#and are the people telling men they're not allowed to be masculine in the room with us right now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

biracy · 6 months

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I can't remember if I've posted abt this before but regardless: I'm sorry but I really and truly cannot get behind the idea that there is any wide-scale societal "pressure for trans men to be feminine" or "to be twinks" or whatever. You are either conflating a very small online community's beauty standard (usually some kind of transmasc pseudo-appropriation of "femboy" aesthetics, which yes, are often Bad and regressive and fetishized and etc.) with Mainstream Society, or confusing society not wanting trans men to transition with "wanting trans men to be feminine", which are certainly not the same thing. Ultimately if a cis person believes there is any validity to the concept of being trans (i.e. not a Posie Parker-esque "there's no such thing as a trans person" type), they are more likely to think that trans men should be like as masc and buff and hairy as possible or whatever bc that's what cis people think men look like and it's easier for a lot of people to recognize someone who Looks Masc as a man. It is difficult sometimes to see derision of trans guys who are Too Feminine and Not Hairy Enough or whatever (which is not always something someone has control over btw) as anything but "this is Skye who I think is a confused little girl because Skye does not pass" slightly restyled for 2023 "filthcore fagdykes" or whatever lol

#and btw 'twink' is not synonymous with 'skinny' that's not all it means i am so so so tired of seeing it used that way #i am also tired of like Positivity Posts for 'bears' needing to be based on derision of 'twinks'. get over that!#open mick night #lgbt #gender #god this is like that post where op is like It's sooooo hard being a trans girl who wants a vagina bc that's not the mainstream :pensive:#is it not? mainstream society decided women can have dicks? since when?#let men be masculine or whatever #sorry i know i've been talking abt this a lot lately but yknow it Is difficult. given the way i look and all that #like people keep saying that elliot page tweet was Actually About Body Type but like. is it? or is it about I Don't Think Elliot Page Passe #also tbh people say the same shit abt cis men. 'people are okay with Fem Queers(tm) but not Masc Queers(tm)' wow are they? since when?#and are the people telling men they're not allowed to be masculine in the room with us right now

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piratecaptainscaptainpirates · 4 months

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Another thing I adore about OFMD is how the discussion of masculinity is so nuanced. It's like - the best way I can think to describe the depiction of gender in OFMD is it's like the opposite of the recent Barbie movie, if that makes sense? I thought Barbie was fine but its understanding of gender was very basic to the point of being almost reductive, and the whole movie just screamed "this was written by cis people!" OFMD has the exact opposite vibes, you can TELL there were trans writers in the writing room.

So often, when we see gay relationships in media, there's an attempt to force the characters to be "the feminine one" and "the masculine one" in a very transparent showing of how they're too scared of queerness so there have to be some gender roles shoved in there. Ed and Stede turn that trope right on its fucking head.

Because Ed and Stede both have different and complex relationships with their own masculinity, and they're both feminine and masculine in different ways. Stede worries about being seen as soft and struggles with what a "man's work" should look like, but even in more practical clothes he loves his little accessories and he just adores showy, campy clothing. Ed feels forced into an ideal of hyper-masculinity, but he also loves wearing soft robes, painting his nails, and writing poetry. He painted a bride cake topper to look like himself as an expression of his deepest, most tender dreams and it's never made into a joke. OFMD's thesis statement is that "the things we're taught about being a man are wrong," and it shines through in every angle of the show. The men on the show are allowed to be tender as hell and it's a fucking strength.

It's such a lovely, queer thing, to see both of these characters get to express feminine traits in their own masculine way, without the narrative telling us they're any less of a man for it or asking us to laugh at them.

#ofmd #our flag means death #and the fact that we get to see this with men of color? i fuckin' grin like an idiot every time i think about it!

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bilbobagginsomebabez · 1 year

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@[REDACTED] because you heathens can't let someone fucking LEARN. op, I intend this kindly, but I can tell you would not be a friend to terfs and this whole thing is rooted in terf brainrot. I'm choosing community today and going to explain why this is terfy shit fucking over trans mascs.

so the core of the terf belief system is that there is a bioessentialist Quality Of Men that makes them fundamentally an Oppressor who can never face marginalization, right? we disagree with that because we love trans people--both women and men. if men are Fundamentally Oppressors, you can't Change Genders. here's the thing. under the premise of "transmasculine oppression does not occur at any axis so they can't have this word", you have removed the bioessentialist aspect but still accepted that there is a Quality Of Men that innately makes them an Oppressor that can never face marginalization.

now the next logical step that we've taken from "men can never be oppressed or have a -phobia term" is that because the "base model" or cis men aren't oppressed and don't face what would hypothetically be "androphobia," trans men cannot create the term "transandrophobia" to describe their real experiences of pain and oppression. despite this weird semantic caveat, we both fully and entirely agree that trans men/mascs do face real oppression specifically due to being Trans Men/Mascs that is different in nature from the cruelty and oppression that Trans Women/Femmes face. so we fully agree that the phenomenon is real, but you and many others are for some reason saying they cannot have a word to describe it. they can't have a word to describe their real experiences because the "base model" doesn't face oppression and we hate the base model so much they specifically do not and can never have a -phobia word.

