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estrellami-1 · 9 months

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If I Should Stay

Part 1 | . . . | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16

Steve gets home and enters into chaos.

The older teens are nowhere to be found—Steve hopes they’re still in the shed—but the boys are arguing, pointing first at sheets on the table, then each other.

“No, you dumbass-”

“Oh, I’m the dumbass? I’m the one who forgot oxygen?”

Steve sighs. “Always the damn babysitter,” he mumbles to himself, fighting a smile. “Alright, cut it out!” He says, loud enough to be heard over the arguing. Immediately, everyone turns to him. He crosses his arms and nods at them. “What’s going on?”

Immediately they’re all talking over each other, doing their best to give Steve a headache. He sighs and raises a hand, and slowly they all peter off. “One at a time. Lucas?”

Lucas sighs. “We’re still trying to figure out the best way to weaponize fire down there.”

“And you’re disagreeing on something?”

“Yeah, we all think it would be best to do it different ways.”

Steve nods. “Write down a list of all the pros and cons you can think of. Pass the lists around in case you’ve forgotten something. When they’ve all been passed around, compare them together. But please, if it’s at all possible for you, do it quietly. If for no other reason than El’s still resting.”

“Oh,” Mike says quietly, and they all get to work, scribbling out their lists.

Steve sighs and scans the rest of the room, smiling when he sees Eddie leaning on the doorway. “Hey. Wanna help me bring stuff in?”

“Sure,” Eddie shrugs, and follows him out. It’s silent for a few moments before he speaks. “Y’know, a part of me was hesitant to believe everything until just about three minutes ago.”

Steve chuckles. “It does sound crazy,” he agrees. “What changed your mind?”

“You,” Eddie says simply, like it doesn’t send Steve’s heart jackrabbiting in his chest. “The way you are with the kids.”

Steve chuckles. “Y’know that’s the very reason we started to get along, before?” He glances at Eddie as he shuts the trunk. “We saw how we were with them. We were both a little jealous of each other, mainly cause of Dustin. I swear, he was always going on about Eddie this, Eddie that, greatest Dungeon Master ever but don’t tell Will, and… I started to feel like I was being replaced.” He smirks. “Course, then you told me how he practically worshiped me, and I realized Dustin’s just being a shithead.”

Eddie snorts. “From what I’ve seen of them, that does seem pretty accurate.”

“I know this probably doesn’t mean much to you, but I’m glad you’re here.” He smiles at Eddie and walks inside, giving Eddie a second alone outside.

He almost runs into Robin as he turns the corner, steadying himself, the bag, and her. She looks up at his face, wide-eyed, then slowly morphs the look into a judgy one.

“What?”

“Quit breaking his brain, Dingus, let him actually like you as a person first.”

“How the hell could you tell that from my face?”

She gives him another supremely judgy look. “Have you forgotten I’ve known you for years? Steve,” she sighs, taking the bag from him. He lets her. “Don’t forget this is four years ago for them. At this point, does he even know who Chrissy is?”

“Okay,” Steve admits, “you may have a point. But we had a breakthrough just now! We were talking and he said he believes me because of how I am with the boys!”

Robin sighs again. “And did you respond with something that happens in the future?”

Steve splutters. “How do you do that?”

“I’ve known you for years, Stevie-boy, don’t forget.” She ruffles his hair as she passes. “Leave the future out of it,” she advises. “Live in the now.”

“Kinda hard to do, considering we’re here to change the future,” he says, just to be contrary. She gives him a look like she knows what he’s doing.

“Talk to him like you’re getting to know him for the first time, Steve. Because that’s where he is. Everything about the Upside Down, and even the kids… that’s all secondary. You got along because your personalities match. Give them a chance to.” She smirks at him. “And maybe show off a little bit of that Harrington charm I know is in there somewhere.”

He shakes his head, grinning. “You’ll see one day, Robs, I’ve got game.”

She grins, ruffling his hair one last time before dancing out of reach as he squawks at her. “I’ll believe it when I see it, Dingus.” She leaves, bringing the bag into the other room, and he sighs and follows her, wondering—not for the first time—how he ended up with her as a best friend.

