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#and like. that's SO emotionally valid! god! but also like. that's feelings and not a basis for politics???
widevibratobitch · 2 months
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aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.
#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol#anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly#but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size#acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years#and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating#(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive#when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time)#and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die.#and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well#and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom#and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao#like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is#anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus.#but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333#god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by#but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr#anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help.#but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation.#i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.
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aeide-thea · 11 months
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very much an off-the-cuff post so there may well be bugs, i'm still workshopping my thinking here, but—
i seem to see posts fairly regularly in which a member of some marginalized group A is objecting to attempts by less marginalized group B to make connections between discrimination against A and harm experienced by B (the main thing i have in mind here is when people attempt to align themselves with visibly-trans people by pointing out the ways that transphobic legislation also impacts gnc cis people, theatrical crossdressing, &c, but there are definitely also examples along other axes)—
and like. the main objection i've seen from A is 'why do they have to connect my experience to their experience in order to care about it? why can't they just agree that i shouldn't be discriminated against as a matter of, like, compassion for fellow humanity?'
and this reaction does honestly always just seem a little, idk, naive to me?? like, i don't know, it's gotten very popular ime to complain about normies' clumsy attempts to Understand Instead of Just Accepting [this feels potentially linked to like. the way many of us now prefer silently clicking 'like' to producing our own original, maybe clumsy, responses? but don't @ me on that point], probably because a lot of the time they aren't genuinely seeking to Understand but just to point out all the ways our queerness &c doesn't fit their received (unexaminedly conservative) understanding of the world, which feels to us (very reasonably!) like renewed pressure from the establishment to make ourselves fit that established framework, and so we resist… but at the same time, idk, maybe i'm just outing myself as lesser-than-thou here, but for every sort of person i was raised to distrust and have since arrived at genuine loving acceptance/appreciation of, it's involved first coming to understand their frame of reference at least a little? not to say that there isn't a place for shutting up and listening while you're still working to understand, because there definitely is! but i do kind of think this idea that's become popular in certain liberal circles of like, 'you don't have to understand my experience, you just have to respect it,' is fine and true for keeping peace with strangers, but really isn't a recipe for winning friends or influencing people—it's a recipe for keeping people at arm's length where they can't hit you. and then people turn around and want to apply that rule to coalition-building, and get all shocked-pikachu-face when others seek to identify more active points of connection.
...
another ~Radical Objection to Liberal Approaches~ i've seen, though often not specifically in this context (of discussing the way attempts to oppress A have knock-on effects for B), is like—'there's no point in deconstructing their logic because it's fundamentally illogical! insert that sartre quote abt anti-semites!' and like. no, there's absolutely no point in debating their logic with them. but fundamentally when people assert a logical resistance to bigoted positions they are not doing it to Own The Bigots, imo, or at any rate shouldn't be; they're (we're) doing it to reaffirm the basis of their/our own camp's position, namely, we see your knee-jerk fears and reject them; we substitute instead a patient allegiance to logic, that reasons its way into compassion.
that said, obviously there's a conversation to be had here about, like, platforming bad positions, and to what extent deconstructing them is implicitly platforming them! but. i do think that complaining that logic won't win over bigots is missing the very fundamental point that the logic isn't for the bigots: it's for us. we're talking to ourselves; we're affirming ourselves. and yeah, we need to understand that this sort of intra-party discussion doesn't, on its own, constitute sufficient activism! messages need to be communicated beyond the bounds of the party! but i do think i disagree that there's no place for it.
#anyway i'm just sticking this all under a cut bc it got very long and i didn't arrive at a nice tidy overarching conclusion#but i guess i just think like. i'm not convinced that resisting people's attempts to understand a struggle as linked with theirs#is ever going to be a strategy that makes any sense—#i just think it's coming from a place of woundedness that wants its pain to be Seen and Matter In Itself#and not get ignored until someone else is also impacted#and like. that's SO emotionally valid! god! but also like. that's feelings and not a basis for politics???#and the second point here—#which honestly could've been its own post; i was just thinking abt the two points together bc i saw a post that made them together—#really feels to me like. showing up at an internal org meeting and then complaining that it doesn't constitute effective public messaging#like yeah‚ people pass posts around on here that aren't gonna convince conservatives#but like. (a) how much convincing of conservatives do you really think is gonna happen on tumblr anyway?#and also (b) then make your own posts that *are* angled at convincing conservatives! or‚ you know‚ do something that isn't posting!#(in b4 'some of us have disabilities' yeah‚ me too! i emailed my representatives the other day! there's stuff you can do!)#but like. everybody just wants to critique other people's efforts (and obviously as per this very post i'm not immune!)#when it's like. most of what we're doing *isn't* activism—what it could be is the tentative social basis for a real coalition#on which activism could then be founded#but most of us would rather suspiciously snipingly in-fight than let these tentative social filaments thicken into binding ties!#anyway. a great example of a post by someone with adhd that will probably be prohibitively difficult for other ppl with adhd to read!
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jupitermoontarot24 · 2 months
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🤍What Make You Beautiful? 💋
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HI GUYS!!💗
Come Check Out Why You're Beautiful Inside and Out!
💋REST OF THE READING FREE ON MY PATREON💋
Pile 1 💕
Hello pile one welcome to your reading.
First things first I feel like What Makes You Beautiful is that you are very generous. Everyone who meets you can honestly say that you are a very generous person. I feel like you're also a gangster. Like you keep it real but you're nice and generous so it's a very good balance. I feel like a lot of people enjoy this part, enjoy this duality of you. I feel like they know that you have very strong boundaries and that you're not going to take certain things or situations. So when people are with you they're like I know nothing will go down pile one is not going for it, they have it covered. Like there's no disrespect around here for you. Also Because of this I feel like a lot of suitors or people that you're involved with romantically they see you as a perfect match. They even see themselves going through ups and downs with you so that's like arguing with you some people romanticize arguing with you, or you telling them off and them being like I'm sorry you're right because it's sexy seeing you be assertive. People see you as wifey / hubby. Like you’re the type of person you want to be your spouse. I feel like when people think of a spouse they think of somebody who has balance. who has Duality somebody who can stand up for themselves. because at the end of the day whether you're feminine or masculine if something happens to your partner and they can't be at 100% they want somebody who can pick up some of that whether it's emotionally mentally or whatever and that’s you. What Makes You Beautiful is people feel like you do have a conscience, a great conscience. So it's not like you just tell people off. You give people the benefit of the doubt and you give people chances especially if you love them but when it's time to cut the cord, you cut the cord. but it's all because of valid reasons. you can also be very nostalgic like you give 2000s Vibes you could give Lizzie McGuire vibes. You could have a bob. You can even give off Pi Syrian energy because I know Hillary duff is a Pisces LOL. Basically What Makes You Beautiful is that you are a beautiful heart soul mind body, face you are beautiful you give unapproachable nice hot girl. that girl that you see in the hallway that you might not say anything too because she’s mesmerizing. She's gorgeous and she's nice and anybody who's ever talked to her is like yes she's actually so nice she was so nice to me but she's just majestically beautiful. like when you walk through the hallway there is wind blowing through your hair and sunlight beaming directly on you and your skin is beautiful and you're wearing a beautiful outfit and your hair is luscious and beautiful and your smile is gorgeous like literally in a movie scene pile one.
The Carters-LOVEHAPPY
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Pile 2 🤩
Welcome!
Do you not know you're beautiful? LOL. Pile 2 I feel like you're very humble and you might just be focused on more worldly things like being stable or being committed to whatever it is that you are committed to. and because of that I feel like you have slept on your looks way too long. I am here to get on you lol spirit is calling me to get on you! stop sleeping on your looks pile two!! they want me to yell at you. you need to be using the pretty privilege that you have. higher power God whoever you believe in didn't make you that beautiful for you to not do anything with it. it's like if you were given a beautiful voice it would be to sing that's not something that should be hidden. your body, Your Vessel, your face was created specifically for you to pursue your dreams with. looks are not everything yes but you look a certain way for a specific reason so remember that!!  I feel like also because of this you might stay with people that are beneath you or people that's not in your league because you don't see how beautiful you are. that could be inside or out but I feel like because of that people can give you/have been giving you the bare minimum and you let it slide for a little bit longer than you should have. Yea people giving you things of physical material matter is cool but at the same time these people need to be stroking your ego too pile 2. you need your ego stroked, you need somebody who's going to tell you you're beautiful. That you're the most beautiful girl that they ever met, the most beautiful person they've ever met. inside and out!  That you can have anybody you want to and That you deserve the world because you do!. you should be surrounded by people who say stuff like that to you, stay away from ppl who try to humble you. Your partner should say stuff like that to you x100 fr because you can forget. People giving you money, feeding you, and taking you places is not enough, that is literally the basic needs of a humans. you need more emotional and mental stimulation from people, somebody who waters you spiritually too as well. it’s more in this world than just physical things I hope you realize that. so listen! Usually I’m not yelling in my readings lol but I feel like I have to be a little bit more aggressive with you pile two, you might be stubborn. this could be my fixed sign pile lol. My taurus and Aquarius ‘s heavy. I feel like you're like this because you've been through a lot of things. I don't think that you expect things from people. at this point I think you've had to be independent and build a name and your own stability on you own. because of this you don't really depend on people to give you things like mental stimulation or physical stimulation or money you don't expect things from those people. so when people do come in and do those things for you, you can feel like it’s enough but it's really not you should be getting much more. What Makes You Beautiful is that you are very self-sufficient. you are a one man woman show and you're okay with that. you don't blame anybody for your problems You Don't Stray away from your problems either you sit and Ponder on what you should do next and then you do it. you will never let anybody keep you down or be the reason why you didn't become the person who you wanted to become. you are amazing pile 2.I want to tell you that you are an inspiration to people you will have the type of story that is looked at as a testimony almost like Jesus Christ. I got that I channeled that but that type of energy where it's like you have a testimony of your life if you read the Bible not to get all religious because I'm not but if you read the Bible Jesus went through a lot of things like his life was not perfect At All by any means and that's what you give pile 2. So ask for more from people !! and if they don’t give you that drop them!!!  Please use that information wisely.
