#and also like. it’s comparing and contrasting all threes trauma to understand exactly how they got shaped the way they are.

[foxconfessorandthewolf]

Okay, so I’m a bit wine drunk but I don’t think I’ve ever really articulated why I love Snarry together and I’m currently trying to finish a fic after taking a three-year-hiatus from writing these two, so this is probably a good exercise!

I’m a bit on the older side of fandom, having been a fanartist and fervent reader since 2003, so my connection was really sparked during that time between OOTP and HBP when Snape and Harry were at some of their most clashing and deeply vitriolic, forced together into hateful vulnerability by Occulmency lessons. Every scene between them was electric, laced with tension as we truly did not know how things would go, or even where Snape’s true loyalties lay. He was an unknown, tied up with Harry’s own family’s mysterious past, connected to Harry in a myriad of odd ways that few other characters were, and - as a rivals-to-lovers lover - I was fascinated by him. From that first moment when they lock eyes in the Great Hall and that frisson of pain shoots through Harry’s scar, I desperately wanted to know who the hell this man was and his story. I think a lot of Snarry shippers come to the ship with a special appreciation for Severus Snape’s character himself. He’s such an incredibly drawn character, rich with complexity, complicated and pretty fucked up, with clearly-held passions, hatreds, weaknesses, and motivations. He’s emotional in a way a lot of other characters aren’t, though I think he’d loathe to hear that. And his character voice! It’s unique and pitch-perfect. You always know exactly who is speaking with his lines. Honestly, the way he evolved from a spy/traitor stock character to become so multifaceted and enigmatic is a masterpiece of characterization, and it’s an aspect of why I’m drawn to him - there’s still so much about his origins and well, what his damage was, that we don’t know. Because of this, I especially love Snarry fics that delve into character studies of him, trying to explore all the shadows left behind. I also admit I have a preference for interpreting Snape as morally grey. I like him petty, sharp-tongued, ambitious, with an incredibly liquid definition of what is right and wrong. He’s self-interested, dripping with disdain, and really doesn’t see that as a problem. What happens to him when he deeply falls in love?

I love a ship that makes me work for it. There’s no obvious line of how Snape and Harry might wind up together, so each fic is a wealth of possibilities of bringing these two together despite their roadblocks. As I mentioned, I’m big fan of animosity in a ship. Give me rivals, give me enemies, give me the sparking passions, the sharp fury, the way they stoke each others’ emotions and seek to hurt, the racing hearts, the raised hackles, the intense emotional reaction to another person. Just throw it at me. I devour that shit. I love the messy and taboo nature of their relationship, the complications raising from their age difference, temperaments, and largely similar and shared traumas. There’s an interesting element of Snape being a foil to James Potter, and how that relates to Harry and their past. Basically, this shit is really good potting soil for incredible fucking fics, packed with nutrients.

The shared natures of their traumas, like Voldemort and each being forgotten and abused as children and how they might be able to understand each other and bond from it is also something that’s fascinating to explore. I love when a writer pushes on Snape’s bruises, looking to make them hurt, cracking his sardonic brain open and rooting around in there, and I love when they compare and contrast to Harry’s. There’s a seductiveness to how Snape is so obsessed with Harry, fixated on his Boy Who Lived heroic reputation, clearly dripping with envy. What, beyond jealousy, might draw Snape to Harry and what, other than hatred, might draw Harry to Snape?

It’s all this, the passionate, electric, dangerous nature of their relationship; the way their characters contrast each other yet have surprising connections; and the question of finding solace that keeps me here, 21 years later. I’ve had wines less complex than this ship. They’re fascinating. They’re messy. They’re everything.

[crossposted from a reddit comment I just left, and wanted to share with y’all]

#snarry #i need them to hatefuck it out #i need snape to be cracked open and see all the tender parts fall out

[proudfreakmetarusonniku]

like i see people say stuff like “rei is a deconstruction of the idea of like the perfect girl in a male gaze-y way” and and i'm ready to agree until they go “it’s because she’s creepy and weird and bad!” like no. rei's a deconstruction of misogynistic ideas of womanhood because they’re ideals forced upon her that damage her, not because she’s in any way “creepy”. like, the fact she’s a fourteen year old girl who was basically used as a substitute wife by her father bc she looked like his own dead wife is not something that is meant to make rei look bad like holy shit.

like both rei and asuka are very obviously like. showing fantasised and misogynistic ideas of an idealised woman don’t work irl yeah. shinji's misogynistic view of them is wrong. but that’s not because rei and asuka are bad people it’s because like. “fourteen year old who's flirty and seductive” and “fourteen year old who's a quiet obedient object” are major signs of abuse and trauma and anyone actually acting in those ways at that age clearly isn’t normal. asuka is desperate for attention in any way she can get it, even unhealthy and dangerous ways. rei is at the very least I has a weird pseudo-incestous enmeshment filled abusive relationship with her father, even if she's not actively being sexually abused. asuka is seeking support, rei is a grooming victim. these are not things that are flaws in their character the entire point of subverting the expectations is to show how those expectations are unhealthy to rei and asuka like. god.

#like. negative fucking media literacy. #like. rei and asuka show signs of abuse in ways very normal for teenagers #every one of the Children in Evangelion is a victim and they react in messy ways #the point of that isn’t to show that they themselves are bad. it’s to show how trauma fucks you up #like none of them are bad people! they do fucked up shit bc it’s normalised to them! #people will just centre rei and asuka’s trauma around shinji and then call the show misogynistic for that like. #woah pal. there’s issues in the show yeah but i think that’s more an issue on your end buckaroo. #like their trauma interacts with him. and his trauma interacts with them. bc the show is literally about human's influences on each other #like the human instrumentality project isn’t there to just be funny it’s a thematic conclusion??? #and also like. it’s comparing and contrasting all threes trauma to understand exactly how they got shaped the way they are. #just. think about the show you’re watching. please. #rei isn’t creepy she’s a schizophrenic abuse victim who's probably done the least screwed up shit out of the main cast #shinji isn’t a loser he's a heavily mentally ill young boy cracking under the pressure of toxic masculinity and having his boundaries erode #until he's unable to even respect the boundaries of others and recreates his trauma for a desperate attempt at control #asuka isn’t like. okay i mean she IS a bitch but literally so is every thirteen year old ok. #and it’s bc she fucking despises the vulnerability being kind shows. she despises herself and is overcompensating bc she’s scared and 13 #like. god.

[shadowfae]

Harmony, Chaos, RuneScape and Quoilunetary Nonhumanity

[Crossposted to National Nonhuman Park, and requested by @dzamie.]

I forgot to do this for like three days, but. I wanted to do a post on understanding past experiences and the differing perspectives people can have on the same experiences and how that can lead to radically different understandings and why there will never be a clear-cut border between alterhuman terminology, and I think I finally found a way to articulate that point. Commentary and responses welcome.

The very simplest way of explaining this concept is the following sentence: "I never said that I owed her money." Seems a simple statement, yeah? Place emphasis on one word, read it again, and then place emphasis on a different word and read it. "I never said that I owed her money," implies a flat-out denial of the concept. However, "I never said that I owed her money," is a clear 'I implied it but never said it, and you can't hold me to that'. And emphasis on other words brings the exact meaning of those emphasized words into question, and so forth.

But while that concept is universal, it's difficult to see as it stands how that applies to alterhuman experiences. So we're going to delve into the source of one of my current linktypes, RuneScape, and we're going to explain things the way a warpriest does, using the setting's available godly philosophies to explain a past experience.

The two we'll be looking at today are Serenist and Zamorakian philosophies, particularly the Elven questline, and we're choosing this because Seren's ingame dialogue includes her explaining why Zamorakianism doesn't fit the questline. I, however, say it does, so let's compare and contrast how they both fit, and why they're both valid, and why if you're determined enough you can be absolutely convinced that the other's an idiot.

Seren is the crystal goddess of light; associated heavily with integrity, harmony, prudence, wisdom, and tranquility. Simply put, she is a pacifist who believes that if two parties can meet in the middle and find harmony, the best possible result can be achieved.

This is contrasted heavily with Zamorakian philosophy. Zamorak is known best as the god of chaos, although his philosophy heavily centres strength through personal strife. He believes that almost all obstacles and challenges in life can be beaten if one just never gives up, and that through surviving those obstacles, one is made a better person. He also believes that order brings stagnation: with no reason or need to do something different, people will do what they have always done, thus, chaos is necessary for improvement and achievement.

When Seren left the elves, her main followers, scrambled to put together a leadership that might replace her. Modelling the humans, they chose a monarchy, which was undercut in short order by Clan Iorwerth. (Iorwerth is one of the two military elven clans.) Iorwerth, following a dark power, overthrew the monarchy and shut down the elven kingdom entirely, forcing every elf that wasn't trapped to flee or swear allegiance to them. They were later overthrown by the remains of the other seven clans and the player character, the kingdom was restored as a republic, and eventually Seren came back.

When asked about Zamorak's philosophy, Seren references this: ["Order only brings stagnation."] "Perhaps, but there is also imagination and community. When sharing with others, we can learn to see the world differently. Look at all my elves accomplished. It was undone for a time because of chaos. It was harmony that restored them." [Post- The Light Within dialogue.]

Note the emphasis on harmony, and how she looks down upon this. However, she does agree that the elves are stronger without her, evidenced by her refusal to lead them again after her return: "I will not leave you, not again, but I will not lead you. Let me, here and now, recognise this council as the true leadership of the elven people." [The Light Within quest dialogue.]

Zamorak ingame has never spoken about this event, it's on the other side of the continent and he doesn't much care about what Seren does so long as she stays away from him. However, speaking as my linktype, a son of Zamorak, and a warpriest of Zamorakian philosophy and religion, I feel qualified to explain what his philosophy does say about this event, and how it differs.

Zamorakian philosophy places emphasis on the chaos, and how through it, one becomes stronger. Seren says that she recognizes the clan council of the elven republic to be its true leadership. This council did not exist until after she left and left her followers to deal with the aftermath. Even so, their first attempt at fixing the situation was to create a monarchy, which was overthrown almost immediately.

Arguably, their first attempt via wisdom and harmony – modelling their new government after a human form of government that evidently worked, and by choosing their monarchs to represent them best – failed miserably. However, Iorwerth's assault forced the remaining elves to think of another solution that there was no historic precedence for. The clan leaders chose to go into hiding until someone else had overthrown Iorwerth, which didn't happen until the player character did so, over two thousand years later. Those elves who did not go fully into hiding instead created a resistance, aiming first to stop Clan Iorwerth from obtaining death magic that would have cemented its rule perhaps permanently, and then by taking it down once it was properly destabilized.

Their second attempt at a form of government, truly equal across all eight clans, is evidently better than their first attempt: it withstood the next upheaval of Seren's return and refusal to govern them again, and she gave the council her blessing. The solution they found through harmony and tranquility failed. The solution they found through chaos succeeded.

Seren places her emphasis on the fact that through the Iorwerth domination, the remaining elves worked together to find a solution. Zamorakian philosophy states that they never would have found that solution or learned to work together had their lives not been thrown into utter chaos.

Seren focuses on the harmony that is the method of survival, Zamorak focuses on the chaos that caused invention of an improved method of survival. Seren disavows chaos, disregarding that it is anything but an obstacle that needs to be overcome, refusing to see it as something worth seeking out. Zamorak disavows order, arguably incredibly similar to the Serenist ideal of harmony, and states that it only brings stagnation and is incredibly fragile and meaningless. Through this, the two philosophies are radically opposed, both disavowing what the other praises.

Compare this scenario to one more personal and recognizable to those who may read this: any scenario in which someone is put to their limits, any scenario potentially traumatizing. Serenist philosophy asks for integrity, that one stays true to oneself throughout it all, and harmony, to seek a peaceful solution. This is easily taken down by any situation in which one needs to change in order to survive, however, it also is best represented by the growth of the aftermath when it is time to rebuild. Zamorakian philosophy asks for strength, to find a way through no matter the cost, and celebration of strife, to recognize that there is a point to the pain. This is easily taken down by any sort of emotional trauma that leaves scars, however, it also is best represented by the ability to take any punches thrown and to recognize the good of recovery and what that means for the future.

Thus, in a situation of aftermath, both celebrate the growth and the strength necessary to survive, and meet up perfectly in the middle in any situation in which one is honest with themself, survives the ordeal, and recognizes that they are better than they were before.

Radically opposed, and when you tilt your head and squint, they lead to the same conclusion of a better tomorrow than yesterday was.

As my last point, the question of 'and what exactly does this have to do with gray areas of the alterhuman community?' requires an answer. Not all cases will fall under this, but here's a couple scenarios to think on. Someone who has a parallel life in another world: are they otherkin, or are they otherhearted? Someone who places emphasis on the differences between themself and their parallel life may recognize the other as their counterpart, but not quite them, too similar to be anything but family but too different to be the same person, like twins separated at birth. But someone who places emphasis on the similarities, recognizing the other as a reflection of themself, may say that they're otherkin, not so separate as to be family but too similar to be anything but the same person, if in two different situations.

Take further something psychological. Someone with executive dysfunction, an uncontrollable focus mechanism, emotional dysregulation, ostracization from their peers, and a lack of understanding of metaphors or half-truths may go to a pediatrician and be diagnosed as autistic. If they never go to that hypothetical pediatrician, but instead find themself online and hunting for answers, they may discover the otherkin community and come to the conclusion that they are Fair. Where one reads the apparent difference between themself and others as recognizing that they do not psychologically think the way others do, and thus being othered; one recognizes it as others having a gut feeling that they are simply not human, akin to an uncanny valley effect.

Lastly, consider someone who takes up believing themself to be a unicorn as a child, to deal with ostracization from their peers. Something along the lines of the last scenario. Years later, after growing up and discovering a friend group and no longer facing any ostracization, they determine that they still identify as a unicorn. They do research and understand that if they put in the effort over several decades and ego alteration, they may be capable of releasing that coping mechanism turned integral part of them, and letting it go.

Are they otherkin, or a copinglinker?

If they consider themself otherkin, then one can assume they would be disinterested in using ego alteration over a course of decades to let go. If they consider themself a copinglinker, then they may be interested, or they may not, but it would be more likely that they would at least consider the option before deciding either way. And if they do decide against it, does that make it otherkin? As the difference between the two is defined and largely accepted that otherkin is involuntary and copinglinking is, one might argue that they would still be a 'linker, as one cannot choose to be otherkin.

But are they keeping a linktype that they chose and are still choosing, or are they choosing to embrace a kintype that already exists?

I suppose which one it is depends on how you want to look at it, and where you want to place your emphasis of the experience. And no matter how someone else may look at it, the only one with final say is the one who experiences it in the first place.

Both conclusions lead to the same place, in the end: an alterhuman identity, and an experience worth exploring and talking about. No matter how one understands it, or what they ultimately decide to call it.

#otherkin #fictionkin #alterhuman #essays of the skyrose garden #luteia laments #on voluntary identity #on psychological otherkin #on copinglinking #see I know this'll piss people off but I also don't think I'm wrong here? #but I do want to hear thoughts #and if y'all make your own posts please tag me in them

[mindynichole]

Okay...so it’s time to tackle Episode 10x18 and why it didn’t bother me that much.

Despite getting to watch TWD Season 10B early thanks to a forgotten AMC Premiere account, I waited an entire 24 hours before I watched 10x18 out of fear of the inevitable. 

And by now I’m sure you know exactly what I’m referring too.

However, after I did finally break down and watch it Friday evening, I was surprised that it didn’t bother me nearly as much as I thought it would. 

Some might say that’s just because of the tinfoil hat now firmly placed tightly around my head after the previous episode convinced me even more Beth Greene might just show up out of the blue one day soon to a TWD universe production near you. Okay, I’ll give you that! 

However, there are very logical reasons why I don’t feel the least bit threatened by this new woodland harlot, Leah, (I’m just joking, geesh) and I’m going to tell you what they are!

Before I begin, I want to make clear that while I’m not thrilled about the idea of Daryl being in a romantic relationship with anyone but Beth, I didn’t really even hate Leah but saw her instead as what I believe she was meant to be. On her own in another situation she probably would be a great character. However, when I have mentioned in the past that I liked this episode, I was mainly referring to the parts with Car*l. Not because I am petty and enjoyed the fight, but because I think these are conversations that Daryl and her need to be having. 

Nevertheless, here’s my take of 10X18. Consider yourself spoiler warned if you haven’t seen it yet.

Daryl was probably at the loneliest part of his life when Leah enters the picture.

Let’s take the time and set this scene a moment... 

At the point in the story when Leah first appears, Daryl has been wandering the woods for three freaking years looking for any sign of Rick’s body. 

While Daryl is away, everything he knows has changed and life has just continued to carry on without him for everyone else he loves. Rick and Carl are both long gone. Carol is busy being a wife and mother. Michonne has pretty much shut off Alexandria from everybody including Team family. Maggie left for parts unknown with Georgie and has taken little Hershel with her. 

Literally every single thing that Rick and Team Family ever tried to build during this apocalypse is shattered and everything the man has ever loved is gone. 

We also can’t forget that the person Daryl would have naturally clung to during this sad time happened to “die” before he ever stepped foot into Virgina. Therefore, Daryl is left with absolutely no one. It’s a damn miracle that he didn’t off himself and might have - had he not been so obsessed in finding Rick’s body.

Leah is Daryl’s exact mirror in female form. 

So he meets Leah after accidentally breaking into her cabin and almost immediately we can see she is literally like him looking into a mirror. Now, I’ve already read many people trying to compare her to Car*l and even Beth and while I do get what they are saying, I also disagree. This lady is no other than the female version of Daryl Dixon. He has surely found his exact match in her.

Here’s how we figure that out:

Leah is tough as nails but obviously has a heart because she doesn’t immediately kill Daryl for busting into her cabin and ultimately lets him go.

You come to find out she had abusive parents and a very shitty childhood just like Daryl.

You find out her life sucked until she found her group - who had given her not only hope but finally a real family.

Like Daryl, her life also greatly improved during the apocalypse.

It takes Leah a very long time to trust Daryl enough to even tell him her name.

