#and both stopping because of each other and their idealised versions of them

[akkivee]

congrats hitoya 🎉🥳🎉

#vee queued to fill the void #OKAY BUT #hitoya is 💯% a babygirl but by these standards he’s only teetering on the edge tbh #bad ass temple is helmed by a leader who stresses to change your outlook on life if you’re feeling like shit #and his team actually practices that lol 💜💜💜 #however *gestures* kaigen lol so tired of life kiiiiiinda checks off #i don’t really wanna get into jakurai and hitoya have the same moral code #which led to jakurai almost killing the guy who drove sora to his end #and which led hitoya to almost ruin the guy’s entire life with falsely planted evidence #and both stopping because of each other and their idealised versions of them #so if maaaaaaybe hitoya had jakurai’s power and maaaaaaybe didn’t have the man himself to remind him of that moral code………………….. #(lol and you can’t tell me he hasn’t wanted to bury kuukou six feet under on occasion) #so that’s a very weak but there check mark lol #the other three tho LOL #c: hitoya

[tarotwithlove]

PICK A CARD 🥠ೕ the future of this connection

reminder that this is a general reading and messages found here may not apply to everyone. take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and don't force anything if it does not fit.

BOOK A READING WITH ME · LINKTREE · SUGGEST A PAC TOPIC · TIPS ♡ tips and feedback are highly appreciated!

GROUP ONE

my dear group one ♡ while this person is deeply attached to you, they are keeping their emotional distance as they wait for you to “realise” that you’re sick of them.

they love you—in fact, they are overflowing with love for you—but they cannot help but think that in order to know you love and care about them in the same way, you have to prove yourself to them. 

like mitski sings in why didn’t you stop me?, they want to know that you will keep running after them. chasing after them. making them your priority even when you aren’t theirs. they see this as a test of your love, and do not realise how harmful and hurtful this actually is.

all they can think is how many others claimed to love them and then left, without realising that it is their own emotional unavailability and mind games that causes people to leave. and they will never see it, because it is only in this way that they can victimise themselves. 

clarity comes to you in the future of this connection—seeing them for who they are beyond eyes tinted by love, and deciding to meet them where and as they are instead of as the version of them for whom are, and have been waiting. 

GROUP TWO

my dear group two ♡ your connection with this person is only going upward from here on out.

the love between you and them is gentle, beautiful, and mutually appreciative.

with you, your person feels as if they have met the person they have been waiting all their life for. that they have prayed for. so much so that at times they wonder if it is all a dream; all a fantasy that they have been caught up in as reality passes them by. 

it is a love that is more than anything they ever thought that they would feel, knowing that they want to marry you, and that they want to build a life and family with you. and while at times they worry that they are idealising you, they rarely are. they love you from a place grounded in reality; they love you at your lowest and your highests, as they know that you will love them at theirs.  the future of this connection is sweet and straightforward. neatly wrapped in a bow of blissful longevity and, for many of you, marriage. 

GROUP THREE

my dear group three ♡ you and this person are in the midst of tentative discovery—finding yourself as individuals and as a union.

while you two may be circling around each other for the time-being—flirting and not yet taking anything too seriously as you get to know each other or work up the courage to be more direct about your feelings—you’re falling more and more in love as each day passes. one of you may have committed to moving in order to be closer to the other. or, as time passes, this is the decision one of you will decide is for the best. even if you’re still playing things by ear, the spirit of adventure has taken over you and this connection. it is such a light energy that’s surrounding this connection. one of fun, experimentation, and, ultimately, new beginnings. before this connection you may have felt that love was out of reach for you. this person showed you differently, and will continue to do so for as long as you allow it.

GROUP FOUR

my dear group four ♡ thoughts of you consume your person—of how they can best love you and be loved by you, spoil you and be spoiled by you, satisfy you and be satisfied by you.

they want to be yours entirely and have the world know that you’re theirs in turn.  the feeling that love was no longer possible for you is strong here, for both parties. as if you have been followed by heartbreak and romantic relationships in which you felt misunderstood. as if this is your last chance at a genuine connection and if this falls through then there must really be no love out there for you. for this reason, while there is mutual love, affection, and adoration, in this connection, before any progress is possible, you and your person must ask yourselves if you are holding onto this connection for the right reasons. are you committed to this connection out of love or out of desperation?

the connection cannot progress in the best interests of all involved unless you’re both honest about this. 

#** #tarot #pac #pick a card #pick a pile #pick a picture #pick a photo #pick an image #tarotonline #tarotblr #tarotcommunity #tarotcreator #love tarot reading #free tarot readings #daily tarot #free tarot reading #tarot reading #tarot readings #channelled message #channeled message #spiritualism #spirituality

[myalchod]

Hello, my darling giftee!💙 How have you been?

I have a feeling you’d be glad to hear that your answer to my previous question brought tears to my eyes. Honestly, I can’t stop thinking about “The five stages of grief”.

Today I’d love to hear about your most favorite tropes and headcanons for Farah and Saul(but you have to pick only one for each and one for them as a pair,not necessarily romantic)

Always yours,

you *relatively soon* know who💌

Oh my goddddddddddd, HEX anon, I adore you and I hate you so much for this ask. Because one each?! Do you have any idea how hard decisions are for me in the best of circumstances? This is cruelty!

(Given how much I screamed at this ask, I am going to enjoy that my responses gave you pain last time. It seems only fair with how much I suffered in trying to address this. I'm glad "the five stages of grief" got you -- that ending remains firmly lodged in my head and will not get out, so it seems only fair to share it!)

Anyway. Headcanons. I don't promise I succeeded at single choices because it gets blurry, but I tried! I also don't know that they're most favourite because that's like picking your favourite fluffy beast from a pile of adorable snuggly kittens and puppies, but let's call them among my favourites?

Farah: I know there's a good part of fandom that loves Mama Farah, literal or figurative, but in my head she never wanted children, and some days the idea that she is positioned as a mother figure to an entire school of teenagers makes her want to scream as much as it makes her want to laugh. It's one more part of the complicated equation that adds up to her finding distance easier. (She's always been socially awkward, and it just got worse with everything, but the lack of maternal impulses isn't just the product of how she was raised. Doesn't mean she won't get ferally protective when it comes to her charges, just ... not that way.)

Saul: Inverting the above, Saul does have paternal instincts, but he's suppressed the ever-loving shit out of them because he doesn't feel like he deserves to have them. He's living a life he stole, and while I don't see him as particularly competitive, the idea that he hasn't earned what he's been given has absolutely embedded itself into his psyche and is a constant background noise. As much as Farah may have lived their sixteen years after Aster Dell trying to not be Rosalind, Saul lived them trying to be Andreas -- not the actual man, but the idealised version he built in his head and raised Sky with stories of. (Sixteen years of "what would Andreas do" that only become "what would Farah do" when she is gone and Andreas is back, and damned if that doesn't rub salt into all of his wounds. The ghosts are real.)

Silrah: Regardless of whether one reads them as romantic or platonic, I headcanon an incredibly strong bond between them (literally and/or figuratively) -- there's a foundation of friendshp and familiarity through the years that underscores all of their interactions and that's where everything else builds from. Both of them are terrible at trust, including trusting themselves, but they trust each other -- to the point that Saul is Farah's moral centre (irony not lost here), and she is perhaps his cause (not entirely sure how to phrase that; it's less solid in my head).

tl;dr my blorbos are oblivous idiots and I love them for it and I have headcanons for days even if they're 99% incoherent screaming? I hope this helps you, anyway! It didn't help me in the least. 😭 I'm just going to be a mess of unexpected feels and useless thoughts over here for the rest of the night.

#ftwsholidayexchange #fate the winx saga #farah dowling #saul silva #silrah #my beloved morons #headcanons #asked and answered

[peachsayshi]

Chapter 11 - Friends

Tags: Friends with Benefits, Angst, Fluff

Summary: You convince Gojo to make up with your best friend and memories from the past come up. 

A/N: A wild ex-boyfriend appears! I am finally introducing the character and getting into some backstory. I got some smutty chapters coming up, which I am excited to share because I do love writing sexy Gojo X comments are always appreciated! 

- - - 

( Three Years Ago)

You cleared the plates in front of you as you made your way back to your kitchen. You packed the meal that you had taken the time to meticulously prepare, including the expensive steaks you bought this morning and the vegetables that you hand picked at the farmer’s market. As you opened the fridge to put away the items, you saw the row of vanilla cupcakes placed neatly on a pan, your shaky handwriting spread across each one that read “ Five Years ” with red hearts decorated on the extras. Suddenly, it all seemed silly how you took the time to prepare a surprise anniversary dinner for your boyfriend. You’ve both been together for so long but you still insisted on making every occasion special.

After you tidied up your dining table, you picked up the wine glass you have been nursing for the last hour and made your way over to your bedroom, where you sat on the chair next to your vanity. You removed the earrings that your boyfriend had bought you for your birthday, your favorite pair because they matched beautifully against your skin, and safely tucked them away in your jewelry box. You were disappointed that you made such a big deal out of tonight, feeling like a sentimental fool as you took a sip of your drink. Haru has been so preoccupied with work lately and the pressure of being in a highly competitive field was getting to him. Of course with the way things have been he wouldn’t remember that tonight was your anniversary dinner. You were trying to be mature about it but you couldn’t ignore that you were hurt. You glanced at your phone, reading 10:45 on the clock before finally giving up on the hope that he would show up.

You removed the dress you were wearing, a bold shade of orange that accentuated your body in all the right places - a dress that he bought you while you both went on a summer trip to Okinawa a few years ago. You changed into something a little more comfortable, throwing on a tank top and some loose lounge pants instead.

You heard your phone ping, a message popping up on the screen from Gojo.

Gojo : How did the dinner go?

You sighed to yourself, before plopping down onto your mattress. You tapped away at the keyboard, erasing each message a few times as you were unsure whether you wanted to vent or give him a brief explanation.

You : It didn’t…I think he’s still at work :(

Gojo : That sucks :\ Well, if you have any leftover cupcakes, I will gladly take them off your hands.

You: Nice try, idiot.

Gojo: I didn’t hear you say I couldn’t have any :)

When you didn’t respond to his message, Gojo followed up with another text that read:

Gojo: You okay?

You: I’m fine, I was just looking forward to tonight. I’ll get over myself. Tell me about your night, you can keep me preoccupied from my disappointment lol

Gojo merely responded with some eye emojis, a cheeky indication as to what he has been up to this evening.

You: At least one of us got some action...what’s her name?

Gojo: No idea, I was too distracted by her legs to care.  

You merely rolled your eyes at his comment.

You: It doesn’t take much to get you going, does it?

Gojo: I’m a simple guy, really…

You: …

Gojo: …

You: In WHAT universe?!

Gojo : Pshh, so mean to me all the time :(

You: With reason :)

You smiled when you sent that last text, grateful that Gojo came in at the right time with a distraction. You tried your best not to dwell on the dismal way your evening ended and instead continued to list off the many reasons why the word “simple” and “Gojo Satoru” did not go hand and hand with each other. Your conversation made time fly but that was usually the case whenever you spoke with your friend.

You were so lost in the playfully heated debate you were having, you barely heard the knock coming from your front door.

You abandoned your conversation to see who it was, surprised to find a massive bouquet of flowers greeting you on the other side.

“What…”

Haru peaked from behind the flowers, his sweet smile spreading as he looked at you with sad eyes.

“Happy anniversary!” he chirped, but you could hear the anxiousness in his tone. “ I know I’m late, I know I missed dinner…”

A deep sigh escaped him, as he slightly slumped his shoulders, extending both his hands out to you to pass the bouquet.

“I know this is a meaningless gift in comparison to whatever amazing thing you prepared, I know my efforts don’t even come close to yours, you always put so much care into everything you do. By the time I knew I was late, I was running around the city like a mad man hoping that someone, anyone, would be kind enough to open their shop for me so I would at least not come back empty handed…”

“Haru, take a breath…” you replied, hearing how quickly he was blurting out his words, something he usually did when he was nervous.

You took the bouquet from his hands, admiring the selected assortment of your favorite florals, all picked out by your boyfriend. You traced your fingers along each petal, some a little bruised and you could tell that these flowers were from  the leftovers of the day.

Haru approached you, cupping your face in his hands as he leaned down and planted a kiss on your lips.

“I’m so sorry . None of my excuses justify missing dinner tonight. I swear I am going to make it up to you…”

You tried to calm him down, running your fingers through his light brown hair and taking in every word he said as you remained focused on his hazel eyes. Your heart flutters thinking of him galavanting around the city in his disheveled work suit trying to knock on every florists’ door, a funny anecdote you will surely use against him in the future.  

“How do you plan on making it up to me?” You teased, noticing the way his brow raised at your question.

He pulled you closer into him, planting kisses along your neck before he brushed his lips against your ear to say, “I’m taking the weekend off, how does a nice trip to Hakone sound?”

