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crystalelemental · 1 year

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Unit Viability Speculation - June 2023

*sees a bunch of field effect pairs* Well well, we meet again. Only this time...*turns to Irida*...for the first time.

Before I get started, I need to put up a disclaimer. Yes, I am salty. No, I’m not going to be overly so. Look, introducing Hisui with only two sync pairs kinda sucks at this point. The fact they’re listed as Sinnoh, tanking any chance of Hisui Legendary Adventure or Villain Arc, also just means (1) there’s no chance of the less popular Hisui characters getting in, and (2) there’s basically never going to be alts for gym leaders or E4 (barring Variety) thanks to having popular Hisuian options in their back pocket. It’s a decision that tanks a lot of hopes I’d had about a new region coming in. To make matters worse, a lot of these pairs aren’t really...necessary. By any metric. So I’m going to come off as fairly critical of a lot of them, for a guy who’s going to pull three of the four. I want to impress that I am satisfied with this month. It could be better! There are things I wanted more than this. But it’s good. I’m alright.

Irida and Glaceon I’m going to start with the unquestionable best sync pair of the month: Irida. Irida comes in with Glaceon, which I adore, because it means we’re finally getting Master Fairs that aren’t legendary, or the obscenely over-hyped fan favorites that shouldn’t be as popular as they are (looking at you, bitch frog).

Glaceon is incredible. Ice Zone is already a fantastic tool on its own, but Irida takes it a step further and offers Hail in the same action thanks to her passives. Both types of extension effect exist on her grid. Moreover, Glaceon also offers a passive effect that negates Hail damage for your entire team, freeing up any desired support you could want, and then powers up your moves even further. Her Buddy move is single-target, but drops special defense by 4 stages, and she can get Mind Games 9 and Satisfied Snarl 9. Irida isn’t just an optimal Ice-type support, she actively helps any specially offensive team thanks to special attack, special defense, and speed drops with Icy Wind, and the effects of her passive skills. The wild thing is Irida has decent bulk too, at around 250s with EX, Vigilance as a natural passive, and gradual healing on trainer move under Hail. Irida can probably frontline in Gauntlet. And of course, Sinnoh Pride, which is really nice in any context.

So what’s my problem with Irida?

Listen, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a billion trillion times: Irida is a Tech unit whose offensive presence eclipses literally any sync pair she could support. Sure, I can use the combination of Ice Zone and Hail to finally give Pryce meaningful damage output, but what is the point of doing so when Irida is going to blitz the stage by herself? “Well there’s that new mode-” no shut up we are not talking about that, I’m so mad. Sync grid layout is also going to be insanely contentious. Between extension of her effects, the debuffing, and added entry skill to top off her offense, Irida brings a lot of needs to the table, that cannot possibly all exist in one grid. Placement will matter tremendously, and there is a world, possible one only a few hours into the future, where Irida cannot get both extensions and Mind Games 9 for the perfect all-purpose combo. This is especially notable because Irida does not have MPR on Ice Zone. She gets one extra application on entry and that’s it. Which is another skill vying for finite energy. Irida’s grid could easily be a disaster. Time will tell. And speaking of time!

Adaman and Leafeon It’s time to go to time! Our man Adaman is here with Leafeon of all things! I kinda love it. That said, only kinda. Adaman starts off weird, having Clutch Critical, and a bunch of moves with “critical hits land more easily.” Which is a...totally normal thing to do, buddy. I guess he’s just really worried about making sure he gets the Free Moves Next effect for hitting a crit every time. He also has Synthesis as a damage dealer. I assume this is for solos. His Buddy move can lower defense by 1 (2 if Sunny), and applies Rebuff, with two uses in total. Still no one hitting Rebuff -3. His last passive is Aura Cynthia, setting Sun on entry and each sync, but unlike her, he gets Extension 5 on grid. Grid also offers a lot of fun tools. Enfeeble to minimize foe defense, Insult to Injury for better move damage, Crit Strike 2, Criticonfuse for...some reason, MPR on Synthesis, Mighty Physical Boost for +2 physical moves next when using Synthesis, Brawn Gain 2 for Leaf Blade spam giving physical moves up next, and 150% sync multipliers. It’s a good kit that, unlike Irida, actually does permit others to like...contribute. Leaf Blade is pretty poor DPS, and Adaman cannot truck sides as effectively as Irida does. So your partners kinda matter this time.

So what’s the problem with Adaman now?

He’s unnecessary. Like, completely and totally. Show of hands, how many people actually struggled with Grass-weak Limited CS? Like, no one? Who was out there begging for more Grass damage? Adaman occupies a type that is not at all necessary to occupy anymore. Sure he’s good, but is he necessary? Add in that his big unique draw in Rebuff comes at the cost of wanting Sun anyway, negating the potential point re-allocation in CS. Yes, I recognize that he combos insanely well with SS Morty and SS Acerola as support, and Double Leafeon is a stupidly viable option, and all of that. But the man is excess on a type that was already pretty excessive. We had SS Lyra for Sinnoh’s sake. The other is that, because of how he operates, Adaman is a better support to the people he’s logically trying to help, but Irida has far greater utility in a broad sense. Her debuffs and ability to power up all allies while Hail is active regardless of type of role is way more valuable than anything Adaman can do for a team with Sun and Rebuff. Sure, defense debuffs, but bring a Leer or Screech bot and you can pull that off, those are a dime a dozen. Adaman’s just...a really good sync pair in a niche that didn’t need him.

Lodge Adaman and Vaporeon Somehow, Adaman defied convention and got the Lodge pair over his female counterpart. Redditors everywhere rejoice. Interestingly, he got Vaporeon. I can’t remember who has what, but I think this means Irida in Lodge can get Flareon. PLEASE let Irida get Flareon. I do not like Tina, there’s not a single trainer likely to get Flareon that I’m a big fan of, I will kill for Irida and Flareon, I need someone I like to have my favorite Eevee baby. Anyway...

It’s a support. Bubblebeam, X Defense All, Protect, and trainer move raises team Special Attack +2, his own special defense +2, and applies Gradual Healing to the team when it’s Rainy. It’s...look, there’s been a lot better. His grid also doesn’t offer anything too useful. On a Roll 4 is not getting you anywhere. Recuperation 1 is only okay, but we’d need Synchro Healing to really see Stall play. Why do you have Tough Sync? Team Grand Entry 1 is super awkward. First Aid 2 is embarrassing, he got Valerie’d. The only things that stand out are natural Endurance, and Pep Rally on X Def All. Could’ve been exceptional on trainer move, but this is fine.

Lodge Adaman offers very little use. He relies on Rain for his full kit to be active, has no crit buffing potential at all which is limiting, has special attack and speed buffs on different buttons, and...look, he’s worse Roxanne. We all see that, right? He’s shitty Roxanne. I feel like I don’t need to explain this one.

Sygna Suit Silver and Sneasel JOHTO FOCUS! Okay, breathe. Fucking love me some Johto, though... Silver finally, finally get his Sneasel. It is. Fine. Just...fine. Triple Axel, given its 2-gauge status, is really good if you land all hits. He does get Pinpoint Entry 2, so it’s at least possible. X Speed+ is fine for his Inertia sync (built-in, dude’s sync is nuts with this, Cakewalk, and Heavy Hail 5). His Buddy move is the real comedy. Buddy Triple Axel is the same 90 accuracy, three-hit move as always, but comes with the enticing angle of boosting crit rate by 1 for each hit, and more significantly, reducing sync cooldown by 1. Silver, on his own, is a full turn of fast-ramping. With Adrenaline 2, he even speeds up access to the next. Understand, this is Silver’s niche. Like, granted, Ice type, he’s already better than like all of them bar Irida. But this is what Silver is built for. Silver is made for fast ramping. His general self-setup, however, is remarkably poor, requiring two uses of X Speed+ and two uses of trainer move to set up his needs. To make matters far worse, his natural sync buff is Cakewalk. Meaning you really want those speed debuffs. Once again, Irida supremacy, but he does get Tripping Stirke 9, so personally? Leave offense boosting to an ally, let Silver handle attacking. Buddy move into regular move hits -6 speed, Halloween Caitlin gives him both attack and speed and accuracy to even remove the energy of Pinpoint Entry 2. Once again, Caitlin Supremacy.

I’ve kinda talked about pros and cons here, and it’s largely because Silver is both very good and very bad. The good is, his sync nuke is tremendous, and his DPS to gauge cost is fantastic provided he hits. Fast-ramping is a top strategy in this game, so playing so easily to it is divine. However, Silver’s comps are notably impacted when he is the damage dealer. Silver exists either as a fast-ramping bot for other teams that need it and offers next to nothing else, or he’s incredibly reliant on his support to handle two stats that rarely see direct compression very quickly.

Still, it’s Johto. And it’s Sneasel! I’m so glad it’s the pre-evo, that was the right move. But really, it’s Johto. I love Johto. I think I’d pull anyone from Johto, really.

Eusine and Shiny Suicune ...Almighty Sinnoh is testing me.

I don’t care much about Eusine. I’m sorry, I just don’t. Water Striker, sure dude, I hope that’s fulfilling. This is the Adaman situation; we don’t need more Water-type damage dealers. What Eusine does offer is trap in Whirlpool, which is nice for Uxie and Cresselia if that one ever matters, Blizzard as secondary coverage because they are really pushing for this Limited CS, and Buddy Surf, which is his spammable AoE no penalty move with a 20% flinch chance. It’s not terrible. His trainer move is bullshit. +6 Sp atk, +3 crit, also Condition Nullification to all allied sync pairs. I’m sorry, did I not just talk about this recently? About how trainer moves have hit a cap, and there’s nowhere to go but slapping on extraneous effects? That’s just Anni Lillie’s move with a bonus skill and still no drawback, and I’m kinda pissed. How much more injustice must my girl suffer?

Super Freebie 4, Attack Trap 4 for some reason, Disarm 9 is great if it wasn’t for 5/5, Weathered Warrior 3 is hilarious, Propulsion on trainer move is stupid, Superduper Effective 5 on Blizzard strats, and an awkward Gauge Acceleration when he knocks out a foe with a move. Oh, and Hostile Environment 2. Which is kinda nice. I can respect it.

Eusine’s fine. I think he’ll do okay, but I want us all to take a step back and ask ourselves...why? Why Eusine? Do you sincerely believe that he’s going to compete with SS Lysandre? I promise, Buddy Hydro Pump will put Buddy Surf to shame. Blizzard is cute coverage, but have you seen the actual Ice-types we have this month? If you need Ice, just go for Irida and Silver. Social Security Number is rerunning, pick him up if you need to. But don’t get Eusine for Ice, it’s not worth your time. Which is damning, because that leaves Water, and he’s not keeping up with what Kalos did to water back in December and THAT’S WHO WAS IN FEBRUARY! For some reason I thought Kalos was all January, nevermind. My point is, Eusine...is the skip of the month. If everyone’s looking at the four new pairs and going wow. I’m a whale, but not that much of a whale, I gotta pick one to not get! It’s Eusine. Don’t get Eusine. He’s all damage, in a type that doesn’t need it, with supportive conditions far too limited to matter. Sorry, bro. Not everyone can be SS Morty. Sometimes people chase stupid dreams. I don’t know what that’s like, that’s never happened to me.

Grimsley Grimsley, at long last, achieves his sync grid upgrade, and it...is pretty damn bad, bro. Aggravation ONE? ONE?! I’d understand if you had anything else to contribute, but Ferocious Moves ONE? Man you cannot rely on Snatch that much for your stats. And he still needs to use his trainer move for crit and evasion. At least his sync multiplier is based on evasion, but like...bro, what are you doing with BOGO on Snatch? This one baffles me. I think it’s DeNA once again overestimating a particular tool. I think they over-value Snatch as an effect. I’m guessing the Five Stats +3 condition makes it seem better than it is, but like...damn dude, this kit kinda sucks. You can’t even get out of using his trainer move, and Snatch is single target. Like you couldn’t give him Sharp Entry over Bogo and another means of buffing evasion? Couldn’t even offer Aggravation 2. This feels malicious. And not like when I was mad about Caitlin getting gimped on her total multiplier and half-locked to on-type, I mean the kind where, by utility, this accomplishes next to nothing. Grimsley what happened?

Sygna Suit Morty Now we shift to uselessness in the other direction. SS Morty is so stupidly good by default that expanding his sync grid is laughable when we’re STILL WAITING FOR SYGNA SUIT CYNTHIA MOTHERFUCKER. I’m not mad. Anyway, Morty’s kit was already so decked out with great tools, that the idea of dropping them for these traits is...not great. Natural Remedy and Quick Cure are nice 2/5 tools if you’re running Vigilance as a lucky skill. But most of these traits are redundant or unnecessary. The only one I legitimately like is Sunburst to start off with Sun for his trainer move as needed, but even that won’t sustain until sync. So it’s kinda like...just give him Drought Alert 3 or something. Maybe the 3/5 grid, eh?

Sygna Suit May Okay, just like with Morty, what were you going to offer May that she didn’t already have? Unlikely Morty, May came with pre-prepared answers. Staggering 2 is hysterical. Having used it on Lodge Steven and Marshal to hilarious effect, I can confirm that it checks out. Adding that on such a potent damage dealer is downright uproarious. Trip Wire into the new Hunter’s Instinct and old Cakewalk is pretty great, and Trip Wire being 2/5 is especially nice. Hostile Environment also adds a bit of depth to her Gauntlet play, now being self-sufficient against Cobalion, and half-checking Uxie. Burn Synergy is completely unnecessary, but does exist. Vigilance is just extra utility for stopping Sure Crit AoE moves. The thing is, May actually does get some fun tools, but much like Morty her grid was pretty tight. She had what she needed and wanted and functionally, this doesn’t offer too much. Staggering 2 is funny, but it’s too low a chance to rely on, and certainly not worth giving up her much better tools over.

Roxie Roxie got her EX! I kinda want to be a punkass and say it doesn’t matter that much, but she has a good sync multiplier and is a striker. In the era of Limited CS, her having EX is damn near invaluable for Poison-weak’s inevitable arrival. And blanking sides lets her focus DPS on center, which is helpful. I kinda like it, this one feels more needed than when they handed it to Roxanne for no reason.

#unit viability speculation #alphakuriboh #as promised

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clonehub · 1 year

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Copied from discord because i lost it in there KJASDHFLKAJSDFHLK

Who was developed? Wrecker. Why? Because of his trope. They stick to those tropes HARD all the way to the end gotta hand the writers that at least. Was the empire really developed? No Andor creating everything it did in six episodes and I think roughly the same number of hours and and tbb gives us a hiccup about the chain codes and the ends of the production of clones which we already knew about The lighting is nice the render is nice the lip sync is okay the VAing needs WORK. the soundtrack esp the main theme leaves much to be desired. the story just needs. some kind of overhaul. how tf can your premiere actually make the show less appealing. it went from unbearable to tolerable ive had that happen once to me before and that was The Office AKJSDHFLAJSFDHLKAS remember how they kept saying tbb would be darker than tcw. they had bitches heads bouncing in season 1 what did the tbb do HM? every time i went into an episode i was like wow the needle has not budged theyre digging their feet in on the whole Tell over showing wowowowow Did you know that Wrecker, as the demo expert, almost exclusively uses a gun? Did you know that crosshair's absence actually did not materially affect the team at all either in performance or emotional cohesion? Did you know that these people actually dont really care about each other and they really feel more like roommates with weapons who all have to look after a spunky kid than a family? You can't just call everything found family they gotta actually act like it and omega waiting until like 4 episodes before the finale to call the batch her brothers is not. how you wanna go about that. and they dont like. call her their sister when speaking about her to other people crosshair's fascism is actually a lot stronger than I remember like he's just on a constant path of doubling down i think his stans are just deluding themselves as to his moral standing and also frankly disrespecting his character for insisting he has 0 autonomy and is actually Really Good deep down why was one of the nicest moments when tbb all turned their guns on crosshair bc they thought he had the capacity to shoot hunter and/or a literal child why dont we get more tense moments like that

lie hot damn. what a (nothing) show. this could have easily faded from the collective conscious of star wars but its animated and animated well and also the Trope Troupe (4/5 man band set up) is always popular ig because of how goddamn easy it is to write and absorb? because who ever strays from that i was called slurs over this show lmao NAWT to spam yall with essentially a preview to the video essay about tbb i may or may not be writing next year but the fact that i cant even nail down a central theme-- is it family? only at the end and some parts in the middle. is it choice? not really? are they always on survival mode? yeah. does it FEEL like that? no because these bitches got something giggly going on 24/7 like the tonality is allll over the placeeeeee your fascist brother is hunting you for sport because he willingly joined a genocidal authoritarian regime that wants you and your kid sister dead why was the humorous writing outpacing literally every other mood by a mile

this show is like. style over substance. it wants the credit of creating an emotional story without doing any of the work to create that feeling in the slightest. a nothing burger. fireworks but its more smoke than flash. a tease of a theme here or there to keep you on the edge of your seat in the sense that youll sit there like "wow will they go down that road? will they address the size 00 elephant (crosshair) in the room?" and its almost always no some say a show doesnt need to be deep to be good i say yes it does because i have taste and no patience. and also good is so subjective as a metric for quality it just sounds like a disingenous argument from the start my friends and i were harassed over this show entire people leaving the fandom bc-- ok. im done. thats my review!

