#Which is in part because he didn't talk much about that with us grandkids in large part because we weren't old enough early enough

[maeamian]

When I was a young excited physics student I went down to my advisor and asked for a job in a lab. Those of you who are in the sciences may recognize this as exceedingly common, most schools with science departments will hire undergrads for their labs both to give the undergrads experience and to have someone comparatively cheap to do the least skilled labor in those labs.

For me, the lab I was sent to was one doing cool photonics projects and I was assigned to a guy who was doing the theoretical modeling for them and I got put on a side project for them to develop a method to double check their results using Monte Carlo simulations.

Put bluntly, I toiled away in the little cubicle they had me in for about half a year before I transferred to a different school without ever having produced anything of any particular value other than a Monte Carlo simulation whose temperature readings were not taking into account the existence of a heat sink and therefore got overwhelmed by thermal photons in a completely inaccurate and unhelpful way.

Ultimately, many tasks, farmed out like this in a speculative way to undergrads, fail, certainly it's not exceptional that mine did and I learned a lot about the process in the process, so it wasn't wasted time for me, but it produced absolutely nothing the lab could use to further its results.

This is where it turns from a little anecdote about my work history into a morality tale, because what I have thus far deliberately failed to tell you is that the lab I was assigned to is a provider of radar services to the US Military. Had I produced anything of any value whatsoever the work I did would have been used by the US military to help with its capacity to deliver bombs. This is, unfortunately, as those of you who are in the sciences may recognize, also exceedingly common. Luckily, and through no foresight or moral thinking of my own, simply the inexperience of youth, I produced nothing of value but view the path they tried to set me down as a grim warning of what might have been.

I'm not asking for forgiveness, the harm I might have done was not done by me, although I'm also sure was done without my help. They didn't need it to be me they just needed someone with basic calculus knowledge who wouldn't think too hard about the connection between the work and the world, and they were happy enough that particular warm body was me.

So this is my plea, if you're young and getting involved in the sciences because you're passionate about knowledge and understanding our place in the universe. When you go to get that job in that lab that's such a good stepping stone to the next thing you want to do, take a second and look into where that lab's funding is coming from. If it turns out it's the military, maybe then take another second and really deeply consider what kind of thing your work can be used to do and if you would like some of the most bloodthirsty people on the planet to be able to do that thing because of your help.

I got lucky that I didn't help, but I'm hoping that with this warning you might be able to not help on purpose which is a greater moral good than what I managed.

#IDK been thinking about this a lot recently for obvious reasons #I should've known better at the time too to be clear I was just blinded by excitement #If I'd stayed at that school and that lab and got to the level where I could contribute #They would have happily sent me to the Raytheon office down the street #Where I would've been well paid as my soul chipped away at itself #And I will never not resent the structure of the system that had that future in mind for me #I feel extra foolish for having nearly fallen for it considering my grandfather's history as a member of the Union of Concerned Scientists #Which is in part because he didn't talk much about that with us grandkids in large part because we weren't old enough early enough #There's a lot I wish he could've talked to me about now that I'm old enough to really understand it #But back to the point tell your advisor 'I'm not comfortable working in a military lab do you have any other options' #That's what I wish I'd said #Meanwhile my dad (the legend) claims to have cost the military millions of hours of productivity and credibly so

[hangmanssunnies]

Inconceivable!

Summary: No one tells you how hard it is to have to plan to leave and hurt the love of your life. However, when you know you want different things, you must choose. And your baby is probably the only thing you can ever imagine choosing over Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw.

Pairings: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Fem! Reader

Fandom: Top Gun: Maverick 

Word count: 8.2k words

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, fertility problems, panic attacks, Angst with a happy ending, threatening to break Brad's heart, so many references to The Princess Bride,Soft!smut, Soft!Bradley, Organized!Bradley. Let me know if I missed any others.

Authors Note: No use of Y/N. As always, I love BradBrad so much y'all. I don't know if I can write nonangsty smut. I was thinking of him and kids. The next thing you know I wrote whatever this is. Bradley wearing glasses 🥵. I hope you enjoy this! My inbox is always open if you want to let me know your thoughts. Reblogs with your thoughts, opinions, and tags are always appreciated as well! I love reading through them.

You knew Bradley never wanted to be a father, which was just fine with you because you knew you couldn't have kids. You had known about your fertility problems for a long time and had long ago come to peace with it. 

Y'all had several conversations about children when you first started dating. Once you both felt like your feelings on the matter were hashed out, you had never really felt like revisiting the topic. Your life wasn't less or empty without kids. You were perfectly content with the life you and Rooster had made together. 

That's why you have no idea what to do with the situation you are in right now. You were at your gynecologist for your annual check-up. Taking a pregnancy test was standard procedure, something you didn't even bat your eyes about or worry over. What you weren't prepared for was the positive results back. 

"I'm sorry?" You choked out in disbelief. "That can't be possible."

"I know this is probably surprising, but," your doctor starts to say before you cut them off. 

"No. No, I have known since I was 17 that I can't get pregnant."

"Well, you are and can. Sometimes miracles like this can happen," your doctor responded kindly. 

She went on to ramble more and talk about some next steps and options. You felt shocked, not entirely sure how to process the information she was throwing your way. You left the office a bit later, promising to set up a follow-up appointment. 

Your first thought was to get an abortion. It was the obvious solution. Bradley didn't want kids, and you hadn't wanted them either. Right? You tried to think if it was true. Was it that you didn't want kids or just that you couldn't have kids? 

For the next week, you tried to run the pros and cons and sort out your feelings on what was happening. You tried to act as normal as possible with Bradley. You didn't want to bring anything up until you knew how you felt.

Part of you kept coming back to when you were a little girl to how growing up before you knew that you couldn't have kids, the promise you would whisper to yourself. The promise of how you would do better than your own parents did. 

You thought of the fantasies you used to have: the baby shoes, baking in the kitchen guiding a tiny pair of hands, sports practices, matching sweaters for family holiday cards, first recitals, proms and homecomings, dropping them off for their first day of college, and parent's weekends where you buy cheap booze, family trips, the possibilities of grandkids. 

Now suddenly, all those fantasies were a possibility again. A reality that could come true in less than a year. Thinking about them brought an ache to your chest. An ache that manifested as want, a desire so strong all the cons you could come up with didn't really matter, well, all of them but one. 

The biggest problem of the puzzle was Bradley, the love of your life. You had absolutely no doubt that he would do the right thing and stay by your side. However, you didn't want him to be a dad because he had to do it. The thought of him being forced to do something he didn't want to, just because it's the right thing, made your stomach roll. The idea of part of him resenting you, and eventually your child too, because of something you chose. That was something you couldn't live with. 

So even though you felt a heavy hurt in your chest, you knew you had to leave Bradley. You weighed that heartbreak compared to the want for this child that had bloomed in your chest, and one outweighed the other. So now, on top of thinking about the baby, you started to think through quiet plans of how it would hurt your husband least to leave him. 

You almost broke down one night and told him the two of you had been lying on the couch together. Bradley was casually spooning you from behind, one of his hands playing with a lock of hair while the movie he picked played on the TV. Of course, it was the Princess Bride, one of his all-time favorites. 

You were half watching the movie, half dozing. Bradley was too good at soothing you, and you had started noticing a significant change in your energy levels as of late. You mentally made a note to bring it up at the follow-up doctor's appointment you had scheduled. 

"I would do that," Bradley suddenly says, bringing you back to alertness. 

"Oh really?" you hum, unsure what he was talking about. 

"Yes, I would wait five years and chase after kidnappers, fight the prince, build a tolerance to poison, all for you, baby." 

Bradley's honest love for you warmed your chest like it always did. However, the current circumstances turned that warmth into a bitter aftertaste in the back of your throat. What you were doing haunted you. His hand drops your hair and traces down your arm until he threads your fingers together. His large hand in yours helped further break down your resolve. 

"What if I asked you to do something you didn't want to?" You ask him hesitantly. 

"If you wanted me to, then I would," Brad tells you plainly. As if that were a given, you should just expect that his desires would line up with yours. It doesn't put you at ease like you were hoping it would. 

"What if it was something you really didn't want to. Something bigger than sword fights and rodents of unusual size?" 

His hand flexes squeezing yours a little tighter. Bradley doesn't say anything for a moment, and you wait with bated breath. Finally, he nuzzles your neck with his nose before asking, "Do you have something specific in mind?" 

That was the moment, the moment that you could come clean to him. You could be honest and lay it all out on the table, but you don't. You can't. You aren't ready to let him go yet; it's too soon, you tell yourself. 

So you lie to him, finally pushing the words out your throat, "No, nothing specific. Just asking." 

Bradley's fingers that are laced with yours squeeze yours again, and you have the sneaking suspicion that he doesn't believe your lie. "Well, even if it was big. We would do what we always do. We'll talk about it and figure it out. Then I'll agree with what you want, just like I always do."

"You shouldn't do things you don't want to do just for me, Brad," you chastise him lightly. The heavy pit in your chest constricts even more. 

He kisses your head, pulling you a little tighter against him in his embrace. "Sure, whatever you say, babe." 

The whole thing sits with you for another week, and the doctor's appointment you made starts to creep closer. You are reading an article in incognito mode on your phone about nutrition during pregnancy and the importance of vitamins. Occasionally, you glance up to see Bradley sitting on the other side of the couch. 

He has a thick World War Two biography book wide open, nearing the end. His reading glasses are perched on the edge of his nose. Even though you had teased Brad relentlessly when he first got them, the glasses were actually really hot. The sight of them on him now makes heat start to bud in the bottom of your abdomen. 

You lock your phone and set it aside, looking more thoroughly at Bradley now. He was so so very handsome. You found it unlikely there would ever be another man you would allow into your bed after him. The edges of panic that seep into you every time you consider the inevitable end with Bradley makes a reappearance. You push it to the side as much as possible, but it creates a sudden desperation for him in you. 

"Bradley."

"Yes, my love?" He asks, not looking up from the page in front of him. 

"I need something."

"What do you need?" He turns the page of his book and pushes those damn glasses higher up the bridge of his nose. 

"I need you," you tell him, biting your lip. 

His eyes snap up from the page to look at you, and his eyebrows raise, processing your words. "What was that?"

"I need you to make love to me, Brad. I'm on fire." 

He dog ears the page he is on his book and sets it on the coffee table, turning to give you his full attention. His hands casually trace up your leg, massaging the tense muscles of your claves. 

You let out a soft sigh at the feeling. A few moments later, Bradley crawls up your body, pressing soft kisses to your neck and then melding his lips to yours. You sigh into his mouth, enjoying the taste of him, trying to savor it. You pull off his reading glasses so they aren't in the way, haphazardly tossing them away. 

When he starts to pull away, you wrap your arms around him, drawing him closer, not wanting any space between you. You trace one of your hands down his neck and under the collar of his shirt, tracing his shoulders, kissing him harder, slipping your tongue into his mouth. 

"What has got you so needy, sweet girl?" He asks you, confused, pressing a few soft sweet kisses to your throat.

"Just you, handsome man," you tell him, trying to draw Bradley back to your lips. Bradley smiles, hearing your words but then shifts off you and the couch. 

Before you can protest at his absence, he goes to pick you up. Like every time Bradley picks you up, you are hit with the worry that it will be the time he can't do it, or he will drop you, make heaving grunting sounds, or some other terrible mishap will come to pass. It doesn't, though; he secures you in his arms and starts to carry you through the house to your room. 

You start pressing kisses to the readily presented column of his neck then. When he reaches your bed and goes to put you down, you sink your teeth into the space where his neck starts to curve into his shoulder. Although he lets out a hiss, you hadn't held back with the bite. You made it intending to mark him. 

When he does set you down, you scramble hurriedly to start undressing him, desperate to see and feel the expanses of his golden skin. Unfortunately, you only get Brad out of his teeshirt before he stops you. His large hands close around your wrists, holding them tight, preventing them from moving further down, lower than the top of his abdomen. 

"Slow down, pretty girl. We got all the time in the world," he says. You know, he said it to be soothing, but he didn't know how wrong he was. He didn't understand the finite amount of time you had left together. 

So when he lets go of your wrist, you instead start to pull off your own clothes and settle yourself on the bed. You stare at him expectantly and let out the smallest huff. 

"Slow down." He tells you again, "And, don't move your hands off the headboard," When he is satisfied with how you are holding it, he starts to kiss down your body. 

"Why are you so worried?" he breaths out against your inner thigh, pressing feather-light kisses to the skin there. "You know I'm going to take care of you, my love. I always do. There's no reason to be so worried."

Bradley's words manage to hit the exact spot of comfort you are actually needing. Even though you are planning on leaving him. You still want him to take care of you; you want to do this with him. But, you also know that can't happen. So, regardless you feel more at ease; the desperation in you is not quite so hot, not making you jittery with need. 

Bradley rewards the way your body relaxes by licking stripe over you. You resist the urge to let go of the headboard and bury your hands in Bradley's thick hair. The way he sucks your clit into his mouth to roll his tongue over makes you arch, needing more. Bradley lays his arm across your hips, applying pressure to keep you still under him. 

The more you work to struggle against his arm, feeling your high edge closer and closer, a thought suddenly pops into your head. Is it still okay for Bradley to hold you down like this? Are you going to hurt your baby? It's an irrational thought, you know that, but your body instantly reacts to it. Of course, so early into your pregnancy, there is no reason this would be a problem, but you still drop your hips down onto the bed, no longer trying to move them against him. Your distraction pulled you far back from the edge. 

You try to focus on the feel of Bradley's tongue and how warm he feels with his shoulders caged between your thighs. But only a few breaths later, Bradley is lifting his head to look at you. 

He has a crease between his eyebrows, and his tongue that was just around you darts out to lick to own lips. "What just stopped you from coming?" he asks, concerned. His voice is thick and low. His hold over your waist disappears as he draws soothing circles on your hip. Bradley's concern draws you back to him and into the want you have for him. 

You let go of the headboard and stretch out your arms. Then, burying your hands in his hair, you tilt Brad's face to fully meet your eyes. 

"Make love to me, Bradley," you beg him. He stares at you for a very long minute, and you stare back at him, waiting. Finally, he pulls his eyes away from yours and stares at your center in front of him. 

"As you wish," he mutters the words. Rooster pulls himself off the bed and pulls his sweats off. You drag your eyes over his naked body, taking him all in. You lick your lips at the sight. 

"You are breathtaking, Brad," you tell him. That smile that melts your heart shows up on his face, and he glows under your praise.  

You crawl to the edge of the bed and trace your hands up his muscular thighs. You guide your hand upwards. You brush over his cock, not really giving it any attention, before outlining his side, watching his stomach and abs contract under your fingers. You go slowly, trying to memorize the feel of his skin under you. You kiss along his chest too. 

He leans down and captures your lips. You kiss Rooster back, glad that the fervor has left your body, but you are no less desperate for him. The desire to memorize him doesn't go. 

You urge him onto the bed, pushing him on his back. You straddle Bradley, settling over him, with his cock nestled in between your lower lips. You give a small rock, his head bumping into your clit. You moan a little and repeat the motion. 

Leaning forward, you rest your hands on his chest to give you more leverage. Rooster moves his hips with you increasing the friction. The pace is slow and almost teasing for both of you. 

Shifting your weight, you lean and kiss him again. Bradley's tongue slips into your mouth, running against yours. One of his hands comes up and rests on your hip, urging you, pulling you further down to rub against him harder. His other hand cups one of your breasts, his thumb running over your nipple in swirling strokes. 

You break his embrace just to reach your hand and guide him inside. Bradley lets out a heavy sigh as he slips into you. You resist the urge to slide all the way down his length, keeping it slow. 

"Fuck, you feel so good," he tells you, biting his lips. 

"Love how you fill me, Brad," you sigh once he is fully hilted. Both of you are breathing more elevated. When you start to move your hips again, Bradley closes his eyes and presses his head back into the bed. 

