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itsgoghtime · 1 year

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@nobody33333333 and @sophieswundergarten - here we go again my friends! I have been so excited to share this with you and finally had the time to finish it!!

Chapter 3 of S.O.S. - what a wild ride - literally took me through the seven stages of grief like four times. But honestly, wouldn’t trade any of it for the world because wow - it was such a good chapter and it just keeps getting better from here!

So put on your scuba gear because this chapter post has quite a few thoughts as well!

Spoilers for S.O.S. Chapter 3 : No One at the Wheel ahead!!

This chapter literally DeStRoYeD me emotionally

I mean… just WOW - I have not legitimately shed tears during a fic before, but this... this surpassed all and there were many MANY tears shed.

First initial thoughts - Curtain at his best, enjoying his success (and I’m sure hoping that Nicholas was paying attention) while hiding in his lil safe space. Absolutely hysterical in the sort of way that I see myself.

I adore the nod to the aesthetic beauty that is campus - it really is quite stunning, and I’m sure so much thought went into designing it (in the show and in this fic).

Garrison. I love that she’s on the mend but then knowing what she has to go through even just in this chapter... ouch - I was in a perfect state of ignorance when I first read it

And then we get into Curtain being not only selected as Pedalian’s best man (and his lil negotiation of not doing a speech hehe) but also SQ’s gOdFaThEr mY hEaRt

The line of “Curtain covered up how touched he was at the offer with the same dismissive attitude with which he accepted his role as Pedalian’s best man.” and then saying SQ had “better be well behaved”. AND THEN Pedalian understanding what that means in Curtain language - my heavens friend

I’m trying to remember if it was you, @nobody33333333 , that I was talking to about this - but going back and looking through this reminded me that we don’t know Pedalian’s first name - and for some reason this hit home especially going through Chapter 3. We feel like we know Pedalian, but reading the fic and even watching the show, you get this sense that while Pedalian had a very special friendship with Curtain, that there’s a sense of distance. There’s a sense that you don’t really have the chance to know him because he’s masked behind Curtain’s idea of him. There’s definitely more to it but that’s how much I’ve thought through recently.

Baby SQ has my heart. No questions asked. He thinks of the other S.O.S. members as his family from day one and I just... YES

The stem from “Strange, but also wonderful. As if that part of Curtain that had spent so much time longing for his own family, longing for Nicholas to come back, was finally beginning to heal itself.” and all the ideas surrounding it - his realization that he doesn’t feel jealous or isolated - that acceptance of Pedalian as family, GAHHHHH - as someone who is trying to heal, it helps to see someone have a moment like this where they realize that the present circumstances are alright and that it is safe - and that it’s okay to accept the present as reality without diminishing the experience of the past. It’s just sad that Curtain isn’t able to live in this reality for very long.

Pedalian having to process his wife’s health going downhill and losing some of his initial spark... the line about “they were watching a friend die so fast and yet so slowly before their eyes...” it’s all masterfully written.

Milligan and his wife going on this vacation to the mountains is so something that Kate would enjoy - and knowing their future brings me a simultaneous feeling of sadness and joy.

Can I just say... the foreshadowing of SQ kinda confusing Curtain with his dad - and how he gets excited when he sees him and Curtain’s subsequent telling SQ that he is not his father... GAHHHH there is so much to unpack just from this but to save you from my novel of thoughts in this area, in short, I really like these lines and being able to think about that comparison not only within the future of the fic, but the comparison with their relationship in the show as well.

okay and then the conversation between Pedalian’s wife and Curtain - and recognizing Pedalian’s downward spiral of emotions - connected with the line about Pedalian lighting up at seeing SQ smile - and then “...that was the one time Curtain could see glimpses of his old friend through the melancholy that seemed to surround him on all sides.” my hEaRt

Curtain promising Pedalian’s wife to take care of them... GOOD HEAVENS with the “And he meant it too. Ledroptha Curtain wasn’t the kind of person who broke his promises. That was someone else. Someone long forgotten.” He has truly begrudgingly been taking care of Pedalian - there’s this sense of responsibility and knowing what happens... GAHHH

Pedalian using the Whisperer without safety or supervision... this poor man will do literally anything to save the people he loves - and I feel like a very small portion of this passes to Curtain. The line, as cheesy as it is in the memes going around recently that says “To be loved is to be changed” comes into play here - even if Curtain doesn’t completely change, I think we can see in a couple small, rare instances that he does take this small part of Pedalian with him.

Pedalian doesn’t want SQ to grow up without a family - and while Milligan does bring up this adopted family that they all have with each other, it’s understandable on both sides. ouch.

Going back and reading Pedalian’s goodbye absolutely ripped me to shreds... again - because you can totally see how he’s conveying his goodbye (the HUG, ahhhhhh), and you can see the premeditation of going back to the Whisperer - and the culmination of it all coming back to Curtain hugging him back and being vulnerable - there’s a part of me that is so sad thinking about how it seems that every time this man is vulnerable - while he gets in better control of his narcolepsy - something happens or people leave (Nicholas getting adopted, Pedalian dying, etc) - and the fact that Curtain recognizes this fact... friend...

Finding Pedalian is the next part that was so SO sad. Because at first, Curtain is... well, Curtain. And then the scene progresses and we can see that Pedalian is clearly not okay, and watching Curtain’s progression from “disappointed mom voice” to freaking out because Pedalian is literally shriveling and decomposing - and the whole not being able to stop the Whisperer because it seems to be overheating - AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Pedalian dying was hard enough - but can I just say, being able to kind of read this conversation in sync after reading his wife’s part... my HEAVENS this is so beautifully written and it’s so SAD

There’s a part of me that wanted to laugh at Curtain’s “Go home, drink some water, lay down for a bit.” because of course he would tell someone to process it that way, kinda just saying to get over it - but knowing Garrison’s concern about her inventions and seeing her friend dead next to it, and knowing the guilt that would literally tear anyone apart... and then knowing that Curtain blames himself partly as well... I couldn’t bring myself to laugh.

Ripping the phone receiver off the wall and across the room - I can see his frustration but there is also so much symbolism in this - Pedalian was really the only member of the S.O.S. that Curtain really felt like he could be remotely vulnerable with, the only member that he really considered family - the only member that Curtain seemed to genuinely communicate with. And tearing the phone receiver off the wall seemed to me like the perfect way to convey his processing of Pedalian’s death. He’s not going to openly communicate with his other friends and teammates after this - Pedalian, his method of open communication, or almost his medium, I should say, is gone. Beautiful.

I also think it’s so interesting the lengths that Curtain had to go to in order to keep his facade up. I know the reasoning, but you can just see that panic of trying to pull it all together and not understanding the reason that it all happened but still trying to maintain that front that he has created for the Institute.

The moment that he realizes that Garrison is in trouble... you can really feel the panic - and finding her in the state that she’s in would be absolutely terrifying. That was so well portrayed in this scene - with “Curtain felt as if the world was crumbling around him. He picked her up, grabbed the telephone, and was about to call an ambulance before he realized the full gravity of the situation.” I mean, that would be freaky.

Curtain pacing the hospital hallway is definitely within his character - and with everything that he had been through within that last 18 hours or so, he would be running on adrenaline and guilt. His friend has just passed, and now his other friend is in danger too - that would be quite the burden to carry.

I’m so curious as to why Garrison is afraid of rehab centers - but I can also understand that she’s been dealing with that issue for years, and that would be quite the emotional task to admit you need that level of help - and knowing the judgement that some people dish out... but I also think she may have a past experience from one either from herself, or from someone she knew and that’s why she’s afraid.

“’She should consider herself lucky to have a friend like you... You got here just in time. Saved her life, really.’” ouchhhhhhh BUT you can also see where Curtain may begin to see her as in debt to him - and that may have fed into his treatment of her as time passes, especially considering that he really expresses that sort of authority and moral high ground later on. He saved her life. Not the other way around.

Curtain totally ignoring the doctor’s “you need therapy” speech - that’s understandable but totally plays into his life later. I think it’s so interesting with this context that he becomes a self-help guru in season two but can’t get it to work on himself... there’s some irony there for sure.

Having all this emotion going on - I, myself almost forgot about SQ - which must have been so hard if you think about it, especially when SQ calms down when Curtain takes him - he’s not even listening to the nurse but the line of “He prided himself in being the type of person who could handle a crisis, but after losing two friends, nearly losing another, and now being thrown this responsibility all in one day, he felt himself reaching his breaking point.” this one was just... you can really feel for him - but you can also see how this really puts him on the trajectory for what he’s doing which is also really sad.

I am just so curious as to where Curtain learned the one handed hold of a child - did he watch Pedalian and his wife often enough, did he babysit SQ often, did he just have to get used to doing things one handed as a scientist... idk I just like to speculate but that line that I highlighted made it sound like he’s done this before.

The absolute shock learning that the cancer was taken by Pedalian and that his wife was 100% cured... I had to put the phone down for a minute. That was a big deal. Curtain recognizes it too, it’s a scientific breakthrough especially because it’s still really just in testing mode. Him asking if the autopsies were switched was definitely a thought that had crossed my mind - it’s happened before in other pieces of literature or stories or even real scenarios. I think it was almost more of a shock to find out that they hadn’t been switched. Again, that’s a very significant scientific breakthrough. Just... wow.

I can understand why he has them make up fake autopsies, but it is just something kinda funny to add to the list of things Curtain has/will do to maintain his facade. Chuckled a little bit at that one.

Again, I think it’s kinda hilarious that he just seems to have this second nature with SQ - it’s endearing in some sort of way but it kinda makes you sad when you think about how this sort of endearing behavior doesn’t act as a catalyst for more affection later and that their relationship doesn’t... really develop.

AND THEN Curtain realizing that Pedalian had said goodbye... that would be absolutely awful to process. And then he ties it to Nicky... my HEART - he then breaks down crying and honestly, I would too - that is just... so much to deal with.

Now we have the context for “No One at the Wheel” and I literally screamed through this part - partly out of joy and partly out of pain because it makes so much sense. I just want to put that line here because it can never be said enough, it’s so well written: “He felt like he was watching a bus full of children, with no one at the wheel, roll steadily but swiftly down a steep hill towards a cliff. And as much as he desparately wanted to stop it, to do anything to stop it, all he could do is stand there and witness the inevitable. Watch as innocent people died before hie eyes. Watch as everyone he loved left in one way or another.” I don’t feel like there’s much else to say - this is a symphony of words and I just... I love it. I can see the symbolism, I can see the reasoning behind it, and that last part about watching the people he loved leave... that one hit home.

I can completely understand his emotion in that next paragraph - “As selfish, impractical, and childish as Curtain knew it was, he was angry. Angry at all of them for abandoning him and angrier at himself for feeling like he needed any of them in the first place. It was unfair. Everything was out of control. And there was no one to help him stop it.” and then we get this line “Nathaniel Benedict was alone again.” I just lost it with these two. Kinda like I said in that review of the first chapter - even before we really got into the plot - as someone who is trying to heal, I really needed to read this. I get it. And this put it into words.

I want to say I was surprised that he had another narcoleptic seizure, but I’m not. That would take a lot of energy and admittance of emotion to go through what he’s been through this entire chapter. The line about “How had he been so careless? He had allowed himself to feel for a moment - only a moment. And in doing so, he had nearly broken another promise to his friends. The promise to protect their son.” that one hurt but you can see his ideology about supressing his emotion and his care for his friends.

poor lil SQ - you just want to hold that kid, ya know?

Can I just say, I can really appreciate Curtain’s fatherly instincts in these next scenes, and just wish that he hadn’t been so preoccupied with taking over the world so that SQ could have had that side of him more.

oh my heavens the lines about SQ knowing he was being given away, and his subsequent reaching for Curtain and calling him “Da” absolutely broke me

Curtain’s “Don’t look at me like that.” and the business mode “This is for your own good... It’s only for a few months, and then I’m sure Wetherall and his wife will take you in. They love kids and have always wanted a big family. You’ll be happier there, and you’ll be better off without me. I’m sorry your father learned that the hard way.” AND “Again, I’m not your father.” - this feels like the opposite of Luke Skywalker finding out Darth Vader was his dad - like if he went to Vader and was like “You’re my father” and Vader was like “Nah dude”

Baby SQ - he just has my heart in his tiny hands and his tears could fill an ocean. And Curtain recognizing his smile that reminds him so much of Pedalian and of Nicholas, and telling him “It’s not that I don’t want you... It’s me, not you. I wouldn’t know how to be a good parent.”

I also really appreciated the loopholes and stipulations that I’m sure Curtain has gone through to decide how to best deal with and simultaneously hide his narcolepsy.

And then the way that he talks about Nicholas... oh my gOoD gRaCiOuS - that’s why it looks like a small intestine with the highlights on that one - I just loved how you wrote all of that. I can’t even pick favorite parts of it. It goes through everything that I think Curtain would really - deep down - think about Nicholas. Talking about his disappointment as Nicky began suppressing his laughter. How he loved his smile. Calling Nicky an angel. His thinking that “someone as kind and loving as his perfect brother didn’t want him, couldn’t love him.” GAH - and trying to make that connection to SQ, telling him that Nicholas would have loved him... and then his tears. I just CAN’T - my hEaRt

OHMY GOOD GRACIOUS - and then his apology - I don’t know how you came up with this but this is just... straight from the heart, I swear. It’s just... you can see how he blames himself but is trying to keep that benevolence that he talks about. That hit home. And the “you paid the price for it.” to SQ... geez ya know, we just couldn’t catch a break this chapter - but it’s so beautiful.

The highlight page with the heart - again, cannot choose a favorite part. Curtain is really just this hurt and broken and lost person - I don’t condone his actions, because you shouldn’t control the world through their minds cause that’s wrong, but I can understand his emotions.

lil SQ - cannot and will not ever get over him. It’s like, I’d want to adopt him too. Who wouldn’t? and then it capstones with Curtain’s line - “Well, now you know the truth about me. I’m a monster who drives everyone I love away, and I’m... I’m the reason you lost your birth family. Do you still want me as a dad?” and the lil curling into Curtain and clinging to his jacket... this kid has my heart. Curtain’s reluctant “Fine... but just for tonight.”

Again, where in the world did Curtain’s affectionate fatherly instincts go later? The moment where he kisses SQ’s forehead and tells him goodnight had my heart... that man had potential to really actually be a really good father. Granted, there are definitely moments in the next few chapters where that part of him kinda shines through and brings me so much joy - but as time goes on, I think he suppresses that more and it’s sad.

———

Overall, this chapter had my heart open like a can of mandarin oranges. I just absolutely loved how it was written, all the different things that had so much meaning - this is a masterpiece.

I think I really began to realize at the end of this chapter that the both have their found family. Nicholas currently has his found family - we can see that in books and in the show. But after reading this chapter, I love the parallels between them both. Curtain has his found family as well - and it all accumulates in SQ at the end.

This is just... like I have stated before, this is everything to me. Hopefully my next updates won’t take as long - I’ve compiled all the highlights into their respective groups so it should be easier to put together!

#my friends are so talented #my good gracious #this has brought me an infinite amount of joy #again sorry for how long this post is #but all the thoughts are here #and I'm excited to hear yours!!#love you all!#the mysterious benedict society #tmbs #sos #sos chapter 3

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winterlovesong1 · 2 years

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Winter Rewatched Nancy Drew

Welcome to my first rewatch of my current favorite comfort show ❤️ Under the cut are my thoughts and a few insights I hope you enjoy - I’ll be going through each episode and posting these periodically with the tag winter rewatched Nancy Drew.