#ch posts #tbb rewatch #tbb neg #there's a part 2 coming #but like lmao this show

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gayspock · 6 days

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ok on

ok this isnt a suicidal rant for once. yes it is not it isnt. idk. part of what gets me very upset sometimes is like... i know im not a smart person or whatever. and similarly i know im not very capable of, like, much. but i think thats just all the more reason why i get so fucked off when the like 1 or 2 times im like pretty fucking confident in my own assessment of a situation or my own abilities, and Yet Even Then someone swoops in and tries to act like a patronising git abt it. cuz i dont mind criticism + invite it happily. and similarly i do not blame ppl if there is genuine cause for doubt in me. like if ive historically shown a pattern of incompetence in a specific situation, then sure. and half the time its like idgaf even if NONE of that applies because whatever at this point but

ohhhhh mygdodddd tifds i think its just a case of like whenever someone is like. not even listening. like not even acknowledging you or the things you fucking say to them and going off on their own half fucking cooked interpretation. i feel so fucking invisible sometimes. and maybe thats it thats the problem like even if i fucking account for everything in my head and try to like give it the benefit of the doubt because i know im dogshit at expressing my own thought process directly in absolute fairness and thats fine and i know im not right a lot and this and that and the other but like maybe its just a fucking situation of like . hmmmm deemed kind of unimportant and that inherent bias is always going to like fuck me in the ass like

and this is soo a different thing actually but like its made a tenfold worse when its someone who tries to keep kissing your ass and is like "noo youre soo good at this thing<3 But also! I will never fucking demonstrate any trust in you. I will also talk over you on everything." and i think intelligence is obviously something extremely broad in that sense and kind of a horseshit metric but nonetheless i cannot fucking describe the number of ppl who have tried to butter me up by baselessly calling me some variation of intelligent whilst simultaneously disregarding every fucking thing i say to them cuz they know better. and again theres a difference between that and disagreeing right. or criticism. idgaf if someone disagrees sure as hell. but its like you will not even fucking have a conversation with me properly and you will dismiss every thing i say to instead fit in your own stock responses cuz youre already convinced im stupid and wrong every timeeee. and instead you are the one that consistently fucking assumes the worst of me as a person, with 0 grace. like okay sure you keep telling me this One Thing, when you like repeatedly demonstrate that you do not think that at all and ironically its even more like insulting that you think im that fucking stupid i cannot even assess That Situation.

and maybe im like the crazy cynical and paranoid bitch but half the time its like i feel like people just want to stroke their own god damn ego and im naught but the charity case for that fucking aim like its like you dgaf for real for real but its also like why can people just not fucking be honest and direct with their fucking horseshit and with themselves and with me and quit the fucking . .... blargh im fucking sick of everything all the fucking time is anyone insane right now. walks abck and forth walks back and forth im pacing im the paccerrrrrrrrrrrr i cannot fucking handle fucking anything like this i feel so fucking little as a fucking person and i dont know why im even trying to fucking handle or care about any of it when its insurmountable all of the fucking time and im not getting anything but angry and upset ALLL OF THE TIMEEEE GOD HELP ME CHRISTTTT

#egg.txt

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steveyockey · 3 years

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Regarding how Supernatural sees and literally portrays its own fans: there are the cringy loser man (who also turn out to be gay which is of course even worse), the straight fetishizing women and the delusional queer fangirls. What I don't understand: where are the fans that Supernatural actually wants? The 'real' fans, the actual target group, so I suppose cool straight dude bros? They're never shown as fans of the show! Because how Supernatural portrays is, it's actually cringe to like Supernatural at all which is funnily just the show shitting on itself (and also true). Or what do you think?

I mean I think you hit the nail on the head, it’s cringe to like supernatural! specifically it’s cringe to like supernatural with a passion, which is funny because like, kripke’s original pitch mentions buffy, the x-files, star wars, properties with active fan communities who rooted for pairings and continue to write fic. it feels like those fans come with the territory! it’s genre fiction! but of course supernatural also came up at the perfect time for its writers to have a better awareness of their fan communities than most of the stuff that came before them, and, what’s more is they chose to do that. becky, demian, and barnes are all names of forum mods from back in the day. they’re mean-spirited caricatures, but they are also currency! in-text acknowledgment! that’s a powerful drug. how mad can you be that you’re getting made fun of for having no life outside a silly tv show that thinks you’re a loser when you’re now a character in that tv show!

it’s difficult to source who supernatural was technically supposed to be for, there’s no actual quote of kripke naming teenage white boys as his target audience, but I did dig up this bad boy from 2009 that suggests dawn ostroff (the cw’s president at the time) was not happy the property pitched as being for males ages 13-25 was instead attracting women 14-45. I mean, we know the first two seasons of supernatural were “the DVDs most requested by armed forces personnel in iraq and afghanistan,” so clearly on some level the “intended audience” was being reached, but it seems at least the perception on the inside was those poor boys were getting massively outflanked by women. there’s a couple levels to this. first of all, the show premiered on the wb. it’s not to say the network couldn’t attempt to attract new viewers (and this was probably part of the intent of the show), but teen soaps were in its dna. they had no way to STOP the women already tuning in for gilmore girls from keeping the tv on another hour. second, though the show is purportedly “about” topics that read as exclusive to men (cars, rock, violence), there’s an obvious appeal to people attracted to men in its casting choices and the way its shot. like jensen didn’t do that fucking titantic necklace ad because he’s the epitome of masculinity, he did it because he was an androgynous dicaprio-type cutie! sure, his look may have been aspirational to teenage boys wanting that same type of attention, but again, there’s no way to prevent women from getting it directly from the source! and for all the show claims to tell us about the single man tear stoicism of it all, dean cries like a little bitch. because he’s not the action hero, not at first! he’s a scared kid who was forced to grow up. and sam’s fucking dean from gilmore girls! he’s got the bangs and the goofy smile! these aren’t the guys the women watching wanted protecting them, they were guys they wanted to provide comfort. and the camera plays into it! as our good friend sheila o’malley puts it, jensen and jared “are objectified in a way usually reserved for female stars.” you can discuss this in terms of a male objectification fantasy, there’s a wonderful post out there equating the compromising positions sam and dean find themselves in on hunts to a sort of bodice-ripper erotic thrill in being taken control of, but that only provides more space for the comfort fantasy. and this is nothing to say of just being interested in the genre! that the attention of female fans is devalued and assumed to have less complexity than the relationship men have to their beloved works. which is CRAZY because lgbt fans and women in fandom are the entire reason supernatural even made it this far! yes, there are swaths of “regular” people at home who watched supernatural in a non-obsessive way, but they weren’t the reason the show saw a 27 percent increase in its audience over the ninth season. that’s passionate fans, and fan communities encouraging passionate fans of other things to join them. supernatural might not have explicitly wanted these fans, but they are the reason for its success at almost any stage of the show’s airing and, while they may have been creating fanwork outside the bounds of the text, their reasons for coming to the show were not invented. what gets me riled up about “fan fiction” is I enjoy 99% of it, the one thing I can’t stand being the suggestion that what the fans are doing is based on a reading of the show the text itself doesn’t support. the text supports it because YOU put it there! just like you put everything else there that already made the show appeal to people outside the “target” audience! all of which is to say. I don’t know who the fuck supernatural was meant for. I don’t really care except in the moments it illuminates something within the text for me or when this idea is wielded effectively in the “ring ring! eric!” type jabs on here. because the show had the audience it had! it didn’t have any other! it took all that fucking con money and continues to do so, I don’t think there’s any better metric than cold hard cash.

#honestlyhaunted #every day i say i will not do fandom studies. and then i do fandom studies. well #spn #answered #rereading this sheila piece before i post it and like wow. this woman makes me feel deeply normal #i understand i am ignoring something here and i am choosing to ignore it so if you send me an ask like 'also this' well. i'll ignore that

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beesmygod · 3 years

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THE NATIONAL FILM REGISTRY’S 2020 ENTRIES

people who know me know i have a particular interest in the national film registry, the library of congress’ special collection of films they have deemed "culturally, historically or aesthetically significant“. to be clear this is not an oscars or an award ceremony of any sort, though it is an honor in to be selected. it is a preservation program; the purpose of this is to make sure these films are passed down through time as examples of the american experience or as examples of american art/history by the "culturally, historically or aesthetically significant” metric. for me, this is a far more interesting starting point of casually reviewing films and there is a morbid curiosity what the faceless entity that is “the library of congress” (to me, an ape) deems important, american style.

great news! the 2020 additions have arrived! and they’re weird! included are a mix of modern classics that everyone recognizes as well as a vast plethora of film created well before 1940. i recognize a few of them. as will you! here are some of them and why i think they are here:

the blues brothers: self explanatory to anyone who has seen it but to anyone who hasn’t, its a tour de force comedy whirlwind adventure starring SNL (back when it starred actual comedians who went on to do things) kings dan akroyd and john belushi and featuring performances by some of the most unbelievable and spectacular musical talent of all time. a love letter to the blues, comedy and fun.

a clockwork orange: a viscerally unpleasant film by one of the best filmmakers of the modern era, this isn’t a film that needs to be seen by everyone. like, this isn’t one of those “gotta see it” films because it’s highly upsetting and most people are going to find it terrible and vile for the sake of it because it is. this is a film that makes for a perfect example of the above definitions provided: "culturally, historically or aesthetically significant“. i am withholding judgment calls on the content within the movie (ha ha! you will have to use context clues regarding what you know about me to determine how i feel like a normal person!!), kubrick was pressing his finger to the pulse of the american audience of the 1970s and i don’t think any picture outside of a slasher film reflected that more than this movie.

as much as i dont want to, given the state of the world. i wonder what it would be like to revisit this movie in 2020.

the dark knight: lol

grease: an idealized musical about the 1950s from 1978, but one of the most prominent cultural touchstones that has transcended generations. it’s campy, it’s artificial, and it’s another one that might strike a little too close to the ideals held close by the audiences of the 1970s. but there’s an undeniable charm brought to the table by travolta (who at this point was still bringing his signature swagger and charisma to each of his roles) and newton-john (who is really, truly a delight as the believably innocent sandy). "culturally, historically or aesthetically significant“? yes.

the hurt locker: i have no idea. my ass is a little chapped about this one. what the fuck.

lilies of the field: a beautiful and gentle film about a man, some german nuns and god. sidney potier became the first african american to win an academy award for best actor for his performance as homer smith, the kind samaritan who comes to understand the goodness of god is in the milk of human kindness. this is an easy to swallow film; there is no romance, no danger. there is only the steady upward gaze of a man turning heavenward. this all sounds very preachy and religious, and while there are dueling bible quotes and the catholic aspect of the movie is an important plot lynchpin, the thrust of the movie is cultivating love is labor, much like a garden or building a church.

shrek: yeah laugh it up, but besides being one of the earliest CGI movies to break a block, it was also one of the biggest animated movies to kick the rat in the dick and give disney a little run for their money. up until dreamworks came along, animated movies were either XXX ralph bakshi affairs (okay, “wizards” isnt that nasty but you know) or very, very safe disney properties (which were great...but...they were...all that we really had except for the one bad movie don bluth would cough up once every 2 years or so). shrek was finally something with a little bit of an edge that directly stuck a pin in between disney’s ribs. plus...can you deny the cultural significance it has even today? i dare, you bitch.

want to nominate something to the registry next year? click here and fill out the form!

#nfr #national film registry

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mbrainspaz · 3 years

Text

Upsetting things about The Watch BBC— A ‘live-blogged’ List (where I genuinely try not to be picky about the books)

Ep1

- what the holy hellish post-apocalyptic grunge punk garbage?!

- The way Vimes’ face moves and the way he says words

- Carcer???? Keel?????? VIMES?!!!?!?

- 80’s style foam troll costume is a costume, also wtf is that silhouette? God-awful design

- Troll walking sfx sound like an intern bashing their head against a desk

- Vetinari lives in a futuristic concrete parking garage for some reason

- Crime is legal yeah we get it

- Carrot “ 🙄 I’m not a dwarf” Ironfoundersson

- Alchemists are dealing Slab now

- Wait this is still a flashback.

- So yeah Carcer and Vimes were gang buddies

- “you’re the captain now” 😂

- Knurd. SAY KNURD DAMN YOU

- Why... why is Cheery tall

- Vimes is really wearing a metric ton of eyeliner isn’t he

- Magic mirror on the wall who is the dorkiest of them all

- So we’re giving carcer (the insane serial killer) sympathetic motives I guess

- Imps are rather large

- Carrot’s dwarf family dumped him too jeeze

- “never trust an alchemist” ??? Okay??

- Carrot’s emotional moment is making me uncomfortable

- “we come in all sizes down there” uuuuh so there’s literally nothing special about Carrot being such a tall dwarf cool cool cool cool cool cool

- Angua gets locked up to wolf out

- So.... Sybil is trying to undermine vetinari...?

- Are the crime guilds of Ankh-Morpork something this show is trying to resolve????

- Scratch that it seems to be the #1 issue the show is setting out to resolve. Rascim and other meaningful social justice themes who?

- Still a flashback

- Cheery sees ghosts

- Oh so Carcer time traveled to this future and is stock-piling slab. Cool cool cool cool cool coo—

- “what happened to you?!” Uh, you two know each other from somewhere?

- Carrot can’t button a shirt

- Enemies to lovers? Yeah that’s what this needed.

- “‘carcer was kinder to me” I hate this so much

- “slab” “never touch that stuff” no shit ‘cause it’s a TROLL DRUG

- Stop shaking that poor dragon around dear god its neck is broken

- What

- Dragons live in street lamps and Sybil is liberating them

- Sure Vimes you’ve got 1 Minute why not tell Sybil about your deepest personal trauma. What a dork.

- Are those supposed to be goblins or gnolls. Why are they cyborgs

- There’s a desert outside ankh-morpork

- “Arrest me! PLEASE SAM! PLEASE” - Carcer “mm nah” -Vimes

- Aren’t dragons supposed to be like... cat sized? Not just fancy geckos with wings?

- Oh great he found the book. Just sitting there. On the street.

- Honestly I’m on Carcer’s side here lads. Vimes is a rat. I’m siding with the insane serial killer. Yayyyyy

Ep2

- “I saw him fall” — you let him fall my dude. Why

- “did you hear what I said gurl”

- How fast is Detritus suddenly

- They’re shooting arrows at a troll Vimes. A TROLL. you can chill

- Oh wait he’s dead. Arrows. at a troll.

- Wait is Detritus seriously dead

- WTF

- “i can’t believe he’s gone” ME NEITHER BITCH HE WAS A TROLL THAT GOT SHOT WITH ARROWS

- The whole ‘she’s lady ramkin’ bit only works if you know her from the books and then it’s just disappointing

- AAAAAAGH Why is every plot from every book in the watch series happening at once?!?!?

