#When Adversity Causes You to Forget Your Faith
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Random Astrology Thoughts #Dos
People with natal Mercury retrograde handle Mercury retrograde transits a lot better than those with Mercury direct. It's an energy they are of course already very use to. While the rest of us are loosing our minds dealing with crappy technology, cars breaking down, issues with travel, communicating, forgetting things, making plans that get thwarted or drastically change. Mercury retrograde people are like...meh.
Mars in your chart is how you get shit done. Your method to solving problems when they arise. What pisses you off, but also how you piss other people off. Mars in Aries is the action hero, they will take the lead first, jumping straight in, no thinking. "Let's handle this now!". Other's could get pissed at Aries hot headed-ness and lack of strategy, while Aries will be angry at the passivity. Speaking of passivity, Mars in Libra would prefer to skate around the problem trying to avoid it hoping it will just go away. They will be pissed at there being a problem in the first place, especially if they get confronted about it. Others will be angry at Libra's lack of urgency and avoidance to resolving the conflict. Mars in Scorpio is the "Ninja of the Night". Unlike their other Mars ruled cousin, they move in strategic and very silent ways. Scorpio Mars will be upset when others pry into their business, or discover their business and blab about it to others without their consent or ability to control the situation. Other's will presume Scorpio as sneaky and this could anger and even at times cause fear due to the mysterious movements.
7th house transits have less to do with you and more about the other people you have significant relationships with in your life. This is because the 1st house is literally you, and your life while the 7th is other people. 7th house transits may or may not have a major effect on your life. Jupiter transiting your 7th can mean abundance, blessings, wealth, higher learning, or travel plans coming to someone you are close to. You may find you have more options in terms of partners, as you may come across lot more people who may find themselves interested in you. Mercury transit someone you know may be learning a new skill, become more communicative, starting a blog or writing project, networking more. You may find people are more talkative around you. Sun transit, someone maybe achieving a goal, setting a new goal, thinking more of themselves during this time. You may meet people who are very expressive, seem to have big egos or are very goal driven during this month transit.
Chiron shows you what triggers you the most. Your biggest wounds and insecurities. These are also wounds you can help yourself heal from by helping others do the same. Chiron in the 3rd can become a "Voice for the Voiceless", encouraging people to speak up and voice their opinions without shame. Chiron in the 1st can become an advocate for people being and loving themselves and expressing their truest self unapologetically. Chiron in the 4th can become a healer of the home and family life. Helping others find their roots, or repair relations to their primary care givers or even children.
Planets in your first house will take over that house, and you will completely embody them. That planet becomes what you strongly identify as. Mercury in the first you identify with your intellectual/communicative nature, your ability to think for yourself and about yourself first, your cleverness, your strong opinions. Uranus in the first you identify with your oddness, spontaneous, and rebellious and sometimes chaotic nature. Jupiter in the first you identify with your optimism, your faith, open mindedness, jolly and freedom loving nature. Pluto in the first you identify with your inner power, inner strength, sexiness, mysteriousness, your pain/traumas, your ability to comeback stronger from any adversity.
#astrology#mars astrology#chiron in the 1st house#chiron astrology#pluto astrology#mercury astrology#mercury retrograde#mercury rx#7th house#astrology transits#uranus astrology#jupiter astrology
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Captain Lily Part 1
There was a girl named Lily.
She was known for her infectious laughter
and friendly nature, always surrounded by a group of friends.
Lily believed that her friends were genuine and kind, never suspecting that they would betray her trust.
One day, Lily stumbled upon a conversation where her so-called friends were mocking her appearance and speaking ill of her behind her back. The realization hit her like a tidal wave, and she felt a deep sense of regret for ever believing in their friendship.
She blamed herself for being naive and selfish, thinking only of their perspective.
As time went on, Lily began to change.
The once innocent and carefree girl started
to build walls around her heart,She withdrew from her friends, focusing on her own personal growth and goals.
Lily made the decision to take a
break from school, giving herself time to heal and reflect on the mistakes she had made.
She confronted her own shortcomings and realized that she had allowed others to define her worth. It was a harsh awakening, and she resolved to never let anyone have that power over her again.
When Lily returned to school after her hiatus, she was a changed person. Her once warm and friendly demeanor had been replaced by a cold and distant aura.
She no longer sought the company of others,
choosing instead to focus on her own ambition.
The transformation was palpable, and
her classmates could sense the darkness that
enveloped her.Lily carried this newfound persona with her into college, where she continued to excel academically.
Her dream of becoming a respected military officer burned brightly within her, and she poured all her energy into achieving that goal.She applied to join
the military and,to her delight, was selected.
And so, Lily embarked on her path as a respected military officer,carrying with her the scars of her past but also the strength that came from overcoming adversity.
She had transformed from an
innocent girl into a resilient woman,
ready to face any challenge that came her way.
After soo much hustle and hard training
she become a captain and start leading after some time she become world famous women officer who is brave and intelligent to overcome anything she called "LEADER OF LEADERS" in all the world
Wherever she goes everyone respect her love her she has an cold , but kind and good person era she is a nightmare for the criminals they even afraid of her name.
PRESENT TIME
IN PRESS CONFERENCE
"Captain Lily What do you think who is involve in this recent crimes?"
"Captain Lily who can be this people that are causing trouble in presence of you?,since
you become the leader no one dare to cause any trouble but now once again someone dare to do it."
Captain Lily:"Calm down! I"ll not let them go just wait and watch,I am working on it"
Reporters :"As you say Captain we have faith on you"
Captain Lily Smile and says: "I am glad that you all have faith on me,I will definitely put them behind the bars,Just one thing I request from you all to be patient."
Captain Lily further says : "Judging from your all faces you all are probably scared,listen to me carefully don't you all forget that you all have my Office contact
number you can call it on anytime your call won't be go unheard Understood!"
"Don't you all worry I will caught them soon"
They all unitedly says :"Yes! captain Lily
we believe in you Good luck for this mission!!"
CONFERENCE OVER
Late at night ,Captain Lily was checking files and then she received an anonymous call
ON CALL
Captain Lily :"Hello! How can I help you" in her deep voice
The caller :How is your work going on recent case.? Are you having difficulties?That's why you r still in your office late at night.?He laughs mysteriously and before
lily say anyting he hangs up
Captain Lily:"Who he was?,let's leave it for now,I will further study this case after
taking a fresh break when I will reach home."
AT HOME
She enter in house welcome by her mother
sitting on a couch watching TV
lily asks :"Mama! You r still up"
Lily's mother: "I was waiting for you ,I always tell you to cover your work early and come home how many enemies you have lily, I know you r very strong but...
Lily says: "Mama Mama my
sweet mama sorry for making you feel worried but you don't have to worry a little a litttleee about me no one can do anything to me,don't you know how smart your daughter is"lily wink at her mom while giggling her mom also laughs
Lily's mother:"Hahaha I should record your video everone says you r emotionaless"
Lily :"That version is only for you all"
with a serious tone
Lily's mother:"ohhh come come have some food Captain Lily, everyone says that you don't eat nor sleep"says while laughing
Lily :"Mama stop teasing "
They both laughs
Lily:Btw others are sleeping?
Mother: "They all did dinner early,so they went to bed but you know your siblings,do this type of creatures sleep early?"
Lily:Definitely not!!😆
After taking a cold shower lily again sit
to study about this recent fuss
she remind of that anonymous call.
Lily:"No one could ever dare to talk to me like that who was he talking to me like that.
I should give this number to her.
She will find a way to track it No matter
how much it is protected."
At call
Lily : Hey Sophia! I have a work for you
track this number I just send you ,I want details about this number until 3pm tomorrow it's urgent!!
Sophia :"Ok Captain I will try my best"
Lily :"Best of Luck"
CALL END
Lily :"I know my six sense is not lying this call must be related to this case ,the similar thing is in both are daring
1.The caller, he dare to talk to me straight
2. The people who are making fuss even knowing that
what I did with the previous ones.
I THINK THEY DONT LOVE THEIR LIVES!!!
Behind their these Fearless activities there is someone that gives them strength to do it
I think He/She really thinks that they are
enough smarter than me.OK, LET'S SEE WHO IS SMARTER THAN WHOM!!!
GOOD NIGHT 🌃
"One more special thing about Lily
she wears a black mask which she
doesn't took off only closest one has seen lily's face."
TO BE CONTINUED
let's see what information Sophia
Will bring in next part!!
LIKE SHARE
© By Kanwal
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* 𝒒𝒖𝒐𝒕𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒑𝒕. 35
change however necessary.
“Betrayal is the only truth that sticks.”
“Anyone who hasn’t experienced the ecstasy of betrayal knows nothing about ecstasy at all.”
“A woman’s best love letters are always written to the man she is betraying.”
“All men should have a drop of treason in their veins, if nations are not to go soft like so many sleepy pears.”
“If I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend, I hope I should have the guts to betray my country.”
“In politics, it is necessary either to betray one’s country or the electorate. I prefer to betray the electorate.”
“Corporations cannot commit treason, or be outlawed or excommunicated, for they have no souls.”
“The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.”
“Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does.”
“The wonder is that we can see these trees and not wonder more.”
“The clearest way into the universe is through a forest wilderness.”
“For in the true nature of things, if we rightly consider, every green tree is far more glorious than if it were made of gold or silver.”
“As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree’—probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.”
“Trees are poems that earth writes upon the sky, we fell them down and turn them into paper, that we may record our emptiness.”
“Trees are much like human beings and enjoy each other’s company. Only a few love to be alone.”
“Trees cause more pollution than automobiles.”
“The tree which moves some to tears of joy is in the eyes of others only a green thing which stands in the way. As a man is, so he sees.”
“The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, the second best time is now.”
“The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn.”
“The planting of trees is the least self-centered of all that we can do. It is a purer act of faith than the procreation of children.”
“When eating a fruit, think of the person who planted the tree.”
“The axe forgets what the tree remembers.”
“No tree falls on the first stroke.”
“When a tree is falling, everyone cries, down with it!”
“When the big tree falls, the goat eats its leaves.”
“From a fallen tree, all make kindling.”
“When the axe came into the forest the trees all said, ‘Well, at least the handle is one of us.’”
“In a moment the ashes are made, but the forest is a long time growing.”
“Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names streets after them.”
“I like trees because they seem more resigned to the way they have to live than other things to do.”
“Nobody, as long as moves about among the chaotic currents of life, is without trouble.”
“If you will call your troubles experiences, and remember that everybody experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be.”
“She would take any amount of trouble to avoid trouble.”
“That’s what stoicism is: the avoidance of bother when bother’s the other option.”
“Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him and to let him know that you trust him.”
“Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.”
“Never trust a man who speaks well of everybody.”
“Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea-cozy, doesn’t try it on.”
“Nothing is too wonderful to be true.”
“The Truth shall make you free.”
“Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.”
“There is nothing more likely to drive a man mad than an obstinate, constitutional preference for the true to the agreeable.”
“Truth is for the minority.”
“Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.”
“There are no whole truths; all truths are half-truths. It is trying to treat them as whole truths that plays the devil.”
“Truth is eternal, knowledge is changeable. It is a disastrous to confuse them.”
