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eusion · 2 months

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⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪nct wish hyung line as ur college bf ⌒☆

word count ⌒☆ 858

pairing ⌒☆ nct wish hyung line x reader

note ⌒☆ ive done it... save me

sion ⌒☆

walks with u to ur every class even if his own class is across campus

attends every club formal event with u bcus he cant let ppl see u without him!!! esp if ur dressed all pretty

despite wanting to be around u all of the time he will give u more than enough time to urself or w ur own friends

hes jumping into dance circles at parties but will periodically check in on u to see if ur doing ok

"did u eat yet" "ok did u wna go get food"

never gets jealous or competitive when he sees other guys flirting with u. hes v confident n trusts u 1000%!!

hes just better and he knows it

gets shy often so pda doesnt come easily

so when he holds ur hand while walking through campus u feel really giddy

doesnt let u eat in the dining hall bcus he thinks the food sucks so he tries n brings u lunch everyday

always there to lend support or advice whenever u need it

otherwise hes quietly cheering u on w the biggest smile on his face

he takes care of u a lot but u always make sure to return the favor!

he needs a lot of reassurance too so u always take time out of ur day to tell him how much u appreciate him

cup his cheeks n give him a kiss!!!!! he will smile so big...

hes v studious n never puts off his work

his good work ethic rubbed off on u but even during study sessions u both cant help but get even a Little distracted

laughs at all of ur jokes n ur not sure if its bcus ur funny or bcus he wants to make u feel better

riku ⌒☆

will do anything to take the same core classes as u so he can have a partner

if someone tries to take u as a partner first he will whine n cry until the other person gives in

designated study buddy even though u two get distracted 100% of the time

when ur rlly stressed from exams count on riku to be there to give u comfort n lots of hugs

whenever u get up for something as small as presenting or as big as mcing for ur club event, riku will always be there cheering the loudest for u

"THATS MY GIRLFRIEND!!!" then covers his face in embarrassment

randomly calls u over zoom just for fun...

works at ur campus bakery n passes u free bread n pastries even after getting in trouble w his boss

also jumping in the dance circle n will take 5 min breaks in between to chug his water n fan himself

dragging u to every campus event..........

when u two have sleepovers ur sharing his twin bed

he will hog the blanket n steal ur plushies + the entire pillow

drunk riku is either spitting out nonsense or theres a constant string of i love u's

u two are learning tiktok dances in ur free time n saving them for ur drafts just to look back on later

always at ur apt/dorm? unannounced?

but ur roommates n housemates are used to it

plays volleyball for fun w his friends n u come to his lil games to cheer him on

yushi ⌒☆

takes pottery as an elective n every piece he makes he dedicates it to u

begs that u visit him at work with the widest eyes

gives u free drinks all the time even after getting caught n almost fired

lets u take as many silly pics of him bcus he knows ur gonna post it on main....

and gets super Happy when u post him

u two are regulars at his favorite stir fry restaurant! the owners love seeing u two together n will always add on the unofficial college couple discount

lives on campus so u two have lots of sleepovers together..

dormmates recognize ur shoes n always expect u to be there

always tagging along when u need to run errands! whether itd b for groceries or returning a shirt he will b there!!

ur always studying when hes around :((( < yushi

ur laptop on the coffee table n ur back against the couch as u sit on the floor..

sometimes he will come over n just lay his head on ur lap while scrolling thru his phone

matching accessories.. lil things like scarves, gloves, etc

has a cute selfie of u two as his lockscreen and an off guard of u walking along the pier as his homescreen

part of ur schools dance crew along w sion

u love watching his performances! u never get tired of watching him and bragging to everyone about how talented ur bf is

"and u didnt bring me flowers?"

matching merch for ur college... just showed up once day with two varsity jackets for u n him

is actually on the unis soccer team n is one of their best! #allrounder

u go to his games in his jerseys all the time just to see how big his smile gets on the field

#nct #nct wish #nct wish imagines #nct imagines #sion #riku #yushi #sion imagines #riku imagines #yushi imagines #nct fluff #college au

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megamindsecretlair · 3 months

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WIP Wednesday

Thank you for the tag @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin , im never sure if ppl look forward to whats upcoming from me, but these keep me honest 🤣😭

Step one: Post snippets of the fics you're working on (can be a summary if there's no snippet)

Step two: put them in a poll and let people vote on which one you should work on, then prioritize the one with the most votes.

Step three: Ask me about my WIPs! Don't be shy, I love talking about my fics! We don't create or share in a void, we want to hear from you lovelies!

Well, Mega, what can we look forward to 👀

1) Beauty and the Beast Inspired Stunna: I have severe Yahya Abdul Mateen II brainrot and baby, 🥲 the way I want to write literally everything for him. This will be a precursor to a novella I wanna write with original characters and lots more action, but Id love extra feedback for it. It will have vampires, toxic staff, and naughty bits.

2) Mea Culpa: I have been debating how much time I wanna dedicate to rewriting that monstrosity of a movie 🤭 okay, thats not fair. The idea was there, the execution wasn't because TP wouldnt know what's sexy if it slapped him in his face. Who am I fooling? I won't be satisfied until I write the whole thing and satisfy my brain. So yeah, prepare for a rewrite according to what I would've done. Think corruption kink, think court drama, think Zyair being the toxic mess we know and love.

3) Mob Boss Tyrone: I feel like ive been teasing this for years 🥲😭🤣 and thats because the ask was specifically for a one shot and I plotted out 7 parts 🤭🤣 at this point, yall know how I am. I tried to conform to short fics for my sanity and I just cant 🤷🏽‍♀️ some ideas require one part, some require several. It will include hella angst, hella smut, hella toxcity, but at the end of the day, hes always going to love his baby girl. I also think im going to switch it to Fontaine chuz thats a prettier/grittier name and would suit the story better.

