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#and not get ignored until someone else is also impacted
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I’ve written about this a lot before but it bears reiterating now.
I’ve seen some takes that essentially say Taylor was callous because she broke up with Joe because he “couldn’t get over his depression” and how cruel that is when she said she loves him.
And I think that a lot of the people who think that are identifying with Joe, and empathizing with him and suffering from a version of somewhat understandable main character syndrome. I see this a lot in advice on how to be there for someone struggling with their mental health. It says things like “keep reaching out even if they ignore you. They appreciate it.” “Keep inviting them to do things even if they say no” “Continue letting them know you are there for them to talk to even if they repeatedly shut you out.” And I’m not saying this is bad advice, but it makes it sound like there is one person who struggles with their mental health surrounded by supporting characters who are 100% healthy and able to give an endless supply of emotional energy and that they never have mental health struggles that are impacted by this. (My mental health for instance tanks when I reach out over and over and get rejected because I feel like no one likes me)
From what I can tell from her music (which by the way is the only indication we have that Joe struggles with his mental health, so if we are accepting that premise we need to accept everything else she says about it) Taylor followed a lot of this advice for a long time.
Years of labor locks and ceilings
Pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away
Always rising from the ashes
There was nowhere for me to stay but I stayed anyways
And she tried and tried until it was having a hugely detrimental impact on her mental health which she relates
She discusses how she had to revert into a dream world because of the impact of it:
I dreamed about it in the dark the night I felt like I might die
She talks about how holding on to the relationship made her feel:
I know my pain was such an imposition
My white-knuckle dying grip holding tight to your quiet resentment
My spine split from carrying us up the hill
Wet through my clothes weary bones caught the chill
She had a huge amount of anxiety about the relationship so much that her friends noticed how it was impacting her
My friends say it isn’t right to be scared every day of a love affair
My friends tried but I wouldn’t hear it/watched me daily disappearing
She got to the point where she wasn’t sure he even wanted her
Every breath feels like rarest air/When you’re not sure if he wants to be there
Is it really your anxiety that keeps you from giving me everything or do you just not want to
I wouldn’t marry me either
Her mental health was deteriorating, so if Joe deserved a partner that would support him when his mental health was struggling, doesn’t Taylor? There’s no evidence that he was able to give that to her and she felt very misunderstood by him
My face was gray but you wouldn’t admit that we were sick
How can you say you love someone you can’t tell is dying
You never read into my melancholia
Nobody noticed my new aesthetic
You say you don’t understand and I say I know you don’t
He don’t understand me
A pathological people pleaser/who only wanted you to see her
Why is his mental health considered more important than hers? One person doesn’t get to call dibs on being the one with mental health problems while the other person is assigned to be the supporting character forever.
It’s also clear she had hopes and dreams for a future that involved marriage and kids that he couldn’t or wouldn’t give her. So should she should give those up so as not to leave her partner who is depressed and be labeled a bad person?
It isn’t his fault that he’s depressed but Taylor clearly has mental health struggles too and one is not more important to the other. They were unable to be good partners to each other due to this, so ending it was the right thing. Were there better ways to do it, yes! But she was clearly struggling so incredibly much that I for one, will give her grace and understanding
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aeide-thea · 11 months
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very much an off-the-cuff post so there may well be bugs, i'm still workshopping my thinking here, but—
i seem to see posts fairly regularly in which a member of some marginalized group A is objecting to attempts by less marginalized group B to make connections between discrimination against A and harm experienced by B (the main thing i have in mind here is when people attempt to align themselves with visibly-trans people by pointing out the ways that transphobic legislation also impacts gnc cis people, theatrical crossdressing, &c, but there are definitely also examples along other axes)—
and like. the main objection i've seen from A is 'why do they have to connect my experience to their experience in order to care about it? why can't they just agree that i shouldn't be discriminated against as a matter of, like, compassion for fellow humanity?'
and this reaction does honestly always just seem a little, idk, naive to me?? like, i don't know, it's gotten very popular ime to complain about normies' clumsy attempts to Understand Instead of Just Accepting [this feels potentially linked to like. the way many of us now prefer silently clicking 'like' to producing our own original, maybe clumsy, responses? but don't @ me on that point], probably because a lot of the time they aren't genuinely seeking to Understand but just to point out all the ways our queerness &c doesn't fit their received (unexaminedly conservative) understanding of the world, which feels to us (very reasonably!) like renewed pressure from the establishment to make ourselves fit that established framework, and so we resist… but at the same time, idk, maybe i'm just outing myself as lesser-than-thou here, but for every sort of person i was raised to distrust and have since arrived at genuine loving acceptance/appreciation of, it's involved first coming to understand their frame of reference at least a little? not to say that there isn't a place for shutting up and listening while you're still working to understand, because there definitely is! but i do kind of think this idea that's become popular in certain liberal circles of like, 'you don't have to understand my experience, you just have to respect it,' is fine and true for keeping peace with strangers, but really isn't a recipe for winning friends or influencing people—it's a recipe for keeping people at arm's length where they can't hit you. and then people turn around and want to apply that rule to coalition-building, and get all shocked-pikachu-face when others seek to identify more active points of connection.
...
another ~Radical Objection to Liberal Approaches~ i've seen, though often not specifically in this context (of discussing the way attempts to oppress A have knock-on effects for B), is like—'there's no point in deconstructing their logic because it's fundamentally illogical! insert that sartre quote abt anti-semites!' and like. no, there's absolutely no point in debating their logic with them. but fundamentally when people assert a logical resistance to bigoted positions they are not doing it to Own The Bigots, imo, or at any rate shouldn't be; they're (we're) doing it to reaffirm the basis of their/our own camp's position, namely, we see your knee-jerk fears and reject them; we substitute instead a patient allegiance to logic, that reasons its way into compassion.
that said, obviously there's a conversation to be had here about, like, platforming bad positions, and to what extent deconstructing them is implicitly platforming them! but. i do think that complaining that logic won't win over bigots is missing the very fundamental point that the logic isn't for the bigots: it's for us. we're talking to ourselves; we're affirming ourselves. and yeah, we need to understand that this sort of intra-party discussion doesn't, on its own, constitute sufficient activism! messages need to be communicated beyond the bounds of the party! but i do think i disagree that there's no place for it.
#anyway i'm just sticking this all under a cut bc it got very long and i didn't arrive at a nice tidy overarching conclusion#but i guess i just think like. i'm not convinced that resisting people's attempts to understand a struggle as linked with theirs#is ever going to be a strategy that makes any sense—#i just think it's coming from a place of woundedness that wants its pain to be Seen and Matter In Itself#and not get ignored until someone else is also impacted#and like. that's SO emotionally valid! god! but also like. that's feelings and not a basis for politics???#and the second point here—#which honestly could've been its own post; i was just thinking abt the two points together bc i saw a post that made them together—#really feels to me like. showing up at an internal org meeting and then complaining that it doesn't constitute effective public messaging#like yeah‚ people pass posts around on here that aren't gonna convince conservatives#but like. (a) how much convincing of conservatives do you really think is gonna happen on tumblr anyway?#and also (b) then make your own posts that *are* angled at convincing conservatives! or‚ you know‚ do something that isn't posting!#(in b4 'some of us have disabilities' yeah‚ me too! i emailed my representatives the other day! there's stuff you can do!)#but like. everybody just wants to critique other people's efforts (and obviously as per this very post i'm not immune!)#when it's like. most of what we're doing *isn't* activism—what it could be is the tentative social basis for a real coalition#on which activism could then be founded#but most of us would rather suspiciously snipingly in-fight than let these tentative social filaments thicken into binding ties!#anyway. a great example of a post by someone with adhd that will probably be prohibitively difficult for other ppl with adhd to read!
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murdrdocs · 5 months
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We’ve discussed Cornelius but what kind of kinks do we think Sejanus has? He’s a beautiful specimen, truly a tasty treat
firstly, sejanus is soft but not vanilla.
he's not an extreme person, he can't even imagine hurting you even if you really wanted it. he only wants to treasure you and protect you and make you feel good.
that being said, he's really into praise. both ways. he likes how pretty your moans are and how you're so pliant whenever he praises you. and he likes when you praise him because he needs verbal validation that he's doing the right thing and he's making you feel good.
he's a family person. he's always dreamt of starting a family and settling down with someone who means the world to him, so breeding and pregnancy kinks aren't a shocker for him. he loves to fill you up as much as he can, hoping that eventually one day it'll take and you'll start swelling with the blessing of carrying his baby. he also starts to get really serious about where he cums at a certain point. when you're really trying for a baby, having had talks about it and everything, he hates when his cum is anywhere other than in you. he always feels like washing the sticky white substance away is just a waste.
because he's all about pleasing you, cuckolding is something he's willing to explore. not all the time, of course, but just a handful of times he's down to let you fuck someone else while he watches. especially if it's a mutual friend, someone he knows and trusts, someone he believes would treat you just as well as he does (coriolanus).
there are some other things that he'd be open to. like impact play (never your face, though), just spanking you until the flesh starts to burn or lightly tapping your cunt when you're being a bit of a brat. he's not a massive brat tamer, but he can get stern sometimes if you're purposefully pushing his buttons with an intent to get a rise out of him. he also would engage in wax play if you wanted him to. maybe on a special occasion like a birthday or anniversary, when the setting is ultra romantic and there's wax pooled in the hollow pit at the top of a burning candle and you sweetly ask for him to splatter your chest with the red.
both ways he's into overstimulation. he has a thing about not knowing limits, or just ignoring them all together. but he has good intent! he's just so obsessed with you, he likes to give and give and give until you're crying and writhing and begging him to make this orgasm the last one. and he likes when you do the same to him. it makes him feel less vile when you deliver your form of payback. it works out for him either way, because he's still getting to feel you. your cunt and your hands and your mouth (your feet once or twice). it's all you and he truly can't get enough.
special mention: he likes body worship. he loves kissing along your entire body and worshipping you and thanking you for coming into his life and making everything so much more bearable. he needs you to see him the way he sees you, so there are a few times where he'll fuck you in front of a mirror so you can see what he sees. and with his body worship comes him kissing all of you, even your feet and under your arms.
if you try to do the same to him, he gets all shy and nervous and tries to tell you you don't have to. but if you kiss him just enough, he won't notice that you're in front of the mirror and if you get on your knees, he'll do anything for you. even stare at his reflection in the mirror as you make him cum on your tongue.
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heavyhitterheaux · 4 months
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Ghost Part 1
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AN: everyone ignore the fact that it took me almost a year to finish this lol
Synopsis: You're an OnlyFans model that gets pregnant by none other than Jack Harlow, who runs at the first sign of taking responsibility for his actions. But soon enough, his responsibilities get to be too much for him to ignore
Pairing: Jack Harlow x Reader
Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere
'I'm a good girl'
At least that’s what you told yourself 
But good girls didn't go to school by day and were a cam girl at night.
However, you were 
It was only for a little while
Just until you finished school
You needed a way to pay for it somehow
Besides the money was good and it kept a roof over your head
You admit that this wasn't your first choice in a career path obviously, but you had to do what you had to do in order to survive.
You had been in foster care since you were 9 because your parents and brother passed away in a car accident while you were the lone survivor
Your grandparents were older and they couldn't take care of you so that's when you went into the system 
Your aunt which was your mother's sister and your mother didn't get along and she said that there was no way in hell that she would take you and that you were someone else’s problem
I mean she did have five kids of her own to take care of, but to be that cold hearted to a nine year old?
You admit that you had survivor's guilt and would do anything to have all three of them here with you. But you knew that they would have wanted for you to have the best life that you could possibly have and that you were going to make sure of it. 
But if they were here, then maybe just maybe, your current life would be different.
You had dreams of becoming a preschool teacher since you were diagnosed at 15 with PCOS and you were told that your chances of getting pregnant were slim to none. It definitely hurt because since you didn’t have any immediate family left, that you wanted to have as many as you could. 
But you figured if you couldn’t have any of your own that you would teach them instead. If you could plant little seeds into their minds that will be able to set them up for greatness then you were all for it. 
You put on your newest lingerie set that was gifted to you by one if not your favorite supporter you would say who went by the name Mr.Missionary and was setting up your camera in order to get the perfect view.
One thing about you is that you never showed your face
Only thing they could see was from the neck down
You did that on purpose because the last thing you wanted was for someone to know what you looked like.
It wasn't the fact that you were embarrassed of what you did, but you wanted to remain as anonymous as possible so for the future, your career wouldn't be impacted. You could only imagine what would happen if someone found out what you had done in college when you were teaching their small children. It probably wouldn’t be good and the next thing that would probably happen is you being out of a job. 
You saw time and time again that happening to different people and that's one thing you did not want to deal with.
But, back to Mr. Missionary
He was a sweet talker and knew exactly what to say.
It all started with a message from him asking you if you were comfortable showing your face to him.
Since he had been supportive of you since day one, you figured why not. But also told him not to share any of the photos that you sent him to anyone else. 
So your jaw definitely dropped when you answered the incoming facetime call and was staring back at no one other than Jack Harlow.
The two of you would talk every week and you mentioned one time how you had never been off the east coast before and would love to go. Only Fans did pay well now that you had a lot of subscribers, but it hadn’t always been that way. However, you really only used the money for school and to make sure that you had a place to live. 
The semester had just ended and you weren't taking any classes during the summer so Jack offered to fly you out to L.A. to spend a week with him while he was recording new songs and you quickly said yes. 
This would happen periodically, him flying you out to different cities to meet him all summer long and soon you found yourself getting ready for the new semester to start.
You had about another year to go at Howard University in D.C. until you graduated with your degree in early childhood education while your friend Nadia was majoring in business administration.
The two of you met your freshman year and had been close ever since when you had to take a few prerequisite classes together.
She was from Louisville and was a big fan of Jack, but you didn't bother telling her what had happened between the two of you.
You signed an NDA anyway.
And since she had gone home for the summer, she had no reason for the thought to even cross her mind. 
But when you just so happened to go to your OB/GYN appointment you had gotten a huge surprise.
You were pregnant and apparently had been for three months.
Your period was irregular and you would often go for months without getting one so you thought nothing of it.
The first thing you did when you got back to your apartment was call Nadia and couldn’t help but to blurt it out.
"I'M PREGNANT!"
"Well first of all hello to you too and WHAT?!”
"I can't get pregnant! At least that's what I was told. They told me that when I was fifteen!"
