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deletingpoint · 5 years

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destiel fic recs part 3

Part 1

Part 2

I’ve added heart to the ones i really-really love for perhaps personal reasons, but otherwise these are all beautiful fics and you won’t regret reading them! (same goes for my previous lists obvi :))

<10 k

The Secret Santa of Cubicle Land by followyourenergy Castiel Novak has never loved the workplace Secret Santa tradition, but he loves watching his coworker (and his very straight, secret crush) Dean Winchester’s enthusiastic responses to his daily gifts. Dean is so enthusiastic that he declares he’s going to ask his Secret Santa on a date.

Dry in the Downpour by almaasi Dean was in half a mind – nay, three-quarters of a mind – just to turn back, go home, make coffee, call in sick and watch wrestling and porn all day, when the rain stopped abruptly.

He glanced around in surprise, then looked up.

An umbrella. Someone had put an umbrella over him.

Adagio by noangelsinthegarrison

<3 “His name’s Dean," Cas sighs, "And he’s really stupidly attractive, and when he dances, he feels it, you know? And it makes me feel like I know him, even though I don’t. He makes me feel like… like he’s dancing just for me.”Gabriel rolls his eyes, “Wow, you’re over-dramatic when you’re horny.”

He Thought He Was Reckless by MajorEnglishEsquire Cas settles back and rolls his head on the seat. Tugs on the corner of Dean’s jacket.

Sits there. Pathetic-looking and unnecessarily bleeding.

(a.k.a.: Dean is a super Soft Boy.)

The Age-long Rivalry Between Pilots and Engineers by Winglesss <3 Living on a space station isn´t easy. Especially when you share your quarters with someone like Castiel Novak.

Irresistible by raths_kitten

<3 Castiel is a lonely wizard longing for a familiar to bond with. Dean just really wants a taste of this pie that’s luring him in somehow.

so this is the miracle by deanniker He doesn't believe in magic, or fairytales, or happy endings. If someone were to ask his opinion, he'd say that the ball is nothing more than a clever stunt, something meant to drum up popular support for the new king, that would inevitably come to naught when he married some foreign princess.

No one asks him his opinion, of course.

10-50 k

A Brief Glimpse by cloudyjenn Castiel is utterly convinced he can't love anyone, but Sam, so when a strange occurrence at a carnival shows him otherwise, he doesn't know what to do.

Unholy Ground by teacass (Fushigi) “And I’m not a vandal,” the man shoots back. “My name’s Dean. And I think there’s been a misunderstanding—”

“No,” Castiel hisses. “I have watched you. I have seen you creep around with your shovel and your gun and I have seen you trying to desecrate the graves, my graves, so do not talk to me about a misunderstanding—” Dean holds his hands up and shakes his head. “Shit, man, I swear I’m not trying to—” Castiel has had enough, though, so he flicks his wrist and pushes Dean over one of the tombstones and down to the ground. Dean falls with a grunt and tries to stand up quickly, but Castiel keeps him pinned to the ground with a raise of his eyebrow. “I am the guardian of this cemetery,” he states when he stops and looks down on the struggling man. “I will not be made a fool of, especially not by someone like you.”

Chili Peppers by justanothersong for literaryoblivion Dr. Winchester hears an off hand comment from one of his students and find himself browsing a website dedicated to rating university professors. He's not surprised by his rating -- but is a little miffed to see the department chair has an even better one. Clearly, something needs to be done about this.

The Choice by RedheadedSuperhero To solidify the alliance between the Houses of Veenah and Winchester, Castiel agrees to marry one of Lord John’s sons. It’s not like he has any say in that matter anyway – as a marriage of convenience is the fate of almost any royal omega. He is even grateful that the king of Winchester had offered him to make his own choice between his three children. From all he had heard, Castiel already likes the scholar Samuel from afar; he certainly prefers him to the infamous Demon Knight or Adam, who is hardly more than a pup. So, he believes his decision is already made as he travels towards his new home.

But unfortunately, things go horribly wrong, and Castiel finds himself alone in an unclaimed forest, with only a strange hunter to help him find his way the castle of Winchester. And by the time he arrives, he might have already changed his mind.

Don't Be So Charming by PieDarling - Very loosely based on the movie “Prince Charming” -

Prince Dean was always meant to be fortunate, all the fairies and witches in the kingdom of his father would shower him with gifts. However, one of them had a deep darkness in her heart and out of selfishness cursed him instead, condemning him to have everyone fall under his charm and never know true love. His only hope is to break the curse before his 21st birthday.

At first, Dean is lost. How can he fall in love when everyone he meets falls under his charm? He finds hope in a magic coin his mother left him and in search of that hope he sets out on a journey with his childhood friend, Castiel, as his companion. Castiel is the only person Dean has ever met to not be affected by his curse, he trusts him more than anyone else.

Manifest Destiny by KreweOfImp The year is 1899. The Wild West is in its dying days—but don’t tell that to the outlaws of Eastern Kansas. The gangs are Winchester and Novak, and the feud is bitter and blood-soaked.

The families were friendly once upon on a time, but that time is long gone, and when Michael Novak, the second-in-command to the Novaks, sees the opportunity to have Dean, golden boy and heir apparent to the Winchester gang at his mercy, he takes it. They have history, Michael and Dean, and he’s been waiting on this opportunity for a long time.

What Michael didn’t bank on was that his cousin Castiel, the Novak gang’s resident scapegoat and outcast, would have some sympathy for the prisoner—let alone start to like him.

Eyes Like Knives by jennyfly for palominopup When rockstar Dean Winchester comes home to Austin to play a stop on his sold-out tour, he's surprised after the encore by a hot cop barging backstage to deliver some awful news. Not only is Detective Castiel Novak the bearer of bad news, but he also wants to question Dean's estranged brother, Sam. Can a frantic police investigation over the course of a single weekend result in a lasting romance? Hey, this is fanfiction; why not?

Knocking on Heaven's Door by sir_kingsley Dean Winchester left Castiel Novak in pieces when he broke off their engagement 21 days before they were supposed to get married. Now, a year later, Castiel has put himself back together and is moving on with his life and he seems to be doing okay. Until Dean comes knocking on his door at ass-o'clock in the morning. Now Cas must come to terms with the mess of a man who broke his heart but somehow still... has it.

Shadow and Storm by zaphodsgirl One night, a mysterious visitor appears in young Prince Dean's bedroom, and he suddenly finds himself transported to an abandoned replica of his home in an unknown land. He learns quickly that the borders are finite, and none may leave without incurring the wrath of the guardian: a dragon the people call Storm.

Left with no choice, Dean adapts to life as the others have, tending to the animals and working the land to survive. As he grows up, the life he knew as a prince seems more and more distant, until a new person arrives that he remembers from his childhood. Shaken by this arrival, Dean’s desire to escape returns anew, and he discovers more than he wanted to know about the Shadowlands and its occupants -- especially about the mysterious guardian of the castle, Castiel.

