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toxicanonymity · 8 months

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Parole.

3k words, joel miller x f!reader

Jojo playlist, joel master list, @toxicfics for notifs

SUMMARY: PWP. Phone sex and just-got-out-of-jail sex.

WARNINGS: I8+, dirty talk, jacking off, groping while driving, oral F receiving, Unsafe P in V intercourse, semi-public (bathroom). Reader can sit on a sink.

A/N: cellmate's nephew!Joel, part 3 of 3 (just 8k total) , follows Jailbird and Collect Calls but you just need to know his aunt Mabel is your cellmate. This is the last of Jailbird for the foreseeable future. It’s been a fun diversion. This is not the last of Jojo.

—---

All goes well at your parole hearing. After you get your 72 Hour release notice, you call Joel.

He answers the phone, "You're gettin' out," and you can hear his smile.

"How did you–did Mabel tell you?"

"Had a feeling. So what, 3 days now?" He opens and squirts the lube.

"9pm Monday."

"You just made my dick so hard, baby."

"Jojo. . ."

"Hmm?"

"God, sorry - Joel"

"Call me whatever ya want, jailbird. Mm. Call me joel, call me jojo--mm, call me call me any time baby”

“Can’t wait to be on the other side of that glass.”

"And I'm gonna pop that post-penny cherry" (post-penitentiary)

“Shhh”

"What they're gonna un-parole ya 'cause there’s a hard dick waitin’ for ya?"

“Well, I like the sound of that,” you purr.

“Oh we’re gonna get nasty, baby,” he breathes.

“Mmm”

“You wear thongs, g-strings, whatcha wear?” His fist slurps up and down his cock.

“Thongs,” you tell him. “Boy shorts if I wanna be comfy.”

“Damn. . . that ass in boy shorts? Whew.”

“How ‘bout you?”

“Boxer briefs.”

“Mm, shoulda known. Those tight-ass pants”

“Yeah, ya like’em?”

“Like how ya wear’em”

“How’s that”

“Packing somethin’ fat and juicy for me.”

He moans. “Fuck yeah i am, just for you baby”

“Just for me?”

“‘S’all for you, baby. How ya want it first?”

“Honey, I just want it.”

“Can i come inside ya?”

“Mmmm, yeah. . .”

“Fuck, i’m gonna pump you full,” his voice tells you he’s already close.

“You better.”

“Fuck yeah, baby.” His hand is moving faster. “Ohhh, fuck” He shudders and groans long and drawn out as he comes.

“Started without me didn’t ya”

“Wouldn’t do that,” he says in a transparently false tone.

“Hope ya can last longer than that,” you tease.

“Fuck you,” he laughs. “Shit, maybe I can’t. ‘S’what ya do to me, baby.”

“Then we’ll just have to do it again.”

“Oh I’m grocery shoppin’ like it’s the apocalypse. Won’t have to leave the house for a week.”

—------

Mabel gives you one last poke-and-stick tattoo, a heart on your other hand, mirroring the location of your "clover." The last thing she tells you is, “He’s snipped, ya know. I took care of him after he did it. ”

“Nice.”

“Yeah, he knows he's not dad material," she explains, then lightens the mood with, "he's daddy, not dad," and a wink.

You're gonna miss her. But if things go well with Joel, you’ll see her again in a few months.

—----

Walking down the ramp from the tower toward the jail lobby, you can taste the freedom and almost forget what you’re wearing – booty skirt, platform heels, mesh crop top, fishnets.

His posture is what catches your eye first. Feet spread, arms crossed. Your eyes fall to his bulge then pan up to a white t-shirt struggling to contain the tattooed arms crossed in front of him. Gold chain, Adam's Apple. As his face comes into focus, he tilts his head back and squints, pursing his lips in a pained expression as he looks at you. His expression is enough to remind you what you’re wearing. By the time you reach him, he’s biting his lip, shaking his head at you with his eyes smiling.

He opens his arms and wraps around you for a full-body hug. He smells like fresh cologne, and he feels safe and comfortable. He feels like – ohhh, yeah, he’s already getting hard. You’re holding a plastic bag of your belongings—phone and keys—against his back.

“God damn,” he whispers into your hair and his pelvis subtly presses his growing arousal into you. He murmurs, “Mmm, let’s get the fuck outta here.”

He grabs your hand and your shoes click as you walk through the sliding doors to the parking lot. As soon as the doors slide closed behind you, he drops your hand and grabs your ass. His hand spans much more of your asscheek than you're used to. The beauty of the sky at dusk overwhelms you, even with the lights from the jail.

“Let’s make it to the car,” you laugh.

He puffs out his cheeks with an exhale and gets his keys out of his pocket with his free hand. Then he points to a big truck and unlocks it.

He opens the truck door for you and his hand on your ass helps you up into the seat. Oh the simple joy of getting in a vehicle. You start to grab the seatbelt, and he tells you, “nah, hold on a sec.” When he gets in the driver’s seat he slams up the center console, slides over and you turn to face him as he reaches you.

He grabs the back of your head and pulls your face into his. His tongue parts your lips and his mouth is minty. He sucks hard and gently chews your lips as he grabs your far thigh and puts it over his lap. Then he grabs you by both hips and pulls you all the way into his lap with your help so you’re straddling him. When your crotch meets the warm steel rod in his pants, you whimper and he sighs vocally. Then your mouths connect again. You’ve been dying of thirst and he’s a tall glass of water; you just can’t get enough.

His hands run down your fishnet thighs as you grind on him and make out. He playfully plucks one of the diamonds and murmurs in such a deep voice, “Thought ya weren’t wearin’ these, hmm?” Then he attacks your neck with his mouth, and you sigh. Out of the corner of your eye, you see a Corrections Officer headed your way.

“Shit,” you say, “We should go.”

He groans.

“They're comin’, we gotta go,” you repeat and pry yourself off of him.

He takes a deep breath and his hips lift out of the seat as he adjusts himself, then scoots back over to the driver’s seat and buckles his seatbelt. You start to go back to the passenger seat and buckle yours, but he says, “get back over here.” He hands you the middle seatbelt.

—----

You tease, “we 'bout to peel outta here?”

"Buckle up, baby.”

He puts his hand behind you to back up. A whiff of his sweat under the cologne makes you want him even worse.

You awkwardly try to keep your hands to yourself. He’s the one driving, so you’ll let him initiate any distraction. "Where we headed?"

"How ‘bout we get ya some real food, ya hungry?”

“Yeah, I could eat.”

He gives a low whistle and says, “so could I, baby. can’t wait to taste ya." He looks at your legs. “Fuck.” He puts his hand on your thigh, a ring pressing into your skin. “Mmm.” His voice is so deep. “Been savin’ this just for me, huh?'' His wrist pushes your skirt out of the way as his hand slides toward your crotch. He finds your clit with ease, even while driving. He clearly knows what he’s doing and he could get you off like this in a minute or two, but he needs his hand back to make some turns.

You put your hand on his meaty thigh and ask “can I. . .”

“*can* you? Fuck yeah you can” He lifts his elbow, welcoming your hand to his lap.

You grab the bulge in his jeans and get a zap of need in your core. You slowly press your hand into his warm, hard package and feel the outline of his thick cock. You’re aching for him. You’re about to ask him to pull over when he puts on the blinker and see you’ve arrived at Waffle House.

“Here good?” He says as he pulls into a parking space.

“Hell yeah,” you answer.

He breathes a sigh of relief. “Cause if ya don’t like WaHo, we ain’t gonna work anyway.” You both unbuckle your seatbelts.

"Oh, here," you take your hand back as he reaches back behind the passenger seat, and your eyes glue to his huge bulge. He hands you a leather jacket, and says, “Just if ya want it.” It’s a little warm for it, but it’s a nice thought if you wanted to cover up. At WaHo, you don’t really care. That’s the magic of it. He reaches back behind the seat again and you glance at his earring. He returns with a target bag.

You peek into the bag. There’s a casual tank dress, flip flops, and . ..boy shorts. Your heart flutters that his dirty question led to such a wholesome gesture.

“You bought me clothes?”

“Yeah, coulda brought some’a Mabel’s but–”

“That could get weird”

“Yeah.”

—---

You walk in front of Jojo into the breezeway, then into the restaurant. No one bats an eye at how you’re dressed. You hold up the bag of clothes and ask, “Mind if I change ‘fore we eat?” A waitress behind the counter leans to the side to look around you, checks Jojo out and says, “get it, girl.”

“That’s what i’m talkin’ bout,” Jojo murmurs to you and gives her a wink.

Both the individual bathrooms are occupied. Joel stands with his back against the wall facing the bathrooms, so y’all are waiting out of view of the grill. You’re facing him. He grabs your ass with both hands, pulling you into him, massive erection straining his pants, yearning to get to you. His cock digs into your front. You kiss him and he kneads your butt cheeks as your mouths consume each other. He moans quietly into your mouth. His hard cock twitches against you.

He breaks the kiss and breathes heavily against your ear, then whispers “feel like i’m gonna die.”