"Well apparently you can. How far along are you?"
"Three months apparently and I had absolutely no idea. I wasn’t craving anything, no morning sickness, no nothing. None of the usual symptoms."
"Oh so when the semester ended, those legs were open for business, huh?"
"NADIA! BE SERIOUS PLEASE." You said while pacing around your bedroom. 
"Well, who's the father? Did you tell him?"
"Sooo, this is probably going to sound really bad." You muttered while pouring yourself something to drink.
You couldn’t see Nadia’s face, but you could just imagine how it looked. 
"I mean, how bad? You're an adult who can do what you want."
"Ummm…. He’s one of my supporters for my cam show."
"Y/N!!!! IS THAT WHY YOU WERE FLYING EVERYWHERE THIS SUMMER!? YOU WENT TO SEE HIM DIDN’T YOU? DO YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN?"
"Um, maybe and well, I didn’t die."
"What do you mean maybe?! It's either yes or no! And you didn’t die, but now you came back pregnant!”
"Uh, then yes."
"You need to tell him NOW. It’s his responsibility as much as it is yours."
"I will and then I'll call you back." You said while sighing. 
You didn't have enough courage to call him, but you needed to. It was better to get it over with sooner rather than later. 
You knew he was busy and decided to text him first.
You- Hey, call me when you get a chance 
Jack- I will right before I go to sleep tonight. Hopefully I can get another private show 😉
You didn't even bother responding and just waited for your phone to ring while working on assignments you had to do for class instead. 
Another thing you had to worry about now was graduating on time since you were now pregnant and would be due at the start of the last semester before you graduated. 
It was around 11:52 pm when your phone finally rang indicating an incoming facetime call from Jack.
"Hey pretty girl. I'm sorry it took me so long to call you.”
"Hey. It's okay, I was just studying while I waited.”�� You quietly said and Jack was immediately eyeing you knowing that something was wrong.
"You okay?" Jack curiously asked while looking at your solemn expression.
"No, not exactly." You quietly responded while starting to fidget as you closed your textbook that was in front of you.
It was now or never.
"What's going on?"
You took a deep sigh before the words left your mouth. Might as well get it over with.
"I'm pregnant." 
Jack immediately went quiet and pinched the bridge of his nose before he said anything.
"I thought you said that you couldn't get pregnant and I always wore protection every time just in case."
"I thought so too and obviously you didn't."
"How do you know it's mine?" You immediately rolled your eyes.
"Didn't I spend basically the entire summer with you?"
"Some of it, not all of it. I don't know what you were doing when you weren't with me." Your jaw had hit the floor. He had some nerve.
"Don't do that. Why would I lie?"
"I'm being honest. Don't get mad at me for telling the truth. And why would you lie? Because I’m a millionaire the last time I checked, that’s why. Sounds like you tried to trap me." 
"Look, I just want them taken care of. AND EXCUSE ME? TRAP YOU? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?"
"I still don't see what that has to do with me and yes trap me, you heard me the first time."
"Seriously? How could you even say that? I have given you no reason to think that about me."
“Well people can surprise you, everyday. Until I get a paternity test, I'm not believing anything."
That was about three years ago and nothing has changed since then.
You were basically a single mother and Jack popped in occasionally when he wanted to. 
Which wasn't often. 
You were struggling living on your own with no support system in D.C. and Nadia had convinced you to move to Kentucky to be near her so she could help out as much as she could. Her business was finally taking off and she told you that you could find a teaching job at one of the elementary schools since they were hiring for preschool teachers.
When Jack found out that you had moved to Louisville he was not only convinced that you trapped him, but now you were stalking him too.
He had no idea that you were in this by yourself, literally. No help from family or anything.
You could count on one hand how many times Jack had seen Ace since birth and you came to the conclusion that you were probably going to be a single mother and stopped asking him for anything. The last time that he had talked to you was almost two months ago. During that three minute conversation he didn’t even ask how his son was and he only lived less than fifteen minutes away from you.
After the paternity test was done and Jack was proven to be the father, he had accidentally left the paper out on the table and no one other than his younger brother Clay found it. He had questioned Jack about it and because Clay was holding the obvious proof in his hands there was no possible way for him to back out of it. Clay then took it upon himself to reach out to you because he wanted to meet Ace. He met him when he was a month old and at that time Jack had only been to see him once. Because of how he acted, you knew early on not to put his last name on Ace’s birth certificate.  
After moving to Louisville, you met two of Nadia’s close friends, Blaire and Liv. Blaire was a baker who had her own bakery and would have breakfast waiting for you every day for you and Ace before you dropped him off at daycare and went to the school to teach while Liv taught kindergarten at the same school where you were. All four of you had become extremely close, but none of them knew who Ace’s father was. 
Because you signed an NDA, all you ever told them was that he really wasn’t a part of his life and that you were doing this all on your own and they accepted that as an explanation, but it was only a matter of time before they found out the truth. You knew that they would all look at him differently because they were such big fans of him. Plenty of times they had asked you to go to his concerts with him, but you steadily declined, but they never questioned why. 
All Jack did was send money to help with daycare and that’s when he actually remembered to do it. You got a discount since it was actually in the same school as where you taught, but it was still expensive. Especially on the salary that you got.
It was currently almost four in the afternoon and Jack was supposed to pick Ace up to spend time with him and you were hoping that they would be able to spend more time together. You knew that his career was demanding and he was at the height of it, but you just wanted Ace to have a relationship with him. He told you that he would be coming around 2 and that he would take Ace to the Louisville basketball game later with the rest of PG and spend the weekend with him. 
From what you knew, Urban was the only one who knew about Ace and was guessing that this would be his opportunity to tell them. You sighed as you looked at your baby waiting at the door with his little backpack on wanting to see the moment his dad was going to come through the door. 
After a while, he just sat down and sighed which made your heart break.
“Mommy, daddy not coming is he?” He quietly asked you and all you did was sigh.
“We just have to wait and see, bub. Maybe daddy got busy and got caught up with doing something.” One thing that you were tired of doing was making excuses for Jack.
“Does daddy love me?” He looked up at you with tears in his eyes and you quickly sat down next to him and slid him into your lap.
It took everything in you not to cry right then and there, but immediately pulled out your phone to call him.
“Of course he does. Here, baby. Let’s call him to see where he is.”
You didn’t know if you were trying to convince Ace or convince yourself.
You put the phone to Ace’s ear and Jack actually picked up on the third ring which you were surprised by.
“Hello?”
“DADDY! Where you at? Still coming to get me?”
“Oh, hey little man. Um, something came up, but I promise to get you another day.”
“But you promised you were coming today. You said that last time.”
“I know, bubs but I’ve just been so busy.”
Not wanting for the conversation to go on any further, Ace handed the phone to you with tears in his eyes, threw off his backpack and ran down the hallway into his room.
“Ace!” You called after him, but he continued down the hallway. 
“Are you…..? Are you serious right now?! You made him cry because all you do is fucking lie to him and to me!” You took a deep breath before letting him have it. 
“Y/N, please don’t fucking start.” You heard him say before sighing and you could hear cheering going on in the background indicating that he was already at the game.
“Oh, I’m going to fucking start because he has been excited for this all week! Why would you bail on your son like that? You did the same shit last time. You begged me to come and see him and when I told you what time would work best, what did you do? Not even bother to show up. Either you want to be in his life or you don’t and you need to make a decision. Tired of my child constantly being disappointed in his father.”
“Look, I’ll talk to you later.” Jack said and then hung up without another word leaving you fuming from your conversation. 
You simply got up while grabbing Ace’s backpack and made your way to his room. Once you opened the door, you found him laying down with his head resting on his hands just staring off into space.
“Ace….”
“Mommy, can we just go to the park?” He asked not even mentioning what Jack had done.
“Sure, baby. Whatever you want. I also think that it’s a perfect day for ice cream. What do you say?”
At the mention of ice cream, Ace immediately perked up and eagerly nodded his head.
“Can I get chocolate chip cookie dough?”
“Whatever my Ace wants, he gets.”
Upon hearing this, he immediately smiled and you were happy that you could take his mind off of what his father had promised him, at least for a little while. 
Two weeks had passed and you were rushing to get both of you out of the door and to Blaire’s bakery for breakfast so that the two of you would at least have something on your stomach for the busy day ahead.
You had sent a text last night to Jack asking him to send you money for daycare for the month of October, but he never responded leaving you frustrated because you literally now only had 24 hours to come up with the money otherwise you weren’t quite sure what you were going to do.
Your Only Fans was still active, but that was a last resort.
While driving to the bakery, Ace fell asleep in the backseat when you decided to call him.
“Yes, Y/N? What now? I’m busy.”
“Good morning to you too. Did you get my text last night?” You asked after rolling your eyes at how he greeted you.
“Didn’t I just give you money for daycare? Why do you need more already?”
“You see, Jackman….”
“Don’t call me that.”
“That’s your name isn’t it? Given to you by your parents?”
“Look, what do you want? I’m in the studio.”
“No need to be rude. I need more money for daycare. I have to pay it every month.”
“Why the fuck is it so expensive? Got damn a round trip to L.A. is cheaper.”
“I don’t know, but I already get a discount and I have to pay it by tomorrow so can you just send it to me?”
“1600 dollars?!? That’s the discounted price? You have got to be fucking kidding me. They act like you have six fucking kids. He’s one person.”
“Just… can you do it or not? I wouldn't ask you unless I absolutely had to.” You asked, hating that you even had to do so.
“Yeah, I’ll send it and you better be using it for daycare and not something else. Because if I find out you did, you better not ask me for it again. Anything else you want to bother me about?”
“Ace is in the car. Do you want to say good morning to him?”
“Not really. I’ll call him later. Bye.”
“I-....”
Jack hung up without another word and all you did was shake your head at him and how your three year old is more well mannered than he is.
Once you pulled up to the bakery, Blaire met you outside on the curb and immediately ran to your window with a bag of food as well as two drinks. A hot chocolate for Ace and her specially made coffee for you. You swore that she put jet fuel in it and as many times as you asked her for the recipe, she never told you. 
It literally allowed for you to stay energized throughout the day and didn't even want to know how much caffeine was in it.
She handed you yours, while she opened Ace’s door and handed him his.
“Thank you, Auntie Blaire.” He quietly said before taking it and you looked back at him to see that he was pouting and Blaire immediately asked him what was wrong before you could.
“Daddy didn’t say good morning to me when he talked to mommy.”
Oh.
So he was awake.
“I’m just sure he was really busy. You can try calling him later once you get home, yeah?” She said to try and get a smile at him, but all he did was nod his head.
So much for getting a good start to the day.
Ace had been upset the entire time he was in daycare even when you went to go and check on him and brought a cookie as a peace offering which he wasn't excited by and thought that making his latest favorite dinner might take his mind off of it. 
You never in a million years thought that Ace would love to help you cook, but here you were. He told you that he wanted to be a chef when he grew up, so you obviously set him up with everything that he might need.
He told you on the way home that he wanted to make chicken parm with noodles so you stopped by the store to grab the ingredients.
Ace was wearing his apron that you had gotten him as a gift for his birthday which said Chef Ace on it and standing on his step stool to add salt to the boiling water for the noodles while you were finishing cutting up the chicken and about to start making the breading for it.
He didn't bring up for the rest of the day what had happened with Jack earlier, but you had a feeling that it was coming and more than likely it would be around bedtime. But for now, you were simply going to focus on spending time with your little one.
“Ace, do you want to grab the Italian seasoning for mommy to use?”
“Yes!”
He promptly moved his step stool to be in front of the spice cabinet and climbed up when there was a knock on the door.
Ace had handed it to you and stepped down before going to get a sip of juice out of his sippy cup.
“Be right back, bubs. Remember don't touch anything without mommy being in here with you. We don't need you getting hurt.”
“Okay, promise.” He quickly answered before taking another swig of his juice as you went to answer the door to come face to face with Nadia,  Blaire, and Liv.
“Heyyy. Blaire told us baby daddy troubles this morning sooooo…. We brought wine and lemon cake that Blaire made for Ace.” Nadia said as she held up the wine and Liv held up the cake and all three of them were smiling back at you.
“You guys didn't….”
“Shut up and let us in. Yes we did and what is our little chef making tonight?” Liv asked as you moved to the side and let them in while closing the door behind you.
“Chicken parm and salad and Blaire’s cake can be added to that now.”
“HI AUNTIES!” You heard Ace as he ran full speed towards the four of you.
“Auntie’s baby!” Nadia exclaimed as she opened her arms to engulf him into a hug.
“Food should be about done in another thirty minutes.”
“Well until then, we have the wine to keep us occupied.”
After gushing over how good the meal was along with Blaire’s lemon cake, Nadia pulled out her phone and shoved it towards you.
“What am I looking at?” You asked her as Ace had climbed into your lap.
“Jack Harlow and his No Place Like Home concert. I thought I would get tickets for all of us to go.”
Ace then peered at her phone and got a confused look on his face.
“Oh, that's daddy!”
Silence.
Looks of shock.
Looks of disbelief.
Nadia, Liv, and Blaire knew how intelligent Ace was so they didn't think that this would be something that he would lie about all while trying to wrap their heads around it.
When no one said anything, Ace turned to look at you.
“Are we going to call him before I go to sleep?”
“Um, sure bubs. We’ll call him. Do you want to go and pick out a book for us to read tonight before we do?”
He eagerly nodded before hopping down off your lap and heading to his bookshelf in his bedroom.
All you did was sigh and wait for the interrogation to begin.
Nadia was first.
“Y/N!!!!! I…. WHAT!?”
“Do not say anything because the last thing I need is him finding out that other people know.”
“He is a literal ASSHOLE to you and Ace. The mother of his son and his actual son. All the shit that you’ve told us he’s done!?! Or hasn't done for that matter.” Liv exclaimed as she poured herself another glass of wine.
“So that's who was flying you out that summer?”
You simply nodded.
“Y/N…..”
“Look, I don't need the looks of pity. I’m fine, my son is fine and that's all that matters. We’re going to be okay with or without him.”
Blaire who had been quiet the entire time simply shook her head.
“I can always call my brothers to jump him.”
“NO, BLAIRE!”
“The offer still stands. Just say the word.” She replied while shrugging.
“I know how you three love his music so get the tickets and have fun. Me and Ace will be okay.”
