#and then every doctor i saw was like 'um idk your body is just fucked up. good luck though and good riddance'

[iguessweallcrazyithinktho]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒘𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒕

Hiii I don't know if you take request but can i request like a chris evans x reader like the reader and chris are married and chris is having a bad day or something so chris go out to the pub and go home drunk and its been going for 3 days and the reader and chris has a 6year old and the reader have been doing all the work and taking care of they're daughter and they're daughter miss chris bc chris is never home and just go home until 12 or 2 in the morning or if chris is home he never play with her daughter and they're daughter is sad abt it bc they're daughter though chris doesn't love her anymore and chris miss her play in school even though chris promise so that day when chris miss her daughter's play the reader confront chris abt it and chris said he doesn't care abt his daughter and he said he didn't know why he married the reader bc she's clingy but chris didn't know that they're daughter heard what chris said abt her and chris didn't know also that the reader is 6-7 weeks pregnant and the reader and chris heard they're daughter sob and that moment chris realize it all his mistakes? and apologize to them idk if this make sense and im sorry if this is so longg, thank you in advance stay safe! <3

𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝒅𝒓𝒖𝒏𝒌 𝒄𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔, 𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔, 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒇𝒖𝒍

𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝒄𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔 𝒆𝒗𝒂𝒏𝒔 𝒙 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓, 𝒅𝒂𝒅 𝒄𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔

𝑷𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒕 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕

--

"What did you say?" You stood in front of Chris, your heart breaking in your chest. The both of you were in the middle of a fight and chris side something you never thought he would ever think about saying.

It all started a few weeks ago. Chris has been away, going straight to the bar right after working. He didn't come back home till 12am leaving your 6 year old wondering if she was loved by him.

Two weeks prior

You heard the front door open as you laid in bed. Sighing, you looked over at the clock seeing that it was almost one am. This was the third time this week.

You sat up as you heard Chris footsteps approaching. The door swung open revealing Chris. "Where have you been?" You questioned. Chris approached the bed, he didn't even glance at you. The smell of alcohol filled the air telling you where he was all day.

"out." Chris began to pull off his Jacket. You rolled your eyes, "out... Where? You smell like alcohol, have you been at the bar?"

Chris rolled his eyes, "y/n, get off my back. Every day I come back you question me." He threw his coat to the floor before he walked out of the room. You don't know where he was going nor did you care at this point. He was being a huge dick right now and you hope he snaps out of it.

*

The next morning you woke to your alarm clock. You pressed snooze, shutting off the annoying sound. You let out a stretch as you turned around. Chris wasn't on his side of the bed, the blanket were pulled back, a empty cold space was there. You sighed as you kicked the covers off your body. You weren't even going to think about Chris, all you were worried about was your daughter isabella, and getting her ready for school.

The door slightly creaked as you pushed it open. You saw isabella sleeping soundly in her bed, her princess blankets covering her so well.

You walked straight to the window, opening the curtains before shaking isabella awake. "Time to get up honey."

Isabella stirred, she peered at you before a smile creeped on her face. She's been doing that ever since she was a little peanut, smiling every time she saw you and Chris. It was so sweet and it made you very happy.

"hi mommy. She pushed the blanket back letting out a big stretch. "Good morning bug. You ready to get ready for school?"

Isabella nodded, "yeah."

"okay, then let's go."

*

Isabella sat at the table eating her cereal. You were preparing her lunch for her when she asked you a question. "Mommy, why is daddy never home?"

You looked up at her; you weren't sure what to say. "Umm.. he has a lot of work to do and he has to be away so yeah, that's why he's never home." Isabella nodded, "okay, I'm done with my cereal." She Hopped out of her chair and walked over to you. "Okay, I got your lunch for you, you get your backpack and let's go."

Isabella grabbed her backpack off of the couch before you both were on your way to her school.

*

After dropping isabella off, you were on your way. You had an doctors appointment due to feeling Nauseous and throwing up everything you ate.

You pulled into the parking lot, parking your car in an open space. You shut off the car before you got out and made your way In. It wasn't packed which was nice.

You filled out the information you needed to before you turned it back in and waited.

It was a 15 minute wait before your name was called. You walked back with the doctor who also found out you were having isabella.

"How have you been?" She asked walking into the room after you. "I've been great." She mumbled a nice before logging into her computer. "How has isabella been? She is 6 now right?"

You nodded as you smiled. "Yes, a happy, energetic 6 year old." The doctor laughed, "that's amazing. Okay I'm going to get an ultrasound because you may be pregnant from the symptoms you've told me. So I'm going to need you to lay down and lift your shirt."

You mumbled an ok doing what she said. In that moment you grew nervous.

She placed cold gel on your stomach before placing the wand on it. It took some time before she found the baby on the monitor.

"you are pregnant Mrs Evans." She said turning to you. You clasped your hands over your mouth as you eyes filled with tears. "Oh my gosh." You sniffed "I can't believe it."

Your doctor wiped the gel off and congratulated you. You thanked her. She gave you some information for a healthy pregnancy before she let you go your own way. You got in your car and shed some tears. You were extremely happy.

*

Later that day you picked up isabella. As you stood outside waiting for her you couldn't help but think about isabella having a little brother or sister.

"mommy!"

You snapped out of your daze as you saw isabella running towards you. "Hi honey." You said as you kneeled down to her height. She wrapped her arms around you giving you a big hug. "Did you have a good day?"

Isabella pulled away, "yeah! I going to be in a play." She pulled away and handed you the paper that was in her hand. "The wizard of oz. Honey I'm so proud of you." You stood up and took her hand led her back to the car.

"I can't wait to tell daddy." Isabella said. Your stomach did a little flip. You forgot about Chris. "Yeah, how about I call him and you tell him?"

Isabella nodded, "okay." You got her in the car before you did. You pulled your phone out a dialed chris' number. It rung a few times before Chris picked.

"hi." Chris said. He didn't smile like he used to you noticed. You ignored that, "um isabella has something to tell you." You passed the phone back to isabella.

"hi daddy!" Isabella smiled at Chris through the phone. Chris laughed, "hi bub, what do you have to tell me?"

"I got to tell you I'm going to be in a play."

Chris gasped, "that's amazing baby." Isabella laughed agreeing. "Are you going to be there?"

There was a brief silence before Chris spoke. "Yeah, of course. I promise."

Present day

Your legs bounced as you looked around the crowd room. It was the day of isabella's play. You were waiting for Chris who said he would be there. The play was about to start but he was nowhere to be seen.

"you sighed softly as you looked down at your phone. You kept texting him but there was no response. Your frustration was growing. If he misses this it would be the worse thing ever.

You sat back in your seat trying to relax. Even if he didn't come, you were there for isabella.

·

Chris didn't come and they play soon started. You watched as she did her acting. She was amazing, a little star in the making.

When it was over you went backstage to pick her up. "Mommy did I do a good job?" She asked you. "You did an amazing job." Isabella smiled. "Thanks... Where's day?" She asked looking around. You felt your heart sink in your chest, you didn't want to hurt her feeling but you had to tell her.

"hes not her baby. I'm sorry." Isabella eyes started to fill with tears, "why?" You pulled her into a hug. "I don't know honey but the only thing that matters is that you did an amazing job and I'm very proud of you okay?"

You pulled away and wiped her stray tear away. "Okay." You stood up, "um let's go. We going to go to a restaurant since you did so good." Isabella laughed, "yay."

-

You and isabella had a nice dinner, just the two of you. Even though she was very smiley, you can see the pain in her eyes. You felt guilty even though it wasn't even your fault. You were getting sick of Chris not being there, it was time to confront him.

After putting isabella to bed, you waited for him. Just like other nights he came home around 12am. As you heard the door open you walked to the foyer, your arms crossed over your chest, and a frown on your face.

Chris shut the door before turning around. When he saw you he sighed.

"are you fucking kidding me?" You said. Chris looked at you, "what?"

You scoffed, "you missed isabella's play. You promised you would be there and you fucking broke it."

"oh y/n, fuck off with your bullshit. I wish I never fucking married you. And you know what forget isabella, I don't care about her stupid play. You both have been down my throat for weeks, I wish I didn't know you two."

You breath was caught in your throat as he said those things. "What did you say?" You looked at him, your blood boiling and your heart was breaking.

Chris was about to speak again but you were interrupted by a cry. You looked up the stairs seeing isabella. She was crying, she heard everything. She ran back to her room leaving you and Chris. You could stop the tears forming in your eyes.

You turned back to Chris. "Fuck you, you're disgusting." You ran up the stairs going to get isabella. You weren't going to spend the night here, you just couldn't. You took isabella with you to a hotel leaving Chris in your house.

As hours went on and Chris sobered up his words ate at him. He sat on the kitchen floor crying to himself. "What the fuck have I just done?"

--

I'm going to make it two parts. I'll get to writing the next. Sorry it's kinda harsh

@chris-butt @patzammit @bval-1 @raveviolet @mrsbbarnesrogers-reading @enn-j @london-dreamer71 @harrysthiccthighss @captianamerica-is-bae @la-cey @weirdowithnobeardo @lovepeacefood @baby-i-am-fireproof @denisemarieangelina @evans713 @smyfmj @thereisa8ella @rororo06 @keiva1000 @ughitsnic @adriannajackson123 @marvelnaturalock @notyourtypicalrose @dummiesshort @onetwo3000 @hhiggs @katiew1973 @andreasworlsboring101 @skepticnovak @funfickgirl22 @hxnesthxneybee @christhickevans @melchills-j @franchesca-791 @moonlacebeam @annasworld14 @areamir

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans imagines #chris evans x plus size reader #chris evans imagine

[theroguequeenaniki]

Questions 2009 -> 2021

This is from my Facebook. It popped up on my memories page thing. I originally answered this in 2009 when I was 15, it’s now 2021 & and I am 27, so I’m gonna do it again. Leaving the original answers. Original answers will be italicized. Commentary on the original answers in parentheses & crossed out? Lol. (I’m not gonna tag anyone, but, like, I guess if you want to answer these random questions from Facebook 12 years ago, go ahead lol) 

Questions

Can you fill this out without lying? You've been tagged, so now you need to answer all the questions HONESTLY. At the end, choose people to tag. Don't forget to tag me so I can see your answers! To do this, copy this entire message, then go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, delete my answers, and type yours. Easy! Next, tag people that you think may enjoy this (in the right hand corner of the app). Click publish (at the bottom). Have fun! :) 1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth? My cup with my Big Red in it The straw to my Kate Spade tumbler to drink my HEB Cola Lol.

2.Where was your profile picture taken? I got it off the internet. it's a random anime girl. My bedroom. 3.Can you play Guitar Hero? Never played it. Probably wouldn't be good at it. Not to good at video games. But I am good at Mario Cart, both 64 and the Wii. plus I'm good at some Sonic games. Still never played it. Idk if I’m any good at Mario Cart or the Sonic games anymore, I haven’t played either in years lol

4.Name someone who made you laugh today? Doctor Who TikTok. My cats.

5.How late did you stay up last night and why? Umm, probably about 10:00 cause it took me forevor to get into bed. Uh..Past 4am. Lol. B/c my sleep schedule is fucked. I was in bed by 3am though, but I was playing games & watching TikToks on my phone. Lol.

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you? Yes. I'd move to either New York or Sweden. I don’t know. Part of me says yes. But part of me says no..b/c even though Texas has it’s faults (a LOT of them), I cannot imagine living anywhere else long-term..

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? HAHA. Yeah right. I've never even been kissed! Still nope. I have been kissed though. He just didn’t kiss me under the fireworks the one NYE we spent together...

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you? Um, I think R, but D might also. D is accross Stasney from me and R is a couple blocks down (I don’t talk to these people much anymore & I’m not going to share their names on Tumblr) Uh. I think Maybe Raven? B/c they’re the only one who lives in the same city still. But, Sarah might technically be closer distance wise? Hold on. Ok, yeah, Sarah’s closer, even though she doesn’t live in this city anymore.

9. Do you believe exes can be friends? It all depends on the situation.(I totally stold M's answer but it's true) (I don’t talk to this person anymore & I’m not gonna share their name on Tumblr) I mean, yeah. Two of my best friends are each others exes and they’re still friends. I haven’t stayed friend with my ex, but, uh, he ghosted me so? Lol.

10. How do you feel about Dr. Pepper? I love it. I still love it. Lol.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard? I can't remember. I don't think it was that long ago, I had a light cry on Saturday, but I don't remember the last time I cried really hard. When we got back from our trip in July. Had a full on breakdown that night. Overheated all weekend. Overwhelmed. Anxiety. It was not a very good vacation..I cry a lot though.

12. Who took your profile picture? I got it off of google. I did. 

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? Umm, either myself, or one of my family members. Aside from myself. I think my dad, on his phone, b/c there was a cicada on his shoulder and he wanted to ask the family group chat if he could keep it. Lol. I take a LOT of pictures of cats though. Lol.

14. Was yesterday better than today? Hail yes! To much drama today! And I couldn't avoid it cause I was in the middle of it! (Oof, what drama was 15 yo Linda dealing with that she couldn’t avoid? Lol. I mean, I guess, Sophomore year was a bit full of drama lol) Anyway, I mean, they were pretty much the same. One wasn’t better than the other. One wasn’t worse than the other.

15. Can you live a day without TV? yeah. Now Music there is something I can't live without! Yep, Do it almost everyday. Sentiments about music remain the same. Lol.

16. Are you upset about anything? Yes. I'm annoyed about something and it's making me upset. (I assume this has something to do with the the drama mentioned earlier lol) Always. Anxiety & depression are a bitch. My rooms a mess & I can’t get myself to clean it. My shelves are still a mess.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? yeah. though i havent really had one yet. I mean, yeah. Even though I haven’t had one last, aside from friendships, but they’re worth it. 

18. Are you a bad influence? I hope not. If so, let me know.(again I took M's answer but it's true) Probably. Idk. Lol.

19. Night out or night in? Depends on what's going on and how I feel about it. Night in usually. I do like going out sometimes, but, like, to dinner. Maybe a movie or a show. But, you know, we’ve been in a panini press, the only thing I’ve been comfortable doing is going to dinner (fully vaxxed & masked). But I also prefer staying home anyway. (Like I usually just go to dinner with my family lol)

20. What items could you not go without during the day? my computer. my book. my journal and a pen. My phone. My journal (b/c I write in it every night, as a diary, 14yo Linda wrote stories). Uh. I didn’t take food or drinks into account in the og, so I won’t in those. But, yeah. My phone & journal. I can go a day without my laptop if I need to. (Went the whole trip in July without pulling it out, though maybe that’s not a good example since my anxiety on that trip was so high..) I want to say a book, but I’ve been in a massive reading slump so...I wish I read as much as 15yo Linda did..

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? I don't remember. I think it was myself.(if you want to know, ask me in person) I honestly don’t know. I don’t remember the last time I was in a hospital. 

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? "Mrbobbybones:  wish ted would finally meet their mother already. geez. get to it. However, I see myself in that character more and more each episode." yeah. That's what it says. It's from Twitter. (Huh? and I can’t even go check b/c my inbox doesn’t go back to 2009 on Twitter?? (I haven’t had my account that long) Wait wait wait just remembered I used to get tweets to my phone as text messages lol)

Facebook messenger: “ Cool” From our group chat. Lol.

From actual text messages on my phone: “ heeey! Just put up the Tuesday PDS just for you  it’s a big one.” From Phillip Defranco’s text line Lol.

23. How do you feel about your life right now? I'm loving and hating it. but hey nobody gets out alive right? Uh..I mean. I’m alive. I have WiFi. Food. Family. I haven’t seen my friends in 2 years. (Minus Alex, b/c they were here in July to cat/house sit, but I saw them for like, one night..) There’s a lot that could be better. A lot that could be worse. 

24. Do you hate anyone? yes!!! Oof. I mean, kinda.

25. If we were to look in your Facebook Inbox, what would we find? some random conversations. most of my convos on her though have been in chat or through comments. Facebook Inbox is now Facebook Messenger. So you’ll find all my Facebook Messenger convos. Mostly our group chat. And side group chats for secret planning (birthdays & stuff). Plus other chats? Lol.

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? I better! (excuse me miss 15yo Linda you absolutely could have passed a drug test you ALSO didn’t drink or smoke or take any drugs lol) Yeah. Absolutely. I don’t drink or smoke or take any drugs so, yeah? Lol.

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? 

Yes. But I can't remember when... Yeah. Pretty sure. 

28. What song is stuck in your head? Gee by SNSD(Girls Generation) They're Korean. A few My Chemical Romance songs

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be? EDWARD CULLEN! Joke! lol. No I don't know. If it was Edward, I'd call the cops. whoever it is though better have an explaination or they are gonna get hit in the head with my Book of Shadows. (Maybe I wouldn’t mind Edward at my window though? Lol.) Uh. My friends? Lol. Idk if I want anyone knocking on my window at 2am.

30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50? I don't know....... Uh. No? Idk. Most likely not gonna happen. 

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow? I can't think of anything right now... Eat. Should probably clean my room.

32. Do you think too much or too little? Way to much! lol. Way way way too much

33. Do you smile a lot? i try to. I think I do. I get told that alot in Theater...

I think so

#questions #throwback #is this a get to know me #idk

[sleepysnk]

I would like some angst for Ymir please 😃 idk I just love her so much but break my heart please and thank you

ok wow i'm definitely gonna break your heart with this one. i made this into a modern au! i feel like it would fit better for more angst. i hope you enjoy :)

Ymir x Fem!Reader: Until We Meet Again

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death

"What the fuck do you mean by that?!" (Y/N) yelled at her girlfriend.

"I said it like that (Y/N)! You should know what I mean!" Ymir replied yelling.

The two were currently in a very heated argument. (Y/N) was extremely annoyed with what Ymir had been doing lately, she was going out every night with Historia, and (Y/N) did not like it one bit. She felt as if Ymir was picking that over her, and she wasn't having it.

