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familyagrestefanblog · 3 years

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Ml Meta analysis: Adriens current absents, season 4 structure and theory on whats to come

Here I am back again with my endless rambling.

I'm just as worried for our cat son as everyone else (maybe even more) which is why I tried figuring out for my own sanity why he is so absent currently.

Upfront I wanna warn yall that I wrote this post in one rush this night and therefore had no time to do alot of editing. So things can probably get a bit more messy than usual but I tried to write it clearly, while writing 2 other ml essays as well. This is the one drawback of having so many episodes in such a short time, I have no time to write my posts x3 I had another theory planned for before Optigami airs but I don't think I can manage before tomorrow.

But let's not waste any more time. Grab a snack and here we go:

It's 2am right now but I think I just realized why Adrien/Chat Noir is being sidelined so much recently.

Sure, yes, it'll come into play in the very obviously set up Ladynoir drama later on but what I wanna talk about now is more the structure of how s4 is most likely written in terms of both Marinettes and Adriens side of the story. And then deep dive a little on why I think so.

You see season 4 is now reaping what has been built up from s1-s3, but this also includes that you have to take the time now to properly recreate the new possibilities out of the loose pieces of the broken status quo.

Seriously, season 4 has to handle and reinvent ALOT. The show got now officially announced to have 7 seasons, which is exactly the amount of seasons Astruc said they have story for. I couldnt find the official tweet from Thomas himself but I one from another source:

And now look take a look at the possible shows structure:

- s1-s3 was the first status quo and built up everything so now they can pay off after pay off while...

-... S4 is now the transitional season where the old status quo gets left behind as we work towards the new one.

-I have nothing to proof this of course, but in the same sense it would now make sense that s5-s7 where/are planned to play out under the final status quo. If I'm not wrong at first the show was under contract for 5 seasons, which would mean that after the transitional season 4 there was only 1 season of the final status quo for sure. Still, done right it could have been worth the wait. But this isn't where Miraculous will end. The show actually got the 7 seasons the creator wanted and THIS is how I think the long term plan makes the most sense. Nothing all too complicated but still hella effective in its execution.

But now back to our two main characters, because Marinettes and Adriens development are the two aspects that will raise the show to the intense heights of the s5-s7 status quo.

From s1-s3 Marinette was the active player but she was hardly involved with the actual PLOT of the show, since most of the plot and backstory of the show lies directly with the Agreste family. She only started to get her own plot when she literally created a new one by getting involved with the miraculous lore, because the closest Marinette got to the Agreste plot was "The collector".

Adrien in the other hand was always literally right in the middle of the plot but he wasn't enough of an active player to bring us further either.

Season 4 is now going to add the missing parts for both of them and as the very beginning of the season showed us: there are going to do it SEPERATLY.

This is why "Truth" and "Lies" have been structured the way they are (One Marinette-centric the other Adrien-centric). Yes, Marinette and Adrien are meant to end their story victoriously together, but they are simply not the people they have to be to become such a powerful team. Certain aspects of their journey they have to do... basically disconnected from the other one. The "Miracle Queen" endcard shows it quite nicely as well where they are heading now: away from each other.

Obviously the season started with Marinette growing into her new guardian status including everything miraculous related, since she is the main lead and because the new ways the episodes can now utilize everything Miraculous need to be established first before we deep dive into the messed up Agreste mystery.

So while I totally agree that it is annoying to get so little Adrien/Chat Noir content currently I also understand the practicality behind it. As I said, before s4 Marinette was the active main character who mostly didn't really have her own plot. So now adding her plot aspect and have her ACTIVELY figure everything needed out means that right now Marinette/Ladybug is the active focus main character who is solving a huge part of her s4 character arc. That simply drowns out Adrien as the currently still mostly-inactive secondary main character who, yes, may be right in the middle of the shows emotional + villain plot/lore/backstory, but that side of the story simply isn't in focus at the moment.

And I gotta say, I'm kinda glad they're doing it this way. Because I'm gonna be honest, when the season starts giving us Adrien/family Agreste episodes like "Lies" and "The collector" (in this case "Gabriel Agreste" for example) again, I don't want the narrative to be forced to spend time with something guardian lore based just because they didn't took their time to do it earlier.

So, as we see on the s4 episode raster "Gabriel Agreste" is episode 9. Honestly, I expect most of it (especially the ones near the beginning, so ep. 5 included) til that episode to be Marinette based the way everything else til now did (besides Lies obviously and Guilt trip didn't hardcore focus on Marinette/Ladybug either and that's because it's after "Gabriel Agreste") in the spirit of "Truth". It's just the needed set up from Marinettes side of the story and I can live with that.

Because we actually saw the change after "Gabriel Agreste" already in "Guilt trip".

I don't know why some people pretend like Chat almost cataclysming himself after hearing how guilt-eaten Nino is for Adriens sake isn't a huge indicator that the episodes afterwards will not only acknowledge but also DEAL with Adriens/Chats situation and problems. Remember, we are talking about CHAT NOIR here not Adrien Agreste. The show has always portrayed and acknowledged ADRIENS issues very straight forward and with the proper seriousness (especially when it comes to his family), whereas Chat Noir was often mostly used for comedic purposes with some exceptions of his problems being properly delt with (since Marinette/Ladybug was mostly oblivious to them, since Adrien keeps them hidden so well). But now in "Guilt trip" LADYBUG was confronted head-on with just how much negativity Chat has inside and how quickly and extremely he drowns in it.

Sure, correct, the episode also has his negativity "washed away" rather quickly by Ladybug opening up to him on how important he is to her

But this is in character for both of them as "Lies" very clearly showed us that the way BOTH OF THEM behave here is where the problem lies. There Ladybug was freaked out after Chat threw his life away once again but quickly accepted Chats very direct avoidance of the confrontation, since he seemed to be alright to her.

Something I also find noteworthy here is that Ladybugs dialog is "Seriously, you need to stop doing this to me!", which is.... a VERY Marinette-centric way of acknowledging the problem.

It completely shifts the issue away from Adriens extremely alarming self-harmful/suicidal tendencies and instead only calls out how it affects Marinette (whose feelings here are definitely valid, don't get me wrong!). It showcases perfectly how unaware Marinette still is of her partners inner tumult at that point and also parallels how Marinette called Adriens life "perfect" at the beginning of the episode (This is no shade towards Marinette, in general the entirety of "Lies" is about showing us just how harmful Adriens Chat Noir persona actually IS to him so these two moments of her being oblivious to Adriens and Chats immense problems very much fits into that episodes narrative and sets up what's about to come. I still have an entire essay in the making for "Lies" but, guys, it's just getting longer and longer. I suck xD).

So the fact that an episode after "Gabriel Agreste" brings this scenario back, just a little different but ALOT more revealing of Adriens immense problems to his partner, is VERY telling. Besides other things it tells us that this happens at the beginning of the arc that deals with (at least) Chats issues since Ladybug is still way too quickly too ready to accept her partner as "completely fine" again just because Chat makes it seem that way (while some negativity increasing guilt bubbles still to stick to him.).

And yet, others have already pointed it out that Ladybug IS noticing what Chat wanted to do and reacted accordingly...

she just didn't speak of it the way it is because it overwhelmed her, which calls back to Ladybugs "You have to stop doing this to me!" dialog.( For a great breakdown of her dialog HERE is a link to @flightfoot post)

In "Lies" Marinette was way too stressed by her new guardian role to even consider Chats side of it and therefore only spoke of her own, but in "Guilt trip" she's already past that stressful arc. So here she is immediately able to recognize Chats suicidal action for what it is, come to his (much needed) aid and lift her partners spirit the best she can by emotionally opening up to him (which is something we KNOW is incredibly hart for Marinette).

The difference between her reaction in "Lies" and in "Guilt trip" shows that Marinette has her guardian role already mostly handled and is now mentally able to be there for others again, so the extremely Marinette-centric "Truth"-like episodes are mostly passed. Now the episodes can bring Adrien/Chat Noir more into the game again and even shift to "Lies" - like episodes because MARINETTE can pay more attention to him again and isn't faced with something new, important and overwhelming Miraculous related every step she takes.

And THAT is extremely fair from a narrative standpoint.

---

I really need to stop elaborating so much on these posts because I'm only NOW actually getting to the point of where Adriens journey will disconnect for a while from Ladybugs. Sorry guys.

Okay, to understand where I'm going with this I will have to quickly explain how I always saw Chat Noirs place in the Ladybug+Chat Noir vs Hawkmoth war ever since s1.

Because here is the thing: Adrien wasn't able to truly leave the battle field ONCE since the origins. Marinette was completely out of Hawkmoths and Gabriels reach once she detransformed, which balances out her basically being the personification of the good sides force. And Gabriel literally decided whenever or not the battle is even ACTIVE right now! Besides that he is in complete control of his own actions and environment, which gives him all the necessary time, safety and downtime he needs to act as the personification of the evil sides force.

Marinette and Gabriel always knew when they were safe and off the battle field, but ADRIEN never had that and it left him LITERALLY right in the middle of both Ladybugs and Hawkmoths sides.

You see, because before Adrien became Chat Noir he basically was part of Hawkmoths side just by default. He was born into this family, that's his father and lost mother and everything he knows. Adrien didn't/doesn't even have to KNOW that he is part of Hawkmoths side, he's his son at some level he just IS! And I'm not saying this as anything negative, Adrien coming from Hawkmoths side is literally the reason why he became Chat Noir!

Because whereas Gabriel is having the time of his damn life as evil terrorist, created out of tragic and sinister circumstances, ADRIEN on the other hand couldn't handle his families environment and very same circumstances anymore and accepted the role as Paris' hero to escape his heritage for a while.

Keywords being: a WHILE.

Something unique about Adrien I always loved is the fact that he is the villains abused, isolated and overworked SON, who becomes a hero to escape his depressing life and YET it was never Adriens intention to LEAVE IT. Adrien merely wanted to use his time as Chat Noir to let of some steam and breath freely while doing some hero work so he can go back into his civilian life and try to one day successfully ment his broken family. He couldn't handle the current situation anymore but he still always saw worth in his family/father. I have SO MUCH respect for that!

But him not intending to leave his family and instead regaining strength as Chat Noir to continue to hold onto it came with the downside of him not being able to fully become part of the good sides people/force either. Hence why Adriens/Chats place always felt so lost in comparison to Ladybugs and Hawkmoths clear positions. He's caught in between their extremes trying to balance out BOTH at the same time. What an impossible task!

So he couldn't put in the same focus as Ladybug into being the good sides force because he is literally burned out from his civilian life on Hawkmoths evil side. But he also couldn't be involved as an ACTIVE member of his fathers evil force, because he chose to find refuge in his friends and as a hero on Ladybugs side.

Adrien unknowingly is part of BOTH the shows two extreme moral sides of good and evil and this season we will see Adrien/Chat Noir grow into his own within BOTH sides as well.

Because he simply couldn't have done so right away in s1. Now after 3 seasons Chat Noir is more than solidly established as one of Paris Heros and his time with Ladybug, the other heros and his normal friends helped him greatly to find his place on the good side. "Lies" set this up as Chat Noirs arcs starting point that now he has to stop connecting "being heroic" strictly with following Ladybug (as Marinette is the STAND IN personification for the good side, she's still a flawed human being like everyone else and not the ultimate force of perfect and good. Big difference.) just as he has to start looking past his fathers sympathetic moments/qualities to see that Hawkmoth isn't a 100%, inhumane monster just because he is the stand-in personification of evil in their fight, but the man he calls Father and still needs to be taken down. (I talked about this in more detail on THIS post)

Adrien has to seperat himself from Ladybugs path and focus on his family and I believe it'll start with the much dreaded (but expected) Ladynoir fight.

Funnily enough, what I'm talking about was actually already set up in "Frozer" I just didn't remember that for a bit. In "Frozer" we saw Ladynoir having a fight which caused Chat Noir to go his own way in the episodes battle.

I always found it interesting that the episode didn't had Chats decision, to not follow Ladybugs lead here, turn out to be a huge mistake. Almost every other show would have done so but now I think I understand. This episode and s2 in general SET UP the s4 conflict, s3 LEAD UP to it and now s4 DELIVERS it.

So what happened in "Frozer" is a direct parallel to what about to go down:

Ladynoirs fight will cause Chat Noir to not simply follow Ladybugs side anymore the way he used to, but note, he DOESN'T leave the good side AND they make up again in the end after Chat saves Ladybug from the akuma. He just does things on his own because he isn't on great terms with her for a while. "Frozer" showed Chats decision to not only NOT be a mistake but also a necessary part of defeating the akuma, just the way it'll be in s4. Damn, Adrien breaking away from Ladybugs side, the way she (unintentionally tho) did at the beginning of the season, to focus more on himself and his family will be the game changing factor, when Adrien will have his completing arc where he goes from "not active character within the villain/backstory plot" to "ACTIVE character within the villain/backstory plot".