- Just thinking about how Vimes is about 50 years old in The Fifth Elephant. On this timeline he’ll be bout 78.

- How old is Sybil? Maybe 32?

- CARCER summoned the dragon????

- Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool

- “and you call yourselves The Watch?!” Yes please do not. But also lady, you knew there were 4 of them and you’re basically Batman don’t act surprised.

- “only one virgin I know of”— what from the official virgin registry?!?!

- Also WHAT?! ONE VIRGIN??? IN THE WHOLE CITY?? ? 😂

- Who are these people and why are they meeting on top of a foggy parking garage

- Uh... Mustrum Ridcully?

- My gods these characters are dull. Fancy costume design is a poor substitute for personality.

- Lindljfdinglsnkdnv what is happening there was a bit about the high energy magic building and swears and wait what Ridcully can’t swear?!? YEAH SURE I GUESS

- what is this whole exposition dump about Ridcully and his ‘inventions’?!

- Dude where is his wizard hat. I am shook

- ANYWAY

- Back to Vimes’ past as an immoral douche

- nvm back to the royal parking garage

- Why is Vetinari wasting time on Vimes while he’s such a useless bum? she’s treating him like she knows he’s gonna be a duke one day

- Gods why does Vimes move like that. Gives me the heebie-jeebies

- Ridcully invented iconographs???? AND the dragon-torturing streetlights??? What like there are no other people in the whole city who could’ve done that? We’re really just gonna pin everything on the only wizard dude who seems to exist

- Sybil and Ridcully are arch-enemies then too I guess

- Oh the goblin things are communists for comedy value

- And they work for Carcer... for some... reason???

- carrot is so serious but not in the right way

- “‘just a cleaner” — sweetheart you look like you oughta be escaping a prison planet in Doctor Who wtf

- “‘round world” yooooo.... you realize nobody’s even explained that this is supposedly discworld yet right

- Ridcully is giving me the worst vibes and I hate it

- Oh my gods RIDCULLY IS THE INSANE SERIAL KILLER

- Weeee Carrot’s solved ... something? I’m lost

- Oh no

- What the f**k was that

- You know if they’d halved the eyeliner budget maybe they could’ve afforded 🦧

- “you didn’t bring goodboy with ya” — uh... how do you know? He’s a pocket sized accessory

- Ah nevermind Sybil and Ridcully are chums. why wouldn’t she be chummy with the dude who invented the dragon streetlights that torture dragons that she became a vigilante to rescue. My b

- Ook? More like “OOF.” That design genuinely hurts to look at with my eyeballs.

- cheery and Angua suddenly have ... chemistry ?! Honestly I’m not not here for it

- And then “you’re terrified of the dark” slapped me in the face like a fish.

- Yep. Cheery the tall dwarf is afraid of the dark ... for some... reason?

- Aaaaaand yep capn’ space prison is working for Carcer because of course she is!

- Because there are 10 people in this whole city and half of them work for Carcer and the other half are either ghosts in Cheery’s head or automatons invented by KNOWN SERIAL KILLER Mustrum Ridcully

- What did Carcer call the space prison lady?

- Oh no

- Noooooooooo

- No this is too much.

- So

- Let me sum up

- carcer was a wily gang leader who was looking after a bunch of kids who just wanted to survive on the rough streets on angie-morpurge including SAM VIMES and ... WONSE?! (WHO IS A GRUNGY EX-CON CLEANING LADY INSTEAD OF HAVELOCK’S SECRETARY FOR SOME REASON?!) until Carcer was betrayed by Vimes and accidentally shot sgt. Keel which naturally caused Vimes to chase him onto a roof where Vimes let him fall to his death except instead he got zapped by magic time lighting which caused him to appear in the future where he decided to buy troll drugs, haunt Vimes, and summon a freaking dragon (in that order).

- Yeah yeah. Makes perfect sense.

- Moving on

- Why are we breaking in to the library?

- Oh well at least we’re all here together now

- Serves you right for hiring a cleaner who looks like a gritty space ex-con my guy

- “carcer needs to burn the whole city down” “why?” Uh—yeh

- Will somebody please make Vimes stop moving. His torso, his face—everything. Stop it

- Stop

- Please gods

- My head. It hurts.

- They’re doing exposition but it just hurts.

- Oh good the goblin assassins are here with arrows

- What are these camera movements and why are they LOUD?!

- I think I blinked and missed most of angua’s character arc but good for her I guess

- WHY DOES VIMES MOVE LIKE THAT

- So angua did what?

- Aw Carcer. what a bro. What a sweetheart. I hope things go well for him.

- WHY DOES VETINARI BELIEVE IN VIMES?!

- What is the point of Vimes in this?! He has no moral compass. No wit. No soul. He’s just a drunk coward doing a bad Jim Carrey impression that makes me want to die

- Wait was that an edit or did I have a stroke

- Uh... so they are setting up Cheery and Angua as lovers then. Still not hating it, just... ya know... the whole angua and carrot thing? Kind of a big deal? We’re not gonna like... no? Okay.

- “we’re actually quite good at this aren’t we” —NO

- “i wouldn’t be seen dead wearing that” — we’re really just plucking lines from random discworld characters and chucking them into the script randomly aren’t we

- No no, let’s hear Sybil’s tragic backstory about how the watch done her wrong here we goooo-oh? Nope never mind there she goes she left

- Whoop there it is. It’s assigned reading.

- “Join me, Wonse. Join THE DARK SIDE OF THE FORCE” - Carcer

- HOLD UP

- CARCER JOINED SOME MESSED-UP VERSION OF THE TIME TRAVELING MONKS?!?!?

- THE MONKS (or whoever they’re supposed to be he mumbled and I didn’t catch it) ARE TRYING TO DESTROY REALITY?!?!?

- What

- The

- ———-

#the watch #bbc’s the watch #bbc America #a review nobody asked for #live-blogging #I like lists #the watch spoilers #discworld #abomination #just as bad as expected honestly #the book was better #book to tv #adaptation gone wrong #bad adaptation #dumpster fire #wtf #bad writing #how not to adapt a books series

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heuristicallyinclined · 4 years

Text

SPF Five Million or Whatever

Summary: Mspa Reader figures they need some sunlight and recruits a few friends to help them get it.

Rating: T for language

Notes: I haven't written any of the jades before and I really love them and tried my best to capture their dynamic. I really love imagining Mspa Reader's adventures between Friendsim and Pesterquest. I feel like the games were really just scratching the surface of their shenanigans.

(AO3)

You are pretty sure that people need about twenty minutes of sunlight a day to stay healthy.

Or at least that is what you think it is. You never really thought about it too much to be honest. Having spent a decent amount of time outside walking, you figured you were getting your daily dose in without much effort, and maybe you just didn’t realize how good you had it, not living on a planet that even passively was trying to kill you. Because right now, you know for a fact you’re getting the ideal amount of sunlight on Alternia, which in your personal experience is fucking ziltch.

You tried it once and learned pretty fast that what might leave you with a healthy glow on Earth, would leave you well done on Alternia, a disgusting state for any piece of meat to be in, let alone your body. So that was clearly an Earth exclusive recommendation.

Still, you think some sunlight would do you good.

Especially since you were starting to feel this constant exhaustion after a few months on Alternia. After ruling out your questionable diet and semi existent sleep schedule, you were left with the fact that you were likely getting a vitamin D deficiency.

Frankly, you have not survived your various trials and many tribulations here on Alternia to let rickets be what finally kills you. Absolutely not. No. You’re too proud to die in the lamest way possible on a planet with significantly more respectable and less preventable ways of dying.

This does mean you’ll have to face off with the Alternian sun, which really isn’t that much better on the lame death scale. Last time you got caught out during daylight, you got really lucky. You aren’t counting on a second time where a gorgeous cowgirl, alien Lassie, and a lot of dumb luck would happen to rescue you from your own poor life choices.

So this time, you were going to try to be smart about doing something this monumentally stupid. You were going to get water, a floppy hat, and some ice packs. Now you just had to not do this alone, especially when you knew someone who touted the merits of the buddy system.

Luckily, you also know a few people who could withstand the sun’s rays.

Finding out that jadeblood sun resistance was in fact a real thing and not just the latest in fucking with the local alien made this a whole lot easier and left you with a few options to consider. You figured Wanshi was too young to be kept up that late and that you’d rather not traumatize her if this went sideways. Bronya mentioned being busy with a new brood hatching and managing the herd of lusii they attracted to the caverns so that was a no go. Lanque would likely be otherwise occupied or at least claim to be and you’d rather him not see you like this if you could help it. That left you with Daraya, who you knew would be up and likely be down for some alien shenanigans. But most importantly, Lynera.

One massive check in her favor is she already had experience inconspicuously carrying your injured body through the caverns unnoticed by literally anyone else to a secondary location So discretion was clearly already a strong suit of hers. The context for how she even got that much experience in the first place is none of your business, especially now that you’re friends. And you’d say you two were actually pretty close after all the time you’ve spent hanging out with her in the caverns and going out on little cafe trips.

Really, she was the ideal candidate for this by every observable metric. Well, almost.

While she is loyal enough that you knew that she would help you hide a body if asked, she has also threatened enough people for perceived slights against you that she would very likely be the reason there was a corpse hanging around in the first place. So having Daraya be there too was probably a safe move.

Oh it’s all coming together now.

You were feeling really good about this. Your confidence in yourself, your friends, and your planning abilities carried you through two difficult conversations. One with a veneer of apathy trying to conceal some very real concern, the other incredibly loud and extremely worried, but you got through them and that’s what matters.

So here you are at the brooding caverns, tucked away inside the turn just before the mouth, clad in some cool guy shades from Cirava, a sun hat from Charun, some shorts from Remele, and a Xoloto brand tank top complete with strategic ripping that makes it basically impossible to wear anywhere in public without a layer underneath.

Your friends are right here with you. Lynera is alternating between pacing and fretting over the placement of your sun hat for the seventh time to really make sure your hair doesn’t ignite. You know it won’t and you told her it won’t, but you let her fuss. She just needs to do something with her hands to stay calm. You can at least let her have that with what you’re about to do. Daraya checks her palm husk again for the time as dawn steadily approaches. You take a deep breath in, psyching yourself up.

So you never actually figured out what the Alternian sun equivalent to twenty minutes of Earth sun is. But you think a minute should be enough to do it and not pass out. It feels about right. You have based this off of no math whatsoever, but you’ve done worse with less prep, so you’re not going to let some nerd shit stop you. Especially not now, when you hear Daraya sigh. You know that it’s show time.

You look at her to confirm as she pockets her device and you see some light begin to stretch into the cavern’s entrance. She looks at it too, frowning as it approaches.

“▲▲ try not to fry your pan ▼▼"

You give her a reassuring smile and run up through the mouth of the cave, and stop just past the entrance, arms up wide and outstretched, like you were doing the YMCA dance and lost rhythm just past the first letter, ready to receive that sunlight you so desperately craved. The sun hits your skin and there is a comfort in feeling’s its warmth after living in eternal night.

You really missed this.

...

Actually, you know what? No you don’t. Fuck this.

That “gentle warmth” quickly became a scorching blaze and to your credit, you made it a solid ten seconds under the full wrath of that relentless bitch they called a sun before you decided to quit while you were ahead and conscious. You dash back towards the entrance, uncomfortably aware of every step you take. Lynera stops nervously pacing and stiffens when you reenter the shade and runs towards you. Daraya is ready and quickly hands you a water bottle. You struggle to open the cap because of the condensation making the bottle slick and it exacerbates the painful tingle you’re feeling all over your hands. And your face. And your everything actually.

You continue struggling until you finally succeed in twisting the cap off, but your victory immediately proves to be a hollow one, as your tight grip on the bottle has water going everywhere.

God. Damn. It.

You’re vaguely cognisant of a screeching sound somewhere behind you, but you have more important concerns right now. By some absolute miracle, a decent amount of the water seems to have gotten on you and saturated your top, soothing the skin under it. You feel less like you’re on fire and more like you had marinated your entire body in icy-hot for a few hours before getting deep fried.

You’d like to believe that that is a much more manageable situation. Your skin can’t tell much of a difference though so you waste no time and pour the rest out all over your face like you were a champ who just scored the winning goal instead of a dipshit speedrunning skin cancer.

Daraya mercifully cracks a cold one with the boys and pours the contents of another water bottle on you like you were a plant she forgot to water. The cool sensation on your skin causes you to sigh in a relief that doesn’t last long, before you lose contact with the ground. Lynera has you thrown over her shoulder and starts quickly making her way back into the caverns to her respiteblock. The physical contact takes that previous painful tingle and absolutely fucking floors it, bringing you to a familiar world of pain that your ass was very content not revisiting. Daraya keeps pace behind the two of you with her arms crossed the face of someone who is totally not panicked.

You try to calm them, telling them you feel better already. Really, you mean it.

This just causes Lynera to speed up and Daraya to grimace down at you instead of giving you an actual response.

While, yes, you resent having flesh, you actually feel really awake right now.

Daraya narrows her eyes. “▲▲ you mean from the pain? ▼▼”

No. No. That's different. And way more familiar.

God. Despite looking like a freshly hatched octogenarian, Lynera can really book it.

She carries your limp, increasingly dizzy body with ease. You knew she was deceptively strong and fast first hand, based off of her being able to immediately able to knock you the fuck out and lug you back to her combination study block murder dungeon. Honestly, being able to do anything with an alien discreetly deserves commendation. Commendation up and out the wazoo.

You’re about to attempt to try to verbalize that thought, but just before the turn to get to Lynera's study block, she suddenly stops. She nervously glances between this hallway and another adjacent one one. Daraya almost bumps into her but stops herself just in time.

"▲▲▲ what are you doing? We said we were just going to put them in a spare recuperacoon ▼▼▼" Daraya whisper yells.

"They're a new color Daraya !!!" Lynera whisper yells to the point of negating the whisper part of the whisper yell and more just using a normal speaking volume with a hiss. “-they need !!! A medicull kit !!!”

Oh. You glance down at one of your dangling arms. That happened fast. In retrospect, you should have mentioned that was a thing that would potentially happen. How did you forget that?

“▲▲▲ and do what? A medicull kit could make them worse. We don’t know shit about aliens ▼▼▼”

“-!!! well how would you know all of their injuries were taken care of! that we didnt miss anything!”

“▲ they’re fine. We just, I don't fucking know? Rotate them in the slime? ▼”

“-like some sort of !!! rotisserie cluckbeast !!!” Lynera indignantly whisper shrieks.

"▲▲ No!▼▼" Daraya quickly defends. The way her eyes quickly glance to the side seems to imply that's kind of exactly what it's like.

Just like them rotisserie chickens.

The longer their arguing went on, the more uncomfortably aware you were getting about the fact that you had a body and Lynera's clothes felt like steel wool grating against your poor skin. That and describing what they were doing as “whisper arguing” was becoming more and more of a stretch as it went on and started to get louder. You were worried you were going to attract unwanted attention.

It is as soon as you have that thought, that a door opens, and you see an irritated Lanque groggily peek his head through to find the source of the commotion.

His face remains still at first, blinking tiredly as he takes in the fuckery and only opens the door wider when the other two turn at the sound of his door opening and he registers you slumped over Lynera’s shoulder with a single raised brow.

You smile and wave at him, despite how lightheaded her turn had you feeling, and Daraya quickly pulls your hand down and stands in front of you like there was nothing to see here. You let out a weak, “ow,” as she did, your flesh protesting at the touch. She glances back at you quickly, before exasperatedly turning to look back at Lanque with her arms crossed.

“▲▲ what? ▼▼”

He measuredly looks at the scene before him. Really taking in all of the bullshit before side eyeing Lynera.

“You threW the alien into broad daylight? EVen for you, that's crazy.” He almost sounds surprised, before smiling sweetly, “NoW Who’s going to tolerate you?”

Lynera sputters something, clearly offended, but Daraya cuts her off with a groan,

“▲ they literally need sunlight to live Lanque ▼”

His face twists. “Are they a fucking plant?”