4) A Watchmen fic for Cal (Yahya): lissen, ive finally went back to finish Watchmen. Not because it was a bad show, but because it requires 100% of my focus and I aint had it. But for Yahya? Ill make the time. I feel like that is 100% a soft dom and I just wanna be his cute lil princess, sue me 🤷🏽‍♀️ I love a man I can't tell what to do 🤣

Theres more but for the sake of brevity, Ill keep it at the 4 most occupying my brain at the moment. Soooo, which one yall want first? And yes 🥲 im aware of how many series I need to update 🥲

No pressure tags: @nerdieforpedro @harmshake @notapradagurl7 @ellethespaceunicorn @miyuhpapayuh

#megaminds updates #megaminds tag game #tag game #tumblr tag game #wip #work in progress #wips #Ask me about my WIPs #poll game #poll #megaminds polls

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 months

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aita for asking my mum to clean out the kitty litter trays even though its usually my chore

i drove to doctors and work this morning, i worked 8.30 till 5 she worked 8.30 til 4 and drove home after her shift ended to pick up my dance clothes for me (i only didnt have them because i had to stay late at work since 3 people went home sick).

my friend cancelled on me for dance tryouts so i spend the afternoon crying and eventually choose to go anyway because i was excited for hiphop but by this point my head is pounding.

i get out of work, she drives me to dance and goes to get macdonalds while she waits for me to get out. halfway through dance they mention we are not even doing hiphop today not until next week (u have to pay for the tryouts btw)

i get out 7.40ish. on the drive home im thinking "fuck its almost 8 i havent done any uni study, (i have 2 lectures, a quiz and like 8 readings that need to be done today and tomorrow), i havent spent any time with our cats or cleaned their litter trays yet."

for reference we have new cats and are introducing them into a house with a dog so rn we have them in one room and let them out occassionally while putting the dog out back, while i clean out the litter trays and top them up every day, once a week we empty them completely and clean them out

so we get home and i say "would it be too much to ask if you could please do the litter trays tonight" i try to explain that i have a headache and ive still got a lot of uni homework to do and i havent spent any time with the cats so i'd play with them for a bit while she cleans the trays and then do my homework

immeadiately she starts yelling at me that shes tired, she hasnt been home from work all day, she did it last time, shes done so many favours for me already today and blah blah blah.

the way i see it, first, i clean the kitty litter trays every day and vacuum their room. she has literally never done this, she emptied out and washed a tray last week because i was sick and got home from work and passed out. i (a learner btw so im very stressed when i drive) drove us to her appt and then to work, i worked more hours than her today, i danced all night with a headache, i also have not been home all day, after being cancelled on and then them not even doing the type of dance i wanted to do and i still have to do uni work tonight so i dont think im the selfish one here.

but sitting in my cats room while they eat their dinner i can hear her storm about and slam doors because shes so mad at me but i dont understand am i in the wrong here?

also literally as i am writing this she comes out and goes "tell me when youve finished dinner so i can let the cats out. and DONT leave it too late" while my food is literally cooking as we fucking speak jfc.

i have a bit of a diary where i write when mum is mad at me because if i mention to her that she upset me it never goes well so i write it down to safely let those feelings out and as i was writing this one i just needed some clarity i really cant fathom any reason for her to be mad except egocentrism so perhaps an unbias outsider can shed light?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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emperyans · 6 months

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Can I request a soulmate!AU with a Clark Kent x reader? Where your soul mates name is on your wrist?

Clark Kent.

It shows up sometime around your twelfth birthday. There’s no warning before it happens- you’re absentmindedly eating breakfast one day when you glance at your wrist and all of sudden it’s there, in neat, slanted writing.

You’re at a loss for how to react at first- hell, this is the name of your soulmate. A few minutes are spent staring in awe at the words on your wrist, before the shock falls away and you’re left feeling a little giddy- you finally know their name.

Every advice column ever written about the matter says not to obsess over it, but your pre-teen self can’t help but fixate on the markings whenever they come into your line of sight.

II.

Clark is not a very widespread first name, you discover. It always ranks around the four-hundred mark in popularity polls, both in North America and the UK.

Despite that, you run into a lot of them. Enough for you to begin to suspect that fate is playing a cruel game- really, how many Clarks can one person meet over the course of their lifetime?

To your dismay, you end up hating every single one of them. Thankfully, none of their last names even resemble Kent.

III.

Clark means scholar.

You wonder if he’s the academic type.

A lot of questioning is done on your part when you’re bored and have nothing better to do. Even more so when you're feeling lonely. Is he tall? What’s his favourite colour? Does he enjoy whole-wheat bread?

When you were a teenager, you had decided he was quite possibly going to be the most perfect person on earth. Your best friend at the time had laughed, telling you that no one was perfect.

You’re older, now. And while you no longer think Clark Kent, whoever he is, would be perfect, you still can’t stop yourself from picturing what he might be like after you have a bad day.

IV.

The first time you encounter it, you’re taking the subway home.

The newspaper is discarded on a scratched up subway seat. The headline is something about Lex Luthor - it always is in Metropolis- but that is not what catches your attention.

It’s under the headline, smudged to ruin by the previous reader's fingers. And yet still discernible enough to make your heart beat faster.

By Clark Kent.

Finding out how to contact the newspaper is easy enough. You cant figure out how to reach him, though, and you wonder what the point of modern technology is if you knew someone’s full name yet still had no way of reaching them.

When you call them, the receptionist tells you that Mr. Kent is out. Leave a message.

You give her a reasonably vague excuse to have him contact you, double checking that she has your name written down correctly. There’s a hint in her voice that tells you she suspects what is going on, but she doesn’t comment on it. You’re infinitely thankful.

VI.

By the time you leave work, there’s a missed call and a voicemail left on your phone. You wait until you get home to listen to it, and it’s a smart idea, because you didn’t know you could get this unreasonably anxious just by hearing someone say your name.

“This is Clark. Uh, Clark Kent. I hope- did I say your name right? Never mind- I was hoping we could meet up?”

He’s stumbling over his words and you can’t help but laugh- at least you’re not the only one completely overcome by nerves.

The voicemail ends with an address and a time to meet up (“ That is, if it’s okay with you-“ ) tomorrow.

You send a text confirming that you’ll be there.

VII.

You’re at the designated meeting place- one of Metropolis’ many parks. How they manage to put them in a city with such high density is beyond you- still, you weren’t here to question their urban planning prowess.

You swear you can feel him before you see him.

The first thing you notice is how tall he is. Very, very tall. He’s dressed in a dark grey suit- carrying a briefcase, clearly having just gotten done with work. It’s not what you imagined- yet somehow, it’s better than anything you’ve ever dreamt up.

He has glasses, you note. They have the effect of making him look impossibly endearing.

You’re not aware you’re gaping at him until he says your name.

“Nice to meet you, Clark.” It’s hard to keep the grin off your face. “You’re saying it right, by the way.” You stick your hand out for a handshake, making sure to angle it so the words on your wrist are visible.

He takes it, a smile playing at his lips. Warmth envelops your hand immediately. “It’s nice to meet you, too.”

