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eternal-armin · 2 years

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always forever. [ male ver ]

ASOT armin and you split up for a little while in a bookstore, when you're approached by someone who tries to chat you up. cw: one-sided [uncomfortable] flirting, death threats, sexual references, innuendos. [i did my best, i haven't written many jealousy prompts before this]

the bookstore smelled of parchment and ink marks. by now, what had once been a nostalgic scent had become incomprehensibly boring from smelling it so much. to be fair, this was, what, the sixth bookstore tonight? seventh? “if it isn’t here… i’ll be very upset. but it’s our last stop today,” armin promised. his eyes were glancing around, landing everywhere but on you for a moment. his hand was holding yours, tightly, fingers intertwined like they had been for hours. “i can’t believe this stupid town doesn’t have a simple book,” he muttered, animosity clear in his tone. “to be fair, it’s a pretty niche book. it didn’t have many editions.” your tired but reasoned voice earned a quiet sigh. “i’m still angry, poppet, whether i want to be or not. this is bullshit.” he kept his voice quiet so the bookkeeper wouldn’t hear him. you couldn’t help but giggle a little bit. his cheeks had become slightly tinted by red as the evening went on. you could never say it aloud, but it was somehow adorable. he walked through the aisles, and you followed faithfully behind him. bookshelves grew from the floor and up to the ceiling, stocked fully with books of all different sizes and colors. you glanced over all the titles, each word that captured your interest, until you found one that you simply had to look at. slowing down, armin glanced back at you, pulling the book carefully out of the cramped shelf. “i’ll catch up in a minute, love.” you gave him a gentle smile. even after months of dating, your sweet smile made him blush. he nodded, obviously trusting you on your own, and went off to continue searching the store for the book he was looking for. glancing over the book cover, the details in the design, and the lettering that stated the title and author, you were instantly entranced. it had a good weight, too. maybe 200 pages? you opened the book, greeted by another smell of new, clean, crisp pages. it was the first one you had opened this evening. the scent was greatly appreciated. delicate, semi-small type decorated the page. you began to read. the rhythm of the words drew you in. while armin continued to scrounge the shelves in the new age and demonology sections, you stayed in place, shifting your weight occasionally. a few pages in, you were interrupted. “oh, eartheater? that’s a pretty good book.” slightly startled from your concentration, you looked up, smiling at the boy who had approached you. it was not the same smile you had given armin. “i’ve never read it before, but yeah, it definitely does seem like one so far.” “i think you’ve picked out the best book in this shop, honestly. it’s beautiful. i would totally recommend reading the whole thing.” he returned your smile. “oh, cool. yeah, i’ll take your recommendation. thanks, man.” thinking this would be the end of it, you turned your attention back to the literature you held. but out of the corner of your eye, you saw him linger near you. looking at you. increasingly uncomfortable, you continued on and hoped that ignoring him would make him go away. but that did not work. his careful gaze on you, even for just one or two seconds, did not feel right. “i really like your fashion, by the way. you look really good. what’s your name?” too uncomfortable from the unwanted compliment to properly advocate for yourself, you laughed drily. “i’m [y/n].” hoping your tone of voice carried your abashment, but alas, it did not. or if it did, he clearly didn’t care. “[y/n]? that’s a perfect name. it’s adorable, just like you.” he was close enough to touch your shoulder and you felt like a statue next to him. okay, you thought, carefully shutting the book. you were about to make up an excuse to go and find armin, preferably as quick as possible, but you didn’t need to. book in his hands, armin had gone back to find you and leave the bookstore. “who. are you.” you had never been more relieved to hear his nasally voice, dripping with such anger that you could practically taste it. you didn’t want to see the glare armin was giving this stranger. “oh, hey. i was just getting to know

[y/n] here, nothing more.” even under the intensity of that glare of a thousand daggers, bucko over here sounded perfectly neutral, slightly smug as he always had. “really? forgive me if i don’t believe you, since you were just talking up my boyfriend. please just get away from him. you’re polluting his air with your putrid stench.” glancing at him, his sharp blue eyes were narrowed and unblinking, his face flushing just slightly with the weight of his annoyance. you found yourself blushing as well, but… for a different reason. it was a lesser detail, but his hands clutched the book so tight his knuckles were practically white. you knew him well enough to know it was so he wouldn’t punch the guy. “how was i supposed to know he was taken?” was the ever-humored response. he didn’t back away from you still. now you were the one trying hard not to punch or shove him to regain your personal space. “maybe align yourself with common decency and stay away from people who seem or sound uncomfortable, dickhead,” he began, his voice more of a hiss than anything. “now get away from my prince before i rip your head off and stick it so far up your ass it reattaches to your neck.” as much as the insult made you want to giggle, probably because you weren’t the one it was aimed at, it certainly did the trick. combined with the intense look in his eyes, it was no surprise that the guy took it to heart. although he seemed like he wanted to say something back- which you would honestly have loved to see- his fear outweighed his cockiness. he eventually turned and left. heaving a sigh of relief, your shoulders finally relaxed. “gods, i’m sorry about that, ‘min. did you- uhm, did you find the book?” your voice sounded more tired than you wanted it to. you didn’t bother to force some faux happiness. armin huffed. “i did find it. it isn’t your fault. so don’t apologize for his idiotic decisions. i’m gonna hug you.” he did just as he said he would, his surprisingly strong arms wrapping tightly around you. it was so comforting compared to the downright gross aura you had felt earlier. he snuggled into the crook of your neck, earning a giggle. armin couldn’t see it, but your cheeks flushed a rich red. he snorted, laughing quietly. “what? it tickled! you know i’m ticklish!” you whined to him. he continued to laugh at your adorable pouting tone. “it’s not my fault every touch makes you laugh,” he muttered. his hugs, for a self-described god of revenge and destruction, were, ironically, heavenly. especially when he held you so close. you rolled your eyes, resting one of your hands atop his. the other still held on to the leatherbound book, clinging to both it and you. “are you gonna hold me for the rest of the night?” it was not the first time he had done so. “i’m not complaining, i mean, that’s fine.” you added quickly. he grinned at the slight shyness in your voice. “of course i am. if i don’t, the next person who so much as looks at you will be my next sacrifice. i need to get rid of his touch anyway.” armin’s response was followed by a few kisses to your neck which one would be remiss to call chaste. without fail you still giggled at the feeling. “once again, i’m not complaining.” you turned to press a kiss to the top of his head, and into your skin, armin mumbled something you didn’t catch. “but maybe we should head home before we get filmed for a library porno,” you added in a whisper. “why would we? that sounds like the dream. i would love that.” you stifled your laughter. “so that people would see clearly ‘who i belong to?’” “i can feel you moving your arms. don’t put it into quotation marks. it’s true. you’re mine, my prince. no one else’s. i get more pissed when people disrespect that, so why not channel that into you.” armin’s words were slightly sharp against your skin, and utterly stern, but it didn’t feel bad at all. “you’re really cute when you’re jealous, armin.” “i’ll reward you with a kiss for every minute you go without saying that again.”

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cerises-amoureuses · 3 years

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Firstly, what we need to realise is that Harry was incredibly attracted to Ginny throughout HBP, to the stage where seeing Ginny kiss another boy drove him up the wall. He spent a better part of the year wrestling with his emotions, which is something he didn’t go through with Cho Chang. Of course, this could be because Ginny, being Ron’s little sister, posed an interesting dilemma, but also because Harry’s feelings extended beyond a simple crush. The easiest way to deduct this is to go back to Harry’s infamous first kiss: he did not enjoy it, nor did he express any sort of desire to do it again. But in Ginny’s case, he had barely worked out his feelings for her when he started envisioning himself kissing her. Harry only ever thought Cho was nice-looking, but he experienced a very typical, boyish sort of lust and want when it came to Ginny.

“She began popping up in his dreams in ways that made his devoutly thankful Ron could not perform legilimency.” – Harry, HBP.

It does not take a genius to figure out exactly what he and Ginny were doing in Harry’s dreams. This inneuendo is remarkably suggestive; Harry had begun having sexual, inappropriate dreams about his best friend’s little sister that made him feel guilty and embarrassed. Moreover, note the instances when Ginny and Harry came in contact; they were often punctuated with Harry either feeling a “swooping sensation” or getting so tense that goosebumps erupted on the back of his neck. There is no evidence of Harry ever feeling jumpy by a girl’s slight touch before, which begs the question why it flustered him so physically in the first place. All evidences point to the thick sexual tension that Harry was feeling between himself and Ginny.

Simply put, Harry’s attraction to Ginny had permeated the boundaries of innocent crushes and gone straight to lustful thoughts and wild dreams.

“… He had received a lot more Bludger injuries during practice because he had not been keeping his eyes on the Snitch .. “ - Harry, HBP.

There is little room for argument for one trying to say that Harry was admiring Ginny in all innocence from a broomstick suspended in midair. This is another not-so subtle allusion to Harry’s burgeoning sexual attraction. Being a sixteen-year old boy, it is fairly plausible that Harry was being highly inappropriate, possibly undressing Ginny with his eyes, and he needed the force of a Bludger to snap him out of it. It is ridiculous to insinuate that Harry wasn’t looking a little intently than he ought to at Ginny; how else could he have ignored a Bludger speeding at him?

Quite apart from the fact that Harry described his impromptu mid-common room snog with Ginny in a remarkably heavenly fashion, he also explicitly went on to say that if they had time, they would talk about the Quidditch match. This does not specifically point to anything too scandalous, but it does make very clear that Harry intended on taking Ginny to a deserted area for more kissing. This seems a terribly bold step for two people who haven’t even started dating yet. It speaks a lot about their relationship that they started things off with a good, (presumably) lengthy snog, and jumped headlong into the opportunity to snog some more. It insinuates that the two were already very comfortable with each other, and already moving very fast in their relationship.

If that didn’t scream CLUE!!! enough, the next sure indicator was Harry’s feelings while they were dating. His narration was light, airy and genuinely happy – a dramatic change from the teenage angst that readers had been dealing with since GOF. It might be in my imagination, but I have always thought Harry in that period to be all kinds of insufferable, walking around with a goofy grin on his face and not paying much attention to anything – that lovestruck behaviour is largely hinted at in the books,after all. Hadn’t Professor Slughorn attributed Harry’s detoriating Potions grade to “lovesickness”? This obviously meant that Harry had been displaying visible symptoms of the same, which prompted that line of reasoning. What else could make the Boy-Who-Finally-Got-A-Girlfriend “happily impervious to gossip”?

On a particularly striking instance, Harry states that he was reliving a happy moment spent with Ginny in the grounds – if it was “happy” enough for Harry to dwell on it later, what could they have been doing, one wonders? (Cough, cough). Harry expressed explicit frustration that he could no longer spend time with Ginny, and there a very choice things that would, per say, “frustrate” a sixteen-year old boy.

Perhaps it isn’t overly obvious on skimming HBP, but if one analyses Harry’s narration, as I have, it becomes laughably clear that Harry and Ginny were almost definitely being adventurous. Ginny, for her part, is described as fiery and passionate – nothing in her character suggests restraint or holding back. A war, of which Harry was a main part, was going on in full-swing outside the cosy walls of the castle. It is additionally suggestive that JK Rowling also wrote in a specific conversation where it was revealed to Harry that people often elope during times of war. Ginny herself had commented playfully on it. If taking that step as such a young age wasn’t exactly responsible, the could hardly be blamed for it.

Another compelling argument is the fact that Harry, in particular, was, for want of a better word, especially well-equipped. For goodness’ sakes, the boy owned a legitimate Invisibilty Cloak, the Marauder’s Map and was an active user of the Room of Requirement. While Harry made use of these magical items for relatively noble and innocent purposes – in a non-Voldemort dangered world, what else would students want to make themselves invisible for? Ginny, in particular, doesn’t seem the type to ignore the dual potential of items like the map and Cloak.

Lastly, the dealbreaker was the stiflingly unbearable encounters between Harry and Ginny in DH. If there was slight sexual tension in the air between them in HBP, this was magnified about a hundred times in DH. Not many people choose to dwell on this, but I invite you think for a moment – imagine being boyfriend and girlfriend scarcely two months ago, and having a blissful, perfect relationship. Now, imagine being forced to live under the same roof – two teenagers – when they were so unwillingly forced to break up. They had barely spent a month dating, only to be brutally separated, and then made to live together again? Forget Crucio, there’s nothing more torturous than that.

Every time Harry made eye-contact her, he starts to recall moments spent with Ginny in secluded parts of the grounds, which is possibly the least subtle reference in the entire franchise. Again, he experiences acute, agonising frustration, to the point where he is actively trying not to brush against her while they eat dinner – it sounds almost as if he doesn’t trust himself. Another extremely suggestive moment is when Aunt Muriel makes a comment on the scandalous, revealing quality of Ginny’s bridesmaid dress, and the latter turns around and winks at Harry.

No explanation needed.

Need I dwell on Harry’s absolutely endearing jealousy while Ginny danced with other boys at the wedding? He, quite literally, leans against a pillar, folds his arms, (presumably with a glare on his face) and stares fixedly at Ginny.

One confusing instance, however, was Ginny’s – ahem – birthday present to Harry, in which he says, “And then she was kissing him like she had never kissed him before ...” This could somewhat serve as proof that they never progressed farther than snogging, but this greatly contradicts that aforementioned alusions to the same. It also seems a little naive to assume that they were exceedingly good little children while they disappeared for hours to secluded corners and fondly dwell on those instances to the point of distraction afterwards. No, it is my belief that it had been so long since Harry kissed her that he was automatically prone to over-exaggerating their sudden reprisal.

As I come to my conclusion, a few worthy mentions – Harry’s thoughts just before Voldemort struck him in the Forbidden Forest in DH: “And Harry thought inexplicably of Ginny, and her blazing look, and the feel of her lips on his –“ Alas, he never completed his train of thinking, but it does leave considerable food for thought.

Therefore, one can comfortably assume that in at least one area of his life, Harry acted like any normal boy his age. He had strong, passionate feelings for Ginny, and she unquestionably felt the same about him (“I never gave up on you. Not really. I always hoped …”), and those kind of things are recipes for teenage intimacy. However, anyone clinging to childhood beliefs can also safely predict that they waited. We may never know, but the evident has always been there, just as JK Rowling intended.

What are you thinking? 🤔

#hinny #Harry #Ginny #Harry potter #Ginny weasley

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curioussubjects · 4 years

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come be a season 12 truther with me; or what if dean and cas got together offscreen

Originally, I wrote this post to celebrate “Galaxy Brain” airing as Berens & Glynn gave us “The Future.” It’s been a while since that episode aired, and some things have changed about this meta. As such, there are multiple versions of this post floating around, so make sure to go back to the source for the most up to date version. For all intents and purposes, this post functions as a meta manifesto not unlike shipping manifestos from days of LJ past. In keeping with that tradition, this post is a close reading of Dabb Era Destiel in which I argue that by using narrative gaps, queer coding, and romance tropes, Dean and Cas are shown to be in an established relationship. Although beyond the scope of this post, it’s worth pointing out that keeping Destiel mostly off screen was a way for the creatives to bypass network censorship while still remaining true to the characters.

This post is divided into three sections. Section I focuses on giving an overview of why earlier seasons of Supernatural aren’t as compelling as season 12 as a turning point for Dean and Cas’s relationship. That said, special consideration is given to 09.06 “Heaven Can’t Wait” as a potential rest stop in our journey due to it’s significantly placed narrative gap as well as themes in the episode. However, this post isn’t going to examine season 9 trutherism in depth, though it does coexist with and allow for it. Section II analyses season 12 and proposes a timeline and justification for the shifting Destiel dynamic. Finally, Section III will offer an analysis of how Dean and Cas’s relationship has changed dramatically from previous seasons in a way that is most like the shift from a “will they or won’t they” pairing to an established one.

Before I move to Section I, I’d like to note something this post takes for granted: Dean and Cas are the main romantic subplot of Supernatural, and, in fact, their relationship is elevated to main plot for both characters in season 15. This post won’t argue about the canonicity of Dean and Cas’s feelings for each other, therefore, and so won’t spend time looking at many Destiel defining moments. I’d also like to make clear that this post also takes for granted that Destiel is being intentionally developed by the writers starting with Carver’s Era, and more so in Dabb’s.

I. Why Seasons 4 through 11 May Not be It

The tl;dr. here is that while there are many moments throughout these seasons that Dean and Cas could potentially get together, none of those moments are ideal for a bunch of reasons that can be summed up as really bad timing. I also think the narrative is actively pushing them towards a moment that works. We get plenty of stepping stones, especially once we hit seasons 8 through 11 (and 11 most of all).

Seasons 4 & 5:

I know there’s been a lot of get together fics over the years set in this time period, but I just don’t see it. Do I see them being intrigued and drawn to each other? Yes. Do I think either Cas or Dean would act on it? Nope. I’m not arguing anything re: Dean’s feelings, but with everything going at the time I find it hard to believe he’d pursue anything with his angel friend. Most importantly here, though, is that during this time Cas was still very alien and other. There was too much angel in him, and while he obviously came to care about Dean (and Sam) very much, I just can’t see him navigating the realm of human relationships. That said, seeing human!Cas in “The End” is the first we see of potential developments for how Cas could behave without his angelness interfering. Being human changes Cas a lot, beyond even his experience existing among humans, though that of course matters too. This development will be important later /wink.

Seasons 6 & 7:

Before anything else let me just recognize that if we could see some sexual tension in seasons 4 & 5, these two seasons come with our first taste of romantic tension. The pining! Also note the difference between season 4 Cas and season 6 Cas in terms of behaviour. He is much less the angel we saw in that barn in “Lazarus Rising.” In season 6, we have a Cas making misguided decisions guided entirely by his emotions – namely, not wanting to involve Dean with the war in heaven – which is peak human, honestly. Put a pin on how sad Dean is in both seasons with Cas’s absence. Finally, put a pin on this being our first moment of Cas doing things on his own to spare Dean and it not ending well (soulless!Sam, Cas “dying” after Leviathan) because this is *the* hurdle in their relationship (along with Dean’s lashing out and self-worth issues). With all this said, the marked distance between Dean and Cas in these seasons negates the possibility of them entering into any kind of relationship. Much like seasons 4 and 5, there’s too much going on.

Season 8:

Ah, yes, the summer of purgatory. If you thought we had pining before…! I think we’re all very clear on season 8 being a turning point for the show, not only because new showrunner, but we also get the bunker. TFW now has an HQ, which pretty soon becomes home. Yes, Baby will always be home, but the bunker becomes the *unmovable* safe haven that Baby couldn’t be. The bunker is a place to coalesce, and for all the amazing things Baby is, she is not that. The acquisition of the bunker marks a shift in the psychology of the show: with the stable home space we can start to imagine domesticity, a place to come home to, the stuff of ordinary living. Most of all, the bunker is emblematic of security, of safety –keep this in mind, as we go forward.

This season also continues to see Cas go down the path of independently solving his problems instead of asking for help from Sam and Dean (his family in a way heaven never was) – note that the better together issue is at play in different ways with Sam and Dean also, but I digress. I also want to point out disastrous instance #2 of Cas’s insistence on figuring it out on his own: he loses his grace, and the angels fall. As for Dean, season 8’s focus for him has much to do with Sam, and them coming face to face with their issues with codependency, which hit catastrophic levels with the gates of hell and Gadreel plots.