My love is that shh….-something for the people
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Pile 3 💗
What Makes You Beautiful pile 3 is you always know where it hurts. your hands could be certified they're golden. like your touch is very spiritual. you have healing hands so know that. you are so cute pile three I feel like your inner child is very beautiful very sweet. What Makes You Beautiful is that you're not afraid to feed your inner child and let them come out. What Makes You Beautiful is that you like to make memories, you're very adventurous and you and other people can find themselves in all different types of situations when they're with you. you're fun, you're funny and you have charisma. you're like people's favorite person to spend time with, people know that they will always have a good time with you. time could go really fast when people are with you because you're having so much fun. people will spend everyday with you if they could. this could be a specific person if that resonates. I want to say this person but ppl too want to have kids. What Makes You Beautiful is that people see you being a really good mother/father. people see you being a great partner, a great spouse, a great parent. What makes you beautiful is you are a great addition to anybody's team. Everybody wishes you were on their team. What Makes You Beautiful is that people feel like you're their soulmate. Your love feels Cosmic. feels spiritual, something that is not worldly or Earthly. something that a lot of people have never felt before. Your energy gives a roller coaster like it might seem intimidating when you get on it then you just laugh the whole time and it's thrilling and it's fun. and you get off and you tell everybody about it because it was so liberating. That's how you feel, that's how your energy is. You could have a purple I'm getting Orange maybe some blue aura. you're made of Stardust! You are so easy to love pile three!!  you might notice a lot of people fall in love with you easily that's why. I'm about to fall in love with you pile 3 LMAO myself You giving me the heart eyes xoxoxo
Cascade-Stokley
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Pile 4 ❤️‍🔥
Hi pile 4. I smiled as soon as I started thinking about your pile. You could smile when you talk Idk if you know that's a thing or people know what I'm talking about but some people show their teeth when they talk so it looks like they're always smiling you could do that. What Makes You Beautiful is that you're a very supportive and loyal person. People can depend on you and know that it's not because you want to gain from it but because you genuinely care to do it. You can move out of a certain chakra a lot. So this could be your heart chakra or your sacral chakra or another one. It's different for everyone. You might want to research and see what chakra you operate from and see if it's overactive as well. so you don't overuse it. you can have Virgo placements. You can fix everybody's problems if you want to pile four. You could have water and Earth placements that make you more susceptible to helping people and figuring out their problems. so focus on yourself going forward and not what other people need help with. You can be going through a breakup or a cheating scandal. That's for some people. If you did just get hurt by someone you are very beautiful, know that, it has nothing to do with who you are as a person or your looks or anything. certain things just don't work out because they're not meant to. That doesn't mean that you're a bad person or this person is a bad person but if spirit wanted y’all to happen it would happen. What Makes You Beautiful is that you are a lovely person and you would be a really good parent. you are a really good girlfriend, boyfriend, sister, friend, daughter so you name it!. make sure you are loyal to yourself as well. What Makes You Beautiful is that you are creative. You can create new looks through your wardrobe and new styles for your hair. I feel like your house would be really creative and Chic and minimalistic at the same time. you have a specific aesthetic that nobody can recreate. you give very ethereal fairy energy. you could look really good in blue. you also look cute with your glasses if you have them. you look cute in dresses, anything that is dainty you look very attractive in. What Makes You Beautiful is that you never ask for help. you are able to separate yourself and dedicate yourself to other people. you have a true Pure Heart pile 4. You are an Earth angel. I just hope that you give that much love to yourself at the end of the day. You are the type to hide a body with somebody and never bring it up again and not judge them for it also.
TheCarters-FRIENDS
continued....
CHECKOUT MY PATREON EXCLUSIVE TOO JUST DROPPED!!
YOUR CELEBRITY LIFE!!!!! ROMANCE AND FANS INVLOVED
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SEE YOU THERE!!! XOXOXOXOXO
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distort-opia · 5 months
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Bruce is emotionally a masochist and sexually a sadist comfirmed 🤑😨😱????? Or both, hes batman he can do anything (except therapy)
Lol. You could put it that way, though I think it's a lot more complicated, and at the end of the day, ambiguous. There's multiple ways to interpret this side of Bruce, but while I agree that sadism is easy to see in his actions, masochism is more complicated. Thing is, if Bruce liked pain (emotional or otherwise)... he would probably avoid it.
To Bruce it isn't about what makes him happy, or feel good. The things he puts himself through, the pain he seeks out, are a form of self-punishment (a major function of being Batman in and of itself). The reasons are easily apparent: survivor's guilt, being helpless and unable to save his parents from being killed, thinking of himself as never enough and his body as an instrument only. As Batman, Bruce doesn't even register pain as a limitation or an obstacle, so a lot of the time it isn't that he looks for it... it's just that he doesn't care if it hurts, as long as he achieves his goals. After all, why would it matter that he's hurting, when he doesn't matter as much as the Mission? His Vow, saving others and forever compensating for a loss he couldn't stop, is more important than his own wellbeing and comfort, both on a physical and emotional level.
Put simply, pain is something he feels he deserves for failing. And in so many ways, pain is what fuels Batman; to quote King, he's an "engine that turns pain into hope". But the issue is that, to maintain the status quo, he cannot be anything else, and the engine needs feeding. It needs fresh pain, which is what Bruce keeps providing.
However, it's really hard to draw the line. If you do something like this for so long, if you make doling out pain and suffering pain an integral part of your life and identity, if it's so familiar it becomes a comfort... is that enjoyment? Is that emotional masochism? I just remembered I had a similar discussion before (link here), with some people making very valid and interesting points-- both about Bruce being masochistic, and not. And recently, @psalmsofpsychosis posted a fascinating meta and then web weave about Bruce's relationship to pain (and Joker, who tortures him the most) that got me thinking and rethinking these aspects again (link here). She pointed out that emotionally, Bruce might equate love to pain because the moment he felt the most love was also the moment he was destroyed by grief; when he lost his parents, the people he loved most. God, do check out the post because it does drive me crazy. "Whenever he experiences pain he feels capable of love." @psalmsofpsychosis I'm outside your house, come out, I just wanna talk--
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graceshouldwrite · 11 months
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How to Write Devastating Betrayals (Pt. 1)
Here are some elements + tips on satisfying betrayals that will destroy both your characters AND your readers!
1. Relationship Between Trust and Betrayal 
The #1 Betrayal Rule:
MORE TRUST = WORSE BETRAYAL
This is because TRUST implies 2 main things:
The traitor has probably PROVEN their trustworthiness, and now has a shared history + bond with the character they’re betraying 
The traitor probably has access to a LOT OF INFORMATION about the character, whether it’s career-wise or personal. Probably at least some information the character considers STRICTLY confidential 
An act of betrayal undermines Point 1 by manipulating Point 2 to their advantage.
So, if you want your betrayal to DESTROY, have the traitor be CLOSE with the character they’re about to betray. Lets compare examples: 
you are a gang boss. You hire a new recruit who doesn’t really know anything except one insignificant operation, like “today we buy groceries at 2PM”
your recruit tells the rival gang about the grocery trip   
→ betrayal doesn’t really matter that much
you probably didn’t place much trust in a new recruit 
the implications of information leak are insignificant 
→ not much plot weight 
On the other hand:
you find out that the entire time, your RIGHT HAND MAN (also your childhood friend!) has been feeding information to the rival gang and sabotaging your operations 
→ HURTS a lot more emotionally
might ruin everything you’ve built, career-wise, for good 
→ LOTS of plot weight
From a completely SECULAR PLOT STANDPOINT (please don’t come for me, theologians), Judas’ betrayal of Jesus is a good example because:
Judas was one of Jesus’ disciples, a.k.a. the people considered closest to him, and who followed Jesus throughout all of his preaching years
Judas’ information about Jesus’ identity and whereabouts led to Jesus’ crucifixion → LOTS of plot weight (the entire Bible from a Christian standpoint foreshadows this moment, and every point after is spreading word of this moment. Talk about plot implications!)  
ONCE AGAIN, I know all the “Jesus knew and allowed it to happen” “it was the will of God” stuff but this is purely used as a good plot example!!!!
2. Reason for Betrayal
“’Cause it’s super edgy/evil/cool” is DEFINITELY not a valid option. 
All the plot points in a book build towards achieving a goal, and all the characters do things they think will get them closer to what they want. Likewise, the traitor must want a specific thing that ONLY betrayal can get them, or that betrayal can get them more efficiently. 
People generally portray typical traitors as: 
completely selfish with no personality trait aside from infinite ambition and ruthless pragmatism
a hero whose had enough
someone who sees the person they betrayed as a “worthless disposable” or something 
Traitors don’t have to be morally bankrupt, even though betrayal is typically seen as something inherently bad, or just a bad means to a good end at best. 
They can be conflicted about the betrayal (like Macbeth delaying his murder of King Duncan), remorseful about it (like Discord from MLP feeling super guilty after he hands the main protagonists over to the villain), or even do it for the “greater good.”
e.g. Brutus thought Caesar was becoming too power hungry, and would destroy the republic by becoming a dictator, so Brutus betrayed him to preserve the republic 
→ example of a betrayal that was NOT self-serving
However, building on the MLP Discord example, a traitor can also have been manipulated into it themselves. 