And we already saw with Marinette how many fast breakthroughs we get through these completing arcs. Which is also a reason for why Adriens/ Chats arc comes later in the season, because BUDDY. Once Adrien starts to actively uncover his families mystery and fathers secrets Gabriel is SCREWED! Adrien will gain the needed inside knowledge that complements Marinettes Miraculous power; and reunited they can take on whatever the hell kind of scale the Agrestes plan actually is.

So how to end this post? My biggest intention was to raise hope for everybody (myself included lol) who is right now very concerned and upset about how side-lined our boy is at the moment. But I prefer doing so in a way that actually works with canons context instead of sugarcoating what I don't like. And Adriens/Chats current position I definitely do NOT like but accepting it as realistic outcome from s1-s3 and set up for the escalation for both Ladynoir and his home situation gives it the proper purpose and pay off (narrative and character wise) that it SHOULD have.

Basically, the endcards of "Truth" and "Lies" show it perfectly.

It looks like ShadowMoth is turning a blind eye towards Adrien/Chat Noir because of Ladybugs new guardian status and "greater importance". But Gabriels tunnel vision on Ladybug will leave him vulnerable to his own sons secret actions against him and Gabriel won't see it coming until its already too late.

#Miraculous #Miraculous ladybug #ml theory #ml analysis #ml season 4 #ml show structure #Adrien Agreste #marinette dupain chang #Gabriel Agreste #Chat Noir #Ladybug #Hawkmoth #ml forshadowing

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lesbian-kyoru · 3 years

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I know it's very immature but tbh when Tohru's most important person changed from Kyoko to Kyo to the point she even didn't notice she dropped the wallet with her mother's photo inside, it felt to me like you can't really trust people when they say they love you the most because it's gonna change anways and someone else will replace you

i understand what you’re saying for sure, and i’m sorry that that plot point made you feel that way :(( i actually think that’s kind of a fear that tohru deals with as well throughout her arc. if she loves kyo and “chooses” him over the memory of her mother, then she is replacing her mother. she struggles with a lot of guilt and feels like it makes her an awful person.

while it’s not addressed quite as explicitly in the text, i think a lot of her guilt over replacing her mother is almost a redirection of her own abandonment issues. if she can “replace” her mother with loving someone else, then there’s nothing stopping others from replacing and abandoning her. but tohru represses her feelings so deeply that, rather than confronting that fear of being left behind or replaced, she only knows how to feel it through redirecting it into judging her own actions.

however, the scene in kyoto with the dropped wallet is actually one of my favorites and so incredibly pivotal to tohru’s arc, so i’m glad you brought it up! that’s one of the first scenes where tohru, in her own repressed way, starts to realize that oh. she might have some feelings for kyo. and with that, the central conflict which drives act III is prominently introduced for the first time: tohru falling in love with kyo and letting go of her mother.

the detail of the dropped wallet representing kyoko is a bit more subtle, but i think it speaks volumes that tohru drops her wallet and doesn’t notice because she’s so preoccupied with her feelings for kyo. i think this is something that tohru demonizes herself for in the moment—not keeping her priorities straight, betraying her mother, etc.—but it’s actually a positive sign of growth for her. tohru is chained to her past, and i think there’s something profound about the school trip—where she is living so fully in the present, and is so consumed with how she feels about kyo (whether it’s happy, sad, or any other emotion), that she isn’t quite so weighed down by clinging to her mother’s memory and therefore never forming new important bonds in the present.

i think, as a whole, the central conflict of kyo becoming tohru’s most important person is never meant to mean that she loves her mother any less, or that she didn’t actually love her or that being abandoned by people who love you is inevitable. rather, i think it’s supposed to portray someone’s very messy and long process of grieving, overcoming grief, and moving forward with her life in a healthier way. i also don’t think it’s supposed to in any way diminish the love that tohru had for her mother, which will always be important and special to her. but just as there’s the central theme of the zodiacs breaking the bonds have the curse which have grown toxic and harmful—tohru breaks a bond, her once pure and unchanging love for her mother, that has also become toxic and harmful because it has kept tohru living in permanent, stagnant grief.

in allowing herself to fall in love with kyo, tohru is empowered in her battle with grief. she lets herself choose to be selfish, choose to put her own happiness first, choose to accept new love in her life. letting go of someone you love is a painful process, and it brings up a lot of complicated, ugly emotions. but it was absolutely necessary for tohru to work through that to reach a better place in her life moving forward. the school trip is one of the first small steps in that journey for tohru, and it’s why it’s remained one of my favorite scenes.

#kyoru #fruits basket #tohru honda #kyo sohma #kyoko honda #furuba #fruits basket meta #fruits basket manga #fruits basket reboot #fruits basket spoilers #long post #ask #anon #hope y’all enjoyed this!!! i haven’t wrote meta in awhile but it’s so fun so im hoping to get more into the swing of it!!#the rambling of it all #zoe.txt

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thedreamermusing · 3 years

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Debunking the myth that Severus Snape is an incel

So, I've seen this go around a lot in the HP fandom, but unlike a lot of other exaggerated statements, this one...doesn't seem to be based on any real truth or fact.

Let's look at the definition of an incel from Wikipedia.

Incels, a portmanteau of "involuntary celibates", are members of an online subculture who define themselves as unable to find a romantic or sexual partner despite desiring one. Discussions in incel forums are often characterized by resentment, misogyny, misanthropy, self-pity and self-loathing, racism, a sense of entitlement to sex, and the endorsement of violence against sexually active people.

Alright, so which part of this definition does Snape fit? Does he define himself as being unable to find a romantic or sexual partner? Nope. He doesn't seem to want or even wish for companionship. Is he characterised by resentment? Yes, but not because he can't get laid. Is he a misogynist? Certainly not, he treats people of all genders equally badly. Misanthropy, self-loathing? Yes, but none of these issues is related to his inability to have sex. Racism? Given that he joined the Death Eaters, yes. But once again, his views on blood purity were independent of Lily, the seeds of it were there as a child. A sense of entitlement to sex, and the endorsement of violence against sexually active people? This is a confident and definitive no.

The parts of Snape that do correlate with the incel movement: resentment, self-loathing, misanthropy, are missing the core tenet of the incel movement: misogyny. Snape's resentment is not from the fact that he's unable to get laid. He does not blame women for not giving him sex. His resentment of James Potter was not solely due to Lily, either, although that was a factor. It was also based on the fact that James Potter had what Snape at that point lacked, which Harry pinpoints so accurately in 'The Prince's Tale: 'an air of being cared for and even adored'. James also had power and privilege, and regularly used it to abuse Snape, and of course, a young, poverty-stricken, ugly, half-blood child would feel resentful of that. So, his resentment was not based around any misogynistic idea that James could 'score' women while Snape could not.

Snape was self-loathing, but not because he could not get laid. It's actually the opposite. The first time he exhibits traits of self-loathing are after Lily dies when he says 'I wish I were dead.' He hates himself for being responsible for getting her killed. If he was an incel, he would actually celebrate her death, thinking it was the price she paid for not choosing him. But Snape's self-loathing comes from being unable to protect her.

Misanthropy: I mean....this is self-explanatory. He's a misanthrope because he doesn't like anybody, period. It's got nothing to do with sexual conquest.

Now that I've (hopefully) established why Snape does not share any notable traits related to the incel movement, let me try to debunk some often repeated 'truths' in the fandom that people repeat to play into the idea that he was an incel.

1) Snape couldn't handle Lily rejecting him, so he joined the Death Eaters.

People always say this as if Snape wore a fedora and asked Lily on a date, and when she rejected him, decided that all muggleborns were bad and joined the Death Eaters...when that's not what happened at all.

First of all, the timeline here is wrong. Snape's fascination for the Death Eaters was independent of Lily. We already know he was likely abused by his Muggle father. We know that he loved dark magic. We also know that Slytherin is a breeding ground for blood purist views. And so, Snape was groomed into this movement; he certainly did not join the Death Eaters in reaction to Lily 'rejecting' him.

This brings us to the other point. Lily did not 'reject' Snape because Snape never told her how he felt. We don't know if Lily even knew how he felt. Lily rejected his friendship because he was on the path to becoming a Death Eater.

2) Snape stalked Lily and harassed her all the time.

Once again, false. Snape left her alone after Lily rejected his apology. He never tried to speak to her again or bothered her again. I'm certain Sirius Black would have brought it up if that were the case. But the fact that neither Remus nor Sirius even remembers that Snape and Lily were even friends suggests that they went their separate paths.

3) Snape offered James and Harry to Voldemort hoping that he could get with Lily after her death.

There are several misconceptions here.

Snape did not offer James and Harry to Voldemort in exchange for Lily. He simply did not care if James or Harry's lives. That is of course terrible in its own way. But there is a definite difference between the two. Voldemort would have gone after the Potters either way. There was no deal made between Voldemort and Snape where Snape said 'I'll give you James and Harry if you let Lily live.' What happened was Voldemort was already set on killing the Potters, and Snape made a desperate request to protect Lily. His situation was a) Let the Potters all die and b) Let only James and Harry die and Lily survive. There were no other options. He wanted to save her life and let her live. It wasn't out of some hope that she would fall in love with him. She was the only person who had ever cared about him and he just did not want her to die because of his actions, nothing else.

I know Dumbledore says 'in exchange for the mother' in the hilltop scene but people are forgetting that scene is one of powerplay and negotiation between Dumbledore and Snape. Snape is a terrified Death Eater fully expecting Dumbledore to murder him. Dumbledore holds the upper hand in that interaction. It is in Snape's best interests not to defend himself and simply accept the judgement Dumbledore gives him. Dumbledore, meanwhile, is trying to make Snape as ashamed as possible to get him on his side and deliberately uses phrasing to guilt him.

4) Snape bullied Harry because he didn't get the girl.

Snape's feelings towards Harry are complicated and are wrapped up in all sorts of messy emotions including hatred, resentment, guilt, anguish, and trauma. But the foremost emotions in his hatred for Harry have to do with James. Harry is a carbon copy of James, who was his primary bully in school. We have seen how bad James was to him in SWM. It is irrational of course, but a lot of his hatred for Harry has to do with looking exactly like his bully. A lot of his feelings are also guilt because Harry is proof of Snape's own failings, of not being able to save Lily. Part of it is also resentment because protecting Harry is quite possibly the own reason Snape is still alive. He wasn't able to protect Lily and to atone, he has to protect her son. He is resentful of the fact that he has to protect his bully's son, resentful that his life has become stagnated because of this child, and of course resentful that Harry constantly gets into a lot of trouble at Hogwarts, which solidifies his image in Snape's head as 'James-lite' while also making his job of protecting him harder. So his feelings towards Harry are projection of his failings and trauma and not an inability to get the girl.

Tl;dr: Snape lacks the core tenets of incel ideology i.e misogyny and an obsession with not getting sex. The incel ideology is a violent hate movement built upon hatred towards women. Snape has never once shown any inclination to be misogynistic. He never blamed Lily for the end of their friendship; rather, he understands that it was his mistakes and choices that led their friendship to end. Just because Snape is an ugly man who loved someone one-sidedly does not mean he was automatically a violent misogynist who hated all women. 'Snape is a bully' is a fact because it is canonically supported by the text. 'Snape is an incel' is not a fact; it is a lie.

#severus snape #pro snape #harry potter #lbr i don't think it's a valid headcanon either because headcanons also have to have some basis in canon #I can't believe I need to make such a longass post about something so obvious

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shepherds-of-haven · 3 years

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Due to complicated reasons, all of the ROs have to share a bed with one other RO. Who pairs up? Which pairs actually get to sleep, which pairs stay up chatting, and which pairs kill eachother by midnight?

Ooooh, this is a great question!!!

Blade:

Best matchups - Blade + Trouble, Blade + Briony, Blade + Tallys

Blade and Trouble have had to bunk in the same room plenty of times on past missions, even before they created the Shepherds. They have reluctantly tried sharing the same bed before, but it always ends in a fight because Trouble thrashes in his sleep and/or kicks Blade and the blankets off the bed, leading to arguing and sometimes physical brawls. As such, they now have a system where they play rock-paper-scissors to determine who gets the bed and who gets the floor. If Blade has been in a good mood he sometimes deliberately lets Trouble win so he can be kind without letting anyone know he possesses the capacity for kindness. If Trouble has been a pain in the ass sometimes he makes them play for the only blanket (and wins) out of spite. But they've done it enough times that there's less conflict than there would be with other people!

