#and i dont drive/have a car

[soldier-poet-king]

Like. Idk if it's just being 26 and living in my parents basement (by need not choice) far away from any sort of walkable community or if it's the Mental Illness or if being in ur 20s is just constantly like this or if being /alive/ is just like this

But there's this constant sense of dread, the fear that life is always going to be this and the loneliness is inescapable and I'll never really have friends or community and I'll just be too tired and sad and isolated forever

Like I'll never recapture the sense of community and friendship I had during my MA. My only two irl friends are both in long term relationships and while I know they love me I'm just not a constant priority, and besides, distance makes things difficult and we don't see each other often. Everyone is busy with their own lives and their bfs and it's a lot of work to keep up with each other. I can't make friends at work everyone is SIGNIFICANTLY older than I am, im treated like a kid not an equal, and besides certain elements of my workplace mean I can't really express myself truly there - which is fine! It just means I can't really make friends there, even if I had coworkers who were closer in age

I know so many adults in my life in their 50s who have no friends, no social life, nothing beyond their immediate nuclear family. And let's be real, I'm not even going to have that. It's such a horrible way to be and I am constantly afraid it's permanent

If it is, so be it. I'll survive. I've got little hobbies and books and one day I'll have a kitchen I have control over and some herbs growing on the windowsill and maybe a cat that naps in the sun. I can wring small joys from bloody stones. It's not my purpose in life, I have things I ought to be doing, Bigger, Better ideals to work towards and whether or not I'm aching doesn't really matter in the end does it. The Shire is saved but not for me etc etc etc

It just hard sometimes

#i think i watched too much cr and it made me feel worse #every once and awhile it makes me feel really sad #bc like. its about friendshio and community #close bonds between people who love each other and see each other frequently #and the only ppl i ever see are my family and coworkers #i leave the house for work and church #even if i wasnt horrible sad tired all the time #theres nothing NEAR me. and im so far out from transit lines it takes an hour plus to get anywhere #and i dont drive/have a car #so i cant even try to find community. take a class. have an extracurricular activity. etc #not to mention thatd kill my anxiety #but maybe id try smthn new if i could access it and afford it #anyway. im going. to lie in bed and drink and cry #and probs read really angsty indulgent fanfic

[roomy-ghosted]

None of these bitches are wearing seatbelts by the by and I love that they're all probably for different reasons.

#I say the reasons at the end of the taglist tehe #jrwi #the suckening #jrwi suckening #arthur bennett #shilo bathroy #shilo bathory #hate he has two spellings #jrwi grefgor #jrwi grefgore #emizel tucker #emizel doesn't fucking care about road safety so he's chilling #Gref and Shilo both have never been in a car before so they dont know they need to seatbelt up #arthur doesn't think he'll crash but he has the tenacity of Ceasere Zomburger whilst driving to me #('I will /CRASH/ this BUTCH MECHANISM!') #also the shit he(ceasere) says about parking #Arthur fucking drives on the left still as well. like tell me this man is not fucking dumbass whilst driving #also watch bigtop burger for me bye <3

[intotheelliwoods]

Guess who got to see a Solar Eclipse at the 4 Corners! (the bobble leos did. this trip was for them actually- they didnt even pay for gas)

#2 arms left #aha so eepy #had to wake up so early to drive here and I am very tired #relax weekend for me dont expect much aha #did I have a tag for the bobble leos I forget #anyways you know how some people have like a stuffed animal or something they take on all their travels #and photograph them next to the places they have been to #thats me. but with the bobble leos lmao. #If you ever see bobble leos on the dashboard of someones car congrats thats my car #as for I take them everywhere #im so sad I could not find the welcome signs for arizona or utah #also why is the new mexico sign like. decked in stickers. while the colorado welcome sign is as pure and clean as ever #do people prefer sticking them on metal as opposed to wood or something #im also so sad the whole place I was at didnt go pitch dark aha #the moon was def over the sun #just wasnt close enough to darken the place #as in where I was it was perfectly over the sun too!

