#am i aro

[aro-culture-is]

is there like. an actual way to know if you’re emotionally attached to someone or if youre feeling romantic attraction towards them. because im currently dating someone (who knows im arospec just doesnt know that im questioning fully aro) and i care about them, but saying i love them doesnt feel right?? its not that i DONT, but it just seems so.. romantic i guess?? i wouldnt mind doing “romantic things” with them but at the same time i dont know if thats just related to like queerplatonic attraction i guess?? AHG I JUST DONT KNOW 😭😭

unfortunately, it's up to you to decide how you interpret your feelings.

bearing in mind i'm an extremely STEM type of person, i personally find it comforting to recognize that we're trying to classify chemical brain soup into some distinct boxes, and there's going to just be some things that we interpret into a miscellaneous pile. it's like packing - yeah, ideally everything has One Place, but realistically? sometimes you just gotta put things where they come with you, perfect placement be damned. yeah, maybe it would be nice if - for example - you could easily sort hand lotion into either nighttime things, bathroom things, or things to carry with you... but sometimes it's just something that's going to be it's own mix of categories, and most folks who really care where you put it are micromanaging your life, not being helpful.

I can't tell you if what you're feeling is for sure romantic or platonic or queerplatonic or anything else - what i can tell you is that it doesn't have to matter unless you feel like it does. if you're uncomfortable with something, labeled or not, then that's something you can work on. maybe there's a boundary, a lesson, or a time to just simply say "this is uncomfortable," and let that be enough for you.

if saying "i love you" isn't your thing - maybe talk with your partner. you don't have to say everything right now! you could just say, "hey, I've been thinking recently and realized I don't really like saying that I love you. I think it's related to me being aro-spec. I was wondering if there are other ways I can help you feel loved/appreciated in our relationship while I'm thinking about this." hopefully, your partner will be understanding. if not, then hey, maybe it's time for a reevaluation anyways.

I know this isn't a nice, concrete "if A then B" formula, and that's frustrating. but I want you to know: you are not alone. there's so many folks in positions like you, and honestly, i'd be surprised if there isn't some sort of talking space specifically dedicated to folks questioning this kind of stuff. everything will be okay, no matter how you feel.

I hope this helps.

#not aro culture #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod axel #am i aro #these are always hard to answer ngl #as someone who never really questioned being aro after we finally read the definition #it's always been this way for us #but that's not the case for many folks! #it's just hard to answer as someone who never really questioned it

[seonghwasblr-moved]

I can't imagine sleeping next to someone every single day. Imagine having a hard time falling asleep, and as you're struggling, someone is just breathing heavily next to you. I would break up with them so fast

#maja talks #is this why I've never been even close to being in a relationship #am I aro

[just-aro]

ive recently realised that despite being drawn to women, i still have no interest in being in a relationship. does that make me aro? or is it not having any romantic desire what so ever? cos i daydream, certainly, but i dont want anything to actually happen in reality. im happy on my own. always hfjtmdkd

sounds like an aro-spec experience to me. you could consider yourself an oriented aro or oriented aroace, aro with some form of attraction to women you don't describe in your label(s), cupioromantic, or many more things.

congrats on the identity, hope you enjoy it

#Anonymous #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod alexander #am i aro

[doublemegative]

not to be clingy but please put your entire body weight on me and lie there for a while. in a friend way

#oxytocin #does this count as aro content #am i aro #questions that belong in the tags for sure #i think if i lay on someone’s lap for a bit ill be cured

[transexualpirate]

ok fine im gonna take an online test about it

#uquiz or something #am i aro #mine #not to be taken seriously #personal

[confused-spood]

silently tapping away at my computer at 3am: how to know if asexua—

*door bursts open* BISEXUAL FBI WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED

NO I'M SORRY I WAS JUST CONFUSED

#Am I ace #Am I bi #Am I aro #wtf am i #No idea #Am I even still human #First time I'm experiencing this crisis cuz I've been bi ever since I got out of being straight

[firebonbon]

Hhhhh

#am I aro #it feels kinda right but also not #or maybe it’s denial lol

[godsrantsandthoughts]

What are you supposed to do if you are not sure if you want a romantic relationship or not?

