#and feel guilty like its my fault like i deserved everything they did to me like i should never be allowed to move past it

[melto]

my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.

#like i dont like my birthday bc i dont like attention and also bc the fact i am still alive when i never planned to be is so heavy #which makes it feel like all of a sudden i have a timer and i need to kiilllmyself #but mostly. The biggest issue is i think of my exbest friend bc it was our week always even if they treated me horrible #and i would just go along with whatever they wanted even if i hated it and i just think about them think about them think about them #and i dont want them in my life but i will talk myself into missing them #and feel guilty like its my fault like i deserved everything they did to me like i should never be allowed to move past it #and then i get so embarassed over how i let them rule my life and ruin so much for me and made me break away from people i care about #but then its like im so lonely at least they were always there even if they hated me #even if they wanted me to be so miserable even if they just wanted to know they would always have someone to push around #And i still have trouble when it comes to food im still scared of opening up to people im still scared of my friends of buying new clothes #somehow everything they said to and about me was true even though none of it is and it hurt me and ruined so much #but i must have deserved it. they were supposed to know me best. and i never have known myself #so everything they had said about me has been true for so long. #every time i have the thought that i miss them i think i need to crash my car #every year it gets better every week it is easier but its been so bad recently its been so bad i feel like pieces of me are falling apart #i dont want to manifest this year it being bad bc its just starting to get easier after my total depressive state but god #im looking at are they made for me years ago and i want to rip it apart but i cant every time i try i almost throw up. #i think im going to throw up right now. #deeply pathetic. #news with isaac

[hischierswhore]

clean

TW: mentions of a breakup

pairing: Mason Mount x Reader

A/N: I had "Clean" by Taylor Swift on repeat while writing this.

-Y/n's POV -

You felt the letter you'd written for Mason in your pocket as you sat down at a park bench. He broke your heart only a few weeks ago, ending your 10 month-long relationship.

For the longest time, you were in severe denial that this was your reality. But now you were accepting it, and all that was left was to get rid of any lingering feelings for him.

No matter how much you dreamed of him coming back for you and realizing he'd made a mistake, deep down you knew he would never say those three little words you wanted to hear so badly.

You reached out to him a few days ago to speak with him, saying you wanted to give him his stuff back. He agreed to meet you at the park.

Minutes passed as you waited for him to arrive, and just when you thought you were being ghosted, Mason finally showed up.

You stood from the bench, a slight smile appearing on your face as you walked over to where he was. An awkward hug was exchanged, causing your cheeks to burn.

"Thanks for meeting me," you said as you both pulled away from the hug.

"Of course" He said as he followed you to your car, where all his items were.

"So uhm- here's your stuff" You carried some of it while Mason carried the rest of it and brought it to his car. You helped him situate everything in the back seat.

"Oh and this is yours too" You pulled out the envelope and held it in front of you.

He blinked at you a couple times before realizing that you were giving whatever was inside to him. His eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.

"What's this?" He asked, and then began fidgeting nervously.

"A letter. Don't read it until I'm gone. Please" You begged as he nodded.

"Thanks again for this, and it was nice seeing you again" He smiled

"Nice to see you too" You returned a smile, before turning around to get back into your own car. You drove away, glancing in the rearview mirror to see Mason now opening the letter.

- Mason's POV -

Y/n drove away, and a piece of my heart broke a little bit more than it already was. I did as she asked and read the letter she'd given me after she left. I tore open the envelope and pulled out the letter.

"Dear Mason,

If you're reading this, then that means I've finally accepted what happened to us. I'm finally at a point where I can look back on us and realize that we both had fault in this; It wasn't just you, and it wasn't just me. I hope one day we can be friends, just like we used to be before all of this. Don't think that I don't miss you, because I do miss talking to you everyday. I miss just having you in my life but it's time for me to move on. You'll always hold a special place in my heart, Mase.

Sincerely, Y/n"

I stared at the letter for a long time, contemplating the entire thing. If this truly meant that Y/n would finally let go of our past and leave me behind, I didn't want her to feel guilty about doing so. She didn't deserve to carry the weight of her past anymore.

But if she truly was happy and found peace by writing this letter… then I was happy for her.

Then part of my heart broke even more, knowing she was moving on. Knowing I wouldn't have her in my life anymore. My eyes filled with tears, which suddenly caused me to realize how long it had been since I last cried. Maybe it was time to cry again? A deep sadness settled within me as I placed the letter back into its envelope, tucked it into my wallet, and got into my car.

I decided that right now was not the time to try to reach out. Maybe I'd eventually send her a text, or maybe I'd give her a call.

The drive home was quiet. As I navigated through traffic, my mind was occupied with thoughts about her. Did I really make a mistake by letting her go?

When I finally pulled into my driveway, I closed the door, took a breath, and exhaled slowly. The evening was peaceful as I climbed up the stairs to my bedroom.

Sitting on my bed, I looked at my phone and considered texting her. Picking it up and unlocking it before ultimately deciding against it, to let her enjoy life once again, even if it was a life without me in it.

“Gone was any trace of you. I think I am finally clean”

tagging @chelseagirl98 !

#✎ natalie writes #mason mount #mason mount angst #mason mount x reader #mason mount imagine #mason mount x you #mason mount x y/n #mason mount fanfic

[bishy437]

Hey! I know it’s a bit late but I just saw your polls and your recent own opinion and thought I’d add my two cents. Scum Villain is my personal favorite and tgcf is my least favorite. Like many others, tgcf was my first danmei and first mxtx novel and svsss is my most recent.

I liked tgcf but it didn’t really feel like anything was happening, the pacing was very slow and a lot of the arcs felt really disconnected from eachother (which makes sense considering the scale and all the characters but..) a lot of the arcs that heavily featured side characters didn’t really grab my attention as well as, for example, the Yi City arc from mdzs did. I tried to latch onto the characters, I really did but they just didn’t leave much of an impact on me at all, which is strange because pretty much everyone in svsss interested me.

While svsss may not be perfect, it was just so engaging! i read the first 3 books in two weeks and I had so much fun! I felt so much! sy’s stupidity (affectionate) was just sooo infuriating in all the right ways and his relationships with the cast were super fun! There was definitely a clear progression of events and thinking and just a huge looming of stakes (even though a lot of them were just made up in sqq’s head). The character development too! Svsss was just a delight to read. So many of the side characters are just so amazing too: sqh and mbj have become some of my all time favorites and just all the extras were so good!

Anyways I just have so much love for svsss and I guess I just didn’t connect enough with tgcf. Thanks for reading :)

hi! i agree with everything you’ve said!

i read the books in the order of mdzs -> tgcf -> svsss and i didn’t expect to enjoy sv the most at all considering I had initially liked mdzs due to its horror and tragedy aspects. Tgcf had plenty of tragedy + some horror but as you said, the characters were somewhat unstimulating.

although i do feel the need to give a shoutout to QuanYin. That sidepair actually had me invested the most out of all the other side characters in hob. it’s a shame the fandom tends to sleep on them (i’m guilty i need to draw them Soon!!)

i think what i love about sv is that it’s more of a ‘show don’t tell’ book compared to tgcf. Tgcf took ages explaining things that didn’t need to be explained.

Moshang were barely even in the main story and yet the “Fuck! he can’t fly!” scene had me laughing for literally half an hour and fully believing in moshang supremacy!! mxtx did that with only a few lines during the final showdown!!! and yet we had an entire arc for beefleaf that only made me interested in the sibling dynamic between shi qingxuan and shi wudu 😩

i know sv has its faults—all the books do—but i do think it gets a more of a bad rap than it deserves.

thanks for sharing :)

#i guess we’ll always be in the minority but maybe that’s not a bad thing! #after all hob fandom can be pretty intense at times while sv is so chill most of the time #answered #anonymous #long post

[krikeymate]

Fictober 2023: Day 30: “Are you with me?” - Run Rabbit Run Fandom: Scream Rating: T Warnings: Violence.

➖

Sam takes a deep breath, her fingers clutching a white-knuckled grip around the hilt of her knife.

Her father’s knife.

The one he used to Kill. Destroy. Ruin.

She smiles –

To Stalk. Hunt. Haunt.

– And pulls down the mask.

Sam’s not her father.

She’s something better.

With an indisputable elation in her chest, she creeps forward, following her unsuspecting prey through the dark corridors of the university.

It’s so easy, so simple.

See, Billy’s flaw is he went after the innocent. That he was selfish.

Sam doesn’t have that problem.

People turn the other way when it’s the guilty who die, no one ever wants to look too close, to find the truth. It’s the perfect crime, ridding the world of those it’s better off without. Everyone agrees with it, but few have the guts to make it a reality.

But Sam’s always know she was stronger than most.

Her rabbit pauses as a shadowed figure steps into their path.

The corridor holds its breath; one, two, three…

The seconds drag on.

Sam waits with excitement, a dog pulling at its leash, preparing for the moment the clip is released; her toy with anxiety, taking a step back at the unexpected intrusion to their midnight wander.

The guest stays frozen with a calm restraint, the way one might if they know what comes next.

“Wh- who’s there?” their bunny calls out through shaking hands. “What are you doing? What do you want?”

Every unanswered question makes the boy fidget ever more, and Sam’s blood sings in anticipation.

“You haven’t been answering my calls, Bobby.”

Now Billy’s other big problem was his subpar choice of partner.

“That really hurt my feelings.”

