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pshcomforts · 3 months

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➳ falling in love | psh. & pjs.

collegestudent!sunghoon x fem!reader, collegestudent!jay x fem!reader (feat. wonyoung from ive)

“i feel falling in love with all my heart”

synopsis: you and sunghoon have become distant ever since he started going out with wonyoung, allowing you to be closer with jay.

warning/content: written in third pov. angst. fluff. slight angst ending(?) not proofread. cursing. hoon’s not really in here a lot (sorry). jay ending <3 (this one kinda hurt)

comments, likes, and reposts are appreciated :)

word count: 6.7k

a/n: part one — ‘let you break my heart again’. fictional characters — dae (jungwon’s boyfriend), min-su (heeseung’s girlfriend), and ji-woo (jake’s girlfriend). the long awaited part two!!

༘˚⋆𐙚｡masterlist⋆.✧˚

current song playing: falling in love by cigarettes after sex

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

1:11 ───────|──────────── -2:53

months had passed since sunghoon and wonyoung were officially dating.

and from then on, him and y/n haven’t been the same. she’s kept a clear distance in everything, ensuring that girl code was still relevant for his girlfriend.

wonyoung was thankful for it. she didn’t need to worry about the usual girl friend waiting for the perfect moment to seize the guy.

in fact, y/n steered clear of the couple so much that sunghoon and her didn’t even talk on the daily basis anymore.

no more constant texts. no more late night calls. no more stupid inside jokes.

they’d all now been reserved for wonyoung..

and jay.

ever since the girl accidentally bursted into tears in front of him, they’ve gotten slightly closer.

and being the gentleman his parents raised him to be, jay always ensured she was okay before her class started by walking her there every day — even if his classes were across campus.

he was a change from sunghoon.

usually, hoon would tease and make fun of y/n, but with jay, he was sweet and gentle — careful, almost, with how he treated her.

it was definitely something she’d have to adjust to but she didn’t mind. the 5’11 boy was comforting to her in every way.

but even then, she did kind of miss sunghoon. he just always got her, and she always got him. it seemed like he didn’t mind the change either though, as long as he was with wonyoung, he was okay.

because he wasn’t y/n’s. he was never to begin with.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

“hey,” ji-woo snapped her fingers at y/n, who instantly shot her head up.

“hm?”

“girl are you okay? you keep spacing out..,”

y/n groaned out a sigh before planting her head on min-su’s shoulder. “i’m fine.., i’m just really tired from the last minute study session i had with jay yesterday.”

“you guys studied again?” she heard min-su muffle on the side.

“yeah, he asked so i just went along with it.”

the atmosphere became quiet after her words processed to everyone. “what..?” she asked with shifting eyes.

“doesn’t jay usually hate study sessions?” dae mumbled.

“yeah but he really needed help on his assignment, and i just happened to be there.”

the boy shifted his gaze to ji-woo once more, allowing y/n to catch on and glance at min-su with a — ‘the hell are they doing?’ — kind of look, just for her friend to snort out a laugh.

“don’t look at me, i’ve been with hee since last night.” min-su defended.

y/n nodded before looking at the other two. “why do you guys keep looking at each other like that?”

“um well.., don’t you think it’s a little suspicious that jay wanted to do a study session when he hates them?” ji-woo murmured.

“no.. we’re friends with him, he’d ask any one of us for help.”

dae grumbled a sigh of slight irritation before replying, “yeah but he asked you, y/n, when it’s been almost two years since you took that class.”

“mhm.. and didn’t you say you were kind of getting over sunghoon?” jake’s girl interrogated once more.

y/n sighed, shaking her head at her friends. min-su, who quickly caught on, spoke — “alright alright that’s enough, let her get some rest before her class starts.”

the group went on to talk about something else as y/n stayed stuck on ji-woo’s words. it was true that she was getting slightly over her crush, but that was only because she basically never saw him as much as she used to.

he was still in the friend group, but he just never felt present in her eyes anymore. the only thing they’d exchange would be a soft laugh when somebody joked, but other than that, the relationship was gone.

maybe she just missed how it was, or maybe she just missed him and his homely presence.

“y/n?? did you even hear us?” dae snapped with furrowed brows.

she lost her train of thought as she looked over to jungwon’s boyfriend, who continued to wear a worried look. “sorry.. i got distracted, what?” she murmured.

“we’re gonna go out with our men this weekend, just to a farmers market and walk around. wanna come with us? we miss you..,” ji-woo chimed in with hopeful eyes.

“i’m right here…,” the girl attempted to joke, causing light giggles to go around in the circle.

“girl we haven’t properly seen you in weeks. you’re either studying at home or you’re with jay somewhere.” min-su added in.

y/n’s stomach randomly dropped at the statement of being with jay elsewhere. her heartbeats were getting slightly heavier and her fingers were fidgeting with each other. she knew this feeling. she knew it a little too well.

“i’m not always with jay..,” she tried to deflect.

dae giggled at her state. “i swear whenever i see you on campus, jay’s beside you.”

“he’s just a comforting friend..,”

“yeah so bring him when we go out this weekend!” jake’s girlfriend beamed with a plastered grin.

it was obvious that the group was trying to get her mind off of hoon now that he was with wonyoung, but y/n had to admit, it was strange. she used to always have her ears be filled with mumbling words from them of how her and her favorite boy would get together soon.

but it was gone. that moment was gone now, and she didn’t know whether to be glad or ashamed that she was moving on a little too quick.

so instead, the girl just whipped her head to her friend. “what, so him and i could 7th wheel you three?” she shot, head already shaking in disagreement.

“well if you bring him then it won’t be 7th wheeling!” dae attempted to reason.

“is this really your guys’ way of convincing me to go when i won’t have fun?”

“what won’t be fun?” niki’s voice suddenly boomed from min-su’s behind.

y/n groaned as she found a few members taking the empty seats around the table, jay voluntarily sitting next to her. “they’re trying to make me 7th wheel on saturday, i should say no right?”

the maknae snorted out a laugh before placing his elbow onto her shoulder. “they’re really gonna torture you like that?” he mumbled in a snicker.

“right! that’s what i’m saying!”

jay chuckled, dusting niki’s arm off of his friend’s shoulder as he uttered, “why would they do that?”

“we’re trying to make her go out more!” ji-woo panned with an eye roll, causing jake to holler out laughs as he responded, “love, is it really the best way to have her go out with couples after spending weeks to get comfortable around sunghoon and wonyoung?”

“he’s got a point, babe.” jungwon commented, looking directly in dae’s eyes with sparkles. “she’ll still have fun though!” the boy tried to defend, avoiding his favorite boy’s features.

“heeseung’s not even here to make it worst but all this couple stuff with just those two is making me sick. how will i survive it being three couples?” y/n gagged, body shaking in horror.

the handsome male beside her chuckled as he gave a soft ruffle to her hair. “good luck with that, text me if you get bored.” jay suggested.

there it was again. the nervous bubbles fuming in her stomach, the eye pupils dilating after meeting eye contact. it was happening.

“don’t be surprised if your phone gets filled with my text messages.” y/n joked back, hoping that he didn’t see through her.

the male probably would’ve if sunghoon hadn’t just entered in with wonyoung linked beside one of his arms.

“who’s getting spammed?” hoon tried to beam in while taking a seat across from his old friend.

he instantly locked eyes with her but she tore her gaze away, looking at ji-woo instead. “they’re trying to make me go somewhere with them,” y/n said, trying to ignore the obvious awkward tension.

ji-woo wore a half smile as she squeezed her boyfriend’s hands out of instinct. “she should go right?” she asked to sunghoon.

the male only nodded, and y/n wasn’t sure if anyone else caught on but she found him holding back a joke that he’d usually make if they were still close.

ouch.

her head lowered once she felt her heart grip on a little tighter in her chest, each vein tingling in despair.

“you should go, y/n, you never want to go out anywhere,” she heard him say. those words were the first thing he’s ever said to her in months. and again, it was strange.

he’d usually say something along the lines of — “don’t go out, let’s just stay at my place and we’ll study” — but he wasn’t there for her anymore.

immediately, the poor girl was then reminded of the times when it’d just be the two hanging with each other. no one else, but them.

they were introverts, but they were extroverts when they were together. when one wasn’t feeling it, the other would be there just to be a comforting presence.

tears filled her eyes as she bit her lips from holding them in. it felt stupid to tear up about something like this, but she couldn’t help it. they didn’t talk anymore, and sunghoon seemed completely fine with it.

y/n was too, but she just needed time to adjust. after all, he did nothing wrong.

as she remained quiet, she felt jay nudge her with his elbow, causing her to look at him with confused eyes.

the male shifted his attention to her and watched how her beautifully glistened eyes emphasized her thoughts. he only raised his brows though, gesturing that she should respond back.

“i don’t know yet. i’m still debating,” she tried to laugh off.

once again, she avoided eye contact with sunghoon, turning to look at dae and min-su instead.

“hoonie’s right, you should go! it’ll be fun especially after working so hard, y/n!” wonyoung chimed in with a sweet smile.

‘hoonie..,’ y/n thought. ‘his nickname..,’

she looked up to the pretty girl and grinned back. in her peripheral vision, she could see the scattered exchanges from min-su to ji-woo, and then ji-woo to dae, and then dae to jungwon, and so forth.

did it hurt that she heard somebody else call him hoonie? sure, but she wasn’t gonna rampage about it.

he wasn’t hers to be acting like that in the first place.

“you’re right, wonyoung. i should go huh??” the girl immediately beamed back, causing wonyoung to agree in a charming manner. she was so gorgeous.

as the conversation continued out and others began talking as well, y/n constantly found herself looking at how hoon stayed attentive on his girlfriend. he was still that same caring boy, just not to her anymore.

“stop staring, they might catch on.” a small whisper lingered in her ear, evidently being jay’s who only chuckled afterward.

she sent a light smack to his arm. “shut up, i’m not staring that much.”

“you’re staring enough,” he joked back, letting his fingers softly nudge her cheeks.

the girl rolled her eyes as jay continued to brightly smile alongside her. “there’s too many couples here,” she mumbled to him, letting her attention stay on each couple coiled up against each other.

“i agree, wanna get out of here?”

she whipped her head in an instant. “yes please!” she harshly whispered back, causing a satisfied grin to be worn on him. “i just have to go to the restroom first.”

jay dramatically sighed — “it’s always the restroom first.”

“shut up!” y/n yelled back, giving a ruthless hit to the arm.

she swore though, that when she got up from her seat, she saw hoon flicker his gaze to her and jay. it was most likely what she wasn’t thinking, but she still caught onto it.

“actually, we’re gonna go too, wonyoung has class soon and i wanna make sure she gets there on time.” sunghoon suddenly spurted out, allowing the two to stand up as well.

the group nodded as the couple took their departure, while niki and sunoo left to their classes, leaving y/n and her three closest friends to run off to the restroom together.

as they left, jay couldn’t help but watch her disappear in his sight. something about her just eased him.

his gaze softened and he found himself smiling without even realizing it. was it happening to him too?

his heart was beating and his breathing was getting heavy at the mere thought of his friend, y/n.

“you really like her, don’t you?” jungwon immediately chimed in with a wiggle in his brows.

jay jokingly scoffed as he laughed. “i don’t like her,” he murmured. “she’s just a friend.”

“yeah a really GOOD friend,” jake added in as well, patting his friend’s back while chuckling.

as jay was about to give another remark, heeseung intruded in — “who are we talking about?”

“y/n and jay.”

“oh that he likes her?” he teased, catching on right away.

“i don’t like her,” the boy grumbled. “we’ve just gotten closer, that’s it.”

“jay.. just admit it,” one of the boys uttered.

“she’s a friend i’ve been comforting since she’s still trying to get over sunghoon, our other friend.”

jake guffawed out a laugh as he murmured, “dude, you’re so bad at lying. she’s starting to get over him because of you anyway.”

jay’s head shot up. “really?” his heart was rapidly racing now, was he really the reason why she was beginning to move on and no longer hurt?

his lips curled into a small grin as he dumbly smiled to himself.

“you definitely like her,” the oldest of them all teased.

jay shot a glare towards him before sighing in defeat. “i don’t like her but .. she’s nice to be around.” a pink tint began to hit his cheeks as he thought about y/n again.

the three boys snickered to themselves as they patted him on the back. “congrats bro, you’re in love,” jake mumbled.

while the four continued to converse, dae and the girls came back soon afterward.

“you still wanna leave?” jay asked, eyes coming into a sparkling haze.

y/n gulped. he was so handsome, and she could just stare at him all day. “yeah,” she cleared her throat. “let’s go, i have class soon.”

as she gathered her things, she found jungwon raising his brows towards jay, only to earn a downturned smile from him.

“let’s leave these people alone,” he grumbled before pulling her away.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

as the two walked around campus, wasting time, their hands constantly bumped against each others. the lingering jay had just to tangle his fingers with hers was crowding his thoughts. he just wanted to know what it was like, to experience it with her at least once.

“i like her..,” he quietly confirmed to himself. “i do…,”

“what was that, jay?” y/n looked up at him with a half smile.

“ah.. nothing. so you’re going with them on the weekend?”

“i kind of don’t want to.., should i just stay home?” she mumbled.

jay chuckled before wrapping his arm around her shoulder. “you should go, it’ll be fun!”

the change from jay and sunghoon was again, too easy to catch on, but y/n ignored it this time.

“wanna go with me??” she suddenly asked with pleading eyes.

the male’s heart stopped for a second. “you want me to go with you..?” he slowly repeated.

“mhm, go with me! so i won’t be alone.. please, jay!”

he softly chuckled as the two stopped in their tracks. “why don’t you ask niki?”

“jay.. come on, we’re closer, it’ll be more fun!”

his heart thumped, and he harshly gulped down every nerve in his body. “y/n..,”

“jay…,” she scowled back with a teasing smile. “come on!”

“you’re just gonna keep asking, aren’t you?”

“yeah so you should just say yes!”

the boy sighed to himself before finally giving in. “fine.. i’ll go.”

y/n jumped up and down in glee, hitting his arms as she yelled, “yay! i won’t be a 7th wheeler!”

jay watched her make little hops, grinning ear to ear as his pupils dilated from looking at her.

he was completely falling for her and he was okay with it. he knew she most likely still liked sunghoon though, but just for the time being, he was enjoying his personal moments with her.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

the weekend came and y/n found herself dolling up for the day sooner than she thought.

“just a day with jay.. usual stuff,” she attempted to convince herself.

as she finally checked her phone, she found text notifications from the boy.

mr. jjongtsby 🐈‍⬛:

I’m almost there, y/n

Are you reading this? I know you don’t have notifications on

I’m pulling up

y/n <33:

oh shit sorry! i’m coming out now :)

the girl rushed out of the door, giving quick goodbyes to her family members before meeting with jay.

“sorry,” she huffed. “i didn’t see your notifications until now.”

he chuckled while backing the car out. “no worries. i thought you almost forgot about our day for a second there.”

her body tensed up at his words. “our day..?”

“yeah, our day with the others.” jay mumbled, hollering out a laugh to cancel out the nervous bubble in his stomach. “ready to go through couple stuff?”

butterflies erupted in her stomach this time as she tried to play it off. “yeah.. let’s go!”

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

hours had passed since jay picked her up, and they had been completely surrounded by each others presence.

the couples were together of course, always walking side by side with arms linked together — leaving jay and y/n to walk along just as friends. her friends would occasionally try to add her into the conversations, but she knew she wasn’t fit for them, especially if they were couple-related things.

“oh isn’t this cute jakey??” she’d hear her friend sickly say, letting her become disgusted from behind.

“oh it is, love! you want it? i’ll get it for you,” jake would murmur back with a smiley face.

maybe she was just a hater, but she couldn’t stand it. then she’d hear her other friend, dae go — “wonie, let’s take a picture with this!”

and that’d only allow jungwon to squish his favorite boy’s cheeks while placing a soft kiss — “okay babe, get ready for the camera,” he’d cheekily respond.

and if that wasn’t enough, she’d already find min-su simply gathered in heeseung’s arms. the boy couldn’t stop clinging himself around her as he mumbled sweet nothings to her.

it was an appalling mess, and y/n was tired of it.

“you really hate seeing them be happy?” jay chimed, teeth fully on display to show his wide grin.

she softly nudged him as she shook her head. “i don’t hate it, but it’s just a little gross…,” the girl replied.

“you signed yourself up for this, you know?”

“jay..,” y/n scowled, sending him a faint glare.

he only smiled at that before backing off. “fine fine, but you know i’m right.”

she playfully rolled her eyes, pushing his shoulder back as she walked a little slower than her friends.

“alright come on grumpy pants, let’s catch up with them.” he mumbled, dragging her away with a slight grip to the wrist.

the two caught up with everyone else who stopped at a bracelet stand.

“baby, let’s get this one.” min-su uttered to her boyfriend who was already reaching for the same purple band as her. “i already knew what color,” he whispered against her, causing a flush color to form on her cheeks.

jake turned to ji-woo as well, letting his eyes sparkle to display his puppy look before mumbling, “what about this one, love? it’s our color.” his hands held a similar pattern to the other bracelet but in green, causing his girl to excitedly squeal — “it’s so us, jake!”

while the other two couples situated themselves, dae and jungwon were already exchanging each others similarly colored bracelets — which were navy blue of course.

“wonie, this color matches us right? i wanted purple but min-su and hee already got it..,” he softly pouted.

won only grinned, making dents in his cheeks for his dimples as he replied, “of course babe. anything matches you because you’re perfect.”

y/n heard her friend giggle like crazy, and all she could do was send a stank eye that wasn’t caught on by anyone else but jay, earning a quiet chuckle from him.

perhaps if the girl was in a relationship like her friends, she’d get it, but she wasn’t. she was the last single friend left.

so as she watched her friends create core memories with their partners from behind, she scanned through each colored bracelet as well — eyes searching for a color she may find fond.

however, the only color that she could see herself wearing was the black one. it was simple, but it had its unique features sticking out to her in the best way possible.

y/n picked it up, contemplating whether or not she should get it. “no one to match with.. but it’s pretty, so i guess.” she reasoned, going to the owner to pay afterward.

it was set in her mind that no one could possibly care to match with her, but jay was willing to. the girl didn’t catch onto the fact that he was secretly observing her.

he was just being discreet, watching to see which colored bracelet she’d choose so he didn’t get the wrong one.

as soon as she picked up the black one, his hands snatched the other free bracelet, causing him to catch a glimpse of the other owner who only beamed a confused look in why he had to seize it like that.

he apologetically smiled before approaching where his new found crush was at.

“cash or card?” the owner asked.

as y/n was about to speak, jay quickly intruded in. “card, i’ll pay.” he beamed with a dazzling smile towards her.

“what?? you’re gonna pay? you don’t have to-“

“too late, it’s yours now, wear it.” jay assured back, flashing another grin before handing her the bracelet.

y/n’s heart fluttered at his kind gesture. he was just being a friend but even then, it was still doing something to her.

“thanks jay.. that was really sweet.”

the male chuckled as he wrapped his own bracelet around his wrist. “don’t mention it, you deserve to be treated this way,” he mumbled with a nervous laugh.

“i do..,” she said under her breath.

it was changing, everything was changing. the clear picture was starting to change from sunghoon and she wasn’t hating it.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

about an hour had passed and the night was soon ending for the group.

“do we have to go already?” ji-woo pouted.

“yes, love, we’re exhuasted.” jake replied, chuckling as he wrapped his arms behind her.

dae sighed on the side. “well we can always stay out just for a little longer..,”

“you know you’re tired, baby, let’s get some rest hm?” won squeezed his boyfriend’s hands, resting on his shoulder as his eyes were glued shut.

heeseung and min-su didn’t bother to chime in. the two were simply already shutting down from all the walking and constant stops.

“i’m tired too!” y/n added on. “what about you jay?”

“i’m pretty beat, but i should take you home soon.”

“now?”

“mhm, let’s go.” jay quickly confirmed, quietly acknowledging her social battery running out.

the two left with little waves of goodbyes to their friends before they reached his car.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

the car ride was quiet through it all. normally, jay loved to go through a highlighted series of what happened best today, but y/n was quiet — indicating that she’d honestly rather stay silent for the time being.

the girl was an introvert, and he was understanding of that, so he only let slow music softly boom in the car as he drove.

it was a change from his old relationships but he didn’t mind it. he knew she was the kind of girl who just wanted peace and quiet at times, and this was it.

when they finally arrived to her place, jay lowered the music and was about to turn to y/n, only to find her plopping her head against his shoulder.

“y/n..?” he tried to call in a low voice. “are you asleep?”

the male waited for a response but got none back whatsoever, allowing him to conclude that she, indeed, was knocked out.

quiet snores left her mouth as she muzzled her head further onto his shoulder. she was comfortably situated, and he loved that she could always just confide into him for that kind of thing.

“cute,” he murmured to himself, beaming a soft grin that displayed his thumping heart for her.

jay parked the car, allowing her to sleep for a few minutes before she woke up out of fear and confusion.

“we’re already here?” y/n grumbled, eyes peeking around the windshield with a groggy expression.

she heard him give a quiet laugh that immediately erupted a mount of butterflies in her stomah as he replied, “yeah but i wanted you to sleep a little, you were really tired.”

“thanks,” she sighed. “today was really fun with you.”

“back at you, get home safe okay?”

“you too,” the girl bunked her wrist against his, causing her to look down at the jingle her bracelet made with his accessory.

then she found it. the matching black bracelet he bought. her heart dropped to her stomach but in a good way.

she had basically confirmed that he was thinking of her in the way she was second guessing.

“your bracelet..?” she uttered out of instinct.

jay tensed up. the instant thought of how awkward it’d be if she didn’t feel the same quickly stole his attention. he was scared and lost, which only caused him to harshly pull his wrist away from her electrifying touch.

“yeah, i like the color,” he bluntly replied with a clear throat.

she smiled, blood rushing to her cheeks as she said, “hey it’s just like-“

“don’t you have to go home?” he harshly cut her off. regret immediately took form on his face once he realized how rude he sounded.

he hated that he was sounding like this because it wasn’t him. he was gentle and reassuring, not cold hearted.

y/n didn’t know how to react though. one minute he’s sweet, and the next he’s cruelly blunt. ‘but maybe it was just from exhaustion,’ she thought to herself before nodding, trying to seem unfazed as she only reached out for the door.

jay wanted to stop and apologize, but he also felt like a creep with getting a matching bracelet without her consent. it wasn’t creepy-like but he was just overthinking it.

as the girl waved goodbye with an attempted smile to ensure everything was okay, jay only pressed his lips into a firm line out of humiliation. he’d like to leave the scene and get rid of the embarrassing moment, but he had to make sure she got in safely.

so when she did, he instantly drove away with a head shake.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

a few weeks were now hitting the mark of when they’d gone out with the couples, and y/n wasn’t sure if it was just her, but she felt a wavering distance between her and jay.

it was panicking her. she already lost sunghoon and she now might be losing jay.

to be quite honest though, her mind was already off of hoon. she didn’t notice him as much anymore, and it was clear that her mind was beginning to render him out.

it was jay that kept her up at night now, from the late night ‘what if’s’ to the stupid sleeping scenarios. it was him, and no longer sunghoon.

it was him who was always there for her, and she realized it once he kept a distance.

she hated it. normally, she’d be the one who’d avoid but she missed talking to him. she missed how he’d light up her day just by simply being near her. she missed him.

whenever the group would sit at a table, jay never chose to sit next to her anymore. he’d either force himself next to niki or he’d just sit next to one of the couples.

‘did i do something wrong?’ she’d constantly think.

but it wasn’t her fault, not at all. jay was just too embarrassed to face her after the bracelet incident. it wasn’t that big of a deal, but he hated how he acted. so until he could normally talk to her again, he was avoiding every interaction possible.

“hey,” dae called to y/n. “are you leaving to class soon?”

“yeah, i have a few minutes left. why? you want me gone?” she joked back with a brow raise.

the boy rolled his eyes as little giggles left the others mouths. “well no, i was just asking!”

y/n laughed as well before checking her phone. “yeah just like two more minutes and then i’ll start walking.”

“you’re done at 3, right?” sunoo asked.

“yep, i’ll walk back to you guys around that time.” she checked her phone again and grumbled out a sigh. “i guess it’s time to go..,”

the girl stood up from the table and sadly waved her goodbyes.

“go with her dude,” heeseung mumbled to jay.

the younger shot his head up. “what??”

“you always walk her, why aren’t you walking her?” jake chimed in with a harsh whisper.

“it’s just a little awkward after.. you know..,”

“that doesn’t give you a reason to not make sure she’s safe though. you know you’ll still walk her,” sunoo scowled.

the boy defeatedly sighed, knowing that his friend was right before tossing his bag over his shoulder and catching up to y/n.

as she walked, she felt her bag be taken off of her shoulders, causing her to look up at the person.

“oh you’re walking me again?”

“mhm,” he only responded.

y/n pressed her lips into a thin line that highlighted the awkward tension. she didn’t know what to say since he was unresponsive, but she couldn’t have it this way.

“jay?”

“hm?”

the girl softly gripped his wrist to stop him from walking, pulling him to the side where no other students could see them.

“why can’t you look me in the eyes?” her brows were slightly furrowed now and she crossed her arms.

“what? what are you talking about?” jay attempted to deny. “i can look you in the eyes.”

what a liar.

a puff of air left her mouth as she slightly ridiculed him. he was saying that, but he wasn’t even meeting her gaze.

y/n rolled her eyes before closing the gap between them. her hands firmly held his jaw, squishing his cheeks and forcing him to lock eyes. her head tilted as she tried to figure him out. she normally wasn’t this confident in getting a man to look at her, but for jay, she had to know.

on the other hand, the male was flustered. he felt his heart doing somersaults with how abrupt she suddenly was in doing something like this. he knew she wasn’t the ‘go for it’ type of girl, so for her to have confidence like this was melting him on the spot.

