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angwlhr3t · 2 months

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How to be a bad bitch ˚₊‧ guide ‧₊˚

no borax, no glue <3

Hey babes.. have you been feeling down lately? not yourself?? unconfident???? Lucky for you I have a step by step guide on how to gain your confidence back ..

so prepare yourself a snack, get comfy, and read on ~ 🩷

SECTION 1 ࿐࿔ FAKE PEOPLE

so ur feeling sad over what others have been saying? why girl?? you are a literal QUEEN

now, we have ALL had that one girl or group of girls that are complete bitches for no reason at all.. wondering why ?

first you need to realize a few things .. NEVER waste your time on people that are lower then u, they just want to see you sad.. and guess what. you are doing exactly. what. they. want. 90% of the time we get upset over other peoples actions or words.. just think.. "are they really worth my time"..? now if a bitch is talking bad about you behind your back just know.. she is intimidated by you girl. you have beauty and confidence that she dreams of. theres a reason shes talking behind your back. Another thing, if another girl calls you ugly.. she is insecure and you are NOT ugly just think .. has she ever called u ugly or made fun of you for something and then turned around and did the same thing? yup that's a jealous bitch for ya.. she is completely jealous of you!! take everthing she says like a grain of salt because that bitch just wants to see you down!! you have something she doesn't which intimidates her!! and remember, you will always be ahead of that girl. nobody can replace the original.

think of it like like shein and their lulu dupes.. sure they get the job done for a little while.. but after a few washes they are run down and good for nothing!! you are worth way more than a jealous bitch trust me.

SECTION 2 ࿐࿔ BAD BITCHES ARE KIND.

there is a HUGE difference between a bad bitch. and a bitch.

you can be a bad bitch without being rude.. and I'ma tell you how!!

okay so in the last section we talked about how to keep your confidence going even though there are people trying to let you down. first off It's good to have confidence but that cocky attitude where you think you are better than everybody is not at all. even if you think you are better than everybody you don't have to put others down to gain your confidence.. karma is 100% real and the energy that you reflect on others will come back and bite you in the ass and that's a fact..

thats another reason why you shouldnt get involved in school drama because it's honestly pointless. always be kind to people even if you don't really like them..

also something I have been struggling with personally and may help u is that not everybody has the same views as you.. nobody is the same and people view things differently than you almost always.. so always be open to others opinions because you can learn a lot and gain some listening skills

SECTION 3 ࿐࿔ PAMPERING

okay so just about every girl loves anything beauty..

so heres some tips and ideas for u <33

hair: okay so for hair I wouldn't wash my hair everyday because it can strip your hair of its natural oils.. I highly recommend hair masks. they are absolutely amazing .. expecially the natural ones !! you can always look on Pinterest for recipes on what you are trying to fix and they almost always work or help.

(for example- hair mask for split ends)

now I live by this.. silk pillow cases.. they are amazing and super beneficial to the skin and hair so are scalp scrubbers!! scalp scrubbers help get rid of dandruff and build up. AND even if you don't have dandruff or buildup they can help get healthy hair !!

makeup: if you are looking to switch up your makeup routine or try something new don't be scared !! try something new on the weekend to see if you like it first!

if you struggle with eyeliner don't give up! use an angled brush and brown eyeshadow instead of liquid eyeliner.. it is so much easier to use and saves so much time.

lips are important girl ! you want your lips to stand out so find your own lip combo that suits u!! aquaphor or Vaseline helps tons with blending out your lip liner.

my opinion but I think everybody looks good with blush on their nose and a little tiny bit of highlighter. it tops the look off and it doesn't leave your nose looking so dull. Also if you havent you should try layering mascaras ! putting on more than one mascara can create a fuller and prettier look. Always remember that makeup is to enhance your features not cover them.. your unique features are what makes you, you !

pinterest is the perfect place to look for makeup inspo.. try something new you might like it <33

skincare: everybodys skin is different.. so never follow just anybody's skincare routine because they have a different skin type than u. what works on their skin might not work on yours.. so be careful what you use and do your research before anything.

Natural ingredients are the best thing for your skin. they are packed with good oils that feed your skin into looking healthy and glowy !

if u want a sharp jawline or to reduce swelling in your face get a gua sha! or you could look up on Pinterest face massages that help with a better jawline they work almost the same. so you want to find a essential oil that targets what you are wanting to fix.

heres some examples <33

oils ᡣ𐭩

avocado oil - helps with preventing signs of premature aging skin, like dark spots

tea tree oil - (used best for acne)

jojoba oil - helps with smooth dry skin, prevent flakiness, and improve skin elasticity

argan oil - helps reduce the appearance of spots, acne scars, dark spots and pigmentation, and dark circles under the eyes.

after you have found the oil for you put a small amount all over your face and massage it In. There is a correct way to use a gua sha so I would look up a YouTube tutorial on how to use it.

Acne is a whole other story.. there are different kinds of acne and not every kind of acne can be treated with the same thing.

but remember acne doesn't make you ugly <3 almost everybody goes through it and it will not last forever.

<3 love -angwl

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fyscuit · 9 months

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ill share thoughts anyway

past few years ive been trying to build the courage to finally take off the ground the story ive been writing* (*in my head because ADHD prevents me from writing) since i was a kid

the story was originally about a character but it developed in a way that his sister became the main character. the way i envision it its a rhythm game patapon style, but i have no idea if its good and i dont have the game making chops to prototype, and i know im no designer, so i kinda gave up on it ever getting made. its just a dream now

some years ago i decided that i could at least make the other side of the story as a visual novel. thats something i can do, and i can explore the world building that way and grow it out and fix anything thats not working in the final game (the dream one that probably wont ever exist)

the visual novel main character is the original main character of the history, the brother, so we're back to square 0 which is funny

anyway I kinda realized just now that the ending i have for this story really messes up with the game story. makes game story ending really unsatisfying and the player would probably want to make different decisions than the ones leading to that. considering game is probably never getting made that shouldnt matter but it was interesting to realize that.

they dont have to be canon to each other anyway (they werent supposed to be)

anyway i wish i talked more about my stories and my ocs :) im happy when people ask about them (happened Once) but im honestly super scared of talking about them because its so personal and i cant deal with rejection about it. its to the point where i wanna make the game / write the story but im afraid of showing anyone I know and want to make a fake persona just to publish it

i should at least get back to drawing them

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violentviolette · 1 year

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hii sorry for the weird question! how should I deal with someone who may be unintentionally manipulating or guilt tripping me? if they're not doing it intentionally I don't want to upset them by bringing it up but if they are I want to let them know that I don't like it. is it possible?

so theres. a lot to unpack here but im gonna start with the fact that just because bringing something up is going to upset someone to hear doesnt mean u shouldnt say it. especially if that thing is that they are mistreating and hurting u

it's pretty much always going to upset someone to hear that the way theyre acting is negatively affecting u. like thats just kind of human nature, they're probably going to get upset and defensive but again, that doesnt mean u shouldnt say something. it is their job to manage their distress at hearing something upsetting, it is not ur job to never upset them

but also, its extreamly concerning that for some reason, if they're doing it unintentially u wouldnt want to bring it up? so ur fine with someone hurting u so long as they dont realize they're hurtintg u? that makes absolutely no sense to me. if someone is treating u poorly, it shouldnt really matter if they know they're doing it or not. u have a right to be treated properly in healthy ways and a right to speak up for urself when that's not happening, no matter what. especially because most people who manipulate and guilt trip and do other negative and harmful behaviors like that, are doing so unintentially. there is no such thing is as the boogeyman master manipulator whose doing all this stuff on purpose to hurt u because theyre a cartoon villain. most people are just normal people who are making selfish decisions without considering or caring how those decisions are going to affect u

but to finally address the actual question, usually its helpful to address the situation directly, but with compassion. and to be as direct as possible. "in x situations, u respond with y, which makes me feel z" i think a lot of times people try to be vague when bringing up issues they're having with someone because they think that will hurt the other persons feelings less, but i find that being less specific is often just counter productive and leads to more issues.

