#madd discussion

[buckybarnesss]

Sterek really is the lasagna of queerbait. It's essential to the shows narrative. It is never jossed, they just add more and more layers as to WHY Derek and Stiles should fuck nasty. At every opportunity, Jeff adds more and more.

Why make Derek a goddamn widower, endlessly toiling on Stiles' most prized possessen?? It's insane. At every turn, more and more sterek piles up!!

sterek is so complicated because it's used as queerbait but it's also in the narrative.

derek and stiles's arc are intertwined.

derek doesn't achieve growth without stiles nor he does he learn to trust others or himself again. derek's role in stiles's arc becomes the most prominent when derek is absent. it's no coincidence derek return to the narrative is with stiles and it bookends how it began. full circle.

than there's the stupid goddamn movie.

there was no reason for the jeep metaphor. none. jeff chose that. he chose to break lydia and stiles up unceremoniously too. it's not like just because stiles wasn't there meant they had to break up. he also chose to put the jeep with derek.

there wasn't any real reason for it. last we knew stiles had given it to scott.

which.....knowing derek was meant to be in radio silence gives me some added perspective because the jeep was stiles's relic. like we know the jeep was so associated with stiles it was in the opening credits with him for two seasons. the jeep is a connection stiles had to his mother and it represented his emotional state in season 5. he literally declared in s4 (while searching for derek) he wouldn't ever leave it behind.

but he gave it to scott and yet somehow it ended up derek's hands and derek kept it, worked on it and fixed it.

we've discussed the significance of that already. the sheer unhinged maddness of derek doing this.

the physical manifestation the show used to represent stiles's soul, his connection to reality and to his life is in the care of derek hale and derek refused to give up on it even if he has a complicated relationship with it.

which just goes back to stiles being essential to derek's emotional growth and healing throughout the show.

giving up on stiles would be derek giving up on himself.

because they're each other's anchors and they're in love goddamn it.

#my blog #thoughts on teen wolf #teen wolf #sterek #the sterek agenda #the sterek lasagna metaphor #otp: you need me to survive #which came first the ship or the queerbait #can one exist without the other? #not for teen wolf #jeff davis and his writing choices #my dude what

[system-of-a-feather]

Honestly, real talk, I feel like people largely do not understand just how much characters within those who are maladaptive daydreamers and/or were maladaptive daydreamers literally are "parts of them" and how both healing and destructive that dynamic can be and I find that a bit visible with how people in DID communities talk about maladaptive daydreaming as a "form of plurality"

Its an absolutely different experience but that doesn't mean that the label of "plural" isn't equally suitable. Since that topic has come up on our radar like way back half a year or year ago, we honestly have been thinking about it as someone who is considered "recovered" from DID and has recovered from maladaptive daydreaming but still has a brain that functions creativity and imaginative worlds with the same semi-autonomous functions whether I like it or not

And honestly? My characters are very much not "my creation", nor are they "just my OCs" - the very way all of my character are made and at this point the only way I know how to write and make characters is by taking a part or aspect of myself (conscious or subconscious) and throwing it out there with a name and face. That part of myself engages with the world I created and develops within the narrative and impacts the world itself.

I repeat and do this for all my characters and the world that I have created serves as a hypothetical exploratory way to understand, engage with, and explore very complex topics with exaggerated and isolated parts of myself. I have never really "planned" a character of given them traits or really anything other than a basic premise of a name, MAYBE a gender, and a vague role and I let them define their own story. No real character arc planning. No real likes and dislikes. No real narrative or secret message.

The function and means of which that I "created" these OCs and the level of which I don't control the way they form and grow is extremely similar to how I "create" alters, albeit one is far more voluntary and intentional than the other and one is physically sharing my life with me and the other is sharing a mental world with me.

((Additionally I don't engage in the mental world I made for them beyond the half joke that I'm the god of the gods of that world and they dont know))

The dynamics I have with my characters is WAY WAY WAY different than my parts / alters but BOTH my characters (maladaptive daydreaming) and my alters (DID) are equally fair to call "parts of me" and "parts of a whole" in a very literal not "Oh yeah Im a writer and this character means a lot to me theyre a part of me"

With my writing partner (who does this as well) we regularly use our characters as well to explain what we are going through / how we are feeling to help facilitate real talk and venting a lot because we have a mutual understanding that while this is a story and these are our characters, both of us have "built" this world by literally giving very specific aspects of ourselves the ability to explore, grow, and learn in a world and that while some have grown SO far from who we are now, they represent an aspect and potential part of us that could have been should something have gone one way in a specifically extreme way in a specific environment.

With that in mind, I absolutely feel its fair to compare DID and MaDD "plurality" with some obvious understanding that while there are similarities they are also different (AND THATS OK).

Cause honestly? If I actually talked to my characters (like a lot of people with MaDD tend to do) I could see myself calling and feeling as though they were a system and I don't think it would be all that inaccurate and wrong. I don't have that experience as my MADD and DID are mostly entirely two seperate dissociative coping mechanisms, but I know for a fact the line between the two is a lot less clear and its just food for thought

-----------------

[SYSCOURSE AND DEBATE WILL BE BLOCKED.]

[Good faith conversation and discussion is WELCOMED and ENCOURAGED.]

[If you don't know the difference, don't add on.]

#alter: fei #alter: riku #maladaptive daydreaming #plurality #plural #conversysion #sysconversation #sys conversation #system discussions #syscourse #<- for reach because I don't think the new tags have gotten well known enough #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder

[shipmanisms]

mari headcanons ⋆🪽

mari, considering she was probably the meanest yj out in the wilderness and rightfully so, she'd prob be mean to u in the start

if you didn't believe in lottie's ability to bring food and talk with the wilderness, mari would just go 😒 whenever she'd see you and then start rambling abt lottie

slowly starting to like u and not being a total hater towards you

still making mean comments here and there at times to piss u off

whenever something happens she just runs to you and shit talks misty like MADD and you agree

after getting used to you, she's only nice to you and lottie, hates everyone besides you two

her leaning her head on your shoulder when you're all talking as a group and discussing different topics

seeing her happy is a rare thing that only happens when she's with you cause everyone else pisses her off and you're the only one who can relate and understand her drama

"yeah!and they gave me a belt to cook,like are you insane?!" "WE ATE A BELT???"

following all of your stupid ideas and you following her stupid ideas

but like...her crushing on you is a different total story...

she's either super mean to you or super sweet

whatever the case is you still understand her lil crushy crushy on you so you're like "i mean,we could die from day to day sooo....be my gf??😁"

AND AFTER YOU GUYS START DATING you literally only talk to each other cause your living time in the wilderness is limited so might as well spend it with your pookie bear 🐻❤️

#laura lee #taissa turner #van palmer #shauna shipman #jackie taylor #natalie scatorccio #yellowjackets #mari yellowjackets #mari x reader #yellowjackets smut #yellowjackets x reader #natalie scatorccio smut #natalie scatorccio x reader #nat scatorccio smut #nat scatorccio x reader #jackie taylor smut #jackie taylor x reader #shauna shipman smut #shauna shipman x reader #van palmer smut #van palmer x reader #taissa turner smut #taissa turner x reader #laura lee smut #laura lee x reader #jackieshauna #my works ও˖ ָ࣪ #lottie mathews x reader #lottie matthews smut #lottie matthews

[legitalicat]

Out of Time

Chapter 5 - "Oh Brother, I've Returned"

an: While it does not fit this chapter entirely, I listened to "Brother" by Madds Buckley a lot during this chapter. As an older sister who moved out when my younger sibling was under 10, I feel the guilt of being gone while your siblings grow up without you. I highly recommend that song.