2x14 The Siege of the Unseen Specter

Onto my unofficial section - the unpacking of the episode title -

We love a multi layer title here in this house and this one is no exception - it’s the isolation of Nancy and her unseen specter - this episode pushing her to the brink with her and the leech that’s attached itself to her back, making her feel more alone, and desolate, and questioning every decision and every move because it all feels wrong - it all feels like she’s going against the grain of who she is but at the same time she can’t help it - it’s like she knows the dark waters are dangerous but she swims toward them, deeper down, and can’t be stopped.

It’s the capture of opinions and biases - those unseen specters if you will - and pushing those to the brink - exposing them - showing them in the light and unequivocally saying change needs to happen.

And then it’s also George, it’s also Ace this episode, both literally inhabited by a specter - and trying to seize what is going on and how can we solve it.

Overall MVP

Nick and Nancy definitely owned this episode. And the actors respective performances were outstanding.

Most Heartfelt Moment

I love when the unlikely pairings of this show get showcased and the George and Ace of it all just filled my heart with so much joy. Yes, Ace was inhabited by a spirit for the majority of the episode, but that hug and honest, vulnerable conversation at the end - oh my goodness. I cried. Already in an emotional state, that hug and George being open to say to her friend please just don’t tell anyone and Ace, of course, having the integrity to accept. Their friendship is something so pure - because they are sort of the outliers - they are the friend of the friend arguably. But sometimes that “friend of the friend” can be your most trusted friend - they are the ones that can be the most honest with you - and you feel comfortable being open with them because they don’t have the bias or preconceived notions that come with being your best friend.

Best Overall Line

Ok, you can guess from my writing style I love a simple, yet profound moment and this episode had so many. Scattered amongst the monologues and deep unpacking, there were quiet moments that really resonated with me.

Tamura: “I wasn’t here then.” Nick: “You’re here now.” It’s not about whether you were present in the past. It’s about the action you take in the moment, in the now. It’s also not dismissing it because you weren’t there. You’re here now. So what now?

Nick: “Please. Please, just tell us the truth.” I cried. Tunji slayed. Just the emotion - the plea - behind asking, begging for the truth. I can’t...

Nancy: “Are you ok?” Nick: “No” And then this - I cried harder. Even it’s toward the end, after the resolution, or quasi resolution because there’s really no finality to this episode, there’s just an ending, which mirrors this dialogue in a way. It’s a question and rather than your typical tied up with a ribbon answer, it’s the opposite - it’s the truth - as alluded to earlier - and it’s no, actually I’m not ok. None of this is ok. Again, crying...

Best Comedic Moment

Most of the comedy fell in the scope of Aunt Mei and while this line is funny, I also think it’s also poignant- which isn’t that life? The humorous and the serious intermingling in a concoction of wonder and truth.

“It’s not a path if it doesn’t go anywhere. It’s a hole in the ground.”

Scare Rating

I mean, with the social commentary, I’d say arguably scarier than any supernatural ghosts.

Side Note: I love when a supernatural show can bring some weight to real life happenings - you think oh fun show with ghosts, they can’t do this...but they do - and Nancy Drew does it pretty well in my opinion - it’s still a teen show so nothings perfect, but still...

Nace Slow Burn Rating

I always watch these episodes and go “oh this is THIS episode” and this was no exception - however my second thought going into it that I want to note in this section was “ok, but where’s my Nace locked in one room episode season four?”

So, Nace are kept apart for most of the episode, but I think that makes the ending when they are briefly together, the seperated, all the more poignant.

This episode deals with unpacking those unseen things, those ideas or notions that crawl beneath the surface and influence our behavior and our opinions. And what a strategic theme to utilize in this back half of season two, the later half of the season in a post I couldn’t lose you world, post dangling off a ledge, post seeing each other with their corresponding persons they are dating and noticing, hmm, all those intense feelings that rushed up in a heated moment of panic and fear, yeah, those are pretty real and stagnant and don’t seem to be going anywhere. So yes, let’s unpack those unseen things and really examine what’s going on.

Nancy has lost herself completely. She’s adrift and even with last episode’s I just want to know you’re ok reach out on Ace’s part, it didn’t matter, she already pre-dismissed his worry, already calculated she didn’t need his help.

No matter how much she wants it. Because she’s not really deciding here...is she...

And as the pastor says at the end of the episode, “doesn’t seem like you” - it’s just another person showing a mirror up to Nancy saying what she’s been feeling. That she’s disappeared. But how? The mystery is, she doesn’t know - why or how to return to shore.

And then we have Ace who’s working through is own identify (really what the whole season is about) and so it’s comical yes he gets inhabited by a ghost, but it’s also just another layer in the who you are saga.

So with someone who’s asking a lot of questions of himself and the other who really is searching for where she went wrong, when they come together in the end, it’s him trying to be strong, to put up a front from all the occurred in the past two episodes, and say, let’s just make this moment great, let’s smile and hold her close and maybe that will be enough.

Being here will be enough.

But then she retreats because the comfort and ease of the moment are too much, they cut against the grain on her skin and she can’t - she can’t be here with him - with her family and friends - and act like everything is ok.

Not when she feels like falling apart.

Not when every decision she makes feels like the wrong one and yet she can’t help but say yes to them all.

Not when she’d rather make one wish on her birthday and have that wish come true.

I think we are above a rating system now but for argument sake, 10/10.

Favorite Fashion Moment

If I didn’t give it to Aunt Mei’s glasses, I mean…the shame…

Also I love when Ace wears his short sleeve shirt over the long sleeve - that man’s got some fashion choices and we love it.

Missing Moment Drabble

Posted here

#winter rewatched nancy drew #nace #tv: nancy drew

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kyrajanemontenegro · 2 years

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The person I’m writing this to isn’t ever going to see it, at least not here. Maybe soon I’ll find a way to word it that I’m okay with her seeing. But for now, it’s going here for safe keeping.

Dear Mentor,

I truly don’t understand why you’re friends with me. I don’t mean that in a self-deprecating or “oh, how can anyone possibly want to be friends with me” kind of way. I work hard at being a good friend and I know that my friends enjoy me and my presence in their lives. But you’re an anomaly to me. With my other friends, there is a fairly equal give and take (or as equal as it gets when I’m the initiator in the group). But with you, I simply can’t fathom what you could get out of the relationship we have. You are a role model and a mentor to me, and fifteen years my senior, whereas I am technically still a teenager and barely out of high school. I know that our interactions can’t be equal. While I come away feeling built up and supported, you’ve been the one building and supporting. The only things I can think of that you have gotten out of our friendship are the physical items I’ve given you, and I know that they are no where near as important and the emotional and spiritual support you give me. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why you care so much. I know why your sister cares, it’s basically her job. As my youth leader, she has an obligation to check in on me and my well-being. You have no such obligation, and yet you do so more than she does. You’ve said that you wish you had more to give in this season, but I don’t think you truly understand how much you have already given me. You are under no obligation to care, apart from in a vague, distant, sister-in-Christ manner, and yet you make such an effort and invite me and include me and call me a friend. In this time where my ever present relationship with my sister is wavering, you are a sister to me. As I reach the age where I struggle to take correction and advice as easily from my mother, you are maternal. You’ve learned my love languages and made an effort to show affection through them. You are a single parent and a teacher and so active in the church, and yet you make time to talk to me, to give me a hug, to remind me that you care, always. When I first asked if you wanted to go get a cup of coffee with me, I didn’t expect this. I was scared of rejection or you saying yes out of a sense of duty, but you responded with enthusiasm and specific details and have continued to do so throughout our friendship. You have cried with me in my grief and celebrated with me in my joys, and you have prayed with and for me through it all. I cannot tell you how much it means to me, or how many times your kind words have steadied my heart in a dark moment. But in all of this I still don’t understand why. It doesn’t surprise me that you are an amazing mentor, or even that you’ve chosen to give of yourself in yet another way, it just surprises me that you picked me out of all the girls both in and out of our church. I am so blessed to have you in my life. Your gentle guidance and resource recommendations and simple encouragement have done wonders for my heart health. So I don’t understand it, but I am grateful nonetheless.

Sincerely, Your Mentee

#letters to my mentor #someday I'll tell her this

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rockingrobin69 · 2 years

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This is my @drarrymicrofic wheel of Drarry exchange present for the lovely, talented @flightytemptress27! It’s vaguely the friends to lovers you requested? Based on the Enchanted Forest event in Pitlochry. Thank you @callmegri for the help! 1k, fluff, pining and lights!

This was such a mistake. Harry knew it as soon as they arrived at the forest; the first string of fairy lights made it abundantly clear. It illuminated Draco’s face just so, and the way his eyes lit up – the way his lips curled around the edges, his whole face softening – spelled clear and absolute doom for Harry. He was an idiot for suggesting they go here, just the two of them. He was an idiot for thinking he could possibly handle this. Draco’s smile, now in full bloom on his lips, made him regret every decision he ever made in his life.

Because how was he meant to stop himself from saying it?

They’ve been circling the words for months. Harry’s tongue occasionally slipping made him adopt some views he never thought he will: he apparently loves raspberry-swirl ice cream now, loves ‘The Matrix’, loves a cloudy day. And no, he wasn’t just pointing at random things, Draco! He just felt very passionately about bicycles all of a sudden. Yes, he didn’t know how to ride them. Still, he loved the goddamned things.

And here – with the air so cold moving made it crackle, with the lights all around the trees, with the occasional cry of wonder from the other visitors – with Draco glowing, glowing, surrounded by the smell of freshly fallen leaves and loveliness – really. Harry was a strong man, but not this strong. He was going to make a blunder. He was going to spill it, and ruin everything, the careful friendship they worked so hard on, and life will go back to being the dark, horrible wasteland it was before Draco came and saved him.

“How did you find out about this place?” Draco asked suddenly, startling Harry out of breath. He gulped a few times before he could answer.

“Erm, Lavender. She and Parvati come here every year. She said about the lights and all, and, I dunno. I thought you’d like it.”

“Are you joking?” Draco turned back to him, his whole face open with joy, and Harry had to push both hands in his pockets. Not because they were nearly freezing, but because they were itching to touch. “Harry, I… this is perfect.”

It was, damn it. Absolutely perfect. Harry could not tear his eyes away from Draco’s.

“I’m glad you like it.”

Draco grabbed his elbow, quite literally beaming. “Walk with me?”

As if Harry had a choice. They made their way through the forest slowly, stopping at every light feature. Harry was still a little short of breath, mind only half-working with how close Draco was, with how he was touching him. He didn’t dare say a word the entire time, fearing he might break whatever spell they were under.

“Enchanted Forest, you said?” Draco pulled him closer to let a group of Muggles by, all chatting excitedly and snapping a million pictures. “It truly feels that way, doesn’t it? And without any magic involved.”

Harry forgot what magic was at that particular second. He forgot what anything else could possibly mean: only Draco, right there, where Harry could feel his warmth. His face must have been a couple of inches away. The mist from their breathes mixed, joined.

“I’m going to tell everyone about this event,” Draco said, his voice still so soft it made Harry ache all over. “Maybe next year we could take the people from the shelter. I bet the drive here would be beautiful too, especially in autumn. What do you think? It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

“I love it.”

Harry didn’t understand why this remark – surely less controversial than ‘Yeah, I do actually love that awful smelly cheese with the name I can’t pronounce’ – earned that deep a silence. Draco blinked at him a few times.

“What… what was that?”

“I said I love it. The idea. It’s great.”

Draco shook his head, the tiniest movement. “That’s not what you said.”

“N-no? What did I say, then?”

Slowly, almost in awe, Draco’s face came even closer. A gloved hand emerged from his expensive jacket to cup Harry’s cheek. “Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?” but he knew, he knew, and god, what a mistake, what a terrible and dreadful thing to do to his best friend, to the one person he never wanted to hurt again, to the one man he’d do anything for –

“Harry.” Draco's other hand found its way to Harry’s face too. “Come back to me. Did you really mean it?”

“What, that I love you?” he sighed, too tired and heartbroken to play pretend. “Of course I do, Draco. God. Of course. Not like anyone can miss it. I’m so in love with you I didn’t even see one single light here, okay? All I could see tonight was you.” His heart pounded, heavier with every second of silence. Until –

“You fucking wanker,” was what Harry thought he heard. But that felt impossible, for in the next second Draco was kissing him, warm and desperate and mad.

“Wait,” Harry tried to pull away, “wait, wait, what are you…” but he gave up, gave it all in this kiss, clinging to Draco not just for his warmth and not just because he’s been dying for it, literally, it felt, but because he could.

It may have been heaven, actually, except for how cold it was. When Harry finally broke apart for some air, his smile was so wide it hurt. Draco looked just as happy, tousled, bright eyed and pink cheeked and lovely enough to light up Harry’s heart like a Christmas tree. Who cared about an enchanted forest, when he had this? His enchanting Draco?

“I have so many questions,” Draco laughed, giddy and dear. “But first things first. Do you love me more than raspberry-swirl ice cream?”

Harry pulled him into his arms, unwilling to spend another second not touching. Then he Apparated them both back to his house, breathless and excited out of his mind. They could come back to the forest tomorrow, or next week, or next year. Didn’t really matter right now. Harry had enough light inside to last them a lifetime.

#drarry #fic #wheel of drarry exchange #lights #pining #fluff #a gift #enchanted forest #it runs every autumn #and it's absolutely lovely #Draco Malfoy #Harry Potter #RockingRobin69

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chainofclovers · 3 years

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Ted Lasso 2x10 thoughts

GOOD GOD.

“No Weddings and a Funeral” is like being hungover but also coming out of a hangover. Having a terrible cold but also feeling better and appreciating every breath that comes through your nose. Embarking on an organizational project and accidentally falling into a photo album and crying about the pictures and organizing almost nothing tangible but making a few things more clear in your brain.

So much of this episode is about the AWFUL POINTLESSNESS OF DECORUM. How loud is too loud when you’re drinking stolen wine and shrieking about sex in a church right before your father’s funeral? How should you feel--thirty years later, as an accommodating, anger-averse person--about having been too angry to attend the funeral for your father who killed himself? What expression should you make when you show up really late to a different funeral? Why must you wear uncomfortable shoes just because someone died? What happens in your mind between standing up to give a eulogy for a man you’re still angry with and choosing to Rick Roll your mom and everyone else as an act of complicated love, humiliatingly incomplete until someone else starts to sing? Should you worry about your therapist seeing your normally tidy flat in a full-on state of depression mess? Is it okay to be offended that your boyfriend is so uncomfortable about death that he can’t stop making morbid jokes? Should you care about other people caring that you’re crunching an apple in church or squealing with joy to be reunited with a friend you’ve not seen in awhile? Are you obligated to explain your behavior if your kid doesn’t understand how you could stay with someone unfaithful? How far behind the counter should you sink when your [undefined relationship person]’s mother has just let you know she can see your dick through your underwear? Is a funeral reception an okay place to find a hookup? Is a funeral reception a decent spot for a break-up? Is a funeral reception a good time for a love confession when you know the person you’re confessing to is happy with someone else? And who do you make eye contact with when you can’t look directly at the person asking you if you’re okay when there’s so, so much about you she doesn’t know yet? Even if--for this tiny little moment within a vast swath of many okay and not-okay moments--you’re honest when you tell her that you are?

I fucking adored this episode because it answers all these questions very simply: Show up. Show up for yourself. Show up for your friends. Try not to harm yourself. Try not to harm your friends.

I love that this episode is about the messiness of adulthood and the things we bring with us from childhood and that it takes place partially in Rebecca’s childhood bedroom, and in Ted’s childhood memories. Dwelling in those places (whether physically or mentally) isn’t an automatic recipe for regression, but it does get everyone closer to the things that made them who they are, to the unresolved and half-buried parts of them that still make them tick today.