You find out she had a son who was born very much like Judith was. Her “sister” died giving birth to him, causing her to raise him as her own.

Something horrible happens to the group (horde of walkers) and everyone else gets killed. She takes her son and runs to the cabin only to realize that he had been bitten and ultimately dies. 

It highly implied Leah blames herself for what happened to her family.

Like Daryl, at this point in the story Leah has lost everything she has ever loved, has sought refuge in the woods, and is completely alone.

Yet, in no way, shape, or form was Leah ever supposed to be a replacement for Beth. Instead, I believe she actually demonstrates why Bethyl worked so well.

While I’m okay with the character of Leah, she’s no Beth. Not even close. As I stated before, she is just like Daryl and that’s really the problem.

Because we need to understand the thing that made Bethyl work so well was their fundamentally different personalities fitting together like peanut butter and jelly - both perfectly fine on their own but together making the perfect combination. 

And TPTB spent a lot of time and effort back in the day showing us how much this was so.

While sometimes opposite people clash, we were shown that their different natures surprisingly completed each other very well. In other words, they were each other’s yin and yang. This was most obvious with Daryl helping Beth realize her own strength and Beth showing Daryl how to move forward. However, I could create an entire meta...and there are many that already exist out there...listing countless examples of how we saw them bringing the best out in each other. The combination of this along with their utmost (even sometimes brutal) honesty, shared history, and absolute trust in each other, created a foundation for a very healthy relationship.

In contrast, two people with nearly identical personalities and the same exact kind of unhealed trauma like Leah and Daryl, are usually not good life partners because they can hinder and get in the way of each other’s forward progress. 

While you can understand why these kinds of people gravitate together and form bonds over shared experience, resulting romantic relationships can often be rocky. Many times the shared trauma can result in both partners having the exact same kinds of problems with trust, communication, and reckless expression of feelings. There is nobody in the relationship to model different kinds of behaviors and ideas since both tend to have the same life experiences to draw upon. Instead, each serves to the other as a living testament to and as confirmation of why their negative thoughts and behaviors are correct. 

In other words, there is nobody there to throw the life preserver when both people are drowning. Nobody to even suggest to either partner a different way of doing things. 

Also, when the relationship’s foundation is based solely on shared trauma, the trauma itself can become the only thing holding the two partners together. 

This is why I never thought Daryl and Car*l would ever make good romantic partners. However, at least they have different types of personalities and kinds of trauma. Car*l is just...well Car*l - a force all on her own - and there’s nothing to suggest she ever experienced abuse in childhood. However, Leah being an exact carbon copy of Daryl gave that relationship even less of a chance.

And what I have just described seems to be exactly what we really do see happen between Daryl and Leah in Episode 10x18. I could list various examples but for time’s sake, I’m choosing not to because I am sure you can see it too - at least now that I’ve brought it up.

Just know I also believe this is why NR seemed to imply the relationship was not good in earlier preview shows.

Daryl flat out told Leah he didn’t know if he could choose her. 

As many others have already pointed out throughout the weekend, I believe the biggest difference between Daryl’s reaction to Leah and his reaction to Beth is the simple fact he really didn’t seem to  want to stay in that cabin with Leah forever. He doesn’t even seem all that upset about it either until he starts talking with Car*l later.

This drastically contrasts with the “Oh” scene with Beth. Hell, Daryl didn’t even care if the looney person who had been tending the funeral home and dressing up corpses came back! He wanted nothing more than to stay there and live happily ever after with her. There was no hesitation. 

I would go as far as to say Beth is the only person able to completely divert Daryl's attention away from the rest of his family - much like she did when he spotted the Grady car and began his pursuit. However, Beth would never even ask such a thing - because not only is it her family too - but also because Beth was much too unselfish to let Daryl make those kinds of choices.

So you might ask yourself why he changed his mind in the end and made him decide to go back to Leah?

I believe he makes this choice because of the conversation with Car*l. She basically tells him that everyone else has found their place and it is time for him to find his place too. It begins to slowly eat at Daryl how they have all moved on without him. It’s important to remember that by this time in the story, he’s pretty much done scouring the river for Rick. He’s already checked out that “one last place” he hadn’t been. So now he’s beginning to ponder Car*l’s words and wondering where his place is now? Where does he go from here? It’s logical to think maybe he’s supposed to be in those woods with Leah after all.

Daryl and Leah’s relationship doesn't seem to leave much of a lasting impression or effect on Daryl.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe Daryl most definitely cared about Leah. Yet, we can’t forget how we first found Daryl all those years later after the time jump in Episode 9X6.

If you remember right, Daryl still wasn’t doing all that great. His relationship with Leah apparently does absolutely nothing to change his outlook on anything. 

In comparison, we all know what just a few short weeks - perhaps a couple of months - in the woods with Beth Greene does to Daryl Dixon. It changes his character profoundly! 

Daryl might have went back to Leah at the time...BUT he made it crystal clear to C*rol that he knows where he belongs NOW. That’s what the entire fight between them was really about.

There is a line that Daryl spits out during his fight with Car*l that sums up exactly why he wasn’t able to give up everything and stay with Leah. He tells Car*l that he knows where his place is…and he’s referring to being with his family at Alexandria. He’s angry that she doesn’t seem to understand that it’s where her place is as well.

AK later points this line out on TTD as important too. In fact, she literally states that his relationship with Leah is purely in the past and they will not go there again. It is rare for a showrunner to flat out proclaim something like this. It means she felt it was important for the audience to understand that this was done.She also points out that the fight is really about how sick Daryl is of Carol running away every time things get extremely difficult.

I would go a step further and say that Daryl is probably projecting what he now realizes was going on with himself when he was wandering the woods and choosing to stay there with Leah all those years ago. He’s upset with himself for having done so and he’s upset with Car*l that she has yet to have come to the same conclusion.

Ps: Be on the lookout for another post - a part two of sorts - later this week detailing all the things I’m still tinkering in my mind about this episode! ;)

Until then, keep calm and Bethyl on! She’s coming soon...

#bethyl #BETH LIVES #Beth Greene #daryl and beth #beth x daryl #bethyl forever #Team Delusional #team defiance #teamreckoning

[dandivinity]

Madokannon: Religious Symbolism in Madoka Magica

If there’s one word I’d use to describe the show, Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica, it would be deceptive. If you’re wondering how a cute Sailor Moon rip-off with even brighter colors and a moe art-style is deceptive, congrats, you fell for the deception. As the series continues, it becomes clear that the show is not a cut-and-dry monster of the week where good always triumphs. Rather it is a pastel-colored Faustian bargain where even the best intentions can lead to dire consequences. In the end it is only through the titular characters unshakeable hope and faith and no small amount of divine intervention that the series reaches it’s bitter sweet conclusion. This is obvious upon a first viewing. What is less obvious is the nature that this divine intervention takes. While the show occasionally makes direct connections to Christianity, It seems to me that the theology implemented is Buddhist through and through complete with Four noble truths, samsara, vile rebirth, and an allegory of the bodhisattva Kannon. 

Let’s start with the basis of the show, the wishes. This is one of Madoka’s most prominent aspects and the largest concern from the beginning of the series before the villain’s true underpinnings are revealed. For those of you not familiar, 1). Why are you reading this? And 2). The set-up of the Madoka,  like most magical girl anime, involves a cute animal mascot offering the girls magical powers in order to fight monsters. What makes this set up unique however is that the oh so cute cat-bunny-thing known as Kyubey also offers the girls one wish as an incentive so that they would accept it’s “contract”. Now the use of the word “contract” is an obvious red flag meant to alert us to the Faustian nature of the deal. And yes, the agreement comes with several hidden clauses that Kyubey conveniently leaves out such as the fact that becoming a magical girl involves having your soul removed from your body and placed into a gem because it’s “easier to protect”. But Kyubey’s not exactly stealing it like a Christian devil would. More importantly than the hidden clauses though, is the wishes themselves.

Now stories of the devil tempting people with promises of wealth or power are quite common in Western literature, as are tales of djinn or monkey paws providing wishes that always go wrong in Near Eastern lit. But what’s extraordinary about Madoka is that for the most part the wishes the girls grant are simple in nature and rather generous. Our main focus point, and the only wish we see pursued from beginning to end in chronological order is that of Sayaka Miki. Sayaka is established to be crushing on a boy who was a former violin prodigy before a car accident left him paralyzed with no hope of playing ever again. Sayaka wishes for him to be healed, and just like that, it’s done. 

The boy does not relapse, nor does he lead into another accident. He simply starts a miraculous yet slow path to recovery, until the series finale where he is shown without crutches and playing beautifully for a wide audience. The problem? Well as pointed out before Sayaka even makes the wish, she’s wasn’t actually doing it for him: she was on an unconscious level hoping that he’d be forever grateful to her. Does she hold this over him? No. Does he reject her? No. She simply doesn’t ask. Sayaka is too busy with her new responsibilities and ashamed of what she has become to ask. 

And frankly the importance of Kyosuke in Sayaka’s fall is largely overstated by the fanbase. Yes, he’s a large factor but even more so than wanting to heal him or his gratitude, Sayaka wants to be a hero. This is heightened when their magical mentor dies within the first three episodes. Sayaka now feels like it’s her responsibility to protect her city as no one else will. Unfortunately, she’s simply not as strong as her former mentor or the new morally unsound magical girls that seeks to dispose of her (both Kyoko and Homura). This is really what leads to Sayaka’s downward spiral as she comments, “The world doesn’t need a magical girl who can’t even kill a witch”. Sayaka wants to be a hero, and she wants to get the guy and she gets neither. Her desires, both fulfilled and unfulfilled, all lead to her suffering. This is the First Noble Truth of Buddhism. 

I realize this isn’t the most convincing argument on its own but let’s zoom out a bit here. What is desire if not earthly attachments? Attachment and inability to let go of attachment is a concept found in nearly all the wishes in the show. It doesn’t matter if it’s Sayaka’s wishing for her friend’s health, Mami literally trying to cling to life, or Kyoko (in the most directly religious moment in the show) wishing that people would come to her father’s sermons so that her family could have enough to eat. All of these desires are moral in some way and yet they are still desires. More importantly, they all involve a longing for what once was, and are attempts to return things to how they were rather than moving on. This inability to let go is characterized not just in the wishes but in the reason they’re implemented in the first place. 

When Kyubey finally explains why they knowingly cause suffering to countless adolescent girls throughout time, they explain it’s to harvest enough renewable energy from the emotions of magical girls to stave off the entropy of the universe. The whole process is rather convoluted and -let’s face it- an excuse to deconstruct magical girl tropes, but that doesn’t change the fact that preventing the heat death of the universe is still Kyubey’s number one goal. That combined with their inability to truly understand the suffering they’re causing has caused some of the community to question their villain status or at least say they’re a villain with a just cause. And while postponing the heat death of the universe may be noble in the long run, it is a literal fight against the impermanence of the universe. A fight that we know from Buddhism is doomed to only lead to personal trauma in the face of inevitability of a changing world. But it is this fight against impermanence that kyubey embodies so well, and one that is baked into the wish-based magical girl system they run. 

Ok, enough beating around the bush. It’s time to talk about Homura. After spending most of the show as a mysterious red-herring villain that knows far too much, Homura finally gets an episode dedicated to her near the end of the show where it’s revealed she’s a time traveller who restarted the timeline over and over again in order to make her wish come true; to be able to save Madoka. Specifically  Homura has to replay the same month over and over again until she can succeed in saving Madoka’s life and cannot escape until this goal is reached.  This obsession leads to a very literal samsara, by repeating the timeline again and again Homura is actively choosing to trap herself in endless cycles of suffering, death, and rebirth all because of her attachment to the mortal world. Through this process we can see Homura fall apart becoming more and more monstrous in her single-minded focus to save Madoka at the expense of everything else. By the time she arrives at our main timeline that the rest of the show takes place in, Homura is comparable to a hungry ghost. She’s directly accused of walking through the world as if dead, unable to feel anything except for the desire that damned her in the first place, her obsession with Madoka. When even this too seems lost, she nearly becomes a witch. 

In Mahayana Buddhism, rebirth on earth is not the worst thing that can happen after one’s death. If one leads a sufficiently desperate life they can be reborn as an animal, hungry ghost, or in hell. This is where Madoka’s witches come from. Perhaps the most tragic twist in Madoka Magica is that if a magical girl falls into despair (usually due to her wish’s inability to make her happy), her soul gem will transform into a grief seed which then becomes one of the monsters they fight. These nightmare collage monsters have new names separate from their old identities and live in pocket dimensions where they lure people in. These pocket dimensions often in someway manifests the desires of their old lives being filled with sweets, TVs, or (in Sayaka’s case) violinists. Interestingly, when Sayaka first dies and is reborn as the witch Octavia in a train station, her labyrinth is also full of railroad tracks. She relocates to a concert hall and the labyrinth follows suit, but train wheels remain despite having no apparent bearing on her previous life. This could be a reference to Buddhist beliefs about your final thoughts and which direction you look when you die having bearing on which realm you’ll be reborn into. 

Homura’s obsession in contrasted by Madoka’s ability to let go. Madoka’s final wish and subsequent ascension has often been compared to Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross, and rightfully so. Madoka’s wish to become a cosmic force that can take on all the despair of magical girls before they become witches at the cost of her own mortal life has many strong parallels to Jesus suffering on the cross to redeem humanity. However that idea only works if Jesus is suffering. Madoka is stated to be taking the grief of every magical girl who ever became a witch onto herself and we even see a far future version of her becoming a witch large enough to destroy the world. But before it does it is shot down by another version of a truly ascended Madoka in a white dress. This version states paradoxically that since her wish applies to all magical girls that would become witches, that includes herself. The fluidity of time and direct denial of the necessity of suffering or sacrifice are at odds with Orthodox Chriastianity, or at least its perception of Jesus. Rather I argue that the way Madoka saves all the magical girls, her subsequent erasure from existence, and even such mundane symbols such as the white dress all link her closer to the Bodhisattva, Kannon. 

Let’s take a closer look at the scene where we see Madoka actually ascends and manifests to relieve the potential witches of their grief. We see Madoka split herself into thousands shafts of light, all of which appear above different suffering magical girls in different places and time periods. And above all of them Madoka appears, she touches their corrupted soul gems which are then purified before shattering, allowing the magical girls to die in peace. A rather sad ending, but one that’s better than rebirth as a witch, which we already identified as equivalent to the hell realm. So while it is unclear where the magical girls are going to go after they die (or even if they go anywhere at all as we just saw the gems holding their souls shatter, possibly destroying them), we can know that Madoka is saving them from a worse rebirth. This directly parallels miracle tales that surround the Bodhisattva Kannon, especially in her Chinese incarnation as the white-robed Guanyin. 

Kannon is the primary example of Bodhisattva or one who has put off Budhahood to aid those still on earth. Kannon in particular swears to never ascend until all living things have been freed of samsara. She’s often depicted as having 11 heads and a thousand arms to better reach all those suffering in the world at once, like how Madoka splits herself into a myriad of forms. Many of these tales have devotees of Guanyin spared from tragic fates such as beheadings or shipwrecks. However a few, adapt these stories to instead refer to a more metaphorical salvation, especially in the pure land tradition popular in Japan which then says that anyone who calls out to Kannon on the verge of their death will be still die and be reborn to the pure land rather than wherever else they were supposed to reincarnate. Madoka’s god form even highly resembles the Chinese incarnation, Guanyin. Wikipedia states, “Guanyin is generally portrayed as a young woman wearing a flowing white robe, and usually also necklaces symbolic of Indian or Chinese royalty. In her left hand is a jar containing pure water, and the right holds a willow branch.” While we never see Madoka with any water; the flowing white dress, red gems along her collar bone, and branch-like bow (though on that seems to be more of a sakura branch) all bring to mind Guanyin.

Finally Madoka’s ascension ends with her body dissolving into glimmers of light as she explains how no one will remember her, but she’ll still be there. This dissolution of the her spiritual body is a visual symbol of ego-death. Madoka recreates a word where she does not exist, and had never existed, yet still manifests as a concept and virtuous force that leads others to salvation rather than as a sentient entity. This is the Nirvana. Madoka hadn’t just ascended to godhood, she had surpassed it and achieved nothingness, as her buddha nature radiates throughout the world, ultimately changing it into something better. This is the paradox of Buddhism and the goal of any buddhist practitioner, to achieve an inner peace so strong you become a part of the universe like madoka had. And the new world she created was better for it. 

That is at least until the show decided to  make a movie sequel and trick madoka into descending. At that point she stops acting as a Buddha and instead as Pistis Sophia in line with the obscure belief system of 2nd century Gnostics. But that will be a conversation for another time. 

#madoka magica #buddhism #madoka kamane #kaname madoka #kannon #guanyin #kuan-yin #samsara #homura akemi #pmmm sayaka #pmmm #Essay #Religion #Religious studies #I should've submitted this two months ago when it was still relevant. #oh well

[tothedarkdarkseas]

What do you think is the REAL difference between Stu and Murdoc? Is it upbringing, age, personality, or cocktail of things?

I’ve gotta tell you, of all the kind asks you sent (and what a nice thing that was of you to do, thank you, they were fun to ponder!) this is the one I’m like… jittery to answer because there’s just so much to be said. Put under a cut because it ended up kinda stupid-long.

I mean, what has to be determined first is– are Murdoc and Stu that different? I tend to think they’re not, not as much as they are alike. That’s actually what I like best about them and something I usually play to when I can, how much they both resemble a certain stereotype but with their own twist. Many of their differences are a little superficial, like Stu being a bit more geezery with his football and all, and Murdoc being less uptight with his hobbies (be it involving cheeky GTA or a gimp mask.) I joked the other day that the biggest difference between the two is just that Murdoc does uppers and Stu does downers, and that’s pretty much it. I do think on a “deeper” level, like a more innate behavioral level, they’re a lot more similar than they actually realize.

But with all that being said, of course they’re not identical, and there’s a lot that contributes to where exactly they differ. I think that everything you said is absolutely relevant to that!

