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daydreamgoddess14 · 9 months

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Support System pt. 9

Roy Kent x Reader - domestic fluff and hints of further spice to come 😍

CH1 | CH 2 | CH 3 | CH 4 | CH 5 | CH 6 | CH 7 | CH 8

MASTERLIST

~~~~~~~~

You're enjoying the hottest shower you can bear and also not looking forward to going back to your poor water pressure trickle when he taps on the door.

"Why you knocking?" You laugh over the pounding water.

"Don't want to catch you doing something you don't want me to know about, " he says with a wink. You turn the shower off and step into the towel he's holding out. "Your phones been going mad, I hope you don't mind but I wanted to check it wasn't Lexie?"

"Thank you, course I don't." You take the phone and look through the notifications. "Lots from your sister, she's seen the red carpet pictures… shit, the pictures!" You keep scrolling, reaching with your other hand to hold onto his t-shirt. He takes you hand and kisses the palm. "Ah. Here we go." You hold it up to show him. A slew of messages and missed calls from Andy.

"Fuck. What a knob. Come on, I've made tea. Do you want to read them while I get angry or the other way around?"

"Ooh we can switch and both get angry."

"Can't do that, you look really hot when you're mad and we haven't got enough time for that."

"Uhh you need talk? Jamie asked me last night if permanent concussion was a thing from all the times you've headbutted him." He holds his hands up, backing out the door.

"I deny everything." He leaves you to pull on some leggings and one of his Richmond t-shirts (no name on the back). You bounce down the stairs, your heels from the night before discarded at the bottom. Your dress had been left there too but Roy's obviously rescued it and draped it over the back of the sofa.

"Thank you for saving the dress." You tiptoe to kiss his cheek.

"It's only down here so I can put it on you again and then take it back off."

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't think we had time for that this morning?" You tease. You sit up on one of the barstools and he steps between your legs, holding out a piece of toast.

"We don't, but I can look at it and dream." He sneaks a kiss before passing your breakfast and moves to stand behind you.

"I see what you're doing, feed me, put me in a good mood before I have to read these stupid messages?"

"Is it working?" He kisses your neck.

"No."

"Yes," a laugh which makes you shiver.

"Fine, yes. OK, what have we got…" You unlock the phone and open Andy’s contact page. "Ready?" He nods into your shoulder.

" Now I see why you said no to getting back together. Starting tame, also he's not wrong. I'll allow it. You look like a slag in that dress. Juicy, god I haven't heard the word slag for years!" Roy growls. " I'm guessing Lexie doesn't know. She will when she wakes up. Hmm. OK. I mean, she likes you so I think we can cope with that situation. I think she'll be OK?"

"She's a fucking great kid, smart as hell. She'll be OK." He assures you.

"There's more. He must have been pretty drunk by these I think. Bet he can't even fuck you with that dodgy knee. Uhhh, better than anyone. Ever. Ever." You feel his grin against your neck. "Don't get a big head."

"Not my head." He laughs, his beard and warm breath tickling you.

"Ohhh stop doing that. Moving on. I'm sorry you dint really look like a slut. or slag. Ah, spelling and memory are becoming an issue. Oh god, he's back to sex. No idea why, he has literally zero to brag about. can't believe that wanker gets to fuck you in that dress bitch I wud fuk u better. Wow, that one is a real mess. Its the last one, I'm guessing he passed out after that because that last bit is just wishful thinking on his part."

"Didn't he have Lexie?"

"She went to his mums I think, he was going to the West Ham match."

"Good fucking job, if I find out he's getting wasted while she's with him-" You spin the seat around to face him again,

"You'll do nothing. I'll rip his dick off with my bare hands though."

"Fuck me, you're hot when you're angry."

"I should go and get her. I just need to check where from. Are you with Jamie today?"

"Yeah, but I can see him later if you want me to come with you?"

"I'll be OK. How shall we tell her? Do you want to be there?"

"Your call babe, whatever you think she'd prefer? I'd rather not scare the shit out of her."

"I'll get her and go back to mine. You could come over when you're done later if you want? If she asks me, I won't lie to her but if she doesn't, then we can tell her together? I'll cook for you for a change."

"Perfect. Do me a favour?"

"Anything."

"Wear this when you pick her up." He traces over your heart where it turns out, his name is on the shirt embroidered above the Richmond logo.

"Baby, I would turn up in a full kit with your name on the back. Knee socks included, and football boots, just to piss him off." He kisses you fiercely,

"Now you're just talking dirty to me," he mutters.

"Yep, you love it. Come on, I bet Jamie's dying for gossip and I've got to get going." You text Andy while throwing only the important things in your bag. You're sure you've left a breadcrumb trail of your belongings around the house, but you know Roy won't mind. You head out together, the walk taking you both in the same direction for much of the journey. "Did you need to do anything about the photos?"

"Nah, no point in retracting them now and you look fit so the whole world can see them for all I care."

"Including your mum."

"Including my m-, shit, yeah I'd better call her. And your parents? Are they gonna wonder what the fucks going on?"

"I'll take Lexie round that way on our way home I think. Appease them."

"Nice one. Right, this is the Tartt's palace. See you later. Good luck, don't fucking kill him without me there to watch."

"Hmm I'll try. Don't make Jamie vom, he was trying really hard not to get too drunk last night but I don't think he was very successful."

"Story of his life. Love you." You smile up at him,

"Love you too." Jamie has the door open before Roy's even hallway through the gate, waving at you. You wave back and carry on up to Andy’s mum's house. She had been largely on your side up to now, annoyed with Andy for breaking up the family and worried that she'd see less of Lexie because of it. You'd reassured her repeatedly, taken Lexie in for tea on the way home from school, picked up bits of shopping for her and gently tried to let her know that nothing had to change between them. You weren't so sure that would be the case this morning.

~~~~~~~~

Andy’s car was on the drive so you braced yourself.

"Darling girl, come in! Tea?"

"Hi Daph, yes please. I've only had time for one this morning." So far, so good.

"Sore head?" She asked knowingly.

"Not too bad. I suspect someone else is more hungover than me."

"You're not wrong. Did he give you crap?"

"A bit. How was Lex?"

"Oh golden, we had a lovely night. She's none the wiser by the way." She leads you from your hushed conversation in the hallway to her kitchen where Lexie sat eating breakfast and Andy hovered with a coffee in hand.

"Morning poppet, did you have a good night with Gran?"

"Yeah, we watched the new Matilda film!"

"And she hasn't stopped singing the songs yet!" Lexie grinned at her Gran.

"Show me later. Did you do your homework with Dad?" She nodded through a mouthful of cereal. Andy had yet to acknowledge you so far. "Shall we pop and see Nanny and Pop-pop on the way home?" Her face lights up, Andy grunts from the corner of the room.

"Something to tell the folks eh?"

"Nothing we haven't already talked about." You quickly come up with the white lie. You don't want him to have the satisfaction that you're on clean up duty today. Lexie finishes her breakfast, puts her bowl in the sink and gives Daph a big hug.

"Thank you Gran."

"Anytime pickle. Have a lovely week at school."

"And bye to Dad?" You prompt her, finishing your tea. You manage to leave without being cornered by Andy, it's pretty clear that his mum has told him to keep his mouth shut, so the short distance to your parents is a happy one. Your dad is already in the garden checking his plants and you can see your mum in the kitchen window beaming at Lexie. "Morning!" You call out, Lexie runs straight in so you go to your dad first. "Hiya dad."

"Morning poppet," the same nickname you use for Lexie makes you smile. "Saw the paper."

"Hmm I thought you might have."

"Isn't he an almighty arsehole? I saw him on Sky Sports news, proper miserable bugger." You laugh at your dad's straight to the point question.

"I still need to talk to Lexie, so I can't really talk about it too much, but he's so lovely dad. He's a grumpy fucker but he loves me, and Lexie too. It's early days, but he makes me very happy." Your dad stays quiet, just a grunt of acknowledgement.

"I'll see about that. You'll bring him?"

"Soon, let's get the season finished first. It's a busy couple of weeks."

"Any luck on the job front?"

"Not yet."

"I hope you're not planning on just letting him support you? I didn't raise you like that."

"Dad! Course I'm not!" It stings a bit that he'd even ask that. You leave him to his tomato plants and go in to your mum.

"Morning, love. Good night?"

"Yeah, thank you." Lexie is distracted by the baking your mum has already started, "you're not going to ask if I'm in it for the money as well are you?" Your mum laughs,

"Don't be daft. Nice t-shirt," she notes. "Does the situation make you happy?" She asks cryptically for Lexie's benefit.

"Very."

"Well that's enough for me for now. More details to follow though please. And you looked beautiful, my sweetheart."

"Thank you."

"He's very handsome. The only reason I'd put up with your dad watching Sky Sports news, really. Don't tell him I said that."

"I'm not telling either of them. Don't want him leaving me for my hot mum!" You stay long enough for Lexie the bottomless pit to have one of your mums famed apple muffins and pack up a couple to take for Roy, thankful that they can't ask too much with Lexie around. You plan to walk home via the park so text Sara who meets you with Phoebe.

"How did the parental rounds go? Roy called this morning, said you'd have to deal with Andy's mum as well?"

"The mums are fine, I think. Turns out he's got a good fanbase in older women."

"Oh that'll be his yoga women theory rumbled then. So confident they have no idea who he is! Like their husbands aren't all glued to weekend football."

"My dad asked if I was a golddigger."

"Ouch, rude!"

"Just making sure I'm not throwing my career away."

"What career?" She sniggers.

"Oi, cheek!"

"You looked so great together last night. The pictures were amazing."

"It didn't even cross my mind that they'd get attention like that. I wasn't expecting damage control this morning, or to have to tell those two so soon." You look over at where the girls are playing.

"Phebs hasn't mentioned it yet, but it won't take long. You haven't got to see the playground parents tomorrow have you? That'll be fun, they love a bit of extracurricular shagging!"

"No, she's at breakfast club thankfully! I'm going to tell her this afternoon."

"Good idea, gotta do it before anyone else can." You say goodbye with plans to watch the following week's Man City game together with the girls and to catch up in the week at school.

~~~~~~~~

You're considering tackling the mountain of washing and more job applications when the front door knocks. Lexie, who's been quiet all morning, jumps up to open it. You can just about see the front door from the kitchen, so the first thing you see is Roy handing Lexie a bunch of pink tulips.

"For me?" She squeaks, "really?"

"Is that OK?"

"Only mum has ever brought me flowers before! Mum! Roy brought me flowers!" She rushes in to show you, shaking the bunch in her little fist.

"Oh honey, they're beautiful! Shall I help you put them in water?"

"Can you do it? I'm making friendship bracelets."

"'Scuse me?"

"Pleaseee?"

"That's better, yes, I can do that for you." She puts the flowers on the table and runs back to the living room, high fiving Roy on the way past. "Someone is on the charm offensive."

"Oh big time," he pulled another bunch from behind his back, peonies.

"How did you know?"

"Dunno what you're talking about." He checked the door before kissing you lightly, you cock your head to one side, "alright yeah, Lexie told me last week when you were out shopping with Sar."

"I knew you were a softy really."

"Only for you, don't get destroying my fucking tough man image."

"I wouldn't dream of it. I like that side too. Did you make Jamie vomit?"

"Unfortunately no. Did you kill anyone?"

"Unfortunately no. Bad mornings all round." He hasn't moved from your side yet and keeps looking to the door. "I think you're safe. She's making Richmond coloured bracelets for the match, we're watching with your mum and sister."

"So I've heard, means I'd better tell my mum about you then." At the knowledge that you shouldn't be interrupted for a few moments, he takes the opportunity to crowd you against the counter and really kiss you. You tilt your head to give you both better access and he sweeps his tongue over your bottom lip before biting it. The small gesture sends a wave of pleasure through your body and your hands go to the hem of his t-shirt of their own accord. You slide them just underneath enough to feel the warm skin on his stomach. The lightest scratch of your nails so close to the waistband of his jeans makes him growl into the kiss. "I've got to stop," he groans, pulling away from you. You can't help the desperate, needy moan at the loss of contact, and the look he gives you from that sound alone is enough to leave you trembling. You take a second to get your breath back and go back to sorting out the flowers. "Has she asked?" He questions once it feels safe enough to talk again.

"Not yet. I'm going to go and talk to her, you're welcome to come with me?" He squeezes your hand reassuringly but makes sure to let it go once you're in the living room. "Hey, Lex? I need to tell you some that you might end up hearing about from someone else, I wanted to be able to tell you first though?" She sits up and starts measuring your wrist for a friendship bracelet.

"Is it about Roy?"

"Uhh yeah, how did you know?" She shrugs,

"He's here. And he brought flowers." You nod,

"Right, of course. Yeah, it's about Roy. He asked me out to a fancy party last night. You might see some pictures of us-"

"Have you got them, can I see now?"

"Sure, I just need to get my phone." You're about to stand when Roy passes you his phone instead, and you see the lockscreen is one of the pictures from the night before. You hold it out to her,

"You guys look so cute." Roy grunts at being called 'cute', "It's true!" She says, taking up his wrist to measure him for a bracelet. "So he's like, your boyfriend?" You steal a quick look at him, his eyebrows raise in anticipation of your answer.

"Yeah. Is that ok?" Lexie shrugs,

"Sure, you're cooler than dad's new girlfriend but they broke up already. And now I get to meet footballers and hang out with Phoebe even more. She said we could be cousins and I told her I didn't have any so she said we should definitely do that. Can we?"

"Let's ummm… cousins is a very big step for you both. You really need to make sure you're ready so just slow down a bit there." Roy is sniggering at the big deal you've made cousins out to be, but Lexie is having none of it.

"Mum, I think we'd be OK. We're nearly 9. We're not babies. I think you should just be brave and let us do it."

"Thanks for that input bunny, I'll take the cousins thing super seriously, ok?" She accepts your suggestion and thankfully drops the conversation. In the safety of the kitchen, you lean into him and let his arms wrap around you. "That was so scary. Why are 8 year olds so fucking terrifying?!"

"You were the shit, I fucking loved that." He laughs, his chest rumbling against yours. You stand together until Roy's phone rings and disturbs you. "It's Phoebe. Alright love?" He asks her. You can hear the squeal through the phone but can't make out what she's actually saying. You move away from Roy and give him a big thumbs up and a: you got this ! He doesn't look convinced, despite you only just telling him how scary it was. You can only hear his side of the call. "Nan saw the pictures? Yeah it was a fucking great dress. Yeah alright, I owe you. Worth it. No, this doesn't mean you're cousins now. You can be cousins when I tell you so. Cos it'll be up to me! Phoebe, put nan on the phone. Mum? Yeah she's OK. I'll come and see you tomorrow. I will, love you." He hangs up and you wait. "Phoebe is suddenly obsessed with cousins and mum wanted to check you were ok." You smile,

"I think that went well then. All the mums are on board, all the kids, I'm claiming the win."

You cooked dinner, as promised and let Lexie watch a film with Roy afterwards while you packed her school bag and your work things. He left at her bedtime, leaving you with a kiss at the door.

"Maybe Roy could have a sleepover next time, mum," she said halfway to sleep, "but you can't steal all the covers or he'll get cold."

"Thanks poppet, I'll make sure I don't steal the covers."

~~~~~~~~

#ted lasso fanfiction #ted lasso fic #roy kent #roy kent imagine #roy kent smut #roy kent x reader #roy kent x you #roy kent fanfiction #roy kent fluff #roy kent fic

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docholligay · 10 days

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Do you think having such a personalized and detailed headcanon makes it harder to enjoy fic about the show/game that's written by others?

I mean sure, probably.

But unfortunately things I adore, for people named Doc who are me, fall into one of two buckets:

The character work and plot in this show are incredible, I find myself turning it around in my mind like a rotisserie chicken. I constantly discover new things about the show/book/game or the characters in it. I do not read fic about this, because why would I? Every answer I search for is in the text. I want to talk about this with someone, but about what is THERE, not what could be there. Ex: The Haunting of Hill House, Picnic at Hanging Rock, Piranesi, Bioshock:Infinite, Watership Down, Yellowjackets, among others.

The concepts of this could be amazing but are handled so fucking badly so consistently, in a shocking contrast to how INCONSISTENT the character work is, that all I want to do is steal it and make it better. All i want to do is turn it into something that doesn't suck ass when you look at it too hard. So I am going to take it SO seriously, and I am going to develop the rich inner lives for these characters that they lack, with intense backstories and families and motivation for how they got to be the person we know, or know sometimes, in certain episodes or shorts. Ex: Sailor Moon and Overwatch are the biggies here obviously, this is actually not an emotion I feel very often. I don't have intense backstories and extra-textual feelings and ideas about most of the stuff I read and watch, these two are just my Spiders Georg.

So! The odds on me being into something in the correct way to make me want to Seek Treasure Elsewhere but also I have a chill enough attitude about how the characters are that Any Dream Will Do is almost nil. I do not in ANY way mean this in a shady way, but I mostly read published adult fiction for entertainment and not fanfic. I am very picky about my fanfic. So, "plus these two new red and blue girls into Starbucks" often won't work for me, because the reasons to have Haruka and Michiru meet in a coffee shop are completely different from any of the reasons Fareeha and Angela might meet in a coffee shop, and so many of those types are archtypical plug and play stuff. Honestly, I have skated the idea of making a cheat sheet of fanon archetypes of various characters and buying a typewriter to sell 100-200 word 'quick fic' at cons with my sister. That's how common it is to use these archetypes. This is not a criticism! At all!

But, to take the two couples above, I have read so much BORING SHIT about both HM and FA that I could throw up. Lesbian couples have a lot of very milquetoast writing about them, and a lot of meet-cute which isn't really my bag.

But there are authors I love! @oathkeeper-of-tarth was and is one of the best harumichi writers out there and we don't even have all the same headcanons. The rare occasions @verbforverb decides to grace me with "Jewish Mercy I don't Have To Write" I pop a can of bubbly in the tub. And on both fields of battle @keyofjetwolf has stuff I've had bookmarked for years, and there are some things even within Rei's backstory and history that we disagree on.