Forever obsessed with every single detail about Rebecca’s childhood bedroom.

Forever obsessed with Deborah’s decision to Rick Roll herself every single morning of her life.

Forever obsessed with Rebecca’s decision to Rick Roll her father’s funeral as a way to not have to make up a single word about her father and to do something very vulnerable and kind for herself and her mother and everyone.

Forever obsessed with Ted’s decision to Rick Roll Rebecca Rick Rolling her father’s funeral.

Forever obsessed with an entire found family backing it up.

I love that it is Isaac’s leadership that ensures every single member of the team attends the service for Paul.

I am very, very interested in Jamie’s love confession to Keeley because I do think it will spark some reflection in Keeley but I do not think it’ll go the cliched love triangle route.

Each scene with Rebecca and Sam struck (for me, a human being sharing a subjective perspective on the internet) the tender-awkward-beautiful-stressful chord I was hoping it would. I think it’s wonderful that Sam is honest with Rebecca about how difficult it is to keep their relationship a secret, and I love that Rebecca has a million mostly-unarticulated reasons for why she’d much prefer the secret to continue. I like that Sassy, Keeley, and Nora respond to the revelation as friends; they might be tempering their judgments in part because they’ve all gathered to bury Rebecca’s dad, but I don’t think their reactions would’ve been that different even on a happier occasion.

While there are a million and one different reasons why a continued relationship between Rebecca and Sam could cause serious ethical problems, I really love that when people share big news on this show, the people who care about them generally react by trying to see why the person is doing what they’re doing. Doesn’t mean they shouldn’t also hold each other accountable, but in my book it’s OK that Keeley’s first reaction was to feel happy that her friend is having some fun.

Also everyone has been making weird judgment calls this season, and this episode felt like a moment of real breakthroughs in terms of people telling the truth about things that happened to them and leaving themselves open to honest responses from others.

September 13, 1991. It’s so tenderly, beautifully, overwhelmingly meaningful that there’s still so much Ted and Rebecca don’t know about the things they have in common in these parallel lives they’re leading. The scene between Sarah Niles and Jason Sudeikis is so beautifully acted, and so is the scene between Hannah Waddingham and Harriet Walter. The way they intertwine to communicate that Ted and Rebecca basically lost the ability to trust their fathers simultaneously, from an ocean away? In the hands of lesser storytellers, it would feel too perfect a mirroring, but here it feels heartbreakingly imperfect. All the things they still don’t know. All the questions they try to ask each other. All the things they don’t dare ask yet. And then the storytellers are holding a candle up to all of it and letting the audience bask in the glow of this connection even if Ted and Rebecca can’t fully understand it yet.

I am so proud that Rebecca and Deborah were able to embark on the beginnings of a conversation about the ways Deborah and Paul’s relationship might have resembled or not resembled Rebecca and Rupert’s. It feels possible that they could get to a point where Rebecca truly internalizes her mother’s pride that she broke a cycle by leaving Rupert, and could maybe even understand why her mother made the choices she made. I love that in the final scene, they’re still relying on their old mother-daughter conversational patterns—the frustrations, the snippy shorthand, the passive-aggression. Mothers and daughters!

I am also proud that Ted—albeit via a joke about Sharon charging him for the house call—indicates that he understands the value of Sharon’s work. He’s changed a lot, all in realistic ways for someone who loves learning and really does want to meet people where they are and appreciate them. I’m very moved that instead of putting himself in a real harmful situation by showing up to the funeral on time at any cost, he did what he needed to do to take care of himself and accept care from someone else. And then Sharon’s suggestion that he think about things he loved about his father? And the way he’s able to share a positive memory of Rebecca’s own father at a time when she really needed it? Gosh.

Awkward, undecorous transition from 1991 to present-day incoming...but SASSY! She’s just, like, a whirling dervish of loyal friendship and not giving a fuck and penis size discussions and being casually, delightfully cruel to Rupert, who so deserves it. Rebecca was going on a real face journey when Sassy goes off with Ted at the end, and I’m sort of *eyes emoji* about all of that, but I continue to feel like Sassy is the most imperfectly wonderful friend-from-the-past kind of person and I love everything she and Nora get to do in this episode.

Keeley saying “That baby is whack” might be my favorite line in the episode? Maybe the whole show? Not really but really.

FUCK YOU, RUPERT. Bex and Diane, y’all are fine. And I truly feel for Nate...whatever scheme he’s getting suckered into. Whatever insecurity Rupert is preying on. I want Nate to go to therapy, too.

I feel like it was an unpopular opinion at the time, but I loved Rebecca’s 2x1 revelation about vulnerability and fear of getting hurt and needing to let someone love her. Sassy doesn’t always word things in the most nuanced way, but I think there’s a real possibility that she did ask Rebecca to really consider what it means to feel either safe or unsafe with a person but to know that in either circumstance, that person could end up causing her pain. Standing in that closet with Sam, managing to make it clear that she’s not asking for a break because she knows he will hurt her but because she has to figure out how to be with a wonderful person who could cause her pain...the growth, man. Makes me emotional.

I emerged from this episode feeling, of course, stunned by all the amazing parallels and revelations and beautiful acting and Rick Rolls and just, everything. I also emerged feeling sad/raw/tender because messiness and decorum and growth and coping mechanisms and death and dramatic irony and not knowing things about people and not knowing what you don’t know...it’s a sad, raw, tender place to be.

To quote a guy who got a whole sitcom (lol) named after him, life is real hard.

#ted lasso #ted lasso s2 spoilers #meta by me #ted lasso 2x10 #a lesbian watches ted lasso #lotta feelings in here y'all #cw suicide

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mrsmorality · 3 years

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so, the best books i’ve read in my whole life so far:

- captive prince [trilogy]: of course i have to debut the list with them (even if the order of the books doesn't match my order of preference). it was simply the first that came to my mind, so commendable and memorable is the story. if you haven't read it yet, do it NOW. the best enemies to lovers of all the time, with a development worthy of a round of applause and a strong and supportive relationship on both sides. yes, captive prince. you know you’ll always be on my mind!

- the song of achilles: yeah. i could never forget this one. is the most realistic love story i have ever laid my eyes on, full of obstacles and sacrifices. i really liked what the author did here, abandoning the historical narrative that achilles and patroclus were just friends or even relatives. she gave a whole new meaning to the story, never failing to keep the original line. there isn't ONE thing about this book that doesn't fill my eyes. the best childhood best friends to lovers, showing their relationship since they were just friends in childhood, to the blossoming of feelings that went beyond fraternal affection, and the way they handled it as they grew up. it's beautiful. i really love it

- all for the game [trilogy]: i mean. of course this story could never be missing from my favorites list. what i like the most about the story is what's hidden behind the relationship between the characters. their feelings aren't obvious and usual, and if you're looking for a light story, this isn't for you. it's all heavy: the way they relate to each other, the way they deal with their own problems, their pasts. they’re broken people trying to put the pieces together, trying to figure out what to do with the glue they were offered. even so, they still find room in their minds to care (in distorted, but still, care) for their friends, teammates, lovers, and family members; they still protect each other, like one big dysfunctional family. everything about this book is not in the narrated words, but in what lies behind them: what lies behind each moment, each pause and each action. it is obvious, but subliminal, almost hidden. i love it. really. the complexity behind each character, his shaken psyche -- it's all breathtaking, it's all about keeping the attention. it can be hard to get past the first few pages but, man, once you do it's impossible to stop. also enemies to lovers

- the raven boys [tetralogy]: ok so i don't have enough words to describe or synthesize all my feelings for this book. i love every part of it: from the first sentence, that introductory line, to the last, the laudable ending. the story is impeccable, as is the plot on which it is based. the development of a course of action as well as the characters' relationship and their own conceptions of themselves and the world are simply things that appeal to me. the characters are amazing, real and liveable, and the bond of friendship they share is enviable. their love relationships, even if they're not all the book talks about, are breathtaking and make your heart flutter and melt. the key to the story is also hidden behind the action of the characters, behind silent cares and concerns, but there, always present. i love adam and ronan. i love how their relationship developed (friends to lovers), the patience with which it was structured, building slowly, before your eyes, under your nose -- but you didn't see it until the characters' feelings became more obvious to themselves and to each other, and began to submerge and overflow through every paragraph, every line of thought. it's beautiful. it's absolutely beautiful.

- autoboyography: this is among the books that came to me at an opportune time, so i have a huge connection to this story. it wouldn't be here if it didn't deserve it, and it does; this story is about love, about accepting it, and about reconciling that love, such a vital part of you, with religion and ingrained prejudices. it's a story you versus the world, you versus what you thought you were, what you wanted to be. it's about accepting that about yourself, so that you can be true to yourself, to the people you love. in the process, people who say they love you back will not always support your discovery or encourage your self-acceptance. this book is also about how we have to accept ourselves, regardless of what others think about it, because their opinion, however important, should never be everything, or overshadow your own opinion, your own wishes and desires. love is in innate acceptance, or at least the quest for understanding. it is in the understanding that the person is what he is, and that should be applauded, rather than just tolerated or ignored. this should be encouraged and cause for joy. you should never stop being who you are because of other people’s opinion, as long as you feel comfortable showing it. this book is about self-discovery and tolerance, in a world that represses the first and fakes the second. strangers to friends to lovers.

- we are the ants: this book is not a novel, although there is the development of one in the backstory. this book is about dealing with mishaps, with veiled depression, with a lack of faith and hope not just in the world around you, but in yourself. self-doubt is the worst thing, the most discouraging thing. if you don't believe in yourself, don't think yourself worthy of happiness or good things, how will you appreciate the world and how will you accept such things when it offers it to you? this book is a great journey. reality is behind every moment and bad and hopeless thought represented in every paragraph, but the journey continues, day after day, through the feeling that there is more in the world than what you are experiencing, that things can be better tomorrow. in friendships and in love lies a little willpower that recharges you for another day, for another obstacle that can bring you down (and that's okay. we fall and get up day after day, and that's okay), but not even that and it all. you must believe in yourself to fully revitalize yourself, to keep your feet on the ground and stand firmly on your feet, no matter how hard the world tries to bring you down. this book is about choices and the lack of it. it is about pain and depression, which is not always obvious, which you are not always aware of. it's about everything and nothing. it's about getting up after successive falls, when all you wanted was to stay on the ground. it doesn't matter if your legs are shaky when you get up, or if, as soon as you get your balance back, the world hits you and knocks you down again. keep getting up. as long as you are alive, you can still choose and try to realize how you want to live, what you want to be. nothing is definitive. bad feelings don't last forever (not even the good ones). life is cyclical, but with good company, a few glances at the bluish or gray sky, feelings that rise in your chest, discovering things you've never experienced, the wind in your hair -- things you never cared or paid attention to, minimal things, but that keeps you -- it's worth every takedown. strangers to friends to lovers

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tetrakys · 3 years

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About Uncoven...

I said I would not make posts about Uncoven (other than replying to asks) and I didn’t. But the game is now out and I gave it a chance so that I could make an informed opinion. Because yes, I’m the first to admit to have been biased from the beginning due to the whole Priya/Koori misandry situation, but I tried to be fair and take an actual look before making my final judgement on it. Here are my thoughts:

The MC

The main complain about Nyx the MC so far is that they are of male sex and non-binary gender, so then usual Beemoov fanbase has not been able to relate. Also customisation is non-existent and you can only choose between three avatars which are identical except for their clothes and haircut. I personally don’t care too much about this because I don’t self-insert (although I do prefer having a female MC). I can look past this, the problem is just that I don’t like the design at all. Personal taste. I also dislike the fact that their personality is very meek, all their friends are overpowered, and we keep hearing about how cool and perfect their are, while Nyx is the poor lost soul who doesn’t know what they want from life etc etc same old story.

The Characters

Other than Nyx, there are 6 friends. Again, personal taste but I don’t like the art style, as mentioned before they are all presented as perfect with no faults, I don’t know how many times I read how amazing each of them is in the half chapter I played.

They are also VERY stereotyped. Like Silas, for example, is the black fat guy who only talks about food, drinks and partying. Will, the ‘crush’, is the most basic white popular rich boy all the girls swoon for but with nothing really interesting going on for him (apparently). Kristen is the always cheerful extrovert gay best friend. Basically, I’m bored. Oh and there’s also Mavka, the pretty, feminine girl, is clearly one of the writer’s self insert (she even gave her her same birthday), and we keep complimenting her. I don’t like self-insertion, but it feels so icky to me that a writer would make the player compliment and swoon for a character that represents her? Feels like a creepy power move.

Nyx: “Mavka, her musical laugh, her eyes that shine with joy. Her fragile beauty almost makes me want to cry.”

She also seems to be into the only LI, constantly touching and complimenting him, so this looks like a love-rival situation.

The Cost

During the beta, people could get 100 free APs per day meaning reading 50 lines of dialogue for free every day. They must have thought it was too generous because we now get only 70 making up 35 lines (plus you can get 12 additional APs by watching ads). This is worse than Moonlight Lovers where you can read 50 lines per day. I didn’t play the whole episode, but checking with beta testers and other people, it seems that if one were to buy APs, one episode costs between 10-20 euros, the whole game is made up of 7 main chapters + 3 endings, meaning that the monetary equivalent of this game is around 150 euros. (+/- 20 euros I’d say).

Art and Music

I already mentioned I don’t like the characters design, however I absolutely love the backgrounds, I think they are very well made and give charm to a setting that had basically already been recycled from Moonlight Lovers (spooky manor in the woods). Also, the music is beautiful and, together with the animations, really sets the mood. My only issue is that it’s barely at the beginning of the chapter and had no sound other than some effects throughout the game, but maybe it’s a bug that will be fixed, I don’t know.

Gameplay and Writing

This is the part that upsets me the most and ultimately will prevent me from playing this game. Despite Beemoov advertising the game as an otome, this isn’t one, there is only one crush, and the 3 different routes/endings available are: 1 romantic, 1 friendship, 1 solo/personal-power. There are many choices throughout the game, each option leading to one of the endings, it’s exactly the same system as Moonlight Lovers. The problem is... that it’s INCREDIBLY easy, but easy in a really childish way. There is no complexity in this writing, no ambiguity, nothing that makes you pause for a minute wondering oh dang what am I going to pick? I have spent the past two years testing ML and literally LOSING MY MIND trying to figure out the routes. Yes, it was difficult, and frustrating, but entertaining as hell, and at the end of each route you feel like you have accomplished something. Uncoven is basically the child version of that. Example:

There is no need of guides in this game because there is zero doubt on which path each choice is leading to.

Now, second point about the writing: the romance route is written in a way where Nyx has zero thoughts in their mind other than Will and falling in love. They seem to be completely blind about anything else. And I’ve seen this before, albeit with much better writing: this is Raphael’s bad ending. Eloise used to act exactly in the same way there, with Raphael being her only interest and believing him about everything and following like a puppy. The difference is that was a bad ending for a romance that had 3 options, including a good one where Eloise could be more independent and call out his bullshit. Here there’s no such option unless you want to renounce the romance completely. This is a cautionary tale: there’s gonna be no happy ending with Will as this is a toxic relationship. If you are jumping into this game for romance don’t do it, pick the power route instead, Nyx may end up betraying everyone and taking power for themselves. Much more entertaining than being lectured.

And this brings me to the final point. Yes, again, the blatant misandry: romance = bad, white cis men = bad. I have been showed this rhetoric twice in half chapter already. First, when Will buys groceries for everyone and is mocked for it instead:

and the second is when Rose is telling Nyx that she broke up with her boyfriend with this random assertion out of nowhere

So, here we go, these are my thoughts. I have heard people complaining about other things like the description of magic and wicca (of which I know nothing so I am not in a position to comment on it), or bad representation of poc and queer characters (again, I can’t exactly comment on this, so I’ll leave it to people better informed than me).

