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sabaramonds · 6 months

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if anyone is wondering if im going to do an analysis of double & mikoto i uhhh need to find more stuff to read in english about psychiatric care and dissociative disorder patients in japan but given what ive found so far im like. well this is what i expected from milgram ill be honest having read the voice drama tl and watched the mv 8573485 times (omg hanae natsukis vocals) i do have a few thoughts. mentions of CSA and childhood abuse below as well as medical abuse - mikoto2 ("john" LMFAOOOO) claims he was born from mikotos workplace stress and implies that mikoto did not have DID prior to that; DID is only developed in childhood, but its common to live your life without knowing about it until adulthood (the average age at diagnosis is 29-35 years as of a 2007 paper on sciencedirect i just double checked; according to a 2009 piece from the national library of medicine, the average patient for a diagnosis is a woman of about 30 years old and a retroactive view of the patients medical history and symptoms tend to reveal a lifetime of DID symptoms) so basically im saying that its equally possible deco and yamanaka are unaware of this or mikoto2 is lying his ass off because why would he want to tell some amnesiac teenage prison warden btw the reason i exist is because mikoto was abused as a child. why do you think our mom divorced our dad. even if es likely researched it themself and is probably aware of the statistical likelihood that mikoto experienced long term childhood abuse, why would mikoto2 say it...especially if that abuse was sexual in nature - according to this video recorded by a japanese man (a recovering hikkikomori who experienced forced hospitalization in the past), the 2017 statistics for mental hospital inpatients was that there were 280,000 patients at the time, and 170,000 of those were hospitalized for over a year. 90,000 had been in hospital care for more than 5 years and 26,000 had been in care for 20 years. he also references that most psychiatric care facilities are private in nature, not government-run, so they prioritize the amount of patients they receive in a short period of time because it earns them more profits (another video i watched compared this practice to a mcdonalds burger vs a proper restaurant; make more at a cheaper cost). likewise, long term care facilities dont want to let their patients go easily, because even if families or the patient cant afford to cover the cost, insurance or the government social security system will cover it. a combination of the psychiatric business as its run and the broader cultural attitude towards mental health (in some cases, families do not want their shame to be public, and actively do not want their mentally ill relative to be released from the hospital; if this is the case, its more likely for a patient to be forcibly hospitalized long term without anyone outside to advocate for their release) so im kind of like. hm. (see saw motion with my hand) as far as rep goes i think its kinda middling, especially because mikoto2 is the Alter Who Kills People For Some Reason trope, which always sucks and basically every journal, article, or vlog ive looked into from people with DID has said "god please stop with the murder alter trope please please", but considering the source material i think its...well, its honestly better than what i was expecting. but milgram is designed to be abstract to a certain extent and were still missing information, so who knows. maybe yamanaka and deco have something else up their sleeve regarding mikoto. but yeah i couldnt find anything specifically regarding patients with DID (or related disorders) but i did only poke around for like 2 hours in the middle of the night soooo ill come back to it and that concludes my findings on this topic for today. stay tuned for my next mikoto fic installment or whatever

#milgram #kayano mikoto #the 574875384 tabs i have open whenever im looking into anything ever. the rabbit holes.#i started watching some guy from kyoto cook omelettes in a minimized window while reading about kenmi shrine exorcising inugami from people #on the regular #and then i fell asleep. typical.#my ramblings #edited to adjust some wording because i made a miss steak

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threenorth · 10 months

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Healing of past traumas..and starting to assemble the frame. and i also list some possible triggers TW: I am currently in mental crisis as a lot has happened to trigger me hard in the past few days...but that’s life.a lot in this one. , trauma and pain,blood, bikes,balloons...dad wanting to talk about my trip, etc i don't know just a bit of about everything...

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------- In the search of pain, once had. piece by piece..framing up the picture. we start with..

You might not remember, but there was a time you called me Charlie. I thought it was cute, but i didn't call you Sam. at the end of perks, In the dinner where Sam and Patrick are talking with Charlie about college.

I got you anchor neck-less because Sam was wearing an anchor earnings at the dinner. I remember you said you like the small things, you also never really wore neck-less expect your dad’s dog tag and I wanted you to have the somethings small, around your neck.

I also told you that - you calm my seas, when my seas were rough you would anchor me, and that was true... I remember you wore it to your prom, and how i wish i could of danced with you. Until one day, in a movie with a horror movie playing when i am at my happiness my truma can hit me the hardest and soooo.. that trailer played and all my trauma came back at me and all the things I couldn't explain how I felt to you, it was like I was feeling everything and nothing and all i wanted to do is die, i almost wanted to ask you to just kill me now but you would of thought i was joking and let the pain end, and my mental health got worse with closing my eyes and opening them to see you with the flickering images and trauma inter-winded of blood and screaming and I couldn't explain my feelings, I ignored everything to do with you because it caused me pain and to much suffering.

i just felt dead ... or i was due to die soon enough, i now know that is sensory overload and i couldn't process what was going on, and then the pain and suffering i am due to go through, i couldn't tell you encase it woke up your issues but i guess when it gets really bad i can’t control any part of myself, mind or mouth. ...until one day it didn’t i was free from my shackles i thought just to be reawaken to the childhood trauma in a bar that was 2021. and now in 2023 i don't know,

the slight blood from my blood from my nose surgery that >>> the blood in my mouth running down my neck from ben throwing that ball at me.

the lump near my...

balloons popping at courneys 30th >> fake punches at highschool

the guy stealing a bike in druango. > the panic attack and remembernace >> my childhood bike crash >>> the grey thoughts about the criminal.

dad being just the prick he is, treating me a like a child and or still keeps being a fucking fuck wit.

a dog wanting to jump on me like ones who ussually attack.

As years have gone pass and starting to heal slowly, I can slowly try afford to see people to help me and oh it’s painful, I found i am suffering, yes and the first piece is of alexithymia.

to explore my feelings better there is a chart. https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/the-feelings-wheel

Ive also installed animi https://www.animiapp.com/ or ill most likely get some kind of tool/card game like this? https://www.mixed-emotions.com/shopus/second-edition my psych has an interesting one I haven't been able to find. Get some awareness pins, https://www.etsy.com/nz/listing/977073045/multiple-choices-emotion-badge-pins

Along with all the other enmle ones i am looking at for my adhd and autism and my new pro-nouns oh yeah..he/they/xem. and assemble my punk rock coat, that ive wanted to do for years. Ive found i am brave for my diagnosis,you gave me a sword to attack them head on and still to go to therapy and still healing towards getting treatment, to get my shield from capt. Meds cant come soon enough...I had about 8-10? big triggering events in the past two weeks alone. in the meantime to keep me stable, I have lorazepam and quetiapine You once said it hurts so it can hurt less in the future, Oh how strong you were...now i must learn strength and bravery. It’s slow and the whole good things take time, now i have try explore charts of emotions to explain myself better, because i don't know the words. but today I had a nightmare last night so I am feeling insecure,miserable, sorrowful, shaken,aware and capable. I don't know what happened to the anchor I assume like everything else it ended up in the bin, but now i go looking my anchor is somewhere inside me and I am looking for the thing to help me calm my seas. Next week i get to see a medical clinic that is a special place that is supposed to be a sensory room to help with picking out and treating of trauma, to be honest i think its going to be a fun time of pain. I know this will be painful but it is what it is, in the meantime I decided to cutt back on reduced my hours at work,and the budget is tight grind for this month and hopefully back to full salary and in about a months time it will be mentally better and able to pay for things that I need. I also have something planned in a few days, for a special day in my heart and if it comes on time but I cant tell where about it is from here to china. even if it comes late, ill make sure i do something to mark the occasion. I also had another surprise but that got pushed back so it might have to be in a months time again. might go to the gym tomorrow once i am in a slight better head space as fitness really helps my mental health. chaining up my diet as i am doing some things wrong such as portion sizes and ratios of amounts of food type. eating more proteins to try bulk up to gain muscle. maybe finally getting some iwi omega 3 6 9 brain seaweed... theres alot of battles on my plate and i am taking them one at time. ad bellum animi

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sakamotokaori · 2 years

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god i feel your pain this entire season ive been praying kaori will change her programs but she still hasnt and now the world is really gonna have to see her horrible woman program at the olympics 😭 the worst part is benoit has made good programs for her so why did he suddenly decide to sabotage her during an olympic season and if kaori retires after this with woman being her last competitive skate ill track down benoit and make him pay

the size of this mans ego is built almost directly off of the few good programs he has created for kaori. i’ve very rarely heard praise for the work hes done for other people, there is/was very outspoken dread for anything benoit does because he cannot construct a good program outside of being pretentious, creating what he thinks to be high art and it comes off like a child choreographed it with only verbal direction after watching one contemporary dance performance on youtube.

ive come to enjoy gladiator well enough, i think it plays into kaori's style a lot better and the step sequence is where she really pulls it off but i think that was bound to work for her at some point, its something she'd struggle to fail at, but the on the nose-ness of woman is just humiliating to watch as a fan. somehow there's a storyline being spoken aloud but nothing is actually portrayed it is soooo surface level? voiceovers are such an embarrassing way to force a concept and background into a program and the whole thing comes off as more of a pantomime than amelie ever was and he had her actually acting out a fucking broken doll (i think lol. i love amelie but it was again ON THE NOSE) the almost childish demand that she keeps the program because it will ruin the matching short and free is worse, i had to block him because he's a name searcher lol but fighting back on twitter with stans saying go and ask her if she likes it can you please grow up and rot in hell when you eventually do and second its a program about women empowerment and you aren't actually affording a woman that decision? Crazy! seems like you really care about us benoit 😍

i was honestly thinking at the beginning of the season IS this to nerf kaori because its inexplicable how he'd keep being so fucking stubborn over this when the backlash was so immediate after its first performance and has only grown, he stands to gain nothing except what kind of moral superiority or level of 'artistic integrity' he can fuel his next egofest with in his shiny head for sticking it out. i also cant understand the braindead insistence of keeping the flutz that can so easily bury her if they decide to call it at the olympics in her short program when the point difference between that and a 3Lo is so minimal and the latter has a infinitely higher chance of getting +4's / +5's. whatever

im not sure she'll retire just yet i know she's spoken about it, i think winning nationals and being the top lady in japan this season could have given her a little extra confidence to continue for a bit longer, but at any rate i hope she runs in the opposite direction any time benoit approaches her again!!!! for competitive or show programs ANYTHING let him go and give his embarrassing work to someone else. im begging on my knees. ill even help you pay anything babe anything look at me you never need choreo from him again you're stronger than this 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

and he's so lucky i spent the money i had tentatively saved for worlds 2022 because i would have happily gotten arrested in france for finding and smashing the shit out of his vehicle in the car park /j