#clark kent x reader #superman x reader #dc imagine #[ writings ]

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lains-reality · 10 months

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the hardest i keep trying to remain uninterested towards my thoughts and reaffirm that im awareness only and not the ego the more i feel angry that absolutely nothing is happening, not even feeling peace or fulfillment or anything, probably because i went into nd thinking its the same thing as loa and just wanting to get things but rn im done trying to convince myself that i dont care what my thoughts or my reality is, i dont know what to do about any of this anymore because ive read so much information (including the books ada shared) and now my brain feels fried and cant process shit i have no idea of where to go from here

firstly. take a break.

honestly, i've been thinking about honesty lol. i've realised that a lot of what i've been doing is to see a manifestation or feel love. but i never wanted to admit it. i might not ever have any """evidence""" for why i am pure awareness - my ego wants to understand. but i've moved on from trying to make it understand or convincing it. its perfectly fine as it is. it can walk, it can intelectualise (something that i actually want to stop doing with nd!), it can talk. thats okay with me. i don't want to demand or force anything more of it. i know what happens when i force my mind to do something, its a complete mess. i know that for the manifestations i want, that it requires me not to be a body-mind. it require something more. something timeless, boundless, etc. i cannot demand that from my body or mind. so i've decided to move past them, work with them when needed and soothe them when needed.

doing the inner work, depending on your ego, might be a thing you need to do (in fact i'd say that everyone needs to do it). its hard to just force yourself to disbelieve and detach. especially when forcing is not what you're supposed to do.

if you're in my inbox then you've read my posts, right?

so you see that i've recommended self inquiry before yes? and that i've put up books? you sound like you haven't read my posts? i've been reblogging so much and talked several times about no forcing!!

give yourself a chance. calm down. you're putting so much pressure on the body-mind to see your Self, BUT IT CAN'T, you are not that which you can observe!! you can't observe Self, THATS WHY THE MIND WILL NEVER GET IT! stop trying to force yourself to see your divinity, just appriciate the divinity you see now (you're literally ALIVE, breathing!! look at the world, you as Self created for YOU. Self fell in love with the character so much it forgot it was not it!!)

you're looking for some woo-woo magical experience that forever changes you - these ideas about enlightenment are not it. whatever ideas about enlightenment the mind had, throw it in the bin.

before enlightenment - chop wood, carry water. after enlightenment - chop wood, carry water!! you'll be going through the world the same, except in how you see the world.

enlightenment is a destruction. its a destruction in how you see the world and yourself. that's it. in the end, you'll feel peace (as others have said so) but you're not there, are you? you're trying to get rid of ego through ego. stop.

you'll never know Self, until you see it yourself. this is through experiments and practise.

stop reading if its frying you're brain. you're entire ask can be solved by "ok i'm gonna take a break this is too much". please the answer to your questions is not some magical shit! this is why i've said before KEEP IT SIMPLE.

this goes to all anons now (not just you anon!) LEARN HOW TO EMOTIONALLY REGULATE YOURSELF. i might just make a big post on this or something.

reading

starting the journey

i've shared this too many times now

another regular article i share

disbelieve

how to let go of vanessa

i'm sorry more ada posts

another one

read this one

LEAVE VANESSA ALONE

#lainsmail #can you tell i'm holding back tears of anger #you're not incompetent YOU CAN DO IT #i mean this all lovingly anon

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unreleasedwrites · 10 months

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Bike Riding

“Hold onto me tight, that way you’ll be less scared.”

summary: Your boyfriend offers to pick you up from your workplace. Sure, this wouldn’t be the first time he’s done this, yet you cant help but be quite surprised whenever you receive a text or two from his number just a quarter till your shift is over, offering you a ride home or to his place. Knowing both of your busy schedules, the both of you tend to spend a lot of time apart from one another, so upon seeing his text pop up into your phone notifications, you happily accepted. Usually, you’d see him parking his car upfront, just around 5 minutes away from the end of your shift. But today was a little different.

character(s) included: Jonggun Park x fem!reader

cw: SLIGHTLY suggestive, Gun being pretty soft towards reader, a curse word or two, Gun and reader have been dating for a while, use of y/n, pet names, backpacking iykwim, the 1st part is more on first person pov but it switches to second person pov once gun arrives, this whole thing is surprisingly and unintentionally long, there are a few linked words you should click to get a better understanding of whats going on, and this is the first ever fic ive written 👍👍

unwrapped on: Tuesday Evening, July 18 2023

wrapped up on: Thursday Afternoon, July 20 2023

published on: Thursday Afternoon, July 20 2023 (at around 4 PM)

“Alright, would you like some napkins with your order, Sir?”

I kindly asked the customer standing in front of our pickup counter as i carefully secured the two frappuccinos he ordered in a beverage carrier then put it in our signature paper bag along with two straws and his receipt.

“Oh uh, no thanks, but you have a good night!” He replied as he grabbed the paper bag.

“Alright then, You have a good night too, Sir.” I said with the sweet smile i usually give the customers.

He smiled back at me right before he walked out of the store.

Taking a quick look at my watch, I realized its 8:27 pm. Theres about an hour till closing time. I give one of the baristas a heads-up before i leave my station to do some cleaning.

Before I got to cleaning, i turned the “We Are Open!” sign to its other side in order to signify that we’re closing up for the day. Normally, I would wait until there are only around fifteen to twenty minutes left, but the store was filled to the brim, and it’d be hard to accommodate any more customers. For as long as I can remember, its always been this way whenever its Friday, considering its the second busiest day of the week for us.

I’m tidying up some of the empty tables, while the remaining three employees of today are shuffling from working the register to making drinks, and serving orders.

*bzz bzz* Despite my phone being in my pocket, I felt its sudden vibration, which was strange, considering i have “Do Not Disturb” turned on most of the time. However I can recall a certain someone, which is Gun, who found out about how i always have that feature on as well as how my notifications are always turned off. Which is why, push notifications have been turned on for all of his messages, and all possible digital connections he might have with me ever since.

I took my phone out of my pocket, and i saw that it was 8:42 pm.

“Dang, time really does feel like its at it’s slowest when you’re having no fun..” I thought to myself.

I quickly unlocked my phone so that i could view the notification.

Notifications —

🔫 sent you a message. 8:41 pm

🔫 sent you a message. 8:42 pm

🔫 sent you an attachment. 8:42 pm

🔫 sent you a message. now

🔫 is currently typing… now

I looked at my phone with slight confusion, which was very visible from the look on my face. Gun isn’t usually the type to keep sending messages, he’d normally wait till i answer the first two or three then we’d keep the conversation going. But to my surprise, he still hasn’t stopped sending text messages, and he has even sent a few more pictures. I thought there’d have to be some sort of emergency or there might be something he needs, but upon reading his text messages, that wasn’t it.