If you love this header go check out zaldritzosrose for more amazing work! She is tagged on the series masterlist and on my welcome post!

Find the series Master list here!

Summary: "It is not a ridiculous notion to fear what we do not know. Yet you cannot let your fears keep you from them."

TW: Anxiety, profanity, angst, dead daddy issues, literal bone crushing hugs, substance use, fear of addiction, detailed descriptions of Viserys I death, descriptions of severe pain, Vizzy is not a good parent, Aemond and Jace making a scene at dinner AGAIN, very large and physically intimidating men, Jaehaerys being very much a brother, Joffrey and Luke being little shithead brothers,

Romantic Pairings: Very brief focus on Aemond Targaryen x Velaryon!Reader, Very brief focus on Jacaerys Velaryon x Twin!Reader, Aegon Targaryen ii x Velaryon!Reader.

Other characters shining in this chapter: Ser Erryk, Jaehaera Targaryen, Lucerys Velaryon, Joffrey Velaryon, Aegon iii, Viserys Targaryen ii, Rhaenyra Targaryen, Alicent Hightower

Word count: 6.6k (oops)

The fuzzy feelings disappeared by late afternoon. A bright side was that I was absolutely starving when dinner time came. When I stood from my bed, I found I still had no pain. It was great to be able to walk across the room in less than five minutes.

I met Ser Erryk just outside my room. He greeted me as he always did, cheerful and just seemingly grateful. He spoke to me of the apparent menu for the night. We were to have braised goose with roasted chestnuts and cabbage.

“You like goose?” I asked him as we walked.

“I do, princess. It is greasy, so unappealing to some. I believe your mother is among them,” he said, smiling at me.

“It was a joke of sorts, between her and my father. A discussion they had before they were married. She likes to have it every so often as a way to remember him,” I told him.

It was true enough. The reason why Ser Laenor was who claimed us was apparent to me when I thought of him. He was never without the company of a male companion. When we first went to Dragonstone, he brought a young knight. Joffrey is named after a knight he knew in his youth, whose death devastated him in unimaginable ways. He loved them both deeply and in a way he could never love Mother.

It was known to her before they married, so when she spoke to him of the marriage, she assured him it would not impose on his life. She equated it to taste, saying like her, he preferred roast duck to goose. There was nothing wrong with that. Some people just like things and that was that.

After his death, I found Mother would request goose for our dinner. When I pointed out that he had never picked it out himself, she told me that was the point. The goose was meant to represent their effort in marriage, and for her it was a way to honor him. She had so much love for him, and he for her, even if it was not the type of love she shared with my blood father or even Daemon.

I truly believe they were soulmates. Most believed that soulmates were romantic, that it always ended with love and sex and all those things that made people gooey inside. There was not a person alive, though, that could convince me Mother and Laenor did not belong together in life even though they were not in love. You cannot have a best friend like that and tell me that the gods did not design you for that person.

Often I think how there was nobody better than Laenor to have been with her. Yes, my father and her loved one another in a way most wouldn’t understand. Yes, Daemon seems an equal match for her now. And yes, Laenor had loved his male companions the way he perhaps should’ve loved the one he married. But they understood each other on a fundamental level. They never begrudged one another, never showed anything to us that wasn’t pure love and respect for not only us but one another. Even if it were not romantic love, they were made to love each other.

“Ser Laenor was a good man. I think he would be proud of who you are,” he told me. “I truly believe that.”

Sometimes I didn’t know how to feel about Ser Laenor. He was not my blood. His opinions on me truly held no bearing in the grand scheme of things, as he was never who I had to impress. My inheritance would’ve never come from him.

But anytime I heard he would be proud of me, I wanted to beg for more. Blood or not he was my father. He was the man who claimed me. He loved me. How could I not want him to be proud of me?

“Thank you, Ser Erryk. I appreciate it,” I whispered, trying to not let my voice crack under the emotion.

We continued walking along without speaking any further. I could hear music and laughter as we approached the Small Hall. Don’t let the name fool you, though. Located in the Tower of the Hand, it had to be smaller than the Great Hall where the Throne sat, but this hall still held over two hundred people if so desired. With a family so large, it made sense to have our dinners here.

Erryk went to open the door but I reached out my hand to grab his before he could. The sounds of the ones I love being happy on the other side of this door terrified me. We were all mostly happy that night, the night I disappeared. At least we were for a moment in time.

My finger tips went numb and my bottom lip was trembling. It had been hard enough just being alone with those I’ve had time with already. But to see all of them, all at once, felt like it was an impossible task.

I had yet to speak to any of my brothers other than Jace. Trying to face the very distinct possibility of Little Aegon and Viserys disliking me felt like my stomach was being tied in knots. Joffrey was fourteen now, what if he didn’t like me either? Or if Luke was angry with me, somehow blaming me for being gone, I don’t think I could take it.

So much time had been lost. I was newly eighteen when I disappeared, now Jace and I were fast approaching twenty four. Aemond had been nineteen, Helaena twenty, Aegon twenty two, and Luke just fifteen. We all had so much time together. But Joffrey had only been nine, Little Aegon four, and Viserys only two. I had missed such a grand portion of their lives, even more when thinking of the year I was in King’s Landing beforehand, I didn’t think I could fit.

“We can go back if you wish,” Erryk said quietly to me. “I will make some excuse as to why you remain in your rooms. They needn’t know.”

“What kind of person is scared of their family for no reason?” I whispered to him, looking at him as a tear slowly rolled down my cheek.

It would maybe make sense if they had been terrible to me. But even the worst among them treated me as though I was golden. Alicent, who had undoubtedly been abhorrent to Mother and my brothers to the point she demanded all of us be brought to her when Mother was fresh from her labors, had loved me. I could distinctly remember sitting on her lap as a small child while my grandsire told Jace and I about the Kingdoms the would one day be ours.

“The first time Arryk and I went home after we were appointed to the Kingsguard, I was certain our parents would shut the door in our face,” he told me. “How could they not? I mean we were the only two heirs to our house and we both took an oath that forbade us from having lands, having a wife, having children. We effectively ended our house with us. But all our parents cared about was that we were happy and safe. It is not a ridiculous notion to fear what we do not know. Yet you cannot let your fears keep you from them.”

I could not look him in the eye. Part of me was so ashamed to feel as scared that I did. To me, it was a ridiculous notion. I’m the blood of the dragon, how could I fear anything?

He put his other hand over top mine, that still held onto him like my life depended on it. That was what let me meet his gaze. He truly looked at me with nothing but kindness in his eyes.