Such Familiar Magic by saltnhalo When solitary witch Castiel finds an injured dog unconscious in his garden, he takes it in. He's expecting to heal it, look after it for a few days, then perhaps return it to its owners.

He's not expecting it to be one of the strongest familiars he's ever met.

The Greatest International Love Story the World Has Ever Seen by MalMuses Dean wasn’t the type of person who did this kind of thing. He just wasn’t. GISH?? Ugh. The whole thing was just further proof that Dean would do anything his brother wanted him to do. Why else would he be in a Stormtrooper costume, calling up his ex-girlfriend for a private yoga class? Had he been stuck in a rut that long? Given that he’d been pining for the same freakin’ guy, his professor and coworker no less, for three long years… maybe.

Cas was definitely the type of person who did this kind of thing, not that many people knew that. He was one of the most well-respected professors at KSU. His students and coworkers didn’t need to know that he was captain of a GISH team, or that he knitted kinky accessories and made art with his online friends. His TA certainly didn’t need to know either. Just professionalism, of course. Nothing at all to do with the failed attempt at a relationship, three years of pining, and frequent inappropriate daydreams.

A two-person love triangle with online friendships, costumes, and a lot of glitter.

Scintilla by WinchestersRaven Dean Winchester: ghost hunter extraordinaire! Call now for all your paranormal needs!

He cringes at the flyer. It's tacky and cliche, but Sam insisted it would bring in more customers. And dammit, if he wasn't right--this new case sounds like a doozy.

Dean’s a medium with a unique gift of being an empath. Seeing and speaking with the dead is as normal to him as speaking with his brother, Sam. A new job leads him to Georgia, Castiel Novak, and a historical home that’s tucked away on a mountain. As he investigates, he not only uncovers the secrets of his client’s family but also one of his own that he may not recover from. One that has the potential to destroy the budding relationship that is quickly forming between him and Castiel. Will they make it through to see the light on the other side? Or will the darkness that surrounds the home claim them as its next victims?

If At First You Don't Succeed (Destroy All Evidence That You Ever Tried) byjustkeeponwriting “Three days, Cas,” Dean groaned. “You’re not going to call her tomorrow and scare her off, like you always do! Or worse, tonight! That has ‘creeper’ written all over it.”Or, the one where Dean pretends to be a woman who likes to text Cas in order to teach him a lesson, and finds that he’s way in over his head. (Inspired by How I Met Your Mother's episode 4x21, "The Three Days Rule".)

Pineapple on Pizza by HigherMagic In a world where everyone is colorblind until meeting their soulmate, Castiel suddenly sees color during one of his concerts.

Lois Lane Never Had it So Hard by FunnyWings <3 It started with the most humiliating picture of Dean Winchester's life and just snowballed from there.When a sinister new big bad moves into Lawrence Kansas, will the local heroes (and maybe a few villains) be able to band together and save their home?

Get a Whiff of This by bendingsignpost <3 When no good deed goes unpunished, Dean ends up sentenced to community service for physically defending another Omega at his job. That is, at his former job. It's all a steaming pile of shit, and that's exactly what he has to clean up at the joint animal shelter and clinic he's been assigned to.With a face full of allergies and a horrific mood, all Dean has to do is get through six weeks of this sinus-assaulting torture. That's not so easy with a smartass Alpha receptionist, but at least the weird Beta vet might just end up being kinda cool.

Dean Winchester is Not Afraid of Ghosts by Desirae When photographer Dean Winchester is not capturing momentous occasions like weddings and graduations with his Nikon, he is moonlighting as the cameraman for the South Shore Paranormal; a ghost hunting series on YouTube, headed by his brother Sam, and Sam's best friend Gabriel.Despite his brother's adamance, Dean Winchester does not believe in ghosts. And no one is going to change his mind. Certainly not a scam artist like Castiel Novak. Castiel is a self-proclaimed medium... and Gabriel's brother. When a member of the SSP team has to leave the crew, Castiel is the replacement, much to Dean's dismay. But the more they work together, the more Dean is drawn to Castiel, the man stirring up protective instincts usually only reserved for family.What happens when Dean realizes that Castiel is not the fake he always thought he was, but instead, a generous soul that Dean is rapidly falling in love with?

Looking For Group by athaclena Dean Winchester is in love with his best friend, a man he has never met, who goes by the handle AngelofThursday. Problem is, Thursday values his privacy and refuses to meet. Dean buries himself in his work at his bakery Slice of Pi and in computer games, desperately trying to move on from a man he can never have.

James Novak has problems of his own. Trying to cling onto what sense of security he can, he drifts around the city from café to coffee-shop to bar, using their wi-fi to keep his online footprint anonymous. He falls in lust with The Beautiful Man at his favourite coffee-shop, Study/Break, and turns to his best friend The_Michaelsword for advice.

A two-person love triangle for the digital age.

Time Still Exists by starespressos Castiel Novak has dreamed of participating in a theater dancing project forever. When a spot opens at Rowena MacLeod's theater, he jumps right in -- even though it means taking over from someone who has recently passed away. Soon enough, he meets Dean, who spends almost as much time at the theater as Castiel does but refuses to share any details about himself. Castiel is intrigued by him, and not only because Dean is the first person in a long time to treat him with anything less than admiration. As their friendship and the mystery around Dean deepen over time, Castiel’s perception of both himself and the universe is changed forever.

Falling Through The Ice by athaclena for JupiterJames Dean's finally retired from the Dallas Stars, and he's back at his original home ice-rink for a publicity stunt for his autobiography. Problem is, he has to do something that terrifies him. Second problem is, he has to do it in front of the man he was best friends with as a kid, until the ice cracked under him and he was left on the wrong side of an increasingly large chasm.

A story about smashing expectations (and some pumpkins), what it means to be brave, and how to follow your heart. Also, smut.

Genie in a Bottle by thepopeisdope

<3 When Dean finds (okay, steals) a bottle containing a strange, glowing blue substance, he does so thinking it's a cool novelty, at best. It didn't exactly cross his mind that the substance might be a living being, let alone a grumpy, sarcastic, perpetually-underdressed genie waiting for a new master. But now that he has a bona fide genie at his disposal, well-what better chance will he have to help things along with Lisa?

Except, things don't always go as expected, relationships are complicated, magic is never the solution, and sometimes the person you want isn't the person you need.

Between the Lines by JhanaMay Environmental rights activist Castiel Novak may not have grown up on the Plains, but he has thrown himself into protecting and conserving South Dakota’s natural treasures as if he was a native. When Dean Winchester, Hollywood’s modern day John Wayne, comes to South Dakota to film his next movie, Cas is more focused on preventing the environmental damage Dean’s movies cause than hoping for a chance to meet him. After Cas makes some negative comments on social media about the actor’s authenticity as a cowboy, he is invited to spend a week alone with the star, roughing it in the wilderness. Cas sets out to prove exactly how fake Dean Winchester really is, but he isn’t expecting to find out that Dean is a troubled man running from a past that is just as difficult as his own.

