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sunshine-jesse · 5 months

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The Incest End is Not The Bad End, Part 3: The Only End I Know For Real

Alt title: We're roleplaying the endings, not choosing them.

I've focused a lot before on how sickly sweet the chemistry between Ashley and Andrew is and how unproblematic their relationship would actually be under different circumstances, mostly societal ones. I mostly did so to counter the idea that the incest end was primarily a bad end and bring up the assertion that it was the one with the most hope. In doing so, I basically interpreted all of the text within the game in a very positive light, giving off the impression that I think it'll be all sunshine and roses. The reality couldn't be further from the truth? While I think it's the end with the most hope, I ALSO think it'll be incredibly difficult for everyone involved.

As a matter of fact, I think the Questionable end will be the most difficult one to navigate through for Ashley herself.

"But wait," you say, alarm bells ringing in your head, "doesn't she literally fucking die in the Decay ending?"

And I don't think it's that obvious.

First off, why do I think the Questionable end will be difficult to navigate through? After all, Andrew is calm, collected, and Ashley is just a little bit nervous about how he's changing. She also has that ultimate leverage over him, knowing that he's sexually attracted to her and she can use it to keep him by her side. There's little for anyone to worry about, right? Well, no. Not really. As another analyst has pointed out, in the Questionable ending, Ashley has no OTHER leverage over Andrew.

The trinket? Shown to be only situationally useful to them. The future visions don't always show danger, sometimes the demon can just troll them. Sleep? No, he no longer needs Ashley for that. A scapegoat? Not even that. In the Burial ending, he starts to take responsibility for the violence he inflicts on others and has no need to pin the blame on Ashley.

Outside of sex, Ashley is more or less useless to him now, at least in her own mind. Truthfully, Ashley is still the most important person in the world to Andrew and doesn't seem to need a reason to keep her around anymore, but Ashley doesn't realize that; it's part of why she's so confused and uncertain. Their dynamic is changing, and she doesn't like it. But in the Questionable ending, all Andrew has to do is not have sex with Ashley (easier said than done if the fanbase [myself] is any indication) and she'll have nothing left. She'll likely have no other choice but to look inward at this point, especially if Andrew doesn't give off any of the usual red flags that make her think he'd leave her.

There's a good chance at this point that their dynamic will flip entirely. Ashley will be the one who needs comfort, and Andrew shows every indication of being emotionally stable enough to provide it. We'll see some Real Mental Illness instead of Possible To Infer But Maybe Problematic To Do So Mental Illness. Whether or not she changes for the better or worse will likely determine the ending we'll get.

…

Except probably not.

Sane vs Questionable can't be THAT different, or we'd be getting 3A, 3B, 3C, and 3D instead of 3A and 3B. And, y'know what? Now I'm gonna start reaching really hard into theory territory rather than just analysis. So, hear me out here.

Both dreams are canon no matter the ending. The only difference is whether or not Andrew sleeps or not; if he does, the vision he gets is for HIM, and Ashley only incidentally sees it. It's much more important to him than to Ashley, because Ashley doesn't get a clear vision like she did in the motel. If them fucking was actually relevant to Ashley, she likely would've seen it no matter the ending. Her reactions reflect this; at first, she appears weirded out, maybe uncomfortable. Then she finds it hilarious. She considers it as a means of manipulation, sure, but the writing is on the wall: She won't NEED to do so no matter what.

Unfortunately, due to her not being able to open both doors, she won't be able to realize this. Oops!

At this point in time it's basically impossible to ascertain what her own personal vision means. I've given my interpretation before, but I ultimately have my doubts that the specific sequence of events is all to relevant. Most weird dream metaphors are clear parallels to past events, but the dream seems to be a metaphor for what the future will hold. The most relevant part is not the ghosts, but instead how Ashley reacts to what is clearly Andrew's soul. She jokes about trapping it in the bottle, but it being as a joke more than anything is a far cry from how desperate her attempts to keep him normally seem. So what gives? What does this mean?

I think, funnily enough, the Decay ending holds the answer.

My most-distanced-from-a-literal-or-metaphorical-reading-of-the-text-but-is-relatively-easy-to-accept theory is that the choices we are given in the game aren't asking us what we want to see from them, but rather, how we see the characters and their relationship. People are distracted by the idea of choice, but the reality is that we're being asked to roleplay (this is an RPG after all) as the siblings and do what we expect them to do. This isn't about choice. This is about BEING them and DOING WHAT WE THINK THEY'D DO.

Here's what I mean.

If we interpret Ashley as having trust in Andrew and his judgment, then it makes perfect sense she'd trust him with her parents. She might be a little worried, but it's pretty clear that her overwhelming desire to keep Andrew by her side is underscored by genuine love and trust. From there, if we interpret Andrew as having genuine love for his sister and a desire to take care of her, then it becomes everyone else's problem that they can't be together; not his. In killing their parents, he comes to terms with this and self-actualizes. He's willing to take responsibility for the violence he inflicts on others and has no discomfort with dismembering them.

But if you interpret Andrew as viewing Ashley as a burden and a problem, he can't bring himself to save their parents and have a better life because he views himself as too far gone. He hates himself as much as Ashley hates herself for being unable to break free from her influence. He still feels like she's his responsibility, but the love that exists there is greatly muted and overshadowed by his sense of responsibility and a carnal, physical desire for her. Knowing this is likely part of the reason he hates himself; part of the reason he can't let go.

He, crucially, also squanders Ashley's genuine display of trust. It's HIS fault that things break apart, which is why the skull appears over his head when you accept the mom's offer. Ashley genuinely, seriously loves Andrew and wants what's best for him. She's posessive, but her care is a lot less selfish than Andrew thinks, and he can't see that because he's too blinded by his hatred and (partially sexual) frustration to see who she really is.

On the other side of things, if you view Ashley as being a primarily toxic influence that views Andrew as more of an object than anything, she doesn't trust Andrew to deal with their parents and it's HER fault that things break apart, as the skull appears over her head. She sees him as an object, as a child or toy. She sees him as Andy, not Andrew, and can't process the fact that he can change. It's very overbearingly maternalistic, and I believe this specific choice is the only one where Ashley is actually more like their mother than Andrew, eye colors be damned.

In Burial, she wants to share the vision with Andrew, and he wants to share it with her, because their feelings are genuine and mutual and they want to share the experience (because they might get two visions from it, sure, but the principle isn't that much different) But in Decay, she keeps it to herself. She doesn't trust him or his input, either because she doesn't view his feelings as important or because he either almost squandered her trust (if she was listening in), or because he was generally hostile and disincentivized her from wanting to share.

There are other examples too, like when we're allowed to control Andrew to kill the hitman. If we view him as unprepared or unwilling to kill, we empty the whole clip because he's nervous and doesn't want to do this. If we view him as prepared, calm, and in control, he kills in one clean shot without much of an issue. Washing the [REDACTED] out of the shower drain? We basically get to see if Ashley is actually all that competent at housework or not, and if we don't know the right order, neither does she.

This comes to a head in both of the endings.

In the Questionable ending, we're shown that Andrew slept through the dream. We see what he really wants and the depths of his true feelings. He has very obvious romantic feelings for Ashley, and it's not just physical desire. Ashley's very obviously obsessed with Andrew still, but the fact that he can be present in every painting shows that she ACTUALLY views him that way. She's not just seeking validation; her feelings are real, and she knows it.

Remember, this dream is SHARED. We are seeing how BOTH of them feel.

In the Sane ending, Andrew isn't present, and Ashley is never given a chance to view their relationship as anything other than platonic. We don't know how Andrew feels, and we're arguably never given a view into Ashley's true feelings either, because that would-be revelation is cut off by a vision (indicated by eyes). We're just shown what she should do, needs to do, or will do.

Because we don't view their relationship as romantic, light is never shone on the reality of their dynamic. We never see how obsessed Ashley really is (if anything, we're being misdirected by being shown the opposite), and we never see that Andrew has romantic- if buried- feelings for Ashley that can't just be passed off as carnal physical desire. But since it's still the Burial ending, the dynamic still clearly exists; the endings would be too different otherwise. We CHOSE how we see their dynamic in the basement scene.

In other words…

Without love, the truth cannot be seen.

Reader who is in the know: "…hey wait a fuckin' minute" Me: "MOVING ON"

At some point- probably early on- the Sane and Questionable endings have to converge. Andrew and Ashley will have to have the nature of their dynamic laid out for them in a way they can't deny, and the likely only difference between Sane and Questionable will be whether or not Andrew is surprised/embarrassed, or just goes "I guess that dickhead demon wasn't just tricking us after all" and then the route will proceed as normal. Whether or not they have sex will likely be determined by your choices in Chapter 3 itself rather than Chapter 2 with this in mind. Either way, I think Ashley will go through most of the chapter confused and uncertain and will be forced to develop as a person, for better or worse.

In the Decay ending, as said, we're shown that Ashley doesn't even attempt to share a vision with Andrew, so we get to see a vision where Ashley's frame of mind isn't one driven by mutual affection. In this route, we see Ashley constantly running from -something,- and given dreams are metaphors, I think it's reasonable to assume that it's showing us that Ashley is primarily motivated by a fear of Andrew. Fear of what, exactly, isn't really clear; we know for a fact that she's afraid of losing him, but she's also afraid of the violence he can inflict upon her. Either way, she runs away, we can see the demon say "hmmm how interesting," and then we get a vision of the future.

But it's important to note, that vision is a metaphor, not a literal vision of the future. It takes place in the dream world- unlike any other vision, which takes place in the real world- and there are no out-of-frame eyes in the CGs like there are in the Questionable route. Also, (albeit less convincingly), all the eyes are in the background rather than on the map themselves, like they are when we see the hitman vision. The eyes only exist in the background in the Sane vision too, further adding to the idea that they're a metaphor.

So. If it's not a literal depiction of what will happen, then what exactly is it a metaphor for? Okay. Hear me out. This is my wildest fucking theory yet.

It's a metaphor for the Burial route. Or rather, the kind of event that happened in the Burial route.

What we are being shown in the metaphor is a reconciliation of their relationship, where their true feelings are laid bare. We are put in a situation where they are forced to decide how they feel for each other once and for all. If Andrew holds all the power in the relationship but has no control or awareness of his feelings- represented by whether he was composed enough or not to unload his entire clip-, he unceremoniously kills Ashley. Without that awareness, Ashley cannot even defend herself. She has no control because she isn't dealing with someone who has any either.

(Whether he actually kills Ashley or just some abstract representation of Leyley isn't clear, but it doesn't matter much for the purpose of analysis.)

But if Andrew does have that awareness of his feelings- represented by only shooting one bullet- they can negotiate. Because Andrew is in control, Ashley is also in control, and she can make one of two choices:

She can choose to save herself (and either maintain the status quo or just fucking kill Andrew depending on how literal the vision is). With this choice, she lets her fear overtake her and discards Andrew- the cause of her fear- like trash. He is an object that only exists for her sake, after all, and she can discard him just as easily as he seemed like her could discard her during the strangulation scene.

She can choose to trust and accept Andrew. And given a heart appears over her head, she can choose to love him, and overcome her fear, even at the cost of either her life or their prior dynamic (once more, depending on how literal it is).

Decay is asking us if we think Ashley is primarily motivated by selfish fear or genuine selfless love. But both exist either way, and their relationship must be understood and reconciled at some point; this route might honestly be their only hope for a platonic good ending, but it's going to be dismal and painful either way.

So with that in mind, why is the gun not relevant to the Burial route (yet) if it's such a strong metaphor?

Because the reconciling event WAS the basement scene.

We had to make that same choice there. Was Ashley too afraid of Andrew's interaction with her parents to let him handle it? Or did she love and trust him enough to make that choice? In choosing yes, the ball in Andrew's court. If he chooses to care for her needs, their relationship evolves. If he or Ashley refuse make that choice, that can is kicked down the road, and their relationship continues to deteriorate.

Or decay, as it may.

But in Burial, with that reconciling event having happened, the ball is in Ashley's court. With Andrew having come to terms with many of his feelings (minus his sexual desire), most of his arc is finished. There's probably still a lot of him to unpack on the Burial route, but in the Decay ending, as long as Ashley shows love for him, the final choice always falls on his shoulders. And with his final choice having been made in Burial, all that's left is Ashley's.

And what final choice will she have to make?

I don't know, I'm not a prophet.

But either way, she'll still have to make the choice of whether or not to be ruled by her fear of losing him, and desperately try to grasp for control she no longer needs, or cast aside that fear and allow for genuine, mutual love to flourish. Think about it this way: When you see a corpse, how do you react? If you don't care for the corpse or fear it, you stay away and let it decay. If the corpse belongs to someone you love, you tend to it and bury it.

And what do I think the best case scenario is? Well, I've made my opinion obvious, but I think there's one final thing I need to emphasize:

You don't claw at someone's back like a wild fucking animal if you're not really into it.

#andrew graves #ashley graves #the coffin of andy and leyley #gravecest #tcoaal #tcoaal essay

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lovefrombegonia · 23 days

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Whenever I read about Yuder using his awakener powers, I think of him fighting like Aang from ATLA or Sypha from the Netflix Castlevania series. Their powers visually are quite similar with them using all the elements. At least, that's what comes to my mind when I hear "can manipulate all natural elements". But it's not the same. I have a bit of trouble visualising how Yuder would look. Sypha is a mage and Aang is a bender. From what I have read until now from the novel, Awakener's powers are very much driven by simple will and instinct. So, for Yuder, especially, after being a commander for almost a decade at a time when his powers were used extensively, as he himself says it's more like being a commander for 20 years experience wise, the use of his powers would be more like using his hands and legs.

Sypha's movements look fluid and effortless but still very mage like. She is using magic she learnt. Aang's is very choreographed too. Obviously, the moves are based on real martial arts.

Disclaimer: In no way am I saying that these two are more or less powerful than Yuder. Just to be clear. This is strictly, a visual thing.

With Yuder Aile, I feel like his movements must look less choreographed and very natural. Like when you allow a skilled dancer to go free style with her favourite music that she listens to every day. Not just effortless, but also almost like muscle memory, or like instinct. Still, I can't think of a visual reference. In the manhwa, his movements are very simple, his just like 🫳🏻🫴🏻✨ and boom! Which does make sense, he has done it over a hundred times. Why would it look like these feats would take effort.

Still, I am eager to see more dynamic movements from him. With the future chapters being more action packed, when he fights the star of Nagran or the western region monsters. When he will unleash his inner "Yudrain", being so fierce that the enemies almost think of him like a scary demon LOL

I also wonder what his wind-water protection shield SOUNDS like? It's said that the shield he creates is so powerful, it can strip skin and flesh from bones if you try to touch it. So, the shield is more like a force field. It should sound like strong stormy winds you hear at night, the sound that enters your room in a thunderstorm through the slight openings of closed windows, almost sounding like a whistle. When creates minor earthquake, his hands shouldn't tremble much but would look like how we move our hand when listening to slow music that we like. But when trying to cut down a whole cliff, like when fighting pethuamet, would it look like he is trying to push down an invisible floor into the ground? Would his hands grab the air like he is actually able to feel the ground from a distance and then feel incredible physical strain when pushing down?

When he is running with the help of wind helping him speed up, what would that look like? Like he is skating in the air, perhaps. Or will he looks like just how we see speedsters run in comic book films. And when he jumps high with the wind, I imagine he would like the martial artists in Wuxian cdramas, jumping and gliding across the bamboo trees. Similar to the characters in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I really can't wait to see him flying into Kishiar's open arms in the Tainu arc *sighs dreamily*

One of my most anticipated uses of Yuder's powers is definitely when he will use it to see Kishiar's different powers surging through his body and enveloping him. It's gonna look so beautiful but the description in the novel was also weirdly ominous. Like the anatomically precise diagram of muscles in the human body. Red, gold, and blue swirls flowing through someone he loves with knots present in various parts, like a blocked artery. Can't wait to see what it all looks like in the manhwa!

Now, imagine if this ever gets animated?? Damn. I will ascend to heavens if that happens!

#yuder aile #turning novel #turning by kuyu #turning #터닝

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gunsatthaphan · 1 year

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🏆 𝒯𝑜𝓅 𝟣𝟢 𝑜𝒻 𝟤𝟢𝟤𝟤 💫

a few anons have requested this and also I was in the mood so here are my Top 10 BLs of 2022 (only including the ones that finished this year). Also I have posted more lengthy reviews for each of these shows already so I’m gonna try and keep it short lol.

not much to say here, if you know me and my blog then you know how much this show and firstkhao have taken over my life this year lmao. I loved the story so much and everything about it felt so genuine all the way through. FK did an incredible job at actually becoming their characters and I was so in awe of their portrayal. They made something incredible out of a little budget and that’s why I cherished it so much. The plot wasn’t perfect, there were holes and weaknesses but firstkhao, paired with the watching experience, made it perfect for me. 13/10.

this one gets the award for most underrated show of the year lmao. I loved it so much. like.... what an actual masterpiece?? the cinematography was stunning and the whole concept was so captivating. jimmysea delivered big time and while there were some draggy parts in the middle, the script ultimately proved itself to be absolutely outstanding. Sadly it didn’t get the attention it deserved.

