#demi ayuluk

[kylejsugarman]

alaska family comic based on the iconic neurodivergent jellyfish reddit post. sorry for my terrible handwriting but not sorry for the jellyfish

#syd squeaks #this makes me so happy #breaking bad #jesse pinkman #baby ayuluk #demi ayuluk #syd sketches

[bookofmajora]

@kylejsugarman my hand slipped again…high key inspired by this post. I couldn’t stop thinking of the idea of homey little fridge magnets. This naturally led to think about what else would be on the fridge!

And here is a full size version of the photo in the Polaroid!

#Epileptic Jesse #Demi Ayuluk #Baby Ayuluk

[kylejsugarman]

going to narcotics anonymous helps with his drug cravings and he obviously has incentive to stay clean now that he’s a family man, but jesse still struggles. he tries to limit himself to just one or two cigarettes a day because his lungs are so goddamn bad now, but sometimes he chain smokes just to keep himself occupied and his nerves under control. he’ll occasionally binge drink to get out of his own head, rationalizing that it’s better than hard drugs even as he retches into demi’s lap later that night. occasionally, he smokes weed with mason: it helps a lot with his anxiety, but he still feels weirdly guilty about it even though demi knows and is fine with him doing it. and sometimes none of it works. sometimes he just lays there and wants so fucking desperately to get the euphoria of heroin, the ecstasy of meth. he NEEDS it. it doesn’t make sense to him because he already went to rehab, he went through withdrawals like three times, he hasn’t done a hard drug in years. he’ll catch himself trying to get in touch with one of mason’s dock buddies to see if they can hook him up. he’ll eye the opioids behind the locked cabinet door in demi’s office. he’ll get in his truck and wonder how far he would have to drive to get some pure crystal. fuck, he could MAKE it if he had the ingredients. he won’t do it, he can’t ever do it again after escaping from hell, but he’ll go through the motions in his mind, seeing and hearing and smelling every step of the cook with unwanted clarity, and end up crying because even after Everything, he still wants meth sometimes. it’s a fucked up haunting.

#syd squeaks #i am so sorry for this. i know this is cringe and so am i 🫡 please dont be mean to me #jesse pinkman #el camino #demi ayuluk #mason ayuluk #breaking bad

[kylejsugarman]

god. jesse just Doesn't understand why baby gets bullied. demi can and does explain it to him, how kids can be cruel especially to peers with autism, but it still doesn't make sense to him. she isn't doing anything wrong. she isn't being mean to anyone. what the fuck is the problem?? he and demi get a call from the school principal one day when baby's in the fourth grade. some kids have been breaking school rules about throwing snowballs at the past couple of recesses by throwing them at baby and today, she got cut in the face by one of them. the mother of the boy who threw it is also called in and jesse loses it on her once he learns what happened. "what the fuck is wrong with ur kid?? what'd she ever do to him?? what's his fucking problem??" because beyond being so angry that he can taste blood and sand, he genuinely wants to know. what did she ever do to him?? what's wrong with him?? it never makes sense to him. it's not fair.

#syd squeaks #uh oh!! he cares abt justice and the most vulnerable being protected too much!! he can't save every beetle from being stepped on!! #jesse voice: fine sure i cant set things right. but what if i actually CAN. if i try hard enough. if i believe really hard. #jesse pinkman #baby ayuluk #demi ayuluk

[kylejsugarman]

first valentines day in alaska, jesse and demi have only known each other for like 2 months so theres no la la land, theyre not even dating, but they both separately feel weird and fuzzy about it. maybe its just the loneliness thats poked holes in both of them, but not seeing each other today wouldn't be Right. it wouldn't be Wrong or anything, but it wouldn't be right. he leaves the store, not even done making up an excuse for why hes going to be coming to the vet at like 11am, and runs into demi halfway there. she was heading his way. they stand there for a minute, awkwardly giving each other their shitty excuses and going all pink in the cold, then go warm up in the drug store. there are cards, a little display of candy and those fake roses. they both try very hard not to make eye contact with the display (then separately wonder "were they waiting for Me to make the first gesture?? did i blow things??") and sort of fumble around for a while before going out to the parking lot for a smoke. he takes out two cigarettes (one for him, one for her) without thinking about it and by the time he has his, demi is ready with her lighter. she lights his first, hand cupped around the flame to keep the wind from stealing it. theres something he wants to say about this, but he cant string the words together. he walks back to work in the slush and never once feels the cold.

