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moonlightreal · 8 months

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Reading The Secret Circle in 2023

I love this series. It was probably my first teenage witches series, it was YA before YA was really a separate genre, and LJ Smith is a solid writer. But I’m giving it a reread to see what I see, that my teenage self, who had read much less YA, didn’t see. And I’ll just write whatever comes to mind while I read.

The first thing and the main thing that made me twitch was Faye. The femme fatale of the coven, Hera the jealous goddess, boyfriend stealer and terrorizer of the school. In her first scene she’s pressuring a guy who has a girlfriend to take her out on a date, and since the whole school lives in terror of the coven’s powers the poor guy can’t say no. This is super uncomfortable.

Ms. Smith likes this femme fatale character type, she uses it again in one of the Night World books. I don’t think I’ve ever run across this kind of character in any other YA book. Faye is a very sex-positive character but also a sexual predator of unfortunate boys. She’s not a good person but she’s presented as wicked but still one of the good guys.

In the second book there’s a buck-wild scene where Faye, Suzan and Deborah play “Pizza Man He Delivers” they get the house done up like witchy love nest with candles, incense, crystals and music, and then they order six pizzas and if the delivery guys are cute they invite them in to seduce them. And I have so many questions. 1)did anybody do this in real life ever? 2)does Ms. Smith think anybody did this in real life ever? 3)how many adult films is this exact scene in? It’s straight out of a dirty video, with characters who are supposed to be 16! Ms. Smith is a much weirder writer than you might think lol.

Good girl Cassie decides this is wrong because the guys “don’t have a choice” even though they are enjoying the proceedings. The real life dangers of seducing and sleeping with random guys don’t seem to cross Cassie’s mind, so maybe their school has really bad sex ed.

But (back to slightly more serious thoughts) reading Faye it also occurs to me that she’s the femme fatale without ever being slut shamed. Her sexuality is scary but not shameful. Suzan, the voluptuous Aphrodite of the coven who barely gets a mention that doesn’t include mention of her chest size, is not really written as less-than because she likes seducing guys. In fact there’s a scene where Suzan helps the other girls get ready for the school dance and Cassie thinks, “She’d thought Suzan was just an airhead, but it wasn’t true. Suzan loved beauty and was generous about sharing it with other people.” and that is an amazing, amazing way to write the “fashion obsessed airhead” character type. Half my headcanons for Stella are based on that image that stayed in my head from the time I first read this series to the time I started watching Winx.

Each girl in the coven is based on a goddess, and they each have a signature color. This is not a bad writing trick to handle a bunch of characters and make them distinct! The third “bad girl” is Deborah the biker chick, based on Artemis the huntress. Deborah rides a motorcycle and wears itty-bitty tops and leather jackets and at one point has a leather hat with a chain on it. And she’s “not interested in boys.”

Ms. Smith was writing in the early ninties when there were “gay books” and ‘normal books” and she was writing normal books as directed by her publisher so all her characters are white-cis-het. But Deborah, while described as very pretty with a dainty face, is kind of butch. One of the boys, the cold and emotionless Nick, is described as not liking girls, but I don’t get any potentially gay vibes off him. If you wanted to read into it Nick could be ace and Deborah could certainly be a lesbian.

This made me wonder-- if she started writing again today when representation is the trend in YA literature, what would Ms. Smith think? We can’t ask her so I can only make a guess based on her writing, her blogs, and the fact that she’s no fan of Trump… I think she’d freaking love it. Ms. Smith’s jam is writing forbidden love, and now she’d have all these new kinds of couples to write and new reasons for their love to be forbidden. Thinking Night World here because that’s a series that could be expanded, what do all the supernaturals think of same-sex relationships? The witches are very traditional but same-sex relationships happen among animals so maybe the shapeshifters are chill with it. Who knows? Ms. Smith could worldbuild that stuff to her heart’s content and I think she’d have just a grand time.

LJ Smith mentioned somewhere that she put “everything I could find or make up about Wicca” into Secret Circle. There were BARELY any books about witchcraft in 1992, and I wonder what Ms. Smith could do today, when they’re everywhere and she could look up all different magical traditions. She’d have so much to work with!

So what did she have to work with? The girls use rhyming spells and lots of candles. They use herbal teas and homemade beauty products. There are circles and books of shadows. The elements and nature are mentioned a lot, but despite the girls reflecting goddesses they don’t worship the old gods.

There aren’t a lot of magic tools, interestingly. The girls use a lot of stones, each girl has a unique “working crystal” and a type of stone that they use most. Then there are the “master tools,” a set of regalia the leader of the coven wears: a bracelet, tiara and garter. Not a wand, besom or cauldron in sight! At one point one of the characters mentions typing up spells to make a “floppy disc of shadows” which is a phrase I think I read in a Silver Ravenwolf book, but I don’t think Ms. Smith read any SRW, she’d have pulled WAY more from it if she had.

But if you are, like I was, a young magic user looking for how-tos in fiction books, the Secret Circle is great. The main magical takeaway is the use of stones and crystals, which the girls use constantly. As jewelry, as pendulums, in spells, or just to hold to absorb their attributes. Each girl mentions her favorite stone at some point so whoever you are you’ll probably be inspired to use your favorite stones more often.

In fact I think I’ll drop the page from the old Circle Daybreak website here.

Finding your working crystal Each witch in the coven, male or female, also has a special stone, often of their color choice but not always. This is their working crystal, and is used to draw out their own special virtues and powers. Here are what different crystals can be used for and what they mean. You, too, can use your working crystal, in addition to wearing a certain color, to bring out these qualities in yourself.

The garnet brings circulation to normal, helps the blood clot, and purifies. It builds balance, awareness, and well-being, as well as preventing fears and insecurities. Garnets also draw out negativity, and can make one more attractive to others.

The ruby intensify love, compassion, and sexuality. It, too, brings circulation to normal, and purifies the blood. Also, rubies are high-energy stones for courage, boldness, and action. Faye likes to wear star rubies to increase her sex appeal to men.

Carnelian stimulates energy and appetite, as well as physical power and courage. It helps ground one to the physical plane, and promotes practical application of ideas. As Suzan’s crystal, perhaps this is why she has such a fondness for twinkies.

Citrine is Deborah’s crystal and may be the source of her energy. It provides a sense of stability and promotes practical application of ideas and a rational approach. Citrine also adds energy and emotional balance. It clears the body of toxins.

Topaz calms and cleanses. It relieves and balances emotional breakdowns. It aids in the healing of nervous fatigue, exhaustion, and extreme stress. Topaz also aids with headaches.

Peridot is used for clear sight and problem solving. It is a healer of the spirit and physical body. It provides protection from nervousness, and increases fearlessness and willpower. The circle uses it for dowsing. It helps with hurt feelings.

Melanie’s crystal is jade, and she uses it for mental clarity. It brings peace and calm, and has a stabilizing effect on the body. Jade also builds courage, clarity, and tranquility of the mind. It aids stomach problems.

The emerald strengthens memory, clear seeing, and wisdom. It enhances speech and creativity. Emeralds also increase intelligence, foresight, and prophecy. It aids heart problems and asthma, and eye problems.

Malachite purifies things on the material plane. Its bands provide protection of creative ideas. Malachite also promotes tranquility, success and good wealth in business. It is sometimes called lapis liguris.

Lapis Lazuli is used by vampires in The Vampire Diaries as protection from the sun. It illuminates the mind, and has purifying and healing properties. Lapis also promotes mental endurance, insight, and wisdom, as well as building good judgment and psychic abilities. It helps emotional healing.

Azurite aids in communication. It clears thoughts, and cleanses negative mental states. Azurite also aids in insight, vision, and hypnosis. It reduces stress and depression.

The sapphire aids in communication, as well as aiding clairvoyant perceptions, divine wisdom, and prophecy. It also cleanses negative mental states and disturbances. Sapphires help with nervous and mental disorders, and asthma.

Blue Topaz adds spiritual strength. It calms, sooths, and sedates. Blue topaz also brings a peaceful and natural healing state of consciousness. It builds mental clarity, and aids emotional healing.

The amethyst, Laurel’s crystal, has a calming and healing mental effect. It enhances the meditative state, and creates pure thoughts. It also adds spiritual insight and higher values, in addition to alleviating mental stress. The circle uses amethyst to ward off evil

Extra Secret Circle stuff: There was a sequel series written by Aubrey Clark. They are not very good. I did have them from the library but it was some years back so my memories are vague. Ms. Clark did her best but she just doesn’t have Ms. Smith’s gift for getting the characters right. She also killed off some characters, I think Suzan didn’t make it, which sucks.

Ms Clark brought two new things to the series: the concept of witch hunters and Scarlett, Cassie’s half-sister. My first reaction was, “Ha-ha, Mary Sue long lost sister!” but… it’s actually a pretty valid idea. Bringing in a child of Black John is a good way to add something new and connect to the original villain without bringing him back from the dead, and Scarlett can start evil and then be turned to good. Valid plot! I, uh, don’t remember if that actually happened in the sequel series, but the idea’s good.

There was a TV show. I was excited to learn this—but I learned it too late and could only find a middle episode and something I forget what about the plot annoyed me so much that I never tried to find the rest. I really probably should at least watch episode one, give it a chance, but the CW’s style is just so not my jam.

I’ve read that the show and the sequel books have similar plot points so that could explain some of the sequels’ events, if Ms. Clark was writing to tie in with the show.

#lj smith #secret circle #night world

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likeshipsonthesea · 4 years

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mianmian gets to the lan sect lectures, discovers very quickly that every one of her peers has decided to use this time to figure out how quickly they can get into bed with someone of the opposite sex, and decides almost immediately that she has to pick a suitably unattainable guy to have a crush on.

the thing is, mianmian is lanling jin’s head disciple. she is capable, intelligent, and very very gay. the last of these things she isn’t exactly keen on telling people yet for a variety of reasons up to and including jin zixuan will be so awkward and stubbornly supportive about it and she doesn’t know how to deal with that yet

so when her friends giggle over the other young masters and finally turn to mianmian-- who’s trying to memorize at least some of the fifty-thousand rules before their quiz tomorrow--and they ask her, “who do you like, mianmian?” she says the name that she carefully picked out of a handful of options.

“lan-er-gongzi,” she says, without looking up from her textbook, and she assumes that will be the end of it.

lan wangji is both incredibly attractive and unrelentingly resistant to all attempts to flirt with him. she, like half the other female cultivators, can moon over him (or pretend to moon over him) all they want and nothing will come of it. it’s perfect. she’s a genius. the worst she’ll have to do now is pretend to be infatuated with him when her friends start gossiping. it’s fool proof.

spoiler: it’s not

it’s not, no, because her friends are horrible and immediately start gossiping about it to everyone, and usually mianmian wouldn’t care but then jin zixuan finds out. jin zixuan, whose marriage complex is being brought to center stage with the forced proximity to his bride-to-be. jin zixuan, who for some reason decided he has to live his stolen crush-addled youth vicariously through his only real friend that isn’t related to him. jin zixuan, who for some godforsaken reason takes it upon himself to contrive situations for mianmian and lan wangji to be alone together incessantly.

it unfortunately takes mianmian longer than she would like to figure out what’s happening. she’d give herself a break for it-- she was being responsible and studying, thank you very much-- but she doesn’t have much sympathy for her own stupidity seeing as she’s currently locked in a section of the lan library with the second jade of lan

and suddenly, suddenly she’s just so fucking tired. of studying, yeah, the tests here are brutal and there’s no one to bribe to make sure she doesn’t lose points on stupid things, but also tired of lying to the people she loves and tired of training this hard and being an amazing cultivator only for people to care more about her eventual marriage-- to a man of all things!-- and also, let’s be real here, she’s been in lectures with beautiful capable intelligent women for like months and she’s losing her gay ass mind

and so maybe, possibly, as she’s locked in a library with a clearly confused and annoyed second jade of lan she kind of, momentarily, loses it and rants all of this at his steadily widening eyes

at the end of it, she realizes with no small amount of panic that she’s just confessed not only her attraction to women but the fact that she’s been letting wen qing’s ears of all things distract her from her studies. if anything, she’s sure lan wangji will fault her for inattention

but the second jade of lan, after a drawn-out moment filled only with mianmian’s labored breathing and rising panic, simply says, “i understand.”

mianmian stops. she squints. she tilts her head. she squints some more. lan wangji’s ears go pink and just like that she realizes -- “you’re a cut-sleeve.”

lan wangji’s ears go even pinker. he doesn’t nod, or agree, or outwardly react in any way, but mianmian is a capable, intelligent cultivator, and she’s sure of it.

mianmian sighs with a relief she didn’t know she could feel. “thank the gods.”

lan wangji doesn’t seem to know what to make of this response, or mianmian’s increasingly frequent trips to the library following their conversation, or mianmian’s staunch determination to befriend the guy, but that’s alright. mianmian is old hat at befriending awkward sect heirs by this point.

it’s not like lan wangji expressed any desire for her friendship, but the prospect of not being the only one with absolutely no interest in the straight shenanigans happening at gusu lan summer camp is enough to let mianmian ignore his obvious confusion. lan wangji is a great listener and only sometimes blushes when mianmian waxes poetic about the beautiful women she’s forced to surround herself with every day

“no but you don’t understand,” mianmian insists, alone in the library with lan wangji, “jiang-guniang asked me to help her with a sword form. i put my hands on her waist. i said something idiotic bc she was so pretty and right there and then she laughed. lan wangji. i’m in love.”

“yesterday you were in love with wen-guniang,” lan wangji says as he impassively turns a page in his book. “has this changed?”

“no, i’m in love with both of them. all of them. lan wangji. they’re all so pretty all the time. it’s horrible.”

lan wangji presses his lips into a firmer line, which mianmian’s come to understand means he’s repressing a smile. “i’m sorry to hear it brings luo-guniang such trouble.”

mianmian groans, fairly undignified, but that’s a lost cause with lan wangji at this point anyway. “i swear, if jin zixuan says one more bad thing about her i’m going to punch him and marry her myself.”

lan wangji says, “mn,” which mianmian takes to mean that he supports her in this line of thinking, which she finds both quite sweet and ridiculously funny.

grinning, she teases, “lan-er-gongzi, if i do end up marrying jiang-guniang, will you bear witness to our elopement?”

lan wangji’s lips press again, this time in the way that means he’s repressing a frown. “jiang-guniang’s brothers wouldn’t allow for an elopement,” he says.

mianmian huffs. “as if yunmeng or lanling will deign to host our wedding.”

lan wangji appears to ponder this for a moment before he says, “gusu will host it,” and it’s at that moment that mianmian realizes she’s actually gone and fucking befriended the second jade of lan.

what is her life.

of course, it’s not long after that that she goes to find jin zixuan and explain that she can’t make their weekly sparring match today because she has plans with lan wangji (jiang yanli tenderly brushed some of mianmian’s hair away from her forehead while they were working on sword forms and if mianmian doesn’t tell someone about it she’s literally going to explode) and she’s trying to be as polite as possible only for jin zixuan to scoff and pout (”i don’t pout”) and say, “i never took you for one of those women who throw themselves so wantonly at a man”

it’s only for having been friends with this absolutely horrible communicator for most of her life that she doesn’t immediately punch him in the face. “what did you just say to me,” she demands, but jin zixuan just sets his jaw and looks away, flushing down his neck in the way his mother describes as unbecoming and--

and mianmian suddenly realizes that her ridiculous best friend is jealous of lan wangji.

(in a friend way, of course, he’s like her brother, the one time his mother implied that he ought not get too close to women in case it jeopardizes his betrothal to jiang yanli, he insisted he didn’t have any female friends repeatedly as his mother delicately danced around outright saying mianmian’s name until finally she broke and jin zixuan was basically like huh?? mianmian doesn’t count?? she made me eat dirt like six times when we were kids)

the sheer ridiculousness of jin zixuan, to set her up with a guy and then get jealous when she spends all her time with him

and fuck her, but she loves her stupid awkward ridiculous sect heir best friend and she doesn’t want him to think she’s gone and left him for someone else (gods know jin zixuan’s loyalty complex rivals his marriage one (on second thought the two might be connected)) and so, after making a few quick decisions, mianmian grabs her stupid best friend by the wrist and pulls him to the library

he protests all the way there, but he’s been letting her drag him wherever she wants since they were five and it isn’t as if he’s going to break the pattern now. she drags him to the library and sits him down across a startled lan wangji and then finally breaks and gushes about jiang-guniang’s fingertips brushing her forehead and doesn’t look at jin zixuan once the whole time

lan wangji, on the other hand, sends jin zixuan frequent glances, as if worried on mianmian’s behalf, which is super sweet and also how the fuck did mianmian get two awkward sect heirs to care about her platonically wtf. she spares a thought for her poor auntie, who would’ve loved to have a sect heir care about her niece in much less platonic ways.

at the end of mianmian’s rant, jin zixuan is blinking quite a lot. “you like women?” he asks. he’s always been a bit slow on the uptake. mianmian nods. “you like jiang-guniang?”

mianmian shrugs. “more or less. she’s just really pretty and i’m dying about it. it’s fine.”

lan wangji says, “mn,” sympathetically and jin zixuan continues to gape.

mianmian winces. “you’re not going to be weird about this, are you?”

jin zixuan shakes his head quickly. “no, no-- of course not, i--you know that i--you’re my best friend, i don’t care--what does it matter to me, who you want to--to touch your hair.”

it’s probably the most awkward sentence he’s said to her in years, but possibly more articulate than she’d been expecting. it makes her tear up regardless and she punches him in the shoulder to hide it, and that’s basically how the three of them start hanging out in the library nearly every day after lecture.

sometimes they go to the sparring ground, bc who’s better sparring practice than the second jade of lan? and sometimes (once or twice) mianmian manages to convince lan wangji to join her and jin zixuan for lunch in caiyi town when they don’t have lecture, but mostly they meet in a secluded part of the library where mianmian can rant about how pretty all the women at lectures are, jin zixuan can turn pink whenever she mentions jiang-guniang, and lan wangji can “mn” and nod sympathetically at all the right parts

and mianmian thinks that’s going to be the end of it, they’re just going to be friends now and everything else will move on as usual, bc by some ridiculous trick of fate lan wangji and jin zixuan seem to like each other. which makes sense in hindsight bc they’re both awkward sect heirs who care about cultivation and people a lot even if they’re not great at showing it

(and he’d never say it but mianmian thinks jin zixuan’s easy acceptance of her liking women is probably the first time lan wangji’s ever seen someone accept that kind of thing before (maybe, possibly, other than his brother, lan xichen seems really cool, even if he does smile kind of intensely at mianmian whenever he happens upon her hanging out with his little brother.))

so they’re friends, they’re unexpected friends, and sometimes lan wangji even makes jokes in that dry deadpan way of his and sometimes jin zixuan doesn’t completely trip over his own words and manages to act like a normal human being and mianmian gets two idiots to care about and a perfect place to vent her womanly frustrations, and she thinks that’s the end of it and then wei wuxian accosts her after lectures one day

“do you like lan zhan?” he asks accusingly, eyes narrowed to slits. “what am i even asking, of course you like lan zhan, but do you like-like him?”

mianmian thinks sadly to herself that she’s much too into women to be dealing with all these men’s emotional problems. “lan wangji is my friend,” she says, carefully sidestepping wei wuxian, who continues to squint at her suspiciously. really, he’d been amusing when he flirted with her, but this? this is just ridiculous.

“does he know that?” wei wuxian asks. “because if he doesn’t, that’s just leading him on, and it’s really not nice to--”

“lan wangji knows we’re friends,” she says, trying to enunciate to get her point across clearly. “you can ask him, if you don’t believe me.”

wei wuxian squints a moment longer before he turns and flounces off. mianmian thinks this is the end of it until she’s accosted again after dinner with, “he said you were friends!”

for some reason, wei wuxian seems even more troubled by this than earlier. mianmian tries to suppress her eyeroll. “i told you he would?”

