#and by that I mean he'd be funnier

[cleaningbones]

jerry seinfeld would've done numbers if tiktok existed in the late 80s and early 90s

#and by that I mean he'd be funnier #he wouldn't be like those annoying sketch comedians on tiktok he'd be like #a storytime tiktoker crossed with one of those tiktokers who always gets ridiculously down bad comments that they react to #and also every now and then there's a video of kramer #i think it'd be funnier than his actual standup im not kidding #Seinfeld

[starry-bi-sky]

I am of the DPxDC belief/headcanon that any variation of Danny who grew up poor in Gotham during his formative years before moving to Amity Park would not be friends with Sam without friction at first. It makes things more interesting and imo allows for more exploration of different themes plus character growth for Sam that she doesn't really go through in canon.

(this doesn't only apply to a DPDC au where Danny grew up in Gotham poor, but it was the first thing that I thought of where this might happen considering my Childhood Friends au.)

Now Sam's a compassionate girl, it's one of her defining character traits, but so is her hypocrisy and judgy-ness. She's the Not Like Other Girls' girl. This is in part of the show's narrative framing that makes her out like this, unfortunately though its still showing how she is as a character since its consistent enough to be part of her character description. There are also times where the show's depiction of her activism makes it look like she's performative about it. All of this makes her dynamic with a Danny who grew up poor in Gotham very interesting.

Anyways, Sam is aware of her privilege to an extent, but still has her blindspots - glaring ones, in some cases. Her self-righteous attitude would not go over well with a crime alley kid Danny. He'd like her, at first, but then she'd do something to make him mad - personally I think her judging people for not being vegan would annoy him the most, or at least would be the breaking point for him, because it was only recently that his family started actually being able to consistently put food on the table at all, good food nonetheless. And being vegan is expensive.

Any other behavior he noticed from her he'd slowly stop tolerating - her judging conventionally attractive girls and automatically assuming they're vapid and shallow for being feminine. Her anti-capitalist beliefs start coming off as superficial at worst, and Danny would eventually figure out that Sam either came from a family that was well off, or that she wasn't aware if her family was experiencing financial struggle.

He would still be friends with Tucker, but since Tucker imo is still friends with Sam, they'd still run into each other often enough to butt heads. Sam's got a nasty habit of refusing to take responsibility when she's wrong, but when Danny is arguing with her, and counterpointing her with stuff she can't retort back at without compromising her own beliefs, then forces her to start reflecting on herself. Especially when Tucker eventually starts siding with Danny and agreeing with him.

Does sam genuinely care about her beliefs and philosophies? Survey says yes. However that doesn't mean she's not ignorant, and she definitely is at times throughout the show (like when she released the purpleback gorilla thinking it 'wanted out of its enclosure' despite the fact that it was endangered and in an urban area) and I think it'd be a real fascinating dynamic between Danny and Sam to explore.

This isn't Sam hate btw, nor am I trying to make her out like "the worst person ever" bc she's not, i wanna make that explicitly clear. Sam Manson has a lot of positive traits about her but she also has an equal amount of negative traits that I think should be explored, she is not immune to the character development.

#dpdc #dpxdc crossover #dpxdc #dpdc headcanon #dpxdc headcanon #dpxdc danny fenton #dpxdc sam manson #on a funnier note to me Danny asks Sam how much a loaf of bread costs and she can't tell him bc she doesn't know #she's an activist but also look me in the eyes and tell me she knows how much stuff at the grocery store costs #rich girl advocate sam vs crime alley kid danny FIGHT #does sam genuinely care about her beliefs and philosophies? survey says yes. however that doesn't mean she's not ignorant #cfau danny calls her privileged once and sam turns a new shade of red #this isn't sam hate btw i wanna make that explicitly clear #she's great i love her hOWEVER i am not blind to her flaws and i think it gets ignored by fanon AND canon in favor of girlbossing her #this also brings up the idea that Sam (based on her releasing the gorilla) would either respect damian wayne or HATE him bc she's judgy #and one of her flaws is her moral superiority over others. how very christian of you Sam - and i know she's jewish. thats part of the irony #he'd open an animal rehabilitation center and she'd assume the absolute worst. its hilarious. Damian would eat her alive #im taking a bat to a hornet's nest i think

[pocketramblr]

Absolutely love your writing for all the AU/5 headcanons asks. Can I ask: AU where Rei cheats on Endeavor with All Might? It happens after AM's injury, so she doesn't recognize him, and he ofc doesn't know that she's married in the first place, much less to whom

you make this very difficult for me by giving me a window of 6 and half years for them to have an affair and for every single moment of that window, Rei is institutionalized. how am i supposed to get them to meet, much less take their clothes off. ok. think. there are other fic writers who specialize in this kind of thing, surely. what would they do....

1- ok so. The fire alarm at the hospital goes off. Rei doesn't know if it's a drill or not, but she's been there for seven years and generally does not need a lot of support during something like this like other patients do, so the nurses wave her out and she stands around outside a bit waiting for the fire alarm to stop and them to go back in. (It isn't a drill, they wouldn't have evacuated everyone if it was, but Rei is on the other side of the building and facing away from seeing any smoke) (This smoke is from a villain attack that All Might is taking care of, though he's only got seconds left of his power to use that day. he quickly rushes off, deflating and stumbling out on the other side of the hospital. Where Rei is.)