All in all, I think the game could’ve had potential if it weren’t for these factors, but I can’t even comment on the plot because between complimenting all the friends, the only thing that happened in half a chapter was a broken mirror. I guess spookier things are going to happen in the future but I won’t see them because my journey with this game ends here. If anyone is going to keep playing please let me know your impressions :)

#uncoven #game review

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that-was-anticlimactic · 3 years

Text

sk8 headcanons because i am Bored

autistic langa likes frozen fruit a lot—strawberries are his favorite—because he likes the cool texture

reki has lip freckles that really stand out after he’s been in the sun a lot ! there’s like four or five of them :)

just thinking about “all those friday nights / under the lights / under the bleachers together / you and i were meant to be something more than a faded memory / till you and i / something divided us” but matchablossom,,,

“but i’ve already lost it once / what i already won / i’ve lost too much now to care / but i know that something’s still there” ,,, matchablossom,,, ahhhhh

miya and shadow being besties,,, shadow being miya’s parental figure and miya being his adopted nb child,,,

shadow being the first person miya comes out as nonbinary to,,,

adam going to jail,,,

reki having a stuffed animal collection and letting miya name some and then realizing that miya never had a stuffed animal growing up so reki gives miya one of his older ones that he loved as a child and then buys them a new one too… and miya asks reki to name it for them because sentiments,,,

after seeing the girl he had a crush on kiss someone else, shadow takes out his feelings on the only thing he knows how to—skating at s but he’s not in a good mind and he feels sick because he thought he thought he thought he had a chance and he doesn’t pay close enough attention and gets hurt and miya calls him an idiot and patches him up and shadow feels like a kid again but it’s kind of nice to have someone else actually help with his wounds instead of just attempting to wash them and then cover them with makeup by himself,,,

joe and shadow bonding over hating the feeling of loneliness so they make up for it the only way they know how which is being loud and being extra because they don’t feel as lonely if they’re loud

reki, miya, and cherry = adhd club

cherry and reki drawing together… and reki teaching cherry how to be more loose and carefree when he draws and cherry teaching reki how to add more structure to his art,,,

langa stealing and wearing reki’s headbands,,,

langa with glasses

reki’s sisters doing cherry and joe’s hair,,, or even reki, langa, and miya doing their hair and shadow just watches and takes pictures and reki puts cherry’s hair in fishtails because he had practice with his sisters and cherry secretly likes it (and so does joe) and miya and langa just. completely messing up joe’s hair and putting hair clips in it and langa attempts a ponytail kind of like how cherry does his hair at s (and no cherry did Not find it very attractive shut up)

shadow being a scrapbooker and having like ten scrapbooks from his life,,,

shadow not being as good of an artist as cherry or reki but he does it because he enjoys it and when cherry and reki find out they invite him to draw with them

the crew / sk8 fam all going to shadow’s house and doing a couple scrapbook pages together and it’s a mess but it’s them and it’s one of shadow’s favorite pages because he’s never scrapbooked with anyone before

langa is just naturally beautiful and photogenic so the art squad always asks him to model for them if they want to draw people

joe has depression because i want him to

and shadow has anxiety

because i do Not want any of them to be neurotypical

yeah so joe has depression, shadow has anxiety, cherry has add and anxiety, miya had adhd and separation anxiety, langa is autistic, reki has tourette’s and adhd and depression ✌🏻

when miya gets old enough, shadow gets them a part time job at the flower shop

miya likes a lot of pillows

langa sleeps with no pillows (unless reki is partially his pillow)

thinking about after reki’s second beef with adam,,, joe after he tells adam off and they’re away from the crowd, he passes out because let’s be real—there is absolutely no way he didn’t get injured and the worse one is probably a broken nose and a huge gash at the back of his head with like skin peeling and stuff like need stitches so the gang all goes to cherry’s and they help patch reki up

somewhere in that time the love hotel gets brought up and by extension getting hit by the car and getting beat up and joe and shadow are on the verge of slamming their heads against the wall at reki’s nonchalantness

and reki’s p injured so he’s laying in the couch with his head resting in langa’s lap,,,

joe tells everyone embarrassing cherry stories from school like all the time (but joe was a foolish child so cherry gets revenge)

miya likes crime documentaries

joe unironically watched supernatural and that’s part of the reason why he and cherry broke up

(maybe joe just thought dean was attractive—sue him!)

lol wait what if cherry sued adam to pay for reki’s medical bills since they inevitably had to take him to the hospital

cherry constantly tells joe that he will sue him

joe may unironically watched spn, but cherry unironically watched glee

langa wrote destiel fanfiction once upon a time

langa wrote cas bakes dean a pie--

miya is carla’s favorite (after cherry)

cherry and langa with weighted blankets also

sometimes reki steals langa’s but only if he stays the night or langa brings it over and usually if he “steals” it, it’s them sharing it or reki needs the comfort of the weight if he’s not having a good time mentally lol

joe with depression,,, i just think about that a lot sometimes,,, sometimes cooking feels meaningless and, like langa, he only feels something when he skates but it’s only this temporary feeling of joy and life,,,

and shadow with anxiety,,, over-compensating his anxiety by being shadow at night and being over the top and sometimes mean because internalized ableism,,, and if he pretends he doesn’t have anxiety then maybe he won’t feel it late at night or when everything seems to go wrong during a shift at work and he keeps dropping flowers because his hands are shaking and girls don’t like guys with anxiety, right ??? so shadow thinks that he CAN’T have anxiety :/// poor dude

miya with separation anxiety pushing people away before they get attached because if they push them away before they become friends, then they wouldn’t be able to leave them,,,

langa always bouncing his foot in class and all the time because it’s his main form of stimming (look at that boy and try to tell me he doesn’t bounce his legs like there’s no tomorrow i dare you) and sometimes it makes his legs sore and cherry and joe once recommended using a heating pad if it got really sore and langa does sometimes and it makes him happy

reki with ts having anxiety when he has to speak in front of the class / do presentations because he’s hyper-aware of his tics,,, so he always meets langa’s eyes and watches langa the whole time and langa sometimes mimes taking deep breaths which really helps but honestly just seeing langa makes reki feel like he can do anything (because he would do anything for langa)

cherry doodling to stim as a child and always getting in trouble for it because teachers used to like get pissed when students doodled (or maybe they still do and it’s just always been pissy teachers and not specifically teachers when our parents were kids) and eventually cherry got fed up with getting points docked for doodling so he started writing lists and stuff and been realized he had impeccable handwriting (also joe let cherry doodle on his hand during classes they had together so cherry wouldn’t get in trouble)

cherry once had a dream that he was rachel berry and joe was finn uhh *insert last name here* from glee and joe had a beautiful voice when they sang duets in his dream so he managed to convince joe to sing in reality and turns out joe cannot sing and cherry’s glee dreams were never the same (look i am tired lol)

joe likes being the strong one in the group and he enjoys being able to mess around / show off by just casually picking people up (he also does it as an expression of love because they’re basically hugs depending on how he holds you) and one day cherry is like… done with it ??? and just strolls up to joe and just throws him over his shoulder or something and joe combusts because he did Not know cherry can do that and no his face isn’t red shut up he doesn’t find this attractive what’re you talking about

miya wants a sword and keeps trying to convince everyone to get them one for their birthday but no one will agree because ‘they’ll hurt themselves and everyone else it does not matter that all your favorite characters have swords that does not mean You should have one’

langa is the kind of person that puts peanut butter on a cheeseburger

reki’s love language is a mix of gift giving and acts of service, but he tends to lean more towards giving gifts. his receiving love language is words of affirmation but he does Not know that yet (langa does—hence his constant “you’re amazing, reki”—and eventually so does the rest of their gang lol)

shadow likes theatre

miya has internet friends,,, so does cherry,,,

joe posts those affirmations on his story all the time

reki’s texts are sometime hard to read because a) his hands get injured a lot and b) tourette’s but langa (and soon the others) learn how to read reki texts

langa sleeps with a fan on for white noise

shadow was worried (and feeling a little left out but if he doesn’t acknowledge it, then that emotion is not real… that’s how that works, right???) since he was in the hospital when reki skated against adam the second time, so when they all went back to cherry’s to tend to reki’s numerous wounds and also celebrate friendship, miya kept shadow on a face time call the entire evening

langa has an android phone

reki is super comfortable with periods because he lives with five girls—he also usually has a couple of pads and tampons on him at all times because he’s the older sibling lol

langa wears socks with sandals,,, so does shadow,,,

shadow’s feet get cold easily so he wears fluffy socks a lot

cherry keeps his fingernails at the perfect length to dramatically tap them against the table (also to freak people out by doing that)

miya is Not a morning person

miya also likes having the windows to shadow’s car rolled up because their hair gets in their face otherwise but shadow likes them down so it’s this constant struggle

i still stand by cherry suing ad*m and using the money he won to pay for reki’s medical bills (… and shadow’s… and langa’s if he needs any)

i just feel like many people have reason to sue ad*m

ponytail langa rights

joe had really bad acne as a child and teen and cherry helped him feel less self-conscious about it and helped him embrace having acne and that’s one reason why he exposes so much skin as joe because it’s a reminder of personal growth <3

also joe has acne scars on his chin and cheeks

joe has cherry’s calligraphy all over his walls

ik i already said so in reki with ts headcanons but he doodles pictures for everyone in the sk8 fam and they all keep each and every one and shadow even puts them in his scrapbook

let langa punch adam 2k21

let reki punch adam 2k21

actually they All deserve to punch adam 2k21

miya’s favorite movie is coraline

langa can’t snap his fingers

joe and cherry always argue over whether even numbers or odd numbers are best

miya does esports

joe was in marching band and was in drumline

cherry stays up late to look at the stars and he had those plastic stars taped to his ceiling as a child

reki eats tomatoes like apples and it makes joe want to cry

okay if the atla & and the sk8 characters became internet friends… these are who i think they’d be internet friends with…

cherry: katara

joe: suki

langa: sokka

miya: aang

reki: zuko

shadow: toph

note: suki, joe, miya, and aang are all actually besties. aang is the kind of person that would usually annoy miya but they just can’t dislike aang no matter how much he may want to and they somehow find themselves attached

but suki and miya would also get along really well because I know they would and aang and joe would just have fun and like it’s what they deserve so they are interchangeable / all besties

also sk8 characters if they were benders...

cherry: fire or waterbender,,, cannot decide

joe: earthbender

langa: waterbender

miya: firebender

reki: resident nonbender

shadow: earthbender

#corey rambles:)#i have a lot of feelings #also i am really bored #no i totally didn't spend like a half hour going through texts with grace just to find all the sk8 headcanons i sent her wHAT #i should be doing homework but uhhh instead i am thinking about Them #it's fine everything is fine the day isn't over yet but it will be over soon keep it together twilight keep it together--#anyways this was brought to you by corey = bored #sk8 headcanons #kyan reki with tourette’s #kyan reki #hasegawa langa #higa hiromi #chinen miya #sakurayashiki kaoru #nanjo kojiro #sk8 langa #sk8 reki #sk8shadow #sk8 miya #sk8 cherry #sk8 joe #y'all idk what to do i might just write fanfiction #at least i'm bored in my apt and not in the er hahhahhahhhahahahha wednesday #maybe i'll make some tater tots #oh and i stand by the glee and spn one #i am not wrong #joe had a crush on dean winchester #anyways i'll stop talking to myself in the tags #lol #wait i will also die on scrapbooking shadow hill

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zinzinina · 3 years

Text

Strokes

Pairing: Grand Admiral Thrawn x GN!Reader Length: 1k words Rating: Teen Warnings: Non-explicit sexual inferences

Happy Birthday, my beautiful @clanoffetts! Thank you for being you. Your friendship and talent are incredible gifts, so I hope this little drabble offers something in the way of reciprocation. I hope your day is filled with all the things that bring you joy! x

You run the tips of your fingers lightly over the edge of the painting. “This isn’t your usual style, Grand Admiral.”

And it isn’t. Shades of rose bruising into plum, darkening to grey at the edges. The vaguest outline of a woman’s nude figure, leaning against a balcony as she gazes outward into dawn, or dusk. It’s stormy, dreamlike and… entirely too romantic for his collection.

“No. But I would like to hear your impression all the same.” He stands beside you, one graceful hand resting lightly on your waist as you examine the piece.

You shiver at the closeness of his smooth voice and try to gather your thoughts. “Alright. My best guess is… Behpour, or nearby. Naboo maybe. Definitely the Chommell sector.” You glance sideways and his slight nod encourages you to continue. “It’s relatively modern. I’ll say… five hundred years? Or even less. The artist had some technical skill but the brushstrokes make me think they weren’t exactly a master. Classically-taught, probably, but out of practise.”

His lips are curving gently upward, deep crimson appraising your face with something like affection. “As usual, ch’eo visahot, you are correct. This piece is of some significance to the people of Naboo. It was created during the reign of Queen Immilla, shortly before the Great Time of Peace. Are you familiar with her story?”

You frown, shaking your head. You don’t like not knowing an answer to one of his questions. You want him to keep praising you; for him to recognise the thoroughness of your studies. As though he can sense your disappointment, his tone softens. “I would not expect you to know this. It is not common knowledge, even for those as studious as yourself.” His eyes glint warmly at you as he continues. “But I believe the story is one that will interest you.”

He gently lowers his fingers along the length of your arm until he cups your hand in his own, turning you to face the painting once more.

“Immilla was adored by her subjects, to which the songs and stories can attest. However, there was a scandal shortly into her second year of service and she simply… disappeared. Some accounts say she was assassinated by a political rival, others that she fell ill with a mysterious virus and the palace attempted to conceal the truth lest panic erupt among the general populace.” He sounds calm, as always, but for reasons you don’t understand, your heart has begun to race.

“What really happened?” you ask. His fingers are wrapped lightly around your wrist. He doesn’t need to feel the thrum of your pulse to know how his closeness affects you; you’re sure the heat radiating from your skin is visible even to human eyes.

“The truth is not known. Most of the accepted explanations are no more than mere speculation. But there is a crucial detail commonly omitted from record: one of the Queen’s handmaidens also disappeared.”

Your gaze returns to the curves in the painting, the outline of a rounded thigh, up to the gentle bunching of soft skin at the waist. You only know a little about the traditions and protocols of the royal house of Naboo. You’ve heard of the Royal Academy of Theed, where young people from respected houses are educated in everything from galactic legislation to traditional music in the hope they may earn a coveted position at the palace.

He continues. “The handmaiden did not leave much behind. Some personal effects; a comb, a sleeping robe. Several pots of sketching pigments, brushes… and, it was rumoured, a painting; long thought to have been lost.”

You notice for the first time how elaborate the detail on the balcony’s railing is. It is not the focus of the painting; the eye is naturally drawn to the woman’s figure. But there is enough in the surroundings to suggest opulence. Tiny starflowers climbing one of the columns supporting the edges of the balcony. Polished, veined stones underfoot.

“They ran away together,” you murmur to yourself.

His hand leaves your own to carefully press a strand of hair from beside your face, arranging it behind your ear. His fingers linger on the edge of your jaw, and you shiver again.

“How did you get this? What are you going to do with it?” They’re stupid questions, and you don’t really expect him to answer. He has his own ways of producing the impossible, and most of the time his complex plans are invisible to you. But he answers anyway.