“No. One band, one sound bitch. If you have beef with Jack Harlow, so do we.” Nadia said while crossing her arms. 
“Come to think of it… Ace does look an awful lot like him.”
“All I can do every day when we go out is pray that no one notices. I have to protect him and it’s sad that I actually have to do it from his father.”
It was around 7 PM when you had finished giving Ace a bath and had finished reading the book that he picked out earlier to him when he asked to call Jack.
“Can we call daddy now?” He asked looking up at you hopeful and all you did was give him a small smile.
“Of course we can.”
You grabbed your phone and attempted to call Jack on facetime while handing it to Ace.
All it did was continuously ring and you saw the pout on Ace’s face become more pronounced.
“Maybe, he’s just busy, bubs.” You quietly said before you took your phone back and the look of disappointment across his face broke your heart.
“He’s always busy, mommy.”
“But, at least you get to spend the day with him tomorrow! That’s something to be excited about. Do you have any idea about what you want to do?”
Jack had begged you to come and get him tomorrow to make up for not taking him to the basketball game with him and as much as you felt that he was going to go back on his word, but you were willing to give him another chance. But the chances were slowly running out.
“No, I’m just sleepy.”
“Okay, let’s get tucked in so we can sleep.”
Once you had gotten Ace settled, you went into your room and logged onto your banking app to see that Jack in fact did send you the money to pay for daycare and you let out a sigh of relief that you didn’t realize that you had been holding. 
Ten minutes later, you got a text from him.
Jack- I’ll come and get him tomorrow. Be there around nine. 
Hopefully this was a way for him to redeem himself for not showing up the other day and prayed that he would follow through. 
You were tired of seeing your child disappointed. 
The next morning after getting Ace ready, Clay came to get him and you would say that you were surprised that it wasn’t Jack, but that would be a lie. Ace was still excited to see Clay, so the last thing you wanted to do was upset him. You got to have a full day to yourself which you hadn’t had in a while.
Your time was spent going to the mall, seeing a movie, and even going to your favorite restaurant by yourself.
You made sure to soak this all in because you didn’t know the next time that you would be able to get another opportunity to do this and spend your time and money on yourself.
It was around 5 PM when Clay dropped off Ace who you could tell was still on a sugar high since he was running around the apartment and not able to keep still for three minutes when you got on the topic of Clay’s brother since you knew that it was inevitable. 
"Clay, I have given him chance after chance to do right by him and he literally disappoints me and him every time." 
"I know and I'm…."
"No. Do not apologize for him. If he could have just seen his face when he promised to come and get him to go to the game with all of you and to have a cooking date and he didn't show. Like my baby was bawling with tears running down his face and asked me does daddy even love me? Clay my heart can't take too much more of this. This has been going on for way longer than it should have. My son is my entire world and he deserves a father in his life that wants to be consistent and be there for him. I don't think Jack will ever get there." 
"So I guess I shouldn't tell you that he still hasn't told our parents about you or Ace?" Clay asked while scratching the back of his neck.
You then looked at Clay in disbelief as Ace came up on your left side and lifted his hands up to indicate he wanted to be picked up by you or his uncle and Clay quickly did. 
"Your brother is just full of surprises isn't he? You're more of a father to him than he is."
"Reality hasn't hit him yet."
"It doesn't take three years. It's just crazy how you were the only one who welcomed him with open arms, but then again you had already saw the DNA results so you had no choice but to believe me. I guess Jack never thought in his wildest dreams he would sleep with a cam girl and end up with a kid."
Just then your phone went off indicating a text from the man of the hour.
Jack- Y/N, I know you're mad at me but I promise to get him next time.
You- Don't even worry about it. Once again your little brother is stepping up and doing what you should have done. So much that he actually called him dad the other day. Think about that.
You saw Jack would start texting and then stop indicating that he didn't have a good comeback for that one.
How could he?
It had been a quick slip up a few weeks ago by Ace, but Clay simply brushed it off and thought nothing of it. You remembered him saying to Ace, ‘Well we do look alike, don’t we?’ And he quickly agreed.
And just then your phone went off indicating Jack was calling you.
"What?" You asked as you rolled your eyes.
"I'll be outside in 20 minutes and I want to see my son."
Once you hung up, Clay turned to you and asked you what he said.
“He said that he wants to see him, but my thing is that if you really did want to see him then you would have gotten him earlier. The last thing he better do when he comes in here is make a scene.”
Twenty minutes didn’t even pass before you heard knocking on the front door and you immediately rolled your eyes before getting up to answer it.
Once you did, Jack was clearly annoyed and was looking right past you to see where Ace was.
“Where’s my son?”
“Oh, so now he’s your son? Are there certain days of the week that you claim him or?”
“Y/N, I’m not doing this with you right now, where is Ace?”
“He’s with your brother in the kitchen if you must know and you better not go in there and make him upset.”
“Now, why would I make him upset?”
“I don’t know, you tell me. Since all he knows you’re good for is disappointing him.”
Jack didn’t even bother to respond as he walked past you to come face to face with Clay playing with Ace.
Once Ace saw him, he quickly ran to hide behind Clay.
“Bubs, it’s me, daddy. No reason to be scared.”
All Ace did was peek out behind Clay’s leg who was trying to also tell him that it was okay.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t come and get you today, but I promise that I will next time.”
This led to Ace shaking his head no and holding onto Clay’s leg tighter.
“Ace, what’s the matter?” Jack asked seeing as Ace had never acted this way towards him before.
“Daddy, you forgot about me….. Again.”
“I… I didn’t forget. Daddy’s just been really busy, but I’m here now.”
“Maybe if you actually showed up when you were supposed to this wouldn’t be happening.” Clay snapped at Jack as Ace quickly ran to you and you picked him up as he hid in the crook of your neck.
“Clay, I already get it enough from Y/N, I don’t need to hear it from you too.”
“Well obviously you do, because hearing it from one person obviously isn’t enough! Now, why is your kid calling me daddy? Oh, right. Because his real dad actually ignores him.” Clay said while raising his voice at his older brother.
“I DON’T IGNORE MY SON!”
“WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU ACTUALLY SPENT TIME WITH HIM? I’VE SEEN HIM MORE TIMES SINCE HE’S BEEN ALIVE THAN YOU HAVE!”
At their heated exchange, Ace began to cry and you knew that you needed to put a stop to this immediately.
“Okay, you two, we’re done. Jack, get out.”
“If I leave, I’m taking Ace with me.”
“You are not taking MY son anywhere. Can’t you see how upset you made him? And I told you once you step foot in here not to upset him and you did the exact opposite. Just leave. You've done enough.”
Jack had let out a frustrated sigh as he was contemplating his next move. He stepped towards you, but was immediately blocked by Clay stepping in front of you.
“Just do what she asked you to do and leave.”
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399 notes · View notes
billybob598 · 9 months
Text
Scary Crashes (Katie McCabe x Reader)
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2 fics in 1 day I'm literally so awesome. Also, sorry for the shit title I couldn't think of anything else sooo, just ignore that bit. Remember, any feedback good or bad is welcomed! As always, have fun reading!
Word Count: 1K (Kinda short but who cares)
“This is gonna be so much fun!” Katie exclaims as she walks alongside you in the paddock. You chuckle at her excitement.
“Yeah, it’s going to be great babe,” you say before stopping to take some photos with fans. You were a driver with Ferrari and while it had been a tough season, you were confident heading into Silverstone this weekend. What made it even better is that Katie, your girlfriend, was attending. She had come to a couple of races, but it always made you feel better to have her there.
The weekend had been tough, free practice had been okay and you were out-qualified by your teammate, Charles. Katie watched excitedly from the garage as the race got underway. The race had been terrible, Ferrari in complete Ferrari style had fucked up your strategy,
“No! Guys, we can’t keep doing this. Fuck! Mate, this has gone from bad to an absolute shithole of a race,” you say over the radio.
As it gets closer and closer to the chequered flag, you try your very best to make some places back up. After your pit stop you came out P13, but you were able to crawl back up to P8. You tried multiple times to get past Pierre Gasly’s Alpine in P7 but to no avail. You were starting to get frustrated,
“He’s driving a bit dangerously, no? Did you see him do the double move on the straight?”
“Yep, we saw it. Just keep focused Y/N, you’ll get him,” your engineer says back to you.
On the next lap, you get a good exit out of Woodcote and use the slipstream to your advantage as you guys head into Copse. Gasly defends the inside so, you decide to try around the outside. Katie holds her breath as she watches on the TV. One second you’re thinking you’ve got him on the outside, the next you’re spinning around as gravel spills into the cockpit. At first, you think you’ve just span out and that you’re probably beached in the gravel trap. That is until you smash into the tyre barrier at over 200km/h. All the air gets pressed out of your lungs when you hit the wall with over 50G’s. Immediately after you hit, you black out.
Everyone inside the Ferrari garage is scrambling, trying to see if you’re okay or not. Your engineer is getting no response over the radio. All the cameras on the car had been broken. Katie was full-on panicking. As the team tried to see if you were okay, Katie couldn’t help but fear for the worst, especially when the ambulance had to come. 
You wake up when someone starts to shake your shoulders. Your eyes adjust to the light and when you look up you see a marshal standing over you asking if you’re okay. You give him a nod and thumbs up, before switching on the radio,
“You okay? Y/N, are you okay?” The engineer keeps repeating.
“Yeah, I’m okay. Ahhhhh fuck, everything kinda hurts though,” you answer.
“Yeah, just stay where you are, marshals are coming and so are some paramedics,”
“Okay, copy,”
It takes a couple of minutes for the marshals to get you out, but when they do you are met with thunderous applause from the crowds. Waving a hand to let them know you’re okay, Katie breathes a sigh of relief. She gets informed by your assistant that you are heading to the hospital for a check-up because it was quite the impact. Katie drives to the hospital as quickly as possible. She knows you’re more or less okay considering you were able to walk out of the car, but she needed to see you with her own eyes. The Irish woman asks the receptionist where you are quite urgently, maybe a little rudely, but she’s Katie McCabe what do you expect from her? When she’s shown to your room she’s informed that you are sleeping. So, she quietly tip-toes into the room and sees you laying there with a couple of machines hooked up to you. Deciding you should keep sleeping, she goes and asks the doctor about how you are. The doctor says that for the most part, you’re okay, your only injury being bruised ribs. He tells her that you're only going to be hooked up to the oxygen machine for a little bit, they just didn’t want to take any chances.
It’s a couple hours before you wake up and when you do you’re met with your girlfriend looking anxious. She has no idea you’re awake yet, so you slowly reach out for her hand and slip her fingers in between yours. Her head jerks up.
“Oh my God, Y/N. Jesus Christ you had me so scared there,” she says quickly. You point in the direction of the door, silently asking for her to go get the doctor so he could take the oxygen mask off. “Oh yeah, right of course. I’ll go get him.”
The doctor does a quick check-up on you before ultimately deciding that you were good to go. He releases you from the hospital, much to your happiness and Katie’s worry. When you guys get back to the hotel, Katie carries all your bags inside, even though you did offer multiple times. All night, Katie won’t let you do anything. Water? Brings multiple glasses of it. Hungry? Don’t worry, she’s got a plate stacked sky-high with food. In pain? She’ll force multiple painkillers down your throat. Some might find it overbearing, but you on the other hand found it endearing. Katie usually acted tough, but it was in moments like these that she shows just how caring and thoughtful she can be. 
“Are you good? Do you need anything else?” Katie asks.
“Nah, babe. I think I’m all good. Thank you for everything today,” you say gratefully.
“Of course, you scared me there Y/N,” she says the last part quietly. You drag her beside you on the bed.
“Yeah, sorry about that,” you say scratching the back of your neck.
“Never again Y/N, never again,” she says sternly. She grins at you before kissing you. 
As you fall asleep you can’t believe how lucky you are to have a girlfriend as awesome as yours.
474 notes · View notes
singingcicadas · 2 months
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Rodimus and making Necessary Sacrifices
The most famous one: blowing up Nyon
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Btw Megatron could totally have saved the people in Nyon if he wanted to; he knew about Zeta's plan beforehand. All he needed to do was give Hot Rod and the citizens an evacuation alert. But he didn't because he wanted to give Optimus a good emotional impact with all the deaths and who cares about the common lowlife anyway, all they're good for is getting bodily thrown at Zeta until his weapon overloads from draining too many people.
Kimia station in Chaos Theory:
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Red text bubble is Optimus. He doesn't wait for Optimus to agree before directly giving Omega Supreme orders to shoot Kimia down.
Reaction after confirming that Doubledealer is a traitor:
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Using Rung as bait for the sparkeater:
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The last two panels also gives us something on how he views (his own) authority. Because while he's always held a position of authority in high command, the high command is still a council. On the ship his authority is absolute.
The next three scenarios form a pattern. It always starts with Rodimus telling someone to kill a comrade, the person tasked with the killing goes 'what I don't want to do that', and Rodimus tones down the order from death to wound.
Ordering Rewind and Swerve to shoot at Fort Max:
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Ordering Swerve to hurt Ore:
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Ordering Cyclonus to shoot Brainstorm:
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Each of these scenarios is in response to a critical situation. Rodimus' first orders of 'aim to kill' are, while extreme, not disproportionate to the level of threat presented. They're within reason and authority. And ceding from kill to wound when protested is proof that he doesn't not care. But it also shows that his first instinctual reaction towards threats is to kill first ask questions later, even if the threat used to be his friend, comrade, or compatriot, he's able to weigh the lives on a scale and make that hard decision. He's also the type of person who's very comfortable with taking the fates other people into his own hands and deciding whether they should live or die (which is why him choosing to spare Getaway after retaking the Lost Light is a sign of character growth).
His characterization is fairly consistent throughout the comics, except for this:
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Everything in Spotlight Hot Rod goes against his later presentations. In his spotlight he's said to repeatedly beat himself up over one failed mission and is averse to taking responsibility towards other people for fear that he'd get them killed but in later issues he has No Problems doing exactly that. He displays no preferences for 'going solo' aside from the mission to retrieve the matrix and that's because everyone else kicked him out. When he wanted to leave on the Lost Light he made speeches to convince other people to join him despite the fact the Autobots were already outnumbered on Cybertron and taking people away would make their situation worse. Whenever he went anywhere in mtmte he assembled a team to accompany him.
