#also i just watched grave of the fireflies again

[daemon-in-my-head]

I'm not over it, but really, Durgetash is just a story about loss and loneliness.

These two people have lost literally everything, their homes, their families (if they even had one to begin with), their freedom, they even lost their own godforsaken personhood. They were stripped of absolutely everything. They were reduced to less than nothing.

And then they turned around and found each other, somehow, by a twisted blessing of the fates they got to start building a home, reclaiming their personhood, working hard on gaining that freedom. Gortash literally welcomes Durge back home. It's not welcome back. It's specifically welcome back home. They made themselves a new home. Perhaps the first one they ever had.

And then they had everything ripped away from them yet again. Every last bit they worked so hard on crushed and crumbled to nothing with no way to fix it ever again. Because the loss had been so great, there was no way for recovery. No way to repair their little, frail shack they called home. And that loss must've been far more painful, because now, at least one of them, still knew what it was like to have a home. And yet it was taken away from them once again.

But despite that I still think about what would've happened if Durge had woken up with their memories intact. If they had taken on that journey knowing fully well who they were and what was on the line. I wonder if that time could've changed them or if they would've just ran back home, utterly blinded. Because yes it was shit back there. Yes they were doing unspeakable things and forced to do unspeakable things. But at least they had a home. They had someone. At least they weren't alone after decades of having nothing. After years of being so alone they found belonging and companionship in a literal murder cult. I wonder if they would've just hurried back because getting to save yourself is great, but perhaps just getting home a day earlier would be even greater.

Did not mean to post that post from earlier so I actually had to go wade thru my fucking drafts. This is hell.

#also i just watched grave of the fireflies again #mightve contributed to this post #i cried my fking eyes out so ill share the pain #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #bg3 gortash #enver gortash #durgetash #bg3 durge #lord gortash #gortash x durge #durge #dark urge

[mechawolfie]

binged a bit of dororo might have cried a little at the moriko song eps & now my head hurts 😫

#smudgy.txt #i wanted to make my sister watch it & ended up watching it also. pain #i didnt think this show would still have me in such a vice grip oagh #girl help the anti-war story told thru the eyes of the ppl effected by it is once again tearing my heart out #ill be honest tho i do like these stories. grave of the fireflies & in this corner of the world are like tangentially similar #maybe bc im just so used to war stories being abt Brave Heroes Sacrificing Themselves For The Greater Good type narratives (<- USAmerican) #that its just refreshing to see one thats like. hey this shit SUCKS and there are no Heroes & no one wins #man i need to watch fireflies again

[susansontag]

studio ghibli ranking list let’s go

(will include nausicaä and the red turtle)

the these-are-actually-bad section:

24. earwig and the witch

actually the only one I haven’t watched so it’s cheeky to put it here. but I won’t be watching it and no one will blame me.

23. ocean waves

who sincerely cares about these teenagers they’re so annoying. if the boys had been gay it would have honestly been homophobic.

22. pom poko

this film is about shape-shifting raccoon dogs waging a war on humans and there’s copious jokes about their testicles. so on paper a perfect film. execution wise it’s so long and so boring and you care about none of them.

the cure-for-insomnia section:

21. tales from earthsea

hayao miyazaki was right to walk out of this one even though he probably is a terrible father for having done so. some of the animation was really nice but these protagonists made me yearn for the ocean waves cast because at least they have semi-personalities.

20. castle in the sky

proof miyazaki was judging his son too hard for earthsea because this is basically his version of the same thing: a nice idea with good animation and the most boring boy/girl protagonists imaginable. has got that whimsy he does so nicely however.

the passable-films section:

19. the cat returns

but should he have? was that really necessary? has a scene of cats walking in a procession on their hind legs though so that’s a plus.

18. arrietty

visually gorgeous but otherwise a very run-of-the-mill adaptation of the borrowers, which in something that should feel wondrous is less than ideal.

17. my neighbors the yamadas

some harmless and inventive fun that you can put on in the background whilst eating lunch or doing some light yoga stretches.

the don’t-harm-me-I’m-right section:

16. howl’s moving castle

yes I do in fact understand the intricacies of the plot and I still don’t care. this is one of ghibli’s messiest films for sure, it can’t decide what it wants to be or focus on and the plot just seems to happen and then not happen for no good reason. I also think howl’s a whiny bastard and hate that sophie has to mother him and endure his contemptible man tantrums. a shame because she’s actually cool.

15. grave of the fireflies

it was sweet but I’ve watched more moving animated films set in war-time, even. I don’t have much desire to watch it again honestly but maybe I will at some point.

the this-is-getting-there section:

14. the red turtle

I liked it! an acquired taste but I really felt the harshness of the elements and the cruelty and the love. it's also very beautiful to look at, one of the most visually arresting ghibli productions.

13. only yesterday

a tale of two films with this one. the parts where she's a young girl are much more interesting, but if this had stuck the landing and it'd been more even overall, could have potentially been a favourite. alas.

12. the wind rises

a genuinely weird one in ghibli's lineup, in which miyazaki meshes two different stories together (one of inventive 'genius' and a doomed love story, respectively) in a likely attempt to try and grapple with his having chosen his career over all else, including family (noteworthy is that his wife was not able to retain her career as an animator). as a piece of art it's less whimsical and more mature than many of these films, but I struggle to not let my distaste for what it potentially represents get in the way of my appreciation for it as a film, but it's so blatantly personal that it's impossible.

the that-was-just-a-good-fun-time section:

11. nausicaä of the valley of the wind

aesthetically one of the coolest films on this list but I don't remember the story as well. great protagonist too. must have been great to experience when it first came out in the '80s.

10. porco rosso

I love this film about a tomboy mechanic and some pilot guy who went off to war and was so changed he is now a pig. watching it feels like if the mediterranean was so small it fit into your back pocket and was also populated by all your friends all your enemies and your ex-lover also.

9. from up on poppy hill

I found this one boring the first time I watched it but it really grew on me with subsequent rewatches. I really like her predominantly female household and the community they share in the backdrop of the rest of the drama is sweet. the bit of drama midway through is still batshit though but in a loveable, disney-would-never way.

the near-perfect section:

8. the tale of the princess kaguya

probably takahata's magnum opus with the studio, if slightly overlong. folktales are tricky because they tend to feel moralistic and the characters one-note if you're not willing to build on them but kaguya herself feels very spirited and alive. the prettiest on the list too I'd say.

7. my neighbor totoro

cozy late summer comfort film. perhaps even more special now because I was able to see the london production. cute!

6. when marnie was there

surprised this one has ranked so high for me but that's the power of tomboy lesbians heck yeah etc. also the fantastical element of this one is so up my alley and touches upon a particular kind of childhood nostalgia I have of being in old houses and imbuing them with magical qualities. the image of anna facing the house across the marshland is burned into my retina.

the I'd-die-for-her section:

5. princess mononoke

aesthetically too cool for school and has one of the best ghibli villains and female characters (lady eboshi). they really said all the spirits of the forest are going to die in this one but well it was a nice thought.

4. ponyo

my comfort movie of all-time! heartwarming! with another great female ghibli character in lisa, sosuke's mum who is legally allowed to drive like that apparently. also one I actually watched for the first time in my childhood when I was around 7 or so at an after school club. the subtitles taught me the useful and now underused gem of a phrase "bog off".

3. kiki's delivery service

asks the important questions such as: what if you were a young witch from a dying tradition who moves to a gorgeous town in sweden? what if your remarkable gifts were no longer appreciated due to rapid advancements in aviation technology? what if you could live in a bakery?

2. spirited away

when you're just a timid child who is scared of admittedly a lot and your parents manage to mess everything up spectacularly so now you're forced to work at the age of twelve for people who steal your identity. still one of the best honestly they may never top this as the peak of their artistic achievement.

1. whisper of the heart

have you ever been a struggling artist? have you ever been in love? have you ever been obsessed with john denver's take me home, country roads? in all seriousness love a story of two artistically inclined people inspiring each other and this has a unique feel compared to other ghibli films forever favourite probably. it feels like basically no one has watched it and that's a shame. rest in peace yoshifumi kondō.

#this took fucking ages #I welcome discussion #studio ghibli #moth.txt #moth rankings

[yourlocaljonghoe]

Forever Lucky. || Choi San.

Summary: Losing your beloved companion hurt you to the core, but your boyfriend was there through it all.

Pairing: Choi San x female Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Wordcount: 0.4k

Warnings: Death of a pet, dealing with loss

A/N: This was not meant to be my first fic here. On October 23rd, just yesterday, my beloved cat passed away. She was with us for ten years. We have no idea how she died, our neighbor found her dead outside and gave her to us. We will bury her later today. Dear princess, I love you. I miss you. I hope your life was fulfilled. We will meet again, I just know. Pet loss is something indescribable. Treasure every second with your pet. I was not prepared for this and I don't think anyone ever will be. Hug your fur baby for me <3 Divider credits to @firefly-graphics!

Available here on AO3.

You stood in the dimly lit living room of your small flat, tears streaming down your face as you cradled Lucky, your beloved cat, in your arms. San, your sweet and caring boyfriend, kneeled beside you, his hand gently stroking your back as he tried his best to offer comfort. His touch was soothing, yet it could not take your pain away.

"She was such a beautiful little girl," you said, your voice thick with emotion. "Lucky brought so much joy into my life." Your words trembled, and you couldn't help but bury your face in Lucky's soft fur, inhaling her familiar scent one last time.

San's soft voice filled the silence, his tone filled with empathy. You knew he was hurting too; your lover was a cat person after all. "I know, Yn. Losing Lucky is heartbreaking. But we'll remember all the joy she brought us and keep her in our hearts, okay?"

You nodded, unable to form words as the weight of the loss consumed you. San gently took Lucky from your grasp, cradling him carefully. Together, you moved to the small garden outside your flat, a hushed atmosphere encompassing the surroundings.

With trembling hands, San dug a small hole in the soft earth, the sound of the dirt being moved reverberating in the quiet evening air. You watched, tears still flowing, as he gently placed Lucky's lifeless body into the ground.

As San began to cover the tiny grave in silence, your heart ached with the realisation that you've lost not only your feline companion but also a piece of yourself. She was by your side for ten years, accompanying you through your hardest teenage years and early adulthood. Emotions swirled within you - the sadness, the grief, the longing. All you wanted was to hold her forever, hearing her soft meowing and purrs again and again. Realising you could never have that again broke you, and you began to start silently sobbing again.

But in that sombre moment, covered in darkness and surrounded by memories, you found solace in San's unwavering support. Together, you stood there, you and San, hand in hand, embracing the deep pain that binded you both.

As the last handful of earth fell onto the grave, San turned to you, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

He knew that neither today, tomorrow or any day soon would feel good, but he was there to comfort you through it all. And one day, that he knew, you could move forward together again. And then you would look up at the sky and smile, knowing your little princess was with you forever.

Until then, Choi San was right by your side.

#ateez fluff #ateez x reader #ateez scenarios #ateez #ateez angst #ateez au #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez imagines #ateez reactions #ateez san #atz fanfic #choi san x reader #san x reader #san fluff #san fanfic #san ateez #san atz #san angst #choi san #choi san fluff #choi san fanfic #choi san fic #atz angst #atz au

[whatsnewalycat]

Psychomanteum / Chapter 9

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x F!Reader

Chapter 9: Dearly Departed

Chapter Summary: You and Dieter use the psychomanteum again, then go out on a date.

Rating: Explicit (18+ only)

Word Count: 8.3k+

Content / Warnings: alternating POV, psychomanteum, talk about addiction, grief, homophobia, infertility, suicide, violence, fluff, sexual tension in public, cigarettes & smoking, river, restaurant, praise kink, fingering, the driver deserved that tip and more, disaster bisexuals

Notes: Chapter title from "Dearly Departed" by Shaky Graves. Just a heads up, since we're going back into the psychomanteum, there's a lot of heavy shit in here. Also I will definitely be releasing a little mini not-really-a-chapter with Lua and Dee's sex toy play that takes place between this chapter and the next because I think that's fun even though it's not super relevant to the story lol.

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“Ok how the fuck did we do this last time?” you mutter as you drop two folded black top sheets onto the floor of your closet and squint up at the popcorn ceiling. 

“I think we tacked them up,” Dieter answers, his brown tootsie pop eyes sticking to the tall chest of drawers against the westernmost wall. His fingers thrum against the mahogany and he raises an eyebrow at you, “Is this where you keep your sex toys?” 

You plant your hands on your hips and tilt your head, an amused smile creeping across your face, “That’s what you’re thinking about right now?” 

A wide grin dimples his cheeks and he swings his head around to meet your gaze, “Look, I’ve always wanted to meet them in person.” 

You start to feel flushed and tingly when you recall the dozens of times you’ve lined the collection up across your comforter, letting him select one or more. The video calls where you’re splayed out on your bed, headphones whispering his instructions right into your ears, what he wants you to do to yourself for his viewing pleasure. The wet slap of him getting off on it from his bedroom almost three thousand miles away. His own private cam girl. 

“Don’t run off on me this time, I’ll let you play with them ‘til your heart’s content,” you smirk and drop your eyes to his lips, watching his pink bubblegum tongue dart out and coat them with saliva. The shiny, eau natural gloss gains your undivided attention. 

It’s maddening how two pillowy pieces of flesh fill you to the brim with desire. But after six weeks apart, you’re obsessed. In his absence, you’ve been starved for his touch. All you want to do is kiss him. Hold him. Fuck him. The heat of his skin against yours has become a necessity as basic as shelter, food, water, oxygen. 

By the way Dieter has been worshiping every square inch of your body, responding to each needy affection with enthusiasm. You can tell that he’s been famished, too. 

Yesterday afternoon, Dieter pushed the door to your apartment open the second you flipped the lock and threw down his suitcase, grabbing your face and kissing you like he just returned from war. He pinned you against the wall and groaned against your mouth, “Oh my fucking god I missed you.”

This morning, his warm brown eyes followed his fingertips as they traveled the roads of scar tissue on your leg and arm, lips curved in a serene smile. So content learning each intimate detail of your body. Like if he memorizes every scar, every tic, every spot that makes you putty in his hands, he’ll never have to be apart from you. 

You watched him practice this reverence while combing your fingers through his unruly locks. He was nestled into the softness of your belly, using it as a pillow. Tiny, heated flutters like hungry fireflies chittered away in your chest cavity as you told him, “I think I’m ready to do it again.”

He raised his eyebrows and smiled up at you, “You are insatiable, doll.” 

Despite the teasing comment, you could see his flaccid cock surge with want. Your face flushed and you giggled, “I’m not talking about that.”

He looked up at you with those sweet puppy dog eyes and waited for you to elaborate. 

“I want to try the psychomanteum again,” you explained timidly, resisting the urge to break eye contact, “I think I’m ready.” 

His adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, then he asked, “Today?” 

“Sure,” you brought your hand to his face and rubbed your thumb against the scratchy gray patch in his beard, “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, though.” 

He scooted closer to you, scooping you up in a warm embrace. His lips pressed gentle against yours. A hot, fuzzy tightness knit itself around your heart. When he drew back, you pushed your fingers through his mop of curly brown hair. His eyes softened into a ganache as he watched you do this. 

“I’ll do it,” he finally responded. Hesitancy quivered the edges of his voice. 

“You don’t have to,” you assured him. 

“I know, love,” he mumbled and grabbed ahold of your hand, then laid a kiss on your wrist and held your palm against the heat of his cheek, “But think I’m ready, too.” 

Now, as he plops down in the tangerine armchair and squints into the mirror, dipping and tilting his head to test different angles, he tells you, “I think we’re ready to roll.” 

“Oh yeah?” your thumb turns white with pressure as you pierce a clear thumbtack through the black bedsheet, driving it into the popcorn ceiling. You look down at him from your perch on the highest flat of your step stool and ask, “Wanna flip a coin to see who goes first?” 

Dieter gets to his feet and offers up a hand to you, which you take and descend the step stool. 

“I’ll go first,” he tells you, interlacing his fingers with yours, leading the way out of the closet, “And I swear to god I’ll scream if you tell me I don’t have to do that.” 

“I was not going to say that,” you protest, but have to clamp down on your smile that would tell him otherwise. 

He turns around and raises both eyebrows at you, grinning, “Wow, you’re fucking terrible at lying.” 

“I… am a great liar,” you push his chest playfully, making him smile wider as he pulls you into a hug. 

“I’m just kidding, you’re an excellent liar,” he mumbles against your hair. 

“Really?” 

“And gullible? Wow,” he teases, then starts giggling when you scoff in faux indignation and poke at his belly. 