“One must explore deep and believe the incredible to find the new particles of truth floating in an ocean of insignificance.”
“As scarce as the truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.”
“The exact contrary of what is generally believed is often the truth.”
“In war, Truth is the first casualty.”
“Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods.”
“No man is likely to have arrived at complete and final truth on any subject whatsoever.”
“Truth always originates in a minority of one, and every custom begins as a broken precedent.”
“The high-minded man must care more for the truth than for what people think.”
“Truth is the daughter of search.”
“Truth is a woman. One must not use force with her.”
“The smallest atom of truth represents some man’s bitter toil and agony. For every ponderable chunk of it there is a brave truth-seeker’s grave upon some lonely ash-dump of a soul roasting in hell.”
“No pleasure is comparable to the standing upon the vantage-ground of truth.”
“None attains to the Degree of Truth until a thousand honest people have testified that he is a heretic.”
“Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of men of old; seek what they sought.”
“There is nothing so powerful as truth—and often nothing so strange.”
“Why shouldn’t truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.”
“There is no a priori reason for supposing that the truth, when it is discovered, will necessarily prove interesting.”
“Give me fruitful error any time, full of seeds, bursting with its own corrections. You can keep your sterile truth for yourself.”
“All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”
“Truth is the daughter of time, not of authority.”
“The terrible thing about the quest for truth is that you find it.”
“Follow not truth too near the heels, lest it dash out thy teeth.”
“Ugliness is in a way superior to beauty because it lasts.”
“Ugliness is a point of view: an ulcer is wonderful to a pathologist.”
“I hate ugliness. You know I’m allergic to ugliness.”
“I never saw an ugly thing in my life.”
“I do not feel I have wisdom enough yet to love what is ugly.”
“There is no such thing as an ugly woman. However, there is such a thing as not enough vodka.”
“I am a lone monk walking the world with a leaky umbrella.”
“All men are equal—all men, that is to say, who possess umbrellas.”
“He was so benevolent, so merciful a man that, in his mistaken passion, he would have held an umbrella over a duck in a shower of rain.”
“My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.”
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
“All those who do not understand will be damned.”
“The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.”
“The hardest thing to understand is why we can understand anything at all.”
“If one is master of one thing and understands one thing well, one has insight into and understanding of many things.”
“When I have clarified and exhausted a subject, then I turn away from it, in order to go into darkness again.”
“Only one man ever understood me, and he didn’t understand me.”
“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
“If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.”
“Why does the universe go to all the bother of existing?”
“The effort to understand the universe is one of the very few things that lifts human life a little above the level of farce, and gives it some of the grace of tragedy.”
“Every grain of sand, every tip of a leaf, even an atom, contains the entire universe. Conversely, the universe can be perceived as the tip of a leaf.”
“Not I but the world says it: All is one.”
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PLAYLIST | SLATE & CRESS (♥️)
A playlist for the heiress and the orphan -- the darling and the rebel, both too ambitious for their own good. For sparring on and off the mat, sharing cigarettes on the roof, playing dangerous games to spread terrible truths. For the things that cannot be said and the actions that cannot be undone. Music that asks can love overcome adversity? Can it cross a country, cultures, class divides? Can it survive a war?
@slate-skylar & @cress-meadowforge
Sorry by Nothing But Thieves
Maybe I'm defective
Or maybe I'm dumb
I'm sorry, so sorry for what I've done
Maybe I'm bad natured
Or maybe I'm young
We Go Down Together by Dove Cameron & Khalid
If you go down, then we go down together
If you hold on, I might just stay forever
If you get hurt, I'll try to make it better
The News by Paramore
Every second, our collective heart breaks
All together, every single head shakes
Shut your eyes, but it won't go away
Witchcraft by Vian Izak
Those fingers in my hair
That sly come-hither stare
That strips my conscience bare
It's witchcraft
Little Hell by City and Colour
What if I can't be all that you need me to be?
We've got a good thing going, we have some promises to keep.
The Ways by Khalid and Swae Lee
Pick me up when I fall down and out
Dust me off and show me all truth
Show me that I'll never fly alone
I fucked up so many times, but I still have you
Lovers by Anna of the North
Now I'm in the dark
Show a little loving
Shine a little light on me
Plastic 100°C by Sampha
The more you speak, the more I see
The more your lights grows upon me
And the more it grows, the closer I think you are, the closer I think you are
To seeing me whole
Fuel to Fire by Agnes Obel
Into the town we go
Into your hideaway
Where the towers grow
Gone to be faraway
Liar by Paramore
Wading through the fog and then it disappeared
Naked when I'm here
And why should I deny what's all at once so crystal clear?
if you got a problem by Joy Oladokun
Everybody needs somethin' to believe
If you want you can always put your faith in me
Poison by Joy Oladokun
So do, do you love me?
'Cause I don't wanna hear it
It will only make things worse
You are so lovely
Like a dagger dripped in jewelry
The closer you get to my heart, the more it hurts
Call Me Lover by Sam Fender
We will break under circumstance in the heat of it all
Can you take all the pressure that is left behind?
Francesca by Hozier
Do you think I'd give up
That this might've shook the love from me
Or that I was on the brink?
How could you think, darling, I'd scare so easily?
Dancing After Death by Matt Maeson
Do I know better than this?
You're a word that I can't forget
Though the thought rattles my brain
Will you fold, or will you remain?
If We Were Vampires by Noah Kahan and Wesley Schultz
It's not your hands searching slow in the dark
Or your nails leaving love's watermark
It's not the way you talk me off the roof
Your questions like directions to the truth
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Cherik fluff/hurt?
Hi@stardustednerd. I am so so terribly sorry for the time this took me. I have accumulated a pretty good list of fics that contain both fluff and hurt. I must say that this fandom does enjoy the angst/hurt part of cherik, there is a lot of hurt/comfort but a bit less of fluff/hurt. I also want to add that this fandom also seems to enjoy Hurt! Charles so you can expect plenty of those in this list. If you like hurt and fluff I highly suggest that you check out luninosity's cherik fics.
Cherik Fluff/Hurt fic recs
You’re Not Doing This Alone – flightinflame, Lynds
Summary: What's meant to be a simple recruitment mission leads to both Erik and Charles being de-aged back to thirteen years old. Terrified and out of their depth, the boys try to hide their situation and help each other until they can work out what is going on.
Long Time No See – InkEros (thacmis)
Summary: The new kid in class is someone from Erik's dark, dark past. Charles Xavier, for some reason or another, keeps following Erik around, trying to talk to him like a man on a mission. He's someone Erik never wanted or expected to see, ever again.
Or... doesn't he?
Promise me, promise me – awriting_ghost
Summary: Based on the prompt: "Oh now I want fic where somehow Erik is there when the serum starts wearing off, and he panics because what’s happening to Charles, and he watches him break down, he finally understands."
Anchor Me – brilliantdreams
Summary: Charles is awake in the kitchen having telepathy troubles when Erik finds him. Cuddling ensues.
With Your Kindness – helens78
Summary: Cerebro takes a lot out of Charles; a warm bath complete with washing his hair feels like the least Erik can do, but if it's all he can offer, he will.
Cotton Walls – walrusface
Summary: In large crowds, Charles finds it difficult to control his telepathy. While they're on their recruitment road trip, Erik tries to help.
Stubborn is as Stubborn Does – WaxRhapsodic
Summary: Charles works himself until he collapses! Erik is not pleased.
The Color of Love (Character Swap Remix) – BadLuckBlueEyes
Summary: Nobody sees in color until they meet their soulmates. When your soulmate dies, your vision returns to black and white. What happens when your soulmate only dies for a few minutes?
Let your anger anchor you (your peace will bring me home) – anthora09
Summary: Charles takes an unnecessary risk and winds up in the infirmary.
Erik is not happy. (His exact words are "I told you so.")
Accidents Will Happen – pocky_slash
Summary: In which Charles is in an accident, Erik relives some terrible memories, and the hospital staff is very indulgent. Part of ‘the Daycare’ verse.
The Beats Of My Heart That I Gave You – luninosity
Summary: Early days at the mansion, fluff, hurt/comfort, Erik building bookshelves for Charles, first-time I-love-you moments, happy endings.
Ambulance Angel – kageillusionz
Summary: Erik Lehnsherr, senior paramedic, and winner of the Sexiest London Paramedic Award for three years in a row, has an epiphany as he speeds towards Royal London Hospital. An epiphany that may or may not concern Doctor Charles Xavier M.D and emergency consultant at the Royal London Hospital.
Waking up inside a dream – soetry
Summary: A tear ran down Charles's cheek, and then he choked out, tone desperate, “I can make you forget this. Nothing has to change.”
Erik stood and left the room.
Gin and Tonic – JackyJango
Summary: Charles takes a deep breath to steal himself and nearly collapses on the floor out of the sheer pain the motion tugs out of his bruised ribs and stomach. Tears crowd his eyes, and even that, causes his left cheek to throb. He takes another breath despite the pain and leans on the counter for support. He feels lightheaded and dizzy. The tears threaten to surpass the barrier of his eyes and flow down his cheeks. No, he won’t cry. He can’t; because he doesn’t think he’d stop once he starts. Besides, crying will only empower Kurt further. He can’t let the man break him in every way possible.
Just as he’s about to open the tap to splash water over his eyes, the door to the bathroom bursts open and Erik enters through it.
Shit. What is Erik doing here? Shouldn’t he be in a lecture? Even if he wanted to just use the urinals, there’s already a toilet on their floor. He needn’t have walked across the campus to use the one specifically Charles is in. But before Charles could voice any of those thoughts, Erik asks in a voice as hard as steel, ‘What happened to your face?’
When Sorrows Come – jekyll_inside
Summary: "The best teachers are the ones that have overcome adversity, Charles, not the ones who have never experienced it."
(Erik stays with Charles and the others to help rebuild the school, but Charles has lost faith in himself.)
The Properties of Pineapple – garrideb
Summary: Pineapple is Charles's favorite food, but he won't eat it when he's unhappy. This doesn't make sense to Erik; it's the opposite of how comfort food is supposed to work. But questions are answered when Erik discovers a secret Charles has been keeping, forcing them to face their clash of ideals once more.
Not Yet – GenuineSnoof
Summary: "Do you know who I am?"
"No," Charles said. "You... know me?"
"Yes. Your name is Charles. I'm Erik."
"Charles."
"Yes. Charles Xavier. What the hell happened? How did you get here?"
"I woke up," Charles said. "And I... left."
Honest Bone and Burning Thought – Black_Betty
Summary: And so sometimes, his mind buzzing away, bright and brilliant and humming with pure expansive energy, Charles speaks without thinking at all. Without censoring himself. Without realizing that his brain has reached out and snatched something that was never his to know, or take...
For these two men – novera_nope
Summary: When Erik has a panic attack on the plane, even an emotionally stunted man as Logan realizes the nature of the relationship between Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr.
