#and bucky’s abandonment issues because of steve

[bucksangel]

just can't stop thinking abt how bucky and steve probably have abandonment issues and separation anxiety because they've lost each other several times and neither can really handle not at least being in the same room together. the pda in and out of their house is Insane because they've been apart for so long they want to make up for lost time.

#anyway i'm forever emo over these two #bucky barnes #steve rogers #stucky #stevebucky #𓆩♡𓆪 angel's thoughts 𓆩♡𓆪 #my hc

[holylulusworld]

Big girls don't cry (5)

Summary: You are no stranger to heartbreak.

Pairing: CEO!Steve Rogers x Plussized!Reader

Warnings:  angst, strong reader, mentions of former heartbreak, regret, fear of commitment, abandonment issues, fluff, mistaken identity, hopeful ending, a little fun, talk about therapy

Big girls don’t cry masterlist

Part 4

“I wish you love. A love that will give you everything you’ll ever need…”

You fist his shirt, desperate to tell Steve how you feel. Yes, he hurt you deeply but maybe there is a chance that you can work things out. 

There is love between the two of you. A love you don’t want to give up easily. 

You didn’t know he struggled in the past too, believing he always was the self-confident man he is. You understand now that he is insecure sometimes - just like you.

“Steve, I don’t want someone else to love me. I only wanted you to love me,” you hide your face in his chest, wetting his shirt with your tears.

“I ruined our love. I destroyed what we had because of my insecurities,” Steve cries now too. He hiccups and buries his face in your neck. “You will never love me again. I threw the best thing ever happening to me away. What else can I do but let you go to find someone better?”

“Steve, love doesn’t die easily. It’s stronger than you give it credit for. Love isn’t always strong from the beginning. It grows if you give it the chance to do so. Every touch, kiss, or gentle gesture let it grow,” you choke out a sob. “Even after a storm, it can grow if you find a way to forgive each other.”

“I love you so much it hurts not having you around. That day, I wanted to ask you to move in with me,” he sniffs, “I wasn’t sure how to propose, but I got the ring, and then…”

“You messed shit up, Stevie,” you whisper against him. “Why did you have to say these things? Why?”

“Sam and Bucky said I’m whipped, and I got scared that you will make me fall in love even more only to break my heart. Everyone just left me, and I kind of sabotaged our relationship to not get hurt. Instead, I hurt the only person who meant the world to me. I hate myself for it.”

“You’ve got abandonment issues. I don’t think you’ll be able to have a healthy relationship if you don’t seek help. Maybe you need a therapist to help you come to terms with your past. I’d gladly help you, but I don’t think I’m the right person.”

“A therapist,” Steve whispers. “Will you help me find one? I-I trust you and…”

“I won’t give up on us yet, Steve. I’m still angry at you. But mostly, I’m hurt. You didn’t trust me enough to talk about your past with me.”

“You didn’t talk about your past with me either, doll,” he lifts his head to look at you. “I guess we both should try to come to terms with our past. Maybe we can do it together?” Steve looks at you like a kicked puppy. “Please…”

“So…” You sit on Steve’s sofa, looking at the notebook in your hands. “What do you think about the therapist and the homework he gave us?”

“I’m not sure,” Steve places a cup of tea and some cookies on the coffee table in front of you. “It felt good to talk about the things bugging me. But I didn’t like the way he stared at your chest.”

You giggle. Steve is not wrong. Dr. Hansen poorly hid his attraction toward your boobs and ass. Maybe he wasn’t the best choice, but he had the best reviews. 

Steve sighs and opens his notebook to reread the instructions Dr. Hansen gave him during their private session. “He told me to tell you how much I love your body. With my tongue and body.”

“He told you to have sex with me?” You wrinkle your nose. “You’re lying.” Steve yelps when you snatch the notebook out of his hands to get a look at the instructions. “Did he draw me?”

“Uh-that was me. Dr. Hansen was talking about you, and that you’re a beautiful woman. He wanted me to cherish you. I couldn’t help myself and draw you.”

“You’re very talented Steve,” you grin. “Just draw me with clothes on next time…”

“He didn’t see a thing. I swear,” he starts to sweat. “It’s just that the was talking about you, and your appearance all the time and my mind wandered.”

Sighing again you close the notebook. “I don’t think Dr. Hansen will help us. He’s a pervert.”

“Hmmm…” Steve nods in agreement. “I don’t understand all the good reviews. Maybe they are fake.”

“Let me check again,” you grab your phone to search for Dr. Hansen. “Hmm…” You frown deeply. “Crap.”

“What?” Steve looks at you, brows furrowed. “Doll? What’s wrong?” He worriedly places his hand on your thigh.

“I think…uh…I messed up this time,” you giggle as your cheeks heat up. “I noted the wrong address. I wanted to go to Dr. Hanson, not Dr. Hansen. We kinda ended up with a sex therapist.”

Steve snorts. “Well, we never had a problem in that department. Our sex was extraordinary, kinky, sweet, hot, and satisfying.”

“You are telling me,” you groan loudly. “Great. Now I know why he was talking about my sad vagina all the time. I believed he was a creep when he wanted me to tell him about my masturbation routine.”

“He asked you how you touch yourself?” Steve’s head snaps toward you. “I swear, I’m going to kill him. Right now. I’ll go to his practice and murder him.”

“He only did his job,” you point out. 

Steve pouts. “I still don’t like that guy. He accused me of not taking care of your muffin. I don’t know what he meant, but I didn’t like it one bit.” 

You snort, as you watch Steve. “Oh my god. Stevie! You can’t be serious.”

“I’m damn serious.” He slams his fist into the couch. “I always ate your muffins and cupcakes. How dare that man to say I don’t like the food you make.”

“Steve,” you giggle as you place your hand on his shoulder. “He was talking about my vagina, not pastries.”

“What?” All color drains from Steve’s face. His features harden and he’s about to kick the table. “How can he say such a thing?”

“Uh-I kinda told him that you disappointed me. I guess he believed I was talking about your qualities in the bedroom.” You start laughing at Steve’s pissed expression. He grunts as you hold your stomach. “This can only happen to us. We seek help and end up with a sex therapist.”

“Stop laughing,” Steve struggles to not laugh. “Doll, stop laughing. We should talk about our relationship, not laugh about our therapist.”

“I wanna laugh,” you giggle and kick your feet. “That feels,” you snort while laughing, “so good. Stevie…”

After the incident with Dr. Hansen, and your flash of laughter you decided to talk things out with Steve in private. If you need professional help, you can still look for a therapist.

It’s been two weeks, and you are slowly making progress. You talked about your childhood friends and slowly got closer to the core of your problems. Distrust and the fear of getting hurt again.

“You can take your time,” Steve softly says. “I told you about Peggy and the others hurting me. Uh-and my first girlfriend. You know that I’ll not judge you or laugh about you.”

You inhale sharply. It’s been years since you thought about your first love. “It was because of one of his friends’ comments. We were good, and I believed he liked me. One false word from his friend and he decided that I was not the girl he wanted to take to prom. Since then, I never trusted someone with my heart. Until you.”

“And I broke your trust in me,” Steve sighs deeply. “I know I said it before but I’m so fucking sorry. What happened in my past shouldn’t have influenced my life and my feelings for you. If I could turn back time and take the words back, I’d do it.”

“Now that we talked about our past, we should address the elephant in the room. Where do we go from here?”

“I don’t know,” he honestly says. “All I know is that my feelings for you never changed, and that I love you. I just don’t know if that’s enough for you.”

“What about your job? You quit and gave up your career,” you move a little closer to Steve to take his hand in yours. “What do you want to do now?”

“Bucky, Sam, and I are thinking about starting our own business. That was my dream for years. I hated working for that asshole.”

You interlock your fingers with Steve and lean your head against his shoulder. “You’ll stay in New York, right? I don’t want you to move miles away.”

“Of course, I’ll stay close to you, doll. It’s only a vague idea so far. We still need to talk about the details,” Steve leans his head against yours, sighing. “Do you want me to stick around?”

“Hmm…I could get any guy, you know. Including Dr. Hansen,” you grin hearing Steve inhale sharply. “Every guy wants a taste of me.”

“Y-ou wouldn’t go out with Dr. Hansen. Right? He’s still a creep,” Steve stammers. “Please don’t go out with him.”

“I could have any guy, but I only want you, Steve.”

Steve nods. He knows that you’ve got a long way ahead. Both of you need to heal, but if you are willing to give him the chance, he’ll show you what love is…

FIN

Tags in reblog.

#steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #business au #Big girls don't cry (5) #ceo!steve rogers

[skyfallslayer]

A Stitch In Time || Prologue

-Bucky Barnes x Daughter!Reader-

Series Masterlist

° Series Summary: A Time Heist mission goes wrong, and some of the Avengers end up in the 1950s. Desperately clinging to their lives, they wind up in a place subconsciously. And unfortunately for Steve, and especially to Bucky, they find themselves face to face with someone they wish not to see.

° Chapter Summary: Worried about how his mission may go, Bucky visits a ‘touchy’ place, and recalls the short life he had with you.

° Date: 7/20

° Rating: Teen

° Word Count: 4,569

° Warning: Talks about death/dying; Reference to Suicide; Guilt; Child Abandonment; Talks of Fertility Issues; Alcohol; Allusions to Depression. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

° A/N: The only excuse I have for taking so long to get this out is because I had an expected mental health break. One that was needed. But I'm back! And I'm slowly updating some of my other stories! So be on the look out for those! Also, let me know if I missed any warnings! Enjoy!

The freshly wetted grass squished underneath his boots with each and every step. His shoulders were slacked, but his wrists were tense as he held the delicate bouquet with both of his hands. He was always nervous to be here, even though he’s done it so many times after finding it, the nervousness never went away. The nausea never stopped too… or the guilt… the fear… the sadness. Nothing ever stopped like he so desperately wanted to. Was this a curse he was stuck with for helping to bring another child into this cruel world?

He reaches the end of his line, just a few short inches away from where his toes could touch the stone; The stone etched with words and numbers that made his heart ache. And when his knees felt weak he lowered himself to the ground, sitting back on his heels. With a bittersweet expression on his features, he removes the old lilies and replaces them with your favorite, pearly white ones. The ones you always smelled like when you came back from playing in the park. Who knew he would miss such a fragrance? 

He takes a deep inhale through his nose, and exhales quietly, gathering his thoughts. “Hey, baby girl. It’s been some… time since I’ve visited. I honestly thought I should wait until your half birthday, but…” He trails off, frowning. “But uh, I’m heading off on another mission tomorrow, a… potentially dangerous one.” He chuckles dryly. “You know the deal with those.”

He pauses like he’s waiting for your answer he knows he won’t get, letting the hot summer wind touch his face and through his chocolate locks. He waited for that as his cue to continue on.

“Uh… so…”

It hurts to even think about it.

“I was just…”

Should he even say it?

“Wondering again if it goes south I can…”

Should he repeat what he always says to your grave?

“Be next to you?”

Another pause, this time it felt more painful. It always hurts to be here. It always hurts to say those words because it wasn’t like he had a death wish, it wasn’t like he was afraid of death, he just… didn’t know if he deserved to be next to you. You were his whole world and he fucked it up. Fucked it up so bad that it makes him more anxious to want to hold you, and hug you, and kiss you, and just talk to you. He loves you. 

He’s loved you since the very beginning.

.

.

.

Bucky would have fallen back in shock if it wasn’t for the small bundle in his arms. His ex-girlfriend had just said some words that he didn’t need to hear right now. Couldn’t even comprehend it.

No, it wasn’t, ‘Can we get back together? I made a mistake’.

No, It wasn’t, ‘The baby isn’t yours’.

No it was–

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” He asked, disbelief etched in his words. There was also an underlying sense of anger and betrayal, because–

She couldn’t be serious...

Right?

He watched the woman standing in front of him roll her eyes, snatching her purse from his living room’s couch while responding, “I don’t want her. I only had her because you wanted to keep the baby after finding out I was pregnant.”

He nearly doubled over when he heard the disgust in her voice. “So you’re just going to leave?” Bucky asked, seeing his ex now putting on her winter coat. “But our daughter needs a mother figu–”

“YOUR daughter.” His ex snapped, poison on her tongue. “That baby–” She points furiously. “That baby is a spitting image of you. All the way from the shape of her face to the way she smiles. Everything. Which is fine by me, I don’t want someone looking like me out in the world.”

Bucky opened his mouth to speak as he followed her behind as she walked towards the front door. Unfortunately, she beats him to it. “As for a mother figure, you’ve got three sisters and a mom. That baby can pick up skills from them.”

She swings the door open, letting in the cold breeze of February. Snowflakes flew in, sticking to her clothes and curly hair. Bucky immediately stood sideways and drew you as far away as he could from the freezing air.

(Was she trying to freeze you?!)

“Dottie!” He called out from the doorway, stopping her on the porch.

