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beautifulbuckys · 5 years

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Bravo, baby

Request: “Can you do a youtuber reader x steve rogers where They do boyfriend does my make up? :))”

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Fluff? Loooots of fluff, some bad humor

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Youtuber!Reader

You heard your camera give a small beep, it's now or never.

"Hey, guys!" You waved at the camera propped on a stack of books in front of you. "It's Y/N! Today, I'm back with my boyfriend Steve!"

Steved waved at the camera with a bright smile. He was beaming. "Hey, everyone!" He cheered.

You grinned at him. "Alrighty, so here's what we're doing. I get it's 2014, but I wanted to do a 'boyfriend does my makeup' video! I figured it'd be fun, and I actually think Steve will be really good at this!"

Steve let out a chuckle and shook his head playfully. He watched you talk to the camera with such care. You had lots of fun doing these videos. Filming was one of your greatest joys, you always beamed before you did it. However, Steve's favourite part of your job was when you got ideas. You eyes would shine as bright as the stars, and your smile would reach your temples. You'd always bounce out of your seat to grab your small orange notebook and write the idea down. Steve called it your 'notion notebook'.

"Okay!" You said after you finished explaining what was going to be doing. "I bought a few more supplies because it was a coincidence that I was running out,"

You dumped out a bag of a few flashy eye shadow pallets, two beauty blenders and a new highlighter.

Steve immediately grabbed a beauty blender and unpackaged it, shoving it in his mouth. "What is this? A bright pink glamorized marsh mello?" Steve questioned. He knew it was a beauty blender, he's dated you long enough to know. It was all in good fun.

"Steve!" you gasped, playfully slapping on his shoulder.

Steve started sticking his tongue out. "This thing is taking all the moisture out of my mouth!" He announced for you to hear.

You laughed, the sound bouncing off the fairy-light covered walls. Your laugh was always music to Steve's ears, especially you belly laugh. It's the way he could tell that you were having a good time, that you're enjoying yourself.

"Then spit it out, genius!"

Steve spit out the beauty blender.

"I wonder if he's going to stick my bronzer down his throat," You spurt with amusement, making eye contact to the camera.

He looked at you, with a curious glint in his eyes. That comment made him want to prove you wrong.

"Oh no," You mumbled to the camera, "He has his game face on,"

"If I'm going to do it, I'm going to be the best at it!" Steve declared, sounding confident and ready-to-go.

"You heard it here first folks! Steve Rogers is going to be a makeup artist overnight,"

"Okay, where do I start?" Steve questioned, antsy to do something so fun. You never really let him touch your makeup, in the container or on your face. He understood, it took time. Makeup was an art he just didn't understand, so he respected your request. He also understood how expensive makeup was. Whenever you were with Okoye and Nakia, you'd tell them how pricy makeup is. They wore very little, and whenever they saw you, they'd compliment yours. So you always told them about where you shopped. You'd also occasionally bring them gifts from Ulta and Sephora, telling them it was a treat for being so awesome.

"Breaking news, Steve Rogers, self-proclaimed makeup artist, doesn't actually know how to do makeup!"

He laughed, awaiting the real answer. He knew you'd actually tell him, but your viewers needed something to laugh at. You clarified, telling Steve he had freedom. You were no makeup guru, you didn't have a specific routine to follow. He could do whatever he wanted. He was going to have a blast.

Steve's hands almost immediately went to your foundation. He looked up at you for approval, and all you did was nod. He liked that you gave him freedom, he really loved it actually. However, he was still disoriented and overwhelmed. That would not falter his confidence, though.

"That's concealer, baby," You informed him, hoping to settle any confusion.

He playfully scoffed. "I knew that! It says concealer on the bottle!"

"Oh I'm sorry," You retorted with a wide grin on your face. "Who knew, maybe being 101 affected your eyesight a little. I was being a good girlfriend!"

"Ouch, that's cold," Steve growled with playfulness. He'd fake being grumpy sometimes, all for fun. Especially when you'd make fun of his age. He didn't mind, it was just for a joke and he understood the comedy of his age. Not everyone looked thirty even though they lived through the Great Depression. He didn't understand why it was funny at first. But you were the one to sit him down and remind him that he was 99, yet he looked like some 29-year-old male fitness model. Then he got the memo, it was hilarious because it was odd and unnatural.

You giggled as Steve squirted your foundation onto the beauty blender. The colour popped from the aqua applier. He made sure he didn't use the one that was previously in his mouth, that's just disgusting.