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💌Lyrics that remind me of specific placements/aspects💌
I love music and the title is pretty straight-forward, so let's just get into it
Sun - Pluto
"The past can't haunt me if I don't let it
Live and learn and never forget it
Whoa, gotta learn to let it go"
Learn to Let Go - Kesha
Kesha is my favorite go to for Sun-Pluto aspects, as she has sun trine pluto herself (love that for her,,,,) and when you look beyond all of her party anthems you can find A Lot of songs that show signs of strong faith, perseverance, and sort of if someone had some down to drop a big revelation on someone to help them begin a transformation, because that's what this aspect does for people if it's a tight aspect. Sun-Pluto natives are found to experience intense emotions, or see themselves as the source of everything that goes wrong in their lives. They have to handed many short sticks and experience many upheavals before they can feel the pay-off. Pluto teaches the Sun how to use it's power and fight through adversity, channel it and keep walking even though they've been stabbed numerous times. The Sun in turn can take that edge that Pluto draw's people in with, and use it to it's advantage (read that as: charm). The native will have influence over others, can be very talented in regards to the house & sign/element and people will be attracted to them but might not be able to put their finger on as to why (and the native might not even be able to either). Depending on the aspect, the native will find that either a certain talent or influencing people comes very easy to them, or others feel can feel uncomfortable around them. Either way, they will experience at least a decent period in their life where they will experience that extreme hardship that will end up enlightening them in some way. Other songs that can fit this aspect:
"Everybody stands, as she goes by
'Cause they can see the flame that's in her eyes"
Girl on Fire - Alicia Keys
"It burns for a moment but
But then it numbs you
Takes you and leaves you just
Caught in the grey"
The Grey - Icon for Hire
"I go to the mountains
I go to the mountains in my soul"
Mountains - Saint PHNX
Aquarius Venus, Uranus in 5th / 12th House
"Uhh, I am a creator
I'ma be your mood board sometime later
Uhh, if you are a hater
It is not to your bad taste I will cater"
WTF - JbDubs
I could say if you're heavily influenced by Aquarius or Uranus then you will relate to these, but I wanted to focus on the artistic side instead of just standing out period, but picking placements for this was kind of hard. When this energy touches the native's creative side, it makes them very open to possibilities and they have a stronger tendency to think out of the box--or at least come up with ideas that people might overlook. In normal Aquarian style, regardless of whatever trend is going on in the art/fashion/writing/etc world, the native will ignore it if they aren't feeling inspired and do their own thing. It's not that they think they're superior (most of the time) , but why chase after a trend when you aren't drawn to it and you want to create something of your own instead? It's that sense of accomplishment you get when you create something from scratch that Uranus influenced people might subconsciously be chasing, but also they get bored easily of seeing the same thing after the third time. A little risk never hurt anyone <3 that's how the art world expands anyway. These natives are more likely to try hobbies that are unheard of, put a spin on popular ones, or start new trends that might not be picked up until 1-2 years later. Their curiosity and stubbornness is what gives them the title of 'mad genius'. While they know what they like and dislike, they're always willing to try things and that haughty attitude is usually only given to people who have a closed off mind. Venus in Aquarius and Uranus in 5th will be more direct and open about these qualities while Uranus in the 12th may shy away from attention and be more comfortable with doing these things in the background, but all placements will make sure that no one is ridiculed for their quirks or how they approach a situation. Other songs that can fit these placements:
"Don't keep puttin' us down
No messin' around
We're standin' our ground"
Misfit - thebandwithnoname
"Life's too hard, fuck being cool, we make the rules
So, let's just be bold, let's just get old and eat Haribo"
Squares - Raleigh Ritchie
"If our shit's so bad, why's your sister tryna fuck us?
You'll be at the same job while the aliens abduct us
Saying, Look at these bad ass stupid motherfuckers"
BASMF - 3OH!3
Venus Opposite / Square Uranus
"You're the only one I confide in
Long as you don't confine me
To the boundaries they try to place on us"
Built That Way - Emotional Oranges
Ah yes, this wonderful aspect. This tends to be very frustrating for the native, but only when it comes to explaining their needs and interacting with others. This aspect can make for very picky natives when it comes to love, in a roundabout way. "I want someone who is head over heels in love with me :( oh but wait I don't want them to be clingy, but like I want to spend time with them. But I want to travel and experience a lot of things you know. I don't want them to be boring. It's okay if they don't wanna do things sometimes though. Actually if they leave me alone most times that's cool because I'll probably ghost them a lot. If they get upset at me ghosting them that's gonna be an issue....-" see what I mean. Natives can be very giving and loving, as they just want a relationship, but Uranus will ad that whiplash effect onto it, so it will be very important for them to find someone who is on the same wavelength as them or has strong communication or at least Very unbothered. Their relationships will be unconventional in some way (ranging from long distance, lgbt, or married but living in separate homes, etc), but you can still feel the love radiating off of them. These elements actually make the relationship stronger as freedom and the space for the native to be themselves will keep it going. The minute they sense that there is some sort of block to that, they will start to become unhappy and either disengage emotionally, fight back, or just break up. These natives are very easy to get along with, but can seem difficult because of the sudden change, and from how we view 'normal relationships'. Due to this, they can sometimes have walls up or take forever to let you in as to save themselves from getting burned from a failed relationship. Other songs that can fit these aspects:
"She said I can't find a thing I don't like about you
And I'm like don't worry, you will
I don't wanna find a reason to doubt you
And I'm like don't worry, you will"
don't worry, you will - lovelytheband
"Too much time together
Is pulling us apart
You say we're forever
But I don't think we'll last if we overdose"
Overdose - Raleigh Ritchie
"Baby, you're my lover
We can go find some others
As long as it's not a secret
We can keep it kinky"
Kinky - Kesha
Mars in 10th House
"And if this doesn't make sense to you, my baby, I
I still wish you the best
I've gotta focus on the moment, ain't no looking back
Got so much love in my chest"
Flourishing - Chungha
This placement makes me think of 'keep your eyes on the prize' if we're being stereotypical. These natives aren't cold or heartless, but their thoughts can get stuck in being very organized and a 'does a get us to b? if it doesn't then let's fix it', so if you catch that happening with an emotional situation just nudge them a bit and they'll catch themselves. Yes, they make great leaders due to the fact that they are organized, efficient, and practical, but there's another piece to this as well. Natives tend to be determined to accomplish their goal (big or small), and tend to have an uncanny ability to sweep people up in the process and get them rallied behind them due to the energy they possess themselves. Think of how protagonists always somehow have everyone follow them into Clearly dangerous and risky missions and they get asked why, and their response is always Never worth what's happening to them or they just go "idk just something about them" ??? That can be the effect that Mars in 10th has sometimes. It depends on the sign combination, but because people see their sheer determination to accomplish their goal, people might want to join in to be apart of something (it's just a sense of community thing). It's also just very inspirational to see someone achieve their dream from sheer passion. And idk something about that whole 'business exec leader' aesthetic people find sexy or something, don't ask me im ace. Can I say though, their humor??? Perfection. Other songs that can fit this placement:
"I took some time to live my life
But don't think I'm just his little wife
Don't get it twisted, get it twisted
This my shit, bow down, bitches"
Flawless - Beyonce
"And I can't stop 'til the whole world knows my name
Cause I was only born inside my dreams"
Centuries - Fall Out Boy
"I buy my own things, I pay my own bills
These diamond rings, my automobiles
Everything I got, I bought it"
Woman - Kesha
✏️ and that's it for this post! I was going to add one more aspect but it's a heavy one and I kept staring it without moving and eventually felt uneasy so I think I'll save that for next time haha. Hope this was fun to read through 💖💖!
#my brain: how many kesha lyrics can I put in here#I have a lot of high confidence / go fuck yourself songs so you can guess what will be in the next post#astrology#trying to not give earth placements their own post but i might fuck around and do that next time#edit: look at all these messes and typos how sexy of me#mygalaxypost#astrolyrics
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What is your top three favorite Frozen characters and why? 😊❄️💠💙
Glad someone has finally asked me!
Elsa - I have said before in an ask and in my essay “Heroine Addiction” that the main reason why Elsa is my favorite Frozen character is because I relate to her very well. We have the same personalities as intelligent, analytical, shy, realistic, reserved introverts, and we both have struggled with turmoil in our lives that has caused us to suffer from anxiety, depression, pessimism, and insecurity, sometimes to the point of giving up completely and feeling like hitting rock bottom. Although Meg and Belle are the other two heroines I feel I am like the most, I honestly cannot think of having seriously related to any other preexisting Disney characters before Elsa, so I have essentially found a kindred spirit in her. 😉😊❤️
Despite the turbulence she has endured from her traumatic childhood, through it all, Elsa is always portrayed as an extremely selfless, sacrificial, loving, benevolent person. In the beginning, she carries such a huge burden on her shoulders by having magical powers that no one can really help her master and making her unable to relate to other people. Yet Elsa continuously looks out for everyone else, be it her family, friends, the people in her kingdom, and even innocent strangers, by putting their needs and well-being before her own. I just love Elsa so much for being that way, and I will defend her to the end when people call her selfish and cold, and especially when they say she tried to murder the Duke’s bodyguards in cold blood!
Olaf - I love Olaf because of his excessive benevolence. Since he is the living embodiment of Anna and Elsa’s bond, Olaf embodies love, the ultimate and purest form of goodness. As a result, he has almost every kind of positive trait you can name: he is cheerful, loving, optimistic, gentle, kind, loyal, friendly, sweet, sympathetic, compassionate, and caring to anyone and everyone he meets. Despite his quirks and what flaws he does have, Olaf is essentially devoid of most typical negative traits humans possess. This may be because he has the mindset, including general innocence and naïveté, of a young child, since Elsa and Anna created him when they were children. Like I joked recently, Olaf is so benevolent that he doesn’t have a single bad or mean bone in his body. 😆
Among other things, Olaf is an incredibly funny character, and even his silly giggle never fails to make me laugh. 😉 However, in being the embodiment of the sisters’ love for one another, Olaf’s role in Frozen is far greater than that of the conventional sidekick or comic relief character. Sure, he is there to provide laughs sometimes (a clue to this is that his name phonetically sounds like “oh laugh”), but unlike most Disney sidekicks, he has a bigger purpose in the film than to simply make audiences laugh. Heck, don’t forget that Olaf came to Anna’s rescue by starting a fire before she could completely freeze to death after Hans had locked her in the library. He then comforted her and refused to leave her side, determined to help her find another true love act to save her (even though he knew doing so would make him melt). And finally, Olaf was the one who taught Anna what love really is.
Earlier, Olaf makes the comment, “I like to consider myself a love expert,” and while that initially seems like a joke or mere wisecrack on his part, he proves these words to be true. He correctly tells Anna that “Love is putting someone else’s needs before yours”, and he proves his love for her by staying by her side, even when he begins to melt, and simply says, “Some people are worth melting for.” These words help Anna understand that when you love someone so much, they are so important to you that they worth dying for. Ultimately, Olaf’s words and action are what motivate and inspire Anna to give her life to save Elsa when Hans attempts to murder her sister.