Contemplate? Talk to someone? Talk to your partner?

#constant confusion #romantic??? #aromantic? #am i aro

[ale-arro]

been going a little bit insane about this sentence from Ace by Angela Chen for the past week

#replace this with any other type of significant relationship too #also! this book actually rules btw i really recommend it #i didnt read it when it first cane out bc i was like. well i am already pretty familiar with asexuality and not rly interested in 101 stuff #but it turns out it doesnt feel 101-y at all its a super awesome piece of queer theory and also chen has Good opinions #and not weird watered down ones that i am sometimes wary of in aspec communities (frankly especially ace ones) #i think maybe if more people approached asexuality the way chen does (including and maybe even especially ace people) #i would be more inclined to still ID as ace #but anyways! #aro #aromantic #<- tag selections that reflect how i personally engage with this quote #also #described in alt text #also also #j tag #:/ #aro media

[aro-culture-is]

Yo so I am confused. I can't tell if I'm aromantic or of I'm just terrified of other people. Like I love sex, big ole slut 10 out of 10, and my friendships are deep and expansive. But when someone wants to hold my hand or does I become physically nauseous. I've been like this since I was 17. I have had long term relationships where I was comfortable holding hands but that hasn't happened in 5 years. Non sexual affectionate touch makes me so uncomfortable and claustrophobic.

And in my past relationships where I did finally feel comfortable holding hands and cuddling, I have been cheated on, sa, given a sexual transmitted infection because my partner was cheating on me, promises never fulfilled, taken advantage of financially, ect.

How do I tell if I'm like this cause I don't trust people or because I'm aromantic? Do I need to heal more or is this not a changeable thing? How do people tell?

hi!

i think this is a fairly complex question, and the answer is going to be similarly complex. to start with, I'm glad that you are comfortable with your sexuality and know yourself so well! I am also so incredibly sorry that you have experienced the trauma of a bad relationship.

As far as your questions go: I think it's restrictive to phrase it as two options,

I am aromantic and not traumatized by other people

I am traumatized by other people and not aromantic.

I'd strongly encourage you to consider that it is not only possible, but entirely normal to be both aromantic and to have experienced trauma around other people, even to have become aromantic due to trauma, and that whether or not one "stops" being aromantic during trauma healing is generally a question as complex as the trauma itself.

I think the only way to know if trauma has influenced your orientation is to allow yourself the time and space to heal. If it is at all reasonable for you, find a therapist. The majority of individuals have had some level of traumatic histories, and it's really important to have a neutral 3rd party that can help you untangle your thoughts the way a therapist is trained to. If you find that you don't click with something about your therapist, practice articulating that to them. It's normal and expected that not every patient and therapist click, and you can absolutely ask to try something different, and failing that, transfer to a different individual.

Due to the complexity of trauma therapy, we can't offer you a simple answer, or a simple question to ask yourself. We grew up in an emotionally abusive family, and as we've learned to heal, we've become more and more certain in our aromantic identity. Others find themselves able to let others be closer, and may find themselves experiencing attraction in circumstances similar to or different from before their trauma. Others still will find themselves feeling stronger attraction than before their trauma, and may even accept that they may have repressed more attraction before the trauma they knew of. I can't tell you where you'll fall - only time, space, and patience will tell.

However it goes, I think it's valuable to enter therapy knowing it is normal to experience worries around trauma and its impacts on you, and it is likewise hard to admit that perhaps you've never really learned how to heal. Your therapist will likely ask your goal in therapy; don't worry about having a perfect answer. You can just as easily say "I am struggling with my identity due to past relationships, and I'd like to explore my identity without feeling so weighed down" as "Some thoughts have been weighing me down, and I don't know how to handle them. I'm hoping for help, and I don't know what that looks like yet." This isn't graded - this is just an initial chance to understand why you came in, and how you think.

the tldr really comes down to, "right now, you are probably aromantic and have trauma. With a therapist, you can work through that trauma and explore yourself without trauma weighing you down."

I hope this helps! this will be filed under both "am i aro" and "advice".