So despite all the deliciously angsty get together purgatory fics and spec, there’s too much distance between Dean and Cas on Cas’s part due to his guilt over betraying the Winchesters in s6 plus slaughtering angels plus unleashing Leviathan. We do see Dean being more emotionally open with Cas and continue to voicing his wish that Cas would just stay with him and Sam, and let them help. It’s clear as day how much Dean cares. The timing is still bad, though.

Before moving on to next season, let’s take a moment to appreciate that this is the season Dean admits being kinda done with one night stands because “always with the adios.” Remember the bunker as a sign of stability? Yeah. I wouldn’t say Dean is craving a relationship, exactly, but I think we can see that he does want something more (ahem also I’m nodding to Cas refusing to stay put just cause).

Seasons 9 & 10:

The most important thing to happen between this two seasons is Cas’s stint as a human for an extended period of time. There’s been plenty of spec and meta written over the years about the effects of being human on Cas’s grace (a proto-soul now maybe?). What we can say for sure, regardless, is that Cas is much more humanized once he becomes an angel again. The understanding he gets from being human doesn’t go away once he regains his angel powers. You’ll notice that while we still see some of season 4’s characterization, Cas is not the same as he was – he is alien to angels now and is more intelligible to humans. Additionally, in an interesting reversal from previous seasons, we now get to see the depth of Cas’s feelings for Dean (thanks, Metatron) as well as seeing him be more open emotionally, while Dean does most of the pushing away (first because of Gadreel, then because of the Mark of Cain). In short, the timing is still bad as Dean and Cas are largely kept apart both physically and emotionally.

9.06 Heaven Can’t Wait

This episode is my white whale, friends. While I’ve come to fully subscribe to the idea that something did happen between Dean and Cas during the fanfic gap, I don’t actually think it’s feasible that it marked the start of a relationship -- be it sexual or romantic. My reasoning here is quite simple: the timing is bad. Were it not for external events (Cas regaining his Grace and Dean taking on the MoC), the course would have likely differed. Furthermore, Dean’s guilt over making Cas leave the bunker as well as Cas’s own hurt and self-loathing pose a significant and as yet insurmountable obstacle, which is easily seen with how Dean and Cas’s character trajectories go separate ways.

YMMV on what exactly happened between them in that Motel, but something definitely did. Perhaps one day I’ll have a proper s9 trutherism post to link to here for more details (likely won’t be written by me, though).

10.16 Paint It Black

From the point Dean gets the MoC until the end of season 10, anything between him and Cas is quite impossible due to distancing, to say the least. Again, yes, the fic is really good, but alas. One of the reasons I’m bringing up this episode in particular is because of the confession scene. One, it’s a rare bit of explicit emotional honesty from Dean, and two, it tells me that while he and Cas may be well aware of the Thing™ between them, it’s still uncharted waters. It’s scary, and murky, and they’re unsure how to navigated it or if they should even try. Makes sense, too, there’s been A LOT going on since s6. Anyway, he’s the full confession:

You know, the life I live, the work I do…I pretty much just figured that that was all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later, I’d go out the same way that I live – pedal to the metal, and that would be it. […] Now, um… recent events, uh… make me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And…I don’t know. I mean, you know, there’s – there’s things, there’s…people, feelings that I-I-I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time. […] Yeah, I’m just starting to think that… maybe there’s more to it all than I thought.

Can I just say, first, that this confession keeps me up at night because we never actually see anything done with it explicitly? I mean, obviously, I think we do in fact see the effects of this confession in the show, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this behemoth, but still, like. Damn. Ok, so, remember when I brought up that thing in season 7 about Dean being kinda done with hook-ups? Here’s where that led us. We’re seeing a Dean here who wants more than what he has convinced himself he gets to have. He wants more than dying bloody. And when he talks about wanting to experience people and feelings differently, well, that says a lot not just on the queer coding front or the romantic front. I mean, jfc, Dean is accepting the idea that he can have more in life than just hunt until he drops, and he’s specifically talking about experiences at the interpersonal level.

Do you ever see a character having an epiphany and find yourself wanting to cry because this is it right here. Dean is just blatantly admitting he wants more and maybe he can make himself be open to that (!!!), which all culminates in season 11, so…

Season 11:

The pining is still here, but it’s worse now since it’s the whole plot? It’s been *checks calendar* 5 years of this. How are any of us still kicking I don’t know. Your slow burns could never. Cool worth noting points: Cas says yes to Lucifer (bad decision #2.5, lots of mitigating effects_I don’t actually hold it against him that much but Dean is another story & not entirely rational at this point); for the first time since the early days, Dean and Cas are on equal grounds: they’ve both fucked up a lot and have hurt each other. The issues this season are outside their dynamic. Amara and Lucifer here serve as externalizing forces for Dean and Cas’s problems: Cas checks out with Lucifer because he thinks it’s the only way he can help, Dean is caught up in the turmoil of Amara, the emblem of absence and avoidance of struggle. We do get something like an affirmation from the two of them to each other via Dean calling Cas his brother (and I want y’all to consider the historical queering of that statement, and Cas’s “I could go with you.” It feels like we’re headed to them being on the same page. By the end of the season, though, it feels like we’re getting a clean slate: Mary is back, nobody died, no end-of-the-world in sight, no interpersonal crisis. We’re also getting a new showrunner, so. No wonder. We’re gearing up for something, but I’m getting ahead of myself. What this season does that is super important is that it sets up the stage for the possibility of an actual relationship between Dean and Cas, something that has, up until this point, been pretty much impossible.

11.04 Baby

Y’all know what I’m about to quote here, right? That conversation between Dean and Sam about having something with someone who understands the life. Here we still have Dean reverting to the idea that it’s impossible, which is a direct contrast to the openness in 10.16. It’s understandable, though, considering there’s been little reason to think anything like that would be possible (see all the mess and poor timing from seasons past). The quote in question, though, marks a continuing development regarding the issues Dean is struggling with this season:

DEAN: Piper? That’s awesome. Heather. One-night wonders, man. Shoot, we’re lucky we still get that at all. SAM: Really? You don’t … Ever want something more? DEAN: I’m sorry, have you met us? We’re batting a whopping zero in domestic life, man. Goose eggs. SAM: You don’t ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But … Something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?

We wouldn’t be talking about this stuff all these years after Sam and Dean had a serious relationship if it wasn’t important, right? Also who else do we meet this season? That’s right! Eileen! And doesn’t that hit different with season 15 hindsight? And who does Dean have that understands the life? Whose stories have been intricately connected to his? Right now, this is all conjecture. A pipe dream Sam is revisiting, and Dean is skeptical about. Except, well. Look at what we get in “Into the Mystic” and “The Chitters.”

11.11 Into The Mystic

I’m bringing up this episode as a cross reference to “Paint It Black” as well as to complement the talk from “Baby,” and to show, again, that, for all the closeness between Dean and Cas, there’s still a marked distance they haven’t yet bridged. There’s still truths they haven’t told each other. Thanks Mildred for the delicious exposition:

Darlin’…If there’s one thing I’ve learned in all my years on the road, it’s when somebody’s pining for somebody else. […] Oh, don’t try and hide it now. Follow your heart. Remember?

11.19 The Chitters

And here we see some validation to Sam’s imagining of a possible future with someone else. We actually see hunters who not only are married, but they both make it out alive. Jesse and Cesar get their happy ending. They make the dream come true. And the reality of it important not just for Dean to see, but Sam too.

Dean: [with realization] Oh, so … [points back and forth to Jesse and Cesar] Cesar: Yeah. Dean: Okay, that’s… Cesar puts his beer bottle on the table and looks at Dean, while Jesse is being silent. Dean: What’s it like, settling down with a hunter? Cesar: Smelly, dirty. [turns to Jesse] Twice the worrying about getting ganked.

I’d like to point out, too, that the fear of getting ganked is thematic when it comes to the tension between Dean and Cas. More on this when we hit s13.

Alright, now, having said that, let’s take a look at season 12. Bear in mind, this is the official start of Dabb’s era, even if he kinda began taking over in season 11, and the change in vibes is obvious. In fact, 12 jumped out at me as a turning point, in hindsight, after getting smacked by the domesticity of seasons 13 and 14.

II. Why Season 12

[Out of date section. Update coming soon when spoons. After significant debate, I’ve altered the definitive start of Dean and Cas’s friend-with-benefits-with-mutual-pining relationship to between 12.02 and 12.03. I briefly explained why here, and yes it’s a shitpost--still true tho.]

Finally, the promise land, y’all. Getting right to it: what s11 was for Dean in terms of setting up the relationship stage, s12 was for Cas. In its initial beats, any way. That is, until the Kelly debacle, this was the longest Cas has been around the bunker and with the exception of seasons 13 and 14, it’s one of the first times we get to see how Cas might actually fit into the bunker-as-home. Things seem remarkably chill. Of course, we’ll notice that there’s still a lot of baggage hanging around because despite Dean and Cas being in a more stable place, they haven’t actually dealt with their interpersonal problems. I didn’t single out directly this episode, but do keep in mind Cas’s declaration in 12.09 First Blood as far as how much the Winchesters matter to Cas & how we also see Dean and Cas be particularly singled out with them seating together in the backseat of the Impala. What we also see this season is Cas trying to prove he is worthy of this family, his family. He’s not fighting for heaven or to right some grievous wrong (a la s8). No, this season he’s fighting to spare the Winchester, to bring them a win. To bring Dean a win. The major disconnect is that Dean (and Sam & Mary) already sees Cas that way, he doesn’t think Cas has anything to prove. And just maybe, Cas starts believing that too – or, at least, believing it enough.

12.10 Lily Sunders Has Some Regrets

This episode, oh my god, the goodness. In the wake of 12.09 we have Dean and Cas in a tiff because Cas mistake #3 (killing Billie and “cosmic consequences”), this is a pattern. Twice the worry of getting ganked, etc etc. But where this episode really shines is through the contrast between Ishim’s obsession with Lily and Cas & Dean’s mutual affection for each other. Ishim sees no difference here and, to him, Cas’s feelings for Dean are a human weakness. Returning to my point about human!Cas, this episode underscores that Cas’s increasing humanity is what puts him in the place where he can want what Dean wants instead of either being too alien to get it (see s4 & 5) or unable to experience it properly (Ishim).

12.12 Stuck in the Middle (With You)

Cas’s trajectory culminates here with the whole I love you (@ Dean), I love all of you (@ Winchesters). Let’s note too that Cas is dying here, in a way that is much more human than going up in light. This declaration of different types of love is entirely human. It’s also a definitive step wrt to Cas and Dean’s relationship because of what happens in 12.19. This. is. it. Oh, and, of course, let’s not forget to point to Dean’s face when Cas says that “I love you,” and how terrified he is that Cas is dying. Might make one rethink some things, hm?

12.19 The Future

This episode is simply hella suspicious, and all the kudos to Berens and Glynn for writing it. It’ll haunt me forever. Consider watching it again and just questioning everything. So. Weird things:

1. Dean’s reaction to Cas no getting in touch as opposed to Sam’s. Dean is pissed, which is Dean-speak for worried out of his mind. Sam is very worried, too, and puzzled, but he’s mostly expressing his relief that Cas is back. But Cas has gone awol before, but this time Dean is much more worked up about it; Sam takes note of this, too. Now, let’s imagine that maybe the events of 12.12 led to something happening between Dean and Cas. Then Cas decided to leave to find a lead on Kelly, but eventually Cas decides to work with Heaven and goes radio silent. For days. Having taken a chance, and something having happened between them, how would Dean react to Cas just going poof and not contacting him – despite Dean having called Cas multiple times.

2. Cas knows about the Colt. Ok, nothing off there. But when he goes to Dean’s room to talk, right after Dean leaves we see Cas looking around briefly. Like he know Dean would keep it in there. Maybe Cas had looked other places already. Who knows. What we do know is that eventually he does find the Colt not only in Dean’s room, but under Dean’s pillow. Sam didn’t even know the Colt wasn’t in the safe. So how did Cas know?

3.“He came into my room and he played me.” So, this quote right there, makes it seem like some seduction for personal gain, right? But can you see Cas actually doing that if they hadn’t gone there previously? For Dean not to suspect anything and go with it? There’s plenty of plausible deniability here, but the gaps in time in the narrative make me question what is there in those spaces. The scene where Cas tried to give Dean the mixtape back doesn’t read like “playing,” so it’s about a different interaction. Hm. Hmmm.

4. Dean and Cas’s brief conversation in Dean’s room is clearly Dean just wanting Cas to stay, so they can work (and be) together – because they’re better that way. Which, yeah, truth, but also ow.

5.And most importantly: When did Dean give Cas that mixtape??? How did that happen?

Sequence of events: Cas tells Dean he loves him – Dean is clearly shook by it – Dean gives Cas a mixtape (romantic gesture, often a declaration of feelings; in true Dean speak too lolsobs) – Cas goes awol - Dean acts like he got ghosted by his new bf -?????- Cas somehow knows the Colt is under Dean’s pillow – "He went into my room and he played me."

What am I supposed to do with that, hm? Like. Y’all realize they probably had some emotionally constipated getting together moment, right? Something that Dean clearly initially thought meant things were gonna change, now. Something that Cas couldn’t allow to happen until he could give Dean a win. Y’all are seeing this, yeah? I’m not saying they slept together and were full of feelings, except that’s kind of what I’m saying. But YMMV, there are other possibilities beyond sex. The full of feelings isn’t up for debate, though, even if the whole thing is informed by ridiculous amounts of miscommunication.

III. Seasons 13 through 15 As Established Relationship

Regardless of what happened in season 12, exactly, I can’t shake the feeling that something did happen, and something did change. My reasoning here is actually really simple: in comparison to previous seasons, Dean and Cas’s dynamic shifts significantly come season 13. I know some folks have been disappointed with some of season 13 and then season 14 for having dialed back on the destiel side of things. And, hey, maybe there’s truth to that in terms of backstage stuff, but I also want to point out that...well, the dialing back isn’t quite dialing back is it? Let’s look at 13 a little more closely:

Season 13:

So I said the deancas dynamic changed, right? I also think that change caught us unaware because the pivotal turning point that would cue us in never happened on screen as well as being subsumed by Cas’s death and Jack’s birth. But if I ask you about deancas in season 13 what would come to mind? Grief arc? Brokebacknatural? How domestic Dean and Cas are? There’s just something easy about their relationship after Cas returns from the Empty. The tension we’d grown so familiar with over the years is gone. Actually, it feels like we skipped the getting together bit of their relationship and went straight to established relationship and parenting. Some of the most peak married deancas moments we see circulating? Season 13, (and 12.10). It’s a lot, and it’s different, and it’s amazing.

13.01-13.05

Dean’s grief mini-arc. He was acting like a widower. Here’s me vaguely gesturing towards the mapping of Jonh, Mary, Dean, and Sam onto Dean, Cas, Sam, and Jack. And the reunion? I can’t help but be giddy at the song choice: “it’s never too late to start all over again.” To. Start. All. Over. Again. I’m just saying.

13.06 Tombstone & 13.16 Scoobynatural

I’m not going at length about these episodes, I just want to point out that they reveal that Dean and Cas have a whole thing going on off screen: they watch movies together, Cas knows about Dean being an angry sleeper, Cas seems to have been aware of the Dean-cave before Sam was. It’s little things like this that are examples of the narrative gaps surrounding Dean and Cas that have cropped up over the years. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to wonder what else could be hiding there. And when did the movie nights alluded in “Tombstone” happen? Maybe in season 12 when Cas in hanging around the bunker? The same period when Dean and Cas seem to be coalescing into something safer and more stable? Something that we never see come to a head because plot happens and Cas dies? Something that is immediately taken back up once Cas is alive again?

Season 14:

Overall, this season is more of what we got during 13, but it had two high notes I wanted to single out before ending this already too long post.

14.15 Peace of Mind

Look me in the eye and tell me Dean and Cas talking in the kitchen about Jack doesn’t read like husbands talking about their child. Look me in the eye and tell me Cas just texting Dean to gossip about Sam isn’t couple-y as hell.

14.18-14.20

Ah, yes, the divorce arc. Awful. Terrible. The culmination of Dean’s problem in all this: he lashes out, he pushes Cas away, his anger is alienating. Cue all of us suffering. But while Dean is clearly in the wrong in how the deals with his feelings, let’s not pretend some of his anger doesn’t come from a long established, and unaddressed, rift between him and Cas, which had its last traumatic turn when Cas died in s12. Dean isn’t being rational here: he saw Cas doing something on his own, and he saw that his mother is dead. What else could happen? Why won’t Cas just trust they can work as a team? What if Cas died again? And why should Cas put up with Dean’s behavior without knowing the cause? How can any relationship work this way? But notice how caught in the middle Sam was during all this. Notice how Jack is running off and acting out. The whole family is falling apart. Divorce arc, indeed.

Season 15:

But what about what we’re building up in 15? That seems like it could be a getting together plot, too, right? Well, yeah. It could very well be. But I’d argue the tension we’re seeing isn’t a will-they-or-won’t-they because they already have. We’re are watching a getting back together plot! The tension is, instead, will-they-or -won’t-they use their words to talk about the baggage that has kept them from truly being confident about their relationship. That’s the crucial step in their togetherness that they’re still missing, which is also the bedrock of the divorce arc that spanned twelve fucking episodes -- y’all, that’s half a season.

And technically? We’re not even done with yet because Cas never let Dean finish his prayer/confession in purgatory. What’s more, Cas hasn’t grappled with his role in the breakdown of their relationship, either: that he keeps going off on his own and getting hurt (and getting other people hurt), and Dean has to deal with the fallout. The deep emotional understanding, the truly being on the same page is what we’re on the edge of our seats for. We’re waiting to see what else Dean had to say, and what will happen when Cas’s deal with the Empty comes to light.

Finally, could we still have this plot without Dean and Cas having gotten together off screen? Sure, but I think the stakes are higher if they already did have something between them. If they actually have an established romantic relationship going on. Something real and tangible and as of yet much too fragile.

"...you asked what about all this is real. We are."

#destiel #deancas #supernatural #spn #spn meta #this thing is gargantuan yikes #anyway enjoy? let's chat #my writing #this thing is half meta half my adhd unleashed

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gracereadstoomanybooks · 3 years

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answering questions I’ve been asked on TikTok✨

QUESTION: how did you get into reading?

So, when I was in middle school (many moons ago) we had this thing called AR Testing. Basically, you read a book and take a test on it—the questions were things that happened in the book, it was really simple. If you got a good grade, you got points. The more points you earned, the more eligible you were for the reading party at the end of each semester. Me, being the nerd I am, got top of my class because I went through 8th grade level books like it was nothing. The librarian at my school brought me books from the high school to read since everything was easy for me, and alas, my addiction began. And now that I have adult money, it’s a true addiction. Also, telling my father “I’m bored” and his response being, “go read a book or something” so thanks dad.

QUESTION: what’s one book you ALWAYS recommend to people?

This one is tough because I’ve read THOUSANDS of books, but if I had to choose one, it would probably be Confess by Colleen Hoover. I fell in love with her work in high school when I first read Ugly Love, but Confess is the type of book that pulls at your heart strings, y’all. It has everything people love: humor, sexual tension, drama, love. GO BUY THE DAMN BOOK. Or honestly any book by Colleen Hoover—she’s a fucking amazing author.

QUESTION: outside of making TikToks, what do you do for a living?

I currently work at a restaurant and hate every second of it. If anyone tells you to become a server, DONT. It’s not worth the hassle, I promise you. Sure, you can make decent money but the amount of rude customers and shitty tips you receive each shift is very disheartening. If you really need a job, do anything BUT work in the food industry.