Stu was pathetic, a stupid little lapdog, begging for attention from his… brother.

“See… I want to play a game. Would you like to play a game Bobby?”

But maybe that wasn’t Billy’s fault. Maybe Sam just lucked out on the sibling department.

“Wh-what kind of game?”

“How about… Tag?”

The leash snaps, Sam lunges forward, teeth of the blade sinking into flesh. Clothing rips apart like paper beneath the sharpened steel.

He screams like a dying animal. It’s pitiful.

She only gave him a kiss.

A part of her thinks that he deserves to die for that alone. He cries as a match singes his fingers, but Sam, she and Tara? They were thrown into the volcano and had to climb their way out themselves, bloody hand by bloody hand, flesh stripped from their skin. They emerged hardened. No one would hurt them again.

“I thought you liked to play games, Robert,” she coos as he begins to crawl away, sobbing.

“Please!” he begs, “please don’t, please stop.”

“Oh Robert.”

It takes everything she has to stay calm at the feeble display.

“Did you ever stop?”

He freezes, shaking.

“Did those girls beg on their hands and knees, crawling away, crying?”

He turns his head to face her, falling to his side.

He finds no Ghost.

Sam is alive.

Her mask is as human as she is. She’s not her father, she’s a person. That’s what she does it for. For people, for her person.

“How do you- You- You don’t know anything!”

Sam steps forward. The snivelling man crawls back.

“So you don’t want to play tag then?” she teases.

The horrified expression on his face as he bumps into her forgotten partner is worth the delay in justice.

He should be scared. He deserves every agonising moment, every slither of hope he can muster so they can only rip it away again. They want him to suffer, as others have suffered because of him. As they have suffered.

“You’re being rude again Bobby,” Tara chastises.

Sam smiles beneath her mask. She couldn’t ask for a better partner.

She reaches down to grab their prey by his jacket, pulling him up only to slam him down again. The cry he lets out as his injured back slams into the concrete floor is music to her ears.

She slips the knife under his chin and lets him sweat as she considers where to begin to his blubbering symphony.

Glancing up, she finds Tara watching, enraptured, a look of wonder in her eyes.

Sam wants nothing more than to remove the bandanna from her sister’s face, to pull back the hood, to reveal it all and revel in her love.

But they have to work before they can play.

“Are you with me?” Sam asks, breathless. She sits on one knee and offers her knife.

She doesn’t think her heart has ever beat so fast as she waits for Tara’s answer. They haven’t done this before.

It’s always Sam who does the killing, who makes the mess, who takes her pound of flesh. And that’s how Sam likes it.

There’s a part of her that doesn’t want Tara involved. The rational part of her still alive inside of her that begs her not to do this, to keep her hands clean, to keep her sister clean.

It’s cut to ribbons beneath Tara’s hidden smile as she takes the blade.

“I’m with you.”

#/mp #fictober23 #Scream #Sam Carpenter #Tara Carpenter #my writing tag

[callsigndragon]

The Christmas Date | Chapter 13: Christmas will break your heart

Pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Fem!Kerner!Reader

(Ron Kerner is Slider, Iceman’s backseater)

Wordcount: 3.1k

Summary: Y/n “Athena” Kerner and Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw hate each other. Everybody knows. What happens when they have to fake date for a whole week to avoid Iceman and Slider’s matchmaking plans?

(there won’t be smut in this series)

Warnings: fluff, rooster feeling guilty, lots of fluff... before the crash and burn.

A/N: so am... i'm really sorry for making this to all of you dear readers. you're so gonna hate me after this.

Taglist: @ducks118 @milestellerwife @craftymoonchaos @littlebadariell @xoxabs88xox @alexxavicry @tayrae515  @shrimping-for-all  @mak-32 @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @harper1666  @purplevortexx @abaker74 @ssprayberrythings @melllinaa @loveless-simp @k-k0129 @mygyn @castle-bookworms-world @chaoticversion @one-sweet-gubler  @loveforaugust

@taytaylala12 @benhardysdrumstick @green-intervention @waatermelon-sugaar @smells-like-perfect-senses @interstellarloneliness @tay-bluey @diggorycullen @dhwanishah09 @inky-sun @luckyladycreator2 @nograce-nomercy @witchybabel @omfg-its-tay @macysorbit @little-wiseone @mxdi0

(TAG LIST CLOSED)

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You can't fall asleep again once Rooster leaves the house. There's just something preventing you from closing your eyes and resting. You slowly get up, knowing there's no reason to stay on the sofa. Jesse is stirring and turning around, but not waking up. You can see the little smile on his face. He seems to be having a good dream. You kiss his forehead before moving upstairs. You still need to wrap Bradley's gift. 

On your way to your room, you see Nick pacing around Becca’s, the woman sitting on her bed, biting her nails. You approach him, curious about their behavior. "Guys, you seem nervous" 

Nick almost yells when you talk, too immersed in his own thoughts to notice your presence. "Why are you up?" 

"Cause I couldn't sleep anymore." You shrug, his comment making you believe that they want you to be awake. Not yet. 

"Makes sense. We just hoped you wouldn't be awake when Rooster came back." 

"Nick!"

He gasps. "Oh shit."

You look at them, not understanding a thing. "Am I not supposed to see what he's buying?" 

"Did he tell you he went to buy something?" 

"Nicholas!” Becca groans, covering her face in embarrassment. 

"You know what, fuck it. He knows where Solo lives and he went there with you father" 

"What?" 

"You're so dead, Nick" 

The thought of Rooster and Solo in the same room scares you. Not because Solo could hurt him, but because you know Rooster’s strength and how guilty he would feel afterwards if he inflicted pain on another person. 

"Can any of you go buy something for me? I don't want to leave the house"

Becca points at Nick. "He'll go. Payment for spilling the beans" 

Nick sighs, but accepts. "What do you need?" 

"A Polaroid album" 

“Cool. Speaking of Polaroids, there’s a box in the attic. Maybe you want to see it.” He says leaving the room. 

Polaroids, huh? The only one around here that used them was Goose. It might be good to take a look. 

Rooster comes back soon after Nick leaves. He's been crying, you can see it in his puffy, red eyes. Fear installs itself in your stomach, afraid that he has done something horrible to Solo and that he's now regretting it. He hugs your dad, whispering something to him and smiling a bit before walking towards you, who are now seated in the kitchen eating some Christmas cookies. 

"You know where I was, right?" He asks, seeing the answer in your eyes. "Thena, I'm sorry I had to."

"Please, just tell me that he can still walk," you mumble. 

"Yes, he can. He has a broken nose and was trapped in his closet for three minutes" 

"You…treated him like he did with me?" 

"An eye for an eye." 

"...Good. He deserves it" You open your arms for him, seeing a new wave of sadness extinguish the light in his eyes. Not again, he was so happy lately. "Roos, what is it?" 

"Everything is my fault" 

"Nugget, you can't blame yourself for this. Not again."

"No, Thena, you don't understand. He was… obsessed with me, and therefore with you"

"What?"

He explains to you what he saw in his house, how your dad's comment unlocked a long-forgotten conversation. Oh no. You thought he would stop blaming himself for your scar at last, and now this. 

Why can't you two have a normal relationship without trauma and drama? 

"Bradley Bradshaw, look at me. You are not to blame. It's not your fault if you're just really cool and people want to be like you. I mean, Jesse wants to be like you and he doesn't go around traumatizing me" 

"I know, but…"

"You're not taking the blame for this one, you hear me?" 

"Would you ever be able to look at me and not remember what Solo did?" 

The mention of his name makes your whole body shiver, an instant reaction that you’re sure will fade away with time. 

You circle the kitchen table, grabbing his face between your hands. He tilts his head to one side, kissing the palm of your hand. “The only thing I see when I look at you, Bradley Bradshaw, is a lot of lost time that I hope we can make up for.” 

A side-smile adorns his face when he looks at you. “It’s snowing” 

“Really?” You look out the window and see white snowflakes falling. The snow from when you arrived here had completely melted with the warm temperatures of the last couple days. “Woah, look at that.” 

“It’s been snowing all morning. Wanna go out and play?” Rooster says while running his fingers through your hair. 

You nod quickly, running upstairs to put on warmer clothes. 

“What are we gonna do when we come back?” you ask, resting in the snow after covering the backyard in snow angels with Rooster’s help. 

“Gotta be a bit more specific, love.” 

“Work, relationship, friends... I sent a message to Nat this morning, but I think she’s deployed or something. She didn't respond."

Rooster groans, rolling in the snow until he’s laying on top of you, his head pressing against your belly. You can still feel the warmth of his body through all the layers of clothing. “Too many things.” 

“I know, pretty nugget, but tomorrow is Christmas eve, we’re getting on a flight back home on Christmas day... In three days, we’re gonna be working again.” 

That only makes Rooster groan louder. You chuckle, patting his back. 

“I’m not worried about work. Remember when Phoenix was dating a member of the squad?” he says, bringing memories back. 

“Gotta be a bit more specific, love” you mock him, making him put a cold hand in your face. “Rooster is fucking cold!” 

“Serves you right. Anyway, I was referring to White Queen," he clarifies. 

“Oh, she was the sweetest girl. It was a pity that she was transferred to another station a few months into the relationship. I loved those two together.” 

“Yeah, but long-distance relationships were hard for her… Can’t blame her.” He mumbles the final words, tightening his embrace to emphasize the significance of his words. 