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sapphosclown · 11 months

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you’re the greatest thing we’ve lost

You’re Gonna Go Far by Noah Kahan

#i think we know where i’m at ab this by now #anyways this was my grieving process was making this #it’s messy but i needed it and i don’t care to make it any fancier #anyways i’m gonna finish my fic for this show and i’ll post it tomorrow #also ironically. they will not be here forever. too soon i’m sorry #grease rise of the pink ladies #rise of the pink ladies #rotpl #grease rotpl #cynthia zdunowski #jane facciano #olivia valdovinos #nancy nakagawa #hazel robertson #richie valdovinos #potato rotpl #shy guy rotpl #gil rizzo #lydia rotpl

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1driedpersimmon · 10 months

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Scus the //blood I was having feeling and decided the best solution was to dump Sesame in blood

And also Hauchie sweeping him off his feet because oh no

(And Sesame charm for myself hehe, maybe)

#ff #ffxiv #Sesame #Sidurgu #tiny rielle you can’t really see #I love him too btw he’s so funny #I just gotta learn how to draw his hair… also his armor is really cool #enjoying the black and the spikes #haurchefant #I’ve cursed Sesame by making Hauchie his first romance sorry my boy 🫡#you know now I think about it more it’s kinda fucked #so (lore time LMAOO) idk I guess Sesame more fell for him once the whole being hidden at Ishgard thing happens #and like throughout the little time they spent there it was all cute and whatever #and then he DIES #and Sesame is like #…? why.#ahem… anyways more thoughts on this AFTER I finish Heavensward LOL #ok I’m done rambling

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lavender-rroses · 2 months

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gay blindness

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chalkscrub · 4 months

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rare wip of a new guy - anyone else take shitty photos of stuff they’re working on to stare at on their phone or just me?

#wip #drawing antlers is sooooo fun i love it (MANIFESTING)#I never usually post wips because I think my process would disgust and frighten people #this guy was meant to be a deer but I made him into a dragon by mistake #he was also meant to be a merderer but he’s not really giving serial killer #so now I’m thinking maybe I should just sell this design. I’ve never sold a character design before but I think this guy looks cool #maybe other people would like him more....on the other hand maybe i'll regret selling him....#anyway. I’m hoping to finish him up tomorrow

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krampuscrump · 2 days

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pookiebear is a 30+ year old fictional man 🥺

#LOML LOML LOML #I love Matt hehe #i wish he was real #sigh 😔#anyway #here’s this #I’m sleep deprived and thought I’d might as well finish it #now since I’m up #hope you like it 🤗#matt murdock #daredevil #marvel #marvel fanart #daredevil fanart #matt murdock fanart #my art #I think I like gingers #🫡

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thischerik · 2 years

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tag yourself xx

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crazy-fangirl2524 · 20 days

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Missing Andreil sm that they appeared in my dream (literally just dreamt of them)

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chimerahyperfix · 1 month

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RECIPE OF THE DAY

[OR: This was the most upsetting alternate looper option]

Long post because i have been cooking this in my brain for like, two months, and it's all-consuming. Also I'm not in the Discord yet because Anxiety so my ramblings had to go somewhere, and what better than one big fucking post yknow. I cast spell of fuck you mind blast on the tag/lh /j

TLDR for below: Siffrin words his wish differently, Bonnie gets trapped in a time-loop, and despite saying they're in a timeloop repeatedly nothing works and no one can help them. The normal ISAT absolute horrors ensue.

CONTENT WARNINGS: the normal ISAT tags [death, violence and trauma, suicide, self harm and unreality], Notable Pin on child endangerment and death, poisoning.

most of these get discussed ^ even if shortly

SO. THIS AU.

This is it this is my big one. Ignore me pushing the literal 12 other isat aus I have into a pile pls this is THE big one. I’m looking at the note I’ve stored all this lore in on my notes app,and it’s like. 35 fucking pages?

I've looked at a ton of alternate looper aus [that's part of the hyperfixation babeyyyy I need to consume ALL content forever and ever and ever] and I was like “oohhhh I wanna do that!!” So I literally just listened to music until I caught an idea and yikes. Looking at the AUs playlist now [it’s about 100 songs! Oops!] and I’m like [cartoony image of me laying face first on the floor]

This is a bit scattered because I wrote it over 3 days instead of working on the fic I’m supposed to be writing ooopsieeeee. Ramblings belowvvvvvvvvvv

It begins as simply as the game does. No one knows how to wish properly; so Siffrin wishes, because they know how to. The same folded leaf, repeated three times wish. Close to what is said in canon; different enough for the Universe to read it differently. No longer does Siffrin loop, because the wish isn’t about him, it’s about Bonnie and their sister. Siffrin’s wish is construed as “I wish Bonnie’s wish would come true,” and even if the Universe can’t hold onto Bonnie’s wish as they did it wrong, it CAN hold onto Siffrin’s.