QUESTION: what’s your wattpad story about?

First question: which one? I have about 30 drafts sitting there waiting to be posted. But, I’m going to assume you’re talking about the Harry Styles fan fiction I’ve been working on for the past 4 years and haven’t had the courage to post. I’ll tell you a little about it: Elaine Aldridge is forced into a betrothal to a man she’s never met & loathes. She goes to his court and realizes things aren’t what they truly seem. And the guard her future husband sticks on her??? None other than Mr. Harry Styles. Add in some magic & deaths and you’ve got my story— The First Prince. (Honestly, that’s an extremely shitty description so if you wanna check it out go to my wattpad account)

QUESTION: how old are you?

Ahem. . . twenty-one.

QUESTION: what is your dream career?

Being a published author and having people rave about my books. That’s all. Or, an editor for a publishing company. Imagine reading all day and being paid for it🤩

QUESTION: what was your least favorite read of 2020?

I already KNOW I’m gonna get shit for this but....... the wicked king. YALL I LITERALLY COULDNT GET THROUGH IT IM SO SORRY, I STILL HAVENT FINISHED IT

QUESTION: current favorite author?

Sarah. J. Maas. I don’t know what it is about her writing style, but it’s addicting. Throne of Glass is hands down the best series I’ve ever read. A Court of Thorns and Roses is the first book I’ve EVER reread. Her stories truly suck you in and hold onto you—you get lost so easily in her writing and it’s like once you’re done with a series, nothing will compare. Or, at least that’s how I felt after finishing Kingdom of Ash. Honorable mentions: Jennifer L. Armentrout, Penelope Douglas, L.J Shen, Elle Kennedy and Kennedy Fox.

QUESTION: any recommendations/tips to give to a new reader?

I’ve always given this advice to people who want to get into reading: find what you like and start with that. If you like romance, I’ve got a list for you to choose from. Mystery? Another list. Sci-fi? I GOT YOU. Fantasy? Yes! Sports fiction? It might take me a second but I’ll find you a book. Nonfiction? I’m zero help in that category, honestly. The point of the matter is that you’re never going to enjoy a book if you aren’t interested in the underlying topics.

QUESTION: do you ever find yourself comparing your life to fictional life?

Yes. All the time. I daydream about being apart of the Inner Circle and living in Terrasen with Aelin and Rowan. I think about what it would be like to have real powers and a mate. It drives my boyfriend crazy—but he loves me anyway.

QUESTION: what are your most anticipated books of 2021?

Here’s a list:

A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

The Crown of Gilded Bones by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Gods and Monsters by Shelby Mahurin

Crescent City 2 (Untitled) by Sarah J. Maas

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer (I just ordered this one & it arrives tomorrow)

Blessed Monsters by Emily A. Duncan

QUESTION: why did you start a Tumblr?

Honestly, I used to love tumblr when I was in grade school (way too young to be on here then but what else is new). I like having an extra space to get my questions and comments out without having to compress it into a 60 second video for TikTok to see. Tumblr is a good place to blog & post things like this.

QUESTION: what’s your favorite song right now?

I’ve listened to Carry You by Novo Amor every day for the past two months and I cry each time.

QUESTION: why write Harry Styles fan fiction?

Simple: I love Harry Styles. I’ve been a fan of him and One Direction since they were on X FACTOR. Read that again. X. Factor. I used to watch their performances on YouTube before WMYB even came out. Of course, I love all of the 1D boys but I was always a Harry gal. And I look up to him in a way—I’ve read things about people wishing they knew him personally and honestly? I would never want to meet him. I like the version of him I’ve cooked up in my brain over the past 10 years. I like the symbiotic relationship I have with his music. Fine Line is a ✨masterpiece✨. HS1 is a ✨work of art✨.

now, some topics I’ve been asked way too many times and want to finally get to:

QUESTION: political views?

the saying “anyone but trump” has been in my brain for the past four years. No, I’m not a republican. No, I’m not a democrat. I like to think of myself as a progressive (ahem, liberal) Did I vote for a democratic candidate? Yes, and I’d do it again and again until the US isn’t one of the worst countries—I’m sorry, businesses— to be apart of. I wanted Bernie but got Biden, and I’m alright with that. And my girl Kamala🥳

QUESTION: how did you feel about the BLM protests?

I went to multiple BLM protests and donated a lot of funds to BLM & other organizations. It’s 2021, people... stop being fucking RACIST. And don’t be afraid to call racist people out! Black Lives Matter, even if no one is posting about it anymore.

QUESTION: thoughts on abortion?

your body your choice, queen! not my uterus, not my problem.

QUESTION: there was a comment on an old video of yours talking about r*pe, why did you delete the comment?

I made a video when I first started my account on TikTok about reading in public and feeling “turned on” by it. Go watch it if you don’t know what I’m talking about. BUT, some ignorant male decided to comment and say “this is how girls get r*ped”. Whew. So. I deleted the comment because ....

I am a victim of sexual assault. Along with a lot of other women. 1 in 5 women have been victims of sexual assault. Talking about being r*ped isn’t funny.

No one else needed to see his comment. I reported it immediately and his account was shut down.

I never got justice for what happened to me, and the fact that some random male—who had never even met me or seen me before my video showed up on his FYP—had the nerve to comment that? Unacceptable.

this question isn’t as controversial but

QUESTION: what’s the best way to get out of a toxic relationship?

okay, let me just start off by saying that the people around you who love and support you are going to be your backbone. Leaving a toxic situation is hard, and every situation is different, but my best piece of advice to offer you is don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your loved ones are going to be there for you when you need them, even if you don’t believe they will. If you explain what’s happening, someone you know and love will drop whatever it is their doing to make sure you get out safely. good luck my babes.

now, back to our regularly scheduled program:

QUESTION: any tips on making tiktoks?

Literally none. I post what I think is funny and relatable and if anyone agrees, I’m satisfied. Even if it’s one view, it’s good enough for me. So I guess my one tip is to not base your life off of an app and followers.

QUESTION: favorite Harry Styles fanfic?

DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE. Duplicity is up there, along with Stall 1&2, and Kiwi. After? Absolutely not.

QUESTION: favorite WEBTOON?

y’all already KNOW. LORE OLYMPUS BY USEDBANDAID. Rachel is a genius and I have reread the series a million times. Hades is my soulmate and Apollo can rot in the fiery pits of the Underworld. also, if we’re talking about other webcomics, reading Walk on Water on mangadex...🤫

QUESTION: favorite movie?

Howls Moving Castle. I will be getting my “a heart is a heavy burden” tattoo very very soon.

QUESTION: I read your Elain theory on tumblr, can you explain a little more?

I thought I was pretty straightforward but I’ll say it again: she is always the “good” one and it’s too suspicious. SJM has already given one Archeron sister a happy ending, Nesta’s is obviously inevitable, but Elain? She has too many options for a happy ending. Lucien, who is her “mate”. Azriel, who is intrigued by her slightly. Her human guy—I don’t remember his name—who is disgusted that she’s not human anymore. Or, alone, planting flowers all day. BUT! My point is that she’s not truly happy. She was forced into the Cauldron just like Nesta. She was ripped away from the life she loved so dearly and didn’t want to give up. The man she was going to marry now hates her guts because she’s a High Fae. She has the perfect set up for a villain plot line and I’m all here for it.

well, that’s all I feel like doing tonight. hope you enjoyed my little q&a! be kind, and talk to you later! byeeee!

#a court of silver flames #acotar #harry styles #one direction #sarah j maas #throne of glass #wattpad #tiktok #elain archeron #howls moving castle #lore olympus #q&a time #walk on water #persephone #lore olympus hades

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project-ohagi · 4 years

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Dabi x Reader

Buy me a coffee!! <3

Greyromantic: Can experience romantic attraction, but weakly or infrequently; feeling alienated from romance; only feeling attraction in specific circumstances.

Asexual: Having little/no sexual attraction or interest in sexual activities.

Questioning: Process of exploration regarding gender, sexual orientation, sexual identity.

----

The phenomenon of love is a complex, chemical concoction that has long been weaved into the fabric of our society. It is presented as a requirement, with those who find the concept either too challenging to thoroughly comprehend, or lacking in appeal, branded as anomalies. In its pursuit of normality, it quickly alienated those whose hearts just couldn't conform. In a different society, one not quite so dominated by this 'normality' of romantic and sexual interests...you might be forgiven for your limited knowledge. But this one...it seems to blanch at the very idea that happiness can be attained in the absence of romantic attraction.

As such, those identifying along the Aromantic or Asexual spectrums are often overlooked - even shunned. But, the greatest truth of it all is a lot simpler than you may expect: an emotion as profound as joy cannot be induced solely by succumbing to carnal desires, or tasting the lips of another. No...it is through self-acceptance, and the acceptance from those for whom your heart beats - parents, siblings, friends...and perhaps in this manner, the meaning is amplified.

But...what happens when you are forced into complacency, into setting aside your own interests, to 'further evolution', or to 'finally be normal'?

You were still trying to figure this out.

Who were you...really? Why couldn't you summon an emotion as free and universal as love?...Romantic love? Why did it seem so incomprehensible, so...intangible? These were the thoughts you battled with, every waking moment. They burrowed deep into your mind, so that you could never pull them out. They were elusive, yet...constant, nagging.

Why am I so different? Everyone else has crushes...even Toga likes that one UA boy! Ah, yeah...she asked me if I have someone I love. I just said "No". Saying: "I don't even know what 'love' is" seems a bit...she'd definitely call me weird. Then the others would probably laugh at me...

You felt...incomplete, like a jigsaw puzzle with only half the pieces. You felt the isolation, suffocating you. It hadn't been a conscious decision. You didn't awaken one morning and think 'You know what? This whole 'love' thing? It just isn't for me! ' You craved a connection, a bond of some kind - holding hands...a hug at most. Anything more was frightening to imagine. What if someone...pressured you? Or stole a kiss, as an offhanded action? You couldn't bear it...not even the mere thought. It was likely the main contributor to your chronic anxiety and paranoia. Your treatment at the hands of society, the ridicule and the fear of phrases such as "It's just a phase!" or, "You need to find the right person!"...they fuelled the flickering spark of villainy in your eyes.

After all, outcasts and monsters are interchangeable to most common folk.

But you didn't want those labels. You were a lost lamb, wandering aimlessly - what you really needed was guidance...someone who would listen and advise, someone who would accept you and every burden you carried, without question or quandary. But you said nothing...so you got nothing in return. Dabi was the closest to a...a source of strength? Motivation?...Potential love interest? But...how would you ever truly know? How could you discern the romantic from the platonic? It seemed impossible - simply a waste of time. Still, you never fully resigned to this fate of...loneliness.

You wanted to cherish, and to be cherished.

You wanted to love, and to be loved.

Perhaps it was the unyielding voice of fear, of desperation and pain, but...you just didn't know! You didn't know...and, it was difficult. You studied Dabi's face, and while nothing immediately heated your cheeks, he wasn't...unattractive. Aha! Maybe that was love? Alas, you discovered it to be more aesthetic attraction. It was a little disappointing, but perseverance should've been the key, right...?

Why? Why do I feel so little? Dabi is there for me, right? So surely if anyone, I should love him!...Do I love him? How can I tell? Is there some sort of test? How would a test even be administered? What kind of questions would I have to answer? I don't think I could answer them, even with study. If I'm struggling so much now...

And anyway...Dabi was a dominant male, whose sexuality was unclear. Even if you managed to settle on a definition of 'love', and figure out what role it played in your life...there was no guarantee that Dabi would want you. The jury was still out, on your gender - 'questioning' was your placeholder for the moment. But, you usually dressed masculine...would he be okay with someone so indecisive? Someone who might be neither male nor female? And, what if...what if he wasn't the one?

Say I can find love, and I start to understand it...who's to say that the person I love will be Dabi? It could be anyone! Maybe they were right, and I just haven't met the right person...but, I kind of want it to be Dabi? Is that...bad? Oh god, it sounds so selfish! He'll just be tied down, and if we find out that I don't actually love him...what would he do? At the very least, he'd be angry...

Dabi...the more you recalled his honey-laced voice, all the flirting you failed to notice until it was pointed out (clearly, he was doing that in jest), and those blue eyes (steely from years on the run, that probably depleted the pools of guilt and regret often accompanying mass killings, thievery and other criminal acts), the more confusion festered. You just didn't understand! Was it love? Or was it conversion? Were you trying to become 'normal'? Well, as normal as a villain could be...? Or did Dabi really mean something...something greater than you believed? Something...beyond what you currently knew?

This journey of self-discovery had approached a torturous junction.

Why were relationships so sought after, so expected? Even you desired one. How else could you ever hope to form a deep bond, or receive that fabled 'feeling of ecstasy' from holding hands or hugging? If there was no romance, mainstream media would lead you to the conclusion that there isn't a 'proper' or 'deep enough' connection - there can't be. You wanted to experience these things with Dabi. No-one else. You couldn't explain why. He was...an unusual character, mysterious and with perhaps a similar level of complexity as the daunting questions you were asking yourself. But mentioning your plight to him simply wasn't an option. Villains were responsible for themselves; the League was nothing more than a safety net.

Besides, Dabi was heartless.

...Or so he liked to be portrayed.

Urghhh...why is this so complicated? How am I supposed to know if I love him? The signs are...increased heart rate and blood to the face, right...? That seems unhealthy...is that actually supposed to be a good thing??

"Hey, you stopped spacing out yet, (V/n)?"

Shit! No, no, no! I haven't finished spacing out!

Sheepishly, you turned in the direction of the voice. Why did Dabi always seem to materialise out of thin air, whenever you thought about him? Did you magic him here, by accident? Subconsciously? However you managed that...you hated it. Your existential crisis really didn't need a spectator. Break out the popcorn, why don't you?

Can't I have a break down in peace? Wait...am I even in my room?...Did I seriously question my entire existence right here in the bar? It's a good thing there's no-one else here...I don't need more people telling me that I'm crazy...

You sighed. "...Yeah."

His brows furrowed - this was unfamiliar territory. Helping people had never been his speciality, especially given his own trauma . But for you...it was certainly worth a shot. "What's up? You on your man-period or something?"

Off to a spectacularly dreadful start. "I - I don't know if I'm a man, though...how could I-"

"Relax, it was a joke. Your pronouns are they/them, right? I'm not gonna call you a man just for the sake of argument. Nah...Hey, scoot over." A for effort.

"You could sit literally anywhere else."

He smirked. "You gonna stop me, sweet-cheeks?"

Sweet...?

"Thought not. Anyway, what's going on? You've been all doom-and-gloom for the past...two hours." He motioned over to the clock.

Had you honestly spent so long in contemplation? Gods, you could've unlocked the secrets of the universe, but no. "I've...kinda been asking myself that."

"Oh?" It was obviously a prompt, but talk of your romantic inclination (or lack thereof) would likely be regarded in the realm of 'stupid' and 'childish', so...could really you trust him?

I've always been too nervous to take risks...Guess now's as good a time as any to change that.

You swallowed down the uncertainties, the anxiety and everything in-between. They didn't help - they only hindered. And...you did need to release this burden, that weighed you down so heavily.

"Um...it's - it's...confusing. Really...confusing. I guess, I simple terms: I don't know what 'love' is. I know it probably sounds really dumb to you, and I feel stupid for even saying it, but...I've never...never had a crush, never been in love. I don't...I don't feel anything romantic towards, well...anyone!"

"Not even a bit?" He asked, blank-faced.

"I - I don't know. I really want to, though. I'm just...I'm scared. There's always this underlying fear of...what if - what if someone forces me? Y'know? What if...I date someone, and they can't accept that I'm different...that I might never feel anything for them? I don't want to be lonely forever, Dabi! I want someone, I really do! I say I've never been in love, but...the truth is, I just don't know! I know that I don't need to kiss someone. That's what I...what I don't want, but...I - I still want to hold hands with someone! I'd still like a hug, every once in a while...I don't know what I'm doing, or really...who I am."

For a few moments, he was silent beside you, just drinking in the flood of information. He refrained from reaching out, or gazing too intently. It took time to settle on an appropriate response. "You're looking at it as an issue, though - something you've gotta resolve, before you can move on. I'm not the best with advice, trust me...but I can tell you that it's a journey. It'll continue and evolve, as long as it needs to. You'll...probably know when you're ready, or...something. All that sappy crap. You don't have to force yourself to understand it all now."

I'll know...?

"When I'm...ready?" You repeated, eyes tracing the lines on your palm.

"Yeah...probably."

Just before you lost all coherency, a single thought fluttered to the forefront of your mind: My heart...just...skipped a beat?!

[Word Count: 1775]

#bnha dabi #my hero academia x reader #mha dabi #dabi is a todoroki #dabi x reader #pride #greyromantic #asexual #questioning #honestly same #bnha x reader

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la-luna-es-hermosa · 4 years

Text

Home Pool (Kai x Reader)

※ Idol!AU || Fan!Reader

※ One-shot || Genre: Smut || Romance

※ Pairing(s): Kim Jongin x Reader

※ Summary: Jongin gave her a black bikini to wear and as she wore it, it was just the beginning of his exploration.- For all the wrong reason

※ Word Count: 3558

※ Warnings: Sexual Content, Pool Sex

※ Main Masterlist || Commissions

(Full Name) walked to Jongin's (her old room) room. Where he's currently staying at. "Jongin, please wake up!" (Name) told him, knocking on the wooden door. "Oh, I remember! We are going to swim there, right?" Jongin opened the door for her to enter. His eyes drifted downstairs. He was shirtless. Her eyes went wild as she saw him just in underwear. His boxer was black and damn! He is so damn sexy!

Jongin closed the door. "Like the view?" He smirked at her. "Yes," She laughed at him. Her face went red when she spoke those words. He turned off the AC and opened the fan. He laughed back. Then, he went to the bathroom and did his business. After going to the bathroom, he walked back to her, who was sitting on her study desk.

"Also, (Name), here." He handed out a bag. "Oh, you don't have to!" She exclaimed as she received the gift. "Wear that for today, (Name). Your parents don't know I’m your boyfriend, right?" He smirked at her. She knows what he wants when he does that smile. He wants her parents to know that they are in a relationship. - They didn't do the do yet either, keeping everything a secret. But (Name) said she was ready to give herself to Jongin last night.

Let's go back to what they talked about last night. - Indeed they are secret lovers. Nobody except them knows they're together. Not even his closest friends and family nor hers as well. None of them want anyone to know. - For everyone's safety.

"(Name), you love me, right?" Jongin asked her while stroking her silky (hair color) hair. "Yes," she answered him. "Then, Are you willing to give yourself? I know you're a virgin" He asked her while stroking her back, wrapping his arms around her. "Yes." She swallowed her saliva thickly. - She felt anxious because she never had sex or anything of that caliber. She wants to experience it but, she thinks she's too young for that. Although she's already 18 turning 19 and he's 29.

Okay, let's now go back where we left the two. (Name) grabbed the paper bag from him, "Prepare yourself." Jongin ordered her. "I'm excited." She smirked as she spoke to Jongin one last time before leaving the room. When she finally closed the door and went to the place where she sleeps right now (her parents' bedroom), she decided to open the bag. She was shocked by what he gave to her. The contents of the bag were a two-piece plain black bikini. She blushed when she saw it. It was quite revealing. How the fuck do I pull this off? She asked herself.