what is the point of this? who does this help?

it helps terfs keep trans mascs isolated is who it helps. i just. i think the toxicity of the idea is really represented in action right now. because we are talking about a group of men/masculine people who are actively specifically marginalized. they are telling us they are being targeted for detransition and conversion therapy. they are trying to tell us something and we aren't listening because we're playing semantic games over what words they're allowed to use. because they aren't oppressed enough to "be at an axis." in practice right now, it seems like "be at an axis" has turned into "have a real voice in the community." there needs to be room here, conversations where "trans masc" isn't a performative placeholder for "passing trans men," more fluid boundaries between "Man" and "Woman" and how people identified within those categories face marginalization, less hatred for Men and more love for queer life and liberation. not just to be inclusive of nonbinary people who also exist and face weird mixes of both of these real things--transandrophobia and transmisogyny-- but because right now we are denying solidarity to members of our community and limiting our own discussion and understanding in favor of forcing a Very Harassed Group Of Us to endlessly workshop the term over petty semantic grievances.

and I'm sorry but i really. just need us to collectively take a moment and reflect that the grievance is "this word could be broken down into another word we wouldn't like." and i don't really know what to do with that. there are a lot of good reasons to use the term "transandrophobia" not the least of which is because it's immediately descriptive under the language rules we all know (the marginalization/hate that trans men face) but because it fits in with all of the other queer terms--biphobia, homophobia, lesbophobia, aphobia, queerphobia--we generally went hard in terms of "phobia" terms. trans-andro-phobia seems perfectly reasonable to me to describe the hatred of trans men. i am really really sad that "'andro' can't be in a 'phobia' word because men can never be oppressed" became the dominant discourse on this because it really is just. mean. it's just mean-spiritied. 'misandry' already exists. if whatever you were scared of was gonna happen, it already would have. i really cannot comprehend the preferencing of some nebulous possible harm of "androphobia" over and above our ability to describe real problems facing members of our community.

again i ask you, who does this help? trans mascs are our community and they are being attacked brutally and quietly and we aren't talking about it because?? men can't be oppressed because they're not on an axis? they are asking us for solidarity. and they need it.

trans men are asking us to see that terfs weaponize murderous language against trans women but they are no less genocidal in their aims of targeting trans men and mascs for de-transition, conversion therapy, and corrective rape. "lost lesbians" and "lost daughters" and "irreversible damage" are rallying cries and money makers among the far right--they say "keep your daughters daughters, keep them in the ontological category of victim before they become a predator."

the hostility to the term transandrophobia because "men can't be oppressed" is the internalization of the terf belief that men are fundamentally and innately predators and oppressors instead of people reacting to their position under the system of patriarchy. it's a belief that never allows for the destruction of the patriarchy. it says you can never be a gender-traitor unless you're the right gender--a feminine gender (woman) fighting against the innately violent masculine onslaught (men). there are straight cis men who fight against toxic male gender norms and face violence for it, too. this model cannot articulate that violence beyond "homophobia" and it cannot articulate the violence against our trans brothers beyond "transphobia" and that is a failure. that is not ideological purity-- that is an active failure to real and living members of your community. we need to articulate it.

transandrophobia is a perfectly serviceable term to describe a real problem that needs a term. trans men and mascs face specific violences. your response literally agrees that it's real. we have both stated on multiple occasions that agree that it's real. so we need to be able to talk about it. so we need a word for it.

i would encourage you in general to prioritize people's wellbeing over and above linguistic purity. especially right now when things are getting worse and worse and worse for ALL trans people.

#long but i'm verbose.#transandrophobia #longpost #meat filled gourd

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solarmagickstar · 3 months

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Not super into Jessie Gender, but I watched their video on "how we talk about trans men" and I've gotta say it was disappointing asf.

As a trans masc/guy I feel like I can't really have an opinion? Like for me it's like I'm too scared to be angry, like if I am it's just gonna be thrown back at me like "oh it must be those testosterone hormones coming out" or "well of course your all angry your a man" like men can't be sensitive at all or something? It's almost always said in a way to "give me euphoria" cause that's how we're supposed to treat men.

At times it really feels like we're being pushed out of queer spaces because we'll if your a guy you wouldn't wanna be a part of the marginalised group ya know cause "we're escaping to get to privilege" right?

I don't feel like our experience with gender is allowed to be expressed openly and we're absolutely not allowed to be GNC. And honestly the same could probably be said for GNC trans fems too, I don't see a lot of them either.