“but how,” wei wuxian says, suddenly whining. “i’ve been trying to be his friend for months and he refuses to acknowledge me.”

oh, mianmian realizes with a quickly dawning horror. she and lan wangji are not the only cut-sleeves at cloud recesses this summer. (she has suspicions, of course, but no confirmations on any of the others, but this. wow.)

she also realizes, decides really, that she has enough repressed sect heirs in her life and she cannot deal with wei wuxian’s cut-sleeve crisis or his evidently large attachment to lan wangji right now. she turns decisively and walks the fuck away. not her problem.

the lectures end eventually, of course, and mianmian and jin zixuan return to lanling with a horde of golden robed disciples, freshly deflowered and not all together more learned. it’s what, she thinks grimly, their sect leader would want.

the first few weeks go by and she realizes that she’s missed unloading about her frequent and fast falling-in-loves. jin zixuan just doesn’t sympathize right, bless him, and so mianmian takes to writing letters. she sends two without receiving a reply and just starts to write the third when a letter with the gusu symbol is delivered to her room.

she’s almost expecting to find a single mn written on the page-- she would’ve been delighted with just that, actually, the sheer hilarity of such a thing-- but instead she finds several pages filled with lan wangji’s perfect calligraphy.

it’s more than he’s ever spoken out loud, but it seems that propriety dictated that he return mianmian’s extensive letter with one of his own and he’s done so admirably. he responds to the events mianmian detailed in her letters-- most succinctly summarized as, woman are gorgeous and i’m dying-- and then writes about his own life in cloud recesses. apparently, he went on a little night hunt with wei wuxian and also nie huaisang and jiang cheng were involved? seriously, mianmian misses out on all the fun.

he’s also apparently taken in some rabbits, which mianmian immediately decides she needs to see. lan wangji, sitting prim and proper, with a bunch of rabbits in his lap? amazing. wei wuxian would die on sight, she’s sure of it.

he also ends his letter with a warning about qishan wen that has mianmian frowning. she takes it to jin zixuan who reads the paragraph and frowns. “i’ll talk to my father about it,” he says, which she can tell by his hunched shoulders he doesn’t expect to do much.

“talk to your father’s general too,” she suggests, because that man at least thinks with his head and not his dick.

jin zixuan nods but doesn’t hand back the letter. he skims it instead with a barely concealed surprise at lan wangji’s previously hidden expansive vocabulary. mianmian snorts and grabs the letter back. “you can write to him yourself, you know.”

jin zixuan flushes down his neck. “i know!” he insists and then turns and runs away because he’s a coward. mianmian shakes her head, smiling. what an idiot.

still, another week goes by and a letter arrives from gusu and, when mianmian takes it, assuming it’s for her, she finds it addressed to jin zixuan in lan wangji’s impeccable calligraphy and she grins to herself like an idiot. look at jin zixuan, making friends

(she suddenly understands why lan xichen gave her all those intense smiles during the lan lectures)

they go on in this way, writing letters to lan wangji from lanling. sometimes mianmian steals jin zixuan’s letters before he sends them so she can squeeze in some ranting in the post script without wasting a whole second thing of paper, and lan wangji replies dutifully, more verbose than he ever was in person, and it’s nice okay, like. she and jin zixuan have been best friends since they were kids but neither of them has ever been any good at listening and lan wangji is just so honest and earnest in everything, like they didn’t realize that people outside of lanling were actually not always plotting your downfall??? who woulda thunk

and then of course the wens go and ruin everything. they go to the wen lectures bc jin guangshan doesn’t want to “anger our trading partner” like the guy isn’t obviously going to burn carp tower to the ground the first chance he gets, and mostly mianmian and jin zixuan are just vaguely annoyed and put out about it

then lan wangji shows up with a broken leg and a burned sect and they are ready to murder some dudes

after years of breaking in and out of carp tower she and jin zixuan are old hats at this breaking and entering stuff and they manage to sneak into lan wangji’s guest quarters and tend to his wounds, ignoring all his silent glares and ranting furiously about how they’re going to murder wen chao by making him choke on his own dick (mianmian) and how they’re going to war with the wen sect even if he has to threaten his father with acknowledging all of his bastards as proper siblings in public to do it (jin zixuan)

lan wangji just says “mn” and makes various muted, distressed expressions, but mianmian thinks he’s touched.

“are your brother and uncle alright?” she asks, when she’s set his broken leg and forced pain medication down his throat.

“brother escaped with our sacred texts,” lan wangji says. “uncle is... unwell.”

mianmian knows lan wangji hates touch but the way he says it, with this horrible little frown, emoting more than she’s ever seen him, his barely suppressed anger and grief literally making his hands shake into fists, mianmian can’t help it, she hugs him. “we’ll make them pay,” she swears into his shoulder, ruining the lines of his robes with how she clutches at them. “i promise you.”

jin zixuan awkwardly pats lan wangji’s shoulder, which is a lot for him and mianmian spares a moment to be proud of his growth.

unfortunately, wen chao seems to delight in torturing lan wangji on his injured leg and lan wangji refuses to show weakness, which both impresses mianmian and pisses her the fuck off. she approaches wen qing (and her still gorgeous ears, sigh) and asks her to tend to lan wangji, since she’s like actually a doctor. wen qing does bc she’s beautiful, intelligent, and kind and mianmian spends most of that night sighing deeply as she relates this to a significantly drugged lan wangji

the cave of the xuanwu goes about the same as you’d expect. wei wuxian saving her from getting her face branded off is pretty rad of him, though he could’ve just like knocked the brand away instead of throwing himself in front of it but whatever, you do you boo. when lan wangji gets left behind the two of them don’t even have to wait for jiang cheng to grumble and ask for their help, they’re already on their way to carp tower for an army, thank you very much

when they rescue wei wuxian and lan wangji and lan wangji immediately turns to walk back to cloud recesses on a broken leg mianmian says, “fuck no, that’s not happening, you’re getting medical attention and then someone will fly you back home, okay, wtf wangji, sit down.”

and lan wangji is a stubborn bitch so obvs he’s like no but he’s also severely starved, dehydrated, and injured, so it’s not like he can just shake off mianmian holding him down and this goes on long enough for wei wuxian to wake up and see mianmian touching lan wangji, and something in his poor little brain just like breaks and he demands says, “lan zhan, come back to lotus pier with us.”

his argument, as he explains it, is that lotus pier is closer (it’s not; they’re just as close to carp tower as lotus pier) and that it’s closer to gusu for when lan wangji has to return home (it’s not; same deal) but then jiang cheng starts yelling, possibly in support possibly not mianmian’s not sure, and jin zixuan starts getting awkward, probably about the whole golden army behind him bc he’s a nerd and hates being overdressed at functions (this is basically the same thing), and mianmian looks at lan wangji and she sees--

something. she isn’t sure what exactly, but lan wangji looks at wei wuxian as he argues with his brother and he presses his lips into a thin line in the way that means he wants to smile and mianmian thinks, oh. maybe wei wuxian isn’t completely unrequited in his lan wangji obsession.

growing up in lanling, she knows how to use information to her advantage, so she immediately says, “young masters wei and jiang, what a great idea. lanling’s disciples would be pleased to accompany you and second young master lan to lotus pier to ensure everyone’s safe arrival.”

everyone splutters, indignant, confused, awkward (jiang cheng, wei wuxian, and jin zixuan, respectively) but lan wangji narrows his eyes at mianmian and doesn’t try to convince her to let him walk to gusu again, so she counts it as a win.

sect leader jiang and his wife seem surprised and annoyed, respectively, to be taking in so many guests, but sect leader jiang merely smiles pleasantly and directs them to some guest quarters and mianmian and wei wuxian ask, simultaneously, for doctors to tend to lan wangji and wei wuxian makes a face at her and mianmian sighs to herself that she really is too gay to be in the middle of his thing with lan wangji.

turns out, walking a lot and fighting a cannibalistic turtle on a broken leg doesn’t do wonders for healing. lan wangji is also the worst patient ever, he keeps trying to sneak out and get up even though word came from his brother that he’s safe and alright and that cloud recesses is starting to rebuild after qinghe nie and lanling jin came to its aid and pushed out the wen

but with the combined efforts of mianmian, jin zixuan, and wei wuxian (and even jiang yanli at one point, bc who could say no to her soup??) they manage to get lan wangji to just rest for a fucking second, really which results in the jin disciples and lan wangji staying in lotus pier for longer than anyone could’ve expected

mianmian spends most of her time (when she isn’t forcing lan wangji to just fucking stay in bed) working with the jiang disciples, practicing archery, sword forms, and mooning after all the beautiful women here.

(”lan wangji, i know she’s scary, but have you seen madam yu? she could whip me with zidian and i’d thank her” “luo-guniang, please don’t ask madam yu to whip you” OR “lan wangji, i’m almost positive madam yu’s maids are a thing, do you think they’d let me join them just like once” “luo-guniang, could you please pass me my sword?” “why” “i’d like to put myself out of this misery” OR “she made me soup. lan wangji. lan wangji, i know you’re not sleeping, wake up, you have to listen to me, this soup”)

they end up staying so long that when wang lingjiao shows up threatening a child about a kite while sect leader jiang is away, she has a lot more to deal with than madam yu. since none of this had been a “sanctioned visit” no one actually knew that there was nearly an entire troop of jin disciples staying at lotus pier, so when the wens attack they are sorely unprepared for what they’re going to face.

(and ofc lan wangji breaks out of bed heroically and keeps madam yu from whipping wei wuxian, which means they aren’t down one of their most powerful fighters and mianmian has to suffer through the moon eyes they’re making at one another in the middle of a battle no less, she knew wei wuxian had no shame but she’d been hoping lan wangji would have some)

after the wen attack (and defeat) on lotus pier and the jin’s inarguable part in it, the war starts in earnest. lan wangji, after his long rest, heals fine and goes back to gusu to help rebuild his sect and plan for war, and mianmian and jin zixuan return to carp tower to plan as well, ignoring jin guangshan and focusing instead on his general to ensure lanling supplies necessary aid in the war effort

and war is always shitty, of course, and mianmian hates watching her sect family die on the battlefield, hates waiting for updates after every battle to see who’s still alive, hates the politics and jin guangshan trying to wheedle his way out of fighting when there’s fucking lives on the line

(and she could never know, how much easier it is, with yunmeng jiang at its full strength, with one of the brightest minds of their generation there to plot and help, with two of the best fighters not out searching for someone and instead focused on the front)

they reach nightless city after months of fighting and mianmian is ready to just fucking stab wen ruohan herself when they’re suddenly trapped. blocked in on all sides by puppets, their fallen soldiers rising again to turn on them, and it--it looks like they’re gonna die.

“this sucks,” she says to lan wangji, stifling her fear and choking it down. “i never even got to kiss a girl.”

lan wangji just says “mn.”

jin zixuan, beside them, says, “i was an idiot about jiang-guniang.”

lan wangji just says, “mn.”

then wei wuxian pulls out a fucking flute and a-- floating piece of metal? the army of puppets and corpses stops advancing, held in place by-- music, apparently? and wen ruohan emerges from his lair, black energy falling off him in waves, wei wuxian the idiot flies forward to meet him, gets wen ruohan’s hand around his throat for his trouble.

lan wangji yells, “wei ying!” and mianmian thinks, really not fair that lan wangji is gonna get a boyfriend before i get a girlfriend

and then wen ruohan gets stabbed by jin zixuan’s half brother of all people. wen ruohan, along with his puppets and wei wuxian, fall to the ground. lan wangji rushes forward to catch wei wuxian, mianmian runs after him, finds herself in company with jin zixuan and jiang cheng. when they get there, wei wuxian is barely conscious but he’s-- he’s fucking grinning up at lan wangji from the cradle of lan wangji’s arms

“lan zhan,” he says, “you caught me.”

lan wangji nods, says, “mn,” which is basically his equivalent of i’ll always catch you, wei ying.

“really,” mianmian says aloud, “it’s so unfair.”

the aftermath of the war is more annoying than the war itself, what with all the politics and in-fighting and jin guangshan trying to be the biggest dick there ever was. jin guangshan tries to name himself chief cultivator in wen ruohan’s stead but nie mingjue suggests jiang fengmian instead and the lan sect backs him. jin guangshan tries to demonize the wens but at wei wuxian’s loud rebuttal and sect leader jiang’s backing (which is then backed by both gusu lan and qinghe nie) he’s once again shouted down. and then jin guangshan tries to propose to jiang-guniang for his son and the poor woman just seems so awkward and her father doesn’t seem to know what to say and--

mianmian elbows jin zixuan whose eyes widen ridiculously but, after another, harder hit, he suddenly stands. all eyes go to him, which mianmian knows he hates, but he bows to his father, then jiang yanli, and says, “jiang-guniang, forgive my father’s impertinence. this is not the time or place to be making such an offer, but he--” jin zixuan winces visibly. “--he knows of my feelings and wishes to make his foolish son happy. please, do not feel the need to respond.”

then he promptly sits down, flushing down to his neck, and mianmian shares a disbelieving glance with lan wangji from across the horrible nightless city palace room.

she’d really only meant for him to suggest jiang yanli answer privately, at a later time, but wow, jin zixuan really went for it. also no way jin guangshan knows his son has fallen in love with jiang yanli, so nice save face there. maybe he has been paying attention in all of their etiquette and political espionage classes.

jiang yanli flushes way prettier than jin zixuan and nods politely, stands and bows and thanks the jin clan for being considerate in this time of turmoil, perhaps they can discuss this matter at a later date (jin zixuan looks like he nearly faints at this, and mianmian feels vindicated in all her forlorn ranting. overreacting her ass)

when everything has been settled, wen qing has been appointed the new sect leader of qishan wen with promises to return land to those who lost it and pay reparations to the hurt civilians, as well as have the yin iron destroyed for good. during the final ceremony where all the sects have tea and pledge to be loyal to one another (until the next great war, of course) mianmian leans close to lan wangji and sighs, “her ears look even lovelier with her hair tied back by her new sect leader hairpiece.”

lan wangji says “mn” because he’s a cut sleeve in love with wei wuxian and has nothing even closely resembling taste.

mianmian, on her own, decides to make them both happy. before the jin clan departs from nightless city, she goes up to wei wuxian and asks for a moment of his time. wei wuxian seems confused but follows and, once they’re alone, he says, “mianmian, are you about to get me into bed, because i must tell you that i am a respectable young cultivator and you’ll need to marry me before--”

mianmian gives him her best unimpressed look (she’s had much practice with it, thank you jin zixuan) and cuts him off with, “i like women.”

wei wuxian’s eyes go wide. “but you and lan zhan--”

she cuts him off again before he can say something so stupid she has to stop talking to him to refrain from breaking all laws of propriety. “look,” she says, “you’re friends with wen qing. now that she’s sect leader, your brother can’t go after her. i, on the other hand, very much can. if you promise to figure out a way for me and her to get close, i’ll tell you a secret you’ll like very much.”

wei wuxian seems hesitant for all of half a second before he breaks. “tell me.”

“do you promise?”

wei wuxian raises three fingers. “promise.”

“on your sister’s life?”

begrudgingly, wei wuxian nods.

“on her soup?”

“just get on with it!”

mianmian smirks, pushes onto her tiptoes, and whispers the secret into wei wuxian’s ear. with that, she returns to the pavilion where all the sects mingle as they wait to depart, wei wuxian trailing behind her in a daze, his mouth hanging open.

lan wangji, who had been watching since mianmian asked wei wuxian for a moment to talk, frowns nearly imperceptibly. mianmian grins at him and his frown grows.

ah, whatever. she walks over to him, unbothered by the quickly growing alarm in his eyes. once next to him, she turns around to see wei wuxian staring unabashedly. her smile only widens.

“you’re going to thank me for this,” she says.

wei wuxian shakes himself, his eyes focusing, and immediately starts walking towards them.

lan wangji, voice flat but wavering, asks, “luo-guniang, what did you do?”

mianmian laughs, says, “i get to give a speech at your wedding,” and walks away just as wei wuxian reaches them.

(she does, actually, give a speech at their wedding. she may or may not be drunk during it, jin zixuan gets embarrassed for her, and she starts tearing up and has to hide it in the shoulder of her wife’s lovely well-tailored robes. it’s alright, though, wen qing doesn’t mind)

EDIT: now on AO3 with a real fic version from lwj’s pov!

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waxscoralpants · 4 years

Text

fav Temeraire moments (human edition)

I am wide awake despite having gone to bed and also Karm has now read enough of the books that I can talk about it without spoilers for the most part so here we go

I mean, it’s the most iconic moment right. All that angst at the beginning about having a dragon is resolved and Laurence says “my dear, I would rather have you than any ship in the navy” and we all clutched our hearts and died

I would pay money to read Laurence and Jane’s first meeting from Jane’s perspective. I can only imagine Jane see’s his adorable genteel blustering and thinks about all sorts of ways to make him embarrassed. Legendary FWBs

Laurence meets Tharkay’s high school sweetheart who he is too poor to marry :( but then they go on a secret nighttime mission!

Heartfelt Tharkay/Laurence conversation number one. I just want to know you’re okay, bro, just tell me when you’re running off so I don’t worry, love you bro

Tharkay does tell Laurence he’s leaving and Laurence is like okay :( I will miss you and then later Tharkay comes back with TWENTY DRAGONS and is like uh.... just thought they might help. Like, what, doesn’t he have anything else to do

Catherine tells The Boys that she is with child. Laurence looks around the room and wonders which of their fellow captains she fell into bed with. Ah well. Propriety dictates we will never know. I must suffer this mystery in silence. “Well that sucks, Catherine, whom the fuck’s is it?” immediately pipes in someone else

Same conversation someone eludes to Jane and Laurence’s antics and comments that Jane must be taking precautions. The purpose of several bizarre rituals of Jane’s suddenly becomes clear to Laurence who AGAIN was just too polite to ever ask

Laurence thinks about what he wants in life. And really, being in the Navy did rather suit him. He likes the adventure of serving in the military but also the idea of having a settled home to come back to. And, despite everything, he really does enjoy high society. And Jane is great and brave and interesting and fantastic and Jane, won’t you marry me? Jane laughs and says, well no, my dear, but thank you for asking. Laurence immediately goes and commits treason.

Tharkay meets Laurence’s high school sweetheart who he is too criminal to marry :( but then they go on a secret nighttime mission!

Tharkay, bemused that Laurence doesn’t understand why Edith’s husband is acting all weird is like, “it’s because you’re the coolest man ever. We’re all either jealous or pining how do you not know this”

Heartfelt Tharkay/Laurence conversation number ? Tharkay: Bro, you don’t have to do terrible things just because nobody respects you anymore. Laurence: :’(

Having assumed none of his friends will ever want to speak with him again, Laurence consoles himself that if Tharkay is willing to sail on the same ship with me for months, he must not absolutely hate me completely and ignores all the ways Tharkay continues to purposefully maneuver himself into Laurence’s life

IDK if this one stood out to anyone else, maybe I was just oblivious, but on said ship it cuts to a scene where the two of them are playing cards and Laurence refers to Tharkay by his first name and I nearly spit out what I was eating because I knew they were friends but not like, friends friends

Tharkay asks Laurence if maybe he wouldn’t be happier being a pirate. It is not clear to Laurence that maybe just maybe Tharkay would join him? Maybe? if it was on offer. No homo

Hammond (I love Hammond) is running from a scary monster and falls to the ground. He hears a deep powerful voice sternly tell the monster to fuck off and looks up. We, the reader, experience the book equivalent of a shot that pans up a character to dramatically reveal their sexy yet intimidating self. Practical boots, worn faded clothing, rough beard, kind blue eyes, tanned skin, calloused hands, a rifle, and a big hat. Hammond takes a moment to realize wait, this is William Laurence. I take a moment to realize wait, William Laurence is hot??????

GRANBY IS GAY, Y’ALL (If you reread the books now, you will catch many moments of Granby and Little walking into scenes together, other characters mentioning they saw them together a moment ago, or passing each other food. I love them)

After months of not remembering anything from the past ten-ish years, Laurence happens across Tharkay and is like “Oh wait, yeah this guy is awesome how could I forget him” and remembers everything

Can’t say anything from the last book! Because Karm hasn’t read it but oof there are some moments. Also I’m leaving out entire amazing characters and all the dragons but there’s just so much! good stuff! in there!