When she puts it on, she saw how it reveals her chest. It was a classic bikini, but she isn't used to wearing these kinds of things. She had always been wearing rash guards every time they swim. But she breathed heavily as she puts the swimsuit on with a robe. I don't know how to fucking explain this to my parents! - She muttered under her breath.

"You want daddy to make you feel good?" Jongin asked the innocent girl underneath him. Touching her buttocks ever so slowly. - Jongin bit his lip lustfully with his lustful thoughts lingering in his mind after she left. He never felt this kind of lust for her. He never thought he'll feel it, but alas, he did.

Damn! She looked too hot on that white shirt I gave her. - He thought to himself yet again. Imagining things again. Isn't he? Then, he wore a simple bear shirt and plain black shorts underneath his trunks as he went downstairs. - Down the grand staircase of (Name)'s family.

She's rich. - Like she has a swimming pool in her house. He also heard that her family owns hectares of land across the region. Plus, she lives in a big ass house and heck! They even have a piece of another land in the same village! Her parents really got it on in life. They really found success. They even own separate businesses to add to all of that.

He was finally down from the stairs. His eyes were in awe as he saw fried rice on the table as well as hotdogs and eggs with onions and tomatoes. - He knows (Name) is really fond of hotdogs and eggs. - But, seriously, everything on (Name)'s mouth is delicious, including and probably, his cock. Her taste buds feel like they always had MSG on. He smelled it and it made him more hungry than he is.

"Sit here." (Name)'s dad said with a smile as he taps a chair beside (Older sister's name), (Name)'s older sister. "Thanks. Mr. (Surname)" Jongin thanked him and sat. The plate is already prepared. "Let's eat!" Her mom told him as (Older sister's name) came in and sat on her chair. The rest of the family, including the maid, was dressed.

Then, the six people in the house started eating with light chatter. Their maid was particularly quieter than before. "Bute na lang nagsasalita ng ingles si Jongin." (Trans: It's good that Jongin knows how to speak English.) (Name) smiled as her mother commented on her lover's skills in the English language. (Name) nodded "How would we be so close if either of us don't know how to speak English?" She replied as she puts fried rice on Jongin's plate. "That's okay." The male guest spoke as she puts enough rice on his plate. She stopped putting rice on his plate. Then, he puts eggs on his plate.

"What is the Tagalog for taste and delicious?" He asked her. "Masarap, Tikman, or lasa. It depends on your context. Masarap means both delicious as well as pleasurable. Tikman means to taste and lasa is just the taste of something." (Trans: Delicious) (Name) answered him with a concise explanation and smiled innocently to him. Jongin started eating again. He thought of something again. '(Name). Masarap tikman.' (Delicious to taste) He smirked to himself again. The family finished their food. They all, including Jongin stood up. "(Name), come on!" Jongin removed his shirt showing his very sexy body in front of her family. With beautifully sculpted abs. Next to him was, (Name) who was wearing a robe on top of the black bikini.

"Mag Swimming lang kayo muna ha? Aalis muna kami ah… (Name), lalaki kasama mo. Remember that." (Just swim okay? We're just gonna go out… (Name) remember that you are with a guy) Her mom walked away as she left alone with Jongin.

'Bat parati nalang iniisipan kami ng nanay o tatay ko ng masama? Pero I mean I’m going to do that... (Why is it always that they have to think about something dirty? But I mean, I'm going to do that…) She thought and sighed.

Her parents disappeared and finally, they can be alone. He was the first one to enter the pool. Then, (Name) proceeded, the cold water sending shivers to her. Turning on the fountain for the two of them. She removed her robe to show Jongin the bathing suit he just gave her. It hugged her figure perfectly. It looks stunning on her. The simplicity of it makes it even more beautiful. The bikini looks so good. The underwear was like almost a thong and really gives a lot of views to admire for Jongin today.

"Just as I thought, it really suits you." He thought as he smirks at her. Observing her figure, her cola-shaped body, her full breasts. It was really perfect, she has a bit of fat but was okay with it. Jongin really likes her when she's soaking wet in the pool. It looked really hot.

For a while, they started playing in the water. The pool isn't big but gave enough space for them to play around. Splashes of water goes everywhere. A couple of laughter here and there. "I'm getting a bit hungry." (Name) got out of the water and frowned a bit. She decided to go to the grill and grill the barbeque already prepared.

While facing the wall, while preparing the grill for the barbeque, he started lightly touching her thighs. He is obviously up into something. "Sit here." Jongin went to the chair near them, said and tapped his lap.

"But I’m doing something." She said to him. "Baby... Come on..." He said gently as he lifted her legs and got a towel on her, with his pillowy bottom lip, he pouted. Of course, she can't resist Kim Jongin's charm. He is too handsome for his own good.

She left the barbecue and went to his lap. "Baby what do you want?" She asked him, touching his shoulders. She felt shivers in her spine as he went under her underwear. Getting his hands on it, touching her clothed clit. "Fuck... please..." She moaned quietly. It was giving her arousal. The pleasure was so good, if she touched herself, it's not as good as this one. Even though it's just a rub to her clit, it's still so good.

Jongin suddenly puts his fingers away from her warmth, towards the waistband of her underwear, taking it off from her. Showing her ass in front of him. She was lying on the table. With her ass in the open, Jongin's smirk grew larger, the tent on his pants got harder if that was ever possible.

His hands already touched her ass. "Two little cheeks. Cute." He said as his rub sent shivers down her spine. She was immediately dropped on the table. His lips started kissing her ever so gently. His lips were soft. And, he is incredibly experienced with these kinds of things.

His puts his fingers to her mouth, coating it with her saliva. He managed to put it in her wet slit. It was tight, and getting a bit wet. His moves were careful. One finger was moving gently. "Fuck, you really are tight." He smirked as he used his non-dominant hand and cupped her ass as he squeezed it. Then, he added more fingers, thrust faster, and earned more salacious moans from her.

"Fuck I'm gonna come… Please" She moaned. - Good things have to end, as she was entering her climax, holding onto Jongin's shoulders tightly, he withdraws his fingers. His fingers were coated with juices from her slick sex. He tasted it.

He bit his lips and spoke, "(Name), please sit on the table." He smirked at himself as he watched the girl sit on the wooden table at their veranda. Then, using his skillful hands, he removed her bra with just one finger. He kept himself busy as he swirls his tongue around her hardened nipples, interchangeably with his right dominant hand.

At that moment, Jongin was glad that she did not do anything to the barbecue. It was still not cooking. The grill hasn't been prepared yet. 'Cause if it was, it's going to burn and smell like shit. Jongin doesn't want to explain to (Name)'s parents why the barbecue was burned or something.

"I like your breasts," Jongin spoke in the middle of licking and massaging her nipples. She was moaning already. He hasn't even started. This was a world she never explored. "Ahh… ahh… thank you… I guess…" She moaned and nodded. When he was done, his attention drove him to her stretch marks. "I'm sorry I'm not as perfect as you are." She muttered under her breath as he started kissing those unwanted marks. "No, you're perfect as you are." He smiled at her as he continued kissing it. He started touching her beautiful body.

Then he suddenly stopped. She frowned just a bit. - Jongin touching her buttocks and kissing her give her lots of goosebumps. She stood up and faced him again. Out of impatience, he removed his black swimming trunks, springing his cock free. It wasn't exactly huge, but it was quite the size. She gasped as it was standing hard in front of her.

She got off the table and aligned her mouth to his fat cock, kneeling to the painful stones, but it seems like she gave no fucks and just kneeled on it, it was painful, but she didn't mind, giving him a good suck is the priority. "This is my first time doing this. If I bit you, I didn't mean to." She worriedly spoke, with a crooked smile on her face. He plainly smiled at her worries. "You're so concerned. I like that." He patted her thick black wavy hair. His innocent smile turned into something else.

She opened her mouth as big as possible, then she started sucking his cock, entering it to her mouth in and out, hollowing her cheeks, Jongin stroked her face gently as she continued. "Pretty good for a beginner." He smirked as she continued sucking his cock. The choking sounds turn him on a little. Suddenly, she started fondling his balls. Getting him to moan louder than he used to. "Choke on my cock" He spoke as he buried her deeper into his cock. Low groans can be heard from Jongin, laced with profanities.

"Ok, that's enough..." He pulled her mouth out of his cock. "How was it?" He asked her with a smirk on his face. "Good." She spoke innocently as she nodded. "Sit up again." He ordered. She immediately followed his orders and sat on the table. He kneeled just like she did before when she was giving him a blowjob. He sticks out his tongue as he buries his face in her pussy. It had sparse pubic hair on it, and wasn't exactly a problem since it was neatly trimmed.

She moaned loudly as he flicked his tongue and using his thumb, touched her clit in a circular motion with his wet muscle. - She threw her head and gripped on the table. She was experiencing too much pleasure. "Fuck, keep going!" She moaned as his licking got faster, he was sucking on her pussy like he was drinking some kind of sacred juice. He was good at eating out, extremely good.

"I'm going to cum!" She moaned, this time, Jongin did not even try to stop her. She just came. Then, he licked the remaining juice off her pussy. When he lifted his head up, he licked his lips sexily, giving her more arousal. "Is that good?" He smirked at her as he stood up again. "Yes." She nodded as she smiled. - There's still a hint of innocence in her. "Get into a doggy like position. Lay on the table." He ordered her. She was quick to follow as she stood up from the table and laid her upper body at the table and put her two arms together. - Forming some kind of chain.

He drifted away from her, getting two things from nearby. - A condom and a bottle of lube. He opens the condom and puts it in his cock, then he rubs a bit of lube, for assistance and safety. - She's a woman of the future, he doesn't want her to have kids in a part of her life that she's only getting ready for that ugh… adult life.

After that, he proceeded as he aligned his cock on her well-prepared pussy. She moaned as he stroked it slowly on her, it was teasing her as she impatiently waited for it to be on her tight little pussy. "Fuck... Please… Do it already!" She complained as his teasing wouldn't stop. Jongin smirked with her squirms of pleasure. She pouted as he just wouldn't put it in already.

"Ah… Fuck!" She moaned as he entered his hard cock on her with no warning at all. He pressed one of his hands onto her back as he fucked her with no empathy. Her eyes opened far wide in shock. - He just fucking slammed it up in her tight little hole. There were cries of both pain and pleasure from her. It was weird. - indescribable. Then he puts his mouth on her neck and collarbone as he sucked it, giving her hickeys.

With a few ins and outs, (Name) adjusted to his length. It was an almost-doggy style fuck. It was good though. With her moans, comes his profanities. "Fuck, so tight! Ah..." Jongin expressed as her started to fuck her. "빨리! 빨리! Jongin please make it faster!" She moaned. He was quick to follow her instructions, thrusting faster into her. His right hand drifted and went to her clit. While the other one is holding tightly onto (Name)'s arms.

He quickened his pace, his cock pushing in and out. Her moans are like music to his ears. - It was low and seductive. He never really thought he'd like someone like her. She isn't skinny, but she's everything he likes to a woman. "(Name)... Fuck... Your pussy is so tight..." He moaned, it was low and was obviously unheard from the loud moans she elicits.

"Please! Jongin... Fuck I’m going to come!" She moaned as she licked her lips. "Then come, I’m going to last pretty long… I'm not punishing you…" He smirked as she finally let out all her cum. - No holding back. Then, Jongin got his cock out and made her stand again. The condom was coated with her fluids.

"Why did you pull out?" She asked him. "I pulled out because I want to change position." He replied to her. Then, he went away and changed position, the position this time was lifting her legs up, putting it in his shoulders. She sat on the table as Jongin started moving again. "Fuck…" He moaned lowly. The pace has a rhythm as he slowly starts moving faster, building up the pace.

"Fuck… your cock is so deep into me!" She moaned as he continued his pace. He started to aggressively kiss her. His lips were violently attacking hers. His cock entering continues as he slammed it faster, skin slapping skin, it gave such a lewd noise, that it's turning both of them on again. Jongin can't control himself from fucking this girl in the oblivion. He thrust hard, like really hard, "JONGIN!! FUCK!" She screamed as loud as possible. He also massages her boobs, squeezing it, making it jiggle a bit. "Ah! Ah! Ah! Fuck… oh my God… it felt so good!" She moaned more as the lewd noises grew more as he raised her legs and made her hickeys bigger than they are.

When he stopped planting hickeys on her, she moaned again, her hands drifted to her neglected clit. Jongin stopped (Name), replacing it with his own dominant hand, he started playing with her clit as he thrusts, "Ah… Jongin… please… make me come all over your cock!" She moaned, begging him. "Fuck… (Name)..." He muttered under his breath. Her moans were perfect, the way she says Jongin is just music to his ears

Then, he started hitting her g-spot. Her moans were louder as she threw her head in the opposite direction, obviously, she's in the throes of pleasure. "There… oh my God, there!" She moaned as she held onto his strong arms. He was just penetrating it harder into her. The position they did was nice as his cock goes deeper in her for sure. He continued his rhythm as he furrowed his eyebrows.

Then lost control to his pace… "Baby, I'm gonna come again…" (Name) moaned yet again, her eyebrows innocently raised near each other in both pleasure and worry. "Do it, I'm gonna come too." He spoke in between thrusts. It was erratic, getting slower. Suddenly he came already, "Fuck… That was so good." He moaned as he pulled out the condom and threw it to the trash.

"That's just the beginning, let's come inside. Let’s continue" Jongin spoke as he carried her bridal style to the bedroom. - She was extremely breathless, her arms are wrapped around his neck, trying to catch her breath. Jongin's fucking was so good, it was unexplainable, the way he hits her g-spot, his overall performance was just amazing. Jongin's cock was still hard, but he's willing to wait for tonight. "I love you." She said as they were going to his room, and he kissed her lips shortly.

They were lucky enough that (Name)'s family arrived just a few minutes after they went upstairs. Or else something would happen. She still is horny but for now, she has to wait until tonight for Jongin to touch her again and give her another good, gold medal fuck or something.

Opening the wooden door, the couple came in. "Let's change into something else." (Name) spoke as she wore new clothes, she saw her parents come into the house again. Jongin as well. It was an easy job as she wore a simple white shirt and shorts combination. "Let's just continue that somewhere else," Jongin smirked as he kissed her lips briefly. It's still obvious that his cock is standing really hard.

"Sinasabi ko na nga eh... May nangyari..." (Just as I thought, there is something that happened.) (Name)'s mom muttered as she saw a wet bikini and trunks. There was also a bit of quite watery fluid. It smelled like pussy. - Not in a bad way per se, but they have to do some explanation to her mom.

Note: I personally blocked some blogs at this rate, since tumblr only blocks that side blog/main blog, some people can still view my works. If one of your blogs are not blocked yet, DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME. Got it? Good. Remember that. Cause I just unfriended someone recently, due to my fanfic "squirt". Please I hate blocking people. Also, due to COVID-19, I miss swimming now, heck I even miss people I don’t wanna be with.Please support my Wattpad stories.

#kai smut #exo imagines #exo #kpop #superm #kpop imagines #kpop smut #exo smut #kim jongin #kim jongin smut #kai #kai exo #exo kai #jongin smut #kpop fanfic #pooltime #swimming pool

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ificanthaveu · 3 years

Text

Dani Reviews Wonder

hello, I'm well aware no one asked for this but this is the only way I can order my thoughts on an album and when Romance came out, someone literally asked me to fully review it and I've never forgotten about that and I loved writing a full review so hello here I am

I hate that I have to do this but DISCLAIMER: these are my opinions. I get that you may not agree with them and that’s totally cool, but if you come into my inbox attacking my opinions on a song, I will not answer it and it will be deleted without a second thought. Let’s discuss the songs, not tear each other apart

and LET’S GO

1. INTRO

Ok so I typically do nothing with intros because I usually think they’re a waste of time. HOWEVER, I really like this one. Now that we’ve heard the whole album, it really encapsulates the entire feel of the rest of the album. It’s been on my playlist since it’s been released and I'm obsessed with it. The soft little piano in the beginning is just perfect and I really love the build up. (not many lyrics to chose from here ope)

You have a million different faces, but they'll never understand unless you let them in

2. WONDER

I never did a full analysis like I was going to for this song. However, I’m going to do like half of one here. I honestly feel like he can be talking about himself, his fans or a girl. You can see it in all 3 ways. I also just feel like there are some lyrics in this where I'm like YES. It reminds me a little bit of Mirrorball by Taylor Swift in the fact that we expect so much from celebrities and like.....why??? It’s just kind of fucked. I think this is honestly such a good single and I really really love it. I feel like it’s just really pure?? if that makes sense. Like he’s just being like “I wonder why it is like this.” and the BRIDGE ugh she's so beautiful.

I wonder why I’m so afraid of saying something wrong. I never said I was a saint.

3. HIGHER

A CERTIFIED BOP. It’s just so lively and upbeat and I wanna dance and I CANNOT WAIT to hear this live. It’s going to be absolutely insane. Blasted it on my way to get coffee this morning. And the lyrics are so lovey and cute but the beat is just too fkn good. I feel like it’s a very common theme in this album to be like “with you, nothing else matters” and like...can’t relate but ALAS I love the music about it anyway.

All eyes are lookin' at us but I can't stop fallin' in love

4. 24 HOURS

OH BOY time to FKN CRY. I absolutely love how old timey it feels. Especially the beginning, it makes me think of 50s music and I’ve been on a big 50s kick recently. Again he’s just so loud about being I don’t care what anyone thinks because I love you and I know it’s you and like YES PLEASE. and just being so in love that you’d throw it all away to come home to that person every day. I really love how the lyrics start with him being like I don’t know how to do this at all but I love you so lets go from there and then figure out the rest. And quoting “only fools rush in” made me so emotional. I love how simple the music is behind it because I think it really encapsulates the feeling of the song. It’s so hard to pick a favorite lyrics for this song my god.

(Besides the entire chorus) I paint the world that you deserve, every color you'd imagine

5. TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE

UMMMM OK???? Very Justin Timberlake vibes for me personally. Very 70s. Very vibey. “Draw a map for me laced with strawberries” ???? HOMIES I cannot I genuinely cannot. As sexual as this is, I also think it’s just so PURE. Like just teach me what’s best for you and I’ll do it. Also like...Shawn say “fuck” challenge like homie you could’ve just said it. Please. I also feel like if I was in love with someone, it’d hit different but for me it is just so FUN and I love the guitar parts a TOn. Like Idk how you can’t just get up and dance to this. Also this one live is going to be other worldly. And “babe I won’t stop til you feel the rush” I MEANNNN

F'ing me up, I'm what you dеserve

6. CALL MY FRIENDS

Ok, so idk what to really say about this one. I like the concept. I think the concept itself is really sweet and fuck it hits different when you’re away from all your friends especially during quarantine and college in general. Like I was (still am) on the phone with my friends constantly, because like Shawn said, they know me better than any one else ever will because they watched me go and grow through it. It’s also just sad because we grow up and grow apart and fuck it’s HARD. I’m not a huge fan of the chorus and I think that’s the main thing for me. The verses are sweet, but idk really about the chorus. I’m just indifferent about the chorus. But there are just lyrics in here that really hit me like “I miss how it was when we we wished we were older.” that one really gets me.