“I don’t think I could, either. I mean, I can't imagine a day without you in it. We’ve been together since we got out of Top Gun. Every. Single. Day. It’s hard to imagine the base without you.” 

“Oh, so you liked me before all this?” 

You grab a handful of snow, slowly moving it towards his face. “Yeah, but I don’t think I’ll like you after this.” 

You let the snow fall in his face, moving from below Rooster’s body to run away from him. He’s up on his feet in no time, making a big ball of snow with his bare hands. “Oh, you little-” 

“No, no, no. Don’t throw that at me.” 

“And why should I stop?” he asks, a smirk appearing on his face as he moves dangerously close, the snow crunching beneath his feet. 

“‘Cause you love me?” 

“True, but not enough.” He throws the ball straight to your face, almost throwing you to the floor. 

“Rooster,” you pout, getting the snow out of your face and clothes. 

He closes the distance and helps you, using his scarf to clean your face. “Grouchy, this is as simple as you want it to be. You want to tell our friends?” 

“Yes. I want them to know how much I love my nugget.” 

He lets out a giggle. “Stop, I feel like a teenager.” 

“We kinda are, Roos. We’ve been pushing back our feelings since we were teenagers.” 

He looks at the floor, thinking about your words for a second, slowly nodding while coming out of his thoughts. “Well, yes. You’re right. Does that mean that we can do crazy things?” 

“We said we loved each other already, and we’ve been dating for less than 72 hours.” 

“But we’ve known each other since you were born. It’s not as if I met you three days ago. I’ve been growing up with you by my side, loving you a bit more each day, even though I've been an asshole sometimes with you.” 

You grab his hands, ignoring the cold. “Okay, lover boy. What are you trying to say with this rant?” 

“Maybe we can move in together?” 

That wasn’t what you were expecting. “Roos, don’t you think it’s too soon to be sharing a house? I know we're doing the same thing here, but... we’re surrounded by family, and it's a little different."

“Hey, you got me all wrong. I’m not asking you to buy a house, share one bedroom, and all that. I’m talking about sharing an apartment but each one has their own room” 

“Please, elaborate.”

“So, we move to an apartment with two bedrooms. We spend a lot of time together whenever we’re not deployed, and, you know, we do things together: watch TV, cuddle on the sofa, eat takeout for dinner, play video games, you name it.” 

"I like that," you say, your mind racing with images of all the things you could do together if you shared an apartment. 

“I know. But the best thing is that, whenever one of us wants some time alone, we have separate rooms. If one day everything is too overwhelming for you, you can go to your own bed, or kick me out of yours, and enjoy some precious alone time.” 

“I can do that in my own apartment.” 

“But you won’t be able to have cuddles whenever you want,” he counters. 

“Yes, I can. It’s called a cuddle call.” You explain, seeing that there’s something else he’s not saying. The real reason why he doesn’t want you to have your own apartment. “Roos, just say it.” 

He inhales deeply. “What are you gonna do when someone knocks at your door?” 

You surely haven’t thought about that yet. Just the idea makes you breathe quickly. It wouldn't be the first time a neighbor came knocking in the middle of the night. What will you do? Pain and fear will become bearable in the future. You’ll be able to live a normal life without having to feel the claws of fear closing tightly around your throat, cutting off your breathing. Someday you’ll look back and think of this as a memory. 

It would take time, though. 

For now, you’re accepting Rooster’s offer. You know he’s not implying that you need him. He’s just offering to be there in case you want someone to help you in a bad moment. 

Building a relationship based on need is the biggest mistake you can make. And he knows, too.

“Okay, let’s move in together,” you whisper, having so many feelings at the moment that you’re not sure you can identify them. 

Maybe this is a complete mistake. Maybe it’s too soon to even think about living in the same place. Maybe it’s just the right thing to do. 

But the smile on his face and how he tackles you to the ground in the biggest hug ever known in history makes you believe that maybe it’s not a bad idea after all. 

Christmas Eve goes by with you almost being kicked out of the kitchen. You didn't realize what day it was until Sarah and Becca began to cook all types of Christmassy meals, including some of your favorites. 

This week has been an absolute mess. It started with you and Rooster being forced to share a bed. Now he's asking you to share a house with him. A home. A simple yet effective way of beginning a life together. Even though this life began years ago, after the car accident. You're just been too blind to realize that the love you were looking for was not in front of you, but at your side, at the F-18 that always flies with you. He's always been there. 

Rooster's playing with Jesse next to the fireplace, holding a tiny figurine of Chase, the police pup, in his big hands. You take a picture with your phone, looking at his fond smile and loving eyes. He's going to be an amazing dad, like Goose was. He might not have been there long enough for Rooster to remember him or for you to meet him, but you two know him. 

Iceman, Slider, and Maverick had made sure to tell you the type of man he was. He was loving, not only with his wife and his son but also with his friends. He loved them as a family. Maverick was a brother to him. That's why he’s Rooster's godfather. Goose was also attentive, caring, funny, and brave.

He was the type of person you don't meet often. The type that goes too early, leaving an empty space too big to fill, even harder to ignore. 

You've never met him, but you know him. 

And you know that he's looking at his son right now, knowing that he would be a better father than he was. 

You set the picture as your lock screen, admiring the pure love embodied in one single picture. 

Then the phone rings. A video call from Phoenix. 

"Love of my life, there you are!" You smile when you see her tired face. Tired means the mission was a success, and she's safe. 

"Look at that face. You're literally glowing. Have you fu-"

"There's a kid here, Nat!" You whine, Rooster whispering something in Jesse's ear, the kid is leaving the room in a second. 

"The kid has been secured," Rooster says, sitting next to you on the sofa, his arm resting on your shoulders while he waves at your friend. "Hey, Nat" 

"Goodness gracious, great balls of fire, you two are in love. With capital letters." 

You look at each other, his shy smile making you giggle. "Well… maybe a bit" 

"I talked to you a few days ago, how can this be real?" 

"Well… A lot of shit happened with Solo," you mutter, shivering when his name slips from your lips. Rooster hugs you closer, kissing your temple. 

"Does he know?" Phoenix inquires, her eyes wide as she realizes you're referring to the monster in front of Bradley. 

You nod, looking at Bradley's hand. His fingertips are drawing small circles in your arm, a comforting, grounding touch you are grateful for. "A lot has happened. I'll tell you someday" 

She looks worried. "Is she okay?" She's asking that question directly to Bradley, not you. 

"She'll be okay. Just needs a bit of time." Rooster reassures you both. 

"Is this why you're asking to change stations, Bradshaw?" 

Rooster freezes when Phoenix’s words register in his brain. The fingers that are caressing your arm stop moving. A change of station? 

"You're doing what?" You don't look at him. It's almost unbearable. 

"Let me explain, Thena," he says, kneeling on the floor in front of you, his eyes searching for yours, even though they're lost. 

"So it's true," you whisper, the phone falling from your hands into your lap. Nat silently hangs up, a guilty expression on her face. "You want to change stations. You asked me to live together this morning, and now you're probably moving across the country." 

There are tears in your eyes, so many of them that Rooster is just a blur. You blink, teardrops on your cheeks, as his hand approaches your face. You flinch away. 

"Don't touch me." 

He has been giving you reasons to believe that he is going to be with you… forever, if he can. 

You're the only person I want to fly with. 

The only way you're getting rid of me is when you say you don't love me anymore. 

Was that real? Was any of it real? 

"No, no, no, love, look at me. Please, look at me, it's not what you think." He begs, tears of his own falling silently. 

His hands cup your face. His touch, a warmth so welcome a few seconds ago, now burns; it suffocates you. Have you become Icarus in this timeline? Have you tried to be so close to your personal sun that now it ignites your skin? Melting it. Hurting in the most painful yet delicious way. His calloused hands, the physical depiction of his so-called love and respect for you, now leave aching goosebumps in your skin. It brings comfort and grief at the same time. These are the hands you want to be held in—the same hands that have betrayed you. 

It's too much. 

"I said don't touch me!" 

Rooster backs away from you, his hands open and held in the air as if he were surrendering to the enemy. The rational part of your brain wants you to stop and listen to whatever he has to say. He had never given you a reason not to trust him, right? 

Well, he tried to pull your papers.  

He knew that you loved him. He heard your confession. 

He didn't say anything about it; he made you believe that he didn't hear you, that he didn't love you. 

He had been acting like a dick ever since. 

He came up with the fake dating idea knowing that you loved him. 

He asked you to share a home with him.

And now, as if nothing that has happened between the two of you matters, he's asking to leave. 

Asking to leave you. 

Who's the enemy here? You, for running upstairs and locking yourself in the bedroom? Or him, for lying and betraying the little trust you had left in him? 

He's at the other side of the door, your name falling from his lips as a litany. You know he’s trying his best not to knock on the door. You thank him for that, but it only makes you pack your things faster. 

"Thena, please. Talk to me." 

You tune him out. If you don't hear him, he's not there. He can't hurt you. Not anymore. 

You've been broken too many times this week. But this? This is the final blow. You are packing your things, as if every cloth were a piece of your broken heart, collecting them in hopes that, with patience and lots of work, every single piece will fall into place. 

The Uber should be here at any time. You take a few breaths before opening the door. You look at the floor, however. You can't look at his face. 