“ Mmm, ideal… ” you replied, clutching the bouquet of flowers as he hugged you, “but if you keep holding me close, you’re going to ruin this lovely gift you bought me…”

“Then I’ll buy you another, and another, and another ...until I’ve given you enough flowers so that you can plant an entire garden,” he kissed you again, his fingers stroking the back of your neck as he pressed his forehead against yours.

“I’m so sorry, baby…” he repeated, his voice wavering slightly from his second apology.

“It’s okay, work comes first. I know you have been busy and probably should have planned our evening with you instead of surprising you. But you’re here now and that's what matters.”

He nodded his head, finally untangling himself from your arms, relieved that you seemed to have forgiven him.

“ I love you so much.”

“ I love you too, Haru .”

You gave him a small smile, tilting your head towards the direction of your kitchen, “It might be too late for dinner but I baked you some cupcakes if you’re up for a little snack…”

Haru removed his blazer, carefully hanging it over his elbow before undoing the first few buttons of his shirt. He held your hand, following your footsteps as you led him into the direction of your kitchen.

“ I can’t wait to try them. ”

( Present)

“ You brought me here under false pretences …” Gojo grumbled, holding himself back as you tugged on his jacket.

It’s been four months since the two of you started hooking up and weeks since he and Rina have even spoken to one another.

After Gojo confessed that she knew about your relationship, you managed to find the time to sit down with your best friend for a heart to heart. The two of you had a ritual which included locking yourselves up in a room with snacks  and drinks until you came to resolve whatever conflict you were dealing with.

“I just don’t understand why you kept this from me,” Rina explained, before taking a sip of the mixed cocktail you both made.

“ You’ve been so overprotective ever since Haru and I broke up…it’s hard for me to talk to you because you start analyzing every little thing I do. Like when I told you I wanted to stop dating for a while, you kept insisting that I was making a mistake because I was running scared…”

“I also know you’re a hopeless romantic, and a few bad dates weren’t fitting this idealised version you have of love…” Rina pressed, “You got lucky with Haru, but diving back into the game takes time and work…”

“I know I was lucky. I know it’s not usual for the first guy you meet to be so… good ,” you replied, that word tasting bitter in your mouth, “But you keep pressuring me into something I am not ready for…”

“That’s not true!”

“Rina, you would take me out on “surprise” double dates when the two of us were just supposed to just be hanging out together. Whenever I talk about Haru, you shut down and change the subject immediately. I can’t even have a night out together without you herding every single eligible male and asking me my opinion…”

Rina sighed, “it sounds way worse when you say it out loud...”

“It’s like you can’t stand that I’m just… a little broken . I let Haru become a part of who I am for five years and losing him feels like I lost a part of me, and I am struggling trying to get that person back. You want me to be okay so badly it’s stopping me from opening up to you…”

Rina inched her way closer as the two of you sat side by side. A sigh escaped her before she spoke, “I’m not good at this…I’m sorry for making you feel that way. I just can’t stand seeing you so hurt. I know that he took a piece of your happiness and I am so angry that he did. I hate that he betrayed your trust, but more so that you haven’t been able to be yourself without him…”

She squeezed your shoulder before giving you a gentle reminder, “but he never defined you. You’re attaching yourself to the love you had for him. And you will find somebody else, somebody better …”

“Maybe but I can’t see myself falling in love again…at least not anytime soon…”

Rina rested her head on your elbow, “I don’t want you to ever think you can’t speak to me…we’ve lasted way longer than all the exes that have walked in and out of our lives…”

You were happy to mend this small fracture, one of the many that has tried to hinder your friendship.

You eventually explained your little arrangement with Gojo, watching Rina’s reaction closely and trying to pull the truth of what she  exactly  said to him.

“I may have thought you were dating, like seriously dating, and told him he wasn’t good enough for you. I am glad to know that you are not. We don’t need to trade one man whore for another…”

You laughed, “Gojo has always made it clear that he has no desire to commit to anyone. I’m not worried. Besides, we can stop our arrangement anytime we are over it.”

“Sooo, when might that be?”

You shrugged your shoulders, “right now, I’m having fun and I think he is too…”

Rina hummed, you could tell she was thinking about something but whatever ran through her mind in that moment she chose to keep to herself.

Even though you and Rina smoothed things over, you realised that neither she or Gojo tried to make an effort to speak to one another. He was avoiding her at all costs while she chose to ignore  the subject entirely. You still had no idea what was said that set those two off but you were over this cold game they were playing.

“Between your inability to handle any confrontation and her stubborn attitude, you two are going to drag this on for way longer than it needs to be…” you lectured.

You paused when you arrived at her store, staring up at Gojo with pleading eyes. “I don’t like being the reason why you two aren’t speaking… please just talk to her…”

Gojo whined, “throw it on my conscience instead, that way you have no reason to feel guilty…”

You furrowed your brows before letting go of him, but a thought passed your mind which gave you an idea, “Remember that thing you brought up the other night? Your little roleplaying idea…”

Gojo arched his brows from underneath his blindfold, surprised that you were even bringing this up. “ Yes… ”

You smirked, stepping closer to him without actually touching him at all. “If you do this for me then I'll happily return the favor…”

His eyes widened, his heart racing slightly as a wave of excitement rushed through him.

You could see he was contemplating your offer, finally scoffing in defeat. “You know saying no to you was a lot easier when you weren’t bribing me with sex…” he grumbled, as he begrudgingly walked passed you.

“You did tell me once that you were a man of simple taste…”

“And I vividly remember you disagreeing with me.”

“Thank you!” You called out watching him reach the handle of the entrance door.

“Just know I am expecting you to hold up your end of the deal,” he replied before making his way inside.

***

Gojo sat at the counter, the awkward silence hung heavy in the air as Rina waited for him to break the tension. When that didn’t happen, she sighed to herself before storming to the backroom of her shop.

Gojo waited for her return, his eyes widening when she finally reappeared with something in her hands.

“ I’m sorry for how I spoke to you,” she said, bowing in his direction and handing him some treats.

“Aww, Rina-chan, how did you know kikufuku was my favorite?” Gojo questioned, his tone softening his sweet words as he held the packet between his fingers.

“I heard it through the grapevine…”

Gojo couldn’t hide his pleasured grin.

You were always so considerate of everyone, going above and beyond to make them happy and paying close attention to the things they liked the most. You must have already spoken to Rina before he came here, playing the role of matchmaker between friends.

Rina definitely noticed his response.

“Thank you,” he replied as he opened up the packet, “I know your anger was coming from a protective place. I don’t fault you for it. Besides, you and I can happily agree on one thing…”

“What’s that?”

Gojo smirked, “she’s too good for me…”

Rina swallowed hard, mainly because of how sincere that statement actually sounded.

“I care about her…”

Gojo hummed to himself, taking a bite of the sweet snack. “And you think I don’t?”

“Can I be honest?”

“ Please. ”

“I am not questioning your care for her, I am questioning what your intentions are. I won’t apologize for not trusting you.  You promised me after she broke up with Haru that you wouldn’t make a move on her but here we are now…”

“I kept my promise.”

“You found a loophole…”

“It’s been three years…she’s allowed to move on.”

“Yes she is…”

“You know, I was surprised by how angry you got at her for keeping us a secret, especially since we both know that there are plenty of things you’re hiding from her right now. Then I started thinking that it wasn’t the secret that was bothering you, you just don’t want her moving on with me…”

Rina averted her gaze, completely surprised by how easily Gojo read her.

“Like I said, I don’t trust you…”

He leaned forward to rest his elbows on the counter, “What did Haru tell you exactly?”

“Why are you asking?”

“I just want to know if you’re still adamant on convincing yourself that I am the bad guy or if you would like to know what actually happened between us…”

*** 

CHAPTER 12 - MUSE

#Gojo Satoru #Gojo Satoru x reader #Gojo x reader #jjk x reader #jjk x you #Gojo Satoru x ofc #Gojo x ofc #Gojo Satoru x you #Gojo x you #gojo fanfic #jjk fan fiction #Gojo angst #Gojo fluff #Gojo smut

[augustdreams]

Why maladaptive daydreaming (MaDD) should be classified a dissociative disorder

Contents:

Maladaptive daydreaming summary

Dissociative disorders summary

Diagnostic criteria

Conclusion

(~1100 words)

What is MaDD?

Maladaptive daydreaming (stylised as MaDD to avoid confusion between MDD (major depressive disorder)) is a disorder in which a person involuntarily daydreams, or daydreams in a way that harms their life. They do not have the ability to stop whenever they please, which is what makes it different from immersive daydreaming. It is not officially recognised by psychologists/psychiatrists as a diagnosable disorder, however online communities have come together to share their experiences with it and more research is being done each day.

Dissociative disorders:

The types of dissociative disorders formally recognised already are as followed:

Dissociative amnesia

Dissociative identity disorder

Depersonalisation-derealisation disorder

Dissociative fugue

In this "essay", I'll be going into each disorder and relating the diagnoses to maladaptive daydreaming disorder, drawing similarities and discussing differences. Before that, I'd like to explore the broader symptoms of dissociative disorders.

Here is a list of symptoms that are usually looked for when diagnosing an individual (severity will fluctuate):

Feeling disconnected from self

Problems handling emotions

Sudden/unexpected shifts in mood

Depression

Anxiety

Feeling as though the world is distorted/not real

Cognitive problems (e.g. memory, concentration, etc.)

Feeling compelled to behave in a certain way

Identity confusion

How MaDD can be linked to each of these:

When daydreaming, a lot of MaDDers will feel a disconnection from the real world, sometimes zoning out to the point that they no longer register external stimuli. Confusion regarding identity can of course be felt while daydreaming, as some MaDDers have parames, which are usually idealised versions of themselves. Not all MaDDers have these characters, however, instead daydreaming only of original and/or fictional characters. In this case, identity confusion will occur when an individual comes out of their daydreaming, adjusting to the real environment.

Symptoms like depression, anxiety, and inability to handle emotions can come across in two forms when daydreaming. The first is that an individual can be highly empathetic (due to either personality or trauma) and can experience all of their paras' feelings themselves while daydreaming. The second is when daydreams may become intrusive and hard to manage, in which case individuals may imagine highly traumatic or triggering situations that can affect their mood severely and quickly, usually causing anxiety (and even panic attacks) that can last hours.

Feeling as though the world is not real is a very self-explanatory symptom, as it is the basis of the disorder to create an alternative world. The key difference here I'd like to make is that people with MaDD recognise that the world they are in is not real. The reason I am mentioning this symptom is because we experience out paracosms as though they ARE real, feelings our paras' emotions and sometimes having our stories progress without our instruction. Cognitive problems are a HUGE issue with maladaptive daydreaming disorder (hence "maladaptive"). Maladaptive daydreaming can cause executive dysfunction and major concentration problems.

Dissociative amnesia:

Amnesia can be categorised into four forms: localised (an individual will temporarily forget the details of an event), selective (patchy or incomplete information), generalised (an individual will have trouble remembering details of their life), and systematised (very specific memory loss). I've seen posts where users express not being able to remember much of their own lives, in turn allowing their brain to remember more information about their paracosm. This would be categorised as generalised amnesia, though it isn't a universal MaDD experience to my knowledge, as I see it talked about only rarely.

Dissociative identity disorder:

This is a disorder in which two or more altars ("personalities") co-exist within a body. Lack of diagnostic criteria can lead to diagnoses like OSDD, which I won't discuss as I'm trying to keep this simple, but if you're interested in this topic, it's worth looking into! DID involves amnesia when altars aren't situated at the front (or "fronting"), meaning being in control of the body. While individuals with MaDD don't have this fronting experience, there are similar symptoms experienced by both disorders, like having people in our heads who have their own pattern of perceiving, relating to and thinking about themselves in their world; feeling detached from ourselves; sometimes having vivid flashbacks of our paras' pasts (for people with DID, these flashbacks would be memories belonging to other alters or memories that had been hidden by gatekeeper alters), especially trauma, which can induce anxiety; and mood swings brought by our paras' feelings.

Depersonalisation-derealisation disorder:

Of each of these disorders, I think depersonalisation is the most similar to MaDD. Depersonalisation includes feeling detached from one's own life and feelings. People with this disorder typically feel distant and emotionally unconnected to themselves. They can have problems with concentration and memory. They may feel 'spacey' (which definitely relates to MaDD, as our daydreams often feel like an altered state of consciousness), and they can experience time distortion (VERY popular in MaDD) e.g. not recognising how much time has passed, thinking an hour has passed when it's only been ten minutes, etc..

In severe cases, it's said that people with this disorder do not recognise themselves in mirrors. If this is considered severe, then just how bad is MaDD? I have seen people on this platform discuss being surprised seeing their face and not their parame's in mirrors. I've seen others say that they don't register that they are looking into a mirror. It's worrisome, and a reason maladaptive daydreaming should be considered more serious.

Dissociative fugue:

Also known as psychogenic fugue, this is a disorder in which an individual suddenly forgets their identity and creates a new identity and life for themselves. While MaDDers don't forget their original identity, they can temporarily be less conscious of it while daydreaming, and the ability to create new identities and characters comes very easily to us.