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This scene especially contradicts Spotlight Hot Rod in every single way. The only consistent aspect of his character is the recklessness. He forces Optimus to authorize a rescue mission, of which he declares himself the team leader, ignores Optimus' caution about keeping it clandestine and tells everyone to barge through the front door, shuts Ironhide's objections down by pulling rank, then falls into a trap and gets Ironhide killed. Mission failed too obviously, they only got Prowl out. Optimus takes responsibility for the failure and surrenders to the humans, of which Rodimus' response is: "he freaked out because he couldn't hack it" and promptly also proceeds to drop everything and leave because yay there's no one to keep me on this stupid planet anymore and whoever wants to can come with. Where. is the guilt.
That and the whole fiasco with Swindle and Menasor were probably Rodimus' worst moments lol. Overall he's the type of leader good with stressful trolley problems but bad at considering the larger or long-term implications of his actions. His flippancy towards life and death and tendency to solve problems with the bluntest approach bleeds heavily into his leadership decisions and... just how his character is in general. Thank goodness there's only one of Drift and he's gone for most of the Lost Light voyage, Rodimus really doesn't work well with too many yes-men hanging around.
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beybaldes · 9 months
Text
i'd go back in time and change it, but I can't
summer sleepover masterlist
jamie tartt x gn!reader
summary : “why are you avoiding me?”
content warning : Jamie’s history of being a prick and cheater??, angst because idk blame the economy, hurt with super delayed comfort for reader, hurt with no comfort for Jamie, brief mention of Roy x reader but it has no impact on the story, bestfriend!colin because he’s my fave. I change the timeline. A bit to fit the plot.
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The first time you show your face at Nelson road again is when your hear the news of Jamie’s recall to Manchester City. He’s halfway across the country, and the boys were your friends first, so it’s weird to say you feel like you’re allowed to finally go back there.
When Jamie had called your relationship quits by fucking someone else in your apartment, in your bed, you knew you had to get away. You quit your job at the dog track, moved in with your favourite auntie and fucked Roy 3, or 4, or 12 times on the basis of ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend.’ Altogether, it made for quite a good method at getting over Jamie.
Unfortunately, that method also included leaving everyone else at Nelson road behind.
The only person made aware of your departure had been Higgins, but only because he had to file the paperwork and send over your transfer form to the new company you’d been working for - everyone else was left in the dark until Colin came storming into the changing room on the following Monday morning.
“What did you do?” All heads turned to face Colin as he slammed open the doors, ignoring the concerned stares of his peers as his only focus was on Jamie.
“I want to say I don’t know, but I get the idea that’s not the answer you’re looking for.” Jamie’s mask broke for a second when he saw the genuine anger and upset in Colin’s eyes. They reminded him all too much of yours from only nights before. “But I’ve definitely not done anything to piss the likes of you off, mate.”
“I don’t know, boyo, I’d say cheating on your partner and forcing them to leave Richmond is enough to get a fella rilled up.” Venom laced every word that came from Colin’s mouth, and for a brief moment Jamie considered never pushing his buttons again incase this was the reaction he got.
“You fucking what?” Roy seethed, his head turning to face the Welshman from his seat on the changing room bench.
“Went to pick them up to come to work this morning and there was a ‘for sale’ sign outside their apartment. I spoke to Higgins about it when I got here and he said that they handed in transfer papers Friday night.”
“Transfer papers to where?” Roy asked, slowing rising from his place on the bench and moving to stand next to Colin, glaring at Jamie with just as much disgust.
“I don’t know! He won’t tell me.”
Jamie could feel every single pair of eyes in the changing room on him. He’d never once considered that you were at Richmond before he was. He’d never had to consider that before. Wherever he went he was Jamie Fucking Tartt, and that meant nothing else mattered; until now. Every person in this room had been your friend first, and it was highly likely they had liked you more then they’d liked him - especially considering he was a total prick, all of the time.
“Is this true?” Roy asked, and Jamie couldn’t place why. It was not like Roy had ever cared about your relationship when the two of you were together, so why care now?
All Jamie knew how to be was a prick, so a prick he was going to be. “What’s it to you, old man? You can finally fuck them, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“You fucking prick.”
Both Roy and Colin had lunged for him, and if it wasn’t for the fact the team needed his right foot, he wasn’t sure that Isaac, Jan Mass and Richard would’ve intervened. The three fought to hold the two back from throwing punches and kicks in Jamie’s direction and for a moment he considered letting them loose.
He deserved it, that was the one thing in this whole mess that he was sure of. If news had hit the changing rooms, it was only time before news hit the tabloid of his inability to keep it in his pants and who his new flavour of the week was. That meant it was only time before his dads contact lit up his phone screen with a two line message;
‘proud of you son, don’t let that whore keep you tied down. never do, us tartt’s.’
The disgust is coating is skin like dirt; he can feel you underneath his finger nails and he can smell you in his bed sheets, and he feels like he’s never going to be clean again. Definitely not when he knows everyone here is going to hate him a little bit more and his dad is going to say he’s proud of him.
The obvious decision to a hurt Jamie, then and there, is that if everyone is going to hate him anyway, he may as well give them justified reasons to. “You ever consider that the prick wants you to be mad at me? Huh? Why else would they ask you to pick them up from work today when they’ve already gone, yeah?” Jamie calls out to Roy and Colin as they are dragged away from the changing rooms. Jan’s hold on Colin lessens as Roy becomes more volatile and angry at Jamie’s words, allowing Colin to slip from his hold and cross back across the room, pressing a finger firmly into Jamie’s chest.
“Not that you ever cared enough about them to notice, but I’ve picked them up every morning for the past 3 years - long before you ever came here and long after too, if you hadn’t fucked everything up.” Jamie can feel his heart beating louder and louder with each word that’s punctuated with a jab to his chest. Roy’s calmed down, but only because his anger has melted into disappointment, and Jamie wishes he would just get angry again because he can’t stand the silence right now. “Quite literally too.”
“You fucking Welsh prick.” Jamie finds himself lunging at Colin and the changing room descends into chaos once more.
Your name had not dared even been thought in the changing room since, well, at least until today.
“Hey there darling, you looking for the press junket?” Ted lasso was standing behind you with his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans. His face softened when he took in the nervous demeanour; your eyebrows pinched, shoulders tense and hands wringing each other out. “Or are you here to see someone?”
“I’m here to see everyone, um, mainly Colin and Roy. To be totally honest, I’m a little nervous.”
“And why’s that?”
“I didn’t really say goodbye, I’m afraid they won’t want to see me again.” You weren’t entirely sure why you were spilling your heart out to someone you’d just met, but something about ted told you it was perfectly okay - the right thing to do, even.
“Well, if I know anything about those two - and I’d like to say I know a little - they are stubborn.” Your nervous demeanour had immediately returned, for the worse, and you couldn’t shake the fact this was a bad idea. “But, they care fiercely about the people they love. They won’t be mad, okay maybe a little at first, but the love they have for you will overcome it, even if it takes some time.”
“You’re right, I should just-“
Roy Kent was whispering your name so quietly under his breath that you’d have thought he was scared you’d shatter. And despite his hushed tone, the whole changing room had been silenced by it.
Colin repeated your name, louder then Roy had, and sprung from his seat, crossing the room in 3 long strides and standing at Roy’s side breathless. “You’re here.”
Ted had been right so far, no one had been openly mad at you: Colin looked like he wanted to wrap you up in a hug, and Roy, well, Roy looked like he wasn’t going to hit you which you took as a good sign.
“I’m here.”
You have two pairs of arms wrapping around you before you can get another word out and it’s like you’ve never left Richmond. Ted retreats into the coaches office and calls on Nate to catch him up to speed on what was happening and who you were; his jaw tightens and he wishes he had been able to get through to Jamie better but he knows that it’s too late now he’s back in Manchester.
Transfer papers are brought to Higgins office and he drags you up to see Rebecca, who greets you with a smile, your old job back, and an introduction to Keeley - the both of you immediately bonding over Jamie’s shitty behaviour while you’d dated and your love for Rebecca.
The rest of the season and summer passed by in a blur of good friends, good drinks and good times. Jamie didn’t cross your mind once and if it weren’t for the Mancunian shaped hole in your heart, then you would’ve forgotten he’d ever even been part of your life. Someone like Jamie wasn’t so easy to forget.
When August finally rolled around and the new season was starting up, you were extremely surprised to hear murmurs of Jamie coming back to Richmond.
In an instant the entire life you’d rebuilt from the ground up in Richmond had crumbled, and you were throwing clothes in bags and typing out a text to your aunt. Something landed in your bag with a crack and the reality of it all came crashing down on you. You uprooted your life for Jamie once, you weren’t going to do it twice.
When you showed up to work the next day Jamie was there and you walked right past him - and continued to walk right past him everyday for the first three months of his return to Richmond. Come Christmas, even Colin was trying to convince you to forgive Jamie, promising that he truly had changed and that he was finally someone worth knowing. Despite all your love for Colin, you couldn’t find it in you to forgive him. At least Roy was still on your side.
“He’d the prince prick of all pricks. People like him don’t change.”
And yet, everyone else seemed to think he had. Even Keeley, who’d been hurt by Jamie in the most similar way to you, had forgiven him and reformed a friendship with him. But you still couldn’t find it in you to do the same.
It had bothered Jamie to no end. He’d come back from Manchester desperate to be a new man, and while he knew that it would be hard, he was prepared for that. What he hadn’t been prepared for was seeing your face around Nelson road again. He avoided you at first, figuring you wouldn’t want to see him as much as he wanted to see you, and decided he’d wait for others to start warming to him first before he tried to talk to you again. People had warmed to him while the summer heat still filled the concrete floors of the stadium, and now the snow outside only reminded him of you.
He couldn’t place why you wouldn’t acknowledge him (as though breaking your heart wasn’t reason enough) because he was sure everything he did, every breath he took and every word he said since returning to the dog track had been a cry: ‘I’VE CHANGED, I’VE CHANGED, PLEASE NOTICE I’M NOT THE SAME PERSON I USED TO BE, I CAN BE BETTER, I AM TRYING TO BE BETTER.’
It all came to a head the last day at the dog track before the Christmas holidays. Practically everyone else had cleared out of the building, and with no upcoming football matches, had made a head start on going back home for the holidays. Jamie dragged his kitbag into the hallway and was surprised to find you at the water fountain, talking in whispers with Roy about something he couldn’t quite hear. He didn’t dwell on it, waiting for Roy to leave before making his presence known.
“Why are you avoiding me?”
Jamie made his presence know with his voice, startling you and causing you to restart filling up your water bottle. It was the same one you used when you were with him, he noted. “Fucking Christ Jamie, what happened to hello? How are you?”
“Hello would’ve been more appropriate 4 months ago when I came back, wouldn’t it?” Jamie kicked the tips of his shoes against the floor, finding a speck of dirt to focus on instead of your face. “But every time I try and say it to you, you run the other way. Thought I’d try a more direct approach.”
“By asking me a question you already know the answer to?”
“That’s the thing.” Jamie sighed, running his hands through his hair and absentmindedly making you think about him with that loving gaze you’d had when you were together. A part of you screamed he was different now, a louder, more insecure, part told you that he would always be capable of hurting you like that again. “I don’t understand why you’re avoiding me.”
The louder part was right, and so was Roy, people like Jamie don’t change. Even when you hope and pray and want them to. They just don’t change. “Un-fucking-believable.” You scoffed, folding your arms defensively across your chest. “You ever considered that it hurt when you cheated on me? That it absolutely ruined me?”
“But that was ages ago.” It wasn’t that Jamie was being a dick, he just truly didn’t understand. He was trying to change and he thought that was enough. Of course he regretted what he did, but the past was the past, and he wasn’t sure what he could do to fix that now it was behind him. “And I’m sorry that I did it, but I can’t change it. I would, if I could, but I can’t. So why can’t we be friends again?”
“Because accountability matters, Jamie.” The words felt like a dagger to his chest. He’d heard them before, in an all too similar context, and his heart was aching like you’d walked in on him in your apartment that night. He couldn’t tell you why he did what he did, and he knew that that was what you needed to hear the most - an apology and an explanation. Jamie knew he could only ever give you one, and that that would never be enough to fix the damage he’d done. “And you don’t get to fuck someone else, break my heart and then be my friend again. It just doesn’t work like that.”
You packed up your bottle into your bag, zipped up your coat and pulled your scarf tighter around your neck. “Don’t try and be my friend when we come back in the new year. Have a good Christmas Jamie.” And just like that, you’d slipped through his fingers again.
an : sorry there was such a delay in fics my lovelies, I’ve had a very busy week starting my new job (!!!!!!) and starting rugby training again now the season has begun (!!!!!!!) here’s a fic! More to come! Possible part 2 to this too? What do we think? Love you all! mwah <3333
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deargodhelpmeaaa · 1 month
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A comparison between Berdly and Papyrus.
Papyrus and Berdly both are over the top, emotional, egocentric characters, and have many simularities, but also many differences, and that's what I want to talk about today.
The first is that that Papyrus wants people to love him, but values himself a lot and wants to leave meaningful impacts on the lives of other people. He believes in himself and his abilities despite everything going against him.
Berdly, too wants to be loved, but he does not value himself and tries to act smart because he believes that if people see him as intelligent, they will value him. Without his intelligence, however, there is nothing to value. He does not believe in himself, and even after all the studying he does, he still doesn't even consider himself as intelligent.
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That being said, Papyurs also might be putting up a facade. For instance, he will change his opinions on things sometimes to get people to like him more, as seen in this phone call dialogue:
"Papyrus: GRILLBY'S? WE'RE TOO REFINED FOR THAT GREASEHOLE. Undyne: WOAH, if you go, you HAVE to try the cheese fries. Undyne: They're AMAZINGLY bad for you!! Undyne: Oh, sorry, Papyrus, were you saying something? Papyrus: JUST MONOLOGUING ABOUT MY LOVE FOR GREASE!!!"
Which is very much so a symptom of someone who puts up a facade, meaning that if he had been congratulated for something he considered a part of his intelligence, could Papyrus start acting like Berdly?
No. I don't really think he would. Papyrus is sweet. He'd probably be more encouraging of others to get smarter, too. I think he'd help everyone be smart, instead of trying to put himself on top like Berdly does. Like, yeah, he might say like "One of these days you'll be as smart as The Great Papyrus himself!" or some shit. This is because Papyrus opens his heart for everyone. He has faith in everyone, and this facet of his character can be seen in his neutral ending and death.