“-no!!!" Lynera considers for a moment before yelling again just as loud. “-most likely not!!!”

He looks from your trio, to the small puddle of water forming under you, and glances back to the trail of water you apparently had dripping from you this whole time.

You know, you’re really starting to see the plant angle here.

“▲▲ look they just needed some stupid sunlight and we hung around to make sure they didn’t just get too cooked or whatever. What, are you going to tell Bronya on us? ▼▼" Daraya half mocks, half asks.

“No, of course not.” Lanque almost seems offended. “I don’t see any reason to inVolVe myself With you tWo Watching the alien give themselVes sun sickness.”

You ask no one in particular what sun sickness is.

“-can aliens get sun sickness???” Lynera asks with a newfound panic.

Lanque irritatedly replies, “HoW Would I knoW?”

You feel briefly dejected that no one answered. Until another thought crosses your mind. It wasn’t related to anything occurring at the moment, but it was weird enough that you don’t know how this was the first time you had ever really thought about it. Maybe the events of this morning were what it took for you to even be able consider this quandary.

Why do they say troll before a name? Like troll Will Smith? Doesn’t that imply there is another kind of WIll Smith? Like if they’re all trolls, why say troll? Oh shit, is that why they do it? Did you tell them about human Will Smith or would that be like human Whillh Smithh? Human Willhh Smyyth?

You rack your mind for other ways of making Will Smith a valid troll name, concentration evident on your face.

Lanque looks at you like you’re an idiot. “What the fuck are you talking about? You're just repeating the same name.”

The spelling? You narrow your eyes as you consider the spelling. It is the clearest thing in the world right now to you. It’s spelled different Lanque.

“I can’t hear how it’s spelled.”

Daraya’s eyes widen. "▲▲ They fried their fucking pan ▼▼ "

You still don’t know what sun sickness is, but you strongly suspect you may have it, especially since most of what happened afterwards was kind of a blur.

What you think you can remember is the sound of someone coming. Quick, determined footsteps that you couldn’t recognize, but Lynera clearly could as she stiffened first. She maybe said something about Bronya doing a curfew round? You think? Either way, it had everyone else on immediate edge and was enough for Lanque to decide this wasn’t worth staying awake for. He made a final comment and you heard a door shut, leaving your trio behind.

Daraya and Lynera exchanged words, finally remembering the “whisper” part of whisper yelling. They came to an agreement of some sort with Lynera nodding and heading to her studyblock and Daraya going off in the direction of what was probably Bronya.

Mentally, you are pressing F to pay your respects. Physically though, you register your orientation rapidly shifting. While you weren’t crazy about your position over Lynera's shoulder, what with her sweater vest grating against your torso and all, it turns out you enjoyed being moved out of it even less. The blood running away from your head had you feeling woozy in a whole new way.

To her credit, Lynera did not just immediately dunk you into the recuperacoon a la Space Jam like you’re sure she wanted to. She instead carefully lets you sink into it with a gentleness that starkly contrasted her worry. Normally, you would say that being put into a vat of slime is not an experience you would be looking forward to. Right now though, you’re loving it. It is an absolute godsend as it acts a cool balm against your skin.

Lynera continues and gingerly removes your shades and places them on an end table next to your sunhat. You were about to thank her and let her know she was in fact “a real one,” but you got cut off by her grabbing a handful of slime and smearing it on your face.

You sputter and instinctively try to move away, but you’re no match for her. She’s dealt with fussy grubs with sharp teeth for way too long to actually be deterred by your feeble efforts to resist. You don’t know how you’d rate the experience between, “children haphazardly covering you in slick grease paint” to “alien clay mask ensuring you don’t have enough skin to even entertain having clogged pores,” but you aren’t in a position to be opposed to it. It actually feels kinda nice when it’s in a smooth, even layer and not a huge fucking dollop on your face.

When she’s done, she wipes her hands while saying something to you. You don’t really register it, so you just kinda smile and nod. It’s your usual go to when you aren’t quite sure what is happening around you and it hasn’t led you too astray in the very many times you’ve done it. You’ll just ask her what she said in the evening.

Lynera seems pleased and starts moving to turn off the lights. Before she does, you thank her. She smiles at you, the corners of her eyes crinkling, and glances back at you as she goes, leaving you feeling warm inside and out for two extremely different reasons.

You settle down, trying to get cozy. You're not going to pretend you know much about sopor slime. You assumed it comes from a plant and haven't tried to confirm that little theory of yours because you need to believe that for your own sake. It's plant goo. From some kind of alien aloe vera or something. An extremely fleshy plant just ripe with goo for the taking. If you ever learn otherwise, no you didn't.

After you wake up and wipe off the slime, you find that you’ve healed surprisingly quickly. You’re still very tender to the touch, you find that out real fast, but your skin looks a lot less irritated than when you last saw it. This bit of good news and vitamin d that you assume you now have coursing through your veins that hopefully was not mostly used up on healing your skin, puts a little pep in your step as you get ready for the night. Before you exit the caverns, you feel a pang of hunger.

You can practically hear Bronya reminding you how breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so you walk into the meal block, figuring that no one would mind too much if you grabbed a breakfast bar or two before you left. Maybe you’ll even get lucky and find the ones that kind of taste like peanut butter and are crunchy for reasons you’d rather not identify. You aren’t alone when you enter. Lanque is there, sitting at a table. He looks up from his palm husk and eyes you.

“Did you change color?”

Yeah. Humans being exposed to sunlight makes them create a protective pigment so they're more able to be exposed to the sun.

“I’m fascinated.” he says, anything but. “So you're going to turn jade?”

No, more of a slightly darker version of what you are now.

He hums, now totally disinterested and looking back down at his chittr feed. Guess the limits of your rainbowdrinker like attributes have worn off on him.

Anyways, this just means that this will be easier next time you go out during the day.

That statement gives him pause. Lanque looks up from his palm husk, looking out before glancing at you dubiously.

"Next time?"

#hiveswap #hiveswap friendsim #Lynera Skalbi #Daraya Jonjet #Lanque Bombyx #Mspa Reader #This is just me having fun and getting real stupid enjoy #Can you tell I love Lynera?

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bookofmariokingofmaiami · 3 years

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This is the second time making this post because i am angry as fuck because for some reason when I added the names it didn't save so I'm doing this shit again

Hey! I had a stupendus idea, the past few days I've gathered a bunch of mitten squad quotes and captain sauce quotes

Soooo, I'll put wich book of mario characters would say each quote and we'll see what happens

Yes I know 99% of the mitten squad quotes is gonna be bolivia and carbon

Also, some quotes reference characters and locations, so I'll put an [ ] with what I think the book of mario counterpart would be

MITTEN SQUAD SEGMENT

Lewis:"I have successfully turned an ordinary kitchen utensil into the most valuable fork in the known universe, no one man should have this kind of power, but I am not mortal man, as a sexualy identity as a big rock being thrown into the ocean"

Princess of peaches, talking about 1 TEC-20"The robot wasn't able to pick the lock and I lacked the fire power to blow the bitch open"

Marc:"I left a broom there too so my bucket wouldn't be lonely"

Carbon:"Calm down vegetarians I am talking about animals in video games, animals in real life matter way less"

Barney one:"Killing it isn't the hard part, the hard part is getting away from the explosion of the goddamm Nagasaki bomb strapped up its ass that was rigged to explode once it died"

Bolivia:"Todd Howard [barbie], even in death you find a way to fuck me"

Bolivia:"We came back to the little shit with the ant problem and killed most of the ants, I left one alive for the boy, either he becomes a man or that ant will have a very good day"

Goomb:"Me brain fixed gud no hurt no more"

Marc:"Picked up trash for the make a wish kid"

Bolivia, talking about maria:"Because she hits like a bull with down syndrome and has the personality of a piece of plywood"

Belize:"You might be wondering, who is the boy and who is the girl? I won't give it away but I will say this, the knife is a whore"

Maria:"I had armor, i had supplies, i had pockets full of room temperature tomatos"

Bolivia:"For some reason I thought that stupid the horse v2 could fly, bad decision on my part"

Carbon:"For some reason this shrapnel character had 200 BB's, what a weirdo, who caries around 200 BB's?, anyway, I talked to daddy and brought my 300 BB's and headed off to clear off the Jefferson memorial"

Goverman::"Get a juice box and strap on your helmet, because we're going to hell"

Carbon:"I punched a puppy to death"

Marc:"My iq is similar to that of a 14 year old block of cheese"

Lewis:"Theres an oxygen exhaust pipe, the second best tipe of pipe to suck on to keep yourself alive, for those who need hand holding, that was not a drug reference, this is a family friendly channel, it was a suicide joke"

Bolivia:"I got an amazing slow motion shot of dogmeat getting fucked to death by a nuclear warhead"

Maria:"My only option was to become a vampire, wich sucked"

Bolivia:"But just as when like how every virtual dog goes to hell when it dies, what the fuck does that even mean?"

Carbon:"I took advantage of a unconscious military officer and beat him to death"

Barney one:"Nothing else says more victory than overdosing on drugs after a war"

Prof. Ceasar reality:"And decided to go to the much bigger and much more research facility x-13 research facility facility center, WHAT? I think I had a stroke"

Bolivia:"Used more than 3% of my frag mines to blow up a dog"

Carbon:"The last few coursers ran for their non existence lives and I went after them because I'm not letting anyone get away, one got away"

Maria:"I got a warning saying that nuka world is intended for those level 30 or above, Mathematics show us that me being lv11 is close enough to lv30"

Carbon:"Killed a pain-maker and got a glimpse into the big G in the sky who manifested himself as a fire axe floating in the air, this voodoo shit has no place in zion so I chopped of the pain-maker's legs and arms so If there is an afterlife he will be a cripple in hell for all eternity"

Goverman:"Its head turned into jelly, I threw its egg down into the nightmare bellow, and then I jumped after it"

Carbon:"A herd of big hornets paid the ultimate price for being alive"

Goverman:"Used his gun to turn off a woman"

Maria:"Me being the player can't open the door, theres a know you have to twist it its a whole process"

Goverman explained why maria survived the fall:"One of them belonged to God and refused to die"

Goombell, talking about hoko saba:"The dragon I pretended to not exist a few minutes ago is one of my mom's friend's kids so I had to play with him even tho he's weird"

Belize:"There was no hamster's luck in a garbage disposal chance that I would follow this giant fuck all the way to the cit ruins"

Lewis:"Along the way i saved a shopping cart from drowning and returned it to its family"

Prof. Ceasar reality:"Its about 24 million cheez its away from New vegas"

Bolivia:"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to bedworld"

Carbon:"With enough notches in my pistol to spell psychopath in braille"

Gooverman:"I spie with my little eye a ville whore who deserves to die, I cleaved her back in half with my stick and what I saw was glorious"

Maria?:"Its kinda like playing the floor is lava, but you can't see the lava and instead of burning to death you turn into a vegetable"

IDK"I hid from Ringo by hiding in ringo"

Bolivia:"The plate worked as well I thought it would, wich means it didn't work"

Bolivia:"There was a 3 for 1 discount on dead raiders if you use the promo code granade at checkout"

Belize:"The only explanation is that has a 5th appendage wich he pulls out on special occasions, wich probably isn't the case, we all know elmo doesn't pull out"

Goomb:"You don't need those things, Jesus got trough his life without any guns"

Goombape:"When i played it as a children"

Barbie:"Its like how you don't know if your life has any meaning until you die and see your score"

Belize:"This was the most stealth oriented part of the game by a metric mile"

Bolivia:"I stripped him naked, talked with Elliot [lewis] whose face bothered me for some reason,Talked with the samurai[maria], talked with red dead redemption [barney one]"

Carbon:"Some idiot spilled red paint on the clouds"

Bolivia:"Before traveling with the wizard, I spent some time pestering earnie with the prospect of friendship, by walking back and forth in front of him, making him think i wanted to talk to him just for me to keep on walking,I was voted the quietest guy I high-school and I know how loud earnie is screaming inside his head right now, it's kinda fun to be in this side of it :) ,also this isn't related to the video in any way, I just wanted to make it known that i have a sealed copy of elmos letter adventure for Nintendo 64 and you don't"

Maria:"I knew I could use that as a lighthouse of sorts in order to cast myself further into the ocean until i drowned in my own disappointment"

Goombell:"Vulpes[carbon] was adopted, his mother is both infertile and imaginary"

Belize:"Being alone is mental, you can be surrounded by friends family laughs and love on Christmas morning and still be alone in your head"

Bolivia:"I acted in self defense by committing various war crimes"

Carbon:"My throwing spears were broken and wouldn't fly,stupid fucking game"

Bolivia:"That wasn't a lie, it just wasn't the truth"

Maria:"If there's anything Shaun b knows to do is die"

Boombell:"The number of bear traps I activated for sexual reasons turned my angles into a fine powder"

Goverman:"Where the grass is green and the air is even greener"

IDK"I consulted a doctor who flucked out of medical school and followed his advice by killing myself"

Belize:"Being a futuristic[X-nauti], nazi dominated world version of polly poc,etc it has its own set of drawbacks"

Marc:"They're mass effect 3 of fallout 3's 5th dlc, I've never played mass effect"

Lewis:"Who loves their father like how their brother loves his mother's sister"

Carbon:"Like most existential crises it went away after I killed somebody"

Carbon:"If you're wraped in chains and dropped into an empty bathtub to drown, a snorklew won't save you"

Goombape:""A wise man once said "hi! Jeanie may's here" and he's right, there has to be a better way""

Browser:"After it took 3 grown man to kidnap a baby with a gun"

goldbob:"The lever action gun riffle can kill a mutant in a single shot if you land a shot that can kill it in one hit"

Maria:"Its 2020, Noone wants to use their hands anymore"

Bolivia:"Before journeying into more death, some jackass hit me with a granade and killed me, not the explosion, the granade bouncing off my soon to be corpse is was what made me dead"

Belize:"Some Neanderthals gave me their bullets to hold in a pretty rude way >:("

Princess of peaches:"Im not worried about offending blind people, it's not like they'll be watching this"

Carbon:"30 seconds is longer than you'd think, ask anyone whose been on fire"

Lewis:"I was as useful as a comatose toddler with a nerf gun at pearl harbor"

Goomb:"I also poused the challenge to satisfy the curiosity of mine regarding the birds in the sky that Don real because birds aren't exist"

Marc:"Any doctor worth their weight in styrofoam cups can fix a leg with their feet"

Bolivia:"I had me a silenced weapon, but I didn't account for today being his birthday, this changes everything, so I shaped for hollow point"

Carbon:"Maybe if Steve earlin had a gun instead of a snorklew he'd still be alive today"

Marc:"It took me 30 minutes and 3 phone calls to get my food because I'm too much of a pussy to go outside at 10 o'clock at night while drunk in a Christmas sweater after news year to steal my own food of one my neighbors doorstep"

Maria:"We've got rogue, tank dampse, and squidword"

Lewis;"And they're no joke, but I am, I am the big joke and my body is the punchline"

Bolivia:"I got mentally Nagasaki'd by this guy at the stables"

IDK"And went outside where Victor is unhappy with me, after killing Victor, Victor came out of the lucky 38 to avenge victor"

Bolivia:" i shot a kid, i sent that little bitch to the moon"

Sushiya, testing her products:"The door was of its axis, a plate was misbehaving on the chair, a cattle was dancing on the table like the whore she is"

Carbon:"And went shopping for dead bodies, they weren't in stock, but i know a guy who knows a guy who could help me out, both of those guys are me"

Bolivia:"Now vault yosh is I your head too, and he won't be going anywhere"

Maria's son:"As much of a monster that I look like, I think it's gonna work"

Sushiya:"But you know what they say, imagination is what happens when annoyance meets drug use"

Carbon:"If they're stupid enough to be in my way they might as well be my enemy"

Goverman:"But the slippery bastard was too clever, he walked around it, I didn't even know that such a maneuver was even possible"

IDK"Homeland security at this point has yet to be impregnated by a sentient barrel of oil"

Bolivia:" if I drunkenly put a giant hole on my sink with a goddam coffee cup imagine what I could do with a gun"

Belize:"Got ambushed in the freezer while searching for chicken nuggets"

Goverman:"But the fucken bullet Williams come flying out of fucking nowhere"

Maria:"The next second you're in a universe where everything that exists is the sick bastard child of a drunken fuckfest between a pin screen and a light brush"

Bolivia:"Ask the cashier if they have a granade, if they say no, say nothing for a few seconds, put a big smile, put your hands on theirs and quietly ask, would you like one?"