Briony's utter lack of embarrassment and cheerful ability to not bat an eye at certain situations would put Blade enough at ease that they could share a room in relative peace. It's EXTREMELY unlikely that they would sleep in the same bed--he would sleep on the floor for propriety's sake--unless Briony forcefully manhandled him, but she wouldn't do that for the sake of his own comfort. The only thing would be that Briony would keep Blade up by popping her head over the edge of the bed and inquiring after his comfort and asking if he's asleep, so they would end up chatting a bit too much while Blade's like "please go to sleep now". The first few times they'd probably end up talking far into the night, but if it was a regular thing, eventually they would just sort of fall into a rhythm where they just went straight to sleep!

Blade and Tallys would remain very professional and would hardly speak to each other at all. He'd take the floor without asking, she'd take the bed without arguing, and then they would just go to sleep in silence. All very peaceful and matter-of-fact!

Worst matchups - Blade + Red

This would just be really, really awkward.

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Trouble:

Best matchups - Trouble + Blade, Trouble + Red, Trouble + Chase

Trouble gets along with pretty much any other guy enough that it wouldn't be super explosive to share a room for the night. He'd probably complain about Red being so tall and he'd probably stay up all night either out on the town or cooking up pranks with Chase, but otherwise it's fairly smooth sailing!

Worst matchups - Trouble + Ayla, Trouble + Lavinet, Trouble + Riel

Just a recipe for disaster. Trouble and Ayla fight like cats and dogs and a night together would probably earn a split lip for one or both of them. Lavinet would just get annoyed by Trouble being all up in her space, and vice-versa. Trouble's careless messiness would drive Riel crazy, and Riel's cool assumption that he would be taking the bed (among other things) would make Trouble call him a snob.

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Tallys:

Best matchups - Tallys + Blade, Tallys + Lavinet (if friends), Tallys + Shery, Tallys + Halek

If Tallys and Lavinet have gotten over their differences and are friends, they'd get along well in a sharing the bed scenario. If not, this is actually the worst-case scenario. Tallys and Shery would also have no problem: Shery would be a bit shy about it at first, but they're good enough friends and trust each other enough that it'd be very peaceful! They wouldn't stay up talking, but they'd be mostly comfortable and calm! Tallys and Halek would also be very chill!

Worst matchups - Tallys + Lavinet (if enemies), Tallys + Chase

Aside from Lavinet, Tallys gets along fairly well (or well enough) or is professional towards pretty much everyone in the Shepherds, so spending the night in the same hotel room or whichever it is would go pretty smoothly in almost all scenarios. The only weird atmosphere would be with Chase. They're sort of wary of each other and don't interact much, and each would be like, 'hm is he/she going to make a pass at me tonight or what, or like what's going on'?? Chase's cracking of jokes wouldn't crack Tallys' immovable exterior, so it would just be stilted and awkward. Not hostile, they're just not used to being alone in the same room together!

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Shery:

Best matchups - Shery + Tallys, Shery + Lavinet, Shery + Briony

Shery would be pretty much fine being paired up with any of the girls. It'd be like a sleepover! She and Briony could giggle into their pillows and gossip and make tea; she and Lavinet could trade beauty tips or braid each other's hair. She'd be a bit shy at sharing the same bed at first, but any of the others would be so casual about it that she'd just get over the awkwardness and just do it! She might even have a fun time!

Worst matchups - Shery + Blade, Shery + Chase, Shery + Trouble

They're not going to fight, or anything, but none of these boys knows how to deal with Shery's flustered nature or make her feel at ease... Blade's silences would make her fret and overthink every little thing, Trouble's cluelessness and bluntness does not mix well with Shery's sensitive feelings, and Chase just flat-out does not know how to deal with someone so shy. She'd probably sleep in the bathtub and the boys would feel weird about it but wouldn't know how to force her to not... do that and they would all feel guilty and it would be weird!!

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Riel:

Riel is not built to share a room--let alone a bed--with anybody. He like can BARELY manage it with a romantic partner at first. In what scenario would he have to share a room when he could just rent a second one for himself, hmm?? If it's for a mission, he'll do it, but he will not sleep and will literally stay up all night confined to a desk rather than sharing the SHOCKING intimacy of actually sleeping in the same bed--on the same sheets! where they leave hairs!!--as one of his coworkers!!

Tolerable: Riel + Red, Riel + Tallys, Riel + Shery, Riel + Blade, Riel + Halek

Those five know to keep quiet and respect Riel's space. He can manage, but they'll have to be comfortable with the sounds of him up all night, scribbling away at the desk!

Absolutely not: Riel + Trouble, Riel + Ayla, Riel + Briony, Riel + Chase

Trouble = too volatile and messy. Ayla = 2x Trouble. Briony = too talkative, she'll drive him up the wall. Chase = lol just stick some dynamite in a room with a lit candle and see what happens

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Chase:

Best matchups: Chase + Trouble, Chase + Red, Chase + Briony

He gets along with them, they're pals! They could even be talked into ditching the room and just going out and having a fun time because they're extremely influenceable or corruptible. Compatible match either way, they have a fun time or just stay up chatting the night away! There may even be platonic sleep cuddles! However, Briony's a double-edged sword, because if it gets to a point where she wants to have a deeper conversation with Chase about his past or whatever and he does his whole "deflect it with a casual joke" thing, after long enough her feelings will get hurt and she'll start to cry, and it all goes downhill from there...

Worst matchups: Chase + Riel, Chase + Lavinet, Chase + Tallys

We've already covered Tallys and Riel with Chase above, but Lavinet and him would not be good "bed-partners" because she's been taught all her life not to let a scoundrel and a rake like him into her bed, she's heard the stories, she knows what happens!!! Keep away from her you slut!! So he'd definitely be banished to the floor or even the bathtub, lol.

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Red:

Best matchups: pretty much anybody

He gets along with pretty much anybody (except Blade). He can adapt to pretty much anyone's quirks and habits with infinite patience and doesn't ask for much: he can sleep on the bed or on the floor, whatever you want! He's very accommodating and not easily made nervous, so he's pretty much good to go on all fronts!

Worst matchup: Red + Blade

He can't sleep when the other person in the room is radiating H A T R E D

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Ayla:

Best matchups: Ayla + Lavinet, Ayla + Tallys, "Ayla + Trouble"

These pretty much speak for themselves; they're friends, so they get along fine and have no issue sharing a bed with each other. Ayla and Tallys, notably, have an unseemly awkward moment where Ayla is just like "hey so uh I'm flattered if you want sex, but I don't like you like that..." because she assumes that Tallys wanting to share a room with anyone means she also wants "that". It's AWKWARD but they get past it and laugh it off pretty fast. Ayla THINKS she'd be able to suffer through a night with Trouble because she views him as a brother and is very comfortable with him--enough that they could sprawl out snoring in the same bed and not have any weirdness about it--but she forgets how much they fight like siblings, too...

Worst matchups: Blade + Ayla, Riel + Ayla

Blade drives Ayla up the wall (you can see this in their most recent short story on Patreon) so this would probably not be a great night for either of them. Riel does NOT appreciate someone kicking his backpack aside even on accident, and Ayla does NOT appreciate being told to handle every little thing like glass and being bossed around, so this is a terrible combination and should be avoided at all costs!

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Briony:

Best matchups: pretty much anybody

Like Red, Briony gets along with everybody well enough that she could peacefully coexist with most of the other Shepherds and have a grand old time doing it! Some of them might get annoyed by her chattiness and rolling over suddenly and whispering, "Hey, what's this I hear about you going on a date with MC??", but she's having a grand old time!

Worst matchups: Riel + Briony, Tallys + Briony

There isn't hostility, but Riel makes his annoyance clear the third time Briony accidentally breaks or sits on one of his quills or slaps his back a little too hard, and Tallys radiates this energy that makes Briony desperate to prove she's cool. It's not like a horrible blowout fight, but it's just a bit of an awkward time!

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Lavinet:

Best matchups: Lavinet + Ayla, Lavinet + Briony, Lavinet + Shery

Although she only sees the male Shepherd ROs as friends, she's not totally comfortable sharing a room with them unless absolutely necessary. Therefore, she gets along with the female officers much better and can make anything work with them, including Tallys if she's a friend! Lavinet can be surprisingly tolerant and patient, especially if it's for work, so she's not going to be too dramatic or bossy unless someone is really violating her space, which none of the other women would do.

Worst matchups: Lavinet + Chase, Lavinet + Trouble

This has been pretty much been covered above!

#Shepherds of Haven #one bed #just one bed #romance options #long #long post #hypothetical scenario

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shy-peacock · 2 years

Note

SISU BABYSITTING FAILURES WHILE NAMAARI AND RAYA ARE OUT

Rated G (cept very mild hints of 'hanky panky' XD). Not sure if I wanna make this IN-canon for SKC universe, but meh...it's just a simple/cute idea XD. enjoy! <3

“Namaari-”

Oop-..that was her full name, coming from her wife at that. Raya rarely called her ‘Namaari’ anymore, not unless they were speaking on formal terms or accompanied with her nickname for her, ‘Maari’. But never just the standalone, ‘Namaari. Not unless she was being serious or, in this situation, about to scold her.

Namaari put down her phone, glancing across the table at her wife who was giving her a stern yet playful look.

“That’s the twelfth time you’ve checked your phone.” she remarked, “you don’t have to worry, they’ll be fine.”

“I know-..” Namaari sighed, “it’s just..”

She trailed off, unsure how to word it.

“You’re nervous?” Raya finished for her, somehow summing it up for her in a single word.

“Yeah..” Namaari sighed again, “I trust her, but-...our kids can be a handful and…well, so can she sometimes…”

Raya laughed at that, her hand coming across the table to take ahold of Namaari’s. Running her thumb affectionately across her skin, soothing her as best she could.

“It’s only for a few hours,” Raya reminded her, “she knows this is a big deal, that we trust her to keep them safe…asides that, we both know she’s plenty capable on her own, they’ll be fine.”

Namaari took a deep breath in, knowing Raya was speaking the truth. Right then, Atitaya and her girlfriend walked into the restaurant. Immediately spotting Raya and Namaari in the busy atmosphere, waving them down as they weaved through the crowd to join them on this double date night. Namaari put her phone away, a bit more relieved then after hearing Raya’s words. If Sisu had any issues, she had their number. Until then, she was going to enjoy this kid-free time catching up with her best friend.

~~~

“Where do babies come from?” Chau asked her, randomly, as he sat next to Sisu. His sister Linh was on the other side of her, equally curious as well. Both kids had an ice cream cone in their hand. Chau’s was strawberry, Linh’s was chocolate. Their hands were sticky and faces coated with the messy treat. Sisu in between them with a blue raspberry flavor, all of them swinging their legs as they sat. Chau’s hair had been spiked up by a generous amount of hair gel and Linh had hers in at least eight to nine different ponytails all around her head. Braided, tiny little sparkles of glitter in each braid.

“Dude, you’re six-” Sisu laughed, “your parents haven’t told you?”

“Kinda..” he sighed, “they said a baby grows inside your belly when two parents love each other a lot-”

“Sounds legit-”

“Yeah but-...where’s my baby?” Chau asked then, “I love my Mommys very much and I love my sissy, Linh and I love my Grandpa and Grandma and I love you and I love-”

“Sorry dude, only girls can have babies.” Sisu replied with a shrug.

Chau furrowed his eyebrows, glancing over to Linh.

“Then where's Linh’s baby?”

“I don’t want a baby!” Linh whined.

“Don’t worry about that Linh!” Sisu chirped, “you have to be an adult to have a baby and-..lots of love yes, but it’s a bit more complicated..you have a few other steps to take care of before a baby just grows inside your belly!”. She took a large bite of her ice cream, immediately regretting it as pain flared through her noggin. A brain freeze she just continued to get considering she liked to take big bites of her treat and not a normal lick or two like the kids who were eating next to her. “Alright-..next question!” she announced, “y’all can ask your Moms the more descriptive hanky panky that goes down to get a baby.”

It was Linh’s turn, so she asked, “what’s a hanky panky?”

“Something fun you get to do when you’re eighteen.” Sisu quickly said, “next!”

“How come there are so many stars in the sky?” Chau asked, clearly pulling that question out of the air as he looked up to view the brilliant night they were sitting under.

Sisu leaned over to him, whispering.

“Between me and you-..those ain’t stars at all…they’re fireflies!” she explained, loving how the boy’s eyes lit up with wonder, “they got stuck up there..so when we see those little lights up there, they’re actually fireflies!”

“I thought a star was an astronomical object consisting of a luminous spheroid of plasma held together by its own gravity?” Linh said in a matter-of-fact tone. Showing off that ‘genius’ side of her then, the words sounding quite odd from the mouth of a four year old who barely learned how to pronounce words properly and wasn’t even in school yet.

“Nah, it’s a firefly!” Sisu laughed, waving her off, “where’d you hear that nonsense?”

“The internet.” Linh claimed and then asked, “why does ice cream taste so good?”

“Cause it’s made with love!” Sisu explained, “it’s a secret ingredient used in most yummy things.”

“Is that why some vegetables taste so yucky?” Chau asked, “cause they don’t have love in them?”

“Yup, they’re actually made with lots and lots of sadness.” Sisu admitted, “that’s why kids cry when they eat them and why adults don’t, cause they’ve gotten used to the sadness.”

“How come we have to go to bed so early?” Linh asked then, “Mommy and Momma get to stay up late…”

“Cause you two are lucky!” Sisu exclaimed, “they’re busy doing boring adult stuff-..you guys get to sleep early so you can get up early and play!”. She took another large bite, mouth full as she spoke, “and they have to stay up late doing boring paperwork and get up early and keep doing boring paperwork!”

“But they’re laughing sometimes!” Chau pointed out, “and they do paperwork in the office not their bedro-”

“Ah..nope, they may sound like they’re laughing or having fun but-..ah..it’s definitely paperwork!” Sisu quickly said, “next question!”

“If being an adult is boring, why do kids want to grow up?” Linh asked, nearly finished with her ice cream then.

“That!” Sisu said dramatically, “is a question I don’t have an answer to, it’s life's biggest mystery!”

“Aww…” both kids whined, wanting an answer.

“Okay, but-...all I know is that both of you shouldn’t be quick to grow up, stay little and weird and fun for as long as you can!” she laughed, “be kids and ask questions and enjoy playing and doing stuff just cause you can!”. “You’ll have your whole lives to be adults, you only really get to be kids for a little bit.”

Both Chau and Linh were silent for a time, nodding their heads, thinking about this. Then, Chau’s face lit up again, smiling brightly as he looked at Sisu.

“Can we go flying again?” he asked, getting to his feet and nearly stumbling over in his excitement.

Sisu grabbed his arm, his ice cream not so lucky to be saved by the dragon girl as it slipped from his fingers and tumbled down the several stories below to the ground where someone who was walking by would unfortunately be hit by the frosty treat. Sisu righted the boy, taking his hand and Linh’s as they stood up on the ledge of the tall skyscraper they were hanging out on. Sisu flying them up there after they all got their ice cream. Enjoying the view of the city they were in…wherever here was? Sisu flying them out of Kumandra until they were in the middle of some random new place, checking out the views and enjoying the night sky here.

“Oops..” Chau grimaced, looking down at where his ice cream fell.

“Don’t worry my dude..” Sisu assured him, transforming into her dragon form. Helping each kid on her back. “We’ll get each of you a fresh one!” she cheered, diving into the air then and flying through the night. Both Chau and Linh screaming in delight as they took off into the air.