“look me in the eyes, jongseong.” she murmured, causing a light laugh to burst out of him.

y/n reflected the smile back before huffing out a sigh again. “i’m serious, look me in the eyes. are you okay? what’s wrong? are you feeling sick or something?” her hands that held his cheeks immediately started feeling his forehead for a possible heat temperature.

it wasn’t doing well for jay though that his favorite girl was putting her hands around his face. his breathing was getting heavier and his sight was blurring with her soft touches.

he closed his eyes, calming himself down before holding her wrist to stop at his cheeks.

the girl cocked her head to the side again, hearing him softly sigh as he murmured, “just keep it there, it’s making me feel better” — leaving a subtle kiss at the palm of her hands.

this time, it was her heart beating like crazy now. her hands were slightly shaking, but his hold was reassuring in every way.

“so you are sick..?” she uttered, causing a gentle laugh to leave his throat.

“something like that..,”

“jay-“

“i’m sorry for avoiding you. i’m sorry, it wasn’t right of me but i was just feeling embarrassed.” he quickly communicated.

y/n’s eyes softened at his apology. “what are you sorry for? you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“it was just embarrassing that i got a matching bracelet with you without even asking,” he clarified, scratching his head with an awkward laugh.

her heart melted at his sweet manner. even when he was trying to avoid her, he couldn’t.

“you know you could’ve just asked, jongseong,” she teased. “i would’ve said yes to matching with you.”

jay beamed an apologetic smile before turning his gaze down to their feet. “i thought you wouldn’t have wanted to.. especially since…,”

“since?”

“since you still like sunghoon..,” his heart blew out a sigh at the possibility of her still liking their friend.

his attention continued to stay lowered at their feet, and y/n only watched him try to hide his soft pout away, fluttering her stomach with butterflies once more.

“jongseong..,” she called, knees bending down so she could find his gaze from below.

the male chuckled at her act before replying, “stop using my government name.”

“why not.. jongseong?” she teased back.

“what were you gonna say?” jay murmured, ignoring her teasings but secretly liking it.

y/n giggled, clearing her throat as she responded, “do you think i still like sunghoon?”

his heart dropped to his stomach again. he hated this queasy feeling but he couldn’t stop her if it was how she felt. “don’t you..?” he murmured back to her.

the girl saw how he subtly pushed himself away from her, causing her to sigh and hold his cheeks.

“i like you, jay.”

“w..what? you what?” he flustered.

y/n grinned ear to ear. “i said i like you.. jongseong.”

she felt his cheeks heat up with a tint of red, allowing him to cheekily smile in embarrassment.

“one more time,” he murmured.

she exasperated a sigh before pulling his face towards her. immediately, a soft kiss was planted onto each others lips. it was only a peck though, the girl wasn’t confident enough yet.

jay’s lips coiled into a smile as she said, “does that show it better?”

“i think we gotta try again.”

the boy crashed his lips against hers, holding her gently with one hand at the jaw and the other at the waist. his heart was melting with every second he stayed glued to her.

y/n found her hands to be in his hair, dangling itself into his silk strands that caused soft shivers down his spine.

jay smiled into the kiss, lips curling from the sweet sensations he was receiving from his girl, allowing her to smile into it as well.

once she felt out of breath, she pulled away, only to be littered with soft pecks on her lips.

“you’re gonna be late for class, you know?” he murmured against her skin.

the girl giggled before sweetly nudging his head away. “that’s okay, we can ditch again.” she uttered in reminisce.

“are we gonna do something better than study?”

“yeah, like a date?” she impulsively spoke.

jay’s ears perked up with a hue of red colored at the tips. “you’re confident right now.. i like this side of you.”

“you make me confident,” y/n replied, blood rushing to her cheeks even more.

and it was then that it hit her. she always knew why sunghoon matched wonyoung — she brought the best out of him, and now the girl had found that. she had found her match with jay.

“will you still be confident during the date?” he challenged with his infamous smirk.

“guess you’ll just have to take me out and we’ll see.”

“let’s go then.. darling.”

oh?

her heart instantly fluttered at the new name call. “darling?” she whispered, breaths getting heavy.

“cat got your tongue now?” jay murmured as he kissed her cheeks.

“shut up.. let’s go, jongseong.” she rolled her eyes, causing a deep chuckle to be heard from him.

usually, she’d call her crush ‘loser’ and even though she wasn’t in love with sunghoon anymore, it still felt unusual for her to call jay something that’d been reserved for him.

but it didn’t matter anymore. hoon was no longer on her mind.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

about a month or two had gone by and ever since then, jay and y/n were going strong together.

he still walked her to class and ensured her safety came first like he usually did, but this time, he voluntarily left to the car first so he could minimize her walking.

y/n was left alone, sitting on the cemented seat as she texted her friends.

“this seat taken?” a husk and familiar voice asked from behind.

almost instantly, her heart softly sank. it was sunghoon.

she hadn’t talked to him in months, better yet, seen him in some months. ever since she got with jay, he was just never around anymore.

“hoon?” she murmured. that nickname made both of their hearts thump.

it wasn’t in a way of loving each other, but more so of missing each other. they used to be close friends after all.

sunghoon softly grinned as she shook her head ‘no’ to his question, allowing him to sit beside her.

it was awkward. they used to be friends and now, they can’t even talk to each other.

the two were introverts, but they couldn’t find it in themselves to be extroverts with each other again.

“so you and jay?” hoon suddenly uttered.

“yeah.. we just got close after you and wonyoung started dating.”

“yeah i noticed..,”

his mumble was almost incoherent to her, but she still turned to look at him. “what?”

“nothing..,” he awkwardly chuckled. “i’m happy for you though y/n. he’s a great guy.”

“yeah he is.. but thanks —” she paused for a second, “— loser.”

sunghoon softly laughed at the familiar name call. he hadn’t heard that from her in months and it was comforting in some kind of way.

“i’m happy for you too, sunghoon. let’s try and make our relationships last,” y/n joked, causing the two to cackle out quiet laughs.

as he was about to say more, jay suddenly pulled up to the curb, hinting that it was time for her to go.

she waved hoon goodbye as she got into the car and drove off.

the male kept his gaze down once they were out of his sight. that was the most they’ve talked in months, and it’d honestly probably be the last.

he sighed as he wore a small smile. she left too soon for him to even mention how much he missed her, how much he missed everything — their jokes, their talks, their teasings.

they used to always talk about everything and be each others comfort but things were different now.

he was happy in his relationship with wonyoung, but he just missed y/n as a friend.

sunghoon let out another soft sigh while thinking back to the heartwarming memories. “miss you.. loser.” he mumbled to himself, giving a faint grin at his thoughts.

the male stayed stuck on how they used to be until a notification shifted his attention. it was a text from wonyoung, telling where she’d be and how they should meet for another study date.

he smiled before immediately texting back and leaving the scene.

and there it was.

sunghoon and y/n went their separate ways, falling in love with someone else who wasn’t their mirrored self, someone who brought the best in them.

★・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・★

taglist: @firstclassjaylee @dimplewonie @baevsxii <3

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mothdruid · 9 months

Text

First Session

synopsis.

your first session at Gym Bloom has come. and the first trainer you get to meet? everyone's favorite and the beloved, Jake S.

pairing.

jake 'hangman' seresin x afab!reader

word count.

warnings.

this is an 18+ work, minors buzz off. smut, protected penetrative sex, vaginal fingering, a sex gym (so maybe paying for sex?), fucking your trainer

author's note.

it's here!! the first gym bloom one-shot! i hope you all love it!

“Wait, so your first session is today?” Steph sounded surprised.

“Yeah,” you pulled a purple sports bra from your dresser, “why?”

“Oh my god, who is your first trainer?”

You rolled your eyes at Steph's eagerness. Ever since getting you to join this gym she has been eager. She wanted to know everything, even though you barely knew yourself. All you knew was that they used sex to workout at this gym. Steph knew that too, she was to one who referred you. Which is how you knew it was safe, referral only. You could only sign up if you got a referral from someone you knew. And from your understanding, not everyone was actually allowed to refer people to sign up. So, you were counting yourself lucky to even be a part of this at all.

“I’m not sure, let me put my bra on and then I’ll look at the email.”

First you tapped your speaker phone on, then wrestled your sports bra on over your head. After checking to make sure that your sports bra and legging combo looked okay, you grabbed your phone. Steph was going on and on about a few different trainers. A Mickey, a Bob, a Nat, and others that you eventually tuned out for now. You went to your starred emails, clicking the one at the very top. You skimmed over the email, eventually finding the name.

“It’s Jake S,” eyeing the rest of the email, confirming the other general information of your session. You squinted as you noticed two lock codes.

“No way! How did you get so lucky?” Steph's tone had you pulling the phone back from you a little farther.

“Steph, calm down.”

“No, you don’t get it. That’s one of Blooms best trainers, a real treat if you ask me, or at least that’s what I’ve heard. I’ve actually never trained with him before.”

Oh?

“Never?” You questioned with a playful tone.

“Never.” Steph sing-songed back to you.

A smirk formed on your face.

“Well, I’ll make sure to update you about it,” you turned your speaker phone off, slipping the phone between your cheek and should as you head to the front door.

“Please do, I will have to know everything about it.”

“Oh, Steph, gross,” you slipped your tennis shoes on, not bothering to untie them first.

“What? I’m a woman, I have needs, and this need just happens to be knowing what Jake’s di-”

“Nope, Nope, I’m hanging up now!” You hung up quickly, not wanting to hear the rest of Steph's words.

After tracking down a baggy zip up hoodie, zipping it up only half way. You found your small side bag, checking to make sure your keys and wallet were in there. After you doubled checked, you grab your keys from your bag and slip your phone in your hoodie pocket. You locked your apartment door then headed down the stairs of your building. The place wasn’t fair from your apartment, maybe a fifteen minute walk on a bad day.

When you got to the building, you double checked the address after not seeing any obvious branding outside. After deciding it was indeed the correct building, you punched in the first code. A delightful chime played, signaling it was the correct code and unlocked. The hallway was short, but you noticed another keypad on the next door. You got another delightful chime after putting in the second code, finally letting you into the gym.

It was a very welcoming space. Bright colors complimented by neutrals to even it all out. There were ellipticals, treadmills, bikes, and many other machines neatly placed throughout the main open area. There were people using the machines, some others were chit chatting happily. There was a section of the gym that had a lot of doors, two closed and three open. You assumed those were the ‘training’ rooms.

“Hello!”

There was a gorgeous woman behind a short counter greeting you. Her skin was tan, dark brown hair pulled into a loose low ponytail. She had a matching pastel pink legging and sports bra set on. Your heart fluttered a little bit when she smiled at you. It was as if an angel was gracing you with their presence.

“Hi,” you awkwardly said.

“Do you have a session today?” She asked.

“Yeah, a two forty-five with Jake S.”

“You must be the new client,” she offered her hand out over the counter, “my name is Natasha. I’m one of the other trainers here.”

“Thank you, I’m glad to meet you,” you shook her hand, trying to match her smile and energy.

“So, I’ll check you in so Jake knows you’re here. For now you can go get a little bit of a warm up on a treadmill or elliptical, whatever you prefer. There are also locker rooms before the Bloom Rooms. Jake will come get you when he is ready.” Natasha smiled, marking something in the computer before looking back up at you.

“Okay, thank you,” you hated how awkward you were being.

“It’s my pleasure,” a sultry tone was laced into her words.

Heat flared in your cheeks. You nodded then turned, briskly walking towards the locker rooms. After entering the female locker room, you quickly placed your bag and hoodie into a locker. You kept your phone in the pocket of your leggings, not wanting to be completely bare without it. You found your way back to a treadmill, starting it up at a low pace. It was maybe five minutes before someone came up next to you, tapping your shoulder to grab your attention.

He looked like a living ken doll. Square jaw, blonde hair, green eyes, and fucking built. If this was the magical Jake S, you now understood what Steph was going on about. His biceps were hard to ignore, every minuscule movement noticeable. The black sleeveless shirt was hugging his torso and abdomen, not leaving anything to the imagination. You stopped your eyes from traveling lower, wanting to leave at least something to the imagination. At least for the time being.

“Nat says you’re my new client.”

A Texan drawl? Could he get anymore intoxicating?

“That’s me,” you hit the stop button, coming to a slow stop.

Jake came around the side to met you when you got off the treadmill. He offered you his hand for the small step down. It was surprising how soft his hand were despite the callous’.

“Let’s get headed to a room, I’ll explain more in there.” Jake said. His hand let go of yours, finding the small of your back as you headed to the room. He directed you into one of the ‘Bloom Rooms’.

The walls were covered in a soft pink color with forest green floral. One wall was an entire mirror, a rail for balance along the entire mirror. There were balance balls, cubes, wedges, a Bosu ball, and many other items along the wall. A nice dresser was along the same wall, a nice vase with flowers sat on top. You watched Jake close the door in the reflection of the mirror.

“So, how does this,” you motioned around the room, “work?”

“Well, I’ll direct you on what to do. Positions, reps, stretches, all the technical stuff.” Jake explained it so plainly, making you wonder if there was a catch.

“What do I do then? Besides listen and get fucked?”

“Oh no, sweetheart. I’m not goin’ to fuck you, you’re goin’ to fuck me.”

A smile was plastered on his face. Heat encapsulated your entire body, every nerve ending on fire from his words. No wonder he was a favorite, especially with this demeanor. You shifted your weight on your feet, crossing your arms before speaking.

“What’s the plan?”

“Well, today is going to be a leg day. You will be riding me in a squat-like position, working your glutes, quads, hamstrings, along with many other muscle groups. Since it’s your first workout here, I won’t make it too intense. But that’ll also depend on how much you can take.”

“How much I can take?” You asked in a surprised tone.

“Yes,” Jake brought a hand to the back of his neck, “everyone is different.” Jake stared at you for a moment, then clapped his hands together and took a few steps forward. “Let’s get started with some stretching.”

Jake strode over towards the wall with many items, retrieving some yoga mats, one for the both of you. You met in the middle of the room, taking the mat from him. You two laid your mats out, leaving a decent space in between them. You watched as Jake toed his shoes off, following suit before sitting on your mat.

“On your back, I’ll help you stretch.”

You nodded, laying on your back and watching Jake move towards you. His green eyes were raking over you, observing all of your movements. Jake had you prop your knees up. The soles of your feet were flat on the mat, Jake’s thumb hooked underneath your knees. His eyes were locked with yours, gaze not wavering.

“Let me know if anything is too much or not okay.”

You nodded.

Jake started to ease your knees towards your chest, folding you in half. You could feel the backs of your thighs and glutes being stretched. Jake’s body was impossibly close to yours already, his crotch was almost pressed to your ass. Heat was radiating from his body, covering yours entirely. Your knees were practically pressed into your chest, cheeks hot, his gaze making you burn.

“Is it okay if I open your legs up?” His grip on the back of your thighs was making it hard to focus.

“I- yeah, that’s okay.”

Jake nodded, hands adjusting to under your knees. His gently eased your legs out, keeping them bent at the knee. You brought a hand up to your mouth, pressing the back of it against your lips. It had become so sensual so quick. His crotch was now unbelievably close to your clothed cunt. All he would have to do is roll his hips and he would be pressing against you.

“I’m goin’ to move one leg up to stretch your calf,” he informed you.

You nodded, relaxing all the muscles in your legs. His right hand moved to the ankle of your left leg, extending it up inch by inch. You could feel all the muscles along the back of your leg stretch. He placed your ankle on his shoulder, keeping your leg propped up. The stretch felt euphoric along the back of your leg. An audible gasp escaped you, catching Jake’s attention.

“Feel good?” His voice had dropped a little this time.

“Yeah,” it almost came out as a whimper.

After a moment with one leg propped up, he switched to your other leg. A thin layer of sweat was already starting to form on you. It was hard to avoid with Jake being this close to you, practically folding you in half with his body. His firm muscles pressing onto your own, his weight barring down on you more and more. Not after long he released both legs, guiding them down on either side of him.

“Let’s get your back next,” he said while moving back to his own mat.

You sat up, following his movements. He got on his hands and knees, pushing his back out then letting it drop into an arch. You mimicked the movements, muscles in your back alternating between taut and loose.

“Nice, right?” Jake looked over at you, a smile on his lips.

“Yeah, never realized what all these motions stretched.” You added.

“Everything stretches something. You’d be surprised at what all sex stretches out,” his smile turned into a cheeky smirk.

“Well,” you hesitated for a moment, “I’m excited I get to find out.”

Jake showed you a few more stretches, legs primarily. Soon the two of you were sat across from each other. You were waiting patiently for what was next to come, a tinge of excitement running through you. Jake leaned back, palms flat on the floor keeping him up right. He had one leg casually stretched out, the other bent close to his body.

“We can start this two different ways. One, we start with a little bit of foreplay and massage work, or two, you take the lead and do whatever you want.”

“What do most people choose?”

Jake gave you this look, one that said ‘really?’. A shrug tugged on your shoulders, not sure why he gave you the look. He let out a noise that sounded like a chuckle mixed with a sigh.

“Are we really gonna play that game?” Jake’s look had a small amount of playful annoyance in his gaze.

“What?” Embarrassment started to creep into you, not sure about the next steps.

Jake’s words weren’t really comforting either. He was nice but there was this bite to him. A playful energy that was hard to read sometimes. You pulled both of your legs closer to you, soles of your feet planted on the floor. Again, you mimicked him.

As you were leaning back onto your palms, Jake was starting to move towards you. He got up on his knees, closing the small space between the two of your mats. It was like watching a cat play with its food. Inch by inch the gap between you closed. Your legs spread open, allowing room for him to move between them. He reached out to your jaw, cupping it while his thumb rubbed a part of your cheek. There was something playful in his green eyes. A smile covered his lips as he leaned in, lips next to your ear.

“This is about you, not anyone else,” the words were hot against your ear lobe.

Without a second thought you grabbed him, hand wrapping around the back of his neck, fingers threading up through his well trimmed hair. Soft lips melded with yours, dancing in synchronicity. A smile formed on his lips as he kissed you, slowly working you down onto your mat. Hands roamed up and down your sides, snaking down to cup your ass. His chest was pressed to yours as his hips started to slowly rock against yours.

“Does this count as a massage?” It was cheeky, but you couldn’t help yourself.

“Full body if you ask me,” Jake nipped at your neck, trailing kisses down your skin.

He pulled back for a moment, hand moving from your ass to your chest. Even though your sports bra was tight, your nipples were starting to become visible through the material. A whimper left you as he started kneading your breast, thumb occasionally coming up to run over your nipple. You arched your back and relaxed, pressing your breast tightly into his hand. You heard a snicker come from Jake.

“What?”

“Most clients aren’t this pliant when they come in.” Jake said, tilting his head as a gesture towards your body.

A moan left you as he rolled your nipple between his thumb and forefinger. A smirk was plastered on his face now. You knew it wasn’t personal, but you took it personally. You hooked a leg around his waist, and put all your weight into it. A huff was all Jake let out as you flipped the two of you. You were straddling his hips now, ass pressing tightly to his crotch.

“That’s better,” Jake quipped, enjoying his view of you on top of him.

Slightly calloused hands traveled your sides, kneading your flesh every now and then. You kept rolling your hips down against his, sighing at the pressure. His dick had started to harden, becoming obvious as it pressed against your ass. As much as you wanted to just fuck, you had to remind yourself of the actual reason you were here.

“So, do I just ride you or..?” It was an honest question.

“Normally, we have a female client get off once prior to a penetrative workout. We like to make sure that they are ready to take whatever the trainer gives them.” Jake raised his eyebrows playfully at the last sentence.

Thumbs hooked into your leggings. You helped him take them off you, removing your underwear in the process too. Jake immediately noticed how wet you were, looking at the wet patch on your panties as he slipped them off you. Those calloused hands pulled you back into his lap, sitting up to meet you. Your hands gripped his shoulders, tugging at the fabric of his workout top. Fingers moved towards your cunt, finding your clit quickly.

It was obvious he did this regularly, knowing almost the exact motions to get you going. The sturdiness of his body kept you up right, his free arm wrapping around your back to keep you close. Wet kisses were littered all over your skin. The fabric of his shirt balled up in your fists. The hot breath on your skin was starting to be overstimulating. It was all so much at once. A hot trainer fingering your while leaving wet trails of saliva on your chest was not what you were completely expecting from today.

Jake changed the motion of his fingers in the slightest, making your body quiver into his. You weren’t sure exactly what he did different, but whatever it was made you feral. Your legs had started shaking, body slumping closer to his. You could feel the curve of his lips, that classic smirk appearing again. Within moments you were coming.

A whine was all you let out. You didn’t even pick up on Jake’s own heavy breathing. The arm around your back tightened, keeping you close to him. He bit back a groan as he felt you quiver against him, his fingers not stopping their motions on your clit. Your hands tugged at his shirt viciously, hips not being able to control themselves. Jake hadn’t expected you to have such an intoxicating effect on him. But he couldn’t get enough, deciding he was in fact going to fuck you himself.

“Jake!”

And with that his fingers were gone.

“Change of plans, I’m gonna fuck you.” Jake pressed a kiss to your cheek.

Jake laid your body down, sitting up for a moment to take his shirt off. You marveled at his body, reaching out to ghost your hand over his abs. He reached in his pocket and grabbed a condom. Your hand trailed down to the top of his shorts and boxers, helping him ease them down. He took them off, haphazardly tossing them somewhere off to the side.

Finally, all the puzzle pieces had snapped into place, showing you the complete picture of why he was one of the most sought after trainers. His cock was fucking gorgeous, just like the rest of him. His dick was already making your cunt yearn, wanting to feel the stretch it was going to give you. He tore the condom packet and rolled it down his length. Even though you knew it was what needed to be done, a part of you wished he could fuck you raw.

Jake’s hands grabbed your legs, placing your ankles on his shoulders, then slowly easing them out. His hands were lightly holding the outside of your thighs, holding them in a wide V shape. The head of his cock prodded your entrance, your cunt clenched with anticipation. A breathy moan left you when he pressed into you. The stretch was everything you were hoping it’d be, maybe even a little bit more.

“You feel better than I anticipated,” Jake’s words were breathy, chest rising and falling with each breath.

All you did was clench around him, watching as he closed his eyes tightly. You felt him pull out, only to push back in with a groan. A moan fell from you as he repeated the action. He found a decent rhythm, nailing into you while keeping your legs in the wide V. Your hands fumbled around your body, grabbing at your sports bra clad chest. The tight material bunched under your grasp. Your finger started to slip under the top of your sports bra, pulling it down to show your tits to Jake.

“Hold your legs still,” Jake commanded.

“Yes sir,” your words slurred with pleasure already.

Jake groaned at the name. His hands moved from your legs and up your body. Calloused hands removed yours then tugged on your sports bra. The material became tight against your skin, straps digging in until they started rolling off your shoulders. Your sports bra was holding your arms next to your body, leaving you restricted. Jake’s hands engulfed your tits as he fucked into you. You planted your hands next to your hips, pushing your tits out for Jake.

The backs and insides of your thighs were starting to burn. Jake’s thrusts were starting to make holding them up hard. Each thrust felt more powerful than the last. Once he found that sensitive spot inside of you, you whined. You tried to close your legs, both of them burning from the position you had held them in. Jake’s hands left your chest, grabbing your legs and forcing them back out into the wide V position.

“Legs out.” Jake commanded.

You hesitantly put your legs back out, holding them in place as they started to shake. With every thrust you felt a surge of pleasure. There was a burning that started to develop in your abdomen, a mixture of pleasure and tightness. You knew that a majority of the burning was because of the ‘workout’ aspect of this situation. Your legs were on fire, all while your nerves were starting to sear themselves with pleasure.

“That’s it, I know you can feel it,” Jake said, wide grin on his face.

One of his hands moved down between your legs, thumb circling your clit. Within the matter of seconds you were coming again, cunt clenched tightly around Jake. Your legs were starting to shake uncontrollably, your body becoming way too sensitive to the pleasure. Jake grabbed your legs quickly, wrapping them around his hips now as he fucked into you. He only lasted a few more thrusts before coming, filling the condom while inside of you.

Heavy breathing filled the room, both of you trying to catch your breath. Jake placed an forearm by your head, balancing himself as he looked at you. There was something soft in his eyes. He reached down and ran his thumb over your cheek. His thumb traveled further, down your neck and eventually his hand cascaded down your neck and chest. His hand stopped over your left tit. Your heart was hammering against your rib cage, Jake feeling it flutter in your chest.

Jake kissed your forehead as he pulled out. A moan leaving you at the sensation, now feeling empty inside. Your legs felt like jello, falling down from around his waist. Jake retracted from your body, stood up and moved towards the trash can in the room. You slowly and awkwardly pulled the straps of your bra up, adjusted them and sat up the best you could. Jake threw the condom away then headed back towards you.

“You good?” Jake asked.

“Yeah,” you grabbed your underwear and leggings.

The both of you got dressed before talking again.

“Sorry, about the change up for the session.” Jake slipped his shirt over his head.

“So, you’re telling me you don’t do that with all of your clients?” You joked, chuckling a little.

Jake smirked, shaking his head no.

“No, only the special clients get that treatment,” Jake held a hand out to you.

“Special? After our first session?” You accepted his hand, standing up with his assistance.

All Jake did was nod, not knowing exactly what to say. The two of you stared at each other for a moment. That soft look in his eyes had spread to the rest of his face. You gave him the same look, understanding that there was just now this unspoken thing between the two of you.

“There’s just something about you,” Jake finally said, “and I hope that the other trainers here get to experience it.”

A heat built up in you from the compliment. It was one of the most special compliments you had ever received.

“Until next time?” God, you were hoping there would be a next time.

Jake nodded with a smile.

“Until next time.”

#jake seresin #jake hangman seresin #hangman #jake seresin smut #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin x f!reader #jake seresin x afab!reader #hangman x reader #gym bloom

681 notes · View notes

pit-and-the-pen · 10 days

Text

Three- Eris

I love this song and it is so Eris coded to me. This is apart of my mini-series inspired by this album

Listen to the song here: Three (i could not get the mini player to work, so if you know how to pretty please let me know)

Warnings: Angst, minor injury to reader (burn), self-deprecating thoughts (eris to himself)

WC:

Finally catching up. For the first time I see an image of my brokenness utterly worthy of love. Maybe I’ve done enough. And I finally see myself, through the eyes of no one else. It’s so exhausting on this silver screen, where I play the role of anyone but me... I only want what’s real. I set aside the highlight reel and leave my greatest failures on display with an asterisk worthy of love anyway.