Actually, to that point what I like is good writing. You can write me into believing nearly anything. There are things I believe about Amelie when I'm reading @lemon-embalmer's stuff that when I go back to my own world, aren't true, but when I'm in her world who the fuck cares, I'm having a great time. EVEN MORE to the point, I read @moonlight-frittata's stupid sun and moon lesbian League of Legends shit and I would rather shoot myslef than know ANYTHING about the game, but unfortunately she has a beautiful turn of phrase and plot flow to her work that I just....read anyway, because it is good. Fucking @tallangrycockatiel had me like 25 pages or so into a story before I was like, "OH SHIT, IS THIS SLASH??? WAIT I DON'T WANT TO READ ABOUT BOYS' LOVE!! NO!!" *hits next page* And I still could not care less about that podcast and would never listen to it, and if I did I would be massively disappointed because to my mind, her John and Arthur are the actual article, and whatever the fuck is going on in the source material can eat my dick.

So, yes, I DO think that having a very particular point of view is going to mean I back out of a story where like, "Lena stepped out of her Chelsea flat, custom leather high heels clicking against the step" sometimes, or, you know, "Haruka put down her copy of War and Peace, each meticulous note codified by a color-coded tab. Blue was for historical references to research, green for character analysis, yellow for themes, blah blah blah*" But I am actually shockingly open minded in what I will read, often to the point that I'm reading stuff from SHIT I DO NOT LIKE OR CARE ABOUT, because the quality of the writing is excellent. So, also no.

*I met someone who read books like this and I suddenly realized what the literary equivalent of 'knowing someone is a serial killer' was.

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baeddel · 1 year

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because i'm playing Bloodborne i can't just write down my thoughts on my computer without getting up to change the HDMI cable around, so i've been taking notes on paper. like a neanderthal. so far my page goes like this:

Flaubert—St. Anthony—'who sees' cannot be St. Anthony in Neb.'s city—but Anthony is 'focalizing' still?

Bloodborne—Gilbert—we misremembered—thinks he can 'die human', already sick—seems important lost use of legs! the scourge!

Symbols—repeating in a bicameral way, w/out knowing their importance—of flowers, virgins cf. Uzumaki

to expand in order:

Gerard Genette proposes the concept of 'focalization' to deal with the fact that 'who speaks?' and 'who sees?' is often different, in a way that isn't captured by the term 'point of view.' basically, we can see through the eyes of a particular character within the story even when they aren't narrating in first person; we understand that the narrator is still conveying their interpretation.

well, throughout Flaubert's Temptation of St. Anthony we are obviously getting St. Anthony's interpretation. in fact, most of the time St. Anthony is also the one speaking. when he isn't speaking we get a lot of explicit descriptions of his reactions to the things just described.

Then many things appear which he has never seen before—black hashes, jellies, the color of gold, ragouts in which mushrooms float like nenuphars upon ponds, dishes of whipt cream light as clouds.

And the aroma of all this comes to him together with the salt smell of the ocean, the coolness of mountains, the great perfumes of the woods. He dilates his nostrils to their fullest extent; his mouth waters; he thinks to himself that he has enough before him for a year, for ten years, for his whole life!

this keeps going as he passed through temptations which strain ordinary perception:

He beholds at one glance, the two ports (the Great Port and the Eunostus), both round as circuses

later there is a long sequence where St. Anthony wanders through a enormous palace belonging to Nebuchadnezzar and encounters fabulously gory scenes:

On the pavement below crawl the captive kings whose hands and feet have been cut off; from time to time he flings them bones to gnaw. Further off sit his brothers, with bandages across their eyes, being all blind.

eventually this elevates to descriptions of the entire city, the entirety of which St. Anthony cannot possibly be the observer:

From the depths of the ergastula arise moans of ceaseless pain. Sweet slow sounds of a hydraulic organ alternate with choruses of song; and one feels that all about the palace without extends an immeasurable city—an ocean of human life whose waves break against the walls.

actually, it occurs to me that Flaubert—or is it Lafcadio Hearn, the translator?—does insure against this boiling over of the perspective, confining the description to what 'one feels' would be true about the entire palace, as though you could guess something like that. later on, the return to St. Anthony's person is called out to help us stick the landing:

Anthony, from afar off, reads all these thoughts upon his brow.

i have nothing to say about it really, just an interesting use of narration.

on the second point, a minor correction to my big post; the player is actually misled about what illness Gilbert has. Gilbert does have the beast plague—we know that because he turns into a beast later. but he explicitly says he doesn't have it: "I can even die human." he says this because he believes that "their [Yharnam's] blood bought me time." he obviously came to Yharnam to seek blood healing from the Healing Church for whatever illness he had, and he thinks it worked. it didn't work; it gave him the scourge and its about to kill him just like it did everyone else in Yharnam. on the second playthrough we can understand the tragic irony in this line of Gilbert's, which on the first playthrough is a red herring.

Gilbert is the only character with a cough that i can remember, so that's probably his original illness. tuberculosis, why not? his other symptoms are side effects of the Healing Church's blood ministration, i believe. he can no longer use his legs. he blames his TB for this, as if to say 'thats how bad it's gotten now', but this is a widespread problem in Yharnam and appears to be an iatrogenic effect of blood ministration.

Gilbert's misunderstanding of his own condition reminds me a lot of Terrare. when Terrare was dying he got in touch with his old doctor and confessed to him that once upon a time, a long time ago, he swallowed a little golden spoon, and he believed that it was now stuck in his intestine and was killing him. it only made sense to him that he would die because of something unusual he ate, since his unusual eating defined his life so much. when they performed an autopsy on him they did indeed find the little golden spoon he talked about. but that's not why he died—he died of TB, like everyone else.

on the last point, there are repeating motifs in Bloodborne. some of these are: small white flowers, blind or veiled female figures, the spade (as in playing cards), perforation. there are lots more than that. these reoccur all over the place: statues, gravestones, architecture, the design on the reverse side of a wheelchair, and so forth. they also have cosmological importance; kin grow out of small white flowers ('lumenflowers') and flowers also have some relationship with the Great One named Flora, blindness is generally important in Bloodborne, from scourge symptoms (bandaged eyes) to blindness or blindfolding promoting higher forms of knowledge (Byrgenworth & the Choir both use it), and women are obviously important to Great Ones for their fecundity. the Spade i don't totally understand, but it represents Communion in the Choir cosmology. finally, perforation is seen on the Amygdala head and on some important otherworldly objects.

regular Yharnamites producing secular textiles cannot possibly know all that stuff, since not even all factions within the Healing Church know about all of it. further, we encounter them with as much frequency in the Chalice Dungeons (ruins of 'classical' civilizations). the implication, to my mind, is that these symbols work a bit like Oedon, expressing themselves through the creative activities of mortals who are ignorant of their origin and significance. they repeat the lexemes of the cosmic language over and over, never learning their true meaning. that's why it reminded me of Uzumaki—people start to, for example, make spiral-patterned pottery, ignorant of their role in the cosmic drama of The Spiral and its will.

it occurs to me that this implies a concurrentist or at least occasionalist theory of causation. Mr. Saito makes spiral pottery because he liked them, but Mr. Saito was also wholly and entirely making spiral pottery because The Spiral willed it. this is how many medieval Christians understood the relationship between God and Nature. i wonder if it has a parallel in Japanese thought?

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mogai-sunflowers · 1 year

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cw vent // possible discrimination(?) // and maybe a long ask

I know that I already talked to my high school counselors about this but I feel like I should also tell you this.

So, one of my periods was Culinary 2, I already attended Culinary 1 w/ the same teacher and her class is also bake-shop. We'll call her Mrs. K. Now, Mrs. K IS a nice teacher, sure a bit of a pain, but she is now a far more LARGER pain in the ass after today.

So today me & my friend (we'll call him "G" <- he was the friend that is the cis bi metalhead I was talking about) were suppose to do a steak lab where we get to season our own steak and have it w/ rice and potatoes. We were both excited about it, obviously. Though, as I walk in, she says that I didn't do Chap. 11 notes and that they were my "ticket" to the lab. Now, I was HIGHLY confused about this, so I went to see if maybe I forgot to submit.

It turns out, I didn't submit some game meat note questions. Because, apparently, they were suppose to be due today instead of the date that it was assigned to--which SAYS they were due on March 29th, so I had plenty of time to due them. "G" says that he didn't see the notes because they didn't appear on the front page of them--we both thought we were okay to do lab because we did all the notes, but I guess not!! Trust me, we were both a bit frustrated by this.

Now, here is where things go and get worse.

Mrs. K said that she was going to talk to me after setting up the lab for the other students who were eligible for lab minus those who weren't. After twenty minutes, she goes to explain that we didn't do the notes on the deadline and therefore we couldn't participate. So I go and tell her that I wasn't aware due to the fact that the notes were set on a different date and that "G" didn't see them. She goes to say, "But I was telling the class all week to do their notes, so maybe you should've been seeing what they've been doing." Okay, rude bitch.

Now, as a bit of a deeper info: I have autism, along with depression, anxiety, PTSD, violent intrusive thoughts, and selective empathy, and (possibly, still not sure) an obsessive personality disorder; "G" has autism, ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, sensory issues, intrusive thoughts and gets panic attacks--he also has another disability that affects his reading, which I mostly understand since I've often be a bit dyslexic and might mispronounce a word or misread the time. There is also another girl in the class with ASD as well, but she's a bit lower on the quote/unquote "autism scale." The rest of the class--I believe--is just mostly allistic/neurotypical.

So, "G" responded to Mrs. K saying that he has a disability that affects his reading and so on. So she went and said, "Well, if you're having trouble reading, do you need to sit at the front again?" So he got mad and stormed off outside to calm himself down as he was about to have a panic attack, leaving ME alone with HER.

So, I explain to her, AGAIN, that the date was different and that I didn't think I needed to do it TODAY. So she explains that the reason why the date (March 29) was different was because it was also the date grades get turned in. So I said, "Well, okay, but no offense, but that's just a bit misleading. Because how am I suppose to know when it is turned in with the dates are all different?"

It gets WORSE.

After I've said it, she then asks, "Well, didn't you hear me say it this week it needs to be turned in?" Now, as an autistic person, I tend to not answer right away, as I either need time to say an answer or I kinda lock up. So here I am, somewhat stammering to try and say, and she asks again: "Didn't you hear me say it? Yes or no?" And I say, still trying to answer her, "Well--yes, I did hear it--but, y'know--"

So, SHE TURNS TO THE FREAKING CLASS, who was doing their lab, and she (sorta) yells out, "Class! Didn't I say that the notes needed to be due this week?" And they go and verbally agree with her, somewhat loudly, while I'm sitting there, embarrassed that she humiliated me + also my friend who returned from calming himself down. This wasn't the first time she verbally humiliated/embarrassed her students, and it was mostly those who were a bit procrastinating, but only over and assignment or two.

After "G" comes back, we both proceed to defend ourselves. BUT, just "but," she goes and coaxes us like literally fucking children by saying: "Oh, well if you are having trouble with dates, I could personally write you two a calendar on what needs to be done and tell you." I am 16 (10th grade) and he is 18 (12th grade), he is practically a young adult and I am somewhat a sorta-adult as well. We are not fucking toddlers. Plus, this was the only time we were having trouble with dates since we both mostly get our work done.

So we both get mad and went to our counselor. Of course, I was reasonable a bit and decide to get a note from Mrs. K so I wasn't going to be in trouble or at least say that I have a note excusing us from class. I should've said it before in the beginning that the steak lab was the only day today to do it so we can not do it tomorrow and that'll risk us points.

So yeah, I'm still a bit pissed off. We already talked to the counselors about it and they said that they will follow up after spring break. I was just mostly glad we had someone to talk to us and not be rude. They listened to us very carefully and weren't rude 'n' stuff; we took turns talking about the experience.

tl;dr: the culinary teacher was very rude and I walked out of that toxic environment w/ friend.

Sorry that you had to read this reign. I kinda just wanted to talk to other friends about it. I know that you've had shared some ableist experiences and problems, so I figured I'd share mine. /gen

gosh I’m so sorry :/// teachers should be formally trained in how to accommodate AÑL their students. When a student tells you they have a disability and that’s why they messed something up, if your response is “well everyone ELSE did it” or you then treat them like a baby, you shouldn’t be a fucking teacher. I’ve definitely had authority figures like this, it’s really annoying. I’m sorry you didn’t get to do the lab either :// im tired of disabled students always been treated like we are just lazy or it’s just an excuse. Like, one of my best friends is legally blind and one of my teachers KNEW that and then didn’t accommodate them on any of the tests. I get panic attacks with presentations and i told my teacher and they were just like “everyone has to do the presentation”. I also have dyslexia and another learning disorder and my teacher got mad at me for needing extended time on assignments and tests. All of this to say, i know how you’re feeling and I’m really sorry 💕💕💕

#🌌written in the stars ; asks🌌#tw ableism #ableism tw #teachers will make everything as vague and confusing and possible and then get mad when we don’t understand it

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semper-legens · 7 months

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129. Divine Madness, by Robert Muchamore

Owned: No, library Page count: 360 My summary: James, Lauren, and Dana are on their most dangerous mission yet - to infiltrate a religious cult suspected of hoarding weapons and hosting terrorists. They'll need to play the role of brainwashed little cultists, believing they are 'angels' in a world full of 'devils', the only ones who will be saved when the Rapture comes. But there's more at play under the surface here. And soon they'll find themselves in more danger than they could have anticipated... My rating: 3/5 My commentary:

Of all the CHERUB books, this is the one I was most looking forward to rereading. I don't know what it says about me that I've always been interested in cults and reading about cults, both real and fictional, but that's how it is! I remember that this was one of my favourites when I was a kid, so I was very interested to read it again as an adult, give it a fresh pair of eyes. After all, I know a lot more about real-life religious cults these days than I used to. And how did it hold up? …weirdly.

I'm gonna preface this by saying that it's gonna seem like a lot of complaining about this book down here under the cut. I had some very serious misgivings about it, but I did ultimately enjoy it and recognise what it was trying to do. That said, the misgivings are what I want to discuss. First…I know I've spoken before about the copaganda (or, I suppose, military propaganda) present in these books. So far, this is the worst one for being hypocritical and seemingly not even realising it. At one point, an explicit comparison is drawn between CHERUB as an organisation and the cult in the book. The difference, the kids say indignantly, is that everyone in CHERUB knows what they're getting into, and has the ability to pull out if they need to. They can turn down missions, they have agency.

Which…earlier in the book a mission controller proudly makes the point that no CHERUB ever turns down a mission, and the kids point out that if you refuse a high-profile mission, you'll basically be doing baby jobs through your whole career. There absolutely is pressure on these kids to do dangerous stuff, and the process of recruiting smart, fit kids with no family ties is more than a little shady. Not to mention that CHERUB kids younger than ten are brought up in CHERUB and taught with the expectation that they'd enter the hell that is basic training as soon as they can. Eve, the cult teen, makes a decision at the end to do a terrorism after all and winds up dead because of it, and that's a tragedy. There isn't a lot of difference between her and the CHERUB kids though. They, also, go through with the missions at all costs, and think they're acting for the greater good. But the book doesn't seem to want to explore any of these ideas. CHERUB isn't a cult. CHERUB is a good organisation fighting the bad guys.

My other main issue was Dana. James and Lauren are joined on this mission by Dana, a slightly older mouthy Australian girl who has been mentioned before, but never really shown up. She…really doesn't get a lot of character development in the earlier parts of this book. It's the James and Lauren show - James is the one who gets them an in to the cult compound they're trying to infiltrate, Lauren gets in with important kids, while Dana just kind of exists. True, later she plays a bigger role, but you'd think that if a new character is joining the cast then the narrative would spend some time with her so we can get to know her. She's just standoffish and grumpy through the start of the book, and like, that's all there is to her. It's just a weird choice.

But yeah, I do have to give this book some credit for how it handles its subject matter. None of the cult people are really portrayed as being inherently evil, a lot of them are obviously misguided or brainwashed. The climax, in which the government comes in to crack down on the compound and meets a lot of armed resistance, is wildly reminiscent of the Waco siege. The military and police ignore the mission controller's intelligence that there are armed people inside the compound, and that leads to devastation as the cult, convinced that the 'devils' are coming for them, respond by blowing up most of the compound. And everyone inside it. James and Lauren are caught in the crossfire, trying their best to get out. Initially, James is against taking all the kids that have been sheltering in the same room with them, but Lauren insists - and good thing too, because when the bombs blow, the room they were in is obliterated. That gets her the black shirt, the highest CHERUB rank. But it's also a really sympathetic situation - I don't think the cult members (outside of the higher ups) are ever really demonised for what happens, it's more just a tragedy that they've been brainwashed into thinking they know what's right, and then the police agitate the situation until people die. It's horrible, but it's sadly realistic.

Next up, a graphic novel, and a young girl changes her identity to help her family.

#Divine Madness #Robert Muchamore #bookblr #book blog #book blogger

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randomquietkid · 2 years

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"He always will"

𝗔 𝗝𝗝 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 "𝗦𝗵𝗲'𝘀 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗮 𝗯𝗲" 𝗯𝘆 𝗧𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗠𝗰𝗥𝗮𝗲

Lately you have been struggling with your body, and haven't been eating as much. You thought the pogues wouldn't notice but they did. And when JJ finally asks you about it you break down to him. (Hope you enjoy. I was listening to this song on repeat and got inspiration from it. This song for me hits a little close to home as I've always struggled with my body so more stories like this will be coming so look out. And remember if any of you think this I love you and you are enough ♡. And as always don't be afraid to send in requests there is a pinned post on my page with all the characters I would write about. And thank you for reading)

Enjoy <3

Trigger warnings: Ed's,cursing and emotional/ verbal abuse. If I missed any let me know :)

You have always struggled with your body. So many people in your life telling you you need to loose weight, that no one will want you if you look like that. And you believed them. You've been best friends with JJ since kindergarten when he helped you build a sandcastle at the beach. And you've had a crush on JJ since you were 10. Once you were older you saw the people JJ hooked up with and you knew what his type was, not you. You knew the looks JJ gave those skinny blond girls with big boobs and giant asses at the beach. Looks that he would never give you, that no one would ever give you.

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗶𝗿𝗹 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘄𝗮𝗶𝘀𝘁

𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘀𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗲

𝗦𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼'𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗱𝗮𝘆

𝗜𝗻 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗱𝗮𝗱'𝘀 𝗻𝗲𝘄 𝗰𝗮𝗿

Your mom has recently lost her job and has been taking her anger out on you. "YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT" she yelled "WHY DO YOU EAT EVERY GODDAMN THING" "CAN YOU STOP EATING FOR ONE SECOND FATASS" and so you did. JJ obviously took notice so you only ate around him and the pogues. And when you did it wasn't a lot.