#sorry guys......#this concussion is giving me too much time in bed to think and complain #ask #anon

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danishmiilk · 3 years

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if your moots were fanfics, what would they be? :p

ANON! i’ve been wanting to do this for the lONgest time (two days) so i’m soooo happy to have received this LMAO even though,,, this may NOT be accurate but im just gonig to do this randomly to the best of my ability

it’s very long, so more under the cut

@lebrookestore || taeyong + bookshop!au. so basically taeyong works at this bookshop and shes always going in to flip through books and such because she can’t afford to buy them and taeyong’s supposed to chase her away but just doesn’t have the heart to and one day she really just goes up and thanks him and hes like no problem and its usually quite empty so the next times she goes to said bookshop taeyong will go and sit with her to read the books and they talk and like wow they like the same shit! so then they Fall In Love wow

@hannie-dul-set || jaemin + definitely fluff. so basically her best friend (me! IM SORRY ALLEX BYE) and her best friend’s boyfriend (SICHENG! IM NOT SORRY ALLEX BYE) decided that their best friends weren’t getting like enough DATES so then they dragged them out on a double date (only for her and jaemin it was a bLIND date). it was at the dog cafe and the moment me and sicheng got there we just left them and ran away and theyd already bought like food so they decided to just stay and it was awkward for a bit but then like, jaemin was so good with dogs and hot damn. then yall exchange numbers and by the time yall get out of the cafe you see me and sicheng across the street using binoculars to spy on yall.

@seeing-dreams || chenle + def fluff, highschool!au. i feel like it’d be the secret admirer letter thing, which i think you already know what i mean? like chenle’s your crush bc (tbh he’e everyone’s) hes so hot and hes part of the basketball team and he also sits with you in bio and also at the same time you’ve been getting notes taped to the underside of your table in bio, and its like 10 or so letters before you get the last one asking you on a date (and leaving their number!! so if you want to date then call!!) and so youve alr fallen for this guy’s diction and you call the number and chenle’s phone rings. he winKS at you and youre like oH MY GOD

@floweringtheflowers || mark + YO IM SORRY BUT ISN’T YOUR WRITING ACC LIKE NEOSCULPTURES A SMUT BLOG I VAGUELY REMEMBER YOU SAYING THAT OR SUMN SO + pwp LMAO IM SORRY- and like obviously i don’t read those but like yeah take it take it away you just give me very strong pwp vibes bye

@moonlightjeno || jeno + arranged marriage!au, royalty!au, one sided etl!au. MHM SO BASICALLY YOURE A PRINCESS AND JENO IS A PRINCE AND THE KING AND QUEEN OF JENO’S COUNTRY (cough doyoung and his wife) dECIDE THAT OK TREATY so then you and jeno have to get married and like bc were such nice people we decide that okay, yall get married for oNE YEAR if really cannot then like fine,, yall can divorce. so yall just like try to tide it out for a year right but you need to fake in the eyes of the public and you hate jeno but hes just trying to make this more bearable for the two of you and one day yall have an argument and jeno goes like “I JUST REALLY wANT TO KISS YOU, OKAY?” *squeal* and youre like whatthefuck and then, like, you know what? you jsut pretend that didn’t happen but you eventually agree to just be cordial and friendly and become friends, and you know jeno’s in love with you but you try to not make it awkward and somewhere along the way you fall in love *clasps hands together with a huge sigh* deserve.

@sehunniepot || (i want to write this alr) yuta + hogwarts!au, etl!au, HOUSE RIVALRY!AU BC THOSE ARE SUPERIOR. yuta’s definitely a gryffindor so you can be a slytherin since you never tOLD me. so so anyway youve hated each other from day one because of some stupid misunderstanding of him purposely tripping you in the train and then youre sorted into slytherin and him in gryffindor and the next four years are pranks and sneers and insults and glares. then the yule ball comes up, and because the hogwarts teachers are so JUMPY you have a dancing lesson with randomly assigned partners and you get yuta and AAAA “boys, put your hand on the girl’s waist.” and youre glaring daggers but yuta does it anyway with that cocky grin and you hold hands and your hand’s on his shoulder and are his ears red, or is that just your imagination?? then yall just tease each other the entire dancing lesson and when you get back to your dorm best friend!doyoung’s all like “why was nakamoto blushing-” and you’re like “nothing.” then then YOU REALISE YOU CANT STOP THINKING OF HIS HAND ON YOUR WAIST AND DURING THE NEXT DANCE LESSON YOU NATURALLY GRAVITATE TOWARD EACH OTHER AND DOYOUNG’S LIKE ?? OKAY THEN ILL JUST GO DANCE QITH SOMEONE ELSE?? then the teachers (who know of your stupid rivalry) are like: okay then miss l/n and mr nakamoto if you’ve already paired up. OH THEN A FEW WEEKS LATER HE ASKS YOU TO THE BALL UNDER THE GUISE THAT “YOU ACTUALYL DANCE WELL” AND YOURE LIKE “YOURE NOT TOO BAD YOURSELF” but its all, ofc, a pretense and then at the ball you all (having alr realised you like each other), confess, and promptly kiss under the shining ice stalactites magically hung from the trees in the grounds of hogwarts. (OH MY GOD FUCK IM WRITING THIS)

@doyounged || doyoung + fluff, def + i think high school sweethearts!au so this is the really fluffy oneshots where like youre super shy!! like its pretyt obvious you have crushes on each other but like first relationship or wtv and you jsut brush fingers and BLUSH and put your arm around each other and BLUSH and cheek kiss and BLUSH and you get my point? yeah yeah that’s the whole au

@moonbeamsung || jisung + fluff af + best freinds to lovers!au the only thing i can think of is like cute sleepovers and the sleeptalking thing, i’ve written something like that for you i thiNK??

@orange-nimon-cross || cai xukun + angst. just pure angst. im not even kidding the angst is so bad oh my god- probably hurt-comfort. like xukun’s your emotional rock and hes jsut so,,, ROCK AND HES ALW THERE FOR YOU AND KAJOFSDF A HUG SOLVES ALL and something like that you get my point, yes??

@rouiyan || hyuck + uhm, ice hockey player hyuck. like i think you did one with jeno or something but like idk why does the concept suit your vibe so muCH?? this one bc hyuck is playful it’d be like you’re dragged to the matches bc jeno’s your best friend but you couldnt give a flying fuck about ice hockey and his annoying teammate (hyuck.) keeps flirting with you and like one day you ask him straight up why are you flirting with me and hyuck’s immediately apologetic like shit did it make you uncomfy ill stop and youre like hes,,, a nice guy and then yall bond over like post-match meals which jeno starts dragging yall all to and then yeah sicheng and ten (same hockey team) help hyuck plan a confession and he confesses at the pizza shop.

@radiorenjun || renjun + angst, but with a happy ending if i feel like it- oh hold on maybe not angst ill save you the heartbreak. def artist!renjun, not even going to think about it, and kind of supernatural/soulmate? like he has dreams of a mystery girl every night and that’s the inspo for all his paintings, and he tries selling them to an art gallery and youre the curator of said art gallery adn youre liek “thats so beautiful, but why is it always the back view of the girl?” and renjun looks up from his paintings to explain and he sees you and literally screams because he’s never seen the mystery girl’s face but HE KNOWS its you. it HAS to be. so the two of you try figuring out the stupid phenomenon and who knows, maybe it’s just fate’s way of letting the two of you come together! yall become a thing YAY

--- once again, thank you anon for this ask! i really enjoyed doing this and like you know what?? i may write some of these aus someday. definitely the yuta one. someday.

#moots!#anon #asks #mention games

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scatterpatter · 4 years

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Some expanded thoughts on FF7R under the cut [SPOILERS]

So! Overall I freaking LOVED the remake and I can’t wait to see the rest! Midgar feels so alive and expanded, you really feel attached to everyone, it’s... muah! Honestly a lot of the points I’m gonna make are more nitpicks than anything. I won’t make any commentary on the gameplay because I watched a let’s play instead of playing by myself(im broke and cant afford a PS4 and $60 game >_>)

So the designs are GORGEOUS... no, the entire GAME is gorgeous. Midgar looks so good and detailed, there’s so much great implementation of color theory! Cloud is sooooo good looking!!! Barret and Aerith and Sephiroth are all GORGEOUS! Reno Rude Tseng and Rufus.. AAAA!!! The only slight complain I have is that- okay so Tifa looks AWESOME, but I honestly wish she wasn’t so skinny. Like she’s a melee fighter, but her waist and arms are so thin! I wish they gave her a bit more tone and muscle, but, oh well. I honestly can’t stop staring at the character models they look SO good

Plot-wise, I really like most of the changes/additions they made! Especially with Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie. They’re wonderful and I love them and did I mention that I love them because they’re just so dorky!!! And good!!!

Honestly, I like that Aerith is actually written to be likeable. I know that doesn’t seem like much but a lot of games fall into the trap of telling you that you’re supposed to like the female protag(looking at you, Breath of the Wild) or tell you that she’s a strong character, but they fail to show that, so the player feels like they’re just being told to get attached. Aerith, though, is actually really likeable in this game!!! She’s cute and down-to-earth, really dorky and even snarky, easily seeing past Cloud’s tough-guy act, and she can fight! It’s just so nice to see a game that shows a strong female protag instead of just telling you.