A toilet flushes. The bathroom smells faintly of cleaning supplies, and it doesn’t look dirty. The illusion of cleanliness is enough to not think about it.

You wanna be right on top of him, but as he locks the door, you find yourself slowly taking a step backwards, watching him in anticipation, almost like you’re daring him to come after you and show you what he’s got. He looks at you darkly and prowls toward you, unbuckling his belt, lips parted, eyes dark like a stalking animal. You freeze. He unbuttons his jeans and walks until his hardness bumps into your thigh.

Then, at a faster pace, he walks you almost all the way to the sink, then grabs your butt to stop you. He hikes up your skirt so it's all the way over your ass. He grabs your ass with one hand and pulls you into him again. The strength of his erection through his exposed boxer briefs gives you another shock of arousal on top of your already desperate need. He pulls back his hips enough for his free hand to engulf your crotch. His thick middle finger presses down on the (very) damp spot in your leggings.

"Soaked for me, aren't ya?" The hand on your ass slides down and curls between your legs. His warm finger slips into one of the fishnet holes.

He uses both hands, one from the front and one from the back, to rip open the fishnets. “Fuck yeah,” he growls. The hand from the back returns to your asscheek, while the other hand remains between your legs. The side of his index finger meets your dripping seam. “Mmmmmm,” he slides his hand up and down for just a couple of seconds, then looks at the sink. “Think ya can sit up here?”

“mm. yeah, if you–”

He helps you onto the edge of the sink. You hold onto the sides and he immediately squats down with his head between your legs.

“Just fuck me,” you say, dying to have him inside you. Your walls are twitching as though your cunt is making a gimme gimme motion like a fist.

“i gotta taste ya," he mumbles as he spreads your thighs. “Sorry, just a sec.” He further rips the fishnets, exposing you to the cool air then sighs, “fuck,” as he reaches behind you to hold your ass. He whispers “just real quick,” his hot breath on your mound, before he plants his mouth on your cunt.

He licks at your entrance. “Mmmm,” he tongues and sucks your clit, then takes one hand off your ass to palm his boxer briefs.

You fist his hair, sighing, “Ohh God, I need that cock, baby. We got time for this later.” You’re physically aching to be filled.

He kisses your clit goodbye, then whispers, "god damn." He puts both hands on your thighs as he stands up. When he’s standing, he yanks his boxer briefs down and his naked cock bobs heavily, making you nearly drool. He’s shaved. It’s thick. Length-wise you might be able to take it. The girth will be a stretch.

He curls his fingers under your mesh crop top and you raise your arms as he discards it. “Fuck it, you’re changin’, right?” He tugs at your bra, and you take it off.

“Oh, fuck me,” he takes in the sight of your tits and can’t resist sucking a nipple into his mouth while palming the other.

You grab his cock. “Are you gonna put this in me tonight or nah?”

“God damn, you need it don’t ya?” He wraps an arm around you and you put your arms around his neck. He nudges you by the ass toward the edge.

“fuck just give it to me.”

He runs his swollen, mauve tip through your slick, then notches it at your entrance and plunges into you with a groan. You gasp as his girth spreads you apart. You can’t remember the last time you felt a stretch like this. But he pushes it right in. You’re so turned on, it works. You watch his cock disappear into you. You glance up at him to see his mouth hanging open with a sigh of relief as his tip nudges your cervix and makes you whole. He sucks in a deep breath as he retreats, then says “FUCK, that’s a nice cunt.”

His fingers dig into the plush flesh of your ass and he begins to fuck you. You pull up his shirt and it’s so tight that it stays where you leave it. He has a slutty little hip tattoo that says yeah. His lips latch onto yours as he buries his length in you again and again. It’s all sucking and biting and hot, humid breath as you moan against each other’s cheeks before your tongues are in each other’s mouths again. The bottom half of your face gets slobbery. He fucks you like he means it, grunting and moaning, “oh yeah.” Your bodies are dewy where your skin meets.

You wrap your legs around him. Your pelvis grinds against his and your orgasm is building. You tell him, “Don’t hold back”

“You want me to last?” He asks as he pumps in and out of you.

“In here?--ohhhh–time for that later”

“Oh, you already close, ain’t ya?” he speeds up and his chain bounces with the power of his motions. “Fuck yeah, baby, c’mere, c’,mon” His cock pistons into you. It’s even better than you imagined so many times in your pathetic excuse for a bed. Oh shit, will you really sleep together? The thought of it melts you. The thought of a real bed alone melts you, but with him, with this cock inches away, god this cock, it feels so, it’s so—A primal grunt comes from his chest. His heavy breathing and grinding against your clit have you on the edge ready to tip.

You whimper, “baby,” pinching your eyes shut.

He grips your ass harder and grinds his shaved pubic bone into you as he fucks you smooth and fast. He fucks like a porn star. “C’mon, jailbird.”

He buries his length in you even faster, then pleasure seizes your whole body and you come on his fat cock.

“Ohhhhh yeah, fuck yeah,” he breathes.

He thrusts into you a few more times, “fuck, baby,” then bottoms out and erupts. He sighs a long sigh as his warm release coats your insides.

“Mmmm,” you savor the pulse of his cock and you twitch with aftershocks. “Oh, god.” He hugs you and you rest your head on his chest while you both catch your breath. His chain feels massive on on your cheek.

Someone finally knocks on the door. He pulls out and helps you down off the sink.

“Someone in here,” he tells them. He pulls up his pants, then leans against the tile of the bathroom wall as he zips them up and fastens his belt while you change.

You thank him again for the clothes as you look in the mirror and turn around.

“Look good on ya. Guess I did alright.”

His face is flushed pink and his hair is a little messed up. He seems to notice you looking at his face and he pushes himself off the wall to look in the mirror. He rakes his hand through his hair, then scratches one side of his beard, turning away from the mirror.

–

You sit down for a late dinner. Neither of you look at the menu. Jojo orders cherry coke and a texas cheesesteak with double hashbrowns covered, smothered, and chunked. You order your favorite meal and he compliments it. Your eyes are on his forearms and tattoos. As he brings the sandwich to his mouth. God damn, how’d this fine ass man practically fall in your lap? You feel like you owe Mabel big time.

You ask, “You really go grocery shoppin’?”

He raises his eyebrows and smiles with his mouth full, nodding. “Mmm-hmm.” After he finishes chewing he washes it down with a sip of cherry coke, then adds, “but you know what i really want.” He looks at you darkly. “So tell me it’s all you can eat, baby.”

“Just for you, Jojo. . .”

-----

yeah he wants to be covered and smothered in that.

Thank you so much for reading and engaging. I love your passion and your comments and reblogs really motivate me. <333

----

@toxicfics for notifications, make sure your phone is set to enable push notifications from tumblr.

⚠️ Since so many people are saying tags aren't working, I may discontinue the tag list ⚠️

All Joel:@ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxious @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @jasminespringtime @romanarose @fandomsfallnomore @djarinxore @blackvelveteen1339 @manazo @wolvesandvampires @taeslarityy @str84pedro @lokanda @kyloispunk @filthfairy @fieryglutenfreechickennoodles @harriedandharassed @moonlightdivine @worhols @fan-fiction-floozy @cutesyscreenname @weddingfairy @pedropascal-whore @spideysimpossiblegirl @feministfanboi @gracieispunk @prettypartyfavor @am-3-thyst @babeincolor @milla-frenchy @switchbladedreamz @within-the-depths @am-3-thyst @may-machin @pedromania91 @sloanexx @paleidiot @yourmistysecret @bean-is-reading

#joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #toxicanonymity ☠️#cellmate's nephew!joel #CN!Joel Miller #CN!Joel #cellmate's nephew!joel miller #jojo ☠️#finally f*cking Friday #joel x reader

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coralinnii · 2 years

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being reincarnated into a new world as the bad guy

feat. Riddle, Leona

note: this is kinda a long post, can be interpreted as gn!reader, reader is different for each character, I might write blurbs cuz I like the villain/ess genre

part 2 part 3

series masterlist

For heroes to succeed, a villain must fall. Novels, films, and games taught generations to never pity the wicked who stands in the heroine’s way, but you couldn’t bring yourself to follow these sentiments. Your heart goes out to the villains and villainess who drowned in their grief, trapped in a heartless situation, and abandoned by their beloved. Why is it their fault they fell in love with someone who doesn’t love them back? Could their lives be different if given the choice?

“Why couldn’t they be loved too?” You had your final thoughts as you drifted to sleep, only to wake in a startling new yet familiar reality.

Where is this and why do they keep calling you by the villain’s name?

You woke up in your favourite tragic romance drama as an antagonist after you were apparently hit by a croquet ball during a match with your fiancé-to-be, the son and future heir to the Rosehearts empire. Seeing as your family was prominent in high society, you were given the title as a queen candidate despite the young age of both you and Riddle. Feeling guilty over your accident and obedient to his mother, Riddle agreed to the engagement and your family agreed "on your behalf"

The two of you were only children when your engagement was announced but the queen was already adamant in molding Riddle into the perfect monarch, which would result in a volatile tyrant who would be tragically taken down by his true love, the heroine, and her group of rebels. Not that you as his partner would ever see it anyway as Riddle ended up sending you to jail for breaking one of his many rules and eventually perished in your cell.