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Papyrus works hard to be what he is and understands the value of self improvement. He has some genuine talents, too! Berdly works hard, too, but doesn't see himself improving at all. He sees himself as just inherently worse and more forgettable than everyone else, crumbling at the forces working against him.
This is why he gets so excited about Susie, when he's told that he can make mistakes, taking it as that he should be stop trying to be smart all together.
Still, he doesn't value himself, taking her and Lancer's words as that he should reject pretending to be what he's not, and instead be what he thinks he truly is: stupid.
Both characters have an inferiority complex: Papyrus gets less attention than his brother, Sans, and Berdly saw himself as being "forgettable" prior to winning the spelling bee, and also acknowledges that he isn't as smart as he acts like, and that Noelle is "the real smart kid."
Both characters lack friends, and are bad at picking up on social cues.
Both characters get tricked or manipulated (Papyrus by Flowey and Berdly by Queen).
Both are brave.
Papyrus is loved, however the people who love him (Undyne and Sans) coddle him, and he's kind of treated like an idiot. Berdly's situation is kind of the opposite.
Berdly is not loved by anyone, and doesn't really know what it is even like to be loved, and it gets to the point that he mistakes any form of affection for romantic affection. This can be seen in how he assumes Noelle has a crush on him, his random crush on Susie that lasts until the end of the chapter, or how he thinks Kris is hitting on him when you check up on him after the Queen bossfight.
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This can be seen most vividly when the major turning point in his life is being congratulated by his peers for winning a spelling bee.
His relationship with Queen seems to parallel his relationship with his yet to be seen mother, as he is ignored, unloved, and seen as annoying. So, of course he has a low self worth, and of course he tries to pretend to be something he's not to get the love he craves, because without his smarts, what is he?
His closest friends are Kris and Noelle. He talks down to Kris constantly, as a means of showing off to them and proving himself as their better. He does care about and enjoy their company, and they seem to like him enough to want to play videogames with him, and are clearly upset by his death. Noelle is not that close to him, but sees the best in him, and while she finds him annoying, she still cares about him.
I also think that their friendship might not last? He actually thinks of a theoretical life without her in the future, stating, with finality:
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Berdly also indicates that he really adores Noelle.
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He doesn't just love her because she's his only friend. He doesn't just love her because she's the one helping him with his studies. He just loves her for who she is. He cares about her deeply, but he understands that their friendship won't last forever, or at least he thinks that it won't. Poor thing.
It may be because he has little to no support system that Berdly is a lot less willing to see the best in others, and more apt to try and prove himself as their better, as he does with Kris. Papyrus on the other hand, has a better support system, even if he is coddled (especially by Undyne).
Both characters are able to pick up on when there's something off about someone, but Berdly's course of action, seeing as how he doesn't look for the best in others like Papyrus does, is a bit different. He actually takes a stand against the player when he sees them acting strange.
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The player, who mind you, is controlling one of his only friends.
This being said, Berdly is still NAIIVE AS FUCK. His reasoning for attacking Kris there was because they were hurting Noelle, who he values deeply, and wants to protect. That's one of his goals in chapter 2: protect Noelle. If you were trying to reach out to him, appeal to his interests and prove yourself as worthy of his admiration, yes, of course he'd agree to do any stupid or terrible thing you told him to do. He'd look past your obvious faults in that situation because he's just that desperate to be loved. He is VERY easy to manipulate and we see this in his relationship with Queen.
In the Snowgrave route situation that leads to his possible death, though, he can't look past your faults. They're right on display for him. He doesn't care that this person is someone he thought of as a friend. Someone he knows and adores is in danger, and he's going to do what he can to protect her.
Papyrus is different. He wants to help you. That's his goal. He just sees the best in you, and wants you to change. He reaches out to help you be better. He wants you to be better because he has faith in you! All of this, after seeing that you have already been hurting other people.
So, both are aware you hurt someone, but both approach the situation differently, because both are fundamentally different characters. In both Berdly's death scene and Papyrus's, we see that they want to help their friend: Berdly wants to protect her, Papyrus wants them to change their ways. Berdly doesn't care about you changing your ways at all. He sees you hurt someone he loves, and he acts. Papyrus sees you hurt people he loves (potential friends/ monsterkind) and he acts.
There's a lot else I could talk about here, but I think you get the idea. Feel free to add onto this or correct me on anything I may have gotten wrong ^^
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wrotelovelytears · 11 months
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Nymph on the track
Literally don't know what I'm doing
‍♀️The 22° does represent a type of death (and y'all can cry about it). Death isn't always the leaving of the physical plane, it could be the active suppression of something that leaves one feeling not complete/whole.
🐍I have this degree on my Moon, and when I tell you people constantly try to make me suppress my emotions AND when I actively do so I don't feel as complete as when I'm being my normally expressive self. It feels like part of me is gone not that I'm physically gone.
‍♀️As someone with a Jupiter in my first house I have no idea where people got this happy go lucky idea from. I've been told countless times I'm more of a realist or even a pessimist at times. And no my Jupiter doesn't have a ton of negative aspects (there's more positive ones).
🐍I believe Jupiter First house is more of a sign of hyper awareness of self (hence the realism) not ignorance.
🐍I am very aware of my limits and literally will not push myself if I know something is pointless.
‍♀️ I've been stuck in a Saturn ruled year/pattern for the past two years and in two years I'll be starting my Saturn return. I no longer like the number two
‍♀️This applies to the doms/venuses of these modialites Cardinals attract people in the same age range. Fixed attract people older. Mutable attract younger.
‍♀️As a Venue square Ascedant I can tell you now, I love the way I look until someone says something negative then I'm mad the rest of the day. In vice versa if someone says something positive that makes my whole day.
‍♀️I've also notice I get a lot of stares outside (regardless of what I wear), yes my Venus is in the 10th house, that might play a larger role in why others perceptions of me impact me so much.
‍♀️Pluto makes people really blunt and forward with you.
‍♀️Just because one has fame degrees it doesn't mean you'll actually be famous. Depending on the signs/planets/houses it's found in
‍♀️Aqua first house traits: Being called "UniQUe", Major rbf, diamond shaped head (yes you got a big head), coming off different than others in the room (if everyone is bubbly, you mean;if everyone is mean, you bubbly), calling people out then being upset about getting attention
‍♀️Aquarius placements might like the whole "-core" idea a lot. I have no idea why (it's literally just regular traits and interests being turned into a personality but that's just me)
‍♀️Having all three modalities in your big three can show you have great intuition. However your mars sign impacts how much you use said intuition.
⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙
‍♀️Sun and Neptune are to intuition while Uranus and Mars are to expedition
‍♀️Despite an empty 11th house I tend to care too much about friends. Then I realized I have a 7th house Mars and North Node, therefore relationships are the focal point of my life. So no the 11th house isn't about friendships completely it's about your broad socialization.
‍‍♀️Having a first and seventh house stellium make you an ambivert. You wanna be around others but on your own terms.
‍♀️7th house NN is completely about using relationships to shape yourself into your best version. It's about experiencing all the social parts of life and learning the lessons that come with it.
‍♀️I might be biased but I've never met a Taurus I (out right) hated. I vibe so well with them (unless they start acting goofy).
‍♀️Having Neptune and Venus heavily impact you can make you idealistic, fluid, and
‍♀️Saturn is the most ghetto planet. I have nothing else to say in this.
‍♀️Heavy Pluto influence makes one seek out others reactions. Not that they're insecure they just love attention (don't even lie about it).
‍♀️That also applies to Scorpios, they do shit just for a reaction. The only case it might be out of some form of insecurity is if paired with Aquarius or Leo.
𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠. . .
‍♀️As Pluto transits Aquarius we might see more people diagnosed with nerve problems and long term illness.
‍♀️Another thing about Pluto in Aqua is the increase in cultish behavior/ organizations, terrorist attacks, and standoffish actions. Like I've seen people become real... racist, classist, sexist etc. Almost like all the behaviors we agreed were gross are now okay.
‍♀️North Node in Aries isn't helping with the lack of sociability. I wouldn't be surprised if people started being more individualistic to the point of isolation.
‍♀️Geminis got big ass ears (better to hear everyone's business with)
‍♀️Gemini kids may be vocal a lot sooner than their peers
🐍May also be more curious than other children
‍♀️Sag kids might really like fixed sign adults. Sag adults on the other hand...
‍♀️I mentioned a lot of Scorpios/Pluto doms may work well/with kids but I've noticed the sister sign Taurus might do just as well and work with kids too.
‍♀️Gemini adults are great with babies/toddlers, older kids not so much (because of similarities in disposition)
⋘ ... ⋙
‍♀️I've seen a lot of memes about kids "suddenly being aware of their surroundings" and the most notable ages that come up are 3,4 and 5 year olds. The magical astrology thing that happens around that age is your first Saturn square. That's why you'll see those kids asking a lot more why and essential questions
‍♀️Y'all gonna be mad, but the Sag/Gemini axis has more.... "familiar" issues than the Cap/Cancer one. I'm sorry I don't make the rules.
‍♀️I'm sorry but having a 5th house stellium is not an indicator of creativity. I've met and seen quite a few that couldn't draw a fucking line if you gave them an outline. They tend to be more gifted in whatever the sign is over their fifth house rather than "creativity" in general.
🐍My mom has a fifth house stellium but can't draw, color OR paint (despite taking plenty of art classes) to save her life. Yet she is an extremely good person with health based and routine problems (isn't a doctor but can easily tell you something a doctor would).
‍♀️The fifth house really can tell your preferences. I don't just mean "intellectual" or "sympathetic", it could also talk about the appearance and disposition of individuals as well.
🐍Gemini over the 5th can indicate the preference for androgynous (presentation, gender, energy) folks. That could be someone who dates gnc/non binary people more than cis or aligned trans folk. Or be with people who don't conform to gender roles (in a societal sense) by having equal masculine and feminine traits.
⋘ ᴛʀʏ ʟᴀᴛᴇʀ... ⋙
‍♀️I've been wondering when people were going to stop (over) hyping the K *insert literally anything* industry. And I realized it won't be until Neptune is out of Pisces. I made a post a hot minute ago about Korea being specifically the arts being linked to Neptune. And seeing that Neptune in Pisces high key started the globalization (the idea even) of many Korean based arts, it's not going to chill out until Neptune dances its way into Aries.
‍♀️Speaking of Neptune in Aries, we can expect a drastic change in media, the likes and overall expectations of the entertainment industry (that includes physical and digital artists as well). Since more "warish" "rough/hospitable" countries are ruled by Aries we could see the rise of heavy metal, folk (that includes heavy drumming not the more gentle one that's Cancer's domain), and loud, rough music.
🐍We would see a change from fantastical beauty being the standard to people who look like they've seen some shit. There would definitely be a decrease in cosmetic surgery HOWEVER it might also be an increase in steroid usage (everyone wants to look strong).
🐍We could also see more wars, aggression and overthrows during this time. The last time Neptune was in Aries was the mid 1800s. That was a time of government overthrowing, revolts around racial/ethnic inequality (Haitian Revolution, Civil War, Qing dynasty getting jumped, etc etc).
🐍We might actually see true differences made in the world due to this shift.
‍♀️I haven't really seen people talk about Uranus since last year so I just wanted to talk more about what this Taurus and future Gemini transit means.
🐍We have already seen banks and economies crashing. It's only been a few months of Uranus in Taurus and financial stability is looking like a whole joke. While this may not seem big to some or others may be looking forward to this, it's a very big cautionary sign. Since the world does rely on paper/coin currency having banks and whole economies flat line doesn't just mean we'll have some communist revolution, it means we'll have to quickly adapt to a skill base trade or watch the world go up in flames. We could see more wars, famines and disease due to this. I haven't seen anyone touch on the increasing tensions in the world due to the high inflation rates. Yes I mentioned more wars in the Neptune observation but with it corresponding with the current economic instability, yeah. We do have to learn trade/life skills because other things are becoming obsolete.
🐍Another Uranus in Taurus observation is the increased use in technology. You might be confused why this is being mentioned with Uranus and not Pluto, but I'll explain. Taurus is linked to stability and comfort (very similar to the 2nd house), and due to the ease technology gives many folks, it's not surprising we see more and more being used. This leans more into Uranus in Gemini, but AI technology will (for better or worse) become integrated into everyday life. That means communication will change drastically because teachers most likely won't be mostly humans but AI and robotic. Many languages might end up fully dying out by the time Gemini Uranus comes around because no one will be writing and verbalizing them anymore. In the near future I can already tell people will get more lazy in certain aspects leading to a decline in creativity and diversity. Because why should I have to think harder and be uncomfortable when there are things available to do that for me. We could see the rise of more mega cities (think Tokyo) due to human population clustering in certain areas and leaving others. Honestly the thing I can see happening and kinda fear is lack in biodiversity leading to us just cloning to make up for life lost.
‍♀️I said in a previous observation that Aquarius is linked to Nuerodivergence and now I figured out how. It relates more to the "physically visible" ones. I'm taking Tourettes, Epilepsy and Alzheimer's.
(If you learned something new or would just like to support me you can leave a wittle tip via the tip button or one of the links in my masterlist. Kofi: nymphdreams🧸)
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mangowafflesss · 7 months
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Bandaged Fangs | Vampire!Medic!Reader x Gaz
Summary: You hide a big secret but what happens when a certain patient finds out that very secret.
CW: Blood (obviously), Poorly written smut cuz I'm BAD at it, unprotected sex, blood sucking/biting etc, Gaz fucks a vampire? idk bro nothing bad tbh...
Word Count: 3K+
Mythic Month HQ
★☠︎︎★☠︎︎★☠︎︎★☠︎︎★☠︎︎★☠︎︎★☠︎︎★☠︎︎★☠︎︎★☠︎︎★☠︎︎★☠︎︎★☠︎︎★
You were supposed to be out on the field right now but instead you stayed behind. Some other medic practically begged you to let them go, and who were you to say no to someone wanting to gain experience. You had been the team's medic for around eight months, you had run away from where you previously resided due to your secret getting out and you had to unfortunately dispose of them before leaving. 
You missed your home in Sweden but nevermind, mistakes happen and you weren't going to let that happen again. Whenever the guys asked about your past you always gave them vague answers which seemed to satisfy them until they invited you for drinks one time and bombarded you with questions. You couldn't get drunk anymore unfortunately, so your acting skills had to be put into fruition.  