Legit everyone is horny for Cloud and I’m so here for it

Okay so like. I love Roche. I didn’t at first but he quickly grew on me. He’s so awfully chaotic and I just- I love him. I’m mad that he was just kinda forgotten, though. Like! He could’ve shown up at the ending chase!!!

THEY REALLY WROTE HOJO TO BE AS CREEPY AS POSSIBLE HUH. Like I’m not complaining because like he’s basically the reason why everything happened, but! Ahhhh he makes me squirm he’s a creep with a gross science fetish and I wanna stab himmmmm

Okay so. President Shinra is a little bit TOO stereotypically evil? Like having a gold statue of himself and not even caring about sabotaging one of his own reactors when one little console gets destroyed??? Like it’s almost comical how evil he’s written to be. Though, I do like the scene where he calls Barret out on his ideals, that was neat!

Nowww, Heidegger Scarlet Palmer and Reeve? MUAH. Heidegger and Scarlet are written so sadistically but like in such a likeable way, especially Heidegger. God I hate them both but you just love to hate them!!! Palmer is HILARIOUS- I love how he’s written to be the spoiled kid whose parents forced the other kids to include him so he’s just there even though he doesn’t do anything. And Reeve? Well...

SO REEVE IS MY FAVORITE ATM SINCE WE DON’T HAVE VINCENT YET, AND REEVE IS JUST... <3 <3 <3 Okay so first off, his design is perfect. He doesn’t really stand out in the same way that Heidegger Scarlet and Palmer do. He just has a normal build, normal suit, normal hair slicked back- he just looks like a normal employee, totally inconspicuous... which is very fitting considering how he ends up being undercover and needs to look inconspicuous ;)

Though Reeve shows clear signs of overworking himself and being emotionally abused by his coworkers which... sucks. I mean it’s good writing but I feel so awful for him- Like you know it’s bad when someone just has to hold up a hand to get you to shut up and sit down. I like that he tries to do good things but steps down when he’s told to, that he’s empathetic but cowardly. It does a great job at setting up his character arc in future chapters <3

Okay so one thing- I thought the build-up for the plate dropping was amazing, but honestly... the plate itself falling was slightly underwhelming, to be completely honest. Like- I just didn’t feel the impact that a plate falling would have! Mainly because, you don’t see a single death which is interesting. Like you see people running from falling debris, but legit not a single death is implied. Honestly? I thought the scene would have been far more impactful if they showed:

Seventh Heaven actually being destroyed

The people topside reacting to the ground beneath them collapsing and them falling to their deaths(They only tried to evacuate Sector 7 slums! Not the topside!!!)

More people actually being implied to have been crushed(No, Im not counting Wedge). Like in the original FF7 there’s a scene where someone’s watching tv and you see the plate falling from outside the window- and there’s a reporter just doing his normal shit before he suddenly looks up and things go to static- like- thats an intense scene and I wish the remake did more stuff like that!

They do great showing people REACTING to the plate falling which is why its so appalling to me that they dont show much of the actual devastation DURING plate fall

I LOVE that Cait Sith shows up at the plate falling! It shows that Reeve actually tried to warn people(something he asked to do and was denied earlier), even if he was too late. The only problem I have is that new players who dont know who Cait Sith is will be horribly confused as to who and why he’s there???

Also, when the crew goes back to Sector 7, you don’t really... feel the impact right away. Keep in mind, an entire section of city just fell onto another section of city WITH the supports holding it up, there should have been way more rubble. Yet, the area where Seventh Heaven is just... looks like it was hit with a major earthquake. There should be way more rubble, like mountains of it. It’s weird since the opening cinematic really captures the scope of how huge Midgar is, but the plate falling just doesn’t really show the scope of how much devastation there was to losing an entire plate.

The scope of it is done a bit better when climbing up Sector 7, but I still feel like the weight and scope of destruction isn’t lived up to its full potential.

Okay so- Wedge and Biggs. ... Yeah, it takes away from the impact of their deaths to have them not die. I mean, I can’t make a total opinion on this just yet, because the other parts haven’t come out yet, but... if FF7R is gonna keep them alive, they better have a good reason for it tbh.

They might have done a little bit too much foreshadowing with Cloud and Aerith? Like I like Cloud having memory issues, it’s kept pretty vague... but him going “Mother?” with Jenova is a little bit too spoiler-y. Like yeah you gotta tease his whole thing but like- don’t give it away this soon!!!

I also don’t mind Seph showing up as much as he does. Like, in the original, you don’t even hear about him until close to the end of the Midgar arc. Obvi since the remake ONLY covers the Midgar arc so far, I totally understand bringing him in sooner. Again, having the clones existing might be a little too spoilery for the big twists later on, but I can let it slide since it’s still treated as very “wtf” and I’m sure anyone new to the story hasn’t put it together yet.

Did I mention how much I love Seph he’s so creepy and his eyes are gorgeous and he’s so intimidating by just being there

And the Whispers... I honestly didn’t like them. I kept forgetting that they existed honestly. They just feel so... detached from the plot. I don’t mind adding new content/story, but the Whispers just... didn’t feel well-implemented. They also felt really campy towards the end. Like, the fact that they could un-stab Barret and shield Avalanche from car accidents while they were escaping? They were legit like “no you can’t die even if you tried because fate” and takes away any tension of the scene because... well, they know they cant die.

That being said, the ending was interesting. I uh. It was interesting! So they actually defeat fate itself in order to change... who knows what. The future, maybe even the past??? I’ve got many thoughts on this

If the future is changed, that can be exciting since people who know the original’s plot won’t know what’s gonna happen next so like- okay!

If the past was changed... y’all know I’m talking about Zack. Was fate changed so that he could live? Keep in mind, we see Whispers surrounding Midgar before they dissipate and Zack’s like “ohey did I get all of em?”, implying that fate would have forbade Zack from ever getting to Midgar. Having the team defeat fate means... Zack may have now reached Midgar.

Is alternate reality/timeline stuff going to happen now???

Cloud’s character revolves around Zack dying. What’ll happen to Cloud now???

I feel so bad for people new to the plot who don’t know who Zack is.

Nomura... you madman.

So with the ending... Nomura and Squenix is setting something up. They’re going for something huge. I uh. I fear, honestly! Because this could very likely get WAY too ambitious and WAY too confusing(Think Dream Drop Distance’s bullshit plot), and could totally fall on its face and end up being Squenix’s biggest flop of all time. But... if this succeeds and they actually pull off whatever they’re trying to pull... holy shit. I would be floored.

I honestly am a bit afraid that the plot will be too confusing for new players. Like- no one would know whats going on with Zack unless they knew the original plot, so like while this would be a great game for FF7 fans, I’m really worried that it won’t be a good game for people new to the series.

Cloud in a dress is the greatest thing and I’m so happy they kept that scene I love him so much the entire scene is so queer <3

But overall, despite some nitpicks, it was a SUPER SOLID game and I’m soooo hype to see where they go with it! I wanna see Cait and Yuffie and Cid and Vincent!!!!!!!!!

#ff7r #I RAMBLE A LOT #ff7r spoilers

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luellasu · 4 years

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✧.° hello hello !!! i’m diana ( she/her, 20, est ) aka ur resident girl group stan !! so i’m a little late to the party but i’m finally here, introducing my baby angel luella ( she is quite literally an angel hehe ). u can read all abt her under the cut, but if u want 2 plot, we can do so thru im’s or on discord depending on what u prefer !! my discord is everybody say STAN LOONA#5522

𝙵𝙸𝙻𝙴 : #ANG3L // STATS » luella ‘lu’ su, ( appears to be ) twenty, cis female, she/her, ballerina. ATTRIBUTES » devoted, mercurial, captivating, demure. SEEN » strangers whispering in the night, the lingering scent of vanilla in the air, tired eyes stained by glitter and mascara. DO NOT MISTAKE FOR » tzuyu chou.

( 𝑯𝑼𝑴𝑨𝑵. )

so,, since she cant remember her life as a human, i’ll keep it short !!! but i figured it’s worth mentioning

as a human, she had big aspirations. she was raised predominantly by her grandmother because her parents were always working

luella had always wanted to be a dancer, but she came from a lower middle class family and they couldn’t afford to put her in lessons. so, sometimes she would watch classes through the window

she studied hard in school and was at the top of her class, and despite never formally receiving lessons, all her years of observing classes made her a promising dancer

lu took a year off after high school to work and save money, and planned to audition for a prestigious ballet academy in europe because there were recruiters in her town

however, on the way to the audition, she died in a car accident along with her parents. a few months prior to this, her grandmother had died of old age

so, with the deaths of her and her family, it didn’t take long for her to be forgotten all together

( 𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑬𝑳 . )

as an angel, luella avoided living with humans at first. she did not want to get too attached, and she felt that living among them wouldn’t end well for her

however, even from a distance, she became attached to one human. it was a girl, a ballet dancer. it was then she made the decision to live among humans, and she decided to take up ballet to be closer to her

still, even living among humans, she managed to keep some distance. she was more reserved, and extremely observant. eventually though, the two became friends. she felt more protective over this one human above all others

this continued for a while, but the guilt of having a favorite began to linger in her thoughts. she made the decision to leave and continue watching her from afar instead

once lu left the human world, she started to feel a lot better about herself and could say she no longer had favorites. for a few years, this worked perfectly. except the ballet dancer she had once been so close to developed an illness and passed away from it

lu was riddled with regret. she wished she had stayed close to her for the remainder of her life instead of running away. the worst part was, she knew that human felt abandoned by her

it was the first time as an angel that she felt like a failure

for a while after the death of the dancer, luella couldn’t focus properly. she began spacing out a lot, making mistakes more frequently ( when prior to this, she was the perfect example of what an angel should be ). she could not move on and started to feel like she was not fit to be an angel

as this was negatively impacting her ability to carry out her responsibilities, she pressured by the other angels to either overcome her failures or lose her status as an angel

this ultimatum made her realize she wanted to remain an angel and that she would have to get her act together to do so. for a brief moment, she contemplated giving up her status, to be able to forget it all. but when it came down to it, she didn’t want to lose the memories of all those she had crossed paths with, especially the dancer, who at least was alive in her thoughts

it was not easy to return to being the perfect angel, but she worked hard to get back to that level

eventually, she felt ready to live among humans once more. she decided to move to lunehaven for a while, though she really wants to move to paris one day. in the meantime, she has continued pursuing ballet and works as an instructor for kids

she attempts to live a quiet life, not getting too close to anyone, but it does get lonely sometimes