You pull back to search his face as your giddy smiles soften and sober. Worst case scenarios swim around your head and make you dizzy. 

“For real, you’re gonna be ok?” you whisper, grazing his cheek with the back of your hand. 

He leans into the touch and his shoulders relax, a pleased smile spreading across his face, “Don’t worry about me, sweetheart, seriously.” 

“Ok,” you breathe. 

The nerves must be rolling off of you in waves, because his dark eyes dart around your face and he sighs. He cups your cheeks with his hands, leveling his gaze with yours, “Lua. Do you know what we have planned for tonight?” 

You blink and nod. 

“I’m taking you on a real date. Like a fancy-schmancy date where I have to wear a tie and underwear.”

“Dee, underwear is an everyday-“ 

“Then we’re gonna come back here and play with your sex toys.”

“Oh, and I made a cheesecake!” you tell him. 

“You… made a cheesecake for us?” he raises his eyebrows and searches your face. When you nod, he throws his head back and smothers you in a hug, groaning as he rocks you from side to side, “Louella, you’re fucking amazing holy shit.” 

You hug him back. A spring of joy bubbles up inside you and you laugh at his infectious enthusiasm. 

Dieter pulls back and meets your eyes, “I’m not gonna bail on you. Do you believe me?” 

“Yes,” you smile. And you mean it. And you can tell that he knows it’s the truth. 

In an attempt to vent the thick black cloud that collects soot in his chimney throat and makes him choke, he reminds himself that things are different now. He’s been practicing. Rationing his grief in manageable chunks. Allowing James to come out of the lockbox in his head for short periods of time to stretch his legs with little incident.

He intakes a sharp breath through his nose, the exhale whooshing out his exhaust pipe lips, allowing him to breathe just a little easier.

Dieter imagines a pack of Pall Malls. The maroon fliptop box that fits in the palm of his hand, the tobacco company’s name in Art Noveau over a silver seal.

When he sees the Pall Malls, he sees General Thompson plucking a cigarette from his tight, lipless scowl. Sees the gruff, soulless man grinding its glowing orange cherry into his son’s forearm. Smells the seared flesh. The howling from his lover’s throat echos in his skull.

It happens every time he spots a pack of this particular brand of cigarette. The memory an intruder in his brain. This is usually where Dieter tries to put an end to it, shoving James back into the depths of his brain in a desperate attempt to make it stop before it could show him what happened next.

Because what comes next is the wet smack of General Thompson’s swollen knuckles on his son’s face. His freckled, sunburnt cheeks an unnatural purple that puffed up under his skin. His delicate lips split and oozed a thick, deep red that Dieter wished he could kiss away.

But he couldn’t. His joints all seemed to be superglued in place.

After this, there’s the sound of James screaming. It filled his brain with TV static. It still does sometimes. He stood there, frozen in place, and wished the screaming would stop.

Until it did.

Then Dieter realized how much worse it was when James went silent. Just the thud of one body hitting another. In this dreadful muted thudding of flesh on flesh, a switch flipped and propelled Dieter forward, yanking General Thompson off of James.

He’ll never forget the horrifying realization that his limbs could move the whole time.

Dieter’s stomach twists and sours like it always does. He takes another deep, venting breath, exhaling the dense plume of guilt that builds up in his lungs. Pushes past the scent of burnt skin and the paralysis. He sees the Pall Malls again. He remembers better things.

A shed that was down by Lejeune High School’s beat-up outdoor track that he and James used to frequent. The tawny gravel littered with stomped out cigarette butts. Their daily ritual of going against the tides of their classmates rushing to the cafeteria for lunch to sneak behind the shed.

Every day, James leaned against the shed, red paint chips flaking on his shoulders like dandruff. He would fish out two mashed up Pall Malls from his pocket, then hand one to Dieter. A cigarette pinched between their index and middle fingers, the boys would cough and giggle from the tobacco high. They were hidden from sight except for two blue smoke stacks that rose from their side of the shed, which no one ever seemed to notice.

They had a similar ritual on Saturdays at The VIP Lounge.

Sharing cigarettes to stretch them out further. James seemed to lodge the filter deep into the wet of his mouth when he took a drag. It was always damp with his saliva when passed back to Dieter. He didn’t mind. In fact, for a long time, he thought that would be the closest they would get to kissing, the cigarette a surrogate for them to swap spit.

Dieter thinks about New River. How it would cool their heated skin on the hottest North Carolina days. The baptism of its current washing away smoke residue, traces of their teenage rebellion, before they had to return home and resume the roles they played for their families.

He remembers going there for the first time, when James told Dieter there was a place he liked to go to and write. A secluded beach. 

“Sounds exclusive,” Dieter smirked.

“Practically a dang VIP Lounge. You’ll see,” James responded as he heaved a backpack over his bony shoulders. 

Going there for the last time, after James was discharged from the hospital and Dieter’s family was packing their belongings. Moving once again. He waited until nighttime, when the house was silent and he was sure everyone was asleep, then snuck out the backdoor, tiptoeing through backyards to the Thompson residence. 

All the lights were off, but Dieter tapped on the window pane of James’s room until it slid up, revealing his still puffy and mangled face in the moonlight. 

“Can you sneak out?” Dieter whispered. 

James nodded solemnly and mumbled, “Gimme a sec,” then slid the window closed. 

A few minutes later the window slid back open. Out came James, backpack in hand as he landed on the grass with a quiet grunt. A worn baseball cap kept his face hidden in the shadows. He swung the backpack onto his shoulders and started off. 

Dieter followed, already knowing where James was headed. 

The forest they had traversed many times before was dewy and soft under his feet. Dieter became nocturnal. His ears seemed to dial up the chirping of crickets and croaking of frogs, the rustle of ferns and tree branches, the hard thudding of his aching heart, the buzzing of his frayed nerves. The rumble of the river grew louder and louder, until he breached the clearing to The VIP Lounge. 

By then, the rumble was a roar. 

James dropped his backpack on the damp sand with a muted thud and unzipped it. He pulled out a quilt and handed it to Dieter, who shook it open and spread it flat. Dieter sat down on the blanket, watching the way James kept his head tilted down, his battered face hidden by the bill of the baseball cap. He pulled out a baggie of cigarettes and a lighter, tossing them onto the quilt haphazardly before taking a seat next to Dieter. There was a metallic clinking from the backpack, and James handed Dieter an aluminum can of Busch Light. 

Neither of them spoke. 

New River’s roar was background to the tsch-hiss of their beer cans opening, the slurp of Dieter’s cautious sip, the glug-glug-glug of James chugging half of his in one go. The resulting belch was so loud in contrast to all the other hushed noises, it made Dieter snort a laugh. James laughed, too, a high-pitched giggle that stabbed Dieter’s ear drums in a way that he missed dearly. 

It seemed to cut the tension. Both boys relaxed and scooted closer to the other, and James asked, “You’re movin’, huh?”

“Yeah,” Dieter answered, glancing over at James, hoping to see his face. It was just a shadow. 

He turned his gaze back to the river, finding his vision sharpened in the night. The moon, a ripe, glowing cream-colored circle, hung in the sky above them among an infinite number of diamond-like stars that varied in size and purity. Moonbeams shone silver streaks across the thick, inky black water. Specks of sand glittered in the light. 

“I don’t wanna be here anymore,” James confessed in a hoarse whisper. 

“We could run away,” Dieter turned to James, finally catching a glimpse of his face in the moonlight. His heart pitter-pattered with hope. Immediately, his brain started working on a plan, and it flew from his mouth rapid-fire, “I- I have my chore money and could take some from Ma’s purse. We could go to New York, find places to work. We could write, we- we- could act-” 

James raised his beer can to his lips and tilted it back, taking big swallows until it was upside down and empty. He crushed it between his palms and tossed it next to his backpack, then pulled out another. 

As he cracked open his second beer, he shook his head, “S’not what I mean.”

The silence that followed was so heavy, it broke Dieter’s heart. The life he had just dreamed up for them on the spot was shattered into pieces. 

“What do you mean?” Dieter spat. 

“Nothin’, nevermind,” James murmured, then hugged his knees to his chest, dangling his beer in one hand while the other wrapped around his shin. 

Dieter stared at the boy, trying to control the heated flame of rejection in his chest from shooting from his mouth. Like he was some kind of ill-tempered fire-breathing dragon. 

“I jus’ mean… Maybe my story doesn’t go that far, y’know?” 

And if Dieter knew then what he knows now, that this was a cry for help and not a breakup, maybe things would have ended differently. Maybe he would have stayed next to James on that beach until the sun rose. Maybe he could have begged James to change his mind. Maybe they would have run away together. 

“So that’s it? You’re done with this?” Dieter bit off, his anguish disguised as rage.

And if Dieter knew then what he knows now, that rage was the only language his sadness knew how to speak, maybe things would have ended differently. Maybe he would have stayed and told James about how scared he was to lose him. Maybe he would have promised James that he didn’t deserve what happened to him. 

But that’s the thing about things. They’re exactly the way they are. No backsies. 

“Guess so,” James answered in a croak. 

“Fuck this,” Dieter muttered, then got to his feet and looked down at the baseball cap that covered James’s face and spat, “Fuck you, James.” 

He tore through the forest trail, fighting off branches, kicking blindly at ferns and bushes, trying to shove down the sorrow that felt like drowning. It quivered in his chest, trying desperately to claw its way out. When he arrived at his house, he snuck inside, back to his bedroom. 

There, with his face smothered against his pillow, a comforter tenting his head, Dieter released his anguish. His pillow absorbed the tears and the sobs. He cried until the springy fabric was sopping wet and his voice was hoarse. 

Dieter thinks about all of this now. About how much he wishes he could redo that last conversation. How he wishes James could have known that Dieter loved him. How he wishes James could have seen that there was so much more for life to give him. 

This heavy, midnight blue fills his chest with lead. Loads a backpack full of rocks. Sinks him to the bottom of New River. 

His eyes brim with tears when he looks up into the psychomanteum and sees the mirror reflecting those shiny silver streaks across the current of thick, inky black water. 

A chill ripples across his body and leaves his hairs standing in its wake. He stays there, up to his chin in the cold water, grounding himself from the pull of the undertow. He ignores the smoke signals clogging his throat, hazing his mind. 

Then, it’s warm. And calm. And sunlight is kissing his skin. 

James is there. 

Dieter can’t see him, but his presence fills the space like a shimmering golden fog that makes him feel weightless and peaceful. A sense of total oneness. 

“I’m so sorry,” Dieter tells him, the message only a thought that’s absorbed into the ether. 

“Ain’t your fault,” is the response that comes, “None of it, y’hear?” 

A lump surfaces in Dieter’s throat, and he chokes out, “I could have-”

“Coulda woulda shoulda,” James chides. 

He smiles as a sob bubbles up his throat. 

“I’m happy, Yay-go. I’m at peace. I want you to know that.” 

A wave of relief washes over Dieter. Tears roll hot down his cheeks. The nickname rings in his ears and rolls off his tongue, “Yay-go. I forgot you called me that.” 

“I see you been makin’ it in Hollywood. Mighty prouda you.” 

“Thanks,” Dieter chokes out, “Couldn’t’ve done it without you.” 

“You gonna try writin’ again?” 

Dieter shakes his head again, “I literally can’t do that without you.” 

“Fuck you can’t,” James scoffs, “You were just as good as me, don’ you remember?” 

“That’s a goddamn lie.” 

“It’s the goddamn truth, brother, whether you believe in it er not.” 

“Fine,” Dieter concedes, “I’ll try.” 

“Alright, you take care now, y’hear?” 

“I love you,” Dieter tells him. 

“I love you, Yay-go.” 

When Dieter emerges from the closet, his eyes are puffy, red, and shrink-wrapped with tears. A jolt of panic surges through your body. You jump off the bed and rush over to him, holding a palm to his chest, “You ok?” 

He nods and sniffles, glancing around the room before locking his eyes on yours. As soon as they do, they overflow with tears. You cup his cheeks and whisper, “You did great, Dee.” 

His face crumples at this. An empathetic ache radiates across your chest. You envelop him in a hug, and he returns it, burying his face in your hair with shaky sobs.  

After a minute, he pulls back and sniffles, “Wow,” he shakes his head and throws a hand up, running it through his hair, “That was fucking crazy.” 

“It’s a lot to take in,” you press your eyebrows together and nod. 

His face crumples again, “God, it was just so good to hear his voice.” 

Your eyes start to tingle and your throat cramps up. You manage to croak out, “I’m so happy for you, Dee.” 

He pulls you back into an embrace that warms your insides, “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome, love,” you mumble back, closing your eyes as you hug him back. 

He hums and nuzzles against you, “Are you ready?” 

The question, although innocuous, sends your heart racing. A panic fills your chest and tightens the cords of your neck. You thought you were ready. You swore you were ready. But what if it doesn’t go well?  

“I’m scared,” you admit in a whisper. 

The wet gulp of his throat only incentivizes your nerves. He probes, “What are you afraid of?” 

You push the words from your knotted vocal chords, “He was just… fuck, so hard to talk to at the end, ya know?”

“Are you scared he’s going to be like he was then?” 

You nod. Tears burn behind your eyes. Thick phlegm coats your throat and makes it hard to breathe. You inhale a shattered breath, then whimper on the exhale, “What if that’s just who he really was?” 

“Come on, Lua, do you really think that’s true?” he pulls back and meets your shiny bloodshot eyes with his own. When you shrug, his shoulders deflate, “I promise it’s not.” 

Your panic starts to protest, “But he’s been bothering yo-”

“He’s doing it because I can see him. It’s the same with all of them,” Dieter searches your face, then tells you with conviction, “Speaking from experience, that thing he was when he was fucked up was not him.“

You know he’s right, really. 

But what if he’s not? What if I fell in love with a monster in disguise? And what if I’m doing it again? 

Then you see Dieter’s eyes, all doughy and sad. You see the fragile pieces of him, his softness and his warmth. There’s a darkness in there that’s dialed up when he’s on blow. 

You know Ethan was the same way. 

All the blackened parts of him floated to the surface when he was on a binge or coming down. Those hard edges, they were a part of him, but they didn’t define him. Everyone has those undesirable qualities they’re able to keep hidden until circumstances make it impossible, yourself included. 

You drop your gaze and nod, “You’re right.” 

“Lua, look at me, baby” he murmurs, and you meet his eyes again, “You can do this.” 

“I can do this,” you repeat, then take a deep breath. 

When you were a kid, you had this toy called a View-Master. 

It was a Christmas gift from your parents and came with 6 different reels that each had a theme, like Bugs Bunny, Wild Animals of Africa, Charlie Brown’s Summer Fun, etc. The reels were sturdy cardboard discs with 14 pieces of film spliced into squares around the circumference. When you loaded a reel into your View-Master, you brought the device to rest on the bridge of your nose like binoculars, pointed it towards the light, and voilà! A 3D image. 

Each image change was punctuated by the click-slide of your View-Master turning the reel and exposing two new splices of film to the light. Very analog. 

You used to sit in the bay window of your childhood bedroom in Ohio and go through each reel, yanking on the handle seven times to ensure you saw all seven pictures. You would load your reel for Wild Animals of Africa: 

Zebras

Click-slide

Lions

Click-slide

Giraffes 

Click-slide

Antelopes

Click-slide

Elephants 

Click-slide

Hyenas 

Click-slide

Crocodiles 

Click-slide

Zebras 

In the past year, you’ve been flooded with thousands of memories of Ethan. It’s as if each day, your grief would decide to set off into the dense forest of your mind with a little foraging basket. Throughout the day, your grief would dump the basket out at your feet and ask, “Can we make sense of it now?” 

And you would tell your grief, “No. None of it makes sense.”

So it would go out again, filling the wicker basket to the brim, emptying it at your feet. Again, you wouldn’t be able to derive anything from this mess. Grief would dump the memories again and again and again until they were piled above your head and you would say, “That’s enough! I’m fucking drowning!” 

But even then it wouldn’t stop. It would sift through the pile and shove them down your throat, “What about this? Is this something?” 

There you were, every single day, choking on the memories of your life with Ethan. Sometimes you thought it would kill you. Obviously, it never did. But there were some days you would have preferred death over this torture. 

The forest of your mind has become picked over. Grief has slowed its frantic collecting, tired of finding the same things over and over again. Most days, it’s manageable. You don’t feel like you’re drowning anymore. 

Every once in a while, it comes to you bearing something shiny and new, asking with hope, “Is this it?” 

And you clear your throat, testing its width and integrity, and you know it won’t choke you. Not actually. 