~~~

The house was perfectly fine when they arrived home, but their kids looked more like they had walked through a rainbow tornado as each of them had face paint, colorful accessories in their hair, silly pajamas that she must have bought them, and faces covered in sticky goop that was no doubt some sort of candy or treat. Both Chau and Linh passed out, along with Sisu, in Chau’s bed. A pile of storybooks around them that Sisu must have been reading before bed, all three of them crashing after what had to have been an exciting evening.

Honestly, Namaari wasn’t sure she wanted to know what they all had been up to. Content with knowing that the kids had fun and that nothing (hopefully) catastrophic had happened while they were gone.

After Raya got a photo of the three sleeping, they left them there to retreat to the living room. Not wanting to disturb any of them, specifically Sisu who had Chau and Linh cuddled close in her arms, holding them both protectively. A sight that made Namaari’s heart melt and her mind at ease, knowing that Raya was right. When it came down to it, Sisu would do anything to make sure their kids were safe.

Namaari almost wondered why she was concerned at all?

And..then they got the call.

It was late, the call coming from both Namaari and Raya’s council members. Each women taking the call at the same time, the members each saying the same thing in an almost comedic manner.

“We’re getting call after call over a sighting of a dragon!” they cried, “not from Kumandra-..but from our neighboring lands..they said it was carrying two children!”

“Do you think it’s another dragon like Sisu!?”

“Should we set up a team of investigators!?”

“What if this dragon is hostile!?”

“They have a video-...I’ll send it right away!”

On cue, both women got a video of a bystander catching the scene on their phone. Uploading it online, terrified at the sight of a long lizard-like creature flying through the air with two tiny kids on top of it. Too far and much too fast to truly see what it was or who was on the creature, but Namaari and Raya immediately knew it was them. A heavy sigh falling through them both as they realized the trouble that would come from this, the chaos that could arise, as well as the ‘giant creature’ that had been revealed to the other lands.

“Well..this still isn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.” Raya mentioned, trying to rapidly text each member of her team, “I’ll go over more detailed rules with her tomorrow…and maybe Lim can sit in with her next time..”

“Definitely..” Namaari agreed, trying to control the chaos that Sisu and their kids had caused.

#asks #rayamaari #sisu the dragon #sisu the last dragon #skc universe #OC: Chau #OC: Linh #ratld #surviving kumandra city #SKC

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honeysuckle-venom · 2 years

Note

12, 16, and 17?

Thank you so much for asking Felis!!!

12. Do you have any other identities that make your experience with your dissociative disorder different, such as neurodivergency, other disorders, or gender/racial identities?

You could probably guess the answer to this, but yes, I do! My schizophrenia and DID interact in some really interesting ways, some of which I'm still very much figuring out in therapy. Although all of us are schizophrenic, different parts experience it differently, and several parts (especially child parts) don't front during psychotic episodes at all and I think are incapable of fronting while we're in that state. I think that our DID helps keep some more vulnerable parts from experiencing the horrors of psychosis, and in some ways works as a protective coping mechanism against our schizophrenia. I also think that if I had just had schizophrenia and not also DID I might not have been able to graduate from college. Although I now have external confirmation from my therapist and certain friends that I was very much psychotic throughout college, I was largely unaware of it, and I think I had dissociative amnesia around a lot of my psychotic symptoms, which allowed me to not dwell on them and to focus on school. If I had been aware of how truly unwell I was I don't think I could have done it lol. So I think having DID has actually helped me cope with my schizophrenia in the past. But of course, having two highly stigmatized and difficult mental illnesses at once presents its own challenges, and I think it has made treatment more complicated for me and has played a significant role in confusing past therapists.

16. How does having a dissociative disorder affect your relationships to the people closest to you?

Hmm. I have no idea how to answer this one. Everyone I'm close to is aware that I have DID, and it doesn't tend to be an issue? At times it has made things slightly messy, and it played a big role in losing someone who had once been my best friend. We met when I was 14 and she was 13 (she's 6 months younger) and became very close, but over time as my mental illness became more severe our relationship had struggles. I was young and didn't have the support system or boundaries I do now, and I put more on her than she could handle. We were still close by the time I realized I had DID, when I was 19, but my various symptoms had been wearing on her for years, and I think the weirdness of DID was in some ways the final straw. When I was 22 we finally stopped talking for good, which was very painful and something I still struggle with. But with all of my other friends it's never really been a problem, and many of my closest friends are really, really wonderful when it comes to talking about DID stuff or interacting with different parts. A few of my close irl friends also have DID, which helps I think. And I'm just blessed to have a lot of really understanding people in my life. If I had a significant other or lived with someone it might cause more problems, but since I live alone and only see friends every so often it tends not to be a big deal I think, especially these days as uncontrolled switches are less frequent and so it's usually me spending time with friends unless otherwise discussed/invited.

That's all ignoring how it affects relationships with my parents, which is a much more complicated topic and not one I'm going to get into right now.

17. If you could tell someone questioning whether they have DID/OSDD one thing, what would it be?

Oh boy. Um....can I pick two? The first would be to focus on your symptoms, not necessarily the diagnosis. Honor your symptoms, seek treatment for them if possible, and don't get too caught up in diagnoses or online communities. The second thing, if they were pretty sure they had it, would be to have compassion for your parts as much as possible, and to communicate. Don't try to shove parts away or ignore their needs. Listen to them and try to work together. You're ultimately on the same team.

Thank you again for the questions!!!

#answers #about us #about me #did stuff

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bloodbenderz · 4 years

Note

Can I ask what your season 1 Lok reboot looks like?

this is about 3k words i checked lmfao dont say i didnt warn u

a key part of the whole thing is that korra gets way more perspectives and more experiences representative of like, normal people in republic city bc i think something that really defined what a good avatar aang was was how many people he met and got to know and how he didnt exclusively or even mostly associate w cops and bureaucrats and leaders. so mako and bolin. well first of all their backstories are a little more fleshed out and we get a less black and white view of the “triads” (lol) and mako and bolin’s experiences w them. cuz the show very much does the whole thing of like Criminals Bad but dont worry even tho mako and bolin did commit crimes theyre not Criminals!! so just a little more nuance on the alleged gang problem and the poverty in the city

korra does start out very naive w very black and white ideas (ex. “you guys are CRIMINALS?”) i think a really good way of developing her away from her sheltered naive worldview is putting her in whats clearly an incredibly complicated city w an absolute cesspool of political conflicts, ethnic tensions, the lasting effects of colonization, etc and having her try and understand the needs of “the people” in a more complicated way than “i have to save the good guys from the bad guys” ykwim? and i think the absolute WORST way to do that is what they did. bc we get mako and bolin who could contribute genuinely compelling thematic elements to the story: one parent who was indigenous and one who was from a colonizer background in the decades directly following the end of the war, kids who grew up in poverty apparently without any familial support, and who now are trying to be “respectable” members of society (especially mako). and then most of that is pretty much tossed aside bc asami swoops in w her capitalist dad and her piles of money and the class issue is just never talked about again.

so the way i’d fix all that is like. introducing more, like, normal people. some nonbenders, more workers, more immigrants, etc, to show what daily life is actually like for people. because. we dont know! we dont have any context about whether the nonbender oppression thing is actually an issue bc we dont KNOW any nonbenders with normal lives! and spoiler: the nonbender oppression thing is not an issue. bc it doesnt make historical sense. lok is set 7 decades after the end of the war. that is not by ANY stretch of the imagination long enough to heal from the scars of imperialism, ESPECIALLY not when lok is also set in a settler colonial state. like that fact should have featured PROMINENTLY in the political and social setting! realistically, nonbenders arent an oppressed class, earth and water nation people are, regardless of bending status! as in all settler colonial states, the colonizers and their descendants (in this case fire nation people) retain most of the financial and political capital, leaving the colonized and racialized immigrants (in this case earth kingdom and water tribe people respectively) generally impoverished and politically suppressed. like aside from the fact that theres no way toph would have become a cop, it’s so ridiculous to think that an established privileged class of fire nation colonizers would EVER accept being policed by earthbenders!

imagine how much more nuanced and interesting it would be to set republic city as a remnant of a colonial past still fraught w the violence and tension that colonialism and the associated ideology imposed?? instead of some vague ideas of criminal who wear 1920s outfits and harass shopkeepers think about why extralegal and violent groups like that might form! earth kingdom people trying to push for the reclamation of their land? ethnic groups protecting themselves against corrupt cops? ESPECIALLY w the history that the fire nation has of SPECIFICALLY jailing and killing earthbenders and waterbenders BECAUSE of the potential they have to resist against fire nation imperialism like it just makes no sense at all that earthbenders would be privileged on land that, 70 years ago, they would have been imprisoned on! like these various paramilitary groups falling along these different ideological or ethnic lines, fire nation or earth kingdom or water tribe, pro colonization or anti colonization, pro cop or anti cop, pro immigrant or anti immigrant, and then you juxtapose that w depictions of a govt thats failing to keep this all under control w tenzin trying desperately to keep it together despite the fact that it’s becoming increasingly obvious that the state has no interest in taking the conflicts seriously and would rather just point vague fingers at criminals and gangs? and THEN you bring in korra, who has no idea about any of this and thinks that all its gonna take is kicking some ass every couple days, meeting normal people who offer all kinds of different opinions abt the efficacy of the state and the different violent or nonviolent groups and ideologies clashing in the city and the way all this shit is affecting people’s lives and livelihoods and relationships w other citizens??

theres so much good shit there so many incredible things u could do w that like Where do we go after colonial atrocities? is it possible for a settler colonial state to take revolutionary or indigenous ideas seriously? is liberal reform enough in a state like this? and then all the growth that korra could do going from a simple black and white life about mastering the elements to this messy complicated sociopolitical knot of a city? and all the different kinds of characters u could introduce in this city? like why would u EVER think that the most interesting characters that this story has to offer is a police chief a congressman and a billionaire????

but anyways. that’s what the Setting of my idealized version of lok is. as for the actual plot, it is as follows

it starts out similarly as the show. republic city is MUCH more fraught w political tension and violence and korra knows this but assumes that it’s just a matter of throwing a few gang leaders and corrupt officials in jail. tenzin manages to come see them in the south pole and intends give korra real lessons while he’s there but they receive news of a terrorist attack in republic city only a few days after he gets there so his family has to pack up and leave again.