And that’s the base point: EVERY LOOP, Siffrin wishes, because he wishes after he talks to them and that's where they loop back to, and its wish craft goes to Bonnie. A recipe for disaster with how much time they have!

They loop back when Siffrin gets crushed by the rock, because they can’t win while being down a party member. When they touch a tear, or when the sadnesses get the jump on the party and they all go down, or when they use the dagger equivalent [a poisoned snack], or when they get to the King. They Never Beat The King. Think SASASAaP but ISAT.

Bonnie doesn’t fight with craft, but rather craft-infused weapons. The wok and their pan for rock, a pair of kitchen shears for scissors and a cookbook for paper. Snacks for healing and buffs. And they have a cool friend that lives in the favor tree! [they get in fistfights like every five loops. Maybe it would be funny, someone just as willing to spar with them instead of trying to find the right words they can’t find because they’re a kid, if their friend wasn’t ALSO another version of themself, which bonnie clocks pretty late.] They pick up little quirks from their friends, like biting their nails like Belle, and puffing up to look bigger like Isa and stealing Dile's curses and closing an eye to match Frin's in focus. And maybe they start forgetting a little bit, just a little! The same thing over and over will get to you.

So everything essentially boils down to this. Bonnie specifically needs to be strong enough to beat the King, as the rest of the party doesn’t keep experience through loops. For a good chunk of the loops, they take advantage of Siffrin asking them if they need help and drag him into a training lesson that slowly goes from a whole emotional conversation to them quietly listening to Siffrin’s every word. [Siffrin fills this silence with random star facts that pop into their mind. This Is Important It WILL Be On The Test] Eventually the training becomes too tedious, so they start sneaking off to go fight sadnesses— and eventually just punch trees, which busts their knuckles— to get stronger faster! Everything goes downhill from there, with them forgetting to make food to them sneaking out at night to fight more to them getting reckless and uncaring; it snowballs down into “oh this could be considered suicidal confidence”.

Every loop, you say "hey, I'm trapped in a time loop", and EVERY time it is a big emotional thing that exhausts you to the point of going to bed immediately after, and everyone gets antsy and worried, and in the end the anxiety and trouble NEVER ends up mattering because the King still flattens the party every time. [And (shuffling through the sea of my notes for the au), imagine this from their situation for a second; Today, you tell your friends you are trapped in a time loop. They drag you into a long, uncomfortable conversation that makes you cry, and you go to bed with a full stomach and the knowledge they will protect you, and you will protect them. You make sure he doesn't get squashed by a boulder, you make sure they find the key, you make sure they don't die. Tomorrow, you will tell your friends you are trapped in a time loop. They will drag you into a long, uncomfortable conversation that will make you cry, and you will go to bed with a full stomach and the knowledge they've failed to protect you, but they're trying this loop, and you'll still protect them anyway.]

And then the King fight. He grabs them and he kills them and it fucks them up. [it fucks them up, until it too happens again and again, and eventually it simply is just another obstacle you must pass, because the second his stupid hand wraps around you like a ragdoll it’s over, so you just spit in his face to make him press the trigger immediately and not drag it out for forever- imagine the most traumatic event in your entire life, repeated over and over, until it looses all meaning. It’s still traumatic, it’s sewn into your brain forever you will never forget this.]

They tell the party ‘hey, I just got murdered’, and if this au was ISAT, it would go from having a memory that gave everyone a defense buff to a memory that literally stops you from winning, randomly attaching to a party member. You couldn’t get rid of it. They’d take every hit for you, and you’d have to loop back, because you couldn’t win with an unremovable memory like that. and that’s why they stop saying things, because if the people you loved would die to protect you, something you don’t want and have the ability to stop, would you stop them?

And so everything collapses, and from that point [the start of act 4] it collapses fast.