Sean hampton:"Can't do anything until I have my arms around a fat man"

Barbie:"The premise of this run is that I have no arms and I must dab"

Maria's son:"I told you before that I was a genetic disaster"

Bolivia:"And in that cabin, theres some west Virginian mountain folk who are so deep in incest that one of them somehow managed to be his own father"

Bolivia:"Can you hear that? It's…. It's an air conditioner! And it's so fucking anoying, aw no I hurt it's feelings :( "

Goverman:"He could probably put the end of his musket inside his mouth, pull the trigger and still miss"

Barney one:"The big beaver ended his life in stile, he even made a summersault into the afterlife"

Goverman:"Im a good Christian boy, I'll save my ammo for my suicide"

Carbon:"I am not Cinderella, I'm a parasite"

IDK"I played with a doggy too, it used the flesh on my arm as a chew toy, and I booked his nose with a nuclear newspaper to show that that kind of thing isn't allowed in the mitten squad household"

Sean hampton:"The crusable is a magical weapon like divorce papers, capable of tearing everything it comes across in half"

Barbie:"The curse of grandma sparkle managed to reach me all the way in hell"

Barney one:"If you are gonna get a cat, you might get a gun aswell"

Belize:"Corn on the Joe sat back not helping his brother's"

Carbon:"I bought 24 regular bullets,28 hollow points, and 60 that need to wear a helmet"

Bolivia:"After the squad died I had to content with the leftovers, the scraps, statically speaking the majority of what remained"

Lewis:"What I need to face is like a toddler with a learning disability, that would be fair"

Carbon:"I took both left eyes of this dead guy "

Carbon:"It took longer to pull out the Esther than it took of kill the general"

Sushiya, while high:"Deeper inside shit got weird, i killed a giant skeleton right? Nothing weird about that, but then his body just kinda danced in place really slowly, I tought speeding up time would fix it, that was a massive fucking mistake, and changing time back to normal was an even bigger mistake, he'll be hunting me until I die, but until then he'll still be dancing"

CAPTAINSAUCE SEGMENT

Carbon:"They're old, how hard can it be to turn them into blueberry jam and ram them into the grass"

Belize:"I guess if you do electrocute a tank enough it would just explode"

Boliviz:"Id have a better chance of finding a snowball down here than winning a coin toss"

Marc:"How does my Christmas lights break to a stiff breeze but these ones are practically terminators"

Barney one:"I never tought id see the day where I would have to hire a sniper to assassinate a troublesome light bulb but here we are "

Lewis:"I get the feeling if you try to milk a minotaur then you're gonna be its wife"

Sushiya:"In the history of mankind do you think we've ever seen a snake fight an octopus?"

Goverman:"Lets see if you can wobble your way trough the grim reaper" [the grim being carbon]

Goldbob:"Its a steaming pile of something ill tell you that much"

Goverman:"He died? How! Did he have an allergic reaction to the sun?"

Goomb:"Michelangelo is Swiss cheese and where good to go"

Bolivia:"It really looks like I'm taking a sharpened stick to a bazooka fight"

Maria:"HOW DID I GO FROM FIGHTING AN OCTOPUS IN A SUIT TO WW3???"

Princess of peaches, talking about 1TEC-20:"Im playing pictionary with a blind robot"

maria:"Theres on the nose dialogue and then there's punch you in the nose dialogue"

Bolivia, talking about barney one:"This lady looks like her father was half refrigerator"

IDK"Im supposed to sabotage the mail missile assembly line but it looks like someone got here before me"

Belize?:"And the ghosts of previously murdered pianos???"

Maria:"Im getting outsmarted by puppets"

Bolivia:"After careful deliberation with my associate we've come to the conclusion that the local government must have Removed all quarters from circulation, the laundromat went under and before you know it the entire society fell into nudism and then anarchy "

Carbon?:"This is like the hunger games of sesame street"

IDK"Im a weird shotgun santa"

Garlic?:"Oh damm! CTHULO IS THICC"

Krump:"What kind of interdimensional time traveling toilet is this?"

Carbon:"Wheater it be cultural appropriation or demonic abomination, i don't realy care im just gonna try to hit it with a pee bucket"

Carbon:"THIS IS THE MEDIEVAL RUSSIAN VERSION OF DRIVING INTO BATTLE WITH A TANK BUT SHOOT PEOPLE WITH A BB GUN"

Belize::"I DIDN'T KNOW GRANNY WAS TAKING GRAVEDIGGER TO CHURCH THIS MORNING"

Goombell:"This isn't a bridge its just the worlds weakest motorcycle trebuchet "

Bolivia:"Oh hellow mr berry"

Carbon:"Giant alien space worm 2020, make America worm poop again"

Bolivia:"When did snuffy[barney one] decide to judas me and join the hobbits?[origamis]"

Lewis:"Theres a surprisingly high amount of chickens in this map and a dramatic lack of eggs"

Bolivia:"Im pretty sure we've sent the first claim to the moon"

Maria:"And yet I'm forced to defend myself from stuff like bloodthirsty scp's using nothing but uncooked t-bone stake, I mean technically its doable but it doesn't make It any less ridiculous"

Barbie:"What's the point of a metal detector if literally everyone here has somekind of cybernetic, like I swear to God If I walk trough here aND you guys start pounding the shit out of me just because I got a couple of extra inches of robo-dong IM GONNA BE PISSED"

Bolivia:"Everyone's wearing slick black suits meanwhile I look like somebody skinned a couch from the 70s"

Sushiya:"Is this bacon flavored weed or weed flavored bacon?"

Sean hampton:"Do you think that Darth Vader ever had to deal with a rebel or a henchmen who was into getting chocked? Like starts force checking them and they tell him to go harder?"

Koopley:"I was stabbed to death by a naked man with a spear and my arm is perpetually running"

Koop kotu:"So I'm crazy enough to be locked behind bars but not crazy enough to think I can fly*

Bolivia:"Usually spooders have 8 arms not 8 abs"

Carbon:"I just bludgeoned Jesus to death with a stick of meat, I'm guessing he's gonna be back in a couple of days he's gonna be looking for me so we'll start running now"

Carbon:"Im done with words, shooty goody time"

Maria?:"Id have a better time cutting down bushes then these strange little robo hobits"

Belize:"Dad this is not the time to be dancing with crabs!"

Maria:"Thats my little brother, who has a fully posable deny devito action figure,I've always been jealous of that one"

Bolivia:"The turns are tabbleling"

Maria, talking about barbie:"She's not exactly the brightest tool at the picnic"

Belize:"Are you kidding me mom? Realy?, you were the one that said you're sick of seeing donkey kongs donkey dong"

Maria:"I have no idea what was in that Wonster energy drink that made him go master roshe style"

Bolivia:"I want to file a complaint against Stacy [belize] for T-posing to assert Dominance over me"

Marc:"Believe it or not dangling a padlock the size of a shoebox from a doorknob does as much work as I want to"

Caesar reality:"You can never have too many rotten floor bananas"

Carbon:"Poisoning your boss is probably not the best way to skip work, but ya boy gotta do what he has to do"

Goverman:"I'll take nicknames of my penis for 300$ alex"

Starvinden?:"I guess we'll just leave you in your special sarcophagus mr tutan-deez-nuts"[browser]

Lewis:"I've been skipping work for 2 weeks now and I'm starting to think that my computer isn't even plugged in"

Bolivia, talking to maria:"Your suit smells like a wet fart and your mouth smells like a ashtray"

Bolivia:"If anyone needs me I'll be on the insane asylum, why am I caressing a mannequin on top of a boat?"

Carbon:"Would you like to hang yourself or be crucified? Dealers choice!"

Bolivia talking about carbon:"He's doing something ingenious probably diabolical……..or he's dressed as a panda"

Marc:"We should really pay for security around here not only are people breaking in there is also a giant spine breaking chickens"

Maria to Bolivia:"You are very angry at that stake"

Sushiya, after using its products:"I wonder why was I twerking at the office statue"

IDK"WHY IS THERE A GIANT NAKED MAN IN THE LOCKER CHOCKING ME TO DEATH WITH A CHAIN??!!!"

goombell:"I guess we're gonna leave the cookie monster dildo in the locker"

Sean hampton, to Maria:"My love for you is like diarrhea, sometimes I just can't hold it in"

Bolivia:"You're watching me In a Google video platform playing a game from a Google gaming platform that was translated using Google translate, if this isn't a dystopian future I don't know what is"

Bolivia?:"I couldn't have predicted the run after her like a velociraptor made out of pool noodles"

Lewis:"Jumping Jack neighbor help me!"

Bolivia:"Bread! There's no bread,there's your bread! That's a cookie God dammit"

Belize:"So I can be invited to the worlds saddest birthday party"

Maria:"I guess we're playing ring around the Rosie till I lose his dumb ass"

Carbon:"If you see jehovah's witness you tell them to eat shit"

Bolivia:"HOW CAN YOU AFFORD A GUARD BIRD AND NOT A DOOR STOP?"

Bolivia::"For my shopping list I need to find a floppy disk with a s, but for the distraction I could use a floppy dick with sunglasses and a tie"

Carbon:"I really hoped that your little bird bath had a couple inches of water so I could steal a tiny toaster to throw it in with you"

Belize::"Its pretty safe to say Mr voice bad Benjamin good, but we just saw Benjamin talk with the grim reaper and pull around a cart wich is about the size of a child's body"

Goombell:"She may have a crush on the interdimensional death fox"

Maria:"Its like the herpes of craft supplies"

Barney one:"Everyone wants to split checks for keano Reaves, even if they're a 10ft dragon made out of logos and seizures what is going on right now?"

Sushiya, high, again:"When I dilapidated the banana and poked the mayo's brain then had an indept conversation with the strawberry cocoon did bread get arrested? I didn't see the police come by, that would make sense because the alcoholic cat ran away"

Carbon:"IF THEY HAVE AN ASS TO PULL PUNS OUT OF THEY HAVE TO HAVE A BRAIN TO THINK THEM UP"

Goombell:"I think I graduated for the university of food torture"

Well, this is all, took some time but it's here, hope you enjoyed

Frequent reblogers

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PLEASE REBLOG!

#funny #mario #paper mario #book of mario #bolivia #mary #barbie the bob omb #1000 infernal air sleeves #quotes #captainsauce #mitten squad #paul #goomb #goverman #goombell #carbon

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mrs-nate-humphrey · 3 years

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Inside to me is like a diary but also a satirical analysis. its just dans thoughts on the people around him. But I think if we called every person twists real life into fiction "creepy" we'd barely have any creators.

this is true, but there’s also a whole thing of like... you know how in books there’s always that disclaimer of ‘any resemblance to persons living or dead is coincidental’ or whatever?? there are definitely consent issues to be had in writing about real, living people in ways that fuck with them. art is art, yes, but tomorrow if i start painting nudes of real people without their consent that’s an immensely shitty thing to do and not okay on any metric, you know?

i think if vanessa hadn’t taken the book in the state it was in, dan may have edited it to be less on the nose, or spoken to the people around him about how he was trying to go for satire and gotten their consent first. like consent is THE most important thing.

also if dan had edited it a little... like, come on. blair is clair, serena is sabrina, chuck is charlie which is arguably the worst one because like, chuck is already short for charles, etc etc - like, dan didn’t do a particularly good job at making it ambiguous. anyone who read the book would’ve known who it was. if he’d made it less obviously them: like, ‘lonely outsider falls for his dream girl and then realises that dream girl is hollow and empty and her best friend who’s kind of a bitch is actually the love of his life and also the protagonist is an unlikable dick’ then i think the whole ‘it’s just fiction’ thing would’ve held up.

a book that was so transparently abt real people in the way inside was would not be received well in the real world, haha.

#sorry if i sound aggressive i just have a lotttt of opinions #anon #youre right tho! like there is nothing wrong with fiction based off real life #there's good ways to do it #and ways to do it that are not so good #it's all contextual #also im realising i probably did not phrase this very well #i think it's a pretty nuanced & messy issue dkfhklglfdkgh

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desperatelyreviewingdennis · 5 years

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Joker (2019)

This movie was phenomenal.

I honestly wasn't sure what to expect. I was interested almost entirely due to Joaquin Phoenix's involvement, but even then I wasn't expecting much from Todd Phillips of all people. Don't get me wrong, Old School is one of my favorite movies. But it's not exactly an encouraging pedigree when you're considering a dark, gritty thriller.

But the hype got to me. Good job, Warner Brothers; your manufactured incel shooters controversy won you at least one ticket sale. I hope you're proud of yourself.

So I went to watch it opening night so that I could view it untainted by whatever reviews I stumble upon before it's eventual digital release. There's going to be people that say it's terrible and other people that shout it's praises, all for political reasons, and I didn't want to slog through them. My opinions are easily malleable I'm not proud of it but here we are.

And I'm glad I did. Todd Phillips, you are officially forgiven for Road Trip.

There's not much to be said that doesn't drift into spoilers. The acting is amazing by everybody involved. The score is great, the pacing pretty good. Pick a metric and they probably get a good score.

Gun to my head, my biggest complaint would be that there's no central conflict driving the plot. It's just a story about a guy. Stuff happens to him, he happens to stuff, it's fascinating. I'm in no way demeaning the script. It's just not my cup of tea, I like there to be a clear goal the characters are working towards. It can be separate from the actual story, but I still like it to be there. To pull from the TPCU (Todd Phillips Cinematic Universe), in Old School the story was definitely about Luke Wilson character's growth, but it was in the framework of the "three dudes trying to keep the local college from stealing their house" plot.

But that's 100% a me thing. I was still competely engrossed in what was going on, and honestly the movie probably would have suffered from having such a conflict. Sometimes that's the way it goes, which is why such stories exist in the first place.

And it's funny because I remember watching movies in the past and thinking "this movie would be so much better if they hadn't tacked that completely unnecessary conflict on at the end" but I guess now I'm just some basic bitch that needs to have his stories spoon fed to him.

With that out of the way, let's get into a more detailed discussion.

First of all, this isn't a comic book movie. Let's get that out of the way real quick. It would take maybe fifteen seconds to rewrite the script into an entirely original IP with no relation to any DC properties, and it would still work. Honestly you could even keep the name, but you'd probably be better off renaming it Jester or something just to be safe. IP law is fucking crazy.

And I don't mean that in the sense of "just call Batman Nite Owl and we won't have to pay realities." I mean it would still succeed as a standalone movie, people would just think it was about some psycho in 1970s Chicago. No big deal.

BUT

Being a Joker movie still manages to improve the experience.

Part of the Joker's mystique is that he doesn't have an origin story. They've told one a couple times in the past, but it's assumed that none of them are real. The Joker is the definition of an unreliable narrator. They play with this in The Dark Knight, where he tells at least two conflicting stories for how he got his scars.

And they play with it here, too, in two different ways.

The first is pretty superficial. His literally doesn't know his own past, and only comes to realize this as the movie progresses. At first he thinks his father just abandoned them, then he learns that his father is Thomas Wayne (yes, this would make him Batman's brother), then he learns that not only is he not Thomas Wayne's son (sorry to get your hopes up Bruce) but he was adopted so he never even knew his biological mother. Oh also his adopted mother was horribly abusive and probably the cause of his "condition."

But on a slightly deeper level, we learn even the events we're shown weren't reliable. At first it's obvious day dreams: he imagines himself a guest on his mother's favorite late night talk show and giving a stand up routine at a comedy club. But both are while he's in the audience and we're shown him snapping back to reality. But later we witness an entire relationship bloom between him and a neighbor, and only find out well after the fact that none of it actually happened. So even as we're watching the Joker's origin story it's getting retconned in real time.