“It is a gift. It would have been the anniversary of your birth, if we were to account for equivalent planetary time. Or so I understand.” You blink. Of course he’d know this. It’s easily available in your enlistment file; the information isn’t even classified. You’re just surprised that he cared enough to check.

It’s extravagant, and impractical, and at first you think it’s a joke. “Thra- uh, sir. It’s… incredibly generous, but I don’t exactly have the space for art in my cabin. And I don’t know how I would explain its appearance to anybody who might ask.” And something this rare and precious would be wasted, probably damaged, shoved in the back of my storage locker, you silently add.

He nods once, his response coming as easily as though he hadn’t even needed to think about it. “Which is why I have already made the necessary arrangements to have the piece installed here, where it will be adequately preserved. You may visit whenever you wish, with or without me present.”

You look up sharply. He means you can visit to see the painting, whenever you want. But it sounds like the invitation is a little more open-ended than that. He’s giving you free access to his private stateroom… at any time. You no longer need to await his summons to see him, unsure anew every time he’d sent you a request whether it had been because he wanted your company or simply your body.

Unsticking your tongue from the roof of your mouth, you fight to keep your voice even. “Why did you choose this for me?”

He tilts his head curiously, red eyes on yours. When he speaks, his mild tone sounds as though he expected that you already knew this answer. “Because, vutucni. It is...” he pauses, searching for the correct words. “A love story.”

#cait's birthday celebration #thrawn x gn!reader #grand admiral thrawn #star wars fanfiction #thrawn x you

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somebody-909 · 3 years

Text

Stalkyoo After the Formal (pt.1) - Role Reversal and Yeong-Gi's Denial of His Feelings

The black and white formal acts as a turning point in Shin-ae and Yeong-gi’s relationship, establishing their friendship and giving them moments of romantic tension.

It all leads to the emotional finale on the hospital balcony, where Yeong-gi first feels genuine romantic feelings for Shin-Ae.

This analysis looks at key moments that show how Shin-ae and Yeong-gi’s relationship changes after the formal arc — displaying emerging romantic feelings, and why their roles seemed to have reversed: it is now Yeong-gi who is hesitant to get any closer to Shin-ae, and she is the one eager to connect with him.

Ep. 75 | Elevator - Why the awkwardness and melancholy?

When Yeong-gi first sees Shin-ae after the balcony he seems quite... polite and distanced. He doesn’t act like the Yeong-gi of the past at all. He doesn't joke around with her like he used to... He doesn't smile or act friendly and he awkwardly turns away after looking at her.

He only smiles in the first panel, and his expression is… complicated. Note his soft smile, slightly closed eyes and slightly furrowed brows.

It's a soft, fond but slightly melancholic look.

This mixed expression is caused by genuine fondness for the person it’s for, with the additional tension and slight melancholy/sadness caused by the fact that this fondness is unspoken. This Look™, is the first expression he gives her after the balcony.

(But if I’m speaking more subjectively, this is the look people give those they love, but where it is unspoken. The melancholy associated with the expression makes it less likely to be purely platonic in nature — platonic friendships don’t often have this sense of something hidden and unspoken, and more often have relatively straightforward reciprocal affection. The romantic nature is also emphasized since The Look™ is being given to someone Yeong-gi has known for only a few weeks/months.)

At the least, this unspoken fondness may explain why Yeong-gi seems so awkward afterward:

He senses a difference in their feelings towards each other (he feels this because he is somewhat aware of the true nature of his, but Shin-ae is not/would not be at this stage)

He does not appreciate the nature of these feelings and does not want to entertain them (for reasons mentioned in my balcony analysis)

Shin-Ae also notices his odd demeanour and tells him she thought he'd be more excited - Yeong-gi's behaviour is purposefully shown to be different now. It's hard to imagine this is the same guy who'd joke around, easily and outwardly showing his joy to be around Shin-ae.

In Ep. 78, Yeong-gi is called by Shin-ae after she’s forced late when Dieter passes out. He has The Look™ while speaking to her. (Notably, Yeong-gi only has this look when they are not directly looking at each other). When Yeong-gi picks her up, he seems awkward once again… especially due to seeming like a third wheel in Shin-ae and Dieter's budding relationship.

He has The Look™ in images 1, 2, and 4. And in image 3, he seems very awkward being with Shin-Ae and Dieter. (I'd argue his expression also shows displeasure — he slightly, and under-the-surface, doesn't like what's happening).

Ep. 85 | A Bear and Allergies - Compassion, but only at a distance

After Shin-ae’s sister invades her home and Shin-ae calls over the bois, she is obviously quite unnerved and uneasy. Yeong-gi immediately recognizes this and in aims of comforting her, tells Dieter to give her a hug (which he is unable to do without freaking out so he gives Shin-ae a hug using a bear as proxy).

Yeong-gi understands how Shin-ae feels and wants to comfort her, but instead of doing this himself (eg. by talking to her, giving her a pat on the shoulder, etc...), he tells Dieter to. Although he's being a good wingman, there’s an interesting sense of Yeong-gi making sure to keep his distance, even if he wants to be there for her.

When Shin-ae notices Yeong-gi’s allergic reaction (which they think may be a fever), she reaches to touch his forehead to gauge his temperature — he quickly declines and moves her hand aside.

In my black and white formal analysis, I discuss the motif of distance and how it’s seen in Shin-ae and Yeong-gi’s dynamic — and how it’s represented through touch and their hands. Characters who want to connect emotionally will also show physical signs they do (like extending your hand to someone). Emotional connection often requires characters to physically be present together as well. Characters who want to avoid connection avoid touch and keep their distance.

Here, Shin-ae shows a desire to “reach” Yeong-gi by helping him, and this is reflected when she extends her hand and reaches to touch his forehead. A refusal of her touch in this case is also a refusal of her help and her attempt to connect to him. Shin-ae shows some slight discomfort at this – it was a harmless attempt to help him, but he doesn’t want her to.

Yeong-gi follows with an explicit verbal refusal:

“Again, you don’t have to worry about me… You just had your home broken into, you need to put yourself before me, alright?”

This is fitting with Yeong-gi’s overarching character arc — he has an extremely low sense of self-worth that prevents him from accepting others’ concern. Him telling Shin-ae to put herself before him also fits his thinking: that those he cares about are more important than him, Shin-ae included. And it doesn’t matter if what she actually wants is to help him.*

*This is an interesting trait of Yeong-gi's... despite caring deeply for Shin-Ae, he undermines her intelligence and wishes by not accepting her affection for him, and carefully controlling how close she gets. Although born from insecurity, it is also, fascinatingly, covertly manipulative.

Ep. 85-6 | Bills - I care about you

Yeong-gi asks Shin-ae if she is able to get to where she is staying for the night and she gives him more information than he asks for, showing new emotional vulnerability. He notices this and gives her The Look™ — he appreciates that she is now more open to him.

When Yeong-gi sees her overdue bills, he makes sure to let her know that her financial struggles do not determine her worth and anyone who tells her otherwise isn’t worth her time.

“Remember you’ve always got someone to lean on with your friends, okay?”

His spiel is incredibly heartwarming, and we can understand that he states these things from his own heart. However, he keeps it impersonal, stating "your friends" (not “me” or “us”) and instead allowing Shin-Ae to define whether he fits under that category as well. Yeong-gi is no longer trying to assert his friendship anymore.

After opening up more in response and letting the boys take her to the hospital to stay with her father, she removes the "Stalker" in Yeong-gi's contact name in her phone, showing development in their relationship since they first met and a large difference in how she sees him now — they're friends, and she thinks so too.

Ep. 89 | Insolence, but only for Shin-ae (and only in secret) & a Kousuke/Yeong-gi parallel

After learning of Shin-Ae's etiquette classes, Yeong-gi enters Kousuke’s office, specifically to start trouble with him. Yeong-gi is shown to try his best lately to obey his family members (namely his father), but once again we see how he is fine with starting trouble, even if it costs him, if it's for those he cares about — despite Kousuke reminding Yeong-gi of the repercussions of getting in trouble with their father, Yeong-gi doesn’t back down.

Kousuke: “You know you’re only going to anger father if he catches you being indolent.”

Yeong-gi: “I don’t give a crap if he finds out.”

Yeong-gi then aggressively asks him about the classes Kousuke put her in:

Kousuke: “It’s for her own good.”

Yeong-gi: “What do you mean, her own good?”

Kousuke: “... She’s the worst employee I’ve ever seen, so I signed her up for classes to fix her issues.”

Yeong-gi: “Have you ever voiced your concerns… tell her what she can improve upon? … She may have her flaws, but she’s a lot more capable than you think!”

Kousuke: “I’m preparing her for what’s to come her way in the future.”

Yeong-gi: “You don’t even know if she wants this career for her future! Everytime I see her, she’s miserable. Like she wants to leave. She’s uncomfortable!”

In my black and white formal analysis, I discuss how there are multiple instances— where Yeong-gi and Kousuke, as well as how they affect Shin-Ae, are purposefully contrasted — and this is paralleled here.

Consistently in these instances, (although Kousuke’s intentions are often good) Yeong-gi is shown to be the one who best understands Shin-Ae. At the very least, Yeong-gi is shown here to care for Shin-Ae enough to confront his brother and potentially face the wrath of his father, despite trying especially hard to be in their good graces recently.

However, it is important to note — Yeong-gi goes out of his way to ensure his intentions of helping Shin-ae are indirect and she does not know. Instead, he tries to help her in roundabout ways, secretly.

Yeong-gi does not want his good intentions to reach her.

Conclusions

Yeong-gi displays a notable difference in how he acts, especially around Shin-ae. His new emerging feelings conflict his insecurities, resulting in a standoffish Yeong-gi who is secretive in his affection, and calculatingly tries to distance himself from Shin-ae. But... this isn't what he truly wants, and is instead, another form of self-sabotage.

However, as time goes on, Yeong-gi cannot keep this facade up indefinitely... and he's occasionally caught off guard, giving us glimpses into what he truly feels.

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therealvinelle · 3 years

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Carlisle wouldn’t want to be human

This really goes for most of the Cullens, Rosalie excepted (I think Edward would last one day without his telepathy and superpowers before this happened (well honestly I think his denial would keep him from ever admitting this but this isn’t an Edward post so we’re cutting this thought short right now before it spirals)), but I see both Edward and general fandom just sort of take it for granted that if anyone offered Carlisle a miraculous human again pill (and I’m just picturing that as some hokey pill being sold on ad TV) he’d praise Jesus and swallow that down immediately, and I’ve to see anybody argue with that so here I go.

First of, if Carlisle were to suddenly find himself human again I have every belief that Aro would materialize and go, “My dear Carlisle has been made a human? How tragic! Never fear, old friend, I’ll fix that for you. Om nom nom.” and then Carlisle would not be human. And I’m only half joking when I say that, because Carlisle has a lot of friends, and while his animal diet is all well and good, if he were to actually do something like this they’d be very sad his human obsession has gone too far and stage an intervention. “We’re doing this because we love you, Carlisle. Now please try not to be too delicious. Om nom nom.” And then we’re back to Carlisle being a vampire again, though with slightly longer hair this time.

More seriously, if Carlisle was offered this miracle pill, then as a doctor he’d probably be less than enthused about it. He was there to see what happened to the Native Americans when the Europeans came carrying brand new disease, and after viruses and bacteria have had 350 years and a globalized planet to evolve, our seventeenth century priest is going to be in trouble. He’s unvaccinated to boot. He also has a completely different intestinal bacterial flora than modern humans do, which I imagine would not be fun for his digestion. This guy would be a sickly, constipated mess.

As for the main reason - why would Carlisle ever want to be human?

Before he’d mastered his thirst, then he’d probably feel obligated to. For as long as he hadn’t mastered it there was always the risk of him losing control and killing somebody. In his early days he certainly would have jumped on the chance. But none of this is a problem anymore.

So, to take the reasons why he wouldn’t say yes in the present day - first of, why would he not want to be a vampire? He is past worrying about his thirst. His vampirism is at this point purely an asset to him. It makes him great at his job. All his friends and family are vampires. If he were to become human again, he’d not just suddenly suck at his job (as I imagine he has incorporated his super senses into his work to the point where he would pretty much have to learn everything anew if he still wanted to be a doctor), his brain would be slow and limited, and he could never see his cherished friends, people he has known for centuries, again. He’d have to start over with another fake identity in a new place, and sure, this time he could stay until he died of old age, but he’d still be lying to everybody he met about his identity. Carlisle is very much a social butterfly, and he’d be unable to form meaningful friendships when he could never get truly personal with anybody.

In other words, Carlisle would be signing himself up for a lonely life of being average if not bad at his work. And his work is incredibly important to him.

Then there’s the fact that as a doctor, modern viruses aside, when it comes to health problems Carlisle has seen it all. He would know better than everybody that even if the modern viruses don’t make him a sickly mess, even if he doesn’t join the statistics of people who die in tragic accidents, he could still get a brain aneurism at the age of 24 and his human LARP is over. And who knows, maybe he had some nasty disease lurking in his DNA just waiting to ruin his life had he lived long enough, such as ALS. But assuming that Carlisle says “I’LL RISK IT”, even if he makes it to an older age, aging is no joke. Dementia, gout, incontinence, the general and inevitable decline of his body - this is the looming shadow hanging over all our heads. For an immortal who has seen countless humans succumb to it, why choose this?

And for what?

So he could have kids of his own, presumably with Esme?

He has a whole family. Rosalie and Edward especially are his children. Just, this guy loves his whole family so much, I can’t imagine he’d throw them aside in favor of some faceless toddler concept. I also don’t think he’d even want kids of his own, but I think that’s for another post. And also mostly a vibe.

So he could grow old with Esme?

Again - why? She’d be just as much an outcast as he, and face all the same health risks (except I suppose for the modern viruses, she hasn’t been dead for that long). I can’t imagine he’d want to sit idly by and watch her either die ahead of schedule, or live long enough to become unable to care for herself.

Then there’s the fact that at most he’d have six or seven decades. To him, that’s just the blink of an eye. And, again, a very unpleasant blink where he loses everything, is less intelligent, and slowly dies.

Lastly there’s the fact that the human he was is dead, his time has passed. Carlisle doesn’t belong in the human world any longer. He interacts with it because helping humans gives him joy and meaning in life, but he’s a man out of his time and this brave new world is not the one he once lived in. He would not in any way belong, and I think he knows that quite well.

Just, the whole idea that Carlisle would want this is founded on Carlisle having some sort of innate worship of humans where being human is inherently better. I’m sorry, but that’s Edward. If Carlisle felt this way, he wouldn’t be turning others into vampires, and he wouldn’t have vampire friends all over the globe. To him, thirst isn’t a problem, and his vampirism means he can save more humans than he otherwise would. The remaining concern would be God, but Carlisle’s life philosophy is that being a vampire is not by itself a sin, so he’s fine in that regard too.

In summation, I think Carlisle is quite happy being a vampire, and wouldn’t have it any other way.

#carlisle cullen #twilight #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #note on the intestinal bacterial flora #a study was done on an african tribe whose members were eating the same food as their ancestors had for thousands of years #and a group of regular americans #they switched diets #and the african tribesmembers' gut flora was noticeably decreased after just a few weeks #and as far as i remember this was irreversible change #while the modern americans did not have noticeable change #so if i understand that correctly then this might not be such a big problem for carlisle #but it's still food for thought #and i imagine the transition period would suck #he'd probably just take the easy way out and eat unprocessed organic food #be that hipster #vegan vampire and hipster human #... i'm quitting this 'carlisle's indigestion combat tactics' tag spiral #before it gets weirder #point is this guy would lose everything #he could never see his friends again #and in exchange he gets to give a forced smile and say 'yay. i'm human. yayy...'