OOF. I mean. How can I not include this mess of a project lmao (affectionate). was the script oscar-worthy? no. did it make a lot of sense? nah. but did I have the time of my life watching it? hell ya. The craze that surrounded this show was insane and it made the whole thing 10x better lmao. It was hilarious, the characters were likable and the chemistries were fire from every couple involved. It was the watching experience that made me put this as my no.3 because I had a blast.

This was such a nice surprise for me because I wasn’t in the mood for another KBL after the disaster that was To My Star 2 lmao but this was absolutely amazing. The script was genius and so was the entire production quality. This was the first show I saw with the 2 leads as I didn’t watch Kissable Lips but I was very pleasantly surprised by their chemistry. I would love to see them in more stuff in the future!

GOD. This show has my whole heart lmao. I would consider it a guilty pleasure though because it’s definitely not for everyone. But it hit the nail right on the head for me. It was SO adorable and SO hilarious and I have a huge weak spot for kaownah and turbo because they are just so lovely together. Lots of crack but the best kind lmao. Perfect.

🥺🥺 what an absolute gem of a show this was. A+ comedy and also the perfect proof that you can actually make something out of what seems like the most basic bl plot ever lol. But what they made of it was amazing. MekKim were super entertaining, also Lee and Park had no business being the most adorable couple I’ve ever seen??? sickening. I love them so much. The setup was super nice and it plays with several bl clichés in a very cunning way. Loved it!!!!

YES I LOVED THIS!!!!!! This show polarized a lot when it aired, mostly because of the body swap plot and also the disney antics lol and tbh I was expecting to agree with the critical opinions as I don’t like body swap tropes but I was surprised by how much I loved it. How they handled the plot was funny and adorable, plus the whole roadtrip theme and all the sceneries were so nice! And needless to say you can never go wrong with EarthMix. they always deliver and especially Mix’s acting left a big impression with me.

This show never got a lot of attention and most reviews were not good but guess what I disagree kfjdghfd. I loved it so much. The dynamic between the mains was fantastic and with so much cuteness it made me sick dfkjghf. The power of this show lies in its minimalism for me, there were so many small endearing things and everything felt 100% natural. Also they were one of the few pairings in a KBL that actually felt like a realistic couple lol. Han Gi Chan was outstanding and considering this was Holland’s acting debut, he did a very decent job as well. Also the cinematography? stunning. I went in with zero expectations and came out with teary heart eyes lol.

I was fairly excited for this one as it was Joong’s GMMTV debut and I was not disappointed. It doesn’t hold up with some of gmm’s other highlights this year but I liked it!!! It relied a lot on JoongDunk’s chemistry which I’m not mad about though. They’re really good together. The rest of the cast was also top-notch with an A+ friend group lol. The plot wasn’t super elaborate but once again, the watching experience did it for me lol.

I liked this one a lot!!! It was the first KBL that I thoroughly enjoyed since Light On Me and it was so much fun to watch!! The chemistry between the leads was top-notch and even though it doesn’t quite hold up with some other KBLs for me, I still wanted to put it on my list because that’s what it deserves lol.

thank you 2022 for giving us good gay food lmao. here’s to an even better 2023!! ✨

#thai bl #korean bl #bl dramas #top 10 #top 10 of 2022 #bl drama #feel free to tag me in your top 10 lol im curious!! 💜#happy new year!!!!!!!

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ninevoltheartmusic · 4 months

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Bandictionary archives: Travie McCoy interview

This interview with Travie McCoy of Gym Class Heroes is from July 11th, 2006 at the Vans Warped Tour. Describe the band's songwriting process. It's pretty democratic, I mean, we all add our two cents in. We start a song with either lyrics I wrote or a riff that Disashi wrote or a beat that Matt wrote and we'll all work them in so they sound amazing. What do you hope to achieve for the next album? World domination. I want to make people sick of my face. And hopefully marry that woman who just walked by. That's all I want to achieve. Do you try to make your shows different every day? Yeah. For some of the songs, the dialogue stays the same because there's a point that I want to make with a certain song. But for the most part, I change every day, so I think the shows change with how we're feeling that day. Usually it's a good thing, but, we try to keep it fresh because we realize that there's people coming to these shows that might have been at the last show, so we want to keep it special for everyone.

What do you think makes your band unique? Are you kidding me? Well, I think the fact that we try not to fit into any category. I mean we don't try hard; it's pretty easy. But for the most part, it's the fact that we can tour with these bands and then tour with hip-hop groups and then tour with reggae bands. That means the world to me. I want to stay in that position. I think that's what makes us unique. What are some of the band's goals for the future? We just want to keep producing music that we enjoy. The thing is, we've never really catered to any scene, we just like made the music that makes us smile. I think with any album, we take it to a new level and we always will continue to innovate. Are you superstitious at all? I am, actually. It's funny you say that. We just got into a really bad van accident a couple weeks before Warped started and the day before we got into the accident, I bought this bracelet. I don't usually wear jewelry, but I thought it was cute, so I bought it and we lived, so I've been wearing it ever since. So I feel like this is my good luck charm. How did you feel when you first heard yourself on the radio or saw yourself on TV? The first time I heard myself on the radio, I definitely tinkled in my pants a little bit. It was like one of those things. Like, you know, on Christmas morning, when you unwrap that present you really wanted, you know that feeling you get? Like, woah! You know? That's how I felt. It was like Christmas. Are your shows in your hometown different from all your other shows? Oh, of course! Hometown shows, I think, for any band are a little bit special because family is there, your close friends are there and I'm actually really looking forward to getting back to Buffalo on this tour because it's gonna be incredible. What can people expect when they come to see you live? Their faces to get melted off. Is it intimidating knowing that there are a lot of kids out there who look up to you? Yes, it is. And I think that goes for anybody who's making music and is in a position where kids are looking up to them because I'm far from perfect. I wouldn't say that I'm a model citizen, I'm just a big kid and I make mistakes. I would never want anybody to try to follow anything that I do. But in the same respect, it's kind of naïve for me to think that it wouldn't happen. For the most part, I try to be as positive as possible, but also party my ass off and be that inner demon I am. Describe your latest album (2006's As Cruel as School Children) in one word. Sexy. What was the last show you went to that wasn't your own? He is Legend was the last band I got to see at the Chain Reaction. He is Legend is one of my favorite bands. What was one album that really changed your life? Probably Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness by the Smashing Pumpkins. It was one of the first CDs that I actually purchased myself. It was so dynamic that I was like, I want to make music like this. I want every song that we make to have its own personality. What effect do you think your band will have on the entire music scene? Hopefully to show people that they don't have to stick to one thing and that once they make an album, they're not doomed to sound like that forever.

#travie mccoy #gym class heroes #interview #bandictionary archives

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curedeity · 1 year

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It’s fanfic day-

Okay so if you haven’t noticed today I went around and dropped an ask in like… most of my beyblade mutuals (and some nonmutuals I think?) inboxes and asked them for their favorite fics. If you didn’t receive an ask but wanna do this, like, go ahead? I probably was just like “oh hmmmmm idk if this person wants me in their inbox”

But! I’m also gonna take this chance and gush about some of my favorite beyblade fanfics, because I recently buckled down and actually got through a lot of the ones I wanted to.

Gotta start with “The Previous Wielder (Is Just a Guy)” by @artisadie (or squirt1254 on ao3). The fact Sadie has not published any more fics is criminal. Like, Sadie, it’s an actual crime that you gave me this fic and then nothing more. The dynamic written between Gingka and Ryo here is so compelling, managing to merge a serious reflection with their combined goofiness. It’s just really well-written, and also pretty short for anyone who wants a quick read.

My government mandated @lady-lazagna fic is “Christmas with Kenta” (on ao3) which I think is the first one I read of hers. A lot of her fics are very good, including Wounded Pride and especially the second chapter of Metal Mayhem, but I think this is the first work of hers I read, and one that really stuck with me. I like the way it manages to handle this sort of bittersweet feeling, choosing a slightly darker route of Ryuga’s future post-canon if he stayed alive, but also bringing it this very mundane feel. I think it’s an amazing work of both characterization of a wide cast, and also masterfully balances its tone.

As for another Kenta and Ryuga bonding Christmas themed fic, we’ve got “so this is christmas (the war is over)” by @little-christmas-song (ssongpyeon on ao3). Once again, Song, this is active violence against me for this to be your only published fic. Your writing style is addictive. This fic does focus a lot more on the dynamic between Ryuga and Kenta, and is a much more mellow piece taking place further post-canon. Song has a really good understanding of language, and their writing style is honestly incredible. I really love the way it sneaks it characterization for some of its supporting cast as well, and I think it’s just a really chill read overall.

And now for another absolute legend of the ao3, we have @starfishes-and-watercolors or CallmeCloudyorVal on ao3. There’s a lot of fics of theirs I like, from their Tithi fics to Adoption AU, but after thinking for about a minute I found that I could confidently say “The Working Dead” is my favorite fic of theirs. The fic focuses on Madoka and Yuki just having conversations with each other while being absolutely stressed from work at the WBBA, and I can confidently say this fic definitely influenced a fair few headcanons I have for them. It really helped me realize just how good of a dynamic these two could have, and is a pretty fun read for me just for that. The fic is just also very funny at many parts, especially when Yuki and Madoka get the closest to murder.

Lightning round! “Temple Tetris” by DinoSohn (on ao3) is a short humorous piece about Dynamis. It gave me a good laugh, and will probably do the same for you.

“Spicy sweet potato chips” by @ladyryukyo (mademoiselle1 on ao3) is also just a quick work about Ryo that I enjoy, and it focuses on Kyoya and Ryo’s dynamic. It’s got a pretty humorous concept, and executes that humor really well. I like the mundane insanity it has.

It was hard to choose for @heybeyby (candiedshekelsss on ao3) because I really enjoyed “A Leaf-Colored Contemplation” (btw, banger title) but I gotta go with “Fallen Down Where The Dead Boys Go” (seriously wtf is up with all your titles slapping???). How could I not, I got so much lore for this fic given to me and so much fear placed into me. This is a Shogun Steel fic, and a more plot heavy one at that, but if you’ve watched Shogun Steel I can’t recommend this fic enough. It has really good narration for each character so far, and a lot of good character building as well. I am so excited for where this fic will go, and especially excited for the characterizations of Maru and Ren we’ve gotten so far, and where those will go too.

At this point I have started to forget who I’ve mentioned by now and who I haven’t. Gonna come clean and say I am writing this post ahead of time, on google docs, and I’m still getting lost.

Time for some longer multichapters!

First off, I’d like to mention “From Different Eyes” by @masterofdemise (on ao3). This fic is about Dynamis and Pluto post-canon swapping bodies, and has a lot good character building for underutilized canon characters (Elysse counts). But most of all, this fic absolutely embraces the humor of the situation, and the humor of the characters. It is constantly leaning into the absurd, and the humor is written with the characters well in mind. I could go on for a while about how humor is used in this fic, but it absolutely makes it worth the read even if you aren’t interested in Dynamis or Pluto.

“And then there were 4” by @voidix (on ao3) is likely one of the most plot-heavy beyblade fics I’ve read. It takes a lot to commit to making a plot-heavy multichapter, and the set-up and revelations so far in this fic are quite fun. It has a lot of that beyblade absurdity, and I’m glad I read it.

@andro-dino has many good fics, though I don’t think my favorite choice will surprise anyone, as I wrote a fic inspired by it! “This Body of Mine?” (on ao3) Is a short, Toby-centric fic, and I think it’s just a really sweet character study. I don’t really know what to say about it other than it’s a good read, and definitely one anyone interested in Toby’s fanon character growth should read (we are seriously giving this dude so much).

@qloof has got a lot of fics published, but the one I’m gonna choose is “King and Tithi’s Pranking Adventure” (on ao3) I just found it genuinely funny and sweet. I hope another chapter gets written, but if not, it’s still a solid read for anyone who’s interested, and has really fun characterizations for the legendary blader cast.

“Hagane” by @mellythedork (on ao3) is also a very neat fic, I love the magic it embraces for the mfb universe, and a lot of the writing is very cool. I’d definitely encourage you to read it if you’re a Ryo fan like I am, or just want to see Doji get his shit wrecked.

For my last fic, I wanna quickly shoutout “Gesso” by Arcylic (on ao3) which without a doubt really made me interested in what Team Starbreaker dynamics could be like. It focuses on Zeo and Jack’s dynamic, and has a lot of really fun dialogue between the two. I can bet this fic started a wave of people absolutely ready to try their own hand at the starbreaker dynamic.

Now, I can’t very well let the opportunity to talk about myself just pass me by. I have 53 published beyblade fics, so you can imagine it might be a bit hard for me to choose.

I will say if you’ve watched Shogun Steel, even just a bit, and haven’t read “Stolen Pride” yet, I’d absolutely encourage you to. Since I started in this fandom, I’ve really tried to make narratives about feminism that deal with the issues of the show in an in-universe manner. “Stolen Pride” is my newest work to explicitly focus on that, and I’d love people to read it and tell me what they enjoyed and didn’t. It’s a discussion I really want to have.

“Darkness in Triplicate” is one of my longest Hikaru-centric works, and a bit of a dark read, but I think absolutely worthwhile. I have always wanted to pull off adding Hikaru into the Masters plot, and I think with this fic I finally managed to do so.

Finally, I have to mention “By the Dead of Morning/I’ll be Better for It/And then Fortified I’ll Rise” which is the Faust joins Starbreaker early AU. I put likely way too much effort into this fic, and I really hope I’m not banned from other secret santas because of it (not that I’ll promise to not do it again…). It isn’t entirely my headcanons, but I really like the writing I did for this, along with the concept itself. It’s one of my longest works yet, and the fact I pulled it off makes me so proud of myself.

If you read this far, congratulations! You’re insane! But I’m really glad you read all this, I really appreciate a lot of beyblade fic writers, and actually committing and reading all the fics I’ve wanted to was a really good time. I hope if any of the fics on this list interest you, you go and check them out! And maybe leave a comment for the author. We’ve got an honestly impressive ficwriting community for how tiny this show is, and I can’t wait to see if even more people join! Yknow… so long as they’re not the type of people I gotta use that new mute function on… BUT WE’RE BEING POSITIVE AND HEY

We got a lot of cool fics :)))

#god this took me like an hour to write #fucking hell #beyblade #beyblade metal fight #mfb #also gonna say that i did not ao3 stalk all the authors I mention in this post. No idea what all of them have written #but i have cleared out my beyblade tag entirely so I assume none of them have written some real weird beyblade stuff #hey if you dont wanna be mentioned for some reason you can also shoot me a dm and ill delete your paragraph #but ive just been wanting to talk about fanfic a lot recently. and yknow. shout out a lot of the fics ive really enjoyed #sorry to your inboxes!

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psychicbergara · 9 days

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Genuine answer about the overproduced shows question - It's not that fans were unhappy with how the shows were produced before the announcement, in fact most people were very happy with it! But, Watcher announced exactly how expensive this production is and how, in order to fund that production, they need to move to watcher.tv; this immediately creates backlash from these same fans who WERE happy with the production of the shows, but it still wasn't and will not be the REASON these shows do so well. People love Watcher because of the dynamics, the educational content, the clever writing, banter... The incredible production was just a beautiful bonus which ultimately means more to the creator than the consumer, given the kind of audience Watcher has curated on YouTube (mostly youngsters, students, young adults looking for comfort content from their favorite Internet personalities; people who consume their content with varying degrees of dedication and regularity. We can assume that these people can get TV-caliber content from, well, TV, when that's what they want to watch.)

It seems kind of weird to say that people don't deserve to be upset about paying for high-quality TV caliber content to be produced. Those very same people, that very same audience, didn't connect with Watcher because of its production quality in the first place. So people will be upset about having to fund something they don't consider a fundamental part of enjoying a Watcher video. People will want them to cut down on production costs instead of making them pay for something they don't necessarily want.

