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sunshine-on-marz · 3 months

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Sweeter

Dean Winchester x Reader

Setting: Highschool- Season 1

Being Dean’s favorite has some perks ;) and falling in love with him is.. well it’s a journey

Tw: canon level violence, parental death

You’d practically been thrown into Dean Winchester. You were both 16 years old and by some stroke of luck, two hunters’ kids wound up at the same school at the same time. You weren’t friends per se but you’d talked. But now, some girl was shoving you down the hall and screaming in your face about ‘stealing her boyfriend’.

“I didn’t sleep with your boyfriend!” You shout, an attempt to defend yourself without punching this girl in the nose. And you hadn’t slept with him, he just thought you were pretty and he’d been caught staring. “Yes you did!” She screeched as she poked your chest and pushed you back by your shoulders. You felt your back hit something- someone. Their hands fell to your hips as he moved you slightly to the side and stepped around you. “She said she didn’t do anythin’. Maybe your boyfriend just isn’t that into you.” It was Dean. He’d left one hand gently on your hips, despite having to reach back. You were completely zoned out while Dean talked to the girl, by the time you’re back to earth she’d stormed off and Dean crouched down slightly, right infront of your face. “Hey sugar, thought you got lost in that head of yours” Dean smiles, gently tapping your temple. You smile “I- uh- sorry. And thank you! You didn’t have to do that” you stumble over your words, but god, Dean’s smile made you forget all about your awkwardness. “I wanted to step in” he says, his smile doesn’t falter. “No really, that was sweet of you Dean” he stands back up, gently resting his hands back on your hips “you’re sweeter” he leans down and kisses the top of your head “now let’s get you to class” he slid the backpack off your shoulder and hooked it on his.

Dean swore to himself that day that not only would no one ever mess with you again as long as he’s around, you’d also, never again carry a bag if he could help it. So every morning, before the first bell he’d find you, take your bag, and walk you to your first period, and he’d walk you to every class after that.

One day, your parents didn’t pick you up from the bus, so Dean brought you back to the motel he was in, he introduced you to Sam and that little boy adored you from the first moment. Dean was content to just sit and watch you talk to Sam about school. Somewhere deep down Dean was happy someone was encouraging Sam to learn. Then your phone rang.

“Let me take this” you smile at Dean as you walk out the motel room. A minute or so later you walked back in, crying. “Woah, hey, what’s wrong?” Dean hardly got the words out before he was pulling you into his arms. “My parents” and that was all you had to say.

John, thankfully, took pity on a kid with no parents, so from that day on you were riding with the Winchesters.

And Dean? He was looking at you through the review with hearts in his eyes. Absolutely enamored he was, and Sam and his father wouldn’t let him forget it. With John, it was more of hitting Dean’s forearm to make him refocus. With Sam though? That kid was relentless.

“[y/n] and Dean sittin’ in a-“ Sam’s little song was cut off by Dean throwing a pillow across the room at him, then putting his arm back around your waist. Dean leans towards you “ignore him, he’s just being… he’s being Sam”. You chuckle at him “and Sam is my favorite Winchester”. Dean’s faux outrage somehow devolved too you writhing in his lap as he tickled you. The fun all stopped when the door lock clicked. Immediately the three of you sat straight up. John coming back from a hunt either meant packing and leaving or he immediately falls asleep. And waking up John Winchester is never a good option.

It was like this for years, pining between you and Dean that the both of you refused to acknowledge. Pining that only got harder to hide when Sam left. When it was just you Dean and John it meant that you and Dean found yourselves alone more often, with no little brother to tease you whenever the both of you held eye contact for a bit too long or let your hands brush while sitting on the sofa. Infact, at some point, you’d stopped hiding your closeness from John too. Allowing him to walk in on you curled up next to Dean watching a movie.

Dean never let you go on a solo hunt, not once. And in all honesty you were fine with that, when you wanted alone time bashing monster skulls wasn’t exactly your choice of self care.

Now, not too say he was distracted on hunts, but when he’d get a glimpse of you in the zone, it was sure to stick in his mind. And he always made sure to patch you up after hunts, he’d try and ignore the wound on his arm that probably needs stitched in favor of putting a bandage on your scraped elbow. He was sweet about it too, uncharacteristically sweet.

“This might sting doll” he says softly “but I’ve gotta clean it”, Dean presses a kiss to your shoulder while he dabs your cut with a cotton pad soaked in rubbing alcohol. “Dean I’m alright” you say, but the way you hissed in pain tells a different story. He shakes his head as he wraps your arm with a bandage. “Does this seem a bit like overkill to you?” Dean just smiled as you gestured to your arm “maybe, but maybe I just like taking care of you”

Sam coming back was one of the best things to ever happen to you both, especially once you three got back into a rhythm.

But along with Sam came his teasing.

“God you two are still at it?” Sam asked from across the motel. “At what?” Dean knew exactly what he was getting at, but acknowledging it meant he was admitting to everything Sam hinted at over the years, and well, Dean wasn’t ready for all that. “You know exactly what” you could practically hear Sam’s eye roll in his voice. “Enough you two” you lean into Dean’s side. “Yes ma’mm” Dean mumbled into your hair as he kissed the top of your head.

Dean was pissed, to say the least. He hadn’t wanted you on the hunt, but Sam stuck up for you, saying you’re perfectly capable, and now you’re unconscious in the backseat because of some kind of witch spell. “I said she shouldn’t come.” Dean mumbled as he reached back to grab your limp hand. “Dean I already said I’m sorry” Sam really did feel bad, but right now that wasn’t on the forefront of Dean’s mind. “I don’t give a damn how sorry you are! My girl is curled up in the backseat and she won’t wake up till God knows when because you wanted her on this hunt!” Dean wasn’t quite yelling, but his tone said enough. “Your girl?” Sam cocked his brow and leaned against the window “she isn’t yours just because you’re in love with her” Dean didn’t even try to hide his glare.

Dean carried you inside that night, laying you down in his motel bed. You and Dean have been sharing beds since you were 17, but it’s always different when you’re out cold. He kissed your cheek and took off your shoes. He’s so gentle with you, like always. Slowly your eyes start to open “Dean?” As soon as he hears your voice he walks to the head of the bed, gently cupping your cheeks “hey sweetheart, how ya feeling? Have sweet dreams?” Your little chuckle makes his stress fade immediately.

“Hey doll can I talk to ya?” Now the last time Dean asked that question was 6 months ago when he said he wanted to go pick up Sam. “Yea.. yea we can talk! What about?” You make room on the motel bed for him to sit, he does. “Now I’m just gonna say this and I need you to let me finish before you say anything back, alright?” You nod. “I think- no. I know I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for years sweetheart. And I’ve spent years wondering what it’d be like to get with you. And not just get with you—actually be with you. Be your boyfriend. Be able to actually kiss you and stuff. And I know you dont feel the same, and that’s fine. That’s alright. But I had to tell you” you were in awe at his confession, all you did was lean into his chest. “Love you too Dean” he leans down and kisses the top of your head. “Can I kiss you?” He asks as he lifts your head up by hooking his thumb under your chin. “Yea you can” and that’s all the confirmation he needed to lean down and kiss you.

And after 10 years, you were finally dating Dean Winchester.

A/N: I LOVE how this turned out

#dean winchester x you #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x female!reader #dean winchester #supernatural dean #dean supernatural #supernatural x you #supernatural x reader #supernatural

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scoobydoodean · 4 months

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Something fun for you to ponder. When Sam was soulless, Bobby thought there was a chance that, "This is just Sam." I think it's because Sam tends to perform empathy somewhat selectively, at times more cognitively than emotionally. Do I personally think it's a neurodivergent trait? Yes, I do. BUT. It's hilarious to me that Bobby looked at soulless Sam and thought, "Hmm. There's a good chance that's just Sam." No?

Ho ho! Very interesting.

From 6.06 "You Can't Handle the Truth":

DEAN I don't know how much longer I can do this, Bobby. You got to figure out what the hell he is and fast. BOBBY I'm trying. But, Dean, there's a worst-case scenario. DEAN What, Satan's my co-pilot? Yeah, I know. BOBBY Well, that'd be the other worst case. DEAN Well, then what? BOBBY Maybe it's just Sam

Notably: This happens before anyone knows Sam is soulless and before Sam has admitted that he doesn't feel anything, but after Sam has let Dean get attacked and turned by a vampire.

I don't think that Bobby disagrees with Dean that Sam is acting different from before (I think that's why he calls it a worst case scenario). Sam has been putting everybody on edge, not just Dean (Samuel says that Sam scares him in 6.07). I think what Bobby is considering is that Sam simply isn't the same person after The Cage—that Sam compartmentalized his emotions to deal with the trauma—turned himself into a stone cold killing machine as a coping tool—and now Sam doesn't know how to warm back up to feeling anymore or caring about anyone or anything (or maybe can't because it's still too raw). Bobby's considering the idea that Sam may have simply cracked open and spilled his emotions out on the floor somewhere and left them behind... which ironically, is pretty much what happened?

Bobby is aware of similar (though less extreme) behavior from Sam in the past in coping with trauma. In fact, he arguably knows this side of Sam better than Dean does. Sam ghosted Bobby while Dean was in hell (and for months in 3.11 "Mystery Spot", though Bobby doesn't remember that). It wasn't that Sam stopped feeling (he was full of anguish and rage), but he did push Bobby away and focus obsessively on revenge, hunting like a machine. Sam pushed away the potential to talk through Dean's death with someone else who loved Dean and understood a lot of the grief Sam was feeling because it opened him up to a dangerous amount of vulnerability.

This is very John-coded behavior from Sam and it doesn't represent a lack of emotion as much as it represents "I feel so much that I cannot stand the idea of touching that emotion or I will break". It's a refusal to engage with and feel certain emotions, because if he did, he wouldn't be able to get up. Anger is fuel that burns hot and keeps you moving, but grief and fear can rip the life from you.

Consider even John's way of dealing with the worry he perpetually felt about Sam. Yelling and telling Sam never to come back when Sam wanted to go to school, making the fight all about betrayal and responsibility when deep down the entire time, John was just scared that Sam would get hurt (1.08, 1.20). Griping at Sam as a kid for wanting to play soccer (1.08), but without Sam's knowledge, quietly placing Sam's soccer trophy in a storage unit because John couldn't bear to throw it away even though there was no room for it on the road (3.03). John buried certain representations of affection and love because they were fraught with so much terror. Being open about how much he cared exposed him to feeling so much fear he couldn't cope with it, and John feels emotions incredibly deeply like Dean does. When the crying starts he cannot stop. It isn't macho bullshit—it isn't "I'm a man so this is unacceptable"—it's "If I feel this emotion right now at this exact moment then I will shatter into a million pieces".

Sam does the same thing when Dean is dead. Bobby represents vulnerability, family, and love—talking about how much Dean meant to both of them. The rage is easier. Being a hunting machine in 3.11 is easier. Focusing on murdering demon and training to kill Lilith is easier.

When the people Dean loves are in pain, Dean talks to them—he tells them how much he cares about them. He lets himself be vulnerable with it. Sam wants something to do and he needs to take charge. We see this is in 5.07 after Bobby reveals that he's having suicidal thoughts. Dean is distraught, and Sam is too (we see how much Bobby's opinion of him matters to Sam in 5.01)—but Sam just tells Bobby he isn't going to let him sacrifice himself, then jumps into action and focuses on the mission, while Dean lingers at Bobby's side. Then at the end of the episode, Dean sits down with Bobby alone and tells him how much he loves him and needs him. I don't think Sam could have that conversation at that point in his life. I genuinely don't think he could—and not because he doesn't love Bobby, but because he can't touch the distress that would surface from a discussion like that. One could argue Sam really does the same thing in 3.10, stepping outside of Bobby's house and seeking out Jeremy inside Bobby's dream while Dean goes up the stairs and finds Bobby and again—opens himself up to vulnerable emotions and expresses how much Bobby means to him—that he sees him as a father and he can't lose him. Sam focuses on finding the guy doing all of this and skirts the emotional vulnerability.

I think this is something Bobby, then, is very familiar with from Sam, so when he takes it to an extreme, where Sam is now dealing with a traumatic experience from being in The Cage, he can easily see how Sam would suppress his emotions and focus on hunting like a machine yet again, and how that could possibly reach such an extreme that Sam would stop feeling altogether and maybe not know how to or not be able to come back from that. And you know... I've never thought of this before in this exact way, but how did Sam's soul and body get separated in The Cage? Is there anything that disproves the idea that Sam himself ripped his soul from his body to cope with Lucifer's torture?

#do i look like a ditchable prom date to you?#sam and bobby #dean and bobby #dean the narrative heart #3.10 #5.07 #6.06 #mail #shal #john #we probably have a lot more in common than just about anyone #sam and isolation

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postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 5 months

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Supernatural reboot where Sam does not believe in the supernatural when the series starts. Yes the original pitch concept is just soo juicy when you think about it a little too much like I do. This is slightly tweaked.

Sam escapes his family to go to college not because he wants out of the life of the monster-killing business. He escapes them because he thinks they're utterly crazy and there’s no monster-killing business because there are no monsters.

Growing up, John brings Dean along on hunts and leaves Sam sheltered to keep him safe (and keep him away from possible corrupting supernatural influences...) so Sam never really gets to know the monstrous John and Dean go after. If he has glimpses of it growing up, he's ready to dismiss those as deceptions of the brain of an impressionable kid, as tricks of anxiety, of exhaustion, of stress. Maybe even as John and Dean’s craziness rubbing off him, something that scares him, pushing him even more to distance himself from them.

He really does not want to end up like Dean, who has soaked up John’s delusions entirely. He wants to stay sane. He’s worried that the psychosis might be genetic, a weight that’s always in some corner of his mind. He hopes it’s not, and in the meanwhile his best bet is to get away, to live a normal life, to surround himself with normal people.

It works. He goes to college, he lives the most regular of lives imaginable. He has friends and a girlfriend and has good grades and a positive outlook on his future. He never really speaks about his family. His friends can draw some guesses from his vague information—that his mother died when he was very little, too little to remember anything about her; that his father is not exactly winning any parenting awards; that he has a brother who is basically a copy of their father. They can guess that his childhood was not good, but they don’t pester him for details. They know it’s not something Sam wants to talk about. But it’s reasonable. Lots of people have bad childhoods.

Dean doesn’t show up in the middle of the night. He shows up on campus, he joins Sam and his friends for lunch. It’s tense. Sam’s friends’s idea of Dean is not exactly flattering – and it doesn’t help that Dean looks as different as your average nice Stanford student as you can imagine. Leather, tattoos, weird jewelry and creepy amulets. They hope that the thing that dangles from of his earrings and that looks alarmingly like a mouse skull is not authentic. It’s also obvious that the last time the two brothers saw each other didn’t exactly end well.

Dean asks Sam to join him in his search for their missing father. Sam obviously refuses, unwilling to get dragged into his family’s paranoias and delusions. But Dean insists. There’s no girlfriend burning on the ceiling in this version. Sam really does not want to go, his friends and girlfriend obviously back him up. But cracks start appearing into Sam’s opposition to Dean’s request. Deep down, he loves his brother. He starts thinking that maybe, if he goes with him, he can help Dean. There’s a chance Dean might rub his craziness off Sam, but also a chance Sam might rub his sanity off Dean. His friends think he’s out of his mind, he has a big fight with his girlfriend about it, but eventually he decides to give Dean a chance. Only for a little while. Just a toe in the water. Just testing the waters. No getting involved in anything crazy, just making sure Dean doesn’t do anything dangerous.

But then he starts suspecting that Dean has something to do with John’s disappearance. That something isn’t quite right. He starts feeling uneasy. He starts getting scared that his fears are coming true, but also chastises himself for being irrational and swayed by foolish concoctions of the illogical side of his mind.

It definitely doesn’t help that weird things happen around them. He rationalizes them every time, but he’s increasingly unsettled.

He’s torn between trusting his feelings and dismissing them as emotional nonsense. He’s torn between wanting to stay away from Dean for his own sake and sticking with him for Dean’s sake.

It’s only at the end of the first season that Sam is faced by the irrefutable proof that it was all real. And it’s a terrifying journey with a terrifying conclusion – but once Sam is in, something shifts. Because Dean is no longer the crazy brother. Because John’s behavior was never a mental illness rooted in his DNA. Sam sheds a weight, after all. And his relationship with his brother can be built all over again – from scratch, which is anything but easy, but on the solid grounds of a shared experience.

#supernatural reboot concept #purely hypothetical mental experiment of course #feel free to tweak it or add your own concepts!!#spn

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marvelfanfn2187a113 · 9 months

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Betrayal part 2:

Synopsis: Sam and Dean are at odds after what happened, and Sam tried to make up for his mistakes

Author’s note: not my best work, but I wanted to wrap up the fic a little more, so enjoy!

Sam had never wanted to share a bed so badly in his life. In all the years that he and Dean had been responsible for you, it was always a good day when he got a motel bed to himself. He and Dean would trade on and off with who had to share a bed with you, and who got a bed to himself.

But now, it had been two weeks since the demon blood incident. Fourteen nights, and each and every one of them you slept in Dean’s bed, even after Sam had completely detoxed from demon blood.

Sam was beginning to wonder if it was you choosing this, too scared to be that close to Sam without Dean in between you, or if it was Dean, too angry at Sam to trust him near you.

Either way, each night was just a reminder of how completely and utterly he had screwed up. He couldn’t decide what was worse; his own guilt eating away at him, the way you seemed to gravitate towards Dean whenever Sam got too close, like you were looking for protection, or the way that Dean refused to let you anywhere alone with Sam. And Dean was barely speaking to him, which was also pretty bad. Dean wasn’t one to hold grudges, at least not against family. But this was different. If Sam had failed you somehow, that would’ve been one thing. But this was so much worse. Failing you as a big brother would’ve been letting you get hurt somehow. But what he did…

He didn’t let you get hurt. He hurt you.

That wasn’t something he was ever going to forgive himself for. But a little part of him was still holding out hope that Dean could forgive him. He wasn’t worried about you forgiving him, he was pretty sure you already had, which almost made him feel worse. The idea that you could forgive him so quickly, before you’d even stopped having nightmares about what he’d done to you, just made him feel even more like a monster for hurting you.

Dean, however, wasn’t about to let this slide. There was nothing Sam could do except try his best to make up for what he’d done, although he had no idea how.

“Hey, we gotta case,” Sam snapped out of his thoughts just in time to catch John’s journal that Dean had thrown at him.

“What is it?”

Dean shrugged into a jacket, “Not sure. Three mysterious deaths, only about an hour away. I’m gonna go talk to the families, you do some research.”

Sam noticed you putting your coat on and frowned.

“And she’s going with you?”

Dean turned, “Yeah, and?”

Sam scoffed.

“Well she’s a little young to pass for an agent.”

“So she’ll wait in the car.”

Sam glanced at you. You didn’t seem ready to jump into the conversation, so he kept going.

“Or she could stay here. Work on homework, help me with research. It’d be easier for everyone.”

Dean placed a hand on your back, leading you out the door.

“Nah, she’s fine. Have fun.”

The door slammed shut before Sam could protest.

…

Sam was ready and waiting with everyone’s favorite fast food order when you and Dean returned to the motel.

Dean gave him a gruff nod, but Sam grinned when you smiled at him. Any little thing that showed him you were coming around was basically Christmas morning. Well, not his definition of Christmas morning, but a normal person’s.

Sam and Dean compared notes on the case while you sat on one of the beds watching tv. By the time the boys were done, Sam looked over to see you fast asleep.

Dean stood, heading for the bed, but Sam grabbed his arm.

“You should get your own bed,” he insisted. “You need a good night’s rest, you did all the leg work today.”

Dean shrugged his hand off.

“I’m fine.”

Sam scoffed, “It’s more than that, Dean. You can trust me with her.”

Dean gritted his teeth.

“I would’ve thought so too, two weeks ago.”

“Dean, I’ve apologized for that a thousand different times, an-and I’m trying to make up for it! Let me do that.”

Dean stepped away from Sam and sat next to your sleeping form on the bed.

“No, Sam. You do what you think you should, try to make amends if it’ll make you feel better. But that won’t include asking me to trust you. Not after this, not until I say so. You don’t get to make that call.”

Sam dragged his hand over his face, dropping his head so he wouldn’t have to look Dean in the eye.

“Alright, yeah. Your call.”

…

Sam awoke to the jarring feeling of someone shaking his shoulder. He bolted up to a sitting position, eyes scanning for some kind of danger. Instead, he vaguely made out your figure in the darkness, standing beside his bed. He remained alert, unsure of why you would’ve come to him.

If you were in danger, surely you would’ve just woken Dean, who wasn’t even six inches away from you. The soft sound of your crying made him feel both relieved and hurt. If there was a danger, you’d be yelling, not crying, but he’d really prefer neither to be happening.

