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stray-kaz · 1 year

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Memento Mori : a Kaz Brekker x f!reader oneshot

A/N: A request! Thank you for this idea!

Summary: Reader is poisoned by a rival gang leader hoping to force Kaz to his knees by taking you down. Kaz is afraid and murderous, a fatal combination.

Reader’s nickname, because of her profession, is Bee. (And it’s just easier sometimes to allow use of some kind of name instead of being constantly vague).

Memento mori: remember you must die.

Warnings: Violence, blood, near death. Poisoning. Kaz near breaking point.

Inej flew up the stairs in the Slat to Kaz’s quiet office, Jesper tearing after her, coattails flying out behind him. Matthias waited at the bottom of the flight, your limp, still form in his arms. Nina stood next to him, sweat beading on her forehead as she pressed both hands hard down against your heart.

“I am not a healer, I am not a healer, I am not a healer” she kept muttering.

“You’re all she has” Matthias reminded her gently. “Just keep going.”

Kaz looked up from the ledger he was filling in, irritation written all over his features, when Inej and Jesper burst in, panting. They had run all the way from the bottom of the Barrel.

“What is it?” he demanded.

“It’s Bee” Jesper managed to gasp out. “Talyss stung back.”

Kaz stood with such force his chair skidded away and toppled over. He grabbed his cane from its position leaning against his desk and pushed between Jesper and Inej, making his way down the stairs faster than they’d seen before.

He didn’t make a misstep and he didn’t stumble or fall, but when he saw you, Kaz wondered briefly if this was what death felt like. His hands shivered inside his gloves as he raised a hand to remove an errant curl from your forehead. Nina stared; it was the tenderest thing she had ever seen him do. He loved you.

“My room” Kaz rasped, and stepped aside so that Matthias could carry you upstairs, Nina edging along the banister so she could keep your heart going.

Inej was just finishing preparing Kaz’s bed when you were laid down gently on top of it. She covered up to your waist with a heavy blanket and Nina sank down beside you, her skirts rustling around her.

Kaz hovered like a ghost in the doorway of his own bedroom, watching your face, wan and lax. Your eyes rolled beneath their lids, and just as he was about to bite his tongue, come closer and hold your hand, Wylan skidded into the room and did just that. His knees slammed onto the wooden floorboards and, bright eyes wild, fluffy hair in disarray. He squeezed your hand and you whimpered, still unconscious.

Kaz took a threatening step into the room, but Jesper moved to block him, shaking his head firmly. Kaz glared at him, but for once, Jesper didn’t flinch.

“He’s her friend” he said quietly.

It was true, and Kaz knew it. Wylan was his chemist, bombmaker, demo man. And you were his poison maker, his sting, and the love of his abominable life. You worked with Wylan most days and were more now like brother and sister. He loved you, too.

Wylan looked up at Jesper then, an idea sparking in his eyes.

“You can take the poison” he said, looking suddenly a little feverish himself.

Jesper glanced uneasily around the room as he suddenly felt all eyes on him. He rocked back on his heels, met Kaz’s implacable gaze.

“I’ve never done it” he beseeched, spreading his hands out wide. “This is what killed my mother, Kaz.”

He felt a tug on his hand and glanced down at Wylan.

“You wouldn’t need to take all of it, Jesper. She practices with poisons every day, taking small amounts to build up immunity, always with an antidote to hand. Tonight, you are the antidote. She just needs enough gone for her system to start fighting on its own” he told him.

Jesper looked at Kaz again; he said nothing. Jesper sighed quietly and gently nudged Inej out of the way so he could sit opposite Nina and clasp your other hand. He closed his eyes and concentrated, feeling his way along the channels of your veins, almost able to taste the metals in your blood. Fine dark veins rose on the back of your hand and your eyes flew open to stare at Jesper. You tried to pull your hand away, but he held fast, swallowing hard against the pain.

Kaz’s jaw clenched so tight he thought he felt a tooth crack when your first cry rent the air. Tears spilled over your lashes and onto your cheeks, and you tried again and again to pull away from Jesper, but he was stronger than you and could sense the end of it.

Wylan held tightly to your other hand and Matthias stood sentinel behind him, a stony set to his jaw, though his eyes were worried. Kaz had never seen you cry tears of pain. He had never heard the animal sounds wailing out of you, howling at the walls and the window. He had never seen you break.

He tightened his grip on his cane. He was going to find Talyss and his band of thugs, beat him nearly to his grave and then pour his poison down his throat to send him the rest of the way.

As he turned to leave, he felt a hand lightly brush his sleeve and looked to see Nina. He raised his eyebrows impatiently, waiting.

“Bee is strong enough” Nina said steadily. “There is hope for her, Kaz.”

He merely shook off her hand and spoke over his shoulder as he walked away.

“Hope is dangerous, Nina.”

As Dirtyhands made his way to the bottom of the Barrel, gutter dwellers avoided eye contact and leapt out of his way, edging back into the shadows. He heard the whispers as he passed, cold fury and determination disguising his limp. There were those nearby him who knew why he was there and those who had no idea and were terrified to see him. Either way, both types of people hid their faces and did their best to remain undetected.

The door to Talyss Novak’s converted warehouse was locked, which didn’t surprise or deter Kaz. Normally, he’d go quiet and careful, but tonight he didn’t care for quiet or careful. He didn’t reach for his lockpicks, he simply hefted his cane in both hands and swung it at the door handle. It crunched under the weight of the crow’s head and the inner lock clattered onto the floor on the other side.

Kaz pushed the door out of his way with the toes of one shoe and stepped across the dark threshold, cane still gripped tightly in one fist. His other hand had slipped into his pocket, gloved fingers tightening slightly around the vial of poison he had picked up from the workshop you shared with Wylan along the way. He had no idea if it was the same poison or what it did, but judging by the thick red “!!!” on the white label, it would hurt.

A hand landed on his shoulder and he twisted out from under it, wrenching slightly but not caring. He swung the cane like a truncheon and felt something give wetly under his strength. There was a strangled scream and then they all came out of nowhere, trying their best to take down the bastard of the Barrel. But Kaz would not be taken anywhere tonight. He could smell blood, and he wanted it all, the sounds of your pain still ringing in his ears.

When there were bodies heaped around his feet, some still and noiseless, some groaning pitifully, he reached down and grabbed the coat collar of the most alive one. He moved in nice and close, face blood stained and dripping.

“Your boss” he hissed, teeth bared. “Now.”

A weak hand pointed towards a twisting stair shaped shadow and Kaz dropped him back to the hard concrete floor and stepped away, the men already forgotten.

The staircase was quiet and he could hear the soft sound of blood on his glove slipping on his heavy cane. He reached the top and moved silently along the landing, again reaching for the poison in his trouser pocket. A door at the furthest end of the hallway stood ajar. His instincts screamed that the worst of Novak’s men would be behind that door, but he could not bring himself to care. They would all die.

As he approached the dark side of the door, he heard his name spoken.

“Brekker.”

The door swung open and a single lone man appeared, backlit by the interior. With a flick of his thumb, Kaz released the tiny vial stopper and circled finger and thumb around the glass neck.

“How’s your girlfriend? Still breathing? Or dead as a dormouse?”

Kaz walked forward slowly, clenching his teeth against the pain of hiding his limp. Peripheral room checks told him he was alone with Talyss. The man was a maniac, or stupid. Kaz was betting on the latter.

“Did you really think you could take me down by removing my sting? Novak, I don’t need anyone. You made a mistake thinking that I do.”

“Then why’re you here, Dirtyhands?”

“To make you pay for that mistake.”

Kaz decided to temporarily forgo use of his cane; instead he struck with his other hand, shoving the vial with its contents into Novak’s mouth, swallowing hard against the bitter bile that rose in his throat as his gloved hand forced the man’s jaw up and shut and he heard the splintering of glass plink against his teeth.

Novak screamed through closed lids, Kaz’s hand tightening even harder. Thirty seconds dripped past and Novak finally wrenched himself away, opening his mouth to spit glass and a damp pinkish mist. He coughed, choking, and Kaz realised enough glass had been inhaled to perforate his lungs. Talyss Novak was drowning in his own blood, before the poison even did its work.

Kaz helped him along a little; he lifted his cane and lightly prodded the older man in the centre of his chest with the solid flat end. It didn’t take much prodding before he was flat on his back on the cold rough concrete, rasping blood soaked air in through piecemeal lungs.

Kaz stepped closer and leaned over him, watching until his eyes started to stare and his chest stopped spasming. Then he turned and walked out the way he came, blood and fear pounding in his ears.

When Kaz finally staggered back in through the doorway of his bedroom in the Slat, he saw you sitting up in his bed, leaning heavily against Jesper’s chest but rosy cheeked, damp hair sticking to your forehead. Your eyes were opioid bright, glossy and damp looking, but they focused on him with the ferocity he was used to, and something loosened inside his chest. He opened his mouth, and what came out surprised all of them, but most of all him.

“Please.”

Nina held you up while Jesper eased out from behind you, then plumped several pillows up behind your back and shoulders. Inej briefly touched your shoulder and Wylan blew you a kiss. Nina leaned hard on Matthias as they walked out of the room, followed by the other three.

Alone finally, Kaz shed his cane and coat and almost collapsed onto the bed next to you. He retained his gloves, which you understood; in your current state, sweating and clammy, the touch of your skin on his would remind him too much of Jordie. But he wrapped his arms around you, drawing you down onto his chest, and held on as tightly as he thought you could cope with.

You sighed.

“Is the problem dealt with?” you asked quietly, your voice sounding uncomfortable and hoarse.

Kaz scoffed a chuckle and nodded.

“Yes. The problem is dealt with. No more stinging the stinger.”

“Good. ‘Cause it pretty much sucks.”

Kaz tipped your chin up slightly so he could see your eyes, his expression serious.

“You will improve your immunity” he said, a statement and not a question. “I do not want to do that again.”

What he meant was: I will not survive your near death again. If you die, I will also.

You gazed back at him and nodded.

“I will” you promised. “Never again, Kaz.”

He nodded back, leaned his head on the wall of pillows and closed his eyes, settled for now with the knowledge of you safe in his arms.

Tagging: @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x female reader #liss writes #shadow and bone fic #soc fic #six of crows

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remuslupinenthusiast · 1 year

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The Crows as Things My Friends Have Said:

Kaz: Am I your dad? No.

Wylan: Do you wanna be?

Wylan: If you don’t come I’m gonna murder you

Jesper to Nina: That’s not the first time he’s said that to me

Kaz every time he has a plan: Y’all wanna get dressed up and go downtown where they shoot us?

Inej: I am like an Olympic level snitcher

Matthias: You’re so annoying! Speak English

Nina: Woah! Just cause I’m bilingual

Jesper: Ok guys let me lay out my life goals for you. The first is to have loads and loads of money

Wylan talking about his dad: He’s going to Barbados in January

Kaz: Well I hope he can afford it after I take all his money

Nina: We’ll teach you how to be a witch just don’t tell your parents

Jesper: This is like prison

Matthias: It’s even worse when you speak

Van Eck: Our bank account got hacked like 2 weeks ago. We don’t have any money

Kaz: I hacked a bank account like 2 weeks ago! Crazy how it lines up like that

#shadow and bone #six of crows #incorrect six of crows quotes #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #nina zenik #wylan van eck #wylan van sunshine #jesper fahey #matthias helvar #helnik #kanej #wesper

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bubbles-for-all-of-us · 1 year

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Exactly as you are

Previous chapter / Next chapter

a/n well look at us meeting at part three already. Thank you so much for all of your love. And an extra thank you to @brekkershadowsinger for being my knight in shining armor and a beta reader! Love you so much!🤍

summary: when two broken souls meet something is bound to happen.

warning: mention of past trauma, anxiety, sexual assault, murder.

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The sun peaked through the open window. The sun - which was supposed to warm and bring hope did little for the coldness that lingered in the room. Kaz rubbed a hand over his tired eyes. Sleep just didn't find him tonight. And how could it be when all he heard were your cries? Screams and pleas that dragged way into the night. Kaz leaned back into the chair that he had pulled over hours ago. His gaze fell on your curled-up body, now fast asleep in his bed. His pillow beneath your head, his blanket warming up your body, his shirt clenched between your hands as you held it closer to your chest.

When Kaz had made his way back, the first person he was greeted with was Jesper. He could tell that the man was lingering. Purposely trying to wait out to catch Kaz there. Kaz thought about ignoring him, and he was going to until Jesper spoke up, "I'm sorry. You know that I am", dirtyhands spun around to face his crow. A cold, predatory gaze seeped through his eyes. Not family. Not friends. A boss and his investment, "Are you, though?" Now step away from one another, they were practically breathing at each other's throats. "Imagine that was Wylan? What would you do, Jesper? How far would you go?", Kaz barked out and turned away in an instant. Too much. Jesper had already seen too much. There had been too much. Too much was at stake. Too many people were involved.

"You love her", Jesper breathed out. "You…", but Kaz quickly turned back to him, the tip of his cane now pointed straight at Jasper's throat. "One more word, and I will rip your throat out". The warning was primal, raw, and something that deep down Jesper hoped Kaz would never actually do, but from the way, Kaz's eyes blazed and the way his hand shook ever so slightly, "Consider yourself lucky because Wylan was there if none of you would have been…", but his words died down. Choked out by that fear of losing once again. Kaz had already run through every possible scenario and every feasible way that those two could have hurt you. He needed names. Needed a reason. Now he wished he had left at least one of them alive. One of them to tell Kaz, who had been stupid enough to try to get to you when you were his. Because those faces were new to him tonight. Not prepared. He was as unprepared as the crows, and for that alone, Kaz couldn't find the strength to properly punish Jesper.