Conclusion:

Maladaptive daydreaming is composed of many more symptoms than just daydreaming excessively, and considering how many of these symptoms match up to that of dissociative disorders, it can be theorised that this disorder may just be able to fall into this category. However, not enough researchers are looking into maladaptive daydreaming disorder, with many still debating if it's a disorder at all. My personal judgement is that it could definitely be labeled as such, however I am in no way a professional, and I do not know enough about other's experiences with the disorder to come to a complete conclusion. I think it could be considered a subtype of depersonalisation, but I would love to hear the opinions of others. If you have your own thoughts that you are willing to share, feel free to add them to the comments/reblog.

Sources:

x, x

#madd info #madd #maladaptive daydreaming #maladaptive daydreaming info #actually madd #maladaptive daydreaming disorder #madd information #maladaptive daydreaming information #actuallymadd #madd discussion #psychology #long post

[helisol]

dude im not sure you will get it after reading this either, but you Can read it now

okay so first of all do not expect me to adhere to rules of grammar or Proper capitalisation, I am writing from the heart

so it’s been said before by other people but if Quark and Odo didnt look like the aliens that they are but instead like two regular prettybois the fandom would do cartwheels over their dynamic and Not call them a crack ship. because really, their dynamic fucking SLAPS and I’m here to tell you Why.

their surface-level dynamic is “Respected and Talented Security Chief and Cunning Immoral Businessman who are in Love but pretend not to be” and that's just an off-brand version of enemies to lovers! which is excellent and for some people that’s all you really need to get invested in a ship.

but some people look at it and go “Hm, no, that’s not enough. I mean, they work as friends but it doesn’t really have to be romantic.” and to that I say you are Absolutely Valid, not everything has to be romantic.

it just so happens that these two fuckers have one of the most compelling romance stories ever, and it’d be a shame not to explore it.

so before I dive into the internalised homophobia and repression, I’d like to take a moment to talk about Quark as a character.

because if you have brainworms like me you can kind of see that its an honest to god greek tragedy.

this guy comes from a race of people where being kind, ethical and fair is considered Abnormal and Horrifying. and I’m not gonna call Quark out of all people kind, ethical or fair but,,, 

you ever notice how he’s A Much Better Person Than Pretty Much All Other Ferengi?

dont get me wrong, Quark is still a bastard, but every once in a while his True Character shines through. and I say True Character because guys,,, the way he behaves around other people is an Act. he’s pretending to be something he’s not.

he has to try so hard to be a good ferengi it’s honestly painful to watch at times. because he is a SHIT ferengi! 

he loves his friends- because that's what the ds9 crew are. they’re his friends! and it makes him miserable because that's not! normal! for a ferengi!

let’s compare Quark and Rom for a second. 

Quark reeks of self loathing because a lot of the time he just Doesn’t act like a ferengi is supposed to, and this drives a lot of conflict in the show. he knows how a ferengi should act, it’s just that he can’t!! fucking!! do it!! but he still tries and tries to fit into that mold, which straight up ruins his life on multiple occasions.

Rom is also not a Model Ferengi, but he lives without hating himself. and it’s mostly because he doesn’t care about how a ferengi Should act, he’s loved and cared for even when everybody knows that he’s a shit ferengi! because his non-ferengi-ness works to his benefit. it encourages and highlights his abilities as an engineer. the success and love he finds make it easy for him to be content with his true self. Unlike Quark, who doesn’t get unconditional love from anyone.

its so!! tragic!! because you can see what Quark is really like!! his true self!! he’s a nice guy who cares for people!

its right there all the time and it's so blatantly obvious. especially in episodes like “Body Parts”, “Bar Association”, “The Way Of The Warrior” and “Ferengi Love Songs”

his own wiki page literally calls him “a compassionate and generous man by ferengi standards” which pretty much translates to “not really a good ferengi”.

anyway so Quark is a tragic figure or whatever but we’re actually here for the REPRESSED! HOMOSEXUAL! TENDENCIES! that he and Odo both exhibit.

with characters like garak you don’t really need to have brainrot to pick up on those tendencies, because that was something andrew robinson chose to do, on purpose. 

and to be fair, Quark wasn’t intended to be Any kind of representation, not even by the actor. I’m just pointing out that he Does look and act and talk like a little gayman.

I will admit that he is Painfully Straight in the text of the show, but on a meta level he’s just. a dude who has a serious case of repressing his real personality. and taking it a step further- he also represses his feelings towards another man.

and that man is Odo.

a few things on him:

Odo is literally desperate to be a person. unlike Quark, who at least has the comfort of belonging to a society of people with a set of rules and expectations, Odo has never met anyone or anything like him in all his years of life.

like, we all know Odo basically grew up in a lab, right? 

with people who didn’t know anything about him. who he was so unalike that they literally called him “Nothing”

but he still learned to look and talk and act like them (because if he didn’t he’d feel *pain* which is very fucked up by the way?)

so we know for a fact that Odo wants to be recognised as a person- which is why he tries really hard to conform to the ideals of the society that raised him. instead of exploring his nature as a shape shifter he maintains a humanoid form, picks up a job and creates an entire personality around what he wants to be seen as. but not what he really is.

and that's the thing that causes all the conflict between Quark and Odo. the type of person odo wants to be seen as is the polar opposite of whatever the fuck quark wants to be seen as.

In the same way that Quark acts like a Normal Ferengi, Odo acts like a Normal Security Officer.  and in a cruel twist of fate, the Ferengi happens to be the antithesis of the Security Officer.

If you only look at them as the things they act like, and not the things they are, you might say they’re way too different to like each other, right? 

but,,, if you think about the fact that they’re both putting on this act,,, this performance of idealised versions of themselves,,, you can see that they are The Same. They Are Both Gay Repressed Loser Aliens Who Try To Act Like Things That They Aren’t!

Imagine you’re Odo. 

Imagine that you’re Nothing, because you’re not like anything anyone has ever seen- and because you are Nothing you don’t fall in love with anyone for years and years. since who could love something that isn’t like them at all?

But then one day this Thing shows up in your path and you just hate it. Because it’s not like anything *you* have ever seen. It’s disorderly and looks grotesque and it’s criminal to boot.

It’s all the things you learned would make a “Bad Person” It’s everything you aspire not to be, because if you were any of those things you would BE PUNISHED.

But the trouble is, eventually he’s not an “it” anymore, he’s “Quark” and you see him every day of your miserable little life because you live on the same damn station in space and it’s hard to avoid each other.

He also happens to be one of the only things in your life that are constant. He will never leave because he is stubborn and greedy and you just *hate him so much* that you’re convinced he must be doing all of it to spite you. And yet you also can’t seem to leave him alone.

So Odo Must Hate Quark. everything else is a non sequitur for him. he can’t not hate Quark.

because Quark is, and i’m sincerely sorry to apply christian fucking imagery to this, The Forbidden Fruit.

If he liked quark he’d admit some kind of moral failing. it would be the end of his act. but on the other hand...it might be a good thing, because at least he could have quark.

but Odo can never go through with biting into this apple because the consequences are horrifying to him. he could never have quark because, according to his performance, he would Never like quark to begin with.

and here’s a take for you: Odo's Brand Of Internalised Homophobia Doesn't Stem From Heteronormativity. It Stems From The Fact That He Was Kind Of Assigned Asexual At Birth.

and the show sort of alludes to this, for real! not just subtext! canon! except the writers used the wrong person. 

because instead of Odo having these Forbidden Feelings for Quark he has them for,,, Kira.

but since this is My Quodo Manifesto you’ll understand that i am 100% willing to just toss that part of canon out the airlock.

so Odo does canonically have that mindset of “no one could ever love me”  for decades he repressed any and all feelings of love to avoid getting hurt. in the show he breaks this cycle of repression when he takes a chance and enters a relationship with Kira. yay?

but we all know that aint it chief. and part of the reason why That Ship Ain’t It is the fact that Quark is Right There. and he is simply the more interesting choice for odo.

he and Odo literally share the same problem and have weird intertwined character arcs! they are both dreadfully afraid of not conforming to the ideal versions of themselves, so they reject everything that could challenge their Performance!

on some fucked up level they hate each other *and* themselves individually. and this hatred makes them reject parts of their real identities for the sake of protecting their image. which. yknow. in gay people. is internalised homophobia!

so you can see that they’re both repressing A Lot even if you view them as Friends, but the most important thing in this kind of romantic dynamic is usually,,, when the characters *stop* repressing.

and the thing is. the thing that Kills Me with these two. They Never Get That Moment. Thats Why You Need The Brainrot To See Them As Romantic.

The Ascent gives us an example of what happens when they both take their act too far. I mean, who could forget “Fascist!” and “Fraud!” That is what odo thinks of quark’s performance and vice versa, but we don’t really hear them adress the fact that they *are* playing these roles to a ridiculous extent.

We also never get an example of what would happen if they dropped their act instead of over-performing it. or rather we don’t get to see both of them drop it.

And the reason why we never get that moment is because there’s this one key difference between Quark and Odo. 

Quark knows that he’s constantly repressing his true nature and his feelings for odo. We pretty much hear him say so in the iconic root beer scene in Way Of The Warrior. he knows that he’s not a good ferengi but he keeps up his act.

So quark is aware enough to feel that sweet sweet self loathing. But Odo isnt self loathing as much as he is just self sabotaging.

and this subtle difference between them is why, at the very end of the show, we get “That man loves me, can’t you see? It was written all over his back!”

this moment is quark dropping his act and asking odo to do the same. he wants to hear a genuine Goodbye from him because they have known each other for Decades and they are Friends. but odo is so unable to express the feelings he’s been repressing all these years. that he self sabotages again and just walks away.

even though this is like. very anticlimactic. considering I just spent 2000 words talking about how Odo and Quark are Most Certainly Gay For Each Other.

The fact that their ending is so Weird is the reason why quodo is so engaging and appealing to me? especially post-canon quodo.

like, the amount of “what if’s” this ship has are Astounding.

What if either of them had dropped their act a little sooner? What if they both did, for just a moment, and it was the straw that breaks the camels back?

What if Odo comes back after a few years? What if Quark comes to get him?

What if, in that moment in the finale where Quark drops his act, Odo had returned the gesture? What if Gag-Reel Quodo Kiss.gif Real?

with the depth that I read into their relationship, those what ifs are really fun to think about.

anyway its 1 am and i’m not an english major so literary analysis is not like, my strong suit. plus most of this was written in a late night screaming session with a friend who has the exact same opinions as me. i just think aliens hot and in love. thats all.

#the SOUND of my HEAD hitting my DESK with TERMINAL VELOCITY #quodo #star trek

[insanelydeadlybookcollector]

Janice As Deus Ex Machina: An Essay

Janice Litman-Goralnik (née Hosenstein) is a once-a-season staple on the classic television sitcom, FRIENDS. The character is oftentimes overlooked by the FRIENDS gang but plays a crucial role in the development of the characters. 

Janice’s character is developed as a plot device and as a guide for the characters, in particular her on-again-off-again boyfriend, Chandler Bing. Janice acts the sitcom’s Manhattanite deus ex machina, where her inclusion in the story allows Chandler, as well as Joey as he becomes her friend, and Ross as he realises he's been neglectful to his friends when he sees how attentive Janice can be, to mature so that he can grow up and partake in more serious and sensible relationships. The ancient Greek literary term refers to “a concept or character introduced for the purpose of resolving a conflict and leading characters to the correct path of their journey.” She enters the story at precisely the right time to ensure positive character development. Her presence is short-lived but purposeful, whereby she acts as an assistant to Chandler Bing’s destiny but is not, and cannot be, part of his destiny herself, as she is sometimes misconstrued. 

For Chandler Bing, in particular, Janice’s arrival in the episodes of FRIENDS mark moments of low self-esteem and times where a perspective from outside the occasionally dangerously co-dependent group is necessary to grant sage advice. Often, Janice’s ephemeral presence also grants Chandler a chance for important personal growth. 

Below is a more in-depth analysis of Janice working as a deus ex machina for Chandler Bing:

1. 105 The One With The East German Laundry Detergent

Breaking up with Janice allows Chandler to experience and participate in a break up that doesn’t end in heartbreak for either party. Here she shows Chandler that breaking up does not have to equate to heartbreak, he’s been afraid of them for as long as he can remember, (almost as afraid as he is of commitment) having witnessed his parent’s devolution into terrible role models when their marriage broke down. She also gives him a chance to get to know Phoebe a little better, she’ll be important in his life as she teaches him to be comfortable in his skin. 

2. 114 The One With The Candy Hearts

In a time of self-doubt and job dissatisfaction, Janie again appears. This time with different advice. Here she is a friendly face for Chandler when his two best friends are preoccupied with others, in the immediate environment Joey has neglected Chandler for his date, but the more long term issue is the loss of Monica as she is preoccupied with helping Rachel fit into their group. The other thing she highlights for Chandler is that romance need not be permanent. Chandler has tried since his parents’ divorce to create permanent relationships in his life, he has trouble letting go of people and suffers when they let go of him. Janice leads him to the truth that not all relationships last forever. 