(For context, the villain basically promised Discord lots of power if he handed over the protagonists, but then the villain also sucked away Discord’s powers afterwards—won’t bother explaining MLP magic mechanics LOL) 
3. Foreshadow It 
A satisfying betrayal is usually a subtle, looming shadow that creeps over your plot before it makes its grand entrance during the scene when the character realizes the traitor sold them out. 
A good example is in Shakespeare’s dramatization of Brutus’ betrayal: 
Brutus’ loyalty to the REPUBLIC is made super clear throughout. When Caesar starts deviating, seeming more dictatorial, Brutus remains firm.
Their values are CLEARLY conflicting, so SOMETHING has to be done. Either:
they reconcile by both agreeing on either dictatorship or democracy
they turn on each other...and that’s what happens
Basically, planting the possibility in your reader’s mind is a great way to foreshadow a betrayal. 
Other ideas could be: 
traitor begins suddenly acting a lot warmer to the unsuspecting character, or even colder right BEFORE the betrayal
traitor is always TOO obedient and/or sycophantic 
traitor acts suspicious, e.g. caught in lies, using inconsistent body language (ex. pretending to cry when talking about something really bad), caught talking to people they shouldn’t be talking to (e.g. rival gang)
∘₊✧────── ☾☼☽ ──────✧₊∘
instagram: @ grace_should_write
stay tuned for part 2!
Hope this was helpful, and let me know if you have any questions by commenting, re-blogging, or DMing me on IG. Any and all engagement is appreciated <3333
Happy writing, and have a great day!
- grace <3
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luciddownloading · 2 months
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Traits Of People With Psychic Abilities 🔮
The hardest thing about having psychic gifts is that no one teaches you about them or makes you aware that you have them. For most people, it is not until a medium, energy/chart/card reader or even your Guides tell you that you have psychic gifts that you realize you do. Otherwise, these things are just overwhelming, intense or confusing parts of your reality that are normal to you and you probably think everyone else experiences it too until you realize otherwise.
So, I am going to discuss the four primary "clairs" - claircognizance, clairaudience, clairsentience and clairvoyance - and the indicators you might have them. Full disclosure: I have all four. So, these are things that I experience, too, and that I had to realize were psychic abilities.
If you exhibit most or even all of the listed traits of the ability, you probably have it and should look into honing/mastering it
CLAIRCOGNIZANCE (Psychic Knowing)
🔮 Whenever you're right, other people just know it and it hits them hard. If you make a valid point in an argument, the other person will either totally shut up or become wildly defensive or irrational trying to prove their point
🔮 Claircognizant people also regularly have others reject their advice or insights only to later on admit they were right all along
🔮 You get ideas and solutions that seem to come out of nowhere (real "light bulb" moments) that strongly energize or invigorate you. These are also known as "downloads"
🔮 You're a very accurate judge of character and have frequently pinpointed toxic, untrustworthy or insincere people before they were exposed (you can just SENSE fakeness from a mile off and really, really dislike it)
🔮 Extremely independent minded. You have an intense dislike of people telling you how to think and insist on trusting your own judgment
🔮 Claircognizant people give exceptionally good advice. It's always insightfully, exactly tailored to the other person and what they need to hear, to a degree that often amazes others. However, it feels almost impossible for them to find someone who can give them the same kind of guidance
🔮 You might constantly feel abandoned or neglected by God or your Spirit Guides. But, this is because they divinely trust you to find the answers and direction you need within, which you typically do. You are your own guide, in many ways
🔮Remarkably intelligent. Can process information very quickly and on multiple levels (literally, metaphorically, logically, emotionally). You can make connections that other people do not
🔮You are extremely receptive to signs from the Universe or your Guides, especially if they're repetitive. You easily "get the message", whether you like it or not
🔮 Claircognizance can actually be the hardest psychic ability to detect because a lot of it just feels like regular intelligence or good observation. In a lot of ways, it's the most "practical" psychic ability
CLAIRAUDIENCE (Psychic Hearing)
🔮 Clairaudient people often have insanely sharp hearing in a literal sense. It is one of their strongest senses, possibly the strongest. They can clearly hear conversations from very far away and are highly sensitive to loud or sudden noises
🔮 You "talk to yourself" a lot but in a productive way. It's like an actual conversation where you emerge with a new viewpoint than before. You also might not realize that, at times, you are actually talking to your Guides and are just hearing them in your voice
🔮Deep, deep love of music. It may be extremely easy for you to enter a trace-like or meditative state while listening to music
🔮 You could also frequently receive major signs and synchronicities through songs
🔮 Similar to those with claircognizance, clairaudient people seem to give the best advice and always know just what to say. This is largely because their words hold a LOT of power. A simple statement from them, whether positive or negative, can affect someone very deeply
🔮 You have always found it very easy to talk to God or other spiritual beings/presences. You might even hear their voice but this feels natural and not strange at all
🔮It sometimes feels like people don't hear what you just said, even though they obviously did. Certain things you say get ignored or repeated by someone else as if they came up with it. Your words are so powerful that they can make others shut down or latch on to them
🔮When you speak your mind in a group or public setting, you are met with more relief than opposition, with others remarking that you said what they were thinking but couldn't say. You might often even say the exact thing that someone is thinking at the moment it crosses their mind
🔮 You have unintentionally formed telepathic bonds with certain people in your life and/or have had telepathic conversations with people that led to physical communication, like wanting them to call you and they actually do, right after, or vice versa
CLAIRVOYANCE (Psychic Seeing)
🔮 You have VERY vivid dreams that are often very strange/nonlinear and you place a lot of importance on interpreting or understanding them. You may keep a dream journal or make journal entries about them
🔮 Prophetic or psychic dreams. You have had multiple instances of dreams that predicted future events or told you what was going on currently with someone else that you wouldn't have known otherwise, including how they may be feeling toward you
🔮 You have always had an absolutely wild imagination, which may have been very overwhelming as a kid. Being a huge daydreamer (to the point where it could be maladaptive) as well as a highly creative person is often an indicator of clairvoyance
🔮 You've seen spirits before. You might have had a memorable instance of seeing a deceased loved one, even if you never met them in this life
🔮 Clairvoyants usually have very striking/piercing eyes. Like clairaudience, it's an ability that can also show up in a literal way. You may constantly hear that your gaze makes people nervous because it's like you can "see right through them"
🔮 You could have the ability to see auras but this often takes some developing. Same with seeing spirits.
In general, clairvoyance is the most unusual and unsettling psychic gift, imo. Seeing things like that can be scary! So, clairvoyants often learn to suppress a great deal of their gift early in life to feel safe (to the point where they may feel like they don't even have it). For this reason, for many people, it manifests most obviously through dreams until they work at it
🔮 Highly visual. You can very clearly picture situations and events in your mind, like a mini-movie playing in your head, and get lost in it. And no, everyone can't do that
🔮 You might have had very intense nightmares as a kid as well as a major fear of the dark. That could still carry on into adulthood (no judgment!) If you've ever dreamed of some weird, terrifying, otherworldly being you couldn't explain, you were probably being visited by them in your sleep
🔮 Clairvoyants tend to have an incredibly deep love of either movies and television or visual art
🔮 A very natural or totally self-taught aptitude for astrology or Tarot (especially the latter). An exceptional ability to just look at a birth chart or the cards and gain an abundance of information about a person or situation
🔮 You see various faces and images whenever you're meditating. Again, this could be communication from the other side. You actually might struggle to meditate at times because too many distracting "pictures" pop up in your mind
CLAIRSENTIENCE (Psychic Feeling)
🔮 Emotionally intense and highly sensitive. It's not enough to just be an empath. Clairsentient people have VERY powerful emotions of their own, to the point where it can be scary, and that only makes it easier to very deeply feel others' emotions
🔮Also, clairsentient people are very easily projected on. You are an emotional mirror. People can either take their negative states and insecurities out on you or they can feel wonderfully healed and hopeful and joyous just from your presence
🔮 From a young age, you have always been very emotionally intelligent and wise beyond your years. One key reason why is that you actually allow yourself to FEEL whatever you're feeling. You don't bury or run from your emotions
🔮 You can feel other people coming or sense their energy, even when you can't see or hear them. You would feel the difference between being alone in a house and someone quietly being in the other room
🔮 You might frequently feel like you're not alone or are being watched. You're not crazy! You feel spirits whenever they're around, especially your Guides
🔮 Extremely intuitive. You just know when something feels right or wrong and generally find it very easy to listen to and trust your gut
🔮 Regularly feeling sad or angry or tired without knowing why or having a reason. During these times, you're most likely picking up on the emotions of others you have a bond with, whether they're in your vicinity or far away, and confusing them with your own
🔮Clairsentient individuals seem to always know when someone is faking it, when they say "they're fine" and convince everyone but you. This is even truer of those you're close to or have known a long time
🔮 You have or once struggled with intense anxiety regarding big crowds or overwhelming social events. Even if you're outgoing, in a social setting you have a way of keeping to yourself and protecting your energy. Also, you definitely need time alone to recharge
🔮 People demand a lot of you emotionally. Strangers can spill their deepest secrets to you and friends may constantly seek your comfort or support. Your energy is very healing and you have to protect it or it will be taken advantage of (even if it's sometimes not done out of malice)
🔮 Children and animals feel really safe around you or strongly gravitate towards you. It might be a funny pattern in your life that fussy babies are very calmed by your touch or defensive/aggressive pets become friendly or docile with you
🔮 People with clairsentience tend to be great performers because their displays of emotion have an unusually strong effect on others. Again, you mirror others' feelings back to them and bring their emotions to the surface
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amuseoffyre · 6 months
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I got thinking that the most honest and raw details about Ed and Stede's past are revealed in Stede's fever-dream and Badminton hallucination and Ed's coma, when they're confronted by their own subconsciousnesseseses (too many esesesss didn't know when to stop).