I feel like in Jessie gender's video they kinda didn't *actually* wanna sit with what they said originally? Like when it came to the Barbie movie I wanted to participate in the conversation of girl hood and how that's still relevant to me and how it's shaped me as the person I am today, how much I enjoyed the Ken dolls experience and how they played with masculine fashion in a way I hadn't seen in a while. But honestly I felt like well this movies for the girls so I probably shouldn't say anything.

Sometimes I wonder if we partially do this to ourselves because a lot of us keep to ourselves and don't really wanna be seen half the time. I haven't talked to the trans masc I knew since we all left Facebook, it's so lonely out here and the more I look for trans content the more I see trans fems and basically only white trans masc (with like maybe 2 poc ones but is that really all we get?) It makes me feel like I don't exist. The only places I can see poc trans masc viking or existing is on sites run by a variety of trans people or is run by a trans masc person living free.

When I see that I think, thank god your fucking real. Thank god I see someone like me thriving and existing out there.

I wanna see more of y'all, like actually see y'all, I feel like I'm fading away as more and more content keeps talking about how bad trans fems (oh and non binary but let's not define what you mean or who you're talking about we just throw them in there cause let's be more inclusive right? But only to you? Great) but the amount of trauma that's in the trans masc community is horrific and is not talked about or addressed at all.

In men's spaces there's not room for queer most of the time, so to find a place to belong and essentially get told my issues aren't as important or that trans fems ("and nonbinary" cause again you're lying to yourself by saying this even if your non-binary) then you're fundamentally missing out on our lives. I don't even feel like we have enough data on us because even the trans masc get lumped in with nonbinary or GNC like that's just fucking normal.

I remember a study was out on trans masc and GNC women about how often all of us deal with sexual assault and it's the closest I've seen and it wasn't even good findings it was depressing. I wish I could find it again. But again that study put us with GNC (pretty sure it was cis) women!

Please not this is coming from someone who's been SA'd pre and post coming out as trans. Did you know some people see us as a way to see if they're gay or bi? Like experiment on us, get us drunk and tell us we should just take it because "well you're supposed to be a man right?" We can't even get to these conversations yet and I'm worried we never will.

Do we even exist? Are we allowed to voice our opinions? Are we allowed to be mad? Are we allowed to be upset with our community? Can we do our own studies? Should we be more visible? I'm scared to, I don't wanna show my face I'm a very private person, but do I need to address that? Is that a bad thing? Is it perpetuated by my environment?

I don't know and honestly I just wanna see more variety of trans masc people, I'm scared we're just gonna stay under the radar and continue to deal with the bullshit we always have.

Ps. Jessie gender 100% did the I have a trans masc friend, no matter how much they said "I'm not doing that" they literally were doing it and there was almost no self reflection on that at all. This wasn't really the video I think they thought it was cause all it did was tell me they don't talk to us very often and that at this point I've just seen heart reacts to comments on their video's comments and not any actual responses to what anyone's said on there. It'll be a process I get it but this video was not good at all and I feel like any trans masc who's getting excited about being seen by a bigish YouTuber is like me desperate for anything validation cause that's kinda how starved we are out here tbh.

#transgender #transmasc #trans man #trans #trans guy #jessie gender #youtube #ftm #ftm trans #non bianry #nonbinary

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tartt9 · 6 months

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for a large majority of jamie's life, his managers fell under two categories: bad and pep.

in this blog's canon, he got his call up to city's senior side under pelligrini, who i'll be the first to admit i don't know a TON about personally, but he's a manager who moves clubs every 2-3 years so that tells me enough about his coaching style to say that jamie never felt secure or comfortable under him especially coming in as a junior. jamie as a rookie was bullied by the older men in the club for his talent according to phil so i'm running with that and saying that that was all happening under pelligrini (or whatever lassoverse person was at city before pep, there's no mention of city before pep so i'm assuming it adheres to real life staff).

then pep comes in and switches up the wholeeee atmosphere at the club. he's not a manager who would allow bullying of any sort in his dressing room, which is part of the reason that im convinced jamie got his senior call up before pep came. anyways pep is known for being this very affectionate, very loving, very emotional coach - he's everything james denigrated in a man and everything jamie was taught he wasn't allowed to be, but here's a shining example of the fact that he can be emotional and affectionate and still be successful in football so he started to really grow into the premier league under pep's management!

pep constantly rotates his starting xi, he cares deeply for his young players and wants to make sure they shine, will constantly lather praise upon them when he's asked, will wrap his players in hugs after matches. pep has no room for an ego in his dressing room and he will sit players who think they're better than the environment he creates. having pep to support him while he's coming up and growing into these massive, premier league sized boots is something so important for who jamie is as a player and a man.