Rubbing circles into your temple you sat leaned back in your office chair with your feet up on the desk with the lights off and blinds closed. Your head was pounding which would usually be strange to you but you knew exactly what was happening. 
You hadn't had any blood in a while so your need and desire for it was getting worse with every month you don’t consume any. It wasn't common for one to go for as long as you have and it was starting to show in your behaviour. 
You were snappier with your colleagues and the work you did on some of your patients was shoddy, it was disgusting to even call yourself a professional sometimes. 
You would go snack on the nearest blood bag but even in the comfort of your own office you can't seem to be alone for five seconds without someone wanting your attention. 
“What?!” you say in a rather frosty attitude as your door is wretched open by your movements. “We've got a few casualties coming in from a mission” Alison tells you with a fearful look in her eye. “Thank you, now go do something useful” you shut the door and let out a sigh as you let out your frustration on a nearby chair, the leg snapping upon impact. You don't know how you're going to explain that but that's something to worry about for another time. 
Right now you've got to get through this mess and retreat back to your office to deal with the monster of a headache you've got coming along. “Let's get this shit over with” you mumble under your breath before storming out of your office. 
Blood filled your nose and you felt a wave of nausea come over you. This wasn't good… you were really in dire need to feel the warmth of someone's blood trickle down your throat while they let out those cute little breaths under you. 
“Hey! You're standing in the way” your head turns to the voice and you give him a death glare as you turn and walk towards where there's a mass of soldiers waiting for medical attention.     
Your gums ached as you walked but you ignored it and threw yourself in your work, it's what you're here for anyway. 
Your eyes were met with the brown ones of Sergeant Garricks and your mouth started to water. You’ve had fantasies for months of tasting his blood, the scent alone sent you wild the first time you caught a whiff and ever since you've taken the opportunity to help him out with his injuries. Many of your colleagues think you've got a little crush on the brunette but they couldn't be so wrong. 
All you wanted was his blood.
He smiles when he sees you and walks over to you with his hand clamped around his arm. “Hey Angel, think you can fix me up with those wonderful hands of yours?” you steer him to a clear space away from everyone and also where no one else could see.
“I thought you said you wouldn’t get injured again?” you say while unwrapping whoevers attempt at first aid this is. You lick your lips when you see the glistening red hue of the blood that surrounds his arm. “What can I say, I'm a liar. I deserve to be punished for my lies” he jokes while dramatically holding his hand over his heart. The heart that's beating quite fast right now under your touch. 
You couldn't deny the fact you know the Sergeant has some sort of crush on you, it was obvious but you like to watch as he makes a fool of himself. Who knows, this may all work in your favour. 
“What would you like your punishment to be?” you ask as you clean his skin, the smell of the antiseptic makes the blood become unrecognisable under your senses which makes you snarl. 
“What do you have in mind for me Angel ” he asks innocently tilting his head to look you in the eyes but all you could make out was the lust in them. Leaning closer to his ear you're careful to not hurt his arm and get as close as you can.
“What's your deepest fear, sergeant?” you felt his heartbeat jump at how you say his rank which makes you smile into the side of his head. You stand straight again when he doesn’t answer you which makes you look at him just to see if he's still conscious.  
“Vampires.” he states blankly, which makes you stand there frozen while blinking at him like a fool. 
“Vampires? Did you hit your head today?” you laugh hiding the fact that you were on the verge of running out and never coming back. There's no way he knows… right? It was very random to bring up out of everything but perhaps he's being serious. 
“No, I’m completely fine up here” he knocks on his head and then flashes you his toothy smile which would make anyone swoon. “Would you make that happen though Angel?” he asks and you tilt your head while looking up from what you were doing “Make what happen?” 
“Dress up as a vampire for me” 
You almost choked on your spit at his words but by the look on his face he was being deadly serious without any hint of playfulness in him. “You could make that happen right?” 
“Sure…” you weren't really paying attention as you stuck out your tongue in concentration as you wrapped his arm. Once you were finished he hopped off the bed and brought you into a hug, your mouth was so close to his neck and his pulse was driving you crazy. You could smell him and your mind went into some sort of haze until you felt yourself being pulled away from the hug. His hands rested on your shoulders and he gave you a smile which you reciprocated for some unknown reason. 
“See you later then Angel, make sure you wear the teeth!” he shouts as he walks away and leaves you standing there confused as to what just happened.  
When you finally retreated back into your dark cave you like to call your office, you slumped in your chair and covered your face with your hands. Your day was terrible and mixed with the hunger you were experiencing you wanted to rip someone's head off. You oversaw a blood transfusion today and the ‘b-’ on the bag made you think of a certain someone. 
Brown eyes and those curls made you slam your fists onto your desk in frustration. Your conversation from earlier made you nervous but somewhat excited. You could finally, maybe, get your fix for his blood and finally be back to your normal self or he could go off running and telling everyone what you are because you mistook him. 
It was around eight in the evening and you were still in your office filling out some paperwork until your phone pinged with a text. 
No one who wasn't important had your number which confused you until you picked it up and looked at the screen. 
Still waiting for my Vampire ;) 
Narrowing your eyes you looked at the time and got up from your chair, it's now or never. You texted him to ask where he was staying and gave you the exact directions from your office all the way to where he was. It made you giggle a little as you turned down different left and rights to get to him but when you stood outside of his door the ache in your gums was making it difficult to focus on the door opening.    
“Hi Angel” he was leaning against the door with one arm, he didn’t have a shirt on but you just coughed and peered into his room under his arm. You saw his messy bed and laughed “I thought you guys were more disciplined than this” you say while walking in and pushing him to the side while pointing to his screwed up sheets. 
“Didn’t think you'd mind, apologies” he flicks it up into the air and it perfectly rests on top of his mattress. You didn't really care about it but you had to break the awkwardness somehow, you had no idea why you came but he wanted this. 
He stood in front of you and your eyes locked onto one another before he reached out a hand and grabbed yours. You were very confused as he placed your hand on his neck where his pulse was beating rapidly. 
You felt the unsteady rhythm under the pads of your fingers and smiled because of his unnatural heartbeat. “Are you okay Kyle” you felt his pulse skip as if it was doing jump rope and you hid the laugh threatening to escape your throat. 
“I want you to bite me” 
If you still had a heart that beats you are pretty sure yours would be jumping up and down. “Excuse me?”
One of his hands moved to grab your cheeks and he squished them, your lips pouted and he kept squeezing until your mouth opened on its own. “I saw them. I know what you are” you pushed away from him and he looked at you in shock. 
“Are you sure you didn’t hit your-” 
“No I didn’t hit my head Angel. I’ve been watching you for quite a while, you’re very interesting…” he stepped towards you but you took a step back until your back touched the door. 
“Three months ago we went for drinks, you hardly ever touched your drink so I watched you” he stepped closer until your feet kissed and he peered into your eyes, you could see his pupils were blown wide which made you swallow thickly. “When that bar fight broke out and there was blood I still watched you, the way you licked your lips and how your pretty canines grew. You quickly hid your mouth by holding the glass up to your mouth, pretending to take a sip”  
You knew Gaz was smart, he was probably too smart for his own good sometimes. Your faces were just a breath apart and you felt his fingers trail up your throat until he tilted your head up by your chin. “Will you let me see them? Please?” 
Your thoughts were racing, the dangers were like warning sirens but you sighed and opened your mouth. His hand cupped your cheek as you did so and your gums felt relief as you extended out your fangs. His eyes widened as he took them in, long extensions of your own flashed in the dim room and he was completely fixated on them. His thumb ran along your lip and then did something that took you by surprise. 
He kissed you. 
His heart was beating so fast and you couldn't focus on anything else, you could feel it in your own chest as he pushed his against yours. It wasn't slow or gentle but fierce and greedy, one of his hands was still holding your cheek while the other gripped your hip in a possessive grip. 
“Fuck I’ve waited so long to do this” he breaths out before capturing your lips again, his tongue liked along your lips as he forced his way inside of your mouth. Your tongues danced together until he started to suck on yours, he moaned and you felt him press himself up against you. He was hard and you were starting to wonder how many times in these past three months he's thought about this very moment.   
He pulled away suddenly and then grabbed your hand while walking over to his bed. He sat down with his back against the headboard and then pulled you into his lap. Your legs straddled his thighs and his hands rested on your hips and pulled you closer to his body. Your hands rested on his chest as he looked up at you with those lustful eyes. 
“I’m at your mercy, Angel” he says, baring his neck for you to take.        
He rubbed circles into your hips which drove you wild. Bending down, you pressed gentle kisses from his jaw down to his neck. You flattened your tongue and licked a stripe up the length of his neck, his pulse quickened against your tongue and your fangs grazed against his skin but before you sunk them into him you kissed up to his ear “I need your consent before I bite you” you ask and a shiver runs through his body, he nods his head an you sigh “Use your words Kyle” his hands gripped you tighter and let out a shaky breath.  
“Yes, I want you to bite me” 
You return to his neck and lick your lips before finding your favourite spot and sinking your fangs into his warm body. He lets out a gasp and you hum as his blood trickles down your throat. It was addicting and you wanted all of it. 
Kyle's hands move from your hips down to your ass and he gives it a squeeze, grinding yourself against him he lets 0ut a moan and moves you against him. He lets out the sweetest sounds into the air and you could taste the change in his blood, he was sweeter due to his aroused state. 
“You taste so good” you say pulling away from his neck, you need to be careful and not drain him completely. You see his blissed out eyes and smile softly, the bite mark on his neck stands out and you watch as a small drop slides down his chest and over his nipple. You attach your lips to his chest and swirl your tongue around spreading the blood over his skin. Sucking slightly you feel his nipple pebble in your mouth but slowly move upwards, following the streak of blood to the source.
Sitting up straight you feel him hard and big under you which makes the pool in your panties turn into a waterfall. His thumb swiped at your chin and then he pushed it through your lips into your mouth. You begin to suck the blood off his thick thumb and he watches you with an intense stare, your hips still rocking against him with a steady rhythm. 
Removing his thumb he grabs the back of your neck and brings you into another kiss, the taste of his blood still resting on his tongue. You didn’t know if he would even like it due to its metallic taste but he doesn't seem to care as he ruts himself against you. 
His hands skirt under your shirt and his fingertips tickle your skin, raising it further up your body you lift your arms and let him discard the material somewhere in his room. Pressing open kisses to your neck and chest you arch your back to get as close as possible to him and feel his hands crawl up your spine to where the clasp of your bra is. 
His mouth is hot against your skin and you feel his teeth graze across the perked bud of your breast. Your fingernails scraped against his scalp as you pushed him further onto your fleshy mound. 
“You're perfect Angel” he whispers into your skin but with your hearing you could hear it and begin to smile and pull him off you with a pull at his hair. He detached himself from your breast and you could see his lips glistening with his spit. 
Scooching down his thighs you play with the waistband of his sweatpants waiting for his confirmation before pulling them down along with his boxers. He kicks them off and you remove your pants with speed. 
Reunited with the comfort of his lap he grabs his cock and rubs it against your clit and your folds which are dripping for him. You feel the head prod against your entrance and you kneel higher before aligning him with your aching cunt. 
Sinking down on him you both let out a gasp as you feel your walls stretch around him, you don’t feel pain but you could've sworn you felt something sting. Staying seated fully sheathing him he looks you in the eyes and kisses you again. 
You grind yourself against him and feel him moan into your mouth, you bite his lip which starts to bleed and lick up his delicious blood which would make any vampire come on the spot. 
“Ah- fuck bite me” he sounds so whiny but you couldn’t do it just yet, he pawed at your body and your hips, gripping them tightly as he pounds into you. His thumb played with your clit which makes you clench around him. “C’mon Angel, come on my cock” your head was in the crook of his neck as he fucks you deeper bringing you closer and closer to an orgasm. 
When you're close, your fangs extend to their fullest and you pull his head back by the hair, his neck was on show for you and your fangs dug into his flesh and his blood began to flow again. Your tongue licked and gathered the liquid in your mouth and you groaned at how good it was.  
Pulling you off him he presses you against his mattress with him hovering over you, pulling your legs over his shoulders he enters you again in one fluid motion. He fucks you ruthlessly, your body tightening and sucking him in. 
Drops of blood fall from the fresh bite mark on his neck and land onto your skin, painting you like watercolours. It was a sight to see and Gaz blew his load right there and then, his movements slowed as he pumped you full of his seed and released your legs from around his shoulders. He kissed along your thighs and saw his come leak from your pussy, pressing a finger inside he bends down and licks the blood from your body.
Humming in content you run your hands through his hair as you feel him finger fuck you through another orgasm. “Fuck yesyes” your back arches and you feel him remove his fingers and lick them clean which doesn’t surprise you. 
Catching his breath he gives you a kiss on the nose before getting up and grabbing something to clean you with. When he's done he gathers you in his arms and pulls you on top of his body. You could hear his calm heartbeat and smile before sitting up and looking deeply into his eyes. 
“Was my Vampire costume okay?” 
He let out a laugh and the rumble of it shook you, “There wasn’t a cape sooo I would have to give it a three out of ten” 
“A cape? Really?” you deadpan and he smiles stupidly at you. “Well next time get someone else to bite and fuck you” you go to move off him but he pulls you back and kisses you deeply.
“I’m just joking Angel, I give you a ten out of ten” rolling your eyes you lie back down on his chest and close your eyes, you feel so full and needed to rest.
As you were drifting off you felt his lips next to your ear “Seriously though, next time wear the cape and nothing under it”
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blorbologist · 1 year
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Confession time:
In the campaign, I loathe Mythcarver.
Vox Machina are given the Vestige as a sidenote - 'here are the locations of a ton of cool ancient weapons, and also this sword I can just give you guys'. While every other Vestige involves a quest for it, or at least some planning, often with some degree of expectation of who will get it (Fenthras, the Titanstone Knuckles, Whisper, the Plate of the Dawnmartyr, the Spire of Conflux - they all really fit one party member well. Cabal's Ruin is more up in the air until we find out who has it, and the Ward has already been given to Vax by this point). Many of them are tied to character moments for the party members in question - 'take me instead you raven bitch', the killbox, 'my heart is someone else's', 'i forgive you, but I cannot let you leave'.
Scanlan doesn't get a noble quest with his friends to power him up. Scanlan does's even do anything of particular note in Kamaljiori's canon trial. He's just... given this Vestige as loot, and because it's made with bards in mind and he's the bard so he should get it.