3. 203 The One Where Heckles Dies

Janice is pregnant when she meets Chandler next, (clearly over Chandler) and as a result, Chandler considers the place for children and a family in his future. 

4. 224 The One With Barry and Mindy's Wedding / 301 The One With The Jam

Chandler Bing has watched all of his friends pair off and is looking online for love, Janice shows up to show him he has options. She also shows up just as Monica breaks up with Richard, allowing this break up to be the first Monica has to deal with without her best friends Chandler. In doing so, Monica realises, perhaps not to the extent of comprehending it to be romantic love, that she needs Chandler’s presence in her life.

Chandler gets a chance to experience his first real relationship, he is forced to reevaluate his priorities to make room for a new person in his life and to deal with the messier aspects of relationships like custody, ex-husband’s, and disapproving friends. It is destined to not last but he gets to experience an almost-healthy relationship for the first time in his life. They break up not long after and again Chandler gets the chance to learn he is different from his father and mother. He also learns to put the happiness of someone else before his own.

5. 306 The One With The Flashback

Janice nudges both Monica and Chandler towards their long-buried feelings for each other.

6. 415 The One With All The Rugby

Janice's appearance in this episode is an uplifting one. Having lost all his confidence, Chandler needs her outside perspective that he is both a valuable person and a desired one. Her presence also allows him to realise he was never in love with her, rather, in love with his own, as well as her, infatuation.

7. 707 The One With Ross' Library Book

Planning a wedding and realising the sacrifices necessary to combine two lives, Chandler's run-in with Janice proves to both him and his fiancee that the love he and Janice may have shared was fake, flimsy and based on the unsustainable Hollywood portrayal of "movie love," ultimately assuaging any doubts he may have had about Monica and his relationship being fated, showing him that anything else is a silly idealised version of love and that what he and Monica share is takes time and effort, yes, but is real and rewarding like no other love they have been in with anybody else.

8. 824 The One Where Rachel Has A Baby

Janice arrives just as Chandler and Monica plan to start a family, reminding Chandler there is no other woman he'd like to raise a family with. And there are no other features he would want on his biological babies than Monica's nose and dimples.

9. 921 The One With The Fertility Test

Janice's surprise presence here reaps disastrous results for Chandler's sperm count, resulting in the adoption journey he and Monica take that leads them and their twins to ultimate happiness. It also ensures that the pregnancy two years later comes as a completely wonderful surprise.

Janice's role here is also to calm Chandler's fears about being a father. His friends are too close to him to see that their fruitless efforts are grating on their souls and Janice lends an outside perspective that reminds Chandler of what he's always though and felt in his heart, he and Monica are meant to be together and they're meant to have children.

10. 1015 The One Where Estelle Dies

Janice, emulating her role from season 7, gives Chandler another chance to stand up for himself, to fight for his future and his family against the force of nature that she is. He twists her words and issues guilt so that she will leave him and his family alone, finally learning that not only can he stand up for himself, but that he can do it without being hurtful and instead use his talent for wordplay and manipulation to his advantage and for the betterment of his family.

And if you don't want to read Janice as Deus ex machina, read her as the relationship that allows Chandler to grow up and stop idealising live, realising that the real this is work and takes time and is with Monica. But she does drop by like an ephemeral agent of destiny rather coincidentally when Chandler needs a boost, guiding him to happiness but never the solution to his loneliness.

There is also evidence of her guiding the other characters as well. She forces Joey to learn tolerance in a time when he has no friends outside the group. He's just lost his job and she attempts to show him how to cheer up a little. By dumping Ross she illustrates to him how ugly his moping and whining is, plus he gets to see that maybe he hasn't treated his friend, Chandler, so well if he keeps returning to this woman who smothers people with affection. And she reminds Rachel that her first priority should be Emma not her status with Ross for a time, letting her know that she has to learn to be self-sufficient and reliable to herself because no one else is going to help her raise Emma.

#janice is not chandlers soulmate #but she does help him grow #janice #friends tv #chandler bing #janice litman #janice litman-goralnik #janice hosenstein #not soulmates #deus ex machina #mondler

[zeta-in-de-walls]

Analysing Tommy and Dream’s relationship

In every encounter between Tommy’s character and Dream’s character we cannot forget the elephant in the room. The exile arc. 

Tommy became convinced Dream was his friend in exile. Even as he hurt him and caused him misery he offered Tommy some sense of companionship that Tommy was so desperately lacking. Tommy’s the kind of person who gets attached to things so easily - he’s clingy, attention-seeking and just really needs other people. It’s one of his most striking traits, making him usually very loyal and determined but also desperately, desperately lonely in isolation when he longs to feel accepted by other people for who he is. 

Tommy almost died, in exile. He didn’t want to live in a world where he was unloved and helpless to change his circumstances with Dream being as likely to lash out at him as care for him. It was only remembering his old connection, staring at old pictures of his best friend Tubbo that he found the strength to carry on and realise that Dream never really cared for him. 

And so Tommy escaped.

But the damage was done. When Tommy found Technoblade, he was desperate for affection and approval and guidance but Technoblade, while somewhat fond smply did not have Tommy’s best interests at heart. Technoblade is a violent, destructive person whose thoughts were of revenge and encouraging Tommy simply to forget his old ties and just start a new life. Ultimately, staying with Technoblade gave him security but he also became dangerously violent, lashing out at others now that he finally had a bit of power that he’d been lacking for so long. It helped him to be less petrified of Dream and come to terms with how he’d manipulated him but Tommy was not in a good headspace. 

So Tommy reconciled with his dearest friend. 

But Dream was still out to get him. This time Tommy prepared, gathering materials himself rather than purely leeching off of others and he made plans, recognising that he was in trouble and for all his power, he was not strong enough to defeat Dream. Unlike before his exile, he didn’t run in with a half-formed plan that Tubbo could see was a horrible idea - he prepared gear and secretly found himself an ally first. 

And Tommy confronted Dream and it was here he was both forced to face his worst fears - giving up his discs to dream yet again, letting dream destroy all his armour and things, almost having to watch his best friend get killed. Dream speaking in his soft voice, acting like he cared about Tommy. 

And Dream - Dream is utterly obsessed with Tommy. He’s put Tommy up on this pedestal, calling him the ‘key to the server’ and both blames him for creating conflict and believes he’s the one to create attachments that are each person’s greatest weakness. For Tommy, that was his discs. 

The discs were something Tommy treasured, they were this personal goal. Tommy had always been attached but his attachment became less healthy when he started putting them over his friends in a time of complacency and then during his exile, they developed into a very unhealthy fixation. 

But attachments are a weakness and a strength. Dream chose to remove himself from all his attachments, forgetting Spirit, blowing up the Community House and ignoring his old friends. The only people he had to rely on were the people he paid to work for him, and they both abandoned him when tides began to turn. 

Tommy gets very attached to things, ideas and people. He was an important part of what made L’Manburg so special and for his friends he would do anything, even forgive them for exiling him and turn on the person who’d helped him if he stood against Tommy’s friends. These things make Tommy happy. They help him to care and have goals. 

And when he was in trouble, people came to help him. Maybe they didn’t like a lot of things Tommy had done. But they came anyway because they knew him and they were starting to know what Dream was really like too. His obsession with control and power had turned him into a monster, willing to kill someone just because he no longer had a use for them, and to destroy things people cared about. 

And so Tommy was saved. The moment Punz and co. arrived was like that time Tommy stood on his tower above Logsteadshire and chose to live. That time, he’d had to save himself and that was so important in the first step to recovery, but it’s not enough on its own. He also needed others to come and save him too, and this time they came. After they appeared, Tommy was truly able to really get over much of his trauma. He took Dream’s things. He killed Dream. Twice. Dream tried to manipulate him again, calling him a friend in that soft voice but Tommy was able to ignore him, not being drawn in for a moment. This time had had Dream at his mercy. It was a triumphant moment for him. 

Dream was locked away and Tommy got back his discs and was finally able to listen to them in peace, finally free for the first time since Dream had trapped L’Manburg in obsidian. 

Meanwhile Dream was trapped, in an exile of his very own. It was Dream who put Tommy in exile and it was Tommy who put Dream in prison. And just like Dream visited Tommy, Tommy now visited Dream. 

These character are both so very, very different. Tommy’s brief visit to the prison had him looking for answers and he wanted to avoid manipulative behaviour, being very clear about all his thoughts and feelings. Dreams words meanwhile can rarely be trusted. And Tommy is a very caring person, selfish for love but also selflessly giving away love in equal measure. He cares not for power or control, not knowing what to do with it. Dream has always been after control and thinks love is a weakness, yet it hasn’t stopped his obsession with Tommy from growing, like cutting everything else out has turned into an unhealthy fixation. 

And yet, they have their similarities too, both have some idealised version of the past, with neither quite comfortable with change. Their both very driven and determined and both have caused conflict. And they know a lot about each other. In another life, they could’ve been the greatest of friends.

For now anyway, Tommy’s going to visit Dream. The dynamic’s been turned on its head but their past hangs between them. I don’t know what the future may hold for this relationship.

#tommyinnit #dreamwastaken #dream smp #exile arc #meta #analysis #this got long #wow i found their dynamic more interesting than ever #thank you smp! #the disc war #dream & tommy analysis

[shini--chan]

Thank you for my 2p America ask, it was great!!! Can you do it again but this 2p Canada or 1p France(your choice). By the way, what's your character limit?

Always happy to make other people happy.

Character Limit is six characters. For a rule of thumb, the entire Allies.

Yandere France x Smart!Reader

Like Kuro, Francis would be enchanted by your intelligence. But unlike Japan, however, it wouldn’t be focused on the aspect of the hunt and the thrill of the chase. In truth, he would even be fully aware that his fixation with you isn’t exactly health. From time to time doubts might keep him awake at night, or his consciousness would nag him in the back of his mind. However, he would brush these off as irrational and would even go as far as to delude himself that his attachment towards you is normal.

 In the beginning, it would be difficult to detect the red flags because firstly it is normal for France to be a very sentimental person and secondly he tends to rather affectionate to the people around him – giving away compliments like hot buns, touching people on the arm or the back, giving them kisses on the cheek as a greeting even if it is just the second time he has met them… The list goes on, and concluding, it is easy for apparent red flags to go down or simply misconstrued as Francis being Francis. 

“Such a wonderful work of art. Don’t you agree (f/n)?”, Francis asked as he approached you from behind. A few seconds you didn’t even bother to look his way, as engrossed with the painting as you were.

He couldn’t help but appreciate your taste. It was one of David’s finer works, Paris and Helen of Troy seated side be side, both displaying that coy manner that was usually reserved for lovers. And it was lovers that could only fully understand it.

Light-heartedly, you gave him a quick glance over your shoulder along with a pleasant smile. That reminded France of why he often fantasized about being in a similar position as the tragic prince that was depicted in oil on a century old canvas. Maybe it was because it felt like his love for you was something similarly sacrilegious and still holy, like it had been endorsed by the powers that be just to inflict suffering on the world.

Gracefully coming to stand beside you, he laid a gentle hand on the small of your back. For you moment you tensed at that only to then remember that this was typical behaviour of France and that you therefore shouldn’t read into it.

“Yes”, you said and after a long, contemplative pause carried on: “But I like his more aggressive works better. The Oath of the Horiaters for example.”

Francis frown at that. The paintings you were referring to were far more sinister, death in victory. Why of all things did you like the works of Jacques David that displayed his break with the Rocco art style?

He thought it would suit you much better. Art was supposed to be gentle, like a caramel in silk wrappings, that would tenderly melt on the tongue when consumed. One day, he would convert you to see the world through his eyes.

“Why?”

“Because they are more captivating. They carry so much more emotion it is hard not to be moved by them.”

Of course, it would come to the point where you couldn’t overlook his unhealthy style of attachment. In the beginning, you might even fall for him. France would be everything you could seek in a lover: understanding, affectionate and possessing a certain quality of grace that is rare. Over time, however, you would start to notice how his words are so carefully crafted to guide you down a path chosen by him, how he is strangely possessive, how he makes the most choices in the house, especially for you. The realisation would most certainly bum rush you after the honeymoon phase is over.

France would viciously deny that you’re anything but tailor-made for each other, or that he isn’t the perfect lover. It would be a particularly sore thing for you to confront him and speak the truth. He would act like everybody does when an uncomfortable truth is dished out for them, something that they subconsciously know to be undisputable but won’t consciously accept.  

“Please, ma cherie. I love you with all my heart. Why can’t you see that?”, he pleaded with you. At this point he was close to tears, out of frustration and anger and sadness.

Slowly, you shook your head in that condescending manner that he would never have guessed would be directed at him. As you backed towards the door, you continued with your onslaught of scalding words:

“No, you don’t love me. You love yourself, so stop lying to yourself!”

Francis opened his mouth to counter just how ludicrous your claims were, you unabashedly walked over him.

“Don’t say a thing. You don’t love me for who I am – you have this idealised version of me in your head that you want to mould me into. Furthermore, you want me to give you my under adulterated and unconditional affection regardless of how you treat me.