You immediately stop moving, glaring down at him. "No," you say, and his eyes open instantly, looking at you again. You reach up a hand to grip his chin affectionately, holding his face in place. "I need to see you." 

"You are so beautiful," he tells you. Bradley does as you want and doesn't break eye contact again. 

The room is filled with both of your moanings as you work together at a slow, steady pace. The way his hands run along your skin and back is almost reverent. The heat in you starts to build again. You grind down hard onto Bradley so that your clit gets more stimulation. 

Rooster's right hand comes around and settles on your lower stomach, applying pressure and letting his thumb dip down to brush your clit in light strokes. You gasp, a moan breaking from your throat. You freeze on top of Bradley's cock, enjoying the zing his thumb just sent up your spine. 

"That's right. So good." Bradley moans out, pressing his thumb harder into you. Even though he is filling you so deliciously, you don't feel close enough to him. You feel like you want to crawl into his skin. That would be the only thing that would satisfy your need for him. 

You grab his hand that isn't on your clit and thread your fingers together. His hand grips yours back. Bradley doesn't make any movement to shift either of your hips, content to play with your clit and stare into your eyes. 

"Fuck, I love you." Bradley groans out, biting his lower lip. You start to rock your hips into his again, but for the most part, keeping him fully hilted inside you. You almost feel like you are drowning in his eyes with how he looks up at you. His heavy-lidded gaze makes you clench around him.

Your moans and quiet pants mix with his. The tension in you grows as you swirl your hips into his. 

"Need this, need you." Bradley swirls his thumb a little harder and does break eye contact to nip your neck, sitting more up on the bed to get a better angle. Having more of your skin pressed together helps ease more of the ache in you. 

You grip his hair again, pulling him up, shifting, so you are chest to chest. Bradley's free hand clutches you close to him. You trace the scars on his cheek with your lips before kissing him again. 

"I love you," you sigh against his mouth. He groans and rocks his hips into yours, creating a bit more friction. Rooster understands just what you need, not pulling out of you. 

The two of you build a rhythm together; finally, you can't hold back anymore. The bubble in you bursts, and you clench hard around Bradey's cock. Bradley takes a few more gasping breaths and then cums in you with a low moan. Bradley starts to move like he is going to pull out of you, so you whine and hold him closer.  

"No, no. I need you closer," you tell him. You are still desperate to have him near. You press your nose into Rooster's neck, breathing in his natural musky scent. Trying to absorb the smell entirely, memorizing it before biting the skin and tasting it. 

"Woah. Woah," Bradley says breathily. You let out a low hum in response, trying to savor his sounds as well. You wiggle your hips against him again, where he is still half hard. You consciously clench around his dick, reminding yourself how full Bradley makes you. 

"Baby, stop," he says. Rooster's voice is wrecked, and his large hands hold your hips still. At first, you don't even hear his request until he repeats it more forcefully. Then he rolls you over onto your back and pulls out of you quickly. You gasp at the sudden loss of him. You have to lay there for a moment, trying to reorient yourself. Bradley is sitting on the edge of the bed, panting hard, his hands on his knees.

"Bradley?" You croak out, reaching a hand hesitantly towards him. He looks back at you, and his face is a mix of panicked and furious.

"What the fuck was that?" He asks you in a low growl.

"What was what?"

"Don't bullshit me."

"I have no idea what you are talking about," you tell him, drawing your eyebrows close together.

"That was was goodbye sex," he says slowly. Your mouth drops open, and you try to reach around your rattling brain to come up with an answer, an excuse. However, you find it completely empty. 

"That was the exact kind of sex we have before I leave and deploy. You had the same look." Bradley was almost shaking, and you had no idea what to say that wouldn't be a lie. 

"What's going on? Something has been wrong for weeks. I keep waiting for you to talk to me, and you fucking haven't." 

"I —" you start to say, but Bradley's eyes are so captivating, so genuine, you can't lie to him. So before you even know what you are saying, the words fall out of your mouth, "I'm leaving."

Rooster physically recoils at your words. The line of his back is taut, and his eyebrows draw together. His mouth presses into a tight line. His jaw flexing, and you can tell he is clenching his teeth. "What did I do wrong?"

"No, sweetie," you say quickly. "It's not you. It's me." You tell him gently. It was you, well, you and this baby, but Brad didn't need to know that. Your words only seemed to make him more upset. 

"Are you kidding me? You didn't just say that." He mutters it under his breath, pulling at his short curls in frustration and glaring at you. He is so tense the veins in his bicep and neck start to pop. 

"I'm sorry," you offer him quietly. 

"I don't want to hear sorry. I want to hear a reason. Were you going to tell me? Or just planning to disappear?"

"Of course, I was going to tell you."

"When?" 

"Soon."

"Why? "

"I can't..."

"No. I think I deserve to know why the love of my life is leaving me," Bradley says, frustrated. He stands up from bed, goes to his drawers, and pulls on some boxers to throw on. He also grabs one of his old Sigma Pi shirts out of his drawer and throws it for you to shrug on. 

You felt shame and frustration building in you. You didn't want to deal with this situation right now. You didn't want to have to tell Bradley why. Then to your absolute horror, and probably the hormones coursing through you, you burst into tears. 

Bradley's pacing halts for a moment at the sight of your tears, but then he resumes momentarily as he balls his fist tight. His knuckles turning a paler shade. 

"We want different things." You gasp out between the sobs racking your body. 

"We want different things," he repeats slowly, like he is trying to piece out some hidden meaning in the words.

"Yes," you hiccup nodding your head. 

"How could that be possible?" He questions you sharply. "If that were the case, we wouldn't have gotten married. And you didn't mention anything when we had our last relationship check-in."

Bradley was big on communication. He insisted y'all have seasonal relationship check-ins with each other to talk about anything that had happened and how you were feeling about your relationship. This conversation should have probably been reserved for the next one, but you couldn't wait a few more weeks before leaving, or Bradley would know.

You were going to start showing at some point; while all the articles you read were inconsistent about when that might happen, it would happen eventually. You knew it would probably be impossible to leave Rooster if he knew that you were pregnant. Every moment with him weakened your resolve to do the right thing. 

"Things change, people change." You weakly tell him. Not able to conceive a better excuse. 

"I don't understand why you are jumping into leaving me. Baby, why won't you talk to me?" Bradley suddenly dropped hard to his knees on the wood floor at the side of the bed. You winced at the sound it made. He pulls one of your hands into both of his. "Please talk to me," he begs you, holding your hand delicately in his. The puppy dog look Bradley has mastered coming out in full force. 

"I can't…"

"You can," he reassures you, swiping a thumb across your pulse point. You felt your stomach roll, the emotions in you going haywire. 

"I'm…" you trail off and then shake your head at him in denial of this situation. As soon as you tell Bradley, it will be over. 

"It's okay, baby. Anything. You can tell me anything. Talk to me. I won't be mad," he adds on for your benefit. Your plans all crumbled at that moment because how can you deny Bradley Bradshaw anything when he begs for it. 

"I'm pregnant," you finally whisper in a barely audible voice. With how Bradley reacted to your words, you might as well have screamed them. First, he flinches like a whole body flinch. Every muscle you can see tensing. He shutters and his grip on your hand tightens to where it is almost painful.  

Bradley freezes like that for a moment, blinking at you owlishly, before he drops his head down, hiding his face from your view. Finally, he presses his face down into the bed. 

You wait with bated breath. Rooster's grip on your hand didn't lessen in the slightest. You feel panic settle in the back of your throat when his shoulders start to tremble, and he still hasn't said anything.

"Bradley?" You flex your hand, resisting his tight grip, and he releases you. His hands fall limply on the bed. He still hasn't looked at you, though. 

Tears start to streak down your face faster, and a small sob hitches in your throat. "I am sorry," you tell him sincerely. 

"Are you really?" His low voice asks muffled. 

"Sorry, or pregnant?" You ask pulling up the collar of his shirt you are wearing to wipe away some of your tears. "Because it's both." 

His hands come to clasp themselves together, and you briefly wonder if he is praying. The shaking of his shoulders and the inability to see his face make it increasingly impossible to understand his reaction.

Finally, he looks at you, and those hazel eyes bleed back at you, tears still falling down his face staining his cheeks a bright red even through the healthy tan he has right now. Bradley's eyes trace over your face looking like he is searching for any trace of a lie. Then he examines your body under his shirt like he might already see a difference. 

As if there was a difference, he would be able to notice now that he didn't notice before when you were naked, and he was inside of you. You wrap your arms around your chest, hugging yourself under his scrutiny. 

"I'm going to keep it." You finally tell him now that Bradley's shining eyes are available for scrutiny again. His tongue darts out to wet his lips, and his face falls into a frown. "I'm sorry," you say again. 

You try to think of the right words to explain yourself to him. "When I found out, I realized I wanted this. I know we always said we didn't. But I really want this baby, Bradley. I am sorry I kept it from you. I just didn't know how to tell you. And then I saw these baby shoes in the store. They were so cute." Your fingers knot into the edge of the worn frat shirt you are wearing. His hazel eyes aren't giving you much to go off of. They are still darting around your face like he is trying to figure out what you are telling him. 

Brad abruptly stands up in the middle of your rambling. So, you halt your words. Watching him as he walks out of the room. You strain your ears, trying to listen to where he went. You hear the hallway door open and beeps coming from the safe. After hearing it click open and seal again, Bradley's feet can be heard on the hallway floor again. 

Your mind runs, trying to think of what he could have grabbed from the safe. Your important documents? You silently make a note that was something that you need to be sure to pack. You wouldn't want to come back to Bradley to get your passport or something after leaving. Could it be money? Was he going to give you money to leave with and give you some of the cash you two had been saving to move? 

The thoughts make breathing extra hard, and you start to suck air in and out rapidly. The panic floods your veins, making the walls of the room shrink inward towards you. Sharp tingles prick at your fingertips and toes. 

Before you can run through any other possible scenario, he gets back. 

You can't focus on Bradley enough to see him through the black that starts to edge in at the corner of your vision. You desperately try to pull a gasping breath in your chest. The action of breathing is suddenly too overwhelming. 

The panic of what you had just done finally cutting into you. That Bradley now knew the secrets you had been harboring so close to your chest. There is wringing in your ears, the shuddering wracking your body. You curl into yourself to try and shield yourself from the hurt and panic ringing through your body. 

Then, you are engulfed. There isn't enough weight on the outside of you to combat the storm of panic that was trying to burst out from the inside of your veins. Numbness fills your body, and you know you are close to passing out. The storm brewed inside you, desperate to escape your body, desperate to take you out at the same time. 

Heaving in breaths gets harder and more difficult. You dig your nails hard into the skin of your thighs, trying to scramble for anything to steady yourself. Fighting each desperate moment when there is s shift.

At first, you don't know what has changed. However, your breaths get a gasp longer, allowing slightly more oxygen, and the black in your vision starts to recede. You slam your eyes shut at the nausea you feel. The more air you can finally take in, the more you are allowed to start making sense of anything besides your own haywire body. 

You are wrapped in your weighted blanket, and the extra pressure is aided by Bradley. He is holding you tight within his arms and legs, and he has you pulled close to his chest.

His legs are wrapped around your hips and crossed in front of you. Giving the front of your body room. Your legs are trapped between you two. One of his arms is crossed over your chest, and the other is petting your head soothingly, playing with your hair occasionally. 

Bradley is humming to you. You try and focus on the tune. It's like a lifeline; you cling to the sound, letting it help your thoughts trail away from your panic. You keep trying to breathe bigger, longer breaths consciously now. 

It's a tune you have heard before. Finally, Bradley breaks from the humming, whispering one of the lyrics into your ear, and you can immediately place the song. 

"Love of my life," he mutters lowly into your ear, and then he returns to his humming. You are flashed back to a different time he sang this song to you. 

He had been perched on the bench of a piano. Fingers gliding over the keys in time, his sweet voice dipping between octaves. It was Love Of My Life, by Queen. It is the song Bradley sings to you before every single deployment. 

The song feels like a confirmation that you two will not be making it. A confirmation he is letting you go. This is the song that always fills the space between you when parting ways. The small semblance of recovery you had made is gone. Your breaths start to quicken again as you are dragged back into the panic. 

Bradley's arms flex hard, and there is slightly more pressure around you. The beads of the weighted blanket shifting under his hands. He continues humming the song, but this time he peppers in a few more of the lyrics. 

"Love of my life, don't leave me," he croons softly into your ear. 

You don't know how long Bradley holds you waiting for you to calm down. You don't ever feel at ease, but the slow breaths and Bradley's soothing voice help bring you down from the high and worst of the panic attack.  

You manage to let out a little whimper, and Bradley's arms start to loosen around you in slow intervals. You turn your face to the side, slotting your eyes up to catch a glimpse of him. Bradley has his eyes closed, and his face is splotchy and red from crying still. You fill in some of the lyrics to his humming in a cracked, barely there voice. Those beautiful eyes flash open, hearing your voice join his humming. 

He won't stop humming, though. Rooster's hazel eyes are so intense, a medusas snare, that even as hard as you try to close your eyes, you aren't successful. They have captivated you entirely. Bradley finishes humming the song and lets his arms slip from around you. His legs uncross, and they fall flat on the bed on either side of you. 

You push the weighted blanket off your top, so it is pilled around your legs as you ease out of your curled position. 

"BradBrad," you whisper for him. You are still trembling at the very tips of your fingers. The buzz and tingles at the front of your nose are still persistent, but feeling has returned to the rest of your body. The needles fade out of your hands and legs. 

"Love of my life," he hums sweetly again. His eyes have a tiny bit of worry, but for the most part, they are full of love and adoration for you. His body is borderline hot to the touch and feverish behind you. His heart is thumping loudly under your ear. 

Brad's now loose hands find new purchase, gliding over your hips, tracing slow, steady circles. Then his left hand starts creeping forward further. Bradley's large hand is suddenly under his shirt and splaying out flat against your lower belly. That is where it finds its perch. 

You gasp at the feeling of his hand, at the placement of it. Brad's fingers make the tiniest indents pressing into your skin. Your breath hitches at his squeeze. The metal of his wedding ring is warm against your skin, a nice contrast to the rest of his hand. 

Hearing the way your breath hitches, Bradley immediately lays his hand fully flat. Bradley now retreating to a feather-light touch. His fingers swirl in an unknown pattern on your skin. His hands like to trace the shapes of flight paths he has memorized. 

It was something Bradley had confessed to you one night during pillow talk. The two of you sprawled together. You were laying half on his chest. His fingertips were tracing the length of your spine, in feather-light trials, moving from the base of your spine to the small of your back, then following the path again. His fingers would sometimes brush into your hair and give small scratches before tracing your flesh again. 

"How do you do that?" You finally had asked him.

"Do what?" He responded, but something about the glint in his eye told you he knew exactly what you were referring to. Rooster just wanted you to admit it out loud. 

"You are so consistent, but you keep me on my toes." Bradley's hand stills where it had been gliding on your back. Then he started to trace once more, but this time his fingers making small movements and taking on a new drag like pattern dancing across your back. 

"Is that right?" He asked you, but there was a full-blown boyish smirk donning his face. 

You nodded your head, licking your lips. The tingles that his hands were sending through your body started to warm you up even after just having finished with him. "Yes, it rocks my world. So, why don't you let me on the secret?"

"I'm just that good, baby," he told you cheekily. 

"Bradley Bradshaw." You warned lowly.  

"It's flight paths." 

"What?"

"I use the flight paths I have memorized," his fingers danced in a looping motion doubling back and then tracing forward again.

"They make it easy to loop, but it's long enough that there is different pacing, or I use the piano," He told you, letting his fingers tap and shift along your back as if it was a set of ivories suddenly. It had made you giggle. 

"That might have been one of the sexiest things you have ever told me, Bradley." You had told him before you kissed him silly. And letting him showcase those skills with his tongue for the second time that night. 

Now, Brad's hand that is lying against your stomach also starts to follow a pattern. You open your mouth, but Bradley quickly cuts you off. 