2- Rei is like "huh that guy doesnt seem to be in good shape" and kinda waves attention at him, and a nurse who's passing out water to patients and keeping an eye on the road gives Toshinori some too, getting more concerned when he dazedly answers that he's All Might and coughs up blood, but the nurse figures he's concussed since he smells of smoke and must have been closer to the fight, and is just reeling from being able to see the number one hero in person. Then they get distracted and wave Toshi to wait nearby, where Rei offers to chill his water and asks if he's alright, if he breathed in any smoke.

3- They chat and then go back into the hospital as it's un-evacuated together, Rei hanging out in the lobby where he sits as the hospital staff focus on getting everyone else back to their rooms. It pays to be low priority sometimes. Eventually she tells him her name is Rei and that she's in room K18, if he ever wants to visit or call. She doesn't get to talk to anyone except doctors, family visitors, or other paitients, and most of them don't stay nearly as long as she does. It's been seven years, and she's very lonely. Toshinori is lonely too, and when he's out of time for a day and feeling useless with nothing to do, he likes to talk to a friend.

4- Rei has been in the hospital for eight years when it gets physical. At that point, Toshinori knows a bit about her family. She has kids, mentions visits from a son and daughter, and then quietly mentioned when her son turned seventeen- her daughter's already twenty. She's been there for so much of their lives. He asks if she's married, and she admits she isn't sure how to file for divorce in a hospital like she is, if she even can, if she wants to because she'd lose custody, if it matters when she's not raising them anyway. He doesn't ask much more, knows there is a dead child and a baby she says isn't safe with her there. Toshinori never called Nana 'mom' to her face while she was alive, and had a reason for it, and has a similar reason for not asking more, not asking for the other names when he gets Fuyumi and Natsuo's. Yes, the doctors and nurses all know Rei has a boyfriend who visits. they don't say anything. who would they even tell, anyway. I debated the humor of reusing the bit from candlelight shoto that Toshi and Rei could have a kid with a fire quirk, but yeah here? Rei ain't getting pregnant, absolutely not.

5- When Natsuo turns eighteen, Rei does actually file for divorce, or at least tries to get the ball rolling on that. Toshinori's trusted her that her marriage is over in all but name, but he's more at ease with it ended fully. Fuyumi is crushed but burying it all deep inside. Natsuo is like 'what are you talking about. divorce is the most normal possible outcome here.' But anyway, Rei also begins to bring up being discharged- something she never bothered with earlier, when it seemed like she'd never be able to go home while Shoto was there, and never would want to go back anyway. (Her parents are absolutely not an option either so where would she go once discharged? the hospital was her only security.) Toshinori then tells her at this point about his diagnosis, that he's supposed to be terminal, in a way. He doesn't have a lot of time he can give her. Rei says that's ok, she'll take what she can get. She moves in. Fuyumi still goes out to eat with her once a week, though Rei doesn't say she's moved in with a boyfriend, just says she's in a safe place and it's not Fuyumi's job to worry about it, please, let her do that, relax, be her daughter instead of a mother. Natsuo adds her to his cellphone plan and gets her one. Rei doesn't tell Toshinori her ex's identity. Toshinori doesn't tell her about OfA, though she does know he's mentoring a student for heroics and is very proud of him. (Toshinori is a secretary at Might Tower, he's a great mentor. Oh huh, he got a job position at UA at the same time as All Might, she wonders if they carpool.)

+1- OK THE REVEAL so the reveal is. Toshinori gets home from the SF. And Rei almost knocks him out by the door, eyes wide and panicked, asking if he's ok, if Shoto's ok. Toshinori is like "... young todoroki? yeah he's alright? i know his fight with young bakugo looked bad but- Rei???" And that's when it all clicks for him, he's having dozens of horrible realizations at once, all while Rei weeps over her youngest. Toshinori's been a hero for a very, very long time. He's felt hopeless, before. But even then, he's known what needs to be done, he just isn't able to do it. But now? he's at a complete loss with no idea what he should do.

#quick poll here. um. do we think shoto knows his parents are divorced #because i mean theres a lot of things he doesnt know about his family that he should #its not like they're really talking at that point #on the other hand. would enji have told him out of frustration for him clinging to his ice when rei left them? #basically. which one is funnier #Shoto going 'mom divorced you??? OH HELL YEAH GOOD FOR HER IM ONLY USING ICE TO CELEBRATE THAT i mean i know she hates me sure she should. #as long as she isn't tied to YOU anymore either we are going down hand in unlovable hand old man!!!' #or #shoto having no idea of the divorce and so when the truth comes out #either from toshinori or rei #hes like 'HELL YEAH YOUVE BEEN CHEATING ON DAD WITH ALL MIGHT???? HIGH FIVE MOM THATS THE BEST POSSIBLE REVENGE DABI WISHES HE'D #ORCHESTRATED THIS BUT HE NEVER HAD THE CREATIVITY TO!!! wait what do you mean its not cheating anymore because youre divorced' #these tags are funny because wow theres a lot of yikes and heavy stuff in the main post. ah ha ha. ah. #pocket talks to people #ask game #anon