approaching the situation from a place of mutual problem solving and not blame is also probably gonna work the best. things like guilt tripping and manipulation are usually maladaptive defense mechanisms, people do them because they havent been properly taught how to handle interpersonal conflicts in non abusive ways. most likely theyve learned that direct communication doesnt work and will get them abused and so they have to do things like guilt trip in order for their feelings to be taken seriously and have their needs met. so if u start the conversation with stuff like "ur manipulating and guilt tripping me" it's probably gonna make them defensively dig thier heels in and double down and its gonna be harder to get through to them

using language that lets them know that u do care about them and arent going to punish them, but also their behavior needs to change, is usually most effective. framing things as "theres an issue i think we can solve together, heres what i need from u, what are some things u need from me to help make that happen?" as opposed to "ur doing something wrong and u have to fix it" usually works really well

#jack.speaks #anon #i hope that was helpful sorry it was so long but there was a lot i wanted to touch on #because some of those ideas can be really detrimental and harmful to u #reguardless of anything about the other person and their intentions #u always deserve to be treated in healthy ways by the people around u

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wolftheghost · 10 months

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Vent, proceed if you want

Ive been experiencing minor hallucinations today, seeing things on the edge of my vision thst arent there, random flashing lights and little dots n stuff and its honestly terrifying because im now anxious and on edge because im waiting for them to get worse and i know they will because i know the only way to make them go away is to sleep properly and that'd probably stop the numb feelings too but i cant. I cant sleep normally anymore. The fucking self destructive behaviours have caught up with me. Im losing my appetite, i can't feel things properly, my familial tremors were through the roof today and i was trying to hot glue stuff which resulted in burns. I dont want to lose this fight but im scared i already have. I thought I'd see this coming.

I hyperfocused earlier and it lasted pretty much the whole day and i got so much adrenaline it made my hands shaking worse so i could barely work and i just dont know what to do anymore.

Ive started to learn that i might be an empath and i need to explore that but ive been feeling so numb and cut off its scaring me that ive lost connection to the one god i could never run from. I dont know if ive hit a rut or if this is a stage of my development but its terrifying. I have to be doing something or i have to face the numbness but i dont want to do anything anymore.

I feel like a sponge filled with ink.

There are lights peeking through the gloom but im scared they're not enough.

Im so scared.

My mum keeps giving me "advice" on how to deal with my problems but the more i look at it she's trying to get me to act neurotypical and i dont know if thats a conscious decision but i was anxious because i lost my phone and i said i cant search when im panicked and she told me i shouldnt get to that point and i should recognise triggers and that i have tools to deal with them but IM FUCKING ALLOWED TO GET ANXIOUS WHEN I LOSE MY PHONE. IM REALLY PISSES RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I HAVE TO KEEP FIXING FUCKING TYPOS AAAAAAAAAAA

#main blog #tw vent #vent #vent post #tw mental health

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infisonicosm · 1 year

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i will say i do love some nice smut but thats all people ever write about now and it’s tiring seeing the same thing over and over. if you’re gonna write smut at least maybe try to bring something new to the table? or even a multi part fic that isn’t centered around smut but still has a tasteful amount ya know? all of it now is just straight up fucking and hardly even a plot with it. some of the stuff i see i start reading and back out bc its so unrealistic or just straight up (potential tw?) give off r*pe vibes bc its so aggressive and lowkey scary😬 (i get thats not for everyone but yall know which typa fics i mean)

i very much enjoyed reading ms honey and have gone back and read it a good number of times it’s genuinely one of my favorite fics. i also love the other stuff you have on your master list. i miss seeing the sweet and fun fics or even angst. like break my fucking heart please. i know that they don’t usually get as much attention but numbers shouldnt matter and ik its hard to not let it. i highly encourage you to keep writing the stuff that you write bc i eat it up everytime. i was so sad back when you got rid of your master list or whatever happened bc i love your writing and im so glad its back

I know exactly the type of fics you’re describing in the first paragraph. I love a good pwp fic but it does get boring after a while! I want lore to the relationship I’m reading about! Give me a nasty argument and ground breaking make up sex! Give me heartache that only one other person can comfort and fix! Give me sappy love at first sight fics! Theres so much you can build around smut if you give it a try!!!

Ms.Honey is one of my proudest works so I’m really happy you enjoyed it 💕I’ve cut back on my writing because of the response I wasn’t getting. I don’t write for numbers. But exposure is everything when it comes to your favorite authors being successful and a simple like won’t cut it. There’s been people who come to me privately and praise me for my work but I would have never known they like it cause they don’t interact with it. It’s hard to keep posting when you don’t know if people are even enjoying it. That’s why I always make sure to reblog and make a comment on anyone’s writing.

It doesn’t need to be this long extravagant written review but just let us know you liked it and maybe including your favorite part does wonders for us writers.

#tea time with shelly

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merry-the-cookie · 2 years

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i am late to this sleepover but i'd love to know your favorite trope! and for the boys, in fmk style, choose go to a museum with, see a movie with, go to brunch with, and go on a hike with! -hazel

its never too late this sleepovers going on forever idc @allsassnoclass <3

omg favorite trope… thats so difficult i cant make choices gjfksjjf i wanna say, differences to lovers? which sounds weird but i just like a chiller version of enemies to lovers (tho i love that too), and characters who "shouldnt" work together but absolutely do, and complete each other in what the other is lacking. so i guess more clearly i should say opposites attract gjfksjf but not in the uh, im a toxic mf and ur trying to fix me gjfjdd more in a sun and moon type dynamic, which i love. i love love LOVE characters having to learn to understand each other and adapt to each other, and if theres some misgivings and misjudging in the beginning thats just a plus in my book <3

idk if any of that made sense but, yeah!!! And for the second part, omg i thought this would be clear cut but then i struggled to make a choice for ten minutes fjdjJFJDJD

- i would go to the museum with ashton! so we could maybe draw together and talk about life and art and stuff and just be real nerdy and pretentious 💀

- i would go see a movie with michael but not any movie, i wanna watch something nerdy, or like an anime movie. i wanna watch promare or my hero academia two heroes with him gjdksjjf

- i would go on a hike with calum cus i feel he would enjoy it but also he seems patient enough to go on a chill hike with my non-sporty wheezing ass gjdkjs lets just enjoy the scenery and talk abt life and stuff <3

- and finally id go to brunch with luke, which sounds terrifying! but i really wanna just sit down and talk to him about society and gender gjfjJDJD ever since that glimpse of a rant in the amazon livestream ive been wanting to just. 🤝 lets talk mate. ill take the mortifying awkwardness of inital small talk and sitting in front of one another and our similar brands of awkwardness clashing horribly, if it means i can sit and chat while eating pancakes. idk im very passionate about this.