Let’s start with age and upbringing. The age difference between Murdoc and Stu is actually fairly stark when you just look at the years, but it never feels quite that bad to me because Murdoc and Stu are both so emotionally stunted and immature. There’s a line in Bojack Horseman than I think is incredibly on-point here, about how “the age you are when you get famous is the age you stop growing.” I think for Stu, it absolutely damned him to become famous at around 20, it locked him mentally into an age where he should’ve been learning everything wouldn’t be given to him, and instead it was just… given to him. In excess. If you follow that reasoning Murdoc’s sort of odd though, in that he never actually achieved fame on any major scale until he was in his 30′s. It seems more like Murdoc’s exaggerated sense of self-importance (probably a response to knowing, very much knowing, that he was not in fact something towering and impressive at all, and there’s like… something absurdist in really choosing to think he is. That’s almost the ultimate form of his Humor As A Shield– what could be a bigger joke than not hating himself?! Ha! It’s funny because it’s sad!) set in way before he actually became famous. It’s more like his maturity is stalled at the time he started trying to be famous. Stu didn’t actually try to pursue music at all before, while Murdoc spent a decade absolutely convinced that it had to work and doggedly not accepting when it wasn’t. It feels like these two approaches enabled (or damaged) them in different ways, but both end up with the result of men who don’t act their age for many years and have hedonistic, stereotypically rockstarish ways of living far beyond that of their bandmates. Stu can barely claim he knows better though and is perhaps more… people are gonna yell at me for being so hard on him haha, but more spoiled and therefore more ignorant because he never actually lived a responsible adult life. (Does that mean Stu hasn’t had difficulty in that life? Absolutely not. The man has at least three counts of massive head trauma and was in a coma for an undetermined period of time, he has a permanent physical impairment that likely impacts his vision, I think he’s earned a few perks.) Murdoc on the other hand is very aware of what it was like to be a failure, to be conventionally unemployable, and to have so little to lose that he’d make incredibly stupid decisions that could’ve ended his free life. His indulgence now is frankly more extreme, but Murdoc has an even greater sense of believing he earned that and he owes nothing (whether that’s completely true or not.) 

And that’s just touching on the ends of their “upbringing,” not the actual 18+ years that went into it. It goes without saying that Stu and Murdoc had very different home lives– Rachel and David Pot are suggested to be rather precious with Stu out of some probable guilt for his first head trauma, in complete contrast to Sebastian’s humiliation and neglect– but on top of that, what seems to be glossed over at times is how they grew up in very different regions at very different time periods. I’m far from an authority on this or on anything (as always I really suggest asking @elapsed-spiral if you want better information, don’t let the hiatus thing fool you, Danni’ll still talk about British Shit Innit) but I’m told the British school system Murdoc would’ve endured in the 60s and 70s was unremittingly bleak and damaging to a child’s development. Despite his immaturity and my feelings that their age difference isn’t really so pronounced, Murdoc is older than Stu and unfortunately he experienced a much colder and rougher school environment, and it’s tough to argue that didn’t have an effect. (Though on the flipside, Stu was in school during Section 28, a thing I’m also not an authority on. Go figure a working class and very closeted bisexual man in the 80s might internalize some homophobia! The go-go 80s aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.) It’s not exactly surprising that Murdoc, who grew up on the lowest end of working class, in council housing, in an unglamorous Northern town like Stoke with a neo-fascist brother and a neglectfully-abusive alcoholic father, would come away an emotionally repressed and embittered person. It’s almost a bit bold that Murdoc is as “flamboyant” as he is (even if it comes with a hefty side of toxic masculinity)– he could’ve become hateful in a more stony way, but instead he’s like a giddy-cruel showman out of spite. You can argue that Murdoc’s lack of support system results in him feeling much more unfettered. He has no one to thank for getting him out of that and no one he credits for getting him where is. He very much has the mentality of “I take what I can and do what I want, because the world owes me everything.” And in a way, I can see where that’d come from.

He’s wrong though. Because Stu’s there. And Stu owes Murdoc nothing.

I know I’m really running on here, and I think you probably already have a picture of what I see Stu’s upbringing and childhood as. Rachel Pot is the unsung best character in Gorillaz, Stu was quite coddled by his parents, and Stu admits to being largely unmotivated and rudderless. It’s notable that Stu is in fact also working class but he’s presented like he’s not, I think just as a result of looking a lot better in comparison to Murdoc and us Americans not fully knowing the details of the British class system as compared to ours. (I don’t want to condescend to you anon, you may be British and know all this a lot better than I do. But because I am American, what would be more American than assuming everyone’s American?) I would say Stu’s family places on the higher end of that though (again, council housing for Murdoc, Stu had a garden with what must’ve been a decently big tree for him to fall out of) and isn’t portrayed as struggling in the same way. His job at Norm’s seems more like something he does because he’s not allowed to sit in the house all day, and he likes messing with the keyboards and he likes having spending money because he’s too old for allowance, and girls he’s fooled around with occasionally pop in to his work and bring him a pastry from the Tesco Express she works at and they make out in her car. Stu comes away from Crawley with quite a few “tethers” that disallow him from feeling as “loose” as Murdoc– he has a good relationship with his parents, a handful of mates, probably a handful of girls he wasn’t on bad terms with, at least one who’d end up becoming his girlfriend. So why does he have some of the same “cruel showman” qualities as Murdoc? Why does his entitlement end up looking much the same? That’s all personal interpretation of course, but I’d say it’s because Murdoc drove a car into his face and stole an unspecified amount of time from his life. I’d say because he’s out of his parent’s house for the first time in his life, and he’s going full throttle into being this person now. I’d say that in one night, and many unconscious nights following it, Murdoc smashed that same embittered attitude into the front of Stu’s skull. To be clear, that isn’t writing off Stu’s faults on Murdoc; it isn’t to say Murdoc made him egotistical or promiscuous or immature. But the attitude that you are fucking owed something is really only an attitude they share because Murdoc gave Stu someone to spite where he didn’t have that before.

(I recognize this whole dynamic isn’t for everyone and I do get it, and for what it’s worth I think it’s totally correct to say Murdoc gave Stu all the best things in his life. He just also gave him the worst bits too. The reality is neither would be here without each other, for all the good and bad that implies. It’s true that Stu’s famous because of Murdoc, but it’s also true that Murdoc’s famous because of Stu. What a tangled web!)

I’m sorry, I’m so off the question now, I just love this stuff. So, personality! That’s unquestionably a factor, the answer to the nature vs nurture debate will always be a little bit of both. I think if you tallied up all of Stu and Murdoc’s traits, desires, and behaviors after they’ve been living together a few years, you’d find a longer list in the similarities column than the differences. The environmental influence doesn’t just stop at where you’re raised, I think the environment you live in and the people who inhabit it continue to have an impact on you pretty much throughout life; even if moving to a richer city doesn’t “change” you, it changes the way you look at things, understand things, respond to things. It just inherently does. Still, I recognize that’s my own characterization of them and if you just look at the characters in canon, you’d be hard pressed to say they seem like the same guy. There are things about them that are just innately different, some of it learned through their upbringing and some of it dictated by… the way they’re wired.

Which is a point I’m really hesitant to comment on too much, but– mental health. It probably doesn’t look the same between Stu and Murdoc. There are other blogs who will discuss in more depth their neurodivergent headcanons and I see nothing wrong with that, I don’t really think there is any case that can’t be made, but I’m not especially confident making those cases myself. What I’ll say is that I don’t necessarily read Stu as having any specific learning disorder, because I fear it’s a little… iffy to have so many jokes in canon about him being thick or being slow. I think it really is just that, even prior to the injuries I reckon Stu was “a bit thick.” Head trauma doesn’t help that, though. Lifelong migraines and impaired motor function came about from the brain damage, absolutely, and I do imagine he must’ve suffered some neural response slowing, but his “lower intelligence” I feel a little less comfortable casually ascribing to anything and more to just Stu being Stu. Murdoc is also a case to be careful with, but within phase 3 it seems fair to say Murdoc suffers a psychotic break and is dealing with some delusions. Dangerously, I kind of lean into thinking this isn’t something that “just happened” because of the events of El Mañana and Plastic Beach, and that Murdoc had perhaps needed to be on an anti-psychotic like lithium well before that point. Again, I don’t want to insensitively represent this so I try not to really put such a fine point on things, but… I’m a little inclined to think Murdoc went undiagnosed in his young life and still may be demonstrating some effects of that. So, y’know, make what you will of it, but there’s that.

Sorry I nattered on about this, I do really enjoy examining both characters. Jokes about the drugs and stuff aside, I’ve always felt that the biggest difference between Murdoc and Stu is that Murdoc is adaptable, and Stu is malleable. Where that stems from is probably a combination of all these things. Murdoc knows what he wants and has no loyalties, he’s been without a future, he does what he can to succeed because he’s already done what he can to survive; Stu doesn’t know what he wants and he does have “loyalties,” but he has no sense of purpose, and he’s easily nudged in the direction you need him to go. While he can be stubborn, just like Murdoc, he’s also more sincerely shaped by his experiences even later in life into multiple, sometimes disparate versions of himself– I might even wager that’s why Stu becomes such a contradictory character without any of the contradictions feeling inauthentic. The two of them “being what they need to be” is part of the reason they accomplished as much as they did. But it’s also hard to say that they really “held on” to each other through the years, or if they just melded together in parts.

#Anonymous #sorry i'm late with this but i can't shut up #headcanon posts

[trashmouuuth-blog]

forgotten memories.

based on the comic by @/atxnolasco on twt!!

—

Richie never liked winter. It was probably his least favorite season out of all of them. The early nights, freezing temperatures, bare trees, and inability to do what it was he usually did. Perhaps the last time he recalls feeling excitement for the anticipated snow fall was when he was a child, hanging with his friends as they played in the mountains of snow, and scarily trudged over the frozen over river that ran through the barrens. 

The crunching of snow beneath his sneakers, or the numbing feeling of ice burn into his calloused palms. It was a memorable time, really. One of the many memories he looks back fondly on ever since he left Derry for a second time, mind flooded now of thoughts that had been buried so deeply within his subconscious for over thirty years now. Voices that drew blanks now had faces; faces that were admittedly more matured and attractive, sure, but they were still the same faces off his friends.

It had been a few months now since he returned home to the big city of Beverly Hills, resuming the life of a normal man who just so happened to be a big name around both the country and world. But, many were quick to note the subtle change in Richie’s usually boisterous and vulgar attitude. Yet, no one seemed to understand why.

Sure, he was the same man who made jokes about cheating on his girlfriend, about people’s mothers, or even the infamous ‘that’s what she said’ trope. But there was an evident sadness behind that smile. One pitted so deep within him that not even Richie himself could fathom a melancholy so drastic.

Yet his return back to the celebrity life was short lived, as the spotlight finally shone upon the middle-aged comedian, it seemed to catch everything but the usual glimmer of mischief that always shone despite being hidden beyond thick glasses. To be honest, Richie himself didn’t know what was wrong, nor what was the reactant causing his chest to feel so empty. Numb, even. It wasn’t until he closed his eyes at night did he ever feel normal. Probably because sleeping consisted of dreaming a life that he could possibly ever have. But what was particularly strange about it, was that he could never remember what exactly it was he had been dreaming about. It had been like this for months now, and he’s grown accustomed to it. Also undeniably irritated, but used to the dressing feeling of the slumber blinking itself out of his eyes on instinct.

Richie hadn’t forgotten about his time in Derry, either. He can only blame the defeat of IT, or maybe some childhood trauma- maybe both- to be the cause of these weird dreams. In fact, he had managed to stay in touch with the rest of the Losers, too! It was hard not to, especially when the majority of them were such big names. Bill was still producing his feature film of ‘The Black Rapids’, and had been published a brand new book with an ending that didn’t completely suck. Ben and Beverly were still together, with their companies beginning to merge and create more publicity than ever. It was strange how well they made the drastically different worlds of fashion and architecture work. Mike had moved out of Derry at the end of the summer, settling down in Florida and living out the dream life he had always wanted. Needless to say, everything was going great for the remaining five Losers. They hadn’t forgotten each other this time, either. Everyone had gotten their well-deserved happy ending.

..Well, almost everyone.

They called and texted frequently, keeping to date with each other’s lives. However, their busy schedules sometimes meant that these calls would be postponed for days on end.

But winter meant a slow in business. People and paparazzi would much rather be cooped up against a roaring fire than going out of their way to catch a glimpse at the celebrities that seemed to roam around. They could stalk them from the comfort of their own home, thanks to technology.

The holidays were coming up, too. Early December now, but a time both Richie and his friends had been planning ever since their drastic turn back to the regular life of fame; one that contrasted almost comically to the one they used to bare back in the tiny, mundane town that was Derry, Maine.

Richie never thought he’d set foot back on this cursed pavement ever again. That’s what he had told himself during that dreaded week back in summer- to get the hell out of this place and never look back. But that was easier said that done. Despite its reputation, one couldn’t deny the place they had grown up and known for a majority of their life. Even then, the man still had good memories he’d rather hold on to that tied a part of his heart at the one place that truly felt like home.

Richie didn’t have anyone to spend the holidays with. His mother had long since passed, father only dwindling behind. His sister and niece lived out of state, with each other’s company and that of his brother-in-law. There wasn’t any romance, nor even a fling he could call up. Maybe it was out of shame, maybe it was out of the fact that Richie Tozier refused to admit to himself that he was truly alone. He did have one thing, though. Well- four things, if you count each of the Losers individually. Bev, Bill, Mike and Ben were the closest thing Richie had to family nowadays, and he jumped at the proposition of them spending time together back home at Christmas.

Richie rolls up outside the Derry Townhouse, pulling his suitcase out of the trunk of the red sports car. Flashy. He recognizes the other three vehicles parked outside, too- Bill’s silver Chevrolet, Ben’s green Lexus and Mike’s black Peugeot (that admittedly looked in a lot worse wear compared to the others, but Richie is nice enough to not voice that aloud).

Admittedly, he’s not nervous. It wasn’t as if this was the first time he was seeing them in twenty season years or something. The rekindling if their friendship in the earlier months was enough to make Richie recall how deeply rooted his emotional connection was to the group of Losers. They were just friends. Their shared trauma bound them closer than what one would even be able to perceive as humanly possible. It was love. A real love, one that not many  got to experience in their lifetime. Sure, it may have not been romantic, but the familial bond was so strong that it seemed to triumph anything else.

The door of the Townhouse creaks open, Trashmouth Tozier plopping his bags down on the ground with a small thump as he watches the familiar figures hunch over the bar, talking and laughing about any and everything under the sun.

“Hey, look who finally decided to show!” Bill turns and raises his glass to Richie, beckoning him over. This, in turn, earns a cheesy grin to erupt from the comedian’s lips. It was strange being back here again. Where it all started, yet they were down to five instead of seven.

“Yeah, yeah, keep it in your pants, Denbrough.” Richie proceeds over, Bev welcoming him with open arms. He engulfs his tiny friend in a hug, ravishing in the feeling of warmth. Bev knew better than anyone about Richie’s hurt, even if he didn’t want t admit it to himself. She couldn’t comprehend what it must feel like, though- she came out of this story with the love of her life, yet her best friend’s own was lost in the process. Apart of her can’t help but feel bad, mostly because there was nothing she could do to better the situation, nor was there anything that could’ve helped prevent it. Needless to say, Beverly wouldn’t mind being a shoulder for Richie to lean on if he needed it. That had always been their thing, anyways. Sitting together with a smoke and a beer, staring up at the night sky and just letting their facades fall. Beverly and Richie could always be real with one another. They understood each other. Maybe that was due to their similar personality traits, or the fact that they were platonic soulmates made in hell.

“Heeey,” the red-haired woman grins up at her tall friend, reaching up to pat his cheek – the scratchiness of the stubble feeling like sandpaper against her soft palm. Pale blue eyes meet brown, the happiness evident within them- yet Bev could sense the emptiness behind Richie’s own. “Poured you one and everything. You’re no fun unless your drunk.” She chuckles, holding up a glass of whiskey for Rich. He takes it, rolling his eyes as the clinking of their glasses echoed throughout the desolate B&B.

The taste is bitter in his mouth, the alcohol practically burning as it surpasses his throat. Just how he liked it.

“Haven’t put a ring on it yet, Haystack?” Richie asks Ben, earning a flustered laugh from the undeniably attractive, former fat boy. His cheeks were barely illuminated under the dim lighting of the bar.

“I, uh-“ Ben begins, bashfully rubbing the back of his neck.

“Oh, stop! You’re embarrassing him!” Bev points out, slapping Richie’s shoulder gently.

Mike and Bill proceed to join the conversation – time seemingly to fly by almost immediately. Perhaps that was just an effect of the copious amounts of alcohol everyone began to consume, cheeks flushed and words beginning to slur. It was nice, though. Even if it were for just a few hours, Richie wasn’t focusing on ignoring the gaping hood in his chest (pun intended), but rather his best friends.

One by one, the group seemed to dissipate – Mike being the first to stumble up to bed, followed by Bill, then Bev and Ben. Richie had grown quite the tolerance towards the cursed alcohol, having grown a feign dependency on it to help get through the tough times. He had stopped for a while, wanting to counter the issue before it untwisted into something bigger. However, that seemed to be easier said than done.

Being back in Derry erupted a heavy weight to press down on his chest, especially while housed in the same lobby that housed the previous six. The area was so quiet that even the slightest sound of a pin could be heard if it were dropped. Richie sat alone, the empty glass one one calloused hand, with the other bent against the bar as he hunched against it. He stares ahead at the array of bottles that were lined up neatly on the shelves, letting out a sigh as he deliberates tearing into those, too.

Nonetheless, he decides against it. He decides against heading up to bed in general. The thick bottom of the rugged glass meets the wood below one last time, an exasperated grimace pulling at the older man’s aging features. No drinks, yet no sleep. What exactly was there to do?

To hell if Richie knows. All he can comprehend is the fact that his car keys seemed all that more heavy in his jacket pocket.

Footsteps echo throughout the desolate hall of the Derry Townhouse, the sounds seeming to echo off the four paper-thin walls holding the place up. He had no idea where he was going, but chose to trust his gut with this overwhelming sense of need to travel somewhere. To just get out of here and clear his head. It was easier said than done, especially while the wooziness of the alcohol seemed to alter his state of mind and make his emotions all that more heightened.

