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makeste · 3 years

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BnHA Chapter 305: Worst Intervention Ever

Previously on BnHA: Shinomori, whose name took me an entire week to memorize, was all, “nice to meet you Deku, I’m ten feet tall, do you want to know how I died?” and without waiting for an answer explained that he kicked it from old age at forty thanks to good ol’ OFA. Deku was all “wait a minute, then how come All Might, who’s fifty-five and is definitely dyeing his gray hair, is still alive?” First and Shino were all, “we really have no fucking clue but we think it’s cuz he’s quirkless, JUST LIKE YOU!” So basically, since quirkless people don’t exactly grow on trees these days, Deku is probably going to be the last user of OFA. The chapter ended with Nana being all, “psst, Deku, about my grandson. Uh, can you kill him?” which is sure to lead to a very interesting conversation this week.

Today on BnHA: Nana And The Gang are all “so, Deku, how can we put this delicately. The thing is, we’re pretty sure that AFO really fucked my grandson up, so on the off chance you can’t save him, how would you feel about, you know... [throat slitting gesture].” Deku is all “idk you guys, I kinda feel like he’s really just a traumatized child at heart and he’s in a lot of pain and stuff and so I should try to help him.” The Vestiges are all “BUT WHAT IF YOU CAN’T” and Deku is all “BUT I WANT TO TRY, DAMMIT” and the Vestiges are all “well when you put it that way, we, uh, were just testing you, so congrats, you passed!” The chapter ends with First being all, “ANYWAY SO WHY DON’T YOU TWO SHY BOYS STANDING OVER THERE IN THE SHADOWS COME SAY HELLO” before we CUT AWAY FOR ANOTHER WEEK, goddammit.

seriously, Nana

just... have you met Deku?? look, if you really want Tomura dead, just sic him on the U.A. first years and tell Shouto and Honenuki that it’s a training exercise

oh my god lmao

we’re too far away to see Nana’s face here so I will just assume that she turned and is staring DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA for this one line lmao. “I just wanted to clarify in case anyone felt inclined to take my dialogue out of context and spend an entire week complaining about it”

oh my god?! are you all purposely trying to make me sad??

someone stop me before I launch into an impromptu rant about all my Tomura feels. WHY IS NOBODY STOPPING ME. oh my god but yes, exactly. he’s just in pain all the time. this is exactly why I think Tomura has such high redemption potential even though so far he seems to lack so many of the redemption arc essentials such as feeling remorse, wanting to change, and taking responsibility for his actions. the reason why I’m willing to overlook all that in his case is because Tomura has essentially had zero agency his entire life. AFO molded him into a killer by making sure he was in constant mental agony, and making it so that the only thing that even slightly relieved that agony was killing peeps. like, please don’t think I’m making excuses for him or anything, but if you take a child and manipulate their existence to make it virtually impossible for that child to grow up as anything other than a killer, and basically never give him the chance to be anything else, then no shit he’s gonna be a killer?? he’s basically never had the choice not to be. it’s never been an option for him. anyways I feel like I am EXPLAINING MYSELF SO BADLY but nonetheless I am prepared to die on this hill

anyway so now Nana is all “that’s a rhetorical question btw because Our Hearts And Minds Are One so we can feel everything you feel bro.” so yeah, that’s interesting

now Banjou is getting started on the “let’s try and talk Deku out of wanting to save Tomura because it’s insane” part of their OFA Mystical Space Void Reunion agenda

look, Banjou, I feel you, I really do. you guys don’t think it’s realistic that Deku can defeat Tomura without killing him. so if it’s a choice between killing Tomura vs letting Deku and everyone else in the entire world die, then duh, you think Deku should kill him. I get it! and if this were a real life mass murderer I’d totally agree with you. but the problem is that this isn’t real life, this is a sympathetic shounen villain with a tragic past who might as well have FUTURE REDEMPTION ARC RECEIPIENT stamped on his forehead at this point

so First is all “look, there’s absolutely no doubt my brother has fucked this kid up good and proper by now”, which, again, fair

though, that’s kind of exactly my point though. everything that Tomura is, everything he’s done, he’s done because of AFO. AFO has so effectively shaped his personality and his worldview by this point that it’s all but impossible to penetrate that. he’s AFO’s puppet. but the problem is that rather than treating him like a victim, you all are treating him like a casualty. like he’s already a lost cause. but good luck trying to convince Deku of that

WHOA WHAT, RANDOM SUPER-IMPORTANT AND BIZARRELY UNRELATED EXPOSITION DROPPED IN JUST LIKE THAT??

way to still not reveal Sixth’s name, btw. THE PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW, DAMMIT. but also so this confirms something we basically already knew already, which is that not even AFO can steal OFA. it literally can’t be taken away by anyone unless the owner wills it. SO SUCK ON THAT AFO YOU EGG

(ETA: so I have no idea why this was omitted from this translation, but apparently the Sixth’s name was revealed as “En”, which is obviously not his full name but at least it’s something. also he most likely has a fire or smoke-related quirk based on the kanji used, 煙.)

so Banjou is saying that Deku’s “lack of an iron will” could be a disadvantage against AFO. hahaha what?? Midoriya “I’ll break all of my bones without blinking an eye just to protect someone” Izuku lacks an iron will? do tell

he says this is going to be a test of Deku’s determination. well yeah, no shit. but just not in the way you guys think

OH HELLO AGAIN

darker hair again here! but I don’t trust the contrast in these scans at all after last week. his coveralls are way darker than they looked before too, and you can clearly see he’s standing in the shadows now

(ETA: yep, once again the raw shows that his hair is considerably lighter than what’s shown in these scans here. although there’s no mistaking now that his hair is consistently being colored in this slightly darker shade, and it’s not just the lighting.)

anyways lol First was saying something about how AFO can’t steal OFA, and they’ve spent all this time cultivating it as the ultimate weapon against AFO, and blah blah blah. go on then, keep lecturing

NANA GODDAMMIT NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT

girl what?? you did everything in your power to protect your family, and AFO, fucked up man that he is, targeted them anyway. there is one person and one person only to blame for what’s happened to Tomura, and that potato-faced asshole needs a good kick in the balls

NANA GODDAMMIT DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE

SO HELP ME GOD!! I WILL GIVE YOU THE BIGGEST HUG YOU’VE EVER HAD!! THAT IS A THREAT

so now Nana is all “I’m just going to call my grandson a Thing to ensure that fandom has only the freshest, grass-fed no-hormones-added discourse this week”

I don’t even need to drop into the tags to know exactly which specific people are going to respond to this, and what kind of posts they are going to write lmao. everyone’s all caught up in the “that thing”, and meanwhile I’m over here completely hung up on this “nay” that’s appeared out of NOWHERE you guys. look at that. she really said “NAY”

Nana, my love, my dearest, I feel you girl I really do. but he’s not an unforgivable manifestation of pure evil, Deku is exactly right actually, he’s a boy in pain. you guys need to stop questioning Deku’s shounen protagonist instincts here and just let him work his sparkly magic. “let’s try and convince Midoriya Fucking Izuku that he can’t save someone” is a plan that is NEVER going to turn out well you guys

“DEKU GODDAMMIT WHAT IF WE CAN’T SAVE HIM” lmao it’s like an intervention

“DAMMIT DEKU JUST ADMIT YOU HAVE A SAVING PEOPLE PROBLEM!”

RED ALERT IT’S ANOTHER CLOSE-UP OF THE BACK OF MISTER TWO BON CLAY’S HEAD OMG

(ETA: I was too distracted with freaking out about Two and Three to really appreciate how ridiculously handsome First looks in this panel. but on my second readthrough it stood out so much that I had to go back and add an extra bullet point just to talk about how hot he is. look at him. wtf.)

THAT IS DEFINITELY AN UNDERCUT. THE PLOT THICKENSSSS. also those are fucking exhaust vents on Mister Three’s neck. MISTER THREE COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE RELATED TO THE IIDAS, PLEASE TELL ME YOUR SECRETS I’M DYING OVER HERE

so now Deku is launching into what will undoubtedly be a “saving people problems require SAVING PEOPLE SOLUTIONS” heroic counter-speech!

I mean, they can already feel the “lol nah I’m gonna try and save him” feelings running through him lol. ~OuR hEaRtS aNd MiNdS aRe CoNnEcTeD~ and all that. this is just a formality, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love a good shounen protag speech

oh wait hold up, do you mean to tell me that the whole “hearts and minds are connected” thing I was just mocking just a paragraph ago actually allowed Deku to feel what Tomura was feeling?? like literally feel it??

YET AGAIN these Tomura feels are pounding on my front door you guys?? they just will not quit?? people my house is already full of feels, does it look like I need you to sell me any more of them?? -- what do you mean, they’re free??

AW YISS THAT’S IT DEKU. THAT’S SOME GOOD SPEECH RIGHT THERE

I appreciate the contrast here between the Douchebag Triumvirate of Overhaul, Muscular, and Stain versus the Misguided Twosome of Gentle and La Brava. never let it be said that Deku doesn’t know the difference between a redeemable villain and an unredeemable one

OH NO -- OH MY GOD

someone please help me I need directions to the OFA Spooky Galactic Nebula Realm in this fictional Japanese manga land. it’s not on google maps. I need to give these two babies a big hug and wrap them up in a blanket and treat them to some McDonalds Happy Meals please help

other things: (1) ENDEAVOR CHILLING OUT IN DEKU’S “PEOPLE I HOLD DEAR” PANEL LMAO NEON DISCOURSE EXTRAVAGANZA, (2) “ONE FOR ALL IS A POWER TO SAVE, NOT TO KILL” I’M ABOUT TO CRY DEKU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO FEEL ALL THIS LOVE, (3) [SLAMS HANDS ON TABLE] THERE’S YOUR MOTHERFUCKING IRON WILL!!!!!!!! -- I’m sorry, please don’t call security, I’ll be good

I just randomly remembered that Deku is still saying all of this in his muffled “FMMPHHMMPHMM” voice and I’m somehow cracking up lol. so actually it’s a very good thing Their Hearts And Minds Are Connected, otherwise they’d no doubt be all, “...what?”

(ETA: so I completely missed this on account of it literally not being visible in the scan at all, but in the raw you can clearly see Baby Kacchan and Baby Shouto fanboying over All Might in two of these panels, and excuse me, ma’am??

thank you very much Deku for including them in your montage, particularly since you’ve never seen Baby Shouto before lol. amazingly accurate image you managed to conjure up, all things considered.)

SDKFJLSKHG -- AS IF ON CUE???

HE’S SO ADORABLE HELP?? Trippy Space All Might looks like he’s about to cry, and First is all “don’t crack a smile... you have to be Firm and Serious here... dammit, don’t smile” omg

anyways! YOU GO DEKU. “MY QUIRK MY RULES, BITCHES” damn, son

KLJLKKHLG TRIPPY SPACE ALL MIGHT LITERALLY ACTUALLY IS CRYING ALL MIGHT HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

“I JUST... [CLENCHES FIST] REALLY LOVE SAVING PEOPLE” FUCKING HELL LMAO THIS IS THE WORST INTERVENTION OF ALL TIME

Deku is literally all “sure, maybe I’ll have to kill him, but have you guys also considered, MAYBE NOT??” it’s no use Nana he’s too powerful

LMAO FIRST

“like I’ve been saying this whole time, you should definitely try saving Shigaraki Tomura.” “but, uh... First, didn’t you just -- ” “shut up”

(ETA: clearly it’s not just his brother who inherited those smooth-talking genes.)

so now Deku has turned back into a sixteen year old and his clothes have gone missing again. just OFA things

dskljdlsklgk

yes... sure... “testing” you...

HEY

FIRST OF ALL, DAMN YOU HORIKOSHI YOU MADE NANA CRY. even if I’m pretty sure they’re actually tears of happiness/relief. and SECOND OF ALL, “TELL MY BOYFRIEND I SAID HI” DJSKDLKJJL ANYWAY MAYBE GRAN, NANA, AND MR. SHIMURA WERE IN A THROUPLE

[SCREAMS]

WHY WOULD YOU END IT THERE?? WHY WOULD YOU END IT THERE!!!!!

(ETA: and two-to-one odds that we cut away to some other scene once they finally start to turn around next week. I’M CALLING IT NOW. giving myself a week to brace myself for the rage.)

fucking hell. well if anyone needs me I will be adding Horikoshi fucking Kouhei to the list of irredeemable villains, peace

#bnha 305 #midoriya izuku #shigaraki tomura #shimura tenko #shimura nana #ofa the first #banjou daigorou #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #'deku. sweetheart. your other vestiges and I just want what's best for you'#'have you tried... *not* saving people?'#only to backpedal SPECTACULARLY when he was all 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT SAVING THEM'#yeah okay guys #you're not fooling anyone #but it's okay I still love you

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miikkkkkkkka · 4 years

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okay so since its annabeth's birthday today, i'm gonna make a whole ass essay about her and how perfectly imperfect she is.

okay first off, all characters had great character development. but i think annabeth is the one the fans can relate to the most in terms of this. annabeth went from 'immature 12 year old who judges everyone for everything they do and all she thinks about is winning' to someone who is way more open with her emotions and whom the seven look up to and depend on. this is just like how every one of us grew up to be more open-minded, mature, and empathetic. we all grew up and got to learn more about the world, just like how annabeth got to explore the outside world when percy came to camp and she finally got to go on a quest. (btw! imagine how Annabeth ‘constantly waiting for a quest’ Chase felt when this scrawny kid with zero training and insanely green eyes, who's been there for like, 2 weeks, got a quest so damn fast. no wonder she was kinda rude i mean, annabeth must’ve been like “WHAT DOES HE HAVE THAT I DON’T????” her pride was going crazyyyy)

thinking about it now, we aren't so sure about annabeth's 'legit' personality in pjo, she seemed so scary and unapproachable, but when you look at other books, she actually makes friends pretty fast, and people seem to really like her.

percy once said something along the lines of "we all love annabeth" in botl. when sadie and annabeth met, they became INSTANT BFFS, i remember piper saying she's never had a friend as great as annabeth, frank went to her for help with the chinese handcuffs because he KNOWS she will drop everything to help him, reyna and annabeth would definitely, without a doubt become best friends, i also think reyna had like, a really small crush on annabeth but lets not talk about that now. leo and annabeth are definitely dorky best friends who intimidate everyone with their intelligence, nico literally said "he wanted to hate annabeth, but he just couldn't. she'd gone out of her way to thank him at epirus. she was genuine and sincere. she never overlooked him or avoided him like most people did". jason definitely respects her, it's pretty obvious, and hazel was so relieved to see annabeth safe and alive after she got out of tartarus. grover and thalia love her and are basically her parents in a way, and PERCY, percy is someone who values personality, he obviously wouldn't be as in love with her as he is if she wasn't a good person. and i'm sure there are so much more examples but i'm not gonna put them all here, and plus, i can't remember them all aksjaksj.

it's honestly so disappointing how some in the fandom give annabeth shit for how she acted when she was 12-13 years old because she's matured so much since then. she's much more open-minded and empathetic towards her friends. and anyway, in defense of botl annabeth, you would be irrationally overprotective and jealous too if everyone you thought loved you (luke and her father) ended up leaving you and making you feel unloved and inadequate. annabeth thought that percy was gonna die at 16, she obviously wanted to spend his last days on earth WITH HIM. rachel made annabeth feel the way she did because she thought percy would do what luke did, and leave her for 'something better' and that 'something better' is a world away from the gods, which rachel (who is mortal), could provide him.

i honestly think that the people who don't like annabeth think what they do about her because of fanon. fanon annabeth is so far from canon annabeth. fanon annabeth (in a nutshell) is: 'a bitch' 'scary' 'unapproachable' 'cold-hearted' and so much more things that she simply ISN'T. canon annabeth on the other hand is super sweet, she cares so much about her friends and she would sacrifice herself for their happiness, she cries a lot because she has a lot of emotions (she literally cried when she left cerberus, and hugged a kitten in tartarus), she absolutely adores her boyfriend and thinks very very very highly of him, she is so in love and is not at all 'cold-hearted'.

i have so much more to say, but this is getting too long, i might make a part 2 when i feel like it but who knows? anyway, happy birthday to annabeth chase, the loml.

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class1akids · 4 years

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BNHA 284 - Thoughts

Yay!!! I’m normally not really for flashbacks explaining things that should have been set up properly, but ok, I’ll take the change of pace.

I didn’t know that I needed a Catch-a-Kacchan in my life, but I did, I do, and life is just so much better that I know it’s a thing that exists, a thing they did.

So there is a lot to unpack, because Bakugou, the Serene (it’s my favourite Bakugou - far superior to Bakugou, the Cross) gets another large dose of character development - or rather he gets to show off in plain sight all that growth that many of us already extrapolated from his actions and I’m all for it.