I had a pick over some of Ed's dialogue from the Gravy Basket the other day, which was barely even scraping the surface, including his expectation of violence when he's vulnerable, anticipation of hurt/cruelty in a domestic sphere and from a caretaker, desperate need for validation and approval and more.
While rewatching episode 1-4 today, it hit me how much Stede's demonstrate his belief that:
he was and remains nothing more than a disappointment to everyone around him, fit for scorn and derision (covering the parent, spouse and child for his fever dream)
no one would care if he was hurt ("Yeah, congrats")
he was insufficient ("you are such a disappointment")
he was a coward/weak ("He was scared of geese, for god's sake," say the man who shows up holding the goose he forced his son to watch him kill)
his choices, thoughts and fears would be laughed at (All of the above + Nigel)
no one cares about his physical well-being (Standing over him, taunting and laughing while he's in pain)
he was a terrible father by choosing to leave ("They'll never see papa again")
his children would hate him and wouldn't care if he was dead ("scoundrels spare no one")
Messy, emotionally-repressive autistic lad hasn't had anywhere to let out his distress for a long time, because he's never felt safe to do it. Mary says she knew he was unhappy and thought she heard him crying alone and, in a flat monotone, he denied it and said the crying was the wind.
He was conditioned to believe anything he said would be shot down. He wasn't allowed to express opinions and thoughts and his father made damn sure if he did have any, they were scoffed at and ridiculed, whether it was Stede's belief he was fortunate to have comfort and wealth or derision about his belief that he could marry for love. Mary's anger at his ship plan comes in there too, even if her reaction is warranted - he still sees a rejection of him, his ideas and the things he cares about.
It says it all that the only time he really does lose his temper in S1 (not including the meltdowns over things not going to plan) is when Jack is deliberately smashing all his buttons, treating him like his peers and dad used to and then, to rub it in extra hard, pissing on his shoes.
Stede tried to do what he normally did in stressful situations: he was going to go back to the ship so no one would see anything, because Conceal Don't Feel is that man's watchword. He bottles so finely he has an entire wine cellar of Trauma.
Ed catches him before he can leave and Stede's all out of control of his emotions and lets opinions fly and next thing he knows, Karl is dead, the crew are upset and Ed is leaving with Jack. So he learns Do Not Show The Emotions Again and boy, how that spectacularly backfires.
And on that note, watching S2, ohhhhhh there's an eruption coming at some point. He has been pushing it all down, shaking the bottles and stacking them. We've had his flashbacks again. We've had him kill for the first time. We've had him almost lose the love of his life multiple times. He's not dealt with any of that and a storm is a-coming now there's nothing to distract him from it.
Also, in case there's any doubts that his trauma isn't lurking to sneak back up and bite him, look at the man he chose to spend time with after Ed left him when he did something regarded as "man's work": an older man in a bloody leather apron just like his father in the flashbacks.
"You like me for me," he says to that guy, the one who has been reassuring him and validating him and telling him how good and worthwhile he is all day.
Stede "Daddy Issues and Then Some" Bonnet.
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whaleofatjme1920 · 1 year
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What would the sallyface gang think of a plus sized s/o (like me :> ) I wanna see some rep and fluffy stuffs
The Gang with a Plus Sized SO
[GN!Reader]
[Warnings: Like, none?]
[AN: Sure thing love bug. I also ended up only doing the main three! <3]
Sal Fisher
He's quite the supporter! I feel like Sal is much more emotionally aware of other people's wants and needs because of his own face, so he's very in tune with you.
He loves you so, so much. Supports you whenever things get rough, emotionally speaking. You're allowed to be upset but he won't allow you to speak down about yourself.
Gods he loves to cuddle with you. Wants to hold you in his arms and caress every part of you. Especially likes it when you spoon and he's the big spoon. You can also lay your head on his stomach and he m e l t s.
Kisses everywhere! Every inch of you is so loved and adored by him. I can see you becoming his muse - always has to take photos of you, make art of you.
Larry Johnson
he's such a thigh guy. Look me in my multiple eyes and try to tell me otherwise. Just try. You can't do it, can you? He's ALWAYS going to be holding your thighs.
Will absolutely destroy someone for even thinking to bad mouth you. Won't allow it. You're a deity in his head. Larry doesn't tolerate disrespect period point blank.
Just a bit of a pervert. Won't elaborate, just know he's really, really into you.
Of course, that's not to say he doesn't love your personality but yeah, Larry prefers an SO like you. I think he likes it when you two snuggle when it's cold, or when he wraps his arms around, just the feeling of holding you grounds him.
Ash Campbell
I think she's crazy over how soft you are. Thinks you're adorable, sexy and beautiful all in one, and can't get enough of you.
She's also a thigh gal and tends to settle between your legs. Loves how strong you are, how warm, the plush feeing as she rests between them.
She's really big on covering you with her lipstick! Everywhere!! Your neck, your chest, arms, your stomach, your legs, you need to be covered in her lipstick kisses. She's got the most adoring eyes when she does so.
No insecure SO. She loves you SO SO MUCH, validates you, thinks you are the ultimate vision of beauty and your body, who you are, that's exactly why. No part of you ever needs to change unless you want to. She adores you.
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jams-sims · 2 months
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There some deep analyses to be made about Tallulah and Chayanne and their brand of isolation. Like fundamentally, they don't feel like they have that deep connection with other eggs.
But putting that aside, the sunny situation. Again Sunny feeling are valid, although we all know Philza held no ill will towards her. He is always unconsciously hurting her. But I also understand where Philza coming from. Sunny has the aid of Bad (use too) and a collection of other people. He prioritize his eggs, plus I think it falls under his relationships with Tubbo. Where they refuse to be serious with one another.
But again this follows the same beat for beat problem Tallulah had with Philza. Tallulah felt unwanted, Tallulah felt like Chayanne was getting most of Philza attention, Tallulah felt like a burden. She began pulling away and it all came to a head. An in that moment, Philza had to say sorry for making her feel that way. Because even though he had no ill intentions, he still hurt her, but she had to tell him.
He is simply not aware of it and theirs an argument to be made that he should be and he should do better. But that's a deeper conversation that this little rambles not tackling.
I think it also ties into how independent philza views some of the eggs. Dapper for example, Philza is very much the cool uncle that waaay to detached that it borders on neglectful.
He tells Pepito that he is strong for always taking being forgotten in stride. When we all know Pepito is struggling emotionally. An god only knows what'll happen when Jaiden comes back. Philza aware that Pepito doesn't have anyone but is unaware of the emotional front that would take, he just thinks the kids don't want to dumbass adult getting in their way.
Richas is another prime example, that boy is sooo independent. Philza could not handle that, same with dapper. Philza believes Dapper is so strong and doesn't need an adult, but wanna know who disagrees with Philza? Bad, Dappers father, dapper is in bad eyes his Baby boy.
Philza does not think this way about his own kids. He is still struggling with the fact Tallulah indepence and change from music girlie to crack skull open girlie.
He still thinks she's a Bard when she is a warrior class now. Chayanne is more of a cleric buffer and healer. I won't be surprised if one day Chayanne said he no longer wanted to fight. (sorry got off track.)
I say all this to say, is that there is a method to the madness as in why things are like this. An it just so fascinating to break down.
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txttletale · 10 months
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I really agree w/ all your Hades opinions! I played that one first and then went back to all the other SG games, and was surprised at how much better the storytelling was in Transistor and Pyre. Hades is really fun and clearly high quality, but its world and characters feel so much shallower compared to its predecessors, and I really despise Hades himself, so the "reconciliation" stuff falls flat for me. Since you like Pyre, I wondered if you would maybe want to talk about your general feelings on it a little bit--what you like about it, what you don't? It's the least popular of SG's portfolio, which is so sad to me because I think it's the weirdest and most interesting one of the bunch, both story-wise and gameplay-wise (even though my personal fave is Transistor, which is still excellent, I think Pyre does more things I admire).
pyre is one of my favourite games of all time so i would love to talk about it! i mean. where to begin. i love its world. i love the very clever decision to make all the proper nouns and fantasy stuff hoverable hyperlinks so that you, the player, can be filled in on important background information about the world without the need for stilted expository dialogue:
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i love the world of pyre. it's genuinely beautiful, it's my favourite of any of supergiant's worlds: the downside looks genuinely unique, it looks at once forbidding and electrically pretty.
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like god damn. but what i love most about pyre is the story and characters, and how they're both not just communicated to you through the traditional methods this game employs (dialogue, flavour text) but in a way that's woven into the gameplay.
like, pyre isn't a game about fighting, it's a game about sports. it's a very high-stakes sport, but it's a sport -- for those who haven't played it, the plot of pyre is that you and your band of wacky misfits have been banished to a secret underground world. from time to time, the stars align and one person can escape this exile by winning a game of fantasy baskebtall -- and because it's a sport, the game's happy to let you lose. you can lose and that can just be part of the story. on two different occasions, i chose to throw plot-critical matches in pyre--once because an NPC on my team asked me to and once because i felt like the other guys deserved to win more than the protagonists did. and the game treats that as a valid choice, a valid thing to happen in the story! it lets the game explore opportunities and feelings and situations that a more traditional game where the player 'has' to win in the 'canonical' ending isn't capable of and it does it really well
and similarly there's something very very clever done with the character writing. getting to know characters better -- finding out why they were exiled, what's at home that they want to return to, why they want to get back to the surface -- is the same process as improving that character's stats and skills in the basketball games. the result of this is that the characters you know best, the ones you're most emotionally invested in getting to escape exile, are also the ones who you've been relying on to win your basketball games! it's by far the best iteration of the 'switch up your playstyle or else' mechanic that supergiant obsessively puts in their games because it ties directly into the emotional stakes of the story and can make it a genuinely difficult choice to liberate someone who's an essential part of your team but you've just learned has a desperate need to escape before something terrible happens to their loved ones outside.
also its got the best romance route of any supergiant game. i dont give a shit about meg or thanatos when i've got sandra the unseeing
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<3
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peachesofteal · 7 months
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darling is so sensitive, they were both together before her and she expects them not to have a moment together without her? god, they've been connected for a long time, and she should respect that.