🔫

8:41 pm you done working yet?? :(

8:42 pm Can I pick you up from work so we can spend the night at my place? ;)

8:42 pm *picture of a slightly beat up and angry goo sitting on what looks to be the couch at his and goo’s place, holding an ice pack to his nose, because him and gun don’t always manage to make the dreamwork in their teamwork*

8:42 pm u there??

8:42 pm i beat up goo to make sure he wont bother us again like last time

8:42 pm so u better not be upset abt that anymore

8:42 pm if u still are, i can and will make it up to you

8:43 pm if yk what i mean

8:43 pm *picture of your shared bedroom at their place*

8:44 pm *picture of a bunch of your favorite snacks on top of their kitchen counter, with goo visibly sneaking up to the said counter*

8:44 pm *picture of goo taking one of the said snacks*

8:44 pm *picture of goo making a run for it*

8:44 pm *picture of what looks to be gun’s point of view as hes chasing goo*

8:48 pm dw abt him

8:49 pm [now] its 8:49 in the evening, can you get off of your so called shift at 9:10 instead of 9:30 ??

“Y/N, are you alright? You’ve just been staring at your phone for the past few minutes, with an occasional smile while you’re scrolling through your screen..” One of the workers who is my friend said.

“Yeah, sorry, my boyfriend was just texting me.. I appreciate your concern though, f/n.” I quickly looked up from my phone as i spoke to her with a nervous yet sweet smile.

I was a bit startled when she approached me, holding a broomstick. But, she’s right, I’ve been staring at my phone for the past 7 minutes now, just waiting to see what hes typing and what chaotic pictures he’ll be sending. To make it worse, I wasn’t even responding to his messages, just staring. Although upon seeing the four minute gap between the last picture he sent and the message he sent at 8:48 pm made me wonder what might’ve went down between him and goo in those few minutes.

The employee who approached me is one of my close friends, she’s very sympathetic and trustworthy towards most people, especially her friends. Normally, I wouldn’t mention whether it was my boyfriend who i was speaking to or not, as it isn’t any of their business nor is it their concern. But since I’m close to the person who approached me, I did.

However, I don’t want to be the kind of person who makes their entire life about their relationship, and i wouldn’t want to be the one rubbing it in peoples face that i’m in one. But this specific friend of mine has been in a healthy relationship since we were both fifteen, meanwhile we are both turning nineteen soon. Therefore, I’m very comfortable talking to her about Gun, she seems to give pretty good advice anyway. So i don’t see any harm in doing so.

She approached me while I was cleaning the table in the corner, so we walked back to the counter together, while we chatted about our boyfriends.

Once we arrived, I took a few steps closer to the other employees,

“By the way, would you guys be alright with me leaving a bit earlier today, at around 9:10?” I nervously asked. Sure, this wouldn’t be the first time i’ve asked them if it were alright if i left early, yet i still get nervous doing so every time.

Among the three of them, none of them seemed to mind, instead, they were teasing me about my boyfriend, Gun. They even told me how I was starting to blush at even the slightest mentions of him and me together. I was a bit flustered but i just laughed it off and left the counter to finish up cleaning.

More customers were starting to exit the cafe few by few, however there were still plenty of people in the store. I started cleaning up the tables that were recently used by customers, aswell as tidying up the chairs and sweeping crumbs off of the floor.

Once I finished cleaning all the empty tables, I assisted my friend by serving a few more orders to customers in the pickup area, then i put away my cleaning materials into the workers closet, untied my apron, folded it neatly, then placed it inside of the workers closet.

Only now did I realize that i never responded to any of my boyfriends messages. I quickly grabbed my phone out of my pocket and started typing. I wasn’t really sure how i was supposed to respond especially since i only now realized its already 9:06 pm after leaving him on seen for so long, so i decided to just keep it simple.

You

now sure, oh and fyi i’m still upset

Gun only reacted with a “😒” to my message, so i ended up responding with a “😒😒” as well. Just about a few seconds later, he ended up sending me another few messages saying,

“ive been omw since like 12 minutes ago”

“even if you were rude and left me on seen for so long”

“but ill be there in like”

“2 mins”

“bitch”

I think he might be a lil angry about the fact i left him on seen for so long, considering he knows i don’t like being called a bitch.

Because of that, I just left him on seen again!

But he was quick to realize that I’m just gonna ignore him because of it, which is why he immediately sent a few more messages again.

“no wait im sorry”

“I didn’t mean it i swear”

“don’t ignore me”

“hey”

“:(”

I felt kinda bad but i just kept on ignoring his messages cause i’m petty asf.

Just about a minute passed after that, and he sent me another two messages.

“I’m here, come out”

“hurry up unless you want me to leave you”

I informed my co-workers before i left the store and waved them a small goodbye with a smile. They smiled and waved back, and i walked towards the door. I looked around the parking lot while I stood in front of the store, but I couldn’t see any of the cars i knew Gun owned. So I took my phone out to call him, but before I could even unlock it, I heard a familiar voice.

“Y/N? Do you seriously need me to come find you every time?” Gun scoffs as he walks closer to you.

“Hey, that was one time, let it go already, would ya?” you argue while putting your phone back inside your pocket.

“Well then, why is there a second time happening as we speak?” Gun states with that confident smirk on his face again.

“Well-” But before you could even finish whatever it was that you were going to say, Gun grabs your hand and looks at you.

“Never mind your stupid excuses, its late so we should get going.”

You guys walk while holding hands, which isn’t a very common occurrence when you’re in public considering Gun doesn’t want to put you in danger because you’re easily a great target for his enemies because of his “work,” which in this scenario he doesn’t tell you much about. But what really surprised you was that he was wearing gloves. “Why would he need gloves when he’s driving a car?” you thought to yourself.

You noticed that you guys are walking towards the parking area for motorcycles which confuses you, but knowing how unpredictable your boyfriend can be, you choose not to question it. That was until you noticed a familiar motorbike you knew Gun specifically owned. You didn’t think much of it, you simply assumed it could be someone else’s.

That was until Gun let go of your hand when you stopped in front of that same motorbike. He handed you a helmet with your name on it. It was matching with the helmet that he would typically wear when he’d hop on his bike. He quickly put his helmet on then got on the motorbike and looked at you. You were just standing there, holding the helmet with both your hands, nervous. Gun’s eyes moved from your eyes to the helmet you’re holding.