"Please, don't say sorry."

"But I am."

"That was a bad attack."

It was true that you hadn't had one that severe in a while. "I'm—"

"Do not say sorry," he repeats. You sigh heavily and move to stop leaning against Bradley. However, he doesn't let you. The hand on your hip and lower abdomen fighting you and drawing you flush against him. He settles you, so you are comfortably leaning against his chest again.

"I am sorry," Brad finally says, almost a whisper in your ear. 

"You are sorry?"

"Yes."

"Why?" You question him. Not sure you understand what he is apologizing for.

"Why are you going to leave me?" Brad asks instead of answering your question. 

You sigh and close your eyes. You lean your head back, so it's settled on Bradley's shoulder. Then take a deep calming breath before responding. "I know you don't want kids. You have always been very honest about that, and it's not your fault I'm pregnant. 

"Well, I don't think you went and got pregnant by yourself. It's kind of a process that takes two contributing parties. Unless you are going to tell me that it's someone else's." Bradley says the words so incredulously that you know he has no doubt the baby is his. 

"I know you don't want this, but I realized I do."

"What if I do want this?"

"I'm not going to let you do this just because you feel obligated, Bradley," you tell him tiredly.

"No. I want this."

"How could that be?" You ask. 

You feel him shift behind you, and you open your eyes to see what he is doing. Bradley is reaching to the bedside table where you see a huge binder sitting. 

It is a binder that you know well. Bradley is a meticulous and organized person. He likes to refer to this binder as your Life Plan Binder. It was full of timelines, dates, references, and lists. Everything Bradley feels is necessary for y'all's life. 

You realize that this one is different from the one that lives on his desk. It is slimmer, and the front doesn't have a picture of the two of you slotted in the cover that the other did. 

"The LPB?" You ask him, confused.  

His left hand makes itself at home again on your lower abdomen, while his right hand puts the binder on your lap. Finally, you read the cover where it says alternative plans in bold lettering. 

"I'm sorry I left earlier, but I needed to get this." He mutters into your ear. Brad's tone is deeply apologetic. He flips the binder open, and there are labeled tabs. You fully realize this is a binder you have never seen before. You scan the tabs and freeze up in Bradley's hold when you see the one he is thumbing to.

It is towards the back, behind the different tabs, including restations, health, new cars, vacations, and retirement, is a tab that has a simple label. It's blue and just says, baby. Bradley flips to the tab, and you see the cover page of the section with the table of contents. In bold at the top of the page, you read Baby Bradshaw. 

A sob that ends up coming out as a broken laugh ripping from your chest. The section contents was filled out with thoroughly thought out plans on you having children, from a section with important timelines, appointments to schedule, college savings plans, and a section with boys' and girls' names that he likes. 

You bring one of your hands up to stifle the sobs that are bubbling in your chest. You hold your hand close over your mouth to try to hold back the sound. His fingers traced over the page and the table of contents for the section. 

"What is this?" You finally ask him. 

"It's my alternate life plan binder. For you know, if other things come up."

"Why do you have a Baby Bradshaw section?" You hesitantly ask. His hand is still warm against your stomach, and he flexes his fingers. 

"Well, a while ago, I started thinking about kids," he trails off, and you start looking through the table of contents again. You see that the most robust and largest section is actually related to adoption. You feel your heart melt in your chest. A new bright feeling of hope blossoms looking at the care, time, and thought he has put into this. As he continues, "and well… You know how I am. I wanted to be prepared for that possibility."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I've been ruminating, and I don't know. Maybe I would have mentioned it at our next check-in. But I knew you don't…" Bradley doesn't finish his sentence, and you lose your mind a little bit.

You pull the large binger up into your hands and shift. You struggle and move until you turn in his grip. Your legs wrapped around Brad's waist. You want to see his face, which is easier in this position. The hand that had been placed on your stomach curls around your back and waist, steadying you against him. 

"You changed your mind?" You ask him. You let your hands trace over his chest, settling on cupping his face. Then, staring into his eyes, you look for any trace of anger or deceit. 

"You seem to also have changed your mind, baby," he takes the binder from where it was awkwardly pressed in between you two. It allows you to settle closer to him. Bradley sets the binder to the side, momentarily breaking eye contact to make sure none of the pages are creased. Your chests were almost flush together. You wrap your arms around his neck, and then he is the one to hold your face. His eyes reconnect with yours, and you once again feel like you are caught in them. 

The intensity and openness in his gaze make your lips move faster than your brain to lay out the whole truth for him. "I don't think that I ever wanted to not have kids. I had just accepted it because I knew that I couldn't." You explain, not breaking eye contact. Bradley's thumb traces a slow circle against your cheek. 

"I would never let you do this by yourself."

"I can't just throw a wrench like this in your life, Brad." 

He immediately starts shaking his head in protest. "It's our life. I'm not going to lie to you and say that you didn't hurt my feelings. If you left me," Bradly heaves a heavy shaky breath. You briefly wonder if he is going to cry again. Then he continues to explain, "I would be broken… shattered. I feel even worse that you didn't want to talk to me or tell me."

You can tell how deeply you hurt him. Even though you knew what you were going to do was wrong, now that you and Bradley are talking about it. You know you need to try and explain your rationale no matter how messed up it was. 

"At first, I wasn't sure how I felt. I wanted to talk to you, but I couldn't do that before I knew how I felt. But then I kept thinking about all the times we talked about you not wanting kids. How you had so many good, valid reasons for feeling that way. I know you, Bradley. I knew that you would do the right thing as soon as I told you. But you don't need obligation ruling anymore of your life that it already does."  

"So what if I was obligated? I agreed to be obligated to you for the rest of our lives when we got married. I want to be bound to you. I want to shoulder your burdens, just like you shoulder mine," Bradley says.

"A child is a lifelong burden for you to shoulder," you say. You need to know, need to be fully sure Brad understands. 

"Do you think so low of me? Do you think I wouldn't love something that was a mix of you and me?"

"There are plenty of people in the world who don't love their children." You tell him, swallowing hard. 

He lets out a long sigh, his breath fanning a bit over your face. "I want this baby. I want this baby with you. I want to be at every doctor's appointment. I want to know everything I've missed. I want family vacations where I can buy a Hawaiian shirt in three different sizes for all of us. I want little league games. I want a baby to sing to sleep. I want someone to put on top of the piano and sing to like my dad did. I want us to paint a nursery. I want Disney trips. I want to fight about curfew. I want to make breakfast on Saturdays and spend Sundays in the shop with football, restoring a beat-up first car. I want to make dad jokes. Fuck, I need to buy a pair of new balances."

Warmth fills you at his words. You let out a small laugh picturing Bradley as a stereotypical dad. How he wants all of that with you. That you won't do this alone like you have mentally been preparing yourself for since finding out. You run your fingers up and down his neck trailing it down his shoulder as far as you can reach before tracing back to his neck. A content sigh falls from his lips, and his eyes close, enjoying your gentle caresses.

"What are some of the names?" You break the silence after his confessions.  

"I like Westley," he says with a small boyish smile. You bite back a grin at the name, playfully rolling your eyes. 

"Oh, and is Buttercup on your list for girl names?" You ask him teasingly. 

"Maybe," he says. You lean forward and peck his lips. 

"You're not going to leave me," Bradley whispers with conviction. You know he is still coming down from the emotional roller coaster you just went through together. You also know Brad is going to need time to fully process this conversation and the change about to happen in your lives. However, you also know, without a doubt, that Bradley will be holding your hand at your next doctor's appointment. 

"No, I'm not." You confirm and brush your lips over his softly. 

"Stay with me forever," Bradley begs you in a voice a little too small for you to handle. 

You hold the hazel gaze for a very, very long moment. You let him examine you, see the truth, and honestly bleeding in your gaze before you respond. What you want to say at first is: I love you. However, those words weren't quite right; they didn't seem to fully capture your intention and the emotion in your chest you felt for this man. So instead, you settle on the words you think will most closely allow him to understand. You brush your lips against him again, whispering your answer into them. 

 "As you wish, Bradley."

#bradley bradshaw x reader #rooster x reader #rooster x you #rooster smut #bradley bradshaw x y/n #hot 🥵 #Coleys writing #bradley bradshaw fanfiction

[ccuniculusmolestus]

Bunny Corcoran; Neglect, Disorder and Becoming Mother

WARNING: VERY LONG POST!!

Based purely on headcanons, might be refined after a re-read (which I keep putting off bcs i want to savor the book slowly but i never get the time)

DISCLAIMER READ IF U GET PISSED OFF ABT STUFF: Okay, I headcanon that Bunny suffered from borderline personality disorder. And please I dont want anyone triggered over me self-diagnosing Bunny this is my HEADCANON and i am not romanticizing it. That being said, I am NOT a psychologist neither do I claim 2 be, these headcanons are built purely on my studies and own experiences. This is not to make light of a disorder that I know well is quite debilitating. I also understand it's different for everyone and I don't claim to be The Only Source of BPD symtoms. I think I had to say this cuz i didn't want pitchforks and all that coming 4 me for a personality analysis 😒 ANYWAY.

Here, I divided this into parts too otherwise it's a long ass yapping post:

I. Katherine Corcoran and BPD

II. A Quiet House

III. MacDonald Corcoran

IV. Father Henry

I. Katherine Corcoran and BPD

First, let's discuss Katherine, her diagnosis (which is a hc) and her parenting 'method'. I believe that Katherine Corcoran suffered from a personality disorder (BPD) (which I believe was passed down either genetically or environmentally to Bunny.) Both she and Macdonald knew there was something wrong with her, but i mean BPD was added to the DSM 5 in the 1980s (when TSH was set) so I believe when she was still younger, getting therapy or going to therapy was heavily stigmatized and also only the extremely mentally ill were treated? Perhaps it was also a social image thing, or a personal pride thing, but sis did not get help for it until much later.

This could just be "In my time, people didn't seek help," but the wording makes me believe she was about to tell an instance or experience of her own, "When I was a girl and struggling with this, I couldn't seek help" so on. She also seems to be in favor of seeking help, even if it is drug related. Makes you think she's probably had to depend on rehabilitation centers or perhaps therapeutic centers herself.

I also feel like, during the events of the book, that maybe she was on mood stabilizers just because she's so cucumber-cool and chill at the worst times. (Described as "calm as a bride" at her own son's funeral whereas her husband can't stop oscillating between bawling and playing with his grandkids.)

Let's talk about her parenting in light of BPD mothers.

According to this study, mothers with BPD might:

not respect their kids' boundaries -> leads to the child developing similar traits. Bunny did not respect boundaries either.

Neglect and emotional under-involvement by mothers with BPD can contribute to the development of BPD in their children. Environmental instability, like frequent changes in housing and schooling, further adds to the challenges. Bunny is quite literally under-developed emotionally AND also he did go thru some environmental instability and extreme neglect growing up. Case in point.

Mothers with BPD may swing between being overly involved and overly distant. This can show up as fluctuating between being controlling and being cold (A trait also expressed by Bunny later on towards his friends). For instance, they might respond to their adolescent's emotions with both neglectful and punishing reactions This inconsistency may confuse the child, making them doubt or deny their own emotions. (Bunny is in denial about a lot of things. That's his way of dealing with his emotions. After the explosive fight with Henry, for example, in Rome. After the fight he tries to pretend everything is normal.)

Apparently children of mothers with BPD tend to also develop disruptive behaviors and other external problems like ADHD. I do think Bunny suffered from ADHD, there's multiple examples of it throughout the book.

Mothers with BPD tend to communicate insensitively, using critical, intrusive, and frightening comments and behaviors. They may also struggle with role confusion, where the child takes on a more adult-like role. We have no proof of this as we never see Bunny interact with his mother. However, the intrusive thing makes me think about something. After Bunny's death, when rumors begin circulating that he was a possible drug user, Katherine reacts vehemently and takes jabs at the press for causing unnecessary emotional damage to an already 'grieving' mother. Then, she orders an autopsy, which is incredibly invasive, not to clear Bunnys name or anything, but to clear her own name.

now I know that running the test would also help clear Bunny's name but you know one of the biggest reasons of denying an autopsy of a loved one is fear of their disfigurement. That's why some families actually tend to not go for autopsies if a coroner or the law doesn't require it. And I know this would've helped Bunny's case in clearing his name but her reasoning behind allowing the disfigurement of her own son post-mortem is just....its so sickening. I felt so sad? 😭 especially in the 1970s, around that time, autopsies were very invasive and didnt deal with people as respectfully as they do today. :(

Additionally, BPD can make SOME mothers incapable of bonding with their own children. They have difficulties with bonding an attachment, thus leading to neglect and a disinterest in their kids' lives. They might also lack empathy as an general thing when dealing with BPD but dont take these statements as like a 100% BPD analysis by a true and learned scholar of BPD YOU NEED TO THINK CRITICALLY. NOt everyone with BPD is like this. They CAN be like this. And I think Katherine was indeed such a mother, because we can see from Bunny's upbringing, and then Bunny's death what kind of a woman she was basically. Bunny's death did not really bother her, only the shame he brought on the family name did. She wasn't emotionally bonded to him, neither does she appear emotionally bonded to her own grandkids, like her husband is. You can even say she probably lacked empathy for her kids.

Now, BPD isn't largely genetic like Bipolar but it has genetic predisposition.

That genetic predisposition paired with environmental influences like neglect can lead to the development of BPD, which is I believe what happened with Bunny. I mean, we can also argue that Bunny's dad was so emotionally volatile. He jumped from one mood to the other, and I'm not being cringey and self-diagnosing (?) book characters but he probably had a mood disorder (Bipolar disorder perhaps) which is largely genetic. So that means Bunny possibly had two parents with personality disorders.

But I do believe Bunny is more similar to his mother than Richard realized or noted in the books, I think. The way he was beginning to get into drugs, too idk. I feel like Macdonald's influence on the boys' behaviors is very prominent, but to see Kathy's influence, you'd have to see their sons up-close. We really only saw Bunny up-close, and that too only from Richard's (very biased imo) opinion

Idk why this made me think of how Bunny was so smiley, but so hateful. He seems amiable at first, and then he seems like a bitch. Same with Katherine. The news was first reporting her as this classy, perfect woman, and then the press turned against her after the interview at the restaurant, after which psychologists began saying the family was dysfunctional and that parents' habits were picked up by their kids (again, this might be an allusion to Katherine's drug addiction mirrored with Bunny's developing drug dependency/usage/interest)

Anyway, building on that, I just wanna say I think Kathy and Macdonald's parenting style was very inconsistent, and most of the times just downright neglectful. This much is clear; the Corcoran household struggled with emotional volatility. Environments like these can seriously alter the brain chemistry of children who grow up in them, and they act as triggers for activating the genetic influences (so basically gene expression can be turned off or on by certain environments)that are present within someone.

So growing up Bunny often felt like his mom loved him, then she didn't, then she did, so on. This could be because of the medications she was on and also her personality disorder. It's mentioned in the books how Bunny was miraculously the best out of all the Corcoran family members (Charles says this) and I think maybe Bunny was more in touch with his emotions than MOST of them; his parents, his siblings, AND his friends.

________________________

II. A Quiet House

I know the popular notion is that the youngest child is the most spoilt but tbh sometimes they can be the loneliest.

The eldest two brothers (Hugh and Ted) have kids that are like, I think almost 10 years old, so I think there's a considerable age gap between (Bunny, Patrick, Brady) & (Hugh and Teddy). Because, like, Bun and Brady are still in school, and Patrick is doing some business start-up thing I think??Anyway, the point I was going to make is that the Corcoran boys were shipped off to boarding schools when they were pretty young, and boarding schools typically start accepting at around age 11 I think. But I think prep boarding schools also exist and your kid can be as young as 7 before you ship them off to stay at the school.

