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rulersreachf4n · 5 months

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MASTERPOST: FANFICS

Everyone Wants To Rule The World by Srae13

Mikey-centric post movie angst (20/?)

We’ll Meet Again Soon by chiangyorange

Future!Leo goes back to the past and you know what? With the power of "fuck this, fuck you, I do what I want", his family does so too (21/?)

The Moods Surrounding Blue by Averie_sol

Leo thinks hes some horrible manipulative fuck up in this fan fic of i take some of my personal experiences, wildly let it take a turn, spin it so leo mayhaps has BPD, totally has PTSD, depression anxiety, etcetera etcetera (because theres totally a universe where hes borderline) and let the angst begin because he has seventy thousand different mental issues (27/?)

Three-Sided Coin by Willow Wept

A highly self-indulgent fic where I put Leo, Future!Leo, and TurtleTot!Leo in the same room until they hug (8/?)

In The Bat Of An Eye by criscris

After getting out of the prison dimension Leo notice something really weird is going on with him and his ancestors help him out. Keep in mind that red eared sliders have this thing that they do and they feel the vibrations to know whats going on, Leo has that but times that by ten (10/?)

Dangerously Yours by xquseme

A life-changing event doesn’t have to occur through the endangerment of one’s livelihood, or through placing another’s trust at stake. It could start off with an accidental shoulder brush. Leo was going to strangle that samurai the next time he sees him (5/?)

I May Be Invisible But I Still Look Good by Danny

Leo is cursed by a mystic whatever thingy. But don't worry guys, he's totally got this! Getting back into his body? Easy peasy. (He hopes it will be easy peasy.) (16/17)

StarBlind by WeirdNCrazy

There was a lot of mutagen and other sharp objects being dangerously launched around as Baron Draxum lair got destroyed. What would happen if some of that got into a certain Red Eared Slider eyes? Well it would make for one blind turtle and an interesting shift from canon that what it would be! (35/?)

Deep Purple Thoughts And Realizations by NightFox 5/?

The Neon Void by sugarpastels (17/26)

Unwanted Emotional Feedback by MonkeyMindScream 9/?

Where The Stars Show Us The Inevitable by Surmie 32/?

‘Cause Blue’s Your Favorite Color by CrypticPaw 8/10

In Sickness And In Health by Screwed_up_Screwball 10/?

Slipped Between Broken Fingers by Screwed_up_Screwball 3/4

Unforgotten Beast by bing_bongwater 6/?

Wrapped In Regret by Spooky_Vanilla 8/9

Blood Is Thicker Than Ooze by linkymew 27/?

Please Save Me by Madhero_IsWriting 5/?

For Leo’s Sake by leosmasktails 4/?

As Fate Would Have It by Viveela 8/10

Sons Of Big Mama by GingerNobody 3/?

Spider’s Web With Strings Attached by CurlySwirly 19/?

The Last Grain of Sand In The Hourglass by TjLockticon 15/21

We’ll Meet Again Soon by chiangyorange 21/?

Muted Scales by Krazykoon 3/?

Like father like son by eternalglitch 26/?

Call Me Hear And I Will Appear by rbt_lvr 22/?

The Aftermath by starrcossrose 20/?

When Life Hits You by ThulianSins 5/?

A Thousand Miles Apart by hellofever 14/18

Blood Sacrifice by tei_to_tei 17/?

We Are Infinite by Celestron_oOo 31/?

Don’t Hiss Me Off by LuckydrawR 13/?

Wake Me Up When It’s All Over by thatpanguy 6/?

Fuck It We Barn by butterfilledpockets 13/?

You Are My Comfort by yris_latteyi 22/27

Worlds Apart by ash_kunoichi1925 51/?

His Smile Never Wavered by Br0ken B0nes 11/?

Life Transitions by purplefuzzysocks 31/?

The Glass Pawn by I_Logiphile 8/11

Prolonged Agony by TheArchetypeArchives 31/?

We'll Meet Again Soon by chiangyorange 21/?

In The Bat Of An Eye by criscris (10/?)

Dangerously Yours by xquseme 5/?

The same little faces 8/?

Emphaty Amplified odd man out

B.E.A.S.T

Every Night the Longest Day

Where in the World is Neon Leon?

Tales of the Spirits

In Which Donnie and Leo Make

Themselves Everyone Else's Problem in an

NYC That Isn't Even Their Own

Mystic Hands

Eldest Brother

Mutants Ninja Midlife Crisis

The Jersey Incident

The Call Back Home

Singing An Addolorato

The question is violence and the answer is pizza

We'll Meet Again Soon

Dagger from the Mirror

In Sickness And In Health 10/?

My rival is the waiter

Aftermath ItsJustKade

Trial and error

Cracks in the facade

Trust you enough to fall asleep

Unmaking

My Life Their Story

Little solider boy comes marching home

#masterpost #fanfic

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princessofrabbitsandbears · 3 months

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sleep paralysis and inviting negativity in

i experienced sleep paralysis for the first time. immediately after waking up from it i sent a voice message to my roommate and my girlfriend telling them what happened. i felt like id been attacked in the night, not like id woken up from a dream. dreaming is not so common for me since i smoke so much weed. but most of the dreams i do have are nightmares. i think those just stick out the most. a typical nightmare for me includes lots of teeth falling out anxiety. its stress in my life manifesting when ive not been addressing it properly in my waking life. theres honestly many things in my life i dont address properly. i should make a list of those things probably. but i will do that later. my sleep paralysis happened on a monday night. the week prior my roommate and i had an honestly traumatic experience together involving a show at our basement venue. it all centered around this lana del rave we hosted. but this subject i absolutely can not get in to. it did though bring a lot of negativity in to our lives. i honestly havent cried that much since deciding to drop out of college in january 2020. its almost certainly what brought on my sleep paralysis. or invited this demon in to my bedroom. or whatever it was. bad energy. my sleep started off all wrong. i fell asleep sitting up watching true detective season one sexy matthew ma con a hey idk how to spell it with my roommate. after that i decided it was time to put myself to bed. but i couldnt be bothered to wash my face or brush my teeth as these days ive been hopelessly depressed. went to bed in my dirty sheets with my dirty face and dirty teeth... in an effort to save myself from being a complete failure. i put on the crystal bowl sound bath chakra healing vibrations album on spotify and set it to repeat. i fell asleep to the crystal bowl vibrations really easily. at first i had normal type dreams. i was in my middle school cafeteria but for some reason it was a high school reunion. i was wearing a backpack and feeling embarrassed about it. my old classmates tried talking to me but i couldnt speak because i kept stress eating candy and then stress chewing on the wrappers and drooling everywhere. i think at one point i was trying to answer a facetime with my friend who lives in new york. then the scene changed. i walk in to a room that is bright and all white with a backdrop hanging, a camera, clothing racks. a man and a woman are standing in the middle of the room waiting to greet me. i looked right at them but i dont know what they look like. "congratulations" they said "you made the call back" i felt very sick suddenly. i told them that i didnt feel well and asked if they would pick my outfits for me. then i laid down under the clothing rack to rest. as they were pulling clothes out above me the man pulled a knit sweater off the rack. it honestly kind of looks like this sweater we sell at urban outfitters. as he pulled it out the yarn began to unravel. it tangled around my neck somehow and the more he pulled the tighter it got around my neck and it felt like a rug burn as it choked me. i tried to yell out "stop, stop, stop" over and over again but i couldnt really audibly yell. this happens to me a lot in my dreams. as im getting over the fear of being choked and start to realize that im dreaming i wake up. i open my eyes and im laying in my bed. but i am not actually awake. it is still a dream actually because i rolled over in bed to see that someone else was asleep on my right. i felt so scared honestly exactly how id feel if i experienced this in real life. i didnt remember falling asleep with anyone. did i black out drunk was a thought i had. i reached out to touch the person in my bed, they looked small i thought maybe it could be my friend em. when i touched their back this person or thing sat up abruptly and began to shriek. that is not em i knew immediately. it felt like it was screaming in fear like id startled it awake. as the high pitched shriek continued another figure that i had not noticed rose up from the end of my bed and began to shriek as well.