1. He friggin’ questions All Might, because he’s hiding stuff and Bakugou will hold him accountable - and damn, boy, somebody really should and I’m so glad that you have Deku’s back. Because like you say, Deku is too trusting to do this questioning, even if he notices things (we all know he notices things)

2. His unease gets identified as worry. Bakugou worries about Deku. He knows it, All Might knows it, we know it. Your tsundere act ain’t working anymore, Kacchan.

3. He realizes how Deku’s selflessness made him uneasy even when they were kids, how it made him feel less then and how he was bullying Deku to push him away. It’s not an excuse, but finally he’s self-aware enough to acknowledge that. (And the entire BKDK corner of the fandom goes SQUEEEE, we knew that)

4. He’s helping Deku’s training because he wants him to get stronger and also because it’s part of his personal atonement and I want to cry. Like look at his face - it’s so open. He doesn’t even bother denying it. Bakugou is about actions and I think that’s perfectly in character for him to choose this way of setting things right. And bless All Might validating this rather than his guilt.

So when All Might points out how Bakugou’s change is similar to Endeavor’s, on the one hand, I want to yell, because, hell, did you know, what was going on All Might and decided to do nothing? Or is this just a general remark about Endeavor being power-obsessed and realizing that it’s not about him? That it’s about the world? And when All Might says, he’s not in the position to say much - does he mean he takes some responsibility in how things went down between him and Endeavor? Or that he doesn’t feel entitled to interfere with Bakugou’s and Deku’s relationship. This part is a bit confusing, tbh.

Anyways, I feel like this chapter is trying to get us think that Endeavor will try to get OFA for himself. I somehow have a hard time seeing him really do that, but I do understand All Might worrying about the secret getting out and the Hero Commission trying to use Deku as a weapon or force him to give up OFA to someone else. Maybe No. 4 was a villain or maybe he was a hero who wanted to take it for the Greater Good or maybe it was taken from him (by his best friend? closest ally?). Either way, it’s not a happy story and something with devastating implications for Izuku.

Oh, btw, training with Uraraka, Sero and Froppy is kind of bittersweet, because OMG, so cute, but it also feels like this is the last bit of relevance we are going to get out of my sass-boy Sero (thanks for the dick joke there) , because obviously Hori thinks blackwhips are more fun to draw than tapes. I guess Ochako still has the edge of being able to float other things than herself - though Float combined with BW clearly does the job. Burnt Broccoli Deku is an interesting look though.

Moving on - something dodgy is going on with the 4th user (is he a villain?, is the power self-destructive?, or maybe destructive of others?), and now Deku’s over-wrought rage-mode makes more sense. It’s not only his emotions that are in play, but also that of the vestiges, as he’s spinning out of control, not taking into account at all his own personal safety.

Back in the present, Deku has landed everyone safely (thank goodness - I couldn’t have taken seriously them hanging on) and has a bit of control issues (which makes sense even with the extra training, because duh).

Shouto is in charge of the injured (is he gonna cauterize Gran Torino and Aizawa????), while Endeavor feels extremely pathetic (haha - that’s a Deku specialty. Don’t worry Enji, he made All Might feel pathetic too, back when he didn’t even have a quirk)

I think Endeavor and Bakugou are launching into a combo move to finish off Shigaraki and pull out Deku, who is probably quite literally shattered from abusing his quirk, but I wonder if this heightened sense of danger will also unlock No. 4.’s unknown power (which I have no doubt will be a deadly one, considering the Japanese implications of the number 4).

I have almost zero doubt at this point that Bakugou will be saving Deku’s ass here big time - maybe even against his will / or the will of OFA, maybe tanking whatever No. 4.th hidden quirk is. It’s hard to tell who is in the driving seat as Deku goes for the kill-shot disregarding his own life and health.

Hmmm - what’s with Uraraka’s Nana hairdo?

Oh, yeah, Uraraka accusing Bakugou of being a jerk for doing exactly as Deku asked him to do makes me lowkey sad.

Also, thank you Sero for pointing out that Aizawa sensei should fucking know about this OFA-secret, because he’s Deku’s homeroom teacher and a pro at whipping and there is zero narrative reasons not not tell him

#bnha 258 #class1a reads bnha #bakugou katsuki #all might #midoriya izuku #bakugou's character arc

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bazz-a · 3 years

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hi!!!

44 34 & 25 for the writing asks!!! :))))))

hiya love!!!! 💚💚 thank you for asking! ✨✨

oof OK let's hit it!

44. Rant about something writing related.

ok ok ok ok let me choose one 😂

ok I guess right now what's pissing me off the most is my lack of ability to write???? I haven't been able to write a SINGLE word in a MONTH and I guess I'm just really pissed at myself that I didn't see this burnout approaching sooner than I did. maybe I could've done something, idk 😩

and it really sucks bc then I started doubting and hating literally everything I did. I had a full out mental breakdown last month and I almost deleted the fic 😂😂😂 I'm laughing but it was really weird. but I didn't delete it! ✨yay✨ (and btw I owe my gratitude to @heyitswrenn who helped me get my shit together and didn't let me delete the fic. love you babe, thanks for putting up with my crazy ass you're the BEST)

I'm gonna cut this rant short here bc otherwise it's gonna get worse AHAHAHA

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

you know my Genma? that's me.

not even slightly joking, I write him unapologetically similar to me, and I LOVE it that he's everyone's favourite character bc I'm like eeehehehe thank you

but THEN! two close friends of mine from real life started reading my fic, right, @justjstuff and @lovelymustaches. we've been friends for a good number of years and they told me that apparently my Sakura is also very similar to me, which was totally not on purpose 😂 lovelymustaches even said that multiple times she can't help but imagine me instead of Sakura when she's reading bc apparently I write her speech the same way that I speak shfkzndjdksjd

I'll never forget this but J, on the other hand, told me the same on ch2 right in the beginning when Sakura drops her key and bangs her head on the coffee table 😂😂😂😂😂 Imm a clumsy fucker and I'll never forget J saying "lol this is you 100%"

anyways, I have absolutely no idea how my readers' image of me is. I think they might appreciate that I respond to every review..... but other than that I really have no idea. I know people had ZERO trust on me when Genma was hurt AHAHAHAHA I said it MULTIPLE times that I wouldn't kill him, I promised and still every review I got was doubting my word 😂😂😂 which was funny ngl

25. Do you listen to music as you write? If possible, link your writing playlist

oof so. I'm one of those chaotic people who doesn't have playlists 😂😂 I only press shuffle on my liked music on Spotify (over 1.5k songs there AHAHAHA really chaotic)

BUT sometimes I write with these on:

https://youtu.be/5RHTt4_XVVU

youtube

https://youtu.be/wrblqtM_daw

youtube

😄😄😄😄

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING, SNICKIE!!!!! hope you're doing well 💚💚💚

ask me

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fayevalcntine · 4 years

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god i am Tired why does everyone love logan so much

I honestly don't know lmao. I mean I can understand the appeal of his character on a surface level. He's rich, can be charming when he wants to be, and is generally pretty easy going, but overall as the show goes on he really just gets worse and worse (or he gets better and becomes a somewhat better boyfriend before turning into a not-so-good one again). I can never really be into his character the same way all his fans are, because while they like to view his "development" as only a linear one, to me he basically flunctuates in whichever way the writers need him to in order for their plot (usually involving Rory) to work.

Logan can be charming and attentive when he tries to get what he wants (like getting Rory back after their fight in Balalaikas), but he can also be overly defensive about his actions and offensive towards anyone who questions or doubts him (their fight in Balalaikas or him continuing to excuse himself for sleeping with the bridesmaids). While his easygoing personality is a feature everyone loves about him in season 5/7, to me it gets a bit old after a while. Like sure, I appreciate him at least being honest with Rory about not wanting to date, but I also don't like how Rory wound up crying on the bathroom floor because of their so-called "arrangement". I also don't like how he doesn't give Rory the space to explain herself and makes her doubt her feelings when she asked him if she could come over after the wedding, only to turn up to a poker game (when he very likely knew she wanted alone time with him, even if it was for them to just talk). He also always wants something he can't really have, which is what Rory deliberately has to use in order to have him spend time with her (by going out with Robert first). Even their whole conversation where she tells him she can't go on with this fwb situation, his weird exasperation over being a boyfriend is uh, pretty foreshadowing. Like look, I'm not gonna say he has to agree only with enthusiasm, but to me, Logan's complete lack of experience with mutual romantic relationships is an issue that shows itself multiple times even in season 5. He's completely fine to let Rory do anything (even commit a crime and go to jail), because from his perspective it's "no big deal", but he never considers what could've possibly caused her to get the idea to impulsively do something like this. It's why his whole speech about her being "sheltered" or w/e is just ironic to me, seeing as how he has absolutely zero problem doing anything and everything, because he's allowed to, to the point where he doesn't seem to even grasp the notion of his actions (or Rory's) having consequences.

I also simply don't like who Rory becomes around him as a person. Logan isn't directly responsible for Rory's behavior, but he is a catalyst for it, and since Rory wants to appear cool and easygoing like he is in order to continue getting his attention, this later just snowballs into various problems she causes for herself.

When it comes to how his character is more often than not used for a plot device, it's obvious with how Rory is "introduced" to the easy ways of the rich with him leading her into that, to being completely passive to her sudden shift after dropping out of Yale. Even in the revival, Logan isn't really much of a developed character. The bare bones of his personality are there, but he's used more as a sign to show that Rory's in a really bad place for herself, that she would fall into another affair with an ex-boyfriend, before she breaks if off with him. Not to mention the pregnancy, which was Amy's apparent dream for Rory all along.

I think that overall, his fans love Logan's fun personality on a surface level. And it really helps that he's just rich and his story/life is and always will be tied to him being rich. Lmao if there's one thing I've learned from this hellsite is that people love excusing rich people, fictional or real, because they want their lifestyle. To a lot of Logan fans that I've seen, he basically represents that. So it's easy for them to excuse everything and anything he does. Logan's not really emotionally mature when it comes to his situation with his future career? "Mitchum's abusive!!!" (Also funny how Mitchim apparently being abusive excuses Logan's behavior, but Jess having a flaky mother who abandoned him is no excuse for anything). Logan sleeps with numerous girls immediately after thinking he and Rory are broken up? "He apologized and he thought it wasn't cheating so it's not cheating!!!" (He never apologized btw, he simply made Rory doubt her being understandably upset by repeatedly excusing himself and not considering her own feelings on the matter) Logan proposes to Rory at her own graduation party without even so much as talking to her about marriage before that but merely asking Lorelai for her permission? "RORY SHOULD'VE SAID YES. HE LOVED HER. I WOULD'VE MARRIED LOGAN" Logan is cheating on his fiancee with Rory and wants to continue his affair even after getting married? "He's following the dynastic plan!! He wants Rory to ask him to not marry Odette!! Rory is actually to blame for this because Logan loves her and can do no wrong!!" There is no moment in the revival that shows him so much as even thinking about Rory wanting to ask him anything. If he didn't want to marry Odette, I'm fairly certain he could've simply chosen to break off his engagement. Logan always has the weight of his own choices taken away from him by his fans because they simply cannot accept him not being perfect and good, because for the most part, he's their wish fulfillment of sorts.

Overall, whenever I watch his scenes I can stand him and go along with it or w/e, but his story is never that interesting and he's not really as charming as his fans make him out to be so much, he's just smug for the most part of his screentime. I think that, if anyone was actually a fan of Logan, flaws and all, and not just how he's a "giving" rich boyfriend, they'd want him to go to therapy and maybe find some better friends.

#anti rogan #anti logan huntzberger #/#//#///#gilmore girls

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jq37 · 4 years

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The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 11

The One With All the Lore (in which the Bad Kids do a Lot of Reading and we are Forcibly Reminded the Plot is Happening)

We are back in the Land of the Lomenelda where the Bad Kids and Co. are waking up (well, those who went to sleep anyway). Fig and Ayda wake from their sleepover that Fig decides to keep going into the day, confusing Ayda immensely in the process.

Kristen decides to look at the research she found in Calethriel Tower and on a 22 religion check, she gets a lot of info which I will do my best to summarize here:

The information is older than what she read in the pirate book. It’s probably from 850-900 years ago--around the time of the last great Sylvan War.

The text is by high elven clerics of the Moon Goddess Galakaya (Tracker’s goddess).

There used to another goddess worshiped in Sylvere--a goddess of night, mystery, and magic and the younger sister of Galakaya. This goddess was worshiped by all of the races in the forest (and it sounds like this is who all the oblique references in the earlier research was pointing to). Doubt and the unknown were parts of worship to her which Kristen is very into. Religious differences between the races about how to worship the mystery goddess was part of what sparked the war.

Some high elven clerics came in to help broker a truce which ended up leading to the invention of the “Sylverian Heresy”. Basically, the Moon clerics advised the Mystery clerics to “unmake” the name of their goddess because, “Hey, she’s a mystery goddess, right? So isn’t knowing anything about her a contradiction of her whole thing?” They think that sounds legit and proceed to do that but it seems that it wasn’t actually altruistic advice as much as a ploy by the high elven clerics to weaken the mystery goddess.

Fabian has been dancing all night and he is feeling exhausted but super good. This becomes even more of a family affair when none other than Hilariel Seacaster shows up! She joins the dance! Cathilda joins the dance! Fig plays her bass! Riz is skanking? It’s one of those classic D&D moments where the plot utterly grinds to a halt while everyone takes turns describing the ridiculous nonsense they’re doing and it’s fantastic. Once that calms down a bit, Fabian goes on a walk with his mom and Cathilda where Hilariel tells him that the grapes 1000% do not work, which honestly checks out.

Shifting to the Abernant sisters, Aelwen (this is the canon spelling and I’m gonna try to use it for these recaps but we’ll see how that goes) has just regained her pre-torture memories. To be specific, she seems to have backed them up between being broken out of jail in Solace and the torture starting. They have a little bit of a standoff, not sure whether one of them is going to attack the other. Once it becomes clear that blasting each other isn’t on the top of their respective to-do lists, they settle into a semi civilized conversation. Adaine wants Aelwen to read her thoughts so she’ll have the memories of what happened to her and the past day (at least from Adaine’s P.O.V.) and not go back to working with their parents. Aelwen seems resistant to the prospect and asks Adaine to just tell her what happened. While they’re talking, Adaine rolls an Insight check of 10 which doesn’t net her any information (we’ll come back to this).

Aelwen tells Adaine that their parents are not on the same side but refuses to elaborate, much to Adaine’s annoyance and frustration. They kind of dissolve into almost normal sibling bickering except that it’s about stuff like, “Oh come on, I only tried to kill you one time. Don’t be dramatic.” When questioned, Aelwen says that she only joined up with Goldenhoard for fun and she didn’t really think he’d win against her and her friends. The argument ends with Adaine casting Tasha’s Hideous Laughter which knocks Aelwen out in one shot because she’s still three or four levels of exhaustion deep.

Fig goes to Telemein to ask if he knows Planeshift (which she needs to get Gorthalax out of the ruby he’s trapped in). He does not and she doesn’t trust him to figure it out in a timely manner (or to even know what a timely manner is).

Kristen goes into the Van where Aelwen is to check on her (she’s fine, just trancing). Then, she helps out while Adaine tries to rifle through Aelwen’s brain for information on their Mom. Aelwen saves from the first Detect Thoughts but she’s sleeping so Adaine just tries again. Second time’s the charm. Her sleeping brain is a little hard to read but what Adaine sees is that when she failed her Insight check with a 10, what was happening was THE SHADOWCAT WAS STANDING BEHIND HER AND TALKING TO AELWEN. And I (roughly) quote, “Don’t keep looking at me. Look at your sister. Your mom is working for me. She has the crown and she’s taking it to Sylvere. Get away from Adaine so we can talk.” On an 18 Insight check, she can tell that Aelwen and Kalina have spoken before and seem familiar with each other.

Now that Adaine has seen Kalina through Aelwen’s memories, she decides to Scry on her. Oh, and she has a Nat 1 portent roll to give her. Eat your dice Brennan! The Scry goes really weird though. Instead of just showing one person, it cycles through a bunch of people, ending with Ragh, Tracker, Sandra-Lynn, that elf Ragh slept with, and Kristen. Then, it flashes to a creepy-ass forest where she sees a wood elf covered in festering wounds and claw marks. Vines are dripping with blood. The elf stands, grabs an old spear, and scratches into the ground, “Hello Adaine. Glad you could join me.” Then, it moves back to Kristen. Um, como se dice, CONCERNING.