She wasn’t even going to look back at him, wasn’t she? Or even look at you? Did she truly not feel anything?

He doesn’t know why but his voice cracked, and although he and his ex’s relationship was always rocky, and they both knew that whatever was between them wasn’t going to work out, he still doesn’t want her to leave him alone with a one week old.

“Come on…” He continued, quietly. “At least stay for a couple months until I can do this on my own.” His lower lip quivered slightly. “Please?”

He felt you shift a bit in his arms, probably from the weather, and waited for her to turn around…

But she never did.

“Goodbye, James.” Dottie said, before trailing across the snow covered path to the sidewalk. 

Bucky watches her disappear into the night, his feet glued to the floor even when part of his mind told him to run after her. It would be a lie if he said that he didn’t want to go after her, thinking that maybe she’ll change her mind if actually begs, but the mere thought went out the door when you started to get fussy and cry.

Something deep within him kicked in, probably that parental instincts he’s heard about from his own parents, and all his attention was turned to you cradled in a lilac colored blanket.

“Hey…” He whispered, readjust his hold so that he could gently brush their–

No.

That’s officially gone out the window. 

It’s just his daughter. His.

He readjust his hold so that he could gently brush HIS daughter’s cheek. To brush your cheek like a soft paint brush across a canvas. “Hey. Don’t cry.” He says, soothingly.

He makes a soft shushing sound as he closes the front door with his hip, before carefully guiding himself to sit near the fireplace. He lays you cautiously in his lap, almost in awe as he sees your eyes peeking open for the first time.

(Y/E/C) eyes. 

So beautiful like the world itself. He almost wanted to start taking pictures.

Maybe later though.

He chuckles sadly, tears in his own as he brushes your cheeks again. “Don’t cry. Don’t cry, I got you.” He said, smiling down. “I got you, baby girl.”

You cooed quietly, staring back at him with a bit of curiosity. The look you were giving him melted his heart, but it also made him feel like he didn’t deserve any of this.

“I’m sorry…”  He croaks, sniffling. “It looks like it’s just going to be me and you, doll. I’m so sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”

You made the cute sounds that took his breath away again, taking up his whole surroundings. However, if it wasn’t for his military training, he probably wouldn’t have even heard someone tumbling down the stairs. Bucky glances at the living room entrance, finding a certain skinny blond that he called his best friend. He saw his chest move slightly, and could almost hear him panting from here.

“S-Sorry.” Steve exhales, leaning against the door frame. “Your mom sent me down here when we heard everything go quiet.”

Bucky smiled a little. “She got worried?”

Steve copies him with a chuckle.  “Yeah. She wanted to make sure you hadn’t run off with her grandchild.”

The brunette shakes his head. “That sounds like my mother.” He turns his attention back on you, but from the corner of his eye he could see his friend shifting uncomfortably, almost hesitantly, in his spot. His smile grows. “Come here.”

“What?” The blond said, genuinely confused. 

“Come here, Steve. You can see her.”

He stiffens up a bit, looking unsure. “H-Her… A-Are you… are you sure?” Steve asked, pointing towards the stairs in the hallway. “I-I shouldn’t be the one seeing your baby first. Shouldn’t I–”

“Get your ass over here, Rogers.” Bucky said, almost wishing he could free his hand up and drag him by the ear (he was always so timid and too cautious sometimes).

Not even daring to question his best friend’s wish, Steve wandered over and took a seat on the couch next to Bucky. He leans in close, examining the small bundle in the soldier’s arms.

Steve’s big blue eyes lit up with joy. “Wow, Buck. She’s adorable.” He said, as you scrunch up your nose to show off your cute, chubby cheeks.

“She is.” Bucky said, fighting back the stinging sensation in his eyes again. He now wonders…

(Is this what it's going to feel like all the time now?)

After a moment of silence, Bucky threw his friend through another loop. “Wanna hold her?”

Steve held his hands up in defense almost immediately after those words left his tongue. “Oh, no. I shouldn’t.”

“I trust you.” Bucky holds you out a little, a reassuring look on his face.

Steve raises a cautious eyebrow. “You sure?”

“Yes.” Bucky laughs. “I’ll show you.”

Bucky then takes his time showing Steve how to hold you, giving him pointers and readjusting everyone once and awhile until he has you in a good position. The blond’s nerves seemed to vanish into thin air when he started to see that you were looking at him with the same curious eyes you made at your father. Those eyes of yours could melt anyone’s hard shells at this point.

Steve chuckles, and grins as he gets butterflies in his stomach from you. “What’s her name?” He asks, sparing a glance at your dad for a split second. “Did Dottie ever give her one?”

Bucky shakes his head sadly. “No.” He said, his voice feeling rather small at the moment. “No she didn’t. I’m tasked with giving her one.”

“Have you thought of any? I know you were looking through some books a few weeks back.”

“I have and I think…” He takes another good look at you, making sure the name was the right choice. “I was thinking… (Y/N).”

“(Y/N)?” The blond repeats back, testing it out like an echo chamber for his friend who nodded back.

“Yeah. (Y/N).” Bucky tests it out his lips as other names start to form. “(Y/N)... Stevie Barnes.”

He looks up in surprise. “Stevie?” Steve asks in disbelief again. 

Bucky smiles. “Well, I heard Stevie is the girl version of Steve, so…”

“But…” His blue eyes look away again, looking completely torn.

Your father raises an eyebrow over this. “But what?”

“You’re flattering me way too much, Bucky.”

“Am I?” Bucky asked, tilting his head, slightly puzzled.

“Y-Yes!” Steve said, shaking his head. “Y-You can’t– You shouldn’t name your kid after me.”

Now it was his turn to be even more confused. “Why not?”

“Because, I’m– y-you have sisters! Parents. Y-You should name her after them. Not me.”

“But, Steve, you’re my brother. Besides…” Bucky shifted in his seat, knowing what he’ll say next is touchy. “I know… the doctor said you might not be able to have kids so… think of this as me… giving you a small piece of that.”

Silence befell, the subject was something that really hurt Steve when he heard it the first time; Hell, it even hurt his mother who was present at the time. It kind of haunted him for a while because what could he offer to a person who wanted to share his life? 

Steve stares at him for a while before tearing up, laughing quietly and looking away. “Jesus, Bucky. You’re making me cry.”

A chuckle. “Well don’t, ‘cause I’ll start crying again.” Bucky says, making them belly laugh. 

The blond sniffles and tests the name out on his own. “(Y/N) Stevie Barnes.” He looks back down at you, his smile returning fully. “Not bad, Buck.”

Your father looked at him teasingly. “And what’s that supposed to mean, Steven?”

“Nothing.” Steve replies, holding back another laugh as he watches you start to drift back to sleep. “I’m really happy for you, man.”

“Thanks.” 

A few moments more passed before you were carefully placed back in your father’s arms, where all he did was stare back at you as you pulled yourself to sleep. His happy face started to falter, and there was a heavy amount of doubt in his ocean blue orbs. 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do, Steve.” He finally admits before swallowing the lump in his throat. He soon felt his friend’s hand on his leg, giving it a comforting squeeze.

“You don’t have to do this alone, Bucky. You’ve got your family and you’ve got me.” Steve said, honestly. “And you know this. However, don’t doubt yourself, you got this. You’re going to be a great dad.”

Bucky’s lip curled up a bit, not caring that he was about to cry again. “Steve Rogers. The man who always knows what to say.”

“What can I say? I try.” He asked, coping with his expression.

“And you think I’ll be great? Even with me being a soldier and everything else that comes with it?” Your father asked, doubt was still just lingering on the surface no matter what he did.

Steve gives another gentle squeeze. “I know you’ll be great. I know you’ll do anything to make sure she’ll be okay. So don’t worry too much, okay? (Y/N)’s going to be lucky she has you.”

Bucky hums, truly grateful for a friend like him. 

And without an ounce of hesitation, he bends down slowly and kisses your sleeping forehead. 

“I already loved you so much, (Y/N). I hope you realize that.” He whispers, lovingly. “And I’ll do anything to make sure you’re safe.”

He swears at that moment he saw you smile.

.

.

.

Bucky brushed his flesh fingers against the words in the stone, tracing your name and important dates. February 23rd, 1936. A snowy, snowy day. Cool and crisp. Although he had to wait and wait until you were a week old to hold you, a week old to realize he was on his own, a week to realize that he truly loved you. No upcoming birthday surprises could top this one. But if he loved you so much then…

Why were you cursed to be underground?

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

When Bucky got back home to his apartment, he found himself subconsciously grabbing the bottle of scotch in his cabinet. Although he knew he couldn’t technically get drunk, the feeling he got after a couple glasses was close enough. Sometimes… he liked the quietness in his home, the time to relax, untouched and left alone to be himself; But most of the time, after so many years of being alone in his head, he loathes being alone. Friends and family were everything to him growing up. You were everything to him growing up. 

He still wonders what it would be like if you were here, running around, asking him twenty questions, painting his toes, etcetera. He always wondered what you were like when you got older, the side of you he never got to see. He always wondered what those short years did for you.

Why did he have to get taken from you so soon?

.

.

.

You dove around your grandparents and aunts’ legs as you made your way out of the house, ignoring how your father’s duffle bag, that subconsciously you hated, was laying on the porch steps. You stumble around a bit on your five year old legs, before finding the person you wanted to see. 

“Uncle Steve!!!” You yelled, throwing your arms up.

“Hey, Pumpkin.” He said, teasingly. He wastes no time to scoop you up, and carefully holds you close to him (it’s been years and he’s still afraid he’ll drop you). “Have you gotten smaller?”

You scrunched up your nose at him, shaking your head. “No.” You giggled at the silly nickname, and it all was because you were pocket size.

“No?” Steve said, tilting his head, all cocky. “Are you sure?”

You giggled again. “Yes.”

He grins. “Just checking.”

A sigh came from inside, before the two of you saw your father exiting his parents house, all dressed in his neatly ironed uniform. He looked miserable as he gazed at his bag on the porch.

“Ready?” Steve asked, readjusting his hold on you as he frowned himself.

“Unfortunately.” Bucky mumbled, not ready for what’s yet to come. However, when he faces you his whole expression changes for the better. “And there’s my little girl!”

“Papa!” You yelled, holding your arms out. He takes you in his arms, hugging you gently. “Are you leaving, Papa?”

“Oh, baby doll, I am.” He said, pulling back to look at you. “But don’t worry, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He taps your nose. “Okay?”

You nodded slowly and smiled. “Okay!”

“Good.” He gives you a big kiss on your head, before peppering your face with some more making you laugh. “I love you, (Y/N).”

“I love you, too, Papa.”

“I love you more.”

He gives you one more kiss and one more hug before transferring you over back to Steve. They both give each other a strong hug and pat on the back, smiling bittersweetly.

“Be safe, Bucky.” Steve said, trying to hide his concern.

“I will. You too. The both of you.” Bucky said, grabbing his bag and making sure his voice was stern.

“We will. I’ll keep an eye on her.”

“Thank you, Steve.” 

He bid them goodbye, and you and Steve watched him walk down the path to the military jeep parked nearby. It was chilling almost to watch, and your five year old mind couldn’t quite comprehend the heavy feeling you felt underneath the surface.

“Uncle Steve?” You asked, prying his eyes away from the moving vehicle. 

“Yeah?” He said, softly.

You looked at him all puzzled, something wasn’t adding up. “I thought you told me you were going with him?” You swear he mentioned something like that to you yesterday. Right?

His eyes look away from you, almost like he was recollecting himself before giving you his answer. “I am. But not yet.” He replies, honestly. His orbs finally meet yours again. “Not until I know you're okay.”

“Really?” You asked, tilting your head to the side with curiosity.

“Sure am.” He smiles once more. “Now, what do you want to do? You want to see what Grandpa and Grandma are doing?”

Your eyes light up at their names. “Yes!!!” 

He laughs at your enthusiasm. “Okay, okay. Let’s go see them.”

.

.

.

Bucky throws a bottle of scotch across the room, shattering somewhere. He didn’t care though. It’s not like he even batted an eye.

Five years old. 

That was it.

That’s the last time he ever saw you.

And that hurt like a bitch.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

He doesn’t know when…

But everything suddenly just…

Clicked.

Memories of his flooded in like a broken dam. He starts to recall who he was before and after the fall. Before and after the war. Before and after everything. So as he made his way to Siberia with his friend, Steve, he remembers something that was like a knife to his heart.

“I have a daughter.” Bucky said abruptly, cutting Steve off.

When he was on the run after the helicarriers fell, he remembers his time growing up in the early 1900s. The (multiple) times he saved his best friend’s ass from being picked on, or the way he took his younger siblings to the park, or helping his mother bake, or fixing the car with his dad. But there were a few memories he was confused by for a long time.