korra stows away to republic city (katara catches her leaving and gives her blessing im a SUCKER for that moment). she does have a hard time adjusting but she doesn’t do what she did in the show lol the first person she meets in the city is this older woman who works on the docks, directs her to a place where she can eat and gives her a roof to sleep under for the first night. so korra’s first exposure to republic city is just about forming connections w ordinary people like ship workers and a family owned restaurant and people practicing their bending in the park. and by the time she reaches air temple island a day or so later her head is spinning w all this new information and the way that nothing is really what she expected it to be. tenzin gives her his own perspective on everything and pema gives her her own perspective on everything and even those two seem wildly different from all the people she’s already met. and so korra starts to get a kind of outline of the conflicts plaguing the city as extremely complex and a lot more influenced by older ideas of fire nation imperialism and earth kingdom land reclamation than she had any idea about.

mako and bolin are still pro benders but not like. super famous like they are in the show. korra’s picked up a couple friends by now and one of them takes her to a gym where a lot of amateur pro bending (is that an oxymoron? lol) matches happen and thats how she meets mako and bolin and joins their pro bending team. Unfortunately for korra, this gym is run by lin beifong, and also has the distinction of being one of the most notoriously anti settler state organizations in the country. lin beifong is NOT a cop but she runs this gym (and the pro bending league) as a way to offer support to local earth kingdom/water tribe youth, teach self defense skills, a center of community organizing, and sometimes to act as a front to hide revolutionary/combat organizing against the pro fire nation paramilitaries/police force. tenzin is DISTRAUGHT that korra does this and this is where the friction btwn them comes from bc (from tenzin’s perspective) she does things like this without thinking or even fully understanding the context behind them and tenzin will have to deal w the political fallout of the avatar openly aligning herself w a very divisive figure in the community and (from korra’s perspective) tenzin is too unwilling to take sides in a conflict that’s claiming lives and when the state is clearly not taking sufficient steps to protect people well then why the hell shouldnt she align herself w lin beifong, who IS taking steps to protect and support people?

as korra more fully integrates herself into the city and learns more abt how different people think abt everything going on this is where the real exposition abt the equalists begins. they’re a paramilitary group w an ideology thats gaining increasing support among middle/upper class fire nation people, esp nonbenders. on the face theyre abt putting checks on “bender oppression” but really it’s an excuse to persecute and surveil earthbenders waterbenders and airbenders, bc fire nation people have all this leftover fear about benders who arent fire nation Rising Up Against them and these people who r using their Savage Excuse for Bending to terrorize good innocent (fire nation) people. theres all too frequent terrorist attacks that the equalists claim credit for mostly against monuments to earth/water/air nation people and earth/water nation community centers (one like it was the event that forced tenzin back to republic city) but also like the govt doesnt take a lot of these seriously or if they do only a couple people are charged without doing damage to the entire organization

this is also around the time that they meet asami and she becomes part of their friend group. asami likes pro bending but her dad HATES it so she sneaks out to watch matches at lin beifong’s gym (korra says ironically like don’t u know how ~divisive~ that is and asami answers that the only reason its Not divisive is that gyms like beifongs are the only place where nobody recognizes her). and asami alongside korra is also kind of developing a more nuanced perspective on the city that she lives in cuz obviously the only worldview she’s ever been exposed to is her father’s right? and she keeps pushing it off making excuses not to bring mako and bolin and korra around to her house or even not to be seen w them in certain neighborhoods until they call her on it and she’s like Well honestly my dad might do something awful to u! and i dont wanna risk it!

and as time goes on we see more abt asami’s home life like her father’s hyper conservative politics and asami keeps these secrets abt her hobbies and her friends from him but she’s still clearly under his influence and mako bolin and korra r getting increasingly worried abt it cuz like...asami seems to tend to make excuses for him so that she wont have to be drawn into conflict and originally they think its just her being privileged and thats def part of it but the more they find out abt it the more they realize what a tight fucking grip he has on her and the way that like. asami sneaking out once or twice a week is the Only thing she does for herself. and it really starts freaking them out how influential this billionaire is and all the information theyre getting from asami abt what a piece of shit he clearly is. and so that whole plot thing comes about and shows us how deeply embedded these “equalist” ideas are in conservative republic city politics and how much influence theyre actually having in policy making and law enforcement.

asami suffers in the aftermath of this like being forced to truly confront the harm her father is doing both to the city and to herself. and she ends up leaving home when this discovery really breaks. but bc of the deep corruption in govt and police sato isn’t really....dealt with? like this big story breaks and everyones like Oh, My God! Hiroshi Sato Is Funding An Illegal Paramilitary Group! and theres all kinds of inane political discourse about it and he’s arrested but he bails himself out immediately and his finances are examined but he maintains control over them and after a few weeks the gang (bc they Have become close among all this w much less interpersonal drama lol) has to admit that this news story hasnt done what they thought it was going to it hasn’t dealt the equalists a real hit its just given them a very high profile ally

and this is when things really start to ramp up in terms of action like up until now korra’s daily activities are mostly like hanging around in the city w her friends (which in part entails doing little avatar stuff that people dont feel comfortable going to police with, like Can you help me my ex husband wont pay child support or Please help i got robbed and i really needed that money for rent next month or Help my son keeps skipping school can you talk to him cuz im worried abt him being safe and doing well in school) and pro bending and airbending lessons (which i know ive neglected this part of the story in terms of her whole spiritual/physical conflict but it’s more of a subtle thing like it’s one of tenzin and korra’s more frequent arguments like tenzin says she needs to focus on spirituality and korra asks why she even needs to bc republic city is a sociopolitical problem not a spiritual one) but now the equalist threat seems to really be looming on every level of society like the storyline of equalists preventing pro bending matches happens here and everyones just at a total loss of what to do next. plus increasing and scary rhetoric about tenzin and his family that destroying the last airbenders is necessary to preserving the integrity of the united republic

and so theres the equalist takeover of the city. the people who are mostly resisting this are lin and ragtag group of people who have been resisting colonial rule for a long time (including suyin, who is part of a communist anti colonial community outside the city, because i said so and i think it would be fun), people who have been visiting her gym for years, members of her amateur pro bending league, plus asami and korra and tenzin. korra and tenzin have a sweet moment (bc they do genuinely care abt each other a lot even if their relationship has been marked w a lot of tension and arguing) where tenzin says like you know i think that ive lost focus on the kind of spirituality that might actually help you. korra says what do you mean? and tenzin kind of gestures to where theyre sitting with people buzzing around organizing to take care of innocents and civilians and to fight the equalists and he says this is a kind of spiritual too, isnt it?

and something something plot plot blah blah i havent decided on the details of the plot climax yet but that’s the climax of korra’s character development and what helps her connect w her spiritual side in order to protect the city: the realization that community is its own kind of spirituality. and it kind of represents the real development that i want her to have going from somebody who thinks that the world is divided into criminals and victims and she has to save the victims Into the kind of avatar who understands the people that she’s bound to serve. she becomes an avatar of the people!

and then happy ending lol korra and asami get together lin and tenzin reconcile after years of being at odds the show ends on a hopeful note that the inhabitants of republic city and the united republic as a whole Can move on from the scars of colonialism by reckoning w the remnants of fire nation colonial ideology and reparations to the earth kingdom people whose land this is and destruction of colonial systems that have maintained and enforced colonial violence all these years

#the ending of this isnt as detailed as the beginning and middle bc ive drafted the first couple chapters but i havent thought out the #logistics and details of the climax lol #asks #lok

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beauty-of-sins · 3 years

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Alright, I think now is a decent time to talk about why I don’t necessarily like Catradora and why I’m in the small percentage of those who prefer Glimmer/Catra.

I wanted to wait quite a bit after the finale had passed to post this because tensions were running high between shippers for a bit after it aired(even though everyone knew the endgame it still somewhat spiraled out of control). I wanted to make sure it didn’t seem like I was shitting on an important moment for the lgbt community and let ppl enjoy themselves, while allowing myself to have time to reflect on why I was among the dissatisfied while everyone else was losing their minds.

Upon reflection, like most ppl who weren’t necessarily enamored with their relationship, it’s because I had a relationship very similar to Adora/Catra’s dynamics. This is not meant to demonize those who like the ship, but just offer a different perspective on to why some don’t like how their relationship turned out.

Now, one thing I hated, was how dismissive ppl were of those who were talking about their own experiences because it is an important factor as to why they didn’t necessarily like the way spop ended. And a lot of the issues they had with the ship had actually VALID points and most of the ppl talking about it.... were actually rooting for them to end up together. Their complex relationship is what I imagine drew many ppl into the show in the first place and actually is one of my favorites in lgbt media because of that. I liked how they showed the ugly parts- the codependency, the resentment, and the angst are all very real emotions that a lot of ppl have to deal with in both friendships and relationships.

Personally, I kept watching because I wanted to see how the writers would make something this messy and raw work. Keep in mind I acknowledge, if I didn’t have experience with those kind of toxic relationships, I probably would have been okay with the ending.

The seasons of buildup showing how much Catra was hurting Adora and how far she was willing to go to spite Adora for the resolution between them to be wrapped up that quickly and seamlessly just didn’t resonate with me and fell flat. I know a lot of ppl made some bold claims about how it was healthy now and I was like “????????” just because they kissed, had their love confession, and Catra finally felt guilty about the things she did does not necessarily mean everything is fine. Catra became a better person sure but that doesn’t mean their relationship just immediately became healthier by default. More than anything, I felt like both Catra and Adora needed to reestablish healthy boundaries and address their trauma for their friendship first before even heading into a relationship(I wished spop had like one more season for this) but that’s a conversation for another day.

When I think about post-canon I could not see Adora being able to call Catra out if she falls back into the same behavior, because yknow healing is a process and doesn’t happen overnight and it takes time to unlearn harmful behaviors. Like many I still felt joy watching these character grow and have a chance of a better future but it did leave a slightly bitter taste in my mouth knowing that the resolution could have been done better.

Now onto Glimmer.

Seeing Catra and Glimmer interact is such a breathe of fresh air to watch. Their interactions always left me on the edge of my seat because they didn’t have heavy history between them and yet their chemistry was insane. When I watched a lot of Adora and Catra’s relationship unfold onscreen, in the back of my head, I’m like they are going to makeup because they have to and not necessarily because it makes sense story wise. But Glimmer and Catra aren’t like that, they don’t have external motivations driving them so when Glimmer forgives her it actually means something. They aren’t being pushed to be with each other and as a result everything seems to flow more naturally. I loved seeing their interactions, and I loved seeing Glimmer go more towards her dark nature because you could see how really similar the two are. But the most important thing is that Glimmer does not back down to anyone.

When I think about what Catra needs, it’s not an Adora, who in general comes off as love blind and hesitant to call Catra out on her behavior, it’s a Glimmer who’s not afraid to call her out on her bullshit, and vice-versa, so they can grow and learn from each other.

I wished the show had given their friendship more time to grow outside of their time on prime’s ship because of how much they have in common with each other. They both had parental figures who they were trying to prove something to, they both had abandonment issues, and they are both capable of slipping into bad behaviors on the basis of what they believe is “right”. Really, the only difference between them is their upbringing and that when Glimmer goes down that dark path she actually believes she’s doing it for the better good of Etheria. Hell, I wish the show made their relationship even more complicated by just bringing up one conversation about Angella.

That was the moment I was waiting for the entire season and I was disappointed that it never happened. Hell, that could have covered what was missing, which was a person just not immediately forgiving Catra. Imagine how tense and heartbreaking that scene would have been with Glimmer holding Catra accountable for what happened to her mother and ultimately learning to forgive her because she sees how easily she could get to that point herself(which she did). It would have been 1000% more interesting than the Bow/Glimmer conflict and would have probably satisfied a lot of complaints about the Catra redemption.

They had so much potential together and their dynamic is just so exciting to dive into and explore and I wished the show had just allowed it to grow and flourish a little more instead of the overwhelming focus on Adora/Catra only to have the resolution be wrapped up in record time.

If you have different opinions, or think I missed something important to change my mind, or something else to add please do it respectfully. or be blocked

#catra #glimmer #glitra #spop #She-Ra #not gonna tag it as catradora out of respect #lord i know there is some MISTAKES but i know like three ppl are gonna read it anyway

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captainpikeachu · 3 years

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the problematic ways that TFATWS handled John Walker’s grief and trauma

The Nerdist had an article back in May about how TFATWS effectively villainized Bucky’s trauma and victim-blamed Bucky by making him having to seek atonement for actions that were not in his control instead of the narrative accepting that he is a victim and not a perpetrator. And I agree with that. However, another example of the show’s tendency to villainize trauma is rarely talked about at all, and that’s how the show handled John Walker’s trauma.