You thought of two ways to avoid your pitiful death. You would either find a way to break your engagement with Riddle and leave the empire or work to avoid his fate as a tyrant. Seeing as how your family would rather let you die than annul the engagement and feeling bad to leave Riddle to his doomed future, you began your work to befriend and "un-tyrant" him.

You started by inviting the red-haired heir to your home under the guise of royal studies but really you were making play dates with Riddle and his friends that his mother despised, the marquis’ son Trey and the mischievous son of a merchant Chenya. You were delighted to see Riddle enjoying the moments of childish bliss and how beat red he would get when you held his hands before pulling him around the hallways with Trey and Chenya chuckling ahead of you two.

“Riddy, why won’t you give me a nickname?” You teased the redhead but he took your words seriously, as he always does with you.

“I-I wouldn’t know what to call you”

“Mine isn’t very creative either, you know” You giggled at the blooming red hue on your betrothed. “Anything will do. Something that you think would suit me or reminds you of me”

“…Then how about…”

As joyous as your time was, you kept track of impending events that may trigger Riddle’s descent into his tyrannical path.

Then you remembered. One day, the queen found out about his visits to the village with his friends and soon forbade her son to interact with anyone without her supervision, using you as her spy.

When Trey suggested a specific market festival happening at the village, you lied to Riddle and chose to stay behind in your mansion as the boys went off to the village. As you expected, this was the fateful event as the queen came by your home to inspect her son’s study progress.

Though you feared his mother, you kept your doors shut and refused to let her into the room until Riddle managed to climb back through the window. Outraged by your insubordination, his mother immediately annulled your engagement, stripped off your status, and demanded for your imprisonment. At Riddle’s tearful begging however, you were instead sent to a tower not to be seen by the royal family or your own, not that they wanted anything to do with you after this incident.

Years passed and you were unaware of how the story progressed now that you were out of the picture. Occasionally, Chenya would sneak to your tower and tell you of the outside world and bring you letters from Riddle, who blamed himself for your predicament. You may dislike the unreasonable queen, but you could never hate the sweet boy you had the pleasure to have known.

You failed to change the story and now you couldn’t even see the boy you came to cherish. Chenya offered to help you fake your death and escape but ultimately you shook your head.

“I can’t do that to him. I can't leave him like that.”

Although, the letters you used to receive were dwindling as Chenya told you that Riddle was getting too busy and the queen kept strengthening her reigns on Riddle’s actions. Based on the last letter and Chenya’s implications, you surmised Riddle was to inherit the crown soon and he have forgotten about you or have just abandoned the burdensome prisoner. So, with a bittersweet smile, all you could do now was ask Chenya to deliver your last letter.

“This will be my last letter, Riddy. I know you will lead this kingdom with benevolence. All I hope is that you find someone who loves you dearly as I did”

Believing you have failed, you decided with a heavy heart to escape your prison and leave the empire forever. However, before you could...

“We’re here to bring you to the imperial palace” the blue-haired knight explained as he and his red-haired colleague made way for you to exit your prison. Confused, you were forced to follow them as they led you out of your tower. You tried to ask the knights, but all the messy-haired knight could say was “no one can figure out what that crazy king is thinking”

You rode off in an extravagant carriage away from the tower you've spent your adolescence in. Nerves were getting to you as the carriage brought you closer to the capital. Did Riddle call for you or was it really the queen? With a sinking feeling, you wondered if Riddle call you to finish what his mother started all those years ago?

"No, it can't be. Right?"

Without a chance to tidy yourself, you were rushed to the throne room where sitting proudly at the king’s seat was your childhood friend, already a king at the age of 17.

Before you could decide how to conduct yourself, Riddle was already making strides to you, everyone watched with bated breath as their strict monarch now stood face to face with you.

“Rosie…” he whispered your old nickname and you immediately responded.

“Riddy- I mean Riddle- I mean your majesty!” You fumble with your words as Riddle’s piercing grey eyes looked into yours, who chuckled as he gently took your hands in his, the same way you used to with him as children. You grew flustered over the attention, a warm glow was blooming in your heart.

However, that feeling dissipated when his expression steeled itself and he waved his hand to his knights and attendants.

“Well, what are you all waiting for? Kneel!”

Within seconds, everyone in the room fell to their knees and lowered their heads as they greeted their kingdom’s newest royal addition, you. With your hands still cradled by your apparent husband, you realized the story may have changed slightly but your king was the same. You still have to help your red-headed companion from his fate as the tragic tyrant.

It’s still not too late, right?

The novel was really well-received by female audience because it was set in a woman-dominated kingdom where the female lead learns to fight and lead as the future queen. Her biggest obstacles were dismantling the rebellious antagonist group led by her husband’s uncle and the second prince, Leona Kingscholar who was now your arranged husband.

Thankfully, you reincarnated a decade before the heroine was to debut so you could assess your predicament before the story could begin. Leona, despite his portrayal in the series as an irredeemable villain, was your favourite and you were determined to change the story for his sake. You were his partner, right? Why wouldn’t you want your husband to be happy?

What confused you was that your grumpy husband was so different from the story. His nephew Cheka, who was said to fear his uncle, adored him. Clinging to his leg, begging him to play for hours of the day.

For as much as Leona grumbled and complained, he gave into his nephew’s pleas and played with him, which was really just pushing the more rigorous play activities onto you or his closest attendant Ruggie while he naps nearby.

Things started to click when you returned to your personal quarters after playing chess with Leona who refuses to hold back (not because he finds your frustrated expressions adorable as you rack your brain to one-up him, of course). You overheard the servants badmouthing your husband, giving false comments of sympathy. “He’s so smart but sadly he’s just the second prince”, “he has such potential but alas he’s only a title with no power in the palace”.

You told him about this but to your horror, Leona told you he knew about how the people of the kingdom sees him. He broke your heart when he told you as told he was telling himself

“It’s true, isn’t it? I’m nothing to this kingdom. The pitiful prince”

Screw your husband. You weren’t going to let this continue in your mansion. With Ruggie’s help as well as the assistance of a new knight named Jack, you gathered all the servants who ever dared to speak ill of the second prince. With hidden (and albeit sadistic) delight, you fired every single one of them without giving them a chance to explain themselves with only your last words to them.

“Your words were an insult to a member of the royal family and worse, to my husband. Leona may have let this insolence be, but I’m far less forgiving”

The servants were quick to run to the current king and queen, thinking their king would reprimand your “power-crazed rampage”. However, the royal couple was quicker to banish them from the palace.

Leona cornered you in the bedroom you two shared (for appearance's sake), demanding why you would go such lengths for someone like him. His intimidating figure and glare may scare many but not you as you locked your eyes and unhesitatingly replied

“No one belittles the prince who is beloved and respected”

Although, those who sing praises to your husband are not safe from your scrutiny. You remember the names of the aristocrats from the rebellion group who dare think to use Leona as a puppet and you weren’t having that.

#protectivepartnermode

Sick of your stubbornness, the traitorous aristocrats went behind your back to speak to Leona, hoping to entice him to betray his family and spouse in favor of immense power and a harem of beautiful women and men at his feet. Afterall, you two were bound only in political marriage.

Hah, wrong move

Leona was growing more irritated as the aristocrats cried and begged for his forgiveness as they were pinned down by the royal guards. Where did they find the galls to disturb him with worthless notions of their utopia. He was supposed to be heading to the garden to start his teatime with you. As amusing as it was to him to imagine your pout as you impatiently waited for him, he knew not to let his beloved wait too long.

“That herbivore can hold a grudge” he mused.

To his annoyance, one of the traitors still thought he had the upper hand, pulling himself from the guard's grip to hold onto Leona. He thought he could change the mind of the once hopeless prince. He pleaded, surely a powerless outsider couldn’t be worth giving up the throne?!

His thoughts were cut off with a crunch and a scream, his. He looked to his hand that was reaching out to Leona, seeing it bend painfully under the heel of the prince's foot. Did the lazy prince just break his hand? With his growl and a nod of his head, the blabbermouth ex-aristocrat was pulled away by the guards.

“Make sure his tongue is cut”

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst imagines #riddle rosehearts #riddle x reader #leona kingscholar #leona x reader #villainess au

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sockmeat · 1 year

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What are y’all’s thoughts on Crimson from HB?? Like obviously he’a a piece of shit, but there is literally so much potential for dark content my mind is BUZZING

I HAVE SOME IDEAS... ok i only have 2 (just a warning, they’re a little dark)

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

THE FIRST ONE: The reader is Moxxie’s little sister. When Moxxie goes to jail and chooses to stay away from his hometown and family, he forgets one thing--his little sister. Ever since Moxxie left, Crimson has been telling reader how much Moxxie hates her, how much he hates the family, how much he wanted to get away from her.