“Baby, what is it?” Sam kept his voice quiet, not wanting to wake Dean.

“The demons…the demons got you,” you were trying to whisper, but the lump in your throat made it hard to get the words out quietly. “And-and you wouldn’t wake up, and I-I thought…” you broke off, your whole body shaking as you tried to breathe through your sobbing.

“Hey, hey,” Sam pulled you into his arms, letting you climb up on the bed with him. “It was a dream, you were dreaming, honey. I’m ok, I’m just fine.”

“You wouldn’t wake up,” Sam felt you fisting his shirt in your hands, pulling him as close as possible.

“It’s ok, I’m awake. I’m sorry, N/N, I must’ve been sleeping pretty deeply.” Deep sleep was a pretty rare occurrence for him, and he was annoyed that now was the time for it to happen. How long had you been trying to wake him up, afraid that he was dead?

“It felt so real,” your tears had stopped, but you still clung to Sam with all your strength. He held you as though you were made of glass, too afraid to hold you tightly. Perhaps he was too used to being treated as dangerous.

“I know it did, I know,” Sam rested his chin on top of your head. “But it wasn’t. I’m ok. You should go back to sleep.”

You shifted in his arms, turning your head up to look at him.

“Can I stay here?”

If you weren’t so distressed, he would’ve grinned.

“Of course you can.”

He tried to lay back on the bed, and his stomach twisted when he noticed that you wouldn’t let go of him, not even for a second. He didn’t pull you away, instead he held you tighter and struggled a bit to lay down with you still in his arms. He didn’t want to scare you anymore than you already were, so if that meant letting you Velcro yourself to him, that was alright by him.

Once he was settled back on his pillows, he felt you shift so that your head was resting in the middle of his chest. He felt your whole body instantly relax, and he knew you must be listening to his heartbeat. He kept his arms around you, almost as comforted by your presence as you were by his.

To think that you were ok with being this vulnerable around him, even if it was because of your nightmare, made him think that maybe, just maybe, everything would be ok again.

…

Dean awoke with the sense that something was off, and it took him a moment to realize what. He was alone in the bed.

He forced himself to remain calm as he scanned the hotel room. Surely you were around here somewhere.

His brief look around gained him nothing, so he quickly stepped out of bed and did a thorough sweep of the room. Nothing; even the bathroom was empty. He was about to head out to see if you’d gone outside to stretch your legs, when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.

A flash of Y/H/C nestled under Sam’s chin, the lump under the blanket too big to be just him. When Dean stepped closer, he saw your face, leaning against Sam’s chest, the two of you breathing softly, almost in sync.

At first he was taken aback, then confused, then torn. He still didn’t trust Sam, he couldn’t, not after what he’d done to you. Dean was determined to keep you at arm’s length from Sam, and he was even more determined to keep you close to himself. He hadn’t been watching you closely enough, and that was why Sam was able to hurt you in the first place. He wouldn’t let that happen again.

But at the same time, there was only so much he could do if you were this determined to forgive Sam. If you were this ready to just hop into Sam’s bed and fall asleep next to him, without Dean’s protection between you and Sam, how was Dean supposed to protect you?

He didn’t have long to ponder his dilemma, however, because just then Sam started to stir, and you let out a soft whine when he sat up, dislodging you from your comfortable place using him as a pillow.

“Sorry,” Sam mumbled as he blinked the sleep out of his eyes, turning his head to look at Dean. “Hey. We got any new leads?”

Dean just shook his head, his eyes still trained on you as you sat up groggily, rubbing your face.

Sam followed Dean’s line of sight before turning back to his brother, shrugging and mouthing, ‘nightmare’.

Dean resisted the urge to grit his teeth. A nightmare? He should’ve expected that would be the reason, but lately your nightmares had been about Sam hurting you. So why had you gone to him?

“Can we get breakfast? I’m starving,” you mumbled, slipping off the bed and walking up to Dean. Dean couldn’t help the way his body relaxed when you were close to him, close enough so he could protect you if he had to. He was really starting to hate this part of him; somewhere, deep inside, he knew that Sammy wouldn’t hurt you, but Dean’s protective nature wouldn’t let him let go of the image in his head, the image of your blood running down Sam’s chin, seeing you cry out to your big brother to help you, only for him to hurt you.

He wanted to trust Sam again, he really did. But that image was seared into his brain, and as long as it remained there, so did Dean’s instinct to jump between you and Sam any chance he got.

“Dean?” Dean blinked as your hand waved in front of his face. “You ok?”

Dean cleared his throat, a light smile coming to his face.

“Yeah, I’m good. Look, we got some work to do here, so why don’t you grab us some stuff from the vending machine for breakfast, alright?”

Dean handed you a few dollars, and you shrugged and left to find some food.

“When did she…” Dean barely waited for the motel room door to close before he turned to Sam.

“I don’t know, middle of the night sometime. Look, I know you don’t want me near her, but she was really freaked. I wasn’t about to push her away.”

Dean shook his head, “No, and I wouldn’t want you to.”

“Ok,” Sam sighed. “So what do you want?”

“I don’t know. I know I want her to be safe.”

“She is,” Sam’s voice was resolute. “She’s safe with me, I promise. Look, I know how bad I screwed up. I know I hurt her. I would do anything, anything, to undo that, but I can’t. And I know you’re never going to forget this, and that’s fine, because neither am I. I can live with that. But what I can’t live with, is you keeping her away from me. I need to show her, and you, that I’m sorry. And that this is never gonna happen again. So, do what you have to do, hate me, keep me in the doghouse forever, but just…just don’t keep her away from me.”

“I wasn’t trying to take her away from you,” Dean stood, checking out the window to make sure you weren’t coming back yet. “I just needed…” Dean dropped his gaze from Sam’s penetrating stare. “I need to keep her close, Sam. You think you’re the only one who screwed up here? You were in detox, and I didn’t watch her close enough.”

“Dean, it’s not your-“

“Yes, yes it is my fault,” Dean interrupted Sam before he could finish the thought. “You were unhinged, and unpredictable, and I didn’t keep her close enough. And she got hurt. I can’t let that happen again, she won’t get hurt on my watch, never again.”

Sam nodded, “Ok. I mean, I don’t agree with you but I get what you mean. So what, you just can’t let her be alone with me, ever? Because you think that-“

“No!” Dean cleared his throat, trying to calm himself before he spoke again. “No. I’m just saying…I’m not trying to shun you from her life. Just know that…and if I start to get a bit overprotective, or if I don’t let you near her sometimes…I just wanted you to know that it’s not all you. It’s not just you that I don’t trust, it’s me.”

Sam gave Dean a melancholy smile.

“Ok then. I get it.”

Dean nodded.

“Ok. So…I’ll try to give you a little more room with her, but you gotta let me be protective sometimes.”

Sam’s smile turned real.

“Deal. Hey, I understand protecting her. I’m her big brother too.”

Dean returned the smile, “I suppose you are.”

The door to the motel room opened, and you entered with an armload of snacks.

“Sorry it took so long, the close one was busted to I had to walk all the way around.”

Dean ruffled your hair and snatched up a bag of pretzels.

“Thanks, squirt.”

You looked between the two brothers, and they knew that you were sensing the difference in atmosphere already.

“You guys good?”

Sam smiled at you and placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, reaching over you to grab his own snack. He was happy to see that Dean didn’t tense in the slightest.

“Yeah. Yeah, we’re just fine.”

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alexsoenomel · 1 year

Text

In The Air Tonight (Sub!Dean Winchester x Reader smut)

Summary: You like Dean but you are too shy to tell him until one night...

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: sexy times with Dean, teasing and bj :)

Word count: 1782

Note: Wrote it in the first person, it’s an old one. Like/ reblog or both if you like it :)

You know when your crush is so intense you find yourself not being able to function properly? Well, that’s how I felt every freaking day for the past 10 years ever since I started working with The Winchesters. After my parents died in an “unexplainable” fire (like their mother did) I had nowhere to go. I was 17 and hunting was still new to me. My parents never wanted me to live this life, we kind of got dragged into it by vengeance after we found out my aunt was murdered by a nest of vampires. After that hunt, there was another and another until we stopped counting and accepted our new life. At times it was exciting the adrenaline and traveling but other times I felt like giving it up. It was a love-hate relationship. My father told me if anything bad happens to them, to just call John (old friend of his), he will help. And after the fire I did, only to be greeted by Dean’s voice and the sentence “John is dead”. They took me in and the rest was history. After a while they learned that they could trust me and eventually I became family.

After few years of hunting with them I became quite skilled and found myself looking at the older Winchester more than usual. In fact at times I couldn’t stop staring. There was something so mesmerizing about him and his whole being I couldn’t put my finger on it. I don’t know if it was because of his piercing green eyes, his charm, and humor or overall just his heart, but I was head over heels for that dude. I managed to hide it at first, from him and from Sam, but I knew it wouldn’t last. My face was like an open book, you could read me easily. That’s how Sam found out.

One night after a hunt Dean came out of the bathroom in just his towel around his waist (Yeah…) to the library for whatever reason. Sam and I were deep in the books because we couldn’t sleep. When I saw him my cheeks went completely red and I refused to look at him until he went to his room.

“Oh no…” Sam then came to a conclusion not whipping a huge ass grin off his face.

“Oh no what Sam?” I tried to play along.

“Oh no you have a crush.”

I gave him a typical harsh NO for an answer. I was lying my ass off and Sam could see right through it.

“Liar.”

And after denying it for like two minutes I finally gave up. “Okay fine I like him.”

“Since when?”

“Don’t know.” I mumbled. “You can’t tell him Sam.”

“Oh I won’t he will find out soon enough.” He laughed.

“What do you mean?”

“(Y/N) when he walked in you were red as a beet and practically drooling.”

“Hmm, good point.”

After that we never spoke about it again. I pretended like everything was fine and normal, but we all know how that shit always fails. And it did thankfully one night after me and Dean went to the bar we would always go after a successful hunt. Sam said he would go take a walk to the bunker saying he wanted some me time. I knew he just wanted me to spill my feelings to his older brother. Well after two glasses of whiskey I almost did. We talked about childhood, good and bad times, confessed stuff that was on our minds in that moment…We had a pretty good time. When clock hit 2am we knew it was probably best to go and get some rest. We were both tipsy but Dean was still capable to drive. When he finally pulled up in front of the bunker and as I was about to unbuckle my seatbelt when…

“Wait!”

“Yeah?” As I turned to look at him he leaned in and kissed me. I was taken aback for a second before I kissed him back. It was like swallowing something sweet with lots of alcohol. I undid my seatbelt and leaned in slamming him against his seat before moving on his lap. I could barely fit but I managed somehow. We stayed like this for a while; kissing and groping each other like a couple of teenagers before breaking the kiss to finally face each other.

“Well then…” I broke the ice not really knowing what to say. He brushed his thumb against my cheek not taking his gorgeous eyes off me.

“Yeah one word, wow.”

“Did you know I would kiss you back? Was I that obvious?” I asked him remembering Sam’s words.

“Yes and no.”

“How though?”

“I just felt like there was something more between us. I can’t explain it.”

“There was something in the air tonight, huh?” I remembered that song my dad used to play in the car while traveling.

Dean smiled because he caught my reference. Phil Collins never gets old. “Yeah you could say that.”

“Since when?”

“Since when what?”

“Since when you see me more than a friend?”

“It has been so long at this point I don’t even know.”

“Same here.” I cupped his head with my hands and kissed him, this time hungrily telling him exactly what he wanted to hear. Now that secret was out, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We barely made it to his room without waking Sam up. We pushed each other against the car, front door and hallway walls until we finally reached Dean’s bedroom. I was pretty sure we will end up with bruises tomorrow. I slammed the door shut and locked it just in case Sam wakes up.

I kissed Dean as I pushed him against the door making him gasp. When I couldn’t breathe anymore I broke away and started unbuttoning his flannel.

“Jesus (Y/N) what has gotten into you?” Dean smirked.

“I think you know my answer.” I responded. “You.”

Taking off his flannel I pulled him by his belt telling him to follow me to his bed and that was exactly what he did. He sat down and like a puppy watched as I undressed myself scanning every inch of me. I liked the attention he was giving me which was strange because I would usually shy away whenever he would look at me. Leaving only underwear on I sat on his lap and kissed him again as I slowly moved my lips on his jaw then on kiss neck leaving bite marks in the process. There was just something I liked about biting.

His hands were on my hips and as I started to grind his grip tightened. I could already feel how hard he really was.

“Are you actually trying to kill me?” He said almost out of breath.

“Kinda.” I smirked pushing him onto the mattress.

“How are you so…?”

“What?” I asked him undoing his belt. “Dominant?”

“Yes, that. And you’re always so shy.”

Taking off his pants I laughed and gave him the answer he wanted. “Shy girls are always full of surprises, Dean.”

“So far, I’m loving this surprise.”

“Good to know.” I climbed on top of him feeling his hard dick teasing me through my underwear. I started slow, kissing his lips, neck and going lower as his breathing became more apparent. He was slowly losing his mind and I loved it. When I reached his boxers I didn’t want to take them off right away. Instead I kissed the skin around where the hem was, licking ever so slightly just to drive him mad. I was succeeding because he was groaning and begging me to do something.

“Please.” Was music to my ears. I loved the control I had.

“Shhh don’t let Sam hear you!”

“Then stop torturing me.”

“Okay, okay.” I took off his boxers finally setting him free and stroked him a couple of times before licking his shaft slowly. A light moan escaped from his lips as I started to lick the tip of his long dick not breaking eye contact. He was on cloud nine as I took him whole and started to move my head up and down. My pace was slow at first but when he grabbed a chunk of my hair and started pulling me down I knew he wanted more. I decided to be good to give him just that.

“Jesus (Y/N).”

I felt his dick hitting the back of my throat with each and every move before he told me he was close and I stopped.

“Why?” He asked frustrated.

“Not yet.” I just winked at him. I took the bra and panties off before I let him touch me.

“You’re brutal.” He said trailing his fingers over my hips and stomach.

“And you’re wonderful Dean Winchester.” I said positioning myself on top of him and slowly sat down. He was big but felt so freaking good. “Fuck.”

Slowly I started to move as my mind went on him. I was enjoying the sight beneath me and he sure as hell was enjoying his. We were both moaning each other’s names desperately trying not to get loud and wake up Sam. The bed was squeaking as I sped up my pace seeing he was slowly falling apart. His grip on my hips hurt, but I liked it. It was a different kind of pain.

“Are you close?” I managed to ask him between breaths.

“Y-yeah.”

“Look at me Dean.”

“W-what?” Poor guy was so lost in me he didn’t hear what I said.

“I said, I want you to look at me when you cum.” I said locking my hands with his. “I wanna see you fall apart.”

“Jesus (Y/N).”

My pace became faster and faster and I could feel my orgasm approaching. I was falling apart just like him and I think he could see it.

Finally, and quite unexpectedly I came and few seconds later so did he. My body was stiff; waves of pleasure went through my whole body as I was moaning his name over and over again. Him, on the other hand, was clenching my hips with eyes shut, biting his lower lip not wanting to be too loud. I finally collapsed next to him covered in sweat and panting.

“Wow!” He said.

“Not bad for our first time, huh?” I asked him feeling proud. I just made Dean Winchester fall apart under me.

“Best sex I had, hands down.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I still can’t believe you’re like that.”

“Oh you haven’t seen anything yet.” I said and kissed him. “I really like you, Dean.”

“I like you too, (Y/N).”

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green-typewriterz · 2 months

Text

Some Kind of Animal, Cannibal

Sam Winchester x gn!reader

Summary: You and Sam get lucky when trying to find the missing people…the luck being you both get taken too.

ASK: N/A

Warnings: angst with a happy ending, illness, injury, refusing to eat, kidnapping, cannibalism, talks of feeling sick, it’s basically all angst, early seasons Sam (3-4)

Author notes: VERY INSPIRED by Possibly in Michigan - Animal Cannibal, Reader is smart and took criminology in college. loosely based off of season one episode fifteen, I thought of this when talking to myself at 12:03 am as any good fic writer does.

word count: 4012

The three of you had been in the small town of Bayfield, Wisconsin for almost a week now and still barely anything had come up about the seven missing people. From what you had figured out, there was a sort of pattern; they were always taken at night and it was always in pairs.

Dean assumed it was a demon, but something didn’t feel right to you. Demon’s were vicious, masochistic, it didn’t make sense for them to take a person and not parade the kill about the town for all to see. Sam thought it could be a vamp, maybe even a rugaru, but you weren’t sure.

”How’s the research goin?” Dean asked nonchalantly as he walked back into the damp motel room, a bag of beers and snacks in his hand. You looked up from your uncomfortable position on the bed with an exasperated look and Sam leaned back on his chair. That was all the answer he needed. “So we’ve still got no clue at all?” He continued, turning to look at you, “and you’re sure it’s not a demon.”

You shook your head, “not completely, but it just doesn’t make sense for the profile.” Sam smiled slightly as you spoke; you could’ve been an FBI agent (meaning you probably would’ve ended up crossing paths anyway) but instead you chose the hunting life. Despite this, the criminologist in you snuck out sometimes, something very useful to the two. “If it were a demon, it would be an outlier, one who had either devolved or worked differently.”

There was silence for a while and Sam sighed, pulling his hands through his hair. It was getting longer now, the tips of it tickling his jawline every so often. “What if they’re human?” He began, “nothing about this screams monster.” Sam turned to look at you, wanting your input.

”Well what would you prefer, a monster who we know how to kill, doing something we’d expect, or a human, who may be completely insane, doing this purely because they can.” Somehow the second option seemed scarier to the three of you.

Time passed the three of you in comfortable silence, interrupted only by the low humming of MTV reruns coming from the TV Dean had put on. Sam was the first to fall asleep, leaning his head gently against his book. Dean followed soon after, his ability to fall asleep pretty much anywhere was something you had always envied. This left you in a half-awake stupor, trying to get some last few moments of research in before falling asleep like the two boys in front of you.

Eventually, you called it quits and closed your book, heading over to Sam to do the same for him. You gently replaced John’s diary with a small pillow and were placing Sam’s coat over his shoulders when you heard a crash outside. This area was known for raccoons but the noise sounded too loud to be an animal. You shook Sam awake and pulled the knife from your waistband, preparing for whatever might be outside.

Sam blearily looked over at you, standing up quickly despite the tiredness that clung to him when he saw the look in your eyes. He followed soon after, his gun firmly in his grip as the two of you walked out the door.

It was almost impossibly cold outside, the mist of the early morning clinging to your clothes. You pulled your jacket closer to you and turned round the corner into the alley, both of you with weapons raised. “Are you sure it wasn’t just a drunk guy?” Sam asked tiredly as he slowly lowered his gun. You shook your head in confusion and turned round to face him.

”It could’ve been, but something just…felt off.” You replied. It had always been impressive, your intuition - Dean had called it witch-adjacent. Neither of you were concentrating on your surroundings, talking quietly between yourself when Sam’s eyes widened and he went to raise his gun again. Though, you didn’t get a chance to fight back as pain bled through your skull. You fell to the floor as the sharp crack of Sam’s gun went off and the final thing you saw before darkness clouded over your eyes was Sam’s unconscious figure beside you.

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖ng 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

This is where you are now, waking to an unbearable pain, cold metal stinging against your skin as you come to your senses, your body racked with shivers. You sit up slowly, trying to adjust to the darkness of the room. The only light that streams through was from a dirty, mould ridden window that tints the area with a sickly green. You can hear the sharp breaths of another person from across the room and small, pained cries echo across the dark every so often. “Y/n.” The voice whispers, out of breath and harsh. You move slowly, eyes flitting across the darkness to find the source of the voice.

Sam sits in a cage of his own, hands harsh against the iron bars. His hair is damp and slick against the side of his face, face hollow and pinched from the fug of the basement. “What the hell is going on?” You reply, voice sharp from sleep.

You can see the surroundings through the thin strips of light, sun warping itself around cracked glass - it was day. “I don’t know. You’ve been asleep for a while, maybe three days. God, I thought you were dead.”

Silence spreads like a cancer. It’s been three days. Where was Dean? Did he know you were both gone? Did he care? Of course he did. You push the thought from your mind and move across the cage, hands clasping cold metal. The area wasn’t tall by any regard and you had to crouch to walk across - you felt bad for how uncomfortable Sam must be.

Eventually, you reach the other side where Sam was sitting and look at him with the same, unnatural quiet. He reaches a shaking hand across the space and clasps it over your own. He is cold, hands sweaty - though you find that you don’t care. You and Sam had always been close, leaning against one another during research or allowing him to plait your hair (and you to him if he was stressed). You run your hands over his in repetitive, soothing motions and lean your head against the rusty metal.