The first issue comes with the fact that his unresolved PTSD is not even established. The show tells us that John Walker has three Medals of Honor, medals that he earned all in one day, the worst day of his life, yet chooses to portray his tendency for anger and irritability as character traits instead of symptoms of his untreated PTSD. And yes, he has PTSD, you don’t go through earning three Medals of Honor and not come out of it with a heap-load of PTSD issues. And no, the military definitely did not give him treatment and he likely didn’t even report it because of the culture of the military surrounding this issue, which is the reason why at his hearing, he doesn’t even get any benefits, not even for service-related PTSD which he should be getting. But again, the show does not take the time to establish or even address it.

And perhaps on its own that issue would not be a big problem, but then the show does the “he snapped” moment in Episode 4 with John killing Nico, the Flag Smasher. Yet instead of addressing this as someone dealing with complicated grief combined with self destructive experiences, the show uses this moment to ultimately villainize John to the audience. We are not shown that this is a person reacting out of grief and pain and thus he needs help and empathy, but instead that reaction to grief is conflated with the real life imagery of police brutality and blood tainting the shield, something we are primed to hate. Intentional or not, the show conflating the two is dangerously irresponsible, because not only does this cut out empathy for people who don’t react to grief in “the right way” that society seems to deem people should do but it also diminishes the reality that police brutality is a systemic issue of racism, bigotry, and need for control, and not the reaction of a single person in the direct aftermath of grief and trauma to the murder of a loved one right before his eyes.

If the show’s intention is to paint a parallel to real life issues of police brutality, then they should have done it without using Lemar’s death as the catalyst to John committing that act of violence. The show could have easily just gone with the “privileged ignorant white man who’s complicit in the system” route that would have very clearly addressed that real life issue, they don’t even have to make John a mustache twirling evil person to do it, even a “good person” can be complicit to a system that he’s benefiting from and ignorant of the flaws of, life isn’t just filled with only 100% good people and 100% bad people. But they chose to muddy up the real life allegory by using Lemar’s death, and by villainizing John’s reaction to that trauma and grief, effectively making the scene to the audience as “oh look you’re right about him being the evil bad one” and building up the belief that John deserves to get beat up the next episode in that warehouse. There’s no empathy for John’s grief, there is no consideration that John is mentally dissociating as we clearly see in Episode 5 as he’s running inside that warehouse, and there’s no addressing that Sam and Bucky are effectively beating up a traumatized, grieving, and mentally dissociated person all for a piece of metal. Symbolism of the shield in this narrative is more important than a proper portrayal of how to deal with traumatized people, which is an especially jarring move given Sam is a man who is repeatedly shown and stated again and again to counsel traumatized soldiers and we see him repeatedly refusing to engage in violence with Karli even when she is killing other people and trying to kill Sam himself. The show villainizing John’s grief while asking us to sympathize with Karli shows a confusing and contradictory philosophy at best, and however unintentionally, perpetuates this notion that grief from people we like is more understandable and okay than grief from people we dislike.

John’s reaction to his grief and trauma is categorized by the narrative as “bad” and “wrong” and “evil”, something he must seek atonement and redemption from. This continues to play along to the notion that there is a “right way” and a “proper way” to deal with grief that everyone has to follow, or else you’re wrong or evil or bad for not dealing with it like other people, as if reaction to grief and trauma has to have a one-size-fit-all plan instead of each person having to deal with it in their own way that should be understandable and valid. Sometimes trauma and grief doesn’t make you sweet or vulnerable or presented in a way for an audience to go “awwww” over and hug the character, sometimes reactions to trauma and grief is anger, violence, coldness, cruelty, and wanting retribution, and media’s consistent perpetuation that reacting in this way is akin to being a bad or evil person villainizes real people’s pain. The show perpetuates the notion that because characters like Steve and Sam didn’t react the trauma “the wrong way”, then John shouldn’t have as well, and that by reacting the “wrong way”, John shows he’s a bad person, as if that’s somehow how grief and trauma is supposed to work in real life with real people. Sometimes dealing with trauma is messy and chaotic, and that should be okay and valid, not shunned and shamed.

John Walker has PTSD, untreated and unresolved, but he has it. And because of that unresolved trauma along with the amplification by the serum and the added trauma of watching his best friend die in front of his eyes, he reacted in a fit of rage and uncontrolled anger, seeking retribution from people that hurt him. And the show instead of portraying it as this is also a person who deserves to get help and for people to care about, paints him in a villainous light as someone who should be beaten into submission to show why he’s not worthy. And in a landscape of an MCU that just had a show in which the main character got to deal with her grief and how lashing out at people did not make her any less worthy of being a hero, it is incredibly strange and jarring that TFATWS could not do the same. Instead of inviting the audience to understand John’s grief and trauma of losing his best friend to murder, the show instead invites the audience to hope that he ends up alone, to get punishment for reacting wrongly, to lose the support of his wife, or to die. His lies to Lemar’s family is not painted as the understandable reaction of a person trying to deal with this trauma because of fear and pain, but instead seen as malicious and nefarious. The narrative never allows him the dignity of grieving, of showing or addressing his pain as valid and worthy of empathy instead of something we the audience just brush past quickly as much as Lemar’s death was brushed over by every other character within the narrative except John.

If the show could not properly address John’s trauma over their intention to play to real life commentary, then I would have rather they didn’t even bother to try at all than just half-assing it to the point of villainizing that trauma.

#tfatws tried to do too many things and ends up half assing a lot of it #john walker #the falcon and the winter soldier #tfatws #mcu #marvel #the falcon and the winter soldier meta #tfatws meta #mcu meta #marvel meta #tw: ptsd #tw: trauma #tw: grief #tw: mentions of murder #tw: mentions of police brutality

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mymedicine · 4 years

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Stardust

~7k of sweet fluff & painful angst w jazz singer harry

moodboard

sum - y/n reflects on her own insecurities, the nuances of her shitty job, and her past relationship with the most popular vocalist at the club while watching him perform.

warnings - alcohol, angst, swearing, self-deprecation, misogyny/workplace sexual harassment (it’s pretty light, relatively speaking, but I don’t want to undermine how wrong any and all harassment is, not matter how seemingly minor), excessive use of italics and the word “belong”

notes - this is inspired in part by the several years i spent singing in a jazz group, wherein i had to learn about 382404 jazz standards. Stardust is one of my all time favorites! anyways this is maybe a little different than a typical one shot, but i hope you like it anyways as i worked very hard on her :’)

“Didn’t you have a thing with him a while back?”

“What?” Taken aback, Y/N snapped her eyes open wide. Just the words brought a shiver down her spine and a nagging twist in her heart. “No…we uh…we almost…” She stammered hastily, herself not even knowing where the sentence was going. How could she even begin to explain their relationship?

“Almost..?”

“Yeah,” Y/N sighed, trying in vain to hide the longing in her voice. “Almost.”

The club was busy tonight, as it always was when its star vocalist was performing. The Fine Line had hosted hundreds of local artists in the seven years since its opening, but only one had managed to bring his show anywhere outside its four brick walls. Harry Styles had gone above and beyond, in fact. And now that he’d been picked up by a renowned pianist and the pair had and toured around the country together, his presence in the tiny club was rare delight. Never one to forget his roots, Harry was fulfilling his vow to return to the club that kickstarted his rise to stardom every year.

“Well, lots of people would be very happy to have ‘almost’…” she gave Y/N a pointed look, “…that beautiful man.”

Y/N knew Sarah meant well, but the words tightened the soreness she was feeling in her chest. Of course he was beautiful. It was blatantly obvious to everyone who laid eyes on his delicate chocolate curls, charming green eyes, and bright crinkly smile. But Y/N didn’t just see him; she knew him. And she knew he was just as beautiful on the inside.

“It was complicated.”

An understatement. Not a lie. No more lies.

Y/N moved her arm away from the bar as Sarah swiped a wet rag on the counter where she’d been leaning. It hardly mattered, Y/N reckoned. The bar would be stained with watered-down scotch and lukewarm Prosecco spilled by the hands of rich and poor alike mere minutes after the club opened for the night, and Sarah’d have to clean it all over again. Still, Y/N kind of envied the bartender. Sarah had a safe place behind the bar to stay busy in all night, away from too many hungry, unwanted gazes. Not only that, but it would be so much easier to avoid the stage (or rather, the man performing on it) if she didn’t have to deal with the rowdy patrons seated in the front row.

“Complicated?” Sarah repeated with a mischievous tone and that same pointed stare.

“Are you single?” she’d asked when a jolt of confidence suddenly hit her. Alcohol-induced confidence, of course. Her shift had been over for a half hour and John had yet to declare last call.

“Yes, well…it’s sort of complicated.” he’d replied, whiskey coursing through his own veins.

“Complicated how?”

“I just…” He trailed off and looked away from her as if searching for the right words, eyes gazing thoughtfully at the few patrons who were still lingering after his set “…consider myself married to my job…”

“In that case, I consider myself twice divorced and scorned.”

He chuckled, returning his eyes to meet hers from where he was perched on the barstool beside her. “That bad being a waitress? At least you got a show from an outstanding vocalist.”

“What vocalist is tha? I’m only here for the pianist,” she teased, nodding her head in the direction of where Mitch was chatting with a group of immaculately dressed, heavily made up women. Too made up, Y/N thought. The Fine Line was a humble hole in the wall jazz club where anyone could get cheap drinks and decent entertainment, not the goddamn opera house. She refused to consider that the reason for her hostility toward their appearances could be anything other than that. She wasn’t jealous—they were pretentious, overly obsessed rich girls who fawned over anyone with talent or wealth. Harry and Mitch, of course, had both.

Her irritation melted away as Harry laughed again, the sound somehow even sweeter to her than the dulcet singing for which he’d become famous.

“Yes, Sar.” Y/N crossed her arms, subconsciously moving her body away from the stools in front of the bar and the memories they held. How could she explain their relationship?—Well, it seems she couldn’t.

Sensing her friend’s unease, Sarah let the issue go. “Well, at least you’ll be getting nice tips tonight,” she said diplomatically. “You look extra pretty and ’s gonna be packed.”

Yes, one reason Y/N had meticulously ironed her black tea-length skirt and cream blouse (even though they’d both be covered by her apron), applied a smooth, thin line of eyeliner, and stuffed an emergency tube of glossy lipstick in her brassiere was in anticipation of the club being crowded with plenty of older men whose generosity depended upon her appearance as much as the quality of her service. An omission. Not a lie.

“Thanks.” Y/N smiled stiffly, “Hope it’s worth it.”

Complicated indeed.

Despite her mild annoyance and the growing ache in her heart, Y/N felt a surge of gratitude for Sarah. Before she took over for John a few months ago, Y/N had struggled to befriend any of the other staff at the club. The other waitresses were nice enough, but Y/N just didn’t have the energy to initiate any sort of friendship. The weight of her lost lover, her financial struggles, her personal unhappiness…it was too much to unload on a meaningless workplace friendship.

With Sarah, it was easy. Her alliance didn’t require any work or thought or feeling. She was easy to talk to and even easier to absently listen to as she talked Y/N’s ear off. Whether intended to take Y/N’s mind off her inevitable confrontation with her past or not, Sarah’s rambling was a welcome distraction. She prattled about the poor quality of the alcohol, her disbelief at the outrageous prices they charged, how “fucking freezing” it was outside, how she was excited to gush over the women’s outfits for the night, how insufferable their manager was, and how she hoped Harry’s pianist was as amiable as he was talented and handsome (and that she’d even be able to speak to him in order to find out).

Y/N eyed the clock above the bar as Sarah continued chattering and swiping a rag over each pint glass. The hands seemed to move faster than usual—far too fast for comfort. They were less than fifteen minutes shy of opening, which meant there was more than likely a line forming outside and that the man of the hour had already arrived.

He’d have come through the back door and sat himself in the makeshift dressing room back there, probably having some tea with honey and trying to stop himself from babbling to Mitch, knowing it killed his voice. Y/N wondered absently what he was wearing. She pictured him in a flashy suit with his hair tousled and messy, maybe some of his favorite clunky rings adorning his fingers. Her heart squeezed impossibly and though she knew he wouldn’t be in the dining room just yet, she shivered at the thought of his eyes on her, his hands on her, his voice in her ears.

She tried to busy herself with watching Sarah clean, but she couldn’t help her eyes from glancing at the clock. She fidgeted in her barstool, drumming her fingers on the counter as the minute hand completed yet another rotation.