Eris had been acting strange to say the least. It was rare for you to go a day without seeing the red haired male but it had been a whole week now. Your mind kept playing back to something you might have said or did the last time you saw him.

You’d gone on a walk with the few smoke hound pups Eris was beginning to train. They were all still tripping over large paws and each other and the sight made peals of laughter fall from your mouth. More than once you looked over and saw your best friend staring at you, although he denied it every time you questioned him about it. Shrugging it off you had kept walking until the sun was starting to set. You turned to face him, to say goodbye, and a pup had run straight into you. Your back would have hit the wet forest floor if it wasn’t for Eris’ strong arm wrapped around your waist. His eyes were wide as he looked down at you, full of softness you couldn’t place but made something in your chest flutter all the same. He had just barely made sure you were standing upright before he called the pups back in and practically ran away from you without saying goodbye.

You couldn’t think of anything in that interaction that would explain Eris’ absence. Finally deciding you’ve had enough of this, you marched to his study. You didn’t knock as you entered, remembering to lightly open the door. Having learned the hard way that he would violently jump with any door being opened or closed harshly. He didn’t look up from his desk as you stood in the doorway. It took you clearing your throat three times before his eyes even glanced up.

“Hello.” Was all he said before he turned his eyes back down, his brow slightly furrowed.

“Eris-”You started, a slight whine in your voice. you heard the sigh that left him.

“Please. I’m busy. We can go on a walk later.” He was hardly looking at you when he said it.

“Okay.” You conceded. Already knowing he wasn’t going to find you later.

Days went by and you still haven't gotten the chance to talk to Eris. It was starting to annoy you, making your skin itch in an uncomfortable way. You had gone to a deeper part of the forest to clear your head, a part on the trail that only you and Eris ever traveled. It was starting to get colder as the sun drifted lower in the sky and your lack of jacket made you decide to head back to your room. There was no point in going down to the dining room, to sit with the other members of the court and listen to their dull gossip without Eris beside you.

You were far away as you walked back, mind absorbed with thoughts of how you could get Eris to talk to you. It was only that fact that stopped you from noticing the body you had walked into. You didn’t have to look up to notice that familiar smell of cinnamon and pine, to know it was the very same male you had been daydreaming about standing in front of you.

“Eris.” You couldn’t stop the smile that graced your face.

“Hi little doe.” The nickname made your heart skip a beat. And you blushed. “I didn’t think I would run into you out here.”

“Because you’ve been avoiding me.” You half-teased. His face fell slightly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Please,” You took a step away from him, “Don’t pretend I’m stupid.”

“I would never.”

“Then don’t lie to me and say you haven’t been actively avoiding me. It's been weeks and I’ve hardly seen you. I miss you.” You said the last part softly, trying to tamp down the anger at the male in front of you. He sighed.

“I've been busy.”

“You’ve never been too busy for me before.”

“I wasn’t High Lord back then.”

“You spare a few moments from your duties to see me?”

“Please. It’s not like that.” His voice held an edge to it, he wasn’t telling you something.

“Eris, what’s wrong? Did I do something, did I say something? What happened, I’m sure we can talk it out.” Your words are spilling out of you a mile per minute.

“Stop. Just stop.” He growled, a pained edge to his voice. It broke your heart to hear.

“Eris please, just talk to me. I want to hel-” A yelp broke from your lips as he grabbed your arms, an involuntary action to the step you took towards him. Both of you were too caught up in the argument to realize the tendrils of flames that had risen from his fingers, the tendrils that had bitten into your skin. He quickly released you, the force throwing you to the ground. His face held nothing but pure horror. When you looked down at your arms you saw the angry red handprints that, despite that they were already healing, would scar. He took a step towards me before he stood completely still. I pulled myself up, tears running down my face.

“I’m so sor-”

“Figure your shit out, Eris. I’m just trying to help you.” It had been so long since Eris lost control of his powers. Not once had you been the source of that anger. You didn’t look back as you walked towards the forest house.

You weren’t surprised when you heard a faint knock at your door a few hours after you returned from the healer. A heavy scented balm applied to your forearms, wrapped in pristine white banageds. The burns weren’t bad, you had seen Beron leave worse on his sons. You untangled yourself from the heavy blankets you were curled up in and went to find Eris at your door. You tried to fight the urge to tuck your arms behind your back when you saw his eyes drift towards the gauze wrapped around them.

“I just wanted to come to check on you.” He muttered, taking a step closer to you. You took a step back, flinching slightly as your arm brushed up against the door frame. Eris wore an expression like you had slapped him. He didn’t look like he was breathing anymore. “I’m sorry. So incredibly sorry.” Was all he said as he turned around, leaving you very confused in the doorway. You didn’t bother calling after him, ignoring the way your body called for you to. You wanted nothing more than him to wrap his arms around you. The two of you had only gotten into minor squabbles. Nothing like this, nothing that stopped you from talking to each other for long periods of time.

Weeks scraped by and you saw very little of Eris. The manor might have been big but not big enough to explain the rare glimpses you caught of Eris. You didn’t even get the chance to tell him about your upcoming trip to the spring court. One of the healers had their yearly harvest of Hyssop, an important ingredient for making cough medicine that refused to grow in the colder climate of the Autumn court. It was far more potent when used fresh so every year you would make the trip to Spring to collect a few bushels. In return you would stick around for a few days to help with patients. There were always so many in the spring court that any extra hands were appreciated more than any amount of gold. You gathered a few of your lighter dresses to take with you, packing a few more than necessary. And walked to the border, winnowing near your friend's cottage.

Spring was your favorite court to visit. The flowers and fruit that grew filled the air with a sweet fragrance. The pollen always took some time to adjust to, as did the warmer weather. It was nice to visit but after a few days you would always find yourself missing the rich colors of Autumn.

Your friend was bursting with joy as she opened the door for you. Your eyes wide as your spied the small babe she was carrying on her hip.

“Gods, we have a lot to catch up on it seems.” You smile at her before reaching out to pinch the small boys cheeks. “Hello little one.” You cooed, a bell like laugh was your response and you went to hug your friend.

Cecilia had been busy in the last year since you had seen her. She filled you in on the goings on of the small apothecary she ran. You two had just finished hanging some mint up to dry when you heard the front door open.

A tall fae male walked into the kitchen. You had met him once or twice during your visits, Greyson, you think his name was. Cecilia gave him a love sick smile that he returned. He said a polite greeting to you before he walked over to your friend's side and gave her a short but sweet kiss on the cheek. They seemed to slip into their only little world, only seeing one another until the baby babbling snapped them out of it. You shoved down the small wave of nasty jealousy at the way they looked at each other.

“I’ll go check on him.” Greyson said when that little coo turned into a piercing wail. Cecilia’s eyes tracked him until he disappeared from the room. She deflated slightly when he ducked around the corner.

“So…” You started. A not so subtle way of asking for an explanation. She blushed.

“We’ve been friends for years, you remember, I was always hoping for a bond to snap and then one day he ran into me while I was picking herbs and it was history from there. We never expected to have a baby so quickly, they’re so rare, but we were overjoyed.” She went on and you realized you were gripping the knife you were chopping herbs with a little tighter than needed. You hummed along to her story. Unknowing what to add to it.

“And how’s your love life?” She elbowed you teasingly. She was fully aware of your feelings for a certain redhead. You scoffed and went back to stripping off leaves from their stems.

You left two days later, arms full of all the herbs Ceceila had given you. She gave you a tight hug as you winnowed back to your home. You hummed a light song to yourself as you walked back to your room, feeling lighter than you had in the past days as you arrived at your door.

Your humming died out as you saw your bedroom door wide open when you knew for a fact you had locked it behind you. Hesitantly, you peaked around the edge of the door.

“Eris?” At the sound of your voice, he turned to face you. Relief etched into his perfect face. He was across the room in seconds. He wrapped his arms around you, picking you up off your feet.

“You were gone. I went to check on you and half of your stuff had been packed,” He said as he put you back onto your feet. His chest was heaving rapidly. “I thought you left.”

“You were too busy ignoring me for me to tell you.” You continued on your path putting away your clothes. Not looking at Eris. You suddenly felt his hand wrap around your wrist which you gently but firmly removed.

“Doe, please. Look at me.” He pleaded but you only scoffed.

“Now I’m worthy of your attention. I have been away for three days and now you want to pay attention to me. It’s been over a month since you so much as talked to me, Eris.” You turned to face him, hands on your hips. Almost begging him to try to deny it.

“It’s not like that-” He ran his hands through his hair, messing up the long locks.

“Then what’s it like?” You challenged. “You won’t talk to me even though I know something is wrong.”

“It’s nothing.”

“See!” You threw your arms up, a bit dramatic but you didn’t care right now. “You know you can tell me anything.”

“Not this.”

“Eris, what is so bad that you can’t talk to me about it.” Your tone softened a little at the clear struggle on his face. He didn’t say anything and you wanted to scream at him. You didn’t instead you just told him, “If you won’t…Just get out.”

“Doe. Please”

“Don’t, I’m exhausted Eris. If you truly won’t tell me, I can’t help-”

“I love you.” He blurted out. Both of you froze. When you met his eyes you knew he was telling the truth. He took a deep breath, he opened his mouth and then closed it again. He finally spoke again. “I’ve been in love with you for years. And then when-” He caught himself. Stumbling to shut his mouth. You took a step towards him. Hand reaching for his.

“When what Eris?” You felt your heartbeat pick up.

“When I felt the bond snap,” He looked at your face, you only nodded for him to keep talking. “You’re sweet, kind, and good. Gods are you kind. Kinder and gentler than anyone I could ever deserve. So I thought if I hid the bond that there would be a chance it never snapped for you. That you would be free to find someone who is…better than me.”

“Eris-”

“I’ve done awful things to people. I’ve hurt people and backstabbed and betrayed so many of the closest people to me. I mean look at Lucien. He can’t even live in his own court. Look at Mor. Even you have scars that tell me you deserve anyone else but me.” His voice cracked on the last word. Shaking with unshed tears. You slowly trailed your hand up his arm, leaving it to rest on his cheek. He closed his eyes tight but didn’t pull away from your touch.

“I love you so much and couldn’t believe the mother would let me have a mate as good as you. So I hid like a coward because the thought of it was too much.” He whispered into your palm. You brushed your thumb near his eyes, a silent plea for him to look at you.

“You aren’t that person Eris. I’ve never seen anything but the good you’ve done. The horrible things that this court has made you do, is not who you really are. Lucien is alive because you got him to spring. Mor is alive because you made your brothers stop, you’re the one who called for Rhys and Azriel that day. But look at all the good you’ve done, just to the court since you became High Lord.” He was crying now, trembling under your words. “Females can walk around unafraid, something they have never been able to do in this court. Children laugh in the street, full and happy. All because of you. Eris you are good, and kind, and oh so deserving of love.” He only shook his head, like he could stop the words from finding his ears. “And I will tell you every second of every day for the rest of our lives until you believe it. I love you Eris. I have loved you for as long as I’ve known what love is.” You spoke clearly, words hanging in the air as Eris finally opened his eyes.

“You love me?”

“Long before I ever felt the bond,” His eyes widened. “It was silly, just a look across the room during a ball. And I could never think of the right way to tell you. But I knew before then that there was no one else I would rather spend the rest of my life with. It’s always been you Eris.” He turned his head to give your hand a small kiss. Then he slid to his knees, clutching that hand like it was solid gold.

“I might never deserve you, but I promise to love you the best that I can.” You smiled softly at him before you sunk down, eye level with him. You threw your arms around his neck pulling him into a crushing hug.

“You’ve always deserved me.” You whispered before you pulled him in a kiss that made the world freeze around you.

Tagging the Eris girlies/moots as usual: @daycourtofficial @nocasdatsgay @secret-third-thing

#eris vanserra x reader #eris vanserra #eris acotar #eris vanserra angst #eris angst #acotar fanfiction #acotar #acowar #acosf #acomaf #acofas #eris acosf #a court of frost and starlight #a court of wings and ruin #a court of silver flames #a court of thorns and roses #a court of mist and fury

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our-happygirl500-fan · 1 year

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Something that I have talked about a few times is the fact that Leo seems to struggle to make a code name for himself based off of his own interests unlike his brothers

Leo: I’m changing my code name too, uh... Blue Bluey! No... Blue... uh-

When compared to his brothers who all seem to come up with code names based off of their own interests whether it’s Donnie with Chess, Raph with music or Mikey with his various doctor personas, Leo can’t seem to come up with a code name outside the colour that his father gave him.

However on the other side of that something that I think is kind of interesting is we do not really hear Raph & Donnie’s code names for Leo.

Donnie: This is Purple Knight is everyone in position

Raph: Red King is set

Donnie: Orange Pawn please use your-

Mikey: What!? Why am I the pawn?

Donnie: Cyber Bishop, Plan B

Leo: See that? That is a cool code name

In the episode Mind Meld we find out that Donnie gave himself & his family Chess Code Names calling himself Purple Knight, Raph Red King, Mikey Orange Pawn & Shelldon Cyber Bishop.

However we don’t ever really hear Leo’s Chess Code Name, with the only thing we really know about it being that it most likely begins with the colour Blue. And we don’t ever really hear April’s Chess Code Name as she was not on that particular mission with the Turtles.

However even though we don’t ever really hear Leo & April’s Chess Code Names I have seen people assume that their Chess Code Names would be Blue Rook & Yellow Queen as those are two of the Chess positions that we don’t really hear get used in the episode.

Raph: Yellow Submarine are we clear?

April: Affirmative Red Rover

Raph: Purple Rain, do you see the target?

Similar to how Donnie was shown to give his family Chess Code Names in the episode Mind Meld, in the first episode of Rise & in the episode Bullhop, Raph gave himself, April & Donnie the code names Red Rover, Yellow Submarine & Purple Rain respectively which are all song titles.

However we don’t really get to hear the code names Raph gave Leo & Mikey though it can be assumed that Raph’s code names for Leo & Mikey would be song titles with the words blue & orange in them respectively & some possible code names that I have heard for Leo within the fandom fit Raph’s code naming style have been Mr. Blue Sky or Blue Monday.

Leo: I’m Captain Bluemask

Leo: It’s me, you’re favourite teen detective Leo Splinterson

Something that I’ve talked about a couple of times is how Leo doesn’t seem to base his code names off of his own interests the way his brothers seem to either basing his code names off of the situation he’s in such as calling himself Captain Bluemask in the episode Portal Jacked

Or Leo seems to come up with a code name that ties back to his family such as when Leo calls himself Leo Splinterson in the episode Bad Hair Day due to the fact that he’s Splinter’s son.

Leo: I’m changing my code name too, uh... Blue Bluey!

However something that I think is kind of interesting is that even though Leo seems to struggle coming up with a code name for himself we never really hear Raph & Donnie’s code names for him either, with both Raph’s code names for his family based off of song titles & Donnie’s code names for his family based off of chess pieces Leo is the one whose code name we don’t really hear for either of them.

We know both Donnie & Raph’s Code Names for each other & we know Raph’s code name for April even though we don’t really know Donnie’s code name for her & we know Donnie’s code name for Mikey even though we don’t really know Raph’s code name for him but we don’t really know what either Raph or Donnie’s Code Names are for Leo.

Raph: Hey! Where’s Leo?

Mikey: I’m sure wherever he is, he’s trying to save us

Raph: Leo probably talked his way straight into Big Mamma’s dungeon

Donnie: It was Leo! He did it on purpose!

Leo: I’m only talking to you to set the record straight, I didn’t do it on purpose! I mean how could I? I had half a fridge on my chin!

When compared to the idea that Leo might struggle to find a code name for himself as he might struggle to find an identity for himself outside of his family, the fact that we don’t really hear his families code names for Leo might possibly be symbolic for the possibility that Leo’s family don’t fully have a grasp on Leo’s identity either..

An ongoing gag within Rise is that whenever one of Leo’s family members try to make assumptions on what Leo’s doing we’re shown Leo doing basically the opposite of what they’ve just said contrasting how Leo is able to predict his family almost perfectly in the episode Many Unhappy Returns showing that Leo might understand his family better than they understand him but Leo’s family being unable to really accurately predict Leo’s action’s might stem from the fact that Leo himself seems to struggle coming up with an identity outside his family.

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles #leonardo hamato #rottmnt #tmnt

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diorkyeom · 4 months

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「✦」 oh, how i adore you

joshua x dokyeom, non-idols, fluff, angst, humour, mutual pining, friends to lovers, inspired by the song 'jump then fall' by taylor swift

total word count: 22.2k+

warnings: adults drinking alcohol near the beginning, seokmin is scared of heights? but hes good at dealing w it, overuse of "shua hyung"s bc seokmin is a Simp, kissing

summary: "and joshua... well, joshua had realised something. seokmin's laugh was, without a doubt, one of the best sounds that he had ever heard." - in which joshua never really realised that he'd fall for seokmin, but always has and always will do anything for him. and perhaps that should have been his first sign that he'd well and truly fallen for seokmin a long, long time ago.

notes: it's here!! vv heavily inspired by that one lyric in ms. swift's song that goes "without a warning/i realise your laugh is the best sound i have ever heard" bc it's just sooo seoksoo coded. pls b kind to the fic bc it actually took me forever to write lmaoo and enjoy ^^

The day Joshua fell in love with Seokmin started out like any other.

Well, no. That was a lie. But with friends like Joshua’s, it was impossible for any day to be classed as ‘ordinary’.

On the day he fell in love with Seokmin, he woke up to someone poking him in the shoulder.

Which was weird, because Joshua lived by himself, and his first thought was that it was some intruder coming to murder him as he slept. He couldn’t find it within him to be scared about that, though, still in a mostly-asleep state as the bony finger continued to poke him incessantly right in the shoulder bone.

He was too tired to be dealing with this. Trying to bury his face into his pillow, Joshua reasoned that if someone was trying to murder him, then it was highly unlikely that they’d want to wake him up first, right?

Either that, or they were an incredibly polite murderer.

“Shua hyung,” the polite murderer whined, and Joshua groaned as the familiar voice finally registered in his ears.

With a heavy sigh, because he now knew exactly who this intruder was, he let himself be manhandled up into a more upright position, propped against his headboard. His eyes were still shut, refusing to accept this disturbance to his sleep.

“Shua hyung,” the person said again, and Joshua could hear the bright amusement in his tone. “Shua hyung, it’s gone 10 in the morning. You promised me cookies.”

Defeated, Joshua blinked slowly as his shoulders were shaken back and forth, making his head loll drowsily like a doll. He squinted blearily.

“Good morning to you too, Seokmin.”

Seokmin beamed again, wide and happy as if he hadn’t just forcibly woken his hyung up and was now shaking him around like a baby rattle. He was practically sitting in Joshua’s lap, having clambered over him in order to shake his shoulders, and Joshua really was beginning to feel like nothing more than a toy doll at this point.

“Good morning, hyung!” Seokmin chirped, and sat back on Joshua’s knees, making the elder let out a small ‘oof’ at the sudden weight. “Now hurry up, you said you’d bake me cookies.”

Joshua sighed yet again. He really needed new friends.

───────────── ‘✦,

Joshua had met Lee Seokmin for the first time during his third year of university. It had been an odd encounter, but it had been an encounter brought on by one Yoon Jeonghan and so, when Joshua thought about it, by that man’s standards it hadn’t really been all that odd in the slightest.

“Joshuji,” Jeonghan had declared one afternoon, opening the door and flouncing through the small dorm into their kitchen, dragging a tall boy by his oversized hoodie sleeve behind him. “Meet the first-year that I’ve collected this year.”

Joshua, who had been peacefully sipping his fifth coffee of the day, didn’t even bat an eye at Jeonghan’s declaration. “Another one?”

Even in the present, Joshua could very truthfully admit that Jeonghan had been the sole reason he’d decided to carry on going to uni in Korea and not turn on his heel and return to the States three months after the first day.

It was because Jeonghan had had this… thing, where he liked ‘collecting’ first-years in their literature department who he wanted to take under his wing. During their first year at uni, he’d latched onto Joshua, who’d been a confused Korean-American student that Jeonghan had, for some reason, taken an immense liking to. Their second year, it had been Lee Jihoon, prickly and snappish but who had a hyper boyfriend who Jihoon stared at with hearts in his eyes.

It was a weird, almost mother hen-like act from Jeonghan, but it was a sweet habit, and Joshua had long since given up questioning anything that he did.

And so, a little absently, Joshua had turned to look over at Jeonghan’s newest adoptee, a polite smile on his face, before promptly freezing.

“Meet Lee Seokmin,” Jeonghan had said, proudly, like a mother introducing her favourite son. “Isn’t he just the cutest?”

Joshua blinked rapidly, because goodness, Lee Seokmin really was cute.

He was biting his lips nervously, tugging at the sleeves of his hoodie before Joshua finally made eye contact with him, and his eyes rounded as if surprised that Joshua had looked his way.

And then Seokmin waved, before ducking his head, as if attempting to (unsuccessfully) hide behind Jeonghan’s much shorter form. The action was so startingly cute that Joshua couldn’t help the genuine smile that tugged at his lips, giving a small wave back even if Seokmin looked too busy avoiding his gaze to see it.

“Hello,” Joshua said, and awfully, his voice managed to crack on that single word. Jeonghan stifled a snort. In an attempt to cover the awkwardness, Joshua apparently decided it was best to do something even more awkward, and stuck his hand out in Seokmin’s direction. “I’m Joshua Hong. Or, Hong Jisoo. You can call me whatever’s easiest.”

Seokmin had stared down at his hand for several seconds, confused, and Joshua wanted nothing more than to turn back time and restart this entire interaction because really, how much more embarrassing could this get?

Before he could retract his hand, trying to forget the handshake and hopefully forget the new layer of awkwardness, Seokmin leaned over and grasped Joshua’s hand, strands of hair falling into his eyes as he looked up at Joshua, eyes startlingly warm and earnest.

His hair was awfully fluffy, Joshua realised suddenly. And he had big eyes.

He looked like a large, adorable puppy, if adorable puppies were tall uni students who drowned themselves in oversized hoodies.

Seokmin’s cheeks were rather flushed as he shook Joshua’s hand, eyes wide. He had a brief thought that maybe Jeonghan had chased him around their apartment block until he finally reached their floor.

Jeonghan did that sometimes.

And then Seokmin smiled, so brightly that it was like a blinding beam of sunlight, his earlier perceived shyness completely forgotten as he released Joshua’s hand and instead lunged forward to engulf the elder in a hug.

“Hello!” Seokmin chirped, arms still wrapped around Joshua’s shoulders, and when he pulled away, he was still smiling so widely that Joshua felt a little dazed. “It’s nice to meet you, Jeonghan hyung’s told me a lot about you. I like your eyes! Can I call you Shua hyung?”

Joshua blinked rapidly, surprised by the sudden and random bout of chatter coming from the boy, but Seokmin’s eyes were lit up with that white gold light and he was so cute that Joshua couldn’t be anything but endeared.

“Sure,” he said amusedly, and marvelled internally at how Seokmin’s eyes crinkled and he seemed to vibrate happily on the spot. “You can call me Shua hyung.”

Seokmin let out a small laugh, delighted. “Shua hyung!” he cried, and then launched himself into Joshua’s arms again, pulling him in for another hug as the elder stumbled back, arms wrapped securely around Seokmin for balance.

Jeonghan had met Joshua’s eyes over Seokmin’s shoulders, face set in a curiously indecipherable expression. When Joshua furrowed his brows, he just grinned, nodding proudly. “Seems like I chose my first-year very well.”

And, well, Joshua couldn’t say anything at that, because Seokmin still had his face buried in his shoulder and he was just so warm and friendly and also because—

Because Jeonghan might have been the tiniest bit correct.

───────────── ‘✦,

Five years later, however, as the Joshua of the present tried to stop Seokmin from drowning his cookie batter in sugar, he wondered whether Jeonghan had, instead, been very, very incorrect.

“Hyung,” Seokmin complained, when Joshua forcibly wrestled the bag of sugar out of his hands. “Hey, Shua hyung, let me help! I wanna help!”

“You can help by staying away from my poor cookies,” Joshua said firmly.

When Seokmin wilted pathetically, bottom lip jutting out in a pout, he just poked him in the cheek as he set the sugar far out of Seokmin’s reach.

“Put the pout away, Min-ah,” he said, using the affectionate nickname that always managed to make Seokmin melt and eventually agree with whatever Joshua said. ““Remember the last time I let you do what you wanted with my cookies?”

Seokmin hung his head. “I almost gave everyone food poisoning,” he muttered miserably.

“You almost gave everyone food poisoning,” Joshua agreed. “Besides, you barged into my house at 10 in the morning to demand that I make you cookies. At least let me actually make them, you know?”

Seokmin rolled his eyes, leaning against the counter as he watched Joshua pick up his wooden spoon and continue mixing the batter. “I didn’t barge in. You gave me the passcode.”

“For emergencies.”

“This was an emergency.”

Joshua shook his head. “Whatever you say, Seokmin. Whatever you say.”

“I do say!” Seokmin said, nodding vigorously. “You promised, hyung. And it’s very important that you keep your promises.”

“Because you always keep yours?”

“I do!”

“Then why haven’t you paid me back for all those times I paid for your food back in uni, hm? When you somehow forgot your wallet while going out for dinner with us?”

Seokmin opened his mouth wordlessly, frowning as Joshua chuckled at him. “Hey,” he said finally. “Don’t bring up my dark past like that.”

Joshua laughed properly, and Seokmin’s face brightened into a smile, as if an automatic response to the sound of someone’s happiness. It was kind of cute, and had Joshua laughing again, leaning over and pinching Seokmin’s cheek with a sticky hand.

“Look at you. You’re like an adorable puppy,” he said, grinning at the residue of sticky dough smeared against Seokmin’s cheek when he pulled away.

“Thanks, hyung,” Seokmin chirped. “So does that mean you’ll allow me to help?”

“No,” Joshua said bluntly, heart squeezing with something warm when Seokmin dramatically made a show of looking disappointed. He leaned over and pinched Seokmin’s other cheek, smearing more cookie dough on his skin. “Just sit there and look pretty while I bake them for you.”