#temeraire #william laurence #tenzing tharkay #jane rolland #john granby #catherine harcourt

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docheros · 3 years

Note

Yes! Always! Tell me more about Anti and his tattooed crush nzbzbxhjxbxhs

how to talk about your fanfic without giving spoilers

KJJDJSAH jokes apart,, since the fic is about them getting together (i don't think they'll actually kiss in the fic D:), how about some headcanons of them dating, hm?

jj does like flowers, he just never knew the meaning behind most of them. so the first few times anti gave him a bouquet he was just there like "henrik what are those flowers what do they mean"

after 6 months: jameson "booket. booket for my beloved" jackson

anti never really entered jj's tattoo studio while they were flirting, only after they were dating. one time he closed his flower shop but jj wasn't finished, so anti went there to wait for him. needless to say he was amazed by it

"it's so cool!! and modern!! and fancy!!" "yeah it was henrik who designed it" "please tell henrik he's my new best friend"

jj is a tall boy so he leans down on the counter to kiss anti. anti still needs to be on his tiptoe

it was quite funny the first time they went on a date without their uniforms. anti, the florist, was wearing all black; jj, the tattoo artist, was with a pastel yellow vest and a coconut hat with a small sunflower. they laughed about it and took many photos

marvin was the first one to know. one day after they started dating, jj was leaving anti's flower shop and marvin appeared. they asked if that wasn't the "tattooed greek god" anti talked about some months ago, which anti confirmed

"god is he single- not trying to hurt you tho" "marv i'm dating him" "YOU WHA- YOU DID IT???"

unrelated but by the time the fic ends marvin hasn't found a súgar m0mmy #tragic

he hides behind the dapper clothes, but jj is a strong man. anti learned this when he saw jackie (jj's friend) one time and commented "oh- he has some muscles huh" and jj just "oh i *rolls up sleeve and stiffens his upper arm* i have some too"

anti after getting better from his gay panic attack: jameson. jameson did you do this because you were jealous. jameson i don't even know him. j a m e s o n

jj: p e r h a p s

they usually go to dates in botanical gardens, museums or zoos :]

anti likes to gifts jamie with a small bouquet and a cupcake. jj likes to gifts anti with a drawing of them and a link to a love song :]

they make playlists for each other like, a lot. in the present (fanfic), anti made a playlist called "dating the tattooed mustachioed: a playlist by hopeless romantic Anti Brody" fidjsjd

one time jj nervously showed a playlist he made thinking about anti. anti blinked and opened his spotify, showing millions and millions of playlists he made thinking about jj

"we have a lot of playlists for each other but we'll probably never use them" "nu-huh next time you kiss me i'll start playing chevy because i didn't make these playlists for nothing-"

ok that was it kfjdjsjd hope there were good!! :D

#i'm answering!!#anti #jj #dapperanti my beloved #flower shop/tattoo studio au

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cheseyre · 4 years

Text

good news, sluts! my brain's no longer being completely stupid (only mostly), i've seen the new asides and...have some thought-y thot thoughts:

*deep inhale*

Okay, first things first: this art style is soooo fucking cUTE and I'm a jealous, squealing bitch. Anyone who knows who the artist is, could you link me to them, stat? I think Thomas mentioned them at the beginning of the ep, but nYeh, brain hurt, doesn't wanna do wooork-

Okay, I'll admit, I was a little...apprehensive when I first saw the thumbnail and title. Part of it's just me being a bitter Remus Stan, but also...okay, deep breaths, controversial opinion time, get ready:

I don't ship Prinxiety.

Like, at all.

I can see the appeal, and these dorks were so very, VERY cute in this particular ep, but I was honestly turned off by the ship long ago due to how overwhelmingly popular it is and how some fans characterize these two and treat this relationship as if it's the only valid one, y'know, the works—slight tangent, but that's also why I don't ship Logicality or Remile. I honestly vibe much better with ships like Roceit or Analogical, y'know?

Cutting in for another brief tangent: I'm surprisingly okay with Demus/Dukeceit/Receit/Trashnoodle/Whatever-Their-Ship-Name-Is-Oh-God-Why-Do-They-Have-So-Many-Fucking-Names; maybe it's cause they haven't actually interacted in canon and the fan content gives me such good Gay Disney Villain content, idk man im weird—).

Still, their interactions were both hilarious and sweet and like I said, I see the appeal, it's just not my cup of tea. y'all Prinxiety fans got fucking FED and I'm happy for you nerds. Enjoy ze happy boys!

I guess another factor in my...low-key hesitance when I first saw what the ep was about is that...okay, get ready, another controversial opinion, le gasp: well, I'm not a big Virgil fan. In fact, at times, he swaps places with Patton as my least favorite sides—especially with some of his recent behavior in eps like DWIT (the "prohibit your breathing comment" really triggered me, for example). Sometimes, his attitude, especially around other sides like Roman or Janus, reminds me a little too much of my sister, who I don't have...a very good relationship with. Add to that how the more...intense side of the fandom has a disturbing tendency to turn him into the 'uwu precious woobie emo baby who can do no wrong' while unnecessarily villainizing other CERTAIN sides in the process, and...I think you all see where I'm going with this little rant 😅

However, upon actually watching the ep, he wasn't...that bad? I don't think? I enjoyed watching him be a flustered, disaster-y mess and genuinely excited at the end, his interactions with Roman were nice enough, and him literally pushing Thomas to make a move with Nico despite his obvious panic attack was a nice moment of genuine character development. I like seeing that, that's the good shit right there. And him being all flustered and shit, and smiling so much at the end of the vid was just...well, adorable. This man has no fucking right to be this cute, my god

alsoooo

pURPLE EYESHADOW

PURPLE EYESHADOW HE LOOKS?? SO GOOD?? WTF?? SLAY EMO, SLAAAAAAAY FUCK, DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO CHANGE MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME NOW?

alsoooo

hAPPY ROMAN

YESSSSS~ MAH BOI MAH SON MAH DUMB BITCH HIMBO PRINCE MAH EXTRA MESSY CINNAMON ROLL

ITS BEEN SO LONG

AND HIS LITTLE HEART EYES THROUGHOUT THE VID, OH MY GOD-

IMMA JUST IGNORE THAT "ADDING [MISTAKE] TO THE LIST" COMMENT I AM LOOKING AWAY I DO NOT SEE IT LALALALALA

THOMATHY, SIR, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING THESE TWO GAY IDIOTS SO BAEBY

Okay, but Virgil not realizing that "cyberstalking in real life" is literally just stalking is both a big ass mood and further proof that, yes, Logan is indeed the only one holding the braincell out of this disaster of a lot. God help them all if he ducks out in the next ep.

👀

And Thomas x Trash Can is my new OTP. I dub thee ✨ "Trashmas" ✨

we sTAN TRASHMAS

Wait, does that mean Remus actually WAS in the ep? Cause, y'know, trash man?

hmmm

👀 👀

Okay, okay.

With how much Virgil and Roman were going off about Thomas constantly lying, I was (understandably) a tad bit disappointed my snek son didn't even make a fucking cameo, but y'know what? In hindsight, I'm okay with this it's fineee~

He was just off playing with shadow puppets and stealing money from us desperate, content-starved peasants with his sheer extra-ness and, honestly? Gotta respect the hustle.

Get that precious, precious coin, dapper snake! Wring us poor losers dryyyy!

*evil snek laugh*

Also, this is a breather ep and adding Janus in probably would've caused unnecessary drama with the Roceit breakup and the constant antagonism between Virgil and him. It probably would've distracted from the point of the ep (flirting with social anxiety, exactly what it says in the tin)—much like it wasn't really Virgil or Remus's place to show up during POF. Does that make sense? I think it makes sense. Sorry, brain going brr-

Still, I can't believe the "Fuck Janus Sanders" Club is actually canon now 😂

God, first Patton in a skirt and now this.

Thomas Sanders, you delight in fucking feEDING this gremlin nest of a fanbase, don’t you? You RELISH our screams of joy and pain and suffering, dON’T YOU?

What's next, actual canonical Janus and Remus interaction? Patton saying the fuck word? The Dragon Witch comes back? Janus's bowler hat gains sentience and takes over the world, Doris-style? What do you have planned, Thomas? Joan? WHAT ART THOU PLANNING, I MUST KNOW YOU HEATHENS YOU FIENDS-

And Virgil's little "would it be fair to him" comment, tho.

👀

Like, I get in the context of the ep, he was likely talking about Nico and how it wouldn’t be good for a potential relationship with Tomas to be founded on lies, but still...my anxceit heart aches, man.

Gimme that sweet, sweet angst with a side of mutual regret and possible future reconciliation and maybe something more wink wink nudge nudge on top, pls

...and fries.

Honestly, tho, that entire bathroom monologue was fucking beautiful, man. And relatable, too—i can't tell you how many times I've talked to myself in public restrooms because I just didn't know how to get the words I wanted to say out. It's...kind of embarrassing, tbh

Speaking of embarrassing, uh, crying stall guy.

Just...

Crying Stall Guy

Like, I was expecting someone to come out the bathroom stall after Thomas stopped talking, but...I honestly wasn't expecting that. God, that whole scene was so cringe worthy and fucking hilarious

Honestly, Thomas in the ep in general was a huge ass mOOD and we collective gay/bi disasters ALL related with him, and if you say you don't, you're either lying to yourself or a demon.

There is no in between

sorry I don't make the rules

Like, I get this series is literally a gay disaster talking to himself for thirty minutes or longer, but like- EMPHASIS on the 'disaster' part 😂

Like...Thomas, you're lucky you're such a goddamn bean, because GOD, I cringing so hard when he first started talking to Nico

Although, I too have apologized profusely for genuine mistakes and am a flustered bi mess around my crush sooo

😅

And god, Roman's "thirty = old man" jokes made me feel old...and I literally just turned twenty, like, come on, man!

Maybe that's because I was literally watching this ep after finishing my ACT and had been sitting with a bunch of high schoolers, with their tiny fucking desks and tiny fucking water fountains smeh

*clears throat*

Anyways, uh, we STAN Nico Pintrovert Florés in this house

He gives me such big Carlos from WTNV vibes for some reason and this makes me sooo happy

and YESS, he's a WRITER

And he's??? So sweet?? A pure bean?? Just sits on his laptop at the mall food court all day, like a god-fucking iCON?? A Nightmare Before Christmas fan?? weARS GLASSES??

my hEART

*cries*

The fandom seems torn between "Nicomas" and "Karrot Kings" as a ship name atm—personally speaking, I'm casting my vote for the latter

*crosses fingers* please dont be another janus x remus multiple ship name issue guys, please please please I can't keep track of them all-

*clears throat*

On that note, I'm guess I'm gonna go try and whoo over my crush with carrots now. If THIS disaster can do it and make it actually fucking work, god damnit, so cAN I

Meanwhile, in hell, my brain's just screaming "CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST-"

God, I hope Nico isn't just a one-shot character, he's too pure and Thomas and him are adorable gay Disney fans and I stan

Oh, I wonder how the other sides'll react to him.

Wait.

Oh god.

This ep just unleashed a new fresh hell of potential Nico x Sides ships, hasn't it?

Welp, time to prepare for ze incoming flood of fanfics, I guess. I'll get my umbrella and rain boots.

That last shot of Virgil during the endcard was so fucking ominous oh my god mom im scared can you come pick me up-

Goddammit, Thomas and Joan, I'm NOT fucking ready to be traumatized again, fUCK

I wish I wasn't a broke ass university student so I could contribute to Thomas's gloriously extra Patreon—both so I can support my favorite content creators who make this amazing blessed content and also, to join my boi Janus in fucking destroying society by giving money to the people who actually deserve it, fuck YOU GOVERNMENT-

Okay.

New headcanon time as to why Patton, Remus, and Logan weren't in the ep: they were helping Jan film that Patreon promotional video.

Remus directed it, Logan helped with the lighting and script, and Patton was just there as the cheerleader.

The reason Janus made a dog with shadow puppets wasn't just to flaunt his deity status and prove how he is truly above us mere wretched mortals

despite that being the absolute truth and we all know it, don't lie to yourselves

No, it was really him trying to do something cute and silly for Patton, because Moceit rights, daMMIT

*inhales*

noww

guys, gals, and nonbinary pals

it’s time forr

the most wonderful time of the yearrr

WAITING FOR THE NEXT EPISODE

Step right up, folks! Hear ye, hear ye, my prediction for the next episode: Prinxiety v. Moceit! With special guest stars: Karrot Kings vibing in adorable gay and Intrulogical, bitter at being excluded aGAIN

Who will win? Who will lose?

here’s a hint: we all will because in this sick twisted game they are no winners only losers-

Place your bets, folks! ✨

Haha im not readyyy~

tl;dr

this episode has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and ended my suffering—an adorable calm before the... angsty fucking shitstorm that’s coming far too soon. Prinxiety stans, enjoy your food. Place an 'F' in the chat for me and my fellow grieving Remus stans. Trashmas is the true OTP, but Karrot Kings is cute too I guess. I've only had Nico Florés for 24 minutes, but if anything happens to him, I'll kill everyone in this room and then myself. Purple eyeshadow Virgil makes me question my sexuality aGAIN, and happy gay disney prince rights y'all. Say a big ole 'fuck you' to capitalism by giving your local dapper snake moneys. Concussion makes brain go brr and imma go buy some carrots and be gay now.

psst hey @quarantinevibes2020 you wanna join me in being disaster-y? i’ll bring my best gay stare and you bring the wine

Until next time, my lovelies! ~ Ches 🖤

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thinkingaboutyoungroyals · 5 years

Text

Just One Little Thing Stops Me Every Time (2/3)

Summary: T.J. and Cyrus (separately) get some unexpected advice from visiting strangers. (Hint: The title)

As the other students made their way out of the studio, Cyrus chose to stay on the floor as exhaustion took over every muscle in his body.

He didn’t know why he decided to come to the dance studio for a class in order to clear his mind.

What possessed him?!?! Did he forget that he was terrible at dancing?!?! That he had two left feet?!?!

That day, the studio had a special guest teacher fly in from New York to teach a class – he was a choreographer for several Broadway productions. And, suffice to say, the man was brutal! His routines were complicated and he took no pity on anyone, not even on a beginner and non-dancer like Cyrus.

For what it was worth, though, the man was kind of pretty, in a masculine sort of way. Cyrus was confident enough to admit that to himself now whenever he found someone of the male species attractive.

A sudden tightening in his leg muscles interrupted his musings.

Releasing a pained groan, he reached out with a hand to try and massage the cramp.

“Hey, you okay?”

Cyrus looked up to see the guest teacher looking down at him in concern.

“Yes, sir. It’s just a cramp. No biggie.”

The teacher shook his head, his bright yellow hat shaking with the movement (why did the guy wear hats when they were indoors, anyway?). The man dropped his bag on the floor before sitting cross-legged across from Cyrus.

“May I?” The man gestured to his leg.

Cyrus nodded, giving his permission.

The teacher reached out and replaced Cyrus’ hand. Gently and with much care, he massaged the cramp.

“You don’t dance much, do you?” the man asked, matter-of-factly.

Cyrus scoffed. “I don’t dance, in general.”

The teacher laughed. “Oh, really? I know you can, kid. I saw you! I pay attention to all of my students! You just need a little more work. It took me years to get to the level I’m at now.”

Cyrus shrugged. “Well, I wasn’t really trying to get to your level. I just… needed a distraction.”

He had mumbled the last part to himself but it turned out that the man had great hearing.

“Oh? Must be that bad if you decided to go to a dance class if you can’t dance.”

Cyrus blushed.

The teacher chuckled and continued to massage the boy’s leg until the cramp slowly dissipated.

“There you go,” he beamed, patting Cyrus’ knee. “Take it easy, okay? You might feel the aftereffects on your leg later so if it’s too much, just take an ibuprofen.”

“Thanks… uh…”

The man raised an eyebrow. “Wow, I should be offended that you don’t even know my name! I acted and toured in Broadway for 5 years, you know!”

Cyrus grinned, sheepishly. “That sounds amazing. For you, I mean! I’m not really the type to like the spotlight. I prefer being behind the scenes. Like directing and screenwriting and all that.”

“Sounds like my old friend, Kelsi. She’s a composer but she and I did our fair share of directing our school musicals back in high school. Well, when my sister wasn’t trying to make everything about her, that is.” He let out a fond laugh. “But, all in all, we both did pretty well for ourselves. Even my sister! Living in squalor for a little while mellowed her out a bit.”

A wistful look settled on the man’s face, making Cyrus tilt his head in curiosity. The blonde was chatty, that was for sure.

“You know, I’m not getting picked up for a few more minutes,” the guy continued, flashing Cyrus a kind smile as he moved beside him. “If you want to talk about whatever’s bothering you, a person you probably won’t see ever again can be a good listener.”

And, apparently, he was also kind of nosy.

Strangely, his calm and comforting demeanor made Cyrus think that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to talk to the guy.

As the son of therapists, he was aware of the benefits of talking about your feelings and letting your emotions out. He didn’t mind talking to Andi and Buffy but, at the moment, they had their own issues and Cyrus didn’t want to add to them.

It must be why he found himself talking.

“I have this friend,” he began, carefully. “And he’s been hanging out with this… girl. And… she’s not the nicest person around but they’re friends so…” He sighed. “It’s not like I can stop him from hanging out with his own friends, you know? But… Sometimes…”

He trailed off, feeling his chest clench.

The teacher flashed him a curious look. “Sometimes?”

“Sometimes… I wish he wouldn’t hang out with her,” Cyrus confessed, feeling a little ashamed at the selfish thought.

The guy hummed. “I see. Well, if you think this girl is a bad person, I get why you’re concerned.”

“He spends all his time with her!” Cyrus blurted out, feeling frustration taking over him. “We don’t even hang out as much as we used to anymore and I just… I miss him! But, I don’t think he misses me.”

He looked up to see the guy pursing his lips in deep thought.

“Are you jealous?”

Cyrus’ mouth fell open. “W-What?”

“Are you jealous?” the blonde man repeated. “And, it’s okay if you are. We are all susceptible to jealousy, it’s just human nature. So, are you?”

Cyrus wanted to lie, but he was never good at it. Lying gave him the heebie jeebies. So, he told the truth.

“Yeah… I guess I am. And I hate it! I wish it would just go away. It would make everything so much easier if I didn’t feel this way.”

The teacher hummed. “And… it also sounds to me… like there’s more to your jealousy than just missing your friend.”

Cyrus could practically feel his heart stop.

Was the guy implying what Cyrus thought he was implying?

The knowing look sent his way made his heart drop to his stomach.

He was so careful to hide his true feelings. And even though he had accepted himself as gay for some time now, he still wasn’t comfortable telling other people, especially strangers. He wasn’t even out to his parents yet!

How did this guy who had been talking to him for only 5 minutes already figure it out? What gave him away?

The blonde must have noticed his discomfort and flashed him a kind smile. “You don’t have to confirm anything. But, if it makes you comfortable…”

He raised his left hand and Cyrus could now see the white gold band on his ring finger.

“I’m married… to a man.”

Cyrus felt his mouth open. “O-Oh…”

He had never met a gay adult before. He always wished he had so he could them questions. Yet, here was one now, right in front of him.

He had so many things he wanted to ask.

Was he going to be okay?

Were people going to accept him?

Was he going to find love?

Yet, he couldn’t voice them out.

“So, I get what it’s like to be jealous of a girl,” the man stated, leaning back with his hands on the floor. “Back in high school, the guy I had a crush on had a girlfriend. She was beautiful, nice, smart, and quite headstrong. Everyone thought they were a perfect match.” He chuckled. “Gosh, I was so jealous! But, I had to hide it and pretend it didn’t hurt every time I saw them together. Senior year, I asked Kelsi to prom since I figured, might as well go with a friend, right? And he was there with his girlfriend. I taught him how to dance, you know? And he danced with her all night. And I danced with Kelsi all night. So, that was that. It was the status quo.”

Cyrus could hear the wistfulness in the man’s voice and wondered if ten or fifteen years from now, he would be talking about T.J. to some other gay kid who needed a bit of comfort and advice.

“How did you get over him?” he asked.

To his surprise, the man laughed and shook his head.

“I never really got over him. I guess it was one of those kinds of crushes that just evolved into something deeper.” He sighed, deeply. “We were friends but we didn’t really get close until after we both left for college. He stayed in Albuquerque and I went to New York. We were almost two thousand miles apart but, somehow, our friendship stayed intact. He and his girlfriend broke up. His best friend moved to California to be closer to his own girlfriend. And… well… I guess being in the same University as my sister reminded him that I existed.” He laughed. “Next thing I knew, he was asking me out, moved to New York during our junior year and then five years later, he asked me to marry him.”