#sleep paralysis

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elliee-doodles · 2 years

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(some) Loser club HCs

(this was something I started when I was really into IT, but never finished. But I had worked hard on these at the time and I figured why not post them? I only got to 5/7 losers (the last two theres really barely anything- I was writting them down over time, thought dumping basically.

Do keep in mind though, these are pretty old- and I'm not really in the fandom anymore)

Trigger warnings: All of the Losers have trauma, mentions of canon and non canon abuse, mentions of selfharm and suicide (nothing graphic), brief mention of an ED

continue at your own risk

Note: First of all, please keep in mind I only read half the book. So most of what I know is from the (new) movies and the fandom. Most if not all of these are kid/teen losers. Also a lot of this is based around my personal views of the characters, which is why I'm so anxious to post. I may read into the characters totally different than everyone else, but hopefully you'll like some of these. Any of the interactions between Losers can be seen as platonic or romantic as I ship Poly Losers. Whatever you prefer.

Bill-

-Like I said all the Losers have trauma, from pennywise and bullying/abuse, so they all have some form of PTSD. I won't repeat that for every Loser

-Bill also has mild anxiety, even before the whole Georgie situation, and depression

-His stutter makes it hard for him to make any connection with most people in Derry, even adults. They are either impatient or write him off as stupid.

-He is often non verbal when not around the losers

-After the whole Georgie situation his parents neglect him.

-He ends up very skinny because while there is food in the house, it's barely anything. A couple cans of soup, oatmeal, a box of crackers. Maybe some other things but not much.

-He steals his dad’s old clothes. They are too big on him but it's one of the only ways he gets new clothes.

-The other is getting clothes from the Losers or eventually when he gets a job, buying them from cheap places.

-That's also why he wears jorts, he has to cut his own jeans for shorts

-Ok so you know that old lady in the first movie that has the cat and is the last person to see Georgie alive? Yeah Bill goes to visit her

-At first it was to try and get more answers

-But when she has none he gets upset and she invites him in for tea or something

-And then he starts to visit her more- as he is always welcome.

-Eventually he ends up watering her plants or taking care of her cat for a little money. These are things the woman could definitely do on her own, but she know how Bill’s parents are and knows he won't take money without “earning” it

-After a while Bill meets Mike, He ends up helping on his farm.

-He doesn't come around nearly as often, but every so often he’ll surprise her with a visit. Sometimes he’ll even bring Mike.

-Yes I created this whole ass story for a character who doesn't have a name and has like a minute of screen time.. Anyway-

-Bill’s favorite thing to do on the farm is feed the animals. More specifically the chickens.

-He had an incident where he was going to feed the pigs, holding their giant thing of food, when he tripped into the pen. (you know he clumsy)

-He opened his eyes to a bunch of pig snouts that were way too close. He doesn't feed the pigs anymore. Boy is traumatized

-There is one cow that is way sweeter than the others, and so gentle. This cow is Bill’s favorite. He calls him Mike when Mike isn't around. Bill doesn't know that Mike knows

-Bill hates rain

-Drizzles aren't so bad but the harder it rains the worse it is

-Sometimes the Losers come over to comfort him, sometimes he’ll push them away feeling he doesn't deserve it

-He goes bird watching with Stan but ends up falling asleep. Every. Single. Time.

-Stan can't really get mad, everyone knows Bill needs any sleep he can get

-And yeah he has terrible eye bags

-Oh and yes. Every Loser simps for Bill

-When Bill finishes a story he goes to Ben first for spelling or grammar errors or anything that improves the writing that he didnt think of

-Then he goes to mike to read the story and give feedback

-And lastly he’ll go to the other losers to see if the story is actually interesting (because as much as he loves Ben and Mike, they are book nerds and he wants the opinions of people who don't read everyday)

Richie-

-Depressed. Hides behind jokes.

-Often doesn't think about what he says, which is why he made the mistake of making a joke about Eddie's mom. He only did it once and still regrets it.

-Like for real sometimes he’ll close his eyes and just see Eddie’s face after he made the joke and,, yeah

-His parents are also neglectful. (yes yes I know I'm sorry but I'm projecting here) His dad never wanted kids and his mom wanted a girl. Neither got what they wanted

-He learned to pick the machines at the arcade so he always has change on him.

-Tries to get Stan to wear more than simple button ups. He got Stan in one of his shirts ONE time. Stan still hates him for it

-Steals pieces of everyone's food. The losers kind of just let him because one, he won't stop even if they tell him to and two, they know that the boy needs to eat

-He and Bev sneak out often at night. Sometimes they'll do something crazy and illegal and sometimes they’ll just lay on the grass and talk

-Sometimes he and Bev will look for bones in the woods. They have two bird skeletons, one single bird skull, and half a squirrel skeleton so far

-I'd say in modern day he definitely does theatre. He acts

-The rest of the losers do crew

-Until richie can get eddie to try out for a role (that he gets and totally nails)

-I could write a whole separate thing for them doing theatre honestly... Anyways

-Richie is always trying to do impressions of the losers. Eventually he gets it and the Losers have to refrain from murdering him

-Ok this boy is kinda suicidal

-He had self harmed once but Eddie and Stan put a stop to that real quick

-He has abandonment issues and sometimes he can't convince himself that the losers are NOT gonna leave him

-Sometimes when he is alone he dessociates

-I love the hc that when the losers outgrow the clubhouse they move into the attic of Mike’s barn, so a lot of the times the losers are on the farm

-Richie loves the pigs and cows

-One morning Mike went out after a sleepover and found Richie talking and telling jokes to the cows. He didn't say anything.

-Believe it or not, Richie can't be and isn't high energy all the time. Sometimes when he just needs to chill or everything is too much he’ll walk in the woods or, more often than not, go bird watching with Stan

-Although those bird watching sessions never last more than an hour unless Richie falls asleep.

-Sometimes Richie doesn't realize when he is being an asshole, but a lot of the time he does it on purpose because he thinks it's funny.

-Sometimes it is, but Richie doesn't always know how to read the mood

-He hates when someone calls him by his full name. Even if they sound playful

-Oh you know my boy feeds the rats, mice and racoons. He feels connected to them

-Should probably cut his hair. Eddie keeps telling him to cut his damn hair

-Gets ben and Bev into graphic novels

-Eddie and Stan read them too, but only with Richie

-Oh please let this loser play ukulele

-Let him write songs for the other Losers that they never get to hear

-Except maybe when he writes songs with bev, who plays keyboard, late at night

-They're not very good but don't tell them that

-I know a lot of people love punk Richie and I do too but,,, I also love pastel and/or soft Rich

-Maybe he alternates, or he's like me and can't settle on just one

Stan-

Oh boy

Ok if you know me at all you know I project heavily onto this boy, so a lot of these are based around my life :,)

-Ok first of all anxiety. He’s full of it

-And he also has depression and is suicidal even as a kid

-And has OCD

-His dad wants him to be this perfect little jewish boy, no flaws.