That realization about the fake relationship shakes the entire movie to it's core. The story is told entirely from Arthur's point of view, there is only one scene without him present. If he can insert a girlfriend into his story, what else did he add?

My guess? Basically everything.

There is one scene you can take at face value. Him talking to, and presumably killing, the therapist at the end. He's Kaiser Soze-ing her.

Starting at him shooting Robert De Niro, he’s suddenly in a cop car. No real idea how he got there, did he surrender or was there a fight or what? Then miraculously he’s broken free, and everybody present knows who he is and idolizes him. How convenient. But then the very next scene is him with the therapist, so he’s been captured again. Again, how?

But he’s been a central figure in the uprising the entire time. He triggered the damn thing. As his own mental state deteriorates throughout the movie, the state of the city also deteriorates. So that’s probably fake as well.

Also consider that there’s only one scene in the entire movie that Arthur isn’t present for. The murder of the Waynes. And oh, he was responsible for that as well.

Doesn’t that all just make more sense if its stuff he’s making up? Presumably there’s some element of truth to it. There probably were riots, they were probably triggered by three white guys getting shot on the subway, the talk show host was probably killed. Arthur might even have killed him, it was recorded live so kinda hard to fake that one. But the connecting pieces -- his mother, his relationship to Thomas Wayne, the subway murders -- were just him having a laugh at the expense of the therapist who probably thought she was getting somewhere with him.

I know I’m probably overanalyzing it. I’m making excuses for what’s maybe not great writing by inventing a meta narrative that explains away any inconsistency. But I really really like this version of the script,

#Joker #movies #long man bad

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langdons-rep · 5 years

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Playthings - Part Three (Michael Langdon x Dark!Witch reader x Duncan Shepherd)

Pt. 1 | Pt. 2

Plot: you and Michael arrive at Outpost 3 and have the pleasure of getting to know the infamous Duncan Shepherd.

Warnings: cursing, angst, mention of smut, choking, slight mention of blood kink, reader being a dom!bitch as per usual

The day after, you and Michael busy yourselves by doing your second round of interviews.

You had just finished your conversation with a shy, concerned boy that goes by the name of Timothy Campbell when a knock on your office door gets you back to reality.

“Yes?” You speak loudly, thinking it may be a servant or even Michael coming to check on you.

The door opens almost instantly, revealing non other than Duncan Shepherd.

“Well, what a pleasing surprise.” You blurt out sarcastically as he closes the opening behind.

He silently walks towards your desk, sitting on the chair in front of you just like he did the day before.

“I’m sorry, I don’t remember saying you could take a seat?” You ask him with the same tone.

He cracks up, “I don’t like being told what to do.”

“And I don’t like wasting my time, so tell me why you’re here, Mr. Shepherd.”

His lips curve into a smug smile, him wetting them before speaking again.

“Is there actually a Sanctuary?” He asks, making you raise your eyebrows at him.

“Yes.” You confirm.

“Funny choice of name.”

“And why is that?” You question, genuinely curious at what he has to say.

“I believe you’re the farthest thing from a saint, and so is your boyfriend, Langdon.You claim to be here to save us all, but I know you are not.”

You laugh at the way he labeled Michael.

“And how do you know that?” You ask Duncan, leaning on your chair.

“I come from a politics world. I know a manipulator when I see one.” The brunette replies, fiercely looking into your eyes.

“Maybe you see it because you’re just the same.”

“So you confirm that you fed us all nothing but lies.” He fires back, his gaze never leaving yours.

The fire, the tension and the anger that comes from both of you could easily lit the whole room up, you’re sure of that.

“I’m not confirming anything, Mr. Shepherd. You are not allowed to know our recruitment metrics. If you think this is your place to discuss, you’re so fucking wrong.” You spit out, before continuing.

“If that’s all you have to say, then—”

“No. I have one more thing to say.” He cuts you off, making you inhale deeply at his rudeness.

He smirks, pleased with himself to finally get a reaction from you.

“I told Ms. Venable about your last night’s…interaction, let’s put it like that, with Langdon. If you’re asking yourself how do I know about that, it’s because the walls here are very thin. And you were very loud, indeed. I’m pretty sure that even the so called cannibals out there heard you screaming like a whore.” He smugly replies, not caring about the outcome of his own words. He needs to hurt you.

You don’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing you outraged, you know that’s his point. So, you bubble up inside the intense hatred you feel for the man sitting in front of you, putting on your best stoical expression.

He notices how his words don’t affect you this time, his grin slowly fading away at your apathy.

You stand up, slowly walking towards his seat. Once you arrive in front of the insolent man, you start leaning on him. Your hands grip the arms of the wooden chair he’s sitting on as your face approaches his own.

He watches you with a puzzled look, but you don’t miss the way he stares at your lips.

“Who the fuck do you think you are, Duncan Shepherd?”

You don’t give him any time to reply as your stance straightens again. You flatten your palm and an instant force surrounds him, making him stand up and fall on the floor. Duncan’s head hits the pavement hard, and when he tries to move, he realizes that the same invisible energy is holding him still on the ground.

You devilishly chuckle at his lack of control as you circle around the brunette until you’re towering over his limbless body.

“Who the fuck are you?” He manages to speak out through weak exhales, wincing in pain.

You raise your right leg up, pressing your red Louboutin heel on his chest. Another hiss leaves his mouth as he feels the point of the overpriced fashion item piercing through his shirt, reaching his skin.

“Let’s get this clear, Mr. Shepherd.” You confidently speak, avoiding his question.

“Langdon and I are the rulers of this place, and of what’s left of the world outside. Not Venable. Not you. You seriously think that reporting our night of sex is going to do any damage to us? You think that her stupid rules actually mean shit to us?” You spit out, and you can feel his chest heaving up and down under your foot.

Duncan remains silent, for the first time in his life. He’s scared, but he’s determined to not let it get over him.

You tilt your head to the side, flashing him your brightest yet meanest smile.

“Cat got your tongue?” You repeat the words you both said to each other the day before. Your heel moves away from his chest, going further up until its tip is positioned on his neck while the sole pushes on his cheek, pressing his face on the pavement.

“Go to hell, you sick bitch.”

And you laugh. If only he knew.

“And you— get your nose out of my fucking business.” You spit out.

“Also, just try to call me a whore again and I won’t hesitate to snap your damn neck.” You end, venom dripping from every word you say. You press your shoe hard on his face one last time before letting him go.

Duncan feels himself getting out of the invisible grip that was holding him down, exhaling a long breath as he looks up at you. Even in this state, he can’t help but think about how stunning yet completely insane you are.

He quickly stands up, stumbling a little as he feels overwhelmed by the unsettling situation.

Your smug smile never leaves your face as you look at his chest and notice how your heel pierced a hole through his shirt, how you pressed so hard that his skin is actually bleeding; but he doesn’t seem to care.

“Tell me who the fuck you are.” He says through gritted teeth while grabbing your forearm.

You admit to yourself that he’s not one to give up. You’ve hurt him, humiliated him, even threatened his life, and another person in his place would’ve run away scared; but Duncan Shepherd is not like that.

“And why should I give you such an honor?” You devilishly smile at him and he tightens his grip. You squeal just a moment under his grasp and he pulls you towards him, feeling gratified at your momentary faltering.

“What an arrogant little bitch you are.”

He comments, brushing his nose against yours.

You watch him deeply in the eyes as a ferocious, vigorous rage rises inside you.

You angrily retract your arm with so much strenght that you can see the slightest hint of regret in Duncan’s eyes for even considering of testing your patience like that.

You never break his gaze as your hand wraps tightly around his throat, squeezing hard enough to make him gasp at the unexpected gesture.

“What an absolute, complete and utter pain in the ass you are, Duncan Shepherd. You really think that the world revolves around you, even when it’s shattered into fucking pieces. You think you’re in control, don’t you?”

You look Duncan up and down before slamming his figure against the wall behind as you see his blue eyes widen.

“Well, you’re surely not, Mr. Shepherd.”

You press your knee hard on his crotch, making him leave a whimper mixed with pain and arousal.

You deviously sneer at the pathetic moans that start to leave his mouth as Duncan’s hands grip your waist to pull you closer.

“I pity you. I could kill you in this exact moment and you’d probably have an orgasm from it.” You sneer at him, making the brunette look at you with a burning gaze.

“Don’t act like you’re not enjoying this, you bitch. I bet you’re soaking wet right now at the feeling of my cock on that leg of yours.”

You laugh, “You damn fucking wish, Duncan Shepherd.”

He then tries to kiss you but you are quick to reject him by squeezing his throat harder and pushing his head far more in the wall.

You inch closer to his face, your knee still agonizingly working on his growing member as you proceed to dig your nails into the delicate skin of his neck. A loud hiss leaves his mouth as you watch a driplet of blood slowly falling from one of the scratches you’ve just made; you loosen your hold on him as your head dips down into his collar to lick the red streak. Duncan mutters a low “fuck” at the feeling of your lips on his skin and that’s when an idea pops up in your mind.

You face him again, taking in the sight of the once strong, confident man reduced to nothing but a panting mess because of you.

You lick your smiling lips, thinking that maybe you’ve just found a plaything to have fun with; your mind going straight to the conversation you had with Michael when you first arrived here at the Outpost, how you were desperately seeking some kind of entertainment.

“I think you should personally meet Langdon.”

Tags: @ritualmichael @sammythankyou @queencocoakimmie @langdonsdemon @langdonscody @lovelykhaleesiii

#michael langdon x reader x duncan shepherd #michael langdon x reader #michael langdon #ff: playthings #ff #fanfiction #ahs apocalypse #ahs coven #ahs #duncan shepherd smut #michael langdon smut #duncan shepherd x reader #duncan shepherd #house of cards #witch reader #witchcraft #smut #angst #cursing

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fragiledewdrop · 5 years

Text

High school Newspaper Shenanigans

I don't have a lot of good memories about high school, but today I found a dusty copy of what passed for a "newspaper" in my school and it brought me back to when I was 16.

The girl who had been running the school newspaper for as long as I could remember was graduating that year, so she had to prepare for the final exam and university and she did not have time to edit anymore. My friends B., C., and I, in what was probably a fit of madness, decided to try our hand at it. And so I found myself co-editor of a newspaper. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but it would be one hell of an adventure.

The paper was called "Up!", after the Disney movie, for...some very creative reason I cannot remember. The first thing we did was change the title to "Up patriots to arms!"

One of the first things we had to cover was a very important, popular, yearly student strike,which would have been fairly easy, if not for the freaking tension between the two student organizations in our city. The biggest one, the "Rete" , was basically left wing - although many people didn't know or care about their affiliations- and they constantly butted heads with the student block, a group of self proclaimed neofascists who dressed in all black, used smoke bombs during protests and were always surrounded by the police.

We decided it would be a grand idea to interview the respective leaders to get both opinions on the matter.

The president of the "Rete" came to meet us after school. The highlight of the interview was when he said that his was a "non political organization", at which point we looked at each other in disbelief and asked him:"Really?"

The answer was "Yeas, although of course many of us are registered in different parties along the whole spectrum, such as..." and he started listing all left wing parties in the country, from communists to centrists, because apparently that's what he meant by "variety". Anyway.

It was time to interview the leader of the Block. He told us to wait in a square until someone would come get us.

B. and I were getting very nervous.

A guy with a shaved head and a black leather jacket came towards us. "You the journalists? Follow me"

We followed him to the lair. I mean headquarters.

(By the way, we realized we knew this guy. He was a lamb. I had no clue what he was doing there.)

The headquarters' walls were legit covered in swastikas and pictures of Mussolini. Yikes.

The leader was also very nice. Didn't stop me wanting to throttle him when he said that poor Mussolini was just misunderstood.

I had to ACTUALLY stop B. from doing something rash. No picking fights with the fascist dudes in he fascists's lair, please.

They straight up told us, I shit you not, that they were a brotherhood and, as a very effective bonding experience, they put on music and danced in a circle while whipping each other with leather belts. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. Maybe they were, but it didn't seem so. That didn't make it into the article, but it's forever etched into my brain.

I was shaken, but the double interview turned out great. #journalism

A while later we were sitting at a school assembly in the local movie theater. Everybody was complaining about the fact that our gym's roof had collapsed the year before and nobody was doing anything about it. We were taking the bus every week to a public gym, but we had to pay for it and were Officially Not Happy About It.

It was then that B. went : "You know what would be great? If we could interview the mayor about this"

I lit up. "Oh my god! We could ask him so many things! And not just about our school, but about the Linguistic High school that had to be evacuated and about [all the other schools that were literally falling to pieces. You know, Italian things]"

But the consensus was that, while we could try, it would be almost impossible for us to get an interview. So we sighed and sat back.

C.cleared her throat. "Guys." "Yes?" "You know how the mayor is a lawyer?" ".... Yes?" "Well, my dad is a lawyer. He knows him."

We dragged her to the bathroom

"We are not leaving here until your dad gets us an appointment" (poor guy)

He did

For that same night. At the town hall. At 8 pm.

We cleared our afternoon to come up with pertinent questions and practice and freak out.

At 8 we were at the town hall.

There was a red banner on the balcony with a slogan on it, that would be there for months afterwards, because...

... that same night a group of workers had occupied the town hall to demand better pay and better working conditions

Good for them

Bad for us

We were about to leave, but they assured us the mayor would be with us shortly

We waited three whole hours

During which, obviously, an old council member came to talk to us about how, if we wanted to do some real journalism, we should investigate the presence of the Illuminati in our town

Not gonna lie, we were kinda interested at that point

Around 11, the mayor called us in

I am going to concede that he must have been tired

But he was still a slimy son of a bitch

Extremely condescending

When we brought up our problems, he told us our schools were the Province's responsibility

(the Province would of course later tell us we were the Mayor's responsibility)

It was a train wreck

But eye opening

The article we wrote was extremely passive aggressive

He told C.'s father that he really liked it

I don't know if he was impermeable to sarcasm or just a politician.

Fast forward a few months. While our math teacher was talking, a giant piece of plaster fell from the ceiling, missed her by millimeters and crashed on the floor. We went on, business as usual, but that was kinda scary. And it was not the first incident of that kind to happen in our school.

We decided to do a reportage

Armed with notebooks and a camera, we went from classroom to classroom, asking students and teachers about problems with the building.

It was like opening a can of worms.

We got everything from "Oh yes, don't you see those huge holes in the ceiling and in the floor?" to "Yes, every time it rains the classroom gets flooded" to "See this giant wooden piece of tent rod? It fell on my shoulder last week. We don’t even have tents!"

Everyone had something to complain about. The teachers. The janitors. It was scary, to be honest. Especially considering we were repeatedly told ours was the safest school structure in town (what with having been standing since the end of WWI and all)

One day, while we were trying to get on the roof to evaluate its conditions, the headmistress called us in her office.

She said that she had gotten wind of what we were doing (duh)

And she hoped that we wouldn't give a bad impression of her "to parents and important people"

Because after all her hands were tied

It was the responsibility of the Mayor and the Province

(Just who the fuck was responsible for us?)

She smiled sweetly, leaned in towards us and whispered "You'll be careful now, won't you?"