“Do you not like it or something? I can get you a new one if its that bad, but I really thought you’d like the design. I had it custom made to what I knew you liked, or atleast I thought so.”

“That’s thoughtful” You genuinely thought to yourself before hesitantly speaking.“Its not that, its just..”

Your boyfriend’s brow rose in confusion, knowing his very limited patience, he’s obviously waiting for a continuation of your response.

“Well?”

“I’ve never rode on a motorbike before, and its been a good while since i’ve even rode an actual bicycle..” You said. You’re quite afraid of what his response might be, as your boyfriend tends to have drastic mood changes from even the slightest of things that don’t please him.

Yet surprisingly, he got off of the motorbike and went to the other side of it, leaving the motorcycle in between the both of you. He reached his hand out to you. Not knowing a thing about motorcycles or what your boyfriend might do, you grabbed his hand. You weren’t sure how the hell were even supposed to get on the motorcycle, so you just tilted you head at him.

“Get on, I’ll hold you so you won’t fall.” “Hell, I’ll even guide you if you’re that clueless.” He added.

His words seem like they have genuine sympathy in them and even some patience left, but his tone? ehh, not so much..

You carefully but quickly examined the bike, its big. Seems hard to even get on. You saw the stick looking thing near the bottom on the side, you have no idea what its called. But what you do know is that it’s what someone usually steps on to get on a motorbike. You were too afraid to do anything so you just look back at your boyfriend. You’re genuinely surprised he managed to keep his cool up until now.

“Hey” Gun spoke outta nowhere which kind of startled you.

“Hm?” You hummed.

“Ever heard of backpacking on a motorbike?” Gun asked and you could see his usual smirk growing on his face.

You just shook your head in denial.

Gun let go of your hand and walked over to your side, he took the helmet from your hands and carefully put it on you, “That good?” he asked. “Yes, thank you” you replied. Then outta nowhere he got on his knees beside you.

You moved from facing the motorcycle to facing him who was by your side, and just stared at him. “What the fuck?” You blurted out. “Why the hell is a man with an ego higher than the steepest mountains on his knees?” You thought.

“Get on my back.” “Just crouch behind me and hold onto my shoulders, then when i stand up, I’ll lift your legs along with me.”

( note: kinda like the one in the video EXCEPT gun is on his knees and you don’t jump on his back, you just crouch behind him and hold his shoulders, then he’s holding you like how the guy is holding the girl in the video then yall get on the bike, i really hope yall can imagine and understand what im talking about 😭😭 )

People walking by were starting to give you guys weird looks, maybe they thought this guy was desperate for you or something. You just decided to go with his request anyway. Reluctantly, you walked behind him, crouched and grabbed onto his shoulders. Then he stood up, and you were basically piggy-back-riding him. Which you found quite strange, but you’re tired from work, so you don’t bother asking him anymore questions.

Next thing you know, you were on the motorbike, still holding your boyfriend’s shoulders, practically falling asleep. That was until he started the engine which startled you and you moved you hands to his waist, but you didn’t want to hugging onto him like a bug, so you thought it’d be fine for you to just barely hold his waist and keep your back and his chest apart from each other by a pretty big distance.

“You ready?” Your boyfriend asked as he looked back at you.

“Yeah, thank youuu” You reassured him despite your slightly shaking figure and gave him a smile.

“Alright then, but i’d hold on tighter than that if i were you.” He chuckled. You weren’t sure why he did but you decided to ignore it.

You noticed he kicked the side stand up which kind of distracted you, making your grip even more loose than it already was. Right then and there, he started the motorcycle but not even half of a second later, he immediately hit the brakes, hard. Which causes you to flinch like hell as it fell like you were about to fall and you’re pretty sure you almost did. You immediately hugged him tighter than you ever have before, wrapping your hands around his waist and holding onto his back like there’s no tomorrow.

“GUN!!” You screamed through your helmet.

He looked back at you, “What? I warned you~” He had a smirk spread across his face and you could tell he did on purpose, he then looked back at the road and chuckled.

You got flustered and held onto him tighter as he kept on laughing while you guys were still in the parking lot.

“Sorryy babyyyy” He looked back at you. “I’ll make it up to you later.” He was still smirking and he had a flirtatious tone on that last line. Which got you even more flustered and had you blushing like hell. Yet you were also terrified of what just happened and were shaking like crazy.

“Geez, was it that much of a scare? Your body is shaking like a speaker turned up to the highest volume.”

“If you weren’t such a dork, I wouldn’t be shaking!” You highlighted.

“Hold onto me tight, that way you’ll be less scared.”

And you did, you held on like a pet with separation anxiety towards their owner.

Then off you both went, riding through the city, making your guys’ way to his place.

notes: I don’t know if anyone is going to be reading this section or this fic even, but hello to whoever might be doing so!! 😭😭

I really hope all of my spelling and grammar isn’t f’d up but if you notice any mistakes in them, mb but I’ve read the whole fic already but i might’ve missed some mistakes 😔

This is also my first ever story/fic that i’ve written for any character, which is why i’m sorry if you didn’t like how i made Gun to be, and how i created this overall fic, but I tried my best 😔😔

Btw I made this on my phone so i hope it looks normal for any other device user out there, I might open up my laptop sooner or later to see if it does

It took me a while and as i’ve mentioned in the content warnings, i know nothing about motorcycles so if you’re a biker/rider i’m sorry if this might offend you in any way, but i ran to google back and fourth for about a million times, so i truly hope that the way i wrote about motorcycles in this fic wont bother you too much. Also, I’m sorry if yall are bothered about the fact that 35% of the fic was just reader at work 💀💀 Oh and sorry for the amount of linked pins and tiktok videos, I just wanted ppl to be sure of what was going on LMAOO

- With or without proper credits, please don’t try to steal or claim any of my works as your own

I genuinely appreciate opinions, feedback, likes, and reblogs, as this is my first ever post on this blog.