And, throughout the past year, where grief has replaced your husband as your primary partner, you’ve been able to reduce this tragedy to seven distinct 3-D images. Of course, nothing will make it make sense, not really, because tragedy is senseless. And nothing will make him come back, not really, because Ethan crossed the threshold of death where there’s no return to his body. 

You can’t say he stayed behind the thick membrane of the afterlife because he’s still here in some ways. Not in the memories that grief brings you or cheering from the sidelines, like how it is with your dad and grandparents. Ethan does exist in these ways, but also as a presence that clings to your skin and makes your hair stand on edge. Tangled in the thin veil between this life and the afterwards. 

But those seven images you’ve isolated into a View-Master reel… you know that there’s something significant held in those moments. 

The honeybees that crawled around your bridal bouquet. 

Click-slide

The fingerprint ink pad when you were booked for drug trafficking charges. 

Click-slide 

The infinite, tunneled reflection of the mirror maze. 

Click-slide

The IV drip of antibiotics being replaced with another as Ethan cried and held your hand. 

Click-slide

The pile of crescent moon fingernail clippings on your mother’s dining room table. 

Click-slide

The black ink stain on your carpet. 

Click-slide

The picture of him and his brother that you found on the floor of his room. 

Click-slide

The honeybees that crawled around your bridal bouquet. 

You’re in the psychomanteum, gripping the tangerine armchair so hard your knuckles are tinted white. You only allow yourself to glance at each image for a moment before yanking on the lever for the next. When you reach the beginning of the reel again, you study the mirror and only see opaque, unmoving blackness. What Dieter told you that day in his suite at the Plaza echos back into your mind:

“He tries to talk to you. But you’re closed off. That’s why he couldn’t come through the psychomanteum.”

The click-slide of the View-Master makes you flinch. You slow down this time. 

The fingerprint ink pad when you were booked for drug trafficking charges. Under arrest for selling controlled substances in the 4th degree, a Class C felony in the state of New York. The cops tried to plea bargain with you, offering to drop charges in exchange for testimony against your husband. Your assigned public defender urged you to take this deal, but you refused. 

“You should’ve taken it, Lou,” Ethan told you afterwards, “Don’t ever take the fall for me like that again, you hear me?” 

Click-slide

The infinite, tunneled reflection of the mirror maze. Where you and Ethan, stoned out of your fucking gourds, found a little boy crumpled on the floor crying. You consoled him and then the three of you found your way to the exit together and returned the boy to his mom. 

“We parented the shit out of that,” he told you later, “I think we’d make a pretty good team.” 

Click-slide

The IV drip of antibiotics being replaced with another as Ethan cried and held your hand. An OB/GYN just advised that the infection was so severe, your reproductive organs were damaged beyond repair. The scarring told the doctors that conception would be almost impossible. 

Ethan’s choked sobs, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I should have told you.”

Click-slide

The pile of crescent moon fingernail clippings on your mother’s dining room table. Ragged edges where they were just attached to you. Your mom screaming at Ethan, “You ruined her fucking life, you worthless piece of shit.”

You stop there. 

The memory settles in your body like you swallowed a quart of battery acid. Your throat burns and your eyes well up with tears. The caustic substance eats through the layers of your stomach and pools inside you, liquefying your guts. 

You look up at the mirror and all you see is the blackest ink in the city and a fucking abyss of darkness and nothing at all. 

Your grip on the chair tightens. More than anything in the world you want to leave. But you somehow know that he can hear you and you need to tell him. 

“Ethan-” 

A sob catches in your throat. You bury your head in your hands and squeeze your eyes closed, trying to calm the hysteria buzzing across your tightening skin. When your breath starts to even out, you continue in a shaky voice, “I- I know you’re here. And- and I’m sorry, I don’t think I can do this right now. It’s too hard. I’m sorry. It’s-”

An unbearable ache radiates from your heart. You sag down further into your own lap, digging your fingers into your hair and tugging at it just to feel some kind of external pain, “It’s my fault. I know it is. I’m s-s-so sorry.”

It’s like your whole body is collapsing in on itself, dissolving cell by cell without mercy. Your heaving chest pulls your sobs so tight they just come out airy like a dog whistle.

“Lou, it’s not your fuckin’ fault,” Ethan’s coarse voice cuts through your mind like a machete. 

Your spine stiffens and you sit up, wiping the hot tears from your face, “Wh-what?”

Just when you think it was your imagination, some kind of an auditory hallucination your inflamed mind conjured up to make you feel better, you hear him again. 

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. Christ’s sake, Lou, of course it’s not your fault.” 

You blink and sniffle, furrowing your brow when you see that you’re still in the psychomanteum, mirror unchanged. 

“I love you and I’m sorry,” he cuts through again, “But it’s not your fault and I couldn’t let you go on not knowing that, ok?”

And you feel him, like you used to. Before the coke deteriorated him into a stranger. His presence is a blanket around your shoulders, protecting you and keeping you warm. 

Your heart pounds so thick with love it’s like a miracle salve on your open wounds. The tissues and organs so putrid and rotted, a puddle at your feet just a moment ago, start to regenerate and reassemble. 

Your chest flutters and you nod, “Ok. I- I love you too.” 

“I know you do, baby.”

You whisper, “I miss you so much. Fuck, it sucks so much without you.” 

He doesn’t say anything, but you understand that he hears you. 

You swallow the thick saliva in your throat and ask him hesitantly, “How do you… feel about Dieter?”

“You know, I always liked him,” Ethan tells you, “Triangle guy. Know who else is a triangle guy?” 

Your stomach flips and you chuckle, dropping your gaze to your trembling hands “Me.”

“That’s right,” he says, and you swear you can hear the smile in his voice, “Listen, Lou, I want you to be happy.”

“Ok,” you sniffle. The ache in your chest swells. You twist around the plain white gold wedding band on your ring finger. 

“Does he make you happy?” 

“Yeah,” you smile and your vision goes blurry with tears as you nod, “Yeah, he really does.” 

“Well, there you go.” 

You wipe your eyes on the sleeve of your sweater and chuckle, “You gotta let him be, though. Stop trying to scare him off.” 

“Hey now, I just needed to get your attention. You don’t have to worry about me any more, ok? I’m gonna get out of your hair.” 

“Can I visit with you this way? With the, um, psychomanteum?” 

“Anytime, babe,” his voice is warm and reassuring, “Hey, remember our first dance? That Everly Brothers song?”

“Yeah,” you grin, then sing softly, “Whenever I want you, all I have to do is dream. Dream, dream, dream…”

His presence starts to wane.

Then he’s gone. 

You take a deep breath and fold your legs up underneath you, dwelling in the stillness. The ache in your body fades into a whisper. Your crying slows to a trickle. 

When you swing the closet door open and step into your bedroom, you find Dieter pacing back and forth at the foot of your bed. He strides up to you immediately, his brows pressed together and warm brown eyes wide with worry. His hands cup your cheeks as he searches your face with the silent question: Did it work?

Tears burn behind your eyes again, a fresh new wave. Residual sorrow. Relief. You manage a tight nod before the sobs start vibrating through your ribcage. 

“C’mere sweetheart,” he rumbles, presses a kiss into your forehead, and pulls you into a hug. 

As you let the heaviness inside your soul expel through your heaving chest, Dieter guides you to your bed. You follow his persuasion, curling up against him. He holds you close and pets your hair, assuring you in a hoarse whisper, “You did great, Lua. I’m so proud of you.” 

You wipe your face with the sleeve of your sweater and meet his gaze, “Thank you.” 

His lips twitch into a smile and his thumb grazes your cheek. You relax into his side again with a content sigh, feeling the emotional fatigue start to set in, “I’m so sleepy now.” 

“Take a nap, doll,” he murmurs, “I’ll wake you up in time to get ready.” 

His thumb works against your shoulder in a soothing back and forth rhythm. It works like hypnosis, lulling you into a deep seeded comfort, blooming in your chest with a yawn. Your bones feel heavy inside your body.

“Mmmm ok,” you manage to slur out before your eyelids flutter shut and the world goes dark. 

The main dining room of Gabriel Kreuther is lavish, but cozy. Wood beams stretch up the walls towards the curved ceiling, from which a flock of sparkling crystal storks hang. The table cloth and wide, upholstered chairs are a creamy white. Rosé cloth napkins and a gold lamp sit on the table and add a touch of soft romance to the atmosphere. 

Dieter sits perpendicular to you, grinning as he watches your sparkling eyes study the menu. His gaze drops down the black satin shoulder straps of your dress, following the plunging v neckline. He licks his lips. A wave of smooth, shiny fabric flares out from the cinched waist.  That fucking dress, Louella, holy shit. 

“Is it too boob-y?” you asked him after getting dressed, looking down into your own cleavage with a frown. Then you turned around and showed him the back, adding an addendum to your question, “Or too short?”

Most of your back was left exposed by the garment. The hem sat just below your ass, teasing his hungry eyes. To most people, the answer would probably be yes. But he fucking needed to take you out while wearing it. Needed to show you off and make spectators ripe with envy at this stunning woman he somehow managed to woo. 

He ached with lust and shook his head, practically drooling, “I refuse to let you leave in anything else.” 

Dieter drinks in your form now, thinking of all the things he wants to do to you. Imagines his cock smashed between your tits, thrusting slick along your sternum as you push your tender flesh together around him. Imagines your pink painted lips sealed around his girth, face shiny with spit, eyes watering as he fucks your mouth. Imagines your cunt, all swollen and begging for attention. Sliding his finger along the wet seam of you, watching the breath enter your lungs in a gasp. 

“Are we doing three courses or four?” you ask, pulling him from his depraved thoughts. 

He clears his throat and scoots his chair closer to the table, trying to conceal the erection that manifested while his mind ran rampant, “Fuck it, let’s do four.”

Or five, he thinks, imagining himself crawling under this table on his hands and knees just to taste you. 

“You ok?” you chuckle, raising an eyebrow at his lingering gaze. 

He looks around to make sure nobody is within earshot, then leans in and husks, “I want you so fucking bad right now.”

Your lips part and your tongue darts between them, then your eyelashes flutter, “Well, you’re gonna have to be patient, then, aren’t you?”

A hum emits from his throat involuntarily. He throbs against the seam of his pants. 

You react to this with a quick glance to his mouth as you purr, “You’re gonna be a good boy for me, right?” 

He swallows a moan. Your lips curl into a sultry, knowing smile. You press your eyebrows together, batting your lashes, pouting your lips, “Because good boys get rewarded. Is that what you want?” 

“Holy fuck-” he rasps, leaning towards you.

“Yes or no,” you’re so close he can feel the words against his lips. 

“Yes,” he croaks. His ears feel hot, pulse thudding hard against his neck, cock stiff and leaking against the constraints of his slacks. Pleasure tingles at his core and he wants desperately to bend you over the table and fuck you right here, right now. 

“Then you’ll be a good boy for me, right, Dee?” you whisper the words, and your lips stay apart from the utterance of his name, tongue poised at the entrance of your mouth. The restaurant fades into the distance. Nothing else in the world exists except your lips, your tongue, your hot gaze on him. 

“Yes,” he manages. 

You drag your finger along his jaw and coo, “Good.” 

“Hi, my name is Liz and I’ll be your server, how are we doing tonight?” a squeaky voice sounds from the opposite corner of the table. 

You jolt upright and smile politely up at her, “Hi, good, how are you?” 

The two of you go back and forth a little. He’s not sure what you’re talking about, because he’s still lost in a wanton haze, trying to catch his breath, staring at you with heat in his eyes. Eventually you blink at him, as if the faceless waitress asked him a question. 

He shakes his head back and forth, trying to snap out of it, clears his throat, and looks down at his menu with a frown, “I uh… I’ll have what she’s having.” 

The waitress, as it turns out, does have a face, and when he glances up at her, her bright blue eyes widen in recognition, “Oh wow, Dieter Bravo?”

He smiles and nods, extending his sweaty hand across the table, being sure not to stand up and present his tented crotch to the poor girl, “Yeah, what’s your name?” 

“Liz,” she reminds him and shakes his hand. 

“You already told us that, sorry,” Dieter chuckles at himself, “Nice to meet you, Liz. Hey, could we get a bottle of champagne?” 

“Nice to meet you, too,” she beams a wide, starstruck smile, “Oh, um, of course. Which one?”

“Well,” he sighs, glancing at you, then clasps his hands together and shrugs, “Most expensive one you have. We’re celebrating.” 

“Absolutely. If you don’t mind me asking, what are you two celebrating tonight?” 

He frowns and tilts his head towards you, not sure what to say. You take this as your cue to explain. 

“We exorcized my apartment,” you tell her, grinning from ear-to-ear. 

The waitress’s mouth gapes open in confusion, and she looks to Dieter for guidance on how to navigate the response, but he just bursts out laughing.

You wince and your face gets all flushed, “Sorry, I-” 

“No, you’re right,” Dieter assures you, his voice still quivering with laughter, then flashes a charming smile to the waitress, “Thank you so much, darling.” 

“Oh, um,” her cheeks tinge pink and she tucks her hair behind her ear, “You’re so very welcome, sir. I’ll be right back with the champagne.” 

After the waitress walks away, he swivels his gaze to you with an amused grin, “Woooow.” 

“I’m so sorry,“ you put your hand over your mouth and laugh, “Why did you take me out, again?” 

His smile stretches wide and he releases a content sigh, “Because I like you.” 

“Good,” you smirk, dropping your gaze to his lips, “Can I kiss you, or is that not allowed in public?” 

“God, please kiss me,” he murmurs, leaning in towards you. 

“Yeah?” you smile, your shining eyes meeting his before they flutter closed and you drift closer. 

Dieter hums in the affirmative, pressing his lips against yours. Your lips are so fucking soft and warm and he loses himself in the kiss. His throat rumbles with want and he brings his hand to the nape of your neck, pulling you closer, kissing you deeper, savoring the taste of your saliva and the perfect way your tongue rolls against his, and the the huffy, barely audible little whines that squeak from your mouth. 

He could lose himself for hours like this. 

Liz interrupts again, gently placing a bucket of ice and two champagne flutes on the table. 

You pull back, clearing your throat before telling her, “Thank you so much.” 

“I apologize, I totally forgot to ask before, and- and my manager just reminded me,” Liz grimaces, “Can I take a peek at your IDs for the champagne? If I don’t I’ll get in trouble, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s no problem,” you assure her with a wave. Both of you pull out your wallets and hand your ID cards to Liz, who surveys them both, eyes lingering on yours for a bit longer than his. 

She hands them back and flashes a cheery smile, “Perfect, thank you. I’ll be right back with that bottle.” 

Once the driver puts the black SUV in drive and sets course for your apartment, Dieter rests his hand on your leg. An electric current buzzes under his skin, pulsing from his head to his toes. 

It’s a miracle he held it together in the restaurant. You didn’t make it easy. Gazing over at him with fuck-me-eyes. Wearing that goddamn dress. Purring in his ear between each course, “Look at you, being so patient.”

And:

“You’re doing so fucking good, Dee.” 

And, his personal favorite:

“Are you thinking of all the fun treats you’ll get if you keep it up, baby?”

He sets his thumb in motion and lightly grips the soft flesh of your thigh, leaning close to your ear to murmur, “So how’d I do? Was I a good boy?”

“Oh, Dee,” you coo and plug your index finger into his jugular notch, then drag your fingernail up the center of his throat. Over every ridge and valley. You split his adam’s apple in half. Your nail catches against the grain of every stubbled hair in its path. Curls up to the bottom of his chin. 

And he’s yours, all yours. 

“You were such a good boy,” you whisper, and it strikes your vocal chords just enough to gain a raspy edge, “I think you should get a reward, don’t you?”

Dieter nods, his fingers working further up your thigh, closer to your heat, “I think so.” 

“Go ahead, baby,” you breathe, letting your legs fall open for him, “You deserve it.” 

The closer his hand slides to your sex, the hotter it gets. You whine and arch your back against the seatbelt. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Lua,” he chokes out, pulling your underwear to the side, “I can feel my fingers defrosting.” 

You giggle just as his knuckle grazes your clit, and your breath hitches. 

“Look at me, baby,” Dieter husks. You do, and your eyes are all glazed over and dark in the passing streetlights. He presses his forehead against yours and strokes the sensitive nub, slow and meticulous, and your eyelids flutter. 

“That’s perfect,” you whimper, nodding your head in approval. Each pant from your lips becomes more vocal than the last. He kicks himself for not getting a ride in something with a fucking privacy partition. 

Dieter turns towards the driver and asks, “Do you mind turning on the radio?”

The man mutters something to himself, then twists the volume knob on his stereo. An upbeat pop song fills the silence between your strained whimpers. 