I know you gotta make some sacrifices, I don't wanna be alone for one more night

7. DREAM

Ok I LOVE THIS SONG but I have to first get something off my chest. The first time I listened to it, I could only think of the dream song from shark boy and lava girl. I don’t know why. But I’m done with that now. Moving on. This song is just so sweet and lovey and I’m obsessed with it. I really like the rhythm of it?? I think that’s the word I’m looking for idk. ALSO him talking about their little touch bracelets like wtf why is no one in love with me. I honestly don’t have much to say about this except that I’m thoroughly obsessed with it. I kinda feel like this song could be in a movie?? you feel me??? The echoey “dream”s are also just GORGEOUS, also how it gets so soft at the end fuck I love this song. And if I think too much about it I’ll cry, but the parallels between Dream and Dream of You

I don't wanna wake up without you laying next to me

8. SONG FOR NO ONE

This song makes me sad. Very sad. God, just the feeling of having a notification and wanting it to be that one person and it just never is but every time you’re like ok but what if. I was thinking about this last night and the way I see it is that he’s made it clear all of his songs are for/about Camila. So I feel like this one is very guard up, being like “no no this isn’t about you, I swear I’m not writing songs about you. it’s about no one. it’s just something I made up” which just makes it all so much harder. Also the use of “someone” instead of “her” or “you” is also very like “I’m not going to say it.” It’s just all very sad because you have to imagine everyone asking him all the time who his songs are about and he just had to keep saying “no one.” This is the first time where he’s actually been able to say “HEY THEY’RE ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND.” And like fuck, finally. Also imagining Shawn drunk calling her and her having to say she doesn’t feel the same. AND when he's like it’s fine I’ll be fine anyway as his voice kind of trails off like GOD that feeling HURTS. I just have way too much to say about this song because I think you can go really deep into it on what the years before Camila and him started dating were really like for him.

Close my eyes, things are better in my dreams, 'cause I'm with someone, someone I adore

9. MONSTER

I won’t say too much about this bc this song has been out for a little bit, so I’ll make this a little more personal. my friend Han is a HUGE Justin fan and I am pretty obviously a HUGE Shawn fan. and we’d always be like “omg what if” but we thought it was never going to happen so when rumors started circulating about this, we were fucking freaking out. This song is literally our dream collab. I think Justin was the perfect person for this song because of his time in the public eye. And just the whole song being like “you put me up here, so I guess you’re the only one who can push me off.” And it is pretty fucked how we put celebrities on these pedestals and expect them to not make any mistakes at all when we are constantly making them. It’s just hypocritical. It’s also hard to pick a favorite lyric for this one because I think there are a lot that hit hard so I’m doing a fave Shawn and fave Justin

Raise me up into the sky until I'm short of breath // ‘Cause unforgiveness keeps them in control

10. 305

This one surprised me in the best way. I have no idea what I was expecting for this song but god I LOVE IT. I’m obsessed with it and want to jam forever. Just very boppy??? and so HAPPY. I get so smiley when I listen to it. “Waiting for the moment that you’ll let me down” just stuck out to me because I feel like that’s such a universal feeling. Like when everything’s going so good and you’re like....ok what’s about to go wrong. I’m literally dancing in my seat to this baby. The chorus is so catchy and I really wish I was in love pt 358933. I think this may be crowned as my favorite on the album. It’s just so fun and full of love.

Would take my heart with you if you walked away

11. ALWAYS BEEN YOU

I have been looking forward to this one and she did not disappoint!! Again, this man is screaming about how in love he is and yes, sir I’m listening. You’re the only one my heart keeps coming back to!!!!! And just the very loud instrumental with the soft “always been you”s is SO GOOD. The boy who’s really underneath all the scars and insecurities!!! God, I just feel like this one is especially raw about love. And for the thousandth time, really wish I was in love to fully feel this but STILL it has such a good beat but is still so so soft.

Full of words I don't know how to say

12. PIECE OF YOU

Heavily reminds me of Jealous by Nick Jonas and I am HERE FOR IT. I feel like we haven’t gotten a ton of this blatant jealousy from him and the HONESTY of this is very like yes I'm possessive. I’m so into you it hurts!!! The counting is also.....hot. Idk why but I love a song that’s very like “yes I'm protective and pathetic and reckless and what about it???” Again, love the beat. A little 80s in my opinion (here’s me remembering it’s MJ inspired lmao).

From the second you walked in the room, my night is ruined

13. LOOK UP AT THE STARS

*deep breath bc I love this song so much* ok so I read the lil things Spotify had underneath before each song and I cried immediately when I just READ that it was for the fans and then listening to it in that light just killed me. ALSO if you saw his insta live last night he was literally like “look up at the stars!! remember that one!!” and now I'm like OK THANKS. Anyways, It is so soft and fuck it’s so meaningful. This is one of my favorites for sure. It’s literally like he’s sending you away from the concert and this would be such a good closing song (I know it won’t be but I can dream). I’m crying again but “I'm not going to let you down”??? PLEASE I JUST. Calling us angels!! I’LL NEVER BE ALONE Y’ALL I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS TOO MUCH. Never Be Alone has very much turned into our song with Shawn as his way to be like hey I’m always here so YOU’LL never be alone, and now here he is saying because YOU ALL are here I am never going to be alone. AND FUCK IT HITS DIFFERENT. AND SPENDING THE NIGHT IN WONDERLAND WITH YOU!!!! God I’m just a puddle after this one

the streetlights are all saying your name, they always say your name

14. CAN’T IMAGINE

he wrote this on his own and yes I'm emotional about it. I don’t think he’s released a song he’s written on his own since handwritten revisited??? (correct me if I'm wrong) but even that alone is enough for me to know he’s getting way more confident in his music. I think it’s a really good closing because it’s so soft and acoustic and very true to him as he started. The raspiness and realness of it even with the lil thing he says at the end. AGAIN, why tf have I not felt a love like this yet??? Of course, I’m just going to not think of it romantically but just having those people where you can’t even begin to even think about what your life would be like without them. Like I think the lack of descriptors is actually really powerful because like...he can’t imagine it, he can’t explain it so let me just tell you that I genuinely don’t know what would happen if you weren’t here. It closes out the album perfectly (not many lyrics to pick from here lmao)

Without you, all things right would feel so wrong

OVERALL - I honestly really like it there are a bunch of songs I can see myself listening to for a WHILE but there are a few that I'm very eh on as well. I really like the sound of it and the production and just the ~feel~ of the whole album

TOP 3

1. 305

2. Look Up At The Stars

3. 24 Hours

Honorary mentions: Dream and Teach Me How To Love

#me #sm #dani listens to wonder #Shawn mendes #wonder #Shawn Mendes wonder

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teatitty · 5 years

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SO ABOUT BRUCE’S LOVE-INTERESTS

First of all I think we need to address why he has so many compared to other DC characters. Well, my good people, this is very simple: his writers are bad. A lot of his love-interests simply existed for the sake of a story and most of the time the reason they don’t work out is because, and I’m not bullshitting here, it’s part of Batman’s nature to be so obssessed with solving crime that he can’t maintain a serious relationship with women. And Bruce Wayne’s relationships fail because of his constant absences and secrets.

That being said, sometimes his relationships fail for other reasons. So let’s get this started shall we?

Category One: His Major Relationships

These are his relationships that have consistently shown up in many continuities and were, in fact, attempts on giving him some kind of serious girlfriend, regardless of how the writers failed.

1: Julie Madison. Julie’s character has changed a lot in the different continuities but originally she was an actress who broke up with Bruce because he refused to stop his “playboy ways” even when she confronted him about them. In one version she goes on to marry a man in Europe. In New Earth her hair was changed from black to auburn and, instead of being an actress, she was the daughter of an entrepeneur.

She broke up with Bruce when she learned he was Batman and that her father had been killed as a result of Batman’s action. She moved to Africa and became a missionary. In current continuity, Julie is an artist and her father is an arms dealer who sold the gun that was used to kill Bruce’s parents. They first dated as teens but met again when Bruce lost his memories (amnesia stories yaaay). Bruce was so passionately in love with her, that he was even ready to settle down and marry her. Unfortunately, in his absence, Gotham’s crime had skyrocketed and Alfred and Julie had to, regretfully, give him his memories back so he could be Batman once more. This also erased his memory of being with Julie.

In The New Batman Adventures comics, Bruce and Julie dated right up until Bruce found out she was only after his fortune. That’s just how it be in comics sometimes. She also appeared in the Batman And Robin movie but her character added little to the plot and most of her scenes ended up being edited out in the final cut.

2: Victoria/Vicki Vale. Vicki Vale was created to be Bruce’s version of Lois Lane (yeah it’s no wonder this never worked). They got involved because she made it her life’s mission to expose Batman’s identity and ended up dating Bruce in the process (it’s also worth noting she was already suspicious of him being Batman). Her character hasn’t had a lot of changed over the years and, surprisingly, has managed to keep most of her original characterization.

She disappeared from the comics when Julius Schwartz took over the editorial office in 1964. She was re-introduced in the early 1980′s by Gerry Conway but idea was ill-advised as her character had very little development and was instead the same old concept of someone finding out Bruce’s identity. Doug Moench was mainly responsible for slowly removing her as Bruce’s love-interest, though she has since returned to that role. In Batman: The Road Home, Vicki finally got proof that Bruce was Batman but decided to keep it to herself and instead became a confidante and ally of the batfamily, rather then Bruce’s girlfriend.

She appeared in Tim Burton’s Batman as well, but was a damsel in distress throughout the film and only learned his identity through happenstance rather then because she was seeking it out.

In various other continuities, she’s been shown as an occasional date for Bruce Wayne.

3: Selina Kyle needs to introduction but her influence in his life is so long and extensive she’d need a post of her own to cover it all. You’ll be pleased to know that there have been quite a few stories where they’ve managed to sustain a relationship and be happy together.

4: Talia Al Ghul. Obviously we all know her for being Damian’s mother, whoever Ra’s himself has encouraged her relationship with Bruce, because he wants to try and recruit Batman into the League of Assassin’s.

Originally, Talia was very devoted to Bruce and loved him as much as she loved her own father, even saving his life on multiple occasion’s, though she always returned to her father’s side afterwards. They had a sexual encounter that lead to the birth of Damian, as we all know, but over time Talia became more antagonistic towards Bruce, seeking to fulfill her father’s goals and rule with Batman by her side instead. However, he rejected her proposal and she declared war on him (yikes.)

In Batman: The Animated Series, her character was practically the same as her comic iteration. She returned in Batman Beyond where Bruce was horrified to learn that she’d given up her body for her father (yeah. That’s a thing).

In Batman: Arkham City, Talia and Bruce had a romantic background and cared very deeply for eachother, even willing to risk their lived to save the other’s.

On Earth-16, Bruce broke all ties with Talia due to her conflicting morals; her love for Bruce vs her loyalty to Ra’s.

In the Dark Knight Rises film, Talia is an executive member of Wayne Enterprises who becomes romantically involved with Bruce. She eventually takes over the company and tries to destroy Gotham per her father’s mad design.

Category Two: Minor Relationships

These are his love-interests who have only appeared sporadically as options for him over the years, rather then being a consistent thing.

1: Amina Franklin. Originally someone who worked as a nurse at Leslie Thompkins’ clinic, Amina met Bruce at a party and they started dating shortly after. Her brother, Wayne Franklin (I know), was the villain called Grotesk (original name there buddy) and Amina was killed during a confrontation between him and Bruce.

2: April Clarkson (Midnight). If the name Midnight strikes any familiarity to you, then you’ll know who April is. She was a GCPD officer who briefly dated Bruce and helped Batman track down the gruesome murderer Midnight (yeah his track record is great isn’t it? In her defense April only killed the corrupt dudes but like. Still). Bruce was pretty torn up when he learned this because he had very strong feelings for her! Alas what can ya do, right?

3: Bekka. Bekka saved Batman’s life from Darkseid’s forces on the planet Tartarus and the two shared a mutual attraction (Bekka is also Orion’s wife. Yikes.) She was later murdered (in my mother’s own words “another one bites the dust”).

4: Black Canary. Yes seriously. Despite her long-standing romance with Green Arrow, Dinah has shown attraction to Bruce on numerous occasion’s and the two have even shared kisses before (Batman: Brave and Bold #166 and Birds of Prey #90). On Earth’s 31 and 37 this attraction is way stronger.

5: Charlotte Rivers. A news reporter in Gotham, Charlotte wanted to leave the city which put a rift between her and Bruce. After her twin sister, Jill, made an attempt on her life, Charlotte dumped Bruce and took a job offer in Paris. Ouch.

6: Dawn Golden. Dawn was the daughter of cult leader Aleister Golden, who practiced Dark Magic. Dawn was a childhood friend of Bruce’s who dated him in college and apparently broke his heart (lmao). She became a socialite and then her dad murdered her as part of a dark ritual to give himself eternal life. Yeah.

7: Harley Quinn. YEP HERE’S ANOTHER ONE. Harley has had occasional romantic encounters with Batman over the years, specifically in the Animated Series when she kissed him in the episode Harley’s Holiday. In recent N52 canon, there’s been a couple of stories where Harley has ended up infatuated with Batman or Bruce Wayne. They’re all one-sided feelings as far as we know, however.

8: Jaina Hudson (White Rabbit). Another name that might be familiar to those who know Bruce’s villains. Jaina was a socialite of Indian descent who met Bruce at a charity fundraiser. Later Bruce found out she could duplicate herself into two beings: herself and the scantily clad (its comics what do we expect?) criminal White Rabbit, who had, more than once, lured him to other villains like Joker and Bane.

9: Jezebel Jet. A wealthy woman of African descent, Jezebel was a model who owned an African province and secretly worked for Black Glove. She gained Bruce’s love as a ploy to destroy him during Batman R.I.P and was later killed on Talia’s orders.

10: Jillian Maxwell. Jillian met Bruce at a costume party in Batman: Legends of The Dark Knight Halloween Special #1 (wow thats long). It turned out, however, that she was actually a woman who used many different personas to seduce wealthy men before orchestrating events that led to their deaths so she could take their wealth. Wild. When Alfred told him this, Bruce was heartbroken. Jillian used the name Aubrey Marguerite in Brazil and Bruce, as Batman, tracked her down and left a note ordering her to confess her sins.

11: Julia Pennyworth. Daughter of Alfred and French Resistance fighter Mademoiselle Marie, Julia was introduced to the comics in by Doug Moench in the early 1980′s. Efforts to make her a romantic partner for Bruce proved difficult with the presence of Noctura and Vicki Vale (guess why he writ her out of comics lol).

12: Kathy Kane (Batwoman). Strap in lads this one gets Weird. Kathy was made in the Silver Age to be Batman’s female counterpart and romantic partner. Many stories showing the two getting married were published though in the main canon at the time her feelings for him were one-sided. On Earth-Two, Kathy resigned herself to live without his love and on Earth One she was murdered by the League of Assassins. Grant Morrison wrote stories featuring her in New Earth canon bc he liked using Silver Age comics for inspiration. She was eventually replaced by Katherine “Kate” Kane, a lesbian who got discharged from the military for homosexual conduct (in New Earth as well). In Prime Earth canon, Kate Kane is Bruce’s cousin. So yeah. There’s that.

13: Linda Page. Adapted from Batman serial (1943), Linda came into the comics during the Golden Age and was a former socialite who worked as a nurse for the elderly, disproving the idea that rich women were lazy and spoiled. She dated Bruce for a few issues but fell through the cracks and disappeared.

14: Lorna Shore. Lorna is a Museum Curator from the Lovers and Madmen story in Batman Confidential. Her relationship with Bruce was love at first sight and he was able to find peace with her for the first time since his parents’ murder (look. I know). However, after his first encounter with Joker, Bruce broke off their relationship to keep her safe and Lorna left Gotham soon after feeling that the city was no longer safe bc of Batman and Joker.

15: Mallory Moxon. Daughter of mob boss Lew Moxon, Mallory was a childhood friend of Bruce’s who dated him for a short time when they were kids (I know) before they drifted apart. They dated again as adults even while Bruce suspected her of continuing her father’s criminal operation. He never found conclusive proof.

16: Natalia Knight (Noctura). Another character created by Doug Moench in the early 1980′s, Natalia was the most remarkable of Batman’s love-interest’s at the time. A jewel thief who briefly adopted Jason Todd and knew Bruce’s identity, Natalia had a rare light sensitivity disease that bleached her skin white. She used a special narcotic perfume that caused men to fall in love with her and Bruce was no exception (yeah...). They started dating because they were both “equally fascinated” by eachother (Y E A H). Bruce realized his love for her was because of the perfume and struggled to stop thinking about her. Nocturna was stabbed by her brother during Crisis on Infinte Earths and floated into the sky on her balloon, presumed to be dead. Other versions of her character have appeared since but none of them are the same as the original pre-Crisis version.

17: Natalya Trusevich. A Ukranian pianist, Natalya grew frustrated with Bruce’s closed-off demeanour until Alfred had him reveal his secret to her. Abducted by Mad Hatter soon after, Natalya was tortured in an attempt to get her to spill Batman’s identity. When she refused, Mad Hatter threw her off the helicopter to her death.

18: Pamela Isley (Poison Ivy). Here we go again lads. Ivy, as we all know, uses seduction and pheromones to get men to fall for her and obey her commands. This is no different with Batman, who initially confused the lust caused by her methods for love. Ivy has a love/hate relationship with him: sometimes she claims to love him and desires his affection and other times she has no problem wanting him dead. They had a brief but genuine relationship when Bruce cured her condition but this ended when Pamela seemingly died trying to turn herself back into Poison Ivy. Yikes.

19: Rachel Caspian. In Batman: Year Two, Bruce fell in love with Rachel. Unfortunately her dad moonlighted as a murderous vigilante who committed suicide. Bruce was prepared to end his crime-fighting career to marry her but Rachel broke off their engagement and enrolled into a nunnery to pay her father’s penance after learning of his evil deeds.

20: Sasha Bordeaux. Assigned as his bodyguard, Sasha deduced Bruce’s identity as Batman and briefly fought at his side. Framed for the murder of Bruce’s girlfriend, Vesper Fairchild, Sasha later joined Maxwell Lord’s Checkmate Organization. She was turned into a Cyborg during The OMAC Project but this was resolved later. Though she did kiss Bruce near the end of OMAC Project their relationship passed on.

21: Silver St. Cloud. Appearing in the late 1970′s in the story Strange Apparitions, Silver was a socialite who, despite deducing Bruce was Batman, couldn’t handle dating someone with such a dangerous life-style (fair enough actually). She left Gotham but returned years later in Batman: Dark Detective where she and Bruce tried to make a serious romance work. This fell apart after she was kidnapped by Joker and later on Silver was murdered by the criminal Onomatopeia.

22: Shondra Kinsolving. A psychic and half-sister of Benedict Asp, Shondra had a brief romance with Bruce when she helped heal him after Bane broke his back. Before they could fully commit to eachother, Benedict kidnapped her and turned her abilities to evil use. Batman defeated him but the damage to Shondra’s mind was too great and, after healing Bruce’s injuries, her psyche regressed back to childhood. Bruce paid for her to have the best intensive care for the rest of her life in a psychiatric institution.

23: Vesper Fairchild. A popular radio host in Gotham, Doug Moench (jeez dude chill) established her romance with Bruce during his second run of Batman in the 1990′s. During the No Man’s Land Crisis, Vesper left Gotham and was killed by David Cain on Lex’s orders. This started the Bruce Wayne: Fugitive storyline.

24: Diana Prince (Wonder Woman). Briefly dating in the comics, nothing actually came of their romance and they both decided to simply stay good friends. They did, however, still care deeply for one another and it was this love that allowed Diana to become a Star Sapphire during the Blackest Night storyline. They were also paired together in Justice League Animated.