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝗲 𝗜 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱𝗻'𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝘁

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱

𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗜 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗴𝗼𝘁 𝗮 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻

𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻 𝘂𝗴𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿

"Y/n" .... "Y/n" ..... "Y/N" JJ yelled "what" you asked as you flinched because of his yelling. Your mom had yelled at you right before you left for John B's and it's put you on edge. "I asked if you were gonna eat. You haven't been eating much lately" he asked again concern evident in his voice"Oh umm no I'm feeling a little nauseous" you said, a lie to make sure he didn't get suspicious.But JJ knew, he always knew. You haven't been eating the same for the past few months and even though you thought you were doing a good job at hiding it all of the pogues noticed it. "Are you okay, you've never gotten sea sick" Pope asked concerned finally being the first one to talk about this to you. The pogues have talked about this before and came to their own conclusions that scared them. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be" you said confused as you raised and eyebrow at Pope. "I mean you haven't eaten anything all day. You've kept your oversised t-shirt on and it's hot as hell out here" John B said now listing the things you didn't want them to notice.

𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝘀𝗵𝗲'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁

𝗪𝗵𝘆'𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗲𝘆𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗹𝗼𝘂𝗱

"Yes I'm fine" you said sternly implying that you were done with the conversation. "John B I think it's time to go back" JJ said looking at you and giving him a look. John B nodded in agreement and started to turn the boat around. As you all got off the boat and onto the grass you went to check your phone and saw you had missed calls from your mom. 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵. 'Ring' 'ring' "OH NOW YOU ANSWER" your mom yells through the phone. "Umm sorry we went for a boat ride and I didn't see your missed calls till now. I'm sorry" you said fast so you didn't annoy her. What you didn't know was why you were busy talking to your mom the pogues could see and hear everything. "HA. YOU ON A BOAT IN A BATHING SUIT NOW I WOULD PAY MONEY TO SEE THAT" her words hurt as they were shout through the phone and tears prickled your eyes. You were thinking the exact same thing as she was when you looked at yourself in the mirror with your bikini on and that's why you wore your shirt over it the whole time. "I NEED YOU HOME RIGHT NOW. I WOULD TELL YOU TO BRING SOMETHING HOME FOR DINNER BUT WE DON'T NEED YOU BREAKING ANOTHER CHAIR" she laughed through the phone. Now tears were about to spill so you quickly said an okay and "I'll be there soon" and hung up. "My mom needs me home so I'm leaving" you said keeping your face down as you went to grab your backpack because you were pretty sure if tears haven't already slipped they definitely would when you look one of your friends in the eyes. "Hey, you okay?" JJ asked as he grabbe your arm. "Mhm" you said shakily. The rest of the pogues watched as you tried not to break down. You left as soon as JJ let go on you arm and on your way back home you broke down and cried.

𝗦𝘁𝘂𝗽𝗶𝗱 𝗯𝗼𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗲 𝘀𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝗱

𝗗𝗶𝗱𝗻'𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝘀𝘁

𝗦𝗵𝗲'𝘀 𝗴𝗼𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲

𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗜 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗲𝘁𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁

"OH THERE SHE IS" "FINALLY MAKING AN APPEARANCE YOUR HIGHNASS" she yells at you. "Sorry" you mumble. "WELL I'M GOING OUT AND WHEN I GET BACK THIS PLACE BETTER BE SPOTLESS" she yells out the door. You nod your head and make your way to the kitchen where the cleaning supplies is. "I know you'll go and change your mind. One day wake up and be bored with mine. She's got everything that I don't have. And she's all I wanna be. All I wanna be so bad. So bad. She's got everything that I don't have." Tate McRae sang through your earbuds as you scrubbed the counter and table. Someone tapping your shoulder cut you out of your cleaning trance. You hopped it wasn't your mom she was never home with early. "If you're someone here to kill me. Just do it now please." you said kinda desperate. As you turned around expecting to find a crazed murderer you instead found all the pogues with a worried expression throughout their faces. "Umm we're not a crazed murderer but we are worried about you" JJ said. "Oh um it's just I didn't do my chores before I left and my mom wanted me to do them so yeah. Sorry for leaving" JJ recognized that look of fear that someone would get suspicious of you. "Does your mom hit you" he said out right and no hesitation "what no" you stuttered, she didn't physically abuse you but words were definitely shared. "We heard her through the phone before you left" Pope said now joining in on the conversation.

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗼𝗳𝗳

𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝗼 𝗼𝘂𝘁

𝗦𝗵𝗲'𝗹𝗹 𝘄𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗮 𝘁𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗶 𝗯𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗱𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀

𝗪𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱

It was just too much anymore and you dropped to your knees but JJ caught you, He always does. "She-she says I eat too much. That no one will love me. I'm useless JJ" you cried into his shirt as all of your thoughts about yourself spilled out. You didn't care that JJ and the pogues would hear what you thought about yourself, you didn't care anymore. "I have stretch marks everywhere and my stomach rolls when I sit down. I'm not like those beautiful blond skinny girls on the beach that you flirt with or bring home. I'll never be good enough"

𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗹𝗹 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗮𝗯𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗮𝘁

𝗛𝗲𝗿 𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗯𝗶𝗴 𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲

𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗜'𝗹𝗹 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲

𝗬𝗼𝘂'𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗼𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁

"Hey, hey shushhh" JJ soothed as you continued to cry into his shoulder. "Look at me" you didn't. So he made you. He grabbed the side of your face with his hands gently. "You are 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 and 𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗳𝘂𝗹 and 𝗵𝗼𝘁 and 𝘀𝗲𝘅𝘆 and have an amazing 𝘀𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗲 okay? Don't even get me started on your 𝗹𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵" he said listening all of the physical traits that he loves of you. " And your 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 and 𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁 and 𝗳𝘂𝗻𝗻𝘆 and so 𝗳𝘂𝗻 when your 𝗱𝗿𝘂𝗻𝗸 or 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵 off your ass" he continued. "You are 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 and 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗲 could ask for, so don't you dare believe what she says about you because it's not true" "it's not true baby, it's not true" he soothed as your cries became less "I'm sorry" you sniffled " don't be baby, just sit here and it will okay. You have nothing to apologize for." he rocked you two back and forth for a while. The pogues left after you fell asleep in JJ's arms and he told them to go back.

𝗦𝘁𝘂𝗼𝗶𝗱 𝗯𝗼𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝗲 𝘀𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝗱

𝗗𝗶𝗱𝗻'𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗶𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝘀𝘁

𝗦𝗵𝗲'𝘀 𝗴𝗼𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲

𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗜 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗲𝘁𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁

𝗜 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗹𝗹 𝗴𝗼 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱

𝗢𝗻𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘂𝗽 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗲

𝗦𝗵𝗲'𝘀 𝗴𝗼𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲

𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗵𝗲'𝘀 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗮 𝗯𝗲

When you woke up you were still in JJ's arms and he was still rocking you back and forth. "Thank you JJ for being there for me" you said softly "I always will be baby" he said. 𝙃𝙚 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚.

𝗦𝗵𝗲'𝘀 𝗴𝗼𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲

𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗵𝗲'𝘀 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗮 𝗯𝗲

𝗔𝗹𝗹 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗮 𝗯𝗲

𝗦𝗵𝗲'𝘀 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗮 𝗯𝗲 𝘀𝗼 𝗯𝗮𝗱

#jj fluff #jj maybank imagine #jj #maybank #jj maybank #outer banks #obx netflix #obx jj x reader #jj x reader #made by myself

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wearevillaneve · 2 years

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Sandra Oh the Homophobe? Yea or Nay: A Discussion (with Teeth!).

This entire debate spun out several essays from @anevolutionarynecessity's page where she makes her case that Sandra Oh is a homophobe. Some of her posts can be found here, here, and here. Anybody who's read this blog knows already this is a Sandra Oh safe space. I freely admit my bias toward her., but I'm not put off by having a tough discussion with someone who puts as much thought into their position as @anevolutionarynecessity has in her assessment that Sandra is indeed homophobic. I contend that the assessment is incorrect. And away we go. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve With all of this firmly in mind, it is literally only possible to deny that Sandra Oh is homophobic, and that this is a problem, if you’re wholly willfully blind to it. Or if you disingenuously choose to shut down this viewpoint by dismissing it or excluding it by narrowly focusing on Sandra Oh’s race. Again, Sandra Oh is both Asian and homophobic. And her race isn’t the point here, her disappointing and hurtful homophobia is. She’s complicit in Killing Eve’s homophobia.

That’s an accusation, but an accusation is not evidence. I am not trying to “shut down this viewpoint by dismissing it.” I disagree with it. That’s not the same thing. Nor am I excluding the viewpoint “by narrowly focusing on Sandra Oh’s race.” I’m expanding the discussion into an area you haven’t bothered to consider except to use Oh’s Korean heritage against her because South Korea’s culture is homophobic in your opinion. Sandra’s parents were born in South Korea. She was born in Canada, but if you want to use her parents’ birthplace to indict their daughter, I certainly can’t stop you. I agree that Sandra Oh is Asian. Whether she is homophobic depends on whether or not I accept your insistence that she is. I don’t. My belief is you built the roof first and then set forth to construct a house under it. The conclusion had been reached before you made a substantive case of Oh’s supposed homophobia.

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve We know that Eve’s lover Villanelle is shot in the arms of the woman she loves, shortly after their passionate kiss and (implied) consummation of their same-sex romantic relationship. Sandra Oh even confirms Laura Neal’s disturbing viewpoint that Eve experienced a “rebirth”, as her comments in that awful recent Deadline interview identify her soul destroying scream as a “life cry.” Among Sandra’s many other shitty homophobic comments and her concerning roles over the years. I'm still waiting for the confirmation of what those "many other shitty homophobic comments" are. Do you have a quote where Sandra Oh says, "I hate doing these gay parts" or "Does anybody with half a brain really believe two women can have a happy relationship together?" That would really add some meat to this bone. What I've heard over the years is Oh casting doubt on the idea that there could be a happy ending for Eve and Villanelle. She disagrees with fans who crave just that, but what does she know? She's only played Eve Polastri over four seasons and 31 episodes. If Oh is guilty of anything it is not feeding into some in the fandom's desire for the Villaneve Endgame. Neither Oh nor Jodie Comer has gone all-in for such a thing, but only one of them has been put on blast for it.

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve Sandra Oh has a proven track record of being a straight woman playing explicitly same sex roles and on top of that problematic roles. The same sex relationship in Catfight is fraught with hostility and violence and raw emotion in a way that so obviously draws comparisons to Eve and Villanelle in Killing Eve. We all know how Sandra Oh’s bisexual role in that turned out, don’t we?

Actually, we don’t because Sandra Oh is not bisexual in Catfight.

The same-sex relationship in Catfight is between Anne Heche and Alicia Silverstone, not Sandra Oh. She plays the ex-friend of Heche’s character. The synopsis for Catfight reads as follows: Two former college friends, who now find themselves in very different walks of life, meet up at a fancy cocktail party: Veronica has become the entitled, wine-loving wife of a rich businessman, while Ashley, along with her lover Lisa, struggles to make ends meet as an artist. As the two women reconnect, long-buried hostilities, jealousy, and anger explode into a vicious, bloody fight that leaves both of them battered and bruised.

So this is not the example of Sandra’s “problematic roles.” But I’m curious, if you have a problem with straight women playing same-sex roles, why is Jodie Comer’s name conspicuously absent in your damning of Sandra Oh playing these sort of parts? Is there a double standard at work here?

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve (cont) Catfight (2017) Sandra Oh plays a bisexual woman who runs into her ex girlfriend one night a social function and because of their unresolved romance and bitterness, they get into increasingly brutal fights that puts each of them in a coma. The violence and resentment escalates until they both have nothing left to lose but their lives. And they do. The movie ends with them literally beating each other to death.

Yeah, I saw the movie. Her co-star was Ann Heche, the former girlfriend of Ellen DeGeneres. It’s a black comedy that is brutally funny. I liked it. Sorry you didn’t, but the brutality is the point of the film. There have been literally hundred of films of men beating the snot out of each other for various reasons, but when it is two women squaring off and going toe-to-toe, blow-for-blow, it’s jarring as Oh and Heche discussed in an interview:

When you hear the title Catfight, you're expecting maybe a slap or some hair pulling. But you two full-on brawl in this. Why do you think that title was chosen?

Oh: I think that's one of the great things about the actual film. One of the things that I also liked about it is the actual title. Because it's exactly that -- you have an image of what a catfight is, and this film really upends it. Those images of what you might think a catfight is is not what these two characters do. At all.

Heche: It's also the depth of feeling that women have and how we express it. Like, women and our behavior, we're supposed to behave. But if we would let out our anger toward another girl, we wouldn't be violent. We'd just smack each other and pull each other's hair a little. Even "catfight" in its essence of fighting doesn't allow women to be powerful in the depth of emotion. I think that's one of the things that we liked exploring.

Like, if we can take all of this life that these two -- for lack of a more complicated term -- flawed women [have], who are so angry at themselves or the world or anybody else that they can blame, when you dig down as deep as you can possibly go to get yourself to the place that would make that fight happen, that starts to encompass what we think complicated women are about. And how it's expressed is through the fighting, and we loved that metaphor, obviously. I think, really, women are hungry to express themselves as we see men express themselves. But we've learned different ways to do it.

Having sat with you for about 15 minutes, you seem to get along really great. But you hear stories about how Hollywood and this industry can pit women against each other. Is that something you feel you've experienced?

Heche: You mean women who don't like women? Yeah, all the time. We're not those kind of women.

Oh:I haaate you. I know that you have expressed that before. I will say, for me, of course there is that, but [in] my experience, just the work that I've done over the past year -- all women, mostly women of color, directing and writing for me -- it's also my choice, to veer toward working with those people.

The blazing anger you have against Oh and seeming contempt for her has obscured the reality of how Oh purposefully seeks out projects with women to act with, women to be directed by, and to play the characters as they are written by women. This includes queer and bisexual women. But you are erasing all that because Oh has not articulated an unambiguous pro-gay, anti-homophobia position with the fervor and passion that you have for this issue. I contend no one is in a position of such purity to demand anyone else fight as hard for an issue as you are fighting it yourself.

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve And because you mentioned Sandra Oh’s prominent same-sex roles, I’m going to point out a disturbing pattern in all of them: they’re tragedies where the lesbian couple is punished via the BYG trope (literal death) or a break up. Every. Single. One. Here’s specific examples: Under The Tuscan Sun (2003): Sandra Oh plays a pregnant lesbian whose partner breaks up with her. 3 Needles (2005): Sandra Oh plays a lesbian nun on a mission in Africa battling AIDS. Lots of death and tragedy.

It's great that you did the work to do a deep dive into Sandra’s same-sex roles, but this is a case of being edgy without having a point. Not one of those films was written or directed by Sandra. . She was hired to be an actor and that's her job. She may have some thoughts as to what her character might say or how she would respond, but she has no more power to change it on her own than a house painter can decide the owner’s home would look better in firetruck red than the light blue that was chosen.

Why is it Oh’s fault if these roles have tragic ends? The answer is it is not. By the way, you left out Tammy (2014) where Sandra plays the love interest of Kathy Bates. It’s a Melissa McCarthy comedy and I haven’t seen it, but if anyone has please let me know if Kathy and Sandra get run out of the neighborhood by vicious homophobes or hold hands and bravely, but tragically drive off a cliff together.

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve Nor does an affluent celebrity ever deserve my defence, especially not when their success is earned on the backs of LGBTQ folks’ passion, dedication, and money. Not when that same celebrity is complicit in homophobia and BYG. I don’t care about awards, race, talent, industry, eloquence, education, culture, religion, gender, age, or even sexuality–homophobia is homophobia in all its vile forms. And I’m going to spend my time fighting it, instead of propping up homophobes.

As well you should. That’s your issue and you can fight for it as hard as you want and against anyone you want to fight with. That part about Sandra being an "affluent celebrity" whose success is earned on the backs of LGBTQ folks' passion, dedication, and money? That comes as a hyperbolic rant. Sandra Oh is not exploiting the LGBTQ community, but even if she was, why is she the ONLY person among the Killing Eve crew to receive ALL the blame?

You have singled out one person for all your righteous rage. You are blaming Sandra Oh in a way you are not blaming Jodie Comer, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Emerald Fennell, Suzanne Heathcote, Laura Neal, and Sally Woodward Gentle who by your broad brush should be equally culpable in conspiring to bring Killing Eve to fruition and pushing an anti-gay agenda under the deception of a women-led production.

Your absence of anger against those heterosexual White women illustrates how the selectivity of your rage is allocated. You have all this bile to spill on Sandra Oh’s head, but not once do you condemn Comer for passing herself off as a queer woman for four seasons. Not once do you condemn Fiona Shaw, an open and married lesbian for accepting the role of Carolyn Martens, the woman so desperate to return to the MI6 patriarchy that she orders the assassination of Villanelle, the most prominent queer character on Killing Eve. Selective outrage is the worst kind of outrage and you have carved out exemptions for Killing Eve’s White actors, writers, and producers while absolutely shredding the Asian actress as a malicious homophobe.

This selectivity does your argument no favors.

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve As with any actress taking on a major role, Sandra has furthered her career and made heaps of money because she played Eve, a bisexual character. Her success was fuelled by a fandom with over 80% queer people, and her contemptuous, condescending, and callous homophobic remarks that dismiss Eve’s sexuality and Villaneve are not something I will ever defend. Yes, you’ve made that clear, but where does your figure of the Killing Eve fandom being 80 percent queer people come from? That number seems high and arbitrary. What's the source for that percentage?

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve Aside of the government policies, Sandra Oh has spoken candidly about being raised by her Korean parents, and in strict Christian household. She’s very much a contemporary woman but she’s also had to grapple with her upbringing just like everyone else. You can’t ignore that aspect of her culture and race either. Finally, I love that Sandra brought her Korean culture to Eve’s character. It’s enriching. But in real world terms, Sandra’s homophobia does real harm.

What does Sandra being raised by religious parents have to do with your conclusion that she is homophobic? You seem to be implying being religious equates to hostility toward gay people. What do her Korean parents have to do with this? Are they homophobic? How do you know that? Do you know if part of her “grappling with her upbringing” was throwing off the shackles of her homophobic religious indoctrination?

Unless you have proof of this, you’re throwing out bait of implied religious bigotry into the waters and hoping a shark swims by for a bite. This is just wild speculation on your part. You can't fight religious intolerance by the religious with secular intolerance.

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve All this brings me to my final point, and it’s one I really cannot emphasize enough: Sandra Oh being Asian and Sandra Oh being homophobic are not mutually exclusive. It’s well documented that in particular, South Korea is still homophobic in its society, culture, and economic policies. Feminists and LGBTQ activists in particular have struggled since 2007 to implement anti discrimination laws that have yet to pass. If you want to talk about race, then you have to acknowledge that.