50-100 k

so bitter and so sweet by superhoney Dean has known about the family curse ever since it claimed the life of his mother: anyone who dares to love a Winchester is fated to die. When he takes a chance on love and loses his husband Benny, his belief in its power only grows stronger.

Two years later, a late-night phone call from his brother Sam sends both of their lives spinning wildly out of control. Then Officer Cas Novak arrives in town, looking into the disappearance of Sam’s girlfriend Ruby, and starts asking questions Sam and Dean can’t answer. Complicating matters even further, Dean feels an immediate, overwhelming connection to the intense, blue-eyed source of their problems.

Dealing with all the secrets, the lies, and a brother slowly crumbling under the weight of his guilt doesn’t leave much time for romance, but as Cas gets closer to the truth, he also gets closer to Dean.

Will you be my ten inch hero? by NotfunnyDean (IronEyes) When John Winchester kicks Dean out, after he saw him kissing another boy, and Dean sees that Sam has a perfect life at Stanford without him, Dean starts a new life in Santa Cruz. He works at a tiny shop as a cook, has found some friends there, and is overall happy enough. That changes when Castiel comes into his shop and his Co-worker Azara, who has a different man every night, starts flirting with him right in front of Dean. Not that he would be jealous or anything, but there is something about Castiel that makes him weak in the knees. Only that Castiel would never want him back, right?

Reality of Dreams by sternchencas for my sister Dean Winchester has been living a boring life. At least until his brother is missing, the police think he has something to do with it, and a group of people who call themselves 'Liberi Somniorum' and live in an underground bunker ask him to join them so they can teach him how to use his dreaming abilities. As if that isn't bad enough, the police also took his car and then there's this guy in a trenchcoat who's guarding him, and some dark secret. Dean does his best to convince himself it's a dream. But somehow, sometimes, dreams can be very real, and this time, he just can't wake up.

Green Corners by rustling_pages

<3 After the death of his son, there is nothing left for Dean other than his garden market. His days are tough, the nights are tougher, but at least there's a reason to get up in the morning. And with the new boom on do-it-yourself garden magic, his business is going okay.

Amidst the passing of time, there is only one thing that distracts him from functioning like a normal human being: Diagonally across the street, in the display window of that traditional Herb and Potion shop, plants are dying in masses.

Storming in to confront the owner goes differently than he imagined, though. Castiel Novak may be the kind of guy who wears old-fashioned mage robes and keeps his shop in sweltering heat, but he's also a talented herbalist, the kindest soul Dean has ever met, and utterly beautiful.

Not that Dean is ready for anything other than friendship.

(Not that Cas doesn’t get sick a bit too often.)

And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets <3 Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen.Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen.

Turn the World to Gold by superhoney, teacass (Fushigi)

<3 Just as Dean is starting to get comfortable at his new mining job in Nevada, the site is shaken by the announcement of a six-week visit from a team of consultants hired to make changes to the practices and procedures of the mine. Among that team is Castiel Novak, one of the most coolly infuriating, stuck-up, unfairly attractive men Dean has ever met.

The friction between them comes to a head during an unexpected but scorching hot makeout session at a company picnic, and they soon fall into a pattern of hooking up at the site or after work at Castiel’s hotel. But it’s just sex, or so they keep telling themselves. Castiel is only in Nevada for six weeks. They’ll have their fun, and then it’ll be over. But as those six weeks go by and they gradually get to know each other, both of them find themselves wondering if there might be a chance it could become something more.

Where the Lightning Splits the Sea by thepopeisdope Seattle’s hero never fails to live up to his given nickname. Like an angel, he appears when he’s needed most, a miracle when none is expected; he gets in quick, then gets out quicker, and like the angel he is, he goes off to perform his miracles elsewhere, often without any link between one miracle and the next, aside from the fact that he shows up when someone needs help.That’s how Dean met him, after all. The Angel is the only reason he’s alive.And that’s also why Dean is more than a little bit in love with him.But when the Angel is suddenly defeated, Dean’s world turns on its head. His city is in a vacuum, heroless for the first time in years, and to make Dean’s life even harder, his roommate has turned quiet, withdrawn. Dean doesn’t know what happened to make Cas’ mood swing so drastically, but he wants nothing more than to see him happy again. Dean owes the Angel a debt. Choosing between the two isn’t an easy thing to do.When the Hunter is born, the balance becomes nearly impossible to keep up.

Pining Sickness; Or, Murder With One Stone by athaclena, iraeim New York, 1895. The rigid customs of the old century are beginning to fall away, allowing access to the professions for more people than just Omega men and Alpha women. Dean Winchester, the city’s first Alpha male Detective, uncovers evidence that a mysterious new illness killing mated couples might have its origins is the criminal rather than the medical.Castiel Novak is a respectable Omega doctor who has started to see patients dying cruelly of something he cannot cure or even effectively treat. Approached by the Detective to once again give his medical expertise, he is eager to work towards finding a cause and, he hopes, a cure for the unfortunate sufferers. But both men harbour a secret attraction towards the other, and the quest for the truth will stretch their relationship beyond its limits.A historical murder mystery set against a backdrop of a non-traditional Omegaverse.

Silver and Cold by superhoney The death of a young man in an apparent animal attack brings hunter Cas Novak to the small town of Sydnam, Maine. It doesn’t take long for him to realize he’s tracking a werewolf, but discovering the killer’s identity is no easy task. All signs point towards Dean Winchester, a lonely recluse who lives in the middle of the woods and whose antagonistic behaviour does little to lessen Cas’ suspicions.As the investigation drags on, their mutual distrust gives way to a wary alliance. Cas’ instincts warn him that Dean is hiding something, but as he uncovers the man beneath the mystery, his professional interest becomes far more personal. Praying his faith in Dean isn’t misplaced, Cas races to catch the killer before the next full moon rises and another life is abruptly cut short.

The Horse-King by cloud_wolfbane, opal_bullets When orphans Sam and Dean Winchester get jobs in Horsetown, they figure that being stable boys is just their lot in life. But when King Metatron takes a peculiar liking to an even more peculiar horse they find themselves in the middle of an intrigue they barely understand, leading to an adventure full of magic and mystery, faith and betrayal, and maybe - if they survive it - love.

In Some Sacred Place by Hellosaidthemoon, schmerzerling Dean has cystic fibrosis, a brutal respiratory disease that means he can’t cut it in the life his father chose for him, despite his very best efforts. He also has a give ‘em hell attitude and a dogged crush on his childhood best friend. Castiel has an absent father, a stellar GPA, a comprehensive ten-year plan, and—a lot of reservations about all this.

Should've Just Asked by Annie D (scaramouche) Despite their age gap and differing social circles, Castiel has struck up a warm friendship with Mary Winchester, a wealthy widowed socialite. When Castiel needs a place to stay, Mary invites him into her house, where there’s loads of spare room. Castiel’s aware that they make an odd pair, but he doesn’t fully realize how things look to outsiders, especially to Mary’s eldest son. All Dean Winchester sees is that his mom has apparently hooked up with a hot young guy (who is totally Dean’s type) and that makes things… weird.