[curioscurio]

Got up early (for me), ate a light and healthy breakfast, applied to some jobs, took a long mental health walk with the dogs, gave one of them a bath, and even did some phone calls and messaging regarding my medication and pharmacy problems and managed to sort it out without breaking down!!! And! Showered!! Kicking ASS at mental health today

#im studying myself like a bug. with no judgement or compulsive self hate when i see the results. and then doing something different based on #those results #and its working #ive noticed that im much more productive when i have someone else to help or listen to. its a little uh sad because im not easily able to #to take care of myself and do things for MYSELF. but if its for someone else then its like i gain momentum #going out to clean out MY car? well i dont care how gross it is im not worth the effort. #cleaning out my car for my brother who i drive to therapy every other week? fuck yes its going to be nice and clean because therapy is impo #rtant and i want to help you stick with it and so we make it not a chore but lighthearted sibling time #like do you get it #anyway slow progress is still progress #the number of good days are slowly catching up to the number of bad days #post beginning of the pandemic 2020 was so brutal on me. moving back in with my parents especially #but i have a plan now . a real one. and friends to help me as well ! #oops rambling in the tags haha #long tags

[cemeterything]

i hate mania so much like i KNOW i'm hastily building a tower of bad decisions that will inevitably collapse on my own head and bury me in a mountain of shame and regret and agonizingly overdue self awareness but the alternative is being physically nauseated by my own inertia so i have no choice but to keep stacking bricks

#🐉 #mental health tag #times like this i wish i had a car so i could drive down the highway playing loud music until i wear myself out #but im also glad i dont have a car because driving in this mental state would be a really bad idea

[artsyunderstudy]

bad news gang im hella cursed

#personal #got into a 7 car pile-up a little over a month ago #car totalled #had to pay a deductible because apparently that shit is complex and i wont get reimbursement for a while from the person who was at fault #because it was SEVEN CARS and they might not even have enough coverage #took weeks but i got a new car #and then today i was driving to work #for only the second time since the first accident occurred #and a cement truck merged into my lane and right into my driver side #took off my door handle and side mirror #and it might be totalled #and if its fucking totalled the car isnt worth what i still owe on it #because i bought it less than a month ago #guys #im so fucking cursed #i am not injured tho sorry i should have put that sooner #dont worry i still have all my bits and bobs #except perhaps my sanity and happiness #cw car accident

[neechees]

In addition to a large number of other reasons, I just dont really see the point of getting a driver's license unless I already have a car, and I dont see the point in getting a car because thats just another unneccesary expense that I don't have money for to not only buy, but to upkeep (and I know NOTHING about mechanics or car upkeep and I have no interest in learning), and that'd I'd be adding to my life.

But it's also just very weird that people act like you can't be a "real adult" if you don't drive. I am an adult, and it's my adult decision to not drive. Maybe I will in the future but that's my business. If I wanted to, I would learn. But I dont want to.

#i feel like i dont tend to go places enough that i cant just get other people to drive me #like other various reasons of me not driving include: #I'm afraid of driving. im even afraid of driving our ATV & i always drive slowly. #i have adhd & i zone out a lot & im terrified of doing that on the road #not eco friendly & carpooling is better. id sooner buy a horse with the money it takes to buy & upkeep a car. #im desperately afraid of hurting someone. cars are dangerous & a big responsibility. i do not want that

[mychlapci]

i have a fantasy about driving a transformer around and for some reason, maybe some decepticons saw us or something, to keep our cover we've gotta stop at a gas station. so i stop, i park, i get ready to pump the gas, and they cant even tell me not to do it because that would give them away, so they stay quiet as i basically fuck their valve with the gas pump. and theyre squirming in their altmode trying to keep their engine from rumbling, fans from clicking on, fluids spurting around the gas pump as they struggle to hold back an overload... or maybe they overload embarrassing quickly and have to hold back the shudders as their overstimulated valve keeps getting filled...