#syd squeaks #the rubber coating around the charger thats my brain wore out tonight and its all spilling out #jesse pinkman #demi ayuluk #id say sorry for this but im really tired and idk if sorry's the right word. but sorry anyway

[kylejsugarman]

baby gets a homework assignment in fourth grade to create a family tree and its really, really hard for her to articulate why she doesnt want to do it. because no matter which way she completes it, it'll be Wrong somehow. she can't find the words to express her anxiety and distress, so she just rips the assignment in half and puts the halves in the trash. her parents find it later and when they try to talk to her, baby insists that they can't talk about it and as much as she Hates the idea, she'll take the red "x" on her homework sheet so they don't have to talk about it. "it's all so bad. we can't talk about it." and i mean what can jesse or demi really say to refute her?? he's a loose clipping disguised as a new seed with no lineage to speak of; she's a straggling limb that only barely survived a forest fire. demi doesnt even know the last name of baby's biological father. there's something that could be said about "family" as a flexible term and family trees being more than rigid lines and boxes, but for two chronically lonely twenty-somethings and a lost little girl, how do u find those words?? she's right: they Can't talk about it.

#syd squeaks #peter parker voice: if someone told u this was a happy story. Somebody Lied. #i love found family to shreds but like its so complex and so difficult #baby ayuluk #jesse pinkman #demi ayuluk

[kylejsugarman]

also who am i kidding by trying to be non-cringe about it: today (2/21) is demi ayuluk's birthday and she is a beautiful woman who is growing to love her life and love living in general. be so niceys to her 💕

#syd squeaks #they are going to drag me away for being like this #demi ayuluk

[kylejsugarman]

did a smudgy little sketch of jesse and demi to decompress earlier………..are u mad at me 🥺

#syd squeaks #girls will be too lazy to get an eraser and then wonder why their sketch looks Bad and Messy #anyway. what if they were in love. #jesse pinkman #demi ayuluk #syd sketches

[kylejsugarman]

escaped to alaska. met this girl. and let’s just say sparks are flying.

#syd squeaks #she lit his cigarette with hers. because they are in love. even if they don’t know it yet #jesse pinkman #demi ayuluk #syd sketches

[kylejsugarman]

during the Earlier days of alaska and dating, jesse's immune system is still in the process of rebuilding itself after being absolutely Obliterated, so when baby gets sick, demi gives him a call to be like "hey we're probably not going to be able to hang out for a few days, baby's sick and i dont want u to catch whatever shes got :/". and he completely understands and appreciates her concern, but like. thats his friend. it just feels bad to know that he Could be helping out and doing something anything to make baby feel better, but his body is too much of a pussy to make that happen. this incident inspires him to actually start taking vitamin c supplements like demi is always suggesting (not telling, although he can tell by her face that if she was a little pushier or louder, she would be Telling him to take them) so he can show up for the both of them the next time someone gets sick

#syd squeaks #who's going to tell baby that its literally Okay to miss a day of second grade if hes not there :( #we are reaching critical levels of self indulgence with this one #jesse pinkman #demi ayuluk #baby ayuluk

[kylejsugarman]

demi kisses all the scars and burns on jesse’s body because she loves him. if u even care.

#syd squeaks #me trying to recall jesse’s chest tattoo: im picturing a seahorse but i know its not a seahorse. might as well draw a seahorse anyway #jesse pinkman #demi ayuluk #syd sketches

[kylejsugarman]

how does baby do during her first semester of college, when she’s just 17? how do jesse and demi adjust to having no kid at home?

oughhh ive always hesitated to talk about this specific transition because its so tough for all parties involved......like yay super close family unit formed :) oh god the linear nature of growth and change :( they try to plan it all out and prepare Really well for the moment where jesse and demi leave campus after moving her in and baby stays behind to start school so that it's a "clean break", but it lasts like. the road trip back home. before baby calls like (1 million bad feelings too big to express) "I Want To Come Home" and it's nearly impossible for both of them to not be like "yes ma'am right away" (gets right back into the car for the 12 hour drive) because they also want her to come home. its been just the three of them for so long that its so hard to suddenly split up and deal with that sudden change when part of the comfort of their family was that like. there didnt Have to be dramatic life changes anymore

demi has more experience with the transition to college life, so she's the one who helps baby deal with not having as Consistent of a routine and adjusting to living with a roommate when theyre both people who value having their own private space. baby misses structure and familiarity and doesnt leave her dorm room for anything other than class for almost the entire first semester because the newness of campus is too overwhelming and she doesnt have any solid points of contact. demi completely sympathizes and tries her best to consistently coax baby out of her dorm over the phone and advises her to consider joining a study group for her favorite class, which ends up being the jumping off point for baby actually meeting some people and leaving her room. jesse feels bad that he cant offer more concrete support and advice like demi, but his emotional support is crucial to her even surviving that scary first semester. he'll drop everything to talk on the phone with her no matter the time of day, giving her that safe and familiar base to return to, and its not uncommon for her to ask him to stay on the phone with her until she falls asleep, especially during those early weeks. he only ever posts mail under demi's name just out of paranoia, but he sends her lots of letters that are mostly just doodles and brief tangents and physical photos of the dogs, all of which end up hung on her walls to comfort her. she relies A Lot on them that first year and they're happy to help her: baby is a kid who Needs support and they provide it because they love her and want her to feel like she can pursue her dreams with room and cushioning to fail and fall.

