things-about-cars-in-posts

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

Went to get my papillomavirus shot and what did the decrepit old mall have in store for me but a Ferrari 360 Modena, called as much in honor of the famous Modena circuits, a lovely Alfa Romeo GT "Scalino", called as much because it was a Grand Tourer (man, I need to finish the body styles masterpost) with a 1300cc (cubic centimeters, you filthy yanks) engine and nicknamed as much because this specific version had a front end that left a small step-like gap between front bumper and hood...

...a Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder, called as much because the roof folds down...

...a lovely Alfa Romeo Giulietta Spider, called as much because "real Italians spell it with an i" or something...

...and finally, probably the most valuable of all of these, a fantastic Fiat-Abarth 750 Zagato, called as much because the 600 it was based on was the work of Fiat, its 750cc engine the work of Abarth, which back then flanked the name of the brand whose car they were tuning rather than outright taking their spot as it does now, and the spectacular bodywork of coachbuilder Zagato.

I mean, just look at the non-Zagato version.

Talk about a glowup.

S'yah. Get your shots, folx, the world may just smile your way! :)

#ferrari 360 modena #alfa romeo gt #lamborghini gallardo #alfa romeo giulietta #fiat-abarth 750 zagato #fiat 600

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

4. Personality, pt.2 - or The Norm(s)

Some readers (the brave few that got through the last part, at least) may have been left with the impression that cars may be able to have a personality, but still consider it as only expressing through deviance from a norm, which a car has more personality the more it deviates from and, by extension, less personality the less it does so, to the point that if a car coincides with the norm it has none whatsoever. And to that I say: 

Well, what would that norm even be?

I cannot even imagine asking that question and not having some yank bring up the fabled Toyota Camry. But that’s not a “normal” car - hell, it’s not even sold in Europe because that’s how low its demand is for sedans as large as a Camry and no more… premium than a Camry (in fact, we do get the Lexus that is based on it), and it’s stopped being sold in Japan as well. The Camry being the quintessential ‘normal’ car is a distinctly American idea, and one could transpose some of that yankiness to the spirit of the car itself. Seeking then to try a more global car, it’s easy to land on another Toyota product, the Corolla being another popular answer to the question - especially between people more exposed to drivers with lower purchasing power, because obviously, what cars are normal varies with the wealth of the people around you.

But again, I don’t think I’ve ever even seen a Corolla sedan here, because if we want a car that isn’t big and luxurious we tend to just buy a hatchback, which will either make parking much easier with a shorter length… 

…or make the most of the length at hand by offering foldable seats (why don’t all sedans offer them too???) and space atop the cargo area for tall shit to occupy.

But if we turn these versions around, what do we see?

“Hold on, that’s a different front end!”, I hear you say, and aww man, I lovingly made you a link to the post where I go over the different looks of this Corolla generation and how they were studied to blend with the local automotive landscapes! I even put up a solid half hour of fight with the Tumblr editor to fix the picture array! Don’t do me like that :’C

Anyway, a car that changes looks and shape depending on where you are is not a normal thing in itself, and it means the resulting cars will all not be normal elsewhere. So surely we must look for a car all the world got a pretty similar version of, right? And lucky you, I’ve just the thing: a car sold anywhere a car was ever sold, a car so consistent that multiple of its commercials openly bragged about how little it changed - at last, the epitome of normal car.

The Volkswagen Beetle.

What.

Is this not a normal car? How could the best selling car of all time (unless you count the hundreds of completely different cars the Corolla name has been slapped onto) not be normal? Because it’s not normal now? Well, then look at all the other ‘normal’ cars I’ve shown so far. You’d be called nuts if you tried to sell any of them today. They had fucken’ tape decks, brother.

See? There are so many different normals through space and time and communities that what seems normal to you here and now is notably ‘of this place’ or ‘of this time’ or ‘of y’all’, and recognizable as such. And even when a car seeks to be normal everywhere that it is, there is a personality in that. Because personality isn’t standing out or being compelling or piquing anyone’s interest (yes, that’s how it’s spelled). It is the sum of the ways we see the world and the things that we want and the things that we fear and how they push us to be. And the pursuit of normalcy is, inescapably, a personality trait. Even in the quest to be normal there is a personality to be found in what motivates it, what it finds as its goal, and how and how successfully the character goes about it. Huh? Did I say character? Sorry, I meant car. This is not advice on how to write ‘normal people’, it’s a post about cars. What did you think it was?

what do you like about cars?

I think you knew, upon asking this, that I could only ever have answered with either an ironic one-liner or a dozen-part novel. And unfortunately, this is already the second line, so novel it is. So then, without any further ado than the literal half year that’s gone by since this was asked, let's go.

1. Engineering matters

At the end of last year (aka when I started writing this, yikes) my dear old iPhone 6S moved on to a new home because it simply wasn't keeping up with me anymore. (And again, I was using an iPhone 6S in 2023. If I say a phone is too slow, it's too slow.) I had plenty of criteria for the replacement: a smallish screen not overboard on resolution, ideally a physical media control button and/or vibration toggle, repairability, a FUCKING AUX JACK... Something like the Sony Xperia 10, whose only real issue is marketing so trash you've only just now learned Sony never stopped making phones.

And yet...

This fancy wallpapers-sporting foldable is a Motorola RAZR 5G, a phone whose too-big screen already broke (though at the edge due to adhesive issues) and those who dared try warn repairing it will be as hard as phone repairs get. Why the fuck did I buy this? Well, because it has something more important than the aux jack, proper sizing, and good cameras: it made me go “That’s so cool!”, and when’s the last time a phone made you say that? It's the cusp of a new technology, and whether it becomes the future of phones, a future of phones, or just a weird footnote, it is an island of interesting in a sea of boring. And sadly, even this island is rapidly sinking. The drive for new form factors has already boiled down to the same two phones and their evolution is sinking into the usual millimetric proportion tweaking, camera rearranging, touchscreen expanding, case material switching, fingerprint sensor moving, and spec improvements not even manufacturers can come up with use cases for. I mean, seriously, how does the iPhone 15 differ from a software-updated iPhone X (which is apparently not pronounced "x", so I guess the iPhone Twitter)? Nothing is new. Nothing is tackled differently. The user experience does not differ. And why should it, when iPhone users will get a new one out of habit anyway and many are so tech illiterate moving a button could hospitalize them? Five generation newer and 150% faster are numbers you basically have to trust, because they don't make a difference that matters.

But in cars? 150% faster will matter alright. Even just looking at it. Cars are a visceral experience to even witness, let alone ride in or drive, and the frantic engineering pursuits for performance and overall capability actually have impactful real world implications beyond "some pockets will bulge 1mm less". And their engineering involves so many fields that there’s always a breakthrough going on somewhere - which leads to another reason their engineering is so interesting: there’s simply so much of it that anyone interested in engineering will find something for them, no matter their level or sector of expertise! Interested in mechanics? Well, obviously you’ll have a field day! Aerodynamics? Don't even get me started! Electronics? You're getting more goods by the year! It spread from engine management to safety assists to infotainment to ergonomic adjustments to even suspension and aerodynamics! Sound design? Even just working on the way engines sound is a profession of its own, let alone making these barrels of metal and glass propelling themselves at triple digit speeds through hundreds of explosions a second things you can comfortably have a conversation in - and that's not even mentioning horns and chimes! Hi-Fi? We’ve spent most of a century trying to get concert hall sound from a tiny tin can where everyone sits off-center and everything bumps and shakes around and you have maybe room for two components* a third the normal size and speakers can only be in a handful of places you wouldn’t want them which may well be the next room over**!