Seokmin grinned, all blinding light. “You think I’m pretty?”

Joshua hummed. “Sure. Not when you have cookie dough on both your cheeks, though.”

“Hyung! You—”

Seokmin huffed, rubbing his cheeks and turning his nose up annoyedly at Joshua, before Joshua offered him a cookie dough-covered spoon not seconds later, and he instantly opened his mouth to obediently lick at it.

“You really are a puppy, huh?” Joshua shook his head, smiling, and turned back to the mixing bowl. “There. Now shh. Eat that and let me finish your oh-so important cookies.”

Was it kind of weird that Seokmin had barged into his apartment because he wanted cookies? Well, yeah, but that was the kind of friend that Seokmin was. And Joshua was the kind of friend to let him.

If Joshua thought really hard about it, there wasn’t actually any real reason for him to be making Seokmin cookies at all, though.

There was no special event coming up soon, no celebration or holiday or any reason why Seokmin couldn’t make the cookies himself (save for the fact that he may accidentally leave someone horribly incapacitated in the process).

But last night, Joshua had spent several hours on the phone to Seokmin—something which had somehow become a weekly thing for the two of them, which worried Joshua a little but only if he thought about it for too long—and inexplicably, their conversation had turned to cookies. Seokmin had whined that his favourite strawberry and chocolate chip cookies were no longer being stocked in stores, and before Joshua knew it, he’d promised to bake Seokmin those cookies as soon as he could.

Honestly, the things he did for Seokmin.

Joshua looked over at Seokmin again, who had somehow managed to hop up onto his kitchen counter and was now swinging his legs like a little child, chattering mindlessly while watching Joshua make his cookies for him, and he couldn’t hide the exasperatedly endeared smile that tugged at his lips.

Joshua was always doing things for Seokmin, really. He should start making the guy pay for his services.

Probably.

Seokmin made a delighted noise when Joshua scooped him another spoonful of cookie dough to eat, and Joshua tried not to think too much about why Seokmin’s joy made him feel light too.

“There we go,” Joshua announced, setting down a plate of still-warm, home baked strawberry and chocolate chip cookies onto the table, along with a glass of milk. “Your cookies. Now eat.”

Seokmin lit up, and positively beamed up at Joshua, clasping his hands together. “Oh, wow. They look so good.”

Joshua smiled, pulling up another chair and collapsing into it. “Yeah?”

He watched as Seokmin stuffed a cookie into his mouth, eyes instantly widening as he began nodding his head vigorously.

“The best,” Seokmin said honestly, words muffled, and there was a pink stain of strawberry on the corner of his mouth already. “Shua hyung, how are you always so good at baking?”

Joshua didn’t reply, and just watched Seokmin stuff his face with the cookie, laughing a little as the younger sincerely expressed his compliments, words garbled and unintelligible, and smiled and told him to chew his food properly.

For all of their bickering and teasing whenever the two of them interacted, Seokmin was a soft person at heart, sincere compliments spilling from his lips as easy as daylight.

Speaking of daylight, however, the morning had well and truly come and gone, the early afternoon sun spilling through Joshua’s windows and reminding him that Seokmin had been in his apartment for a good five hours now. He ought to kick the man out soon.

“You’re going to choke yourself if you keep shoving them in your face like that,” Joshua said, nudging the glass of milk closer to Seokmin. “Take your time, the cookies aren’t going anywhere.”

“Yeah, and that’s the problem,” Seokmin replied, cheeks puffing out like a chipmunk as he sipped the milk. “These cookies need to be in my mouth. Right now.”

Joshua chuckled, leaning back in his chair as Seokmin finished off the last of the three cookies on the plate. The rest of the batch were sitting on the cooling rack, waiting to be put into a container for Seokmin to take home, of course. Joshua wasn’t going to go to all the effort of baking cookies if he was only going to make a few.

“Happy now?” he asked, smiling again when Seokmin nodded fervently, beaming, cookie crumbs around his mouth. Joshua shook his head in faux disbelief. “I can’t believe you forced me to make you those cookies.”

“It’s because I’m Shua hyung’s favourite,” Seokmin sing-songed, grinning cheekily. “I’m your most favourite friend in the entire world.”

“Wrong,” Joshua deadpanned. “That’s Jeonghan.”

“Just because Jeonghan hyung’s your best friend doesn’t mean he’s your favourite,” Seokmin said, and Joshua wanted to point out that it kind of did, but Seokmin was already carrying on. “Speaking of Jeonghan hyung though, don’t forget that he’s taking us all to a restaurant for dinner tonight.”

Joshua blinked, closing his mouth. “Really?”

Seokmin looked at him, head tilted, and then grinned. “You forgot, didn’t you?”

“No. Of course not.” Joshua stood up, taking the plate and empty glass and walking into the kitchen. “No I didn’t.”

Seokmin laughed, following Joshua into the kitchen and watching as he washed the crockery. “Oh, you definitely did!” he crowed delightedly, and it was such a Seokmin thing to be delighted by that it had Joshua smiling again, even as he tried to maintain a long-suffering frown. “Can’t believe you forgot all about it. Good thing I reminded you, huh? What would you do without me, Shua hyung?”

Seokmin sounded so endlessly smug, eyes shining for reasons that Joshua couldn’t quite fathom. The warm afternoon light from the windows spilled over his face and gave him a golden glow, and so Joshua finally broke, laughing and drying his hands before ruffling Seokmin’s hair, moving away from the sink and over to the rest of the cookies.

“I dunno. Die?” Joshua suggested, making Seokmin laugh suddenly at the answer.

“Maybe not that extreme,” he said. “You’d probably just miss the dinner that hyung planned to celebrate our friend group’s 2000 day anniversary. Which, actually, on second thoughts, probably would lead to your death,” he added thoughtfully.

Joshua smiled, beginning to deposit the cookies into a plastic container. “In which case, thank you for saving me from certain death, Seokmin.”

“You’re most welcome!” Seokmin said brightly, with a grin. “Do I get a cookie?”

That made Joshua chuckle, looking up from the container to raise his eyebrows at Seokmin. “This entire batch is yours, Seokmin. You can have as many as you like.”

He placed the container into Seokmin’s hands, and then started walking out of the kitchen.

“Also, you have cookie crumbs all around your mouth.”

Seokmin’s loud whine of annoyance echoed throughout his apartment. “Hyung!”

───────────── ‘✦,

And so that was how Joshua’s morning had gone. Relatively uneventful and, truthfully, rather ordinary (well, as normal as a morning could be when you had Lee Seokmin for a best friend). So Joshua wasn’t truly expecting anything different during dinner that evening.

Their overexcited yells blurred together and echoed noisily throughout the BBQ restaurant, and Joshua laughed into his glass of water as half of the table shouted over each other for some reason or other.

They were getting a fair amount of concerned stares from the general public, which was understandable, because Soonyoung was vibrating like he was due to explode any minute and half of them weren’t even sitting in their chairs anymore, but this was how their dinners out together always went, so Joshua didn’t even bat an eye.

“I’m sure if you strap a jet pack onto the ostrich, then it could definitely fly,” Mingyu was insisting, and Seungkwan stared at him in utter disbelief.

“If you strap a jet pack onto a hippo then it could definitely fly!” Seungkwan screeched, and Wonwoo nodded vigorously in agreement. “Doesn’t mean that ostriches can fly!”

“It does!” Mingyu said, but his eye twitched as he talked. It was a sure sign that he knew he was basically talking nonsense, but Seungkwan looked far too irate to notice. “Flying is when stuff goes into the sky, right? I fully believe that a hippo can fly too.”

Wonwoo’s eye was twitching, too, and definitely not for the same reason that Mingyu’s was. “You think that hippos can fly.”

Mingyu grinned. “I do.”

“I support him!” Soonyoung cried out suddenly, and everyone exploded, eager to take part and voice their opinion.

Their conversation had long ago strayed from being in the realm of anything that made sense, and at the end of the long table that they were all eating at, Jeonghan was quite peacefully picking meat off of his barbeque grill, him and Seungcheol making pleasant conversation and ignoring the shouts coming from next to them.

Joshua shook his head. Typical Jeonghan behaviour.

Ducking his head to avoid Soonyoung’s flailing arms as the younger vehemently defended Mingyu’s (frankly very stupid) opinion, Joshua reached over the table for the bottle of soju, filling up his shot glass and knocking it back, observing his friends with a grin on his face.

So far, the dinner had been going incredibly normally.

They’d taken part in drinking games, and Mingyu and Seokmin had made a show of cooking the meat for everyone, and the conversation had switched topics hilariously fast a span of fifteen times.

And Joshua was having a great time. He’d been seated between Chan and Hansol, who were actually rather good people to be seated between, because Hansol ended up dozing off three hours into the dinner and Chan ended up disappearing to sit somewhere on the other side of the table, leaving Joshua in peace to observe and laugh at his friend’s antics.

He’d been doing what he always did at their friendaversary dinners: replace half his shots with water, watch his friends’ drunk arguments (and occasionally interject with one random statement to rile them all up again), and also eat as much beef as possible because, well. Jeonghan was paying. He may as well make the most of it.

Joshua listened to the shaking, booming voice of Wonwoo going “What do you mean you’ve never heard of a penguin before?”, and chuckled.

Everything was indeed going very normally.

“Shua hyung,” a voice said in his ear, one bony finger poking right into his shoulder blade before a cold hand pressed against the nape of his neck, making him yelp and turn around.

Seokmin grinned at him from Chan's previously-empty chair, eyes looking a little too bright to be wholly sober.

“Shua hyung,” he said again, his grin full of mischief. “Don’t look so excited to see me. Desperation isn’t a good look on anyone.”

Joshua just rolled his eyes, tweaking Seokmin’s ear for good measure. “As if I’d be excited to see you.” Seokmin pouted, and pressed his entire cold palm against Joshua’s cheek just to be mean. “Hey, don’t put your gremlin hands on me, you brat. Why are your fingers so cold, anyway?”

Seokmin shrugged, holding his hands up and looking at them like he’d never seen them before. “Guess they just get cold really easily.” He looked up, and his smile seemed to widen even further, holding his hands out to Joshua. “Warm them up for me?”

“Warm them up yourself,” Joshua said, but he was already reaching out for Seokmin’s hands, warming his fingers between his palms.

Seokmin just beamed, pleased, like he’d known that Joshua would immediately give him what he wanted. Hands still being held by Joshua, he turned back to the rest of their friends, observing them with bright eyes.

He grinned at something that Junhui said, and Joshua watched him, smiling a little.

There was always just something about Seokmin’s happiness that made one feel happy too. Back when they first met, five years ago, it had been one of the things that had endeared Seokmin to Joshua in the first place.

Joshua looked back at the rest of their friends, listening as Soonyoung was yet again doing his terrifyingly accurate impression of Seungkwan. He smiled, but didn’t pay attention for long, because next to him, Seokmin slipped his hands out of his grip, clapping delightedly and then raised his hands to cover his mouth.

And then Seokmin laughed: loud, brightly, full of golden light as he tipped back in his chair before leaning forward, yelling encouragement to Soonyoung on the other end of the table.

He laughed again, and Joshua just—

Joshua just watched him.

He was unable to tear his eyes away as Seokmin snorted inelegantly, bursting into fits of laughter and collapsing into Joshua’s shoulder, seemingly unable to hold himself up due to the force of his laughs.

All he could do was stare down fondly at Seokmin, giggling into him. Seokmin, whose eyes had crinkled so they were nothing more than overjoyed crescents, whose laughter was ringing in the air, and even the yells of their friends had become muffled in Joshua’s ears, his focus solely on Seokmin by his side and his bright, unabashed laugh.

Seungkwan said something then, and Seokmin looked up, eyes bright with mirth as he made to stand up.

“Hey! Seungkwan!” Seokmin yelled, getting up from the chair and leaning on the table. “Look, you—”

And then he cut himself off, bursting into laughter as Soonyoung said something, arms waving in the air, and Seokmin hurried over to them before Seungkwan could get his hands around Soonyoung’s throat, still laughing the entire time.

“Hey, let me go! Let me go after Soonyoung hyung! This guy deserves it for sure—”

Seokmin was waved off by Seungkwan, but he still kept a close distance, hovering over the younger with his face crinkled into a smile and seemingly unaware of how he'd left Joshua with his head in shambles on the other side of the table.

And Joshua… well, Joshua had realised something.

Seokmin’s laugh was, without a doubt, one of the best sounds that Joshua had ever heard.

Which was a good thing, Joshua mused, watching Seokmin from across the table, watching him say something and then burst into laughter at his own words. Seokmin was a chronic smiler and chronic laugher, and could never be seen without his lips curling upwards at something or other, letting out at least a small snuffle of a laugh.

Joshua had heard Seokmin laugh hundreds, if not thousands, of times. Never before had he realised how good Seokmin’s laugh sounded, though. Or how good he looked when he laughed.

Happiness was a good look on Seokmin.

Sometimes, his laughter scrunched his face up hilariously, and sometimes, it turned into loud shrieks more than actual laughs. Even so, Joshua thought it was rather endearing, and still sounded like golden chimes in a spring breeze.

It would be incredibly easy to fall in love with a laugh like that.

Joshua froze, mind going blank as Seokmin tilted his head back, laughing and smiling widely, his golden laughter ringing in his ears.

Oh.

Oh, no.

“Alright, you three, shut up,” Jeonghan finally interrupted, seemingly having had enough of their fighting. “You’re gonna give me a headache. And you’re going to wake poor Hansol up,” he added, gesturing to Hansol who was still sleeping in the chair next to Joshua.

Seungkwan whined immediately. “Hyung! Soonyoung hyung’s doing crazy stuff again!”

“So is Seungkwan!”

“I know,” Jeonghan said, “but you’re both being ridiculous. Sit down. Why don’t we play a nice, quiet game?”

“Or,” a voice said, “you can leave.”

One of the restaurant workers was frowning at them, and handed Jeonghan the bill.

“In fact, please leave.”

Jeonghan blinked down at the bill in his hands, before his eyes widened and he made a slight distressed sound. “Who ordered this much beef?” He looked around, eyes wide. “Who ordered all of this?”

Seungcheol grabbed his arm before he could work himself up into a fit. “We’ll be on our way, thank you,” he said to the server, bowing. “Our apologies. Jeonghan, come on, you said you’d pay.”

“I’m not paying for all of this,” Jeonghan said stubbornly, even as Seungcheol pushed him towards the desk. “Cheol, split it with me. Look at this! This is crazy! I swear, when I find out who ordered three different cuts of wagyu beef I’m gonna—”

Their gathering split up rather quickly after that, though it did look like Wonwoo had a difficult time trying to drag an incredibly drunk Chan out of his seat. Joshua was rather grateful though, partly because he didn’t want to stick around if Jeonghan managed to catch a whiff of who’d ordered the most expensive meat on the menu, and partly because it would give him the chance to process the sudden realisation he’d just had.

Jihoon was putting very little effort into dragging Soonyoung away from Seungkwan, while Mingyu was bodily hauling the younger man out of the restaurant. The sight would have made Joshua laugh, only he was too occupied with gathering all of his own things and booking it out of the restaurant and back home as soon as possible.

“Shua hyung!”

A hand suddenly squeezed Joshua’s arm, making him whip his head upwards, almost knocking right into Seokmin’s chin as the younger leaned over him.

“Oh my g—Seokmin,” Joshua said, stepping back a little so they weren’t practically nose to nose. “You scared me.”

“Sorry,” Seokmin said, and then grinned. “Are you walking home, hyung?”

Joshua looked over at the counter, where Jeonghan seemed to still be arguing with Seungcheol about splitting the bill. “Probably,” he said. “It looks like those two’ll be arguing for a while. It’ll be, like, three in the morning by the time Cheol drops me back off if I wait for them to be done.”

Seokmin’s lips twisted, eyes round with concern. “You shouldn’t be walking home by yourself at this time of night, hyung.” His face lit up. “D’you wanna come with us instead? Myungho and Junhui hyung are driving me back home. I’m sure they could drop you off too.”

His first instinct was to say yes, of course and that would be great, but his heart was racing unusually fast in his chest, and looking at Seokmin’s bright, earnest eyes for even a second too long made Joshua feel all warm and melty inside, and considering the obscene amount of alcohol he’d consumed (even with his half-water scheme going on) it probably wasn’t a good idea to spend a whole car ride next to Seokmin.

“No thanks,” Joshua said, rather too hurriedly, and then looked down to adjust his shoulder bag, embarrassed at his own abrupt answer. “I mean—I don’t live that far away. I’ll be fine.”

Seokmin looked at him for a long moment, and he must have been more drunk than Joshua thought, because his eyes were coloured with a glittering expression that made him pause.

Seokmin looked almost disappointed.

And then he blinked, and the expression was gone, replaced with a slightly lopsided grin as he pulled Joshua in for a hug then instantly stepped away, wringing his hands together. “Well, goodnight then, Shua hyung,” Seokmin said. “I’ll see you?”

Joshua managed to dredge up his own smile, giving a small wave. “Yeah. See you, Min-ah.”

So Joshua bid him goodnight and the rest of them goodbye, and walked out of the restaurant, his heart thumping in his chest, Seokmin’s smile glowing in the back of his eyes.

And the knowledge that he was in love with Seokmin etched into his brain.

───────────── ‘✦,

Joshua and Seokmin’s friendship went something like this.

They teased, bickered, pinched each other’s elbows and pressed palms against faces. They doted, coddled, cared for each other and talked over the phone until the wee hours of the morning. Seokmin would whine for something, and Joshua would give it to him. Joshua wouldn’t even have to say a word, and Seokmin would be reaching out to hold him, in an instant knowing exactly what Joshua needed.

Seokmin was loud, almost obnoxiously so, but when Joshua went out seeking solace he went to Seokmin first, because Seokmin was always, always soft and comfortable for Joshua.

Joshua sat down on his couch and stirred the sugar into his coffee with a teaspoon, frowning down at it thoughtfully.

Jeonghan was Joshua’s best friend. The other half of his soul.

But even if Jeonghan was half of Joshua’s soul, then Seokmin was the soul that was made to fit with Joshua’s. Not an identical copy of his own, but something that melted and moulded into his edges, slotting together as if they’d been designed to fit into each other all long, like they were—

“Puzzle pieces,” Joshua said to himself, smiling a little fondly. Seokmin was terrible at puzzles.

He couldn’t help but think of that one jigsaw puzzle that Jeonghan had bought Seokmin for his birthday, and the two of them had bickered for fifteen minutes straight on whether Seokmin would actually be able to complete it. Seokmin said that of course he could, and Joshua said he definitely could not.

(In the end, it turned out that Seokmin could not, but Joshua helped him finish it anyway.)

When Joshua pushed, Seokmin pulled. Where Joshua was cat-like, easy grins and quick thoughts, Seokmin was puppy-like, bright and boundless energy and endless kindness. Seokmin could never say no to anyone, and while Joshua was getting a little better at it, he could still never say no to Seokmin.

A myriad of not-quite contradictions, of almost-opposites and nearly-differents. Of “Shua hyung?”s and “Yes Seokmin?”s and “Nothing, I just wanted to see if you were still listening to me”s.

Soulmates, but in the truest sense of the word—the person whose soul was meant to reside next to his.

Joshua set down the teaspoon, frowning thoughtfully. When he put it like that, it did sound an awful lot like they were in love. Perhaps he should’ve realised he’d fallen for Seokmin a lot sooner.

Because that was what it was, wasn’t it? Joshua had fallen for Seokmin, perhaps long, long ago, fallen for his entire being and everything he was.

And it took him listening to Seokmin’s laugh to finally realise.

His phone rang, then, a wonderful tune of Jeonghan screaming really loudly that the man had set as the custom ringtone for himself, and with a sigh, Joshua set down his coffee and picked up.

“What do you want?”

“Let’s go out.”

“No thanks. I’m flattered, Han, but I don’t like you in that way.”

“Idiot,” Jeonghan said, and Joshua chuckled. “Come on, let’s go for a walk down the river.”

Joshua hummed, looking down at his coffee, tracing a finger over the rim of the mug. “What if I have plans? And what if I don’t want to go out?”

“Joshuji. If you were busy, you wouldn’t have picked up so fast,” Jeonghan said, tone patronising, like this was obvious. “It’s a very nice day for a walk today, you know. Also, Seungcheol’s coming. We all wanna go on a walk together, so join us.”

That made Joshua wrinkle his nose. “No thanks. I don’t have plans to be a third wheel today.”

There was a pause.

“I’ll ask Seokmin to come too.”

Joshua blinked, and then cursed his own heart for jumping hopefully at the mere mention of Seokmin’s name. “And why are you telling me that?”

“Just because,” Jeonghan said, and Joshua could almost picture his flippant shrug. “He said he hasn’t seen you in a week. Have you been avoiding him, hm?”

“No,” Joshua said, and then coughed. Jeonghan hummed sceptically at his words.

“Sure.”

“Why would I be avoiding him?” Joshua continued. “He can come invade my home whenever he wants. He’s done it before. I’m not avoiding him.”

Joshua was definitely avoiding him.

It had been a week since their friendaversary dinner, and Joshua hadn’t seen Seokmin once, too preoccupied with sitting on his couch, staring blankly at the wall and contemplating the fact that he was in love with Seokmin.

He couldn’t bring himself to see Seokmin, not just yet—not before he was sure that he wouldn’t do something utterly ridiculous when they next saw each other. He wasn’t keen on abruptly professing his love the moment he saw Seokmin’s face. Or ruffling his hair and kissing his cheeks and staring, wide-eyed and in awe as Seokmin did something painfully ordinary, like breathing or being alive or just smiling even remotely in Joshua’s direction.

Joshua blinked rapidly as suddenly, his thoughts conjured a vivid image of Seokmin beaming at him, his sunshine smile glowing prettily in his mind’s eye.

“Maybe Seokmin wants you to be the one to come and see him first,” Jeonghan suggested when Joshua didn’t say anything.

Joshua ignored him, dragging a hand down his face. “Why would you telling me that Seokmin’s coming change my answer, though?”

“Oh, it will,” Jeonghan said cheerfully. “I know things, Shuji. So come on out, we’ll meet at the front of Cheol’s house in fifteen minutes. See you.”

He hung up, then, leaving Joshua to stare down at the blinking contact, shaking his head and wondering whether Jeonghan actually knew something or if he was just being Jeonghan yet again.

And then, he got up from the sofa and went to his room to get ready.

───────────── ‘✦,

Yoon Jeonghan, that little rat.

“Yoon Jeonghan, that little rat,” Joshua muttered, watching as Jeonghan walked away, arm slung over Seungcheol’s shoulders. It was a bit of a struggle, because Seungcheol was one broad guy, but Jeonghan managed.

Of course he did. He'd do anything to ensure the success of his schemes, and this was all part of his ploy to abandon Joshua with Seokmin.

Seokmin, who was pressed close to his side, as they both watched Jeonghan and Seungcheol walk away.

Seokmin, who just turned to Joshua with a bright smile, seemingly undeterred by Jeonghan’s horrific betrayal.

“Well,” he chirped, eyes crinkling prettily, and suddenly Jeonghan’s betrayal didn’t feel so bad. “Guess we get to spend the rest of the afternoon as just the two of us!”

Indeed they did.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol had been with them for a total of forty five minutes before suddenly, an inescapable emergency emerged, one that urgently required both of them to rush home and leave Seokmin and Joshua alone. Not before insisting that they had to finish the walk together, of course.

Cursing Jeonghan inwardly, Joshua plastered a smile onto his face, a smile that softened into something a little more genuine as Seokmin continued beaming.

“Yeah. Seems like it’s just us.”

The gentle rushing sounds of the river seemed to gurgle in harmony with Seokmin as the younger resumed his chattering, the two of them continuing their leisurely strolling alongside the river.

It really was a nice day for a walk. Joshua hadn’t really had the chance to appreciate how pleasant everything was that day, too busy avoiding Seokmin and even trying to squish himself between Jeonghan and Seungcheol so that he didn’t have to talk to Seokmin for too long and stare into those pretty, pretty eyes.

But now Joshua had no choice but to walk with Seokmin and so, accepting his fate, he was able to look around and acknowledge that today truly was a nice day.

The sun shone brightly, glistening and glinting off of the waves of the river, off of the leaves of the trees, off of the sparkles in Seokmin’s eyes. There was a pleasant breeze, rustling the reeds and ruffling Seokmin’s hair and giving him an adorably windswept fringe that he kept brushing back with one, delicate finger. It was a nice day to look out at the picturesque river, at the general public going about their daily business, at Seokmin’s adorable eye crinkles as he animatedly told a story.

Okay. Maybe Joshua spent half the time staring at Seokmin’s face rather than doing anything else.

It was kind of unavoidable, however, given the way that Seokmin was comfortably pressed into his side, his hands warm as they tucked themselves into the crook of Joshua’s elbow, clinging to him in a way that Joshua, admittedly, thought was very adorable. And Seokmin kept talking, his voice bright and bubbly and every time he smiled, Joshua had no choice but to direct his full attention to Seokmin and Seokmin only.

“And I just watched them the entire time, seeing what they would do after they saw the seagull slip on the log and fall off. Because surely they’d try to go around the log, right? But then the ducks just—” Seokmin cut himself off, one hand coming up to muffle the laugh that escaped his lips, and Joshua found himself smiling too.

“The ducks did what?”

“They just waddled up to the log and one by one slipped off and landed into the water,” Seokmin laughed, and mimicked a duck’s waddle with his head before putting on a dramatically surprised face and pretending to fall into imaginary water.

It had Joshua laughing, endeared, steadying Seokmin as the younger stumbled into him. They really were walking quite close together.

This was the unfortunate thing about being friends with a Lee Seokmin for five years. The man developed a complete lack of understanding for something called ‘Joshua’s personal space’.

It was a concept that didn’t exist. Not to him, not when they’d known each other for far too long after Jeonghan had introduced Joshua to him all those years ago. For Seokmin, it was totally natural to be practically walking together as one person with Joshua as they made their way down the riverbank. Totally normal for him to be leaning into Joshua most of the time, rather than actually standing on his own two feet.