[m0e-ru]

the absolute state of my tomodachy life

#kommento #tomomoelifing #// yknow considering the nature of this game and how ive done nothing with the save editor besides remove time penalty this is all umm #// very coincidental. also funny how i refuse to timeskip on acnh but i do it with THIS of all games. and i trans genders #// i didnt expect mimi and adachi to actually become best friends with the handful of good buddies he ended up having #// everyone wants mimi so bad the moment they divorced from margaret and transed their gender adachi came running after? i know what you ar #// okay granted i dont have a lot of adults on the island but i didnt think he'd jump on the chance that fast. MAY NAGSESELOS BA DITO?? #// i think it's also funnier after the divorce beause both of them started hanging out with adachi separately. so is he like. yknow. #// this game is ridiculous what do you mean ive spent 11 hours on it since yesterday #// this game proving my statement that mimi ps2 DOES have mii hair .

[maulfucker]

[listening to any random song] I could make this about Maul

#hm i should make an original post tag #this time it was a song about missing life in the countryside #i especially think the small town vibe fits so well with the vibe of dathomir culture that i cultivate in my head #where they are not the insular matriarchal society where males are pretty much slaves of the females that the rest of the galaxy thinks #but more like. a society where they call each other brothers or sisters and they mean it. they are a community. #and yeah actually this fits savage better since he'd have more memory of growing up in there #but it's funnier to say maul #considering my url. and all that. #i think. the 'the fat and sweaty hug from some father they call junior... six bucks‚ you cheat! violist‚ alcohol‚ a woman's leg #and a whole animal on the fire‚‚ god willing.. with the cousins in the creek.. a rancher was the first crush...' #<- the feeling of community. a small party‚ with everyone joking around. everyone's family. and of course. gay #because i do NOT believe a society where most men only interact with men and most women only interact with women would be mostly straight #like. yes i do believe straight people exist and yes i am using gay as an umbrella term. but surely they can't all be straight??

[yeonban]

Being in Tobias' mind is such an intriguing experience bc you'd typically expect him to only care about getting richer and richer for riches' sake like most other "villains" do, but all he wants is excitement, fun and the feeling of being alive. He couldn't care less if his life were to be put at stake, nor if his entire wealth were to vanish overnight. Sure, he's confident he could get it all back if it ever happened, but it also shows what money is to him. A means to an end, rather than the goal to strive for

#muse: tobias. #At the end of the day he's using that money to have FUN rather than for power or influence or what have you that maddens people #and it Shows bc I've glanced over some of his former threads and he fr just. offered to buy an entire clothing line for a blond woman #NOT because he wanted her favor; but simply bc he wanted to see what her REACTION to it would be. for funsies and whimsies #Does he do what will bring him most money? Sure. Does he do it FOR the money? Naww #If he had to do smth he disliked or didn't felt like doing; he would Not do it even if money was on the line. Exceptions: indebting people #If anything he'd think putting that money on a hook and dangling it in front of bosses (re: leaking that there's a chance to gain it) #while simultaneously getting in their way would be a x100 funnier experience. And usually it'd still end up bringing him $$$ #I'm trying to remember what he's used his money for thus far and tbh it's been the usual (drinks-drugs-cigars-luxury) AND pampering others #except I??? realized a while back that he's Never gotten drunk. NEVER. so all that money goes moreso into subtly manipulating people #He's even willing to forgive their debts at his owned bars & clubs as long as he imagines that way's going to end up more exciting #I feel like he's one of those bosses people would prefer to have over the alternatives bc it feels Easier to deal w him than live in fear #which is fascinating bc it's true that Tobias isn't bloodthirsty and /can/ be counted on; but imo it's scarier to not know what tf he wants #Bro jumped out of a window and waited for Gevanni to catch him just to give that man an experience resembling a heart attack LIKE. 😭😭😭 #It's good if you can manage to /befriend/ Tobias bc it means you're safe from him... but if you get in /other/ trouble then it's a 50/50 #if he'll help you or find it more amusing to watch til the last second. Altho ig AT LEAST he'll intervene before things get Too bad for you #If you're not friends w him/he doesn't find you entertaining & it's too much effort to help you tho... sayonara.

[many-gay-magpies]

come to think of it, tales of arcadia and bbc merlin would make a disturbingly fitting crossover.