"Take Inej and sift through the docks. I need reports of all the newcomers, their names, who they work for, and why they came here. Find out who those two were", Kaz ordered, fingers running through his hair in frustration. He needed to calm down. To properly pull himself together. His emotions were too much of a giveaway that he cared. But shouldn't he? Shouldn't he care? His business might be in danger. There was a tassel in his club. His property was damaged. Who knew how much it would cost to get the blood off the floor? "Inej is upstairs with Nina looking after Y/N", Jesper muttered, and Kaz only nodded his head. "Good, go after it or go alone. I don't care".

"Kaz", you had muttered at least a thousand times since Jesper had walked in with you in his arms, shaking like a leaf. Nina dragged a wet cloth down your back, locking eyes with Inej, who was just as worried, before turning to you. "He will be here shortly, darling. Fix a couple of things, and I will be with you", she said as lightheartedly as she could, although Nina doubted if the state Kaz would come back in would help you in any way. The heartrender had suspicions. Most of the crows did. You two were almost glued to each other. And for goodness sake, who else besides you got to sit on Kaz's bed, let alone lay or sleep in it? No one. They couldn't even breathe the same air as him for longer than intended. But then there was you. And no matter when or for how long you stayed in Kaz's office, there wasn't a time when you were cursed out and pushed through the door. Together. Almost always together. Kaz's heartbeat changed first. At least that was what Nina caught onto. Maybe it wasn't affection at first, but still, you managed to alter Kaz's heart. Give strength to the beats, but lighten them at the same time.

"Kaz", you muttered your mantra, once again, big puffy eyes looking up at the two girls. Inej was a breath away from comforting you once more, but Nina cut in swiftly, changing the subject, "Let's get you out before you turn into a prune. Come, up you go", she pulls at your hands, making you stand, before wrapping a towel around your naked body. "Inej, why don't you fix a cup for all of us, huh?", but there was more behind this, and Inej could tell. Almost a silent plea to go look for Kaz. That whatever Nina was doing to keep you calm wasn't going to hold for much. She could feel it too. Slowly bubbling. Building up.

Kaz selfishly did not want to seek you out after all. Why would he? You had Nina and Inej. What would he do there? Stand and look? But then shouldn't he go up there and demand answers? Maybe the two had told you what they wanted. Because this seemed more than just a quick fuck that they were after. If that had been the case, Kaz would have been too late to stop it. Too late… Promised to protect. To keep safe. The image of you stripping in his office the first night flashed through his eyes. Kaz clenched his fist angrily. He had killed them all. Found a list of every man who had put in money to buy you off. They were begging for it to stop, but all Kaz did was repeat your name over and over to them. Dragging their deaths painfully slowly. No one knew about that. It wasn't something anyone else needed to be a part of. It was for Kaz. It was for all the rage that waked in him every time you flinched, every time his eyes caught a glimpse of your scars that painted your wrists and ankles, the torn skin on your back while you were changing, and the emptiness in your eyes.

Then Kaz heard it—the faint sound of your voice once again. His name slipped out of your lips in desperation. Calling for him. Searching for him. Kaz stood up, rushing towards the door, but then he halted. Still as a stone. He could not face you. He could not see you. Not now. Not like this. Not for everyone to see. Your voice grew louder. Kaz. Kaz. Kaz. Kaz. Kaz put his palms over his ears. Turning to walk to the furthest corner. Yet he still heard the way Nina was trying to soothe you. Kaz could almost see you trashing in her arms. The cries made him tightly close his eyes. He wanted to. There was nothing more that he wanted than to hold you now. To answer the call. To pull you out again, but he couldn't. There was no way.

Slow her heartbeat, make her pass out, Kaz thought to himself. Come on, Nina, be useful. And as if the heartrender had heard him, the cries died down softly. Followed by a little sob from Nina and a ray of apology slipping past her lips. The silence stood again. Kaz braced himself against the sink, catching a glimpse of his worn-out face in the mirror. Weak. Worthless. How can you protect her when you can't even go to her when she needs you the most? The anger rippled again, and without a second thought, Kaz's left fist slammed into the mirror.

The room was dim. The last remaining light source was the fire slowly dying down in the fireplace. Wylan was rubbing his hands over Jesper's shoulders. Nina was leaning onto Inej. The tea that sat in front of them had gone cold. Neither of them had touched their cups even once. It had been several hours since the last cry echoed through the house. Nina had stopped sniffling. She had never before used her ability in that way. It was one thing to make someone fall and cripple them in the middle of the job; it was a completely different story to choke the air out of the lungs of someone you cared for while watching their limp body in front of you.

Even at the thought of that, Nina's lips trembled once more. Jesper reached towards her, placing a supportive hand on her shoulder. Tonight had been a mess. Everyone's brains had been scattered with questions. All the ifs and whys, maybes, and whats. And with Kaz nowhere to be seen… He had made it clear to everyone that Y/N was someone that each of them had to look after. And tonight they all abandoned their posts. Sure, it was Jesper's night to keep an eye on you, but the blame couldn't be placed solely on his shoulders. They all let loose. Disappointed Kaz, but most importantly, hurt you in the process. They didn't talk about the other side of this. There was not even a thought about it that lingered. Jesper, while telling everyone about the conversation he had with Kaz, cut himself off right before the question of love was brought up. Not his to discuss. Not his to be brought to daylight.

"Why are all of you still here?", Jesper had stood up so quickly, nearly sending the little table flying, the tea cups rattling. All of them stiffened, like kids who had been caught misbehaving and now were awaiting the scolding of their parents. None dared to meet Kaz's eyes. It felt like he had brought coldness with him, as the room suddenly became almost freezing. If Kaz was being honest, he wasn't sure if he wanted them to fall over one another while they apologized or if he preferred silence. The silence that carried fear. The power he had over them.

"I gave orders to Jespere…", dirtyhands spoke once more, and Inej was quick to cut in, "He told us". Kaz nodded his head, and said, "Good. Then why are you here?" It seemed like such a simple question, but then again, what were they supposed to say? Because they wanted to see him? Because they tried to find strength in one another? Because being alone felt too vulnerable? Yet this set of silence was met with a growl from Kaz. "Go", he muttered angrily. Turning to the side so they could walk past him. "Kaz, she…", Nina started, being the first one to lift her eyes, and the coldness that pierced her made a shiver run deep within her body.

Kaz lifted his hand, silencing her. "I'll take it from here. I have unfinished business with her as it is", Nina shook her head. "Kaz", you were too weak. The demons within you had feasted on your strength. If he were to come at you Kaz-style, he would send you into yet another panic attack. But Kaz only let out a snarl, "Did I ask for your opinion?" They lowered their heads. Jesper wrapped one of his arms around Nina, bringing her closer to him, and clasped Wylan's hand in another. He glanced at Inej, who only nodded her way. Get the two settled, and then they would hit the town just like Kaz had ordered them to.

When Kaz finally made his way up to his office, he tried to pretend that you weren't lying in his bed. That he couldn't hear your breathing. When that got too hard, he tried to trick his mind into thinking that this was the usual night. Like always. He had chosen to work too late, and you had ended up falling asleep. The only difference was that on nights like that, Kaz found himself watching you. The way your face would relax. There was no sign of the slight frown that lingered then. Calm and relaxed. Comfortable enough to sleep in his presence. Now, however, Kaz tried to keep his eyes away from you. Too afraid that it would only break him more.

But the uneasy breathing was hard to miss. You let out a cry, and Kaz's eyes drifted to your frame. Only now did he notice the shimmering drops of sweat clinging to your forehead. Hands clenching the sheets. Kaz blinked again. There in your place now laid Jordie. Turning and tossing as the plague spread further and further. Kaz stood up, crossing the distance between him and the bed in a couple of steps. He ripped the gloves off his hands. The taste of bile in his mouth picked up again. What was this cruel joke? Sure, he was a bad person. Had done so much wrong, but why you? Why Jordie? What have you two done? Or was it a curse for just letting Kaz be a part of your life?

He kneeled once more. One deep breath in, and his hand came into contact with your warm forehead. Not burning up, but warm enough for a slight fever. A part of him was trying to stay rational. To get a fever after a night filled with such events was normal. It could happen, but what if this was something more? What if they had poisoned you? What if he had missed it? Kaz reached for a jug of cold water before dipping a piece of cloth in it. The moment the cold material came into contact with your skin, your eyes opened up slightly.

The fright in Kaz waked again. He wasn't ready. Wasn't prepared to see you conscious just yet. You glimpsed up at him tiredly. Body eased slightly at the sight of him. Kaz swallowed thickly. He didn't know what he wanted to say or what he should say. A part of him wanted to shout at you, but one look at your eyes, which had lit up ever so slightly at the sight of him, halted him once more.

"I'm sorry", you murmured, licking your dry lips as the uncomfortable tightness pulled at your skin. Kaz shook his head, reaching for a cup, "Nothing to be sorry about". The words had come out more sarcastic than he had wanted. As if he didn't genuinely mean it. You gave him a look. One that he had learned to identify. One that let him know that you were more than aware that he was lying. But he wasn't.

"I would do it again", he muttered, turning his gaze away from you. And he would have. As much as he tries to tell himself that he would never reach for you again, he knew deep down that it was a lie. Because he would. Because you were now a part of him. In ways that Kaz couldn't fully identify. Ways that were unfamiliar to him. He had only felt somewhat similar when it came to Jordie. Sure, Kaz cared for his crows, but that was different. You were different. Your eyes filled with tears as you watched him. You had been so desperate to apologize. Aware that you crossed the line by touching him tonight. For reaching out to him in a way that he didn't want to be reached. And here he was telling you that he would do it again. You shook your head, "No." Your voice died down. Cut off by the fear. By the lack of words spoken for a long time.

"Don't push yourself", Kaz ordered you firmly, but you jerked your head once more. He needed to know. You wanted him to know. Through your heavy, tired eyes, you looked at Kaz. You searched for him as you always did. "No one has ever touched me without bad intentions. You…", you stopped yourself as the tear ran down your cheek, stinging in your eyes getting unbearable. "You were the first who wanted to hold me without the intention to hurt me".

The sob finally slipped past your lips. You quickly moved your hand to cover your mouth. Trying to silence the cries, knowing how much Kaz hated emotions displayed like that. Kaz closed his eyes, lifting his head ever so slightly. If you hadn't crossed the line before, you sure have now. You reached for the sides of the sheets. Not waiting for him to scold you. Not ready to face him pushing you away. But Kaz was quick to snatch the side of the blanket out of your hands, pressing it down onto the bed and keeping you covered.

There was so much that Kaz wanted to say. So many words at the tip of his tongue. So many thoughts. And you knew it too. You could tell, so you settled back down. Both of you used up your emotional resources tonight. Drained yourselves dry. Yet Kaz looked at you once more. Reaching for the cloth to dip it into the cold water once more. Just this time, his palm lingered on your hair for a moment. A silent promise that he wanted to figure this out together. Step by step. No matter what was to come, you were going to do it together. Then he turned away from you once more. Pushing the rising water down. You watched him for some time until your eyes grew heavy, and the darkness pulled you under once more.

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Kazzle Dazzle taglist: @igakc @anxiousbeech @vicky-09 @coldheartedmar

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker #the six of crows imagine #the six of crows x reader #the six of crows x you #shadow and bone x reader

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pinchofhoney · 1 year

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You know I can't stay away from your writing for long so here I am againnn....angst prompt 5 and fluff promt 10. Besties to loverss plsssss.....with either Sirius Black or Kaz I can't choose

No angst...I can't take it rnnnn 😭

take a hint # 200 followers special event

» prompt event » special events masterlist

angst prompt five: “please leave before i lose myself to madness and beg you to stay”

fluff prompt ten: and it was when A watched B look at someone else the way they wanted to be looked at. does A realize how much in love with their best friend they were?

gif is not mine, credit to the owner

kaz brekker x fem!reader

word count: 3.8k

warning: kaz has no romantic feelings for inej in this one, it doesn't have a specific time in the canon, i made up one of the characters, best friends to lovers (between the lines), mention of murder

summary: It seems that Kaz always expects you to read between the lines, even though you are a thief and not an expert in interpreting written texts.

a/n: whenever i see notifications from you, i feel like a happy golden retriever puppy, hello!!<33 i feel that writing anything with sirius would be easier for me in almost every way, especially since that character has been my favorite since childhood, but i wanted to try something new and i was thrilled with the chance to do so! (it's a mess)

pages that may interest you: masterlist ♡ taglist ♡ who i write for

As you stepped out into the gloomy, rain-soaked streets of Ketterdam, you could felt the weight of the city's bearing down upon you. It was a place where danger lurked around every corner, where crime and corruption were the norm, and where only the strongest and most cunning survived. The city's winding, labyrinthine streets were treacherous and difficult to navigate, with slimy cobblestones that seemed to shift and writhe beneath your feet. The stench of sewage and decay hanged heavy in the air, a reminder of the filth and squalor that permeated every inch of the city.