A thing to note, prep boarding schools are VERY expensive and thus exclusive, so if the Corcorans are sending their kids to boarding schools purely for the image of being rich (which we all know that image was the most important thing for them), they might have done that tbh. Which brings me to this point, the age gap isnt too big between Bunny & (Brady+Patrick) but they'd still get to go to boarding school before Bunny, meaning Bunny was younger than 7 years old, and most probably isolated because all his brothers were not at home anymore and he was left to just his neglectful mother (considering his father would be at work) .

Bunny's isolation was probably more pronounced than his brothers, because older siblings being grouped together ended up with him being alone in the developmental years of his life. That could be why he is more dysfunctional than his brothers, but he also might not be more dysfunctional, because we have no idea what his brothers are like in their personal relationships.

________________________

III. Macdonald Corcoran

Donald is an obviously affectionate parent, as we can see, but I have this headcanon which basically ties into all this. I feel like Donald was mostly preoccupied with taking care of his ill wife. I do think he genuinely loved her, idk why, he just seems like the kind of guy. And again, this is not a generalization of BPD women as partners, but it is an analysis of Kathy's overall personality and interactions with Donald in light of the possibility that she had BPD. So this is not a generalization. But Kathy would be the kind of high-maintenance person that Bunny was turning into.

High-maintenance BPD partners are likely to require constant understanding and validation to endure and relieve suffering, which I think Katherine would need a lot in their earlier years or when their kids were young (she starts taking mood stabilizers later, when the stigma reduces mayhaps? So before that they were probably a very volatile dynamic.) Also this is purely my headcanon but like, I think Donald is the sort who would try and avoid conflict with Katherine or at the very least, bend to her whims.

This interaction kind of shows us how she's dismissive towards his attempts at remaining neutral or even positive about a harmless action performed by people they knew. 'It's a common cognitive distortion in BPD, where individuals may swing between idealization and devaluation, perceiving situations or people as either entirely good or completely bad.' BPD is also marked by negative thinking patterns, and often times their partners/friends have to either validate their concerns or try and challenge them. We can see here that Donald is on friendlier terms with the Bartles, he calls them by their first name, but she calls them by their title. Still, she doesn't care that her husband seems to like them and disparages their 'gift'.

Anyway, their dynamic is a whole thing, I believe, and I think Donald might have actually made for a decent father had he not been torn between choosing his wife and his kids. Can't blame him or be mad at him for choosing his wife, either, maybe he had already almost lost her and became afraid of that possibility re-occurring.

So like, even when he'd come home, he'd spend time with his wife who, yes, she needed him, but he obviously neglected his kids in that aspect.

________________________

IV. Father Henry

You know how Bunny is always begging Henry for attention? He specifically needs Henry's attention, because Henry is the man in his life who he has given the 'Father' role to.

The providing role- Henry fulfills Bunny's need for a stable father, his stoicism keeps Bunny's volatile self grounded. Understand this-- Why does Bunny gravitate to Henry more?

Because of his riches? Partly.

Francis was also rich, and he was probably a bigger pushover than Henry, but Bunny still preferred Henry over Francis. It was not all about the money. Bunny needed the father he yearned for since childhood. In his mind, he'd built Henry up into this figure he could depend on no matter what. That scene with Richard in the restaurant-- Bunny's in trouble, first thing he does is call Henry, like a kid who expects their parent to always get them out of trouble. Richard even describes Bunny's behavior around Henry that of a 'bad child'.

That's why Bunny expects Henry to give him the world. That's why he respects him even after everything starts going to shit, even when he won't respect anyone else, because he never grew up, and, despite being 24 years of age he was still desperately seeking the love he knew he could have almost had. Sure, his mother perhaps would never have loved him, but his father could have loved him more, been more attentive. I don't think Donald was restrictive with his affection at all, but I do think he was not nearly as attentive as Bunny needed him to be.

You could argue he has daddy issues, so he seeks a deep relationship with a man who cannot give him what he needs. What's worse is I know Henry was trying desperately to not be his own father (Mr. Winter). He viewed parenthood as something negative, but he was pushed into that role unintentionally by Bunny. I don't think either of them realized what was going on.

Which is funny because Henry's weird co-dependent daddy-issue relationship with Bunny was what kind of lead to not only his own decline and death, but the decline of their friendship, the death of Bunny, and the decline of the Greek class. 💀

Also something to add, I can also say that I think Henry's relationship with Bunny actually began shaping Henry more into the mold of his father, Mr. Winter.

From what we can tell or assume, Henry's father was:

cold, distant (Henry's mother is depressed, meek, subservient. Henry himself has no interaction with his father. His father does not attend his funeral)

abusive (probably lead to Henry's injuries either directly or indirectly). he could have been either emotionally or physically abusive.

exercises influence through money (can be inferred although it cannot be said with 100% certainty. He's a distant business tycoon who is involved in some shady stuff, there's a level of corruption there and usually these kinds of themes are at play in such situations. But I can acknowledge this is a bit of a reach).

Henry is not cold or distant by default, I believe. I mean yeah he's kind of closed-off, but he wouldn't necessarily ignore or avoid someone just because. He becomes avoidant and cold, and distant specifically to Bunny after the turmoil with Bunny pushes him to that point.

He can't really be called abusive but he did hit Bunny (even if it was an impulse and he didn't mean it) and then throw (?) a chair at him later (definitely meant that). Also the cold and distant comes into play here because he let Bunny cry himself to sleep and did not bother apologizing even once, or even checking in on him. I know this is not his fault- he was traumatized, he didn't want to fight Bunny anymore- but there's also a level of "I'm done with this and I dont care about it anymore". Henry is shown to have a "idc" personality from the start which I think becomes exacerbated towards Bunny due to Bunny's behavior. But also, even after their fight in Rome, even when they were interacting normally, Henry did not apologize to Bunny for the crap he wrote in his journal about him. Instead, he just "tolerated" Bunny a bit more for like 2 days before abandoning him in Rome

I mean Henry didn't really leverage his financial position and privilege over Bunny

So it's a very fucked up dynamic, can you see it? They had very different relationships with their fathers, and very different expectations and views of one another. Henry never asked to be put into the shoes of Bunny's father, and Bunny never meant to push Henry into becoming Mr. Winter, but alas.

#also what if henry killed himself because he realized he was becoming his father by the way....idk just a thought #i fucking rambled again #this post has been in the works for so long but i just sat down to write it and like #i should be stuydung #help #the secret history #bunny corcoran #tsh #henry winter #tsh donna tartt #winterbunny #macdonald corcoran #katherine corcoran

[mondstaub1]

Modern/ABO Lucemond fanfiction

- When Viserys died he left everything to his daughter, brother and grandkids (Rhaenyras kids of corse) several houses and mansions around the world, his company, his money, stocks .... all in all several millions $

- So Alicent and her kids were left with nothing and in a terrible finacel situation since:

- Aegon (beta) was a highschool dropout with a alcohol and gambeling problem

- Alicent (omega) never worked before (she was a gold digger, or used as one, that is up for discussion)

- Daeron was in middle school (alpha)

- Helaena (beta) had graduated from highschool but had problems with autism (everyone else had problems she is just so sweet, not her fault her family can't see that) so she was working part time with kids

- Aemond (omega) was about to finsh highschool and since he could not bare to leave his family could not go to collage

- Otto is dead (we are all so sad) (Daemon problably threw a party)

- So they moved into a small aparment and tried to find work with was difficult for several reasons, mostly their lack of experience, Aegons drinking problem and the fact that most people were freaked out by Aemonds eyepatch

- All of them got paid the bare minimum wgrn the had jobs and whenever they had a bite saved up Aegon would spend it on himself

- So in his desperation Aemond used his status as an Omega and got a job as a dancer at a stripp club (Alicent nearly fainted)

- He danced behind a one way mirror so he never saw who he danced for and who it was his was undressing himself for (no touching ever)

- Aemond also took hormons to make his chest and ass grow (he hated the way it made him feel and look but he needed the money)

- Meanwhile Rhaenyra, Daemond and their family ran the buisness and slowly everyone grew up - Jace (beta) studied business to one day take over the company

- Luke after turning out to be an alpha to everyones suprise went to Driftmark to study merean biology and he learnt how to sail from his grandfather

- Joffrey beta got into highschool and played sports (he already had offers from collages for a full scolorship -

- Aegon and Viserys got into a privat school which they enjoyed and Visenya enjoyed her life as Rhaenyras youngest and daddys little girls with lots of sibling so spoil her (not presented)

- Baela (alpha) became an aphlate and Rhaena (omega) studied language and traveled

- After Luke graduated and passed his sailer purment Jace and some of Lukes friend dragged him to a stripped club (guess with one)

- They insisted Luke should have some fun and hired a stripper for a privat dance, they heard of a stripper nicknamed ,,The pirat" and thought it would be perfect to celebrat Luke offically becoming a sailer.

- Luke blushed but let himself be talked into it and the moment he saw the half naked omega through the one way mirror he felt his jaw drop, because in front of him dancinging in the most suductive poses was his oncle whom he had not seen since he was 14

- Aemond had chanced, he used to be so scary and intimidating and now he was dancing around a pole in a string tanger and a BH that seemed so small, well that did not matter when he took it of.

- Luke knew he sould look away but he couldn't and he didn't want to.

- The last time they talked Aemond told him he was a dirty bastard and his mother a whore, so this felt like sweet karma and honestly Aemond was hot

- So Luke sat there hard and with a shit eating grin, watching his uncle dance

- Once it was over Luke claped an said "Wow uncle, it's so nice to see you again. Even if I honestly didn't expect to see so much"

- Aemond went first pale and then red before he grabbed his underwear and ran away mortified

- Luke couldn't help but chuckel before going back to his brother and friends, but he decided not to tell anyone about Aemond.

- Aemonds heart nearly stopped when he heard the voice of his nephew, it had been years since the had seen each other but somehow he know instandly that it was Lucerys. Blood shot into his face once he became aware of the state he was in and so he flet, like the coward he once acussed Luke of being.

- His face burned, his intire body burned with shame, how was Luke even hear? This had to be a nightmare. But it wasn't and he knew it.

- At the end of the shift one of his coworkers aproched him and handed him money, saying it was a tip from one of his clients. Aemond knew immediatly from whom it was.

-He wanted to throw it away but he was not in a situation in with he could turn down money, so he took the 200$, feeling dirtier then ever before.

- The next day at breakfeast his mother anounced that they would meet with Rhaenrya at their old home, to celebrate Lukes graduation.

-Aemond wanted to die, he didn't want to face Lucerys, he didn't know it he could but it seems like he had no choice.

- On the other end of town Luke was grinning after this mother told him his aunte and uncle would attend the party thown in his honor. He could no wait to see Aemond again.

#aemond x lucerys #hotd #lucemond #mortification #pole dancer Aemond #sailer Lucerys #modern au #a/b/o fanfic #rich Lucerys

[jmakumatized]

WHEW it's late here already but after watching this episode I just had to find somewhere to pour out my feelings and what better way than the cold black void also known as my Tumblr blog? 😭👊 P.S. sorry in advance if this is a mess

⚠️ Jubilation Episode Spoilers Ahead⚠️

Same Old Creepy Lunatic

Okay, let's start with Mr. Cotton buds here. We all know that this man is actually insane but, oh man, seeing who seems to be Emily as his Siri rip-off got me off-guard. We saw in "Multiplication" that he had to do a full body scan of Adrien in what I assume is a facility owned by the Tsurugis to make his 3D model. I doubt he would have requested Amelie to do this for a number of reasons. So, did he just secretly drag Emily's unconscious body to the facility to get her scanned just so she can be his personal virtual assistant? 💀

Also, we've seen Hawky change costumes many times but I honestly like his old classic costume way better than any other else ESPECIALLY this Monarch one. The new one just looks so much more hilarious 😭😂 like PLEASE why did he randomly decide to have his ears out? And I see that his fake grandkids got their grandpapi's piercing blue eyes.

Kwami and Technology

Ya'll, they literally reminded us in this episode that Kwamis aren't supposed to be detected by tech but then we now see that they're largely being controlled by... guess what? Technology! Like, Hawky is literally transferring their powers to the akumatized's ring as if he were just sending an email. But ya know what? this is Miraculous we're talking about. The logic in this show is non-existent so let's just not think too deeply about this and move on *cough cough*

The Dream

Oh my god. This... this part was a rollercoaster of emotions

Firstly, this shot kinda caught me off-guard again because... Chat Noir in all white... *sobs* at least it didn't give Ladybug any traumatic flashbacks I guess 😭🏃‍♀️💨

Secondly, I love how they get more creepy babies with each next shot 😂 I guess they'll have more than just Louis, Emma, and Hugo.

"Neither do I, my sweet kitten. So Join me!"

yeah, you heard that? That was my heart shattering into a million pieces. The moment when the umbrella theme music started playing, I knew that this scene would destroy me. the fact that Chat Noir tried to break the clock makes my heart hurt so much. He wanted to stay in this dream so bad that he'd risk everything else. The fact that he also had to stay behind a little longer to grieve everything that he just lost is- is- AGHHHHH 😭 this poor boy just let him be truly happy FOR ONCE! And the way they kissed each other with tears streaming down both their cheeks 🥺😫 Ladybug's line was also seriously so romantic: "But I don't want to lose all of this!" "Neither do I, my sweet kitten. So Join me!" She's saying that she still wants to have this life with him but to truly have this future, they have to wake up 🥺😭 SO IT KILLS ME HOW IN DENIAL SHE STILL WAS DURING THE END SCENE!!! At least we see that Chat was slightly smiling during their conversation about it, which could mean that he knows it wasn't really manipulated and what they both saw are truly what they both desired. *deep inhale of copium*

If you made it this far, thanks again for reading my rambles. *hands you a cookie 🍪* till next time!

#ml spoilers #miraculous spoilers #jubilation #mlb #ml #miraculous #miraculous ladybug #chat noir #ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #gabriel agreste #monarch #ml s5 #mp #rambles

[summers-pratt]

can we get spike being victorian headcannons or cannons? and giles being like "wow victorian much?" or whatever

Um yes you can oh my goodness Spike being a Victorian is one of my favorite things

-so Victorian Courting went about like this: first two people just started talking, conversating and such, then they would go on Walks, usually with a chaperone, then they would attend social functions together, they would spend time at each other's homes with their families, then they would become engaged. Spike ticks all these boxes with Buffy, specifically in season 5: they talk, a lot- it might just be her busting into his crypt for information, or him popping up to make a comment during patrol, but it counts to him. They go on walks- they patrol together (well, he shows up when she's on patrol and then he walks next to her while annoying her but again, he counts that), they look for Dawn together. They go to social events together, mostly at the bronze- I'm thinking the Fool For Love date interrogation during which they play pool, I'm thinking him dressing in drag in Crush, they both are at that spring break party in I Was Made to Love You (again, he thinks them just both being there counts, regardless of whether or not he showed up specifically to seek her out). He spends time with her family (Lover's Walk, Crush, in Checkpoint she leaves them with him to protect). So like, in his own vampirey way, he is courting her like the lovelorn Victorian he is.

-apparently the concept of love at first sight originated in the Victorian Era and while I don't think it was love at first sight (side note my phone autocorrected sight to fight lmao that might be more accurate tbh) I do think the notion is something William would've yearned for and dreamed about and wrote about

-also something that gained popularity in England in this era was "companionate marriage" which is pretty much marrying for love, rather than strategically for social and economic reasons. I feel like this is touched on in flashbacks but that's absolutely what William wanted, he wanted love, and a partnership, a companionship, in that love

-we know he stands up for her in The I in Team so (@disco-tea voice) what if he just Does that all the time, she enters a room, he stands up. At first she's like "what the fuck are you doing you freak" but eventually she gets used to it and it's just another Spike thing that she grows to love. (The scoobies still think he's a freak but that's nothing new)

-when Buffy uses his first name his brain shuts off (I am citing my sources)

-he opens doors for Buffy, which we see in Crush, but once they are Together he does it all the time without even thinking about it, it's just what he does, he and Buffy are walking through a door, Buffy's getting out of a car, he opens the door for her

-he is obsessed with Buffy's hair and part of that is Buffy and part of that is because Victorian women didn't leave their hair down in public unless they were children or prostitutes or maybe respected spinsters so seeing long hair flowing in the breeze is like "WEEWOOWEEWOO AOOOGA"

-this is kind of Victorian adjacent but he has no idea who the queen is. Last he checked it was Victoria and he hasn't cared since. Dawn asks him for a history assignment and he says Victoria and she's like "ok I know for a fact that that's not true" and he's like "??? Really? Huh. Well definitely one of her kids. Or grandkids. Probably."