#tales of arcadia #bbc merlin #toa #i mean. think about it. au where the merlin douxie and the gang finds in wizards is bbcm merlin who decided to fuck off and take like a #century-long nap or smth (and also looks old because being dragoon was good for intimidating people) and instead of being kind an asshole #he's just this. grumpy cantankerous old man that hits people over the head a lot #and when everyone goes back in time they ACTUALLY go back to the time when UTHER was still reigning and instead of the running gag being #douxie running around watching his younger self be a dumbass douxie isnt even there and they get to watch merlin be an incredibly powerful #twink instead. douxie is like YOU DIDNT TELL ME YOU AND KING ARTHUR WERE A THING and merlin temporarily turns him into a toad. #this leaves open the possibility for brilliant scenarios such as douxie (who in this au would have been merlin's apprentice #far post-arthur-mortem when gwen was queen and magic was allowed in camelot) seeing gwen as a servant and being like ''QUEEN GUINIVERE??!?'' #also instead of merlin being all insifferable about douxie having to ''earn'' his wizard staff he'd just be like GODDAMNIT YOU DONT NEED A #STAFF TO BE GOOD AT MAGIC. I ONLY HAVE THIS THING BECAUSE IT GIVES ME AN AIR OF GRAVITAS #idk how the trolls and trollhunters would fit into this but i just think it would be neat. #it has the potential to make the whole plot with uther marrying the troll funny as hell tho. funnier than it already was anyway #or wait possibly less funny actually. because in this situation trolls would be all civilized and cool and shit AND they'd be ANOTHER entire #group that uther's been trying to master. so it's yet another instance of ''oh woe one of the groups the king commited mass genocide against #is foiling a plot against him. moral conflicts aaa'' #bbcm/toa

[wheucto]

instead of, like, actually announcing he’s an alien, fan just sprinkles little bread crumbs around so that if someone was actually inanimate insane enough to try and figure it out it can be revealed that way instead

#wheucto #wheucto speaks #also. he's nervous about the reaction people might have if he just announces it #people might not believe him. since. yknow #or maybe hate him. because he's an alien. #he thinks it'd be way funnier if someone had to make a 4-page essay about how he's an alien and then he'd respond 'welp. you got me' #he tells test tube about this bc she's the only other person who Knows #only objectkind person anyways. four and three already know #i mean he could probably tell the hotel oj people about that. though he thinks trophy would be. weird about it #he and test tube do a series where he uses his impersonation powers on both of them to make them look and sound like the other to see if an- #-yone notices #kind of like the body swap episode. but different #(he could also use his impersonation powers to make them act like the other but that's not as fun) #occasionally he makes things float. in the background #no.1 fan au #i kept hitting the comma instead of the period

[husband-steve-cortez]

I say in an au Miles doesn't have any shady tendencies because in canon. While it's very true that Miles leans almost painfully lawful good at times (potentially veering into Lawful Neutral, potentially Lawful Evil if I'm being juicy with an au), Miles was an orphan who grew up on the streets and was in a gang to survive it.

And I think Miles knows how to do a lot of things and thinks in a lot of ways certain times and just kind of pretends he doesn't. Miles pretends he doesn't know how to pickpocket someone, pretends he's not good at lying and has a terrible poker face, pretends he doesn't have a temper, that he'd never consider killing someone for no good reason, that he was never that type of person.

Miles did what he had to do to make it as a kid, and some of that makes him a good leader now, as much as he tries to forget that.

#oc: Miles Shepard #the fact that he fucking pretends not to be good at poker is one of the funnier traits I've given him #Miles is often doing a heroic bit #and part of that bit means pretending to be bad at lying. #Miles is surprisingly calm under fire because he's used to that. It's where he thrives. It's part of why he did so well in Elysium #I imagine at times when other people aren't prepared Miles is. And it's a rough way to live but it makes him well-suited to military life #and Miles is capable of more than he'd like to think. He comes so close to shooting Mordin.

[nicktoonsunite]

Given how Miracle City is, wouldn't Manny look at the hero/villain dynamic, age difference, and similar powers, and just assume that Vlad is Danny's dad. The longer until Manny asks about it, the funnier it'd get.

HE WOULD. It's also funnier considering that's the most devastating thing you could say to Danny I think. Like if it wasn't Manny who's saying it he would've been so offended he'd launch him into space

The topic was never brought up at all (Vlad isn't an active threat nowadays and Manny only knew him because of past recollections from Danny and the others) so I can imagine Manny just sat with that assumption until one day he gets to visit Danny's parents' house and makes some offhand remark about his dad. Danny gets confused and asks what he means

Manny says smth like "are we supposed to be careful around him or is he retired now"

Danny: who do you think my dad is

Manny: is Vlad not your dad?

Danny:

#asks #dewdles #tigerghost #i guess #anon #danny (internally): WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU THINK THAT !!!!!!!!!!! #what he says out loud: no he is not my father. dont be silly :)

[kaluawoo]

I love when I write fanfic and a piece of canon I forgot while planning makes the fic even better >:3

#Like occasionally you forget a piece of canon that kinda. Makes your fic not quite fit so you gotta ignore it #But every now and then!! >:3 #(I wanted to have Sai trying to cook for Choji. Shenanigans Ensue bc he'd just let himself into Choji's house and stuff) #(b u t) #(the fic is set vaguely during Shippuuden. Which means Choji lives with his parents. So Sai will have to explain go to them wtf he's up to) #(They'll be supportive but it'll make it even funnier akfjskfnwkfnl)

[dotster001]

Can I request overblot crew + malmal (idk if he's gonna be the one who does it so) w a mc who has the uncontrollable impulse to just. Touch things they deem pretty/cute/whatever? Like malmals horns, leonas ears and tail, idias hair, jamils little coin things in his hair, vils crown, etc?