The people of Ketterdam were a rough and ragged bunch, with sharp tongues and even sharper knives. Every interaction was a potential threat, every stranger a possible enemy. It was a place where trust was hard to come by, and betrayal was always just a heartbeat away. And yet, despite all of this, you couldn't help but feel drawn to the city. It was the only place where you've ever felt truly at home, where you could be yourself without fear of judgment or rejection. It was a feeling that both comforted and terrified you, and you knew that you'll never be able to escape it, no matter how hard you try.

You hated Ketterdam with a passion, yet you found yourself unable to imagine living anywhere else. Maybe it was because you hated yourself too, the mere thought of being ordinary filled you with a deep-seated loathing. You had no talents, no skills that could make others look at you with admiration, and to make matters worse, you weren't your parents' favorite child either. That distinction belonged to your older sister, the Grisha who had always been showered with adoration and affection, even when she was away in the Little Palace, thousands of miles from home.

Your parents had always compared you to her, highlighting your shortcomings and making you feel like a disappointment. Even when she was gone, they treated you worse than they ever had before, as if you brought them shame just by existing.

Yet, in Ketterdam, your ordinariness was a blessing. As a member of a gang of thieves, you were the perfect fit. Your lack of beauty and grace made you unremarkable, allowing you to blend into the shadows and avoid attention. You moved with ease through the convoluted streets of the city, navigating its twists and turns, always keeping your wits about you. Of course, there were a times of doubts, where you couldn't help but think that perhaps being strikingly beautiful would be an asset to your profession, especially when robbing wealthy merchants who came to Ketterdam seeking to indulge in its illicit pleasures. But even then, you knew that such a gift would come with its own set of complications, and in Ketterdam, complications were the last thing you needed.

You pulled the hood of your dark cloak over your head, lowering it slightly to obscure your face. You didn't want to be recognized by anyone, but at the same time, you needed to keep an eye on your surroundings and react quickly if needed.

You hastily tucked your frozen hands into the pockets of your coat and quickened your step as you saw two men who were part of the Dime Lions. Your heart skipped a beat as you recognized them. Lately, you had been avoiding these people more than usual, ever since you got into an unnecessary street fight with several members of the gang. They had made it clear that they weren't happy with you, and you knew that they wouldn't hesitate to attack you if given the chance.

But it wasn't just the Dime Lions that you were avoiding. Some people in Ketterdam knew about things they shouldn’t. It was no secret that rumors spread like wildfire in this city, and often found their way into the hands of those who would use them for their own gain. But in a world full of terrible people, you had to be worse.

You walked with no clear destination in mind, driven by the need to distance yourself as much as possible from the Crow Club. It was only moments ago that you had found yourself in a heated argument with the one person who mattered the most to you. His stubborn pride had come between you once again, making you curse his name to the heavens above.

The tension in the hallway was thick enough to cut with a knife as you and Kaz stood facing each other, both seething with frustration. His eyes glinted in the dim light, anger etched deep into the lines of his face. What had started as a minor disagreement had quickly escalated into a full-blown argument, fueled by the unspoken feelings that both tried to hide.

“You don't understand, Y/N,” Kaz growled, his voice low and scratchy. “You never do. You're always off on your own, thinking you know what's best for everyone. You can't keep taking unnecessary risks. It's not just your life on the line.”

“I know that,” you snapped back, your eyes flashing with anger. “But we can’t just sit back and do nothing. We need to take action if we want to survive.”

“Of course we need to take action,” Kaz shot back, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “I'm not saying we should do nothing. But we need to be smart about it. We can't rush in blindly. That's why I'm in charge. I know what I'm doing.”

You rolled your eyes, exasperated. “Sometimes being smart means taking risks. That's how we get ahead.”

A heavy silence hung in the air between you, filled only by the sound of your breathing and the rustle of your clothes. Kaz's gaze bore into you with an intensity that made your skin crawl.

His jaw tightened, and he spoke through gritted teeth. “Fine,” he said, his voice icy. “Do whatever you want. But don't expect me to follow you blindly into danger.”

You took a step closer to Kaz, your eyes blazing. “I don't need you to follow me, Kaz. I can take care of myself.”

His eyes narrowed, and he took a step back, his hand on his cane for support. “Then go ahead and do that. But please, leave before I lose myself to madness and beg you to stay.”

Your chest tightened with hope as Kaz's words registered in your mind. Could it be that he actually wanted you to stay? But your hopes were dashed as you saw him turn his back and begin walking away. The urge to call out to him, to make him admit his feelings, consumed you, but you knew it was pointless. Kaz Brekker was not one to bare his soul.

With a frustrated growl, you clenched your fists so tightly that your nails dug painfully into your palms. Without another word, you turned and stormed down the stairs. Ignoring Jesper's questioning gaze and Wylan's confused expression, you burst out into the rain-soaked streets of the Barrel, letting the cool droplets wash away your anger and frustration.

Your mind was a chaotic mess of emotions as you walked, all directed towards the one man who had the power to make you feel so much. Kaz's words echoed in your head, spoken in his rough voice, which usually sounded like the most beautiful melody to your ears, but now it was a curse that tormented you and did not allow you to find peace.

“I don't need you, Kaz. You're the last person I want,” you muttered under your breath, and as if fate was playing a game, you bumped into the very person with whom the whole argument began. What a coincidence.

You lifted your gaze, and your eyes met with the one who infamously called himself Ketterdam's most dangerous person. Although he didn't know you, you were familiar with him well enough to know that he would want to have you with him despite your undistinguished appearance and lack of special skills.

In a rush of panic, you lowered your head, feigning humility to mask your face. “I apologize, sir,” you began, trying to hide the hint of fear you could sense in your voice. “I should be more careful.”

The man smirked, his eyes scanning over your form. “It's no problem, sweetheart,” he said, his voice oozing with arrogance and entitlement. “But you should watch where you're going. It's not safe to be wandering around these parts alone.” His hand brushed against your arm, sending shivers down your spine.

You flinched at the touch, trying to pull away from him, but then he grabbed you. You knew what type of man he was, and the last thing you wanted was to be alone with him in a dark alley. You tried to think of an excuse to leave, but before you could say anything, the gravelly rasp of a familiar voice interrupted.

“Is there a problem here, gentlemen?” Kaz's voice was calm and controlled, but there was an underlying threat that made the man release his grip on you and take a step back.

“None at all,” the man replied smoothly.

Kaz stepped closer, his eyes narrowing. “I suggest you leave the lady alone then.”

The man scoffed. “I suggest you mind your own business, boy.”

Kaz's hand, covered with a leather glove, tightened on the crow's head ornamenting his cane. “I'll make it my business if I see someone harassing a woman in my city.”

The man sneered, clearly not intimidated by Kaz's threat. “Your city?” he asked with a hint of derision, studying Kaz more thoughtfully. Suddenly, as if he had just connected the dots, he added, “Last time I checked, it was still called Ketterdam, not Dirtyhands's kingdom.”

Kaz's expression didn't change, but you could sense the tension in the air. “Believe what you want, but if you don't leave now, I'll make sure you regret it.”

The man seemed to consider his options for a moment before finally releasing a grunt of annoyance and walking away, oblivious to the inevitable fate that awaited him regardless of his decision. Death was the only possible outcome and the only variable was who would carry out the execution.

Finally, the man was out of sight, and you released a breath you didn't even realize you were holding. Kaz turned to you, and you met his gaze with a mixture of gratitude and anger. Despite feeling indebted to him for his intervention, you couldn't help but feel frustrated by his interference. “I didn't need your help,” you said, trying to sound confident.

Kaz raised an eyebrow. “It sure looked like you did.”

You glared at him, feeling embarrassed and exposed. He had seen you in a moment of vulnerability, and you hated yourself for it. “I could have handled it,” you insisted, although you knew it was a lie. You couldn't have handled the situation on your own. You were a skilled thief, but you lacked the physical strength to overpower a man twice your size. You were not armed with revolvers, nor did you possess the abilities of a Corpsewitch. You were just an average person, with quick fingers and the ability to pick locks, nothing more.

“How did you know where to find me?” you added.

“Did you think I wouldn't follow you? I had a feeling you'd get yourself into trouble, but I didn't expect it to happen so soon.”

You rolled your eyes, but a small part of you was grateful that Kaz had your back. “And what about-”

“Inej will take care of him,” he said, cutting you off, signaling that he didn't want to discuss the matter any further. “Let's head back to the Slat. You're soaked.”

Kaz started walking away, disappearing into a dark alley without waiting for you. You sighed and followed him, feeling the dampness of your clothes sticking to your skin.

The walk back to the Slat was silent, with only the sound of raindrops hitting the cobblestones to fill the air. As you entered the place, you immediately noticed the curious looks of your crewmates. Jesper was there, even though he usually preferred gambling at the Crows Cub and Matthias stood at the top of the stairs, watching you with his arms crossed. It seemed like everyone was waiting for you to return, and you couldn't help but feel uneasy.

Ignoring the greetings, Kaz announced, “You'll never guess who Y/N met.” The room fell silent, and Kaz removed his hat as if to emphasize his point. “Antoon Beudeker.”

A hum of surprised sounds ran through the room, and all eyes turned to you. You felt uncomfortable being the center of attention. You had been trying to track down Beudeker for weeks, but he always managed to slip away from you, as if someone in the Dregs was tipping him off about your plans.

Nina spoke up, breaking the silence. “What do you mean by that?”

Kaz looked at you, not bothering to hide his annoyance. “A talent for stealing isn't Y/N's only skill. As you can see, the talent for trouble far outweighs it.”

You shifted uncomfortably under Kaz's gaze, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and frustration. You knew you had made a mistake by bumping into Beudeker, but it wasn't even your fault. All you wanted was to cut yourself off after the argument with Kaz, and now he was the one who was right again.

Wylan's voice carried through the quiet room, breaking the tension. “What are we do with him now?” he asked, but no one answered, assuming that it was up to their missing Wraith to handle the situation.

Jesper's frustration boiled over, and he jumped up from his seat. “It's not fair!” he exclaimed, pointing his revolver at the wall. “I was the one who wanted to put a bullet between his eyes.”

Matthias stepped forward, before anyone reacted to sharpshooter's words, his expression serious. “We need to figure out who's been leaking our plans to Antoon. This could be dangerous for all of us.”

“I agree,” Nina added. “We need to find out who's been betraying us and deal with them.”

Wylan's voice piped up, “What if we set a trap?”

Kaz nodded, considering the idea.

“We could feed different information to each member of the Dregs and see which version gets back to someone who will claim to be Beudeker now. That way, we'll know who we can trust and who we can't,” you suggested.

Nina grinned. “I like it. And if we catch the traitor, we can make an example out of them.”

Jesper's eyes gleamed with anticipation. “I'll provide the entertainment.”

Matthias shook his head. “No, Jesper. We can't take the law into our own hands. We'll handle the traitor according to our own rules, but we won't kill them.”

Jesper shrugged, disappointed but not arguing. “But killing is our rule, Helvar.”

Matthias's expression darkened, but before he could reply, Kaz spoke up. “That's enough. We're not discussing this any further. We need to focus on finding the leak first, not arguing about how to deal with them.”

Jesper and Matthias both looked at Kaz, but neither of them said anything. The silence in the room was heavy with tension, and you could sense the frustration emanating from Jesper and the anger radiating from Matthias. Kaz's tone had effectively shut down the conversation, but you knew that it was far from over.

“We'll start investigating tomorrow,” Kaz's voice filled the room again. “For now, let's all get some rest. We have a long day ahead of us.”

As Kaz's words faded away, the tension in the room dissipated, and everyone began to go their separate ways. You hesitated, still reeling from the events of the evening, unsure of what to do next.

Sensing your unease, Kaz approached you, his expression serious but not unkind. “I know this is a lot to take in,” he said, his voice low. “But we have a job to do, and we can't afford to let our emotions cloud our judgment. I need you to be focused tomorrow, do you understand?”

You nodded, feeling a bit guilty for today’s argument. “Yes. I'll be ready,” you replied, determined to not let him down.

Kaz gave you a small nod of approval before turning to leave. You watched him go, listening to the rhythmic tapping of his cane on the panels. The weight of his words settling on your shoulders. It was true that you couldn't afford to let your emotions get in the way of the investigation, but it was easier said than done. The events of the evening had shaken you to your core, and you weren't sure if you could push them aside so easily. Life in Ketterdam has been hard, but never before has such danger reached you directly.

With a heavy sigh, you made your way back to your room, hoping that a good night's rest would help clear your mind.

You were surprised to find the Antoon's spy so easily, feeling foolish for not discovering it sooner. Despite the setback, the mood in the Crow Club remained peaceful as the days passed. The seventh of you sat together, planning your next move and gossiping about Ketterdam's richest people. Kaz seemed more relaxed than usual, and even Jesper and Matthias were on their best behavior, seemingly content to simply enjoy the moment of peace.

As the night wore on and the group's conversation continued to flow, you couldn't help but notice Kaz's eyes on you. You caught his gaze a few times, and each time you felt a jolt of electricity run through you. It was a feeling you had been trying to ignore for a while now, but it was becoming increasingly difficult with each passing day.

As you turned to look at Jesper, who was recounting a funny story, you noticed Kaz's expression change slightly. It was a subtle shift, but you could tell he was suddenly distant, lost in thought.

After a few minutes, Kaz stood up and motioned for you to follow him. You looked around at the others, confused, but they simply shrugged and continued their conversation. You followed Kaz up the dimly lit hallway to his office.