Joshua wouldn’t normally have a problem with it. He was well aware of Seokmin’s clinginess, and would either respond by pushing him away or letting him do what he wanted, without thinking too much about it.

Now, though. Now things were different.

Because he was in love with Seokmin, and that made everything a lot harder.

“Did you know that ducks are half-nocturnal?” Seokmin said abruptly, and Joshua blinked.

“I did not know that,” he said. “Why do you know that?”

Seokmin just shrugged casually, his shoulder bumping against Joshua’s. “Got bored,” he said. “Remember, like, a month ago, when you just kept talking about all your different cousins for an hour straight and you accused me of not listening to you?”

“I do. You started sulking.”

“Yeah!” Seokmin grinned, like it was no big deal. “Well, I lied to you, hyung. I wasn’t listening. I was searching up duck facts.”

“Wow.” Joshua stared at him. “You’d choose searching up duck facts over listening to your own hyung talk? I’m hurt, Seokmin. How could you?”

Seokmin only laughed, reaching out for Joshua when the elder dramatically ripped his arm away from his hold, beginning to speed-walk down the path away from him. It didn’t take long for Seokmin to catch up with him again, latching himself to his side once more, even when Joshua refused to look at him.

“Shua hyung, I didn’t mean it like that,” Seokmin whined, pouting. When Joshua didn’t react, he whined again. “Shua hyung! Hey, hey, pay attention to me.”

Joshua steadfastly avoided looking over at Seokmin. Part of it was to keep up the act of being mad at him, but part of it was because if he looked over at Seokmin at that moment, there was a good chance that Joshua would simply combust on the spot.

When Seokmin pouted like that with his huge, round puppy eyes and made those whining sounds in the back of his throat, it was so utterly endearing that it took everything in Joshua to not just fall to his knees right then and there. Seokmin was quite easily one of the most adorable people that Joshua knew, and what made matters worse was the fact that Seokmin didn’t really seem to know just how adorable he really was.

“Shua hyung,” Seokmin said again, very sadly, and Joshua finally looked at him. The moment they made eye contact, Seokmin’s entire being positively lit up, and Joshua had to look away again.

Goodness. It was so hard being in love.

“Alright, I forgive you,” Joshua said, before Seokmin could do something ridiculous like pout all pathetically and whine out a sad Shua hyung again.

“Cool!” Seokmin said instantly, beaming, the earlier sadness wiped from his expression like it never even existed in the first place. “That’s good, ‘cause you’re my favourite hyung, Shua hyung, so I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

Seokmin sounded like he was teasing, when he said it like that, but Joshua couldn’t be too sure. Thinking about it for too long made his head feel all dizzy.

Woah. This really wasn’t good.

While Joshua didn’t necessarily dislike being in love with Seokmin, because it was impossible to put the word ‘dislike’ and ‘Seokmin’ in the same sentence, it dawned on him now that it made it very hard to function normally around the younger man. It made him feel all melty and gooey inside whenever Seokmin so much as looked over at him, and when Seokmin smiled, Joshua could feel himself melt and could hardly even think straight for several seconds after.

But, well. Seokmin was grinning widely at him, tugging his arm to pull him along the path and saying there was normally a very nice lady selling roses on the riverbank and wouldn’t Shua hyung like a rose too?, and he was being just so very Seokmin that it made Joshua smile.

“Of course,” he said, chuckling, as Seokmin slipped his hand into his and they began jogging down the path. “Of course I’d love a rose. Only if you’re paying, though.”

───────────── ‘✦,

“I'm in love with Seokmin,” Joshua declared, loudly, the moment he opened the door to Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s shared apartment.

Seungcheol blinked at him from the hallway, a half-eaten slice of toast on the floor from where he’d dropped it in surprise at Joshua's sudden entrance.

“Um. Nice to know?” he said. “Took you long enough, though.”

Joshua blinked back at him. “Where’s Jeonghan? Why are you here?”

“Hey. I live here, you know,” Seungcheol pointed out, before bending down and picking up his slice of toast. He winced down at the crumbs. “Dang, that’s gonna bring in ants. Also, why are you here?” he asked, in Joshua’s direction. “And how did your date with Seokmin go?”

“It was not a—wait, if you knew I wasn’t in love with Seokmin yet, why did you set us up like that? How did you know I’d fall in love with him in the first place?”

“Because you’re you,” Jeonghan said, emerging from somewhere with a handheld vacuum cleaner in hand. He handed it to Seungcheol, who stared at him like he was some sort of holy saviour. “And because Seokmin’s Seokmin. It was bound to happen at some point.”

Joshua frowned. “That doesn't make sense.”

“Believe what you wanna believe,” Jeonghan said, shrugging. “Anyway, why did you barge into our apartment like this?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Joshua frowned again. “I hate you for abandoning us today at the river.”

“Hey, we were being helpful!” Jeonghan said, over the sound of Seungcheol noisily vacuuming up the crumbs. “Did you not have a good time? Seokmin even bought you a rose, it seems.”

“What?” Joshua looked down at the plastic-wrapped rose in his hands. He’d come straight from his walk with Seokmin to Jeonghan’s apartment, and he’d completely forgotten that he was still holding the rose. “How can you be so sure that Seokmin bought it for me? Maybe I bought it for myself.”

Jeonghan smiled, all-knowing. “This is Seokmin we’re talking about, Joshuji.”

“So?”

“So,” Jeonghan said, “you should come in. Or do you wanna stay by the doorway forever?”

Fifteen minutes later, Jeonghan had ushered him into the living room and seemed to be attempting to stuff Joshua with all the snacks in the world before he left.

Joshua sighed. “Come on, Jeonghan, why are you—”

Jeonghan simply shoved a lollipop into Joshua’s mouth, effectively shutting him up. “Shh. Let me do the talking, okay?”

“Hey, I’m the one who came to talk to you,” Joshua protested, taking the lollipop out only for Jeonghan to shove it back in again. “Why are you—What do you even have to say to me—”

“I have a lot of stuff to say to you,” Jeonghan said, and then his face abruptly morphed into a stern expression. “I am very displeased with your behaviour, Joshua-ssi.” He waved a finger in Joshua’s direction. “You haven’t been treating Seokmin well.”

Joshua choked on his lollipop. “What?”

“You’ve been avoiding him,” Jeonghan said, still in that stern tone.

“Avoiding him? What do you mean?”

Jeonghan straightened, adjusting imaginary glasses and began listing off of his fingers. “First, you talked to Seokmin for a grand total of 7 minutes and 43 seconds during our friendaversary dinner the other week. Out of a five hour gathering? That’s terrible.”

“Were you timing us?”

“Next, you ignore him for a whole week. You don’t call him, nor do you reply to his texts, nor do you even text him first.”

“I never reply to anyone’s texts.”

“And then today,” Jeonghan declared, throwing his hands up like a grand climax, “you did everything in your power to avoid him entirely while we were all walking together. I’m terribly displeased with you, Joshua-ssi.”

Joshua raised a hand confusedly, the lollipop held in the other. “Okay, Jeonghan, what are you talking about? Why are you displeased?” he asked. “Also can we, uh, backtrack a bit? You didn’t fully acknowledge the… thing.” He reddened slightly. “The fact that I have, uh, feelings for… him.”

“Hm?” Jeonghan unwrapped a chocolate, offering it to Joshua before abruptly popping it into his own mouth. “Oh, I knew about that.”

Joshua’s eyes widened. “How?”

“That dinner, for starters,” Jeonghan said with his mouth full. He shook his head at Joshua’s surprise, the ‘you’re being weird right now’ tone clear in his voice. “Honestly, did you black out for the entire evening? You were watching Seokmin the entire time, Joshua. Seungcheol even has a video.”

“I do,” Seungcheol said, his voice appearing out of nowhere right over Joshua’s shoulder, making him jump.

“Oh my—Where did you come from?”

Seungcheol just grinned, whipping out his phone and showing Joshua the video.

And the video was… pretty incriminating. It was a little blurry, made ambiguous by the haze of smoke wafting from the meat and the frankly terrible cameraman-ship, but Joshua could recognise himself easily.

He watched as video-Joshua sat back in his chair, glass in hand, and there were about five people standing up and yelling at each other on screen but video-Joshua’s gaze was unmistakably, undeniably fixed on Seokmin and Seokmin alone, eyes crinkling adoringly, smiling so ridiculously wide as Seokmin just continued talking, entirely oblivious.

Seokmin said something intelligible, words lost to the noise of the restaurant, but video-Joshua just smiled even wider, eyes turning into endeared crescents and Joshua could almost see the hearts emanating from his own gaze.

“Huh,” he said weakly, once Seungcheol vanished after showing him the video. Like he was nothing more than a cameo in Jeonghan's entire interrogation, or something. “Well.”

Jeonghan nodded, smug. “Although, I did know even before that,” he added. “I predicted it from the moment you first met him. I wanted to show you the video, though, because it makes it pretty obvious.”

“The mome—you know what, I’m not going to ask,” Joshua said, and then sighed. “Alright, so you know. And you have nothing to say about it?”

“Other than the fact you should stop being mean to Seokmin?” Jeonghan shrugged, taking out another chocolate and eating it. “Nope. You guys would be great together.”

“What?” Decidedly ignoring that last statement, Joshua waved the lollipop he was still holding in Jeonghan’s direction, annoyed, and in answer, Jeonghan just shoved it back in his mouth again. “I’m not being mean to him. When am I ever mean to him?”

He took the lollipop out of his mouth again and then set it down on the coffee table, ignoring the affronted noise Jeonghan made when the sticky sweet came into contact with the wood.

This entire conversation was not going how Joshua thought it would. He’d expected at least some degree of surprise from Jeonghan, maybe even a little bit of comfort whilst Joshua had a small mental breakdown in front of him. He certainly hadn’t expected Jeonghan to somehow already know everything, even before Joshua knew. Nor had he expected to be scolded for how he’d dealt with his feelings.

“This past week! I just told you, Joshua-ssi,” Jeonghan said.

“Can you stop calling me ‘Joshua-ssi’? It makes it sound like you’re mad at me.”

“I am mad at you,” Jeonghan responded, sniffing and turning his nose up. “Okay, but seriously, Seokmin thought that he’d done something wrong. He thought you were upset at him, which is exactly why I made you come out on that walk today.” He stabbed a finger in Joshua’s direction. “You, sir, are terrible at handling your feelings.”

Joshua sighed. “Can you blame me, though? Being in love is—is weird. Seokmin is just so…” He paused, wringing his hands. “He’s so sweet and kind and genuine and realising that you’ve fallen for someone like that is, I think, a very justifiable cause for having a breakdown for a week.”

Jeonghan frowned. “It makes it sound like you don’t think he’d like you back.”

“Of course he wouldn't,” Joshua said, like it was obvious. “He’s Seokmin, and I’m—” Joshua swallowed, a lump rising in his throat. “I’m just me.”

“Just you?”

“Look at it this way,” Joshua explained, since apparently Jeonghan didn’t understand this horribly simple concept of Joshua being literally a potato compared to Seokmin. “Seokmin is a star, a brilliantly shining ball of light. And then this is me.”

Joshua unwrapped one of the chocolates, holding up the brown ball. Jeonghan blinked at it, before taking both the wrapper and chocolate from him, popping the treat into his mouth.

“I still don’t get it,” Jeonghan said. “So what? Chocolate is yummy.”

“I like him too much to risk melting away under his Sun, if I get too close,” Joshua explained, and then shook his head. “Seriously, I like him so much, Jeonghan. Him and his smile and his laugh and that ridiculously loud voice of his…” He smiled slightly, and then sighed. “I like Seokmin far too much to risk even thinking about if he could like me back. It’d ruin our friendship.”

Jeonghan tilted his head. “Is it really that absurd to consider that Seokmin may like you back?”

Joshua thought of Seokmin and his golden smiles, his beautiful bright voice and his gentle hands and his warm presence, and swallowed.

“Yeah,” he said, a little hoarsely. “I think it is.”

There was a short silence then, as Jeonghan bit his lip, seeming to soften a little at Joshua’s answer, a complicated expression filling his eyes.

Then he leaned over and hit Joshua over the head with the chocolate wrapper.

“Hey!” Joshua protested, brushing at his hair. “Why did you do that?”

“Because you’re an idiot,” Jeonghan said matter-of-factly. “You think it’s absurd? I think you’re absurd, Joshuji.” Oh, good, at least he wasn’t calling Joshua ‘Joshua-ssi’ anymore. “You're being a coward. Don’t deny it, it’s true. Taking a whole week to process your feelings? Please. You were just hiding because you were scared.”

That made Joshua wince a little, because Jeonghan was, unfortunately, quite correct.

“Just take that leap,” Jeonghan said, gentler. He poked Joshua in the cheek affectionately. “Jump. Jump towards Seokmin, Joshuji, because I promise, he’ll be there for you. Even if he doesn’t feel the same. Which, I assure you, is highly unlikely.”

Joshua’s eyes melted, irises looking a little shiny. “But what if I jump and just… fall?”

“He’d never let that happen,” Jeonghan promised. “Jump and fall into him, Joshuji. He’s there to catch you.”

───────────── ‘✦,

It was only a few days later that Joshua realised Jeonghan had essentially told him to confess. Luckily for Joshua, though, there was no way on Earth that was happening.

“You’re an idiot,” Jeonghan said into his ear. “The biggest idiot I’ve ever met. Even more of an idiot than Mingyu, which is definitely saying something.”

“I’m not doing it, Jeonghan,” Joshua said with a shake of his head. “I don’t know why you thought that I would.”

“I gave you a whole emotional speech and everything! Of course I thought you would!”

Jeonghan had called him five minutes ago, asking if everything had been going well in regards to ‘The Business’, where it had been revealed that Joshua a) had no idea what ‘The Business’ was, and b) had not gone through with it at all.

“Listen, Joshua. Seokmin, he’s always talking ab—” Jeonghan cut himself off again with a frustrated groan. “I’m friends with idiots. All of you are idiots.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Please do it,” Jeonghan said, and now he sounded like he was begging. Joshua didn’t quite know why. It wasn’t like the world would end if he didn’t confess. “For my peace of mind, please confess.”

“For your peace of mind?” Joshua repeated. “What?”

“The weather looks pretty good next weekend,” Jeonghan added. “Seokmin hasn’t gone to the amusement park in a while. He’s always said he wanted to go on the ferris wheel, even though he’s scared of heights. And you know how much of a romantic at heart Seokmin is.”

Joshua frowned. “Why are you telling me this?”

“You know why.” Jeonghan didn’t add anything further to that statement. “Anyway, I gotta go. See you. Make use of this info, okay?”

“What am I even meant to use it f—Jeonghan? Jeonghan?” Joshua looked down at his phone, where Jeonghan had abruptly hung up on him, mystified. He really wished sometimes that Jeonghan would do things that made sense.

He set down his phone, tilted his head back, and sighed. He was sighing an awful lot these days. He was just considering whether being in love could give you some sort of illness that caused excessive sighing when his phone rang again, but this time with a different ringtone: Seokmin’s ringtone.

Joshua had annoying and clingy friends who, apparently, really loved customising their ringtones on his phone.

“Hello, Seokmin,” Joshua said, unable to stop the small smile spreading across his face as the name left his lips. “How are you?”

“Good evening, Shua hyung,” Seokmin chirped, and he sounded so lovely and bright that the smile on Joshua's face widened a little. “I’m doing good! I was just calling because it’s a Friday, and we normally call on Fridays, so I was just—I wanted to call you.” He fumbled with his words, stumbling a bit before hurriedly adding, “Of course, if you’re busy, we don’t have to talk! Since, like, we didn’t call last week, if you don’t want to from now on then I totally respect your decision, you know?”

“No, it’s okay,” Joshua interrupted, before Seokmin could begin spiralling. “I mean. Yes. I’d like that. For us to continue calling, that is.”

“Oh. Really?”

“Yeah,” Joshua said, biting his lip to stop himself from smiling ridiculously wide to himself. “Yeah, really.”

“Oh,” Seokmin said again, after a flusteredly warm silence. He coughed a little. “Um, in which case, I’d really like that too.”

Joshua closed his eyes and leaned back, smiling into the phone and trying desperately to calm down his heart because goodness, it should be illegal for someone to make him feel this fluttery on the inside.

“So, anyway,” Seokmin said, and even Joshua could detect the smile in his voice, “I heard that it’s going to be really sunny for the next week or so! Seungkwan wants to plan a long weekend where we all go to the beach to make the most of the sun.”

“Does he really?” Joshua said, with a laugh. “Just because it’s sunny doesn’t mean it’ll be warm, though.”

“That’s exactly what I told him! But he’s still insisting we go,” Seokmin complained.

“What, all of us?”

“I think so. He’ll definitely drag me along, at the very least. Me and Soonyoung hyung and Hansol and Chan. Chan’s definitely going to ditch, though,” Seokmin said conspiratorially. “I think he’s gonna make up some pretend event that he accidentally double-booked himself with so that he doesn’t have to go.”

“Oh, really?” Joshua said with a laugh. “Seungkwan’s not gonna like that at all.”

Seokmin laughed too, bright and delighted, and if possible, Joshua’s smile widened. “He’s really not. I’m also really hoping he’s joking. Because otherwise, I might have to accidentally double-book myself too so I don’t have to go.”

“What would you double-book yourself with?”

“Hm, well…”

Joshua liked talking to Seokmin. Not only because he was in love with him (a fact he was slowly getting used to, having repeated the words so many times to himself) but because Seokmin was an incredibly fun person.

Without a doubt, every time they talked, Joshua would find himself laughing, either because of something he’d said or in response to Seokmin’s own laughter.

And as Seokmin continued talking, little laughs escaping him whenever he thought of something particularly funny, Joshua listened intently, the smile still on his face. Seokmin really did have such a wonderful laugh, he thought, a little fondly. Beautiful, like golden bursts of light.

“Poor Hansol’s gonna get dragged into Seungkwan’s whole thing, though,” Seokmin was saying, and then laughed. “He's so whipped that he’ll literally do anything that he wants, no questions asked.”

Joshua chuckled. “That sounds like a very Hansol thing to do.”

“Yeah,” Seokmin laughed, “So Seungkwan’s telling us to keep next weekend free. So of course, I’m gonna do my best to book up my entire weekend.”

Joshua chuckled, about to say something before blinking, Jeonghan’s weird information dump from earlier suddenly hitting him like a lightning bolt, as if someone had struck him on the head with it to remind him of Jeonghan’s words.

“Hey, Seokmin,” he said after a moment. “If you’re trying to book up your weekend, then do you want to go to the amusement park with me?”

A pause.

“Seokmin?”

“Sorry, sorry.” Seokmin sounded a little wheezy, like he’d run a marathon in those last three seconds of silence. “What did you say?”

“I was asking if you wanted to go to the amusement park with me,” Joshua repeated, trying to keep his voice steady and calm. If he started having a breakdown at that moment, there was a good chance that Seokmin would say no. Maybe. Probably.

Another pause.

“Seokmin?”

“Yes,” Seokmin replied, the word leaving him as a rush of air. “Sorry, hyung, there was just—something. I had something in my, uh, ear. But yes. I’d love to go to the amusement park with you next week.”

Joshua breathed a silent sigh of relief, the beginnings of a smile making the corners of his lips twitch upwards. “You would?”

“Yeah, of course I would!” Seokmin said a little too quickly, and then coughed. “I mean. Yes. You’re my favourite, how could I not?”

That made Joshua laugh, certain that Seokmin was teasing, just like how they always teased each other. “You’re my favourite too,” he said back, smiling. “Okay, in which case, I’ll book the tickets and text you the details, okay? Would you prefer Saturday or Sunday?”

“Any. We can even go both days so I can avoid Seungkwan’s trip, if you’d like,” Seokmin offered, and Joshua laughed again.

“Got it. Well, I guess it’s a date,” he said, too delighted at the prospect of spending time with Seokmin like this to fully process the words until they had left his mouth.

To his surprise, however, Seokmin didn’t seem to freak out, or pause for a scarily long time that made Joshua rethink his entire life’s decisions.

Instead, Seokmin laughed: a sweet, melting sound, all delicate and tiny, like little stars.

“I guess it’s a date,” he agreed, almost shy. Joshua didn’t get to dwell on it for long, though, because Seokmin was already launching into the next conversation topic that popped into his head, rambling about some new training regiment thing that Mingyu recently dragged him into that left him with an aching body for days on end.

And Joshua listened, the smile dancing across his lips, the blush warm on his cheeks, realising that he’d finally accepted that he was in love with Seokmin, now, and he wanted only one thing.

To stay close, by Seokmin’s side, and jump and fall right into his arms.

───────────── ‘✦,

“So that’s how I ended up securing this date,” Joshua finished, and Jeonghan stared at him, eyes wide, mouth open.

“You actually did it,” he said, the surprise evident in his tone. “Wow. I thought you’d chicken out again.”

Joshua punched Jeonghan in the shoulder, giving the man a wry smile. “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” he said dryly. “This isn’t even a real date, though. I don’t know why you insisted on coming to drop me off.”

The two of them were waiting outside the amusement park entrance, because Joshua had told Jeonghan that he’d booked the tickets for himself and Seokmin, and the man had instantly insisted that he’d drive Joshua there and hear all about how it had happened.

So here they were, chatting and standing around, waiting for Seokmin to arrive.

Jeonghan shrugged. “I wanted to hear the story.”

“Of course you did,” Joshua said, not unkindly, a small smile raising the corners of his lips. “No but, also, I realised something, during that conversation.”

“What?”

“I had time to think it all over, right? And I was just thinking that I didn’t really want to run away from him,” Joshua explained. He smiled, his gaze distant. “I want to stay close to him. ‘Cause I really, really like him a lot.”

Jeonghan looked over at his best friend, noting the way his eyes had softened in the way they only did when he was thinking about Seokmin. He smiled to himself, before punching Joshua in the arm as payback, shaking the man out of his thoughts.

“Good,” Jeonghan said with a smile. “It’ll break Seokmin’s heart if you try to stay away from him.”

Joshua chuckled. “You’re saying that as if Seokmin has a crush on me.”

Jeonghan wiggled his eyebrows. “He might. Who knows? Maybe he’ll end up falling for your ridiculous charms today.”

Joshua laughed at that, properly, and then punched Jeonghan in the arm just because, prompting the two of them to get into a childish little punching fight. Eventually, Jeonghan conceded with a haughty sniff, as if he’d abruptly decided he was above such petty disputes.

Then he stuck his tongue out at Joshua, making him laugh.

“So, anyways,” Jeonghan said, simply carrying on with the previous conversation as if they’d never stopped, “remember. Seokmin likes the ferris wheel, so take him on it, will you? He might talk about it, but he’ll be too shy to offer to go on it, so you need to be the one who asks,” Jeonghan said.

“Why do I need to take him on the ferris wheel?”

“Because Seokmin wants it.”

“Oh.” Joshua thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. “Sure. I’ll do that. Anything else?”

Jeonghan hummed thoughtfully, before shrugging. “Nothing that you don’t know already. He loves the snacks. Buy the matching headbands if he so much as mentions them. Don’t go on any roller coasters unless he sounds like he wants to go on them. Make sure that you win him at least one plushie otherwise he’ll sulk for hours.”

Joshua smiled a little at that, because he really did know all of that already. “Got it. It’s a good thing I’m better than you at those fairground games, huh?”

He received another punch on the arm for that comment.

“Shua hyung!”

A bright, delighted voice made him look up, however, and when he finally pinpointed the voice, there was Seokmin, a brilliant beam on his face as he ran over to where Joshua and Jeonghan were standing, and Joshua’s heart positively swelled at the sight.

“Hi,” Seokmin said, a little breathless, when he finally came to a stop beside him. His eyes were shining.

“Hi yourself,” Joshua said back, smiling.

Seokmin beamed, before seeming to finally notice Jeonghan’s presence, looking over at the elder who was watching them with a slight smirk on his face. Almost imperceptibly, the smile on Seokmin’s face wavered.

“Oh, Jeonghan hyung. Are you, uh, joining us?” he asked. “Is it gonna be me, Shua hyung… and you?”

Jeonghan blinked, and then chuckled. “No, no. I just came to drop Joshua off, and make sure you arrived safely too. I wouldn’t want to impose on your date.” He patted Joshua on the shoulder, and then pinched Seokmin’s cheek, steadfastly ignoring the way both of them looked a little flushed. “Be safe, you two. Don’t stay out too late.”

“It’s an amusement park, not a club,” Seokmin laughed, and he eagerly waved Jeonghan off, already interlinking his arm with Joshua’s. “Bye, hyung! Drive safely!”

Joshua watched Jeonghan go, and had the pleasure of having a scarily intense conversation through eye contact with him, one that was mainly full of messages of Be good to him and You better take that leap today otherwise I’m coming after you before Joshua finally turned away.

Damn. Jeonghan really could be intimidating when he wanted to.

“Well,” Seokmin said brightly, making Joshua look over at him. He looked like he was glowing with excitement. “Shall we go in?”

His lips lifted upwards, a soft pink curve of happiness, and Joshua smiled too, using their linked arms to ever-so-subtly pull Seokmin just a little closer into his side.

───────────── ‘✦,

“Oh, hyung, look at that! Are those balloons? Are they selling balloons?”

Going to an amusement park with Seokmin, Joshua was quickly realising, was a lot like venturing into a sweet shop with an excitable child.

Chaotic.

Seokmin was a ball of energy, bouncing on his feet and vibrating by Joshua’s side the moment they entered. The golden-brown puppy ears of the headband he was wearing bobbed up and down with his movements as he dragged Joshua around the park by the hand, eagerly pointing towards the man selling large, obnoxious metallic balloons like they were the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

Joshua just laughed, letting Seokmin pull him along, the ears of his own headband flopping against his head. He was wearing a headband too, because of course he was, because Seokmin had picked up the white bunny ears and claimed that they fit him so well, so who was Joshua to refuse?

They almost looked like a couple, with their adorable headbands.

Thinking about it for too long made Joshua feel all squiggly and happy inside, though, so he tried not to think at all and instead let Seokmin do whatever he wanted.