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appleflavoredkitkats · 3 years

Text

Analysis of the “Fundy’s Mind” Stream: A Showcase of Repressed Memories and Repressed Insecurities

i. INTRODUCTION

Hi! This is going to be… something. Funny how I focus on this rather than my research homework, but I have a MASSIVE Fundy brain rot right now and I’d love to share my thoughts on Fundy’s newest stream. Fair warning, I am not the Messiah, so don’t take everything as fact. I’m open to constructive and objective discussions in replies or in DM’s, so feel free to hmu!

All of this is /dsmp and /rp by the way!

Heavy trigger warnings for derealization, parental neglect, neglect in general, self-deprecation, self-neglect, low self-esteem, death, manipulation, abandonment, loneliness, trust issues, torture mention, blood mention, and broken friendships.

Word Count: Approximately 10k.

ii. PRE-LIVESTREAM ASPECTS

Before we begin deep diving into the mind of Fundy, I do want to emphasize two major themes of this stream: 1.) Fundy’s insecurities, especially when it comes to abandonment and trust, and 2.) Fundy’s future predicting abilities. A ton (but not all) of statements uttered by the books and Fundy himself tend to have double meanings that apply to both of these themes.

We can further discuss the future predicting powers later, but to give a little background on Fundy’s insecurities: Fundy is notorious for heavily depending his self-worth on the recognition other people give him. Despite his immaturity, a lot of Fundy’s character is rooted in being heavily underestimated. This could be observed during the Pet Wars when his safety was constantly being threatened by Sapnap, inevitably making him lose a duel against him. Another way we can see this is through Wilbur’s early treatment of Fundy where he constantly infantilized him because Wilbur believed Fundy was a child incapable of being independent. This caused Fundy to appeal a lot to any type of compliment from any person- it began with Quackity ensuring him that he will gift him a lot of cookies if he votes SWAG2020, then to Schlatt complimenting him to the point that Fundy almost gave up on spying and siding with Pogtopia, then to the Butcher Army where he unhesitantly followed Tubbo and Quackity’s lead no matter how many times they made fun of him. While he revels in any type of recognition given, oftentimes, those who seem to care for Fundy tend to leave after he grows attached to them; first with Wilbur, then Niki, then Schlatt, then Eret and Phil, then Tubbo, Ranboo, and Quackity. In the Dream SMP, Fundy is very lonely and has dealt with abandonment issues left and right, but typically, he never does anything with his loneliness, as the last time he lashed out against someone who left him, nothing positive really came out of it (this is when he got mad at Ghostbur).

(Everything else is under the cut! I worked so hard on this, so please read it if you can, it’d mean a lot!)

So, with all that laid out, I want you to keep this all in mind as it is important for understanding why Fundy feels the way he does in the stream.

Now, let’s begin the analysis. First off, I believe it is important to denote the title and the tags of the stream. The stream is titled “Fundy’s Mind”, so we have to denote that this isn’t merely a dream sequence- the stream is meant to explore the complexity of Fundy’s mind. This includes his thoughts, insecurities, repressed memories, and so on and so forth. Additionally, the stream is tagged “Permadeath”, something different from what Fundy typically tags his streams. There is no clear explanation as to what this could mean, but the possibilities are:

It is hinting that the death system in the Dream SMP could be rigged, and someone is messing with the semantics of death and how it works.

It is hinting that someone will face a permanent death, and most fingers are pointed at Fundy as this is his stream. If not a permanent death, he might at least lose one of his canon lives which was hinted later on in the stream (will discuss later).

It is hinting that he was killed by the end of the dream. Not really a solid theory as we don’t actually know the repercussions of killing someone who is actively dreaming, but it is a possibility.

iii. PROLOGUE

A thing to question at the beginning of the stream is if the entire introduction was part of the dream or not. Seeing how Fundy has the same inventory from this to the next scene, it is plausible, but I don’t think it provides anything if it were a dream.

Anyway, other things to denote are Fundy’s hotbar! First noticeable thing would be the 38 baked potatoes. The website angelnumber.org explains that 38 means:

“The combination of these two numbers makes the number 38 a number which signifies joy and optimism, courage, finding creative ways to materialize abundance, reality, etc.

The essence of the number 38 in numerology are different kind of relationships, such as romantic ones, business partnerships, teamwork, cooperation, diplomacy, etc.

Number 38 people have a talent for dealing with people in a caring and creative way. They are born team-workers. They need interaction with other people to fully enjoy their lives. They are usually optimistic and have a gift of inspiring others to action.”

So far, the number 38 is viewed to be positive. It signifies financial success and cooperativeness, which is interesting if Fundy’s future arc potentially ties to working with Quackity. To further add onto symbolisms regarding success, dreamastromeanings.com says the following:

“If you dreamed of baking or roasting potatoes, that dream is a good sign. It usually indicates your finances increasing over time.

Possibly you have made some investments and now you are beginning to reap the fruits of your efforts and risky activities.”

or,

“If you dreamed of holding a potato in your hand, that dream is a bit of a warning. You might soon receive some lucrative opportunity, possibly work related.

It is advisable to think fast and accept it because you might not get a second chance.

It could also indicate that you are a bit lazy when it comes to taking chances and missing opportunities because of that.”

Both explanations refer to business opportunities and possible investments. If we combine both the explanation for the number 38 and carrying potatoes, we can assume that Fundy will be receiving a business opportunity that would be too good to miss. These explanations also imply that nothing too negative would occur, but instead, Fundy can achieve success through this business opportunity. The only arcs in the Dream SMP which I think could provide a business opportunity would either be 1.) a new warden at the prison, 2.) new member at Snowchester (low odds), but the most likely occurrence would be 3.) Quackity offers him a position at Las Nevadas. With the Quackity smiley face at the end of Fundy’s stream, we can safely believe that the job opportunity at Las Nevadas would be the most likely occurrence.

Another explanation for this is that because the 38 potatoes were brought from the seemingly real world, it could possibly pertain to something that had already happened in the past. This could possibly allude to L’Manberg, especially when the explanations behind 38 potatoes are presented to be more positive, something the current Las Nevadas arc isn’t.

Second thing to notice about the hotbar: Fundy is currently at level 5, with his EXP bar 1/18 filled. To reach level 5, one has to gain 55 EXP, and to reach level 6, one would need to gain an extra 17 EXP. If the bar is merely 1/18 filled, 1/18 of 17 would be 0.94, which when rounded off, is 1. Add 1 to the extra 55, and we would approximately get 56 EXP. The website angelnumber.org says the following:

“The number 56 symbolizes teamwork, coexistence, family, relationships, adventure and expression of freedom.

Number 56 people have diverse interests, some of which they have an in-depth knowledge of and some just general understanding.

They try different approaches in relationships, trying to keep them alive. If everything they’ve tried fails, they simply walk to another relationship.”

This could mean a lot of things. The second sentence could imply that Fundy doesn’t fully comprehend the complexity of his mind. Some parts, he may understand, some, he does not at all. This could imply that there are also more secrets hiding in his mind that we couldn’t get to see. The third sentence is more interesting as Fundy’s entire character arc involves him and his broken relationships with other people. It’s a quite accurate description of Fundy, describing how he desperately tries anything to make a relationship work, and if it fails, he could easily befriend other people even if there is a possibility that that relationship would fail like the previous.

If we ignore the number of EXP, we can merely focus on the number 5, which means the following:

“When angels are sending you number 5, they want to encourage you to have hope and to be ready to accept all the changes that are coming. Also, if number 5 has appeared just at the moment when you have been thinking about something important in your life, this number could be the answer or the solution for your problems. You should pay attention to number 5 and think of its secret meanings.

If number 5 keeps appearing by your side, it means that changes are already happening in your life. If they have not happened yet, don’t worry. They are on the way and you will feel them in the next couple of days or weeks.”

This can be connected to both the EXP number and the stream as a whole as Fundy begins to accept the gravity of his abandonment issues instead of suppressing his negative feelings towards it. Throughout the stream, Fundy is shown rejecting the idea that he is being neglected by others, but by the second half of the stream, he rejects it less and less. This could be the change the explanation is referring to as Fundy realizing his negative feelings towards his abandonment issues are valid and he needs to take them more seriously rather than brushing them aside.

With number symbolisms finally aside, we can begin analyzing the actual sequences! Fundy is seen to be approaching his “Not A Secret” Base with a sigh, asking chat if they can go to sleep so that he can go to sleep too. Fundy immediately doubts the possibility of the others in the server following through his request until Ranboo responds with a simple “okay” while Niki responds with “yiss, am asleep”. Fundy quickly flashes the members list on the screen, showing us that only Niki and Ranboo are online on the server before he showcases his new bed, claiming that he likes it.

Two interesting notes about this: 1.) he decides to sleep, which is odd enough in the Dream SMP, and 2.) him having three new beds despite only using one of them. For the first point, I’d like to refer you to what Fundy said at around 26:08:

“I just gotta sleep and then, it’s gonna disappear! And then everyone is gonna appear out of a bush and they’re gonna be ‘Surprise!’, and I’m gonna be like, ‘You guys…! You’re always pranking me, you’ve always been there for me. Every single time… except sometimes… when I needed you the most.’ I just go to bed, I just go to bed, and none of this ever happened.”

While I understand that he is referring to the dream, I also believe that this statement would be one of those types I mentioned earlier that may have a double meaning. While “I just go to bed,” could refer to him wanting to sleep and wake up from this horrific dream, it could also refer to how he easily shuts down to his abandonment issues and goes to bed instead of handling it head first. Knowing this, him going to bed in the first scene could imply that he is in this type of abandonment predicament, especially when we connect it to the second point. The color orange is meant to represent joy and warmth, and even without the symbolism, we all know orange is Fundy’s favorite color. He sees these three beds and says that he likes them, but I can’t help but feel like the other two beds are meant for two other people. I don’t think Niki and Ranboo being the only other two people on the server is coincidental; they have to relate to the two extra beds in some way.

Niki and Ranboo are two prime examples of close friends Fundy had before breaking off after a misunderstanding. Niki fought with Fundy after he had to burn the flag she made in order to gain Schlatt’s trust, while Fundy fought with Ranboo after Doomsday when they had conflicting beliefs about neutrality and sides. After both incidents, Fundy never really made his way to apologize, but Fundy has awkwardly met up with these two after a certain point. With Niki, he was forced to team with her at the beginning of the November 16th War, joking around with her and Eret, while for Ranboo, Fundy had to talk to him and Philza when they were joking around in the SMP. The meet ups definitely relieved some tension, but it never fully resolved the conflict Fundy had with both characters, so there was never a chance for him to rekindle the close bonds he had with both Ranboo and Niki in the past.

Fundy going to his favorite beds with two extra spots next to him could represent how he does cherish the friendships he shared with Niki and Ranboo, but never has the guts to actually bring back things the way that they were before. So, instead, Fundy sleeps, not wanting to think about them any further.

iv. FIRST DAY

When he wakes, Fundy checks his inventory before exiting his base, saying “Uhm, I don’t actually-” until he cuts himself off once he spots the desert. I don’t actually know what Fundy was supposed to say here, but because he checked his inventory beforehand, I believe he was trying to say “I don’t actually know where my things are,” but I could be wrong. To be fair, this isn’t too important, so we don’t have to focus on that. What we can focus on is the misplaced desert that was obviously not there before Fundy slept. We can easily infer what deserts could symbolize in dreams, especially when it comes to loneliness and the feeling of being deserted, but for better insight, consider what dreamstop.com claims about deserts:

“A dream of a desert is about something that is devoid of any feelings or care for you. It is all about them and nothing about you. Does someone show you a lack of respect? Is there someone or something in your life you dislike and adds no meaning to your life? Do you feel invisible? That no-one cares about you? Deserts represent an empty, barren place you may be trying to fill.

Desert dreams may appear when a relationship or friendship breaks down, or when you feel totally alone. You may have moved recently and have not yet made friends. You may feel homesick for all you left behind.

Being lost in a desert refers to your feelings that a situation is hopeless. You may have a problem you feel no-one cares about, even though you tried to reach out. You may feel there was no support and are feeling hurt and alone.”

You don’t need much analyzing to connect these meanings to what Fundy is experiencing. The setting of a “desert” merely pads the idea of Fundy being incredibly lonely to the point of him believing that he has nothing left to lose. Back in Doomsday, he was an optimistic nihilist, claiming that he doesn’t care much about what occurs from this point onwards as long as he can have a little bit of fun. On the stream where he created the Cube, he claimed that most people hated him anyway, so the least he could do was to make himself so hateable so other people could unite together in their hatred of Fundy even if it meant Fundy would have no companions left. Let it be known: Fundy is incredibly, incredibly lonely, and he is miserable in his loneliness, especially when his self-worth depends on how much people recognize him.

Another thing this desert could be eluding to would be Las Nevadas as it is set in the desert. I do think the desert’s main purpose is to showcase Fundy’s loneliness, but the connection to Las Nevadas is plausible.

Additionally, the dark skies Fundy sees doesn’t really need much of an explanation either. I couldn’t find a website exactly defining what it means to find a dark sky, but most of them speak of it as a negative thing, often symbolizing something terrible to come. I don’t think I need to explain that part, so we’re moving on.

Fundy is, understandably, very confused about this entire predicament. He quickly moves around his base to figure out what is going on, even messaging in chat to see if anyone would respond. Climbing up the ladders, he stands atop his base, spotting the silhouette of the Camarvan from afar. He continues to be confused, claiming he has no idea why he’s here in the first place. He claims he is “freaking out”, continuing to ask questions about where he is, and why the sky turns dark. He denotes that he isn’t at least completely alone as bunnies swarm around the desert. He begins to follow this sandstone path, every few blocks or so passing a fence with a torch stood atop it.

Here, we can infer that Fundy seems to have never seen this place before, or has no recollection of it entirely. Fundy doesn’t seem to be immensely freaked out just yet, especially since he hasn’t asked any questions about how no one is there, mostly focusing on his location and asking what the place is about.

Fundy then asks why the van is here, then zooms in on the nametags he sees at the back of the van. It is notable that something nametagged “Fundy” is shorter than another thing that is nametagged “WilburSoot”. Fundy tries to reach out for them but is unable to enter the van.

We can easily infer that this scene was meant to represent Fundy’s childhood in L’Manberg when he was being taken care of by Wilbur. Despite the lack of silhouettes, we can easily determine that Fundy is young in this scene because of how his nametag is in a much lower position next to Wilbur's, implying that whoever owns that nametag is much shorter. We can denote that by the beginning of the L’Manbergian Revolutionary War, Fundy was, in fact, a child.

Another question some of you might ask: why is the Camarvan here in the first place? While I believe it could be representative of the part of Fundy’s mind that tackles past memories, I do think it also serves another purpose which I will explain later.

Moving on to the next scenes, Fundy continues following the sandstone path while typing in chat, asking if anyone was actually there. He gets confused by the path for a moment, wanting to go to the ominous building, before realizing that the path does connect to the building, it just swerves a little to the left.

It is notable that when Fundy cried out for help, he doesn’t call for a name in specific- he calls out for ANYONE. The fact that he is calling out for “anyone” could denote that he doesn’t have any close friends or family members he would want to specifically call out for.

Continuing on, Fundy follows the path to the building, still very immensely confused about where he is. Opening the door, he sees that the inside descends into an underground room with its flooring made out of chiseled quartz blocks. Fundy gets scared at first, immediately closing the door, looking back in, and going back out once more.