There is validity here. She is sensitive, sometimes detrimentally so. There are also no rules about sex requiring the three of them, and yes, the guys have been together for a while, I don’t think expectation is there but you are completely free to interpret it as you want (that’s the great thing about reading!) I will say, however, her reaction is not one of disrespect, and I think that’s important to note.
There’s a piece of darling who agrees with you as well. She feels guilt for letting her emotions get out of control and ruin their moment. She feels bad, for not having a rational reaction: “Guilt roars inside your head. You ruined it. Ruined their fun. Ruined the moment.”
“You shove it down. You’re being ridiculous. You’re reading too much into things, like always.”
But the guys know this. They know, immediately, that she’s losing the battle of her emotions. They don’t care, they love her. They don’t mind that her feelings can be unreasonable, or that she can become heavily governed by them very quickly. They relish an opportunity to make her feel loved and cherished, so they’re never going to complain when she needs affection or attention. I’ve talked about it a bit before but darling being so sensitive, so emotionally dependent is not a bad thing in this story. It’s something that first drew the guys to darling and something that they love.
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elvensorceress · 4 months
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fuck it friday 😘
Hello lovelies, I know it's been a while and a lot of you have tagged me in fun things so I want to return the favor and I'm hoping to be around more now. I've also been trying really hard to finish up Unless. So, here. Have a snippet 😄
tags for my beloveds if you want to share something 💕 @eddiebabygirldiaz @hippolotamus @spotsandsocks @shortsighted-owl @bigassdiaz @monsterrae1 @suavecitodiaz @hoodie-buck @eddiescowboy @wikiangela @daffi-990 @mandzuking17 @favouritealias @ellelans @blorbodiaz @loserdiaz @gayedmundodiaz @giddyupbuck @spaceprincessem @eddiediaaz @wildlife4life @fiona-fififi @disasterbuckdiaz @911onabc @ronordmann @bekkachaos @chaosandwolves @shitouttabuck @theotherbuckley @wh0re-behavi0r @housewifebuck @the-likesofus @babytrapperdiaz @thespermdonorstorylineisstupid @texasbama @tulipfromtheinternet @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming @messyhairdiaz @buddierights @astronaut-karenwilson @transboybuckley @sibylsleaves @megsvstheworld @gothambat-nephilim-07 I'm sure I've missed someone 🫣 I'm so sorry if I did! I love you all tons! And now some fun Unless finale... ❤️‍🔥
The whimper is louder and whinier this time. “I need you, too. I— Do you really— do you really want to have sex with me? Like, that’s actually a thing we could do? You’d be happy and okay to do that? Because Eddie. Eddie, I want you. God, I want you. But— but only if you really, seriously want that with me. Do you want— do you honestly literally seriously really really want to have sex with me?”
Eddie huffs a laugh. But considering— everything, it’s valid. Maybe it is that shocking and strange. The idea that Eddie could actually want sex. But it doesn’t feel wrong here. It’s not wrong here. They aren’t avoiding anything or trying desperately to fix something after it’s been shattered beyond repair. Buck isn’t pressuring him or demanding or even asking. It wouldn’t be out of an expectation or perceived requirement. It’s not for any reason but because they want to. Because they’re in love. And Eddie wants everything they could be to each other. 
He wants sex to be a good thing. Or at least a pleasant thing that doesn’t make him stupidly panic. He wants the intimacy of it, the affection and connection. Where they ignite heat and share pleasure because there’s something special and massive and sacred held between them. Letting his guard down, losing control, being that close to someone emotionally and physically, it’s okay if it’s with Buck. They’re already bonded and tethered and promised to each other. 
“Yes,” Eddie says softly, sweetly but firmly as he rubs Buck’s chest and runs his thumb along the hollow of Buck’s throat. “I want to be with you. I want to have that with you. I want you to—” He can do it. He can say it. He wants so badly. He lightly brushes a kiss over Buck’s lips and it might be Eddie’s new favorite way to kiss him because it inevitably makes Buck surge forward and respond by kissing him more. Before he can do that, Eddie follows the hint of a kiss with, “I want to make love with you.” 
Buck makes another wrecked sound and kisses him again, hard and deep, something pervasive, all-encompassing that Eddie could immerse himself in forever. Especially since Buck thrusts forward and it rubs a very noticeably hard cock right against Eddie’s own, not exactly soft one. Fast, crushing, electric heat jolts through his body. And Eddie jerks and arches further into him, tightening his hold on him, and moaning suddenly as he grinds himself on Buck. 
Buck is hard again. Not that Eddie is surprised. Of course Buck is ready and eager even after his solo session in the shower. But God, Eddie can feel him.
Eddie’s allowed to feel him. He can acknowledge that he feels Buck hard against him. He’s allowed to feel the same.
It leaves him aching and burning and simmering but held on the surface instead of submerged in the warmth. He needs this warmth. He needs Buck’s radiant daylight. Eddie’s been etiolated and grown in the dark for too long. He needs oceans of water and whole summers of sun because Buck is both. Buck is everything. 
A strangled, sobbing noise comes from the crook of Eddie’s neck and shoulder. Buck grips him harder and pleads, “Eddie, Eddie, Eddie,” as quietly as he can while twitching and tensing like he’s trying to hold back but doesn’t actually want to. 
Eddie squirms and grips him, and swears there’s pulsing and throbbing from the hot bulge pressing between his legs where he’s spread his thighs and needed to hold Buck close. 
Is this what it’s like? Is this what wanting and enjoying is like? Because he’s not sure he’ll survive it if that’s true. Buck is so hard and so obviously big and having him intimately pressed against Eddie is so, so good. It’s so good. Why is it so good? How is it so good? Eddie can’t comprehend, can’t think anymore. It’s only aching heat pooling and flooding through his body. He could be swept away and drowned and he still wants it. He wants all of Buck. He wants to let go and give Buck every part of himself. Eddie doesn’t even know how it’s possible at this point just that it is. Just that he loves and trusts, and he wants more and more even if it’s reckless and he knows proof of how much Buck wants and needs, too. 
And fuck, Eddie wants to make him come. What if he could feel Buck come? What if he could make Buck feel that good? It would be good like that. To give because it’s not a demand or a responsibility or false proof. To give because Eddie wants to. 
Would Buck moan and tremble and turn all flushed and sweaty and sticky and wet? Would he beg and turn Eddie’s name to litanies of devout affection? Could Eddie love him that way? He wants to love him that way. Every way. 
He wants to feel love like this. He wants this to be about love. 
It still sounds so flimsy and childish. To think of love as the thing that might change the experience. How could it be real and not made-up, fairy tale bullshit? But like Frank told him. Love isn’t just ~love.~ It’s their whole partnership, their history together, how they turn to each other with the worst things, how they take care of each other, look out for each other, how they laugh and cry together, how they think the world of each other, how being together brings them both stability, balance, joy, happiness. 
Maybe sex has always meant love to Eddie. Unrestricted, unlimited, unconditional, unequivocal. Where there’s no question or reservation any longer. He doesn’t need to crush his feelings and shut them down. They can live securely, freely, safely between the two of them. 
Eddie leans back but presses his lower half forward, so the way he’s growing hard and hungry is right against where Buck is also hard. He makes a fist in Buck’s hair and grips around his shoulders so he’s kept close. 
Buck falls into him, clutches Eddie’s back and around his waist, follows like he always would even if Eddie were trapped in the depths of hell. Buck’s eyes are dark, dark deep blue and hazy, full of adoration and longing. 
Eddie squeezes the fistful of golden brown hair, not to hurt or even tug, but just because he needs. Just so he can possess this love, this desire, these feelings, this everything. His precious beloved partner. “Can you feel how much I want you,” Eddie whispers and their lips drag over each other, hot, wet, and sticky. “I want you so badly. I’ve never wanted anything but you.”
Buck sounds like he might sob and fall to pieces. But Eddie can hold him together. He tips Buck’s mouth up toward his and kisses him hard and deep, all love and desperation, stoking every fire he’s never been able to touch. But he can feel it now. There’s heat and comfort and the promise of peaceful, blissful, glowing satisfaction through their connection. 
“Eddie,” Buck whimpers again and it sounds like worship and prayer, need and devotion. He pants hard like there’s not enough air. 
There isn’t enough air. The thing that needs to be in lungs. The things that are vital and essential and make Eddie alive. There’s not enough of it. 
Buck looks dizzy and already wrecked and Eddie can’t wait to see him when they’re finally stripped bare and fitted together. He wants to know. He wants to have this. They should have this. 
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sister-lucifer · 11 months
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what’s wrong with you based on your favorite batman villain
(don’t take these too seriously)
(sequel to this post)
The Riddler: Holy shit shut the fuck up for two seconds PLEASE. i know you have a touch of the tism and crave to derail every conversation to talk about your special interest but no one else is having fun. this is why you don’t have any friends. You also have a very niche and the second most expensive taste in clothing so you only have like 3 outfits to mix and match. You either dress like you’re going to the Met Gala or like a dad on vacation, no in between
The Penguin: STOP FUCKING IMPULSE BUYING!!! YOU HAVE TOO MANY TRINKETS!!! YOU DONT NEED IT JUST BECAUSE ITS PRETTY!!!! You have the most expensive taste in clothing, especially victorian undergarments, and spend an embarrassing amount of money to dress like a vampire. And stop being so hard on your body. It might not always be the perfect image of what you want, but it’s doing its best, even if you have to help it out a bit.
