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imagine actually believing that

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New reaction pic for y'all to be used when you get into an argument about trans healthcare and your opponent starts talking about the 0.8% or whatever of trans people who regret transitioning

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Okay, so, another update since then: immediately after feeling that attraction for the first time, I got the shittiest cold Ive had in a long time for about a week. Was that what it felt like to "Huave covid"? I'll see if this is reproducible, nothing so far though.

"Coming up on 3 months since cracking. It's still, like, a week away, but honestly, close enough and I wanna write this post now. Not much is gonna change in that time anyway."

"Not much is gonna change in that time anyway."

This quote from my last personal log aged kinda poorly. Today is the actual 3 month mark.

Gonna tread lightly and be careful with this one, I generally do so when discussing my asexuality specifically, it's a dodgy topic.

I already mentioned how suprised I was by my overall mental shift. I've already kinda adapted to a new name and she/her without actually using them, Im just really good at daydreaming. This has been part of a wider mental shift I've been noticing towards feeling alot more fem.

Around when I first cracked, I suspected that I wasn't actually aro, and my romantic feelings were just heavily repressed because I couldn't imagine myself in a relationship as a guy.

The more time passed, the more I started getting more confident in that theory. If I were a girl, I would strongly desire a romantic relationship. I was still sure of the ace part.

But then, something weird happened the other day, and, to put it bluntly, I think I felt attraction for the first time? Like, I was looking at a woman with some nice muscles and, idk. Just got this weird feeling, felt a little whoozy and light headed. idk if it's like that every time people feel attraction, maybe it was just that case or just the first time?

There's more detail I would be tempted to add, but I don't think its a good idea, I'm gonna keep it safe. I'm not 100% sure what kind of attraction it was, but I'm actually kinda leaning towards sexual. So, idk, am I still ace then??? Maybe these feelings will get stronger over time. Apparently HRT can act as a complete sexuality reroll anyway so I shouldn't stress too much. Just taken aback by the fact that I actually finally know what this whole attraction thing feels like.

(And I know not many people read these, I just write them here because it feels better than keeping a personal diary for some reason, but just in case I have to say it: Please, don't make it weird.)

#personal logs #lgbtqia #transgender #transfem #lgbtq #transbian

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Okay, so this was, what, a month and a half ago now? Well, it only just caught up with me today that me and my Dad very much DID NOT have the same definition of "growing your hair out". Hes kept asking what style I want to grow it into, and he wanted an outright answer now, so I just went with "a Ponytail". This was definitely the best option I had, but it did not go well.

He first laughed, and then went "who has a ponytail these days?" and I responded "quite alot of people".

"Yeah, lots of gay people" (Gay, in his context, just meaning anything queer.)

u u u u h h h h hh h h hh h h h

shit shit shit shit SHIT

So, not so randomly convenient as I thought it was, I guess.

I mean, I'm not gonna back off this hill, guys can have ponytails. I know guys who have ponytails (this guy, singular, is a self described egg but nevermind that) and hair growth takes, like, a very long fucking time, Im not gonna give up on a year and a half just to keep him slightly off my radar. If anything, backing out of it after he called me out will only be more suspicious.

I'm just worried because he doesn't back off with this kind of thing either. He kept asking "where I got it from" and why I suddenly want a ponytail. Again, this is very much not the kind of thing he will back off on, he will keep asking. So idk how this will go, but I won't back down.

You ever just experience something so strangely convenient, so nonsensically well timed it just really takes you aback?

My Dad makes me get a haircut, like, more often than monthly. I never understood why it was so necessary and so often, and why I had so little say in whether I needed a haircut or not, but I did.

So when I cracked just under 2 months ago, I realised that I couldnt even so much as start growing my hair out yet because of his control over how I present myself. (I had a haircut days before cracking, btw.)

So when it came time again for the regular conversation of "you need a haircut", you'll never imagine how suprised I was when he just abruptly started talking about "well, unless you wanted to grow your hair out, that'd be fine, you just need to take a little bit off in certain areas so it grows into a style instead of just uncontrollably. So yeah, do you wanna grow your hair out then?"