She rolled her eyes at Ymir. "Ymir just fucking admit partying is more fun than our relationship. It's obvious" she said and crossed her arms.

Ymir snapped her head towards her. "What!? I can NEVER have fun unless you butt in. I'm so tired of you accusing me of shit!" she yelled back.

She shook her head. "You never hangout with me anymore! You're always so busy with Historia! If you want her, just fucking go take her Ymir. I could care less" (Y/N) replied.

Ymir felt anger rushing through her. Why the hell was she acting like this? Ymir wasn't even interested in Historia, and it made her pissed that (Y/N) was always accusing her of something.

"You don't care? Okay (Y/N), until you get your fucking shit straight, don't talk to me" she said and stood up.

The (h/c) haired girl rolled her eyes. "Okay bye! Have fun with Historia, don't come back" she said and shrugged.

Ymir grabbed her car keys and stormed out of her house. She felt the frustration going around her body, and she couldn't handle arguing with her anymore. Ymir loved (Y/N), but the way she acted pissed her off.

She got into her car, and drove off from her apartment. She needed to let off steam, and just be by herself. She'll just go and talk to her when she's more calm. Ymir was feeling guilt for snapping at (Y/N), she wanted their relationship to work so badly, and she hated arguing with her.

Ymir decided to text her to try and calm her down. Maybe (Y/N) will understand everything, she started sending a text, and driving her car. She periodically looked up to focus on her driving.

She began to send the text to (Y/N), when all of the sudden she heard a horn, a car turned in front of her and she crashed. Her car spun around and flipped over. Ymir was knocked out.

Within hours (Y/N) received a call. She was confused why Sasha was calling her. "Hey what's up?" she asked and sat down.

"Um (Y/N)... I need you to come to the hospital right now" she said.

(Y/N) noticed how frantic Sasha sounded. "Um.. why? What happened?" she asked and furrowed her brows.

"Ymir got into a bad accident" she replied.

Anxiety began to shoot through her. "I'm on my way!" she said and hung up.

(Y/N) grabbed her keys and rushed out of her house. Her heart was racing, and she was trying her best to drive as quickly as she could.

Within about 15 minutes she arrived to the hospital. "Over here!" Sasha called to her.

(Y/N) rushed over and saw Ymir in a hospital bed with tubes and machines next to her. "Oh my god" she said and began to feel tears welt in her eyes.

Sasha rubbed her back as she sobbed into her. "It's okay.." she whispered.

"Are you (Y/N)?" she turned around and saw a doctor standing there.

She wiped her eyes. "Y-Yes I am... how the hell did this happen? Is she gonna be okay?" she asked and looked at the doctor.

"Come with me.. we need to chat" he replied and ushered her to come with him.

(Y/N) followed the doctor to a private room. "What's going to happen? Please tell me she's going to be okay!" she pleaded.

The doctor sighed. "Ymir got into a very serious car accident. Her car flipped over, and she spun out. Her injuries are very very serious, she has broken ribs, and a very severe brain injury" he replied.

(Y/N) began to sob once again. "Is she going to be okay?" she asked.

He looked down. "Unfortunately, her brain injury is very severe. Her skull was severely damaged, and her brain is swelling. We put her into a coma to ease it, but her prognosis is not good. If Ymir doesn't wake up, we'll be forced to take her off life support" he replied.

The shock running through her body was tremendous. She couldn't believe she was hearing this, she began to cry hard, she never believed in a million years that she would be in a situation where Ymir could die.

"We'll have to monitor her brain activity. If things go well we'll keep her on life support, if not you have the option to take her off. She has no family we know of, so it's your responsibility" he explained.

(Y/N) couldn't believe she had the choice to do it. She felt like it was a huge responsibility, she didn't want to let her go, but what choice did she have? She had to make a decision no matter what.

As the days went on, (Y/N) was always at the hospital. Friends visited and gave good wishes to her, of course it wasn't much, but she very much appreciated the support from them. She was trying her best to remain positive in the situation.

Unfortunately, Ymir wasn't getting better.

"(Y/N), can we speak to you please?" Dr.Smith asked and nodded.

She stood up. "Yes" she replied and followed him to a private room.

He sighed. "We need to speak about Ymir's condition" he said and sat down.

She nodded. "Is she getting better? What's happened?" she asked.

Dr.Smith looked at her. "Unfortunately (Y/N), Ymir's condition hasn't improved. Her brain activity has dramatically dropped to about 2%, technically she is brain dead. I'm very sorry, but there is nothing else we can do for her. You have the choice to keep her on life support, but she will most likely never wake up" he explained.

(Y/N) couldn't believe what she just heard. She began to sob. She didn't want to believe what he was saying, but she had to. (Y/N) didn't want to let her go, but she had to, she didn't want her to suffer.

"I'll do it..." she said and wiped her cheeks.

Dr.Smith nodded. "Very well, you have a few minutes. You may go and speak to her" he said and patted her back.

She made her way back to Ymir's hospital bed. She sat down next to her and began to sob.

"Ymir... I don't know if you can hear me, but I wanted to say I'm so sorry for fighting with you that day. I should have trusted you" she said and held her hand.

(Y/N) squeezed her hand tightly. "I love you so so much... you mean everything to me. Thank you for all the memories" she added.

Dr.Smith entered the room with a few nurses. "Are you ready (Y/N)?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yes.." she replied and stood up.

The nurses came around and turned off the machine. The noise of the flatline surrounded in the room, and (Y/N) began to sob into Dr.Smith's arms.

The next two weeks were very very difficult. (Y/N) never sobbed more in her life, her friends came over to give their condolences. They tried their best to make her feel better, but nothing could help with the way she was feeling. Ymir had died from her injuries, and there was nothing else she could do.

The funeral was the hardest part. A lot of her friends came around, and joined to say goodbye. It was one of the hardest things she had to do, seeing Ymir in a casket was so hard for (Y/N) and it was too much.

As she stood over the casket being lowered, she felt tears slip out of her eyes. "We're here for you (Y/N)..." Eren said and patted her back.

She held a white rose in her hand. "Thank you Eren" she said and sniffed.

Everyone left to give her a moment by herself. "I love you Ymir.." she said and looked down at the dirt.

She placed the rose on the gravestone. "Goodbye my love... until we meet again" she said and stood up.

#anime #attack on titan #aot x y/n #aot x reader #aot fanfiction #aot imagines #snk x y/n #snk x reader #snk fanfiction #snk imagines #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin #ymir x reader #ymir aot #anime fanfic

[glitxhwayventeen]

Lonely Hearts Club

Seokmin: Chapter 1 (One More Light)

Characters: Seokmin x female reader

Genre/Warnings: multi-member au (different scenarios), werewolf au, fantasy, angst, potential blood mentions, genocide mentions, runaway mentions, emotional manipulation? (If you can call it that? Idk you decide), mental illness (depression implied), sexual mentions, mentions of death, mentions of violence. Any others will be put as warnings when future chapters are thought up/written.

Author’s Note: This story is gonna be a bit of a heart puller. Sorry. But for this chapter anyways, I recommend listening to One More Light by Linkin Park because it really goes well with this chapter.

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

Bold= Dialogue Italics= Thoughts

🥀

Lonely Hearts Club Master List

Chapter 1: One More Light

The way you moved was devastating. The way you laughed was harmonious. The way you smiled was infectious. The way you smelt was intoxicating. He’s been so giddy ever since you came through their doors. He finally found you.

His brothers had told him to wait and be patient, but who was he kidding, waiting was impossible for someone like him. He always had so much love to give. When he loved, he loved with all his heart. So it’s no surprise that he was already in love with his mate that he’d only known for a few days. He had told you he had imprinted on you the day after you woke up from your injury, three days ago. Your response was less than ideal, you simply let out an “okay” and walked the other way. He couldn’t lie, your reaction stung him a bit, he wanted you to be just as in love with him as he was with you.

You were really cold to him. Colder than you were with anyone else in the house. But he understood that that can happen sometimes and that it could take you some time to come to terms with having a mate. He was just hoping that time would speed up so he could reach his happily ever after sooner.

-

As you walked downstairs for dinner, you saw him sitting there again. Your eyes automatically went to him when he was in a room, you couldn’t stop it. No matter how hard you tried, your body’s natural reaction was to want to see him. He was already looking at you, before you had even made it fully down the stairs, with stars in his eyes. You couldn’t help but scoff under your breath.

Your stupid instincts once again had fucked you over. That’s what that new feeling you felt on the first day was, you had imprinted on a young wolf in Seungcheol’s pack. But You didn’t want a new mate. You didn’t NEED a new mate. You just wanted to be left alone. You just wanted to be left alone to die. But NOOOOO. They HAD to come and play heros and save you and keep you from seeing the end of a silver bullet. You understood that they were just trying to help, so you weren’t really upset with them, just more so sad that you had to continue with your shitty life.

While you were sitting down at the kitchen table eating, you could feel his eyes on you, watching your every move like you were some sort of goddess. The feeling had your skin tingling. You hated it. Because, now that you had a mate, you knew you could go into heat. You’ve never had that problem before, you weren’t mature enough back then to experience it. But you knew it could end up VERY bad if you weren’t careful now that you were able to go through it.

Being in the same room with him was getting harder and harder. It felt like the room was getting hotter and hotter. Like you were suffocating in his delicious aroma. You couldn’t keep this up. By tomorrow, you knew you’d want to hump his brains out. And you DEFINITELY didn’t want that to happen.

You couldn’t deal with it much longer, as you finished your last few bites of your dinner, a reeling hot flash hit you when your eyes met and he looked deep into your icy blue orbs. You were sweating and you felt like your every layer of skin was being peeled back to expose all your nerves. The slight breeze in the room was making things that much worse. Fuck. You HAD to get out of there before this shit got more out of hand.

You quickly got up from your chair and washed your plate in their sink. It startled quite a few of the pack members around you and their mates because no one else had done that just yet. The boys could… smell- that something was different about you. They didn’t know what exactly as they had never even been around or heard of a female wolf before, but they still knew SOMETHING was weird with you. They just couldn’t put their finger on it. Even so, they tried to continue their dinner as nonchalantly as possible as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

“Well SOMEBODY’S in a rush” joked Joshua, who had his mate all but sitting on his lap feeding her portions of her food.

“Yeah (Y/N). You good?” Mingyu asked in a similar manner, but you could see he was actually curious as to why you wanted to make a sudden exit from the table.

“Yeah. I- uh- I’m fine. I just need to head back to my den tonight. I’ve been away too long and I- um- I need to go make sure everything’s alright.” You stuttered while not looking at any of them and with quite a bit of hesitation. You were hoping none of them would question why you were so on edge and why you wanted to leave. But obviously with Seokmin there, your hopes had been smashed to pieces the second he spoke up.

“You’re leaving??? You can’t leave! I mean- I didn’t mean it like that but- I mean, you still aren’t healed properly. You could get hurt again!” The frantic words left his mouth as soon as you had finished your own sentence moments before.

You couldn’t leave him, he just found you. He HAD to make you stay somehow. He couldn’t just let you walk away without knowing whether or not you’d come back to him. His heart was beating out of his chest in panic, what was he gonna do if you left him??

“I’ll be fine. I’ve taken care of myself for a long time now. I appreciate you guys helping me out but-” you tried to brush off their worry, wanting to make a quick get away as soon as possible. But Seokmin stood up from his seat and hurriedly retorted your little speech.

“But nothing! You still have a hard time walking around without holding onto something. There’s no way you’re leaving in this state!” He gestured with his hands as he got closer to you.

God, did he have to smell so fucking good? You had to shake the thought off, you had to control yourself. You had one focus right now and that was to leave before you did irreversible damage.

“Who are you my father? I can leave if I want to!And i WANT to leave! I have other things I have to do and I won’t put them on hold any longer! I can’t!” You punctuated your sentence by throwing your hands in the air.

“Seokmin’s right (Y/N). You still aren’t doing your best. If you’re not careful, you could get yourself killed. It’s probably best you stay here at least for another few days.” Hansol tried as the pack’s resident doctor in an attempt to keep his brother from going crazy at the idea of losing his mate so soon.

They all really liked you, even if you weren’t… the warmest person towards their packmate. They all could see you were just putting on a brave face. They didn’t want you to go run off and get yourself in trouble without them backing you up.

“I can’t! I have important business to attend to this week. I can’t put it on hold just because I’m still not 100% better. I have to go” you say, standing your ground as best you could with Seokmin standing right in front of you with his stupidly warm glowing aura that made you wanna tackle him to the ground with kisses.

You just wanted to grab his beautiful face and let him take you right then and there from the way he was biting his lip while looking at you. The thought made you shiver. But you couldn’t give in to those thoughts. You WOULDN’T give in to those thoughts. You didn’t want a new mate. You didn’t want him, you had to keep reminding yourself. But You NEEDED to get out of there, for both your sakes.

Seokmin was in a panic. He couldn’t lose you. What if you never came back? What if you go hurt? What if you ran away? What if he never saw you again? He couldn’t risk losing you. He couldn’t. He looked to Seungcheol, who was sitting at the table stroking his mate’ thigh, for help.

“Okay how ‘bout this (Y/N), You go finish whatever business it is that you need to finish and a few of us will check up on you in a couple of days to make sure you’re alright? That’s fair right? Besides, you’ll definitely need another healing session or two before you’ll be able to defend yourself fully alone again” Seungcheol suggested.

He knew his brother didn’t want you to leave their house, but he also knew forcing you to stay was definitely not the right thing to do in this situation. He knew trying to leash you down would only make you resent them and more defiant. At least this way, they could still make sure you were alright and you’d get some independence. Everyone would win. Seokmin had a little whine emit from his chest at the thought of not seeing you for a while, causing Cheol to look to his brother’s depressed face. Well… everyone would win except Seokmin that is…

“Fine! If that’s what it’ll take for you guys to let me go, fine. But I NEED to leave and I need to leave like yesterday!” You repeatedly tapped your foot to the ground, almost waiting for some sort of reaction from them.

Hansol got up from his seat, “Okay. How about we make sure you get to your cave safely? That way we can make sure we know you got there okay and we’ll know how to find you later for your check up.”

“Fine. That’s fine, whatever. But I need to go now!” you declared while heading for the door, knowing full well you didn’t bring anything to their home but the clothes on your back.

You never really owned anything anyways. You had to move around and run so much that you never thought it a good idea to own too many material possessions.

“Better get going then.” Seokmin said semi-coldly, not really wanting you to leave, but also realizing that he didn’t get much of a say.

-

On your way to your den, it was decided that Hansol, Jeonghan, Jun, and Seokmin would accompany you on the journey. They wanted to be sure they had enough people that would know where you were staying so they had multiple people who could find you later. They wanted an Alpha to go with you to make sure the boys stayed in line, mostly Seokmin, so they had Jeonghan go. Jun went because you were more comfortable with him as you were both foreigners and kind of hit it off, making fast and perfect friends. Hansol went because he was the pack’s healer and he would more than likely be one of the ones to check on you later. And of course, Seokmin went because he wanted to spend every possible second he could with you.

It wasn’t that far, an hour or two’s walk in human form at best. But You wanted to just dash there in your wolf form so you could get there. It irritated you that you couldn’t already shift to a more familiar form that you were used to and felt more safe in. Though you knew the boys with you just wanted to protect you, so you made the slow walk to your little home next to the boys.

“Hey (Y/N). Can I ask a question?” Jun spoke out of no where next to you.

“I mean you can ask, doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily get an answer though.” You causally let out, stepping over a big rock in order to continue your way to your den. You didn’t mean it in a mean way, the boys all knew that, it was just your personality. You preferred to keep things short, blunt, and sarcastic, kinda the exact opposite of your mate’s style.

Jun bit his lip and played with his large thumbs before his voice echoed out again, “Well I mean, I could hear you talking in your sleep these last few nights, We all could. It sounded like you were having quite a few nightmares. Does-Does that happen a lot?” He questioned, trying his absolute best not to offend you in the process.

“Eh. Yeah I guess, it’s not that big a deal though. You get used to it after a while.” You answered, not really wanting to elaborate but also knowing he wasn’t asking in a malicious way, more so in an ‘are you good bro?’ type of way.

“Oh okay. Well then can I ask who- who Cyrus is…?” Jun quietly stuttered again while trying hard to not upset you.

As the boys kept their walk going, you stopped for a moment. It didn’t go unnoticed by them so they halted as well. Jun, worried he had pushed you, tried to lighten the mood some more.

“I’m sorry (Y/N). I didn’t want to dig too deep into your personal life or anything. I just-” Jun spoke before you cut him off swiftly.

“No! I mean- it’s alright. I’d want to know if I was you guys too. I just… I- I haven’t heard his name said aloud in a long time ‘s all.” You responded while looking down at your feet as they started up their pace again.

They began following behind you as you continued with your answer to the Chinese wolf’s previous question, “Cyrus is- Cyrus WAS my mate” you croaked, trying to keep the tears back. You were NOT about to have some people you barely knew see you cry. No, that was definitely NOT happening.

“You- You had another mate?” Hansol said without even realizing he had added the word ‘another’ in his question.

It was still a bit of a touchy subject for both you and Seokmin as you hadn’t really accepted or denied him yet. This earned Hansol a nudge from Jeonghan. Seokmin, who had been staying quiet for most of the journey, was listening and processing your statement attentively. His heart rate sped up, you had another mate? It hurt him to think about it. He wanted to be your only one.

“Yeah. I- I did” you muttered, putting the word ‘another’ out of your mind and focusing on the question at hand, “A long time ago. He’s- He’s gone now. When he died… that’s when my nightmares started- that’s WHY my nightmares started.” You added, almost having reached your cave.

“… How did he- How did he die?” Seokmin let his voice out for the first time since you guys had left the house, startling you a bit.