He doesn’t even comprehend the comfort and warmth of his car, how it contrasted drastically to the bitterly cold Derry air outside, or how the night wind was so harsh that each whip of it felt like a repeated slap to his freckled and now-red cheeks. The bright lights of the modernized town pass by like a blur, each one reflecting over the lenses of his glasses in their varying neon colours and flashing rhythms. Greens, pinks and blues mixed with the navy sky, standing out like a candle in the darkness – flickering on an off in an attempt to garner a reaction from the people outside. It was a ploy that usually reeled the very man in with its excitement, but now his stoic and determined face seemed to scream anything but intrigued.

The night life seemed to decrease the further Richie headed out, the more he continued to follow the Main Street down until its nearing end as it broke into paths. Two roads diverged in a yellow road, and in his haste, Richie chose the one less travelled by. The car’s tires bump over the uneven hills and potholes that were littered in the grass, showing that this very shortcut hadn’t been touched in years. Last he recalls was when he was in his youth, the freedom of his beaten-up sneakers against the crunchy grass almost like music to his ears, surrounded by those he valued enough to call his best friends. The cold air would toss his unruly and outgrown curls around erratically in rhythm with its howls, Richie only having his glasses to shield his eyes from squinting in an attempt to savor some of his sight.

However, the sounds of tires rolling over pebbles seemed to signify enough that he had gone far enough. The desired destination would have to be reached by foot. It wasn’t an issue, though- the trees parted up ahead, clearing a path for the bridge to be crossed safely. Richie pulls his jacket closer to his body, teeth chattering at the coldness that seemed to envelop this winter night. The surrounding area seems to familiar to him, all the memories flooding back like a slap to his face.

Ah, yes. The Kissing Bridge.

It was only good for two things; sucking faces and carving names. Both options that appealed to Richie wholeheartedly, but he had only ever gotten to fulfill the latter.

The decayed wood that was laid across the bridge creaks under his weight, showing how much wear thirty years really does to something like this. Richie’s walk slows, taking in the scenery around him – the sparkling stars up above, how one seemed to shine ever so slightly brighter amongst the others and how it was situated directly above his head. The rushing water of The Barrens below also seemed eerily calm, more like a secluded lake. The place was hugged in a dark blanket of black within the night, but the full moon shine so brightly that it illuminated the path ahead of him.

He wasn’t sure what had originally led him to this spot,  it the familiarity of it was enough to make him understand. And man, he wished he hadn’t.

Brown eyes cast downwards as he comes to a stop, looking over the wooden panels that served as barriers at the bridge’s side. Names and initials of all kinds were engraved deeply into them, some now faded or grown over with moss. But one in particular still looked as good as new. It was only redone a few months prior, after all.

R + E

He scans the initials, a small smile tugging at his lips, yet the melancholy was evident from the way his brows creased in hurt. Eddie. Man, he can almost hear the voice telling him to shut up as Fichte delivered yet another crude joke or in protests to the many silly nicknames he had dubbed the small hypochondriac over the years.

That pain he had been experiencing was there, but only seemed amplified by a thousand – the knife in his heart now being twisted at an unimaginable angle to further embed deeper into the already open and sensitive wound. It hurts. Of course it does. He just wasn’t expecting it to feel so.. excruciating.

Richie reaches up to touch the bow of his glasses, fingers brushing over the lens from where it had previously been splattered with blood.

His breath hitches, and before he knows it, he’s knee-down in the gravel below, having to crawl a few steps over in order to sit his back against the panels below. The man’s shoulder shake pathetically, face buried within his calloused palms as he just.. cries. For the first time in forever, he feels the sensation of tears screaming down his face, the shortness of breath as he gasps in sobs. Albeit silent, each one caused his heart to ache more and more. Time seems to pass, but it’s beyond the point of being able to be told, considering the night was still upon him and he lacked a watch to check the time. Hell, he doesn’t even know if he wants to. He couldn’t been crying for five minutes, maybe an hour- who knows?

It’s the setting of his dreams all over again. The very scenario- only it felt way more real.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts once again by a familiar yet oddly foreign voice from behind. “Hey, fuckface. Mind if I sit here?” It asks, grabbing Richie’s attention. Over the fence leans a short man, his brown hair arranged in a neat fiat-top and puppy-dog eyes still so round beneath his thick brows. The occasional wrinkle was invented into his smile-lines, which was to be expected with age. The large gauze on his cheek is almost significant to his character.

Eddie Kaspbrak.

“Shit, fucking fences-“ he curses out, struggling to catch his leg over the top panel. He was so short in comparison, it was usually comical to Richie. But he hasn’t looked up. His head merely rests back against the fence, a defeated smile pulling at his lips. Eddie takes a seat beside him eventually, dusting himself off.

“This is the most disgusting place I’ve ever been. Even your mom wasn’t a public menace to mental health.”

Richie can’t help but snicker. “Pffft. Of couuurse. Even while you’re dead, you’re still the same germ freak.”

Eddie reciprocates the laugh, ensuing his usual playful teasing-wars with Richie. His sarcas, always seemed to contrast the vulgarity of his jokes. “Well, sue me for having standards.” The silence is resumed once again, it seeming so deafening in the current moment. The distant crickets chirp, combining with the faint sounds of rushing water and the natural night ambiance. It would’ve been beautiful if they had been in any other situation other than their current one. “So, whats the big Trashmouth plan here?” Eddie asks, glancing over. It was as if he was expecting Richie to conjure up some elaborate plan in order to make himself feel better.

There was no answer. Nothing. For the first time in what had to be history, Richie Tozier had nothing to say – which was worrying in itself. His long legs just sprawl out on the ground before him limply.

Eddie furrows his brows. “..Richie?”

“I don’t wanna forget again,” the taller of the two eventually blurts our, which earn a pair of chocolate-brown eyes to look over at him with a hurt expression. Eddie hurts for Richie, knowing that he’d have to live ur is days seemingly miserable. He didn’t want that, especially not for the very man he’d cared about for so many years. He wishes he could’ve said something sooner- anything. Maybe they wouldn’t be in this predicament right now.

“I remember everything now,” Richie begins, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose in distress. “I can’t let go again, Eds.” Of you, Eddie. Richie doesn’t want  to let go of the very hypochondriac beside him.

“You wont this time. IT’s dead, remember? We’re free..”

A bitter tone is laced through the replying tone of Richie. “Doesn’t fucking feel like it.” His hand comes away from his face, glasses in grip as he takes them off. His thumb brushes over one of the lenses, as if recalling the very day they were crusted with splattered blood of the very man who was stabbed before him. “Did you know I had to clean your blood off my glasses after?” The Adam’s apple in his throat bobs as he gulps. “Had a sore throat for day’s from screaming your name.”

Eddie feels his own heartstrings get tugged on. He doesn’t hate anything more than seeing Richie so upset, especially when there was nothing he could do. He could take the shitty nicknames, even the jokes about his mom, but Eddie Kaspbrak hated being helpless. He takes Richie’s glasses and instead reaches up to adjust them back onto the wearer, a soft smile with creased brows adorning his features. “You won’t forget, but you do have to let me go, Rich. You deserve a happy ending, too.”

Richie’s gaze meets Eddie’s for the first time. It feels like they’re kids again, and he’s staring into the eyes of the same boy sitting across the hammock from him. “How?”

Quoting the famous lines said to him in the sewer, Eddie nudges him. “You’re stronger than you think. You’ll figure it out.”

“Am not.”

“The strongest, smartest, dumb asshole I know.”

Richie takes ahold of the hands near his face, holding them in a genetic grip as he studies the drastic difference in size. He’s feeling a plethora of emotions right now, and can’t control his next words. “I love you.”

Eddie merely smiles and presses his forehead to Richie’s, his eyes closing in glee. “I love you too, man.”

The curly-haired man feels his chests sink. It was now or never, but he just had to tell Eddie how h event one and for all – facing his fear of being rejected and outcasted by others for this one simple moment that decades had led up to. “No, I mean..-“ He swallows again. “Shit, Kaspbrak, I-“

“Richie, come on.” Eddie pulls away, his lips pressing against Richie’s forehead from where it was exposed beneath his bangs, “I know.”

Richie opens his eyes to instead see a small boy embracing him, his red shorts and fanny pack all too familiar. His head buries in Eddie’s chest, the casting down of his gaze now revealing that instead of his usual modernized-outfit, Richie wore some ripped jeans and an oversized Hawaiian shirt. They both seemed so small right now- having to be no older than thirteen. The same age their friendship was in its prime and began to blossom into something beautiful.

“Now quit the pity party. Go take a shower and make someone laugh, dipshit,” Eddie says, his voice matching his youthful look.

—

When Richie opens his eyes again, he realizes that it was indeed morning, from the brightness and the chirping birds, but also from how groggy he was. He must’ve fallen asleep outside, but the memory of last night still rang in his head like a second nature.

He smiles at the thought, wiping away the few stray tears of happiness that cascaded down his stubble cheeks. His palm presses against his face, trying to conceal that stupid grin that pulled at his lips.

“..Okay, Eddie.”

Pushes himself up, checking his phone to the the multitude of messages from his friends back home. Fuck, he didn’t mean to worry them.

“Let’s do it your way.”

#reddie #it #it chapter two #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #losers club #bev marsh #bill denbrough #mike hanlon #ben hanscom #angst #mcd #pennywise #it ch 2

[dogbearinggifts]

“Dad Sent Me to the Moon” vs. “Because Dad Made Me”

How Luther and Vanya Talk About Trauma, Part Three 

Before I begin my analysis of Episode 4, I feel I should warn you: I kinda break my own rule here. Namely, I said in the beginning that I would compare Luther’s mentions of his time on the Moon to Vanya’s mentions of her exclusion, and sort of implied I’d leave it at that. But after seeing how Luther approaches his own forcible mutation, and thinking on it for a while, I concluded that I can’t limit Luther’s trauma mentions to the Moon. The moment where Reginald mutates him without his consent and leaves him alone to adjust is too pivotal for his character, the way he talks about it reveals a lot about how he regards his own trauma in general, and it actually sets up an interesting contrast for how he addresses his time on the Moon after the big reveal in Episode 6. 

So, from now on, if Luther or another character brings up his mutation, I’ll include it in my trauma counts. If it turns out I’d forgotten about another trauma Vanya addresses later in the series, I’ll add that one in too. 

Part One

Part Two

Episode 4: Man on the Moon

The first trauma mention in this episode is brief, and it comes while Vanya is walking with Leonard to rehearsal. 

Leonard: You’re doing it again.  Vanya: Force of habit. It’s just—when I was a kid, I felt like I had to apologize for even breathing.  Leonard: Tell me about it. I don’t think my dad ever forgave me for being born. 

Once again, we see Vanya bringing up her own trauma. Although this mention is  more appropriate to the conversation at hand, its presence reveals a lot about how Vanya approaches her painful childhood. 

First of all, we see her, once again, using it to explain her own behavior. Why does she apologize all the time? Because when she was a kid, she felt like she had to apologize for her own existence. She was made to feel guilty for taking up space in a house filled with young demigods, and that habit has followed her into adulthood. 

However, this also shows the progress she’s made in processing her own trauma: She is able to connect her present behavior to her past scars, and she understands how the latter influences the former. Even without her offer to Five to recommend a therapist she’d seen, this remark would be enough of a hint for viewers to surmise she had either seen a therapist or read some quality self-help books. That therapist, whoever she was, helped Vanya untangle some of her childhood and get a clearer idea of why she approaches relationships the way she does. It’s unclear whether Vanya always understood (on some level) that the abuse was not her fault, or if the therapist she saw helped her see that, but either way, the result is the same: Vanya knows that what happened to her was not her fault, and that influences the way she talks about it. 

But most of all, this snippet shows just how readily Vanya addresses her own trauma. She’s not shy about bringing it into a conversation—and not always as a swipe at her sister. Here, she’s not trying to remind Leonard that he was shitty to her in the past; she’s simply telling him what she knows about herself so he can understand her better. And Leonard brings up a bit about his own painful childhood, so they commiserate. This isn’t a bad thing, in the real world. Trauma and abuse survivors often benefit greatly from sharing their experiences and learning that they’re not alone. The fact Vanya feels comfortable addressing her trauma with someone she trusts is not in itself bad. The fact she’s chosen to trust a manipulative pile of walking garbage with a face is. 

************

Shortly thereafter, Allison wakes Luther to show him what happened to Grace. Luther’s reaction is, to put it lightly, subdued—he shows little emotion and his statements are matter-of-fact. 

Allison: Poor Diego. I mean, this is gonna be so hard on him.  Luther: It’s hard on all of us.  Allison: Luther? Are you okay? I mean, you know you can talk to me.  Luther: I don’t want to discuss it.  Allison: Hey, no. Don’t do that. Don’t shut me out. When I left, you were still… I mean, what…what happened?  Luther: Dad sent me on a mission. And it went…badly. I almost died. He saved my life.  Allison: Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped you through it.  Luther: I was fine. All right? I am fine. I don’t need any help.  Allison: People are attacking our family. I mean, come on. Talk to me.  Luther: I can’t. I…please. Just leave me alone. 

Here we see the first onscreen mention of Luther’s mutation, and—as with the first onscreen mention of his time on the Moon—it is Allison who brings it up first. And in a similar vein, Luther’s answers are brief, although with the Moon, Luther waxed poetic about the sunrise and his “world turning to white glass.” His answers here, in contrast, could almost be considered bare-minimum sort of answers—he’s saying as little as he can while still answering the question. 

It’s clear that Allison is trying to help. Luther gave her space to talk about her power abuse before; now she is giving him space to talk about his mutation. And he rejects the invitation. She accepted his help prior to this; now he’s saying “I don’t need any help. I’m fine.” And it would be easy to dismiss this exchange as Luther not wanting to appear weak, or as him not caring about what happened to him—but both of those assumptions would be off the mark. 

We learn later that Reginald considered Luther’s mutation a failure on his part. It was an emergency procedure undertaken to pull Luther back from the brink of death, and at the time Reginald likely had no idea what all of the side effects would be. He only learned the hard way, once Luther awoke to find his body was, for all intents and purposes, gone and replaced with a new one. And don’t think I’m defending Reginald here; if he had no idea what would happen, staying with his son until he awoke, ensuring he had someone there to explain it to him and keep him from panic, was the very least he could do, and he didn’t even do that much. 

Now, imagine what the recovery must have been like for Luther. The procedure would’ve been explained to him at some point—maybe by Reginald, maybe by Grace or Pogo—but he knows why he looks the way he does, so he must have heard it from someone. He knows it was necessary to save his life. He knows he’d be dead if it hadn’t happened. But if Reginald considered it a failure, how did that impact his relationship with Luther? Did he never look at his son again without disappointment filling his eyes? Did he simply avoid Luther from that point on, refusing to look at the reminder of how badly he’d miscalculated on that serum? Did he send Luther on mission after mission just to get him out of the house, or did he sequester him away from the world, barking orders to get back to training every time Luther crossed his path? Is he the one who told Luther to hide his body beneath that overcoat, or did Luther choose it himself in response to the shame his Dad taught him to feel? 

Grace and Pogo wouldn’t have been abusive toward Luther, true. But they wouldn’t have been supportive, either. Judging by an earlier conversation with Diego, it seems Grace’s programming will not allow her to speak badly of Reginald, and Pogo is always careful to avoid saying anything that might be construed as ingratitude. Grace would have gone on treating Luther the way she always had, and Pogo would probably have done much the same, but neither would have been available if he needed to vent. Neither would have listened if he’d needed to cry, or scream, or shout obscenities at his dad. They could have given him a refuge from Reginald’s shame and abuse, but they couldn’t have given him what he really needed: someone to say “Holy shit, Luther, that’s fucked up. You don’t deserve all that.”  

With all that in mind, it’s no wonder he is, to borrow Allison’s words, shutting her out. It’s the only way he knows to deal with that trauma. Just shut it out and keep going. But I’d like to note exactly what he says there: “I can’t.” 

This line, to me, shows two things: self-awareness and an acknowledgment of past attempts to come to terms. He’s had time to go over what was done to him—several years, in fact—and it seems he’s tried to find some sort of closure. But he never could. He was never given the tools to do so, because the one tool he needed—an acknowledgement that his dad was abusive—was always withheld from him. His emotions are a jumble of internalized shame and anger and self-loathing and resentment and gratitude, but he can’t untangle the knot and every attempt just leaves him in more pain than he was before. So he leaves the knot alone. It’s not a good solution by any stretch, but it’s all he has. 

***********

Not too long later, we see a very different reaction to Luther’s mutation, when Luther is going through Five’s room in search of clues and Diego happens by. I apologize for the length of this quote, but I don’t think a shorter one conveys everything worth discussing here. 

Luther: Do you know about Mom?  Diego: Well, looks like you got what you wanted. One way or another, right?  Luther: Want to tell me what you’re doing here?  Diego: Looking for Five.  Luther: Oh, and let me guess, you’re gonna save the day.  Diego: It’s what I do. Asshole.  Luther: Really? Last I checked, you mopped floors.  Diego: And what do you do? Sit on the Moon, for four years, waiting for orders? Pogo: Boys! This won’t help us find Five!  Diego: Keep on being a loyal soldier? After everything our father did to you? Luther: You mean save my life?  Diego: No, I mean….turn you into a monster.  Luther pauses a few seconds, then drives his fist through the wall near Diego’s head.  Diego: Can’t hide it anymore, champ.  Luther: He had a difficult decision to make and he made it.  Diego: Grow up, Luther, we’re not thirteen anymore.  Luther: That’s what leaders do, by the way.  Diego: He sent you on that mission all alone. Almost got you killed.  Luther: Yeah, well, at least he was there. Where were you? You and everyone else in this family? You walked out.  Diego: And thank Christ that I did, or I would’ve ended up just like you. Pause Let me ask you a question. When you watch one of those nature shows…does it turn you on? 

If you want to, you can look at this conversation as both a response to Diego’s trauma and a mention of Luther’s, but the mention of Diego’s trauma is so brief and the subject changes so quickly that I won’t count it. However, I will note that the argument begins with a simple, non-accusatory question from Luther: He wants to know if Diego heard the bad news about Grace. That’s all he asks, but Diego turns it into a dig at Luther, which prompts the argument. 