Or funnier, things they're supposed to not touch bc common sense? Like the boiling hot liquid in the alchemy cauldron, the fireplace, broken glass, basically anything someone would have to rip their hands away from lol

A/N: I did a mix of things. As someone who wants to put dungeons and dragons dice right into my mouth, I had a lot of fun with this one 😂 I want to put my hands in jamil and Azul's hair so bad 😭

CW: injury in Azul and Idia's parts, self inflicted, cause obviously 😂

3k follower masterlist

No one was allowed to touch the roses. Well, no one but you. You like to run your fingers on the petals, tracing any visible veins, touching paint spots, and booping him on the nose if the rose hasn't dried yet.

So sweet, so soft, so innocent. He only wished that…

"Fuck!"

No matter how many times he reminded you not to, you always poked the thorns.

"Y/N," he said sternly, "the entire point of thorns on roses is that they hurt.  They are intended to protect the rose!"

"But if not for touch, why touch shaped?" You pouted.

"Sorry?"

You sighed, and stared at the rose with a sharp glare, before turning back to him with a mischievous grin. 

"If I can't play with the roses, can I play with your scepter staff thing?"

He should have known. You'd been asking to "play with it" for weeks now. And every time he'd clutched it tighter, and taken a step back. He loved you! But he didn't trust whatever it was you wanted to do with his staff.

"Please, my rose?" You gently traced the collar of his dorm uniform, pressing your free hand to his chest and  giving him the sweetest puppy dog eyes.

He sighed, and placed his scepter in your hand, and was given immediate whiplash as you started swinging it through the air like a baseball bat.

"What are you doing?!?"

"Fighting crime!"

He felt a ticklish feeling in his half awake state. Assuming it was a fly of some sort, he flicked his ears, and attempted to drift back off. But the ticklish feeling was insistent. He opened one eye to see you scratching his ears. He groaned. He should have known. This was a common occurrence.

"Oy, Herbivore!"

Your eyes widened, and flickered to his.

"Oh! You're awake!"

"Yeah, cause there's a fly buzzing by my ear."

You looked down at your hands then pulled them away.

"Oh, sorry."

You reached out to fiddle with one of his braids, your fingers doing what he could only describe as kneading the plaits.

He gripped your wrist, and pulled you down to his level, pressing you into his chest.

"If you're gonna mess with my hair, then, quid pro quo, you should expect there to be a price."

You nuzzled into his chest and nodded, your hand snaking back into his hair as he drifted off to your gentle fingers.

This was exactly why he had the Leech twins watch you. You always complained you didn't need a babysitter, but when left to your own devices…

"As your partner, I shouldn't have to sign a contract or pay a price for a healing potion!" You cried, clutching your burnt hand.

What had you done?

You'd touched a stove seconds after the burner was turned off.

Call it stupid curiosity.

"If there's no price, how can I ensure you won't keep making these decisions!" Azul cried, finishing the final touches of the contract he was writing.

"Decision implies I thought about it. I can't stress enough that there was no thought involved."

He glared at you, before pushing the contract over to you.

"Sign it, and I'll fix your hand."

"My hand hurts too much," you whined.

"Your non-dominant hand is the one you burned. Sign it."

You looked at the fine print before grimacing.

"This says I can't touch anything if it's an impulse touch. What about you?"

"What about me?"

"That means I can't just touch your hair anymore? I can't just come up and kiss you anymore?"

Azul groaned a massaged his temples. 

"This is a punishment. You get those privileges back in two weeks. Sign the damn contract."

You intended to glare at him, but a wave of pain hit your hand and you quickly signed it in shaky script.

"There," he pulled out a potion and gently took your hand. "Hopefully you learn something."

"I probably won't," you muttered bitterly.

"I know," he lamented.

His heart couldn't handle it. Even asking you out had nearly sent him into the recesses of his hood for eternity. 

But ever since then, whenever you got the chance, your hands were in his hair. Usually playing with the gold medallions in his hair. But if he happened to have worn his hair down that day….oh sevens.

You'd somehow snuck up on him, and snuck your way into his lap, cupping his face and running your hands through his hair.

You were technically looking at his face, but he knew you weren't actually seeing him. You were seeing his hair.

"Y/N," he muttered, feeling his face burn, "I have to finish this homework."

"Mhmm," you muttered, as dazed as if he'd charmed you.

"Y/N!" He whines, unable to stop himself from leaning into your touch, just a little.

"Mhmm," you hummed, before unexpectedly pressing his face to your chest to allow yourself more space to play with his long hair.

He thought about speaking up. But you couldn't see his increasingly flustered expression with his face pressed to your chest. And you were warm and comforting. And your hands in his hair didn't feel too bad. Maybe he could indulge. Just for a moment.

Crash

Vil groaned, and left the bathroom he'd been doing his makeup in, watching you stare at a shattered bottle. Was it potion, perfume, or lotion? Even you probably didn't know. You just saw a shiny, pretty bottle, and had to touch.