"You're gonna move and let me go. You're not gonna look for me or ask about me. And if someone asks where I am or why I am gone," you raise your eyes, making eye contact in an ephemeral moment of bravery, "Tell them how you've been lying to them for a whole week and how you ended up lying to me, too." 

You leave him standing in that hallway before running downstairs, leaving the house with tears in your eyes and a little boy crying out for you to come back home.

#top gun maverick fanfic #top gun #top gun maverick #top gun fanfiction #top gun x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x female reader #rooster bradshaw fic #bradley bradshaw x reader #rooster fanfic #rooster top gun #rooster x reader #top gun rooster #bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley bradshaw x y/n #bradley bradshaw fanfiction #bradley rooster x reader #rooster bradshaw x reader #rooster fluff #rooster x y/n #rooster imagine #rooster x reader fluff #rooster fanfiction #top gun: maverick #top gun rooster x reader #top gun fluff #top gun fic

[sammyxme]

Imagine comforting Sam when he’s depressed (part one).

Pairing: Sam x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Depressed!Sam, Suicidal Thoughts, me projecting onto Sam, soulless Sam. TW don’t read if you’re struggling and can’t handle angst atm. My dms are always open to chat.

It had been a while since Sam had gotten his soul back. As his girlfriend, you were really concerned about Sam's mental state. He did so many terrible things while soulless. But it wasn't him. It didn't seem to matter to Sam. You noticed he hadn't been eating much over the past few days, and not to mention he's always plagued with nightmares. Sam was sitting on the motel bed, head in his hands.

"Sammy? You really should eat something, baby."

His head jerked up, realizing your presence. The way you stood in front of him, eyes filled with concern. You took notice of his red rimmed eyes, as well as the lack of sleep.

"Sorry, I just need some air."

He tried to stand from the bed, but fell back down. It must be affecting his body at an unhealthy level, if he couldn't even sit up without falling.

"Sammy, I know how it feels when you think everything is your fault. I know the world is pretty dark for you right now."

You sat next to him on the bed. Your hand finding its way through his hair.

"But you need to eat and drink and get some exercise. This isn’t healthy.”

Sam didn't know what else to do. He hated it when you got like this. Usually, he would have no problem telling you that he was fine, then leaving the room and going back to hunting. But he can't bring himself to do it today. He felt like giving in.

"Sam?"

Your soft voice snapped him out of it. He looked up to see you frowning. His face softened, seeing you worried. Your arm snaked around his waist, pulling him closer to you. You rested his head against your shoulder and began rubbing slow circles on his lower back.

"Hey. It's okay, Sam."

He looked at you, seeing tears pooling in your eyes. He quickly wiped them away before they could fall.

"I love you so much, Sam. Everything will be okay. None of this is your fault, okay?"

He felt guilty, knowing that he hurt you. He never wanted to be the cause of pain to anyone. He remembered the day he first came back, soulless. He had hurt you badly after getting in an argument. Sam had hurt himself over it multiple times, one cut, one bruise for every time he hit you. But it still wasn't enough, though the scars remained. You didn't know about his self destructive behavior yet. And he intended to keep it that way. What you don't know won't hurt you.

"Sammy?"

His gaze snapped back into focus.

"Hey, look at me."

He reluctantly met your eyes. You gently caressed his cheek, making sure he was looking you in the eye. You brought your other hand up to cup his chin.

"Don't ever blame yourself again. Okay? And tell me when you're struggling.”

You smiled at him, kissing his forehead. He leaned forward and gave you a hug, pressing your bodies close together. It was all he needed, to feel you close to him. Even if it made him feel slightly pathetic. You held onto him tightly, running your fingers through his hair.

"I don't deserve you, (Y/N)."

The words slipped from his mouth before he realized what was happening. You instantly pulled away, confusion evident in your expression.

"What are you talking about? Why do you think that?”

"I'm sorry. It's nothing...really."

You placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You can tell me, Sam."

You stared expectantly at him, waiting for an answer. It took a minute, but finally he decided to confess.

"It's just...I know it's selfish of me to say this, but I don't know if I should want to live anymore. I've done such horrible things to you, to Bobby, to Dean. I'm poison, (Y/N). I should’ve been left in the pit.”

"And how do you figure that? Because you're a monster? A soulless demon? That's bullshit, Sam. You aren't any of those things. Sure, you have your bad moments, especially lately. And sure, you make mistakes, like I know I do. But you're you again, Sam. And I love you."

Suddenly, Sam got up and excused himself. He didn't deserve this. He couldn't get too close to you.

"Yeah, um. I'm going out. Gonna go hunt for that Shapeshifter."

He grabbed his jacket and left, slamming the motel door behind him. He didn't want to let you see him breaking down like this. So he tried to hide behind a cold exterior and denial, to cover up his sadness. He hoped that it'll help him. And he'd take whatever he had.

(A/N: damn hit me right in the feels TT anyways hope you cried- I mean liked it.)

#Sam winchester #Sam imagine #Sam x reader #supernatural #Sam winchester x reader #angst #supernatural imagine #supernatural x reader #depressed!sam #soulless sam #SPN #SPN imagine #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #sam winchester x you

[literali1110]

Chenford 5x02

That Chenford scene was perfection for me. It was angsty, it was beautiful, it was bittersweet. It was the end of an era, but it opened the door for something bigger and better. Here’s my little between the lines breakdown, because so much was “said” without being said!

To begin with, Chris called Tim (thank goodness for magical recoveries in the Rookie timeline!), a parallel to when Ashley called Lucy. They know who knows them the best!

“It’s not the right time.”

“You owe it to yourself to go.”

“I know--”

“What happened to him isn’t your fault.”

(The same words from Chris hold no weight. She needs to hear this from Tim, a direct parallel to her “what happened wasn’t your fault” after her own kidnapping.)

“We were about to--”

Lucy feels guilty about what happened to Chris, because she didn’t testify at Rosalind’s trial. It’s the reason she tells Chris, and Nyla, she wants someone to absolve her of her guilt, tell her she should go because she really wants to go. But they can’t give her the answer she wants to hear, because they don’t know the whole story of why she feels guilty. Only Tim does.

“But we didn’t. We didn’t.”

“There is still hope for us, we didn’t ruin anything, we can still do this the right way, when we're not in relationships, when I'm not your direct boss.”

Tim feels guilty about what they almost did, too, but he needs Lucy to feel absolved of that guilt, because she deserves this opportunity. And they deserve the chance to do this the right way.

“Are you trying to get rid of me as your go-fer?”

This feels like a breakup to her, this feels like a rejection, but this is just as painful for Tim. He wants her to stay, he wants her to keep riding together, but they can’t continue like this. It’s not fair for her professionally. He's doing this for her, because he cares about [loves] her And he’s doing this for THEM, for what they can become.

“No. I’m trying to look out for you. It’s time for you to move on.”

This all goes back to the initial conversation in 4x03 where he said he didn't want people getting the wrong idea about them together. Although she may not have got his meaning right away in this scene, he IS clearly saying that if they don't ride together professionally, it means they can be together romantically eventually.

“And some time away would be good.”

She’s still not completely understanding, but that’s okay. She’s going to have a month or more to come to terms with everything. Everything was very physical up until now, she was basking in the aftermath of their first kiss, and then she had a visceral need for comfort and grounding in their second kiss, then what they almost did was going to be mainly physical, and she wasn’t ready yet to admit feelings, not to herself, not to Tim. But she will catch up.

“It’s a great opportunity, Lucy.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“You should go for it.”

As painful as this is, he has to walk away, he has to let her go, because it’s the only way she will come back to him, as his, as each other’s. And they are both teary eyed (seriously it was their eyes that did me in!), and she seems to get a look in her eye showing that she is beginning to understand...

----------------------------------------------------

We knew this day was coming, we knew they would have to stop riding together, we thought that moment was coming many times and it’s finally here and it’s bittersweet. In a way, we the Chenford fandom are Lucy in that scene, and the ‘Chenford partnership era’ is Tim. And Chenford!partnership is telling us it’s time to move on and that hurts us and they are hurting as well to part with us but they know that it’s a great opportunity and its the way forward to romatic era! Chenford. (Did that make any sense? haha) 

#chenford #the rookie #5x02

[ramonag-if]

english is not my first language the way i see it (at the very least the way i made my MC) its not that we think that Irus is gonna run away with Rana (which would be terrifying, because like that other anon pointed out, Rana is just a baby 😭 (if something like that were to happen my MC would suddenly be super protective of their sister)), but more along the lines of disliking Rana (nothing against your writing, everything against Salyra) because of the context depending on the MC, her very existence can be both triggering and offensive ,Rana (through no fault of her own) for my MC, is kind of a walking flashy billboard that says "I DONT LOVE YOU, YOU ARE WORTHELESS, YOU ARE FORGETABLE, YOU DESERVE NO CONSIDERATION, YOU DO NOT DESERVE RESPECT, YOU ARE TO BE USED AND DISCARDED, DID I MENTION THAT I DONT LOVE YOU?- Salyra🥰" if it was some random kid who was crushing on Irus my MC would find it adorable, if the situacion with Salyra was different my MC would find it absolutely precious that their younger sister has a crush on Irus…and would feel kind of guilty because what if them being with Irus breaks their baby sister's heart 😭 it is actually very funny (in a tragic way) because if someone had told my MC that in Ishari they would hate a child with passion just because they exist, they would not have belived it, there is no reason for it! there is no logic! but…this is not about logic, this is about emotions, its about the absolute heartbreak of a little child who was left by their mama (for their own safety) many years ago who since they finally got to reunite with their mama who they loved and adored more than anyone, has not stoped howling in despair and misery at what reality looks like personally at the very least with my MC, the sibling relationship is pure tragedy and its not fair to either sibling, my MC does not want to hurt Rana, they just wish she didnt exist, my MC does hope though for Salyra to take good care of her second child so that Rana whom my MC is bitterly jealous of, doesnt have to suffer the way they did. ….oh no, SORRY FOR ALL THE RAMBLING 🤣

Your English is perfectly fine, so don't worry about it 😊

Rana is a fun reminder of the childhood the MC could have had and I must admit, writing options for an envious MC of Rana does hit all the right, angsty notes for me 😅

I'm glad you can feel so much regarding Rana! The whole point was to drive in the differences that the MC goes through that Rana doesn't. Call me cruel, but I tend to enjoy exaggerating certain aspects of broken/complex family dynamics and it made sense to add in a new child AKA Rana to the mix 😂

Rana will have a better childhood and experience with Salyra than the MC did and you'll need to decide how to feel about that because it's an unfortunate reality for the MC.