Now, I apologize ahead of time if I get off-topic for a minute, but this scene is one of the most cannibalized in the fandom. Those who dislike Luther to begin with cherry-pick his worst moments—mocking Diego for mopping floors, punching through the wall—and pass them around as if they are things Luther did entirely unprovoked because he’s that much of an asshole. But that is not what happens here. The scene begins with Diego twisting a simple inquiry into a swipe at Luther—for no real reason I can see, aside from Diego’s unresolved anger toward the rivalry Reginald introduced to their relationship—and escalates into an argument when Diego deliberately tries to enrage Luther. 

Knowing Diego, and knowing what he says of Reginald before and after this argument, it’s clear that his digs at Luther have a purpose: He wants Luther angry not at him, but at Reginald. He wants Luther to see that Reginald was the villain and get him to place the blame for his problems where it belongs. But the end does not, in any way, justify the means Diego chooses to employ. 

Think about how little Luther says to Allison regarding his mutation. “Dad sent me on a mission. And it went badly. I almost died. He saved my life.” How he tells her not just that he doesn’t want to talk about it, but that he can’t. Think back to the lengths he went to in order to hide it. Unless Reginald kept the Academy at a temperature more suited for snowmen than for people, it can’t be comfortable to wear that overcoat indoors all the time. Think about the way he stared at his body in the mirror, as if it were an unwanted stranger. Luther might have come to accept accept his body on the most basic “I’m stuck this way so there’s no point trying to change it” level, but he certainly is not okay with it. 

So what does Diego resort to in order to get a rise out of him? Body-shaming. 

I don't think it’s possible to overstate how devastating this is for Luther. If you watch this scene again, pay attention to his expressions. He’s angry, yes, but he’s also hurt. Diego has found his sore spot and is stabbing at it repeatedly—similar to the way Leonard later tries to enrage Vanya with chants of “Ordinary! Less than ordinary! Not special!” And just as the attack on Vanya comes from a man she thought she trusted and loved, the attack on Luther comes from his own brother. It’s not just devastation Luther is feeling; it’s betrayal. 

***********

Running count of trauma mentions (cumulative of all episodes thus far)

Own Trauma: Vanya 3, Luther 3  Trauma of Others: Vanya 1, Luther 1

Read on to Part Four

#the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #tua #tua meta #luther hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #number one #number seven #number two #number three #number four #number five #number six #grace hargreeves #pogo hargreeves #trauma #how luther and vanya talk about trauma

[rawliverandcigarettes]

A Sleep-Deprived Journey of Batarians in Halfway Home

(or: the adventures of me in “Everything is problematic and I want to cry”) (also I have lost count and I am not consistent in anything regarding these updates please bear with me)

I haven’t slept and I am exhausted, as in, globally. So of course I decided it would be the perfect time to write something about the daunting, complex and delicate process of weaving the batarian narrative in Halfway Home.

Because, of course, I have to be like that.

I’d say the “batarian subplot”, as I call it, is the biggest subplot of Halfway Home, and one of the more intricately connected. It is present in some capacity from the first chapter to the last, and it’s the story of three things:

the long, muted fall of an entire civilization (as in the games, so I’m not really counting it as spoiler?)

the narrative on said long, muted fall from the perspective of an outsider (namely Shlee, hi Shlee) shifting gradually as the picture gets more precise and nuanced

Khocress Kam’gestar and his fight against the entropy; to secure a new cultural identity and a new home for his gang, and the batarian people at large (and the ideological turmoil it causes him, hi Khocress)

This subplot is also extremely linked to the political subplots (mostly the growing human influence and its clashes with turian powers), the Omega subplot and who gets to rule that damn upside down edgy space rock. And the main plot as well, of course.

So. Batarians.

Honestly sometimes I wonder what the hell I was thinking trying to go deep in the intricacies of that culture and its horrifying course throughout the games. Because… So beware! the Spice, but batarians, as a “planet of hat” culture (which they very much are in the games)… is kind of not great to begin with? And I don’t mean “not great” diegetically to the Mass Effect world, because yes they are very much not great in-world: they are slavers, with a caste system, pirates, racists and dismissive of other species, involved in “human” trade, sort of sexists, the species by far the most associated with sexual assault canonically, thrive in gangs, terrorists, want to aggressively impose their culture on the civilized other species and ain’t that preposterous… Yeah, so what I mean is that batarians, as a concept, are not exactly… Woke(TM), if I may. While kind of hard to pinpoint as a shortcut to one singular culture, they evoke a narrative that isn’t new but remains vague enough to be used as a “conversation starter” without being too outrageous. Basically batarians, when compared to the expected demographic of the game (which I assume is “western” whatever that means), embody All Of The Bad Tropes coming hot out of the “non-white” hat of cultural shortcuts, except up-played to 11. Wow, I know, what a take right.

I don’t think it has been done out of malice at all. I think the goal, with batarians, was to create a species you could freely hate and shoot (and do a tiny genocide on) without feeling too bad about it. And creating guilt-free antagonists is kind of normal when you’re making a shooter game, especially one like Mass Effect that does everything it can for the player to feel empowered and right (and it evokes this feeling masterfully, which is crazy hard to do). The antagonism between batarians and humans create tension every time Shepard crosses path with one of them, especially if the player went the Colonist route. That’s actually pretty cool to maintain, and the contained aggressiveness with every Omega interaction in Mass Effect 2 makes for interesting momentum (and makes me sort of wish we had some greater batarian antagonist, because there was potential, videogame-wise). And Mass Effect 3 finally paints a little more nuance on this species as a group of people who lost everything (though it kind of paints it with its “congratulation you played yourself” light that we also have with asaris after the Reaper attack –really not a fan, but hey, self-righteousness feels deserved after 150+ hours poured in an RPG series, so good for Shepard I guess).

But yes, culture bias is unfortunate, so invoking racist stereotypes can be a shorthand to achieve diplomatic antagonism pretty fast with our human protagonist, even if unknowingly and with the best intentions in mind.

But now I’m stuck with this too, am I not.

So I got stuck with a lot of decisions from the trilogy since several years ago, the worst offender still and always the Cerberus plot on Omega, which I will never not whine about. But for some reason, I never fought the batarian characterization, and I tried to roll with it and go underneath what that characterization means. What such a culture would be about. Also: after thousands of years of cohabitation (they made contact 40 years after the Council was formed by salarians and asaris, which dates them as crazy old), how they have been reflected back and shaped by other cultures too. Why this crazy long time period had been shoved under the carpet in their characterization, their presence not even mentioned for several major wars, why krogans, while still quite vengeful as a whole, are apparently more deserving of progressive empathy (at least in the way it’s shown) than batarians enslaved by their own kind and unable to leave their propaganda-fueled homeworld on the verge of economic collapse. There is a lot to unpack, a lot under the surface, and I get a sense of disconnect between the simplicity of their portrayal and the complexity of their reality in this world. I guess this is what drove me to them, in part.

So the task was to lay down the story of their fall. Cool.

But with a material so deeply flawed to begin with, it’s very hard to do right. Calling it up right now: I am bound to mess up somehow, because this very narrative is so connoted. I don’t know if there is a name for the trope of the Fatally Flawed Culture, the Unsavable Morally Doomed Civilization, but as much as I dance around the idea that the problem is not with what their culture had become but with the system that put them in that position in the first place, the slip is so very easy to make, especially given their proto-fascist ways. Also how easy it is to shove in some taste of White Savior, even without meaning to, even actively fighting against it, especially when the POV isn’t part of said culture (though Shlee doesn’t save anyone, barely his own ass, and mess up quite incredibly every time he attempts to meddle with a culture he believes really hard he understands and belongs to, honestly). Also, well. Batarian culture is flawed, it is part of their characterization, and washing them off as pure and unproblematic wouldn’t be very helpful either, nor would it be interesting. Victimization is as dehumanizing as blind antagonism. And then, and that comes with how the games sets them up in the narrative: their story is a downward spiral by essence. And this display of tragedy is kind of used, in the games, as a way to get the player to feel that maybe they deserve a little empathy after all. In a story that flips the switch to put the spotlight on their perspective and still maintains the systemic horror of their narrative arc, how do you avoid trauma porn, miserabilism?

I don’t have a perfect solution, obviously. One of my attempts is to multi-facet this whole situation as much as possible, with as much batarian faces as I can fit them in, but then you don’t want to bloat the story either, and then you contrast the pain with anger, and the anger can be horrifying, and another problematic problem in itself (I’m going to dubious places involving some batarian characters, and it’s kind of overwhelming, and also necessary but also kind of a never ending swarm of questions and double guesses, but welp ain’t no way I’m not getting canceled over something in this puddle of hot mess). Hope too, of course, but again, keep the message clear, don’t bloat the story. But hope, still. Somewhere.

All of that convoluted, sleep-deprived post served only to deliver this message: batarians are a mess to get right. They come packaged as a mess, are a mess to work through, and I have very little hope for them not to still be a mess at the end of the road. I will try. They deserve as much.

Who said writing fanfiction was easy again.

#writing #batarians #Mass Effect #mass effect critical #critical #personal #halfway home #khocress #shlee #how does one be sensitive and sound with such a loaded problematic premice #a question for the ages #(or at least a question for me right now)

[aqualianbird]

So, I am having a relatively stressful episode at work, I have enough alcohol in my blood to make me feel chatty, and there isn’t nearly as much Saint Seiya talk on my dash as I’d need so here it goes :

Let’s talk about ... well, Seiya

It’s dificult for me to comprehend exactly how many fans of Pegasus Seiya there are around. Often it seems like he is the most hated and the most loved character in the fandom simultaneously. No, seriously, I don’t think even characters that were designed to be hated like Tatsumi or Kasa got as much (and for the latter even Shun said the dude was going way too far)

For my part I plead guilty to the first one; my sympathy for the Pegasus knight only lasted a dozen of episodes. I often joked to my sister how the reason I never watched the anime a second time (despite a habbit of feeding on re-runs of favourite shows instead of new ones) was entirely because I couldn’t stand the idea of watching so many frames of Seiya again.

Nevertheless, I always made it a point never to completely exclude completely him for any headcanoning or writing I made around the universe, especially if it touched Athena and the 5 main bronzes - few are the sound reasons to exclude him from the universe that was nammed after him.

I never say much or write much about him because, despite my irritation with the character, I never wanted to reduce him to being The Clown, or make him the bottom of all sorts of jokes.I may be wierd but even if he is a fictional character I wasn’t going to treat him unfairly ... In general we could say I could never picture him in a way that would make him more appealing to my eyes, as a writer or a fan.

So here in this saturday midnight let me first speak ill of Seiya, and then speak way less ill of him (and if you survive to the end you will find out it really is related to my work, that’s what got me thinking)

The many facettes of Pegasus Seiya and how they made me grow as a writer

(Since this is getting long I figured it needed a title)

If I want to speak ill of Seiya first it is because I am a big fan of riddles. In general I just like to understand the logical connections between everything (you have no idea how satisfied I was the day I found out the anime colours of the gold saints’ hair were chosen to contrast with the overwhelming yellows of their armours. Really it’s just like watching those videos were everything fits perfectly into everything). And I think I did figure out why the “Seiya hate”.

Furthermore, with the exemple of Seiya I started understanding many advice given to beginers about character-building and protagonists. I also hope this first part will illustrate how I always tried to “see the good” in Seiya.

I always thought he was a admirable character - in theory. I believe this is a shared feeling, nobody would dare say Seiya is a poor character absolutely useless to the dynamics of the series.  

(Ok I’m idealising a little. but the least one could say is that the content he generates is usually quite neutral)

Everything he does is heoric : he never gives up, he leads, he defeats enemies 300x bigger than himself, he helps those in need ... Seiya is really good, almost perfect in everyway except for his mischievious side, and worthy of all the praise he gets within the universe - in theory.

But oh god how annoying he was in practice

I wonder how many people reading this have never rolled their eyes during one of those typical “Seiya comes to save the day” moments.

So why ? Why is he annoying so many people ? Or, at least, why is he not inspiring as much as other characters of this series do ? I think I found the solution to that riddle (and I know it to be true for at least me and my sibilings)

Personally, I can easily name the moments Seiya irritated me the most. Disrigarding this one scene in a filler where Seiya makes a sexsit comment, it was in the scenes where he appeared at the last moment to save the day and everybody was cheerfully calling him name. Or how he was always the only one to be able to defeat the “big bosses”. All these scenes irritated me in how they were written to make him look as the big hero and protagonist of the show.

Which, you know. He actually is.

The story relates his steps - check

Does heroic stuff : self-sacrifice, never gives up even if the situations look desperate - check

Is indispensable to the plot : he defeats the big bosses, so yes - check

So why ?

Tying to put more words on this, the following sentence formed into my mind : “It is faked protagonism”.

With hindsight I am affraid Seiya’s character suffered a lot from the fillers of the anime in the same way Saori’s roles in fillers left the wrong impression of “damselle in distress” and Shun as “the crybaby always needing his brother to save him”. The fillers repeated ad nauseum the same formula : “enemy attacks - the bronzes go to fight them - Seiya gets hit on the head a lot - Let’s make him hit on the head three times more to show it has nothing to do with the last enemy they fought - He still miraculously avoids head trauma and defeats everyone and is the only one getting carried in triumph”. As a result, his heroic trait was completely banalizing and we were left us thinking “Does he ever do anything new ?”

Talking to my sibilings and seeing the trends on Tumblr the past years, I believe this feeling has been refrazed a lot as “We want to see x characters instead of Seiya”.

This is the point in this analysis where the wannabe writer in me starts putting her two cents. How come even minor characters seem to be more appealing than Seiya ?

I always did get what kind of traits Kuru wanted to give him. In theory. But in practice, they never seem to manage getting past the screen. Leaving out the glamour the Gold Saints’ name offer, if we compare Seiya to the other Bronzes, even taking only manga canon events one could say he suddenly appears quite pale as a character.

For instance, in the course of the series, Shyiru begins undergoing major character developpment from day one; he who had great pride looses his battle against Seiya.

In the later arcs, he sacrifices his eyesight to save his friends in this beautiful scene, which ensues in another character developpment moment where he learns to fight blind, goes to the big 12 temples battle blind. He is the first to kill a Gold Saint -actually he is the only one to have killed 2 gold saints in this battle- and we are very often reminded he is sacrificing a happy life with Shunrei everytime he goes on mission to save the world.

In a similar way, it is easy to be reminded how Ikki is battling his past everyday, how Hyoga is struggling to build a future everyday, and we could all appreciate Shun’s amazing strength in for instance the battle against Pisces or the beautiful scene of his sacrifice in Hades

Next to this, Seiya just seems to be “beaten around”, an idiot who tags along without bringing much into the group aprat from yelling “Saorii-saaaaaan” untill the osts dry up causing him to rise up and defeat the big boss on the cue of pegasus fantasy. And yet, he still receives all the glory in the narative and is at the center of attention.

The general impression me and my sibilings got was “He is the protagonist just because the series is named after him.” The naration and the fillers seem to have built a house of cards around his punch, which is definitively what irritated me and my sibilings and I am theoretising most of the fandom as well.

Now in his defence, his comedic trait and good contact with people does not have much room in end-of-the-world battles against gods that only address to humans talking down to them, and as mentioned the fillers did not do him any favours. The plot of his lost sister is quite forgotten after the first arc, and unlike other characters it does not seems like he picks up any other defining traits during the course of the series. (Personally, the ultimate strie that just made me loose all patience is the shipping with Saori that Toei has going on)

Which is where I realised : this is probably what everybody means when talking of “insuficient of character developpment”

We often see the words “character develeppment” in critiques or writing tips. Everybody stresses how important for your story it is. But it is only recently, paired with the exemple of Seiya that I have truly realised what this means.

I read somewhere that “If your protagonist becomes perfect, if he is not longer evolving, then he stops being a protagonist”. I think with Seiya I could sense the results of keeping a protagonist that is not longer evolving in the story.

One could also argue he is not sacrificing as much as the others. Like sure, he is ready to sacrifice his life every time, but it also never seems that his life is in any real danger - he only ever ends up in the hospital after the big guy is defeated. He never seems to suffer any consquences of his injuries during the battles - has the narative ever implied he could not throw his punches as well as usual because of his injuries ? He mostly attacks, falls down, can’t move for a few minutes and then gets up again. It is more a narrative of “If you don’t succeed, try harder and harder untill you do”.

Which helped me put in practice another writing advice : do not let your main characters excape the consequences of their actions.

It does not mean everything has to be realistic (of course they can loose way more blood that humanly possible and still survive because it visually increases the dramatic effect). I come to realise it means that if you give too much free passes, the stakes will not feel as high, and your plots will bear much less tension than they potentially could.

Going back to Seiya as much as his actions are heroic in theory, they do not feel heroic to most people watching it probably because his "never giving up and keep punching” attitude does not have consequences. They have as much effect as him getting out the trash : it sure is unpleasant, it smells baad, the trash starts leaking, it’s disgusting, you hears noises inside the trash disposal and nobody wants to know what would thrive in this smelly and juicy environement, but in the end it will be over in a second. You just throw away the bag, maybe you got a bit of trash juice on your shoes but it will easily be washed away by water.

Taking the same problem from a different angle offers the opportunity to look into giving traits to your character :

We can all agree that “never give up and keep punching” was intended to be Seiya’s main trait of character. It seems, however, it did not result to be as memorable or as inspiring as planned. Which reminded me of this other piece of advice :

“If you give your character a trait you consider his most defining characteristic, but never challenge it at any point, this trait is going to have as much effect as a mole on their cheek” - it is now loud and clear to me.

With the exemple of Seiya, I would add variety in the challenges is important, because repetition decreses tension, and less tention also means less investment in one’s story (or the story involving one particular character).

And if repeated to much, it becomes annoyance towards one’s character.

Calling myself out - Time to work on liking Seiya

Now this has gotten so much longer and personal than I ever expected, but after speaking so bad of Seiya I really do not want to leave out the part where I speak good of him. Especially when it involves my favourite kind of riddles with Saint Seiya characters : fill the gaps.