And its just like

What?

Its just so fucking convenient.

There is no way that, after only ever letting me have really short hair for years and years, the very first time we talk about haircuts after I crack, he starts talking about growing my hair out. And for extra context, hes incredibly transphobic and would not be okay if he knew the truth, so he has no idea or any hints of my realisation. And something about that is very funny to me, that he has absolutely no clue what he has just done. Hair is, probably, like the biggest part of my ideal self. Like, more than the chest area, or body shape, I just want nice hair. And its gonna take a very long time, but hell, even if I can just grow it out a bit until I can move out, thats gonna be a hell of a headstart from if I kept it short up until moving out. This is the first time that it feels like Im starting a tangible change and it feels exciting, even if that excitement may be misplaced. I cant even imagine how happy Im gonna feel when I actually get the pill bottle/ vial in my hands.

#personal logs #196 #transgender #transfem #lgbtq #lgbtqia

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hey let's all do this on March 15th. on the website.

Hey don’t just like. Reblog.

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there’s a website where you put in two musicians/artists and it makes a playlist that slowly transitions from one musician’s style of music to the other’s

it’s really fun

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Oh boy. This video is scary. Why? Because it's a genuine, wholehearted try. No morning voice. No "oh I'm just snapping into this". No "oh I haven't voice trained in months". While I'm still using my masculine voice daily, I do voice train from time to time. Not consistently and not well, and not with targeted effort or practice. But I did it today as well, with focus on physicality and muscular positions. And.... It's not good. I know it's not. But here it is:

If you want to listen, critique, and judge, please do! I want to hear it. I know a million things already that I can do and practice to make it better. And it will get better. But I need to be kept accountable. I post these videos here, because having a "point" or an audience helps me be more regular with it. So thanks for being that outlet. It really does help me think about voice training more often.

#useful #important

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Are you a trans girl or non-conforming and would like to try out feminine clothing? You may want to check this out.

Say you found this dress online and you really love the overall style of it. Great! If you’re like me, you would say “F it! I’ll buy the dress and I’ll wear it how I like!” and move on with your life. That should the end of this guide, right? Except, there is one little problem: not everybody thinks this way. Those who look for the best matching outfits aren’t just searching to fit their style, color, or personality. It also has to do with their body type. If you’re in that situation, this guide may help you out.

Body shape

Believe it or not, there are many different types of body shape (up to 10). However, the most common tend to be the following (in no order):

Rectangle- Even distribution on shoulders, hips, and waistline

Pear/Triangle- Wide hips, well-defined waist, small shoulders

Hourglass- Near-exact hip and shoulder measurements, thinner waistline

Inverted Triangle- Broader shoulders, narrower hips, little waist definition

Apple/Round- Broad shoulders and big bust, thin legs and hips

Many transgender women have the inverted triangle body shape due to several factors such as genetics, bone structure, and age. However, your body shape may also change over time due to a rebalancing of hormones, body fat, and even lifestyle. While you can’t change your bone structure, you can change your body definition through exercises.

Body proportion

Here is something you may find useful if you’re looking to customize your look. Body proportions are unique to every individual and play a factor on clothing and to some extent, accessories such as jewelry. For instance, you may find the skirt you bought looks either too long or short. There are a few areas where to measure your body proportions such as wrist length or neck size. But the best way to improve your dress type is by following the “golden ratio rule” of dividing your body into three:

The way this is read is you’re either one-third top, two-thirds bottom, or you’re two-thirds top, one-third bottom. Once you get more knowledge, you can go upwards even eighths! But for now, the focus is on these two outcomes.

The two-thirds top, one-third bottom words well with long dresses:

while the one-third top, two-thirds bottom works well with more casual clothing:

Body measurements

Now that we got a few problems out of our way, it’s time to figure out what measurements you have. The best way to find out is by using a mirror and a soft measuring tape for body. Measure all the crucial parts of your body, which are the waist, hips, shoulders, and bust. This will determine the type of body you have and have a better idea on what length you will need to try out your clothing of choice.