He reached up to your face with the bright applier, dabbing it twice on both cheeks and your forehead. Then, he slowly blended it together, going back and applying some extra to your nose. He dabbed and rubbed your face, constantly looking to see how it looked. Once he was satisfied, he reached for a small, brownish looking powder.

"This is," He paused, examining it, "contour?"

You nodded, surprised. "You'd be correct!"

"For an old man, I'm pretty good at guessing what makeup is what," Steve chuckled.

"Oh, so when I call you an old man I'm mean! But when you call yourself an old man you're the funniest man alive,"

Steve laughed.

"Looks like you're dating the funniest man alive!"

For the next fifteen minutes, this is all that happened. Steve would find some makeup, guess what it was, banter with you, and then apply it. He couldn't help but think how entertaining it would be to your wonderful viewers. Not only would the banter be laughable, but his awful attempt at eyeliner would be amusing.

Just like that, Steve was finished. You closed your eyes for Steve to see the damage. Your foundation was well blended, matching your complexion beautifully. The contour he applied made your cheekbones look amazing. He did your eyeshadow with close precision. You had deep blue fading into violet, which faded into a beautiful pink. It looked like a sunset straight out of a nature documentary. Steve also did your lipstick and eyeliner, which was entertaining for you. It was so hard to not laugh the entire time.

Your lipstick matched your eyeshadow. It was a pinkish-purple colour, not quite either. He lined it with a blue eyeliner you had, so it pulled the look together, while still being unique. The weakest point of your look. It was messy and all over the place, but it makes the look original and hard to copy. You loved the imperfection, Steve resented it.

"I'm deciding not to do mascara, for both your safety but also mine," Steve stated, putting down the eyeliner pen he had in his hand.

"How would you be harmed if you did my mascara?" You questioned, curious for his answer.

"I stab your eye, you stab me," He replied, looking directly into the camera like he was on The Office. Goddamn him and the millennial humour that he learned two weeks ago. You haven't heard the end of Office references since he binged the entire show with Natasha and Sharon. He sometimes drops them without even realizing, and this was an example.

You nod your head with a smirk.

"Yeah, seems about right. Good call, Stevie," You reply.

"Alright guys, I'm no artist, but please tell me how I did in the comments. I'll read them and reply to them with my obvious appreciation of any constructive criticism, this obviously isn't my field."

"I think you did pretty good, baby. You're an artist, I think it shows," You objected.

Steve blushed at you. Sure, he was an artist, but he was used to big canvasses and paintbrushes. You only have your face and tiny brushes for your colourful powers and liquids you apply to your face liquid.

"Alright guys, I have one more thing I want to do before I end this video!"

"Oh God, I think she's gonna kill me! It was nice knowing you all!" Steve joked.

"Steve!" You blurted.

"Sorry baby, as you were saying?"

Y/N took your blue eyeliner pen in your hand. You took the cap off with a pop and looked at Steve. You saw the fear deep in his ocean coloured eyes.

"You're going to do my eyeliner?" Steve asked with worry, he bet you could do it better than him, but he was also scared because that thing is pointy.

You shook your head and turned his face to see his cheek. You put your hand underneath his jaw to stabilize and started writing on Steve's cheek. He tried to stay as still as possible. You let him do your entire face, the least he could do is deal with a blue message on his cheek. You wrote for a few minutes, occasionally messing up and wiping it off. It was either a spelling mistake, or you didn't like how the handwriting looked. He was almost certain it was because of the handwriting.

You tapped on his cheek to show you were done and looked at him with a wide smile plastered on your face. He tried to see what the message was in your camera's viewfinder, but it was too small.

"Want a mirror, babe?"

"Yes, please!"

You handed him a small mirror that you used to apply your makeup in the room you two shared. He placed it on the desk in front of you and bent down, leaning into the mirror. He read the message written on his cheek, trying not to smudge it.

You're going to be a Daddy!

Tears dripped down Steve's cheeks and shock flooded over him. He looked at you, and you nodded. You were also crying, smiling as you were doing so.

"Y/N...are you serious?" He asked, joy obvious in his question. He could barely contain his excitement.

"Completely," You responded, hugging him.

Once he escaped your warm, comfortable hug, he looked into the camera again. He shared his thoughts, raving about how excited he was to have a baby with his girl.

"When did you find out?!" Steve had so many questions. Some of them were not to be asked on camera. He thought that your viewers might want to track with you, so he thought that would be a good question to ask on camera. Heck, it's probably the only question he would ask on camera. You two needed your privacy from the internet. Luckily, your viewers understood.