25: Zatanna Zatara. Bet you weren’t expecting this one huh? The first time they had romantic interest was in Batman: The Animated Series where they met in their youth. Bruce gave priority to pursuing his training to becoming Batman and they met again as adults but nothing came of their interest. This was later introduced in the comics. They had a major falling out when Bruce discovered Zatanna had windwiped him after he’d caught her mindwiping Doctor Light at the JL’s instruction. Bruce made it clear he didn’t trust her anymore but they later resolved the issue and became close friends again.

Category Three: Other Media

These are still minor relationships but as a whole they didn’t really happen during main continuities. Basically these are romances specifically from films, crossovers and the DCAU.

1: Andrea Beaumont. In Batman: Mask of The Phantasm, Andrea was engaged to Bruce before he became Batman but she broke off said engagement when she fled the country with her father to escape the mob. She then became the title villain of the film.

2: Barbara Gordon (Batgirl). Probably the most infamous for making everyone go “wtf”, Barbara had a heavily implied past relationship with Bruce in Batman Beyond and had sex with Bruce on a rooftop in the animated Killing Joke adaptation.

3: Lois Lane. In a crossover between The New Batman Adventures and Superman: The Animated Series, Bruce and Lois dated eachother to Superman’s annoyance but Lois broke up with him after learning his identity as Batman. During a 3-4 issue long amnesia storyline in the Batman/Superman teamup comic, they also shared romantic feelings for eachother and kissed right before Bruce restored his own memories (dont. Ask).

4: Rachel Dawes. She was his childhood friend and love-interest in the Dark Knight Trilogy. Like. That’s it.

And there you have it! All of Bruce’s gf’s aired out for everyone to screw their noses over! This wasn’t worth any of my attention but fuck it! It’s done!

#random facts #bruce wayne #the suffering i went through for this #tw: suicide mention

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bloodybells1 · 5 years

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Motley Boo: The Dirt 2019 and a Tertiary Failure to Reframe the “Baddest Band”’s History within Patriarchal Discourse

It’s difficult to overstate the impact Mötley Crüe made on the history of heavy metal with their 1981 debut album, Too Fast For Love. Raw, phlegmatic, and, yes, fast—it clocks in at less than 40 minutes—the album dropped into the world of heavy metal like a megaton anvil (or a turbocharged racer, depending on how you looked at it). The repercussions were conclusive and far-reaching. Shortly after the release, the band would support established acts like Kiss on the road, and later followed up the record with an even bigger smash hit, Shout at the Devil, permanently engraving them into the annals of heavy metal.

What distinguished this freshmen effort in the larger context of the metal scene, however, was the band’s—well, really, Nikki Sixx’s—intelligent cross-referencing of glam rock optics within the giant soundscape of the Marshall amp set. Almost a decade before Guns’n’Roses would introduce a similarly decadent soupcon of glam rock attitude into heavy metal’s DNA (more in the form of LA dispossession, but you know what I mean), there stood Crüe, bow-tying the cranked distortion of heavy metal with an androgynous, lipstick-smeared pucker.

Yet, the record was more than just a public relations gambit to redesign heavy metal in the image of T. Rex. After all, it seemed the band had actually made a great album. It was good enough to make it into the mixtapes of LA punks and New York skinheads, at least, as well as those of breadbasket-America headbangers—quite a feat for a band that cared little for the punk scene’s headier nihilism. Punks, for their part, looked past the cockrocking and focused instead on the record’s straightforward production and live sound. As it turned out, it was a good sign that a band like Crüe, for all their apparent fluffiness and ostensibly commercial leanings, had gained the favor of this more reticent community, having passed the “canary in the coal mine” test of punk rock’s preoccupation with authenticity.

And yet, I bet the first thing that comes to mind when prompted by the name of Mötley Crüe, at least to that of the layman, isn’t the infectious speed of “Live Wire”’s thunderclap-opening riff, but rather the band’s notoriously depraved extracurricular reputation. In fact, the quartet was already infamous for debauched hedonism prior to their even getting signed, the lore going back to their salad days as local lotharios at the Viper Room in downtown Los Angeles. Right out of the gate, they were as famous for fornication and drug abuse as for their music.

Far from discouraging the storyline of excess, Crüe seemed right at home with their association with drugs and sex. The emphasis on carnality became a career-long feature of their mystique, both as a marketing strategy and as a core element of the philosophy implied in their music. Ultimately, they would enshrine this element in the form of a tell-all, committing all the sordid details of their exploits to paper in their aptly-named 2001 anthology of licensed sin, The Dirt.

Couched as an entry of the confessional genre, the volume was jointly written in equal parts by each band member, offering long, anecdotal chapters, written in an extemporaneous, oral style. The accounts dove deep into the cesspool of their origins and the progress of their career. Obviously, the band didn’t write an exhaustive account of their entire story up to 2001, when the book was published, on their own; journalist Neil Strauss adroitly arranges their tracts with a wink and a nod. Not satisfied with a simple tell-all, though, he weaves the band members’ submitted drafts and “journal entries” into a grand narrative fabric that belies not only Strauss’s objective’s gaze, but a teleological vision of the price of fame, a tale steeped in storied entries of similar abasement, perhaps dating all the way back to Joris-Karl Huysmans’ A rebours.

Despite The Dirt’s clear insistence on the prevalence of moral transactionalism, it has nonetheless become known as a foundational text for the “sex, drugs, and rock ’n’ roll” trope of decadence. Readers seem to cherish the opening chapters of early hedonic excess without making much of the larger morality play laid out through the book’s end. The earlier chapters are so naked (excuse the pun) in their reportage of the band’s debauched activities, they’ve been taken as advertisements for that behavior. This rendering misappropriates the book’s real value—as a text on moral cosmology—by turning it into further glorification of rock’n’roll’s early hedonistic credo. Those early chapters are really a set up for what the book truly is, and should be known for most, that is, a discrediting of that credo.

The Dirt makes a clear case that the band has paid for their excesses—Vince Neil loses his daughter, Nikki Sixx almost dies, Mick Mars fights his way up to become the true sage in the band, Tommy Lee keeps getting divorced. These facts are laid out convincingly through a simple prose style: diaristic reportage of the self that, through careful pacing, mines deeper and deeper levels of personal pain and reckoning. Strauss is methodical in doling out these sojourns into the moral deep, making sure not to preempt their trials with hints of the future (never mind that we know how the story ends). This, along with the distinct voice of each band member, has the added effect of keeping the reader on the edge of their seat.

The supranarrative that emerges by the final page, one that supplants the traditional one that the unsuspecting reader no doubt imports into the book from decades of formulaic pandering to baser perspectives, states the fundamental primacy of Fate, that even the world’s most riotous band could not escape cosmic will. Mötley Crüe, as authors of the commodity known as “Mötley Crüe,” and through the media amplification of commodity fetishism, have become godlike and must be thrust down, made human again. Fate will make a human out of the man no matter how demiurgic he becomes.

It’s no surprise that, with heady matter like this associated with a known commodity like Crüe, an early film deal sprang out of the publishing of the book. The Dirt came out in 2001, 20 years after Mötley Crüe came on the scene, and it has taken almost as much time for its dramatization, in the form of a Netflix biopic, to emerge. That’s a long time for a movie based on a book to come out, and there has understandably been a lot of anticipation.

Through the years, I’ve come to loathe biopics, which with few exceptions turn out to be the mere regurgitations of original texts, authored under viably artistic circumstances and trademarked, but then repeated by a committee of capitalist shills for a waiting audience eager to consume the brand anew. This explains why almost every biopic is a formulaic compendium, lacking any vision or direction, since its objective in the first place is to provide brand pornography for consumers of established texts.

It’s quite sad that the cinematic dramatization of The Dirt is no exception to this rule. It so exemplifies the craven absence of real art in the modern biopic as to appear almost comical at times. Indeed, when I looked at the image on my Netflix home page of the movie, I initially thought that perhaps someone had given Mötley Crüe’s inimitable story the Christopher Guest treatment.

Alas, no.

The movie is a sorry parade of every single biopic cliché that was ever established in the history of biopics. I won’t go into just how pathetically—shamelessly, even—this movie panders to the basest titillations of brand pornography. That sad fact has been firmly established by the critical consensus. (It carries a 43 percent Tomatometer on Rotten Tomatoes, a rating I, in fact, find charitable.) My point in writing about this infuriating piece of exploitative pablum is to direct the reader to the incredible missed opportunity of this movie.

As I’ve already written, the book’s greatest accomplishment is not the lascivious proxy to bad behavior its protracted tales of sexual promiscuity and substance abuse offer the more upstanding, less adventurous reader. It’s the successful reframing of the “sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll” narrative as a cautionary tale. Granted, we’ve seen this story inscribed into the annals of pop stardom before the publishing of The Dirt (hello Buddy Holly movie, Walk the Line, et al). Yet, its innovation lies not in the mere fact of the reframing, but in its offering the pen to the miscreant author: The Dirt is perhaps the first bad boy memoir: a behind-the-scenes tell-all yes, though of the Gore Vidal sort, and repurposed for the headbanger set with a moral edge.

By 2001, it had long been understood that this snot-nosed gang of aging rockers no longer had a decent recording in them (that’s no criticism if you believe, as I do, that the artform of rock music entails an inherent expiration date). Instead, they produced a memoir that, shot straight from their shaky typewriters and notebooks, reinvents the band as willing atoners. In so doing they reemerge as personal subjects of a grand, cautionary tale, a heavy metal story for the era of Oprah, if you will. Mötley Crüe, then, performed a more authentic act in the writing of this book than any album they would have dared record.

Yet, along the current of its blood-soaked river of retribution, The Dirt, misses one crucial point of reckoning, one that positively begs for further exploration.

Thanks to the #MeToo revolution, we are now given a critical apparatus to judge the excesses of the past committed in the name of patriarchy. Prior to this revolution, texts containing sexist, heteronormative givens were accepted reflexively by the zeitgeist. These were mythologies that historically debased and objectified women as the enslaved recipients of male lust, simple organs of the hedonic will of masculinity. We might have laughed at the music video for “Looks that Kill,” which features, among other debasing tropes, a gaggle of women in generic Neanderthal livery, but today we laugh harder—and more painfully. We no longer turn our eyes away from the now obvious rooting of this imagery in patriarchal attitudes.

The Dirt admittedly has almost nothing to offer by way of a #MeToo moment. (Early kudos, though, to Mick Mars who dedicates many of his paragraphs to the ludicrousness of male promiscuity.) But this isn’t necessarily a shortcoming of the book, anymore than that we may fault any number of classic stories and records that import similarly unexamined masculine, heteronormative givens into the 21st Century. As late as 2001, our eyes were yet glazed over with the unquestioned spectacle of male desire. Furthermore, the book is rife with vulnerable emoting and painful rumination. It thereby confers it an atmosphere of thoughtfulness. To a certain extent this vitiates against accusations of insensitivity.

But this potential forgiveness isn’t possible in cinema, where the taut storyline and shorter format require a more conclusive, unshaded verdict. Never mind that in 2019 it’s positively inexcusable. The #MeToo movement has today firmly established a visible discourse that supersedes antique notions of male desire, yet the movie seems to have taken no note of this seismic occurrence. To name but one of the movie’s baffling examples of cultural myopia, there are at least two scenes portraying women materializing out of the darkness underneath dining room tables, complete with satiated visages fresh from a round of clandestine fellatio. This is only one of the movie’s dated pickings from pre-#MeToo boilerplate, but it is perhaps the most glaring.

The film seems to conflate factual verisimilitude and hindsight objectivity; to which the simple response is that portraying something “as it was” doesn’t inoculate you from the sins of the past. One need only watch a couple seasons of another Netflix offering that traffics in garish ‘80s pop-cultural paraphernalia, GLOW, to witness a successful handling of these two elements. Many of the antique notions that were part and parcel in the ‘80s are now clearly offensive from today’s standards of race and sex discourse. These are reframed as racist and sexist mythologizing by the show’s deep dives into the family life of one of the African American wrestlers.

There’s nary a hint of this sort of wokeness from the film version of The Dirt. You really have to scratch your head as to how the committee let this fly, not to mention how desperate anyone would need to be in order to ignore such profligate tone-deafness under their collective noses.

The Dirt in 2019 truly encapsulates the most tragic outcome of a band like Mötley Crüe. The film’s failure as a work of art is not surprising when you consider that most biopics fail in that regard (Bohemian Rhapsody, anyone?). But the movie’s failure becomes truly irretrievable, of a completely different order of magnitude, when you consider that Mötley Crüe missed another opportunity to reframe themselves along the contours of contemporary discourse. They were successful in 2001, when, during the era of Oprah, they took their foundational text of rock’n’roll hedonism and reframed it as a personalized descent into Orphic confrontation. This gave us cause for hope in 2019, during the era of #MeToo, when the missing piece of that story, the accounting with the greater societal harm caused by unexamined patriarchy, was given an incredible opportunity to be placed back into the spine of the band’s legacy. Unfortunately, as Netflix and Mötley Crüe have made clear, the hope was misplaced.

#motleycrue thedirt metoo

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slashtakemylife · 5 years

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Just finished the last episodes and I need to rant about Adam because boi, if they had actually given the importance to Adam they said he had, Voltron would've been very different, in a better way

When S7 aired and I learned of Adam's death I felt upset and shocked but I never raged, I was just disappointed, I nosedived to every interview to see if the general media talked about it, and they did! However in the interviews I read things about Adam like, "since Shiro is gone, Adam is the next best pilot there is" (as to why it was Adam on the first unsuccesful wave), "he didn't hesitate" " he was made of the same cloth as Shiro" "His importance to Voltron is very big", I got massive warning signs of they doing what I personally call "sugarcoating" specially after reading the apology were JDS said they never intended to make Adam a recurring character, but alas, I waited to finish the season and properly make an opinion, well the warning signs were true and now I AM RANTING!!

I'll be going a little off topic but one thing I seriously hate in movies and shows are when female characters, specially love interests, are the best of the best, the most high rank, the smartest, the strongest, the handmade creation of the gods themselves, up to a point that sometimes you go, then why is the male character the leader? Isn't she more qualified? well yeah but she isn't just because, but other than saying how awesome she is, they barely show it, in important, crucial, deciding, defining moments they are not there when by their rank they should be or they are just adorning the background barely making any opninions, or despite being shown to be badass in certain scenes they are just sitting plants in others just for the hero to rescue them

Female characters are awesome and I love many of them but there are obvious parts were they are simply pushed aside despite the amount of importance they give them, Hollywood is afraid of putting female leads but also afraid of being called mysogynist so they create secondary female characters and then they "sugarcoat" them to us with valuable aspects such as a big family conection, a big link to the plot of the movie, a rank, a skill or smth to show she is a "strong woman" but only when convinient

As a female I'm used to this sugarcoating, so when on interviews I read those things about Adam, that is what pissed me off. Listen, in my true honest opinion, the VLD crew really wanted to make this rep for us, Barlee admitted it was greenlit late, it was smashed together (and it shows) but they did their best, I accepted Adam as JDS letter clearly says, Adam was just a character meant to show Shiro's sexuality, nothing less and nothing more, it's not that he is not important, he just wasn't planned for more and I'm not mad about it, I can accept that.

Suddenly declaring Adam as a symbol of loss, regret and war; a major character that has a major impactful role in Voltron..., please, that comes straight out of nowhere, since they saw how meaningful Adam was to ppl, they decided to "sugarcoat" him by giving him more value than he actually has or was meant to have, just let the man die and let me mourn him in peace

If I really give Adam the characteristics and value they said, things would've and could've been different in a so much better way and here is my how: (remember Adam is supposed to be like Shiro, one of if not the best pilot, behind Shiro, the garrison has to offer and a brave man that doesn't hesitate to jump into action, a team leader)

(Take this as a prompt as well please because I would love a fic like this)

So Shiro wants to go to Kerberos but Admiral Sanda won't let him, Sam Holt is pushing for Shiro because he is the best, but you need to replace him so, who is the second if not also the best pilot such as Shiro? You know it, Adam, he was there for every record but he is Shiro's flight parter so there is a high chance some of those records are Adam's as well, also Sam is close to Shiro so he probably would accept Adam as a replacement (or at least that is what Sanda would think)

If Adam is a self sacrificing hero like Shiro, he would want to accept just to keep Shiro safe back on Earth, Shiro could feel betrayed by Adam and the whole drama would've been so much better, but we need Shiro on Kerberos (unless you want BlackPaladdin!Adam) so imagine Adam coming over to Shiro and saying:

"Out of our time together, out of my respect and love for you, I'm doing this last thing, I'm rejecting Admiral Sanda's proposal and promote for you to be there, so go, but don't expect me to be here when you get back"

So Shiro basically has Adam's blessing but they still break up, they still parted on rocky terms but is more bittersweet and you show how mature and deep their relationship is

Back to canon, I believe they introduced Adam in the breakup because we are supposed to like him but not get invested in him so when he does die we won't feel so bad, VLD promoted Adam as Shiro's significant other, then they sugarcoated him by saying they were close to marriage but when we finally discover Adam's fate they go like, "we'll remember he is his ex, not current, so while feelings are still there Shiro already knew it was kind of over, so don't feel sad for Adam or Shiro, just remember Shiro is gay"

Having Adam just, "how important am I to you?" let's just say I'm not surprised ppl disliked Adam because he gave Shiro that ultimatum, his character felt needy and greedy but then again, we are not supposed to get too invested in him. (Boi, that went exactly the wrong direction, the fandom imprinted on Adam like newly born ducks)

I'll be going a little off topic but I'm coming back to Adam after explaining this thing: the cadets, why you use cadets and not fully trained officers? In all shows the main characters share their audiences' age but they always explain why, the adults are evil, fate just happened to put them there, a mystical something chose them (in the paladins cases) but here? They just say they are the best of the best, and that is good but still, just cadets, you can't do test with them, they could die, ppl have died while testing things, some of the crew of the guys that went to the moon died in a test in rl, right?

I thought, ok I'll go with it, but the Why You Don't Do That pretty much slaps them in the face, when the Galra attack, why they don't want to deploy them?

They are just cadets!

THEN WHY TF TRAIN THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!????

Sam came back knowing a Galra attack is inminent, the garrison is about to make the most advanced ships and weapons and they are giving them to cadets?! WHY?!?!

(Fix it and prompt time!)

Before Sam arrives they couldn't even make the pod move, so they could've explain the cadets as this

"It will takes us Years to create a simple prototype, if we were to train older cadets, they woulb be close to or retiring so better young ones so when we finally fly something they would not only have years of training but would be at their prime"

When Sam arrives

"I know you all expected to use this years from now but the Galra won't wait and neither will we, you are already trained for this so may as well keep it up"

- (the continuation of this prompt is after we talk Adam some more)

Back to the interviews, in one they said Adam's death was inminent given the natural flow of the show, if the Galra attack then we will deploy the best we have but the best we have is Adam so tough luck.

Me after watching the show: I'm calling BS on this! They HAD a defense line, they HAD the knowledge, they just sent them because they were stupid enough to put cadets in the only advanced weapon they had and to show how shitty Sanda was, and our poor gay man was the price, also brave Adam? I don't doubt it but then again, he did what soldiers do, he followed orders, so they didn't show me how brave he was, they showed me him doing his job, he knows what those commands mean, he knows what is his job description so while yeah he is obviously brave, so is everyone, he doesn't stand out, if he had been already buckled in Before the command then yes he is great but no, he just followed orders

You want to show his bravery and leader skills? Hold my juice, (I don't drink beer, sorry) we are about to get to the next part of the prompt

- (The next part :D)

Sam:

"We will keep you cadets but since the making of the ships is about to be done with the info I brought, we need an experienced pilot to be your leader specially in battle since you are new to that"

-Quiz time!-

Who is the best pilot the garrison has to offer known and acknowledged by both Sanda and Sam?