Adaine gets a 27 to Detect Magic on Kristen and pings nothing that shouldn’t be there. Gorgug (who is also there btw) gets the pic and asks Ragh’s hookup if he can see the tabaxi and he can. The group gets together and they realize that everyone who can all of a sudden see the Shadowcat either had sex or exhanged blood with someone who initially could (ie: Garthy got it from Sandra-Lynn, as did Tracker when she blood healed her and Kristen got it afte she hooked up with Tracker in Leviathan). Shout out to everyone who called that. And I guess the Thistlespring STD talk at the top of the season was less of a wild detour than it seemed (I wonder if it would have transferred if said people specified that they used protection).

Fabian and Fig are very down to drink some blood so they can also see the picture but they are warned off with the idea that it very likely means Kalina can see through their eyes or something similar. After they all exchange their info, Riz theorizes that Kalina is not just a servant of the Nightmare King and rather the Mystery Goddess herself, powered down. Adaine starts a private message (w/ magic, not on their crystals) with the non-infected people.

Kristen recently learned the spell Hallow which can basically turn the Van into a permanent Moon Haven. She tells Tracker and on a 15 Persuasion check, Tracker seems to have warmed back up to her a bit and is down to help. Telemein offers his library which has zero useful books but lots of meditation guides and essential oils which Adaine and Kristen respectively grab.

Having learned her lesson, Kristen tells Tracker EVERYTHING she learned from the religious texts (and Tracker notices what she’s doing). She feels weird about something that bad having been done in the name of her goddess and also she’s sorry she gave Kristen a magic STD. She does the head bump thing that dogs and wolves do and says that just cause she was mad at her, it didn’t mean she didn’t love her. She goes to talk to Sandra-Lynn and it seems like they’ve patched things up.

The Bad Kids split up again to get some stuff done before they leave (which they want to do since they are dangerously close to the elves who are probably looking for them). Adaine and Gorgug (who was also given Aelwen’s spellbook to hold) work on fixing the Hangman. Riz wants to do some research/investigating. Kristen and Tracker work on the Hallow spell. Fig guards Aelwen. Fabian hangs out with his mom.

After spilling his guts about the past week to his mom, Fabian is given an uncharacteristically lucid and touching speech from Hilariel which basically boils down to: you’re your own person and being able to get through hardship is better than never facing hardship. She also drops the information that post-yesterday’s shenanigans (grabbing the sun and all that), Aguefort has lost a LOT of funding. They won’t be able to pay their hirelings. Also, she kinda sorta wants Cathilda back because she’s out of yogurt and cannot cook. Cathilda has a little sidebar heart-to-heart with Fabian where she gives him a choice on whether she stays or goes and he decides she should go home with Hilariel. Says Cathilda, “There’s only one Seacaster left to take care of and she’s out there in a kimono.”

Oh yeah. Hilariel showed up to the woods in a black kimono. As you do.

Cathilda asks Fabian which sword he’s going to fight with now since he has two and he chooses the elven one he got last episode over the Sword of the Seacasters.

Riz, with a crazy 28 Investigation check gets a bunch of information from the stolen research which I will summarize below:

Ragh, who is also there, reminds Riz that he saw Adaine’s mom talking to Jace post-prom and then saw the Shadowcat after on his way home.

Adaine’s mom was looking for a way to pin down the Shadowcat and also how to rename the goddess of mystery. She pulled 200-300 year old records on the execution of a wood elf named Landryn Leer in the elven secret service (called the Third Court).

Landryn was a cleric, ostensibly of Galakaya, but she was actually a cleric of the goddess of mystery and was killed for espionage. When she was supposed to be healing, she was also infecting people with some kind of virus--probably whatever magic STD that lets you see Kalina in the picture.

Mom Abernant was also researching Abyssal demonic texts while she was working for Falinel (which I think is connected to the next bullet but my notes are a little hectic here).

After the first fall of Kalvaxus, a group of infernal warlocks came to help the good guys by making a boundary around the forest of the Nightmare King so no one could get in or out. The devils helped because devils hate demons and demons were on the other side.

This isn’t new information but we’re reminded that the Crown of the Nightmare King can be used to anchor a being to the material plane.

Pok, Riz’s dad, also checked out the same information (about the fall of Kalvaxus and stuff) for himself and Kalina earlier.

(Riz wonders whether the Nightmare King and the Mystery goddess are opposed rather than allies).

Anyway, the only way to pass through the barrier the devils put up is by a high ranking devil allowing passage. Mom Abernant had notes about binding a devil into a gem (Ragh recognizes that bit because of his mom’s condition) and doing a ritual to put the devil in a freshly dead body. Riz realizes that this is what was happening with him and Fig and Gorthalax in the Hotel Cavalier.

This is actually from research that Kristen does but I’ll put it here because it’s related. Apparently, only a certain kind of dead body would give the Shadowcat the gem.

Meanwhile, Fig is watching Aelwen. She hexes Aelwen (giving her disadvantage of Strength checks), disguises herself as her (Aelwen’s) mom, and smokes cloves. Ragh’s hookup shows up, recognizes Fig because she’s still carrying her bass, and asks for the hot goss on her and Ayda. He says the elves told Ayda that she’s a rockstar and therefore probably promiscuous which made Ayda teleport away. That pisses Fig right off and she gets Gorgug to take over watching Aelwen while she goes after Ayda (with a parting, “CHOKE ON GRAPES BITCH,” to Fathethriel or whatever his name is).

Aelwen wakes up but Gorgug realizes after about a minute that he’s not talking to the real Aelwen, it’s a water elemental like the one she made in her S1 battle episode. A decoy. At about the same time, Fig goes to where she was told Ayda left through a door but the door isn’t there. Then, she’s made to roll a Wisdom saving throw. Dirty 20 passes and whatever spell was happening doesn’t land. She rolls initiative but, even with a 5 turned to a 17 (she took the Lucky feat) she can’t beat a 19. Another Wisdom saving throw and this one she fails with a 10. She’s frozen with a Hold Person spell. Someone invisible grabs Gorthalax’s gem from her pocket.

She breaks out of the Hold Persons spell and casts Bestow Curse on the person--clearly Aelwen--to give her wicked gas (which is a hilarious on its face but smart after a second of thought Axford Gambit--Invisible Aelwen w/ gas = trackable by scent). Aelwen (who has the gem and her spellbook because she was in the Van, invisible and snagged it from Gorgug) drops invisibility, tells Fig, “Sorry but goodbye for now,” rips a huge fart, then teleports out. Adaine isn’t mad at Fig and Gorgug. She says she should have been watching Aelwen. The group tracks down Fathethriel who tells them Aelwen bribed him with the promise of 10 gold (the promise, not the actual gold) to mess with Fig. Fabian and Riz backhand him. Fabian calls him mean which is somehow the worst thing he could have said. Fig is ready to straight up kill this dude with Booming Blade but ends up just doing non-lethal damage and knocking him unconscious. But even Telemein hates that dude so it’s probably fine.

The group discusses the hireling situation now that school is no longer paying their stipend. Sandra-Lynn and Tracker are both willing to keep on with them without being paid but the Bad Kids insist that they’ll still pay them from their own money. Riz thinks Aelwen might be the new sacrifice and Adaine is kinda like, “Sure. Of course. Why wouldn’t this be happening.”

Cathilda has a nice goodbye with everyone. Adaine gets cookies. Fig isn’t suspicious of her anymore. Fabian puts his eyepatch back on and calls her the best surrogate mother a boy could ask for (while standing like two feet away from his actual mom who, though hurt, is like, “Valid.”)

Once they’re back in Leviathan, Sandra-Lynn gives a speech that’s half pep-talk, half apology. Then she asks Ayda to use her Sending spell and Kristen can tell even without an Insight check that she’s gonna talk to Jawbone.

After terrifying Fabian with the idea that they might track down Chungledown-Bim, they decide to talk to Garthy instead--they being Fabian, Fig and Ragh. We’ll get back to them in a second. First, Adaine goes to the Library to read over her research. Nat 20 arcana check so here comes another info-dump:

The info she found was written by mystics and shamans of wood elves, centaurs, treents, and sprites (the forest races).

Before the name of the goddess was destroyed, there were clerics driven out as heretics because they were having dreams sent by the mystery goddess which were ignored by the clerics in Sylvere. She was trying to tell everyone not to do the whole un-naming thing because it would destroy her.

There were 4 miracles called the 4 transubstantiations followed by 1 bigger transubstantiation that happened before the unmaking of the goddess’s name.

The mystery goddess was not just a goddess of magic but specifically, a witch goddess.

Anyway, the transubstantiations were these:

Her spellbook was turned into a coin.

Her familiar was turned into a plague.

Her sanctum was turned into a curse.

Her focus (a broomstick) was turned into a tree.

Her name was turned into something unknown before it could be unmade (this was the major transubstantiation).

Riz is also doing some investigation and on a 23 check, the main piece of new info he gets is that in the original alliance of Kalvaxus and the Nightmare King, the NK gave Kal a coin for his hoard to seal their alliance. They realize that they got Kal’s hoard but they don’t know if they got the exact coins he owned or just an equivalent amount of money. Riz also sees notes from the government of Falinel saying that Mom Abernant was doing this research for them with the promise that they would release Aelwen and restore their family to some level of prestige. When the government went back on their promise, she started looking into other people that could help her, like Garthy (and the government eventually found out).

Speaking of Garthy, back to Fig, Fabian, and Ragh. They try to persuade Garthy to come with them to help but Garthy is staying put. They do have some news though. Mom Abernant actually isn’t Falinel bound. She’s on the way to a town close to Sylvere (which the group kinda already knew but now they have confirmation and more specifics). The town is called Arborly and Fig actually knows someone who has a mansion (called Hollyhill) there who, while she was on tour, said she could stay there any time. With teleportation, they should be able to get there before her. Fabian has Garthy check their coins for anything fishy (looking at the aforementioned transubstantiated coin) but nothing seems amiss.

As they leave, they suddenly hear a weird rumbling and then something leaps onto Fabian and starts giving him rubber burn. It’s the Hangman! Gorgug continued working on him in Leviathan and we learn that he took a level in Artificer and was able to fix him with a 22, some help from Adaine, and a little of the wax Fabian got last season. He’s back! And he wants to shit in Chungledown-Bim’s mouth!

The next day, Kristen finishes casting Hallow with Tracker. She taps into some of the mystery goddess energy which seems like a questionable thing to do so very on brand for her. Ayda wants to come with them but she has to look after the library. However, she plans to shrink down the entire library, book by book, so she can carry it around and continue adventuring with the Bad Kids. Until then, she teleports them all to Arborly and the gates of Hollyhill.

Detention

Fathetriel for Being an Ass

Even Telemien thinks he sucks. Choke on grapes bitch.

Honor Roll

Gorgug for Fixing the Hangman

I’m going to be less than entirely predictable here any instead of giving Adaine this spot for the objectively clutch move of scrying on the Shadowcat by forcing a Nat 1 on her save, I’m going to give it to Gorgug for taking a level of Artificer and fixing the Hangman. It’s just such a sweet move. All this insanity going on around them and he took the time to figure out how to fix his friend’s bike/dog. He didn’t have to do that but he did, and in such an understated way. Plus, it totally makes sense for him being the son of two tinkers. I wonder if he can build that cell tower for Zelda now. This also seems like a good move story-wise because I feel like having these extra skills ups Gorgug’s potential for shenanigans/helpfulness out of combat a lot.

Random Thoughts

What did I say? What did I say at the end of last recap? I KNEW we’d gone too long without a Shadowcat sighting. I KNEW we were about to get wrecked!

Made a couple of oblique references to this in the recap but I’ll say it outright now. The gang is all level 9 now!

There was a LOT of lore in this episode so, if I got anything wrong and you notice, please tell me and I’ll fix it when I get the chance.

Sad to see Ayda go but happy that the Hangman’s back! I hope The Bad Kids take a page from Jester’s book and Sending her all the time.

Good on Fabian/Lou for letting Cathilda go in a move that was right for the story but objectively worse for the inevitable coming battle.

“I couldn’t have one nice day with my sister.”/”No.” (“He’s all the bad guys,” Siobhan says in a resigned tone.)

Speaking of the Abernants, I think Arianwyn is how you spell Adaine’s mom’s name which I am going to try and get used to before she shows up again and I have to type it 47 times. Also, very funny that Ally/Kristen learned the name Adaine and was like, “She is the only valid Abernant. I refuse to learn any more names.” Anyway, this campaign needs less elves and more goblins. Riz. Pok. Sklonda. Things I can spell.

I question whether the Mystery goddess is actually going to be an antagonist. Both because it seems like she got majorly screwed over by a bunch of uptight high-elves who have been nothing but trouble so far (sans Adaine and Hilariel to a degree) so I’m inclined to be on the side they’re not on and also because this was clearly a plot point written with Kristen in mind. So I guess the question is, is this going to be a temptation for Kristen or a safe harbor?

Did the curse on the NK’s crown get properly dispelled by Adaine’s mom? Wondering because of the whole sanctum being turned into a curse thing. Though, I guess breaking the curse could be what turned it back into the sanctum.

Lol at all the people in the comments questioning whether Brennan ripped his lore from My Little Pony when all the Moon goddess, sister goddesses stuff was being explained.

Did Brennan say how Hilariel knew where Cathilda was? She doesn’t have magic, she’s some kind of Fighter. Does she have Cathilda Magic Lojacked?

“Yes, The Ball! Feel it! Yes, Ball, skank!”

Hilariel, like Jareth the Goblin King, can contact juggle, which checks out.

I’m very curious about what Brennan has planned for Aelwen because I think Adaine offering to willingly fail a save so she could read her mind was a very clutch, “I had a week to think about this and you better believe I thought about it,” move from Siobhan and I don’t know why Aelwen would be hesitant to take that opportunity (besides maybe thinking it was a trap?) except for the meta reason that a quick reality check would joss some important story beats. I could be wrong but that’s just the vibe I got. Also if any of y’all are inclined to write the alt version of this scene where Aelwen *does* do that, def tag me so I can read it.

The vibe that was going on when Adaine and Aelwen was talking was fascinating. I kinda loved it? Like, they were still fighting and Aelwen was still being a bitch and Adaine was still super annoyed but it felt almost blunted? Like they were shooting at each other but with Nerf guns instead of AK-47s for a change. My read on Aelwen is that she enjoys having a relationship with Adaine, even if it’s antagonistic. I think that Aelwen would much rather fighting with Adaine every day than for Adaine to not care about her at all. It’s like the horseshoe thing, you know? Love and hate are much closer to each other than they are to indifference. Better to have her care about you in the wrong direction than not at all. Anyway, this is so the vibe that I was expecting from them when they linked back up post-rescue. Wish we had gotten a little more before she escaped but I’m really liking this plot thread.

Also, curious about how truthful Aelwen was being when she said she only joined up with Kalvaxus for fun and was counting on Adaine and Co. to stop them. And, while we’re wondering about things, I’m curious about what Aelwen’s previous relationship with Kalina was. Like, besides creating a diversion to steal the crown, how do the events of this season hook up with the events of last season in a way that explains the relationship? Or is it not related? What is the timeline of events here?

And was Kalina actually there talking to her do you think or was it more of a projection type deal?

Sidenote: I think Brennan is taking liberties with what Detect Thoughts can do (in this and especially last episode) but I think it’s a very good creative choice and it makes things a lot more interesting.

Also, gotta say, the way the plot ended up turning out re: Aelwen’s Escape was just *chef’s kiss*. Like, you had Fig bring up the ruby, unprompted earlier in the episode--reestablishing it as a thing that exists. Then they gave the spellbook to Gorgug. Then, Fig was the one who took up guard duty and she happened to switch up with Gorgug, giving Aelwen and, by extension, Brennan a perfect series of events to get her out of there. Wild.

This episode explains how the Shadowcat/picture thing is spreading but not where Riz and Sandra-Lynn got it from initially. Like, I assume Sklonda got it from Pok. And it’s very plausible Riz got it from one of them somehow but when would they have shared blood? That’s not a normal family thing to do. Did his dad give him a kidney or soemthing? I’m probably overthinking this.

Emily, I’m begging you. Please keep bringing up those rock and roll babies until Brennan is forced to make it plot relevant.

Speaking of, I was getting so many Night Yorb vibes from that mystery goddess “don’t speak her name” conversation and if the Night Yorb becomes plot relevant I swear I’m gonna personally make Brennan eat his dice.

“I mention everything to Tracker from now on.” You know what that is? Growth

I loved Fig saying “I don’t know enough about you to know if we wanna kill you,” to the Shadowcat by directly looking at Riz and him being like, “UMMMMMMMM.”

Gilear, wildly, was not mentioned once in this episode and you think he would have been since his girlfriend showed up.

I wonder if Fandrangool has better stats than the Sword of the Seacasters. I also wonder if I’m spelling that correctly. Doubt it.

“My vices rule.”

One thing I didn’t recap but should have were the dreams in the first episode and I feel like I should go back and watch them because they feel like they could become relevant any time now but that sounds like a lot. I’ll try and watch them before next recap though so I can connect any obvious dots.