You again hesitated to respond. You weren’t against talking about it. You just weren’t sure you wanted them to know just yet. You weren’t sure if you were ready for Seokmin to know just yet. But you knew you’d have to tell them all eventually, especially if they kept bugging you about it. So you decided to just sit the dirty laundry out and let it fall wherever it was meant to.

“Jun, you’re Chinese right?” You quizzed, slightly confusing them at the sudden question. They assumed you were just trying to change the subject.

“Yeah... I’m from Shenzhen.” He added, still very curious as to where your random ass knowledge came from.

“… You- You know what Lingchi is?” You say continuing to walk on.

As everyone else still kept walking the way to your den, Jun stopped entirely. His heart dropping at the word that you had linked to Seokmin’s earlier question. That’s what happened to him? That’s what happened to your MATE? The others didn’t understand, they didn’t know Chinese as they were all Korean and really had no need to learn a language that wasn’t used a whole lot in Korea. They knew a few words here and there do to having lived with Junhui and Minghao for so long and having had another Chinese pack for friends, but they never needed to know THAT word. At least, not until now.

“… That’s- That’s how he died?” Jun spoke up and all of you turned around at his distant voice. You could see the tears brimming on the brink of his water lines. He was sad for you. He was sad for your lost mate. He was sad at your whole situation and your whole backstory.

You cleared your seemingly very dry throat, “Yeah,” You said in a small voice, trying your best to hide any emotions that hit you like a rock through a window.

It upset you that while you were even speaking on such a serious topic, you were about to start heat and you still felt it creeping up on you. You tried to shake the dirtier thoughts away and just decided to do your best to get through it in one piece. You really wished that Seokmin would’ve stayed back at the pack’s house. He was making everything sooo much harder for you. You wanted to be able to be upset, but how could you when your every instinct at the moment was telling you to jump his bones?

“(Y/N), I’m so sorry… I- I didn’t know… I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t have asked if I had known.” Jun shook his head to flick the tears back and brought his hand to your small shoulder in comfort, looking at you with almost pleading eyes.

You gave him a small smile and put you little hand on top of his larger one and gave it a small squeeze, “It’s alright. It was a long time ago.” You whispered out, gently brushing his limb from your body as you started walking again, clearly indicating that you were too emotional to keep talking about the subject anymore. The others just followed your movements wordlessly, not really understanding the gravity of the whole situation like their brother did, but knowing that whatever it was you were talking about couldn’t have been good.

-

It was a few more minutes until you reached the mountain opening you were searching for. You had walked in silence the rest of the way there, the evidence of your and Jun’s serious topic still lingering in the air. The others had other conversations they wanted to have, but knowing that you spoke of your last mates demise without actually having an idea of what happened to him made them reluctant to speak.

“Okay.” Hansol finally broke the ice, “We’ll be back to check in on you in a couple of days okay? If you need us, don’t hesitate to give us a howl! Someone’s home at all times. We’ll find you. So don’t run out on us got it?” He joked as he lightly pushed your shoulder as a symbol of affection.

You had taken a liking to Hansol almost immediately, he was a very calm and positive person, he felt like your natural brother already. He made you feel like you were such an outcast and tried to make you feel included. So you lightly pushed his shoulder back playfully.

“Okay okay. I’ll be here don’t worry! Just give me like five or six days to get some stuff done. Then you’ll be able to check on me” you stated as you gave him a big bear hug, though you kept it short so you wouldn’t get too much contact that would aggravate your heat any further.

You went on and hugged the other boys too in similar ways, discluding Seokmin as you were worried that, if you touched him, you’d completely lose it. So you simply just gave him a head nod and said your goodbyes verbally. It hurt him that you didn’t give him a hug goodbye too since it would be a while since he saw you next, he didn’t even know why you wanted to go back to your cave or why you refused to be near him recently. So he took the lack of contact a bit more to heart than you had meant for him to, but still, he said nothing. He didn’t want to agitate you or risk you potentially not coming back due to his actions or words.

-

As the boys left the cave, one sure question was on all three of the boys minds.

“Hey Jun” Seokmin caught his brother’s attention as they walked home and were finally far enough away from your den to where you couldn’t hear them anymore.

“Yeah?” He responded cooly while cruising back down the path home.

“What’s Lingchi?” Seokmin questioned. All three of the Korean boys turned to him as they waited for an answer. Junhui gulped in response.

He really had to explain one of the worst things he could think of to his brothers, one of them being your current mate who would no doubt be seriously disturbed by the sudden declaration of your old mate’s fate. Perfect.

“Lingchi- it… it usually means… Lingering Death. When talking about- well- said death, it means- it means Slow Slicing.” Jun let out as he looked on while shoving his hands in his pockets as he tried to act off his discomfort of the topic at hand.

“Slow Slicing?” Jeonghan questioned, also wanting some sort of explanation or further elaboration on what Jun was talking about.

“Yeah. It- It’s also known as- I think you’d guys call it… Death By A Thousand Cuts.” Jun slowly let his words simmer out, trying his best to not sound affected by the thought of that happening to someone he had known’s mate.

“Tha- THAT’S how he died???” Seokmin panicked, knowing full well how that must have affected you. His heart felt like it had just gained 100 pounds in a matter of seconds.

“Yeah. They usually used some kind of sword… and they kept cutting shallow slices into a person until they bled to death. It’s- Death By A Thousand Cuts- it’s really a terribly slow and horribly painful way to die.” Jun reiterated while kicking a rock close to his feet.

He wasn’t even sure if he should’ve told them to begin with, it wasn’t his mate that met that fate after all, but he also knew that if he were you he wouldn’t have wanted to be the one who explained it. So he took it upon himself hoping you wouldn’t hate him later.

“Fuck.” Jeonghan breathed loudly as he ran his hand through his hair, having finally have reached the house.

“That’s fucking awful” Hansol added.

It was awful. Your mate died in one of the worst ways possible. And, from how bad your nightmares sounded, he figured you must have seen at least some of it. He felt terrible for you. And he was mad at himself for being slightly jealous earlier at the mention of your old mates name now. No wonder you were so cut off from him. You were numb. You didn’t want to go through that again, and he couldn’t blame you. If he saw that happen to you, he’d jump off a cliff and end it all.

Still, he promised himself that night that he’d do everything he could to get you to see that he would stay with you always and that he’d keep you safe forever. He was determined to show you that you’d never have to go through that again. He just needed to figure out how to do that in like five days. No fucking biggie or anything. Little did he know that five days from now, your past mate couldn’t have been further from your mind…

Another Author’s Note: Hi guys! So I just want to put out there that I’m not Chinese, I’m Mexican. I think I used the word right but if I didn’t, PLEASE let me know. I asked one of my friends for help with it, but she only uses conversational Mandarin with her family and isn’t 100% fluent. Everything I’ve looked up says that it’s the right word to use in Mandarin for it and use of the language was kind of essential for this particular chapter as I needed the suspense of having the characters have to ask someone later what it meant. Again PLEASE let me know if it’s wrong or if there’s a better word for it! Hope you guys liked this chapter because the next one will be super fun😉

(Updated 9/8)

#seventeen #seventeen angst #seventeen au #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fluff #seventeen smut #svt au #seventeen x reader #seokmin imagines #svt seokmin #dokyeom #svt dk

[yikesharringrove]

oh god okay feel free to ignore this if you want, idk? but um ive been really struggling with eating lately (like i just kinda panicked about the thought of eating?) and you're really good at writing all this kind of stuff so maybe billy struggling with eating after starcourt (for medical and mental reasons) and steve helping but still bring gentle and encouraging (totally okay if this is a sensitive for you or if you don't want to write it 💕)

This is pretty heavy.

Under the cut for medical stuff, disordered eating, talks of throw up (nothing graphic), me projecting.

The first bit under the cut is my medical story, so skip that if you would like.

Read on Ao3

-

So, oof. A little background. I spent three years misdiagnosed when I was young. I was so sick and in so much pain (one of my organs had literally died) that I couldn’t eat. If I did, I was in such severe pain I would throw up. I was 5 feet tall and weighed 62 pounds. If I had lost 2 pounds, I would’ve had an intestinal feeding tube. The doctors thought I just had an eating disorder from doing ballet. They would look at my chart, see another chronic illness I have, and blame my pain on that. They found what was wrong BY ACCIDENT and fixed it within a few hours in one (1) surgery.

So this is based largely on that.

-

He pushed the mashed potatoes around the plate.

“I thought hospital food was supposed to be like, bad. This is pretty alright.” Steve had wolfed down the plate he had gotten himself, not paying much attention to how the plate he had brought Billy was still full.

“Yeah. It’s okay.” He had taken one bite.

He felt fucking sick.

The thought of food, of something in his sore stomach, made him want to hurl.

“You’re not eating?” Steve’s eyebrows were scrunched up, concerned.

“Don’t feel too good.”

“Would something sound better? I could get you whatever you wanted.”

“Um, just like a ginger ale or something. Then I’ll try eating again.” That was his go-to. Ginger ale or Sprite, the carbonation helped his stomach enough that he could force some food down for a while.

Steve got him a few cans from the vending machine.

He ended up taking three bites of potato.

-

Steve made dinner when he finally got to come home.

They had decided he would move in with Steve, “live” in the bedroom across the hall, but they both knew he would be spending the most time in Steve’s room.

He had just made buttered noddles, nothing that would be hard on Billy’s weak stomach, but he had made the noodles from scratch.

And Billy was just staring at them.

“You feeling okay?”

“Just, uh, you know. Stomach’s kinda off.” Steve got him a can of ginger ale from the fridge, slid it to him with a bright smile.

The gesture was sweet, but Billy just didn’t want to risk it.

Every night he spent heaving into the toilet, it made his muscles seize and hurt. It made his throat burn for hours, made him feel like he was wasting away to nothing.

-

He always used the same hole on his belts.

He knew it was the right one from the way the leather was stretched a bit, the buckle leaving indents on it.

But that was too big now.

Did nothing to hold up his pants.

His pants that used to fit.

He tightened his belt.

Two notches. He was two notches thinner.

-

Billy could hear the blender when he woke up.

He was curious as to what Steve was doing, what the fuck he was blending up.

He came downstairs, found Steve with grocery bags all around the kitchen.

“Hey! I’ve been doing some research.” He poured the thick smoothie into a blender. “I think this might be easier for you to eat and keep down. There’s protein powder and some ginger, that should help keep your stomach calm, and spinach and some fruit and stuff.” Steve was fidgeting with his hands.

“Thank you.” Billy sat down with it.

Steve let him take his time, let him drink it in tiny sips.

He was about halfway through when he threw it all up.

-

Billy hadn’t eaten in two days.

But he also hadn’t thrown up in just as long.

Steve poked a plate of plain toast towards him.

Billy stared at it.

Steve sighed.

“Will you just, take one bite? For me?”

He took the smallest bite he possibly could.

Steve let him wait ten minutes before he pushed the toast back towards him.

They continued that until Billy finished the toast, waiting a while between each bite in order to make sure it wasn’t on it’s way back up.

He kept it down almost the whole night, until the pain in his stomach flared again and he was heaving into the large mixing bowl Steve kept next to the bed.

-

Billy was laying on the bed, curled into himself, clutching his stomach.

Steve had been behind him almost all day, rubbing his back, talking in a low soothing voice.

He left when there was a pounding on the door. He left the door open, Billy could hear Max’s voice.

“Jesus, Max. You’re a mess.”

“It’s, it’s raining. And I fell.”

“Why were you skateboarding in the rain?”

“I um, I remembered, whenever Billy felt sick, he liked eating lime popcicles, and I went to Melvald’s, and I got some.”

She sounded hysterical.

“Alright, thank you, Max. Thank you. Let’s get you cleaned up.” He heard them coming up the stairs, going into the bathroom on the landing he kept the first aid kit in.

They were in there for a while before Steve came in, talking in that soft voice he always uses.

“Billy, Max is here.”

It felt like a feat for him to roll over.

Her knees were bandaged up, and her face was splotchy.

“Hey, Shitbird.”

“You look like shit.” He huffed a laugh.”

“Feel like it, too.” Her lip trembled. He didn’t want that. “Hey, thanks for the popcicles. Can I get one? Lime, right?”

“Yeah. Lime.” Steve helped him sit up, gave him one of the popcicles.

It tasted good, and the cold was nice on his throat.

And he even kept the whole thing down.

-

Steve was standing next to Billy as they waited for the doctor.

He had lost nearly thirty pounds since he’d been home. His muscle was nearly entirely gone.

“Steve, just, play it cool.”

“I will not.” He had his pissed off mom face on, and Billy knew he had no qualms about yelling at a doctor.

“Steve, this is just, my life now.”

“No. I refuse to accept that.”

“You yell at Owens every time we’ve come in for the past four months, Steve.”

“And I’m gonna keep yelling until shit gets fixed.”

There was a rap on the door before Dr. Owens let himself in.

“You need to help him.” Billy huffed as Steve started in immediately.

“Um, good morning to you both.” Dr. Owens looked between the two of them.

“Billy can’t eat without throwing up. Look at him. He’s fucking wasting away.”

“Steve-”

“No. I can’t take it anymore. There is something fucking wrong. It is your job to fix it.”

Owens’ eyes were wide, Steve was on a roll.

“Every day, every day he can’t eat anything. He won’t because he’s in pain, and he’d rather not eat than throw everything up. And you need to help him.”

Owens was quiet.

“Let’s run some tests.”

-

Billy was in imaging within a few minutes. He had an x-ray done of his abdomen, and Owens ordered several blood tests.

They were in another room, Billy was having an ultrasound done of his entire stomach.

The tech was looking at his intestines, finding everything normal.

“Look, you’re already doing all this, can’t you just kinda, poke around?”

“I’m not sure-”

“Just kinda,” Steve made a vague wiggling gesture around Billy’s stomach.

She gave him a look.

But she sighed, moving the wand up his body.

“Huh?”

“Wait, what’s huh?”

“Um, excuse me.” She left in a hurry.

“Wait, you think they found something?” Billy’s eyes were side.

“If they did, and I was right, you’re never gonna hear the end of it.” Billy rolled his eyes.

The tech returned with an older woman, pointing at the screen and discussing in low voices.

And then the doctor was leaving again, and the tech was wiping his stomach.

“So, we’re going to prep an operation room. We’re going to have you in there as soon as we can.”

“Wait, what?”

“His gallbladder is infected.” Steve was fucking grinning when he turned back to Billy.

“So, I was right?”

“Steve, read the room. Surgery.”

“Oh, fuck.”

-

Steve was biting his nails.

The chairs in the waiting room were stiff and uncomfortable.

They were given the run down. Billy’s gallbladder had become infected. Probably due to the traumatic situation of his injuries and the many surgeries it took to put him back together.

It was almost completely dead inside his body, causing severe pain and all the vomiting. The doctor had explained that his rapid weight loss had probably only hurt it more.

They said it would take about two hours to remove.

Steve had been staring at the large clock as the two hours clicked by.

It was creeping up on two and a half, and he was getting fucking antsy.

He scrambled to his feet when a nurse called him back.

“You family?”

“Yeah, I’m his brother.” It was easier to lie. He needed to see him.

“He should be waking up very soon. It’s easier if there’s family. His surgery went well, the surgeons were able to remove his gallbladder with no other complications. He may be in pain and delirious when he wakes up, put that will pass, and we can give him more medicine if he needs.” They had stopped in front of a nondescript door.

Steve let himself in, taking the seat closest to Billy’s bed, taking his hand. His eyes were already blinking slowly. He smiled softly when he saw Steve.

“Pretty,” his voice was soft.

“Hey, Baby. I’m right here for you.”

“Thanks for, thanks for fightin’.” Steve smiled back at him, running a hand through his hair.

“Of course, Bill. I’ll always fight for you.”

“Love you.”

“I love you, too.” Billy smiled again. “You feelin’ okay? Need more meds?”

“Nah. Feelin’ good. Feelin’ high.”

“Yeah, they gave you the good drugs.”

“Good drugs.” He laid back in the pillow, his eyelids looking heavy.

“Go to sleep if you’re tired, Bill.”

“Don’t wanna. Wanna see you.”

“I’ll be here when you wake up again.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” Steve kissed his hand.

#i was literally so skinny the doctor found out i had slight scoliosis just by me like standing there #yikes writes #tw disordered eating #tw eating #tw eating disorder #tw medical anorexia #tw throw up #tw vomit #steve harrington #billy hargrove #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #harringrove #harringrove fic #harringrove ficlet #harringrove drabble

[friiday-thirteenth]

guys im bored hear abt how i broke my arm. TW for broken bones, dissassociation, vomiting, drugs and needles. Also this is like. Therapy. Idk.

weird thing about it was that i was feeling intense happiness, because I’d just confirmed my classes for the next year and i was jsut. Really happy.

So i did this little twirly thing??? idk. Anyway, my ankle went out under my, i put my hand back and crack.

I know there was a definite seperation between the before and after of this. Like, the adrenaline made it feel like I was aware of everything.

After I fell, and after the crack, I stood up fast. I didn’t realise my wrist was fucked until I saw it - and it wasn’t a compound fracture, the skin was still unbroken. But it looked fucking nasty. It was supposed to be held straight, but the wrist was shifted.... up. And it was floppy, but I could control it if I wanted to be in immense amounts of pain.

I started walking over to my P.E. teacher. I said his name once, really loudly - and then he didn’t hear me, so I kept walking. I was cradling my wrist against my body at this point, and I just needed to move. It helped distract from my pain at that point.

When I reached him and he saw my wrist he was like fuck. He didn’t say it, but I could see it, and he said, “ Okay, we need to get you to the sickbay and call your parents.”

Okay, this happened before that when I was walking over. One of the people who was around me had walked beside me and was asking questions, and I straight up said, “Ruby, if you don’t walk away right now, I will either scream or burst into tears and scream, please go away.” I couldn’t handle anyone being near me.