"A month ago," You squealed. "This is how I planned on telling you,"

He grabbed your face, placing a huge kiss on your lips. He would keep going, but there was a gremlin in the back of his head reminding him that there was a camera. It was a bonus that the camera was recording.

"Oh my God, I'm so happy!" Steve shouted.

You looked at the camera, with the biggest, goofiest smile. "You guys can't feel it, but he's literally shaking in his stool. He is a phone on vibration mode,"

"That's an odd metaphor," Steve expressed.

"Leave me alone, I'm pregnant," You laugh.

Steve looked at you, his eyes hinting he was ready for this video to be over. You got the signal. Turning back to the camera, you waved. "Alright, that wraps up this weeks video! Leave a comment below about how you think Steve did! Please like and subscribe down below, it's much appreciated and makes me strive to produce more content. Alrighty, that's all! Peace out, babes!"

"Bravo babe, now tell me about this baby,"

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Taglist:

@musiclover1263

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unohanadaydreams · 4 years

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Sometimes I get really caught up in wondering what Unohana's motivations were for helping to found the SS and like, some theories:

1. Her original intention was purely to kill the soul king. She was presumably a child while the king was active and alive. I also imagine she was probably from a particularly rough rukongai. How much worse were things while quincy and shinigami were actively feuding within soul society? Perhaps people she cared about were killed by Quincy or she was abused by them somehow. Maybe she was just a shinigami who grew to resent the "others". Her motivations could be endless.

But, after the soul society is formed, she is seen as bored, listless, and empty per her interaction with young Kenpachi, which leads me to believe what she sought to do was finished (subduing the soul king) and she didnt know how to handle being essentially purposeless after such a grand campaign.

I imagine she went from trying to survive, to trying to get stronger, to trying to kill the soul king, to....being a captain, the strongest position possible, with no real threats to her person, the soul king conquered. And she has to make peace with that and actually figure out who she is and what kind of life she wants now that she isnt just trying to climb higher and higher. She lowers her head. She sees what's around her. She meets a boy. And she smiles.

2. She started out as a revolutionary, aiming to make things better for the rukongais. This one seems plausible to me due to the person she becomes--the character she is when first introduced.

Side note on this one: Kubo gives us the reason that she left so Kenpachi could take her place/she wasnt worthy, but I'm taking that as a "I'm aimless and depressed" and not at face value, because Unohana retrofitting her life around Kenpachi is dumb. I think the main reason she cared AT ALL for Kenpachi was because he probably reminded her a loooot of herself. A rukongai rat desperately lashing out for strength, with a solid code of personal ethics, who obviously has a soft spot for people (yachiru, ikkaku, yumichika), who she fears will become aimless once he reaches his goals, like she did. Who she fears will be merely used (which he is) like she was.

Back on topic, I imagine things were probably way worse pre-seireitei. It's clear that there was once a larger emphasis on nobility (and might still be. Manga canon never got much into the actual politics outside of the first arc w/ Rukia and Byakuya, but the image I got was of a faded relevance) and with the constant clash among shinigami and quincy as well as the lack of protection for the rukongai (since I'm presuming seireitei didnt exist at the time), I'm sure in her days as a youth, Everywhere was a lawless battle zone. I dont imagine the nobility gave a shit about structuring the rukongai and just wanted preferential treatment within the new government. And a huge wall.

So, you have this very strong shinigami who can hold her own against quincy in battle and could realistically be swayed to fight for you if you cater to the commoners a bit and promise her dangerous enemies to 1v1. The nobility and many of the older generation don't like the idea because shes a criminal--she doesnt play by their rules or respect their values; she only cares about honesty and strength. You're able to get everyone to play nice, because you're patient and wise and Yachiru can rally shinigami behind her that were previously thought to be lost to lawless abandon in the rukongais. She believes in something better so earnestly that they do to. So you tell her what she wants to hear.

I dont find it hard to believe that Yamamoto lied about what exactly the new government would be willing to do for the rukongais after the soul king was defeated. And after everything is said and done, what is Unohana going to do? After the foundation is placed and everything's built and things still arent as she thought, what can she do? Rip apart any of the infrastructure she was able to get them because it isnt enough? She knows she could take out plenty of people on her way down, but she also knows her fate would be the maggots nest and that's not going to happen.

So shes depressed and aimless, going to the worst run rukongais and fighting anyone. Everyone. Sparing them the fate of living. Sparing them the disappointment of the Seireitei, who will never give a shit about them. Sparing herself from having to face the truth of what happened and who she is now; shes a war hero and a captain and she should be happy and proud and fulfilled, after all. And then she sees herself in a boy, who cuts her throat--cuts the throat of a captain--and feels something, realizes that things can still change and she isnt stagnant. Realizes that there is still true will and strength out here, enough to touch the likes of her.