-His mom doesn't fight his dad but she isn't like him

-He feels like he doesnt fit in anywhere, not even with the losers sometimes.

-Sometimes he’ll go days without eating. The reason for this depends but is usually because of the sense of control it brings

-Let him and Bev have a friendship you COWARDS

-If things go wrong, or everything is too much he has panic attacks which usually leads to him self harming

Ok on to something more light

-The losers (minus Eddie)bring Stan bird feathers they find randomly so he can tell them what kind of bird it came from

-Eddie doesn't like this because, “do you rEALIZE HOW MANY DISEASES-”

-He and Mike and sometimes Bev go on walks through the barrens. Stan to watch birds, Mike to enjoy nature and Bev to explore

-Yes he has assigned types of birds to the different Losers. He doesn't tell them though

-He likes to sit with Ben because he can be quiet for a long time and he just genuinely likes his company

-He and Eddie play baseball. Sometimes Bill joins

-He also helps Mike on the farm and, of course, loves the chickens

-Its really cute because the chickens get excited when they see him and Bill is lowkey jealous

-His favorite song is The king of rock ‘N’ roll and you can pry that from my cold dead hands

-Richie is so pleasantly surprised when he finds out

-One year for his birthday Richie gives Stan a button up shirt with a pattern of birds on it and he both loves and hates it.

-Will stay locked up in the house for far too long. The Losers make sure to visit if they haven't seen him.

-Although sometimes he shuts them and everyone else out. He won't answer the door. He keeps his blinds shut. Sometimes it's because he just needs that time or sometimes it's because of his depression. Either way the Losers worry.

-Ok but you know this boy has a pet bird. Maybe not when he lives with his parents but most certainly sometime in his life. I like to think he has a small bird, not one of those big boys like a macaw, but maybe a lovebird.

-Does Not like a lot of noise. He has sensory overloads

-Stims but is embarrassed by it

-Has that head bob stim

-Can't stand when his different food touches on his plate

-Richie bought him one of those plates that have dividers as a joke but stan actually uses it all the time

-Every once and a while he loves to just listen to one of the Losers ramble about things they love.

-He most definitely helps any bird he sees that is in even the tiniest bit of trouble

-He, Richie and eventually Eddie paint their nails together. I mean the whole group will at sleepovers and stuff but those three do it most often

-He plays piano. Not by choice but he does kinda enjoy it

-He sits as still as he can in the park where he bird watches, and ends up earning the trust of a few of the birds. They eat from his hand

-Photographs birds!! Has a polaroid (sometimes he photographs the losers too)

-Scrapbooks ! often ends up doing it with another loser

-Makes a scrapbook of the losers, each of them added their own things and comments in different color pens

-Collects stamps with birds and nature on them

-When the Losers go to the quarry Richie always throws his clothes off and onto the ground randomly and Stan always picks them up after him and folds them neatly. He has given up on yelling at Richie for this. Instead he just sighs and does his thing.

-The other losers respect his wish not to just throw their clothes everywhere

-Organizes the others’ stuff when he comes over

-Has had a couple suicide attempts, The losers take turns visiting him in the hospital, He hates them seeing him like that (do i want to write a comfort fic about this?,,perhaps)

-Has Misphobis (when certain sounds trigger someone in ways other may not understand, like chewing)

-Starts a tradition where the losers will write letters to each other (even though they all live close together)

Eddie-

-Does Not actually have asthma, just really bad anxiety, panic attacks and ADHD

-Was the one who helped Bill fix and paint silver when he first got it. They were both around ten

-The first time bill rides down the street without silver breaking or anything going wrong Eddie cries

-Both because he's so happy it finally worked and because “oh god Bill is gonna kill himself on that thing and i helped him fix it oh god-”

-But that aside Eddie likes fixing the other losers bikes too. They come to him first when something is wrong.

-Eddie really loves to go on carnival rides, it's getting him on the ride thats the hard part

-One time the losers went on a trip and Richie would not stop talking about this rollercoaster. He was so excited

-Then they got there and everyone got on, but Eddie was stopped. Turns out he was too short. So Richie stays with him while the others go. They get food <3

-Eddie would honestly do anything for any of the losers let's be honest

-He steals their clothes. All.The. Time.

-Richie sees Eddie taking Stan’s clothes one day and asks if he could do the same to which Stan says,“fuck no”

-He's always leaning on one of the losers or touching them in some way. Like they be chilling at the quarry after a swim and he full on curls up in Mikes lap

-,,praise kink. Just saying

-When he was younger he wasn't allowed in Stan’s house (and Stan wasnt allowed in his) because Stan is jewish

-Leans on Bev and watches as she sews

Bev-

-Hates when anyone touches her outside of the losers

-Even sometimes the losers touching her is too much, they always ask before they do

-No one is allowed to touch her hair

-She keeps it short and panics when it grows long again, only after she gets over her trauma does she let it grow out

-Don't call her Bevvie for the love of god

-Has a hard time actually being in love. Crushes are a bit different

Smells like strawberries and smoke

-Steals all the losers clothes all the time (wears them better too)

-After meeting Mike she becomes vegetarian :)

and there you have it- I didnt edit this, so some of these could be completely stupid I have no idea. I just said I long while ago I’d post them and why not? otherwise theyre just sitting in my google drive abandoned

hope you got some joy out of them heh

#i forgot how to tag its been a minute #It #it chapter 1 #it chapter one #the losers club #the losers club hcs #bill denbrough #richie tozier #stanley uris #stanly uris my beloved #ha didnt forget that one #eddie kaspbrak #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #mike hanlon #pennywise #it chapter two