So, reasonably, the reader grows to resent Moxxie. Occasionally, she’ll think about what life outside of the mansion is like. She’ll remember how Moxxie treated her, how he made sure she was never around for Crimson’s fits, and wonder if he doesn’t actually hate her.

Crimson has gotten good at spotting when this happens: she’s less willing to listen to his commands, she’s always spacing out, and always looking at Moxxie’s empty room. He’s always quick to snip that hesitance in the bud and warp her perspective of her dear older brother. She’s always been a daddy’s girl (and hasn’t really had a taste of a healthy relationship), so she believes him.

When the IMP is called over to the mansion, Crimson doesn’t tell the reader that Moxxie is there. He is fiercely protective of her and knows Moxxie would try to save her.

Crimson’s reason for inviting Moxxie doesn’t change. He wants Moxxie to marry Chazwick. However, this time, Crimson does have a back-up plan: if Crimson is unable to marry Chazwick, for whatever reason, the reader will marry him instead.

I haven’t quite decided how Moxxie and the reader will reunite, but I don’t want it to be too soon. Maybe she’s attracted to the commotion Millie causes and enters the wedding and barely sees Moxxie before he’s swooped off.

THE SECOND IDEA: The reader is Moxxie’s mother and Crimson’s wife. She basically replaces the actual character. Unfortunately for her, she has a bit of a savior complex so she aims to try and help Crimson’s state of mind.

They met before Moxxie was conceived. Her family is a part of a smaller chain of the mafia and basically relies on the (wtf is their last name??) family to keep their connections and stay out of debt.

The reader’s and Crimsons’ marriage was arranged. It was decided since before they were born that the oldest of their families, which happened to be them, would wed and have an heir.

Unfortunately for the reader, both families have a pretty sexist point of view. They believe the women should serve their husbands and make sure the children are spoken for. Among the long list of no-no’s, she isn’t allowed to raise a fist to Crimson. She hasn’t been taught basic self defense to ensure she doesn’t break this rule.

At first, Crimson is very clear about his hatred for her. Though, since he’s so adamant about not disrespecting the family, he only expresses it when they’re behind closed doors.

The reader still tries despite how he treats her. She’s determined to live a normal life, and if that means risking it to get closer to Crimson, so be it. It’s all or nothing.

The reader’s story is a bit like the ugly duckling. Until her mid-teen years, she has no idea how to dress, pose, or look flattering at all. Crimson continues to be rude and unforgiving until she gets her glow-up.

That’s when he starts to notice her more. How she doesn’t raise her voice at him no matter what he does to pester her, how she somehow finds a reason to forgive him despite everything, how her boobs have grown since they were kids--

Yeah, he pretty much jumps her bones whenever he gets the opportunity. Moxxie is born and the reader stops trying to please Crimson 24/7 to take care and nurture Moxxie.

That’s about as far as I got on that...

I do wanna write these, but I’m not sure how big the Crimson Simps(TM) sections will go considering he’s a douche bag

Let me know!

#spoilers #helluva boss spoilers #helluva boss crimson x reader #helluva boss x reader #helluva boss reader insert #female reader #fem reader #crimson x reader #dark content #tw: dark content #tw dark content #my writing

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rengadyke · 2 years

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adam, being handcuffed: ooh, tighter! daddy likes it rough 😘

police officer: sir, you’re under arrest

#sk8 #sk8 the infinity #sk8 adam #shindo ainosuke #incorrect quotes #adam goes to jail only when it’s funny #and tadashi always gets him off (he he 😏)#but in the meantime he flirts with everyone at the station hoping to sleep his way to freedom

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chicken-wayng · 2 months

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This may just be my own brain rotting in Yellowjackets and thinking this is a solid theory... But I feel like it has some proof

The scene:

The lyrics:

One goes to the morgue

And the other to jail

One guy's wasted

And the other's a waste

It goes down the same as the thousand before, no one's getting smarter, no one's learning the score,

Your never-ending spree of death and violence and hate

IS GONNA TIE YOUR OWN ROPE, TIE YOUR OWN ROPE, TIE YOUR OWN ROPE

(I think after Nat, any one of them could fit into any of the lyrics but I'd like to explain my reasons on why I picked who I picked:

I picked Shauna as the one to go to jail bc it seems like she's going down for Adam's murder. I picked Taissa as wasted because I think she's going through it and slowly declining into insanity. I picked Misty as the waste because no one utilizes her to her full potential. I included Lottie and Travis where I did because my theory is that if Travis actually killed himself, it's to foreshadow the only way to "escape" the wilderness. Without Nat, I fully believe Lottie is gonna go off the deep end now.)

#yellowjackets #shaunajackie #shauna shipman #taissa turner #lottie matthews #natalie scatorccio #misty quigley #fan theory #chickenwayng

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pilot-boi · 5 months

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Wonder what other ghosts affect the Voices AU. Watts? Lionheart? Sienna? Fennec Albain? Amber? Vernal? Brawnz, Roy, and May Z? Pilot Boi? Fria? Nicholas Schnee? Gretchen? F Pickerel (the guy who initially captured Tyrian)? Ilia's parents? That huntsman that died in front of RNJR in Volume 4? Fox's uncle Copper? Marcus Black? Bartleby from Brunswick Farms? Ozpin (the host, not Ozma)? Forest? Curious? Neo's parents? Rhodes? Sleet? Hazel? Tock? Tukson? Clover? Vine? Sorry this is a lot.

Nah you’re good, lemme just cover them one at a time. It’s nice to see people excited

Saddle in because this going to be VERY long

Okay first of all we need to establish some ground rules. Not all deaths in Remnant create a ghost, otherwise Jaune wouldn’t be able to function ANYWHERE because if all natural deaths made a ghost the whole world would be infested

So ghosts only appear from particularly traumatic/violent deaths. AKA Grimm, usually. But if you die peacefully in your bed, you don’t make a ghost.

ALSO, if it’s been long enough, or they don’t have a reason to stay, a ghost will fade away. This process is faster for ghosts without their Aura unlocked. As they fade they become harder and harder to understand until their speech is complete unintelligible

For example, Oz and Salem’s daughters have LONG since faded. In Kuroyuri most of the citizens are still around but they’re completely unintelligible and barely corporeal, but Li is the same as the day he died because he has a “mission” to continue protecting the village

So going through the list, I can say that Fria, Nicholas Schnee, and presumably Neo’s parents wouldn’t have ghosts. They all died naturally. But all those other guys would have ghosts

Most of them continue haunting the area where they died, or go off and do their own thing

Some of them would probably follow the gang around if they could but they don’t know where the gang is. For example, Ironwood only knows where they are because he was in the inner circle and so knows the next target is Vacuo

And then there’s the ghosts that don’t follow out of choice

Pilot Boi, for example, tries to find his way back to Atlas. Bartleby continues haunting his farm even after the gang leave. Lionheart is a coward and stays in Haven Academy. The huntsman who died returns to the capital, same with Tock with her respective city. Forest and Sleet stay haunting the ruins of Mantle and Atlas, as do Amber and Tukson with Vale.

That leaves a LOT of ghosts though, so let’s cover them one at a time

Most of them, if they don’t haunt a location, follow around someone who was important to them in life, like Pyrrha does with Jaune

Watts and Ironwood both go to Vacuo, because they know that’s the next target. They bicker the whole way which is very entertaining

Hazel follows Emerald around, a sort of guardian spirit. Since he helped them escape and fought Salem for them, Jaune doesn’t see any reason to try and get him to leave. He does tell Emerald that Hazel is there, though

Fennec follows his brother around, which mostly just consists of the two of them sitting in jail. He tries to comfort his brother, but of course Corsac doesn’t know he’s there

Sienna follows Adam around, constantly berating him, and she helps Pyrrha kick his ass when he finally dies. After that she goes back to Menagerie

Vernal either follows Raven around or returns to the tribe. It’s not like she’d be lonely, there’s plenty of ghosts in the Branwens to keep her company

Brawnz, Roy, and May Z all follow Nolan to Vacuo when he goes. He doesn’t know they’re there until Jaune arrives and can tell him, and then Nolan breaks down crying because his team didn’t let him have to be alone, even after dying

Gretchen, of course, follows her twin around and the two reunite after his death. It’s the happiest and most complete Hazel has felt in decades. Jaune doesn’t even know they were siblings until after Hazel dies and they reunite. After all, she still looks seventeen

F Pickerel probably tries to follow Tyrian around, at least until he joins Salem, and then the man’s spirit is promptly banished. Gretchen she allows to stay because she knows the girl won’t try to interfere, she just wants to be with her brother, but Pickerel could be a problem

Ilia’s parents of course follow her around, from Mantle to Mistral to Menagerie and eventually to Vacuo. Not that she knows, again until Jaune gets to Vacuo and can tell her. Then she has a similar reaction to Nolan

Copper follows Fox until he joins team CFVY and finally has a family again, then the man passes on since his “nephew” is safe and loved