#crown of exile #answered asks #salyra #rana

[xzho-writes]

🌊 — SPOILERS FOR THE CHASM ARCHON QUEST !!!

okay but imagine zhongli with an s / o from khaenri'ah. someone place in a similar situation as dainslief, cursed and forced to wander teyvat after the destruction of their home. they finally decide to settle in liyue after discovering the chasm's effects on calming their curse and meets zhongli in the process.

the thing is, they have no clue he's rex lapis, simply assuming he's just some weirdo who was probably a rich kid growing up. they befriend him, grow closer, start developing feelings for him. meanwhile, zhongli is on the same boat; but he knows a khaenri'an when he sees one. he knows those eyes typical of their people better than most.

the reader and their suffering being a living reminder of what he did in the past and loving them is just painful because he feels so guilty about it. he knows you are willing, eager to pursue a romantic relationship with him and honestly, he is too. but he'd can't keep lying to you. that isn't fair, isn't right and he knows he doesn't deserve your love or affection after what he's done ( you're still suffering from the curse's effects, even now and he can see it ).

so he tells you he's rex lapis.

yes i'm evil. yes go on right ahead.

of ill-fated meetings and broken hearts

pairings: zhongli x gn!reader

genre: angst

warnings: mentions of death

a/n: CAN I JUST TELL YOU HOW MY JAW: DROPPED??? oh 🌊 nonnie, that’s so cruel of you 😭 but i love this idea! i might expand and make this a full fic (a long one at that). i’ll just write a lil snippet- the angsty moment where he reveals the truth now as a lil something to get our minds wandering :’) pls do tell me if you’d like this as a full fic!

you can find my masterlist here

(pain, suffering and spoilers utc!)

“i…” the man before you hesitates, clenching his fists tightly by his side. he breathes in slowly in an attempt to steel himself for the worst. “i am morax.”

the world seemingly twists and turns around you in a haze of disfigured shapes as you slowly bring your hand up to clutch the area around your heart, trying to quell the sudden burst of pain.

it doesn’t work. you feel as if you’ve just been shattered.

though zhongli doesn’t notice it, his breathing stills and his pulse rises with each moment of silence that passes in between the two of you.

there’s no way. it simply couldn’t be possible, right? he had to be lying.

you don’t realise the tremors wracking your body, and with each pitiful shake of your head came low moans, low sobs, of no, no, no.

a broken lament.

something familiar calls out to you but you pay it no mind. you’re far too caught up in the visions that haunt you in your dreams; images of absolute massacre, of bodies strewn across your beloved village. of the all-consuming flames that ravaged the place you once called home in its entirety.

these were the same visions that caused you such visceral pain. the whole point of choosing to live within the vicinity of the chasm was to ease such feelings of agony.

who knew that the root of all your suffering was the very man that stood just in front of you? the very man who had his hands on your swaying form- trying to prevent you from doubling over?

the person who you, dare you say it, love?

and who knew that these same hands that were soaked in the blood of an entire nation- your nation- could be so gentle, careful, as they held you?

for a moment you believe it best to turn that love, that affection, into past-tense.

but no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t.

your eyes, brilliant gems that both literally and figuratively held the stars in them, glisten with the onslaught of fresh tears.

ones of grief, betrayal, and everything else in between.

and it was his fault.

his fault.

zhongli could only watch in utter remorse as you all but fell apart before him, slipping through his desperate embrace no matter how hard he tried to keep you together.

taglist

- ✦ @irethepotato , @gloomybow1 , @pinkuberii , @fiannee

published on 12/05/22

#zhongli x reader #zhongli angst #genshin x reader #xzho’s-asks #🌊-speaks #xzho’s-beloved-🌊 #wHYYY MUST YOU HURT ME SO #WJJDNENSND #my heart rn… #i can’t be sobbing before i go to bed #what is this 😭 #of ill-fated meetings and broken hearts

[chaotic-super]

For Her Sake - Chapter 3

Read For Her Sake on Ao3 here!

Kara is so out of sorts from the events that have transpired that she’s barely even paying attention to where she’s going, tripping up the stairs twice on her way to the apartment.

She’s never felt more like a failure and she’s not sure whether it’s because the plan didn’t work, or because she was just exposed as a mother who can barely provide for her child to one of the richest people on the planet, someone so successful that she could just sit at home in her mansion doing nothing for the next thousand years without getting through even half of the money she has.

Either way, she should be grateful that her pride is the only thing to take a major hit tonight. Lena Luthor was right in regard to how stupid she’s been, how idiotic her plan was and how she could have very easily just deprived her own daughter, her pride and joy, of her presence in her life, of her mother.

That’s the one thing Kara can never let happen. They can lose everything but as long as they have each other, they will always be ok. Kara used to dream of her own parents after they passed and she always thought of that, of what she would be willing to trade to have them back and how she could be stripped of everything and she would be happy as long as she had them.

She didn’t get to make that deal before, after all, the dead are gone, but she can make that choice now. The choice to live with what they have and to be grateful to have each other.

She fidgets, reaching into her pocket for her keys and goes to grab them. In order to do so she passes the note from her right hand to her left and she actually looks at what had been pressed into her hand.

Kara almost drops it in fright, her heart suddenly pounding almost as hard as it did when she had a gun trained on her not long ago.

After she just tried to kidnap Lena and hold her for ransom, the woman just gave her four one hundred dollar bills, two fifties and two twenties. Lena Luthor just gave her everything out of her wallet, she just gave her enough money to pay for groceries and to get Lori a proper present for her birthday next month. Her little chipmunk will be five and she deserves to get something special.

She stuffs all but the twenties into her pocket and slides her key into the lock, tiptoeing inside so she doesn’t wake Alex and Lori.

The door gets deadbolted, this is a rough area and it’s their only real form of protection from anyone with any kind of malicious intent.

“Kara?” Alex’s hushed voice calls out, sleep still present in the way her words croak in her throat.

Through the darkness of the apartment, Kara can just about make out Alex’s form on the couch, lying across it lengthways and spread out as much as she can on the cushions.

“Yeah, it’s me. Go back to sleep, Alex.” Kara whispers, kicking off her shoes and pushing them aside with her ankle.

“Any issues helping out with the move?” Alex pushes herself up into more of a seated position, making a little bit of space for Kara to perch by her feet.

Kara takes the space, grateful to be sitting down, her knees feel weak with the adrenaline of everything happening finally starting to ease its way out of her body. “Nope, everything went ok. I’m just tired now. I got forty bucks for helping out.”

“I’m sorry, Kara.” By the tone of Alex’s voice, Kara already knows the look that must be written across her face, the one she does when she’s feeling guilty and beating herself up for something that isn’t her fault in the slightest.

Kara reaches over Alex’s legs, searching for her hand. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“You’ve been working overtime every day and picking up these weird jobs and being exhausted all the time. I can barely stay on my feet for more than ten or fifteen minutes and I feel so useless, I just want to help and be able to get a job again, to be able to get our lives back on track again.”

“I know. I wish we could be back where we were before too. Did you call up about the hospital bill? About seeing if you can get your insurance to cover some more of it?”

Alex’s hand holds Kara’s tight. “I tried, they said there’s nothing they can do.”

Rubbing a hand over her brow, Kara tries to think of something else to help them out, something legal this time. “Ok. I’m going to go call again tomorrow and try and put some pressure on them to see if they crack then. Let’s exhaust all of our options twice and see if we can find some wiggle room somewhere, something to work with.”

“Ok, but first, go and eat something and get some rest.”

Kara clicks her phone on, taking a look at the time and cringing, she isn’t going to get much sleep now, only a few hours until she’ll have to get up to get Lori ready for school. “Ew, tomorrow is going to suck.”

“Change your alarm, I’ll get Lori ready and take her to school tomorrow, then you can get some extra sleep.”

“Alex, it’s a twenty-minute walk both ways.”

Alex is quiet for a beat. “I’ll make it work. I’ll take my crutches just in case but I will make it work. Please, I have to do something other than watch my baby sister work herself to the bone just to come home and sleep for a couple of hours and then get right back to it.”

“You’ll call and wake me up if you’re struggling so I can come and help you?”