Sam sighs, though you aren’t sure of the emotion behind it. His hands work over your knuckles, almost as if he was massaging them, though he moves away quickly when a door opens at the top of the stairs. It shines a new light in, one that’s warm and forgiving - it feels like a new world.

Eager heeled footsteps click down the endless stairs and come to rest by a third cage, her hands laying on the side as if it were simply a wall. “Thank goodness, I was wondering when you’d wake!” She speaks cheerily, hands now clasped together. The caged woman edges closer to the light, you can see a shining, silver cross necklace resting against her chest, the metal contrasting against her dirtied skin.

There’s an almost silent click and the door in front of you swings open, creaking and worn. Sam is first to exit, his hands being chained to a small lead she holds in her palm. You felt like a dog, some kind of rabid animal she was trying to tame. She leads the three of you up the stairs, metal chains clinking miserably against your wrist.

The two of you look around your surroundings, surveying every corner, crack and door with a pinprick precision. You can see Sam’s hand instinctively move to his waistband - though you know there’d be nothing there. The three of you are led into a small dining area, lit with the homely glow of candles. You could almost laugh at the difference.

Lori, as she had introduced herself, sits you down with a smile and places a plate in front of you. It’s warm and suddenly reminds you that you haven't eaten in a while. You share a wary look with Sam and lean back in your chair, you’re not an idiot.

The girl opposite you, a tangle of sinew and bone, eats silently, hair withered and face gaunt - God knows how long she’s been here.

She’s pretty, she would’ve been. The girl has a sharp hooked nose and deep brown eyes, skin dark and warm. But she’s lost her hope, and with hope goes will, strength and livelihood. Though beauty seems to have stayed.

From her, you come to the conclusion that the food wasn’t poisoned, but you don’t want to test it anyway - you won’t accept food from someone who kidnapped you.

The room is quiet, the only sound being the crackle of candles and the repeated scrape of a fork on a plate.

It’s a winding path to sleep, something Sam doesn’t seem to be blessed with any more. His hands shake in yours, his eyes screwed shut. This is you, sitting, waiting for the path to end, withering resolve and aching eyes. This is you, standing on the shoreline as Hero - a goddess' daughter - as your Leander’s searchlight dims. This is you, letting time slip from your fingertips like golden blood.

The routine continues like a paper mobius strip, one that’s tearing. There’s an end, you can see it carving itself into marble - but it’s an ending you do not want for Sam.

It’s in this routine now, that you wake, hold a slowly succumbing hand in yours, refuse to eat and you hold Sam’s hand once more. It’s made you think more than you’d like, about time. About stories. Sam shivers, almost like clockwork now. His shirt is baggy against hollow bones and the tattoo on his breast seems wilted, like it won’t offer protection. He whispers too, short sentences you can never grasp.

The only word you’ve ever understood is a drawn out, yearning, “Please.”

There had been an offer of treatment, of safety. But Sam had seen to have found a sanctity in his suffering, he tells himself it’s a blessing, reminding him his limbs still ached, his body still yearned. Sam spits at the feet of his saviour and is rewarded with a harsh whip-like slap across his cheek.

He crumbles, rocks slipping from a cliff face, and grows still. “Sam?” You whisper, afraid. You were afraid most days now.

There’s a moment, then a breath and you lean forward to brush the hair from his eyes. Dean would know what to do - he had always known. Instead you hold his hand again, there’s not much else you can do.

The woman in the corner weeps. It had been the first time she had dared to make a sound, perhaps the violence had scared her.

“Oh, my dear.” Lori speaks soothingly, smiling with bared teeth of mock sympathy. “Come along, let’s calm you down.”

The words feel like an attempt to cajole a scared kitten, but the glint in her eyes shines radiant in the dark. You and Sam don’t see the woman again.

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖ng 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

“Where do you think he is?” Sam asks, leaning against the bars. A welt has risen on his face and a large cut streaks across his angled cheek from Lori’s ring. He looks like a corpse, a victim of an illness that never stops taking.

You don’t reply, he nods. Every so often, Sam holds your hand, rubbing your palm with his thumb, and you’d be Hero once more, seeing Leander for the first time at the festival. Though, he lets go eventually (he always did) and as he pulls away, his livelihood drowns - searchlight fading.

In the evening, careful hands guid you up the stairs once more, careful not to touch the raw skin around the handcuffs. Hunger picks at you, stretching your skin over your bones. You look at Sam, allowing a mournful sigh to escape from you. The both of you are dying, it’s something you have accepted, but you can’t bear the thought that he’ll die before you.

You’ve listed every single thing that changed in your mind, every time he shivers, every time the bags under his eyes darken. Maybe it’s become a way to cope. The both of you sit and Sam’s near shoulder length hair falls in front of his eyes - it was an indication of how much time has passed. The both of you have no choice tonight, you have to eat.

This was the choice. You sit, silent, and know that you are giving in to the final piece of defiance you have. You watch while self-loathing washes over Sam’s face as he too is forced to make the same choice, his body weaker than his mind. This is the choice; let go of your morals. Or die.

It’s almost funny how quickly morals leave you in the face of death.

You find there’s no way to delay it either. You have already analysed every movement of Lori’s. Every breath is calculated, every smile is vicious and hungry. So, with one final look toward your closest friend, you bite into the grey meat, the taste of something akin to pork overwhelming you. It’s stringy, but it still tastes like the best thing you had ever eaten - perhaps it was the amount of time you had had in between meals. You take a bite of the mash on the side and feel something cold and metallic in your mouth.

You breathe in sharply and sit in place, slowly moving your hand toward your mouth. There’s a moment of emptiness before your realisation, a stillness as you hope the silver cross necklace you had pulled from your teeth did not mean what you thought it did. You release a shaky breath and hold a hand to your mouth, feeling sick to your stomach.

You had eaten her.

“Sam.”

The whisper is almost inaudible. You’d never spoken at the table before and, though it was allowed, you feel as though you’re breaking a rule. He looks up and his eyes widen, seeing how quickly your face has paled. You look down at the plate, then back at him, shaking your head in a warning motion.

It’s only now he sees the necklace in your palm, pieces of dried blood sticking to it. Lori hadn’t even bothered to clean it - she had probably meant to throw it away. You lean back in your chair, looking out the window to your left and seeing how the trees stretch for miles past it, leaves heavy with snow. You weren’t sure when it had snowed. You try not to cry.

“Are you alright dear?” Lori asks, tension cutting across the room. Your head turns slowly, tears falling down your cheeks like hot tar, eyes wide, sucking in quick breaths. Sam seems scared - you look animalistic.

You hold up the necklace. “Did you make us eat her?” Your voice is unnatural, toneless and uncaring - a stark difference to the look on your face. Lori smiles. All she ever fucking does is smile.

You stare silently, face set with fear as she approaches, placing a manicured and veiny hand on your shallow cheek. You turn your head to the side, but her hand never leaves your face.

“Did you enjoy it?” It almost wasn’t a question - not when she knew the answer. You turn back to face her and her hand moves across your face, coming to rest by the corner of your mouth.

If you were to be treated like some kind of animal, that’s what she’d receive. You bite down hard, ignoring the scream as your teeth carve through her finger. You get to bone and pull, degloving the skin and muscle from her finger and holding it in your mouth like a dog. Then, just as she looks back to you, you spit it onto your plate with an almost smile.

Sam looks at you with an unreadable expression. You meet his eyes, ignore the feeling that settles in your stomach and simply reply, “We’re done with our meal.”

Lori pushes you down the staircase and into one singular cage, being in too much pain to open each individually. This is your plan. She closes the doors and snaps the keys. This is your plan.

Sam is withering, flu-like and scared. “Why?” he asks quietly, moving from your arms. “Why would you do that?” his eyes are wide, begging. Tears litter his cheeks. He’s given up thinking there’s a way to be saved. He’s grown accustomed to dying behind rusted metal bars.

You don’t reply and with blood stained lips you kiss him, trying to offer reassurance. He returns your kiss with a sigh, his pained fever making his skin hot to touch. He leans into you, hands holding your waist as if you’d disappear. You pull away and cradle him, gently brushing shaking hands through his hair. You kiss his forehead every now and then, staining his skin with darkening red.

Everything about you is strangely calm. You don’t fear Lori, not now you have seen her bleed. She could die. She would. You fall asleep almost smiling; she would, she would.

Lori wakes you in the early morning, hand bandaged and face stern. There’s no more smiling. Thank God. Your confidence chipped at her, annoyed her. It’s your turn to smile now. She unlocks the cage to move you to your own - you knew she’d had a spare key, she loved theatrics. As soon as you stand to move to your own cage you sprint, knocking her to the floor.

You knew you would’ve won, but weak monsters always bring a weapon when they feared the Hero the most. Though, you refuse to be Hero. There is no Leander, there is no searchlight. It’s you and Sam: wild eyes, knotted hair and blood stains.

A knife pushes you off of her, sinking itself into your abdomen with aim and anger. Lori had known you’d bite again.

Your breath escapes you, blood seeping from your sullen skin. You fall into the agony, screaming out to the sky. It’s not the single cut that would’ve killed you, it's the anger. Lori stands now, placing a foot against your throat. “A rabid dog bites three times before it’s greeted with death's hands, a rabid human? They get one chance.” She whispers, her words distant.

Behind the both of you, Sam slowly rises, hands clenched in fists, teeth baring. Her head hits the floor first, a horrible crack echoing in the basement. Screams had a way of sinking into you, biting at your heart, but these made you strong. You stand beside Sam as he hits her, ripping the fabric of your large jacket to tie around your wound.

You let him kill her.

Sam lifts you up the stairs and you help him walk through the cold, each taking turns to keep the other alive. You walk through the snow, damp and ripped clothes doing nothing to keep you warm. It feels as though it’s been hours and eventually, Sam collapses into you, the both of you falling to the soft snow.

He kneels forward into you and you hold his face gently. The image was almost too familiar; Sam falling into the arms of someone he loves, face slick with tears and body weak. He had died too much already, you wouldn’t let it happen again.

You kiss his jawline so softly it might’ve been a snowflake landing on his bruised skin and he lifts his head. “Sorry.” he mutters repeatedly, a slurry of vowels and tears. You don’t dare to shush him, it wouldn’t help anything, it wouldn’t stop him. “I’m so sorry.”

You kiss him again. “None of this was ever your fault,” You whisper, voice tired and teeth stained. After a while, you try to move again, stumbling over only the iced floor. There’s a cough from Sam that pushes blood to his mouth, then he’s losing his footing again and falling into you, his hand pressing into the wound on your abdomen. You cry out, collapsing to the floor, spilling red on the pure white snow.

It’s his turn to hold you now, muttering endless apologies and ripping his own clothes to rebandage you; his skin is pale, a majority of his muscle eaten away by time and hunger. He looked like a corpse. You lie there, cold and silent as his hands shake, tying knots as though it’s routine. He pushes past his own pain, placing a blood stained hand on your cheek and whispering to you. You shiver under his touch and it shocks you how much you’ve missed being near him. You smile gently, and bury your head into his shoulder. The both of you sit there for a while, slowly freezing and holding each other with a softness you hadn’t felt in a while.

Eventually, you reach the road and lean against a barrier, slowly, softly. He kisses your collarbone as he leans into you and you both wait to die.

“I love you.” You whisper, ready to close your eyes and not open them again. He sighs almost contently, his lips finding your skin again. Your fingers were red and sore, blood picking at the frost.

“I love you,” he replies.

Just as the two of you close your eyes with a sad acceptance, there’s a roar of an engine you recognise. The wheels screech, a voice yells, but neither of you respond. Sam’s fallen asleep now and you don’t have the energy to speak. Hands grip your shoulders, press down to stop the flow of blood, scream your name. You can see him in a blur, but there’s not enough in you to react. Your eyes close and it’s something you’re ok with.

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖ng 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

You wake up slowly, bleach biting at your nose. The room is stark white and clean - beeping rings in your ears. You’re alone. You climb out of the hospital bed and wince, the wound clean, but still painful. It didn’t take you long for you to find Dean, his voice loud against the hush of the ward. He turns, eyes locking onto you and grins, running over and leaving the doctor he was talking to behind. His arms wrap around you, soft and welcoming. “Thought the both of you had left me. Took me a month and a bit to find you.” He pulls away, smiling, “You’re both too strong, found your own way out.” He’s happy, Sam’s alive.

He sees the look in your eyes, he knows. “He’s inside, not awake yet.” He replies, voice softer now. You spare one more, thankful glance at your best friend and make your way to Sam’s room.

Sam lies there, still and peaceful. His cheeks are brighter and his bones hidden by strength once more. You sit by his side, eyes tired, and wait for him to wake up. He will, he has to. Eventually, sleep takes you and you lean against his bed, head resting on his chest to feel the gentle rise and fall. Your hand holds his, there’s not much else you can do.

“Aren’t you meant to be in your own bed?” A voice asks and your eyes open to see him smiling at you. His hair is brushed back and his skin is clean of dirt. He sounds okay.

You laugh slightly, smiling for the first time in a month and reply, “I had better things to do.” You lean forward, kissing his lips softly, careful not to hurt either of you. He returns the sentiment, hand tying itself into your hair. You hold his face, thumb tracing his jawline, and smile as you pull away.

He stays there, noses touching slightly. You’re centimetres apart. “You’re lucky I’m not infectious.” He whispers. You laugh again and move your hands to gently clasp the back of his neck.

“I wouldn’t care anyway.”

Sam kisses you again.

#fic #fanfic #one shot #writing #angst #sam winchester #sam winchester x you #sam winchester x reader #dean winchester x friend!reader #whump #gore #cannibal #supernatural

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holylulusworld · 2 years

Text

Always daddy’s good girl (3) - Kinktober 8

Summary: You are still mad at John...

Rating: lightly explicit

Kinktober Special: Daddy kink

Square 4 filled for @spnkinkbingo: Teasing

Square 15 filled for @spnaubingo: Public sex

Square 4 filled for @j3bingo former @jdmorganmixedbingo

Pairing: John Winchester x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, language, daddy kink, age gap, established relationship, needy John, dirty talk, light smut, unprotected sex, quickie, voyeurism

A/N: 3rd installment to: Daddy’s good girl & Still daddy’s good girl

Words: 1,3 k

Kinktober 2022

2021 SPN AU BINGO masterlist

2022 SPN KINK BINGO masterlist

Jeffrey Dean Morgan Mixed Bingo masterlist

Another month later John wants you to join the Winchesters for a night out. The last hunt was a piece of cake and now, the boys are up to cheap drinks, fast sex, and celebrating the hunt. Or life in general.

“No,“ you cross your arms over your chest. “Forget it. I won’t go anywhere with you. You still didn’t make things up to me.”

“Doll, don’t be a brat,” John grumbles. He wraps his arms around your waistline from behind to bury his face in your hair. “I apologized. Let daddy buy you drinks and make things up to you some more.”

“Sex and drinks won’t fix that you broke my trust. You just let that guy watch us fuck. I’m not a prude, but letting strangers watch us is a hard limit.”

“I know,” he softly kisses your neck. “I’m sorry, Y/N. This will never happen again. Your man is a jealous and possessive old bastard. But I learned my lesson.”

“I don’t think you did. You only want to get laid again,” you smirk as Sam and Dean walk inside the library. “Look what the cat dragged into the bunker. Two lumberjacks.”

“Did you forgive him?” Dean grumbles. His father is in a bad mood since you forced a dry spell on the hunter. Every chance he gets, John makes sure his sons can’t get laid themselves.

If John suffers, he won’t let his boys have fun either.

“Like hell,” you size Dean up. “Do you think I’ll just forgive him for what he did? No. Fucking. Way. John Winchester must learn his lesson.”

“What did he do?” Sam huffs as you still refuse to tell them what happened. John presses his lips into a thin line while his sons try to interrogate you. “Y/N, what did he do?”

“He didn’t cheat, right?” the elder brother presses on. “Right?”

“I would’ve castrated him if he cheated on me,” your eyes darken as John tries to kiss your cheek. “If he puts his dick in another pussy, he’s dead.”

“I would never cheat on you, baby,” John mumbles against you. “I swear. You’re the only woman I want. And the only woman I had sex with since we met.”

“Sir, can you not make things up to Y/N? You are on the edge for weeks.”

“Stop asking stupid questions, Winchester.”

Dean easily dodges your attack when you try to punch his chin.

“No violence, sweetheart.”

“I’ll shoot you,” you grumble, “if you don’t stop asking stupid questions. What happens between me and your daddy is none of your business.”

“Boys, go and change. We will go to the bar and have some drinks. Maybe my girl will forgive me too.”

“In your dreams, Winchester.”

“Careful,” John whispers in your ear. “I’m still your daddy. If you don’t stop acting like a bad girl, I’ll treat you like a bad girl.”

“Well, maybe I should look for a new daddy then,” you wiggle out of John’s embrace.

He sighs deeply as you walk out of the library.

“Baby, I told you that I’m sorry…”

“Just a little more,” you think to yourself.

John is on the edge. You insisted on dancing tonight. He reluctantly agreed and now, he regrets his decision. You press your ass into his crotch and grind into him.

“Doll,” he warns. “Don’t make me lose control.”

You smirk.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” you move your hand behind your head to pat his cheek. “I’m dancing, daddy.”

“You’re getting me hard.”

“That’s not my fault. Maybe you should learn to control your libido, John,” he wraps one arm around your waistline to hold you against his body. John starts to grind his raging hard-on into your ass.

“You are a little troublemaker,” he purrs in your ear. “But I’ll show you how to be a good girl, doll. Daddy will make sure you know whom you belong to.”

Dean watches you turn in his father’s embrace. He chuckles as you shamelessly cup John’s crotch, making even his father blush.

“Sammy, I think we are going to get laid tonight.”

“Dean, we didn’t even talk to one of the women,” Sam huffs. “How do you wanna know that we are going to get laid?“

“Call it a hunch…”

You watch John spread your legs roughly. He darts his tongue out while looking at your dripping cunt.

“See, I told you to not tease your daddy,” he slaps your pussy with his cock, making you whine. It’s been too long for you without sex too. “Do you even deserve my cock?”

John watches you cup your tits. “Cat got your tongue, doll? If I ask you a question,” he slaps your pussy with his hand, “I expect you to answer.”

“Daddy needs to make things up to me,” you coo. “You promised to have sex with me on the Impala to fuck with Dean.

“You really want to mess with my son, huh?”

You giggle.

“I really want to ruin his car with your cum, daddy,” you crook your finger. “Please fuck me. I can’t wait any longer.”

John grip one of your thighs. His blunt nails dig into your flesh as he teases your entrance with the tip of his cock. “I think you deserve to get fucked by daddy.”

“I do.”

“Daddy is going to give it to you. I know you have missed my cock.”

He slowly inches his way inside your dripping cunt, not giving away he has something special planned for tonight. “Fuck, you’re always so hard for me, baby.”

“Only for you.”

John hooks your legs over his forearms. He wants to control your body and make sure, you won’t move too much. “Hmm…so good and big…”

“So wet and pretty,” you chuckle at his words. “This is my sweet cunt. The one I own. No one touches what’s mine.”

You’re propping yourself up on your elbows to watch John move his hips. His eyes are glued to his cock sliding in and out of your slicked cunt. He can’t look away, even though, he wants to watch your reaction.

Little gasps and moans leave your lips, letting John know that he hits your sweet spot.

John doesn’t have to look at your face. He already knows your lips parted a long time ago and that your eyes are closed. You always close your eyes when the pleasure gets too much.

“Daddy.”

“Shit, you’re already close, aren’t you?”

“’m gonna cum,” shit, it has been too long for you. Your pussy clamps hard down his cock a few thrusts later, dragging John with you over the edge.

“Damn, babe. I wanted to go for longer,” he breathlessly says. “Fuck…fuckity…fuck. That fucking cunt of yours, doll.”

“I don’t fucking care,” you fall back onto the hood to catch your breath. “I love me a quickie on Dean’s car.”

“You’re a dirty girl.”

“You’re a dirty daddy.”

“What the fuck!!!”

“Uh-oh. I think Dean caught us red-handed, daddy,” you giggle as John doesn’t give a shit his son walks toward his car. He still rolls his hips to ride your highs out.

“I said – what the fuck are you doing on my car!!” the hunter yells at John and you. “You can’t just fuck on my car!”

“It’s still my car.”

“You gave it to me.”

“Deano don’t be mad. I always dreamed of getting fucked on your car,” you wink at Dean. “Did you enjoy the show too, Sammy?”

“Warn me next time,” Sam shudders, but his eyes drift toward your chest. “Stuff for nightmares. Watching your father fuck your stepmother is the worst.”

“Don’t act as if there is no tent in your pants, Sammy.”