She looked at me and said my name

Hoping I'd be the responsible/most easily intimidated one

(I had beef with that woman, mmmkay? But that's a story for another day)

I smiled and I told her: "Of course. We are just taking pictures of what we see. We'll let the truth speak for itself"

We did

No commentary

Just very objective descriptions and pictures

We really felt like heroes of the free press and free speech, at the service of the people despite the threat of power. (Yes, it sounds dramatic. It's because we were teenagers)

And then there were the other, less momentous adventures:

That one time when, after days of editing, we had to fill a little blank space at the bottom of the last page and nothing fit. We were frantically searching through our notes, the articles other students had sent us, drawings, everything, and we were slowly losing hope, until B. unearthed one of my notebooks and said : "What is this? 'Requiem. In memoriam termosifoni malati, ego ista verba pronuntio..." I was horrified. "NO" I yelled. "That's just a joke. We are NOT publishing that. NO WAY!" It was really a silly thing, you see. There was a radiator in our classroom that didn't work very well. Sometimes it was scorching hot, sometimes (on the coldest days, obviously) it was icy. So my friend E. and I had decided that the radiator was "sick", and we wrote its last will, its epitaph, parodies of famous poems like "La fontana malata" (The sick fountain) by Palazzeschi or "All'amica risanata" (To the healed friend) by Foscolo (can't find translations, sorry). It was fun. B.had found my silly attempt to write a "Requiem" in...kinda dog Latin I guess? But the grammar was correct. In any case, IT WAS NOT MEANT TO SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY. But we were desperate, so I relented. On one condition: it had to be ANONYMOUS. And that was the best decision I ever made in my entire life, because when we distributed the newspaper I saw a bunch of Latin teachers analising the fucking thing in front of their classes. "Mmmmhhh I am not sure an accusative was the best choice here. I would have gone with a dative." Then write your own pastiche poem, Marta! One of them had even copied it on the blackboard and was trying to figure out the metric! That was the equivalent of a 3am shitpost, not fucking Catullus, people! I have never been so embarrassed in my life! At least my friends were having a field day with it. Oh, and my Latin and Greek teacher figured it out. She read it and told me : "This was you, wasn't it?" I wanted to disappear. But she said it was funny, and that was the end of it.

All the times we had to edit what other students gave us and it was WILD, you guys. The grammar alone...The choice of topics....We got quite a few articles about UFO sightings over our town, so that was a thing. (We got to see a lot of really interesting and creative stuff, though)

The times we absolutely lost our cool, because it was hard work, okay? "Federica, your Isabel Allende analysis is a bit too long. Maybe if we cut the Scheherazade comparison..." "YOU ARE NOT CUTTING THE SCHEHERAZADE COMPARISON, B." "But.." "That is the backbone of the whole thing. The structure would collapse without it." "It's only a metaphor!" "No! I won't sell myself and my principles for a chance to be published" "Guys! CALM DOWN! It's just...essentially a book report." "SHUT UP C."[........] "I think we need to eat something" "Yeah. Should I make pancakes? With chocolate chips or without, B.? "

The time we got stuck at school because it was snowing, and C. wrote a beautiful piece called "The agonizing mesmerism of snow", and our friend P.,who was a wizard with a pencil, made an earie and amazing drawing for it that almost made me cry. Coincidentally, it was the day pope Ratzinger resigned. We thought it was a joke while still at school, then later on agreed that it was the reason it had been snowing in the first place. None of us wanted to write about the pope, so we asked the guy who was always sending us articles about the occult and arcane symbols hidden in churches. It turned out great.

The time a bunch of our more "troublesome" classmates started making hilarious dirty jokes based on Catullus' double entendres and B. promised them we would publish them (anonymously) if they wrote them down. They did, and the result was a page titled "Surrealism" full of the dirtiest "poetic" stuff in existence that made everybody laugh themselves unconscious, with the exception of some teachers who somehow didn't get the jokes.

The time we interviewed our student representative (a classmate of ours), whom B. had always thought was too full of himself and needed to be brought down a notch. So we "accidentally" misspelled his name in the article. Nobody noticed except him. He was fuming and it was glorious (not my proudest moment, but what can you do)

The time another brilliant classmate wrote a piece called "The pathologic mysoginist" that absolutely enraged some of the guys in our school. I stan her to this day.

That time I wrote a long article for Woman's day about the abuse and mistreatment of women in our country and across the world. I thought it was nothing special, really, but then Maria the janitor (the sweetest lady in existence) stopped me in the corridor and teared up a bit and said that she hadn't known about a lot of the things I had discussed, but she thought it was important to talk about them and that she felt represented as a woman and that she wanted to bring the paper home to read it to her husband. It touched me so deeply I still get emotional when I think about it.

Anyway, all of this and more happened in one year. Then we, too, had to worry about university admissions and exams and we passed the burden on to "aliens and occult" guy (who was amazing too)

But I remember the passion we poured into it, the willingness to take risks, the feeling of defying authority for the "greater good". We were idealists, all of us, and so full of hope and a will to change things in every way we could. Maybe a high school newspaper means nothing in the great scheme of things, but it meant something to us. It made us brave when we didn't think we were. It made us defiant. I wonder if that part of me is still sleeping, somewhere deep inside.

#Memories #High school #Journalism #I guess #High school newspaper #Adolescence #Adventures #Funny #I am so full of feelings right now #We were crazy #About me #Long post

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alternativewinxcontinuity · 4 years

Text

Don't mind me, just losing my mental sh*t

Has anyone else ever noticed it always seems to be the people who’ve never written/posted anything that leave the most unnecessary (and often meanest) comments?

Or the people who themselves write like they haven’t hit puberty yet but feel like they can comment like a professional editor by giving advice that is exactly the opposite of what they were just saying needs to be fixed?!

Not Winx Related, I just really needed to vent. I got a shit review on a non-Winx Story and as I bitch a little about that I'm finally taking the time to address a review I got on my GOT fic, which turned nasty that I want to pick apart, but not to his face because he is not the kind of reviewer who should be interacted with, so I'mma dump it here. (Rant un-beta'd.)

Like? You really want to leave a comment on chapter 2 of a part 30 chapter fic that you haven’t read saying shit like:

“I don’t see the point its basically a rewrite”

When, had you read even one chapter on, you would have begun to see the divergence that is about to slowly snowball out of control while the universe does its best to stay on track. (yes the 'its' typo is review accurate.)

Like buddy, I get it, you've never written anything in your life and you think this is okay to say to someone because, and this may surprise you: you're an asshole.

"The point" was that it was a fun idea, "the point" was that I was enjoying the crossover and figuring out how everything could go wrong by replacing a single major part, "the point" was many, many other people found it hilarious and so did I. Not "the point" but it was also a version of Harry Potter not written by a fcking TERF.

Or:

'This Character is just really out of character, you're doing a bad job of writing him.'

Okay *goes to check their fics to see how they wrote him to see if she can figure out where reviewer is coming from. they have no fics in the fandom.* 'hey reviewer, you say he's out of character, how would you go about fix him so he's more in character?'

'Oh well, he's just not very *season 1 characterisation despite the fact he's explicitly stated to be season 3 end of his character growth story arc*, you should have him do *a thing that is something he would never have done even in season 1*'

Or shit like (and this is a long one from 'Richard' who hid behind the Anon function):

"This is a great fic. It's surprisingly difficult for me to optimize the protagonist. So first,"

Like? excuse you? why would you need to optimize my character?

"I really hope Sansa chooses to mine the metric tonnes of valuable honey and wax from that beehive once she gets her inventory."

So I hate to admit that the honey and wax would be a good idea, and she will be getting a boon of that, but it will be because she'll be getting Bee Hives later, not because she'll think to strip mine a people in dire straights.

"Also, she has valyrian steel claws, which she now knows can dig into the rock very easily. Those crumbling ledges? She can dig new ones, she can dig a staircase. She can widen the entrance so that her soldiers come in to help mine the liquid gold. Especially since she appreciates the difference between currency and goods. Of course, maybe she'll establish diplomatic relations instead."

So I am going to look so fcking petty when I finally get the next chapter out, because I actually addressed this idea with reality. Trust me, I did some research, and while there's almost nothing easily found on how long it would take to do this sort of work by hand, what I found supported the idea that it's stupid. It takes (and I shit you not) literal days with a team of men using hand tools to carve through even a few metres of rock (the exact time depends on how hard the rock is and how large they make the opening/area).

Sansa would be literally clawing at the walls with her nails which, while yes they are Valyrian steel, are still attached to very human fingers and arms. and here's where my first hand knowledge kicks back in: I went on a mock archaeological dig when I was in high school, I spent several hours scrapping layers of compact sand to uncover artefacts, resistance levels aside, the repeated action is hell on your muscles, Sansa would spend as much time recovering as she would digging. to get all the way to the entrance would take her literal years with Richard's suggested method.

PLUS: the point of the adventures is for SANSA (and Arya) to have the spot light, to be forced to think and find ways to use the new Abilities they've been given, or to come up with new ones. It's part of my whole "Power is Earned, or it is Corrupted" mentality, if you don't work for it, you will sooner rather than later abuse it.

AND: of course she's going to use diplomatic solutions, she's Sansa, and that's what the clue of foreshadowing was saying! Literally everything you need to know to solve the Dungeons is in their individual clues!!!

"Secondly, medieval people already had long-lasting torches which burned for hours and hours instead of 5-10 minutes. Each torch looked like a pillar or stupidly elongated torch that was carried with the tip lit and burning down like a candle. They also didn't use candles as those were too expensive. They used rushes soaked in fat which could be made by the dozens to hundreds with a few hours' work. There's a youtube video on this subject entitled medieval misconceptions: torches and candles."

Oh. My. God. Such. Valuable. Information. If . Only. I had. Known. This. When. I wrote. about. reed candles. in this. very fic.

Literally of the four times I used the word candle, twice it was explicitly 'reed candles' (and guess what other name rushes go by?) and once it was a metaphor specifically about the smoke and not the candle.

As for the pillar candles, the ones that burn for hours are too heavy for someone of Sansa's size and arm strength and the hour candles, (if you've ever seen Avatar Last Airbender, the candles they used in the Secret Tunnel) are unwieldy and aren't so good for putting down in a way that doesn't risk them going out. (Putting them far enough into a wall sconce that it won't topple back out makes it very tricky to remove it.)

Which, why even bother with torches that are more effort to obtain when Sansa's powers make the 'advantage' obsolete anyway!? Not to mention: Displayed Content! If a show uses something even in the background, it exists in that world. Wax candles aren't that rare. (Also side note, because I do my fcking research: the majority of hives which supply the honey and wax to Westeros are owned by the Maesters of old town.)

"I don't really care about those things though. The latter is a mistake literally everyone makes and I didn't know was a mistake until a month ago. Which goes into my third point, how Sansa could optimize things."

Then why bring it up, especially since I didn't technically make said mistake??

"At this point she knows she needs people and she's already given her powers to someone trustworthy. She also knows that healing is a power she can give. And she knows they're going to need this at least as much as medics. And there are indeed people she trusts whom she hasn't approached with an offer of power. Ned Stark, Catelyn Stark, Lyra Mormont of Bear Island, and Tyrion Lannister. Tyrion Lannister can wait but not forever. Lyra should be approached as soon as possible."

NO. Arya was the exception, not the rule, Sansa isn't going to just go off and give her god-blessed powers to anyone else. I was hesitant to give it to Arya as it was, and only let myself because I could use the 'Arya's God is Death, there's more stakes than you thought' to fully justify it.

Tyrion as he is can't be trusted, and future Tyrion chose Dany over Sansa, neither Sansa nor Arya know how his story ended, so as far as they are concerned he's a good ally, but not actually trust worthy enough for this.

For those of you confused, Lyra Mormont is one of the daughters of the Lady Maege Mormont, and one of Lyanna's sisters. Lyra got maybe two mentions in the books and nothing in the tv series so I can only assume Richard meant Lyanna, who is currently 2 years old! But we'll come back to this, because Richard sure did!!!

As for the medic thing, I really hope Richard meant he was fcking off for good in his final word, because if he comes back, I really don't want him to think he's responsible for the medic corps that I've been planning and attempting to foreshadow with Sansa approaching Luwin, and Beth and Jeyne following Sansa's lead with archery.

Like, oh hey, guess which unfortunate field medic bride of a Stark might find her way to Winterfell if she hears about young women being trained in some basic healing to help Maester Luwin deal with any cases of over flow of patients. That's right, I'm planning for triage nurses! No magical powers required.

"I assume she's going to get glass from Lys through the Tapestry of Doors. For that she's going to need tokens. She's going to need tokens for everything, and she already knows it. So collecting and hoarding tokens should be a big priority for her. And that means going places where there are tokens to be got. Places she hasn't gone to yet, like The Wall and Bear Island. Just to get tokens."

No. Again, just NO! Sansa already stated that Tokens and relying on them were a thing that would come back to bite her, she'll horde them as she finds them, but she's not going out of her way to find them because she has things to do! Also: the Tapestry of Doors was a piece of Flavour text for way late in the fic if it ever came back, and like a Stargate, requires one at each end, so someone would have to travel to Lys anyway, which is dumb when Sansa now has a Loom which can copy any 'raw' material, and the ability to convert that 'raw' material' into any object she has the blueprint for, which she can get by 'scanning' with her console.

She just has to put 2 and 2 together!!

"She also knows there are dungeons in each place, and that she needs to get to them. And that it's better if she gets in with people. Like people Lyra trusts to whatever dungeon is in Bear Island."

The thing about the Dungeons is that the whole thing is for Sansa, some of them will have special requirements, but very few of them are crucial, they're just there so Sansa has a place and a trial to obtain Unique Items of game breaking power or ability.

"The last way to optimise her powers is one I don't think she'll take even though it has a lot of benefits. Going with a squad of soldiers into the Dreadfort's dungeon in order to confront the walking dead, with hit and run tactics slowly draining the population there. The main benefit and reason to do this is to harden and blood the soldiers to prepare them for the Long Night, so she should have the soldiers on rotation in order to expose as many as possible to the horrors to come."

Problem is the undead in the Dreadfort Dungeon aren't the same as the Wights and White Walkers, they can just be killed in the same ways. The idea of these kinds of fics is that by the time the Long Night Comes, Sansa and Arya can do most if the heavy lifting. You are right that Sansa wouldn't risk her people for some EXP though.

Sansa will be going back though, there's a pair of Shears and Needle in there.

"Also, the loot should be great. Perhaps another loom. But I would do it even for more bobbins. Or nothing at all."

Literally the Loom is a one off item. It is super powerful with what it can do in the context, so having more than one would ruin the power balance I've been trying to keep between Power Fantasy and OP Bullshit.

Someone of course pointed out that (Richard said Lyra, but responder said Lynna) Lyanna was currently literally 2 or 3 years old, she can't do shit. (they also brought up that 2 (actually 3) characters had already declined the super powers, because it included bad timeline memory downloads.) Guess how Richard took that?!

If you guessed "not well" you get a cookie!

Seriously, I was kind of annoyed at his review because^^^ reasons he was wrong about stuff, but also the arrogance of 'telling me how to optimize my character' was just, icky, so I was just going to ignore him.

But then he went (in response to the other reviewer):

"(snort) I think you need to recall what Lyanna Mormont is like at 10 years of age. She is a force and she is in charge. And what exactly is your objection, that Sansa needs consent or is preserving innocence?"

No moron, the objection is that she's literally 2 or 3 years old, what the fck is she going to do in her tiny little body? But yes, now that you mention it, Sansa (was assaulted and lost her bodily autonomy, she) would place a huge amount of importance on consent, it's one of the reasons she was so upset by Arya taking advantage of her sleepy state to get her to agree.

"Lyanna Mormont wouldn't care. Jon and Robb care, that's why their sister cares. Lyanna would never thank Sansa for trying to preserve her innocence, keep her ignorant, or keep her weak. She would be insulted."

Lyanna is literally 2 or 3 years old, she doesn't know enough to care or be insulted by not being told that she's lost the chance to remember several years of horrific shit before being violently murdered.

Also I notice you didn't say anything about the name correction. Got it wrong the first time did you?

"Which leaves only respecting Lyanna's will. Or her mother's will maybe. Or at least informing them of what she's decided to do before she does it so they can prepare. But Sansa gains nothing by not asking."

And what would she gain by asking? also nothing. Lyanna is 2 or 3 years old. Also the fic isn't about her. Why would Sansa even trust her? The child who thought she could judge Sansa for being unable to stab her way out of some horrible places? who scorned Sansa because she was femme? Because Sansa's strength isn't the same as hers so Lynna decided Sansa didn't have any?

Lynna chose Jon to lead the North over Sansa who had a better claim to the throne, Jon, who spent the entire 8th season saying how much he doesn't want to be king, Jon who legit just tried to walk away from the Command of the Nights Watch.

"And this brings up another issue, the fact Sansa never decided FOR Jon and Robb cuts both ways. She informed them of their choice and she let them make it."