And this is just engineering.

*Like everything in the car world, there are exceptions to that

**For those unfamiliar, subwoofers, the speakers dedicated to, indeed, sub-bass, due to their frequent humongousness are often installed in the trunk.

#toyota camry #toyota corolla #vw beetle #i made the grave mistake of flip flopping between using vw and volkswagen in the car tags #i think volkswagen is the better choice even though it makes for longer tags #this whole blog is meant to be an accessible way to learn about cars so i try to refrain from using acronyms people may not be familiar wit #so it is kind of inconsistent to then expect people to use acronyms in their searches #but vw beetle is the tag i used for most the other posts #so it stays that way until i will go through all of them #and it is something i am planning on doing for a special post #why am i still yapping

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

My house is in front of a straight stretch of road in the middle of nowhere so I get loud cars blasting by from time to time, and every time I hear one go by I leap onto my chair to look at it go and smile and wish that I could see it closer. Whenever I am in a public place that is within sight of a road I try to make sure I sit somewhere with a visual on it so that if I hear a loud car I don't get the regret that I wasn't able to see it. Every time I happen to be around a loud car as it drives by I laugh and smile and get a good mood. This has been the case since I was a child, and now I have a car. It's not very loud (and I don't operate it obnoxiously nor play loud music - I'm not sure if the post is about people revving needlessly or blasting music or just cars that are loud in normal driving or all three), but its old age means that it would not surprise me whatsoever if very few people were impressed by it, and I've had people literally tell me to my face that cars like mine should be pressed into a cube. But for one, I like it, so I don't care. And for two, there is a handful of people out there whose day will be made by me driving by, and I know because I am one, and a single one of them is worth a thousand haters.

Do loud cars wake you up? Whine about that! If I had a loud car and you told me I woke you up by blasting by I would be mortified and seek to avoid that happening in the future. Are loud cars an issue for your job? Whine about that! If you told me "My job is in recording and your car blasting by ruined my take" I would apologize and seek to avoid that in the future. Are you talking about cars loud enough to cause hearing damage? You can literally report them to the police because that means they are not legal (unlike fucking motorcycles, which I guess are free to go ahead and blast their exhausts a foot from my face while their riders enjoy the hearing protection they would probably gladly do without because deafening yourself is cool but I digress). Do any or all of those apply? Then boy is it ever not a great idea to set them aside and instead tell loud car owners "We are not impressed by your car", the single thing they are least likely to care about. I mean, think about it. If they are someone who wants you to like them, what'll hit harder, "You annoy me and I extend my opinion to the world" or "You are actually causing people concrete grievances they are going to hold against you and your like"?

And frankly, what - do you think they even should care what you think? If someone made a post that said "no one is impressed by your neon shirt. actually we talked about it and we all want you dead" would you throw your neon shirt away?

If there is any chance these people care about you at all, it will be about your health, or at least your comfort. Not your approval. As should be.

i mean this from the bottom of my heart: no one is impressed by your loud ass car. actually we talked about it and we all want you dead.

#i appreciate that i am inevitably going to sound mad to many of you #especially any stranger who'll think “hah - who could ever write a Tumblr post this long without being engulfed in rage?” #(oh dear stranger IF ONLY) #still #do you remember that time i went over the eBay auction timer. do you remember how mad i sounded then. yeah. this is not mad me. #i just want people who aren't mad for good reason to recognize that and those who are to express that because that helps both the groups. #however -this being the clarified version already- if someone STILL reblogs or replies or sends an anon ask the likes of #“well *I* don't like it ALSO tho so what do you have to say about that you public disturbance apologist” #you are going to see *sassy* me as i will publicly and deservedly drag them for failing the reading comprehension test #enough with fostering functional illiteracy by letting a crippling fear of being misunderstood push us to consider it something to cater to #i will still obviously regret posting this but oh well #what's this account made for if not to have a bit of fun and to expose people who are not into cars to a different perspective

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

If you'll allow a little sidenote: Obviously, to call that 7 Series a driving machine would clearly be a bit of hyperbole. In fact, it showcases BMW’s strong focus on the driving experience precisely that there’s traces of it even in the least driver-focused model they offered. If you look at 90’s BMW’s idea of a top dollar driver’s car…

…it’s clear to see the 7 Series is at the opposite end of the spectrum.

So how could I say that it’s clearly the driver’s brand’s luxury car? Well, let’s take the most fancypants 7 Series interior and compare and contrast with a Rolls of the time in the same trim.

It’s almost comical. Look at those fucken ARMCHAIRS. Look at that plank o' wood. Hell, Rolls Royces didn’t just not have a manual transmission, they didn’t even have the space a shift lever could’ve gone. It’s like they were bragging about not meddling with such commoner shit.

Still, if the chauffeur type walked into a BMW dealership, what were they going to say, “Screw your money, go get a Rolls Royce”? Of course not! Not until the first BMW-Rolls Royce would come out in ‘03, and that was still years away (oh, I should get to that story at some point, it’s a whole mess). Hence, the longer "L" model (oh, the creativity) whose extra length went all in the rear legroom, and the ‘Individual’ service, which allowed buyers to make special requests regarding paintwork or upholstery or equipment and the likes. And when I say you had options, I mean you had options.

“Oh, your 7 series has a car phone? Neat. Here’s the number of my 7 series’ rear car phone. We can have a chat when I have more time. But in case I'm watching my television and don't want to interrupt it, here’s the number of its FAX MACHINE as well."

And that's not even it. This car had mirrors in the headrests, lights in the headrest mirror covers, and, because what the fuck else would do, a VHS player.

And not just any VHS player.

This VHS player! :D

Yes, (if you set the badge engineering aside) I own the same VHS player that they installed in the most fanciest BMWs you could get. And I do mean the fanciest. Not even the one Tupac was shot in had one.

And yes, (if it does or ever will work) it's going in my Golf, considerably shortening the list of ways a V12 90s BMW luxury barge is better than it.

And no, I will not put a fax machine in it. Let's leave the owners of those 12 cylinder beasts with something, right?

what do you like about cars?

I think you knew, upon asking this, that I could only ever have answered with either an ironic one-liner or a dozen-part novel. And unfortunately, this is already the second line, so novel it is. So then, without any further ado than the literal half year that’s gone by since this was asked, let's go.

1. Engineering matters

At the end of last year (aka when I started writing this, yikes) my dear old iPhone 6S moved on to a new home because it simply wasn't keeping up with me anymore. (And again, I was using an iPhone 6S in 2023. If I say a phone is too slow, it's too slow.) I had plenty of criteria for the replacement: a smallish screen not overboard on resolution, ideally a physical media control button and/or vibration toggle, repairability, a FUCKING AUX JACK... Something like the Sony Xperia 10, whose only real issue is marketing so trash you've only just now learned Sony never stopped making phones.

And yet...