So she finds the strength to move on, to create again.

3. Self-preservation, pure and simple.

I think for this one, the most likely scenarios would be that she either did something reckless and illegal towards the shinigami or Quincy. If it was toward the quincy and shes being hunted, well: the enemy of thine enemy is thy friend. If it's against the shinigami, then I find it likely Yamamoto knew she was more valuable to him alive than dead.

This one is built upon the fact that I think Unohana was pretty fucking young when all of this went down; she doesn't look near Yamamoto's age and I can imagine any young person raised in war torn squalor is going to get up to some truly reckless shit in the name of Strength and Power.

As far as WHAT she did? I bet she probably organized some rather substantial attacks on the quincy, attempting to test her strength against enemies with powers she wasnt used to fighting. Maybe even got too close to winning against a high ranking official and got herself a spite bounty.

For the shinigami, I honestly think her existence was enough to get her in trouble, since a nobility and seniority driven society is gonna look at a super powered rukongai girl with no respect for government or hierarchy as a menace. But to be spicy, I'll say she probably punched a noble in a bar fight and laughed when she found out who they were. Or she seduced a Kuchiki woman. Actually combine them. That was what got her in the "fight with us or die" shackles. Chaotic lesbianism.

You could very well combine any and all of these, but I needed some level of organization or this wouldve turned into a more aimless and lengthy post.

#mars speaks #retsu unohana #bleach imagines #bleach headcanons #look im just saying the world building of bleach is extremely interesting #and a LOT of characters get left to implication #im not saying i need explanation for everything bc thats super unrealistic for a manga #and also the last arc which wouldve presumably explained any of this in any way was cut SUPER short #so im here to Make Shit Up for my own satisfaction

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calliecat93 · 4 years

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So last week was… okay. Lost of good things happened, but the execution was flimsy especially regarding certain revelations. But we’re nearing the end now, and that means a ton of insanity from now until the end. After this week we only have three chapters left to go, and we still have a loooot to get through. What are we in for this week? Well… lots and lots of fighting. Let’s get on with it.

Overview

Mantle is in chaos. Various Grimm are attacking and the citizens are running for their lives. The heroes are doing their best to fight off the Grimm and save the people, but it’s easier said than done especially with the limited shelters. The people are still upset, begging to be taken up to Atlas and demanding answers as to why Ironwood is doing this. But thankfully, they get their answer as Robyn and Ironwood appear on the broadcast screens. With Robyn using her Semblance to confirm it as true, Ironwood reveals Salem’s existence, exposes Watts and Tyrian, and reveals the reason behind his actions. He states that Amity is ready now and he’s sending his forces into Mantle to help with evacuations. This is enough to, for now, calm the people down.Tyrian is enraged and Watts is stunned that Amity got past him, but he re-scrambles. While he goes to Amity he tells Tyrian to cause as much chaos as possible, and the Scorpian man gets an idea when Robyn declares that she’ll be heading down herself.

Cinder and Neo have also heard this, and Cinder is unhappy. Not just because of Watts and Tyrian being there, but because this goes against the timeline that she was aware of. Due to this, she’s forced to adjust the plan and tells Neo to go after Oscar and get the Lamp. Neo is unhappy, after all, she’s there to get at Ruby. But Cinder refuses until she has what she needs. O while Neo gets the Lamp, she intends to get the Winter Maiden powers. Back in Mantle, the heroes continue to try and take down the Grimm and evacuate the citizens into the choppers. At this point, Penny has joined the fray and tries to help Ruby and Harriet against a Mega Goliath.

During this we see Ruby close her eyes, clearly trying to focus so that she can use the Silver Eyes. But like in the V6 finale, she can’t maintain focus and this time she doesn’t have Jimm to give her an out. SO she resumes fighting per usual, having to go after Penny after the Mega-Goliath knocks her away. Fortunately, Ruby is able to form a plan. Penny, with her lasers, weakens one of the Goliaths tusks, allowing Ruby to slash it off and knock the Mega Goliath right onto it, killing it. This is why we don’t mess with Ruby Rose kids. Seeing Penny defend them helps restore the people’s faith in her as she conforms to Robyn that she can proceed with evacuations on her end. Robyn leaves that task to Joanna as she looks for stragglers… but Tyrian chooses to strike her then. But unfortunately for him, Robyn isn’t alone. Clover and Qrow were earlier informed of new orders, and are now there too face Tyrian alongside Robyn. Grudge match time~!