as for jesse and demi being empty-nesters, it's just really Weird at first. they're obviously doing a lot of parenting from a distance and they initially talk about baby all the time out of their joint concern for her wellbeing, but it's odd not having her there. they were also kind of relying on a routine that's now gone. demi's depression resurges and she loses interest in all of her hobbies, letting her garden grow over. she just feels really lost and directionless: taking care of baby and being her guardian was demi's New purpose after losing the rest of her family. jesse backslides some, smoking All The Time since they dont have to worry about indoor smoke triggering baby's asthma and getting high with mason pretty frequently rather than just occasionally. he needs a distraction from the hole in his life, the huge amount of loss he'd incurred that had later been filled by demi and of course baby. that was his buddy :( his best friend. it's tough for both of them to confront and express these feelings, but they've gotten a little better at being Open over the years. sheila drags them out of the house as often as possible to hang out with her and her wife so theyre not just sitting around feeling sad. she basically instructs them to make more friends and strengthen their preexisting friendships (sheila knows best, after all) and just keep enjoying life. they're still young!! they're not even 40 yet!!!!! hanging out with other people definitely helps, but just having each other during that time is the most potent method of coping. not having baby there for the first time Ever in their relationship makes both jesse and demi realize how much they love one another and how closely their lives and hearts are now intertwined. its a really hard time for everyone involved, but by the time winter break rolls around, all three of them are definitely in a better place than where they started :)

#syd squeaks #anon do u have any idea how much this warmed my heart. answering this was the most fun ive had all week :') #it poured out of me i had so much fun writing this #jesse pinkman #demi ayuluk #baby ayuluk #mason ayuluk #sheila burton

[kylejsugarman]

Idk if you’ve answered this already but at what point in their relationship did Jesse tell Demi ab his past? How did that go over? How much does she know?

ive mentioned it some before but i haven't really gone super in depth!! as u all may know, i am very "and then everyone made it to alaska and everything ended up ok!! :)" minded, so i dont have a big dramatic revelation beat to my story and ultimately, jesse never tells demi that he's living under a completely new identity. however, he does tell her a Lot of other things, partially because he trusts her, partially because he feels guilty keeping things from her that might make her see him differently; he feels that she deserves to know how fucked up he is so she can escape him and avoid tying herself down to a mistake. jesse first tells her about his drug use after demi explains how her sister died, again out of that guilt and the expectation that she won't want to associate with a former(ish) addict, but demi saw firsthand how powerful addiction can be and isnt scared off. when it comes to his criminal history, it takes him a little longer to work up the nerve to disclose that stuff: he's afraid of both endangering her by letting her know what he's done and losing her. he drops a few things along the way, usually related to drug dealing and production since she was so understanding of that aspect of his past, but once they decide to get married, he feels that he owes it to her to be totally honest. the dark details of making and selling the drugs, being around violence and controlling figures. enacting violence himself. losing people. being sold into slavery. he leaves out specific identifying details (demi's never been a current events kind of person but he cant risk her connecting those dots) and places a lot of the blame on himself instead of trying to describe the people from his past who were pulling a lot of those strings. its basically an abridged version of the show's events, no names, no details in certain places (he doesnt even tell her which state he used to live in), and no forgiveness.

demi listens patiently the whole time, not asking many questions along the way. she tenses up when he touches on captivity, but otherwise her demeanor remains open and nonjudgmental. when it's over, she doesn't say anything, which is somehow worse than disgust. jesse is so wound up at this point that he flips out on her, insisting that this is her time to cut her losses. he's a criminal, a fucking murderer. he's evil. demi still doesnt react the way he wants and instead just waits until he's out of venom before reaching out to very gently smooth down his hair. petting the angry, upset dog instead of reflexively giving him away. "im sorry you've had to carry that around with you all this time," she says softly and that breaks him. because it Has been so hard carrying that around. demi asks a few more questions, clarifies a few more things, then tells him what she thinks. that she's seen how he acts now, how he treats people, how he treats himself. that she grew up with a father who sounds like the figures he alluded to in his story. that she is uncertain and insecure about a lot of things, but she's never been more sure that jesse is a good person and that she loves him irrespective of whatever came before. "im dangerous," he insists, a former fighting dog that would rather die than return to the ring. a hand on his own—"then why do i feel so safe with u?"