Once inside, Kaz closed the door and motioned for you to take a seat. You sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk, feeling a bit nervous. Kaz took a seat opposite you, resting his cane on the desk, right next to the chair and leaned forward, his elbows on his desk.

His expression was serious, but not unkind. “I wanted to talk to you about something,” he began, his voice low. “I've noticed that things between us have been a bit... different lately.”

You shifted in your seat, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “Different how?” you asked, not sure if you really wanted to know the answer.

Kaz leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. “I think you know what I mean,” he replied, his gaze fixed on yours.

Your heart skipped a beat as you realized what he was talking about. “Kaz, I...” you began, but he cut you off with a wave of his hand.

“I just wanted you to know that I'm aware of the situation,” he said, his tone even, then he paused for a moment. “You know, Y/N. I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to care for someone. To really care for someone,” he looked directly at you, his eyes intense, emphasizing the weight of his words. “And I've come to the conclusion that there's no one I care for more than you.”

You were completely taken aback by Kaz's words. You had never heard him express his feelings so openly before. Your heart raced as you searched his face for any sign of insincerity, but you found none. You were overcome with a mixture of shock, disbelief, and joy.

His heart sank as he watched you gaze at Jesper with a look of admiration and affection earlier, even if you two were just friends. It was then that he realized how deeply in love with you he truly was. He had been trying to ignore his feelings for you for so long, but seeing you look at someone else with such tenderness was too much to bear.

Kaz carefully chose his words, wanting to express his feelings without being too direct. “I've been thinking about our friendship,” he said, his voice low and serious. “I value our bond more than anything else in the world, and I want to make sure that nothing ever comes between us.”

“Why are you bringing this up now?” you asked genuinely confused by Kaz's sudden openness.

He shifted in his seat, looking almost uncomfortable, “Well, I just wanted to make sure that you know how much you mean to me,” Kaz said, his eyes meeting yours. “There's no one else I trust or care for more than you, Y/N.”

You could feel the weight of his words, the sincerity and depth of emotion behind them. You knew that he was a man of few words, and when he spoke, it was always with a purpose. It was hard to reconcile this Kaz with the cold and distant one you had grown accustomed to over the years.

You couldn't help but feel that there was an underlying message in Kaz's words, something that he wasn't explicitly stating. Your intuition was telling you that there was more to the story than what he had let on. You couldn't ignore the nagging feeling that something was amiss.

“Kaz,” you began, your voice hesitant. “Is there something else you want to tell me? Something that you're not saying?”

Kaz's expression remained neutral, but you could sense a hint of discomfort in his demeanor. You knew that he wasn't one to wear his heart on his sleeve, so you weren't surprised that he was hesitant to open up to you completely.

“I've said what I needed to say,” Kaz replied, his voice flat. “There's nothing more to it.”

His reply felt like a dead end, and you couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment. You knew that he was a complex person, with layers that even you couldn't fully comprehend, but you couldn't shake off the sense that he was still holding something back. Nonetheless, you tried to put on a brave face and show your gratitude for his honesty.

“Okay,” you said, rising from your seat. “I appreciate you telling me how you feel. Our friendship means the world to me too, Kaz.” You couldn't help but wonder what his true intentions were, but you knew that you needed to be patient and let him come to you when he was ready.

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eventidesworld · 2 months

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How Kanej is different from other ships:

Instead of going on a date, the go on a heist

Instead of kissing, the stare at one another (in a very intense way on that matter)

Instead of hugging, they protect one another

Instead of dancing, they fight together

Instead of physical intimacy, they are more about emotional intimacy

On one side, I'm glad that my OTP is so unique and special, but on the other side, I still feel bad because they are clearly touch-starved. The reason why they can't do what other couples can do is because they are just that traumatized. Kaz was robbed of an innocent childhood and Inej lost all her first times. They were forced to grow up too soon. They were lonely and hardened but found comfort with each other. They've spent so much time together that there are things they know about each other that nobody else in the universe knows. Only Inej can likely tell the difference between the click of his cane when he's in a good mood or when he's in a bad mood. Only Kaz knows that she squares her shoulders before she fights.

The book did say, "He had carried her, fought beside her, spent whole nights next to her, both of them on their bellies, peering through a long-glass, spying on some warehouse or merch's mansion."

Note the "Spent whole nights next to her."

He spent entire nights with her. 10-12 hours, and for two years straight. They spied together, fought together, schemed together, solved murder mysteries together, stole things together, went from one place to the next together.

...

This was supposed to be a little sweet Kanej thingy. Why am I writing whole ass paragraphs?

#six of crows #kanej #kaz brekker #i love them #six of crows spin off #crooked kingdom #kanej supremacy #third army #inej ghafa #they are in love #cries in kanej #my otp forever #they're so special to me #grishaverse #relationship #romance #love

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i-who-has-never-had-a-name · 2 months

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I always think about how everyone who knows Kaz brekker, including the crows, negatively think of him as a coldhearted murderer who would do anything for money. Whenever a chapter is written in the perspective from someone who is not Kaz and Kaz gets on their nerves or seems disturbing or so they seem quick to think of him as his reputation: a murdered, a killer. And now I may be stupid for thinking this, but how many people has he actually killed, self-defense excluded? The cell member in the ice court and big bolliger comes to mind, but really other than that...

If we do want to talk about murderers we can talk about Matthias who belonged to one of the worst type of people there is disguised as warriors for a noble cause. Or Nina who was trained to be a ruthless soldier and was excited to participate in war as soon as possible, which includes killing people, even if it's for a "noble" cause. Inej has killed people too, but that's apparently okay because she feels guilty. Jesper has obviously killed. Wylan produces extremely dangerous bombs. Yet no one seems to think of themselves as murderers, but bc they are scared of Kaz (yes all of them to some extent) they think about everything people have said about him or how he talks about himself (bastard of the barrel, cruel, killer etc.)

I love all the characters and am quite fond of them, but it's important to acknowledge that all of them are also flawed. One of their flaws being their moral superiority in relation to Kaz. Even Inej tells us at the start that a lot of his reputation stems from rumors, yet she is afraid of him sometimes bc she doesn't know what rumors are true and which not (which really makes me question why she fell in love with Kaz, if it was bc he freed her and he's hot, after all she is a teenage girl, or some others reasons but that's anothwr discussion). Maybe I'm biased bc my favorite character is Kaz, but this really irks me. Time and time again he has proven that he wouldn't kill innocent civilians or children and what not. That what he and others say about himself isn't 100% a real reflection of who he is. Other than his provocative words (that he uses as a self-defense and really bc he's afraid of showing emotion, but also he just has a dry humor and a snarky personality) he isn't morally a lot worse than the other crows. The things I do find morally about him conflicting though are of course the things he has to do as a gang boss, like profiting off of gambling casinos and what not, but really he isn't responsible for the brutal capitalist system in Ketterdam and one might say that the want to become rich isn't a sin ("what a luxury to not want a luxury").

I like him for his morally grey compass and because he is a complex character but I don't think he receives as much compassion and care from the others as I think he should, but I digress. A lot of people are surprised that technically they won't stay friends, but I'm not. I have so much to say because this is such a complicated debate but I don't want to dig myself a deeper grave than already and maybe I have gotten some facts wrong. I'd love to hear more opinions.

#kaz brekker #I'm only half way through crooked kingdom and have watched the show so maybe he will become worse idk #six of crows

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nerdy-girlramblings · 3 months

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One of things I love most about Leigh Bardugo's books is her focus on the violence committed against women and girls. In Shadow and Bone, there's Genya and Alina. Both have been manipulated by the Darkling and exploited, Alina for her power, and Genya for her beauty. Genya was repeatedly raped by the king and the Darkling refused to help her because he wanted to use her as a spy. The Darkling and the Apprart saw Alina and her powers as a way to push their agendas and gain power.

In Six of Crows, there's Inej and Mayra Hendriks. Inej has sold into human trafficking as a young teen and suffered abuse from men. Even when Kaz rescues her from Tante Heleen, she is still bound to Per Haskell. Then in Crooked Kingdom, she is kidnapped by Van Eck and starved and threatened with torture. Mayra Hendriks, Wylan's mother, was put into an asylum by her husband for having a child with a disability.

King of Scars explores Zoya's character more and we learn that she was almost a child bride to a pedophile, and was then manipulated by the Darkling when her aunt rescued her by taking her to the Little Palace. Nina discovers the full extent of the misogyny in Fjerda in these books too. She finds the Fjerdan Grisha women, who are being drugged and forced to have children for the government. Through Hanne and Nina's experiences with Jarl Brum, we see how men like him confine women and their femininity into a rigid box.

In Ninth House, Alex has suffered so much at the hands of men. Len, her ex-boyfriend, was abusive to her. Eitan the drug dealer also exploited Alex for her ability to use the strength of Grays. There were also the women like Tara who are murdered for greed and power. Mercy and Hellie are two young women who were raped by powerful men.

I am sure that I have forgotten some characters and I apologize for that. Violence against girls and women is something that tends to get swept under the rug, so to speak, and I am glad that Leigh Bardugo touches on this topic repeatedly in her books.

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steponmeinejghafa · 7 months

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Little Crow Pt. 5

Summary: You get your first period.

Your age: 13

Taglist: @winstonthecow22 , @ell0ra-br3kk3r , @trashmouthsahra , @myheartfollower

Warnings: Pain, blood, cramps, periods in general.

---

You were sitting in your room at your desk, doing some homework, when suddenly, you felt a stabbing pain in your lower stomach. You drank some water and thought it would go away, but decided to go to the bathroom the second the pain didn't cease.

When you took off you pants and underwear, you saw that there was a massive stain of blood on the cotton fabric, and some of it was on your pants.

You panicked, and your anxiety mixed with the pain in your stomach made any rational reaction escape your mind.

So, you changed your pants and underwear before running down the stairs screaming bloody murder.

Kaz was immediately by your side, eyes blazing and hands gripping his cane tightly in a way which looked as if he was going to bludgeon someone with it.

"Who do I need to kill?" He asked, looking around, standing in front of you protectively.

"Papa..." you breathed shakily. "I'm bleeding from-from down there-"

He froze for a moment, and his eyes went a little wide before he coughed awkwardly, "Do you-do you need a blanket, little crow?"

You felt a sudden surge of irritation and snapped, "I don't need a blanket, I need a woman, Papa!"

Still a bit shocked and confused he replied, "I thought I said no dating till-" his brain finally put the pieces together and he hurried away, mumbling, "Wait, I'll get Nina or Inej..."

"Saints..." You sighed and went to find your uncle Jesper.

"Uncle Jes..." you groaned, falling atop him where he lay on the couch.

He wrapped his arms around you, kissed your head and mimicked your tone, "Little crow..."

You grumbled softly and buried your face in the crook of his neck, wailing, "My stomach hurts...and I'm bleeding...it's so annoying..."

He heard those words and immediately leapt up, placing you on the floor. "You got your period?" He asked with a small smile.

"I think so?" You shrugged.

"Alright, before anything, I want you to go change your underclothes and your pants, wash out the blood and put a bit of tissue on your underpants to stop the blood, okay?"

"I changed my pants, but how do I keep the blood away?" You asked as he followed you up to your room. "And how do you know all this?"

"I've had Inej and Nina spend enough nights at my house," he chuckled. "Plus, Kaz kind of gets a slight ick from all this."

You knew what he meant by 'this', and laughed softly, going into the bathroom, following your uncle's exact directions.

You retched when you saw the blood on your clothes, and even though you'd fought your fair share of people, this blood was a little more unnerving.

You had only just exited the washroom when Nina and Inej entered, both of them holding paper bags.

Inej handed you hers, inside of which was a packet holding something you didn't recognise.

"It's called a sanitary napkin, or a pad," said the Suli, as you pulled one out and inspected it. "You stick it onto your underwear and keep it on for about 6 hours and change it according to how much you're bleeding."

"...oh," you said, still staring at the pad like it was something with two heads.

"Go and put it on, then I'll give you the stuff in here," Nina chuckled, patting your head.

"Follow the directions on the box, little crow," Inej suggested. "I think it'll help."

You awkwardly nodded, and walked back into the bathroom, discarding the toilet paper and doing as you were told. There was no way in hell you were going to go against their instructions this time.

Once you came out, you leaned against Nina as you sat on your bed, asking both of them, "Am I going to die?"

They looked at each other in confusion for a moment, before they burst out laughing.

"No, no!" Inej grinned. "That blood isn't from all over your body, little crow. It's from your uterus, which is a little organ right here," she gently poked your lower stomach where it was hurting, "And it develops this layer once a month to prepare your body for having a baby, and once your body realises it has no baby, that layer sheds in the form of blood."

"Disgusting!" You made a face. "I'm thirteen, why would I be having a Saintsforsaken baby?! Can't I just get a letter from god or something? Like, 'Oh, by the way, you're not pregnant, just letting you know in a painless, bloodless way!'"

"That is reasonable, but when is anything fair on us, hm?" Nina laughed and put an arm around you. She reached into her paper bag and handed you a small bar of chocolate, saying, "Sweet things always make it better."

You gasped and thanked her, before devouring the chocolate hungrily.

"I understand Kaz wasn't much help, was he?" Inej asked, eyebrow raised.

"No," you shook your head, licking your fingers clean. "He just got bug-eyed and ran off to find you two."