As mentioned before, it was always quite clear what traits Kurumada wanted to give the Pegasus Saint. Let’s start with the most obvious ones:

Mischievious side, implying as well that :

Has a sense of humour

Quite good with people or at least with kids

Rebel/independent side (flashback of Saori ridding Jabu, the begining of the anime)

Never gives up

Is a good leader / is capable of bringing people toghether / of rallying people to his cause

The last ones on the list are quite easy to forget about him, because of the “lack of challenge” discussed earlier (nobody would have ever forgotten about his leader skills if let’s say he had prevented Hyoga from turing over completely to Poseidon to stay with Isaak). In that spirit, I recently came across an idea that would make those two traits more “challenging” and give a more human dimention to his character.

Now the fact he was since always a bit of a rebel has an influence on his leader capacities, as being an independent mind he stands out and will not depend much external factors to go in a direction. But this alone does not make such an unchallenged leader as Seiya.

Now this is where my current employment helped this reflexion :  I work customer service, more precisely a position involving processing and solving issues.

The very first advice I was given during training was “Always sound confident. Even if you understand jack about what the customer is talking about, just sound confident. Make believe that you know your shit even if you are just about to google a crash course on the subject. Because if they even think for a second that you don’t know they will eat you“.

And let me tell you how accurate this advice is. I became the favourite of this Italian lady who always had problems with her printer because I read to her in a very confident voice an article I was reading on the spot after punching out her question in google.

It is not easy, and it really pumps your adrenaline, but it is true : if you sound confident people are going to follow your lead and believe in what you say. Even if you yourself have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.

Now today, I was thinking how this could be the secret behind “The Miracle of Seiya”; maybe this is why Seiya is very good at being a leader, and even more, why he is very good at being a leader in the apocalypse fighter army of Athena.

He reassures everybody and gives them hope by making them believe he has 100% confidence in a given situation and that everything is under control, much like I became a printer and Wifi expert in the eyes of that Italian lady even though I actually dread those motherfuckers.

That would totally explain this bit at the Cancer temple too, this scene we all make a little fun of, where is is all “Don’t say that Shiryu ! We must think that we have still 9 hours to save Saori !” and moments later he seems to be ignoring his own advice saying “that’s not a lot” (Could be also something lost in translation tho)

And with this sort of influence on other people, he finally becomes a crucial character to the story, as he becomes the glue to the team without which it is possible the other bronzes would not have been as solid of a team, maybe even disbanding as the challenges they faced seemed often hopeless.

And with that I think I am ready to write something involving Seiya someday ...

#fair warning : #this blog is in serious danger of becoming a compilation of the owner's monologues #hello procrastination my old friend #seriouly tho these other fandoms seem to have such interesting or funny meta discussions #oh well

[ganymedesclock]

I think one of my biggest issues with a certain amount of fanon around Lotor is that even if you count Lotor as an antagonist- which you can make a good argument for- he’s clearly measured with a different standard than other antagonists.

For example people really like to use the term “murderer” when they’re trying to shut down any insinuation that Lotor could be a good person. In my experience this often involves ascribing kills to Lotor that he didn’t actually do or that are very shaky.

For example? Zethrid’s comment that they tried to send ships into the rift, and the vessels exploded, which was “fun for me, not fun for your pilots.” I’ve seen this interpreted as “Lotor sent people into the rift to their deaths.”

We have to consider with very rare exceptions, the smaller fighter ships that both the empire and Lotor uses? Are piloted by robots. And what we see of Lotor’s subordinates in s4e3 shows us mostly drones- maybe a handful of actual flesh-and-blood galra. And it’s fair to assume it’s not those galra who are being sent out in fighter ships by Lotor- otherwise in s3e2 the paladins committed a massacre and they are our Y7 show heroes so that’s not a thing.

And even if I was a fan of your conclusion, you have to recognize that “these ships that we have a single line of reference to definitely contained real people when it’s very likely in this setting they didn’t, and Lotor definitely sent a large number of those people to their death when he’s not known to attempt the same thing futilely over and over and he doesn’t appear to have that many followers to sacrifice.”

You could make a much better argument for the two fleets that Acxa called in at the end of s3e3 to cover Lotor’s escape, which we know were manned by living people, but even then, given Voltron was the killing weapon, I’d hesitate to make that your triumphant stand of “this proves that Acxa’s a rotten person and by connection, Lotor”.

Yes, Lotor has killed. Raht, Narti, and Zarkon. (it’s also possible that he killed his first opponent in the gladiatorial ring in s3e1) All three individuals, to his understanding, posed an immediate threat to his own life.

The most ambiguous and nasty case in this one is definitely Narti- there are other ways Lotor could have handled that situation. Narti was not a willing spy- Haggar set her up and Lotor cut her down. S5e6 analyzes this thinking, however, and frames it as:

Lotor tends to self-sabotage...

...Via his incredible difficulty trusting others and tendency to assume that anything opposing him at the moment must hate him and want him to die...

...Which is almost definitely rooted in the trauma he disclosed to Allura that would mean he doesn’t have healthy emotional connections to draw from the idea that people don’t all inevitably hate him.

As an audience, a certain amount of us do have a reflex of “C’mon dude, Narti is your friend. She wouldn’t do that to you. Can’t you see that she needs help, not your sword in her chest?” because we’re detached, we have more information than he does, and we have an emotional investment in seeing Narti get that help.

And the white lion is used narratively to show us that it’s not an isolated incident and it had nothing to do with Narti personally- it’s Lotor’s problem. When the point of the lion trial is you have to realize the attacking beast won’t hurt you and isn’t your enemy, Lotor literally can’t win because everything he has ever known has taught him that he doesn’t have friends. At best, he has people who he’s useful to, and as soon as he’s not useful, they will turn on him.

And I feel like this is about the point people’s eyes glaze over because “come on Clockie I don’t care about Lotor’s sad backstory I care about the fact that he killed someone” but my point is these things are relevant.

Because otherwise it sure looks weird and inconsistent how after Narti and Zarkon both, Lotor goes really quiet, nearly unresponsive, and in the case of Narti, spends a long time genuinely not planning for his future at all that we can tell.

For me, the entirety of s4e5 and s4e6 is a huge red flag that Lotor didn’t want to do that. He did it, yes, because see the three points that are clarified for us in s5e6- but there’s a lot of difference between Lotor killing Narti and the way that Zarkon has Prorok disposed of in s2e1.

Lotor versus Narti, the team is in danger, he has seconds to make up his mind because if he’s wrong they’ll never shake their pursuers and any safe haven they seek out is going to be compromised, they’re on a ship under attack and everybody is panicking.

Zarkon versus Prorok, nothing is going on, it’s an ordinary Tuesday at the office, there is no pressure besides the vague, if he doesn’t catch a spy it might happen again, and there’s also no misunderstanding- Prorok immediately and clearly protests, and by the time Haggar’s carrying out his execution in s2e3, they know that Prorok isn’t even the guilty party. And Haggar makes it clear she just really doesn’t care.

And I mean there’s also the fact that we can list three people that Lotor killed (or had killed, in Raht’s case, the torn edge on his severed prosthetic suggest to me that Zethrid was at least involved) by name.

It’s flat-out disingenuous to insist Lotor’s three-man kill count is directly comparable to, oh, say, the two different inhabited planets Zarkon has been attributed with razing and conducting genocide on the inhabitants of (Altea in s1e1, the unnamed colony in s5e6) and his policies of torture, imprisonment in awful conditions, extended slavery, and carelessly disposing of his subordinates for, again, crimes they didn’t commit, would tell us that there are a huge number of other deaths on Zarkon’s head.

When, surprise surprise, all of those systems are things that Lotor would either have no need of the way he operates, or is shown to actively dislike. Taking new planets? He’d rather talk to them and even if he’s taking what he wants at swordpoint, he genuinely didn’t want to hurt the Puigians any more than bare minimum necessary and his soldiers went in under orders to kill no one. They didn’t even cause any property damage.

The system imperialism which relies on the galra owning everybody else? Lotor wants to dismantle it by giving power back to the occupied people (s3e1 and s3e2). 

(I have. seen too many people call Lotor an unapologetic imperialist when the one time he confesses he was interested in keeping a colony, he was put in charge of it by Zarkon and did everything he could to familiarize himself with the local culture and create good diplomatic rapport and not hurt their planet for his own exploitation. 

And Zarkon said “no” and burnt it down and didn’t put Lotor in power again, in which case it doesn’t matter how sincere Lotor is, the reason why Lotor hasn’t made progress dismantling the empire in the last ten thousand years was because Zarkon was using his much greater influence and power to make sure Lotor had nothing to show for his work)

Even the racism at the heart of the empire’s destructive policies, a point is made time and time again that Lotor very strongly lives and perceives himself as a mixed-race galra first. Most of his public appearances to the empire’s elite (s3e1 and s5e4) come with people hurling slurs, racist rhetoric, and death threats at him.

Even Lotor’s interest in the rift has a very different context than Zarkon and Honerva’s fascination with it if you consider the latter were experimenting with it in the heart of a populated planet that withered and died because of their work, they not only left it wide open but worked to make it bigger, and ignored the dangerous creatures living in there as well as the averse effect that it was having on, again, the heartland of the galra empire.

Lotor’s interest in the rift is as a way to decisively break the imperial system once and for all by basically flooding the market with so much quintessence nobody will ever need to forcibly take it from other planets and Zarkon’s system will be financially worthless. Which might sound callous unless you consider Lotor is going to need a callous argument since you can’t take someone like Throk and sit them down through the annotated power point of “Today, I will explain to you why you should care if other people are suffering.”

And the first thing Lotor does with the rift is basically put such a dense mechanical lock on it that he can’t actually figure out how to get in there himself. He’s building countermeasures for things that he quite possibly doesn’t even know about (the rift creature) with this.

But not only does Zarkon have a massive kill count, if you look at Zarkon killing Alfor, Trigel, Gyrgan and Blaytz, and compare that to Lotor killing Narti...

Lotor struck Narti down quickly under duress, and when it became clear the other generals were also betraying him, Lotor specifically chose not to kill them as well even though that left him in a very bad place tactically- it ended up meaning that now Haggar has one of the two Sincline ships, the one that had tested and proven itself as able to hold off Voltron in single combat, and the generals know about the rift gate, and they’re all devastatingly powerful fighters.

Sure, Acxa and Ezor might have been able to fight him off, but Lotor could have at least shot Zethrid off the hull of the first Sincline ship and they wouldn’t have been able to do anything to stop him. But Lotor even basically tells them to take care of themselves before he leaves and has shown no interest hunting them down afterwards.

Because “hunting them down” is exactly what Zarkon did to his old team. Even when the only threat Alfor posed to him was that if he insisted on continuing to selfishly chase the rift that he didn’t need (Honerva was alive again, so even his initial reason wasn’t there)- and Zarkon’s basic first act of reanimation was to declare war on Altea.

Which is contrasted by this shot, which would sure seem to suggest that the reason why his people were still alive and there to hear him was because Altea took them in as refugees after the destruction of Daibazaal.

Zarkon planned, carefully, and made up his mind and went and hunted down all four paladins and killed them. If there’s barely a handful of living Alteans left after the destruction of its home planet, even though they were advanced spacefaring people, it’d suggest that Zarkon deliberately hunted down the survivors, and both his attitudes towards Allura in s1e1 and the way he talks about being able to wipe Lotor out in s5e2 would sure line up with that.

So like... can we not suggest that the three people Lotor killed when two of the three of them he’s shown to be unhappy about are somehow analogous to Zarkon’s multiple counts of systematic genocide?

Even if you think Lotor’s an antagonist, he’s not as bad as Zarkon and he’s definitely not worse than Zarkon. And when most of our main antagonists in the setting are much closer to Zarkon’s level (Haggar’s also a planet-killer via the Komar and her plan at Naxzela would have wiped out a large number of inhabited planets, Sendak makes a comment about invading Earth specifically because of the paladins’ resistance against him) Lotor stands out as a guy who’s moral enough that the paladins, including Shiro- a man of very potent personal morals- find him palatable company.

#voltron legendary defender #vld #Lotor #Zarkon #readmore

[scratchface]

A guide to making Yusaku not avoid you

aka Part 3 of the Yusaku character analysis

So, breakdawn-avenue asked, triggering this whole massive series: “have you ever received an ask about Yusaku’s character development? like the one you got for Revolver / Ryoken’s development? because I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that Yusaku, who was kind of pushing people away in season 1 (looking at Blue Angel and Go Onizuka, finds Naoki seemingly annoying as frigg), to not get in his way (of revenge), now accepts Takeru (all of a sudden, seemingly) allying with him to go after Haru’s group (and retrieve Jin’s conscious)”

We’ve covered Yusaku’s isolation and how he’s pretty much holding out for his special person, and we’ve covered who Yusaku is and why he’s like this. Now we’re finally ready to answer the question: why does Yusaku accept Takeru, when he’s never wanted to deal with the others? 

Well, Takeru did everything right, where the others goofed up. In actuality, for Yusaku, it was probably a no-brainer, and here’s why!

We already established Yusaku’s evolving approval and disapproval to involving others in his business, starting with his need to do things on his own to the accepting that others want to fight, to watching others fail, and the ultimate discarding of his hesitation and the no doubt uncomfortable knowledge that when if he’s asked to chose between his mission and a person’s life, he should chose the mission every time. All the more reason to push others away.

But enter Takeru, who gets accepted as a partner relatively easily. 

There are three keys to Yusaku’s favor. I call these the impression, the interview, and the resume.

1. The first impression a person makes on Yusaku.

The show establishes from the get-go how important first impressions are to Yusaku; within 5 minutes of meeting Naoki, Yusaku has analyzed him completely. The final conclusion is important: Yusaku deems that Naoki is not a bad guy. Considering Yusaku’s history and the dangerous life he leads, it’s highly likely Yusaku does this to everyone he meets in order to judge if they are a threat.

Aoi, Go, Ema, and Akira make some very poor first impressions:

Aoi, running away from Hanoi, establishing herself as someone that needs rescue. Then, both desperate for the spotlight, Aoi and Go challenge Yusaku and makes asses of themselves.

Imagine you’re a cyber-vigilante, just had a major victory over a dangerous enemy threatening the entire game, and at the end of the battle wrestler and an idol jump in you face screaming “Fight me!!!”. Unsurprisingly, Yusaku is not amused. Aoi then fails the IRL first impression as well, establishing that she’s not going to be useful as a source of info on SOL. And useful is absolutely what Yusaku is looking for.

Then Go and Aoi try to set themselves up as rivals for Playmaker. To Yusaku, Aoi and Go = antagonistic right from the start. Then Yusaku first meets Ema when she sets up a trap for him and gives him over to Akira to be tortured, which establishes her as untrustworthy and Akira as unreasonable. Ema and Akira = antagonistic.

There’s a pattern here. All the minor characters of season 1 established themselves as antagonistic to Yusaku from the get go, and while Yusaku easily forgives anyone not associated with the Hanoi, that doesn’t mean he forgets. From the start, these characters are already too unreliable and aggressive towards him to be considered trustworthy. Let’s say it takes a shit ton of rapport to be Yusaku’s friend, like maybe encouraging him for six months and saving his life and giving him the strength to survive. These guys all start with, like, negative rapport.

And these first impressions set their roles for season 2, as well. If you look where everyone stood early in season 1 and compare them to season 2, you find their allegiances are all nearly identical: Yusaku is on his own side, and the other’s are on SOL’s, either by hire or through their loyalty to Akira.

Now, contrast Takeru’s introduction scene to the other’s.

The first impression? Takeru nailed it. At a time when Yusaku really needed a hand, Takeru popped up and offered to take the heat off his back and allowed him to refocus on the mission at hand with zero catch. Not only was what Takeru did helpful, it was helpful in a way that is personally significant to Yusaku. Yusaku has shown in the past that the way to earn his gratitude is to not try and complete his mission for him (like Akira tried to), but to support him in a way that allows him to complete the mission easier (like Go, when he fought Revolver and revealed Mirror Force). That’s exactly what Takeru’s first impression comes down to, and leads us to the second key.

2. Don’t get in-between Yusaku and the mission, aka the interview

Once again, all the other characters failed this, really bad. They have continually interfered with, hampered, and questioned Yusaku’s mission. This is absolutely a guaranteed way to piss Yusaku off, and makes them unappealing as allies.

They also continue to be antagonistic, even on the occasions they are trying to help. After their less than stellar introduction, Go and Aoi start messing with the mission by challenging Yusaku and working with SOL and (unwillingly) Hanoi. Aoi is particularly insistent that she will “be the one to beat Playmaker!”; for Aoi, that’s just a matter of her pride and getting attention, but dueling is very different for Yusaku. For Yusaku, a loss would probably be completely debilitating and endanger his ability to complete his mission, his last resort in a lifetime of misery. This mindset doesn’t exactly endear Aoi to Yusaku. 

In fact, Yusaku has little to no reason to even like these people (except, maybe Go), let alone trust them. 

But the only one’s Yusaku hates are Hanoi. Yusaku wants to keep a “friendly” relationship with them all (which means they stay out of his way), but they all make that very difficult. Remember when the Tower of Hanoi becomes a thing, and how everyone thought, finally, they’re a team? But that team-up was a disaster: I have a whole post about how Aoi and Go hindered Yusaku. Not only were they unhelpful, but they got killed, and in doing so, justified Yusaku’s choice to work alone.

Yusaku blatantly pointed out that he didn’t want to involved others in their quest lest they get themselves killed. And that’s exactly what happened. That’s part of the reason why Aoi’s offense at being rejected is so ridiculous: if anything, their previous interactions have given Yusaku less reason to work with Aoi and Akira, not more.

Now, again consider Takeru.

Takeru’s IRL first impression is just as strong, compared to say, Aoi’s. He presents himself openly and almost professionally, focusing on the matter of the Ignis, the Incident, and the destruction of the Cyberse. Right from the start, he establishes that he’s an ally and then backs it up. Then, he and Flame give Yusaku plenty of information about himself and his motivations, leading to eventually asking for help. This is, like, the textbook technique for building rapport with someone you just met and want to work with you. 