ADAM!!!

MFE pilot and leader!Adam

When the Garla attack, Adam is no longer in his squad, he stayed in base when Sanda deploys his unit and sees them get decimated, before they all die he does this

Adam:

"Cadets, I won't force you into doing anything, but there are good man and women out there getting killed by the very threat we've been training to defeat, so I'm taking my MFE and blast them to the next moon, anyone who wants to come along is welcome"

Sanda: "don't you daaare, court martial BS!"

Adam, while in his MFE:

"Open the particle barrier or I'll see a way to blast throught it!"

Sam does open it and they cover fire enough to save the few remaining earth pilots

(End prompt)

You see?!?! This is how you show me Adam being brave and a team leader, the original paladins are 4 young ones and a space dad, they could've had the earth equivalent with the 4 cadets and their own Shiro with Adam as their leader, can I also mention how he is now VERY much alive? So yeah, Adam is dead because you chose so! Shiro is alive because you chose so too! He was supposed to die to let Keith be the leader but you found his value and made great things with him and we all love him!

WHY COULD'NT YOU DO THIS WITH ADAAAAAAM!!!!!!

And you can't tell me it wouldn't be absolute poetry to have Space Dad as Captain of the Atlas, Space Son as the Voltron leader and Earth Dad as he leader of the Earth forces, being the support to keep safe his two idiots he loves and calls family

Adam should've left Griffin in charge for a moment, go to Shiro and blast Sendak with his MFE while screaming, this is for killing the love of my life! (Ok I got over excited in that last bit but you know it would've been epic)

If you reached this far you probably think I'm just a rabbid Adashi shipper ranting about my ship, and yeah I sorta am, as I said, I'm really just venting but still my true discomfort is the whole sugarcoating thing

I accepted Adam as JDS said, as what the show is showing me he is, a background character that, while he definitely is a major someone to Shiro, it is just for him, he doesn't have so much major importance in Voltron as a whole but he was designed that way, he is still part of Shiro's backstory but he is dead now and we shall move on

Don't try to make him more than he is outside of the show canon, this whole issue is because EVERYTHING is out of canon, the show reflects NOTHING of everything you said of both Shiro's sexuality and Adam as a character, if S8 brings Adam back whether is a flashback or alive, I'll come back to this because I will judge if they will own up to what they said he is or once again leave vague things that reflect nothing and try to cover it up outside of canon, I'm mad but mostly disappointed

I'll be fine in a few days and I will see S8 with the same excitement as I have all the rest of the seasons

#vld adam #vld shiro #voltron adam #adam w #adashi #shadam

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leggigoesabroad · 5 years

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we’re only here on borrowed time

Sitting on a lovely, smooth, high-speed train from Nuremberg, Germany to Paris. Yesterday was a day from hell which I'll lightly get into but not dwell on, but for now, I'm so happy. I'd be remiss to not mention why!! Part of the reason I decided to book the train instead of flying from Prague to Paris was for many uninterrupted hours to listen to this new book my doctor recommended for me, called "Stress Less, Accomplish More" but Emily Fletcher. It obviously sounds like a typical self-help book, but I have a crush on my doctor and she really sold it for me. (BTW she's no older than like, 32, is married with two kids, super pretty, and totally gets me. She's very female-centric and one time said 'I'll never let you leave here without a prescription for more birth control, we will never let the system be the reason you're struggling with something' after asking if I had enough for the foreseeable future. Joke's on her, I'm single AF, but it really spoke to me.) She said it's a book about meditation and although I've tried meditating before, I am a little bit of a natural skeptic as to allllllllll of its listed benefits. She said this super simple technique helps you sleep better, greatly reduces anxiety/depression, get sick less often, be more effective at work, eliminate jet lag, on and on. She said she honestly can't say enough about it and it completely changed her life. I took this as a way to be more like her and immediately bought it. Also because I wanted her to like me. Incidentally, she texted me a few days ago inviting me to a new women's group she's developing for people in my demographic who are going through the same things. Because like of COURSE she did!! She also tells me to call her Casey instead of by "Doctor" and man I should stop now this is getting weird.

Anyway, this book is by an ex-Broadway performer who noticed she was going grey at age 28 (cough cough I am too) and was sick of all the medications she used to treat these symptoms and wanted to get more at the root. She talks about how simple this meditation method is - 15 minutes twice a day - and how it is literally the best thing she's ever done for herself in her life. After her course, she asks people how much money it would take to stop meditating. They all say something between "500 million dollars" and "no amount of money in the world, because what would be the point without everything else meditation gives me?" I booked the train so I could set aside several hours to listen to the book, especially on this trip, because we all know from the Thailand blog era that being far away in new countries is often what helps me make decisions in life and really self-reflect. Yes, I hear how extra that sounds, but I'm fine with it. I'm only on Chapter 5 and I keep intermittently crying!! We haven't even gotten to the part where she tells me HOW to meditate! Just her background on why it works and the entire theory behind it. The author talks about one case in which a guy with advanced Parkinson's started her sessions and after literally the first one, his tremors disappeared during the entire 15 minutes and for 5 minutes after. She said when they both opened their eyes he asked if she had noticed, and she said she did, and started crying because it was arguably the most profound moment of her career. I'm crying typing this. Ugh. She doesn't claim that meditation will cure chronic illnesses of course, but rather that it's the best thing one can possibly do to supplement medical instruction and for some ailments, it can indeed end up replacing them. She said after she started the practice, she didn't get sick again (cold, flu, anything) for EIGHT AND A HALF YEARS!! Because when the body can use sleep at night to fully rest and not just as a band-aid for stress relief, your immune system can work at its intended level and not allow any of these small things to come into play. You'd think I'd be getting paid for this post, but alas, I'm only 5 chapters in and get ready for me to be even more insufferable than usual when I get home.

Onward. Last I left off I was in a cafe with Lizzy in Prague. We stayed for a few hours and actually got a lot of work done! Turns out my freelance deadlines don't disappear when I go to Europe, hmm. We then walked to an area called Petrin, which from afar just looks like a tree-covered hill. It's actually an uphill path in an expansive park that ultimately overlooks the entire city of Prague. The more we went up, I kept thinking "we must be at the top by now" and then new buildings and castles and paths and orchards would appear. It felt like a hidden fairyland with twists and turns and new beautiful sights along the way. I posted a pic on the gram, but at one point we came to a clearing and there was a picture-perfect snapshot of the entire city through the trees. With the red roofs and striking architecture I again almost felt like crying. Also saw a bunch of couples making out in the orchards with no shame all, so that was something. Good on 'em, ay. We stopped for a glass of wine at the top (duh) and ended up chatting about work/management styles/feelings about jobs/etc. Something great about Lizzy is that it turns out for everything I'm interested in, she's in grad school for. I felt like she was the manifestation of all things fascinating to me. Kinda like when you meet someone really smart who is able to vocalize all the things you feel about things, but better. Like Hilary, but not my sister. Like Jay Wong, but not my boss! We talked about Kitty and her job search and then got into the concept of finding a job by figuring out what you love and what comes naturally to you, and then seeing how you can get paid for it. She loved hearing about Kitty and SpotX and the proposal she had to do about team-building and customer engagement, and we chatted all about different marketable skills. I remember crying to Hil many years ago (Hil if you read this, do you remember??) about how I *thought* I was smart but I hated studying/learning/school and my grades reflected that, and how I've squandered all my potential, I'm actually really dumb, etc. BTW in retrospect I now see a lot of that as my undiagnosed ADHD and I wish I had understood it earlier to get ahead of it, but it's okay. Hil at the time told me that she may have great grades and a good job, etc., but that she can't walk into a room and command attention or just become friends with everyone, and that skills come in all shapes and sizes and one isn't better than another. I'M GETTING EMOTIONAL AGAIN. Remember when my blogs used to be carefree and funny? Me either.

After that, Lizzy and I walked all through the grounds of the Prague Castle and wound our way down the hill to the Charles Bridge, and stopped for another drink. Then we got into a whole discussion about relationships and sexuality. Later, when we were hanging out with her husband, Rob, I found myself saying over and over: "It's like what Lizzy and I were talking about earlier..." and he was like "how did you guys somehow talk about EVERYTHING today?!" Females, man. Eventually she went back to her place to shower and I checked into my Airbnb across the street. Got SO EXHAUSTED and almost fell dead asleep while waiting for her before dinner, but rallied, and so glad I did. We took the tram up the hill to a nice restaurant for dinner, then went to an Irish pub to watch the Liverpool/Barcelona game. No one there remembered the epic call from 2010 World Cup that Ned and I quote all the time, but hey, we do and that's what counts. ("AND YOU COULD NOT WRITE... A STORY LIKE THIS.") We got there at halftime and were ordering drinks at the bar when a guy sitting at the bar was a real dick and says to me and Lizzy, "just so you know, when the game's on again, you've gotta move. I sat here on purpose for a good view, so make sure you move." Then turned to his partner and we could clearly hear him saying things like, "Fuckin' ridiculous they're standing right there during the game... I'm not going to let that happen... no fuckin' way" Um, a) it's half time. b) it's a bar and we're at the bar ordering drinks. c) WE KNOW. d) fuck off. He kept talking about us after we moved and she and I briefly thought about starting shit but you know, foreign country and all that. Luckily he was cheering for Liverpool and they got stomped in the second half to lose the game and we rejoiced. :)

Went to a weird, dark "Books" bar after that and we were almost the only people there. There were condoms in the bathroom and I took one as a joke to show Rob and Lizzy, but now it's still in my bag and freaks me out every time I reach for my Chapstick. We went back to their house afterwards and I kid you not, just watched Harry Styles videos. Turns out they both love him, especially Rob, which is so rich to me. He was like "this guy is just like coolness personified and he's so talented and he's weirdly attractive in kind of a feminine way but also masculine and he has such a nice voice and swagger...." you'd think I planted Rob to say this to me, but no. We watched the entirety of his Carpool Karaoke as I told them all of my favorite parts ("I was back middle." "Why am I always Julia Roberts??" "I cry in like, a cool way.") It's like when someone says to me, "you know, I'd love to know more about the meanings behind Taylor Swift's songs but I never learned, what are all of the albums about?" And I look around expecting that I'm being Punk'd. Parted ways with them and thanked them for everything and told them I was very grateful for our summer camp relationship. You know, the kind that is intensely strong, and very brief. I may never see them again and yet we spent 15 hours straight together on Wednesday and I had one of the best days ever. See you in another life, brotha.

A series of hiccups led to a very stressful morning on Thursday that I won't fully get into because my poor family already lived through it with me via WhatsApp... but it started with extreme random nausea, (the kind you have a serious internal talk with yourself about: "no. you are okay. take deep, slow breaths. do not throw up here. you are completely fine, this will pass. breathe. you're not sick. this is just random. you cannot throw up here.") and then I got on what was supposed to be a train from Prague to Nuremberg with a stop in Schwandorf, but there was a service interruption on the first leg and everyone knew but me. Probably because everyone speaks Czech and I, ya know, do not. BTW so far Czech is the least intuitive language I've ever come across. I could read an entire book in it and wouldn't be able to give you even the slightest context, like you can with French/Spanish/German. I know, romance languages and all that, but man I really underestimated how important it is to know some of the language when you're traveling through remote towns. I notice everyone in Plzen has gotten off the train and I think "well that's weird, but maybe they're all local commuters." A lady comes by and yells at me to get off, I say, "English?" She says, "NO. Bus." and shoos me off. In the panic I forget my suitcase from where I stored it - thank the heavens above, it was still there when I realized 15 minutes later and fought my way back on a closed train. I have such PTSD today and can't fathom what would have happened if the train had left. Imagine my suitcase just taking off on a train to the Czech countryside by itself. Zero percent chance I get that back. Work computer, my treasured leather jacket from Kathy that I swear I'd save in a fire, all of my toiletries and pills and prescriptions...ugh I can't even think about it.

No one spoke English except for a kind man at the info desk who spoke very little, and gave me directions ("directions" is a loose term here, I did a lot of critical thinking and problem solving to vaguely understand what I was supposed to be doing next) to take a bus in an hour that would take me to Stod, where I could then catch my train to Schwandorf and hopefully ultimately Nuremberg. After a series of mishaps and incredible uncertainty, eventually all of that happened. I walked into the hotel in Nuremberg and almost kissed the floor. I had big plans to wake up early and explore, but alas, I'm embarrassed to admit that all I did in Nuremberg was buy some wine/chocolate/gummy bears and stay in all night and sleep late this morning. Bodies need rest, y'all. My audiobook author would tell me that my body is in recovery mode after releasing an unnatural amount of adrenaline and cortisol. NEVERTHELESS SHE PERSISTED!

I'll be staying with rig friend Angie and her family in Paris, and seeing rig Aaron there too. He messaged me yesterday and said, "so do you want to see museums and such? Or I can show you my favorite brasseries?" I said, "I've been to Paris, I'd just like to day drink honestly." Luckily he is on board, shawoooooooo. Oddly there's no WiFi on this train like they said there would be, but it's not that bad because it's so smooth and comfortable and I still have my audiobook. Will post this blog sometime later when the WiFi shows up. Cross your fingers that I get the romantic countryside train ride I pined for. And happy weekend!!!

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jungkookienoona · 6 years

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The Meme and His Tutor

Part 42: The Time The Tutor Experienced Something New

Co-written with @jiminieblush

Recommended Song: Eclipse by Kim Lip (LOOΠΔ/김립)

|Masterlist|

Summary:

Erotic ice pops, eating peaches and snooping around lead to a very interesting day.

Genre: Fluff, comedy

Pairing: Jungkook X Reader (Y/N)

Warnings: Swearing, Sexual content

Word Count: 5525

Length: 42/?

You closed the front door behind you before setting Miri down on the floor and letting her lead, having just come back from walking her. The pup scampered across the room towards her food bowl, understandably hungry after the exercise. Your own stomach rumbled so you went to the fridge to see what you could find for a light lunch.

Should you make enough for two? Since Jungkook said he would be over at around lunch time with some newfound information he wanted to share. You wondered what it could've been. Figuring he'd be coming from the company building and therefore probably been practicing, you grabbed enough ingredients for the both of you. Maybe a simple stir fry would be nice and warm you up from the walk in the cooler air.

Speaking of cooler, you glanced at your freezer. You had seen a tutorial on tumblr on how to make... phallic shaped ice pops. So you tried your hand at it using one of your new dildos, the biggest one. The theory was: if it went well, then you could use it to practice blowjobs. The problem, of course, is that the ice pop would melt and shrink. But it would make a nice snack.

You set a pan on the stove and starting prepping some vegetables. After dumping them into the pan to cook, you went back to the freezer and grabbed one of the ice pops. Or should you say...dick pop. It was nice to see the pops had turned out the way you hoped. Though their size intimidated you... Since they didn't have plastic wrappers, you kept all the different flavours in a freezer bag.

Hm, the orange flavoured one looked rather appetising. Taking it out, you couldn't help but giggle. It kind of looked like a glass dildo. You remembered what the shop assistant had explained about glass dildos and how part of the appeal of glass sex toys was temperature play. Glass toys could be placed in freezers so they're cold and ice would not be needed. You couldn't really say you had much of an opinion on them since you hadn't even used a normal dildo yet. But the thought sent a chill down your spine.

Giving the ice pop a quick suck, you deemed the vegetables ready for noodles. Opening the fridge, you grabbed a small container of ready-to-fry egg noodles and your dark soy sauce. You kept all your sauces in the fridge. After adding the noodles and the sauce, you gave the pan a stir and altered the heat so it wouldn't burn.

As the temperature in the kitchen rose, the ice pop began melting more rapidly and you soon felt the stick becoming sticky with juice. It was just as you were about to wipe your fingers when there was a knock at the door followed by a bark.

"The door is unlocked!" You shouted.

You removed the pan from the hob and dished the contents into 2 bowls.

The sound of the door opening made the fact Jungkook was about to witness you sucking on a dick pop come to the forefront of your mind. Shit. You didn't think this through.

"Hey, pretty girl..."

There was an excited bark followed by the thunk of what you assumed was Jungkook's shoes hitting the floor.

You wrapped your lips around the ice pop, teeth gripping it slightly as you carried the bowls over to the table. Padding feet made their way into the kitchen area and Jungkook's familiar chuckle greeted your ears.

"Aren't ice lollies normally a dessert or a hot day treat?"

You removed said treat from your lips, "I got a bit peckish."

Jungkook's jaw dropped as his wide eyes stared at your chosen snack.

"Is that... a dick?"

You locked eyes. "Maybe."

He blinked and stepped closer so you popped the treat back in your mouth.

"Let me see," he said, taking hold of your wrist and pulling to release the lolly.

You fought to keep your wrist in place, tongue working over the icy surface hoping that it would melt into a less incriminating shape. But alas, Jungkook won the battle.

"It is! Noo-Jagi, why do you have dick shaped ice lollies? And huge ones at that?!"

You had to come up with an excuse fast. Sending a quick mental apology to Chubs you decided she would be your scapegoat.

"Chubs got them for me..."

Silence. He licked his lips and scratched his cheek before finally speaking.

"C-Chubs got them for you...?"

You nodded. She hadn't, not really anyway. She'd sent you a link to the moulding supplies and mentioned making them so you'd found the tutorial on Tumblr. But it was easier to blame her than explain your plan.

"Y-yeah... I think I'll just finish this later otherwise the stir fry will get cold."

He nodded, somewhat awkwardly, then let go of your wrist in favour of seating himself at the table. Maybe a little too quickly. You shrugged off his behaviour and opened a draw to get a freezer bag. Since the ice pop was already partially melted you didn't want it sticking to the others.

After putting it back, you asked if he wanted a drink while opening the fridge door. He didn't reply and you turned around to find him staring at the freezer, lip caught between his teeth as if in deep thought.

"BunBun?"

He shook his head, as if snapping out of a daze. "Huh? What?"

"Are you thirsty?"

He shook his head again and crossed his arms.

"What? No. Why would I be thirsty? Of course not..."

You shrugged. "I was just wondering..."

You grabbed a can of Pepsi and joined Jungkook at the table. Subconsciously, your tongue swept along your lips to pick up the remaining sticky residue from the ice pop before picking up your chopsticks. You took a mouthful of vegetables and looked up to find Jungkook mid-chew and staring at you with wide eyes.

You quickly chewed the food in your mouth and swallowed.

"What is it? Do you not like It?"

He gulped down his own mouthful. "No! It's great Jagi... I'm just... rather... daydreamy today."

"Oh?" You raised a brow, "what's on your mind?"

"Just comeback stuff."

You narrowed your brows, noticing the way his voice cracked on the last word.

"Are you sure?" You reached across the table to hold his hand. "You can always talk to me."

His lip was once again caught between his teeth, probably thinking if he should tell you.

"Jungkook, baby, you can talk to me about anything."

And just like that he blurted out, "I'm hard cause you were sucking on that fucking ice dick!"

You felt your jaw drop as you stared at each other in silence. He cleared his throat and shovelled a heap of noodles into his mouth.