“I will, I promise.” Alex smiles to herself in relief, so glad that Kara is too tired to put up much of a fight so she can finally get out of this place and not feel so useless. She has a couple of resumes printed out too so if she’s feeling up to it, she can drop them in at a few of the businesses on the way back from the school, something Kara hasn’t been letting her do because she’s worried she’ll overexert herself and make her injuries worse. “Now, go and eat and get cleaned up so you can go to bed, there’s a little girl waiting to be snuggled by her mom.”

Kara snorts out a little laugh. “I don’t have to look to know that that little girl is starfishing across that bed and that I’m going to have to shove her back over onto her side to get in.”

“That little angel wouldn’t do that.” Alex smiles, looking through the dark over to the bed where a little lump is sleeping soundly beneath the duvet.

Kara snickers. “Then why didn’t you get in with her? I told you that I’d take the couch tonight.”

“She looked too peaceful to move, I’d rather you be the bad cop in that scenario,” Alex admits, fully aware of the soft spot in her heart for her niece.

“I knew it.” Kara stands, heading for the kitchen and turning on the tiny lap they have in there, the one that is the dimmest so they don’t accidentally wake Lori up with it when they are up late.

She opens up the cupboard, picks up a pack of ramen and makes a mental note to use some of the cash Lena gave her on groceries tomorrow on the way home.

Looking over at her sister, she can see that she’s falling asleep again so she gets her food ready as quietly as she can and shovels it into her face as soon as it’s done, searing off some of her taste buds in the process from how hot it is.

After a quick pitstop to the bathroom, Kara finds herself nudging Lori across the bed and wrapping her arms around the little one, eyes falling closed as soon as her head hits the pillow.

=

The buzzing of Kara’s phone wakes her up, a sound she absolutely despises.

Forcing herself to roll over and get it is only the first difficult task of the day but is definitely the hardest one she’s facing.

With her alarm off, she looks around the apartment and sighs into the quiet. With Alex and Lori gone it feels empty and wrong.

It does help her get ready quickly though, especially since she doesn’t have a child to appease or to try and follow her into the bathroom while she’s trying to do her morning business or shower.

She’s out of the door in no time, the cash she got from Lena sitting safely in her wallet ready for her trip to the store later and set for making her way to work, luckily it’s just a quick bus ride away.

Kara gets off the bus one stop early to drop into Noonan’s and get herself and her boss, Cat Grant, coffee, something she’s been in desperate need of since she woke up but to save on money, she waits for the one she can get on the company’s dime, rather than having one at home first.

She beats her boss into work with plenty of time to spare and uses the few extra minutes to get her desk looking presentable and to get Ms Grant’s schedule straightened out and ready for her arrival, masking everything that’s going on at home. If she lets on to her struggles then Ms Grant might not think she’ll be capable of taking on the increased workload that comes with being a reporter, her dream job, and it might just cost her the promotion she’s been working towards for years.

The best part about her job is that she has gaps in her work where she can fill the time sorting out her own affairs between sorting out Cat’s and so when her boss is off to attend a board meeting and requests that she stay back and to not interrupt her unless her business is crumbling, she uses the time to find an empty corner in the building and call up the hospital billing desk to try for the thousandth time to get them to agree to a lower upfront payment and to spread out the payment plan more so she can pay less each month, giving them more space to breathe.

“Hi, this is Kara Danvers calling in regard to the bill for Alexandra Danvers’ treatment, I would like to see if I can change the monthly rate.”

“Hello, Ms Danvers.” A surprisingly friendly voice greets her. She’s not spoken to anyone with such a friendly attitude in the billing department before. “I’m afraid I can’t lower the monthly rate because it looks like the debt has been paid in full, there are no monthly payments to be made.”

Kara’s jaw drops. What in the world is going on? “I’m sorry, I think I misheard, for a second there I thought you said that the bill has been paid.”

“It has, Ms Danvers. There are no bills due on your account. All debt has been paid off in full and the next six months’ physical therapy sessions have been prepaid.”

There’s a lump in Kara’s throat and “What? Can I ask who paid it?”

“I’m sorry, Ms Danvers, that’s confidential, all I can tell you is that it was confirmed as of eight AM today.”

A smile of pure relief and months’ worth of agony being released makes its way onto Kara’s face, tears welling up in her eyes. “Thank you, thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome, Ms Danvers, have a lovely day.”

“You too,” Kara replies, hanging up the phone and holding it to her chest, trying to collect herself. Alex is going to be ecstatic about this, it means that without that bill hanging over them, they will be able to catch up on bills, pay off their debts and save up for a deposit to move somewhere better. They could be out of the shitty apartment within a few months.”

There isn’t much of a mystery about who paid off the bill. There is only one person with that much money that she’s interacted with in the past twenty-four hours that knows what’s going on and that woman is Lena Luthor. She owes that woman her life at this point.

This isn’t news she can share with Alex over the phone, she needs to speak to her in person to tell her the good news and figure out how to explain why her bill has been paid without telling her why it has been paid, without telling her what she tried to do, she could never look Alex in the eye again if she knew what she tried to pull.

“Hey, Kara, you alright?”

Kara jumps and turns around quickly only to see her best friend, Winn Schott, standing behind her, a dorky smile on his face. “Never better, Alex’s hospital debt has been cleared.”

“What? Kara, that’s great news!” Winn scoops her up into a hug. “I knew you could talk those insurance people around into covering it, this means you’ll be able to move back to the good side of town, right?”

Kara grins. “Hopefully soon, I have a few other debts to pay off first but once that’s covered and I have enough money for a security deposit, we’ll be able to move somewhere better, probably not as nice as we were living before but nicer than this. Things are looking up.”

“I’m so happy for you guys, I have hated not being able to help.”

Kara smacks his arm lightly. “Winn, you changed your entire schedule to start your day early and leave early so you can go and get Lori from school and drop her off at home. You’ve done more for us than I can thank you for.”

“It’s nothing, I like spending time with my niece anyway and I like being the favourite over Alex because I get her ice cream sometimes.”

“You do what? I never knew that!” Kara exclaims.

Winn just laughs at her. “Well yeah, because you’d tell me not to.”

Kara isn’t mad at all, in fact, she’s immensely grateful that Lori is still being able to experience at least a few of the things they can’t afford to do anymore and the time she spends with Winn is one of the things that has been constant throughout everything and from what Winn has told her before, Lori really opens up to him and tells him a lot about how much she misses her dad, something she doesn’t like to speak about to anyone else.

“I don’t mind. I’m glad she has you.”

“And I’m glad to have all of you Danvers women in my life. Lori is my favourite by a mile though.”

Kara rolls her eyes at him. “I’m under no illusions that she is, she’s my favourite too.”

Winn smiles at her and starts walking back across the bullpen to his desk. “She’s a good kid, now you better get back to work before Ms Grant comes back and murders you for leaving your desk.”

“Good idea.” Kara agrees, taking a seat at her own desk and filtering through emails, getting back to work so to try and make time go quicker so she can get home and share the good news. Winn has given her the perfect excuse for why the debt is paid. She can just say that she got the insurance to cover it, tonight is going to be the best night they’ve had in weeks.

In the meantime though, between actual work and clock-watching, she does one more thing. Kara orders a bunch of flowers to be delivered to the L-Corp building, specifically to the office of the one and only, Lena Luthor. She adds a note to the order too, it’s the absolute minimum she can do but it’s better than nothing.

She wants to make it a super fancy bouquet but she’s still got to be sensible, times are still tight and she still has to pay not only this month’s rent but also that of last month that she didn’t manage to pay. She gets a simple bouquet instead and hopes it will do the trick.

There’s one main message she needs to get to Lena and the note is going to say it for her.

Ms Luthor,

I owe you and I can’t thank you enough. If there’s anything I can do to repay you, name it.

Kindest of regards,

Kara Danvers.

She wants to write more, to write a whole essay detailing how much this means to her and profusely apologise for what she tried to take part in but there doesn’t seem to be enough words to truly encapsulate the magnitude of the emotions coursing through her.

With the order submitted and the confirmation email in her inbox, she knows she can sleep happy tonight with a big portion of her stress taken off of her shoulders and a little thank you gift to Lena planned for tomorrow, she focuses on her work, being more focused and presenting the best work she’s done in a long time to the point where even Cat comments on it when she gets back from her meeting.

Kara gets into her work so deeply that Winn makes her jump for the second time in one day when he comes up to tell her that he’s leaving for the day. “I’m going to go and get the munchkin, Kara. I’ll see you tomorrow.

“Thanks, Winn. Can you actually do me an extra favour?”

 Winn is accepting before she can even say what it is, sliding his arms into the sleeves of his coat as he does so. “Yeah, of course, I can.”

“Can you check on Alex? She took Lori to school this morning and I haven’t heard from her to see how it went.”

“Good for her, getting back out there. I’ll let you know how she is when I get home.”

Kara is so very grateful for her friend. Not as grateful as she is for the woman who just paid off their mountain of medical debt but still grateful nonetheless. “You’re the best.”

“I know.”

Read more chapters early on Patreon here!

#cw supergirl #supercorp endgame #supergirl #supercorp #kara leaned in #kara x lena #kara danvers #kara zor el #lena luthor #supercorp fanfic #chaotic super #fanfiction #fluff #fanfic #wlw ship #lesbian fiction #For Her Sake #single parent au

[shinystealingbirb]

MUU THEORIES!!!!