And they respect that Yusaku has different priorities. After establishing that their goals coincide, Takeru’s focus on the mission no doubt appealed to Yusaku.

He shows he can prioritize and is invested in the task, which is something Yusaku clearly shows he admires about Kusanagi and therefore looks for in his partnerships.

Takeru’s not a burden, he never gets in the way, and he’s been on board from the moment they met. All of Yusaku’s current goals seemingly coincide with his. Takeru introduced himself as someone who wants to help, and can help. 

3. The history, aka the resume

To connect with Yusaku, you have to get over than goddamn abyss. That means you have to understand and know his pain, have felt the pain yourself.You have to be the one reaching out to Yusaku too, because Yusaku does not initiate connection. After all, we know it was not Yusaku that initiated his partnership with Kusanagi. If someone wants in, they have to both make the offer and back it up with real skills, such as Kusanagi. 

To be fair, Takeru might cheat the abyss, considering he’s also a victim. But when Yusaku and Takeru first make eye contact, we can hear a connection. Then Takeru mentions “confronting his life” which is something Yusaku understands. For Yusaku, the whole series has been about confronting his past and his destiny. 

These two can relate to each other in ways other’s don’t. Takeru clearly sees a lot of himself in Yusaku, saying “Like Playmaker, dueling was my life” and stuff like that. And when speaking with Blue Girl and Ghost Girl, Takeru feels comfortable speaking on behalf of Yusaku as well, without needing to confirm how he feels about SOL and the offer of help. These two feel like they can understand each other due to their shared trauma and suffering. 

And knowing Takeru’s pain, Yusaku can’t turn him away like the others. Takeru has just as much right to be involved as he does.

So Takeru was the one that suggested they work together, directly. He made the right impression, he brought the right resume, he aced the interview. Takeru got the “job” in a very logical way, just by building rapport with Yusaku and proving his dedication  and his value to the mission. For Yusaku, it really was an easy decision to make. But does he trust Takeru? I would argue that he doesn’t yet. 

Now, we’ve done Yusaku’s character and lack of friends in three parts. There’s just a few more questions.

Why did some of us think Yusaku would ever work with Go and Aoi and the others anyway, and why was that wrong?

Because, often in YuGiOh, dueling makes friends, and Vrains uses this expectation to mislead. It’s been a theme from as early as the first season, and has been pretty consistent since: Duel Monsters in a fun game, people enjoy dueling each other, they end up being friends. But Yusaku doesn’t like dueling, and he only wants to do it to fight Hanoi. And this is where Vrains plays with the audience’s expectations, starting with Go’s duel with Playmaker. Go forces Yusaku to duel him, something Yusaku is clearly not pleased about. But then Go goes out of his way to make the duel interesting for both the audience and his opponent, and earns a little of Yusaku’s respect, enough that Yusaku decides to see the duel through after all. From here we think the show will follow the same pattern as the others, because this seems like the start of Yusaku making friends and allies through dueling.

Outside of Vrains, the set up of the Duel Club further convinces the audience of this. We think, through his mission to investigate SOL through Akira and Aoi and how it takes him to the Duel Club, that this will be how Yusaku makes friends IRL. Aoi even comes to talk to him. 

And then Vrains reminds us that Yusaku doesn’t give a shit about any of that, and that friends is absolutely not the goal here: Yusaku is only focused on the mission. 

Is Yusaku lonely? Yes and no. It’s complicated. Yusaku doesn’t want friends, he wants a specific friend.

Ever since Ryoken crossed the abyss ten years ago, he’s been number 1 in Yusaku’s life. Yusaku has been dreaming of his voice for ten years, searching for a person he never even saw, and relies of his memory to get through his life. The special person is Yusaku’s answer to his problems of needing help, of being lonely, of having a friend. 

Nobody else in the series even competes. Considering the messy, nasty interactions Yusaku has had with them all, it’s no surprise not even the Tower of Hanoi could forge a friendship between them. And even if the other characters hadn’t failed the key steps, they probably still wouldn’t get far with Yusaku, because Yusaku has been reserving all that for one person.

Will Takeru be able to change that? 

#vrains #yugioh vrains #yusaku fujiki #fujiki yusaku #vrainalysis #ygo

[paleorecipecookbook]

What Is Functional Medicine?

What is Functional Medicine? It’s true healthcare. Functional Medicine is a distinct medical model—separate and, as you’ll come to learn, vastly different from the conventional approach—one that promotes wellness and helps both prevent and treat chronic disease, the biggest health problem we face today. Although its concepts are not new, in this way, its approach is revolutionary. Functional Medicine is the future of medicine.

That all sounds wonderful, you may be thinking, but how exactly does it work, and what does it look like in practice, for patients and practitioners? You’re about to get some answers to those very important questions. Consider yourself enrolled in Functional Medicine 101.

Functional Medicine is the future of medicine, plain and simple. Find out how it differs from the conventional medical model and why it’s our best weapon in the fight against chronic disease. #functionalmedicine #unconventionalmedicine #kresserinstitute

What Is Functional Medicine? And How Does It Differ from the Conventional Approach?

Imagine you’re on a boat, and the boat is leaking. You can bail water from the boat so it sinks more slowly, but if the leaks are still there, you’ll have limited success in trying to stay afloat. The conventional medicine approach is mostly focused on bailing water out of the boat without fixing the leaks. But wouldn’t it make more sense to prevent the leaks from happening in the first place, and then fix them completely if they do spring up? There might still be the need to bail some water initially, but if the leaks get repaired, the boat becomes steadied. Eventually, there’s no more bailing required, and the sailing—or living—can resume (and it may be better than before). This is what Functional Medicine is all about.

Of course, that’s just a broad-strokes picture. To help you better understand Functional Medicine, let’s move beyond the metaphor and further compare and contrast the practice with conventional medicine.

Functional Medicine Conventional Medicine Health-oriented Disease-oriented Collaborative, patient-centered model Expert, doctor-centered model Biochemical individuality Everyone treated the same way Cost-effective Expensive Relieves symptoms by addressing cause Suppresses symptoms with drugs Preventative approach Early detection of disease High-touch and high-tech High-tech

Functional Medicine Is Health Oriented, Not Disease Oriented

Conventional medicine isn’t really healthcare—it’s disease management. Rather than optimize wellness through preventive and restorative lifestyle strategies, it focuses on managing illness once it has already occurred, primarily by suppressing symptoms with prescription drugs.

For example, if you have high blood pressure and you see a conventional physician, you’ll be given a drug to lower it. There’s rarely any investigation into what caused your hypertension in the first place. And even if lifestyle interventions are recommended, pharmaceuticals remain the primary treatment because the system isn’t set up to support you in those changes.

We can see this clearly in the following startling statistics:

Research suggests that more than half of all Americans take at least one prescription drug, with some estimates as high as 70 percent; many in this group regularly take between two and four medications. (1, 2)

Between 1988 and 2010, the number of older adults taking more than five prescription medications tripled, from 12.8 percent to 39 percent. (3)

More than 20 percent of children under the age of 18 take at least one prescription drug every month, including antidepressants and even opioids. (4, 5, 6)

Although there is certainly a time and place for prescription medication, there are several fundamental problems with basing our healthcare system almost entirely on drugs. (Not to mention, they’re expensive and add to the ever-ballooning cost of treating chronic disease conventionally, a figure that could top $47 trillion globally by 2030.) (7)

Drugs rarely address the underlying cause of a health problem.

They don’t just mask symptoms; they also suppress bodily functions, including vital ones. Thus, they can actually worsen a problem over time.

Drugs often correct one imbalance by causing another, or several others, resulting in side effects. Often, the unintended effects of a drug far outnumber its intended effects.

By treating disease with medications that mask symptoms and cause side effects in the process, the conventional care model creates patients for life. Conversely, Functional Medicine promotes health. As Functional Medicine practitioners, we aim to prevent disease from happening in the first place, and when it does, we seek to reverse it completely by investigating and then treating its underlying cause. You can think of Functional Medicine clinicians as “health detectives.” We support patients to recover their functions, so they can “graduate” from care and get back to living their lives.

How? We don’t start by looking for diseases and syndromes and collecting the evidence of signs and symptoms, but rather by first evaluating a patient’s genes and environment, including their diet, lifestyle, air and water quality, and so on. Why? We know that our modern diet, lifestyle, and environment change the expression of our genes—changes that give rise to diseases and syndromes.

It’s Patient Centered, Not Doctor Centered

In Functional Medicine, patients are encouraged to play an active and engaged role in their treatment because we recognize that behavior is one of the biggest, if not the biggest, contributors to chronic disease. In contrast, in conventional medicine, the doctor is the “expert” who provides the answers, which the patient passively receives.

As I’ve already shared, Functional Medicine treats the patient, not the disease. But more importantly, it treats the individual patient. Functional Medicine is not a one-size-fits-all approach: patients with the same problem may get a completely different treatment based on the particular origin and development of their condition. In a conventional model, patients with the same diagnosis often get the same treatment, despite differences in their presentation—a treatment that may not work well for them.

In order to provide such individualized treatment, Functional Medicine uses what I call “high-touch,” as well as high-tech, tactics. If you’re my patient, I’ll talk with you in depth, listen to you, and learn about your background during our visits, something that’s not possible in conventional care where most practitioners spend their days working through a series of rushed, almost-scripted, 10-minute appointments, rarely able to go below the surface level of a health issue.

Functional Medicine Is Holistic, Not Specialized

In conventional medicine, there’s a doctor for every part of the body, but these specialists infrequently, if ever, consult with each other. That’s because conventional medicine actually views the body as a collection of separate parts.

In Functional Medicine, we see the body as it is: an interconnected whole within a larger environment. We recognize that this perspective is needed to uncover the interrelated causes of underlying disease and chronic illness and to find the right tools, at the right time, individualized for each person. To treat one part of the body, all other parts must also be considered.

Speaking of tools, Functional Medicine is integrative, meaning that it uses the best tools from both the conventional and holistic worlds. While we typically start our work with diet, lifestyle, and behavior modifications, nutritional supplements, and botanicals, we don’t rule out medications or even surgery when necessary.

Why We Need Functional Medicine

We’re in the midst of a chronic disease epidemic. It’s hard to overstate just how serious this problem is. In fact, I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to suggest that our very survival as a species is at stake.

Six in 10 U.S. adults have a chronic disease, while four in 10 suffer with two or more chronic conditions. (8)

Seven of the current top 10 causes of death are chronic diseases, including Alzheimer’s and diabetes, and chronic disease is responsible for seven out of every 10 deaths each year. (9, 10)

Nearly six million Americans are currently living with Alzheimer’s, a number expected to reach nearly 14 million by 2050; the disease kills more people than breast cancer and prostate cancer combined. (11)

More than 100 million Americans—nearly one in three—have either prediabetes or diabetes, the seventh-leading cause of death, while some 50 million citizens have an autoimmune disease. (12, 13)

As is apparent from these numbers, chronic disease is now the biggest threat to our longevity. Conventional medicine can only manage this slow-motion plague; it can’t stop and reverse it. Indeed, as I’ve written before, it was never designed to. It was historically, and remains to this day, structured to address trauma, acute infection, and end-of-life care, not to keep people healthy. Don’t get me wrong—it’s incredibly effective in these instances; if I get hit by a bus, I definitely want to be taken to a hospital. But it is hardly a powerful weapon in our fight against chronic disease. Unlike acute problems, chronic diseases aren’t simply solved. They can’t be cured with conventional medicine’s Band-Aid approach, that is, drugs and other symptom-suppressing strategies that may not even bring relief, much less a resolution.

It’s important to note here that just as the conventional approach doesn’t promote health in its patients, neither does it foster wellness in its practitioners.

A growing number of clinicians who started in conventional medicine are making their way to a Functional Medicine approach because, to put it plainly, the current system leaves them feeling burned out. If you’re a conventional practitioner and you’ve experienced disillusionment in your work, you’re certainly not alone. But shifting to a Functional Medicine model will allow you to provide the high level of care that drew you to medicine years ago.

Why It Works: The Functional Medicine Pyramid

Functional Medicine can stop and reverse chronic disease. As I briefly mentioned earlier, practitioners almost always begin evaluation and treatment with the foundational layer of the Functional Medicine Pyramid: diet, lifestyle, and environment. We start here because we know from clinical experience and research that these are the areas likely to have the biggest impact on the broadest range of conditions. We know from hard evidence that the mismatch between modern diet, lifestyle, and environment and our basic human biology is the primary driver of chronic disease. What our bodies need, biologically speaking, is not what our bodies get in the modern world. But when we align with these needs by consuming an ancestral diet and living a more ancestral lifestyle, our bodies respond—they heal.

That’s right, there’s science behind this approach, despite the pervasive myth that conventional medicine is “evidence-based” and Functional Medicine is not. Rest assured, if a Functional Medicine clinician tells you to reduce your exposure to artificial light in order to help manage your stress, reduce your risk of disease, or even address issues like diabetes and obesity, it’s because there’s research that supports that connection.

From Resistance to Revolution: Moving into the Mainstream?

Functional Medicine offers a methodology for addressing the root cause of chronic disease so patients can get well—and stay well—without unnecessary drugs and surgery. Sounds good, right? So why isn’t everybody already practicing this way?

The famous saying goes: “All truth passes through three stages: First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.” For a while, Functional Medicine was ignored. More recently, some large conventional organizations have issued statements about Functional Medicine, a sign that it’s gaining traction. Although it isn’t yet mainstream, many caregivers acknowledge this new medical approach as the self-evident solution to the current broken conventional model.

The success of the Cleveland Clinic Center for Functional Medicine, where Dr. Mark Hyman is clinical director, has opened the eyes of many, including healthcare professionals who once doubted the potential of this medical model. The Cleveland Clinic is regarded as a prestigious medical institution, often on the forefront of the newest treatments, therapies, and diagnostic procedures.

But it’s not just “the experts” who are talking more about Functional Medicine; more patients who want their healthcare experience to be true healthcare are also seeking it out. Cleveland Clinic has a waiting list thousands of patients long. My own clinic, California Center for Functional Medicine (CCFM), has grown to include clinicians, a nurse practitioner, a health coach, nutritionists, and an administrative staff in order to meet the growing need. And increasingly, more practitioners all over the country are discovering that Functional Medicine holds the real answers—and more healthy benefits—for their patients.

Functional Medicine 201: Your Next Steps

I hope this article has adequately answered the question it began with and provided you with a good overview of this revolutionary approach to medicine. That said, there’s much more ground to cover. Want to dig deeper?

Prospective patients:

Check out my podcast, “RHR: Bringing Functional Medicine to the Masses – with Dr. Rangan Chatterjee.”

Ready to visit a Functional Medicine clinic? Use our directory to find practitioners near you.

Prospective practitioners:

Check out a recent episode of my Revolution Health Radio podcast on building a career in Functional Medicine.

See if the Kresser Institute’s ADAPT Practitioner Training Program is right for you.

Pick up a copy of my book, Unconventional Medicine.

Do you or does someone you love have a chronic disease? Have you considered a Functional Medicine approach before? Comment below and share your story.

The post What Is Functional Medicine? appeared first on Chris Kresser.

Source: http://chriskresser.com January 18, 2019 at 01:27AM

#paleo #recipe #food #delicious #healthy #yum #diet

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

What are other books/series that you'd recommend that are in the same vein as Animorphs?

Honestly, your ask inspired me to get off my butt and finally compile a list of the books that I reference with my character names in Eleutherophobia, because in a lot of ways that’s my list of recommendations right there: I deliberately chose children’s and/or sci-fi stories that deal really well with death, war, dark humor, class divides, and/or social trauma for most of my character names.  I also tend to use allusions that either comment on Animorphs or on the source work in the way that the names come up.

That said, here are The Ten Greatest Animorphs-Adjacent Works of Literature According to Sol’s Totally Arbitrary Standards: 

1. A Ring of Endless Light, Madeline L’Engle

This is a really good teen story that, in painfully accurate detail, captures exactly what it’s like to be too young to really understand death while forced to confront it anyway.  I read it at about the same age as the protagonist, not that long after having suffered the first major loss in my own life (a friend, also 14, killed by cancer).  It accomplished exactly what a really good novel should by putting words to the experiences that I couldn’t describe properly either then or now.  This isn’t a light read—its main plot is about terminal illness, and the story is bookended by two different unexpected deaths—but it is a powerful one. 

2. The One and Only Ivan, K.A. Applegate 

This prose novel (think an epic poem, sort of like The Iliad, only better) obviously has everything in it that makes K.A. Applegate one of the greatest children’s authors alive: heartbreaking tragedy, disturbing commentary on the human condition, unforgettably individuated narration, pop culture references, and poop jokes.  Although I’m mostly joking when I refer to Marco in my tags as “the one and only” (since this book is narrated by a gorilla), Ivan does remind me of Marco with his sometimes-toxic determination to see the best of every possible situation when grief and anger allow him no other outlet for his feelings and the terrifying lengths to which he will go in order to protect his found family.

3. My Teacher Flunked the Planet, Bruce Coville

Although the entire My Teacher is an Alien series is really well-written and powerful, this book is definitely my favorite because in many ways it’s sort of an anti-Animorphs.  Whereas Animorphs (at least in my opinion) is a story about the battle for personal freedom and privacy, with huge emphasis on one’s inner identity remaining the same even as one’s physical shape changes, My Teacher Flunked the Planet is about how maybe the answer to all our problems doesn’t come from violent struggle for personal freedoms, but from peaceful acceptance of common ground among all humans.  There’s a lot of intuitive appeal in reading about the protagonists of a war epic all shouting “Free or dead!” before going off to battle (#13) but this series actually deconstructs that message as blind and excessive, especially when options like “all you need is love” or “no man is an island” are still on the table.