First he only heard little laughs, or someone trying to sing a child’s song. Then he saw little toys and dresses. Then he saw a little face with big, wondrous eyes. It didn’t take him long to realize who she was.

He met with his friend’s eyes quickly, almost getting choked up by an emotion that had been under lock and key for so long. “...I have a daughter… don’t I?”

Steve, who seemed taken back by his sudden string of words, opens and closes his mouth a few times, before settling his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Yes, Bucky. You do.”

Bucky looked away, the confirmation sending his mind spiraling again, and the Captain could tell. He decides to approach this carefully since he knows his friend isn’t hundred percent in his right mind yet.

“Do you remember her?” Steve asked, watching him nod slowly. “What do you remember?”

Bucky thinks long and hard about this. What did he remember about you?

“Uh… I remember she was tiny… always tiny.” He chuckles quietly, making Steve smile. “She uh… had um… (Y/H/C) hair that was kind of wavy when she got older. Um… big, bright (Y/E/C) eyes. She… she um… smiled a lot… I think?”

“Yeah, she did Buck. All the time.” Steve said, patting his shoulder gently as he could see the joy it was bringing to his friend.

Bucky laughs again. “Uh… you used to call her by a weird nickname. What was it? Uh…” He purses his lips. “Po… Potato?”

Now it was the blond’s turn to laugh. “N-No. No. Close… Starts with a P, though.”

“Um…” His eyes light a spark. “Oh. Yeah. I remember now. We took her to her first Halloween pumpkin patch when I could hold in one hand because she was so tiny.”

“Yep. That’s what I called her.” He says with a nod. “Your Ma tried to dress her up like one.”

“Oh, yeah, she did.”

And then it got quiet, and Steve saw the bright light in his friend’s eyes go out when the wheels started to turn again. He held his breath, knowing what he was recalling next.

Bucky swayed on the balls of his feet a bit, looking at the floor. “She was five the last time I saw her.” He says, bittersweetly. “I remember, the night before, I took her to Coney Island, and we just played games and ate until our bellies ached. I got her a stuffed bear on the ring toss…”

Steve squeezed his shoulder, trying to give him some comfort because he knew there was no stopping any memories of you.

“She was with you when I left. I gave her hugs, and kisses and…” His voice starts to break. “I love you’s…. Um…”

“Bucky–” Steve begins, hating how hurt he looked.

“Steve. W-Was that last time you saw h-her too?”

Steve closed his mouth, thinking to himself. He couldn’t lie. He was a terrible liar which the brunette always sees through. So what was the point of even trying?

Cap shakes his head. “No. I saw her when she was nine. ‘Bout to be nine.”

“N-Nine?” Bucky asked, just above a whisper. “W-Why?”

“Um…” He swallows. “I had to…. I had to tell your family about, you know… the train… and you.”

The Soldier went distant. “O-Oh…”

“I wanted to make sure I was the one to tell them.” 

“Oh…” Bucky started to get teary eyed. “D-Did you tell her?"

Steve held his breath again. It was like his mind started to relive that day.

You looked so happy to see him, but he watched that expression vanish when you saw his sadden face. It hurts to take you by the hand and into your room. It hurts to see how you’ve grown, and to think he got to see it and not your dad made the situation a whole lot worse.

He wanted to lie and tell you your dad was hurt. 

He wanted to lie and tell you your dad was still at war and won’t be home for a while.

He wanted to lie and say everything was going to be okay.

But he couldn’t, and felt like it was his duty to tell you what happened to your father, to his best friend.

He knew if the situation was reversed, Bucky would be doing the very same thing now.

And when he did tell you, he hated how you kept on denying it. You called him a liar, and god he wished he was.

“I-I did…” He said, feeling his eyes sting as well. 

Bucky jaw clenches. “A-And?”

Steve looks away for a second. “She cried for three hours.”

“O-Oh…” Bucky looks away too. “I always h-hated when s-she cries.”

With his hand still on the brunette shoulder, he gave him another comforting squeeze. “She…” Cap chokes, his memories flooding in all at once. “S-She um… she gave me her blanket, the one that she came home with. She um, wanted me… to promise to come back to her. But um… I failed at that, I guess.”

Bucky frowns. “Steve–"

“I tried finding her, Buck.” He finally looks at him. “When I came out of the ice, SHIELD managed to give me some of my things from the war. I kept the blanket in my chest, so… I tried finding her, because I didn’t want to break that promise to (Y/N), but…”

“You didn’t find anything?”

Steve shakes his head. “Not exactly.” He whispers, exhaling shaky. 

“Not exactly?” Bucky asked, wanting an answer. “What does that mean?”

Now it was Steve’s turn to look all messed up. Especially since he couldn’t make eye contact again. He swallows a lump in his throat and says, “I’m so sorry, Bucky…”

“Sorry about what?” Bucky couldn’t understand what was happening and it was honestly starting to scare him. “What are you sorry about?”

“(Y/N)...” He sighs quietly, and forces himself to look in his best friend’s eyes. “Pneumonia. She, uh… got pneumonia in ‘54 and passed.” 

Now the knife has dug deeper, chilling his bones too. “She’s dead?” He said, barely audible. 

“Yeah. She’s dead.” The Captain replies, dispirit. “I found the spot where she’s buried. I can take you there if you–”

“Thank you, Steve.” The soldier says, ignoring the blond’s confused state. “I mean it. You were always so good to her, and to think you never stopped looking after all this time means A LOT to me. Do you understand? You helped my daughter when she was at her lowest, and you even found her for me. I thank you for that.”

Steve smiles bittersweetly. “No need to. I said I’ll always be there for the both of you.”

Bucky returns the gesture. “As will I.”

“Now, let’s finish this, shall we?”

.

.

.

“-Bucky.” Steve says, touching his shoulder and getting a small jolt from the man. Surprised eyes fell on him as he returned with concerned ones. “You ready?”

“Uh…” Bucky looked around quickly, remembering it was standing in the locker room changing. He didn’t even realize he had zoned out. “Y-Yeah.” He said, zipping up the front of his Quantum Suit. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

Steve tilts his head, the worriedness never vanishing. “You sure?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “Let’s get this mission completed.”

And those were the words that would change -everything-.

(TBC)

-Taglist Is Open-

@navs-bhat @liarasstuff @justmewoo @thed1v1n3

@luckyzipperscissorsbat @like-a-domino @kissesofdeadforme

@audigay

#bucky barnes x daughter!reader #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x teen!reader #steve rogers x child!reader #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x teen!reader #bucky barnes x child!reader #james bucky barnes #steve rogers #sam wilson x teen!reader #steve rogers x natasha romanoff #romanogers #natasha romanoff x teen!reader #tony stark x teen!reader #time travel #marvel au #bucky barnes au #marvel cinematic universe #mcu #my fanfic writing #my fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #skyfallwrites

[cowboyhorsegirl]

Favourite sineala fanfic

🔫🔪🔫🔪🔫🔪cruel and unusual to try and make me pick just one so here's five six (in no particular order)

Mercy in You

When Tony comes back from a very bad D/s date, in pain and abandoned by his dom, Steve offers to help Tony out and give him all the aftercare he so desperately needs.

How to Date a Robot

How do you date a robot? Even the twenty-first century doesn't have the answers to every question. Steve will have to figure this one out for himself -- after he politely rebuffs Mr. Stark's interest, of course. Sure, Mr. Stark is handsome, but Steve would rather be with his bodyguard. So when Iron Man agrees to go on a date with Steve, Steve couldn't be happier. He loves Iron Man with all of his heart, and their relationship rapidly grows serious. But why does Mr. Stark hate Iron Man so much? And why in the world is Mr. Stark trying to tear Steve and Iron Man apart?

Not So Secret Anymore

When Steve's laptop isn't working right, Tony offers to fix it for him, and he quickly discovers the problem: computer viruses. He also discovers a fairly large amount of porn. Gay porn. But that can't be Steve's gay porn, surely. Captain America doesn't have hundreds of gigabytes of gay porn. A virus must have put it there. Clearly the best thing to do is to delete all of this gay porn that doesn't belong on Steve's computer and then they'll never have to have a conversation about it and Steve will definitely never find out about the massive crush Tony has on him. Good idea. This plan is perfect. Right up until Tony gets an email from Steve, asking if he could please have his collection of homosexual pornography back now.

Never Too Late for Love

Steve has always believed that a soulbond is a blessing -- a rare and beautiful miracle, joining the thoughts and feelings of two people forever, from the first time they touch. Steve knows he's not going to be one of the lucky ones. He knows Gail isn't his soulmate. But he loves her, even if they're not soulmates, and he's going to do right by her. After the war's over, he's going to marry her, and they're going to settle down. They'll buy a house. They'll have children. He'll see his family again. Maybe Bucky will live next door. It's going to be a good life. He doesn't need a soulbond. He'll be fine without one. Then Steve wakes up sixty years in the future to find that his wonderful life has moved on without him. His family is long dead. His fiancée married his best friend. And the only purpose he has left is leading the Ultimates, a misbegotten team of superheroes with flaws too numerous to count. Steve hates everything about the future -- but most of all he detests Tony, flashy and flirtatious, who embodies everything Steve hates about a world he never wanted to live in. And, oh, yeah, Steve has a soulmate after all: Tony fucking Stark.

Thrust Issues (specifically chapter 8) ((more specifically the last half of chapter 8))

A battle gone wrong leads Tony to the unexpected and pleasant discovery that Steve is much more well-endowed than he could ever have imagined. But when Tony learns that Steve has never actually been able to sleep with anyone because of his size, Tony does what any good friend would do: he offers to relieve Steve of his virginity. Personally. Tony's determined, Tony's methodical, and Tony has a plan. He's going to get Steve laid. Tony just needs to make sure Steve never finds out that Tony's in love with him.

Man is a Wolf to Man (that's right it's capwolf time!!)

When Antonius is falsely accused and convicted of murdering an ambassador, he is condemned to death by the wild beasts of the arena. But the wolf sent to kill him is something rather more than he ever expected.

#who am i kidding though every time i wanna just read chapter 8 of thrust issues i end up reading chapters 9 & 10 too #this should be an ask meme though. like send me a fic author and i'll send you a list of my fave works from them #that would be fun if i wasn't god awful at answering things in a timely manner (i'm sorry!) #fic! #stevetony #signed sealed delivered #yanderefreud #btw i hope u know you are legally obligated to tell me your fave sine fics now🔫🔪

[voxofthevoid]

*comes stumbling in, trips, falls, and lands on face*

I...I did it! I binged the JJK manga! Wait what time is it? What day? *squinting at clock* Huh? Really? How am I still alive????

This is werewolf anon. I'm only slightly sleep deprived and feral. Slightly. (It's a lie. I'm a liar. Nanami, please come pull my hair and punish me.)

I...I honestly don't even know what to say. SO MUCH HAPPENED. I was not ready for where the anime is at with the Shibuya arc to the culling game and Gojo and Megumi and Yuuji and Sukuna and GOJO. GOJO. GIMME BACK MY GOJO YOU FUCKERS-

*incoherent screeching followed by the thud of an exhausted body hitting the ground*

I think the last time I felt such a build up and WTF WHAT DO YOU MEAN was when Steve got on that fucking time travel platform and abandoned Bucky- *gunshot*

No way that Gojo is gone for good??? HOW??? Surely the author is just fucking with us? If Dragon Ball can revive Goku and Vegeta a bunch, why not Gojo- *more gunshots*

Well FUCK. You did warn me it was going to be hellish so I got no one to blame for my self-flagellation of the JJK manga. But goddamn, I was not expecting that!!! 😫😫😫😫😫😫 What do I do now??? Why must the mangaka torment us this way???

And damn I'm sorry to hear people were shitty and tried to block evade you through submissions. WTF. Why can't people operate with some fucking decency? But I appreciate you saying you were cool with me leaving a link. I'm sure I'm not the first person who probably thought of this joke but hey hopefully you get a giggle out of it. I sure needed it after my JJK manga binge spiral lol!

https://i.postimg.cc/SsdyLYGJ/Go-To-Horny-Jail-Yuuji.png

Hopefully next time you see me in your ask box, I won't be the husk of a human being. 😵

*gives you blankets and water* I Get It, Friend.

I was not even remotely kidding about the hell part. I caught up with the manga around the time Yuki+Choso versus Kenjaku was happening, and then I kept up with the weekly releases religiously. Chapter 236 (The Great Bisection) had me in a funk for two whole weeks. I still can't think too much or hard about it without getting real pissed off, and the only saving grace is that it's better than being sad.

I like character deaths, is the thing! I love them—when they're done well. Go/jo was a travesty. The comparison to Steve is apt, honestly, because the favoring of an idealized past at the expense of the present and the human connections (existing and potential) there is one of my main issues with both Steve's time travel and Gojou's airport purgatory behavior.

The main difference on my end is that Steve was my favorite character, so Endgame made me drop the whole franchise. In JJK, Yuuji's my favorite, so I'm still invested to an insane degree.