WHICH LEADS US TO ENDLESS MY FAVORITE LITTLE THANG

if this is transparent or not I don’t fucking know and honestly. After 2 hours of fighting ibisPaint X to make it transparent I stopped caring. o7

Slight design notes tangent: the fucking. Wispy things around their limbs just kinda move around them- yknow because black holes pull things in and they are one. Their like,,,, face spike design??? Question mark on what 2 call it? It’s designed to look like their hair lol. The little star-dot things on their knuckles are important smile. Eventually I’ll post a full thing 4 them (I have like 2 pages of random doodles of them it’s craaazy)

Endless (or Ness, later on) is Bonnie’s loop-alike. They’re a little angry hater and I based them on the song Black Hole Sun [therefore they double-dip in the space theming, the little scoundrel! Imagine being both a black hole and a partial eclipse!! Damn why you taking all the space theming for!!] which was the song the whole AU was based on! Woah! Damn you carrying ALL the out of AU lore in you! They’re anger over fear while Bonnie is fear over anger.

They make me SO fucking upset. Like. I’m not being funny anymore. This is THE most upsetting character I’ve ever written. They make me cry. My entire schtik is making horror and this little creature is the most upset I've ever been at a creation of mine.

Endless is a Bonnie who, without exaggerating, literally imploded from having too much wish craft in them— hence the black hole theme. They went through an unreasonable amount of loops [i think I noted down 400??? Probably not that many, but hey, leveling is slow when half the time you rely on a scripted event that has like 3 enemies. Never really pinned anything down, but it’s a CRAZY upsetting amount.] and just couldn’t win,, and they eventually broke, and begged for it to stop— and, well, with so much wish craft in them, even without the proper rituals the Universe just couldn’t ignore ALL this wish craft, overflowing, in one spot. They asked for help and it killed them.

And then they were at the tree! And they’re helping a DIFFERENT Bonnie, who they’re upset at because what. What why is this happening? They asked for it to stop, not for a whole NEW Bonnie to exist and to do it all over again, what is this what, stop stop it. And they have to keep watching Siffrin wish, and doom them to their endless loop, and they have to tell Bonnie no, the party can’t help them like they want the party to do because the party never could help them, and it’s just going to bring them distress and heartache. Bonnie does it anyways, until the very beginning of act 4: it goes downhill from there, until they’re worried This Bonnie will end up like THEM.

They’re not the most self-confident type. They give themself the most un-nicknameable name [Bonnie still finds one that fits— Ness. They reluctantly accept it.] [Endless vc: Ness? Like? From Earthbound???] they can think of because nicknames are a love language and they speak it, and they don't think they deserve it anymore because they've Changed, and trade out the nicknames they have for the party for things they learned from Siffrin in their own many many training loops: The Sun, The Moon, The Star, The Sky, and Bonnie is Supernova, because its cool as hell and Siffrin told them that’s what happens when a star dies, and they died. Open foreshadowing. They take to closing the same eye they made Siffrin the Star loose, because if he doesn’t get to see anymore neither should they— even if that eventually becomes a natural thing, something they do now to focus. They talk about a sister they have— had, because their world is gone and she never got unfrozen, they never learned if she was alive under all that icy craft or not, and they’re not Bonnie anymore. Ness is Bonnie, but Bonnie is not Ness.

And so, when act 5 hits, they’re desperate. They can’t see it happen again, because it erased them as a person and it was terrifying enough why would you want to see it happen again? they prepare to storm the house, bevause theyre strong enough to tear it apart themself, get stopped by the party, and essentially they’ve replaced Bonnie for a loop; which would be okay, if failing didn’t mean there would probably be Two Endlesses and No Bonnie’s. By the end of the au, Bonnie, lvl 99, is like bringing a brick to a stare down. Endless, in comparison, is like bringing a bazooka to a fistfight. They can’t face the King, they can’t, it would probably mess something up [the party has them pinned as being a kid by this point— wether they realise Ness acts a lot like Bonnie or not, who knows] so they panic and wave the party off into the King’s room and fights off the remaining sadnesses to calm down.

And the Party brings Bonnie down, and they fight a fake version of their sister [who they win against, even if barely, because Nille is their sister and damnit, Nille would never hurt them, not after giving up her life for them] and they have a breakdown, and then there's two of them. There's Bonnie and there's Ness. Bonnie confronts them and they get in ANOTHER fistfight, bveause how else would two angry ultra-powerful preteens settle things, and Bonnie convinces them to come along, because their identity has been found out and damnit Nille really won't care, Ness is her sibling too.