Aight so:

Dunno how much of this has already been said but firstly. It’s Not My Fault is definitely set BEFORE after pain, even though it came after. The girl with the cropped purple hair is definitely the bullied- she’s dripping wet when she turns that hourglass in the first few seconds. I assume she was a newcomer at the school and saw the hierarchy and was disgusted. That’s why in After Pain she passed by Muu so coldly. Muu wakes up at that same desk the purple girl stands by, and the hourglass rolls by her like the balance has been, perhaps, upset? Seems like a fair assumption.

I can only assume she managed to become the “queen” and turned the bullying back on Muu, which is why she says “I guess I deserve it a bit” in after pain. She feels guilty and in pain then and overall like she’s lost everything because she has no one to confirm her “innocence” like in “it’s not my fault.”

Now as for “I love YOU” repeated in After Pain, that’s the part I’ve been struggling with. As best I can tell, she developed something with the purple girl sometime between the bullying and the upset of power. Who knows if it’s love or jealousy or whatever one emotion can easily be mistaken for another.

The most interesting part of Its Not My Fault…are the wings. Muu doesn’t get her wings until she kills that girl. But all her blank face followers already have wings. When she gets them, in the song she’s talking about “what if I really am guilty this time? Don’t hate me,” and then our vote reconfirms her beliefs. I think the wings symbolize acceptance, of some sort, of her role. All the others probably relized long ago how cruel what they did was but Muu thinks it’s her given right. Perhaps? Maybe? Care to share y’all’s thoughts?

#mu milgram #mu #milgram #milgram theories #milgram textpost

[watercolor-envy]

Diary entry 16.03.2024

I feel so guilty after eating like holly fuck can this stop? I eat so healthy why my brain is doing this shit to me.

I felt tired after working out, my mussels where weak and so I went out, bought myself my fav drink (non alcoholic ofc lol, just juice) and came back home, cooked an amazing dinner. I topped it with some fresh smoked fish from a fishermen. So literally I couldn't do better. But my mind is screaming: WHY DID YOU EAT FISH?! WHY DID YOU ADD CHEESE. YOU SHOULD CUT DOWN ON YOUR PORTION SIZE.

Like God damn, chill tf. I want to work out daily but this attitude will make me miserable. I want to build a bit of strength so to be able to do a pushup but I just get so anxious about food. I think it's because a lot of shit has been going on for the past few months and I've been struggling so much with life on its own. I feel miserable. I feel unwanted, not good enough and that I must fake everything to be accepted.

I hate it, I'm so scared od future and what my life will bring. I know that I will manage to do things in life but on the other hand I am unsure. I'm afraid that I'm going to remember this relapse forever. I'm afraid that it will be the biggest one yet. My only hope is that when the summer comes, it will be easier on me. That I will manage to recover but right now I'm afraid.

Food control is the only thing that is left for me in this life. I wish I could be happier, but I always wanted to fit into this world. I know I don't have to, since if I was born that means I fit in since I am human and humans deserve to eat and live. But I don't feel that way. I don't know why I keep relapsing, why am I so deep into this disorder right now.

I think it was caused by fear of my mistakes finally catching up with me, never feeling supported by my family, being neglected by everyone for so long and feeling sad in long distance relationship. Even though it's not really a long distance relationship, he spends half the year with me but oh well... I've never been in such loving and amazing relationship where I am seen for who I am. But it breaks me every time he leaves for work. First few hours are unimaginably painful, I know that I'll see him in 5-8 weeks. It's almost two months. And I miss him through that time. Each day I miss him, and each day I want him back. I still carry on living, doing my stuff but I feel tired, often sad and unwilling to do anything more than needed. There are weeks where stepping out of my bed are almost impossible. I feel so out of control. I feel left alone by everyone. I barley have any friends. My family is fucked up.

My mother will only notice me when I get good grades or if I've learned something that is in her interests. Oh and if I agree on some socio-political topic with her. Then she's proud of me. But she hasn't told me that she loves me in over 7 years now. It breaks my heart and soul. I've done so much for her approval over all these years and I was never good enough. The last time she told me that she loves me was after my su1cid3 attempt. My father? He's an alcoholic. I can't bond with him because almost always he had a drink or more. So it's alcohol speaking through him, not him himself. Every relationship I have with my family is fake because I don't trust them. They have went over my back over and over again and made me feel that it was all my fault.

I was overweight, just slightly and it was when I was a teen. I was 13-16 years old. Through those years they made me lose weight but only by saying that I am fat and I must lose weight. That I have a pretty face and it's a shame that I have such a big body. Those words hurt me like hell. I still feel this deep, sharp feeling in my chest when I go back to those memories. I had to walk on eggshells through all these years I lived with my parents. I moved out soon after I turned 18 and I never wanted to go back. Even though that by moving out I was being abused by my ex boyfriend.

I hold a grudge. I know that. I was a child that was mistreated for so long. I wanted to d1e at the age of 12. That's fucked up. My parents were so mad at me that I was depressed that I got no help. Only when I was 14 and almost d1ed something has changed for a second. After few months everything went back to how things were. As if it was my problem that I couldn't handle constant shouting at me for the stupidest shit. I started to zoom out, daily I wash going through out-of-the-body experience. Stress levels where so high that I stared having panic episodes and I felt that I don't have control, that I don't have privacy and I must do as my mother says.

When it's time to eat, I had to eat, when it was time to study I must have studied, when it was time to sleep I couldn't do anything else just sleep. She would daily monitor everything in my life. And I wanted to break free.

So I relapsed at the age of 16/17 and lost an alarming amount of weight in the smallest period of time. I wanted to k1ll myself again and only the thought of my friend has saved me that night. Because I knew I was important to her. But because of my soon-to-be boyfriend (at that time) I lost her. He has isolated me to have full control of me. He was approximately 7 years older than me. He was finishing his master's degree and buying his own place. I was still in highschool. I am now so terrified by that man. Why has he found me attractive? I was a fucking child.

So my abuse continued. I'm still processing those years of my past relationship. Each time I think of him I feel betrayed. I loved him, he was everything to me. He wanted me sick, he wanted me to "look at him as if he was God himself". And these are his words. I'm so glad that I woke up. That I saw him for who he truly is. An abuser, narcissist and sociopath. Someone with such a big ego that it's unbearable. He saw me by his own prism. I was just an accessory to him. Someone he had exclusively to please him exactly how he wanted.

Now I understand why I am afraid of so many things. But I don't know how to fix those fears. I want to be the best person for myself but I don't know how to do that.

#tw ana diary #ana trigger #ed not ed sheeran #pro a4a #skinnni #anarex14 #sk1nny aesthetic #tw ed sheeran #ed disorder #thinspø

[shesay]

I need some advice. I recently was broken up with and I'm reeling from it. We met when i was 19 and he was 32 and we ended up hooking up 6 years ago. He didn't tell me until after we hooked up that he had a wife which started a crazy feud, but he eventually divorced his wife and convinced me to be in a relationship with him. The relationship was pretty rocky at first because he was very emotionally abusive. Like he would constantly reprimand me for doing the wrong thing and saying the wrong thing and would lecture me for hours and not let me sleep until I agreed with him. I used to live with him sometimes because my mom got evicted and i couldn't hold down a stable job because I had an untreated learning disability and he would pick fights with me every day when I would say/ do the wrong thing and sometimes he would even kick me out.

While he did all this its v confusing bc he was also very good to me at the same time?? He helped me out when I was evicted and let me live rent free with him. He helped me get my diagnosis and helped me look for a job. He helped me get over some of my insecurities and would urge me to go to therapy and helped me get my driver's license. The last 2 years he started becoming more spiritual and became a lot nicer to me (He would still reprimand me but not as often) and urged me to do yoga and meditation. He started getting serious and during that time he was throwing ideas around of leaving everything behind and going to a yoga center etc. I was so drained atp from the constant mistreatment and feeling like I wasn't a priority so I went outside the relationship to explore my options. i met a guy that I was going to meet for dinner and just talk to, but I was drugged and assaulted. I felt so guilty that I told my boyfriend and he broke up with me. This was a year ago. Since then, we've been on and off because he would come back but couldn't commit because he couldnt trust me. Early this year he moved to a different state and he reached out to me to ask if I wanted to visit him out there in the summer. I was cautious but I agreed because I missed him. We started calling and texting every day and he started hinting that he wanted a relationship with me again. I started catching feelings again and was grateful for the opportunity to make things right because I fucked up. I bought the plane tickets and two days after I bought them he told me that he was getting women flirting with him out there and that he wanted to explore his options. I was so upset and I asked him why we couldnt work things out, he told me he still couldnt trust me after what happened. He told me it's best if I get a refund on the tix and just stay home. I felt so crushed, I felt like I was lead on and I feel so ashamed and guilty over what I did. The worst part is I felt like I ruined everything and it's my fault that the relationship ended the way it did. What do I do???? I have no friends and no one to talk to.

Omg 😭 idk how 2 advice u 2bh even tho I'm 20 and girls my age have been through alot of similar situations yk long term dating etc but I haven't thankfully anyways u were only 19 so young and naive and he was 32 🤮 and married he obv has no shame and u don't deserve what he made u go through and getting drugged and assaulted I can't imagine how horrifying that must be I'm v srry manifesting and praying 4 ur happiness and peace 💗 honestly i think uv been thru alot and u should take a break from males and focus on urself and ur own journey yk and i pray that u find good women friends who luv and cherish u.