But yes, even when Gege is at their best, they torment us (and Yuuji, mostly) for shits and giggles. Most of the time, I even enjoy it! Stick around for more pain 🤗

The picture did make me laugh! Here, for the people:

I'm putting him in horny jail. With Gojou. And Nanami. And a few others. Might defeat the purpose, but ah well. He deserves all the hole.

In the time it's taken me to answer this (been a fever-ridden husk myself the last week), I hope you're humaned up!

#werewolf anon #anon #i love my anons #jjk spoilers

[sjsmith56]

Hope, Chapter 15 - Eyes of the Father

Summary: It’s been five years since the Blip and Lacey is still on the farm. When she receives word that there is a plan to bring everyone back she begins to hope.

Length: 4.9 K

Characters: Lacey, Terry, Tommy, the Bartons, Natasha, Steve, Bucky, Sharon Carter.

Warnings: Loss of friends. Bucky is delayed before he comes to the farm, causing issues for Lacey and Tommy.

Author notes: This takes place during The Avengers: End Game.

<<Chapter 14

🫰🚜

Four years later

Tommy Chapman wrote down the last spelling word and looked at his mother. "That was a hard word," he said. "Are you sure that was grade 3 level?"

"It was grade 5 level," she stated, looking over his sheet. "You spelled it right just like all the other grade 5 level words I've ever given you. You're smart, Tommy. Don't ever forget that."

"What's the point of being smart if I'm stuck here all the time?" he asked. "Couldn't I go to regular school and at least have some friends?"

Lacey sighed. "We've talked about this. It's not safe."

"For me or for the other kids? I wouldn't use my strength against anyone, Mom. Ever. I wouldn't be a bully."

"I know," she agreed. "You're a good kid. But all it would take is one slip up and someone could say something to the wrong person. You know there were a couple of men asking about me in town, right? If they see you they'll know whose son you are because you look just like your dad."

The boy's face turned red. Five years since his Dad was killed by Thanos and there were still people looking for his mom, because they figured out she had Bucky Barnes' child. Why couldn't they just leave them alone? He got up off the chair and went to the door.

"I'm going to the treehouse," he said. "I want to be alone."

She nodded her assent and walked to the door, watching as he ran to the other side of the property in seconds. It wasn't fair, she knew, but Phil Coulson had figured the CIA were looking again, especially since she published her third book. Once they knew she hadn't turned to dust they started searching for her again. Terry walked in from the barn.

"What's wrong with Tommy?" he asked. "He left here in a hurry."

"He asked about going to regular school again," she answered. "He's lonely for kids his own age."

"Which he can't because of the two men asking about you in town," said Terry. "I feel for him."

"When he was little he had Nathaniel Barton," said Lacey. "It helped him and they had such fun together. Fuck, I hate what Thanos did. No one's happy because nearly everyone lost a loved one. Nothing's been the same since."

"It brought us closer," noted Terry. "Just saying, little sister."

Lacey smiled. "It did. About the only good thing to come out of it."

A text message on her phone alerted her and she took off out of the house yelling for Tommy. Terry ran to catch up.

"What is it?" he yelled as he ran behind her.

"Someone trying to enter the property," she called back. "Wong got an alert from the protection spell he put on the perimeter."

Tommy appeared and ran to her. "What?" he asked.

"We have to go to the house, now," she said. "Someone is trying to get onto the property."

They ran back and entered the house where Lacey texted back. A portal opened and Wong beckoned them through then he laid a spell on the property, making it look abandoned and stepped back into the portal, closing it behind him. Lacey, Tommy, and Terry found themselves at the base of a grand staircase in a building. Wong looked at them.

"Welcome to the New York Sanctum," he said in his understated way. "That was close. I've made it look like the farm is abandoned. Unless they have a sorcerer with them they shouldn't be able to tell it's a spell. Let's see who they are."

He brought up another portal that remained invisible on the other side and they watched a dark SUV entering the property from the highway. It pulled up to the driveway between the barn and the house and two men got out. Both were armed with handguns and had them drawn as they looked through the property. Then they returned to the vehicle and the rear passenger door opened. A woman got out but her face was covered by a hood.

"I thought you said that she lived here, with a blue eyed boy," the woman said to one of the men. "This place looks abandoned."

The man she addressed looked embarrassed. "He must have lied," he replied. "I could go back and shake him down. She picks up her mail at the post office in another town nearby. We could take her there."

"Don't bother," said the woman. "My SHIELD contact said she's very protective of the boy. We would have to take both of them alive to make either of them cooperate."

Lacey looked at Wong in alarm. "She has a SHIELD contact who told her about me and Tommy?" she whispered. "What the hell? Who told her in town that I lived there and that I picked up my mail at the post office?"

"Let me get a close up of her licence plate," said Wong and he read it out loud as a pen and paper pad appeared out of nowhere to write it down.

The woman walked into the house and looked around, checking out the books. She stopped and looked at a particular one, pulling it off the shelf before putting it back next to a picture. Wong focussed the portal on the book and Lacey gasped, as it was her third book and it was next to a picture of Clint and his family, from the day the photographer came to take her author picture for her second book. Then the woman turned and left the house, lowering her hood before she got back into the SUV. Wong used magic to take a picture of her and they watched as the men got back in and the vehicle left the farm.

"We need to show this to someone," he said. "I'm reluctant to show it to anyone at SHIELD in case they're compromised. Who else do you trust?"

"Natasha," said Lacey, without hesitation.

"Not Steve Rogers, or Colonel Rhodes or Phil Coulson?" asked Wong.

"She's a beautiful woman," replied Lacey. "They might not see past that. Natasha is ... incorruptible."

"Okay," declared Wong. "Let's see where Miss Romanoff is."

Wong waved his arms around in the air, bringing up all sorts of shapes and diagrams of light. Tommy watched, entranced at the process. Then Wong gave a grim smile and opened another portal which they all went through. It opened into a ballet studio where a solitary person was practicing at the barre. She saw the portal opening behind her via the mirror and turned around to face them.

"Well, you know my secret," said Natasha. "I do this to work off anxiety. I've been here a lot lately. What's so important that you had to portal in?"

"Someone came onto the farm, with guns, looking for me and Tommy," said Lacey. "She knew about us. Said her SHIELD contact told her about us."

Lacey handed Natasha the picture and the Black Widow looked up in alarm. "She was there with armed people looking for you? Did she say anything?"

"That both Lacey and Tommy would have to be taken alive for them both to cooperate," replied Terry. "You know her."

"I do know her," said Natasha grimly. "Did you tell Steve or the others about this?"

"No, I figured you were the one who would be least impressed by a pretty face," said Lacey. "Who is she?"

"Sharon Carter," said Natasha. "Former SHIELD agent who joined the CIA then went underground after she helped Steve, Sam, and Bucky get out of Berlin. We thought she disappeared in the Blip."

"She knows it was Clint's farm as well," said Lacey. "She went into the house and looked at the books on the bookshelf, picked out my third one then noticed it was next to a picture of Clint and the family."

"Damn, it might not be safe to stay there anymore. If someone from SHIELD talked to her they might not know she's switched sides. Because I'm pretty sure that's what's happened." Natasha took a deep breath, then looked at Wong. "Can they stay temporarily at the Sanctum?"

"Yes," he said hesitantly. "But they could be affected by the magic going on there."

"I know," she replied. "I have to figure something out and find out who told her about Lacey and Tommy. Give me a day."

Wong also gave Natasha the licence plate information and opened another portal to the Sanctum. He escorted them to a room then used magic to turn it into a hotel suite of two bedrooms, one with two beds and one with a single bed.

"You can stay here tonight," he said. "I'll come get you for dinner later. You can look out the windows as they are invisible to the outside. I will send one of you with a sorcerer to the house to get some clothes later. Want to make sure that no one returns there first."

"Thank you, Wong," said Lacey, gratefully.

"Hmmm," was his answer and he made himself scarce.

Later, after dinner Terry went with a sorcerer and came back with a backpack jammed with clothes for each of them. He also brought Lacey's laptop. Wong promised that a couple of sorcerers would monitor the farm to make sure Carter and her gunmen didn't return. The following morning there was a knock at the door of their suite. Wong called through to say it was him.  He was followed by Natasha and Coulson. Lacey stood up and placed herself in front of Tommy.

"I don't blame you for not trusting me," said Coulson, raising his hands in surrender. "This is on me, completely. We ran the licence plate of the SUV and checked traffic cam files. It was one of the two vehicles that followed us after your Mother's funeral. It means Carter has been looking for you for some time. She was someone that Nick Fury trusted when she was at SHIELD but it appears she went underground and became involved with a criminal known as the Power Broker in Madripoor. We think she's been selling SHIELD and CIA secrets to him while staying completely off the radar."

"Why would she want me and Tommy?" asked Lacey.

"There was a rumour the Power Broker wanted an army of super soldiers to be his enforcers," said Coulson. "We've been trying to verify it but when I asked Sharon about it when I last saw her she said he lost his top scientist in the Blip and wasn't working on it anymore. She brought up keeping Bucky Barnes' kid safe so the Power Broker couldn't get to him and use his blood to create more serum. I should have asked her how she knew but instead, like an idiot I said he and his mother were safe. Then I said how protective you were of him. I shouldn't have trusted that she was still loyal to SHIELD. I assumed she had advised the Avengers she didn't disappear in the Blip. That was my mistake and I'm sorry."

"So what are you going to do about her?" asked Lacey angrily. "We've lived on that farm for almost 9 years without a problem. Now, suddenly, we're homeless."

"We're going to find her and arrest her," promised Coulson. "As for the farm ... I think you can go back there. We have some technology that can disguise your faces. Natasha has used it before. We have a couple of shape shifting Inhumans that can impersonate you elsewhere and keep her people running in circles."

"Not good enough," said Lacey. "Do you know who in town told her we lived at the farm?"

Natasha looked away then at Coulson and shrugged. "It was a farmer that sells you straw bales," said Coulson. "Jack Manning."

"I'll kill him," blurted Lacey. "I will literally kill him. He already charges me more than he does other farmers. Then he doesn't even put them in the barn, leaving it for us to do."

"We can take care of him," said Coulson. "Mac has volunteered to make an official visit to him. You know how intense he can be. I'll be with him as well and together we will make him regret ever saying anything. Unfortunately we can't do much more because officially the farm doesn't exist and neither do you."

"There's one other thing," said Natasha. "I wasn't supposed to say anything but I think you need to know. We may have a chance to reverse the Snap. I can't say much more about how but we rounded up all the remaining Avengers to make it happen. We're going to bring everyone back. If we succeed you need to be at the farm for when Laura and the kids return."

"When?" asked Lacey. "When will you do this?"

"Tomorrow to get the stones then the reversal the next day," replied Natasha. "I already found Clint. Bruce convinced Thor. We're getting the stones and then we'll reverse the Snap and make sure that no one who was born since then is lost. Everyone that was killed because of the Snap itself will return. So go back to the farm and when Laura returns you get her to call Clint so that he knows she's back."

Natasha started crying and Lacey hugged her, then cupped Nat's face between her hands as she nodded her head. She agreed to go back to the farm that day. After breakfast, Wong confirmed there were no further incursions on the farm. He opened a portal to it so Terry, Lacey and Tommy could walk through to the farm as they had left it before Wong put the abandoned spell on it. They all wore the electronic masks that Coulson gave them earlier. It changed their hair, eye colour and faces completely. They wore them throughout the day and only took them off when they went to bed. The following day they wore them again. It was mid afternoon when Laura, Lila, Cooper, and Nathaniel suddenly reappeared out near the picnic table. Lacey disengaged the mask and ran to Laura, hugging her hard.

"Do you have your phone?" she demanded. "Call Clint, right now."

"What happened?" asked Laura.  "Where's Clint?  We were having a picnic."

"I'll tell you but you have to phone Clint right now," said Lacey, beginning to cry. "Please just do it."

Laura pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialled Clint. It rang several times, then she heard his voice. He said "Honey" twice then the call was dropped and she looked at Lacey, confused.

"What the hell is going on?" she asked, then she looked beyond Lacey to where Tommy had run up, his nano mask in his hand. "Why is Tommy older? And who is he?"

She pointed at Terry. Lacey held her again for a few moments. "You've been gone for 5 years," she said. "There was a battle against an extraterrestrial in Wakanda and he had the power that allowed him to snap half of the world's population out of existence. You, Lila, Cooper and Nathaniel turned to dust. Clint went off the deep end and left me here. This is Terry, my older brother. He came to live with me and provide what protection he could. Tommy is now almost 8 years old. Your kids are the same age as when they disappeared."

Laura dialled Clint again but it went to voice mail and she looked at her phone with frustration. "Why doesn't he answer?" she asked.