Harley Quinn: Sweetheart, I promise you are more than just your sex appeal. I know you grew up around misogyny and were raised to be a housewife but you’re free now!! Well…you would be if you stopped picking the shittiest men. A relationship does not define you, stop settling for assholes because you feel ashamed for being single. Have you tried dating a woman? No, seriously, try it. You deserve it
The Joker: Stop using your humor to deflect from your trauma, i bet your back hurts from carrying the weight of being the funniest person in your friend group. You’re a big time maximalist who spends an hour picking out a hundred accessories to wear and wind up being late because you couldn’t choose which kandi bracelets were best for the occasion. You’re still holding on to the last shreds of your teenage edgelord phase. Also clean your damn room and throw away those old drink cans, nasty ass
Catwoman: How does it feel to be the sexiest person in the room at any given time? Not good, I bet, since you struggle to make friends because of how often they wind up to only be after your body. Sorry you can’t catch a break. You’re probably still carrying money saving habits you got from your parents when you were a kid even though you don’t need to now. Also please try wearing a color besides black, it’s almost summer, you’re gonna die of heatstroke. Nice eyeliner though
Poison Ivy: Dude, so many people are crushing on you rn, how do you not see this?! You’re so hot but soooo emotionally unavailable, christ. A boy in middle school said something uncomfortable to you once which was then reinforced by the misogynistic micro aggressions you were subject to as a teenager and it’s kinda tainted your entire view of the male gender, which is fair but also kinda sucks.
The Scarecrow: Daddy issues, daddy issues everywhere. He was scary as fuck, wasn’t he? Your fear was valid. You really love to analyze people which wouldn’t be an issue if you could actually be subtle about it. Stop staring, you creep. Also, that flannel doesn’t look as good as you think it does, you look like a depressed lumberjack. Like please just buy a cardigan. Halloween is your favorite holiday and you get really annoying about it around mid august. And remember to brush your fuckin hair for gods sake
The Mad Hatter: You get like…reeeeaaaally weird about your crushes, man. Like whatever you’re doing it’s not normal. You can just talk to them, you know. You have the weirdest sexual interests but they’re more so hyper specific and niche than gross or unsettling. That’s better, I guess? You gotta leave your headspace and live in reality for a bit, man. I know it kinda sucks, but there are real people here! Also you’re short. Gross
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wellofdean · 16 days
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Just wanted to split this off from this post about why Mary Winchester is excellent because it's getting so long, but I wanted to respond to these tags from @kayliemalinza :
#sometimes i feel people hate john for reasons that while valid in our universe less valid in the spn universe#but mary gets it way worse#<-- prev tags yessss#also doing the math wasn't she like 28 when she died#i'm glad they didn't recast and of course samantha smith looks her own age#but mary is in fact YOUNGER THAN SAM AND DEAN AT THIS POINT#they are not children#and the tags copied above i think explains so sos ooo much#bc so many fans glommed onto dean because of similar family issues#and that means they are struggling as much as dean is in s12#and just can't disconnect that quite yet#but god#GOD how she struggles with that emotional intimacy#she was raised as a hunter you don't think she's chockablock full of maladaptive coping mechanisms too?
Because I whole-heartedly agree with this. John Winchester was not a good father in some major, major ways, and Sam and Dean had a childhood straight out of a...well, a horror/fantasy genre show...but I think people forget that Sam and Dean also do truly love John and truly are more or less at peace with their memory of him later in the series, and there has to be a reason for that, too. It's not that he's a mustache-twirling villain; it's complicated. He loved them, but he wasn't always able to do it right. They love him, but he hurt them and made the what they are, which is a double-edged sword.
It's really natural that we all identify with Dean, and get angry at people who hurt him, but I think it's important to realize that Dean processes his anger about Mary leaving pretty quickly, because it's not really anger and resentment, it's confusion, disappointment and hurt. And I think Dean is grown enough to own his own feelings, and able to accept that she needs time and space, and he's not such a child that he isn't capable of separating his legitimate feelings from her legitimate needs. It takes him time, but he gets there, because, and this is another conversation, Dean is really very reflective and emotionally intelligent, actually.
I also do agree that a lot of fans, in identifying with Dean, map their own feelings about their parents onto Mary, and dislike her for reasons that have nothing to do with the story being told on Supernatural, which is essentially a very healing one. Since I'm a Gen-X old, and the mother of an adult son, I actually had a pretty different experience, and as much as I love Dean, in this storyline, I identified a lot with Mary.
On the one hand, she has to be so proud of her two big, beautiful, brave and heroic sons, but at the same time she does not know them! They don't need her, and they are trying to protect her from the things she feels they should have been protected from, and at the same time, as adult men who are still, in some way, motherless boys, they are hungry (especially Dean) for her to be something that she never had a chance to grow into. I loved it that her own exigencies were too strong to LET her stay. I loved that she could not accept the role of mother that had been stolen from her, and could not sit still to let it just kind of settle on her shoulders.
It made me think that (aw yeah!) there was a difference between John's sainted white nightgown conception of his dead wife (his motivation to be what he was), and Dean's memory of her as the cutter off of crusts from his sandwiches, or the mother that he comforted when she was sad, and he was just a little man. I'm so glad that Mary turned out to be so much more than that. She is a woman with her own competencies, her own damage and baggage, and her own ideas about how to make things right, who doesn't agree with her sons all the time, who makes mistakes, who fucks the wrong guy, still loves her problematic husband, and can't actually cook, thank you very much. I love that her own disorientation and her own will are so strong that she really can't allow who she actually is to be subsumed into the communal role of 'mother'.
I think that socially, we don't really think about what we ask of mothers, or how hard we judge them. We underestimate what they give up of themselves to satisfy that role. My son was born when I was really young, and fellas, IT WAS HARD under more or less perfectly normal circumstances, to make the transition from being just me to being a mother. My magnificent son is amazeballs, and is a human being that I am so fucking proud to have made out of my very own actual body and raised to be the excellent human he is, and we are really close, but I was not always prefect, and even now when he is a grown adult, I still chafe against the perception of me as 'his mother' and not just ME all the time. One of the very greatest things about my son is his incredible ability to let me live, and make space for the fact that I am also a person, and not just his mother, and I am so, so grateful to him for that, so....
Yeah. As much as I didn't want to see Dean hurt, I LOVED Mary, and love that they wrote her as her a full human being and not a tropally perfect mother. I loved seeing her as a flawed parent that deserved her adult children's understanding and mature love, who deserved her own space and her own processes. What's more, I loved seeing Dean process his feelings about her, and seeing him become a son who was capable of loving a real human woman who happened to be his mother. So... yes. I love her.
Mary Winchester forever. A+.
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khalixvitae · 7 months
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★ Birds of a Feather ★
The Wanderer x Reader | ~ 4k words
Warnings: The Wanderer is… the way he is- he’s just generally very antagonizing. Has absolutely no grasp on how to healthily interpret or express his own feelings; TL;DR he’s emotionally messy but it’s mostly internal. Gets very introspective, brief mentions of body horror (not intensely descriptive but it’s there). Gets a little suggestive at the end bc apparently I’m nothing if not existential and vaguely homoerotic. Vague worship??? Idk you can tell I have religious trauma.
Info: GN Reader who is also in Vahumana (specialty of study is not specified) has been recruited by Nahida to collaborate with the Wanderer. The reader knows Kaveh and is stated to be around his age. No physical descriptors used. Heavily inspired by his birthday letter from last year where he mentions his inability to connect with his peers but how he is admittedly kind of lonely/doesn’t believe he’s capable of connection.
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Sumeru was a strange nation; nearly as strange as its archon. At least that’s what The Wanderer had decided over the course of his self imposed imprisonment. But in a competition of peculiarity, you’d always take the cake.
In all his years of traversing Teyvat, he’d amassed quite the collection of experiences and stories he liked to chew on until they lost their bite. Much like the bitter tea leaves he enjoyed so much, he’d sit and mull over whatever memory struck his fancy until it started to come apart at the seams. He’d steep in it over and over until it lost its taste- then he’d give that one a break and move on to the next, only to inevitably repeat the process again some other time. He knew it wasn’t productive, of course. But it was a not so guilty pleasure of his, one he intended to indulge in as long as it kept his interest. Nahida would have none of it though, much to his chagrin. She’d given him some shpiel about not spending all his time in his head, something or another about a “self affirming echo chamber leading to stagnation”. A valid criticism, sure, but he thought he deserved a little stagnation every once in a while! If anyone had experienced periods of dynamic and continuous change it was him. He had three iterations already, and he most certainly was not aiming for a fourth any time soon. He figured she’d let it go and let him continue on with his innocuous hobby, lest he be unleashed onto her citizens in any greater capacity than his academic pursuits.
Of course he should’ve known better than that.
When she called for him a few days later, it shouldn’t have been a surprise that she wasn’t alone. There you were, standing at her side as if it was the most natural thing for you to do. Immediately he had a sinking feeling.
When you introduced yourself it only worsened- great, you were going to be around enough for him to need to know your name? What was Nahida planning? You weren’t entirely unfamiliar- he was pretty sure you were also in the Vahumana Darshan. At the very least you were bright enough for him to vaguely recognize; that was more than could be said for most of his peers.
“They’re going to be accompanying you for a while,” Nahida told him simply, as if that one sentence didn’t obliterate his established day to day routine.
He cut his eyes at you, then the Dendro Archon. “Goodness, well. I had no idea my social performance was so abysmal that you’d try hiring friends for me.”