not to mention he's also a tactical genius and has now won the treble twice (the only manager to ever do that in european football). plus. this is him as a player (that has nothing to do with jamie's experience with him but i think jamie learned a lot from him both about football and as a player, plus as a man. i think a lot of his personality comes from pep). and when jamie was sent on loan it was with a promise from pep that if jamie could develop a little bit more he'd earn his spot in the XI more frequently, he could start for city instead of just being a second teamer. so he goes. (i also think pep knew about jamie's whole thing about roy but that's not the point rn)

pep does not like george cartrick. sending jamie on loan to richmond was probably something he didn't exactly want to do but he knew it was best for jamie as a player. the handshake between cartrick and pep after richmond lost to city 9-0 at the etihad while jamie sat in the vip section bc he couldn't play against his parent club was probably SOOOO passive aggressive. like. this level of passive aggression

and cartrick's a shit manager who cares more about slinging slurs and proving his own masculinity than about managing a successful team, richmond's canonically mediocre pre-s1 and i think that has to do with cartrick not caring if not using the James Tartt Method of "you're failing so you're xyz a little bitch zyx". so from jamie to go from pep to that was probably just. awful for his mental health. he was being driven to the point of insanity due to incompetent coaching, and not to mention he had mannion whispering into his ear about the fact that he could become a star at richmond akin to messi and ronaldo and all those people

and then ted comes and jamie's under his fourth manager in five years and he now knows it's a coin toss but he starts off skeptical bc he's an american. we see jamie lifting weights pre-press conference but as soon as ted starts talking and it cuts back to the gym jamie's actually listening to ted and giving him a chance. but ted keeps proving his own incompetence as a manager and jamie trusts him less and less as he comes up with these mediocre plays and doesn't seem to care when they lose and they fall more and more towards the bottom of the table and jamie knows relegation is a real fear and he wants to do everything in his power to keep richmond from that not just to impress his dad but to impress pep so he keeps fighting and we find out that he's scored 11 goals during his loan (which is in the top 20 of most goals scored all SEASON in 2019-20, not even counting the goals jamie may have scored upon his return to city) so like. obviously jamie cares about richmond, he cares about the club, he wants to see them succeed. and ted's just fucking them all up. that drives jamie more and more towards a full fledged breakdown because no matter how hard he tries he's not the manager, he's not a captain, he feels like he's the only one actually trying for the sake of this team bc at that point roy definitely isn't (even if jamie's being a prick about it the whole time)

and jamie doesn't like ted when he first shows up, but he STILL goes to the sacrifice show and tell, he still TRIES (like sure it's with a nudge from keeley but he still could've just... not gone) and he gets sent back to city anyway. and that starts to solidify ted with the cartrick class of managers he's had. and then ted sees james literally abusing him, jamie looks to him with a look in his eyes that's like. please help me. and ted walks away. and that's that. jamie's firmly of the belief that he's had pep, and then he's had shit managers.

and he wants to thrive at city because pep is a Good Manager and a Good Man. but. james gets to him too much and he has to leave the one Man In A Position Of Authority he's ever trusted just to keep himself safe from a full fledged breakdown bc of his dad (even if going on lust was his full fledged breakdown, his cry for help that no one seemed to hear)

so he goes back to ted bc ted's the only manager who'd agree to have him after lust, and he tries so hard, but it's pretty obvious that beard/nate/roy are the reasons the club's even running a little bit successfully, and it takes jamie (with peace and love) to elevate the club back to the prem

he likes ted as a man, but he's not entirely sure he's a good manager, even after s3. ted's obviously good with the players, with the environment he brings to the club, but he barely knows the offside rule in the finale which.... with peace and love.... it is not that hard to learn

we don't canonically know what roy's like as a manager, but seeing him interact with isaac, seeing him coach... i'd like to think he falls more under the 'pep' category than the 'bad' category but... we don't know ! we don't know <3

#headcanons !#tagging this even though it's just 1200 words of me rambling about jamie and his managers #this is not a ted hate account btw i just don't think he was good for jamie as a player #he was very good for him as a man but....... i think beard did more for jamie the footballer than ted did

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th0ru · 1 year

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Introducing Baron, an OC from my book [Heaveanly Bodies] which you can read right now!

Click below for character traits and stuff!

/// Backstory ///

Baron is the second in command and number one to Winsor. The captain to the cult of the wind. Baron's muscular build was only possible through the constant demand and rigorous training from Winsor.

Baron was found as a young teen on the brink of death, by Winsor, a captain in training at that time and only an ensign. They were only a couple years apart in age. Together they have risen through the ranks and now command the cult. Concurrently they plan to explore "The First Sphere" a portal in space that looks akin to a 'White Moon"

/// Personality ///

Baron is a little goofy but can be serious at times, he's the type of person who will crack a joke during serious conversations and awkwardly laugh it off when he realizes it didn't land. He's a sort of meathead and some would even call him simple. He's anything but! Baron only shows his true self to those he feels emotionally attached to. And doesn't care about anything else.