Lacey's phone rang and she answered it. "Wong!" she exclaimed. "Laura Barton and her kids are back. What's going on?" She listened for a moment. "What? How? What are you going to do?" With wide eyes she looked at Laura as she relayed Wong's message. "The extraterrestrial, Thanos, is back and he just destroyed Avengers headquarters. The sorcerers are trying to gather all the soldiers and Avengers who reappeared and re-arm them. Then they're all going to the battlefield. Come on, it should be on TV."

They all ran to the house and turned the TV on. Most of the channels had news helicopters filming from the sky. It was chaotic as they had to avoid being shot at themselves. Through the smoke and fires they both saw that the Avengers compound was completely destroyed. The immense size of Thanos' spacecraft as well as the creatures that came out of it running rampant over the destruction was frightening. On the TV they saw Thanos, with his army, standing off against Iron Man, Thor and Captain America. It looked like once again Thanos would defeat them then all sorts of portals began opening behind the three Avengers and more Avengers came out, then other armies of humans, and aliens. In the sky portals opened and strange flying craft appeared. Tommy stood beside Lacey watching all of this then touched her arm.

"Is Dad alive?" he asked, hopefulness tinging his voice.

She looked at him then hugged him hard. "Yes, he's alive, somewhere there," she said, almost crying. "Now he has to fight again along with all the others."

They watched it all for hours; the back and forth, the wave after wave of attacks, the destruction of Thanos' spacecraft then came word that the alien invader had been defeated but at a cost, as Tony Stark had perished after successfully snapping Thanos and his forces out of existence. Both Laura and Lacey cried when that was announced. As the smoke cleared from the battlefield the news helicopters that were still flying showed the extent of the death and destruction. More portals were opened allowing many of the participants in the battle to return to their homes.   Nothing was heard from the Avengers and the women wondered if there had been more deaths not announced.

The following morning a quinjet flew over the house drawing the attention of the Barton kids as they ran out to the yard, approaching it after it landed. Clint came down the ramp and joyfully hugged his kids then seeing Laura walking across their yard went to her and kissed his wife tenderly. Lacey, who hoped Bucky was with him came up after with a questioning look.

"He wanted to come but there were some important things that he and Steve had to do first," said Clint. "He plans to turn himself in as well."

"Bucky said before that he was going to do that," replied Lacey. "I just wish he came to meet Tommy in person, first."

"There's one other thing," said Clint. "Natasha ... she didn't make it. She was killed before the battle while we were acquiring the stones. She's gone."

"Shit," whispered Lacey and she began to cry then she looked anxiously at Clint. "Did she tell you about Sharon Carter before she died?"

"No, what about her?" asked Clint.

"She came here looking for me and Tommy, with a couple of gunmen," said Lacey. "She works for a criminal called the Power Broker."

Clint grabbed Lacey's arm and pulled her away. "That's impossible," he said quietly so Laura and the kids wouldn't hear. "I killed him, in Madripoor, a year ago. When was this?"

"A few days ago," said Lacey, just as quietly. "Phil Coulson told her about me and Tommy, believing her to still be loyal to SHIELD. Turns out she's been looking for us all along. I don't think you killed the real Power Broker, Clint. Coulson said there is a rumour the Power Broker wants super soldiers for his own personal army."

"You're sure it was her?" he asked. "She was SHIELD then she joined the CIA after the HYDRA files were released. She helped Steve, Sam and Bucky get out of Berlin."

"You can ask Wong and Coulson if you don't believe me," said Lacey, angrily. "Her men talked to Jack Manning. He told them Tommy and I were here at the farm. They showed up here with guns to take us by force. Thank God Wong had a protection spell on the place. It gave us enough warning for him to portal us to the Sanctum in New York."

Clint looked down at the ground. "I'm sorry," he said, ashamed. "I should never have left you here unprotected. Losing Laura and the kids made me spiral and I lost it. You kept my farm going and I owe you so much for that."

He watched Lacey's face as all sorts of emotions played across it. "I don't know what to do," she finally admitted. "I thought for sure that Bucky would come with you. All along he's said he wants to be with us and instead he stays to talk with Steve?"

"I'm sure you were part of the conversation," replied Clint, trying to soothe her. "Look, he's been gone for 5 years and when they reappeared they were thrown right back into the fight. He's still getting his bearings. They both know that you're here. Give him a chance."

She nodded and watched as Clint returned to his family. Both Terry and Tommy came to her and watched the happy reunion. Taking Tommy by the hand she walked towards his treehouse while Terry followed. When they got there she looked at them both.

"I thought Bucky would come with Clint but he stayed to do some things with Steve," said Lacey, sombrely. "He also plans to turn himself in. I don't know what's going to happen with any of it."

She opened her mouth to speak some more but nothing came out except sobs as she began to cry. Tommy hugged her and Terry put his arm around her shoulders. It was hard for both of them to watch this woman who had been strong for so long break down in front of them. An hour later it was Terry who looked up to see two men walking across the pasture towards them. One he recognized as Steve and the other, with long dark hair and a beard was unknown to him but with a start he realized it was likely Bucky.

"Stay here," he said to Tommy, as he stood up and began walking towards them.

"Terry, this is Bucky Barnes," said Steve when they were just a few feet apart.

Terry punched Bucky in the face, catching him off guard. It staggered him and Bucky touched his cheek in response.

"That's for making my sister cry," said Terry angrily. "You don't deserve her or Tommy. She expected you hours ago but it was more important for you to have a talk with him first?"

"Terry, that's my fault," said Steve, putting his hand on Terry's arm. "He wanted to come right away but I needed to talk to him first for my own reasons. Don't be angry with him. Be angry with me."

Terry shook off Steve's hand and still glared at Bucky. "I agree," said Bucky quietly. "I don't deserve her or Tommy. You've been on your own taking care of them while I was dust. That's something I likely will never be able to repay. I'm just asking that you let me see her and my son now. Please."

With a grimace Terry stepped aside and stood with Steve while Bucky walked towards the treehouse. As he got closer he could feel his anxiety level increase when Tommy stepped protectively in front of Lacey, glaring at Bucky with anger in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," said Bucky to the boy. "I should have come here sooner with Clint. You're right to be angry with me. I thought a few hours wouldn't make much difference but I was wrong."

"You made Mom cry," accused Tommy. "We've been here waiting for you my whole life. We needed you."

"Do you want to hit me?" asked Bucky. "You're welcome to do it. So many things have kept me away that I couldn't overcome and instead of coming right away when I could I put my best friend first instead of the woman I love and the son she gave me. So if hitting me will help you get over how much you hate me right now then hit away. I can take it."

Tommy approached Bucky and took a fighting stance, looking angrily at the man he had loved through their conversations on a computer screen. Bucky kneeled impassively waiting for his son to act. Then he saw the tears forming in Tommy's eyes and pulled him into his arms, enveloping him in an embrace.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, feeling all sorts of emotions as he held his son for the first time. "I should have been here sooner but I'm here now."

He continued to hold Tommy for a long time until the boy stopped crying then Bucky looked fondly at his son's face, touching his hair and cheeks. Tommy looked back at his mother, stepping aside as she stood up and faced Bucky who now stood before her with his head bowed. Lacey's eyes were red and puffy. She was sniffing loudly and wiped her nose with the back of her hand, having nothing else on hand. Neither of them said a word for the longest time. Then Bucky reached out with his flesh hand and gently touched Lacey's cheek.

"I still love you," he whispered. "Do you still love me?"

"No, I hate you," she replied quickly. "I hate that for five years I couldn't see your stupid face on my phone. I hate your beard and your long hair. I hate that you chose to fight a crazy alien instead of being here with us. Most of all I hate that it's not over because you're going to turn yourself in and probably go to jail instead of running away to another country with me and Tommy, and living a life on the run. I hate all of it ...."

"No you don't," said Bucky gently, stepping closer and putting his arm around her waist to draw her in closer. "You love me. You missed me. I'll cut my hair and my beard. You know that I had to fight. Just like you know that I'm done with running. We're almost there, Lacey ... almost at the point where we can be a family. We just have to go through a little more separation, a little more long distance relationship, and a little more loneliness so that we can have a lifetime together."

As he spoke Bucky lowered his face closer to her so that by the time he finished speaking his lips were just inches from hers. When their lips finally met her arms went around him as tightly as his did around her. After they broke apart Bucky looked for Tommy and put his arm out to him so he could hold them both. Steve patted Terry on the back.

"Let's give them some alone time," he said. "They have a lot of catching up to do."

"He still doesn't deserve them," muttered Terry but he went with Steve.

Bucky sat in the treehouse, looking with emotion at both Lacey and Tommy, still not quite believing that they were finally together. "We have a couple of days here before Tony Stark's memorial," he said. "Then Steve has to take some things back to the past so the timeline isn't affected. Bruce and Rocket are rebuilding the time machine that Thanos destroyed so once that's ready he's going. I am turning myself in but the lawyer has already negotiated a conditional pardon for me. It means I have to live in the New York area for a while while I undergo a psychiatric assessment then therapy to make sure I'm not a psychotic killer. I would like it if you lived with me there but things might be hectic for a while with court appearances and such so if you can stay here or even buy another farm then that would be better. It would keep you out of the public eye because there are still people who don't think I should be free."

"I haven't talked to Clint or Laura yet," said Lacey. "Maybe I should look at another farm but it was something I kind of wanted to do together as a family."

"I want to go to school," stated Tommy. "Real school, with a teacher."

"I've been homeschooling him," explained Lacey. "It was safer but he's been lonely for friends his own age."

"Once I'm done all of my legal commitments I'll protect you both," said Bucky. "Tommy can go to real school then. Terry, that's your brother right? He can still live with us but I don't think he likes me."

"Don't worry about him," replied Lacey. "He was just being protective. He'll come around."

She took Bucky's hands in her own. Tommy put his hands on theirs and they all smiled with anticipation at each other. For now they were together. There were still going to be some issues for a while but they all knew that a life together was coming. They just had to get through some things first.

Chapter 16>>

Series Masterlist

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #buckybarnes original female character #steve rogers #sharon carter #clint barton #laura barton #natasha romanoff #avengers endgame

[moontheoretist]

Civil War as an Autistic Showdown

I just realized that me relating to Steve when it comes to my past awful behavior and beliefs that he also displays in the movies is a direct result of autistic traits. More specifically, the so-called “strong autistic sense of justice” that isn’t a “sense of justice” per se, but in essence it’s an idea of “what we perceive as justice” or “what we perceive as unfair” which can be on point or can be completely screwed into very bad direction.

I was taking the idea that Steve is autistic under consideration all along, but now, when I noticed several autistic people talking about our sense of justice not meaning we are always right or morally good, gave me the confidence that I wasn’t wrong in my approach to that trait. I used to be a bigoted person. I used to be an abuser who didn’t even know they were abusing people, because abuse was so normal to me due to my family giving me an idea that abuse is care that it was just hard to notice that me trying to police other people out of “care” in order to make them fit better with the society and struggle less was just abuse. I also had an inflated ego and sense of myself. From one side I saw myself as humble and mediocre, but from the other side I saw myself as someone who was very close to being perfect and working for becoming the perfectly good person.

Spoiler: I wasn’t. And I can see the same behavior in Steve. That’s why I’m so critical of him. Because I went through all this bullshit before, and I know that he isn’t right, that he needs to change. The issue is that to snap out of it is not so easy. People just telling you that what you do is bad when you strongly believe that what you do is just, will simply mean that you will dismiss everybody until the time your brain is ready to accept that you were doing wrong all along.

And that can take years without any strong wake-up call like the one Tony got in Iron Man 1. Tony went years doing bad things and either not realizing or not caring that he did bad things, because as far as he knew he was doing something just and fair as it was what his father and Obadiah taught him. That making weapons and selling them is just because it protects the country and its soldiers (Rhodey being a military man himself and his belief that they need Tony’s weapons only reinforced it), and it doesn’t matter what anybody else says.

Tony was lucky to get the wake-up call, even thought what happened to him was horrific, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Still, he needed that wake-up call. He needed to shift the paradigm and realize that he was in the wrong. Steve also needs that, but despite many opportunities in the MCU, Steve never actually got a proper wake-up call. Fall of SHIELD was one of those opportunities, but for reasons established before in the First Avenger, instead of waking him up, it only radicalized him more and convinced him more that what he believes was right and that everything else is wrong. The Civil War arc was another moment like this. After what happened in Leipzig (Rhodey’s injury) and in Siberia, he should have realized that what he believes is not entirely right, but MCU never allows him to. Then another opportunity was Infinity War just after Avengers lost to Thanos and realized how truly hopeless they all were, and once again he doesn’t realize that he was in the wrong, because after Endgame he comes back to his past, which to him is a safe space, where he is always right, nobody except Peggy or Bucky challenges him and even when Peggy does, she is always on his side, while Bucky is no longer there to be a pain in his ass (not to mention that MCU abandoned Bucky’s initial role as pushback to Steve’s idiocy from the first scenes of the First Avenger and made him into another yes man). So yeah, I guess we can see Civil War as a War between two autistic men, from which only one realized that their “sense of justice” was screwed.