Marcus Black would certainly TRY to follow Mercury, at least until he gets to Everlight. Then the man almost meets a similar fate from Gretchen as Adam does at Pyrrha’s hands. Gretchen isn’t quite strong enough to get him to leave, just enough to get him to keep his distance. Once Hazel dies, though, it’s all over for him

Ozpin, of course, follows Oscar around. Jaune actually figured something is up with Oscar when they first meet because for the first time ever, someone else can hear what a ghost is saying. Only the most recent Ozcarnation remains as a spirit, and as the merge comes closer, Ozpin’s ghost starts to fade

Oz used to be able to see/hear ghosts just like Salem, but as he’s used up his magic he’s lost that ability. He DOES know that Jaune can see ghosts, because the boy makes eye contact with him and reacts when he speaks to Oscar

Rhodes would, of course, follow Cinder, but he gets similarly banished when she joins up with Salem. A Huntsman’s spirit is too dangerous to keep around

Clover follows Qrow around, trying to apologize to the man for his stupidity. The two of them reunite when Vine dies, and they actually also get to reunite with Tortuga as well. With Tortuga back it’s the first time the Ace Ops have felt whole since his death, and all three follow the remaining Ace Ops to Vacuo

And finally, the Curious Cat. CC doesn’t leave a spirit when they die, because Ascension works differently. No body left behind, so I figure also no spirit. Alyx only left one behind because she was killed and because she’s from Remnant she doesn’t ascend

#rwby #voices au #jaune arc #professor ozpin #hazel rainart #arthur watts #leonardo lionheart #sienna khan #curious cat #clover ebi #vine zeki #salem #mine #asks #anonymously20 blog

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meltingpenguins · 7 months

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Ineffable.

One of the most beloved and important words in the Good Omens fandom.

But are people aware just how deep it goes in the book? How much, in the book, it is tied to Crowley and Aziraphale's character-arc and development throughout human history?

When the word is first use by Aziraphale it's when he declares that one shouldn't question the Almighty's ways cause they're ineffable, not for people like him or Crowley to understand.

“You’ve got to admit it’s a bit of a pantomime, though,” said Crawly. “I mean, pointing out the Tree and saying ‘Don’t Touch’ in big letters. Not very subtle, is it? I mean, why not put it on top of a high mountain or a long way off? Makes you wonder what He’s really planning.” “Best not to speculate, really,” said Aziraphale. “You can’t second-guess ineffability, I always say. There’s Right, and there’s Wrong. If you do Wrong when you’re told to do Right, you deserve to be punished. Er.”

This is in the Garden of Eden. Aziraphale has just been appointed to guard the Eastern Gate, and has given away the flaming sword he had received for that task, meaning he was meant to strike down anyone who tries to get into the garden (i.e. Adam and Eve, at the time), and instead defied God's orders and gave the sword away.

What Aziraphale is doing here is he's using 'ineffable' as a 'get out of jail free-card'. He's using it in a way that pretty much says

'I technically agree with you, but I mustn't doubt the Almighty, what with me being an angel and all, and you know first hand what doubting and questioning God entitles.'

He has his doubts about the whole tree thing and all, but he fears Falling, so he weasels his way around it. Doesn't mean he's not thoroughly rattled at what happened and what might happen:

“I’m not sure it’s actually possible for you to do evil,” said Crawly sarcastically. Aziraphale didn’t notice the tone. “Oh, I do hope so,” he said. “I really do hope so. It’s been worrying me all afternoon.” They watched the rain for a while. “Funny thing is,” said Crawly, “I keep wondering whether the apple thing wasn’t the right thing to do, as well. A demon can get into real trouble, doing the right thing.” He nudged the angel. “Funny if we both got it wrong, eh? Funny if I did the good thing and you did the bad one, eh?” “Not really,” said Aziraphale. Crawly looked at the rain. “No,” he said, sobering up. “I suppose not.”

Here we have Crowley/Crawly pretty much forget for a moment who he is talking to. He might try to cheer Aziraphale up (he's only mentioning that a demon can get into trouble for doing the right thing) already showing traces of his own kindness, but Aziraphale's dry 'not really' and Crowley's reaction to it show how worried Aziraphale is, and Crowley respects that. Knowing first hand that the angel has all reasons to be worried.

But, chronologically speaking, the next time we see Aziraphale use 'ineffable' it's about 5000 years later:

And just when you’d think they were more malignant than ever Hell could be, they could occasionally show more grace than Heaven ever dreamed of. Often the same individual was involved. It was this free-will thing, of course. It was a bugger. Aziraphale had tried to explain it to him once. The whole point, he’d said—this was somewhere around 1020, when they’d first reached their little Arrangement—the whole point was that when a human was good or bad it was because they wanted to be. Whereas people like Crowley and, of course, himself, were set in their ways right from the start. People couldn’t become truly holy, he said, unless they also had the opportunity to be definitively wicked. Crowley had thought about this for some time and, around about 1023, had said, Hang on, that only works, right, if you start everyone off equal, okay? You can’t start someone off in a muddy shack in the middle of a war zone and expect them to do as well as someone born in a castle. Ah, Aziraphale had said, that’s the good bit. The lower you start, the more opportunities you have. Crowley had said, That’s lunatic. No, said Aziraphale, it’s ineffable.

See the shift? Now Aziraphale is using the term as a 'argument winner'. Like a smug 'I'm right, you're wrong, nothing you can do about it'. Why?

Because over 5000 years Aziraphale really settled into being upper class, posh, privileged. What's he's doing here is very much in the same vein as all those 'if you can't pay rent eat less avocado toast' articles.

He's saying that poor people have 'more' opportunities in life (not just in terms of doing good or bad, looking at it) than rich people, because why should rich people take up jobs for example. It is a twisted logic we still see today from people in positions of privilege.

The kind of people that will tell you you have much more a shot at saving the planet because you can just use paper straws, while they are woefully barred from doing this kind of good because there's only fancy black plastic straws on their private jets and yachts.

And they expect you to agree with that.

Aziraphale has the heart in the right place, but he's still an asshole who has grown very comfortable being part of the human upper crust.

(Crowley, and Hell by extension are more akin to the working class folks, and Crowley endorses it, but that is an analysis for another time)

So yeah, by now 'ineffable' has become more of an argument winner.

One that Crowley throws back into Aziraphale's face at a later point and with great impact, but we'll come to that in a moment.

Because chronologically speaking, we see another shift in its use:

“Listen,” said Crowley desperately, “how many musicians do you think your side have got, eh? First grade, I mean.” Aziraphale looked taken aback. “Well, I should think—” he began. “Two,” said Crowley. “Elgar and Liszt. That’s all. We’ve got the rest. Beethoven, Brahms, all the Bachs, Mozart, the lot. Can you imagine eternity with Elgar?” Aziraphale shut his eyes. “All too easily,” he groaned. “That’s it, then,” said Crowley, with a gleam of triumph. He knew Aziraphale’s weak spot all right. “No more compact discs. No more Albert Hall. No more Proms. No more Glyndbourne. Just celestial harmonies all day long.” “Ineffable,” Aziraphale murmured.

This is when Crowley is trying to convince Aziraphale that this whole Armageddon business is a rotten cause, and let's just not do it and all...

Now Aziraphale uses 'ineffable' in a way more akin to what it was used like in Eden, but with a bit of a twist. Now it's more of a 'I mustn't question God's ways, but dang I have an urge to bite someone'. It's again used as a way to avoid outright doubting god, but he's really grumpy about it.

Curiously, when he uses it again a few lines further down:

“And then Game Over, Insert Coin?” said Crowley. “Sometimes I find your methods of expression a little difficult to follow.” “I like the seas as they are. It doesn’t have to happen. You don’t have to test everything to destruction just to see if you made it right.” Aziraphale shrugged again. “That’s ineffable wisdom for you, I’m afraid.” The angel shuddered, and pulled his coat around him. Gray clouds were piling up over the city.

Now it's more leaning towards argument winner again, but mixed with the above. (but leaning towards argument winner, or better argument ender.)

The next use is from Crowley, when they're both very plastered:

Crowley decided not to argue the point. “There you are then,” he said. “All creatures great and smoke. I mean small. Great and small. Lot of them with brains. And then, bazamm.” “But you’re part of it,” said Aziraphale. “You tempt people. You’re good at it.” Crowley thumped his glass on the table. “That’s different. They don’t have to say yes. That’s the ineffable bit, right? Your side made it up. You’ve got to keep testing people. But not to destruction.”

Crowley is using it part in the dictionary meaning of the word, half in a throwing it back into Aziraphale's face way, as if to say 'hey, here's this nonsensical bit that people keep getting told not to question, cause if they would it'd very quickly fall apart'

However:

“I can’t interfere with divine plans,” he croaked. Crowley looked speculatively into his glass, and then filled it again. “What about diabolical ones?” he said. “Pardon?” “Well, it’s got to be a diabolical plan, hasn’t it? We’re doing it. My side.” “Ah, but it’s all part of the overall divine plan,” said Aziraphale. “Your side can’t do anything without it being part of the ineffable divine plan,” he added, with a trace of smugness. “You wish!” “No, that’s the—” Aziraphale snapped his fingers irritably. “The thing. What d’you call it in your colorful idiom? The line at the bottom.” “The bottom line.” “Yes. It’s that.”