#hello guys. it is currently 1pm i'm on the train and i'm having normal thoughts about normal things #valveplug #gas is expensive so economically this fantasy is not feasible for me and also i cant drive but you see where im coming from #literally dont even care which bot it is i just wanna fuck a car #do i have to tag this as dubcon i dont know

[staryarn]

That face looks familiar but you can't put a name to her.

Her voice fills your head.

" If only I could go back. Back to the way things used to be. The world full of noise and colors "

- Call out her name

- Cover your ears and listen to the silence

#shiko speaks #audio #video #cathygalia #limbus company #project moon #catherine limbus company #argalia library of ruina #thats as many tags as she'll get #I dont want to explain to my parent to drive me into the desert just so I can take a funny picture of a cardboard cutout #I might do it in the future if its funny enough but also id have to actively like. travel far enough outta town into the desert #and far enough without cars passing by (lighting) and do it without looking weird #I could technically walk across my neighborhood to a tiny ass park but. hard to explain and also weird

[1kari]

please help me by reblogging ‼️

hello im dylan. i make what money i can through doordashing but that barely covers even half of my bills and nowhere else will hire me rn (slow season in a tourist town). my car payment and car insurance are both scheduled to come out of my bank acct today and i barely have enough to cover the $135 in my checking account leaving me to have to use my credit card for my $150 car insurance. i also really need to buy groceries and get gas which i desperately need to keep working.

i currently am over $1000 in debt on my credit card and i really can’t afford to keep piling up the bills on it. the monthly fee ($99) for my HRT service just came out as well so i really need at least $400.

$155 (insurance) + $99 (hrt) + $60 (gas) + $100 (groceries) to at least get my credit card back down to only owing $1000. ideally i want to pay that all off but i know there’s no way i’m crowdfunding 1400. thank you guys this isnt terribly urgent but the sooner i can pay it off the better. ❤️

$10 / $400

#im so mad. my fucking car insurance price keeps going up and i dont know why. i dont get tickets i drive safely and make my car payments on #time. but nooo geico says kill yourself fagggot #anyway. of course no pressure to donate as always but sharing would be much appreciated #gonna queue this a bunch sorry in advance #thought i was over this!!! but nope. doordash doesnt pay jack shit either #if i cant figure something out ill have to move in w my mom across the country and id probably just kill myself there so! not ideal

[seiwas]

iwaizumi tells you that if those barbell hip thrusts aren’t making your legs shake the same way he does, then you aren’t doing it right 😔

#he says it to u when u ask him INNOCENTLY how to tell if ure doing it correctly while on the drive back home #and he says it while making a turn by a stoplight so he isnt even looking at u when he says it . so casually . u spit out ur drink #and when he watches u do it in the gym next time u make eye contact and r reminded of it SO MUCH u dont think u can concentrate #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader #but ofc u have to . bc he’s staring at u . waiting for u to do it . and iwaizumi everywhere else is ur loving bf #but in the gym he’s Actually your Living Hell 😭 #so u do it . and u shake . TERRIBLY . like he has to help get the barbell off u . and by the end of leg day your legs feel like JELLO #u get out of the gym and he actually has to carry u to d car otherwise you’d be limping for the rest of the afternoon #and the MENACE that he is . COMPLETELY INCONSIDERATE (just this once) . makes ur legs shake even more that night 😭 #(gets absolutely TURNED ON by u killing it at the gym) #everytime i step into the gym i have iwa thoughts and it kiLLS me #iwa hours open again rn so sorry 😭 gonna head back out now ………… #i mEAAAAAANNN WHAAAAAAAATTTT i didnt write this #bye #hajime #rated #shotorus.bubble

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ah yes! the joys of executive dysfunction and something being Fundamentally Broken In Your Braincase!