No, not really, because that's a cultural issue, not a racial issue. South Koreans are not a race. This entire line you're pursuing hinges on the condemnation of an entire country. This attempt to make Sandra Oh a proxy for South Korea’s homophobic culture might work if she was a native South Korean, but she wasn’t even born there. Sandra’s parents were. She was born in Canada, but if you want to use her parents’ birthplace to suggest their supposed sins were passed onto their daughter, I certainly can’t stop you, but I won't entertain this sort of character assassination either.

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve Sandra Oh is also straight. And so is Jodie Comer, and Camille Cottin, although in Camille’s interview with The Guardian she at least had the integrity to freely admit she was bisexual and tackle the burning question of if it was for her as a straight actress to play Hélène, an unapologetically same sex attracted woman. I critique Sandra on the basis of her sexuality too, because her remarks harm queer representation. I find it hard to believe you can’t see that as a dire issue. Okay, so which is it? Is Camille Cottin straight or is she bisexual, because you just described her as both, so I'm a bit confused here?

By the way, when did Sandra Oh declare she was straight? I missed that announcement. How do you know which direction her sexual orientation compass points and what is your point if she is straight? Surely you are not suggesting straight women should not play queer characters, because if you are I cannot wait to see how you rewrite your rules for Jodie Comer.

Or maybe you already have?

I've never understood why you exempt Jodie Comer from the stinging criticism you blast out at Sandra Oh. Comer gets a total pass from you despite playing the character who was presented early as coded bisexual and then as the show went on became exclusively focused on same-sex encounters. Wasn’t Comer the one who said in a post-Season 3 interview that Villanelle and Eve walk away from each other on the bridge? That might be where Laura Neal got her stupid idea to open Season Four with the two of them split apart for seven to eight months and at odds with each other again.

That also gets a pass from you. The lengths you are going to blame Oh while absolve Comer is transparent.

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve And here are my closing points for you to consider, if you can: 4) Sandra Oh does not represent or speak for all Asian women, and she certainly is not representative of their typical struggles because she’s an affluent actress with tremendous, enduring popularity. I critique her along the lines of her privileged status that affords her the ability to overcome the hardship of racism comparatively easily to others groups. Her wealth and status eases many of her struggles.

It took me a few cracks at this to dial this down, but let me be direct with you @anevolutionarynecessity As a White woman, you are not remotely qualified to critique how Sandra Oh does or does not represent Asian women. You have not spent one second of your life as an Asian woman. You know nothing of what their typical struggles are. The sheer audacity takes to even suggest you possess more insight into the Asian condition in America than Oh does is infuriating in its audacity and its arrogance.

Sandra Oh is iconic in the Asian community. She is a beloved role model who gives back to and stands up for the Asian community. I know after a mass shooting of Asians in Atlanta I saw an impassioned Oh stand on a street in Pittsburgh yelling into a bullhorn to assert her right as an Asian person to simply live and be here in the U.S. She didn't HAVE to be there. She didn't take a public stand to defend Asians who don't have as much money as she has or isn't as "popular" as she is. She did it despite the fact there was nothing of direct benefit to her. She wasn't promoting a movie or a TV show and she wasn't doing it for clicks, lives, retweets, or to trend on Twitter.

She did it because people who look like HER were being gunned down and she was PISSED THE FUCK OFF about it! Sandra Oh’s “privileged status” didn’t get her the role of Eve Polastri. After reading the script, she didn’t even know what role she was playing on the show. She said she had been so brainwashed by the racism she had experienced that she couldn’t even imagine herself as the lead role in a television series. And here you come along saying because she’s made some money and has a little popularity, she’s been insulated from the bigotry Asian people face every damn day in this country.

How absurd. How wrong you are to try to diminish and erase the woman who said, “It’s an honor just to be Asian.” and "Stop Asian Hate."

What even qualifies you to go at her in such a way?

Nobody speaks for all Black people. Nobody speaks for all gays. Nobody speaks for all lesbians. Nobody speaks for all bisexuals. Nobody even speaks for the entire Killing Eve fandom. Nobody speaks for everyone in any group.

But one thing is certain. Nobody OUTSIDE of a historically oppressed and discriminated group gets to speak whether someone INSIDE the group belongs there and definitely not a Caucasian woman declaring an Asian woman who has some money and achieved a degree of success and fame has forgotten the prejudice and discrimination she faced (and still faces). That is an appalling display of smug hubris and this is the part of this entire discussion that actually made me angry. It is so unfair and untrue.

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve If Sandra was a man or if she was white or in any other industry this would be textbook toxic workplace abuse. It’s the same thing with Sandra’s homophobic remarks–which by the way, I am not “reading into” with I’ll intent or hanging onto her words, I am literally QUOTING the woman’s words herself. Sandra is literally expressing herself and her own mind, and you are one of the loudest people falling over yourselves to defend her at all costs. Sorry, but I don’t do that.

Sandra is not a man. Sandra is not White, but you are and so is Jodie who is for reasons unexplained totally immunized from any criticism.

What you call a toxic workplace sounds to me like honest disagreements on Grey’s Anatomy that occurred between an actress (Sandra Oh) and the showrunner (Shonda Rhimes). If Oh were that toxic on the show they would have simply fired her ass the way they did Isiah Washington who DID make homophobic remarks about another actor on the show. There have been ZERO reports of Sandra engaging in “textbook toxic workplace abuse” on the set of Killing Eve. But by all means let’s dredge up some rumors about her interaction with Rhimes on the set of a show she left over a decade ago. Apparently, there’s no statute of limitations on Oh’s bad behavior. Behavior that was so egregious when Sandra made the TIME 100 list in 2019, Rhimes wrote this about her:.

One of the greatest gifts of my creative life has been the opportunity to write words to be spoken by Sandra Oh. The reason is simple: Sandra Oh is a virtuoso. She treats dialogue like notes of music—every word must be played, every syllable correctly toned. She’s always been an extraordinary actor. Her body of work makes that clear. Ten years of playing Dr. Cristina Yang on Grey’s Anatomy made her place in the acting landscape undeniable. Her award-winning turn as Killing Eve’s Eve Polastri makes her legendary.

Her comic timing is priceless. Her dramatic well is endless. Her talent is a song to be heard. With her nuanced characters, Sandra Oh has chosen to fearlessly take up space in a universe that has not always made space for her. Now, the power of her talented presence makes space for others. And that is a gift to every artist of color who follows in her footsteps.

Wow. Such glowing praise from Rhimes for such a terrible human being. It’s SO bizarre.

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve Sandra herself mentions race wasn’t even a factor of concern at the beginning, until Sandra herself became more demanding as she approached her departure from the show. Instead of showing solidarity with Shonda, Sandra threw temper tantrums and abused her influence as an actress for a beloved character to pressure her conworkers into giving her the story lines she demanded. Again, all as reported by Glamour and Variety. Sorry, but until you produce the evidence of these alleged “temper tantrums” and how Sandra “abused her influence as an actress” allegations are all they are. If Glamour and Variety reported this obnoxious behavior it shouldn’t be hard to find the link to those stories, please provide a link. Otherwise, I can’t accept the veracity of these allegations simply on your say-so. Sandra has described the sudden rise to fame on Grey’s Anatomy as “traumatic” and harmful to her mental health, but I suppose that is irrelevant to casting her in the part of a shit-stirring prima donna.

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve You also mention SO and Grey’s Anatomy, but neglect to mention that she constantly pressured and fought with Shonda Rhimes, a black woman, the show runner, head writer, and executive producer. Glamour and Variety articles report that Sandra bullied the writers and Shonda into changing Christina Yang’s entire character arc to suit Sandra’s every whim. She was literally gloating about fighting every day with them. And the strangest part? It wasn’t about Sandra Oh’s race.

See above. Proof, or it didn’t happen.

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve You can’t be angry about the obstacles racism poses for SO and then reduce everyone else down to their own race, which they never chose, especially if they’re white. But once again, with utmost feeling, this isn’t about Sandra Oh’s struggles with the racism she’s over come or about her race. This is about her homophobia, and my reply to Anon was a case in point.

I disagree. This IS about Sandra Oh’s struggles with the racism she’s overcome and her race. I understand why you don’t want it to be about that because it undercuts your argument, but the unhappy fact is race does matter and it is relevant to this discussion. You made it that way when you singled Sandra Oh out for your righteous rage but carved out an exemption for Jodie Comer who played the openly queer role of Villanelle.

The KE fandom has always had a marked preference for Comer over Oh, and I totally get it. There are a lot of young White women in the fandom and naturally they gravitate to the character who looks like them and is closer to their age and racial demographic.

But if you want to tell me the obstacles Oh has faced to stay relevant and, in the picture, when Suzanne Heathcote deliberately reduced her to near-supporting cast status and sidelined her from an entire episode aren’t part of this discussion, then I don’t see what we are discussing has any merit to it.

Race does matter. Race always matters. You put an Asian woman in a role where even the original author didn’t make space for her, and Phoebe Waller-Bridge had to fight for Oh as her Eve Polastri and race matters. You put an Asian woman who is older than the White woman she’s playing off against and race matters. You put an Asian woman as the only person of color on the set of a television show and race sure as hell matters.

It only does not matter if you purposefully remove race from the equation because that doesn’t suit the agenda of scourging Sandra Oh for not speaking out against the rampant homophobia on Killing Eve that you have perceived as being present from the first minute of the first episode.

However, it begs the question of WHY is it only Sandra Oh that gets all this negative energy from you and everybody else evolved in the show gets NONE. It also makes one wonder why you have largely chosen to hold your fire until the show concluded.

It looks like the blame has fallen upon the Asian woman because her face and name is well known and she was the most prominent person in the production. By going scorched earth on Sandra Oh and nobody else that lends to the perception her race factors into why she and only she, is being singled out for this vitriolic attack.

Sandra Oh is being scapegoated.

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve I was born during the Balkan wars. I almost died as a child from the bombings. I come from a homophobic culture, one that still hasn’t gotten any better. It is ridiculous and hurtful and again disingenuous for you to accuse every single white person as not speaking out enough about the racism SO faces because you see’ to have an axe to grind. I am not a typical North American Caucasian woman and it’s bold of you to assume other people are as well.

While I can and do respect the difficult circumstances you survived, you are still a White woman, I am still a Black man and Sandra is an Asian woman. We all live different lives and how we appear impacts how we move through this world. There is no hiding my Black face just as there is no hiding Sandra Oh’s Asian face and as Americans, we both have to deal with a racist culture. You are not viewed the same way. There are advantages to being White that people of color do not have, but this isn’t a “who’s got it worse” contest. Not being a typical North American Caucasian woman does not mean you can’t participate in the benefits of being White in a predominantly White world. Benefits that people of color like Sandra and myself cannot access with the same degree of ease that you do. It is simply a fact that race and gender stand out in a way that sexual orientation does not. I’m not here to tell you your concerns are invalid, but neither are you here to tell me mine are. I DO have “an axe to grind” in regard to race, but I make no apologies for that. Your axe is just as sharp when it comes to homophobia and you aren't making any apologies for it either.

The blade does not discriminate whose flesh it cuts and if my remarks in defense of Sandra Oh have been overly strident or accusatory or seemed like a personal attack, I sincerely apologize.

However, I will never apologize for standing up for women of color when they are being unjustly attacked. I've done this within the Black community and I have no reluctance to do the same when the attack comes from without by another community.

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve 3) Your own lived experiences and your identity as a POC inform your perspective. I am not a POC, which is why I have also not seen it as my place to write 10,000 word essays about this topic. There’s no reason to take that maliciously. More to the point, even thought I’m not POC, I’m a Slavic lesbian woman. I was born in a multi-ethnic state that has its own complex, violent, harrowing struggles with racism and ethnocentrism and religion. It’s so delicate and complicated.

That which divides human beings is always so delicate and complicated. But what unites human beings are we all have the same basic needs. The reasons we shouldn’t be friends are many. The reasons we are comes down to we both dug the hell out of a silly television show and a bond was forged. Killing Eve was the place of confluence where all these disparate streams from around the world came together. All our differences became secondary to our commonalities. Now that the show is over the streams are diverging again and our differences are being pushed back to the forefront. We are not going to agree here. Not this time on this subject. That’s okay. I don't agree with your central argument or with some of the ways you are presenting it, but I won't say you are ALL wrong, because you aren't. We disagree, and we aren't going to reach a happy medium here. I fundamentally do not believe Sandra Oh is a homophobe. You do. Two different things can both be true. This is not a zero-sum game. Nobody has to “win” this.

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve So please don’t be disingenuous. Especially when 2) Nothing in my particular answer to Anon even mentions Sandra’s race. This is not about Sandra being Asian. This is not about the obstacles she’s overcome. This is about her homophobic remarks, since 2019 and throughout the years. YOU explicitly chose to make this about Sandra Oh’s race. And that brings me to my next points. I made it about race only because you don’t believe it is relevant. On the contrary, it is very relevant and the targeting of the only prominent woman of color while taking pains to exclude EVERY White person who might be equally or even more justifiably accused of homophobia can’t be waved away as irrelevant. Why is Jodie Comer exempt from your critique? Why are the White writers and showrunners and producers and executives exempt from your critique? Sandra Oh and Jodie Comer have both only spoken once or twice publicly since the finale. Jodie takes no questions about Killing Eve focusing instead on her one-woman play. Sandra takes a question about Eve being straight and replies “No” and you say it doesn’t matter. Jodie’s silence is protecting her, but one day some interviewer who actually has some journalistic credentials will ask her about the finale and she will either have to lie, say “no comment” or give an honest answer. When she does, let’s meet back up here and see how many words her response prompts you to compose, because right now the number is ZERO.

It is my position that a bigot does not go out of their way to be around or exposed to groups they hate. IF I were to grant your point that Sandra Oh is homophobic, she’s a pretty contradictory one because she is constantly saying things no straight woman says and constantly taking parts where she is loving on women (usually White) instead of telling her agents, “Nah, I don’t want to kiss on any more girls.”

That’s not a defense. She’s an award-winning actress who could just be running an elaborate scam on the gays, but why and why for so long? Sandra is going to be 51 years old this year and she’s been in acting since her teens. Why gaslight the gays so long if she really hates them so much?

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve 1) You and I have been good friends for years. You very well know that I write whole ass dissertations about Killing Eve. And so do you 😉 And you reblogged this directly from me, too. So why don’t you call me out directly? Why take cheap shots and imply that a discussion of Sandra Oh facing racism is somehow not on my radar? You know it is. I was right there with you calling out the all-white writers room. And yet, when they added more POC it didn’t fix the story problems or BYG.

After Sandra called out Killing Eve’s lack of diversity on-set (and by default in the writer’s room as well), Sally Gentle added a Black woman, Isis Davis as a staff writer. She already had Kayleigh Llewellyn, among the openly queer writers, but that didn’t stop the show from killing gay characters (Villanelle, Helene, Fernanda, Carolyn’s father) left, right and center and it didn’t get us any more people of color beyond Yusuf, Pam and the return of Martin. There hasn’t been a prominent Asian character on Killing Eve since The Ghost two seasons ago.

This shows it isn’t enough to bring in a Black woman or a lesbian when straight White women are calling the shots and making the final decision. I just posted where Llewellyn said how she had to fight to get her story ideas in a room with nine writers and answering to three producers.

We’ll never know if Llewellyn would have given us all the Villanelle content we craved in a fifth season, but if people of color or gay people are always going to have to run a gauntlet of heterosexual gatekeepers to get their ideas taken seriously, there’s never going to be real substantive change taking place.

I reiterate that racism within the KE fandom is not the same priority for most Whites as it is for non-Whites. I know you’ve written about this on your own blog, but it’s not as nearly important to you as calling out homophobia and queerbaiting when you see it. It’s not a “cheap shot” to say Sandra Oh facing racism is not on your radar when it isn’t as important or relevant to you as it is for me.

anevolutionarynecessity said: @wearevillaneve You bring up so many good points here, including the misogyny and bigotry Sandra Oh has faced throughout her career. And especially the point that we all bring so many perspectives to discussions, including this one. There’s a few things I’d like to point out though, and I hope you’ll answer honestly.

When have I not?

There’s a Sandra Oh interview for Variety, post The Chair and pre-Killing Eve’s fourth season from February 2022 where she said, “The social media… It’s hard to gauge when it’s going to bite you. It doesn’t matter what your intention is, or what your reality is for you. When it gets out there, it doesn’t belong to you anymore… and I find that dangerous.”

This entire discussion, this entire debate we’re engaged demonstrates how terribly right Sandra is. It IS dangerous.

Someone can take one sentence from one interview in one sketchy publication, and it is hung around that entertainer’s neck like an anchor. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Sandra Oh and Jodie Comer haven’t done any more interviews with Gay Times since 2018. Even then there were two points of view whether or not Killing Eve and Oh were queerbaiting the audience, but the other side never got as much play as the initial comment.

I am a published writer with years and years of writings behind me. It wouldn’t be difficult for someone to go back and find something I wrote that makes me look like the biggest asshole in the world. Most interviews are not the complete record of what was said between the interviewer and subject. I have no idea what the content was of Sandra Oh’s “you guys are tricky” comment to Gay Times, but I’m doubtful she was trying to gaslight the fans and bullshit the writer.

I try to assume good intentions until I have reason to no longer assume. You believe Sandra Oh is a homophobe. I do not, and that is where I'm going to leave this. There's no absolute wrong here and no right here. Just an honest difference of opinion without a middle ground in between the opposing viewpoints.

#killing eve #sandra oh #homophobia #queerbaiting #ke s4 #killing eve analysis #killing eve reactions #agree to disagree #two sides of the story #honest disagreement

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transitofmercury · 1 year

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HH Movie Magazine

A while back I got my hands on pictures of the issue of the Horrible Histories magazine that talked about the movie. I’m still trying to get my own copy, but I’d been looking for the magazine for a while and had like no details on it because it’s only proof of existence (as far as I was aware) was a super zoomed in image on Sebastian Croft’s Instagram, so getting pictures was a big deal. I know very few people will care about this but I thought I’d post the pictures here so people have access to them. They’re kinda blurry and hard to read, I’ve managed to figure out what most of them say and will type up what I think it says so people can read it. (Anything in square brackets is a section I’m not sure on, if you can figure out what it says please let me know.) I’ve focused on getting the interviews down but if anyone wants me to try and do the stuff written around the pages and on the other pages, I’ll do my best. I've also included any thoughts I wanted to add in red, but there hopefully wont be too much of that.