Now (a few lines of drunken philosophizing and stumbling over each other's thought) Aziraphale uses the term very smugly again, in an attempt to get the upper hand in the argument. Crowley's not buying it.

Aziraphale still tries, though:

“Then you can’t be certain, correct me if I’m wrong, you can’t be certain that thwarting it isn’t part of the divine plan too. I mean, you’re supposed to thwart the wiles of the Evil One at every turn, aren’t you?” Aziraphale hesitated. “There is that, yes.” “You see a wile, you thwart. Am I right?” “Broadly, broadly. Actually I encourage humans to do the actual thwarting. Because of ineffability, you understand.”

(Translation: I -could- do that myself, but I can't be arsed, too much work)

Then, 11 years later, we have this bit:

He thumped the steering wheel. “You’ll be amazed at the kind of things they can do to you, down there,” he said. “I imagine they’re very similar to the sort of things they can do to one up there,” said Aziraphale. “Come off it. Your lot get ineffable mercy,” said Crowley sourly. “Yes? Did you ever visit Gomorrah?” “Sure,” said the demon. “There was this great little tavern where you could get these terrific fermented date-palm cocktails with nutmeg and crushed lemongrass—” “I meant afterwards.” “Oh.”

Crowley uses it in a similar way to how he used it in the drunken talk, but more bitter. And in a 'I know how much you love using this word to win arguments >:Y ' way.

And then comes the bit where everything culminates:

“What’d I do? What’d I do?” said Crowley, pushing open doors at random. “There are people out there shooting one another!” “Well, that’s just it, isn’t it? They’re doing it themselves. It’s what they really want to do. I just assisted them. Think of it as a microcosm of the universe. Free will for everyone. Ineffable, right?” Aziraphale glared. “Oh, all right,” said Crowley wretchedly. “No one’s actually going to get killed. They’re all going to have miraculous escapes. It wouldn’t be any fun otherwise.” Aziraphale relaxed. “You know, Crowley,” he said, beaming, “I’ve always said that, deep down inside, you’re really quite a—” “All right, all right,” Crowley snapped. “Tell the whole blessed world, why don’t you?”

THIS is the ultimate bit of usage of the term between these two. Crowley takes the word that Aziraphale, for 6000 has come to use as a privileged way of winning arguments and throws it back into the angel's face.

And Aziraphale? He catches on, but he also knows Crowley well enough for a glare to convey two things:

That was low, but alright, I get you, and I apologize for using the term to win arguments.

However, I know how much you care about humans and Earth and all, even though that is a thing -you- can't say out loud, so I know you are not happy with the prospect of these people killing each other.

Because after this moment, the term is used twice in a way that seems to have it replace 'fucking' or 'bullshit' or 'ffs can't we just get our shit together about this', by all means:

Good old Malachi. He’d been a nice old boy, sitting there, dreaming about future popes. Complete piss artist, of course. Could have been a real thinker, if it hadn’t been for the poteen. A sad end. Sometimes you really had to hope that the ineffable plan had been properly thought out.

(when we learn more about Aziraphale's collection of prophecies and which prophets he knew personally)

“This is not to say you have not performed well,” said the voice. “You will receive a commendation. Well done.” “Thank you,” said Aziraphale. The bitterness in his voice would have soured milk. “I’d forgotten about ineffability, obviously.” “We thought you had.” “May I ask,” said the angel, “to whom have I been speaking?” The voice said, “We are the Metatron.”

(When Aziraphale's contacting Heaven)

His shades flew to a far corner of the room, and became a puddle of burning plastic. Yellow eyes with slitted vertical pupils were revealed. Wet and steaming, face ash-blackened, as far from cool as it was possible for him to be, on all fours in the blazing bookshop, Crowley cursed Aziraphale, and the ineffable plan, and Above, and Below.

(after Crowley got hit by the jet of water in the burning bookshop)

This ALL brings us to the most amazing double-act in the whole book, the bit that really let's Crowley and Aziraphale's chemistry shine:

Crowley stuck his head in his hands. “For a moment there, just for a moment, I thought we had a chance,” he said. “He had them worried. Oh, well, it was nice while—” He was aware that Aziraphale had stood up. “Excuse me,” said the angel. The trio looked at him. “This Great Plan,” he said, “this would be the ineffable Plan, would it?” There was a moment’s silence. “It’s the Great Plan,” said the Metatron flatly. “You are well aware. There shall be a world lasting six thousand years and it will conclude with—” “Yes, yes, that’s the Great Plan all right,” said Aziraphale. He spoke politely and respectfully, but with the air of one who has just asked an unwelcome question at a political meeting and won’t go away until he gets an answer. “I was just asking if it’s ineffable as well. I just want to be clear on this point.” “It doesn’t matter!” snapped the Metatron. “It’s the same thing, surely!” Surely? thought Crowley. They don’t actually know. He started to grin like an idiot. “So you’re not one hundred percent clear on this?” said Aziraphale. “It’s not given to us to understand the ineffable Plan,” said the Metatron, “but of course the Great Plan—” “But the Great Plan can only be a tiny part of the overall ineffability,” said Crowley. “You can’t be certain that what’s happening right now isn’t exactly right, from an ineffable point of view.” “It izz written!” bellowed Beelzebub. “But it might be written differently somewhere else,” said Crowley. “Where you can’t read it.” “In bigger letters,” said Aziraphale. “Underlined,” Crowley added. “Twice,” suggested Aziraphale. “Perhaps this isn’t just a test of the world,” said Crowley. “It might be a test of you people, too. Hmm?” “God does not play games with His loyal servants,” said the Metatron, but in a worried tone of voice. “Whooo-eee,” said Crowley. “Where have you been?”

These two little shits <3

They know to the rest of Heaven and Hell and probably Earth 'ineffable' has an entirely different meaning than the term has to them. And they are milking it for what it's worth <3

The last word in this, however is not had by either of them:

“Well,” said Crowley, who’d been thinking about this until his head ached, “haven’t you ever wondered about it all? You know—your people and my people, Heaven and Hell, good and evil, all that sort of thing? I mean, why?” “As I recall,” said the angel, stiffly, “there was the rebellion and—” “Ah, yes. And why did it happen, eh? I mean, it didn’t have to, did it?” said Crowley, a manic look in his eye. “Anyone who could build a universe in six days isn’t going to let a little thing like that happen. Unless they want it to, of course.” “Oh, come on. Be sensible,” said Aziraphale, doubtfully. “That’s not good advice,” said Crowley. “That’s not good advice at all. If you sit down and think about it sensibly, you come up with some very funny ideas. Like: why make people inquisitive, and then put some forbidden fruit where they can see it with a big neon finger flashing on and off saying THIS IS IT!?” “I don’t remember any neon.” “Metaphorically, I mean. I mean, why do that if you really don’t want them to eat it, eh? I mean, maybe you just want to see how it all turns out. Maybe it’s all part of a great big ineffable plan. All of it. You, me, him, everything. Some great big test to see if what you’ve built all works properly, eh? You start thinking: it can’t be a great cosmic game of chess, it has to be just very complicated Solitaire. And don’t bother to answer. If we could understand, we wouldn’t be us. Because it’s all—all—” INEFFABLE, said the figure feeding the ducks. “Yeah. Right. Thanks.” They watched the tall stranger carefully dispose of the empty bag in a litter bin, and stalk away across the grass. Then Crowley shook his head. “What was I saying?” he said. “Don’t know,” said Aziraphale. “Nothing very important, I think.” Crowley nodded gloomily. “Let me tempt you to some lunch,” he hissed.

The book leaves it delightfully ambiguous if the figure is Death (who we have seen talking like that so far) OR if this is actually God stepping in and vibes part of their memory because they've gotten a little too close to the truth and it's not yet time. The book's ambiguity really works wonders here.

So, yeah, there you go. It's amazing how much the use of this single little word tells us about these characters and who they are as people.

#good omens #good omens analysis #good omens meta #good omens crowley #good omens aziraphale #long post #book omens

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charlotte-official · 5 months

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THE STEAMBIRD: 11/19 - 11/28

ooc: afiehafieho late again.. oops. hwfehw this weeks issue is not it ngl ive done better

HEAD OF THE KAMISATO CLAN ENTANGLED WITH... HOUSEKEEPER?

Kamisato Ayato, the head of the Kamisato clan, was accused by his sister, Kamisato Ayaka, for being “loud” with the Kamisato’s housekeeper at night. This housekeeper is Thoma.

It started like this: Kamisato Ayato called Miss Kamisato a disappointment to the clan as a whole. At first she was nonchalant, however, simply being a tad wounded, saying “ouch, fuck you too and your boyfriend.”

Thoma, the alleged boyfriend, responded, a little sad, asking what he had done since he had not contributed to the insult from Kamisato Ayato.