( 𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀. )

luella tends to be quite reserved. she rarely initiates conversations or hangouts, but is relieved when someone else does. she enjoys being social, she’s just skeptical about getting too close to others

she is a scorpio sun with a libra moon so take that as u will !!

she is extremely devoted to dance and being an angel ( despite everything that happened ), and also very devoted to the few that she is close to, however, she changes her mind a lot about other things. her mood tends to change a lot, but she does her best to keep this to herself

as you can expect of scorpio and libra placements, she can be quite an intense/obsessive lover BUT can also be flighty if something seems too serious or causes her to feel too much. yes, she is a walking paradox i do not want 2 live in her head !!!

she adores classical music, which can be expected of a ballet dancer. she wants to learn how to play violin one day

her taste is pretty .... refined, so she can be quite the snob sometimes

she enjoys going to the theatre and the opera and stuff like that, and mostly goes alone

she comes alive at nighttime tbh,, the quiet hours once everyone has gone to sleep is her favorite time of day. she lovessss stargazing and if you become her friend, she will force you to have picnics under the stars

she’s bi bi bi babey !!!

take a look at her pinterest board to get a feel for her aesthetic !!!!

( 𝑾𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺. )

cultured duo - someone who goes to the theatre/cinema/opera with her !!! it could be against their will, maybe she begs them to come. or maybe they also enjoy the these things

ex-fling/gf/bf - there could b more than one of these !! they could have ended on bad terms or good terms, still have lingering feels or tension or maybe they remained friends !!! we can plot this literally however !!

unrequited crush - maybe she has a crush on ur muse and it scares her to admit. OR ur muse could have a crush on her and maybe she’s oblivious to it

current fling/friends w benefits - someone she is currently seeing. could be no strings attached, or there could b some feelings there. maybe they don’t want to make it anything serious, or maybe they’re ready to take it to the next level. maybe one person is ready to go further, and the other isn’t.

enemies w benefits - imagine the tension !!! they started out hating each other but ended up hooking up. maybe it was a one time thing, or maybe they can’t stop going back to each other. maybe they keep it a secret and don’t want anyone else to know. this could develop in soooo many ways

ex-friends - someone she used to consider a best/close friend, but they had a falling out for whatever reason n maybe they strongly dislike each other now. maybe they want to re-kindle their friendship but don’t know how

sibling-like friendship - someone she sees like a sibling. they’re there for each other and look out for one another, always have each other’s backs

dynamic duo - ride or dies. platonic soulmates !! this person is prob one of the closest people to her and knows her very well ! they could b a power duo, always looking out for each other

take care - i think it would be cool if maybe one day she drank a little too much or was having an off day in general and your muse helped her get home and spent the night to make sure she was okay. lu probably feels like she owes them a favor and is really grateful in general that they took the time to care

confidant - someone who confides in her or someone she confides in, or they confide in each other. they don’t necessarily have to be the closest friends ever, but they get along, trust each other, and maybe they talk more in private

rivals - they don’t like each other for whatever reason, which we can plot. maybe it’s jealousy or their personalities just clash, but for whatever reason they do not get along. maybe they bring out a bad side to her that most people dont see

good influence - someone she can be a good influence on, someone she brings out the best in, maybe someone she rly cares about and wants to look after to make sure they’re ok !!

this is all i have for now, but maybe eventually i will make a plots page !!!

#luneintro #✧.° ░ 𝒖𝒎 𝒊 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒖𝒓 𝒏𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆 ╱ ooc.#this is so late helppppppakjhsdjshddkh #it is 6 am i hav 2 go 2 bed now

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princessselene126 · 4 years

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Hey yall, emotional abuse, physical pain (not self harm, just illness pain), brief mention of periods, and shitty parents tws coming up.

So i generally try to keep my personal life off here unless I won’t be posting for a while and want to let you know why (like i did with my ear infection.), but I’m having a really bad week and a half and desperately need to vent. Feel free to completely ignore this because I don’t expect anyone to respond, I just need to get everything off my chest--although any suggestions as to what the fuck I should do are more than welcome.

My dad and stepmom have been controlling any emotionally abusive for pretty much my entire life--because you know, abuse doesn’t just start randomly and it’s not something that you can easily fix.

Anyway. When I went home for my ear infection, my stepmom got kinda mad about it. Mad might be the wrong word, controlling is probably better. I didnt tell her or my dad that I was coming home to see the doctor for a few reasons:

I knew if I told them, they’d tell me i should tough it out and go to class

They’d say that i was being over dramatic and that it couldn’t possible hurt that bad

They’d ask why I couldn’t have seen a doctor in Milwaukee (where my college is and 1.5 hours from home), why I needed to come home for something like that.

So I didn’t tell them. While I was home my stepmom texted me asking how I was doing. At the time she didn’t know I had an ear infection or that I was home, so of course like the idiot I am, I was honest and told her I came home sunday night. Seriously I think honesty is my fatal flaw. She, of course, asked why and I told her that “I cant think right now, let alone take a bus somewhere I’ve never been before. I tried to get into the dr at school, but they dont have any openings until wednesday.” I was able to get into my doctor at home on monday, two full days before I would have been able too at school, so it seems logical that id go home right? I couldnt hear out of my right ear anyway, so it’s not like I would have been able to pay attention in class and actually learn anything.

She drops it or that day.

But my stepmom, being my stepmom, of course texts me back a few days later (fthursday or friday i think) because she thinks that I should have tried harder to find a doctor here. She said, and I fucking quote this entire goddamn text

Hey so I just want to clarify with you ... you could have gone to a dr there you know? You guys didn’t have to come all the way home and back. good lord. Just find a clinic thats an urgent care or er. you might have had to pay more out of pocket, but so what? And you have 2 insuraces, so that wouldve helped more too. Just saying. So I thought I’d let you know instead of doing all that craziness back and forth. Make it easier on yourself next time kiddo.

And this has me fucking livid because:

I literally explained to her why I didn’t find someone in Milwaukee days before.

She’s insinuating that it’s too inconvenient for my mom to come get me.

And my stepdad had off on tuesday, so he gladly took me back too school. No questions asked. No complaints. He even bought my antibiotics for me (which I was totally prepared to pay the $10 for myself) before we left.

She’s talking down to me as if I had no idea that I could do this.

I can’t afford to pay more out of pocket right now, even if I might (read: MIGHT) get reimbursed for it later.

Going home literally WAS making it easier on myself.

So I send a screenshot of this text to my mom of course, and she replies almost immediately just going off. My mom and I havent always had the best relationship (she has some emotionally abusive habits too, but she knows about most of them, acknowledges them, and tries her best to fix them), but I know that she will always be there for me. She’s that person who will drive an hour and a half just to come make sure someone is okay, and she has done so 2-3 times in my 2 years at college. She doesn’t care if I’m 45 and living on the other side of the country, she will drive or by a plane ticket to hep me if/when need it. So my mom is beyond pissed off that my stepmom would ever imply that coming to get me, take care of me, is an inconvenience.

I reply a simple “i know” to my stepmom, because I know better than to give her a long winded explanation. She’ll just come back at me with an even longer block of text basically telling me how wrong/stupid i was to not just see a dr in the area.

And of course, of fucking course, she replies with a long block of text anyway basically telling me the same fucking thing. She does this several times and I keep doing the “i know” “yeah” “okay” thing because I just didn’t have the fucking ENERGY you guys.

But then she says

my goodness you’re a peach sometimes. Just trying to help and maybe you guys didn’t think of that.

So by this point in time my patience was completely GONE. I have absolutely none left. I know when my stepmom calls me a peach it’s just her “nice” way of saying “you’re being a fucking bitch.” ((Keep in mind this entire time I was taking screenshots and sending them to my mom so she could be mad with me.)) And so I fucking went off in the nicest way possible. I tell her

no, you’re trying to be in control of the situation that had absolutely nothing to do with you

I was going to just try going to a dr the next morning, but then my mom called and I was crying and she asked if I wanted to come home, so I said yes. It wasn’t an inconvenience to her, though it feels like you’re trying to make it seem that way. And [stepdad] had off so he was easily able to take me back.

I’m not an idiot, im an adult fully capable of doing things myself. But i also recognized that I needed help and accepted it when my mom noticed I did as well

Because yes. I was in so much pain that I was actually crying from it. I usually have a decent pain tolerance (horrific period cramps will do that to a person), but for some reason whenever I say that I’m genuinely in pain my stepmom never seems to think it could be “that bad.” And... that’s exactly how that went. I was soooo prepared to just tough it out and wait until Wednesday if I absolutely had to. But then my mom called and I may be 20 years old but there are those times when you’re an adult and you just need your parent. You need your parent to tell you it’s going to be okay. You need your parent to hold and comfort you. You need your parent to take you to the dr. And for me this was one of those times. I so very rarely ask for help but this time i needed it, and there’s no reason for my stepmom (or anyone) to make me feel like I should be ashamed of that.

So she said something brief to that and I didn’t reply back. Ne next moring she sends me another text starting off with something along the lines of “I’m hurt by how you treated me last night...” and I didn’t read the rest because I knew it would make me mad. I did, however send a screenshot to my mom again.

The next day I call both my mom and my paternal grandma to talk about this entire conversation.

My mom thinks that I should cut off ties with them for at least a few months because this has been overwhelming me so much. I agree with her, but I’m concerned about my younger siblings (not that they’ll get hurt or anything, but that I won’t be able to see them) and also my aunt is getting married in may.