Dieter brings his focus back to you. Your face, all twisted up with pleasure. Your swollen clit under the gentle strumming of his knuckle. Your lips, fuck, your goddamn lips. All pouty and wet from your own spit because you can’t stop licking and biting at them. 

“Faster, Dee,” you whine, knees falling further apart. 

He adjusts his touch, dragging his fingers through your slick before quickening his pace, drawing circles around the erogenous bud, “Like this?”

“Yes- oh, fuck. That’s it, baby,” you purr. 

Dieter rasps into your ear, “So fucking wet for me, Lua, oh my god-”

He glides his touch down your seam, and you’re so fucking gooey and hot, coating his fingertips. A whimper flutters from your lips when he traces your soaked entrance. Your tight cunt squeezes around him as he slides two fingers inside you. 

You gasp and cover your mouth. 

He stiffens his fingers into a hook, pulling up through the drenched silken fabric of your pussy to that rubbery plane that makes you muffle your own choked moan. His thumb finds your clit and starts to roll against it. Your back arches towards the roof of the car and you nod and whimper under his control. 

His heart starts pounding as he watches you start to lose yourself in his touch. Beads of sweat gathering on your forehead, muted moans against your trembling hand, the steady pressure of his fingers hooked into your g-spot, the incessant strumming of your clit. 

He brings his lips to your ear and whispers, “Wanna see you cum all over the seat of this fucking car, baby, can I do that? Can I make you soak this fucking seat?”

You nod frantically and withdraw your hand from your mouth, panting, “So fucking good, holy fuck, Dee, you’re such a good boy-“

And you’re getting frenzied and louder, so he kisses you, and he rubs you from the inside now, too, little movements he has to strain himself to control. You gasp against his mouth and pull back, grabbing your car seat head rest with one hand as the other clamps over your mouth, your eyes fluttering, limbs shaking, and he’s in fucking awe of how breathtakingly hot you are right now. 

The moans are barely dampened by your hand and he’s sure the driver can hear you but he doesn’t fucking care, all that matters is your shivering body and his hand all wrapped around your cunt as your breath hitches and the walls around his fingers spasm and you’re practically fucking howling he could just marry you right now jesus fucking christ. You cum hard, your delicious nectar marking everything between your pulsing pussy and the back of the driver’s seat. 

You collapse back into your seat, chest heaving, and look up at him with dreamy, half-lidded eyes, smiling sweetly. He pulls his fingers out of you and brings them to his mouth, sucking your cum off each digit with reverence. You tug on his jacket and pull him into a gentle kiss. 

The driver clears his throat and Dieter looks around outside the vehicle, realizing it’s in park in front of your apartment, “Oh shit, we’re here.” 

“I didn’t want to… interrupt,” the driver tells him awkwardly, confirming his suspicion that your backseat activities were not discreet. 

Lua, you fucking angel, you burst out laughing, “I’m so sorry!” 

Dieter tips the man $200 and the two of you make your way up to your apartment. 

[ Next Chapter ]

#dieter bravo x f!reader #dieter bravo x female reader #dieter bravo x reader #dieter bravo x you #dieter bravo #dieter bravo x ofc #dieter bravo fic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal character fanfic #pedro pascal character #pedro pascal #the bubble fanfiction #psychomanteum

[frostironfudge]

I Think I Met You In My Dreams Once - Bucky Barnes - Twelve

Summary: After receiving an honourable discharge from his military service that was caused by the loss of his arm, James Barnes begins to come to terms with several things. He also finds solace in youtube videos, memes and on social media, where he happens to find you.

Pairing: Ex-Military!Bucky Barnes x Fem! Plus Size!Reader (Modern AU)

Chapter Warnings: fluff, angst, there is a situation in which domestic violence is implied, anxiety, nervousness, bucky is angry, protective bucky, fluff at the end.

Word Count: 7.9k || Dividers: @firefly-graphics

Fic Masterlist || Main Masterlist || AO3 || Fic Playlist

Chapter Eleven || Chapter Thirteen

Taking in a deep breath you grab the phone Bucky had handed to you off of the mahogany desk. Your thumb traces over the cover, switched to make it seem as if its your phone. Your initial surrounded with celestial bodies in gold foil.

The screen lights up and you wince slightly.

When you look up, he’s watching you intently with a frown crossing his features at your disdain. 

“Something wrong, little princess?” Quentin leans forward. 

“Yeah um, I kind of told mom, I’m going to Nat’s instead of telling her the truth that I came to see you… The data just won’t work you know how they need to know where I am…” You look down at the device and back up at him. 

“You need the Wi-Fi?” He chuckles as you nod, handing the wifi settings page opened to him. 

He types away and the device is connected with a smile he stands, moving around the table to hand the device to you. 

Opening the chat page with your mum, you type out the message as Quentin watches, you want to tell him off but you bite your tongue. 

Hey mum, reached Nat’s place. I’ll leave by 4-ish.

You lock your phone smiling up at him. 

“So what did you want to speak about?” Beck leans back against the desk, crossing his legs. 

“Um, I didn’t, I didn’t like how we left things back at the event.” You admit, fiddling with your fingers, meeting his gaze. 

“I quite like how things were left.” Bucky mutters through the wireless headphone connected to your actual phone in your bag with an ongoing encrypted call for your safety. 

“Mr. Barnes.” Peter chastises. 

You hear Bucky scoff in return.

“What about sweet James?” He raises a brow, “Seemed to defend him quite a bit. Great boyfriend and all.” He grimaces.

“Look, let’s just not talk about him.” You hope he takes the hint, you just needed to give them ten minutes to hack into the Beck’s system. 

“Why? Did he not turn out to be the man of your dreams?” He sneers, ego still bruised. 

“Look, okay you want to discuss him? Alright. You left me heartbroken Quentin. Gravely. After all that I told you? I just wanted someone who saw me and only me.” You shake you head, “Unfortunately that isn’t the case with anyone I decide to be with,” You want to gag and vomit at the lie. 

“I mean okay I have to divert attention between Alpine and you, didn’t think it was so impacting.” Bucky teases you had rehearsed the conversation, and he knew you would have to slip in several lies, he also knew how difficult it was to maintain composure. 

“I’ll call Mr. Stark.” Peter warns the man.

“I am on standby Pete, docking this man’s pay for every distraction he causes.” Tony’s voice comes through.

“I’m trying to help her stay composed!” Your boyfriend defends.

You cough so they get the hint to shut up. 

You look away down at your hands.

“I didn’t want to hurt you.” Quentin admits, “I was young and you know how our fathers are and were, I—he said I shouldn’t settle this quick. I wouldn’t have left had I known who I was giving up.” 

“What, what if you do it again? What if it’s just for the money now? Do you want a relationship like our parents have? Loveless only coming together for the public while you seek comfort in the arms of another? I stay at home crying or worse nursing the wounds left by your frustrations?” The fear wasn’t irrational of being cheated upon or left for someone better or being stuck in a loveless relationship, it all still stung because if, if Bucky wasn’t in your life this was a reality.  

“Deep breaths, Doll. Please, for me.” He requests, “In and out good girl. Keep going.” 

Bucky had quelled the fears, assured you, shown you on numerous occasions you’re the one for him. In fact he erased it, so hearing the tremor in your voice sent his heart into a lurch. 

He knew you were saying what you could, to keep Beck distracted. The fact that this fear could creep in so easily had him worried, it had him worried that Beck was pushing you into uncharted waters on memory alone. 

“Little Princess.” Quentin sighs, cupping your cheek, you look into his eyes, “I will do everything in my power to not turn into them. You’re it for me. I won’t be in a relationship like that, I’ve seen the negative impact and seen what it did. I won’t let that happen.” 

You nod, “I, I just wanted to clear the air, and well, apologise.” 

He was one of those men that needed to know he was high and mighty, even in the wrong you needed to apologise. 

“Its okay, mistakes happen, we can start with a clean slate.” He assures, eating up your words. 

“What an asshole.” Tony comments. 

“One minute more.” Peter whispers and you can hear frantic typing. 

You sigh, relieved this charade would be up soon.

“Do you want me to ruin his life? I could do that for you, just a tap of my finger.” Quentin offers, lips twisted into a scowl. 

“Don’t, I just want to forget it all.” You grasp his hand, the one that still rests against your cheek. You want to push it away. Recoil from it, hideaway within Bucky and his warm.  

“Hang in there, Doll, a minute more, I just need to break through this one last firewall.” Bucky’s voice soothes you. 

Quentin begins leaning in and alarm bells begin ringing in your head. This could go one of two ways and you did not want to kiss him. 

“Quentin, I-I’m not ready for all that yet. Just um, there is so much… I’m sorry.” You turn your head to the side. 

He shifts back before his lips touch your skin, “Its okay, you need my friendship first and we used to be thick as thieves. Remember when we stole my dad’s prized baseball?” He laughs, shaking his head. 

“I do and then we hid it inside that vase.” You chuckle at the memory. 

“We’re in, need three minutes now, you’re doing well Doll.” Bucky lets you know, his words encouraging. 

“Then proceeded to break the vase to get the ball back.” You add. 

“Then hid the pieces of the vase in the bottom drawer of his study. Locked it and hid the key inside the baseball. He broke open the drawer after three years and was so confused.” 

“What did he say?” You genuinely want to know. 

“He called me in and asked, and I said he come home drunk once and broke it and cleaned it up.” Quentin goes quiet, the smile disappears from his face. 

“Did he ever get better?” You question, the gnarly details were always hidden, but slipped through the fine cracks. 

“He didn’t get worse.” Is all he answers. 

“I’m sorry.” You sigh, then look out of his office to see your dad handing his dad an envelope. 

“He’s investing.” Quentin answers your question, “I, this has been such a difficult project, I cannot begin to tell you his investment will be helpful.”

“Oh, thats, thats good… I’m sure your handwork will be rewarded.” You trail off. 

You watch as your dad shakes hands and then moves to the elevators. 

“We’re in, we will need to speak to your dad.” Bucky urges, hearing the panic in your voice. 

“Oooh meeting the father, Barnes? Need tips?” Tony chuckles. 

“I’m sure you have a helpful lot of tips.” Bucky chuckles. 

“Well my dad may have been shit but I did learn to sweet talk my girlfriend’s dads and also my late wife’s so given how I have Morgan and a great relationship with her Grampa I’d say you have a great mentor.” Tony was probably giving a smug grin.

You want to smile at the anecdote, then you tune back into your reality with Quentin. 

“Its close to two now, go on your way to Nat’s I’ve got a meeting, I will text you later? We can meet up again.” He seems hopeful and you feel sort of bad but then you squash that feeling away. 

“Definitely.” You smile, “I’m sorry, if I seem distracted its just, its hard at home and with everything.”

“I understand, you need me I’m there for you little princess.” Quentin assures, placing a kiss to your cheek. His hand rests on the small of your back as he leads you out to the elevators.

“Better take his hand off of you. If he wants to keep it.” Bucky’s voice is gruff as his eyes follow you along the cameras. They were into the system, Peter and he divided the load and Tony had his own A.I.s looking into everything. 

“Thanks for today.” You add, slightly shifting from one foot to the other. 

Quentin gives you a grin. 

“Anything for my little princess.” He says as the doors open, you walk in quickly waving him off as the doors close finally rendering you alone. 

“I’ll see you at Nat’s okay? Call me from the car. And switch off the phone before you exit.” Bucky reminds, his hands itching. 

You hum in response the call drops as the elevator descends. 

Looking down you switch the phone off, then as you move through the entrance doors you end up bumping into your dad. 

“What are you doing here?” He raises a brow and your brows furrow. 

“I came to speak to Quentin, clear the air after the whole thing.” You shrug. 

“Well good you have some sense in you.” He exhales, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. 

“Well I’m off to meet Natasha.” You inform him, “I didn’t tell mom I came here.” You add. 

“Our little secret.” He gives a grin, during your childhood that statement was innocent, happiness inducing about going on night drives, playing his favourite songs and eating ice cream and not telling mom. Later it was tainted by the harsh realities of life, shattering the image you had of your father. 

“Yeah.” You swallow the lump rising in your throat and trying to stomach the bile. 

Your dad lights his cigarette, taking a drag and you bite your tongue to not say or question anything about the deal with the Becks. 

“I’ll see you at dinner.” He says as you move towards where your car is parked. The driver waiting. 

“Yeah, bye dad.” You wave before sitting inside. 

“Nat’s house, please.” You tell the driver as the car moves out the gate of the corporate park. 

“I’m going to be broke, all accounts frozen.” You groan, it’s such a stupid thing. A stupid thing to dwell on you don’t know how much money is being invested to be going down the drain. 

“You aren’t going to be broke.” Bucky assures, he knows you’re trying to process a-lot right now so your focus is on the more superficial aspect of things. 

“I mean you could always open a cupcake shop with Natasha.” Peter adds making Nat chuckle. 

“What?” Bucky looks at Peter. 

“Well when, you need to watch Two Broke Girls.” Peter shakes his head at Bucky’s lack of knowledge. 

“Has a point, Barnes.” Nat adds, “I’m Caroline though cause Max here is your girl, baking is not my forte.” 

“I won’t even be able to afford a ticket to USA.” You mope further. 

“We’ll figure it out. I’ll pay.” Bucky offers, you shake your head. 

“Can’t put that burden on you.” You counter. 

“Doll, I’ll cover it all and more.” Bucky assures, running his thumb over your cheek. 

“Bucky, it’s too expensive. You already have so many responsibilities I cannot be one more thing you take on financially. I even have half a year left on my degree the semester fees are also coming up.” You wince as you realise how much is at stake. 

“Look we can talk to him and ask him to pull out of the deal.” Bucky runs his fingers through your hair as you rest your head on his lap, “And I don’t care how expensive it gets, when I’m confident in being able to take care of you then you are going to be taken care of, so don’t worry okay?” He says, stroking your cheek.

“Yeah, I bet if your dad complies we can have his money come back you know like a plea deal.” Peter smiles, “What, I saw that on Brooklyn Nine Nine.” he looks at Nat when Bucky gives him a tired look. 

“Not one more pop culture reference from you.” Bucky warns him. 

“You know I used to think maybe you’re like Terry I think you are more Holt now.” The intern grumbles. 

“And you’re Jake Peralta?” Bucky shakes his head when Peter gets excited. 

“Yes, waiting for my Amy, I already have my Charles, my best friend Ned.” He sighs dreamily. 

“You’ll find your Amy.” You assure him, looking up at Bucky, his previous words sort of wrapping around you in comfort. 

“Hey.” He smiles down at you. 

“Hi.” You smile back. 

“Stop eye fucking.” Nat warns and Peter turns red. 

“There is a child in our midst.” Bucky jabs back. 

“Hey!” Peter pouts, you offer him an apologetic look.

“Stop eye consummating.” Nat deadpans.  

You giggle, much to Bucky’s dismay, turning and laughing against his abdomen. He shakes his head, the endearing look returning to his features as his gaze returns upon you. 

The conference call’s tune plays on Peter’s laptop, he answers it. Bucky helps you sit up and tucks you next to him on the bed. Nat grabs her notebook as Tony and Matt and a sullen Sharon grace the screen, seated together in the conference room. It’s way too early for them and her presence only throws everyone to a loop.

Your eyes narrow and Natasha rolls her eyes. 

Bucky only glares at Tony not understanding why is Sharon a part of this conversation, after he made clear he never wants to work with her.

“Why is she here?” You don’t mean to sound harsh or rude but you can’t help it. Sharon has warranted that response from you. 

Your hand rests protectively on Bucky’s thigh and the one intertwined with his hand tightens in hold. 

“Doll.” He murmurs pressing a kiss to your temple. 

“I can understand the hesitancy, however Ms. Carter would you be so kind as to explain.” Matt gestures for her to continue. 

“I was sent here by Justin Hammer. When the call for applications were put out I applied I was working for him under a back end possibly shell company thats why the connect was never made before Stark Industries hiring me. During this I came into contact with Quentin Beck.” Sharon looks right at you as if it was possible through the small webcam, she seems apologetic but you don’t hear one. 

“They demanded a lot, the plans and blue prints of the arm and parts used, when I couldn’t get the internal mechanics from Barnes… they sent in Brock Rumlow.” 

Bucky’s grip tightens around your own. He never liked the guy especially after the unwarranted comments. 

“Holy fuck.” Peter breathes. 

“How fucked up are they?” Natasha comments wide eyed. 

“People do worse for money.” Tony adds, “They don’t understand the consequences, this it horrible, Brock’s family background isn’t great we looked into it when we took him on. I could see why he might have been enticed by the monetary gain.” He concludes a sullen look on his face.  