Except Mythcarver doesn't suit *Scanlan's* style of bard, at all, and I can count the number of times he uses it on one hand, one of which required heavy prompting by Matt because Sam was so used to ignoring the thing. It's a glorified stat stick that buffs some abilities but never sees use because Scanlan is so heavily focused on support spells. It can't match the damage output or utility of his spells, so it just sits on his belt looking pretty. He gets one cool moment with it, against a minor boss, and that's it.
(Notably, he pulls it out and tries poking for a Blinked enemy during a critical fight which I'm not naming due to spoilers, and he just... still doesn't get to do anything with it. That one round could have prevented a death - sinking a turn into trying to use that sword actively hurt the party. It sucks.)
Credit where credit is due: I really appreciate the vision Matt had for the weapon and the intent behind it! On the other hand, it just... further fed into Scanlan feeling like he was an afterthought to the party. They didn't go on a quest for him. They didn't even think of getting him a Vestige - he's just handed one, in a fairly forgettable sidebar, and then hardly ever uses it again. It sucks. I hate that stupid sword.
So when I tell you I was grinning so, so massively during episide 6 of season 2 -
Mythcarver isn't given to Scanlan by default - it's given to him, specifically, by a friend. Kamaljiori is the first person to see through his exterior, his many masks, who bonds with him over love and longing and sincerity. It's not an offhand 'oh while you're here take this' it's for him. He gets a cool moment with it!! It reveals the locations of the other Vestiges!
Here, now, Mythcarver represents what Scanlan wants to be: a hero, a valued friend, someone who matters and has an impact on the world. Someone loved.
(And also noteworthy that this happened not long after Pike was dismissive of him, too. Whistles.)
And then Umbrasyl swoops in to take it, singling Scanlan out for what he carries - and Kami fights for him. Kamaljiori protects him, over and over and over, not for Mythcarver but because it’s Scanlan, it's his friend. He's going toe to toe with an ancient black dragon for Scanlan. And dies for it.
Not only does Umbrasyl kill Kamaljiori but he steals this Vestige. This gift for Scanlan alone, this first fucking testament to having mattered to someone, to being valued and cared for. Mythcarver isn't just a reward, it actively pushes the plot and Scanlan's character development forward, gives Scanlan what he's been quietly looking for in the background, and then viciously takes it away.
(This also gives Scanlan a bigger motivation to be part of that one stupid plan with Vax that's in the trailer: Umbrasyl killed his friend and stole something representing everything Scanlan wants. And he wants it badly and he wants it back, you flying fuck.)
I can't wait to see what's in store. This was, I think, my favorite change to TLOVM so far after 'darling take off the mask' getting a bigger Moment. I can't believe they gave weight and meaning to that stupid sword and I'm here for it.
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sonicasura · 21 days
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Let's be honest with ourselves that Transformers Earthspark has its issues. It isn't uncommon for the series to have a few messy iterations throughout the years. However those at least have something going for them.
Bayverse is a junk pile yet there's a lot of material you can build off on and some pretty interesting concepts. RiD15 is an awful sequel to Prime but does decently well as a standalone although there are much needed changes to be had. Earthspark... Well, it's just there.
I can be lenient with the plot holes and poor pacing as Nickelodeon is notorious for interfering with any show that isn't SpongeBob to the point of cancellation. The issues truly land on the characters themselves. I'm gonna try to simplify it without devolving into a rant like the previous draft.
Edit: Gonna add some further edits as I wrote this in the middle of the night. Plus my simplified version skipped some key details.
Robby. Somehow they made a human character I actually dislike instead of be neutral about. In the official Transformers wiki, he's labeled as a big brother who cares for his siblings but his actions so far say otherwise. Robby literally ran away in the first episode because they moved then decided to try and hide the Terrans from his parents.
Yet he rarely gets enough consequences for his actions. I think we don't just need less Emberstone saves not just because of plot armor but force actual character growth on him. Like a life changing to one of his siblings as consequences for his actions and strained relationship until he gets his head outta his ass.
Edit: Yes, I know Robby is a teenager but that isn't a decent enough excuse for his behavior. Seen the trope about big brothers who do act closed off or at some points rude but they haven't done shit that put their family in serious danger. No, I didn't try to purposely forget the times he was injured badly.
There honestly needs to be less of those and his consequences be adjusted to it affects someone else badly. *
Next issue is lacking confrontation with Optimus choices alongside the obvious misplaced trust in the 13 Primes. Quintus Prime literally emotionally manipulated and scarred Mo through a fake bad ending reality because she doubted herself. No good person would do that, much less an actual ally. Even moreso on a child.
I seen this shit in Trollhunters but at least Jim, the main character, was a teenager. (It still was wrong though.) We also got remember that Liege Maximo and Megatronus/The Fallen are Primes. Yet somehow it is best to trust them.
Don't get me started with some of Optimus' choices when it comes to GHOST. He probably did it to protect his Autobots but what about the Decepticons who are locked away? Why are there so little of his companions with him especially since Bumblebee had fucking went into hiding before the show began.
There needs to be tension between Optimus with his Autobots. Someone is bound to snap and Bumblebee would have the biggest impact. The man clearly isn't okay as he's doing things that even Megatron admits ain't like him.
Mandroid needs to be written differently. He has the making of a sympathetic villain but oh boy. First off it is clear that his depiction is ableist aligned since the reason he doesn't like Cybertronians is because he lost his arm. Major thing to change right there.
Give him a narrative where his interest been genuine but slowly declines as the Autobot/Decepticon war increases the number of destroyed lives. Let him become a victim to this than just 'I lost my arm so death alongside experimentation to all Cybertronians'. Also don't make Mandroid ignore the obvious fact that the Transformers parts he puts into his body is slowly poisoning and instead come up with ways to fight the infection. Kinda like in Ironman 2 where Tony's arc reactor began to do the same thing.
Edit: Mandroid's negative views on Cybertronians are about the war and he's aware of the Energon poisoning. It is just that it is poorly portrayed to the point you rarely see it over his Arachnamechs/his ruined life.
Have the man present various evidence of destruction the war caused by both sides at the Malto children or anonymously spread such info around town to sew discontent with the townsfolk. 'These are the people who you consider heroes. Who you see as family and friends. Or should these tragedies be forgotten?'
Do a Baxter Stockman where you frequently see him try to fix the Energon poisoning than just simple dialogue. Even have testing on organic subjects to see how they react and find ways to counter it. Don't keep these key points as simple dialogue. *
I don't think Karen needs much changes either. 'But her taking over Cybertron doesn't make sense!' It actually does for one reason: hubris. Have you ever seen what happens when you give a control freak power? Their behavior becomes more erratic as they begin to think they deserve more. She is xenophobic in nature so imprisoning Decepticons and ordering around the Autobots is a drug to her.
Karen wants to treat them like slaves so the next step in her mind is Cybertron. Her death is well deserved and well played. Just like Icarus, the bitch flew too close to the sun.
I think the last major issue, other than out of character racist Shockwave, is the Terrans. No offense but they need a bit less screentime so the rest of the cast can shine. We barely see Alex and there's unclarified issues involving Bumblebee with Arcee if he's uncomfortable around her.
I also want their flaws to be at the forefront. Thrash is the only one who gotten such character development from his encounter with Swindle. We need more of that! Like Hashtag's overreliance on the Internet biting her back as she is forced to use real world skills.
Edit: I accidentally put in Terrans when I really meant Twitch. The screentime for everyone needs to be balanced mainly for the Malto family. Alex alongside the three younger Terrans rarely get involved or their characters further build upon. Twitch needs to get benched more.
Also the Dad Number 2 should really be addressed. Wheeljack was clearly uncomfortable when it been brought up. Plus it is way too fast to even consider such ideas unless you plan to have it addressed properly. Like 'Kid. We barely know each other yet somehow I became a father figure in an instant? It's best not to do that until you truly certain "Dad Number 2" doesn't mean harm or feels comfortable with it.' *
Earthspark clearly has potential but these problems need to be handled better. Addong the deleted scenes help add some clarification but canon needs to present it. We are supposed to get a second season so hopefully some of these are addressed.
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hellolulu · 1 year
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MAN Shigeo has grown.
[WARNING Another long post about Mob Psycho 100. Contains spoilers for s3 of the anime]
In season 1 any small situation was cause for a sudden +30% or more, and any danger immediately overwhelmed him and put him straight to 90%-100%. He was so easy to upset and anger, and we know that's because a. he's a teenage boy, b. he's not like the other kids, and c. he was always subconsciously trying not to feel anything, so as to not cause anyone any trouble. And anyone who has ever done this knows it is absolutely the best road to destruction.
Then in season 2 he started thinking more about himself - his place in the world and what he wanted. Accordingly, his % climbs (though still fast) were smaller, or at least took a longer time before hitting 100%. He had more control over his feelings but was still easily overwhelmed or swayed by the thoughts and feelings of others.
I think something that goes a little unnoticed is that during season 2, when he met Mogami, who was stronger than him and technically won their battle (but technically he gave up to Mob's ideals instead, which definitely impacted Mob's thought process of "I can help people by talking to them" which he never gives up on) - he learned an extremely interesting and unnoticed lesson from the guy; sure, he re-learned that he loves his friends, aw, but also, he learned that he of all people is easy prey to become an evil spirit - I think that's a big reason he spends the whole season considering his own feelings more, enough to argue with Reigen, based on Mogami's story, but I can talk about that in another post or this will get REALLY long. He also met that spirit family and realised some spirits just Live Here, which definitely pushed him to question his ideals on spirits and people blah blah (this happened before meeting Mogami, in case u need the refresh, and once again, I can talk about this in more detail another time).
He also met Suzuki senior in season 2, someone that he felt he could have an equal fight with. He enjoyed the fight, and finally got to have a feel for his powers. For a moment, he stopped ignoring the extent of them, truly feeling his powers out and letting them be destructive, even if only for one battle (the manga readers will understand my deeper meaning that the whole story is literally teaching him how to handle the final arc, anime watchers hold onto your hats - it's Good.) He was grinning and having fun, fighting someone that could match his energy (until he couldn't aha Suzuki senior loser moment) but when he remembered the people who needed him to protect them, he calmed himself down. And he really did!! Underrated Shigeo moment! He remembered his goals and he refocused himself toward them after being carried away by his feelings for much much longer than ever before!! Boss energy!
So in short, he spent the whole of season 2 questioning what his powers really mean to him, how much they are a part of him, and how despite them, he can live as a person just like everyone else. He's discovered that it is possible to be an esper and a person, and he goes into season 3 balancing these two sides of his life much better.
And now we already see in season 3 (there are only 5 episodes so far as of writing this) that Shigeo is not only able to think coherently about how he feels, and able to contemplate on much more complex, abstract thoughts, but he's also consciously able to choose how he wants to express them. He uses his powers in a new way through the season, moving and thinking at the same time, confident in his powers AND the way he wields them (the first instance of his gentle-but-powerful power show was probably during the end of the separation arc tbh, using it on all the cameras and such in front of a big crowd of people - able to show his powers in front of people, knowing with confidence that he's in control of them. Again, I can elaborate later).
And geez, the things he's encountering in this season would have made s1 Shigeo climb to 100% in a heartbeat - Hanazawa earnestly trying to fight him again despite being his close friend; everyone he knows being brainwashed in a way that leaves them intact but makes him their enemy; Dimple trying to push him to fight while also pulling his punches - the complexity of these situations are things s1 Shigeo definitely wouldn't know how to deal with: season 1 mob would be a mess. And WHEW, he would NOT have been able to calmly move past Ritsu getting brainwashed (regardless of Reigen's impact on him, s1 mob would have handled it much worse).
But s3 Shigeo is out there, consciously trying to understand the situations he's encountering, his own feelings, and the complex feelings of those around him, figuring it all out while he's in the moment. The extremely slow incline of 1% at a time again and again throughout this episode (s3e5), is so new to see, but it proves that he's got himself handled, and it's a true testament to his growth! He's in control of his own actions and feelings now, because he knows with confidence that he won't use his powers to hurt people unless he makes the conscious choice to - and he knows when it's appropriate to fight, to talk, and to run. He won't hurt people because he chooses peace.
Man, just, he's grown so much from the boy who was afraid of losing control at any given moment, and I'm really proud of him. That's one cool protagonist.
Side note: I cannot WAIT for the people who haven't read the manga to see what's coming in the rest of the season - it's incredible and I'm already losing my mind with excitement.
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brown-eyedblues · 4 months
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Long Lost Friends. Part 1
Billy the Kid x fem reader
A/N: Hey friends! This is the first time I’m writing for Billy! Actually, this is my first time writing in ages… I would really love to get back into it. This is going to be part one in this little universe, hopefully. I want to continue the current story, and also elaborate on y/n and Billy’s time as best friends back in Santa Fe. I just wanted to write a little intro to this story first. Please let me know what ya’ll think of this piece and give me some ideas for what else to write about next!
Warnings: None, really. Some kissing, some fluff. Light editing done.
Billy had arrived at Lincoln county, riding up to the gang’s camp earlier in the day. The hot sun was starting to set as Billy stood by the small fire, occasionally kicking loose twigs on the ground into the flames. His thoughts jolted to a stop when Jesse came up behind him, clapping him hard on the shoulder. They both ignored the cloud of dust and dirt that floated from the point of impact- Billy’s clothes desperately needed to be washed after riding on horseback from Chihuahua to Lincoln.
“Some of us are rollin’ out shortly to head to town, if you would like to join us.” Jesse said, taking a swig from a rusting flask.
“I don’t know, Jesse. I might just turn in early tonight, the ride from Chihuahua was a long one.” Billy sighed, twisting where he stood while his spine popped, as if punctuating what he had just said.
“That’s up to you, man, but I think you should come with us. There is someone at that saloon that I think you will want to see.” Jesse said, before shrugging his shoulders and shuffling over to the men that were already mounting their horses.
Billy’s interest was peaked, as much as he hated to admit it. He kicked over a pail of water that sat next to the fire, effectively snuffing it out. He jogged over to his horse, throwing one leg over its back and adjusting himself onto the saddle. Jesse tossed him a smirk before snapping his reins and kicking his horse into motion. Billy followed suit and shortly the group of men was cresting one of the green rolling hills on the outskirts of town. When the town came into view the group slowed down, and Jesse fell back until his horse was trotting alongside Billy’s.