[Nille approaches the situation carefully, but Bonnie is right: Nille sees the two of them and immediately decides she has two siblings and she wants to protect them. Both of them went through so, so much, and they saved the country and damnit it would be monstrous to throw Ness out to the wolves because they Changed. Aka I was physically incapable of letting Ness dissapear or have a bad ending they deserve the world too.]

I just I jsutt. Auguhghghghhh. au too big in my brain spill it out on the floor it goes everywhere. When you hyperfix on your own au

#isat #in stars and time #isat au #isat bonnie #<- this is abt them. uh oh.#recipe of the day #anyways the au title is based on a shitty joke I made once #also “”’hey chef what’s for dinner? slop! slime!’#something something the recipe of the day is timeloop soup. yknow. a timeloop au. and soup…….#who let me in the kitchen. someone take me out before I burn the place down #I have. so many thoughts about this au #most of which boil down to me screaming and crying #I know there are multiple other AUs where Bonnie loops but counterpoint #has an alt looper au ever not had the looper wish?#[pushing divine intervention behind me. no that does not exist in this question]#I really like twisting au tropes on their heads :)#‘I don’t want to tread on other ppls ideas’ handshake ‘three month au hyperfix lets fucking go let’s yap’#they can and will coexist heart emoji.#I think about this au a lot. I’m cooking so much art #(yknow. aside from being the worlds slowest artist. oop)#I’ll prob post abt it every now and then (aka when I finish the fucking art)#but for now. laying my au cards down #endless is my favorite little being ever rn they’re such a little hater

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cq-studios · 1 month

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Would you like to share anything from or about your Ventus (& Strelitzia) fic ?

Sure, I’m in the midst of rewriting it right now (doing that technique where you write it again but only the parts you remember) and the original fic was never finished but I can give some snippets.

Untitled “everyone thinks Ventus has a crush on Strelitzia but he actually can’t stop thinking about her because he killed her” WIP below the cut

Sora had finally made it back. After a whole year of searching, Riku was able to guide him back to the Realm of Light. Ven, like the rest of them, was smiling so wide his cheeks hurt.

The thing was, they weren’t alone.

A girl stepped out of the portal behind them. She wore a white dress and red bows in her hair. Something in his heart itched.

She scanned the people surrounding her, giving everyone a glance. Then her eyes landed on Ven. And on Ven her eyes stayed, alight with fear.

Ven’s stomach sank with familiarity. His breathing quickened. The itch turned to a jackhammer, rattling his core.

He took a step back. Then another. Then another.

It’s her.

Who’s her?

He broke eye contact.

“Are you alright?” Xion looked up at him with earnesty.

Through the fading dread, Ven managed a shaky grin and a nod. The girl’s brow furrowed but, thankfully, she didn’t push. He wondered if he and Roxas made similar faces when they lied.

“Come on, introduce yourself,”

“H-hello, I’m Strelitzia”.

Strelitzia.

The name rang in his head like bells. A cacophony just like the end. Like a new beginning.

It’s all my fault.

What is?

“Aren’t you going to say hi, Ven?” Aqua asked, concern not even hidden as she passed by.

Everyone seemed to be introducing themselves now. Strelitzia looked a little overwhelmed by all the attention.

“Uh, maybe… I don’t want to be rude but she, uh… makes me feel” he grappled for a word, “weird”.

“Weird?”

He wasn’t sure that was a good enough word.

“Nervous?”

That didn’t feel right either.

Aqua paused for a moment, Ven could see the gears turning in her head.

“Alright”

———

And then here’s a couple of scenes from the older version

———

(This is a scene that takes place after poor Ven digs himself deeper into a hole lol)

Terra and Aqua shared a knowing look and big amused smiles.

“Wha-? What’s that look for?”

“It's just cute”

“Huh?”

“You like her, don’t you?”

“I-I guess,” why is this important? “She seems nice, bu-” He paused mid sentence when he realized his friends’ smiles were growing even wider, “wait. You mean-” his cheeks were on fire in an instant, hands flying to cover his face, “Ahh! No! Gross guys”.

“You are around that age,” “Past it even”.