This fancy wallpapers-sporting foldable is a Motorola RAZR 5G, a phone whose too-big screen already broke (though at the edge due to adhesive issues) and those who dared try warn repairing it will be as hard as phone repairs get. Why the fuck did I buy this? Well, because it has something more important than the aux jack, proper sizing, and good cameras: it made me go “That’s so cool!”, and when’s the last time a phone made you say that? It's the cusp of a new technology, and whether it becomes the future of phones, a future of phones, or just a weird footnote, it is an island of interesting in a sea of boring. And sadly, even this island is rapidly sinking. The drive for new form factors has already boiled down to the same two phones and their evolution is sinking into the usual millimetric proportion tweaking, camera rearranging, touchscreen expanding, case material switching, fingerprint sensor moving, and spec improvements not even manufacturers can come up with use cases for. I mean, seriously, how does the iPhone 15 differ from a software-updated iPhone X (which is apparently not pronounced "x", so I guess the iPhone Twitter)? Nothing is new. Nothing is tackled differently. The user experience does not differ. And why should it, when iPhone users will get a new one out of habit anyway and many are so tech illiterate moving a button could hospitalize them? Five generation newer and 150% faster are numbers you basically have to trust, because they don't make a difference that matters.

But in cars? 150% faster will matter alright. Even just looking at it. Cars are a visceral experience to even witness, let alone ride in or drive, and the frantic engineering pursuits for performance and overall capability actually have impactful real world implications beyond "some pockets will bulge 1mm less". And their engineering involves so many fields that there’s always a breakthrough going on somewhere - which leads to another reason their engineering is so interesting: there’s simply so much of it that anyone interested in engineering will find something for them, no matter their level or sector of expertise! Interested in mechanics? Well, obviously you’ll have a field day! Aerodynamics? Don't even get me started! Electronics? You're getting more goods by the year! It spread from engine management to safety assists to infotainment to ergonomic adjustments to even suspension and aerodynamics! Sound design? Even just working on the way engines sound is a profession of its own, let alone making these barrels of metal and glass propelling themselves at triple digit speeds through hundreds of explosions a second things you can comfortably have a conversation in - and that's not even mentioning horns and chimes! Hi-Fi? We’ve spent most of a century trying to get concert hall sound from a tiny tin can where everyone sits off-center and everything bumps and shakes around and you have maybe room for two components* a third the normal size and speakers can only be in a handful of places you wouldn’t want them which may well be the next room over**!

And this is just engineering.

*Like everything in the car world, there are exceptions to that

**For those unfamiliar, subwoofers, the speakers dedicated to, indeed, sub-bass, due to their frequent humongousness are often installed in the trunk.

#i have the remote too! :D #twas quite the score this #the hunt for a cheap one lasted if less than a year not much so #bmw e31 #bmw 8 series #bmw e38 #car stereos #(and technically videos)

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

3. Personality, pt. 1

Clearly, cars are way too complex and intricate to be defined by a mere list of features and specs, however long it may be. What we experience, instead, is better described as a reflection of their contexts - when they were made (see: my car and its latest incarnation)...

...where they were made (see: two models sold concurrently from Britain and America)...

...who made them and why (see: two 2012 Italian four-seat three door hatchbacks with sporty intentions and a mean exhaust note)…

…and again, these variations are much more detailed than mere size or spec differences. So much so, in fact, that once you’ve got the eye to notice all that detail, “personality” becomes the only right word for the picture it paints.

I mean, look at the Pike cars. (And if you’re unfamiliar, do so literally by viewing my post about them.) They reflect all about their story: models in those segments could only ever have been made in such low volumes in economic bubble-era Japan (a best case scenario both for funds for such shits-and-giggles projects and demand for cool tiny cars even on the more expensive side), and their groundbreaking designs blending traits from different countries and decades reflect the designers’ youth and the fashion-esque approach of the stylist that led them - and, trust my experience, there is no square inch of them you can look at without feeling that these people were having, and sought to provide, buckets of fun. Far be it from me to say that the promotional video didn’t leave my mouth agape, but not for a moment did I feel it didn’t track.

And to be clear: I am not about to claim that cars have a personality because some of them are the Pike cars. When I say that cars have a personality it’s because you can do this with any old sedan.

Well, any old sedan to you, maybe. To me, this is quintessential pre-self-parody German Big Three - tight, fit, fastidiously understated (especially for the top-of-the-line model it’s sized as), the kind of elegance that isn’t a style choice but a duty that comes with the trade. The lack of hard corners and sharp edges betray a post-80s design, but the flat sides and straight body lines betray its new-millennium “angel eyes” headlights and beautiful five-double-spoke rims to be mere updates to a mid-90s design.

But there’s more to it than that. Let’s look inside.

We need not look left and right at all its tech to figure out this really was premium stuff: it’s got a freaking car phone, and those did not live near long enough to ever trickle down to non-luxury cars like its heated seats and cruise control did. And importantly, that phone is on the front. Because this is not a car designed to drive people around, but to be driven - hence the dashboard angled towards the driver. But this not (necessarily) because the owner couldn’t afford a chauffeur, no, its top trim being well over 130.000 of today’s dollars contradicts that theory. Instead, look at the bolstered seat sides, the -albeit later and optional- three spoke steering wheel, the manual gearbox even being an option, plus the sporty rims and lower stance of this performance trim - hell, look at the mere existence of a performance trim: this is what you get when you ask a luxury car of the brand whose tagline is “Sheer driving pleasure”. And whose country has highways with no speed limit.

And if, when you look at something, you can see the culture that birthed it not just in its looks and build but in its behavior, its priorities, its attitude, its ideas about what it should be and how and why it lives up to them… Well, how is that not a personality?

If, however, you still don’t believe we can see personalities in cars without even interacting with them (which you should, it was studied), here's the Suzuki Mighty Boy:

Look at this dorky little idiot. Not one line of it goes the right way. I would trust it with my life. And, just like you, I understood why they called it that the second I saw it.

what do you like about cars?

I think you knew, upon asking this, that I could only ever have answered with either an ironic one-liner or a dozen-part novel. And unfortunately, this is already the second line, so novel it is. So then, without any further ado than the literal half year that’s gone by since this was asked, let's go.

1. Engineering matters

At the end of last year (aka when I started writing this, yikes) my dear old iPhone 6S moved on to a new home because it simply wasn't keeping up with me anymore. (And again, I was using an iPhone 6S in 2023. If I say a phone is too slow, it's too slow.) I had plenty of criteria for the replacement: a smallish screen not overboard on resolution, ideally a physical media control button and/or vibration toggle, repairability, a FUCKING AUX JACK... Something like the Sony Xperia 10, whose only real issue is marketing so trash you've only just now learned Sony never stopped making phones.

And yet...

This fancy wallpapers-sporting foldable is a Motorola RAZR 5G, a phone whose too-big screen already broke (though at the edge due to adhesive issues) and those who dared try warn repairing it will be as hard as phone repairs get. Why the fuck did I buy this? Well, because it has something more important than the aux jack, proper sizing, and good cameras: it made me go “That’s so cool!”, and when’s the last time a phone made you say that? It's the cusp of a new technology, and whether it becomes the future of phones, a future of phones, or just a weird footnote, it is an island of interesting in a sea of boring. And sadly, even this island is rapidly sinking. The drive for new form factors has already boiled down to the same two phones and their evolution is sinking into the usual millimetric proportion tweaking, camera rearranging, touchscreen expanding, case material switching, fingerprint sensor moving, and spec improvements not even manufacturers can come up with use cases for. I mean, seriously, how does the iPhone 15 differ from a software-updated iPhone X (which is apparently not pronounced "x", so I guess the iPhone Twitter)? Nothing is new. Nothing is tackled differently. The user experience does not differ. And why should it, when iPhone users will get a new one out of habit anyway and many are so tech illiterate moving a button could hospitalize them? Five generation newer and 150% faster are numbers you basically have to trust, because they don't make a difference that matters.