"I'll pay for it!" You shouted, eyes wide with fear.

He sighed, flicked his pen at the broom he'd bought not long after dating you, and watched as it magically swept up the pink shards and goop on the floor.

He then half heartedly glared at you, lazily pointing his pen in your direction.

"Don't touch another one."

You aggressively nodded, and he returned to the bathroom to finish his look.

Ten minutes later, he heard it.

Crash

He covered his mouth to hide his quiet laughter. He truly couldn't leave you alone for ten minutes. It was endearing truly. He heard the broom fall as you, he assumed, hastily moved to sweep it up, and he couldn't hold back anymore, allowing himself to release a full, joyous laugh.

"Hold that," Idia said excitedly as he passed you the scissors he'd just been using. His new game system was here! And he'd bundled it so that it came with Star Rogue 2, which had only just come out! 

He slowly pulled it out of the box, holding his breath from excitement, and,

"Fuck!" 

He turned to look at you, and your thumb was in your mouth.

"What's wrong?" 

You pulled your thumb out, showing a cut on the finger pad. 

"Ortho!" Idia called in a panic, holding your hand and staring at the cut. In his panic, he stuck your thumb in his own mouth.

"Ew, Idia," you said, face full of disgust at your boyfriend's spit on your hand.

Ortho came over before he could respond, and pulled your hand from Idia's mouth. He immediately got to work on the cut, seeming to have been aware of the problem immediately.

"How did you do this?" Idia asked, rocking back and forth to get rid of his nervous energy.

You looked up at Ortho, then back at Idia, then back to Ortho.

"I'm embarrassed to say it when Ortho is here. He'll just give me a speech."

"I only give speeches when you need them!" Ortho said defensively.

"Which is everytime," you muttered bitterly.

"Y/N, please, I'm scared. Tell me what happened!" Idia cried, beginning to pace as Ortho wrapped a bandage around your thumb.

You stared at the floor. "Well, you handed me the scissors, and I was curious how sharp they are, so…"

Idia groaned, and Ortho immediately began his speech about scissors.

Malleus knew he was tall, especially compared to humans. So he'd never thought much about how insistently stared up at him, eyes full of expectation.

It wasn't until he watched your cat creature's eyes do the same thing as he tied a shoelace, one day, that he realized that you wanted something. And it wasn't hard to figure out what it was.

"Are you looking at my horns? If you're so curious, you can touch them freely. But only if you are ready to see what will happen afterwards."

Little did he know that he had stumbled upon a rare breed of human, one that was unafraid of him, but to an unrealistic extent.

It was visible today, while you were on a walk together, and then you stopped walking. He paused to look back at you, but it was too late. You were climbing his body like a koala, all to reach his horns.

"If you simply asked me, I would let you touch them."

"So shiny! Must touch!"

He laughed lightly as you reached his horns, and heard you attempt to knock against them. They didn't have feeling, but he could guess from previous times this had happened that you were poking the points with a finger and running your hands up and down them.

He felt a pull on his head as your lower half lost its grip, and you helplessly dangled while holding his horns.

"Oh, my silly child of man," he laughed. "What am I going to do with you?" He flicked his pen and helped you float down, then turned to you. You were sitting in the grass and pouting.

"I wasn't done," you muttered.

He knelt in the grass with you, then lay his head on your lap, laughing again as you excitedly traced his horns, allowing himself to relax under your care.

#3k followers #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #riddle rosehearts x reader #riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar x reader #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul ashengrotto #jamil viper x reader #jamil viper #vil schoenheit x reader #vil schoenheit #idia shroud x reader #idia shroud #malleus draconia x reader #malleus draconia

[suiana]

(yandere! artist x gn! reader) (this was funnier in my head)

"..."

"..."

"Erm-"

"Just wait a minute... I'm almost done..."

You purse your lips, holding the position reluctantly as you eye the artist. You feel your body shiver lightly, a sign that the cold air in the room was starting to get to you.

However, you could only let out a small sigh, staring at the artist who was painting your nude body with the most focused look you've ever seen. You know things would be worse if you defied him.

What were you even doing right now? You couldn't believe you'd actually allow him to paint your naked body in exchange for money and some freedom!

But... It was just too tempting. Things were starting to get a little boring after all.

Plus, you know he'd make you model for him either way. You'd rather do it willingly and get rewarded than be forced to do it and get punished. And either way, you know that it wouldn't be sexual. You know he'd be too focused on getting everything right to focus on his desires.

"Darling could you come here please?"

He mumbles, eyes focused on the easel as he continues to paint. You feel yourself rejoice slightly as you stand up and make your way over to him. You grab his jacket and wrap it around your body.

You relish in the warmth, snuggling into his jacket. But your comfort didn't last long, for he made you sit in his lap as he pointed out some mistakes that only he could see.

"The lighting over here looks a bit too hard... And the strokes here-"

You didn't bother listening to his complaints. I mean, it's not like you were an artist or anything but even then, you could tell the painting was a piece of art. Everything looked perfect to you, and you couldn't see the mistakes that he pointed out.