#anonymous

[pics-and-fanfics]

Drugs of Love, Love of Drugs (part 25!)

Pairing: Loki x Druggie!Reader (getting close to it!)

Warnings: angst, self-deprecation (both Y/n and Loki), violence towards an innocent wall…

Summary: You wander off after leaving the police station, and Loki goes back to the tower, feeling guilty.

A/N: Please do not read if this is a sensitive topic/if this triggers you. I don’t want to bring anyone down, so please don’t read past this point if any of this makes you uncomfortable.

Ps: let me know if I’m missing any of my usual tags, I’m posting this at school on my phone 😭

You can find my other works on my Masterlist here! Series Masterlist can be found here!

You walked down the street, keeping your face down. You only looked immediately in front of you, but even then, you didn’t really care anymore.

How did Micheal find out? How? You sure as hell didn’t talk in your sleep, he would have told you- right?

You felt yourself start to spiral, but there was nothing you could to to stop it as anxiety ran rampant in your chest, making your throat close up and eyes water, making your hands shake and your steps falter.

Of course he wouldn’t have told you, he’d use it against you, just like he just did.

You were so angry. You had been so, so careful, and it had all been for nothing. NOTHING!

Rage beat its way into your heart, making your heart beat beat beat faster faster faster, harder harder harder, hurt hurt hurt, masking the feeling of failure that you didn’t quite feel now, but would later.

Hurt was all Loki could feel. Pain pain pain as you walked away from him, the image of your tear stained cheeks burned into his mind.

What had he done? Did- Did Loki just make it worse, had he just unintentionally undone everything you’d worked towards these last three months?

💊

You didn’t know where you were, but did you really care? Did you really want to go back to the tower, and be trapped again? Did you really want to have to pretend everything was fine, even though you could feel your whole world falling apart?

Were you even meant to see Estelle again?

Were you really going to try, when you knew the end result would only leave you in more pain?

💊

Loki was worried.

He’d gotten back to the tower almost two hours ago, and you were out there. Alone.

And it’s your fault, something in him whispered, and he put his head in his hands, sitting at the table.

This is all your fault, another whisper said.

Why do you even try? All you do is hurt people, yet another, each worse than the last.

You are meant to be alone, this is what you deserve.

A scream ripped out of his throat as he stood up, punching a hole in the wall next to him.

His heart was pounding, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t even move.

“I just wanted to help,” a soft whisper, lost in the dark of the small apartment, 5 words slipping from a set of lips before tumbling down into an abyss of pain.

“I didn’t want to hurt her.”

💊

You found yourself outside a homeless shelter you didn’t know how long later, but it had to have been hours.

Your feet hurt, your legs hurt, your head hurt.

But now, the rage from earlier was gone, and now all you could feel was like you were a failure, failing to protect your daughter, even though you weren’t there.

You were tired. So tired.

But-

But you knew how everything would go if you went inside. You’d be trapped, stuck in a schedule of eating, sleeping, and absolutely nothing else, only monotonous repetition, the same thing every day, day in, day out.

You weren’t that desperate. Not yet.

May- maybe you’d go back to the tower. Just for now. You wouldn’t stay, but you’d gather your thoughts- and your things- before you started looking for a job, then your own apartment.

💊

Well well well.

I hope you guys liked this chapter! I’m sorry this took so long, but hey! At least I got it done! I hope you wonderful people have an amazing day or night, I love you!

And don’t forget to let me know if you want to be added/removed from the taglist! ❤️

@vbecker10 @mochie85 @michelleleewise @fictive-sl0th @silverfire475 @huntress-artemiss  @sheris532 @lokixryss @lokidokieokie @stupidthoughtsinwriting @crimson25 @peaches1958

#loki #sas #loki x you #marvel #loki fan fic #writing #loki god of mischief #fanfiction #writeblr #marvel fanfic #angst #sorry not sorry #loki in general #writers #drugs #toxic relationship #please do not read if you are triggered #drugs of love love of drugs #time to panic #loki angst #marvel angst #I’m back bitches!

[menalez]

I need some advice. I recently was broken up with and I'm reeling from it. We met when i was 19 and he was 32 and we ended up hooking up 6 years ago. He didn't tell me until after we hooked up that he had a wife which started a crazy feud, but he eventually divorced his wife and convinced me to be in a relationship with him. The relationship was pretty rocky at first because he was very emotionally abusive. Like he would constantly reprimand me for doing the wrong thing and saying the wrong thing and would lecture me for hours and not let me sleep until I agreed with him. I used to live with him sometimes because my mom got evicted and i couldn't hold down a stable job because I had an untreated learning disability and he would pick fights with me every day when I would say/ do the wrong thing and sometimes he would even kick me out.

While he did all this its v confusing bc he was also very good to me at the same time?? He helped me out when I was evicted and let me live rent free with him. He helped me get my diagnosis and helped me look for a job. He helped me get over some of my insecurities and would urge me to go to therapy and helped me get my driver's license. The last 2 years he started becoming more spiritual and became a lot nicer to me (He would still reprimand me but not as often) and urged me to do yoga and meditation. He started getting serious and during that time he was throwing ideas around of leaving everything behind and going to a yoga center etc. I was so drained atp from the constant mistreatment and feeling like I wasn't a priority so I went outside the relationship to explore my options. i met a guy that I was going to meet for dinner and just talk to, but I was drugged and assaulted. I felt so guilty that I told my boyfriend and he broke up with me. This was a year ago. Since then, we've been on and off because he would come back but couldn't commit because he couldnt trust me. Early this year he moved to a different state and he reached out to me to ask if I wanted to visit him out there in the summer. I was cautious but I agreed because I missed him. We started calling and texting every day and he started hinting that he wanted a relationship with me again. I started catching feelings again and was grateful for the opportunity to make things right because I fucked up. I bought the plane tickets and two days after I bought them he told me that he was getting women flirting with him out there and that he wanted to explore his options. I was so upset and I asked him why we couldnt work things out, he told me he still couldnt trust me after what happened. He told me it's best if I get a refund on the tix and just stay home. I felt so crushed, I felt like I was lead on and I feel so ashamed and guilty over what I did. The worst part is I felt like I ruined everything and it's my fault that the relationship ended the way it did. What do I do???? I have no friends and no one to talk to.

oh my god anon the second u said 'we met when i was 19 and he was 32' i knew this was gonna be bad.

anon, dump this man and do not look back. he literally broke up with you for BEING RAPED. he made u feel guilty and like ur not trustworthy for being R A P E D. he would kick u out and utilise ur homelessness. he keeps confusing u. he literally is over a decade older than u, u were a teenager and hes nearing middle-aged!!!!!!!!!!! hes a creep!!!!!! he was using u and continues to and u NEED to put ur foot down n realise u deserve better than this

#trust me most abusers arent pure evil thats why many of us stayed in abusive relationships #he sounds like an abuser. most abusers have a 'good side' too

[goremet-chef]

vent. mind the tags

grieving with bpd is so... i wont say its worse or anything cuz im really not about that shit, anyone and almost everyone can and has felt this pain before, its a constant of life, but.. when im not actively sobbing and depressed and my mood switches up, it makes me feel so guilty. i should be spending that time in misery, i should be wailing and wiping more snot from my nose and my head should hurt worse like it was a few minutes ago, but yknow. emotional permanence n all that

its so funny, they keep trying to get me to believe in god, she says he'll show himself to me and ill find him my own way. i respect that she at least respects im not there yet (i dont think ill ever be truthfully but we can agree to disagree), but i just keep losing more and more, and any faith i had gets ripped away in an instant. there is no god worth worshipping, because someone worth worshipping would not put me through this pain again and again and again

3 pets dead within a YEAR. riley died june 29, 2022, talcum died in october of 2022, and now artemis, today. may 24. it hasnt even been a full year since riley died. i cant keep doing this man

i find myself less hopelessly despaired and choking on my spit wailing sad like the last two, only because im started to.. lose faith in everything. i feel cynical, it makes me MAD

because i did everything right this time. with riley, i made the mistake of even THINKING that it couldve been cancer, and then it was. i know that wasnt my fault, he had the tumor before i even came to visit and before we took him to the vet, but its still incredibly hard not to blame myself for that. talcum died of stress, because bruce kept jumping on his bird cage. i was so ashamed with myself that my MOM (who doesnt even view our pets as family, more like accessories) noticed talcum wasnt singing like he used to. i didnt even notice until the day after when my sibling was on the phone with every vet he could call to see if they took birds

i was optimistic this time, because it looked hopeful! it seemed like she would be okay, i told myself itll be fine and that we'll fix her up and she'll live longer because she deserves to. obviously that was completely useless because shes dead now, so none of that mattered. i didnt even get to say goodbye to her. i said bye when i left my grandmas house a few days ago, but.. its not the same.

i did everything right this time and obviously it didnt fucking matter because theres no fixing that. theres nothing you can do, death is the worst part of life and it never goes away. never gets easier, you can never outrun it. it makes me so sad that the ones who dont deserve it get it first. i know they were old cats but artemis wasnt THAT old. she probably wouldve lived happily for quite some time after, if everything turned out good. ive known them since i was 7. theyve been in my life forever, and now theyre both gone

god it hurts so much, it never gets easier. i just feel so hopeless right now. i wish i could freeze time, and we could just exist as we are forever. but i cant do that

#pet death #tw pet death #pet loss #tw pet loss #vent