But in cars? 150% faster will matter alright. Even just looking at it. Cars are a visceral experience to even witness, let alone ride in or drive, and the frantic engineering pursuits for performance and overall capability actually have impactful real world implications beyond "some pockets will bulge 1mm less". And their engineering involves so many fields that there’s always a breakthrough going on somewhere - which leads to another reason their engineering is so interesting: there’s simply so much of it that anyone interested in engineering will find something for them, no matter their level or sector of expertise! Interested in mechanics? Well, obviously you’ll have a field day! Aerodynamics? Don't even get me started! Electronics? You're getting more goods by the year! It spread from engine management to safety assists to infotainment to ergonomic adjustments to even suspension and aerodynamics! Sound design? Even just working on the way engines sound is a profession of its own, let alone making these barrels of metal and glass propelling themselves at triple digit speeds through hundreds of explosions a second things you can comfortably have a conversation in - and that's not even mentioning horns and chimes! Hi-Fi? We’ve spent most of a century trying to get concert hall sound from a tiny tin can where everyone sits off-center and everything bumps and shakes around and you have maybe room for two components* a third the normal size and speakers can only be in a handful of places you wouldn’t want them which may well be the next room over**!

And this is just engineering.

*Like everything in the car world, there are exceptions to that

**For those unfamiliar, subwoofers, the speakers dedicated to, indeed, sub-bass, due to their frequent humongousness are often installed in the trunk.

#“part 3 is in the proofreading stage” i said in the blissful unawareness that it would since expand so much as to undergo mitosis #oh my charming naivete #volkswagen golf #mg midget #lincoln continental #abarth 500 #ferrari ff #bmw 7 series #bmw e38 #suzuki mighty boy

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

Do not mean to doxx, but is this a 1993-1997 Subaru Legacy? Just curious if I clocked the fender shape upon first viewing. The rims and mirror seem like a match, the tilted ashtray and right side handbrake also, and I checked and you’re indeed gay, which lends further credence to my guess.

EDIT: I forgot @wizardarchetypes may not have been notified of this because I reblogged it from a third party so I guess send it his way?

I had to escort this muskrat out of the taco bell parking lot to a nearby body of water because he was Very Lost & I just watched this video back & why am I talking to him like that….so rude…. (professional wildlife rehabber—don’t approach wildlife like this on your own please)

video closed captions: are you a muskrat? dude. where are you supposed to be right now?

#subaru legacy #perhaps

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

My dear beloved ones, I'm an idiot!

The third time I'd remade this post for publishing (because for aforementioned reason I'd queued it twice to the wrong blog without noticing) I forgot to set the poll duration to a week! I've now remade the poll to correct that. Please share this around again so others can vote on the poll and if you've voted yourself go vote that option again. Sorry for the inconvenience, and yes, more parts are coming - friend of the blog @ldub0775 unwisely offered to proofread, so if my idiocy doesn't show in the text too that's partly his merit.

what do you like about cars?

I think you knew, upon asking this, that I could only ever have answered with either an ironic one-liner or a dozen-part novel. And unfortunately, this is already the second line, so novel it is. So then, without any further ado than the literal half year that’s gone by since this was asked, let's go.

1. Engineering matters

At the end of last year (aka when I started writing this, yikes) my dear old iPhone 6S moved on to a new home because it simply wasn't keeping up with me anymore. (And again, I was using an iPhone 6S in 2023. If I say a phone is too slow, it's too slow.) I had plenty of criteria for the replacement: a smallish screen not overboard on resolution, ideally a physical media control button and/or vibration toggle, repairability, a FUCKING AUX JACK... Something like the Sony Xperia 10, whose only real issue is marketing so trash you've only just now learned Sony never stopped making phones.

And yet...

This fancy wallpapers-sporting foldable is a Motorola RAZR 5G, a phone whose too-big screen already broke (though at the edge due to adhesive issues) and those who dared try warn repairing it will be as hard as phone repairs get. Why the fuck did I buy this? Well, because it has something more important than the aux jack, proper sizing, and good cameras: it made me go “That’s so cool!”, and when’s the last time a phone made you say that? It's the cusp of a new technology, and whether it becomes the future of phones, a future of phones, or just a weird footnote, it is an island of interesting in a sea of boring. And sadly, even this island is rapidly sinking. The drive for new form factors has already boiled down to the same two phones and their evolution is sinking into the usual millimetric proportion tweaking, camera rearranging, touchscreen expanding, case material switching, fingerprint sensor moving, and spec improvements not even manufacturers can come up with use cases for. I mean, seriously, how does the iPhone 15 differ from a software-updated iPhone X (which is apparently not pronounced "x", so I guess the iPhone Twitter)? Nothing is new. Nothing is tackled differently. The user experience does not differ. And why should it, when iPhone users will get a new one out of habit anyway and many are so tech illiterate moving a button could hospitalize them? Five generation newer and 150% faster are numbers you basically have to trust, because they don't make a difference that matters.

But in cars? 150% faster will matter alright. Even just looking at it. Cars are a visceral experience to even witness, let alone ride in or drive, and the frantic engineering pursuits for performance and overall capability actually have impactful real world implications beyond "some pockets will bulge 1mm less". And their engineering involves so many fields that there’s always a breakthrough going on somewhere - which leads to another reason their engineering is so interesting: there’s simply so much of it that anyone interested in engineering will find something for them, no matter their level or sector of expertise! Interested in mechanics? Well, obviously you’ll have a field day! Aerodynamics? Don't even get me started! Electronics? You're getting more goods by the year! It spread from engine management to safety assists to infotainment to ergonomic adjustments to even suspension and aerodynamics! Sound design? Even just working on the way engines sound is a profession of its own, let alone making these barrels of metal and glass propelling themselves at triple digit speeds through hundreds of explosions a second things you can comfortably have a conversation in - and that's not even mentioning horns and chimes! Hi-Fi? We’ve spent most of a century trying to get concert hall sound from a tiny tin can where everyone sits off-center and everything bumps and shakes around and you have maybe room for two components* a third the normal size and speakers can only be in a handful of places you wouldn’t want them which may well be the next room over**!

And this is just engineering.

*Like everything in the car world, there are exceptions to that

**For those unfamiliar, subwoofers, the speakers dedicated to, indeed, sub-bass, due to their frequent humongousness are often installed in the trunk.

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

2. The depth of design (featuring a minigame)

Cars can be incredibly interesting even without digging as deep as engineering: their design alone is so complex, so multifaceted, that one could spend hours examining it. That may be hard for the untrained eye to notice, though, both because cars often strive to conceal their complexity to achieve a cleaner look and because when something is done blandly enough it becomes hard to register it as a detail in its own right. So let’s look at a Pagani, since they tend to make a big show of every detail - and, I mean, if you patented a new titanium-doped carbon fiber technology and went through the trouble of making the weave symmetrical even within single pieces, wouldn’t you want to show it off?

Oh, and those two panels on the hood? They’re aerodynamic flaps that flip up during braking, so it can stop even faster than the tires alone could manage; they even operate asymmetrically to assist in hard cornering! And now that you’ve warmed up with a couple details, let’s have a challenge: Below is a picture of the car in full. Click on it, try as best you can to take in every single little detail you can see, and only keep reading once you feel like you’ve done so.

Done?

Really?

So you noticed how the rear wheel faces are further inside the rim, right? Well, that’s pretty common in supercars, which are usually wider at the rear but keep their hubs (and by extension wheel faces) at the same width. Okay then. Now let's open the doors (and the flaps, while we’re at it) and try again. 