"Yeah, he's a little icky about this," Nina chuckled. "I don't blame him, though. He's not a very...adjusting person. Periods bring about some serious mood swings, let me tell you."

"Oh. So that's why I've been wanting to throw something at almost every person I see for the last few days?" You asked.

"Maybe," shrugged the pair of them.

You heard someone knock on the door and called out, "Come in!"

You didn't even have to look up to realise it was Kaz. He kept his gaze on the ground, limping towards you in a way which genuinely made you want to laugh, because he looked like he wanted to crawl out of his own skin.

He held a brown paper package out to you, and said, "I um, I didn't know what to do, so I went out and bought you a book."

You accepted it and leaned up to give him a quick kiss to his cheek.

"Thanks, Papa," you chuckled. "It means a lot."

"Wylan's making dinner tonight, so if you want to come down and eat, you can. Or if you'd rather stay in bed, that's okay too, I don't--" He began rambling, something you'd never seen him do before unless Inej was looking particularly stunning.

"Papa," you stopped him. "I'll be down in a bit, relax. I'm not a ticking time bomb."

"Right," he nodded and patted your head quickly, before hurrying towards the door. "Let me know if you need anything, please."

Later that evening, they all 'celebrated' you getting your first period by getting extra ice-cream after dinner, a treat which you and Nina specially enjoyed.

That night, after dinner and at around 1 a.m, you got a particularly bad round of cramps which prevented you from sleeping. You tossed and turned in vain, trying to ease your discomfort.

You must've made a lot of noise, because a little while later, your father came into your room, looking tired but concerned.

"Little crow, all okay?" He asked, concerned.

You groaned and shook your head, clutching your stomach. "It hurts badly, Papa..."

He knew periods gave him the ick, but seeing you in pain overrode his discomfort. Immediately, he took you by the hand and led you to his room, guiding you onto the bed.

"Sit here, I'll get you a hot water bag. Inej told me to keep one aorund here..." He looked around in his drawers and produced one of the rubber bags. He hurried to the bathroom to get it set and ready, while you lay on his side of the bed, his familiar scent of cloves and lemon comforting you slightly.

He gently placed the hot water bag on your lower stomach after he returned from the bathroom. "I hope this helps," he said softly, and his body language conveyed clearly that he had barely any idea what he was doing.

"Can you cuddle me, papa?" You asked softly. It was a rare occasion for you to ask him outright to give you physical affection, so he obliged and lay beside you, opening his arms for you to nestle in.

He had, by now, managed to quell some amount of his aversion to skin-on-skin contact, but you always made sure to keep enough blanket between you both so he could hug you but not touch your sin directly.

"Goodnight, my little crow," he whispered, gently kissing the top of your head. Another thing he rarely did.

"I'm not little anymore," you giggled, your words muffled against his nightshirt.

"You'll always be little for me," he replied. "Now go to sleep, or you'll be very irritated in the morning."

So you agreed and fell asleep, while Kaz kept you safely in his embrace.

---

I hope this was a good one <3 feel free to request any other imagines, and if you want to be kept in the taglist, let me know through a message!

#shadow and bone #fluff #inej ghafa #nina zenik #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #kaz brekker #six of crows x child reader #six of crows x reader #six of crows #leigh bardugo #grishaverse #little crow series

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aeslenya · 1 year

Text

Six Of Crows: Incorrect Quotes

-------

Inej: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.

Wylan: I think you mean cards.

Inej, pulling knives out of her sleeves: No, I do not.

-------

Wylan: I prevented a murder today.

Jesper: Really? How’d you do that?

Wylan: self control.

-------

Nina : This is bothering me.

Matthias: Well, you are digging up a corpse.

Nina : No, not that. That's, uh, pretty par for the course, actually.

-------

Nina : Am I going too far?

Matthias: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.

Nina: No, no, no. I think YOU"RE going to prison.

Matthias: WHAT?!?

Nina: ...

-------

Kaz: Inej! My face is on fire!

Inej: Kaz! Are you ok?!

Kaz: Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly.

Inej: But your face is on fire.

Kaz: Yes. It's much faster than shaving.

-------

Kaz: You're right.

Jesper: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

-------

Kaz: What’s up guys? I’m back.

Pekka Rollins: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die.

Kaz: Death is a social construct.

*que the dramatic exit*

-------

Nina: I’m going to take you out

Inej: great, it’s a date!

Nina: I meant that as a threat.

Inej: Or we could take a walk. That would be even better. Anyways, see you at five!

-------

Nina: You kill people for money?!

Jesper: I can explain!

Nina: And all this time I’ve been doing it for free like a chump!

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wh0refornikolailantsov · 9 months

Note

Prompt: "I know you love him, and I will not ask you to change. I only ask... is there any part of you that could love me too?"

Song: "As It Was" - Hozier

For Inej x Reader please!!

hehehehe

A Place For Me - Inej Ghafa

Content Warnings: Canon Complaint Threat And Violence. Mentions Of Feeling Second Best, Insecurities, Being Enough Or Not Enough. Discussions Of Unrequited Love. Not Beta/ Proof Read.

Watching her, it's like watching the sunrise. She is this bright light that brings everything around her into this abundance of colour. Inej is nothing short of pure sunlight, she is where your days begin and end. She is where every single one of your thoughts begin and end. From the day you two met, you were reduced to a creature that wanted to be in her presence. Or at least that is how you have described it, at length to Wylan.

Wylan nods, wiping some soot unintentionally across his brow. "You love her," Wylan says, reaching across the table for a vial of something. It's not an observation, just a simple statement, one he has made many a time.

Your smile is doleful, but there isn't a shred of remorse in your chest, nothing could bring you to regret your feelings for her. They had never been intentional, but they were not unwanted, you would not choose to feel any other way about her even if you could. She deserved to be loved, endlessly, devotedly, unconditionally. She deserved depths of love that she had not seen in years. Depths of love that Inej wasn't sure she would ever see again.

"That's not news Wylan," you remind him. Wylan chuckles, a small controlled burst of light rising up from what he is mixing.

"Okay, not that," he mumbles to himself before looking back at you. "You are looking for answers in me," Wylan looks away before finishing, "when I am not the one who can give them to you."

"Says the boy fawning over the sharpshooter," you say a little too quickly.

Wylan bites down on his lower lip, and his tone is somewhat sarcastic as he replies, "I am not digging in the wrong cemetery."

"I am not digging," you argue.

"Then why is this the same conversation we have had eight time?" Wylan asks.

"Because what else do I do with my feelings, bury them like Kaz?"

"Now we are getting somewhere," Wylan says.

"No, bringing up Brekker is not progress."

"Isn't it? Isn't that really why you and I are walking these circles? I think this whole thing has everything to do with Brekker."

Wylan's words are swimming around your mind and they're almost drowning out the soft sounds of Inej's whispering. You watch her steps, seeing how she moves but doesn't make a sound, every step like she is walking that tight rope, like she is preforming for a crowd and yet no one but herself. She doesn't work with a net, she is endlessly graceful and boundlessly powerful in her capabilities, but by the Saints she has you falling every time, every height is endless, every edge a precipice, every single step a fall risk. You fall every time.

But she is in love with him. You know that. Of course you know that. You cannot see Inej in every shade of light and not notice. Kaz Brekker captured a heart long before he had the power to realise it, long before he could even question if he deserved it. Kaz Brekker had caught the only thing in Ketterdam worth a damn. You knew it, he knew it. She knew you knew it too. She knows that you're smart enough to be able to see it, even if she tries to keep it away, even if she tries to make it not true. He is a weakness she never intended to have. He is a heart she never wanted to want for, to reach after, to desire. But against all her logic and all her wants, all her best intentions, Kaz Brekker had saved her, and she wanted to save him in return. One minute he made her blush and the next he made her want to commit murder, but nothing seemed to make her feelings for him falter. Kaz Brekker, The Bastard Of The Barrel, a man you could never envy for any other reason, but for this one the green inside you glowing, filling every part of you. You have never wanted for anything that was not yours, except maybe this, except maybe her. She could never be yours, she could never be anyone's, and you would never want her to be. She belongs to no one but herself and her Saints and you would make sure you did everything in your power to keep that true for as long as you draw breath.

"It's so quiet," Inej whispers, but her voice doesn't carry on the wind, even the air daren't carry her words too far from her. Even the air is selfish in wanting to keep her close.

"I am in love with you," you say, matching her quietness but not bothering to disguise your words, not playing with your tone, if Inej was anyone else her footing would have slipped, but she is Inej Ghafa. So all of the unsteadiness stays within her walls.

"You..." Inej pauses. "What?"

"I know you love him, and I will not ask you to change. I only ask... is there any part of you that could love me too?" You say.

Maybe she had known, a part of her had known, she supposes, in the way a person knows things that they never really have the time to shine the light on. But to you Inej is all light, all the time, and you'd never entertained the idea that she might know, so you find your own words surprising but you suppose inevitable.

Inej looks at you and it is not unlike her memories are falling around the two of you like parade feathers.

"I love that one," you tell her, offering her a slice of toast across the table.

"That what?" she asks, taking it without a second thought.

"That smile," you grin to yourself, "the one like the world doesn't weigh you down, the one that feels like it belongs to a different lifetime."

She blinks. "I..."

"Maybe a star," Inej says, looking at the sky. You follow her gaze upward.

"Any particular one?" you ask her, charting out the constellations in your mind.

"I don't know, what star would you have me name myself after?" she asks, as if this game was something just the two of you were sharing, as if Jesper and Nina weren't a few steps away complaining about the bitter night air.

"Well if you were to take on a name of a star in this fancy new life of yours where you're someone entirely new, would you wear different colours?" you ask. Inej laughs, tracing a hand over her clothing like she is dusting off armour.

"I don't think I could," she admits. You point out a star and offer up it's name to her as a gift with a wicked smile. She stares at the star, rolling it's name over her tongue, she likes it, but she doesn't understand how you could choose a name for her so quickly, with such confidence. "Why?"

"It's the star of freedom," you tell her, and as you see the star reflecting back in Inej's eyes, you know you're right.

You hear the tap of Kaz's cane on the stones and you reach out to Inej who is stood in her memories, like a gallery she had been awaiting a walk through for some time. "Inej?"

"I do not think-,"

"If you're about to say anything about Inej's skillset not being suitable, you certainly do not," you snap back. Kaz glowers at you, and you know his concern for her safety isn't to be dismissed, even if he will deny that is what it is. But this isn't about that. Inej can do this, Inej was born to do this, and you will not let the barrel rat let her think any less of herself.

"We won't have time for a net or any type of precaution," Kaz says through gritted teeth.

"I don't work with a net," Inej says. She looks at you, searching for the smallest amount of doubt, but you show none.

"Inej can do this Brekker, if you have any doubts then you clearly do not understand your crew."

"I understand my investments perfectly, otherwise I would not undertake them," Kaz says, getting more irritated by you by the moment.

"Then let her do this," you say, "she's Inej Ghafa, have you seen a single thing she cannot do?"

"This whole time," she says, blinking back into the moment.

"Kaz is waiting," you say.

"This whole time?" It's a question now, and the question cannot go unanswered.

"Yes," you tell her, "this whole time." She doesn't know what next to say and you barely give her the chance. "Kaz is waiting."

"He can wait a moment more," she says, "he said he didn't need me, remember."

"And he is a fool," you say, "I don't think he has ever needed you more."

"And you?"

"I can wait, I am very good at waiting."

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #six of crows #inej ghafa #inej x reader #inej ghafa x reader #kanej

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thecrxwclub · 2 years

Text

Six of Crows as Psych Quotes

Nina, to Kaz: The plot, unlike your hair, continues to thicken.

—

*talking to Jan Van Eck*

Jesper: *sneezes*

Kaz: Sorry, he’s allergic to rich white people.

—

Jesper, on the phone with Inej: Are you in my apartment?

Inej: Please, I haven’t snuck into your apartment in weeks. Which reminds me, you’re all out of peanut butter.

—

Kaz: A lot of people want to kill me. I take great pride in that.

Jesper trying to sound smart while flirting with Wylan: You heard about Pluto? That’s messed up, right?

—

Nina: Just because you put syrup on something don’t make it pancakes.

—

Kaz: You’re acting like a child.

Jesper, stomping his foot: I am not acting!

—

Jesper: They say I’ve been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. But the truth is, this lustrous hair and dimpled chin are merely chapter one.

—

Wylan: I don’t lose things. I place things somewhere that later elude me.

—

Jesper: Well, much like Lady Gaga, I was born this way.

—

Nina: You need to stop acting like a child. People have sex and then they kill each other, that’s the real world. Not some magical feelings place.

—

Jesper: There are over 400 stars in our galaxy. Maybe more, no one knows for sure. Many have said that the universe is even larger than the Indian Ocean.

—

Nina: You’re mad.

Kaz: No, I’m not mad. I’m happy, I’m thrilled, I love looking like an idiot.

Nina: That explains your shoes.

—

Jesper: The victim was killed by 9 M&M’s.

Inej: That’s impossible.

Jesper: You’re right, that seems low. 9mm gun.

Inej: Oh.

—

Nina: Everyone stop what you’re doing and only pay attention to me.

—

Jesper: It’s a gift that I use on only rare occasions and practically all the time.

—

Jesper: Do you think it could be PTSD?

Matthias: I think it’s far more interesting than a mere menstral cycle.