“Jesse, who is at the saloon you want me to see so damn bad that it couldn’t wait until tomorrow?” Billy asked.
“You remember y/n? Back in Santa Fe?” Jesse asked, shooting Billy another knowing smirk. Of course Billy remembered y/n. She had been his best friend throughout the years he lived in Santa Fe. The last time he had seen her was a little over three years ago when his step-father had packed them up and moved them to Silver City. He thought of her often; wondering where she ended up, and if she was healthy and doing well. He frequently wondered if she had happened across his wanted posters, and recognized his likeness in the prints. “Looks like her family moved to Lincoln about a year after you left. Her parents have a farm just north of town. She works some nights at the saloon for some extra money,” Jesse continued. “And let me tell you something, Kid. She ain’t nothing like I remember her bein’. She sure has a fire in her.” He chuckled to himself, shaking his head.
Billy let the conversation fade after that. As the gang neared the town and the sound of laughter and music drifted through the hoof-worn dirt roads, Billy’s thoughts were racing. The last time he had seen y/n, she was standing on the bottom step of his home in Santa Fe, next to a horse drawn wagon that was packed with all of his family’s belongings. Tears streaked down her face as they said their final goodbyes. Standing on the step put her at eye level with him, and she sniffled softly as he looked down and kicked at that dirt at his feet. Without warning she had thrown her arms around his neck and kissed him hard on the lips, as if trying to meld herself to him. He held her against him for a moment, before easing her to a standing position in front of him. Without another word he had turned and hopped onto the back of the wagon, smacking the side of to tell his step-father he was ready. Billy had watched the girl he loved fade into the distance as the horses brought them further and further from Santa Fe.
At that point they had been sixteen, and y/n was just beginning to show signs of becoming a woman. Billy had been suppressing growing feelings for her, afraid that if he admitted to them, she wouldn’t reciprocate. Instead, he spent the hot days lounging in the sun with her, splashing in the local water hole, and running around the city together. Y/n often sat with him at poker tables, watching the game play out and chewing her nails- she never opted to play, claiming that the other players would be able to read her too easily. When Billy won (which only happened once in a blue moon), he would save half of his winnings for his family, and spend the other half at the local bookstore. He would spend his evenings sitting on the roof of y/n’s house. She would lay with her head in his lap, gazing at the stars and playing absentmindedly with Billy’s free hand, while he read softly to her. Billy often thinks that that is the last time he was truly happy.
Billy’s memories were interrupted when his horse halted suddenly. He looked around, and noticed the group had stopped outside of the saloon. The men dismounted and made for the door eagerly. Billy trailed behind, adjusting the hat on his head, tipping it so his eyes were hidden by shadows. He pushed through the swinging door, finding a wooden beam to lean against. His eyes swung slowly through the saloon, scanning faces as quickly as possible. He watched as Jesse strode up to a woman whose back was turned to him. She was wearing what appeared to be riding pants and a cream colored blouse, and a black apron tied around her waist. Billy held his breath as Jesse slapped both of his hands on the table she was currently wiping down. He leaned in towards her, a predatory smile on his face.
“Darlin’, I am about to make your night!” Jesse announced loudly, effectively quieting the room. Y/n propped her small fists on her hips, turning to Jesse with an exasperated look.
“Jess, the only way you could possibly make my night would be if you marched your cowboy ass out of this saloon and never came back.” Y/n sneered, causing the men gathering around to let out low whistles and laugh at her remark. Billy could see what Jesse was talking about when he mentioned y/n’s fire. He was a wellknown gang leader and gunslinger, not to mention he stood about eight inches taller than her, yet she stood with a straight back, and didn’t back down.
“What did I tell you Billy? See what I mean?” Jesse asked, turning his gaze to the outlaw who still leaned casually against the beam a few strides away. Y/n froze and the saloon was so quiet Billy could hear her sharp intake of breath.
After several heartbeats, y/n turned slowly, eyes scanning every person in the saloon. When her eyes settled on the man leaning against the beam near the front door, they lingered. The man wore a ragged hat, the brim of it shadowing most of his face. Her eyes trailed down to the gun belt that hung loosely around his hips. As her gaze rose again, the man lifted his arm, slowly removing the hat on his head and resting it against his chest. His sky blue eyes peered back at her. She wasn’t really sure how long they stood like that, silently watching each other. But when his lips pulled back to reveal a familiar smile, y/n felt her feet carrying her forward before she could even comprehend what she was doing.
Without a word, y/n quickly moved towards Billy. Choking back a sob, she leapt at him, throwing her harms around his neck. He caught her easily, dropping his hat to the floor. He guided her thighs to wrap around his waist, the same way he had the last time he saw her. After a few moments, she loosened her grasp around his neck, just enough to look into his eyes. This time, Billy was the one who leaned forward, his lips crashing into hers with a desperation that caused both of their cheeks to heat. Y/n was the first to pull away, but only after the hooting and hollering around them began to chisel through the bliss she felt. Billy carefully lowered her back down to the floor, his hands still caged around her waist.
“Billy Antrim, what are you doing here?” Y/n whispered, so only he could hear. It had been a long time since Billy had heard that name. He loved the sound of it on her tongue.
“Well, I came to Lincoln to help Jesse and the boys with a job,” He started, looking over her shoulder and scanning the saloon. “Would you like to take a walk with me?” He asked softly, swooping to pick up his hat and stepped away from y/n to swing the saloon door open, gesturing for her to walk through it to the cooling night ear.
Untying the apron and draping it on a hook by the door, y/n drifted past Billy, her hand coming up to ghost over his flushed cheek as she did so. He smiled to himself as he followed after her, letting the door slam behind him. He offered her his arm as they strolled down the road slowly, walking in such a way that their hips brushed each others gently. Billy looked down at y/n, and when she looked up at him, the soft moonlight reflecting in her gentle eyes, he vowed to himself he would never leave her again.
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animekpopsimp · 1 year
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Genshin Impact x Plus Sized Reader
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Diluc
Diluc is a man of few words but when it comes to your size, he'll defend you as much as he needs. He thinks you're beautiful and won't let anyone else say anything else. He'll remind you of this every day, he never wants you to feel bad about your size. He'll also cuddle with you, keeping his arms around your waist as he holds you while he whispers sweet things into your ear.
Kaeya
Kaeya finds it unacceptable that you would ever feel bad about the way you look. He'll make flirty comments about your appearance every day, it's his way of showing you that he loves everything about you. If someone makes fun of you for your size, Kaeya doesn't resort to violence or anything, he'll simply make passive-aggressive comments. No one gets to hurt your feelings.
Albedo
Albedo doesn't always pay much attention to your physical appearance, though he does compliment you on it from time to time to remind you that he thinks you're beautiful. He doesn't care about your size, it's something that doesn't even cross his mind that often. However, when someone decides to try and use it against you he'll step in. He gets angrier than you've ever seen your boyfriend before, and you knew he would never allow anyone to bring you down.
Zhongli
Zhongli is a gentleman, your size doesn't matter to him. He loves wrapping his arms around your waist, whispering compliments in your ear, just to see you blush. When it comes to someone who tries to make you feel bad about the way you look, he completely ignores them, he'll distract you and make sure you don't even pay any attention to them, they aren't worth your time.
Childe
Childe is very loving, and he finds you beautiful, despite your size. He loves giving you hugs from behind. He'll run his hand up and down your sides, silently making you feel good about yourself. The moment he hears anyone talking bad about you, he'll already be planning how to take care of them.
Baizhu
Baizhu is such a sweetheart, he always compliments you about your size, no matter if you're feeling bad about your appearance or not, he just loves showering you with kind words. He also loves wrapping his arms around you, holding you close to relax. He'll instantly shoot down any negative comments about you, all while remaining completely calm.
Itto
Itto is on the bigger side too, so he doesn't see a problem with you being that way. In his eyes, it makes you even more beautiful. He always has his hands somewhere on you, it's his own way of showing his affection. And if anyone decides to speak badly about the way you look, they can prepare for a long lecture from your loving boyfriend.
Gorou
Gorou is such a sweetheart, he loves you, regardless of your size. If he ever notices you feeling bad about yourself he'll be next to you in an instant to make you feel better, and he won't stop until he sees a smile on your face. Gorou reminds you every day that you're beautiful. He won't confront anyone who talks badly about you, he's not the type for confrontation, instead, he focuses on making you forget about whatever they said.
Cyno
Cyno absolutely loves you with all his heart, regardless of your appearance. He always reminds you of this, not wanting you to feel bad about yourself for even a second. He's a very intimidating person so not many people dare to talk badly about you, if they do, he will find out and have a chat with them.
Tighnari
Tighnari thinks your size is endearing, he thinks you look adorable. He'll wrap his arms around your waist and pull you close to him. He will always remind you that, no matter what anyone says, you will always be beautiful in his eyes.
Alhaitham
Alhaitham doesn't fall for someone solely based on their physical appearance. He loves you for more than that, so your size doesn't bother him. If he hears even one bad word about you he will make sure that person learns their lesson.
Kaveh
Kaveh is very open about how he thinks you're beautiful, he's not too shy to say it at all. He'll have an arm wrapped around your waist in public, showing you off like the most beautiful jewel that existed. And you can bet he'll lecture anyone who tries to talk badly about you, he won't stand for it.
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lauramkaye · 11 months
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ADHD is a learning disability. You might've been gifted but not all of us are or were. As a person with ADHD who isn't a genius or whatever exceptional stereotype you're happy to be I'm sorry if tou don't want to have solidarity with me but we do have the same diagnostic label as me and you don't get to make a new bullshit terms to escape the taint of being given the same diagnostic label for their problems as me.
....Wow, okay.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to answer this publicly, privately, address the point in a different post, or just ignore it. I'm choosing to engage in good faith with this because when I share ADHD information I do so out of a desire to help others who may be in the same boat I was in and I want to clarify if that information is misunderstood.
The post I suspect you are referring to was specifically about people who are both "gifted" (which as a label has plenty of issues but that is what's used in the field and how you will see it referred to in most literature/resources, so that's what I will use) and ADHD at the same time. ADHD and giftedness are two independent things, and a person can be one or the other, both, or neither. (A term you will often see used to refer to a person with giftedness and a disability that impacts learning is "twice exceptional," so using that as a search term may be useful if you want to read more on the topic.)
ADHD is a disability that can seriously impact learning, but it is not technically considered a learning disability. (source: Learning Disablities Association of America). It is considered a neurodevelopmental disorder, similar to the autism spectrum. ASD, ADHD, and learning disabilities such as dyslexia can coexist in the same people in different combinations and any or all can also coexist with giftedness.
This article is older but has a good rundown of some of the issues around gifted + ADHD. A particularly relevant quote: "While a misdiagnosis of ADHD is undesirable, diagnostic errors of omission are just as serious and may be even more prevalent among gifted students. This difficulty occurs when a student’s over-reliance on strengths inadvertently obscures the disability. While emphasizing strengths may highlight a student’s gifts and talents, it does not eliminate the reality of the condition and can, in fact, lead to a worse predicament in which the student distrusts his or her abilities because of the struggle to maintain them. On the other hand, if a student is allowed to acknowledge and experience the disability, he or she may learn appropriate compensatory or coping skills."
The reason I share information specifically about gifted + ADHD is that this is what I personally am, and therefore I have the most experience to share about it. The reason I want to share it is not because I think I'm a super special genius or because I don't want to be in solidarity with others who are ADHD but not gifted. The reason I want to share my experiences is that my ADHD was not diagnosed until I was in my late thirties and that late diagnosis caused me a LOT of avoidable suffering in my life. If I can spare someone else that kind of suffering by sharing the things I learned, I want to do that.
I was not diagnosed early specifically BECAUSE I was also gifted, so most of the indicators that usually lead to children getting tested/diagnosed for ADHD were either attributed to me being gifted (boredom, hyperfocusing on reading a book, one million hobbies I jumped between constantly) or masked by the giftedness (if I could do the assignment quickly in study hall right before class or retain enough from class discussion to pass the test, nobody realized/cared that I wasn't doing homework or studying.)
Which was fine, when I was a kid. But the older I got, the harder it was to keep up with things. By the time I got to undergrad I alternated between high and low GPA terms as I desperately tried to keep my scholarships and managed to keep EXACTLY the minimum GPA I had to. The level of stress and pressure got higher and higher.
I went to grad school. I made a 4.0 my first term.
The second term, I failed all my classes, was put on academic probation, had a meltdown on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere so that my mom had to drive out to get me.
I didn't go back, and I officially failed out of grad school. I had finally reached the point that I could no longer brute force past my lack of executive function with giftedness. And it was fucking devastating. That happened more than twenty years ago and it still hurts to remember even though I've had a lot of therapy since then. I had spent my life being praised for being smart and had built a lot of my identity around that; failing out of grad school felt like a blow to not just my career plans but my SELF.
The years after that got better, but I was still perpetually struggling. Everything just seemed so much HARDER than it should - I bounced in and out of debt, I constantly struggled with work deadlines, I couldn't be on time to ANYTHING, I was stressed out ALL THE TIME. I periodically just broke down and couldn't function for days. I kept making "careless errors" and "stupid mistakes" like forgetting to pay a $20 bill until it got sent to collections even though I had the money to pay it sitting in my checking account. I knew I knew HOW to do the things I didn't do and I knew I was smart enough to do them, so why couldn't I seem to manage it?
I must just... be a horrible person, I concluded. I didn't feel lazy or disrespectful or uncaring, but if I wasn't, surely I would remember birthdays and be on time for things and be able to keep my house clean and my checkbook balanced like normal people could, right?
I probably would have kept on this way indefinitely if a dear friend who was gifted + ADHD had not said "you know, the way you talk about your life sounds a lot like the way I was before I got diagnosed. Maybe you should see someone and check it out."
And I did. And I got diagnosed. And I started treatment. And it fucking CHANGED MY LIFE.
It didn't take away my struggles--far from it--but it helped me understand them, and gave me strategies to help address them, and gave me support to work around/through them. I still have to swim, but before I had weights tied to my feet and now I have a floatie to help keep my head above the water.
I want EVERYONE with ADHD to receive the supports and treatment they need to live their best lives. The information I share about the way ADHD intersects with my own personal brain configuration is meant to help anyone else out there who has a similar one. If it isn't helpful to you personally, I hope you find other sources that do and I wish you the best.
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