“That is horrible of them to exploit his situation.” You say, looking up at Bucky. 

“It is, they took advantage of his situation.” He agrees, you can tell how much this affects him, the way he’s closing off. 

Bucky himself considered so many easy routes to try to have something on the table something to help his mother those months after his amputation and rehabilitation. 

The bills that would pile up were much more than the cheque his mother would earn. 

Bucky was thankful he got to where he was today, earning enough to take care of his mother well and treat her much more often to nicer things which she wouldn’t normally reach toward. His heart ached that someone took advantage of that helplessness but Brock should not have agreed. 

Maybe, maybe he could speak to Tony and Matt to work something out.

You reach up to kiss Bucky’s cheek as he processes everything till now. He sighs looking down at you, pressing his lips to your forehead and closing his eyes at the comfort the gesture brings to him as well. 

Sharon looks away from the screen as Natasha keeps glaring at her. 

“Quentin contacted me about half an hour ago.” Sharon looks back, Nat raises a brow. 

“He wanted you to hack into my life didn’t he?” Bucky bites the inside of his cheek when Sharon nods, “Fucking egotistical man-baby. He wants to ruin me? He’s got a surprise coming.” 

Anger rolls off of Bucky in waves, your hand from his thigh moves to his chest, trying to ground him. 

“Bucky.” You try to reason, he needed to act rationally. 

“He’s going to pay.” Bucky looks down at you, “He did enough damage, I don’t care.” 

“Barnes.” Matt warns, “I think the best way is to proceed with the plan. Sharon is on board as a witness for a reduced sentence, Y/N is compliant and our end of officers are reaching out to the embassy. Your work has let us find the information we need.” Matt smiles. 

“Matt.” Bucky glowers, irked that he cannot cause more damage but then again this meeting was recorded so he could be incriminated. 

“Yes?” The lawyer enquires. 

“Y/N’s dad has made an investment today.” Bucky explains and Tony groans. 

“Bad business decision.” The man shakes his head disappointed. 

“Trust me, I told him to buy Stark Stock but nope.” You add, dejected. 

“Could you arrange a meeting?” Tony questions you look up at Bucky, because for this to happen he needs to meet your dad and meeting your dad well it was one of those things that Bucky knew he had to do but based on the rundown of your family dynamic he had formed his opinion. 

Also your mom adored him so he didn’t care two craploads of your dad’s approval. He only didn’t want you in any trouble. 

“I won’t punch him, even if I really, really want to do so.” Bucky assures, an innocent smile on his face. 

“Barnes, if you don’t punch him, I’ll revoke the best friend approval card.” Nat warns him and you gape at her. 

“Nat—,”

“Its true he’s a dipshit.” She shrugs, “I hate him more than I hate my own dad.” 

“See now, I value Nat’s opinion of me more than him.” Bucky chuckles, Nat and Peter both laugh. You look at Tony and then towards Matt. Then glare at Sharon for good measure. 

“I think dinner tonight should be possible. If the timing is okay? I don’t want to stress either of you out…” You trail off. 

“I’m, I’m fine—,” Sharon begins,

“I was not speaking about disrupting your sleep and schedule. I was speaking to Mr. Stark and Mr. Murdock.” You sneer. 

“Oh, um—,” Sharon winces, rubbing her neck seemingly embarrassed. 

“You need to stop sticking your nose in other people’s business. Seems you still don’t know boundaries and how to remain outside them.” You continue your harsh glare. 

“Down kitty.” Bucky chuckles, gazing at you with pride. 

You turn your head to him, raising a brow in challenge. He raises his hand in surrender. 

“We’ll be fine Y/N.” Matt assures. 

Tony calls in Happy Hogan his head of security who guides Sharon out of the room, into the capable hands of the officers. 

“What an eye sore.” Natasha huffs once Sharon is gone gone, “How was she tolerated?”

“I did not like her at all, she kept treating me like a child as if I didn't know what I was doing at any moment.” Peter rolls his eyes. 

“Next time we’re going to conduct thorough checks.” Tony adds, the conversation is put on mute as Matt receives a call. 

You decide this is a good time to tell your mother about what would be occurring. 

To say she was elated that Bucky would join in on dinner was an understatement. She sent you a list of groceries to place an order for and even when Bucky insisted she didn’t need to make the dishes he enjoyed she just told him to not complain and let her be a mother to him. 

A little dread pooled in your stomach thinking over about dinner after the call with your mom, Tony and Matt ended.

Bucky cups your cheek, “What is going on in that pretty little mind?” He kisses your forehead. 

“Just worried.” You admit, Nat and Peter had gone to get the food delivery, her building security seldom allowed external personnel into the apartments. 

“About your dad’s investment?” He questions you shake your head. 

“Money can be earned back, I’m worried about what he will say to you. I can’t have him insulting the man I love.” Your eyes meet his blue ones, his mouth parted as if he didn’t expect your answer. 

“You’re worried about me? When you have so much more upon your shoulders?” He can’t wrap his head around it. 

“Of course I am, Bucky this, us, you, are my top priority and you matter to me more than anything or anyone. I, I always wanted the kind of love I read about or saw in movies but us falling in love? Us in love? It is so much more beautiful and I am in awe of how far we’ve come. I’m in awe of you. You make me happier, James. You make me want to be happier. I can’t have anyone try to pry you away or insult you even if the person doing that is my dad. I’ll punch him.” 

Bucky just crashes his lips against yours, the weight of your words too much upon his tongue to speak something coherent to relay to you what it means to hear you say all that you have. 

He laughs against your lips recalling your threat to punch your dad, you giggle, cupping his cheeks. 

“I’ll do the punching if required, Doll.” He assures with another searing kiss, where you end up facing him on the bed, hands exploring as the kiss gets more heated, needier. 

A cough and a knock draws you both apart and Nat stands there, holding take out bags.

“If you’re done christening the guest room, please join in for food.” She teases but sends a warm smile your way, happy to see you this happy. 

You hide your reddening face in the crook of Bucky’s neck, he chuckles. 

“We’ll be there in five.” He tells her mirth lacing his entire demeanour pressing a soft kiss to your  cheek. 

Pin drop silence. 

You can hear everyone breathing and your own.

Glances are exchanged between your mother and Bucky. 

You keep your eyes trained upon your dad.

His gaze however is on where your hand is held within Bucky’s own. You both are standing at the door still, outside the apartment.

“It’s good to finally meet you in person, James.” Your mom breaks the silence, effectively breaking  your father out of his stupor. 

“What are you doing here?” Are your father’s first words, you squeeze Bucky’s hand, he squeezes back.

“Sir, I came to meet Y/N, and you both.” He answers with a gentle smile.

Your father blinks then looks at your mother, “Did you know?” 

“No, I’m just meeting him for the first time.” She answers, voice small.

“How long has he been here?” He looks at you.

“A few days, he surprised me at Nat’s. They planned the whole thing.” You smile, then internally wince at how it looks to your dad. It was essentially a recreation of his infidelity— James Barnes here holding your hand you met with your ex this afternoon.

“I was very nervous, so had to muster up the courage. Oh um, I come bearing gifts as well.” Bucky gestures to the small suitcase behind the two of you.

Your dad takes a breath, then exhales.

“Come in.” He says turning and heading inside. When he is out of hearing range your mother envelopes Bucky in a hug and a kiss to his cheek. He grins giving her a kiss on her cheek as well.

“Missed you since these few days, Mum.” The endearment slips out along with his hushed whisper. You want to kiss this man senseless.

Most of your meeting ups would occur after university or on weekends. In the middle Bucky and Peter would work and since your dad was back from his trip, Bucky’s visits were sparse. 

Your mum looks at him with slightly glassy eyes, “Missed you too, my son.” She pats his cheek then yours, before heading inside.

The smile on Bucky’s face and his cheeks tinged pink he meets your gaze.

“I love you.” You whisper.

“I love you.” He whispers back.

His hand leaves yours to bring the suitcase inside, then you take it from him. Hands intertwined again till the sliding door of the living room. 

You open the door, he takes the suitcase again, wheeling it in following you.

Your dad sits on the couch, cigarette lit. Eyes on the two of you. 

Standing still at the edge, your dad gestures for you two to sit.

“James come here.” He adds when the two of you were headed to sit together, now you sit next to your dad, James on the single sofa opposite to you both. Your mum returns with the snack tray you jump up to help her and so does Bucky.

“Sit down, they’ll do it.” Your dad’s words spot Bucky in his tracks, you bite your lip. 

Your mum shakes her head indicative to forget it. 

Bucky sits only after the tray is set and your mother sits next to your father and you sit on the other single sofa. two meet between the two of your pieces of furniture. Bucky looks at you then back at your dad, who stares at his left shoulder.

“It smells delicious, Mrs. Y/L/N.” Bucky compliments and your mother brushes the compliment away with a smile.

“So why decide after these many months to come and meet her? Did you get fired? Save up enough from the measly job?” Your father looks down his nose at Bucky.

“Dad—,” You begin,

“Quiet.” He raises a hand, cutting you off.

Bucky reaches out giving your hand a squeeze. He then turns back to your dad,

“I have an assignment as well. From work itself, trip is sponsored by Stark Industries.” 

“So did you come for her or for work?” Your dad has this smug smile on his face.

“I was fortunate enough that work carried me here and I was able to meet her earlier, my original plan was to come down for Christmas since we have a three week vacation.” Bucky answers, remaining collected.

Your dad lets out a snort, “Right. What work does a coder have? Tell me James, do you even consider this relationship long term? Are you going to sponsor her? Or use her money then abandon her like so many Americans do to innocent people from different countries?”

“Honestly, the plan is long term, set something up for her maybe? Based on what Doll decides do pursue after this degree. She has an interest in a Masters, but I think some work experience will look good on the resume. I’ve even complied a list of universities for her in USA and here which have a strong Masters programme. I’ve offered my advise and I know she will make the right decision for herself and i will back it.” Bucky completes, sending you a proud smile and the pride he holds for you shines bright in his eyes.

Your throat tightens, this man is perfect. 

Bucky is your man 

and 

Bucky 

is 

perfect.

“We have reasons to believe intellectual property is being stolen and I am on the core research team as well as the software coder. MIT has given clearance and verified the small courses I’ve done. So I’m representing Mr. Stark, he has a child therefore cannot travel for an indefinite time.” Bucky looks back at your dad.

“Long term?” Your dad’s skepticism reaches a new height, “On what earnings? And in this volatile of an industry?”

“I think about Ten Million Dollars should be okay starting out? I will be earning more this year, a few apps I’ve designed are in line to be sold. Also I’m investing in real estate and some shares though I’m not dabbling into the stock market thing too much maybe like shares of strong companies and earn dividends? Mr. Stark was kind enough to sow me the ropes to flourish.” Bucky looks at you when you gasp.

“What?” His brows furrow.

“Ten what?” You question, baffled.

“You have ten million dollars?” Your dad questions, the cigarette comically drops out of his hand onto the wooden floor.

“Yes, I do. After taxes and charities and providing for my family. It is quite a lot and if invested well I think it will last for a good period of time.” Bucky shrugs as though this isn’t anything major or important just a passing detail.

“How did you earn that much? And how do you,” Your father looks at you, “Not know he’s this rich.”

“I—, we never spoke about money.” You stutter out.

“So you like him without knowing his monetary background?” Dad’s voice raises by octaves.

“Mr. Y/L/N its distasteful to speak about finances, I never pried into her accounts and things and she never did mine. All we know is that we’re comfortable and able to get food on the table.” Bucky looks at you, then back at your dad,

“Even if she is dependent upon you to do that till she begins her own financial independence journey. It’s important for her to have something for herself.” He gives you a knowing smile, “Anything and everything you want I will bring it to your hands, only need to lift a finger to point at what you want.” He reaches out to kiss the back of your hand. 

“So yes, I will be able to take care of her financially as well. If that is something that worried you, Sir.” Bucky turns back to your dad with a smile, not letting your hand go.

Your dad looks at your mother who just has a small smile on her face, because for once her husband is speechless and it feels great.

“Darling, your mouth.” She whispers and he snaps his mouth shut. Bucky internally gleams yeah this is better than any punch he could throw to the man’s face. The smile on your mum’s face is a priceless moment, she mouths a thank you to him and he just dips his head to acknowledge. 

You stare at Bucky is disbelief. 

You knew he earned well enough at Stark Industries but this was new information. His words from earlier ring through your head, 

‘“And I don’t care how expensive it gets, when I’m confident in being able to take care of you then you are going to be taken care of, so don’t worry okay?”’

“Bucky.” You manage to speak, he runs his thumb in circles over your hand. 

“I would tell you eventually, it was never important between us, even when you asked about the shipping and things, I am fortunate enough to be able to turn things around for myself and my family. After well, everything.” He says, your gaze softens.

“I’m so immensely proud of you.” You say, kissing the back of his hand, “So very proud and I’m really glad you didn’t tell me. I’m just happy for you and so proud.”

“I-, even Beck is—, what the—, your arm—, millions?” Your father reaches for the glass of water, his mind running a mile a minute to try to understand how this internet boyfriend of yours is more accomplished and settled than the family he planned to marry you into with his own money in their clutches.

“Since you mention, Beck. Sir you may want to drink the water and eat something.” Bucky warns and your dad’s head snaps up.

“Should I pull the investment?” He counters and Bucky nods.

You scoff, ultimately it’s all about the money.

“Go on, what about Beck?” He presses, Bucky sighs, this is where things would get tricky.

“You need to speak to my Boss first, Mr. Tony Stark.” Bucky’s hand leaves the comfort of yours he walks to his small suitcase taking out his bad and then laptop. He sets up the laptop so you all can be in frame. Then begins a zoom call with Tony, who answers with Matt. They seemingly didn’t leave the office since your last conversation hours ago.

“Hello, Barnes. How was meeting the parents?” Tony chuckles, Matt shakes his head but smiles too.

“It went alright I guess, Mr. Y/L/N would like to know why he needs to withdraw his investment. Mrs. Y/L/N is here too.” Bucky turns the phone to face your father.

“Mr. and Mrs. Y/L/N, I am Matt Murdock, legal team head at Stark Industries.” Matt waves, with a smile.

“I’m Tony Stark, owner of said company, it’s a pleasure to meet the parents of the woman who motivates my best employee to remain best.” Tony praises, Bucky shakes his head.

“Thank you, Tony.” Bucky adds.

“It was a compliment to Y/N not you.” Tony rolls his eyes.

“Thank you, Mr. Stark.” You chuckle.

“Now before we begin, you three need to submit your phones to Barnes.” Matt rolls his shoulders his entire posture serious, “If you do not agree to give the phones over to him then we will have to involve a legal team there, which could result in a public chaos of people coming into your home.” 

Your dad and mom hand their phones, you hand yours as well.

Bucky tucks checks for any active calls on your dad’s phone, then switches the devices off.

“Clear.” Bucky informs, the air grows tense.

“Alright, Beck is producing the bionic arm my team and I have designed with a Royal family member. They have wised to keep their identity under wraps from you two at least. It isn’t public knowledge hence the base material differs, which is where they get away in stealing my patented technology.” Tony takes a breath.

“Intellectual property is hard to sue over.” Your dad murmurs things falling into place for him to understand. 

“Exactly. Which is why we needed to know what was going on internally. They are working with a rival company. They plan to make this tech exclusive. which is another word for not affordable. My team wants to have an economic outreach, which is why we’re running trials. If you want details of that Barnes may explain later, he was a part of it before opting to join the team to help improve. Lost a really promising candidate.” Tony sighs then looks to the side with a beaming smile, erasing the traces of tiredness, “Please excuse me for a moment. My daughter needs something.” He moves out of view.

“Now the legal way is to find them embezzling or downright stealing. Or conning.” Matt explains, “How much have you given for the investment?”

“1.2 Million Dollars.” Your dad answers and your mother turns to him in disbelief. 

“Dad what even were you thinking?” You all but yell.

“You’re telling me? You went to see Quentin!” he fumes, fretting about everything.

“She went on behalf of us, so we could get in.” Bucky explains, shifting forward.

“You put her in harms way!” he yells, “You fucking bastard!”

“Stop it!” You yell, “I volunteered!”

“Because what he is oh so important more than your safety? If Beck comes to know you’re—,”

“Mr. Y/L/N, your daughter is under legal safety from your country and mine. We’ve worked with your embassy. She is safe.” Matt cuts him off.

“You’re a fucking idiot, I don’t care how much money you have, you used her! And you, you are even fucking stupider to listen to his bullshit!” Your dad yells again. 

You clench your fists, Bucky only looks at your dad.