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thecoreofashapple · 2 years

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In my 20’s I naturally had a nice figure, I had curves in all the right places and I flaunted it. I had the freedom to eat and drink whatever I liked, when I liked. When I turned 30 My body started to shift and I could feel a physical difference in my energy levels, my skin, hair, weight and hormones. At age 34, I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been, my skin is a constant issue, my hair is thinning and I’m extremely self conscious. Last year I had a life altering 8month episode of depression and it lead to me hospitalizing myself for a 6 week program to get properly treated and diagnosed. When you’re in a constant state of addiction Finding medical help is near impossible because you can’t get a diagnosis due to the substance abuse. It’s hard to get a clear read on your mental health when you’re altering your state of being. After my intensive 6weeks with a team of specialists I was finally diagnosed. I have major depressive disorder, adhd, dyslexia, generalized anxiety and trauma. The feeling I got when I was validated in my feelings of depression was incredible. I could stop blaming myself so much and punishing myself for being so mentally ill. My symptoms in result to the addiction and depression caused physical pain and stress. My hormones are out of whack from the instability in my body and I stopped getting a period over a year ago. The change in hormones has caused my skin to change colours and my face is now noticeably 2 tones from forehead to chin. I have cystic acne and rashes and I’m losing my hair in huge clumps daily. No matter what I do my body is increasingly gaining weight and although I’m healthier in my mind and spirit, my body is getting rid of the years of toxins I ingested and I’m hoping that it will only get better as I get better. I completely isolated myself because I didn’t want to go out in public or see friends looking this way. So this picture is a monumentlus occasion for me. I am learning how to accept myself as I am and see myself as beautiful no matter what I look like. Theres makeup hiding my imperfections, my body is angled to the best of my abilities and I am in fact kinda cat fishing with this photo but it’s me. A really real (but dolled up and positioned well) photo, posted, and vulnerable me. Working on my mental health, physical health and spiritual connection is what I know will bring me and others the most joy. Recovery from eating, shopping, drinking, drugs, cigarettes, binging tv, sleeping, negativity, victim role, faking it and whatever else, is possible. Make the next right choice, start with that. How can you line up with your higher self? I’ve always had her showing me the possibilities but I ran the other way and now I go towards her. The Ashley that is at her purest most loving, humble and generous. I want to be me, the me that’s waiting for me. I never cared about the future, I lived fast and hard and had tons of fun. That type of fun was ego driven and always temporary. The highs were high but they could never last and they never would be more then a fleeting moment. The highs that are intentionally created, that are whole hearted and achieved, are goosebump giving moments and there memory lasts. The lows are no longer paralyzingly and wrathful, they are just contrast. Showing me where to go next and leading me the best way for me. My intuition used to ripple through my body assuring me yes or no, and instead of using this gift of certitude I blatantly went@the opposite way and was always proved that my inner knowing was right. I appreciate where I am today, sometimes I get “poor me everyone’s married or has kids and I’m in recovery.” But I can shake it off because I’m not trying to fit into a picture, I’m flowing downstream and I’m letting my higher power, the universe, my source, lead the way. I miss hope that this story of truth and raw natural being has made you feel something. Maybe grounded, insightful, appreciative for your life or gave you comfort in knowing that you’re not alone. Forgive yourself and be gentle and kind. Growing growth.

#raw #samelove #me #appeal #angel #love #lovely #applecore #silhouette #addiction #real #lies #art #feel #forgive #goddess

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audiovisualrecall · 23 days

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It's difficult enough rn to get my humira consistently (the insurance is active and the prior auth was approved and insurance info was updated for both accredo and my dr's office as far as i am aware, and I got one box of my medicine already since the update! but now it's time to order again and suddenly now accredo insists that the insurance is...not??? processed or something??? So I can't order it yet?? The lady said she would do whatever and I'd get a call from them when I can order it. Since I need a new box in 2 weeks I would?? Rather not??? just wait for them to call me??? But idk what to ask if i call them back, i guess just like I was able to order my meds 2 wks ago but now tried to order again and told theres an issue w the insurance? And i want to check the status? Or should i just not mention the first bit idk)

Anyway, point is I'm having trouble with this, and it's more than enough stress trying to get my one medication that I need to be healthy. Which is a big factor in my disinterest in medication for anxiety and/or depression and/or adhd stuff. Bc yeah that would probably definitely help but I need to be in control and I qould be even more dependent on stupid insurance company shit, and in general on someone else, and if I started taking meds that helped with any of those things and then had to stop at all bc of dumb beurocratic bullshit it would be worse than just not being on them in the first place. That, and I really dislike having to take medication? And I worry abt side effects and reactions and problems any time I have to take something new, even antibiotics I've taken before. So. Sigh.

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mushroomwillow · 2 months

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I have thoughts about my therapist

One, she has been pretty great. However it’s been really hard with my hours being able to see her. She’s been working with my schedule and I really appreciate it.

However she said she thinks I need something more intensive. Which honestly makes me sad. She can’t do it because it’s outside of her abilities, and I appreciate her being honest.

What does bother me tho, is she’s started dismissing my physical symptoms as primarily mental. To an extent I agree. Mental health can have a big impact on your body.

However I’ve been having these health issues sense I was a child. Yes, I have childhood trauma. But I can pinpoint the exact start of my symptoms.

I was 14/15 and caught mono. My dr at the time said it was strep, gave me penicillin, and I had a reaction and ended up in the hospital. The hospital said it wasn’t strep, that it was mono (that dr got his license removed for some reason so I kinda believe the hospital).

Ever sense I’ve had the same issues but they’ve gotten worse and worse. Chronic pain, nightmares, always tired and can never get enough sleep but I can’t stay asleep. Brain fog, anxiety, always having to plan waking up way early because I just cannot wake up quickly and feel drunk when I wake up. Reality feels weird when I do wake up, like it’s a shift that I can’t explain.

Yes I have ptsd. Yes my dreams shifted into things related to it. Yes I’m depressed and anxious.

But I truly believe that whatever I had, be it mono or something else, triggered a physical health issue that hasn’t been figured out yet.

Does my mental health play a role? Yes. Of course. But is it the only cause? No.

Who wouldn’t be depressed, anxious etc when experiencing all these symptoms with no idea what’s going on and no way to find relief. The trauma only adds to it, but isn’t the cause. It’s not the only reason.

So being told it’s all in my head makes me angry. All the tests coming back normal or unclear is upsetting. Theres obviously a connection, at least to me, to the time I was sick as a teen.

Idk. I’m upset. I agree about more intensive treatment. But I don’t believe that all of this is in my head.

#mushroomwillow rambles #mental health #tired #ptsd #tw ptsd #living with ptsd #chronic pain #chronically ill #undiagnosed chronic pain #undiagnosed chronic illness #undiagnosed disability

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etherical-angel · 8 months

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been in a depression(due to my brain having depression) lately.....not goooddddd😇

i think most of it comes from just succumbing to my beliefs of 'everything is hopeless, choose pleasure over effort' as a way of control yknow. its weird, since im aware that the 'effort'(doing chores and selfcare) is what life is about, and that it will lead to betterness. but my brain sees it as like....participating in a game i dont agree with. and that i should play my own instead(laying in bed and daydreaming -> giving happy chemicals). ive done a bit of drawing, but most have just been with the motivation that im drawing to impress someone else. which is better than nothing ig. theres so much more i want to be doing, and i just think that i'd be more able to do it if my room was clean. probably. i havent unpacked yet and my floor is covered in clothes and i need to do laundry. and i think its been over a week since i bathed(my hair is RAPIDLY falling out and i cant tell if its more than normal or just due to not washing it...). idk, hard to keep track of the days.

i have a doctors appointment on thursday finally, and my head still hurts, but thankfully my anxiety over it has moved on(i no longer careeeee).

whatever back to the vent -> its the frustration that no matter how many times i try, i always return to This. it clouds being able to see a future that i want, and fuels my suicidal beliefs. knowing that i can do anything if i just put in the Effort, knowing its logically all my fault, knowing that im alone in this. i dont have someone i can just ask to help clean my room, someone to ask to help me do creative things, someone to ask to just help me cuz i. dont know how to ask. or what to ask for. ig this is why ive just craved a lover so bad, since i think theyd wordlessly know what to do. i wouldnt have to ask and i wouldnt have to know, theyd just do it. and i'd feel ok. i also know this is literally what caretaker alters are for, and one will come out eventually, but i cant just force it. especially when we're currently so convinced of hopelessness n despair. like literally the whole point of DID is so that someone else can do this shit, and we cant even do that properly....i feel like im so close to just snapping out of it tho. like im just missing some small realization and itll click into place. like its already there in my brain but theres a blockage keeping it from surfacing. ive been better before, i just keep forgetting what made me think that way. and how it was that i was viewing things. maybe if i listen to the right music and just try to focus on remembering, try really hard to let the urges go, think about how good life could be(despite the world n my body not being ideal) if i just saw things in a positive light, and try to view being positive as not a way of losing control..maybe i could force a switch. if i could get a balence of being aware of how horrible everything is, but also knowing that being positive and doing Effort is also fighting the system just as much.

