#also i hope that i don’t have to mention this but this post is not about proshipping or apologists gosh

[theyluvkarolina]

heyy!!!

can i request lando x volleyball girlie who did vb for two years but has to quit because of a knee injury please? feel free to ignore if this doesn't spark anything!!

𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 (𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓)

· . ୨୧⭒๋࣭ ⭑ ` ` it’s giving oikawa from haikyuu ` ` ⊹ ‧₊˚

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 ୨୧ Volleyball was all you ever known, and everything was looking up in your career, until an injury. Luckily, your boyfriend is there to hope you cope and get better.

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 ୨୧ Lando Norris x Volleyball!Fem!Reader

𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄 𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌: Maddie Madayag (for volleyball photos)

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 ୨୧ mentions of a injury but nothing severe.

𝐀/𝐍 ୨୧ tysm for the request! I decided to do my own little spin on this with making this a bit more of a crack fic but definitely kept the volleyball and knee injury! Also, this is pretty short! I’m so sorry with the length of this, but i really liked this request and wanted to do it! I hope you enjoy it 🩶 I’ve had my fair share of injuries that led me to quit what i loved, so the fic kinda hits hard for me 🥹 i used to play football/soccer growing up until i pulled my back muscle in my 9th year of school and wasn’t able to play the same ever again, injuries suck 👎

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(PS: Date on photo does not matter, fic happens between Aus and Japan GP!)

Instagram

y/n_volleys posted a story 3 minutes ago!

username, landonorris, username and other replied to your story!

username1 MISS GIRL.

username2 OMG 😭😭

username3 HELLO??? NOT THE ACL

username4 we’re cooked 😞😞

landonorris THIS IS HOW I FIND OUT YOU INJURED YOURSELF??? landonorris HOLD ON landonorris I’M NOT MESSAGING YOU THROUGH INSTAGRAM DMS. landonorris OPEN MY MESSAGES.

iMessages

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y/n_volleys ✔︎

liked by landonorris, lilymunihe, alexalbon, and others

y/n_volleys success!! surgery went well. heartbroken to be going out like this especially before the olympics but i will be coming back stronger 💪 time to take some time to myself 🫶

3,214 comments

landonorris ✔︎ whatever you do don’t move out of bed before i get home

landonorris ✔︎ drink water

landonorris ✔︎ get sleep

landonorris ✔︎ enjoy your cookie ice cream thing

landonorris ✔︎ don’t exercise too much

→ y/n_volleys ✔︎ lando are you my bf or my mom? → landonorris ✔︎ right now i’m being a caring boyfriend 🤨🤨 im sorry i love you 😒 → username5 i want to have love like this. → username6 google, how do i find a bf that cares about me, has a good job, is funny, kind, and loves me more than the world? 🧑‍💻 → lilymunihe ✔︎ @ alexalbon why aren’t you like this with me → alexalbon ✔︎ i literally already am 😕😕 → lilymunihe ✔︎ i don’t see my cookies and ice cream in a mug.

username7 the leg injury is giving oikawa from haikyu

→ y/n_volleys ✔︎ …no… no.. NO DON’T TAKE ME BACK TO 2020 → username8 Y/N IS GETTING WAR FLASHBACKS

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y/n_volleys posted a story 24 minutes ago!

lilymunihe, username, username and other replied to your story!

username9 ZOO WEE MAMA 😍 → y/n_volleys that’s my bf 😍😍

username10 GIRL DID YOU HAVE TO POST THIS → y/n_volleys I NEED TO SHOW PEOPLE WHAT THEY ARE MISSING 😣😣

lilymunihe ✔︎ GIRL WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS HERE → y/n_volleys ✔︎ girl fuck them kids 🗣️ ‼️

y/n_volleys ✔︎

liked by landonorris, bsf_username, lailahasanovic and others

y/n_volleys get yourself a bf who takes care of you after tearing you leg apart 🩷

tagged ; landonorris

3,245 comments

username11 they are actually so cute

username12 dumping my bf if he doesn’t do this more me.

oscarpiastri ✔︎what a caption!

→ y/n_volleys ✔︎ do you want it in full detail → oscarpiastri ✔︎ no.

carlosainz55 ✔︎ did lando ever finish that puzzle?

→ y/n_volleys ✔︎ he did finish it → carlosainz55 ✔︎ …did? → y/n_volleys ✔︎ yeah it was finished BEFORE HE DROPPED IT ON THE FLOOR TRYING TO MOVE IT → landonorris ✔︎ I SAID I WAS SORRY. → y/n_volleys ✔︎ you left your injured gf to clean up the mess 😞😞 → maxfewtrell ✔︎ wooowww lando… @ landonorris → oscarpiastri ✔︎ what a gentleman @ landonorris → carlosainz55 ✔︎ntsk tsk… @ landonorris → maxverstappen1 ✔︎ some boyfriend you are @ landonorris → landonorris ✔︎ LEAVE ME ALONE I WENT TO GO GET THE BROOM → username13 it’s not a good day if y/n and lando fight with each other (lovingly)

lando.jpeg ✔︎

liked by y/n_volleys, carlosainz55, oscarpisatri and others

lando.jpeg gf appreciation post (pre injury photo included 😱)

2,571 comments

y/n_volleys ✔︎ last photo makes this feel like a facebook mom post

y/n_volleys ✔︎ i want to kiss you rn 🥹 i love you so much 🧡

→ lando.jpeg you are literally in the bed next to me rn turn over and kiss me on my hot mouth. i’m feeling romantical → oscarpiastri ✔︎ what did i just read. → y/n_volleys ✔︎ shakespeare 😍

username14 not them playing minecraft together :((

→ username15 but the real question is… did they put their beds next to each other? → y/n_volleys ✔︎ wooooahhhh what kind of unholy person do you think i am??? → lando.jpeg ✔︎ we aren’t insane 🙄 🙄

username16 i wish i was y/n

→ username17 fuck being y/n i want to be lando he has a amzing woman as his gf.

y/n_volleys ✔︎

liked by landonorris, usavwnt and others

y/n_volleys different from my other posts… but I wanted to give a big thank you to all the fans, my family, and friends for the nonstop support for me and overcoming thi injury. I can’t wait to be back in rehab training for you all to see me back on the court 🩷 lots of love!! 🥹

3,501 comments

usavwnt ✔︎ glad to see you improve and get better! see you back on the court!! 💪

Liked by y/n_volleys!

username18 not the free feet pics 😣😣

username19 y/n and lando are such cutie

username20 i’m so happy to see her get the support she needs ❤️‍🩹

landnorris ✔︎ and where is my shout out and tag???

→ y/n_volleys ✔︎ i’d also love to give a big shout out to my amazing, brunet, curly haired, British, born in Bristol boyfriend, who lives in Monaco and treats me like a princess, and is the kindest, sweetest, funniest man I’ve ever met in my life who also happens to be a f1 driver ❤️ → landnorris ✔︎ much better 😋😋 → oscarpiastri ✔︎ aw (i’m going to throw up if you keep kissing in the garage) → y/n_volleys ✔︎ ..oscar… I thought we agreed to keep that between us three… → oscarpiastri ✔︎ whoops → username21 bro outed them and said “whoops” 💀💀

#☆ﾟ user ↳ theyluvkarolina ◝ #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #formula 1 #formula one x reader #f1 imagine #f1 smau #formula one x you #☆ﾟ smau ↳ theyluvkarolina ◝ #lando norris x reader #lando x reader #lando norris #lando #mclaren formula 1 #formula 1 x reader #carlos sainz #max verstappen #oscar piastri #max fewtrell #f1 fic #f1 social media au #charles leclerc #f1

[penguinbuttcheeks]

Not a Woman - price x reader

summary: you get called to price’s office after a mission gone wrong in russia. after internalising your emotions for so long, you’re unable to hold back and finally reveal your deepest secret.

pairing: platonic!price x transmasc!reader

cw: mentions/hints towards sa, internalised transphobia (from reader), stereotyped sexism (cuz this is the military and the 141 boys would absolutely have some internalised misogyny ingrained in them)

word count: 3,079

A/N: there’s not really any fics out there targeted towards male readers, specifically trans men- and i wanted to write something (somewhat of a vent) about my own experience as a trans masc person.

this was originally posted on ao3, but i also wanted to post it here since i’ve gotten some good feedback and it boosted my confidence a bit :p

this is my first ever fic, so any feedback or tips would be super appreciated !!

After a particularly hard mission, you were called into Price’s office for a little chat.

The TaskForce's recent mission in Russia hadn't panned out as smoothly as he had hoped.

While the team's intel was thorough, word had gotten out that the 141 were planning to infiltrate a terrorist organisation from an unknown source. The plan had been disclosed before the group had even managed to reach their location.

It was complete and utter chaos. The entire team outnumbered with masses of last minute reinforcements.

The five of you barely made it out alive and Price now had the added stress of trying to locate the mole who had leaked highly confidential information from the TaskForce.