That this trait isn’t some magical superpower to spot bullshit.

That it can be as good as it can be bad.

#mcu critical #mcu meta #mcu steve rogers critical #mcu tony stark #mcu steve rogers #autistic tony stark #autistic steve roggers #strong sense of justice #autism traits

[ceasarslegion]

I love to hate on fanon Tony interpretations please tell me more about what u disagree on. Cuz literally, what's all that about lmao

Oh boy where do i start!

I think my favourite/s fanon tony stark interpretation is the one where he's just a straight up fascist because he (checks notes) wanted to have superheroes regulated through international law like WMDs are. And how apparently, this means he wants everybody under the thumb of the state. I know this is the no reading comprehension website but cmon guys, are we forgetting that his entire character arc was about realizing that the weapons' manufacturer that made him rich had ripple effects? Are you really surprised that the guy who saw firsthand the realities of modern warfare and what those weapons do to people was particularly hyper-aware of the collateral damage the Avengers caused, accidental or otherwise, and lobbied to keep them in check with international law? And how in the fuck does that equal "he wants to take away everybody's liberties under the state!!"???

Another thing that grinds my gears is when people act like Tony attacking Bucky was this wholly evil action, as if he didn't just find out that the man who killed his parents (who he already had a deeply complicated relationship with) was standing right in front of him being defended by a man who he thought was his friend only to abandon him the second their personal politics didn't line up on one issue. Don't get me wrong, I also think Steve Rogers is someone who is similarly misinterpreted and I understand his actions in the context of his character, but jesus christ guys, do you seriously think he was the good guy there? Do you really think Tony should have just gone "oh you're harboring the international fugitive who, as far as I know right now, slaughters innocents for the soviets and murdered my parents, thereby being the direct reason I grew up without my complicated trauma surrounding them ever being resolved? After posturing at me for the last two hours about how everything I think is wrong and creating an irreparable fissure between me and the only real friends I ever had? And you never told me you knew, when you knew all this time? Well thats okay then! I forgive you!"

And i have to throw an honourable mention to "it's problematic to like rich people!!" well i hate to break this to you but tony stark is in fact Not Real

#marvel

[astxrwar]

graydark bucky content with more overt murder/violence vibes under the cut.

deranged!bucky x clinical psych grad student RC who’s maybe like. a friend of peter parkers or sumn. asked to provide off-the-books not-technically-therapy because he has problems with authority + acts way too antagonistic towards Official Therapists with their fancy doctorates and established practices and shit. Tony (everyone lives au for simplicity’s sake. steve imo fucked off to the woods to do art, maybe got a girlfriend or something, Does Not Do That (superhero stuff) Anymore, so i can still play around w the abandonment theme) offers to personally fund her thesis + pay her to the tune of 80k/year which is like. hell yes!! grad students make like below minimum wage when the salary is divided by typical work hours.

I just want more weird thriller vibes with Attraction That RC Should Probably Not Be Feeling but this time with kind of mean!bucky. he’s not like. actually uncaring he’s just struggling with reconciling Enjoying Killing People with like. being a not-evil person, and he’s actively hostile to the idea of giving a shit about anybody for a lot of reasons. but anyway the Plot Elements im thinking about are 1. she def tells him about her life in an attempt to Connect and he straight-up hunts down and kills a past abuser; she doesn’t know for a fact that it was him but like. her gut knows. 2. stalking. oops. i feel like it’s a given for any flavor of deranged!bucky because of the whole WS history, 3. showing up maybe at her college when she’s walking to her car in the evening paranoid she’s gonna get him sent back to prison because atp he’s opened up about the Enjoying Murder thing. which leads to a fucked up kidnapping road trip getting-together fusion. emphasis on the fucked up.

particularly imagining a scene where they stop at a truck stop or something after it’s already been established she’s not going to try to run or call for help because Bucky would probably just. kill whoever’s unfortunate enough to get involved if he thought he was under threat of jail time. anyway he tells her to stay in the car because it’s really late at night and shady as fuck and she Doesn’t and gets cornered by some dude being gross and giving sexual assault vibes whomst bucky kills in front of her by snapping his neck with his bare hands. terror + some deeply fucked part of her finding it kind of hot. something wrong with me I’m afraid

also. distinction between “not going to hurt you” and “not going to *harm* you”, little bit of sadism. for science. knife kink probably. MUTUAL knife kink.

and then underneath all the really fucked up stuff is a really fucked up but also really vulnerable core of him that’s afraid to trust and terrified of people he gets attached to leaving him. first time they fuck he holds her down w the metal hand around her throat (just. keeping it there. a little bit of a threat, mostly an act of possession. i will see myself out) final time before the end of the story it’s with his right hand. because. symbolism. and he begs her not to leave him. or. well. his version of begging which is just telling her “you did this to me (made me care about you) and now you can’t leave/I’ll follow you if you do/ you will never be able to run from me i’d find you at the end of the earth” etc. fucked up control issues speak for “please don’t leave me everyone i ever cared about always leaves”.

I just crave more dark content where RC is not like. cowering or controlled by fear. personally I go right to compartmentalizing/rationalizing under extreme stress and if i thought i might get killed by some guy I was kinda already into with no feasible way out of the situation I would be on my emotional manipulation + trying-to-hit-that game like nobody’s business (bc you’re a lot safer if they see you as a human being. yaaay criminal psychology) but maybe that’s just me being nuts

#more RCs with batshit emotional responses to things. representation matters 😩 (/j) #astxrwar.txt #luke’s brainworms

[turtle-steverogers]

Steve being nervous to be intimate again with Bucky is something I spend too much time thinking about, so here I am making it your problem too ☺️

no because i think about this FREQUENTLY

and i know most people take it from the angle of steve not being sure of what his and bucky's relationship is now/what bucky is up for BUT i have so many STEVE THOUGHTS about it (who's surprised? not me)

ANYWAY steve and intimacy issues is something that lives on my mind rent free. i think he doesn't have trouble with sex, but he has trouble with emotional sex, and i always imagined that was a slight point of contention between him and bucky even pre war, because growing up, steve had a much less stable time about things and i have a huge headcanon that he was always pretty hypersexual, finding validation and worth in sex and things he can "do well" with his body due to constant ridicule towards him otherwise from society.

i think it more or less was a coping mechanism for him, and when he came out of the ice, he fell into old habits. hook-ups and random flings that sort of put him back into a place of "feel good, but don't get attached", especially because he's had such a history with losing people that his Abandonment Issues^tm were probably running pretty rampant. cue bucky coming in from the cold and them trying to find their way back to the way they once were, while neither of them being those two boys from brooklyn anymore. and steve i think locked away his experiences coming out of the ice, because he's pretty ashamed despite himself.

it takes a while for bucky to figure this out and i think it takes even longer (and lots of therapy) for steve to get to a point where intimacy doesn't seem so out of reach. little experimental moments of bucky touching him gently. showing him how making love feels, and that while different kinds of sex all have their place and worth as long as two consenting parties are involved, steve DESERVES something gentler and deliberate from time to time. and steve can't quite shake the feeling that this will all be taken from him again eventually, but he's working on it. he's getting there. they're both getting there, together.

#steve rogers #mikey answers #stucky #bucky barnes #mikey screams into the void

[httpwintersoldier]

A little thought/theory on Steve Rogers' "patriotism"

Note: mind you I don't mean to many any "official" conclusions per se, this just got me thinking.

So because Steve Rogers wears the stars and stripes and is named Captain America and all, obviously people always attributed this sort of patriotism to the character itself. Even in the first movie when Steve tours the country as Captain America he is used as the poster child for patriotism and love for the great US of A.

But all the memes and a certain tweet about how "Steve's patriotic ass would see Oppenheimer instead of Barbie" got me thinking, is Steve Rogers really that patriotic? Is he even patriotic at all at any point?

Hear me out:

"Steve joined the army and fought for his country, of course he's partiotic!"

While the part that he joined the army is true, I'm not sure it's true that he was fighting for his country, much less that he'd join the army out of love for his country.

When asked by Erskine why Steve wanted to join the army so much, he says it's because "He hates bullies", no matter who they are. Steve also expresses that he didn't think it was fair or just that there were people out there giving their life and he wasn't.

So Steve's motivations don't come out of love for the nation and what it stands for, but it comes from a place of hate in one hand (hate for the other side involved) and compassion and solidarity (for the men fighting and dying to defeat the greater evil) in the other hand.

So although he was indeed fighting for his country, one could argue that such a thing is an indirect cause of Steve's motivation, putting his patriotism in question given that his motivation didn't stem from the love for his country but for his hate for bullies and from his inability to stand by and watch others die at the end of these "bullies" as he did nothing.

His motivation has always been the same: protect the weak from the powerful.

2. The constant disobedience

A good soldier and a good patriot trusts his country and the people in charge of it. If you have someone constantly questioning the government and are constantly doubting the people who run the country you're not really putting a lot of faith in the country itself (given that the president along with many other government officials is chosen by the people aka the country and that many government officials are chosen by the president elected byb the people).

Someone that distrusts the government and its officials usually doesn't favour the country that much, since what makes the country work are the people in charge.

The thing we see Steve do the most is (arguably) shit on orders he's given to do whatever he feels is right, constantly proving his officials and the people in charge to be goofy, arrogant and incompetent assholes.

We first see this in the flag scene in CA:FA, when they all try to get to the top of a pole to catch the flag and after failing, the superior tells them to fall back in line, and Steve ignores his constant calls to do his schtick and get the flag.

In the same movie he is ordered to just promote the Captain America figure around the country on this goofy tour to which he responds to with a nice "fuck you but have a nice day" by abandoning the tour and rescuing thousands of men (that had been left for dead) on his own despite being told by superiors to just stick to being an actor on the shows.

He then proceeds to refuse to sign the accords in CA:CW further proving his distrust for the government and its officials as well as finding them incompetent and unable to look at a situation and properly evaluate it to say if the Avengers are needed or not (basically saying that America thinks too highly of themselves, will try to solve the issue and then when shit hits the fan it is too late to call the Avengers and they realize that it is actually too much for them to handle).

Steve also becomes a fugitive of the State after (rightfully) defending Bucky and attempting to help him escape after he was wrongly accused of killing T'chaka. Blatanlty going against State officials and their orders, as well as releasing the Avengers that had been caught after becoming fugitives as well.

You can't be much of a patriot if you constantly embarrass your superior officials by disobeying their orders and proving that it was a right choice, or by becoming an enemy of the State and being hunted by the government.

So really I think people just paint him as a patriot because of his branding, because, in my humblest of opinions, his actions do not translate any patriotism at all. If anything they show distrust for officials of the state and its branches.

#steve rogers #captain america #marvel #avengers

[abbatoirablaze]

SDAU-The Alpha & Omega, Chapter 4

Word Count:  1.1k

“You have to talk to me about this eventually, Steve…”

The lion looked up at his theta, his bottom lip pulled tightly between his teeth as he contemplated what to tell her. 

He’d known about her past. 

All of it.

He’d managed to piece together what she’d meant when she said she’d already met one of her mates.

And Steve was sure that he knew exactly who it was. 

“Steve…”

Steve’s eyes snapped back to Eloise’s and his scent turned bitter as the anxiety rose in his chest.  She reached across his body and gently stroked his jaw.  When her fingers held his chin, she pulled his face towards her own, connecting their lips in a comforting kiss. 

The lion purred, unable to stop the natural reaction to one of his mates. 

His hands needily pawed at her own naked form as he rolled them back over until he was hovering over her. 

She giggled, pulling away from him ever so slightly, “Steve…this doesn’t count as us talking about it.”

“I love you, Eloise.”

She sighed contentedly, “I love you too, Steve….”

He reached down, taking her hand in his own, peeling her fingers from his jaw.  She watched him curiously as his hand pulled her fingers to his throat where a near perfect throat.  The only issue was the marred spot over his mating gland. 

“We don’t-“ she began, but Steve cut her off, shaking his head.

“If I’m going to talk about it, I need you to know exactly where I stand…” he said firmly, “You’ve never said his name, but I think I know who your mate is….your other mate…and he’s the very same one that gave me this mark….the mark I had removed when he abandoned me.  I love you, Eloise…but you have to know I have an obscene distrust in alphas….my alpha…our alpha…abandoned me because someone else told him it was okay to.  And we’d been together since we were kids.”

She didn’t remove her hand, but it was obvious that she was saddened by Steve’s statement. 

“Bucky’s your other mate…my Bucky…”

“Our Bucky…theta…”

“He-he never let you mark him…did he?  When I-when we were together, he didn’t have a mark.  He-“

“I let him mark me in a moment of weakness,” Steve admitted sadly, his eyes filling with tears, “I didn’t know it was you back then…but he came to me after you disappeared…he told me he met someone else…and she left.  He was so broken up about it.  And I got so jealous…I just…I didn’t know it was you.”