But you suppose that it was because he was an artist and that was his art. Therefore it would make sense for him to critique it more sternly.

"Darling you're too beautiful... I can never paint you perfectly."

He mumbles, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. You freeze slightly, still not used to his touches before relaxing as you stare at the painting.

Even if you hated this guy for forcing you to be with him... You couldn't lie that he was an art genius. And you just couldn't understand why he thinks you're like this perfect being. This painting made you look like a heavenly angel!

"Um... I think the painting is amazing... I think it's good enough-"

"Darling, it will never be enough."

He looks up from his position, eyelashes fluttering as he tightens his grip on your waist.

"Why won't you understand that you're the perfect muse? Give yourself more credit..."

He sighs in bliss, nuzzling your neck with his cheek as you grow slightly exasperated with him. Damn, you can't believe that an NPC like you managed to get him to fall for you.

You shiver again, feeling the cold air hit your bare legs as you sit in his lap, enjoying the warmth his body radiated. Now, the painting looks done so...

"So um can I wear clothes now?"

"No."

"Damn."

#yandere #tw yandere #yandere x reader #yandere drabbles #yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #yandere concept #yandere artist #yandere artist x reader #gn reader #suiana rambling #suiana brainrotting

[taffywabbit]

every time dilbert gets mentioned in a conversation/post i think about how hilarious it is that scott adams turned out to be such a deranged alt-right fuckwit, considering the fact that his comics indisputably radicalized me against capitalism as a kid and probably did so earlier than anything else

like there IS some pretty iffy stuff in dilbert for sure (particularly a lot of casual misogyny and xenophobia), and it definitely increased over time as the author got more edgy and self-important. i don't think i read anything from later than like 2003 and it was already starting to get pretty unreadable by then - LONG before he started openly being a turbo-racist podcaster weirdo. but the earlier stuff (especially before there were a lot of established recurring characters or running gags) was largely just a satirical cartoon focused on how corporations are evil and exploitative, and how you'd have to be completely detached from reality to truly enjoy working for them, and how trying to climb the ladder of success is a futile pursuit within a capitalist society where the upper class needs to keep pulling that ladder up behind them to keep the rest of us in our place and maintain their own status. it was basically vent art by a guy stuck working in mind-numbing desk jobs, who barely knew how to draw but just wanted to get his thoughts out and reach other people who were frustrated in the same ways he was. it's really weird but also fascinating to compare that to how it (and adams himself) ended up in the long run

i don't think it was particularly funny most of the time, and when it did have actual jokes, they were often pretty mean-spirited and/or cynical. i don't remember more than one or two specific bits from the comic that actually ever made me laugh, and i read a LOT of them as a kid (my grandpa had a massive collection of newspaper comic compilation books at his house that he'd let me look through and borrow stuff from - this is also how i discovered garfield and calvin & hobbes). but i DO remember having it instilled in me from an early age that there was nothing really exciting or praiseworthy about grinding your life away for a company that profits off your skilled labor and gives you pennies in return - which is especially noteworthy considering i was also raised by mormons, who are famously all about that "nobility in suffering" and "work your way to heaven" type bullshit. i'm genuinely unsure how this happened

anyways i think scott adams would probably piss his pants and explode if he ever took a break from peddling his psychic penis hypnosis and killer burrito podcasts long enough to seriously think about any of this stuff. (and i hope he does. it would be funnier than anything he's ever written.)

#buny text #dilbert #capitalism

[streetsweepershenanigans]

Out of all the '86 flyboys who became like uncles to little Bradley, it wasn't Mav, it wasn't Slider, it wasn't even Wolf or Wood- who taught him his first swear word, it was Ice He'd done it with his nieces and nephews and little cousins before, so why would Bradley be any different? Of course, he figured one of the others would have beat him to it, but the shocked and speechless look on Maverick's face told him otherwise.

When no one had been looking, he'd quietly beckoned Bradley over with a "Hey, baby Goose, com'ere." When Bradley's little voice had proudly chirped "fuck" over the dinner table, Maverick had immediately choked on his food and dropped his fork while Carole immediately burst out in laughter so contagious, Ice couldn't help but catch on. Mav's pale face and shocked expression only making the situation funnier.

"Carol, I swear- I didn't- I never-" Maverick rushed to defend himself.

"Oh honey, I know. And I know I didn't, which means," Carol turned on Ice then, and damn. He didn't think of that. He figured Maverick would've already pulled the stunt. "Mr. Goody two-shoes, Thomas 'Iceman' Kazansky, is the first person to teach my son a swear word." Carol cackled while pointing and accusing finger at him.

"Ice-" Maverick implored in disbelief.

"Well, I figured-" Ice gestured over to Maverick while struggling to conceal his grin.

The conversation turned from their to all three adult coaching little Bradley on how, yes- that is a word, and no, it's not a very nice one that should ever be used, all while desperately trying to suppress their laughter.

However it was Ice who would suffer the unforseen consequences of his little prank, as over the years, neither Maverick nor Bradley- now proudly Rooster, would ever let him forget that it was Admiral Thomas "Iceman" Kazansky, Commander of the Pacific Fleet who had taught him his first swear word.