100+ k

The Brave and the Bold by manifestingwings In a world where dragons reign over the mountains and terror looms in the streets of the city of Lavendel, Dean Winchester never expected his main problem to be a surly thief with eyes like the sea and a rare smile. As Captain of the Guard, he knows he has to arrest him for his crimes, but there may be bigger things at stake…

Shot Through The Heart by peanutbutterjelly-pie (Aleakim) As a hunter Dean finds himself more often than not relying on the help of the Men of Letters. Most of the time that's not much of a problem - if it wasn't for Castiel, the smartass bookworm with the piercing blue eyes, the messy hair and the rude attitude.

He's been an annoying thorn in Dean's side since day one - and the hunter doesn't see that change anytime soon!

Everyone's a Critic by Englandwouldfall The one where uninspired chef Dean Winchester has a one night stand with the male (!) food critic who described the flavour of his garlic bread as 'closeted' and accidentally ends up dating him to try and prove that he's a kick ass chef, thank you very much.

(He may have a point about the 'closeted' thing).

Dreaming in Digital by Ltleflrt for jupiter_james Set in a Cyberpunk world where global warming and climate change has driven most of the human population into domed cities, Sam and Dean hunt rogue tech and science experiments gone wrong in the shadows, protecting the lives of those the government doesn't care about anymore. On a trip to the dump to scavenge for valuables Dean finds Castiel, an Angel Industries sex bot, which is worth his weight in credits. But when he turns the sex bot on, he learns that Castiel is sentient.

Artificial Intelligence is illegal, and for good reason, but Cas doesn't put off dangerous vibes. That doesn't stop Sam from researching his creators while Dean's off making friends with the android. If there's someone out there creating a robot army unconstrained by the 3 rules of robotics, Sam's going to make sure the operation is shut down for good.

Castiel just wants to exist. He wants to read and work in the Winchester's greenhouse and have movie nights with Dean. But he also wants to understand. Himself. His unexpected reaction to Dean. What it it means to feel.

A Graced Kingdom by angvlicmish

<3 this is a wip but i can’t not add it!!! Ten years ago, the Northern Continent was at peace, angels and humans living side by side until the human King Winchester of Torrin waged war against the angels in an attempt to wipe them out - an attempt that almost succeeded. However, to this day some angels still remain in hiding and with an unpredictable turn of events one of them finds himself as the personal guard to King Winchester’s firstborn son, Prince Dean. With a strange ability no angel has had before - to hide his own wings - no one knows that they have just let their greatest enemy into the heart of their kingdom.

Alone and struggling to deal with being surrounded by the ones who slaughtered his people, Castiel comes head to head with the Crown Prince. But what he finds within the man is not what he expected and they soon become each other’s only comfort.

Will Dean be the strength Castiel needs to pull through or will he be the weakness that will tear everything to pieces?

#destiel fic recs #destiel rec list #spn fic rec #destiel fic rec #destielfanficnet #destiel #these are almost all au-s

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rauliskafan · 6 years

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A Hard Lesson in Miracles: Chapter 4

Authors’ Note: Merry Christmas Eve, excellent readers!!! As promised, here is Chapter 4. Rafael pays a visit to Liv... and his plans for the perfect gift hit a snag. Read on to see what happens next!!! @vintagemichelle91 and I hope that you enjoy!!!

“Hey! Long time no see!”

Carisi practically leaped from his seat and rushed towards Rafael. The detective seized hold of his hand vigorously, but suddenly stopped short.

“I… sorry,” he said. “I didn’t think… was that too much?”

“From you, Carisi?” Rafael quipped. “Always.” Still he shook the other man’s hand and returned his smile.

“What brings you by?” Carisi asked.

“Natalia wanted to make sure that you’re coming to dinner tonight.”

“Wouldn’t miss it!” Carisi beamed. “If she needs any help with the gravy, I can come by a little early.”

“My wife has the matter under control,” Rafael said, slapping Carisi’s back…

…and spying Rollins back at her desk. She turned her attention to her computer, trying to look busy. Rafael walked towards her and spied her blank screen.

“That’s some case you’re trying to crack,” he said. Rollins blushed and kicked away from her seat, her hands balled into fists at her sides.

“Sorry,” she said. “I really wasn’t trying to avoid you.”

“Funny because that’s exactly what it looked like,” Rafael said.

Rollins shuffled her feet and nibbled on her bottom lip. This was as close as they had been since the night of his arrest, and he started to speak when Rollins got the first word.

“Sorry,” she repeated.

“That again?” he asked.

“You know what I’m getting at, Barba,” she said. “If I hadn’t been at Eve’s place, then maybe---”

“Cutter would have figured out another way,” Rafael said. “Man was out for a scapegoat.”

“Deck was stacked against us,” Rollins admitted. “But you paid the heavier price.”

He didn’t… couldn’t object. But had he to do it over again, he still would have made the move to protect her. And Dodds.

Naturally Natalia.

“Let’s hope for a better boss the third time around,” Rafael said.

“No one can be worse than Cutter,” Rollins said. “Or Ward.”

“Agreed.”

He felt the urge to hug her but just touched his hand to her cheek, his fingers tapping against her skin.

“So, we’ll see you tonight, too?” he asked.

Rollins blush brightened under the few tears she blinked back, and he accepted her hug, took some comfort in the fact that she had come through the other side of her own kind of hell. Another sign that the light at the end of the longest tunnel was within his reach.

“Be there with bells on,” Rollins said.

“Trevor said the same thing,” Rafael replied with a grin. “Lots of jingle jangle on the horizon.”

“Perfect time of year for it!” Carisi declared. Rafael watched them stand close, their voices mingling in low whispers. The picture seemed perfect, and his steps felt lighter as he knocked on the next door to cross his line of sight.

“Holding down the fort without me?”

Liv beckoned Rafael into her office and hugged him close even before she started to close the door, just leaving it cracked.

“Holding my own,” she assured him. “But of course, I’m counting the days until we get you back.”

Drawing in a deep breath, Rafael slumped into the chair before her desk, cracking his knuckles and lowering his eyes.

“Would be nice if there was any kind of word… one way or the other,” he admitted. “I don’t suppose that you’ve heard anything.”

“Sorry, Rafa,” she sadly confessed. “I can put some feelers out. Maybe speak to Bill and---”

“Don’t do that,” Rafael cautioned. “I’m sure he has his hands full with Mike. Any update on that?”

“Think he might be moving to OCCB,” Liv said.

“That’s where he’s landing?” Rafael remarked. “And his father is alright with that?”

“Bill thinks it could put him good with the FBI,” Liv said.

“The Chief is always thinking.”

“Don’t know if Mike is overjoyed,” Liv said.

“I can imagine.”

“But the way it stands, he’s not getting a say in his second chance.”

“Doesn’t bode well for me,” Rafael said.