Interview with the Dazzling Director!

From the small screen to the big, Dominic Brigstocke chats to us about his time directing Horrible Histories!

How have you enjoyed your experience working within the Horrible Histories world?

It’s been amazing! When we first started the TV series ten years ago, I think we imagined that we would have to make things up to make history funnier. The more we looked into it, the more we realised that there’s nothing as absurd as what really happened in the past! Together with our amazing cast, who are inherently funny and who actually struggle to not be funny, it was a joy to make the film.

If you had to be a character from the movie, who would you pick?

The trouble with Romans is that they weren't a very nice bunch! Most of the good characters in our film are women - Boudicca is a strong, determined woman and so is Orla. Atti is a sixteen-year-old Roman whose got heart. He's probably the nicest boy in the film so I'd probably have to pick him.

Did you pick up any weird historical facts while filming?

I had always believed that Emperor Claudius was poisoned with a dish of mushrooms, but it turns out that, apparently, he was sick but then he felt much better. Nero and Agrippina finished him off with a poisoned feather, which is how Derek Jacobi plays it in the film. This is obviously an absolutely ridiculous way of killing someone! But Nero is a character that goes to ridiculous lengths.

What is your favourite scene in the film?

That's an easy question! There's a scene where Atti and Orla have to rescue Orla's grandmother who's trapped in a cage. They have to combine their resources - everything that Atti knows about science and technology from living in Rome and all of Orla's native Celtic wit. It's full of [a word that starts with "s", potentially stunts] and adventure!

If you could live in any era from history, which era would you pick?

The more i learn about history, the less I want to live in the past! The Romans were amazingly sophisticated with their legal system, medicine, [society] and the way they built straight roads but you all died horribly! We've never had it so good as we have it now.

If you had to pick a side, would you be a rotten Roman or a cut-throat Celt?

I'm British, aren't I? So I think I'd have to be a cut-throat Celt. My loyalties are divided here because I think the Romans were an amazing civilisation, but I don't think they should have gone around conquering people. My instinct is that I've been a Briton all my life and if someone invaded, I think I'd object.

This features the most interesting thing in this whole magazine (to me), Atti's age. Supposedly, he's sixteen. I guess this makes sense considering that Sebastian Croft and Emilia Jones were both 16 while this movie was being filmed, but I was so sure they weren't sixteen that I initially struggled to figure out what that said. In my head they've always both been 17 during the events of the movie. Anyway, I choose to ignore this, they're still 17 to me. That part about the catapult scene is interesting because, honestly, I've always wished Orla and her (different to Atti's but still there) intelligence featured more in that scene. I suppose we do get to see her quick thinking, ability to boss people around and how much she cares about the people around her (both in her dedication to saving her gran and not leaving Atti to be killed by the Brigantes, which would be a very easy way to deal with the fact that she told her dad she'd kill him and then didn't do that).

Interview with Awesome Atti!

Sebastian Croft talks to us about playing Roman teenager Atti…

What’s the best thing about being involved in Horrible Histories: The Movie?

The whole experience was genuinely amazing. From firing someone out if a catapult, to being in a [not sure of this word at all] battle and sword-fighting [my way out] - we did a lot of very cool stuff! If I had to pick one thing it would probably have to be getting to work all the other incredibly talented people involved in the movie. We really became a family over the course of the shoot and I’ve made good friends for life.

Are there any similarities between Atti and yourself?

Well, while I haven’t been captured by a Celtic tribe or sold someone horse wee in order to to get the latest trainers, I definitely see lots of myself in Atti. I was very adventurous when I was younger and I climbed a lot of trees (and fell out of a fair few, too).

What was your favourite scene to shoot?

I really enjoyed filming the songs. When we filmed the Battle of Watling Street song we had hundreds of people all dressed as Celts and Romans. Kate Nash, who plays Boudicca, started getting everyone pumped up before we shot the battle scene! It was an amazing thing to watch and [3 words]. It felt [electric] to be a part of it in the scene. Although I did pity us Romans who were facing the Celts led by Boudicca.

Did you get to do any cool stunts or action moments?

Yes, I did! We have a chase scene where Emilia is driving a cart which is pulled by a horse and then I fall off and have to sprint to jump back on. Now, while it wasn’t quite a Tom Cruise level stunt, it was very exhilarating and I’m glad we had to film it from so many angles because I got a lot of goes at doing it!

If you could be anyone from history, who would you pick?

Well, I love spy films and used to pretend to be a spy when I was little, so I guess I’d like to have been some kind of international secret agent on the side of good. But then they don’t really get documented by history, do they, because they were so secret!

If you had to pick a side, would you be a rotten Roman or a cut-throat Celt?

Of course I have to say a rotten Roman. Sorry Celts! They were more civilised, had better battle tactics, stronger armour and the best swords! But [let’s] not talk about taking sides. In the end, we all just need to be accepting of others and respectful of our [strengths and differences], right?

I don’t have much to say on this page. Fun fact though, the other stunt in that scene (where Atti and Orla fall out of a tree) used stunt doubles.

Interview with Original Orla!

Emilia Jones talks to us about playing cut-throat Celt, Orla...

What did you enjoy most about being involved in Horrible Histories: The Movie?

Everything! The cast, crew and creative team are really lovely people and it was such a fun shoot. I think we laughed until our stomachs hurt every single day. Nick Frost, who plays my dad in the film, has to be one of the funniest people on the planet. He had us all in stitches constantly!

Are there any similarities between Orla and yourself?

Yes, I think there are quite a few! I’d say that we are both determined, spirited and [word]. Orla is probably more [word] than I am and much [word] which made her a really fun character to play.

Do you have a favourite song from the movie?

I love all the songs! Whenever we filmed a [word, it could be routine but it’s definitely not song cause it’s too long for that], the whole cast and crew would be singing it all day. The music is really cleverly composed and sticks in your head for ages. If I had to pick favourites, I’d probably choose the Boudicca song and the Atti and Orla duet. Although, the finale song was super fun to film as well… see, I just can’t choose!

What is the weirdest thing you learned through doing this movie?

That the Romans ate sows udders and jellyfish omelettes!

Did you have a favourite behind-the-scenes moment?

When I slipped down the hill during one of my [dances] I [word] accidentally hit Sebastian with my sword. My sword skills improved as time went on! [potentially the grammar in that middle part is different to what I think and it’s “…one of my dances! I also…”]

If you had to pick a side, would you be a rotten Roman or a cut-throat Celt?

Well, I’m half Welsh so definitely a Celt… but maybe not a cut-throat one!

I love Orla so much and Emilia Jones always says such insightful things about her so I am so, so sad that this page is the hardest one to read. If you can figure out my gaps in the “are there any similarities between you and Orla?” response, please let me know. I am aware of the fact that I overanalyse this children’s movie, but Emilia Jones plays Orla really well in my opinion and I think it’s clear that she and Jessica Swale (who I presume wrote the story component of the movie, that then got Horrible Histories-ified by the other writers) both mean for Orla to have vunderabilities and be more complex than just a warrior woman trope. Also, when drunk, I once referred to them casting a half-Welsh person as a Ancient British character as being “half-accurate casting”. Orla is almost definitely a Brittonic Celt in my opinion, which makes her Irish (which comes from ancient Goidelic) name pretty wrong. It's also about 1000 years too early for her to be called Orla. Still, all the best characters are called Orla so I don’t care. Atti's name has issues too (where's his praenomen? why do he and his dad have different nomina?) but I'm not even starting with that.

Here’s the rest of the pages

I’m not gonna type them up cause I feel like they’re mostly easier to see but if anyone wants me to type them up I can. The image quality of these pictures when they’re posted will probably be way worse than it is on my phone so if anyone needs me to tell them what something says, I should be able to.

This has been crossposted to Dreamwidth.

#my laptop keeps pointing out my correct British English spelling as spelling mistakes based on American English #you don't notice how many differences there are until your laptop is being a bitch about your use of u's and lack of z's #while I was writing this post out my friend messaged me to remind me about an essay I need to do (haven't started) but I kept doing this #what can I say I'm dedicated #horrible histories the movie #horrible histories rotten romans #horrible histories #orla my beloved #atti my beloved #mercury posting

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transsexualhamlet · 3 years

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sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.

#rowan's hyperfixation essays #rowan screams into the void #rowan views moriarty #sherlock holmes

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tanzaniiite · 4 years

Text

OVER IT • TSUKISHIMA K.

requests: CLOSED

warnings: angst galore

word count: 2.9k

this idea has been in my head for the past couple of days and i’ve finally got to write it out, i’ll be back to request killing after this. enjoy!

It was a simple statement.

You didn't mean anything by it, so you weren't sure why your boyfriend was making a big deal out of nothing. At least, you assumed it was nothing. It's obvious that Tsukishima has trust issues, that you were well aware of. But you've known him since middle school. One would believe that you've passed that hurdle in your relationship, right? Wrong.

Being around Kei felt like a being around a time bomb. Most people didn't know what would trigger him and his resting bitch face didn't make it any easier either. Of course, having dated him for almost a year now and knowing him for more, you knew what to and what not to bring up. But like most people, you slip up. Who knew ten words would cause so much turmoil?

It started off normal, well as normal as a study date could be. The practice had ended early for some reason, you decided to not pry about it. You, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi walked home together. The walk was relatively quiet, with you and Tadashi having a small conversation of your own. Once Yamaguchi went on his own merry way, Kei carefully held your hand with his. You glanced at him and smiled slightly. "Oh, what's this? Tsukishima Kei, showing affection?" You teased, swinging your hands back and forth slightly. Tsukishima's cheeks were dusted a light pink, if you asked, he would swear it was the heat (even though the temperature dropped almost an hour ago). But you both knew that you were the only one who had the power to make him flustered, even if it wasn't by much.

"Shut up. I'm your boyfriend, I can't hold your hand?" He questioned, staring straight ahead. You giggled and poked his cheek, "Nope, not you. It's weird" You taunted. It was all fun and games until he snatched his hand away from yours, which caused a whine to leave your lips. "Hey!" You pouted, trying to grab his hand again. "No, it's weird right?" He retorted, holding his hand out of your reach, knowing it was impossible for you to obtain. He chuckled as you jumped trying to get him to hold your hand again. After five minutes, he decided to take pity on you and hold your hand once again. You glared at him, "You're so mean" You stated.

"Of course, I've got to give my girlfriend the full Tsukishima Kei experience"

The walk to his house was full of playful banter exchanged between the two of you. But the minute Kei spotted his brother's car in the driveway, his demeanor changed. You didn't notice the change right away, "Oh, I didn't your brother was visiting from college" You said, still holding Tsukishima's hand. The blonde pulled his hand away from yours and stuck them in his pockets, "Neither did I" He replied, walking ahead of you.

You followed behind him, now noting the solemn mood that took over. You knew Kei didn't talk to his brother much, after the whole "incident" between them. His mom often complained to you about the gap was growing in her two boys' relationship. You couldn't help but feel bad, you knew it was a pride thing when Akiteru lied to his brother. Obviously that doesn't excuse it but still, you understood.

"I'm home, Y/n's with me"

Tsukishima called out while taking his shoes off with you following suit. Akiteru popped his head in the foyer, "Hey lil bro, long time no see" He chirped. Kei just nodded, not bothering to respond. You didn't miss the slight hurt that flashed on his older brother's face before he turned to you. "Omg Y/n, you've gotten so big since I last saw you! How are you?" He asked, pulling you in for a hug. You hugged back, smiling, "I'm good, how's college life? Is it as good as the movies?" You inquired.

Akiteru has always been like an older brother to you, way before you and Tsukishima started dating. He was the reason you two got acquainted in the first place. Akiteru worked for your parents for a couple of summers. And when your parents threw their annual 'End of the Summer' cookout, Akiteru finally accepted their invitation and brought Kei along with him. The rest was history.

"Ha! I wish, it's hard to party when you're swamped with work but that might just be my poor management skills talking" He laughed, scratching his cheek lightly. "Enough about me, what brings you here?" Akiteru asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Oh, Kei is gonna help me study for a bit" You answered, suddenly noticing that your boyfriend was no longer in the foyer. "Ah that's good, well I'll let you get to it. Wouldn't want to keep Kei waiting, I think we both know he doesn't have a lot of patience" Akiteru said, whispering the last part causing you to giggle. You waved to the eldest Tsukishima brother as you made you way upstairs to Kei's room.

You opened the room door before closing it gently behind you. Your blonde boyfriend was already at his desk, reading a textbook, his headphones snuggly placed on his head. You walked over to him, lifting one side of his headphones, "Thanks leaving me alone with your brother" You whispered in his ear before pulling away and sitting on his bed.

Tsukishima took off his headphones and turned to look at you, "Sorry, it didn't look like you minded" He replied back. You took note of the snarky tone he used, he's annoyed with you for speaking to his brother. You mentally rolled your eyes, how petty. "My bad, maybe it's because I haven't seen the dude in almost a year" You muttered while rummaging in your bookbag. Tsukishima just stared at you before turning back to his textbook.

You two did work in silence for a good ten minutes before you spoke up. "Are you still mad at Akiteru?" You asked randomly. You knew this was a sensitive topic for your boyfriend but the tension you felt in the foyer earlier wasn't imaginary. "Who said I was mad at him?" Tsukishima inquired, not bothering to look at you. "Uhh, says the tension that was in the air the minute you saw his car" You retorted, looking up from your own textbook.

There was a short pause before he responded, "Well no. I'm not mad at him. Annoyed? Yes. Mad? No" He replied curtly. You knew you could push a few more questions before Kei got to his breaking point. "Well, why? What did he do this time?" You asked, resting your chin on your hand. "Nothing" Kei stated with a note of finality in his voice. Signaling to you that he didn't want to speak about his brother anymore.

But you didn't care. You knew what this was really about, and against your better judgment, you decided to push your agenda. "Clearly, it's something. You don't give dry ass responses to your brother for no reason Kei" You spoke, the textbook in your lap long forgotten. Tsukishima scoffed, "Please. I give dry responses to everyone". You raised an eyebrow, "You don't give dry responses to me" You insisted.

"You're different. Plus I did give you dry responses when I first met you" He claimed, still staring intently at his textbook. You sighed heavily. "Kei, you can't keep holding on to what your brother did. Yeah, it was wrong but he apologized and it happened years ago–" You started before you saw Tsukishima's hand curl into a fist. "Don't speak on things you know nothing about" He said, through gritted teeth.

You narrowed your eyes, was he fucking serious? "What the hell are you talking about? I was there Kei! So was Tadashi and that other kid, I know what I'm talking about" You argued. Finally, for the first time in this whole conversation, Tsukishima turned to face you. If looks could kill, you would be dead on the spot. His honey-colored eyes glared at you and his eyebrows were furrowed causing creases between them.

"Clearly, you don't. If you did, you would know it's not that easy for me to let something like that go. He lied, Y/n" Kei snapped, his glare not once faltering. "Everybody lies Kei. You're smart enough to know that also applies to your brother" You explained, staring at the blonde in disbelief. Why was he so adamant about holding on to this? What was the problem? "That's not the point." He huffed, turning around again.

"Then what is the point Kei?"

Tsukishima just shook his head, returning to his work. You blinked, was he ignoring you now? Wow, so childish. You huffed through your nose and picked up your discarded textbook, "I seriously can't believe you haven't gotten over this yet" You uttered, flipping the pages to the right chapter.

And there it was.

The time bomb finally stopped ticking.

Next thing you knew, Tsukishima slammed his textbook shut and swiveled around in his chair at the speed of light. His face was red and he was shaking, in what you assumed was anger. This, however, wasn't an unfamiliar sight. You and Kei have argued before and you guys would argue again. You were both fireballs, and you know what they say about fighting fire with fire...

"Get out."

"I'm sorry, are you having a tantrum?"

"I said: GET OUT!"

You flinched slightly at his raised voice. You watched how his anger subsided for a hot second before he sat down and returned to his textbook. All you could do was scoff and pack your stuff. He always did this, you always tried to help him. Always tried to get him to open up and what did you get in return? Anger, that's what you got. Every fucking time. You zipped up your bag and flung it over your shoulder before storming out of his room, slamming the door behind you.

You put your shoes on as fast as you could, but it was a little hard to do so with the tears clouding your vision. "Hey" Akiteru spoke softly, sitting next to you on the stoop. You sniffed, "Hey. Kei and I finished studying. So I'm leaving if I could get this stupid shoe on–" You claimed, as you struggled to get your left shoe on. Akiteru took your shoe from you, "I heard you and Kei arguing... you don't need to defend me y'know" He stated as he helped you slip on your shoe with ease.

"I know but he's being such a dick about it. You already apologized, what more does he want?" You asked rhetorically, wiping the tears in your eyes. Akiteru only shrugged, "I don't know what he wants. But I do know he has every right to be upset with me. I lied to him for three years, I would be mad at me too" He spoke, whispering the last part.

"You had a good reason tho–"

"But that doesn't make it okay"

"I know but–"

"Y/n. Kei will forgive me on his own time. I can't force him and neither can you. All I can do is wait and all you can do is support him. I get the feeling he isn't pleased with his girlfriend siding with his brother" Akiteru joked lightly. He gently patted your knee before standing up and stretching.

"Now c'mon, let me drive you home"

The next week was a nightmare. Tsukishima didn't speak to you and vise versa. If he wanted to be an asshole, then so be it. He'll never catch you trying to help him again. But... you'd be lying if you said you didn't miss him. You missed how he would walk you to class, how you two would sit in the courtyard together for lunch, how you would walk him to volleyball practice before going to the library to wait for him. The list goes on, Kei was a big part of your life whether you wanted to admit it or not.

"Y/n! Y/N!"

You turned around to see blue and orange bounding toward you at full speed. You quickly step sided before they collided into you. "Hey Hinata, Kageyama, what's up?" You asked, looking at the two boys trying to catch their breath in front of you. Suddenly they both bowed simultaneously, "Please tutor us!" They asked in unison. You chuckled nervously as students passing by gave you three weird looks. "Uh.. sorry guys but my marks are fairly average. I don't think I'll be any help to you" You claimed, rubbing the back of your neck.

"Please? Tsukishima won't tutor us anymore! He's been a real jerk lately" Hinata huffed, his cheeks puffing out slightly. "More like an asshole" Kageyama commented before quickly stuttering out, "S-Sorry! I know he's your boyfriend–". You held up your hand, "It's okay, I know. He's been the same way with me. I could tutor you guys before practice if you want?" You suggested.