“WHERE THE FUCK IS MY OMEGA!”

Steve could hear a loud argument going on downstairs. 

A door slammed.

Feet padded down the stairs.

New voices joined in. 

Steve’s head snapped up as he looked away from the alpha female he’d been laying in bed with. 

“I-I think you should leave.”

Her eyes narrowed momentarily before she sat up in his bed, “you don’t want to do this again, do you?”

“I think I-“

But Steve never got to finish his sentence.  His bedroom door slammed open; the wood hitting the wall hard. 

Bucky looked like he was going feral in front of him.  His jaw ticked as he caught the scent of the alpha Steve had been with.  Their eyes locked and she instantly growled.  Bucky’s eyes snapped to Steve’s momentarily, then back to the other alpha, “did my omega tell you that he’s a fag?”

“BUCKY!”

Bucky gave a warning growl to the young omega, and Steve felt himself becoming turned on at the alpha’s intrusion and possessive nature.  It was one of the things he’d always loved about Bucky after all. 

The female alpha snorted, sliding out of the bed and grabbing her clothes, “don’t blow a gasket, panther…your omega couldn’t stay hard…it’s obvious that he doesn’t want me.”

Steve blushed, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

“Never had that problem with me!” Bucky grunted, crossing his arms over his chest.  Their eyes locked once more and Bucky smirked at Steve, “I’m going to fuck you into the mattress and show you who you belong to once and for all, Stevie…”

“Buc-“

“Omega…present for your alpha.”

Steve couldn’t stop himself.

The soft alpha command mixed with the huskiness of Bucky’s voice was almost too much for the young omega.  Bucky was his mate and he missed him desperately. He began purring as he slid his briefs down over his thick, muscular thighs.  He barely noticed the alpha female slip out of the room; Bucky slamming the door behind her as he stepped further into the room. 

He felt his throat going dry as Bucky stared at him.

He wasn’t just an omega. 

He was the prey that Bucky wanted to devour. 

That he needed to devour.

Steve whimpered as he bent over the bed and braced himself on his hands and knees, presenting himself to Bucky.  The alpha smirked, his pheromones driving Steve wild.  His large hands palmed at his heavy, rock-hard cock over his jeans as he stepped up to the bed. 

“I’m going to make sure you never forget me, Stevie!” Bucky promised as he unbuttoned the denim.

“He fucked me on and off for damn near eighteen hours,” Steve admitted, his cheeks tinged a bright pink color, “I’d pass out on the edge of an orgasm and come to an hour and a half later in a puddle of our cum, stuck to the sheets.  By the last time, when I’d woken up, there was some dried blood on my sheets, but closer to my neck.  My throat felt like it was on fire.  Bucky marked me…and just left.  Two days later I had full blown mate sickness.  But when some of the guys tried to get Bucky to come over, or I tried to talk to him, I was ignored.  He took what he wanted and left me high and dry.  Tony helped me out.  He took me to a facility his dad runs, and we got the mark chemically removed.  But I haven’t trusted anyone since.”

“Steve…”

“You don’t have to say anything, mini,” Steve sighed, “I just-I want you to know why I’ve been so shaky about us…why I haven’t let you in as much…why I held off on this…”

Mini blushed, looking over at her naked partner.

“Well,” she tried, gently eyeing Steve’s body as she feared looking him in the eye for fear of scaring him off, “what do you think now that we have, Steve…”

“I know you’re my theta,” he sighed, his teeth finally releasing his bottom lip.  He leaned forward, gently rubbing his nose against her own, “I just-I want you to know…I’m trying…it’s just-“

“Taking some time…” she finished.  Steve nodded and her hand left his throat, sliding back up his jaw, and up until she was stroking his cheek, “take all the time you need, Steve.  A good partner will be there for their partner…I want to be a good mate to you, Steve…and I’ll be there any way that I can for you.”

Chapter 5

Tag List:  @teambarnes72, @lohnes16, @tenacioiusperfectionunknown

#school days au #school days #college #a/b/o #a/b/o fanfic #a/b/o fic #alpha bucky barnes #alpha bucky #omega steve #omega steve rogers #werepanther #werelion #the alpha & omega #stucky #steve rogers #bucky barnes

[miss-tribbiani]

I'm giving you guys a headsup

If Ted ending is going back to Kansas and leaving the team I WILL sob, cry probably faint and vomit my eyes out, and you have to deal with it

get your therapist on speed dial, because Im never gonna shut up about it, I have abandonment issues, all since Tony Stark death and Steve Rogers leaving bucky

also my dad leaving me but who cares about that guy honestly

#ted lasso #i need therapy #Ted lasso 2023 #ted lasso season 3 #jason sudeikis #mentally insane #i love him so muuuuuch #I couldn't deal with that

[nana1000night]

Unholy thought

Just look at this Stevie!

Warnings:SMUT, Maybe fluff but Smut!!! Stop reading when you feel uncomfortable. Insecure reader, jealous

You can tell the air is tense when you refuse to go to the gala with him.

He wants to show you to the world, or he just want to humiliate you in front of public.

“Why? It's the party you've craved so long, so why don't you want to go?”

Because I don't want to see you checked out Peggy Carter, a married woman but I know she'd be your red rose forever.

“Not really, I want to but I suddenly sick of this. I don't like crowd people.”

Standing in front of him, you suddenly feel like you're an unmatured teenage. Or that's actually what he thinks you are?

His jaw clenched, and he acrosses his arms in front of his chest. He leans back to the couch.

His steel blue eyes looks down at you, disappointed.

Your sights shift down to your feet and try your best to hold back your sobbing and tears.

It's been a long time, long enough that you forgot since when you would hide your emotions from him.

You don't think he wants to be your safe house anymore.

A gentle knock on the door startles you, Nat calls you two prepared and ready to go.

“She won't come tonight, she want to stay in compound.”

Steve stood up and pass you two, he doesn't slow down his pace. He seems like excited and rushed to meet her.

Nat raises her eyebrows but she doesn't say anything when she sees your face. The bitterness in your eyes stings her.

“Maybe you two need some time to reveal your own thoughts to eachother. I will keep an eye on him if he did something wrong.”

You bid with a weak smile

“Thank you, Nat.”

It's been a while since you're the only one who left, or that's you thought. So when you bump into a girl in the kitchen, you mearly screamed.

“Who are you?...ugh..Bunny? Why are you here?”

The girl seems like you, ABANDONED

“Ow, hey, I don't want to go to the gala, either. Bucky has already have a partner to go with him, and I don't want to recreate my trauma again.”

She offers you a tender smile and that somehow break your heart.

“Then what do you want to do when they're out?”

Bunny takes a black card out and smiles mischievous

“Well, I have some friends who runs the bar which is not far from the compound. And I've order a room so we can just drink and have fun.”

You hesitate for several seconds

“Oh, Coco and Bubble would come too. You know they also have the similar issues like us.”

In the gala

Steve sips his cocktail and looks bored, he wishes he could go home early and cuddle with his Sweetheart.

Think of that... He feels something went wrong about him and sweetheart.

Her smile are smitten, faded away like time has stolen it from her, from him

And when the last time they cuddle with eachother?

When was the last time he send a sketch under her room door and making her giggle?

When was the last time he hold her hand and dance with her?

The most important, since when Sweetheart would hide her tears from him even in front of him?

“Oh shit...” Steve frowned, he's done for tonight, this gals has no reason to stay.

“Hey, Punk! Where're you going?”

Bucky called him when Steve walking towards the exit.

“Find my gal, jerk! I'm done!”

Bucky made a face and shrugged, Nat and Sam stared at him

“What?”

“Why are you still here?” Sam quirked his brows and Nat drank her drinks.

“Why would I go after him? I'm not that clingy.”

Bucky scoffed before he took another Brandywine.

“You didn't notice anything, did you? That's why you're so careless.” Nat shook her head and left to find Yelena.

“What does her means?”

“She means you're spoiled by Bunny and you'd lose her if you keep wasting her love.” Sam acrossed his arms and watched the eyes darken when Bucky heard that.

“Explain it.” Bucky shoot him a glare, his shoulders tense.

“Do you see the man standing beside Yelena?”

Bucky looked at the man who somehow looks similar to himself. He had heard his name, Nick Fowler, the spy under Russia and now running a bar.

“Yeah?”

“Last time when you abandoned Bunny, this guy came to us and, I just know that he and Bunny are childhood friend.”

Bucky had some bad feelings.

“What are you trying to say? I trust my Bunny.”

Sam snorted, “I know, but you're the one who would break the trust if you keep neglect her.”

“I am not.”

“Yeah? So why you chose the new blonde woman and let Bunny has her own fun in Fowler's bar?”

“She what!?”

“Not only her, Wilson. Sweetheart, Bubble and Coco would come to my place.” The new voice made Bucky snapped his head to Nick.

“She just send me the message and I said I'll meet them there.” Nick smirked

Bucky narrowed his eyes before he turned around and left.

“He's such an idiot.”

“Bunny spoiled him and let's why I have to teach him a lesson.” Nick drank before his stares gawked at the one who's talking with Carol and Pepper.

He came to behind of the woman and hug her from behind. His head rested on her shoulder and he left a feather kiss on her soft skin.

“Солнце(Sunshine), I miss you.”

“We just separate for 30 minutes, Nick.”

“And that makes me crazy, especially when I have to remind the Sergeant.”

“He makes me thinking of you, the past you.”

Nick tighten his hugs and nuzzled.

“I am sorry for being so careless about you, and I regret it because I wasted so much time when you would lay in my arms.”

“You're making up for me, so I forgive you, Nick.”

#steve rogers x reader #endgame steve

[jimblejamblewritings]

let us help you | end.

Summary: The team is absolutely in love with one of the SHIELD recruits and hopes she joins the team considering she already lives with them. No one knows that she has several eating problems not even the two super-soldiers who seem to hang onto her even more than the rest of the team

Warnings for the Series: self-esteem issues, eating disorder, angsty, smut

Pairing: Stucky x black!reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Previous Part | (Series Masterlist)

You woke up to a smoothie, a takeout one instead of the usual homemade. Steve was sitting at the end of the bed, medium plastic cup in his hand. You went to grab your phone and he reached over to take it before you could.

“Steve!”

“It’s 7:10 am, no we aren’t running this morning, yes this is your breakfast.”

“That looks l—”

“It’s a sixteen ounce smoothie full of stuff you like plus a scoop of yogurt. Breakfast. Please take it from my hand, doll, so I can go get my coffee,” he said the last part light-heartedly in hopes you would accept it.

You just looked at the cup in his hand. Steve took a sip and then held the cup back out. This time, you gingerly took it from his hand. He watched you take a sip and patted your knee before getting up to get himself food. He sat back down at the end of the bed when he returned so he would be facing you. His voice was more gentle this time.

“First step, getting rid of those rules. We’ll eat when you’re hungry and I know you like breakfast. Don’t even try hiding it, Buck and I hear your stomach grumbling when we wake up.”

You took another sip while eyeing Steve’s plate. He had a full meal. Your head tilted and Steve mirrored your actions. He didn’t say anything, just waited until you stopped sipping on the smoothie. You scooted closer to him and grabbed the fork from his hand to feed him.

“You and Bucky seem so happy eating, the whole team does… I want to be happy too.”

Steve finished swallowing his bite as you started to poke the fork into more food. He grabbed the smoothie cup you had abandoned and pressed it to your lips, you absentmindedly took a sip as you loaded his fork with food. You stopped sipping for a moment to finish your thought.

“All the time. I’m happy eating sometimes.”

“Yeah, I remember that little wiggle over tomato soup.”

You laughed and Steve smiled as you did the little dance again after taking another sip of smoothie.

“That’s a sound I like to hear.”

You and Steve’s heads turned to the doorway where Bucky was standing, still in tactical gear. He walked into the room and pressed a kiss to Steve’s lips before doing the same to you.

“You’re back,” you said, excitedly.

Bucky told the field agents on his mission team that they could hurry up and finish the minute quickly or do it without him but either way he was coming home after Steve called. The forkful that was meant for Steve, you instinctively put up to Bucky’s mouth. Even if he hadn’t watched the scene from the doorway, he knew to just accept the bite of breakfast while you watched him with doe eyes and sipped on the smoothie.

Bucky took a quick shower and sat on the bed, his chest against your back. He already ate in the quinjet on the way back and was content with stealing sips of Steve’s coffee while you and Steve finished breakfast. The two men were uniquely perceptive to your body cues, you watched Steve and felt Bucky tense up as you gagged after the last sip of smoothie. You held your hand up to your mouth until the little bit of the bile that rose in the back of your throat died down.

“I’m okay. It happens sometimes.”