Winsor has to reel him in at times because his jokes can sometimes get him in trouble, with higher-ups from the cult. However, Baron constantly mocks those below him and bullies them in a playful way. Some members of the cult don't take to him so kindly. Nevertheless, Baron doesn't care much about outward appearances, he cares very much about Winsor though. Throughout the years both men have developed an emotional attachment that is considered more than friends, more than captain and one, and some could even call it romantic. However, their relationship is disproven by the cult as Baron usually takes the 'masculine' role in the affinity, making Winsor fall in shame.

Winsor couldn't care less about what "The Ten" have to say and only allowed the relationship to flourish naturally.

/// MBTI ///

ESFP-T

Baron is cheerful and is constantly on the move, he can never sit still for one second, and he's always fidgeting when Winsor is explaining some important details, but he always listens. Baron can easily deal with unforeseen challenges and is ready to come up with creative solutions to whatever Winsor needs. Baron holds that glint in his eyes for life.

Baron is Extroverted by nature and likes to talk to people, especially seeking new people stimuli. However, Baron is very much about matching whatever energy you bring to the table. And can also sense when others aren't right for him. His observation skills with body language can easily tell him how other people are feeling. And that helps him play his emotions by ear. Baron carries a sort of golden retriever energy with him wherever he goes. Just by walking into a room he can make you smile. His presence is warm, yet assertive.

Baron is great at parties, but don't expect him to spend too much time with one person, he's definitely a mingler. And will gravitate toward conversations that make him laugh, and have a good time.

Don't worry, he's sure to check up on his friends and makes sure they're arent' feeling left out.

Sometimes Baron can have a little trouble choosing from one thing to another, especially if he doesn't know the right answer.

/// Hobbies ///

There's not much time to spend on personal time with helping to run a military cult and all, but when Winsor allows for free time, Baron spends it going out to festivals, and prancing about the town. Baron is fond of trying new foods around the city and loves to walk the streets at night.

He's very easy to please and usually doesn't get into trouble.

He might spend one or two gold on gambling, but it's nothing serious. Baron might also prefer being oriented towards work, however going about the town alone is not a problem for him, as he's pretty much able to make friends In strange places. He's calm and enjoys other's people company.

Sometimes at night, he might reflect on the way things are but quickly shoves intrusive thoughts aside.

/// Sexuality ///

Baron is canonically Demi/Pan. Meaning he is only attracted to someone if he forms a strong enough connection with them, friends are not considered a viable romantic option to him until he knows the vibe he might have with that other person. He's genderblind.

/// Stats ///

(Based on 5e)

Strength (10[+2])

Dexterity (12(+1))

Constitution (15(+3))

Intelligence (9(+0))

Wisdom (8(+0))

Charisma (13(+2))

/// Class ///

(Based on FFXIV)

Marauder

(P.S. The illustrations lost it's true colors due to compression (¬､¬))

(P.S.2 Skills and class are just for fun.)

You can read Heavenly Bodies right now!

#OC #my ocs #oc artwork #Heavenly Bodies #web novel #Baron #drawing #illustration

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vaspider · 2 years

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Sorry long.

It's strange to me that u are using transandrophobia to describe intracommunity issues/bias/unfair treatment (whatever you want to call it) the majority of things I find in my life and describe as transandrophobia happens from cis people especially (perceivably and confirmed) cishet people. I don't think it can't not be intra community I'm just curious as to why that was like ur major point. Like "describing intra community issues" is what was said I think. Could you maybe get into what you describe transandrophobia as? I don't know the origins of the word I only know my own experiences and what I and other trans masc aligned people I know describe it as.

What I know it as is negative bias towards trans masculine aligned people. Specifically bias that attacks parts of them (perceived or real) based off of femininity, feminine physical features, or perceived gender as a woman. So regular ol sexism towards a transmasc is transandrophobia, calling trans men uwu softboys only bc they're trans men could be a transandro micro aggression. Including trans men in women only spaces, removing period products from the men's room, acting like trans men don't exist, and stuff like talking about biological facts of trans men like giving birth or periods or breast issues as if that only ever applies to women is all trans androphobia.

I have been so confused about trans fems hating transandro stuff because to me I've literally been describing what cis and cishet people do to me and from my perspective they've been telling me I've been divisive for talking about things completely seperated and removed from trans feminine people and spaces. Most of the stuff I've seen is about how trans men are trying to steal transmisogyny from trans femmes because transandrophobia kinda sorta sounds like transmisogyny. Which is bizarre to me because like biphobia, lesbophobia all derived from homophobia which that word didn't come about organically either. I might see some people have some good points somewhere I just haven't seen any actual arguments. Mostly memes where trans femme teenagers say mascs who talk about transandrophobia have "no bitches"

I don't think it's ever been my major point - almost all of the things that I listed in my list of off the top of my head transandrophobia things are things cishets primarily perpetrate. Lateral aggression is possible between and within all marginalized groups, though, and there has been a lot of lateral aggression around the very concept of transandrophobia.