Once again, I hope this isn’t too bad for my first fic, and i’ll probably be doing more characters in lookism 🫶🫶

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horsegirlwarcrimes · 26 days

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bury's tips to ACTUALLY combat writer's block

a lot of the time when you hear writers talk about writers block and what you can do to fight it, the advice that you hear is 'just write'

i took this to be true for a long time, and it's not the worst advice or whatever. at the end of the day anything you want to get done w writing does need to be solved by simply writing. but it took me until i was writing much more regularly to realize that actually thats nonsense

there are totally things you can do to help w writers block! ive been experiencing a bout of it recently, so i thought id share some tips partially to help out those who might read this, and partially to help myself out of that same slump

FEEDING THE MACHINE. in my experience, a lot of the time writers block is less of a blockage getting in the way of a flow of creativity and more like a machine running out of fuel. thoughts, ideas, and emotions CAN come from nowhere, but... usually they are coming from somewhere! i get my worst writers block when i am bored, under-stimulated, or stuck in my real life. try getting out into the world and doing something you don't usually do. this can be wild and exciting, or small and plain. take a different route home than usual, go for a drive somewhere cool, take yourself to a garden, bookstore, museum. if you're stuck at home try a new hobby; draw a weird picture, bake something, bird watch. this is really my top advice for myself at least, and something i have to remind myself when im despairing my own worth and dedication as a writer. you cant pour from an empty cup! you cant make something out of nothing! theres no point scraping yourself dry without trying to fill yourself back up.

FEEDING THE MACHINE... DIFFERENTLY. same principal applies here, but with what stories you are consuming. what actually got me to start writing and posting fic regularly was starting work in publishing that meant i was reading 1-2 books/manuscripts every day. they were often outside my usual reading genres, and sometimes i genuinely hated them... but they were food for the machine. the brain doesn't care if you like books about cows, the brain cares about variety and expanding its horizons. read something new and interesting! try a classic. try getting into queer classics you've never heard of if you're tired of old white men. read a murder mystery or a biography of a cool person or the history of the romance novel or frued's melancholia. try that new fantasy novel youve heard good things about. even if you only end up reading three chapters, thats still something new youre giving your brain. documentaries are also great for this if you're not feeling a new book; sit back and learn something.

CLEAN UP YOUR ENCLOSURE. humans feel yucky when we're in a yucky environment. cleaning is often exhausting and annoying and it sucks, but so is sitting in an environment that makes you feel bad. try clearing off your desk or table. set something nice you like nearby! choose a sunny spot to work in.

TALK YOUR IDEAS OUT. i really struggle with this one, because i dont like bothering people and im really embarrassed about my ideas, especially in the planning stage. it can really help though! try talking to yourself in the shower like you're being interviewed about your work. try going on some chat site, find a stranger to talk to, and infodump until they leave (or stay and you've made a new friend!). ask around for someone who wants to chat ideas; you can share yours, they can share theirs. if you have a loved one who would listen, ask if they would sit down for 45 minutes and let you talk.

LIMIT DISTRACTIONS. this one also sucks but yknow. turn on forest: stay focused. close discord. ask your dog politely to stop barking. get off tumblr and stop writing advice posts about writers block. turn on some ambient music and rain noises or chappell roan's red wine supernova on loop.

may add to this later as i think of others, but the point here is that writer's block isn't laziness and, even if you do in the end just need to write, there are ways to uplift yourself and make doing so more pleasant. these also dont fully apply to what i think the actual cause is of what we often call 'writer's block,' which is just exhaustion and lack of free time; i wouldn't consider that in itself writer's block. these tips are more for when you have that time, or you're making it, but you just cant seem to make it happen.

#“but bury these also sound like tips to combat depression!”#yes.#guy who is currently job hunting and has no money to go do things o(╥﹏╥)o #must remind myself its normal to struggle for inspiration when every day is just. wake up. worry about finding job. try to find job.#clean something. go on tumblr. go on discord. read some fanfic. sleep #no that sucks the brain needs flowers and fun and sunshine to thrive #buryspeaks.mp3 #a lot in this case #writing advice #writers block #writing #fic writing #fandom #fic writers

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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...

#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did #bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried #another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one #machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem #god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8 #and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration #ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a #personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up #bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like #yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine #ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought #my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home #god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great #i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc #thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days #and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst #move. bc again. im barely a functional person #god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive #down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno #unrelated

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pansy-picnics · 1 year

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how did unknighted dream react to varian coming out/bringing home hugo lol

LMAOOO OK so this is one of my favorite things ever solely bc theres SO MANY different ways it can go and literally all of them are fucking gold

i feel like they always knew varian was Not Straight. im a big fan of the idea that varian transitions after qfad and has a big mental breakdown haircut when his dad gets trapped and considering his feelings towards both eugene and cass i think it was always this unspoken thing all of them knew about. rapunzel and eugene however were obviously Not expecting him to bring home a whole ass boyfriend

of course varian wrote tons of letters home so they both heard everything about the new friends he was making, but varian was insistent on not telling them ANYTHING about his crush because god knows how rapunzel would react if she found out about That. she was suspicious when he came back for the light trial but decided to keep her mouth shut until they were all finished with their work there

i love rapunzel and eugene being super supportive but also a Little protective. and its not really anything to do with anything hugo’s done, they’re all about second chances after all but they’re obviously not ready to see their baby brother grow up so fast. ive seen a lot of fics where one or both of them are very defensive and suspicious towards hugo and it ends with a VERY yummy confrontation from varian where he tells them they need to learn that he’s an adult now and is able to make his own choices and they have to be okay with that. but the route of them being so excited and supportive that it ends up being overbearing is also super funny and in character

i think rapunzel at first would be super excited varian is finding love, and very welcoming towards hugo on a surface level- but as time goes on the tiniest things start to make her paranoid, and she worries a lot about varian getting hurt in some way. cue her snooping around a lot just to make sure he’s okay, varian eventually confronting her about it and her apologizing and promising to recognize varian’s maturity and be more accepting of his choices.

when rapunzel actually starts to see hugo on a deeper level she starts to recognize a lot of his similarities to varian, eugene, and especially herself, and she’s now basically like “oh ok!!! new baby brother!! :)”

she then tries to be a lot more welcoming towards hugo, trying to help him settle into the castle without being too overbearing. of course from hugo’s perspective her seemingly constant mood swings make him very hesitant to trust her, but eventually through varian the two are able to bond and find a lot of common ground

eugene on the other hand is fun bc he’s way more versatile and it can go a LOT of different ways depending on how they’re introduced or how their past together is established. i love the idea of him basically becoming Cass 2.0 and being super overprotective of varian but i also like to imagine he’s mostly just so hostile towards hugo bc he recognizes so much of his younger self and is Cringing about it (he would literally NEVER admit it though). like he’s like “i cannot STAND that kid he always acts so cocky and like he’s sooo much better than me” and cass is like “lmao yeah right? he’s exactly like you when you first came here” and eugene’s just “😐”

anyways they’re best friends (they literally cant stand each other)

no they do start to get along eventually though and i have so many thoughts about the potential friendship between the former thieves, lance hugo and eugene would be SUCH a dynamic and this fandom is sleeping on it fr

and then theres cass. GOD cass is my favorite in this situation by far bc shes way more logical and is like the only grounding force between rapunzel and eugene. new dream are the overemotional parents/older siblings in this situation and cass is like. the wine aunt.