The following weeks succeeding the mission, your attitude had started to become short with some of your teammates and often ended in hostility.

The four men were starting to reach their limit, originally approaching you with care, however their patience soon ran thin. It was a draining mission for everyone after all.

Patience soon turned to agitation as each attempt to reach out to you was shut down. All that they had received in return were your harsh, snarky retorts and violent yells. Your behaviour was a stark contrast to the usually friendly and calm nature everyone at the base knew you for.

The taskforce Captain needed to check up on you - for the sake of his men, and for the sake of their own sanity.

Upon hearing the news that Price had called you to his office, you were immediately on high alert.

You weren't oblivious to your behaviour. Each attempt to open up to your comrades about any internal struggle that was so deeply buried was replaced with hurtful insults.

It hurt, but you knew they were hurting more.

You entered Price's office after knocking swiftly on his door with three simple knocks, his tired voice granting you permission to enter from inside.

Price had tried to approach the conversation professionally, tried to keep a level head, however when you snap at him in a sudden fit of anger - the calm, almost fatherly attitude is immediately gone.

“Don’t you dare raise your voice at me!” He growls, standing up from his desk. The palms of his hands pressed firmly in to the wooden table surface as he towered over you.

The anger in his eyes was palpable. Terrifying almost.

The hardened gaze you keep trained on Price falters slightly, a small flash of fear crossing your features before it's quickly buried away, trying to maintain a strong composure in the midst of your Captain's presence.

His expression doesn’t change, keeping his cold stare trained on you. A small part of him respects you for standing your ground but most of him is disappointed. Hurt.

“Do you have something you need to get off your chest, Sergeant? Something bothering you?” His voice is hard now as he glares down at you, his anger bubbling just below the surface as he watches you trying to maintain your facade.

Price is met with nothing but silence as he stares down at the soldier in front of him.

With your head held high and shoulders tightly squared - you simply glare back at him in defiance.

The office is eerily silent, the tense atmosphere could easily be cut with even the dullest of blades left discarded to be sharpened in the training room.

Time seems to still as the two soldiers stare each other down.

If it weren't for the emotional turmoil fogging your rationale you would be horrified by your lack of respect towards Price on any other day.

Despite your futile attempts to maintain your composure, hot, angry tears spring to your eyes, a heavy lump forming at the base of your throat.

It’s not long before they’re spilling over your cheeks. Fat, hot droplets dripping from your chin and leaving rain-like splatters on the tiled floor surrounding your feet.

Price’s expression immediately softens at the sight, the cold mask of his exterior cracking as the pain in his voice rises.

“Damnit…”

In one swift motion, the towering behemoth of a man is rounding his desk to stand in front of you, his concerned gaze never leaving your trembling form.

Despite the angry glare you shoot at him your tears never cease.

“What’s going on?” He asks sternly, his blue eyes filled with a flurry of numerous emotions. “What’s wrong?” He continues to press.

The cold front you try your best to maintain drops immediately, head hanging in defeat and burying deep in to the palms of your hands. You desperately try to wipe away the wetness on your cheeks, turning your body away in complete mortification.

One question was all it took. A simple inquiry on your wellbeing sent your defences crumbling to the ground.

Harrowing sobs and sloppy sniffles echo off the brick walls of the small, cluttered office. You whimper through your cries, teeth biting harshly in to your trembling lip in a desperate attempt to muffle any escaping sounds.

The display of vulnerability is humiliating.

“Hey… It’s okay.” He gently assures you, large palms rubbing against your shoulders in an attempt to calm you. He can sense your embarrassment and tries his best to put you at ease.

Any trace of his anger is immediately wiped from his demeanour, replaced with concern for the soldier stood before him.

“Just breathe for a moment”

He continues to stand beside you, his reassuring strokes along the tense muscles of your back slightly alleviating your distress.

“I want to know what I can do to help you.”

Price’s voice is gentle with a hint of unease.

“You can talk to me” he reminds earnestly. And what he says is true.

His priority as Captain has always been towards the wellbeing of his subordinates.

A deep sense of shame spreads through you at Price’s desperate attempts to try and break past the walls that had been so highly constructed around you.

You knew just how much your actions were hurting him.

You knew just how much your actions were hurting your comrades.

You knew just how much your actions were hurting yourself.

“I know!”

The sob that escapes is gut wrenching.

“I know I can talk to you- I know I should have, but I was scared- so embarrassed, so humiliated by what happened-" You're stumbling pathetically over your words as you try in desperate attempt to form the words that you want to say, but your mind is racing far too fast for you to keep up.

You sink to the floor on your hunches, your body curling in on itself- face still buried deeply in your hands.

"I'm so sorry!"

Price can't help but watch the scene unfold in bewilderment. In all the time you have worked together he had never seen such an intense display of emotions from you.

"I'm sorry I was so angry at everyone- so angry at you, my comrades, my family-" Each word is laced in despair at your confession.

It stabs deeply at Price when he realises just how much inner turmoil you have been struggling with.

The tall Captain crouches down on the ground beside you, lowering his level to meet your own.

A strong arm places itself around your small shoulders. It's clear with just how unsure his touch is that the situation is miles out of his comfort zone.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" He asks, his voice low. "I know you're embarrassed, but it's alright. Just take your time. Breathe."

He makes sure to assure you throughout your emotional distress, letting you curl up and continue to cry as you lean in to his words of support.

You slowly lower you shaking hands, peering up at Price who looks down at you with consideration.

Your eyes are red and puffy, cheeks flushed red and blotchy from your mourning.

"It was the mission in Russia" You begin to explain to Price, his gaze never leaving yours and his body turned to you in full attention.

Price's demeanour shifts as the memories of our recent mission flash through his mind. He was there leading charge and he recalls how brutal it was for all of his subordinates.

He nods his head in acknowledgement, listening thoughtfully to your words.

"Go on" He nods, urging you to continue.

You think back to the operation - recalling specifically the moment you had been separated from the group.

Price had chewed you out on the heli for going radio silent on the rest of the team while they furiously defended themselves against the never ending onslaught of enemies that never seemed to cease in their swarming.

No one knew what had happened when you were forced to go rogue, despite multiple attempts to draw the information out of you.

Eventually they had ruled it off, concluding that you were fine and simply agitated from stress - that it was what had resulted in so much tension between you and your comrades.

"I ran in to some trouble" you shakily exhale.

Price immediately recalls the incident, nodding again.

He is fully focused as he listens, silent as he prepares himself for what he's going to hear. Price can sense that this is a difficult topic based off your tone of voice alone.

An uneasy feeling settles in his stomach, realising that what you're going to say next is not going to be easy.

You didn't want him to know about the details of what went down and he gives you the space to open up on your own accord and choose for yourself what you're willing to reveal.

As quickly as your emotions had died down they start to build up again rapidly. The trembling in your body returning as you brace yourself for what you're finally about to reveal to your Captain.

"I tried to get away from them- I tried so hard" your voice quivers, barely above a whisper as your eyes clench shut. "There were so many of them, they wouldn't let go of me- they completely overpowered me."

He feels his heart drop.

Price's rhythmic strokes on your back freeze to a halt, the reality of your words sinking in.

He doesn't let you continue with the details. He doesn't want to force you in to that position of vulnerability.

The expression on his face immediately turns from sympathy to anger, his eyebrows curling down at the thought of what you had endured.

"I should have been able to fight back, or at least run away" You spit out angrily.

Your words snap Price back to reality, his train of thought abruptly coming to a halt at the realisation of your words.

"I'm a trained fucking soldier. It was pathetic" You sneer.

Your hard gaze is trained on the ground in front of you, tears still streaming down your face, leaving trails of silver streaks across your cheeks.

The expression on Price's face hardens as his large hand grips your shoulder tightly. He shakes his head sternly at you, speaking solemnly.

"You were attacked by a group of men. How the hell were you supposed to defend yourself while so heavily outnumbered?" He barks at you authoritatively.

Too many thoughts were swimming through Price's head for him to realise the harshness of his tone. He was horrified that this had happened under his command. Devastated that this had happened to one of his soldiers.

You lift your gaze to meet Price's once again.

"I've seen you do it. I've seen all of you do it" you hiss out in frustration.

So many times you've bared witness to your male comrades almost effortlessly fend themselves against multiple enemies with ease.

Deep down you knew it was a physical advantage. You were smaller, weaker in comparison to the rest of your team.

It made you feel repulsive.

"I'm a man," Price reminds you harshly, making you flinch. He doesn’t realise the impact of those three, simple words.

The anger in him is clear, but not towards you. He is furious that this had happened to you, and even more so that you were blaming yourself for something purely out of your control.

"Even the strongest of men would have struggled in your situation."

Your body is tense, jaw locking in anger as you coldly stare at Price's chest to avoid his gaze.

"I hate being a woman" you mutter. "I hate it. I wish I was stronger, that I was taller. I wish I could walk down the goddamn street by myself without being absolutely terrified of the men around me- I wish I was a fucking man!"