-so nipple piercings were a big thing for like two years around 1890 and I don't think the whirlwind would've been in England still/again so I think he would've missed that trend. However. Dawn being the nerd she is learns about it and mercilessly teases Spike about it and insists he must've had them (because he is a freaky victorian vampire and nipple piercings just make Sense). Eventually he one ups her and actually gets his nipples pierced to Win. Dawn laughs for a solid ten minutes and Buffy doesn't know what to do with herself (she figures it out eventually :))

-he still writes like a victorian, all cursive and fancy, and half the time no one can read his writing bc yes it looks nice but no one uses cursive anymore and also he writes fast bc his brain also works fast so it comes out sloppy (Buffy also has this disease. Dawn is Suffering with her lovely and easy to decipher font-like handwriting.)

-also this comment

#anon im sorry these dont circle back to giles being like 👀 i forgot to refer to the prompt my ap english teacher would be so disappointed #but anything he does that is undeniably gentlemanly giles clocks bc hes a Father and also british #and maybe he does mock spike once he learns hes a victorian. it's his right as his father in law. #ask

[lumilasi]

Decided to make Yui's ref finally, I did have the pieces for it, I was just waiting to make more for it, which I ended up never doing lmao These are honestly enough for now.

I didn't know how to make her appear older on that fancy performance dress one, other than make her hair more grayed out than it originally was....I need to think about it lol

Info below:

Name: Yui Araknos/Blackthorne

Nicknames: Grandma Yui, Grandma (Her grandsons), Mother/mum/mother no (Jurou) Love/darling/honey/my star(Harrow) Mama (Late meredith) Yui-sama (Her granddaughter who's still struggling to just go "grandma(grandmother")

Age: around 200, she'd be the equal of someone in their 60ties as a human

Height: 171 cm

Occupation: Jazz singer/musical mentor

Family: Husband Harrow, son Jurou/Alistair, late daughter Meredith, grandkids Hitomi, Ichirou, and Caelan. Murasaki family A.k.A harrow's cousins.

Friends: Quinn & Alois, the bakenekos she used to look after and helped the former start his singing career. Rikka and Hanma (Harrow's cousin and his wife) Annabell (A young songbird opera singer) Thalia (The chief of staff/butler of the Blackthorne family mansion back in human realm Scotland)

Love interest: Husband Harrow

Abilities:

Soul Devouring: While not a soul eater, her kind can also devour souls - they just tend to also eat the physical bodies of their victims, Yui hasn't done this in a while though.

Shapeshifting: She can shapeshift into her younger self, or a spiderwoman monster. She can also transform just parts of her body, like give herself a monstrous face or a sharp spiderleg-shaped blade arm. She is also fairly fast even with her age.

underwater breathing: She used to reside in a lake and therefore can breathe underwater, and is a very good and fast swimmer.

Singing: Yui is a talented singer, which is why she became a popular performer

Weaknesses:

She is a darker type of spirit so light based magic and spells tend to work on her. She can also be damaged by normal weapons unlike her husband for example, something that almost led to her death back in the day a few times.

Yui's over the top performer tendencies can be a bit much sometimes, to the point she ends up annoying her son, and spooking her granddaughter accidentally why is very shy and timid. She also tends to suffer from loneliness which leads to this over the top social behavior, due to living alone now as her husband is a wanted fugitive, and her son has his own life to live. (He does make sure to see and talk to her regularly, but he is busy)

Personality:

Like Harrow, Yui can be quite eccentric and has a theater kid tendencies where she loves putting on a show and being in the spotlight, largely because she spent so much of her earlier life hiding in shadows to protect others without them really interacting with her directly most of the time. This did also leave her with a slight disdain and anxiety over being alone for long periods of time.

She is not as bad as her husband though when it comes to theatrics, and knows when to act calmer and more "appropriate" as she generally is better at reading the mood around her.

She is a very loving and doting mother and a grandmother, and fiercely protective of her family as well, willing to confront anyone - even beings stronger than her - for being nasty to any of them.

BG Story Summary

Harrow met Yui during his travels, and helped her save her villagers from a natural disaster. Her former home was destroyed by it though, so Harrow asked if she'd like to come stay in his realm until they could find her a new lake to reside in, which was admittedly difficult given the turbulent time the human world was in at the time (world wars were approaching slowly but surely). She was eventually convinced to go by the villagers who noted she was falling in love & did not want her to continue protecting them as the upcoming threats would likely be too much for her, she'd already done a lot for them.

Later she ended up falling in love with a music type from human world that was becoming popular among the Mirror world citizens, Jazz - and became a popular performer.

Fun Facts:

Yui's house - Jurou's former childhood home - was built in Japanese style to make her feel more at home, as Harrow's old home was more western style mansion she found a bit unnerving.

She enjoys singing and playing music with the whole family during celebrations like birthdays, as the whole family is somewhat musical.

Quinn and Alois still visit her occasionally, Quinn moreso as he has large periods of rest in-between tours and recordings, and he was always a bit closer to her than Alois

Her and Harrow often liked to sing sappy lovesong duets, often just to annoy Jurou when he was an edgy teenager. They still do it, but it doesn't annoy him as much.

Yui was always closer with Jurou than Harrow, but had a very good and loving relationship with her daughter as well, even if she did prefer her dad's company slightly.

Yui loves to bake and often makes some sweet treats for her grandchildren's birthdays.

Yui mostly identifies with the surname "Araknos" and tends to forget her official surname in human realm is Blackthorne, not always reacting when people call her Mrs. Blackthorne.

#artists on tumblr #oc reference #digital art #lumi's chaotic creations #lumi's art scribbles #Night city parlor #Yui Araknos #Yui Blackthorne

[dittomander]

Do you have any LGBTQ+ headcanons for EoA?

heck yeah I do 😎 and yes they change all the time lmao.

(second anon: I'm assuming you mean for EoA - you didn't actually specify, but that *is* kinda my brand of answered asks, so if you meant something different you'll have to let me know)

I don't know if I've actually talked about this in a post before, but it's actually very rare for me to have "true" headcanons in the sense that I treat them as "canon" in my head, for sexuality or gender or anything else. I'm prone to rotate ideas around at a moment's notice if I want to explore something else. I like alternate interpretations, y'know? That said, I do still have some common patterns that I tend to fall back on, and some of these are definitely more concrete than others:

Main Cast (in no particular order):

Gabe: bisexual, with a tilt toward women. He kiiinda knew he liked guys as well when he was younger, but sort of put it on a back burner until he joined the guard and very abruptly found himself having to confront it. Pretty casually out to most everyone, except for his parents. (Blanca knows - she’s also bi. Roberto hasn’t figured it out yet, though post-Olaball he’d be very supportive, if a bit confused, if he were to find out.) He's a little in love with all of his best friends.

Naomi: also bi, also with a tilt toward women. she thought she was gay when she was younger and initially came out to her parents as such, and then again later when she realized she was actually bi. the first time was very carefully planned out and rehearsed and maybe a little defensive, which it didn't need to be - she hadn't been subtle, and her folks had already figured. The second time was a blunt and casual "so turns out - 'm bi" through a mouthful of eggs at breakfast one morning. She and Gabe joke about having very similar taste.

Elena: aspec, and that’s about how much I can narrow it down, because the particular variety of aspec I hc her as changes pretty much daily, if not more often. The two I toggle between the most often though are demi-pan (romantic & sexual) and aroace. she's not especially tethered to her gender and wobbles along a line between demigirl and agender, but still generally uses feminine terms for herself - sister/granddaughter/prima and princess/queen are titles, not genders. despite being aspec (or perhaps because of it), she always ends up being the person her friends go to for dating advice.

Mateo: a roulette wheel full of question marks, and I don’t mean that I haven’t thought about it; I mean that I’ve thought about it a lot and I still have no idea, and honestly I don’t think Mateo does either. I think he thinks he’s straight. I doubt that he is, although I do have transhet Mateo on the aforementioned roulette wheel, so I haven't ruled it out entirely. I've got his gender on rotation as well - my most common take is "his gender is Wizard", because let's face it, that's a more significant part of his identity than anything else ever will be.

Isa: a true scientist at heart, she feels the need to both A: experiment, and B: categorize. she does a lot of research into microlabels and neogenders and rotates through several, taking notes on how she feels about each one and trying to codify the distinctions between how she feels about different people so that she can get the exact precise label to describe herself. Elena initially assumes Isa is doing it out of anxiety, but the specificity is part of the fun for her. I'm not sure what she settles on, if she ever does, but whatever she's into includes girls.

Esteban: gay and/or aspec. Definitely had a thing with Victor when he was younger. Definitely ended badly. The two of them were just getting on speaking terms again when they met Shuriki, and, uh, we all know how that one ended.

Francisco & Luisa: bi and closeted & the ultimate straight ally, respectively. They're the Cool Grandparents when it comes to their grandkids' and their friends' identities. Raúl's side of the family was a bit more traditional than them back in the day, but Francisco and Luisa's own marriage was considered "non-traditional" once since Francisco married outside of nobility, so they're very open to a lot of very queer stuff just on principle.

Assorted extras/recurring characters that I have opinions on:

Victor: very bi, with historically very terrible taste. Also as the only non-acespec of the pre-Shuriki amigos, he was the resident member of the friend group that was always like "isn't so-and-so the hottest person ever?" and all his asexual friends were just like "Victor this is just some guy. what."

Carla: aromantic allosexual - she treads a line between wanting a romance and feeling uncomfortable with the concept. she likes it in theory and used to fantasize about getting swept away by a prince when she was little, but realized as she got older that that was more about the comfort and stability than anything else, since when she was actually being presented with romance she was feeling uneasy (the sheer vibes from her little grimace when Elena is telling the romantic sunflower festival story, and from how quickly she jumps from the novelty of her parents being back together to thinking they're being gross...)

Marisa & Marzel: listen.... if you line up Elena, Marisa, and Marzel in Song of the Sirenas, their outfits make the bi flag.... I’m just saying.... that said! they'd be bi/pan by human standards, but sirenas don't exactly operate on the human gender binary and are generally much more fluid with their gender identities than humans, and by extension, with their sexualities. there are chemical signals in their tails that are visible to other sirenas (and possibly under UV light? undecided if this is a science thing or a magic thing) that change with their current gender to communicate information about it to others.

Feli: heteroromantic asexual. she thought she might be gay when she was younger since she knew she wasn't quite into guys the same way her straight peers were, and pre-Shuriki, she and Elena briefly experimented with a romantic relationship. It didn't work out, for obvious reasons, but ended very amicably, and Feli eventually figured out what her deal was. Ricardo was straight, but respected Feli's boundaries, and her asexuality was a big part as to why the two never had kids.

Val: I waffle between bi and lesbian for her, specifically. she tends to process her attraction as frustration, of the "get out of my school" variety. she likes someone? okay, so she's gotta be better than them- She mellows out with age and with a more robust friend group.

Alonso: I generally hc him as bi as well but honestly I do kinda think it'd be hilarious if he was the royal friends' Token Straight. He took his lessons about honesty from A Lava Story to heart, but it does take him a bit to realize that what he would consider impressive might not be to someone else.

Chloe: bisexual, with a preference for men. she tends to be very over-eager in romantic relationships the same way she is with friendships, and needs someone that is both very clear about defining their boundaries, and also very clear about confirming hers.

Rebeca: pansexual. she often gets very anxious before dates as her perfectionism starts to get the better of her, especially for big events like holidays or anniversaries.

Tomiko: oh, well she's just a massive lesbian, isn't she? she's got a pen-pal girlfriend at Cariza's science academy that she met when Isa and Cat decided they needed more hands on deploying the gondola project. Elena is very much her and her girlfriend's celebrity crush.

Vee: she's a demiromantic lesbian with a big 'ol childhood infatuation with Naomi that she'd been hanging onto for years. She fully expected to show up in Avalor and completely sweep Naomi off her feet, sail off with her into the sunset, all that jazz, which didn't quite go as planned. Having seen how Naomi changed over the years, she was finally able to let go and move on to seeking a different partner.

The Royal Guard: Rico is gay and Miguel is bi. In a sort of inverse situation to Gabe's, Antonia used to think she was bi and then after joining the guard and being around men far more frequently than she had been she was kinda like, "hm. maybe not," and now identifies as a lesbian.

Ixlan: nonbinary and sapphic. they mostly use gender-neutral language to refer to themself, but typically won't correct people on using gendered language unless they're directly asked. It's not that big of a deal to them to be considered one gender or another or multiple, they just won't talk about themself that way. There's a specific word in Maruvian for the gender they consider themself, but it doesn't really translate into modern Avaloran.

Rafa: oh, the possibilities! I like the idea of aroace Rafa, who never wanted a partner but did want a kid and so recruited a friend in town to help (or else just dug around in the basement for stuff to make a Potion of Spawn Child); I like the idea of lesbian Rafa, who figured that out from the tryst that resulted in Mateo and didn't exactly have time to get into a new dating pool before she had a kid to take care of and is getting to start fresh and really embrace her identity now that he's moved out; I like the idea of mspec Rafa and the wide range of possible backstories and post-canon stories it affords her; I just like the idea of Rafa lmao

Julio & Carmen: the more business-minded and methodical Julio is pansexual, while the more artistic and outspoken Carmen is asexual.

Doña Paloma: aroallo, like Carla, but she's had a few more decades to sort herself out and find her sweet spot as far as relationships go. she likes a good time but her heart will always belong to her business.

Antonio Agama: despite being something of an idealized, masculine sex symbol by some Avalorans, he's actually asexual. while he likes the adventuring in its own right, it was also always a convenient excuse to not have to spend the night with one of his admirers. "ah, but I can't resist the call of adventure! you'd only miss me in the morning - it's not meant to be, señorita." ...also he has an unrequited crush on Mendoza, who mostly finds him annoying.

#elena of avalor #eoa #headcanon #ditto answers #lgbtq headcanons #long post

[starlytenight]

So we have seen Velesia's dad Papi, what about her mom? Is it possible for us to se a drawing of her too? Or maybe Orin's parents even? If it's not too much of a spoiler to ask?

I had to quickly design some parents, but ye I can indeed do that without issues! We're probably not going to see like most of these guys in the fic, but they exist! I can gladly talk a little about them.

First up:

Of course Papi found the one Puff named Mami LMAO There's the momma, one of her antlers was broken since she was absolutely a warrior while Papi was a master healer. Papi's primary Ability was Light, while Mami's were Animal and Water.

Neither were around long enough to see Velesia's children but Mami died pretty early on in Velesia's life. When Papi was taken out, Velesia took it very poorly and vowed to never be weak. Papi perished while he was healing someone who was possessed by Dark Matter. (It's why she's a bit harder on Apollo because he reminds her of him a lot and she's afraid he'll let his guard down from his compassion and... yeah.)

Velly also remembers stories Papi would tell her about spirits visiting their loved ones from beyond the grave but... well. That'll have to be saved for the actual story.

Next is Orin's folks, (which are still alive since Fairies are immortal unless they have babies outside of fellow fae.)

There's Rico who was a master at plant magic, and Charolette who was also one; she obviously hails from Floralia as one of the People of the Sky (who in this AU are just Ripple Star Fairies that moved to Popstar long ago and adapted.) Their intense plant power gave Orin his own, as well as Charolette's gentleness teaching him about medicines and healing. Orin grew up on Floralia until his parents decided to move when the war was getting a bit much. They moved back to Ripple Star and their son wanted to remain and join the GSA to help them. They didn't stop him since he was old enough to make his own decisions.