Cyrus gasped, his eyes wide and his mouth open (again!)

It was the ultimate love story with a happy ending.

A love story Cyrus wished he could also have.

“I’m not saying that the same thing would happen with you and your friend,” the blonde man said, sounding serious for the first time. “I don’t know how your friend feels. But, I am saying that you shouldn’t take your friendship for granted. He sounds like someone very important to you and you don’t want to lose that just because you’re jealous of a girl. At the end of the day, you two are still friends and that’s a connection that’s special and unique to the both of you. Treasure it always.”

Cyrus did treasure his friendship with T.J. It was the only thing he was holding to throughout this whole Kira situation. But, old insecurities that never really disappeared kept moving to the forefront of his mind.

“I don’t know why he even wanted to be friends with me,” he said, softly. “I mean, he has more in common with her than with me. They both play basketball and are really good at it. I can’t even run up a hill without falling. We’re too… different.”

“Hmm... Well, here’s another thing. My husband was the second best player on our high school basketball team and I was in the Drama Club. For the first 3 years of high school, he and I rarely talked. He was all slogan shirts and baggy jeans while my hats always matched my shoes. He hates musicals while I live and breathe them.” The blonde man flashed Cyrus a cheeky smile. “Trust me, we barely had anything in common either. Yet, here we are.” He knocked Cyrus’ shoulder with his own. “And… a little hope never hurt anyone.”

After T.J. started hanging out with Kira, Cyrus had lost all hope of him ever possibly returning his feelings.

Perhaps, T.J. never did and Cyrus simply made himself fall into delusions of grandeur.

But, before he could say anything else, the sound of the door opening caught his ears.

Both he and the teacher looked up to see a man with dark curly hair entering.

He was frowning. “I thought you were going to wait outside for me, Ry.”

The blonde man chuckled as he got to his feet, picked up his bag, and walked over to the newcomer. Cyrus followed, curiosity getting the best of him.

“Sorry, babe. Got caught up talking to, uh… I’m sorry, what was your name again?”

“Cyrus.”

“Cyrus,” the man repeated, holding a hand out for him to shake. “Nice to meet you. I’m Ryan Evans. And this is my husband, Chad Evans.”

The other man growled, looking offended. “Danforth!”

The man, Ryan, chuckled. “He’s still in denial that he’s an Evans now.”

His husband, Chad, wrinkled his nose as he placed an arm over the blonde’s shoulders. “Sharing the same last name as your sister? No, thanks! And, you’re also a Danforth, Evans! Don’t you forget that!”

“Of course not, honey.” The blonde leaned in rubbed his nose against the other man’s before turning to Cyrus. “Legally, we hyphened our last names but it’s just easier to go with the ones we’re used to.”

“And if you’ve met his sister, you wouldn’t want people to know you’re related to her, even if it’s by marriage,” said Chad, looking disturbed.

Ryan rolled his eyes before shaking his head. “Thanksgiving is like a war zone with them,” he stated, fondly. “Anyway, we have to go. Our flight back to New York is tonight and we still have to pack and everything. It was nice meeting you, Cyrus. I hope things work out between you and your friend. And, take my advice. Don’t let this one thing get in the way of what you guys have. Trust me.” His gaze went to his husband who flashed him a questioning look. “You never know what might happen.”

Truth be told, Cyrus was still very unsure but he appreciated the advice. Besides, seeing the two men, looking different as can be (Ryan wasn’t exaggerating about the slogan shirts) but so happy and content, perhaps he could welcome a little hope in his heart for things to work out with T.J.

“Thank you,” he said to the blonde, giving him an appreciative smile. “It means a lot to hear that. And… to see you both. Maybe, there’s hope for me after all.”

Ryan nodded, his husband looking a bit confused beside him.

With one last wave goodbye, the couple turned and headed out the door.

Cyrus watched them leave, oddly jealous of the way Ryan had his arm wrapped around Chad’s waist whereas Chad’s own arm was over Ryan’s shoulder, both holding each other close.

T.J. liked to hold him like that, too, sometimes. When they walked side-by-side, the taller boy would just fling an arm around him, not realizing how he sent Cyrus’ heart into overdrive with the simple action.

Sighing to himself, Cyrus walked over to his bag and took out his phone to check the time.

There was a text message waiting for him from T.J., sent 10 minutes ago.

Are you free today? Wanna hang out?

Feeling a smile tug at his lips as his heart fluttered, Cyrus replied immediately. Sorry for the late response. I was at dance class. I’m free now.

Awesome! Where are you? I’ll pick you up.

Cyrus texted him the place before tucking his phone back into his bag and picking it up so he could head to the bathroom to change and freshen up before T.J. arrived.

And, this time, if Kira decided to show up and interrupt their fun, Cyrus would make sure that he wasn’t leaving.

He wasn’t going to take his time with T.J. for granted.

Tag list:

@myrandom-fandomlife

@miracufan

@amazingpartytattoos

@tyrusstan06

@tyrusoldme-am-spoilers

@lostandafraiddepressedgirl

@lovefortyrus

@luzawithoutu

@tyrustina

#tyrus #tyrus fanfic #andi mack #just one little thing

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icequeenoriginal · 5 years

Text

New Super Sarcastic Bros.

Pairings: Logicality and Prinxiety

Note: Me? Still obsessed with @sugarglider9603‘s Mario Au? More likely than you think. This was so fun to write so I did get a bit carried away. I hope you still enjoy it

Trigger Warnings: Deceit, kidnapping, tied up and gagged, knocked out, unconscious, hurt/comfort, manipulation, slight panic attack, fighting, swearing (I’m trying to get better at tagging triggers)

“You saved me, Lo!”

“It’s what I do.”

“You did awesome Virgil!”

“T-Thanks Ro. Let’s get you home.”

Bowceit rolled his eyes as he sat under the rumble of his once grand castle. He waited for the plumbers and the princes to leave before he got up and wiped the dirt off of him. Another plan had failed. He had lost to Logan and Virgil yet again and had neither Patton nor Roman as his husband.

Bowceit walked around, picking up the unconscious danger noodles from their various spots in the debris. He instructed the magikoopas that were still alive (and trying to flee) to rebuild the castle. He flopped into his throne as he watched the walls rise up once again around him. His decorations and lava were put back into their proper place. Slowly, his children woke up and choose to wait outside their rooms for them to be rebuilt. Leaving their father to sulk in his chair.

Once the castle was completely rebuilt, Bowceit made his way over to the kitchen. Pulling his favorite mug down, he turned to see one of his faithful Koopas making him a big pot of coffee. It was his tradition that after he lost to the Sarcastic Bros., he would drown his sorrows in coffee. His daughter had banned him from eating ramen noodles out of the coffee cup anymore.

Bowceit sighed as he took a sip. He was so exhausted. Every week he’d kidnap one of the princes, only to be defeated by the pesky plumbers. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how many different plans he came up with, nothing worked.

He silently contemplated giving up. He could continue being a single dad to his eight wonderful children. He could focus on running his kingdom instead of fighting. His stuff wouldn’t be broken as often as it was. Maybe, just maybe, he should stop.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the castle’s door. Finding that odd, Bowceit walked over. Upon opening it, he was greeted by a young woman. She was wearing a red dress and a red hat. Her eyes and hair were chocolate brown.

Bowceit would have found her beautiful if he wasn’t gay.

She smiled at him sweetly. “Hello there!”

“Hello” he replied deadpanned. He had noticed that in one of her hands was a red suitcase. He figured she was there to sell him something. He hoped the danger noodles would stay in their rooms or he’d lose a lot of coins fast.

“I hope I’m not bothering you but I was wondering if you could point me in the direction of the Mushroom Kingdom.”

Bowceit raised an eyebrow and raised the coffee to his mouth. “The Mushroom Kingdom? What business do you have there? Visiting the prince?”

The woman smile fondly “Oh nothing like that. I’m visiting two friends of mine. I doubt you know them.”

“Try me. I have a lot of...business...in the Mushroom Kingdom.” Bowceit took a sip of his coffee.

“Their names are Logan and Virgil” Bowceit immediately spat out his coffee and had a coughing fit.

The woman jumped and patted his back “Are you alright?!” She patted his back in an attempt to help him.

Suddenly, Bowceit straightened up “Yes, yes, I’m alright. What-What did you say your name was?”

“Oh, my name is Valerie. Do you know Logan and Virgil?”

Bowceit suddenly smiled and his confident demeanor returned. He straightens up and even fixed his leather jacket with his free hand. “I do. They’ve…done some work for me. How do you know them?”

The woman now known as Valerie replied “Oh we go way back! We’re longtime friends. Plus they…Oh, you probably don’t want to hear me ramble.”

“No please, I need to draw up a map anyway for you. Come in, come in.” Valerie was impressed by this man’s kindness and followed him into the castle.

“Would you like something to drink or eat as we talk?”

Valerie shook her head, wanting this visit to be short. She told Bowceit the basics, figuring the boys wouldn’t want a random stranger to know. This was more than enough for the villain. He concluded that the brothers have enough history with this woman to care about her wellbeing. Care enough that they would definitely come and try to rescue her.

Valerie tugged on his arm to pull him back into reality. “So, may I have that map now?”

“Map? Oh yes, the map! Excuse me for a moment!” Bowceit walked off and rubbed his hands together maniacally. Oh, how perfect this was! This was a sign that he mustn’t stop being a villain. He is one level pull away from trapping this woman. She will make perfect bait for the Sarcastic Bros while he can marry any prince of his choosing.

Bowceit suddenly stopped walking. A thought crossed his mind.

The princes.

The same princes who make no secret of how jealous they can get. Roman was more outward and Patton was inward but it was still apparent.

The princes who have never met this woman.

The princes who he wants to punish for helping to ruin his plans.

Bowceit smirked and quickly drew up a map. He walked over to her, forming his new plan with every step. “Here you are, my dear.”

Valerie popped up happily and took the map. “Oh thank you! It was nice meeting you.” Bowceit waved as she left.

Oh, this is going to be fun.

Prince Patton groaned as he rubbed his face. This was the worst week of the year. It was nothing but non-stop work and meetings. Usually, he would go as slowly as he could so he wouldn’t fry his brain. But now that he had Logan, Patton wanted to get it out of the way as soon as he possibly could. That didn’t make it easier.

Logan was a god’s sent for the past few days. He constantly checked on Patton, gives him neck and back messages and makes sure he sleeps and eats. Patton was currently distracted by Logan making him tea, so much so that he nearly fell out of his throne.

Logan walked in, carefully holding a teacup. “Here you go dear, take a quick break. I’ll look over some of those papers.”

Patton stood up and took the drink gratefully. He was clearly exhausted. “Thank you, love. You’re amazing.” Patton took a sip and felt the peace run down his throat to calm him down. Logan sat on the throne and began looking over the plans Patton had for building stronger houses for the Thomases and Talyns in the event of a Bowceit attack.

Patton smirked and sat innocently on Logan’s lap. Logan didn’t look up from his work, only wrapping his free arm around Patton. Patton leaned into the embrace and began to gently kiss Logan’s ear, cheek, and neck. Logan’s face progressively got redder by the minute and his focus figuratively jumped out the window. He turned his head slowly to captured Patton’s traveling lips.

They were interrupted by a sudden squeal. They both turned to see a very delighted Valerie. “Omg, Logan!”

Logan was shocked to see his old friend but no less happy to see her “Valerie!” He quickly picked up Patton and put the prince in his throne before running off to hug her.

“It’s been so long!”

“My, have you’ve grown!”

“I can’t believe you’re here!”

Patton felt his heart shatter as he witnessed the exchange. Who was this beautiful woman hugging his boyfriend? Logan has certainly never mentioned her before. Was she his ex…? No…Logan told him he never dated anyone before. He wouldn’t lie...right…?

Patton took a deep breath and walked over with the most genuine smile he could. “Hello there.”

Valerie curtsied “Hello your majesty.”

“Please, call me Patton.” She talks his hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. “And you are?”

The woman smiled “My name is Valerie.”

Logan patted her shoulder and spoke proudly “She is a dear friend of mine. We go way back!”

“Dear friend? Honey, I’m your best friend! Virgil’s too!”

Patton’s heart began to break as he watched the exchange between the two. They were so close, in a whole different world. A world Patton wasn’t allowed in.

Valerie tugged on Logan’s arm “Come on! You must show me around.”

Logan didn’t hesitate “Of course!” They ran out of the castle, leaving the prince with nothing but his work and a slowly growing pain in his chest.

Virgil sat bored outside Roman’s meeting hall. He started hitting his legs to create a beat. He figured he could start writing a new song. One for Roman so he wouldn’t stab himself out of frustration. He felt so sorry for his boyfriend. Virgil could barely handle the small amount of paper required for when he was a plumber, he could never imagine what mountains Roman has to climb as a leader of a kingdom.

A Talyn ran up to his with a newly acquired cell phone. The plumbers had them installed mainly so that the princes could communicate easily or if the plumbers needed the other’s help.

“It’s your brother.” Virgil nodded and took the phone, a silent thank you.

“Hell? Hey Lo, what’s up? Seriously? No way! I’ll be right there!” Virgil put the phone down and went to knock on the door that separates him and Roman. He shook his head, he couldn’t possibly bother Roman while he was doing serious business. He didn’t want to get in the way. Smiling to himself, Virgil took off. He figured Roman wouldn’t mind.

An hour later, Roman exited the room, feeling accomplished. He got a good amount of work taken care of which met he could spend time with Virgil. As Roman began to fantasize about what they could do, he saw that the chair that Virgil was occupying was empty. He had to ask several different Talyns and Thomases before finding the one who gave Virgil the phone.

“His brother called, your majesty, and then he took off.”

“Thank you.” Roman went to his room and scooped up all the documents he could and placed them in a bag. He figured Patton had been kidnapped again and Logan called Virgil for his help. He hopped into his carriage and hoped the Mushroom Kingdom was alright. Upon seeing everything too peaceful in the kingdom though, Roman began to wonder if there was another reason Virgil left.

As Roman walked into the castle, he barely dodged the flying bowl thrown his way. A few Talyns and Thomases were worried as they clean up after their angry prince. They practically pushed him into the kitchen, begging him to calm Patton down.

Roman could almost laugh at what he was seeing. Patton and his kitchen were covered in flour and dough as Patton angrily stirred in his bowl, sending the ingredients all around the room. Roman grabbed a cookie before stealing the bowl from Patton with a smirk.

“Yo Pat! What did the bowl do to you?” Roman’s smirk dropped when he saw Patton look down at ground instead of reply. Roman gently lifted his chin and saw that tears were forming in his eyes “What’s wrong?”

Patton tried to blink away his tears. “A woman…”

“A woman?”

Patton nodded “A woman came by…she said she’s Logan’s best friend…he never told me about her.”

Roman was shocked, Logan was so open with Patton, and a sinking feeling developed in his stomach “Best friend?” “Yeah, Virgil’s too…”

“WHAT?!”

Patton pointed to the window and revealed to Roman the woman hugging Virgil.

Who the hell does she think she is, hugging his man?! Roman balled up his fists and was ready to march right over there and deck her if Patton hadn’t physically restrained him. Roman didn’t fight it, opting to give Patton a hug. He rubbed circles into Patton back and Patton let himself cry.

Roman gave him a soft smile “Let’s get you cleaned up.” Roman grabbed a rag and began to wipe the food and tears off of Patton’s face. This allowed Patton to catch his breath and let more tears fall.

Roman got to Patton’s arms when they noticed their boyfriends and that woman were headed towards the entrance of the castle. Patton abruptly turned and began to wipe his eyes roughly to stop himself from crying. He grabbed the closest sponge and tossed it to Roman. “Start cleaning, please.”

Roman nodded and started wiping the wall. He imagined himself running at Virgil and tackling him to the ground. Not to attack him, just to aggressively make out with him to show the woman needed to back off. He never got the chance though, Logan called out for Patton and Patton shouted back that he was in the kitchen.

Logan and Virgil walked in with big grins on their faces as their boyfriend scrubbed away their sorrows.

“Hey honey, I’m back!”

“Ro! I didn’t know you were here!” Roman nearly threw the sponge at his head. He really wanted to yell at Virgil for leaving without telling him but Roman also wanted to yell at Logan for making Patton cry.

Logan gave Patton a side hug, oblivious to the pained expression of the prince’s face. “Since we’re all here, how about the five of us talk over tea?”

Roman turned his head to him bewildered as Patton hide his expression behind his bangs. “Five?”

Virgil gently took Roman’s arms “Yeah! We want to introduce you guys to Valerie!”

Roman looked at Virgil and his heart ached. Virgil looked so excited to introduce him, how could he say no to that?

Both Princes nodded their heads. Patton even told them to take Valerie to the common room so the princes could make the tea. That allowed the princes to regain their composure, however fake, especially after the punch to the gut of their boyfriends running off too quickly for their tastes.

Roman gripped the sink as Patton started up the kettle “We’re going to join them, aren’t we?”

Patton sucked in his breath “Yup.”

“Wonderful.”

Patton’s teacup was shaking in his hands “S-So, h-how did you guys met?” Patton took a sip to calm himself down. Tea always helped.

If anyone noticed that the prince was acting strangely, no one voiced it. Virgil decided to start the tale “Lo and I used to live in New Donk City, where Valerie is from.”

“Thanks for telling me about that.” Roman thought bitterly.

Logan continued “But we didn’t know each other. The day we really met was when we rescued Valerie from this crazy monkey who climbed up the tallest building in the city, the one we happened to be working in.”

Patton felt like he was going to throw up “I thought I was your first rescue…”

“It was nothing Valerie,” Logan replied

“Nothing?! Without you two, my city wouldn’t have its mayor.”

Both Roman nearly choked on his tea while Patton’s cookie missed his mouth. Patton gently put the cookie down and whipped his face before answering “Y-You’re the mayor?”

“Oh yes! I forgot to mention that.” The princes sighed. Great, she was basically like them. There was nothing to top it.

Roman wasn’t going to give in that easily “So what happened next? Did you two date or something?” He gestured between Logan and Valerie, not wanting to even think that Virgil was a possibility. The three city folk erupted in laughter. Valerie regained her composer first. “No, no! One of them would have to be attracted to women for me to date them. No, we’re just great friends.” Valerie smiled and leaned over the table, taking a hand from each of the princes. “I’m so happy my boys found such great guys like you.”

Once she let go, the princes exchanged a look that screamed: “She’s a keeper.”

And yet, that didn’t make it hurt less. The princes had never seen their boyfriends smile like this. They seemed so happy spending time with her. They weren’t bogged down with the responsibility of protecting her, they could be normal adults with her. They looked so relaxed, a calmness neither prince could ever remember providing.

It didn’t help that the princes weren’t being included in the conversations.

Roman gave up right away, watching the tea leaf float in his teacup. He couldn’t look at Virgil. He couldn’t watch someone else light up his eyes. He couldn’t accept the fact that someone else made Virgil happy before Roman ever met him and continues to. Roman felt so unneeded, he just wanted to lock himself in his castle so that he didn’t have to face the fact Virgil loved someone else.

Patton tried to jump into the conversations, but it involved inside jokes and memories Patton would never know about. Patton’s eyes fell on Logan. Logan…who is forced to save Patton every week while he only had to save Valerie once. Was that why Logan ran off so eagerly? To have a taste of life without having to put up with him? Patton’s heart shattered. Maybe Logan secretly hated him and was only still with Patton because he was a prince.

Valerie sudden straighten up with a look of realization on her face, snapping the princes’ out of their depressing thoughts. “I almost forgot! I wanted to visit the cafe Talent! .I’ve been told it’s a must do when you visit here”

Roman interjected before either plumber could speak, “O-Oh, you could go to that, or y-you could come and watch the tennis game Pat and I were about to put on!”

Both Virgil’s and Logan’s faces became red fast. A tennis game meant their boyfriends were going to wear their sports outfits. The brothers were not ready for that. They each grabbed Valerie’s arms and lifted her up at out of her chair. “We’ll see you guys after the game!” They ran off quickly, telling Valerie stories of their adventures to block out their fantasies.