"Sansa didn't keep them in the dark without informing them of the decision she was making for them, as you seem to want to do, since that definitely isn't the right thing to do. Mushroom management is a shit heap."

The boys were already aware that something was up, Sansa had nothing to gain by lying, and she made the offer before she realised the memories were a thing.

"The question to ask a toddler is "do you want to grow up?" it's not a difficult question to ask and it does have a meaningful answer. And that's the problem you have, because you already know Lyanna Mormont would say yes and you want her to say no. That's why you want the question never asked."

"You want to pretend that Lyanna Mormont, DEFINITELY in charge of bear island at 10 years of age, is a gormless wimp like 25 year old Jon Snow who refused to be king and refused to even THINK whether or not Daenerys would be a good queen by constantly uttering the refrain "she is my queen"."

Laynna was in charge because she was the last of her family, everyone else was lost fighting someone else's war. More importantly: she's not even part of the equation? Why would Sansa travel to Bear Island to ask a 2 or 3 year old if she wants to become an angry and traumatised 10 year old in a 2 or 3 year old body which will feel like a prison because she's not as tall or fast as she used to be, because she can't lift or climb or jump or ride or fight like she used to.

And for what? a few super powers she has to ask Sansa for? For mental trauma her family and friends cannot comprehend?

But no, have a look at the part where Richard really started to cross the line:

"No, Lyanna Mormont wants power, wants to grow up, that is obvious. And you're an obstacle in her way. She would hurt you for standing in her way, probably smashing a mace in your knees. And you're so weak that yes you would in fact be hurt by a 2 or 3 year old toddler. She killed a giant and she would have no problem killing you for daring to think you're a giant."

"Stand aside little man and let Lyanna Mormont have her glory."

Now I don't know what this guy's obsession is with Lyanna, but that sounded like a threat to me. Like, who tells people that a fiction character would physically maim or murder a real person just for pointing out said fictional character is 2 or 3 years old?

Lyanna doesn't want power? She's not that kind of person, even if she is fictional? More importantly:

Neither I nor the reviewer were 'standing in her way' because she's a fictional character who's not even in this fic!!!

But his behaviour was pretty shit, so I told him to knock it off or I was going to turn the review filters on.

That went about as well as you might expect.

So I was All:

[I don't know what you think you mean by 'optimize the character' but half of your assumptions are wrong, the rest run counter to my pre-existing plans and I don't care for your overall demeanour. I was prepared to leave your post be, but your recent reply is inappropriate and uses language which runs VERY close to sounding like a death threat, which I DO NOT APPRECIATE. I don't want to be 'that bitch', but I am going to ask you to please be respectful, or I will be turning on the comment filters.]

Because I don't Know if you know this but AO3 has three filters in the privacy tab of every story posted:

1] “Only show your work to registered users”

this means that you MUST be logged in to an AO3 account to even find it let alone read it

2] Disable Anonymous Comments

you Must be logged in to leave a comment

3] Enable Comment Moderation

doesn't matter what you say, with out Author OK, your review will not be showing up in the comment section.

(… tumblr just did that thing again where it refreshes in the middle of my thousands of words of text and loses all my stuff, it is literally making me want to kill myself. Because I have to retype all the responses from the next fcking section. It's my own fault for not just using a word document, but also: fck tumblr? For being stupid?)

So, from here Richard had three options:

1- Apologise and move one

2- say nothing and pretend it hadn't happened and move on

3- He went with this:

“Your Sansa Stark is weaker than canon Sansa Stark. It's true your Sansa Stark has a strictly higher level of ambition than Sansa Stark. But what she uses in order to achieve her goals, her resources, is weaker.”

“She uses actions, capabilities and skills. She uses embroidery, archery, learning (archery), she uses the people she already knows but not strangers. She uses and manipulates the people she can interact with, learn from, act upon. The level of people that is directly equal to skills.”“

She doesn't use language, nor does she use strangers. Strangers are the level of people that don't require interaction but DO require language to deal with. And your Sansa Stark's language is too weak. When she manipulates the maid in the Dreadfort, it's entirely accidentally and unintentionally.”

Sansa has seen what power does to people, she's seen what lies ahead for the manipulators of the world, she's been taught at the side of Cersei and Petyr, and she does not want to become them. For all the horrific things she's gone through, Sansa came out the other side with her compassion intact, possibly even stronger than before.

“She talks to Domeric only because she's already interacted with him, she's been healing him for days by that point. She fakes Green Dreaming to her father because she knows her language is inadequate and will achieve nothing. The way her father and mother treat her, they know mere words would be inadequate. And they would dismiss any words she said. "Haven't we told our children dreams can't hurt you?"”

She doesn't want to interact with Domeric, he looks like the man who violated her repeatedly, killed her brother and sacked her home. She wants to be as far away from him as possible. When she does end up interacting with him, despite being so sleep deprived it's a wonder she hadn't started hallucinating, she manages to win him over pretty easily.

She fakes Green Dreaming because “a god made me time travel” is not only a ridiculous concept but a foreign one as well. Why would Sansa tell her parents that when it would mean admitting to going through some horrific shit, to letting her family down and being let down by her family when Green Dreams are a known thing which explains her knowledge. It's not inadequacy, it's efficiency and an attempt to hide horrible things.

I need to point out that “Haven't we told our children that dreams can't hurt you?” is said by Catelyn in self-recrimination afterwards, and is said specifically to reference the reason Sansa might not have felt she could go to them with her problem was because it was based on dreams. Because what parent would take dreams as a serious threat unless they were a Nightmare on Elm Street survivor, especially since Green Seers have become so rare they've been relegated back to myths and stories by the time Jojen and Bran show up.

“Language requires actions such as mouthing, shouting, tonguing, but actions will never add up to language. Actions are necessary but NOT SUFFICIENT for language. This is why you can't write a single damned sentence with only actions. Try it, you won't be able to.”

I can't take this paragraph seriously if only because of the use of the word 'tonguing'. FFS, he sounds like a small child trying to convince people he's got a PhD. 'If I throw out some big words and phrase them right they'll sound 'academic' and I'll look smarter!

'I know this probably isn't what Richard meant but: Sign Language? Is literally all actions?

(Obviously real language requires thoughts and concepts to be communicated to be a language, but even the most primitive of body movements can express something: I'm hot, I'm hungry, I'm angry, etc. It might not be true language, but it is communication, which is the basis of language, the reason we made language in the first place.)

“Canon Sansa Stark had dreams, plans, and designs on what others have. She wanted to wed a prince, she had designs on the princess position. She wanted out of King's Landing. She wanted Winterfell. She wanted the Knights of the Vale to fight ... FOR HER.”

“People who had never met canon Sansa Stark in their entire lives fought and died for canon Sansa Stark's benefit. For the designs of a (her words) stupid girl. And sure, her initial designs were stupid. And they only rose up to being pathetic. But they were designs, they were dreams, they were plans.”

I need to talk about my interpretation of Sansa for a minute, because that's what I've been writing: my interpretation of Sansa.

Sansa was raised with an idea of how the world should be, not how it was. She was raised loved and protected and surrounded by men of honour. Fed stories of heroes, brave knights and valiant princes, where good always triumphed, or was romantically defeated and beautifully tragic.

She wasn't raised to expect dishonourable men and hidden motives, she wasn't raised expecting a (metaphorical) dagger in her back.

She didn't want the crown, she didn't want the throne, she wanted “the prince” from her stories, who would cherish her and care for her and give her a family filled with love. And yes the pretty dresses and the shiny jewels and the adoration and praise. But she never wanted power, that came later.

Later after she'd seen the cracks in the world and the grime beneath the gilding, when she'd learned friend and foe were often the same, that people with power would hurt her, use her, that she was nothing but a trophy to them.

Sansa wanted power because “if I'm the one with the power, then they can't hurt me any more, if I have the power I'll be safe, if I have the power then I can protect people, if I have the power I can stop people like that.”

But Sansa has never had power, it was always borrowed, an illusion that could vanish at one misstep. She had no money of her own, her blood made her valuable to others as a trade commodity, but gave her no personal power.

When people fought for her, it was never really about her.

Petyr gave her armies so he could win favour so he could use her as a proxy for her dead mother. Brienne fought to fulfil an oath to Sansa's dead mother.

The Men of the North fought for Winterfell, to get revenge on the Boltons. The Wildings followed Jon Snow. And when it was over, it was Jon who was crowned king, not Sansa the one who had to talk him into getting back their home in the first place.

Her parents and Robb fought for her, but their armies fought for House Stark, for the insult Sansa and Arya's capture and Ned's death presented.

“Your Sansa Stark has no plans, has no dreams, and certainly has no designs. She doesn't use language, because her language is too weak and has no power. She doesn't use her emotions or feelings because they are brittle and far too weak to be used. Weaker even than the emotions and feelings of a stupid girl. She doesn't use her mind or intellect because she doesn't cogitate. She uses skills and ONLY skills. To try to fake everything else.”

It's odd that he says this when he started off this response by saying my Sansa was more ambitious than canon Sansa.

First of all: I thought I was making it fairly clear that her goals were: save her family, save the North, stop the White Walkers.

Her dreams are to never be beholden to another man ever again.

Sansa wants her family alive, she wants to be safe and she wants to be free of all the political manipulations she had to sit through in the first timeline.

Second of all: Richard has clearly never been assaulted in his life in any way and I am so fcking happy for him. Really.

Look, people who suffer long term trauma, (or short term, it doesn't matter how long really) are not magically okay afterwards. The idea that sexual assault makes femme women strong is disgusting and so toxically prevalent in movies and shows and books these days its... horrific. You'll notice butch women like Arya aren't typically assaulted to be strong, because they're already so 'manly'. It was a genuine surprise when they tried to have Brienne assaulted, but that was more about showing how much of a 'good guy' Jaime was than Brienne.

You can really tell in several places that the tv series had non-con fetishists on staff.

Sansa is so brittle now, because she feels safe enough to let herself feel the fear she wasn't able to earlier, to work through the panic and the anger and all the emotions she couldn't before.

“Your Sansa Stark plans to use skills in order to change the world. And since it's obvious the world isn't run by woodcutters or farmers or archers or anyone else defined by their SKILLS, she will fail. She will fail abysmally, totally and catastrophically. She hasn't got the slightest sliver of a chance.”

Quick tally: Sansa has managed to convince her parents she had knowledge of the future, put them on track to realising Petyr Baelish was stealing from the Crown, got Stannis curious in Dragonstone, came up with a plan to gain favour for the North by helping to pay of part of the Crown's debt and has begun working on a plan to ensure more food is available for the Northerners when Winter arrives.

Not to mention, (and you'd easily miss this): Sansa has begun influencing a shift in the young women of the North who had previously been influenced by the South.

The thing is, Richard seems convinced its about the looting and the grinding, 'kill enough stuff and you become a God!' but it's not.

“So you stacked the deck in her favor. You put a high tier deity on her side. Now Sansa has a slim chance to squeak out a win, using the power she's borrowing. But here's the thing, it will never be HER win because it isn't HER power, it isn't HER plans. Your Sansa Stark has no plans, but her deity does, even if they're stupid plans of puerile amusement-seeking. So IF there is a victory at the end, it will never be Sansa Stark's victory, it will be her deity's. Because she is only a pawn, a tool, a peon, a minion.”

Richard doesn't seem to understand what the introduction of Arya's God means for the lore. The amount of death from the wars is causing Bad Things in the back ground of the original timeline.

Sansa isn't the Being's pawn, she's their start player, the Being is a sponsor who's giving Sansa the chance and resources to be greater than she was. It's not about 'puerile amusement-seeking', but how do you tell a young woman who's gone through what Sansa's gone through that the fate of the entire human race is in her hands, that if she fails it won't just be her family that falls.

If Sansa thinks the Being just wants amusement, then Sansa will act as she pleases and hope it's good enough, which puts her closer in line with saving the world than if she's actually trying to save the world, because that is a much bigger task than 'stop the issues that got my family killed'.

The Being is only victorious if Sansa is, it's their shared victory.

Now up until this point Richard has been an arrogant tool, but it might almost seem like he's being reasonable. This is where he loses the plot and just starts back on his favourite fall back: threatening people with violence.

“Now generally, when an author writes a protagonist who is a pawn, a tool, a peon and a minion of a higher power, when they write a protagonist who is WEAK, it's because they themselves are weak. Generally doesn't mean universally however, so I had to know. And now I do. You are weak Jasper.”

“You want to convince me of something Jasper. You want to convince me that I'm wrong, that my opinion is wrong, that my position is wrong, you want me to change my mind, you want me to know my plans and judgment are wrong. Because they're in conflict with yours. But how do you achieve this? By threatening me with your borrowed power. Exactly like your Sansa Stark.”

Did he have to google the list of synonyms there?

I don't know what it is about being referred to by name, but it bugs me that he chose to use only a portion of my pen-name like we were somehow familiar, rather than not using my name or referring to me as OP or something along those lines.

Also I really have to disagree that only weak people write about people being weak, but I don't think his opinions of weak and strong match with mine either.

He is wrong, but more importantly: he threatened someone with violence for daring to correct him.

I wasn't threatening him, I was warning him to stop being an asshole or I would disable anonymous commenting.

“You do this because you're weak. And what do we call weak people who complain about strong people's actions when they are the bitches of higher powers? We call them exactly what you "don't want to be", we call them bitches. You are a bitch to higher powers and you bitch about higher powers like me. You bitch about people who can use their intellects. And for a good reason too.”

“You fear my attitude because I am the bitch slapper. I slap little bitches like you all fucking day long every single day. It doesn't matter to me who it is, whether it's my own friends who are bitching, I slap them for it. And you will never ever convince me that you're right. Because you're weak. And because I don't respect bitches.”

Look, I've seen enough therapists of different varieties to pull off some impressive psych 101 bullshit so I can tell you right now: Richard is a man who has never held any real authority in his life, he has mediocre skills at best and often feels talked down to because he feels more entitled than he is and no one treats him like a god for breathing. He refuses to back down when wrong even in the face of evidence and then he pouts because the world didn't shift to match his delusions.

The worst part is I know this, and I know I shouldn't let this bother me. But it does. But it shouldn't and I can tell him to his 'face' via review reply why he's wrong, or he'll know it bothers me, then he'll feel validated, even though he's wrong. And he'll probably threaten someone with more violence and then I really will have to disable anon comments and effectively punish some readers who did nothing wrong.

“So what are you going to do to me that I care about? Stop me from reading your fic? You don't have that power. Stop writing it so that I can no longer learn how your mind works, my ulterior motive? That would be cutting your nose to spite your face. You would suffer far out of proportion to me. I would just move on to some other author. Report me? Go ahead, I don't care. Really, we're done here, so have a nice life.”

Yes I do, literally the first of the privacy filters would stop you from reading, but that would hurt my other readers who don't have an account.

'Ulterior motive'? Buddy, you apparently don't understand how any mind works.

Again: if you don't care why bring it up?

Are you really leaving though? Do you promise?!

“The only thing you could ever do to me is surprise me by ceasing to be a weak little bitch. Or even resolving to not be one. This would invalidate all of my predictions by rising to my implied challenge. That's what I like, win-win. (lol) I'm not holding my breath though.”

I don't have anything to prove to this douche tool and it bothers me that this is bothering me so much!!!! The worst part is, this review came at a time when my attention for the fic was flagging, so I'll never know if it was really this review or not that made me stop writing for the past few months?

Those of you with an AO3 account who drop by my profile to see if I wrote anything interesting may have noticed my recent 'for archive users only' locked fic. I can confirm that yes: to mental detox this review I went and watched a Chinese Xianxia drama that has become my new hyper-focus. Almost 100 plot bunnies are being posted into the locked fic in an effort to purge it rom my brain so I can get back to what I was doing. It seems to be working. I wrote about 1000 words for Episode: Sisterhood this week, so the chapter is almost done. At last!

#just blog stuff #i’m just bitching now #absolute aggro #swearing #op would like to die #not winx or alt con related #i'm just really angry about it even though I know I should know better #eleven pages of op being an angry incoherent mess

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