The two were still on Ripple Star during the new Dark Matter invasion but were freed like everyone else. They were just in their home in the tropical side of the world. They have no idea how Orin's doing considering he's stuck in the forest at the moment but they hope to see him and Velesia before their time is over. They've also been dying to see their grandkids all these years.

And for a small bonus I'll include a couple others I've designed. They'll be below the cut so this post doesn't get too long! :')

Fairy Queen's parents! Queen Titiana and King Oberon!

She definitely got most of her looks from her dad. He gave up the throne when his wife convinced him their daughter was ready to take over since they had ruled for quite some time. Unfortunately for her, Zero swung by and that was an awful time for the young queen. x'D

Finally, a family that is a little bit special.

Sparkelle's parents. They were indeed on Ripple Star during that invasion, but on another part of the planet for the most part. If they were closer, they would have absolutely sensed Sparky's magic in Vladimir and the confrontation would not have been pleasant.

Oh and Sparkelle has a sister!

They got along as kids but Sparky was definitely an eccentric gal in her interest in science and her views when she was younger.

She definitely got flack for it while her sister was praised for sticking t magic---kinda like how with humans some parents pressure their kids to choose "reasonable" careers, but in this instance it's like "why are you bothering with mortal shit you're magical, stop being a nuisance and stick to magic" kinda thing.

Regardless, the two were close until Sparkelle grew up and tried to do her whole 'helping the Dark Matter' thing with science. She definitely soured the family's thoughts about her with that, though Nissa just hoped her sister would be alright.

As we know... She wasn't.

Vlad hasn't really thought about seeking this family out since he doesn't really think too hard about what family does remain. That, and it's 99% likely Mystie would not recognize Vladimir as her grandson and reject him immediately. Vectorio is more gentle and would want to, but yeahhh. Nissa would likely be weirded out at first, but be welcoming to the weird hybrid since that's all that's left of her sister.

#Look at all these fairies #I joke with my friends that while their AUs all have dragons mine are loaded with fairies #But yeah there you go lots of fun parents running around or at least used to run around #Most of these guys we won't see but there might be some we miiiight but I am not confirming anything ;) #ASMR Chitter Chatter #Starlyteart

[takofoodtruck]

About 2 weeks ago or so, my father passed away. Because of this, I began a more than a week long marathon of packing and heading home from Japan and then driving 2000+ miles to Missouri. Oh, I also had covid, which was actually the easy part. (I didn't travel until recovered and not contagious)

Coming back to Missouri has been.. challenging.

This has been a trip of revisiting old trauma, unlocking memories that I had forgotten, learning things about family that I'd probably rather not know, and finding out that at least a couple of family members are much more supportive than I thought.

In a way, it's good that this happened before I'm further in my transition. I can easily guy-mode as I only have small buds and a slight change in curve/muscle.

I learned that one of my brothers is much less supportive of me being trans than I thought. He used some very mean spirited slurs towards me that do not bear repeating. I worry that the bridge has burned, despite me reaching out. I worry for his relationship with his fiancée, as I don't think she agrees with his position.

Returning for the funeral and seeing some aunts and uncles, but not many of my father's old friends really hit home how he was likely faltering in his ability to control the narrative around himself except with those that were long distance.

I had to hold up his lies one last time, despite telling myself in therapy that I would never do that again. It was hard to determine what version of my father people knew. The churchy preacher? The hardline red hat type? Only his younger sister knew the real him, maybe hia brother that didnt come, but sent flowers..

Though, I couldn't keep it up forever, so a few more now know the abusive, lying, mean person he usually was. That everything was transactional. Love, care, everything was a voucher that he would later cash in or use for further gaslighting or abuse.

I also learned that one of the last bad situations he'd been in was likely not a lie, his side of the story was likely the truth, and no one believed him. If I feel bad about anything for my father, it's this specific thing.

On the other hand, I have been playing "find the hidden loaded guns that his grandkids could have found" for a week now. I'm up to 3. I think that's all of them.

He also had 2 cats that were not planned for. His dogs were at other homes to be taken care of when he passed, but no one was caring for the cats.. I made sure they were calmed and fed/watered and eventually got them to the humane society to keep them healthy.

Cleaning up this dirty, awful house after growing up being abused mentally and physically for something as simple as leaving out a couple water cups in the sink as a child has been a major flip for my brain.

There's nearly nothing worth passing on or keeping here. All the furniture was ruined by his dogs, he only ever got cheap junk or whatever the red-hat crowd media told him was "good". There's "survival" gear, but half of it doesn't work or is such bad quality it's just landfill waste at this point.

It's really odd finding some of my own things from middle school and high school still here. Despite this being my first time at this house. Erasers, sketch books with my pages cut out and filled with his or his late wife's notes. Nothing worth keeping, but lots of junk. Boxes and boxes of junk.

The house itself is massively settling. I have no clue how he got a mortgage for this place. We're talking with a lawyer that he was working with to handle that. We'll probably have to sell it at a loss or, hopefully, turn it over to the bank.

We hadn't talked in a few years except for him doubling down on being a prepper/irresponsible with firearms/threatening minorities if they "came for him".

I've had several one-sided conversations with him in this house since he passed. Mostly about all the hidden loaded guns he had around the house and how he had no clue how to take care of a gravity drain septic system.

A few times I have wondered "why did I even come back for this" but I'm glad I'm here to help my brother. Our other brother went home. I don't blame him, I just wish him well and hope he betters himself.

I look forward to going home and putting all of this behind me. Closing this chapter of abuse and putting it away so I can finally heal from it and move on.

#growing up queer #cathartic blog #old trauma #death in the family

[40sandfabulousaf]

大家好! I haven't taken photos during regular walks because the heat has been unbearable; that was until I lifted my head and was greeted by a gorgeous swathe of vibrant green. There were others also walking along the pavements or cycling, a nod to our nation's call to prepare for healthy aging. Whether it's grandparents pushing their grandkids in prams or adults on their bicycles, people are being more active and that's great. Plus, it feels good to be out in the sun for short periods, even if the weather is so bloody hot right now.

I'm usually on the lookout for healthier dining options for Pa, so we visited a little diner which serves unpolished rice teng zai juk (sampan congee with lean pork, cuttlefish and peanuts). I added fish slices to our bowls, plus Thai style tofu and dou miao (pea sprouts) for us to share. This congee was surprisingly good and the only way I'll eat whole grains; I find it much more palatable because it's moist. More importantly, Pa and I enjoyed a healthy meal together and strengthened father and daughter bonds. To wash all that down: freshly squeezed pineapple, green apple and lemon juice without added sugar.

WL and I caught up over unagi and anago and he fell so much in love with the tenderness of both types of fish, he announced his intention to visit again within a week! We also tried the restaurant's sashimi and OMG the thick slabs of ika were delicious. The chutoro, salmon and hotate were also very yummy. There're several more catch ups lined up because I'm taking a much-needed break and doing stuff I previously didn't have the time nor mental energy for. It's been fun so far and I'm enjoying every minute!

Tofu, whether firm or soft, as well as fu pi (tofu skin), are delicious and I happily eat them, and I don't mind tempeh once in awhile. But man, I don't like the starchy texture of legumes and lentils; no matter how wellness posts shove these nasty things down my throat, I won't eat them. They're similar to wholegrains to me - disgusting unless they're made to taste decent. Recently I came across a low sodium chickpea pack, tried it, didn't mind it and bought another pack for Pa to try. They're not yummy enough for me to eat as part of a main meal like tofu or fu pi, but as a snack, I certainly am able to down a handful at a time.

Pa used to press me to eat more legumes and lentils (yuck forever) but now he realises it's far more rewarding to reach a compromise rather than see me miserable eating what I hate. On my part, I WILL eat stuff I normally won't IF it's palatable. From there, we find common ground and bond because healthy and delicious foods are always a pleasure to talk about. This is win win and it improves family ties. 下次见!

#Youtube

[ducknotinarow]

[2012 RaphArnold - hug your father in law because here he is being a dad]

"Raphael, there yer are," Arnold grinned, just having caught a glimpse of green, "Was wonderin' if I coul' show yer somethin' pretty quick."

When the Turtle came over, Arnold showed him said thing - a book. A clearly old book, hand made, with older papers with hand written words, and a ribbon binding everything together. On the front, in faded, yet beautiful, cursive was a simple phrase: 'Jones Family Cook book'. Arnold smiled,

"This has been in my family for years, my ma gave it t' me, an' her ma gave it t' her, an' their ma t' them, an' so on, for generations," Arnold explains, "We all add our own recipes t'."

Arnold was careful as he flicked through the pages, showing as they got newer, the writing changed. Even Casey and Angel had little sections near the end, each one separated by a tab made by said person, though, Casey and Angel's parts had very few recipes added,

"I've already taught Casey an' Angel my own, an' I'd like t' teach yer the same ones t', I trus' yer won't burn anythin'," He lightly jokes, soon sighing softly, "But, there's jus' one problem with the book, it's missin' someone," Arnold looks to Raph, smile soft, "It's missin' yer section."

Arnold is careful as he holds out the book to them, waiting for Raphael to take it,

"Yer my son t' Raph, an' I wan' yer t' add t' our book, if yer wan' t' as well," Arnold asks of them, "Who knows, if yer an' Casey ever get a few munchkins of yerself, they can add t' it t' - but uh, I'm sure that's a long way away."

He barely knew Raph but was already thinking about grandkids, maybe he should slow down a little,

"Still, I'd like yer t' add to our family book, an' when yer get some more time, I'll teach yer my lasagne recipe, one of my kids gotta be able t' cook it without turnin' it int' charcoal."

| Muse Interaction

"I dunno, jus' feels 'ike a mess Case." Was the best the turtle had to offer as he spoke to his boyfriend over the phone. Sitting out not to far from their home. Casey making his way home the plan was to meet up and head out but Raphael was no longer in the mood to bash skulls or tag up any walls. Of course Casey asked what was wrong seeing if he needed to make use of their code to instead talk and vent. "I ain't ya know tryin' not to tell ya jus' I don' know how to word it?" He offers but from the tone in Casey voice he knows they know that. Hell Casey gets it better than anyone how hard it can be word your emotions. Sure he could write his out Raph not so much he needed time to figure it out. And well he had a lot to figure out, he sort of had a fight with Splinter. Not sure if you can call it a fight much. Fights were physical or verbal, Raph didn't get much word in simply cutting it all of with 'hai sense' bowed head and dipped out the first chance he had. Grateful for Casey in this moment when they offer to stay in for the night instead. Made better when telling Raph they could just hang out at his place.

If it weren't for the fact he felt like he would be imposing or whatever he would be over at the Jones' home more than he already was. Which said a few things about the turtle as is. Apparently he was slightly polite and surprisingly he wasn't over near as much as it may seem. Raph was well aware just how welcomed he was by Casey and his family. Something he never fully got his mind wrapped around, but at the same time he kept visits to a decent balance so Splinter wouldn't be on his case to much. Raphael understands it comes from a concur and a worry in his own father maybe fear too. Not to mention he didn't want to over stay his welcome. Assuming there was a limit to such a thing. Raph just didn't want to risk what had come to be his safe haven in a sense. And he has a feeling Casey aware of that fact, but Casey's such a good boyfriend not seeming to mind the times Raph wants to simply hide out in it when it's needed. Though he dose still go through Casey bed room window most the time. Best way to get right to his boyfriend after all. But now? He was allowed to come to the front door.

It was dark out so he was pretty easily hidden thanks to the lack of street lights. It felt sort of weird as he knocked on the door. So normal and mundane but filled his shell with an overwhelming sensation. It's eased away when Casey's gap tooth smile greets him at the door and invite him in hard not to return the grin. Having gotten there not too long after Casey had it seemed they were just going to head right up to his room. But it seemed the moment Raph's presence wasn't only known by Casey, rhe turtle would be summoned by another in the house.

"Raphael, there yer are,"

On instinct he paused and turned around to peek his head over, letting them better see him. As he was just met with a smile. Did they know he would be popping around? " uhhey Aronarld, I'm here, need somethin' ?" The turtle was still learning how to walk around the eldest human he was different from April's Dad course dating. Casey may have a lot to do with the approach as well.

"Was wonderin' if I coul' show yer somethin' pretty quick."

Well now he was curious by the suggestion, tossing a look to Casey a moment. "I'll catch up to ya." He idly states before turning and making his way over to thier Dad. He really liked the guy even if they could be a tad corny but it was a good kind. They seemed bejist really beyond cool with Casey dating Raphael. And even about Raoh being a turtle, sure he was bound to have some moment, but honestly? It felt nice having another human who didn't scream at the sight of him. Raphael offered a smile to them then looked down to what they wanted to show him. Tilting his head to the side as he lookong over the aged pages unevenly stacked all banded up with a ribbon actting as a spine. Reading over the cover it was a cook book, a Jones cook book at that. He didn't guess cooking was a big thing for them? Seeing how Casey cooking skills weren't much to sneeze at.

"This has been in my family for years, my ma gave it t' me, an' her ma gave it t' her, an' their ma t' them, an' so on, for generations,"

Raphael offers a nod of his head as Aronald leafs through the pages of the cook book. But he dosent quite understand why they are showing him thier family cook book still?

"We all add our own recipes t'."

That's kind of nice he thinks having something that been passed down like so entrusted to each part of thier family added on even. Made clear as some pages were newer than others. Hand writing differed between the sections even. Think back on hiw Splinter would mention heirlooms his own family had long ago. Thier weapons were part of those. They didn't really have anything like this maybe that photo album but Mikey took over on that. Leo would get Splinters sword that was always known. And kind of what caused the not so much if a fighting they had.

He let's that thought move away as he shifts and moves to get comfortable where he's standing right now. Looking at the name tabs of the sections till its gets to Arnorld he sees Casey and Angel even have sections. Course Raphael smiles at the sight if Casey's name. He's half tempted to joke with thier Dad about how many different way can one person burn a meal.

"I've already taught Casey an' Angel my own, an' I'd like t' teach yer the same ones t', I trus' yer won't burn anythin',"

The offer to teach him some of his own recipes goes over Raphs head a second as he dosen't even hide the snicker that comes out of him when Aronald makes a similar snide at his kids expense. Deciding it might be fine to add in his own but he's cut off as they contuine to speak

"But, there's jus' one problem with the book, it's missin' someone,"

Oh? This must be why he asked for Raph? Though he don't know what the problem is or even how Raph can help? Maybe a receipe was missing? Taken? Oh family drama they have a section fully missing due to some in family fighting and Raph can sneak into wherever to get it!

Honestly though the answer he's given paired with the soft smile they wore was far from what he ever would have expected to here.

"It's missin' yer section."

"My what?" Raphs bewilderment can't go unnoticed needing a second before he's even aware they were holding the book out for him to take. Raph near forgetting how his arms and hands even function before he gingerly took the book carefully holding it in his hands. He dosent knkw what todo what to see even why would he get a section?

"Yer my son t' Raph, an' I wan' yer t' add t' our book, if yer wan' t' as well,"

He lifts his gaze up to them unsure what to say to that. How could he be thier son? He bearly knew Raph yet he considered them family? What did Raph even do for them to think of him in that way? He tries but try as he can he just can't recall a time Raph had done a thing for that to be earned.

"Who knows, if yer an' Casey ever get a few munchkins of yerself, they can add t' it t' - but uh, I'm sure that's a long way away."

And now he's sure he blushing at that. Kids?! Okay well technically they did treat thier pet turtle like thier joint son but. Shit! He wants the book to go through them then?! Ugh his head his spin his tongue is tied the fuck is he meant todo right now?!

This is too much right he can't accept this? Can he? For some reason though Arnold's voice seems to clam the anxious spin out his mind was going through in that second.

"Still, I'd like yer t' add to our family book, an' when yer get some more time, I'll teach yer my lasagne recipe, one of my kids gotta be able t' cook it without turnin' it int' charcoal."