“O-Oh okay…” Patton tried to stay positive as he watched them leave. “You kiddos enjoy yourselves while we have fun…playing tennis…right Roman?” He got no reply. He turned to see Roman walking off. “Roman?”

Roman walked over to the lake, eyes closed and hands folded. Once he made it to the edge, he abruptly opened his eyes and blurted out a huge scream of pure anger. The scream was so powerful that his people all the way in Sarasaland could hear him. Thankfully, (or unfortunately, if you are Roman) Virgil was walking in the other direction and lost in the conversation so he was unable to hear Roman.

Thomas and Talyn hide fearfully behind their equally terrified prince. Roman walked back over to Patton and smiled “Shall we?”

Patton just nodded his head and followed Roman back into his castle to get changed. In the distance, Bowceit was happily enjoying the spectacle. He threw his head back, almost choking from the laughter. He quickly realized he had finished his popcorn.

“Well, time to get this party started.”

~ They never made it to the tennis courts.

Once they arrived in Patton’s room the change, the princes flopped onto Patton’s bed. They are on different sides of the bed, heads meeting in the middle. Roman gently taps his feet against the headboard before kicking it in anger. He kicked it so hard that he moved so that their shoulders were next to each other.

“Who does she think she is?! Being all perfect and taking all their attention?! She’s hasn’t been around them like we are!” As Roman continued to rant, he waved his arms to strengthen his point. Patton listens intently to avoid giving attention to the aching feeling in his chest.

“And how can Virgil be so comfortable around her! He’s barely comfortable around me and we’re dating! Not to mention living together!” Roman covered his face with his hands “And I can’t even banish her since Virgil likes her so much.” Patton chuckled as Roman turned his head to him “We could kill her.”

Patton hit his arm playfully “Roman Marigold of Sarasaland! What would your mother say?”

“She would say” Roman straighten up and make his voice sound snooty “Roman, as a prince, you must be a host and you must be kind to all. We do not wish ill will onto someone.” His voice changed back to normal “And then she’d tell me to sit up straight or something.”

Patton laughed, that made him feel better. It’s been a while since the two of them were able to have a happy moment like this. They were children again, with no fear of Bowceit and no jealousy plaguing them.

Roman sighed “I can’t blame her though. It’s all me. I’m insecure about our relationship and I’m so afraid of losing him that I act like this but it’ll only result in me pushing him away.”

Patton did a double taken. “Woah, where did that come from?”

“...I’ve been hanging out with Picani too much.”

Patton smiled and gently bumped their heads together “Don’t worry about it, it’s not just you.”

“You?! But you and Logan are perfect together!”

Patton looked away “Perfect? I never heard of a perfect relationship that involves needing weekly rescues?” Patton shook his head and curled up into a ball “I’m so scared he’s going to become sick of rescuing me and he’ll just leave and I’ll be forced to marry Bowceit--”

“Hey, hey.” Roman caught his attention “That’s never going to happen. Sarcastic bros or not, you’re never going to have to be forced to marry that snake. I’ll make sure of it.”

Patton smiled “Thanks, Ro. You’re the best.”

Roman shrugged “It’s what I do.”

They laid there a little while longer, finishing off the cookies made by a stressed Patton. They continued to gossip and complain, just to past the time. Eventually, Patton tapped Roman and said: “Come on, we have work to do.”

Roman whined “No! I don’t want to!”

Patton pulled on his arm “We have to. We both have a bunch of individual work, plus we have to re-establish our alliance.”

Roman sat up. “Fineee. Hey Pat? Are we still each other’s best friend?”

Patton let out an offended noise “Of course we are! Why would you even need to ask?”

Roman dodged the question by continuing with: “So, because we are best friends, we would want our kingdoms to be allies?”

“Yes.”

Roman clapped his hands together “Great! Meeting’s over, let’s go back to complaining about our boyfriends.” Roman flopped back onto the bed.

Patton pulled him off the bed “Get up Roman, I know you don’t want to do this but we have to.”

Roman laid on the floor in protest “No, what I have to be doing is cuddling with Virgil in my bed with the door lock, keeping all my problems outside.”

Patton dropped the papers on him “Up, now.”

Roman sighed and gave in. They both sat on Patton’s bed as they read through the different files. Both of them let out a groan once they got through one packet in half an hour.

Roman looked up at the window and shouted “Hey Bowceit! If you’re planning on kidnapping me, now would be a great time!” Both princes began to laugh until they heard the sudden sound of running feet.

Patton suddenly became terrified “Could it be?!”

Roman shook his head but moved so that he was between Patton and the door “No way. He’s not that stupid to a) stalk us and b) actually listen to anything I say.” Still, Roman had a bad feeling and he reached down for his sword.”

The door bursts open, revealing an out of breath Logan and Virgil with a slightly frustrated Talyn. For a second, Roman wonder if they heard him and he was about to get yelled at.

Talyn pointed at the princes “See? I told you they were fine.” That didn’t seem to be enough for the plumber. They practically threw themselves at their boyfriends. Patton melted into the touch as if he had never been held before even though he was in Logan's arms hours before. He needed this so badly.

Roman was just very confused. He still returned the hug though.

Logan kissed Patton’s head before speaking “Thank god you’re alright.”

Despite all that, Patton was the first one to pull away. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

Logan looked down, ashamed “We were taking Valerie to the cafe…”

Patton grabbed his hands so he would continue

“And then Bowceit showed up in his gigantic ship and attacked the town. We fought him off but once the smoke cleared, Valerie was gone. We looked everywhere.”

Patton frowned and Roman shook his head, that villain would never give up.

Virgil continued “We were going to go straight to Bowceit’s castle but we stopped to check on you guys.”

The princes' heads snapped towards him as Logan nodded: “Yes, and when we saw that you guys weren’t at the tennis courts, we feared the worse.”

The princes exchanged a look. Did he say what I think he said?

Valerie woke up with a headache and with no idea where she was. She looked around the dark room and saw nothing. Her arms were tied to the arms of a chair and her legs were tied to the legs of the chair. She swore she could see a shadow watching her but when she called out, no one replied. She pulled on the restraints but it was no use.

Suddenly, the shadow moved into the light and she saw the man with the strange face from before. She needed answers now. “What’s going on? Why am I here?”

Bowceit smiled “Pardon my rudeness my dear but I did tell you a bit of a lie. Several actually. I felt bad so I brought you here. Let me start over. My name is King Bowceit.”

Valerie tilted her head “King Bowceit? Wait a minute, I know who you are! You’re always kidnapping princes!”

Bowceit scoffed “That’s what everyone one says now thanks to those two jerks you call friends. What really happened was I was supposed to marry one of the princes but those pesky plumbers got in the way. That forced me to use…different methods.”

“So kidnapping princes.”

“You say kidnapping, I say proposing.” “You’re insane!”

“Thank you.” Bowceit walked back into the darkness and flipped on the lights “But really, that’s beside the point, I brought you here to thank you.”

“Thank me?” Valerie was flabbergasted.

Bowceit smirked, “Yes, because, by the time those idiots are done saving you, I’ll be a married man.”

Logan turned to Virgil “We should get going.” He looked back at Roman and Patton “you two stay here.”

Virgil nodded “We should get some of the power-ups we have stored here, to make the trip faster.” The twins ran out of the room and to their makeshift armory. Roman got up from his spot on the bed. Roman stood up and his eyebrows pressed together.

“We were an afterthought.”

“Roman…” Patton didn’t want the fighting to continue. Even if he felt the same way as Roman. He gripped his chest, his way of trying to physically stop his heart from breaking.

“We were an afterthought Patton, they were just going to leave. And you know it too. I can tell by the way your holding your chest.” Patton didn’t reply, Roman knew him too well.

Roman groaned “These are our heroes, why can’t someone else save her…?”. Patton looked at the door before verbally agreeing with Roman. He didn’t want Logan to know he felt this way, not yet anyway.

Unbeknownst to Patton; Logan and Virgil had already returned and heard what was said. Logan sighed “They’re angry with us, but we really must go. We should fix this now.”

Virgil nodded “Right and we have to do this delicately.” Virgil walked up to the princes “You know, Valerie was our first rescue, so she kinda deserves it more than you guys.”

Patton once again had to physically restrain Roman.

“Excellent job Virgil,” Logan stated sarcastically.

“Oh like you could do better”

“I can, and will.” Logan went to cup Patton’s face but Patton moved away from the touch, he did not like being spied on.

“Why does it always have to be you? Why can’t you let anyone else do it?” Patton’s voice dripped with venom. He wasn’t angry at Valerie nor was he angry at Logan, he just had so much pent up emotions that were fighting to escape him.

Logan pulled back. The only other time Patton was ever this hostile was when he was possessed by the Shadow Queen. That’s a time Logan never wanted to revisit. He turned around, his eyes dark “Let’s go, Virgil. We’re wasting time.”

“We’re coming with you.”

Bowceit walked out of the room, satisfied with himself when he ran into the danger noodles. “Kids? Is something wrong?”

“Is she going to be our new mother?” Roy asked curiously, the other danger noodles nodded to indicate that’s what they all wanted to ask.

Bowceit smiled sympathetically “Sorry kiddos but no, she’s only the bait.”

Wendy perked up “What, you’re doing something different!”

Bowceit pressed his lips together for a moment “Okay, first, rude. And second, I guess so?”

Wendy started to bounce happily “Can we have a new castle?”

Bowceit was taken back “A new castle? Why do you want a new castle?”

Larry nodded “You’re doing something different, therefore we should have a new castle or at least a new theme.”

“This castle’s look is a bit boring anyway,” Iggy commented

“...I clearly spoil you, children, too much. BUT! You have caught my attention. Did you have any ideas in mind?”

“CASINO CASTLE!” They all scream in unison.

“Casino castle?” Bowceit smiled “I like it. MAGIKOOPAS! COME HERE NOW!”

Logan swirled around, clearly frustrated “What did you say?”

Roman’s arms were crossed by his chest was puffed out “I said, we’re coming with you. Patton and I.”

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose “And why do you want to come?”

“As the prince of a country, I don’t have to answer that.” Roman step forward and got in Logan’s face. As much as he could since Logan was the tallest.

Logan glared down at him, frustration taking over. There was so tension in the room that Patton found himself holding his breath. “No,” Logan uttered simply.

Patton winced, Logan sounded so angry. Roman would not back down, he grabbed Patton’s hand and walked out of the room.

Roman and Patton gave off one emotion each as they walked to Roman’s carriage. Anger and Sadness. Hot and Cold. Two opposites, yet they gave off the same amount of energy. An energy that terrified the people to not even blink at them. Though the Talyn who drove Roman’s carriage had to force themselves to ask where the princes want to go, not questioning why they both said ‘Bowceit’s castle’ simultaneously.

It petrified all. All except the plumber who could control it.

The plumbers jumped into the carriage directly after the princes. The couples sat separately from one another. Roman stared out the window, arms and legs crossed. Virgil, who was sitting across from him, looked down. He wanted to look into Roman’s soft eyes. He didn’t mean to snap. Patton looked directly at Logan, longing for forgiveness that wasn’t needed. Logan’s eyes were shut, he was hoping when he opened them, he would be in bed and the day would reset so he could make up for his mistakes.

Patton and Virgil locked eyes and silently agreed to end this fighting. Patton figured the best approach would be to switch spots. Not because he was planning to throw himself onto Logan, don’t be preposterous. Patton pointed at himself with one hand and Virgil with the other then switch them, hoping that it would convey his thought process. He got a confused look in return. Patton looked around before gesturing to Roman then Virgil. Virgil made an “oh!” face and nodded. Patton sighed of relief, Virgil knew exactly what Patton meant--

“Hey Ro!” Patton facepalmed, Virgil understood nothing.

Roman said nothing, he didn’t even turn. The only motion he made was to lift up his umbrella and pull down a curtain that cut the carriage in half with the handle. Mission failed.

Virgil sighed “Lo, my boyfriend’s mad at me and I don’t know what to do.” Virgil didn’t care who heard him, he just missed Roman. He looked at the unmoving curtain. If the princes were listening, there was no indication. Roman was but he was still staring out the window. He was lost in anger.

Logan shook his head “Roman is acting irrationally and is an overall stubborn person. This will eventually pass and everything will be fine.”

Both Patton and Virgil waited for Roman to stab Logan through. He didn’t. The curtain stayed still. Patton didn’t even have to hold him back. He didn’t move, he didn’t blink, the prince was quiet. The prince was quiet. That wasn’t a good sign.

Virgil began to panic “Great, just great. Roman is now never going to forgive me, I’m going to be banished from his kingdom and lose the best thing that has ever happened to me!” Logan rubbed his back and instructed Virgil to breathe. He didn’t notice though. He was focused on a certain sound. A familiar sound. A pleasant sound. It was faint, nearly a whisper. It was Roman’s singing. Roman sang to help Virgil calm down from a panic attack. Virgil was sure he was just imagining it.

He had no time to find out because the carriage suddenly stopped and sent the princes flying forward.

The sudden weight caused the curtain to rip off the ceiling of the carriage, involuntary catching the princes. Roman immediately sat up and fixed his hair. He then turned to check on Patton. “You good Pat?”

Patton nodded and tried catching his breath “Yes, I landed on something.” Patton patted the ground and his eyes suddenly widen when he felt it was uneven. He jumped back, he knew what he landed on. Logan got up from under the curtain and rubbed his head. He looked over Patton for any injuries but when he came upon Patton’s eyes. They were filled with fear and staring back at them. Was Patton afraid of him? He pulled the hand he had reached out to touch Patton back and looked away. He didn’t want to frighten him more.

Patton’s heart shattered. He made Logan upset. Logan thought he was being irrational in his jealousy, he had only said Roman’s name but Patton knew Logan was talking about him too. He was so scared that he would make Logan hate him. Now he didn’t even want to touch Patton. Patton was crushed.

Roman pulled Virgil up and even fixed his hat. Virgil smiled softly but Roman looked away. He was still angry, he wasn’t going to be the one to apologize again. Roman let out a “Hmph!” and made his way to the door.

Logan grabbed his arm and pulled him towards Patton “Stay. Here.” Logan grabbed Virgil and left before Roman could protest. The now damaged carriage was surrounded by Bowceit’s minions. The twins saw this as an opportunity to get their anger out. The enemies were dealt with very quickly, to say the least.

Roman glared at the shut door, he wasn’t planning on sitting around. He grabbed his umbrella and Patton’s hand and they walked out. He didn’t even have to drag Patton this time. Patton wanted to prove to Logan that he was worthy and to win his love back.

They spoke to the Talyn and informed them to keep the carriage there. The princes instructed Talyn that they should call some other Talyns to help fix the carriage but do not wait for the princes. They were going to finish the journey on foot.

The Sarcastic Bros actually didn’t notice the princes were following them until Roman jumped over Logan to get the flag at the end of the world. For Roman and Virgil, it became a race. A race for Virgil to close the distance between them and Roman to lengthen it. Roman wasn’t ready to talk yet. For Logan and Patton, it was like a game of ‘Hide and Seek’, where Patton did the hiding and Logan did the seeking. Patton wasn’t necessarily trying to hide from Logan, it was just that Patton wanted to show off his strength without any help

Despite all that, they actually made very good progress on getting to Bowceit. It was shocking how well they worked together, even when they were this emotional.

A Hammer Bro. sheepishly walked over to Bowceit. Bowceit was being fitted for a silver glitter suit with matching silver top hat. He looked happy. Crap.

“M-Master!”

Bowciet turn to it. “Yes? What is it?”

“Patton…was not in his castle…”

“What?!” The hammer bro jumped back, brought its hands up as if it was praying.

“W-We check the entire castle. We even attacked the kingdom, but he wasn’t there.”

Bowceit rubbed his temples “So why would you come here instead of going to get Prince Roman?”

The Hammer Bro. bite its lip “W-We did, also nothing.”

Bowceit clenched his teeth. Those plumbers weren’t smart enough to hide the princes, were they? “Find them. Now. I have a wedding chapel and no prince to get married in it!” The Hammer Bro ran off as Bowceit Jr. slithered in.

“Dad! Dad! You’ll never guess what I saw when I was in Ice Zone!” The danger noodle was practically dancing as he spoke.

Bowceit smiled and rubbed his son’s head “What did you see?”

“Mr. Roman and Patton were there! They were fighting and everything!”

Bowceit raised his eyebrows. This certainly was a different day. He sent Bowceit Jr. to join his siblings in the playroom. Bowceit pondered on what to do. If the princes were fighting, then they weren’t as affected by jealousy as Bowceit previously thought. Or maybe they were.

He wanted to find out.

Patton was exhausted. He was drained physically and especially emotionally. He wouldn’t stop, Logan was too important to him. Logan took notice of the prince’s slumped shoulder and yawns and forced the group to stop. “We should make camp.”

Everyone looked at him, bewilder. “Camp? Since when do we make camp?” Virgil asked

“Since we have two monarchs with us.” Patton looked down and hugged himself. Logan was frowning. Logan had his back turned to Patton. Logan was angry at him. Patton walked off and sat on a rock. Only Roman seemed to notice.

Logan used the mostly intact curtain and an array of sticks to craft a makeshift tent. “It can fit about two people maybe. Roman, Patton, you two take the tent. Virgil and I will be fine out here.” Logan was facing the tent, hands on his hips. Oblivious to the situation unfolding.

Roman stormed up to him, stared straight into Logan’s eyes and threw his sword into the tent. “Congratulations, you are now one of the only two people to ever make Patton cry. You should be so proud.” Roman walked off but in the opposite direction of Patton.

Logan's stomach flipped as he slowly turned to face Patton’s spot. To his horror, Patton was curled up into a ball, shaking. Logan couldn’t hear him but he knew Patton was crying. Logan slowly walked over and wrapped his arms around Patton. Patton’s head shot up but he otherwise didn’t move. Logan buried his head into Patton’s shoulder and pulled the prince close. Patton action turned Patton into butter.

“I’m so sorry for upsetting you, my love. The thought of you crying makes my mind go dark but to be the cause of it, there’s no greater crime. Getting your cold shoulder worse than frostbite. Your scorn is worse than the heat of any star. To earn your wrath, I must have done some heinous. I don’t know what I did to make you angry but I apologize for it. I hope you will forgive me.” Logan said softly, muffled by the prince’s garment. That didn’t make them any less perfect. It was exactly what Patton needed to hear. He only had one question.

“Oh, Lo…who said I was mad at you? I thought you were mad at me!” Patton exclaimed

Logan picked his head up, looking into Patton’s eyes to see if he’s joking “Darling, why on Earth would I ever be mad at you?”

Patton looked down, fixating his gaze on Logan’s lips. “It didn’t seem like you wanted me here or around, generally…”

Logan frowned “Patton, the day I don’t want you around is the day I’m dying so I won’t see you mourn.”

Patton bit his lip doubtfully “It didn’t seem like it, especially after Valerie arrived. You looked so happy spending time with her and you never asked me to come, so what was I supposed to think? You never told me she even existed!”

Logan cupped Patton’s face. “Patton-cake, were you jealous?” Patton nodded and moved closer to Logan. Logan smiled softly. “Oh my love, I’m sorry you felt that way. You have nothing to fear though, my love for you is unending. I apologize for not asking you to come, I didn’t want to distract you from your work.” The kiss they shared was as magical as their first one.

Once they pulled away, Patton yawned. Logan kissed his head and smiled “Get some rest love, you need it.”

Patton nodded and kissed Logan’s cheek. He walked into the tent as Logan used the spot Patton was occupying to sketch the stars. Patton climbed into the tent carefully to avoid knocking over what Logan had made for him.

He noticed that on top of Roman’s sword, there was a small ball shaped object on it. Knowing how much Roman cared about his sword, Patton flicked it away. Suddenly it started to let out a gas that was trapped inside it. Patton felt his eyelids become heavy and he passed out almost instantly.

For a few seconds, there seemed to be no explanation to what had happened to the prince. That is until two Buzzy Beetles crawled into the tent and shoved themselves between Patton and the ground. They slowly carried Patton out of the tent, making sure to go unnoticed. It was slow and painful for the minions, one wrong mistake and Logan would be crushing them. As soon as Patton was inches away from the Flying Koopas, they picked him up and flew away as quickly as they could.