“When you were a girl, it is not that you were fearless. It is that you have always loved so fiercely your own fears did not stop you. When you sabotaged the soil stores so that the garden bugs would not die, you faced your mother, Queen Alicent, and your grandsire with tears in your eyes. You were scared of being in trouble, of having done something wrong. Even so, you held Helaena’s hand and explained why you did it. The night of Aemond’s injury, you were scared to anger everyone in explaining what happened. Yet, what mattered to you was the truth and so you told the truth,” he explained to me. “I offer again that I can take you back to your room and I will tell them you were not feeling well.”

The faith he had in the person I am felt comforting. At least there was one person who knew truly who I am. He had no reason to make me fit a certain mold. It was not like with Aemond or Jace in which he needed me to be this perfect representation of a person. He did not need me to understand the darkest parts of him like Aegon did. It was truly like he was a friend.

“Do not stray far from me,” I said quietly to him.

Releasing his hand, I stood straight and readied myself. He opened the door and stood to the side.

When I stepped into the room, for a moment nobody really noticed me and I just got to watch. Viserys, Little Aegon, and Maelor were all running around the room in a game. Mother and Alicent were speaking to one another, smiling. Jaehaerys and Jaehaera were animatedly discussing something with Aemond and Helaena. Luke, Jace, and Aegon were all hunched over the table as they laughed about something. Joffrey was in the corner of the room sneaking a little cake.

They were all so happy. Was this truly what it was like all the time now? Had the wounds of the past been so forgotten we could live like this?

Surprisingly, the first to notice me was Jaehaera. She very obviously lit up upon seeing me and got up from her chair near immediately. Wasting no time, she went to the empty chair in between Mother and Alicent and grabbed a bouquet of flowers that had sat in it. It was then others took notice of her movements and all their eyes shifted from her to me.

When I began feeling the fear bubbling up inside me again and my fingertips once again felt numb, I just focused on Jaehaera. This little girl who was so happy when she noticed me, a little girl I adored so much, was now running to me with these flowers in her hand. They were a pretty assortment, consisting peonies, tulips, and lilies.

“Mumma says you like flowers so I picked the prettiest ones,” she said happily when she stopped in front of me. She very proudly held out her bouquet so that I could admire her work.

I smiled softly at Jaehaera as tears welled up in my eyes. “They are lovely, thank you little one,” I said in a voice that was barely above a whisper. Carefully I took the bouquet from her and held it in my hands.

They were not flawless flowers. One of the peonies had not fully bloomed while another had already begun to lose its petals. The lilies had been slightly crushed against the weight of the other flowers. I noticed the tulips had little teeny insects crawling around on them, which Helaena and her children no doubt saw as an added benefit, and as such there were teeny holes in some of the petals. But there was not enough gold in the world that could convince me to rid myself of this bouquet. Despite the flaws, I could not think of it as anything less than perfect. Erryk took them in his own hand before he arranged for a serving girl to take them to my room and put them in water.

She took my hand in hers and began pulling me along to the table. Even in her excitement, she also seemed to be careful with me like everyone else had been.

“Do you want to sit next to me??” Jaehaerys said loudly when I was in arms reach of the table. It caused Jaehaera to stop her path, therefore stopping me.

“Inside voice, bubba,” Jaehaera said softly to him before looking at me. “Excuse him. He forgets we all have ears.”

“That’s okay, Luke was like that too when he was little,” I said to her. It caused them both to grin from ear to ear.

“Did you hear that Jae Jae? I’m like Luke,” he said, noticeably quieter this time, but just as excitedly.

“I am just glad someone else knows about brothers,” Jaehaera said with a giggle.

“I would like to point out that I had no choice but to be loud to make sure I was heard over Jace’s big mouth,” Luke said as he stood from his seat.

When Luke stood I realized he was taller than me. Not near as tall as Aegon, but a noticeable few inches. It caused a great stirring of emotions in my chest. I had anticipated my brothers growing taller than me, in fact it surprised me that Jace was only my height and not taller. Yet, not being here to notice it happening caused an ache.

Especially with Luke. He was only three years younger than me, so I did not remember his birth or his little years quite like I remembered Joffrey’s, Little Aegon’s, or Viserys’. That didn’t keep me from remembering bits and pieces, though. Like, I used to help Mother pick out the clothes he wore as a baby as though he was a doll. I snuck out of bed one night when he was a newborn so that I could sleep next to his cradle. I could remember the first time he got sick and, instead of going to Mother and Laenor, he crawled into bed between Jace and I and leaked snot all over my chest.

The bad parts, the good parts, all of it was not something I would trade for the world. Despite having more conscious thoughts when the younger three were babies, Luke was my baby. To me there was nobody better. He was as good and pure as a person could get. If Mother thought I was the best parts of both my fathers, Luke was the best parts of me. He was every good thing in this world rolled into the sweetest package.

“Now you can’t hold sweets over my head and keep me from getting them,” he said playfully.

“No, but I can still sit on your head until you cry,” I responded. My own ear to ear grin spread across my face. I did not care that it hurt my lip as the skin stretched. Luke was worth it.

“I cried one time! You were crushing my ear!” he defended adamantly.

“I maintain to this day that you should not have taken my book,” I told him with a shrug.

“Hadn’t he already handed it back to you when you sat on him?” Jace asked me.

“I don’t recall asking for your input, Jace,” I said quickly causing Luke to laugh.

Luke was truly a man now. His laugh was deeper, as was his voice. He was twenty now and by no means could he be confused as a child.

He wrapped his arms around me in a near bone crushing hug. Even with the pain shooting through my ribs, I could not ask him to ease up. The world felt right the moment he hugged me. Like the years had not passed without me.

I noticed he smelled like the sea. Salt water and open sky, with just a trace of the smell of the wood the ships were made of. If I had to guess, he spent a lot of time in Driftmark now, preparing himself for when Grandsire Corlys was no longer able to hold the Driftwood Throne. When he was little and we suffered the loss of both Ser Harwin and our Aunt Laena, he feared becoming Lord of Driftmark as he knew the death that would precede that moment. If he had been able to move past that fear, I was grateful.

“Are you a sailor now?” I asked as I pulled back from him.

“Only sometimes. Grandsire has spent two years teaching me how to,” he answered. He had a shy, goofy little smile on his face.

“And I would imagine he regales you with stories of the Velaryon blood ruling the seas every moment of it,” I joked.

“Would he be him if he weren’t the proudest man alive?” he asked.

My three Velaryon brothers and Mother all chuckled at that. Genuinely speaking I could not think of a prouder man alive. Our grandfather had held House Velaryon miles above any house, including Targaryens. I think it was because the Targaryens were dragonlords making him think we were handed power, whereas Velaryons seemed to build everything themselves. There was a pride to be held in that, of course. But Westeros was not conquered by shipmasters, now was it?

With this laughter, I took a moment to look around, turning around the room, and settling to look at Joffrey. Fourteen certainly was not the age of a man but compared to the nine year old I left behind he might as well have been. My little Joffrey, whose birth was the first I truly remember, making the three of us older ones so excited. We were downright annoying when it came to him.