“For you, I am just a means of satisfying your needs, of giving you the gratification you so desperately crave. To you, I am just a means to an end. Then let me say, that to me you’re just a selfish, narcissistic bastard.”

Such cruel accusations, couldn’t you understand basic human empathy?

Upon seeing his shatter expression that was twisted with unending denial, you sneered:

“Are you really so desperate to relive your empire days; Bonnefoy?”

#yandere hetalia #yandere france #yandere x reader #yandere hetalia x reader #x reader #x smart!reader #hcs

[fusonzai]

I think I'm talking about confidence, I'm not too sure.

I was fifteen when I first saw Great Teacher Onizuka. My friend had lent me the DVD set (as you did when it was 2008) and I was about to spend the day watching it, feigning some illness to get out of school for the day. I needed some time alone, to process everything that had been going on around me.

For context, my parents were in the middle of a divorce. My mum, the most amazing person in the world to me, was not having a good time and I was not at all possessed with the skills to help her cope. Processing the concept of divorce, while trying to mediate the two adults going through it, wasn’t something I could handle. I didn’t know what I was doing. I needed a whole day away from friends and away from parents. While everyone was at their day job, I could think about everything and nothing, uninterrupted.

My attempt at getting out of school worked, however it came with a caveat. Mum had decided she’d take the day off with me. Feeling defeated but still stubborn, I insisted that if she was going to stay home too that we were watching GTO. I really had no idea what I was getting myself into.

GTO begins with our protagonist, Eikuchi Onizuka, squatting down by a payphone, trying to stare up the skirts of some high school girls coming down the nearby escalator. That’s a bold open. Two delinquents notice this and attempt to then extort him for cash. He promptly beats them up, forcing them to use all the money they have to buy him some food from the nearby convenience store. This scene establishes a few things straight off the bat: Onizuka is, first and foremost, a pervert and he’s physically strong but not to the point of unfairly asserting dominance over others. Onizuka dreams of being a teacher of all things. He wants to be the teacher he never had, being there for students outside the classroom as well as in. The series showcases Onizuka using his ex-biker gang leader skills and sheer determination to change the attitude of the antagonist students in his class. Each week he solves the reason behind their resistance toward him and they join his team until eventually he really is the Great Teacher, Onizuka.

The first delinquent problem Onizuka solves is that of Mizuki Nanako. Her parents aren’t divorced but they’re not exactly doing well. Ever since her father’s company started doing well and they moved into a mansion, she feels as though her parents just aren’t seeing eye to eye anymore. She blames it on a simple wall separating her parents’ private rooms. Before it got put up, her parents would talk and laugh together, sharing in their joys but also their defeats. Then before she knew it, they put a wall up and stopped sharing anything at all.

So, Onizuka arrives at her house. He’s got a bandana tied around his head, his abs gleaming as he’s smoking a cigarette. More importantly, he’s holding a sledgehammer, ready to demolish that wall. With her parents yelling at him threatening to call the police, Onizuka ascends the staircase and begins to take down that wall. Every powerful swing, shaking the wall and cracking the foundation.

(What a man what a man what a man what a might good man)

It felt cruel watching this scene with my mum. Here we were, two people still trying to process a big life event, opting to spend the day away from the problem. Here Onizuka was, just smashing through the problem with nothing but conviction, stupidity and sheer confidence. I couldn’t quite conceptualise the thought just yet but I think I envied that confidence. I wanted to be able to take a sledgehammer to this invisible problem and fix it. I didn’t know what an actual sledgehammer would solve nor was I even able to figure out what my situational sledgehammer would be, I just knew I wanted to be more like that. I wanted that confidence; I just didn’t know what it was yet.

Confidence. A complete assuredness in your actions. You may not have any idea of the outcome of said actions but you’re certain in the choice you made taking them. Maybe that’s just one definition. I struggle to this day with how to define confidence, I’ve been confident at different times in my life for different reasons. Mainly it’s been something I’ve found as I’ve gotten older though.

I struggled a lot with it when I was younger. I’d struggle to find it and when I did there was someone there trying to take it from me almost immediately. Pink polos were gay, skinny jeans were gay, being interested in anything outside the norm was gay as well. I wasn’t bullied by any means but there was always somebody around to tell you what they thought. I’d fold under that kind of pressure. I remember when I was 10 and we were in music class, I sang a little too loud and the popular girls behind me started pointing and laughing, clipping me before I got too sure of myself.

I got older and I thought I’d found confidence through weight training, but it was just arrogance. I genuinely thought I was better than other people in my creative writing class because I picked heavy things up and put them down. Of course, this had a drawback, whenever I’d meet someone bigger than me, I’d feel pathetic, jealous and inferior. I thought I’d rid myself of this arrogance when I started studying Japanese. My initial study was diligent and excessive. I’d have two Japanese classes a week and spend the rest of my time after work revising. Looking back now it was necessarily efficient studying, but in terms of time put in the hours were there. I believed I was working hard, which led to this arrogance in my abilities. An arrogance that was swiftly cut down whenever I met somebody better than me.

So, I always arrived at this juncture where I’d learn a new skill or hobby and wonder how to be confident in myself without comparing myself to others. I didn’t quite know how to praise myself for doing well at the gym or learning something new in Japanese without immediately comparing myself to others. It meant that I’d occasionally have these emotional highs when I achieved something only to be brought down to earth when I saw that somebody could do it better. I didn’t know how to make my achievements my own. The confidence I had was too fickle, it didn’t come from within and it often led to feeling superior to others based off of a single quantifier.

I was still uncomfortable with myself. I wanted outside validation which led to comparison, boasting and arrogance. I didn’t realise that I couldn’t get any of that from anyone else, it all had to come from within.

It’s taken me 14 years, but Onizuka finally made sense to me. I was watching the incredibly famous (in Japan) live action version of GTO one night, which turned into a nostalgia trip as all the episodes were almost identical to their anime equivalent. As I was watching I was wondering why I still hold this fictional character in such high regard, of all the powerful charismatic anime protagonists I watched in my teenage years, why does Onizuka persevere?

It’s because he’s kind of a dork.

(Get you a man that can do both)

Along with the confidence and strength that being a protagonist in a medium geared towards young boys affords you, Onizuka also has some very human flaws and vulnerabilities. The intense scenes like surprise renovating Nanako’s house or rescuing a whole bunch of kids from a gang are always juxtaposed with him being absolutely wayward in so many other aspects of life. He lives at the school because he can’t afford rent, he’s 26 and never had a girlfriend and his only friends are his students. We are always shown that his confidence isn’t intrinsically linked to how well his life is going, it’s just his feeling and determination in the moment. For all that bravado we see, we’re also shown the more human, relatable aspects. He’s amazing, brave and confident, but at the same time he’s still vulnerable and human.

Yet here’s the thing, I thought confidence meant a lack of vulnerability. I thought one couldn’t be both confident and vulnerable. This isn’t some segue into Boys Don’t Cry or a delve into masculinity. I didn’t believe that vulnerability wasn’t masculine, I just thought that vulnerability meant you had a long way to go before you were allowed to be confident.

(These lines go from bravado to insecurity in an instant, but I still think Tyler is confident as fuck)

I show what I feel to be the pretty vulnerable content on this blog. I write about my doubts and insecurities, the events that shaped me and the times in my life where I really felt at my lowest. I document the struggle I find myself in now, trying to carve something for myself and come to terms with the changes that keep happening around me. I don’t think anybody reading this would have an image of me as an outgoing, confident person. There’s rays of positivity sprinkled in occasionally but it’s generally content that I struggle to tell people in person.

Before starting this blog, I would have imagined that if I wanted to become this confident idealised version of myself, I’d need to erase any form of vulnerability. Delete the Instagram posts with moody lyrics, delete the couple shots and stop caring. I’d need to kill part of myself to become someone different. I couldn’t consciously accept that they were two signs of the same coin, even if I knew it in the back of my mind. The more I’ve been writing the better I’ve been feeling. These fears and insecurities being out in the open don’t make me any weaker, they actually feel like progress. My weaknesses will exist regardless of whether or not I tell people about them, my insecurities won’t disappear overnight. I’ll never be someone I’m not. What I can do is take these things that used to terrify me and put them out in the open. In my last piece I waxed on about making my words my own, by verbalising and bringing these thoughts into the open I feel like they become my own. They’re not completely stripped of power but they don’t hold the same sway over me that they once did.

So that leaves me with confidence. I can air my vulnerabilities and doubts but then where does my confidence come from? How do I then stop it from becoming arrogance?

Let me tell you about Charisma Man.

You know how when Superman goes back to Krypton he’s just a regular person, but on Earth he’s basically a God? Charisma Man is a joke (turned comic) about how Western Men often believe themselves to be Superman on Earth when they move to Japan. Why? You’re basically bombarded with compliments from the get-go. You get told your Japanese is amazing (when it’s not), that you’re so tall (when you’re short back home) and that you’re such a handsome man (when all experiences up until now have led you to believe the opposite). Thus, you create a kind of false confidence for yourself. Or do the people around you do it for you? You yourself haven’t changed but the people around you have, and they’re whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

(Honestly didn't know it was a comic, initially heard of it on a subreddit making fun of other expats in Japan)

Hell, maybe I am good looking? I studied Japanese for a year back home, maybe I am just really good at it? Maybe those people around me back home were just obnoxiously tall and mean. Maybe I am the shit. You begin to formulate this new identity for yourself. You are Charisma Man now. You’ll be making heaps of money, have girls on standby and be loved by everybody in no time.

Except that never happens.

The reality of Charisma Man isn’t so bright. You’re probably an English teacher living somewhere far away from the big city. Your apartment is probably small and old and your salary is half as much as you were making back home. Despite being told about how good your Japanese is, you still can’t turn on the TV and watch a program. You still can’t go to the bank and open an account with your bilingual Japanese friend. You’re still single and you’re probably getting fatter off convenience store fried chicken, if anything.

It’s fake confidence with no merit, built on nothing. You haven’t put yourself out there or done anything to earn that confidence so it always feels foreign to you. There isn’t some feat you perform or some hurdle you cross to get that kind of confidence. You’re not smashing walls with your sledgehammer or confronting your fears and growing. You just get fed compliments until your confidence balloon bursts.

I felt like I was Charisma Man for a hot minute. Separated from everyone I knew, out drinking every night, being complimented left right and centre. I kept trying and failing to keep my feet on the ground. Back then I thought it was new-found confidence, but I wasn’t really coming out of my shell; I was just being obnoxious. After long the facade faded and I realised I was the exact same Elliot I was back in Australia, just with less money and a nicer haircut.

I began to think about my experience. Why was I so confident? Why did it dissipate so quickly? Why was I not the only one that experienced this little phenomenon?

I came to the conclusion that confidence can come from many places. It can come from other people, but then it’s reliant on the praise of others. It’s shallow, fickle and bound to dissipate sooner rather than later. You’re constantly reliant on the praise of others to affirm who you are as a person, you can fool people into giving you praise but that goes away before you know it as well.

It’s a big enough of a struggle to understand yourself, it’s near impossible to understand strangers. Relying on such an unstable form of validation is essentially just inviting mental trauma in the long run.

On the other hand, confidence can also come from within.

After I distanced myself from all that charisma, I began to realise that I felt my best and my most confident when I actually put the work in. I started properly studying, eating well, and writing down my thoughts. It didn’t matter as much if people didn’t say anything, because I went to bed every night knowing that I put in enough work. Nobody said anything about the change, but I felt like I was becoming my own biggest supporter.

It’s both rewarding and daunting when you switch dopamine suppliers. I used past tense in those last few sentences because that particular fountain hasn’t been flowing so well lately. The flip side of not letting other people’s compliments fuel you anymore is that when you’re not doing right by yourself, that confidence tend to dry up pretty quickly.

[inviral-a]

Actually  wanna  talk  about  some  stuff  about  William’s  life  &  the  people  in  it  rn  so  I’m  going  to  smash  out  a  big  messy  post:  

In  my  hc  Williams  mother  was  pretty  awesome,  she  was  a  single  mum  but  she  did  everything  right,  up  until  Umbrella  got  rid  of  her  so  they  could  have  total  access  to  William  since  he  was  a  minor  (14) when  they  first  contacted  her  about  him  participating  in  the  training  facility.  It  wasn’t  anything  Linda  did  wrong,  she  was  a  good  person  & did  her  best.  William  has  extremely  fond  memories  of  her. &  maybe  it  was  this  positivity  &  warmth  in  William’s  early  life  that  ‘sheltered’  him  from  becoming  the  same  breed  of  monster  that  a  lot  of  his  collages  became.  