This is, of course, incredibly one-sided. Watcher feel proud of producing such high-quality and expensive products and I'm absolutely sure it fulfills them creatively. They want to make the best product they can. That's admirable and it should be commended. But it costs so much money, money that they do not have anymore. And there is now a disconnect between the audience's needs and wants, and their own, neither of which are wrong but they are simply not compatible. They cannot expect people to want to pay for their upward climb toward higher and higher-quality content. That's not what their fans see in Watcher and its future. It's a pretty sad situation.

hi anon! thank you for the genuine answer.

while i totally understand, and people have every right to be upset (you may not be talking abt me, and just in general, but to clarify- i have never said it's weird that people are upset. it's weird that people are attacking them, but not being upset. and i'm all for a potential middle ground that watcher may come up with), it's still overall odd people are saying it's overproduced. like yes, you can say you're for the dynamic, for the banter, and that the production was just a plus. i am in it for the dynamics and banter too. but, like you said, watcher wants to produce high-quality products that serve them because they like to create it.

to do this, they shouldn't have to downsize. they shouldn't have to let go of people at all (which was what buzzfeed did and im sure letting go of people wouldve created some backlash too). so they looked for an alternative, and while a bit hasty in terms of not soft launching it at all, they were looking for a better way to make money. i'm not saying people have to agree with it, i'm also ambivalent about it.

im gonna quote the wonderful @/littlekingbergara because they explained it better than me:

"i think people complaining about the production are so happy to see them stagnate. they started the company so they could make shows that creatively fulfilled them and so they wouldn't have to trim down or sanitize their work for a corporation that was at the time buzzfeed and now youtube is doing the same thing. forcing its creators to be advertiser-friendly at the cost of Literally Making No Money for one mistake that can't be undone because its appeals process is inconsistent and may as well be nonexistent. youtube started out as the best platform for them because of the income potential from their built-in audience from buzzfeed and it just isn't that anymore because it's working against its own creators."

but yea anon. it is a pretty sad situation for many. but people have to realize where watcher is coming from, and from the beginning, they have advertised their company as something they want to create tv-caliber content on, and the fact that many people are complaining that it's overproduced when it was always aiming for high production, is simply just odd to me imo 😭 it is okay for people to simply say 'i don't want to pay for this' and move on. they don't have to comment on production quality sdfshdf

#asks #sophie answers

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dragongutsixofficial · 4 months

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for oc ask game 3, 15 and 24?

Thanks for the ask, my friend !^^

3- Biggest self-insert OC ?

Oooh that is a tricky question. I have so many OCs from so many fandoms and even some who are not tied to any existing piece of media !^^

I have to say though, probably the ice mage I played (and still do sometimes !) with my sister after we got The Best Videogame Ever: Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Skies. She holds within her characterization a lot of who I was as a young kid- some of which I'd like to get back. I was so confident as a kid, it's pretty incredible !

I can also tell you about the biggest fail to make a self-insert OC: Siyn Eisner, my beloved Bylethsona. The idea behind her creation was simple: I wanted an avatar who would represent me as a player the same way people created their Linksonas. At first, she was just an idea in the back of my mind, and not very developed- and that's the way she stayed until I started a fe3h roleplay with my dear friend.

And Sothis be damned, Siyn went way out of my control. She became her own, beautiful character. Of course, there are always things that she gets from me: but no more or less than any other OC of mine. And she inspired me in turn !

In general though, every OC of mine has some elements of my personality woven into theirs, even if I don't do it consciously. For instance, with my new Seven of Hearts OCs (OCs I created for a future webcomic, hopefully):

Heilig (he/him) is sarcastic and drags his feet. He doesn't do well when he's taken out of his comfort zone and hates taking risks. He sticks by the rules and is a bit tunnel-visionned. That's how I can be sometimes: and while there's nothing wrong with it, it can quickly become unhealthy: his character arc will partially be around him learning how to take a chill pill.

Keuse (she/her), Heilig's little sister, has more of that rebellious streak: but most of all, she wants the best for her brother and he wants the best for her. She wants him to understand that although she might be younger, it's just as much her responsibility to protect him in her eyes. I'm a younger sibling who wants my sister to know I'll always be here to protect her, just as she does me.

Same goes for Camille (he/she), who has that very naive side to him, and who definitely has undiagnozed ADHD. And so it is for every one of my OCs !

14- How many projects do you have going on right now? Are there any that you doubt you’ll ever finish?

HahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA-

When I received your ask I was like, "No prob, Imma make a google sheet and write everything down" and that's why I took some time to answer your ask. I have already given up on that. I don't even know where to start. I have so many WIPs. So many animatics living rent-free in my head. Some of which I am sure will never get done.

For instance, when the live-action version of The Little Mermaid came out, I was incredibly hyped by the new version of Part of your World and for weeks I was like, "I'M GONNA DRAW AN ANIMATIC OF A MERMAID TRANSMASC BYLETH WITH THIS SO BAD" and... yeah i'm still at the first frame.

I am pretty confident about finishing my first fic published on AO3 though, which I had given up on after one(1) chapter. But I got inspired by amazing writers @paracosmicat & @ninadove to pick it up again and I've entirely rewritten the first chapter + written two more chapters already (none of which are posted yet because I'd like to get ahead this time). I'm a lot happier with this version !^^ It's a fanfic delving into the dynamics of Edelgard/Zagreus (from Hades), which should eventually turn into a series exploring the Edelgard/Byleht/Zagreus/Thanatos polycule.

3- Do you have/want a career in your medium ? If not, what do you do/want to do instead ?

Drawing, as you will have noticed, is my passion and really the main way I get the wormbrains out. And if I don't draw for a while I will just want to bang my head against a wall repeatedly. So I definitely want a career in it. Being a video game designer would be a dream job.

For circumstances out of my control, I'm studying something else at the moment. On a good note, I just got out of two years of a formation which made me absolutely miserable and barely left me any time to draw !!! So there's that. But I do fully intend on finding a way to work in the art field someday ! >=D

#ask game #asks #kanohivolitakk

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lovelyjasmari · 2 years

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Twisted Wonderland Reaction Part 14 ~ STOP PERCIEVING ME Edition

Hello everyone!

So I debated on weather to make a post abt this part of book 5 but I decided to anyway cause I have some kinda strong emotions abt it that I have to get out, preferably soon before the en discourse begins to set in and I risk being nuked off the internet. Next reaction post will be 90% blind so there’s that.

Warning: Pic heavy, swearing, emotional musings, slight Epel slander, Vil simping and mention of my ocs (I try to keep it at a minimum). Also TW: Slight mentions of homophobia and my personal experiences with gender dysmorphia.

Bonjour Honey!!! If you understand that reference, congratulations!! You have unlocked level 200 friendship access to me, please DM me to claim your prize~

Seriously are there no ad-blockers in Twisted Wonderland?!

I’ll say it once, I’ll say it again, Disney missed a huge opportunity playing it safe with Neige’s design and I hate them for it. Especially when we get to his SDC song. No spoilers but it’s pretty bad and I’m not just saying that cause I’m a Vil simp.

Rook, sweetie, I usually love everything that comes from your mouth but this instant, kindly shut the hell up. You always struck me as someone who would appreciate beauty that is more dynamic and compelling and not so transient, please don’t fail me!

And this right here, this is the seed Vil planted resulting in me really respecting and admiring him as a character. Carry on, my Pomefiore queen, crush Epel’s toxic way of thinking. We stan. 💙

Uhhh...it’s sounding like you wouldn’t mind that. Not that I’m judging. We don’t kinkshame in this house, for the most part. 😅

Ohhhh Kalim, my sweet sunshine, nice save cause Vil was really about to dropkick you here. And I’d probably let him too...

You truly are the fairest one of my heart. Now and forever. 💙

But seriously, these chapters really made me feel for Vil. I can appreciate the frustration he has of the world perceiving him in a certain way and then punishing him for those false assumptions. Especially since he seems not to be truly cruel, just incredibly tenacious. I’ve been suffering from people’s false assumptions of me for most of my life and I’ve yet to find a way to make people see who I truly am. But I think I could learn not to care about what they think, if I could one day be as radiant as Vil.

More character development for my sunshine child! And for personal reasons that I’ve mentioned before, this moment made me even happier because it shows that even Kalim is capable of this level of introspection. It really makes me curious and excited for how his and Jamil’s relationship will develop in the future.

Shut the fuck up Grim! Before I beat your ass with a stick! Christ, we’re having a deep moment and you had to ruin it with your fucking one track mind! You are seriously the worst! (half serious, half affectionate)

This cannot end well...

Your gluttony will be the doom of us all...

Everyone’s gansta ‘till Vil pulls out the ara ara~

👀👀👀 *bonks myself with my own stick*

YESSIR!

OH FUCK NO! I CHANGED MY MIND VIL! I’LL SLEEP ON THE LOUNGE FLOOR WITH THE IDIOTS! THE SLEEP PARALYSIS RAT IS BACK!

Yes I can but I really wish I wasn’t. Also, Mickey having his OG design really throws a wrench in my Unreality theory I was working from for Yuulan’s storyline...not that I’m gonna fix it at this point though.

Okay, WHO THE FUCK designed this new twistune?! Cause I’d like to have a word with them! No anger, just wanna talk cause I can usually SS most twistunes on easy and normal but this?! I JUST WANNA TALK

No not really, he was too busy pissing Danica off and she finally had enough...

Okay, so this was the moment that made me REALLY wanna punch Epel in the face and lowkey why I’m not pulling for him this week. The translation is also toned down some so if you understand what he’s saying, Epel comes off as VERY misogynistic here. It’s clear he’s dealing with some serious homophobia and by homophobia, I don’t mean hatred of gay people, I mean actual fear of being perceived in a feminine way which is just as bad (is there a word for that?Cause I know homophobia isn’t the one I’m looking for). Especially since some of his personal stories have shown that Epel does genuinely have some more feminine-perceived interests like embroidery, apple carving, etc.

Once again, Vil is the right one in this situation. He can see Epel’s potential but because that potential is tied to society’s narrow perception of weakness and strength, Epel himself does not see it. Oddly enough, this is an issue that many of my female ocs deal with. Many of my main girls are very feminine and charming but they also posses incredible strength in various ways. Most of their stories focus on them balancing their strength with their femininity without forsaking their femininity all together. I don’t often see these kinds of stories in media but since I've struggled with my womanhood for so long, my characters are all the more important to me. Because strength is not mutually a masculine trait and there is power in grace.

And I know some people have interpreted Vil’s actions and words towards Epel as harsh and even abusive but I don’t really. As someone who has dealt with some serious gender related trauma and dysmorphia in the past, I really take issue with Epel’s comments here. Frankly, I feel like these ignorant societal notions cause as much dysmorphia in people as anything else. So I really cannot tolerate it. What’s more, I don’t really think Vil is trying to force Epel to change how he is, nor does he have contempt for Epel as he is, but he is trying to change his narrow way of thinking which is what’s REALLY holding Epel back. I’ll explain this further in a moment.

I actually like blastcycle better than magic wheel, every now and then EN makes a translation choice that isn’t totally out there.

Awww, Ii really love Deuce and Epel’s interactions. There’s nothing heterosexual about them but that’s okay! ❤

DISNEYLAND!!!

Dumbass (highly affectionate)

Sweet, filthy farm child (also highly affectionate)

Another reason why I really haven’t taken issue with Vil’s actions yet. Even though he is harsh, Epel isn’t all in the right either and has some serious prejudices against certain types of people. Even after Vil vibe checks him more than a few times, he still hasn’t gotten what he’s trying to convey to him. He’s pretty hardheaded and sometimes gentle guidance doesn’t remedy that.

If I’m being truly honest, out of all the boys who have OB so far, Vil IMO has been the LEAST problematic. I probably would not be saying that if it weren’t for some of the very specific experiences I’ve had in my life but really, Vil doesn’t seem genuinely cruel or malicious or even sus. Even Jamil was just a little sus though his grievances were equally as justified as Vil’s (but he went about things not in the best of ways). Now that may change since I stopped reading Book 5 at a certain point but as of now, if Vil is wrong for how he’s treated Epel, then Epel is just as wrong for his hardheadedness.

But I want to make it clear I DO NOT DISLIKE EPEL AS A CHARACTER. His way of thinking is pretty common in more rural and conservative areas bible belt states and its only when some people grow up that they take on a different POV. And Epel probably has the same issue as Vil, being perceived a certain way by society and being punished for it. Hopefully with what Vil did for Epel’s family, he will soon understand what Vil has been trying to teach him.

SEE?! HE IS LEARNING!!! 💖💖💖😊😊😊

OH GOD! FUCKING JUMPSCARE! They’re so sorry, Vil-san! Please don’t be too hard on them! They’re knuckleheads but they know better now! Have mercy!!

Ahhhhhhh, ahhhh, ahhhhh, oh god, is that who I think it is?? Does this mean...

MY DARLING DRAGON HUSBAND!! I squeezed my Malleus plushie so hard when he appeared! 💚

Really, if Lilia hadn’t run off so fast at the end of Book 4, I would have invited him to our holiday feast too! But concert tickets will have to suffice for now, please come over for ice cream when it gets warmer!

Awww, he wanted to see us perform, he really is simping hard for MC and it’s adorable!

Goodnight, sweet prince. And with that, we conclude Book 5 part 2. Next time shit will likely hit the fan fast and hard and from what some of my friends playing JP have told me, it will hurt. So let’s enjoy this sweet reprieve for as long a we can. After the emotional roller coaster I’ve just had, I’m so happy I was able to make Malleus smile like this. 💚💚💚

#twisted wonderland #jas reads twst #long post #SHUT UP JAS

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pack-the-pack · 1 year

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Thoughts on alphas/betas/omegas accepting their partners pups that may or may not have been born form non con?

So the r-word is not really something I talk about in my blog, because it grosses me out and it makes me physically cringe and nauseous, but there are instances where I “can talk about it” and be okay with it, like now, where I’m not really talking about it, just the product of it. So it all cool don’t worry about it.

!!!This is also a very complex issue that I’m not equipped to advise on in real grounds whatsoever, so please none of you take anything I say here to heart or use it as some sort advise, this is all for fun and omegaverse not for real life, please go seek the professional guidance you need and also seek the aid of authorities, thank you!!!

For thoughts, I’m not gonna say it is a common thing in my verse because I just rather not think about it altogether, but I’d like to believe most people wouldn’t really have much of a problem with the “accepting it was not your partner’s fault” aspect of it… you know, like normal human beings with a normal moral compass.

I think both Alpha, Betas and Omegas alike would all have their conflicting thoughts and grievances at first because well… not really something you plan for or really want in your life all of a sudden. I usually put myself in the shoes of the hypothetical Alpha in question, and if I were unfortunetely put in this situation with them I believe I would at first suggest seeing doctors, psychologists and support groups first (along with law enforcement obviously) and even getting rid of it, if it meant my partner would do better in coping and getting back on their feet by doing so. I think this is like the most logical and humane way of approaching the situation at first and I don’t think it is exclusive of any one dynamics. But it also just works if the child hasn’t been born yet.

But in the case of wanting to keep the pup then I think family counciling along with the Omega seeing a therapist on their own would be very helpful. Alphas wpuld probably want to protect their partner and future pup as much as possible so they probably would be the one to suggest it.

Omegas probably wouldn't have a hard time accepting someone else's offspring either, but I think they'd be INCREDIBLY agressive towards the mother of the pup. After all they are sex criminals.

As for Betas, maybe they have a harder time accepting it. Since they don't have as strong of instincts as Omegas and Alphas, but I think that'd it would be very circumstantial.

#a/b/o alphas #omegaverse #alpha beta omega #a/b/o #alpha/beta/omega #alpha/beta/omega dynamics #alpha/beta/omega verse #a/b/o verse #pack-the-pack answers #anon ask #r-word #r word #rape #non con #tw rape #tw pregnancy

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unlicensed-un-proffesional · 1 year

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You know it seems like so much of our warfare and weaponry is dictated by our limitations, right? I mean, the only reason a club isn’t better than a gun is 1. We have no way to easily close the distance, and 2. A gun is always the same power no matter who’s holding it, but any melee object? It wavers depending on skill, resolve, strength, many more factors than just aim and timing like with the very consistent Gun, and humans were just never built to withstand that level of heat and concentrated force, were they?

Speaking of guns, in a similar example; The Shotgun. Not really a prime device for war, not renowned for its accuracy, and it is at heart a close range weapon, which is the most deathly range to be in when you’re at war. And, I mean, what is all that power really good for? All that punch the shotgun provides? You could have the most high caliber rounds, but after a certain threshhold it is useless isn’t it? One good 9mm to the soft spot of the head is just about as effective as a bloody rocket launcher. But, if say, in future warfare there’s an armor protecting that body, one that covers the entire surface and absorbs and redistributes the pressurized and precise shock of a bullet, degrading itself like a car deliberately crunching in a crash so you don’t get rocked and to make sure all that force isn’t transferred to your fragile body.

An invisible layer say, of protection that can easily be applied anywhere on the go, the best armor you can have, all at the price of not being necessarily impenetrable like walking around in 5 cubic meters of cold steel, but incredibly protective. Now there, with this upgrade to The Human Hitpoint, Shotguns may prove very useful, because it’s not such a risk to run at someone now that you know you can take a few blows to the temple and be alright, and it’s imperative all those shotgun pellets connect in order to maximize wildling down that super armor. That extra power that seems like overkill now has a practical place. This theoretical advancement in armor and technology in warfare turns once obsolete weapons reserved mostly for hunters and civilians, too overkill to actually be efficient in head to head combat and one that relies on too many risky factors, now has a place.

In a situation more relatable to modern times, bullet proof jackets have been a thing for half a century now, but you know what they won’t protect you from? A good shank. So, in a situation where you and an opponent are equipped with state of the art protection against bullets, you’re just either not gonna use bullets, or target very specific points, which is where the knife comes in. In a hand to hand tussle, it’ll prove quite useful against some bulletproof bloke, because they’re only bulletproof! A pair of grandma’s knitting needles will do the trick! Trust me, I’ve tried. And it also provides a dynamic ability where the way you kill can easily be influenced with enough motor control, and you don’t have to put so much blind faith in a third party leaving an explosive chamber to do the job for you, allowing for more guaranteed kills.