sorry for rambling i just loved these questions fjdjsj thank you <3

never too late for the sleepover

#woop sorry this got a little long 💀#ask #hazel #anon #allsassnoclass #ask game #sleepover game #i rlly loved these gjfkskjfjf #listen ive been thinking abt the luke one #its just #i feel like we re similar in all the bad ways gjdjHFJDJ which ive experienced before #and it doesnt keep me from making friends with ppl like that but man does it make it awkward sometimes 💀#i find it funny but its also what makes luke the most intimidating to me 💀 but i REALLY wanna talk to him fjdjJDJDJS #im talking like this is a tangible possibility lmfao dont mind me <3 #long post

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81scorp · 4 months

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My top 8 movies of 2023

Hey folks! Its that time again! 2023... the year that I finally went back to the cinema again after having been away from it since 2020.* It was also the first time that I got sick after having been healthy and sickness free for four years (thanks to good hand hygiene and social distancing). It was only a matter of time I suppose. But now you dont have to wait to the end of 2024 for my list of movies I saw in 2023 thats ranked according to my own personal taste and bias! Why 8? Because Im not a professional filmcritic who has time to see most of the movies that came out this year and sometimes other duties got in the way. So I only had time to see 8 movies in the cinema**.

(*Unless you count that time I saw No time to die, which was in 2021.) **Actually, I only had time to see 7. One of these films was on Netflix. I was gonna make it a top 7 list but I decided to put it on my list since: A: the film came out 2023. and B: I technically saw it in its intended format since it never had a theatrical release. So its not like I missed an opportunity to see it in theaters.

But anyway, with all the technicalities of the way, here are the movies…

8: Antman and the wasp: Quantumania Scott Lang, his daughter Cassie, Hope Van Dyne, Dr. Hank Pym and Janet Van Dyne are all sucked into the Quantum realm. When trying to get back to their own world they run into an evil man named Kang, hijinx ensue. It did not exceed my expectations but it didn`t go below them either. I expected the usual MCU quality from this and was not dissapointed. Safe and familiar. Not great, not bad, just OK.

7: The Marvels Carol Danvers teams up with her old friends daughter Monica and Kamala Khan, a big admirer of her, thanks to the power of an ancient, alien bling to fight an angry Kree woman who wants to fix her home planet at the cost of other planets, Hijinx ensue. Like Quantumania I didnt expect this to be better than the average MCU movie and was not disappointed. Its higher on the list than Quantumania because Iman Vellani is fun and I like the musical scene. Its OK.

6: Wish Reminds me of Bryan Singers Superman Returns, in that it is a love letter and homage to something that came before it, but other than that it is not much else. I wanted this movie to do better at the box office, but I also wanted it to be better. People are disappointed in this because this was supposed to be a milestone, the movie made to celebrate that the Disney animation studio has been around for 100 years! It just couldnt live up to the hype. But if you take all the hype out of the equation and just view as its own thing its… OK. I liked it more than Pocahontas. The script could have been polished a little and the songs could have been better (especially "This is the thanks I get"). Like I said, it`s OK. Worth a watch.

5: The Super Mario Bros. Movie At first I had some reservations about Chris Pratts voice coming out of Marios mouth, but it quickly grew on me. Wasnt too crazy about Fred Armisens as Cranky Kong though, but he didnt have much screentime. It may be a movie about Super Mario, but it is also made by Illumination, and there were times where I could feel their fingerprints on the movie. Of course, Why shouldnt there be? They made it after all. Yes, but remember, Illumination made Minions, the cinematical equivalent of entertaining a one year old by dangling your car keys in front of them. There was one scene where they used used Ahas "Take on me" that had me scratching my head and wonder if that really was the best song for that scene. Good despite being an Illumination movie. Id tell you to go see it, but judging from its box office theres probably a chance that you already have.

4: M3gan After her parents die in a car accident, eight year old Cady is sent to live with her aunt Gemma who works as a roboticist at a high-tech toy company. Gemma has built a humanoid child-sized doll powered by artificial intelligence called M3gan. M3gan becomes Cadys companion, babysitter and does things that Gemma doesnt have time to do, like play with her and reminding her to flush the toilet. Then after a while, things go sideways and M3gan starts to become overprotective of Cady. This movie reminds a little about the Nighmare on Elmstreet sequels in that it isnt afraid to be silly. Right from the start it tells us with a commercial for a silly toy that it is a comedy and a satire. In that way its similar to Paul Verhoeven`s Robocop. It has comments about parenting, the use of A.I. in todays society and it makes you ask questions, like: Would M3gan have stayed good if Cady had remembered to flush that damn toilet?

3: The boy and the heron Mahito, a young boy who lost his mother in a hospital fire during World War 2 moves into a new home in a rural area to live with his father and his new wife, Natsuko. One day Natsuko disappears and when Mahito looks for her he meets a peculiar grey heron who at first tries to mislead him but then helps him in his search for Natsuko. It takes a while for the plot to get moving and some of the characters feel a little underwritten. That little criticism aside, its an interesting, visually beautiful and very surreal movie. A welcome alternation from the other animated big studio movies that Ive seen so much of lately. The kind that is aimed at such a broad, general audience that you can really feel how focused grouped it was. It is very unapologetically a Miyazaki movie.

2: Nimona In a futuristic medieval kingdom surrounded by a great wall, Ballister Boldheart, the first commoner to become a knight, is framed for the murder of the Queen. When trying to clear his name and prove his innocence he runs into Nimona, a chaotic shapeshifter who helps him in his endeavour. Ballister learns a few things about his sidekick but also about the kingdom he had sworn to protect. It gets a better spot than The boy and the heron because it feels more accessible, like it wanted to reach a wide audience but at the same time still keep some artistic integrity. If I have any criticism its aimed at the character Todd. He feels like a character from an Illumination movie that accidentally wandered on to the set and no one had the heart to tell him that he was in the wrong place, so they just let him be in the movie. It does the "3D that looks 2D" a little better than Wish, is fun and has some sincere, heartfelt moments. Its message is important, not just in this time but had it come out earlier it would still have been just as important. It dares to do a little more than most animated movies that has come out lately and the fact that it was made and released at all with it`s troubled production history is itself pretty damn impressive.

And now… My number one pick…. will be revealed after an honorable mention!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem Its the story that you have heard before: Four turtles and a rat get mutated to a more humanoid shape and size thanks to some goo, they live in the sewers and fight bad guys using ninjitsu. But here is a little new take on that old story: This time the four turtles are curious about and want to be part of the surface world but their mentor and father figure forbids them because he is prejudiced against humans. So its basically "TMNT meets The little mermaid". The Turtles feel more like teenagers in this one than they have in any of the previous movies. It has an anarchic, juvenile charm, deliberately misshapen design on some characters and beneath the immature humor there is also alot of sincerity. Its familiar, different, its funny. Give it a watch.

Why is this an Honorable Mention? Because like Nimona I didnt see it in the cinema but unlike Nimona it did have a theatrical release and in these lists I make Im very much about the movies Ive seen in the cinema, which is the best place to see a movie. Because of that I was hesitant to put it on this list but decided to include it since it came out 2023. Also, I didnt know where to put it on my list. I think I`d place it higher than Wish.