And my grandma was livid too. She’s never liked my stepmom because she’s always thought that she’s treated me like shit. (For a long time i mistakenly believed that my stepmom was a better person than my mom, but I was an impressionable child/teenager then). My grandma and I talked about times when stepmom made me feel bad about myself or treated me as lesser than my half siblings. And my grandma agrees that I should keep my distance, but she asked me to not cut ties, and to keep a decent amount of peace, until after my aunt’s wedding.

Which I understand. I get it. I love my aunt a lot and I truly dont want to cause any problems at her wedding, she deserves the world. But at the same time I don’t know how much longer I can take this you guys. I’m supposed to go to a water park for a night with my dad, stepmom, and siblings during my spring break (it was a christmas present from my dad to the family) and I’m absolutely dreading it. I don’t want to go. My mom says I should just lie and say I have to work, but again, fatal flaw here is honesty, so I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that. I want to see my siblings too, but I really need to start taking care of myself.

I’ve spent far too long worrying about my family even after not living at home for the last two years. I need to take care of myself. I do. But I honestly don’t know how to do that without causing a family feud in the process.

And the reason this was all triggered again today (after not having talked to anyone on my dad’s side since saturday) is because I got a call from a random number while I was in class today. It was a call from my home city and whoever it was left a voicemail. In the back of my mind I started worrying that it was my dad and that he wanted to talk me into not being upset with my stepmom (he’s a terrible person too but that’s a rant for a different day).

I have yet to listen to it because the idea of talking about this with him makes me nauseous. At the same time, not knowing who called is making me overwhelmingly anxious. I don’t know what would be best:

Ignoring the voicemail, or listening to it and potentially having to talk to my dad?

Toughing out being around my family until after the wedding, or risk causing a family feud by cutting ties?

I just... I’m so lost you guys.

#personal #tasha talks #i could go into so much more detail about how fucking broken i am because of all of the things ive dealt with in my family #but this is the bare minimum needed to understand just what the fuck is going on right now #im not feeling ok #mr stark i dont feel so good #even trying to joke like that is falling flat right now #im in panic mode and i don't know how to stop #this has been keeping me up at night #seriously #i cannot sleep #i feel sick #and so drained #all i want to do is sleep #delete later #probably

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livs-in-space · 4 years

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updates n stuff!

hey yall!! first off i just wanna apologize for a seveRE lack of original posts on my part. thank you for enjoying my blog regardless! things arent going as i planned it for my first year of uni and what i thought i would be doing by this time is defintley nOT happening bcs of corona . BUT in the spirit of transparancy and destigmatizing certain areas of education and catharsis i want to update you all on my educational journey thus far. :)

i wrote a while back that i committed to uni. that has since been withdrawn. i was originally going to go to my huge state school which i would have enjoyed but i couldnt shake the idea i wouldnt be happy there. it was the only place that i i got into I could afford, but being introverted and somewhat shy and valuing the connection with professors in the classes i take i know i wouldnt do my best in a huge place like that. i had a long talk with my parents and with the onset of covid i decided i would go to community college this year. it wasnt worth it for us to pay tuition at a huge 4-year just to get the same education at a 2 year and transfer.

with all my ap and dual enrollments i am getting my associates degree in biology THIS year. meaning i will be a sophomore/junior transfer, depending on what credits get accepted at the school i get accepted to. which means i have to redo thE ENTIRE COLLEGE APPLICATION PROCESS AGAIN aaaahaha

the good news i am essentially guaranteed transfer into my state school after i graduate and into the school’s honors program. but i still cant shake the idea that i would be overwhelmingly unhappy there, so i am applying to other schools in hopes i get in (even some of the schools i got rejected from the first time lmaooo). its going to be a rough ride from here on out but i am willing and hopeful to do it.

sO whats the point of this post ?? im not saying goodbye theres so many big milestones coming and i want to share them with the lovely people that follow this blog. but in the spirit of destigmatizing education and ESPECIALLY community college i feel like its important for me to share my story. community college is incredibly valid. i am doing some of my best work here!! lets hope the second time around has an even bigger payoff :)

classes im taking this semester under the cut!! thanks for reading loves <3

-liv

fall 2020

-physics I lecture/lab (required pt 1) (i luv physics)

-chem I lecture/lab (required pt 2) (i have nothing to say to chemistry)

-intro to sustainability (its a class about the un and what theyre doing for the environment super interesting)

-comparative gov (my “fun class”--soooo much reading lmao)

-comp sci (hell on earth)

#mine!!#oli speaks #long post #student #study #college #university #studyblr #studying #biochemistry #biology #physics #studyspo

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221bshrlocked · 5 years

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What Type is He?

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Reader

Words: 941

Warnings: fluff mostly

A/N: This is just a small thing because I was watching Gifted and I couldn’t help but agree with what’s her face when she said ‘he’s the quiet, damaged, hot guy.” I literally just wrote this and I didn’t check for spelling. About to go to sleep. Night people. And I am soooo not sorry for using that gif. How does anyone look this fucking attractive crying?? I need help obviously.

You were leading a group of visitors towards the exhibit they were asking about when your friend came running and slapped your arm.

“Ow what’s your problem?” You pushed her away before returning to your desk at the center of the museum entrance, trying to ignore your friend for as long as possible.

“He’s here again.” She squealed and tried to make you look towards one of the benches.

“Who’s here? Why are you being so creepy all of a sudden?” You grabbed some flyers and walked past her to the board near the entrance, wanting to pin them for people to read. “Can you just fucking pay attention for once?” She slapped you again and you turned around ready to yell at her.

“I swear to god Jess if you keep distracting me I will ask Kathy to switch my schedule because I honest to god cannot afford to lose my job right now.”

“Just stop with the dramatic speeches and look at him.” You sighed in defeat and followed her gaze, eyebrows raising unintentionally when you took in the specimen not a hundred feet away from you. “See, I told you.” She laughed when you couldn’t tear your eyes away from him. He was standing by himself, a small notebook and a pen in his hand. He seemed to be scratching something off of the paper and you tried to make out his face from under the cap but couldn’t get a proper look.

“Have you spoken to him before?”

“Oh god no I would never. I’m only telling you because he’s more your type than mine.” She took the flyers from your hands and headed to the board, knowing very well you were distracted now.

“What type is he?” You finally managed to look away from him, staring at your friend for a response.

“Oh you know, he’s the quiet, damaged, hot guy type. And, he drives a motorcycle.”

“That is not my type!” You defensively replied and she told you to quiet down. “Come on Y/N it’s like he crawled out of your dreams. Can’t lie to me babe we share Netflix and I know what you watch. No shame there.” She finished the flyers and told you to strike up a conversation with him.

“Ummm, hell no. That’s not happening. Last time I tried to chat up a guy, I ended up imitating a velociraptor for a joke and he just walked away. I mean who does that to a person? At least tell me you’re not interested. Then again, I probably should’ve st-”

“Oh oh oh he’s coming this way. Quick act normal.” She whispered quickly before turning around and walking the opposite direction, finding the same group of people you helped a few minutes ago who seemed to still be lost.

You looked up in time for him to stop right in front of your desk.

“Hi how may I help y-” As soon as you finally took a good look at him, your heart hammered at your chest. Of course the universe was out to make a fool out of you and force you into an awkward situation with none other than Captain America himself.

“Hey, I was wondering if you could point me to the Dada exhibit.” His eyes were bluer than you could even picture and it took you a few seconds to process his question. “Huh ummm uha yes it’s on the second floor right as you walk up those stairs.” You pointed to the stairs behind you and patted yourself on the back for a grammatically correct sentence. Sort of.

“Great thank you. A friend told me there is a urinal that attracts the most attention and I had to come to see if he was just playing with me.” He smiled and you almost swooned from the soft expression. But you could also see why your friend described him the way she did. Maybe she knew who he was and didn’t tell you on purpose.

“Oh he’s not wrong, unfortunately. You didn’t hear it from me but I think it’s the most unpleasant art movement in the history of art.” You fell into conversation easily with him and were surprised when he laughed at some of your jokes.

“Thanks for the help.” He smiled again and you watched him walk away from you, incapable of not staring at his ass. What a glorious ass. The ass of justice is what that was. You laughed at your childish thought and tried to get back to work when he came back.

“Oh and I hope your friend wasn’t wrong about me crawling out of your dreams...if I am your type after all.” Steve watched your eyes widen in horror at what he had just said and laughed, jotting down something quickly on a paper before sliding it towards you.

“I’ll be around for a while so let me know when you’re on break. I’d like to buy you lunch doll if that’s alright with you?” Steve waited a few seconds for a response and when you finally nodded at him, he winked at you before walking away.

You looked down and saw he wrote his number and his name next to it. As if you needed to ask for his name. Your friend came back and asked you about the conversation.

“I’m going to fucking kill you Jess and put you on display with the rest of the cavemen!” You calmly whispered before walking away from her with a dorky smile on your face. She didn’t need to know she just got you a date with Steve Rogers. For now.

#steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #steve rogers fluff #captain america fluff #steve rogers fanfiction #chris evans #marvel fanfiction

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olaf-likeswarmhugs · 4 years

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Olaf’s Frozen Adventure Part 1 || Chapter Five: November 13

A/N: So…how did Olaf end up in Swynlake?! The journey began months ago! Things sure are changing in the Icelandic Hollow, and the more they do, the more Olaf has to question. In this chapter: Things get worse @huldufolk-hjarn CHAPTER ONE CHAPTER TWO CHAPTER THREE CHAPTER FOUR

Olaf: hey sindri are you around?

Sindri: yES

Olaf: Hey! Olaf: how's it going

Sindri: it's okay Sindri: how are you

Olaf: I started my new talent placement which has been a very exciting thing! Olaf: lots of NEW

Sindri: that sounds really fun are you liking it?

Olaf: Yeah! Olaf: Im working in the clinic with the listening, nursing, and healing-talents. I get to greet everyone when they come in and say goodbye when they leave. And if they need it, that's when I can give em the ol super Olaf hug Olaf: its nice because i still get to see a lot of different fairies! Kinda weird to be in one place the whole day though haha

Sindri: olaf i'm sad

Olaf [deleted]: there's just this ONE thing i wanted to tell you about thats kinda WEIRD Olaf: you are? that's okay sindri. do you wanna talk about it?