Up in Amity, Watts finds himself at the center stage. He says ‘it’ll do’ and he has the briefcase that he had back in Chapter 2. The doctor, however notes that it doesn’t seem finished… and he’s right. The lights come on and Ironwood welcomes him form the announcer booth. Yep, it was a trap. The Arena isn’t ready yet, but the announcement sure lured Watts in. But Watts isn’t deterred by this, using his control ring things to activate the Biome system and blocks a shot by Ironwood with a Hard Light Shield. Ironwood calls him a pain in the ass as she continues the attack, Watts jumping away as the Biome is set: the previously unused Anti-Gravity Biome. The biome emerges and Watts, armed with his own gun, informs Ironwood that he’s not going down without a fight.

Review

I know that compared to usual the Overview seems rushed but that’s because this is mainly a fight scene/setup chapter. There, unfortunately, isn’t much to say with these kinds of chapters. It’s just fight scenes. I’m not saying that as a negative and trust me I’ve still got plenty to go over. But all that I can really say is that the fights were good. Ruby and Penny vs the Goliath especially, though Harriet’s Aura breaking certianly has me concerned… still, it was really good. There isn’t much to say otherwise and considering it takes up the majority of the volume, it leaves me with only so much to talk about.

So we have Neo and Cinder back and their plans are now more clear. Cinder is going for the Maiden Powers and Neo, against her wishes has to go after Oscar. TO say that I am concerned would be an understatement. I’m fairly positive that Cinder isn’t going to get the Winter Maiden powers… but IDT that Winter, who I assume that Cinder’s gonna fight at this point won’t either. This not only makes me worried for Winter, but for whoever does get the power. There are a number of possibilities about who will and what’ll happen. I still expect Nora because of the whole ‘Fria might be Freya’ thing, but I could be wrong. Either way, Winter is strong but up against CInder? Well… hopefully, she maks it out. Please. /Please/.

But let’s talk about the Cinder and Neo partnership. I know that a lot of people are expecting Neo to backstab Cinder, myself included. But… IDT it’s gonna happen yet. For one, Neo is still outclassed by Cinder and she is fully aware of this. The whole reason she decided to listen to CInder in V6 is because Cinder went into Maiden Mode. I assume that Neo has a similar ‘survive’ philosophy that Roman has, and maybe we’ll see her outgrow that if Cinder pushes her too far, but for now that’s not gonna happen. She’s certainly unhappy that she has to go after some farmboy over Ruby. But I imagine that she’ll still do it, and heck if she succeeds, she’ll have the perfect way to lure Ruby out. I think Neo is very much waiting to kill two birds with one stone, but with Cinder going to do her own thing, the time isn’t right. V8 is likely when that’ll come into play more, but this is good for setting things up.

That’s what this chapter is for the most part; setup. It’s the beginning of the final ac of the volume. We FINALLY have the Qrow and Robyn (and apparently Clover) vs Tyrian fight that we’ve been anticipating since the opening came out. We have Ironwood facing Watts in Amity. This can go /multiple/ ways. I think that Robyn and Qrow are safe for now, and if Harriet dies first Clover might be. It’s certainly NOT going to be taken well if he does die, that much I already know. Tyrian I think might also survive, or at least I think his chances are better than Watts. But we don’t know what Watts plans to do with Amity Tower and we still don’t know what’s in that suitcase. Ironwood… well… he’s correcting his missteps, but those missteps may very well cost him his life. Especially against a guy who can control technology, and what is half of Ironwood’s body made of? Yeah… but Ironwood is also a rained military general while Watts is just a disgraced scientist, though at least not a defenseless one. It’s gonna be interesting to see how this all goes down. Oh and we still have the potential Flying Money attack to worry about, though at this point it might be a V8 thing.

But speaking of those missteps, we get to the negative side. I think I made my feelings about the rushed revelations and everyone taking it far too well clear. Well… here we are again. Now I think it was better here since they had Robyn use her Semblance to make it clear to everyone that Ironwood is telling the truth. As such, I can buy that the people will believe it especially given Robyn’s status among the people of Mantle. But ‘believing it’ and ‘being happy about it’ are NOT the same thing. I can’t buy that the people put their resentment of Ironwood aside that easily. That they are so willing to go ’oh some evil lady and her minions are behind this? Okay!’. For one ironwood STILL made bad choices even before this. The embargo, the police state, his deprivation of resources causing the attack, to begin with, he is still is at fault for those things. And after we saw Mantle break into multiple riots, including resorting to outright violence last week, you expect me to believe that revealing the truth made everything okay? Really? Really?