Sam's cheeks turn bright red at your words.

“How about you go back to that pretty girl you were chatting up earlier? I think she wants to ride some dick tonight…”

“You will clean my fucking car,” Dean turns around to storm back toward the bar. “I’m getting drunk to get the images of my father’s naked ass out of my head.”

“It’s a great ass,” you snicker as the brothers hurriedly walk away. “Don’t come home before you got laid. I and your daddy want to christen the bunker tonight…”

“And don’t think you will ever see my girl naked again,” John yells. “She is and always will be daddy’s good girl…”

Tags in reblog.

#john winchester #spnkinkbingo #spnaubingo #j3bingo #john winchester x reader #John Winchester fanfiction #john winchester one shots #smut #john winchester smut #kinktober 2022 #Always daddy’s good girl - Kinktober 8 #kinktober day 8

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cas-kingdom · 1 year

Text

Supernatural Masterpost

Main Masterpost

one shots

A Brother Like No Other (Sam x Dean) - Sam sometimes forgets that he’s not the older brother.

Toast (Sam x Dean x Castiel) - Castiel makes toast for the first time.

My Humans (Sam x Dean x Castiel) - Dean sticks post-it notes to his brother’s back, and Cas is one confused angel.

Louder Than Thunder (John x reader) - John helps you overcome your fear of thunder.

Sunset (John x reader) - You and John have a picnic and watch the sun set.

Tears (John x reader) - You talk to your dad before he leaves to go on a hunt.

A Father’s Love (John x reader) - “No man in this world can love a girl more than her father.” You learn this after having a pretty horrible argument with Dean.

Ladybird (Gabriel x reader) - Gabriel. A brother, a protector, a survivor. And most importantly, your best friend.

Into Battle (Gabriel x reader) - You’re about to enter the biggest battle you’ll ever face. A snowball fight.

A Light in the Dark (Dean x Crowley x reader) - Part of being an older brother means chasing away the nightmares. That’s what Sam and Dean’s been doing since you were a little girl. Now, it’s Crowley’s turn.

All That Matters (Sam x Dean x reader) - You lose against Dean in a wrestling match. What could get worse than that?

Get Some Sleep (Castiel x reader) - When you refuse to go to sleep, it takes a certain angel to remind you who’s the boss.

To Annoy an Angel (Castiel x reader) - There’s no better way to pass the time than annoying Cas. Cas, on the other hand, has a different opinion on the matter.

Fade Into You (Castiel x reader) - Sometimes, you just need a hug, and Cas is all too happy to oblige.

Bring Him Back (Gabriel x reader) - Gabe was here, but he wasn’t… here. Not your Gabe, anyway. But don’t worry, you’d bring him back.

Hey Brother (Dean x reader) - You were meant to be home six hours ago. Dean’s not happy. At all. Or: Even when you’re alone, your brother is always there.

Living (Sam x Dean x Castiel x reader) - Cas walks in on you and Dean sliding along the hallway in socks. It’s all fun and games until someone breaks their ankle.

Nobody Knew (Lucifer x reader) - People forget that the Devil was once an Angel.

Gimme a Kiss (Crowley x reader) - Crowley wants a good night kiss, and he’s not letting you leave without one.

I’ve Got You (Crowley x reader) - You’re injured, and the first person you go to is Crowley.

About a Dog (Sam x Dean x Castiel x reader) - Even dead, Gabriel still finds ways to make you happy.

Learning to Love (Sam x Dean x Castiel x Jack x reader) - A nephilim asks an angel for dating advice. What could go wrong?

Archangels and Austerity (Gabriel x reader) - After Jack asks you out on a date, Gabriel turns up… and he’s not happy.

Toro (Dean x reader) - He looked like a bull about to charge. And what do you do when you’re faced with a bull? You run.

A Memory (John x reader) - Jack has disappeared, you haven’t heard from Cas in a while, and you’re starting to miss how things used to be.

Taken (Sam x Dean x Castiel x Jack x reader) - The blood of a virgin is needed in many a spell, and Sam and Dean have become accustomed to turning to you. However, after one particular night, they’re about to find out they’re going to have to turn to someone else from now on. And it can’t be Jack.

Real (Dean x reader) - While Michael’s possessing Dean, he says things to you that make you think.

Soldier (Gabriel x reader) - Gabriel finds out you’ve been keeping something from him, and he’s not impressed.

Locked In (Sam x Dean x Castiel x reader) - Jack’s locked in the box, and you’re only just finding out.

A Little Unsteady (Jared Padalecki x reader) - You have to get a cavity filled, and it’s your first one. Naturally, you’re quite nervous, and who better to help calm those nerves than Jared Padalecki?

drabbles

John x reader (“I was just worried.”)

John x reader (“You can’t give up something you haven’t even started.”)

John x reader (“Remind me never to play this damn game with you again!”)

Dean x John x reader (“Are you really reading right now?”)

John x OC (“I shouldn’t have to tell you how dangerous that was!”)

John x OC (“You did this to get my attention and now you fully have it. Let’s hear it.”)

Gabriel x reader (“I don’t care when you go to bed, but do you have to wake me up in the middle of the night with your loud music?”)

Chuck x reader (“You forgot to say the Magic Words.”)

Sam x Dean x reader (“What are you running from?”)

Dean x reader (“Give them back.”)

Chuck x reader (“Don’t make me come get you.”)

Sam x reader (“You don’t scare me.”)

Gabriel x reader (“Move over!”)

Dean x Ben x reader (“Seriously, have you seen how old he’s gotten?”)

Castiel x reader (“That’s against the rules.”)

Crowley x reader (“When am I going to join your little game? Hm. Never.”)

Bobby x reader (“Could you stop throwin’ that damn ball against the house?”)

Gabriel x Chuck x reader (“Wanna build a tree fort?”)

Dean x reader (“Sorry, I can’t help you.”)

Dean x reader (“How long will this take?”)

Castiel x reader (“Oh? You want me to tickle you that bad?”)

Gabriel x Chuck x reader (“Now, let me watch the freaking movie in peace!”)

Dean x Sam (“You’re okay, Sammy.”)

Dean x reader (“I love you.”)

Dean x reader (”Don’t tell Sam?”)

#supernatural #masterpost #supernatural masterpost

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mychemicalimagines · 1 year

Text

Can’t Stop Lovin’ You-Dean Winchester-Chap 5

Summary: Dean Winchester and Michaela ‘Mickey’ Storm have been friends for as long as they can remember. When they were 4 years old, Dean’s mom and Mickey’s parents were killed. Since then, John Winchester took his kids and Mickey around the states, hunting the Supernatural. 22 years later, it’s just Dean and Mickey against the world, both the natural and the supernatural. John goes missing after a hunting trip goes awry while Sam’s away at college, set on being a lawyer. This is Dean and Mickey’s story as they embark on a trip to find the one man they know as Dad. Saving People. Hunting Things. The Family Business.

Series Warning: Language, Fluff, Love, Smut, Death, Blood, Violence, Supernatural, Paranormal, Established Relationship. If I forgot any, all the warnings from the show apply to this series as well.

Words: 4,520

A/N: Here’s a chapter to hold you guys over! We really didn’t like this episodes too much so we decided to put them all into one and give a summarized version of what would have happened! We are currently writing Bugs so hopefully we can get it out soon!

No Gifs! Do you guys want them for this series?!

To be tagged: Comment, Message Me, Submit an Ask or Tag Yourself in my Bio!

Bloody Mary, Skin, and Hook Man

Third Person POV

Just over a month and a half after the case in Pennsylvania, and several other, low-scale hunts, the Winchester trio caught wind of a case that really piqued their interest in late January. After all, everyone knows of the age old, urban legend surrounding Bloody Mary. The one that goes if a person goes into a bathroom at night, with the lights off, and says “Bloody Mary” three times, the spirit will appear and kill you by first gouging out your eyes.

Now, having grown up as a Hunter, and years of reading all sorts of lore on different spirits, demons, and supernatural entities in general, the Winchesters knew that there was a chance the way things played out could be slightly different than what all of the various versions of lores said. Which seemed like this case may just have been a very real possibility of actually being Bloody Mary.

After all, what had started out as a simple game of truth or dare between three high school girls ended up with the tragic death of the one girl’s father. Reading over the gruesome details of the father’s death, Sam knew that there wasn’t remotely normal about a man’s eyes liquifying in his skull and bleeding out from that, despite the press’ attempt at trying to pass it off as a fluke case of spontaneous combustion.

So, of course, when Sam found a story from a newspaper clipping that seemed to be the urban legend becoming reality, he knew that it was a case right up the Winchester’s alley. Once he had shown the article to both his brother and Mickey, the three of them headed to Toledo, Ohio and then to Fort Wayne, Indiana to crack the case, with one of Sam’s nightmares about the death of his girlfriend happening during the drive, one that he refused to talk about.

It was in Toledo, Ohio that the Winchesters found out that the tragic death of Steven Shoemaker came as a result of a “Bloody Mary” dare that had gone wrong. It took a hefty bribe to get the morgue attendant to even let them look at the body, confirming the thought that there was no logical or possible way for this man to have died of spontaneous combustion, considering that Mr. Shoemaker’s skull was filled with blood and his eyes were truly liquified.

Despite not having a clear cause of death, but knowing that it was more than what a normal human could comprehend, the Three Musketeers, or rather Winchesters, attended both the eldest Shoemaker’s funeral and his home shortly after. One thing that the youngest daughter said piqued all three of the Hunters’ interest, and it certainly wasn’t her blaming herself for her father’s death.

At least, not entirely. But, rather, it was the reason as to why she blamed herself. After finding out about the dare to ‘release’ Bloody Mary, the brothers and Mickey set out on a search for clues, while also being as discreet and respectful as they could be. It didn’t take the trio long to determine that there was indeed something suspicious about the death of Steven Shoemaker, and Mickey gave Charlie, one of the best friends of the late man’s oldest daughter, her phone number with the message to call if she thought of anything helpful.

Sure enough, Charlie gave Mickey a ring later that evening after having been on the phone with her other friend, Jill, when she too had tried to ‘summon’ Bloody Mary in her own mirror, as a joke, and died before she got the chance to hang up. Upon investigating Jill’s bedroom, and the mirror in question, Mickey found a clue that would crack the case wide open, revealing a connection, not to the classic lore, but rather to a far more tragic, human mistake.

Gary Bryman. The young boy that Jill had killed in a hit and run with her vehicle. Finding this clue led the Winchesters back to the Shoemaker household, and more specifically Mr. Shoemaker’s bedroom, based on a hunch that Sam had. His gut feelings paid off when they found the name of Mr. Shoemaker’s late wife scrawled on the mirror.

It didn’t take long to figure out the widow’s wife had died under suspicious circumstances, labeled as a sleeping pill overdose. And, it took even less time for Mickey to offer up the suggestion that Linda Shoemaker hadn’t died accidently, but rather that her husband had killed her and made it look like an accident.

Now, there was a connection, and a strong lead. The Winchesters weren’t dealing with a childhood scary story to tell in the dark, but rather something more dangerous, and far more deadly: a vengeful spirit. However, Dean’s own gut instinct was telling him that there was still something about this case that involved a woman named Mary, blood, and a mirror.

As it turned out, and much to the disappointment of the brothers and Mickey, the case actually had nothing to do with the Bloody Mary lore and much more to do with just a vengeful spirit. While the case may not have turned out to be what any of them were expecting or hoping for, there was one good thing to come from the month in general.

And that…that was Mickey winning the race against Sam in high heels and getting dibs on the front seat for the entire month, much to Sam’s surprise.

Flashback

“I’m telling you, Dean, this will be the easiest race of my entire life!” Sam says, stretching out his legs.

“I’m not so sure, Sammy.” Dean leans against the front of the Impala, his arms crossed and a smirk on his face. “I told you, Mickey is fast.”

“She may be fast in her sneakers but in heels? I bet that day in Pennsylvania was a fluke because the alarm was going off.” The youngest shakes his head.

Before he can speak once again, the sound of click-clacks are heard. Sam looks up to see Mickey walking toward him, the heels from the last hunt on her feet. She has a large smirk on her face as she fixes her gym shorts.

“Ready to lose, Winchester?”

“You’ll be the one losing, Storm.” He playfully rolls his eyes.

“You already lost, Sammy.”

“Alright, alright.” Dean chuckles, putting his hands out. “The rule is: No pushing each other. Sam doesn’t need to break a nail. I’m going to stand in the middle of the parking lot while you guys stand by that light post over there. The first one to smack my hand is the winner. Do you guys remember what your prize is?”

“The front seat.” Mickey glances at her best friend with a smile.

“You gotta stop being all lovey.” He rolls his eyes before smirking again. “I also keep my seat without complaints.”

“Great!” Dean rubs his hands together as he walks over to the middle of the parking lot. “Get moving.”

Mickey grins and starts walking to the light post, clicky clacks following her again. Sam shakes his head and follows her after slipping off his jacket to lay on the hood of the car. They both make it and turn toward the eldest Winchester.

“Ready?!” Dean calls out.

“Yep!” Mickey answers, getting into her running stance before whispering. “You’re going down.”

Sam rolls his eyes, getting into his own stance. “You wish.”

The eldest Winchester begins to count down from three before throwing his hands out with a chant of ‘Go!’. Both Sam and Mickey take off like a bullet out of a gun, the latter’s hair whipping in the wind but that doesn’t slow her down. Despite the youngest having longer legs, he was no match for the female and her heels.

When they were about twenty-five feet from the eldest Winchester, Mickey sped up, making it to her boyfriend first. She smacks his hand, slowing down behind him, her heels skidding across the asphalt. A few seconds later, Sam smacks his other hand, his eyes widening slightly. When he stops a few spaces behind his brother, he looks at her, slightly out of breath.

“How…what…the hell…”

“I tried to tell you, Sammy.” Dean turns around, grinning at his younger brother.

“But…She…heels.”

“Girl’s superpower.” Mickey giggles, still out of breath.

“Damn it.” He says, moving his hair from his face.

The eldest Winchester wraps his arm around his girlfriend’s waist, a proud smile on his face.

Flashback Over

Sam was slightly upset, losing his seat for a whole month. He felt so cramped in the back, often moving around so he could get comfortable. He timed it to the day, making sure she got out of the seat as soon as he could. Another good thing that had also happened in that month was celebrating Dean’s 27th birthday, an occasion that they were actually able to celebrate with all three of them being together for the first time in years.

A little over a month later, at the end of February and the beginning of March, the three of them found themselves in St. Louis, Missouri. And it wasn’t because of St. Louis’ famous ribs, much to the disappointment of Dean and Mickey. The real reason they were in town was due to one of Sam’s old college friends, Rebecca “Becky” Warren, saying that her brother, Zach Warren, was framed for the murder of his girlfriend, Emily.

While at first this may not have seemed like it would be one of the normal cases the Winchesters - or any Hunter for that matter - would take, it didn’t take long for them to realize that they weren’t dealing with a typical, human homicide, but rather a shapeshifter case. At first, the whole thing seemed iffy, especially since Sam’s old college friend claimed that her brother had been with her at the time of the murder, and it’s impossible to be in two places at once.

This was no Harry Potter movie.

Shortly after their arrival in the city often referred to as the Gateway to the West, there was another murder, and just like with Sam’s friend, the suspect in the second case claimed to have been in two places at once. It wasn’t until the shapeshifter had taken on Mickey as a disguise to trick the boys, did the trio realize just what they were dealing with.

Following the case of the second murder, the trio ended up getting separated around the second victim’s apartment building. All when the three of them followed a bloody trail that led into the sewers. While they were down there, they found the evidence they needed that proved that they were dealing with a shapeshifter.

When the shifter attacked the three of them and ran off, they all ran after it, but ended up getting lost in the maze that was the sewers underneath the city. Mickey and Dean continued searching the tunnels, and Sam went back above ground, knowing he’d meet up with his brother and Mickey at the Impala.

Plus, this would give the youngest brother a chance to regroup, get weapons, and possibly even confirm his suspicions about the shifter. Sure enough, as he was locking and loading up with one of his guns, Dean showed up. He freaked out for a solid five minutes when he found out Mickey wasn’t with his brother.

Flashback

“What do you mean she’s not up here?!” Dean says, running his fingers through his hair.

“I mean, I haven’t seen her since we separated. I thought she was with you.” He answers, closing the trunk of the car.

“Son of a bitch!” The eldest Winchester yells out slightly, quickly turning in circles, hoping to catch a glimpse of her somewhere.

“Maybe she's on her way back?”

“She better be. She knows to come back to the car if we separate.” He says, pacing back and forth.

“Of course I do.” Her voice is heard behind them.

Dean whips around to see his girlfriend, walking toward them, a small smile on her face. He immediately runs toward her and wraps his arm around her waist, pulling her close. His other hand comes up and cups the back of her head, holding her close to him as she wraps her arms around his waist.

“What happened down there? One minute you were next to me then the next you were gone?” He whispers.

“I heard a noise. I thought you heard me.” She whispers, hugging him close.

He pulls away and cups her cheek, looking into her hazel eyes for a moment.

“I guess not.” He whispers before speaking louder so Sam can hear him. “You think he found another way underground?”

“Probably.” Sam says, watching the two of them.

Dean nods slightly before biting his lip, just staring at his girlfriend.

“Should we drive around, see if there are any more signs of him?” She asks, softly.

“That would be a good idea.” He answers.

“Can I drive?” Her eyes light up softly.

Without changing his expression, he nods softly. “Of course you can. Sam got the keys.”

She grins before rushing past him to the youngest Winchester. He opens the trunk again, allowing her to look through it to pick her weapon.

“Hey guys, didn’t dad once face a shapeshift in San Antonio?” He asks, glancing toward his older brother.

Dean approaches them and looks at his girlfriend, wanting her to answer.

“Oh, that was Austin.” She answers, looking up from the trunk with a smile. “It turned out not to be a shapeshifter, it was a thought form. A psychic projection, remember?”

“Oh right.” Sam chuckles softly before tossing her the keys. “Here ya go.”

She catches the keys before looking back into the trunk when the brother’s make eye contact. Almost a second later, the brothers bring up their guns, pointing it directly at the female.

“Don’t move.” Dean says, staring at her with a small glare

She turns and looks at him, raising an eyebrow.

“Dean, what’s going on?”

“What have you done with her?”

“It’s me, guys.” She giggles slightly.

“I don’t think so.” Sam says, never lowering his gun.

“Where’s my girlfriend?” The eldest Winchester asks, his voice deepening to a growl.

“You’re about to shoot her, Dean. Calm down.” Her smile fades from her face.

“Mickey hates driving” He growls. “She only got her license because dad made her in case she needed to get away.”

“I just wanted to drive, babe. It’s not a big deal.” She rolls her eyes.

“She also knows the signals we have.” Dean continues.

“Now, where is Mickey?” Sam speaks up again.

She turns toward him with a sigh. “I’m right here, Sam. Come on!”

“You’re not my girlfriend.” Dean snaps.

“Why don’t you pull the trigger, then?” She glances toward him, discreetly grabbing something from the trunk. “Hmm?”

The eldest Winchester just stares at her, glare clearly on his face.

“It’s because you’re not sure.” She states, watching his hesitation.

Before either Winchester could blink, ‘Mickey’ cracks Dean in the face with the weapon she grabbed from the trunk. A crowbar. The eldest Winchester falls straight to the ground while Sam pulls the trigger of his gun. ‘Mickey’ crouches quickly, dodging the bullet before standing and cracking him in the face as well.

‘She’ glances between both now knocked out men before cracking her neck with a grin, her eyes flashing silver for a moment.

Flashback Over

One thing that the brothers hadn’t accounted for, though, was them being knocked unconscious and taken hostage by the shapeshifter. After Sam had regained consciousness, he figured out that he and Dean were trapped down in the sewers. Nearly 10 minutes later, the brothers realized that Mickey was there too when she made a grunt of discomfort and woke up.

The three of them talked things out, confirming with each other that they were dealing with and how to take care of it. Of course, things weren’t so easy for them. Not that they ever were. On top of the usual, supernatural related obstacles that they encountered on any given hunt, this one had an added one, from humans no less.

They had the FBI on their tails, and were wanting to charge them with a long list of crimes. Including charging Mickey with the brutal attack of Becky using jealousy and calling it a ‘crime of passion’ as the motive for the attack. See, when the shifter had assumed Mickey’s identity, claiming ‘She’s hot. Anyone would believe a hot woman’, it had been invited in, as Becky thought it was Mickey, another girl that she could talk to, and maybe get to know a little more about Sam, especially since he had left college so suddenly.

And the shifter, disguised as Mickey, had brutally attacked Becky, and only left her alive because the SWAT team showed up. While this had been going on, the Winchester trio had been tied up and trapped down in the shifter’s lair in the sewers. By the time they managed to escape, Mickey’s mugshot was plastered across every news station playing on TVs across the city.