I'm really looking forward to a time when I can discuss the transandrophobia that I experience in my daily life which is perpetrated by the cishet power structure without having to repeatedly defend the idea that my experiences are unique and real to members of my own community. I'm really looking forward to being able to define my own experience as a trànsmasc without having to repeatedly tell people who aren't transmascs that they don't get to define my experiences or tell me what I'm going through or insist that they know better than me what I experience and the oppression I face.

Unfortunately, as you say, you experience this yourself. So while we're dealing with the actual oppression from the actual power structures, we're having to waste tons of time asking our siblings to, you know, allow transmascs to be the authority on our own experiences. It's bizarre that we're here, but here we are.

#trans issues #transandrophobia is real #trans #transgender

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scentedluminarysoul · 2 years

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A woman is a biological woman, with female bodyparts and female chromosomes. What’s your definition? And could you also define what a man is, please, or is it only the definition of woman that is being called into question?

I don’t have a problem with if a man wants to transition and jerk off watching himself in a mirror, like you said. But you’re wrong that they’re not hurting anyone. My problem is with biological men wanting to get into women only spaces. Like women’s sport, women’s changing rooms, women’s hospital wards, women’s prisons. And don’t tell me no woman has ever gotten hurt by a violent man that was allowed into a women only space simply by saying he identifies as a woman, it has happened.

I have no problem with how anyone identifies or dresses, truly. I’ll use the pronouns anyone asks. But biology is biology and the truth is still the truth, even if you change the definition of a word. If we decided apples should be called oranges from now on and everyone did so, they would still be apples.

Last thing, I really believe that there is room for a lot of variations within biological sex. A woman can be ”masculine” and a man can be ”feminine”, there’s nothing wrong with that. Just because you don’t conform with the stereotypical behaviour of your sex or gender it doesn’t have to mean you don’t belong in it.

Do you know your chromosomes? I don't. Rarely anyone does. Where do I see them? Are they visible from the outside? With the naked eye? (See also below)

WHAT body parts? Please elaborate. Because I can PROMISE you, you haven't thought that one through.

My definition is someone who identifies as a woman. The end. I won't prescribe traits to other people.

Whataboutism. But here goes: Someone who identifies as a man.

Sweetie. Honey. My sweet summer child. I might have missed something here. Please help me and explain to me one thing:

The women's spaces you are describing, are they, perhaps, magic? Do they require a magic word, a magic spell, to be entered?

"I identify as a woman" = "Alohomora"?

No? Is it maybe. Just MAYBE. The case that anyone capable of opening doors could enter? Any cis man, in a moment when no one was looking, could follow a woman in. He doesn't need to say the magic spell or don a wig.

My school gym had segregated locker rooms. Same with the public pool. But nobody could stop me from just going into the "wrong" locker room. The door is unlocked. You know what the public pool also has? Showers. Segregated, but unlocked. Where everybody knows that people are naked and vulnerable there. It functions on the honor system.

I could literally just walk into any of them. Without a word. There is no guard. No magic barrier. This isn't Hogwarts. It's the real world.

No, I won't tell you that what you described never happened. Instead I will ask you for evidence that it did happen.

See, now you made a positive claim and you have to back it up. Show me evidence of these mythical men, who pretend they're women just to harass others. I don't have to disprove that, YOU have to prove that. That's how the burden of proof works. And if you can't, well, what can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence.

Here's another thing that "feminists" like you need to realize: Women can do bad stuff, too. Women can be violent, too. Often are. I dated a cis man once who was raped by a cis woman. Women in women's prisons rape other women. It's horrible, but it's the truth. Women aren't some innocent angles incapable of any wrongdoing. That's actually sexist.

My country just had a case where a woman was held in the men's prison, where she was bullied and ended up killing herself. Trans women are not the danger, they are so much more in danger.

Transgender (trans) women are at higher risk of sexual violence than cisgender women, with trans women of color reported to be at highest risk.

(source) (more)

It's funny how you go on a violently transphobic rant and then try to be all diplomatic with pronouns and shit and how you don't care. After saying how much you care.

Thing is: why are you so obsessed with "masculine" and "feminine", anyways? They're literally social constructs, and the binary is rooted in colonialism and white supremacy. How about ditching that altogether?

Biological sex isn't even a binary.

I don't WANT TO belong in any sex or gender. And certainly not one assigned to me by someone else, without my consent. I am agender. I'm just a human being. One that doesn't understand why you people make such a big deal out of it in the first place.

I WISH I wasn't forced I to gendered spaces. I feel extremely uncomfortable, and that I don't belong. But people like YOU force me into them, because you think my genitals look a certain way. And then you tell me I'm dangerous when I'm in there? Fuck that.

You honestly seem to confuse feminism with hating men. That is just so sad. Hope you can get better. Genuinely. Being this full of spite and hate only hurts YOU, and keeps you from the good things in life. It makes YOU unhappy. Me? I don't care. I honestly don't give a shit about what you think. Why should I? I don't even know who you are. You're literally nobody to me. I just hope to get throught to you, somehow, for your sake and those of people around you, who might be scared of and hurt by you.