Sindri: i don't know what's wrong but i think i just really miss you

Olaf: i miss you too sindri thats why i texted you Olaf: i was like frost there is just one person i want to talk to and its my best friend

Sindri: sorry you were still talking Sindri: do you like staying in once place all day?

Olaf: No no no i was just gonna ramble, if you need to talk about other stuff we can Olaf: our best friend senses were mutually activated haha

Sindri: i just really miss you olaf like a lot and i think i'm sort of crumbling apart Sindri: maybe i shouldn't have come here Sindri: what if leaving was a big mistake and i just need to go home

Olaf [deleted]: you know, there is nothing wrong with admitting failure! coming home sounds GREAT Olaf: I don't think leaving could ever be a /mistake/ even if its maybe not what you thought ti was or it turns out you do have to come home. you definitely needed to leave, you worked really really hard to

Sindri: well i feel like an idiot Sindri: a lonely idiot

Olaf: you're not an idiot Olaf: you're the smartest and bravest fairy i know

Sindri: i need a hug

Olaf: ugh that is what i am BEST AT Olaf: :/

Sindri: i know

Olaf: ok im texting nemo to give u a hug from me Olaf: sindri do you think it would help if you moved into the hollow there??? Olaf: i mean i know its farther from the school and you'd have to work in the hollow but... Olaf: at laest you'd be closer to nemo! Olaf: and he'd give you your seven hugs!

Sindri: i don't know Sindri: i don't know anything right now

Olaf: ://// Olaf: hey Olaf: I love you Sindri, you know that. and im so so so so proud of you. every day, i think about how lucky i am to have a best friend like you Olaf: i believe you're gonna save the whole planet, sindri i really do

Sindri: you're the best person i know olaf and i'm so proud of you too i really am and i'm so happy you learned what your talent is and that you're having fun

Olaf: yeah i am i am Olaf: haha this really weird thing happened tho lol Olaf: its kind of a long story so let me know if now isnt the best time!

Sindri: no you should tell me i'm gonna go see nemo so i can talk to you on the way

Olaf: AHHH GOOD IM SO GLAD 🤝 thats me shaking hands with nemo! Olaf: he's a good kid i like him a lot sindri u tell him that

Sindri: i will

Olaf: okay! sooo story time ahaha

Olaf: So you know how the clinic waiting area is technically for both the healing ward AND the listening ward? so thats kind of like my office! They might bring me a desk so it will be very official, but right now i just kinda sit in one of the chairs and if anyone seems upset, I ask them if they need anything, like water, or a hug (since hugs are what im best at) Olaf: soooo it kinda looks like im a weirdo just loitering around right now haha which is funny Olaf: also there are big stretches where i dont do anything at all. but thats okay too because i can just read, which is always a delight Olaf: anyway so i was actually reading at the time when guess what?? Olaf: the mums walked in! they were really shocked to see me because i guess they thought when i was assigned to the clinic, they thought id be in the /healing/ clinic, not the /waiting area/ haha

Sindri: wow your job sounds really fun Sindri: did you get to hug them did they need hugs Sindri: i miss your mums

Olaf: well that's the funny part because they definitely did haha Olaf: they were there to see honeymaren, the listening talent! they've been going for MONTHS and never told me! Olaf: I was like MUMS what are you doing here?? and they were like, Olaf, we didn't know you were going to be here! Olaf: and i was like MUMS WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE Olaf: and they were like welp gotta go to our appointment olaf talk to you later Olaf: and then we did talk and they might be breaking up Olaf: Weird!

Sindri: ...waht

Olaf: right! Olaf: Isnt that so bizarre??? Olaf: I'm very shocked

Sindri: are you okay

Olaf: I'm fine Olaf: Im confused Olaf: I think its crazy they didnt tell me they have been having problems for months and going to appointments behind my back, haha

Sindri: you're allowed to be not fine you knwo

Olaf: oh no im fine its fine Olaf: i mean they cant actually break up right Olaf: that would be LITERALLY insane haha

Sindri: they might though....right? that's what they said

Olaf: Right. but. they're the mums Olaf: They promised to be together Olaf: They Promised Olaf: you cant just break a Promise

Sindri: i'm so sorry this is happening olaf Sindri: i really hope they don't break up

Olaf: They cant, it just wont happen Olaf: They'll figure it out! I mean, you know my Mums, they love each other more than ANYTHING in the world

Sindri: yeah you're right Sindri: they will figure it out

Olaf: yup! Olaf: whew Olaf: It has been a very long, weird day Sindri Olaf: If you were here, we could go to the evergreens and eat maple sticky nutcake

Sindri: that sounds fun i would love to do that with you

Olaf: yeah it does. Olaf: maybe i could fall thru a slush puddle for old times sake haha then u'd have to fly me home

Sindri: u made me cry again Sindri: in kind of a good way though

Olaf: oh good Sindri: i just love you

Olaf: i love you too Olaf: i kinda miss super slush puddle sindri and olaf tag team!

Sindri: me too lol

Olaf: right??? it was fun. really cold, but fun Olaf: i guess there's no use for a hugger though out on the puddles Olaf: Plus it wouldnt be AS fun without u

Sindri: yes there is! cold people need hugs too

Olaf: oh, true! Maybe I could ask Queen Iduna if she thinks i should do a field rotation

Sindri: you should!

Olaf: yeah, i might Olaf: I should probably do this for more than a week first haha, get in the swing and all but Olaf: maybe after that i'll ask

Sindri: and you'll let me know how it goes right

Olaf: yeah definitely Olaf: hey just wondering, are you planning to come home at any point to visit

Sindri: i can't really afford to which is so stupid

Olaf: right yeah of course Olaf: I just didnt know if you were maybe thinking of saving up or something Olaf: not that you NEED to

Sindri: i've been trying to Sindri: i don't think i'll have enough for this winter break though

Olaf: right, thats fine! maybe for summer? Olaf: for my birthday? Olaf: or some other day haha

Sindri: I can try really hard to have it for your birthday Sindri: i'll work more shifts

Olaf: just dont overwork yourself

Sindri: i won't

#soft #olaf's frozen adventure #story

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edelwary · 6 years

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when you were first getting into art, what and how did you draw? (like did you just doodle ur masterpieces on pieces of paper and posted-notes or did you have a proper sketchbook) how did you find motivation? bc ive been trying to draw but I always get unmotivated and stop while still wanting to get better just by doing nothing.

REALLY LONG, LOTS OF ADVICES FOR ARTISTS :

TL;DR ; skip to the HOW TO ACTUALLY FUCKING DRAW part bc i have a megaton of shit to say lol + The MOTIVATION part

mmh… I’ll get into details with this one tbh bc it’s a long ass process ahah :

I live by the sea ; when i was youung i used to draw TONS of boat, but like, dollhouse boats, you could see the insides and stuff ; i loved to add tiny details and stuff, and imbricate everything together !

around 8 or 9 yo, i went to the public library with school and discovered the wonderful world of mangas ! I basically… Copy pasted an entire Mermaid Melody tome x)

For about 2 years i alternated between reading mangas and trying to copy them ! Then i just kept drawing in the margins of my schoolwork for about… 5 years ! I have a Fuck Ton of sketchbooks of that time, it was… The start. Lol. Never say it’s bad because it’s never bad, just not there yet !!

Around my 13 yo, i went every saturday, for two years, under a bookstore ; there was a cave, and drawing classes ; that teacher was mean and harsh and stuff, but like… Not really. He would take away my eraser for the class, force me to use pencil, to draw something else (bulky boys instead of magical girls).

I’ve learned a lot, more in terms of How To LEARN to draw than to draw itself, but i still progressed a LOT !!

Then i kept drawing by myself for a year and i really worked hard on it ; about hours a day, trying watercolors and stuff ; i have a real problem with colors in traditionnal art, but i’m much better with lines (i should scan some RAD stuff i made in the weekend, yall ive never done anything this good i stg i dont know why i always forget im so much better on paper)

This gets us to my sweet 16 ; i have to year of advance, bc i got ‘’’promoted’’’ idk how to say it ; anyways, i entered my (current) animation school for the first year at 16; vERY IMPRESSIVE AND TERRIFYING.

And i learned. A fuckmegaton. Of shit there.

Now i’m going for my third year there and i can make photorealistic marmora blades and cyberkpunk decors if i want to and that’s rad, but here is

HOW TO ACTUALLY FUCKING DRAW :

I have one HYPER important advice, and i’m keeping it to heart since i’m like, 11 : Have. Sketchbooks. Please !!! It’s very important. Here’s why :

You keep everything with you in one place. You have 1 sketchbook, it’s basically easy to take every where (a A5, or A4 are pretty easy to carry, i have like, 12 of those, and around 8 of A3)

You keep track of what you’ve done. It’s super important, bc first you can cry of laughter at your old stuff bc its cute but not so good, and second, you can just be like ‘holy mama’ and see how much you’ve improved

It’s very important to be organized. I WORK in art, and trust me, if there’s something that i’ve learned this year through tears and missing files and bugs : Be. Impeccable. Now if it’s for fun, go a little loose, and just have a folder for art on your computer, and a sketchbook, no need to stress, but the better you try to keep a record of where is what, the better you’ll see whats wrong

Notebooks are friends !! You can draw, write, glue stuff, make notes, lists, everything !!! I have my life in those. It’s more important to me than any of my phones.

Be proud of it. Like, not everything, duh ! But try to tell yourself than it’s like a RPG ; even if it’s only 2 xp here and there, one day you’ll beat level 40, and that’s super important : art is. Fuckin. Long.

I cant stress it enough. It’s soooo long !!! SO LONG !! it’s years. It’s like karate and fishing and ANYTHING. To be good at it, it takes time, but it WILL COME if you keep trying. There’s no secret passage.

You’re gonna me it, believe in me who believes in you.

Use. References.