Your voice is desperate, growing louder as you gasp out each word of remorse for your gender.

His grip on your shoulder loosens, retreating back to his side as he takes in the desperation of your voice. He can see the struggle that lies behind your usually confident mask you wear so proudly every day.

It breaks his heart to see how much this affects you.

Price doesn't say anything, only listens as you release your frustrations without judgement. He doesn't want to interrupt you with words of comfort just yet. He can tell that this has been deeply concealed for far too long. His focus is completely on what you have to say, however harsh it may be.

"I never should have been born in this god forsaken body- I never should have been born a woman!" your hands tug at your hair furiously. "I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!"

Finally, after listening to your frantic outburst, Price steps in with a gentle voice. A combination of pity and sadness.

He hates seeing how much this attack has affected you, and is feeling a deep shame at his inability to protect you in your moment of need.

"Shh... you don't mean that" he coos softly, voice cracking slightly as he tries to control his own emotions.

"But I do!" You glare at the Captain that kneels before you. "Ever since I was a kid- I've despised myself for being a woman- for being born in this body" you fiercely seethe. "Why couldn't I have just been born a fucking man?" You slam your fist down in anger.

"No matter what I do. I can't love myself when I'm like this- when I'm a woman!" The word 'woman' spits venomously from your tongue, as if the very word itself felt like poison upon your lips.

Price feels a sting in his heart as your words hit him with such harshness and rage.

He had never imagined being so desperate for something, anything that would strip your confidence so brutally from your own body, that you'd learn to hate yourself so much that you wished you were something else. Price comes to the realisation that this stems much further than your assault.

He looks at the broken soldier in front of him. A soldier so ashamed and severred by a cruel hand that they were forced to live with.

A heavy silence hangs between them, all the while Price's eyes move analytically over your form.

"It's just something that I have to live with - something that I have to come to terms with."

You're nothing but defeated.

"I'll always be a woman, no matter what." you whisper dejectedly, staring blankly at the floor.

His eyes are locked on you and the pain across your face. He's torn between trying to ease your struggle, but not wanting to say anything until you are finished pouring out the pent up anger and hatred that you so desperately needed to.

When the room is silent, Price speaks up again, the words leaving his mouth almost instinctively.

"What if you didn't have to come to terms with being a woman?" Price inquires softly. "What if you accepted the fact that you're...." Price trails off, letting you take the initiative to finish his sentence. He doesn't want to step out of line with something so personal.

"That Im trans.." You quietly finish

He nods his head solemnly, taking a deep breath with you at the revelation.

The room is engulfed in silence once again. The admission alone is something you had buried away so deeply, something you never thought would ever leave the confines of your thoughts. Something that would never reach listening ears. It's almost surreal as you process your confession.

"You know that's not something you have to hide from us, right?" Price asks gently, shifting on his knees so that he was fully seated on the floor with you.

"Gaz, Ghost, Soap... We'll accept you for who you are and whatever you want to be. You don't need to live a lie" Price is tender with his approach.

He watches as you anxiously chew your lip, pulling your knees to your chest tightly.

Your eyes dart around the room, a small feeling of dread slowly creeping up your spine.

"I'll be the laughing stock of the base" you chuckle bitterly, though Price can tell that his suggestion to embrace your true self hasn't been fully shut down.

Like a terrified child, you curl in on yourself further, pressing in to a small, defensive ball.

"Do you really think we would let anyone treat you like that? If they so much as look at you funny, they will personally have to answer to me."

You smile gently at Price, feeling a sudden surge of affection for the man's protectiveness.

Price's shoulders relax slightly at the sight of your smile.

The two of you were a sight to behold, huddled on the floor of his office. It's almost comedic.

Feeling the stiffness in his body, Price slowly rises to his feet, a hand extended towards you to lift you off the floor with him.

You accept gratefully, standing shakily as your body groans in relief.

"Come on soldier," Price calls out to you, heading towards the door to his office.

"We have some arrangements to be made" He smiles at you warmly.

Your stomach flutters at your Captain's immediate acceptance. Just like that, no further discussion was needed

In this moment- you know that this is your chosen family.

This is the home that you deserve, and you were not going to let yourself feel like a stranger in it any longer.

You bite down your smile, nodding at Price as you follow after him and out of his office.

#cod #codmw #cod mw2 #cod mw3 #john price fanfiction #platonic john price #john price fluff #john price angst #price fluff #141 x reader #x reader platonic #x reader #price x reader #task force 141 #john price #captain john price #captain price #tf 141 #ghost cod #simon ghost riley #cod x reader #john soap mactavish #soap cod #kyle gaz garrick #gaz cod #platonic #fanfic #cod fanfic #call of duty #Spotify

[barbwritesstuff]

A copy/paste of a post I made on the CS forum in regards to Thicker Than:

-------------

I’m just popping back to post a quick update about my plan/process going forward.

My current plan is to continue drafting this story as it is. Once I have first draft, then I’ll go back and fix some of the issues that have been brought up here.

Top of the list:

*Fix confusing navigation in chapters 3-4.

*Add more opportunities to interact with allies in non romantic contexts. (Perhaps in groups so people don’t worry about losing romance routes but can still spend time and get to know various characters).

*Add more choice and variation to the trial scene (plus a potential aquital for vampires loyal to the Night Court).

I hope that’s okay. I think it’ll be easier to edit once I have the whole thing more or less together. That way I’m not going back and forth quite as much and it’ll be easier to know exactly where any jumps/skips need to go.

The latter half of Chapter Ten is very romance focused. Chapter Eleven is going to be very big and busy (depending on the playthrough) and I may end up splitting it into two, but I’m not sure yet. The game is already starting to fork towards the various endings (of which there will be five with variations in each). Some will be more involved than others, but I want to try and make them all rewarding in their own way.

I know it feels like choices that were made in part two are a little redundant, but I’m hoping later chapters might change some minds.

The tribute choice is still one of the biggest in the game (and whether or not it was actually paid) and the outcomes and consequences of that will start to come out more soon.

Not all consequences will be good. Again, I hope that’s okay.

I’m also hoping it’s not too frustrating waiting a little longer for the above mentioned fixes.

Thank you everyone for your honest feedback. This game is much more complicated than my last and it’s been a steep learning curve all the way (I’m never doing timeskips ever again 😅). But, with your help, I’m hoping the final product will be a really fun. 💙

[hearts-hunger]

Read on AO3 | Masterlist | Taglist Form

Summary: For Josh, home is where you are. | Standalone in the Cabin Fever universe

Pairings: Josh x Wife! Reader (Josh POV) | Genres: domestic fluff, angst, hurt/comfort | Word Count: 3k | Warnings: a little mention of spice

A/N: I loved Josh's most recent insta caption about the stage being his ethereal living room he gets to share with us, but I also love hurt/comfort, so I made it angsty and fluffy for Josh and Baby. I hope you like it! ♡

“The stage is your ‘ethereal living room’?”

Josh looked up from the charcuterie board he was meticulously arranging to see you on your phone, presumably scrolling through the concert pictures he’d posted half an hour ago. He smiled.

“Yeah, you know.” He tapped a row of crackers into line until they were perfect. “The shows are a place where people come together to enjoy each other’s company. Somewhere that feels like home.”

You didn’t say anything. He glanced up at you again.

“Ethereal means — ”

“I know what ethereal means, Josh.” Your face went pink. “It’s just not usually a word you use to describe a living room.”

He was a little surprised at your tone; it bordered on sounding upset, but maybe that was just because he’d embarrassed you, though he certainly hadn’t meant to.

“I was just trying to help, baby,” he said gently. He tried for some humor. “And you’re right, it’s not usually a word you’d use to describe a living room. Definitely not our living room in the state it’s been in lately.”

That had the opposite of the intended effect, and he wished he could take it back when your face fell. “You don’t think it’s ready for tonight?”

“No, no,” he said quickly. “It’s ready now. Everything looks great. I just meant that we haven’t been as good about tidying every night, so it’s been a wreck recently.”

“Right,” you said, but it was doubtful and tense. “Well, I tried to get most of it done while you were at work — ”

“I know, baby.” He felt that he’d botched this conversation pretty badly, but you also seemed much more sensitive than you usually were. “It was a huge help, and I’m grateful that you did most of the cleaning when we made the mess together.”

“I didn’t make it quite as ethereal as a concert, though,” you said, and your laugh was a little strained.

He wondered at your fixation on the wording of his caption, but maybe you were trying to make it into a running joke.

“The Kiszkas wouldn’t know what to do with a living room too perfect for this world,” he teased. He set the board on the other side of the island and went hunting for the wine glasses. “Could you grab me the corkscrew, honey?”

You did as he said, but there was a pensiveness to your body language that made him worry. You’d been in a great mood all day, his happy bubbly girl, spending the day shopping and tidying and preparing for the dinner party you were hosting. Jake, Sparrow, Sam, and Danny were due to arrive any time now, and Josh had thoroughly enjoyed spending time with you after work getting your home ready for your family. He didn’t know what had brought on this sudden change in mood, and he racked his brain for what could have caused it and what he could do to fix it.