Is there anything more pure than Murph cracking up at Emily’s shenanigans.

I have a note in my notes that says “Fig/Virgin” but it’s like that one gif. “Why am I gasping? I already knew that.”

We originally thought the Shadowcat didn’t want people to be able to see her but now it’s seeming like the opposite is the case. It looks like this is a systematic way to *force* people to be able to see her. If that’s what’s going on then that’s a brilliant reversal from Brennan.

Aelwen, when she gets her memories back, says something like, “Since I’m in a hot tub and you found what you found, I’m assuming you’re not gonna kill me this second.” And one, funny that she can’t even directly reference the one compliment she ever gave Adaine while in her right mind but also, the implication seems to be (at least partially) that she thought, “Let me say something nice about Adaine on this charm to buy me some goodwill so she doesn’t immediately kill me once she restores me,” which is so calculated and I kinda love it.

I had a conversation with drinkingdeadpeopletea while the ep was going on that basically went like: Me: They better watching Aelwen so she doesn’t escape. Her: lol she’s def gonna.

“Does your mom smoke cloves?”

The goddess’s familiar being turned into a plague and the thing going on with Kalina and being able to see her being like an STD and Goldenhoard presenting as a dragonborn but being an actual dragon and Kalina being a tabaxi and cats being the most classic familiar for witches and the goddess being specifically a witch goddess all feel possibly related to me, but that could just be my brain playing the association game and connecting things that don’t necessarily connect.

The fact that other characters (read: Fathethirel) read Fig and Ayda’s relationship as possibly romantic (in an attempt to mess with her of course, but still) and Fig reacted so strongly (well strongly and in that specific way because I have no doubt she’d also beat a dude within an inch of their life for messing with, say Gorgug or Adaine) is something I’m going to star for later. [Edit: Brennan clarified on the Discord recently that Ayda (or at least this version of her. Phoenix reincarnation and all) is 17 so y’all are all good to go shipping-wise). As is Tracker, by the by, but I think we were all pretty sure Brennan was keeping that above board.]

Siobhan’s face when Fig says that she’s “straight edge except for hallucinogens.”

“I’m gonna buy you an orange.”

This episode, Adaine, with advantage, rolled a nat 20 (the other roll being 1). Brennan got one natural 1 (though it wasn’t rolled, it was a portent roll) and Gorgug also rolled one Nat 1 but it’s important that I note it was for giving the Hangman an ass to shit in Chungledown-Bim’s mouth.

#fantasy high #fantasy high live #dimension 20 #fantasy high spoilers #dimension 20 spoilers

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nattikay · 4 years

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Just trying to sort out some thoughts, came here cuz not sure where else to do it. Might delete later.

So we’ve had Maisie for almost a week now an honestly, it’s...caused me a lot more stress than I’d expected it to. Don’t get me wrong, I like her, and I don’t plan to give her back to the shelter or anything, good gracious, no--but tbh I feel a little guilty for not being ~euphoric~ over the whole scenario, and I’m just trying to work out why.

Don’t worry she is being well taken care of! This is an emotional issue, not an ability-to-care-for issue.

I think some of it may have its roots in our old cat, Harry Pawter. We got Harry when I was around 9 years old and I loved him. However, being a child when we got him, I was never really super good at taking care of him; most of the animal care wound up falling on my parents.

Harry, for the most part, was a pretty good cat most of his life, but he started developing health problems around his last two years or so. By this point I was in high school, and for all intents and purposes should’ve been old enough and responsible enough to step in and help take proper care of him. But by that point, I hadn’t really formed those habits and...I never really did. Not as much as I should have. And looking back...tbh I feel really bad about it, and wonder if I didn’t love him as much as I should have, or as much as I thought I did. My dad would certainly imply at much when he got frustrated with the cat, and that...kinda sunk its way into my brain, I guess.

I’ve mentioned before that we lost Harry my freshman year of college, my very first semester. But I haven’t told the whole story, because well...I feel really bad about it. But maybe it’ll be good to get it off my chest.

See, Harry’s health had been declining for a while at that point (he was now 9 years old btw). He was struggling to keep himself clean and having more and more accidents outside the litterbox. My dad took him to the vet, and the vet suspected he may have had a brain tumor. All this was happening recently after I started my first semester of college, so I wasn’t home at the time, only getting this info via phone calls.

My dad didn’t want to pay for expensive tests and surgeries for a cat, so was considering putting him down. I was obviously not in favor of that idea, so we decided that we’d wait until I came home for Christmas and then discuss what to do about the Harry situation.

But we never got the chance. Around November, there was some sort of leak under the fridge or something (I don’t remember the details; again I wasn’t home at the time) and we had to get a lot of work done in there to fix it, which included having all the tiles completely removed and huge fans placed in the kitchen to blow away the ensuing dust. In order to keep Harry out of the way of the construction, we wound up regulating him to the screened-in back patio (and for further context: Harry had always been an indoor-only cat, and never showed much interest in going outside). Needless to say, on top of his health concerns, this construction and jarring change in environment was probably really stressful for him. One day, he found his way out of the patio...and never came back.

We...don’t really know for sure what happened to him after that. I like to say that he passed away rather than ran away, partly because he didn’t really have great survival skills and between that and his already-present health issues, well...I don’t think he would’ve survived long as a stray, and I prefer to imagine that his suffering ended as quickly and painlessly as possible. Even if he did manage to survive for a while then, he’s almost certainly gone now, given that he’d be nearly 15 by this point...but I digress.

All that said...idk, I guess I never really got any proper closure with Harry. And the more I learn about how to properly care for a cat, especially doing all the research I’ve been doing for Maisie...well, the worse I feel for him.

It’s not that we were bad owners, per se, and we certainly weren’t malicious in any way...but man, we could’ve done so much better. Harry was definitely overfed and undergroomed and we didn’t really know how to deal with his issues later in life...again, we weren’t malicious, but I think we were ignorant. I can’t really blame myself in the early years given that I was a literal child but by the time I reached high school and the like...idk I just feel like I could have and should have done so much better. I wonder how many issues could’ve been resolved if we’d been more attentive, more vigilant. Had been willing to put in more effort than just “meh fill up his food bowl twice a day and have Dad change the litter once in a while”.

And with all that considered, well...let’s just say I have doubts as to my prowess as a cat guardian. I want to make sure what went wrong with Harry goes right with Maisie and I just...idk. It’s just been a lot more emotional pressure than I expected it to be, even more so considering I haven’t yet quite formed the emotional bond with Maisie that I felt with Harry (not that I necessarily should have expected to at this point, given that we’ve only had Maisie for less than a week whereas we had Harry for nine years). But still.

And I mean, it’s not like taking care of Maisie has been difficult from an objective standpoint. It boils down to just feeding her (and making sure it’s the right amount of food), cleaning her litterbox, and playing with her, all of which are pretty simple and straightforward (well actually trying to figure out the right amount of food for her age and size has been a bit of a chore but I digress).

Again, it’s not the tasks themselves that are an issue...it’s, I guess, the emotional baggage, or something. Knowing that as my cat the responsibility rests squarely on my shoulders (as opposed to having Harry where my parents took up most of the tasks) probably contributes as well.

Probably doesn’t help that this was a rather sudden development as well. It was only a week ago that we even seriously entertained the possibility of getting a new cat, and now here we are. It all happened so fast, it...almost doesn’t seem real.

Then again, not much has been feeling “real” to me lately. But that’s a separate issue and one for my therapist. :P

I also, despite all objective evidence to the contrary, feel almost like I’m being a burden my bringing Maisie into the house. I know that I shouldn’t...it wasn’t even my idea. My brother made the suggestion, my mom endorsed it, my dad ultimately agreed. The whole family seems to like her, even my dad who is by far the least of a cat-person out of all of us has pet her and talked soft to her (I expected him to mostly ignore her).

But...well, ok, another (shorter) storytime. My parents, while they don’t dislike pets, have had enough of them to last their lives, especially after Harry’s troubled final years, which we kids (regrettably) did not do much to help with despite being older by then. About a year or two after we lost Harry, a family in our church was giving away a bunny for adoption after their two dogs didn’t take well to it. My sister, who has always loved bunnies, begged and begged and begged to adopt it, and after promising and promising to take care of it, my parents finally relented. Alas, the bunny did not wind up being as friendly and cuddly as my sister expected, and after a few weeks she lost interest in it, leaving the bulk of the care responsibilities to our youngest brother (who, to his credit, did pretty well...honestly he’s just pretty good with animals in general, of all types...dogs are his top preference but he’ll happily work with just about anything). Not long later, the poor bunny injured itself, and upon doing some research my parents found that bunnies rarely heal properly from that type of injury (I forget what it was exactly, again I was away in college at the time so don’t recall all the details) and that the most humane option was to put it down. We only had that bunny for a few months.

After that, my dad was (understandably) hesitant to bring another pet into the house, however hard we promise to care for it, cuz last time he relented he got burned and a poor bunny had to suffer. When he agreed to let us get a new cat, he included the (reasonable) stipulation that if it ever seems like we’re not taking proper care of kitty, he’s allowed to make the call to give her up back to the shelter.

Now, I have absolutely zero intentions of pulling a sister-and-the-bunny on Maisie, and I very much plan to take as good care of her as possible. But...you can see how there’s some emotional pressure there, yeah? ^^;

I feel like I have to be an absolutely flawless owner else I’ve let everyone down and proven that my promises to care for her were just talk. I’m afraid people will get mad at Maisie for doing Cat Things and I’ll take the fall and it’ll be assumed I’m not taking proper care of her because I can’t train her well enough. I’m afraid any inconvenience that naturally comes from owning and animal will by default get pinned on me, that I’ll be at fault because I’m the one who technically owns her, I brought her into the house, were it not for me we wouldn’t be dealing with Animal Inconvenience.

And yes I know that’s irrational...I know my brain is exaggerating and none of them really expect an 8 month old kitten to have flawless behavior or blame me for it and as long as I’m keeping her happy and healthy it’s fine...and yet...

I don't know.

Pressure, I guess. A big life change that happened pretty suddenly and it’s gonna take a little while for it to become the new normal...I’ve just gotta hang on until it does, I guess...

anyways...

R.I.P. Harry Pawter, 2005-2014

(last picture we ever got of him)

Maisie, I will do my best ;_;

(first picture I ever got of her...which, I am just now realizing, is similar to the last pic of Harry ;n;)

#vent #of sorts #just trying to sort out some thoughts mostly

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scaredofthebasement-blog · 5 years

Text

When Love Walks In - Chpt 20

Chpt 20 – Alex Calls Out Auston for his Playboy Ways and They Have a Heart to Heart

(Please note that I made a few major edits.)

Words 4971

Alex pulls up the chair to sit next to her brother on his left-hand bedside. She has to laugh when Auston raises his eyebrows at her, perplexed by why she’s fussing; inching her chair closer and closer to him.

“What?! I’m just trying to get as close to you as possible without actually getting in the bed with you. I don’t want anyone to hear what I’m saying”, She explains recognizing how silly it appears.

Auston shakes his head, thinking, So much drama. Frig! It’s like my life’s become a freakin’ soap opera.

Alex leans into Auston and whispers, “Oz! Hey!”

He turns toward her all dramatic-like as if he’s in a soap opera and mouths, Whaaa?

“Would you care to explain to me what the heck you’ve been doing? Frig, I leave you alone for a few hours, and you’re pouring on the charm for BOTH of your doctors?! Please don’t tell me you’re making moves on them. Have you fallen for Dr Wright too?”

Auston rolls his eyes dramatically and writes, “NO!!!!!”

Then what happened when I was gone that made her so…uhm…I don’t know, different?

“I was drawing emojis.”

“Okay? And...?”

He quickly draws, Mic Drop, No Clue and Bored Out of My Mind.

Oh! Alright, then. Those ARE pretty funny. I forgot you know how to do those. Ha! I love that ‘Bored’ one best. Funny! Good for you Oz! They both deserve a good laugh.”

Auston agrees, writing, “Yeah, it was fun watching Dr Wright’s reaction. Never seen her like that. She’s usually so serious. Very kind, great at her job, but she can be pretty intense. So it was a rush watching her walls come down.”

“Not to mention she’s pretty beautiful. Am I right? Huh? Auston?” She pokes.

“I’m not interested in her at all!” Auston writes in frustration.

“Okay! Sorry! Take a chill pill. But don’t try and tell me you’re not interested in Dr Quinn, cause I’m not an idiot.”

Auston blushes and rolls his eyes at her as he writes sarcastically, “Yeah, you got me, Detective. You should work for the NYPD, Alex.”

“Thanks. I’ll look into that. Law and Order, Special Doofus Unit”, She jokes.

Auston has to laugh at that one. He writes with a smirk, “Clever, I’ll give you that.”

Alex laughs, proud of herself for impressing her brother.

“Did Dr Quinn like your emojis too, Auston?” She teases.

Auston rolls his eyes. “As a matter of fact, Dr Q has seen me draw them before. She thought they were pretty funny. I now use them to tease her. She pretends to not be amused, which as far as I’m concerned adds to my amusement. They were both fun to watch cause it took them by surprise.”

“Yeah, I don’t imagine many patients can draw like that or would draw emojis for their doctors”, Alex laughs at the idea.

Auston adds, “I wish you were here to see it. BTW why were you so late coming this morning? You missed a lot of information, and now Dr Q’s going to have to repeat it all. But I suppose that’ll make her stay longer today, so I guess a ‘thanks’ is in order.”

“Well, as a matter of fact, Auston, I was finishing up that lovely job you gave me”, Alex says with disdain.

“Oh...”, Auston writes, pursing his mouth, regretting he even asked. He’s cautious as he detects annoyance in her voice. He thinks, Oh, Oh. This ain't gonna be good.

“Yes! I finally got through all your freakin’ social media, and you actually owe me TWO HUGE-ASS MANSIONS, definitely some KICK-ASS THERAPY and a month at a FULL-SERVICE SPA. Shit, Auston! You’re a dirty boy!” She speaks quietly but with a harsh tone.

“Yeah, I know”, he writes sheepishly. “I’m really sorry, Alex. I’ve been thinking a lot about what you might see on my phone, and I’m actually very embarrassed. I don’t like thinking about that ‘old me’, cause I’m not that person anymore.”

“Since when? And why?” Alex asks.

“Since being in here. I’ve had time to reflect and can see that I got caught up in an exciting playboy lifestyle that worked for my need to be selfish in order to pursue my career goals. But I don’t want that life anymore and I don’t want to be that person anymore.”

“Oh?” Alex questions.

“I want to be in a committed and mature relationship with Dr Quinn, even if I have to sacrifice some time spent on my career goals. I want Quinn. I want a relationship of substance with Quinn. I want a ‘normalish’ life with Quinn.”

Alex unloads, “Well, I’m very glad that you have resolved to change your ways, Auston, cause I had a whole lecture that I was gonna throw at you just now. I’ll spare you most of it but need you to know this: I love you dearly, but I won’t permit you to subject Dr Quinn to any of that cheap-ass shit you were engaged in with other women prior to your accident. If you even consider pursuing it with her, I’ll talk to Mom and Dad, and I’ll warn Dr Quinn. She deserves THE VERY BEST man in her life and from what my eyes witnessed, sorting through your texts and such, YOU have been VERY far from ‘BEST’; more-like, ‘Best Asshole’. I know why you initially went the route of being a ‘player’, ‘wheeler’, ‘hooking up,’ whatever you want to call it. I get it. It made sense back then. But that’s a life of absolute zero substance and completely shallow. Dr Quinn deserves substance and frankly at this point in your life, so do you.”

“I know! Trust me! I know that now!” Auston pleads.

“I really hope you do, Oz. You’re an amazing guy. You have so much to offer a woman and a relationship, and it would be a real waste if you keep up those shallow ways just because you live life in the fast lane. It’s time to move on and be a real man.”

“Alex. I get it. You’re 1000% right, and you don’t have to talk to Mom, Dad or Quinn because I can assure you, I am not the same person I was before my accident.”

“Go ahead, Auston. I’m listening…or reading, I should say.”

“Honestly, I don’t know if it’s because I almost died or because I finally took a beat to reflect but I’ve realized I’ve become a man in the last few years. Or maybe Quinn has made me want to be a better man to be with her? It could be a combination of all three. But I can assure you, every cell in my body wants to be the very best man that I can for her. To me, she is the most amazing person I’ve ever met. She thrills me. I can’t get enough of her. She means everything to me. I want to bring the same amount of joy to her as she brings to me”, He rationalizes.

“Okay. Good. And, Wow Oz! I really want to believe you will change, but it’s hard to break bad habits.”