“Can we buy one, Shua hyung? Please?” Seokmin asked, turning to Joshua with big, shining eyes, and really, it was like this entire day was trying to test whether Joshua really would never say no to Seokmin.

“Sure,” Joshua said, smiling when Seokmin’s eyes crinkled delightedly. “Which one do you want?”

Seokmin glowed. “That shiny strawberry one!”

And so, the rest of their date-not-date carried on. Joshua held onto the string of the strawberry balloon, following Seokmin around as the younger man bounced across the amusement park, hyped up on all the sugar that Joshua had been feeding him. Seokmin looked around the park with a child-like fascination, eyes big and round like he’d never been to an amusement park before, and it made Joshua laugh, endeared, offering Seokmin more candy floss and churros and letting Seokmin grab his wrist and pull him through the park.

“I haven’t been to an amusement park in ages,” Seokmin said to him when they were riding the carousel for the third time in a row. He leaned over to Joshua, bobbing up and down slowly on his horse, nudging the elder in the side with a grin. “Thank you for taking me here.”

“Of course,” Joshua replied, eyes crinkling, patting Seokmin on the back. “I’m glad you’re having fun.”

Seokmin’s eyes sparkled. The flashy golden lights of the carousel made him look like he was glowing from an ethereal light within as he beamed widely.

“I’m having the best time,” Seokmin confirmed. “Way better than Seungkwan will, anyway.” Joshua tilted his head with a smile.

“Oh?”

“I bet the others are suffering right now,” Seokmin confided gleefully, as his horse gently rose up and down. “Seungkwan managed to beg Junhui hyung and Chan to come with him.”

“Wait. They really went to the beach?” Joshua asked, surprised.

“Mhm!” Seokmin nodded. “Kwan didn’t let Chan double-book himself, and then he went all sulky on Junhui until hyung caved. And then Hansol’s with him too, because duh.”

Joshua chuckled a little at that. “I can’t believe he went through with it. Well, it certainly is sunny today, so maybe they’ll still have a good time?”

Seokmin laughed. “It’s going to be so cold along the coast,” he said, delighted. “They’re gonna freeze!”

His obvious joy at their friends’ misfortunes was rather adorable, and it had Joshua laughing properly, the squeaky carousel music and Seokmin’s laughter ringing in his ears.

After they’d ridden the carousel thrice, Seokmin took Joshua to the photobooths, and then went hunting for more snacks, adamant about avoiding all the rollercoasters with a determined pout on his face that Joshua, devastatingly, thought was terribly cute.

Joshua was content to allow Seokmin to dictate whatever they did, paying close attention to the younger’s expressions, dutifully carrying around that strawberry balloon, buying snacks, watching a rip-off ‘Punch and Judy’ puppet show with him, and taking all the pictures for Seokmin whenever he wanted.

That was what they were doing right now, the balloon string tied around Joshua’s wrist so he could use both hands to take pictures of Seokmin with the giant shiba inu plushie that Joshua had just won him.

It had taken him a good half hour along with an obscene amount of money, and he’d almost given up countless times, but Seokmin was vibrating so hopefully by his side, so he’d carried on. Even when the guy manning the coconut shy stall looked at him like he was mad for putting so much effort into a silly fairground game, the look of utter joy on Seokmin’s face when Joshua handed the plushie to him more than made up for the struggle.

And it seemed that it was yet another item to add onto the list of ‘Ridiculous Things That Joshua Hong Would Do For Lee Seokmin’.

“Oh, wow, you look adorable,” Joshua said, amazed, as he looked through the photos he’d taken of Seokmin. “Look. The colours of your headband’s ears match the plushie, too.”

Seokmin leaned over, chin resting on his shoulder as he peered at the photos. “Oh, you’re right!” He laughed delightedly as Joshua handed the camera back to him. “Thank you so much, Shua hyung. These are so pretty.”

Joshua chuckled. You’re prettier, he wanted to say, but he swallowed the words down, smiling.

“It’s ‘cause the plushie is so pretty,” he teased, laughing as Seokmin glared at him. “Why? Do you not like it? Should I take the plushie away?”

Seokmin danced out of Joshua’s reach as the elder made as if to take the toy out of his arms. “No! No, never! You gave it to me, so it’s mine now,” he said, incredibly seriously, squishing the plushie protectively against his chest. “No take-backsies.”

He glared in faux anger, and Joshua laughed, relenting, putting his hands up placatingly. “Okay, okay, I won’t. Are you gonna give the plushie a name?”

“Hmm.” Instantly, the glare melted from Seokmin’s face, replaced by a thoughtful look as he drifted closer to Joshua again, patting the head of the shiba inu, bumping shoulders with him as he did so. “I’m not sure.”

“How about ‘Mingyu’?” Joshua suggested, grinning, chuckling when Seokmin elbowed him in the side.

“Never. He doesn’t get the honour of having the same name as something that Shua hyung won me,” Seokmin said, pursing his lips thoughtfully as he held the shiba inu up. “How about Seokmin Junior?”

Joshua wrinkled his nose at that, shaking his head. “No. That’s a terrible idea.”

Seokmin pouted, and Joshua just pinched his cheek affectionately, still thinking. He crossed his arms, and the movement made the metallic balloon (still tied to his wrist) shift too, the floating, bubblegum-pink strawberry balloon bumping against the side of his head. He looked over at it thoughtfully as he swatted it away.

“How about,” he said after a moment, “How about ‘Berry’?”

“Berry?” Seokmin repeated, and then looked at the plushie contemplatively. “Berry the shiba inu.” He looked up at Joshua, grinning. “I love it! It can be Berry the shiba inu.”

Joshua smiled, endeared by Seokmin’s sheer happiness as the younger hugged the plushie tight, pressing a kiss to its soft forehead. And then, because he couldn’t help it, he reached over and ruffled Seokmin’s hair fondly, and began to lead them away from the coconut stall.

“Alright. Where do you wanna go next, Seokmin?”

───────────── ‘✦,

They ended up in the line for the spinning teacups ride.

It was well and truly the afternoon now. They had been there since late morning, and Joshua’s feet kind of hurt from the amount of walking and standing they’d been doing, and even Seokmin was beginning to look a little uncomfortable as he shifted from foot to foot.

Nevertheless, neither of them suggested going back home, and Joshua couldn’t help but feel a little touched at the notion that Seokmin wanted to spend time as just the two of them just as much as Joshua did.

So here they were, patiently waiting in line, because Seokmin had suddenly gotten an eager, shining look in his eyes and insisted that he wanted to ride the spinning teacups even when Joshua had told him that it might make him sick. But Seokmin had been adamant, so here they were, leaning against the railing and watching the people getting into the teacups.

“Remember when we all went to the amusement park a few summers ago?” Seokmin was asking. He was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, vibrating. “It was so hot that day, and half of the rides had been shut down for maintenance, but we made the most of it.”

Joshua smiled a little. It had been a fun outing. They didn’t go out with all thirteen of them often, because it was a huge group of people to manage, but whenever they did, they split up into smaller groups for most of the day.

“You weren’t in our group, unfortunately,” Seokmin carried on, a smile spreading across his face as he reminisced, “but, oh, I really wish you had been! Myungho lost a game of rock, paper, scissors and had to be the one to go on this teacup ride with Jeonghan a total of seven times in a row. Seven!”

Joshua laughed as Seokmin animatedly recounted the event, his eyes round and earnest as he delightedly told Joshua all about how queasy Minghao had felt afterwards and how as karma, later on, Jeonghan ended up getting utterly soaked on the water boat ride.

Seokmin always recounted every story like it was the most important thing in the world, with a sincerity that was rather adorable, and Joshua would be lying if he denied paying attention to the gentle curl of Seokmin’s lips and the way they softened into the most endearing pout as he formed certain words.

He had a very soft mouth, Joshua thought idly. Despite the amount of talking Seokmin did, Joshua thought he had very kissable lips.

It would probably ruin a thousand things if he leaned in and kissed Seokmin right then and there, unfortunately, but oh, how much Joshua really, really wanted to.

Stars in his eyes, he watched as Seokmin talked animatedly, seemingly oblivious to the way that Joshua's entire inner monologue was nothing more than a chant of “please kiss me please kiss me please kiss me” repeating over and over again.

“So,” Seokmin finished, clasping his hands together, and Joshua finally zoned back into his ramblings. “I’m hoping our experience goes better, hyung!”

Joshua blinked, having heard the words that Seokmin was saying but only able to think of how utterly adorable he looked with his eyes shining like that. So as Seokmin beamed, bright and beautiful, he just smiled, reaching over and pinching Seokmin’s cheek, endeared.

“Of course,” Joshua said, and then winked cheesily. “Don’t worry. I’m here to protect you, Min-ah.”

Seokmin stared at him, his gaze coloured with playful disgust and another emotion that Joshua couldn’t quite name. He was about to say something else before the line finally started moving again, and it was at last their turn.

“Oh, hyung! Hyung, it’s finally us!” Seokmin exclaimed, delighted, the earlier emotion completely dissolving, replaced by giddy excitement. “Come on, we gotta go sit in the cup that spins the most!”

Seokmin dragged Joshua into the teacup that he claimed he’d seen spin the fastest, and after the brief safety introductions, the ride finally began.

“We have to spin it as hard as we can, okay,” Seokmin said, incredibly seriously. “Okay, hyung? Can you do that?”

“Of course. Can you?” Joshua teased, and Seokmin rolled his eyes.

“Duh! Hey, move over, you're taking up so much room on the wheel. Why are your hands so big?”

“As if you don't have huge hands too, Seokmin-ah—”

They bickered over having enough space on the wheel to spin it properly, but it didn’t take long for them to get going.

Seokmin relinquished control over the wheel a few seconds into the ride and Joshua ended up with both hands on it, spinning them around at a rate that was definitely not good for anyone's stomach because Seokmin kept on insisting they go as fast as possible even though he genuinely sounded close to tears and—well. This was the reason that Seokmin didn't go on rides often.

He was screaming with laughter, mouth open wide and refusing to close, and Joshua hardly thought he was able to breathe with how much he was laughing. Seokmin’s hands had slipped from the wheel and had instead found purchase in Joshua's shirt, doing nothing other than clinging to him and curling into his side, still screaming the entire time, sounding like he was both scared out of his mind and having the time of his life.

“Seokmin? Seokmin! Should I slow down?” Joshua yelled, because the wind was whipping in his ears, and he was sure that they looked like utter idiots to anyone who was watching them in the line.

Seokmin just screamed even louder, eyes squeezed shut, shaking his head rapidly and holding Joshua’s shirt like a lifeline. “If you slow down, I’m going to kill you!”

Joshua just laughed, tugging the wheel so hard that he almost sprained his wrist, but it made Seokmin yelp and squeeze himself further into Joshua’s side, the screams dissolving into laughs, and the bright, overjoyed sound was all that filled Joshua’s ears.

It was beautiful. Joshua was reminded, yet again, just how much he loved Seokmin’s laugh.

If it were up to him, then for as long as he lived, Joshua would make sure that Seokmin would always, always have a reason to laugh like this.

Eventually, the ride came to a stop, and Joshua let the wheel go, allowing the teacup to slow down at its own pace, the pink-fond chuckles lingering on his lips as Seokmin continued laughing, forehead pressed against Joshua’s shoulder.

“Oh, my God,” Seokmin breathed out in between giggles, breathless from how much he’d been laughing and screaming. “Wow.”

They exited the teacup, wobbling and stumbling around like baby deer on new, spindly legs, and Seokmin just giggled uncontrollably at his own uncoordinated state.

“We left the stuff over there, Seokmin,” Joshua said, staggering forward on unsteady feet towards where they’d left the shiba inu and the giant strawberry balloon and their headbands, because Seokmin had fretted that they'd lose them if they wore them on the teacups.

He tugged on Seokmin’s arm, because the man was walking in the completely opposite direction. The younger stumbled into him with a giggle.

“I knew that,” Seokmin laughed, and he sounded mildly drunk, the sound giddy and loud and making Joshua chuckle. As Seokmin grasped the balloon tied to the fence, however, he tripped on his feet, hands giving the balloon a sharp tug and suddenly, somehow, there was a loud pop as the balloon inexplicably burst in Seokmin’s hands.

They both jumped, and Seokmin stared wide-eyed at where the popped balloon pieces were scattered across the floor, plastic string in his hand, before turning to look at Joshua.

“Oh,” Joshua said, after a moment, and that was all it took for Seokmin to start giggling.

“It popped,” he laughed, almost in disbelief. “Hyung, the balloon popped!”

“What did you do?” Joshua asked, laughing a little as he shook his head, amazed. “How did you manage to pop the balloon just like that?”

Seokmin shrugged, giggles subsiding as he just grinned at the string in his hands. “I dunno. That’s so weird.” He pouted suddenly. “Aw, no, that means my strawberry balloon’s all gone.”

“There, there,” Joshua said consolingly, placing the puppy ears back on Seokmin’s head before picking up the plushie and handing it towards him too, beginning to lead them out of the spinning teacups area—albeit rather slowly, since they were both still wobbly on their feet. “But look, you still have Berry the shiba inu with you, don’t you?”

Instantly, Seokmin brightened, though it took a second for him to be able to hold the plushie without dropping it. He blinked his eyes hard several times, gaze focusing and unfocusing on the shiba inu as he pouted in concentration to get his vision steady again. Joshua could almost see the little cartoon birds flying in circles around his head as he kept a wobbly pace next to Joshua, grinning dopily down at the plushie before directing that same grin up at Joshua too.

Adorable.

It took several minutes, along with a good sitting-down session on a nearby bench, but eventually both of them stopped feeling like the world was being rattled around like a snow globe, and they sat side by side in comfortable silence as they watched the people walk by.

The sky was streaked with yellows now. It was nearing the end of the day, and Joshua calculated that they probably had time for one last game or snack before they eventually had to leave.

Then, his date-not-date with Seokmin would be over.

Hm. Joshua glanced over at Seokmin, heart twisting sadly. That was a sad thought.

“Seokmin,” Joshua said, nudging Seokmin in the side, “we’re gonna have to leave soon. Is there anything you want to do before we have to go?”

Seokmin turned to him, and Joshua had the wind knocked out of him for a second because wow, Seokmin was so pretty. The sun hadn’t dipped quite low enough for it to be classed as a sunset just yet, but the grey-yellow light across Seokmin’s face brought his cheekbones into sharp relief, silvery shadows being painted down his cheeks from his eyelashes every time he blinked, the soft shape of his mouth scrunched up in thought.

Humming contemplatively, Seokmin’s gaze slid away from him for a moment, and now that he was no longer staring right into the eyes of the most beautiful person on Earth, Joshua felt like he could finally breathe a little easier.

“Let’s do something that Shua hyung wants to do,” Seokmin said, smiling, and Joshua’s poor heart jumped into his throat once again.

“Something that I want to do?” Joshua asked, a little croaky. “Do you not have anything that you want?”

Seokmin just shrugged, smiling, strands of hair falling into his eyes as he ducked his head. “We’ve been doing the stuff that I wanted to do all day,” he said. “We should do something that Shua hyung wants, too.”

Joshua’s lips quirked into a fond smile, and he resisted the urge to tell Seokmin that all he wanted was to see Seokmin happy.

Instead, he just pinched Seokmin’s cheek affectionately, and gazed out at the rest of the park, looking around for something that he’d like to do.

But, as always, his gaze drifted back to Seokmin again. Seokmin, who had his eyes fixed on one certain structure in the distance, looking at it almost wistfully, and Joshua remembered what Jeonghan had told him several hours before.

“How about the ferris wheel?” he suggested softly, and smiled a little at the way that Seokmin instantly whipped his head round to blink at him, wide-eyed.

“The ferris wheel?”

“Do you not want to?” Joshua asked, double-checking, because while he was 90% sure that Jeonghan would never feed him false information that would make Seokmin uncomfortable, it was always good to make sure that he was really okay with it. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No! No, I—I want to.” Seokmin swallowed, and there were stars in his eyes. “I wanna ride the ferris wheel with you, hyung.”

Joshua smiled, heart feeling full to bursting as he reached over and brushed away the hair that fell into Seokmin’s eyes. Then he held out his hand, smiling impossibly wider when Seokmin reached for him without the slightest hesitation.

“Come on, then. Let’s go.”

───────────── ‘✦,

The line for the ferris wheel was relatively short, given the fact that it wasn’t long before the amusement park shut for the day, and Joshua and Seokmin didn’t have to stand in line for long before it was their turn.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Joshua checked for the fifth time as they boarded the carriage. “It goes relatively high, Seokmin. If you don’t want to, then it’s fine.”

Seokmin laughed as they each sat down on a bench in the carriage. “I’m fine, I promise. I think it’s a bit too late to get off, anyways,” he said as the wheel slowly began moving. “Besides,” he added, a little shyer, “I really did want to ride the ferris wheel with you, hyung.”

Aw.

“Aw,” Joshua said out loud, and it came out more adoring and in-love than he’d intended. He coughed. “That’s so cute, Min-ah. You wanted to spend time with hyung like this, hm?” he tacked on, grinning teasingly and leaning forward to ruffle Seokmin’s hair and tug at the puppy ears of his headband in an attempt to mask his previous sincerity.

The younger man didn’t pull a face and try to lean away, however, unlike how he normally acted around Joshua’s exaggerated coddling. Instead, he just smiled, eyes crinkling, shoulders rising towards his ears bashfully, and he really looked like a small, shy puppy.

“Yeah,” he said, the sunlight golden on his face. “Yeah, I did.”

The sun was very much beginning to set now. Yellow light was replaced by something warmer, and the coppery colours spilled in through the windows of their carriage as the wheel continued spinning them all the way to the top.

Joshua checked on Seokmin constantly, making sure that he wasn’t too scared by the heights, but the man seemed to genuinely be having a great time, staring out of the window with wide eyes, Berry the shiba inu sitting forgotten on the seat next to him.

“It all looks so pretty,” Seokmin said, voice hushed in awe. “Look, hyung, you can see all the places we went to from up here!”

Joshua leaned over to look down at where Seokmin was pointing. “Oh, wow. We’re so high up.” He looked at Seokmin again. “Are you really sure that you’re okay?”

Seokmin laughed a little, raising his gaze to look at Joshua. The golden sunset spilled caramel-coloured light across his irises.

“I’m really fine,” he promised, eyes crinkling. He reached out for Joshua’s hand, interlacing their fingers. “It’s okay, ‘cause Shua hyung's here with me, isn't he?”

He squeezed Joshua’s hand, once, and then turned back to the window, and Joshua’s ears positively burned.

The wheel spun them a total of three times, and on the third round, Seokmin finally leaned away from the window, sitting back in his seat and beaming at Joshua. Joshua blinked back, and tried to pretend that he hadn’t been gazing adoringly at him the whole time.

“Thank you for bringing me here today,” Seokmin said, all sweet and sentimental and sincere. “It’s been so much fun.”

“Of course,” Joshua responded simply, smiling. “I’m just glad you had fun, Seokmin.”

Seokmin beamed, then, and Joshua smiled back, and they sat there smiling at each other for a good few seconds longer before the ferris wheel creaked to a stop at the top of its rotation for the third and final time.

“Oh!” Seokmin’s eyes lit up, and he scrambled to reach for his phone. “We need to take our last pictures of the day before the ride finishes.” He nudged Berry to the side, and then patted the empty space next to him. “Shua hyung, come sit here.”

And so Joshua went, squishing between Seokmin and the plushie, and he’d barely had time to make himself comfortable before Seokmin was huddling even closer into his side, phone raised in front of their faces.

He let Seokmin bully him into as many different poses as he wanted, with v-poses and finger hearts and cute little pouty faces that were utterly adorable on Seokmin. Eventually, Seokmin lowered his phone, but before Joshua could get up and return to his own side of the carriage, Seokmin was holding his hand, interlacing their fingers to keep Joshua by his side.

Joshua looked down at their hands, and then up at Seokmin, but the younger just blinked innocently at him.

“The sunset looks so pretty,” Seokmin said suddenly, and Joshua looked behind him to follow Seokmin’s line of gaze.

And then he looked back at Seokmin, watching the sunset light his skin up gold.

“Very pretty,” he agreed.

Seokmin’s lips twitched up into an almost wistful smile, as his gaze slid away from the window to look at Joshua, eyes sparkling.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” Seokmin said again, smiling. “I think it’s prettier because I’m here with you.”

Joshua chuckled, squeezing Seokmin’s hand once. “Of course,” he said, and Seokmin smiled even wider. “Anything you see will be prettier because of me, you know.”

Seokmin’s eyes crinkled. “Really?”

Joshua quirked a grin. “I’m just that handsome.”

The wheel was slowly descending now, the warm sunset light dipping behind the tall amusement park structures, and Joshua had the most beautiful view of the rays brushing and fading away from Seokmin’s face.

“So,” Joshua continued, mesmerised by Seokmin’s smile, “I think you should only see these pretty things with me. So they’ll always look even prettier.”

His words hung suspended in the air, golden and full of eternal promise, and Seokmin’s eyes widened. Joshua’s eyes widened at his own words, too, stunned at how his internal thoughts had somehow escaped his lips, but every syllable rang true. He wanted to see these beautiful things with Seokmin and Seokmin alone.

“Shua hyung,” Seokmin whispered, eyes meltingly warm. And then he didn’t say anything else.

He truly was just so beautiful, Joshua thought. With his sunlight-clear smile and those eyes, big and glittering and crystalline: Seokmin’s eyes that captured Joshua’s own and kept him mesmerised, unable to do anything other than gaze adoringly as Seokmin did anything at all.

And those very same eyes were the ones holding Joshua in place right at that moment, so awed that he hadn’t even noticed that Seokmin had drawn closer. He was so close that there was merely a miniscule distance between them, and Joshua could count every one of Seokmin’s lashes again, so close he could see the way they fluttered nervously as he took a quiet breath in.

So close that eventually, the miniscule distance between them became no distance at all.

Seokmin kissed him, gently, slowly, a warm press of lips on lips that had Joshua simultaneously melting and freezing up because Seokmin was kissing him. Seokmin was kissing him.

And, oh, his lips truly did taste as soft as they looked.

It was heart-achingly sweet, and only Seokmin would have been able to kiss him so chastely and yet still make his brain crash and shut down because of it. He wanted to have Seokmin’s lips on his forever, to lick into his plush mouth and find out what Seokmin liked and what he adored, wanted to press him against the wall of the carriage and kiss him and kiss him and kiss him—

Seokmin pulled away, then, before Joshua even had a chance to pull him closer and kiss him in the way that he deserved.

He blinked, dazed, far too disoriented to even think of forming words, and it was a little crazy how Seokmin managed to render him utterly non-functional after such a brief kiss.

Only Seokmin, truly.

But he was staring at Joshua now, eyes bright and almost hopeful, and the terrible thing was that Joshua’s brain was still in its melting, post-’first kiss with the love of his life’ state, and he had no idea what Seokmin could be hoping for.

He coughed, licked his lips, heartbeat thrumming far too loudly in his head.

“Huh,” he said, incredibly eloquently. “Oh.”

It was an “Oh” of utter besottedness, Seokmin having successfully removed Joshua’s ability to form proper words, but it turned out to be the wrong thing to say because he watched, confused and worried, as the light slipped off of Seokmin’s face in an instant.

“Oh,” Seokmin echoed, but the syllable sounded utterly heartbroken as it fell from his lips. “Oh, no.”

Joshua blinked as Seokmin backed away, scrambling to kick-start his brain back into action. “Wait,” he said. “Wait, wh—”

“I’m so sorry,” Seokmin rushed out, and he dropped Joshua’s hand like he’d been burned. “Sorry, sorry, please forget about that, I’m so sorry, I—”

“Wait,” Joshua said again, still not quite comprehending what was going on. “Seokmin-ah, you don’t n—”

He tried to move forward, and Seokmin instantly stumbled back, plastering himself against the back wall of the carriage. It rocked slightly, swinging back and forth, but still Seokmin stayed against the wall, like he wanted to be as far away from Joshua as possible.

“Sorry,” Seokmin said, yet again. “I just— You took me out for this whole day, and I thought— But then I— And then you didn’t— So obviously you don’t feel like that and I’m just so, so, so sorry. I’m so sorry, hyung, please just forget that happened.”

And oh, now Joshua realised, and his eyes widened in panic, because Seokmin had gotten everything completely wrong.

“No, wait, Seokmin, no, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Seokmin didn’t seem to hear him, continuing to babble apologies over and over again, the syllables blurring together as his eyes also seemed to blur with tears.

This was really, really not good. Seokmin had leaned in and kissed him, and what had Joshua done? He’d just sat there and let himself be kissed, and when Seokmin pulled away, he’d done nothing but mumble a small “Oh” that could have been interpreted in a whole range of different ways.

And Seokmin had interpreted it in the worst way possible.

Joshua opened his mouth, and had half a mind to just surge forward and kiss Seokmin again to show him the truth when the carriage door swung open, and the park attendant was standing in the doorway and politely asking for them to leave.

Instantly, Seokmin took the opportunity to grab Berry and lunge past him to make his escape, and Joshua wanted to wring his hands together in desperation.

“Seokmin!” Joshua called out, almost tripping over his feet in his haste to exit the carriage. “Seokmin, I— Wait!”

He caught up with Seokmin as he was speed-walking through the park back towards the entrance, resting a hand on his shoulder and hating how Seokmin instantly flinched back.

“Hyung, please—”

“Seokmin,” Joshua said, softly. “Listen to me.”

Seokmin visibly swallowed, holding Berry tight. His eyes were big, almost looking like they were turning down at the edges and, coupled with the ears headband he was still wearing, he looked far too much like a devastated puppy that Joshua felt his heart tighten in his throat.

“Seokmin,” Joshua started again. “You don’t have to feel bad about it. I… I didn’t mind it.”

Joshua smiled gently, but to his horror, Seokmin’s eyes began to well up with tears.

“I really am sorry for what I did, hyung,” he said, voice wobbly. “You don’t have to say those things to try and make me feel better. I’m okay. It’s okay. I know that what I did was wrong so please—please just leave me alone.”

And with that, he stepped back, and began to make a dash towards the park entrance again, leaving Joshua standing there, dumbfounded.

“Wh—Seokmin!”