“Dessert smells really good,” he said sincerely. “Did you end up putting the strawberries in there too?”

You handed him the corkscrew and stood uneasily as he opened the Riesling, toying with the sleeve of your pretty dress.

“No,” you said quietly. “It’s just regular blackberry cobbler. I didn’t think you’d mind.”

A frown tugged at his features. “I don’t,” he said. He popped the cork out.  “Of course I don’t mind. That sounds great, honey.”

“It’s not very exciting,” you said apologetically.

He didn’t know where this was going. Surely you weren’t upset about the dessert you’d made, but for the life of him he couldn’t figure out what you really were upset about. He decided to stick with his usual strategy, which was mostly just continuing to be sweet to you. 

“I don’t need exciting, baby,” he said, kissing your cheek. “It’ll be perfect. I can’t wait to try it.”

Working together, but without your usual quips and jokes back and forth, you and Josh put the finishing touches on dinner before the doorbell rang. Josh put his dishtowel over his shoulder and went to welcome your guests in, and he was happy that you joined him.

“You look beautiful, baby,” he said. “I love that dress on you.”

You touched a hand to the neckline of your summery black dress patterned with little red cherries. “Oh, well, it’s only a sundress. But... thank you.” The usual enthusiastic enjoyment of his compliments he loved hearing was nowhere in your voice. He wished he could wait to open the door and ask what was bothering you, but the doorbell was now accompanied by rhythmic knocking the type of which only a drummer could deliver. 

“I’m telling you,” Josh said, trying one last-ditch attempt to coax a smile out of you. “This ethereal living room business — it’s better if it’s just our plain old living room with these hooligans.”

The smile you gave him was clearly only for his sake, not even reaching your eyes. Discouraged and unable to stall any longer, he turned the door handle. 

“I didn’t mean to push this on you,” you blurted. Your expression was anxious and regretful. “I’m sorry, Josh.”

By the time he’d processed what you’d said, the door was already open, and your family was coming inside full of laughter and bearing gifts of wine and appetizers and card games to play. He wanted to jump right into the festive atmosphere his brothers and sister-in-law brought with them, but he was completely preoccupied by your blurted-out apology for... what? What could you have to be sorry for? He looked across the foyer and felt his heart twist when he saw your strained smile as you welcomed your family inside.

“Alright, Kiszkas,” he said with more levity than he felt. He ushered everyone into the living room, pointing out the drinks and snacks on the kitchen island. “Eat, drink, and be merry. Dinner’s almost ready.” 

He asked Danny to watch the sauce simmering on the back of the stove, wanting to try and get a moment with you before dinner. He left Sparrow and his brothers chatting and snacking in the kitchen and found you in the dining room, double-checking the place settings you’d already made perfect an hour before.

“Baby,” he said gently. “What did you mean, you’re sorry for ‘pushing this on me’? Did you mean dinner?”

You bit the inside of your cheek. “I should have asked you before I planned it.”

He leaned against the doorframe. “You did ask me. Didn’t you?”

“I don’t think so,” you said sheepishly. “I think I just told you I was doing it, and you went along with it.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t mind,” he said sincerely. “I’m glad you planned it.” He debated giving you space or pressing a little deeper, and he risked the latter. He came around the table to the side where you stood.

“I’m glad we’re all spending time together,” he said. He took your hands in his. “I’d like to enjoy it with you, too, but I wouldn't be happy if you were unhappy.”

“I’m not unhappy,” you lied.

“Baby,” he chided tenderly. “You’ve been out of sorts for a little bit now, and I want to help you get back into sorts. I just don’t know how.”

You looked up at him. “Are you sure you’re happy with... all this?”

He raised a brow. “Dinner? Or, like, the universe as a whole?”

You sighed. “No, I mean... do you like being home? Maybe it’s a little lackluster after touring.”

“That could not be farther from the truth,” he said, without a moment’s hesitation. Was that all that was bothering you? 

“Silly girl,” he said with a smile. “Of course I like being home. I love being home.”

“But it’s... it’s just... me,” you said lamely. “Just our house.”

“I’m still not seeing a problem,” he said, affectionately teasing. “I love you, and I love our house, especially when it has all the people we love in it drinking all our wine.”

You didn’t say anything for a moment. Then — “Are you sure?”

For a moment, he couldn’t think of anything to say. He felt a surprisingly sharp flash of hurt at your doubt. He tamped it down to focus on you, his sweet wife, who apparently felt that his homecoming had been spent wishing he was back out on the road.

“Yes, I’m sure,” he finally said. He cupped your face in his hands, reading something sad and needful in your expression but unable to figure out how to fix it. “I love being home with you, baby. I miss you so much when I’m away. You don’t know that?”

He saw your eyes sparkle with tears and wished desperately he could understand how it had gotten this bad, wished he could figure out how to fix it.

“Hey,” he said softly. He kissed you. “I love you. I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

“But it’s not — ”

“It’s perfect,” he said, gently cutting across your protest. “And though I love the way you open our home to our family, even just being with you, eating takeout in our pajamas, would have been perfect too.”

You gave him a watery smile at that, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

“There’s that smile,” he said tenderly. He brushed the tears from your face. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like you weren’t enough, baby. You're everything to me. You’re my heart. You know that, don’t you?”

You nodded and kissed him, and he was so happy to have helped even a little. He’d probably ask about it again, try to understand what had made you think such a thing so that you'd never have to think it again. For now, though, your family was waiting, and you seemed eager now to get back to them.

“Don't tell them I was crying,” you said, running your hands over your cheeks, trying to hide the telltale signs. “Tell them we were having a quickie or something.”

He chuckled. “I'm not sure I’m skilled enough for that to be believable, baby. Less than five minutes is a lot to ask.” He kissed your cheek. “And I won’t tell them you were crying. That’s between you and me.” To his way of thinking, a husband's job was to protect his wife at her most vulnerable, not to expose her. These moments between you, the words and soft touches and intimacy you shared — those were just for the two of you, and Josh treasured the privilege of being the one you shared yourself with when you needed a little extra love.

You took his hand, and when he was sure you were ready, he led you back out to where your family waited. 

He saw you return to your usual self as the night went on, and he loved to hear your laugh and watch your smile light up your face as you spent time with your family. Sam, Danny, Jake, and Sparrow — they never failed to bring warmth and light with them wherever they went, and Josh knew that there was no better medicine than their terrible jokes and affectionate bickering and safe, easy love. You were always beautiful, but joy made you ravishing; you shone as brightly as the sun when you were happy, and he felt a weight come off his shoulders as you came back to yourself.

After dinner, you found a spot on the couch; as Josh went to fix glasses of wine for both of you, he watched the drama unfolding in the living room. Catty corner to you, Sam and Jake were playing guitar, Sam casually and Jake with characteristic seriousness; Sparrow sat perched on the arm of Sam’s chair, and Danny sat on the floor.

“Watch him,” Danny said, slipping a hair tie from his wrist and aiming it like a slingshot at Jake. “I bet he won’t stop playing.”

“No, Danny!” Sparrow giggled around the straw stuck in her wine glass. “That would be so mean to my poor Jakey.”

“He wont’ even notice,” Danny said, unable to hide an impish smile. “Watch.”

He shot the hair tie at Jake, and it popped him on the forehead before tumbling down the guitar and landing on the floor. Jake didn’t miss a beat.

Danny and Sparrow dissolved in uproarious laughter, and Jake merely rolled his eyes with a telltale smile.

“You’re all idiots,” he said.

“Not me!” Sam protested. He watched Jake’s fingers, invested in learning the tune now. “I’m trying to play with you, but geez, can you dial it down from rock god so I can figure it out?”

Jake slowed his playing, talking Sam through the notes, and good-naturedly accepted a kiss on his forehead from Sparrow. Danny tried to find the hair tie again and hit Sam with it when he did, earning himself a nudge with Sam’s foot that made Danny laugh and lean his head against Sam’s knee in apology.

Josh brought your drinks over to the couch and handed yours to you. “For you, baby.”

You accepted it gratefully and patted the spot next to you. “Thanks, honey. Come sit with me.”

He did, draping one arm over the back of the couch behind you, pleased when you scooched closer to him. He gave you a sweet, chaste kiss.

“Feeling better, baby?” he asked gently.

You couldn’t help a dull blush, but you gave him a bashful smile. “Yes. I’m sorry I was so... tearful earlier.”

“That’s alright, honey. Would you mind telling me what it was that got you so upset?”

You ran the pad of your thumb over the bottom of your wineglass. He was patient as he waited for you to gather your thoughts.

“It’s silly,” you said finally. “You’ll either laugh or be annoyed that I made such a big deal about it.”

He considered that. You usually took things in your stride, and neither of you made a habit of being offended or upset over trivial, accidental things. Whatever it was, it had hurt you, and he would validate that feeling no matter what it turned out to be.