Then when we were walking off the turf (where we were doing P.E. that day, as opposed to the gym.) one of the guys saw my arm and was like holy shit and I’m 99% sure I just looked at him with a really worried look. My face was going white I’m pretty sure, which is weird because I’m naturally flushed quite a lot of the time.

We had to walk up stairs. That fucking sucked. The pain was fine whenever it wasn’t jolting me, and we were walking fast, so you can imagine how I was trying to be very careful.

I’m 99% sure I was terrified that I was going to tip over again, and that would’ve hurt. I was just focusing on staying on my feet.

We got to the office/sickbay and they sat me down. I made myself get my retainer out of my mouth because it was.... foreign. I was going to - I’d say have a panic attack, but I’m not sure that’s the correct name for it - do something bad if I kept it in, because there was something already wrong with me and I just couldn’t handle it.

Also I asked if I could swear. Like, “Um, would it be okay if I, uh, swore?” and the person in there with me looked at me like wtf child and said i could.

Later, one of the teachers who’d walked by told me that they had no idea I had that filthy a mouth on me. Swearing helped a lot.

They made me put my wrist in this makeshift sling thing, which made me want to fucking cry. They sent someone to get my bag, and I told them to leave as soon as they’d gotten it, because I couldn’t handle any of my peers seeing my like that. probably because I felt extremely vulnerable.

I never swore at anyone. I can remember not wanting to, because I didn’t feel that they deserved it? Like, I didn’t want to take my pain out on them. Very strange.

They didn’t give me any panadol or nuramol or nurofen (pretty sure that isn’t how you spell it but eh). I can remember that, because they said that it might react badly to whatever drugs they gave me in the hospital.

When my mum got there, we went over to the car and I put my seatbelt on myself bc im independant like that, before I rolled my head back and scream-said to my mother to hurry up please I feel like I’m dying. Because she was talking to my teacher.

At that point I was being a melodramatic shit, because my pain level I think? was a four, unless I moved my arm, then it jolted into a six.

Anyway. I sung/murmured hamilton songs really fast as we drove the like, five minutes to the hospital because that helped distract me from the pain.

When we got to the hospital and the emergency room, we ended up waiting like 20 minutes which were all hell. My dad came at one point and I told mum he needed to leave because I couldn’t handle having him there. Not for any bad reasons, just that I fucking hated dealing with people and if I had to deal with him I’d cry.

I didn’t cry at any point during this, which was weird. I didn’t like that.

Someone gave me two panadol or something, which didn’t help in the least. They got mum to fill out an acc form - I can remember her asking me things. The pain was bad, like a constant throbbing that was there. I’m pretty sure I started not being there at some point during the time I was waiting. It was easier than dealing with it all, because there were people staring at me and my arm and I wanted to scream at them because none of them were as bad as me and why the fuck are you staring at me.

Anyway. When the nurse came - she was really nice - she got me into a room and to sit on a bed, and then we waited for what was maybe half an hour? There was an old guy dying or nearly dying in the room beside mine and I felt like.... weird because of it. It didn’t feel right, that he was dying.

When they got me a doctor - after me scaring the shit out of a nurse who I thought was a doctor  (i still cringe at the memory) - he ws really nice. He was wearing a haiwaiian shirt and was supposed to be going home, and I was quite lucky that they’d caught him as he was leaving.

They got me on some nitrous oxide to calm me down, or to take the pain away.

Now here’s where thigns get a little less linear, I think.

I can’t remember when they put the I.V. in, whether it was before or after the x-ray. The x-ray was hell, because they made me put my munted arm flat on the cold surface of whatever the fuck they were using for the xray. I had dropped the nitrous oxide tube thingy out of my mouth at that point.

The nitrous oxide was nice. It made me feel tired, and when the dude stuck the needle in my arm and then put the I.V. in, I didn’t care about it. I hadn’t been worried before, perse, just uncomfortable because of the whole broken wrist dealie.

Anyway. X-rays. They said I’d broken the tip off my radius. Then the I.V. Then they got an anathesiologist to come in and explain what was going to happen to me.

This whole time they’d explain exactly what they were going to do, because I asked. A lot. I needed to know what was happening so that then I would know what was going on and that was jus tme reiterating what I’d just said ahaha

Anyway. He explained the options, and in the end they decided to give me ketamine.

For those who don’t know, ketamine is a horse tranquilizer. Its also fucking nasty, coming back up from it.

Mum signed a waiver stating that the hospital wasn’t responsible if I died or something.

This was because, as they explained, ketamine shuts off a part of the brain. If too much of it is used, then you die because it shuts off your breathing, your heart, etc. They had shit that would stop that, if anything bad happened. They put electrodes on me at one point. At least, I think that’s what they were called.

They also might’ve upped the dosage, because what could’ve happened was that they fucked up setting my arm the first time, and they had to cut it out and redo it. If they’d redone it, I’d’ve had to go into theatre.

The whole time this was happening I was terrified I was going to out myself to my mum. I have an odd track record of saying weird shit randomly while I’m in pain.

Ketamine also takes you into a dreamland, which is why drug addicts can get addicted. You basically lucid dream, but way more intensely than normal, if you’ve ever ahd a lucid dream. Or it can take you into an absolutely hellish nightmare scape, if you aren’t thinking good things when you go under.

I had neither. I didn’t even know I’d gone under. What happpened was that they put the ketamine in the I.V., and a minute late I was out.

It felt like blinking. When I opened my eyes, it was like in movies where they blink and its a new scene each time.

Blink. They were moving me to the x-ray. My head ached. My eyes wouldn’t focus. Someone was talking about their car.

Blink. They were moving my arm.

Blink. They were moving me back to the room I’d been in.

Every time I moved my head, it just. It was on another side. I couldn’t focus my eyes for three quarters of an hour. I felt tired, and sleepy, and like shit.

Thye got me to sit up at one point. I nearly vomited. They gave me a pill. It was chalky and the taste was nasty.

When they got me to move from the bed to a chair, I vomited.

I hadn’t eaten for longer than six hours, at that point. It was bile coming up. It burnt my throat. I couldn’t stop.

When I forced myself to breathe again and stop vomiting, they gave me water and left me for a minute. They had people they needed to get in the room, I think, so I was trying to move. They got me into a chair in a bit that was in between the x-ray room and where I’d been. Mum talked with someone else who was there with her daughter.

The cast was big and white, because of the type of break. It was heavy and they put me in a sling when I left. I was able to walk straight. They’d been concerned I wouldn’t be. I’m pretty sure I thanked everyone who’d helped, if I saw them.

Mum took me to get subway. Then we went home.

My sibling had broken their arm around about a year and two weeks before I’d broken mine. Their’s had been the two bones in their lower arm. They’d had to go into theatre for it and have trauma around it. My parents won’t get them to go to therapy and they won’t go willingly

When I got home, they had a panic attack or some shit and started screaming at me when I was short at them. Fuck them for that.

I went into a room and started messaging my friends. i videocalled them and showed them my arm. i was acting all stupid and weird about it by being really silly and stuff. I didn’t feel like any of it was happening, even though I knew it was. At some point I found out I had the electrode thingies still on me. I pulled them off.

People were so concerned about me, it was weird. I ended up responding to them individually as opposed to not. Someone thought that it was a joke and that everyone was lying about it. I gave them a play-by-play and they believed it then.

Even weeks after it happened, it still felt vaguely not real. The first time I cried about it was seven days after, when I tried and failed to make homemade macaroni and cheese.

I learnt that the chunk of bone beside the wrist - the one down at the top of the ulna - had completely seperated from the rest of the bone.

All the wrist bones and muscles had pulled back, which was my wrist had been so weird.

Everyone who helped me was really nice. I’m glad that they were nice, because I got told later about doctors who were bitches and were in the emergency department. Also got told that ketamine was really fucking weird for them to be giving me.

I got prescribed Tramadol. Mum and dad wouldn’t let me take any of it. my sibling had been prescribed it when they’d broken their arm. they’d taken it. Apparently tramadol can put you in a depressive state.

i don’t know what would’ve happened to me if I’d taken it at that point. even before the arm my head was in a bad place. I’m better now though.

I pushed through the pain on panadol.

I broke my arm on a friday. saturday, sunday, I spent at home. Monday I went to school. Felt like passing out at some point.

Yeah, that’s basically what happened when I broke my arm

#i needed to type it out idk why #rant #this wasn't traumatic but it was #idk man #this happened last year and i just. My left wrist is now still the crunchiest part fo my body.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #396

“every time i leave, you say you won’t be there, & you’re always there”

So, is it gif with a hard G or soft G? I used to say "jif," but now I pronounce it as "gif." If you use libraries, what is the largest overdue fine you’ve ever had? *shrug* Do you ever borrow things other than books from the library? I remember back in the day, they used to offer educational computer games, and I bought a dinosaur one as a kid that I was madly obsessed with. Are there still any movie rental places left where you live? Just Redbox things outside of some stores. Do you ever buy secondhand books (or DVDs, video games, CDs)? Yeah; Ebay is my friend. Or do you prefer them to be brand new? I mean yeah, but it's not a massive deal to me so long the thing is operational or not falling apart. Do you ever write fanfic? Of what? Nah. Do you ever READ fanfic? Of what? Also nah. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. Have you ever had multicolored/rainbow hair? No, but I would LOVE to. What kind of hats, if any, do you like to wear? I don't wear hats. What is your #1 deal-breaker with friendships? If you're manipulative, byyyyyeeeee~ Who is your favorite character on Bob’s Burgers and why? (If you watch it) I've seen some episodes, but I don't actually watch it. Have you ever had a retro celebrity crush? Like a crush on an “old” celebrity who was most famous a long time ago or is long dead? Audrey Hepburn, for one, is drop-dead GORGEOUS. When you buy/receive new clothes, do you instantly wear them or wash first? It depends on what I bought and where it's from. What’s the weirdest item you’ve seen for sale on Ebay? Idk. Are parents to blame for what their kids do on the Internet? No; kids make their own choices. I do, however, believe the parents should monitor what they do until they reach a certain degree of maturity, as well as the child's history with what they've done on the Internet. Do you use acronyms to remember things? Sometimes. Do you take pills like Tylenol for the littlest aches and pains? No. Only if I'm really in pain will I take Ibuprofen/Advil. Don’t you think Crocs are ugly? Big time. I don't know why they're in vogue now when they used to be so widely hated. When was the last time you went roller skating? Oh, it's been years. Who was your favorite Ninja Turtle? I was never into the franchise. Horror flicks make you: laugh, scream, or squirm? I prefer the ones that make you uneasy. I'm not a big fan of the nasty ones, and I want to feel on edge when I'm watching a horror film, but it's EXTREMELY rare I become legitimately scared. If you could become a doctor, what would you specialize in? Uhhhh. Maybe genetic disorders. What’s the cutest thing a little kid has ever said to/in front of you? I'm sure it was something my niece or nephew said, but I'm unsure of what. They've said many adorable things. Did any characters from TV shows scare you as a kid? Which one(s)? FUCKING KING RAMSES FROM COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG. FUCK he gave me nightmares. What’s the saddest thing you’ve heard on the news recently? I was very saddened to hear about the giraffe that died giving birth. Do you believe that acupuncture works? I'm not educated enough on this subject. Have you ever been hypnotized? No, and I don't believe it's possible to be. What’s the first food you can smell when you enter the mall? The soft pretzels, omg. That little stand is my favorite part of our local mall. They make DELICIOUS pretzels. What is the worst hurt you’ve ever experienced? Jason leaving. Are huge muscles gross or sexy? Like serious body builders, it's gross to me. I prefer a natural musculature. Have you ever fished and caught something weird? I know I have, but what isn't coming to mind. Do you use an umbrella when it rains? Unless it is absolutely pouring, no. Do you like getting caught in the rain? No. What is the hardest part of cleaning for you? It requires physical exertion and I am INCREDIBLY weak with non-existent stamina. Do you have any fake flowers in your room? No. Do you own any succulents? No. What is your favorite thing about spring? The only thing I like about spring are all the flowers. What is something you find hard to draw? HANDS. UGH. Was it sunny for your senior prom pictures? Sigh. It was a beautiful sunset. I REALLY wish I didn't delete all those pictures from existence. Have you ever seen a double rainbow? I've seen like, a triple rainbow. What’s one thing you want to learn how to make? Your ordinary meals. I really want to be able to cook my own food from scratch. Do you have stomach issues? Maybe TMI, but it's been questioned but not fully examined that I may have IBS. My stomach is very sensitive. When was the last time you apologized and didn’t mean it? I'm not sure. Do you prefer to be the “talker” or the “listener” in a conversation? The listener. What’s a movie that you think everyone should see? Johnny Got His Gun. If you could have any hair color, what color would you want? Either pastel pink or light creamsicle orange. When was the last time you saw your “first love”? February of 2017. Who’s the smartest person you know personally? My best guy friend Girt. What makes them so smart? He's just very intelligent. Book-smart. Are there any bands/artists that get you all emotional? Ozzy. He and his music are so important to me. What’s your favourite aunt or uncle’s first name? Robert. Have you ever done a first aid course? No. What time do you generally wake up in the morning? It varies from like, 6:00-8:30ish. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Definitely shapeshifting. I'd love to be a druid, man. Do you ever make surveys? If so, are they long or short? No, but I combine them because I don't like surveys that are too short by my standards. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? Honestly, probably never. I love my current hairstyle, but I most certainly plan on dyeing it maaaany more times. As a child, what was your favorite game to play? I was hooked on the first three Spyro games. I would play 'em over and over. Do any of your siblings have significant others? Do you like them? My older sister is married, and I am NOT a fan of her husband. He's WAY too conservative and bigoted and racist and misogynistic, etc. etc. He's wonderful as a dad, like holy shit he loves his kids, but his beliefs are abhorrent. Dad's daughter is also married, and her husband is awesome. Mom's eldest daughter is also married, and her husband seems cool. My brother has a fiancee that I've never met. Do you believe in the concept of global warming? No fucking shit I do. It's impossible to logically deny, especially as the years go on. When was the last time you took a picture of something? Was it yourself? I took some pictures of this beautiful hydrangea bush outside the TMS office a few days ago. When drinking soda, do you prefer bottles or cans or poured in a glass? Cans, because it stays colder. Do you wear deodorant? Um, yes? If you had a pet pig, what would you name it? Probably something very unoriginal, like Wilbur. Do you like Led Zeppelin? I LOVE "Kashmir." "Stairway to Heaven" was madly important to me, but yeah... I can't listen to it anymore. Like seriously, I haven't in years. Do you like hugs? I do. Have you read the Constitution of the United States of America? Only the Bill of Rights for school. Do you have your own computer or use a family one? I have my own laptop. Do you take out the trash? Sometimes. Is there a calendar in the room you’re in? Outdated meerkat ones. What is your best friend’s name? Sara Jane. :') Have you ever seen a real-life cop chase? Maybe? What is your favorite shape? Circles. Are pigs adorable or dirty? They're precious! And pigs are actually a lot cleaner than people think, if they're not muddy. Anything moldy in your house? Not to my knowledge. Our old house had a serious mold problem, though, which is the primary reason we had to move. Especially with Mom having cancer at the time, she needed to be in the most sterile environment possible. Have you ever been in an earthquake? No. Do you enjoy history? No. Are you watching TV right now? No, but rather GameGrumps on YT. Could you ever be a mortician? True shit, it actually doesn't seem THAT bad. Can you solve a Rubik’s cube? Never seriously tried. How many pets do you have? Just two right now. Are you more close with your mom or dad? My mom. Who is the person that has impacted your life the most? Jason. Or Mom. Have you ever had a pet fish? Yeah. Poor things, they had terrible husbandry. I've learned a hell of a lot from a YouTuber/streamer that is like obsessed with fish about just how misinformed people are on how to take care of various fish. Your goldfish in that little bowl died for a reason, you know. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Do you prefer tea or coffee? Both suck. Have you ever vaped? No. How did your parents meet? They were co-workers. What was your first word? "Dada." Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? ... I mighta lmao. When was the last time you had Nutella? A long time ago. It reeeeaaaally needs to stay out of my house, because I will eat it straight out of the jar. Name someone with a sexy sounding voice. So I don't know where this was, but Mark was once credited in something as "if chocolate had a voice" and I was like YOU FUCKIN BET YOUR SWEET ASS.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''jet city woman'' by queensryche

[thewritingstar]

desperate hugging with the greens

Um I....Im sorry but this kinda got sad but desperate hugging calls for desperate situations.......enjoy? idk if you can though.....

warnings: character death...sorta 

also they dont have powers

----

Beep Beep Beep

The sound of the heart monitor echoed in her ears as she escorted herself out of the hospital room. It was too white and dim all at the same time as the only color was the fiery red of her older sisters hair.

She wrapped her arms around herself trying to provide any comfort but it didn’t work. She knew Blossom would be okay, she had to be. That was the only option as had left. 

The thought of her standing over a casket as its lowered to the ground haunted her, she wasn’t sure she could take it. The expressionless face as her skin turned grey from the loss of life left a gruesome imagine in her mind as she took a seat on a chair. 

The doctors said she was alright. Besides minor blood loss, she should be okay. She had forgotten what they had said afterwards, she couldn’t think clearly anymore. 

It happens too fast for her to tell. All she remembers was driving and a classic summer pop song filling the cars radio as they sang along. She was the one driving as Blossom was in the passenger seat. Behind them the sunset had begun to fade as the lights of the city came into view. 

It was a sister beach day and she remembers the look on Blossoms face when she told her the news. Tears pinched her skin as she hugged her sister close and even she had shed a few tears. She had been so happy and she was convinced that there was nothing that could ruin their moment. 

The light had turned green and her foot was on the gas. Blossom had said something about a new dress and bow but instead she let out a ear piercing scream. She felt the impact instantly. 

The other car speeding through the red light had hit them from the back seats and the car had spun and she felt her body smash against the steering wheel as the air bags inflated. 