#icemav #top gun #maverick #iceman #top gun 1986 #top gun maverick #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #bradley rooster bradshaw #baby bradley #carol bradshaw #minific

[rogueddie]

A Spot in My Life T | 953 words Prompt for @steddielovemonth: Love is keeping a spare sweater or blanket in the car because they always get cold

Steve Harrington is a bitch.

It's something that Eddie knew, all through high school, but he had thought that Steve had somehow became a new person- thanks to the Upside Down and constantly almost seeing the world end.

Steve isn't a bad guy, he can admit. He's still trying to keep an eye on everyone, make sure they're ok, even checking in with Eddie in his own way.

But he's very sly about it, hiding it being playful jabs, eye rolls and cocked hips.

It rubs him the wrong way. And it's only made worse by how much Eddie still likes him. It's as if the bitchiness only draws him in more, even as it makes his chest burn with irritation.

He tries to avoid Steve for as long as he can. He knows that finally befriending him like they both want will only end badly, but he knows he can't resist the temptation.

He enjoys the time before as much as he can, reveling in how often Steve will try to corner him so they can hang out, how much he whines and pleads and pushes. He enjoys the illusion that Steve could feel anything for him like he does for Steve.

And, when they finally do hang out, his fears are confirmed.

Steve is amazing. He's funnier than he comes across as at first too. He pays attention to what Eddie says and tries to get him anything he wants.

He's the type of friend that anyone would fight for, Eddie is sure. It explains how he ended up so popular in high school too.

If Eddie had known what Steve is truly like, he'd have been lining up for a scrap of his attention like everyone else.

"They're assholes," Steve explains, when Eddie finally asks about his old lackeys. "Tommy always took shit a step too far. I didn't need them. Probably shouldn't have befriended them in the first place."

"They were your friends," Eddie reminds him.

Steve sighs, leaning back. "Yeah, I guess. Just wish I'd realised sooner, how they were getting."

He never complains about the kids, not genuinely. In the quiet moments, when Steve is honest with an almost painful degree of vulnerability, he talks about how amazing the kids are. He talks about how honored he is to be friends with Dustin.

It only makes Eddies feelings inch ever closer to 'the L word'.

"You should talk to him," Robin suggests. "He really is amazing."

"I know, but... guys that are ok with lesbians still get weird about gay men, you know?"

"Yeah, but Steve isn't like that. Did he ever tell you the full story of how I came out to him?"

"It was after the Russian torture drugs, right?"

"We were in the bathroom, near the cinema. I thought we might have puked it all up, so we decided to test it, ask each other questions. So, I asked him if he was ever in love..."

"Oh... oh no."

"Oh yes. He liked me, told me so, and that's when I came out to him."

"Holy shit, Robin."

"But that's my point. He was a little surprised, sure, but he started making jokes, like, immediately. Didn't phase him at all. He got with it immediately. We're just friends, and that's not a problem for him."

Eddie groans, throwing his head back so it thumps into the wall behind him. "But that just makes him more hot!"

The story plagues his mind, to the point that it's the only thing he can think about when he picks Steve up for their next hang out.

In the dead of winter, Steve feels the cold worse than anyone else that Eddie knows. He runs hot, and the sudden temperature drops brings out the worse in him.

He's shivering when he climbs into Eddie's car.

"Fuck, why isn't your heating on?" He whines.

"It's broke," Eddie reminds him. "It's fine, don't worry."

"Don't worry? I'm gonna get hypothermia, Eddie! I don't want to turn into an ice sc- what is that?"

He takes the blanket that Eddie had reached back to grab, staring at it.

"It's a blanket."

"No shit, I mean... it's yellow."

"Yeah? You like yellow."

"You got this for me?"

"You see anyone else shivering in my van?"

"No, it..." Steve pauses, glancing at Eddie before slowly wrapping the blanket around himself. "Sorry, uh... thank you. This is, um, nice."

"it's nothing."

"It's not. Just- take the thanks, Ed."

"Alright, alright."

They're silent for the rest of the drive. It's so unusual for them that it has Eddie nervous, glancing at Steve every other moment.

When they finally pull to a stop, Eddie turns to Steve, who stays where he is. He stares out the front window for a moment, before turning to face Eddie.

"Are you alright?" Eddie asks.

"Yeah, I am. Enjoying the warmth."

"That all?"

"... yeah."

Eddie rolls his eyes. "You're a terrible liar."

"Wh- hey, I'm a good liar!" He tries to glare, but quickly backs down with a huff. "Alright, fine, but it's really sappy! Don't say I didn't warn you!"

"Oh, no, the horror."

"Shut up. I was just thinking about how, like... there's so many little things in your life that are for me. My tapes in your room, spare clothes in your closet, this blanket... I really appreciate it, man. You've made space for me in your life. It means a lot to me."

"Oh, right. That's... yeah. Of course, Steve. You're always welcome. I love- uh... spending time with you."

"Good. I love spending time with you too."

"Good."

"Great."

Steve's smile is wide and goofy. He's sure that his own is just as cheesy.

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #steddie fic #ficlet #nav.slm