Seokmin didn’t listen to him. He continued speeding towards the entrance as Joshua called out to him, even as groups of people blocked his path and he walked into a small child more times than he could count.

How had Seokmin managed to misunderstand what Joshua was saying so, so horribly? With a helpless sigh, Joshua watched as Seokmin disappeared around the corner, before promptly apologising to the little girl he’d bumped into and beginning to follow Seokmin again.

Joshua managed to get to the amusement park entrance at last, just as Seokmin seemed to be trying to leave without talking to him at all.

“Seokmin,” Joshua said desperately, jogging up until he was standing in front of him, preventing Seokmin from walking off into the late evening. “Please, listen to me. You don’t have to feel all guilty like this. Let me—”

“Hyung, it’s okay,” Seokmin said, cutting him off yet again, and Joshua wanted to cry in desperation.“It’s okay, Shua hyung, I’m okay. You don’t have to try and comfort me.”

“No, Seokmin, listen, I actually—”

“Don’t worry about it,” Seokmin said, and tried to smile, but his voice trembled too much for it to seem genuine. “I’m so sorry for doing that to you. I’m really sorry, so I hope you don’t feel too d-disgusted.”

His voice hiccupped on the last word, and oh, Seokmin was properly crying now, the sadness spilling out of the corners of his eyes and dimming their shine.

Joshua had made him cry.

“Just let me go home, hyung, please,” Seokmin said, quiet, and the soft begging tone in his voice made Joshua’s heart plummet to the depths of the Earth.

He swallowed thickly. “At least come home with me and Jeonghan,” he said, giving up on trying to talk to Seokmin about this. “I don’t want you going home by bus, all by yourself. Especially when you’re like this.”

Seokmin didn’t say anything for a long moment, and then nodded, lips pressed tight together as the tears continued silently spilling down his cheeks.

It made Joshua’s throat feel tight. Unthinkingly, he reached over and brushed at the wetness under Seokmin’s eyes, flinching back when Seokmin skittered away at his touch.

“Sorry,” he whispered, voice thick. Seokmin didn’t reply.

They walked back to the entrance, and Joshua texted Jeonghan to let him know they were finished and wanted to go home. And then, with nothing left to do, they loitered around, waiting for Jeonghan to arrive, a stiff silence falling between them.

There was a great deal that Joshua wanted to say, countless words to explain himself and tell Seokmin just how terribly, terribly in love he was with him.

This was all a terrible misunderstanding, he wanted to say, and he was totally okay with the kiss. More than okay, and in fact, he wanted nothing more than to kiss Seokmin again and again for all of eternity.

He looked up at Seokmin, who was quivering a few feet away from him, clutching the plushie like a lifeline as he stared resolutely out at the car park. A chill was setting in now that the sun had gone down, but Joshua knew that Seokmin’s shivers had less to do with the cold and more to do with something else.

Couldn’t Seokmin see? Just how much he had Joshua wrapped around his finger? Had him clinging to every syllable that fell from his lips, every twinkle of his eye, every bright, ringing laugh?

It was truly bewildering, how Seokmin apparently had no idea. Joshua wanted to explain this to him, wanted to tell him just how deeply he'd managed to fall for him, but the feelings of warmth and light and clean-cut gold were far too big and precious for words.

He wanted to try, because he truly would do anything for Seokmin, but right now, there was no point. Not when Seokmin wasn’t in a state to truly understand.

Jeonghan arrived some minutes later, pulling up near the park entrance, and Seokmin wordlessly climbed into the shotgun seat while Joshua sat in the back. Jeonghan beamed, entirely oblivious to the tense atmosphere.

“So, how did your day go?” he asked, all pleasant. “Did you guys have fun?”

Seokmin simply buried his face into the plushie.

“Can you just take me home, please?” Seokmin whispered, voice muffled, but there was no way that Jeonghan wouldn't have been able to hear the tears in his voice.

Jeonghan’s expression changed, and instantly, he eyed Joshua in the rearview mirror, his gaze a searing accusation. Joshua just winced helplessly, and hoped that the desperation in his eyes could help soften Jeonghan’s glare just a little.

Jeonghan narrowed his eyes, before turning to Seokmin again, gaze softening. “I like your headband,” he said gently, tugging at one brown puppy ear. “They suit you.”

Seokmin didn't look up from the shiba inu. He gave a small, wet sniff.

Jeonghan looked back at Joshua, observing the white bunny ears headband which were on his head, and then the pieces in his head began to click together, and he raised an eyebrow questioningly.

Joshua just stared back.

Pulling out away from the amusement park, Jeonghan glanced over at Seokmin and then at Joshua through the mirror again, before giving a sigh. The “I’ll talk to Seokmin” was clear in his eyes, and Joshua’s shoulders sagged in relief.

Whilst Joshua really, really wanted to talk this over with Seokmin himself, he knew that Seokmin wasn’t in the right headspace to listen to him. But still, there was a chance that he would be able to listen to his beloved Jeonghan hyung who, hopefully, would be able to express a calm thought process that Seokmin would listen to, even if he wasn’t willing to listen to Joshua.

That was okay, though. Because Joshua didn't even know how he would express his thoughts, other than perhaps screaming “I really really like having your lips on mine and I kind of want to kiss you forever”, and he thought that that maybe wasn't the best way to explain how he felt.

Thank you, he said with his eyes, when Jeonghan looked back at him again.

Jeonghan just nodded once, and looked over at Seokmin again before turning back to the road.

The car was silent for the entire ride back.

───────────── ‘✦,

“I’m already on it,” Joshua said, when he opened the door to Jeonghan standing on his doorstep the next morning.

Jeonghan blinked, and then shut his mouth with an audible click, nodding approvingly and stepping into Joshua’s apartment. “Good,” he said. “I’m proud of you, Joshuji.”

Last night, Jeonghan had dropped Joshua off home first, with a silent message of “We’ll talk tomorrow” in his eyes. It had been clear that Jeonghan had wanted to spend that evening talking with Seokmin first, which Joshua thought was a good idea since Seokmin had definitely been the most visibly distressed out of them.

Even now, though it had been over twelve hours since Joshua had last seen him, the memory of Seokmin’s tears still made his chest feel tight.

As it was, he hadn’t had the chance to talk to Jeonghan until today. That didn’t mean he hadn’t been busy thinking of ways to resolve this whole situation, though.

“You need to make things up to him as soon as possible,” Jeonghan said as he took off his shoes.

“I know. That's why I'm already on it.”

Jeonghan nodded again, mildly pleased, before his face melted back into a frown.

“Still, I wanna say that you’re both idiots,” he informed him. “Both you and Seokmin. Utter idiots.”

“Thanks,” Joshua remarked dryly, and walked back into the kitchen, Jeonghan trailing behind him.

“You’re welcome. So you better be planning a really good thing to make it up to Seokmin, because otherwise—oh my God. Are you baking?”

Jeonghan stood there, surprised, looking at the mixing bowl and the bags of sugar and flour and the baking trays, lined with greaseproof paper, neatly placed on the table as everything else overflowed across Joshua’s counter.

Joshua grinned, pleased at Jeonghan’s surprise. “Strawberry and chocolate chip cookies,” he said, picking up the mixing bowl again. “Seokmin’s favourite.”

“Huh.” Jeonghan smiled, nodding approvingly. “Good choice.” He sat down at the table, watching as Joshua continued mixing the cookie batter.

“I know,” Joshua said, a little proud, looking up from the bowl to smile at Jeonghan, all bashful and dusty pink cheeks. “I figured that they might help cheer him up.”

Cute, Jeonghan thought, and then his heart melted at the idea of Joshua baking for Seokmin. There was something so domestic about that, and he knew that Seokmin would really love it.

Seokmin had been utterly distraught yesterday, tears quietly streaming down his face as he recounted the “disastrous” events in a wobbly voice. Jeonghan had feared the worst: Seokmin, for all his gentleness and emotional openness, still hated to cry around other people. So for him to burst into tears in front of Joshua and Jeonghan, it meant that something truly terrible had happened, and Jeonghan was more than ready to (get Seungcheol to) gently beat up Joshua for being the cause of his tears.

Jeonghan thought it would be something horrific, like Joshua had… well, done something really bad. He hadn’t actually had an idea of what Joshua could have done, but he’d been terrified all the same.

He had definitely not been prepared for what Seokmin had told him instead.

“What’re you gonna do with the cookies?” Jeonghan asked, leaning forwards as Joshua set down the bowl, looking for spoons to use to scoop the batter onto the trays.

“I’m going over to his place today,” Joshua said, rummaging through the drawers. “And I’m going to talk this out with him. No matter what it takes.”

Jeonghan tilted his head, smiling a little, a curious sense of pride swelling up inside of him. “No matter what it takes?”

“No matter what it takes,” Joshua confirmed, turning back to face Jeonghan, spoons in hand. “I won’t run away anymore. Seokmin deserves to know that I love him too.”

“I definitely think so,” Jeonghan said, and his tone was dry but his smile was warm. “Especially considering the fact that he kissed you yesterday and then proceeded to have a breakdown because you didn’t kiss him back.”

Joshua winced. “Let’s not talk about last night.”

Jeonghan shrugged. “I think it was a good bonding experience.”

“I don’t need a bonding experience. Seokmin and I are already friends.” Joshua furrowed his eyebrows. “How was that a good bonding experience, anyway?”

“Hey, at least now you know that Seokmin’s as pathetically in love with you as you are with him,” Jeonghan pointed out. “I think you should look on the bright side, Joshuji.”

“I think you’re talking too much,” Joshua said, waving the spoons beratingly at Jeonghan. “If you’re gonna be in my home, then you need to help me. Come on, get some spoons and make the cookies with me. Why are you even here, anyway?”

Jeonghan begrudgingly stood up, rolling up his sleeves. “I came here to see whether I needed to beat you up or not.”

Joshua snorted. “You and those noodle arms?”

“I was assessing the situation first,” Jeonghan said, and sniffed disdainfully. “If you didn’t show evidence that you were trying to make amends instantly, I would have.”

“Good thing I was making cookies then.”

“Exactly. I also came to check up on you, though,” Jeonghan added more sincerely. “To see how you were doing after being kissed by the love of your life.”

That made Joshua chuckle, beginning to spoon the batter onto the trays laid out on the table. He nudged Jeonghan in the side, a silent demand for him to start helping, and Jeonghan reluctantly complied.

“I’m fine. I had my entire worldview altered because apparently Seokmin likes me back, but other than that, I’m doing great,” Joshua said with a grin, and Jeonghan laughed.

“See? A good bonding experience.”

Joshua shook his head, still smiling. “Yeah. A great bonding experience. 0/10, would definitely recommend.”

The sarcasm made Jeonghan laugh again, looking over at his best friend as he diligently bent down over the baking tray, making cookies for the person he was in love with, big hands having turned soft with gentleness and care.

Joshua’s hair was all over the place, as if he’d rolled out of bed and then immediately started making cookies for Seokmin without even stopping once. Half of his bangs were falling in his eyes but he hardly seemed to notice, and he straightened up to blink at Jeonghan, who was standing there with the spoons unmoving in his hands.

“If you don’t want to help, then you can just say so,” Joshua said wryly, eyes twinkling. “Though Seokmin might be heartbroken when I tell him that his favourite hyung didn’t help make the cookies.”

Jeonghan snapped out of his reverie, busying himself with helping Joshua. “You’re Seokmin’s favourite hyung. You know that,” he retorted, a little sulkily. Though he’d long ago accepted it, he was still a little annoyed that Joshua had stolen one of his dongsaengs from him.

“Nonsense. He was your friend before he was mine, wasn’t he?”

“That means nothing,” Jeonghan said dismissively, waving a spoon around and accidentally flinging cookie dough into the wall. “Whoops. Anyway, you’ve been Seokmin’s favourite since day one, Shuji. Surely you know that.”

Joshua sighed long-sufferingly at the spoonful of wet mixture sliding down his wall. “You’re cleaning that up later.”

“Sure. But seriously, he’s always been in love with you. I promise.” Jeonghan punched Joshua lightly in the arm. “Why are you thinking so much about this, anyway? You know that he loves you.”

“Hm.” Joshua twisted his lips thoughtfully, and he gazed off into the distance, eyes going melty soft and Jeonghan just knew that he was thinking about Seokmin.

Disgusting, Jeonghan thought affectionately. It reminded him of the way that Seokmin’s eyes never failed to shine just a little brighter whenever he thought of or talked about Joshua, even when he was in tears. These two truly were made for each other.

“Seokmin thinks the world of you, you know,” Jeonghan said gently. “He always has. Ever since he first met you.”

Joshua’s face, somehow, melted even further at that. Jeonghan had been worried that his silence was a sign of insecurities creeping in, a sign of his hesitancy to continue taking that leap for Seokmin, but Joshua’s face was softening into the softest, sweetest smile, and Jeonghan knew that there was nothing that could deter Joshua now.

“Well,” Joshua said, light and full of love, “It’s a good thing that I think the world of him too.”

───────────── ‘✦,

It was some hours later that Joshua ended up on Seokmin’s doorstep, wondering whether he should ring the doorbell or lift his hand and knock.

Jeonghan had shooed him out of the apartment (Joshua’s own apartment) with a pat on the head and a half-serious threat to “Go make out with Seokmin or there will be consequences”, pushing the basket into his hands and telling him to just be himself.

Apparently Seokmin liked that, or something.

So Joshua now stood at Seokmin’s doorstep, resisting the urge to rock back and forth on his heels as he contemplated which would be the best way to drag Seokmin out of his wallowing.

He hadn't been nervous when Jeonghan had come over, too focused on making Seokmin his favourite cookies and thinking about how he needed to make Seokmin not sad as soon as possible, but now that he was here, he had to admit that there were definitely a few butterflies in his stomach.

Confessing to the love of your life was no easy task, after all.

But, like always, Joshua would do anything for Seokmin, anything at all, so after taking a deep breath, he raised his hand and pressed the doorbell.

It took a few moments, but the door eventually clicked open to reveal Seokmin, sleepily rubbing his eyes, nose scrunching adorably as he suppressed a big yawn.

“Jeonghan hyung, I told you, I’m f…”

His voice trailed off as he realised who was standing at his door, and his eyes widened, the sleepiness falling away from his face almost instantly. Joshua smiled, a little awkwardly, giving Seokmin a wave.

“Hello.”

Seokmin stared at him, and then began to slowly edge behind his door, hiding behind it until only his face was visible. “You… You’re not Jeonghan hyung.”

“I’m not,” Joshua agreed, and his heart twisted at how Seokmin had instantly retreated away once he learned that it was Joshua at his door. “Is it okay if I come in? I wanted to talk about what happened yesterday.”

Clutching the edge of the door a little tighter, Seokmin squeaked out a small “Oh dear” that Joshua had a feeling he hadn’t meant to say aloud.

“Maybe we shouldn’t?” Seokmin suggested meekly. He retreated further behind the door, hiding away so that Joshua couldn’t see his face anymore. “Maybe… Maybe that’s not a good idea.”

Joshua bit his lip. “Please?” he asked. “I even baked you cookies. If you want them.”

A pause. And then Seokmin slowly peeked out from behind the door, eyes widening in surprise as he noticed the basket in Joshua’s hands before his gaze dropped to the floor again. He shook his head.

“Please just go. Shua hyung, please let me—Let me deal with this by myself first,” Seokmin said softly.

It sounded so gentle and reasonable when he said it like that, and Joshua would have believed it, would have accepted it, if he didn’t know Seokmin as well as he did. But Joshua did know him, knew him like the soul that fit perfectly against his own, and he knew that Seokmin was using this as an excuse to wallow in his sadness. He’d only make himself more miserable if Joshua let him be.

“Please,” Joshua said again, pleading. “I think we should talk about this. Please, will you let me in?”

Seokmin swallowed but didn’t say anything, gaze still directed at Joshua’s shoes rather than his face. His fingers pressed into the side of the door as he clung to it, still not quite opening it fully, but Joshua felt a little comforted by the fact that Seokmin was considering it.

“Min-ah,” Joshua said softly, ducking his head to get Seokmin to meet his gaze. Seokmin blinked in surprise, but he didn’t look away. Joshua straightened slowly, and smiled as Seokmin continued to keep his eyes on him. “Please. I’m not mad about what happened, I promise. I just think that you and I need to talk. Please, Min-ah?”

Seokmin’s eyes widened even further at the nickname, a splotchy blush reddening the apples of his cheeks in a way that was still utterly endearing in Joshua’s eyes. And then he nodded, opening the door wider. “Okay. Okay… you can come in.”

Joshua smiled again, a smile of relief as he stepped into Seokmin’s apartment, clutching the basket of cookies in his hands.

“It’s a little messy,” Seokmin said, a little sheepishly as he led Joshua through the apartment. “I wasn’t really expecting anyone. I didn’t think anyone would come over.”

“That’s okay. I wanted to check up on you.”

Seokmin looked over at Joshua, too many colours swirling in his irises before he blinked rapidly and looked away,

“Oh. Thank you.”

As Seokmin led them to sit on his couch, however, Joshua realised that he hadn't really planned what he was going to say. Which, in hindsight, he really should have done, but it was too late to wonder about that now.

And besides, he was talking with Seokmin. The right words would find their way to him, especially if he was trying to confess to the love of his life.

“So… cookies,” Joshua started, and then held the basket out to Seokmin. He smiled a little. “They're your favourites.”

Seokmin gasped, momentarily seeming to forget his apprehension at Joshua’s visit as his eyes widened, taking the basket from him and peeking inside. “Strawberry and chocolate chip cookies?”

“Strawberry and chocolate chip cookies,” Joshua confirmed, resisting the urge to laugh at Seokmin's adorably awed expression. “And don’t worry. I made sure that they won’t give you food poisoning.

Seokmin, already stuffing a cookie in his mouth, gave a petulant huff. “Hyung, that was one time.”

Joshua laughed, unable to stop the delighted warmth bubbling up inside him as the natural cadence of their interactions came peeking through, Seokmin relaxing now that he had something sweet in his mouth. Seokmin looked up at him, a little surprised, before his face melted and brightened at the same time, eyes crinkling.

“So,” Joshua said, still smiling, “I was hoping that we could talk about yesterday.”

At that, Seokmin’s expression changed, and he slowly swallowed. He rubbed at his cheeks, attempting to brush away the crumbs and only kind-of succeeding.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” Joshua rushed to carry on, before Seokmin’s face fell even further and Joshua’s heart fell along with it. “I’m sorry for how terribly our day at the amusement park ended.” He gestured to the basket. “The cookies were kind of an apology present to try and make up for it.”

“Oh,” Seokmin said softly. “No… It’s—It’s okay, hyung. It was kind of my fault, anyway,” he added, laughing a little stiltedly. “I was the one who, well, you know.”

Seokmin bit his lip then, teeth sinking into the softness of his bottom lip, and Joshua remembered with startling clarity how his own mouth had been over Seokmin’s less than twenty-four hours ago.

Joshua blinked rapidly, trying to dispel his thoughts so he could focus on the conversation at hand.

“It was just me being an idiot. You don’t need to apologise, Shua hyung,” Seokmin said, attempting to smile. “It was all my fault. I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t, though,” Joshua said, taking a breath. Seokmin was still biting his lip, a nervous habit, and it was kind of cute and wholly distracting and it took everything in Joshua to keep his gaze on Seokmin’s warm, warm eyes rather than on his soft, soft lips. “Min-ah, it’s okay.”

He smiled, then, as gently and as reassuringly as he could, putting on his prettiest smile for Seokmin to try and comfort him.

Seokmin’s eyes widened and softened at the same time, before he looked away. “Please don’t look at me like that,” he said, all mumbly. There were still crumbs on his cheeks, and Joshua wanted to lean over and dust them away.

“Like what?” he asked, before giving in to the urge and brushing a finger over Seokmin’s cheeks, wiping at the crumbs. And then, using that same finger, he guided Seokmin’s chin towards him so they were facing each other again. “How am I looking at you?”

Seokmin huffed a little, and pouted. “Like… I dunno,” he said, cheeks turning red, “like you love me. Like—Like you didn’t actually mind the… the thing.”

Joshua’s gaze softened, and he lowered his hand to find Seokmin’s knee instead, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “What if that’s true? What if I didn't mind the kiss?”

Seokmin was shaking his head before Joshua could even finish speaking. “Don’t say things like that, hyung,” he pleaded, almost a whine. “I’m sorry for kissing you yesterday, I really am. I promise, it won’t happen again.”

“What? No,” Joshua said, a little mystified, wondering where on Earth Seokmin had gotten the idea that he didn’t want it to happen again. “No, Seokmin, I want it to happen again. I want you to kiss me again. And again, and again. Forever, essentially.”

“Wait.” Seokmin’s face scrunched up, confused, and goodness, Joshua was hit with the fact that he truly did adore him. “What?”

“I like you,” Joshua said, the three golden words leaving his lips and spinning through the air, and he could almost hear the magical ding as they landed like little chimes in Seokmin’s ears. “I like you, Seokmin. You and your smile and your kindness and your gentleness and the way you make me feel so happy, always. I like you so much, and especially your laugh—” Joshua took a breath, feeling the flush rising up his cheeks— “Oh, I love your laugh, Seokmin. It’s the most beautiful thing in the world.”

Seokmin’s eyes had steadily widened the longer Joshua had carried on, and there was that familiar, warm, beautiful shine in his irises once more, all full of hope. “Really?”

“Yeah, really,” Joshua laughed, smiling widely. “I like you. I love you. I adore you. All of those things. I think you’re wonderful, truly, and it’s like my heart belongs only to you.”

And then, his Seokmin-owned heart made a little whooshing sound as Seokmin’s eyes rounded, and Joshua couldn’t help but laugh. It was kind of incredible, how saying those words didn’t feel like taking a leap, like jumping and hoping that when he fell, someone would catch him.

Rather, it felt like coming home.

Seokmin’s frame melted, the biggest pout forming on his face as his whole body relaxed, seemingly just as comforted by Joshua’s confession as he was. His irises looked a little shiny as he blinked, hard.

“You love me,” Seokmin said, almost to himself, like he couldn’t believe it, all tiny and adorable. And then he looked up at Joshua again, face crumpling into something between a pout and a giddy smile. “Oh my god, you love me.”

He said it in an almost awed way, words getting all blubbery-sentimental and he held out his arms, reaching for a hug that Joshua instantly gave him, smiling as Seokmin wrapped his arms around his neck to bring him even closer, burying his face into Joshua’s shoulder. Seokmin was always so warm and lovely but right now he seemed even more so, melting into Joshua’s arms, the thumping of his heartbeat matching the cadence of Joshua’s own.

He nuzzled even closer into Joshua's shoulder, making small, content noises into his shirt, and Joshua could feel something in his chest bursting into a spray of cerulean blue joy.

“I love you,” Joshua said again, just because, just to marvel at how light and perfect those three words felt. “I love you.”

Seokmin pulled away, arms still looped around Joshua’s neck, eyes shining brighter than the brightest, sunniest summer day. “I love you too,” he breathed, and then he laughed—that soft, beautiful laugh that Joshua loved far too much. “I love you. I’ve always really, really liked you, truly. So much. Ever since we met.”

Joshua chuckled a little, tilting his head. “Since we met? That’s a long time.”

“I know,” Seokmin said, almost whining, and it had Joshua laughing again. “You have no idea how hard it was to be loving you for so long. You’re so loveable, hyung. I can’t help but just—love you. Always.”

“I can’t help but love you too,” Joshua said back, and it was incredible how those words managed to make Seokmin’s smile light up even further. He leaned forward and nudged his nose affectionately against Seokmin’s, adoring the delighted giggle that it elicited from him. “You can ask Jeonghan, if you’d like. He’ll tell you how pathetically in love I’ve been with you for weeks.”

“Weeks? Hyung, I’ve been in love with you forever, I swear,” Seokmin said, and the earnest truthfulness of his words made Joshua’s heart swell, hands tightening around Seokmin’s waist.

“I think I’ve been in love with you before I even knew that’s what it was,” Joshua returned, just to try and one-up him, and laughed softly at the affectionate huff that Seokmin let out.

“Whatever you say,” Seokmin said, playfully rolling his eyes before beaming at Joshua again. His arms were still around Joshua’s neck, his weight still pressed comfortably in Joshua’s lap, and as he continued beaming at him, it was like Joshua's vision was filled with nothing but the gentlest, prettiest, most breathtaking golden light.

He could have stayed like that forever, actually, with Seokmin in his lap, his weight draped over him like a sure and solid promise, positively glowing with happiness despite the fact that he'd looked close to tears not even 24 hours ago.

It made him realise that Seokmin really did love him, had loved him forever, and thinking about it like that made him short circuit because oh—

Seokmin loved him.

And they were just smiling at each other, smiling and grinning and smiling like a pair of idiots and it was all because Seokmin loved Joshua just as much Joshua loved him.

As if he knew all of Joshua's thoughts, Seokmin smiled even wider, eyes crinkling happily, and Joshua knew that he really would do anything to see Seokmin smile like that forever. His lips were stretched wide, emanating light, and happiness truly did look so beautiful on him.

Joshua wanted to kiss him.

Oh. He hadn't kissed Seokmin yet. How had he not kissed Seokmin yet?

He needed to kiss him. Right now.

“Can I kiss you?” Joshua blurted out, completely out of the blue, and he would admit that it wasn't the best way to ask for a kiss, but Seokmin always made him do weird and awkward things.

Seokmin blinked in surprise, a blush rapidly rising up his face, but he nodded almost immediately.

“Yeah!” he said, the eagerness clear in his tone before he blushed even further, shoulders rolling inwards shyly. “I mean. Yes. Yes please.”

And then he beamed, his expression so open and loving and filled with wonderful golden light that Joshua couldn't help but smile too, leaning in closer, one hand releasing Seokmin's waist to slip upwards and cup his cheek, brushing a thumb over the smooth softness of his cheekbone.

“Beautiful,” Joshua whispered, quiet, and could feel the blush that spread across Seokmin's face as he adjusted his hand, held him more firmly and finally connected their lips in a kiss.

And, oh, this kiss was even better than that first one they'd shared. The instant Joshua kissed him, Seokmin melted impossibly further into him, hands threading through his hair to bring him even closer, soft lips pressing against soft lips.