“Lalala! Not listening,”

“‘I can’t stop thinking about her’,”

“Guys, seriously, stop. It’s not a crush!” His confidence faltered, “At least… I-I don’t think it is”.

Maybe crushes did feel this way. He wouldn’t know, he’d never had one. But if they were supposed to feel like this he couldn’t imagine why anyone would want the feeling. It was just so... so suffocating.

———

“Kairi?”

“Hm?” The girl turned her head and eyed him expectantly.

Ven’s mouth suddenly felt like a desert. Was he really going to ask this? Was he even close enough with her to ask this? It’s a personal question. Maybe he shouldn’t bother.

No. He- He had to know.

He steeled his nerves and the question fell from his mouth, “do you have a- a crush on someone?”

The other wielder blinked in surprise and awkwardly, almost sympathetically replied, “Uh, yes, I do… why”

Ven felt so incredibly sheepish. In a voice barely louder than a whisper he asked, “What does it feel like?”

“Oh,” Something that resembled relief flashed in her expression, leaving Ven to wonder what she thought he was going to say, “(she’s supposed to describe it here but I don’t know how and I felt too awkward to ask someone lol)”

“So you don’t feel sick?”

“Feel sick?”

“That’s how I feel around Strelitzia…” “Aqua and Terra think I have a crush on her but-”

“But you aren’t sure”.

Ven shook his head

“Well, everyone’s different, but that doesn’t sound like a crush to me”

#Anyways that’s pretty much what I’ve got lol #Will I keep coming back to this until it’s done probably #Will it get finished any time soon? who knows lol #the rewrite feels a bit bare bones right now so I’m probably gonna flesh it out more but for now that’s how it is lol #kh ventus #sometimes i think about my khux fics

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luuxxart · 2 years

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anyway I made. a few playlists for the student council au. (1) (2) (3)

#I JUST FINISHED INKING A MAJORITY OF THE FIRST ARC I THINK I DESERVE IT #shuake #akeshu #persona 5 #persona 4 #akira kurusu #goro akechi #i don’t think I’ll ever be over how much a yasogami jacket fits akechi but. I’m noticing it a lot now #I’m still replaying p5r and I CANNOT wait to put him in the jacket #alas. I’m on Futaba’s palace ✊🏽😔#ANYWAY #read the comic on comicfury or the tumblr blog in my pinned #I’ve only got first chapter posted but I’ll start posting chapter two Friday 👀👀👀#if you’re interested in more student council pov playlists I have some under construction that are public under my Spotify profile

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goldensunset · 8 months

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surprise art attack!!! here’s @deityofhearts ‘s cashmere, everyone’s favorite whimsical tiefling

#pose taken directly from the kikuomiku4 album cover bc i’ve been listening to UFO on repeat for idk how many days now #finally gave me the inspiration i needed to do something like this it’s like both sad and super whimsical #actually tbh it gives me more wishful vibes now that i think about it but 1. idk what wishful looks like and 2. cashmere design my beloved #kikuo just in general has a lot of whimsysad and/or fundark which is why i love him #tbh ufo has quickly shot up to one of my fave songs it’s the iconic accordion and the tempo being unstable in places #uh anyway ignore me being a kikuo nerd again #wahhh this was fun to work on it has consumed me these past three days #jumping up and down hehehehehe #glad i finally cut to the ‘it’s done *collapses*’ stage of the arting process bc i’ve been having trouble finishing pieces lately #man i WISH i could come up with poses this good on my own. idc i’m still proud of this #my art #ok yeah i just got the time total. 12 hours #i knew it would be a long time but i didn’t think that long #tbh a lot of that was spent inefficiently bc i kept having to resize the image up when i realized the pixels were too crunchy #and when you make an image bigger the lines get blurry so then you have to redo them. yeah i had to do that TWICE. like a dummy.#12 hours used to be like par for the course for me but i’ve finally gotten faster. or maybe i’ve just stopped doing as many full figures #lol

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goldkirk · 3 months

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I opened Pinterest for the first time in months.

That made me realize a lot about how bad I was actually doing and how much of a Waffle House Index use of Pinterest is for adult me, apparently.

I hadn’t realized it had grown that foundational to me in a healthy-brain-exercise-and-hobby-joy way. Nice to know moving forward! It’s another sign I can keep track of and use to spot correlation/indicator patterns earlier my behavior.