Auston is determined to convince Alex he’s changed. “Let me put it this way, if I find out that someone with the ‘old me agenda’ is, or has moved on Quinn, (and I honestly can’t even let myself consider that possibility because it’s too upsetting), after I’m done taking care of that asshat, he will be in desperate need of another doctor. Do you get my drift? I know how I was, and I will never be that way again. I won’t tolerate anyone treating Quinn like a consumable, let alone me.”

“Okay, Oz, but please don’t go doing anything stupid to anyone. I’m very glad that you see the light”, Alex warns.

“Alex, I’ve never felt like this about anyone before Quinn. I’m absolutely bat-shit crazy about her. It’s like she’s heroin and I’m addicted. I’m a puddle when she’s around and a wreck when she’s not. I’m embarrassed to tell you that with the very best of intentions, I have done some desperate shit to get her to spend time with me.”

“No! Auston! What desperate shit did you do?” Alex panics.

“Well, for one thing, I almost died; but first I made her cry”, Auston confesses.

“What?! The hell?! Oz! What are you talking about you almost died? Again?! And you made Dr Quinn cry?! Are you crazy?!”

“Yes, Alex, I am crazy! Apparently, certifiable! I’m sorry to say; I did both. I was completely distraught after not seeing Quinn all last week. Then yesterday, she made it seem like she was going to be too busy to see me much this week, and it’s my last week here! Plus she started dating a fucking doctor-god last week! I call him Dr McDreamy cause from what I can gather from my research; he’s all that and then some.”

“Oh, no! Really?”

“Frig! It pisses me off royally! Quinn hasn’t dated since dinosaurs last roamed the earth, but she decides to take up with a fucking doctor when I arrive on the scene”, Auston laments.

“Oh, boy! That’s not good”, Alex reasons.

“Yeah, and BTW, Alex, you’re comments are not helping.” Auston points out, rolling his eyes.

“Sorry! But neither are yours! ‘Almost died’ and ‘made my doctor cry’. Shit! What a freaking mess, Auston! What did you do? Specifically!” Alex snaps back.

“I made her upset by making her think I doubted her promise to be there for me for the rest of my recovery. I also accused her of abandoning me last week”, Auston confesses.

“Auston! No!” Alex freaks.

“Yes!” He takes in a deep breath and sighs. “Oh God, Alex! I know! I’m such a mess! But I needed to remind her of her purpose for being a doctor in the first place - to be there for her patients. You know? For people like Josh. So she’d be there for me.”

“Oh Auston, that’s some off-base shit right there. She IS there for her patients! She’s been incredibly dedicated to you! To Mom, Dad, Bre and Me. 24 freaking 7, Auston! Last week, she didn’t even know you were struggling cause Dr Wright didn’t tell her. She had a medical conference to attend, and she had meetings. She checked up on you every day with Dr Wright. And tell me you did NOT bring up Josh’s name. Did you?!”

“No! I could never be that cruel! I know she’s been there for me. I just wanted her to come around this week so we could develop a relationship. Otherwise, she was going to be spread too thin. I needed to make sure I got a chance to find my way into her heart”, Auston explains as his heart pounds and his blood pressure rises.

“I know, but still, that was selfish and entitled behaviour, Auston”, Alex lashes out.

“I know it seems that way. I just didn’t feel like I had any other option since I go home next week. I saw a chance, and I took it. It devasted me to hurt her like that, and I ended up getting so upset that I choked on my congestion. I couldn’t breathe, so she had to suction me. It was scary as hell, Alex”, Auston tries to make her understand.

“Auston! Oh, my God! I don’t even know what to say right now”, Alex blurts out in frustration.

As Alex sorts through all the information Auston has spilt on her, Auston sits, staring down at his hands, feeling anguish; conflicted and berating himself for being selfish.

After what seems like forever of nothing, Alex blurts out, “Not cool, Oz! So not cool! Frig! What if Mom and Dad find out?”

Auston nods in agreement and immediately falls apart. He is distraught. Tears start to flow down his face.

He starts coughing.

Oh shit, here I go again!

Alex sees what’s happening and tries to do damage control. She jumps up from her chair and pulls Auston into her arms. Alex whispers in his ear as she rubs his back to comfort him. She knows she was too hard on him in his vulnerable condition. She’s upset with herself.

Alex desperately attempts to calm him, “Hey, Hey, Hey! Oz! Shhhh. It’s okay. I’m sorry for being so harsh. You’ve been through so much. My words were severe. No one knows what it’s like to walk in your shoes. But I can understand. When I think about it, I absolutely understand. No need to cry, Oz. I completely understand why you did what you did. You were desperate. I get it. Anyone in your situation would feel the need to do what you did. It’s all good now. Dr Quinn’s good. You saw her earlier this morning. She seemed really good. Please calm yourself down, so you don’t choke. Please, Oz. Get yourself together, okay? I support you. I want what you want. I want her for you too. It was worth it, Oz. I can see that. What other choice did you have? Please suck it up, Oz. Swallow. Take relaxing breaths. Okay?” She pulls away to let him catch his breath and reaches for tissues to try to dry his face. He grabs hold of her arm so she won’t leave him.

Auston continues to cough. He swallows. He keeps coughing. He keeps swallowing. He squirms as he tries to gain control and feels like if given a bit more time, he will be okay. But when he starts to choke and wheeze, Alex sounds the alarm.

“Jacqui! Nurse! Doctor! Auston’s choking! Help! Hurry!” She yells.

Auston is disappointed. He really thought he could get it under control without the need for the Suction. He wants to be able to master his secretions.

Jacqui is at Auston’s side in seconds. She assesses the situation and grabs the Suction as Alex tries to move out of the way as best she can with Auston’s death grip on her arm.

Auston extends his free hand out in front of him to signal for Jacqui to stop and shakes his head ‘no’. He wants more time. ‘No suction yet’ is his clear message.

Jacqui stands down, watching as Auston continues to cough and wheeze. They both encourage him to relax, focus on drawing in breath and coughing.

It takes about 30 seconds until Auston has caught his breath; for all three of them, it feels like an eternity.

Jacqui tells him she’ll stay in the room until he feels confident that he’s got things under control.

“What brought that on?” She asks Alex.

“He was upset about something we were talking about”, Alex explains.

“Oh, I see. Well, maybe you could change the subject to something a little cheerier. But at the same time, getting upset is bound to happen, and this is a great opportunity to learn how to manage the secretions – which you did! You actually did great Auston! Really impressive; you managed to stay calm, and you fought through it. You’re showing great progress, and that’s what this week is about”, Jacqui points out.

Auston nods with a smile. He is happy with what he just did there.

“You okay now, Auston?” Jacqui asks.

Auston nods and gives a smile and thumbs up.

“Then can I have my arm back bro?” Alex begs with a relieved giggle.

Auston lets go of Alex’s arm and holds out his hand for some tissues to wipe his face.

So since you feel comfortable now, I can step out and leave you two alone for a few more minutes as it’s almost time for Dr Quinn to come and oversee the 11 am procedures. Great job, Auston! You too Alex!”

Auston gives Jacqui the thumbs up, and mouths ‘thank you.’

“Yes, thank you so much, Jacqui!” Alex calls out.

Auston grabs the board and marker that Alex picks up off the floor for him. He writes, “Thanks, Alex. Sorry you had to see that. It’s scary when it happens, but I felt confident that I had it under control.”

“Ha! Yeah, Bam Bam, you’re vulture grip on my arm made me feel really confident too”, She teases. “Seriously though, it’s upsetting but you did a great job and I’m sorry I distressed you.”

Auston writes, “It’s ok. I know Dr Quinn will be here shortly so I want to tell you privately, that it may sound bad, but I’m glad I did what I did because I got Quinn to commit to coming to see me every day this week for Talk Therapy.”

“I thought she already was doing Therapy with you? You told Mom and Dad that she was.”

“Yeah, I know. I lied about that. Please don’t tell Mom and Dad! I just needed them to leave me alone with Dr Quinn, but they wouldn’t let go of the therapy issue. I told you, Alex, she’s like an addiction! I would do anything to be alone with her. I needed a chance for her to get to know me.”

“I understand why you can’t tell Dr Quinn how you feel right now. She’d have to stop being your doctor. She would never abuse or risk her position by allowing an obvious attraction. You can’t go losing her as your doctor. You need to be careful.”

“Exactly! I want Dr Quinn to work with me cause she’s the only one who could possibly resurrect my voice. The good thing is she wants to work with me cause I represent her ‘dead boyfriend’ and winning the ‘Stanley Cup’.”

“Auston! Hold the phone! Surprisingly, I get the reference to ‘her dead boyfriend,’ being Josh, but you’ve lost me at ‘winning the Stanley Cup’?! What the hell are you talking about?!”

“She told me that for her, saving my life was like making the Cup Finals and that restoring my voice would be like winning the Stanley Cup.”

Alex points out, “Well, if anyone could relate to an analogy like that it would be you.”

“I know, right?! And how can I deny her the chance to win a ‘Stanley Cup’?” He jokes.

“Ha! Yeah, you’re so selfless, Auston”, Alex mocks.

“Yeah, I know. So now we’re playing games. I’m playing ‘Avoid the Danger Zone’, and she’s playing, ‘Ignore the Elephant in the Room.’

“Neither sound very fun, Oz.” Alex adds, dryly.

“Honestly Alex, worst games ever! I’m pretty sure I’m losing my game, where I try to hide how I feel about her, so she doesn’t have to stop being my doctor. But I’m making out okay so far because she’s acing her game; where she absolutely refuses to acknowledge to herself that I’m interested in her.”

“Do you really think she knows how you feel about her?” Alex asks.

“Yeah. I think she must have picked up on some clues; subconsciously anyway. She’s brilliant so I don’t know how she could miss them. But she’s also either really good at making it look like she doesn’t know or in fact doesn’t know. I’m at a loss, really.”

“Do you think she likes you?” Alex asks.

“Well, yesterday, she accidentally told me that she liked me”, Auston reveals with a blush.

“What?!” Alex gasps, excitedly.

“Yeah. Dr Quinn let it slip in a conversation saying, ‘so that’s why I like you so much’”, Auston can’t help but smile.

“No way!” Alex freaks.

“Hey! Don’t act so surprised!” Auston jokes.

“Ha! Sorry! I’m just really happy for you. What did YOU say?” Alex asks.

“I teased her in a light, friend-like way, cause I don’t want to force her hand. But it could be that’s how she meant it. I’m not quite sure if she’s interested in me as more than a friend or just someone that thinks, ‘I’m a wonderful person’”, Auston explains.

“She said ‘you’re a wonderful person?!’” Alex jumps.

“Yeah. But I swear if you’d been there, you wouldn’t know how to take it. She brushed it off as something anyone would think if they knew me. Honestly, Alex, it all seems like a mind game that I’m sure she doesn’t even know she’s playing. She just won’t go there; won’t let herself acknowledge it.”

“Cause then she’d have to do something about it. Right? She’s smart”, Alex reasons.

“Yup. That she is for sure and very stubborn about pursuing her goals.”

“Sounds like someone else I know”, Alex points out.

“Huh? I’m not stubborn like Quinn”, Auston denies.

“Oh, you think? You’re kidding, right?” Alex calls him out.

Auston considers the idea and then concedes, “Yeah. You’re probably right. Ha! I suppose we are similar in that. We’re like dogs with a bone.”

“Probably one of the reasons why you like her so much”, Alex guesses.

“Love”, Auston corrects her.

“Oh, sorry. “Love” her so much”, Alex exaggerates, rolling her eyes but secretly thrilled.

“Got to call it what it is, Sis. I’ve never been in love before so when you’re in it, it’s a big deal”, Auston informs her.

“But she’s dating, huh? That’s a big problem, Oz”, Alex points out.

“Yeah. I’m assuming this Doctor McDreamy’s my direct competition. So that’s what forced me to challenge her; so I could set up another game that I’m calling, ‘Day by Freaking Day’.

“Wow! Oz! Worst game title ever!” Alex blurts out.

“Ha! Yeah, I know, right!” Auston admits.

“So how do you play?”

“Well, as the name implies, I spend time with Dr Quinn during the day, let her get to know me and hopefully endear myself to her. Then she goes out with Doc McStuffins at night, and she realizes she likes me better. That’s the only chance I have. So every moment I have with her this week is precious.”

“Ha! Oz?” Alex questions.

Auston looks at her curious, Huh?

Doc McStuffins is a girl”, Alex giggles.

Auston laughs to himself, writing, “Oh. Ha! Well, let’s hope Dr Peters is a girl. That would help my cause.”

“Or complicate it?” Alex jokes.

“Yeah! Ha! I suppose so.” He chuckles.

Oh! Before Quinn comes back, I want to ask you for another favour. I want to get her a special gift to thank her for everything she’s done for me.”

“Awww. Sweet!”

“I’ll get something for the others as well, but I want to get something extra special for Quinn, and it will need sourcing.”

“Okay?”

“You’ll need to go see the Jeweller that we use in Yorkville. Get him to source out the items cause there is no way he’ll have them. No restriction on price but don’t tell him that. Get him to text me what he finds and the cost.”

“Sure. What are you thinking?” Alex asks.

“If you look in my bedside table you’ll find a piece of paper where I’ve listed specifically what I want. The sooner you can get them, the better, but I understand if it might take a bit.”

“Okay”, curious, Alex heads over to the other side of Auston’s bed to get the paper. She pulls out the note and reads it. A smile washes across her face. “Wow, Auston! Looks like you put a lot of thought into this. You’re a real sweetheart. She’s gonna love them.”

“Good! I want the gift to touch her heart.” Auston smiles, pleased with himself and excited for the day that he can give them to her.

“Thanks a lot for looking after this and me. You’re a saint!” Auston gushes.

Alex acknowledges Auston’s gratitude with a smile. She puts the slip of paper in her purse and pulls out Auston’s cell phone and places it on his bedside table.

“I almost forgot! Here’s your cell phone, Oz. I did up a blurb for your social media accounts. I texted it to you. You’ll need to review it, make any changes you want and send it to Judd for approval.”

“Oh, wow! Thanks, Alex! Great! I really appreciate everything you have done for me. I think I’ll keep you around.”

“Well, after your social media crap, I think I’m retiring as your sister”, Alex teases.

“Ha! Sorry. But I need my big sister. You’re stuck with your dumbass little brother forever.”

“Yeah, don’t I know it. All joking aside though, I also got distracted and forgot to tell you, there are a couple girls texting you that seem to think you were about to make things serious before your accident.”

“What? No! Who? Names?” Auston writes, clearly upset.

“A ‘Bridget’ and a ‘Chantelle’. Were you going to ask them to be exclusive?”

“Hell No! I specifically made it my practice that prior to each hookup, they understood and agreed there would be no strings. I learned that lesson the hard way and you know that.”

“Yes. Well, they both appear to have magically changed their minds and they are very concerned about you since your accident and want to be here for you.”

“Together?!” Auston imagines what that would look like.

“No, not together, Dum Dum! But they both indicated in their texts that they have come to the hospital trying to get in to see you; each saying she is your girlfriend. But security stopped them cause they weren’t on the list.”

“Oh shit! Can’t you just tell them I died?” He writes, half-joking.

“Auston, you need to text Judd and get his advice on how to say adios to these women. Can you do that in the next few days? Or do you want me to call him and I’ll just tell him there has been a misunderstanding and you’re not interested in pursuing any type of relationship?”

“Yeah, can you do the second one you mentioned? Please. I don’t have the energy and I trust you can deal with it based on how you helped me a few years back with Rebecca”, Auston begs.

“Sure. Hopefully, these ones will go quietly into the night.”

“Thanks, Alex. Keep me in the loop. They were fun and beautiful women but I’m not interested.”

“Oz, you’ll also need to wrap up your old life with all your hookups. You’ll need to tell them all goodbye”, Alex advises.

“Please get Judd to do that on my behalf. Tell him I can’t even talk for god-sakes.”

“Okay. I will. And...Oh, you also need to figure out who is going to stay with you while you’re home recovering, so message Mom and Dad tonight.”

“Will you stay with me? Can you?” Auston pleads.

“Really, you want ME? After today?” Alex questions.

“Yes, especially after today. We’ve been through a lot. You know me better than anyone. You’re my confidente, biggest fan and best friend. I trust you, and I enjoy your company. If you would like to stay with me, I’d love to have you.” Auston tells her.

“Well, thanks, Oz! I’ll seriously consider it. I enjoy living in Toronto. I also have been waiting for the right time to tell you that I have been seeing a guy from Toronto. I met him here at the hospital in the waiting room. His father was in the Intensive Care Ward when you were there.”

“No way! So something else great came out of my accident? What’s your boyfriend’s name? How old is he? What’s he do? Do you really like him?” Auston gives Alex the third degree.

“Whoa, Oz! Yes, I really like him a lot. I actually feel like I’m falling in love with him”, Alex says as a smile lights up her face.

“No way?!” Auston writes.