Every weapon is just waiting for its chance to be useful again. Even the long forgotten trebuchet may have its chance some day to prove why it’s the uncontested champion of medieval siege equipment, and may be the champion again of future sieges, ya’ neva’ know!

Isn’t this all interesting? I’ve been on a bit of a thought train lately that just won’t slow down!

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blueteller · 2 years

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"Trash of the Count's Family" Review Series: Chapter 0

I've realized something quite terrible today.

I joined the TCF/LCF fandom recently and I wanted to see some reviews, since reading comments and seeing other people's reactions is half the joy of being in a fan community. Except, when I tried to check out some reviews...

I couldn't find any.

Seriously, I can't find any reviews!! Anywhere!!! This is criminal! How can there be no reviews?! This series is quite popular, or at least it seems like it! There's plenty of fans on tumblr! Why is the review section of this fandom like a barren desert!?

Then, came my moment of enlightment:

if there are no reviews, then I shall make them myself 😎

Reviewing the webnovel would be an incredibly daunting task, I'm not gonna lie (with over 770 chapters, it would take years!), so I'll stick with the manhwa for now. There are currently 77 chapters out (almost exactly 1/10th of the whole story – nice!), so I'll have plenty of material for a while, before I run out.

Just so you know – I like analyzing stuff, but I do not consider myself a harsh critic. I'm inclined to be more forgiving of things I actually like, in contrast to how many errors I can find in something I disapprove of. However, I will try my best to acknowledge flaws and be a fair judge of content.

With all that said – let's begin Blue Teller's TCF/LCF review series. Please enjoy!

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Trash of the Count's Family Manhwa: Chapter 0 (Prologue)

The first chapter is numbered 0, as it serves as a prologue instead of an actual chapter. It mirrors the webnovel well in that aspect: as the book also starts with a prologue, told in 1st person point of view – unlike the rest of the story, which has typical 3rd person POV. It is an important detail, as the majority of this story's comedy comes across through various misunderstandings. It would be impossible for the reader to experience them fully if we were stuck in Cale's POV. But the prologue being in 1st person POV also gives the novel that classic isekai vibe: which is fairly misleading, as we will find out in the future. I believe it is a deliberate move on the author's part. But we will get to that later... much, much later.

We begin with a dark background. Then, fire appears. Ominous. Something terrible is going on, the reader can already tell.

Then we get the title "The Birth of a Hero".

With flames connecting images, we get exposition about a book: classic fantasy isekai premise, with a Korean teen (kinda?) as the protagonist. We see our MC, Choi Han, meet people in a certain village, then return one day to find them all dead. The narrator explains how Choi Han was pure and innocent before, but the incident causes him to snap and kill people for the first time, in revenge for the villagers who were like family to him.

The panel with Choi Han's enraged expression is pretty amazing, as we can still tell that his facial features are supposed to be young and soft, despite how twisted they are in the moment. There are subtle shadows around his eyes, and sparks float around him: partly because the village is burning, partly because they symbolize the spark that made such a kind-hearted person go on a bloody rampage.

In the next several images we see Choi Han fighting and killing the assailants: the artist displays their skill with dynamic images. You can tell Choi Han's movement in every frame, despite the pictures being still. It is very well done.

While the scene isn't nearly as bloody as it probably should have been, you can tell the artist is under obligation to censor most of the violence, including the gore. There are splatters of blood visible in several shots, but not much of it. Considering how bloody this webnovel is – in the most literal sense – some fans could take that as a bad sign. However, I am not a big fan of gore either, so I can't say I mind it... There's still some blood, so it could have been much worse.

We can still tell that Choi Han definitely, very much murdered a bunch of people. I don't care if the scenery isn't entirely covered in blood, even if technically it should be. (It was probably also easier to draw, to be honest.)

The next is another close-up of Choi Han and to be honest with you, I can't tell if he's sweating or crying. Either way... it looks very painful and quite heartbreaking. You can tell that revenge did not give Choi Han as much relief as he would have hoped.

The narrator explains that Choi Han failed to get any information from his enemies, and once he snapped out of his blind rage, he was overcome by despair.

Next we see Choi Han burying the villagers and crying (this time it's definitely crying) while swearing revenge. The narrator tells us that Choi Han then truly understood sadness, and Choi Han leaves the village, ending the dark background which had been present since the beginning. The dark introductory part is now officially over.

Next, we see a noble crest of a Golden Turtle, with a shell shaped as a rocky mountain. Choi Han arrives in a city, which to my knowledge is either called Weston, Westin, or Rain City, depending on translation.

Next we see the face of our true protagonist for the first time, and to be honest – the style is kind of weird for me here. I noticed there are numerous images where there is only one character present, and yet for some reason, the author refuses to draw their eyes. It's certainly a convenient shortcut in drawing, and I've seen some mangas and animes apply this technique. However, usually that's reserved for background characters, character's with faces yet-to-be-revealed, characters standing far away from the viewer, OR characters hiding their emotions.

While you could argue that OG Cale (original Cale, the character before our MC's transmigration) is a mysterious figure and thus not showing his eyes is justified... it's not the only moment where I find the use of the "no-eyes" technique extremely awkward. I will be definitely mentioning more in the future, as I think this author has a problem with it. It doesn't look terrible, but... it doesn't look good, either.

Anyway, Choi Han gets angry at this noble "ruffian" (BTW, Choi Han's "no-eyes" shot look much better, at least there's a fringe and shadows covering them – as it should be!!) named Cale and beats him up... with a lamp? LOL, that part wasn't in the novel?? But it's kinda hilarious. I approve. You can make so many puns with that: "Allow me to enlighten you, Young Master~!" 😂

(Also, how the heck a lamp like that works in this world?? There's no electricity here... I assume it must run on mana or something. Eh, whatever.)

Then finally, we are given the first look at our true protagonist, Cale Henituse; in all his bare-chested glory, haha.

I admit, I am kind of a prude, so I don't like looking at the shots of Cale's bare torso very much. But I can imagine the crowds of thirsty fans eagerly thanking the author for the fanservice. I checked the novel just to be sure, and while Cale looks at his body in the mirror and comments that it is very handsome and fit, it does not mention whether he was looking at himself naked or not. I mean, he takes a bath soon afterwards, so it's not a big leap of logic, but... Let's face it, the author just wanted to draw Cale half-naked. Very well, who am I to judge. Since this novel has no romance in it, this is the most action those poor thirsty fans will get. Enjoy it while it lasts, I suppose. Next time Cale exposes his skin to this extent, he will definitely be dying or something.

No, wait, there's also that bathrobe scene in like 50 chapters, isn't there...? Darn, the author really likes drawing Cale exposed. Ok, have some fanservice as a treat, why don't you... I'll just politely avert my eyes.

Anyway, we are finally meeting our MC, Cale, aka. Kim Rok Soo, the transmigrator who fell asleep reading a novel, and the next day woke up as one of its minor villains. We see a glimpse of Cale's old body, and all we can tell is that KRS has (probably) black hair, a fit body and a black outfit. Pretty non-descript.

KRS, which will be called Cale from now on, looks at himself in the mirror, and thinks that this is bad. His expression is kind of cute, as you can tell through the sweat drops that he's distressed, but he keeps a rather calm expression in spite of the situation. This will become a trend, because even though the Manhwa made Cale more expressive than in the webnovel, he's still someone who appears calm almost all of the time. It will cause quite a lot of misunderstandings in the future.

Cale thinks about his situation and provides some background about himself: he was an orphan who didn't have friends or family to miss back home. So, he decides to make most of this new chance at life.

We get more shots of Cale as he considers his lack of scar, and who OG Cale was as a character. Once again, I really love his expressions. They're very calm and thoughtful and they really fit his character a lot. The author truly came up with an excellent design for the MC.

There is some more of exposition monologue, which the author birlliantly illustrates with images of the room Cale is currently in. It's a clever technique, as they are clearly from Cale's POV, and we get a better idea of his surroundings and the atmosphere. Simply put: Cale's family is loaded, and you can tell from every item in the room. Very good use of "time" by the author.

We also get the first "chibi" image of Choi Han, and it's adorable.

The panel of Cale's Very Serious Face as he states "For now, let's try not to get hit" is the first glimpse of comedy in TCF. It all starts with Cale's very simple and very selfish motive: he doesn't want to get beaten up by Choi Han, the protagonist of "The Birth of a Hero" novel. Cale's very simple plan will soon become very complicated, and the viewer can tell from the dramatic ZING effect in the background. Cale, darling, I have a strong feeling it won't turn out quite as you hope...

Another shot of Cale's naked body, the biggest thus far, please spare me I am a poor little prude over here... also, I can hear all the thirsty fans fainting and nosebleeding over here. My goodness. That's enough of that bathing scene, thank you!

We finish off with Cale stating his dream – to live a peaceful life – and that's the end of the prologue.

Nakedness aside, this chapter was a very solid introduction. The art style is very nice, and depite my nitpicks I think the author is really talented. The story is framed in an interesting way with a glimpse of humor, which will get explored later. Overall, not a bad start, not at all.

Feel free to leave comments!

[Index] [Next >]

#tcf #trash of the count's family #lcf #lout of the count’s family #tcf manhwa #review #manhwa review #tcf manhwa review series #tcf manhwa chapter 0

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kicktwine · 3 years

Note

do you have more thoughts on keyblade fighting that you need to put somewhere, because i have two hands ready to catch Should The Need Arise

anon: hey I heard you mention you’d analysed the combat styles in KH and what you said in the tags was already alluding to really neat stuff, but I for one would love to hear more of what you came up with!! so if you ever wanted to share any of your analysis then the floor is yours

aHAH, MY EXCUSE!!

Okay, so first some words on “standardized wielding styles”. These are styles shared by Terra, Aqua, Vanitas, Riku, and Xehanort and every other scala and daybreak kid. I will make the argument that the red style is the fanciest standard style, while the purple is seen often to make it easier on the little chibi sprites. BUT, I cannot discredit Eraqus, who uses the purple variant in bbs, nor can I discredit half of the Foretellers (Gula and Ava, at least, use this. Invi and Aced use the first type). So, two standard styles. For simplicity, let’s say one for primary offense, one for primary defense. The standard offensive style really wasn’t popular before Scala-era society.

check this difference out, specifically between ava invi and gula:

then between eraqus, hermod, and xehanort, and eraqus and terra.

These two were likely popularized and standardized for education in Scala ad Caelum for their predominant lack of obvious weak spots.

After this, we have unique styles. Those include Sora Kairi and Xion’s (similar to standard defense, but more mobile at the expense of form — Kairi takes after Sora but less confident, she hasn’t been hit that heavily yet), Ven’s (backhand, heavy range and mobility), Roxas’ (modified for two keyblades, but takes after Sora), and Axel’s (taught himself, comfortable with chakrams).

So! Let’s go.

Standard (offensive)

All styles have sub-variations, of a sense. Different wielders can choose where their keyblade points, and how they hold it exactly, based on what makes them most comfortable. Terra and Aqua point theirs downward, while Vanitas and Riku hold theirs above their head. What is recognizeable to this style is a hand for the sword, and a hand for guarding/blocking/items/magic.

It’s incredibly efficient. With only one hand on the weapon, you not only free up a hand for other things, but increase your range of movement with said weapon. Test it out yourself! The keyblade hand is always your dominant hand, held behind you for increased power when attacking (since you lose a significant amount of it by choosing not to grip with both hands). This style also decreases the speed of the defense you have, but with that increased mobility and swing power, along with a hand free to brace against the keyblade (defense strength up!), it makes up for it. Many people who use this also have strong barrier spells — both a testament to their preference for coverage and an acknowledgement that any directional block will take a little longer and be weaker if they try it with one hand.

The pointy end, though. What difference does it actually make, the height it’s at?

I think it’s half a matter of attack style preference and half intention. Riku, Vanitas, and Xehanort stab quite a bit. Aqua and Terra slice more. Not that they don’t do both, but it’s the first instinct. Aqua and Terra are also likely taught to hold their keyblade neutrally, in a safe position, until someone starts attacking. It’s polite! Eraqus also holds his one-handed, neutrally, until he gets into position. Riku and Vanitas learned to fight assuming everyone was out to fight them. Invi and Aced may like this style because of range (i hc she’s blind and strikes very very quickly, and he’s already very powerful with just the one arm and wants better motion).

and on character specifics: Terra often switches to two-handed, to copy his dad and add extra power to his hits without always sacrificing the empty hand. Vanitas likely was forced to relearn how to fight, as instead of solely being trained to be better at withstanding, he was constantly being made to better his own attacks. The moves Xehanort uses would best be replicated in the same style. Vanitas is wild for holding the massive spiky x-blade like that.

Now, what‘s good on this style does not correlate to what’s bad in the other. The two standard styles simply have different ways of dealing with each con they create or taking advantage of each pro.

(Here’s an interesting side note — Gula uses standard defensive, but in this instance, swaps. One hand… likely to display confidence! Wrong move, but hey. He got cocky. He’s also doing it wrong, and swaps back to two-handed to take Aced’s attack.)

Standard (defensive)

The main detriment of this style is the lack of ease of long range movement. Hold a wrapping paper tube out in front of you with both hands, then run. It goes to the side, or tucks in to your stomach, right? Dodge. Your legs will get in the way unless you know where to move that sword. It requires, interestingly, a little more discipline. You’d think Aqua would like that, but no, she wants movement and practicality, and she loves magic, and remember that you must take a hand off this style to grab a potion. You’d think young Eraqus wouldn’t, but remember that he’s a fancy royal lad.

The main draw, though, is tankiness, readiness, and power. You don’t need to move as much if nothing dares hit you! Ava and Gula might be attracted to this style because they’re not as physically strong, but want protection in close-quarters fighting. Using this style when your muscles aren’t as big but you still want to Hit Things Good, or when you want to be a boy you can’t knock over with a pail of water (horse stance rules), is probably solid advice.

Traditionally, this is a lot less like fencing, and a lot more like a samurai sword or kendo. Your blade is held in front of you, giving you very easy access to blocks and frontal attack/defense. In losing some twirly spinniness, you gain power and minimize your opponent’s ability to parry and block.

you gotta dodge master Eraqus so mcuh

All styles will swap between one and two hands for different moves. Eraqus, notably, swaps to a stance very similar to Xehanort when channeling a metric ton of magic.

Both of these styles require a degree of upper body/core strength, as does all swordfighting. I would be interested to see someone whose keyblade style relies on leg strength.

Sora, Xion, and Kairi

please look at the difference between the foretellers’ or eraqus’ two-handed grip and Sora’s. Do this with your shoulders and a top-heavy object.

They’re both in a hard stance, but hon. What are you, a gremlin? Anyways, a traditionally taught master would have… better form, even if it’s harder to learn at first. It’s habitual. Sora nearly crouches, and holds his keyblade back-pointed with two hands, which makes it easier for him to dodge roll, push off his feet quickly, and pull off those spinning combos he loves. It‘s really gonna hurt his muscles, in the future, though, since he’s doing a squat for like…. hours. Pulling on those shoulderblades and neck. Xion, too. Replicas had better have correct muscle dynamics. Kairi is brand new, so… maybe Aqua can teach her how to hold a sword so it doesnt hurt you.

Okay, now look at the grip itself. Held in front versus held to the side-back. They’re really attempting to combine both standard styles subconsciously, giving themselves more attack power while really wanting to keep that hard defensive parry, wanting to prevent all attacks to the front while also wanting mobility. It’s working for them really well, they fight like an anime character, and manage to get the best of both, with a minor sacrifice of length range that they don’t care about. We’re flexible and full of magic, baby! Holding the blade like this makes it pretty easy to let go with one hand without sacrificing that crouched defense position.

Now, Sora, specifically, is very adaptive. He’s had two keyblades, claws, guns, yo-yos, and a giant shield, to name a couple. He retains a bit of that alert crouch no matter where he goes, but Sora knows how he wants to attack and how to balance that with the most effective way to use his current weapon. He’s a smart kid! Sora has the most ridiculous shotlocks, which are also probably due to not always wanting to go standard for it. He also prefers to keep his focus on the enemy, which is evident in his reprisals and lack of very many effective “escape” moves.

Xion is very similar to Sora, but she does have some moves that are all movement. She switches to one handed for strikes a lot — using two for defending, one for smacking. In her data battle I’d swear some of those heavy hits are claymore-like. But anyways, since we’re magic, Xion cares not for the laws of exhaustion, and will ping about as a ball of light everywhere. Short range? Up in your business. Mid-range? In your business with one hand. Long range? Throws a boomerang. Hit her? No you dont. Ball of light. She’s above you and wants to bash your head in. (Vanitas also does this! A lot. It’s an easy way to catch someone off-guard. I’ll argue that the soras are very tough and strong, but not tanky. they want to avoid being hit a lot)

Another interesting note about Kairi. I say “unconfident” not because she doesn’t hit hard, but because her stance is also often tilted back, ready to dodge. It’s two handed, but almost all her moves are one. She does love spinning and throwing the thing! It looks like she’s been taking notes from the wielders she knows. It would be easy to teach her a standard style, I think. See here, she lets go on the strike, and by trying to do both, actually ends up with an advantage (being confusing) and disadvantage (losing both the power of two handed and versatility of one handed).