I love this kind of thing, it makes me so excited!

#personal data hacking is my passion #someday I’ll tell a story about the most notable times I tracked things or hacked my own mental processes from childhood to now #including the fear of spiders and bed wetting and behavior changes and posture and heart rate and cursive and putting kitchen items and #trash away as soon as I’m finished using them instead of never ever or ages and ages later #I’m so proud of that #you have to give it time and still commit. chaining thoughts and routines and behaviors really works #we are not separate brains and bodies and external environments #anyway I’m gonna go haha I used up he last of my energy burst on Discord and here and I need to go rest and lie on the floor and probly doze #love you all be back soon bye mwah!#add to journal #trauma evolution #my Waffle House index #this is going to be a fun new tag I’m so going to have fun with this and I bet it’ll be a helpful example reference for other people too #more than just for future me!#so excited so proud of myself so happy so grateful for hope about me really trusting that my ability and my behavior and my performance #are able to and going to yes keep getting better #long many-milestone path-journeys of potential #like when I was a little 6-7 year old kid-team athlete looking ahead at a concept of a future with me over time getting #stronger and cleverer and faster and slicker and calmer and even happier and more and more capable and able to accomplish!#a gift. all this time I didn’t think I’d have and have been living anyway is such a gift.#knowing that I truly have future time to grow and explore and change and improve in even though I still can’t FEEL or IMAGINE that future #time yet. also a gift.#the time I will one day realize I can imagine a future and imagine myself alive? will be a gift.#breath is a gift. experiencing life is a gift. other life is a gift. rhythm is a gift. motion is a gift. awake is a gift. color is a gift.#such a great expanse. all of it new. all of it eternal. all of it me. all of it nothing I’ve ever known before. all of it all of it #all of it. gifts.#gonna go have floor time now. this would be such a nice time to re-re-regain my ability to cry!#mwah I love you future me. take care of your hand and thank u for writing all this down 💛#hey little star whatcha gonna queue?#my poetry

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jellyjamheadobb · 10 days

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Fucking listen to this. My friends and I. We playin Two Truths And A Lie. This was my fucking thrn

1 ”imagine being attracted to an old man twice/three times your age. Couldn’t be me”

2 “Imagine having been hit by a car twice in one week and being completely fine. Couldn’t be me”

3 “Imagine losing your virginity to a friend and then (casually) never talking about it. Couldn’t be me”

literally all four of my friends bro

friend 1: “1. You look like you’d fuck an old man”

friend 2: “yeah, 1”

friend 3 + 4: “old man fucker”

friend 2: “didn’t you say in 10th grade how you’d go down on our Economy teacher?”

they didn’t even fucking flinch. I got shot with a double barrel gun and then thrown in the pool of fire by them. Inconsolable. Fucking destroyed. I am. losing my shit. Sticks and stones can break my bones but fuck. Those words hurt me more.

#I fucking hate them /j #i mean #They were right #BUT THATS NOT THE FUCKING POINT #sobbing #I canttttt #We just finished innout rn and we’re gonna watch the planet of the apes movie at 8:30 so to pass the time we were playing two truths-#and a lie #we usually start our sentences for it with “imagine ___” and end it with “couldn’t be me”#but this was so fucking funny I had to talk about it #Literally only two of them even knew about me getting hit #Well I guess clipped technically. Does that count as being hit? Idk #Once was my fault fs but the other I was at a fuckin crossing street so 🤷#But anyway #they barely even bothered to think #I’m dying #help 😭#they know I’d fuck an old man and I’m dead #rey rambles #meme #memes #lmao #lol #dumb shit #funny #relatable memes #funny memes #best memes #I don’t even want to finish the rest of the meme tags #Anyway we’re gonna watch the movie in like 10 minutes now

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mattodore · 4 months

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ocs aging is my favorite thing to read about, so i wanna ask you a question - how do you see matthias and theo (and their relationship) in their fourties?

and generally for how long you have their story planned? you think only about times when they young or you have “planned” their 50s, 60s etc

ly ly ly

Oh I really love where Theo and Matthias find themselves as they age into their forties.