“You’re going to land on your feet,” Liv promised, reaching across the desk to pat his wrist. They sat without speaking, his ear turned towards the slightly open door. He heard phones ringing and voices discussing the best way to follow a lead, who to bring in as a witness. Would he ever get back to this world?

“As long as you’re not thinking of playing for the other side,” Liv carefully commented.

“Come on,” he said, his lips curling into a smirk. “Just because I have an itch doesn’t mean I’m going to scratch until my skin’s raw.”

“Glad to hear it,” she said with a little laugh, reclining back in her seat and folding her arms across her chest. “But awkward metaphors aside---”

“Are you suddenly not a fan of my wordplay?” he challenged.

“Now you come on,” she said. “Got enough of your back catalog in my brain for a long car trip.”

“Pleasure to keep you company,” he said, seeing her roll her eyes before she narrowed her stare.

“The jokes aside, how are you holding up?”

“Fine, I…”

His voice trailed off, and he left his seat. Pacing the room and lingering at the window, Rafael wondered if it was all a pipe dream, if his days defeating the defense were nothing more than a piece of the past.

“Maybe it’s better that I see you with this,” he finally said, his long fingers surrounding the visitor’s pass.

“No,” Liv said. “Not your best look.”

“You are on a roll today, Lieutenant,” he scoffed.

“Rafael, I’m not asking if you’ll blow the world away the next time you face a jury. Because that much is true.”

“Have you been talking to my wife?” he asked.

“Not about this,” Liv swore. “If we’re on this same wavelength, it’s because we both know you that well. But I’m not talking to the ADA right now.”

Standing slowly, she slid to his side and gently grabbed his shoulder.

“I’m talking to my friend,” she stressed. “How is everything else? Is there anything that you need to talk about?”

What could he say? He was happy in the townhouse with Natalia, happy in their bed as they wrapped presents and she cuddled against his chest night after night. But in his mind, something was missing. His wife would never say… maybe she truly didn’t see a problem.

“I… let’s just say that I want to be Natalia’s husband again. Not just her… roommate.”

The words sounded pathetic as soon as they dripped off his tongue, and a part of him was ready for Liv to take his hands and soothe him with a few sweet words when she slapped his shoulder.

“Rafael, she hardly thinks of you like that.”

With her hands on her hips, Liv lifted both eyebrows and waited. Something in her stare… so much in the sound of her speech made his face flush.

“Of course, you’re right,” he said.

“I always am,” Liv answered. “Haven’t you learned that much by now?”

“How could I not when you tell everyone as much all the time?”

He was ready for her to look annoyed, a retort lying in wait at the back of his throat when she laughed and touched his arms.

“Just hurry up and get back here so I can keep telling you,” Liv said.

“Maybe a New Year’s resolution.”

“Good plan.”

She poured out two cups of coffee, and they sat again, talking about Noah’s presents and his gifts for the girls.

“So no hippos this year?” Liv asked.

“Bite your tongue,” Rafael said. “Violetta could share Harold.”

“Poor Hazel and Holly!”

Shifting in his seat he started to speak when his phone pinged.

“Hold on a sec…” Reading the words on the screen, his heart splintered before sinking in his chest.

“What’s up?” Liv worriedly asked. “Bad news?”

“Of all things…”

Saying nothing else, he turned his phone to Liv, and she retrieved her glasses to read the message.

“Dear Mr. Barba. We regret to inform you that Katie’s Kandy Kastle is unable to deliver---”

“Can you believe it?” Rafael snarled, stuffing the phone in his pocket.

“That you’re buying something from the KKK?” Liv quipped. “Never in a billion years.”

“Cute,” Rafael sneered. “It’s a place in Connecticut. Natalia loved their chocolates as a child. Alessia told me…. Alessia!”

He dialed his mother-in-law quickly. Again. And again.

“Why the hell isn’t she picking up?” Rafael asked.

“Probably because Brenna Harker wanted to see the show at Radio City. Trevor got tickets. And it’s a brave new world when Odafin Tutuola goes to watch the March of the Wooden Soldiers.”

“Fine,” Rafael said. “I’ll head there on my own.” His fingers frantically tapped at his keypad. He would take the failed delivery in his own hands so he could present Natalia with candies topped with spun sugar and…

“Oh, come on!”

“This our new catchphrase or what?” Liv asked.

“It’s not showing up on my GPS,” he angrily growled. “How the hell…?”

Leaving Liv’s office, he couldn’t help but look for Carisi and Rollins. Nowhere to be found. He turned back to Liv, and she looked ready to help when her phone rang.

“Liv? Please don’t tell me that---”

“Rafael, I’m sorry,” she said. “Lucy’s family is in early. She told me this might happen.”

“But how am I supposed to find this place?”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, hurrying back into her office for her coat. “I can get you a squad car if that would---”

“So I can stumble blindly solo towards a place that mattered to my wife as a little girl?”

“Bet there’s someone else who could help you with that,” Liv said. “Make the right call, and I’ll see you tonight with that perfect gift in hand.”

He was on the verge of flailing his arms in the air, begging Liv to clarify the statement when her words clicked. Maybe they hadn’t actually grown up together, but there was someone who might know the way, and he dialed her number without another thought.

“Hey. I know you don’t want to talk to me but---”

“How many times are we going to do this dance?”

“You’re the pro. You tell me.”

He could see Maggie’s furrowed brow in his mind’s eye and had to smile as she continued her protest.

“I don’t care what you have to say. I can’t just show up there tonight and---”

“Mike is.”

He paused on the busy city street, hearing Maggie’s heavy side before she spoke again.

“He’s nicer than me,” Maggie said.

“I don’t buy that,” Rafael said. “Where are you?”

“Well I’m just leaving---”

“Can you meet me at the squad? Do you have a car?”

“Like I don’t have anything better to do?” Maggie barked. There was a time where he would have called her out for taking advantage while living under his roof. Such a short span of seconds. Even before blood was a part of the bargain, Maggie became family. And all that had happened aside…

“Please, Maggie. I need your help.”

He waited, clutching his phone, until she finally sighed.

“I’m on my way, counselor.”

#raúl esparza #rafael barba #natalia barba #olivia benson #dominick sonny carisi #amanda rollins #maggie dodds #a hard lesson series #a hard lesson in miracles #law & order: svu #svu fanfiction

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myuun · 7 years

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pykiin

i can heavily relate to this, i started out fairly strong when i started uni this year and i feel as though i have rapidly spiraled downhill from there... im only in university because "i should be" and because the only other option is a job; ive never had one and cant even assure i can maintain one, or get one in the first place (and be able to get to it) because im anxiety is so horrific - i feel like im just patiently waiting for a miracle or death or something idk

at this point im just awaiting my eventual exit from uni .. id love to live with my boyfriend but idk how thatd go and idk if i could financially support myself or what

im struggling to maintain any good grades because all i can do is stare at the wall and my entire brain just shuts off, so even if i wanted to continue with university for another year or two id have to repeat papers and overall its just more debt on my plate for something that i only considered as a "temporary option" - university was my scapegoat from my old town which was weighing me down

I absolutely absolutely understand what you mean. It’s so frustrating because as much as I want a job its like... I have to get into the mentality of getting one and continuing to work. I am so flaky about EVERYTHING; if I start working on something I get bored and leave. Same goes for jobs and stuff. ;_; Plus finding a job here is so hard... it just breaks your spirit.