There was so much pain as her head snapped back and when the world stopped spinning she reached over for her sister, shaking her shoulder as she felt blood in too many places. 

“B-blossom.” She screamed out but she wasn’t even sure if she had made a sound as she felt her body being taken out of the car and the world turned blurry and black. 

Her eyes were blank as she stared at the door.

“Buttercup?” The voice brought her out of her trance as she looked up. 

Blossom’s fiancee Brick stood with a bundle of flowers that he had been gripping way to tight and she was engulfed into a hug. “They said she’ll be okay.” She whispered to him but the look in his eyes said otherwise. 

The nurse brought him in and the door shut, the hallway becoming cold. She felt herself being pulled into a familiar pair of arms. The scent of pine provided instant comfort as she wrapped her arms around him. 

“I tried to get here as soon as possible but they only called today.” He kissed her temple but her usual smile wasn’t there. “Do you know how much longer you’ll be here?”

Her voice was horse as his hands came down to rub at her arms. “I should be okay for tomorrow.” She looked at her feet and sniffled. 

He could see the dread over come her body and she didn’t even hear him ask the nurse something as he took her hands and lead her out the back doors. In the back of the hospital was a small garden. A few picnic benches and a hedge maze brought some color to the bleakness of the building. 

She was thankful that her boyfriend could sense she was getting antsy inside. They didn’t say anything as they walk and she was thankful that it was just them as they sat at a picnic table. She wasn’t one to show her emotions easily but the trauma she endured was weighing heavily on her.

Buttercup sat on the top of a picnic table with Butch standing between her legs. She hated the grimy feeling of her hair and desperately wanted to have water run over her soon but right now all she wanted to do was be held by her boyfriend. 

Her eyes were on his chest, not daring to meet his eyes as he continued to brush the side bangs to the side. He was patient and silent, waiting for her to make the move, that’s what she loved so much about him. Nothing was rushed or fast pace, they could go as slow as they needed and savor all the moments.

But sometimes she wished moments would happen fast then be forgotten. 

Her lip was quivering as she rubbed the tips of her fingers together, nervousness setting in and he instantly saw the tears slip gently down. 

“Buttercup.” He whispered and she felt all her strength collapse. 

Her lip quivered before she threw her arms around his shoulders and buried her face into his chest. His hands wrapped around her body instantly and he kissed her head as she desperately hugged him. 

Her arms tighten, afraid that if she let go, he would be gone. The flashback of the car and all she could see was the heartbreak on his face and the destruction in his eyes. It was becoming all to much. 

“It was all my fault” Her voice was cracked as she sobbed and he dug his fingers through her matted hair.

“Don’t you ever say that. It was not your fault.” He tried to reason with her. She want to believe so badly. She wanted to know for sure but maybe if she had checked, no the light was green. It was green!

“I-I can’t lose her Butch.” 

“You’re not going to.” He pulled away and cupped her face with his hands. His own eyes were filled with tears and her hands rested on his wrists as she stared at him. “Shes going to okay. Okay?” 

Her head slowly shook as she blinked away the tears and his thumbs circled her swelled cheeks. 

“I was so worried.” He whispered as his forehead rested against hers. “When they called, Buttercup I didn’t know what to do. But I had to tell myself you were okay and look you are but, fuck-I’ve never been that scared in my life. Buttercup, I can’t even imagine what i would do without you. I love you so much.” 

“I lost her.” She cried into his chest again. 

“No, Blossom is okay. Shes in good hands-”

Her voice was muffled by his shirt as she whispered. His hands were back rubbing her back and kissing the top of her head. She said it again but he couldn’t make it out. 

“I’m sorry.” She crocked out and this time her face was red and broken. There was desperation written across and he had never seen her look this...lost. 

Her face was puffy and her eyes flickers back and forth to his. Her body was ice cold and he tried to make her understand. 

“Baby its not your fault, the crash wasn’t your fault. Blossom is okay. Love, you are okay.”

“They told me I lost-”

“Lost?” 

“I-” His eyes traveled to where her hands were resting. 

lost?

lost?

oh.

Oh.

OH.

His eyes widened as she couldn’t bare to finish the sentence. He gently took her hands in his. “Hey.” His voice was soft and he picked her head up gently with his hand. “Buttercup.”

“I lost our baby. You didn’t even know.” Tears fell faster and harder and she felt like she couldn’t breath. “I am so sor-”

“Do not apologize.” He begged her. His eyes were wide. “Buttercup I could never blame you for something out of your control.”

She wiped her cheek. “They told me I wouldn’t be able to have kids again.”

He felt his heart shatter. They had talked about kids for so long. The thought of them taking their bundle of joy to their first sports game and teaching them how to read and write. The giggles and laughter they would share as they fell into a domestic bliss that they desperately craved. 

She had found out a week ago. The feeling of pure joy as the two small line appeared was something she couldn’t describe. The newest chapter of her life was about to begin and she was ready. 

And then there was Blossom. Her older sister had wanted a baby but unfortunately couldn’t have one so when she learned she was going to be an auntie, she cried tears of joy. Matching bows and cute little dresses were what she talked about during their beach trip. Their little sister Bubbles was on the phone back home with their father and they were just as excited. 

She could see it now. Getting home and running towards Butch. Throwing herself into his arms and kissing him senseless as she shared the news. She could see his face confused then morphed into pure glee. He would shed a tear and she would laugh and then they would celebrate with cake and a movie. 

The next few months would be her complaining about cravings and him adoring every moment of his girlfriend and quickly propose to prove he was there for her. She could see their life as if it were a movie. 

And now it was over. 

He held her close to his chest. The unbearable weight of the situation riding on them. He couldn’t imagine the pain she was carrying and the blame she was placing but all he knew was that she was safe and still here and thats all he could ask for. 

“I could never love you less.” He reassured her. “I need you to promise me you won’t forget. No matter what we face, we will get through this.” 

He took her hand and placed a soft kiss to it before kissing her cheek. 

“I love you.” He whispered. 

“I love you too.” 

They sat in the garden holding each other as the realization dawned on them. They were full of heartbreak and sorrow.

-----

idk how to end this. so ugh enjoy. maybe ill rewrite this one day. hope this was okay.

#greens #thewritingstar

[clown-bait]

Monster Family (Monster Roommate AU) CH9

HIATUS OVER! Im back! I had to take some time off in the fall because holy hell life got crazy! But Im back and Im determined to finish this and get the story through IT ch2 idk how long that will take me but now that Im financially stable I finallly have time to write!

CH 9 Hospital

When you're on a diet the last place you want to go to is an ice cream shop where temptation surrounds you in every corner. For Pennywise staring at a room full of screaming crying infants was like standing in an ice cream shop with a growling stomach and the world's biggest sweet tooth. 

They were so helpless and plump he could just pluck one up and swallow it whole. No one would even notice! They're all just right there! The Adam's apple of his human form bobbed up and down as he gulped and pressed a hand to the window. 

"First time dad?" A man was speaking to him he sounded disgustingly confident and joyful.

"Yes." He answered distantly.

"Aw congrats son! My wife just popped out number 3 right there! Cute little tyke, those legs look like a future football star's legs I'm tellin ya! Nice and plump gonna be a strong runner!"

Robert Grey wiped his lips with his sleeve as he stared at the squirming drumsticks. 

"So newbie which one of the little rascals here is yours? Wait don't tell me, the one with the fish eyes HA!"

Robert held back a snarl. "My offspring have not arrived yet." He said almost ominously 

"Ah hell don't be nervous pal! You'll be fine!"

"I do not get nervous." Robert did growl this time. He wanted to leave not only because this human stunk of pork rinds and grass cuttings but more so that he was stressed being in this place. There was a lot of fear in these halls possibly some of his own. His mate's seizing body was still fresh in his mind and the blood from her head was still under some of his fingernails. She will definitely kill him when she wakes up.

"Mister um Grey? Your wife is…..well she's stable will you please come with me?" A nurse called to him. Finally an excuse to leave. 

"Go get em champ!" He heard the human male call out to him. The eldritch decided that none of his offspring will be participating in this game of footballs just to avoid ever encountering this loud individual again. 

"We don't know how to tell you this sir but your wife is….well she has no pulse... Medically speaking she should be dead.." Robert stood unamused at the door of a hospital room he really did not want to be in. "I'm aware of that." He growled at the confused nurse. He should probably make her not see the fact that leech was a card-carrying member of the living dead but to be honest he wasn't focusing too much on what people saw and did not see. Most of his attention was on the strange male who insisted they came here instead of home. He didn't like the smell of him and did not like that his mind was unreadable. All he knew about him was that he knew his mate and had more than just a guitar in that case he carried. 

When the man found them it was Robert Grey's face he wore while he stood in the middle of the road. The creature frantically licked his seizing mate whos swollen stomach flashed frantically with muffled light. No matter what he did, he couldn't get it to stop and his silver desperate eyes reflected back in the approaching headlights. The following conversation was a blur,  the man apparently had met them the night before on that wonderfully brilliant bender he went on. Something about getting his mate to the hospital something about a friend who worked there….

"Sir? Are you all alright? " The nurse asked and brought the eldritch out of his thoughts. He let out a very inhuman snarl and pushed past the woman "sir! We need to discuss this more there's the matter of an ultrasound and-" Pennywise slammed the door behind him. He glanced up at the scene before him; another nurse fussed over the unconscious vampire smearing ointment on her stomach as she lay as still as a fresh corpse. He did not like the way they touched her nor the smell of the bandages on her head.

"Oh you must be the father? We're about to take a look at the baby." She said cheerfully. Pennywise's scowl did not change. 

The instrument pressed into his brood and a fang twitched over his lip. How dare this filth touch his mate and his eggs. He moved to protect but stopped when little lights began to dimly glow beneath the surface of Leech's pale skin. The nurse was mumbling something about seeing babies then she froze jaw going slack at the sight of the monitor. The infant deadlights within his vampire all shined through the screen, paralyzing their victim while rotating hypnotically just like their parent lights. The eldritch finally softened his gaze at the sight of his offspring. Pride stole his breath away from him and his scowl slowly warmed into a smile. Not even born and already making kills. He understood it all now, pride in something other than himself. Was he crying? Can he cry? Pennywise was lost in pondering these new emotions not even registering that his mate had come to and had bitten into the brain scrambled nurse. Leech hissed as she sucked the life out of the woman reflecting soulless eyes at the dumbstruck cosmic horror who was still completely mesmerized by all the strange new parental feelings it was trying to process. He didn't move till the empty body fell to the floor snapping back to reality at the sound of the heavy thud. Leech returned to a reclined position resting her palm on her churning stomach feeling the happy buzzing beneath her skin coughing and wheezing as if the blood she just consumed was her first breath of life.

A tissue dragged over her lips and one of her eyes slowly opened to watch Robert hover over her. "You're in trouble." She muttered.

"When am I not." He smirked and licked the tissue before swiping blood from her cheek particularly hard. 

"You didn't even propose you dick!" Leech growled and gingerly sat up. 

"Was tired of being bothered." Her mate tossed the tissue aside and instead switched to running his thumb over her cool lips. He licked his fingers clean with a satisfied groan. 

"That's not really the point of getting married Pen." Leech replied quietly and the mood changed fast. Robert's hands pulled away from her and a coldness filled the air. The eldritch stepped back towards the door and Leech could see the hurt on his features even if he hid it.

"..........You do not want this?" was he sad? Oh great drama queen is upset. 

"Hey I'm having your fucking babies egg head!" She blurted out trying to get out of the bed but struggled from her size. Her mate was already getting ready to walk out. "Pen don't fucking jump to conclusions. I don't want this in the way you did it! That's what has me upset!" She felt fear in her throat followed by the pain of her own children feeding off her. Tears spilled from her eyes as ichor bubbled from her mouth. "I want it to fucking mean something to you, like it does for me!" She gurgled weakly spilling black goo from her lips to the floor. Her mate did finally stop trying to leave much to her relief. She coughed and gripped the bed tightly. "I didn't even get a bachelorette party…." She could feel herself panting and she shifted back to a reclining position. "Hey, I still love you, you big drama queen. Don't ever doubt that. Can we just discuss this post offspring? I got a lot on my plate right now."  After an uncomfortable silence he turned to her with wild golden eyes. "They look like me." Was all he said. 

"They eat like you too." Leech sighed wiping her own blood from her lips. Robert's lip twitched upward as Leech shut her eyes in relief "I hate saying this but-"

"You need my help."

"You're the one who did this to me anyway." The vampire groaned and shut her eyes. "I feel so gross and bloated." She felt a hand reach under her knees and another slither around her back lifting her with ease. "Who's being the drama queen now?" He finally grinned 

"Fuck you." 

"You've already done that darling." Robert smirked with pride kissing her bandaged head. Leech traced the nail of her thumb over his cheekbone and her eldritch leaned into the touch.

"Just mouth stuff then." She smiled and kissed his soft wet lips.  

"What the hell are you doing?! Put her back idiot!" The pair froze at the shout as two men burst into the room. Pennywise's eye cracked open and rolled to the side, eyeing them both with venom. "Oh christ, they killed Bridget." The doctor groaned. Herbert West lifted the dead woman's wrist and dropped it "I suppose I can use the body for research. This will be such a mess to clean, you people are nightmares to work with I hope you know that." 

"I thought you said you didn't work with the living doc." Leech grumbled as her mate eased her back down and stood guard in front of her bedside.

"Your buddy here called in a favor."

"The guy from the bar?"

"Call me Duke darlin, Duke Rivers! Found the two of you in the middle of the road, gave you a lift." 

"I don't remember anything after passing out." Leech grumbled gingerly touching her head. 

"Shoulda seen that old bug of yours! What a worried wreck! Didn't I tell ya he'd come around?" The older man laughed then placed his coat on his shoulder. "I'll bet letting the doc take it from here, consider it my one good deed of the day. Come see my show sometime kid." 

"I- yeah, I think I will thanks." The man studied her as Robert shot a venom-filled glare in his direction then nodded at them as he slipped out. Leech barely had time to think before being roughly grabbed by the chin.

"You seem to be healing slow your um..species.. is known for regenerating yes?" West turned her head and pulled back her dressings.

"You think I'm sick?" Leech sat up taking her mate's hand.

"Do keep in mind I specialize in humans this is completely uncharted territory for me." 

"Well I'm human-shaped….most of the time…"

"I'll need you to go over weaknesses and allergies of both you and your...significant other. Something could have weakened you or the babies." 

"I have none!" Robert butted in with pride. 

"Yeah yeah lucky you." Leech grumbled. 

"And I believe I told you to wait till sunset but ohhhh no someone just haaad to go swimming."

"Oh shut up you were just as into it as I was."

"So you've been weakened by sunbathing despite knowing you're allergic to sunlight. And here I thought legendary monsters would be intelligent." The doctor sighed and turned the vampires head who hissed in annoyance. "Figures you are more vulnerable in your condition. By the rate your head injury is healing it'll take days instead of hours till you're on your feet. Hope the tan was worth it."

"Your bedside manner needs work doc." Leech muttered as he roughly redressed her wound 

"I work with the dead not the living"

"It shows." Robert nearly hissed not liking the way this other touched his mate so carelessly.

Leech rolled her eyes at him "So I don't know about you boys but i need another drink. Hook a girl up doc? Got any A negative? That shits rare!" 

"I would like a baby." The cosmic horror said cooly

"You already have babies Pe-.......wait…..no. oh no you are not eating a baby!"

"Peachy they are literally right there!" The eldritch's fangs split his face as he glared out the small window. His company looked mortified "Just one, one small soft and squealing."

"You are not eating a fucking baby!" Leech growled.

"I deserve one!" The disguised clown snarled glaring at his mate with vermilion eyes and a broken human face. 

"You already got my ass virginity today!" Leech snarled back rolling her eyes at the dramatic display.

"Things I did not need to hear at 5 am….. look I'm not stealing you rare blood types and infants for a grotesque gourmet feast. I will supply you with what you will need and then ask you people to get out of my hospital." The doctor grumbled and began to fuss with the corpse on the floor. 

 "Fine then Pen take me home, I'd rather rot in my own bed anyway." 

"I told you a couple days rest. You will live, are all of you this dramatic?"

"Only the pretty ones doc!" The vampire flashed a parting grin as they left the doctor to clean their mess. He was grumbling something about never working with the undead again. 

------------------

"You should be resting." Her monster’s voice hissed from under her bed. Leech shot a disinterested glance to the floor then back to her window. She felt a puff of hot moist air uncontrollably close to her face then heard a maw of teeth open "YoU sHOulD bE REsTinG." The eldritch gurgled.

"You realize the scary faces are gonna keep me awake right?" Leech cooly said and heard a set of jaws snap shut with enough force to break bones in two. 

"Things other than scary faces are keeping you up. I smell it on you." Her clown’s voice warbled out and Leech subconsciously moved for him to join her. 

"You ever look at someone you've never met and just feel like you know them?"

"No. But I am amused by this continue." The massive horror smiled through his words as he bullishly snuggled his way into his mate’s bed.

"I think I know the guy who helped us. I don't know why though." 

"Hmm too much stressing for you Mrs. Wise. But I will help put your mind at ease when you feel better. Promise promise." Leech felt soft nuzzles against her head as her mate ran his cheekbones over her skull like a cat. 

"I thought we agreed not to talk about that." Leech grumbled and turned to face her apparent "husband". "And its Grey. I like Grey on the end of my name."

"Someone's thought of this before!" Pennywise's smile widened. "Daydreaming about your clown my dear?"

"Don't embarrass me." Leech grunted and buried her face in his ruff. If she was alive, her face would be hot. "I'm not considering this official until we have a real ceremony and I get a ring. Call me old fashioned but your girl has standards."

"Hmm as you wish then Mrs. Grey!" He chuckled darkly smirking at her darkened cheeks and wide-eyed expression. 