—

Wylan: We’ve been injury-free since June, when Jesper broke his finger flipping the injury countdown calander.

—

Matthias: I’ve never been murdered before, it’s liberating! (i’m sorry for this, i couldn’t not)

—

Kaz: First question, what is your name?

Inej: There is a murderer on the loose!

Kaz: That is not your name.

—

Wylan: I’ve seen it all.

Kaz: You’ve seen it all through the cracks of your fingers while you were hiding your eyes.

—

Kaz: You brought a date to the crime scene??

Nina, holding hands with Matthias: It was either this or ice skating.

—

Per Haskell: But know this, one stupid move, and I’ve got more than enough plastic bags for your body parts.

Kaz, turning to Inej: Note to self, call Hefty with a commercial idea.

—0

Matthias: You believe in karma, right?

Nina: Yes, but that’s only because we’re karma chameleons.

Inej: We come and go.

—

Nina: Kaz, it’s official. You’ve won bitchiest banana.

—

Jesper: Just call me the suck-stopper. No wait, don’t call me that.

—

Inej: Just so you know, if you go to prison I will not wait for you.

Kaz: You won’t have to, I’ll escape. We both know that.

—

Matthias: Remember, you treat a woman like a a person, then a princess, then a Greek goddess, and then a person again.

—

Kaz: Have you not listened to anything I’ve said?

Jesper: I certainly haven’t, but I didn’t think you’d notice.

—

Jesper, to the other crows: We get caught together, we face death together, it happens every week!

—

Van Eck at the beginning of SoC: I’m gonna ask you to be respectful here.

Kaz: I will politely decline.

—

Wylan: What isn’t clear is why people always say ‘goes without saying’, yet still feel compelled to say the thing that was supposed to go without saying. Doesn’t that bother you?

—

Jesper: When it comes to mental focus, I’m sharper than a—

Kaz: *hands him a candy bar*

Jesper: Ooo thanks man I’m starved. When they say these things really satisfy they are not lying.

—

Matthias: I need to get something off my chest.

Nina: Is it your shirt? Please say yes.

—

Inej: Don’t say a word.

Jesper:

Jesper: Fergulous.

Inej: I said no words.

Jesper: Oh, I see how it works. Two weeks ago we’re playing scrabble it’s not a word, but now suddenly it is a word because it’s convenient for you.

—

Kaz: Do not go down there and start winging it! That’s not how we operate.

Jesper: Dude, where have you been for the last five years?

—

Jesper: I can’t help but notice there are two graves here, and yet there are six of us.

Van Eck: Obviously, you will have to share.

Jesper: Yes but I think I speak for the party when I say who shared with who?

Matthias: I’m not going with Kaz.

Kaz: I think Inej and I should have our own grave.

Jesper: Excuse me, after all we’ve been through, I’ve earned the right to rest beside you just as much as Inej.

Nina: Alright, look, if nobody wants to take Jesper then Matthias and I will take him. Wylan, why don’t you go with those two?

Jesper: Man, I’m nobody’s charity case. I demand to dig my own grave.

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bubbles-for-all-of-us · 1 year

Text

Exactly as you are

Previous chapter/ Next chapter

a/n I am so sorry for the long wait. Life just really took over and snatched my creativity with it. I hope you will enjoy this! Thank you for all the love!🤍

summary: when two broken souls meet something is bound to happen.

warnings: blood, murder, sexual abuse, fighting, past trauma.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Look at me. When I tell you to run, you do, and you don't look back", the basement was cold. Not even the little fire that fought with all the urge to stay blazing could do anything about it. The dampness had seeped through the walls, leaving the room drenched in the smell of mold. "But…", you tried to fight back, but Paola's face, barely illuminated by the flame, came into view as she clasped your shoulder, shaking you slightly. Not enough to hurt, but enough to pull you out of your train of thought, "I got this figured out, Y/N/N." It was the desperation in her eyes that made you still. Made you look up at her. Made you focus on her features. The dullness drowned her now.

"For once, do what I tell you. Don't make this any harder", she pleaded. You bit back on your words. Swallowing them down just as Paola had taught you. You can think whatever you want in your head; she advised you once, that will never kill you. Just don't let the world slip out. You let them slip, and you'll find yourself hanging. At best. You remember nodding at her words back then. Remember watching her move around the basement as she got things ready. You had no idea what was happening or that this was going to change your life forever.

The sound of the outside doors being slammed still echoed in Kaz's ears. He was trying to roughly shove the thoughts down. A professional. Kaz was a professional at drowning his emotions the way they drowned him. He didn't mean it. Didn't mean any of the words that had slipped past his lips. Yes, he was angry because he needed this done. This was dragging out for too long. Many eyes were on him. Many people were waiting for an answer, for an order. Kaz simply didn't have the luxury of spending more time looking for the person responsible for that brawl in the club.

"She walked out", Jesper stormed through Kaz's office door in a rush. Slightly breathless - most definitely the effect of running up the stairs. "You think I don't know?", Kaz said dismissively. It was hard to pick up on the tone of his voice. Was he referring to the inevitable—hearing the way the door was slammed and being the reason for it? Or was there something else? Something that ran deeper.

"Inej is following her", Jesper stated strongly; he had been the one to send her out. No one ran across the shadows faster than her. If anyone could find you deep within the streets, it was her. And after the last incident, all of them acted quickly. All of them knew how this could end. This all might have been a trial planned to test them because, still, neither of them could believe the fact that Kaz would go and raise his voice at you or push you away like that. And even if the crows didn't have much time to think about it, they all hoped this was just that, just a trial, because if you were to never come back… No, that couldn't be an option now.

"There's no need; you can tell her to come back", Kaz waved a hand at Jesper. The male looked at him with confusion all over his face. Surely, he had gotten something wrong. "Kaz…", Jesper said again, hoping to help his boss genuinely let the words of reality sink in, but Kaz only glanced at him emptily. "Jesper, I said leave her".

That didn't sit well with Jesper. None of this did. It didn't make sense. Anger. True anger that was fueled by frustration rushed through him. "I don't understand you. You make this big fuss over the accident in the club, but now she's alone roaming the streets at night, and you'll just sit here?", those words slipped past Jesper's lips way quicker than they usually did. Most of the time, he weighed them. At least slightly. Now it all just came rushing out. There was no room for funny bickering here. "Anything else?", Kaz asked coldly, moving towards the cabinet that held the liquor. Neatly arranged by you. With his favorite glasses up front.

Jesper hesitated. He did, but he just couldn't. Couldn't keep quiet even if Kaz outranked him. Even if Jesper was nothing more than an investment. He just couldn't. Not when you had become family, and Jesper was ready to do anything for the people he loved. The frustration seemed to surface, and the last straw in him broke. "Sometimes…", he stated, hating that his voice had gone so much quieter, "Sometimes I wish I had never met you, Kaz". The world lingered. The air thickened, but nothing changed.

Jesper didn't wait to be dismissed. He turned around before walking towards the door. The slam rattled the walls, making the picture frames shake. Kaz just looked ahead. He could hear Jesper giving orders downstairs. Orders that no one should be allowed to carry out because they didn't come from Kaz. But he let them play free-minded rebels. Let them feel like they were important enough to go out and look for her. Sitting back down, Kaz reached for the flask with alcohol in it. Glancing at the clock. Hating the concept of time, even more than he usually did. As the absence of you seeped into his bones.

"What do you see?", your body was spread out on the bed. It was way past 3 a.m., and Kaz had given up on work about an hour ago. An hour of laying in bed beside you as you make shapes with your fingers that cast shadows onto the wall closest to the bed. Kaz turned his head to the side, watching you clumsily arrange a pattern with your fingers. "Come on, guess", you urged him, letting out a giggle, and it took all the strength for Kaz not to cackle along with you. He knew it was a bird, and knowing your creativity, it was most definitely a crow to honor him, but that didn't mean that Kaz was going to give in.

"A teacup?", he asked so seriously. "Are you messing with me?", you huffed, moving your fingers to imitate the flapping of the wings, but Kaz still shook his head. "Who has floppy ears?", "Brekker, I swear to what's holy", you lowered your hands to your knees, frowning at him. Kaz looked back at you. The hair that had now fallen out of the tight bun on top of your head. The shirt. His shirt had slipped off one of your shoulders, allowing him a glimpse at your porcelain skin.

"Can you pout any harder?", Kaz teased, making you gasp, and you instantly pushed both of your palms into his chest, pushing him slightly. Your mind started to scream at you as it always did when you touched him without thinking it through, but Kaz only grinned as he looked up at you, making you narrow your eyes at him in return. "It was a crow…", you muttered, running your fingers over the hem of his shirt. Kaz only hummed in return, "I know". You blinked a couple of times before your eyes dared to look into his ocean-deep ones. "Why didn't you say anything?", Kaz turned his head towards the ceiling, closing his eyes. The tiredness finally begged him to sleep.

"I just like it when you fuss over something important to you", your face turned crimson as you quickly moved your palms to cover your burning cheeks, but Kaz caught your wrist. The touch didn't linger for long but was enough to give you the idea that he didn't want you hiding your cheeks. "Lay with me", he whispered, making more room for you to get comfortable. You didn't hesitate, quickly laying back down. Now face to face with the man—a man, not a boy—that made your heart beat just a little faster.

You crept around the house like a true mouse. Clinging to the walls and the shadows they cast. Up the stairs. Down the hall. A sharp turn left. Until the next nook where you would turn right, and here it would be. The door to the backyard. The backyard would send you to your freedom. The backyard will hide you beneath the bushes and trees until late afternoon when you'll be able to run through the fields unnoticed. Paola told you to move only when the clock struck five and move in the pattern that she had made you memorize and retell her a thousand times. She didn't speak that morning and encouraged you to do the same, only glancing your way once more before she was ready to go, rushing back to kiss your forehead one last time, and then she disappeared.

But something inside you screamed to not go. Not yet, at least. Upstairs, it ushered for you to go upstairs. You knew your time here was coming to an end. You either run or stay back, and staying back seemed more than dangerous now. You caught a glimpse of a carving knife on the kitchen table. Quickly snatching it as you let your inner voice guide you. The house was quiet. Too quiet. Maybe no one was home, and that's why she told you to go.

Paola had much thicker skin. Especially after your parents had died. She never cried, or at least you never saw her do so. Her gaze was icy, and she had no issues scolding you after you whimpered for too long. We don't have the luxury of weeping, you silly goose; pick yourself together, she would say. And so you did. What else were you supposed to do? And even if her tough love hurt you most of the time, you still clung to her, following her like a lost puppy.

The wooden beams cracked beneath your feet, making you still. A cold shiver ran down your back. Eyes. There had to be eyes watching you. So you gripped the handle of the knife tighter, making sure that it was ready for the blow. A look around. That's all you would do, and then you would be gone. But it didn't take you long. You opened the doors to the second room upstairs, and your body seized. "No…", you muttered, dropping your knife carelessly to the side as you rushed into the tiny laundry room.

"Paola", your hands gently rocked her, but she was all bloody and laying there like a broken rag doll. Hands tied, legs spread open, "Lola, you need to wake up", you tried again, but nothing. Was this the plan? Was this what she had in mind? This so you could run? You pulled off the cloak from your shoulders, pushing it over her body, before moving to untie her wrists. Something inside you flickered. Anger seeped through your bones. Where were the old fool's promises now? Where was that better future? Where was the home if all you had done was survive as slaves? You knew that Paola had jumped headfirst to warm his bed just so she would keep you safe. At least for now. At least till you come of age. So when the faint sound of footsteps approached the room, you knew that something had to be done about it.

"We have to go get her back", Nina said as she paced the living room, rubbing her hands together as the worries grew. Inej had returned with a pale face not long ago. Muttering that she just caught a glimpse of you being dragged into the carriage by two males and that you were unconscious, "He's delusional; that's what he is", Jesper grumbled angrily. They needed Kaz, and Kaz needed to do something and do something fast. No one was ever left behind, not by crows, and you were not an exception. "We can look for the carriage. I remember how it looked, and then…", Inej stated, but Jesper was quick to shake his head. "We go to that place, and we look for anything; maybe they had left something behind". But none of them got to answer the suggestion.

"Sit down, all of you", Kaz's voice rang out through the place as he limped in, his cane clacking against the floor. Yet they didn't. They didn't move. Staring at him in frustration. Kaz ran a hand over his face. He needed them, but it was clear that they were slipping away from him. Driven by one force only: to get you back. "I know where she is", Kaz said, and the gasps and curses that followed were far from pleasant. Or maybe they carried some sort of relief. Thar Kaz still had it in him. To do things like he always did. To be a step ahead.

"Pekka has her, been looking for her for some time", Nina swayed, quickly sinking into the chair closest to her. The silence was torturous. Kaz could feel the fear now. This was a low blow; he knew it was painful, but they were far from enduring the real torture. "And you're here while she's…", Inej stepped forward, hand on her daggers. But Kaz only puffed up his chest. "This is how it's supposed to be if we want to take him down". Far away. Kaz tried to be far away from the actual situation. He didn't think about this from a dangerous perspective. "You're using her…", Jesper's voice was bitter. Like a snake. And the venom. Kaz felt the venom that was practically spat his way but he couldn't and wouldn't let it cloud his judgment.