They had made their way back to Becky’s house to try and figure out what had happened. Sam went inside, while Dean went to go get the Impala, never wanting to leave his Baby unattended for long, and Mickey ventured back into the sewer alone. Knowing that it would be in her best interest to stay below ground, out of sight from the FBI, she went to track the shapeshifting creature that had made her life a little tricky at the moment.

The eldest Winchester hated splitting up, especially from his girlfriend but right now, it was needed. He knew it would not keep her safe from the shifter, but at least it would buy her enough time from having the FBI on her tail to figure out where the shifter was and come up with a way on how to take care of it.

It didn’t take Mickey long to find her way back to the shifter’s lair, and realize that it had now shifted and taken on Becky’s identity. Due to lack of cell service in the sewers, she was unable to call Sam who was still at his old college friend’s home. And she couldn’t even get in touch with Dean to try and get him to warn Sam.

Mickey knew that she would have to warn her boyfriend’s brother soon, and she had to be quick about it before the shifter could do any harm to the man that had become a younger brother to her over the years. She did the only thing left that she knew she could do and hightailed it out of the sewer tunnels and back to Becky’s house.

She had arrived, just in time, to see Dean shoot at the shapeshifter that had once again disguised itself as her, in an attempt to get it to stop attacking Sam. Watching him kill the shifter that looked like her briefly made her wonder if Dean was 100% certain that it wasn’t actually her before he pulled that trigger, or if it was proof that Dean truly would put protecting his baby brother above anything and anyone, no matter who or what it was.

She got her answer when she stepped into the room, met Dean’s gaze and he’d rushed over to her, glad to see she was unharmed in any way whatsoever. When the police had shown up, Mickey had hid in the Impala to keep up the ruse that she had ‘died’. Whatever story Sam had managed to concoct and spin to the cops had them pinning the murder of Zach Warren’s girlfriend, Emily, on her as well, leaving it as a closed case.

As Dean drove away, with Mickey snuggled up to his side in the passenger seat, wanting to keep her close and Sam sprawled out as much as he could in the backseat, Mickey couldn’t help but joke about how she was missing the one funeral she’d ever be guaranteed to have. And both the brothers couldn’t get over how much they had a sudden disdain for pea soup.

Two weeks before Mickey’s 27th birthday at the end of March, the Winchester crew were called to Ankeny, Iowa to investigate a series of morally and religiously driven, supernatural related deaths. They knew they had to be the ones on this case because the only witness to the murder reported that the attacker was invisible.

The witness had said that she was in the car with her boyfriend on 9 Mile Road when they heard loud scratching noises. Rich, the boyfriend, had gotten out to check what was going on when he suddenly disappeared from her view. Not even a second later, more scratching noises were heard before a couple loud bangs came from the roof of the car.

When both sounds ceased, she exited the car and began to run toward the wooded area. After getting a strange feeling in her gut, she turned around to find her boyfriend suspended from a tree upside down above the car, meaning he was the one who was making the noises attempting to get help. Needing to blend in, Sam and Dean walked into a fraternity house while Mickey joined the sorority nearby.

While the brothers were in their fraternity house where the victim lived, they found out he was seeing Lori, the daughter of Reverend Sorenson, meaning she was the one that was there that night. Mickey ended up meeting Lori at the sorority house and talked with her for a little bit learning their rooms were a few doors down from one another.

She wanted to wait for Dean and Sam before asking any questions about the case, wanting to get on her good side first. Lori invited her to her father’s service later that day but before she could call her boyfriend and his brother, they were already there, waiting in the pews. After the service, Mickey introduced her new friend to the brothers, allowing them to start questioning her, but they didn’t get any useful information.

The young girl believes she was just seeing things and that something else happened to her boyfriend. When Lori left, the trio talked about the case and decided that it sounds like the Hook Man Legend. Needing more information, they went straight to the library to research the case, knowing that the internet wouldn’t give them anything but ‘fake facts’.

In 1862, a preacher named Jacob Karns killed 13 sex workers using a hook he wore in place of the hand he lost in an accident. He was later arrested and executed. Wanting Mickey to stay close to town, in case of an emergency, the boys traveled to 9 Mile Road in search of the Hook Man but they were discovered by the sheriff, who arrested them.

He wouldn’t allow them to have their one phone call so they weren’t even able to call the unofficial female Winchester. While Mickey was waiting for Lori, she didn’t realize there was another door to enter the building. She ended up falling asleep a few minutes after Lori already was in her room.

A few minutes earlier, she got into a fight with her father about living in the sorority house, which blinded her. She went to her room and discovered a large scratch on the wall but didn’t think anything of it. She went to turn on the light but noticed Taylor, her roommate, was already asleep and decided to keep the light off.

She got ready for bed and laid down, not noticing that Jacob Karns was in her closet. The next morning, she woke up and screamed loudly at the sight of Taylor’s bloody body with the words ‘Aren’t you glad you didn’t turn on the light?’ written in blood on the wall. Mickey immediately ran into the room, shocked by the discovery.

After finally being able to call her, she went and picked up her boyfriend and ‘adopted’ little brother, taking them back to her dorm. With her help, they searched the entire room the best they could without being caught and discovered a cross symbol drawn in the blood that they recognize from their research.

A little more research concluded that there were more killings in the area, also by clergymen. The three of them presumed that the spirit of Karns is latching onto the reverend’s repressed emotions and killing everyone he feels are immoral. They came up with the plan that Sam would stay and watch over Lori while the couple would go find Karns grave.

Lori noticed Sam outside her father’s home and decided to talk to him. She reveals that she feels cursed and that she’s the reason that everyone was dying around her while revealing that her father was having an affair with a married woman. She ends up kissing him, which he does kiss her back but Jess runs through his head, forcing him back, informing her that he can’t do this.

Reverend Sorenson watched from the window and went outside to bring her back in but The Hook Man appeared behind him. He stabbed him with his hook and dragged him back inside the house. Sam ends up saving the Reverends life but the next day, the trio were bemused that burning the corpse didn’t stop Jacob from returning.

Mickey revealed that the hook wasn’t buried with him, it was melted down and made into objects for the church. They rushed back to St. Barnabas Church in hopes of melting down the silver and finally putting an end to the Hook Man. When they entered the church, Sam found Lori sitting in a pew alone, crying.

While Sam talked to her, Dean and Mickey rushed around, finding anything silver and burning it. Sam and Lori had an encounter with the Hook Man, which ended up with the Winchester being stabbed in the shoulder. Before the Jacob Karns can kill Lori, the couple showed up, with Dean shooting the ‘invisible man’.

Confused as to why he was still around after they destroyed all the silver, Sam noticed Lori was wearing a silver necklace. ‘A church heirloom her father gave to her when she started school’, she informed them. He immediately ripped it off her neck and handed it to Mickey, knowing she’s the fastest.

Taking off like a bullet from a gun, she ran as fast as she could to the fire they had started. Back with the brothers and Lori, Karns tries to once again kill Lori, finally having her cornered. When he raised his arm, he froze in his spot, his hook began to melt before he disappeared for good. The next morning, Sam had to be patched up in an ambulance, not wanting to go to the Emergency Room.

Lori made sure to thank him for saving her and her father. The couple watched from a distance, wishing Sam could have the happy ending he deserves.

#Supernatural Dean Winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester love story #dean winchester imagines #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x oc #dean winchester x original character #dean winchester x ofc #dean winchester x original female character #Can't Stop Lovin' You

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scoobydoodean · 4 months

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ok so I deeply love and respect your thoughts on supernatural because the majority of them line up with what I've been thinking for years but you said something the other day that I keep turning over in my brain and it was something along the lines of carver liking dean more than sam - I know you're in the middle of rewatching s4 but I would love to hear you expound on that (if you have time) because I remember being in the fandom while carvernatural was airing and it was pretty much when the deangirl exodus started. in fact I think people tore into him worse than dabb even 😭

feel free to hold onto this until later when you start the carver seasons if you wish :)

<3 I'll go ahead and answer this one, because it's more of a "broad strokes" thing for me, and I've been rewatching very slowly (on purpose) so that could be a very long wait.

This is so funny because I can just picture Sam fans reading it and turning red and their blood boiling with the fire of a thousand suns but the TL;DR is that season 8-11 (Carver era) broad strokes to me are:

Sam sucks and is a worse brother and person than Dean.

Sam spends the first two seasons of Carver's run thinking he's a better person than Dean anyway and then the second two knowing he sucks, deciding to embrace his moral flexibility to keep Dean alive no matter the cost, and trying to mend things.

Dean is circled by many potential suitors who also in a sense represent Sam replacements because Sam sucks: Benny, Cas, Crowley, and Amara.

Dean knows that Sam sucks and part of him wants to get tf away from him very badly but another part of him feels guilty for wanting that. Family is suffering. Family is a chain around your neck keeping you tied to them via guilt. (Demon Dean represents the desire for escape, as does Amara).

Everybody wants to be with Dean, be Dean, and/or be loved by Dean. Dean is love. Dean is the world. Dean is the reason for existing. Everybody is lovesick about him. Sam is just there.

Sam needs to stop blaming Dean for so many things and learn to own his own choices.

That was fun to write down.

Longer commentary/explanation below the cut.

Season 8 (Carver's first season) literally begins with a Sam character assassination. It begins with us learning that Sam knowingly left Kevin to spend the rest of his life kidnapped and tortured without even telling a soul what happened to him. Not only did he abandon Dean and Cas as well but he didn't even look for them, and refuses to give a satisfying answer as to why.

Season 8 Sam's abandonment as distinct from previous behavior

I have had people this year who I love and respect tell me they don't view this as a character assassination and say they believe this is in character for Sam. I simply do not agree with that. I talk about this as it relates to Kevin here.

Sam has displayed selfishness and a big ego at many points in the series up to season 8. He's told a lot of lies (sometimes to the point of gaslighting), he's gone behind Dean's back to do things that affect Dean's life, he's taken traumatic experiences Dean opened up to him about and ultimately harmed Dean with them, he's shown resentments and anger, he's displayed jealousy, he's displayed a sense of superiority. He has never abandoned his brother to die without even trying. The Sam of season 3 would eviscerate season 8 Sam for this.

Sometimes Sam says and does things he shouldn't, but his crimes do not include "abandoning Dean to die without even looking for him" up to season 8. Many of his crimes happen at least partly because he really really doesn't want Dean to die or is desperate to save his life. He lets go of his anger at John and returns to make sure Dean is safe in 1.11. He refuses to give up and finds a way to save Dean in 1.12. In 1.22, he's willing to put John's life at risk for revenge, but in 2.01 he gets into an outright screaming match with John in the hospital under the belief that John's prioritizing the demon over Dean. Sam spends all of season 3 raging and angst-ing about not being able to save Dean to the point of considering and doing some shady as hell things/abandoning some of his more stalwart moral stances (3.05, 3.11, 3.15, 3.16). Dean's death and later, the desire to secure his safety/future, is one of the catalysts for Sam's descent into drinking demon blood (3.09, 3.16, 4.04, 4.09, 4.12). When he dies in "Swan Song", he urges Dean to pursue a normal, safe, life because he knows that at that point in time, Dean wants to get out but has always felt trapped (2.09, 2.10, 2.20, 3.01, 4.12, 4.16). Even Soulless Sam (who isn't the same as regular Sam) tried to look for Dean in 6.09 "Clap Your Hands If You Believe"—it was simply that when leads for the night dried up, he hooked up with someone because he had nothing more to go on and in soulless Sam's head that was the reasonable thing to do. But soulless Sam also certainly isn't representative of the real Sam—the fact that he doesn't care as much is supposed to point us to differences between him and regular Sam. Season 8 opens with Sam abandoning Dean in a context that makes him arguably worse than his soulless self.

(I talk about why Sam actually abandons everyone in season 8 in a very long post here).

Season 8 and 9 more broadly

So Carver has Sam abandon Dean to die without even trying. Then he has Sam refuse to give any kind of actually reasonable explanation that makes sense to anyone who was paying attention. Then he has Sam say that he's going to leave the life and Dean needs to get over it and accept that Sam's new life will not include contact with Dean (just like his life at Stanford didn't). While saying he's going to leave, he still wants to exert control over Dean's relationships and leverages the threat of leaving (as if he were going to stay) to get Dean to shut up about Sam abandoning him and then again to try and get Dean to cut ties with Benny. He wants to kill Benny before knowing a single thing about him. He assigns someone (Martin) who he knows is mentally unstable and has a more black and white perception of monsters to track Benny and gets Martin killed. He watches Martin knock Dean unconscious and chain him up in a room and doesn't stop it because he wants Benny dead that bad, but then has the audacity to act as if Dean sending him a fake text is worse than Sam literally chaining him up in a room to prevent Sam from killing an innocent person (someone Sam would normally—btw—defend based on episodes like 2.03 and 4.04 or even a few episodes ago with Kate in "Bitten"). He tells Amelia he wants to fight for their relationship then the moment Dan says they should leave the choice to Amelia, he leaves so that it becomes his choice, and then he returns for one episode just to be a homewrecker. He insists on doing The Trials while promising to survive them and giving a big speech about how he's going to save Dean from his own suicidal ideation and then drops the promise as if it never existed two episodes later. Sam loses confidence in himself to complete The Trials and then acts like Dean is the one who doesn't believe in him because Dean is caring for him and insisting he rest and this is an unforgivable offense. At the end of the season, he basically says he's going to commit suicide because Dean has friends besides him. He acts as if he deserves to be Dean's most trusted confidant after an entire season of him being an absolutely fucking terrible brother and acts like Dean is just a big meanie whose feelings are irrational.

After all of this, he has the audacity, in season 9, to suggest that Dean is a bad person who can't stand the thought of being alone. He tells Dean he's the worst person ever and they can only be work partners from now on because Dean is so so bad and evil for stopping him from committing suicide and then not telling him about Gadreel. At the end of the season he admits this was a lie. He just wanted to punish Dean (9.23).

I can see how—if you were watching live at the time (I started watching when season 11 was airing) you'd lose hope. You'd quit the show over all of this, because it seems to go on forever. It's like torture. I would drop kick season 8 Sam into a pit full of lava without hesitation so I get it. If I believed that Carver was actually saying "Yes so true Dean is The Worst™️ and Sam is morally superior <3" for two seasons straight I'd quit the show too. But that isn't what he's saying. We're supposed to read between the lines and realize how unbelievably full of shit Sam is—how deeply selfish and hypocritical he's being. How yes—Dean has made mistakes—but Sam is NOT a better person than him and has gotten away with some absolutely rancid garbage. And season 10 and 11 go on to beat you over the head with it if you didn't get it the first time.

Season 10 and 11

Season 10 opens with this dialogue from a demon:

I heard the rumors. I said "no, that can't be." A Winchester, one of us? But it's true, isn't it? Whatever soul you had; whatever boy scout code you cuddled up to at night; it's all gone. Leaving what? Look at you!

We're meant to think she's talking about Dean who just woke up with black eyes, but then the camera cuts to Sam torturing her, demanding to know where Dean is.

In 10.03, we learn that Sam talked a man (Lester) into selling his soul so he could use him as bait. Demon Dean ends up being assigned to fulfill Lester's deal (to kill his wife for cheating on him). Dean immediately clocks Lester as having cheated on her first and kills Lester for being an insufferable hypocrite... and while he's doing it, I'm pretty sure he's also thinking of Sam's flaming hypocrisy.

SAM: I never meant— DEMON DEAN: Who cares what you meant?! That line that we thought was so clear between us and the things that we hunted, ain’t so clear is it? Wow. You might actually be worse than me! I mean, you took a guy at his lowest, used him, and it cost him his life and his soul. Nice work.

NOTE: 10.03 also recalls 4.21—an episode Sam fans have always tended to emphasize as a "Dean crime" episode where Dean risks Sam's death to force a detox. Sam does the reverse—pumping Dean full of human blood here in 10.03 and explicitly risking his death.

Sam gets Suzie killed in "The Werther Project" while searching for The Book of the Damned.

SAM I’m sorry, okay? I’m so sorry. SUZIE Lot of good “sorry” does me. Look at me. Look….at….me. [She points to her corpse.] There she is. The first casualty of your misguided mission. But what’s another human life to you? Anything’s worth it, as long as you two make it out alive. And how’s that search going? Any closer to a cure? SAM This isn’t real. You’re not real. SUZIE You think Dean’s the wild card, the loose cannon. But don’t you see? Making deals with witches, opening Pandora’s box down there? You’re the reckless one. You’ll do anything to keep clinging to that doomed brother of yours. How many more will die, Sammy? You know it. You have to be stopped. And the only one who can stop you is you!

A few episodes later, Sam orders Oskar's death for a spell to remove the Mark of Cain. I've seen hilarious posts before about how he had no choice but to do this because MoC Dean is so scawy and bad but that quite explicitly is not his motivation. They could have done so many other things. Throw him into space. Bury him in a really deep hole. Put him in something like The Cage. But Sam didn't like any of those options, because all of them meant being without his brother, and he's realized he doesn't want to be without him no matter the cost (10.18).

SAM So, awhile back, we had a chance to, um…close the gates of Hell. And in order to do that, I would’ve had to die. And, I was okay with that, and I am okay with that, but Dean was not. And so, he uh… CHARLIE He saved you. SAM Yeah, he saved me. CHARLIE And let me guess, in doing so, he did something you didn’t want, and that pissed you off. And you said something that hurt him? SAM Yeah, that sounds about right. [...] SAM You know, when Dean came to get me at school, I-I told myself… one last job, you know? One more job. And then when – when I, um…. When I lost Jess, I, again, told myself one more job. There’s always one more job, you know? And one more job, and one more job, and then I was gonna go back to law and – and to my life. CHARLIE You were the Dread Pirate Roberts of hunting. SAM Yeah. I guess I really understand now that….this is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother. And if he’s gone, then I don’t…. CHARLIE I got it. I-I do.

This all culminates in 10.23, where a very mentally unstable MoC Dean attempts to reason with Sam about them both being evil and needing to take themselves out:

DEAN: Remember when we were in that church, making Crowley human, about to close the Gates of Hell? Well, you sure as hell were ready to die for the greater good then. SAM: Yeah, and, Dean, you pulled me back. DEAN: And I was wrong. You were right, Sam. You knew that this world would be better without us in it. SAM: No, no, no, wait a second. You're twisting my words here, Dean. DEAN: Why? Because we -- we track evil and kill it? The family business? Is that it? Look at the tape, Sam. Evil tracks us. And it nukes everything in our vicinity -- our family, our friends. It's time we put a proper name to what we really are and we deal with it. SAM: Wait a second. We are not evil. Listen... We're far from perfect, but we are good. That thing on your arm is evil, but not you, not me. DEAN: I let Rudy die. How was that not evil? I know what I am, Sam. But who were you when you --when you drove that man to sell his soul... Or when you bullied Charlie into getting herself killed? And to what end? A-a good end? A just end? To remove the Mark no matter what the consequences? Sam, how is that not evil? I have this thing on my arm, and you're willing to let the Darkness into the world. SAM: You were also willing to summon death to make sure you could never do any more harm. You summoned me because you knew I would do anything to protect you. That's not evil, Dean. That's not an evil man. That is a good man crying to be heard, searching for... some other way.

Dean is saying a lot of shady shit here, but some of what he's saying... isn't wrong?

Sam is willing to let The Darkness destroy the world, and he does, and then standing in the aftermath of a town being destroyed by the force he unleashed, Sam says:

SAM: I unleashed a force on this world that could destroy it . . . to save you. DEAN: And I told you not to. SAM: And I'd do it again. In a second, I would do it again.

Thousands of people are dying and Sam says he would do it again. This post about Sam's actions versus Dean stopping Sam from closing the gates of hell is highly relevant.

Season 11 continues with Sam taking a little more responsibility for his own decisions, while praying for Dean to live (11.02):

SAM: So . . . I know it's been a long time, but . . . Dean and I, we've -- we've been through a lot of bad. But this is different. This is my fault, and I don't know how to fix it. And if I have to die, I've made my peace with that, but . . . Please. Dean deserves better. Dean deserves a life. There are people out there, good people, who are going to suffer because of me, and I am not asking you to clean up my mess. Hell, I don't even know if you're out there, but . . . If you are . . . And if you can hear me, I, um . . . We need your help, God. We need to know there's hope. We need a sign.

And then there's the VERY long-awaited apology:

SAM When I was with Lucifer, he, um... He showed me things. It was like a highlight reel of my biggest failures. DEAN Yeah, he was messing with you. That's what he does. SAM Give me a sec. I should've looked for you. When you were in Purgatory, I... I should've turned over every stone.

Family (Sam) as chains

While all of this is happening, we also have Benny and Cas and Crowley and Amara.