Lowering your gaze to your bowl, you pushed around your food.

"So you're...like, turned on right now."

"Uh... yeah... sorry..."

You stifled a giggle.

He scratched the back of his neck, a nervous habit of his. "Which reminds me, I did a bit of research and I found something out..."

"What was it?"

His cheeks reddened as he too started playing with his food. "When aroused enough... a woman's... womanhood can expand by 200%. So if you were 2 inches, when turned on you would be 6 inches... I think... Maths isn't my strong suit."

Heat instantly rose to your cheeks until they matched his.

"Y-you looked that up?"

"I was worried about it! And I know you were too. So now we don't have to."

You managed a smile and took his hand again.

"I guess that is...comforting."

He returned your smile and you went back to eating, though you ended up nearly choking thanks to what he said next.

"By the way, Kitten, if you ever want something to suck on, I have something between my thighs that might satisfy you."

You struck his calf with your foot beneath the table and coughed to clear your throat.

"Doesn't taste so good though."

He pouted, "Flavoured condoms are a thing that exist."

"Still wouldn't be as refreshing."

He flicked a pea at you. "You're such a tease."

You threw him a smirk before tucking into your food before it had a chance to get cold.

After eating, Jungkook had moved into your living room to watch one of your Marvel dvds while you washed up in the kitchen. It kind of amused you how he was becoming more open about sexual topics, seemingly becoming more confident after the blow job despite your admitted fear of his size. And you took a moment to evaluate your position too. Admittedly, you were proud of yourself for every step of progress being made. Things were good. Life was good. And most importantly, you were happy.

With that in mind, you finished drying the last item then reclaimed your 'dick pop' from the freezer. A nice refreshing treat to enjoy during the film... and torture Jungkook further. You had to admit, you were curious as to how much self restraint he had and how he would deal with any... arising issues... You went into the living room and awed at the sight of Miri curled up on Jungkook's lap chewing on her favourite toy. The sound alerted him of your presence and he frowned at treat in your mouth. You simply smiled and plopped down next to him, lifting his arm and cuddling against his side.

"Couldn't you have waited to finish that until after I had left?"

You released the lolly with a 'pop'. "Nope. It tastes too good."

A drop of the juice from the melting treat trickled down the side of it, causing your to trail you tongue up its length to catch it before it could make your hand sticky. There was a sigh and he shifted causing Miri to look around at him, her sweet face obviously annoyed.

"Just don't watch me eat it if you're getting uncomfortable."

"But I can hear you sucking on it too. It almost sounds like porn. And did you realise you've been quietly moaning as you do so?"

"No I haven't!" You exclaimed. "You must be imagining it."

"Am not!"

You pouted and rest your head on his shoulder. "It's hard not to make noises when eating an ice lolly.”

He let out what sounded like a pained groan then moved Miri off his lap to next to you.

"Thinking about it, I'm still hungry. I'm gonna raid your fridge."

With Miri no longer covering his lap, you couldn't not notice he had a not so little problem as he got up and made his way to the kitchen. Patting your thighs, Miri made herself comfy on your lap and you ran your hand through her fluff wondering what Jungkook would find in your fridge. Though you didn't have to wait long. Soon he was coming back with a little dish and plopped down beside you.

"What you got there?"

He smirked. "A nice juicy peach to eat."

You peeked into the dish and saw he had a peach cut in half with the seed removed. You didn't even know you had peaches. Though the innuendo wasn't missed on you.

You turned your gaze to the Thor film on the TV and went back to sucking on your ice pop. An over the top moan caught your attention.

"It tastes so sweet."

From the corner of your eye you could see his wasn't biting into it. Instead he was licking and sucking at an individual piece. It reminded you of those porn gifs that sometimes appeared on your tumblr dash.

Another moan. Without looking you nudged him in the side.

"Stop it..."

He turned to you with wide innocent eyes, peach juice covering his lips and chin. "Stop what Kitten?"

"Stop eating out a peach slice!"

"Only when you stop blowing your dick lolly!"

He raised a brow when you huffed and licked the lolly stubbornly.

"You're just jealous it's not you."

Knowing the he was looking at you, you tried to fit as much of the ice pop into your mouth as possible... which made you start choking. Probably wasn't your smartest idea but it seemed to have the desired effect.

"Jesus, fuck." Jungkook groaned.

He set his dish on the coffee table and stole your frozen treat from you, making it join his abandoned peach.

"You're covered in juice."

"So are you."

His hand cupped the back of your neck, drawing you closer to him, "Wanna help me clean up?"

You could smell the sickly sweetness of the fruit and closed the gap between you, pecking his lips then licking your own.

"Hmm... I'm not sure if orange and peach go well together."

His hands went to your hips and pulled you onto his lap. The commotion had Miri jumping off the sofa and making her way to her bed.

"Who gives a shit."

Okay. Where did this Jungkook come from?

Any answers to the question were dismissed from your mind the second his lips connected with yours. The kiss was a world away from the previous peck. One hand travelled to the back of your neck, holding you to him as he deepened the kiss. If you were to be completely honest with yourself, you had never been kissed like that before. Hell, your ex had never ever been as intense as Jungkook. If he did the do with the intensity of how he kissed... you were going to have your world shaken when the time came.

You broke the kiss for a breath and swiped your thumb across his chin, gathering the remaining sticky juice then licking it off. He held your gaze all the while, eyes burning with an unfamiliar intensity that had your stomach doing flips.

"Stop being such a goddamn tease, Kitten."

Well... you would never see that nickname the same way again.

"Do you call me Kitten when you're turned on?"

He licked his lips. "Think you know the answer to that already."

And, boy, did you. You could feel his hardness pressing against your inner thigh and let out a small gasp when his thighs suddenly tensed beneath you. God you loved his thighs. A quiet moan was drawn out from you when he used his grip on your hips to make you grind down against him. Was he having you ride his thighs?

You weren't oblivious to the effects he was having on you already. How your flush extended from head to toe, heart pounding in anticipation of his next move. He caught you in yet another kiss, hands still encouraging you to rock against him. Your hands left his neck to grip the hem of your thick sweater and hike it up to around your chest. You broke apart for a split second as you pulled the item off and tossed it aside.

"Oh man holy shit."

You giggled. "You say that like you didn't have to dress me when my elbow was broken."

"We were only friends then. I couldn't allow myself to think of you as I do now."

You gave him a disbelieving look, smirking as he became a bit sheepish.

"Well... there was the time your onesie was undone... and you didn't have a bra on... and I saw. Which is why I had a shower."

You giggled and pressed a kiss to his crimson cheek.

"I knew something was up...pardon the pun."

He groaned and rest his head against your shoulder.

"I felt so guilty."

"For unzipping my onesie in your sleep or for getting off to me in the shower?"

He playfully bit the junction between your shoulder and neck but not hard enough to leave a mark.

"Don't be rude, you'll kill the mood."

You gripped the hair at the base of neck and tugged at it until he was looking up at you. A faint moan slipped through his lips as you repeated the action and rolled your hips slowly against his again.

"Dare to leave a mark on me and I'll be as rude as I want, baby."

His head tipped back as his hips thrusted up to meet yours.

"Oh? Do you like being called Baby?"

A snap of his hips seemed as if to answer your question. His eyes fluttered open and settled on your chest.

"C-can I touch...?"

"I-I don't..." You swallowed. "Just don't take my bra off."

He nodded obediently and captured you in a fleeting kiss before moving his lips to your jaw and began littering feather light kisses down your neck to chest.

"I'm so fucking lucky. You're beautiful."

If it weren't for the fact you were already flushed, you probably would've turned red at his words.

"I love you." You whispered, running your fingers through his hair.

"I love you too, Kitten."

He placed a kiss on the swell of your breast, a hand snaking up to cup the other. You were pretty sure you felt his tongue sneak out as he trailed his lips back up to your neck. A shiver tingled down your spine as goosebumps bloomed across your skin. All the hairs on your body stood on end as the pad of his thumb brushed over your hardened nipple which had become visible through the thin material of the bra you wore.

The more attention he littered your neck with the more wanton mewls slipped past your lips. You returned the favour by shifting to grind directly down onto his hard on resulting in his own groans getting smothered in your neck.

"Fuck that feels good."

The hand that was still on your hip reached round to grip your ass. His breaths grew shorter, sharper, with every roll of your hips against his. And you would be lying if you said that you weren't so turned on that you couldn't see yourself stopping until the tension in your stomach finally snapped.

Your legs started to shake as the knot in you tighten. That was new. You hadn't felt that before. Could it be that... you were about to cum?

"Oh fuck... Kookie."

He pulled away only to go straight for your lips as he palmed your breast and kneaded your ass.

"Please tell me you're close, Kitten. I don't think I'll last much longer."

"I-I think-k so-"

The sudden sharp thrust of his hips up into yours sent moans spilling from your lips.

"C-cum with m-me.”

Your hips seemed to gain a mind of their own as they sped up against his, chasing your first release. You found yourself whining as the tension increased. How much more would it take? Jungkook took advantage of your parted lips to capture them again and kiss you deeply, his tongue caressing your own. Your fingers fisted his hair, pulling hard enough to definitely hurt, while simultaneously the grip on your ass tightened.

"Shit! I-I'm gonna-"

"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck."

Jungkook's hips stuttered against your own, head falling to your shoulder when he finally came with a cry of your name. But still, his hold on your never loosened as he rode out his orgasm and determined to make you join him in his blissed state. One final high pitched whine from you and the tension finally released. Holy shit. You just came. You came for the first time and it was via dry humping with your top off. It almost felt like something that should've happened during your secondary school years.

You could feel the quaking of your thighs and the warmth between them. You pressed your face into Jungkook's hair as the two of you caught your breath and reality filtered back in.

He'd stopped all movements and wound both arms around your lower back, rubbing soothing circles on your bare skin.

"So... you're an... ass man." You managed to get out and felt his chuckle vibrate against you.

"Of course, but breasts are good too. And both of them are equally good when it comes to you."

You giggled and hugged his neck. The silence that ensued was far from comfortable as the realisation that the two of you had just dry humped to the point of orgasm dawned on you.

"Maybe we should...uh, change..."

"Yeah... we probably should... I can't believe I came in my pants like a horny teen."

You shuffled back a bit to grin down at him. "I can't believe I came. Nearly 2 years in a sexual relationship and that had never happened before."

A cocky smirk appeared on Jungkook's face. "And I didn't even have to touch you down there to make it happen."

Unsure how to answer without inflating his ego further, you pecked his cheek then climbed off his lap, pulling your discarded sweater back on.

Ew. You definitely needed to change. He followed you into the bedroom where he found a pair of clean sweats in one of your drawers and went into the bathroom to change. After grabbing some fresh undies and jeans, you flopped onto your bed. Your legs felt almost like jelly thanks to the effects of your orgasm and straddling Jungkook's lap for such a period of time. The hard thumping of your heart against your ribs had finally calmed down and you let out a sigh. So that was what you had been missing out on.

It didn't seem as amazing as fanfictions had made you believe. But then again, when you had been doing research on orgasms, you did come across something that said ones caused by just clit stimulation were less... powerful. The sound of the toilet flushing pulled you from your thoughts and you sat up as Jungkook walked in the room. He was holding his balled up jeans and underwear and you told him to leave them in your hamper. He didn't bring a bag with him and didn't want the other members noticing his messed clothes in fear of another round of teasing.

You hopped off your bed and went into the bathroom to change. The weird feeling in your legs having disappeared when waiting for Jungkook to finish. You quickly cleaned up and dressed then went back into the bedroom only to find it empty. After dropping your dirty clothes in the hamper, you checked in the kitchen and found him discarding of his half-eaten peach in the bin.

"What a waste of food. How dare you distract me from eating to make out."

Jungkook jumped, startled by your voice.

"You took your sweet time changing.”

You shrugged. "Had to clean up."

He nodded and went to the sink to pour away your melted ice lolly. He went to turn on the tap and you made a noise of protest.

"Just leave it. I'll clean up."

"You said it was my fault you never got to finish your lolly so let me at least wash one bowl."

He had a point.

"Fine."

He grinned at you and turned on the tap, waiting for the water to heat up.

"By the way, while you were changing I had time to snoop around and found something rather interesting."

Oh god. Please not the dildos. Please not the dildos!

"I don't know what they're called," he started, brows pinched together in confusion. "But it's one of those things that goes around your waist and laces up at the back..."

You let out a breath. "You mean a corset?"

He repeated the word then nodded. "Yeah!”

Your cheeks flushed but relief flooded through you that he hadn't found your other little collection.

"Oh those... I started getting the when I was 15. My mum bought my very first one. Most of them are fashion corsets but one is for waist training."

He raised a brow in interest.

"Aren't they painful to wear? And why would you want your waist to be smaller. It's perfect as it is."

"You kind of get used to them... though it's annoying you can't slouch. As for the waist training one... I bought that one cause it was pretty and on sale. I don't do it up as tight as you're meant to."

You self-consciously played with the hem of your sweater. It was strange having to explain your corsets to someone. Most people assumed you bought them for spicing up your sex life, your ex included. But in truth you bought them because you loved how they looked.

Jungkook quickly washed up the dish, putting it on the drying rack and turned to face you, "There's one I thought was very pretty. It was black with segments of red floral patterns. It looked like it was a halter neck with clasps at the front."

You knew the one he meant. That one was your favourite one. His face lit up when you told him so.

"I can see why...they'd look great with those leather trousers that make your butt look great."

You averted your eyes away from him, the heat in your cheeks growing, "M-maybe I'll let you see me wear it one day... with some makeup too...”

His smile grew to reveal his dimple and you felt a shy smile upon your own lips.

"If you wanted to."

You weren't that confident in your body, preferring to wear baggy clothes to hide yourself. Curse the harsh words that were thrown at you as a child, you still couldn't grow past them. But you could almost imagine the outfit in your mind. The leather trousers and the corset paired with your leather jacket and boots finished off with a light dusting of dark coloured makeup.

You nodded with a touch more confidence.

"I will. One day."

"One day..." He drawled, inching his way closer to you. "Is that day soon?"

You shrugged. "It's a surprise."

His hands came to rest on your waist to draw you closer to him, "Hmm, is that so? I can't wait to see how it would look on you. I bet it would look ten times sexier when you're wearing it."

You hooked your arms around his neck and gave a half-hearted shrug.

"I guess you'll have to wait and see."

He chuckled and pecked you on the lips.

"Don't think about it too hard," you said, mouth quirking into a smirk. "I don't have another pair of trousers for you to change into."

It was his turn to shrug. "I could always take these off. After all, you didn't get to finish your ice dick."

You gasped and lightly pinched the back of his neck.

"In your dreams, Baby."

He kissed your forehead, "For now. I won't rush you into anything. But don't think I've forgotten that I still need to return the favour for what you did the other day."

"You did. You cooked me dinner."

He moved his head beside yours until you could feel the warmth of his breath ghost over the shell of your ear.

"Remember earlier? How good it felt to finally cum? The pleasure, the release." You gulped. "Don't you want to feel that again, but more? That'll be me returning the favour properly."

A shiver travelled down your spine, sorely tempted to take him up on the offer. But god dammit you had already done something sexual today. You weren't some horny fucking teenager.

"H-how ab-bout another day?"

He lifted his head and grinned.

"Whenever you're ready."

Honestly you didn't know where this new side of Jungkook was coming from. You were used to seeing him being confident and sexy on stage. Was this new development his stage persona bleeding into his normal everyday self? Or had he always been like this but was just hiding it? You really couldn't tell. Either way you were going to have to accept that your sweet BunBun was one teasing fucker.

"Pervert."

You couldn't help yourself, it just slipped out.

"Says the girl who writes porn about me."

"It's not porn!"

"It's literary porn."

You stepped back and crossed your arms over your chest.

"Porn is made for people to get off to. My smut serves a difference purpose. You know that."

"Only people who know you or ask know that. I must admit when I read that 'vampire au' oneshot you wrote... it very much seemed like porn to me."

He had read... he had read your very first smut. The smut that you had since deleted. He had read that piece of shit full of errors and tense changes. You wanted to die.

You turned your back to him and covered your face with your hands with an embarrassed squeal. His giggles filled the room and you felt a pair of hands on your shoulders.

"Aww~ is someone embarrassed."

You gave a muffled "yes" and resisted his efforts to turn you around and face him. Once he realised he couldn't get you to face him, he opted for hugging you from behind.

"Jagi~ when are you going to re-upload it?"

"Never."

"Why not~" he whined. "I liked it."

He... liked it?

"It was a piece of garbage. I wanted to rewrite it but I don't have the inspiration like I did before."

"Oh, Jagi~" he sighed, and when he went to peel your hands off your face you let him. "I know the feeling. How disappointing it can be when you want to write but can't. I'm always here if you want some help."

You nodded and turned around. "Chubs has tried to help me but I just can't bring myself to start it again."

He nuzzled into your neck, his breath fanning against the sensitive skin there. "I don't think she can help you the same way I can," and with that he nipped at your neck.

Another shiver went down your spine. Curse your weak points.

"Are... are you suggesting... acting... it out...?"

He hummed, the vibrations going straight through you. "If you think that would help."

Be strong. You had to be strong. Why was he being such a tease? You should've hidden your corsets better. If he hadn't of found them then the entire conversation would've happened.

"So you're a kinky pervert. If only I had known that before agreeing to date you."

"I doubt that would have changed your mind."

What was that supposed to mean? Before you could ask, his lips left your neck and he stepped back leaving you suddenly cold without his warmth. His hand went to his back pocket and pulled out his vibrating phone.

"Ah shit. I forgot I needed to be at the dorm tonight. We have to be up early to film the MV."

And, suddenly, the fangirl in you was awake.

"Really?!" He nodded. "Then go! Go home and get some rest and eat a good dinner or whatever you do the night before a filming."

You'd started ushering him towards the door making him stumble and giggle.

"Cute." He pouted, "Ah, I hate that I'm going to be busy for the next couple of days. Your time is gonna be all taken up soon as well as mine."

You pecked him on the cheek. "I know but ARMY is waiting for you. Now get moving."

You smacked his butt as he bent over to put his shoes on earning you a glare.

"Do that again and I'll stay."

You gave him a sweet smile and picked up Miri who had trotted into the room to say goodbye.

"Miri, say bye to appa."

Jungkook stopped mid way through putting on a timberland to stare at you.

"What?"

"You told her to say bye to appa..."

You smiled. "She's our baby. You said so the day I moved in. You may have corrected yourself, but you were right."

He quickly slipped his foot into the boot and tied the lace. Standing up straight he cradled your face in his hands and peck you on the lips.

"I swear you do something that makes me fall deeper for you every day."

You swore your heart melted into a puddle at your feet.

"I feel the same."

Your lips met again in a sweet tender kiss only to be broken by the feel of something wet against your chin.

"Ew~" you wiped away the spit making Jungkook laugh.

"I don't think our baby likes it when we kiss."

He patted the pup on the head with a smile. You could almost feel the happiness radiating off him.

"Maybe I should move in with you so that I can spend as much time with my two favourite girls as possible."

Your heart rate picked up, "Don't people normally date for a year or two before deciding to move in with each other?"

He laughed when your jaw dropped in shock and cupped your cheek.

"I'm only joking. It's a bit too soon for that."

You scrunched your nose, "If I die of a heart attack I'm blaming you."

He laughed again and with one final kiss, he was waving goodbye with a sweet, "I love you~"

You lifted Miri's paw to wave goodbye.

"We love you too~"

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