Lastly, here's a short video on not-so-basic "basic biology":

youtube

(YouTube video: Forrest Valkai - Sex and Sensibility)

You identify as a woman, right? You could have a Y-chromosome without knowing it! Does that make you less of a woman? If you found out you did have one, would you immediately turn around and live as a man, because "chromosomes"?

My stance is: people are allowed to exist and live in peace and I don't care about their genitals and chromosomes, only their character and actions.

If that is controversial, call me a punk.

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quantumconfidence · 3 years

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The Stigma Of The Trophy Wife & Why I'm Proud To Be One

Trophy wives and the never ending stigma... So much to say and so much to address. In this blog post as you read it in the title is all about why being a trophy wife (TW) is what I was meant to be. And most probably who you're meant to embrace too.

Keep reading Sister.

First of let me start with this mini clip...

This is all self explanatory to me and many other women who believe in hypergamy. The natural selection and order of things for women who desire to be married to a masculine man.

There's SO many negative cliche about being a trophy wife. The main one being a pretty air-head married to a rich old guy waiting to die so she can inherit all his assets and money.

And then you hear everyone around you saying things like: "why do you want to depend on a man? beauty doesn't last forever and some day he will replace you with someone hotter and younger"

But to me this is coming from such a small minded and scarcity point of view. These idea are filled with lack of everything.

There's SO, so, so much more than this about thinking of yourself as a TW!

Let's address a few of these points though because that is very important.

The "pretty air-head" Idea:

Who said that beautiful women were air-heads?

Just like everyone in this world, God has created each one of us, and you, with a special gift that NOBODY will ever provide like you do it. And that's a FACT.

I personally have worked for the largest and most successful companies in the world during my corporate career. As a people manager in technical supports, and I was VERY successful. These are definitely NOT the type of jobs or accomplishments an air-head would ever reach.

(If you're reading my blogs for the first time, Hello, My name is Mrs Queen and I'm the proud owner of this eCommerce business.)

And so, since when do we have to chose? I mean, hello scarcity mindset!

How being attractive, and maintaining your physical appearance ever kept you from being knowledgable and intelligent?

The "You'll always have to look pretty for him to stick around" Idea:

I cannot explain how this idea to me is SO basic, and SUCH a poor mindset!

Whom ever said that, clearly DOEN'T understand what makes a man marry you, when he truly believe that you're the woman of his dream. Or what makes a man stay with you for the rest of his life. So I'm going to spell it out loud, and preach. I hope you're ready?

First of all, a man stay kept if HE wants to stay kept. That has nothing to do with you but let's not ignore the following because these are contributing factors.

As a woman you're a WHOLE soul and PACKAGE by yourself. You do NOT ever or ever had to be with anybody to complete you. EVER. let me say it again, never, EVER.

And men DO understand that. They're looking and craving for that ENTIRE package. They want to experience it they want to live in it, forever and ever. This is literally their number one reason of living and striving in this world.

Yes, their MAIN reason to be alive. I'm not exaggerating.

What package am-i talking about?

Ok let's start with the obvious one:

1/ Your beauty.

yes your face and body. And all appearances are appreciated in this world.

If you're thinking "high maintenance" and or "too exhausting" let me tell you the following very simply.

The way you care and take pride in your appearance has NOTHING to do with a man.

Never. EVER.

It has however EVERYTHING to do with how YOU, my sister, honor and love yourself. It's your way of respecting and glorify God's creation of you.

And if a man (your husband) gets to enjoy the perks too, that's his luck.

So don't allow laziness, or misconceptions to twist your mind. Taking care of yourself, and maintaining yourself is your godly duty as a woman. Let me say it again, it's self love and self respect.

Then,

2/ Your Feminine ENERGY.

I'm literally talking about how your presence makes him feel. Have you ever had a phone conversation or just met someone and the tone of their voice, their smile gave you goose bumps and elevated your energy right away?

Making you smile, and feel warmer inside? That's what I'm talking about. Some people have the power to project their amazing energies into you and make you feel amazing in split-seconds. Everyone is of course different but the ones who love you, DO feel the energy of your soul.

And masculine men CRAVE for the feminine energy. The loving, the kind, the healing, the peaceful, resting, warm energy. They NEED you to be fully immersed into it, and let him join you into it.

They will do and pay anything to help you sustain and protect this beautiful environment. And it starts with the place you live in. Your body (back to point 1). Then your home. and the rest of your universe.

3/ Your RESPECT for him: This goes way deeper than the way you love him. Men will ALWAYS prefer being respected than being loved if they had to chose between the two. If you haven't read them, check out these books:

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

5 Love Languages

These are most definitely books that WILL drastically improve your relationship for the better. Feminism has us fooled with many ideas, and yes I'm fully aware that this movement gave the western woman many rights, and I'm not talking about this.