The tiny god just shook her head, hands on her hips. “Now don’t be like that. I just want you to get a different perspective on things. That includes Sumeru and its people at large.”
“Ah, so you’ve booked me a tour guide then.” He bit back, clearly uneasy with this direction Nahida’s lessons were taking.
He certainly wasn’t expecting to hear you laugh at his attempt to retaliate. As much as he wanted to snarl, he didn’t detect an ounce of pity or mockery in your tone. “I’m maybe the worst person you could’ve picked if that’s the case.” The way you met his gaze so easily was enough to make him nauseous.
“It’s not that either. I just think you two would get along well, that’s all.” Nahida still had the same soft expression, one he still couldn’t read but knew it meant trouble.
And so his new routine began. At first he tried to ignore you, but Nahida would have none of that. It didn’t take long before his avoidant tactics were worn down by her valid criticisms and patient lecturing, and soon he found himself in your company whether he wanted to be or not. His new problem, however, was that he was beginning to not mind the arrangement. He wasn’t sure when it happened, but as weeks turned into months of awkward conversation and biting sarcasm, he grew used to your presence. He had to admit that Nahida’s plan worked far too well. He hardly had the time or need for his little hobby.
There were logical reasons as to why he didn’t mind your presence, of course. You were wickedly smart (for a mortal, he told himself) and observant to a fault, and your brutal honesty was oddly refreshing. There was no pity or malice in the way you talked to him- he was just like everyone else for once, something he didn’t know he’d find so thrilling until you were lazily telling him to fuck off like anyone else who dared to disturb your work. You listened to him- even though you didn’t agree with his personal philosophy, he felt strangely validated by the way you’d think about it before refuting his arguments. And the way you made note of the things he liked and responded accordingly, like bringing him teas or research papers that you’d thought he’d enjoy, made him keenly aware of the fact that you did acknowledge him outside of your allotted time together. He didn’t cease to exist to you once he was out of sight- something he couldn’t quite wrap his head around. And yet there was something else that he enjoyed about you even more than any of those logical, reasonable attributes.
It was the way you handled him.
When he got mouthy, or went just a little too low, you had a way of putting him right back in his place. Whether it was an equally sharp remark back or a silent stare that made his spine tingle, you seemed to have no qualms with biting back. It was strangely exhilarating, and each time he found himself wanting you to do it again. Frequently he’d wind up intentionally pushing your buttons in the hopes that you’d respond. At times it was a destructive self defense mechanism, as if to try and push you away when you got just a little too under his skin, but sometimes it was something else. Something he’d never admit to a solitary soul, himself or otherwise. Sometimes, he did it to see if you’d get tired of him. He was sure you had an end to your patience, your companionship archon appointed or not. There was something that made his chest tighten when you’d return fire without fail. Not only that, but sometimes it felt like he needed you to handle him because he couldn’t handle himself.
You couldn’t physically overpower him if you tried, neither could anyone else really, but it wasn’t about that. It was the way you’d laugh at him when he said something meant to rub you the wrong way, as if it was so stupid it didn’t deserve a reaction. Or how you’d respond with something equally pointed, as if it was all one big game- and it was. It had become a conspiratory back and forth that put everyone around you on edge. Even Nahida would sometimes appear put off by your complicated dynamic- if there was one time she truly felt that she didn’t understand humans, it would be while watching you two go at each other as you combed through the respective materials you’d brought to exchange. Despite being downright verbally aggressive towards one another, your actions were the complete opposite. You’d show up with two drinks any time you expected to meet, even if he always undercut the gesture with some comment about transactions and ‘owing you’. He’d edit your work without warning, handing over a copy of your most recent piece with a vague wave of his hand as if he hadn’t stayed up all night reviewing it. It was a dance of sorts- neither of you could sufficiently say you trusted the other. How could you when you rarely made it a point to get personal? Even if you were to try, he wasn’t exactly keen on explaining a lifetime's worth of unbelievable events without proof. Besides, he was a wanderer, destined to pass through and eventually leave Sumeru. What point was there in cementing a bond that was already too sturdy for its own good? You saw him, or perhaps saw through him, and shouldn’t that be enough? Despite that, he sometimes found himself testing the waters. It was sort of an experiment- he wanted to see how far he could push it, how much you could really handle him for all he was worth.
When you invited him into your home for the first time, he knew you were just as curious.
Sitting there side by side in your living room, surrounded by research materials of all kinds, he felt that familiar itch to pester you overcome him. The way you’d methodically skimmed the same page for the past half hour was beginning to make him feel weirdly exposed.
“You’ve been reading that passage for a while,” he began, leaning in to get a better look at your face as you hunched over the manuscript.
“Mhm.”
“Ah, a response. I was beginning to think I’d finally bored you to death. But it looks like I’m not that lucky.”
“Mhm.”
“What’s got you so focused? I thought this passage was relatively straightforward. Maybe I just overestimated you,” he sighed rather dramatically.
You didn’t reply that time, his insult falling on deaf ears.
“If something like this is your limit, then perhaps I should find someone else to edit my work.”
Silence.
“Or I’ll just do it myself- it’s not like anyone else in Vahumana could do any better. I’d had hope for you, but I-“
You finally tore your gaze away from the papers in front of you, instead locking onto him. When you hissed his name- not his title but his name, the one he’d only recently acquired- he knew he’d finally get what he was so desperately seeking.
“You wanna know what has me so focused? Trying to make this publishable,” you snipped back.
When he laughed at your outburst you pressed forward. “The information is solid, but it’s full of jargon that most people would find hard to stomach. Syntactically you could do well with having the comma taken away from you until you learned to use it appropriately. It’s not used incorrectly per se, but archons, I’m begging you to use any other form of punctuation. A semicolon, even a dash, anything to create variation. When your sentences are all structured the same way, it makes for a dry read and wastes otherwise good writing. But the biggest problem is that all of this,” you took up your pen and bracketed roughly half the page. “This is purely conjecture, no matter how sound it may look. And while I personally enjoy your theoreticals about Inazuman political history, I cannot think of a single source to back some of these arguments. A hypothesis is not publishable unless presented as such, but the framework of your thesis hinges on these claims as proven fact. I could maybe swing it if it were possible to prove them in the future, but half of these don’t even meet that criteria. So yes, I’m stuck. I’ve been racking my brain for sources I could offer you for citations. And if you could give me just fifteen minutes of silence that do not involve you staring at me like there’s a countdown until you vivisect me on my coffee table, I might be able to get somewhere.”
He took a second to recover- he often needed to when you’d sink your teeth into him like that- before cocking his head at you with an absolutely infuriating grin. “Well I’ve published papers before with my so-called conjecture. Why is it a problem now? Last time I checked my ‘hypotheticals’ were called groundbreaking.”
“There’s a fine line between groundbreaking and unfounded. Look, if I had to believe anyone on this subject it’d be you. I can’t think of anybody else who could put together work like this. But if I’m editing, I want to actually fine tune it. Even if it’s passable at this stage, I know it can be better. Something this interesting should be perfected.”
“How flattering, I had no idea you were such a fan of my work. Even if it is a ‘dry read’. But fine, if you’re so inclined then go ahead. I don’t really care either way. At least give me something to do in the meantime.” He leaned in again to ensure he had your full and undivided attention. “And by the way, I wouldn’t vivisect you. That’s excessive even for me. I’d at least have the decency to kill you first before I went prodding around.”
When you met his gaze without hesitation, he felt that familiar prickle run along his spine.
“How sweet of you. Anyway, I don’t really have much for you to do. You’ve already finished editing my most recent arguments. If you want to go home I’m fine with that. I can give this to you tomorrow if so. If not, I’m happy to have company. I mean you could help yourself to my bookshelf, but other than that your options are limited.” You returned to the task at hand, combing over the text just as thoroughly as before.
Now it was his turn to look perplexed.
“Well that’s stupid. Then you’d be doing this for free.”
“I already do it for free,” you sighed, knowing exactly where he was going.
“You do it as a part of an exchange. If I didn’t do the same for you, it would be for free. And right now, your labor isn’t being reciprocated. So what exactly do you get out of this?”
“I don’t want anything in return. I’m doing this because I like your work, and because you’re you. I wouldn’t do it otherwise.”
“What, because Lesser Lord Kusanali says you have to?” He sat with his arms crossed firmly over his chest, far too motionless to resemble anything human. “More than that, you could get anybody to edit your work. You’re established enough. So why do you still agree to this?”
“Oh don’t be dense. You’re the only person I’d ever let near my research aside from the Dendro Archon herself. Anybody else would try to rip off my work or make a quick buck as a ‘ghost contributor’ or some other bullshit.” You still didn’t look up from his writing despite how candidly you spoke. “You see my work for what it is, and criticize it accordingly. You don’t want anything else from me, and I don’t want anything else from you. That’s what I get out of this. And yes I know that’s paradoxical, but you’re smart enough to know what I’m getting at.”
When you finally did look back at him he noticed just how exhausted you looked. He almost felt bad for pushing your buttons. Almost. Your answer had been… strangely enlightening. He’d never believed a net zero transaction between two people was possible, and yet if he took your words at face value that’s what he had. And so he needed to push it further.
“And what if I do want something from you? What then?” He half expected you to burst into tears, or at least kick him out. But you simply pinched the bridge of your nose, letting out a long sigh.
“Well, then I’ve got no idea what it is. It seems like the only thing you want is to drive me fucking insane.” There was no bite to your remark, only a kind of resignation. “Or maybe you just want me to talk to you. It’s gotta be lonely, being the most pompous asshole around.” You paused, leaning back against the cushions of your couch to stare at the ceiling tiles. “Maybe you’ve got a little crush on me or something.”