"No, I am helping her get rid of him", he said calmly before dropping a handful of papers onto the table. The crows looked among themselves. Fear. Anger. Worry. Confusion. So many emotions. So many things. So many choices. But Kaz only glanced at them before clenching his jaw as he leaned over the table. "Now, you listen to me, and you listen to me very closely."

For a while, you weren't sure in what dimensions you were flouting. Sounds and smells were all mushed into one big blob. At times, you felt like you were there. A step closer to opening your eyes. But a flashback from the past would drag you back, making you lose all of the sensations in your body. "Look who finally joined us", the voice rang in your ears. It seemed too loud and mixed with the light that burned your eyes… You couldn't help but frown slightly. Your head lulled back. Your neck didn't seem to hold it. You weren't sure how you were even holding yourself up until you tried to move your hand and the chains rattled, not giving in to the pull. Chained from the ceiling like a true criminal.

"Feeling a bit drowsy, princess?", you heard footsteps approaching you, but you didn't lift your head. You gritted your teeth, trying to wait out the dizzy feeling. Keep it up. Hold yourself together. But dry, thick fingers wrapped around your jaw, throwing your head up and making you let out a grunt as nausea pierced through you. "Isn't she a beauty boy?", he snickered, brushing a thumb over your mouth. You knew that you kept on denying it. Yet you knew that wasn't going to change anything. It was Pekka who towered over you. It was Pekka who had sent you a warning in the club, and yet you were still here.

"Ahh, I missed you around here, darling", he said, tilting your chin up so he could take a better look at your face. Turning it from side to side as if you were an object under his inspection. As if he was double-checking if nothing was flawed. But at that moment, he was right in front of you. Inches away, you spat right into his face. Spat as if your life depended on it. Pekka startled back, and the laughter in the room died down. He quickly wiped the spit from his face, and then his hand came into contact with your cheek. The stinging feeling shot through you as the cold rings scraped your delicate skin. Leaving a pretty nasty gash there. But you welcomed the pain. Enduring it. Enjoying it. Letting a smile creep onto your face. "You little whore", Pekka said as he stepped closer to you once more, his hand wrapped around your neck, forcing your head back into the wall.

What is the point of living if you don't have anyone to fight for? That was the question that plagued Kaz. Someone. Not a thing. Not an object. Not money or power. A beating heart. And Jordie, whenever he reached Kaz, always spat those words at his younger brother. But caring was a weakness. One so dangerous that it could hurt more than a million bullets. But it felt like something from within Kaz had shifted, desperately trying to break through the years of coldness once you stepped into his life. And then Jordie's message changed.

It was no longer about finding someone. Finding a reason to want to live. No, now Jordie screamed for Kaz to open his eyes. To finally see it. And every time he would jump slightly, still chased by the choking fear, it was always you that he saw. Curled up not far from him. Hair all over the pillow. At times, your forehead would be pressed against Kaz's shoulder. And it grounded him. Knowing that you would always be there when he woke up was what made Kaz less afraid of the nightmare. Making them slowly subside, allowing him almost a full night of peaceful sleep.

Did he ever tell you any of this? No. Frankly, he didn't let himself believe it or think about it too much. Kaz didn't know how to incorporate feelings into what he did. He never weighed emotions while calculating outcomes. He never thought much about how others would react to his decisions. Now his moves could turn you against him. Could make you never look back at him. He could hurt you, not because he wants to, but because he doesn't know any better. "I'll show you all of me if you show me all of you", you had said to him the night after the incident. The night before, Kaz had promised himself that he was going to try. That he was going to be someone he had never been. Until he ended up turning you into a project.

When you opened your eyes once again, the room was a lot quieter. Uneasy feeling settling in your guts once again. This seemed like too much of a reply to the past. That same dread flooded through you. Just this time, you didn't know and couldn't feel who it might want to lead you to. Who was it for? Why was it calling for you once more? Like a distant, long-forgotten melody.

"She's under my protection, meaning I arrange the price", you felt bile coming up your throat once that voice filled your ears. No, this was a trick. A cruel trick. In the aftermath of the beating and sedatives. You lifted your head slightly. Vision hazy, right as a deep laugh, Pekka's laugh rang through the room. "You always amazed me", he said, swirling the drink in his glass. "She has been my property since she was ten; I just rented her out for some years". Your eyes were on the black silhouette that faced away from you. You tried to make yourself believe that there was no way that he would be here. No way he would stand in this room. There was no way that he would look, let alone speak, to Pekka, but once the gloves came into view, you knew it was Kaz.

"Well, rent her out some more", Kaz said coldly, pushing his glass further away from him. Pekka smiled before he stood up and made his way to you. Kaz turned to him as his eyes followed the older male, who slithered closer to you. "Look at her face; look how she looks at you", Pekka grabbed your chin roughly, almost picking you up off the floor. "I didn't know you had it in you, Brekker", the leader of the Dime Lions snickered, pushing his finger into the cut on your cheek. You heard Kaz's cane clicking sharply on the floor. A warning, but you doubted Pekka cared much about it. "Made her fall in love, atat", he warned you quickly as you started pulling onto the chains eagerly. If you could have, you would have bit him and spat at him once more, just your mouth was stuffed with the material of your dress, which was ripping right after you tried to act the last time.

Then, within a click of Pekka's fingers, a handful of his men rushed in. You only managed to see the motion of them entering the room. You couldn't see what was going on. You heard a growl of pain that made your knees buck, yet you still trashed around, pulling at the chains. Was Kaz okay? Was he fighting them? Was he hurt? Pekka stepped aside, his hand still on your neck, allowing you to see the sight in front. Kaz was on the ground, the side of his head bloody. Yet his farce look didn't seem to buck, even with two males holding him down.

"Do you want to save him, Y/N?", Pekka leaned in to whisper into your ear, sending a shiver down your back. Kaz looked up at you from the ground. For the first time since all of it. His blue eyes pierce through you. Yet there was so much writing behind them that you couldn't read through all of it. "But you wouldn't you care", came a bitter laugh as the older male shook his head. "After all, it was you who killed Paola", your body ran cold. Eyes shot up to look at Pekka. You shook your head. "No?", Pekka said with a joyful laugh that got carried by the room as his man joined in.

"She burned her blood, Kaz", Pekka said happily as if he had just walked in with the biggest prize of the season. "Kaz, Kaz, you made a mistake", you only shook your head harder as angry tears started to seep down your cheek. "I tried to save the poor girl, but I just couldn't help her", the saint's voice only made Pekka sound more like a drenched killer, but he enjoyed it and rolled in the glory as Kaz's mortified eyes looked at you. To change it. To take away the loving gaze. To crush it. To use it. Pekka walked up to Kaz. Motioning for the two males to lift the dirtyhands up. Turning briefly towards the table that was behind him. "Do you remember this?", he asked, lifting the knife into the air. The knife that you had taken from the kitchen back in the old house.

"Now we will play a game", he said, ming you let out a broken sob, trying to pull your hands free. The harsh movement cracks your skin open. "Don't", Kaz said quietly. You knew the words were directed at you, but you didn't listen, "Y/N, don't". Your eyes shot back at him, but you couldn't; you weren't going to let him be the one getting hurt. "You might make me cry", Pekka coded, before the sharp side of the blade slipped up Kaz's left arm. He clenched his jaw. Not a single cry of pain slipped past his lips.

The ringing in your ears picked up. The sound of clacking only got louder. You could see Pekka's lips moving, but you couldn't hear him. Your breathing became shallow. You watched cut after cut painting Kaz's skin. The blood fell drop by drop, coating the floor beneath him. And when that same dagger was placed right under Kaz's neck as Pekka took a handful of his hair, throwing his head back, you let out one more cry until everything cracked and the darkness took hold of your hand.

Kaz was ready to take it all. Handle it all. He needed to buy time. And lots of it to give the other a chance to get everything done correctly. He didn't allow himself to look at your lifeless body, which hung limply from the ceiling. A glance. And even that was too much. Even that made him want to just put a bullet between Pekka's eyes. But he couldn't. He needed to stick to the plan.

But quickly Kaz realized that, just like him, Pekka had his agenda here. Kaz was welcomed in so easily, not because of his smart ways. Oh no, Pekka needed him, and now Kaz knew why. Now that he has watched you get swallowed by the flames that erupted from within you, the metal drip down into your skin. Grisha. You were a Grisha. An inferno of some sort. Never before had Kas seen power like this, but now didn't look like a small girl; you were the weapon.

Pekka let out a satisfied laugh. His grip on Kaz loosened, and with some of his men stepping back, this was the opportunity he needed. With a swift blow, Kaz hit Pekka in the stomach. Sliding across the floor towards his cane. Quickly launching it back at the old man, "You did what I tried to do for years, Brekker; you are the key to lighting her up", Peeka spat, trying to draw even more blood. To fuel you even more. But that only made Kaz angrier. He was not going to be a part of this. Not going to be the reason you get hurt even more.

A fearful cry, however, made Kaz turn his head back at you. Your head was now dropped low as you stared at your hands. It was clear that you were not used to this form, and the discomfort was hard to miss. However, before Kaz could move towards you, he felt the back of the blade come in contact with his shoulder blades, sending him down to the ground. Pekka quickly turns Kaz around, and right as he was about to drive the blade through his chest, a wave of flames washes over the room, and right before Kaz's eyes, Pekka got swallowed by it. Trapped within the heat. Licked by flames without a chance of escaping.

Kaz moved from beneath Pekka, whose tortoise screams filled the place. The door swung open, and the rest of the crows rushed in. Yet they were stopped by the ring of fire that now surrounds you three. Kaz glanced back at you. Your hands pressing against the floor, still covered in flames. Your body was seizing. Eyes empty as you look ahead of yourself. Kaz wastes no time as he crawled toward you. The smoke was getting thicker, burning his eyes and filling up his lungs, but he ignored it. Ignored it alongside the shouts of the others.

You. Only you mattered, and Kaz needed to get you out of here. "Y/N", he mumbles, inching towards you. Kaz took off his gloves quickly, tossing them to the side. He tried to catch your eyes, but they look through him. Pekka's cries made him clench his jaw for a moment. "Look at me", Kaz said. "Come on, you can do this", he reassured you, yet nothing changed. A trickle of bright red blood slipped down your lips, and your eyes twitched. Kaz's palm quickly cupped the side of your face, but he drew his hand away quickly. Your skin felt like it was on fire. A shiver ran past Kaz's back. How? How was he going to pull you out?

He looked back, trying to make out Nina somewhere in the back. But the fire and smoke shield them away completely. It's when he saw that same bright blood covering your lips. Breaking from within. Burning from within. Kaz moved his back onto your skin. Hissing against the burning sensation as he lifted your face gently, "Y/N…", he breathed out, "I need you… I need you, you need to pull yourself out", he pleaded. And for the first time, he truly did. Because he did need you. He needed you in so many ways and he hasn't acted on any of it. But he wanted to and now he needed you to come back to him. Your dead eyes look at him. Not a glimpse of the soft eyes. The little spark. Pure darkness. Icy flames dance within. But then Kaz always liked the darkness. He liked the power it held so he leans in. Crashing his lips to yourself.

He could feel your flames dancing against his sides but they don't burn him. They hugged him. Your body stilled. For a moment, it felt as if your heart had stilled beside it. And Kaz was about to pull away when you kissed him back. Kissed him back with all that had been amped up inside you. And the kiss lingered. It lingered because neither of you wanted to pull away, but when you did, your body sagged to the floor. Kaz was right there to catch you.

The flames slowly started to die out, and Kaz pushed the sweat-drained piece of hair away from your skin. Your body was still burning, and that worried him, but at the same time, now Kaz could look down at the true color of your eyes. "Kaz", you muttered, and he was quick to nod his head. "I'll always find you no matter what pulls us apart", he said just as breathlessly, trying to keep you up in a comfortable position, but then a cough slips past your lips. A cough that left your lips and Kaz's palm bloody, and then all Kaz could hear was a bone-crushing screaming.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Kazle Dazle taglist: @igakc @anxiousbeech @vicky-09 @coldheartedmar @teigo-the-explorer @whos6claire @0bsessedwithfictionalcharacters @dal-light @outlawqueen17 @littletargaryens-blog @honeyrydernot @woowwwee @kazzledazzle-s1d3 @soby0 @tremendoushearttaco @queenofshinigamis @aeslenya @lu123sworld @twlegit

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker #the six of crows x reader #the six of crows imagine #the six of crows #shadows and bone x reader

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cordelia-street · 1 year

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Shadow and bone season 2 makes me go brrr

spoilers obviously

nikolai lantsov yousarcastic asshole ily

Wylan is my son and I will protect him at all costs (i am aware he is older than me)

Pekka rollins you actual fucking bitch rot in the depths of hell

Helnik is just drowning in angst

Ngl I wanted I am a bit upset that we barely got to see Matthias this season

"In truth he is the love of my life" stop i cry

Pekka has a fucking child?????????