His eyes just widen a moment he can't comprehend this at all. How can he just do this? Welcome Raphael how he dose? Claim them part of his family even. Raphael hadn't done anything worthy of that. He wants Raphael part of it even a book full of Jones and he felt Raph had a place with them? Raph didn't even have a place in his father's mind as being considered worth the Hamato family's values and ways. But he was worth this?

Raph lowers his head lookong down to the pages carefully tracing his thumb on the edge of the pages. His mind suddenly went blank he couldn't think he'll he had to remind himself to breath in that moment. He manges a smile, unsure of hiw he normally wears those in the first place. He feels something swelling in his chest but he can't name it. Casey Dad was just being nice right?

"I can' make time." He simply answers with, a slient yes i want to spend that time with you hidden in his words. "I never had anythin' as good as your lasagna after all so love ta know how to make it." He offers to try and hide the welling emotions building up in him as he carefully sets the book down. Not wanting to lose a single page on the binding.

As soon as it was safe though he steps over a second and put his arms around Aronald wishing to die the second his body moved but it was quick and fast as he gave them a a faint squeeze between his arms. Praying that they can't tell how much this just hit him he can't even explain it or fathom it. It's just a cook book but it was also not just about the book. Before he let go and moved back from Aronald, eyes kept low holding his self-control over himself in that moment. "Thanks." It soft near faint before he slowly steps away again. "I uh should get back to Case for now, but definitely gonna plan somethin' out to learn from you don't wanna just drop it on ya after all." Legs move please he begs as he steps away and retreats towards Casey's room. Nothing again Aronald he just needed the comforting presence Casey offered when he felt way too much for his own liking.

#muse| hamato rapheal #madamkezzie #aflockoffeathers #[ if you jump off a bridge its only cause i did first aflockoffeathers] #[ would it be too much to call you dad now? -aflockoffeathers] #[ 2012 verse] #muse interactions #ic reply #stayed qeued #(( raphs gonna have the lair smelling like lasagna for days XD)) #((i didnt elebrate much but basically splinter remarked on somethings he going to give to Leo and raph got a bit hurt because its seems lik #the rest of them were really being considered but especially him cause daddy issues uwu))

[angryatitall]

Encanto Horseback Riding Headcanons..cuz why not

Since we see Bruno and Mirabel riding a horse(well, Bruno just jumps out of the bushes), I wanted to share those no use headcanons about the Madrigals horse riding skills.

All of the Madrigals have had lessons, but for some it ended quicker to say so.

Mirabel: Very clearly can ride a horse, she probably learned it young. Since she mostly helps around in Casita and the town, she doesn't do it as often but sometimes she takes one out for a quick ride.

Bruno: Used to ride horses a lot, would be away for hours sometimes. Funny enough he also was anxious about falling off. After ten years in the walls, his horse riding skills need some refreshing.

Alma 'Abuela': When very young she did make some horseback riding trips with her parents, but she stopped doing it in her teen years. After her husband's death and the making of the Encanto she eventually took it up again whenever she had time. Being 75 she doesn't ride self anymore, but when someone invites her on their horse she takes the offer.

Pepa: Pepa tried as a child a few times, but her weather scared the horse too often and she quickly decided it was best for her and the horses if she didn't. She also doesn't go with someone else unless she really has to.

Julieta: One of the surprising things about Julieta is her skills for on the horse. Even at fifty she can still jumps on a horse easily(apart from her skirt being in the way but that's just details). She is very good in gallop and leading the horse through difficult paths. This comes from her learning herself those skills so that she could reach someone in need quick and she has perfected it.

Agustín: He can ride a horse, but do not send him alone. He will fall of the horse while in walk. Actually, don't trust him to go any faster than a calm trot.

Félix: He is the one who teaches the grandkids, is a pretty decent rider. He often takes Antonio out for a ride, which became more fun since his son can talk with animals and can tell him what the horse wants. (Even if Antonio can talk with the horse, Félix finds him too young to start learning)

Dolores: Learned from her dad, can decently ride a horse and does so at moments to escape the town to go for some peace and quiet in the hills. Never goes really fast because of the noise the hooves make when in fast trot or gallop.

Camilo: Tries to impress with his horse riding skills, tries to sit on his knees on the back and falls off. Mainly rides horses as a way of entertaining, trying to do little tricks. Did shapeshift once while riding, the horse did not like that.

Antonio: Already said by Félix, but when they think he is old enough to make it safe, he just talks with the horse. Also, while he still can he rather goes with Parce.

Luisa: Luisa doesn't ride, she did have some lessons from her Tío when she was still small. But she is afraid she is too big now and that she would hurt the horse. Luisa also doesn't believe she has much need for it with her gift, she rather just carry the horse.

Isabela: One of the parts of being perfect was being able to ride a horse. But no wild riding, just having the perfect posture as she would spread flowers around the streets. She thinks it's boring and post movie she doesn't really ride anymore. Her plants can help her around.

#this was made very late #grammar is weak #encanto #the madrigals #encanto headcanon #horse back riding #horse riding #randomness #pepa madrigal #julieta madrigal #bruno madrigal #alma abuela #mirabel madrigal #camilo madrigal #agustín madrigal #félix madrigal

[beepboop358]

Victor Creel Theories

(also includes ST movie DNA series: Star Wars)

Victor Creel is described as "a disturbed and intimidating man who is imprisoned in a psychiatric hospital for a gruesome murder in the 1950s." We know he will be institutionalized at Penthurst mental hospital, where Peter Ballard works, based on leaked on set pics.

There a few possibilities regarding his character:

He could be a former test subject with some kind of powers and a connection to the upside down (which would also follow the even/odd season pattern of a main character being directly involved with the upside down creatures) I think it's highly likely that Victor Creel will be involved with the mystery/danger in Hawkins in some way, and have a connection to the upside down. He could also be disturbed on top of this, and he could be involved in Eleven's storyline this season.

That he is not a test subject and is ONLY mentally disturbed.

He may be related to one of the already established characters. Most likely Joyce, and maybe Terry but it's a stretch.

Before I go any further into that last possibility, I just want to preface that this idea of an "evil father/grandfather with powers" could be a purposeful Star Wars parallel. The Duffer brothers have already paralleled and used Star Wars references a few times in the show:

In Star Wars, Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father, and Palpatine is Rey's grandfather (aka the literal worst guy in the universe). A common theme in ST is abusive/bad fathers - that post here. Interesting...

Palpatine is also Anakin Skywalker's father, so Luke and Leia are both the grandkids of Palpatine as well as Rey is, but it's unclear if they are just force midichlorian related or actually dna related as well but I won't get into that here!

Luke and Rey are both force sensitive (have powers), so are Darth Vader and Palpatine; their descendants (kid/grandkid) have powers, and so do they (father/grandfather) The descendants use their powers for good, while the ancestors use their power for evil. Who has powers in ST? Eleven and Will - and they both already have this idea of abusive/bad/evil fathers: Will has an abusive father Lonnie, and Eleven has an abusive father figure Dr. Brenner "Papa".

So... Victor Creel being the evil/bad grandfather to either Eleven or Will and the evil/bad father to Joyce or Terry, would make a FULL Star Wars parallel to people who are morally good and have powers (Will and El - Luke and Rey), discovering they are the descendant of an evil male figure who also has powers (Victor Creel - Darth Vader and Palpatine)

If Victor Creel turns out to be the father of anyone in the show my bets are it's either Joyce Byers or maybeee Terry Ives.

If he was a test subject, its likely he went "crazy" with some of his powers and the government couldn't cover it up so they declare him mentally insane to get him committed, and he probably goes insane being locked away as well. Personally, I think he may be 001 or an early test subject, when they were still working out the kinks of the program, and I think he does have a big connection to the upside down.

The Duffer Brother's on s4: "In Hawkins a new horror is beginning to surface, something long buried, something that connects everything"....

Now let's get into the possibilities for Creel's storyline/who he could be related to (split into 3 parts).

Part 1: Creel could be Joyce's father

Based on Victor Creel's description as "disturbed" and that he is "in a psychiatric hospital", it could connect him to Joyce's bloodline.

There are several comments in the show hinting to this idea of mental instability in Joyce's family:

s1 ep.5: When Lonnie comes to visit in s1 after Will goes missing, Joyce says to Lonnie "No, don't look at me like that, like how everyone is looking at me, like I'm out of my damn mind" He responds saying "I think you need to consider the possibility that this is all in your head. Remember your Aunt Darlene?" Joyce quickly replies, "No, this is not that."

That conversation, although quick, is very telling. Lonnie is implying that Joyce had an aunt who was mentally unstable - and Joyce clearly knows about her aunt being unstable because she responds to his comment by saying what's she's experiencing is not that (the mental instability of her aunt)

s2 ep.2: Joyce says to Bob, "this is not a normal family", when he suggest moving out of Hawkins.

I used to think Joyce was always was referring to the whole 'my son got stuck in an alternate dimension with supernatural monsters and is now traumatized, and we were sworn to secrecy by the government' thing but maybe she is also referring to her biological family.

s1 ep.2: When they are searching for Will, one of the other police officers, says "Joyce is one step from the edge" and the other officer responds "She has been several steps for quite a while now".

If Joyce is related to Victor Creel biologically, and he did also happen to be a test subject, has powers, or has some other relation to the upside down, this could possibly have contributed to whatever kind of abilities Will has, because he would be a descendant of Creel. But Joyce does not seem to have any powers and neither does Jonathan. If they were related to Creel, it's odd that they both didn't get powers, but Will did. I've always thought Will was born with his powers, like El.

We know almost nothing about Joyce's past, it's never discussed in the slightest in the show, which I feel like is purposeful. We don't know Joyce's maiden name; she doesn't change it back after she and Lonnie divorce. Maybe the Duffers are saving Joyce's backstory for s4 (and possibly s5), like I think they are doing with Will and El's connection. Will, El, Hopper, and Joyce were pictured in a series of 4 tweets posted by the stranger writers, hinting to the main 4 storylines for season 4. My analyzation of this tweet here.

I think it's possible that Joyce's storyline this season could also have to do with her past- not just her searching for Hopper- but also more personal information about her. Perhaps we will see flashbacks of younger Joyce and maybe learn about her biological relatives.

Noah also said this would be the darkest season for Will, so this idea of being the grandkid of someone evil or disturbed could fit into that.

Part 2: Creel could be Terry's father/Eleven's grandfather

The only other person I could see potentially having a biological; relation to Victor Creel could be Terry Ives and Eleven, (because it would complete the Star Wars parallel mentioned earlier) but it's a stretch for several reasons, the main one being that Terry and Becky's father Bill Ives, died in a car crash (year unknown).

So for Victor Creel to be Terry's father that either has to be:

Her adoptive father OR

Her mother cheated and led Mr. Ives to believe Terry was his kid but her father is really Victor Creel, and Becky is actually Bill Ives son (which would explain why Becky has no powers)

Right of the bat it's interesting Terry's father's name is Bill. Bill is a nickname for William (Will Byers full name is William), and Billy's a nickname also for William... Hmmm....

Immediately after El is born, Terry is adamant that Brenner stole her child to use as a weapon to fight the commies BECAUSE SHE HAD SPECIAL ABILITIES - and she's completely right about everything. How does Terry know El had powers immediately after she was born? Because she knows she has developed some kind of special abilities from the experiments as well. When El goes to visit her mother in s2, THE LIGHTS FLICKER, just like they do when the upside down is near, but it's not Eleven controlling it. Her Aunt Becky says it's just the wiring, and Eleven responds: "IT'S MAMA. She wants to talk." And then we see Terry's NOSE BLEED, just like El's does when she uses her powers.

Quick side note about El's biological father is Andrew Rich: (It's revealed in the canon novel Suspicious Minds that Andrew Rich is El's father) He was a college student who got expelled from school due to protesting the Nixon address, making him eligible to be drafted in the Vietnam war, and he died in battle. Terry was involved in the Project MKUltra experiments at Hawkins National Laboratory in College, under the direction of Dr. Martin Brenner, but didn't know she was pregnant at the time. Andrew never even knew Terry was pregnant, meaning she was extremely early on in her pregancy at the time he was sent away, not even Terry was aware yet. It's also stated in this book that BRENNER HAD A HAND IN GETTING ANDREW EXPELLED SO HE COULD SEND ANDREW AWAY. The novel states that Brenner has Andrew drafted because he wants to SCARE Terry, to show her how much power he has over her life. There's definitely some history between Terry and Brenner that we don't know about yet.

If Victor Creel is in fact Joyce's father it's interesting that the powers seem to have skipped a generation with Joyce, and also one kid with the Byers, but if Victor Creel is Terry's father, no generations were skipped in passing down powers. ANYWAYS, this is all just theories and speculation since we have no actual concrete reasons to believe he will be related to Joyce or Terry.

Part 3: The possibility that Creel could be involved in Eleven's storyline this season does not rely on them being biologically related.

**One of the filming locations for this season is the Claremont House, which is RUMORED to be Creel's house and also "Vecna's lair" the new monster for s4 (unconfirmed) This is the house the Hawkins group goes into in the ST4 sneak peek, where they see the grandfather clock striking midnight. If that's true, there's a connection between Creel and the upside down and having powers, which could connect Creel to Eleven. The Duffers: "In Hawkins a new horror is beginning to surface, something long buried, something that connects everything". This thing "that connects everything", could be Creel's storyline (his possible connection to the lab/upside down/person in the show), because Creel's storyline also spans all the way back to the 1950's and before that, so there's our "long buried" part most likely.

Robert Englund recently revealed in *an interview* that his character Victor Creel gouges his eyes out, making him unable to see. Englund also mentions what it's like working with Millie Bobby Brown and talks about the first time her met her, he doesn't mention any other cast members in detail like he does Millie.

He's clearly working closely with Millie's character Eleven.

But why? I think Creel could be involved with Eleven getting her powers back, and her reliving her past. Once the government baddies realize El has no powers, they're gonna want them back. If Creel was in fact a test subject, maybe there is some kind of connection between them, Such as Eleven revisiting what happened to her in her past and how that could relate to her getting her powers back.

Another thought I had was that perhaps the gruesome murder he committed is somehow related to something that ends up impacting in Eleven's life.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whatever Victor Creel's storyline is, it will be an important one, and it will carry somewhat into s5, since he will be a returning character. He is not signed as a series regular, but as a recurring character, which means we don't really know to what capacity he will be in s5. It could be flashbacks mostly, or he could have just as big or small of a role.

Source: indie wire

That detail about eyes being gouged out reminds me of fear street 1666 when the townsmen who was sacrificed to the devil becomes possessed and gouges the kids eyes out. Leigh Janick, director of fear street, is married to Ross Duffer. They both direct and make horror/sci-fi themed series about kids in a small town set in the 80's, who fight supernatural evil with a heavy undertone of queer themes, that are even filmed in a lot of the same locations (the mall, the town streets, etc.) I'm not saying it's the same thing, it definitely won't be. But there's so many similarities between ST and Fear Street, I thought I would mention this as another.

#stranger things #st movie dna series #st4 #stranger things 4 #stranger things season 4 #stranger things 4 spoilers #stranger things season 4 spoilers #stranger things four #stranger things season four #victor creel #joyce byers #st4 spoilers #st4 theory #st4 speculation #Terry ives #eleven #el hopper #eleven hopper #Jane byers #Jane hopper #will byers #Will Byers has powers #stranger things theory #stranger things 4 theory #stranger things obsessed #stranger things analysis #stranger things 4 speculation #stranger things meta #stranger things season 4 theory #st meta

[beautifulterriblequeen]

B2:S - Chapter 3

Much of this series will be about the differences and additions in the novel version, and how they contribute to my understanding of story canon. But there will be character appreciation, the odd theory and headcanon, and suchlike as well.

Here be Lujanne, Callum, Rayla, Ezran, Bait, and Soren goodness!

Spoilers for Book Two: Sky below.