Benny is contrast—someone whose goodness and selfless loyalty only makes Sam's horrible flaws stand out more sharply in season 8. Under the influence of the specter, Dean says, "Benny has been more of a brother to me this past year than you have ever been" and Sam can't stand it. It haunts him so bad he tries to kill Benny, and can't get over it even after the end of the season when Benny is fucking dead. He is unable to accept that the contrast between himself and Benny is his own fault.

Crowley and Dean's flirtations begin in season 9, as Sam suffocates Dean, and at the end of the season, Crowley has literally convinced Dean to run away with him. In 10.01, there is a delightful phone call where Crowley rubs it in Sam's face that Dean is with HIM:

SAM I don't know how you did this, what kind of... Black-magic stunt you pulled, but hear me --I will save my brother or die trying. CROWLEY You know what tickles me about all this? It's what's really eating you up. You don't care that he's a demon. Heck, you've been a demon. We've all been demons. No, it's that he's with me and he's having the time of his life. You can't stand the fact that he's mine. SAM He's not your pet. CROWLEY My pet? He's my best friend, my partner in crime. They'll write songs about us, graphic novels. “The Misadventures of Growley and Squirrel." Dean Winchester completes me, and that's what makes you lose your chickens.

It's this cruel callback to Sam's jealousy of Benny and Cas in season 8—how Crowley convinced Dean to finally ditch his smothering, controlling brat of little brother who can't stand him having friends, and now Dean is having the time of his life howling at the moon. The problem is, Dean also feels a little bit like maybe Crowley wants to control him too, and that isn't working for him.

Amara in season 11 goes on to further speak on terrible brothers who think they're better than you, who leave you betrayed and diminished, who abandon you. She's raging against the concept of family as chains—she wants revenge... but all the while she's in pain because she still loves her brother. Amara's attraction to Dean is based on that commonality—what she feels is a shared experience and how she wants to cut the last remaining pieces of love she feels for her brother away so she can finally be free of the pain of him—and she doesn't care if she destroys everything—including herself—in the process. (See: Dean slowly losing his identity through the MoC arc). Sam and Dean's relationship is in rehab over this whole season though, and so Dean's role ends up being to convince Amara not to destroy herself—to instead do what Sam and Dean have done and make up and work on improving their relationship.

#writer disk horse #carver #mail #multiseason #season 8 #season 9 #season 10 #season 11 #sams moral compass #deans moral compass #amara #crowley #benny #charlie #family chains

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winchester-girl67 · 2 years

Text

The Dinner Guest

Summary: Dean gets angry with his daughter, the reader, when she gets home past curfew and misses dinner with her grandfather.

Requested by @cokcola4112: “Supernatural imagine the reader is Dean daughter and stands up against John for Dean when Dean is being rough on the reader."

Pairing: AU!Dean x Daughter!reader (platonic)

Square: Midnight @spnfluffbingo

Word Count: 3,440

Warning: daddy!Dean, language, some angst, mentions of past unplanned teenage pregnancy (age not specified), mentions of past financial struggles, mentions of divorce/separation/Sam dating Dean's ex-wife (Y/N's mom), John being a bit of a jerk, dysfunctional family, mainly fluff

A/N: I hope you like it, the characters kinda ran away with it and made it longer than I intended. Also written for @spnfluffbingo. Enjoy!

_____

"Where have you been?" Your father asked, flipping on the entrance light when you opened the front door.

It was later than you expected to get back and you knew he would be pissed especially since you had left him to deal with his father, your grandfather, John, alone. You were supposed to be having dinner with them earlier, for the first time in forever since John was never in town, but skipped out on it; on purpose. What you didn’t expect to see was John’s boots next to the front door, meaning he was still there.

"Out." You replied stiffly, struggling with your keys in the sticky lock and yanking them free with a rough tug.

"Out, where?" Dean questioned, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at you.

"Just, out. What's it to you?" You snipped, slamming the door shut like you knew he hated.

"I'm your father, Y/N, and it’s midnight! You know you were supposed to be home for dinner and you blatantly missed curfew. So, who were you with?" He said, raising his voice and you knew John, who was in the other room could probably hear every word.

"There's no point in me telling you." You shrugged off your coat, throwing it at the hook on the wall and not caring that it didn’t stick, doing the same with your purse.

"And, why not?"

"Because I'm sure you tracked my phone anyways, like you always do. You're a compulsive control freak and that's exactly why mom left you for Uncle Sammy." You growled, giving him your best staredown.

You knew you had been taking a lot out on him lately, but you were angry and he was the only one around since your mother moved out to live with your uncle a few months ago. You didn’t understand the whole situation, mainly because your father refused to talk to you about it. You still loved both of your parents, but you couldn’t bottle up your feelings as well as he could and it had been creating a rift between you for a while now.

"I'm gonna give you one chance to take that back, little girl." Dean warned, chewing on his lip in frustration, no doubt drawing some blood.

"I'm almost eighteen. I'm not your little girl."

"Just... go to your room," your father huffed, palming the scruff on his chin and furrowing his brows at his feet.

You could tell he didn’t know how to handle you anymore, now that you were older and hardly listened to him. You found that both empowering and kinda scary, you didn’t like seeing him deflated like that, like he was alone in the world. You hoped he still knew that you were always on his side and that you were just angry at the situation, not so much him. Yet, you still said it…

"I hate you, I can't wait to get out of here too." You muttered, kicking off your shoes so they bounced off of the wall, dried dirt scattering across the hardwood.

An action that usually triggered your father's wrath. You’d been testing him a lot lately. You pushed past him and started up the stairs.

"Excuse me?! Y/N, get back here!" Dean ordered, pointing to the ground in front of him.

"Thought I was supposed to go to my room," you quipped, turning on the stairs to face him and towering over him for a change.

"Look, kid, I understand you're still upset about the separation-"

"Separation?! You drove her into the arms of your brother, how fucked up is that? I can't even tell my friends because I don't even understand what happened, because you never wanna talk about it!" You shouted, stomping your foot on the step in frustration.

You loved your Uncle Sammy, he’d been around since you were a baby and he was literally your best friend. But you felt you were betraying your father somehow by continuing that friendship; another reason why you were so angry and confused.

"Y/N/N, you'll understand when you're older." Your father’s answer for everything and you threw your arms into the air before slapping your hands back down on your thighs.

"I'm so tired of that excuse." You rolled your eyes, grumbling your way up the stairs, done with the conversation even if he wasn't.

"So am I." Dean muttered under his breath.

You stomped down the hall and slammed your bedroom door, tiptoeing back to the top of the staircase. You sat just out of view so you could eavesdrop on your father and grandfather. They hadn't been in the same room together in sixteen years and you were curious.

"You should take it easy on her, she's just a kid." John commented, his voice gruffer than that of your father.

"She's old enough to get pregnant, she needs to be more responsible." Dean insisted and you knew it was coming from his own experience.

"I didn't breathe down your neck when you were her age and you turned out fine." John tried to brush it off as if his parenting style was flawless, but your father had something to say about that.

"Fine? You were never around and it was a miracle if you ever even answered the phone... You wanna know where fine got me? Fine, got me fooling around with my brother's high school crush, getting her pregnant before college and struggling to keep our heads above water, filing for divorce at the age of thirty-seven while my soon to be ex-wife and my little brother ride off into the sunset. And that's not the part that's eating at me; believe it or not, I'm actually happy that they're finally together. They make eachother happy and we were always better as just friends." Dean gushed and you scooted down a couple of steps to hear better. “The part that really kills me, is the way my daughter looks at me now. She is the best thing in my life and she hates me, and everything I say only ever makes it worse. So that's what ‘fine’ got me."

"Sounds like she takes after her father. You were always testing my patience when if you had listened to me in the first place and taken that job with me, you wouldn't be in this mess." John stated matter-of-factly as if he had been around to give advice, which you guessed he hadn’t been because your father rarely spoke about him.

"If I wasn't in this mess I wouldn't have Y/N." Dean replied simply.

"You could've made something of yourself, son. That's all I'm saying."

"Even if I could, I wouldn't change a damn thing. I love my kid and I'd kill for her if she asked me to. It's just a rough patch, we'll get through it. But you wouldn't understand that," Dean said, his voice sounded hurt and you wondered if it was because of you or John.

Your father never really opened up to you before, not about the real stuff, his childhood and now the divorce. But, you knew it was because he wanted you to be a kid for as long as possible, he always told you that. You thought it was because he got married and had you at a young age, but now you suspected it had more to do with your grandfather and his own upbringing. Though, you didn’t have much to go on.

"You're right, I don't get it. You had the chance to be so much more, son. I gave you every opportunity that my father could never give me and you squandered it. That's why I took my chance when I got it and you kids were better for it." John argued, his voice raising slightly.

Now you know where your father got his temper from, even if he did control it better.

"Leaving us for days- No, weeks on end while you played salesman across state lines and I had to watch Sammy? That’s better?! Dad, I practically raised my little brother since he was a toddler. I didn't want anything like that for Y/N, I wanted her to have both of her parents and we made it work for as long as we could." Dean ranted, you thought it was good that he got a bit of it off of his chest, but didn’t want things to escalate too much. You didn’t want either one of them saying something they couldn’t take back later. "Unlike you, I was a goner the moment I looked into my baby girl's big Y/E/C eyes."

"And that's why you'll never amount to anything. Because I did what I had to do to provide for my family."

"So do I. We just have different priorities," your father grumbled. "This was a mistake."

"Clearly," John agreed and you heard the chairs they sat in scrap across the hardwood as they stood up.

"Grandpa John, wait!" You yelled, running down the stairs and blocking their path to the front hall. “My dad and I may fight sometimes, but he is not a loser-"

"Hey, nobody ever said loser." Dean corrected, furrowing his brows.

"He's always there for me when I need him, even if I don't want him there… there he is." You rambled, gesturing wildly with your hands and getting a little lost in thought.

Your father was the worrying type and you knew from experience that it wasn't an easy trait to coexist with. Although, there wasn't much you could do about it either. And you remembered back to the first time you brought a boy home, he'd left practically in tears with his tail between his legs and you never heard from him again.

"Y/N-" Dean tsked.

"Let me finish." You insisted, holding up a palm to your father and turning your attention to John. "He went back to school to get his GED, did you know that? And he's got his own business now, too. Meanwhile, he’s a full time dad to a bratty teenager; his adjective, not mine. But, I’d still say he qualifies as a good role model. He never gives up and he's kind of awesome, when he's not totally crowding my space.”

Dean's frown turned upside down and he bit back a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. You were aware it was the nicest thing you’d said to him in a long time and it wasn’t really even to him. But, you know your grandfather needed to hear just how awesome you thought your dad was, and you did, even if you were still mad.

"I didn't know you never graduated from high school." John stated and Dean looked down sheepishly.

“Of course you wouldn't, you were never around." He shrugged, sounding a hell of a lot like you and you cringed, knowing just how much you were your father's daughter.

"I was home for every holiday," John scoffed.

"For hours at a time and you never asked about us.” Dean rebutted with a hard glare.

"Sam-"

"Sammy graduated with honours, I made sure of it. I also made sure he had the money for college while raising my own child." Dean boasted, crossing his arms over his chest again, like you knew he did when he was pissed.

It wasn't until now that you realized just how much your father did for everyone else and it was time you jumped in the middle to do something for him. Figuratively, of course.

"Enough fighting. Is this what it was gonna be like at dinner?! No wonder I skipped it.” You groaned, rolling your eyes exaggeratedly.

"It's okay, kid, I was just leaving." John said, stepping forward but you cut him off again and stood in front of him.

"You're not going anywhere, sit down." You ordered, glaring up at the older man who was basically as tall as your father, but much broader.

"I don't take orders from a child." John stated, though he didn’t make a move to push past you and you raised your brow at him.

"What about your granddaughter that you haven't seen in sixteen years?" You asked and John let out a heavy breath, hanging his head and conceding easily.

You ushered John into the living room and he sat down in the armchair on the far end. Dean loitering behind you two at the doorway leading into the hall.

"You too, dad." You demanded, glancing back at him and patting the open couch cushion beside you. Dean smiled briefly as he made his way over, not bothering to question your motives. "Good, now apologize." You added, once they settled into their seats.

"Y/N," Dean sighed as if it wasn't something that would ever happen.

"The both of you, now." You glanced between them, but neither one made a move to speak first. "You," you pointed at John, "you haven't been around practically my whole life and by the sounds of it, most of my dad's either, so you can start there."

John squinted at you and you returned the stare until he broke and sighed, sounding just like his son. Him and Dean were a lot alike in the fact that they both didn’t like to open up, but you knew things needed to be said if you were going to get them anywhere near the beginnings of a healthy father-son relationship.

"I'm sorry, son. I missed so much of your life, but I was just trying to do what I thought was right for my family at the time." John apologized and the look on Dean's face was of pure shock at the admission of guilt.

"I guess I can understand that." Your father said after a moment of silent reflection.

"And, Y/N, I hope I haven't messed up my chance at getting to know you. That was the whole point of dinner tonight." John turned his attention to you and you smiled softly at him.

Dean noticing the display and grinning to himself. He wasn’t the only one with a soft spot for you it seemed and he liked the fact that his father was making an effort with you after all this time.

"See, we’re getting along already." You beamed, glancing at your father. “It's your turn, dad."

"For what?"

"Your apology." You stated simply. “You need to let go of the past if you want a chance at reconciling with grandpa. That is, if you want us to have a relationship." You motioned between yourself and your grandfather, tilting your head at Dean and giving him your best puppy dog eyes, a cheap shot your Uncle Sam had taught you.

"I'm sorry, sir." Dean stated simply, though you were a little surprised to hear him call John, sir.

"And now to me, for treating me like a child and never listening to me." You pushed your father and he gave you that look that said you’d gone too far. It was worth the try though, right?

"I'm not apologizing for being your father and worrying about you. I'm sorry, but it's never gonna change and I'm not gonna lie to you about it either.”

"Not exactly what I was looking for, but I'll take it. And now it's my turn.” You said, preparing your own apology in your mind and taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry I missed dinner, I was nervous and I went to see Uncle Sammy to talk about it. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you thinking I was on his and mom's side in the separation."

"Fuck, Y/N/N," Dean palmed his face, seemingly mad at himself. “If I've ever made you feel like you can't talk to your uncle, I'm sorry. I never meant for you to feel that way. Your mother and I, we love each other but we're not in love. And I know that's difficult to understand, but all you need to know is that we love you, with all our hearts and that will never change. You don't have to hide anything from me, ever."

You let what he said sink in, taking a steadying breath before you continued with your apology. There was still something you had to get off of your chest.

"And I'm sorry I said ‘I hate you’. I didn't mean it."

"I know, baby girl.” Your father said, pulling you in for a tight side hug.

"Dad? I have to tell you something," you said, chewing on your lip when you broke the hug.

"What is it, sweetheart?”

"Promise you won't get mad first."

"Promise," Dean nodded, crossing his heart, worry already swimming in the greens of his eyes as per usual.

"I’m pregnant." You watched your father’s jaw hit the floor before you burst out laughing a second later, unable to hold it in any longer. "I'm just fucking with you. I'm beat, I'm gonna head to bed… but I'd like it if you were around for breakfast." You said, glancing over at John who nodded and hummed at the idea. You stood up with a smile and pressed a quick kiss to your father’s hair. "Love you, daddy.” Then giggled as you jogged down the hall and up the stairs.

"I swear that kid's gonna be the death of me." Dean groaned, letting out a sigh of relief.

"You know who she takes after?" John grinned at the thought.

"Mom," Dean nodded with a chuckle, "I know. I see it more and more everyday."

"Same bold sense of humour and she can make you do anything with a single look." John commented with a sense of nostalgia and a hint of sadness.

"Mhm, welcome to my world, wrapped around her little finger." Dean laughed and he cleared his throat. "So you gonna stick around for a while?"

"I was planning on it. If that's alright with you."

"I'm sure Y/N would appreciate it... And so would I."

"I'll bring breakfast tomorrow then," John said, stifling a yawn. "I should get back to the motel."

"Why don't you stay in the guest room instead? It's late and we usually make a big breakfast on the weekends. I'll even invite Sam and Y/N's mom." Dean offered, knowing if his father stayed overnight, there’d be more of a chance of him actually sticking around for breakfast; even if he seemed to be telling the truth about sticking around this time.

"I'd like that,” John stated before he added, “only if it's not going to be awkward for you.”

"It won't be.” Dean shook his head, already typing away on his phone and sending a text to his brother to come over in the morning and to bring extra bacon.

Dean felt that maybe if you saw for yourself that there was no ill will between him and his brother then maybe you could get back to the way things used to be. Maybe you’d soften towards him a bit and you wouldn’t constantly be at each other’s throats. First and foremost, he was your father, but he also wanted to be your friend again. He missed being silly with you and watching those trashy reality shows with you that you loved while eating way too much junk food.

"There's something Y/N said, you own your own business?"

"Yeah, me and my buddy, Lafitte, bought this auto-body shop when the guy we were working for retired." Dean explained briefly.

"I'd like to hear more about that in the morning," John yawned again.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I wanna be more present in your lives. I'm getting older and looking back on my life, there's a lot I regret. You turned out alright though, better than your old man. That's gotta count for something." John said with a small smile.

"You didn't do everything wrong, dad. You didn't do a hell of a lot right, but being a dad myself I understand it couldn't have been easy without mom." Dean said, trying to understand his father’s side of things.

"I know I don't say it much, but I hope you and your brother know that I...-" John choked on the words and cleared his throat, Dean cutting him off before he could finish.

"We know. Me too." He nodded, silently exchanging the same sentiment. "We should get some rest, Y/N's a real spitfire in the morning without her coffee and bacon."

"Takes after her father in that manner, I see." John chuckled loudly and Dean smirked.

"In more ways than one," Dean beamed at the idea of his little girl taking after him. “Come on, I'll show you to your room."

_________________________   Dean/Jensen: @akshi8278 @laycblack @thoughts-and-funnies

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dyed-red · 1 year

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phyn! happy wincest wednesday! I am thinking about how Sam and Dean are both not great at sharing their feelings. they're inconsistent and bottle everything up until they blow up at each other. do you have anything to share about FEELINGS and the ways the brothers are similar, and different, in how they handle theirs? not sure where I'm going with this but have at 'er

mmmmmmm feelings. they taste so good when they're all suppressed and thorny. this is all opinion and initial thoughts and a super long post but here we go:

Similarities

Compartmentalization is the big one, to me. Although there are some differences in what and how they compartmentalize, both of them are masters at it. Dean is a bit more blunt about this, especially early on, although I'd argue the pendulum sort of swings at a certain point and we've got Sam with more boxes of unacknowledged shit he's placed in carefully organized rows down in the depths somewhere.

they're also both far more likely to use problem-focused coping, sam especially in the early seasons despite how he tries to get others to acknowledge their emotions. from seasons 1-4, at least, possibly including s5, sam's main (only?) coping skill is to Solve The Problem. this often looks like identifying the issue, researching it, finding a solution, committee 200% to that solution no matter how insane it might be, and putting that plan in motion.

(see: driving the impala into a derelict house in the pilot, the entire episode of Faith, the way he throws himself at finding dad and then at the yellow-eyed demon all to the detriment of saving others and his own life until dean pulls him back from whichever ledge it happens to be this week, the way he approaches the special kids stuff, then the entirety of season 3, and especially how this manifests in both mystery spot and the period we see in 'i know what you did last summer' when dean was dead, and it's part of what makes him so susceptible to ruby who promises solutions, and part of how he ends up rationalizing blood drinking and the kill lilith at all costs attitude)

and i put this under similarities because while dean is actually honestly genuinely better at emotion-focused coping than sam is in those early seasons, he is very solution-oriented in how he tries to approach feelings and emotional issues. this is most especially true for the big things as well: he wants to solve sam's grief in season 1 and he wants to do it by throwing him at women, he decides to solve sam's death by selling his own soul, he even attempts to (re)solve dad's orders to kill sam if needed by trying to convince sam that they should maybe give up hunting early in s2 (it's a weak and half-hearted attempt but worth noting).

and then of course there is just straight-up suppression. play through the pain, push it down and let it come out through bouts of alcoholism and violence, Do Not Talk About It even if you acknowledge its impact on you (sam and his grief over jess, both of them over john's death, dean eventually and his time in hell). this is different than compartmentalization in that it's there on the surface in a huge way and it's plain as day and you know it and acknowledge it but there's nothing you can do about it so you just sort of ignore it and refuse to sit with it or talk about it and just... continue existing with this wound bleeding inward or outward.