Anyway  we  also  have  his  wife  Annette.  She  was  smart  as  hell  &  also  apparently  a  bad  ass.  A  lot  of  people  judge  Annette &  make  fun  of  her  but  like  her  motive  for  behaving  as  she  did  in  RE2,  particularly  in  the  remake,  was  because  she  was  thinking  of  the  greater  good,  not  just  of  herself.  She  is  a  very  complex  character,  she  was  wracked  with  guilt &  took  it  upon  herself  to  try & stop  G/the  spread  of  G /  the  outbreak  in  the  city  herself,  which  though  seems  kind  of  silly  from  an  outside  perspective,  is  entirely  understandable  from  HER  perspective  given  how  closely  she  worked  with  William -  like  it  does  actually  make  sense  that  Annette  would  feel  full  responsibly  for  what  was  happening  & feel  driven  above  all  to  try & stop  it. I  also  think  she  was  a  huge  factor  in  William  being  motivated  to  leave  umbrella & take  G  elsewhere.   Annette  seemed  to  be  the  “voice  of  reason”  between  them  since  William  was  so  invested  in  his  work,  another  thing  that  made  sense  given  this  had  been  an  enormous  part  of  William’s  life  since  he  was  15-16.  William  needed  that  influence,  Annette  was  really  a  lot  of  William’s  connection  with  “reality”  or  with  the  world  outside  of  Umbrella  in  a  lot  of  ways. Makes  sense  for  them  both  though  given  it  seems  the  two  of  them  didn’t  actually  intend  for  G  to  be  a  weapon.  That  seems  to  be  very  much  in  line  with  Annette’s  character.  The  two  of  them  clearly  wanted  to  be  able  to  spend  more  time  with  their  daughter  as  well.  Annette  is  the  one  who  reminds  William  how  long  hes  spending  at  the  lab &  that  Sherry  misses  him.  Honestly  the  whole  letter  is  a  pretty  good  insight  into  the  Birkin  family  &  what  was  really  going  on  with  them.  I  think  it  really  shows  how  normal  they  were  outside  of  Umbrella. Honestly  it  doesn’t  make  sense  for  Annette  or  even  William,  to  be  genuinely  evil  people  with  this  in  mind -  I  mean  the  fact  Annette  &  William  ever  had  a  relationship  with  this  in  mind  indicates  that  William  wasn’t  the  same  breed  of  megalomaniac  sociopath  as  what  is  common  in  the  series.   Annette  seemed  to  love  William  because  he  wasn’t &  they  appeared  to  share  a  vision  of  improving  the  human  race,  genuinely,  genuinely  seems  they  had  the  idea  of  ultimately  helping  all  people,  rather  than  wiping  out  select  individuals  they  didn’t  agree  with  or  who  weren't  “worthy”  of  “evolution”  & putting  themselves  as  the  rulers  of  this  ‘new  world’.  That  wasn’t  at  all  the  Birkin’s  shtick.

&  speaking  of  Sherry  herself.  Though  she  was  a  little  ‘neglected’  at  times  her  parents  clearly  both  loved  her  dearly.  Sherry  is  a  really  smart,  mature,  well  adjusted  kid  in  RE2.  I  mean  be  freshly  12   &  survive  what  Sherry  did.  She’s  not  a  child  who’s  ever  been  abused  or  who  has  not  been  treated  or  ‘raised’  right.  She  is  a  little  lonely  because  her  parents  worked  so  much  but  overall  she’s  credit  to  them &  you  don’t  often  have  a  kid  turning  out  that  way  if  you  don’t  love  it  &  nurture  it  to  some  extent.  Speaking  of  its  something  Annette  gets  mad  hate  for,  more  than  William  weirdly  enough  (  🙄 ),  this  idea  that  Annette  was  never  there  for  Sherry.  Not  true.  Out  of  the  two  of  them  shes  clearly  the  one  who  spent  most  of  the  time  with  Sherry.  Though  she  went  to  work  &  put  a  lot  of  time  into  her  work, out  of  the  two  of  them  its  obvious  Annette  is  the  one  who  went  home  at  the  end  of  the  day  &  cared  for  their  daughter.   William  was  the  one  who  worked  ridiculous  hours,  like  spending  almost  an  entire  week  at  the  NEST, without  coming  home.  He  was  also  noted  to  frequently  go  at  least  a  whole  day  without  sleep.  William  was  the  one  doing  all  the  hard  hours  at  the  lab,  away  from  Annette &  Sherry  who  were  obviously  at  home.  It  seems  Annette  only  worked  of  a  day  time &  came  home  during  the  end  of  the  day  to  obviously  look  after  Sherry.

I  also  find  it  super  funny/stupid  how  the  fandom  seems  to  pretend  that  the  Birkins  were  totally  cold  to  each  other,  with  William  being  totally  uninterested  in  Annette  who  was  just  there  because  she  couldn’t  take  a  hint  or  that   Annette  was  this  controlling  woman  &  William  was  just  her  dumb  bitch. Like  to  some  extent  maybe  but  overall  William  was  still  the  “breadwinner”  so  to  speak.  Like  what  I  think  was  common  for  most  families  during  this  time  period  William  was “the  man”  who  worked  stupid  long  hours  &  was  expected  to  handle  the  finances &  business  /  “important”  aspects  of  their  lives  &  Annette,  while  also  working  herself,  handled  the  family  aspect,  ie  raising  their  daughter  &  looking  out  for  the  welfare  of  all  of  them  ect.

Although  unlike  what  is  “expected”  of  such  a  family  I  think  Annette  did  have  a  big  influence  in  everything  because  William,  regardless  to  his  position  at  Umbrella,  respected  her  thoughts  & opinions  &  thought  she  was  fully  capable  of  making  decisions  for  them.  William  was  definitely  a  “ask  your  mother”  kind  of  guy  & I  don’t  think  he  was  doing  too  much  without  Annette’s  knowledge  or  approval  but  it  also  seems  that  was  actually  a  mutual  thing.  Annette,  apparently,  greatly  admired  William &  never  felt  he  was  incapable  of  anything  or  that  she  had  to  control  anything.  They  actually  read  to  me  as  equals  in  their  relationship,  not  one  dominating  too  extensively  over  the  other.

Also  been  meaning  to  talk  about  Wesker . .  .   I  think,  with  all  this  in  mind,  Wesker  was  probably  William’s  only &  strongest  “male”  role  model.  William  didn’t  know  his  father  &  never  really  bonded  with  any  of  his  mother’s  boyfriends.  He  doesn’t  remember  being  overly  fond  of  any  of  them  or  having  really  anything  in  common  with  any  one  of  them.   Keeping  in  mind  William  met  Albert  when  he  was  only  15  & Albert  was  17.  He  very  quickly  became  someone  William  admired  &  looked  up  to  because  he  was  just  that  ‘cool  older  guy’  that  William  was  so  alike  but  so  unalike  in  the  sense  that  while  William  was  a  little  shy  & timid,  Albert  was  confident  & collected  at  all  times,  they  were  completely  opposite  in  that  sense.  That  being  said,  its  probably  true  that  the  Albert  that  William  saw  &  who  lives  in  William’s  mind  isn’t  the  real  Albert  or  at  least  thats  not  who  he  remained.  Its  a  very  idealised  version  of  him.  One  that  was  born  of  William  knowing  him  since  they  were  basically  kids  &  being  so  close  to  him.

Which  is  why  he  does  have  trouble  believing  /  understanding  who  Albert  becomes  in  later  years.  Because  its  not  really  who  William  thought  he  was.  &  it  is  difficult  to  come  to  grips  with  that  or  understand  it  entirely.   William  &  Albert  started  to  ‘drift’  apart  during  the  “Alexia  incident”.  William  fell  into  his  depression  &  Albert  became  more  interested  in  Spencer  in  the  meantime  perhaps  as  a  distraction  for  the  ‘chaos’  Alexia’s  existence  had  caused  in  their  work  place  that  quickly  formed  into  its  own  obsession.  William  probably  always  assumed  Weskers  “odd”  behaviours  were  because  of  Alexia  as  well  as  he  didn’t  seem  too  pleased  by  her  either  but  regardless  if  Alexia  didn’t  happen  &  things  had  continued  at  the  Arkley  facility  its  possible  William  &  Annette  wouldn’t  have  happened  &  Wesker  never  would  have  became  as  focused  on  Spencer  as  he  did.  Just  seems  to  be  a  perfect  storm  of  events  to  me. 

This  is  the  time  where  everything  “changed”  between  them  &  they  began  going  “their  own”  ways.  Regardless,  William  never  stopped  thinking  of  Wesker  the  way  he  knew  him  so  knowing  Wesker  now  feels  like  an  entirely  different  person  &  it  feels  like  a  change  that  has  just  came  out  of  the  blue  for  William.  But  thats  one  of  William’s  problems.  He  doesn’t  notice  a  whole  lot  outside  of  his  little  bubble  so  when  he  does  notice  something  he  tends  to  feel  a  little  blindsided  by  it.  Again,  trying  not   to  speak  too  much  on  Weskers  POV.  I  am  majorly  speaking  about  my  own  take  on  Wesker  here  because  thats  my  default  as  I  don’t  have  one  I  write  with  or  anything.  I’ll  probably  make  a  HC  post  focused  on  him  on  my  multi  at  some  point  that  goes  into  things  a  little  more  too !  But  for  rn.  Wesker’s  probably  the  only  “negative”  influence  in  William’s  life  but  he  wasn’t  always.  Wesker  being  “evil”  is  kind  of  a  new  thing  for  William. 

#⊰ ° ⊚ ● 𝄪 ° ━◞ OUT OF CHARACTER ⊱ #⊰ ° ⊚ ● 𝄪 ° ━◞ HEADCANONS ⊱ #No one: #Me: -all this shit- #man i dont need any more re muses but... Annette Birkin....

[faire-rosalind]

😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️ From this point onward I started shipping them (actually later in this scene is the real part where you see how well they play off of each other but that part I will post next time haha) (and who am I kidding, I shipped them since that dance practise scene).

This whole chapter gives us a better look into both of them and kind of insinuates that they were talking and starting to form some sort of friendship or connection before Louis disappeared. Also I loved this part for Juno's character because here she really stops being some kind of secondary love interest that serves for development of Legosi's and Haru's relationship, but we see her outside of that narrative. I love the way that her relationships with Legosi and Louis are so contrasted. With Legosi at the beginning (and so far in the anime) she is this idealised version of herself, innocent, shy, proper, following all the rules of who she should be and who she should love. But than we see her for the first time with Louis and this mask of ideal female grey wolf gets shattered. She is not evil or bad but we see that she is ambitious, hard working, outspoken and ready to fight for what she wants. Whenever I see her with him I don't feel like she is there to just serve his character development but that we see a character of her own, all the good and bad sides of her.

Also I really like that he went out with her when she found him, I don't think that would have been his response for someone else. His monologue while opening up really says a lot about their relationship but also about who he is slowly becoming. To think that a character who spent so much of his life trying to hide his vulnerabilities and appear sure of himself can just like that talk about them to a complete no one, I really don't believe so.

#beastars #legosi #louis beastars #beastars louis #juno beastars #beastars juno

[daughterofanarcissistwoman]

Conceptualising narcissistic invalidation as supply

Once you understand the disordered thinking driving the narcissist’s invalidation, you can begin depersonalising this very personal attack. Truly you will.

By seeing through their mask, in time you develop understanding that their dismantling of you has very little to do with you as a person. Rather, it has everything to do with them as a person.

So here we go…

To protect themselves from facing the reality of their true selves, the narcissist creates a mask, their ‘false-selves’, which is all about being beyond reproach. Maintaining their fragile make-believe world depends on reinforcing beliefs held that they are ‘perfect’.

Disproving the reality of who they are without the mask, drives their existence.

This results in the fixation to constantly source supply. For the narcissist, this is their validation.

Unlike emotionally healthy people however, the pathological narcissist’s version of validation is not contingent on acceptance and understanding. Letting things & people be without the need to change them is not something the narc can do.

Rather, validation (and by this I mean validating them, your needs are completely irrelevant to them) is all about controlling and manipulating you into giving them the hit of supply they constantly crave.

Because supply is needed for their survival, they will score it at any cost. The hunt for validation is an obsession for the narcissist.

This is how it plays out…

Narcissistic invalidation in action

Denial

Thing is, being perfect is not a thing.

You and I know this, but the pathological narcissist cannot accept this.

It’s therefore unsurprising that pursuing substantiation of being such a mythical being is fraught with difficulties that cannot be resolved.

To handle these inconveniences, during the genesis of their disorder, the pathological narcissist divided the world into two extremes: the good and the bad. The perfect and the deeply, irrevocably flawed. The black & the white.

This need to allocate people, things, and events into one of the two extremes due to the inability to intellectually integrate both negative and positive qualities in the one entity, is referred to as splitting.

Obviously, the pathological narcissist allocates themselves to the all good/perfect category. And those who validate this view are of value to the narc, often idealised.

However, anyone who does not support this view is rejected, devalued and assigned the ‘all bad’ label.

Facts and logic don’t play into it. The ONLY thing that matters is that your thoughts, feelings, and experiences are negated.

Devaluation takes place by invalidating you, which to the disordered mind of the narcissist, validates their elevated status.

Unfounded contrariness reaches new heights in the world of the narcissist!

And this is the foundation of narcissistic invalidation.

In their minds, by denying you, in relation to whatever, means you cannot catch them out on their own denial about who they really are.