A counter to Sora and Xion is difficult to pin down. Time? Probably. Lack of heating pads. Something that takes all their attention is about the only way to get a sneak attack in, and then you have to hit hard. A counter to Kairi would be anyone who can knock her off balance. She needs a sturdier stance. .

Roxas

Roxas is interesting. He takes after Sora for the one blade. Wielding two, however, nets him a totally different way of fighting. Roxas’ clavicle muscles n… deltoids and stuff must be Ironclad. Also, two handed means you are very fast and sharp all the time. He has the advantage of standard defense (horse stance), and the advantage of offense (range of one sword, but twice).

Roxas generally attacks in two ways — simultaneous hits, and follow-up hits. Either he hits with both at once, or hits hard with the first one, and adds the second one as a bonus smack. He can attack by hitting in opposite directions with the two, like a drum, but that will be a little awkward and leave him prone to being tangled. That established, the follow-up hit method means he spins a bunch. As do we all.

Roxas gets a little complicated because we are not in the real world. We have magic and turning into light and physics that let you become a circular saw. So, typically, disadvantages would include: being unable to let go of a weapon to grab something or use an item, having just a very big silhouette to attack on, having difficulty with close-range attacks because Oathkeeper and Oblivion are kinda long, and convenience. Roxas gets to dodge #1 (keyblades can be unsummoned) and #4 (keyblades can be unsummoned). Speaking of dodging, he also gets to skirt the difficulty of dodging and rolling with two swords because he turns into a beam of light. But he can’t dodge how difficult it is to use two swords effectively — he needs to concentrate on fighting, and nothing else, or he risks messing up. He has to be very, very coordinated, and undistracted. Luckily he’s pretty good at making his opponents shut up, most of the time. Blocking is another thing — theoretically his blocks could be strong, but Roxas has no real brace: crossing your blades and taking a hefty stab might smack one of them back into your face. He mostly uses reversals and dodges, because of this.

The takeaway to this is Roxas is built for speed and power, and he is very strong. He’s a mid- to far- range fighter who if you’re not careful can snap you in half if you’re too close (be SO careful of that cross blade scissor).

A perfect counter to Roxas would be a tank that can grapple, and also be very distracting. If you can take hits, be talkative, and get close enough to stop his blades, you have a chance.

Ventus

This is a bizarre choice, my guy, but I get it.

Backhanded weapons are very impractical for a lot of... attacking, mainly in mid-range combat, and Ven likes to either fight very close or throw the keyblade like a boomerang (and hey, backhand gives it a good whip for throwing). His attacks aren’t meant to one hit KO, but they do come with a bit of power to them, especially on the backslash. Like holding a knife for gouging. It’s for very close defense — pretty good when Wayward Wind and Missing Ache have hooks.

Backhand also, while retaining that empty hand for potions and guarding, gives you an extreme coverage boost. By which I mean Ven’s sword hand now has a nearly 270 degree sweep of “I see you, don’t touch me”, very quickly, based on just flicking his wrist. It sacrifices a ton of strength/sturdiness, but you don’t need that if you’re dodging. You also don’t really need to block, which is slower, but relatively sturdy when Ven does it, as he blocks with mostly the chunky hilt between crossed arms. He sacrifices (again) a bit of strength for coverage — an attack would hurt his arms, not his chest, if he were hit head-on.

His attacks often have him flip the blade around in his hand, too. Quick swaps between standard moves and backhand ones. Basically, Ventus is built for moving, protecting himself, and quick attacks that wear down the enemy, not outclass it. Likely because he’s good at fighting, but everyone he’s fought hits harder than he can! It doesn’t matter how he holds it, getting hit will hurt. So he just. Doesn’t. He’s not a buff little guy — but he is a persistent one. Ven very likely made this up on his own, in Daybreak, and it was too hard to fix his whole style, but it was enough to correct most of his form so he doesn’t hurt himself too much. He is going to have to really stretch that shoulder and wrist (maybe get a brace), though. At least his neck is ok. … not sure about his knees tho dang boy that crouch

A perfect counter to Ven would be someone big and fast, who hits hard mid-range. He’s already been sparring with Terra, though, so when in doubt, try scruffing him?

Axel

Theres not a ton to say about him — he‘s not a swordfighter. He uses his keyblade like it’s a frisbee. Because that’s what he’s used to! His neutral is behind his back on his shoulder, which is terrible for readiness, but okay for chucking the thing. It’s good it has a sort of… ripstik like… boomerang quality.

Axel’s fighting style is completely made up, like most of the self-taught wielders’. His strengths lie in some of the benefits of standard offensive style (one-handed), and some of the same coverage stuff as Ven, having a cocked wrist most of the time so no one can sneak up around him without risking getting whacked very quickly, and having an interesting range due to the pointy end being basically on a spinny swivel wherever his hand moves. He’s not going to be good at close-range and he knows it — his attacks are mostly distance. And the guy has ZERO defense, combined with zero coverage when idle, so it’s for the better.

Distance-wise, though, he rocks. Treating the blade like it’s a flaming throwing weapon means his idle is actually great for sudden flick-tossing and attention-guiding for sneakier attacks, and his stance itself (…nonexistent) serves a different purpose: bait. Basically a big "come hit me". Fun, when you have a lot of fire magic and two friends who are beasts and love to take advantage of a distracted enemy — distance on the blade, proximity on the burning.

A perfect counter to Axel would be someone pinging around very close <—> very far and circling him incessantly. Like, data Xion could wreck him, as he has to wait for the boomerang to come back -- he no longer has two spinny wheels. Also someone with water magic.

SO! In conclusion! Having a teacher who teaches you correct sword usage rather than instinct may detract from overspecific styles that benefit you most but leave weak spots, but your muscles and your oversights will thank you. Everyone is glad we have the power of the Mouse and anime on our side.

Keep in mind again that I have done cursory research, and have had minimal actual sword instruction, I am not an expert and this is all for fun anyways :]

#I ran out of images which is homophobic #KH #ask #mojimallow #THANKS MOJI #If you’re wondering what the counter would be to Terra and Aqua; in terms of counters there are no counters #not style-wise anyways. That’s why they’re standard.#Terra can’t react very fast and Aqua needs more mp but that’s individual #and we are mostly talking BASE COMBAT here #of course lingering will can use keyblade transformations and there’s magic strategies — but that would make this post… much longer #brrrrrrr #kh analysis #kh meta #thanks to the handful of other people who asked me to expand on the same thing <3<3<3 #REALLY wanted to include one of Invi blocking — just go watch invi and aced fight for two standard offense #it Shows off their strengths and weaknesses #… no living adults do the two handed grip. Watch Sora and Xion’s data battle for an approximation I guess??#you. Hey you. Look in the notes rn #metazone

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therealvinelle · 3 years

Note

I know this is like taking a bat to the beehive but... I really wanna hear your opinions on the whole... Imprinting thing

(Note before we go any further: this meta is written purely about the shapeshifting aspect of the Quileute characters, I don’t at all get into the racism in Twilight or any kind of social commentary. This is a purely watsonian meta. Others in this fandom have already addressed the racial dynamics at play, far more eloquently and knowledgeably than me. If I say something in here that’s in any way offensive, that’s not my intention and I’m open to criticism.)

Ooh imprinting.

I touch upon it here, basically I hate it.

The imprinting is part of this theme where the shapeshifters lose their free will and autonomy, and I find it tragic, cruel, and unnecessary.

First of, the fact that they have to phase at all.

They’re made warriors to protect their tribe. There’s no choice involved, only genetics and magic irrevocably changing their lives, and at a ridiculously young age, too. Sam is the oldest of them, and he is 19.

Violence is an inherent part of what they become. Their purpose is to protect the tribe, by fighting vampires. Not only is this insanely dangerous (we see Jake get so injured by a single vampire that he’s bedridden for weeks), but if they succeed, they will have killed. In the singularly brutal manner of tearing apart and burning someone who looks a lot like a human, who talks and might beg for their life, at that. And I remind you, most of these shapeshifters are literal children. They might not see vampires as people, but all the same, killing one can’t be good for their mental wellbeing. (Thought: Perhaps an argument can be made for Laurent’s death having a part in the turn Jake’s personality took? Some, though not many, of the symptoms for PTSD do fit. I don’t know enough about PTSD to pursue this train of thought, but it occurred to me just now, in particular he becomes quite aggressive and prone to outbursts after that incident, so into a parenthesis it goes)

Not to mention how inhumane that responsibility is. Vampires in the Twilight-verse are terrifying, and the shapeshifters might have the power to fight them. But (and this is where I plug one of my all-time favorite animes, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, as it asks the question “Is it okay to sacrifice yourself for others?” because that’s... well there’s a parallel to be made to the shapeshifters. It’s on Netflix!) does that mean they should? Is it really their responsibility? Again- they’re kids!

Then there’s the time Sam lost control, and accidentally mauled the girl he loved. And it’s so cruel to both him and Emily. Sam never chose to have to control himself in the first place, he never chose shapeshifting. He didn’t choose to imprint on Emily either, and he didn’t choose to lose control that day. At no point in the series of events that led to Emily being mauled did Sam have any real choice, and yet he will shoulder the guilt for what happened for the rest of his life.

These kids get superpowers, and several of them seem to enjoy being shapeshifters, but the fact remains that they now carry this huge responsibility to protect their families and homes, doing so is incredibly dangerous, they lose out on their regular lives, and they can’t opt out of it.

This all sucks, but then we get to the fact that they are deprived of their free will, as their alpha can issue an order they physically can’t break. The alpha becomes alpha because of bloodlines, not because of a democratic election. Jake got a mockery of a choice in that he could choose to become alpha himself, or let Sam continue, which was really just choosing between a rock and a hard place. There is no limitation to what this order can be, from “don’t say X to person Y” to “let’s kill someone you love”. Jake has to struggle to break that last one, and he’s only successful because of the bloodline thing letting him become his own alpha.

Oh, and there’s the massive invasion of privacy when they have a hive mind. Cool concept, less cool to have it be reality. Leah is the poster child for how a hive mind can backfire, and they can’t opt out of this.

I’m not good at gifs, but the shapeshifters just make me think of that gif of someone flicking a lightswitch on and off, “WELCOME TO HELL!”. Of course, Twilight in general is a pit of despair for everybody, so I suppose that gif really is... well it sums up all of canon.

So, we have these kids aged 19 or younger, as of Breaking Dawn they skew as young as thirteen, their lives are turned upside down by something they can’t opt out of, they must shoulder this huge responsibility to protect their homes and families from the terrifying threat of vampires, and on top of all of that, they must obey orders that are so irresistible, they can compel them to harm someone they care for.

With all of that in mind, you’d think that the shapeshifters had enough on their plate. That through all of this they would at least retain their selves, and be able to look forward to a future where they could stop phasing, and go on to live normal, human, lives.

Yeah, NOT IF THEY IMPRINT.

I’ll just quote Jake’s description:

Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the halfvampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was—my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self—disconnected from me in that second—snip, snip, snip—and floated up into space.

I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was.

Not one string, but a million. Not strings, but steel cables. A million steel cables all tying me to one thing—to the very center of the universe.

I could see that now—how the universe swirled around this one point. I’d never seen the symmetry of the universe before, but now it was plain.

The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood. (Breaking Dawn, page 237)

Everything that made me who I was disconnected from me.

Jake’s love for his father, his home, his very own self, it’s all gone now. And while I have thoughts on the authenticity of this imprint, whether it was organic, the description above is apparently how imprinting feels. It’s along the lines of what Sam, Jared, and Paul all describe.

I don’t think I can put into words just how devastating I find imprinting, I think the above quotation speaks for itself. And as with all other shapeshifter things, there is no choice involved.

We see its devastating effects in the Emily, Sam, and Leah debacle. Sam and Leah were serious together, so much so that they were engaged. Sam had fallen for and chosen to be with Leah. Perhaps they would have broken up eventually, but Leah was still the choice he made. Then he imprints on Emily, and all that is for naught. He had to break up with Leah, who if she hadn’t phased never would have learned why, Emily and Leah’s relationship is ruined, and Emily must forever live with the knowledge that if Sam had his free will intact he would be with another woman.

Then there’s Jared and Kim. Kim crushed on Jared, but Jared never noticed her. The fact that they were in the same class is damning: if a boy is attracted to a girl, he's gonna notice her. Jared never did.

Quil imprints on Claire, who is a toddler. That’s just a recipe for misery and disaster all around.

And I’ve only touched the shapeshifter side of things. They lose their autonomy and freedom, but the imprintées draw the short straw too. They’re now responsible for this other person’s happiness. Sure, having someone who’ll be whatever you need them to be sounds nice (well, it sounds horrifying, but I’m playing ball) on paper, but you can’t opt out of them being like that. The imprintée can’t say “Sorry, not interested,” and she certainly can’t shut the imprinter out of her life, not without irrevocably ruining the imprinter’s life. The imprinter needs her. She’s the center of his earth now, but she didn’t choose to be.

Imprinting is a liferuiner for everyone involved.

Then we have the question of what imprinting is even for. I’m afraid I agree with Billy, that it’s for procreation. We see Sam, who was dating a woman about to phase (even if Leah isn’t infertile, she’s a warrior now. She can’t run in the woods and fight vampires, and gestate and nurse a child at the same time) conveniently imprint on her cousin, who as cousin to Leah is from a shifter bloodline. Claire, as Emily’s cousin, has those same genetics. Paul imprints on a woman from the Black family line. Jake is the outlier, but either Renesmée’s gift helped that imprinting along, or he imprinted because of the offspring they could potentially have (I firmly believe it’s the former because the latter... NOPE. Also, I can’t imagine whatever magic drives imprinting would want vampiric progeny for the future generations. Regardless of Renesmée’s person, her biology is wired to desire human blood. That’s exactly what Jake is supposed to protect people from. Bad match.).

I just.... ughhh. God, I hate imprinting so much, and on every level.

To me, everything about the shapeshifters is about free will, autonomy, and the loss thereof. And it would have been beautiful if their story was about reclaiming that, but it isn’t. None of this, with the exception of the alpha orders, is even acknowledged.

So, in summation, yes I hate imprinting, but it’s only the horror cherry on top of a very sad and problematic cake.

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familyagrestefanblog · 3 years

Text

Analysis of the Family Agreste Portrait

Quarantine strikes again and since the Agreste family portrait has fascinated me for a loooong while now I decided to put my thoughts into words and write another essay x3

The amount of informations we get out if it is amazing and its not only highlighting the absolute TRAGEDY it is that this family is about to face such a horrible fall out, it also hints at the former family dynamic before everything went to hell.

So make yourself comfortable and get something to drink, because we will be here for a while.

Here we go: My analysis of this beauty of a fictional portrait

Let's start with the most obvious one: Hawkmoth.

Its commen knowledge by now that the background makes it seem like Hawkmoth is standing behind the Agreste family like a bad omen waiting for fate to take its course and cause their doom. The portrait is brilliantly designed so the illusion is created that Gabriels body (here in a blue suit closer to Hawkmoths normals dark purple one) overlaps with Hawkmoths and a darker line is connecting the two faces as well, which rest on the same height right beside each other. The very same line grows bigger as it goes further behind Emilie - coloring her entire background - showing us that EMILIE is all Gabriel sees when he becomes Hawkmoth. But notice that Adrien on the other hand can hardly be concidered part of Gabriels “sight” at all.

Its forshadowing 101 and damn beautiful if I may say so. But this isnt what I want to focus on in this post.

I want to elaborate on two other key factors that tell us about the former dynamic of the Agrestes instead and what they tell us about the present and future.

The heart:

This is hitting me on another level because look at the heart these three form with Adrien right in the middle! He was so LOVED. This family may have never been anywhere close to ideal but still, there was LOVE and now he's gonna loose it all.

Adrien already lost his mother which led to his father getting even more distant and cold and now his father is becoming increasingly more abusive as he falls deeper and deeper into villainy. Gabriel was never a good father, the show has already made this clear with episodes like "the bubbler", “the collector” or "Gigantitan" for example but gosh there was hope for their little family! The end scene in "Jackady" portrayed it perfectly and I wrote a whole other post just covering the sigificants of Adriens and Gabriels hug in that episode. Check it out here if you want, it goes hand in hand with this one.

Miraculous is all about love and the completely different ways it can affect us, our behavior and actions. Because love isnt just wonderful, pure and empowering, it also can be twisted, destructive and cause the darkst nightmares. And with this family the writers know how to portray the complex love in an abusive houshold thats destined to go up in flames and they also know how to hint at their troubled past with the family portrait.

But this heart visual tells us even more in connection with the positions of their hands. And with these two key factors, lets start with Gabriel:

His hands convey it so strongly. He loves/d Emilie and Adrien so much and no doubt this love for them was certainly the reason why he started his quest as Hawkmoth. But he is now losing himself more and more in the pleasure of his villainy to the point where he forgets why he's doing it in the first place and becomes a complete monster (of a father). But this turn and spiraling into villainy didn't came out of nowhere - this root already had to be in him to grow like that. And this is also something the portrait indeed hints at as well.