"You fucking jackass." She muttered as her clown cackled grabbing her tight and tickling her skin. So much for bed rest.

#pennywise #pennywise fanfiction #pennywise x oc #it fanfiction #monster roommate au

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x12 “Prophet and Loss”

me: (◕︿◕✿)

i’m too soft™ for this

03:26pm

i am NOT READY in any way, shape or form

but i have a standard-quality video file and a 720p one is downloading slowly

i saw the promo video thing, dean’s phone battery died and i swear my heart died with it

i’m with cas on the “no suicide please” train

on the one hand, this is a deadly duo episode and i don’t trust them. BUT, they have been less awful recently. so. i’m like. expecting some gay. but that gay is ultimately gonna feel like queerbaiting, right?? LET’S HOPE NOT

fingers crossed for real gay, just in case i jinx it by doubting it

-

03:29

HERE GOES

-

03:31

the box underwater

THIS BETTER BE A DREAM

-

03:32

THE TERROR ON DEAN’S FACE IS MAKING MY HEART POUND I DON’T LIKE THIS ONE LITTLE BIT

-

03:33

the blood on the walls from his fingers

jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez

;~;

-

03:34

so far enjoying the directing here

dean’s got a red light saying nope, not changing his mind

sam’s behind him every step of the way

now sam’s trying to build a bridge between them (art on the wall)

-

03:38

just............ sitting here............. recoiling constantly from the screen while this dude does whatever he’s doing to his girl

deeply uncomfortable

-

03:41

so dean hasn’t even told cas and jack

oh man

-

03:42

OH MAN SAM ALREADY TOLD CAS

OH MAN

-

03:42

the fact dean shoulders open the bathroom door without touching it and dries his hands on his jeans is a) so beautiful, and b) so relatable

-

03:45

the guy with the knife again

i winced away from the screen so hard i pulled a muscle in my neck

goddamn i forget how wearing earbud headphones means i can’t just close my ears or move away from the distressing noise

-

03:39

sam: “if we could not have conversations that sound like deathbed apologies, i would really appreciate..”

i fricking cannot with my emotions right now

also john winchester is an asshole

-

03:56

THE SMILE

;A;

“it’s so good to hear from you!!!!”

;A; ;A; ;A;

-

03:58

dean: “so thank you, and, um........................ it’s good to hear your voice”

;~;

-

04:01

why do people say “you don’t have to do this” when tied up and in danger

i find that a strange thing to say? idk

-

04:50

more red lights

a lot of red lights in this

-

04:07

another one

-

04:14pm

switching to 720p because the download’s finally done

also do women actually wear those kinds of frilly night gowns??? or is that just what people imagine “lady life partner who died violently in the night to further the manpain” to wear

-

04:17

sarah: “you wanted him... you still do.... you didn’t come here to find peace, you came here to the place where you became one with him”

sounds gay and evil

-

04:19

sarah: “you can’t.... because you are him”

i mean that makes sense, if an angel is in a host for a long time and does the same acts over and over and feels certain emotions, the host’s brain pathways would form that way, to continue doing and feeling those things

but also i guess nick said yes in the first place, and continued to allow lucifer to use him, because he was that way inclined to begin with

......you know, by the same logic, jimmy probably had feelings for dean tbh

-

04:22

i kept expecting sarah to explode in a justified ghostly rage and set the walls on fire

but here we are..........

not with a bang but with a whimper

-

04:23

kjasdufshfsdhfhFDSKJGJDSJGSJDKGJKDJGJDJGJKGJKGDFJKKJG

this screenshot of cas is a screenshot of me reacting to this screenshot

(also the noise dean’s brain is making)

-

04:25

“doctor”

this screenshot doesn’t show the subtlety of all his movements  BUT HE’S FUCKING trying not to look THRILLED LOOK AT THAT ALMOST-SMILE OMG.

just a hair’s breadth from flustering and looking down the way he did with dr. sexy maybe??? tbh he also looks sad, he would be a lot happier if he weren’t about to lock himself in a box for eternity

the lil gulp as well ?

definitely lowkey flustered, i’m calling it

-

04:29

yup, cut to sam and the real doctor WHILE DEAN AND CAS HAVE A SILENT CONVERSATION OFF SCREEN yes/yes?

-

04:32

“oh, no. no, please don’t compare this with your suicidal plan. just stop.”

he SO MAD

i love cas more than words can say

-

04:34

cas: “so then.......... this is goodbye?

THE LOOK IN THEIR EYES

MY HEART IS BREAKING OH NO

-

04:35

And then SAM INTERRUPTS

ARE YOU KIDIDNG ME

ARE YOU FSDUFVJSDGVJ ING KIDDING ME

well at least that means there’s still something to be said between them, still eternally unsaid

-

04:37

cas: “dean, if there’s a spark, a hope, then i have to try”

aaaaaaand there’s the parallel again, if cas can save donatello then he can save dean

-

04:38

YELLOW LIGHT GREEN ROOM

WE’RE GETTING SOMEWHERE

and of course cas was the one who, by appearing, changed everything

-

04:43

this is so stinking cute i love seeing them together doing ANYTHING AT ALL i love them both so much

-

04:44

also they talk v close and it feels v intimate

i can feel their body heat from here

-

THEY GOT CLOSER

-

04:45

I HAVE MISSED SEEING THEM TOGETHER AND NOT ANGRY OR ACTIVELY DYING

-

CAS’ LIL SMILE

-

04:47

dean: “cas’ll catch you up”

BUT IS DEAN GONNA LEAVE FOREVER AND LEAVE CAS OH NO

-

04:50

sam: “donatello never quit fighting, so we could help him, because he never gave up”

OH MAN THAT GOT ME RIGHT IN THE DEPRESSION FEELS

I LOVE THAT THEY GAVE JARED THOSE LINES

-

04:51

sam: “i believe in us” *punch*

okay but i laughed and i probably shouldn’t laugh

but i did laugh

-

04:52

dean: “okay sam. let’s go home”

ok time to cry

-

04:52

dean: “but i do believe in us”

(cas walks up)

“i believe in all of us”

P E R F  E C T

-

04:54

the end screen is white from the impala lights and i’m crying this was beautiful and perfect and HOW THE FUCK DID THE DEADLY DUO PULL THIS OFF

thAT PARALLEL BETWEEN DONATELLO AND DEAN THOUGH

THAT WAS LIKE...... ACTUAL WRITING

this was great??????/ and i’m emotional??????/ more emotional that i have been for ...um, pretty much every episode for like... 2 or 3 seasons, maybe

this was a 10/10 easily

jeeeez the suicide thing and sam talking dean out of it

look

y’all know how much i love dean and cas, and seeing them in the same place at the same time

but sam’s moment at the end was the best part of this whole thing

.........but. also.

i feel like dean and cas had a scene cut. as always. there was something missing there that i feel we were promised and didn’t get. please god let us get an actual conversation between them??? about their feelings for each other????????? it kind of sickens me that we haven’t had that yet. and it’s clearly almost happening, again and again and again and it’s definitely a romance trope, interrupted before they confess their feelings

a high point: dean and sam saved the asian kid from being killed by fire, that was both good and cool and i was very relieved

i’m a bit frustrated that nick is still ... happening

but at the same time, i find nick like 350% more interesting and enjoyable to watch than lucifer

there was a lot going on in this episode, as there always is in the buckleming episodes, but i watched in stops and starts because of cats and food and the wind slamming my door and my sister texting me, so if there were pacing issues i didn’t notice. it seemed pretty smooth to me idk

but i did really enjoy this, besides the gruesome murders and latino murdery guy (who was the best friend of the older twin brother (dean parallel), technically making the murdery guy a cas parallel?) killing people in horrible ways and then killing himself :/

also dean saying the guy was a psycho and then punching him out felt a liiittle bit like “people with mental health issues are evil and dangerous” and that felt uncomfortable EVEN THOUGH the guy WAS a bad murdery sort, and the whole episode was clearly also about helping people with depression or suicidal designs for themselves.

(now i type all this out, i’m realising the underlying messages of this episode were kind of messy. just a bit.)

edit: OR maybe that was dean’s self-hatred talking

(how and why did the next prophet in line have an enochian tattoo, if the pick is random? was it just coincidence? or did he get that tattoo after donatello started whispering to him?)

sarah...... she was clearly angry, and ghosts that’ve been around a long time tend to get verrrry angry, as i recall? she could’ve done some angry ghost stuff, that would’ve been more satisfying maybe (but on the other hand, the quietness of nick’s exit was also impactful)

i enjoyed the transition of red lights and backdrops throughout the episode to yellow and white, and then the green in the room at the end

anyway. yes. really did expect more on the dean-and-cas front, but i also expected to be let down, so i don’t really know where i stand on that. i just want more of them interacting in general ;~;

next week: MORE EMOTIONS!!!! YAY

#Elmie watches things #14x12 #prophet and loss #spn spoilers #Destiel #post of postiness #deadly duo #season 14 #I GOT THIS POST TO WORK YEEE had to re-upload each screenshot one by one u_u

[sequoiann]

❧ h.js | assassin!au

pairing; seventeen joshua x reader

genre; bulletpointed, assassin!joshua, fluff, doctor!reader, mentions of blood

collab with; @kpop–fics

tags; @lunarjihoon

notes; my asssassin!aus are getting waaay to fluffy for a supposedly dark au i’m sorry everyone AHAHA but hope you like this one!!

joshua assassin!au

did you think you were gunna get some dark shua

SIKE

jkjk

he’s the medic ??? of the team 

idk what you wanna call it but

he basically cures everyone on the team

and prevents them from dying lol

no i mean seriously joshua is seen as the florence nightingale of the group 

but ok he does go on the missions too

since he has the most advanced knowledge on medicine and stuff like that ,, he can make doses that can kill their targets

basically poison doses lol

andddd he’s always busy 

like 

he doesn’t have time to rest 

AT ALL 

because

every day 

like every single day

after every single mission

there would be at least one wounded member on the team 

“smh guys can’t you be more careful” 

“YOU TRY IT THEN” 

“...nvm” 

he usually does the behind-the-scenes work and not the actions aha

& he usually gets really worried when someone gets injured bc he knows how bad it could get

it could go from 

“seungkwan got a scratch on his cheek”

to

“SEOKMIN HAS HIS INTESTINES RIPPED OUT JOSHUA SAVE HIM” 

like what the fuck guys

well 

no matter how busy it could get 

it was something he did like doing 

he liked the feeling of being important to the team 

and 

the fact that he could make the members feel better

but surprise surpriseeeeee

he actually didn’t plan on becoming part of an assassin team 

all he wanted was to become a doctor 

but 

since his group of friends pulled him into this 

,,,

why not 

they were all childhood friends and had promised to stay as a group when they were still really young

and their friendship had remained strong throughout the years

so sure

they need someone to look after them anyways

it was kinda funny to imagine that they would be nowhere without him 

seokmin would probably have his kidney hanging out of his body or something

but today, it was joshua himself who got injured 

they were on a mission to kill the president of a corrupted company

so all of them went,, since the building was really big

and jeonghan stayed in the car as standby

jihoon too,,, he was just monitoring them aft hacking the building’s cctvs

soo for those in the building

they were moving tgt, although pretty spaced out

joshua lagged behind the group bc he was on the lookout

but suddenly someone just grabs him from the back and joshua managed to kick him off

but that man came back and just flung him

shua was practically thrown against a window + shelf while trying to attack back

and there was a huGEE gash running up his upper arm

resulting in his arm bleeding a waterfall of blood

apparently the company had higher security than they had predicted so

abort mission for real

when they were in the car + when they got back, joshua couldn’t do anything bc ,,,

i mean ,,,

how tf is he supposed to treat himself

soonyoung was just pressing a thick cloth onto the wound but it wasn’t of much help really

everyone else would be able to help with minor wounds but this one was asdfgkl

,,, joshua wouldn’t be able to help even if it happened on another member

it was that bad

and ok jeonghan knew how to stitch wounds up 

but they don’t have anesthetic

so he couldn’t stitch the wound up bc joshua would probably die from the pain first before dying from blood loss

and joshua was just getting paler and paler by the minute

this wound just couldn’t get treated by any of them

“i think we need to get you to a hospital”

cue joshua pouting bc he never really liked hospitals

the doctors never really cared

shua had a few hospital visits when he was younger

none of them being good experiences

like omg the doctors act as if everything can be cured by ice packs

got a bruise? have an ice pack. 

have a stomach ache? have an ice pack. 

broke your neck? have a fucking ice pack.

like do i look like a moron to you

ok back to the story

seungcheol was kinda hesitant at first but 

1. he knew their assassin group was pretty private so no one would recognize them 

2. shua was gonna die and

3. shua is screaming

ok not really screaming screaming

but making weird grunting noises

of pain

whatever 

he needed to live

the team needed him

so 

an hour later 

joshua and everyone else were in front of the local hospital 

andddd you worked there as a pretty experienced doctor

so! 

suddenly

that night

a horde of men just run into the hospital like a fucking tsunami was chasing them lmao

“is there a doctor available?!!!” 

you were the closest to them and you didn’t even have to ask who’s injured

bc this,,, brown-haired guy,,,, in the middle of all of them,,, being held up by 2 guys,,, was literally red

like i mean everything was red

except for his face which was ghostly !!! white !!!

but his clothes were soaked in his own blood and his flesh on his arm was cut open and it was so deep and just

omg it was really really gory

you were pretty shook

“did you guys murder someone or something??”

everyone just gave each other awkward glances 

like um techincally yes we did

you quickly led them to a room and did all the procedures

aka stitching of the wound

but you didn’t allow the whole group of them to follow you in bc you counted 13 of them in total like nonononono get out all of you

so only seungcheol followed

you stitched up joshua’s wound after injecting him with local anesthetic to numb the area

and seungcheol had to look away bc ew

joshua was still really pale tho like the amount of blood he lost was ,,, a lot ,,,

“i think he’s gonna have to stay here for a day or two,” you told seungcheol

seungcheol just nods and leaves and you try to call him back to sign the papers but he juST LEFT 

you were dumbfounded like okay so you’re just ?? gonna ?? leave your friend here ???

but joshua (you learnt his name from seungcheol while you were stitching up joshua’s wound) was asleep

and reasonably so

he would’ve been really weak and tired, considering how much blood he lost

you couldn’t help but stare at him for a while bc he,,, looked ,,, cute

there was a little frown on his face but he still looked pretty relaxed

and his features and everything were just so perfectly sculpted ajdskjfh

ok no y/n you’re a professional doctor stop it

so you let him sleep in the ward after updating his medical reports

and you were on night shift so you were gonna stay in the hospital through the night

you went on your daily rounds and settled more patients

but when you went to check back on joshua about 4 hours later

mEJIK

pOOf

hE wAs gONe

the hospital bed was empty ,,, with just a few cash notes lying on the sheets

o and a little handwritten note too

which just said “thanks for stitching up my wound & taking care of me”

and the amount of cash beside the note was the exact fee he had to pay

okay maybe a few dollars less but that didn’t really matter

what mattered was that hE wASN’T WELL ENOUGH TO LEAVE YET

the wound would open again if he does any strenuous activity omg

but that worry didn’t last very long bc you had other patients to take care of

you couldn’t keep him on your mind like that

fast forward a few weeks later

joshua’s wound !! has healed !!!

not completely but the stitches are out (yes he did it himself) and the wound’s pretty closed already

but he still wasnt in prefect condition so he was sent on a fairly simple mission

which involved killing someone again

but this target was hospitalized 

so it was an easy task

all joshua needed to do was to insert the poison,,, venom thingy,,,, into that person’s IV

but no 

it didn’t go as well as planned

he realized that the person was staying in the same hospital as he was previously

but he didn’t think much of it bc he was here for only a short while

and his identity wasn’t really recorded soOooO 

he just went into the target’s ward, acting as a visitor, a regular mask covering his nose and mouth

and a casual cap over his head

i mean he looked pretty normal

and the target was soundly sleeping

joshua pulled the tiny vile from his pocket, quietly grabbing the syringe from the nurse’ table at the corner of the room, filling it with the poison and injecting it into the IV

“what are you doing?” 

joshua threw the syringe under the bed and stuffed the empty vile into his butt pocket and turned around

shit 

out of all doctors, it had to be you

you ran over, pushing him aside, ripping the IV out of the patient’s arm

the patient had woken up, obviously alarmed and confused

joshua looked away, afraid of being recognized by both you and his target

he quickly turned and walked-jogged right out of the room

you quickly told the patient to just go back to sleep first and ran after joshua

but by the time you got out, you couldn’t see him anywhere 

so you just ran down the hallway, pulling out your phone and calling the hospital’s security.

“hello? someone just entered the---”

you didn’t finish your sentence

the door of the storeroom on your right opened and someone grabbed you, placing a hand over your mouth and pulling you in

your phone was snatched out of your hand and that person switched your phone off

the door got locked but the hand was removed from your mouth

you were about to scream but when you saw the perpetrator’s face ;;; 

“joshua....?” 

you recognized him almost immediately 

he was one of the patients you wouldn’t forget easily

besides, he just came in a few weeks ago

joshua smiles a little when you remembered him

“hey.”