Jace had decided we needed to pick the egg for him ourselves. Without uttering a word to anyone, we snuck away from the dragonkeeper charged in teaching us our lesson that day and delved far into the Dragonpit. Luke excitedly picked the egg from one of Syrax’s clutches. As the three of us had been given one, with only mine not hatching, we had to give the baby an egg that came from Mother’s dragon. Our father found us as we were trying to carry the red hot cauldron to the Keep. With his help, and the enlisted help of a few keepers, we awaited the arrival of the baby eagerly.

We took turns stoking the flames underneath it to keep it warm while we waited for Mother. And when she returned, followed closely by Laenor with the baby boy in hand, Luke and Jace both desperately wanted to get close to him. Laenor and father had to practically bat them away so that our baby brother could meet our father.

For myself, I can only remember looking at my perfect family. While in that moment I had not been told the truth of my birth, I knew. It was not so much a moment of realization that none of my brothers or I looked like Laenor, instead favoring Mother’s sworn shield. It was not even hearing the rumors and embodying them as a sort of self fulfilling prophecy. No, all it took was me seeing how Laenor yielded in that moment to Harwin and seeing the way this mountain of a man became so soft when gazing upon Joffrey for me to know. He was a man who was granted love in undeniable ways and he was a part of our family.

Joffrey looked the most like our father. The four of us all had his hair color and his complexion, of course. Jace and I got his eyes, according to Mother, and I could agree. The colors were the same on all four of us, yet we got the shape. I could see on Jace the little crinkles in the corners that our father had. Luke had his smile to the point that when our father died, I desperately worked to make Luke smile for days so that I could feel the embrace of the man who created me. Yet Joffrey had it all. His eyes, his nose, his smile, even the height and bulk of him. There were traces of Mother, like in the angles of his jawline or the placement of his cheekbones. But one could be forgiven if they thought Harwin Strong walked the halls of the Red Keep again when seeing Joffrey.

How cruelly ironic. The one who only got a few meetings with our father was the one who looked to be a trueborn Strong and not the dirty little secret I always felt like. The one who would never know our father or Laenor and the way they both loved us, who was robbed of the perfect family I loved so much, was everything I begged to be. A perfect embodiment of the father I prayed returned to me sat before me in the form of the last of his children.

“Joffrey, I believe Y/N would appreciate if you could come closer,” Aemond’s voice said from somewhere out of my view. I believed he may be behind me, with Jaehaera on my left and Luke still to my right. I could not be bothered to check.

Joffrey nodded and placed the sweet down on a nearby table before walking closer to me. He wiped his hands against his pants, highlighting to me that he was wearing Targaryen colors of black and not Velaryon ones. I could see the crumbs fall to the floor as he walked. It was almost enough to make me laugh.

“Have you been so short your entire life?” he asked when he stood in front of me. He was taller than Aemond even, wider around the middle, broader along the shoulders than Jace. It was terrifying when one realized most of that was probably muscle, and most likely he had more growing to do.

“I would like to point out I am perfectly normal height,” I said, huffing a bit. “You are just tall.”

“To you. To me, you are short. Perspective, sissy,” he said.

My heart caught in my throat. It wasn’t that I had anticipated him to forget me or all the time I had spent teaching him of the world. But hearing him call me sissy and confirming that I still had a place in his heart made my own ache in unexpected ways.

Wrapping my arms around his middle, I pulled him into a tight hug. It was a hug he returned eagerly, holding me as tight as I held him. Just as with Luke, I couldn’t be bothered to care about any of the pain coursing through my body.

Luke and Joffrey had so much of me in them. Luke was my baby and Joffrey was my sidekick. Where one clung to me the other did just the same. For the longest time you could not find me without them. I did everything for them to ensure their lives. Luke and I spent hours just standing on the deck of our ship so that I could help him overcome his fear of the sea. I was the one who taught Joffrey to read, and then taught him as much as I could of politics and history. Both of them spent so much time with me in the gardens of Dragonstone as I tended to the flowers.

When I finally convinced myself that I could let go without him disappearing, I pulled away from his hold. Concern drew itself onto his face. If the empty yet extraordinarily heavy feeling in my head and the fire spreading through my chest had caused me to look as I felt in this moment, I would imagine I’d look much the same as he did. In truth I could not care to look at everyone else. Leaning forward to lean against Joffrey, I tried to steady my breathing.

“Let’s sit you down,” Luke whispered from behind me. I can only assume I nodded as he and Joffrey both supported me to sit me in the chair between Alicent and Mother. The last note of music that filled the room just moments ago echoed from every wall before the room fell into silence.

“Y/N, you mustn’t overdo it, sweet girl,” Mother said quietly, pressing a cooled rag to my head.

“I couldn’t tell them to stop, mama. My babies still love me,” I whispered to her, gripping her wrist to still her hand. The suddenness of my movement caused me a blinding flash of burning pain.

“Perhaps we should order some milk of the poppy,” Alicent suggested, looking between Mother and me.

“No, no,” I begged her, tears springing to my eyes.

Let me be clear and say I understand the benefits of the medicine. It is extremely effective in easing pain and in large enough quantities, could incapacitate an entire Dothraki horde. Though I dare anyone to watch their grandfather wither to be but a living, skin covered skeleton and he can’t even acknowledge his breathing because he is so addled by the shit.

I am not stupid enough to think back on his life and legacy and think him a good King nor even a good father. But I do know, factually know, that he was a man who loved his family dearly. A man who was taken advantage of in his deepest grief and never fixed the mistakes made in those times. A man who deserved more than to die so slowly while his brain, his very capable and beautiful brain, wasted away because of the only treatment for his pain.

When you watch a man go from being able to tell you about the Kingdom he loves, that one day you will rule, to not even being able to remember your existence, it changes things. When you watch him become so frail and thin that being turned the wrong way breaks his bones, yet remain so puffy under the eye and in his fingertips because of the poison, you may refuse it too. His younger children may not have cared, of that I will not speak on. But I cared, and it terrified me.

Would he have been in so much pain constantly if he hadn’t taken it so regularly? What if he was being treated for an ailment that was caused by milk of the poppy? And if that was true, how much would it take before I could not exist without it?

“Y/N, you cannot live in this pain,” Mother said to me.

“I cannot live like that,” I corrected her.

“Your grandsire was very sick for a long time, you will heal in mere weeks. But you cannot heal if you live in this pain,” Alicent said. Her voice was just as quiet and soothing as Mother’s as she petted my hair.

Very slowly, I adjusted my body in my chair to look to Aegon. He was watching me with silent tears in his eyes. But when our wet gazes locked together he understood what I needed. He did not need anything else from me. He understood my pain as I did his.

After pushing himself to a stand from his seat, he wasted no time in getting to my side. All the while he was reaching in his sleeve to pull out the pouch with the biscuits. Within a moment he was by my side, kneeling to be able to look up at my face.

“Stars?” he asked me. It took me less than half a breath to know he was asking how severe my pain, if it was enough to make me see stars. He knew it went beyond feeling knives in my body but he could not tell further.

“Lightning,” I muttered to him.