Done?

So you noticed the oval design motif is even carried into the seats with a hole that goes between seat back and headrests for weight reduction and ventilation? How cool is that! 

Okay, let's open some more.

Done?

So you noticed the hinges on the carbon fiber ‘box’, right? Well, that’s because those are the cargo compartments, and that side panel opens up for you to store whatever small luggage people carry in seven-figure cars!

Finally -and I’ve truly saved the best for last- look inside.

Done?

So surely you're wondering about the little scale model of itself - well, that's the key! Or rather, the casing that conceals a Mercedes Benz key, since that's who made the car's V12 engine.

You really noticed all of those things? Congrats! You can go vote that in the poll and feel good about yourself.

If you haven't, well, now you see my point: it really takes ages to run out of things to look at.

And for an additional challenge, you’ve now seen four different models of Huayra, and each has a feature (or lack thereof) none of the others have. See if you can spot them all!

what do you like about cars?

I think you knew, upon asking this, that I could only ever have answered with either an ironic one-liner or a dozen-part novel. And unfortunately, this is already the second line, so novel it is. So then, without any further ado than the literal half year that’s gone by since this was asked, let's go.

1. Engineering matters

At the end of last year (aka when I started writing this, yikes) my dear old iPhone 6S moved on to a new home because it simply wasn't keeping up with me anymore. (And again, I was using an iPhone 6S in 2023. If I say a phone is too slow, it's too slow.) I had plenty of criteria for the replacement: a smallish screen not overboard on resolution, ideally a physical media control button and/or vibration toggle, repairability, a FUCKING AUX JACK... Something like the Sony Xperia 10, whose only real issue is marketing so trash you've only just now learned Sony never stopped making phones.

And yet...

This fancy wallpapers-sporting foldable is a Motorola RAZR 5G, a phone whose too-big screen already broke (though at the edge due to adhesive issues) and those who dared try warn repairing it will be as hard as phone repairs get. Why the fuck did I buy this? Well, because it has something more important than the aux jack, proper sizing, and good cameras: it made me go “That’s so cool!”, and when’s the last time a phone made you say that? It's the cusp of a new technology, and whether it becomes the future of phones, a future of phones, or just a weird footnote, it is an island of interesting in a sea of boring. And sadly, even this island is rapidly sinking. The drive for new form factors has already boiled down to the same two phones and their evolution is sinking into the usual millimetric proportion tweaking, camera rearranging, touchscreen expanding, case material switching, fingerprint sensor moving, and spec improvements not even manufacturers can come up with use cases for. I mean, seriously, how does the iPhone 15 differ from a software-updated iPhone X (which is apparently not pronounced "x", so I guess the iPhone Twitter)? Nothing is new. Nothing is tackled differently. The user experience does not differ. And why should it, when iPhone users will get a new one out of habit anyway and many are so tech illiterate moving a button could hospitalize them? Five generation newer and 150% faster are numbers you basically have to trust, because they don't make a difference that matters.

But in cars? 150% faster will matter alright. Even just looking at it. Cars are a visceral experience to even witness, let alone ride in or drive, and the frantic engineering pursuits for performance and overall capability actually have impactful real world implications beyond "some pockets will bulge 1mm less". And their engineering involves so many fields that there’s always a breakthrough going on somewhere - which leads to another reason their engineering is so interesting: there’s simply so much of it that anyone interested in engineering will find something for them, no matter their level or sector of expertise! Interested in mechanics? Well, obviously you’ll have a field day! Aerodynamics? Don't even get me started! Electronics? You're getting more goods by the year! It spread from engine management to safety assists to infotainment to ergonomic adjustments to even suspension and aerodynamics! Sound design? Even just working on the way engines sound is a profession of its own, let alone making these barrels of metal and glass propelling themselves at triple digit speeds through hundreds of explosions a second things you can comfortably have a conversation in - and that's not even mentioning horns and chimes! Hi-Fi? We’ve spent most of a century trying to get concert hall sound from a tiny tin can where everyone sits off-center and everything bumps and shakes around and you have maybe room for two components* a third the normal size and speakers can only be in a handful of places you wouldn’t want them which may well be the next room over**!

And this is just engineering.

*Like everything in the car world, there are exceptions to that

**For those unfamiliar, subwoofers, the speakers dedicated to, indeed, sub-bass, due to their frequent humongousness are often installed in the trunk.

#I'd actually be really curious to see how people fare in this game so please give it a try and tell me how you did in the tags #and maybe send it to friends to see how they do! #hopefully it does its job #car design #pagani huayra

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

what do you like about cars?

I think you knew, upon asking this, that I could only ever have answered with either an ironic one-liner or a dozen-part novel. And unfortunately, this is already the second line, so novel it is. So then, without any further ado than the literal half year that’s gone by since this was asked, let's go.

1. Engineering matters

At the end of last year (aka when I started writing this, yikes) my dear old iPhone 6S moved on to a new home because it simply wasn't keeping up with me anymore. (And again, I was using an iPhone 6S in 2023. If I say a phone is too slow, it's too slow.) I had plenty of criteria for the replacement: a smallish screen not overboard on resolution, ideally a physical media control button and/or vibration toggle, repairability, a FUCKING AUX JACK... Something like the Sony Xperia 10, whose only real issue is marketing so trash you've only just now learned Sony never stopped making phones.

And yet...

This fancy wallpapers-sporting foldable is a Motorola RAZR 5G, a phone whose too-big screen already broke (though at the edge due to adhesive issues) and those who dared try warn repairing it will be as hard as phone repairs get. Why the fuck did I buy this? Well, because it has something more important than the aux jack, proper sizing, and good cameras: it made me go “That’s so cool!”, and when’s the last time a phone made you say that? It's the cusp of a new technology, and whether it becomes the future of phones, a future of phones, or just a weird footnote, it is an island of interesting in a sea of boring. And sadly, even this island is rapidly sinking. The drive for new form factors has already boiled down to the same two phones and their evolution is sinking into the usual millimetric proportion tweaking, camera rearranging, touchscreen expanding, case material switching, fingerprint sensor moving, and spec improvements not even manufacturers can come up with use cases for. I mean, seriously, how does the iPhone 15 differ from a software-updated iPhone X (which is apparently not pronounced "x", so I guess the iPhone Twitter)? Nothing is new. Nothing is tackled differently. The user experience does not differ. And why should it, when iPhone users will get a new one out of habit anyway and many are so tech illiterate moving a button could hospitalize them? Five generation newer and 150% faster are numbers you basically have to trust, because they don't make a difference that matters.

But in cars? 150% faster will matter alright. Even just looking at it. Cars are a visceral experience to even witness, let alone ride in or drive, and the frantic engineering pursuits for performance and overall capability actually have impactful real world implications beyond "some pockets will bulge 1mm less". And their engineering involves so many fields that there’s always a breakthrough going on somewhere - which leads to another reason their engineering is so interesting: there’s simply so much of it that anyone interested in engineering will find something for them, no matter their level or sector of expertise! Interested in mechanics? Well, obviously you’ll have a field day! Aerodynamics? Don't even get me started! Electronics? You're getting more goods by the year! It spread from engine management to safety assists to infotainment to ergonomic adjustments to even suspension and aerodynamics! Sound design? Even just working on the way engines sound is a profession of its own, let alone making these barrels of metal and glass propelling themselves at triple digit speeds through hundreds of explosions a second things you can comfortably have a conversation in - and that's not even mentioning horns and chimes! Hi-Fi? We’ve spent most of a century trying to get concert hall sound from a tiny tin can where everyone sits off-center and everything bumps and shakes around and you have maybe room for two components* a third the normal size and speakers can only be in a handful of places you wouldn’t want them which may well be the next room over**!