anyway heres some pics i took a couple days ago👇👇👇👇👇

#had some shit happen 2day that fueled my delusions Big Time but. in a fun good way. in a YESSSSSSS THATS IMPOSSIBLE BUT FUCK YESSSS #it happened after i tried doing the thing i wrote abt doing so..felt kinda like a reward yknow #i wrote this thing hourrrrrssss ago bc i got lost in my fixation lol #im gonna try having a bath even tho im so sleepy tired rn #me

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iwannabeastarstarrockmann · 9 months

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i dont fucking know if my thoughts are my own or if ive just been so emotionally and verbally abused each day that im starting to internalize someone elses idea of me. idk what to think lately. im so fucking depressed and anxious and sad like every single day, it hurtsso much, and it fucking sucks that there are people in my life who just view me as a sad sack of shit with no aspirations or value. i never get more than a day to get better from anything before someone in my life is pressuring me to get off my ass and do something productive. dont you know tht there is something seriously wrong with me. idk why i cant do things, i just cant. i wan to be so productive and social, i just cant bring myself to do it right now. i feel so trapped and overwhelmed. do you realize how exhausting it is to wake up everyday with a mind attacking itself, with a body that aches, with a hope that this will be your last day of suffering, with no sense of what it is you need in order for the suffering to stop. i want to scream but i have no energy to. i want to die one minute and then hope to save my own life the next, contradicting every word or thought with an action that is not my own. theres days where my health anxiety is practically non existant and then something will happen, it could be something so nonsensical and somehow ill get triggered or worried and there i go absolutely obsessed with some strange pain or weird tension, or god forbid i actually get infected with something. thats all i could focus on 24/7 until i find some way to make it better, but the worry from the thing that im feeling and wondering about my health, this shit brain decides its so stressful and scary that i should just starve myself, cause if i were skinny, these prooblems wouldnt feel so big, or maybe id be able to go to the doctor if im 2 sizes smaller. that doesnt make any sense. i know it doesnt so why do i do what i do. and then theres the cutting that i feel i have to do or else i wont learn from my mistakes but if i cut myself whenever i impulsively feel like it, then that makes my immune system too weak to fight off whatever i think i have this week so im trying to recover from that as its only making everything more complicated, but its all i can think about, especially in this self loathing state im in now. im such an idiot, im just a sick fuck who cant stop thinking to herself that maybe im faking all this and im actually okay. i think its all my fault for being this way, i dont remember what started all these unhealthy coping mechanisms but it has to have started with a thought right? i feel so ashamed for being this way, it was stupid of me to ever adopt such habits restriction makes me more confident but the constant exercise makes me too weak to go anywhere to show that confidence, and great! now i actually am sick, and my immune system is shit, and my emotional state and self hatred is making it worse, and im too overwhelmed to see anyone in my life who thinks they love me, because i dont want them to see me like this. they wouldnt believe me if i tried to explain that im struggling and need help. ive tried. they dont listen. they dont realize whats important. i know i put em through hell, im selfish, im self centered and dramatic and lazy and gross and undeserving of any love they think they have for me. i dont trust it. dont tell me you love me, you barely know me, the real me, the one i keep locked behind a closed door each night, to contemplate what im going to do about this shit life ive curated for myself. im so tired, im so fucking tired all of the time. i dont know how to keep going. i dont know how to do anything for that matter. im not even going to revise this shit post, im too tired, i just need to announce somewhere, somehow, that im so fucking lost that i dont even know if my thoughts are my own, or what it means to be a person. everyday with this bullshit, now im getting into existential dread territory, im just so sick of my own shit! im sick of myself. why cant i function like everyone else???

i want it to be over, i wish my problems could just be solved without any external help. i just want to wake up tomorrow and for everything to just be okay. i want to feel okay again. i dont need anything fancy, please let me wake up tomorrow with hope of brighter days. its so hard to see the beauty in my life when im being suffocated and pinned down by something invisible. i dont have the capacity to love or care for anyone or anything, and no one can see that i just need a break?? how can you not see me? no one can see, ill show them and they still wont see! they refuse, simply because, they cannot see inside my head and dont care enough to want to. they think they do. i tried to tell them time and time again but i think its just that when i am feeling okay, they dont like the choices i make. when im okay, i make sure i make the most of that time by prioritizing my own happiness over everyone elses, and that really pisses people off! to the point where they want to tear me down and take that light away from me. i didnt ask to be here, now, with all this pressure on my shoulders to be more than what i am. im simply existing. i can feel it. tomorrows gonna be so shit. i can always sense the storm before it comes, i wish i could prevent it, or ease my pain in some way. these substances are nice in the moment but eventually the buzz will wear off and ill just be me again, with nothing to offer. i dont have anything to offer. life is too hard, i gave up so long ago and didnt even realize that is what was happening at the time. i just go through it day by day without fully processing that ill have to wake up the next day. i wish my life was a dream i could wake up from. my brain isnt working right. i dont recognize myself. i hate how alone we all are. every sensation, thought, visual, sound, and taste. you are completely isolated from everyone around you.

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glorifiedbones · 2 years

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i hate that i tried to reach out to a new person thinking we would have so much in common and hes just so fucking bland and boring. all he wants to do is watch one piece or other shitty yt videos

like idk i didnt mind that the first couple nights because bonding whatever but now im just like brug cpuldnt we watch one of my favourite animes? or play the game we said we would like forty million times? i get hes not a gamer and doesnt play all the games i like and that hes only interested in one atm but he doesnt even play that with me. literally like once

idk he just makes me feel fucking bad about myself and i dont want to talk to him anymore i dont think. i feel like he always guilts me. like hes the only one who has depression/anxiety, like hes the only one who fan do cool things, like hes just so fucking idk better than everyone else but also doing worse off than everyone else. i dont like the saying ‘its all about me’ but literally him

and yet i still cant help but feel bad because imagine if i blocked him and than he fucking idk gets more depressed about it? talks shit about me? deletes the stardew world if he hasnt already? idk its so dumb

but i feel like eating cardboard and watching paint dry is more entertaining than he is. at least his voice is nice though

i cant help but be reminded of the time i asked someone to share their project with me and i assumed they were making jokes but i was mistaken and they didnt talk to me for hours in anger. they explained things layer of course, theres more to story than that i suppose but it doesnt matter. the outcome was still the same. i still tolerated that person ans tried to be their friend and eventually had a crush on them because i have issues with relationships as a whole and i just dont want that to happen again.

i dont want to get attached again. not that i think could be attached to this particular individual he drives me up the fucking walls. makes me so fucking angry sometimes. but its a possibility i guess. im not sure.

i want to block him i think

i hope i figure things out. im tired of sitting around waiting for time to pass by and before i know it ive known a person for nearly a decade and they are the most boring piece of shit human alive. fucking creepy too.