He had once theorized the lightning that extended from the sky during the worst of storms would be the most painful thing to be hit by. It was on a late night adventure, one that quickly turned into a two day adventure, that he had dragged me on not long before I had Vhaela. We mounted Sunfyre together and flew to Harrenhal. Quick enough flying on Sunfyre, though it took nearly all night. When we had arrived, a storm had come overhead, and we watched as lightning struck the large castle no less than three times. The stone was surprisingly mostly unscathed, save for the burn marks permanently etched on its side. When we spoke of a human withstanding just one strike, he said you’d nearly die from the pain alone.

It was how I knew he would understand. This was not the pain I experienced falling from my bed when I was six. This was a burning, pulsating pain that caused me to lose parts of my sight. A pain so severe I could not breathe properly.

He helped me eat a significant bit more than what I had earlier. Mainly because every time I moved myself I was hit with another flash of pain. It was just easier to allow his help.

“The larger portion may not quicken the effects but it will help manage your pain better,” he said quietly to me. “Tell me what I can do in the meanwhile.”

“Stay right here and have everyone return to their joy,” I whispered to him as I took his hand. “At the least I wish to see everyone smile.”

He nodded softly and looked to Alicent. Within a few minutes, the music started back up and not long after that the chatter started up again. I would have to be oblivious to not notice the worried looks Mother and Alicent still gave me. Though those looks were nothing compared to the way Aemond and Jace were glaring at Aegon.

Genuinely speaking, it was a lot like watching children. It was as though Aemond and Jace had never once considered that anyone else would want to play their game. They only considered each other and knew what to expect from them. But now they viewed Aegon as a competitor.

Was Aegon a competitor? Sure he had said earlier how he loved me, that I was the only woman he loved. But he did not put his hand forward. He did not express a desire to be with me despite the love he held for me. I could no more count him as a contender for my heart as I could Ser Erryk.

Where Aemond and Jace looked on at him in anger, Aegon paid no mind. His eyes were focused solely on me. And every time I met his gaze, I gave him a small squeeze in the hand.

Six songs passed before I felt any relief. At first it wasn’t noticed until I could take a full breath. It was when I turned my head to watch as the food was brought in that it became clear that I could now manage. It seemed it became clear to Aegon, too, as he left my side and took his place back across from Luke.

Luke, Jace, and Aegon took the seats on the end of the table nearest the windows. Luke and Aegon on the very end, Jace beside Aegon. Joffrey took a spot next to Luke. Then beside Joffrey sat Aemond, and beside Jace there was Helaena. Next to Aemond was Alicent, with Jaehaera across from her. Then you had me and I was sat across from Jaehaerys. To my right was Mother, and across from her sat Maelor. There was two empty seats on Mother’s other side, and across from them was Little Aegon and Viserys. Then a singular chair that looked down the whole of the table sat on the very end, also empty, and that was closest to the kitchen.

Alicent lead us all in prayer. Truthfully, I probably should’ve paid more mind to the words she was saying. It mattered a lot to her, Helaena, and even Aemond. Yet, when I looked down the table and saw Aegon watching my every move, every thought from my head left. So instead, I looked directly at my plate.

The juices that flowed from the goose glistened in the candlelight that danced against every surface in stunning opposition to how the dark gravy absorbed light. The cabbage and roasted chestnuts sat to the side of it, looking decently appealing on their own. There was a basket of bread placed down for every four people. All of the adults, save Aegon and I, had a large cup of wine sitting in front of them. If Aegon and the children had the same as me, we all had water. Once Alicent was done saying her prayers, the only sound to be heard was all of us eating our food.

It was delicious. Though it was not a surprise to me, as the cooks here in King’s Landing had always been phenomenal. Maybe it was the fuzziness in my head that made it more apparent. Yet, it seemed more complex than normal. The meat was almost sweeter, the gravy with a level of saltiness that counteracted it perfectly. The chestnuts were almost like velvet in my mouth, creating a feeling akin to butter. Even cabbage, that I normally did not like, was something I would pick again and again.

“Did you try to come back?” A small voice asked. I looked up, only to see Viserys staring at me.

“Viserys,” Mother said firmly. It was her warning tone. Perhaps she did not think it proper for him to question me.

“I can’t remember,” I said quietly. “But I cannot imagine a reality in which I did not fight to return back to you all.”

“Is that why you are all beat up?” Little Aegon asked me.

“Aegon,” Mother said with the same firmness. I reached to take her hand in mine and gave it a small squeeze. She needed to understand that they were allowed to ask me, I could not fault them for being confused.

“Possibly. But I do not remember,” I told him.

“Do you remember anything?” they both asked at the same time.

“Not from when I was gone, no,” I whispered. “But I remember before I was gone. I remember loving the two of you so much. I am sorry I disappeared, and I am sorry that you both grew up without me.”

All of that was mostly true. I hated my disappearance, as it did take me away from everyone I loved. Yet to say I do not remember anything from the time I was gone may not be true.

In my thoughts, I could wade through the fog that the biscuit causes. Only in this feeling did I get any information from my brain. When I tried desperately to remember the last five years, there were only two things that my mind could conjure up. A glowing vial of shimmering red fire that I am near certain was a potion swirled in and out of my mind’s eye. And there was a distinct feeling loneliness, of knowing that where I existed was not where I belonged.

The shade of red of the potion was eerily familiar. While equating it to fire would be the right way to imagine the way that the liquid flowed, it was poor in grasping the color. One could tell me that someone was able to melt rubies into this vial and I would believe them. That was the only physical thing that was colored correctly.

Until I could explain more or had more answers, I would not say anything. With how desperate Mother and Aemond were for vengeance, giving them half answers could cause more damage that it would repair. It was not worth it.

“Do you want to come to our dragon lessons tomorrow?” Little Aegon asked.

Unable to verbalize my answer, I nodded. Spending time with my two littlest brothers felt like exactly what I needed. They may not be quite sure about me at all, but they were willing to give me a chance. I suppose that is all I could ask for.

The sound of a chair scraping against the stone floor brought my attention to the left side of the table. Aemond stood with his cup raised. My jaw tightened. The last time he gave a toast, he managed to call my brothers bastards while ignoring that it meant I too was a bastard. It caused a fight to break out, with Jace punching Aemond and Aegon slamming Luke into the table. I was not wanting a repeat and I doubt anyone else did.

“A toast,” Aemond said. “To the return of Ali. The Keep had truly existed in a darkness without you.”

A heat rose to my cheeks with his words. It was tame, I suppose, with what he could say. Although, I do wish he would just have not brought any further attention to me. I don’t think I would be able to say anything to him though.

“I wish to take this moment to make it clear,” he said. As always there was a confidence he held that I couldn’t shake. “Byka zaldrīzes, no longer do I wish to hide my affections. It is here and now that I am declaring my intention to marry you.”

My heart started skipping beats. While he had said it aloud to me, he had not voiced it to anyone else. And it wasn’t entirely like it was a secret, as he had always been rather obvious. With this declaration there was no longer a doubt about where I stood with him.

Jace stood up quickly, slamming his hands on the table as he did so. “She is my twin, Aemond, my betrothed. You do not get to decide such a thing,” he said angrily.