Fundy denotes that there is absolutely nothing out here as he walks around the building. He then gains the courage to descend the staircase, wondering what it is, and at the bottom, there are a lot of misplaced sandstone blocks with small lights illuminating at certain corners. The path leads to the left, showing 10 pieces of red carpet on the floor, and 8 pieces of yellow carpet on the table. He approaches the wooden table before looking to his right, spotting a skull on the floor next to a piece of redstone, which I believe is meant to resemble blood.

I don’t think we really need to research a skull to check what it might represent, but my theory so far as to what the skulls mean in each building would be that it’s meant to represent Fundy losing a canon life. I don’t know if this was intentional, but the corner room where the skull is somewhat reminds me of the Final Control Room with the redstone in the middle representing the button. That is, after all, where Fundy lost his first canon life.

One of the theories I subscribe to is that the skulls in these buildings are meant to foreshadow Fundy’s death before he ever reaches it. Earlier in the day, we saw Fundy pass by the Camarvan with a younger Fundy which could possibly imply that they haven’t gotten to Eret’s betrayal yet, but the skull creeping up at the corner could represent that it is, in fact, coming. How this ties in to the entire future predicting thing, I will explain later, but for now, keep an eye out on the skulls.

Terrified of the skull, Fundy opens the chest and hesitantly picks up the book and quill inside of it. He opens it and is introduced to another Fundy writing to himself. Other Fundy claims that they’re not exactly the same person, but this Fundy is a part of the real Fundy. Other Fundy claims that Fundy cannot trust this place as it is not real, then begins saying that Fundy himself is not real repeatedly. Fundy’s heart rate suddenly increases when he sees the words “wake up” appear slowly in the book, and after page 34 is shown, Fundy wakes up to a new day in the dream world.

First thing to denote is that the book has 87 pages, and 87, according to affinitynumerology.com means as follows:

“The numerology number 87 is a number of family, organization, and prosperity.

It's also a number of harmony and idealism, the ideal generally related to a harmonious and prosperous family relationship.

87 has parental instincts. It assumes responsibility for the welfare of others it considers to be family.”

The explanation implies that Fundy longs for family and cares deeply for those who he considers as his family. As much as he hated Wilbur after he died, Fundy still continuously expressed how much he needed Wilbur to be there. He is absolutely attached to anyone who poses as a possible family member, especially to those who he views as parents or guardians. Even outside of Wilbur, he is still practically attached to Phil, even if Phil refuses to consider Fundy as family. Fundy also got immensely angered by Eret when she didn’t show up to sign his adoption papers. I’d even say his attachment to family would even reach people like Sally and Schlatt. Fundy has a tendency of casually talking about Sally, and whenever a character talks about eating salmon, Fundy becomes deeply offended. For Schlatt, Fundy kept Schlatt’s netherite sword after he died, considering it to be an “heirloom”, something that only gets passed down onto different generations of the same family. Fundy is incredibly attached to the sword, and whenever he loses it, he’s absolutely desperate to get it back. As much as Fundy gets abandoned, he still deeply appreciates a lot of his family.

87 is also very reminiscent of one of the books in the Inbetween. A lot of the phrasing in the books are actually quite similar to the Inbetween, but we aren’t sure if Fundy and the Inbetween are directly affecting each other or if these places merely work in similar ways. The main similarity between Fundy and the Inbetween is that it involves something related to time travelling, so the similarities could be pointing towards that rather than imply that Fundy is directly affecting the Inbetween all together.

Secondly, the book stops at Page 34. The website angelnumbers.org express the following:

"Most likely you are leaving your projects unfinished because of fear for their destiny after you finish them.

Will they be rejected or accepted by others?

Because you would rather not find out that and possibly have your ego hurt, you consciously or subconsciously sabotage your work and leave things unfinished.

When this number starts appearing in your life frequently, it is a reminder to acknowledge you have a problem and start dealing with it.”

This is very reminiscent of the paragraph I made earlier discussing Fundy’s relationship with Ranboo and Niki- and this could honestly apply to any other relationships Fundy has as well. Besides Fundy’s relationships, this explanation could apply to Fundy’s hesitance of finding out the truth of his mind. Earlier on in the streams, Fundy is immensely confused about the dream, not wanting to discover its truths at all. This eventually changes on the third day, but we’ll discuss that in a bit.

Another thing I’d like to discuss would be the identity of the book authors and why they wrote the books the way they did. I’ll explain about this more in-depth later, but I do believe that another Fundy is, indeed, writing these books. As this was set in Fundy’s mind, it’s quite impossible for anyone who isn’t Fundy to be meddling with the books. What we can denote, though, is the reason as to why these books were created in the first place. The book itself seems to be harmless at first, quite inviting towards Fundy in the first few pages, but once it had to introduce what this world is, it seemed to hesitate. There were a couple of disjointed pages, as well as blank pages, before it began claiming the world wasn’t real, and that Fundy wasn’t real. It turned a complete 180, which seemed to be very odd to me. In past events of the Dream SMP, derealizing statements like this tend to be tricks of the mind, but these statements seem to be intentionally put there by those who wrote the book, especially since later on, we see another book completely give up on saying these triggering statements, saying that “It’s not going to work.” (32:05).

What this implies is that whoever placed these statements are attempting to scare Fundy in some way, possibly heightening his insecurities and terror so that he can be truly terrified of the place. The constant statements of “you are not real” may not only refer to the Other Fundy trying to make Fundy spiral downwards in derealization, but it might actually represent how neglected Fundy feels to the point of feeling invisible, to the point of feeling that he “isn’t real”. But why is this Other Fundy trying to scare Fundy, and who, specifically, is the person behind the writings, you might ask? This question will be answered later on when we go more in-depth with the other books, as the bigger picture is very much needed instead of explaining it all by the first book.

v. SECOND DAY

Fundy wakes up in his base once more, evidently confused. We don’t really know why he wakes up in his base, and why the world changes every time he wakes up, but let’s just say this is all part of his dream to make sense out of it. This time, he sounds more broken, and definitely more unhinged. He calls out for any other member in the chat, telling them that whatever they’re doing is not funny. This is the first we see of Fundy believing that the others may actually just have been pulling a prank on him. He opens his chests frantically before venturing outside once more. He claims that he doesn’t believe the book, saying that this dream sequence feels pretty real to him.

This time, Fundy puts a bigger emphasis on asking why he is alone, and why nobody seems to be here with him. Fundy seems to be more shaken up by the idea that he’s alone over the idea that he does not know anything about where he is at all. He approaches the van, and when he zooms in, he sees that Wilbur’s nametag disappeared.

Transcript of this following scene:

“I knew you were there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no- you can’t fool me! No, I knew you were there Wil. You were there, right there! Where did you go? Are you being- he’s being funny. This is funny! This is great. Aw, this is amazing- it’s just a prank! It’s April Fools soon- that’s why! Oh, I’m just being pranked… right?”

Now, this was… sad. This is one of the other statements that could have a double meaning. Fundy insisting that Wilbur is supposed to be there could not only be him comparing this day to the previous, but it could also imply his true feelings towards Wilbur, especially since he’s disappeared for a good portion of Fundy’s life. Fundy believes Wilbur is supposed to be there for him, but the reality is that he wasn’t. Instead of facing reality, Fundy concludes that all of this was a harmless joke instead of believing that Wilbur might have possibly left him.

Fundy attempts to enter the van once more, but his attempt doesn’t work. He then follows the path on the side directing to the ominous building only for him to realize that it has gotten closer.

The building getting closer to the main base actually has a lot of symbolism behind it. The building itself stores a lot of secrets, especially when it comes to the truths about this world and the different insecurities Fundy has repressed. Those writing the books have laid out all these secrets in every single book found in this building. The fact that it’s underground is meant to represent that these secrets are meant to be hidden in the depths of Fundy’s mind, but the fact that the building is getting closer to the main base makes it feel like 1.) the stored secrets about this world that Fundy may have forgotten about might finally seep into his consciousness, making him aware of them next time he wakes up, and 2.) the insecurities Fundy repressed deep down are seeping out more and more as it reaches the main core. Once it’s there, Fundy won’t be able to reject the truth about his abandonment issues any longer.

Fundy nears the building, still quite nervous. He opens the door, and the layout of the inside seems to be slightly similar to the previous day, but there are small details here and there that are different. Instead of 10 red carpets, there are 6, and instead of 8 yellow carpets, there are 6. Additionally, the skull seems to be closer, this time directly next to the table.

While the carpets were quite subtle, I do think it symbolizes a certain decrease of something. Red symbolizes the color for passion and love, while yellow is meant to represent happiness and positivity. Earlier, we saw that Wilbur disappeared from the Carmarvan, so the decrease of rugs for each color could represent Fundy’s love and happiness decreasing.

For the skull itself, I don’t know if I’m right, but this is what I infer from it: On the first day, we saw that Wilbur was still standing next to Fundy in the Camarvan as the first skull underground was still very far away. On the second day, when Wilbur was gone, the skull got closer, standing next to the table instead of it being far away. I theorize that if the skull is closer, then a canon death has already occurred in the time period the day wants to present. The first day presents a time where Wilbur was still taking care of Fundy, so Eret’s betrayal may not have happened yet, hence why the skull merely stayed hidden at the corner. On the second day, Wilbur has actively left Fundy, similar to the period after L’Manberg’s independence when Fundy had to partake in the Pet Wars alone. During that era, the betrayal has already happened, which is why I believe the skull is much closer this time.

Continuing on, Fundy opens the book and begins reading. From this point onwards, I do want to go more in depth with each of the books, so I’ll put transcripts here and there with my thoughts added onto it after each transcript.

“Hi me!

Welcome back!

Yeahh, second time here? or third?

not entirely sure”

So, this is confirmation that this might not be the first time Fundy’s having dreams like this. A good question to ask is if the book was written a long time ago and has presented itself the same way it does right now, or if this book was written recently. I don’t think the stream gave a definitive answer, but it is something to keep in mind.

“Listen to me Fundy

and you should trust me because,

well you know why

There are two things you can do right now

Walk back to your base, jump in bed, fall asleep, and you will wake up as if nothing ever happened

Or you can keep reading…

And I will tell you what I know”

The book pauses for a bit then continues saying “You are not real” ten times, “You dont want to know the truth” fifteen times, and spams “WAKE UP” until the 38th page, a number we analyzed earlier because of the 38 baked potatoes.

For the book itself, whoever is writing the book seems to be a bit hesitant when writing. It doesn’t seem to want to explain what this place truly is to Fundy, and as much as it clarifies that they are, indeed, Fundy, they never expound on how they were able to write these books and why Fundy should trust him. Other Fundy saying “you should trust me because, well you know why” is actually quite ominous, and I can only think of two reasons as to why they would say it: 1.) Other Fundy is implying that Fundy can trust him because he is, in fact, the same person, or 2.) Other Fundy is hinting that Fundy trusts too easily as seen with the people Fundy trusted in the real world.

Additionally, the Other Fundy seems to emphasize on the fact that they WANT Fundy to go to sleep and wake up in the overworld. They phrase it so that sleeping once more is the more logical option, while they basically scare Fundy with the other option, evident by his quickened heartbeat. The Other Fundy seems to know about the intricacies of this dream and its world, but seems to be very hesitant to tell Fundy about it. The continuous threats imply that the Other Fundy doesn’t want Fundy to know the truth at all.

Basically, this Other Fundy knows something, something our Fundy doesn’t know about, and wants to emphasize that it is something horrific. He will do whatever he can do so that he can stop Fundy from knowing the truth, even if it means he has to scare Fundy.

Additionally, to me, it feels like “WAKE UP” could possibly have two meanings. If the underground structure is meant to represent things that Fundy constantly represses to the back of his mind, not only would the secrets of his dream reside there, but his own repressed insecurities may reside there as well. The way Fundy treats the truth about his dreams is actually quite similar with the way he treats his insecurities- he tends to reject its existence and pretend that everything is normal. This dream isn’t just a dream, it’s an exploration of Fundy’s mind, and telling Fundy to “WAKE UP” doesn’t just refer to not knowing the truths about the dream, but it could also refer to Fundy not knowing the truths about his own insecurities hidden deep in the depths of his mind.

vi. THIRD DAY

Fundy wakes up, breathing heavily. He paces around his room before opening the door frantically, seeing that he is still stuck in a desert. He begins to laugh, repetitively telling himself that all of this is a “joke”. He continues questioning why he’s still in this dream, and when he opens the door, he sees the ominous structure observably closer to the base. He claims that he’s actually stressing out, and Fundy goes on a tangent about this dream and reveals a bit about his insecurities:

“They’re toying with me, they’re toying with me. They’re actually- everyone is toying with me- they are ALWAYS TOYING WITH ME. Everyone is! I’m always being played with. Why? Why always me- no! Why does it always have to be me? Every single time. I don’t wanna- (sigh). I don’t wanna keep dealing with this- I just wanna- no- do I just… Do I just… Do I just go up here and listen to- wai- okay. The book said I have two options: I can wait here until it’s night time. Wait until the sun sets and I can go to sleep, and when I go to sleep and wake up, none of this is real. None of this is gonna- it’s gonna disappear. None of this is real, none of this is real, none… It’s not real, it’s not real, I am currently not real, this is no- how is this possible? How is this- wha- how did- how… None of this is real. I am not real. All I have to do is wait for midnight and just sleep, and all of this would end, right? All I have to do is… wait until night time and then… it’s all gonna be over, it’s all gonna be done.

I just gotta sleep, and then, it’s gonna disappear. And then everyone is gonna appear out of a bush and they’re gonna be ‘Surprise!’ and I’m gonna be like, ‘You guys! You’re always pranking me… you’ve always been there for me (sniffs). Every single time… except sometimes… when I needed you the most. I just go to bed… I just go to bed, and then I wake up, and none of this ever happened. And we’re gonna go back to my old life where I have fun and join parties and join groups and only see them disappear in front of my eyes as I start to get attached to them. Y-yeah, that’s- that’s- that’s the choice I’m making. Go back to that... (sigh). Just… or you know…”

LOTS to unpack here, and I’ll go one by one explaining certain aspects of this because it’s not just something that showcases Fundy’s insecurities.

Firstly, interesting how Fundy believed that the book was toying with him like how a lot of other people do. That’s what makes him afraid of the book- the feeling of being pushed around. The book is actively trying to use Fundy’s insecurities against him in order to make him more and more afraid of the truth. This is interesting because Fundy is known to be ignorant towards his actual issues (just look at his monologue), but the Other Fundy seems to be acutely aware of them. I will explain why he is aware of them later on.

Secondly, this is the most observable point, Fundy seems to be aware that he is quite frankly, alone, but tends to ignore it. He copes with his abandonment issues by treating his abandonment like a joke. He believes that every single person who’s left him did it as a prank. Even if he laughs at this idea, he is also evidently hurt by it. It hits even harder when you realize that Fundy is quite the dependent character, often sucking up to any person who gives him recognition. If Fundy depends on others to dictate his self-worth, how do you think he thinks of himself right now when he literally has nobody?

Putting emphasis on Fundy’s loneliness is going to be interesting because I do think some characters in future arcs are going to exploit that. If Quackity is going to use and manipulate Fundy the same way Sam does, then there would be no doubt that he will use Fundy’s loneliness against him. Even if it’s not Quackity who approaches Fundy first- even Bad, Sam, Dream, anyone, really, could use Fundy’s loneliness against him, which will make for an interesting plot point.