While some viewers and fans may find him annoying, I love Olaf and find him entirely endearing. I know I would love to have him as my best friend, and I would LOVE to give him a big warm hug! 😊❤️
Anna - As an introvert, I am so much like Elsa and almost nothing like Anna, the extrovert, so I think it makes it easier for me to side more with Elsa’s choices and actions over those of Anna, such as when Elsa forces Anna away after the latter stubbornly refuses to accept the former’s decision that they both cannot go to Ahtohallan. However, the main reason I love Anna is similar to why I love Cinderella: she has so much inner strength that allows her to never let the bad bring her down for long or forever. Whenever she faces adversity and negativity, including when she grows up feeling rejected by Elsa, Anna never gives up. She may be the younger sister, but she always looks out for Elsa and is very protective of her, even when they aren’t physically together. Anna’s inner strength allows her to remain kind, loving, loyal, faithful, selfless, optimistic, and hopeful throughout all hardships, and that is EXTREMELY difficult for many people to do when they face more bad things than good in life (like me 😔).
Anna’s optimistic nature makes her complement the realistic nature of both Kristoff and Elsa, and so she brings out the best in them, with Kristoff as her romantic partner and Elsa as her best friend. Since I am a lot like Elsa, and even quite a bit like Kristoff since he is also an introvert, I know an optimist like Anna would be the perfect match for me. 😉
I feel that Olaf would be the perfect best friend of all, but given that he shares a lot of personality traits with Anna, she qualifies as being a perfect best friend, too, especially for introverts like me, Elsa, and Kristoff. 😁😄😉
#Frozen analyses#Disney#Disney Frozen#Frozen#Anna#Elsa#Olaf#favorite characters#favorite character#characters#character#reasons#explanations#karma26#submission#my stuff#mine
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WIP Whenever
Thank you @dungeons-and-dragon-age for the tag! You got me at a good time because I got goodies~! >:D
Taking a break and playing Inquisition got the inspiration flowing again! So, I have some Solas and Mhairi bonding time! :D
I encountered the Dalish clan in the Exalted Plains, and this is what was born of it:
---
“Da’len,” Solas approached where Mhairi was sitting on the log by the fire, arms at his sides and brow furrowed with subconscious concern. “...have you seen Fane by chance?”
He was beginning to get worried. For the more he searched the Dalish encampment, as small as it was here, along the creek of Halin’sulahn, the less he saw any hide or hair of Fane. His dragon was by no means hard to spot, hair like new fallen snow upon black cliff side and very presence dominating, even if the man sought to make himself unnoticeable. Although, in this instance, Solas knew why Fane was possibly making himself scarce; memories. Painful, painful memories. However, that was why it was imperative that he find the dual being, to stop a spiral before it became a vortex.
The young woman had seemingly been repairing the segment of her robes that had unfortunately met the edge of a Freeman’s blade when Solas spotted her. He himself was giving the other clan’s members distance, so it had taken him a bit to locate the young woman, but it was for the best. He, too, had difficult memories of the Dalish, blades brandished for naught but truth, words hurled in every direction that sounded home to his folly, that spread the guilt like he did plaster and paint. So, it was best for everyone, Inner Circle and Dalish, if he kept his ‘delusional stories’ and ‘maddened opinions’ to himself. He was busy at present, anyway. His own discomfort meant little when he knew there was someone suffering worse than he.
Mhairi blinked, the movements of her hands pausing from where they were delicately weaving twine and thread. Icy blue eyes and a youthful face marked with the maroon of June turned upwards to him, abandoning repairs to regard him easily.
“Fane?”, Mhairi said his sought after’s name, her slightly darker brows drawing together as she tilted her head a bit. “He was with you, wasn’t he?”
Solas shook his head, dread growing within his heart. “No.”, he said simply, doing his to keep tone calm, professional as he kept the connection of eyes that began to melt, concern beginning to show in them. “I have not seen him since before sunset. I presumed he had been with you. Evidently, I was mistaken.”
Mhairi’s delicate features turned downwards, petites hands curling within pure white samite bordered with pink vestment. “...You haven’t seen him at all? Maybe with Cole? Sera?”, she asked, lilting voice shaking a bit with a panic born of the past and all it harmfully bore for the two soulful siblings.
Solas shook his head at each question, letting his expression soften a bit. He had not wished to alarm the young woman, but he saw now that he had been foolish to think his inquiry would have done anything but. Fane had spoken of Mhairi’s anxiety concerning abandonment, and Solas himself had seen such an acute episode when the man had been thought lost in the Fade during Adamant. He should have been more delicate in his delivery, more aware of his words and the effect they had.
Ill-suited as ever, Solas berated within the safety of his mind, releasing a quiet sigh through his nose as he gazed down as the now fidgeting woman. Nails were picking apart sewn thread, undoing work redone without thought, and a deeper frown etched itself upon normally bubbly features. Ice-colored orbs were staring pointedly at the article, but were hazy, distant, lost to the flow of putrid memories. Solas matched the deep frown with a small one of his own, taking a tentative step towards where Mhairi was seated to kneel down in front of her.
He had to fix what he had wrought--in many ways, but for now, he would focus on a light that echoed as much of the past as his unaccounted for dragon did.
“Mhairi,”, Solas called out to the slightly trembling woman, keeping his tone soft, guiding. “Ir abelas. My words were poorly chosen. I didn't mean to alarm you, to cause you to fear.” He managed a tiny smile when long locks of platinum shifted with the rising of a head, reconnection. “I am sure your brother is close by. I merely have not been able to deduce where he may have gone when in concern to the Dalish. That is all.”
Solas watched as the slight tremors in pale hands and lithe shoulders lessened. There was still a concerned frown upon pink lips and the tell-tale signs of dampness upon ice-blue, but he had succeeded in drawing a bright mind back from the edge. At least, he hoped he had. It was hard to tell with his dragon’s sister, even if she was far more open than her sibling. Perhaps her inherent bubbliness blinded him at times, made him believe there were no troubles to ponder, nightmares to banish. Everyone had a mask they used to protect themselves, and he was truly foolish to forget that simple truth.
“N-no, I’m--”, Mhairi tried to say, but released only a shuddering sigh. Fingers begin to pluck and pull at thread once more, but with more care, more awareness this time.
Solas kept a watchful eye on the Dalish woman, noting her breathing was shaky, but not quickening with encroaching panic. The tremors had not returned, but neither had full light to her eyes. The spiral was still swirling, then. He would have to choose his words carefully, and carefully he shall.
“Take your time, da’len.”, Solas encouraged, gingerly reaching out with his own hands to still the ones curling and clenching into purity. His skin flinched a tad when Mhairi’s did, but relaxed when she did so in turn. “Everything will be right where you left it. It will not disappear, vanish as if but a dream.”
A sharp, but quiet intake of breath had Solas freezing up a bit, fear gripping his heart like an owl's talons snatched up a mouse. Had he spoken out of turn again? He had not meant to--!
“Ma serannas, lethallan.”
Solas blinked, the guilt and dread of his mind stilling as he refocused on the woman in front of him. Ice and turquoise regarded him kindly, serenity in their deepest depths and a watery, but grateful smile played with plushness of flesh, curving like the softest of a halla’s horns. Maroon ink was lax, further serenity carved into the heart shaped visage before him. There was no ridicule, no scorn, no retribution in any of those features, and that weighty revelation had Solas sucking in a steadying breath of his own, quiet, but deep.
How many people would he continue to witness staring at him with such...forgiveness before his own mask cracked from the blow? He did not deserve that release, that depth of understanding and emotion from Mhairi, from Fane, from anyone, and yet, it was there--pure as the snow white hair of his beloved, gold as the spirit that cascaded down...down…
...one of his people.
Solas let his eyelids droop, gingerly taking one of Mhairi’s hands into both of his own. That echoing appendage was joined by its counterpart, squeezing with both as they joined to soothe in tandem. That silent gesture of understanding had Solas closing his eyes fully, heart tight, soul weeping for him to speak, to divulge. Why was he suddenly so overcome with the want to do such?
She would not understand, Solas chided himself, attempting to ward away how his whole being yearned to greet another soul like his dragon’s, like his. She would react adversely. For myself, and for her, I must keep the truth hidden. Now is not the time nor place for such things. There will be much to tell her when the time is right, from myself and Fane. She does not need that burden, that crisis of faith, now. Even if--no.
Solas let out a soft sigh, carefully slipping his hands from the warmth of Mhairi’s own to place them back within his lap. He registered the look of gentle confusion in both delicate features and twinkling eyes, but he once again shoved away the inherent urge to explain. He had let himself falter, allowed his mind to splinter, and now he would repair it, shore up the foundation so it may weather any other storm that would come to pass.
He must find the one who would hold his bloodied hand with one of their own, but even that laced his heart with guilt-filled poison. How much more would he touch and destroy before he perished? Two lights, and they would find themselves extinguished if he continued to be selfish, but...he couldn’t help it, couldn’t fight the want to belong, to be accepted.
To coexist. How pitiful he was. How pitiful.
---
...You have no idea how hard I am resisting on making a female Fane to fully romance this wolf right now. I need to finish canon Fane first, but...HNNNNGH. I just want to analyze the hell out of how Solas changes with romanced Lavellan. *puts face on screen* He called Fane ‘lethallan’ the other day while I was playing, and I DIED AND SCREECHED. ...I always do. *slinks away*
Fun fact: At the beginning of my writing hobby, Solas and Mhairi were supposed to be romantically together! :D
Tagging (if you wanna, you beautiful people! <3): @oxygenforthewicked @noire-pandora @little-lightning-lavellan @the-dreadful-canine @blueheaded
#wip whenever#my writing#dragon age#oc: mhairi lavellan#solas#look at these two. *sniffles*#mhairi and solas are a whole other layer of feels XD#it reasserts 'canon' amidst the 'non-canon'#fane: dragons :3#mhairi: elves :3#DUALITY BABY >:D#thank you for the tag again! X3
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My Hero
Sara Lance x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 3,094
Summary:
Warnings: Angsty(ish)
The beeping of the heart monitor was the only thing that soothes her. The constant sound was the only thing that kept her from going feral. It was the sound of hope to her, and to everyone else that was within the room. It was the only sound that broke the silence of the room.
For it was the only sound that needed to be heard. The only thing that was worth listening to, because Sara didn’t want to hear anything else. Only one thing rose above the want, the need, to listen to the heart monitor and that was the need to hear your voice.
Hear the sweet laugh that always escaped from your mouth as Nate goofed off with you.
Hear the loving lilt in your tone when you spoke to her. Hear the voice that made Sara’s heart warm at the mere sound. That made her feel like everything was going to be okay.
A voice that always filled the silence with its light. Pushing the darkness away by its very presence. Now, without it, there was nothing but shadows in the corner of her vision. Nothing but the promise of death and destruction to come if she didn’t hear it soon.
She didn’t know what she would do if she lost you too.
Closing her eyes Sara tried to even out her breathing, but the moment her eyes slipped shut she was plagued by images of hit still form. Of the events that transpired to cause you to be in this situation to begin with.
———
It was a routine mission for the Legends. Problems had been arising in 18th Century London. As William Shakespeare had returned and was causing way too much fuss in the locals. Not only changing the stories and literary arts that came out of that period, but people’s faith in the crown and the way London has “devolved”.
Truth be told Sara had wanted to put off the mission for as long as possible. It being only a level two anachronism. She had much rather stayed in bed with you than deal with the antics of Shakespeare and his need to speak, but the Time Bureau had put their foot down.