Aegon grabbed Jace’s shoulder and pulled him back into a sitting position. I was aware of Aemond smirking as he watched Jace. Leave it to him to make this a little game, a game which he is certain he will win.

“It is not your decision, either,” Aegon told him as though he were spitting poison at him. My jaw dropped slightly. It was not usual that I saw him actually angry.

“And you think you get any say?” Aemond asked his older brother.

“I think the two of you are so focused on this pissing contest that’s been going on since we were children you fail to realize that she is hurt,” Aegon shouted, standing up. Despite being shorter than Aemond and not as broad as Jace, he somehow made himself look larger. He made himself an unmoving force.

“I better than anyone know that she is hurt,” Aemond said darkly, to which Jace voiced the same sentiment.

“Are you both so truly lost in your desires that you are ignoring the anguish she is in? She caused herself so much pain she was barely conscious just so she could feel as though she still has a place! Do not pretend this is about anyone other than the two of you,” Aegon shouted.

“And what of you? What is your plan, dear brother?” Aemond asked, moving himself to appear larger.

The difference between them in this moment was fascinating. Aemond wanted to prove his dominance. He felt he had some claim to me just because of the love he and I share. With Aegon, though, it was because he wanted to prove nothing more than he was capable of protecting me.

Aegon turned to look at me. I could see him ease up almost immediately. It was like just the sight of me was enough to calm him.

“I am here however you choose to have me,” he said softly, addressing me directly.

#dividers by benkeibear #aegon targaryen ii #out of time #jacaerys velaryon #aemond targaryen #hotd #aegon targaryen ii x reader #aemond targaryen x reader #jacaerys velaryon x reader #house of the dragon

[crippled-peeper]

You weren’t even the one to bring up madd people started talking about it on your post first

NOOOOOOOOO you’re not allowed to acknowledge them on the post they tried to make about themselves even tho they don’t even know what lethal ableist phenomena im discussing…. that’s ableist you big scary paralyzed monster!!!!! you should just clap like a seal whenever people try to make your post about your very specific traumas about being better than The Neurotypicals

#joke #I’m gonna go make a quesadilla #anyone want anything from the kitchen

[sophieinwonderland]

Quick question how do you tell if a source is reliable or not? I’m trying to look into MADD but not sure where to start

I use Google Scholar to find sources. Then look at the publisher and/or authors.

By the way, a ton of the research on MADD that you'll want to look into was written by Eli Somer, who originally coined the term. If you want to learn more about the disorder, his papers are probably the best places to start.

Here's one where he discussed MADD as a dissociative disorders:

#maladaptive daydreaming #madd #psychology #psychiatry #science #google scholar #academic papers #information #mental health

[orange-orchard-system]

Y'know, I think some people get the (incorrect) impression about our system that all our endogenic selves are spontaneous. While that is a good chunk of us, it's far from the extent of our endogenic origins.

Some of us are gateway members! We have a fond memory from several years ago when we were in the beginning stages of exploring our plurality of discussing with a gateway self what thons world was like, and there are a handful of other gateway selves we've met since then.

Some of us, in a similar vein, have spiritual origins about coming from another world or reincarnating directly into the system! And as another system once said, it'd be hypocritical of us to disparage these beliefs while accepting these beliefs when singlets have them. ... Not that we would; most of us share beliefs about reincarnation and the multiverse existing, lol.

Some of us were intentionally created, or are in-between intentional and unintentional in their formation. We actually made up a term for our system to describe these selves just because we get them so often, but I don't believe we've ever shared it (and we don't intend to, so don't ask).

Some of us come from our daydreaming! We've discussed possible psychological reasons amongst ourselves that this progression from "daydream character" to "self in our system" could occur, and it's one of the reasons we find connections between MaDD and DID in research to be fascinating! We've also discussed the interesting way maladaptive daydreaming lies in-between traumagenic and endogenic as an origin for us.

And at the end of the day... our endogenic and traumagenic origins mix simply due to the scientific understanding on how we got our DID. If we were born with alternate personality states, and trauma kept us from fusing into a singlet like most people do... that means there's at least a handful of us who have been here since we were born, doesn't it? There's at least a few of us who weren't caused by our trauma, merely separated by it. In that case, trauma wasn't the primary cause of our system – it's just been a major factor in how our system functions.

(Don't get me wrong, we still consider ourselves traumagenic, and we have selves we can identify as coming from trauma. But over time, our understanding of our system has shifted from "primarily traumagenic, with some incidental endogenic selves" to "originally protogenic, with traumatic factors present ever since we can remember that have had a huge impact on our system". In an old draft we never posted, we discussed how this is one of the reasons we like to focus more on being traumatized or trauma-based than on being traumagenic.)

When we say we're mixed origins, it's not just because we have some traumagenic members and some endogenic members. We have multiple endogenic origins, multiple traumagenic origins, and places where the boundary between both is muddled or blurred. Others, we're aware, may label their origins strictly on what they see as the primary cause of their system – but for us, we're no longer sure there is such a thing.

We're a very diverse system when it comes to origins. We may call ourselves traumaendo and mixed origin, but be careful what assumptions you make based on that! Origin labels can only tell you so much about a system – especially when it comes to umbrella terms such as these.

#plurality #pluralgang #actuallyplural #plural system #actuallyendogenic #actuallytraumagenic #front soup.txt #mixed origins #idr our tags lol we haven't talked much about our o.rigins in so long

[greens-spilled-tea]

Syscourse is so repetitive. All I've seen recently have been people getting so hung up on what specific words mean and arguing about how one side is misconstruing what the word means or misusing the word and how THEIR definition is the correct one and etc.

A system describes someone with dissociated parts of self, right? No, a system is someone who describes their experiences as being multiple identities in one body. No, a system only describes people who are diagnosed with a CDD. What's a CDD? Oh, it's anyone diagnosed with DID or OSDD-1 or P-DID. Does OSDD-1a count as a system? Or OSDD-2? What about other dissociative disorders? MaDD? What even is a disorder? What's plurality? Does this count as oppression? Ableism? Trauma? What do various the -genic labels even mean?

Words have meaning, you can't just use them willy-nilly. Oh, but you can use whatever words you want to describe your own experiences. But don't use words from another group or else you're muddling the language they can use for their own community. The coiner said this but I disagree so I'm changing the meaning. Language is always evolving after all, trying to assign only one meaning to a word is futile. But you shouldn't water down the meaning of words simply to suit your own needs.

This is why we can't have decent discussions in syscourse spaces. Everyone's using different definitions of the same words that in the end people are just misunderstanding each other left and right and often not even trying to understand other people's opinions.

#syscourse #by green #I'm so tired of how much these things go round and round and round #I want to stop getting so bogged down in terminology that nobody is going to agree on

[scorpiolight-madd]

I honestly wonder how much of my daydreams are influenced by my intrusive thoughts. It’s honestly hard to tell sometimes, with how dark my paracosms tend to be

Does anyone else feel this way?