Neither one of them relaxed completely. You tilted your head back so you could look at Bucky.

“Why’d you come back? Steve said your mission…”

“He called me last night, had to come home. Why the face, angel?”

“You left a mission early… because of me.”

“I left because I wanted to come home and take care of you. Not because you necessarily needed it but because I wanted to.”

You frowned but didn’t say anything. This wasn’t an argument you were going to win with Bucky and you knew it. The smoothie was finished and you set the empty cup on the nightstand and grabbed Bucky’s hand, playing with the metal fingers. You raised his hand up and lightly pressed a kiss to his fingers before dropping them into your lap. Bucky could see the broken capillaries that Steve told him about. Steve finished breakfast, offering the last of the coffee to Bucky who gladly accepted it.

“Meditation or reading?”

“What, Steve?”

“We can’t run right away, just ate. So what do you want to do, skip straight to Buck’s meditation or reading or what?”

You thought for a minute and chose to skip to meditation until you had fully digested breakfast. Bucky went on the run even though he had just come from a mission. They were reluctant to let you go to training until the capillaries were healed but you told them it was fine. You stopped them before they could step into the training room with a devilish look on your face. Bucky was caught off guard when you stepped up to him, so close that you could feel his breath, right outside the training room where someone could see if they just opened the doors.

“Sarge,” you whined. “Captain said the punishment was your idea.”

Both of the men chuckled. You jutted out your bottom lip. Bucky bent down to kiss you and, taking a page out of Steve’s book, gently nipped at your lip. You smiled as you felt yourself being sandwiched between the two of them. Bucky brushed his fingers against your collarbones. He pulled away, keeping his lips still close to yours.

“You didn’t think that was going to get you out of it, angel, did you?”

“Please.”

“Should we cut her a break, Sarge?” Steve asked as his hands squeezed your hips. You nodded furiously as they looked at each other over your head.

“Do well at practice and I think we can look the other way after lunch.”

The three of you straightened yourselves out and walked into the training room. Your friends gave you knowing looks while the rest of the group didn’t even bother to look your way. Training went smoothly and you had a sneaking suspicion that Steve and Bucky were going a little easier on you than normal although both of them would deny it if you confronted them about it. Not that you were complaining if it meant you were finally going to get off. You bounded out of the gym when practice was over instead of staying behind to help them pack everything up like normal— making both Steve and Bucky chuckle, knowing that you were probably going to get yourself ready.

You were nowhere to be seen when they entered their room. Neither of them wanted to panic but they felt nervousness wash over them. Trying not to cause a scene, they walked briskly through the halls only stopping and sighing in relief as they heard your laughter. You looked over your shoulder as they entered the kitchen area and showed them a bowl of pasta with barely a dent in it.

“Vision wanted someone to try his cooking for Wanda,” you mumbled.

Even though everyone knew, you still tried not to discuss it too much with the other members of the team.

“How are you feeling, pretty doll?” Bucky asked, tentatively.

You thought about it and decided to be honest with them. “Like I can’t eat dinner after this… I don’t think I can finish this.”

Steve took the bowl out of your hand and put the rest of the pasta into a tupperware container and set it in the fridge. Vision handed a bowl to Wanda who had just entered the kitchen. The other Avengers started to flow in as well. Some of them took the leftovers that Vision said they could have while others started looking for their own food. Bucky rubbed circles on the back of your hand. It all felt so overwhelming having everyone suddenly in and being surrounded by food. You hopped off of the barstool as the smell of oil heating up in Sam’s pan wafted over to your nose.

“I just need a minute,” you whispered as you left the room.

Bucky and Steve looked at each other before nodding and following you, staying a little bit behind. They found you laying down on the floor of their room with your gaze focused on the ceiling. They settled down beside you and mimicked your movements. It was silent for a minute as the three of you looked at the plain ceiling.

“The bed was too soft for thinking,” you finally said.

“What are we thinking about?” Steve asked.

You turned your head to look at him before going back to looking at the ceiling. He knew to drop it and Bucky didn’t push for a follow up either. You couldn’t help the slight smile that graced your face after you had sighed loudly and the two of them did the same. Unprompted, you grabbed both of their hands— the two supersoldiers gently squeezing your hands.

The rest of the night was a silent affair. Instead of team dinner, Bucky and Steve ate in their room with you occasionally picking off of each of their plates when you felt like you could. They didn’t push knowing you weren’t feeling the best, at least you were eating something. Bucky couldn’t help but tense up each time your eyes glanced towards the bathroom door and Steve slowly inched his body to cover more and more of the door without alerting you that they knew what was actively on your mind. You went to bed with murmurs of goodnight being the most you had said since getting up from the floor.

You were still knocked out when they woke up in the morning since it was a Friday and no training was on the schedule. Steve and Bucky very carefully got out of bed in order to not disturb you. They made their way to one of the conference rooms that Nick had requested they meet in. Most of the team looked the same way they did, still in pajamas and nursing cups of coffee. Nick was going on and debriefing them about another HYDRA related mission.

“Each group is small but you all need to work together to pull it off. So really it’s a big mission.”

“How big are we talking exactly?” Nat asked.

Nick started naming off the Avengers in certain teams. “And Bruce, we’re putting you out on the field for this one. You’ll be with Cap and Bucky.”

“Me and Steve?” Bucky asked.

“Yes.”

“No,” Steve said, not skimping on an ounce of authority in his voice.

Steve’s comment made the rest of the team look at him.

“No?” Nick asked, astonished.

“No. Buck and I aren’t both leaving.”

“And may I ask why?”

“(Y/N),” Bucky said, tentatively.

“We need every person on this mission. You want me to give that up for one random recruit? Your partner?”

Bucky was getting annoyed and Steve had to keep him in the chair he was sitting in. They weren’t going to budge on leaving you completely alone for a mission that had no current end date. They weren’t going to let the threat of another relapse be something that you carried alone. Nick looked at the two men in front of him and knew they wouldn’t budge. He also knew that it must’ve been a serious matter if they cared so much.

“FRIDAY!” Nick yelled to the air.

“Yes, Director?”

“Where is (Y/N)?”

“She just returned to Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes’ bed.”

“Tell her to come in.”

Steve and Bucky looked at the table at FRIDAY’s words. Even though everyone knew you all were together, it still felt a little personal that they knew you were in their bed. You soon came into the conference room, still in pajamas and headscarf. Your normal smoothie was replaced with an equally large cup of coffee and, much to your boyfriends’ pleasure, a bowl of fruit.

“FRIDAY said you called for me, Director?”

“Congrats, you’re an Avenger.”

You almost dropped the bowl of fruit in your hand. Training wasn’t over yet and you weren’t even expecting a shot at the position. You had been aiming for a field agent at best, even with the number one spot of your most recent rank. You looked over at the team who shrugged in confusion, not knowing this was happening at this exact moment. Yeah, they had talked it out but this exact moment was not when they planned to say it.

“I’m sorry, sir, what?”

“You’re on the team with Dr. Banner, Cap, and Sarge. They’ll brief you when you leave for the quinjet.”

Nick turned to Steve and Bucky, addressing them only. “Problem solved. Get to work.”

The group was dismissed. Everyone clapped you on the back as they filed out the room until it was just Steve and Bucky left in front of you.

“Am I actually an Avenger now?”

They both nodded. “We’ll brief you but we’re all supposed to suit up and go in two hours.”

Steve reached for one of the grapes in your bowl but you pulled it back before he could.

“Ah ah. Get your own breakfast, soldier.”

Bucky moved to be behind you. His arms wrapped around your middle and he rested his chin on the top of your head.

“Yeah, Steve, get your own breakfast,” he said with a smile.

Steve snorted out a laugh and took a grape anyway. Instead of eating it, he pressed it to your lips. You took it into your mouth, rolling your eyes when he and Bucky took two more grapes out of the bowl and ate them. Not one to miss out on the fun, Bucky grabbed an apple chunk to feed you.

“It’s nice to see you eating breakfast, pretty doll,” he commented.

“I’m trying,” you whispered.

“That’s all we can hope for,” Steve responded.

Both he and Bucky kissed you on the cheek. It wasn’t going to be perfect, the three of you knew it, but it felt like something you could get through.

#stucky x reader #avengers fic #marvel fic

[faeriecap]

Trans girl Steve? Have you posted the fic? 👀

Transgirl Steve!!! I got the idea in response to Captain Carter’s version of the supersoldier origin story, as well Endg*me St*ve’s ridiculous ending, and subsequent AUs which explored the possibility of him returning to pre-serum Steve instead. i’d seen a lot of fem!steve headcanons within the fandom, but these were mostly just gender bends which, if they examined it at all, like peggy!cap, only focused really on what it meant for a cisgender woman to gain empowerment through taking up the shield and challenging stereotypical norms. partly inspired by women’s history during WW2 as well as the life of Christine Jorgensen (more info here), plus other veterans like Patricia Davies, and Louise Jennings, it was going to explore CATFA’s themes of body dysmorphia and normative views of masculinity and femininity leading up to the women’s rights and lgbt rights movements, and what it might mean for a transgender stefanie rogers to overcome not just ableism and sexism, but also transmisogyny on her pathway to becoming cap.

sadly, the fic never really got off the ground because it was something i was working on in between my endgame fix-it series (which i also abandoned) and finishing AWITS. also i was writing it while on the train to work, which wasn’t the most conducive environment, plus i spent most of my time trying to outline the logistics of this happening historically as well as redirecting canon around this narrative. so what i can offer you is the basic synopsis outlining the plot i scrawled down the day i got the idea that has lived in my wip graveyard since 2019 instead:

Closeted transwoman Stefanie Rogers lives in a bigoted time, and wants nothing more but to help her country at war. She tries to enlist many times as a man but is denied entry into the army due to numerous health issues and her size. Unable to apply again without falsifying her forms in some way, she returns in women’s clothing under a new name, disguising herself as a nurse and joining the WAC as an ambulance driver, living openly as a woman for the first time. Discovered by erksine who is impressed with her dedication and abilities, she fakes masculinity to avoid being arrested, claiming it was just a tactic to get into the corps. he discusses a procedure which would permanently alter her body into that of a supersoldier before he dies. she later becomes cap in order to save Bucky, the only person who ever knew her true gender, from the POW camp, then poses as a male captain america until her descent into the ice.

When she wakes up the world is so different and she has nothing to cling to but the mantle and its mythos. despite improved attitudes towards trans people, would they even want captain america any other way? feeling a lot of dysphoria and depression, she goes into denial about her identity, continuing to live as a man.

TWS doesn’t know why he knows the man on the bridge, because Hydra targeted all memories of Captain America, erasing all memories of Steve Rogers. But because they didn’t know pre-serum Rogers was closeted, they don’t erase bucky’s memories of Stefanie, whom he doesn’t recognize as Cap until she says her speech on the helicarriers. thinking she’s been rejected, she remains closeted throughout her search for bucky and civil war, especially as anti-trans sentiments are on the rise alongside the oppressive accords stipulations.

After everything, she realizes erksine knew the whole time and wanted her to become a female Cap, but after he was killed the SSR took another direction, assuming project rebirth was meant to create the perfect male soldier. Feeling trapped, Stef considers running away from it all, letting captain america and steve rogers disappear forever, longing for a time when she wasn’t a recognized public figure. But her mortal drive to help others and do what’s right won’t let her squander her abilities as a supersoldier and stop fighting as long as she can, so she continues to play at being steve in order to keep the shield. the rest of the quartet tries to convince stef she can have both, being out and being cap, but she’s dubious, and after the snap and failing to reverse it, she isolates herself in grief, losing touch with nat until they’re convinced to try again.

Just before the Blip, thanos uses the reality stone to revert captain america to her “true self,” not realizing it would not only deserum her but reveal her womanhood. after tony’s passing, stefanie returns to the 20th century one last time, and realizes it's time to tell the world. back in the present with bucky, she holds a press conference to address why she’s giving the mantle to sam, and comes out as a transwoman in the process, hoping to use her platform to inspire young queer kids and influence positive lgbt legislation.

ultimately, i don’t know if i would be the right person to write this fic. i worried/worry i would inadvertently create an inauthentic at best and offensive at worst representation of this type of story. if i did revisit the idea, i’d definitely want to have at least one sensitivity reader to ensure i was doing the community justice, and do a lot more research into the historical background. i’d also need to brush up on my knowledge of existing captain america canon, lol, because it’s been… a long long time. as it is, i totally welcome any other writers who feel inspired by this to take a stab at it, i’d be happy if my unused ideas came to fruition in some way that was meaningful to others! <3

#if i worded things badly or misused the language btw pls lmk i am learning #i speak #steeb #stefanie rogers #transgirl steve #transgirl #trans steve rogers #captain america #steve rogers #captain america au #captain america headcanon #trans headcanon #marvel #mcu #trans history #transgender history #lgbt history #fic prompt