(see: getting angry and breaking things, being reckless or self-destructive and endangering self and others, etc. this is not a tactic that works. this is bottle up and explode.)

distractions is one i should mention here too, as one of their core (more healthy and adaptive) emotion-focused coping strategy, but i'm tempted to talk about it more under differences because they have really different distraction methods except for one. they both use fresh/new hunts to distract themselves from whatever it is that is causing them stress or pain.

Differences

continuing on the thread of distractions, dean uses media and escapism through narrative in a way sam simply Does Not. dean watches scooby-doo and horror movies and explicitly says he enjoys the escape and knowing that the bad guy is going to lose in the end. he references books and quotes them far more frequently than sam, everything from aesop to vonnegut, and we know that he loves music quite a bit, probably part of how he drowns out reality or escapes from it when he needs to.

in general, i think dean also dissociates more than sam does. this is integral in some of that 'dean as object' stuff. he separates himself from his physical body and steps behind it and away, so that what is happening to his body isn't happening to him, often when a monster or demon is threatening and implying some sexual violence.

conversely i think sam rationalizes and medicalizes a fair amount. he wants to understand and be able to explain (at least to himself) what his emotions are and what he's going through, because / as if the ability to understand and explain it provides a degree of power over it. sam craves control, and rationalizing affords illusory control over his emotions, allowing him to convince himself he has mastery over those feelings even when he's in fact very off the rails and being dragged around by his emotions like a dog on a leash.

this tends to mean that sam is up in his head explaining and re-explaining his own shit to himself until he's got a handle on it, and dean is out of his head escaping.

sam uses distractions as well, as i said with a new hunt, and with reading the lore. the lore thing is two-fold though -- it provides a sense of control over things again, illusory or real, because that knowledge can help in a pinch, even if it's not related to a current case. so he can kind of convince himself he's reading for work or for a present problem or that it will be helpful, even when he's using it as a distraction.

sam also somatizes more, i think, which is when your psychological stresses manifest in your physical body. we're dipping a little into headcanon territory here but i picture him as someone more prone to headaches and stomach aches than dean as a result of stress and anxiety (dean's stomach aches are earned through eating food he shouldn't have).

i connect this partly to sam's clean living/eating/exercising more as time goes on, although that is also about control. much like reading the lore 'just in case' and developing encyclopedic knowledge of things they may encounter no matter how far-fetched, eating well and exercising affords a small advantage against monsters.

exercising as a coping mechanism more general can also be a way to distract oneself and is a good emotion-focused coping mechanism when used to get restless energy out and improve one's mood. i think sam does use exercise adaptively and healthily like this and it's generally good for him, but yeah that it can and does tend toward obsessive control/coping sometimes.

something i think they do in different ways is also their problem- and emotion-focused approach to 'tend and befriend'. we can cope with our own shit sometimes by getting out of our own heads and focusing on others instead -- helping them with their problems or giving them stuff or just generally socially connecting with laughter and fun.

on this, sam likes to find a person experiencing a problem, get them to open up, provide empathy or offer words of support, and in so doing, stop focusing or worrying so much about his own shit. he does this with dean but also with victims on cases and gets more out of hearing about their issues and offering them advice/support than dean does. dean will engage in the practice too, but it doesn't emotionally feed him the way it does with sam, who processes his own emotions through empathizes with others, and dean does it out of necessity more than anything.

in contrast, dean likes to solve another person's problems for them (see: trying to throw sam at women) or distract himself by hearing about what is going on with others (see: asking cas to distract him when crowley and gadreel are co-possessing sam). solving their shit allows him to stop worrying about it or allows him space to process his stuff, potentially by hearing about theirs and having his own churn themselves along alongside the other person's, or in the meantime.

relatedly, dean also tends to mother hen others, and in so doing he uses caretaking as a means of coping with his own shit. this is part of dean's illusory control methods, because it affords him the sense that he's doing a job and if he does it right then things will be okay. he engages in caretaking by identifying and meeting the needs of others, and this is distinct from him trying to solve their problems only in how it tends to be more emotional, whether that's being 4 or 5 years old telling his mom things will be okay, as an adult pointing out bobby's drinking and later giving him whatever speeches he needs after he's become paralyzed from the waist down, and manifests in so many ways with john and with sam it's not worth counting.

tl;dr

while both brothers use compartmentalization, suppression, helping others, and distractions at a broad level, at a more specific level, both sam and dean have very different emotion-focused coping mechanisms, and different ways their problem-focused coping manifests.

sam hits his head against a problem until it cracks open, and does so rigidly and to his own (and the planet's) detriment until he is forced to learn some more emotion-focused coping mechanisms after the cage. he is always seeking a sense of control so he reads lore, eats well, pushes his body, and rationalizes/medicalizes until he can gain a sense of control. some of this is adaptive. eventually he learns to sit with his emotions enough to process them as they arise and threaten to overwhelm or overtake him, which allows him to compartmentalize them more effectively as needed.

dean copes with a similar sense of helplessness by distracting himself from the issue through hunting and the job, and sometimes through narrative transportation and by taking care of others, all of which can be adaptive for the smaller issues or one-off hurts, but causes him a lot more pain with the big stuff like his betrayal over sam going to stanford or his emotions about his father (john's death and his treatment of dean and their messed up dynamic all included) or what hell wrought on him. when bigger hurts stack up, much like sam, he is eventually forced to learn more adaptive or flexible ways to navigate overwhelming feelings, which i tend to think involves sitting with them and acknowledging them and allowing himself to think about them, something i don't think he did when he was younger except when he lost control over his compartmentalizing, but that allows him to go over them and then set them aside better, when ready.

for both of them, when circumstances demand or emotions overwhelm, they will open up and talk out or acknowledge the emotion. this tends to manifest in distressed sadness from dean and in distressed anger from sam, when they're at their wits' end, with dean expressing shame but seldom guilt, and sam expressing guilt but seldom shame. exceptions include how dean expresses guilt over ways he's hurt sam or others and how sam expresses shame over actions taken related to victimized aspects of himself. at the end of the day though, they both get better and more adaptive and healthy as time goes on at sitting with their feelings instead of trying to control or ignore them.

#characterization #long post #long post for ts #sam #dean #emotions #my meta #wincest wednesday #but no wincest to speak of sorry #also this is of course opinion #and if i thought about it a bit deeper i might come to different conclusions on some of these #so if you anyone feels differently and wants to point out or share why please feel free to rebagel and discuss!#right on queue

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destielshippingnews · 1 year

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Edvard's Supernatural Guide: 2x12 Nightshifter

Episode 2x12 Nightshifter is Ben Edlund’s second screenplay for Supernatural, and similarly to 2x05 Simon Said it is not a stand-out episode, at least in my opinion. It is one of the fan-favourites, but it generally leaves me cool: 1x06 Skin had a better shapeshifter, and it has only been a handful of episodes since Dean and Sam’s last run-in with the police in 2x07 The Usual Suspects. It is one I considered skipping, but after deciding not to I saw that there are some aspects of it which I do enjoy.

The main thing which stood out about this episode was the rapport Dean and Ron had. Ron is presented as a loon and conspiracy theorist whom people dismiss. The police called him a ‘post-traumatic case’ and Sam talked to him like he is an idiot. He is a bit of an idiot, but not because of his conviction that ‘mandroids’ exist or his wall covered in maps and pictures. We are probably supposed to think he is off his rocker, but given the context of the show taking place in a world where the supernatural (pun intended) is very much alive and hunters such as Dean, Sam, and John do exactly what Ron did in order to find and kill monsters, Ron ends up looking like he is on the right track but is lacking one of two vital bits of information. If someone were to see John’s maps in 1x01 Pilot or 1x21 Salvation without knowing that monsters exist, s/he would think him a madman. Dean himself points this out to Sam after meeting Ron.

Dean and Sam visit Ron while investigating a string of apparent thefts and suicides. Ron was a security guard at a jewellery shop which was robbed by one of his colleagues named Juan. Ron copied the security tapes before the police took the originals as evidence, and based on his seeing Juan’s eyes flash in the videos, he eventually concluded Juan was not Juan but a mandroid. Whilst sitting across from Ron in their FBI get-up, Dean and Sam’s reactions to him are quite different. For all that he claims to think there is something wrong with him, and all the times later in the show he will call himself a freak and such, Sam gives the impression of being a completely normal, average, typical guy listening to somebody whom he regards as several different kinds of deficient. His entire bearing is unsympathetic and cold.

Dean on the other hand seems almost perfectly at ease with Ron, and is capable of meeting him on his own wavelength. This is far from the only time Dean will show a kinship with people others deem ‘crazy’, 1x10 Asylum being a particularly striking example. Sam seems like a neurotypical person impatiently listening to an autistic guy talk about his hyperfixation, whereas Dean is the other autistic guy who gets it.

This is why what you show is more important than what you tell. You can tell me Sam is a ‘freak’ as much as you want, but if I see something which says the opposite, I am going to trust what I see.

Anyway, Sam decided unilaterally to essentially tell Ron he was crazy and that he was just trying to avoid accepting that his friend robbed a band and killed somebody. Dean looked completely taken aback by this, apparently convinced Sam would induct Ron into the hunters’ life. Why Sam thought it unnecessary to consult Dean in the hallway for a minute or two before telling Ron anything is beyond me, but it ended up being a very bad idea.

Sam’s idea ended up getting people killed, but this time the blame cannot be placed at his feet. Unlike all the times he refused to pull the bloody trigger, he could not have known that Ron would lock himself in the bank with a rifle and a load of hostages. I wrote earlier that Ron is a bit of an idiot, and the reason for that is his complete obliviousness regarding the consequences of his choices. He took a bank hostage with a rifle, failed to ensure that nobody contacted the outside world, and was surprised to learn that the police had shown up with SWAT teams. On top of that, he was told to stay out of the light, but what did he do? Stood in the light long enough for a sniper to ventilate him. He also sounded utterly clueless when speaking to the police on the phone. That is all his responsibility, and given his incompetence, his death was no great surprise.

That being said, it could perhaps have been avoided had Ron been furnished with a bit of knowledge about the truth behind the ‘mandroids’ before things escalated like they did. Ron’s actions were those of a desperate man driven into a corner. Had Sam done what Dean clearly wanted to do, they could perhaps have worked with Ron, or told them the truth about why they were there and what they were hunting.

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The hunting life is an apt metaphor for living with any kind of serious trauma, mental illness, or neurodiversity. Hunters are inducted into the life either through a horrific event (personal trauma) or through being raised in the life by parents and carers (generational trauma), and those not inducted into the life cannot see what is hiding at the periphery. They also cannot see the hunters fighting ‘demons’ and ‘monsters’ every day of their lives, and would say they are crazy if the hunters told them what they were dealing with.

Ron had been introduced to the hunting life through witnessing a shifter in the shape of his friend rob his bank, beat him up, then apparently die by suicide afterwards. Dean wanted to extend Ron a hand of understanding and support, but Sam decided it best to keep Ron in the dark in order to keep him safe. If Ron knew about monsters etc, he would just go after them, or so Sam concluded. This might seem like wisdom were it not for the fact that monsters find people regardless of whether they know about them or not. How many people in this show have been victimised by the supernatural out of the blue through no fault of their own?

Sam’s decision is akin to telling somebody who been through a traumatic event that their flashbacks and triggers are not actual problems at all, that it is all in their head and they should ignore it, because actually understanding, acknowledging, and facing the monsters in your mind might be dangerous. Never mind the fact that forewarned is forearmed and that the monsters are there anyway. Sam really should have learnt by now that decisions he makes end up getting people hurt and killed, but Dean could and should have gainsaid him right then and there.

This seems to be a trait of Dean’s which is likely related to his tendency to abase himself and apologise for Sam’s mistakes in order to keep Sam with him. Dean does not likeactualarguments with Sam and generally avoids them if he can. He snarks and takes occasional potshots, but he generally tries to avoid head-on conflict with Sam. I wonder whether this is a trait of Jensen’s which the writers started writing into Dean’s character, since Jensen is also conflict-averse.

Returning to Ron, his hijacking of the bank is like a traumatised, mistreated person finally snapping and doing something irrevocably moronic out of anger, hopelessness, and even fear. “You don’t believe me,” he says. “Nobody believes me. How could they?” When looked at like this, Ron’s reaction to learning he is not crazy is completely understandable: he had spent weeks being told he was insane and had ended up thinking that about himself. He believed he was the problem, even while simultaneously being able to see the evidence that led to his conclusions right in front of him. Relief was his response when he finally learnt the truth. He had finally been given proof that he was not crazy, that his grasp on reality was not faulty, and that everybody else had been wrong to dismiss him. After having spent years being sneered at, mocked, and called delusional by a certain section of the Supernatural fandom, every single time Jensen and Misha say something at conventions which as good as confirms I and millions of others were right to see the subtext, I feel relieved.

Note once again that it is Dean who manages to get through to Ron in the bank. Dean is very compliant with Ron’s demands, but does not humbly submit. Rather he takes advantage of the situation to build what little rapport with him he can, then win him over by saying ‘I believe you. You’re not crazy. There really is something inside this bank.’

While Dean is busy saving the day, the purported main protagonist of this show Sam is useless. This is of course not a problem in itself, but given it is so often Dean doing the dirty work and getting beaten up while Sam gets to swoop in at the end and save the day with minimal effort, it emphasises Sam’s weakness. It is funny, then, that Sam’s response to Ron is to try shouting at him when Ron has the rifle pointed at him. Was this in the script or was it Jared’s acting choice? Either way, it emphasised Sam’s powerless in that situation. He did exactly the same in 8x06 Southern Comfort when civilwar!Dean pointed his pistol at Sam. Maybe it was a fear response.

And yes, I did notice Dean’s smug told you so look at Sam when Ron said ‘You SHUT UP! I ain’t talkin to you, I don’t like you!’ That line filled me with a warm, giddy, tingling sensation. It was almost physical, like when Sam got flung across the room in 1x09 Home. After Sam’s behaviour for the last few episodes and Kripke’s refusal to allow him face the consequences of his douchebaggery (including in this very episode), that was the least of what Sam deserved. I also noticed Sam give Dean a weird look when the guy frisking Dean found a silver blade tucked into his boot, as if it is a bad idea to be armed when investigating the bank they know a shapeshifter is targeting. What even is Sam? Why do he? And how?

Returning to Ron, It is hard for me to say Ron did not deserve understanding or sympathy after holding a bank up with a rifle because he did not intend to kill anybody and he had been driven into that state of desperation by people’s dismissal of him, including Sam. Maybe my thirty one years of experience as a neurodivergent homosexual have made it too easy for me to associate with the outsiders and rejects because somebody has to. I suppose he is a bit of a warning to people both with and without similar experiences.

Anyway, he died about halfway through the episode. The entire situation of the bank being locked down and surrounded by police and snipers was his responsibility, and there really was no way he was going free afterwards unless it was with Dean and Sam. I still do not want to say he got what he deserved, because he was just a misguided fool with no understanding of what he was getting himself into. Still, he died a stupid death which could have been avoided had he been more conscientious about staying out of the light. He seemed to die quickly, and it was touching to see Dean insist on commiserating with and paying what respects he could to Ron’s dead body before taking his dropped rifle.

Dean was right to say Ron did a good job tracking the shapeshifter. If he had been able to enter the hunting life, he might have been a good working partner for Ash in tracking monsters and coördinating hunts. I wonder also whether Dean’s seeming affinity for Ron is based in seeing a kinship of a sort: both are ‘weirdos’ on the fringes of society fighting things nobody else even knows about or wants to acknowledge. Dean certainly seemed affected by Ron’s death, but then again Dean blames himself for every single person he is unable to save.

After just over 2,000 words and almost five pages of discussing Ron and Dean, it is time for something I really did not like in this episode: the police and the FBI. By Loki’s fuzzy navel, I do not care about law enforcement in a show like Supernatural. I like The X-Files and Hannibal, and the few occasions the police were involved in Buffy and Angel were effective, in part because it was so sparing. But if the premise of a show is a conflict on the margins of society between monsters and humans, there is very little suspense or interest in being wanted by the FBI. The show is not going to end with the brothers being locked in prison to live out their days, or being sentenced to execution in Texas, so why should I care? An ending like that would be almost as risible and insulting as a vampire wearing a clown mask impaling Dean on a conveniently placed iron spike in a barn in the final episode of the show. Can you even imagine anything that stupid happening? The only thing which would make it even stupider would be if one of the vampires from 1x20 Dead Man’s Blood came back and the audience was expected to remember who she is.

Henriksen is presented as a serious threat and challenge to Dean and Sam, as well as a ruthless commander of his forces and a total douche to the local policemen. The fact he knows a lot about Dean and Sam’s past as well as John’s is supposed unsettle the viewer, as it does Dean. However, even one year after this episode was aired, the storyline was completely redundant. Henriksen appears in perhaps one or two episodes after this, and then 3x12 Jus in Bello happens. Goodbye, Henriksen.

The effect of this is to further frustrate me: this banal intrusion in my supernatural show demands my attention and insists on itself, but ultimately leads absolutely nowhere. The heavy-handed music cue and Dean’s repeated statement ‘We are so screwed’ after he and Sam escape in SWAT uniforms is also supposed to build suspense, which would be fine if this were The X-Files. The episode set up a cat-and-mouse conflict between Dean and Henriksen which got abandoned, probably because Kripke is a big fan of introducing plots and then dropping them.

youtube

It was also a bad idea for Henriksen to tell Dean over the phone that he has one hour to hand himself over, and then to tell his men they are going into the bank in five minutes. That is a good way to get a lot of people killed.

As for the shifter, its counterpart in 1x06 Skin was a Dean mirror, made obvious by the fact it spent a large section of the episode masquerading as Dean. The shifter in that episode was used to explore middle-class, white-skinned American suburbia’s fears and anxieties surrounding poor, working-class men and heterosexuals’ (especially women’s) fears of bisexual men. The shifter in this episode does not transform into Dean or anybody Dean-adjacent, but does spend a lot of the time as women and minority men. The link between this shifter and Dean is much more tenuous than in 1x06 Skin, and to be honest far less interesting. No Hannibal-references here, unfortunately.

Paula R. Stiles’s suggestion is that maybe it reflects or exaggerates prejudices Dean has or could have towards said groups, but I do not really think it is that deep for once. Dean was raised in a homosocial environment with little opportunity for social interaction with women and girls. He is shown throughout the show to be charming enough to make women swoon, but he does not really socialise with women much. Even when he was in the god-awful, anhedonic forced performance of a relationship with Lisa in series six, he did not really seem to have anything particularly real or deep with her. There was also his neighbour who had been buying him drinks for a year, so… Dean generally treats women the same as men, but he seems more emotionally distant from women. Taken to an extreme, this could become misogyny, but what relevance does that have to bank robberies and jewellery heists? I have no idea.

Perhaps it could be interpreted as a metaphor for middle-class white-skinned Americans’ possible discomfort and apprehension of minority men who rob their banks and jewellery shops, then kill their women, but I do not care nearly enough about this episode to bother going into more depth on that subject. It ain’t that deep.

While talking to the policeman, Henriksen essentially called Dean a monster and a bigger threat to the hostages than anything else in the bank. I am not of the same opinion, but Dean does show some behaviour in this episode which is cause for concern. Let me take the scenic route before telling you what that is.

Soon after Ron takes everybody hostage, he gets most of them to hole up in the bank’s vault whilst following Dean’s advice and keeping him at hand. One of the people in the vault is a young woman named Sherri whose fawning fan-girling of Dean – ‘he is so brave – sounds exactly like me in these analyses.

The events of the episode lead Dean to eventually find Sherri’s dead body on the floor in the office (wearing only a nightie, or whatever that item of women’s clothing is called) with her throat cut. He and Sam take what they assume to be shifter!Sherri out of the vault and into the office, where she sees her dead body, screams, and faints. Dean wasted no time in preparing to stab her with the silver letter opener, and would have done so had Sam not stayed Dean’s hand and worked out that the dead body was actually the shifter pretending.

The concerning behaviour here was the ease with which Dean was about to murder a person. He justifiably thought her a shapeshifter and most people would have come to the same conclusion Dean did. Some people say Sam is the brains of the operation, but I disagree. Dean is just sometimes quicker to action and quicker to make decisions which is sometimes a good thing, sometimes a bad thing. Remember, Sam’s indecisiveness and hesitation keeps preventing him from firing the bloody gun. This time, however, Sam being slower to action worked to their advantage and prevented Dean killing an actual innocent. Dean is not a monster, but seeing how easy it would have been for him to stab something which looked like a normal human is a clear indication that he could one day become a monster.

Like I said ages ago, Dean really should have been the Big Bad at some point. Not Dean possessed by an angel, or Dean turned into a demon, just Dean. Regular, normal Dean as an antagonist.