And this is just engineering.

*Like everything in the car world, there are exceptions to that

**For those unfamiliar, subwoofers, the speakers dedicated to, indeed, sub-bass, due to their frequent humongousness are often installed in the trunk.

#stay tuned for part 2! #sony phones *are* great btw #they are sold in actual colors and they're full of cool features #their aux jack can double as a stereo input!!!

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

Oh, guys!!!! Why did nobody warn me I didn't actually fill the bottom half slot?! >:( That makes you all share an individual bit of responsibility for the embarrassment of having to amend this post most of a year later, and since I am many fewer people than y'all I only have a minor share of the blame. Yeah, I'll go with that.

Unfortunately, while there are both CD/DVD players...

...and, incredibly enough, a half-size tape deck...

...those are both formats that can already be played by the other head units. Perhaps if I tried reshuffling the setup hard enough I could shoehorn in Blu-Ray capability (hmmm, was there ever an HD-DVD car stereo?), but you know what? Surely there are headrests for that.

So to hell with it, why not use that room for a sick graphic equalizer!

Pick your poison!

Alpine 3318 The car stereo brand rappers used to brag about bumpin' when rappers used to brag about their cars' Hi-Fi and its classic black on light blue buttons with green illumination, baybe!

Pioneer EQ-003 A unit I'm partial to as I own an EQ-001, it has three pop-out knobs, front-rear adjustment, light-up settings, and stunts on my 001 with an automatic noise sensor that turns things up as the road noise increases!

Kenwood KGC-7480 Available in silver or black, this four-preset equalizer can suit the taste of every equalizer buyer who wants a silver or black one and allow them to brag about owning an in-car equalizer so well-preserved none of those dainty little frequency levers broke off!

Clarion E019 Sometimes mistakenly referred to as the Eo19 (where "sometimes" means "some two of the half dozen times word of it has ever appeared in internet history"), it's gorgeous beyond comment. Unless this is a comment.

Watch it dance around with the music at an awkwardly low framerate! And don't let that influence you because I didn't check if Kenwood and Alpine also do that!

the Toyota Yaris is my babygirl... (I have a 2002 one which I named Tilly)

can I learn some more about my car maybe?

Call yourself Dr. Pepper because you can!

I have made a helpful diagram to illustrate.

Very happy someone asked about the car me dad was gonna buy, so I get to show its funky optical-illusion digidash that, through some magic I must say still eludes me, is made to look a lot further than it is so your eyes don't have to refocus to glance at it.

And I know what you're thinking - "Wow, digidashes are so cool, if only there was a website that collected them all" and my dear where do you think I got this image from? ;) But there's another cool thing about this image, speaking of it - what's with the coordinates in the lower display? Well it turns out that's why that button at the bottom right says "NAVI" above it - for the low low price of an absolute fucking fortune that it seems no one was willing to pay you could get your Yaris fitted with a little underseat satellite navigation unit that fed off map CDs (because people who say things were better back in the day just don't remember the details that well) and gave you directions in return!

"But wait", I hope and pray you're thinking so I get to do the reveal, "where's the screen then?" Well it's right there! What more screen do you need to be given a turn and a distance?

And that's not even all the cool tech that the Yaris ever got! In 2004, they made a special version called "Yaris Blue", available in blue, blue and blue, which offered steering wheel controls and what color was that tooth again ah right Bluetooth!

Hm. I wonder what website this image came from. Guess we'll never know. Anyway, imagine life in 2004 with a decked out Yaris: electric windows, a sunroof, Bluetooth and satnav, a wicked digidash... what else did you need? Hell, what else do you need today? Maybe a bit of space, but that was taken care of by the Yaris Verso that was introduced alongside it a couple years later! It married Toyota reliability and quality with a surprisingly spacious mini-MPV body style, with the only problem of being phantasmagorically ugly.

yeah. I don't think even in Japan you couldn't find one that looks decent.

Hm. I'm gonna need to sample the public on this one, but the fact that they call it Fun Cargo there may risk swaying me over.

They also did other fun things with the Mk1 Yaris in Japan, like calling it Vitz, giving it a turbo version because of COURSE, and making it one of Gran Turismo's most famous surprise win cars. You know how Gran Turismo has made many people, including some of y'all, fall in love with some cars? Yeah. I suspect it's done the opposite here. It is worth noting, here, that Gran Turismo random car prizes were not influenced by what cars you already had. Do you see where I am going with this.

Links in blue are posts of mine explaining the words in question - if you liked this post, you might like those!

#“why did you choose this of all things to return after a month long break?” #I was about to post something more fitting and as I was inserting a link to this realized this mistake and I wanted to link the amend #this to say there's some big stuff coming #stay tuned #equalizers #car hi-fi #Youtube

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

So, there's a funky little update. You know the Honda T360, the first four-wheeled vehicle Honda ever made? Well, if you don't, your day's about to get a whole lot better.

Damn, what's with Japanese manufacturers in the pre-VCR times and making incredibly cute kei vans?

Well, an incredibly talented model maker from Of-Fucking-Course-It's-Japan decided this exquisitely cute little thing could do with having a bit more Tyrrell to it. Thus, the T (for Tyrrell) 3600!

We are astonishingly close to my original concept. It is heartwarming to see kindred spirits all over the world.

IN A WORLD WHERE BEAUTY AND ATTRACTIVENESS HAVE BECOME SO COMMONPLACE AND MUNDANE THE EXCEPTIONAL UGLINESS HAS BECOME DIVINE

#oh japan #honda t360 #tyrrell p34

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

FOLX I HAVE GREAT NEWS THE RENAULT 5 (you know, the car mentioned in the original post as an explanation of the context for the sidenote, which is what all of you really cared about in this whole thing all along) IS BACK!!!!

It's being manufactured right now! There are preorders! That gorgeous blue is out there in the real world (where it can shine much more than in the press kit)!

And some may still be nonplussed by the news, which I would understand. Many of you are not that into cars, and some of you may be colorblind. But here is the real kicker, folx. The Renault 5 took many different forms throughout the years, and the new 5 has nods to each. And that includes the Turbo. Which inspired, among other things,

the seat design.

OH YEAH.

OH FUCKING YEAH.

To anyone who thinks the new seats look disappointingly normal in comparison, I humbly beg you to look at them in isolation - for instance, YELLOW SEATS!!!! YELLOW! (Don't worry, bad take fans, you can also have them in blue.) And if you think the yellow upholstery is the highlight of the interior, well, for one, nice pun, and for two, you need to see this. And I mean it. YOU NEED TO SEE THIS. See, this car is French. Very French. "Every single part comes from within 300kms of Paris" French. And if you're not familiar with the blog, French cars tend to always have to be weird, or at the very least have one weird thing - in good or in bad it didn't seem to matter. Well, due to complicated business reasons, that trend has kind of withered in recent years, surrendering (how French of it) to globalization and the eternal quest for mass appeal. But the 5 held this dying trend in its arms and, looking straight in its eyes, said the most uniquely, unabashedly, incontrovertibly French thing it could:

"baguette."