Then he looks at you, your eyes brimming with tears. He reaches to the laptop, muting the call and shutting the video.

“If one tear falls from her eyes, I will make sure your money isn’t returned to you.” Bucky’s voice is dangerously cold. You look up at him.

“Are you threatening me?” Your dad seethes, chest rising in anger.

“I am informing you of the consequences of hurting her or her mother with your words or hands henceforth. You may be successful, rich and drive the best of cars. You do not however have my respect as a human being. Money is the way to hurt you and I will hurt you horribly if you hurt her even the tiniest bit.” Bucky breathes slow and deep he needed to control his anger.

“Get out.” Your dad stands pointing to the door.

“He isn’t leaving.” Your mother speaks up, “Sit down. He’s helping you.” 

Your father turns to her, it all occurs in slow motion, you had seen this occur before. 

Bucky shifts his back to you as he stands, you begin to stand but trip and your hand lands on the keyboard. 

When you look up, your dad raises his hand, it begins to move towards your mom.

A yell is caught in your throat. 

She turns away anticipating the hit.

Your dad stands dumbfounded, staring at his hand that is stopped midway he follows the arm, finding Bucky’s fingers around his wrist, holding his hand back.

“I warned you.” Bucky’s voice is cold again, you miss the warm timber. His eyes however are wild. Anger prominent and he looks every bit dangerous it reminds you of the stories Steve and Sam had told you about him when he was younger when they would make sure the bullies knew not to mess with the younger children.

Bucky doesn’t just look angry, he is anger personified. 

Bucky’s gaze shifts to your mom, “Doll, take mum inside. Have her drink some water and have something. Your father and I need to have a little chat.”

“I told you to get out.” Your dad moves to hit him with his other hand, you push yourself up to block the hit but Bucky moves back twisting your dad’s hand that he held in his. Your father groans.

“Mr. Y/L/N, I suggest you speak in a civil manner to Mr. Barnes. The case with the Becks will involve you if we allow the investment to follow through. This video-call is being recorded and I do not think a public, blatant abuse attempt backed by evidence of abuse will reflect well upon you.” Matt breaks the silence, Tony glares at the man.

You realise you kick started the unmute and video when your hand hit the keyboard. 

“This is blackmail, Y/N look what he’s doing!” Your father yells.

“What is he doing?” You whisper, moving to your mother. You look at Bucky, his eyes meet yours the warm in the slightest. You breathe easier, wiping the tear that falls, your boyfriend twists your father’s hand harder.

“I don’t see him doing anything, our little secret, dad I didn’t see anything did I?” You raise a brow, then turn away, arm encircling your mum’s shoulders taking her to your room.

This was on him, you’d draw the line, if he kicked you out, cut you off you didn’t care. You’d go stay with Nat. Nat’s mom already knew everything. Your mom could get help from her and be able to take the assets to be able to provide for herself.

You sit your mother down, hand her the water. She takes quiet sips. 

“How are you feeling?” You murmur, pushing her hair back.

“He was going to hit me, in front of you both. Bucky knows so much?” She questions, tears flowing freely.

“I couldn’t keep it in mum, he heard once over a call, way before we even thought about dating.” You explain, tell her how he calmed you down multiple times from your anxiety over hearing your parents argue. How he distracted you from spiralling.

How he rescued you, helped you, became your safe haven.

“He really loves you. If, if after this it all goes south, I want you to leave with Bucky. Don’t look behind for me. Go with him.” She cups your face. When you try to shake your head to say no, she prevents the movement. 

“Listen to me, I don’t have anything in or from this marriage apart from you. If I know you will be loved, cared for and safe, even if it means I need to remain here. I want you to leave. Keep the one treasure I have in this life safe.” She says, not taking no or reluctance for an answer.

“Well you can tell her to not look back, but I will, you won’t stay here with this fucking asshole. Sorry.” He winces when your mom glares at him for swearing.

“Bucky.” Your mum begins, he raises his index finger to stop her. Then holds her hand gently.

“I called you Mum right? I know Ma’s told you a lot about how things were. Just know as your son, I am not leaving you behind. We’ll figure out a way but first I’m going to help take the Becks down. We’ve come to an agreement, your husband and I. I do not care if he doesn’t like me or whatever the fuc—fudge, he tries to do.” Bucky only chuckles when she playfully pinches his cheek at the slip up. 

“We have enough proof, if it’s blackmail so be it. What he put you two through is worse.” He completes then turns to you, eyes scanning over, then stopping to wipe your tears away. 

You wrap your arms around him, burying your head against his chest. Almost hiding into him. He rubs gentle circles over your back.

“I’m here now, Doll. I told you, when it comes to you, I don’t care about anything or anyone else.” He murmurs, you tighten your hold around him, clinging onto him.

“I know, not going to let you go. I got you, Doll. Always, too selfish to let you go.” He whispers, hand holding you close.

You find your voice but a sob breaks when you part your lips, he presses his lips to the top of your head, hand moving over your soft skin, to soothe you.

Your mother watches the two of you, then leaves to move outside. She needed to speak yo your dad. He would learn she had a tongue in her mouth as well.

“Anything happens, just call for me.” Bucky requests to her and she nods.

“Thank you.” She looks at your form then him, “For being who she needs.” She closes the door. To grant respite from the screaming match that would be taking place.

Bucky lowers his hand, hoisting you up, your legs wrap around him.Your head rests upon his shoulder now, as he leads you to the bed. He sighs in content feeling you against him. Your soft curves and warmth washing over him.

“What do you need from me, Doll?” He questions, he was sitting up, you’re facing him, legs over his half around him.

“Want to feel you. Close.” You murmur, realising you need to feel him, against you, skin to skin. 

“Help me get rid of my t-shirt?” He requests, you lean back, your hands curling around the hem. You help him take it off, your own shirt follows. Bucky pulls you close his arm around you and you sigh feeling his skin. Your hands softly trace patterns upon his back.

Bucky closes his eyes, some how you connect the small freckles scattered over his back. Drawing random patterns, softly etching a memory on his skin and yours.

When the screams pick up outside, you turn your head away, tightly closing your eyes. After two minutes there is only silence. 

“I’m sorry.” You whisper against his left shoulder. Lips brushing over a small scar. 

“You have nothing to apologise for, Doll.” He presses his lips to your temple. 

“Thank you, for, for wanting to take care of me.” You whisper, worried if you speak louder it will break the spell of silence. 

Bucky shifts back, grasping your chin to have you meet his eyes. 

“You don’t have to say thank you. I’d do anything for you, Doll. Also I’m serious about the whole ticketing thing and other expenses and setting up base for you there.” He rambles, his cheeks red. 

“When you said real estate for some reason I felt you already bought a sweet little house for us, a room for alpine, a room for us another room thats a guest-room maybe future something more, then a small home office for the two of us.” You smile at the image in your mind. 

“What else would you want?” He tilts his head, hair falling onto his forehead, you push it back. Playing with the strands. 

“Um, a nice kitchen? Not too big but enough that we have a little pantry? Oh and loads of baking supplies! The living room will serve as a little board game night room. Oh and we need everything made useable for you and not just Pinterest stuff that has no use.” You think more as to what you want, Bucky’s admiration filled smile has you feeling shy, you fiddle with his dog tags.  

“Maybe a bookshelf? Tiny reading nook? Like tiny and what do you want in our home?” You gaze at him as he ponders for hardly even a second. 

“You.” He confesses drawing a soft laugh from you. 

“Bucky.” You chastise, but your cheeks flood with warmth. 

“Its true, all I want in our home is the two of us, alpine and us being able to be ourselves, grow individually but also come together and grow as a couple. Probably a nice L shaped sofa for the living room to sink into with you under me or sitting on me or maybe sink into your tight warm—,”

“Bucky!” You giggle. 

“What we have to christen each room.” He huffs, “Its basic house warming rules.”

“Okay but only if you promise to make breakfast each morning till we move into the home fully.” Your index finger taps over his sternum. 

“You have yourself a Deal.” He agrees, “Oh and you seal a deal with a kiss.”

He only grins when you roll your eyes but the happiness flows through you into the kiss and Bucky can’t wait to live with you and turn a four walled structure into a home. 

Your shared home. 

A happy home. 

a.n: so it seems i cant stop writing this fic so i think either one or two more chapters before the epilogue, that is if bucky doesn't take the wheel again from my hands. i hope you enjoy the chapter!! also i'm sorry about delays in uploading i know its really annoying at times but please bear with me, thank you

permanent tags: @stevesmewmew @pandaxnienke

fic taglist: @harry03bb @et-homephone @sebsgirl71479 @blackwidownat2814 @littleone2223 @elbell20-blog @lexhalstead3

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@sammyisfat @juulle987 @elle14-blog1 @bye-moonchild @salenorona23

#bucky barnes au #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #best friend bucky #bucky x plus size reader #bucky x female reader #buck barnes fic #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fluff #james barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fluff #sebastian stan #bucky x yn #the winter soldier x you #frostironfudge #bucky barnes x plus size reader #james buchanan barnes x you #white wolf #bucky barnes angst #bucky is the best #bucky x reader #Bucky barnes smut #james bucky barnes #bucky fanfic #modern bucky barnes #modern au #marvel #bucky x y/n #bucky fic

[r3dblccd]

TAG PEOPLE YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW BETTER!

tagged by: @irrwicht

tagging: @formorethananame, @luneblush, @temporalobjects, @weedzkiller, @r4bidog, @hishedonism, @mxldito, @ovilis, @vienrose, @unavernales, @dozenrozez, @frxgmcnts, @finalsurvivorgrp, @caelcstis, @dcrkfcngs

favorite color(s): Red, purple, but I like all colors

favorite flavor(s): I have a huge sweet tooth, so I'd say chocolate and also fruity flavors like bananas and strawberries.

favorite music: Honestly, I think I can say that I listen mostly everything. I've come to the conclusion that I don't really care about the genre, if I like a song, I like it and that's about it. And that's why my playlist is a mess, especially when I put it on shuffle lmao

favorite movie(s): It's so hard to pick, there are so many good ones! But I recently watched Tokyo Godfathers, that one automatically jumped in my top favourites. I also really liked Grave of Fireflies (even though it's quite a heavy movie), Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, The Handmaiden (let's go lesbians, let's go), Perfect Blue, Everything Everywhere All At Once, The Jigsaw franchise (and honestly, I think the 10th movie might be my favourite), The Fear Street Trilogy, Coraline, What We Do In The Shadows, Train To Busan

Honorable mentions: I think Gremlins is starting to grow on me, especially the second movie because I love that the production team didn't take it all too seriously, I do like when some movies are self-aware how silly they actually are. Also shoutout to The Sadness. Am I ever going to watch that movie ever again? Probably not, it was a very disturbing movie. But this is not your usual zombie movie, if I can even call it a zombie movie, which surprised me? Like, it definitely does have those elements of the apocalyptic zombie genre but turned it completely over its head by making the infected actually aware of the things they're doing but not being able to stop it. Again, it is a disturbing movie, it's not for everybody. I personally don't see myself watching it twice. Plus, finding out that the director has said something like that he wanted to focus more on the "fun and the gore" other than anything else in a Q&A did sound quite sussy to me given the heavy topics and the ways the movie could be interpreted. Idk, as philology and literature major it just keeps getting confirmed to me that most, if not all works of art, no matter in what form, have something to say and they deeply reflect the time in which they were created, and there's always the subjectivity of the viewer who interprets it in their own way (like hell, even the superheroes in movies these days most likely take a whole lot of inspiration from Greek mythology, if you really think about it). Some people have mentioned that the director might have answered the way that he did as to not stir up controversy since it was at a festival, but I can't say for sure, I wasn't there to see the interview myself and this is already getting really long so I will stop now, you can make your own conclusions.

favorite series: Courage the cowardly dog, The Scooby-Doo franchise, Are You Afraid Of The Dark (I'm talking about the 90's series, I haven't watched the 2019 revival). Do I remember anything from them? Kind of, it's been a very long time since I've watched them. I kind of want to rewatch them because of it. But they sparked my interest in all things spooky when I was a kid so I feel like they deserve a place here. Some of my other favourites include: The Untamed, Serial Experiments Lain, Steins;Gate, Semantic Error, Another, My Roommate is a Detective, Wellington Paranormal, What We Do In The Shadows, Hellbound and Sweet Home (I do recommend reading the webtoons of those two, though), Death Parade, The Silent Sea, Color Rush, Squid Game, My Beautiful Man, Good Omens, Our Flag Means Death, Alice on Borderland, My Name, Yellowjackets, Theatre of Darkness: Yamishibai

last song: Ruler Of My Heart by BL8M & Rubyeye & Unknown (Till The End) by AKUGETSU (Alien Stage OSTs) (tw for blood and a bit of gory imagery in the MVs for anyone who wants to check them out). Also can I also just talk about the 1st Anniversary Remixes of those two songs too!!! (here and here, audio only). Just *cheff's kiss*, I love those songs so much, I want to eat them. The story all these animations is quite interesting, the animations themselves are very well done too. How can I describe it. The story kind of takes that deadly game trope (like, let's say in the Hunger Games and Alice in Borderland), but make it about people being forced to be in a singing competition against each other to survive and they are being judged by aliens. From what I know, I could be wrong, the main way of storytelling is through the MVs on the VIVINOS YT channel so it does require a bit to analyze (there is a bit of a additional info on the official website and on the wiki, I'm sure), so if any of that sound interest you, I would recommend checking it out

last series: Choco Milk Shake

last movie: The Cat Returns

currently reading: So Long, And Thank for All The Fish from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books. I'm so happy of how much progress I've done on reading those books compiled in one huge book, I'm halfway through the series now. And honestly I want to read it for as long as I can because I really enjoy it, it's so fun, I love the absurd situation the main characters fall into while the big question of the meaning of life, the Universe and everything looms over them. This would definitely go in one of my top books I've read I'm sure.

And I also have to mention the webtoons that I'm reading because I love them very much too: Hand Jumper, The Blind Prince, Lore Olympus, Zombie X Slasher (I don't know in what kind of direction this one would go, but so far so good!), Everything is Fine, Flawed Almighty, Homesick (I love love LOVE this one! The art style and everything is great), Never Ending Darling (I know that it's gonna end in like 2 days officially once the last episode is available to read for free, but damn, what a ride this was. The concept of this webtoon is terrifying), Omniscient Reader, My S-Class Hunters, ZOMGAN (also quite an interesting and honestly refreshing way of making a story about zombies), Nocturne and The Guy Upstairs

And special highlight to: There Are No Demons. This webtoon? An absolute nightmare fuel. I find it very interesting that the artist Nemo Nullus makes 3D models first and then draws over them. I wasn't so sure how to feel like it when I first saw it, this was the first time I've seen anything like it on webtoon, but I quickly grew to like this art style, the kind of weird realism and uncanny valley really add to the stories. And the stories themselves are very scary because these are things that could actually happen, and have most likely happened in real life too, especially that first story with the stalker. This webtoon has made me feel things no other horror/thriller webtoon has made me feel, I feel like I want to crawl out of my own body when I'm reading it, really.

currently watching: Nothing in particular, just random YT videos. I do have some shows to catch up on that I already mentioned here.

currently working on: Mostly focusing on studying a bit more for my exam on monday. But once I'm done I'll be back to doing more stuff here, hopefully ❤️

#long post cw #//this got long so i'm putting it under the cut #//thought that since I started to ramble as usual might as well give a long list of my favourites lol #//no i'm being serious this turned very long like jesus christ when and how did this get so long jhbgggbfh #//so feel free to skip this #misc; ooc #misc; dash games

[wordywarriorwrites]

Calendar Girl: May

Series Masterlist: Calendar Girl Joel Miller Masterlist Author: @wordywarriorwrites​ Summary: The story of how Joel Miller falls in love again, told over a series of months. Series Warnings: NSFW. Smut. Language. Violence. Discussions of rape and consent. Alcohol consumption. Age-gap.

May

At the beginning of April, Wesley had been untouchable.

Then, people had seen you. They’d seen him. Two-and-two had been put together.

The whispers started soon after. The words manipulative and violent and dangerous had been used, and the experiences other women shared behind closed doors with each other had been far too similar to be chalked up as mere coincidence.

The boys who’d once idolized him ignored him. The girls who’d once dreamt of kissing him crossed the street to avoid him. People no longer wanted to share a table, a drink, or work duties with him, and he’d been taken off patrol because nobody wanted someone like that to have access to a firearm.

You hadn’t said a word, hadn’t made any accusations, but you’d been brave enough to show your face, and that had exposed him for the monster he truly was. By the end of April, the whole town had picked a side, and on a sunny, unsuspecting Sunday afternoon at the beginning of May, Wesley had been found dead.