Sam was mostly annoying when he did anything in this episode. He did prevent Dean becoming an actual murderer (The Loquacious Terminator from 1x22 Devil’s Trap does not count, he was possessed by a demon at the time and left little recourse. Beverley in 2x09 Croatoan is debatable since she was very likely still infected. Sherri would have been a murder, though). Other than saving Dean from becoming an actual murderer, Sam was unnecessarily shouty, aggressive, and pissy throughout.

As this analysis comes to a close, it is time to discuss another issue, that being Sam. Yes, Dear Reader, I am going to bitch about Sam. I have already discussed his unwise unilateral decision to keep Ron in the dark, but immediately after that Dean starts giving him a hard time, then rather quickly becomes agreeable and compliant to a point where I thought ‘That is not what Dean would say in that situation’. Sam claimed it better to be kept in the dark and be safe than know about monsters and get killed, but that is utter horse crap because the shifter kills people in this episode who presumably knew nothing about monsters, as has been happening since 1x01 Pilot. Dean knows this, but rather than saying so, agreed it probably for the best that Ron not be told the truth.

One good thing about this episode is that Sam’s choices are shown to have negative consequences and characters make sure he knows it. Dean gets irritated with Sam for making him go into the bank without weapons (though why did Dean comply? He took the colt with him in 1x22 Devil’s Trap), and Ron makes it very clearly that he does not like Sam.

If there had been more of this on the show, and if Sam had learnt from his bad behaviour, I might have been able to like him at some point, but such is alas not the case.

And the last thing before I finish: I do not it when the cold open shows us an exciting, tense, dramatic scene, and then goes back in time 24 hours or something. It makes the actual episode feel slow and less interesting.

Thus endeth this analysis. Next is another script by Sera Gamble which is seen as a spiritual successor to 1x12 Faith by many, but which falls far short of that in my estimation.

And did I forget to mention Dean’s we little outfit?

#edvard's supernatural guide #supernatural #spn meta #meta analysis #spn 2x12 #spn 2x12 nightshifter #s02e12 #2x12 nightshifter #dean winchester #victor henriksen #sam winchester #spn rewatch #Youtube

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icarusalchemist · 2 years

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you should have raised a baby girl (i should have been a better son)

read on ao3

summary: John has never been a good father to his sons, but especially when he still thinks he's got a daughter and only one son.

or: what if dean had the colt and john told him to shoot? (1x22)

tw: transphobia, deadnaming, misgendering, canon-typical violence

Every time John said it, Dean wanted to punch him in the mouth. It had been years, at this point, yet John still refused to change or at least be less of an asshole. Dean could hear Sammy scoffing in the back of his head, even though it had been eight months since he'd last seen the kid.

'He's never going to accept it,' Sam had told him. That was before he left, before he abandoned Dean on his own with John, to face the consequences of losing Sam.

'He might,' Dean had tried. 'He's still friends with Bobby!'

'You honestly think Dad's observant enough or even cares enough to know about Bobby? And you would really call what they are "friends"? It's more like Bobby has been our drop-off babysitter for the past few years while Dad's been too obsessed to care about even putting us up in a motel,' Sam argued.

Dean sighed and rubbed a hand across his forehead, pinching his brow. 'You never know-'

But now, Dean does know. Sam had left and Dean no longer needed to be the punching bag in the middle of John and Sam's biggest fights, so he told John.

'It's Dean, now.' His voice had been so shaky and so quiet, beer bottle so close to his lips it's like he was whispering to his liquor instead of coming out to his father.

'What?' John asked, all gruff and already closer to drunk than Dean, having started earlier and being three more drinks in. 'Speak up.'

Dean cleared his throat and swallowed, moving the bottle only a few inches away from his mouth. 'My name. It's-'

"It's Dean."

"What?"

"I said, my name is Dean." He takes a deep breath, eyes still locked on the Colt in his hands. He scoffs, "You can't be fucking proud of me if you don't know my name. And Dad would never be proud of me for wasting a bullet, he'd be fucking furious." Dean looks up, then, making eye contact with John and raising the Colt. "You're not my dad."

"Xxxx, it's me."

Dean runs his tongue hard against his lower lip to keep from grinding his teeth. "I know my dad better than anyone." He shakes his head, cocking the gun. "And you ain't him."

"What the hell's gotten into you?" John seems astonished. Dean takes it as more proof that this is not John, because this is far from the first time Dean has ever leveled a gun at his father.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Dean takes a step back, not taking an eye off of John. “Stay back.” Out of the corner of his eye, Dean sees Sam return to the room.

“Dean? What the hell’s going on?” Sam doesn’t sound scared, just confused. After all, he’s seen this scene play out a hundred times.

“Your sister’s lost her mind,” John says, and damn if the demon isn’t good at making those words hurt even worse.

“He’s not Dad,” Dean says, quick on his words to cover up John’s voice, talking over Sam’s indignant, “What?” “I think he’s possessed. I think he’s been possessed since we rescued him.”

“Don’t listen to her, Sammy,” it says, the words cutting deeper still.

“Dean, how do you know?” And in this moment Dean couldn’t be more grateful to Sam, giving him a chance and still forcefully trying to correct what Sam believes might still be their dad.

“He’s-” Dean stumbles over the words that try to trap themselves behind his lips. “He’s different.”

John’s lip twitches, the start of a snarl as the demon inside shakes his head and looks to Sam. “You know what, we don’t have time for this. Sam, you wanna kill this demon, you gotta trust me.”

There’s silence, and Dean flicks his gaze to Sam’s face. He’s watching them both, thinking it through. The father he’s never liked, let alone trusted, or the brother he’s spent the past year hunting and fighting on the road with, the one who pulled him away from everything he loved. Dean returns his gaze to John, chewing on the inside of his lip.

“Sam,” the demon prompts, too close to a command rather than a request, even for John, and Sam’s mind is made up.

“No.” And it’s so quiet, Dean almost doesn’t hear him. “No,” Sam speaks again, just a little bit louder this time, and Dean tightens his grip on the Colt as Sam makes his way over and behind him, and if the look in John’s eyes could kill, they would’ve both been dead a long time ago.

“Fine. You’re both so sure, go ahead and kill me,” and there’s a bite to his voice, so much venom it could drown someone twice over. He flicks his gaze back and forth between Dean and Sam, Dean and the Colt, before he looks down, almost in submission, and Dean can’t bring himself to be sure enough to shoot.

He refuses to lower the gun, though.

“I thought so.” Then John’s looking up — and, oh, Dean has never felt so sick to his stomach about being right. There’s yellow eyes and a sickening sneer and all of a sudden there’s a force and Sam and Dean are flung back into a wall of the cabin. And the Colt- Dean loses grip of it on impact and it clatters to the floor. The demon walks over, slow as can be, and picks up the gun, turning it over in his hands. “What a pain this thing has been.”

“It’s you,” Sam struggles out, “isn’t it? We’ve been looking for you for a long time.”

A grin. “Well you found me.”

“I’m going to kill you!” Sam shouts, and he’s struggling, trying desperately to fight the invisible force keeping them pinned.

"Oh, I think not, but we’ll deal with that sentiment later,” and with a flick of the demon’s wrist, Sam’s out like a light. “You, on the other hand…” and he turns to face Dean. “We’ve got some talking to do.”

“Fuck you,” Dean spits, straining against the demon’s powers.

“Oh, Dean,” it tsks, and fuck, that somehow hurts worse coming out of John’s mouth than his deadname. “So much anger and vitriol. Y’know,” it places the gun down, and it’s so close Dean can almost- “he’s still alive in here, your dear old dad.” Dean’s blood turns to ice.

“Let him go.” Dean’s not proud of the whine in his voice, but he told Sam earlier and he meant it - love or hate or not, he will fight to protect his family. “You let him and Sam go!”

“I don’t think I will, actually. Not yet, at least. This is just getting even for you killing two of my own and trying so desperately to ruin everything for me. I think, instead, I’ll let John here have a taste of what it feels like to cut into his own son and watch him bleed.”

And for a second, a split second, Dean thinks he’s about to hurt Sam, because even though it’s the demon talking for sure now, Dean has never heard John call him his son. But then the pain starts, right in his chest, down to the skin beneath the bandages around his chest, and a scream erupts past Dean’s lips without his permission. There’s a pause in the pain, and Dean catches the demon’s yellow eyes.

“You know, it’s funny,” it says. Dean doesn’t answer, just spits blood at his feet, trying to catch his breath and ignore the pain and the slick blood sliding down his abdomen and soaking his shirt. “You fight and you fight for this family, but the truth is, they don’t need you. Not like you need them. That’s why Sammy left, and he was doing great on his own before you showed up. He was planning to propose, y’know?” The demon looks over to Sam, hanging unconscious from his pinned position on the wall. “He’s clearly John’s favorite, and it doesn’t even have to do with the whole-” it gestures to Dean’s body without looking- “thing. No, that’s not even the smallest part of why John favors Sam. Even when they fight, that’s more care John shows Sam than he shows you. Isn’t that right, Dean?”

And again, there’s a pain in his chest, but this time it’s more than physical. Dean grits his teeth, trying not to hang off of the demon’s words as it uses John’s voice to finally, finally see Dean as he is instead of as he was. This pain burrows itself so deep that when the physical pain comes again he can’t even bring himself to scream.

“Hm, disappointing,” it tsks again, and though the physical pain stops, ‘disappointing’ carves another wound across Dean’s heart. “Maybe I’ll switch to Sam, then. I’ll keep him alive, of course, but he’ll be more fun.”

“Don’t you dare,” Dean spits. The demon still isn’t looking at him, wandering over closer to Sam, examining his face. “Don’t touch him!” Dean shouts, and he pushes through every bit of pain coursing through his body and he’s up and the next thing he knows, he’s got the Colt in his hands aimed at the back of John’s head. “You touch him and I promise you it will be the last thing you ever do.”

It turns slowly on its heel, eyes locking on the Colt. “Really? You do remember that kills the meatsuit, too, right? Especially if you shoot it where you’re currently aiming it.”

“I know what I’m doing. Let Sam and my dad go or I’ll shoot.”

The demon grins and the yellow in its eyes flickers out briefly and for a moment, there’s really John. “Xxxx, do it, do it now!”

And before Dean can think, he pulls the trigger and the bullet hits dead center, right between his father’s eyes, and his body falls loudly to the ground.

#supernatural #supernatural fanfic #spn #dean winchester #trans dean #trans dean winchester #sam winchester #john winchester #tw transphobia #my fic #mine #my writing

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mlobsters · 4 months

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supernatural s14e3 the scar (w. robert berens)

all right, here's hoping i can get through this today. tail end (knock on wood) of a bad migraine but i can listen to things with headphones now and not feel horrendous so maybe?

lol just stab him with the archangel blade somewhere non-lethal, see what happens, there's an angel test for ya. still bothered that they apparently have no desire to truly confirm michael isn't playacting dean? whatever

DEAN It’s just every time I think about it, you know. It's like a nightmare. I mean I can’t eat, I can’t sleep - it’s always just there watching me. SAM Dean, it’s just a beard. I’ve been a little busy lately.

absolutely have seen gifs of this whole bit a bunch of times. why is sam's beard watching you while you sleep, the perennial question (has enough time even passed for them to try to sleep? :p)

DEAN So, I’m good. I’m just really, really, happy to be... home.

i watched until this scene when i started this episode a couple days ago and noped out. their home being taken over by all these people continues to give me the heebiejeebies. granted their home is massive and more like a work space than a home, so it's more like it's getting used like it was designed, but they've been so isolated forever basically this is just a lot. (also i'm a jealous asshole in some ways and i'm like oh dean's gotta share sam with all these people now? lol 😬)

why's bro always getting weird scar things on his person? the hand print, the mark, whatever the fresh hell this thing is

is it the spear of destiny lance of michael whatever business. doesn't seem nearly wide enough to account for his scar. wonder if this is another episode by that different editor (john fitzpatrick on imdb), reminiscent of those visions of jody dying in 13x09. ding ding ding, it is indeed the same editor. funny. last episode he did was 13x21

speaking of, hey jody! even though i just referenced the episode with her in it i forgot about the whole kaia / dark kaia thing -_-

JODY No, no. I have video surveillance going down at the fair, Claire practically sat shiva down there. There’s been nothing.

shiva reference #3 (7x10 and 8x16)

cas conveniently has to stay back to fix rando hexed girl, so dean and sam can have some arguments on the way to jody. after dean upset jack too of course by refusing to let him go with. which i think was the right call but, you know. do it less dickishly.

SAM C’mon man, this isn’t a joke! Something huge happened and you won’t really even talk about it. Look, this whole Michael thing: we need to deal with it. DEAN I’m going at 80 to deal with it. How can I be running from something when I’m RACING toward it?! SAM I know, kinda your thing. DEAN Ok. SAM I’m just saying. You said you let Michael in, then bang, you’re back in a blink. But for me, you were gone: for weeks. I didn’t know if you were alive. I just need you to talk to me. Slow down so I can catch up. DEAN Call Jody, let her know we’re almost there.

way to talk about your feelings, sam! way to be a jerk, dean. both being able to open up at the same place and time has never been their strong suit. honestly don't have the wherewithal to even ponder why dean's being like this

LOL very cute. like the little "see dean, people do like the beard!" from sam. also cute little exchange where dean rolls his eyes about sam knowing a serial killer fact and sam makes the wtf bro face

very special episode where jack realizes he can Be Useful in other ways than a rock 'em sock 'em hunter? helping with the hexed girl

DEAN We’ll make better time if we split up. SAM No, Dean we’ll be safer if we stick together. JODY If I get a vote, I’m in team stick together. DEAN Fine.

man i do not enjoy dick!dean :p he gets like this sometimes and i wanna smack him. use your words, asshole, instead of taking whatever out on everyone else

no one was expecting dark kaia! oh, how i do not care. sorry, girl.

LORA Is that your Dad? JACK One of them, yes.

can i say again i really appreciate how they make it textual that sam, dean and cas are all jack's fathers. it's just nice. doesn't have to mean anything outside of their relationship to him, regardless of their relationships with each other. as it should be

JACK Do you have parents? Or someone we can call? LORA My mom, but she probably hates me. JACK Why? LORA Because I left, I ran away. I hated school, I hated our crappy one star fleet town and I hated her rules. I was sick of being treated like a kid. I thought I could make it on my own but then I met her.

lol this show can be so literal when it wants to make a parallel to a victim of the week and a recurring character's situation. literally laughed out loud when she started "because i left"

i'm sure the giant necklace gifted by the evil witch is unrelated. i keep looking at her (false) lashes. they're pretty but a little unexpected in the locked up by a witch situation

SAM Or it could have been Michael. C’mon, three vamps in Sioux Falls and not a single civilian death. That’s not an accident. I think they were hunting her. DEAN Why? SAM I think because Michael sent them to finish what he started.

trying to remember what michael had to do with kaia and drawing a huge blank, clearly retained almost nothing of her storyline. imagine how bad i'd be at keeping track if i didn't write these posts.

back when i was watching game of thrones (as it aired so i'd get a week to process between episodes) i would always read recaps/reviews after the episode because they were so densely packed and i knew i missed stuff, but i dunno, i just don't want other people's takes muddling up my feelings about this show in particular. more personal investment or something in it (it's also a *lot* more straight forward, it's just got the overloaded plot/characters syndrome past the first handful of seasons)

did not manage to watch this in one sitting so we're day 2 but i think (knock on wood again), demon migraine was smushed into 2 days instead of 3 and is gone

'squatchin

way dean is acting reminds me of a little how he was acting, and how i expected him to be acting, directly after purgatory. bro is pissed and gonna make it everyone's problem

losing my mind, just take the necklace off the girl -_- as she writhes around with this giant bauble flopping around where she's actively mummifying

JODY They have a right to know but I can’t. I promised Claire human cases are mine, but anything "monstery" I’d loop her in: this. God. Claire’s been doing so good. I mean anything connected to Kaia, she’s a powder keg. First loves strikes quick, and then to lose it like that.

couldn't remember if that was a thing that we knew about or not lol seriously, brain.

JODY Well, you two are having a time of it. SAM Yeah, he’s working something out and he’s working it out alone. The only thing I know is he’s not ready for this case. JODY Maybe. Maybe he needs it.

maybe he needs it but also him haring off (practically) alone with not enough information rarely ends well. nonetheless, glad jody's here to support them. my favorite family dynamic on the show, and the one that i don't feel like i need the text convincing me of. it's just there

DEAN That pig sticker she’s hiding, it is the only thing that we know that hurts Michael. I’m gonna do whatever it takes.

literally just raised my hand. um hello, what about the archangel blade?? do we not have one anymore?

JACK Lora’s life force: it’s in here. CAS Jack, are you sure? JACK No... (he smashes the pendant and green smoke twirls its way in to Lora’s pendant and she comes to life.)

this is so goofy :p

SAM Wait a second: you’re a dreamwalker, too? Your powers, they connected you. DARK KAIA Our whole lives, what she saw, I saw. I know where it comes from your anger, your impatience: itvs fear. You’re scared and you’re weak. DEAN Alright, shut up! DARK KAIA Michael hurt you. He hurt me too.

i mean, everyone is doing a good job acting-wise but this is just. ridiculous. so is dean mad because he's feeling guilty about what michael did while using his body against his will? that probably should have been incredibly obvious, i'm just so not connecting with this story 🥴

SAM So Michael wants the spear because he knows it can hurt him? And that’s why his monsters are coming after you?

okie dokie

jody sure gets pretty serious injuries a lot? how about pop back to the bunker so cas can just fix it :p like the... broken leg? was it? hmm, guess it wasn't healed magically there either

from 11x12 JODY Oh, it had to be the leg. I'm gonna need bionics.

DEAN Jody. JODY Dean Winchester, you have nothing to apologize for. DEAN How is the arm? SAM You sure you don’t want a ride to the hospital or… JODY I’ve driven with a broken arm before. I’m more worried what I’m gonna tell Alex when I get there. And then once I get home… SAM Claire. JODY I’m dreading those consequences. She’s got to know, she’s got to know that Kaia’s killer is still out there. SAM You alright? JODY It’s just seeing her face again. Raising three hunters and fearing every day that I might lose one of them. I didn’t even really get a chance to know Kaia before she died - just feel like I already lost before I even ever began.

again, well acted but this is a stretch emotionally, for me

CAS Well, Jules is off. She’s taking Lora back home to her mother. Jack, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I know that you have been going through a lot lately:. We’ve all been going through a lot but it’s no excuse. I just haven’t been there for you: not the way I should of. JACK Cas, it’s okay. CAS Well, what you did today made me so proud. You know, learning to hold your own in a fight without your powers. That takes time and training, but today you proved that you have the mind of a hunter and the heart of a hunter. I was thinking, erm, I’ll talk to Sam and Dean, but maybe-- maybe we could go on a hunting trip -- I mean if you want to?

good sentiment but oh so cheesy -_-

JACK (coughing) Yes (coughing again) Sorry. CAS You ok? JACK I’m fine: I’m human now. Must be getting my first cold. CAS Well, I’ll make you some soup then.

LOL not ominous at all. i'm sure it's fine. not a plot relevant illness, just a garden variety cold!

DEAN I put us all in danger today, stupid danger. SAM Dean. DEAN You were right. I just didn’t want to look at it, what Michael used me for. I just wanted to race ahead. You know, skip to the end of the story the part where I get the weapon and I take out the bad guy. The part where I kill Michael. SAM Yeah, I know. DEAN You know I said yes to him because I thought: it was stupid. I was stupid. SAM Dean, you did what you had to do.

just following directive number one, keep sammy safe

DEAN And it wasn’t a blink. I got possessed: I made it sound like that but it wasn’t. I don’t remember most of what Michael did with me because I was under water. Drowning. And that I remember. I felt every second of it - clawing, fighting for air. I thought I could make it out but I couldn’t: I wasn’t strong enough. And now he’s gone: he’s out there putting an army of monsters together. He’s hurting people. That’s all on me, man. I said yes. It’s my fault.

i know i've talked about the moral calculus of it all, the number of people they saved vs the number they've gotten killed by their decisions, specifically to save each other (insert enraged noises that my blog is nigh on unsearchable so who the fuck knows when i actually talked about it). sam more directly gets a lot of credits i think from preventing the (first) apocalypse by jumping into the cage, puts them all in the black possibly indefinitely :p but how many people died because dean killed death to save sam and sam needed to save dean by removing the mark and letting out the darkness. from dean stopping sam from dying to finish the trials and closing the gates of hell.

not even sure what i'm arguing here. get over it, bucko? you've done worse? lol i don't know. round and round we go. we've been down this road too many times and i'm tired. yeah, he said yes. he thought he could make deal with michael that he'd uphold, and he didn't. and we're always gonna swim around in dean's neverending crushing guilt

jack's got the (magical??) consumption apparently

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 14x03 #robert berens #john fitzpatrick #spnwhinge

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