“what the hell? why were you in the patient’s room? what did you put into the IV?” 

your voice was getting louder and louder, causing him to widen his eyes & place his hand over your mouth again

he shushes you

“stop speaking so loud!” 

you stare at him like ??? i’m speaking loudly?? you’re the one who just tried to kill my patient???

joshua couldn’t reveal anything so he just ,,

“that guy isn’t good.” 

you were so pissed like did i ask that ????

joshua just changes the topic suddenly like nothing happened 

and he thanked you for the other time

“i know i haven’t thanked you face to face yet, but thank you. it’s a lot better now.” 

you looked at his arm where the wound was, but it was covered by his sleeve so

nvm 

he smiled at you again and you wanted to scream at him like

stop !!! smiling at me !!!!!

he was so cute you really couldn’t take it 

and so you just snatched your phone from him and left the storeroom 

but not before joshua makes sure you “don’t tell anyone about anything” and “pretend he was never here”

like ok i totally can do that 

he honestly didn’t seem like a bad guy

he seemed to hv good reasons

but no your morals got to you

you had to report him

he nearly killed someone

but before going to the security, you went back to your patient’s room to check if he was fine

but the moment you stepped in

you got fuckign strangled

by your patient

he was shouting something like “are you from their team?! did you just try to kill me?!” 

you were just helplessly clawing at his hands while your lungs contracted

you panicked

but suddenly the pressure on your neck disappears and you just crUmble to the floor

joshua had kicked him in the face and he was sprawled on the floor now

joshua grabs another syringe that was from his jacket pocket and just stabbed it into the man’s neck 

and the man just went unconscious

you were still,,, on the floor,,, spluttering and wheezing

joshua rushed over to you 

“are you okay?” 

he pats you a bit, and he suddenly just reaches around your neck gently, his thumb caressing your sore skin

when you could finally breathe again, you were just

“what was that? did you kill him?” 

joshua shook his head.

“it was just a heavy dose of general anesthetic.” 

that was joshua’s back-up.

you heaved a sigh of relief ;;;  joshua would’ve gotten into huge trouble if the man died 

you got really suspicious of joshua bc of what the man had said to you so you started ,,, cautiously ,,,, questioning joshua

and joshua told you. bc he trusted that you wouldn’t do anything.

and you didn’t !!! bc he just saved your life ,,, he was obviously a good guy

everything he said made sense too sooo okay

so you became a new “partner” of his team

you always helped the members treat their wounds and everything whenever they got injured

it was fun

and joshua liked to make jokes about how “getting injured isn’t bad now, i get to see you” 

:”))))) 

#seventeen #seventeen scenarios #seventeen au #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #seventeen joshua #seventeen jisoo #hong jisoo #joshua hong #joshua #jisoo

[i-amusemyself]

All of the 'Get to Know Me'.

Aaaah tysm!!!

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

(Jokes on you I only usually have 3 songs on repeat at any one time :’-D ) Atm though: Work Song - Hozier, Rats- Miw, Wastelands- Amber Run, Dragula- Rob Zombie, Fireflies- Owl city (yh really), To build a home- The cinematic orchestra.

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

I…don’t know. I’m really not that into meeting ‘idols’ or anything. I guess it’d be pretty cool to meet Kaitlyn Alexander but honestly I’m not sure the anxiety would be worth it.

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“It’s a body,” I said, “A dead body.” lmao

4: What do you think about most?

I imagine what life is going to be like when I get to uni or who/what it’ll be that finally makes me happy.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

“Off to stuff my face with chinese food, talk to you later bro”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Clothes on unless it’s above 25 degrees bc I don’t wanna die (like that)

7: What’s your strangest talent?

Lmaooo talent?! Me?! Idk I’m learning how to do special effects makeup and a couple of people have said its p cool. Also I can do this weird thing with my tongue where it basically rolls in on itself (seems to be genetic)

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls are all ethereal goddesses out of my league.

Boys are not my area of expertise.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

As if lmao! Ain’t no one ever liked me that much.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

I can’t remember so I did it just now to make up for it.

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

I hate cuddly toys with battery packs in them with a passion.

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Nooo

13: What’s your religion?

Don’t have one, I’m an atheist.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Cleaning up my rabbits’ mess.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind it I think

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Honestly it depends on the time of day, when I last ate, the luna cycle… I genuinely don’t have one I can’t answer that

17: What was the last lie you told?

Um, I lied about what I watched on TV last night lmao

18: Do you believe in karma?

I’m not sure, I kinda just hope it exists and that helps keep me sane.

19: What does your URL mean?

It’s pretty self explanatory lmao

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

I don’t know, for the weakness I’m torn between caring too much and saying the wrong thing.

And I wouldn’t call it a major strength but I have a lot of patience.

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

I don’t know (I barely have an interest in anything atm), given I have an entire fanblog dedicated to them I’ll say Kaitlyn Alexander again

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Nope not yet

23: How do you vent your anger?

I have a personal blog ( @the-emotional-equilibrium​ ) that I rant on

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

I have an embarrassing number of kermit memes on my phone

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Video chatting for sure, I like to be able to see people’s faces (also I hate phone calls they’re too awkward).

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

I think I’m a work in progress really. I’m happier with myself than I used to be, but there’s always things I want to change or could improve on and I know I’m never going to be perfect.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

I hate the sound of fabric being ripped, it makes me shiver but I love, idk, that sound when you’re just lying outside and you can hear the birds and stuff. Idk, I don’t listen to much besides music.

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

Argh, erm, I wonder how different life would have been if I’d learnt to stand up for myself earlier. I’d probably have fewer regrets.

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

Ghosts I’m really not sure about. Up until recently I would’ve said no, but honestly I don’t know what to believe anymore. As for aliens they’re definitely real.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Right arm: A cushion on the sofa. Left arm: The wall. Exciting right?

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

Chicken! (Making lunch atm)

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

Lmfaooooo idk???? Not a physical place anyway. When I was really little I once had to stand outside in the snow for about 3 hours and I remember being pretty sure I was gonna die, like it was such a horrible feeling being that cold.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

East coast! I mean, that’s just based on where my friend lives and nothing else but

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Lmfao opposite?! Okay so let’s just assume that means a guy but erm? Idk? Okay I admit I have a slight thing for half the guys in MIW so lets just go with that

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

To have the best time possible and end it with minimal regrets. Also to try to help other people to have a better time to.

36: Define Art.

Stuff you can look at that takes actual talent and imagination.

37: Do you believe in luck?

Not really? I mean sometimes I might consider things Unlucky but tbh I have no idea what I mean by that.

38: What’s the weather like right now?

Pretty boring tbh, it’s just a grey sky with a bit of a breeze.

39: What time is it?

2:49 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I passed my test a few months back but I haven’t driven since so thankfully I haven’t had a chance to crash yet

41: What was the last book you read?

The 5 people You Meet in Heaven….and that was last July smh

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Love it. It’s the smell of my childhood.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Most people at school call me Scaz and most my friends outside of school refer to me as Chorlo. (or Wholemeal Chorlo if your name is ellie)

44: What was the last film you saw?

I watched Shrek 2 last night lmfao I forgot how good it was!!

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I’ve broken quite a few bones but I’m lucky never to have done anything awful. Um, the worst was probably when I broke my elbow or when I tore my side open on a nail jumping off a fence.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Aaah yeah I used to catch them every summer!

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

I guess I’m between obsessions at the minute; though I’m kind of hooked on supernatural ngl

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

Fuck knows. Not straight. I defo like girls but idk about guys.

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

Multiple smh. This one girl once spread a rumor I was a lesbian and I was gay for her (before I even came out) and tbh she’d have been lucky. (She was kinda obsessed with me, she was probs suppressing something). It did kinda ruin my confidence though because of all the reactions so I didn’t come out for another 2 years.

50: Do you believe in magic?

I don’t know what to believe anymore, but I’m kind of open to learning more about it.

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Yeah smh. I have a pretty high Grudge Threshold in that I give people a lot of chances but once they reach that level there’s no going back and I won’t forget what they did.

52: What is your astrological sign?

Libra

53: Do you save money or spend it?

I either save it for months or blow my savings in an hour.

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

A bus ticket?

55: Love or lust?

Love defo

56: In a relationship?

As if lmao

57: How many relationships have you had?

Three, but none of them lasted that long

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

Nope

59: Where were you yesterday?

At home all day working

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

I’m sitting on a pink sofa lol

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

Yeaaah, one is glittery the other has skulls on which sums me up pretty well tbh

62: What’s your favourite animal?

I love so many animals I don’t know!! Capybaras? Alpacas? Giraffes? Chimps? Idk?!

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Lmaoooo I have no idea I haven’t found it yet

64: Where is your best friend?

3918 miles away on the east coast of the USA (I get to see her in 9 days though I’m so excited!!)

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

(I won’t tag them but in no particular order) Pansexi-unicorn, onetinygay, shrekthelesbian, oneshappyplace and only-slightly-dangerous

66: What is your heritage?

I’m white as a toilet m8. Nah a lot of my family comes from Denmark/scandinavia which you can kind of tell from looking at me tbh

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Sleeping. Sorry that’s not more interesting.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

I think it’s like, double barrel as in May-Trump or something

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

Maybe..

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Errrm, sort of? I try to make an effort, so that’d be nice. But I’m so quiet and shy sometimes that if I was friends with myself we’d probably never talk lmao

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog, no doubt about it. If my boss is that much of a dick I’ll probably lose my job sooner or later, so I might as well lose it helping out a doggo.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) I’d tell the people closest to me, but maybe not straight away depending on how I thought they’d react.

b) I’d probably blow my saving and go travelling. I mean, what else is there to do? Oh and finish bingewatching all my shows at that time bc dying on a cliffhanger would really piss me off.

c) Maybe a little? Just because once you die you’re alone with whatever the hell comes after (pun not intended).

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Argh?! Trust? I guess? No point having love if you can’t trust people.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men and Fireflies by Owl City. They both bring on such nostalgia.

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

6666 as far as the internet is concerned.

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Just like, having someone you can chill with and open up to. Someone where you don’t have to care about embarrassing yourself with or worry about constantly because you trust them. Just like, a super cool friendship but with kissing.

77: How can I win your heart?

Don’t be afraid to be yourself I guess. I love interesting people that don’t pretend to be someone else. Also interesting people with swords.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Who am I to answer that? Idk, I suppose yeah.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Cutting off shitty people and actually valuing myself enough to find new friends.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

7 (could be a lot worse given my height)

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

Something along the lines of “I’m just dormant” or “Nothing is set in stone.”

82: What is your favourite word?

Un sacapuntas

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Break

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

“I amuse myself” or “what the fuck”

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Alive (i think its called) by Sia

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

Black, red and purple

87: What is your current desktop picture?

It’s a galaxy spacey thing

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

I’m torn between Putin and Kim Jong Un (no need to worry about Trump, I’m sure someone already has a plan.)

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

The third question in my inbox rn lmao

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

(I was so tempted to say “ask if they prefer being the big or little spoon” why am I like this)

Idk id probs strike up a convo whilst looking around the room for the best weapon just in case.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Hmmm, I think mind reading would be useful but it might make my anxiety even worse! So that or teleportation.

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Any half hour when I wasn’t stressed about exams lmao (bonus if the weather was good)

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

A guy did something that I wish he hadn’t and I’m still fucked up by it sooo that.

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

I honestly don’t know, it’s not something I’ve thought about with “music-celebrities” lmao

Edit: Hold up I’ve just remembered Halsey exists.

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

The place I’m going in 9 dayyys!! (Or Copenhagen)

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Not that I know of.

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

When I was really little and hopefully never again

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yup a couple of times

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

For fucks sake can’t you all just educate yourselves and get along? Stop. Killing. Each. Other.

[kkukkung]

Im crying in the school bathroom rn I seriously love wonho so much I'm in pain why is he my ideal guy in every way he's so amazing and handsome and sweet but whO CARES BEVause he don't kno me haha am I right

big mood all the time im always in pain bc he rly................ doesn’t KNOW i would let him shave off my eyebrows if he wanted 2

tardy replies as usual under the cut!

(sorted from oldest to newest)

I wouldn't even care if wonho was a high maintenance boyf tbh I'd just sit and comb his hair all day and tell him he's pretty

hdjkfh this was so long ago but i think i was mostly kidding abt him being a high maintenance bf... like he would do so much giving? but i guess the only thing he’d need is constant reassurance that his s/o loves him imo jfdhgjk... i also think he’d b someone who either doesn’t settle down ever or does it very late in his life!

annie 🌹literary queen ❤️ literally crowned with a laurel wreath! not be drum attic but this midsummer nights monsta au is so!!!! give me sistar as the four star crossed lovers then drag me to h*ll and give me this doctor faustus au i'm itching for with kihyun as faustus and k.will as mephistopheles bc i love to watch my faves s*ffer but don't let me rip until i get my much ado about nothing au with the entire cast of starship ent and a lil cameo from giriboy!

(in refence to this monsta x as shakespearean archetypes ask!) fjdshgkjs shh i lov u... why is k will as mephistopheles so Accurate esp no.mercy k will lmao. um u should write all of these? in fact if... if anyone has mx literary aus.... hmu...... i’ll n*t

another thing about that incident is that it seems like the fan doesn't think Changkyun and Jooheon undersood them?? (an extension i guess they assumed they don't understand english very well) and that's pretty problematic. it seems to me that when they didn't respond the fan assumed they didn't understand and kept repeating it, as a joke. but they literally did That to the two with the most proficient english in the group... it's rly a mess all around. it's disrespectful through and through

(in relation to that gross “d*ddy” incident from a while ago) ik i feel like some intl fans think korea is a land completely culturally and linguistically alienated/divorced from the rest of the world or something and while cultural relativism is real to some extent... the idea that koreans are completely unaware of ~outside~ things is deeply racist. like mostly white ppl think that diasphoric poc are completely Different from them? when my mum went to the states 15 years ago some ppl literally asked her if there were newspapers in china lol...

i just randomly thought of monsta x as sesame street characters mostly bc i wanna see kihyun and wonho duke it out as bert and ernie (kihyun w/ the waste paper bin on his head and wonho asking 'where's the waste paper bin' and kihyun saying 'ask me that again and look into my eyes') and also minhyuk being elmo tbh...

JKGHKJDF PLEASe!!!! when will something like this b photoshopped... minhyuk as elmo is... spot on... i remember once elmo appeared on a now-discontinued late night talk show program i used to watch when i was in primary school and he was like “elmo likes wasabi, that’s why elmo has no eyebrows” and idk why ive never been able to forget this????? very lmh. also this made me think of a monsta x muppets au n minhyuk is the pic of ass-gape kermit.... next post of mine will b monsta x as kermit reaction pics

Hyungkyun is such an under appreciated ship. Like, they just get each other so well? Why do people overlook it. ㅠ.ㅠ Do you have a moment that made you ship them? How would you describe their dynamic?

it’s bc they’re intp x intj they don’t rly... Understand each other with minimal effort/real communication lmao it’s very efficient. both quiet lil darlings who aren’t emotionally That Open but enjoy their own little space together sometimes?? their dynamic is like... they’re weird in different ways but they’re v chill together. u can tell hyungwon is super fond of changkyun like he has this Expression when ck does anything at all.... i think these two rly love each other’s personalities bc they’re both kind/gentle/peaceful types and their overall ?? vibe is just highly compatible... they’re absolute darlings... v soft together... i can’t think of a favourite moment but i rly rly love their birthday messages for each other last year like changkyun’s message for hyungwon was like “ur rly cool bruh ur rly such a great person” and hyungwon’s message for changkyun was rly... just him obviously doting on him n finding him cute jksfdhg i lov them a lot :(

soyou: i know how to make hair pretty :))) knetz: dirty fckn iljin why can't she be out there being being PRODUCTIVE in society by having babies and learning how to be a good wife for her future husband ://// smh how dare she be successful now when i'm stuck doing what society wants me to do but also anonymously attacking ppl i don't personally know on the internet bc THATS respectable the irony of ugly knetz is so transparent

The whole thing about Knetz and wonho's "scandalous" past reminded me of something. As a PSA to those people who are so insistent and pushy that idols aren't allowed to have sex/date/be anything but straight: Fuck all of you. You do not own these people, and if you really cared about them you'd be happy if they were happy. Like tbh, if anyone that famous and busy could also balance out a relationship at the same time, I'd be so happy for them. It really bugs me how all idols are supposed (1/2)(2/2) have this squeaky clean innocent image where they have to look and act a certain way and have these stupid fucking dating bans because once they don't meet up to that image their success suffers. Idols already give up so much privacy, and the last thing they need is millions of people scrutinizing every little thing they do. I don't even know where I started this rant from, but basically, GIVE IDOLS PRIVACY AND DONT JUDGE THEM FOR THEIR PASTS OR FOR BEING IN RELATIONSHIPS OR WHATEVER

yeth ty for highlighting the gross obsession w purity and productivity (like the first anon said -- a very confucian sort of ideal)... i don’t rly have anything else to add here i think. also i would fight for soyou i fact i would fight lmh who said she was his ideal type in no.mercy era... she’s rly one of my faves and the way she was slandered for the hairdressing thing was one of the most ridiculous things knets ever did lmao honestly yuk

u a kihyun stan now👀👀👀

im a @fhiz​ stan it’s the same thing tbh

ahh so i saw your tags on that jh gifset! as one of the few jh stans (or maybe there are way more than i think there are lol) i rly love his "reversal charm." he has a lot of what i lack as a person: a strong presence and a lot of confidence! i respect him so much as a person alth i rag on him a lot LMAO. sorry if this is a bit long winded but i just rly wanted to put this out there ;;

this is rly cute i lov hearing ppl talk abt their faves lovingly it rly... Heals Me. i think it’s strange how underappreciated jooheon is in this fandom especially bc he’s usually the one who catches ur eye first bc he’s so hyped by starship as being a one-in-a-million talented rapper u know? and he rly shines in mvs and no.mercy but............. y does he have the least fansites jkfhdg ?? you’re v right abt the reversal charm thing but i feel like sometimes it’s very overdone like... on lots of shows he’s asked to do aegyo when rly he should be asked to... idk... rap or dance or something?? i actually think jooheon is the most serious member of monsta x sometimes bc he seems to have a sense that he’s.. the pillar of mx if that makes sense? and that’s why he’s always pushing himself and working tirelessly like he feels very Responsible for this group, more than anyone else. idk if that makes sense!!! i love him and i want him to... unwind a bit bc sometimes he looks so stressed and tired but he still feels the need to pretend to be energetic like my heart rly hurts for him :/ this got so emo im sry i do rly love to hear that u respect him sm i love jooheon stans :(

i can see what u mean about jooheon being 1 of the most masculine. (iirc u also talked abt kihyun being that in a post a while ago) like with his face and his physique he really is striking; his body=like that slim,upside-down Y that you'd learn to draw men w/ in Anatomy 101 , but i think.. ,--not that u asked, but,, i think the jury's still out on if he's comfortable w his masculinity with the way he acts feminine lyk misogynistic comedians Can sound like dead ringers for women,? idk & i take +