A little more context for me personally: (TW discussion of sexual violence under the cut)

Blossom and In//finite’s whole arc and relationship were DEFINITELY a result of my intrusive thoughts, one that i ended up becoming so fixated on and spiralled so hard that it made me want to never touch the paracosm again. (Not saying I’ll never come back to sf:r, but the sexual violence he inflicted on her was so bad and intense and out of my control that I’ll need some time to recover from it.) i don’t think i talked about it much here, mostly out of fear that people would think im disgusting and/or call me a pro//shipper (even though it was extremely distressing for me and i could not control what was happening, but I know people who don’t have MaDD probably wouldn’t understand)

And something similar has happened again, though luckily it hasn’t spiraled out of control like it did with them. Sprıng//trap and Aria have always had an unhealthy relationship, born out of him lying to her and hiding things from her, but at least they’re both adults, and he’s always respected her autonomy and only acts sexual towards her with her consent, despite being otherwise a horrible person. But suddenly, out of nowhere he stabs her in a scene that felt EXTREMELY REMINISCENT of a rape scene (with him (again, TW) forcing his way into her room and pinning her to the bed, as well as the way the scene played out when it happened just feeling extremely sexual somehow in a way i can’t really describe in words.) He’s always been violent, obviously, but never THAT kind of violent.

I don’t know why this keeps happening, and I don’t want it to be. I don’t know how to make it stop

#censoring canon character names because I don’t want this showing up in their tags #actually madd #maladapting daydreaming disorder #maladaptive daydreaming #type: talking

[impunkster-syndrome]

Pinned post time I guess.

Edit: I deadass forgot a name. I got so many. Just go with BlackBox or Kunikos (they/them plural).

22. Angry queer cripple.

Conditions:

DID

BPD + AvPD

ADHD

Something on the schizospec

hEDS

Some disordered eating

POTS

MaDD

Seizure disorder, either epilepsy or PNES

Trauma-based paraphilic intrusive thoughts or paraphilic disorder

Celiac

Shellfish allergy

Some ego issues (Likely some NPD traits)

Hypoglycemia

Trying to figure out ASPD traits

lactose intolerance

If you ask for proof of diagnosis or demand that I be in agony constantly to be "valid" in my disability, go fuck yourself! You're ableist!

I'm cripplepunk, on the fringe of neuropunk, and a few other things.

Instead of a DNI, I'm making my stances clear:

- Disabled people can romanticize their own disorders and are not required to cater their existence to that of ableists. It becomes a problem when people who do not have that condition romanticize it or want that condition.

- Almost all media is problematic and part of that makes it great for analysis and discussion of culture. A lot of media is a mixed bag and is catered to specific audiences. But, that doesn't give you a free pass to post shit wherever without warning or to share content that is fanfiction of real people or other things that can cause harm or be used for grooming out in the open. You can write dark shit as a coping skill without sharing it with everyone you meet. Not proship, not antiship, but a literal adult with bigger struggles than online fights that everyone is an asshole in.

- Mspec queers are welcome in this house. Neopronouns, xenogenders, endogenic systems, too. If you're a detransitioner who found that transitioning didn't work for you but still support trans people, you're welcome here.

- I do not have to be nice to bigots or people spouting bigotry. Generally it's good to be nice to people even if you dislike them. But if someone is spouting genocidal and/or fascist rhetoric I will beat the shit out of you with my crutches.

- I'm an anti contact paraphile due to trauma and potential programming. No, it's none of your business what my paraphilias are. Just that I am anti contact. I will talk about my experiences here. If you think people like me should die for what trauma did to us, save your breath and fuck off.

- You are not entitled to any information about me, my system, or disabilities. Everything here is information I choose to give.

- Radqueers are not fucking welcome here. Get offline and actually talk to the minorities you say you want to be like. Not only the ones that agree with you.

- Gore and suicide-adjacent edgeplay blogs are not welcome here. I'm reporting your shit if you don't have your content tagged and community labeled properly.

closted-punk -> crippled-kunikos -> impunkster-syndrome

[maddgical-boy]

remakin my pinned post bc i love spending hours on fun formats. anyways

⸝⸝⊂➜﹒it's me! ⊃⸝⸝

mark/vinny ☆ he/him ☆ minor (strictly 18+ only blogs block me)

hello all! here i post about all things daydreaming-related, as well as some self insert stuff since there is big overlap there for me.

i have mainly fictparacosms (paracosms of existing fictional media). i'm kinda shy about them so i don't discuss them as much but please be respectful when i do. they do not always line up with canon and i just want to be happy and have a fun time since my life is sad. :)

❤️ this blog is a safe space for all madders/iders and whatever you daydream about. even if it's considered really dark nasty shit, and even if it's willingly! fiction is fiction my friends. ❤️

feel free to send asks about my paracosms or about yours! tumblr is buggy and i am chronically ill so i may not get to it right away, but rest easy knowing each ask is treasured in my heart <3 i'm shy but i want to interact with you all

if you want to see more of my silly self talking about other random things, my main is @thecrimeofmans-laughter!

below are paracosms & tags!

paracosms ☁︎‎‎‧₊˚*𖦹

these fluctuate in and out of how relevant they are to me, especially because god cursed my interests to wholly take over my life and then suddenly evaporate like sweat. this is also why i have random mini paracosms that only come out of hibernation if my hyperfixation does too! lmao

───-> ORIGINAL

■ queerer things still — five teens learn of the magical secret realms on earth and travel through them to uncover the main para (enya liao)'s mysterious past. all of them have magical powers and all of them have emotional baggage that they are eventually forced to deal with by fighting monsters that target their greatest weaknesses. everything is weird and also everything is queer (hence the name).

───-> FICTPARACOSMS

■ arrows of shield — big crossover between marvel's agents of shield and the cw's arrowverse. at the center of it all is me, because i am awesome. (and because i need to cope with life.) the only other teenagers (and original paras) are cicero (an entity meant to deal with all emotional and physical pains) and jessop jiang (a boy from the typical 60s american suburb who accidentally killed his mother).

■ the super happy life of akemi ōtani — a blanket paracosm for all daydreams involving any of koei's musou warriors games (that i have played, which is dw8, sw2, 4, 4ii, and 5, and wo4). the name is from one of my two samurai warriors ocs, as she has a very normal, happy life with her dad and sister that is absolutely not besieged by period-typical war. (also my icon on this blog is of nō, who is a character from sw5! she's in her dlc outfit. i love her)

■ yttd paracosm 2 — i don't have a name for this one yet shhh. anyway have you ever theorized that shunsuke hayasaka is sue miley's mysterious fiancé and then made a yttd sona that has become separate from you and is also their adopted child and is also dating ranmaru kageyama and then spent way too much time rewriting the lore of the game to fit this change? that's what this is. (my first yttd paracosm is asunaroland which isn't as major anymore but yeah. i have 2 of these fuckers)

tags i'll use ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

i love using tags i love organizing i love formatting i love archiving ＼(^▽^＠)ノ ☆ヾ(*´▽｀)ﾉ ~(≧◇≦)/ﾞﾞﾞ

my original posts -> #mark stops daydreaming for a sec.txt

answering asks -> #mark answers asks, #ask game answers | feel free to send in something from my ask game!

vents about madd -> #madd vent, #intrusive daydreaming | all of these are ok to rb

positivity about daydreaming -> #positivity <3

my art -> #martk | other art is on my toyhouse and instagram AND CARA!!

useful madd-related things -> #useful

anything not daydreaming-related, for whatever reason -> #not madd

...and probably other tags i'm forgetting! yayyy!!

all paracosms and paras are tagged #like this* to avoid anything (like fictpara stuff) showing up in big public tags because i am Scared

dividers: animatedglittergraphics-n-more

#EDIT: you rebloggers didn't tell me that i wrote 7 clouds in the image descriptions when there are 9???? 😭 help me lord i am tired today #mark stops daydreaming for a sec.txt #maladaptive daydreaming #immersive daydreaming #madd #don't mind me sometimes the goblin in my brain that really likes searching through aesthetic dividers and pretty text formats takes over

[baby--charchar]

..........