I do feel like the reason I am studying still is because any other option is either DEATH or... work. And I have literally no skills. My one shining point is the fact I can speak spanish and... so what? I can’t waitress, I can’t host, I can’t make coffee. Literally everyone here is a fucking barista.

;__; Financially supporting yourself is also so scary and I understand your discomfort about it. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders when I get contacted by my landlord that i am late on payments. i do feel like I am just waiting for something to happen, for me to die or for me to suddenly wake up and be rich and have everything settled

;_; I understand so so so fully. This is my only escape out of Mexico and the fear of being dragged back scares me beyond believe. I know that no words of encouragement can fix either of our lives, but I do pray and hope that you conquer your anxiety and can eventually reach a life that feels fulfilling for you. ;__; thats all I can hope for myself and I hope with all my heart that you achieve it.

#pykiin

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sataniccapitalist · 7 years

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The Existential Strain

PARTICIPATE.

JULY 20, 2013

Dear Wafers:

I continue to receive attacks from Autonomous, and have become fascinated by his bile, his bitterness towards me. What, exactly, did I do to the poor guy? Essentially, I asked him to take a leap to a larger life—which is exactly the spiritual meaning of the poem I recommended he study, “On First Looking into Chapman’s Homer,” by John Keats. Here it is (George Chapman, by the way, 1559-1634, was a classical scholar and famous translator of Homer):

Much have I travell'd in the realms of gold,

And many goodly states and kingdoms seen;

Round many western islands have I been

Which bards in fealty to Apollo hold.

Oft of one wide expanse had I been told

That deep-brow'd Homer ruled as his demesne:

Yet did I never breathe its pure serene

Till I heard Chapman speak out loud and bold:

Then felt I like some watcher of the skies

When a new planet swims into his ken;

Or like stout Cortez, when with eagle eyes

He stared at the Pacific—and all his men

Look'd at each other with a wild surmise—

Silent, upon a peak in Darien.

(It was Balboa, by the way, not Cortez, who discovered the Pacific, but no matter.)

What is this “wild surmise,” except the realization that you have entered a new realm, and that your life is changed forever as a result? (“a new planet swims into his ken…”)

This is what George Steiner, in

In Bluebeard’s Castle

, called an existential strain (not his exact words, but…): a demand on an individual so great that it is terrifying, because he knows he cannot meet the challenge, and thus will remain a diminished person. Steiner’s argument was that starting with Christ, the Jews repeatedly issued these existential challenges to the Christian world, challenges they simply couldn’t live up to, but felt they should (e.g., Christ’s injunction to love your enemies—keep in mind that the guy was Jewish). Over the centuries, says Steiner, enormous resentment built up toward the Jews on the part of Christian Europe, which suffered from the existential strain of their inadequacy. The result was the wanton, wholesale murder of the Jews during World War II—a revenge killing, in other words.

It’s an interesting thesis, and I don’t know if it’s true (how would one prove it, for one thing?). Nor am I calling Autonomous a Nazi; of course not. But I think Steiner may be onto something, and I think it may be relevant to the existential strain I inadvertently imposed on Autonomous, and his subsequent need for revenge. He probably is not capable of reading and understanding Keats; he is probably also aware that online ‘learning’ is totally inadequate for the study of such a subject; he feels he

should

know about such things, be the type of person who does; and the consequent rage at his own impotence had to find a target—namely, the person who issued the challenge. I never expected he would take me up on it, of course (i.e., read Keats), but I assumed that would be because of his obvious stubbornness. But it seems it went deeper than that, and his virulent response is the result.

Of course, the problem is not that of one particular unhappy individual; it is, rather, that he represents so much of America—most Americans, I suspect. How resentful Americans are about their lives; how desperate they are for scapegoats, targets for their hatred. Who can they blame? There are limits to blaming corporations and Wall Street, because Americans themselves, as I’ve stated repeatedly, are complicit in the values promoted by the latter. And so they are haunted by their own betrayal. Here’s a real vignette, the product of a conversation I had with a dean of humanities at a major East Coast university a couple of years ago; I’ll call him Dean Guide. He was telling me of a former student of his (when Guide was a faculty member), whom I’ll call Toys, who came to see him twenty years later. Toys had been a rather poor student, not terribly interested in the humanities; he may have even dropped out of college, never have gotten his degree (I forget the details). But he went into business, where he was very successful, and as a result made piles of money, which he enjoyed spending on electronic gadgets. He invited Dean Guide over to his house for coffee, to “catch up on old times”; but the real purpose—or so Guide believed—was to prove to him (Guide) that he (Toys) had made good in the world, despite his failure to understand what Guide had tried to teach him—things he regarded as meaningless at the time. Toys paraded all his toys: stereo system, plasma TV, computers and their various functions, half a dozen cell phones, and so on. Guide was very polite, just nodding, or saying, “Very nice,” or something to that effect. Then the two of them sat down on opposite couches, Toys poured out coffee for both of them, and a pained and embarrassed look came over his face. “What gives you meaning?,” he asked his old teacher. Toys was literally squirming in his seat.

Guide told me he was taken aback. The obvious discomfort that Toys revealed was that he knew, on some level, that all of these toys were shit; that in any ultimate existential sense, they didn’t amount to anything. Guide didn’t know what to say, and I can’t recall what he

did

say. What gave him meaning, of course, was teaching young people about values that they might use to guide their lives; or now, as a dean of humanities, running a department in which the faculty members were committed to the same agenda. I don’t think he said that, however, precisely because of the issue of existential strain. What could he say to Toys, really? Your life is a mistake? These toys are worthless, they have nothing to do with what’s really important? As I said, I don’t recall what he said to Toys, but to me he said something along the lines of, “There are no shortcuts. Either you are living a life that is real, that is courageous, that is existentially valid, or you aren’t. Toys was suffering because he understood that he had made the wrong choice.” Once again, this is a true story; this exchange actually occurred.

I think there is something crucially important here, not merely to understanding Toys, or Autonomous—whose own situations are neither here nor there, really—but America in general.

Why America Failed

describes a hustling culture in which the nation repeatedly rejected the possibility of the “other path,” whether it was offered by Emerson or Thoreau or Mumford or Jimmy Carter, and opted instead for what Sartre referred to as “bad faith” (

mauvaise foi

): the phenomenon whereby a human being under pressure from societal forces adopts false values and disowns his/her innate freedom to act, to live an authentic life. (What Tolstoy’s Ivan Illych realized too late, just before he died.) The American Dream was a siren song, and now that it has run aground on the rocks, Americans are left with nothing, because they thought what Emerson et al. were saying was just a lot of soft-headed rot. Toys, to his credit, was not bitter; he was just hurting and confused, in need of guidance. Maybe there’s hope for him after all (I suppose I should check back with Dean Guide as to how things turned out). But the case of Autonomous is, I suspect, much more typical, the path (again, pardon the hyperbole) of revenge of Christian Europe against the Jews: lash out in your existential guilt, your hatred and impotence.