“I promise I won’t laugh,” he said. “And I don't think I’ll be annoyed.” He really just wanted to know what it was, and he told you so.

Your nervous, wandering fingers found his, and he was content to let you play with his wedding ring. You brushed your thumb over the shiny gold surface.

“It was your caption,” you said. “You know, for those pictures you posted.”

He was bemused for a moment. “Oh. Really?”

“Yeah,” you admitted quietly. “There’s no greater feeling in the world than returning to the stage. It is my ethereal living room. A place where things feel lighter than air. I love you.”

If anyone had asked him to recite from memory the caption he’d written himself, he couldn't have done it. The fact that you knew it word for word told him you must have been saying it over and over again in your head since you’d read it.

He thought of the wording in light of your feelings and saw how it could have hurt you. It had been their first show back after a long break spent at home, and while you were in your plain old living room at home and missing him, he’d apparently been away in a much better living room doing much more exciting and wonderful things without you. Of course he hadn’t really been comparing a concert to the home he shared with you — it was only an Instagram caption, after all, and not a serious commentary on his life. But even though he felt it was reasonable for you to have known that, he also knew that sometimes the heart wasn’t reasonable.

He twined his fingers with yours. “Sweet baby,” he said. “I’m sorry it hurt you. It wasn’t my intention at all. I don’t know if it helps, but I wasn’t thinking about our real life living room when I wrote that. I just thought it sounded clever.”

“I know,” you said. You gave him a wobbly smile. “It was clever. It’s sweet. And the fans deserve a little love note from you. I just...”

“You just missed me,” he said, brushing his knuckles over your cheek. “I know, baby. I missed you too.”

“I’m sorry,” you said. “I’m sorry I made such a big deal out of it. I could have just been honest that I was upset. But really, I should have just taken it like you meant it and not started catastrophizing, thinking you weren’t happy at home.”

“Well, sometimes our imaginations run away with us,” he said, patient and kind. “For the record, I am happy at home with you, baby. You in your old sundress making regular blackberry cobbler is the kind of thing I dream about when I'm away from you. And if I could only have one, I’d pick our less-than-ethereal living room and be glad to share it with you for as long as I lived.”

You touched his cheek. “Why are you so sweet to me?”

“Because I love you very much,” he said simply. He kissed you. “Tell me you know that.”

“I know that,” you said softly, tenderly. “Of course I know that. I love you very much too.”

He kissed you again, taking his time, drawing you closer to him. You tasted like sweet wine and sounded so pretty when your breath caught, your fingers brushing through his curls, your heartbeat light and fast under his hands, almost ethereal.

From the other side of the living room, there was a vague commotion and contagious laughter from Sparrow and his brothers. 

“Should we check on them?” you asked, your voice muffled and smiley as you kissed him.

He chuckled. “They’re fine. Hush and let me kiss you.”

You did, and when you threw your arms around his neck to pull him even closer, he decided you weren’t ethereal after all. The two of you together, surrounded by the ones you loved, laughter and joy and music filling your home — it was something better than ethereal, something earthy and imperfect and steady. For all he loved his work, this right here was exactly what he wanted.

“I love you, Mrs. Kiszka,” he said gently.

You smiled and set everything right in his world. “I love you too, Joshy.”

@wideminded-dreamer and @spark-my-nature were particularly excited for this one so hey here you go <3

#i'm gonna do a taglist rb later hopefully with the new list from my new form! yay #also i hope this is not a case of a fic where the header is better than the story dkhjbfhb it's just a short sweet little fic :') #i do like this header tho :) #josh kiszka fluff #josh kiszka x reader #josh x baby #cabin fever fics #greta van fleet fanfiction #gvf fanfiction #maddie writes stuff!

[desswright29]

The Wolf..

A/N: Just clearing out the drafts at this point. This has been in my drafts for a min so I decided I’d just post. Also..I ate this banner the fuck up!! Lmao Pairing: Shuri/reader

“What’s wrong with me?”

Shuri lay curled underneath her comforter. Tears welling from deep inside coursing down her cheeks. Your breathing intertwined with hers as you lie beside her on top of her comforter. You ran your fingers through her soft curls eyes landing on a lone tear that sat right above her pretty pert upper lip.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing Shuri. You’re devine perfection.

“Don’t do that to yourself. This has everything to do with her and her own insecurities. You didn’t do anything.” You spoke softly hoping to get through to her. Yet another break up rocking her to her core. 

“I just want to be loved y/n. Why can’t I just be loved. Everyone always leaves me.” Your eyes welled along with hers. You hated this. Seeing her distraught over yet another relationship. Another little girl who couldn’t handle the pressures of being with the Queen. Sure, it sounded good. It sounded like an honor. Being whisked around the world. No shortage of income. Not to mention the Queen being a scathing bombshell. The honor to wake up to her. To have her between your legs worshipping you. Your name at the tip of her tongue. Hm.

But, the overwhelming responsibility. Always came crashing down around the naive little girls everytime Shuri got too close. Too involved. Too in love. Leaving Shuri yet again starved of her one true desire to be loved. 

“You are loved Shuri. You’ll forever be loved by me. We’re Timon and Pumbaa.” The childhood  names brought a glorious chuckle from Shuri’s mouth making your heart beam with pride. You loved to make her smile. Her eyes glistened as she stared into your irises finding comfort.

“You’re always here for me.” Her hand came forward settling onto your cheek. Her eyes became distant as she went deep into thought while her thumb absentmindedly kneads your cheek. “Maybe it’s you.” She squinted, focus reclaiming her eyes. “Maybe, it’s always been you.” You immediately rebutt.

“No Shuri. What we have means too much to the both of us. We can’t ruin it.”

“But would we. We’ve known eachother for years. Neither of us could even fathom hurting the other. Maybe we’d be perfect.” A light smile spreads across her face, and your heart aches. You brought up your hand to cuff her wrist, closing your eyes trying to pretend that you didn’t think about the way her lips would feel against yours. That everytime you hugged her you didn’t linger just to feel what it would be like to have her body pressed against yours. That her scent didn’t follow you. Lingering in your covers after she’d been in your home. You loved Shuri deep within every nodule of your heart. You couldn’t pretend any longer. You open your eyes to Shuri’s intense gaze.

“Maybe we are.” With that you felt yourself moving forward. Finally. Years of waiting and finally you were going to taste her lips upon yours. You could her breathing against your lips closing in, when a commotion at the door ensued.

Damnit.

*Bang BANG Bang*

“Shuri!! Shuri! Open up baby let me talk to you please!” Shuri sat up quickly eyes widening as she stared at the door. Eyes flashing from you to the door. 

“Ri?” She whispered. Your heart was racing in your chest from what almost transpired. But of course Shuri’s most recent ex had come just in time to reclaim her territory. 

“Shuri baby! I know you’re here just let me explain!” You sigh.

“I could get that for you if your not up for it.” You say gently. Shuri continues to stare ahead, listening to Riri plead for her forgiveness. She sounded truly sorry. Almost pitiful. 

“I know it seems like I lied. Pretending to be someone I’m not but I can explain if you’ll just open the door! Open the FUCKING DOOR SHURI!” Shuri’s head shook side to side almost as though she had only been thinking of doing it, but her mind took it upon itself to react. 

“I-I can’t. Tell her to go away.” You nod, as Shuri lowers herself back down onto her pillow once again in fetal position. You run your fingers through her hair once again and place a gentle kiss to her forhead before hopping off the bed and heading towards the door. 

“SHURI! Please! SHU-“ Riri was cut off by the door swinging open. 

“Quiet down! Have you not.. done. enough. little girl.” A sneer came over your face as your eyes darkened staring down at the petite woman. Riri’s nostrils flared as she looked up at you.

“Yoooou BITCH!” She charges at you. “Shuri don’t listen to Shit she says. She’s a manipulative bit-“ You push her back into the hallway slamming Shuri’s door behind you. You immediately slam Riri into the wall pressing your forearm against her throat, and placing your hand over her mouth. 

“Now why would you come here telling lies. Stirring up shit. Hm?” You huff a laugh through your nose. Riri’s eyes welled with tears. 

“I always knew you of all of her little flings would end up being my biggest problem. Quite literally the bane of my exsistence.” Riri’s teeth sunk into your palm. Not letting go until you were forced to let go grunting out your pain. You were immediately left with bloody saliva dripping into your eye, Riri hawking her disdain for you into her face. 

“You’re a liar an evil fucking bitch.”

“Oooorrr, I know what’s best for Shuri and I’ll do anything to make sure she gets it.” Riri scoffs.

“And is that supposed to be you! You’re fucking looney tunes! I know what you did to the others. I have proof. And I won’t be so easy to get rid of!” A genuinely amused smile spreads across your face. 

“Wanna bet.” Your hand clasped around her neck. Her fingernails scratched at your hands as she clawed at them trying to release your grip. This was always your favorite part. Watching the life leave their eyes. Knowing you were the one to take it. 