Rubbing her temples to stem an oncoming migraine, Sara turns to her team with a grin. “Alright Legends, you all know the drill at this point. Grab Shakespeare before he can cause any more problems and I wouldn’t be adverse to you gagging him as well.” Her grin turns into a smirk. “Actually I’ll give you extra brownie points if you do.”
“Did someone say brownies?” A soft voice asks from behind her that causes Sara’s heart to melt. Turning Sara meets your sparkling gaze. A warm smile curling your lips into an expression of pure affection.
An expression that Sara was sure her face mirrored.
Moving to stand in front of you, Sara wraps her arms loosely around your waist. Pulling you into her, she nuzzles your cheek with her nose. Blue eyes glowing with adoration. “Points, babe, brownie points. We’re not actually making brownies.” Seeing your pout immediately makes her rectify her statement, however. “But when we get back you and I can make brownies together, alright?”
A small smile is her only response, but it was all she needed. Stepping back, Sara turns to look at her team with a raised eyebrow. Her face taking on a sterner expression when she saw that we were still loitering about. “Well? Let’s kick some ass.”
Cheers erupt, causing a grin to appear on Sara’s face. Yeah this was going to be fun.
———
Bowing her head Sara tries to forget the events that transpired after that. Tries to forget the sight of your blood leaking from in between her fingers.
Tries to forget the sound of her screams when she saw that you had been hit.
Tries to forget the sound of the shot ringing out across the courtyard.
She tries to forget how still you were in her arms. Your normally expressive face blank. Skin turning ashen as the minutes ticked by.
She tries to forget the feeling of hopelessness that she felt as you were taken from her. The darkness welcoming her back like an old friend. Whispering that it was only a matter of time before her light was taken away. That she could have only ran for so long before it caught up again.
That no matter where she hid, no matter what she did, it would always come back. For a monster could only ever truly feel safe in the dark. It could hide itself away in the light, but it would never feel complete until it was able to shed that mask.
Squeezing her eyes shut, Sara brings her hand to run through her hair. Desperately trying to keep her thoughts at bay, but knowing the attempt was futile. No matter what she did she would always remember.
Always remember the mistake that caused her sun to be extinguished.
———
A hail of bullets reigned down around them. The gunfire like a symphony of destruction and the enraged shouts was its chorus. Sara could feel a smirk playing at the corner of her lips at the sound. She knew her team was giving the mercenaries a run for their money. Weaving in and out of the stone pillars that made up the courtyard.
Pressing her back into the rough stone archway, Sara strains her ears to pick up the sounds of approaching footsteps. Her brain quickly worked out who it was and if she needed to shoot them. Luckily she registered who it was and a relaxed smile took the place of her stern look.
Turning her gaze she meets your sparkling one. “How’s it going babe?”
“Fairly well,” you shrug, shifting the gun you had stolen off a fallen mercenary to your other hand. “Ray and Zari are taking care of Willy. While the others deal with what’s left of the mercenary gang.”
Smiling Sara nods as she sweeps her gaze over the still courtyard. Her body shifted from its crouched position as she moved out into the open space. Her staff pressed lightly into her thigh as she walked. She could feel that you were following closely behind her. You are always one to air on the side of caution when it comes to the two of you.
“Hey Cap!” The shout almost causes her to jump but she schools herself before she does. Instead she levels Nate with a withering glare as he rubbed his neck sheepishly. “Sorry, but we got all of the rogues. Shouldn’t be having any more problems.”
“Good, that’s what I like to hear.” Turning Sara surveys the rest of the yard. Her brow furrowed in thought as her eyes took in the untouched area. Something didn’t feel right, but she pushed the feeling down to her own paranoia. Bringing her gaze back to her team she could see their elated grins. Amaya and Zari are already whispering softly to one another. Nate and Ray laugh quietly at each other. Mick standing off to the side and being his usual sulky self. Everything seemed fine, and Sara wanted to believe that, if it wasn’t for the nagging feeling in the back of her mind.
Trudging her way towards her team she’s very much aware of your presence behind her. Your closeness soothing her in a way nothing else ever could. Allowing her shoulders to relax even more, Sara moves towards Ray wanting an update about the resident playwright.
Her attention shifting was all it took for hell to erupt.
Before Sara could blink the sound of a bullet ripping through the air shattered the relative silence of the yard. Your shrill cry of “No” accompanying it, and then her world was flipped upside down as she was thrown to the side.
Her body crashes against the dewy lawn, and her breath is knocked out of her. She could feel her mind trying to work out everything that had happened, and when it did she scrambled onto all fours. Her horrified gaze finding your still form on the ground. The green of the grass surrounding you quickly turns crimson.
She didn’t register anything but the need to get to you. To save you.
She didn’t hear the sounds of Mick chasing after the lone mercenary. Nor did she hear the sounds of Ray calling for Gideon. She doesn’t register anything but the sound of her own heart shattering.
Wrapping her arms around you Sara pulls you onto her lap. Frenzied breaths ghosting across your skin as she tilts her head to press her ear against your lips. Her fingers, meanwhile, press against your throat to find a sign. Anything.
Anything that meant that you were still breathing. That the growing stain of blood on your front didn't mean what she thought it meant.
What she knew it meant.
Shaking her head Sara could feel desperation start to work its way through her body. Fear worming into her heart like the leech it was, but she wasn’t strong enough to fight against it. Wasn’t sound enough to rationalize her actions, because all she could think of was the fact that you weren’t breathing.
All she could see was your face turning paler and paler by the second. You lips taking on a bluish sheen that only meant one thing.
All she could hear was the lack of a heartbeat underneath her ear when she laid her head against your chest.
All she could feel was your normally warm skin turning cold underneath her fingertips. Fingertips that were still pressed tightly against your throat. Fingertips that felt nothing underneath them.
Only the chilly iciness of death.
Sara knew she should be doing something to help you, but her body was frozen. Her brain locked down because it was forced with the stunning reality of losing you. Her surroundings melted away until there was nothing but the two of you. Causing her to forget everything and anything that didn’t have to consist of that.
So when she felt strong hands grabbing ahold of her Sara did the only thing natural to her, she fought. Her innate reaction was to protect you, and she wasn’t going to let you down. No matter how much she didn’t want to think about the fact that she already had.
Feeling you being yanked from her arms only heightens that.
A warm body soon pressed itself against her back. Another pair of hands grabbing hold of her struggling form. Two familiar scents washed over her as she twisted and turned. Rationally she knew that it was Nate and Mick holding onto her, and that Ray had been the one to take you away but she wasn’t thinking rationally.
All she could think about was the fact that they were the ones that took you from her.
“You need to sedate her. There’s no way we’re going to get anything done with her acting like that.” A soothing voice sounds and Sara immediately tensed. Her mind runs rampant with the thoughts flashing across it.
“Do you really think that’s necessary, Ray?” Another voice asks, one of the beings that were holding her. Her body only tensing more at the question posed.
A deep sigh was emitted before the soothing voice spoke once more. “I don’t like it anymore than you both do, but we all know how Sara can get when it comes to things like this. We also know that we wouldn’t be able to stop her if things got really bad. That’s not our captain right now. That’s a woman willing to do anything to get to the woman she loves.”
Only sighs came as a response, but Sara could tell that they had all come to an agreement about her. Something that Sara wasn’t partial to at all. Thrashing her body once more Sara could feel one of the sets of hands lose their grip on her, but before she could feel triumphant she felt a needle press itself into her neck.
A liquid being injected and causing even more fogginess in her already muddled brain. Feeling sleep coming like a freight train towards her, Sara feels her head land on the ground. A whispered voice sounding next to her ear.
“I’m sorry Cap.”
———
Rubbing the sight of the injection on her neck, Sara glances at your still form once more. Her eyes trailing down the tubes in your arm. From your hand all the way up. Soon her eyes made it your chest where they stayed. Watching, transfixed, as it steadily rose up and down.
It was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. Something that she wouldn’t trade for anything.
Leaning back against her chair, Sara shifts as she tries to find a comfortable position. She knew it was for naught but it was something to keep her body active as she waited for you to wake up. The rest of the team had vacated the room after Gideon had told them you would be waking up soon.
As intrusive as the Legends were they knew when to step back, and they knew that this was one of those times. Even if they all wanted nothing more than to be there for you and Sara.
Signing Sara shifts her gaze back to the heart monitor. Watching as it goes up and down, something was quickly becoming her favorite pattern, a feeling of hope offsetting the darkness.
Hope that you would be okay.
Hope that she wasn’t going to lose you.
Dipping her head Sara runs a hand through her hair. A deep sigh leaving her mouth as her shoulders slump. Only to jump when a hand comes to rest soothingly on her left.
Straightening up Sara is met with the most beautiful sight ever, tied for your chest moving. Your beautiful eyes staring back at her with a look of adoration. A warm smile curling your lips.
Standing Sara presses her lips against yours. Needing to feel that contact with you once again. Needing to know that you were there, alive, and that she wasn’t losing her grasp on reality.
Though any reality you weren’t a part of wasn’t something she ever wanted to be a part of.
Feeling you respond only grounded her more. Pulling back she couldn’t stop the tears from spilling down her cheeks. Something that caused your easy going smile to change into a worried frown.
“Hey,” you coo, bringing your hand to rest against her cheek. “What’s the matter? I didn’t think my breath smelt that bad.”
A choked laugh mixes with her son as Sara tries to process a response. “No, your breath smells fine. It’s just-“ She takes a deep breath. “I thought I lost you and I didn’t know what I would have done if I did. Especially since it was my fault.”
Your frown grows deeper at that. “What do you mean, babe? How was this your fault?”
Shaking her head Sara presses her forehead against yours. Needing to feel your skin against hers. To remind herself that you were warm. To forget the memory of feeling like ice. “I shouldn’t have let my guard down. I knew something was off but I didn’t do anything. I just shrugged it off and because of that I could have lost you. I should have known that something wasn’t right.”
A hand comes up to grip her chin and Sara’s gaze is soon leveled with your own. Your eyes imploring and warm as you stared at her. “Then by that same logic you should be blaming Ray too. Wasn’t he the one who told you everything was clear?” Sara nods in confirmation. “Then isn’t he just as much at fault as you? If not more because he told you something that was clearly untrue. So do you blame him?”
Pulling back Sara looks away a far off look on her face. “Of course not, Ray couldn’t have known that the man was there.”
“Exactly Sara.” You sit up to garner her attention. Your eyes never wavering from hers. “You couldn’t have known either, and I know you’re going to give me the bullshit excuse that you’re a trained assassin and you should know better. Everyone makes mistakes, babe, and that applies to you too. I know you think this is your fault but it’s not because accidents do happen.”
Shaking her head Sara’s frown only grows more. “This accident could have cost me everything. I should have trusted my instincts and checked the perimeter before allowing myself to be out in the open. It was stupid and I can never forgive myself for giving that bastard an opportunity to strike.”
“There is only so much you can do, Sara. At a certain point you have to realize that and I made a choice too. Don’t forget that either. I made the choice to push you out of the way. Knowing full well that I wouldn’t be able to get out of the way in time, but that didn’t matter to me because I knew you were going to be alright.”