"Yes! Thank you so much Y/n! You're the best!"

Hinata hugged you tightly and you patted his head. "You're welcome Hinata, I'll meet you guys at the gym later" You confirmed, before pulling away and walking to your next class.

Why did you agree to this again?

You loved Hinata and Kags, you saw them as little brothers but.. these boys are idiots. You wanted to tear your hair out. Letting out an exasperated sigh, you tried to explain the formula to them one more time. "Come on guys, it's not that hard" You claimed, leaning your head in your hand. The gym floor was hurting your butt and you couldn't wait for Daichi to show up so you could leave.

Not to mention, you wanted to get out of here before he who shall not be named shows up. "I'm sorry Y/n, I just don't get it," Tobio said, erasing his paper for what seemed like the hundredth time. You sighed, "Y'know what? It's fine. We'll pick this up again tomorrow, you guys have to get ready for practice anyways" You stated as you started packing your stuff. The boys nodded following suit.

You bid them goodbye as you left the gym. Once you turned around to head home, the last person you wanted to see was standing a few feet away from you. Tsukishima stared at you, his eyes widen by a fraction, probably surprised as to why you were in the gym. Next to him was his right-hand man, Yamaguchi. Tadashi just looked between the two of you before heading off to the club room on his own. You didn't blame him, the tension in the air was thick.

"Hey stranger"

"Hey."

You walked to Tsukishima, deciding enough was enough. As much as you hated to admit it, you missed your sarcastic bean pole of a boyfriend. When you stopped right in front of him, he nodded towards the gym, "What were you doing in there?" He asked. Ugh, you got a migraine just thinking about it. "I was trying to teach your friends some math turns out I overestimated how smart they were," You said, looking up at your boyfriend. "Yeah? Well, that was your first mistake" He replied, the smallest of smirks gracing his lips.

You smiled sadly, looking down at your feet, "I miss you" You muttered. You fully expected Tsukishima to pretend to not hear you and make you repeat yourself like he always did. And you two would makeup and all would be good again. But.. he didn't do that. Kei lifted your chin with his fingers to make you face him. He then wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to him. You, of course, hugged him back as he mumbled something against your hair.

You stifled a giggle as you leaned back to face him. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Can you repeat that?" You asked sweetly. "Really Y/n?" He groaned. You nodded, looking at him expectantly. Kei rolled his eyes before looking at you seriously, "I missed you too. And I'm sorry for being a dick" He apologized, kissing your forehead tenderly. A small pout formed on your lips, "Why are you sorry? I pushed you and that's on me. You'll forgive Akiteru on your own time, and I'll support whatever you do. Whether that's giving him forgiveness or the silent treatment" You declared, holding his face in your hands.

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, "Stop being so dramatic, it's annoying. But, you were right. I can't be mad at him forever. He's been trying to make things right since then and I guess I pity him" He explained, still holding you in his arms. "Hm. Well, take it slow, there's no rush. Akiteru will be happy either way. Now go to practice, you're late" You scold, pulling away and pushing your boyfriend towards the gym. Kei grabbed your hand before you walked off, "Hey Y/n?". You hummed in response looking back at him. Your heart skipped a beat as he looked at you with nothing but love and admiration in his eyes.

"I don't what I'd do without you, so thank you for being in my life"

You smiled widely, pressing a soft kiss to Kei's lips, "Aw, look who's being dramatic now".

In the end, you never found the answers to your questions. And that's okay. Because you'll support Tsukishima in all his endeavors, petty or not. Because that's what partners do for each other. Tsukishima wasn't over his brother's betrayal and even though you didn't really understand why... that was okay. Because this was about him, not you.

And so, you got over it.

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just-like-playing-tag · 3 years

Text

A Letter from Norman reactions

Tonight I was feeling like reorganizing the notes I took after reading the novel for the first time. Just some random personal reactions I had after reading it; if anything catches your attention and you'd like to know more about a particular event from the novel, please feel free to ask and I'll be happy to help!!!

Under the cut because it's l o n g. That is, if Tumblr allows me to add a "read more", which has never happened before, but I'll keep hoping in it.

• Disclaimer: I'm suing anyone who ever said that the novel is all about NorEmma. I've literally put off reading it because I didn't want to get into something overly romantic while there's??? Nearly nothing about it that is romantic??????? Just a slight mention in that last chapter and that's it???????? Why are y'all like this

Prologue

• I need you all to know that the important letter™ through which Norman informed Emma about his plan starts with him describing the weather. I just think it's a relevant information.

• Ok I'm at freaking page 1 of “A letter from Norman” and. NORMAN IT'S A FREAKING LETTER TO EMMA NOT A SHAKESPEAREAN PLAY THERE'S LITERALLY NO REASON TO BE THIS POETIC

Maybe, I would get it if it was directed to Ray, but to Emma?????

Chapter 1

• Emma in 2038: Let's befriend ghosts

Emma in 2047: let's befriend demons

Seems like a logic consecution to me

• Ok but why has nobody ever mentioned the extremely precious Emma / Gilda moments in the novel???? My heart was completely melting that was the most adorable thing I've ever read??????

• The way Norman is constantly in awe of Ray is so adorable... Baby is so sweet I swear, he deserves the world

Chapter 2

• OK BUT THE SWEET EXCHANGE between Ray and Isabella before him and Emma go out at night?????? Ray is so pure is swear... He's a precious baby who didn't deserve all the shit he went through.

Reporting it in case anyone's curious; for context, Norman is sick, and Emma wants to go out look for a flower that she's read is going to help him feel better. Emma and Ray are convinced that Norman is going to die because babies are just that dramatic, and easily impressionable as well. They're seven here.

“ «Ray, I'm counting on you!»

Isabella pressed an hand on the boy's shoulder, who turned his face to her and diligently nodded, before continuing: «Differently from Emma, I don't think the flower is going to help Norman heal».

«What do you mean?»

«However, it's better than having to sit back and watch without doing anything. I too, like her, want him to heal as soon as possible.»

«Sure, I understand...» ”

NOW that hits so hard. You have to understand, this is after Ray had made the deal with Isabella. He had already started to plan the escape. In this occasion, he was on a very thin line: alone at night with Emma, outside the House, a child who knew the truth. Isabella knew those were the right conditions for him to attempt an escape, so she decided to test his loyalty; one misstep, and their deal - which was fundamental for the escape Ray was planning - would have ended.

But at the same time, Ray needed to go. Because, just like Emma, he just couldn't stand to lose Norman. And to see these three children caring so deeply about each other even at such a young age makes me honestly bawl. This is quite certainly my favorite thing from this series. And Ray deserves the world.

• Ray was so determined to save his two friends, he even considered for a moment, in the woods, to tell Emma the truth about the orphanage. I find it very nice how the novel hinted of all these times Ray almost revealed the truth, it really puts emphasis on how he was trying to find the best moment for the escape- but it also hints to how desperate he was to share this grievous burden he was forced to carry for the longest time.

• “ Ray, you must keep on living, Norman whispered to himself like a prayer. ”

I'm... I'M 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Doesn't help the fact that this bit was literally at the end of pages of Norman praising Ray and how brave he had been for so long.

• “ Nobody in the House would have wanted for Ray to pay with his life to amend the silence of all those years. ”

I love this bit. Nobody between the children ever hated Ray for speechlessly assisting to dozens of his siblings being lead to death, because they all immediately understood how much he was suffering, how powerless he must had felt, and also, even though it only led to him being even more hurt, how deeply he loved them all. It's really nice to realize that no children ever hated Ray- no one besides from himself. His siblings love him unconditionally, and that's precisely what he deserves 🤧🤧💕💕💕

• Norman: *adventures in a detailed description of Ray's features and gestures for no other apparent reason than the fact that he finds him pretty*

Chapter 3

• Ok I know people use to see Ray and Susan's interactions under the light of Ray having a crush on her but honestly? I think they make the cutest brotp. I never knew how much I needed Ray-having-an-older-sister content untill now.

• For real though!! What hits you really hard is to find out, even though he would had never ever showed it, how desperate he was to have somebody care about him, and to be loved. He literally grieves for losing someone that looks after him and is there to check on him in his lowest days- we know it's the thing Isabella never gave him. Man, this boy didn't deserve all the shit that happened to him. Tpn may have become an old known story for me, but Ray's sufferings in his early age will never stop tearing my heart apart.

• Ok, I wasn't ready for all this angst on Ray's part. I mean, I obviously know GF were hard times for him, but I didn't expect for him to take over the pov. Sis, how wrong I was. Now I'm crying.

• Coming to the realization that Ray's initial plan actually was to bring everyone in the escape, but he clearly had to give up on it after having realized it would have been impossible to save them 🥺🥺🥺

(I mean it was not impossible. He believed it was. But it wasn't.)

• Ok but. The last part of the Ner chapter. I really don't want to spoil it for anyone because it really was a beautiful chapter but I really need to say: Emma and Norman. The way it wasn't just Ray always being there for them, protecting them from afar; no matter their blissful ignorance, they have always been there for him too. They never abandoned that lonely boy, and they made it so that he could have a last reason not to give up. A single, dim light of hope in that pitch black, devastating world he was born in. I may or may not be crying my eyes out.

(Btw I had written this before the Ray special chapter came out, and it's kinda funny to look back at it now)

• The thing with the Ner chapter is: you enter in it after reading two chapters of normal, wholesome children's stories. There's a dark undertune in it, but it's very subtle and it doesn't interfere with the happy, cheerful atmosphere of these children facing adventures together with each other. But then the Ner chapter strikes, and the Ray pov arrives, and it's like being beaten with a bat in the stomach several times. Deep down, you had always known it; but you suddenly realize that all these children are going to die. And, even worse, there's one child who knows. There's one child who has to assist to everything powerlessly. There's one child, one freaking-nine-years-old who knows that all his siblings are going to die, and there's nothing he can do. That a single mistake could ruin the chances of making just two of his siblings survive, which is everything he's hanging to right now. One child who only needs to be loved. Well that... That hits hard.

Me expressing my thoughts: girl this form is shit you can't write something that is understandable to save your life can you

• Also can we please appreciate Norman taking so long to get out of the forest as it's a recurrent characterizzation of his character to be desperately willing to live just *French chef kiss*

• I really like how the novel underlined how Norman's choice of sacrificing himself corresponded to a betrayal toward his friends (when you think about it, Emma definitely felt betrayed). It's almost like in his last moments Norman chose to switch roles with Ray, taking on his shoulders the burden of being both the traitor and the sacrifice.

Chapter 4

• Norman: * “ He instinctively closed his eyes and abandoned himself to the sweet memory of that time he understood how deeply loved he was. ” *

Somewhere, Ray: Can't relate

• Emma: Norman, what you want to do when you grow up?

Norman: It's a secret.

Me:

• “ Ray woke up before everyone, as usual. ”

A remarkable detail. You'd think Ray, as a good depressed person as he is, would sleep more than the average. The truth is: he doesn't sleep at all.

• Norman: There's... Another person I like

Me:

• OK NOW WHY did none tell me about the nine (9) lines of Norman / Don interacting it was worth reading the novel solely for that.

• WHY DID NONE TELL ME ABOUT DON ALMOST STRANGLING NORMAN AND MAKING HIM LITERALLY PASS AWAY IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH READING THE NOVEL SOLELY FOR THAT

• Reading about Conny being there hurts a lot but reading about Sadie and Hao brings up a totally different kind of pain. Also who the hell is Cindy?

• Norman: Oh yes, Emma and Ray, my most dear friends, my closest siblings, the reason I wake up in the morning, my only reason to live, the ones I'd entrust my life with,

Also Norman: Dunnot in the last thirteen hours and six minutes they have been acting pretty sus, I'm kinda sure they're betraying me somehow ://

• “ «I agree, but it feels like you've fallen down a rabbit hole. You're restless, you constantly look off...» said the raven haired boy, distorting his mouth in an hardly intelligible grimace and giving his friend a meaningful look.

«Norman, about that mysterious girl...»

«No, you're mistaken! I...»

Norman, filled with frustration, raised up his voice, starting to lose the coolness that was usually characteristic of him.

«But I haven't said anything yet!»

That being said Ray, with slightly mocking doing, turned on his feet and went away, leaving Norman like that. ”

I LOVE THIS BIT SO INEXPLICABLY MUCH I'm always *so* in for Oreo finishing each other sentences / reading each other's thoughts. Here, Norman answered Ray's question before he could even expose it, because he already knew what it would have been. Equally, Ray knew what Norman was going to say even though he cut his answer halfway through.

I love how much on the same page they are, they really... Totally and fully understand each other even without words, and I find it so sweet. Seriously, their dynamic is so wholesome

• Norman's last birthday gift: the thing that matters the most to him: his family's happiness

Emma's reward: the thing that matters the most to her: her family's happiness

Some things hit harder than others.

• I don't know like. When you read the novel after the series has ended, everything hurts so much more, because you know these are all memories Emma has lost forever.

• So you made colorful clothing by "coloring old clothes"? Have fun realizing y'all have celebrated Norman's birthday wearing your dead siblings' clothes

Bonus this epic note I randomly took I completely forgot the context of:

• Isabella is a bitch. I don't give a fuck about your dramatic past woman, leave that boy alone

(When the protect Ray mood hits™)

#tpn #the promised neverland #a letter from norman #tpn norman #tpn emma #tpn ray #full score trio #oreo #tpn analysis #mine #I don't even like Stark I just used the gif for the sake of reactions #I should have used facepalming Ray™ instead #Let me know if you want my reactions for the second novel as well!!!#tpn novels

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colemacgrathtkz · 3 years

Text

Buying time

Previously. Next

Fair warning: This one is long.

A few days after her return, Noceda made her way into the Blight manor. She hadn't seen anyone else from the "good old days".

Today, Amity should be finished moving back into her old room. Now that the "empress" had returned, Luz needed a place to stay.

The Owl house didn't seem like it would be accepting new tenants. Amity said she could stay at the "New Coven" HQ. Belos's former castle might as well be put to good use.

Stepping through the front door, she expected to be greeted by either stuffy parents or mischievous siblings. Neither seemed to be home. Just a familiar face waiting to report her news.

Luz: "Good afternoon, my lovely gf! I'm ready for my homecoming party!"

Amity: "I've already updated Willow and Augustus. They should be ready to speak with you after some time."

Luz(folding her arms): "Why so formal, Blight? Is it the house? Maybe we should get our own-".

Amity: "Everyone's going to need time to take all this in, even me. But what about you? Any trouble moving back into your old castle?"

Luz (sarcastically): " You mean Belos's hand-me-downs? You know, after I killed him. Not so bad once you get passed the stares and constant reminders of who I was."

Amity: "Sorry."

Wait, why was she apologizing?

Luz nonchalantly shrugged.

Luz: "Meh, there was vacancy."

Speaking of vacancy, even for a big house, this was unusually quiet.

Luz( jokingly): "So, when's the party? I want to see everyone. Where are they?"

Amity: "That's going to have to wait. My family's already on their way to a conference. We'll be gone for four days."

Luz: "Sounds like high class stuff. Perfect for a romantic getaway, like in the movies. Ok, I'm in!"

Amity: "You can't come."

Luz( pouting): "Huh, why not? I was technically at the top of this food chain. What could possibly stop this empress from returning to high class society?"

Amity: "Me. Remember, everyone was afraid of you. You're supposed to be a secret. Everyone at HQ has orders not to mention you being back."

Sticking her hands in her pockets, the sulking latina turned to leave.

Luz: "Fine! I'll just hang out with Willow and Gus."

Amity: "Those two are busy. Willow has official coven business. Augustus works with his father. They can't drop everything just because you're back."

Stopping mid step, she glanced back to hear about the others.

Luz: "Eda? King?"

Amity dodged her gaze.

Amity: "We haven't been able to reach them. They left Bonesborough to cure the curse... with Lilth."

For a brief moment, red flickered in Luz's eyes. Unfortunately, Amity caught glimpse of that. She made her way to the staircase.

Amity: "Enjoy the alone time."

Being left alone wasn't a fun thought.

Luz: "Hold on, you sure there's no way I could tag along?"

Amity: "Not without some assurances."

Luz: "Like a certain glowing circle floating in midair?"

Got her...

Amity: "The everlasting oath will only work if we're both on board with this. If you're willing to promise give up your magic, it could work. Just for four days, ok? I want to breathe easy. "

Luz: "Ok, but on one condition. We don't tell anyone else about this. There's probably a line of witches who want to take a shot at me."

A purple halo was spawned before them. Amity held her hand out, ready to begin. But just as Luz held out hers, it crackled. A burst of red in its hue, it zapped both their wrists before dissolving. The slight scorch marks seemed to send a clear message.

Amity( disappointed): "I knew this wouldn't work."

Luz: "Hang on, one more time. Close your eyes."

If you looked up "suspicious" in the dictionary, you'd see this moment.

Amity's narrowed eyes tried to read Luz's intentions. The suspect raised her right hand and put the other one on her chest.

Luz: "No tricks, I swear."

Complying with her request, Amity didn't peek.

Luz's eyes darted for the closest reflective object. Settling on a mirror, she knew who else was staring back.

Luz( mouthing the words): "Come on, help me out here."

Trying once more, two hands joined together without fail.

Luz: "See? No sweat. Now, when do we leave?"

Amity: "Tonight, I'm almost done packing. But there's something else I've got to say. My family's arranged for all of us to have our own rooms, for privacy. So..."

Amity brought a hand to Luz's face, smiling.

Amity( patting Luz's cheek): "Good luck finding a last minute vacancy."

And with that, a slack jawed girl was left to wait at the door.

Luz: "Fine, I don't need magic. I've got a dangerous rep!"

[The morning after Luz's return, at New Coven HQ]

Gus: "We've got to drop everything and deal with this!"

Amity: "No, we need to focus. How did she even get here?"

Willow(sarcastically): "Maybe you can find the answer at your next book club meeting? Spoiler alert! Luz's pages ahead of us."

Gus has been working with his father. Though, keeping his finger on the town's pulse was definitely a useful thing. From hearing rumors to reading reports, Gus was the group's ears.

He'd barged into Amity's briefing. Reports of crystal balls disappearing overnight. That definitely seemed like New Coven business.

Of course, it seemed like a good time to inform them of last night's visitor.

Gus: "This can't a coincidence. First, she shows up. Then, robberies happen all over town, overnight! What next? The town gets knee deep in a potion flood?"

Willow: "That doesn't sound that bad, all things considered."