#Anonymous #not aro culture #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod kee #mod axel #am i aro #advice #trauma is hard and recovery is possible #long post

[charlieswebb]

the greeks believed that our souls were split in half so we have to find our missing pieces. but i feel full. my soul is complete. aromanticism allows the soul to stay together

#we need more representation of aros loving the fact that they’re aro #bc bro i am so happy and sometimes feel a bit too superior bc of the fact i don’t need a partner #aro #queer #aromantic #ace

[scarlct-vvitch]

i know i attract more ace followers than anything else lmao so y'all better show up for this one

#i dont really think i would but i am also aro which changes things lol #but i didnt include romance in this #anyway im always curious abt the ace spectrum #it fascinates me #mostly bc i dont understand it at all and yet i am on it #the struggle #ace #asexuality #asexual #ace spectrum #lgbtqia #polls #i like making polls way too much

[just-aro]

Recently, I had a lot more crushes (I'm aro and gay). My fantasy involves me and the other person playing chess, talking, swimming in lakes, or just doing things together. I'd secretly admire his face, his voice, his body, and he'd mine. But sex is not the priority. What I like, is the promise of companionship, and each of us knowing (like, we'd know we could, but it wouldn't be our priority, 'cause to be in each other's presence is enough. And I feel discomfort labelling this messy bundle of feelings as romantic or platonic. Am I aro?

honestly, i know this isn't what people in these sorts of stages of questioning want to hear, but... the thing is... it's up to you to decide what this means for you.

you don't have to label anything - if you want to say "i'm aro and gay and i like the idea of a relationship of this style", that's fine! if you want to say "i'm aro and gay and still want a romo relationship!" that's fine! if it's a qpr - that's also fine! but i can't tell you what it means for you. that's something you'll have to figure out for yourself.

i wish you and anyone questioning in this particular way luck, and the knowledge that you don't have to label it, figure it out, or do anything about it - you can just feel, accept that this is how you feel, and that can be enough.

#Anonymous #not aro culture #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod phoenix #am i aro

[shmaroace]

don't get me wrong, i love all the positivity around being aro, like "be proud of being aro!! love who you are!!", but we never talk about how hard it is to reach that spot. so here's to the aros who are still trying to understand themselves, who aren't proud of who they are yet, who are still coming to terms with their new identity.

#i was in serious denial about being aro for a long time like i knew the label and knew it fit but i refused to use it for several months #even after that point it took a while for me to be comfortable with the label or saying it #and this is not a bad thing!! being aro basically requires you to undo all the societal brainwashing you grew up with #and there is so much arophobia that it's hard to find positivity #i got lucky w/ this blog and the people i follow but i know i had a hard time being as proud of myself and my queerness as i am now #this doesn't even really have to be an aro statement like i think it could fit most queer experiences #sorry for the long tags haha #aro #aromantic #arospec #aromanticism #aro pride #aro positivity #aroace #aspec #1k #5k #6k #7k

[fellas-is-it]

got tired of all depressing and hating yourself for being aro vibes on legit any other platform besides tumblr (looking at you tictac app) so wanted to listen to positive aromantic playlists and legit could NOT FIND ANY??????

And the ones that were vaguely positive were made for aroace ppl. Which is great! But im not ace!!! So WHERE'S MY POSITIVE AROALLO REP?!?!?!

Anyways i solved this hyperspecific problem myself and made a POSITIVE AROALLO playlist:

Larger image of the playlist cover i made

#plz i am starved #if anyone has a positive aro playlist SHARE WITH THE CLASS #no hate towards us bonding over our share anger/grief at the world its important and we SHOULD talk about it #but not ALL THE TIME???? #it SHOULDNT be THIS HARD to find good vibe songs for us #ive BEEN thru the hating being aromatic stage I GET IT #but jesus christ we can LIGHTEN UP A LITTLE?? #aro #aromantic #aro problems #aro culture is #aroallo #aromantism #aromatic positivity #aro pride #aro posting #aroallo pride #lgbtq #arospec #aspec #aro discourse #pride #alloaro

[knifearo]

#mutuals i am asking so nicely #aromantic #aromanticism #arospec #aroace #aro positivity