“Way! His name is Adam Lang. He’s a Toronto Firefighter. He’s actually studying to be a Captain. He’s 33 years old. Never been married. Has a golden retriever. Lives in the ‘Beaches’. He treats me like gold. He’s smart as hell and a jock. He makes me laugh, and we never run out of stuff to talk about or do. I know you’ll hit it off”, She tells him excitedly.

Auston smiles and motions for Alex to come in for a hug. He squeezes her tight and kisses her on the cheek. Auston is so happy for her. He knows she’s seen her share of heartbreaks over the years with two serious relationships that didn’t last. He always worried about her happiness and hoped she’d find a good guy.

They pull apart, and Auston writes, “I want to meet him! Bring him by.”

“Really? Even though you can’t talk yet?” Alex asks.

“I don’t care. I have to meet him. I have to make sure he’s not ‘a player’.” He writes, teasing and adds a winky face emoji.

Alex rolls her eyes and laughs. “Oh, he’s not ‘a player’ at all, Oz. He’s a fan. But not the Leafs. He’s a Bruins fan!”

Auston’s mouth drops open in shock as he raises his head to the ceiling mouthing a silent scream of “No!!!!!!!!!!!!” (See Gif at top of the page for the type of reaction). Then he grabs his marker dramatically as he writes and emphasizes each exclamation point with a flourish. “No!!!!!!!!!!”

Alex laughs.

After a minute stare down, where Auston tries to determine whether Alex is messing with him, Auston writes, begging, “Alex! Please tell me you’re joking! It’s not nice to be mean to someone in the hospital.”

“Just a little payback for how you treated Quinn. You’ll have to wait and ask Adam when you meet him.”

Auston writes, “Well played, Alex! Well played! I deserve this.”

They both laugh and high five each other just as Dr Quinn enters the room.

#auston #auston matthews #auston matthews fanfiction #auston matthews imagine #nhl #nhl imagines #hockey imagine #imagines #fanfiction #imagine #love story #nhl fanfiction

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

Text

Sick Kids Group Chat

sonmychest: 🤗 tigerbalm: 👋🧡 tigerbalm: it's been so long! 🙀 how are you?? sonmychest: I know! I suck sonmychest: don't want to be the youtuber spending ten minutes apologizing for not being here though sonmychest: I'm doing pretty good right now, how are you? 😚 tigerbalm: it's a bad day, not a bad life...is what I would caption if I was an instagram influencer or something 😸😸 brainpain: 🦸 speaking for me when I haven't streamed in days LOL sonmychest: 🤭🤭 sonmychest: at least we have reasons for being that #extra that aren't the vague notion of NEEDING a break from taking pictures of our ☕ brainpain: I do spend LOTS of time in a dark room but not for 📸 no flash photography PLEASE 😵 inandout: your feed just updated, Lo brainpain: 👮🚓🚨 sonmychest: stalking or hacking? sonmychest: either way I might need those expertise brainpain: I had a 🌈✨🧁 FIGHT ME, Zachary tigerbalm: it is pretty tbh inandout: friend request, but it's not as if I don't have zero hacking or stalking skills sonmychest: wait, what happened to the anonymity rules??? sonmychest: where's @gotspoons and what have you done with her?! inandout: you missed the overthrowing of a tyrant inandout: not really, but the rule book is gone gotspoons: going to pretend I was summoned by mention, not notification gotspoons: say how you really feel, Zach! 😔 inandout: I said not really, rowboat gotspoons: I have 👀 and 👂 everywhere so you better be nice 😏🤭 gotspoons: but no, hi again, @sonmychest! we missed you! gotspoons: it seemed the whole no names no real life details thing was more of a hindrance than a help to the whole goal of this group, so we came to the conclusion by majority, and the higher ups were all okay with it, providing everyone under a certain age got their parents to sign off and we all used the same common sense we use on other areas of the web gotspoons: so feel free to introduce yourself by real name if you would like, but it's not necessary if you would not 😊 gotspoons: reintroduce, I should say tigerbalm: we shared selfies & everyone was 😻😻😻 brainpain: learned what a sex god @tooexhaustedtolivevicariously aka Rich is sonmychest: 😱😱😱 sonmychest: can't believe I've missed so much sonmychest: need to get better at socialization, my mammy is right 😂 brainpain: an unrivalled love story brainpain: not that he's here to back me up on that inandout: Paris and Helen who? Romeo and Juliet who? Anne Boleyn and Henry VIII who? tigerbalm: wait, those are all 💔😿!! brainpain: he's being a brainpain: insert a swear word of your choice sonmychest: *stage whispers* it's not jealousy though, is it? sonmychest: clearly, fill me in on all the nuances whilst I frantically try to find a picture of myself that's even one 😻 brainpain: he's a 👶 you already know brainpain: but Rich will be leaving me for some uni girl 🤓 so he's not wrong about the doomed part sonmychest: face that launched a thousand ships is a really great insta bio though sonmychest: right, so we have Rich, Zach...who else? gotspoons: Rosie here 🤗 brainpain: Lauren tigerbalm: & me, Robyn inandout: the new girl who started the revolution is Zelda inandout: @ihatemyguts sonmychest: no way sonmychest: a fellow nerd, or at least child-of-a-nerd sonmychest: 'cos I'm Kara and I don't totally hate this photo [selfie] tigerbalm: 😻😻 tigerbalm: you look so like I imagined you, except I thought maybe you'd be 👼 tigerbalm: should we all send new pics? brainpain: [does because any excuse] brainpain: they'll be buried tigerbalm: [a selfie that's even shyer than the first one she sent] gotspoons: [the same photo as before] inandout: if I must [some ridiculous selfie] tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: This is a nice welcome back tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and I've only been to physio brainpain: NOT ready for another selfie drop from you, boy brainpain: I'll be on my fainting couch brainpain: also hi tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Perhaps I should save your 🦴s and my pride when poor Kara, hello again btw, has to pretend to swoon too brainpain: 🦸 has great taste brainpain: we all love a shy boy tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: My teachers undoubtedly wish I were shy, make their lives a lot easier tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: [a photo] here we are anyway, I hope you found a soft surface suitable for you, Lauren brainpain: ☁ tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Ah, so you're the 👼 brainpain: LMAO 😈 brainpain: but you're looking angelic sir sonmychest: how are you ALL so cute sonmychest: this keeps happening, omg tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👼 face hides a multitude of 😈 sins apparently inandout: but reading between the lines, who else is making you swoon/stalk/hack inandout: that's my question tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Well spotted, Zachary 🔎 sonmychest: 🙈 ugh, I'm so embarrassing sonmychest: but we can pretend it's all spilling out now because I played it SO cool in the actual conversation, right 😬😅 inandout: that's the official story, everyone'll confirm sonmychest: thanks, I need the backup so I can also pretend I have lots of friends and a normal social life gotspoons: we are your friends, Kara! gotspoons: though are normal is different from most tigerbalm: & you're coming to my birthday party & even though you have to stand on the other side of the room to Zach, it's still social tigerbalm: OH & we were talking about potentially meeting up!! All of us brainpain: keep it 6ft, children inandout: I'll be in the garden with my date, you can have the indoors with yours inandout: collectively, because we're all speed dating here now inandout: proud of you for picking someone outside this circle sonmychest: GAH so much exciting information today!!! sonmychest: 😁 sonmychest: obviously, I figured no one needed the drama of me falling for you, Zach sonmychest: 💀 not cute inandout: there's already a book and film about it, the chance has been thoroughly missed brainpain: Ignore him, Zelda's nothing but thrilled to find someone else in her age bracket brainpain: 👶👶 brainpain: hit us with your 💞 please sonmychest: well, I didn't just re-log into this chat today, I went on all my old forums because well, boredom, we can all relate, right? sonmychest: what I thought would be the least promising one was the sonmychest: not a dating site, I'm not 100 but you know the kind sonmychest: anyway, the CUTEST boy starts talking to me and he's also really funny and nice ??? tigerbalm: OMG! Did you swap selfies there too? sonmychest: not yet sonmychest: because he sounds so 😻😻 sonmychest: and he wants to talk to me again and he might not if we do tigerbalm: you're 😻😻😻 Kara brainpain: what she said brainpain: + if he's as funny, nice, all of that, as you said brainpain: I doubt he's a shallow jerk inandout: are you a good judge of character or not? inandout: what it comes down to sonmychest: oh, thank you guys! sonmychest: I don't know sonmychest: I think I am sonmychest: he didn't immediately come out with weird requests or weird 📸 of his own and that's a massive start on that site, I was honestly there to 🗑 my account but he changed my mind brainpain: I'll PM you the spooky stories my sister sends me about guys, it'll make you feel better brainpain: you'd know if he was one sonmychest: 🤭 do, can compare notes sonmychest: we honestly just talked about totally normal, nerdy things, it wasn't even a little sketch brainpain: ✉️ + 100000000s brainpain: hold up tigerbalm: that sounds 🧡 & so does this boy tigerbalm: awwhhh sonmychest: [sends the description he sent her slow your roll gal lol] sonmychest: assuming he isn't the archetypal internet weirdo from the 90s scare tactics tigerbalm: WOW inandout: tall, dark and handsome inandout: original sonmychest: okay, I know that covers a lot of bases sonmychest: but someone has to be brainpain: continuing to ignore you, Zach sonmychest: I get it though sonmychest: it's not like I even care what he looks like though, so even if the pics aren't exactly that description brainpain: not every man can be my Rich but doesn't make them 👹/🤡/👻/👽/👥 brainpain: trust your gut, it's not that body part that's failing you tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👹 is a solid representation but the hair needs to be longer tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: at the risk of making myself or Zachary appear like overly protective boys, I think as long as you're as sensible as you surely are with this, then there's no harm in the back and forth tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: so if you were going to meet this person IRL, he could perhaps come to the group meet-up, that would be a good way to do it? brainpain: *🧝🏻 that's what needs to be said about your representation tigerbalm: Great idea, Rich! 😺 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: when the beard comes in I'll look more Gimli than Elrond but I'll take the compliment 👽 babe from outerspace brainpain: who's watching the LoTRs with me? gotspoons: count me out, I'm the worst film buddy ever 😴 ihatemyguts: how many naps could you have in 20hr28mins assuming we're watching everything extended release 'cos duh ihatemyguts: 🥳 go hard or go home 🥳 brainpain: that's you in ihatemyguts: of course ihatemyguts: long since stopped asking for a pause every time I gotta 💩 ihatemyguts: adept at catching up with the plot is a life skill I didn't expect to gain like this but 🙌 gotspoons: 😅 I could do the whole 20hr28mins and that not be a record for how many hours I've slept consecutively brainpain: I'll act it out for you, I can get the 🧝🏼🏹 costume together during the pauses brainpain: dressing up box runneth over sonmychest: 🙋 dibs Arwen sonmychest: my old Katniss cosplay can be repurposed with some bedsheets and a 👸 vibe to it brainpain: that makes Rich your daddy 👀 you, babe sonmychest: 😖😳 nooooooooooo brainpain: I'll be Galadriel if only so I can speak to my man telepathically 💕 brainpain: swerving off book for that love connection ihatemyguts: obviously eye of sauron ihatemyguts: jokes write themselves inandout: hair of a hobbit wig so likewise inandout: and you know, a jew, gonna be the one to handle the 💎 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: How hairy are your feet, a pickup line that doesn't get thrown about enough inandout: not sending you free feet pics inandout: PM for prices though tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Respect the hustle, Zachary tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but I have clearly pledged myself and my allegiance to an e-girl already 🧝🏼🏹 brainpain: changed my Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim name to Galadriel for you, Richard, you've officially made me basic brainpain: will cite it in the divorce tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: as long as I can proudly produce said divorce to every mouthbreather that calls me a freak, I am okay with that tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: devastated, naturally 💔 but okay brainpain: hit me up for multiple re-marriages at your convenience, I like that for us tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Make a solid livestream 👰💒🤵 gotspoons: I'll get officiated! tigerbalm: imagine if any of us actually did get together cos of this forum gotspoons: You never know, Robyn gotspoons: it would be so adorable 😊 tigerbalm: Kara is giving me hope that online dating doesn't have to be a minefield sonmychest: don't give up yet! sonmychest: you're so lovely, a total catch tigerbalm: there still isn't a blushing 😸 emoji & I NEED it ihatemyguts: a travesty ihatemyguts: who do we need to @ for that brainpain: @fibrofog brainpain: he was a BIG DEAL ihatemyguts: 😏 hoping he comes back and I can 👰💒🤵 him obvs brainpain: 🔺 between me/him/Rich was prime in my life ihatemyguts: glory dayz brainpain: if he doesn't show up to stop our first wedding ihatemyguts: Zach won't even properly date me until we're confirmed #foreveralone at 18 inandout: you don't call this properly dating? inandout: @Kara you've got yourself a hater before your romance has fully taken off ihatemyguts: oi, don't drag me in to your 🧂 behaviour ihatemyguts: I'm very nice, I swear inandout: that's just how I taste inandout: she knows brainpain: if I didn't know my CF facts I'd be calling for a ban brainpain: that sounds filthy sonmychest: first declaring Rich my daddy, now 👅 Zach 😲😲😲 sonmychest: I'm also quite nice but not that kind of nice, I 🤞 tigerbalm: I don't think I wanna know.... inandout: But I'll tell you inandout: when we sweat, we lose too much salt, one of our many flaws inandout: on a hot day, you could lick us and taste it, if we like you enough to let you sonmychest: maybe that can be enough of a selling point? sonmychest: if crush boy talks to me again and it invariably comes up inandout: he might get to see it crystallise on your skin, not 💎 or ✨ but hey sonmychest: such a sexy condition, when you leave out all the mucus inandout: ZZ top is feeling it, she wants to properly date me ihatemyguts: 🧂 is a flavour I can enjoy pretty unrestricted ihatemyguts: let me have some pleasure tigerbalm: do the normies flirt like this too? tigerbalm: Kara you'll have to tell us, when you go further undercover ihatemyguts: don't know how lucky you are to have that pickup line in your back pocket ihatemyguts: just add tequila and a lemon and you've got a good time sonmychest: I'll 100% report back, providing he doesn't go 👻 brainpain: you need a drink when a boy lovingly strokes your hair only to feel the dent in your 💀 sonmychest: but also, to work out if your amazing hair is real or nah brainpain: I have too many split ends to be asked if it's a wig sonmychest: I ✂ my own sonmychest: and not often enough 😅 brainpain: don't reach for the bleach cos Robbie sees you as a blonde, there's my sisterly/old lady advice sonmychest: oh God, with these brows? sonmychest: I can swear I won't do that, along with meet up with internet randos alone brainpain: I'd volunteer to come along but I don't do disappearing into the background brainpain: would wear a trenchcoat for the right 💸💸 gotspoons: Normies definitely TRY to use our disabilities as a way to flirt with us, with varying success gotspoons: the amount of time I spend in bed is nothing to be 😏 about, honestly gotspoons: even if I was also chiming in to confirm blondes do have more fun, when they've had all their vitamins, a perfect amount of sleep, the stars have aligned JUST right... 🤭 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: as resident ♿ user, they most ask if IT 'works', which is a bizarre level of care for people who aren't concerned about how me getting into their establishment really 'works' tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and, my dear, you are a terrible third wheel tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 🔻 suits you better than obscurity 😎 brainpain: but I am a fun time with the TBI having increased the impulsiveness + removing the few inhibitions I did have 😉 brainpain: inappropriate sexual activity is a listed symptom 🤞 boys ihatemyguts: definitely a case of 'okay when I point it out to embolden myself, creepy if you do it' ihatemyguts: think some normies point out their flaws to be endearing but idk, is low-key a disability superpower guys, + 1 for us brainpain: like, what does that mean? Inappropriate for who? Answers on a ✉️ please ihatemyguts: could range from, science, you're being a prude to calling you a master criminal on the low brainpain: so many of my symptoms could describe anyone in their teens or early 20s brainpain: Rich, write a smart boy uni essay on it tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: depending on the bit that gets damaged, could be the same part that isn't yet fully developed in young people tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: checks out 🧠 brainpain: you're SO clever brainpain: you'll be fighting off more than one 🤓 girl tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I'm not sure about that, on either count tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: though the chair is a useful battering ram when it needs to be brainpain: I'm into it tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: then you can hitch a ride, of course brainpain: reserved™ tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: the parking is unparalleled brainpain: not allowed to drive, you are my transport now, no pressure gotspoons: Me either, who can? gotspoons: need to work out the carpool situation brainpain: my housemate will, she owes me 10000s of favours inandout: + my parents tigerbalm: mine too but they're a lot to inflict upon anyone sonmychest: ^^hard same tigerbalm: maybe we get ourselves there unless someone can't? tigerbalm: & those people speak up sonmychest: That makes sense to me brainpain: ok, is there anyone who needs a lift? ihatemyguts: I'm good tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: likewise gotspoons: I'll make a permanent post where people can register interest in the meet-up, as well as need for a lift gotspoons: so anyone who can offer a lift, can respond there too, sound good guys? 😊 inandout: cool inandout: very un-tyrant like gotspoons: thank you, Zach 😏

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gothalbinoangel-fanfiction · 4 years

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@dangara2610 replied to your post: Sick Psychoanalysis of Upset Peeps

Oh, I want to read that fic ? Where is it published ? Or, may I have the link? Also I kind of agree, men, Varian went way too low , but I can deny he made grow sympaty and remember all those (real life) kids and minnors in jail and wonder how can we really get them out of that scary mentality that made them commit their crimes , like... Had they their meals in time ? When the body is not well nurturished the brain tends to take the wrong points

(Old Corona and its crops were wasted , so it made me think about how much was he eating) Grief un-respected or even not comforted from family or friends (yeap, Baymax quotes xD) , he dealing with a loss and no body visiting or trying to cherry him up all this time until he visited Rapz also may had something to do. He stated in the letter with the scroll that he was being spyed / harassed , so, more hate induced insecurity .