Shoe size

One thing very important about an outfit is choosing footwear. Although you can use your old Converses with your flared jeans, you’re certainly not going to use them with a ruffled dress. You’re definitely going to want heels or flats! Unfortunately, women’s shoe size are not exactly the same as men. But don’t give up! Fortunately, there are women’s size conversion charts that help you choose what shoe size you need.

To find out your measurements on your own, grab at least two blank pieces of paper, a pencil or pen, and a measuring tape. Place your foot firmly forward and carefully trace around the outer area of your foot. Repeat this with your other foot. Once finished, grab your measuring tape and measure from your highest point to your lowest on both sheets. Measure the width as well. If both feet measure close to 10.5, your women’s size is a 12. However, due to a difference in manufacturing based on shoe brand, as well as shoe type like pumps, the average recommended size is at least 2 inches above your actual size. For those living in other countries that don’t use the US measuring size, I left a chart that shows all the possible measurements you may use to convert your shoe size into women’s size.

What to wear based on body type

Since not all clothing is made for everyone, it’s time to list what is considered the “ideal” clothing choices based on body type. Note that these are opinions from my source’s authors. IMO, the pictures below each suggestion are a better opinion. Your are free to choose your type of clothing.

Rounded or apple shapes fit best with monochrome colors and make the person look more “fit”.

Pear or triangle shapes look more balanced with decorative accessories on top while keeping the bottom more plain.

Rectangle shapes tend to have more volume with a waist belt while pleated pants give more volume on hips.

Hourglass shapes look best when wearing bodycon dresses and cardigans to emphasize volume in their waistline.

Inverted triangle shapes pull off the wide leg pants and fitted top combo the best.

For a much more comprehensive guide for each body type, I highly recommend reading The Concept Wardrobe’s guides. It gives more details on what to wear and how to choose the best combinations. Link is provided here: https://theconceptwardrobe.com/search?query=body+frame

Tips on what to wear

Now that you reached this point, I’m pretty sure you’re excited to try out what your heart desires. However, before you go out and buy that two-piece dress, I recommend researching and observing the type of clothing women wear today. Believe it or not, people will judge based on your way of dressing, from background to social status to age. A simple look like bodysuit and jeans may look perfect on you and blend you in with the girls, but something like a hot pink bodycon will make you stand out, and most likely not in a good way. So how would you choose something that blends you in with society, but also be comfortable at the same time? Here are some tips and pics:

Find clothing that “feels” feminine. In other words, buy clothing that “feminizes” your body, such as tops that make your shoulders look shorter, wrap dresses that make your waistline shorter, and skirts that make your hips look wider.

Find the best colors based on skin tone and hair color. For instance, try out warm colors such as orange if your skin tone is warm.

Dress sexy, but never go too revealing. Seriously, have some respect to yourself. But if you really want to go out wearing, for example, a two-piece outfit, wear one that looks stylish and flatters your body in a great way.

Use accessories that fit and blend well with your body. Large jewelry goes well with larger frame, small jewelry fits with smaller wrist, and so forth. Don’t forget the purse! It is absolutely necessary now that you’re wearing pocketless clothing. Choose one that fits your taste and needs.

Bras and undergarments are necessary to wear now. As you further into your transition, your breasts will start growing and it will become more difficult and uncomfortable going out braless. Start out with a brassiere, then move on to a fitted bra as they become bigger over time. As for down there, I would use boy briefs as they’re similar to boxers. Although HRT will cause it to shrink, it does not make it disappear. If you must hide it, use a gaff or a tuck, but do not use chastity belts (Seriously, stay away from that unless you’re really into that thing). 

Optional: use waist shapers or corsets to slim down waist. Hip enlargement pads will also give your narrow hips and butt much needed volume. Breast forms can also give you an idea how big you want them in the future.