#quick vent Look Away Nothing To See Here #i just needed to place my emotions somewhere before i really started to spiral #texts from cherished friends should not cause nausea-level anxiety! and yet! #here i am! running away from the ever-present miasma of guilt and stress! #you know a few months ago i was like 'im going to be better about responding im going to do better' #i Immediately started doing Worse! #i think i stressed myself out too much #pretty much every relationship i have ends up completely deteriorating due to my own insecurities and guilt and fucked up brain <3 #ah yes and how could i forget the Commitment Issues and Emotional Block #mentally i am banging my head into a wall #but its fine Its Fine #i mean its not. its really not. but sometimes it seems like the harder i try the harder i fail #which is something i should be used to by now! #okay so it looks like i Am Indeed spiraling so #i am going to go... list some good things in this world and uhhh #well i dont have the car this weekend so cant go for a drive and some boba. um. #i need to organize my room table Yes that sounds distracting and falsely productive #not gonna tag this with anything actually. #love treating tumblr like my personal diary #ah yes its just me. my personal feelings. and the couple thousand people that follow me. #perhaps i will also buy something online with one of the gift cards i found the other day #buttons from michaels!!! i need buttons! i will go do that! #with the knowledge that i have unopened messages to respond to looming in the back of my mind like a noose! yippee yahoo!!! #gonna... turn of replies/rbs just this once since its just a Vent #i just needed to get it Out yk? not looking for anything other than relieving pressure on my brain #ok it looks like i cant turn of replies for individual posts #just... pretend you didnt see this for both our sakes <3 #look away look away

[hoarder-of-dragons]

Crowley: Now I know this is all sudden and you can say no if you want- Aziraphale: Yes Crowley: No angel listen, I know it's been a short while since Armageddont and I know you really aren't for risks but- Aziraphale: Crowley yes for heavens sake! Crowley: Angel are you really sure Aziraphale: FOR MY OWN SAKE CROWLEY YES I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO ASK FOR CENTURIES Crowley: You been... waiting for me to ask you to drive the Bentley Aziraphale:

#Aziraphale: Crowley dear please tell me your car is an innuendo #this has been in my drafts for a year so might as well #especially after season 2 #dont ask why crowley wants aziraphale to drive his car #the oblivious fool and the tired fool #im sorry im posting earlier draft btw i have an exam so ehh #good omens season 1 #good omens #incorrect good omens #good omens s1 #armageddon't #neil gaiman #incorrect quotes #ineffable husbands #ineffable partners #aziraphale #anthony j crowley #david tennant #michael sheen #incorrect good omens quotes

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

can dnp’s april fools joke be silence?? like haha you guys thought we’d do something and we didn’t do anything gottem! unless it’s dan and phil crafts reboot or another 6 hour livestream of an animal then i don’t want to hear from them tomorrow. pls i’m so scared how will i sleep tonight

#dnp stfu challenge #the psychic damage done by the phude is something i’m still trying to recover from #and i can’t bc they keep flashing it in my face every other video #i was in the car with my friend when i saw the phude last year i let out a scream of horror #she was like DONT DO THAT WHILE IM DRIVING and that is so valid #dnp #dan and phil #but there was actually no other reaction i could have had #phan #dan howell #daniel howell #amazingphil #phil lester #yeet my deet #danisnotonfire #yeet my deenp

[introspectivememories]

yukierre is just the worlds longest game of gay chicken and they're both losing. badly.

#have you seen the videos??? #they're def fucking and if not.... these are some elaborate mind games them #that one video where pierre is like 'oh people will say we are gay now bc i am in a room with you and you are shirtless' #and some staff member goes 'what do you mean /now/?' #.... i was gagged honestly #and the lap sitting???? #like what're we doing babes??? you dont have cars to drive???? #and also yuki babe.... pierre??? really??? why pierre???? #yuki tsunoda #pierre gasly #yukierre #f1

[thisisreal-really]

once again asking for lokius au where they are bitter exes who ended things on a bad term but are now forced to spend time together under some ridiculous circumstances.

#lokius #COME ON their married and divorced at the same time energy in s1 is giving ex bf literallyyyy #also why did they break up? i dont know #why do they have to spend time together? i also do not know #maybe they are forced to share the same rental car as they drive back to their hometown to attend the wake and funeral of their old friend #OR maybe a wedding (cliche but more lighthearted!) #this post is brought to you by that one markwardo fic with automatic fb feed reading #you know the one