Yes, I know that we have three chapters left. And yes I know that this could very well cross over into V8. I know this and am willing to accept this. But I am still unhappy about it because it is anti-climactic. Yes, I’m glad to see everyone co-operating but it leaves no consequences. None for Ironwood’s missteps and dictatorship. None for Ruby lying about Salem’s immortality. Really the way Ruby was handled for this I am going to reserve for the Full Review cause to say I’m not happy is putting it lightly. Yes, we know why they did these things, but choices have consequences. Revealing Salem’s existence should have consequences. I guess if Ironwood dies that means he pays the price, but still. It just feels like they couldn’t think of a better way with everything else going on, so they had no choice but to just rush through it. I get that timing sucks, but this really is dampening my ability to enjoy these final chapters. I hope that isn’t the case with the final three, but only time will tell.

Still, there were plenty of good scenes. Like Ruby trying to channel the eyes. There’s no dialogue but you can just tell that she’s trying but still can’t properly focus. This not only helps explain why she doesn’t just do that right now but shows that she still has a long way to go with being able to use her powers willingly. As I said, all the fights were excellent with highlights aside form Ruby and Penny being Weiss saving Marrow, Jaune getting the people into line, and Elm using a rocket launcher on the Goliaths. While this is mostly setup, it’s good setup and certainly leaves us with a LOT to look forward to. Or be terrified of. Depends on how you look at it.

Chapter Eleven Predictions

This… is a tough one. We have so much going on right now. The Tyrian fight. Watts vs Ironwood. Neo going after Oscar. Cinder going after the Maiden powers. That last one I can see being held off until Chapter 12, but IDK about the rest. I already expressed every character I’m concerned for so there isn’t much left to say there. IDK what RWBYJNR and Ace-Ops will get into aside form continuing evacuations, but I won’t be surprised if some kind of bomb that makes things worse drops. All that I can safely say is that it’s gonna be complete and utter chaos.

Episode Stats

Favorite Character: Ruby Rose and James Ironwood Favorite Scene: Ruby trying, and failing, to channel the Silver Eyes. Least Favorite Scene: More rushed truth revealing Favorite Voice Actor: Jason Rose (James Ironwood) Favorite Animation: Opening shots of Mantle Rating: 7/10

Final Thoughts

I feel the same way that I felt last week about this chapter. It was okay. Not good. Not bad. Just okay. Again the flimsy execution with the truth reveals is really hampering my ability to enjoy this. But we still have plenty of good fights and things to look forward to next week. I am more uncertain than ever about how things are going to end, where in the past I usually had a decent idea of what would happen by now. We can only wait and see how these final few chapters play out. But either way, we’re nearing the climax folks. Be very afraid.

#rwby #rwby7 #rwby reviews #callie reviews

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lost-in-the-in-between · 7 years

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“Well that’s the second biggest news I’ve heard all day.” For @do-you-ever-really-crash !

Fandom: Dear Evan Hansen

Ship: Evan/Zoe

Characters: Evan Hansen, Zoe Murphy, Heidi Hansen, Connor Murphy (mentioned)

TW: Panic attack, Mentions of Suicide, Negative/Depressed Thoughts, A loooot of self-doubt

Notes: In the same universe as Proposal, but you don’t have to read that to understand this (but you should because it’s good!). This story is set around thirteenish years after DEH. Also, this is really long. Don’t expect other things to be this long. It’s been edited a bit, but I’m sure there are still typos so sorry. Enjoy!

Evan’s hands shook as he opened the door to his car. He gripped the steering wheel tightly, taking a moment to breathe and try to steady himself before driving. The absolute last thing he needed was to die in a car accident on the way to his mother’s house. Although that was fairly probable regardless of whether or not he experienced a panic attack, his brain argued. His right hand searched the passenger seat blindly, finally finding his cell phone.

He dialed the familiar number quickly, breathing in through his nose and back out through his mouth a few times.

“Hey, Evan,” Heidi’s familiar voice jolted him back to reality briefly. He opened his mouth, desperate for something to come out. She could hear his heavy breathing, he knew. He could picture her brow furrowing, the almost ever-present crease appearing on her forehead.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Even now, he couldn’t seem to get his mouth to form the words. She would be panicking soon, he knew. He hated himself for putting her through this again. He always did this, God, what was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he be normal? So many people would be ecstatic to be in his shoes and here he is, unable to even breathe properly, tears covering his face.