Coming from a little shit who’s got a really good visual memory, that can sound like bs, but i stg everything is always AT LEAST twice as good if you’ve used a visual support.

I’m not saying COPY EVRYTHING (even though thats a good training) I’m saying, if you really want to do that asian tiger, please have at least two or three pictures of it nearby. Take photos of your hands, and stuff !

Make it harder.

No eraser.

Paint.

I draw all my backgrounds on my sketchbook with INDIAN INK; no returns, no refunds.

Ink, Ink, INK !! Don’t allow mistakes.

And if you make mistakes :

New page, restart

It’s okay

It’s for you

I once started back again a whole EXAM bc it was bad, i got one of my best grades

You’ll improve and be more assured if you know you just have to DO IT. Trust me. It’s VISIBLE; if you can erase, you fidget and hesitate and ‘’kbeujebez hahhaaa idkkidsd’’ ; stop ; do it, and if you don’t like it ? Try again, there’s no time limit

Draw as large as you can

There’s no interesting story here, it just helps. Bigger movement of the hand, more place for details, breathing lines

Thin lineart helps

Thinner. Make it even thinner

Break the rules, but not the ones that structure your art

Big lineart ? Why not

Unfinished lines, vaporeous colors ? Pretty

Cubism is actually based on extensive and intense practice of classical art, it’s not wibbly wooblly ; the anatomy is more correct than you think

Structure and composition are important, but so is movement and life ; choose your fighter ; mine is fluidity and fun, i’m like, a rogue/archer in drawing. Some people are dwarf fighter. That’s amazing and great.

Don’t be afraid to do nothing

Pages and pages of my sketchbooks are actually just lance facing right and smiling, you know…

Sometimes it just doesnt work : two ways :

Take a break, Kiki’s delivery service style

Keep trying, break your art until it obeys and comes back

Take breaks. Breath.

Don’t compare. I do it, it doesn’t help at all. You’ll make it ; and if you compare, keep in mind that everyone’s different

I’m not gonna lie, it’s NOT easy, it’s even hard

But I really, really think it’s worth it

MOTIVATION :

My main bitch

I’m always pumped for art because i can LITTERALLY NOT do anything else ; i love reading and writing and stuff but at the end of the day i just want !!! to draw !!!! aaaaaa-

Fall in love with it, and with the possibilities ; i have stories to tell, tell me yours ! Do your best, one day it WILL work

Actual advices :

I have an inspiration blog where i just reblogs stuff i like to draw them later

Find a picture, copy it. Do it again. Change the characters (i have 2 ocs and Lance and Keith as default characters) in the pic.

Like an artstyle ? Break it to its very core, analyse it, copy it, redo it, trace it and ABSORB it. Don’t copy/past, LEARN from your heroes.

Do what you like. I have 86578 pieces of voltron, this is not a coincidence. I have ENDLESS ideas for this show, wtf.

Try new things. Buy indian ink im begging you. It’s so cool.

Have a game with yourself, or a challenge. STICK TO IT.

Study. When you’re bored, usually it’s because you’re stagnating. Make it harder or do hands until you cry.

Love your backgrounds; make backgrounds, study trees, and tokyo streets, and venice’s bridges. Decor is just as cool as characters, if not more

Mess a little with everything. My roomate more than one found me stained from head to toes trying to DO STUFF

Draw outfits. Draw what you want but can’t afford

MAKE YOUR LIFE A COMIC. Remember those sketchbooks ? Make a comic a week/month/every full moon, whatever, and draw your life (mine’s the roomates au lol)

Prompts blogs are cool too

Make fanart of a fic you liked ; you have the characters and the pose already, you just have to illustrate ; double bonus, you probably will make a writer’s day, if not year !

That little movie that plays when you listen to your favorite song ? DRAW IT

Your favorite scene in your favorite movie ? Redraw each shot. On post it. Plus it looks awesome afterwards to have the infamous TREX scene of Jurassic Parks in post it

Get bored. That’s inevitable. Dance, scream, get back to it. Walk, draw everything you see.

Make a paper google map street view : Take a walk : every 50 meters, draw what is in front of you.

Snapchats your friends. Draw their snapchats when they answer

Draw maps. Invent places. Invent bikes, and hovercrafts, and monsters. Make your everyday inventory. Make your life a video game, and do the concept arts of it.

FETCH your inspiration. I have approx. 20 artbooks, full of drawings and concept arts of my fave movies/games ; take what you like and add it to the story you have since you’re 8. We all have one.

Ask for it ; your sis, your mom, me even ! If you dont have ideas, someone will have them.

WELL i’m gonna stop there, even though i got like, 9864567 more to say, but with this you should be fine ! Anon, i’m rooting for you ! we all start somewhere, just hold on!!!!

#Anon you'll do it !!!!!!!!!!#asked #artist advice #art #i put my heart in this omg #it's 1.5 K WORDS #wtf #but yeah #you just gotta do shit and mess around

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uygmoeb · 2 years

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jxjsjdjs that's my dad for ya cx i mean i can kinda understand the frustration (?) seeing he was the first one sick and then i sadly got sick but like still, dad don't blame me for the sickness. not like i had sent special vip letters for germs xD but oof. *hugs you* at least you got through that dinner thingy! it may have been hard but you can at least let out a sigh of victory!!

that is valid! i say if you have the means of affording ps go for it! especially if you wanna improve your content! i am here to support that ^0^ and i also agree! there is also nothing wrong with the program you also use! whatever makes one comfy! it should be fun and not like, a chore to make content. omg those people that legit make things under like an hour of say music shows or mvs like, how? what? that has to be impossible like sure you can make it under 30 minutes (one time was able to do that) BUT HOW DO THEY GET THE SOURCES SO QUICKLY!? AND MAKE IT LOOK SOOOO GOOD!? me and a friend confrimed they are wizards lol. like i respect that but also their power fears me xD

and oh for sure! like back in the early days i think even up to like 2018 it felt different. everyone didn't care for like being popular or if people reblogged then same stuff over many times. people had fun (sure you had issues then but ya know what i mean?) now we come to today and yeah gifs improved alot (remember the orange filter in gifs xD) but like it isn't the same due to the likes to reblog issue (i think only one of my gifs has an even set for this) or the tags not fully working or someone taking other people's work. i feel bad really and on one hand, don't blame some that do leave

welp looks like we are stuck with overthinking for life then lol and yes you may! do let me know what you think of their songs! they have so many that you will have fun i think cx i can share some of my favs if you want! Also, also tomorrow is the day we share gifts and also Christmas so tehehehe ~moa Santa

sorry for answering this a day late !

are u still sick?? and right, its not like u wanted to get sick hskfj idk anybody who would.. but yeah im glad its over and i wont have to do anything that again for a while lol

we'll see what happens.. it'd be a few months before i can start like rlly thinking abt it but.. yeah we'll see hskfjhsk i've had trouble with it starting to feel like a chore and yeah,, no thanks i dont ever want that to happen again :/ ive only recently gotten back to it after too its hard to do DUDE YEAH they are wizards i 100% support that theory the power they have.. oof

OH i forgot about the way tags dont work sometimes now god tumblr still has.. so many issues and things wrong with it lmao and it always will be but i personally cant seem to shake this hellsite(affectionate) like i left and came back twice now so hskgjsl

also yes pls share ur favs <3 ANYWAY YEAH!! it's gift time now technically~ i've got some others im posting first but i am super excited for the one for this event and im even more excited to see what u made !! <3

#answered

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homoerotic-swordplay · 3 years

Text

I’m continuing my liveblog of The Untamed because its been over a year since I started and I’m still gay and alone:

Episode 14:

-Wei Wuxian is so soft and caring, he literally washed the ribbon and threaded it back through LWJ’s hair, like? He has so much love in him

-wahhh LWJs outer robes are soooo pretty, it’s a shame you mostly only see them in this stupid fucking cave of love or whatever

-pov: your dnd party was too poor to afford supplies in town and are looting bodies right before the bbed

-*gets zapped by gay magic*

-the inside of the shell really got me like 🤢🤢

-i was going to make a joke, *grabs sword* - *screams* BUT THATS LITERALLY WHAT HAPPENS ahahah

-stop i cant watch the cgi without laughing this is supposed to be serious 😭

-“the Power Puppets are boosted” BRO, can these subtitles please relax for one second. Im getting emotional whiplash with the scene changes

-“i never thought I’d see you this concerned” thats LOOOOVE BABYYYY

-*gets zapped with gay magic*

-My HEARRRTTTT *clutches chest*

-don’t think about how WWX literally remembered this song for the rest of his two lives after hearing it half dead in a cave it’s going to make you cry again idiot

-honestly the fact that Jiang Cheng travelled with just Jin Zixuan for that long and they didn’t try to kill each other is pretty amazing. Goes to show that WWX really is the instigator when it comes to dealing with Mr. Peacock

-*junmeng theme starts playing* NOOOOOO NO NO NONONONONONO

-*sobs* everyone at lotus pier loves WWX so muuuuuuch

-*record scratch* okay maybe everyone but one person

-nooo stoooop they’ve said “future sect leader” so many times in these scenes It’s just hammering it into my skull how upset I’m going to be

-*clicks next episode even tho its going to HURT*

#cql #the untamed #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #liveblogging

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geminimoonbeamx · 6 years

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Moths Wings/ Part 2

A/N: Fun fact; if I ever had a daughter I’d name her Phoebe. I’ve been obsessed with the name since I was little. Phoebe Halliwell was, and will always be my idol(ps, did any of you watch Charmed? I still love that show soooo much)

Word Count: 2k+

Warnings: None, this chapters pretty vanilla. It will get more and more intense as the story goes on. Eventual NSFW content. Cursing, as per usual.

Summary: When Bucky takes sometime to focus on himself- partially because he knows he needs it and partially because the team has seemed to Veto him off the island- and moves upstate he meets Y/N, a bright, kind single mother and her four year old daughter Phoebe. His heart’s been frozen for so long, but it cant help but melt as he get’s to know the little family and falls in love with the possibility of happiness.