Fashion sense

But the most important part of choosing clothing as a trans girl is to wear whatever suits your taste.

For instance, are you more into the traditional and simple feminine aesthetic? Cottagecore may be for you:

But what if you’re the rebellious type that prefers to defy tradition? Well, maybe the alt-girl fashion is for you:

Maybe you’re the type that changes clothing based on season. So if you’re a summer-season type of girl, you’re definitely going for an outfit like this:

How about if you’re into the gym? Clearly your goal is to be like this:

Are you into business casual? There’s also a pic for that:

(The girl in the pic is also transgender! Her name is Suzi Hunter, better known as The Sphere Hunter.)

But we also can’t forget cosplay, either!:

(Cosplayer is Eden the Doll, a trans woman cosplayer! Picture belongs to Geo Leon.)

You’re probably the party type who loves some action:

Casual wear can also be tasteful and attractive too:

There’s so much to pic, but each style says a lot about what type of woman you are.

Where to buy clothing

If you’re interested in finding the right clothes for you, check out places that are especially gender-inclusive. As I’m based in the US, clothing stores such as Target are a good start while higher-end chains such as Nordstrom and Macy’s may have a better variety to choose from. If you’re a thrifty shopper, your local outlets, discount stores, and thrift shops have a surprising amount of great clothing for affordable prices. Although online sites like Amazon, Shein, and Zara have affordable and appealing clothing, many of these brands also have ethical concerns that overshadow their reputation. Dubbed “fast fashion”, they are a source of scrutiny among fashion fans and I would personally avoid them if possible. If you really need something affordable and new, I highly recommend purchasing through discount and thrift stores.

If you’re in need of safe undergarments, check out Urbody. They have clothing suitable for trans people, non-binary, and other identities, varying from binders to tucked leggings. They are founded by trans and non-binary people and use ethical practices and living wages for their workers. If you’re interested in checking their site out, here is the link to their page (I am not sponsored by them): https://urbody.co/

Conclusion

The whole point of this guide is to help you pick the proper clothing and accessories as a newly-out girl. I made this guide since there doesn’t seem to be many that are detailed. Keep in mind I’m still learning about female clothing as I am still in the first stages of transition myself. If anyone would like to add more info that is missing or provide any corrections, please reblog and add more helpful tips as it would help trans girls, trans women, non-binary, and anyone else that desires to wear affirming clothing. Please refrain from using any hurtful language if you’re doing so. Thank you and hugs!

Links to sources:

https://www.healthline.com/health/women-body-shapes#why-shape-fluctuates

https://www.thestylatude.com/post/the-most-common-body-shapes-for-women-and-how-to-find-out-yours

https://theconceptwardrobe.com/build-a-wardrobe/inverted-triangle-body-shape

https://www.thestylebouquet.com/2020/02/17/5-most-common-body-shapes-for-women/

https://dressedformyday.com/how-to-discover-your-body-proportions/

https://gabriellearruda.com/how-to-dress-better-female-body-shape/

https://m2fguide.com/how-to-pick-clothes-if-youre-transgender-or-crossdressing/

https://feminizationsecrets.com/mtf-clothing-tips/

https://www.instagram.com/p/CHBk9v0J_WO/

https://www.transgendermap.com/social/clothing-accessories/

https://apexfoot.com/shoe-sizing-chart/

https://www.glamourboutique.com/crossdresser-fashion/guide-male-female-shoe-sizes-33255#:~:text=Minimize%20the%20chance%20of%20having,11%20in%20a%20women’s%20shoe

#useful #important

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"Coming up on 3 months since cracking. It's still, like, a week away, but honestly, close enough and I wanna write this post now. Not much is gonna change in that time anyway."

"Not much is gonna change in that time anyway."

This quote from my last personal log aged kinda poorly. Today is the actual 3 month mark.

Gonna tread lightly and be careful with this one, I generally do so when discussing my asexuality specifically, it's a dodgy topic.