THIS IS NOT A JOKE. THE WICKED WICKER BAGUETTE HOLDER IS AN ACTUAL ACCESSORY YOU CAN SPEC YOUR 2024 RENAULT 5 E-TECH WITH. I AM NOT JOKING. THIS IS OFFICIAL. IT IS IN THE PRESS RELEASE. IT SAYS "PORTE BAGUETTE" ON IT. THIS IS REAL.

Which cars are most bisexual?

Ever get the chilling feeling that you made a grave mistake long ago and you are about to reap what you sowed?

In short, I hit some of my friends up to ask for help. In random alphabetical order:

@jettacar suggested the fourth gen Nissan Quest:

"It's like, no one really bought these. They aren't particularly common. But also, there's no one type of person that buys a car like this. Rationality would have you believe only families are buying this, because it's a giant minivan - but i can't immediately think of another car with a wider variety of types of people that own them right now (excluding cars that just sell incredibly well)"

Unfortunately, that made the conversation derail into minivan talk.

Up next, @rabidragon suggested the Fiat Multipla, due to its peculiar seating arrangement of two rows of three seats:

"3 seats in the front for you and your man and your woman".

Indeed, the peculiar thing about the Multipla is its row of three full-sized seats in front (many old cars had a front bench with some having three lap belts, but the Three Individual Front Seats club is as exclusive as it is devoid of prestige) and the many peculiarities that it caused, like off-center pretty much everything (mirror included) because the driver is further to the side than usual and where most of the centered things go there's now a passenger who would like to be.

But the even more peculiar thing about the Multipla is how spectacularly ugly it is. It's one of the few cars I've ever actually seen that manages to be full-on ugly not just outside but inside. Click on any list of ugliest cars in the world and if it doesn't contain the Multipla I can promise you that list was created by a machine that has since been physically shot. And if you're thinking "Well, it's not bad enough to warrant that hyperbole" - you are looking at the second generation. This is the pretty one. I put the first one and its interior at the end of the post under a read more because I genuinely did not want to be responsible for you seeing it.

I noted that Honda's FR-V managed the same seating layout with downright smart looks inside and out...

...and unfortunately that made the conversation derail into engine swap regulation loopholes.

Finally, @chevyventure suggested multiple. In (roughly) his words:

First generation Mazda 3 "It's a hatchback, good for many different uses - and Mazda is a little silly, charming and off the beaten path (if you were getting a Japanese hatchback you'd probably get a Toyota or a Honda) with a cute lil' smile like a Miata"

1988 Volvo 240 Wagon "Volvos are frequent hand me downs from family like all the cool childhood trauma the LGBTQs get"

[Editor's Note: bro.]

Renault Clio "It's peak hotness while also being cute in its own way, not necessarily preferring a masculine or feminine audience. I've never seen an ad for a Clio before, but if my assumptions about the car market are correct my guess is the normal one is kinda marketed towards women"

[Editor's note: So, I wanted to check that, so I just looked up "Renault Clio ad". These were the first two ads I found.

So yeah. I feel it qualifies.]

Unfortunately, talking about the Clio made the conversation derail into TWR's involvement in- oh wait, you're not gonna know about that Clio variant, are you.

So, many racing series can only be entered with racecars based on some production car - which is great for manufacturers, because they get to advertise their brand and one of their models simultaneously! But since there are rules on how much of the base car can be changed and how much of it must be retained, the stricter they are the more what you want as a base for your racecar is something high performance. So when you want to go racing with a dinky little thing like, say, first car to ever use plastic bumpers and only car to ever be called Renault Le Car in America Renault 5...

...what you are going to want to do is what, among many others, Toyota did with the Yaris GR and Lancia did with the Delta: the homologation special. Basically, you make a special version of the car with the characteristics you'd want in racing, sell enough to clear the rules's bar for "production car" (or at least, convince the officials you've done that), and go racing with that. So Renault did that to the 5 and hit up one Marcello Gandini to redesign it around the changes. You know, Marcello Gandini, guy most famous for designing mid-engined Ferrari-slayers:

Which makes sense, because the Renault 5 Turbo was a mid-engined Ferrari slayer. It was faster than the top-of-the-line Ferrari both in acceleration and in cornering speed. This thing.

(sidenote: The Interior. end of sidenote)

Well, twenty years on, some legend at Renault thought "You know what? We were onto something with that. Let's do that again but HARDER." Presumably, into the headquarters of Tom Walkinshaw Racing, a racing team that developed for Aston Martin, F1 teams, and made Jaguar's Fastest Production Car Ever record holder, and of course a fuckton of the most exciting racecars around, showed up uninvited that Renault madman saying "Y'all wanna work on something REAL prestigious?" before chucking them the keys to a second generation Clio and walking off with a "Don't thank me".

The result was the Clio V6, most notable for HAVING A FUCKING V6 WHERE THE BACKSEATS WERE. This car is genuinely incredible. Like, you see it and you go "Ooh ahh, the Clio V6!" and you look inside to see, you know, the huge V6 compartment thing and you see the interior and you realize this thing cost good sportscar money and when you got in it was a fucking Clio.

Mental stuff- wait shit this post was about bisexual cars wasn't it? How did the conversation derail like this? I swear this never happens. Well, I guess it's time for my pick.

Personally, chatting with Mr. Venture about hatchbacks, I realized that I cannot think of a more "girls car" than a Fiat 500 Cabriolet (which actually is called 500C) and cannot think of a more "boys car" than a Fiat 500 Abarth (which actually is called Abarth 500)...

...so how about the Fiat 500 Cabriolet Abarth?

It actually isn't called that but I think you could piece that together. As though a spoiler on a canvas roof wasn't weird enough, it contains the third brake light, probably making this the only car out there in which it can change position during use. Although I assure you, you're not gonna be thinking about that when driving it. Thing's a RIOT.

But honestly, that wasn't what I started off wanting to answer. So, last but most definitely not least, I candidate my first, gut-reaction answer: the NA Mazda Miata.

See, to me bisexuality (and pansexuality, but awareness of the nuances between them is so low they may as well be picked over flag preference) is someone appreciating all the beauty in the world, seeing no point in gatekeeping themselves out of half of it. And is that not what a spider is about? Is it not about saying "this world we're in is so full of beauty, who would rather blind themselves to half of it?". And look at the damn thing. It's bursting with exactly the kind of joie de vivre one would associate with such sentiment. It oozes enthusiastic curiosity. OwO what's this?: The Car.

Also, just look at this picture.

It can drift. IT CAN WINK. IT CAN WINK MID-DRIFT. I mean, what more than this degree of flirtatious playfulness can you possibly need to be convinced?

Links in blue are posts of mine explaining the words in question - if you liked this post, you might like those!

...

...are they gone? I think they're gone.

The Multipla pictures are down here. Go on then if you're gonna, you sick fuck.

If you have dealt with traumatic tumor-related experiences and seeing that dashboard caused you genuine discomfort, well, do not say I didn't warn you.

#it is actually real i swear #renault 5

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

Yeah. This account right here. Thank you.

Anyway, I found the promotional video for the Nissan Pao and I'm not saying you need to watch it, I'm saying you NEED to watch it. (It's a caps-sensitive statement.) It is spectacular. Gold tier engrish. Old-style illustrations with confusingly eerie undertones. 8-bit animations. Old computer graphics. At least four of my new ringtones. An MS-paint... manga? Anime? Psychedelic animations worthy of your hypno fetish blogs (you know who you are). And SO much more. This is actual, unedited, official promotional material that the Nissan Motor Company distributed cassettes of to prospective buyers and you will need this reminder. There is a bunch of people talking in Japanese, so you may want to turn on YouTube's translated subtitles, though the layers of automation mean they're pretty little use. At least, I hope that girl didn't actually say she's still a virgin. Then again, I would have thought the bit about almonds would've been an error too, but there's an illustration to match, so...