Because Gabriel is the only one of the three who:

1. We see so completely open and without hesitation reach out and hold BOTH his family members.

2. Is visually “cut off” from them as well.

But this doesn't mean he was excluded and the only one who truly cared and loved, it just shows that things were more... complicated...as usual.

This is best explained with Adriens hand placements:

One hand is holding his mothers but the other one is visibly not reaching out for his father. But as we all know, that's not because Adrien doesn't love him. In season 1-3 it is made more than clear that Adrien does not hate his father - he loves him alot and tries to be there for him and be patient because he knows that the loss of his mother brought his father terribly down.

Sure, Adrien gets frustrated and angry with him, literally how could he not?? But Adrien tries his best to reach out to Gabriel so they can bond and come out of this tragedy stronger.

But this loving willingness to forgive his father for the chance of growing a father-son bond with him doesn't change the fact that these two didn't had a bond prior to this. And let's be honest here, does anybody actually think this distance between them was caused by Adrien? I don't think so.

So notice how Adriens hand - not reaching out for his fathers - is the only one in the portrait NOT inside or forming the heart.

When the connection of the hands between the family members symbolise their connection to another, then Adrien keeping the hand for his father away from the display of love is VERY telling. It tells us very directly what this distance did to Adriens side of the relationship. Despite Gabriels hand being right there, Adrien does not meet the gesture. And I cannot believe that he did it out of resentment, nothing in the show indicated such strong negative emotions from past Adrien.

It's much more likely that Adrien not reaching for his fathers hand is meant to show us that Adrien felt that he either CAN'T return the gesture because he fears that it'll end in an unpleasant reaction from Gabriel - that it isn't Adriens "place" to reach out to his busy and distant father like that, like it's demanding something - or Adrien simply didn't took Gabriel laying his hand on his shoulder, in the context of posing for a portrait, as a gesture of love and affection.

The way I interpret the portrait is that prior to Emilies dissappearence Adrien did not exactly try to reach out to his father the same way he did from s1-s3, which, I mean, of course wasn't the case. Not only is it NOT the 13 years olds (or younger) job to form an emotional connection to their absent parent - when that’s the PARENTS job - it also wouldn't be necessarily "needed" for Adrien to do so.

Because Emilie at this point was still in the picture so and she was the complete opposite. She was a (or maybe the ONLY) safe, reliable and loving constant of parental attention, affection and care in his life and because of these two HARSH contrasts Adrien learned from very early on to focus mostly completely on her in that regard while kinda blocking his father out.

That most likely wasn't even an active choice whatsoever - Gabriel proofed to be an unreliable resource so Adrien learned to subconciously treat him that way out of self protection. That doesn't mean he had any kind of dislike or malice against his father it just means that he wasn't able or allowed to connect with Gabriel the way he needed. Several episodes show that Gabriel deadass only parented like 15 minutes tops in his life with one of the worst offenders kinda being “Gigantitan” ngl.

So yeah, when I see that the portrait wants to tell me that prior to Emilies loss, Adrien - a 12-13 year old at most - is THIS used to rely solely on the strong bond he has with his mother and not even really reaching out for his fathers love, then I can't help but interpret it in the way that... Well... Gabriel was so distant and emotionally unreliable to Adrien for all his life, that Gabriel simply... wasn't needed by his son. Not at that point of time at least.

And while this may seem weird, because obviously Adrien only now starts to stop craving for his fathers affection and approval (which is btw a horrible, HORRIBLE thing and not something good. A half orphan losing the last remaining hope he had left of having the chance to finally get to form a bond with the only other parent he has left, just to be crushed by disappointment and abandonment all over again until he let's go, is REALLY NOT as much of a good thing people will make it out to be. This is... plain awful) it's actually quite logical.

Adriens hand outside the heart doesn't mean that his father meant nothing to him and therefore refuses to meet and accept his affection (that's literally the complete opposite of what the show shows us), it means that Adriens and Gabriels father-son relationship suffers from a fatal emotional disconnection caused by miscommunication/ a lack of communication.

And this was caused by Gabriel. How? Let me elaborate on that by going a bit far afield (cuz lbh we all have time for this. I’m writing this in quarantine and youre reading this is quarantine, so lets gooooooooooooo).

In "The bubbler" Adrien says that his father "always forgot his birthday", but I cannot agree with this in true honesty. Gabriel is controlling his sons entire life, calls him "the epitome of perfection" and temporarily truly gave up being Hawkmoth for him, he definitely never forgot Adriens birthday.

"The bubbler" even SHOWS us that Adriens perspective of the situation is actually not the truth:

This is Adriens first birthday after Emilies dissappearence and it's incredibly telling how Gabriel handles the planning.

What this entire little sequence tells me is that Gabriel is completely and UTTERLY used to NOT be the one to take care of anything related to Adriens birthday. So Emilie was always the one who did it but somehow - now without her - Gabriel apparently still hasn't even considered changing anything about that nasty non-involvement and just expected Natalie to pick everything up where Emilie left it.

Because let's be real here, knowing Natalie she would NOT have forgotten to get a present if Gabriel truly had told her to. Natalie is never presented to do mistakes like that but Gabriel on the other hand IS definitely presented to us claiming things about himself as ultimate, blameless and true when they simply do not reflect reality. A great example: Gorizilla

You didn’t even speared a minutes of your time for Adrien and he DID try to! Asshat… It's a problem guys. The lack of self awareness Gabriel displays in moments like this is legitimately concerning when you think about how deeply this man is falling right now.

But back to the topic:

Because even if Gabriel didn't even consider doing anything himself for Adriens birthday - not even taking the time to SEE his son (who just recently lost his mother, come on Gabe, really?) - one thing one cannot hold against him: he sure as hell remembered Adriens birthday like any decent parent would and it wasnt portrayed as a this-year-for-the-first-time thing.

And yet Adriens statement still makes complete sense. Because a big, BIG problem with Gabriel is just how much he takes things for granted. He EXPECTS things to be universally known and to never be doubted, just because that's how HE sees them. I will write 10 essays if it's needed to make people understand that Gabriel DOES truly love Adrien, it's just that Gabriel HIMSELF is such a rotten, twisted and toxic person that he cannot see how much his (oppressing) behavior and the way he (doesn't) express his love hurts Adrien and that HE is the one at fault. (for more, once again, read this)

Gabriel LOVES Adrien but he takes the love he feels as such a matter-of-fact that he just completely... forgets to show it.

And when we take Adriens words and look at the Family portrait it unfortunately seems that...

…. Gabriel ALWAYS forgot to show it.

Adriens hand - that should at least be reaching out to his father - is outside of the heart in accepting certainty. Because that's what Gabriels non-presence was for Adrien while growing up: an unreliable and unreachable certainty he had to accept early on as safer to not try to emotionally depend on too much or else he will get hurt.

So yeah, Adrien is the one in the portrait who is very openly not reaching out but only because Gabriel never gave him the needed affection and stability to be able to create that bond.

But let me correct what I said a little earlier: Adrien ALWAYS needed his father. Every kid, especially one in a bad situation like Adrien, does need their parents/friends etc as support system to become independent and confident in a healthy way. And if they don’t have that they WILL crave and look for it!

What Adrien has been doing up to now IS normal for a teenager - humans NEED affection, belonging and safety. What ISNT/SHOULDN’T be normal is Adriens disconnection towards his father in the portrait and just how much Gabriel fails to take care and BE THERE for his son in BOTH TIMES!

Collector:

Bother Christmas:

One thing I like about the show is that it portrays their young main cast with one very important truth: The psyche of a child/teenager of their age will react and adapt so it SURVIVES, even if it results in unfortunate consequences in other relationships and places. Thats the psyches main concern and it'll try to cope with the limited experience and development it has in whatever way necessary to get itself to the next day. A coping mechanism is not there to make you a better person, it ensures your SURVIVAL, everything else is a secondary concern.

So seeing pre-show Adrien not react to Gabriels touch and even feel completely unloved and disconnected from him is no surprise to me. Kids are incredibly observant. They may lack the needed experience and knowledge to truly understand that they deserve better and to stand up for themselves but they are masters in picking up red flags in people and can put this danger into perspective while comparing the different danger levels of their options of people and places to adjust their behavior.

Feast:

Stormy Weather 2:

So the broken connection between father and son we see in the portrait (that Gabriel doesn't even notice but Adrien fully internalized) isn’t there because Adrien “didnt needed” or wanted his father, its because Adrien NEEDED Gabriel so much in his isolated upbringing but Gabriel didn’t LET him need him - so Adrien had to adjust to that accordingly. Big, huge, ENORMOUS difference.

Honestly the most miraculous thing about Miraculous is that Adrien was able to bring up the strength to stay positive and friendly and to forgive Gabriel in hope for a better future. That boys situation is 7 kinds of depressing and traumatizing...

It's just flabbergasting to me how well this portrait shows how basically non-existent their relationship was at that point. And it's horrible to know that this estranged and unformed bond is all Adrien had left after Emilie dissappeared, just alot worse because after Emilie incident Adrien states that his father changed alot for the worse as well.

So to think that all Adrien had left wasn't even this former basically non-existent relationship with his aloof father - who would only barely show his true affection for his son because he's either not around enough to do so or he thinks it "unnecessary to proof his affection" for/to Adrien because he already thinks it so obvious and undoubtable.

Well he thought wrong. And GOSH, it breaks my heart!

So now comparing the "Gabriel" hand from Adrien with the one representing his connections with his mother conveys a pretty harsh contrast.

Because last but not least, let's take a look at Emilies hand placements:

But here is now an interesting difference to Adrien. Whereas we openly see that Adriens side of the Adrien-Gabriel relationship is completely disconnected from the heart/love - showcasing just how badly Adrien has always been neglected by his father - we don't see Emilies hand in her Emilie-Gabriel relationship AT ALL.

Once again just like with Adrien, this doesn't mean she didn't love her husband and that Gabriel was used and fooled by the woman he so utterly adored. It just means that from Emilies point of view things were a bit more complicated. What exactly this is, the portrait is keeping secret from us. We have no way of knowing if and how Emilie is returning her husbands gesture. All we can say is that if she does she is definitely not doing it in such an open and unconflicted way as she does with Adrien.

But since when has anything with this family been this easy?

One thing the portrait makes very clear, Adrien and Emilie had a strong and good bond. Definitely the healthiest because the Adrien-Emilie connection is the only one depicted without any kind of disruption from both sides. Both mother and son are reaching out for the other ones hand creating a whole half of the heart, showcasing their affection for another openly and without any of the implied doubts the other connections display. And honestly? Comparing all the hand placements, the one connecting Adrien and Emilie just comes across as strikingly pure and true (which makes it even worse that it was HER Adrien lost…)

As I said it's a HARSH contrast to the one Adrien shears with Gabriel. This contrast is highlighted even further by the way these three face on another.

Emilie and Adrien are positioned facing another and so are Emilie and Gabriel. Telling us that Emilie was "face-to-face" aka involved with both her husband and son. It is Adrien and Gabriel were this looks wildly different. These two have no way of seeing each other in the eyes the way they stand now/then, further displaying their deeply rooted disconnection. It's portrays perfectly how important Emilie was in this family dynamic, because even though Adrien and Gabriel bearly had a connection at all they at least had Emilie as a link between them, keeping the family together. But then they lost her and where this left both father and son off we know oh too well...

So to collect all the informations we get out if this portrait:

-Adriens and Emilies relationship was the strongest and purest. Both of their hands connect and reach out for another in the heart, showcasing that they had a loving and positive bond.

-Adriens and Gabriels relationship is heavily scarred by a deeply rooted disconnection leaving Adrien feeling unloved and unwanted by his father to the point where Adriens side of their dynamic is outside the heart altogether. Gabriel may love and adore his son just like he loves his wife and never thought he displayed his love for him in a lacking way, but fact is: this love never reached Adrien the way it should have and Adrien is the one in their dynamic who got severely hurt and damaged by it.

-Gabriel was the only one completely unconflicted and happily at peace with the former Family situation. He's reaching out to both his family members with open love and affection in blissful oblivion that neither his wife nor son could return them the same way (to different degrees for different reasons). Gabriel was the ONLY ONE in the Agreste family who didn't saw problems in their lives and thought them all happy, hence why he's so obsessed with changing the past and bringing THIS state of their family back. He was happy and he had everything he needed and loved right with him, of course he wants THIS back. He's not aware that Emilie and ESPECIALLY Adrien did not feel the same about their former situation and that bringing all of them back to this is not the perfect happy ending for their entire family as he thinks.

-Emilie may not have been as unconflicted with Gabriel as he was with her but she is NOT feeling the same disconnection her son feels and isn't depicted with negative feelings towards Gabriel. Her side in the Emilie-Gabriel relationship is neither shown outright positive as with her son or outright bad as Adrien with Gabriel. Her side of their bond is depicted through her unseen hand placement in the unknown area in between.

-Despite their not so unconflicted feelings towards Gabriel - and Gabriel himself being aloof - neither Emilie nor Adrien are actively trying to cut Gabriel out. They aren't flinching away from his touch or exclude him from the heart whatsoever. He's happily included, obviously feeling loved. They may not be 100% happy and Gabriel doesn't notice it, but they aren't denying him his happiness and make him unhappy. Again, he's the only one truly happy here. Something neither Emilie nor Adrien tried to take away from him.

-Emilie and Adrien are facing each other as do Emilie and Gabriel, implying the presence of communication and a bond. Adrien and Gabriel do not face each other, showing their disconnected bond. If they could see each others face Adrien would have been able to see that Gabriels hand is a gesture of genuine affection and Gabriel could see that Adriens expression does not exactly display pure happiness the way he thinks. This also goes for Emilie. Emilie just like her husband is placed BEHIND her son, so even if she is facing him she would not be able to really see just how much Adrien is not satisfied and truly happy with his life at that point (meaning how unhappy being looked up, friendless and at distance with his father actually makes him).

- This fascinating family makes me sad and I like it lol

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winterscaptain · 3 years

Text

tell.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader

a/n: i cannot tell yall how long i have been working on this one, so i'll save it. thanks to @ssaic-jareau for hanging in there with me as i pulled late nights to make this happen over the weekend!! i love you!! i know it's broad daylight for you while im being irresponsible, but i appreciate it nevertheless. let me know what you think, my lovelies! i cherish your thoughts!

words: 7.4k warnings: language, discussion of sex, canon-typical case events

summary: “we are not people who touch each other carelessly; every point of contact between us feels important, a rush of energy and relief.” veronica roth, allegiant. au!may 2012

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | ajf faq | requests closed!

It’s always tough to spend time away from home when you aren’t on a case, but a conference kept you from your boys the last couple of days, on Strauss’s request. Aaron was none too happy about it, but as the junior-most agent in the unit (even with five years under your belt), the shitty seminars and professional development events fell on your shoulders.

Even though you landed early in the morning, flying coach all the way back from California, there was a whole day with Jack waiting for you and Aaron upon your return. A rare Saturday - no case, no paperwork, just family.

You knock on the door with a knuckle, unable to reach your keys around your bags and breakfast.

Aaron opens the door with a “Hey!” coated in laughter, kissing your cheek. He’s still in his pajamas.

You squint at him. “Am I early?”

He snorts. “Never. We’re running late.” He takes the takeout bags and coffee from your hands. “Thank you for breakfast.”

“Of course. I wanted -”

Jack runs across the apartment and slams into you full force. “You’re home!”

You curl around him, your hands on his head and shoulder as he cuddles into you. “I am! I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

His voice is muffled by your shirt and it makes you smile. You glance at Aaron over Jack’s head to find a smile.

“Come look at our fort!” Jack, wearing a blanket cape, takes you by the hand and brings you into the dining room, where the dining room table has been turned into a massive fort fit for a king.

Or, rather, two kings.

“Oh my goodness, Jack. This is incredible, little bug. Your architectural prowess knows no bounds.” You look up at Aaron from your place on the floor. “Where’s your cape?”

His deadpan, as usual, never fails to make you laugh. “Uh, I’m wearing it.”

Jack continues to drag you all the way under the table until you’re laying on your bellies in the little slap-dash shelter.

Aaron flops down on the floor on the other side of Jack. “We slept in here all night.”

“Really? That sounds like so much fun.”

What you mean is, What, with your bad back?

“Mmhmm,” he replies, only to really say -

Yep. I feel like shit.

“Can we sleep in here again tonight, Dad?” Jack asks, turning to Aaron. “All together?”

You exchange a glance with Aaron, who laughs.

So much for grown-up plans...

+++

You’re both scrambling to get ready for the bike ride across the mall and day at the Smithsonian when the phone call comes in.

“Hotchner,” Aaron says, still at the counter, tucking his phone under his chin as he finishes packing the rest of the picnic basket.

He freezes, hastily bagging some carrots and putting them in the basket before holding the phone in his hand and leaning heavily against the counter. “You’re kidding.”