But even when I grow sympaty thinking in those points , I was still angry at some fans xD , I ranted about " please stop excusing him for everything, you'll become like those typical people out in jail claiming that your sweet child/love of your life / friend almost family did nothing wrong but yes! He did wrong and it cant go unpunished , rehabilitation is needed and you need to take a step on earth and realize forgiveness is not that efective until he snap it out "

Something like that :0

I like you. Because you’re absolutely right. In media, especially multimedia platforms, there is always a message. Writing, especially, almost always has a message behind it. Old Corona was in ruins, and Varian was trying to find a way to fix is. Before Queen For a Day, it feels like Varian understands that Rapunzel is the princess and has to look after her kingdom. In fact, he watched his own father outright deny that anything was wrong in their home, despite how people were suffering. It’s understandable he would be in a panic, since the king wouldn’t help them, Rapunzel wasn’t aware of how bad things had gotten, and his father wasn’t asking for help. He was looking for a way to destroy the rocks and for all he knew, his father was gone forever.

It’s understandable that he would be grieving and would place blame. He can’t blame his father because Quirin was conveniently stuck in the amber. He does make mention in Secret of the Sun Drop that King Frederick ‘villified’ him, which actually didn’t happen until Varian had committed treason. However, he turned his sights on Rapunzel as the reason he’s suffering. While this is technically true, the way he goes about it is all wrong. His actions, mannerisms, and word choice indicate that he thinks it was a plan all along for Rapunzel not to help him the day of the snowstorm and for everyone to keep him from her.

Misplaced Blame (here’s the link btw, I’m gonna be cleaning it up and adding chapter two when I’m over being sick) doesn’t go into what got Varian to this point (because the show does), but you’re definitely right on the real life correlations and how Varian’s home life likely had a role to play. But I also mentioned that he had other ways of contacting the princess. He could have gotten word to her about what was happening without sending her on a dangerous mission in his home. If he could send a message via floating lantern, he could have easily requested her come and find out what happened. All it would’ve taken would be him explaining to Rapunzel how his dad got that way and her going to confront her father about it. The rocks were making their way toward the palace, so Frederick couldn’t have hidden it forever. Varian’s role was to speed up Rapunzel finding out, but they didn’t have to turn him into a villain to do that.

Doing things the way they did practically excuses attempted murder (because I’ve zero doubts they probably made him a ‘good guy’ again in Season Two or Season Three). No, attempted murder is not the way to go about things, but it also can’t be overlooked. He tried to kill people and not even for good reason. He was going to crush them just to ‘take away’ what Rapunzel loved. Yes, he was upset, but he still knowingly and willingly committed treason on at least two separate occasions. Considering the circumstances, he could have had a lighter sentence, but he still would need to spend the time in prison confronting what he did wrong. At the end of Misplaced Blame, I make sure to show that Arianna and Cassandra don’t actually want Varian to be cold and bitter, Cassandra wants the lovable dork she knew back.

But insta-forgiveness is not the way to make someone understand what they did wrong (as you pointed out). They need to understand how it was their fault and properly atone for that. I doubt the writers did anything that significant, though, so no, I’m not going to sugarcoat what he did and I’m not going to treat him as some ‘smol precious baby who did no wrong’. I want my lovable dork back. I’m infuriated that they made him into a villain the way they did. But I’m also not going to just ignore the stuff he did as a villain just because I want my lovable dork back. This isn’t me getting angry at people who write fics where he’s not a villain, or fics where he gets redeemed, or fics where he doesn’t become a villain at all. They’re perfectly in their right to do that. I am the last person who would be upset at someone for writing those kinds of fics, because I do. Hell, I have a few story ideas where the whole black rocks thing isn’t a thing at all (because it was a stupid plot and I want my lovable dork), so I’m not mad at people for doing that. But someone can’t get angry at me for not sugarcoating or excusing Varian’s actions, because he did that and he needs to face some sort of consequence for it.

#replies #I even mention IN THE FIC that they KNOW he's still a child #BOTH OF THEM aren't proud of how they acted in the cell #Arianna even thinks about how it's partially the king's fault #I took very great care while writing the fic #I didn't want to excuse anything #but I didn't make anything up either

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transadvice · 5 years

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i just,, don’t think i am?? this makes zero sense i’m sorry especially because i’m coming to a trans advice blog for advice but i don’t think i want to transition. there’s some (few but existent) things i like about being female and while male would be,, better? i don’t see myself being trans if that makes any sense at all. if i could pick at birth i’d pick male - no hesitation but i’m never gonna be able to go back in time and make that happen i feel like i’m just making a big deal of nothing?

Thanks for writing back. The anonymous question format (and my often late replies) mean I don't usually get a chance to dialogue with people.

What you describe is really similar to the way I felt for quite a long time. Almost 20 years, in fact (about twelve or thirteen years old, all the way to 30). So I completely understand the place you are stuck in right now. I think it's great you are tackling it now. Whether you ultimately decide that you are trans or cis, or you don't know and you want to wait awhile and think about it later, the work you're doing now to figure yourself out is valuable and important.

Let me try to unpack some of what you've said. ALL OF THESE are things I said to myself at one time or another, btw.

"If I could pick at birth, I'd pick male, but I can't go back in time and make that happen"

This right here is what makes me think you are trans.

Cis people don't want to be another gender. Cis doesn't mean "wants to be another gender, but doesn't go for it," or "wants to be another gender, but suppresses it," or "wants to be another gender only a little." Cis people really don't even want it, even a little bit.

It is desire to be male that makes you a trans guy.

Whether you think you can do anything about it? Irrelevant.

(Also, you can totally do something about it. When and if you want to.)

"There are a few things I like about being female, while being male would be better"

You don't have to hate everything about being female in order to "qualify" as a trans guy. It is enough to think that being male would be better.

In other words, you don't have to be miserable to be trans. You just have to feel that being a different gender would make you happier. (Even if you're already pretty happy.)

Again, cis people don't think that they'd be happier as another gender.

"I don't see myself being trans"

Most people don't, at first. We are brought up by cis people, in a cis world, with the assumption that we'll be cis. It's no wonder most of us have some disbelief or denial about that not being true.

"I don't think I want to transition"

"I don't want to transition, therefore I must not be trans," is a line of reasoning I'm really familiar with. The problem is that the causality doesn't really work that way. You don't decide whether you're trans based on whether you think it's feasible or desirable to transition. You just are trans, or you're not. If you're trans, transition might help you be happier or more comfortable, but it's not a requirement. Tons of trans people don't transition, either because they don't want to or they can't.

As one of my mentors is fond of saying, "Trans without transition is still trans. Trans with doubts is still trans. Trans with fears is still trans."

The question of what transition might mean for you and whether you want to take some transition steps is another whole discussion, but I think you might benefit from learning a bit more about the process to demystify it for you. Right now it seems like a big, scary, confusing thing to you. Before you decide you don't want it, why not do some more research into what it means?

* Talk to some trans people about their transition experiences. What did they change, and what difference did it make for them?

* Learn the differences between social, medical, and legal transition.

* Make a list of specific things that you think would be better if you were born male.

* Try some steps that are reversible and low-consequence, such as going by a masculine name and he/him pronouns in a video game. What gives you euphoria?

"I'm making a big deal of nothing"

You are not. You are trying to understand yourself and to be the happiest and most fulfilled and most "you" person you can be. This is the most important stuff in the world. Your happiness is important. Your personhood and sense of self are important. You are important. This is important work.

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inhalareexhalare · 5 years

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Dianne Is so Awesome but She Might Freak If She Saw Me Post About That/Whatever the Hell Is Happening to Me

I managed to speak with more confidence over the phone with my boss, Dr. Seth. And then I initiated a long conversation with Ms. Dianne that lasted for almost an hour until my boss arrived so we each had to return to our work hahaha

So many stories! I admire her capacity to be patient with people and her capability to keep conversations bright without sacrificing her own feelings. She is driven to be truthful to people, and not just the if-I-am-asked kind; she has the initiative to tell you things that she feels bothered about in you, but with genuine compassion that you don’t feel attacked at all.

She knows how to balance yourself with other people. She knows how to balance teamwork with self-improvement. Most of all, she never allows an external, material, temporary thing to be a basis of motivation. She believes in having a real sense of purpose.

She is the kind of girl who lives in the company of people. She thrives in it.

I admire how she can balance the energy of a conversation (I made sure to let her know this). She doesn't extinguish the negative parts, but she balances it out with her own positive energy. Allowing other people to remember to heal themselves in the process. Spreading a remembrance of hope.She does all this, and she does it without knowing. I can tell she enjoyed trying to really answer why and how she does it.

I don’t have to thrive in it, but I’d like to be able to at least develop it as a skill, so I can also bring people up.

She believes in positive reinforcement, in motivating people to get better by themselves, rather than punishment that might work short-term but in the end kills what matters most.

That is true. I should do my best too.

2019-01-15 10:08 Philippines Friday

To Karu:

i have a letter for you and it contains a bigger perspective to whatever the hell it is that is happening to me

i'm so sorry

After sleeping alone two nights in a row, (the first night with my blood vessels boiling, figuratively, from who knows why, after Karu announced he’ll be away to a beautiful place) I just heard from him (he called me just now) and I felt so...cold. Like, dead cold. I was bitter. Monotone. Indifferent.

I can very easily tell you about my loneliness, reader, and although I won't expound on it I can very easily give some trusted friends a primer about it, but Karu is different. Somehow I feel so restrained to do that, and it's something I'm doing to myself.

I feel so desperate to hide it. It reminds me of how I maintain an icy poker face when others used to bully me (and gave up soon enough because I was indifferent). Is Karu a bully to me? I don't think so. But it's there. The fear of revealing more than I am comfortable to.

So here’s what I found out, in letter form for Karu to read (o my lord i am so sorry you ended up with a person like me who has low understanding of her own emotions):

Why am I so bitter to you

when we speak?

It’s like I don’t want to show

the loneliness inside me

in front of you

I fully enjoy everything

else that is happening

but your voice reminds

me too much of something that I long for

and, in self-dialogue, the second part:

that makes sense.

bitter is a plant

that is taken cared of poorly

but you’re not a plant, are you?

you’re the number one care you have

so be okay with being lonely

be kind to yourself

water yourself as often as necessary

you don’t need to fear yourself

anymore

Also me, to Karu:

(he needs help to prepare gig clothes for tomorrow, so i’m probably the one available to do just that. he also said he’d be there with me tonight, but even that possibility is something i’m avoiding right now. i’m too scared to hope when i’m on bitter/sulk mode.

i usually enjoy doing stuff for him but i’m still transitioning from feeling bitter... it takes work. i won’t give up!)

is it oki if [lobo] gets some snack later? i know it's not good to indulge but i might get pissy and stuff doing laundry and getting pissed for no reason haha

From Karu:

Yassss! Although the only thing that needs manual washing is the white button down

To Karu:

unless i get too lazy to bring laundry bags to the laundry shop of course hahaha i honestly think that's more likely to happen XD

my sulky mode needs a lot of working on, and i won't give up, so that might change but this is my mood right now haha still trying to transition properly

From Karu:

It's okay. I can take the stuff to the shop. If I get home early, I should also be able to cook

[Karu] gonna take care of sulky [Lobo]

Will gib hugs toooooo

To Karu:

:< thanks

From Karu:

It all gud. I just have to get home hahaha

That’s exactly the hope I’m avoiding right now I’ll just let him read this entry later...

From Karu (cont’d):

Do we haz laundry funds?

[Karu] is gonna get paid tomorrow ehehe

We will also try to start surviving on 200 pur dei

To Karu:

yes

okiii

From Karu:

Awesome heeheehee

Pork steak, yes?

To Karu:

....*•-•* nod

To be honest, I only ever use this awkwardly-self-made-but-too-accurate emoji with Karu. My poker face has zero capability to do this face (or any other emotional face) but the feeling tends to only apply to Karu.

From Karu:

I'll go see if we can go that route today If not, I'll just think of something else hahaha

Upper limit for food is 250 and lower limit is 150. So I guess we eat less now when we get carinderia food hahaha

Lez get you some art materials and get me some goddamn lessons and yaw yan

Would you like some paint to play with?

Oh fuck I gotta change my strings soon btw. Maybe April or June :)

To Karu:

let's find pout i guess. eating less will probably help me appreciate food more. anything in excess makes us feel sick.

Yaw Yan's good.

painting materials are crazy expensive though

From Karu:

Pout?

To Karu:

out

punintended

freudian slip

lof yu

From Karu:

We can save up for art stuff :)

To Karu:

morp

I notice that Karu isn’t using the “:))” today. Change of brain?

or maybe it’s just the mood.

I’m stopping here, it seems to be irrelevant now lol

2019-01-15 10:50 Philippines Friday

Feeling these things, I was about to do a last-minute ditch a.k.a. escape from my (previously initiated) informal lunch date with the big group of secretaries today, until Dianne reached out her hand to me.

She actually didn’t, but I swear, that was what it was like to me. All she did, really, was beckon. I don’t even think she did it consciously/purposefully. But that. That evaporated all the doubt that I had left of joining them for lunch.

Her hand in my mind, reaching out for mine. And I took it.

It is good to have good friends. She knows a little about my social anxiety since I told her about it this morning to celebrate and explain my celebration, of my progressing confidence in front of Dr. Seth.

That was what led to us having a long conversation. Halfway, I was almost losing attention, but I willed it on. It was just my fear that was trying to pull me out.

And I made it okay. We made it okay. Her hand, my hand.

I can’t give up now.

This is also training so I can reach out to people who might have similar struggles as myself.

2019-01-15 13:49 Philippines Friday

Aaand he's not home.

Well, I expected as much. It still stings a little though.

It seems he forgot it's Friday again. I get out of work an hour earlier than usual every Friday.

Actually, I don't even think he's coming for dinner tonight. I'm tired.

Guess I'm getting my own food and doing the laundry, then play some mind fucking games later. That should prep me up for tomorrow's story writing.

2019-02-15 18:04 Philippines Friday

Then again, life is only filled with uncertainties.

If I can't even embrace this, I've no right to pursue something as weird as psychology.

(Though I'd only apply this mindset to myself. Tough love works with myself most of the time. If it's my own voice HAHA I'm such a prideful creature.)

Speaking of psychology, what if I happen to unconsciously use Karu at this point in time as a hiding place from myself? My bitter/sulk mode as well as my nighttime separation anxiety are both based on fear of being alone to myself.

Alone with my thoughts. My ultimate chaos. My infantile order. I can't escape order for too long and hide in my mess of chaos. Order is in order. It won't do to just have chaos. I have to systemically know myself.

I didn't know Karu before, but I already had these things a long time ago. I always knew it never was Karu's fault or mistake, but could this be something closer to the truth?

I truly love him, but sometimes I feel weir. Maybe in those "sometimes," I use the warmth of our togetherness as a form of escapism.

Remember the letter I wrote earlier today?

"You don't need to fear yourself anymore."

The last line. I was worried at first that it didn't fit in my poem, especially that my head and hand just sort of spat it out there unconsciously. I seriously considered whether to delete it,

but I couldn't.

A slip of the pen?

I feel like I am closer to my personal truth. If you feel or think though, reader, that something's amiss or inconsistent with my observations and analysis, by all means please share your insight.

For now, I'll keep note of this.

To begin with, when I first was infatuated with Karu, my intention was just all him. He interested me very much. He is my first love. (I'm really lucky to be with someone as willing and patient as him. He isn't patient at all for most things, but he is when it matters.) (I always had a hard time being in love with others. I was indifferent a lot before. I had a sexual crush on my adopted older brother at age 5, and then a mutual crush with a high school close friend that I turned down because I got bored when he confessed. I know, I'm fucked up. But those are tales for another day.) Annnyway. And then I transitioned into the kind of sober love, where it felt like a deep ocean where my infatuation before was just a puddle.