If you ask me what can be done about America, about this psychological configuration, you of course already know my answer: nothing. There

no remedy; this is as obvious as horns on a bull. I write this not to ‘rectify’ the situation, but merely to illuminate another aspect of our national suicide, one that I have thus far not seen in print. Of course, for a whole host of reasons, I’m not expecting any great public discussion to follow in the wake of this essay; that would be a miracle all its own. But I think it’s worth putting the argument out there, if only for the tiny handful of people who might want to think about it. Long ago, Americans bet on the wrong horse, and they are now unable to change horses in midstream. This existential failure, it seems to me, is a crucial piece of the puzzle as to why we are now in a state of widespread collapse. We stare down from a peak in Darien, and on some level we really do understand it: we blew it; there is no place to go.

http://morrisberman.blogspot.com/2013/07/the-existential-strain_20.html

#morris berman #murica #john keats #ivan illich #toys #capitalism

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soulful-ofevans · 7 years

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I’m Thinking Out Loud - Bucky Barnes

**Valentine’s Day Special Imagines!**

Request: Can you write one where Bucky and tony Starks daughter have been dating for a few years? Tony throws a party on Valentine's Day and during Ed Sheeran's Thinking Out Loud Bucky proposes to her? He picked that song cause she loves it so much.

people: Bucky x Reader

warnings: fluffY!

When your legs don't work like they used to before and I can't sweep you off of your feet, will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?

He couldn’t believe this, Bucky couldn’t think of one time in his life where he would imagine himself he standing in front of a three-sided mirror, fixing his tie and adjusting the unpleasantly tight pantsuit that he had on. Looking up into the mirror, Bucky could only think of one reason he’d ever dress up in a monkey suit, and attend Tony Stark’s Valentine’s Day party. That reason was you, YN Stark. The most tenacious, persevering, clever, fierce, loving woman James Barnes ever laid eyes on.

Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

Bucky’s mind couldn’t help but drift as he descended the stairs, landing on your resting figure near the ballroom doors. You’d been waiting along with the rest of the Avengers for the party to begin. As soon as he caught sight of that deep brunette hair, he smelt the cups of coffee you’d make him in the morning when he woke.

And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70. And baby my heart could still fall as hard at 23, and I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways.

He hated that you were always awake before him, but he knew you couldn't help insomnia that kept you up late in the evenings and woke you before dawn, just like your father. You’d normally already have your hair thrown up in a loose bun that sagged to the side of your head. That thick, deep-rooted, brown hair heavy as wool from the dominant Stark gene. Hair that Bucky loved running his fingers through as he took the bun down when you’d hand him his coffee. Tucking your body into his side for just a moment as he sat up in bed, lazily planting kisses on top of your head whilst mumbling loving words into your ear.

Maybe just the touch of a hand.

He could feel the coffee cup in his hands with the steam of the fresh brewed beans, coming up to meet his face. He could feel his fingers tangled within your hair, no particular reasoning for why his fingers landed up in your hair, he just liked how it warmed the palm of his hand. Like your hair gave off heat to protect his large, calloused human hand. In those moments, time was still. Bucky never thought that being in love with someone would make him feel more alive than his own healthy, blood-pumping heart did.

Oh me I fall in love with you every single day, and I just wanna tell you I am.

❖❖❖

So honey now, take me into your loving arms. Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars. Place your head on my beating heart.

“I thought you’d never come down those stairs, I was getting ready to drag you out from under the covers.” You teased Bucky quietly as he approached you. Bucky knew he was smiling like a drunken fool with his teeth showing as he grinned at the love of his life. Bending down, he strategically placed a kiss on the side of your cheek, just catching the corner of your lips.

I'm thinking out loud, maybe we found love right where we are?

“If you found me under the covers, would you of joined me?” You giggled and nodded, catching the back of his neck before he could pull his head away. His lips met yours and immediately he kissed back, making your lips feel numb as they pressed against Bucky’s, he always had a lingering taste of everlasting peppermint from his toothpaste that made your heart pound inside your ears. His lips felt larger than life in these stolen moments you’d get lucky enough to catch with him. Whether it be in the privacy of a darkened corner, or an abandoned conference room. You felt a tug in your heart every time they moved back and forth like a tug of war with yours.

When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades, and the crowds don't remember my name. When my hands don't play the strings the same way, mm.

Before this year, kissing Bucky would’ve been a crime that your father would gladly kill Bucky over. You knew about HYDRA’s meticulous planned attack on your grandparents. How they used Bucky as the scapegoat, making him the perfect target for your father to shooting at, seeking his revenge. I knew he never meant to tear the team in two, that he never meant to hurt anyone. Hidden within his body of armor were flaws, and his most dangerous flaw was being passionate about anything or anyone he cared about. But he cared to the point of destruction, clearing everything in his path to get to the things he wanted most. Forever, he wanted to know why and how his parents were killed. When he found out how, and he saw the culprit right in front of his eyes. Nothing would stop the man in his warpath to destroy the face HYDRA hid behind, during the murder of his parents.

I know you will still love me the same, 'cause honey your soul can never grow old, it's evergreen.

I didn’t like thinking about those months he’d been in cryo, they held the worst memories of lonely, cold nights. Terrifying me with dreams of his body coming back dead on that fateful day back in Siberia. I worked endlessly with T’Challa and his team of scientists on getting Bucky back home, all cleaned from his HYDRA days. My father came around in the end when I came home one night, flying twenty hours to New York after T’Challa said they were running out of options and ideas. Most importantly, resources. I never expected my dad to take me in his arms and hold me as I cried about my sorrows and gave him my apologies, to which he’d told me were unnecessary. In the end, like always, he helped everyone. Working endlessly with the team back in Wakanda trying to get the remedy right and when my Bucky came back, I had have felt more joy in my life. I thought I'd reached the peak of happiness when I saw his freshly shaved face and trimmed up hairdo. He looked as dashing as he was in the pictures Steve showed me of Bucky during the 40’s. Some of which, Steve allowed me to keep in my room.

Baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory,

It was weird, though because there was a change that seemed to happen as of late. The two talked even when they weren’t forced too. It was… strange, to say the least. Steve made sure that you didn’t say anything to either of them because of just fact that it was actually becoming civilized again within the Avenger’s tower, was a damn miracle.

I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways. Maybe it's all part of a plan?

My father opened the doors to the ballroom he reserved down in Manhattan for his party. It was gorgeous and was the place I always talked about as a kid when my father would send me off for ballet lessons so he could work on inventions. Although I could give two shits about ballet, the ballroom entranced me into going every Sunday and Tuesday afternoon. Just to stare up at the structures and paintings above my head, believing I was actually dancing with the angels and heavens above me.