it's not perfect. there will always be things that jesse never shares with her and he will never totally forgive himself because as the one living person who knows the Extent of what went down, he feels that it's his responsibility to hold himself accountable for It for the rest of his life. demi's perception of him Does change, although not entirely in a negative way, and she is a little hurt that he expected her to bail so quickly and she can't lie and say that her mind doesn't occasionally drift to the fact that her husband has killed people. but at the end of the day, they're two broken people who were utterly convinced that their lives were over before they found each other. this is their second chance at life and they're never going to take that or each other for granted. whatever comes, they're going to face it together

#angrylesbianstereotype #ask #syd squeaks #i cannot fucking believe this. i cannot fucking believe u made me act up like this #i am SO SORRY in advance for how long and incoherent and just. flagrantly hand-wavey and self indulgent this is my god #jesse pinkman #demi ayuluk

[kylejsugarman]

i dont care about constructing a super accurate and narratively consistent au squared timeline. i care about demi and baby coming with jesse to the schrader household for hank-promised dea protection and marie unconsciously disregarding all of hank's warnings about "these people" to make a hot cup of coffee for jesse and break out the toys she keeps around for holly so baby has something to play with and pour a glass of wine for demi that night as they wait and hope for someone to put walter white away

#syd squeaks #marie is already so not immune to jesse. can u imagine what More would do to her #jesse pinkman #baby ayuluk #demi ayuluk

[kylejsugarman]

when does baby get into amusement parks??

(sorry for letting this ask languish but i wanted to save it as a post-study treat for myself) she gets into them when she's 7ish and checks out one of those promotional "a day at disneyland" dvd's from the library. its obviously mostly a prolonged commercial but it shows a ton of park footage and the hosts share lots of fun facts and there's a mini history lesson at the beginning about walt. baby LOVES this dvd and checks it out 1 million times and starts using some of her computer time to look up more facts about disneyland and eventually disney world and other theme parks. she doesnt really care about the properties much: she's just super fascinated by the way the parks are laid out like tiny cities and the elaborate theming and the ride engineering. sea world is of course fascinating to her and she spends like multiple months researching the dolphin/whale shows and solemnly pondering her stance on the ethics of keeping these animals captive. it's hard for her to get her hands on a lot of physical media about the more mechanical, dry aspects of theme parks when she's younger (this is a pre-defunctland world), so she does a lot of internet searching during her computer time and holds onto promotional material and merch from parks just to have Images of rides. jesse and demi can't directly feed this special interest the way they can her others (again, not a lot of non-youtube content out there for a while and alaska is pretty far away from the elaborate theme parks she's interested in), but they still listen intently when she shares her facts and let her have extra computer time for her "research" (baby loves research. so much.). one of demi's biggest wins as a parent is when she finds out about an entire episode of the educational program "popular mechanics for kids" (aka the greatest television show ever made) dedicated to roller coasters and briefly goes postal trying to find a dvd of it for baby. this becomes baby's favorite dvd in the world and even after she grows up and gets access to more theme park content as it becomes more popular, she still prefers this episode of pmk to all of it (demi: this is the best day of my life. jesse: yo is that kid the fucking dude who's in "knocked up"??)

#anonymous #ask #syd squeaks #anon this question was my carrot on a string for like this entire week thank u #baby ayuluk #demi ayuluk #jesse pinkman

[kylejsugarman]

OC questionnaire

tagged by @rosayoro thank u so much!! :') Any Excuse to talk about my girls

name baby yaari ayuluk-driscoll

nickname baby girl, bebe

gender female

star sign aries

height 5'2"

orientation lesbian

nationality/ethnicity yup'ik

fave fruit blueberry

fave season summer

fave flower pansies

fave scent fabric softener, cedar

coffee, tea, or cocoa hot cocoa!!

avg hrs of sleep 6

dogs or cats cats

dream trip hawaii

number of blankets 3

random fact Baby loves to swim so much and instantly finds the closest indoor pool whenever she moves someplace new (college, doctoral school, work) so she can start her mornings off with a good long quiet swim to wash away the previous night's sleep.

name demi malee ayuluk-driscoll

nickname dem, aa'icagaq, petite danseuse

gender female

star sign pisces

height 5'6"

orientation straight

nationality/ethnicity yup'ik

fave fruit mango

fave season summer

fave flower zinnias, marigolds, coneflowers

fave scent earth, coffee

coffee, tea, or cocoa chamomile or jasmine tea

avg hrs of sleep 5

dogs or cats dogs

dream trip versailles

number of blankets 1

random fact Demi is kind of a thrifting fiend without realizing it. She habitually shops at Goodwill and secondhand stores just because she grew up on a tight budget and doesn't like spending money on non-necessities, and ends up so thrift store-pilled that she'll faint in a Target at a DVD priced at 15 USD.

#syd squeaks #im so normal (<- experienced epic highs and lows answering these simple questions about people who do not exist) #rosayoro #baby ayuluk #demi ayuluk #jesse pinkman