A beat of silence passes before Sara speaks. Her head dipped towards her chest. “I wouldn’t have been okay because I would have lost you.”
“And I wouldn’t have been okay because I would have let you get hurt,” you respond simply with a smile back on your face. Eyes crinkling with delight because of it. “We’re both self sacrificing idiots and that’s not going to change. So you need to stop beating yourself up about it, okay? Because I wouldn’t change a thing that happened, and I know that if the roles were reversed you would do the same thing.”
Sara lowers her gaze but doesn’t rebuke your statement, because she knows it’s true. Sighing she nods in agreement and acceptance of what you’re telling her. She knows that the guilt would never truly leave her but your words have helped, and knowing that you were going to be fine did too.
Breathing deeply Sara, once again, presses her forehead against yours. Her eyes closed as she did so. “I’m so glad I didn’t lose you.”
A warm chuckle escaped your lips, and was all that broke the silence between the two of you for a moment. Though when you did speak your voice was filled with mischief, even if it didn’t rise above a whisper. “Of course, after all you did promise me brownies.”
#sara lance x reader#sara x reader#white canary x reader#legends of tomorrow#legends of tomorrow imagine#sara lance#dc tv show
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Whumptober Day 5
Aaaand here we are, second offering in the Escape!AU, though this is... third I think?... if we’re going by internal chronology of what I’ve got so far. I’m not even going to try to track that as we go, though, because of the whole still-adding-more-as-I-go-along thing. I’ll figure that shit out when the AO3 post gets made, lol.
Have some EVEN MORE FEELINGS realization, friends! And also some sad, because y’know, Whumptober.
With the rest of Damien’s family being pagan, I also had this headcanon that his relationship with them was pretty well trashed after he joined the Church, and that the Matriarch of Ganji had kind of... honorarily adopted him, and that they were still super close, and that’s why she backed him so firmly against the Patriarch’s bullshit. Having that headcanon, though, made me wonder - what must she have thought, when she heard about certain developmens?
Day 5 - Theme Chosen: Betrayal
Damien eyed the pile of letters with some trepidation. He had only meant to grab a few belongings from his rented room in Jaggonath before abandoning it permanently – the world needed to believe that he and Gerald had perished at Mount Shaitan, so he couldn't exactly tell the landlord that he wasn't coming back, but he'd wanted to pick up a few of the items he'd brought with him across the Dividers before he and Gerald left the city for good. He hadn't expected a pile of letters to be laying on the front hall rug, having clearly accumulated during the journey to Shaitan and back.
Gerald was currently at Alesha Huyding's house, convincing the woman to let them take the rest of Senzei's journals on the Iezu for their own project. They were supposed to meet at Karril's temple in less than an hour; Damien definitely didn't have time to read these all. He scooped the pile off the floor and started flipping through them quickly, discarding the majority of them at a glance. Most of them were notes from his fellow clergy members at the Jaggonath Cathedral, wondering where he'd disappeared to; there were a few unpaid bills from local merchants, and one heavy linen envelope with a golden seal that he knew must be his official notice of excommunication. The sight of it made his chest ache, but it was nothing compared to the shock that ran through him at the last letter.
The envelope from the very bottom of the stack was also fine quality, though it lacked the ostentatious gold seal, instead being tied shut with a red ribbon. Even at a glance, though, Damien recognized the delicate hand that had traced out the address of the Jaggonath Cathedral – it seemed the letter had gone there first, and been redirected to his temporary apartment when the messenger learned that Damien was no longer employed by the Church.
The letter was from the Matriarch of the Cathedral in Ganji-on-the-Cliffs.
Guilt pooled in his chest like icy water, and Damien cursed softly. Stuffing the two Church envelopes in his jacket pocket, he left the rest of the letters on the kitchen table and went to gather what he'd come for in the first place. There would be time enough later to deal with the two he'd kept; neither of them, he suspected, were going to be an easy read.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He ended up putting off looking at the letters for a few days. Between gathering everything they would need to get them to another city, and tying up any loose ends they'd left behind, he actually managed to more or less forget about the envelopes tucked away in his pocket. Gerald had decided that their best bet was to head back northeast, retracing their steps yet again to get some distance from Jaggonath now that they had what they needed from the city; Damien wasn't any more keen on running into any familiar faces than the adept was, and agreed that it was probably the safest plan. Ensuring that they remained anonymous was enough to keep his mind occupied on the road, and it wasn't until they stopped at a dae three nights later that he remembered.
They'd both had their fill of sleeping on the unforgiving ground as winter crept closer again, and when the dae had come into view, they had agreed with only a glance that they could afford the minor risk of dealing with the residents if it meant getting to sleep in proper beds for a night. Damien negotiated for their rooms while Gerald saw that the horses were stabled comfortably, and they met up in the common room of the dae, at a small table in the corner farthest from the light of the fire. As they sat down, though, Damien made to tuck the room key into his pocket – and his fingers brushed the envelopes still tucked into his jacket.
Either his face had shown his dismay or Gerald had felt it through their link, because the adept turned to look at him immediately, grey eyes narrowed in concern.
“What's wrong?”
“It's nothing urgent, just...” Damien pulled the letters out, feeling dread settle into his gut like a stone. “There were some letters that had been slipped under my apartment door, when I went back to get my things. Most of them weren't important, but I kept these two. I meant to look at them later that day, but – I forgot.”
Gerald's gaze fell on the golden seal of the Cathedral on the top one, and Damien heard his sudden, sharp breath. The former Knight's mouth twisted in a bitter half-smile.
“Yeah, I think we both know what that one is. This one, though...”
He pulled the other envelope out and set it on top, his heart in his throat. Gerald frowned at it, then glanced up at him.
“Who is this one from?”
“The Matriarch. In Ganji,” Damien whispered. “I wrote to her when we were sailing back from the Eastern Continent, telling her everything that had happened. The Master of Lema, what we'd discovered about the rakh, the Undying Prince... you.”
The adept went very still. He was rather like a hunting hawk in that way, a distant part of Damien's mind observed; when they laid eyes on their prey, such birds would freeze, in a manner that could look almost like a prey response itself unless one knew what to look for. In reality, the bird was preparing for the swift, sure, devastating movement of an attack – but the only warning you would get was that unnatural stillness.
“This is her response.” The soft words weren't a question. Damien sighed deeply, rolling his shoulders back in a fruitless attempt to shed some of the tension.
“Yes. And probably more, given that I'm fairly sure the Patriarch wrote to her as well – she likely knows by now that I've been thrown out of the Order, even if she hasn't yet heard about our... tragic demises.” He looked up and forced himself to meet Gerald's gaze steadily, feeling the prickling anticipation through the bond, the chill creeping over his skin. When he spoke, he kept his voice very low, not wanting to speak too loudly even though Gerald had put up a Warding when they sat down that would keep anyone from eavesdropping on them.
“I know you're hungry. Take what you need. This is going to be miserable for me either way.”
Gerald's eyes flashed, but the adept only inclined his head slightly, a silent gratitude. Damien swallowed against the lump that had formed in his throat, then reached with shaking hands to untie the ribbon and unfold the letter.
My dear son,
I hope you will forgive my informality. I know that, as the Holy Mother, I ought to have worded this more properly – but at the moment, I care nothing for propriety, so long as I can reach you.
Your letters have given me enough nightmares for a lifetime. This demon that conspires to corrupt our world, Calesta, is all that the Church most dreads; not a passive evil, but an all too active one, darkening the minds of men and swaying them to its nefarious cause. I was horror-struck to learn of the men and women that willingly served it, and what it plans for our world, but those concerns too have paled in comparison to the chill that fell over me when I read what you had written of our fallen Prophet.
Damien. If ever you felt, as I did, that our bond was that of true family – that you were my son in more than the titles that the Church proscribes, that I cared for you as I would have for a child of my flesh – then I beg of you, in the name of that bond... turn aside. I do not need it written out to know that you hope to save Gerald Tarrant, to redeem him from his dark deeds and guide him back into the light of God. I cannot stress enough how much I fear for you if you pursue such a path. There are some choices that a man cannot make without altering who he is forever, and some roads are too dark to retrace one's steps. You cannot save him. God's greatest gift is forgiveness, but a man such as that will not accept it, for to do so he would have to admit that his deeds require forgiveness – to admit that he has become a monster, and repent of what he has done. A man like Gerald Tarrant can never do that.
If you try to save him, I am certain that he will poison you. Slowly, no doubt, and subtly, for to have survived all that he has the Hunter must be a devious creature indeed – but inexorably, and perhaps, irrevocably. I know you, Damien, and your greatest strength is also your greatest weakness; your incredible determination. It has carried you through so much adversity, and it held you to our faith and cause when your family would have dragged you away... but I fear that it will also keep you from recognizing when you are outmatched, and hold you to your resolve to alter his nature, even as his corruption takes hold. If you are focused only on his redemption, you may not see what is happening until it is too late.
Please come home, Damien. I know it goes against everything we preach, but this once, I reach out to you and speak not as the Holy Mother, but simply as a mother. Come home. Let another fight this war; let the Hunter carry this burden alone, if you truly believe he wishes to make amends. We are all of us sworn to give our lives for the Church, but I beg of you, not like this.
Come home.
With all my love and prayers,
Carla
No title. No Holy Mother. Not her regnal name, Aelia II. Just her given name, as a mother might sign a desperate letter to her son.
Damien didn't know when he'd started to cry, but his eyes burned by the time he reached the end; his cheeks were wet, and his chest ached from staying quiet, even as his whole body shook with silent sobs. He dropped the letter on the table and pressed his hands over his face, past caring if his distress was obvious. No one else in the room was going to notice anything with the Obscuring still in place, and it wasn't as if Gerald needed the visual cues to know that he was upset – with the way he felt, in that moment, the grief and guilt had to be flooding out of him like blood from an arterial wound, staining the fae around him black and crimson.
He'd known, since the night he braved Hell itself to bring the Hunter back, that he was turning his back on everything he'd ever cared for. Not merely his faith, intangible as it was, but also his home, his friends, and his family.
Perhaps his parents and brother would not have disowned him for the choices he had made on this quest – but it was years too late for that to matter, after the way they had fallen out when Damien chose to join the Church. The faith of the One God had forced Damien to distance himself from their aggressively pagan lifestyle, and they had seen his choice as a betrayal, a self-righteous attack on their way of life instead of the deeply personal calling Damien had felt it to be. The only thing that had gotten him through that loss and upheaval had been the support of a woman who, at the time, was just another priestess at the Ganji Cathedral. Mother Carla had been his bedrock of support, his sponsor in the seminary and a gentle voice of reassurance whenever Damien felt himself faltering; by the time Damien was Knighted, she had ascended to the Holy Mother's seat as Matriarch Aelia II, and their bond had been unshakable. It had been Carla who recommended Damien for the experimental program teaching young Workers in Jaggonath, who had seen him off with a warm smile and the assertion that she knew he would do well, and that he would return to Ganji-on-the-Cliffs having shaped a whole generation of new minds.
And Damien had betrayed her.