bc see cass already ran into varian at some point during his journey and has already processed most of these changes ahead of time. she already recognized how much varian had matured and how much this trip had changed him. and most importantly she recognized what was going on between him and hugo a Long time ago and literally Did Not Care

in fact cass’s main concern is literally just that she thinks hugo is annoying. its not like she’s suspicious of him at all bc she fully trusts varians judgement and also knows varian is capable of handling himself. she’s aware that varian clearly saw something in hugo and chose him for a reason. she just doesn’t like him solely out of personal bias

cass doesn’t straight up tell raps and eugene what the problem is because she knows they need to hear it from varian more than anything but she does try to kind of push them in that direction. she reminds them like “hey maybe you should try to give the kid more credit. i think he knows what he’s doing” yk that kind of thing.

ironically enough though hugo is WAY more scared of her than he is of anyone else. shes like on the same level as quirin on his list of threats which is hilarious because they are the main 2 people who have like, basically nothing against him

hugo: so is this the part where you tell me you’ll kill me if i hurt varian

cass: ? what?? oh no that bitch is fully capable of killing you himself if he wanted to

hugo: …….yeah thats fair actually.

#ask #tangled the series #rapunzels tangled adventure #vat7k #varian and the 7 kingdoms #varian #princess rapunzel #tangled cassandra #eugene fitzherbert #vat7k hugo #varigo #uknighted dream #new dream #pansy rambling again #tts headcanons #pansy-art #hugo rottewange #tangled ask

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laprimera · 7 months

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alrighty so after some reflection and getting some outside stuff prioritized Im done some blog housework so I can get comfortable here again.

im still gonna continue my hiatus until november cause the rest of October still has a lot of rl appointments and stuff going on. ill be nuking my ask and drafts to get into maximum turtle plot overdrive and just start things clean, but here's the skinny under cut:

. Ive went and cleaned up my followers list. mostly of inactive blogs, non-mutual or blogs that haven't reached out or interacted at all. I use to think I liked a busier dash but I think trying to keep up with it had been giving me anxiety even if my muses weren't involved in anything plot wise. FOMO has been really killing my vibe more then anything and I need to cut that habit out.

you're a-okay to refollow though! I'll do the same. none of this was done out of malice or a personal dislike, and I get being so busy w/ life and personal plots that you cant interact with everyone in a convenient moment. but if you see this as an opportunity to reach out then by all means! that and I might've accidentally unfollowed one or two of you cause side-blog deal, clumbsy thumbs, and uuh, dont mind me realizing that later down the line-my bad!

. unless carefully plotted otherwise, anything outside my own canons, affiliated blogs/mains or plots is no longer canon to my own. any interaction or thread initiated towards my muses will default fall into my lore/verse unless vice versa or its plotted and etc etc. It's no longer just hanging there in the void so to speak. I need to feel more in control of my own narrative I think and trying to puzzle a lot of contradicting outside plots, dash events, etc has been mentally taxing when rp shouldn't be occupying so much space or anxiety to begin with lol.

this isn't to say everything thats happening in the dash or w/ other characters isn't important ofc! and I still want to participate; it'll just fall under a crack/non-canon tag. if things end up lining up p' well with whats going on here then I might take it into canon. This is p' much what I've been doing to begin with, it's just more concrete now and Im being more careful of what Im willing to accept now. Im ofc open to discussing stuff! DMs and disco for those who have it are open always even if I take a moment to get to it!

. Im no longer answering anon asks that are personal in some way, ie, around subject matters that aren't general headcanons asks or 'hey how do you feel about-' sorta deal. I dont feel comfortable taking it to public and while I understand having the fear of being identified, it's not fair if I'm the only one bearing the subject so to speak. If you want to talk to me through DMs you can either tell me your UN (no burners either) so I can bypass permissions here to chat or you can reach me at @shiny-miltank where my IMs are not barred to mutuals only. I don't bite really! and my discord is not public. tbh Im still very anxious about being on disco to begin w/ cause social anxiety flare ups. idk tumblr dms always seemed easier to chat until I know you on a personal basis-its just worked that way.

. making it more strict that you dont? put my geeta in place of plots, events, etc that I havent participated or plotted with, nor can you make assumptions for them based on said events. as slapped on every piece on my about/rules/pinned/etc shes heavily canon-divergent to begin with so no one knows her intentions/actions (save for me ofc) and wont act in what presumed canon-geeta would do or your own version so to speak. easy enough to slap me an IM for "is it okay to-", plotting, or just make a nebulous npc stand-in.

. things that havent changed are the use of my lore and headcanons into your own! I love seeing it integrated or adapted into other lore and seeing just how much it inspires and changes over time!

this all seems rigid but really it's just reiterating whats already in my rules and no one here has been a huge offender at all :' ) this is more for me to follow and I cant thank everyone enough for their patience and creativity for as long as I've been here. Im loosey goosey and go with the flow 90 out of 100 times.

this goes for the rest of my muses, which Ill probably clean up when Im back-but yeah! miss ya'll! hope you've been doin' good! the terrapagos plot will continue then and Ill resume reaching out and leaving details! hopefully in time for dlc ; >

#ooc. ･ﾟ ✹#queue. ･ﾟ ✹#importante and stuff #sorry this is at 3 AM gdfgfd-this is like the only time Im awake ironically #but again ill be really back in november! see ya then!

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louscartridge · 1 year

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⇢ ˗ˏˋselenite

han jisung x gn reader

cw- could be really fucking triggering!! selfharm (cutting, burning, hitting, nail/skin picking, working out), comfort, cuddling, reader and jisung say ily, crying, reader goes on a vent, reader has a bit of an anger and pain problem.

han could tell you were having a hard time with staying clean.

the way you would bite your nails and the skin around them more than usual, the way you would bite the inside of your mouth and tongue all the time, they way you would hit your thighs whenever you would get mad. you wouldn’t tell him anything about it though, you didn’t have to.

when han got back to the dorms, he didn’t expect to see you there at all, let alone see you with your arms hugging your knees to your chest, head buried inbetween them and sobbing silently.

han quickly sets his bag down next to the door and makes his way over to you on his bunk. “jagiya, whats wrong?” he asks carefully.

of course he’d had ideas of what might be wrong, but he also couldn’t know for sure if he was correct. he knew that if he was right, he needed to at least try to help you in some way, but he also knew if he was way off, he had to tread around it carefully.

you take in a long, shaky breath before answering. “i cant do it anymore ji”

jisung’s heart dropped at your words.