And now… Drumroll please. My number one pick for 2023 iiis…

1: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 If I had a nickel for everytime a movie made in 2023 that had Chris Pratt in the lead role had “No sleep 'til Brooklyn” in its soundtrack Id have two nickels. Which isnt much, but its weird that it happened twice. It has jokes and funny moments but they dont cut off the moments that are sincere and heartfelt, it gives them room to breathe, (take notes Marvel). It feels like the end, not of a book, but of a chapter (because, lets be real, this is Marvel). A chapter has ended and James Gunn made sure to put a lot of work and love into telling a story that would feel right for the characters and their journey. In this day and age where many movies, atleast the Disney ones, have to have badguys with sympathetic backstories, or last minute redemptions, Chukwudi Iwujis High Evolutionary is a welcome change of pace. A modern day Dr Mengele so obsessed with creating a perfect society with the perfect race that he doesnt care who or how many dies in the process. In the end you are really rooting for this guy to get his ass handed to him. Even if it`s made clear in the post credit scenes that this is not the end and that we will see more of the Guardians, this movie gives a feeling of conclusion. You did good, Gunn. You did good. Also, congrats on having the first F-bomb in the MCU!

And those are the movies I saw in 2023.

Movies I wanted to see in 2023 but didnt get the chance to because of time or other duties: Oppenheimer, Barbie, Indiana Jones and the dial of destiny, Elemental and Cocaine bear.

Movies Im looking forward to in 2024 are: Dune 2, Deadpool 3, Inside out 2 and Furiosa: A Mad Max saga.

I hope that 2024 is, if not a good year for movies, then atleast not a bad one.

Written stuff: 53

Started writing this: 2023-12-24

I`m a little late with this one, but better late than never as they say.

Atleast I got it out before february, I consider that a win.

And as usual: English is not my first language, so if my writing doesn`t seem to flow naturally, you know why.

#movies #movie review #movie list #81scorp #written stuff

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lostinatrainofthoughts · 5 months

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Girlies im here to update on my tinder adventures. i had my 2nd call with another tinder dude. It lasted two hours 😃

Hes okay! But maybe i am picky dear Allah please so help me but theres just something about him that gives me the ick. Well not ick but like eh... he might not be the one.

heavy smoker: wont smoke in front of me out of courtesy but doesnt believe the science that inhaling toxin can legit kill you all bcause his grandma whos also a heavy smoker died of something else and not cancer. Like he doesnt care about the consequences at all.

2. privileged af and so ignorant about it: hes travelled once for a month last dec and will be traveling again THRICE this yr and he thinks that going for umrah is not a vacation/“travelling” bc its a spiritual journey like do you hear yourself and how in your bubble you are. Anything thats going out of the country for something thats not work AND going for a peace of mind is VACATION. his mom shops for branded stuff and he gets bored waiting around and sitting inside the store. Like some of us wouldnt even dream of stepping in. and i told him honestly, do you know how privileged you sound (entitled actually) and he said what do you mean?? and I'm like most people don't get to experience going out like that. and he was like yeah I'm thankful, grateful. mmm......

3. mansplainer (biggest ICK): he said hed bring me outdoors and i told him i cant and i dont like it and he said that he will force me but will bring an umbrella. Then i told him i have eczema and he gaslit me saying IT CANT BE THAT BAD. HIS EX HAD IT WORSE IT WAS SEVERE And i was so pissed. And so i said. Well. I had been admitted three fucking times for it and was on 4 different medications for it and going to biweekly appointments and blood tests and so i said im SURE. CERTAIN that i have it MUCH WORSE than your ex. he did not spare me a breath and came up with his own conclusion. also he says that eczema HAS A CURE. HES CERTAIN OF IT. bc he's saw it in his ex. and I'm like ............................ i had it since i was a baby. the fuck you mean there's a cure. there are treatments for it okay but not cure. i hate when people who don't have eczema say nonsense like that.

Which brings me to point no. 3: religious. Nothing nothing NOTHING wrong with someone who’s religious, i am a practicing muslim. I pray 5 times a day and i value my relationship with god too. But what i dont like is how he pushes his personal religious values or agenda onto me like i dont know shit. Your relationship with god, and my relationship with god is no ones business, its your own so dont try to police how i do it with god. Like i told him i “had” to quickly pray before calling him. And he stopped me saying i shouldnt say “had to” bc that would mean being forced/its an obligation so i have to change that bc “context is everything”. Like its something to fix. i really HAD to make it quick or else i wouldnt know what time i'd be praying.

4. With that being said, he is also homo/phobic..................... well yes and no? i don't know. he said he doesn't want to talk about it bc its controversial and he is against t/rans ppl and its changing the essence of what god has created for you. i just don't like that argument because . if there's one thing you cant change about me, it's my morals.

5. hes so into himself that he was basically pitching himself like a project. but ok, its my fault, i asked. but was there any reciprocation? did he ask me back about me? not really. i found myself having to jump in and add in what i had to say. he would say things like, I've been through a lot, you have no idea. and I'm like don't we all??? you arent the only one whos experienced the lows of life. you arent the only one who had a hard time.

6. his approaching his 30s and he treats me like I'm a kid bc I'm 26? "oh huwaina you still so young. when the pandemic hit, it was like 3 fucking years of my youth taken away from me now I'm almost 30" and i jumped in and said like "yeah me too" and he was like "no, I've already reached 30, there's no more 20s for me but you do. you still have time to experience things and enjoy life. i was 21, 22, 23 when covid happened i felt like i didn't experience the life i was supposed to at my early 20s. also does life end at 30 ladies and gents? he keeps telling me how gen z i am, and I'm like okay????????????

7. HES NOT GOOD LOOKING IM SORRY I SWIPED BC HE SEEMED LIKE HE HAD PERSONALITY 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

#its not that hes fcked other girls that was the problem for me obviously everyone has done that #but its his upbringing thats the biggest issue for me #personal but not so personal #i dont know!!! i dont know

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sentientgopro · 6 months

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Okay, so I know this might sound odd, but I kinda want to keep track of how my feelings have been changing seeing as my life just turned upside down a few days ago. Something feels weird about keeping a note to myself, idk why, For some reason I feel kore comfortable posting it to the internet. Well, I guess that is kinda the point of a blog? Anyway, if youre seeing this but not my last post on Monday, I think I cracked on Sunday Night.

That first post was comprised of how I was feeling Sunday Night- Monday Morning (10/11 Dec) and, well, I'm not going to repeat it. Monday was... weird. I didn't feel great, although thats not significantly out of the ordinary, but I was facing a difficult question I would rather not have to answer, especially when the obvious conclusion was such a difficult one to follow through and act on. It was a question Id rather die than face.

Monday evening was when I decided to start truly planning for the possibility. I may not know If Im right yet, and depending on how hard it may be, I was wondering if it was even worth it. Then I had a look at some trans timelines, and asked people about HRT options, and that was what changed my fuckin life. It was then that I saw how real this was and just how possible this was. The realisation that this was on the cards for me (after a 2 year wait) made me feel really fucking good. Like best Ive felt in a long time. Ive been running on fumes, a list of people to outlive, and "My cats would miss me" but this provided a positive reason to keep going, something to look forward to. For the first time in ages, I wanted to Carry On, not just felt like I had to. And this feeling/ realisation also helped in validating my feelings, that Im not just making it up.