“Evan, I need you to breathe, okay? Can you do that for me? In - hold one, two, three - out. In-” He listened to her soothing voice and followed her instructions, briefly remembering all the times this had happened during his childhood. Oh, god. Oh, god. He couldn’t do this.

And yet, somehow, he managed to live through the next few minutes in spite of what his brain was telling him. Somehow, he managed to catch his breath. Judging from her voice, Heidi too seemed calmer.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” She asked as soon as he sounded at least moderately normal. He reached for a half-empty water bottle in the floor of the passenger side, grimacing before taking a swig.

“Mom,” Evan coughed, replacing the cap and throwing the bottle into the back seat. He rubbed at his eyes, leaning his head against the steering wheel. “I- Zoe,” He stuttered out, not even sure he could physically say the words. Saying it out loud made it real and once it was real, he had to face it. He couldn’t ignore it, but not really ignore it. He couldn’t pretend he had no idea that it was happening even if he was actually screaming on the inside.

“Zoe? Is she okay? Evan, you’ve got to talk to me.”

“Zoe’s pregnant,” He breathed out, his throat burning as the word’s left his mouth. His mother was silent for a moment and he nearly panicked again. What if his mother was disappointed in him for some reason? What if she also thought he wasn’t going to be a good parent? What if she thought he couldn’t handle himself, let alone a baby-

“I’m going to be a grandma?” She asked, her voice full of awe. It was as if this concept had never even crossed her mind before. Honestly, it probably hadn’t. It wasn’t like it was something Evan had ever really thought about. Well, he had, but he always assumed it wasn’t going to happen. He couldn’t have kids. Well, biologically he could, obviously, but he wasn’t fit for parenting.

“Yes.”

“Evan, I’m so happy for you!” He shook his head. Heidi wasn’t happy. Evan wasn’t happy. The baby wouldn’t be happy, and then Zoe wouldn’t be happy. All he ever seemed to do was hurt Zoe and he couldn’t keep doing that. God, why had he ever agreed to marry him? She deserved so much better.

“Whatever you’re thinking right now, stop it,” Heidi said when he didn’t say anything. “Why are did you have a panic attack about Zoe being pregnant? Haven’t you guys talked about this before?” They hadn’t exactly. Yes, the topic had obviously come up. They had been married for three years after all. But Evan always found a way out of it, too terrified of even entertaining the idea of being a dad. Now he was doing much more than entertaining it. He was face to face with the idea as an actual reality and he was beyond worried.

“N-not exactly.”

“Evan, what’s this about?” She asked, trying to understand him. “Is this about your dad?”

Evan sat up and wiped the tears off his face with the back of his free hand. “I don’t- maybe?”

“You aren’t going to be like him, honey.”

“I’m going to be worse,” The words were out before he could stop them. He wanted to swallow them back up and shove them deep inside, somewhere no one would find them. His mom didn’t need to comfort him - he was a grown man. He wasn’t a child and he needed to stop panicking like this and just-

“Oh honey...how could you even think that?” Because it was true. His dad was shitty, but at least he wasn’t as messed up as Evan. In fact, he had a great life. He had two other kids who weren’t even slightly fucked up, so clearly, Evan was a fluke. Evan’s problems were his own, but he’d definitely pass them on to his child.

“He left us. You would never do that, baby. I know you. You’re a good man, Evan, and your baby is going to see that too,” He felt a second round of tears pricking at the back of his eyes. “You’re going to be such a good dad, honey, and Zoe is going to be the best mom in the world.”

“No, that’s you,” He replied without thinking. Evan couldn’t believe there’d been a time in his life when he’d resented her. Heidi was the most selfless woman he knew and the world’s greatest mom. She worked harder than anyone he’d ever met. He was beyond lucky to be her son, even if she hadn’t been there that much during his teen years. She more than made up for it now.

“Thank you, but I’m ready to pass the title on to Zoe...speaking of which, where is she? I want to tell her congratulations!” Oh shit. Oh shit. He’d ran and- Zoe was probably pissed. He would be. No, he wouldn’t, but he definitely could understand why she would be.

“I- I should go apologize.”

“Evan Hansen, what did you do?”

“Uh, I’ll explain later. I’ll tell her you said congrats,” He said, glancing back towards their modest house. Did they have space for a baby? Probably, he thought. The yard was small, though. It only had a few good trees. Maybe he should plant more, and then their baby would have more climbing options once they were old enough for that.

“Okay, tell her to call me so we can do dinner sometime this week. I want to celebrate my future grandbaby!” His mother said cheerfully. Well, at least someone was excited about this.