Once again, Logan didn’t notice.

Virgil watched Logan embrace Patton for a few moments, he was proud of his brother. He turned and gulped, ready to face Roman. He planned on doing the same as his brother since it seemed to work.

Keyword being planned to.

Once he got a few feet from Roman, the prince turned his head sharply. Roman was wearing a glare. It was enough to make Virgil raise his hands and slowly back away.

Roman turned his head back “I thought you were Logan…”

Virgil sighed of relief “Sorry to disappoint you.”

Roman looked up at the stars. “Not disappointed”

Virgil stepped closer “Then what?”

“Frustrated, angry, a little bit sad.” Roman slowly turn to face Virgil.

“But why?” Virgil took another step towards Roman.

Roman frowned “You left.” Roman stood up “You left and didn’t tell me you were leaving.” Both Roman and Virgil took a step forward. “You did all that to spend time with someone who you are very close to. Someone you’ve never told me about.” Roman took another step forward.

A million sentences ran Virgil’s head. A million apologizes. A million ‘I love you’s. A million explanations. A million cynical remarks. A million jokes.

But all that could come out was: “You’re jealous.”

Roman rolled his eyes. He couldn’t tell if that was a statement or question but he was too stubborn to ask. The couple turned their backs to one another. Roman slumped his shoulders, he really didn’t want to keep fighting, but he couldn't’. It was his nature to just fight, fight, fight until the bitter end. It was who he was. It was who he had to be.

Virgil rubbed his arm absently, that didn’t work. He needed to choose his words carefully. He took a deep breath before he spoke. “Roman, you always get jealous…with other guys…and I…can’t take it anymore.” Roman whipped around, ready to plead with Virgil when a hammer hit him directly in the back of the head and rendered him unconscious. Before Roman could hit the ground, a Magikoopa used its magic to not only muffle the sound of the hammer but also to catch Roman. Virgil didn’t turn, he was working on what to say next. “I can’t take seeing you sad and suffering. I want to fix it, I want to help you.” Virgil smiled “So what do you say?” Virgil turned to see nothing.

Roman was gone.

Virgil sucked in his breath. Had Roman left before he finished? Did Roman think he was mad at him? Did Roman misinterpret what he said? Did Roman not want to accept his apology? Had he pushed Roman to run away?

Virgil ran to the camp, frantic. “Logan! I fucked up!”

Logan arched an eyebrow. “In what way?”

Virgil paced back and forth as he spoke “I was trying to make up with Roman and now he’s gone and I think he’s mad and now I don’t know what to do and now you’re giving me a look and…” Virgil began to pant, he had run out of words and energy.

Logan pulled him into a hug and rubbed gentle circles into his back. “Breathe Virgil. Remember, 4-7-8.” Virgil nodded and eventually calmed down. Logan gave him a small smile “Let’s wake Patton and find Roman, okay?”

Virgil smiled and nodded, he liked the sound of that. Logan poked his head into the tent slowly so he wouldn’t startle Patton. He frowned when he saw nothing but Roman’s sword. “That’s odd.”

Virgil tilted he head “What’s wrong?”

Logan stood up straight and pulled out Roman’s sword “Patton is missing as well.”

Virgil sighed of relief “Oh thank god. He’s not mad at me, just kidnapped.” It took a moment before Virgil processed his own words “Oh crap, Roman’s been kidnapped.”

Logan groaned “Most likely along with Patton. Wonderful, now we have three people to worry about.”

Virgil began to hyperventilate “Make that four.”

“...Ro…Rom...Roman!” Roman’s head jerk forward suddenly, a big mistake as it worsen the splitting headache he had he had. Roman attempted to get up and groaned when he found himself chained. Not this again…

Patton felt the relief wash over when he felt Roman stir behind him. He was shocked when he awoke to see he was no longer in his tent and it only grew worse as he slowly realized what had happened. He just hoped no one was hurt.

Roman wanted to ask Patton if he was alright, but the words died as the reached his tongue. Roman’s head was still blaring, but not from the injury. The argument with Virgil kept playing over and over, make Roman sick to his stomach. The guilt consumed Roman. He had truly screwed up, and there was nothing he could do about it now. Patton

Suddenly, spotlights turn on, blinding Patton and Roman. They now could see that they were chained to the wheelhead of a gigantic roulette wheel. The pockets were pink and orange, the princes could only imagine what it meant. Looking up at the balcony, they could Valerie trapped in large prize ball, looking terrified. Bowceit stood beside her, in his shiny silver sequin suit and holding a cane.

Roman burst out laughing “HAHAHA!! YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS!!”

Bowceit groaned “Oh great, Roman’s awake. Wonderful. Just what I needed.”

Roman smiled proudly “I live to serve.” That made Patton giggle.

Bowceit groaned and did something so extra, it even impressed Roman. He climbed off his balcony, climbed into the roulette wheel, and climbed up the wheelhead, all to slap Roman across the face.

Bowceit walked back to his spot, his wicked smile returning. “Now I’ve heard from a little birdy that you two think I’m not very fair.”

Roman narrowed his eyes “No you didn’t. You heard it from us, to your face, said among other things.”

“Roman, I swear to god, I will slap you again.”

Roman smirked “By all means, do it. Take your time even.”

“I’m not falling for that again.” Bowceit mumbled

Roman leaned forward “What was that?”

Bowceit groaned but took a deep breath, ignoring Roman to continue his speech. “Well, I want to let you both know that I am going to fix this. Instead of me picking who I marry, this handy-dandy roulette wheel will.” Photos of the princes appeared on screens behind the pockets. “And to show just how good I can be, I’ll let Valerie go with the prince who isn’t picked. Now, isn’t that just so nice of me?”

All three hostages voted no.

“WELL I DON’T CARE, LET’S START!” Bowceit pulled a lever and a large white ball appeared. There was a pause as a giant plunger, a thing you would normally find on a pinball machine, pulled back like on a pinball machine and sent the ball flying, round and round the roulette wheel.

Roman began working his way out of the chains, noticing what a sloppy job Bowceit had done this time. As Roman pulled his leg up to stand, he noticed that his photo slowly turned into Patton’s. Roman immediately sat back down and the picture turned back to Roman.

Patton’s eyes widen “Ro, did you see that?”

“Yup…”

Patton bit his lip “What should we do?”

Roman looked up, the ball was getting closer and closer to the pockets by the second, they needed to act quickly. “I have an idea pat. On three, we get up at the same time.”

“Got it.”

“One, two, three.” the princes both hopped up, keeping the same weight on the sensors. Per Roman’s instructions, they managed to get themselves out of the chains, each movement perfectly timed to be done at the same time. However, there was one more challenge, Bowceit had them chained on a small platform attached near the top of the wheelhead, it was very high up. The ladder was small enough for only one of them to go down, meaning whoever went first was dooming the other. Not to mention Patton was terrified of heights and didn’t seem to be moving now.

The ball was very close to the pockets now, they were trapped.

Virgil wants to break up with you because of how jealous you get. He never told you about this important person in his life. Does he really love you? Roman shook his head, he wasn’t going to let his panic thoughts takeover now.

Patton began to hyperventilate, he had no idea how they were going to escape now.

An idea popped into Roman’s head and he gulped. He turned his head to Patton “Patton?”

“Yeah Ro?”

“Forgive me”

“Why would I--” Patton was cut off by his own screaming. Roman kicked him off the ledge and sent him flying to the ground. Once Patton was in the air, Roman immediately jumped off the ledge. He hope that because neither man was on a sensor, the pictures would go back to blank.

Roman’s plan almost worked.

The only problem was that he waited a second to make sure Patton was off the ledge, that secure his picture on every pocket. It didn’t matter that he jumped, it didn’t matter that he was currently climbing out of the roulette wheel with Patton.

The ball landed on a pocket with his picture. He was chosen to be Bowceit’s husband.

Bowceit’s booming voice sent a shiver down his spine “Congratulations Roman! You are tonight’s winner!” A claw suddenly grabbed Roman and dragged him to Bowceit. Patton grabbed Roman’s hand and tried to pull him away but it was no use. Patton went tumbling backwards and Roman was struggling against Bowceit’s grip. Bowceit Jr. used his tail to press a button and the ball that held Valerie went tumbling towards Patton. It open once it was right in front of the prince and open. Patton quickly helped her out of it.

Bowceit chuckled “It has been a pleasure playing with you but we must be going!” Bowceit paused and exchanged a smirk with “Oh what the heck, one more game.” Wendy pulled a level and the roulette wheel disappeared. Suddenly, three walls appeared around Patton and Valerie. The walls got close enough that the prince and the mayor were touching shoulders. The walls began to move and pushed them towards the edge. Patton ran to the edge to see what their doom was only to jump back.

Apparently Bowceit decided that they would be trapped on a mechanical floating island, high above the ground.

Patton pressed his back against the wall, panic swelling up in him again. This was his worst nightmare come true.

Bowceit dragged Roman to the chapel, Roman noticed that it definitely had been moved. Bowceit placed him in the back of the church where there were chains waited for Roman.

Roman rolled his eyes ‘You sure had everything planned out, didn’t you?”

Bowceit laughed “Of course I did! I had a partner. Lady Luck was the integral part to my plan.”

Roman raised an eyebrow “And what does that mean?”

Bowceit locked the chains around Roman’s limbs “You see, I was expecting you to escape as quickly as possible and Patton would be chosen. But, I should have expected that you would sacrifice yourself. It was a 50/50 chance really.”

Roman was shocked “Y-You really didn’t know…?” Bowceit smirked “It’s called a gamble my dear.” Bowceit ran to the front, extending Roman’s chains so that they reached the other end of the chapel. He pulled out a pair of dice “I lied before, this is the final game.”

Logan and Virgil arrived at Bowceit’s castle as there was only about three feet of flooring under Patton and Valerie.

Logan was horrified “PATTON! VALERIE!”

“LOGAN! VIRGIL!”

“YOU TWO ARE GOING TO HAVE TO JUMP!”

Patton shook his head “Jump?! Are you crazy?!” There was two feet left when Patton patted his his sides out of nervousness. It was then he felt his umbrella was, after everything that happened, still attached to belt. Feeling it in his hands, his confidence returned. Opening it, Patton took Valerie’s hand and jumped. The umbrella caused them to float down slowly. Patton locked eyes with Logan and suddenly got an absolutely crazy idea in him mind.

Patton spoke softly “Valerie, could you please take the umbrella?”

Valerie nodded. Once she got one hand securely on the umbrella, Patton let go entirely. He found himself smiling. He wasn’t scared, he was excited. Within seconds, he was safely in Logan’s arms, like he knew he would land.

Logan pressed his forehead against Patton and whispered “That was crazy.”

Patton giggled “people do crazy things when they’re in love.”

Logan gently placed Patton on his own two feet. “I hope this means we are, as the kids say, ‘officially gucci’?”

Patton laughed and kissed Logan’s cheek. “Of course.”

Virgil made sure Valerie was securely on the ground before running around, looking for Roman. Patton moved away from logan and spoke sadly ‘Roman was taken by Bowceit.”

Virgil paused his pacing. ‘What direction?”

Patton pointed to the balcony and that was all Virgil needed. He used the flying Koopas as makeshift stairs that lead him straight to the chapel.

Logan found a hiding spot for Patton and Valerie before following Virgil. Patton and Valerie only had to exchange a look before they ran after the brothers to help them save Roman.

Roman was truly in hell. Bowceit didn’t even let him go down the aisle on his own accord. With each roll of the dice, Roman was pulled forcefully towards the altar, the chains digging into his wrists. It took Bowceit rolling an 11, a 15 and a 5 to get him to the altar. Clearly the dices had been rigged.

The Koopa who was being the priest began to speak. “Dearly beloveds, we are gathered today in the presence of these witnesses to join this king and this prince in Holy Matrimony. If anyone objects to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Both Bowceit and Roman looked at the door. They waited a few moments but nothing happened.

Bowceit threw his head back in joy “Ha! Looks like your little hero isn’t coming! Looks like he really like that girl more than you.”

Roman growled but looked down, he wasn’t going to allow himself to be tricked by Bowceit’s words once again. Though, he couldn’t just ignore than aching feeling in his chest. It was so loud, he could barely hear what the Koopa was saying.

“And now for the rings.”

Virgil kicked open the chapel down “RING, RING! GET AWAY FROM MY MAN BITCH!”

Roman sighed happily, hearts practically forming around him as he cupped his own face. Bowceit rolled his eyes “THAT DIDN’T EVEN RHYME!”

Needless to say, the fight ended just as Valerie and Patton appeared at the chapel.

Virgil undid the chains and looked at Roman, slightly unsure of what to say or do. “A-Are you okay?” Roman responding by tackling Virgil and kissing him passionately repeatedly.

Once Roman released Virgil from the onslaught of kisses and apologizes, Valerie embraced the princes.

“I’m so glad you two are alright, I can’t believe you guys go through that on the weekly.”

The princes happily hugged her back. “It’s nothing, we’re sorry you got dragged into it.” Roman spoke confidently.

Patton nodded “And if it’s any consolation, we would like to spend some time with you, to get to know you truly.”

Valerie wrapped her arms around each of their shoulders “I would love that. In fact, I have plenty of embarrassing stories to tell you two about your heroes.”

Patton and Roman exchanged smirks much to their boyfriends’ dismay. She truly was a keeper.

Tag list:

@corkeecoderyt @Per-seph-o-nee @Ohshrekmyheck @3milystuff @Asymmetricalgarbage8888 @fairytailtwists @sanders-sides-rebloger @sanderssidesfluffyangst @unikornavenger @0callmevirge0 @gloomingwitch @roxiefox24 @ijustreallylovesanderssides @unisaurioamorfo

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #logicality #prinxiety #mario au #long post #roman sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #deceit sanders

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scripted-dalliances · 5 years

Text

Faithless Fairy Tale

Title: Faithless Fairy Tale

Word Count: 5432 words

Summary: Laura and Sweeney get a happy ending. (Canon up until the last episode.)

Author’s note: I haven’t posted to tumblr in six million years and it shows by the fact that I still don’t know if I even posted this right, and if I mess up I’m sorry and just tell me. All of this is Neil’s and it’s pretty obvious I’m only playing in his sandbox. *There are a few direct lines from the book, between Laura and Shadow, freakin’ important ones I hope they one day put in the show.

Despite what one might presume given…well, his everything. Mad Sweeney does better in the company of women than he does men. Sure, he can drink and fight with the lads, take the piss and make them do the same with a dirty joke, but when it comes to the grit of his bones and silence of the night, its women that make him feel more at ease.

Its just the nature of his being really, women believe in the likes of fairies and leprechauns more easily than men. It is their kind that want something a little bit wild and uncontrollable, and free. Its really only a woman who could understand and appreciate a dual nature. Not good nor evil, not nice or mean but ever changing in opinion given the direction of the wind.

Men. Men wanted firm rules. Give and take, all the details finely written down like a bloody equation.

I pray this much, I sacrifice this much and in return by this time I shall have received my list of demands or else some other bloody God gets my belief.

Men wanted Gods of War. Gods that kept their dick hard and Gods to take away their pain.

Leprechauns were by nature then, seen more as little devils. Annoyance that were more likely to steal and trick them than to help.

So its hardly a thought given to him, that when all settles down. When the three of them fall into a routine of travel; making pit stops every five hours it seems to either piss, eat or pray, he keeps closer to the bitch dead wife rather than the Genie Rubber.

“Why are you on my side?” Laura bitches, the second he sits down. The worn red seat of the ancient Waffle house is at best, a fucking bench with a whisper of a pillow above it. His weight makes it whine and crack, like a living beast about die.

“Shut up and order. Oh, that’s right you can’t because you’re dead, so how about you shut it anyways or else you can go back to the cab and rot.” He bitches right back, only to get her tiny fist shoved into his side. Clearly she is holding back, as he does not fly across the room, but it does make him keen like a whelp and curl up to protect the rest of his insides. “Fuckin hell!”

“Tell me to shut up one more god damn time, Ginger minge and I swear I will give you a very unwanted vasectomy with a fucking fork.”

Across the table, Salim with his wide doe eyes and soft heart begs them to stop.

“Please, we are in public.” He says, like he is their mother and they are just two rowdy kids as opposed to what they really are. A 6'5 leprechaun and 5'1 dead woman about to fist fight in a Waffle House at three am.

It continues on like this, him without thought keeping to her, even when she breaks his bones and insults everything about him seven ways from Sunday. Like she’s got a stick up her pert little ass a mile long and just as wide with his fucking name on it.

He can’t say he doesn’t probably have a matching one with her name on it.

He pays no mind to it, but of course she does.

“Is it the gay thing?” She questions apropos of nothing. They had been sitting, watching Salim pray on the side of the road from within a little coffee shop. Its shit, the coffee but they have amazing doughnuts that Sweeney eats several of.

“What is?”

“Why you never seem to want to be near Salim.”

He tilts his head toward her, “I’ve just spent three days stuck in a fucking mini piece of rolling shit with the man, with hardly a breathing inch between us. If I was any fucking closer, I’d be inside the bastard, and it’s my fucking name he’d be thanking five times a day.”

She waits a beat before answering.

“So do you want him to be? Are you jealous because of the God thing or the sex? Or is it a weird combo where you are just a repressed homophobe with God Issues?”

“…What the fuck.” He whispers in ancient tongue. “Did they pickle your fucking brain, dead wife?”

“Just an observation.”

“Oh. Is it now? JUST A FUCKING TERRIBLE ONE.” He roars, the patrons of the shop sleepily look over but ignore him after a second. He shoves a doughnut into his mouth and chews through his anger. “I ain’t jealous, Gods are fucking high horsed pricks. Fuck the lot of ‘em. And I ain’t got nothing against any bloke who can take it up the arse with a smile, not my slice of cake but you don’t live as long as I do and not get curious.”

Laura smirks, as if he has confirmed something for her. Like a child, he has the sudden need to steal it from her and horde it.

“-and before your pickled brain can get too many rotted ideas. No. Salim isn’t the ugliest bugger I’ve laid eyes on, but he isn’t making me twitch down below.”

“Gross.”

“So are you, dead wife.”

She rolls her eyes but continues. “So what is it then? You always seem to hang out with me, and we both know its not my winning personality.”

Sweeney takes a sip of the shit coffee and looks out the window to Salim. “Does it matter? Maybe I just want to keep track of you. You and my coin.”

“That’s not it. For one, we both know if I wanted to lose you I could. Two, you can’t keep track of shit, example A.” She gestures to herself, “-and its weird.”

“Is this your shit way of saying you don’t want to be friends, dead wife? And here I thought we were on our way to braiding each others hair and trading friendship bracelets.”

“Fuck off.”

“Heaven above, you have no idea how much I wish I could.” He sighs deeply, wishing he had such a choice. That she didn’t have his coin, that she didn’t look like-

But she does. She fucking does and maybe that’s the part of it. Laura Moon is the haunting mirror of Essie, the color of their hair different, and skin not as freckled but there she sits. Just as mouthy and unwilling to bend against the course of nature as ever. The only difference being that Laura did it out of pure stubborn will, where Essie had done it out of faith. Faith that had brought him with to the new world, and just looking at Laura reminded him of that fact. Made it feel like there was a hole in his chest, missing something vital.

The worst part was that, given different circumstances he wouldn’t have minded. In another reality, where she had a beating heart and no husband to chase, he would have chased that feeling. Stupid as it was, as mean as she could be. He would have tried to fix the feeling with crass words, rough sex and shades of affection. Try and figure Laura out, what she believed in and try to make her believe in him, as a lover or a man.

He thinks in a different life, he would have been happy to try.

-but they aren’t in that world. No, instead she’s dead as a fucking door nail and he’s just the unlucky tool that did it. Her piece of shit husband the reason why, even if he didn’t know it.

Instead, the hole in his chest just gets infected by guilt. With what feels like several bleeding centuries of it. From the loss of Essie, to the own sad truth of what he has become and even if she is a cunt, Laura hadn’t deserved to become a pawn in some God’s half assed plan. She wasn’t meant to die, scraped across pavement like roadkill with a man’s cock in her mouth.

“Come on, he should be done soon.” She says, drawing him out of his thoughts.