Not the kanej bathroom scene being intense af, like I-

Genya sweetheart nO :O :(

She doesn't deserve any of this

If the king was not already dead i would have murdered him myself

Kir*gan fucking cut off Baghra's finger. WHAT THE FUCK

Bloody kaz brekkar

"I am begging you" "are you?" YOU FUCKING TELL HIM KAZ

"Because he will push you away than admit he feels anything for you" NINA I FUCKING LOVE YOU

Jesper and his mom<3333

Kaz's backstory is just-

Holy shit. Get fucked pekka

Not inej knowing that it isn't real because kaz was about to kiss her, ma'am i-

When kaz wakes up from the dream sequence his eyes literally go so soft and calm and serene at seeing inej i could scREAM

I also kind of expected Inej's dream sequence to be related to her trauma at the menagerie

Tamar and nadia girlfriends<3333

I LOVE WESPER LET THEM LIVE THEIR ROMCOM LIFE

"Hope is dangerous, clouds your judgement"

Mal is the firebird???? And he is related to baghra and d*rkling???? Dam wtf

Baghra just died what the actual fuck :((

"I want you"

"I will have you without your armour kaz brekkar or I will not have you at all"

"Anything if it's on you" please i love them

Genya and david are literally so fucking adorable they deserve everything<33

Umm so DAVID WTF

I firmly believe that david is not dead

He can't die

Inej and alina besties part 2

Five of crows-

I would've loved to see all six crows.

Matthias out of hellgate when??

Once again the crows have my heart

Overall I liked the season now I'm gonna read six of crows

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sophierequests · 2 years

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looking out for you // fingers crossed part two

Navigation┃Main Masterlist┃Requests

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x f!Reader

A/N: Quite a few of you guys wanted a part two, so here it is! I'm so glad that you liked this fic so much, because I am a sucker for angsty writing. Some of you even wanted to be tagged, so the question is, if you'd like me to establish a tag list? Where I'd just tag you whenever I post a fic about this certain character? I'd love to do that, you just have to comment, and I'll do it!

You can find part one here!

Summary: Kaz goes to confront the reader about hiding their wound, but it does not go as planned, leading to a fight and also confessions that were regretted immediately after.

Genre: Angst, Comfort

Word Count: 2.5K (how the hell did I write that much again???)

Warnings: A bit angsty, feelings, mention of past injury and pain, slight callback to a previous panic attack, if you squint and a lot of profanities

You didn’t wake up for almost one whole week. And when you did, you had one of the worst headaches imaginable. Even though you weren’t back in action yet, you still felt a lot better.

Jesper was more than relieved to see you fully awake, sitting upright and smiling at him. Kaz, however, didn’t come to see you when you first woke up. Which didn’t surprise you, but left you with a sinking feeling of disappointment.

“Oh, I’m so dead.” Jesper sighed, throwing himself next to you on the bed, before giving you your dinner. You turned your head to smile at him sheepishly, taking the dinner gratefully.

“Why now, Jes? If Kaz wanted to actually kill you, he would have done it by now.”

“Isn’t that just fucking comforting, love.” he said, whilst chewing his own food.

“You can be glad that Wylan loves you because I think I saw a glint of murder in his eyes after I told him what happened. I’m pretty sure his wrath would’ve been worse.” you joked, nudging the sharpshooter's arm with a grin.

“Ha ha ha, very funny, Y/N.” Jesper mocked, “You have no clue how mad he was after that. He almost forced me to sleep downstairs!”

The both of you laughed, enjoying the time without any distress or missions thoroughly.

“How’s Kaz?” you asked, immediately regretting it after seeing Jesper’s facial expression.

“Ugh, if I would only know. This man is starting to become a ticking time bomb.” he said, toying with his rings nervously, “I don’t think he’s sleeping. At least not really well. And I think he’s only really talking to Inej. I haven’t heard him say a word, since he called me to help Nina fix you up. I don’t think you’re allowed to almost die again anytime soon, or he’ll go completely mad.”

“I’ll try my best.” you chuckled, however, the weight of his words still heavy on your shoulders, “Do you think he’s mad at me?”

“What? Are you being serious right now? Please don’t tell me that you care about what Kaz I-can’t-express-my-feelings-properly Brekker thinks about you. Love, he’s not mad at you, why would you think that? You’re probably one of the few people on this team, that he could never be mad at.” he told you reassuringly.

You snorted.

“You should’ve seen the look on his face when he went into my room that night. If I wouldn’t be one of his valuable investments, he would’ve killed me on the spot. I think you think a bit too highly of his opinion of me. I could’ve finished the mission on my own. But no, he needed you to join me, because I am not allowed to go on these missions alone. He thinks I’m not useful on these sorts of missions, and it is driving me insane. He’d never send you to go on a mission with Inej!”

“Oh Y/N, you are one of the smartest people I know, but during times like these, you can be so bloody dense.”

“Hey!” you snorted, giving him a slight jab in the ribs.

“I’m being serious. Have you ever thought about the fact, that he might care about you? I’ve known him for quite a while now, and he never acted like that with any of the Dregs. We all have the sneaking suspicion that our dearest boss might have a little crus-”

“Don’t finish that sentence, or I won’t be able to look him in the eyes anymore.”

“Why? Scared of someone actually returning your feelings?”

“Shut up!” you chuckled, slumping against the headboard and closing your eyes, the half-eaten dinner sitting on your nightstand was already forgotten.

“I don’t get what you see in him anyway. You’re way too good for him.” Jesper commented.

“I know. But so are you.”

“Aww, you’re so sweet.” he grinned, leaning his head on your shoulder.

He was right, of course, your crush on Kaz Brekker had been one of the most embarrassing gossip topics that the Crows could bring up. It was just such a bizarre thing to everyone. You were lovely and kind, never failing to comfort the team members if they needed it. And Kaz, well, Kaz was Kaz. You always told yourself that you were friends and that he wanted nothing more than that from you. But hearing it out loud, that he might have a crush on you too, gave you a complicated arrangement of feelings.

“Love, as much as I enjoy our little talks, I should get going. Because my boyfriend should already be waiting for me downstairs. We planned on going to the market, want something?”

You shook your head, waving him off with a smile.

The silence that Jesper had left you with didn’t stay too long. As soon as you closed your eyes, you heard the faint clicking of a cane doming from the corridor. Internally, you prayed that he would just walk right past your room, but if the Saints were actually real, they didn’t seem to like that idea.

Before you could think about what to do next, the handle turned and Kaz slipped inside the room.

“No knocking this time?” you asked, a soft smile on your lips.

The man let out a huff, and you knew that you were in for a lecture.

“What were you thinking? Hiding a gunshot wound? That could have got you killed. No, it should’ve killed you. You were more than lucky that Nina was here. If she hadn't been here, you would be dead by now! And Jesper lying right into my face will also be something I’ll have to keep in the back of my mind from now on.”

“Jesper lied because I told him too. I really didn’t need you to give us another talk on team safety.”

“Oh, so you probably also told him to shoot you then?” he snarled, visibly aggravated.

“You can be such an ass sometimes, do you know that? Jesper didn’t mean to shoot me. It was my fault. I didn’t assess the situation properly and got hit. That’s it. He couldn’t have done anything to stop it.” you retorted, getting angrier and angrier, “And you know if you only came here to yell at me, I’d like you to leave, Kaz. I get that you’re angry, but that gives you absolutely no right to be such a bloody prick.”

“I’m not leaving. What you did was stupid and reckless, and I have every right to hold you accountable for that.”

“You have no right to anything, Brekker. This is the first time you visit me since that night you checked on me, and without showing the slightest bit of concern, you just start lecturing me? This is the last thing I need right now. You are the last thing I need right now.”

He tried to hide the way his face cringed, after hearing that statement, but this feeling was soon replaced as he saw you flinching, whilst trying to straighten your position. Nina helped you as best as she could, but the pain would stick around for a while.

Without a second thought, he moved towards your bed, handing you one of the vials, filled with a disgustingly sweet liquid to ease the pain.

“Here.” he said, his voice now way more regulated than before.

You sighed, taking it from his hand and downing it in one go.

“Are you going to do something else, other than just standing there like a lost dog?” you asked, patting the empty spot next to you as a sort of pathetic peace offer.

With a glint of hesitation in his eyes, he sat down next to you, avoiding eye contact as best as he could.

“Why did you try to hide it? I don’t understand.” he said again, but now in a much softer tone.

“You said it yourself. A hurt crow is of no use.” you huffed, closing your eyes, “I just didn’t want to bother you with that. You said it was important that you got to take a look at the blueprints as soon as we were back, so I thought it would be best to follow that.”

Kaz stared back at you, a conflicted expression painted on his face.

“I haven’t looked at the blueprints yet.” he confessed, “I only wanted you to bring them to me, to make sure that you were safe. I knew that it would be of risk to go into Pekka’s territory. I needed to actually see that nothing happened to you.”

“You already sent me a babysitter for that, though.” you snorted.

“He was just a backup safety measure.”

“Why do you trust me so little? I could’ve done the mission on my own and I would have been completely fine.”

“Y/N…”

“No, Kaz, you asked me to tell the truth, and now it’s your turn.”

“I do trust you. More than you probably know.” Kaz admitted, running a gloved hand through his messy hair, only now you realized that he looked like he hadn’t slept properly in the last few days, “When Jesper brought me the blueprints that day, I was more than worried. You wouldn’t make Jesper finish miniscule things like that.”

He paused, pondering on what to say next.

“We fought, Jesper and I. He told me things I didn’t like to hear. That’s why I only checked on you after he was gone. I should’ve just swallowed my pride.”

“What did he say to you, Kaz?” you asked, slightly confused by where this was supposed to go.

“He told me that I was just a boy too scared of his own feelings. And…”

“And?”

“And he’s right. The reason why I always send Jesper with you on these missions is because I can’t stand seeing you hurt. I care for you. In a different way than I care for Inej, Jesper or any other team member. I just never though that this would influence my judgement this much.”

This confession left you speechless. Coming from Kaz this was basically a love confession. No, it definitely was a love confession.

“Why didn’t you come to see me earlier? I’ve been awake for a few days now. I genuinely thought you were mad at me.” you inquired, testing the waters slowly, “I mean, I don’t know how out of it I would’ve been, but still.”

“I was mad. Not at you, but at myself. Nothing of that should’ve happened, I should’ve known better.” he rolled his head back to stare at the ceiling, his hands now only a few inches away from your legs, “I did come to visit you. When you were still unconscious. Nina said that you were going to be fine, but you didn’t look fine. Well, not what I understand under the word fine.”

An awkward silence settled between the two of you until Kaz groaned, moving to get up.

“I’m sorry, this was more than ill-fitting of me Y/N. I shouldn’t have said that. You shouldn’t have to be aware of these kinds of one-sided feelings. I’m sorry.”

Before he could stand up, you lunched forward, clutching his sleeve tightly.

“Wait, what if I told you that I may or may not feel the same?” you stammered, realizing that you were still holding onto his shirt, only a little bit away from accidentally touching his skin.

His expression turned from a look of irritation, and he pulled his sleeve out of your grasp.

“No.” he replied in a stern voice

“What? What do you mean no? You can’t just tell me about your feelings and then deny mine!” you answered, now standing, or rather sitting, completely helpless against his words.

“I could never give you what you want. You know that.” he shot back, now meeting your gaze harshly.

“What do I want, Kaz? Tell me?”

“Someone that doesn’t have to retch when you touch them. Someone that can actually show you affection. Someone you can kiss. Not me.”

“I don’t need all that. There’s more to love than just that.” the mention of the word love made Kaz shudder, since none of you said it out loud up until now, “I enjoy your company and the conversations we share. I enjoy you. The rest really doesn’t matter. You’re not a lost cause.”

He turned around, his back now facing you, his hands wiping over his face anxiously. For a moment, he just stood there, not saying anything. Then he walked over to the door, his hand resting on the handle. This made your stomach drop. You really thought that things could work out between the two of you.

However, something inside him stopped him from turning the handle and leaving. The moment felt like a déjà vu, him turning to run off to his office like a kicked dog and her just helplessly sitting on her bed. He thought about the following hours, Inej telling him that she was alive and him thanking every supernatural force for granting him another chance. This was it. And what was he doing? Running away again.

No, not this time.

Meanwhile, there were tears building up in the corners of your eyes. You didn’t know what to do, and even though the hurt was possessing every inch of you, you wouldn’t run after him this time.

“I can’t and won’t promise you anything.” his voice broke the silence, causing you to look up at him, “But if that is what you want, I’d be willing to try.”

You felt like someone just waterboarded you, just to pull you out right after.

“What?” you stuttered.

Kaz crossed the room again to get back to your bed, sitting a bit closer to you than before. After taking a deep breath, he set one of his gloved hands on yours, eyeing you carefully.

“I can’t promise you any sort of physical affection. To be frank, I’ll have to get used to any sort of affection, too. But I’d like us to try, Y/N.” he repeated slowly.

You nodded hastily, the weight of his words hitting you like a freight train. He wanted to try. That was more than enough for you. Tears were still running down your cheeks, just for a different reason now.

“I’d like us to try, too.” you answered softly, seeing the hint of a smile form on his face.

“Good, it’s settled then.” Kaz added smugly, now genuinely smiling, “And please stop crying, love. Don’t waste your tears on things like that.”

Much to your surprise, he didn’t wait for you to do it on your own, but moved his hands to cup your cheeks, wiping the tears away with his thumbs.

Before any of you could say anything else, the door opened suddenly, Jesper and Nina walking in to your room without any announcement. They took in the scene, you, sitting next to a startled Kaz, leftover tears still gliding down your cheeks.

“You made her fucking cry, Brekker?” Nina shrieked, her expression changing into one of annoyance.

“It’s not how it looks like!” the both of you tried to clarify in unison.

None of you knew where this would take you from there on, but both of you wanted to try. And at least for you, that was the only thing that mattered.

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