“I will. Love you,” He hung up and cautiously opened the car door. Evan climbed out and slid his beat up cellphone into his back pocket. He approached the house nervously, knowing that he shouldn’t waste any time in apologizing to his pregnant wife but still feeling terrified of the impending conversation. Evan opened the front door and entered quietly, bunching the hem of his shirt in his hands.

“Zoe?” He called, moving about the first floor. She wasn’t in the living room or kitchen...had she left too? Had she finally realized how messed up he was and just decided to leave? Did she-

“Up here,” Her voice came from the second floor. Evan took the carpeted stairs two at a time and entered the spare bedroom at the end of the hall, opposite their room. He found Zoe sitting on the small twin bed shoved in a corner, glancing around the plainly decorated room. Her large hazel eyes were calculating. She was determining how to set up the nursery, he supposed.

“I- I’m sorry,” He muttered. Zoe glanced back up at him. He knew he’d messed up, he could see the anger in her face already. “I’m an idiot.”

“Oh really? Well, that’s the second biggest news I’ve heard all day,” She replied sarcastically, raising an eyebrow. Zoe smirked though and he knew he was forgiven. She crossed her legs and leaned forward, patting a place beside her on the bed.

“Yeah, you probably should divorce me now,” He replied sarcastically. Zoe laughed and he sat, leaning into her. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his t-shirt.

“Oh, definitely,” He could make out faintly, her mouth smushed against his shoulder. Evan smiled, thinking for the millionth time how lucky he was that not only had she agreed to go out with him, but that she’d asked him to marry her. He had never imagined that this would be his life fifteen years ago. Hell, he couldn’t believe that this was his life most days.

Zoe pulled away slightly, just enough to look at him. Her eyes studied him and he felt that jolt of excitement he’d felt as a teenager. She wasn’t as mysterious or elusive as she had been back then, but she was still able to see straight through him.

“You’re not going to fuck this up, you know,” Zoe said with confidence.

“How do you know that, though? I-”

“You aren’t. I know,” She replied, shifting onto her knees so she was eye to eye with him. “You aren’t.”

“I literally ran out of here as soon as you told me you were pregnant, how am I not going to screw this up?”

“You know what I did when I found out?” Zoe asked, with a laugh. “I stomped on the test until it broke.” He jerked away from her in shock.

“Why?” She had seemed happy when she told him, but maybe she was just as freaked out as he was? Did she even want this? What did they do if she didn’t? He would support her no matter what choice she made-

“You aren’t the only one with a fucked up family, Evan,” Her eyes found the bookcase which housed the family portrait she’d shoved in here out of sight. His eyes met the broody pair belonging to Connor and he felt an ache in his gut. He hadn’t known him well, but he’d seen how unhappy he was at school. He knew he was just as miserable as Evan was. What if he made his own child just as miserable? What if they did something like he had? Like Connor had? What if-

“Hey, I didn’t mean him. I meant my parents,” She replied evenly. Her own eyes had found Connor’s it seemed. He recognized the pain that was always there when she thought about him. Evan reached for one of her hands to squeeze.

“I don’t want to become my parents,” Her voice was so quiet, he wasn’t sure he’d heard it. Even so, he pulled her closer, breathing in the familiar and comforting scent that belonged to Zoe Murphy-Hansen.

“You aren’t your parents, Zoe,” He whispered back, looking away from the picture. Evan shifted to block the view from her. “You aren’t. You’re so strong and smart and funny and- you care. You always have. Remember how we met?”

She smiled sadly at the memory of apologizing for her brother’s actions. Out of everyone in the hallway, Zoe had been the only one to stop and make sure he was alright. She noticed things and would notice things about their child that her own parents did not realize about Connor. Evan never doubted for a second that she’d be an incredible mother.

“We’ll be better,” She said finally, looking back in his eyes. “We won’t leave or ignore them. We’ll actually help them, if they need it,” The fire that usually lit up her eyes was back, along with a firm smile. “We’ll love them, no matter what.”

“No matter what,” He agreed, leaning forward to rest his forehead against hers. Evan meant it. He would love their baby no matter what. He was still absolutely terrified that he would screw the child up and make them just like him, or that he’d isolate them and hurt them in some way. But, maybe it would be okay. Their child would have two loving parents there to help them, that was for sure.

#dear evan hansen #evan hansen #deh fics #dear evan hansen fic #zoe murphy #heidi hansen #connor murphy #evan/zoe #zoe/evan #this prompt isn't angsty so why is this #sort of fluffy too though?#basically evan freaks out and heidi and zoe are there for him #dehfic #zoevan #ash writes

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