Sweeney nods, finishes his drink and follows her out. Salim is just packing away his rug and hat as they approach the cab. Laura making a beeline for the passenger seat (is if her tiny legs could somehow beat his stride if he put his mind to it.) And he once again attempts to shove his frame into the back seat. As always he fails. Curled up, with his knees bent, his boots still push against her seat.

If he was in mood. He’d kick it.

Kick it like a fussy toddler on a six hour flight.

-but decides he likes how his balls are attached to his body and keeps himself in check.

They lose Salim, the cab and the helpful buffer between within seconds. In hardly a days drive from that, Sweeney finds himself face first in a fucking window with an red, white and blue popsicle up is his arse like it’s fourth of the fucking July.

And his coin.

His fucking coin had, by the grace of gravity knocked right out of Laura’s corpse. His problems solved, he had it back. Not freely given per say but his once more never the less.

But then he looks down at her; once more smeared ungracefully and undignified on the road, this time dry and hollow. Her chest split open, showing him the pale white curve of bones that protects her heart and lungs. She is flayed open, and he should want nothing to do with her.

Still he does not walk away.

He roars, stomps and loses his god damn mind. All in his ancient tongue, all but lost to time, to the heavens above.

He isn’t evil. He isn’t.

(He puts it back, because there is a hole in his heart, a renewed sense of self and it’s the biggest middle finger to fucking Odin he can think of. He doesn’t want a new start, doesn’t want to be absolved of this sin and mistake, he wants Laura to have her revenge, even if it means she’ll probably wring his neck. Even if it means his own death. He’s done being a fucking coward.)

He puts the coin back into her and they continue their journey.

“What do you believe?”

“Everything.”

Death has done a lot of damage to Laura Moon’s insides. She feels empty, like there is a growing hole in her chest -but not physically. No, physically she can feel the cold, the dry pull of limbs as they move with every step. She can feel the odd heavy weight in her guts, of fluid never fully drained and of maggots growing. Making it feel like she has to puke or shit, but not really. She is in her body, she feels it, but it’s obvious to even her that the decay is setting in.

She thinks about Mad Sweeney and his stupid words. Yer meat will slide off your bones

She hates that his words manage to stick, place a bit of fear in her. She hates that even for a second, she believes him.

-but the truth is, she is coming apart at the seams.

Can there even be a resurrection if she’s a pile of moldy meat?

Laura watches Easter break out the big guns, watches in passive disillusionment as the woman draws life out and back into her, like breathing. Watches as she seemingly turns into a bundle of brightly colored flowers as the Earth turns hollow and dead as Laura herself; and all she can do is feel is pissed off. A Goddess of this power, who could have brought her back to life, can’t. All because she wasn’t just dead. No not just murdered.

She was a fucking sacrifice. A lamb slaughtered for an uncaring God.

So she politely clears her throat, to get their attention.

“I’d like to have a word with my husband.”

Shadow smiles up to her, like she’s a gift for all of three seconds,before his expression falls. As if remembering something.

(And it pierces her heart, like a bullet, because she isn’t stupid. It doesn’t matter what those gods of death had said. He’s not grateful for her return, he’s not able to forget or forgive her sins. He isn’t her puppy any more. Confessed by the man himself.)

Wednesday takes one glaring look at her, and then to Mad Sweeney behind her and butts in like he’s reading from a dramatic play, “Might have to take a rain check on that m'dear. As you can see, things are heating up, might not be too good for you…considering your,” He pauses, eyes going over her appearance, as if he can taste the rot on her, “-let’s say delicate condition?”

“I’m dead, not fucking pregnant you asshole.” Laura spits out.

“Laura-” Shadow attempts to call out to her; but he does it in that stupid soft voice of his, the one that she’s so familiar of. The one that is to calm her, to gently tell her to reign it in and not start a fight. He’s used it at her family’s dinners whens he got to mouthy with her mother over something stupid, and it’s the last straw.

She will not stand by and let him protect this asshole god from her wrath.

She starts walking down the steps, hears Sweeney follow, and makes her way to the group. Intent on ripping them all a new hole, physically and mentally. First Wednesday, then Shadow and then maybe the rest of them too. Sweeney as well. Fucking everyone.

-but she gets about a foot away before Wednesday gives her a smirk.

“What is it that you really want, Laura. Your man or your life? What are you really afraid of? Death or being alone? What is it that you believe in, that makes you chase Shadow?”

“Fuck you, I want both, I love him. His love brought me back!”

The old man’s devil of a smile, grows wider and she can see his two colored eyes sparkle with amusement. He is laughing at her. It makes her want to break every bone in his body, slowly.

“Did it?” He questions, looking back at Shadow curiously, “Did you?”

Shadow, looks like he’s a deer caught in the head lights. He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out and Laura’s rage turns into dust. The bright light he seems to effortlessly shine with starts to dims. Flickers like a candle in the wind and all she wants to do now is cup her hands around it, protect it.

Please. Please don’t go out.

“I…I gave her the coin, but I didn’t-” He admits slowly, confesses each word with a stutter before it all comes out. “I didn’t know it would bring you back Laura.”

The light goes out.

He gave her a gift he didn’t mean to give, it’s not his love that keeps her on this plane of existence, it’s a fucking mistake. She’s been following him blindly, just like Salim and his Jinn, just like him and his Gods but here she is. Before him, and the truth is a little less like heaven and more like the hell she probably deserves.

She doesn’t really know what to do with that.

“He killed me Shadow,” She spills the secret with a lot less gravity than she thought it deserved, but now she’s not even sure he’d care. “He might have ordered Ginger minge over there to do it, but it’s him that wanted me out of the way. It’s him that sent you to prison. That ruined my perfect plan. He is the reason our lives went to shit.”

Shadow glares -there’s just enough righteous fury in his eyes to make the light flicker back on, but then Wednesday is once again talking and swaying the breeze.

“Am I?” He questions, and Laura goes to kick him.

“Shut the fuck up, with your stupid questions. Yes, yes you are!”

-he moves out the line of her kick too fast for her to track.

“Ah. So. It was me then who planted that dangerous plan to rob your place of work?” No. That was Laura. Fed up and bored with her life once more. “It was me, that asked you to get Shadow involved?” No. That was Laura again. “It was me, that after a year and a month…a baker’s dozen of months, that caused you to start fucking Robbie? That pushed you to bend over and suck his dick?”

Her own words, phases and classless tone comes back to haunt her. She doubts that Shadow told the bastard any of this, and knows that it’s just him. As a God, reading her sins like they are printed on her face. The truth of her actions, that still would have damned her even if she was still alive. That was all Laura, screwing herself over.

“Tell me. What would have happened if you had lived that night. If you hadn’t of died.” He opens his arms, looking to the crowd now as if they have the answer. Everyone is silent, old gods and new, even Shadow. Laura feels suddenly, like she’s on the chopping block. Like she’s once again, sitting before the God of Death, and being told to weigh her heart against a pure white feather.

She already knows the answer.

“Tell me Laura Moon -Laura McCabe. Who used to try and suffocate herself in a hot tub with bug spray when no one was looking, when her husband didn’t make her feel any more -what was your life going to be?”

It’s in that moment, that Laura realizes she’s too dead to cry. There’s nothing to give, even though there’s a growing crack in her being. Wednesday’s rips her apart, with his accurate accusations. Spilling not her blood, but her secrets. The one she never thought she’d ever have to share.

“Oi, you fucker!” A voice finally rings out, Sweeney’s roar. He dares to venture into the fray. Pointing a finger at the Norse God, “You are on trial here, not her. Whatever her life might have been, good or fucking terrible, that was her right. It was her fucking life to live! You bastards,” He glares out to all them watching and sneers, “Old Gods. New Gods. Fuck the lot of you. Same pricks, different fucking names that’s all. All greedy, all selfish. When was the last time any of you did anything fucking productive? You scramble and you fight, and you demand worship, like any of you deserve it. Well, surprise. You fucking don’t. None of ya, and all this is,” He waves his arms out, striding forward to Wednesday to spit directly into his face, “All this bloody is, is a war to find out whose the bigger cunt to a bunch of dumb mortal motherfuckers who don’t fucking need you.”

Sweeney laughs, “They never have, and that’s why they forget. That’s why, you can suck the life out of his whole damned planet-” He points to Easter, with a grin , “Like a toothless whore, and it won’t matter. They’ll just assume it’s nature. It’s the planet dying. They’ll fuck off to space before building you an alter, love. And maybe they’ll have their gadgets and their little stories on the box, but once again they’ll be focused on survival. Those things will be pushed into dark little boxes of the old times, won’t they?”

“He’s…got a point.” Techno Boy Wonder says in reply, he isn’t exactly eager for this war. He just wants his kicks, his slice of pie and then honestly, to fuck off and mind his own business again. “Why are we fighting them. Like really. If it doesn’t matter if they win or lose, then what does it matter if we fight? This is twenty-first century. No one is going to start plucking out eyeballs for the old geezer unless they’re already crazy.”

Media is slower to reply, but even she softly admits, “And then they’re nothing but mad men. Delusional. Cults do have a nasty habit of burning out before too long…”

-and just like that. The tides and winds are changing.

“There won’t be a war.” Media decides. Grabbing her hat off the ground. “Too much trouble. This was…impressive.” She says to Easter, “but he’s right. Without our meddling, they’ll figure it out. Call it something else. Cover it up and forget it.”

-and just like that, Media and Technology Boy leave.

Easter too, sullenly walks back into her home. Her earlier joy fading with every step.

It’s not a fitting end, but it’s an end never the less.

There’s a fight of course, a violent one, but it’s just between Mad Sweeney and Odin. Laura breaks it up by slicing Odin’s head off with his own blade. Just as he was about to snap Sweeney’s head off.

It’s not really important, because honestly, Laura doesn’t want it to be.

He’s better left forgotten.

“You didn’t mean to bring me back.”

“No.”

“You don’t want to see me.”

“It wasn’t that,” Shadow hesitated, “No. I didn’t want to see you. It hurt too much. At first I just thought…I don’t know what I thought, but looking at you, it hurts.”

Laura bows her head, it’s not surprising. This talk with Shadow. It’s simple and blunt, like a hammer doing it’s job, and nailing in her coffin once more. It’s time to bury what is between them, because it’s pretty clear even if she wasn’t dead, their marriage was.

“I want to bring you back. I don’t want you dead.” He tells her, but it’s not with passion as so much guilt. He wants to right a wrong, not get her back. Not fix things because he wants to be with her.

She is, of course hurt by this fact. Splinted between knowing she’s lost such a good man because of her own stupid fault and the growing sense of fuck it, you never really wanted him, did you? You were bored with him before you died, before he went to prison. You were just holding on to something you didn’t deserve, a Goddess with a single mindless devotee.

“I love you,” She said, dispassionately. “I know you loved me. You spoiled me, gave me everything…and it would have been enough. Should have been.” Admitting it is easier in death, because what does she have to fear? Wednesday was wrong. She doesn’t fear the nothing that comes after death, and even when she was with Shadow she was alone. Laura doesn’t fear anything, just as she doesn’t believe in anything. All she wants is something in her life that doesn’t make her feel like she’s dead. She wants to feel her blood pumping inside her veins, not just because her heart is pushing it but because something is causing it to. “I wasn’t unhappy with you Shadow, I was unhappy with life, and I suppose in a way I guess that does include you even if I never thought of it like that. It’s only in death that I can admit that to you without holding back. And that’s the truth of it. I was always holding back.”

“You could have shared. I would have-”

“You would have told me you loved me. You would have told me it’s okay. Maybe taken the step to get me to a doctor, who would have medicated me to hell and then I would still be this. Dead on the inside.” She points out, “I’m not a nice person with a lot of issues. I’m broken, Shadow and that’s just who I am and you’ve always been too good of a man to say so. That’s why I think…I think I followed you, I believed in you. Or rather I wanted to. I mean, I don’t believe in any Gods or that shit…but I knew you were a good man, and you could do something. Anything to fix me.”

“…You still don’t believe? After everything you’ve seen today?” Shadow asks her, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the kitchen counter. Easter had all but disappeared into her rooms. Leaving the trio to themselves. Sweeney was recovering in the living room while they had gone off to talk.

Laura shrugged, indifferent. “Nah. I mean. Ginger Minge out there said it didn’t he? Doesn’t matter what they are or aren’t, they’re still pricks. And anyone can be a prick, so it stands to reason anyone can be a God. Seems kinda like that’s a shit existence any how.”

Shadow cracks, smiling just a bit. “I suppose it does…but what about you? You’re still dead, Odin might have been the only one to bring you back…”

“Actually, I’ve got a theory about that.”

“Let’s make a deal.”

Sweeney attempts to open his eyes, but really his face is bruised and swollen he only manages to see out of one. And all he gets for his trouble is the smug mug of the bitch dead wife. He frowns.

“Fuck off.”

“I mean it. Let’s make a deal, Lepercunt.”

“I also mean it. Fuck off.”

She pinches the skin between his wrist and his hands, causing him to scream so loud the house windows rattle.

Laura smiles. The bitch.

It goes like this.

“I’ll believe in you if you believe in me.”

“That’s not how it fucking works, dead wife.”

“Oh yeah?” She questions, standing before him. Despite being half his fucking height, she manages to make him feel nervous. “How does it work, because I’m going out on a limb in saying that you’ve got no fucking clue. Hell, I’ll gamble and say, none of you dickwads do.”

Maybe. But he doesn’t tell her that. Just glowers and mutters under his breath in another language how he can’t believe his fucking luck. Lack of luck.

“You told me you were a king once. Don’t you want to be one again?”

Sweeney stays silent, giving her any words is like selling his soul. Maybe he owes it to her, but fuck her, he’s not giving it without a bit of a fight.

“All you need is someone to believe. Really believe, and maybe a new story right? A reinvention. A rebirth.”

He catches on, what she is selling ain’t new, but fuck him…it sounds good.

“A resurrection.” He adds.

There is a new story.

One of a man, of a bird, of a saint and a trickster. Who came to America on broken wings and lost his crown, his coin and belief. (Oh yeah, Americans love a good immigrant story, of someone who lost everything and got it all back, Laura laughs.)

A hundred years, give or take, he spends wandering like a curse. Each road familiar, each day a repeat of the last. He makes deals with the devils, with the angels and even the ghosts but none of them change anything for him. All his pain, all his luck good or bad, doesn’t matter. It’s fleeting and he starts looking for an end.

He finds the end in a girl.

He murders her, leaves her dead on the side of the road because a mean ugly God told him to. Told him this was an important piece to bury, to shove out of the way for the grand end the once king was looking for.

-but the dead girl, she doesn’t stay where he puts her. She leaves the comfort of her grave, she tracks the sun and the moon until she finds him and once she finds him, she puts her hands around his throat and demands life.

The man who was once a bird, whispers to her he has none to give. None to share. All he has is the name of the God who wanted her dead. The girl takes it, though no heart in her beats or blood in her veins and she has nothing but luck of the damned on her side; she finds that God.

Hidden behind the shadows of the moon and sun, he stands and judges her.

In any other story, she and the trickster would be punished. She would have been struck down for her disobedience. For thinking she could get her way, just because. The trickster would have been killed, just like he wanted.

In any other story, neither of them are heroes and therefore their story ends with death as punishment. The bitter lesson of what happens to the boys and girls who don’t follow the rules.

-but that isn’t this story.

In this story, the girl doesn’t have a drop of fear in her and so she spits in that God’s eye. She blinds him, steals his blade and cuts him right out of the sky. The girl, who is just a girl and nothing more, kills a God.

She sheds her death, her mortality and becomes a God Slayer; something feared by those who rightfully should, and unknown by those who don’t.

It’s in her new embrace, that she brings the faithless man’s story to an end.

Because now he believes.

So she gifts him with a new crown, one of bronze and steel. She gives him wings not of a bird, but of hope of a new world. She takes his heart as payment, but fills it with something stronger than just faith.

She fills it with love.

“That’s a bit sappy.” Laura muses. Bright and warm, more so even before all this. Next to her, Sweeney fiddles with some precious trinket -that he promptly shatters between two fingers. He is still getting used to having his strength back.

The God of Death, Anubis as she now knows looks up from his brother’s book. Where their new story is written. Ink fresh to the point it’s still semi-wet.

“Gods and mortals alike, like a good love story.” Is all the man says. He is not pleased per say by the events. He still feels like he’s been cheated, after all. Laura McCabe should have died and vanished into the nothing of the world. It had been his job, and for whatever reasons, that had not come to pass. Not by his own lack of powers, but because the budding of hers.

She’s not a God. She is not holy or known enough to garner attention of mortals…

but she is something new.

Free of the restrictions dealt by most, she is a story now. Told between Gods like a promise. She can not be killed, she can not be reasoned with or bribed. She is an end and a beginning and there is something simple and absolutely terrifying about that truth.

All she needs is Mad Sweeney; not because of love, but because of everything else. He is now the start of her story as much as he is the end. He makes her, unmakes her and cycles between the two. He is her murderer as much as he is her savior. Without him, there is no life, no death and no story.

Doesn’t mean she’s nice to him, though. Why would she?

“Come on, Fire Crotch. I want Burger King.”

“They have shit fries, Wife.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Laura waves him off. A gold band around her finger catches the light. It’s a matching one to his own. A melted down version of the coin, split between them. Forged into rings by some God too afraid to tell them no, and given back to the other in a ceremony of marriage. Not a pledge or a vow to some other God, but to each other.

Laura puts her sunglasses on, and slides her arm between his. She’s strong enough to still throw him across the room, but now he’s strong enough to take it. She likes that. Seems fair.

“Come on, husband, let’s get the fuck out of here before I get bored.”

He laughs, “I can always throw you into the fucking river, wife. Try and drown ‘ya like old times. Would that amuse you? A little of tickle of death?”

“Little tickle of death? Sounds like a good name for your dick.”

His laughter turns into a bark, “We both know what I pack ain’t little, wife.”

They leave the funeral home, bantering like this all the way until Anubis can’t hear them any more. After which he sighs deeply in gratitude.

They exhaust even death.

#madwife #mad wife #mad wife fic #american gods #american gods fic #mad sweeney #laura moon #mad sweeney x laura moon #dead wife #laura x sweeney #madwife fic

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murasaki-murasame · 5 years

Text

Thoughts on Fruits Basket 2019 Episode 6: “Perhaps We Should Invite Ourselves Over”

If I had have been into this series when I was younger, I probably would have had a big gay crush on Kyo and Haru, but now that I’m in my early 20′s, let’s just say that Hatori can GET IT.

Anyway, this was another great episode, and I still really like the decisions they’ve been making with the pacing and the arrangement of events for the reboot. It all feels very natural and smooth, though it probably won’t please everyone.

Thoughts under the cut.

So in this episode we have chapters 7 and 9, or maybe I should say 9 and 7, since that’s the order they got arranged in, lol. It’s actually how I wanted them to handle it, since it works a lot better to have the sleepover happen at the end of the episode, so I’m happy with how it turned out.

It’s kinda interesting how the biggest changes in pacing the reboot has made have revolved around having stuff related to the culture festival happen earlier than they did in the manga. We had chapter 8 adapted back in episode 3, and now we have chapter 9 adapted right before the sleepover part. I think it’s a good choice all around. It helps make the reboot feel a bit less ‘episodic’ than the manga or the 2001 anime, if that makes sense. Like, instead of having the culture festival get brought up and then happen all in one episode, it’s set up a few episodes before it actually starts. It’s kinda hard to explain why I like it, but I do.

Even aside from how shuffling things about like this helped out the culture festival part, I’m happy that they didn’t spend TOO much time on the sleepover part to begin with. The episode in the 2001 anime where they spend an entire episode on it is one of my least favourite parts of the whole thing, since the comedy filler they had to add was super unfitting with the rest of the story’s tone, and it got really repetitive really fast. It worked a lot better here. For one thing, having it only take up half of this episode means that we still got introduced to Momiji and Hatori in this same episode, and it ended with the cliffhanger of Tohru getting invited to the Soma estate. In the 2001 anime, the sleepover episode felt very filler-y because the ONLY thing that happened in it was the sleepover, and they even cut out the hat scene, so there was absolutely no set-up for any future plot points in that episode. This episode feels a lot more substantial.