And then came tuesday. The best day Ive had in a long time. I've heard people say "Transitioning may not solve all your problems, but it can make them feel worth solving" but I realised I had that in reverse. My problems are affecting my academic success, so to get out this house and get to Uni, I need to start fixing/ overcoming those problems. My problems feel worth solving so that I can get to transition. I got more done that day and focused easier than I have in a long time.

Later into Tuesday, I considered what my future could look like now. How might it affect other parts about me? I considered my Aroace identity, might it affect that? And I quickly realised I might not be Aro. Why could I see myself happily in a relationship in the future, as a girl, but not as a guy? Hell, I took the idea out of relationships, and realised I couldn't see a happy future at all as a guy. Ive known this for a while, and kinda brushed it off as "Modern society sucks ass" and "Who knows what the future holds" and shit like that, but if that was the case, I wouldnt see a happy future as a girl, which I do. This was another big help in feeling that Im not mistaken about my feelings, and also helps to explain why Ive always felt a little conflicted on my Aromanticism, because it wasn't. As for now, until I can transition, the label still fits. I still think Ill be Ace either way, but I cant know that until the time comes. It doesnt really matter, those labels can be pretty fluid, I shouldnt stress over it. The key takeaway here was that it seemed that Dysphoria was stopping me from wanting a relationship. Perhaps I was wrong about not feeling dysphoria, I think i might just have not been noticing it or understanding it.

I'm caught up to today, which hasn't really seen major developments. I acknowledged the fact that Ive been kinda subconsciously viewing myself as more feminine for years now, but I dont feel like that thought significantly leads anywhere beyond reinforcing how I feel. Most of my thought on this went towards music and lyrics, as now I have a whole new dimension of meanings to find in songs, completely changing how I see alot of them. For example, one song, that I havent been able to find any meaning to until now, has these lines across 2 different verses:

"I need time to break all the mirrors,

But my mind is in pieces and not ready to make it clearer,"

and

"Time to make it all clearer,

And if time never ceases I'll be ready to break the mirror"

After a quick google, the idea of "Breaking a mirror" means bad luck for years, before being okay, which can be interpreted to have fairly heavy parallels to a transition. The first version talks about needing to go through this period, but not being able to or not being ready. As much as I say I cant transition bc of living eith my controlling and transphobic parents, I also know I would not be ready to do it if that wasnt the case. But, as in the second version of these two lines, once I can make it all clearer, If I can just hold out until the end of the two years, if time keeps passing, I can break the mirror.

There are other parts of this song I like and find (questionable) trans meanings in, but these parts stand out. Song is "The Gift" by Kevin Sherwood and Elena Siegman for anyone wondering, I'd best describe it as Melodic heavy metal, heavy instrumentals courtesy of Kevin and beautiful vocal melody courtesy of Elena.

So that was pretty much my day today, finding little bits of meaning in various songs I already listen to. Although its only 2:30PM, there may be more to come later. Regardless, now that ive caught up, Im just going to be keeping every post as its own individual thought or topic. If you did actually read through this, thanks I guess? I dont know why I feel more comfortable writing this here than a private note. Ill only tag this with 196 because eh, why tf not.

#196 #personal logs

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pgross144-blog · 1 year

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OPINIONS MATTER!!!!........

TIME TO RANT!!!!

Because Facebook Won't Let me!!! But lets gay men create new accounts and stalk me!! My messenger was revoked for THREE DAYS!!! No warning or reason!!! All I said was my account was hacked!!!

FUCK the ZUCK!! ARREST MARK COCKSUCKERBURG!!! He condemns your account for "hate speech" against who...

I'LL let YOU not MARK ZUCKERBERG DECIDE THIS TIME if this is Facebook worthy or "HATE SPEECH"!!!!

LET'S DIVE IN!!

For those who can't read why I wrote for name on card...

"Fuck You I'm entitled to what you know about me NOW!!!"

Truer words have never been said!!!!

This rant is about unfair business practice!!!

1st off capitalism shouldnt be a system for this type of nonsense... inflation is sky high, in a system where this type nonsense is allowed we SHOULD and COULD ban inflation!!! We could force (ALL!!!! yes ALL) businesses big or small to simply and SHARPLY drop the prices for their GOODS AND SERVICES! Set a fixed price for EVERYTHING!!!

The Great Depression was the worst economic crisis our country has EVER been through AND you mean to tell me my pocket change was WORTH something then!!!! NEED the list for perspective...

1. THEN... Double feature and Stage show 11 cents..

NOW... I'm guessing for a measly 1 show you pay 25+ dollars!! you do get a reclining seat that (almost) works for the price!!

2. THEN... Candy 1 Cent..

NOW...$1.25 is very cheap these days even for "Share Size" aka "shortchange size" Haribo which if you want better go to CVS to get a true "share size" for $3.25 because the portions are reduced at the Dollar (Twenty Five) Tree... even the candy friend got me yesterday $4.50!!! FOUR DOLLARS and FIFTY CENTS This is not even movie size!!! This a double Reeses yes 2 (TWO) large cups!!!

3. Lastly the most damning...

1 reasonably priced CAR!!!!...

THEN... any guesses $100 or $200?? (too low) or $5000?? (way too high) think, think, think oh wow lets assess (take a zero off thats better) $500 yes I wrote that correctly FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!! SOME setback!!!

NOW... $31,000 easy is what it costs now.... for a stripped to the bone Toyota SUV (because god knows you wont own the road without it!!!) (or have as much or enough space to match your neighbors loaded $65,000 gmc) WTF!!!

I would give it ALL UP!!, whatever it takes, if i could bring all my NOW USELESS pocket change and never run out of money never go hungry to live in 1930s because.....

Capitalism can EASILY survive in a system like this REALLY??? with $25 plus movie, $1.25 or $4.50 candy, $31,000 toyota...

NOPE!!! im talking about the society were 11 cent movies..., 1 cent candy and $500 cars exist!!!

Now people could say I'm CRAZY but the TRUTH is evident that we once lived in a society were pocket change WASN'T USELESS!!!

So WTF changed!! Inflation and COVID are simply no longer a working excuse anymore!!!

Time to fix this economy honestly like congress needs to pass a bill that fixes a price limit on all categories of goods and services! That would completely destroy and eliminate the concept of "overpriced" and "overcharging". Like my sneakers costed $1.00 or $2.00 to make!!! That's ONE DOLLAR OR TWO DOLLARS!!!

I was with someone fueling their car today gas prices are $4.05... A GALLON, it simply doesn't matter anymore!!! End price to fuel the WHOLE TANK.... $68.97 that's SIXTY EIGHT DOLLARS AND NINETY SEVEN CENTS!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! I YEARN FOR THE DAYS IT WAS $50.00 EASY!!! BUT AGAIN MY OPINION NEVER MATTERED!!

MAIN POINT.....

The inspiration for this post was the fact I couldn't do a simple background check on myself on a website that had stated locations of me that I have honestly been before!! REALLY now what does FREE even mean anymore they claim to be a FREE service!! TAKE THE "R" OUT DUMMIES!!! "FEE" SERVICE SOUNDS MORE THE FUCK LIKE IT!!! LET ME GROW MY MONEY ON MY MONEY TREE DUMMIES!!!

THEIR RHETORIC....

"Oh it isn't hard to earn a single dollar "

"Oh we know, you wish you knew what we know for free"

"BUT GUESS WHAT DUMMY!!"

"OPEN YOUR WALLET!!! EVEN IF YOU CAN'T!!!

BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO PAY, PAY, PAY!!! EVEN IF THE PRICE ISN'T RIGHT!!!!

EVEN IF YOU FEEL ENTITLED TO HOW WE HAVE STALKED YOUR EVERY MOVE!!!!!

MY RHETORIC....

"THAT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE TO UNFAIR ENTITLEMENT, NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!"

"I OFFICIALLY NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS CONTAINED IN MY "REPORT" BECAUSE FOR..

NOT A CENT" THAT'S THE GOOD OLD GOOD OLD PRICE OF $2.95 HOW BOUT A DOLLAR $1.50 FINAL OFFER!!!! THAT SHOULD OK RIGHT??????

WRONG!!!!!!!!

FREE, ZERO, ZILCH, NADA....

EVER HEARD OF THIS PRICE?????

ZERO DOLLARS (AND IT GETS BETTER) ZERO CENTS!!!!

THATS FOR IN NUMBERS....

$0.00..... REALLY??????

REALLY, REALLY, REALLY.... ARE YOU SURE THOUGH THAT'S THATS PROFIT LOSS RIGHT????

"NOPE!!!!!!!" BUT IN SHORT "YES" BECAUSE CAPITALISM CAN'T SURVIVE IN SYSTEM LIKE THAT RIGHT????

WRONG!!!! WRONG!!!! WRONG!!!! BECAUSE GUESS WHAT????

IT CAN!!!!!! IT'S CALLED SOCIALISM AND IT WORKS LIKE A CHARM!!!! SO DUMMIES STOP ELECTING THESE

REPUBLICANS WHO "GOT THEIRS SO GO GET YOURS"

AND....

DEMOCRATS WHO DON'T DO SHIT THAT SAY AND BARELY KEEP PROMISES

WAIT WHO DO I VOTE FOR?????

I DON'T IM NOT A POLITICIAN I WRITE TUMBLR POSTS OF COURSE!!!!! I VOTE FOR DEMOCRATS BECAUSE I HOPE ONE DAY A PROMISE WILL KEPT...

AND...

THAT WILL TRULY MAKE OUR COUNTRY "GREAT"

I KNOW RIGHT.... IT'S REALLY POSSIBLE WITH ORANGE TONED, TOUPE' MAN, "CORRUPT", NAME CALLING, DRUNK, SCANDAL DRIVEN, DECEPTIVELY NOT CLEVER BUSINESS MAN WHO WENT BANKRUPT 5+ TIMES, GUN-NUT, RACIST, FACIST, I RAN FOR PRESIDENT SO SOON BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT I DO IM ALWAYS ABOVE THE LAW (EVEN THOUGH YOU AREN'T ACTUALLY) PATHETIC, DISHONORABLE EXCUSE FOR A PRESIDENT, NEGATIVE ATTENTION SEEKER, SOLE DESTROYER OF THE U.S.A., SEX OFFENDING - SO I PUT ONE ON THE SUPREME COURT!!!..... WHO COULD IT BE I STILL DON'T KNOW??? WHY CAN'T I.... TOO LATE HIS ASSHOLENESSS A.K.A.

DONALD JOHN TRUMP!!!!!

CASE CLOSED....

OR IS IT EVER?

(AGAIN AS ALWAYS)

I'LL LET YOU DECIDE

(END)

FIN

#CREATE A 3 PARTY SYSTEM

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vminvisiblestring · 3 years

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How Robert Berens Made Destiel Canon

or The Beautifully Tragic Road to Destiel

in honor of their one month anniversary, i want to talk about robert berens and how he made it his mission to make destiel canon and the care he took approaching their relationship...

i dont know if this has been pointed out before, but i was looking at the episodes bobo berens wrote when i realized something: he wrote all the significant destiel episodes in s15. i think that means he probably planned to make destiel canon long before s15 started:

he hid a love story inside the monster story. a love story told in five parts:

• initiating event

• rising action

• climax (first twist)

• falling action

• second twist (no resolution)

14x18: absence - “initiating event”

the initiating event introduces the conflict and sets events into motion in a story.

in absence, cas reveals to dean that jack might not have a soul and therefore might not know that hurting his mother was wrong. this angers dean and results in dean telling cas “youre dead to me”. this initiates a chain of events that lead their relationship to experience a tear (or rupture).

15x03: the rupture - “rising action”

the rising action is the result of a character trying to (in this case) solve a problem but a force is at conflict with the character. for every step taken, there is either a successful or failed outcome; this pattern continues all the way to the climax.

complications in dean and cas’s relationship continue to widen the distance between them into the start of season 15 with the deaths of rowena and belphagor (for which dean blames cas) culminating in the infamous “breakup” scene. cas said there was nothing left for him anymore and leaves dean.

15x08: our father who arent in heaven - “rising action”

bobo didnt write this episode but its important to the path because rowena tells dean and cas to fix their relationship in the same episode that michael sends them to purgatory (aka the place dean realized he was in love with cas all those years ago and where they fixed their relationship the first time)

15x09: the trap - ‘climax & first twist”

the climax is the most emotional part of the story and is reached when the character takes the final step to resolve their problem. this is also where the turning point of the story begins and descends to the falling action (and if there is a plot twist, it happens here).

the first twist: dean confesses first. this scene is deans confession disguised as an apology. he might lose cas and needed him to know hes sorry. the prayer scene is so important because, if we read the scene, this is in fact, an apology, but its so much more than that. dean responds to cas’s “i left but you didnt stop me” with “i should have stopped you”. this scene showed just how much dean has grown, how much he’s trying and how much he wants to be free of the anger he feels because he realized it was what separated him from the man he loves on multiple occasions. this is deans way of saying “im sorry. i didnt mean anything i said. you are the most important person in my life and i let you leave. i shouldnt have let you leave. thats my fault. im trying to get better. please tell me you’re gonna be okay. tell me this isnt the last time i’ll ever see you. please. i love you”.

dean and cas reunite near the rift but dean doesnt want to leave before telling cas something. we know it cant be the prayer because its obvious cas heard that; this is something else, but cas stops him. this scene is them making amends with each other the best way they know how: a silent knowing. the conflict has finally been resolved.

15x12: galaxy brain - “falling action”

the falling action consists of the after-effects of the climax and every event from here onward should lead to a logical conclusion.

dean and cas’s relationship is better, they seem at peace. the silent knowing is definitely there, and they both seem comfortable the way they left things. the way things are going, they’ll likely have as much a “happy” ending as a fallen angel and a hunter can have without talking about this silent knowing. we cant forget about the looming empty deal, but knowing cas will never be truly happy, it seems like dean and cas are going to be friends for a long time...

15x18: despair - “second twist”

after the falling action comes the resolution. sometimes in film and television, a surprise second twist will occur after the climax and toss the characters into another fight. the second twist is resolved quicker than the first and leads to a speedy resolution.

the second twist here, however, replaces the resolution because the story of destiel sadly and infuriatingly, never got its resolution.

i feel like bobo was told cas was going to get killed off and thats why he knew there was no way the network would allow dean to reciprocate so he did the best he could to work around the homophobia and make destiel canon as much as possible for us.

this is the most “resolution” we were given by a show we spent years watching and loving. we rooted for the characters, we fought as much for their happiness as they did themselves. and it ended up stabbing jensen, misha, bobo, other cast members, some writers and the fans in the back.

deans face here is all i have left to hold on to and thats not fair. and its not fair that after all these years this is what they did to one of the most complex love stories ever told. not only that, but dean and cas were also some of the complex characters ever put to screen. this is not a good ending for them and it never will be. not until they both get the endings they deserve, as individuals and as one. and im sorry for the pain all this mess has caused and would like nothing more than to squeeze everyone really tight and tell you it’ll be okay.