“do what anymore?”

“stay clean. i hate it. all of it. everyone keeps telling me i’ve been nicer since i’ve been clean.” you wiped your eyes with your hoodie sleeve before continuing. “which is bullshit, by the way, i dont think i’ve been acting any different. i’m mad. all the time. i mean, i was before but whenever i would get mad i was able to do something about it. now? i can’t do shit.”

your crying begins to stop as you speak and the anger in your voice slowly increases.

“felix keeps telling me i can still do something about it, it’ll just be healthy now. which yeah, you could say that- but it’s stupid. ive tried other things, healthy things. but nothing works. pain was.. is, the only thing that actually helps me. with everything. pain is the only thing that would bring me back. i would cut and burn and hit to feel it. to see it. to see and feel that i’m real. it would bring my anger back down. i would punch a wall so hard my hand would hurt, i would throw something so hard to where my shoulder would ache. pain is the only fucking way and now i can’t even do that. i need to relapse soon or i swear to god i’m gonna go fucking insane.”

“changbin hyung says i can go to the gym with him, which i think i might do.”

jisung did nothing but gaze at you and listen until he was sure you were done. something he knew no one ever really did in your life.

when you finished and looked at him, he prepared his response.

“i know you hate it, but it’ll be worth it. eventually. and you have been nicer, to an extent.” han said and moved so he was sat next to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

“i’m pretty sure thats just how you are though.” he laughs. “and felix is right, in a way. you can still do something about it, it’ll just be healthy. it might feel like it doesn’t do anything but you just gotta get used to it and you will. it’s just gonna take time and this is the hardest part. you gotta put the effort in - you can’t just do something once and expect it to work overnight, you have to put work into it for it to have an affect on your life. something you do a lot is rely on other people.”

“oh but i thought-” you began.

jisung cut you off, knowing what he had said sounded harsh and knowing what you were going to say. ‘oh, but i thought you were ok with that’.

“you can rely on me all you want, that’s fine, as long as you know its not exactly heathy. but you can’t really do that with other people. i know pain has always been a big thing for you, has been since we met. but it’s not something that you should keep doing and you know it. do you think you’ll be able to trust yourself to work out with changbin without turning it into self-harm again?”

“i don’t know, thats why i haven’t gone with him yet. i think if i do it with someone else i would be able to. but probably not if i were to work out by myself.”

han sighed and went to say something but you didn’t let him.

“can we just go to sleep please? i’m so tired and i miss you.” you ask, your voice getting quiet.

“of course jagi.”

han moves behind you and spoons you as you both lay down.

you bury your face in his arms that encircle you.

“i love you. so much. so does chan, and felix, and everyone else in this dorm. just not as much as i do obviously.” han says quietly.

the last part of his sentence made you giggle.

“you’re becoming yourself again. it might not feel like it yet, but i can see it in you.” han says and kisses your shoulder.

“i love you.” you whisper, kissing his hands as you both fall asleep.

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kylejsugarman · 7 months

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Idk if you’ve answered this already but at what point in their relationship did Jesse tell Demi ab his past? How did that go over? How much does she know?

ive mentioned it some before but i haven't really gone super in depth!! as u all may know, i am very "and then everyone made it to alaska and everything ended up ok!! :)" minded, so i dont have a big dramatic revelation beat to my story and ultimately, jesse never tells demi that he's living under a completely new identity. however, he does tell her a Lot of other things, partially because he trusts her, partially because he feels guilty keeping things from her that might make her see him differently; he feels that she deserves to know how fucked up he is so she can escape him and avoid tying herself down to a mistake. jesse first tells her about his drug use after demi explains how her sister died, again out of that guilt and the expectation that she won't want to associate with a former(ish) addict, but demi saw firsthand how powerful addiction can be and isnt scared off. when it comes to his criminal history, it takes him a little longer to work up the nerve to disclose that stuff: he's afraid of both endangering her by letting her know what he's done and losing her. he drops a few things along the way, usually related to drug dealing and production since she was so understanding of that aspect of his past, but once they decide to get married, he feels that he owes it to her to be totally honest. the dark details of making and selling the drugs, being around violence and controlling figures. enacting violence himself. losing people. being sold into slavery. he leaves out specific identifying details (demi's never been a current events kind of person but he cant risk her connecting those dots) and places a lot of the blame on himself instead of trying to describe the people from his past who were pulling a lot of those strings. its basically an abridged version of the show's events, no names, no details in certain places (he doesnt even tell her which state he used to live in), and no forgiveness.

demi listens patiently the whole time, not asking many questions along the way. she tenses up when he touches on captivity, but otherwise her demeanor remains open and nonjudgmental. when it's over, she doesn't say anything, which is somehow worse than disgust. jesse is so wound up at this point that he flips out on her, insisting that this is her time to cut her losses. he's a criminal, a fucking murderer. he's evil. demi still doesnt react the way he wants and instead just waits until he's out of venom before reaching out to very gently smooth down his hair. petting the angry, upset dog instead of reflexively giving him away. "im sorry you've had to carry that around with you all this time," she says softly and that breaks him. because it Has been so hard carrying that around. demi asks a few more questions, clarifies a few more things, then tells him what she thinks. that she's seen how he acts now, how he treats people, how he treats himself. that she grew up with a father who sounds like the figures he alluded to in his story. that she is uncertain and insecure about a lot of things, but she's never been more sure that jesse is a good person and that she loves him irrespective of whatever came before. "im dangerous," he insists, a former fighting dog that would rather die than return to the ring. a hand on his own—"then why do i feel so safe with u?"

it's not perfect. there will always be things that jesse never shares with her and he will never totally forgive himself because as the one living person who knows the Extent of what went down, he feels that it's his responsibility to hold himself accountable for It for the rest of his life. demi's perception of him Does change, although not entirely in a negative way, and she is a little hurt that he expected her to bail so quickly and she can't lie and say that her mind doesn't occasionally drift to the fact that her husband has killed people. but at the end of the day, they're two broken people who were utterly convinced that their lives were over before they found each other. this is their second chance at life and they're never going to take that or each other for granted. whatever comes, they're going to face it together

#angrylesbianstereotype #ask #syd squeaks #i cannot fucking believe this. i cannot fucking believe u made me act up like this #i am SO SORRY in advance for how long and incoherent and just. flagrantly hand-wavey and self indulgent this is my god #jesse pinkman #demi ayuluk

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