At six fifty-three Y/N couldn’t take it anymore so she bid Sarah farewell and made deliberately slow work of walking to the ladies room. But of course, she couldn’t help but notice that there was a clock in there too. She fished out her lipstick, desperate for something to do. Still, her eyes flicked up to where it hung above the mirror and her unsteady fingers stained her chin with the pink gloss. She begged the clock to slow down—no where near ready for work. Would she ever be ready to return to the club knowing she’d be sharing the space with her past lover?

Six fifty-seven… She wiped her chin with the pad of her thumb…Fifty-eight…She smoothed the non-existent wrinkles on her apron…fifty-nine…

Time.

Seven o’clock. The Fine Line’s doors opened and hostesses ushered the eager guests inside. A warm din quickly filled the room as patrons flooded in, greeting the staff and chatting to each other. Y/N merely watched from the side of the bar as the happy, well-dressed people sat at bar tables, corner booths, and even couches near the stage where it was cozy and intimate. Behind the bar, Sarah was already serving the more eager customers and chatting with them effortlessly about their outfits and the weather. Y/N felt a surge of disappointment—no, anger at herself for being so useless. He wasn’t even in the room and yet, he affected her every move.

Finally at seven oh seven, Y/N plucked up the courage to pell herself away from safety and actually do her job. Encouraged by the icy glare her manager, Robert, was sending her, she plastered a fake smile on her cheeks and sauntered over to the back corner of the room to greet her tables before taking their drink orders. Prosecco, house cabernet, whiskey neat, water with lemon—all so predictable and bland.

At seven twelve, Harry took the stage.

She caught sight of him just as she was setting down the glass of iced water with lemon. The older woman who’d ordered the drink thanked her kindly, but her attention was elsewhere. Harry was anything but bland—this she of course already knew, but the sight of his handsome figure after so long nearly made her drop the glass.

Needing no introduction, he and his pianist sauntered into the spotlight seemingly from out of nowhere. Y/N watched helplessly from the back of the room as cheers erupted from the crowd almost immediately. She could only see glimpses of him through the shadowy backs of her patrons’ heads, and still, he was an absolute wonder to behold. He was shimmering head to toe in a glittery black and gold blazer with tight pants and shiny black shoes. Y/N couldn’t tell from where she was frozen whether he was wearing rings or any other jewelry, but she wouldn’t doubt it—even his hair seemed to be dancing with sparkle.

Y/N managed to escape her daze as Harry effortlessly took his place in front of the piano—center stage, right where he belonged. He stood behind the microphone, his bright smile partially concealed by the mouth of it. Even before he said a word, his confident stature and striking outfit accompanied by Mitch’s smooth fluttering of the ivory keys captivated the room. The cheers from the crowd roared louder, the sounds of clinking glasses and high-pitched whistles making his smile grow impossibly bigger.

Meanwhile, Y/N retreated back to the corner of the bar to…hide? To sulk? She wasn’t sure, but she leaned on the counter anyways and surveyed the room. Was this where she belonged?

“Good evening, my friends,” He murmured into the microphone, immediately silencing the room with his low voice and thick, alluring accent. Wide eyes and glowing smiles greeted him from every corner. He glanced around the room, taking in the dark faces and familiar cozy atmosphere of the club he’d grown up singing in—looking for something (or rather, someone).

“I’m Harry Styles…” He paused, smiling wide and shutting his eyes to let the soft piano chords wash over himself and the dining room. Mitch looked up from the keys at his friend and returned the relaxed grin. “And this is the incredibly talented Mitch Rowland…” Harry continued, “We’re gonna play some jazz tunes for you tonight. Please sit back, relax, have a drink or two. We’re all here for a good time.”

He gave Mitch a slow, confident nod, and so began their set.

Even with a narrow, partially obstructed view of him, it was exceedingly obvious to Y/N that Harry had outgrown The Fine Line. His voice cascaded off the stage, flooding the room and engulfing everyone in it. He improvised effortlessly, as if music was his native language rather than English. It was evident that he understood the difference between art and artistry. Art existed for sake of the audience, but the latter existed within the creator himself. He was a vessel through which artistry flowed and pictures were sketched without any paint, stories told without any words. It was a gift granted upon people like Harry, whose purpose on Earth was to share it.

He was smooth jazz personified, the epitome of serenity with a touch of spunk evident in his glittery outfit and playful tone. He managed to strike the perfect balance between traditional jazz and contemporary funk, booming forte and soft pianissimo, bubbly disposition and mellow temperament, relaxed and chaotic, carefree and attentive—it was precisely why the world loved him so much.

Y/N watched fondly as he reached up to hold the mouth of the microphone, and there it was—a glint of metal catching the light. His H ring was big and clunky around his finger, but still strikingly beautiful against the dim spotlight and his painted nails.

“My hands are cold.”

“Yeah? Should I warm ‘em up f’you?”

Suddenly his hand had engulfed hers. Just like that, they were holding hands. Y/N felt her heart threatening to leap out of her chest. His calloused, ring-clad fingers around hers sent waves of warmth through her palm, her forearm, her chest, the feeling so physically overwhelming that she stopped walking.

He followed her lead, turning to face her and take her other hand in his free one.

She couldn’t see much of his face in the darkness, but the stars cast a delicate glow on his prominent features. She could make out the outline of his crooked nose, his sharp cheekbones, his bunny teeth toying with his bottom lip.

“Hah,” he mused. “Knew you just wanted ta hold my hand.”

An icy wind ripped through her. She squeezed his hands a little tighter, ignoring the slight pain his rings gave her. She instantly felt warmer.

Being with Harry had been a fantasy—a lie, even. He was simply too good to be true. Just three weeks of diner dates and flower bouquets and jazzy serenades and whispered pillowtalk, and she was in love. Three weeks was all it took for Y/N to fall absolutely head over heels for him. Over a year had passed and she still wasn’t over a love that was built in three weeks.

As heavenly music pervaded the room and alcohol continued to flow, the patrons grew rowdier. Y/N was already on edge with the constant ringing of her ex lover’s voice in her ears and all the repressed love resurfacing, and each wandering hand and lingering touch pushed her a little closer to her breaking point. She was swamped with two tables both choosing to order hors d’oeuvres for the evening, which irritated her to no end (Who orders food at a jazz club? Especially this jazz club, where even the simplest drinks were barely palatable. The Fine Line would surely find away to fuck up charcuterie, and then she’d have to go and deal with their complaints about it).

“Excuse me, love. Aren’t you the waitress?” The man’s meaty hand stopped her in her journey to the back to fetch the food, snaking its way to the small of her back. Y/N shivered at the feeling of his sweaty palm through the cotton material of her apron.

Instinct told her to steal a glance at the stage. Did he notice her discomfort? Did he care? Do I care if he cares? She was no stranger to these kinds of interactions with inebriated men and he was still performing like he didn’t have a care in the world. She didn’t need him to save her from this drunkard or any of the club-goers hounding her.

Y/N put on a fake smile and looked up at his face, “Yes, sir.”

“Can you make me anotha drink?” He slurred.

“I can put it in with the bartender, just give me one moment—“

“That bitch over there?…” He make a sweeping gesture toward the general area where Sarah, too, was swamped. “Where’s the actual bartender?”

“Uhm, sir…Sarah makes all the drinks—“

“Bullshit, she’s just a girl—”

“Sir—“

An exaggerated eye roll, “—good for nothing little bitches, both of you—“

“If we’re all so worthless to you, why don’t you get the goddamn drink yourself!”

The man looked appalled, mouth wide open in a shocked silence. Y/N felt a tinge of satisfaction knowing she’d wounded him. But the tiny flame was quickly extinguished.

“Y/N!” It was Robert’s angry voice smashing through her joy like broken glass. He thundered over to her, coming out of nowhere just in the nick of time.

“Yes, sir?” She sighed, eyes trained on her feet. They were aching in her tight heels—just another affliction she’d grown accustomed too.

“That’s not how you talk to paying customers here! It’s barely eight o clock and you’re already on strike two for tonight. You’re lucky I’m feeling nice enough to giving you one more chance.”

Robert’s raised voice caught the attention of a few guests in the near vicinity. Y/N felt a wave of shame wash over her, like she was a child being reprimanded by her parents. For a moment, she absently wished that she was nine or ten years old again, with no responsibilities, no heartache, no problems. But she wasn’t a child; she was a grown woman and she needed this job to survive.

Y/N bit her tongue and uttered, “My apologies, sir,” through clenched teeth.

The scene seemed to have caught the singer’s attention from across the room. He finally caught a glimpse of her from the stage and Y/N could practically see his heart somersaulting in his chest. He paused for a beat, halting his languid swaying to focus on the glimpse he caught of her profile in the crowd. He could only see her face very faintly in the dark, crowded club, but it was more than enough. Y/N felt as if his gaze was stretching time…stretching until she felt the sting of a hand slapping her wrist at her side.

She snapped her eyes away from the stage and turned toward the source of the strike. Unlike Y/N, who couldn’t even seem do her job when he was in the same room as her, Harry recovered quickly once her gaze left his, blinking his own eyes as to escape the reverie.

Robert sent Y/N another dirty glare, seething, “Get back to work before I send you out for good.”

Y/N nodded meekly, taking a deep breath and forcing herself to carry on. She rubbed her sore wrist and bruised pride. It definitely wasn’t the first time Robert had given her a harsh censure, but that didn’t make it sting any less.

Meanwhile, Harry returned his attention to his performance. “This last song is called ‘Stardust,’” he mused into the microphone, effortlessly holding the attention of every patron in the club. “’S one of my favorites. ’S about love…and lost.” He paused, sending the crowd a charming smile. “Big thanks to Mitchy…” he gestured grandiosely toward the pianist, who played an impressive jazzy riff in response, “…and of course, each of you. You made me the man I am today, and I’m forever grateful.”

Y/N swore he looked right at her as a melodiously chanted those words. He knew where to find her now and his gaze was purposeful, intense, and unwavering. Not for the first time tonight, her heart felt like it’d stopped beating in her chest.

Harry hesitated to continue, happy green eyes lingering on hers while Y/N wondered absently if it was only his lover—only herself, that could see the longing hidden in them. She smeared on her best blank expression, no longer having the energy for even a fake smile, and focused on keeping her tray steady. She plucked four more full glasses from the bar and balanced them precariously on her tray before meandering around the dining room to the rhythm of Harry’s song. A year ago, the sound of his voice would have made her own heart sing. Today, each note twisted the knife in her heart a little more, torturing her with what she couldn’t have.

“Mitchy’s been teaching me a couple things…”

He had a beautiful baby grand in the middle of his living room. It was clear from the way the piano took up nearly the entire room that he invested in things he loved—not spaces.

“Oh yeah?” She wrapped her arms lazily across his chest, embracing him from behind while he sat at the bench.

Harry’s fingers glided across the keys and played a few random chords and licks before finally producing a soft, familiar melody. Y/N absently recognized the tune and smiled fondly, hoping he could feel her grin in his hair.

“Heaven…I’m in heaven…” he sang gently, easily falling into the swinging rhythm. Y/N felt the vibrations of his voice in her own chest, heart beating wildly.

His fingers continued floating over the piano, fumbling here and there, but nonetheless impressing her with his skill. “And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak…”

“…And I seem to find the happiness I seek…” Y/N clumsily joined him in the lyrics she vaguely knew. Her voice wasn’t nearly as effortlessly harmonious as Harry’s, but was equally as joyful.

“When we're out together dancing, cheek to cheek…” They finished in unison, a final resolving chord echoing between them. Only fitting, Y/N squeezed her arms around his chest impossibly tighter and pressed her cheek to his. Warmth surged through her from where their skin met, joy following close behind.

As he sang his final piece of the night, his voice glimmered throughout the room like, well, like stardust, Y/N thought. He was a star in every sense of the word, eyes gleaming, teeth shining white, and heavenly voice brightening up the darkness of the club. His blazer glittered in the light and cast bright refractions on all the walls as he swayed to the rhythm, while the heavenly sounds of his artful scatting convinced Y/N that she was indeed in the presence of an angel.

She felt his eyes on her all the way from the stage, even in the throng of drunk patrons and busy waitresses. It was impossible not to. The weight of his gaze and the rasp of his voice surrounded her.

“Though I dream in vain...In my heart it always will remain…the stardust melody, the memory of love’s refrain.”

The memory of love’s refrain? The last chorus was overwhelming. A strident ringing overshadowed Harry’s voice in her ears. Her vision blurred, the lights and the people and the glasses blending together and fading. The stardust melody...the memory of love’s refrain...in my heart...

Suddenly, as if all her limbs had disconnected from her brain, Y/N’s hands slipped from under the tray. Prosecco spilled all over her apron in the next instant, staining the once white fabric champagne. His song, his voice, his gaze…he’d rendered her useless.

She heard Robert’s booming footsteps before she saw him. “Y/N! How many times do I have to tell you off tonight?!” His voice sounded distant in her ears. Loud and angry, but far-away...as if he were calling to her from another world.