But baby now, take me into your loving arms. I'll just keep on making the same mistakes, hoping that you'll understand.

Now here I am twenty-three years later, in the very same ballroom, slowly swaying with Bucky. He looked abnormally handsome to me since his rugged tee shirt and jeans style was all I’d ever seen him in. The man even had his hair all slicked back and new shiny dress shoes on! It wasn’t his style, and as inquisitive as you were, you had to ask him as you both swayed back and forth, wrapped in each other's arms while one of your favorite songs blared through the speakers. It was a song you always swayed too when making coffee and breakfast in the morning. Waking your tired eyes up and your brain reactivated.

While the song was beautiful in of itself, dancing with the most amazing man while it played in the background made this moment, this song, and this man more divine than Aphrodite, herself. It all left wondering, though. How could I have been so lucky? Bucky interrupted my internal questions with a whisper in my ear, “What’s going on in that beautiful brain of yours, love?”

But baby now, take me into your loving arms. Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars, place your head on my beating heart.

His human hand was wrapped in mine and the other lingered on my waist, holding me close. His grip felt almost as though he was trying to keep me from slipping away from him, but he knew from trial and error that nothing would allow me to slip through his fingers. “I’m just thinking back to all those days that we had together, and then the days we didn’t have together… I, um… I don’t know, really. I’m just...curious.” I took in a deep breath in and caught his scent; after shave, musk, and a small hint of vanilla from his shampoo. Which Bucky refused to admit was made for women’s hair to make it softer and lighter. He claimed it was asexual and as long as he kept using it, he could call it whatever he wanted.

I'm thinking out loud, that maybe we found love right where we are?

Buck’s head tilted down and he let go of my hand to place his under my chin, softly raising my face so my wondering eyes could meet his. “What’s curious?” He looked nervous as if he had done something wrong. He knew nothing he did was ever wrong, he always did things out of the goodness of his heart. Though some things we're dumb and could’ve gotten him killed, but they were done out of love.

“Curious about you, Buck. How, after all, this time, are you still happy with me? You’re so committed and you go to such great lengths to make sure that I know you’re alive during missions. Whether it’s a whisper in the telephone on your whereabout for twenty seconds, or a handwritten letter when you're gone for long periods of time… I-I mean… what did I do too-”

“You are you, YN. That’s why you deserve the world and more, in which I intend on trying to give to you as long as I live and breath,”

Oh… so baby now, take me into your loving arms.

His breath was shaky and his grip on my waist tightened. His eyes that were the sea of crashing, crystal-clear blue waves, churning and foggy when storms would arise. They gripped me more than his metal arm did, making me peacefully drown in his sea.

Slowly, he let go of my waist, and settled a soft hand on my hip, just barely touching my silver dress made of silk. I furrowed my brow when he then lowered out waltzing hands, taking his warmth away from my palm. Suddenly I felt like I'd done something wrong, but what could I have done in the last two hours? We danced, ate an excessive amount of sugar cookies and chocolate, and sat at a vacant table. Only discussing our plans on our vacation for my birthday in next month.

Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars.

I suddenly realized that the song may have kept going, but the dance floor had cleared. Everyone stood by, holding their dates close, or just smiling at Bucky and I as we halted to a small stop, right in the middle of the room. The paintings of Athena, Eros and Apollo watched us from above.

Oh darling, place your head on my beating heart.

“Bu-” He stopped me gently with a finger to my lips and with a shaky breath lowered himself onto one knee. I felt my breath caught in my lungs and my heart stopping its beat.

It was happening, right now. With all the people I loved dearly, watching Bucky and I. There was no turmoil or drama within the family of Avenging heroes I had gained in just a few short years. Love was the only thing in the ballroom. No emotion other than gleefulness was shown on anyone's face.

I'm thinking out loud,

“I know you don't like to draw a crowd, but, I had to have everyone here when I did this.” Bucky pulled out a small velvet box.

“I thought I had it all, 80 years ago, I thought I was the bravest, the best, I felt so sure of myself. But things don't always end the way people plan, even if they’re sure they'll have this certain, planned life. When I felt inhuman, and I felt unsure of myself, there was only one person in this world that gave me a glimpse of reality. That one person, unfortunately, didn't come into my life until two years ago. Y/N, you are my Sun in the morning, my stars at night, and my lightning during a storm. So would you, my sunshine, do me this honor?”

That maybe we found love right where we are?

Bucky opened it slowly, revealing a stunning diamond, seated in a rose gold setting and band. The diamond was simple, and nothing flashy. Bucky knew I didn't need flashy jewelry and chocolate covered strawberries to be satisfied. Simplicity was all I needed, within my world of superheroes, evil entities, and murderous robots.

I just want normality in my life, and Bucky gave it to me with every fiber of his being. Normality was hard to come by but he made sure I was protected, safe, and calm during any storms that blew through us, trying to knock us apart. Storms only made us stronger.

Oh, maybe we found love right where we are?

I sank down to Bucky's level, tears already falling down my warm pink cheeks. I cupped his face and gave a sputtering laugh and chuckle that made Bucky's face light up. He knew I didn't need to say yes. I just needed to give him my smile, and kiss him gently. Which was exactly what I did. He was all I needed in my life. He completed my heart's puzzle, and I knew that in his heart; I'd found a spot to situate myself in forevermore.

And we found love right where we are.

A/N: This was from my Valentine’s Day request box which you can see right here: Request A Valentine Imagine I hope you all have a lovely day! - R .x

The Ring! (sorry the pic is so big, yikes!)

Tagged: @boredoutofmymindstuff @iamimanim @hibaabdo@oneshots-imagines-and-that @neonwolf2020 @toc1985 @mculove1@chrisevans-imagines @ptprocrastination @evansscruff@jamesgiuseppe @boston-boy-evans @writingcreatingstorytelling@username-evie@imaginingbucky @boredoutofmymindstuff@shamvictoria11@ateliefloresdaprimavera @raveviolet @i-am-cass-1@tranquilsouls-riotousthoughts@myluvislikewow @nalatheshadequeen @not-your-cup-of-joe @musiccoffebook @nea90sweetie @jinxx-ed13 @j-jewel-l @ethereal-beaut-y @jemjemiansworld @hiddenavengers @itsteph13 @rachael-othman @abigrumple @jasli123 @jamesboobchananbarnes1234 @emmucz @happelu970 @amandulie @bisexualbuddhist @imaginesofdreams @teacoffeebooks @chrisevans-sexualfrustrations @stylesnbarnes @bsicthought @captainmqmeep @marrish-af @100acresofwood @missmotherhen @science-of-deduction-sh @sireanscall @crapythings @batmanbreeann @amyyleblanc1999 @coldeath @hhedegard @happelu970 @hollycornish @justanneforyou @ramiramblings @training-wolves @dracodormiensnunquamtitillandush @oneshots-imagines-and-that @coldplaylover17-blog @amandulie @whatmakesmebeme-tblr @giftofdreams

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