.. During idealisation when you were love bombed to hook you into being a reliable source of supply, it was ALL about validating you. To successfully reel you into the relationship the narc was hyper focused on making you feel acknowledged, valued, listened to, cared for, accepted, and understood.

Enter devaluation and discard, and the flip has taken place.

Validation, no longer needed once you are hooked, is ditched. Invalidation becomes the norm to break down your strength and identity so that you remain dependent and compliant as a source of supply. Now you face relentless:

Arguments about seemingly everything you express citing that you are illogical, your view is groundless and invalid, perhaps even crazy irrespective of facts

Rejection, dismissiveness, and/or your needs, thoughts, and emotions are ignored

Judgements that you are being defective in some way

In each of these scenarios you can see how denial and diversion are at work.

The inference in all of these are that you are wrong, and they are right. That you are flawed and of no worth to them.

Drilling down further, you know these tactics are being used when you hear things like:

You shouldn’t feel that way

You’re over-reacting/too sensitive

You take things too seriously

You’re wrong, that isn’t how you feel, this is how you feel…

You have no right to feel that way

I never said that/that never happened/it’s all in your head

It wasn’t that bad/it could be worse

You have things so much better than others

You should be grateful for everything I do for you

Nobody else agrees with you/has a problem with it

There’s something wrong with you/you’ve got big problems/you’re crazy

Get over it already

I’m not going to talk to you about this

Conversely…you could hear nothing at all. Crickets.

Body language, and silence however, are just as potent in negating your worth, arguably more so than carefully selected poisoned words.

When we internalise it

Ultimately, narcissistic invalidation serves to convey that your value exists only within the context of the narc’s own needs. Any incompatibility with this is not permitted.

Devastatingly, the invalidation you are punished with conditions you to comply by suppressing all that makes you, you.

When your own needs, thoughts, experiences, and emotions are voided to be replaced by those of the narc, you have effectively been erased.

Know that even if you feel somewhat transparent already, you can reclaim all that is you.

https://narcwise.com/2018/07/20/invalidation-and-narcissism/

#narcissistic abuse #emotional abuse #psychological abuse #verbal abuse #domestic abuse #gaslighting #invalidation #minimization

[llamagoddessofficial]

Dart tries to endear himself to Thread again when she's the only MC-adjacent option left. Thread knows this and has self-respect now (and three way better bfs) and horrible-nightmare-bastard-man has to grovel if he wants her attention back. It's humiliating. It's beneath him. He's basically all-powerful. He is desperately BEGGING her to let him stitch up a loose hem for her to prove he can at least still be useful to her. Please...

Couldn’t help it. I wrote a bit.

“please.”

He couldn’t believe this. He was all-powerful. He was the creator of this world, the creator of everyone in the world... He made her, for fuck’s sake! She owed him everything! He stitched her together, he threaded in and combed out each string of yarn in her hair, every seam and line was his work...

... His first work...

... And here he was. Grovelling. Kneeling in front of her, gripping onto the bottom of her shirt, face pressed into the fabric.

He’d tried to make small dolls to fill the emptiness, after you left with the real versions of everyone and he’d been so absorbed in his own fury that he’d confined himself to a small, inaccessible area of the anti-void, not wanting to even look at his ‘failed’ creations and the happiness they were making together. Little, soft dolls had been his only way to pass the time, to have some, ANY company. One of Stitch, Patch... fuck, even Lockstitch, the failure who ruined everything by keying you into the fact that everything was fake. He’d worked so hard on the doll of Thread, every seam perfect... he refused to admit to himself that it was because he missed her so much, he missed them all so much, he missed having people so speak to and listen to and touch and feel...

He kept telling himself he didn’t need anyone. And all the while, he was meticulously and obsessively brushing out the yarn hair of a lookalike toy in empty silence while the finished others sat nearby. All the while he was trying to fill the gaps in his Soul with lookalikes of the people he’d desperately hoped could be his make-believe friends. All the while... he was hugging an inanimate object close to his chest and silently begging it to hug back.

... That’s all he’d ever wanted, wasn’t it? Company. Love. He was never that Sans, the one he saw being loved by you, the one he saw surrounded by others who cared. He was some kind of creature who’d mimicked ‘Sans’ to the point of losing it’s own identity. He was never meant to have that life... he just peered into another universe and saw so much love, so much happiness, and he wanted it. He was overcome with loneliness and jealousy. He wanted that life, he wanted it so badly... 

... And he thought that if he copied every detail, he could have it. He thought if he made himself look like a Sans and act like a Sans, if he made creatures that looked and acted like ‘Red’ and ‘Skull’, if he had you...

... He wouldn’t be alone anymore.

“... How did you get in here?” Thread asked. “Where’s Patch?”

She was angry. And cautious. Understandably... he threw her away when she wasn’t close enough to what he’d idealised. He was so stupid... a perfect, willing person to love him, right there, waiting... and he’d thrown her away because she didn’t match the fantasy he’d latched onto and built his whole world around.

“he’s asleep. p... please.” He was so unused to asking for anything. He always just... got it. “please. j-just let me... please, please!”

“Calm down. Stop touching me.” One hand pressed against his shoulder, the other tried to pry his hand off her shirt. “Dart. Let me go, I don’t want you here.”

He felt his Soul clench tightly, painfully. Just hearing her say that made so many emotions well up inside him- anger (how dare she!? i made her, who does she think she is?!), fear (don’t make me be alone again, please, please), panic, loneliness, desperation... his gut response was to cling tighter to her shirt, and he felt the sharp ends of his phalanges start to cut into the fabric.

“Let me go.” She had more conviction in her voice. More conviction in everything... she knew she had protection. She had protection and love now, the two things he denied her. “I’ll scream.”

He blurted it out. “i know your wrist seam is loose.”

...

... She froze at that. He heard the rustle as her hand instinctively snapped up and covered her left wrist- an oversized hoodie conveniently masking the area.

The others hadn’t seen. But he’d seen... you see so much when you’re stalking from the shadows, when you're forced to remain on the outside of the box.

“... H... how do you...”

... He finally made himself pull his face away from her shirt, still gripping it so tight it was tearing slightly. He looked up, into her cute little buttons that served as eyes... God, why did he miss those shiny little buttons more than he missed your real eyes? Why did it make him so angry that he couldn’t just grab her and make her be with him?

Why was he trying so hard?

“...i made you. i can tell when you’re hurt.” His voice felt so thin. It was the first conversation he’d had with another living being in what felt like years, but was most likely only a week. “... i’m... the only one who can sew you. i can fix it.”

... She didn’t respond. She just stared at him. 

...

“... please. i can be useful. just... just let me fix it. let me mend something, i-instead of breaking. please.”

He rose to his feet, slowly, taking her damaged hand in both of his. The material he’d stitched her out of was so soft, so fragile... He could feel his Soul pounding faster and faster against his ribs with every passing moment. He didn’t even think he’d get this far; he thought she’d see him and immediately scream for Patch, and his old hound would tear him into ribbons in a cruelly ironic death.

(He had learnt, very quickly, that Patch could cut through his strings with the blade-like ends of his legs. Dart almost found it funny that the monster that’d once been at his beck and call could destroy him so easily.)

A crease formed between Threads brows as she thought. Even the fact that she was considering just proved to Dart that she was so much kinder and more loving than he could ever be. He’d never understand how he, a cruel, desperate and pathetic abomination had managed to create something so pure, so kind...

... So forgiving.

... 

...

“... Alright.” Thread said. “... Just the wrist. If you try anything, I’ll scream.”

... His Soul jumped into his throat. 

... All he could manage was a small nod.

“... g-give me your hand. i can show you the stitch i used...”

#llamagines #is that......redemption i smell? #OwO??? #coraline au

[neworoldnews]

If your attention was ever caught by a fascinating theme, you know the feeling of being sucked into a mental dialogue.

Your inner voice, usually wandering on its aimless distractions, suddenly clicks! Dropping through a vortex of questions that curiosity begs to scratch.

This synchronised state of mind is rarely triggered during our daily tasks. So when it kicks, you are pumped with a focus strong enough to keep you wondering for hours. The Perception-high.

You mostly navigate in a pre-digested world, seeing what you would expect to see. Conditioned by predispositions, past experiences or hurried backup-conclusions.

Imagine perception as a color. The full rainbow representing the Object and each color a possible Perspective:

This is the perfect metaphor. Just like color is a brain’s hack to help you navigate, and not a property of the object itself, so your conditionings keep you moving in an otherwise overwhelming environment.

This eases decision making and enables action in an otherwise infinity of ponderation.

The mind reinforces the lessons you’ve gathered and the natural tendencies you have. It then paints the world according to your position at the rainbow.

When you look at something, you are actually throwing your colours at it and gazing back at the reflection. Imprisoned by a bubble of your own echo, moulded by imperfect barriers that guide your way into practicality.

Often, not aware of this colourful spectrum, we keep confusing our simplistic representations with the things in itself. The world stretches through our eyes so widely that is hard to notice our frontiers within it.

Just like someone before Newton wouldn’t see gravity in a fallen apple, who has never fallen in love will be blind to the colours of Romeo & Juliet:

The book is open, the apple cracks against the ground. Yet the observer will place the respective color in front of the object, collecting no more than a monochromatic representation. “God wanted the apple to fall”, colorises the priest; “what a teenage angst thing to do, Romeo”, scribbles the unlovable.

Think about the most practical and material-oriented person you know. Now picture her/him starting to drive. Imagine them becoming aware of the noises in the engine. Is it possible that this thought crossed their mind?

“The little noises it makes, it’s telling me what to do. For my whole life those were just random noises, but turned out to be instructions all along!”

Observation highs vary hugely in degree. They can be subtle, adding a little nuance to an existing colour. Or drastic, adding a whole new pigment to the palette.

You’ve been excited about becoming aware of something you were previously blind to before. Now compare that feeling with a man getting his mind blown by seeing colors for the first time [here’s a video].

Now compare that with the moment Einstein saw Time as another dimension, changing the colour spectrum for humanity.

Sure, most of us will never dream of such an intense revelation. But no matter the gradient of these perceptions, pleasure and admiration will always be aroused.

It’s about freedom. Novelty! To escape the circle of seeing what you would expect to see is to stand above a new landscape. To contemplate old sights with a renewed eye. It’s being a tourists to everything.

If you want to better master observation, and fix a dose of that sweet Perception High, you must realize how much your conditionings affect the impressions you gather.

Understand your mind-mold

The framework in which your mind operates is a complex interplay of psychological representations and social conditionings. These are the things that compose your colour.

To become aware of your mindset its helpful to play with some questions first. Let’s start small, with an experiment:

Think about riding a bicycle to work tomorrow. Allow yourself to reflect on the way you reason while answering these questions:

Check my emotional pulse. Have I intuitively made up my mind before pondering?

How did I tackled it, “why not” or “why would I”? How can that be a byproduct of my education?

Can I attach a fear to my decision-making? What fear would that be?

Is my analysis based on hopes or dislikes? Can those hopes be achieved or those dislikes avoided by my present self?

Is there any stereotype or belief on my thought process? What is it?

This is important because it put you in a original position. Like stretching for your eyes, preparing you to see.

Henrique Pousão was a naturalistic painter who deeply understood the power of learning how to see. To patiently allow the eye to catch up with every side, to delay judgment and isolate the different impulses that suggest a conclusion.

For him observation was in itself an act of Creation.

TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT HIS PAINTING:

This young boy, joyfully staring at us with mellow eyes, resting from the stillness of posing, may be one of the most iconic, yet ignored, symbols regarding Observation-Creation.

It’s amazing how natural the pictured moment is.

The scene couldn’t be less pretentious, the studio is perfectly ordinary, the kid sits in a relaxed and childish way, even the working environment is somewhat mild.

It looks like you just walked in the middle of the action. Your presence caused an Interruption, so you are caught by a delightful smile and two proud eyes staring for approval.

In fact, this painting is all about Interruptions.

The boy stops posing to show you his own version of himself, drawn on a little piece of paper. Behind him, on the canvas, is the painter’s sketch for the child’s picture.

So, how many painting are here, and what can they teach us about Observation?

1 — The Child’s Sketch

The boy shows no respect for the ritual of painting.

Turning his back on the canvas while breaking his pose, the child interrupts the painter to show a rippled piece of paper. He doesn’t do it out of malice nor ignorance, but out of a light-hearted disregard for convention.

Why show reverence to something just because it’s drawn in a proper canvas? Why not be proud of a piece of paper if it’s saturated with the same matter as the masterpieces: Pure Creativity.

The Child doesn’t aspire to rebel against anything, there is no duty in his creation. But the force he is driven by shows no mercy to authority, it is empowered by the value of curiosity and excitement in itself.

All principles are new and noble, all approaches worth considering. “Truth” is but a toy to be played with, open to amusing construction, while ideas are molded, tossed, mixed and joint like pieces of LEGO.

Nothing is too absurd, nothing is too serious, nothing is too evident!