This time, the clamor didn’t go unheard by the guests, nor by Harry. He frowned visibly and stuttered. He began to rush his goodbye speech, quickly thanking the crowd.

“That’s strike fucking three,” Robert continued shouting and flailing his hands dramatically. “Get out. I don’t want to see your face here until next week!” His harsh words drowned out Harry’s final, hasty farewell reminder to ‘treat people with kindness.’

Y/N said nothing and remained frozen in response. She stood exhausted in a puddle of alcohol and broken glass, physically unable to carry on the facade any longer. She turned on her heel, desperate to be out from under both Robert’s furious gaze and Harry’s musical spell. As she stumbled toward the exit, she felt like her legs would give out at any moment and finally crumble against the insurmountable pressure. Harry’s were just one of hundreds of pairs of eyes that lingered on her as she struggled. She paused near the door and grabbed onto the coatrack for support, blinking away tears and choking back sobs.

Harry raced over to her, swiftly maneuvering his body through the crowd confused club-goers. When he reached her, he instinctively caught her wrist in his grasp. His rings were cold and sharp against her sore skin—the contrast between the cold metal and his hot palm familiar and comforting and painful all at once.

“Are you okay?”

She replied immediately, “Yes.” Not a lie. She still had a job for now, she had a decent coat wrapped around her, she had a bed to sleep on tonight, and she was breathing. She was okay.

He was panting, voice sounding raspy and strained from overuse. A drop of sweat trickled down his forehead and he flicked it away with the back of his hand. “Are you…are you sure?”

“I want you to have this.”

“It’ll never fit me, H. Your hands are even bigger than y’head.”

He reeled back, feigning offense with a furrowed brow, but he could only move a few inches away from her on his tiny bed they were sharing.

“Fine then, meanie. I won’ give yeh the pretty little chain I got for it,” he said tauntingly.

Y/N’s heart soared as she took in his impish smirk and dopey eyes dancing with a glint of happiness. She ignored his teasing tone, choosing instead to melt over his words. Of course he’d gotten her a chain, she thought—he always thought of everything.

He stretched his arm over her, shoving his bare chest in her face. Playfully, she poked her tongue out to lick his nipple, to which he exclaimed a melodramatic “Oi! Quit tha!” And laughter fell from both their lips as he reached for the drawer in his nightstand.

He pulled back but kept her tucked close to him, leaving just enough space to dangle the chain he produced from the drawer in between them. Y/N studied his pale, nimble fingers as they worked, opening the clasp and slipping his S ring onto it. As he finished, her eyes met his once again. His hair was in his face and the early morning sunlight cast a soft shadow of a single curl over his eyelid. Still, she could make out every detail of his eyes, every vision into his thoughts and shimmering fleck of emotion.

“Are you sure you want me to wear this?” She hummed pensively, not having to look away from his eyes to know that her fingers were tracing the swallows on his collar.

“Yes, but only if you apologize for bein’ mean ta me.”

She giggled again, the sound pure and lovely—like music to his ears. “I’m very sorry,” she humored him, “I love your big head.”

“Shut up, you absolute pest.” He gently pinched the skin at her hip with one hand, and with the other, slipped the chain over her head. She beamed at him, hearts in her eyes and love in her heart.

“Now I’m with you. Always.” And with that, he hauled her into the circle of his arms—right where she belonged, the sounds of her gentle laughter muffled in his chest as the sun rose to illuminate the morning.

Of course she wasn’t okay! She hated her life and she loved Harry. How could she not? He was brilliantly talented, funny, thoughtful, and charming—but in her eyes, oblivious to her internal struggle. She didn’t belong with him. She could never belong with him! A tired, talentless, immature woman destined only to wait tables and lie for the rest of her existence. Maybe she’d marry one of the Fine Line’s patrons whose hungry eyes lingered long enough, whose hands grabbed her waist tight enough. She’d bear his children and go on hating her life and craving something more. That was her truth. No more lies.

His expensive shoes thumped on the stone behind her as he ran to follow after her outside. The lights from the sign outside the club were making his jacket glimmer and shine as he moved, even in the darkness of midnight. She turned to face him, reluctantly meeting his eyes from where he stopped a few feet away from her.

Y/N waited for him to say something else. He’d run after her, after all. And yet, he was silent aside from heavy panting echoing his exhaustion and frustration. He was opening his mouth and frantically shutting it again, desperate to say the right thing but terrified of failing—again.

She felt her heart squeeze in her chest with every second passing in tense silence. Y/N had a hundred things she wanted to say to him, but all she could come up with was: “Thanks for the show, Harry. You were brilliant.”

He furrowed his brows and shook his head, “Y/N, wait…I—”

“Good night.” Her hands trembled by her side—for more reasons that just the bitter cold, as she turned to leave. He let her go, again.

It was a long walk home.

The cobblestone streets felt achingly familiar, yet entirely foreign underneath her. The gentle click, clack of her heels against the stones, the bitter chill and the whooshing sounds of harsh wind, even the glow cast by pale moonlight against the walls of alleyways was all the same. All the same, every goddamn day.

The only difference tonight was the sticky remnants of spilled Prosecco on her skin and the agonizing force of her emotions. The words of his song lingered in her brain, invading her thoughts and inevitably slowing her pace as she stumbled over her feet. She felt heavy and wearied with the cumbersome weight of her regrets and mistakes and shortcomings and insecurities returning with her former lover. It took everything out of her to leave him again. To break her own heart again.

Y/N knew she was lucky to live alone. She didn’t have to rely on a man to support her. She had a job, she had friends, she had a comparatively good life. But she’d never be good enough for him. Without the sight of him and the feeling of his skin on hers fresh in her mind, it might’ve been possible to force the thought out of her mind.

She stepped through the door and immediately noticed how her apartment somehow felt even colder than the bitter chill outside. She shut the door, ignoring the stinging draft and peeling off her heavy coat. Even with the physical weight gone from her shoulders, her muscles still felt tense, achy, and forlorn.

She hadn’t felt this kind of pain since…since she’d left the first time.

Y/N dug around her coat pockets and her medicine cabinet for aspirin or peppermint oil or something to numb the pain. Coming up empty, she retreated to her bedroom, where her eyes fixated immediately on her nightstand.

She paused as a tear strolled down her cheek as visions of what was inside the drawer invaded her mind. She’d blocked out his memory, thrown away his t-shirts, forgotten the sound of his voice and unlearned his habits. But she couldn’t throw away this tiny piece of him. To her, it was anything but tiny. Every one of her billions of neurons told her to get rid of the damn thing, but her one aching heart wouldn’t let her. It was the one thing keeping her chained to him.

Her hand hesitated at the knob of the drawer. She felt weak, jaded, and at the mercy of her agonizing memories.

The chain lay face up at the bottom of the drawer, the S as big and clunky as its counterpart, as shiny and beautiful as its owner. The sight of it sent a tidal wave of memories through her head and a fresh stream of tears down her cheeks. God, she thought, I want him so bad.

Clutching the ring and chain to her chest, she collapsed onto her cold sheets and finally let the sobs wrack her body. His raspy voice rang in her ears, the sweet melody of Stardust sounding dissonant amid her own voice, amid her worst lie of all—the lie that haunted her memory. I don’t want you.

A harsh knock knock knock interrupted the cacophony in her mind.

Y/N’s heart skipped a beat. She leapt out of bed and furiously swiped the tears off her cheeks. She debated running to the bathroom to rinse her face, but another set of harsh knocks shooed away the thought. There’s really only one person it could be—one person who knows where she lives and knows she’d fall at his feet every single time. Her aching feet dragged her body across the cold floor to foyer. With a trembling hand, she turned the handle to her front door.

And there he was, at her doorstep in all his shining glory, as if he’d come to sweep her off her feet once again. His hair was frizzy and longer up close than it had looked onstage. The happy glint he had while in his element was absent from his eyes, now watery and pained but as big and beautiful as ever. She swore the moonlight had grown brighter as it shone on his figure, as if whatever higher power out there refused to let him exist for even a moment without a spotlight.

“Y/N, please hear me out.”

At that moment when the words fell off his lips, she’d never felt further from him—not even when he was hundreds of miles away in a city she’d never heard of singing for strangers she’d never meet. Even then, they’d be sleeping under the same stars. But with Harry right in front of her, standing at her door still clad in his glittery blazer, they were worlds apart.

“I don’t have to hear you out, H,” she whispered, the nickname slipping out before she could stop it. It tasted sweet on her tongue, but the sound of his name in her voice made her chest ache. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“I do, though. I- I…” He trailed off, looking down at his shiny black shoes as if hoping to find the words he was looking for in his reflection. “I didn’t make you feel wanted. I didn’t do enough to make you happy…to make you feel like, you belonged—belong with me.”

His speech sounded broken and clumsy. Y/N absently posited that for him, English really was a second language to music. Scatting came so easy to him. It was infinite—each note and syllable holding meaning, a line of his story, a feeling in his soul, a piece of his heart—not limited by the constraints of speech. How could he possibly find words in the English language to express how he felt about her? How he felt about himself? He sounded like he was suffocating, like he was drowning, like the stone floor was slipping out from under his feet.

Y/N could see his anguish. She recognized it. She lived it.

“You belong on the stage, Harry.” Keep your voice even, she chanted to herself, don’t let it show. That was her life. Chin up, lipstick on, hair slick, mouth shut. A constant battle between don’t lie and don’t let it show. She’d perfected the balance in the year since her relationship. But Harry, of course, managed to make all of that resolve crumble to ruins without even trying.

“I belong with you,” He told her desperately, himself not hiding any of his agony.

“No. I belong to the club. You belong to the music.”

Harry threw his head into his hands, rubbing his glossy eyes furiously. “Is it selfish of me to want both of you?!” He cried, shoving his ring-clad fingers through his curls.

Y/N’s breath hitched and she paused, not quite knowing what to say. Yes, she thought, it is selfish. You want the music, the fans, the money, the fame, and the girl. All I’ve ever wanted is you.

“Come with me,” he continued when Y/N didn’t speak. He reached both hands out as if to touch her, but seemed to think better of it and clenched his fingers into fists between them. “Come with me on tour and we can…we can—“

“I can’t.” She said evenly, desperately willing the tear in her eye to stay put, but she was exhausted.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re a superstar Harry! You’re America’s shining sweetheart! And one day you’re gonna realize that I’m not like you. I’ll only hold you back. I’m not enough for you. And I never will be.” She raised at voice at him. She knew it wasn’t fair to shout at him when she was angry with society, with herself. The metal S still clutched in her palm suddenly felt colder and heavier than before. The chain tangled in between her fingers, refusing to release its hold on her. Perhaps it was actually the other way around. Maybe all she had to do was let it go… Is this what I want? To let go again? To lie again?

“Don’t you get it Y/N! The way you see me, like…like some kind of perfect sparkling star…” He abandoned the invisible barrier between them and grabbed her cheeks between his palms, forcing her to look at him, “that’s exactly how I see you.”

The feeling of hands hot against her skin and the words leaping from his mouth like memorized lyrics ignited a supernova inside her—a familiar blazing fire of joy and guilt and love. She felt paralyzed in his grasp, unable to look away from his eyes where she swore she could see specks of gold dancing around the pools of green.

He continued after a beat, “To me, you’re the brightest goddamn thing in that shitty club! Your heart, Y/N—it’s made of gold! I love the music and I love Mitchy and I love the fame but I’d give it all up in a millisecond for you and regret absolutely nothing.”

His words strummed her heartstrings, the vibrations echoing through her chest, her lungs, her shoulders, and finally, her head. She inhaled a heavy breath, putting all her strength into staying upright and squeezing the ring to her palm. No more lies.

“I know you don’t believe me. I know you. I know you hate yourself, you lie to yourself, you think you’re not…you’re not enough…” “I know everything about you and I still love you…”

Y/N reached up and gingerly placed her hands on top of his, holding his palms against her cheeks. He silenced himself as she held the backs of his hands and moved them behind her head. She tore her eyes away from his, and stepped into him. With a strained exhale, she wrapped her own arms around his waist, the sequins on his jacket rough against her clenched fists which held his ring. The blazing symphony crescendoed inside her as she felt his arms squeeze her into his chest.

There were still so many words left unsaid, so many notes still unplayed. As Y/N cautiously stepped over the line between their worlds, she knew her insecurities would catch up with her. And Harry knew their struggle was far from over. They’d both left each other with uncertainty and guilt and longing and life like neither had never known before.

Their love was the stardust of yesterday, but the sun would rise tomorrow.

happy endings are for weenies. yes i am a weenie.

thank you for reading <3

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#harry styles one shot #harry styles x reader #harry styles writing #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x y/n #harry styles #jazz harry #my writing

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