(not sure if there was a 2nd part to this? there’s nothing else in my inbox so i’m sry if there was and tumblr ate it) yeth i think i meant that his demeanor is the most ~~masculine~~ whereas i think kihyun is still the most... idk... mature-masculine?? if tht makes sense, and i definitely agree w u on that second point! i didn’t think of that at the time but now that i... do... think abt it... ur right and also the way he comes back from it by putting on the >swag demeanor again in an attempt to polarise it is definitely a bit 👀👀👀 he probably doesn’t want to risk his Manly Rapper Image for real u kno? that said it’s ingrained in kpop that behaving cute --> “girly” entails that sort of “comedic” high-pitched voice + compact body language etc.... like i’m not condoning that ofc but i definitely think it’s broader than this particular case! :/ hm

maybe i'd be doing better in school if i could major in kihyunology ;~; i stan him but i def think we still don't know much about him even after all this time after debut. especially when i look at him compared to wonho who wears his heart on his sleeve (bless him i love wonho sm, gotta protect this bun at all costs!!)...but ya it just makes me wanna learn more about him like who is the real kihyun??

i want to write a kihyun meta when i have time... i feel like i Get him a bit more these days but it’s also very hard to put into words bc u kno when u kinda sorta mb get some1 but it’s a feeling rather than anything conveniently expressable gkjdhfjk.... idk if anyone wants to send in some Kihyun Thoughts + Meta feel free! :>> i don’t think he’s actually... as complex as we sometimes make him out to be lol like his behaviour is actually kind of predictable? more on his later

wait is the february comeback actually true? ugh i'm so conflicted cuz on one hand i'm excited if there's really gonna be a full length album, but i also think they need more rest but then there's the matter of getting their first win and idk i'm super psyched but i'm also worried that the boys are being overworked

i still feel like they had a comeback like yesterday lol like looking at their schedules stresses me out bc they do so much..... im glad wonho got to go to his mum’s cafe recently tho! all we can do is have faith in them rn and when it’s time... stream, buy things if ur able to, spread the news and the hype etc. i am definitely Worried abt some things like the competition they’re up against but.... gotta have faith u kno... and i feel like all active idols are kind of... permanently worked very hard but i think currently only jooheon and shownu are a bit Overloaded. also has the date been confirmed yet... it’s february already...

#i planned 2 answer more but im... sleepy... #soon... i will... catch up... and make this blog neater + more navigation-friendly #ask #compilation #Anonymous

[starktson]

How I got on T at 17

How I got on hormones is a very unconventional story and absolutely hope no one has to go through what I went through. So this is more a warning story more than anything. Firstly, my mom after the initial “AH YOU’RE TRANS?!?!” year or so she has been my biggest supporter. I would not be here if it was not for her. 

So at 16, my primary care physician referred me to a children’s endocrinologist about 2 hours away. I went to that appointment and I didn’t get on hormones. I don’t remember the appointment honestly. I remember taking a photo out the big window in the office and the really tight blood pressure cuff but that was about it. My mom at the time was still very wary of me going on hormones and I was really trying to more get on blockers because my “time of month” aka Tom, was horrid. I was scared to go on birth control because I did not want to put more female hormones in my body. I did end up going on birth control though because Tom was so bad. 

After that endocrinologist appointment, I kind of just gave up and thought I wouldn’t get on hormones until I was 18. I had recently lost my insurance (thanks asshole of a father) so I was going to this healthcare clinic that had everything under the sun there. It had Adult Medicine, Pediatrics, Dentist, OBGYN, Pharmacy, Eyedoctor...etc. I went there for an eye exam because I needed new glasses. I sitting in an exam room with my mom  and the nurse was asking just normal questions. We brought up I was trans because I went by a different name. My mom happens to ask if a doctor there dealt with trans people and the nurse said yes. So we made an appointment with Dr Jones. 

I remember this day vividly, I was my final day of junior year and I was so excited. (Little did I know it would be hell for two years). My mom picked me up after school and we went to the clinic. I signed in and they called me back. We sat in the exam room for almost an hour without seeing anyone. Finally after my mom complained a nurse came in saying, “You’re still 17 so you need to go to pediatrics downstairs.” We explained we were here to see Dr Jones because he dealt with trans people. So we waited again in the exam room for another hour. Finally we had enough and went to complain to management. No one had been in to help us. As we were complaining, an awkward and tall man came in and apologized. So we went back and Dr Jones said that he would prescribe me hormones as long as I got a therapist’s letter. He gave me an organization about an hour away that could help with that. I am not even sure what he said but he wanted me to come back tomorrow to meet the pediatric guy downstairs because I guess he was “an ally.”

I came back the next day even though it still felt really weird and anxiety provoking. This man, Dr H was an extremely creepy man. He immediately started calling himself LGBT but then said he was not gay or anything just an ally. I honestly do not remember the timeline exactly because this whole thing was very traumatic but basically the organization that Dr Jones referred me to could not write me a letter and Dr H ended up becoming my therapist for 3 very uncomfortable and inappropriate sessions. 

Upon hearing his last name, I immediately looked up Dr H. The last name was my stepmom and she was in social work too. Her last name come to find out was from her previous husband and Dr H were not related but they did know each other and were friends on Facebook. So the first time meeting him in his actual office for a therapy appointment, I went by myself and there was a weird lady there too. I do not remember why she was there but I remember her telling me before he came to his office that she was on Testosterone at one point for some reason and when she was “her clit got bigger. Did I want that to happen to me? That’s so weird hehehe” 

First of all, what the actual fuck? I met you five minutes ago and you’re asking me about my genitals. I love how people think that is an appropriate question when finding out I am trans. Anywho, she left and Dr H and I talked asking normal questions and at the end I did bring up my stepmom. He just said “oh you’re *deadbeat dad’s name* kid” yeah sadly.He said he believed I was trans and would write me the letter. I shook his hand and his response was “your hands are so soft. to be a man you need callous’s. go rub your hand on some concrete.” and we left. 

I saw him before my first appointment upstairs to get my prescription for T. Then the following week, the final appointment with Dr H, I saw him before my check up with Dr Jones upstairs. This is where shit hits the fan. My mom came with me because I was uncomfortable. He without my mom in the room yet, told me he had a crush on my stepmom and how she always called him for advice. (Found out later my stepmom hated him and he was not a very good doctor and in general just a creep). My mom came in the room and I was fuming from that. How do I react? She was saying how I thought it was weird my stepmom and him knew each other and he then tells her what he just told me. He then starts making up shit about how I don’t have any trans friends. I then I reminded him of my friend that I was jealous of at the time because he was younger than me and on hormones but I felt bad for him because his mom still called him his birth name. He then asks me “What’s his birth name?” Um IDK. He then tries to get me to tell him this other trans guys birth name. I honestly have no clue nor do I care. Dr H then tells me, “I don’t know you by your *chosen name* I see your chart under *birth name* and that’s your name.” My mom sees how upset I am starting to get and I finally break. I called him an asshole and how much he reminded of my abusive father. He got weirdly calm and asked me to step out so he could talk to my mom privately.

Do I think that was the appropriate response now? Probably not but if that hadn’t happened to me I would not be who I am today. I was just learning that I can fight for myself then and that’s what I was going to do. I was not going to be manipulated any more. He told my mom that I needed to apologize and set up an appointment for the following week. I told my mom I was not going to go to that appointment. We go upstairs for the check up appointment and we have to wait a stupid long time like always and we tell Dr Jones what happened because they are friends. He steps outside and we hear him flip a table outside. A nurse comes in and says he will be a few minutes. So he had a temper tantrum and when he came back said I did not have to see him anymore.

That is the Dr H story but the Dr Jones story is not much better. When I had to come back the next day to initially meet Dr H. He introduced me to another one of his patients, an older trans woman. Come to find out Dr Jones had only really ever dealt with older trans women and I was his first trans man. I am saying this very loudly YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO EDUCATE A DOCTOR ABOUT YOUR CONDITIONS!!! So here is a list of inappropriate things he did:

-Immediately after giving me my T prescription, “Now it’s time to get yourself a strap-on” (I had literally never had a conversation about literally anything with this man and he thinks I am sex crazed or something)

-His staff always would ask would I like a pap smear done every time I came into the office.

-The blood work lady would repeatedly sing my birth name because it was pretty and every time I tried to say that I don’t go by that she would say “well that’s what is on my paper work”

-Tried to hug me and/or weird bro handshake thing every time (I am not a touchy person)

-Gave me a ninja turtle McDonald’s toy because “You’re a boy now” 

-One hurricane we had he laughed and said “oh it’s hurricane you” (i mean yeah it sounded like my name but it was spelled wrong) (not really inappropriate but like serious spell people’s name correctly)

I always felt uncomfortable going to see him and I continued to see him for a year because “yay I was on Testosterone.” He kept telling me that I needed to be more social or he would take my testosterone away. Hello I grew up in a household that I was punished for even asking to go to the store with my father. How the hell do you think I am just casually going to go to LGBT events you keep shoving down my throat. Even then I was not very comfortable being out. He wanted me to be this “flaming queer” and I just wanted to be a teenage boy worried about getting his license. When I graduated it turned into “Do you have a job yet?” And don’t get me started with how upset he was that I was taking a gap year. 

I remember walking up those step each time feeling like my heart was going to fall out of my body. I literally have PTSD from this place. He did sign a letter saying “my body had changed enough and was not going to go back” so I could get my gender marker changed. I had an appointment the day after my name got changed and I was so excited. He literally could not give a shit. I brought my court order and they supposedly changed everything in their system (they didn’t). 

So next time I saw him was six months after that appointment and that would be the last time I saw him. I came in, my name wasn’t changed, I was pissed. I showed my changed license, social, insurance, everything and they STILL DID NOT CHANGE IT. (I still get mail from them in my birth name). This was the first appointment I had to drive separately from my mom. I still made her come with me because I hated that place so very much and was so anxious every time I had to go there. 

So we wait a long time like always and go back. He was finally like “oh you got your name changed” nah really? I had no clue At this time I did have a job and he was like “cool where?” I knew I need to keep some sort of something to myself. So I responded, “The mall.” I mean it’s technically not wrong. He said, “No what store?” I said, “It *in city that’s 30 minutes away*” and he asked a few more times what store and I kept saying it was at the mall. He finally asked, “Why won’t you tell me?” I said, “I don’t have to tell you. I am allowed to keep somethings to myself.” He got weirdly quiet calm too and said go get your blood work done. So my mom and I went and sat waiting for the weird blood lady like always and I feel proud of myself. I stood up for myself. My mom is uncomfortable and Dr Jones walks in and asks my mom (not me MY MOM) am I seeing a therapist. And I wasn’t and he said, “He needs to work on his attitude issues before he sees me again. He needs a therapist before his next appointment or no more Testosterone.” 

I finally felt like my own fucking person. My mom and I waited 5ish more minutes for the weird blood lady. We had talked for months and several occasions of how uncomfortable he made me and how I wanted to find another doctor. I turned to her and said, “I don’t want to come back so why do I have to get my blood drawn?” So we walked down the stairs and for once my anxiety was slipping away. We parked close to each other but I turned around and screamed “FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!” at the building and my voice went numb and it was one of those out of body experiences that just NEEDED to happen. 

I have never felt so liberated doing that. Driving home in separate cars with my mom was really awkward because I knew she was upset with how I handled that but as more and more time goes on from these events I feel better. I am very grateful I am on Testosterone but I would not wish this experience onto anyone. Maybe it was just me mixed with my already existing trauma that made it so bad. I was doing my best and the more I was being forced the more I pushed back. Everyone has their own timeline for milestones and just because you aren’t “normal” doesn’t mean anyone should force you into a normal box. 

Please even if you are going on hormones or anything your sanity is not worth the trauma please find a doctor that understands and doesn’t manipulate you.  I feel bad because “others have it worse” or “you got on T” it is still trauma.  You don’t control what is traumatic to your brain. Just please be careful and if you are uncomfortable, you are allowed to find another doctor

#trans #hormones #ftm #hrt #testosterone #transgender #name change #therapy #bad experience

[strawberryspeachy]

Why do all the americans who come to japan think everything americans do is stupid and romantisize the wag japanese do it??

Horse laugh??? This texan girl really just agreed and called her laugh stupid looking because some fucking japanese girl who values looking docile over letting herself laugh wrote an article making fun of americans laughing

Ugh

How about this. Why do japanese girls cling to their boyfriends like their a dog whos gonna run into traffic if they let go?! If your boys gonna cheat on you, clenching him and glaring at every girl around you isnt gonna stop him.

Why are japanese ok with their school systems not teaching them their full history or about the world. America used to do that and we decided as a population that wed like to know stuff and have been fighting to get more information into our textbooks for decades. Japanese are happy to be brainwashed

Why dont japanese speak their mind and then get upset when they get stressed out over the people around them not being mind readers

Why do japanese bosses give their employees so much work and then wonder why there stressed

Why dont japanese use all the futuristic technology they have. Why is cash still a fucking thing here

Why havent they put in functional road systems instead of keeping it a free for all until an accudent happens

Why dont japanese have actual news systems. Why didnt anyone know what was happening with the typhoon till a day in advance and then only through emergency alerts. In the states we know about hurricans for weeks in advance and the authorities tell high risk places to evacuate days in advance

Why do japanese prefer looking busy over actually getting their work done in advance? Why do they like rushing around and throwing stuff together at the last minute?

Do people in this country actually wanna talk to people or do they just wanna be talked TO?! Walk around any crowded area and you can find groups looking around like they desperately want to be talked to. Ive watched people talk to these people and then the ones whod been onlooking acting so happy - only to cut the conversation short and run away to wait for someone else to talk to them. Or ive watched/experienced them come do the talking and still fucking run away at the end or at least ghost. And ive read all they do is ghost. So what the fuck?

On that note why do japanese push and carry personal conversations along even when they dont wanna talk. Going off that last one ive gotten tired of being ghosted by freaking girls who approach me and have stopped trying. But theyll still try so damn hard to befriend you. Why? And my coworker at school. Try so hard to make you like them - but once you do they never wanna speak again. WHY?!? I had a girl pull me around a club once talking my ear off, she followed me on instagram but never even let me follow her back

Why do japanese men run people down?? And why do they glare at people walking on the wrong side WHILE WALKING ON THE WRONG SIDE?!? Old people too. Why old people always on the wrong damn side - no so sure they but they turn their entire body to watch you go by just to make sure you know theyre watching you.

Like whatever. Asshole old people. Theyre the same globally i think.

But fuck these middle aged japanese men using all the strength in their body to plow people down as they walk. And push througj crowds. Oh was that your foot? Dont care. Im more important.

I already complained about the damn face masks. No one uses them when theyte coughing and hacking all over a crowd - pretty sure theyre just for people to hide their face at this point.

Put. On. Deoderant. Idc how many articles say japanese dont have bad smelling bo - theyre wrong. They do just like every other human.

Um. I guess homophobia is still rampent here? I didnt think so with how all celebrities cross dress at some point in their career but i saw the harajuku ojiisan and walking he parted the overly crowded takeshita street like moses in the red sea. People acted like he was a plague. Not to mention the comments i heard while at school about boys in dresses in general.

I watched one of my teachers limp around for the past three weeks.... and another with a hurt back for a week... they both just have pain killers - meaning the first ones problem shouldnt be so bad that hes limping for 3 weeks+ and he shouldnt be in so much pain. Either the doctor missed something which they shouldnt?! They take xrays? You only get 4 days of medicine before having to return? So the doc should really see that its more serious????? Also. Why is he in pain before his painkiller wears off. Why is japanese medicine SO WEAK?? and why are they still taking guesses at problems when they force xrays for things as simple as a cough

K ive fallen prey to this one cause the clothes are just really cute... but but but lol how come the same clothes are sold in like every store - meaning everyones wearing a slightly different variation of the same clothes. At least young people. Talk about a fashion in fashion out city.

This one isnt at japan for japans sake but. America. Ameica why. Why did i grow up in school for 12 years being told that my school system not only sucks - but that it was easy and we were little bitches for complaining and being stressed out. Laughed at and taunted being told that japanese schools were so far ahead of us. So much smarter. They go to school 6 days a week! Those hardworking japanese!

At least in the school i worked in

1) they dont get hw. American teachers were always all “you need two hours of he a night” but like... 7 teachers said and beleived that

2) they dont have to pay attention. Teachers ignore them not doing work in class - in America that can gets you kicked out of clas

3) they can clown around and disrupt class. In america - to the principals office

4) they have SO MANY EVENTS. Theyre like never in class. We could count our events in america - they were far and few between snd our teachers raged about the missed time and made us learn the shit we missed at home on our own time.

5) they move through material slow. Its fine and all but damn america - making us feel stupid for years when we had new material introduced every week at least and have legit tests every other week

6) they get answer keys to their study books... imagine. Having. An answer. Key??? Before college?? Like🤯 no thats just for the teachers.

7) idk what they do in japanese class but my teacher told me our method of reading a book, analyzing it, and writing a paper for english - is their college level japanese. We start that in elementaryyy schooll - as book reports - in addition to our grammar studies.

8) they come to school on saturday to play sports and then go to some cram school their parent pays for which i cant imagine is too different from what they do at school.

Okok school is stressful and annoying everywhere. And i dont think id be so salty having watched that IFF my school was legit called stupid on a weekly basis while being compared to japanese schools