i just want to cut off all the people and things that make me reel bar but im not sure jow ro to whour that. i know thay ik dontlifter but thwy weenw to he wll i fwj ewu wt turnkomejt whour thwy topic

im tired of it all

#may 18th 22

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dyketubbo · 2 years

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vent or whatever under the cut bc i didnt feel like venting on discord about it mostly jsut musings abt friendship and this fandom n the pros and cons or whatever

on one hand sometimes i feel lonely knowing im not really friends with like more than a few people in this fandom and that unless i get lucky i normally dont get much engagement (in the sense that, while i get notes on like. posts people find funny or engaging sometimes i certainly dont get asks often nor am i someone who really gets approached at all most of the time) nor do i really engage with others ig out of a mix of anxiety and how.. idk. mean. and sort of off rockers if you dont know them a lot of this fandom is. and it sort of sucks knowing once i stop being interested in dsmp i wont really have made a mark. and ill probably only stay friends with maybe 4 people because im not a social person and it is, absolutely, on me for the most part. i dont know if people will really remember my name. and i know theres certainly people who just really detest me for various reasons

on the other hand, well. there are a lot of problems with this fandom. dsmp makes me happy and theres certain parts of the fandom that make me happy but i know if i branch out any farther than this ill.. probably just be uncomfortable. stick out like a sore thumb in a sea of people who genuinely do value the comedy of saying risky and fucked up things over like. being respectful of strangers. ill always inherently think being invested in a strangers life or saying weird things about them like calling them a sl.t or wh.re or talking abt how they should do drugs/drink and especially when it comes to the gray area of saying this about characters that are based on them ill think its weird to do that for the sake of being funny.

its started planting a weird seed of doubt in my mind that im just. being a party pooper. that i should loosen up and stop being bothered by these things, that it really is funny to be weird towards someone and show disrespect towards them just because theyll never see it and you only know the persona they put on anyways. that maybe i really am the odd one out for being triggered by drugs and alcohol and thinking they should be tagged or that even with the characters we should be considerate

i dont know. being in this fandom has made me loosen up about certain things and tighten up about even more things. i dont know where ill go next from here. i think ill probably always be a lonely and secluded person

i could nitpick a lot of things about this fandom. i could nitpick a lot of things about myself. in the end i can see why i dont have anyone i truly trust or rely on anymore, but that doesnt really make it any less depressing. teen angst really shining through and all, but i think ill always be a lonely person. i dont think ill ever trust anyone or have a safe place thatll always feel safe. i think im permanently stuck being just close enough to being okay that it just means the fall is even longer and more painful each time it gets ripped from me. maybe im just one of those people whose doomed to aware of all their failings and yet not have the courage to fix it. or to fix themselves. and god knows its not like im about to think anyone else can

#mask mews #personal #dont reblog. obvs

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purplespaceace · 3 years

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very few characters actually have adhd in media, and when they do, what people mean by that is just that they fidget a lot, not that they have adhd. the only character with adhd I can think of where I’ve watched/read it and I’ve gone, “oh, this character actually has adhd” is Jake peralta from Brooklyn 99. so, here’s my take on how to write adhd, with examples from Brooklyn 99.

I’ll do the best I can to separate them into three categories; the three things people look for in adults with ADHD, which are rejection sensitivity dysphoria, an interest-based nervous system, and emotional hyperarousal.

I’ll also randomly bold and italicize bits so people with ADHD can actually read it.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, or RSD

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria makes people with ADHD overly sensitive to criticism, even if they perceive a rejection and there actually isn’t one. Their emotions are also very strong generally. Because of RSD, people with ADHD become people-pleasers and can develop anxiety because they’re so eager to please.

For me, RSD makes me cry an embarrassing amount for any little reason. in your writing, make your characters overdramatic, criers, and/or people-pleasers. They’ll have trouble saying no. They may also be over competitive, as their perceived rejection may include losing.

how does Jake show this in b99? When Jake comes up with a catchphrase and Rosa says it’s terrible, jake is far more hurt than he should be. He hates losing, and he gets overly upset whenever someone says they don’t like him or don’t trust him, etc. he’s also a people pleaser who has trouble saying no.

An interest-based nervous system

An interest-based nervous system includes hyperfocuses and an inability to pay attention. It stems from the fact that we can’t make as much dopamine as neurotypicals. This means that while neurotypicals get dopamine after completing a task, people with ADHD don’t. That means that people with ADHD don’t have any reason to do tasks, especially those they don’t like. This leads to executive dysfunction—people with ADHD will know they have to or want to do something, but they can’t seem to do it. people with ADHD hyperfocus on things that bring them dopamine. I was obsessed with warrior cats for three years. But hyperfocuses can also last a short amount of time—I’ll have a drawing idea in the middle of class and won’t be able to concentrate on anything else before I finish it. this is where our impulsiveness comes from. we can leap into things we think will give us dopamine without thinking, which can lead to injury. We also tend to tell people personal things they don’t want to hear because of this, and don’t have very good boundaries. We sometimes say whatever comes into our head, which can also result in us being rude on accident. Our voices can also get very loud or we can interrupt people frequently because we’re so impulsive. When people with ADHD hyperfocus, they can forget about anything else. I’ll forget to eat if I’m busy reading a Wikipedia article about feminism in the 1850s, and won’t go to the bathroom or drink water either. It’s also important to note that taking away distractions doesn’t help, because we can do things like pick at our skin and daydream—something that people with ADHD do a lot of. Because of executive dysfunction, people can call people with ADHD lazy or irresponsible.

people with ADHD can also be extremely indecisive because ADHD affects our executive functioning, and making decisions requires planning and prioritizing, and task initiation, which are both executive functions!

people with ADHD also have poor memory for important things, but tend to remember random bits of trivia. Poor memory leads to object permanence problems, which means people with ADHD can forget to call a friend back for weeks, forget that they need to read library books in a closed cabinet, or forget that the vegetables they got will go bad. People can sometimes say that people with ADHD don’t care about anything because of this.

people with ADHD can also be prone to depression because of under or overstimulation. Boredom feels painful for people with ADHD. If we’re overstimulated, we can experience sensory overload—if things are too bright or too loud, if too many things are touching us at once—often it’s not because the thing is too intense, but because too many things are happening at once.