#destiel #cockles #jensen literally approved of misha and bobos plans for destiel #i mean whenever jensen directed he made sure there were destiel scenes #he WANTED dean and cas to become more intimate #dean and cas deserved to speak their truth and be happy together #not to mention a majority of destiel shippers and dean and cas stans are #lgbtq #so thats just another big fuck you on top of the spits and slaps to our faces with that finale #im sorry to get so negative in a post thats supposed to be positive and bring levity to the darkness we've had this past month #i just cant help but feel so much anger #for robert berens #for jensen #for misha #for us #anyways always remember #destiel is fucking canon #and #homosexual declaration of love #deancas #dean winchester #dean #castiel #cas #supernatural #supernatural final season #spn #bobo berens #jensen ackles #jensen

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businessbois · 3 years

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It would be a lie to say that I'm not the tiniest bit salty about what happened this mcc, but I think the people over on twitter raging on it are really overracting. I don't care about the hbomb thing, it was a glitch and he used it to his advantage, good for him. People have done it before. Wlbur glitch anyone? However, I think the thing that is bothering me a bit is Ace race. The fact that everyone was screwed over except Scott's team, who did perfectly fine, is a bit annoying. If it had been any other team that had figured it out and gotten an advantage it would be fine, like good for them for figuring it out. but the fact that Scott's team had such a big advantage over everyone else just going into it feels the slightest bit rigged. Like Scott knew he would have an advantage over everyone, I think it would just of been good sportsmanship to just reset after it went so terribly for everyone but his team. Then again, as of right now I've only seen red rabbits pov so maybe other team's didn't struggle as much, but it seems like everyone participating was at least a little bit annoyed.

I think the big thing that bothers me about it the most is Tommy's team were doing just so incredibly well. Like they were performing so much better then I expected, Tommy literally did amazing and niki?? She popped off! She performed so much better then I thought she would, I was so happy to see her survive for all of survival games (is that what its called?) Tubbo and vikkstar did amazing as well, they worked so well as a team. I really wanted to see them win or at least get topped three, I feel like they deserved it. It hurt to see them get screwed over so much towards the end. Bless Tommy for being such a good sport, you can really tell he's a good kid when you watch him in mcc.

Bt at the end of the day, it's just a block game. It's just a bit disappointing how things turned out win wise. Like, it's hard for me to feel excited for a team that literally got like a huge advantage over everyone else by having a literal developer on their side and pretty stacked players from what I've seen. Not to mention the glitch, but no ones really to blame for that. I think Scott's team could at of least benefitted from a low scoring player in their midst to make up for the fact that Scott was the only one who had experience in the games and could help his teammates with them as well. So yeah, I don't r e a l l y care much at all, that's just something that kind of bothered me a bit.

yeah i couldnt give less of a shit about the hbomb thing, people take advantages of glitches in mcc all the time like the aforementioned wilbur glitch and phil's thing in rocket spleef and tommy in sands of time and a dozen other things, especially in hitw because that game is hella scuffed. doesnt really matter chill.

i agree with what wilbur said on his twitter, i honestly dont really care about the ace race thing because shit like thats happened before to the captain in mcc2 and to fundy in mcc-i-forgot-which-one-maybe-10-but-it-happened. and it happened to a lot of people. But i do wish they would admit that scott Did have an advantage and that they're sorry and will fix that for next time.

like watching wisp's vod, im a little bit miffed that scott seemed aware that that would trip people up saying "when you get to the elytra bit, i would recommend going down" of course that 100% doesn't excuse sending hate to scott or any of the winners, fuck right off with that. it's an mc tournament For Fun. no money or glory really, just a coin. this shit shouldn't overshadow the fact that they all performed very well and it shouldnt take away from any of the players'—especially wisp and jimmy since this was their first—win.

but aqua didn't even score first in points, that went to blue. they got second and then beat them in dodgebolt fair and square.

#long post #discourse #negative

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iftadwascool · 2 years

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I'm going to get some shit for this...

mainly because I've talked so much shit about how awful the Synderverse is/was/i dont know, im pretty sure its over with anyways...

BUT YEAH!

Hack Zack Snyder was so close to making a good Superman movie. i mean so fucking close. i actually really enjoyed the movie up till he got the suit, because after that it just becomes a Michael Bay-esq brawlathon. sure, the weird stuff with Papa Kent dying in a tornado was dumb as hell but all the other stuff was good in that first half.

the stuff on Krypton was actually pretty interesting. seeing Clark growing into his powers and how much of a burden they were on a child and family who doesnt know what to do was a really interesting take. plus some critiques on why he shouldnt be using his powers vs using them was actually a decent element on why he becomes a superhero. then theres the tornado... but anyways.

its just when he gets that fucking suit. all character development is gone. Russell Crowe daddy is like "look boy, youre going to be great. super even. so why dont you go be the man i made you to be. a SUPERMAN" and then it just turns into action porn. and not even good action porn. this is that cheap Cinemax porn that just showed boobs and maybe a butt here and there, but never any male nudity. which was weird. it always just showed things to the side so you saw boobs and hints of groins. i dont miss tv porn at all.

i think im losing my point here.

ugh. it was just so close to a good a Superman movie. it was never going to be the Richard Donner Superman, and it shouldnt have been. like you know the saying "its about the journey, not the destination" and thats what a good origin movie should be about. its why people love Smallville so much. well that and the music, sooooooomeboooooooody saaaaaaaaaaave meeeeeeeeeee🎶

Hack Zack Snyder was just so fucking close... so god damn close. i think that pisses me off more than Clark killing Zod, or the mass destruction, or just how fast everything moves in the second half. and i think this is what really killed the whole Snyderverse before it even began. the movie just dropped the ball so hard that there should have been a sequel to fix or expand on things before any other movie to even start fleshing out the universe.

i could go on and on about this movie, like the crazy weird Jesus allegories Hack Zack Snyder tried to pull off but i wanted to talk more about it as a whole. this movie is rife with bad stuff that smarter people than me have pointed out and talked about. so i wanted to do something different and talk about the actual good potential. because its there. it really is. it just twisted its ankle as soon as it jumped.