It wasn't what he meant to do, but what did intent matter when measured against the cold facts of the outcome? He had betrayed the faith they held in common by choosing to forgive the Hunter's centuries of crimes; he had betrayed the Church they both served by thwarting Andrys's attempt at vengeance and helping Gerald elude the Crusade; he had betrayed the personal trust she had placed in him by deserting his duty and turning his back on the very principles that he himself had once preached to the Church's young followers. She had sent him east to further the vision of the Church, and instead he had struck it one of the most staggering blows it had suffered in centuries. She had reached out to him in compassion and love, ready to absolve him of every responsibility if he only turned back... but even if the letter had reached him in time, Damien knew in his heart that it still wouldn't have altered his course.
That, surely, was the bitterest betrayal of all – the knowledge that seared through him and left him shaking and cold and sick. That letter hadn't said anything that he hadn't already, on some level, known; he had held all those arguments with himself a thousand times, those long lonely nights on the road to Mount Shaitan. He had recognized the risk that his own stubbornness was blinding him, recognized that his judgement and morals were compromised, recognized that he was nearing the point of no return. Even with all of that, though, when the moment of choice had come – he hadn't even hesitated. He'd seen the murderous rage in Andrys Tarrant's eyes, known that it was the reckoning for all of Gerald's sins, and he'd still stepped in front of the bolt.
He might not have surfaced from that yawning abyss of despair for a long time, if not for the gentle sensation that ran along the link between himself and Gerald. Unlike the assertive, even imperious force that Damien was used to from the Hunter's power, this was softer, almost inquisitive; a coaxing tug, instead of a firm push. He was still too badly shaken to muster any kind of coherent response within his mind, and a moment later, he felt an equally gentle hand on his shoulder.
“Damien.”
With an effort, the former Knight swallowed back the sounds of pain he wouldn't allow himself to make and lifted his head, blinking through tears at his companion. Gerald had shifted his chair and was sitting close by his side now, one hand raised for that steadying grip on his shoulder, and the look on the adept's face took what little breath Damien had regained away; genuine concern, traces of sorrow and guilt – unmistakable compassion, raw and unpractised and honest. A more human expression than the Hunter's face had worn in centuries, one that no one else would even have believed him capable of.
Damien realized, quite suddenly, that his heart was beating so forcefully that it might have been trying to break free of his ribcage.
He heard himself speak, without consciously deciding to do so.
“I wouldn't change it. Even if I knew, if I could go back and do it again, I wouldn't choose any differently.”
Gerald's grip tightened on his shoulder, and for a moment he just held Damien's gaze, silent. Damien could see the thoughts racing behind his quicksilver eyes, and even with the link, he couldn't read them all – but suddenly he knew, with a certainty so firm that it had to be resonating through the link, that someday he would be able to. They'd been operating on the unspoken understanding that Damien would be helping Gerald fulfill his new goal of establishing proper communication with the Mother of the Iezu, and that their work would keep them together for some time yet, but in that moment Damien knew that it was more than that. He hadn't just chosen betrayal for its own sake, in that moment in the Hunter's Keep; he'd chosen Gerald, and that choice was always going to be there, just like the link that hummed between their souls. They were walking the same path now, and wherever it lead, they would be treading it side by side.
Finally, Gerald spoke, his voice soft but ever so steady; the unwavering voice of a man who had stared Death in the face, and made it bow to him.
“I don't know that I can ever find a way to repay you for that... but I swear, on my life, that I will never make you regret it.”
Damien reached up and took the hand that had gripped his shoulder in his own, lacing their fingers together, the Hunter's once-chill hand now almost warm against his own.
“That's good enough for me.”
#whumptober2021#no.5#Betrayal#coldfire trilogy#fic#evil is what you make of it#gerald tarrant#damien vryce#the neocount writes
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Why Byakuya Togami Is A Misunderstood Character
In the Danganronpa community the antagonists of each game remain fan favorites and Togami is no exception however the difference in how they are perceived is how much focus is put in their ideology. While people love Komaeda and Kokichi everyone focus on their ideology for example people will praise Komaeda for his belief in absolute hope regardless of the methods which is a interesting ideology but with Togami people tend to boil him down to being a run of the will arrogant rich kid which I think is a shame because there is depth beneath the surface that gets under explored. Togami is my favorite antagonist in the series and my second favorite character in the series behind Ibuki so in this essay I hope to spread light on why I think he’s a great character.
One reason I love Togami is because he is the only antagonist to get a proper character arc from the beginning of the game to the end of the game. Just because a character has an arc doesn’t make a character inherently better than characters without an arc but I think his was well handled. Some people think of it as an arrogant character learning some humility while still being arrogant but I think was more of a major change to his worldview than that but to understand his change of worldview we have to understand his worldview in the first place.
Togami as a person sees all people as inherently selfish and as much as they would like to think of themselves as selfless there just lying to themselves. As an example there’s this quote from chapter 2 "Did you already forget? This isn't a co-op game. It's every man for himself. What good does it do me to go out of my way to help you?”. Though the gaming comparison seems a bit out of character in retrospect it does offer insight to his ideology. I think it serves as an interesting extreme to the distrust one would feel in a setting like Danganronpa. Speaking of parallels I think he serves as a great foil to Makoto. Makoto is optimistic and trusting to a point of naivete whereas Togami’s relentless cynicism makes it so he doesn't trust anyone. There is also a contrast to Makoto’s humility and Togami’s arrogance. Putting aside Togami’s role as a foil, there is another important component to Togami’s personality: his desire to keep winning. This can be seen in this scene from chapter 2 "Shut up. I would never stoop to the level of a childish criminal like you. Let me just say this... After I have achieved complete victory...you're up next. I'm going to find you and kill you. Understand? In the name of the Togami family, for which victory is a foregone conclusion... I swear, whatever it takes...I will kill you!". What stands out here is the fact that he says that in the name of his family which means that due to him being a member of the Togami family he was raised to value victory so he wishes to win the killing game by any means necessary. Another interesting point is he does legitimately see
the killing game as a game with the expectations of the masterminds and arguably Kokichi .Kokichi fans will say he hated the killing game but he definitely seemed to be having fun during the first three trails and to a lesser degree chapter 4 but that’s a can of worms for another day. With Togami it’s far less ambiguous when he specifically states "But it *is* a game. It's a game of life or death, which can have only one winner. That's all there is to it.”
You may be asking okay I understand his ideology but why does he think this way? I’m glad you asked because if you played his free time events you get a clearer picture. I’m going to transcribe most of his fifth free time event because it gives us the most information on his backstory. ”It has to do with the secret to the Togami family's prosperity.
Our success comes from our family's rather...peculiar inheritance system. You see, our family head never takes a wife.
Rather, he couples with exceptional women the world over, in order to bear as many children as possible. They then make the children compete, and only one can come out on top.
And whoever it is...earns the right to become the next head of the family. For my battle, there were fifteen of us in total. When all was said and done, only one was still standing—the youngest brother. Me. In the entire history of the Togami family, the youngest male had never won. So, now do you understand? I won my title in open combat. *That* is how l became the Ultimate Affluent Progeny. I was not born into greatness. I had to earn it. I put my life on the line, and I *earned* the right to be called the chosen.”-Togami
“You put your life on the line...? Then...what about your siblings?”-Makoto
Dead. I don't mean that literally, of course. They become dead to the family, unfit for the name of Togami. Of course, for them it really is like death. They're forced to become one of the 99%.
That was a lot to take in so let’s break down what all of that actually means and how it affected Togami’s character. First the section where he had to compete with fifteen of his siblings to gain the inheritance. His cutthroat desire to win stems from the fact that he needed to compete with such high stakes from a young age. With the inheritance system he was made to have a survival of the fittest mentality which explains in behavior in game. He described those who didn’t get to inherit the Togami name as dead which shows the absolute value he puts into winning. The fact that he won this competition also is responsible for his superiority complex because he managed to overcome such adversity he sees himself as better than the 99% of people that live normal lives. Once you put it into perspective Togami was a product of his environment which really humanizes him but I don’t blame people for missing optional content.
Now let’s move on to the turning point for his character chapter four. In the book Creating Character Arcs By K.M Weiland she explains that to create a positive change arc there is a misconception about the world or themselves that they believe and external forces change that idea so they must accept reality. In this case the lie Togami believes is that all people are inherently selfish and the reason he stopped believing that is because of the selfless actions of Sakura and Hina. Sakura’s sucide was because she wished to stop the in-fighting caused by her being revealed by the traitor along with the fact she wanted to save her dojo. Togami despite being intelligent couldn’t figure out that it was a sucide because of the way he views people. In a similar fashion he also couldn’t figure out that Hina wasn't the true killer because he couldn’t see why anyone would be willing to sacrifice their own life for the sake of a friend. These truly selfless acts made him change his worldview which can most clearly be seen with the quote “"This is a life-or-death elimination match. The only way to survive...is to win. There can be no doubt that those are the rules of the game. Which is why...I am bowing out of the game. Sakura and Hina were both willing to sacrifice their own lives to deny the reality of the game. Thanks to them, it would appear the others have cast aside their fear for this game. There's no point in participating in a game which has lost that sense of excitement. Which is why I will no longer be participating in it. Now I have only one thing to look forward to. And that is to heap the harshest possible punishment onto the one who thinks they can control me!” Although the way he phrased it was backhanded, this showed genuine faith in people and will no longer participate in the killing game which is major development for him. It also helps prove while does get him into trouble sometimes like that time he got framed by Sayaka that Makoto’s belief in people is not misplaced.
In conclusion despite him often being dismissed as another arrogant antagonist Byakuya Togami is an interesting character with an interesting way of thinking that helps him serve as a foil to the protagonist ,an often overlooked backstory that humanizes him and give proper explanation for his actions along with a great character that the other Danganronpa antagonist lacked that he stands out as a stellar character in a game series with an already excellent cast. I hope this essay gave you a new found appreciation for the character.
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ISLAM 101: Muslim Culture and Character: Morals And Manners: Defusing Hatred And Animosity
Harboring rancor and animosity means looking for re- venge and retribution. The heart of one who is envious or rapacious has been darkened and their mental facilities are taken over by vengeance. This feeling of vengeance grows until it pushes out all the love and faith in a person, and they be- gin to put revenge before everything, even obedience to God.
By contrast, freeing the heart of rancor and enmity quickly brings a psychological balance and harmony between the heart and mind, the physical and the spiritual. A person who can keep their temper under control will be of greater benefit to society and able to cultivate their higher emotions to their full potential.