We also have something some people call dolphin brain, where we jump from one thing to another. From the outside, it looks really random, but I find that when I’m talking to another neurodivergent communication is generally easier. For instance, someone with ADHD might see a bee at a baseball field and tell their team about the time they saw whales at seaworld because their little brother was also stung by a wasp there. people will see no connection on the outside, but it makes perfect sense to the person with ADHD.

people with ADHD can also be overachievers, either because they hyperfocus on schoolwork or their RSD makes it so that failing at something isn’t an option. people with ADHD can also be very controlling and stubborn, probably because we hyperfocus on something and cant handle it being any different, and any change to our plans can be seen as rejection.

we can also have a hard time ordering our thoughts or doing stuff like math in our head. a lot of the time I number my thoughts like, 1. this reason, 2. this reason, etc. even if theres only two or sometimes I just need the 1. as a transition for my brain. when I don’t write it down or organize it like that it feels like I’m trying to grasp ropes that have been covered in oil (it’s not going to happen) and then my brain gets all jumbled and I have to restart at the beginning. this is probably just me, but it feels the same way when I’m reading long paragraphs of something uninteresting, or even short bits of historical documents because the way they phrase things is really pompous and hard to process.

also, stuff like caffeine calms us down and helps us focus. people who don’t take medication (me) often drink coffee or caffeinated sodas to focus.

another random tip, but if your character with ADHD also is genderfluid or genderflux, they might have a hard time figuring out their gender sometimes, because we can be known to have a hard time putting our feelings into words or our brains will just go, “nope, not thinking about that right now” and move on, which can be pretty frustrating.

people with adhd also have a trait called time blindness, where we have no idea how long something takes and therefore can’t manage our time very well. this often results in us being late or just sitting around the house because we got ready way too early.

we also have something called consequence blindness—we do things and are completely unaware of the consequences. if I don’t brush my teeth, I get cavities. but I don’t think about that when I’m deciding I’m too tired to brush my teeth.

in b99, jake regularly stays up all night solving cases and watches documentaries on random topics. He’s also very distractible—when they’re trying to find the person who sent Captain Holt death threats in the train yard, Jake says he and captain holt should take a train trip together sometime. Jake says that he’ll forget Amy if they don't work together because he’s like a goldfish.

Emotional hyperarousal

This is the only thing people tend to include when writing characters: the fidgeting. People with ADHD tend to need more stimulation than others, so we’ll do things like draw during class and chew on pens.

people with ADHD can also have apd, or auditory processing disorder. we tend to watch shows with subtitles on and may take a second to process what you’re saying, or hear it wrong. The subtitles thing may be partially do to creating just the right amount of stimulation, but if I don’t have subtitles, me and my other friends with ADHD will watch tv with the volume turned up very high. People with ADHD also can have a hard time interpreting other people‘s tone and have a hard time controlling their own. They can be bad at social cues and have poor manners because we don’t pick up on that stuff.

people with ADHD also tend to observe everything or nothing at any given time, mostly based on the amount of stimulation they have—if they dont have a lot in their main task, they’ll need to take in something else at the same time. Likewise, if I’m hyperfocusing on something I often don’t notice anything else, like if someone asks me a question.

in b99, Jake fidgets with things a lot. In the intro, he’s picking up and examining a figurine on his desk, likely because he was bored with paperwork or some other task.

#adhd #writing #writing adhd #brooklyn nine nine #b99 #brooklyn99 #Jake peralta #Adhd Jake #neurodivergent #writing tips #adhd problems #adhd misconceptions #nd #neurodivergence

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crwatters · 4 years

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#tw suicidal ideation #tw suicide #dw tho im not going to do anything atm; dont have a plan. just... trying to vent. trying to let the pain escape elsewhere.#just for a min. just a release that for once isnt self harm or self destructive behavior.#im trying so hard. i dont want to be this way anymore. but idk how long i can keep holding on.#the world is careening for destruction. too much destruction. every day every month every year gets worse and worse and worse.#how much more can i take?#i think id rather die now by my own hand than after ive lost too many people and one of the crisises finally gets me.#id rather die now while theres still people to mourn me.#and yes it's incredibly selfish and i hate myself for it. im also too fat to die now.#too gross for anyone to look at and feel anything but pity.#i should saty for those that love me you say. and perhaps youre right. but im too much of a burden.#too expensive for my mom to help support (not that she says that. she just deserves better. more financial stability. im a drain)#too sick for my friends to deal with. some of them dont even knkw the half of it and im still too much.#im not neurotypical to begin with but placing whatever it is that makes my brain like /that/ is near impossible with everything else.#depression; anxiety; disordered eating; dysmorphia; trauma from abuse; dermatillomania and trichotillomania that just makes me even uglier #i even manage to be a burden on my fucking dnd group. im pretty sure the only reason i havent been kicked out is bc somehow liz got it in #her head that it's the only thing keeping me from offing myself. im so ill shes forcing everyone else to put up with me in the vain hope #itll help. and im a week into my summer class and already fucking failing it. its an easy class and its tbe 3rd fucking time ive taken it #and the girl i like.... she deserves someone so much better than me. someone who answers her texts in a timely fashion and contributes #more to conversation. someone who isnt broke and stupid and utterly selfish. someone who wont deplete her already low energy supply #climate change is accelerating; everything is dying and i cant fucking DO anything. books are liars bc no matter how much you want to fix #things; NOTHING FUCKING CHANGES. and then the pandemic. the looming depression and housing crisis. the wannabe fascist government.#the erosion of civil rights all across the board. if i do somehow make it to 25 years old how many peopke i love will still be alive?#who will i have lost to covid; bullets; suicide? and there i go being a fucking hypocrite again.#yknow what maybe i will just go cut the shit out of my hips. itll hurt less then all this fucking thinking and self hatred.#sh tw #tw sh mention #tw #cw

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creweemmaeec11 · 3 years

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I’ve been thinking about getting a pet rat, do you have any tips or what to start researching??

Absolutely! Pet rats are fantastic!

Heres a bunch of general info!

They are easy to care for, super interactive and intelligent, they can be trained to do tricks, mine are shoulder trained, which means I put them on my shoulder and just leave them there while I walk around and do whatever else, and they just sit and watch and hang out and it's great (they have awesome balance) and they love it. They can even be litter trained.

What rat should you get?

The first thing to know, is you can never, ever, have only 1 rat.

You NEED to get at least 2.

They are very social animals, and they need a friend. I can not stress this enough. Under no circumstance should you be buying a single rat.

Having only a single rat, on top of being just generally cruel, leads to behavior problems, depression, aggression, anxiety and just a really bad time for both the rat and the owner. Most rat breeders will actually refuse to sell you single rat baby unless you already have rats and your looking on simply getting another one. Please do not buy a single rat.

The next thing to consider is whether you want males or females. There is actually a big difference between their behaviors, potential health problems, and even diets.

-Male rats tend to be more lazy, cuddly, and want to spend more time with you. However, they do smell more, as they scent mark. Males should never eat anything citrusy, (lemons, oranges, ect) as studies show it increases chances of tumors.

-Females tend to be more energetic and playful and just want to go,go,go. They don't want to be held as much, and good luck getting them to stay still long enough to cuddle. They smell less, though. They can have bits of citrus, but most reccomend to just steer clear of it regardless. Females are also prone to mammory tumors (how I lost hex) unless spade at a young age.

Some health tips for both genders:

-They can eat pretty much anything, I often call mine "glorified greenbins". They love supper leftovers, scraps, ect. One of their favour treats is the bones from cooked chicken(good for grinding down teeth too)

-in general, avoid things with too much protein and try to keep it low in their diet (so dont give them too much meat) protein has been linked to hair loss, tumors, and other health problems

-stay away from peanutbutter or other sticky foods unless its watered down. Rats don't have a gag reflex, and thus can't dislodge something if they choke. Many risk it, but it's not worth the risk in my opinion.

If you have a cat or dog, make sure their cage is in a place your other pets cant pester and scare them.

Their cage

Just some quick tips and info:

While rats don't need a big cage, the tiny hamster cage the guy at the pet store will try and sell you won't cut it, esspecially once they are full grown. I personally recommend Critter Nation cages (as most people do, they are the community standard) but they are expensive new. Search facebook marketplace or other sites for second hand cages, they are a great way to get a good cage cheap.