A group of witnesses attested they’d seen him leave the bar earlier that morning, and that he’d appeared inebriated. Those who’d been on duty at the barn stated he’d saddled a stud and taken off on his own. When the horse returned sans rider several hours later, hooves covered in blood, they surmised Wesley must’ve either fallen off or been thrown and trampled.

His body had been found in the middle of a wide-open crop field. Too close to town to have been an ambush, but too far away for anyone to have seen what actually happened. The leaders tasked to investigate knew Wesley had been ostracized, but they hadn’t been made aware of any threats. They also hadn’t found any obvious signs of foul play, and as such, an accidental death declaration had been made.

With no family to claim him, and nobody willing to speak up against the findings, Wesley had been buried in the back of the town’s cemetery the very same evening without marker, mourners, or fanfare.

But Joel had attended. From the first shovel of dirt to the last, he watched. Watched until the bastard had been put six feet underground. He would’ve have pissed on the fucker’s grave, but instead, he walked over to your place, where he found you seated on the back porch swing, bottle of whiskey in hand and a bonfire blazing.

Flames had started to devour the legs on a pair of blue jeans. A bloodstained shirt, pillow, and what appeared to be an old, broken baseball bat were also being swallowed up by the fire. You scooted over to make room for him, and Joel purposefully ignored the gun next your thigh and the blood splatter still visible on your cheeks and hands. Once he sat down beside you, you offered him the bottle, and he accepted it with a nod of thanks.

“Anyone stop by to talk to you?” he wondered.

You shook your head, “Nope.”

He put the swing in motion with his boot, “Good.”

Joel was a man who understood vengeance. He’d delivered a reckoning to the cultists who’d taken Ellie, had massacred the Fireflies and doctors who’d wanted to dissect her, and he hadn’t lost one minute of sleep over it. You’d gotten justice – pure and true – and a dark part of him wished he’d seen it. An even darker part of him wanted to revive the asshole and kill him for you with his bare hands.

“Oh, I forgot – Carl stopped by,” you announced abruptly. “But that was, you know, before…”

Joel hummed and handed the bottle back to you, “What’d he want?”

“To move back in.”

The swing groaned and the fire popped. You passed the bottle back. He drank deep. Joel’s mind churned over this bit of news. He had no claim – a kiss was still just a kiss and all that. He considered you a friend and still longed for something more, but you had history with Carl, and that meant something.  

“I caught him in bed with her,” you stated bluntly. “And I should’ve been pissed, but I wasn’t.”

Joel quirked a brow, “Really?”

“I know how it sounds. But we’d been fighting for a long time, and when we stopped having sex, he just assumed I was sleeping with you. So, he fucked her. A tit-for-tat, I guess.”

“But you and I – we didn’t do anything.”

You laughed bitterly. Got to your feet. Paced the length of the porch as you owned up to what you believed to be a multitude of sins. Apparently, Joel’s arrival had made things clearer and more difficult at the same time. You’d chosen to spend time with him over Carl. You’d stopped trying to make your relationship work because no matter how absent and checked-out you’d been, he hadn’t actually cared until he believed you’d let someone else stick their cock in you.

“For months, I laid in bed next to him and thought about you,” you self-berated. “I’d touch myself and imagine you. I betrayed him first. Don’t you see?”

He opened his mouth to argue, but you stormed toward the door, and it whacked against the side of the house when you threw it open. It wobbled on its hinges as it banged shut, and even with his shit hearing, the sound of drawers and cabinets being yanked open and slammed closed was clear. Joel followed you inside, and watched you bend over the sink and splash water on your face and neck. Eventually, you smacked the faucet off, hung your head, and gripped the lip of the basin with both hands.

“I told you I was raped in the QZ.”

Joel swallowed hard, “Yes, I remember.”

“I never told Carl.”

“Why?”

You snagged a towel off the counter. Wiped your face. Tossed the cloth aside before you turned around and crossed your arms over your chest.

“Because he never once made me feel safe,” you explained, breath hitched and words clipped. “You do. And he would’ve never killed Wesley – let alone helped me to do it myself.”

Shoulders up to your ears and ponytail askew, you angrily swiped at the tears that spilled from your eyes, and shook your head as if to rid yourself of the feelings and memories that had been stirred up.

Chest tight, Joel stepped forward, and opened his arms to you. You let out a sob and buried your face against his chest. He had a million things he wanted to say, but it all went unsaid because he knew you’d probably heard it all before. Joel didn’t patronize or placate you – he simply rested his cheek on top of your head, held you tight, and encouraged you to get it all out. When you finally settled, he cupped your face in his hands, and met your watery gaze.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

You nodded, “Yes, please.”

He leaned down. Pressed his mouth to yours. Kissed you until he felt you relax and come back to him. Kissed you and hoped you understood there was nothing to be ashamed of – that no matter what, he was on your side. Kissed you until you clung to his shirt and surrendered to him with wanton sound that sent a shot of heat to his gut. 

You asked him to take you to bed, and Joel understood all to well what you were after. You wanted to escape – to silence your conscience and drown yourself in something else for a little while. He didn’t blame you – hell, he wanted the same, exact thing you wanted, but the fear, the guilt, and the pall of death and regret that seemed to cling to you both like a shroud? He didn’t want that, and he sure as hell didn’t want a moment that you’d both been longing for to be haunted and overshadowed by the horrors of the past.

Joel met your eyes, “You know I’m dyin’ to get you naked, right?”

“Yeah,” you replied through a garbled laugh. “You’ve made that real clear.”

“Well, I can’t believe I’m sayin’ this, but I’m gonna keep my hands to myself today.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s not the right time,” he murmured. “And because you’re hurtin’. You understand what I’m tryin’ to say, sweetheart?”

Furrowed brow. Parted lips. You looked keen to argue, but when he grasped your hands and flattened them against his chest, you immediately stilled. Realization dawned, and he made sure you only saw acceptance and understanding in his gaze when he unflinchingly pressed the tips of your bloodstained fingers to his lips.

“I want you. Fuck, sweetheart, I want you so bad it hurts,” he reiterated as he brushed the tears from your cheeks. “But not like this.”

“Soon, though?” you croaked.

He dipped his chin, “Soon. I promise.”

Chapter 07: June

#joel x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fic #tlou fan fic #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller fanfiction #wordywarriorwrites #calendar girl

[ayyyez]

Love how the majority of your haikyuu masterlist is going to be filled w/ asks by me <3 Teamwork

ANYWAY, how about hcs of haikyuu characters favorite Ghibli films?? Again, pick any characters that come to your mind, though I'll toss in Ennoshita as he's a film enthusiast and Yachi sense she hasn't been requested yet!

A/N: pfft! Yeah, it's you, me and our Haikyuu headcanons against the world bestie <3 BUT yeah of course I'll do these. Actually I have this urge to watch Porco Rosso again now. I did watch my fav recently too.

TAGS: general headcanons, fav movies, studio ghibli films, fluff, Director Ennoshita vibes, Sweet Yachi, Snuggled up Ghibli date with Kenma, Hinata siblings bonding, Kuroo is a dork

CHARACTERS: Ennoshita Chikara, Yachi Hitoka, Kenma Kozume, Hinata Shouyou, Kuroo Tetsurou with honourable mentions at the end

ENNOSHITA CHIKARA:

While Ennoshita can sit down and enjoy films I feel like he enjoys watching them more for the analytical film side of things. He likes to break them down and analyse the technical and thematical aspects as well as thinking about how he feels watching them.

The film buff in him holds Grave of the Fireflies (1988) so highly that even though it ripped his heart out he holds it as one of his favourite must watch in your life time films. He definitely cried his eyes out too. Not ashamed to admit it either. Can talk for hours about the powerful themes and will convince you to watch it if you haven't.

I think his all time favourite Ghibli movie though would be Princess Mononoke (1997). It just has that rewatchability, the visuals, the action, the complexity of the characters and the 'you're beautiful' line. It just captures everything he loves in films. Ennoshita the simp identifying with the simp characters. Hell yeah.

I think he'd watch all of the Ghibli films at least once and enjoy most of them enough to rewatch.

YACHI HITOKA:

I don't think she watches many movies. Ghibli movies I feel are the few that Yachi did come across though. I think a friend in her elementary school years introduced them to her. The first one she ever saw was Spirited Away (2001) and its held a special place in her heart ever since. It's probably her favourite one to rewatch.

She would have this fantasy as a kid too that every time she walked down an alleyway or through an arch she'd be whisked off away to another world. Yachi knew it was silly but it was her only escape from her studies.

Another one she really likes is Kiki's Delivery Service (1989). She really admires Kiki's confidence of being able to go out into world so young and make it on her own. It's the kind of confidence she wished she had for herself. As she gets older and grows confident she looks back on this movie with warmth, seeing herself become more confident like Kiki.

I like to think Ghibli movies for Yachi are comfort movies that she returns to in adulthood that remind her how much she's grown.

KENMA KOZUME:

I've said before he's into anime and manga, I think he'd be into Ghibli films too. I feel he'd chuck them on as way to wind down from gaming. Snug in bed and content just putting on a nice Ghibli film. Perfect. His perfect date night too honestly. There's actually a few I feel he'd like so I've given him a top 3 in no particular order.

Howl's Moving Castle (2004)—it's a staple and one of his most rewatched. He finds it easy to watch, likes the music, the banter of the romance couple and yeah maybe Howl's kinda hot sometimes even when he's pathetic. Kind of wants Howl merch. Buys the earrings.

When Marnie Was There (2014)—Shed a tear or two the first time because wow he wasn't expecting such a touching story. Was there for all the feels. Watched it again a few days later because it was stuck on his mind. It became one of his favs he puts on those occassions he wants to feel something.

Whisper of the Heart (1995)—Maybe because it's also my fav and the main love interest reminds me of a my fav dork that gets paired with Kenma and I feel like thats cute. But also I just feel like he'd vibe with this cute movie a lot! His fav character is the cat Muta.

HINATA SHOUYOU:

Loves to watch these movies with his sister Natsu. They watch anime together in general but Ghibli movies are just those extra fun ones they put on. They have a range but his favourite one is probably My Neighbour Totoro (1988).

Totoro is one of the first films Hinata remembers watching in general so it's mostly the nostalgia that makes it his favourite. He's an emotional film enjoyer. It's not about the themes or the analysis. He just wants to have fun and enjoy himself. Also the memories of watching it with his sister is what makes it special.

You know as well that if he's sharing this film with you then it's a big deal. It means a lot to him. It's a treasured part of his childhood. It's probably something he takes with him to brazil aswell like a little piece of home along with his one piece manga.

Bought his sister a little Totoro keychain in his third year when he was in Tokyo. Gave it to her before he left for brazil. It was like a little goodbye to their childhood together.

KUROO TETSUROU:

He's another one I feel has a couple of favourites. Ones he has come to love and find comfort films in.

The first one is just one he likes for the themes, the main character and the laughs. Porco Rosso (1992)—Obviously loves the whole seaplane pirates action of it all and heroic main character. I feel like he'd identify with the main character not being good at admiting romantic feelings (Kuroo's a fumbler). Also appreciates the character growth throughout the film. Also the whole 'I'd rather be a pig than facist.' 10/10.

Only Yesterday (1991)—This one I see him watching on a whim when he was younger. His parents were arguing again, his life was a little unstable and uncertain (this was before he moved nextdoor to Kenma) and he needed to drown the noise out. He found this movie put it on and really connected with it. He really felt lost like the main character and felt hope watching it—seeing there was a hopeful ending.

I think as he gets older and expands his viewing I think Kuroo would also vibe with Whisper of the Heart (1995). He'd vibe with the main love interest. He's on the same level, trying to be cool to win over the person he has a crush on but really he's been pining all this time. Also working hard to pursue his dreams? Kuroo all over. He's also just a sucker for a love.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS:

My Neighbor Totoro (1988)/Kiki's Delivery Service (1989): Kiyoko Shimizu, Yaku Morisuke, Yamaguchi Tadashi

Porco Rosso (1992)/Princess Mononoke (1997): Bokuto Koutarou, Iwaizumi Haijime, Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Saeko Tanaka, Osamu Miya, Atsumu Miya, Suna Rintarou

Only Yesterday(1991)/Whisper of the Heart (1995): Oikawa Tooru, Akaashi Keiji, Kenji Futakuchi

Spirited Away (2001)/Howl's Moving Castle (2004): Kunimi Akira, Semi Eita, Kageyama Tobio, Kiyoomi Sakusa

Ponyo (2008)/The Secret World of Arrietty (2010)/When Marnie Was There (2014): Tendou Satori (he likes them all but it's the visuals and emotions), Aone Takanobu, Koganegawa Kanji, Kentarou Kyoutani

#haikyuu headcanons #hq headcanons #ennoshita headcanons #ennoshita chikara headcanons #ennoshita chikara #yachi hitoka #yachi headcanons #yachi hitoka headcanons #kenma kozume #kenma kozume headcanons #kenma headcanons #hinata shouyou headcanons #hinata shouyou #hinata headcanons #hinata shoyo headcanons #kuroo tetsurou headcanons #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo headcanons #kuroo tetsuro headcanons #ennoshita x reader #yachi x reader #kenma x reader #hinata x reader #kuroo x reader #kuroo fluff #kenma fluff #yachi fluff #ennoshita fluff #hinata fluff

[breadsandwiches]

Wanted to share my tdp playlists bc i honestly like how they turned out! 💃

Some of these were recommended by dragonprinceofficial! (a, c, v, s)

(Very in depth and thought provoking comments about my fave songs under the cut >>>)

AARAVOS

Time, Stars, Universe Pretty ethereal star god vibes

Play with Fire Whatever his beef with the Sunfire peeps, im enjoying it and am glad he is too. slay queen (literally)

Dishonored 2 Main Theme creepy ominous spider-spinning-its-web vibes ok?

Inside the Cage Listen to sexy mental breakdown song.

In the Palace ~ Agitato Creepy fucked up butterfly beast. For context watch HxH, its fun!!! 😀 (< dead inside) Also soundtrack for Aaravos losing his mind in prison and making his puppets dance till their feet bleed! 😍

Adore Adore The story can change at the roll of a dice babeyy 😎 no fr the lyrics are fire

Throne Wrath and violence on planat earth

Nosk Spider-pulling-in-its-prey vibes. Callum wyd 👁👁

Dark Matter The drama.. the vibes.. "bring me your soul bring me your ~HATE~" *insert elmo fire gif*

Black Train/End Credits ~piano~ Also death etc. etc. idek. damn should this be on viren or claudia's playlist instead? 🤔

CLAUDIA

Restless Year I always imagine her dancing or playing the bass to this. Also this song was literally written about her /lie

W.I.T.C.H. We all know this would be on her playlist in a modern au.

My Zero It's fine, she's just gradually losing grip of her family and also herself, she's losing her beginnings 😀👍 ok

Selfless "You're mucking off, but I will live for you, my selfless love". Screaming crying throwing up etc.

Fireflies Nothing to say here except that it's perfect.

A Victory of Love Objectively a bop. Songs that make me Ascend™

Galaxies Honestly im just rlly invested in the modern au where she's a bassist in a cool band and this is one of the songs theyd be playing. but also the lyrics kinda fit

Spanish Sahara She can have a little vengeance as a treat. Also trauma <3

Young and Tragic sad :( baby magefam feels :((

VIREN

The Unquiet Grave he's a corpse 👍

Werewolf Heart Thinking about Harrow, thinking about Lissa maybe. also those wolves and screams?? sir... 🧍‍♂️ Also sexy bass. what more do you want.