That’s not a good tone.

Jack looks up at you, and you rest your hands on his chest over his shoulders, backing him into you as you watch Aaron with your lip between your teeth.

“Did they raise the terror alert?”

Shit.

“Okay. That’s for the best. Um…” He checks his watch. “I’ll get down there now. Yeah….Do you need the rest -”

With a huff, he meets your eyes and nods.

You let out a sigh and kiss Jack’s head. He knows the drill and runs off for your phone, still charging in the bedroom.

“Understood, ma’am. I’ll be there first. We gotta get Jack squared away but I’ll get going while -” He pauses, probably interrupted by Strauss again. “Thank you...Yes...I’ll be there as soon as I can and the rest of the team will meet at the scene.”

You know that also means you. You also can’t ignore the prick of anxiety that shoots through your belly, knowing he’ll likely be in danger without you for at least a half-hour.

Jack returns with your phone, Jessica already on the line.

+++

Aaron, of course, leaves right away while you wait for Jess.

You sit on the couch with Jack. “I’m so sorry, buddy. We’ll have to do a big day, just the three of us, another time.”

Jack shrugs. “It’s okay. Sometimes you just gotta catch the bad guys.”

The offhand nature of his understanding strikes you as instantly hilarious, and he laughs with you when you double over, wiping tears from your eyes.

“Yeah. Sometimes you just do, kiddo.”

+++

When you finally arrive at the scene, Dave’s already set up hostage negotiation. You cross the street, finding Will and JJ huddled with Emily and Derek.

“You okay?” You ask, placing your hand on Will’s shoulder. He’s not just JJ’s not-husband. He’s your friend, too, all on his own.

“Yeah, jus’ fine.” He shakes his head. “Jus’ a little rattled, is all.”

“Understandable.”

His mouth presses into a thin line as he exhales. “Thanks.” He checks his watch. “Y’all should get on back. I think Strauss just showed up.”

JJ kisses his cheek and trots off to meet the rest of the unit. After another hug for Will, you follow suit.

+++

“The media's calling them the Face Cards. Seven bank robberies in seven months. They've killed one person at each robbery.” Aaron leads the rest of you to the trailer, where the monitors are all set up.

Dave furrows his brow. “M. O.?”

“Single gunshot wound. Each of the victims has bled out.”

That doesn’t make much sense.

You jump in. “Serial killers with a 30-day cooling-off period and we're only just hearing about this now?”

“Well, headquarters has always characterized them robbers first and killers second,” Aaron replies, glancing back at you. You roll your eyes.

Of course they did.

“No one kills seven people without serious psychopathic tendencies,” Spencer notes. He’s more than right, and you thought the same thing - it’s almost like he took the words out of your mouth.

“I disagreed with the original assessment. I was overruled.” Aaron’s bland version of frustration is clear in his tone, but he knows, just as you do, that ship has sailed. All you can do now is handle what’s in front of you.

“So why are we here now?” Dave asks.

“Because crisis negotiation is overseas.”

Aaron starts to walk again as JJ asks after more information. Aaron usually rattles it off pretty quickly, but with the quick start this morning, you know he trusts the rest of you to ask the questions you need. “What more do we know about them?

“They're organized, they're efficient. Each strike lasts about two minutes.”

Derek, walking beside you, finally joins the conversation. “They gotta be scouting the banks in advance. Why haven't we been able to identify them off of surveillance footage?”

“They hack the security feed and turn off the cameras, both during the initial canvass and during the robbery, until the masks come back on, and then we're allowed to watch.” Aaron leads you all into the tactical staging truck, watching the security feeds.

+++

As you continue to watch, the scene becomes clearer, the power dynamics more tangible.

Dave sees it, too. “They're using the hostages as human shields.”

JJ, with Will beside her, studies the footage, watching the Queen run around while the King finds himself preoccupied with the Jack’s wound. “This is the first time they've been interrupted. What went wrong?”

“It's a big bank,” Emily says. “It's possible they weren't about to round everybody up before someone triggered an alarm.”

That’s a fair point, but you ask your question anyway. “Why haven't they cut the feed now that they've been cornered?”

Derek, still beside you, answers. “Letting us see inside gives up a tactical advantage. They gotta know that.”

They don't seem to care,” Aaron says, from your other side.

You’re all silent for another minute, watching to see what happens next. Even though their plans went awry, the team still looks fairly calm and collected, all things considered.

JJ’s frown only deepens. “They're overconfident. Arrogant, even.”

“The face card masks add to their narcissism.” Spencer’s voice comes from the end of the line. “Their personas are the royalty of poker.”

You nod - it’s a great point - while Aaron starts making assignments.

“JJ, Reid, and Prentiss, look at past robberies. That's gonna be our victimology. Pull another analyst if you need to.” He turns to you, then Dave, on his other side. “I want you two to handle negotiations. And, Morgan, strategize tactical options with MPD.”

You shuffle, gathering your radio and earpiece from the charger next to Penelope’s computer.

When the rest of the team leaves, you hang back with Dave, keying into the radio channels and standing by for further instruction - you know there’s more for you in the trailer at the moment.

Further instruction, though, may have to wait. Strauss climbs the steps into the rig and Aaron greets her. “Chief Strauss.”

“The Director ordered me to supervise your operation.”

Of course he did.

“Puts you right in the spotlight,” Dave says, not unkindly. It’s almost fond.

You can’t help but hold back a little bit of a smile. If the situation were reversed and it was Aaron at the helm, you’d be proud of him, too.

“Well, you've got gunmen with hostages in the Capital. The Hill's concerned.”

Aaron nods, gesturing to you and Dave. “We're about to open lines of communication.”

“What about a tactical assault?”

The three of you shake your heads as Aaron responds. “I don't think it's a good idea. There are hostages in front of the doors and windows.”

Erin, finally onboard, turns to Dave. “What's your negotiation strategy?”

“The Jack's bleeding out. They'll ask for medical attention.”

You hum, a little skeptical, and look back at the feed. “The female unsub might have something to say about that. Look at her body language.”

Dave follows your gaze. “She is cold and detached. The King seems genuinely concerned about his partner's welfare. But she couldn't give a damn.”

Your eyebrows raise. “The men probably know each other.”

Aaron, picking up on your train of thought, flags Penelope, “Garcia?”

She turns in her chair, already typing. “Shuffling my techno-fabulous deck of databases, sir.”

And so it begins.

+++

“I’ll do the talking - I’ll need to establish some rapport with them, but I’ll need you keeping the team updated and coordinating any allowances or personnel as things come up, okay?”

You nod, a little smile pulling at the side of your mouth. “You got it.”

Dave claps your shoulder. “You’ll be in this chair one day, so pay attention.”

“Yes, sir.”

He dials in and the phone starts ringing through the speaker. You’ll be able to hear everything.

“Who the hell's this?” You check the monitor. The King picked up the phone.

Obviously, the Jack can’t pick up the phone, stupid, he’s bleeding out!

“My name is David Rossi. I'm with the FBI. To whom am I speaking?”

The King doesn’t address the question, but rather looks back toward his fallen compatriot. “All right, I want a doctor sent in, and then I want out of here.”

Dave checks his watch. “Well, we certainly can discuss that. Let the hostages go and we'll give you all the medical help you need.”

You take a mental note. Your memories from Dave’s lectures at the academy are fuzzy at best, and you haven’t had very much time handling these things in the field. The last time a major hostage crisis was at hand, you were a hostage yourself.

A shot hostage, if the chronic nerve pain in your shoulder is any reminder.

“I can't do that. I need the leverage.”

“How about a sign of good faith? Send out the women and children and I'll see what I can do.”

You watch as the King takes the phone away from his mouth. You can vaguely hear him update the Queen, but she’s not having it. She pulls a child from the lineup and your lower lip disappears between your teeth.

A man, you presume the girl’s father, speaks to the Queen before she shoots him in the abdomen. The King gets back on the line.

“You better send in some more help or more people are gonna die.” He hangs up.

Shit.

+++

“You’re not seriously considering sending an agent in there?” You turn on Hotch and he sighs, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose.

“We don’t have much of a choice. I’m not the authority on-site and with the director pressing Strauss, there’s not much I can do.”

The two of you are alone for the time being, so you’re able to rib him for a second to lighten the tension.

“What’s the point of being unit chief if you can’t lord it over everyone all the time?”

You're rewarded with a shadow of a smile and a snort. “Don’t be ridiculous. I lord it over you plenty.”

“Not enough.” Your tone is childish, the words murmured under your breath.

When he walks away, he taps the side of your ass with the back of his hand. If you weren’t in a professional setting, you could mistake it for a promise.

But, Aaron, that would be unprofessional!

You turn to look at him and just catch his wink as he hops up the steps behind Strauss.

+++

With Garcia’s magic and Aaron’s genius, you figure out that the men are related.

While Rossi hops on the next phone call, you help Derek outfit the medic with a bug and a weapon.

“We're sending in the medic now, Chris. Tell Oliver help is on the way.”

Derek nods at the medic and he hops off, heading into the bank. You jog over to the trailer only to find a humorously horrified look on Strauss’s face.

“Is she…”

You get closer, looking up at the monitor.

“...putting on lipstick?”

You scoff. “She’s vain. Only contributes to a profile of vanity and narcissism. She likes to be seen - this is a game for her.”

You jog back out before Strauss can respond, taking your place between Aaron and Derek.

“Green. You gotta go. Green. Go,” Derek says into his mic.

The agent-turned-medic makes a move and immediately gets a shot between the eyes for his trouble. Your hand files over your mouth and Derek ducks away, taking a second.

Well, that couldn’t have been any worse.

You look at Aaron, still staring at the screen, beside you. He’s thinking the same thing.

+++

Derek walks up to you, kevlar and sunglasses firmly in place. “Tactical's been deployed, snipers are moving into position.”

At your questioning look, Strauss clarifies. “The Director's ordered a full tactical assault.”

The look doesn’t leave your face. “His last orders cost us an agent.”

Radio transmissions fly one ear and out the other, not to mention the flurry of activity around the negotiation tent. Before Strauss can reply, Will’s call shoots past you to Aaron.

“SWAT's getting itchy fingers.”

Aaron turns, covering his comm mic at his chest. “You remind SWAT that bank robberies are federal jurisdiction. No one fires until they're ordered to.”

“Right.”

Will disappears and you suppress a little pleased shudder. Aaron’s very much in control now and it is doing things to your body that are better suited for, well, anywhere else. You tighten the velcro across your chest as if to compress another rush of… nothing useful.

Aaron turns back to you, Dave, Derek, and Strauss. “All right, when the crossfire starts, what's gonna happen to the hostages caught in the middle?”

The question is a trap, and Dave doubles down. “That's the wrong call, Erin, and you know it.”

Strauss falters for a minute, leveling with the rest of you. “It's not my call.”

Aaron doesn’t let up. “You're here and you're in charge.” His tone is sharper than yours would be in the same situation, but you’re nearly fifteen years younger and a whole four steps down on the totem pole.

Not for the first time, a rush of affection and gratitude for him crests over your in a wave and you have to look away, taking a deep breath to collect yourself. When you look back, he’s watching you.

I’m okay.

He nods as Erin speaks again.

“So you want me to disobey the Director?” Erin sounds dubious, at best.

Dave responds quickly. “Yes.”

Aaron amends, and if the situation wasn’t so tense his correction would almost be funny. “No. I just want you to buy us a little time.” He pauses, wavering for a second as he rephrases. “Don't be quite so efficient.”

You’re never surprised by Aaron’s political savvy, but it is a nice reminder that he can run circles around every bureaucrat in the district if given the chance.

“Whatever you're gonna do, do it fast.”

+++

“It’s an impossible ask, Dave. You know JJ will never go for it.”

“It’s not up to JJ.” Aaron’s voice approaches from behind you. “It’s the director’s call, but mine first.”

He comes to rest beside you as Dave leaves the two of you alone.

“What are you gonna do?” You look at Aaron, finding his eyes trained on the monitor, arms crossed over his chest.

He sighs. “If it was you he asked for...”

You bump his shoulder. “What, not interested in feeding me to serial killers today?”

It’s a loaded joke, especially for the two of you, but after Emily, you’re past such things. If the situation were reversed, Haley would never stop giving you hell for getting serial-killed the way she did. It’s only fair to return the favor.

“Over my dead body, baby.” He reaches down to squeeze your hand for a second before letting you go. “Do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Stay here.”

+++

You can hear JJ’s anguished shouts from here, beside Dave and the phone.

Derek has a good enough hold on her, Emily and Aaron protecting him from JJ’s wild elbows. She’s beside herself but eventually breaks free and sprints back toward the trailer. You turn to follow her, just in time to hear a gunshot.

Will.

+++

You’re all gathered in the trailer as JJ asks the same questions over and over again. Garcia, just like the first time, doesn’t have any answers.

The static on the monitors is nearly deafening in its silence.

JJ looks at you for a moment and takes a shaky breath before looking at Hotch. Her eyes are red-rimmed and her voice is broken when she speaks. “Aaron.”

You know he’s never been able to deny her anything. In the entire time you’ve known him, it’s one of the few things that hasn’t changed.

His eyes don’t budge from hers. “We’re going in.”

+++

You press the heels of your hands to your eyes, trying to stem the stinging from the heat and debris. Your ears ring and you’ve got a scrape on your chin from where you face-planted into the asphalt.

Eventually, you remove your hands and open your eyes to the early summer sunshine. Your bias is clear enough - Aaron’s the first one you look for and the first one you find.

He’s looking a little dazed and more than a little ruffled, but alive.

Ignoring the whine in your ears and swiping some blood off your face, you jog over to him, taking stock of him from head to toe. “You alright?”

He doesn’t answer right away, and you realize he probably can’t hear you. An image of Kate reaching for you and the smell of blood flashes into your head, but you push it away.

His ear…

“Aaron?” You lay a hand on his shoulder and he startles a little, meeting your eyes and coming back to himself all at once.

He puts his hands on your shoulders, tipping your jaw up with one finger to examine your chin. “You’re hurt.”

“Honey, I’m fine. Your ear…” You follow a small trickle of blood up the side of his neck, rounding him to get a better look. Just as you’d feared, his bad ear is bleeding again.

He waves off your concern and taps his comm mic, calling for support in quick, clear soundbites. You snag the back of his vest before he can get too far away from you.

“As soon as you’re done with that, please get it looked at.”

With a sigh, he nods and gestures to your chin. “I will if you do.”

You roll your eyes.

“Where’s Emily?” You hear Morgan ask JJ as they get their bearings around you.

With a start, you follow them into the building, attached to a couple of SWAT agents. You know Aaron will get after you for going in before everything’s cleared by bomb squad, but you can’t keep still.

The heartache you feel for JJ supersedes anything else going on in your head. It’s something that plagues you all the time - the both of you doing this job. Losing Aaron in the field is a stark reality you can hardly consider at any point, especially when evidence of its reality is right in front of you.

+++

Aaron can’t help himself - he pulls you close after you’re both released by the paramedics, pressing a kiss to your head. It’s almost desperate as he leans back and pulls your collar from your vest, his hands smoothing over your shoulders.

“I need to debrief SWAT and first responders - can you stay with Dave and help with the media?”

“Okay. Let me know if you need any extra hands - I��ll send ‘em right over.”

He smiles at you, soft, small, and affectionate. “Thank you.”

+++

You pull your phone from your pocket.

She picks up on the second ring. “Yeah?”

“Hey, Jess.”

“Hey.” She pauses. “You okay?”

With a shaky sigh, you reply. “Yeah. I’m fine. Aaron’s fine.”

“I heard about the explosion. Is there anything I can do?”

“No, we’re fine. Just...Just stay out of the city.” After another breath. “Is Jack okay?”

She laughs a little. “Yeah. He’s fine. He’s a little anxious but I turned off the TV and we’re headed out to the park for a little while.”

“Good.” You look over at Aaron, who holds your eyes for a second before returning to his EMS strategy huddle.

“Be safe and come home to us soon, okay?”

“Yeah. We will. We love you. Tell Jack we -”

“ - Of course.”

+++

You follow Spencer through the debris once you’re done handling the media storm with Dave. Picking through the rubble, searching for something - anything - but not finding much.

Derek’s voice echoes through the ruined, cavernous space that used to be the main lobby. “Everything they've said and done was for a reason. But what doesn't make any sense is she switched the negotiation demand. Chris wanted to go to Switzerland. She changed it to Chad.”

“They also requested a private plane,” you note, “but no mention of a pilot.”

Spencer stops, and you almost run into him. Emily stops as well, looking back at the pair of you as Spencer organizes his thoughts. When he’s ready to speak, he says, “Guys, if you think about it, even the dates mean something. In 2004, while she was wreaking havoc abroad, he was dishonorably discharged. Then in 2008, they likely met in Chad. And now this in 2012.”

Good thought. But then again, when is one of Spencer’s thoughts bad?

It’s a decent enough question, and you run the gamut of all the surprising and absurd things Spencer’s said in your presence over the years. One in particular comes to mind.

Evil twin, eviler twin.

You hold back a little laugh, despite the harrowing circumstances.