But it never changed the fact that my intention was to make him happy. To love him. To give him affection, attention, and care.

I mean, who enters a relationship thinking, "I want to be with you to become a better person."

NO ONE does! But we all should!

With the all-for-the-other mindset we have, we risk destroying ourselves and even the other in the process.

It's all very romantic and courageous and admirable to have so much passion in caring for another, but forgetting yourself is setting both of you up in a pretty ugly loop.

Point is, getting into any kind of relationship just so you could celebrate not being alone anymore... Sends quite an important message.

You're uncomfortable with being alone with yourself.

You are who you end up with until the end of your life. Might as well learn to love this self.

It's important to take care of your social life, but you need to be doing it for the right reasons.

But don't worry, and don't punish yourself. It wastes time. When you find yourself in misalignment, reconfigure, and start over.

It's never too late, as long as you have breath and you have mind.

Stay Alive, everyone! Never stop learning.

I have feelings. That are unpleasant. That I look for other things that might take it away. But they're never taken away. Only hidden.

It's only now I realize (again), I've been trying to banish something important in me. These unpleasant feelings were treated poorly by myself. I didn't give them enough time. I'm too impatient, too afraid.

But now I remember. To let things go, you've got to let them in first.

Change usually involves more of involvement rather than stepping back.

And besides, learning to be comfortable with who you really are? I'd think that's the true, real love.

2019-02-15 19:13 Philippines Friday

I got to open up a bit about how I am sad to Karu last night.

Also, it's been a while, so I knew he was bursting. I helped him release.

Of course, that made it easy to thaw my ice. But I'd like to be able to learn how to show him more of my loneliness with more willingness.

#chrono7 #social #dianne #balance #self #reflection #quote #progress #mission #marriage #poetry #bitter #sulk #sad

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bladeoftruths · 6 years

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Fate/stay night [Heaven’s Feel] 1. presage flower - Ren’s review

Alright, it’s been a long time since I reviewed an anime, let alone an anime movie, but dang, this movie is the sole reason I got into fate series. I even get to invest myself into Unlimited Blade Works (the ufotable one, I aint gonna touch the DEEN version ever], Fate/Zero and even tried the visual novel just for the sake of gaining the full main Fate experience.

Without further ado, everything is under the cut for viewing pleasure.

For starters, Heaven’s Feel (HF for short) route is preferably enjoyed if you played the visual novel firsthand, especially after you completed Fate (Saber’s route) and Unlimited Blade Works (Rin’s route, I’m gonna call this route UBW for short). Because this route carries a bunch of stuff from the previous two routes. If you start from this route, it’ll leave you confused. Like, really.

Also, the visual novel has stuff that the anime adaptation left out but if you’re not the person to spend hours and hours playing visual novel, then you’re only left with the OG Fate/stay night anime (the 2006 DEEN version, adapted Fate route btw) and the UBW anime by ufotable (came out in 2014). I personally haven’t seen the 2006 F/sn anime bcos I heard bad stuff coming from the original adaptation (cough cough). On the other hand, the UBW is quite good (bless ufotable for their splendid direction, but I’ll save my praises for this studio below) and I personally like it because of Shirou and Rin >:3c

Anyways, onto the main point.

Story [10/10] - Not trying to be biased just because this route is my favourite story-wise, but I love where the story is heading. I like how the director, Tomonori Sudou, change some parts of the story to make the beginning of the route less boring contrary to the VN.

The temple attack, where originally in the VN, Shirou and Saber heads there to investigate only to find Team Caster wiped out was removed to give a more unsettling feeling.

The ‘wet dreams’ scene, I must say, it’s very ‘interesting’ in its own way. Without adding the explicit scenes, they are able to execute the scene in an ‘interesting’ way. I honestly prefer this version compared to the censored version and the explicit version in the VN (I just replayed this route for the good ending with the H-mod on and I honestly cannot stop laughing bcos of how unconfortable this scene is, even though it was a scene involving Rin XD).

I also love how the movie begins with how Shirou and Shinji’s friendship got ruined, and how Sakura met Shirou. It’s a nice touch to see how things begin. And the scenes involving Shinji and Shirou fighting makes it feel so heartbreaking. Also, I love how the movie adaptation really makes the story feel like it revolves around Shirou and Sakura.

I also love how the story concluded with a bittersweet cliffhanger; Shirou returned injured and Saber disappeared, brief scene of Rin looking terrified as she discovers the underground room at the Matou residence, Shinji prepping up for that certain scene in the next part, and Illya bracing up for her next move.

Art [10/10] - Ahh yes, more praise for Director Sudou, who’s also in charge of the character designs. I like how smooth the artwork is, and bonus points for ripped Shirou bcos, heck yeah, he is ripped (the VNs, though inconsistent when it comes to him, but there are scenes where they reveal a peek on his ripped body >:3c), contrary to the UBW adaptation where they make him look slightly lean but fit.

Also, Sakura is so lovely here (fun fact: she’s the director’s best girl), and Rin, contrary to UBW, she looks more cool and less-dorky to set her aside from being the main girl (but she’s still the core cast of the series).

I like how some of the gritty scenes were made even more gritty here to reflect how dark this route is. Like, they show all the thrown out organs and stuff and reveal them like no tomorrow. I’m not a fan of gore but hey, can I say it’s ‘cool’?

Animation [10/10] - Hoo boy, where do I begin? I have too many praises for ufotable, send help.

Smooth animation, epic VFX and compositing, improved photorealistic lighting and utilizing 3D into 2D animation. Dang, can I apply an internship here?

I’m really a sucker for all this cool cheese. The battle scenes’ animation are especially stellar, as always from ufotable. I cannot say anything much beyond this. Also, some of the daily life scenes, like the part where Sakura was cutting vegetables, it was smoothly animated. I can see that they’re really working hard on.

I can praise a thousand times to Ufotable Digital Team for improving their VFX and compositing. This is my absolute favourite thing about this studio. I can see how much they improved ever since they worked on UBW anime. I’ve seen a few clips of Tales of Zestiria the X and Katsugeki Touken Ranbu and dang, they’re really showing it here at long last.

Anyways, I want to praise them for the Lancer VS True Assassin scene. I like how they integrate 3D for the backgrounds and camera with the 2D animation for the fight scenes. It was really cool.

Music [10/10] - I don’t usually concentrate much on the music while I’m watching it, but when I listen to the OST first hand, I can really feel it.

Yuki Kajiura did a great job setting the mood for each scenes. Some of the melancholic scenes makes it feel so heartbreaking, and the last scene almost made me cry because of the music. I hope she returns for composing Part 2 because recently, she left her agent. The ending theme, which was sung by Aimer is quite nice. I like how some of the tracks for the movie were a remix from the theme itself. I’ve loved her songs since I listened to ‘Rokutousei no Yoru’ (no. 6′s ED theme) and this one is among her best of recently, after Brave Shine (UBW anime’s 2nd OP theme).

PS: Somehow I want Kalafina to sing the next movie’s ending theme but we’ll see. (given the recent news that one of their members left the group...)

Overall, my verdict is:

10/10

As a fan of this route, it was a great adaptation so far. I really like where this route is going, and I really can’t wait for Part 2, which will be even more interesting as that part will focus even more secrets of Sakura. I ain’t spoiling what they are but you’ll just see it for yourself.

Alright, I guess that’s it for my review. See you in Part 2 - Lost Butterfly (next year, bcos I doubt it’ll be screened here)

#fate series #fate/stay night #ren reviews stuff

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mistresstrevelyan · 7 years

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Mass Effect, BioWare, Anthem, CDPR and the Open World Dilemma

Okay, I’m gonna put my gaming industry hat on for this post, make of this what you will.

When Skyrim came out in 2011 its massive scope was perceived as an RPG game changer, something I frankly do not understand because both Morrowind and Oblivion were huge and the Might & Magic series (6,7, 8) did such open worlds way before any of these games was even imagined, let alone developed. But I believe that Skyrim selling 20+ million copies, a number RPGs can usually only dream of vs. behemoths like FIFA, Sims, COD and so forth was the actual game changer in this case. Somehow dev studios failed taking into account that what is keeping Skyrim and its TES buddies in business aren’t huge areas but a modding community that spread its wings with Morrowind and has grown ever since.

None of the games inspired by Skyrim’s success has that or offered its modding community the tools to make it happen, not even CDPR/TW3. But Persephone, you ask, didn’t TW3 hit that magical sweet spot that the others (DAI/ME:A) did not? Well, yes and no.

Before we take a look at why TW3 made the formula “work” while the others didn’t, let’s look at the corners they actually had to cut to do it:

1) They almost got to Oblivion like levels when it comes to having the same dude voice every male NPC ever (Blackwall’s VA, btw) who isn’t a main player. Honestly, LISTEN......he isn’t just Caleb Menge & CO, he is everywhere.

2) The repetitive flavour chatter is beyond terrible. I’ve heard Indie games with more responsive/varied NPCs.

3) SEVERE limits on NPC models, there are quest NPCs having literally the same faces & clothes as another quest’s, it’s THAT BAD. Even some MAJOR quest NPCs were created with these.

4) They pulled another Oblivion by casting Charles Dance and giving him ZERO to work with. A bloody waste.

But why/HOW did they make the open world work while the other two struggled with the concept?

Well, for one, it’s lightning in a bottle, tbh, I do not believe that their huge areas were that much livelier than DAI’s or ME:A’s BUT the side quests being spread out well and being far more fleshed out helped mask how empty that game actually is outside its main hubs. Were it not for Gwent & the boards, I’d prolly never visit those tiny villages again.

Then, and it MUST be said, they have a MASSIVE fanbase united in the goal of seeing that game succeed, for various reasons.

Additionally, CDPR courted the press, its PR team posted up a storm on any user voted award ever, no matter how obscure. Because stating that a game won hundreds of awards makes it sell, plain & simple.

Also, it is FAR easier streamlining a story, decisions and branches with not just a set protagonist vs. DAI’s and ME:A’s widely unique created protags based on the player’s ideas but also set MAIN CHARACTERS. It’s basically the Baldur’s Gate formula applied to the Witcher universe. The fact that the author of the novels openly scorned the games was drowned out by the fanbase. A fanbase unwilling to admit that TW3 fucked with the lore so badly that main characters like Radovid, Yen and Triss were written into stereotypes CDPR applied to appease its target audience.

Would said audience CARE that huge decisions made in TW1 and especially 2 were retconned or flatly ignored? (IE the mage massacre at Loc Muinne, saving Princess Adda, saving Anais, siding with Iorveth & Saskia, the very existence of Shani and Yen.....) Or that TW3 introduced characters from the novels that assumed their history with Geralt was a known given while it clearly didn’t translate as such?

Does CDPR saying that Cyberpunk 2077 will be far more massive than TW3 ever was excite me? Honestly? No, it doesn’t. Will they catch lighting in a bottle twice? I doubt it. Will their fans drop them once/if that happens? No, not right away. Because they are currently the darling of the industry, all the while entirely unaware that this deification is setting them up for a spectacular fall sooner or later.

But what about BioWare, you ask? They’re currently licking their wounds, pouring everything they’ve got into Anthem and, to a lesser extent, DA4. They do not have the luxury of a fanbase or a public that wants their games to succeed, quite the opposite, in fact. As I see it, they either come back from this as the RPG Masters I know they can be or shift focus entirely if DA4′s reception is as toxic and brutal as ME:A’s was. Honestly though, I believe both of these games have potential. But while we know nothing of DA4 as yet, will Anthem’s open world approach be equally divisive as DAI’s was? Only time will tell.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that BioWare’s main issue is that they went after a design trend that hasn’t worked for them very well since the BG Saga. I think DAI is a masterpiece, esp. with its DLC and IMHO ME:A had untapped potential but.......I’d like to see these devs go back to what they know best. Bethesda with its open world grandeur, BioWare with its story packed semi open world hubs and CDPR......well, it’s clear what they’re trying to do.

Anyway, those are my two cents on the issue.

#Dragon Age #Mass Effect #BioWare #CDPR #Persephone chatters

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invinciblerodent · 7 years

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Tbh I'm reaching a point where I'm like, fuck the bioware fandom. They adore characters like Solas and Jaal but treat Liam and Vivienne like shit. Cora also gets a bunch of needless hate. They call Blackwall a rapist, which (as an assault victim) I find trivializing. Treat Sebastian Vale like a religious fanatic who wants to burn Hawke at the stake for being a mage. It's like they can't view anything in layers and if they don't like a character they will invent reasons to hate them.

Well, I’m not so sure about speaking in such general terms, but without a doubt, it is a difficult line on which most BioWare characters are dancing.

If you’ll excuse me for a second, I’m going to get real preachy with you for a second. Please, just bear with me on this one. I’m not going to promise that there is gonna be a point, but if you don’t mind, I’m going to rant at you for a minute. :)

When one is creating any sort of media product intended for large audiences (such as a big budget, AAA video game such as Andromeda or Inquisition), simplicity and complexity are... pretty heavily weighed against each other.

I’m gonna try to explain that.

Since there is the obvious analogy about a proverbial chain being only as strong as its weakest link, most things designed for wide appeal tend to be simple, they tend to stick to convention, they tend to make use of one’s confirmation bias, and not require one to put their aforementioned English Major/English Class hats on, or stepping outside of one’s comfort zone.

And many studios and developers still think of their audience, of that “one”, as a homogeneous mass of 13-25 year old, straight, white guys. This sounds a bit like the anti-millenial bullshit old journalists tend to spew in their impotent hatred towards anyone younger than them, but.... as much as this hurts to admit, there is a kernel of truth in that contemporary media, especially video games, are still very often treated as frivolous, simple entertainment, even by their own audience. (Hence, “it’s just a game” arguments.)

On the other hand, we on tumblr -myself included- tend to have a real boner for analyzing every single line, every syllable of every word uttered in our entertainment. Not only do we have our English Major hats, but also Social- and Media Studies hats, we become a bunch of part-time literary analysts (which I think is SO COOL), and try to look into the media we consume.... potentially (or most likely) deeper than many developers and studios intend.

The thing about BioWare is that... there are very few people who bother to think about the games they produce and consume both as products of contemporary entertainment media, and art. As a piece of literature. As something to analyze and criticize without denying its merits completely.

There are few who stop to think about Blackwall’s obvious 10+ year struggle with immense guilt, self-loathing, and obvious depression which made him believe himself unworthy of friendly- or romantic affection. (Btw, I’m so sorry you were made to feel that way. You definitely did not deserve any of that, and frankly, I don’t even understand where that claim came from? This is a digression, but seriously, someone please point me to an instance in which Blackwall doesn’t ask, and then wait diligently for explicit permission, initiation for, or enthusiastic participation in any physical contact. I’ll wait.)

There are few who stop to consider that when he makes the Big Controversial Claim, Sebastian’s home of god knows how long had just gone up in flames in front of his very eyes, consuming the woman who was a mother in place of his own in a flame of -in his eyes- self-righteous fury.

There are few who stop to think about Vivienne long enough to see just how gentle and caring a soul she is, if only you bother to show her that you are deserving of her kindness, and that you aren’t holding a dagger behind your back, just waiting for her to turn around and let her guard down.

These characters are very nuanced, they are written with so much care by people who Know Their Shit, and I feel even their hearts must bleed when they see what oversimplified, generalized opinions make of their darlings.

Because it is human nature for us to seek what is simple and convenient, especially in our entertainment. It is human to seek what is black and white, and for us to look at shades of grey, and push it one way or the other depending on our preconceived notions. It’s just how our brains look to eliminate uncertainty.

Which is, of course, an explanation, and not an excuse.

I know it’s disheartening. I definitely understand that, and I know it is so much easier to just not bother to write thinkpieces, to think deeply about stories, and just in general participate. I wouldn’t want anyone to do anything in their free time that they find exhausting or annoying. I get it. But I implore you, and everyone reading this, to not give up.

How else am I supposed to rain my long and ranty pieces on just how amazingly strong and sweet Sera is and how hard she is trying to understand things that had been denied her, is or just how much I appreciated that Liam was allowed to be angry without him devolving into a gross stereotype.

And for real fuck Solas tho. Jaal is a sweetheart and I don’t want to drag him into this because he is a character with his own merits, wouldn’t even mention him on the same day as Solas if I could help it because I think they have absolutely zero things in common, but, y’know, fuck Solas.

#at first I wrote BiWare instead of BioWare #oh I just wish #personal #in which Mom gets preachy on you about modern media #while eyeing a stack of uni readings on an adjacent topic #I'm supposed to be studying for a network communication exam rn #seems like that might not be happening tonight after all huh :)#Anonymous

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