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aartifex-a · 2 years

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i guess i’m in a thinky mood today so because of some recent info on my dash, as a white canadian person who writes an asian (specifically korean) oc i think its important to address other white writers who have characters that are a different race, culture, ethnicity, etc from them:

you will almost inevitably fuck up if you arent coming into your writing with at least an awareness of the dynamics of race re: your characters or world, and even then you probably will still fumble at times. people calling you in/out, bringing this to your attention, isnt harrassment. ive been writing jin as an oc since i was 13. i have absolutely fucked up and done problematic racist shit because im a white person raised in a society that upholds whiteness, you dont leave that kind of pervasive environment untouched by the various -isms, systems, and inequalities of those societies. this isnt me trying to be righteous or “a good white person”, its just honest. you wont ever grow or become a better writer if you dont research the cultures you write and if you dont listen to the people you are portraying and affecting with what you write. be willing to make changes, drastic ones, or take breaks to educate yourself and revamp.

i can only speak for myself, but i dont think many people would say white writers can never write characters who are of a different race, it just means you need to be more cautious because of the dynamics of how race plays out in the real world. i feel somewhat comfortable with writing jin and trying to incorporate korean culture into his character only because i’ve done both my own research and opted to take korean language and culture classes at my university. i went to the korean culture club which was run by the professor of the korean culture course, and i try to keep up with major news stories out of south korea on places like twitter. this doesnt make me an expert, and i will sometimes avoid certain topics that i dont feel adequately educated on. its something im always trying to work on, and an aspect of my writing that i welcome critiques for.

another note for writers in a similar position as me, is that while cultural research is important it can only take you so far. remember the cultures you write about contain real, individual people with a diversity of opinions and perspectives. dont make broad stroke assumptions that just because something is considered normal or common in the dominant culture of that society/culture that everyone agrees. ill speak from my own writing experience, but when it comes to writing queer poc, just because a culture/society has homophobic elements or doesnt have legal protections for lgbtq people doesnt mean that there arent lgbtq people and allies in those cultures who are actively fighting for their rights. its important to note the affects of culture on a person, but a person can never be seen only through the dominant lens of their culture. let your characters be people with agency that are shaped by their culture, not stereotypes of a culture first and people second.

its also important, imo, for us as white writers to take some of the burden off of poc in the community when it comes to speaking up about this kind of thing. thats the whole reason im writing this at all. it isnt our job to speak over or for them, but it shouldnt only be up to poc to constantly do damage control, education, and clean up for white people. thats not fair, and it puts the weight of trying to fix harmful ideas on the people who suffer the harm rather than the people who perpetuate and/or benefit from that harm.

and as an end note, i understand that we dont get to choose the environments we’re born into. we don’t all get to be lucky and have progressive families or communities, some of us grow up with some really fucked up ideas normalized to us. its not your fault if you were raised in a way thats ignorant of or hostile to people different from you, but it is your responsibility to pull yourself out of the muck once you realize youre in it. you wont please everyone or be perfect but thats not a reason to avoid growth. your past can explain how you got to where you are but it isnt an excuse to keep going down the same path into the future.

#ooc #cw dash discourse

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gotmadison · 4 years

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“kidding”

𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫

snores emerged from your dormitory as you continued on your restful night, it had been such a hectic day and with harry by your side 24/7 you barely got any alone time. of course, you loved having him there and being able to see him whenever - but you valued the moments you had alone to relax and recharge for the next day. you soon fell into a deep sleep when the creaking of the floorboards awoke you, halting you to grab your wand shouting a quick charm to stop the intruder. little did you know it was your clingy boyfriend, harry. you rubbed your eyes, “what are you doing here? shouldnt you be asleep?” you asked, groggily pulling the covers down from their place over your head. “i missed you and i couldnt get a wink of shut eye! ron kept farting in our dorms.” he sighed, “can i come lay with you?” he asked, motioning towards the empty side of your bed. “yeah, just close the door and try not to get hurt walking over here.” you muttered, opening the blankets to let your boyfriend in. the thought of sleeping together in your bed, alone, never crossed your mind - probably from the sleep exhaustion. he slid into your bed, sighing as he made himself comfortable beside you. he placed his arm over your side, leaning in towards the crook of your neck. “is this okay?” he whispered, your eyes fluttering open before slightly moving away from his touch. “sorry.. i just.. i’m not used to this and we never really.. have laid or been.. well intimate.” you stuttered, keeping your eyes locked on the wall to the side of you. he muttered a quick, ‘oh!’ before removing his arm. “im sorry.. i didnt.. i didnt think.” you apologized once more before assuring him of his place and where he can lay befofe you both fell into a deep sleep.

in the morning, you outstretced your arms as you began to scan the room. ‘no sign of harry?’ you thought to yourself . your worries soon dissipated as he emerged through the common rooms a few moments later. “harry!” you said, fixing your tie as you walked down the stairs. “where did you go? you .. well skipped out on me.” you asked, patting down your skirt before making eye contact with him. “i didnt want to be a burden so i left early and got a few things done. my notes for potions are done, you can copy during breakfast.” his words seemed distant, definitely not like the harry you knew and loved. although physical affection was not your love language, you knew it was harry’s. “oh! well, okay. do you want to walk to breakfast with me?” you proposed, checking your watch. “i’ll see you there actually, i have to get something from ron.” he said through a smile, patting your arm before walking towards the rightwing stairs leading towards the boys room’s. ‘okay, what was that?’ you questioned, walking towards the great hall - alone, may i add. this was the first time in forever you didnt have him hanging off of your side and to admit it, you felt lonely and exposed. you sighed, sitting down next to luna. “hey lun, goodmorning darling. sleep well?” you asked, pouring a cup of orange liquid. “i did, quite particularly did you sleep well? i have seen how harry seems distant.. did something arise?” she asked, focusing on the small bird placed upon the table that she was mending its wing. “well.. wait, how did you know?” you asked, looking towards her side. “its very obvious, is it something to do with his clinginess? or his affection?” everytime you spoke to luna it was like she had already had this conversation with you before and she’s repeating it. “yeah.. weirdly enough.. he, well.. he came and slept in my bed and tried to cuddle me, but we havent been... you know, so i was scared.” she nodded, picking up the bird before giving it a soft kiss and wave goodbye. it was seen flying off happily in the distance, singing out songs of joy as it left to find its family. “you should tell him that, tell him that it scared you. he will understand. you can try to reverse it maybe.. act as if roles were reversed.” she smiled, grabbing her books before heading off.

a few hours after classes finally ended you sat in your common rooms, twiddling your thumbs as the last person left for their bedroom. you waitied for harry to arrive, anxiously. “y/n?” he asked, walking into the shared area with books in his hands. you stood, walking towards him to help pick up the books from his hands. “oh you dont have-“ he said, trying to hold on to a few. “it’s totally fine, babe. i got it!” you giggled, taking them up to his room. after getting settled, you walked over to him sitting at his desk and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. ‘it feels.. different when im giving the attention.’ you thought, even going as far to press a soft peck against his cheek: “now i know something is up. whats wrong y/n?” he asked, turning to face you. you huffed out, “fine.. you understand that last night.. i only.. well i only stopped you cuddling me because i was scared it would lead to something else! and i know we havent talked about it yet, but... harry if thats what you want i will do it. i want to do anything to make you happy.” your eyes swole with tears, wiping them away and sniffling. you couldnt lose him, he was your world and everything in it. his expression soon turned to concern as he pushed forward, taking your hands within his. “i never meant to scare you, and i want to do what you want to do. because, well.. i love you y/n. and i never want to make you feel uncomfortable or upset with my actions. i just thought , you didnt like me anymore..” you shook your head, letting a soft chuckle slip. “dont be blast, harry potter! theres no way in merlins green earth i’d ever not love you.” the words slipped from your lips as you spoke, his eyebrow cocking slightly. “love?” he asked, looking up at you with puppy dog eyes. “i love you, yeah.” you laughed, leaning forward. “and i love you.” he replied, pressing a peck against the tip of your nose. “lets start off slow with all of the hugging and kissing and work our way up, yeah?” he asked, to which you were thrilled. although it would take time - it was worth it to know the man you loved cared enough about your boundaries to stop and reflect on his actions before moving forward and harming you.

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