Gus(hysterical): "Oh, sure! Why don't we just ask our former dictator? Hey, Luz, how bad are things going to get?"

They took the news about as well as could be expected.

Gus: "We can't just ask her. She'd probably get scary and wipe out the town."

Willow( putting a hand on Gus's shoulder): " Come on, Gus, this is Luz we're talking about. She's got a big imagination. She'd probably come up with something way worse."

Ok, that's enough panicking.

Amity: "She's not going to wipe out Bonesborough... today. Look, right now we've got questions that need answers. And each of us still have jobs to do. Augustus, I want you to keep up to date on the investigations. Willow, I need you to go to the tree. The portal's gone, but there might be something left behind. Anything that could give us a hint.

Get to it!"

This was normally the part where everyone's dismissed. But Willow waited to shut the door behind Gus.

Willow: "Now that he's gone, we need to clear the air."

Amity just sat down, resting her head on her arms.

Willow: "Do you know why I became your personal assistant?"

Amity(sheepish): "Because you're that nice of a witch and couldn't let me fall apart?"

Willow: "Luz meant alot to us. But she meant a whole lot to you. If anyone was going to get her back, it was you. You were the key to seeing her again. And I wanted to be there to see my friend again.

...

Guess I dropped the ball on that one, huh?"

These two might not be friends, but they had each other's backs.

Willow: "So, do you trust her?"

Amity: "I don't know."

Smirking, Willow wrapped one arm around Amity's shoulder.

Willow: "Well, maybe we can do something about that? See, while you were obviously crushing on her from afar..."

Amity(slightly blushing): " Obviously?!"

Willow(smug): " I was learning up close about schemes, plots, and ruses from a master of shenanigans."

Willow's confidence had improved.

Willow: "I've got a plan. If everything goes well, you might get everything you hoped for.

Twoo wuv's kiss saves Luz and both of you get a happy ending."

She took jabs at her new boss when she could. Payback for the years of bullying.

While Amity became beet red, Willow continued.

Willow(whispering): "Here's what you need to do..."

[Bonus]

The afternoon after the conference, at the Blight manor.

The "undercover" duo knocked at the Blight manor entrance.

The family should be back, by now.

They were met by the twins, Emira and Edric.

Willow: "We need to talk to Amity."

Emira: "She's sleeping."

Gus: "It's four in the afternoon."

Edric: "She didn't get a wink, last night."

A smiles appeared on Amity's siblings.

Edric: "Want to see why?"

Not even waiting for an answer, he brought up a scroll. The footage was ready to go.

Edric: "We had a ball to cap off the night."

Emira: "But Luz wanted to do something special."

There, on the screen, Luz stood in the spotlight. Holding the mic and a spanish guitar, she broadcasted for the dance hall.

Luz: "This one goes out to a special someone here tonight. It's called, 'You're in my heart'."

Amity could be seen hiding her face, as she tried to excuse herself.

Emira: "We told her, Amity left during her performance."

Edric: "So, she asked for our help in finding mitten's window."

Pulling up another recording, this one seemed to take place outside.

Luz: "I saw this in a movie, once."

As the shot panned out, the eyes of these two detectives nearly popped out at the screen. What they saw could only be described as an army of Luz clones. The one up front, holding the guitar, began to play. The rest of them sang behind her.

Luz army(echoing): "Love of my life, you've hurt me.

You've broken my heart, and now you leave me."

The Blight twins collapsed from laughter.

The two guests looked at each other.

Gus(confused): "Are we... sure that's not the real Luz?"

Willow: "I thought Luz wasn't supposed to do magic?"

Edric(astounded): "That's why she asked for our help!"

Emira: "I just thought she was trying to get in good with her future in laws. Those powers glyphs weren't a bad start."

Before Willow could ask about that, Gus had his own question.

Gus: "When did you even learn this song?"

Blight twins(in unison): "Last night."

Willow: "No one tried to stop her during any of this?"

Emira: "People were too sacred they'd set her off. I mean, even we had trouble believing she wasn't going to start... you know."

Edric: "That is, until she wanted to pull something over on Amity. And really, who are we to try and stop her from redeeming herself?"

Emira: "Yeah, shame she made Luz walk home."

Slowly, Willow pieced together a realization.

Willow: "Time's not up yet and she's walking back alone.

Wait, did you post this on Penstagram?!"

Author's note:

Admittedly, the bonus was inspired by this moment in the show

and a song on the radio.

#Broken! Luz AU #Story I pieced together #lumity #the owl house #luz noceda #amity blight #toh #willow park #Gus Porter #Emira Blight #Edric Blight #luz x amity

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ladylizabooks · 3 years

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Tender is the Flesh Review

Rarely does a book make me dread turning the page.

I think the last time that happened was in fifth grade while reading Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, believe it or not. That gut-wrenching horrible feeling in your chest when you know you're about to read something horrifying in the next paragraph, on the next page, that you put the book down for a second, breathe out, and remind yourself that it's just a story. It's not real. But you can't help but feel scared to keep on reading anyway.

Funnily enough, I knew Tender is the Flesh was going to be that kind of story (as I know The Troop by Nick Cutter will be when I eventually get to it). Disturbing horrifying material is my bread and butter when it comes to novels. Don't ask me why, I've never quite figured it out for myself. Point is, I kept on hearing this and that about this book and how it was not, was not, for the faint-hearted or people with weak stomachs and laddy doddy da. So of course I had to check it out, right? Peeps... I was not prepared. And let me tell you now: if body horror, gore, blood, animal cruelty, or topics such as slavery, rape, abuse, and cannibalism are not to your taste... make a hard ass u-turn, honey. You will not like this book.

Let's start with what I consider the most important theme of this whole thing is, shall we? The power of words. The absolute influence words have in the world our main character, Marcos, finds himself unwillingly part of. A deadly virus has infected all animals on Earth, tainting their meat and making it impossible for humans to consume without poisoning themselves. But of course, instead of adapting to plant-based diets like decent, civilized beings, human meat starts looking tasty. Through the power of words, the media, the government, the world convinces itself that the only way for society to survive now is - you guessed it - eating human meat. Select humans - oh, sorry, Head - are raised like animals (their tongues are cut out so they cannot even speak) for slaughter, their special meat sold at butcher shops for the average family to devour at dinnertime, hunt for sport, or exploit in other horrifying ways. These people - yes, people - are seen as nothing more than livestock by the other characters, constantly referred to as "the male", "the female", "Head", "it", and other terms meant to dehumanize them and strip them of their autonomy. A malignant, very real, very believable method humans have used to justify countless atrocities throughout history, as the characters in this story do with their own.

Marcos... Oh, Marcos. I won't spoil anything, obviously. I want these reviews to be spoiler free. But damn, boy. I was really rooting for you. I really was. Here I was hoping that Marcos, because of the drama with his sister, the nostalgia he feels for the past, the way he feels horrified by his line of work but feels obligated to do it because he depends on the money to help his father, his unwillingness to eat special meat and his disgust with those who do, his growing feelings towards Jasmine the longer he keeps her - because of all this, he would challenge the status quo and really make some sort of impact. But you betrayed me, Marcos. You betrayed me, man. In the end, you and your wife were nothing but scum like the rest of 'em. I won't say in what way, but wow. I don't blame you, though. It was the direction Agustina Bazterrica decided to go with, and something I could've done without. It was a change, twist - whatever you want to call it - that came out of nowhere, was completely against the arc set up throughout the beginning and middle of the novel, and which leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

But, you know, maybe that's what the story was going for? To be as depressing and dark as it could possibly be? I've heard complaints about the story offering nothing new in terms of creating a discussion about the marginalization of certain people, the dehumanization of women, and other broader themes of that nature that the story touches upon but never quite seems to go into depth with. That it's only purpose was to shock and horrify. And, after having some time to reflect and look at the story as a whole, I have to concur. It succeeded in being as vile and thrilling and ugly as it could be (which I like), but it failed to explore any meaningful or thoughtful moral themes that could've really made it shine and given in that extra kick it needed.

Overall, I give Tender is the Flesh a strong 3/5. And it'll be a long time before I manage to forget that awful scene in the zoo with the teenagers and the puppies :(

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dingobabywrites · 3 years

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so, in light of recent events, people have been discussing when they think Dean and Cas realized that they were in love with each other. While I 100% believe dean realized in purgatory, I dont think Castiel realized until Dean broke Naomi's connection.

BUT!!!!

I also think that is around the same time Sam realized it too. Obviously Charlie already knew ( " what about Castiel, he seems helpful and..Dreamy" she's a lesbian. That comment wasn't for Her!") I think Charlie was the one to point it out to sam and I think the two of them agreed to keep it to themselves since neither of those two would have been able to handle that information. So, I wrote a little thing about how I think it went down.

I also wanted to give myself an explanation for those wierd looks and mystery note from the end of the episode...so yeah...here's that.

Sam hobbled down the hall to the guest room, his hand still throbbing from knocking Dean unconcious . It was…worrisome, to say the least, that he was having this much trouble with healing from such a minor injury, not to mention the other things that were happening to his body; the fatigue, coughing up blood. Troubling, but, as much as he hated to admit it, worth it. Dean had been pissing him off more than usual lately anyway. It wasn't just the trials. Sure, he was frustrated with Dean for thinking he wasn't strong enough to handle them (he had fought against Lucifer in his own mind for christ's sake) but it was everything else too. His loyalty to Benny still didn't sit right with him. He had been so quick to kill Amy, just because she was a monster. He didn't care that she was just feeding her kid. She was just a monster to him. But for some reason, Benny got a pass. Sure, the guy saved both their asses, he was grateful for that, but even Bobby knew it was wrong.

And then there was Cas.

Sam wanted nothing more, than to tell Dean that he should have learned his lesson the first time with the Angel. It wasn't like he didn't like Castiel. Of course he did. He was appreciative of everything the guy had done for them. Dean was right that he had saved their asses more than once. It was just….at the end of the day, whether they liked him or not, Castiel had betrayed them. He understood that perfectly. What he couldn't understand, was why dean was so suprised by him doing it again. Hell, Dean had been the one to bring up that fact that the guy wasn't acting right since he got back and yet, there he was, praying to him, putting his trust in him again. It was maddening, to say the least. He had tried to talk to his brother about it, but Dean immediately shut down.

So, yeah, his hand was still hurting, but it was damn worth it.

He turned the corner to find Charlie stuffing her things into her duffle. He knocked on the door frame with his uninjured hand. "Hey, there."

"Sam." She half smiled, when she turned around, her eyes still a little bleary from crying. "Hi, I'm just…just packing up to head out and…" she sniffled and plopped down on the bed, covering her face as she began crying anew.

Sam walked into the room and pulled up the desk chair, sitting down in front of her. "Dean told me what happened, while you two were under." He said. "I am so sorry about your mom, Charlie." He placed his hand on her shoulder as she began crying harder. "I know how hard it is to let go like that…"

"Dean was right," she sniffed. "I needed to stop holding on."

Sam let out a bitter scoff and pulled his hand back, squeezing both hands between his legs. "Yeah, Dean's always right, isn't he? Too bad he can't follow his own advice."

Charlie looked up, her eyes sad and confused. "Holding on to my mom was the reason I was stuck there. If he hadn't made me let go, I would have died.we both would have."

Sam shook his head at himself, trying his damndest to let go of his own bitterness to be there for his friend. "Ya, I know. I'm sorry…just…I know you're hurting right now, I just want you to know I'm here for you."

Charlie sniffed again, wiping her arm across her face to dry it before leaning back and staring at Sam. "I don't get it." She said, as firmly as possible.

Sam, leaned back and shrugged. "Me neither, really. I always thought all djinn fed off happiness. It's like every time we figure stuff out, something new comes along to throw us off our game."

"Not that." Charlie said, waving his statement off. Sam looked at her, confused, not sure what she was referring to. She took a breath and pulled a book out of her duffle throwing it on Sam's lap. 'Mystery Spot' By Carver Edlund. "You say these books happened in real life. That everything written in them actually went down…but the past two times I've been around you guys…you certainly dont act like you do in the books."

Sam skimmed the first page of the book and chuckled, tossing it back on the bed next to Charlie. "Yeah, well, things have just been different, I guess."

"So, you used to love and support each other, no matter what and now you just, what? Stopped?" She asked.

"It's…" Sam scoffed and shook his head. "things are just, more complicated now…"

"You maybe, wanna elaborate there buddy?" She asked. "I may be a genius, but a mind reader, I am not."

Sam let out a breath and scrubbed a hand through his hair. He figured it might feel better to at least get something off his chest. "To be honest Charlie, I dont think Dean is cut out for the job anymore."

"Why not?"

"His judgment, for one thing." Sam answered. "I don't know, just ever since he got back from purgatory… he's been…it's like he can't think straight anymore. He used to be no nonsense when it came to killing monsters and only trusting people he knew he could trust and now… I mean, I get it. Purgatory was rough on him, but the guy has literally been to Hell and back. I don't see why this time is any different."

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked softly.

"I mean like, being friends with a freaking vamp." Sam answered, coldly. "Yeah, Benny wasn't like the others, and I get the whole 'brother's in arms' aspect, but it still doesn't make sense." He waved his hand, gesturing back at the book before letting it drop. "That Dean? That Dean would have never put his trust in a monster. That Dean wouldn't let people back into his life that had screwed him over, and now…I don't know, now it's like he just doesn't care about letting people in that who could hurt him, or…people who already have."

"So, it's not just about the vampire." Charlie said. "Who else has Dean been trusting that you don't think he should?"

Sam gritted his teeth and shook his head. "Cas really messed him up Charlie. I mean, the guy already turned his back on us once and Dean just let him back into our lives like nothing even happened."

"Ah." Charlie said, with complete understanding. "Okay, I get it now."

"Get what?" Sam asked.

"I get why Dean has been acting wierd, duh." She said, like it was obvious. Sam sat, staring at her, trying to peice together what puzzle she seemed to have completed. "Oh, my God. Do you really not see it?" Charlie laughed.

"Um, no?" Sam said, skeptically.

"Wow," she scoffed. "And here I thought you were the observant one." Sam waited for her to explain herself, still utterly lost on what she was talking about. "It's Castiel." She said, speaking to him as if he were a child.

"What about him?" Sam asked, hoping like hell that she wasn't talking about the angel brainwashing his brother or something.

"I've read the books, Sam." She said. "I know all about Dean's special Angel friend."

"No." Sam shook his head. "No, chuck stopped writing after Dean went to hell. There's no way you could have a read anything about Cas."

Charlie scrunched her face and bobbed her head back and forth. "Mmmm, not exactly." She reached into her bag and pulled put her laptop, turning it on. "Remember how I said the books were online now?" Sam nodded waiting for her to continue. "Okay, dont get mad," she said as she typed "but, he may have kept writing a little bit longer than you thought…."

"He what?!" Sam said, furious. They had told that dick to knock it off after that stupid convention."How long?"

"Relax." She said, scrolling through some page on her screen. "He stopped after you sacrifice yourself to Hell, actually. It was beautifully written by the way, super emotional, but no one has seen or heard from him since."

'Good!' Sam thought to himself. He felt a little bad for that thought, since Kevin was now the prophet it meant that the reason no one had heard from Chuck was likely because he was dead, but at least no one else could know more about their lives than they already did. "Okay, but what does any of this have to do with Dean? Why would Cas be the reason he's acting wierd?"

Charlie sighed, cringing to her self a little. "Well, as you already know, where there's a fandom, there's most likely fanfiction…"

"I'm aware." Sam said, peeved by the memory of stumbling upon the fanfiction written about him and Dean.

"Look, I'm not saying anything is definite, but alot of people who write fanfiction are really good at reading between the lines." She clicked her mouse a few times before closing her laptop and setting it back in her bag. "I mean, I've read all the books myself, and I totally know that you guys are real people and not some fictional characters, and it's completely not okay to speculate on your lives and feelings or whatever...but I mean, it's kinda hard not to see where they're all coming from."

"What are you talking about, Charlie?"

"Dean said that Benny helped him fight through purgatory, right?" She said. "He met him pretty early on in his time there, no?"

"Yeah," Sam said, still completely bemused, "I guess…Dean hasn't really talked a lot about what happened while he was there. He told me some things, but he never really went into detail."

Charlie nodded and shrugged sheepishly before continuing. "Okay, so he met Benny early on, and Benny told him he had a way to get back, right off the bat. So, why did it take them so long to get out of there?"

"Dean said he spent alot of his time searching for Cas." Sam answered.

"Exactly!" She exclaimed, like that should have been the answer.

"I'm sorry Charlie, I still don't understand what you're getting at here."

"Sam, he could've come back at any point after meeting Benny. They only spent as much time as they did together, because Dean wanted to bring Castiel back with him. Even after everything he did. Don't you think that's a little…suspicious?"

"That's exactly what I've been saying!" Sam said. "Why would he do that?!"

"Yeah, Sam, why?" She said, still trying to lead him. "Why would someone run back into a fire, when they have a way out? I mean, I think you, of all people, would know the answer to that."

Sam gaped at her in shock. It took a minute for him to register what she was implying, but once he did… "Charlie, that's…"

"Just a thought!" She defended before he finished. "I'm just saying that Dean doesn't normally put his trust in people. Except, maybe…the people he REALLY cares about and the people that protect them. Maybe there's more to the story when it comes to his trust in Benny than you thought. I definitely feel like there's more when it comes to Castiel."

"Charlie, come on." Sam laughed a little. " You know Dean. He's…"

"More complicated than people give him credit for." Charlie cut him off. "He also knows how hard it is to let go of the people he loves. He's actually really bad at it. Maybe, worse than you know."

"Charlie," Sam started, before being cut off once more.

"He's definitely more concerned about you than you think." Charlie said firmly, standing up as she did. She began packing once more, keeping her eyes averted from Sam's. "He's not trying to control you, you know. He raised you, Sam. You mean alot to him. You ever think for a moment that he's just really scared for you? Scared of losing you? I mean, back to my point, he is really bad at losing people."

Sam sat in silence, petulantly mulling over Charlie's words. She was right, probably. Dean may have been scared, but it was still possible that he just couldn't hack the life anymore. Sam wasn't some child. And the other stuff she was saying…she was way off base. There was a big difference between reading about someone's and living it.

"I sent you the link to the website I used to read the books." Charlie said as she zipped up her bags. She slung her backpack over her shoulder crossing her arms as she stared him down. "I know you lived through it all and everything, but not every part was about you. There's a few things you may have missed."

"Yeah, I don't think that's gonna happen." Sam shook his head.