Lastly, not a lot of people spotted this, but this monologue also gives us insight as to why Fundy continued looking for the truth about his dreams instead of staying in his base and waiting for night. When talking about what to look forward to once he wakes up, he talks about how much “fun” he is going to have. Slowly, you see his denial start to dwindle as he finally admits that people leave him just as he gets attached to them. As much as Fundy wanted to wake up from this horrific dream, he realizes that, once he wakes up, he has nothing to look forward to either. That’s why he hesitates when he says “Yeah, that’s the choice I’m making,” because he realizes waking up isn’t as ideal as it seems. This is why Fundy immediately goes outside afterwards with no hesitation- Fundy has nothing left to lose, hence why he chooses to venture forth. Fundy is driven to do things because he feels like his life is purposeless anyway.

Fundy then begins to head outside quietly, zooming into the ominous building while walking right towards it. He then detours for a moment, walking towards the right of the building, and approaches a giant crater filled with obsidian and blackstone.

The explosion could symbolize two things:

Any of the L’Manberg explosions. With the obsidian and blackstone combination, my guess is that this is either the first Doomsday event (L’Manbergian War of Independence) because of L’Manberg’s walls, or the November 16th War because of Schlatt’s Podium. Why the big amount of blackstone and obsidian? Well, I’m not so sure when it comes to L’Manberg as its walls didn’t have obsidian, but for the November 16th war, I do think that the abundance of blackstone and obsidian is meant to represent how Fundy is reducing the November 16th war to Schlatt’s Podium. This can be alarming as he was the one who made Schlatt’s Podium, so reducing the war to that one building might symbolize that he blames himself for the war.

Another theory, which is the theory I subscribe to more, is that this is actually depicting an event in the future that we haven’t seen yet. Namely, the prison. If you zoom in on the explosion, the block pattern is quite reminiscent of the block pattern present in the prison.

While I’ll mostly discuss Fundy’s future predicting powers later, I do think that there’s a possibility that Fundy saw a vision of the future, unlike the past two days where he saw visions of the past. The prison might possibly be nuked in the future.

Fundy then proceeds to walk back towards the building, repetitively saying “no”. He claims he needs to find out, sounding more determined than before. For this, even if the explosion could represent many things, I do think Fundy is generally reminded of the explosions he had to witness throughout the history of the Dream SMP. Perhaps he believes that finding out the truth could prevent more explosions from occurring, perhaps he figured out that this was the prison and he needed to know why it exploded, perhaps him walking away from something that’s reminiscent of real life represents his choice of wanting to learn more about his dreams rather than sticking to anything similar to real life.

Moving on, Fundy enters the building, saying he wants to know what’s going on. The underground room seems to have changed a bit, as the chiseled quartz floors changed into quartz bricks. The place also seems to be littered with end stone blocks and bricks. The place is much darker as well, and the carpets on the floor and table seem to be gone entirely. Two skulls can be observed near the table.

My brain actually can’t reason as to why the end blocks were there, or why the quartz blocks changed. My guess is that the end stones will eventually connect to a future plot point relating to the End, but again, I’m not sure. The carpets being gone could represent that the love and happiness (red and yellow) that Fundy had disappeared completely. The dishevelled state of the room could represent that the secrets being held inside this underground room are finally breaking free as its confines tear down more and more.

Now the skulls- if we go by the theory I presented earlier, then the skulls are meant to represent canon deaths. If the skull was tucked into the corner, then that means death is to come, but if it’s near the table, then I believe the canon death already occurred. If two skulls are next to the table, then it could imply that whatever time period the day is set in should be around the time Fundy loses a second canon death, which hasn’t occurred yet. Again, this is all speculation, so I might be overthinking, but if the explosion is meant to represent the prison getting nuked, then there’s a possibility Fundy would lose a canon life before the prison gets destroyed.

Now, onto the juicy bit: the book. The book reads as follows:

“Hi. again.

...Why are we so persistent

...Why are we so stubborn

...You have been here before, but you keep coming back

...Why?

WHY???

You dont want to know the truth

It will hurt you

I dont want to be hurt again

YOU dont want to be hurt again

I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT

PLEASE JUST LEAVE

GO TO BED

FALL ASLEEP

ENJOY YOUR LIFE

ENJOY THE FUN THINGS

THE TRUTH ISNT WHAT YOU WANT

PLEASE

STOP THIS

STOP!!!”

The book tries scaring Fundy by spamming “WAKE UP” across multiple pages.

“It’s not going to work, huh..

Listen to me Fundy…

Your mind is not safe…

You are not imagining this…

This place might not be real…

But he is.

Spare yourself.

I need you to listen carefully.

Do not join him.

Whatever he asks of you.

Do NOT join him.

his plans aren’t as nice as they sound.

his intentions aren’t what you think they are.

he will use you

he will destroy you

everything you ever loved

everyone you ever cared about

do not join him.”

Before I explain this book, I think it’s best to also note down what was said in the next book as well so I can better explain what’s going on.

“note to self

hello

I just wrote this book to remember who I am

To remember what is happening

All the books I just found are indeed written by me

Listen to yourself

You suffer from a very odd illness

You suffer from a form of insomnia, within your own dreams.

Now the effects of this aren’t really known, and even I don’t fully know what is going on.

but let me tell you

somehow, this world, these actions and events, are linked to reality.

things that happen in these so-called “dreams”, tend to leak into the real world

they will actually happen.

you might wonder how exactly this is a bad thing.

the ability to predict certain events from happening, sounds pretty cool.”

Fundy then stops reading the book, seemingly overwhelmed by the influx of information. Analysis time, boys, time to unpack what this all means.

Firstly, I believe that this dream has happened before. Multiple times, actually. If certain “events” in the dream are meant to predict the future, then the moments involving the Camarvan on the first two days could imply that Fundy has seen this place before during the L’Manberg era where he could’ve predicted Eret’s betrayal and the loss of his father. If we think about it, the books could honestly be given to Fundy at any time period and it would work. Look at the entire section of the book describing someone who Fundy can’t trust- this “him” person could honestly be… anyone who abandoned Fundy? If the book hints at someone who might possibly hurt and use Fundy, then Eret, Wilbur, Schlatt, and Dream could also be considered. These people were nice to Fundy at first before betraying him one way or another. There is a possibility that this dream has warned Fundy about these people in the past, only for Fundy to forget about the dream. What about this time though, who is this “him” that’s going to betray Fundy during this time period? Well, the easy answer would be Quackity, but Bad could be a possibility as well. With the hint towards Quackity at the end, I do believe that Quackity would be the main suspect, but it’s also good to keep an open mind as we don’t know much of who Fundy’s involved with in Season 3.

Now, why would Fundy be able to forget about the dreams, though? I do think that whoever is responsible for writing the books are doing their best to prevent Fundy from uncovering the truth. Who do I think are the book authors? Well, I don’t think they were lying when they said that they were Fundy. I believe that, just like the Dream voice in Ranboo’s head, the Fundy that writes books would be some sort of conscience or subconscious in Fundy’s mind. This part of the mind holds certain memories repressed by Fundy, as well as some of the insecurities he chooses to ignore. They are aware of all of Fundy’s past visits of this dream, and they know the dangers of it, which is why they want Fundy to not uncover the truth.

The signed book claims that whatever Fundy sees in the dream will seep out into reality. Knowing this, I believe Fundy’s subconscious is trying to prevent Fundy from seeking out the truth to prevent these future visions from happening in real life; this especially applies to events that involve Fundy possibly being hurt. There is a possibility that this Fundy has seen past Fundy’s discover events like the Camarvan and the loss of Wilbur occur in dreams way past before it occurred in real life, so they feel afraid that our Fundy would uncover more and more truths that would become reality. While we don’t know if Other Fundy’s beliefs on future predicting is true, this gives us a better understanding of why they want Fundy to go to bed and wake up. (Additionally, the Other Fundy has placed emphasis on saying that the truth may hurt Fundy, so there is a possibility that these future events might involve something that heightens Fundy’s insecurities more. That’s why this Fundy seems to be so aware of Fundy’s insecurities- they have witnessed Fundy’s insecurities being used against him in certain visions.)

For the memory thing, so far, I believe a part of Fundy’s mind is actively suppressing all the memories Fundy has of his dreams. Fundy already represses a lot of his insecurities, so using Fundy’s insecurities against him might actually enable them to keep Fundy’s memories about the dream locked in the corners of his mind. The place where the book is kept in is underground, after all, but we do have to keep in mind that the building is getting closer and closer to Fundy’s main base. This could symbolize that Fundy will remember his dreams more once he wakes up.

So basically, so far, Fundy has dreamt this dream multiple times in the past, and during each dream, he witnesses an event in the future that could possibly happen in real life. Fundy’s subconscious, or possibly past versions of Fundy, are trying to warn future Fundy’s to not uncover too many truths about the dream as they believe this could possibly manifest terrible events to happen in real life. To get Fundy to go back to bed, they try scaring Fundy, using his insecurities against him, only this time, Fundy is a bit more disobedient because, again, he feels like he has nothing left to lose.

Another theory I have which I’m not 100% sure about is that this Other Fundy, as much as it has good intentions, may have committed a mistake when they tried to get Fundy to bed by using his insecurities. If anything in the dream may happen in real life, them heightening Fundy’s insecurities might pass over to the real world as well. While scaring Fundy could prevent him from uncovering the truth, it might’ve also been a double-edged sword as Fundy is more aware of his insecurities more than ever.

Continuing on, Fundy decided to leave the building, seeing that it’s night time. He sounds relieved knowing that he can sleep and that he can wake up from this dream. He celebrates for a moment, throwing the book away, but then he hesitates, saying he wants to know the truth. He picks the book up again but doesn’t read it immediately, claiming that he could just sleep instead of knowing the truth.

Fundy seems to revel in the idea of waking up for a bit until he mentions how much of a “blast” he can have with everyone once he wakes up. After mentioning this, he immediately picks up the book with no hesitation. This is the second time Fundy is shown to be motivated in finding the truth about his dreams because of him realizing how unfun the real world is. Again, Fundy is seen to be motivated by the fact that he has nothing left to lose, and as much as he is scared of this dream, he seems to prefer finding this world’s truth over going back into the real world where he’s practically alone.

Moving on, the book continues:

“however…

while this might be the case of dreams…

this is also the case for nightmares…

this is your last warning Fundy

please… for the both of us…

just wake up”

This part of the book simply affirms all I’ve theorized about earlier. The Other Fundy hints that some events that Fundy might witness in his dream would be detrimental to Fundy, which is why he doesn’t want Fundy to continue exploring. He knows that Fundy will possibly manifest an event that will ruin him in real life, so he wants Fundy to sleep instead of accidentally manifesting his demise.

vii. FOURTH DAY

Fundy then wakes up once more, complaining that this dream never ends. He goes outside, seeing a black, hooded figure slowly turn around and chase him. With a quickened heartbeat, he runs up his stairs to sleep in a black bed placed on the roof. Fundy screams as we see the hooded figure approach, and the screen fades to black. A white smiley face reminiscent of the one on Quackity’s skin appears on the screen as casino slots sound effects play in the background.

Now, what do I make of this? Well, firstly, we gotta point out that his bed at the end looked EERILY similar to a gravestone. A lot of websites claim that sleeping in a gravestone or seeing a gravestone could indicate change, especially when it comes to overcoming one’s sadness or problems. In a literal sense, we can think of it as something foreshadowing a future canon death, especially if we think that the person chasing Fundy is the grim reaper.

Speaking of that person, I do have a couple of explanations as to who this person is:

The person is death themselves, the grim reaper. This is the common conclusion everyone believes in, especially when we consider this “him” person possibly hurting Fundy, and that second skull in the underground room. Quackity is the main culprit for now, especially with that smiley face in the end, but there could be other possibilities! Like, what if someone takes Fundy’s canon life before he joins Quackity, which is why the smiley face only popped up after Fundy’s dream death? Mayhaps someone affiliated with Quackity might be doing the dirty work for him, so Bad, Sam, Dream, and anyone, really, could be responsible for Fundy’s future canon death. Moreover, the fact that this death occurs affirms the beliefs of the Other Fundy. The Other Fundy merely wants Fundy to be safe from possibly manifesting his demise in real life, but Fundy’s curiosity got the best of him, and in the next sequence, he was killed, proving that the Other Fundy was right in saying that Fundy should’ve just slept.

A theory I made up which I’m not 100% sure of is that this figure is actually Fundy’s subconscious trying to get him to sleep. When Fundy was being chased, we heard a quickened heartbeat, and where was the only other time we heard that? When Fundy was reading the “WAKE UP” and “you’re not real” messages from those books. We can view this as the Other Fundy’s attempt in trying to get Fundy to actually sleep by using another scare tactic against Fundy. And well… it did work! Because Fundy was afraid of this figure, Fundy went to sleep. There is also a possibility that this occurrence is what makes Fundy forget about the dream because his subconscious got a hold of Fundy and forcibly made him forget, but I’m not 100% sure about that one yet.

Lastly, the face! That should already allude to Fundy possibly joining Quackity’s lore, and with the “38 potatoes” symbolizing business opportunities, I expect Fundy to be joining Las Nevadas as a possible employee. Quackity does, in fact, prey on people who are insecure, and can easily get them to do whatever he wants because of his words. If he can get Sam to give him the tools needed to torture Dream, Quackity might exploit Fundy’s loneliness into making him do whatever Quackity wants from him.

Another face that this could possibly connect to is the face in the Egg lair! While I’m leaning more towards Quackity because of the casino sounds, I do wanna say that the Egg and the Eggpire could possibly be connected as well, especially when the Egg could provide Fundy anything he wants. Just like how Quackity could prey on Fundy’s insecurities, the Egg preys on those who feel like they’re missing something, so as much as Fundy could be manipulated by Quackity, he could also be manipulated by the Egg. Additionally, business opportunities could apply to the Eggpire as well as they’ve contacted Purpled in the past to assassinate Puffy, so who’s to say they won’t try adding Fundy to the Eggpire?

TLDR; This entire stream showcased both Fundy’s insecurities and Fundy’s future predicting powers and how this “Other Fundy”, aka his subconscious, wants him to repress them because they believe that if Fundy uncovers the secrets of his dream more, then Fundy would accidentally manifest his demise in real life. Additionally, Fundy is very lonely, making him vulnerable of being used in the future because he is desperate to get any type of recognition from anybody. In summary, be afraid of Fundy’s future lore streams, be very afraid.

viii. ADDITIONAL NOTES

Even when I finish this, there’s a lot of questions to ask about this stream that I want you to keep in mind:

How many times has Fundy encountered this before?

How does Fundy forget all the information he got from the dreams?

How does Fundy write to himself?

Why is there so many details connected to Karl, and what does it have to do with time travelling?

Why does Fundy return to his bed every time his heartbeat quickens when reading a book?

Was the first scene part of the dream or not?

Could the underground room’s structure actually mean something?

And there’s probably more, but just saying, keep an open mind about this entire stream because there’s definitely a lot more to uncover.

I want to reiterate: I am not the Messiah, so don’t take my word as the truth and the absolute truth. I’d love to hear your thoughts about Fundy’s stream as a lot of it could be up for speculation! The entire thing is filled to the brim with symbolisms, so there could be a lot of interpretations to consider. If you enjoyed this, feel free to like and retweet because I worked my ASS off with this one.

Special thanks to the following:

Fundy and any of the Dream SMP members because that stream was INCREDIBLE. Go give them your love and support.

kingjem for always being there whenever I want to discuss any ideas I have about the Dream SMP. One of the smartest bitches I know, go follow them.

To all my betas who reviewed this document since I have a TON of grammar mistakes (thanks English): prismartist, bootsforthebootsgod, Finni_june (twt), ender-hyperfocuses-on-things, and Dngertosociety2 (twt)

And to all of you who like this post and would share it to other people! All support is appreciated. :D

#fundy #dream smp #mcyt #long post

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