4. Moon Called, Patricia Briggs

I think this book is the only piece of adult fiction on this whole list, and that’s no accident: the Mercy Thompson series is all about the process of adulthood and how that happens to interact with the presence of the supernatural in one’s life.  The last time I tried to make a list of my favorite fictional characters of all time, it ended up being about 75% Mercy Thompson series, 24% Animorphs, and the other 1% was Eugenides Attolis (who I’ll get back to in my rec for The Theif).  These books are about a VW mechanic, her security-administrator next door neighbor, her surgeon roommate, her retail-working best friend and his defense-lawyer boyfriend, and their cybersecurity frenemy.  The fact that half those characters are supernatural creatures only serves to inconvenience Mercy as she contemplates how she’s going to pay next month’s rent when a demon destroyed her trailer, whether to get married for the first time at age 38 when doing so would make her co-alpha of a werewolf pack, what to do about the vampires that keep asking for her mechanic services without paying, and how to be a good neighbor to the area ghosts that only she can see.  

5. The Thief, Megan Whalen Turner

This book (and its sequel A Conspiracy of Kings) are the ones that I return to every time I struggle with first-person writing and no Animorphs are at hand.  Turner does maybe the best of any author I’ve seen of having character-driven plots and plot-driven characters.  This book is the story of five individuals (with five slightly different agendas) traveling through an alternate version of ancient Greece and Turkey with a deceptively simple goal: they all want to work together to steal a magical stone from the gods.  However, the narrator especially is more complicated than he seems, which everyone else fails to realize at their own detriment. 

6. Homecoming, Cynthia Voight

Critics have compared this book to a modern, realistic reimagining of The Boxcar Children, which always made a lot of sense to me.  It’s the story of four children who must find their own way from relative to relative in an effort to find a permanent home, struggling every single day with the question of what they will eat and how they will find a safe place to sleep that night.  The main character herself is one of those unforgettable heroines that is easy to love even as she makes mistake after mistake as a 13-year-old who is forced to navigate the world of adult decisions, shouldering the burden of finding a home for her family because even though she doesn’t know what she’s doing, it’s not like she can ask an adult for help.  Too bad the Animorphs didn’t have Dicey Tillerman on the team, because this girl shepherds her family through an Odysseus-worthy journey on stubbornness alone.

7. High Wizardry, Diane Duane

The Young Wizards series has a lot of good books in it, but this one will forever be my favorite because it shows that weird, awkward, science- and sci-fi-loving girls can save the world just by being themselves.  Dairine Callahan was the first geek girl who ever taught me it’s not only okay to be a geek girl, but that there’s power in empiricism when properly applied.  In contrast to a lot of scientifically “smart” characters from sci-fi (who often use long words or good grades as a shorthand for conveying their expertise), Dairine applies the scientific method, programming theory, and a love of Star Wars to her problem-solving skills in a way that easily conveys that she—and Diane Duane, for that matter—love science for what it is: an adventurous way of taking apart the universe to find out how it works.  This is sci-fi at its best. 

8. Dr. Franklin’s Island, Gwyneth Jones

If you love Animorphs’ body horror, personal tragedy, and portrayal of teens struggling to cope with unimaginable circumstances, then this the book for you!  I’m only being about 80% facetious, because this story has all that and a huge dose of teen angst besides.  It’s a loose retelling of H.G. Wells’s classic The Island of Doctor Moreau, but really goes beyond that story by showing how the identity struggles of adolescence interact with the identity struggles of being kidnapped by a mad scientist and forcibly transformed into a different animal.  It’s a survival story with a huge dose of nightmare fuel (seriously: this book is not for the faint of heart, the weak of stomach, or anyone who skips the descriptions of skin melting and bones realigning in Animorphs) but it’s also one about how three kids with a ton of personal differences and no particular reason to like each other become fast friends over the process of surviving hell by relying on each other.  

9. Sideways Stories from Wayside School, Louis Sachar

Louis Sachar is the only author I’ve ever seen who can match K.A. Applegate for nihilistic humor and absurdist horror layered on top of an awesome story that’s actually fun for kids to read.  Where he beats K.A. Applegate out is in terms of his ability to generate dream-like surrealism in these short stories, each one of which starts out hilariously bizarre and gradually devolves into becoming nightmare-inducingly bizarre.  Generally, each one ends with an unsettling abruptness that never quite relieves the tension evoked by the horror of the previous pages, leaving the reader wondering what the hell just happened, and whether one just wet one’s pants from laughing too hard or from sheer existential terror.  The fact that so much of this effect is achieved through meta-humor and wordplay is, in my opinion, just a testament to Sachar’s huge skill as a writer. 

10. Magyk, Angie Sage

As I mentioned, the Septimus Heap series is probably the second most powerful portrayal of the effect of war on children that I’ve ever encountered; the fact that the books are so funny on top of their subtle horror is a huge bonus as well.  There are a lot of excellent moments throughout the series where the one protagonist’s history as a child soldier (throughout this novel he’s simply known as “Boy 412″) will interact with his stepsister’s (and co-protagonist’s) comparatively privileged upbringing.  Probably my favorite is the moment when the two main characters end up working together to kill a man in self-defense, and the girl raised as a princess makes the horrified comment that she never thought she’d actually have to kill someone, to which her stepbrother calmly responds that that’s a privilege he never had; the ensuing conversation strongly implies that his psyche has been permanently damaged by the fact that he was raised to kill pretty much from infancy, but all in a way that is both child-friendly and respectful of real trauma.  

#ya sf #book recs #sci fi #children's literature #animorphs #a ring of endless light #the one and only ivan #my teacher flunked the planet #moon called #the theif #homecoming #high wizardry #dr. franklin's island #sideways stories from wayside school #magyk

[eatordrinkme]

Speed Up Control Vital In Avoiding Car Mishaps

And also this is what commonly results in collisions. The impact is a lot more extreme if it leads to a crash. While the economic price of cars and truck crashes is astonishing, it's nothing contrasted to the psychological influence it can have on individuals that are directly influenced by a collision. It's approximated that in terms of financial loss as well as social injury, car crashes cost the UNITED STATE 23. Just how much do alcohol-related crashes set you back? 4. The amount of collisions include home damages just? Mostly, accidents involving damage to property are a lot more usual than those that result in fatalities or injuries. 14. What state reports the a lot of automobile accident fatalities? Presuming you have actually not borrowed to acquire the taxi after that an additional advantage is that in Uganda, cars are liked properties to make use of as security for obtaining owing to the fluidity of the made use of vehicle market. Seatbelt usage can reduce the probabilities of a mishap turning harmful, however it's not a guarantee. The data we found do have a positive side, nonetheless, given that the chances of being injured or killed in a mishap appear to be continuing a descending slide. They chatted for some time and she discovered him extremely eye-catching.

Research study recommends car accident happens 12 times regularly while speaking than texting. When a chauffeur slows an auto down too quickly, the vehicle driver in the cars and truck behind oftentimes does not have sufficient time to decrease or stop as well as runs right into the back of the automobile in the lead. In 2013, impaired motorists were nearly four times as most likely to be included in a crash in the evening versus the daytime. In 2013, 32,719 people shed their lives in a cars and truck crash, which is 3.1% less than the previous year. Of the casualties that occurred in 2013, 73% of people who utilized restraints endured yet the staying 27% weren't so privileged. When driving drunk of alcohol results in a casualty, it's the individual behind the wheel who tends to pay the price. Based upon the most current data offered, it's estimated that a person is killed in a cars and truck mishap (where alcohol played a component) every 52 mins. After assessing the most recent vehicle crash data, we took a look at exactly how accident, injury as well as fatality rates have actually changed with time. Car Accident Fatality Photos and Story? 200,000 - Chicago Auto Accident. In 2013, 4,735 pedestrians were killed in an auto mishap and another 66,000 were harmed.

About 10,076 people were killed in alcohol-related accidents in 2013. These deaths represented 31% of all deadly car mishaps that were reported that year. While deaths as well as injuries are most usual amongst travelers as well as chauffeurs, those outside the vehicle are additionally in danger. Any great vehicle accident lawyer will certainly tell you that the most effective way to stay clear of needing his services is to do some research as well as locate a car that will maintain its passengers safe. When you report to your insurance providers, tell them the entire fact! As well as no person - however, for the entire business! When you've shed a loved one in a fatal cars and truck mishap, you have a right to expect settlement from the at-fault chauffeur's insurance provider. When it's time to offer your clinical documents to the insurance provider as proof, your personal injury lawyer will do so. The consequences of negligence when pedestrians exist can be awful, also dangerous. Driving while intoxicated can result in some severe legal repercussions if you end up obtaining drew over. While the majority of partners will undoubtedly concur that guys are a lot more aggressive drivers it may not be so apparent. Yes, some researchers believe the description for the majority of casualties amongst guys is associated with the hormones which produce hostile habits, however other variables compose the statistics.

While the variety of cars and truck accidents that happen annually is approaching, deaths are in fact on the decrease. Men have actually been shown to do 65% even more driving on an annual basis than ladies do while females tend to drive on much shorter journeys and have a lot more minor collisions than guys. Warning labels on numerous tablet bottles caution of the risks of running machinery while under their impact. Nonetheless, what is really sorrowful pertaining to these accidents is the truth that they have the same common causes, which are high speeds, driving intoxicated of alcohol or various other materials and also exhaustion driving. One of these actions is to reduce the allowable blood alcohol concentration (BAC) from 100 mg/dl to 80 mg/dl. 25 In 2016, 15 percent of vehicle drivers ages 15-20 who were involved in fatal crashes had a blood alcohol focus of 0.08 or higher. Thirty percent of casualties where alcohol was a factor took place on the weekend break, and 40% of those were reported between the hours of 6 pm and 5:59 am. In 2014, alcohol was a consider 6,815 accidents and also rate was a consider 14,495 mishaps. 15. Just how frequently is alcohol an element in traffic deaths?

Speed was supposedly an element in 9,613 of the fatal collisions that occurred in 2013. That's 29% of all casualties. 7. Just how commonly is rate an aspect in casualties? Using data from the National Highway Traffic Safety And Security Management and the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety And Security, we had the ability to assemble the 23 most unusual and also enlightening data on automobile accidents in the UNITED STATE 3. The amount of individuals are injured in automobile accidents? One more 2,313,000 individuals experienced some sort of injury about a vehicle crash in 2013. Compared to 2012, that's a reduction of 2.1%, or regarding 49,000 individuals. Thirty-five percent of all harmful mishaps including speed reported in 2013 happened along small roads. A total of 1,149 children aged 14 or younger died as a result of a web traffic crash in 2013. Roughly 200 of those deaths, or 17%, included a vehicle driver that suffered at the time the accident happened. If the various other motorist or chauffeurs leave the scene without providing details. February was the safest month for chauffeurs in 2013, with just 6% of all casualties reported. Texas reported the biggest share of fatal automobile mishaps involving an impaired chauffeur in 2013, with 1,337 fatalities.

It might show that a charge such as a penalty or reduction of factors has actually been or will certainly be assessed versus the chauffeur. According to the short article, the motorist experienced fatal trauma in the mishap and was sadly noticable deceased at the location. Motorcyclists had a somewhat smaller sized possibility of dying in an accident yet they were most likely to obtain harmed. Males have more traffic citations than ladies-- regarding 5% more-- definition males are extra likely to break the extremely laws meant to make the roadway a much safer area for all. Although numerous see these stats as backing up supposition that males are even worse vehicle drivers than ladies, it may not be that straightforward. Please make use of the button below to see just how else we can assist. 11. How does seatbelt usage affect crash fatalities? Utilize this cars and truck accident laws in Illinois manual to understand your legal rights and enhance your claim. If you were in an accident involving three or even more vehicles, this can make complex the insurance policy claim settlement and also negotiation procedure as well as cause multiple legal actions. Remember that the insurance provider have groups of attorneys and insurers that begin evaluating your injury case as soon as possible. If it does not seem ideal (or reasonable), allow them recognize you would love to take a day and study points a little bit.

#crashed #car #compilation #accident #fatal #horrible #driver

[horrifiquement]

Speed Control Crucial In Protecting Against Vehicle Crashes

And also this is what often causes crashes. The influence is even more severe if it causes a mishap. While the financial cost of vehicle accidents is shocking, it's absolutely nothing contrasted to the emotional impact it can have on individuals who are straight impacted by an accident. It's approximated that in regards to economic loss and also social injury, auto crashes cost the UNITED STATE 23. Just how much do alcohol-related collisions set you back? 4. The number of accidents include home damages just? Mostly, crashes including damages to residential or commercial property are more common than those that lead to fatalities or injuries. 14. What state reports the many auto accident fatalities? Thinking you have not borrowed to acquire the taxi after that a further advantage is that in Uganda, lorries are favored assets to utilize as security for obtaining owing to the fluidity of the used automobile market. Seatbelt usage can reduce the odds of a crash transforming fatal, however it's not a guarantee. The stats we located do have a positive side, nevertheless, considering that the probabilities of being injured or eliminated in an accident seem to be continuing a descending slide. They spoke for some time as well as she located him extremely attractive.

Research suggests automobile accident occurs 12 times more frequently while chatting than texting. When a driver reduces an auto down also promptly, the driver in the automobile behind commonly times doesn't have adequate time to decrease or stop and also runs right into the rear of the vehicle in the lead. In 2013, damaged vehicle drivers were almost 4 times as likely to be associated with a mishap at night versus the daytime. In 2013, 32,719 individuals lost their lives in an auto collision, which is 3.1% much less than the previous year. Of the deadly accidents that happened in 2013, 73% of individuals that made use of restrictions made it through yet the continuing to be 27% weren't so fortunate. When driving under the impact of alcohol causes a deadly crash, it's the individual behind the wheel that has a tendency to pay the rate. Based on one of the most current information available, it's estimated that somebody is eliminated in a vehicle mishap (where alcohol played a component) every 52 minutes. After assessing the most recent automobile accident information, we took a look at exactly how mishap, injury as well as fatality rates have actually altered in time. Auto Accident Death Photos and Tale? 200,000 - Chicago Auto Crash. In 2013, 4,735 pedestrians were killed in a cars and truck accident and also one more 66,000 were hurt.

Roughly 10,076 individuals were killed in alcohol-related crashes in 2013. These deaths accounted for 31% of all deadly automobile crashes that were reported that year. While deaths and injuries are most common among guests and also vehicle drivers, those outside the vehicle are likewise at threat. Any kind of great cars and truck mishap attorney will certainly tell you that the finest way to stay clear of requiring his services is to do some research and locate an automobile that will certainly keep its travelers risk-free. When you report to your insurance providers, tell them the entire reality! As well as nobody - however, for the entire company! When you have actually shed an enjoyed one in a fatal vehicle crash, you have a right to expect compensation from the at-fault chauffeur's insurance business. When it's time to provide your medical documents to the insurance provider as evidence, your accident lawyer will certainly do so. The repercussions of negligence when pedestrians exist can be awful, also deadly. Driving while intoxicated can cause some major legal consequences if you wind up getting pulled over. While many better halves will undoubtedly agree that men are a lot more aggressive drivers it might not be so clear cut. Yes, some scientists believe the description for the better number of deaths amongst males is connected to the hormones which produce hostile behavior, yet other variables comprise the stats.

While the number of vehicle crashes that take place each year is slipping up, casualties are actually on the decline. Males have actually been revealed to do 65% more driving on an annual basis than ladies do while ladies often tend to drive on much shorter journeys and have a lot more minor collisions than guys. Caution labels on lots of pill containers caution of the dangers of running machinery while under their impact. Nevertheless, what is absolutely affecting regarding these accidents is the fact that they have the very same typical reasons, which are high rates, driving under the influence of alcohol or other compounds and tiredness driving. Among these actions is to decrease the allowable blood alcohol concentration (BAC) from 100 mg/dl to 80 mg/dl. 25 In 2016, 15 percent of drivers ages 15-20 who were associated with fatal crashes had a blood alcohol focus of 0.08 or greater. Thirty percent of casualties where alcohol was a factor occurred on the weekend break, and also 40% of those were reported between the hours of 6 pm as well as 5:59 am. In 2014, alcohol was an element in 6,815 crashes as well as speed was a variable in 14,495 accidents. 15. How often is alcohol a consider web traffic fatalities?

Rate was supposedly a factor in 9,613 of the fatal accidents that took place in 2013. That's 29% of all casualties. 7. Exactly how typically is rate a factor in fatal crashes? Using data from the National Highway Web Traffic Security Management and also the Insurance Institute for Freeway Safety, we were able to assemble the 23 most unexpected as well as revealing statistics on motor automobile accidents in the UNITED STATE 3. Just how lots of individuals are injured in motor automobile mishaps? An additional 2,313,000 people experienced some kind of injury about an auto mishap in 2013. Compared to 2012, that's a reduction of 2.1%, or about 49,000 individuals. Thirty-five percent of all lethal crashes entailing rate reported in 2013 occurred along small roadways. A total amount of 1,149 youngsters aged 14 or more youthful passed away as an outcome of a website traffic mishap in 2013. Around 200 of those deaths, or 17%, involved a driver who was damaged at the time the accident took place. If the various other vehicle driver or motorists leave the scene without providing information. February was the best month for drivers in 2013, with simply 6% of all casualties reported. Texas reported the largest share of deadly auto mishaps involving a damaged driver in 2013, with 1,337 deaths.

It may show that a charge such as a fine or deduction of points has actually been or will certainly be evaluated against the driver. Based on the write-up, the motorist suffered deadly trauma in the crash as well as was regretfully noticable deceased at the location. Motorcyclists had a slightly smaller possibility of dying in an accident yet they were much more most likely to obtain hurt. Males have more website traffic citations than females-- about 5% more-- definition males are a lot more likely to damage the really laws indicated to make the road a much safer place for all. Although numerous see these data as supporting supposition that men are even worse drivers than women, it might not be that simple. Please utilize the switch listed below to see exactly how else we can help. 11. Exactly how does seat belt usage affect crash casualties? Utilize this auto crash regulations in Illinois manual to understand your legal civil liberties as well as reinforce your case. If you remained in a mishap including three or more vehicles, this can make complex the insurance coverage claim negotiation and also settlement process and result in multiple legal actions. Remember that the insurance provider have teams of lawyers as well as insurance adjusters who start examining your injury case right now. If it doesn't sound ideal (or reasonable), allow them know you 'd like to take a day and also study points a little bit.

#crashed #car #compilation #accident #fatal #horrible #driver