I wanna clarify something with like- the whole of maladaptive daydreaming tumblr, especially those that concurrently struggle with general dissociation.

When a new parame/paraself is formed, do others struggle with the feeling that they're taking over your brainspace? Like, you're kinda hyperfixated on them for a while; then you notice that you start liking and seeking out things they already enjoy; maybe some of their personality bleeds into yours; and you just have this ongoing feeling that they are quite literally crawling under your skin and could pop out at any second?

Just...I don't see this talked about enough in MADD discussions to where I'm starting to wonder if this is more dissociation heavy than I originally understood it to be.

#maladapting daydreaming disorder #madd #maladaptive daydreaming #actually madd #dissociation

[florietiae]

thinking abt my fandomless mermaid oc again. ( well, not quite. i made her a water spirit instead. bullet point info undercut. keep in mind that i'm still working things out so i may tweak some of this later. )

her name is madeline ty.

dark hair, dark-eyed. small freckles along the bridge of her nose.

she was human once. married young & was eventually drowned by her shitty, abusive husband.

( feel like now would be a good time to mention that madds is semi-based on slavic folklore & a creature called r.usalka. )

the g.ods quite literally went 'yeah, no. we're not having this' and would not let her die, so she was resurrected as a fertility / water nymph.

like most nymphs, maddie can still die, but her lifespan is increased well beyond natural concision. her beauty is largely unaffected by time.

yes, she does k.ill her ex. rips his throat out. no, she does not feel bad about it.

really loves kids.

can appear as human & walk on land, but needs to get back into the water at least one day a week.

very pansexual.

not necessarily malevolent or evil & will happily help you if you are hurt/lost etc, but she will also attempt to drag you under / wrap you in her hair and drown you if you threaten her. her teeth can change change shape, and are inhuman & sharp. almost shark-like when moving in for the kill.

has the gift of song, similar to mermaids. however, majority of the time, this is used to soothe, not kill/manipulate/enchant. ( not that she can't use it for that, but you know lmao. she just chooses not to. )

can heal as well, but may not be able to save you if the injury is grave enough.

working on human verse, but i'm thinking marine animal veterinarian ??

in verses where she is a nymph trying to live as a mortal, she's staying in a small, cozy apartment with a lake hidden near the back of the complex. this is where you'll find her during that 'one day a week' thing i mentioned.

how she might react upon your muse finding her will prob vary unless we discuss it.

does not have a tail like mermaids do, but does have silver scales that appear along her legs, and fin-like ears when in water.

thinking about Lore, and the idea of there being an herb / edible flower that she's able to eat to make herself permanently human, or, vice versa, make the other muse like her.

idk if i'll bother with icons in the end, but the vibe is something similar to m.aris r.acal.

when human, she is between the ages of 26 and 29. but i can write her to be older or younger depending on the plot.

that's all i can think of for now. i'll add / post more if it comes up!

i'm sure i can figure out write her into different fandoms so please feel free to interact!

#。 ·ﾟ ❪ 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣𝙨 ❫ — madeline ty. #boop.

[maladaptivedaydreamingculture]

Do you think MaDD can affect brain chemistry and alter memory or something in future?

Does is endanger us to shizophrenia or something?

I'm no doctor so take this with a grain of salt.

While I do think that memories can be blurred, both by an alter and singlet standpoint, I don't think it can develop into schizophrenia or anything like that. Mainly because there's no evidence to support that:

It is 4 in the morning so I'm not as articulate as I would like but that's the gist of it. Any other thoughts are appreciated

#maladaptive daydreaming #not a culture

[theinvitation-bot]

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳

the morning light soon hit and yangyang’s eyes suddenly fluttered open when he heard the sounds of nature around him become louder, taking a few moments to take in his surroundings, before sighing remembering the events from last night. yangyang felt sad but missed guilty, if he could cry more he would but he knew if wouldn’t fix things. He picked himself up and dusted his clothes before thinking of a plan, yangyang thought about flowers but that was too small, he went to hyungwon right away to discuss moving the date, “the wedding needs to be moved to this weekend, i can’t wait two more painful weeks after last night. please hyung” he said. Yangyang explained everything that happened while hyungwon cleaned up his cuts, he sighed since it messed up the plan but understood, “I’ll see what I can do but no more fuck ups okay? now go get changed for your duties, ace is waiting and you’re an hour late” Which madd him jump from his seat and run to his quarters.

@livealittleoc-cb

#yangyang 🔪 #update

[insanityconflict]

Hi, hello, brushing off the dust on this blog for a quick PSA/warning. I’m only posting here because I know a decent amount of MadCom fans follow me and some important shit needs to be said; There’s no comeback for me, unfortunately, at least not yet.

Some of you may know @/maddsmakara. If you don’t, now’s a good chance to know about them. First thing’s first, please, for the love of whatever god there is, BLOCK THEM. For the past year, there’s been an ongoing streak of bad things all around involving them, particularly with one of my close friends. They’re responsible for heavy psychological abuse and manipulation, which has left a horrible lasting impression on all of us. 

They would constantly guilt trip anyone they came across into feeling bad for them and making everything about them. They would also mention several things about doing unpleasant things to their OCs, claiming that they were “uncomfortable discussing it with minors” (all of us had done TERRIBLE things to our OCs, so this was a pretty big red flag) but would constantly squeal at the mere mention of anything violent. They always shoved their OCs down everyone else’s throats and forced their hands in OUR characters’ lore to fit their own. Madds also would infantilize many characters, which made several people uncomfortable. I won’t go into much detail on a personal level for the sake of my friend, but I’ll update this bit of the post if I have permission to go on. Please, for your own sakes, if you’re “friends”/aqcuantances or have some kind of contact with them, block them immediately. Save yourself from the potential abuse you’ll face.

Again, if I get permission, I’ll link a full document detailing what happened with Madds and our friend group; I just don’t wanna drop something that heavy without making sure it’s okay with my friends, y’know? That being said, I’ll be happy to answer any questions about all this to the best of my ability with proof if available. We have  PLENTY of screenshots saved up for multiple incidents.

Thanks for reading if you got this far. Stay safe, guys. I miss you all and I hope I can come back soon with some actual content <3

#canid.txt #madness combat #madcom #psa #important message #reblog and spread however you can