It was dizzyingly sweet. Seokmin tasted like strawberries and chocolate and sunlight, and when Joshua gently nipped at that plush bottom lip, his heart positively soared at the small noise that Seokmin let out, easily opening up so Joshua could kiss him as deeply and as fully as they both desired.

Seokmin twisted his hands in Joshua’s hair, kissing him even deeper, and it made him laugh into Seokmin’s mouth, his head feeling all happy and bubbly light. Seokmin laughed too, an automatic response to the sound of Joshua’s happiness, and they ended up smiling into each other’s mouths rather than actually kissing once they finally parted.

Joshua opened his eyes, watching as Seokmin still kept his eyes shut, drawing back with an adoring smile on his face like he wanted to treasure the moment.

It was so heart-achingly endearing that Joshua leaned in to press a light kiss to Seokmin’s mouth, smiling as Seokmin’s eyes fluttered open at last, a white-gold shine making his irises glow.

“Oh,” Seokmin said, soft, his kissed-pink lips spreading into a wide smile. He still had his hands in Joshua’s hair, still had his knees spread over Joshua’s lap, and he looked so beautiful. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Joshua echoed, amused, the hand on Seokmin’s cheek moving to brush away stray hairs as they fell into his face. “What’s up?”

Seokmin’s eyes just shone even brighter. “You love me,” he said, and he sounded so happy that Joshua laughed again, so in love that his heart felt like it was floating towards the heavens as Seokmin continued to look at him with all the awe and wonder in the world.

“Yes, Min-ah,” he said, devastatingly fond, and Seokmin scrunched his nose in a way that was just so endearing, very clearly delighted by the nickname. “I love you.”

Seokmin beamed adorably wide and launched himself back into Joshua’s arms again, clumsily pressing a kiss to Joshua's cheek before burying his face into his shoulder, and Joshua could feel him grinning with happiness.

Joshua had jumped towards Seokmin, taken that leap, but instead of falling, he’d floated right back up towards the sun instead.

In fact, it hadn’t even felt like falling, he mused, as Seokmin drew away from his shoulder, smiling shyly before leaning in and kissing Joshua softly once more.

He cupped Seokmin’s face, kissing him again and again until they were smiling so hard that they couldn’t kiss properly anymore, and yet they still tried, smiling lips meeting smiling lips over and over, the taste of sunlight sitting gently on Joshua’s tongue like that was where it belonged.

Perhaps, Joshua thought, it was because Seokmin had been beside him all along. All he had to do was walk right into Seokmin's arms, right into Seokmin who already had, and always would, adore him with the entirety of his heart.

And oh, how Joshua adored him too.

thanku for reading! pls rb w a comment if you liked this :)

taglist: @my-moarmy-heart @ofcoursewhynotmongyu @cottoncheol @i-dont-give-a-fok @leigh-darling @belladonna-is-alive @weird-bookworm @dokyluvie @isabellah29 @bangantokchy @ahuiahoe @yooboointhemood @animesoul2021 @official-eunwoo

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undead-supernova · 3 months

Text

HIGH TOLERANCE

Masterlist

important note: this is a one-off of my High Tolerance series! I suggest reading everything else to understand what the hell is happening and why this is important to the story hehehe!

warnings: fluff to the nines with a hint of desire, smoking weed (obviously), body image mention, death mention

pairings: modern!bestfriend!Eddie x bisexual!fem!reader

plot: this is the one where you and Eddie smoke weed together for the first time--well, amongst other silly little firsts (about five months after they first met)

this was already something I'd been thinking of but I heard the song Close One by FIZZ and it is so Eddie and Weirdo coded it's crazy

wc: 4.8k

Eddie watched as you took a few steps past the door, walking slowly as if you were in some art gallery. Tentative steps that echoed off his empty walls and unsettled wooden floors. Noticing the hum of the air conditioning and birds chirping near the windowsill.

This was the first time you’d been in his new apartment.

There were boxes everywhere, some half-opened, others not at all. You’d insisted that you could help him with the move, but he’d shaken his head. Told you that Steve, Jeff, Gareth, and Grant could do it. Told you that you’d be his first house guest once he got everything figured out.

But, uh. Well.

There were boxes in every corner. No table. Only a plank of wood on top of two extra-large boxes in front of a TV being held up by yet another box. But he loved it. This was the first place he could call his home, no matter how shitty or overpriced the place was. He had a view of the street and a place to put his amp. A fridge with next to no food. A mattress with no frame.

It wasn’t exactly a palace and Eddie knew that. But it was his.

“This is a fucking palace if I’ve ever seen one,” you said, turning to see Eddie leaning up against the door. His eyebrows raised. “I’m surprised you don’t have any guards standing outside. What if a dragon gets in?”

The smile you gave him was playful, without a hint of judgment.

“Guess I’ll have to slay it with my bare hands,” Eddie replied, finally pushing himself off the door to flex his nonexistent muscles.

“Wow,” you said, placing your hands over your heart. “I’m shaking in my little boots.”

“What can I say?”

Eddie gave you a grand tour of his studio apartment, which consisted of walking about twenty steps to the bedroom before turning to the bathroom and coming right back to the surprisingly spacious kitchen but tiny living room.

The two of you mainly stood at the small island separating the kitchen and living room, leaning over with your chins propped up by your hands. Discussing where to put his Dio and Iron Maiden posters. Contemplated going to the thrift store for a couch. Wondered if you could change the upholstery yourselves if you didn’t like the fabric but loved the feel. Decided you were too stupid to even try to figure that out.

By the time you checked your phone, it was nearing evening.

“Should we cook dinner?” you asked. “I’m hungry as fuck.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Cook?”

Eddie didn’t know much about cooking. Robin and Steve had been the ones to stock the fridge and take turns at the stove. Eddie was merely there to watch or be called to meals, savoring every last bite like he could wake up the next morning without the access again.

A part of him was still reeling from Spaghettios and whatever low-priced high fructose corn syrup meal Wayne left in the pantry. There was nothing like spending nights by the shitty TV eating saltine crackers and peanut butter. Sometimes blocks of cheese when Wayne wanted to try making sandwiches before work—but those attempts never lasted very long.

“Yeah, like we could make chicken Alfredo and some garlic bread.”

He shrugged. “I was thinking like, you know, takeout or something. There’s a Thai place across the street.”

You gave him a weird look. “Do you not cook?”

“Uh, no. I don’t really know how.”

“Chicken?” He shook his head. “Pasta?” Another shake.

You nodded, walking over to pick up your purse. “If you’re going to be living alone, I think I should at least teach you how to cook pasta, chicken, and bread.”

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“We,” you started, fiddling with your keys. “are going to the grocery store.”

Eddie groaned, dramatically falling to the floor. “I fucking haaaaate going to the grocery store. It takes fucking forever out here.”

You smiled with an eye roll. “Get up, you dramatic queen.”

He sighed, letting you help him to his feet before grabbing his wallet and keys.

“The one and only.”

“Mm. Yeah, well you haven’t gone to the grocery store with me. I’ll show you the way.”

You truly were a wizard when it came to navigating the grocery store in fifteen minutes or less. Kroger was your bitch and he respected the hell out of that. On top of it all, you explained how to shop cheap as you whisked him around. You never grabbed his hand, settling for his wrist.

Was it weird that he felt a sting of disappointment?

Despite this, he loved watching you move, watching you move him.

Bakery.

You hummed, fingers ghosting over the different breads. “See, you get the bread that’s a dollar or two, the ones that are on sale because they’re a few days out from going bad,” you explained, plucking a French baguette out of one of the top shelves. “That way,” you turned to him. “you’re saving money and have enough for a few days.”

Aisle 14.

“So, you get that cheap fettuccine,” you said, crouching down to grab the generic brand before immediately popping back up. “It really doesn’t matter anyways. Well, as long as you cook it all the way through.”

Produce.

“You have garlic?” you asked.

Eddie only shook his head, almost embarrassed at the idea that he was supposed to have it.

But you just smiled.

“No problemo. I didn’t either before someone showed me.” Grabbing a giant jar of minced garlic, you chucked it in the basket. “This will last you a long, long time. I haven’t gotten another bottle in months and I use it in just about everything.”

Meat.

“Always grab the ones that are on sale since they’re going bad sooner. It’s still good and you can just cook it up to use for a few more meals if you’d like. Should we get you tortillas? I feel like you could get good at making a mean quesadilla.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, watching the ingredient list stack up, wondering how much everything was about to cost.

“Next time.”

“Next time,” you promised.

And after grabbing heavy whipping cream, mozzarella, parmesan, and basic spices for the alfredo sauce, claiming that you were able to make more than what a jar could provide him, you headed to the self-checkout. You insisted on buying everything despite his protests. Even cooking pans and spatulas.

“You really don’t have to.”

“I have a Kroger card. You’re saving me, like, fifty cents on gas.” As you scanned, you added, “Consider it a housewarming gift.”

Eddie didn’t know what to think about your kindness, the way you were able to just give to him without a second thought. It was a friendship that seemed beyond the realm of tough boundaries. You were able to help and provide your support without asking anything in return. Without thought, without any demand of him. Offering aid, leading with an open mind and heart.

It occurred to Eddie that he still didn’t know what to think of you.

“Always use butter,” you stated, giving him a serious stare. “You will fuck up your nice new pans and your chicken if you use oil.”

As he watched you cook, with a little furrow between your eyebrows as you focused, Eddie couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to have this be a regular occurrence. If he could always have you here, cooking and laughing with him. Dancing around the small space to Nova Twins and Black Sabbath all the time, using his spatula as a multi-purpose tool—a cooking utensil, a microphone and a guitar.

“Are you even paying attention?”

“Ah, yeah, sorry.”

“Yes, what?”

Eddie snorted. “Yes, chef.”

But there was a little something he couldn’t shake, noticing for the first time how your black babydoll dress fit you, with lace dripping down below the hemline. His eyes traced down your body as you preoccupied yourself, a new sort of heat reaching his cheeks. It was starting to move further through him, finding its way down, down, down…

Without thinking, Eddie shook his head and opened the cabinet next to you, placing a wooden box on the counter. It was littered with stickers, chipped and nicked from being used and moved so often. As he lifted the top, the aroma of cannabis hit the two of you like a particularly brutal wave.

“Woah, there!” you said, looking down with wide eyes. “What do you have there, Mr. Munson?”

Your reaction was nearly unreadable. He couldn’t blame you. There was a stockpile, with cones and papers and a few edibles and rolled joints. Little jars full of bud. An extra pack of cigarettes.

He hadn’t really thought about what you’d think about it or if you smoked at all. As he combed through his memory, he found no recollection of you mentioning it at all since you’d met.

“Oh, uh,” he mumbled, continuing to pull out a particularly pretty joint. “You smoke?”

Something in his stomach twisted when he saw a wide grin reach your lips. Because, Jesus, you were cute. Had he really not noticed just how cute you were until then? He did everything he could to prevent the heat from returning, but the steam omitting from the stove was making it worse.

“Do I smoke?” you teased. “I can’t believe you just asked me that.”

Relief ran through him at your banter, knowing he picked you well when he asked to be your best friend. “I didn’t know!”

“I clearly didn’t show you my bong collection. That’s my bad.”

That pulled a laugh out of Eddie.

Being around you was just as easy as being around Wayne. It was something resembling familial, but for some reason today was beginning to show him that it extended far beyond that. It was like with each passing moment spent in each other’s company, the definitions and adjectives were shifting and stretching into something he couldn’t quite articulate. Something he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

“What the fuck are they even saying?” As Eddie looked at the name of the album on your phone, Этажи, he added, “How do you even pronounce that?”

You shrugged. “I don’t fucking know. But it’s cool, right? Like, this is goth music from Belarus. Belarus. Isn’t that cool? The guitars, the fuzzy feeling. The baur-dunnunununun,” you sang along, imitating playing the drums. You were actually quite rhythmic, able to follow along to the beat perfectly. “I listen to this on repeat all the time. It’s so addictive.”

Since the two of you finished dinner and split a joint, you had gone on a full on mission to induct Eddie into the world of goth rock. The Eighties classics, the recents. Bauhaus, Joy Division, Siouxsie and the Banshees, London After Midnight, She Wants Revenge, Alien Sex Fiend, etc etc.

At first, Eddie was opposed to the whole thing, extremely disinterested. But you were adamant to keep going, to delve into the subculture and expose him to the magic. The dancing began to make sense to him, watching as you gave a demonstration. Your face angled towards the floor, your arms high. Wrists twisting and turning as you swayed back and forth. The lace moved and twirled wherever you went, your outfit fitting the music perfectly.

He was starting to understand, with each string of poetic lyricism and atmospheric stroke of the guitar—the same thing he’d always seen in Black Sabbath. The outfits, the makeup. The defiance against modern society and culture. The romanticism, the guttural heartbreak. The yearning. Pining. The desperation for something pure and lovely to hold onto. It was something else, something special all on its own and his judgment had been extremely unwarranted.

“I didn’t get what you meant before about it having its own sound, but that’s on me,” he admitted. “I’m sorry for being a little bitch.”

Your smile grew as you continued dancing around him, eyes never leaving his. Eddie turned to hold your eye contact as you swayed, nearly mesmerized by your movement. He wanted to blame it on the haze of the weed, but something scratching at his brain told him it was just you.

“That’s the last time you doubt me, alright?” you said, seemingly closer than before. This time, you were dancing even slower as you circled him. It was starting to make his mouth dryer than it was already.

“The last time, indeed,” he responded.

Your playlist started over, the haunting beginning to “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” filling Eddie with an odd sense of ease. It was kind of like metal, but stripped down. The beat never stopped moving, always pushing forward in a soothing way. What the hell did they pump into these songs?

“Look at us, unplugged from the outside world,” he said with a little laugh as the two of you sat down on the floor. Your backs against the wall, cross-legged. “We’re so cool and different.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, a smile never leaving your lips. “I’m usually unplugged when I’m not at work.”

This was news to him. You were always quick to answer his texts whenever you were off, always at a rapid fire pace. In fact, it was unusual if you weren’t texting him back.

But Eddie decided to keep that to himself, letting you continue.

“Everyone is so loud these days.” You began to gesture with your hands, nearly hitting his arm. “‘This is the right opinion. No, this is. Who said what. This stranger is too judgmental, this one isn’t critical enough. Oh, look, this celebrity is wearing something. Wanna hear about a YouTuber you don’t give a shit about having beef with another YouTuber you don’t give a shit about?

“‘Want to make money dancing to sped up classics? Well, how about we do it so much that artists are rearranging their already awesome music to appease an audience. Let’s bully kids. Let’s doxx people. Did you see this? What about that? Well, why aren’t you online? Do you not care? Here’s the news. Oh, wait, that’s the wrong news. Someone famous is having a baby. A Kardashian just broke up with someone, can you believe it? Let’s make body sizes a trend and follow every celebrity who has changed their appearance to fit a fad. Skinny’s in, skinny is still in but you’re allowed to have a few curves. Fuck it, it’s cool to look sick. Here’s an Eighties trend, here’s Y2k.’”

You paused, taking a deep breath. “And then suddenly you’ve spent your whole day spiraling from an existential crisis about the lack of control you have. Feeling fucked up because we were not designed to go this fast. And then suddenly you’re wondering if you’ll ever be able to just frolic in a field like we were built to. If we have a future at all.”

With a final sigh, you shook your head. “Sorry, I get a little intense sometimes when I smoke. But, yeah, I think I’m gonna try to block out the noise before the whole internet explodes and there’s nothing left but scraps and archives.”

Eddie nodded, understanding your thoughts completely. He’d never been one to care about social media or the internet in general. Hell, he hadn’t gotten a smartphone until he got his first real paycheck here. The most he did was read the newspaper, no shit, and get help from his friends whenever he was in rotation to do promo for the band on their socials. His brain was usually filled to the brim with racing thoughts anyways, never needing the outside world coming in.

Well, until he walked into a bar and met you.

“What do you do then?” he asked.

Shrugging, you said, “I like to get high and cook while listening to music. Read books and listen to music. Journal. Go to some local shows to find new bands. Drink coffee at local places and listen to music. A lot of it has to do with listening to music.” Eddie couldn’t help but smile. “It’s the only thing that really seems to make sense anymore. Spotify tells me I listen to music more than, like, ninety percent of people, but I think they’re lying to make me feel cool.”

Eddie laughed. “Don’t go all conspiratorial on me this early in the smoke session.”

As you wiggled your fingers in his face, your voice went low. “Listen to my words, Eddie Boy! These are no longer theories, but facts! Tinfoil hats are sexy! Oooooh, spooky! Creeeeepy!”

Eddie rolled his eyes, shooing your hands away. “Okay, okay. Enough with whatever any of that was.”

Laughter died out before you asked the one question he’d hoped you’d never ask.

“I was really surprised when you said you didn’t know how to cook. Has your mom really never taught you how?”

Despite wanting to look away from your curious eyes, Eddie held your stare. “Uh, no. My mom died when I was a kid.”

Eyes widening, you sat up. “Oh, Eddie. Shit. I’m sorry for assuming—”

“No, no,” he interrupted. “It’s all good. You didn’t know.”

“Okay.”

The two of you were quiet again before Eddie asked, “Do you wanna know about it?”

You nodded silently.

Eddie embarked on what he called his backstory, like he was a fictional character in a novel. Maybe it was the only way he would make it through his shitty past, a tale of a boy with a dream for a good future but always coming up short.

You didn’t say anything the entire time, only watching him, eyes trained on his hands whenever he gestured. But as he spoke, he realized that his descriptions of everyone just weren’t right.

He led you to a box that he swore he’d keep closed forever, already hidden on the top shelf of his closet. The two of you sat on the carpet by his mattress, music faint in the background.

He began showing you a picture or two of his mom before he couldn’t help but keep going through the photographs. There was Wayne. The Hellfire Club. Dustin, Mike, Lucas, Max, and Erica. Ronnie, before she left for college. Bev, scowling at the camera from The Hideout. The band after their last show there. The solitary picture he had of his father from when he was barely a year old.

All of these pieces of himself that he kept close to his heart, kept close to his soul if those existed. The life he swore to keep hidden now that he was gone, with only Steve and Robin connecting him to his past. Gareth, Grant, and Jeff once they were able to graduate and move. Even then, it felt like they were a part of something new, not old.

Hawkins made him feel isolated, hollow. It was a constant reminder of everything he lost, from his mother to his father to watching Wayne slowly killing himself from working so hard all the fucking time. With his last name preceding him in reputation, there was no way to get through a singular day without a hiss or an insult. Even when people cared about him.

When he got out, he didn’t realize that there was a possibility he could meet people who were willing to give him a chance.

And he was noticing how engaged you were, studying all the photos intently, taking your time to scan them for seemingly every detail. You were focused on one in particular, of his mom in a blue sundress and Eddie resting on her hip. She was smiling, the kind of smile that comes once in a lifetime. The kind of smile that gave him an ache in his bones from missing so fucking much.

“My mom’s from Memphis, actually,” he whispered.

Your eyes lit up as you met his gaze. “We could’ve grown up so close to one another. Could you imagine?”

Eddie could. Transporting Ronnie and Granny Ecker to Tennessee. The three of you running around causing trouble. His mom calling them in for dinner, watching you fall asleep before your parents picked you up. Blasting metal around the suburbs, carpooling to school. Climbing trees and making it a shared hiding spot when things got tough.

Making sure he never lost contact with Ronnie.

“Yeah,” he said with a small smile. “I really can.”

“Why didn’t you say anything before?” you asked, looking at him.

“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug. “I didn’t want you to judge me or something.”

“We all come from somewhere. Just because I grew up in a suburb doesn’t mean I’d judge you for living in a trailer. It’s not like you chose that or like that’s a bad thing. You didn’t choose to have your mom pass away and you didn’t choose to have your dad fuck up and get arrested. Those are the cards you were dealt, sure, but you came here. You got out with people who love and care about you. That’s no small feat.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” he said, feeling heat flood his cheeks at your nice words. “I just haven’t ever seen it that way, I guess. Just a metalhead finding his way through the throws of life.”

“You’re more than just a metalhead, you know,” you said. His eyebrows furrowed. “That’s not the most interesting thing about you.”

“What is?”

“Well, I, uh…” You hesitated and Eddie began to wonder why you were tongue-tied all of a sudden. “I mean, you’re talented and you clearly enjoy quality time with people. You care and that’s a big deal. Not a lot of people care the way you do, even if you’re a little shy about it.” You opened and closed your mouth a few times like you were fighting something before adding, “There’s more but I’m pretty high. Ask me again tomorrow.”

Eddie smiled, trying not to let your words affect him the way they were starting to. “Will do, captain.”

It was infectious, being around you. You never failed to surprise him, to twist him into something more than he already was. No matter what, you were always changing the way he saw the world. His world. And Eddie knew that if he wasn’t careful, there would be a day when he would fall desperately in love with you.

Before either of you knew it, you were another joint deep, going in and out of full on talking and watching TV. He tried to show you Alien but then you kept pausing the movie to engage in a discussion that led into conversations that led into sheer nonsense. Laughter and banter and eventually a little bit of beer.

When Eddie finally checked his phone, the realization that it was midnight washed over him. “Oh, uh, hey, when do you need to leave?” he asked, looking up. “I don’t wanna keep you here if you need to go. It’s late.”

Your expression turned sheepish as you played with the fabric of his blanket. You didn’t even bother to check your phone. “To be honest, I don’t know if I’m sober enough to drive. I didn’t really think about it.”

“You could just sleep here if you’d like?” Eddie offered without thought before realizing exactly what he was suggesting. You, here. In his apartment. Alone. For the whole night.

“On the floor?” you asked with a laugh.

“I could take the floor,” he suggested. “You can have my bed.” “Why don’t we both take the bed?” you asked, finally making eye contact with him. He noticed your eyes widen, something washing over you.

But there was no time to wonder as Eddie froze at the realization at what exactly you were suggesting. You, here. In his apartment. In his bed. Together. For the night.

“You’re, uh, cool with that?” he asked, starting to fiddle with the damp label on his second beer. It was starting to shed from his picking, the adhesive sticking to his fingernails.

“Um, yeah. I am.” Your nonchalance seemed to fall as you shrugged. “But if you don’t feel comfortable with that, like, I totally understand—”

“Let’s do it,” Eddie said.

After your final attempt to finish the movie, you two were beat. Three in the morning, the world outside clouded in slumber while Eddie fumbled through the dark. Did he forget to mention that he didn’t even have a lamp yet?

When you were finally settled in bed, with you wearing a spare set of his pajamas, there was a silence between you. Eddie was unable to discern whether it was awkward or natural, his thoughts kicking into overdrive. This was a close one, maybe a little too close. Here you were, in his bed. In his apartment. In a sick turn of events, he didn’t have to stop being around you and he didn’t want to. You didn’t drain his energy. Not even once. It was goddamn twisted.

Eddie felt a shift in weight in the bed and before he knew it, your foot had come to rest on top of his calf. His heart hammered in his chest, wondering what this was. And he was…nervous? Why was he nervous? You were just friends. This was fine, right? Just some normal human contact between friends.

But you started…running your foot up and down his leg?

And then you wiggled your toes.

“Helllooooo, Edward,” you said with a high-pitched voice, verging on absolute creep territory.

He immediately flinched from your touch, scooting away from you to the edge of the bed. You howled with laughter, getting closer.

“Fuck off with that!” he nearly shouted. “That’s so fucking weird.”

“I’m cooooming for you, Edward,” you said in the voice again. “My preeeecious!”

You tried to start tickling him but Eddie fought back, pushing you away from him. Howls of laughter poured out of you, clutching your chest with pure glee. You were an absolute menace of a person.

“You’re such a weirdo!” he exclaimed, laughing his ass off.

“At least I own up to it.”

He finally turned over, watching you with your head tilted on the pillow, your hands wrapped up underneath. Mirroring your position, he let out one last chuckle before his smile softened.

“That’s your name now,” he concluded. “Weirdo.”

You nodded. “It has a nice ring to it.”

Eddie couldn’t believe that people like you existed, silly and real and beautiful and fun. Sometimes it seemed like he was the only goofy person in the room, always starting bits or talking in weird voices. Usually it was just him being up for a laugh with only some reciprocation. You, on the other hand, were just like him. It was unique in its own way, but you still fed off of his energy as much as he fed off of yours.

You two just looked in each other’s eyes illuminated by the light cascading down from the blinds. His eyes couldn’t help but flicker back and forth, trying to read you. Because you had this doe-eyed expression, with an extra sparkle of light starting to shine in your eyes. And your smile was tied up with a slight bite to your lip, like you were holding something back, like there was a sentence forming on your tongue.

It was new, this side of you.

“Why’re you looking at me like that?” he asked, nearly desperate to know what you were thinking.

Some of your smile dropped…but not all the way.

There was a glaze over your eyes, the playfulness gone. It was something more serious than what was normal for you. He couldn't discern what this was and he knew it was going to kill him. “What? Nothing. I’m not looking at you like anything.”

“Yeah, okay, sure,” he teased.

And then there were moments like these, where the silence felt comfortable and the stillness in the air didn’t feel suffocating, he was beginning to realize that he still wanted you there. Actually, if anything, it made spending time with you even better. He didn’t have to always be on all the time. He could just be himself, be human. With someone else.

He hadn’t even felt the need to smoke a cigarette tonight.

You two stayed like that until you lost whatever game you were playing and you closed your eyes for the night. Lightly snored, with your face squished against the pillow. It made him smile to see you at such a raw level and still the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen and—

Eddie’s eyes widened as realization overcame him.

He grabbed his phone and pulled up his texts with Robin.

ik it’s 4am but she stayed over

rob i think

well i think i know

Robin’s three dots popped up.

Spit it out, Eddie!

Eddie sighed quietly, glancing over at you one more time.

i’m falling in love with her

extra special thanks to @jo-harrington for always being so so supportive and encouraging of this series :')

#Eddie munson #Eddie Munson x you #Eddie munson fluff #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x reader #best friend!eddie #modern!eddie munson #modern!eddie x reader #best friend!Eddie x reader #I hope this makes up for not having IPTPYW uploaded this week!

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