1989 Nissan Snail

#sorry for the big long break btw #you'll be told a bit more about it soon #this is not exactly how I wanted to return but it's what you're getting #nissan pao #pike cars #Youtube

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

Props for rust repair! It's a labor of love and it's not trivial! Also genuinely stoked to find someone making that fabric - we must make the crazy zebra print live on for the sake of humanity.

I was gonna ask you to talk about the Beat, since I drive one, but I saw that you already talked about them in your Cappuccino post! Thank you for talking about my favorite car 😊

(fun fact! The passenger side seat is actually smaller than the driver side, and is unable to recline)

I did indeed!

Also, wow, I knew that the center console was actually an off-center console to offer a bit more space to the driver but I had no idea even the seats differed! I guess it would make sense the passenger seat doesn't recline, since by the time you're making different seats you might as well only put the reclining hardware in the one that actually has something behind it (a little storage cubby, for those unaware).

Wait. That's behind the passenger seat. Are you telling me they put locking storage behind the seat that doesn't recline? What the fuck

Anyhow, yeah, I love the Beat. In me the tides of desire and fear, the two motivators of mankind, struggle against each other about it due to my desire to have one colliding with my fear that, should I get a minuscule Japanese spider that makes up for its lackluster power figures and overall straight line speed with sound and character in spades, phenomenal handling and great reliability, the Miata I have so long dreamed of will suddenly look like a diluted version of the car I already have. And is experiencing something better than your lifelong dream worth making all those years of dreaming build up to such a letdown as to make you drop your wish right at the cusp of fulfilling it? Is achieving heights greater than you could dream of worth noticing the summit you'd spent years climbing towards below you, realizing you climbed right past? Wow, now that I put it in writing, the answer is SO obviously a yes and even questioning it reeks of fear of growth lemme go check what the cheapest one is

#honda beat #i must also wonder if those rims are mismatched like the factory ones are

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

How much cool can you fit in one post? We must be approaching the limit!

Were those rims a factory option I've somehow never seen or did both Beats in picture happen to be fitted with the same aftermarket rims?

Wait wait wait WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THE ZEBRA FABRIC I WANT CONTACT DETAILS. I don't exactly know what I would do with Honda Beat seat fabric BUT GODDAMMIT I'LL FIND SOMETHING!!!!

I was gonna ask you to talk about the Beat, since I drive one, but I saw that you already talked about them in your Cappuccino post! Thank you for talking about my favorite car 😊

(fun fact! The passenger side seat is actually smaller than the driver side, and is unable to recline)

I did indeed!

Also, wow, I knew that the center console was actually an off-center console to offer a bit more space to the driver but I had no idea even the seats differed! I guess it would make sense the passenger seat doesn't recline, since by the time you're making different seats you might as well only put the reclining hardware in the one that actually has something behind it (a little storage cubby, for those unaware).

Wait. That's behind the passenger seat. Are you telling me they put locking storage behind the seat that doesn't recline? What the fuck

Anyhow, yeah, I love the Beat. In me the tides of desire and fear, the two motivators of mankind, struggle against each other about it due to my desire to have one colliding with my fear that, should I get a minuscule Japanese spider that makes up for its lackluster power figures and overall straight line speed with sound and character in spades, phenomenal handling and great reliability, the Miata I have so long dreamed of will suddenly look like a diluted version of the car I already have. And is experiencing something better than your lifelong dream worth making all those years of dreaming build up to such a letdown as to make you drop your wish right at the cusp of fulfilling it? Is achieving heights greater than you could dream of worth noticing the summit you'd spent years climbing towards below you, realizing you climbed right past? Wow, now that I put it in writing, the answer is SO obviously a yes and even questioning it reeks of fear of growth lemme go check what the cheapest one is

#a better artist AND a cooler car? give me a damn break!! #i mean i am not because life is not a competition and this is just a bit but yk #how am I supposed to compete with that #not to mention you even work on it like come ON #honda beat

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

Oh my you're an OWNER no less!!!!! So happy for you :D

I was gonna ask you to talk about the Beat, since I drive one, but I saw that you already talked about them in your Cappuccino post! Thank you for talking about my favorite car 😊

(fun fact! The passenger side seat is actually smaller than the driver side, and is unable to recline)

I did indeed!

Also, wow, I knew that the center console was actually an off-center console to offer a bit more space to the driver but I had no idea even the seats differed! I guess it would make sense the passenger seat doesn't recline, since by the time you're making different seats you might as well only put the reclining hardware in the one that actually has something behind it (a little storage cubby, for those unaware).

Wait. That's behind the passenger seat. Are you telling me they put locking storage behind the seat that doesn't recline? What the fuck

Anyhow, yeah, I love the Beat. In me the tides of desire and fear, the two motivators of mankind, struggle against each other about it due to my desire to have one colliding with my fear that, should I get a minuscule Japanese spider that makes up for its lackluster power figures and overall straight line speed with sound and character in spades, phenomenal handling and great reliability, the Miata I have so long dreamed of will suddenly look like a diluted version of the car I already have. And is experiencing something better than your lifelong dream worth making all those years of dreaming build up to such a letdown as to make you drop your wish right at the cusp of fulfilling it? Is achieving heights greater than you could dream of worth noticing the summit you'd spent years climbing towards below you, realizing you climbed right past? Wow, now that I put it in writing, the answer is SO obviously a yes and even questioning it reeks of fear of growth lemme go check what the cheapest one is

#well now we've gotta see it don't we? ;) #honda beat

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

I was gonna ask you to talk about the Beat, since I drive one, but I saw that you already talked about them in your Cappuccino post! Thank you for talking about my favorite car 😊

(fun fact! The passenger side seat is actually smaller than the driver side, and is unable to recline)

I did indeed!

Also, wow, I knew that the center console was actually an off-center console to offer a bit more space to the driver but I had no idea even the seats differed! I guess it would make sense the passenger seat doesn't recline, since by the time you're making different seats you might as well only put the reclining hardware in the one that actually has something behind it (a little storage cubby, for those unaware).

Wait. That's behind the passenger seat. Are you telling me they put locking storage behind the seat that doesn't recline? What the fuck

Anyhow, yeah, I love the Beat. In me the tides of desire and fear, the two motivators of mankind, struggle against each other about it due to my desire to have one colliding with my fear that, should I get a minuscule Japanese spider that makes up for its lackluster power figures and overall straight line speed with sound and character in spades, phenomenal handling and great reliability, the Miata I have so long dreamed of will suddenly look like a diluted version of the car I already have. And is experiencing something better than your lifelong dream worth making all those years of dreaming build up to such a letdown as to make you drop your wish right at the cusp of fulfilling it? Is achieving heights greater than you could dream of worth noticing the summit you'd spent years climbing towards below you, realizing you climbed right past? Wow, now that I put it in writing, the answer is SO obviously a yes and even questioning it reeks of fear of growth lemme go check what the cheapest one is

#okay that's a bit of a bluff because I have a search saved that will email me whenever a new one is put for sale #so I would absolutely know already #but yes i did in fact go and check anyway #turns out as i already knew there are a couple at 5-6k #these are CHEAP folx #i fully recommend #honda beat