Ayaka, with an eye roll, commented that she could hear the two from her room.

The older Kamisato, flustered, tried to cover it up by saying they were “fighting.” Thoma frantically agrees, and Ayaka, seeing through the two’s ploys, sighed, having “never imagined her brother would be a bottom.”

ARATAKI GANG - TAX SHENANIGANS

Arataki Itto, leader of the Arataki Gang (or how he calls himself, Arataki Numero Uno the one and oni head honcho Itto), suddenly burst in, hollering to the Deputy leader of the Arataki Gang, Kuki Shinobu.

Itto, frantically, asks Kuki what taxes are why people are telling him that if you don’t pay them monthly it’s a crime.

Kuki Shinobu, exasperatedly, asks Itto if he’s been paying his taxes. Itto replies that he doesn’t even know what taxes are and thought that “granny oni” handled them for him. Kuki Shinobu sighs and face palms while Itto continues to pester her, asking what taxes are.

Takuya, the blue oni, admits to Shinobu that he too, is confused on what taxes mean. Arataki Itto quips in, asking how to even SPELL taxes.

In an attempt to spell the word, Kuki Shinobu face palms, obviously tired of his shenanigans.

Takuya taps him on the shoulder, and tries to tell him how to spell the word. Itto, however, stubbornly tells him that his method of spelling the word doesn’t make sense and ignores him, adamant on not admitting he’s obviously wrong.

Kuki Shinobu, tired of the Gang’s shenanigans, buckles down and writes out an “Arataki Gang PSA.” Which, obviously, explains the premise of taxes.

Arataki Itto stubbornly proclaims that he refuses to read all that, and Kuki nonchalantly says that she won’t be busting him out of jail next time. Itto immediately takes back his statement and rushes to read the PSA.

After Itto reads the PSA, he blinks at Shinobu, telling her that the government doesn’t know he makes money.

Kuki blinks at him, and then tells him that technically, if the government doesnt know, he technically doesnt have to pay taxes but is also illegal, and that maybe he shouldnt be proclaiming such a thing so loudly in a public place.

Following suit, the two pretended that this never happened at all.

TEYVAT - DOUBLE TROUBLE?

With duplicates and clones n such being all the rage as of lately, it was revealed that another Arataki Itto of the Arataki Gang was discovered. The two pointed at each other and opted to immediately beetle fight. They then flung attack names at each other which were.. More often than not named after body parts.

In fact, even Liyue’s top legal advisor has got herself a twin! Yanfei, Liyue Harbor’s top legal advisor, found herself her own duplicate. In fact, the two are still figuring out what’s going on!

Oh but we can’t forget the first pair! That, being the bard Venti from Mondstadt, and his.. Nameless counterpart. The two are a little less alike, anyhow, Venti being an absolute drunkard and Nameless bard being.. Dead. And also more responsible.

But of course, to top them all, is Il Dottore! The fatui Harbinger with all of his clones!

LIGHT OF KSHAREWAR GOES A LITTLE INSANE BUT STOPS WHEN OFFERED.. SOUP.

The light of Ksharewar, Kaveh, is revealed to have not eaten in 2 days. The first to find this out was none other than his eldritch horror of a cat, Adi.

Adi scolds the architect and tells him to eat. Kaveh, being a little.. Out of it.. tries to eat air. Adi, with an exasperated sigh, calls his “roommate.” (Alhaitham)

A fact the Architect has been desperately trying to deny.

The prior scribe and current Acting Grand Sage, looks at the sustenance-deprived Architect and tells him to eat and that he cant just. He cant just eat air.

Kaveh denies it and goes back to trying to eat air.. Before Alhaitham says he’ll make him soup if he goes home right now and eats.

Kaveh, absolutely bewildered, folds immediately, and rushes back to their alleged shared home.

FATUI HARBINGERS: REGRATOR AND DOCTOR OFFICIALLY TO BE WED

Pantalone- or the Fatui Harbinger known as the Regrator- according to my sources, consulted his fellow Harbinger Sandrone.

Following the consultation, which I assume was a pep talk, Pantalone went to go talk with the Doctor, or Il Dottore.

Entering the kitchen, the Regrator faced the Doctor and got on one knee. Reaching into a pocket, the Harbinger pulled out a box containing a diamond ring.

With a heartfelt proposal, the Regrator asked for Dottores hand in marriage.

Dottore, dumbfounded, could not believe his ears. It was only after Pantalone repeated himself a second time that he was able to respond.

Even then, however, he was unable to believe that Pantalone would really propose to him.

After a few loving words of reassurance, the Doctor caved and said yes.

And thus, the two are to be wed!

headlines:

Itto and webttore argue about eating watermelon crusts and purple and blue haired man from another world argues with itto

Sandrone wants to be dottores harness.

Itto asks if Kaeya gay. Kaeya then turns the conversation around to accuse Itto of being gay.

Diluc is asked if he is the darknight hero. By Itto. He swiftly denies the accusation.

Itto tells Lisa she is sexy. The conversation devolves into Lisa telling him he seems like a man kisser and itto frantically trying to deny the allegation.

Madame Faruzan is appalled after being called old (with disrespect) by Itto

Xiangling and Yanfei begin their journey around Teyvat to go dirt tasting.

blogs mentioned:

@xiangling-official @yanfei-official

@yanfeiofficial

@autistic-arataki-itto @faruzan-official @librarian-lisa-official @diluc-official @kaeya-official @sandrone-official @dottore-official @webttore-official

@thebxnkersprayer

@kaveh-official @alhaitham-official

@venti-official @namelessbard-official

@kamisato-ayaka-official @ayato-official @thoma-official-genshin

@kuki-shinobu-official @the-blue-oni-official

@adi-cat-anon

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lottieurl · 1 year

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you can literally always hate jeff in the tags of my misty posts btw im reading those tags the way one reads a morning newspaper. the fanon version of jeff seems so different to canon jeff like he’s not really the dedicated malewife people make him out to be shsjsks. he didn’t want to even try strawberry lube like c’mon now. he freaked out when she saved their asses and grabbed the gun. perhaps this is an unfair assumption for me to have of the writers but ive seen it happen in other shows and i fear they might’ve seen how the general audience liked there’s no book club!jeff and added more of him and that general vibe bc of it. but to me s1 jeff worked bc you spend most of it distrusting or disliking him and then he has a shining moment at the taylors and thennn he goes back to being Like That when you find out he’s the blackmailer. and it’s like this really sad, terrible marriage two people are stuck in for various reason so idk where the couple goals even in a fun failmarriage way comes from. he’s not even the most interesting non shauna member of the sadecki family!!! callie is right there esp if they’re focusing on her motherhood!!! ANYWAYS. jeff & walter’s downfall 2k23 im with you

okay thank you for giving me the excuse to talk about it actually cause i was thinking this since the season started. people's ENTIRE interpretation of jeff as a character hinges and is almost exclusively based on THERE WAS NO BOOK CLUB? literally everything else he does gets twisted so he can stay this fanon dream himbo wifeguy. and that's the show's fault to an extent for sure cause there is a framing there due to how much they want jeff in the comic relief role. but the show does make a point of showing that jeff is deeply disturbed by shauna, that he's been a shit husband actually and he's kind of an awful person tbh. like! thats not a character flaw per se, we are all here for awful characters. but people don't want an interesting dynamic between those two or for jeff to be more than a one dimensional goofy idiot. and they also want shaunajeff to be like. santa clarita diet marriage or whatever which. loved santa clarita diet but that's AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THING. and an entirely different type of show and we do all get that this would strip shauna of all her amazing nuances right? right? anyways back to jeff. people will see how he reacts to shauna pulling that gun or how he's entirely against everything shauna does regarding callie and go omg wifeguy always supportive. he is not? and for good reasons lmao? people will see teen jeff cheating and be like ye shauna was awful for doing this to jackie but jeff is just a poor little idiot plus (did see a take like this which. hello) jackie wouldn't have sex with him so he's without fault. like. what. anyways he's a cheater who found out SOME of what his wife experiened in the wilderness (not everything for sure cause that man is way waaay WAY too freaked out by shauna's behaviors to know it all lets be real) and decided to profit off the victims he knew as a teen dgsbjfjdjdsb like he offered to go to jail for adam murder in part cause his own blackmailing scheme is what pushed shauna to kill adam? just cause he's kind of funny every once in a while doesn't mean he's A Loving Himbo Wifeguy. all jeff related posts are that and its why i started having an allergic reaction to jeff

#genuinely hate it like this dynamic with him and shauna makes people sort of forget abt all the nuances and complexities #of shauna's character #like i hate that i hate it sorry jeff fans i cant stand this man anymore im tired #i dont want this sitcom vibe except for when callie is there. bye #yellowjackets blogging

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dr-spencer-reids-queen · 7 months

Text

Brothers in Arms: Final Part

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.9k

Summary: You try one more time to get your dad to see how great of a man Spencer is but like before, it doesn’t go as well as you hope. Phoenix Arizona is dealing with a serial killer that is masquerading as gang members, but your team sees through the facade.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

The three men leave under Hotch's orders, and they made a big discovery. The bartender wasn't much help since he doesn't know who the unsub is since it could literally be anyone. Around these parts, Reese has all sorts of enemies. He was a real hard ass that was always looking to get into it with someone who he pissed off. According to pictures of Reese when he was killed, he took a lot of beatings that left him with a lot of bruises.