Now it was his turn to sigh. You’d never gone that direction with your taunting before. He figured he’d take the safest route out of whatever web you were building. “I could say the same for you, you know. Of course we both know better than that, so don’t trouble yourself with that train of thought. That pretty little head of yours is already at capacity as it is.” He tapped a finger on the manuscript you’d ceased editing.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He realized you were looking right at him once more, clearly tired of his never ending vague statements.
“I mean it’s obvious you’d have eyes for somebody else.” He decided to drive his point home- he wanted to embarrass you away from the subject because now he felt quite exposed. You were right, of course. But that was unthinkable. All those years spent without genuine connection and now that he’d found it, something inside of him wanted to squander it for a chance at more? For a creature born without a heart, he sure was greedy. He wasn’t equipped to admit that to himself, much less to you. No way, he’d have to end the conversation and never let it resurface.
“You’re awfully close with that blonde from Kshahrewar. It wouldn’t surprise me if you two were… involved with one another. He’s a bit of a mess but- well, that makes it even more fitting.”
“Kaveh? Nah. I mean we’re close, but not like that. He’s got a lot going on that he needs to sort out before he tries dating anybody, especially me. It would never work.” You didn’t seem flustered, which made him even more uncomfortable than he was before.
“Oh? Too much baggage? I see.” Why did he feel a little wounded by that? He’d ignore it for the moment.
“No, I don’t think there’s such a thing. It’s more so how he chooses to deal with his problems- or really how he refuses to. We work through things differently. He makes a great friend, but we’re fundamentally different people when you get down to brass tacks.”
Why did you have to be so reasonable? It was getting on his nerves. “Really now? But don’t opposites attract? And he’s easy on the eyes, I’ll give him that. And he’s your age, right?”
“Gods, why don’t you date him then? Sounds like you’ve got a whole lot to say about him. I can even set you two up, my treat. And back up, what do you mean he’s ‘around my age’? So are you, I don’t see how that’s a differentiating factor. Unless you aren’t- how old are you anyway?” You fully faced him then, illuminated in the orangey glow of your desk lamp.
“Wouldn’t you like to know? Older than the two of you, for certain.” He smiled placidly. “Anyway, he’s not my type. He’s too… kind. Being around him would make anybody feel awful. But again, you two-“
“Drop it already,” you cut him off decidedly. “It feels like you’re deflecting. If you’re going to fish for something, at least be direct.”
“I’m only pointing out the obvious. What, you think I’d tell him? I mean-“
“I said drop it. You’ve already beaten the subject to death and back, can you please just let it-“
“Make me.” The phrase had escaped him before he registered it. Something about seeing you so irritated with him made his pulse quicken. The look on your face was one he was well acquainted with- you were ready to bite back. There was a moment of pause, the two of you locked in a tense silence that filled every corner of the room.
“So that’s what you want. Huh.” He watched something in your eyes change as you mulled over your thoughts. In a second you were even closer- the image of a rishboland tiger crossed his mind for a moment. He began to wonder if he really had messed up this time, if he’d completely ruined your net zero relationship with such a silly little outburst, if you’d finally tell Nahida you were done and-
Your hands were so warm against his skin. How you murmured his name carried the same heat. “May I?” It was an odd question, but the way your fingers brushed any loose strands of hair away from his face had him nodding without a thought to the contrary. He wasn’t used to someone asking him for permission for anything- hell, he didn’t know what you were asking for. All the same, he knew he lwanted whatever you were offering.
The kiss that ensued was bruising. While he was accustomed to others being rough with him, something about this was different. When you brushed your thumbs over his cheekbones soothingly before carding through his choppy bangs, he felt nothing short of delight. You were handling him as you always did. For someone who didn’t need to breathe, he seemed to have the wind knocked out of him. After a short while he realized he’d grabbed onto your shoulders so tightly his fingertips ached- he had no idea when he’d taken hold of you, but you made no effort to pull away from his harsh grasp. His efforts at reciprocating were very clearly unpracticed, but by the gods did he ever have enthusiasm. He was all teeth and nails; he had no idea if he was even capable of gentleness after so many years. Even so he tried desperately, pulling at you, pushing you into him, doing everything in his power to convey just how badly he wanted whatever this was.
“Hey, hey. Relax. I’m right here. I’ve got you,” your words nearly made him keel over, each one spoken against his skin as you worked your way down the column of his throat. You treated him like he was something to be revered by virtue of his very existence. Is this what it felt like to be worshiped as a god? No, he knew better than that nowadays. This was something sweeter, even more devout- and he would’ve died right that second had you asked him to. “Is this alright?” Once again he nodded without hesitation, afraid that his voice might betray just how badly he needed you to keep going. He wanted to scream, to maintain his composure enough to insult you and save face, but any attempts at that were a lost cause.
When you sank your teeth into his skin he thought maybe he’d died already. Physical pain was an old acquaintance of his, a familiar companion he took a sort of sick comfort in. This time though the sensation had him teetering on an edge he’d never conceived of. You’d made quick work of his hat already, and with nothing left to hide behind he knew he had to look so pathetic. But you didn’t laugh at him; for all your previous sharp words and pointed jabs, in that moment you were so good to him it made him ache. It was humiliating. He wanted to hide, to crawl back into his own skin and recompose himself. Simultaneously he could only think of chasing after you for more.
You took your time marking along his neck, glancing up at him for silent permission before beginning each new bruise. He figured you had to be some variety of insane to want him this way (or in any way for that matter), but he couldn’t find the strength to tell you so. He felt weak, and for that he loathed you. At the same time he wished he could crack open his ribs and house you in the hollow space where his heart should’ve been. The way he ceaselessly pulled at you only made that more and more apparent. He wasn’t alone in his desire, though. Your methodical pace and mumbled string of praises told him that you may even agree to be enshrined within him- of course he’d never say so, instead resigning himself to breathless sighs and noises he’d only ever describe as pitiful.
When you finally backed off he attempted to chase after your touch. He was a mess and he knew it; with mussed hair and bruised lips, he looked every bit as weak as he felt but he couldn’t be bothered to care. He’d endure the humiliation of being perceived so long as you’d show him you wanted him.
“I have to finish editing your paper,” you murmured, brushing down the mess you’d made of his bangs.
“Wha- who cares about the paper?” It wasn’t as much of a quip as he’d intended, but it would have to suffice.
“I care about it. I want your work to do well. You deserve it.”
He opened his mouth to protest, but no sound escaped.
“Give me that fifteen minutes, that’s all. Deal?”
For once, he couldn’t bring himself to argue with you.
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So uh. Idk what happened here. I am unwell over him I will not lie. I’m currently stoned out of my mind enjoy this tho
Tag list: @v-anrouge @vtoriacore @phoneymedic @gum-gum-time @heatofmyexoheart (DM to be added or to be removed ! <3)
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jesslockwood · 11 months
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Someone just said that Anthony Lockwood is not a people pleaser and I’d like to dive into why I personally think he is. 
Fair warning: this is just my opinion on my psych evaluations of his character as someone who is a chronic people pleaser and has gone to therapy for it. I’m also an actor so it’s literally my job to figure out why characters tick for the portrayal of them on stage or screen. this is a fictional character so don’t attack me lol.
you’re obviously entitled to your own opinion but I just wanted to give mine :)
!!!SOME BOOK SPOILERS!!!
the deep dive below the cut
Okay so he may seem to most people like a narcissistic character type (from people telling me that that’s what they think) but from what I see is more that he craves to be seen and heard and wants others to feel the same, and does anything even if it hurts others (like the tv public appearance) to satisfy it the craving of being loved and accepted and believed that he’s right whether he agrees with it himself or not. I do think there’s a lot more from the childhood trauma that affects him also to be a hero, and to have a saviour complex almost because he’d rather die a hero and let others live than the pain of himself losing more people. so yes that’s the main part of what his character’s made up of but he still is a people pleaser.
He has the urge to make sure people (like Lucy) feel heard and seen (because that’s all he’s ever wanted), and when for example she says she talked to the skull you can tell he has this internal battle because he wants her to feel pleased with his answer, and even though it’s an unbelievable phenomenon he chooses to hear her and make her feel seen the way he’s always wanted for himself. People pleasers stem when your needs are not met, (if it be from emotionally unavailable parents or like Lockwood, his parents physically weren’t there for him to have his needs met by them and I think he wants to make them proud due to their deaths and always craving more attention and love because he never got enough due to his situation) and you’re left to your own devices to figure out how to not rock the boat yourself when its metaphorically already in a storm. its almost like he cant say no to Lucy or disagree because she meets some of his needs when he’s agreeable. which I can relate to finding people who meet your needs because they're paying attention to you (like George says you “because you like the way she looks at you”) and that’s why he gives her 100% of his devotion, and acceptance and love, hoping she’ll at lest give 1%. (I’m not saying though that Lucy give 1% that’s just how people pleasers work)
I think though with Lockwood and George, George just doesn't have the capacity to give Lockwood what he so desperately wants, at least to the degree he wants, so he turns to Lucy when she’s in the picture. he even at the funeral was like ‘oh my god its Penelope Fittes!!!’ internally looking for validation of what he did. 
Lastly people pleasers can be selfish. I’ve seen it in myself a lot, and people I know and have been told as to why talking to my therapist. Like my ex best friend is a people pleaser, and she got a boyfriend and because he started giving her the validation and “love” she so desperately wanted, she forgot about me and the rest of her friends. she traded us because she found someone who can give her what's she’s craving more at the moment, and clinging onto it for dear life instead of dealing with why she wants that so badly. like I said with the tv interview with the Annabel case and with him calling Lucy an asset, because he wants to be one so bad and have the spotlight for that validation so badly. I will funnily say this is why a lot of people want to be actors, or in the entertainment industry, because there’s a higher chance someone will watch them and praise them for their work.
if you’ve made it this far thanks for listening :)))
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