Lujanne having excellent fitness for all her walking around the Moon Nexus, and she's so energetic that Callum has trouble keeping up with her! She seems like those active grandmas who almost never stop moving, who have a lifelong supply of endless stamina. It makes me wonder if Lujanne will need that level of fitness for some upcoming conflict.

Callum feeling really hungry over not eating grubs and then still deciding he'd rather be hungry. It makes me wonder all over again how Lujanne got to the point where she eats grubs, considering that other Moonshadow elves we know of back in the Silvergrove don't. I still love my hc that the giant leech ate all of Lujanne's moonberry bushes and she's taking her revenge. Whatever's going on there, Callum is definitely not at that point yet.

When Lujanne asks Callum how he knows she's real, he thinks to himself that he'd put up with just about anything from someone who was going to teach him magic. That's a great parallel and foreshadowing for Viren's student/master relationship with Aaravos! And it's telling that neither student gets exactly what they hoped to get. Lujanne doesn't actively teach Callum any spells, because she believes he can't learn Moon magic at all. Aaravos does offer Viren power, but it takes him to some very dark places - literally and figuratively - and the cost is terribly high.

Callum sees a moon shape among the ruins, and Lujanne explains that the Moonhenge layout is an intricate rune that uses the structures themselves as part of its symbols and power. That's apparently a thing even with ordinary Moonshadow villages like Hollow Wood in the east, which is the coolest idea I've seen in a while: city planning as magic runes!

Yes, that's the same shape as the pendants Ethari made for himself and Runaan. Protection? Home? Feelsiness? A sense of safety and belongnig for all cycles and seasons?

Wonder what this Moonhenge rune stands for, then, and how much of this landscape is included in that rune. I bet it's more than we think!

But it makes sense now, how toppling the stone pillars would disable the spell the druids would cast to connect with the Moon Nexus lake. Breaking the infrastructure of the Moonhenge breaks the rune.

There's a physical sensation involved with the visuals that Historia Viventem brings up! When that one ghostly druid walked through Callum, he felt icy cold. Like in ghost stories. I really wonder about what exactly Historia Viventem is doing when it activates. It shows truth, "what really happened here?", so it must have some kind of time-related element, maybe tied to how the moon always repeats the same cycles or something. But it also seems to draw on the spirits of any living people involved in the flashback, because Callum could physically feel that wispy shape passing through him. So very interesting!

Orrr... is that all wrong, and there's something else at work with this spell than time? Maybe the world beyond life and death can act as an imprint of the things that have happened in the living world, and the spell that Lujanne (and later Callum) casts taps into that place, with perfect recall. I'm looking really hard at the sentence that says "dozens of translucent elf ghosts" and "phantom Moonhenge" and "lost in their own world" here.

Lujanne says more here than in the show about the world beyond life and death, being her mysterious Moonshadow-mage self. She says that "beyond" and "between" might both apply to where this other plane of existence is, and she doesn't much care which. With all the relativity swirling around this place, and not much in the way of empiricism, it's sounding like perhaps multiple conflicting ideas might actually coexist in such a place, allowing more ideas to fit there than we might normally believe is possible. Which is a fascinating bit of worldbuilding. Basically, every headcanon anyone has ever had about the Moon Nexus could all be true at the same time, for all we know.

Oh oh oh, Callum coming in soft with a secret wish! He takes one look at the Moonhenge and immediately thinks of finding a way to see his mom again! Poor boy, my heart! I'd say that could be another interesting parallel with Viren, but then, who wouldn't hold that sentiment?

Oh my, is this another breath of life into Ye Olde Ley Lines headcanon? Lujanne mentioning the Nexuses again, so soon after talking about the runic design of the entire Moonhenge, makes me wonder if the six nexuses are in fact giant runes. On Earth, the places where ley lines cross are called nexuses, and there are those who believe those points got marked with ancient structures, like Stonehenge and many many others. If Xadia were crossed with magical lines which naturally formed nexus points where they met, and if powerful magical runes were built across those entire areas, well. That would be cool beans, fams. Can I smack a map of Xadia and release a spell like Luz Noceda does? Because ngl that is my first instinct here.

Lujanne has got to be missing some grandkids to spoil, right? The way she's always whipping out cake and ice cream for Callum, and she's so grandma-ish about it. Headcanon about her being Runaan's mom aside, she is canonically lonely and she's very sweet to Allen and Ellis and I think she's missing whatever family she once had in the past. She may never get to have that family back, so she's finding a new one among the humans who live nearby, and I think that's sweet. Found family isn't just for the young.

But Ellis is straight up gonna be her fave, I bet, because she didn't turn up her nose at Lujanne's illusion food!

Ezran and Bait have a lot more to their relationship than was visible in the show, and I'm so excited by it! Ez can tell by looking at Bait's colors that he's not truly jealous of Zym, even if he's really grumpy about the dragonling taking up his favorite human's time.

And Ez thinking a lot about his dad and the things he's taught him. They're soft leadership material, and I love that so much! "Pick your battles" and the importance of encouragement. Ahh, my heart. Ezran, you're going to be such a good king.

But wait a second: both times that Bait gets extra grumpy in Zym's first training session, Ezran has just mentioned something about flying. Guys, I think Bait wishes he could fly, really badly. And that's his biggest problem with Zym, and with Ezran teaching Zym to fly, instead of Bait who doesn't have wings so. Bait is so old that his secrets have secrets, and I'm really curious how flying fits into them now!

Rayla, Dramatic Assassin: "I need to patrol for dark forces." That's what Lujanne called the source of the purple wisps that found them. I wonder if that's an official term all Moonshadows know, or if Rayla is just taking her cue from a veteran Moon mage. And I wonder how far Rayla is falling into the apparent pattern of "one mage, one assassin", since she does spend a lot of her time patrolling without being asked.

When Callum tells Lujanne that he was bad at prince stuff, and she asks if he didn't give up and got good at those things anyway, it's an opportunity for Callum to embrace subverting his parents' expectations in favor of seeking his own path, which is a primary theme of the show. But Lujanne is a couple generations older than Callum, at the very least, and I have to wonder what her upbringing was like. Is her version of success the one she took? Was she bad at magic once too, but she persisted? She is very soft and doesn't want to kill anyone.

Maybe Lujanne had dreams of doing something else with her life, but she felt she had to pursue the destiny that others handed to her, so she studied magic as hard as she could, and she did get good at it, but using it to defend Xadia from humans is not what she wanted to do with her life. Whether there's a parallel between her and Ethari on that point, there's one between Callum and Ethari, I think. How much of your life are you willing to let others direct for you?

LISTEN I WAS DYING AT THE EAR BREAD SCENE OKAY

This is my new favorite Soren and Claudia moment ever. Soren loves him his bread, okay. Even as earplugs for Claudia's sleep ocarina tune. The fact that it's "super effective" makes me think of a Pokemon defense. The fact that he learned it at camp, where he also learned about Moonshadow Madness, is hilarious. Later on, Corvus doesn't know Soren by name, but I still love the idea of Corvus being a kind of Strider-esque camp instructor, filling the ears of his young charges with all kinds of useful tactics like ear bread for magic spell songs (which actually seemed to work as intended), and warnings about the enemy elves' blood-themed tactics (which may or may not come back around in BH)

I thought they were gonna go in a kind of deep direction when Soren still wanted his ear bread back, but then he just. Eats them. Just noms them. I love this kid. Give Soren all the bread!

#book two: sky spoilers #book two: sky #b2:s #tdp spoilers #ToX spoilers #gloaming glade spoilers #lujanne #callum #rayla #ezran #tdp zym #soren #tdp claudia #tdp bait

[ma-gic-gay]

"Get. Out," Jason says, glaring at the mobster in front of him. "Aren't you supposed to be in a prison cell?"

"I was released on bail and wanted to see how-"

"Say her name and you'll be the one in the hospital bed."

"Is that a threat?"

"A promise," he smiles fakely, enjoying the fact he's the one with power in this situation. This sick bastard is the reason that his... Carly is traumatized and hurt.

"Please, leave," Carly requests softly. For a minute, Jason almost forgot she was there. He immediately goes back in his chair and wipes away her tears, which are coming fairly frequently. "I want him out of here and back in his cell."

"You heard the woman. Get out or I'll have security remove you."

"I own part of this hospital, Mr. Morgan. I'm on the board-"

"Not anymore," Michael answers, walking in with his kids and Willow. "Last night, the board took a vote. ELQ bought out your shares and the board decided you're no longer a part of it. So if I were you, I'd get out of here while you can still move."

"Are you threatening me, Mr. Corinthos?" Cyrus asks, amused. "That won't fly with anyone, really."

"You made a mistake, underestimating him," Willow chimes in. "I'd leave pretty quickly if I were you. After all, we know you're going back to Pentonville, where I look forward to you rotting in a prison cell until you die a slow, painful death."

"Ms. Tait-"

"It's Mrs. Corinthos, actually," she says, glaring at him while showing her engagement and wedding rings. "Because, you see, I love Michael and he loves me. That's what these beautiful rings mean. Something I doubt you'll ever be able to experience. Then again, maybe prisoners like knowing that their fellow prisoner is a kidnapper and rapist. Maybe not. I guess you'll find out."

"I have no reason to leave," Cyrus answers a non-existent question. "There's no need for me to. I just wanted to check on Carly. I do hope I can call you that, Mrs. Corinthos?"

"No," she answers, voice weak and tears still streaming down her face. "Please, leave. You know what you did to me. So do the cops, so does everyone else in this room. Enjoy your last few weeks of freedom if you insist, but otherwise, Cyrus, get the hell out of my room."

When he still refuses to move, Jason presses the "call" button near Carly's bed and Epiphany enters the room. "Mr. Renault. Unless you need medical attention, get out of this hospital."

"Nurse Johnson," he greets. "Nice to see you."

"Security!" Epiphany shouts instead of answering his greeting. "Cyrus is in 3115!"

A few moments later, a security guard enters and escorts Cyrus out, much to the man's protests. "I'm not doing anything wrong by visiting a friend!"

Epiphany casts a glance towards Carly, "You want a sedative or something?"

"No, thanks," the blonde responds, noticing her grandkids are in the room and breaking into a fake smile. "Hey Wiley, Ophelia! Did you two have fun playing with Donna and Avery yesterday?"

"Grandma, why are you crying?" Wiley asks. "And why aren't you at home?"

"I got a really bad booboo and so I'm stuck in here for a little while. Don't worry, bud, I'll be out of here and playing with you two again as soon as I can. Maybe we'll go get some ice cream to celebrate when I get out, how's that sound?" Carly asks her grandson, simplifying it greatly.

"Yay! Ice cream!" Wiley cheers while his sister just smiles.

"Hey, Mr. Wiley, I think you have to get to school," Michael says after glancing at his watch.

"But I want to help Grandma's boo-boos feel better!" He protests.

"Grandma needs her rest, Wiley. Tell you what, maybe your dad will take you here after school and you can tell her all about your day. How's that sound?" Jason offers, compromising.

"Will you make sure she gets her rest, Jason?" Wiley asks and they laugh at the young boy's concern.

"Yes, I will. But you've got to get off to school first."

"Okay. Bye bye, Grandma and Jason! I'll be back after school."

He waves as Michael takes him out of there, Ophelia still with Willow. "Ophelia, do you wanna say bye to her? Say bye bye," Willow urges, smiling.

Silence follows that. "She's being rude, sorry about that," she jokes before bringing her out to join Michael and Wiley in the car.

As soon as the door closes behind Willow, the silent tears multiply and Carly's loudly sobbing. "How did he get out, Jason? They promised me he'd go to jail, that he'd never see the light of day again. I know it's the PCPD, but they made a promise to me! And now he's walking around town, free to see me and make me feel like I'm back in that room and he's about to-" she trails off at one point, sobs overtaking her vocal cords.

"I don't know. I'm calling Diane; this isn't making any sense."

"No need to call, Jason. I'm right here. Heard Cyrus got let out?"

"He paid a visit to us, actually, only a few minutes ago," Carly says, abruptly ending her sobs.

"Well, the DA is going to take this case. Which means Robert Scorpio is your lawyer. I'm going to be assisting him, however, and I expect that Cyrus will be put away rather quickly. If he doesn't plead guilty, than you'll go to trial. His arraignment is happening tomorrow and he's out on bail until then. After that, he will be sent to Pentonville to either await trial or start serving his sentence," Diane summarizes quickly. "Carly, when are you expected to get out of here?"

"In a couple of days, but I think they'd let me out for a court date."

"You're not leaving until the doctor's deem it safe," Jason counters quickly. "If you can't go to the arraignment, I will. I'll tell you exactly what happened."

"Well if the doctors say I can go to court-"

"Look. I'll talk to the nurses and figure out what's going on here. You two can fight about this later. In the meantime, you need to be prepared for the possibility he'll plead not guilty and take this to trial." Diane interjects. "Robert will be by later today to discuss this with you."

"If he pleads not guilty and we go to trial, how fast can we get one?" Jason asks.

"A couple of weeks, probably. Which means keeping a low profile. No business talk, no crazy ideas. Just a coffee importer and a victim of what Cyrus did to you," Diane warns. "You two don't exactly have the best reputation."

"Hey, I'm a respectable businesswoman and he's a respectable businessman. We'll be fine," Carly smiles and Diane cocks an eyebrow at Jason.

"We won't do anything stupid."

"Good. I'm going to go talk to the nurses. Carly, rest up. We'll want you at court tomorrow." Diane says before leaving, her heels clacking along the tile.

"Don't tell me you want me to stay in the hospital," Carly says, starting up that argument again.

"I don't. But if it's the best way for you to heal-"

"It's not. I'm already bored to death and, as much as I enjoy your company, I want to be at home. Or at work. Back to running the world, you know? Not cooped up in this hospital bed, screaming every few hours because I feel like I'm back in that room above Jake's, which used to be such a fun spot but now it makes me want to die inside, thinking about it. Thinking about what he did, it taints almost all of our memories there and I think that's the worst part of it," the blonde admits, smiling through her tears.

"I can think, you know, about how we got our start, and when I focus on just you, it makes it all seem so much easier. When I don't, and I let my mind wander, somehow I end up thinking about what Cyrus did. I can't even indulge in nostalgia without thinking about him, Jason. The physical, yeah I'm sore but I'll be fine. Eventually, I won't have any physical mark of it. But the emotional one, what if it never goes away? What if whenever I think of us, and that little room, I always end up thinking about Cyrus? What then?"

"Then you'll just have to think of our other memories. At the penthouse, at any of your houses, with Michael, at the hospital, any of the years worth of other memories," he offers. "They're not our only good memories, Carly. They're just a few."

"My boy on the side, remember?" She asks and they laugh. "Robin couldn't find out and neither could Tony."

"Yeah," he smiles. "We were determined to never speak to each other outside of the bar and that room. It was pretty much our only rule."

"I never did like following rules."

"Not even the ones you came up with."

"Well, if I'd followed the rules, then you wouldn't know me nearly as well and you'd be leading a sad life without me in it. You wouldn't have nearly as much fun without me," she says confidently.

"I'd also have way less headaches."

"And be dead by now."

"Yeah, probably."

"I think I've earned a thank you."

"Thank you, Carly."

"You're welcome." Smiling, she realizes something. "Hey, I just realized that you didn't kiss me that nightmare."

"Did you really want me to kiss you in front of Cyrus?" He asks.

"It would've drove him nuts."

"Yeah, well Michael, Willow, and your grandkids were in here too. Michael's already barely not killing us for having sex, I don't feel like testing that."

"No one's here now."

"Is that your way of telling me to-" he gets cut off by the feeling of her kissing him.

They pull apart a few moments later, Carly having a satisfied smile on her face. "So, how long does this whole kissing me every time I have a nightmare thing last?"

"Until we decide to stop it," he answers simply, refusing to label whatever the hell is going on here. At least, none of that until she's more recovered from this, maybe when Cyrus is behind bars.

To be continued after I actually do school because fuck the education system

@ryleighjosephine i dont know what the song is sorry