Mohammed Most sexy guitar ive ever heard ever im not joking. leave me alone

LA PAURA DEL BUIO lyrics fit pretty well. also this playlist has a criminal lack of angry rock songs

Fight Like Gods Lyrics and such

Way down We Go idk how to describe it without saying the word sexy again :/

The Sun Pretty 😳

Sleep Oughg (< relates a bit too much)

Ashes to Ashes idk man, its just pretty. like Viren <3 <3 <3

Into Dust damn ok tdpo

SOREN

Beautiful Day idk this just has Soren all over to me. the early sunrise wake up feeling, the hopeful optimism idk man

Uptown Funk Originally wasn't putting this in but it is Sooo S1-2 Soren. Also this

Back Against The Wall A+ rec from tdpo

Ode To The Mets I am so normal about this song so normal i listen to it a regular amount haha *insert one of those feral stick figures with blood all over*

Run Magefam feels 💃

Edge of Darkness Next on Songs that make me Ascend™. "I've got love in my heart for an army apart" :(

Fill Your Heart This is one of my fave songs ever its so joyful i love it and I love Soren

Obstacles This song is already Not Ok on its own, but combined with the Soren-Claudia feels it's an atrocity 👍 Songs for floating away on a river never to return

What's Up Ya boy might not always be the brightest but he's definitely the more emotionally intelligent one also i love him so much hhskvhvhhvhvhbv

#the dragon prince #aaravos #claudia tdp #lord viren #viren tdp #soren tdp #i spent WAY too much time on this #at least it was fun #songs were chosen based firstly on vibe and secondly on lyrics #also i have sacrificed like more than 5 strokes songs are you proud 😪 #balance in all things etc. etc. 😊 #anyway this is me showing you my neatly sorted pebble and/or rock collection except they're songs #i just think they're neat #my thoughts #music tag

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Hi ari 🤍 brought you a question. Again 😋 Which ghibli movies or characters best suit different jjk characters? Mention non ghibli anime too if u want :D include the heartbreaking film - grave of the fireflies if you have seen it. Gotta sleep bye!! Have a nice day 😁

hi toruuuu :333 thank you for the question!!! I LOVE STUDIO GHIBLI SOOOOO MUCH i actually haven’t watched grave of the fireflies tho 😭😭 i’m most familiar w the miyazaki movies but i’ll include some others for this question too !! most of these are entirely vibe-based LMAO

satoru - howl’s moving castle

do i even need to say it ???? gojo is howl. howl is gojo. they’re soooo similar and this movie in general just reminds me of him sm :(((( i think he’d love it a lot!!! the star motifs, the war, the breakfast and kindness in sophie’s found family…… howl who is so strong and out of reach. who views himself as a monster. but he finds love in so many ways and he gives love to so many people….. sob. he makes me so emotional. he’s also a pathetic loser which is very gojocoded <3333

suguru - spirited away

I HAD TO PICK IT . I HAD TO. throwback to my childhood friend!sugu and his queer awakening being haku LMAO……. i just think this movie is so unbelievably sugucoded with all the yōkai and ominous vibes…. but then also those little bits and pieces of family as a theme :3 obv he reminds me a lot of haku. with the dragon form and everything… the devotion….. think sugu would love this movie a ton and i think nanamimi would adore it. they force him to watch it all the time hehe

shoko - castle in the sky

CHOOSING ONE FOR SHOKO WAS TOUGHHH but eventually i landed here ….. this one is entirely vibe-based but. just. the plot…. the pirates and planes and high-speed chase scenes and the castle in the sky with all its advanced technology….. especially the castle. the robots!!!! the retrofuturistic style in general is soooo shoko…. and obviously the war themes but that’s kind of a given for any of miyazaki’s works. honestly i think porco rosso is very very shokocoded too but i had to give that to another one of my blorbos….. this movie just makes me feel so nostalgic and i think the themes fit shoko a ton :3

honourable mention to the ghibli lupin movie that i Have Not Seen but i just KNOW shoko would love it. trust. anything detective/phantom thief based makes me think of her

kenny - the boy and the heron / nausicaä of the valley of the wind

I COULDN’T DECIDE 💔 nausicaä was another big contender for shoko’s movie but i just think it’s too weird and freaky to give to anyone but kenny. that movie TRAUMATIZED me as a child. and i think kenny would love it. also just???? the creepy bugs????? nature vs humanity?????? those themes feel so kenny. he’d like the protag a lot i think!!

as for the boy and the heron…. it’s just Vibes. the heron reminds me of kenny!! and i think he’d love the movie a lot…. the depictions of war and the fantasy world, the blend between comedy and violence….. i just feel like there’s such a strong contrast between the bleak realism and the colourful fantasy elements. and that makes me think of kenny!!! i want to watch this movie w him so BAD bro i know his commentary would be the best 😔😔

toji - porco rosso

IT FITS HIM SO WELL. I FEEL INSANE. porco rosso is one of my Absolute Favorite ghibli movies andddd i think toji would love it / it’s just so Him!!!! porco rosso is genuinely him. a literal pig who smokes cigars and flies jet planes….. this movie is so special to me and it’s just giving toji vibes :3 the cigarettes and planes and beautiful gorgeous women…. the macho men. etcetc. but also the grief and the tender scenes….. i’ll never forget that One scene with all the planes of the people who died ascending up into the sky :(((( yeah. this movie is so good and so underrated and i think toji would love it sooooo damn bad

nobara - whisper of the heart / the cat returns

had to give my best girl the best movie <333 being whisper of the heart. but since the cat returns is connected to it and also very nobaracoded i thought i’d go with both!!!! the cat returns is just so funnnn and since nobara is a cat person i think it’s perfect for her!! i can imagine her watching it as a kid and having a crush on both the protag AND the baron lmao. she watches it for comfort now n then <33

and whisper of the heart…. my favorite ghibli movie Of All Time <333 it’s sooo nostalgic and coming-of-age as a genre is very Her. there are so many fun lovely scenes that i think noba would like :((( idk if she’d actually like romance movies bUT. shizuku’s journey with writing and growing up and finding more control in her life feels very nobara. she’s true to herself!!!! i think nobara would hateeee seiji tho rip to him 💀💀 these movies just bring me soooo much comfort and nobara does too <333

megumi - ponyo

THIS ONE IS JUST SO. yeah. the nature themes?? the sea???? the fishes?????? everything is so megumi i could see him loving this movie soso much :(((( he’s embarrassed to admit it but it’s his comfort movie. he loves the scene w the ramen…. idk the vibes here are just very gumi. again!!! the sea!!!! the sea rising to the surface!!!!!! all the underwater scenes are so vibrant and pretty….. ALSO THE ABSENT FATHERISM? yeah. megumi is ponyocoded. he loves it so much <33 watches it with yuji and nobara and feels so cozy. baby boy.

mai - kiki’s delivery service

you know i had to give this one to her <333 momo and miwa and her watch it for sure. ANOTHER one of my Absolute Favs btw and it’s just!! yeah. it’s mai. what can i say. the witches and cats and also just the whole theme of being thrust into a completely new environment??? having to adjust???? and the difficulty kiki has with that…. her eventual burnout :(((( it just reminds me a bit of mai’s life. i think she’d love to run away to a completely different country… find a place where she feels wanted and loved. sniffle. i love this girl w all my heart :(((( i like to think that her and maki watched this one as kids…. maki likes the more action-leaning ghibli movies more but she would watch it to make mai happy. i love them.

takaba - pompoko

aaaand finally!!!! a silly movie for a silly meowmeow :3 NO BUT ACTUALLY THOUGHH CAN WE PLS TALK ABOUT THIS MOVIE . I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO LOVES IT RIGHT…. it’s just so funny and sooooo weird but also soso heartfelt and that’s takaba down to a tee!!! the japanese mythology elements made me think of kenny too….. this movie is both kenny and takaba coded i think. they’d both love it. BUT YEAH I JUST THINK THIS MOVIE IS VERY HIM…. the tanukis and their lil adventures :3 but also the spooky scenes. and the struggles they face!! when humans destroy their homes!!!! takaba would watch this movie and he would cry. sweet sweet puppy of a man.

#THANK YOUUU FOR THE FUN QUESTION <333 #it’s been a while since i watched some of these but i love them very much :3 #ask tag ✩

[alanshee-keeper-of-realms]

What is your opinion about other animation studios such as DreamWorks Animation, Blue Sky Studios, Illumination, Sony Animation, among others?

I think they're all practically on the same level of Disney they all have their merits they have their downsides like Illumination being the reason the Minions exist but I mean *points to Mickey Mouse* practically the same situation,

DreamWorks is great if you want a Down to Earth film with plenty of laughter. I mean, they literally handled Death as a character recently in Puss in Boots,

Also great meme moments many great meme moments have come from the studio and we forever thank them for that,

Illumination is great if you just want to get your mind off of things yes I actually enjoyed how stupid the minions are didn't care for all the fart jokes but you know what the little guys won me over with their humor and just being silly it's great if you're just trying to get your mind off of things and relax.

Sony is the up and coming Disney. I say Disney about a hundred years ago, Sony, we need to be paying attention to because they are the ones challenging Disney Warner Bros has completely dropped out of the challenging Disney game have we seen the fumble that was Coyote versus Acme that has now turned into Coyote versus Warner

Warner Bros I will bring up a little bit but they have practically dropped out of the game I'm surprised Bugs Bunny isn't wearing Mickey Mouse ears by now especially with them ending up blacklisted by half of Hollywood after their little stunt no I'm not joking after they tried canceling coyote versus Acme they had over 500 people reportedly calling and canceling right left and Center and Warner Bros is still doing damage control

However I will say I used to as a kid love the Looney Tunes films that they produced Space Jam back in Action which I still claim that is a baffy Reconciliation film there was no need for bugs to sound so affectionate at times with Daffy and Daffy also practically having husband energy throughout it the card trick situation with Elmer Fudd really shows how in tune these guys are with one another.

Even kid me was saying those two were married.

They have produced the Mario movie The Spiderverse movies they are the ones handling the Legend of Zelda. Sony is becoming a Powerhouse in themselves. They are what we think Disney should be right now, they are probably the reason why Disney has not completely slipped into being fully lazy.

Blue Sky rest in peace you must not know that they actually got shut down and is now part of Disney I have had fun with the Rio characters mixing with Jose Panchito and Donald because of this and yes I have made a few jokes about the Ice Age characters wreaking havoc in Disneyland. I loved Blue Sky they had their own uniqueness experimentation definitely but they made some very memorable films from Robots to Rio to Ice Age they were incredible themselves.

One that you didn't mention that I quite enjoy even though they are not an American studio is Studio Ghibli gorgeous stunning animation every single time waiting for their films is like waiting for a good meal you already know the chef you know the people serving it you know it's going to taste damn good and it hits almost always the only time they fumbled was when they handed it to miyazaki's son and he tried to pull the whole CG bullshit with it which completely floundered Earwig and the witch

But the rest of their films have been nothing but hard Heavy Hitters if you want films that will make you freaking think go sit down and watch a Studio Ghibli film there is one of theirs that I can never watch again and that is grave of the fireflies if you want to know how it was in Japan during the war Miyazaki and his crew tackled that hard topic and it does not end in a fairy tale ending it is hard it gets you crying but it also opens up your eyes

Each of these Studios that I mentioned have their merits. I love each and every one of them for either their quirkiness or just imagination, just like Disney.

#animation #animation studio #blue sky #dreamworks #Disney #warner bros #illumination

[remidyal]

jasmine aloe vera and nutmeg for the ask <333

jasmine ⇢ do you have a movie or book you loved but will never watch/read again?

Ooh, there's a few of these, actually.

First and most relevant to my fandom, though technically not a movie or a book, I'll never rewatch Misfits and Magic. I don't hold it against anyone who still loves it, I think the series was made with all good intent and also that the transphobia of the thing it was parodying was less blatant at that point (though certainly still present), but I would just banish even things mocking that entire property to the shadow realm if I could at this point and I'm glad we've gotten two other Aabria-GMed series (that honestly I think were both better anyway) to watch with my various rewatch groups.

For movies, there's a bunch of movies that I thought were good but also kind of too painful to want to really rewatch - Hereditary and Grave of the Fireflies immediately leap to mind, but there are probably a half dozen others that fall under this.

For books, there's one that immediately leaps to mind - I'm a fan of @dduane's Young Wizards series from childhood, but I happened to pick up The Wizard's Dilemma a couple days before my grandmother unexpectedly died not realizing how heavy the subject of the book would be and then read it while I was waiting for my parents to do all the funeral stuff and... It was ill-timed, let's just say, and the thought of touching that very lovely book again is the emotional equivalent of trying to reach for a hot stove.

ivy ⇢ what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?

I think this is different online than it is in person but if I'm stressed out I tend to resort to kind of more formal language, usually, at least if I'm trying to be respectful/not burn bridges. This backfires a lot with some people I think - I've gotten accused of passive aggression on this front before, though in at least a couple cases it was from people who I know are just bad faith jerks anyway (and in one case who went on to harass me so hey)

I'm usually pretty happy online though! And I've basically been tired since around 2009.

aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

Hmm, I think I've gotten to have a lot of these that I would have wanted, and a lot of the ones are just too late for and are gender/transition related. I think if I had to pick one thing that ISN'T might be ever owning my own home (probably a condo or townhouse) - my rent is murdering me these days, it's doubled over the last four years and it was too much before and it's blocking a lot of those other things from being in reach.

thank you for the ask!

#asks

[sl33pybug1]

I forgot If I sent in another ask yet so sorry if you already had one from me and I just forgot about it, work hasn't gotten much easier cause I had emergency shifts on my off days 🙁 I've played omori before, i really like the plot and easter eggs! Though I haven't heard of error 143, I'll have to check it out! How was your day? Also! I got around to watching grave of the fireflies and it's so sad! The part where Setsuko died made me cry omg😢

-Mr. 🧸

It’s okay!! I was getting a bit worried because I hadn’t gotten one for a bit lol. I’m sorry they called you in like that it sounds like you have a very urgent and busy job! I hope you can relax soon. And it was pretty fun!! It’s a romance game and 4 days are free on steam I think:) my day was ok!! I’ve been sick again lately but other then that fine!! And I’m glad you got to watch it! It really is sad but it’s such an amazing story and I feel like it really helped me see a different perspective on world war 2. How’s your day been Mr.🧸?:)

#age regressor #agere blog #agere community #sfw agere #agere #agere little #little space #safe agere #age dreaming #age regression

[the-furthest-city-light]

Ghibli Watchthrough: Grave of the Fireflies

See this post for an explanation for why this is showing up on your One Piece blog.

For the record, it's really hard to find images of this movie that aren't heart wrenching, so this relatively benign one is the only one we're gonna get.

I have seen this movie before, and unfortunately, yes, I did watch it again.

If you don't know or have never seen it before, Grave of the Fireflies is about two orphans trying to survive in the middle of WWII Japan after the death of their mother and destruction of their home. It's also the first Ghibli movie directed by Isao Takahata. It's interesting to observe the differences in style between this movie and the Miyazaki films because I'm sure many of the same animators were working on it. The characters' faces is where I personally find the most difference (though that could also be because this is a much more grounded sort of film than anything Miyazaki ever did).

Grave of the Fireflies is just. Unbearably sad, and keeps getting sadder. The kids are innocents in this world and also completely in over their heads. They suffer and they suffer and there's never any relief. Piece by piece their every link to society and the social safety net as it existed at the time is taken away, and they end up in the depths of poverty and illness. In retrospect it totally makes sense why they released Totoro as a double feature, they probably wanted to make sure people weren't sobbing as they left the theater.

I'm sure there are a lot of nuances of Japanese history and culture that can be discussed in regards to this film, but I'm not going to pretend to know anything about that.

Now if you need me, I'll be sobbing. Not gonna rate this one.

#studio ghibli #grave of the fireflies #isao takahata #media

[saint-bestial]

∘✧ 9 people you’d like to get to know better ✧∘

Tagged by @skiel-infinity

➣ Tags

1. Three ships: shivshipping (sylvester x kiryu) it owns my life forever and ever idc if it's my oc x canon it counts to me. they are the train wreck i constantly play over and over in my head. and then toolshipping (bruno x yusei) is probably my favorite canon x canon ship. they're so cute and tragic. finally destinyshipping (edo x saiou) genuinely such a good ship i barely see anyone talking about. their history kinda fucked me up while watching gx ngl.

2. First ever ship: i do not remember lmao. the furthest back i can remember is aztecshipping (yuma x iii) i can distinctly remember doing aztec rp with my friend on minecraft many many years ago. before that i have no clue. i don't think i shipped much of anything prior to that. i don't ship very often in general lol

3. Last song: elysium by invert animate. i really like without a whisper off the same album (heavener) so i decided to listen to it in its entirety last night.

4. Last movie: grave of the fireflies iirc. very fucking sad but good.

5. Currently reading: nothing rn i just finished we have always lived in the castle by shirley jackson the other day. it definitely took a bit to hook me but it was worth it. very much a ghost story/local folktale prequel type book. i also finished revelator by daryl gregory recently and i would totally recommend it if you like horror and southern gothic. i might start if it bleeds by stephen king soon or one of the other books i have lying around.

6. Currently watching: again nothing rn 😭 i finished fullmetal alchemist brotherhood a while ago and i'm not really ready to take anything else in yet. i want to watch the 2003 version but no idea when i'll get around to it.

7. Currently consuming: minecraft videos and video essays lmao.

8. Currently craving: salmon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. People to Tag: i'm always so shy about tagging people in stuff like this so anyone is free to fill this out and tag me to show me if you want <3

#tag game