It there was not a child in our way to Perception High, then Galileo Galilei would never have dropped balls from the Leaning Tower of Pisa, disclaming the solemn Aristotelian theory of gravity.

Never would Hennig Brand boild his own piss to discover phosphorus, or would anyone conceive the idea of a cat being both alive and dead at the same time.

It’s all about the freedom, the innocence, to level all that was thought and seen to a common ground where new values and concepts can flourish.

Interrupting authority, fuelled by Pure Creativity.

2 — The Canvas Draft

The draft presents a perfected version of the boy, nobler and more beautiful.

His wide potato nose is portrayed as small and delicate. The hat on top of his ragged clothes even seem aristocratic. His meditative head rests upon a steady hand. There is an overall feeling of idealisation

Somewhere, right now, there’s some small group of people working in a garage, dreaming about, if every single thing goes smoothly, changing the world.

Some eventually will. If Apple, Google or Microsoft had never dreamed of the most positive possible scenario, then how could they have aspired to be what they’ve become?

While playing with an idea, feel free to extend it into it’s most extreme scenario. Elaborate a whole mental experiment, or invent completely new laws and models.

The painter interrupts the boundaries of reality to go beyond the limits of his physical theme.

This is when you don’t think about how things are, but question about how things could be.

That thought functions as an arrow, pointing to a distant bright destiny that you ought to follow. At the dawn of agriculture, a man envisioning a golden field of wheat. A revolting slave dreaming of equality. A deaf scientist wishing to hear…

Though the complete opposite is also relevant.To warning us about just how bad something can become.

These are the so-called Utopias and Dystopias, and they are both a great compass and magnifying glass, when operated by Idealization.

3 — Henrique Pousão’s Painting

There was a moment when Pousão understood he would not be satisfied with what he was portraying.

That he would be missing something if he kept on painting the initial, sketched, version of the child’s portrait. So he Interrupted it.

Seeking the noble beauty he had first envisioned would cost him authenticity. By pursuing the classic canon, the stylised portrait that is set to elevate Art from the mundane (with its picturesque backgrounds and romanticised beauty) Pousão would then be blind to the real boy.

Blind to a shy smile concealed by proud eyes. He would never notice the elegance with which the child’s ragged, old, shoes touch the ground like a ballerina. And the chance to capture a manner so subtle, so enriched with truth, would be lost.

Roar back at the loud command of expectations. Both your own and all others. Understand that you also take part in shaping the concepts that are so often taken as truth.

Doing so widens possibility. Look beyond present conventions and morals. Shape this structure, because it will eventually also change your own views in a loop. Society is an ever mutable cycle of transformation. Check any history book.

The ability to sacrifice one’s present vision and opinion is the great virtue of adaptability. To be always permeable, taking pride in once being wrong and honouring not being sure of anything.

Embracing reality in its full scope, even when contradictory or hurtful, is to be synchronised with its complexity.

Facing ugliness with a wholesome disposition is what got us using Viruses, infectious agents responsible for taking countless lives, to Cure such diseases as cancer.

4 — Your Observation as a Painter

Though the paint didn’t move, the painting has changed. It’s no longer the one you’ve first seen. It has been painted over.

For every new observation a pigment has been added. colours been deepened and shapes widen.

In any sport, game or activity, enjoyment consists in taking part, is being committed to imprint your individuality, feeling and being engaged.

You stood, facing the canvas, in the position of a Painter. Ready to pick up the brush Pousão so thoughtfully left within your reach at the left of the canvas. Reminding that it up to you to give colour to any observation.

Facing the fact that we are painters of our impressions is as empowering as liberating. It offers the world as a palette to explore, strengthening our ties with everything and setting observation as an act of creation.

In a strange way the freedom granted for painters, to enthusiastically and with imagination depict their views, don’t set them apart from reality.

Quite the contrary, it allows them a stronger connection and sensibility with it, as it promotes inquiry and critical sense. The absolute contrary of Apathy, the great responsible for neglecting one’s relation to knowledge.

If you weren’t a painter, then Pousão’s masterpiece would have a painting less: Yours, an ever-changing piece.

There is no such thing as empty things or people. Just elements filled with something you haven’t yet learned to see.

By keeping in check Pousão’s lessons things appear less solid and more like an interplay of invisible fabrics. A tissue of colours filled with nuance, waiting to be experienced from every angle.

If everyone is looked at as a painter, then discussions are more fluid, people more tolerant, observation more engaging, and things just a lot more interesting to look at.

Do you remember becoming aware of something you were blind to? What?

[bookdragonlibrary]

Marinette x Adrien evolution

I will probably edit this as soon as I watch the two last episodes of the third season (especially Chat Blanc) but here some thoughts about the consequences in season 3 and what season 4 could be. 

I read few theories about how Ladybug and Chat noir are fusion between the Kwamis and the holder (with Chat noir being pretentious and seems careless like Plagg and Ladyugg being confident and responsible like Tikki) or how their heroes version are their true selves (Adrien is completely free from his father’s influence). But I think their heroes version is who they could become. Marinette could be confident and agile while now she is shy and clumsy and Adrien could be carefree while now he tries to be the perfection his father expects him to be which makes him introvert and not opened about his true feelings and personality. Marinette and Adrien both have potential to develop as they are pretty young for now (14 years old middle schooler), they are still growing. But they also need qualities as their normal selves in order to be the hero: you need to be creative and smart to be Ladybug in order to use the Lucky charm and you need to be caring about people, even bad people, so you won’t use Cataclysm for evil, qualities Marinette and Adrien already have when they are in their civies and that explains why Adrien wasn’t able to use the Snake Miraculous in the best way possible. 

They will be the endgame ship at the end of the show as they are soulmates and complementary to each other: creativity/destruction ; luck/bad luck ; red/green. Oblivio showed us what they could be if they knew each other secret identity and their chemistry as a couple. It worked between them because they can see each other flawless and flaw sides and still love them both: Adrien was both flirty/charming and kind/caring and Marinette was both clumsy/confident. That why I think they could only work together as a couple when they will both learn each other identity and be open to each other with it (like Alya and Nino).

Adrien loves Ladybug but he’s oblivious he’s also in love with Marinette as he acts different with her than the other girls and blushes while being with her. The same for Marinette with Chat noir. As if their hearts know the truth all along (I know very cliché but plausible). 

But they can’t date anyone until they know each other identity or give up their Miraculous. (That’s their curse, and maybe the common curse for all the Cat and Ladybug holders: they are always soulmates but can never get together.) Well, they can try to date someone but it won’t work. I think Marinette stops herself for falling for Chat noir (or she’s blind of her feelings because she’s obsessed with Adrien) because it would never work out from her point of view. She likes justice and honesty (even more as Ladybug where she is more responsible and serious) so going out with another superhero but can’t tell him her true identity or what she’s going through would make their relationship bases on a lie and walls between them as they can’t be themselves with each other. The same if she’s going out with someone as Marinette because she wouldn’t be able to tell her boyfriend she is Ladybug and would be forced to lie to him to explain her late (because she was saving Paris) and why she has to go (because she needs a quiet place to transform in Ladybug). It’s already difficult for her to lie to her parents and friends (especially to Alya, her best friend) so what would it be to lie to her boyfriend? She would be the kind of person wanting to give 100% of herself to the person she loves, but currently she could only give 50% as a person with Luka or Adrien and as Ladybug with Chat noir. I think it’s the same for Adrien than Marinette as a civil, but it could be easier for him as he spends a lot of his time alone and more time praticing his special lectures (fencing, mandarin Chinese, piano, photoshoot, etc.) rather than with his father and friends. However he doesn’t seem to realise the situation is also the same as Chat noir because just spending time with the girl he loves it’s enough for him. He planned diner on roof for Ladybug because he doesn’t mind not going to “traditional dates” like restaurants or cinema as long he is with her (he said his happier moments are when he is with her after all). He also doesn’t need her to tell him about her personal life because he enjoys just talking to her. In conclusion, Marinette, Ladybug and Adrien won’t be confortable to date someone because they wouldn’t be able to be 100% honest with them and their relationship would be based on lies and secrets with isn’t a good and healthy relationship. But Chat noir was ready to date Ladybug only as superheroes because he’s fine with just spending time with her. 

[Spoilers below for the end of season 3]

Marinette trying to forget Adrien with Luka (because she thinks Kagami is the other girl Adrien was talking about in Marionnettiste 2/Puppeteer 2) and Adrien doing the same with Kagami (because Ladybug is in love with “another” boy) is a great opportunity for them as a person and as a couple (but actually sad for Kagami and Luka). As they won’t be obsessed with Ladybug and Adrien (at least less obsessed), they would be able to see each other true selves in Marinette and Chat noir. Example: when Ladybug laughed at Adrien’s joke but found it lame when it’s from Chat noir in Desperada. They are so obsessed with the person they love they see a perfect and idealised version instead of the true self of Marinette and Adrien, even if they fell in love for a real quality: Marinette’s creativity and Adrien’s kindness (which are also the qualities needed to become Ladybug and Chat noir!). As Ladynoir and Adrinette, they will become true best friends before dating later (Ladynoir seems to be closer to this point than Adrinette.) while it was previously complicated to do so with one of them having romantical feelings. And Marinette really needs Chat noir as her best friend (both as Marinette and Ladybug) because her life was getting so complicated and dense in season 3 with her new responsabilities as a creator, duty as Ladybug, school, helping her parents at the bakery and now being a guardian of the Miraculous with an amnesic Master Fu who was her support as a hero. 

Which brings me to the ships that could make them understand each other identity: Marichat and Ladrien. In the first one, Marinette would see the true version of Chat noir when he’s not obsessed with Ladybug and flirting with her as she found in Glaciator that Chat noir had a sensitive side hiding behind the jokes and that the flirting/charming is genuine love (well, his attempt to showing it) and not showing off. While Adrien would see how Marinette truely is and acts when she isn’t shuttering and clumsy (or not as much when she’s around as Adrien). Marichat is the only ship in the square love where neither of them is blind by their obsession for the other, so it must be the ship where they will truely fall in love with each other personality while normally they are hidden behind Marinette’s clumsiness and Adrien’s reserve side.

On the contrary, Ladrien will show them who is the real person they talk about as Ladybug and Adrien with Ladybug acting shyly with Adrien when normally she is confident with him as Chat noir and Adrien being blushing and romantical to Ladybug while he’s just kind and sweet with her as Marinette. So I think they will understand each other identity when they will realise Marinette and Ladybug acting the same way in front of Adrien and Adrien and Chat noir doing the same in front of Ladybug, plus the Marichat developed relationship.

But even if they understand that, they won’t be opened about it to each other (and even pretend to ignore it to their Kwami so they won’t loose their Miraculous, but they will act as if they don’t know because they need them to be Ladybug and Chat noir, especially now Master Fu isn’t there anymore) maybe thinking the other didn’t find out their true identity yet. They will act weird to each other when the information will slip against their will as it already does when they try to hide their own heroes or secret identity. Which could be really funny to watch while Tikki and Plagg face palm in the background. They would tell each other secret identity once they wins against Hawkmoth as Gabriel and take back the two Miraculous and discover they both know the truth for a long time. 

Other possibilities: being forced  to reveal their secret identity to each other and Hawkmoth during the last battle (or on accident like when Adrien will discover Hawkmoth’s secret identity and the wish his father wants to make with their miraculous); Chat noir revealing his secret identity to Ladybug as she is now the guardian and Ladybug wanting to do the same because it wouldn’t be fair or being forced to reveal their secret identity to each other because that could endanger them. Example: a mission which went horribly wrong/where they almost lost because Ladybug was too focused on saving Adrien while Chat noir was in front of her and Chat noir decides to reveal his secret identity so the next time she could totally focused on the akumatised person or the contrary scenario. 

Yeah I find it extremely dangerous and stupid they don’t know at least each other identity because there are so many episodes when they were worried for Adrien or Marinette being in danger while their heroes alter ego was in front of them like when Ladybug chose Adrien to be the holder of the snake Miraculous, resulting of the rescuing during months because Adrien doesn’t fit this Miraculous even if he was doing his best. But I get that for the sake of the plot, they must not know and be opened but sometimes it makes them or the situation pretty dumb and not realistic... That why knowing each other secret identity while ignoring it’s reciprocal could be interesting and give something new than the previous seasons but still make them clumsy when they try to hide and lie about their alter ego identity. 

With Time Tagger, we know they would still be heroes during high school or around their twenties but against another Hawkmoth. Maybe then, they will know each other secret identity and going out as Adrien and Marinette but acting the same that in the beginning as Chat noir and Ladybug so people won’t connect the dots. That could explain Bunnyx’ answer to Chat noir’s question about their relationship status. It was pretty confusing but I understood it as they aren’t acting the same way all the time: playing roles to protect their secret identity, but sometimes forget it and being the true lovebirds they are. Maybe to make it working, Marinette found a potion in the book that will prevent them for revealing the other’s identity just as a Kwami can’t reveal their holder’s identity. 

#miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain-cheng #adrien agreste #ladynoir #adrinette #marichat #ladrien #theory #my theory #character analys