“Shuriii!! Shurii Shuri” It was a raspy attempt at a scream as you crushed her vocal chords.

You cock your head to the side. “Awww. How unfortunate that she can’t hear you. Ah well, I would’ve just informed her that In your rage. You attacked me and I couldn’t control my emotions. But my God! I wouldn’t have dared to kill her.” You laugh softly. “Uh oh?” You say looking into Riri’s lifeless eyes. “Riri? Hellooo. Riri you there?” You chuckle at your own joke.

“Guess not.” You let go allowing her limp body to fall to the ground. You press a button on your Kimoyo beads. 

“Izogie. I’ve got another disposable here infront of the queens room.” 

“Yes Empress.” Came an immediate reply. You had known Shuri all of your life. Your parents rulers of a kingdom adjacent to a Wakanda. The moment you laid eyes on her you knew she would be yours. However you were too far, and there were always the others. You despised them. You vowed that Shuri would never know love unless it was with you. You eliminated them all one by one, and now it was time to reap the benefits of all your hard work. You straightened yourself walking back into the room. 

“Bast! I don’t know how you dealt with her so long! She’s atrocious! Do you know she spit on me!?”

“What!” Shuri said, at some point she’d sat up while you were outside handling Riri, she was pressed against the headboard.

“Yes. But, I calmed her and sent her on her way. You won’t have to worry about her for awhile.” Shuri looked down, sadness taking over her eyes. You sit beside her on the bed holding her face.

“Hey, it’s going to be ok. I’m right here with you.” 

Shuri’s hand settled on top of yours. “Don’t leave.” She whispered. “Please don’t leave me tonight.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” It happened so quickly. Shuri’s lips crashed against yours. You were shocked at first but it didn’t take you long to take hold of her lips. Holding her in an intense kiss. She lay you onto your back kissing you as your hands roam her body. 

“Y/n. Touch me. Please.” Your eyes widen with shock.

“A-are you sure?” Her bottom lip curls into her mouth and she nods. You reattach your lips with hers. Your hand eagerly making its way down her body as she straddled you. Your hand found the entrance to her sweats slowly inching its way towards her holy place. 

Finally, you’re graced with the feel of her most devine part. You groan at the feel of her, as you caress her bud. Shuri throws her head back in ecstasy.

“Ooohh Bast!” Your heart pounds against your sternum at the sound. A sinister smile spread across your face.

“That’s it baby girl pray for me.”

#shuri fanfiction #shuri udaku #spotify #letitia wright #letitiawright #shuri x reader #shuri x you #shuri fic #shuri angst #shuri imagine #shuri smut #Spotify

[hallowclave]

What a whimsical looking young man I wonder if he has received any job offers recently

Original photo

#my art #project sekai #rui kamishiro #if u saw this get posted before: no u didn’t #forgot to schedule the post for the morning incident 60 dead 600 injured. #i feel obligated 2 say I actually post abt pjsk on my main (apotelesmaa) frequently (I have brain worms) #& I only post on this blog once in a blue moon and it’s usually not serious art atp #so do not expect anything. #curtain call. what an event. love rui he’s such a good character. I hope he explodes. #he is so full of love and so bad at recognizing his emotions and problems. #‘I don’t have any emotional hang ups about anything’ says the guy who has so many emotional hang ups #rationalizing pulling back as safety measures instead of fearing abandonment/concern of hurting tsukasa (or others) again -> #rationalizing accepting asahi’s job offer because it’s the best for his future even if it’s not the best for himself #also tbh I think to some degree u could argue accepting the job offer was his way of getting ahead of being abandoned #not that it would happen and not that he’d recognize that to begin with #negative self awareness king! he is not processing his emotions at all! #would love for him to mention the job offer in a future event. even just offhandedly. shaking him by the shoulders. talk to ur friends moron #me when I’m in a not recognizing what I’m feeling and how it effects me competition and my opponent is rui kamishiro from hit game pjsk #etc etc. anyways. #once again falling into the ‘sure whatever this can go on the art blog’ category #in that I used simultaneously too much effort and very little in creating it #once again: [hope you’re hungry. for NOTHING] dot jpeg. as is typical here at hallowclave dot tumblr dot com.

[buddiesmutslut]

I would pay an honestly absurd amount of money to see one of Eddie’s friends that Chris knows & likes (whether that’s Tommy since everybody wants him to be an MC, or a good friend from the army or Texas) come over & hang around them, and for Chris to be excited & greet them like, “Uncle Tommy!” (Or whether their name is.)

Especially if Buck is there & gets worried like, “he’s never called me Uncle, am I not as important to this kid as I thought I was?”

Force them both to really look at the role Buck plays in Christopher’s life vs how the rest of their friends act/treat Chris, bc even if Buddie doesn’t get together, I’d love to see it acknowledged canonically just how fatherly Buck acts with Chris.

(Obviously in my dream world & in the fic I’ll probably write, this will be what kickstarts Buck & Eddie figuring their shit out and getting together but that’s just me)

#evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #Christoper Diaz has two dads #911 abc #I stg I’m never going to get through all of the fic ideas that I have bc they just keep popping up #can you imagine that discussion between Buck & Chris though #like no Buck you’re not my uncle? you’re a bonus dad #I’ve seen a post about BuckTommy & Chris collecting dads like Pokémon cards #but we don’t even have it canon that Chris sees Buck as an extra dad I think hoping for TWO confirmations is a bit much #also I’m not tagging this BuckTommy bc I don’t want anyone to yell at me for casting him as an uncle instead of a dad #or for mentioning Buddie bc Tumblr feels insane these days #also it doesn’t have to be Tommy he’s just who I thought of since he’s the only friend we really see Eddie have outside the 118 #& we also know that Chris likes him and thinks he’s cool #buddie #oliver stark #ryan guzman

[bisexualseraphim]

Alright fine I’m gonna speak my mind.

My cis followers, listen up:

Being attracted to trans people is not inherently a fetish. The way you speak about trans people CAN be fetishistic, but 99% of the time when I see cis people calling out trans fetishism it’s literally just. Someone being really horny for a trans person. That’s not inherently fetishistic.

Sorry but it actually hurts me a little when I see cis people claim that a content creator is being fetishistic for drawing a trans guy with tits and a pussy, or for writing smut where a trans guy really enjoys using his pussy for sex, or God forbid said trans guy is fem. Trans people like that exist, you know. I myself have a pussy and fuck yes do I want people I’m in a relationship with to be attracted to it. And the same goes for many transfemmes who keep their natal parts, especially butch transfemmes.

Trans people are not a monolith. We don’t all hate our bodies or experience dysphoria or express our genders the same way. I swear to God cis people are all “allies” until a trans man is fem or a trans woman is butch or an enby isn’t androgynous or we actually enjoy our bodies or we have a kink or sexual fetish you don’t like.

Cis people: I know your hearts are in the right place and I appreciate that, but spouting “oh this content is fetishistic and Bad because trans men NEVER like their vaginas and are NEVER feminine” (or something equal to other trans people) is seriously not the allyship you think it is.

There is absolutely a conversation to be had about fetishising trans people — chasers in particular — but it’s quite a bit less black and white than hating certain FICTIONAL portrayals of trans people because these types of trans people exist in real life and we can see what you say about us.

I love my dick and my pussy (because I have both — are you aware we can have both?) but I saw a post today by someone I really like that actually made me feel kind of shit about myself because it was a cis person essentially saying that smut that describes my genitals in any particularly horny light is fetishistic and that really kind of hurt me. It made me feel like people think I’m undesirable due to my body only it was said in some backwards attempt to be an ally which is almost worse than deliberate transphobia lol.

I guess my point is: not all trans people’s feelings and experiences are universal. Call out obvious transphobia when you see it, yes, but please stop speaking for us about complex situations you just can’t fully understand unless you’re trans. Trans identities and experiences can be so much more complicated than what mainstream celebrities and articles will tell you and I just really need cis people to stop behaving as though the issues we face are a quick and easy fix. It never is. Sometimes the best allyship is to listen to how WE feel and take it into consideration instead of saying whatever you think we want you to say — because a lot of the time, we don’t.

#Sorry for popping off but that really upset me and I had to say something #I don’t usually speak up about things like this because so many cis people just can’t take a criticism to save their lives #Also I know some trans people WOULD find the things I mentioned fetishistic but that’s part of my point #Is that we all experience and feel different things and don’t all have the same beliefs #And implying it’s inherently fetishistic to be attracted to us harms way more trans people than not #Also transmeds and truscum please stay away from me you’re part of the problem 💜 #Hope at least one cis person sees this and does some reflection #long post #text post #trans #transgender #transphobia #trans nsft #trans ally #trans discourse #trans men are men #trans women are women #enby #nonbinary #intersex #gender essentialism #bioessentialism #gender roles #gnc #gender nonconforming #rant #vent #nsft

[welcum-to-sp]

i think one of the main reasons why i love sp fandom so much is that unique creative freedom i couldn’t find anywhere else. let me explain. sure, we have 25 seasons of information about these cardboard kids, but at the same time we don’t have much. for example, all we know about the appearances of these characters is their hair color. wanna draw stan as a tall blue-eyed macho? canon, why not. wanna draw him as a short chubby guy? yeah, canon too idc. same goes for ficwriters. most people write about grownup versions, so you can ignore like 90% of stuff from the source material. it’s up to you to make your own interpretations and conclusions. are you saying that kyle is gonna be a nerd in high school? sure, i can see it ig. or is he going to join the football team? yeah, i can see it too. don’t get me wrong, i love arguing on this site about these characters. it’s fun! but in the end there is no “correct” interpretation or characterization and this is what i like about sp fandom so much.