Rats will chew through any cage that isnt metal, they can't be kept in plastic bottomed cages either.

Rats need airflow. Most rat owners of the western world strongly disagree with keeping rats in tanks.

It's important your rats have at least one place to hide, somewhere out of site they can go if they feel stressed or scared.

Toys! Rats are very intelligent, and need stimulation! They arent picky though. While you can buy fancy toys, they also don't mind diy (theres plenty) or even just some cardboard boxes, pompoms, cardboard tubes, fabric scraps like old destroyed clothing cut up, socks, ect! (I could make a whole nother post on great rat toy ideas alone)

Rats are great climber and jumpers, something to keep in mind while arranging their cage

I'm ready to get my rats, where do I get them?

I'd personally urge you to avoid big pet store chains, as those rats are typically mass bred with little care. Leople have bought females that turned out to be pregnant, rats that had mites, ect. Search online to find local rat breeders. These rats are bred to be healthy, handled daily as babies, ect. They will be more expensive, but will have less health and behavioral problems and will typically live longer (trust me, I learned the hard way)

Other things to keep in mind and be aware of:

people don't like rats. Especially elders. I've heard it all, many claim you'll catch diseases from them (despite the fact theyve lived in their cage their whole live and have been bred to be pets. Where would they have caught the disease to give to me in the first place? Its idiotic and completly false) I've had family members comment rude things of their photos, "I'd scream if there was a rat on my shoulder" ect. (If you rent, you may have problems with other tenants or the property owner, worried about them "getting loose in the walls" or some sh*t)Don't let idiots sway you. Rats are wonderful, very clean and intelligent animals. Just be prepared to defend your babies, and teach/show people to give them the respect they deserve.

rats don't have a long life span, and while some can live to be around 5, most only live about 2 years. Just understand this.

Know you will make mistakes, and that's okay. Every single pet owner has and will make mistakes. You will learn.

Anyway, that about sums up my little spiel, but here are the basic topics to research when thinking about getting rats:

How to care for pet rats

Rat diet and limitations

Things to know about pet rats

There are many, many good resources online! I also reccomend joining some rat facebook groups. The people in them are super nice and informative to questions, and its wonderful having a community behind you, and have somewhere to go with any questions!

I hope this helped! If your thinking about getting rats as pets, I encourage you to! Just do your research. They make wonderful pets and companions.

Also know that I'm not an expert, or a vet, I'm still learning everyday. This is just what I've learned via owning them. I urge you to do your own research into some of the things I mentioned here.

#rats #pet rats

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aropride · 2 years

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my line of thought is like. ive been in treatment for depression/anxiety for 6 years now. and im getting,, a little bit better? but im definitely not recovering at the rate that is normal- apparently ppl usually feel much better after 3-4 months. which means somethings up. theres a reason im not seeing drastic improvement & my theory is that something is going untreated. like. something else is going on . i dont see my therapist until tuesday or i wouldve brought this up in therapy today.

& i dont mean this in a negative "oh somethings wrong with me" "oh ill never get better" way . i mean that . yeah somethings wrong with me /neu. and i need that to be diagnosed and treated before i can recover from my other stuff. like i do think that if whatevers wrong with me gets at least diagnosed/recognized ill feel a lot better. bc thats the starting point of how treatment will change.

but also it feels bad cuz like, my therapist is great i love her. and i feel like the treatment shes doing WOULD work if there werent . yknow. something wrong with me

and like Yeah i have my guesses. but ive always felt rlly rlly bad abt self dxing even tho im fine with literally anyone else self dxing. ive suspefcted i have adhd since i was 14 and i still dont like. say it. jfgkfd i dunno. sorry im talking to myself. blogging on my blog again :rolling_eyes: how dare i.

#text #DO NOT REBLOG ^_^#neg

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ablednt · 2 years

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im not disagreeing with ur gifted kid post, but the way some of ur stuff is phrased can come off in ways u might not have intended. boiling those sorts of unrealistic expectations of very young kids down to "being complimented too much" ignores that a lot of these kids were unfairly placed in these programs and forced to complete them regardless of how much they struggled with it (and that these kids were in prime environments for developing npd due to overinflated ego from a young age). many gifted kids were given extremely unreasonable expectations and only barely managed to meet them in order to avoid facing punishment for failing. im not saying there ARENT gifted kids who dont treat it like "oh i was so special and now im not boohoo :( i need special treatment for it" but i feel like theres some aspects thats have been unintentionally misunderstood (/nm /nonagg!!! ^^ just wanted to bring this up as more of a discussion than an argument, hope ive made sense!)

No I definitely agree but my point is that I've never seen a genuine discussion from these people about this and I'm sure they exist to some capacity but that's Very Clearly not what the community was formed around nor where the term originated. People don't complain that they had expectations on them they just make stupid tiktoks like "teachers seeing a neurodivergent person: omg you're so smart you're my favorite student!!!" and then act like that's 1. universal and not just for palatable NDs and 2. that being complimented by their teachers was the problem and not everything else

I think it's also important to note that the expectations really weren't worse for gifted kids, it's just that gifted kids got closer to reaching those expectations and felt they actually had a chance whereas everyone else was punished automatically for not coming close. The issue is not specific to any one class or type of class it's a widespread issue with academia as a whole.

I genuinely don't think that gifted kids had it any easier than anyone else but I don't think that they had it harder either. Recently someone while venting told me, "I think school is stealing my family from me" because of the extreme expectations put on them and they're definitely not in any kind of gifted kid program, it's literally just as bad and extreme for all of us.

Like and I really don't think it's a coincidence that the times that I've criticized gifted kids and the times that I've challenged academia is when I've gotten some of my most blatantly ableist asks telling me to "just get over [my disability] and read some fucking books" and grasping at whatever straws they can to make me look "unintelligent" (like yeah I totally don't have trauma with academia I'm just mad because [checks notes] I play undertale sometimes and it made me incapable of coherent thought I guess/s)

The community is inherently classist and ableist and whilst they definitely do have trauma from academia it is not any different than the rest of ours, them separating it as some different and unique trauma just because they did better than us so obviously we just Wouldn't Understand their Huge Brains is just so frustrating and gross and I just really wish people would realize that rather than using this as a crutch not to work on their internalized ableism like yeah take trauma processing at your own pace but that doesn't mean you get to make it everyone else's problem.

Also a lot of people are gonna hate this comparison but I frankly don't see a single difference in gifted kids making up terms to say that their experiences are somehow more severe or even all that different to ours cause they're just Built Different and empaths taking widespread issues that affect everyone and acting like they're just sensitive special little souls and we could never comprehend their pain when really it's the same shit like depression, anxiety, etc. that we all live with on a daily basis.

#I do agree with you though that there IS an actual issue #I know that a lot of gifted kids have trauma being treated like spoiled and bratty when they expressed genuine hurt #and I definitely don't share that sentiment it's just that they're going about everything in an incredibly ableist manner #it's in my mind absolutely comparable to the way that ppl who think narc abuse is real weaponize their trauma against ppl with npd #like rather than actually challenging academia in any meaningful way they just spend their time lashing out at disabled and undereducated #people the fact that they do have real problems to worth through doesn't excuse that yk?#not saying that you were trying to make an excuse though it's reasonable to interpret what I said the way that you did

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