Still, the bartender is adamant that he didn't get them at the bar. According to him, Reese was in an underground fighting club. It's actually a perfect place for the unsub to try and prove himself worthy. A beating might have been the unsub's stressor.

Once the location of the fighting ring has been revealed, your entire team along with Evans and his men headed over there. A fight is currently going down but not for long.

"FBI! Get on the ground!" Derek yells when he enters. "Get on the ground! Don't move!"

Everyone gets down on the ground so that each officer is able to handcuff them, but one person doesn't get on the ground. He's actually pretty calm despite what's happening.

"We ain't breaking no laws here, Officer. Agents, no matter what it looks like--"

"I think he's trying to let us know they have a right to be idiots," Em scoffs.

"They do, but not here," Evan says. "Listen up, folks. This warehouse is not private property. It is owned by the city, which means y'all are going to jail."

"We ain't hurting nobody, except maybe each other," the man chuckles even though Evans is handcuffing him.

"Yeah, I feel you, but we're still taking you in."

"Unless you want to answer some questions and make all this go away," Derek quickly says.

"So ask me."

"Do you know this man?"

Rossi shows a picture of Reese, the bouncer to the man.

"Yeah. I heard what happened to him, but I didn't kill him."

"No, but someone who came here did."

"No way. Boom could take all of us."

"We're not looking for a tough guy," you say. "The man we're looking for probably lost every fight. He came in here trying to be a man but he failed. This guy went down easily, maybe even in his first fight. He probably reacted poorly to that to the point where you and your boys ridiculed him. This led him to pick up a gun."

"There was a guy. He called himself 'Animal'. He lost every fight but he kept coming back and getting in Boom's face, calling him out. When most guys lose big, they run home with their tail between their legs. This one freaked. There's something about that hand at your throat when you're beat. Knowing your opponent's got your whole life in his hand. It's primal, man."

"When he lingers, that's what he's doing to his victims," Rossi says to your team. "Proving his power over life and death."

"What's Animal's real name?"

"There are no names here. Just nicknames. Like me. I'm Beanie."

"Anything else you know about Animal?"

"Nothing. That's the way it works down here. We don't talk about it."

"What about a description?"

"Scrawny, white trash who thought he's a whole lot tougher than he is."

"Get him set up with a sketch artist," Derek says to Evans who escorts him out. "There's not a whole lot of choices left to do here. Based on his escalating timeline, this guy's about to strike again soon. I think there's really only one thing we can do."

Derek's bright idea is to call a press conference so that Hotch is ahead of this before the unsub can strike. The more people know about this, the more people will be on the lookout. Spencer is the only person who hung back,s o while Hotch is giving the press conference, the rest of the team heads back to the police department.

"Earlier today, the Phoenix police announced the suspect responsible for the deaths of five Phoenix officers had been caught. That is not the case. The killer is still at large. There have been quite a few mistakes made over the course of this case that could have been avoided. As a result of this, the FBI is officially taking charge of the investigation. We have established a tip line, and a sketch of the subject is being released to the press. We encourage anyone with any information about the shooter to contact us immediately."

Since you have a pretty good idea of who this man is, you have a working profile you know will help get him caught. Evans and Commander Marks gather everyone so they can hear what your team has to say.

"The man we're looking for is a narcissist desperate to prove his masculinity. He does this by going after high-risk targets like gang members and police officers. Because he's a narcissist, this unsub will be following the investigation closely."

"By pretending to take over the investigation, we've put ourselves above the local police, thus suggesting that we're tougher to take out. This issues the unsub a challenge that he won't be able to ignore.

"And painting a target directly on agent Hotchner's back," Rossi comments.

"All the attacks, with the exception of the last one, have taken place in the Twelve's territory. This is the unsub's hunting ground and he's unlikely to stray from it. Locations have multiple vanish points for the shooter, but limited access and exit routes for his victims. We'll be looking for a similar situation. This should happen very quickly."

"Don't forget," Rossi adds, "this guy managed to take out five cops by himself. He's smart and fearless. He won't be easy to take down."

"I got someone on the tip line," Jordan interrupts. "He says he knows where the unsub lives, and it fits the criteria."

She hands over a piece of paper of what the street and area look like, and Spencer takes it to compare it to the map.

"2717 Gelson Avenue. It's in the Twelve's territory, just off the main street. It looks like there's a series of smaller feeders and allies nearby. This could be it."

"Let's go," Evans says eagerly.

"Slow down, Lieutenant. He'll be expecting us--all of us. This is his last stand. He's going to want to make it count. What do you know about the area?" Hotch asks.

"It's rough with lots of dead-end streets and allies. There's a gas station a couple of blocks down, but that's about it."

Spencer gets Penelope on the phone and places her on speakerphone.

"Hey, Garcia? Can you get us a satellite image of 15th Avenue and Gelson?"

"Of course. Real-time satellite image shows not a whole heck of a lot. I've got a two-story apartment building with no activity of any kind and no cars out in front. Oh, there's a car down the street, but no heat registering so the engine must be cool. Satellite monitoring the last twelve hours is like library quiet. A truck and two cars left in the morning but nothing came in."

"Thank you, Garcia." Spencer moves the picture of the street Jordan brought in so everyone can see it on the table. "There's a major street in front on the east side, an ally, and two smaller streets to the north and south right here."

"Lieutenant, Commander, I need a sniper here and here," Hotch points. "Once they're set, the bulk of the squad cars can approach from the south, and the rest of us from the east very quietly. From this point forward, everybody goes in on foot. Y/N, you and I go in first. Rossi, Morgan, and Prentiss are behind us. Jordan, you and Reid stay here and work the tip line."

"Stay safe, my loves," Penelope says.

You're only with Hotch because you'd be able to feel where the unsub is if he's even here at all. Derek is the more viable choice to be with Hotch since they're both bulky and strong men, but you have what most don't.

However, even before entering, you didn't feel anyone inside much less the unsub. He's not here and an extensive search proves that. The Commander and Evans are disappointed, but you knew you'd get some false alarms. Still, this seems to be a good place to keep watch, so Commander Marks will have to put his guys on shifts watching the place in case Animal comes back to it.

You head back to the police station to come up with another plan, and you stretch as soon as you get out of the back seat. Hotch gets out of the driver's side just as the rest of the team heads for the front door. You look in the window of the car, and that's when every hair on the back of your neck stands up.

He's here. You can feel him. Hotch is the one who gave the press conference, and now Animal is going after Hotch.

"Hotch, he's here," you whisper so only he can hear you. "He's right behind us."

"Keep walking."

You and Hotch walk past the cars in the parking lot without looking back. Animal is following behind so he can get BHotch and escape, but you're not going to let it happen. There is a big van that you're passing by, but you use it as a diversion. As soon as you disappear behind it, you and Hotch quickly turn around. Animal looks on the other side but is confused when he doesn't see you and Hotch.

He turns to leave but you and Hotch are standing in his way. He goes to shoot, but Derek slams him into the car to prevent that. Since the real unsub is caught, Playboy can be let go. He's been innocent in this case all along, but you know it won't be the last time he's ever in this police department.

A press conference is called to announce the killer has been caught, so everyone is gathered outside to record it or watch it. Playboy stuck around for reasons you wish weren't. Animal is in handcuffs and is being transported from the police department to a prison, but Playboy has other plans.

It was his intention to make Animal pay for what he did to Bobby Q, and he shot him in front of everything. One shot to the chest and Animal died because of it. Playboy will be going to jail, but you know he doesn't care.

All you can think about is going home and relaxing in your bathtub with the nice bath salts Penelope got you. You and Spencer are at the plane again by yourselves as you two wait for everyone to get there. With the case out of your mind, you're forced to think about what happened with your parents.

"You've been quiet all morning. Is everything okay?" Spencer asks you.

"I'm really sorry, Spencer," you sigh shakily.

"For what?"

"For the way my dad is treating you. You don't deserve it. I should have never suggested this lunch in the first place. All I do is try to make him see what a wonderful guy you are, but he refuses to listen. I feel like such a shitty girlfriend for allowing this. I should be able to control my dad a little bit."

"No, don't feel that way. You're not a bad girlfriend, and you don't have to apologize."

"He's always acted this way with my other boyfriends but never to this extent. My mom wasn't much help either."

"Hasn't that always struck you as weird?"

"He's just being protective."

"I worry about you."

"I know you do, but there's no need to be. There's nothing going on with my parents. They're just old school."

You've been telling yourself that ever since you were a child, and you're going to continue telling yourself that. You've had a lot of problems in your life, but you're not going to make your parents one of them.

"...for he today who sheds his blood with me shall be my brother." - William Shakespeare

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