"Just a suggestion." She shrugged. "It might open your eyes to a few things you don't understand. I get not wanting to relive those times but…if you ever decide that's something you might wanna do, hit me up. I can tell you what chapters to skip, or whatever. And, if your really curious about Dean's relationship to Castiel, 'On the Head of a Pin' is a good place to start. The torture chapters are pretty rough, and I know you'll want to skip over your parts…but the other stuff.…" she shrugged.

"Okay." He said, at a loss for more words than that.

"You ready to roll?" Dean said, from the doorway, knocking on the door frame before entering the room.

"Looks, like it." Charlie smiled up at him as he entered.

"I didn't interrupt anything did I?" Dean asked looking between her and Sam with concern written all over his face. "You guys look a little spooked."

"Ew, gross, no." Charlie said, scrunching her face at Dean's implications. "Sam, was just helping me with my bags. Right Sam?"

"Uh, yeah…" Sam said, standing up and grabbing her duffle off the bed.

"Eh, come on, you know I'm just teasin ya!" Dean chuckled, jabbing her on the shoulder playfully. "He may have the hair, but the body parts are all wrong, right?"

"Definitely." Charlie agreed.

"Come on." Dean said, tilting his head toward the door. He waited for Charlie to leave the room, then cast a skeptical glance at Sam before following after. Sam was sure he was in for an earful after she left. He began dreading it as he said his goodbyes, anticipating the lecture as he told Charlie she was welcome to comeback at anytime. But it wasn't the only thing on his mind now. After bidding Charlie farewell, he went inside, giving the two of them their time alone. He hesitated for a moment, convinced that the trials were seriously messing with his head if he was even considering this. Then again…

He headed to the library, grabbing a peice of paper and a pen on his way and sat down. 'This is just stupid.' He thought to himself as he wrote down the words 'On the Head of a Pin'. He heard the bunker door open. Dean walked up, the look on his face telling Sam that it was time for his ass- chewing, so he decided to cut it off before it could start.

He clicked the pen closed and stood up, ready to defend his actions. "Okay, look you were right. I-I should laid low. I-I know." He said as Dean approached him."I should have hung back. I'm glad I was able.."

Then Dean grabbed him. Then Dean pulled him into a hug. It wasn't at all what he was expecting. He was lost, but relieved and hugged his brother back.

Dean chuckled and patted his back before pulling away. "What do you say we find our prophet?." Dean smiled, before smaking him in the chest and walking away.

Sam was left to himself, completely bewildered by what had just occurred. Dean had certainly not been acting like himself, but this was a whole new level. Maybe there was some truth to Charlie's words? Maybe he really was just scared? Maybe Sam really didn't know everything about his brother. Now, wasn't the time to think about that, though. Dean was right, the had to look for Kevin. They had work to do. Research.

But Dean had to sleep at some point. Maybe Sam could do a little light reading in that time.

If Charlie was right about Dean being scared for him, who knew what else she was right about?

#destiel #fanfic #destiel crack #crack post #this is not at all what happened #unless

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Thirty-Eight

Table of Content or Part Thirty-Seven

Read here on wattpad

A/N: Question — what song do you think of when you think of Nikki and Viv? I'm trying to see something

Word count: 3.3k

Warning(s): Explicit language, Sexual situations, Drug abuse

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My bare feet hook underneath his thighs the second I realize he's about to finish and he gives a crooked smirk up at me, his breathing beginning to shallow.

Nikki holds my hips still, groaning out as his cum coats the inside of me, causing me to let out a hazey moan, my mind cloudy from our rather lengthy round.

Once he's finished, I'm getting off of him and falling beside him, catching my breath as we recover is silence fore several minutes.

"Are you on birth control or something?" He asks me out of nowhere and I tense up, looking at him.

"Why're you asking?"

"I've been thinking about it since Vince and Sharise had Skylar, for some reason. I mean, I haven't used a rubber since we started dating and most of the time I don't pull out, and we've only had one pregnancy scare in the past, what, like, four years?"

"You've managed to keep track of how long we've been together?" I ask him, pretending to be shocked and he gently hits my arm with the back of his hand, and I chuckle, rolling over to face him, my lips pressing to his bicep for a moment.

I think I'm in the clear, dodging his question, but I'm not.

"I'm being serious, Viv, are you on something or...?" He asks and I lick my lips.

"Maybe my antidepressant affects fertility, I don't know." I shrug, lying through my teeth. "Drugs can cause issues on your end, too, so maybe that's another reason."

"Oh." He replies.

I avoid looking at him, sitting up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed before reaching down to grab his shirt by my feet.

You know those lies, that start simple and small, and then snowball more and more over time and explode in flames from hell that melt the snow and turn it into scalding hot water that leaves third-degree burns on the person that's being lied to? Yeah, we both had lots of those, and that was one of mine.

take a shower and brush my teeth, excited for my plans tonight, and as I start putting makeup up on, Nikki's getting in the shower.

"Are you and Robin going out tonight?" I ask him.

"Uh, yeah. Sparkie's coming, too." He replies and I roll my eyes.

I know they'll go out to a club and hide in the bathroom, shooting up and snorting blow a majority of the time, only leaving to get some drinks.

"My doctor was really curious as to why I needed a refill so soon being that he gave me a month supply a week before Sparkie traded it." I comment to remind him Sparkie's a piece of shit.

"Sparkie learned his lesson, baby." He tells me in a half-chuckle and I raise my brows at myself in the mirror and turn the sink on.

"Jesus fuck, Viv!" He screams, being bombarded with ice cold water for a moment.

"Awe, I'm sorry, maybe Sparkie can sympathize with you." I reply smartly.

He's getting out of the shower, covered in suds, glaring at me, and I take off running with him chasing close behind.

"Spoiled brat!" He calls at me, the both of us naked as jaybirds.

"Trader bastard!" I say back, right before he catches me, pulling me against his wet, soapy body, his hands not skipping a moment to start tickling me.

I squeal, the both of us falling to the floor, my feet and legs kicking out of instinct.

"Don't you do it." He threatens. "Remember what happened last time."

"Not my fault you're a pussy." I reply, immediately regretting it when he starts tickling me again, this time, getting on top of me to pin me down.

He doesn't let up until I'm laughing so hard I'm in tears, and he's tired of struggling with me.

We look at each other for a minute, before he grins and kisses me.

"I gotta finish getting ready." He tells me, getting off of me and helping me up.

"Yeah, I do, too."

I decided a nice trip to Malibu would be a great thing for GN'R. I mean, go to Tansy's house there, have her invite over some of her single girl friends to mingle with the guys, stay over night so they don't have to worry about whether or not they'd be able to crash at their stripper friends' apartment and sleep on the floor that night, have a nice breakfast together the next morning, and just give Axl and Izzy time to really get to know Tansy, because they haven't hung out with her very much, while Slash, Duff and Steven see her almost more than I do.

I glance around the living room of Tansy's Malibu beach house, seeing beach bunnies all around with perfectly tanned skin, bombshell hair and perfect smiles, then look at Steven and Slash, who seem to be having a pretty good time.

They both look like they're in heaven, girls on either side of them, obviously fans of their work on the Sunset Strip back in L.A.

Izzy took a girl up to the guest bedroom long ago, while Axl's just nursing a bottle of Jack, with a beautiful brunette chattering his ear off while he's pretending not to care about what Tansy's doing as she talks to one of her girl friends across the room.

I do a mental head count, and notice my 6'4 blonde is nowhere to be seen.

Maybe he found a girl or two of his own and followed in Izzy's footsteps, taking over a spare room?

I brush it off, deciding it's none of my business and step to the kitchen to grab a Pepsi out of the fridge.

When I pass by the doors that lead to the balcony over looking the ocean, though, I see the outline of someone sitting in the lounge chair.

Recognizing the slender frame, I grab my soda and head outside, Duff looking over his shoulder to see who I am, before smiling at me innocently, bottle of Vodka by his foot and pack of Marlboros on one knee as a sketch pad and pen are being supported by his other.

"Hi." I say as he scoots over to make room for me. "Mr. Social Butterfly." I add, sarcastically.

"Hey." He replies, moving his Vodka over so I won't knock it down with my foot.

"I figured you be eating that up." I motion to the door, referring to the gorgeous girls inside and he chuckles a little.

"I don't know, I haven't really been feeling chicks lately." He tells me and I furrow my brows a little.

"Well, I'm sure she has some boy friends, too, if you're feeling something different." I inform him, knowing what he meant, but he laughs and shakes his head.

"Not like that, Viv." He tells me and I pull my red hair behind my shoulders to get it out of my face, before taking a sip of my drink. "I've been, uh, working on something new, kinda. The lyrics have been going off left and right in my head, I just thought I'd better get somewhere quiet and write them down before I lose them." He explains, holding up his notepad.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I feel like I've intruded, or messed up his groove, about to leave him alone to finish but he puts his hand on my knee to stop me from standing up.

"No, no, it's fine." He insists, taking his hand off of me, not thinking anything of it, despite me feeling warmth radiate from where he touched me.

I ignore it.

"I've already gotten everything I had in mind, so far." He explains. "Just a verse and chorus."

"What's the name of it?" I ask, and he scratches the back of his neck.

"I don't know if I need to tell you. I'm superstitious about this stuff, Viv." He tells me, even though he's completely full of shit.

He just wants to aggravate me.

"It's just the title, Duff. You let me hear you say 'turn around, bitch, I gotta use for you' and this can't be worse than that." I point out and he chuckles, licking his lips before looking at me.

His hand covers the lyrics, exposing the title line of the page.

"Paradise City" is scribbled in his writing and I smile when he moves his hand and let's me read the chorus, and verse that he's gotten so far, a giant smile pulling at my lips.

"Who the hell inspired this?" I ask him, raising my brows.

"Nobody particular." He shrugs. "You like it?"

"I already love it." I tell him.

Not to compare two completely different bands who earned their names all on their own, but there are a few song parallels between Guns N' Rose's Appetite for Destruction, and Mötley Crüe's Girls, Girls, Girls albums.

Guns' Welcome to the Jungle was like Mötley's Wild Side. Paradise City was like Girls, Girls, Girls. Mr. Brownstone was like Dancing on Glass. But my favorite parallel has to be Sweet Child O Mine and You're All I Need.

I remember Nikki had given me a tape of You're All I Need after we got into a massive argument because he thought I was spending too much time with Duff. But he had practically accused me of having feelings for Duff, and even acting on them (which was pretty hypocritical being that he'd been screwing Vanity since 1986 at that point.)

A few weeks later, Nikki convinced me to come down to the studio so he could personally give me a copy of a song he had written me, and me--being excited--decided I wanted the guys to hear it, too.

I went to the Franklin Plaza where Steven, Duff, Slash, Izzy and Axl were hanging out, discussing a meeting they'd had with their label.

When I told them Nikki wrote a love song about me (thinking it was his way of trying to patch up our marriage and say to the world "I love this woman") the guys had to hear it, not believing me.

The ballad started beautifully, tears coming to my eyes, but my warmed heart quickly began boiling in my chest by the time the second chorus ended.

"I don't think this is a love song." Izzy stated, while shaking his head a little.

"Yeah, uh...he's talking about killing you." Axl had told me, everyone seemed slightly disturbed.

"Your girlfriends get Sweet Child O Mine and what does the dedicated wife that has done nothing but love this sick bastard get?! A song dedicated to his deep desire to murder me!"

"Dude, hasn't he actually tried to kill you before?" Steven asked.

Which made the song even more ironic, along with the last line of the chorus, "and I loved you but you didn't love me" which in itself was slap in the fucking face.

I didn't hear the full song at that time because Duff had took it out of the player and stomped it under his cowboy boot.

That pretty much set the tone for the months to come.

"You're also incredibly biased." He replies in the same tone and I nudge him with my elbow.

"You don't know how many songs I have actually had to tear out of Nikki's hand and hide them from him because they were so bad I just could not allow them to be recorded." I tell him.

"Oh, please." He brushes me off.

"Have you heard 'Theater of Pain'?" I ask him with raised brows.

"Yeah."

"Home Sweet Home and Smokin' in the Boy's Room were the only really good ones. And Smokin' in the Boy's Room was a cover. The other songs were songs I didn't know were written, or I would have hid them from him, too." I state and he tries not to laugh, but fails, making himself snort, which kickstarts my laughter.

Once we settle down, he clears his throat, and gets a kind of serious expression on his face.

"I really wish he wasn't on that shit, Viv." He tells me and I don't even have to ask who he's talking about. "I mean, I'm not judging him or whatever because Izzy and Slash are in on that stuff, too, but...I just hate to see he's on it, because it's kinda hard to manage it once you hit a certain point, ya know?" He asks and I nod a little. "I think he's a pretty cool guy...so it sucks to see him act like that."

"It's not that bad, right now." I tell him, completely in denial. "He's still Nikki, he just does stuff he's not suppose to. That's nothing new to me."

"I'm just a little worried, is all." He admits.

"There's no need to be." I reassure him. "He's got a handle on things."

Dear God did I eat those words a week later in Dallas, Texas.

It's like watching a fucking car accident.

Except instead of a car, it's my husband, and instead of a car accident, it's him losing his ever loving mind, crouched on the hotel room desk, as he babbles on, making absolutely no sense as he shouts at his parents who aren't even present.

I just came back from the pool, got a shower, and came in to him doing this.

"Nikki!" I try to get him out of whatever drug-induced show he's on.

"I'm not me! I'm not Nikki! I'm someone else!" He insists, hands yanking at his hair, his eyes completely taken over by an entirely different beast.

I panic, immediately calling Fred.

"The fuck is wrong?!" He asks when I open the door, hearing Nikki's screaming and carrying on and I try to keep the absolute fear that's locking up my system from showing.

"I-I don't know. I got in from the pool and he was kinda jittery but I thought he'd done some blow, but then he started screaming when I was in the shower and now he's--"

Fred gets tired of hearing Nikki's meaningless shrieks at people who aren't in the room with us, and snatches him off the desk.

Nikki hits the floor, and a switch is flipped, sending him into strong convulsions, opting thick, white foam to pour from his mouth.

"Fuck, Sixx!" Fred lets out, turning him on his side. "Get me a roll of toilet-paper." He barks at me and I do as I'm told, saying a very colorful, silent prayer in my head.

He tries to get Nikki to bite down on it to keep him from biting his tongue, but Nikki can't do it. screaming instead.

When I think I can't take the confused, scared, out-of-character shrill, it's like God himself knocks Nikki out, leaving Fred and I in complete silence, riddled with what just happened.

Fred checks his pulse and sighs in relief, looking at me.

"Viv, are you alright?" He asks me, taking deep breaths.

"Y-yeah." I say, nodding, even though I know it's written all over my face that I can't be further from "alright."

"Vivian--"

"I just need a second." I tell him, standing up to go to the bathroom, disguising oncoming tears in a strong, steady voice that's physically uncomfortable to push past the lump in my throat.

I lock myself inside the bathroom and turn the water back on, gripping the counter before I find myself in the floor, quiet sobs rocking through me.

I just want my Nikki back...not this tainted demon nesting himself in Nikki's skin, festering his bullshit in Nikki's mind.

By the time I'm worn down from crying, and tired from lying on the bathroom floor, I pull myself up and open the bathroom door, stepping into the room.

I guess Fred put Nikki in the bed before he left, because Nikki's still passed out, just tucked in the covers.

I get pajamas on, scared to even touch him because I don't want him to start seizing again.

Cautiously getting closer to him, nestling my forehead against his arm, I thank God for the feeling of his pulse under my finger tips in the crook of his arm, and find myself passing out with utter exhaustion.

The next morning, Nikki's really quiet.

I'm not sure if he remembers what happened last night, but I'm not asking him.

After finding a needle and evidence of an 8-ball of coke, he can lick my twat if he thinks I'm talking to him anytime soon.

The video shoot for Home Sweet Home is happening today, and a limo picks Nikki and I up at the hotel, driving us to the venue, neither of us acknowledging the other.

Once we get there, someone's dressing Nikki like a damn toddler, because he's too fucked from last night to dress himself in his done up stage costume.

Nikki was so, so, so, obviously, utterly fucked up when they filmed the music video for Home Sweet Home.

The entire time, he was chugging Jack to try to calm himself down from a high he later described felt like, "being on acid and speed at the same time" and with the way he was acting like he couldn't see a damn thing, I believe it.

He kept sunglasses on a majority of the time so people couldn't see how his eye were practically doing cartwheels.

"Viv, we're about to start, where's Nikki?" His bass tech asks me and I glance around, furrowing my brows a little.

"I haven't seen in him about an hour. He went over there by the stage...at least I think he did." I tell him, stepping over to the last place I saw him. "He was here and..." I trail off, hearing Nikki having a full blown conversation, his voice coming from underneath the stage.

The two of us sit and listen for a moment, realizing Nikki's just talking, taking long pauses, then answering a question that was never asked by anybody, not even himself.

"Who is he talking to?" His tech asks me under his breath so Nikki won't hear.

I roll my jaw, getting fed up.

"Probably the fucking demon he sees and befriends every time he gets high." I state, fully believing that at this point, there is indeed a demon following him around, breathing down his neck, stripping him of his control and cheering him on with each grain of coke, bottle of Jack, cc of heroin and prescription-grade pill.

"Nikki," His tech starts. "Who're you talking to?"

"I'm talking. Leave me alone." Nikki argues.

"Nikki." I state, looking at him.

It's the first time he's heard my voice all day.

"There's nobody there, baby. C'mon." I motion my hand for him to get out from under the stage.

"Leave me alone!" He snaps at me, nearly hissing.

"Dude, calm down, you're freaking out." His tech tells him.

"Nikki, get your ass out from under there or so help me God, I will come in and drag you out by your dick." I promise him.

He puffs up like a pissed off rooster and stomps out, passing by us, grumbling under his breath.

Do you wanna know what was really fucked up about that time? Vince couldn't have a beer without someone losing their mind. He was supposed to be sober. Nikki would bust Vince's balls if he even saw him looking at a bottle...but then Nikki would load anything and everything into his body, simultaneously.

Vince quickly became the odd man out, and had been ever since that night with Razzle. There was this vibe, this tension, that Vince was only kept in the band at that time, because they were getting hotter and hotter, and each member was the ticket to reach their full potential as a band. Each member was important.

Without Tommy, there was no band. Without Mick, there was no band. Without Nikki, there was no band.

And without Vince, there was no band...that was the one that really didn't sit too well with Sikki.

#nikki sixx #vince neil #mick mars #tommy lee #mötley crüe #the dirt

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