Also, I think I kinda prefer the sleepover getting done at this point in the story even more than how the manga did it. I always thought it was a bit awkward how abruptly we just get a sudden flashback in the manga to Tohru telling Uo and Hana about her living situation, but I think it was really neat that we got to see Uo and Hana get gradually more and more suspicious as the culture festival went on, until they eventually confronted Tohru about it. It also meant we got to see Tohru go ‘I’m not DATING him, I’m just LIVING with him, lol’, which was amazing. I just think it all flowed together surprisingly naturally, considering how substantially this episode was swapping and rearranging chapters. It kinda says a lot about how episodic the first few volumes of the manga were, that the reboot’s shuffled stuff about so much without it being noticeable.

This isn’t really any sort of a change from how it’s been handled before, but I still think it works really nicely to have the sleepover happen right after what happened in the last episode, since the theme of found families gets expanded upon as we see that Uo and Hana pretty much took Tohru in after her mother died, and they’ve been looking out for her ever since. I wish more anime could take notes from this series and have these kinds of strong female friendships.

I’ve seen a lot of people say that they don’t like Momiji’s voice in there reboot, and I can see that, but I don’t really mind it. I haven’t seen the dub version of this episode yet, though. I’m curious to see how both voice actresses handle things in the long run, since Momiji’s physical growth is a pretty commented-on thing in the manga.

In terms of things I didn’t really like in this episode, one super minor thing was that they didn’t seem to have any sparrow symbolism going on in the Akito scene, unlike the manga. Maybe I just missed it, but if they really didn’t include anything like that, then it feels like a bit of a missed opportunity.

And on the topic of Akito, I’ve also been seeing some people say that they dislike how ‘obvious’ the “““twist”““ is, and honestly all I can say is that maybe people should step back and consider that if it ends up being so unavoidably obvious that Akito’s a girl when she’s voiced by a woman and has a naturally feminine/androgynous design, maybe that just means that it ends up being a pretty transparent secret, lol. tbh, the entire concept of treating Akito’s gender as this huge mystery we all have to keep just feels really contrived. It doesn’t impact the story at all, at least not until waaaaay later. I think it’s very telling of how unimportant it actually is that the reaction of everyone who either gets spoiled about it or just ‘guesses right’ the first time they see her is “oh ok then”. Because that’s really the only response you can have to it. It’s just not that big of a deal, at least now until we find out the exact circumstances of it all way later on. I know that I’m kinda biased and bitter about this whole plot point, but I feel like it’s going to be one of the things that falls the most flat with modern audiences. Most people are just gonna be put off by the idea that Akito being a girl should be seen as shocking and scandalous, and I think that a lot of people are gonna be annoyed when it becomes clear that it’s less about patriarchal family structures, and more about Akito’s mother being so jealous of the fact that her husband was paying attention to a woman that wasn’t her that she forced Akito to live as a man.

ANYWAY, with that rant out of the way, I guess it’s time for me to launch into another rant, since there’s the whole elephant in the room of “that whole scene where the joke is that Yuki’s in a dress”. To be honest, this scene in a vacuum isn’t really a huge deal, but when you’ve read the whole manga it’s kinda obvious that it’s a piece of a larger topic of how this series just has some weird hang-ups about gender expression, and especially about the image of a man wearing a dress. At least in my opinion, I think that Takaya has good intentions with all of this, but she still ultimately plays into and in a lot of ways validates outdated gender norms. I’ll get into it when it actually comes up, but Momiji’s character in general is the best example of how I think that even when she’s clearly trying to be understanding and supportive, it’s the sort of uncomfortably narrow-minded allyship that says “it’s ok if he wears a dress if it looks nice on him. He’ll grow out of it later on anyway, so we should just let it slide for now”.

I also want to point out that even though they try and say in this episode that Yuki ‘has a complex about his looks’, it honestly doesn’t really come across that way. He only seems to get annoyed about it when he’s either forced to wear a dress against his will, or when Kyo calls him a girl as an insult, or when Kakeru calls him a princess as a joke later in the manga. And even then he never really seems to care THAT much. At least not compared to the things that he actually has complexes about. So it just all makes this whole thing seem even more forced, especially since it feels like Yuki’s more masculine in the reboot than he was in any other version of the story.

Although that does remind me that part of why I’m annoyed with how they never actually do anything interesting with the idea of Yuki having a complex about his femininity is that, sorta like with the whole plot point later on of him being ashamed of how he doesn’t have romantic feelings for Tohru, it all feels like it at least would be more interesting if he was gay. At least then there’d be room to explore the idea of him irrationally rejecting his femininity instead of it not going anywhere.

But that’s all getting into stuff that hasn’t even come up yet, lol.

Either way, for the most part I think this was a really good episode that made some nice adaptation decisions, even if it does also make it seem more and more clear that the reboot might ultimately suffer a bit from being TOO faithful to the manga, instead of changing/removing the more outdated parts of it.

Anyway, it looks like the next episode is going to be Hatori’s backstory. I think they’re gonna handle it like the 2001 anime did by having the episode basically just be all of chapter 10, with the more extensive backstory flashback from chapter 12 worked into it to flesh it out. If they do it like that, I think they’ll then spend episode 8 on the new years part, and then in episode 9 we’ll finally see Haru.

And on the topic of Hatori, before I forget, one reason why I like how they changed the timing of him contacting Tohru was because it let them show him looking at Kana’s portrait in his office when he’s talking about the prospect of having to erase Tohru’s memories, which was a really great way to handle that scene, and to set up the next episode.

#murasaki rambles #fruits basket

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trueishcolours · 6 years

Text

My siblings and I accidentally write a Ron/Victor Krum 4th year fix it fic in the group chat

Isabel: guyS

Rewatching goblet of fire

And I have to say

How amazing would it have if

It was a LOT less gendered

And also

If Ron and Krum had got together instead of Krum and Hermione

Thomas: Oh yeah there's so much Gender

Isabel Ron already basically has a crush on Krum

Would have been great

Thomas: idk, he's more jealous of him in my opinion

Isabel: Nah

He has the action figure

He says he's an artist

It's definitely there

Thomas: Tru

Clare: I mean on a superficial level I liked the Hermione/Krum part because it made me relate that a girl who is usually uninterested in 'feminine' things might still have some anxieties and take some interest now and again, and 'this super hot guy will like You, the Nerd' is standard wish fulfilment, but honestly I could take it or leave it. A grumpy feminist could equally well read it as 'EVEN smort girls like Hermione want to be feminine REALLY uwu'

And that would be a boring analysis but the whole feminine versus not argument is boring and not what we're here for

Anyway

The Krum drama kicks off the Romione subplot and honestly I hate Romione as a ship, to me it feels forced from beginning to end

But Ron/Krum would tie in really nicely to the whole character arc for Ron that JKR started in the first book and then forgot about where he evolves into an amazing intelligent badass without noticing it

Picture: He is dooting along, vaguely bummed because he's nothing special compared to his older bros, then in book four he realises wait he DOES stand out from others because he's gay/bi/whatever but he's not sure he WANTS that because standing out for being a minority is a fucking hassle but by the seventh book he is war hero, chess master and gay icon and vaguely confused about it

Hell, you could even have Hermione go to the ball with Krum, get her girly character development in and have Ron freak out and both of them /assume/ it's about her when it's not

It would just

Be better Thomas: Queer theory saves the day once again

Clare: :D

Isabel: JUST BASICALLY RON, ALL THE TIME, WITH A BETTER CHARACTER ARC

Thomas: I love this

Isabel: Honestly decades later I am still just so salty about Ron's lack of development, hell, anti development. I just want everything for him

Clare: Like, not to make it automatically angsty just because it's gay but Ron being Not Straight ties in so well with his typical theme of qualities that he think make him less than Textbook Perfect actually being his great strengths (I read a great analysis that Ron actually achieves all his brothers' goals without trying or noticing)

Ron just utterly stalls as a character in the books

And Harry is a shitty friend to him by the end

She kind of pulled it back with his deathly hallows arc but it was bungled and could have come across as just bashing him

Isabel: HE IS. Ron is so taken for granted.

Clare: God, Ron is SO much less of a dick if his yelling at Hermione in book four is coming out of Sudden Repressed Realisation, not just 'woman I like is doing something I don't like'

Isabel: I watched film 4 last night and just everyone??? Is so horrible to each other??? All the time??? I swear in the books it's so much better handled

Other reasons why bi/gay Ron headcanon is important: - most masculine of the trio/ has a million big brothers so dealing with toxic masculinity/ bucking queer stereotypes in there too - an extra 'fuck you' to the whole pure blood thing which I reckon is really homophobic as it means your bloodline won't get continued or some shit - Krum coaching Ron on Keeping in bad English. Tell me it's not cute. - Ron's a linguist (he learnt parselmouth on like 2 listens)!! Tell me he wouldn't learn Bulgarian?! - just, chaotic bilingual Quidditch talk, all the time, forever?!

Clare: UM your pidgin Quiddich is now my new fave headcanon forever????? You're SO RIGHT Ron is smart, he's just not academic. He would DEFINITELY pick up a language fast if he was using it to talk to his boyfriend/about quiddich

Isabel: EXACTLY

Clare: Plus all the stuff you said about toxic masculinity and purebloodism.

MAKE THE SUBTEXT TEXTUAL, YOU COWARDS

Isabel: #giveRonaBoyfriend2k18

Also not around for the lowkey weirdness of Ron and Harry dating CANONICALLY IDENTICAL AND BORING non white girls to the Yule Ball

I know that you can overdo all this stuff but seriously the fuck

Clare: It is a bit odd and icky

Isabel: Ok so this is what happens

Krum asks Hermione to the Yule Ball and it's like she gets her cute moment with him

But then instead of spending the whole evening being a whiny bish Ron shows un-JKR-characterisation-characteristic maturity and puts a brave face on it and talks to them both

He's upset but doesn't full on ruin their evenings

And then Hermione after the ball, (gradually realising with slight horror that she and Krum actually have literally nothing in common) kind of keeps... asking... Ron to hang out with them

And at first Ron's like lol no way am I third wheeling

But then the temptation to hang out with his literal idol becomes too strong

And he and Krum start hanging out independently of Hermione

(who's probably in the lib helping Harry study for the second task at this point anyway)

The weather is still too cold for Quidditch

Ron thinks

But somehow Ron ends up playing anyway

IN THE SNOW

WITH VICTOR

HE'S GETTING COACHED BY AN ACTUAL WORLD CUP FINAL SNITCH CATCHING PLAYER AND HE IS NOT CHILL

Clare: Hoooooly fuck this is perfect

(except he actually is because it's like -10 and snowing what the fuck Krum) Ron putting his big boy panties on and dealing during the ball, leading to him actually having an in with Krum via Hermione

I love the dynamic of Hermione just...awkwardly asking her friends to hang with them...just to break the silence...

Isabel: YEAH EXACTLY

And then them all actually having a nice evening

Clare: I mean the point of Krum with her was to get that 'YASSSS I'm dating a hot guy!' moment WHILE ALSO showing how easily it fizzles, so nothing needs to change there

Hermione could even do her 'ugh, quiddich and BOYS' routine

Isabel: Awkward because of course it is awkward what is a teenage party without angst but also, fun

yeah exactly! the slow dawning that fuuuuck, I've just brought another stupid quidditch boi into my life oh god why

Clare: Ron still knows more about the history of the game and all the technical terms than Harry so has more to talk to Krum about

Isabel: And then you know Ron and Krum stumble back into the castle with Ron wearing Krum's hat à la Chad and Ryan, and Skeeter doesn't bat an eyelid because it doesn't fit her trashy narrative

Clare: RIGHT I've got to sleep I'm getting a cold but I love this

Isabel: ok go sleep

OK ONE MORE POINT

we almost certainly get the insanely awkward 'think you're in luurve Ron' or 'lol if you love Krum so much you should date him not Hermione'! moment from either Fred or George or maybe Ginny

And there's just a kind of... missing step moment

Clare: I think all of them would do that

I mean they're pretty mean to Ron anyway, especially about love

Isabel: Exactly they're all horrible but MAYBE this would teach them!!

Clare: Exactly! It would rip the rug out from under them and they'd be like wait shit

Isabel: We are actually mean to Ron... a lot

Clare: Especially because in this timeline Ron still gets the hassle from his sibs but unlike in the main timeline where he is just butt monkey forever he has the trump card that he's got a boyfriend who's a world famous quiddich player

Like, if you're Fred, George, Ginny or even Molly you can't really come back from that reveal. Ron wins.

Isabel: Krum actually being a laser focussed guy who gives people he cares about 300% of his attention

And middle child syndrome attention starved Ron just soaks it up like a blooming Icelandic kid under a sunlamp

Ron win evertiem

Clare: Yeahhhhhh. Being a prodigy who's trained from such a young age he's got to nail that work life balance and it's like 90% work 10% life but that life is INTENSE, he's seen too many people lose their relationships because they won't switch off their metaphorical phones during dates, he gets one (1) month a year and about three (3) important people and when it is Person Time it is PERSON TIME

Right bed for eal I'm dying

Isabel: BED FOR EEL

UGH ALL I WANT IN MY LIFE IS THE 50K+ SLOW BURN QUEER 4TH YEAR REWRITE

BUT I LEGIT DON'T HAVE TIME TO WRITE IT AND I DON'T TRUST MYSELF TO GET RON POV RIGHT ANYWAY

Clare: Bebs I wish you could write it

The raw chemistry my goodness

I ship it now

Is there going to be 'you are treating me like an idol not a real person please stop' angst at any point?

Isabel: OF COURSE THERE IS

Clare: Also Krum is like 'I knew I could trust you because you are bffs with Harry Potter and you treat him like he's totally normal you must be so mature and cool he is so so lucky to have a friend like you

Or well, Krum insecurity that people only like him because of his celeb status anyway

Which is probably why he went for Hermione in the first place because she didn't give a shit

'WOULD WE EVEN BE TOGETHER IN THE FIRST PLACE IF IT WASN'T FOR QUODDICH?'

'... I love you.'

'Bro I wouldn't care if you were the worst player in the world as long as we both are fans of the sport together.'

'Bro.'

Isabel: BRUH

Also can I just ask...?

What happens in the second task??!!?

It's already messed up enough under that lake, love triangles all over the place

This would just be the final straw that resulted in everyone just shrugging and teaming up

Clare: Holy shit

Krum just doots along, takes Ron and goes

Harry's like...wait what...OK...um I guess Hermione and Ron are equally important to me so I'll just take her kk

Isabel: Krum and Ron appearing on the surface of the lake like 'fuck'

The most dramatic declaration of intent ever

Turning yourself into a shark and rescuing them from the bottom of a lake

Clare: Everybody in the stands is SHOOK

Dumbledore like dang I did not predict this

With their hair soaking wet they are both at maximum hot

Isabel: Rita Skeeter's quill combusts

Clare: Krum doesn't point her out as a beetle in Hermione’s hair he's too busy with Ron

Isabel: Yeah she's like where is my gossip at??? Nothing is happening over in Hermione's hair

But yeah I feel like Dumbledore would be like, oh darn, looks like I'm gonna have to show queer solidarity with Ronald Weasely or something

KRUM AT THE BURROW VERY SERIOUSLY COMPLIMENTING MOLLY ON HER FOOD AND ASKING FOR BRITISH RECIPES AND WINNING HER OVER IN A TRICE

Clare: Would Krum charm Molly straight away though? He's very surly and shy and, in the books, not very handsome. Wouldn't Molly start out yikes who is this quiddich yob my son has taken up with?

Ginny on the other hand. Comes out as bi a couple of years later, tells Ron she only started to realise thanks to his example, apologises for being a dick about his love life

Isabel: Yeah I guess actually

I think Molly can get fierce

Clare: She's probably got a bit of pure blood/homophobic anxiety that she cloaks as objections about THIS PARTICULAR boy

Isabel: Either she loves you and adopts you right away or she is like /pulling shotgun down from the shelf/

EXACTLY

She's like

Blaming herself, oh I should have paid more attention and NOW look what's happened

Poor Ronald, always neglected

And Ron's like... mum... this is great

I am happy

Is not problem

Clare: Ron is like I AM NOT DOING THIS FOR ATTENTION JESUS CHRIST

I mean he's probably enjoying having the attention of a quiddich super star and I bet he'd even enjoy the celebrity status of The Boyfriend a bit (best friends get sidelined but romantic partners are news) but he's not doing it FOR attention

Isabel: Yeah, and I think the suggestion that he is would just make him so mad

First confused and then mad

Oh the ANGST

Clare: Especially since that's Krums biggest anxiety

Isabel: Mr Weasely would be chill. I feel like in this whole equation he is the chillest

Clare: What would Percy say? Would social climbing or doing the done thing win out?

Also the attention thing is a way for parents to make their child's relationship all about them. Oh you want me to LOVE you more! No mum I'm growing away from you this is normal

I think Ron would get jealous around Bill and Charlie because they'd swing in all oh our brother is rebellious and has a cool boyfriend? Well we are cool rebels also welcome to the family Victor

Isabel: Yeah... I think Percy is probably pretending to be chill with it and being a bit smarmy to Krum then says something awkward and homophobic and it's worse than if he'd just said it straight up

Clare: I think a lot of Liberal but still pure blood families would take the line of, 'it's fine that you're gay...because you're the sixth son so your blood line isn't in danger and making a socially advantageous match is probably more important for you anyway! And Ron is like Y I K E S

Isabel: Yeah exactly, well I suppose you have enough sons Molly amirite

What do we think about the Krum family?

Are they just happy that their son is forming human relationships

Clare: Hmm. How do they feel about celebrity? Do they think Ron is Not Good Enough or are they actually quite a normal family and are glad Krum has an ordinary guy to keep him grounded?

Isabel: I kind of don't want Ron to have to deal with random Bulgarian disapproval

I think maybe a quite normal family who had a kid who was a genius and has been at boarding school/ travelling for years and years

Maybe Krum already came out to them so that drama is in the past

Clare: Yeah and when he brings Ron home for dinner they're just delighted that Krum is home at all and that he's happy

Yeah maybe he did

He's probably had a lot of time to introspect because of his image and maybe he's an only child?

Isabel: And Ron speaks accented but ok Bulgarian by this point and they're like !!!

Clare: I think one aspect of the large family thing that WOULD affect Ron is its just that much harder to have a private word with your parents so confiding about yourself, especially when you're not 100% sure, just isn't part of the family culture

And there's no time for introspection when you're jockeying for position with six siblings

So Krum is out to his parents while Ron isn't even out to himself

Plus Krums just that bit older

Isabel: No, when you ask for a word it's all 'yes Ron' a bit exasperated

Clare: Krum’s family are just delighted that Ron speaks Bulgarian and is a normal guy who likes their son for himself

Isabel: Maybe they have some kind of cool engineery job and Ron goes out the back and is like well my dad likes cars I will try and help

Uses his mathsy chessy knowledge

Clare: Re. Homophobia I think it is important that it's not all YOU'RE GOING TO HELL like the Muggle brand but instead is very focused on producing pure blood children. Also with the smallness of the pure blood community I bet there's a lot of, not official arranged marriage, but kind of assumed marriage, like in Pride and Prejudice or what may have happened with Prince William and Kate, like, there's three girls your age who your family's on speaking terms with who aren't your first cousins and it'll massively throw off everybody's plans if you don't marry one of them

Yes Ron helping with engineering

Isabel: Headcanon of the Krums as magical engineers with a side passion for quidditch

Clare: I bet he picks up arithmancy that way. Can't learn it in the classroom, can learn it in the garage. And he comes home from the holiday able to actually help his dad with the car and thenceforth Mr Weasley is on board

Isabel: Yeah exactly... they're a bit 'sigh ok this means you're not gonna marry bertha from the bakery but hell at least it's not a veela'

Clare: Also wizarding society is inherently conservative, they haven't even updated their writing system, so anybody doing anything different is looked askance at unless they can play themselves as a genius eccentric like Dumbledore

Isabel: So yeah then Ron turns out to be WHOLESOME af and Krum’s family are like... ok fine. this is fine. In fact yay!

Ok I have to go do some work but this has been almost as good as having the fic itself

Clare: Maybe I'll put a summary on my tumblr and see if anybody wants to adopt it

#harry potter #ron weasley #victor krum #hermione granger #fanfiction #monstrous conversations

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