I already mentioned how suprised I was by my overall mental shift. I've already kinda adapted to a new name and she/her without actually using them, Im just really good at daydreaming. This has been part of a wider mental shift I've been noticing towards feeling alot more fem.

Around when I first cracked, I suspected that I wasn't actually aro, and my romantic feelings were just heavily repressed because I couldn't imagine myself in a relationship as a guy.

The more time passed, the more I started getting more confident in that theory. If I were a girl, I would strongly desire a romantic relationship. I was still sure of the ace part.

But then, something weird happened the other day, and, to put it bluntly, I think I felt attraction for the first time? Like, I was looking at a woman with some nice muscles and, idk. Just got this weird feeling, felt a little whoozy and light headed. idk if it's like that every time people feel attraction, maybe it was just that case or just the first time?

There's more detail I would be tempted to add, but I don't think its a good idea, I'm gonna keep it safe. I'm not 100% sure what kind of attraction it was, but I'm actually kinda leaning towards sexual. So, idk, am I still ace then??? Maybe these feelings will get stronger over time. Apparently HRT can act as a complete sexuality reroll anyway so I shouldn't stress too much. Just taken aback by the fact that I actually finally know what this whole attraction thing feels like.

(And I know not many people read these, I just write them here because it feels better than keeping a personal diary for some reason, but just in case I have to say it: Please, don't make it weird.)

#personal logs #lgbtqia #196 #transgender #transfem #lgbtq #aroace #asexuality #asexual #aromantic

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“After thirty years of intensive research, we can now answer many of the questions posed earlier. The recycle rate of a human being is around sixteen hours. After sixteen hours of being awake, the brain begins to fail. Humans need more than seven hours of sleep each night to maintain cognitive performance. After ten days of just seven hours of sleep, the brain is as dysfunctional as it would be after going without sleep for twenty-four hours. Three full nights of recovery sleep (i.e., more nights than a weekend) are insufficient to restore performance back to normal levels after a week of short sleeping. Finally, the human mind cannot accurately sense how sleep-deprived it is when sleep-deprived.”

— Matthew Walker PhD, Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams (via themedicalstate)

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i love the phrase "cruel and unusual." not only is what you're doing mean but it's also quite frankly fucking bizarre

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Dealing With Executive Dysfunction - A Masterpost

The “getting it done in an unconventional way” method.

The “it’s not cheating to do it the easy way” method.

The “fuck what you’re supposed to do” method.

The “get stuff done while you wait” method.

The “you don’t have to do everything at once” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be permanent to be helpful” method.

The “break the task into smaller steps” method.

The “treat yourself like a pet” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be all or nothing” method.

The “put on a persona” method.

The “act like you’re filming a tutorial” method.

The “you don’t have to do it perfectly” method.

The “wait for a trigger” method.

The “do it for your future self” method.

The “might as well” method.

The “when self discipline doesn’t cut it” method.

The “taking care of yourself to take care of your pet” method.

The “make it easy” method.

The “junebugging” method.

The “just show up” method.

The “accept when you need help” method.

The “make it into a game” method.

The “everything worth doing is worth doing poorly” method.

The “trick yourself” method.

The “break it into even smaller steps” method.

The “let go of should” method.

The “your body is an animal you have to take care of” method.

The “fork theory” method.

The “effectivity over aesthetics” method.

#useful #important

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I love Hideo Kojima he makes multiple games where characters give long winded monologues (that he personally wrote) about how US entertainment media is designed to manufacture consent for the military, and then he'll spend 3 days gushing about Top Gun

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1 Year

March 3rd is my 1 year on HRT and felt like I wanted to show what my final realisation was to accepting that HRT was my only option. Some context:

I was born with pulmonary stenosis and all you need to know is my pulmonary valve doesn't work and I need surgery every ~10 years to get a valve replacement. This event takes place on Nov. 1, 2022 the night after my 2nd heart surgery and even though the pain from an artificial valve and an incorrectly place IV drip in my hand hurt like hell the most painful thing I kept seeing was my reflection.