The movement also pushes women to violently disrespect men in MANY different ways, on a daily basis. Making you believe that it's a synonym of empowerment. It's not, it truly isn't. It's the number one key to ending your days living in an apartment with hundreds of cats.

4/ Your brain & your drive:

Masculine men do not want air-heads anyway. They want smart driven women who know how to balance all the things stated before and their lives.

A woman who can literally put all this shit together. HER shit together I should say to be more exact. DO not try to rule his life. That's HIS job. Not yours.

A masculine man wants to lead most of the times. LET him. If you believe and trust him, this won't be hard for you to do.

If not, and I mean if you deeply believe that your man cannot lead the way in your relationship, then you probably chose the wrong kind of man for you. It's never too late to find the right one.

Please note: These points ARE the WHOLE package and aren't in any particular order. One doesn't compensate for the others. ALL, meaning EACH one of them are part of the whole package that is you.

So what's a TW then?

It's in masculine men's nature to want to provide, it DOES NOT mean that you shouldn't have your own. As a matter of a fact it is crucial that you have your own AND let him provide.

One idea that I love the most in Islam, is that it is clearly stated that a man has to provide for his household and his wife's need. Only then a woman will submit to him and respect him fully. She can however have her own sources of income and decides if she wants to participate in the household spendings OR not.

Other religions have similar ideas too.

A TW is literally what ever you want to be. But most importantly she KNOWS how to be the most unique version of herself. And that IS ENOUGH.

But then what if you just do NOT want to work?

It took me a while to come up to a very simple realization. And that's because while growing up my mother always pushed me to "be independent". And to this day she still does.

I had to pounder very deeply on these things.

First of all, your value as a woman does NOT depend on what you can "bring to the table". It never was and never will.

Your value does NOT depend on how productive you can be. How much money you can earn, how much achievements you can reach. NONE. OF. THAT.

You are WELL worthy of being loved and taken care of, and just simply existing because you do. period.

Let me say it differently. You were born WORHTY. There's NOTHING that you have to do to be worthy. Your man, husband should know and appreciate that at it's right value.

You are NOT a financial burden. You ARE valuable, without having to do or achieve ANYTHING.

Your value is in you BEING you. Going back to the "whole package" idea.

Is this laziness?

I know these days if a woman doesn't want to work, she's labelled lazy. It's not. It's about understanding that the "whole package" is contribution in itself. It's HIGHLY valuable.

As I said, it's a man's reason for living, so he can experience that "package" with you.

But the scriptures say that you have to be a hard working woman at home or an active member of the society....

Yes. And you already are. Directly or indirectly. A woman who lives in her "whole package" vibe is an inspiration of everyone around her. That's her CONTRIBUTION to the world if she feels that it's enough. So it is. And there should be no room for shaming this.

And the ones shaming these women, are the ones who don't understand what I just wrote about.

The idea of "Keeping your independence"

I cannot believe how much I have been SO stubborn in grasping, holding on SO damn hard on my "independence"....

As mentioned growing up that's something my mom kept on repeating to me. That's because her marriage to my father was far from being exemplary. And I get her from those circumstances.

Let me remind you if you had a mom like mine, you are NOT your mom and your husband is NOT your father. Therefore your marriage and experience with it ARE NOT the same.

My simple question to you is: Why would you want to feel "independent"? How does being married truly makes you feel? Trapped in any ways?

I pondered so hard on this one. As a married woman I DO NOT want to be independent. I am married. Independence is the complete opposite of marriage.

Do you want independence still? Then be single! you'll have plenty of independence.

Marriage and being a wife truly requires from you to completely abandon your maiden self. That's only then that true union is ever possible. Marriage is two people coming as one. If you have found a husband that you love and loves you back, you won't need to feel independent.

We very often take love and relationship advice from women who are still wounded. My mom for example is currently single.

And the teaching she can ever pass on me are the ones of a woman who's been through three failed marriages. That's precisely why I do NOT take marriage advice related to "staying in a successful marriage" from her.

Who have you been listening to so far? Are they in the type of marriage that you aspire to be in? If not, then I invite you to reframe your way of thinking around what they taught you to believe.

The "he will go for someone younger" idea:

Ok, yes that happens, because some relationships aren't meant to last forever. But who says YOU won't do that before he does?? Or leaving him for a better option? Who will treat you better if your current one starts tripping? THAT right there is the TW mindset.

Because you know your value, and the value of being the "whole package".

Your aging DOES NOT diminish your worth or value. It does NOT. The way you perceive yourself is the ONLY factor that can have that effect ladies. Not a man. Not what your mom would say. Or what your "friends" who mean "well", or your community members will say.

NONE. OF. THAT.

It's you vs YOU.

So why wouldn't you feel proud to FULLY be your own FULL package anyway?

You can have it, so flaunt it for you, for God, and your (future) lucky hubby sister.