Dear friend as you know, your flowers are withering- Passion Pit

✨✨✨

Phoebe wore her scraped knees proudly, showed off her Tinkerbelle band-aids as she helped you set up for dinner that night. You try to immerse yourself in the cooking, then in bathing and putting her to bed. When you’re cleaning, wiping down the counters, fluffing the couch pillows like you always do; you let your mind drift.

Bucky, his name was Bucky. The man who you’d been seeing every morning for the past few weeks while you walked Luna. Of course you had noticed him. You weren’t fucking blind; he was gorgeous. Tall, dark and handsome. All wide shoulders and muscles that were plain as day, even under the hoodies and layers he seemed to keep himself covered in. He’d moved into that house down the street; the one that Mrs. Blanchard had lived in for decades-up until a few years ago when she’d been taken to a hospice.

You could tell he wasn’t the…social type. He seemed nice enough though, with the small hello’s he said back to everyone. He just kept to himself, something you knew all about. It had taken you the better part of a year when you’d first moved in before you’d grown accustomed to everyone’s hospitality. Maybe it was a city thing? People definitely weren’t like this where you’d grown up.

The next morning when you get up and pull on your leggings and Nike’s, forcing yourself to throw yourself into your morning routine. You had to take Luna to stretch her legs, Vet’s orders. So you fight the early morning chill and take your dog out.

You’ve only been walking for a few minutes when you see Bucky, jogging across the street. He looks so focused, so “in the zone” that you feel a little torn. Did you wave? Did you call his name?

When his head turns to you, you raise your arm and wave lightly “Good morning” you call to him with a smile.

He just nods, mumbling a “Good Morning” back with a half wave before he goes on his way. You try not to let your face fall.

Well…okay?

Luna whines up at you and you just shush her. She’d been with you too long, she could read you like an open book.

“Come on girl, come on”

Bucky kicks himself for that for days.

He doesn’t even know why, it’s not like he had been rude? Right? He’d waved back…he just didn’t know how to…interact. But you’d been kind, and you probably thought he was some kind of fucking weirdo now. He doesn’t see you walking in the mornings either, and that just makes him feel lower. Had he freaked you out that bad? He tried not to beat himself up about it, he mentions it to Dr. Schnapp during one of their sessions(yes, the Therapist does drive out for their sessions twice a week) who reassures him that he’s made leaps and strides. That you had a young child, and that you sure as shit had dealt with worse additudes.

When Schnapp tries to delve deeper about why Bucky was so concerned about the possibility of offending you- Bucky gives one of those pale eyed glares and changes the subject, quick. The reason why he likes Schnapp? She doesn’t push too hard, she lets him off the hook. She doesn’t treat him like some science project she can push. He appreciates it, even if she does give him knowing looks that are almost eerie. When his sessions up, and she’s back in her car headed for the city he’s glad to be free of her perceptive gaze…he wonders wryly if maybe she has advanced senses too.

The next time Bucky see’s you, you’re under the hood of your car, muttering curses to yourself, fustrated.

He’d decided to take a walk, stretch his legs after a particularly frustrating phone call with Steve-

“It’s fine, Buck, it’s just a quick mission. In and out, there’s no reason for you to drive out here” Steve had reassured and it had felt like a punch.

“You mean you don’t trust me there?” Bucky had tried to keep his voice even, but Steve knew him too well for that. It was a mission to a Hydra Base. He’d be a danger. All that needed to be said were a few trigger words and Bucky would flip into Winter Soldier mode.

“It’s not you I don’t trust, I don’t trust them. And I don’t want you around that stuff if you don’t have to be” Steve had desperately tried to reassure but Bucky had shut off. He didn’t feel apart of the team anymore, he wonders if he ever really had. It had all been short answers after that, before the call ending with Steve promising he’d come to visit when he got back.

–He’d been strolling down the street when he’d heard you. You sounded close to tears.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck” You chanted, perking his curiosity. He crosses the street and approaches.

“Hey” He calls as he approaches, but you don’t reply. He looks around, unsure…but he can tell you need help, so he pushes on.

“Hey” He tries again and watches you jump nearly a foot in the air, your head smashing into the hood as you go.

“Ow, shit” You hiss as you rub the top of your now tender head, could this day get any worse? You peek around the car and see Bucky standing there, at the end of your driveway. “You scared the shit out of me!” You accuse, but it’s punctuated with a laugh.

“I’m, sorry, I didn’t mean to. I- uh, tried getting your attention but you seemed a little distracted”

You force a smile, he seems truly apologetic. It’s not his fault that you were elbow deep in the body of your car, something that you had no idea about. You’d had your phone propped up, watching YouTube videos; desperately trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with it.

“No, you’re fine. I’m just- It’s been an awful morning” you deflate, your hand going from running your head to cover your face as you attempt to take calming breaths. Bucky watches, empathetic.

“Yeah, mine’s been pretty crappy, too” He tells you, before nodding twoardes your car “What’s wrong with it?”

“I don’t know. It wouldn’t start at first, and then when I finally got it to turn on I tried to push the gas to reverse down the driveway and it wouldn’t accelerate” You don’t mean to complain- but you do. The morning had been a madhouse and you were more then lucky that Lucy’s mom(a friend pf Phoebe’s from down the street) had volunteered to take her to pre-school. You were late for work though, and you couldn’t afford to miss the day. If it came to it, you’d call an Uber, but you couldn’t do that everyday. That would add up and you would be screwed.

You felt screwed.

“I could take a look at it” Bucky offers and you shake your head instantly. What you knew about him is that he wasn’t very social, and you weren’t about to take advantage of him and make him fix your car.

“No, it’s okay” your voice doesn’t sound okay, though “I’ll just take it in tomorrow- I don’t want you to feel like you have to help me”

Bucky’s nose scrunches “Why would I feel like that?”

“I don’t know” You sigh “The whole single mother thing? Everyone always feels obligated to help me and it’s- it’s alright”

You give him a lot of information that he hadn’t even known. So you were single? He’d just figured that your husband was somewhere- working maybe? Even though he’d never seen a man around you. He hadn’t wanted to assume…

He knew what that felt like, though. People feeling constantly feeling bad for you. He endured it all the time.

“No, that’s not it at all. I just think I know what’s wrong, by what you’re telling me and I could fix it right now instead of you going into some mechanic and being charged an arm and a leg” He explains and you give him a weary gaze “Plus, what are neighbors for?”

It’s that mega watt grin that gets you, and you cave with a watery laugh.

Bucky was right, and he works with nimble fingers on the car. Nimble fingers that you noticed were still glove covered. Every time you’d ever seen him, he’d had his hands covered…but that was none of your business, so you leave it be. You talk with him, lightly. Bubbly. It’s easy conversation, noting prying. Just getting to know him a little.

And he lets you, responding charmingly, if not a little shyly which made him even more appealing. He learns that you work in a Call-Center and are luckily on good terms with your boss because you’re almost an hour late. You learn that he’s off today, had nothing more important to do and you let that be all.

“See, I thought so” Bucky assesses as he works “It’s your spark plugs, they need'ta be replaced, but if we get them cleaned up you should be able to drive for the day until you get them ordered. I can put them in for you when they come” “That’s too much, no” You protest as you watch him and he just cracks a grin.

“It’s really not, it’s an easy job. Plus, I like working on cars so it’s really no problem”

He really is handsome, you cant help but look him over. In a timeless way… that classic, old school kind of attractive that you only saw in pictures and on movie stars. You bet if he cut his hair and got a close shave; he’d give Ryan Gosling a run for his money. You liked the scruff though…

“There you go, start her up, would you?” Bucky finishes, putting down the hood and wiping his hands on his jeans. You dubiously get behind the wheel and put your keys into the ignition…and your car hums to life.

“Oh my god!” You squeal in delight “How did you do that? You know what, never mind, scratch that. I wouldn’t be able to pick it up anyway, I suck with cars” You laugh as you get out “I owe you my life Bucky…?”

“Barnes” He chuckles in response, not even thinking about it.

Huh, Barnes? That sounded familiar to you…but you let it drop anyway, feeling nothing but gratefulness.

“Well Bucky Barnes, I seriously owe you my life”

He shakes his head, amused. He guesses Phoebe must have inherited her dramatic nature from you.

“It was nothing, really” He insists, shoving his hands into his pockets. Feeling a little hesitant at the praise.

“It was- it really was. I would make you brunch, but I have to run to work. Seriously though, are you sure you don’t need anything…I could pay you-”

“Definitely not. It was my pleasure”

Just that grin and the way you were looking at him was payment enough.

“You’re too sweet. Thank you so much again. You’ll have to come over so I can cook you dinner sometime?” You try to keep it casual. You had neighbors over for dinner all the time…none as handsome as him, but still.

“Yeah” Bucky nods at the idea “Yeah, I’d really like that”

“Okay then. Let me know when you’re free”

You climb back in the car and he watches, fondly. No, he doesn’t stare at the roundness of your behind in that pencil skirt…

“And you let me know when those plugs get here” He coughs, trying to refocus his mind.

“Will do. Bye, Bucky, have a good one!” You holler as you pull out. He walks to the end of your driveway and watches until your car is turning, and out of sight. Watches for a little while after that, trying to figure out why he felt so warm all of the sudden, before he walks back in the direction of his house, in a much better mood then before.

@starstruckgardenstudentzonk

@lostinthoughtsandfeelings

@dani-si

@prettybubblesintheair

I love writing Bucky like this, fragile and still recovering. As someone who struggles with mental illness myself, I think it’s important to see it represented. Therapists visits and medication are okay to talk about, you guys. It’s okay. Tell me what you think about this so far! Do you like Y/N and Bucky’s interactions? Let me knowww. I love hearing you guy’s opinions! Oh, and as always, let me know if you want to be tagged in the next part!

💛

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x plus size reader #bucky x plus size reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #mcu #steve rogers #plus size reader #single mother #moths wings #passion pit #slow burn #fluffy as fuck #fluff #bucky deserves better #my sweet boy #phoebe halliwell #charmed

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