#ig this is also a reason why i don’t like some overused tropes and hcs here #like the source material gives you such a great soil so you could grow something on your own #but yeah whatever #also i hope that i don’t have to mention this but this post is not about proshipping or apologists gosh #it’s a thought that has been in my head for a while and tbh i still don’t think that i expressed it correctly #south park #if you wanna argue and you are going to say something about postcovid im not going to reply btw #postcovid was a fever dream

[burning--heart]

The Grinning Man is Not a Horror Show

this post brought to you by: my own personal experience trying to show this musical to people (which i have already talked about briefly) and also this post by castledock:

the mainstream media’s perception of LHQR is almost always “well I haven’t watched or read it but this guy looks scary so it must be a very disturbing and scary book/movie” and every time I go outside of my little circle of LHQR Appreciators it’s like being slapped in the face by Ableism

i’m spinning this off into my own post because the essay got Long and also it’s definitely about tgm and not lhqr. strap in y’all.

like, ok. you see the pictures online. the protagonist has a bloody bandage on his face, the lighting is moody, and the puppets are creepy i guess (but they are so charming once you see them in motion)…

i’ll be focusing on flesh-and-blood adult grinpayne and his face. does it cause him a lot of grief? yes. is it central to the show? absolutely. but are you meant to be scared or disturbed by it? no. if you were, then yeah. this would be a horror show, and a bitingly ableist one at that. but it’s not.

there is one single moment where we are made to see grinpayne’s face as horrifying, and even then it's... well. it’s not about his smile being grotesque. not really.

it happens when his frustration at being kept as a spectacle because of his face reaches a tipping point. he bites back. "i'm the stuff of your nightmares," he says, "i am the freak show! watch me smile!" it's not an empowering moment. he is gutting himself for his audience.

He removes his bandages and reveals his jaw - a huge nightmarish bloody grin. Horribly unhealed. Red. Raw. Glistening. It's there, and then it's gone. “Laughter" riff crashes in and the world tilts.

Above is the stage direction from the script. Note that the “Laughter” motif is identified by name.

We can see how this was executed onstage in Bristol: The reveal is accompanied by sickly green strobe light, Louis Maskell as Grinpayne snaps his head to the side, there's a brief blackout, we are jumpscared by a giant grinpayne puppet head in the same green strobe, blackout again, then it’s on to the characters' reactions.

It sounds horror on paper. it looks very horror in Bristol. and yet the characters react as though they've just seen heaven. what's up with that?

here lies one of the biggest challenges the grinning man has: its empathetic theme gets easily muddied by the reactions the other characters have to grinpayne. generally, when experiencing a story, we look to the characters within it for cues on how we should feel about its topics, and they guide us through it. this is especially true of media aimed at children. the grinning man is... not like that. the royals and the people of the fair see his face and they are instantly enlightened! with sudden clarity, you're him, and he is you!

the audience doesn’t get it. 

but i don't think we're supposed to.

Song lyrics like ‘you realise that you are him and he is you’ explain to us Grinpayne’s effect on his audiences, but we are never shown that experience nor are we invited to feel that experience ourselves. (Brendan Macdonald, Exeunt)

this reviewer was close, very close, but has jumped to conclusions and ended up shutting the door on the idea that makes the musical make sense. its true that we are told how the other characters see grinpayne, and we don't get to experience that for ourselves. but the thing is, while we are told one thing, we are actually being shown something entirely different.

characters in his audience look at grinpayne and we are told they have an earth-shattering revelation. we hear them explain it multiple times. despite this, their reaction is not what we feel. this is the part that's unintuitive.

here’s where we circle back to the face reveal. the dramatic imagery clashes with what the fictional audience is seeing and feeling. this is because we, the non-fictional audience, are not supposed to be putting ourselves in their shoes at all. the character we’re anchored to is grinpayne. and to him, this is not a triumph of self-discovery. the horror isn’t in his appearance, it’s in how people treat him because of it.

and when it comes to the characters’ revelations, it’s not really about grinpayne anyway. it’s about themselves and what they project onto him, whatever that is. grinpayne is a symbol to almost everyone, whether they see him as a gruesome face, a lord, or a god. they don't understand him when they look at his face.

the audience of the grinning man, unlike the characters within it, are provided the opportunity to connect with grinpayne on a deeper level. we get to dive into his head like nobody else. this is why “Labyrinth” is a big deal (this is also why them changing over half the lyrics to this song at the transfer is a big deal). this is why dea’s love for him is a big deal: she sees him for who he is, and has from the start.

we also get to see the “real” grinpayne (and even love him for who he is), but unlike the characters’ sudden (and shallow) enlightenment, our understanding of grinpayne is gradual, but truer because of it. it builds slowly and perhaps unnoticed throughout the show until you’re fully immersed; it’s something that you feel, not think. though, if i had to pick a moment, personally, it would be “when they are gazing at my grin / what is it that they see within?” from “Labyrinth” because that line knocks me on my ass to this day.

and. surprise! this deeper understanding is also why i think this show is a musical and not a straight play. nothing has the emotional capacity that music does. we aren’t just told the way grinpayne feels; his songs allow us to feel with him in a way that spoken word never could. that’s how we connect.

at the end of the day, this guy still has a bloody face. and some people are going to see this and assume that tgm is horror. but hopefully if they watched it they’d change their minds, because the grinning man shows us the most (and only truly) disturbing thing about grinpayne’s injury is the cruelty and misunderstanding he faces at the hands of a miserable world where “laughter is the best medicine.” and “I Am the Freak Show” may contain the moment with the strongest “horror” visuals in the show, at least in the original production, but it’s actually a crucial example of why tgm itself is not a horror show itself.

#the grinning man #grinpayne #burning thoughts #this is over 1k words btw #thanks for reading if you made it this far #also i specify bristol in this post not to differentiate it from london but to differentiate it from the script #aka everything brought onstage that is not present in the text. this is not a version differences post #also i didn’t want to mention it in the post since i don’t feel like digging for the source and it’s not super relevant to my point #but louis maskell Has said that “i am the freak show” is the most difficult and emotionally taxing part of the show for him to perform. #and no fucking wonder honestly. have you seen this guy’s energy during this number? it’s unbelievable. #peace and love. hope i made sense. goodnight <3

[cavewretch]

misdiagnoses fucking SUCK and are TRAUMATIC and i have nowhere else to TALK ABOUT IT as i process this Major Shift i’m experiencing so i’m going to put it here <3

in 2020 i was diagnosed w cirs (chronic inflammatory response syndrome) by a total shithead of a doctor who didn’t believe in covid. OBVIOUSLY i stopped going to him and i started seeing this other cirs specialist (telehealth only). she verified the cirs diagnosis and then we did the whole getting out of exposure thing. that took me a really long time to complete (DUH) bc being told you have to completely uproot your life, get rid of your belongings or at least stay away from them, and either move/do extensive renovation/live in a tent etc to escape exposure is IMPOSSIBLE to complete quickly. i have an old google doc laying out abandoned plans for living in a shed in my backyard. it took a year of a lot of my own research and advocacy til my parents renovated a part of our house for me to live closed off in. i still live there.

living in spaces where you know the air is potentially making you sick but you can’t do anything about it is traumatic and i don’t know when i’ll be able to actually fully process it bc i still don’t feel safe .

anyway. cut to like summer 2022 im still sick, i’ve gotten a Smidge better on these intensive medications and supplements for cirs and living out of this Room, but i still feel like shit and can’t drive or work and get debilitating migraines Very Often. my cirs doctor’s response is i gotta move out of my house or move to arizona or keep eliminating toxins (what toxins. she was telling me the naturally occurring things that our bodies shed were making me sick. ur insane. i’ve been in pure survival animal mode for years now) SO! in november i was like maybe i don’t even fucking have this . shoutout to my friend pointing me towards thebibliosphere on here and my physical therapist who’s an advocate for eds and was able to fr change my life lmao

fast forwarding thru finding new doctors and getting appointments now im diagnosed with eds pots & mcas (getting a bunch of blood work done but yeah mcas) and i’m like ok what do i do now? can i go open the boxes of my books and artwork and other belongings that i packed up in 2020? can i go in the rest of my house? do i have to avoid the majority of buildings bc of potential water damage? can i stop thoroughly cleaning my room of any semblance of dust every 1-2 weeks? do i have to monitor my room’s humidity levels to such a specific range?

i’m doing this like massive reframing of everything i know about myself and the world and my health all at the same time and when i’m not sitting here fully disassociated i’m going fucking CRAZY !!!!!! good GOD !!!!!!! IM SO MAD !!!!!!!!!!!