Yeah, that one was pretty bad.

“Okay.” Derek grabs your attention again. “So, is it a coincidence that those are all election years and they attacked D.C.? Maybe this is a political statement.”

Emily’s eyes are stuck on something on the ground, but you’re not sure if it’s what she’s really looking at. “No. It's more personal than that. It's their story.”

Derek’s brow pinches. “What?”

“All of the details are a part of their story.”

She starts to leave through one of the shattered windows and you follow her back to the trailer, Spencer and Derek not far behind. She hops up the steps and you take your place beside Aaron once you’re all inside. It’s much cozier in here, with eight of you.

Spencer fills the rest of the team in on your conversation inside. Unsurprisingly, it’s rote - read like a cold script.

Emily picks up when he’s done. “Their timeline suggests they were both destructive before they met.”

“So we're talking about ex-military turning on their country.” Strauss looks and sounds skeptical, but you can’t blame her. In American culture, it’s rather incongruous.

Now who sounds like Spencer?

“It's rare, but soldiers become disenfranchised no matter what the nationality. And if he met someone like-minded at that time, there'd be no stopping them.”

“So you're thinking they met during the civil unrest in Chad in '08.” Aaron’s voice isn’t skeptical - more probing. You can see the wheels turning behind his eyes.

“Yeah,” Spencer says. “And one or both of them are pilots.”

“So if Garcia concentrates on that region,” Emily points to an area on a map, lit up on the monitor, “specifically weapons running in and out of Libya, there's a good chance we'll find their paths crossed.”

Penelope types furiously for a moment, her fingers flying over the keys. “Okay, multiple entries into Libya for a private pilot named Matthew Downs in '08, but I don't have her name.”

“Well, because she had aliases. It's the only way to stay a ghost.”

Looks like Emily’s Interpol knowledge is coming in handy.

She continues. “Here's the thing - they are a couple. Regardless of what we believe of them, they will celebrate themselves and their connection.” She turns to Penelope, a thought sparking behind her eyes. “Is there anything that happened on this date in Chad?”

“Oh, you are good, Emily Prentiss.” Penelope types for a moment and you lean forward, watching her work. “But this news is not. Yes, there were multiple explosions on this date in '08.”

Aaron speaks from beside you. He’s a little closer than you thought, and it startles you a little.

In fairness, you’re still jumpy from the explosion.

“Where were the most casualties?”

“At a church-- no, no, a train. Yep.”

Morgan squints at the photos of the hulled-out building. “Semtex and C-4?”

Penelope nods while Aaron turns toward Strauss. “Are trains still arriving at Union Station?”

“Yes, but only the authorities are allowed in.” There’s a moment where she almost looks panicked, but collects herself as the rest of you gear up to leave.

Emily exhales down her nose. “That’s why they needed Will.”

+++

Aaron drives impossibly fast through the district. You sit in the back seat with Emily, holding onto the handles above the door for dear life.

You’ve never flashed your badge so many times in such a short period. Aaron tucked his badge into a strap of his vest, just to save time, but still has his credentials locked between his fingers as he drives. If you didn’t trust him so much, it would freak you out a little.

+++

The comm in your ear crackles as Emily speaks. “I found Will.”

“Is he mobile?” Aaron’s voice comes both from beside you and your comm - it’s a little disorienting, but you push through.

“Negative. He's got 6 transmitters on him and this whole place is gonna blow.”

There’s hardly a hesitation in Aaron’s steps as he processes the information. “All right, where are you? I'm on my way.”

He’d like to think he’s made of steel.

Sometimes he is.

“No,” Emily asserts. “You gotta get everyone out. Is the bomb squad here yet?”

“They're 3 minutes away.”

“Copy.” She sounds a little disappointed, or maybe frustrated, but doesn’t say anything else.

He turns back to you, holding you by the shoulders. “I want you leading evacuation. Get out of here.”

Tears prick at your eyes and honestly, this is the first moment you’ve really been afraid. Existentially afraid. Afraid of walking out of this train station and leaving Aaron and Emily and Will to blow up. “I’ll see you later?”

“Yep. Go.” He tries to push you away, but you resist.

“Promise?”

His brown eyes soften as his mouth presses into a thin line. “Can’t. I love you. Get outta here.”

You bounce on your toes for a second, acutely aware you’re wasting valuable time, before yanking him forward to kiss his cheek before you sprint away from him, shouting instructions to the panicked crowd as you go.

+++

You catch up with Derek, racing to catch your suspect. He corners him in an alley but can’t quite overpower him. You reach for your sidearm, but by the time you take aim, Downs is already on the ground, a gunshot ringing through the air.

Startled, you turn over your shoulder to find Aaron still staring down the sight of his Glock.

Could take an eye out, with that thing.

You sigh and holster your weapon. Derek looks plenty dazed and you don’t blame him. It’s not often he’s on the receiving end of a near-miss in close combat. He looks over your shoulder and you can see something pass between him and Aaron.

Maybe one day, Derek will know how much Aaron loves and respects him.

You watch Derek shake it off and stumble as he attempts to rise to his feet.

Today is not that day.

Coming to your senses, you trot forward and help him to his feet, brushing wayward asphalt off of him. You turn back to Aaron. “Everything alright?”

He ignores you, pressing the mic at his chest as he begins to run back toward the station. “Prentiss, what’s your status?”

+++

Seeing Will and Emily leave the building in one piece is a relief. You meet Aaron’s gaze and his eyes are exhausted. The gears in his head still whir. He’s still in game-mode, and it’s a good thing.

With the logistical nightmare of two bomb threats in one day, there’s a lot of work ahead of you.

+++

You swing back and forth in your desk chair, brain completely numb from the paperwork. It’s been a long day, and you’ve been up since three this morning, what with your flight back from California. You’re certain you’ve had longer days than this one, but you’re approaching twenty-one hours without sleep and it feels worse than you remember.

What were we planning to do today?

A bike ride and museum day with Jack seems impossibly long ago. Last week, maybe.

Derek and Emily sit on their desks, attempting to keep a conversation going without much luck.

They were house-hunting this morning.

Penelope slowly descends the stairs as Spencer turns in his seat. “The convention’s still happening tomorrow if you want to go.”

They were at a convention this morning.

Everyone had lives this morning. Weird.

She makes an uncertain noise. “That whole city-on-the-brink-of-destruction thing kinda took the wind out of my sails, you know?”

You look up at her as she takes her place beside Spencer. “It’ll get you every time.”

“You gotta watch out for that,” Emily adds. It makes you smile a little.

Derek looks a little less amused, reminding Emily they’ll have to finish the inspection another time. Between Spencer and Penelope, Emily cops to a crack in the foundation of her almost-home.

“That does not sound good,” Penelope says. You can’t help but agree.

There’s a weird look on Derek’s face, but you ignore it in favor of Strauss’s descent on the stairs.

“Our unsub,” she says, “is Izzy Rogers. She'll be charged with multiple counts domestically, and our international counterparts will have their turn with her. She will never see the light of day.” A little smile graces her lips.

You realize with the tiniest of laughs (really - it’s a one on the Aaron Hotchner scale of laugher, which means it’s hardly noticeable to the naked eye) that you don’t hate her or even dislike her as much as you used to. Maybe, you even want her around.

Don’t push it.

“I just thought you'd like to know that.”

The five of you murmur something that sounds like, “Thank you, ma’am.”

She pulls Derek, probably to kick his ass for something or another and send herself back on your shit list.

That’s a problem for another time.

You take Izzy Rogers’s file from Emily, looking over an impressive rap sheet. You’re happy for a few things.

The first - that Aaron’s not a federal prosecutor anymore. This’ll be a case for the ages.

The second - you’ll never have to think about her again.

The third - you’re not sure. You’re sleep-deprived. It’ll come to you.

She cost me my precious eight hours and I’ll never forgive her.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Aaron leave his office. You set the file down and look up at him, halfway-hoping for once he’ll tell you to go home without him.

“Dave wants to know if everyone is free tomorrow night.”

Without any inflection at all, you reply. “We better not be doing anything tomorrow night.”

“Well,” Derek says, interrupting Emily’s snort. “If he’s buying, then I’m definitely in.”

Emily, Spencer, and Penelope jump onto Derek’s conditional acceptance and a rare smile pulls at Aaron’s face, his dimples on full display.

“Hear that? We’re in.”

+++

When you get home, Aaron all-but carries you to bed. With the tenderest of hands, he removes your shoes and socks, unbuttons your pants, slides them down your legs, and throws them in the laundry basket.

You’re practically wilting where you sit, feeling more and more like a sleepy toddler by the minute.

Aaron unbuttons your shirt and slips it off your shoulders, kissing each cheek in turn. “I’ll start a shower.”

You move to protest, but he strips and that mostly shuts you up. He starts the water before he returns to your side.

“I just want to sleep, Aar. Please.”

“Baby,” he says, a fond little pleading note in his tone. “We just changed the sheets. Do you really want to get semtex all over them?”

With a huff - “No.”

He smiles and helps you to your feet. “Didn’t think so.”

You’re so tired, it doesn't even cross your mind to take advantage of the shared shower or his lack of clothes. By the time he dries you off, tucks you in, and locks the bedroom door to ward off the over-eager six-year-old down the hall, you’re asleep.

His own exhaustion pulling at him, he doesn’t have the time or energy to cherish how peaceful, safe, and warm you look. He just draws you close to him until he can feel your heartbeat.

Sleep takes him rapidly after that.

+++

As Will and JJ exchange their vows, you tuck further into Aaron’s arms. His whisper floats past your ear, barely audible. “Wanna do that sometime?”

“What? Get married?” Your voice is just as quiet.

“Mhmm.”

“Only if it’s you.”

There’s a kiss pressed to your temple with a smile behind it. “I think I can make that happen.”

You turn your head to the side to keep your snark from carrying. “Please don’t propose to me right now. This weekend’s been long enough.”

Derek kicks the side of your foot from where he stands beside you, unable to hear the conversation but knowing you both well enough to keep you from tumbling down the rabbit hole of distraction.

Aaron presses another kiss to your temple. “I love you.” You feel it rather than hear it.

You pick up one of his hands and kiss the back of it. You don’t need to say anything.

+++

Aaron holds you close as you dance together, surrounded by your family. JJ and Will sway back and forth nearby, wrapped entirely in each other. Erin and Dave have been surprisingly brave, dancing and laughing quietly together throughout the evening.

As nice as it was to just have something for the two of you, sharing your love with your family has its own set of perks. You don’t have to hide anymore or justify your pigheaded protection of the other.

You can just… be.

+++

Eventually, Dave calls all the “...fortunately unmarried individuals to the dance floor,” and refuses to let anyone slip through the cracks.

When Aaron hangs back, drink in-hand and a little smile on his face, Dave calls him out. “Divorcés and widowers, too, c’mon.” He pauses, finding another tactic when Aaron doesn’t move. “If you’re both, you get extra points!”

Aaron rolls his eyes and you look around, finding an inappropriate amount of humor in JJ’s confused relatives. You can’t help but bark a loud laugh when you see how hard Derek’s trying to keep his mirth at bay.

Too soon for the dead wife jokes? He seems to ask. Can I laugh?

Something in your eyes gives him tacit permission and he nearly blinds you with his smile.

When Dave’s tricks fall short, you do your best to pull Aaron from the sideline with your best set of bedroom eyes. He courageously resists, so you give up and settle next to Anderson. “What do you think Dave’s come up with, this time?”

“God only knows.”

Anderson, like the rest of you, knows that Dave’s hosting abilities know no bounds.

“Because so many of you are joyfully unmarried, the newlyweds wanted to make sure there was someone else to suffer the slings and arrows of matrimony with them in the near future. Thus,” he opens his arm to JJ, who appears with her bouquet and a smile, “the bouquet toss will be an equal-opportunity event.”

With a laugh and a shake of your head, you prepare to duck out of the way.

You look over at Aaron. This is ridiculous.

He only shakes his head, hiding his smile behind his drink. And yet…

He leaves the rest of the implication unsaid, but you flip him off for good measure. Your exchange must have taken longer than you thought because before you know it, you have a face full of white roses. It’s over.

You pull the flowers from your face and level JJ with a glare across the dance floor. “Really?”

She raises her eyebrows and shrugs. “I turned my back and everything.”

There are whoops and hollers from your team and you can only roll your eyes. Derek and Will strong-arm Aaron onto the dance floor (you know he let them - if he really wanted to avoid you, they wouldn’t be able to move him an inch), where you’re both cajoled into a kiss and a photo. Penelope’s on the other side of the camera, grinning from ear to ear.

She waves at Aaron over the camera. “Smile for real, damn you!”

She amends, adding, “Sir,” for good measure. It has its intended effect and she’s rewarded with a rare, bright laugh from her unit chief.

Absurd traditions aside, you’d be lying if said you stopped smiling even once.

+++

As the party settles, some couples stay out on the dance floor, sedately twirling and swaying to the music that continues to play across the yard.

You and Aaron have relaxed significantly since the Great Bouquet Debacle, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, the top two buttons of his shirt undone. You’re sitting across his lap, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, with one of his arms wrapped around your middle and the other draped over your knees - the picture of relaxation.

Penelope, Derek, Emily, and Will have taken up residence on the other side of the dance floor, their heads close together and voices low.

Aaron’s eyes slide over them as he watches the room, scanning out of habit. “What do you think they’re talking about?”

You lean further into him as four pairs of eyes flicker over to you before returning to their huddle. “Us, probably.”

He hums, understanding and pensive. “Probably our sex life, right?”

“Probably,” you sigh, playing at boredom. He covers your hand with one of his and you play with his fingers - lacing, unlacing, kissing his knuckles.

It’s nice to feel safe, comfortable enough to love each other where curious eyes can see you.

You can feel his smile against your forehead as he presses a kiss between your brows.

“I mean,” you continue, “there is a lot to talk about.”

He shrugs, adjusting his arm where it lays across your legs to keep you both comfortable in the seat you share. “That’s true enough. Though, I can’t imagine any of their projections being right.”

+++

“I bet they’re into like…tantric sex. Like hours and hours and hours you know?” Penelope says, conspiracy the top note in her tone.

Derek looks at her and she backtracks, only a little on the defensive.

“What? Spencer’s talked to me about it before and I...read.”

He rolls his eyes, but Emily spares Penelope from any further interrogation.

“I could see that.” She watches the way your fingers wander over Aaron’s bare forearm, playing with the ridges of his watch, the way his thumb absent-mindedly draws small circles on your outer thigh. “Yeah, actually I think that’s exactly what happens.”

+++

“What do you think they’ve got so far?”

He plays at boredom. “They’re probably trying to take a guess at anything they can reach - with both of our profiles in Derek’s pocket, he’s going to have the most luck, I think.”

“Really?” You ask. “Not Emily?”

He snorts. “No. She has her mind on other things.”

That holds you up for a second, and you’re not sure if he’s still playing into the bit. “Wait, what do you mean?”

He shakes his head. “I’ll tell you later.”

“She’s resigning, isn’t she?” You give up the fun and lay your head in the crook between his neck and shoulder.

Without thinking, his hand rises to your cheek, affectionately brushing over your cheekbone before dropping back down. “She might be.”

“Did she do that thing where she sighs really big and then looks off to the upper right middle distance?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit.”

You’re both quiet for a moment, just enjoying the low lull of the music and the lights and the sights and smiles of your family.

“Hey.”

You lean back a little and meet Aaron’s eyes. “Yeah?”

“What’s my tell?”

The concern drops out of your face all at once. “You think I’m gonna spill just like that so you can go and change it on me? Not a chance.”

He sighs and his chin tips up in defeat. “So I have one?”

“Of course you do, stupid.” You flick his chest and a laugh rumbles through him. “Everyone does. You know mine, I know yours. You’re gonna have to get over it.”

“So you’ve caught me in lies before?” He asks, not without humor.

“Duh. I’m pretty sure I’ve caught every lie you’ve ever told, but you seemed so proud of yourself that I just let you have it.”

You can almost feel the eye roll. “Really?” He sounds skeptical. “Name one lie you’ve caught me in.”

“Alright.” You count off on your fingers. “You dinged my car door a couple of weeks ago, you definitely didn’t drop the bags at Goodwill, you do know it wasn’t Jack who finished the ice cream in the freezer, you -”

“Okay.” He covers your hands with his and kisses your fingers. “That’s enough. I get it.”

You kiss his cheek. “I’m sure you’ve caught me in every single lie I’ve ever told, too, huh?”

“Only every once since the day we met. Yours is obvious.”

It’s a trap. You don’t take it. “Hmm. That’s convenient.”

“Isn’t it?”

You lean back to look at him. “You’re a shit, you know that?”

He nods and raises his eyebrows, a cheeky, close-mouthed smile slowly creeping across his face.

You playfully smack his chest with the back of your hand. “Fucker.”

He says something under his breath and you level him with a look that has him repeating himself.

“I said, you wish.”

You roll your eyes and tuck back into his neck, kissing the skin above his collar. You can feel him shiver and you know you’ve got him. “Not just wish, honey. Know.”

+++

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