For Theo, he’s fully out from under his parents’ thumb by the time he reaches forty and he’s also been clean for a good handful of years. The first twenty-something years of Theo’s life were… well, they were really hard on him. He thought of himself less as a person and more as an extension of his parents’ will. He did what they said when they said it no matter how little he wanted to, but once he let go of all that appeasement and supplication… he finally got to relax. Theo’s had pretty bad identity issues his whole life, but in his thirties and beyond it’s like he’s finally found himself again. He was lost before, you know? And in his forties he’s comfortable. I’m not saying he’s magically healed and well adjusted or anything, like he has C-PTSD and he still begs off therapy appointments and taking meds but… he knows who he is and he can see the world in the same colors he saw when he was five and still playing in the garden, unafraid of all the things a child shouldn’t know about.

For Matthias, he’s settled into his forties with grace. I think he’s more grounded after having Theo in his life for two decades. I think I’ve said this before, but he was numb to pretty much everything in his twenties and totally disillusioned and nihilistic. Let me be real… Matthias’s personality hardly changes as he ages, but I think his outlook on life is a little less bleak with Theo in it. Hm… I think in his late thirties he’s finally processed a lot of the trauma he experienced in his teen years, but… I don’t think his insomnia ever goes away. I do think he can sleep a little longer, but he still has auditory hallucinations for sure. Nevertheless, Matthias is fulfilled in his forties. He has his best friend and the love of his life… it’s all he needs. I think Matthias is really just someone who desperately wanted to be loved and he didn’t know what that hunger was for until he was so full of it it got stuck in his teeth.

As for their relationship when they’re older… they’d actually defined it, first off. I think they feel like they’re too old to be calling each other ‘boyfriend’ so instead Theo calls Matthias his partner and Matthias calls Theo his lover. They’re definitely living together but they’re still not married. I think Matthias might’ve proposed sometime in their early thirties but been rejected. Not that it was a serious proposal, mind you—like, the chance that he asked during sex is pretty high I won’t lie lmao—but I think he was probably just trying to get a feel for what Theo wants and that was a good enough answer for him. Day-to-day… hm… Theo’s a working man so he’s often late to meals and Matthias has to find him in his art studio to get him to eat something. Matthias is still a layabout but he does busy himself with writing—just journaling and letters and stories he reads for Theo. Matthias is also sponsoring a few organizations that’re trying to shut down the troubled teen industry. They visit Imani and her husband often and Matthias babysits when asked—Theo is very hands-off when Matthias is babysitting since he still has a pretty emotional response to seeing happy kids... ugh. The friends of Theo’s who stuck around from his party days will have lunch with him every few weeks, but they still don’t like or want to be around Matthias, which, like… fair. Theo doesn’t really hang out with anyone on a regular basis other than Matthias, if I’m honest. Theo just… isn’t actually a people person, it turns out. Theo also does a lot of volunteer work with animals since it’s another kind of therapy for him. They’re just happy, y'know?

As for the actual extent of the planning I’ve done with the characters... well, there’s no end to their lives in my head since I can just picture them at any age. I know Theo and Matthias very well… I don't even really need to think about it (which is also why I hardly ever write anything down… they’re just living in my head). That said, the actual story they come from (which doesn’t actually have a title—echthroi is just a temporary name) only lasts for about two—maybe three—years. It’s not fully plotted out because I would first need to actually make the Big Decisions I’ve been putting off with relation to the plot for foreverrr, but I know where it starts and where it ends. So they’re both forever in their 20s in that way, but to me they’re every age they’ll ever be.

#river dipping #asks #anonymous #oc extras #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #a burning house to live in #echthroi #…took me way longer than ten minutes #i kept doubling back and agonizing like uhhh does this sentence make sense? is this a good enough summation of what they’re like???#😭😭😭#i’m posting this so late now… 🚶🚶🚶#well. anon i hope you see this 🧎 sorry it took me a bit #and thank you <33333!!!!!!! for asking abt them #i actually really love imagining them as they age together #their twenties are so tumultuous #and it’s nice to think abt them without going :((((#🥺……..#well. anyway it’s eleven 😭😭😭 i need to get to sleep here soon #i’m gonna reward myself for finishing this by looking at some nani tanvi content now 😋#and then i’ll head to bed #in the morning i’ll post the before and after for this edit bc i think the difference is probably crazy #and then i’ll post all these reblogs i have drafted #MWAH!!! good night <333

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