AND ! to make it all WORSE ! i get booted off my parents insurance in t minus 1 year and 3 months so i have to figure out medicaid and probably apply for disability benefits AGAIN which sucks cuz that’s such a fucking dehumanizing process

at least i have the brain space to make all these fucking ocs (i reach into my pocket and deposit a dozen pinterest boards and scribbled notes into ur hand)

#not to mention all the trauma before even getting chronically ill that i’m also processing #therapy is very busy and from an outside perspective it seems like i’m just wasting away in my room BUT #in reality i am working incredibly hard constantly and don’t even get good sleep or have a concept of time #just this nightmare limbo state of desperate loneliness and frantic self love and indignance and dedication #at my core i believe in myself and it’s keeping me alive #i hope dear reader u have shorten long posts on cuz i can’t find how to insert a read more on mobile #long post #cirs #heds #mcas #pots #chronic illness #sickie notes

[sketchingstars03]

Your art is amazing.

Your Ink interpretation is amazing (dad ink supremacy).

Your au is amazing.

Splatter is amazing.

Jajdjsjdj you are amazing!!!

ASHEJJSHWJWEUUEJWHWJE

Thank you so much anon 🥺🥺🥺 you’re so sweet omg 😭

I might’ve said this before, but it means a lot to me that you guys actually like what I’ve contributed to this fandom. Like seriously. It makes me very happy 🥹

I’m both very flattered and kinda humbled? Emotions are weird lol

Regardless, you’re very amazing too, Anon! And again, tysm!!

#sorry if my phrasing is odd words can be hard lmao #it’s the tism #But I really do appreciate compliments like this 🥹 #don’t wanna let it get to my head though lol #Sorry me answering asks takes so long 😅 #it’s also the tism #miscellaneous #anonymous ask #posts that make me smile :3 #splattertale mention #also yes.. DAD INK SUPREMACYYYY 💪💪✨✨✨✨😎 #anon if you’re reading these tags I hope you have a great day :3

[catilinas]

every day i cry and weep over lucan never getting to write the death of cato the younger into the pharsalia :(

#it’s not even a lost text i can hope will be discovered one day :((( #genuinely i think if it Had been written it would have absolutely massive influence on a) latin lit Esp Tacitus #and b) the uhhhhhhhhhhhh american revolution #like cato already has such a weird and also Huge literary afterlife. but imagine if he had a sexy death scene too. like plutarch is good #but if lucan had got to do it plutarch’s version might not even exist! or would be completely overshadowed! #rip to neoplatonism but i don’t care #i want to read abt my favourite historical figure ripping his own guts out (with a conquerning swordhand) in lucan’s sexy dactylic hexameter #(this post v much thinking abt prev reblog like cato can’t grow as a character or even keep Living bcs he is the republic and the republic #Fucking Died. oufghfhjg i want to see lucan’s version soooooo bad) #(like i DO believe in the Twelve Book Pharsalia Ending In Cato’s Suicide. but ALSO how the fuck would/could lucan keep the poem going after #that…………………… cato funeral scene WHEN. give it necromantic vibes. immediately #wait actually yeah. Show Me What Happens To His Corpse. unite the Caesar Leaving His Enemies Unburied #and Caesar As Double Of Erichtho and let caesar reanimate cato/the republic. consider: it would be sexy #like i don’t think lucan would have done that at ALL but I Would. these tags are now pharsalia book 13 fanfic. thomas may wants what i have) #(although thomas may DID also add unnecessary necromancy via time travelling lucan drinking julius caesar’s blood.……….. #pharsalia enjoyers united by this theme) #suicide mention — #pharsalia #beeps

[birthdayplant]

i hope All the parents that excessively exploit or make content off their children on tiktok go to hell.

#like kys actually!!!! #i don’t understand how people don’t see the problem like???? #also not to mention how many fucking weirdos are on that app #if you’re posting a video of your child and it has 40k saves maybe delete the fucking video??? #just another way a parent can invade a child’s boundaries #yea i’m livid…it blows me how many horrible people have the right to raise children #i hope their children grow to despise them

[blueish-bird]

writing a Part 1 CSM fic where everyone’s just hanging out, but I can’t work on it for too long or it makes me sad and lonely and a little hopeless because. at least they have each other and an apartment/home and know how to make food lmao.

#but also I can’t stop working on it because my coping mechanism of choice is escapism #vicious cycle #yes they’re doomed by the narrative. yes I’m jealous. #sometimes a clear-cut lack of agency is enviable compared to being told you have agency when. it’s severely limited/not respected/etc #(woah just like in Chainsaw Man) #I don’t want to fall into nihilism because at the end of the day I think we still have free will and can make choices/changes #but it’s on a pretty small level. which is why community and collaboration are so important! #fuck capitalism #I’m so hungry and tired all the goddamn time. I wish I enjoyed/was good at making food. #considering joining a meal subscription service because this shit is bananas #food mention #csm #my csm thoughts #meposting #csm fic #I’m hoping to post it soon. I crave validation. #idk what to expect though. haven’t been part of a rly popular fandom in a while (both /pos and /neg) #chainsaw man #I like how it’s turning out! my writing has always felt a bit barebones but. it’s a good foundation at least!

[the-stray-pup]

detransition/misgendering play is a kink that some trans people are into. you can compare it to stuff like cnc, where survivors are reenacting their trauma but with full control over it. it's coping. none of them (<1%) actually want to detrans or think ftms are confused etc. it's fantasy. it's kink.

Since I went on a tangent. Tldr: if you support this shit fucking unfollow me I do not give one single fuck. This is the one and only fucking time I will be addressing this shit on my blog and I am done. So you can try to explain to me all the fuck you want but I will not be responding to that fucking shit and it will be fucking deleted/reported/blocked/etc.

Tw for vulgar language, s/h, suicide, etc. literally just don’t even read the rest of this shit if you have any triggers

Shut the actual fuck up. Literally. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. “It’s kink” no it’s literally fucking disgusting. Those trans people who are into detransition/misgendering have massive internalized shit that they need to work on. You aren’t going to sit here and compare that fucking “kink” to cnc. Cnc does not invalidate your literal fucking identity. If someone were to fucking misgender/want to detransition me wanna know what I’d fucking do? Literally want to slit my wrists and fucking die. You can say I’m kink shaming all you want and I will not give a fucking shit. I’ve already lost one follower probably from that dumbass fucking post but I. Do. Not. Fucking. Care. I’m literally on the thinnest fucking string right now and don’t. Fucking. Care. There’s a difference from being rough and pretending to say no and then literally fucking misgendering someone despite it being “consensual” and there is nothing that you will say that will fucking make me think otherwise. CNC is also a kink that has the potential to be harmful. HOWEVER detransition/misgendering is literally fucking harmful because you’re invalidating someone where as the other one is as you stated recreation. Sure there may be recreation of trauma in that fucking kink but it is more. Fucking. Trauma. Because you’re getting misgendered and whereas a society we have all already been desensitized to rape as something that is normal, so many fucking people are transphobic and will fucking think this was about trans people and for people to get off to that shit is literally fucking disgusting. Genuinely. I don’t know what it was about my original post on this topic that made you think there was a way you could explain this to me that I would be understanding of it. People who have CNC and other related kinks are taking back their SEXUALITY by controlling how they have SEX because they were FORCED to have fucking sex you fucking idiot so of course that’s gonna be the fucking coping mechanism for that shit because most are subconsciously fucking desensitizing themselves to that shit if it happens again/to help with the past experience. If some fucking nasty ass cishet fucking man we’re to be getting off while misgendering/feminizing/detransition oh me I would literally blow my fucking brains out. If people said “I ask (this person) to misgender me, etc in a nonsexual way so it doesn’t affect me as much when others do it” then MAYBE I would understand it. But people are literally nutting to this shit and I just won’t fucking have it because it does not make any fucking logical sense to be getting off to that shit unless you have some massive fucking issues that you need therapy for or because you’re fucking transphobic.

#asks #anon #not talking about this ever fucking again #so literally get the fuck off of my fucking blog #also tw for everything else mentioned on the thing up there so don’t read the tags either if any of what is mentioned is triggering to you #this is literally going to fucking make me relapse a g a i n #i just shekfndjm #WHAT THE FUCK #Updates will be getting made to my fucking pinned post because fuck this shit #and fuck every single one of you #do not fucking care #‘why would you cut yourself over this? 🙄’ #BECAUSE I ALREADY HAVE HAD FUCKING ENOUGH THE PAST FEW FUCKING DAYS OKAY #I’m so fucking sick and tired of living #i literally do not fucking care #i hope I fucking get something from this old fucking razor and fucking die