In the Qur’an God tells us that the rancor and enmity harbored by people have a dangerous potential to trigger injustice:
O you who believe! Be upholders and standard-bearers of right for God’s sake, being witnesses for (the establishment of) abso- lute justice. And by no means let your detestation for a people (or their detestation for you) move you to (commit the sin of) deviating from justice. Be just: this is nearer and more suited to righteousness and piety. Seek righteousness and piety and always act in reverence for God. Surely God is fully aware of all that you do. (Maeda 5:8)
Every type of anger and vexation gives rise to mental problems and physical illnesses. Without sincere forgiveness, without “letting go,” total recovery is impossible. Hatred, animosity, rage, wanting to “get even” or see others punished, even criticism and reproach, all pollute the mind, weaken the soul, and eventually ruin a per- son’s health. It could be said that overcoming anger can be achieved if one nurtures a desire to help others and trains one’s thoughts along these lines, as well as trying to seek to live a life that is more “behind the scenes” rather than striving to be the center of atten- tion. In the Qur’an God says,
They spend (out of what God has provided for them,) both in ease and hardship, ever-restraining their rage (even when pro- voked and able to retaliate), and pardoning people (their offenses). God loves (such) people who are devoted to doing good, aware that God is seeing them. (Al Imran 3:134)
Human nature is created in such a way that a person can fluc- tuate between good and bad. Knowing this, it is necessary to know how to deal with one’s own ego, keeping in mind that good comes from God while evil comes from the ego and leads to ulti- mate destruction. A person who knows that they are prone to vac- illating between good and bad actions must expend extra energy to ensure that they refrain from major sins and to avoid situations that could lead to doing wrong: “Those who avoid the major sins and indecent, shameful deeds (which are indeed to be counted among major sins), and when they become angry, even then they forgive (rather than retaliate in kind)” (Shura 42:37).
Furthermore, in order to avoid anger or antipathy, we have been given several strong mainstays, such as praying for one’s own forgiveness, the forgiveness of our brothers and sisters in religion, and that of our spiritual ancestors, asking God not to allow seeds of bitterness and anger against believing people grow in our hearts, and expecting these prayers to be accepted; these are all stated in the following Qur’anic verse:
And all those who come after them (and follow in their foot- steps) pray, “O our Lord! Forgive us and our brothers (and sisters) in Religion who have preceded us in faith, and let not our hearts entertain any ill-feeling against any of the believers. O our Lord! You are All-Forgiving, All-Compassionate (espe- cially toward Your believing servants). (Hashr 59:10)
There are also some useful indications in the life and practice of Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, regarding the control of anger and animosity. Some of these enlighten- ing hadith are as follows.
The Prophet warned Anas ibn Malik while the latter was still a child, telling Anas that he should forgive those who had done him wrong, and thus avoid having his spirit sullied with enmity or lin- gering resentment. Anas ibn Malik related the following narration from the Messenger of God: “My child! Every morning and every evening, make sure you hold no grudge or enmity against anyone. Do this, if you can, my child! This is my example. Whoever fol- lows my example truly loves me. And whoever loves me will be with me in Paradise.”16 As we can see, those who can purify their hearts of jealousy, anger, and animosity will be together with the Prophet and reach Heaven.
Anger that burns the soul brings a feeling of vengefulness to the heart and can feed vengeful actions. Some people easily lose their temper. They are merciless, severe, and cruel. Some people, though they have quick tempers, are also quick to recover from anger.
In this regard the Prophet divided people into three basic groups, according to how quickly they anger and how quickly their anger departs. He also explained which one of these groups is most virtuous. In addition, he gives an immediate practical so- lution for anger: taking ablutions to help the feeling subside.
Abu Said al-Khudri narrated, “God’s Messenger said, ‘Be aware that there are people who are slow to anger and quick to repent of their anger; there are also people who are quick to an- ger and quick to get over it. There is also a third group of people, who anger quickly and are slow to let their anger go. The best of these are those who are slow to anger and quick to turn from an- ger. The worst are those who are quick to anger and are slow to let their anger go. Beware! Anger is like a burning ember in the heart of man. Do you not see the eyes that glow and the cheeks that puff out? Whoever feels himself beginning to get angry, he should touch the ground….”17
Accordingly, taking ablutions or bathing as well as touching the ground or walking on the soil barefoot are some practical ways of dispelling anger. But there is another dimension as well: one who feels overwhelmed by anger should seek refuge in God.
Muadh ibn Jabal relates, “Two people cursed each other in the presence of the Messenger. The face of one of them showed anger at the other. God’s Messenger said, ‘I know a word that you can say to ward off the anger that I see in your face. That is a‘udhu billahi min ash-shaytan ar-rajim (I seek refuge in God from Satan, who is eternally rejected from God’s Mercy).’”18
Abu Hurayra provided the following hadith: “A man asked the Prophet, ‘O Messenger of God! Give me a short, easy piece of advice, that I won’t forget it.’ He repeated his request several times, and the Prophet answered with, ‘Don’t get angry!’”19
A person with a quick temper should be careful not to miss good advice or exhortation by becoming upset at being urged to that which is good or commendable (and therefore not listening to the other person). Ibn Abbas narrates that when Uyayna ibn Hisn came to Medina, he stayed with his nephew Hurr ibn Qays, who was a person whom Umar used to keep near him as one of the learned men who knew the Qur’an by heart (qurra) and who by virtue of their knowledge can give legal opinion or judgment (fuqaha). Uyayna said to his nephew, “O nephew! You are close to this ruler, so ask him for an audience for me!” So the nephew asked Caliph Umar for this. But when Ibn Hisn came into Umar’s presence, he said, “Beware! O the son of Khattab! By God, you neither give us enough provision nor judge among us with jus- tice!” Umar was extremely upset. He was almost ready to hit Uyayna when Hurr jumped up and said,
“O Ruler of the Believers, God said to His Messenger, ‘Adopt the way of forbearance and tolerance, and enjoin what is good and right, and withdraw from the ignorant ones (do not care what they say and do)’ (A’raf 7:199). This man is ignorant.” When Hurr recited this verse Umar instantly froze in his tracks; he could not ignore the Qur’an, so he did nothing to the insolent man.20
A person who is overwhelmed by anger will have trouble making sound decisions. There is a direct prohibition regarding situations like this. Abu Bakr told his son ‘Abdullah, who was serving as a judge, “When you are angry, do not judge between two people. For the Messenger said, ‘No one should judge be- tween others when he is angry.’”21
Concerning the verse, “Goodness and evil can never be equal.
Repel evil with what is better (or best). Then see: the one between whom and you there was enmity has become a bosom friend. And none are ev- erenabled to attain it (such great virtue) save those who are patient (in adversities and against the temptations of their souls and Satan), and none are ever enabled to attain it save those who have a great part in human perfections and virtues” (Fussilat 41:34–35), Ibn Abbas said, “‘what is better (or best)’ in this verse means ‘patience at the mo-ment of anger, and forgiveness at the moment we are wronged.’ If people do these things, God will protect them from their enemies; He will cause their enemies to become friends for them.”22
#allah#god#islam#muslim#quran#revert#convert#convert islam#revert islam#reverthelp#revert help#revert help team#help#islamhelp#converthelp#prayer#salah#muslimah#reminder#pray#dua#hijab#religion#mohammad#new muslim#new revert#new convert#how to convert to islam#convert to islam#welcome to islam
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AS: Pilgrimage
Rated: M for Smut, Angst.
Pairing: Jaehyun x Reader xYuta
Summary: The story of secrets, deceit and greed. Three characters with unlikely alliances and one common goal; power. Jaehyun is stuck between his own thirst for power and his need for the one thing that could take away everything. Yuta has ambition growing from an unlikely alliance and convinces himself to do anything to protect it. Between both of them is her, ambitious but with one weakness, she does all it takes for Jaehyun, even if it’s putting herself aside. But how long can she hold up her own fragile games?
(A/N): This is a long overdue chapter. I hope it can make up for the time.
January, 2021
She sat in the airport on an unlikely second day of January, looking around at the mostly empty place. Everyone was home, and she was on her way to the capital to see a dirty fight play out. The few people she saw around inside the airport she was in, were obvious employees of the government and staffers; all getting back from the holidays at the eve of a new session. Her thoughts were stuck on two things that were yet to happen: the inauguration of the new session and her own testimony in front of an oversight committee.
She took in a nervous and shaky breath, it was an unnerving thought to her— the interrogation, the cameras, the very spectacle of it. She couldn’t quite put a finger on what was causing her nerves, but she was aware that this ordeal was much more than a routine investigation on behalf of the Senate. She knew that her intention was to rattle a few lawmakers when she filed a writ last fall, but she didn’t expect the jolt she provided to result in an invitation to testify for senate, (Y/N) frowned at the thought. She would have lived her entire life just fine without being on C-span. It didn’t help that she was admittedly more on the non-confrontational end of the spectrum, a hearing was about as confrontational one could get and she was displeased at the idea of being publicly humiliated one way or another by at least one Republican Senator, especially because the invitation came from the Republican Senators of a Senate that was majority wise tilted to their cause.
She rummaged through her bag, picking out a bottle of water to ease her abruptly constricting throat. The very idea of the Senate suddenly jumping on this didn’t seem right to her. For the last cycle, the Republicans were mostly restrictive forces, they were not one for action; slowly recuperating from the loss of faith in their party. But this was swift and aggressive action and her instincts told her to treat it like an attack. She felt like a small, venomous animal in the wild— a creature running only on intuition and reserving its strength.
Abortion was steadily growing as an irrational debate that snatched away an individuals rights and she felt responsible enough to see the voice against it through. She sat back in the creaky pine chair of the airport lounge, drinking her cup of tepid coffee— a shallow attempt to rid herself of dread. Through the long sip she took, she decided to put off thinking about anything other than winning this. What was right, what was moral or the contrary, was irrelevant to Congress. The government functioned on checks and balances, and while it was beyond her to balance power, she was on a mission to ensure she could orchestrate public awareness that would keep them in check. The house could provide the balance, and it was her only option. But the house cared about votes and she knew she needed enough to start a conversation. She just didn't have any control over the floor. That was him.
Him who she refused to give more than a bitter momentary thought. Jaehyun was a means at the moment, and she swallowed the bitter pill of that reminder and finished her acrid coffee and checked her watch. She left for the gate earlier— just in case; picking out her phone from her bag to make a call.
The last ten minutes since the Representative of North Carolina entered the restaurant Jaehyun had invited her to, were spent in silence and as far as Jaehyun was concerned, those were ten minutes wasted. He had spent the last three months advocating for an abortion bill and it had ended up coming to the point where he wondered why he had to fight so hard and convince so desperately for something that should be fundamental. When Jaehyun was elected as a public servant, he wasn’t unaware of the uphill battle that he faced: these days it was a challenge to get congress to do something. He wasn’t unprepared or unmotivated, this was the reality of his job. He was, at the moment though, irritated by how adverse his colleagues were to change. Change that was by all accounts inevitable as far as he was concerned, after all he had a promise to keep.
When Jaehyun first turned his attention away from the Representative of North Carolina, it was because he noticed the Representative of Utah and a handbag he found familiar. He turned back to the person in front of him and sat up in renewed attention when he realised that a number of his colleagues could be here, a number of whose handbags he has encountered on a daily basis. The place was a common brunch spot, especially for backhand agreements like the one he was trying to execute.
He shook off his distractions and spoke up, “Carol its to our mutual benefit if you support this bill. You're a woman, you'll be seen as sympathetic, the political climate is shifting now: bipartisanship doesn’t have the same nobility anymore, the people see it for what it is, after what happened the last cycle, leaning across the aisle is what we need now.” He looked at her eyes, squinting at her avoidant gaze. Something was wrong, “North Carolina already allows abortion till 20 weeks, we're simply bringing up to 23 for special cases and mandatory planned parenthoods in every state. Special cases is defined clearly in my bill as rape, physical captivity or external entities misleading the conceiver in some kind.” He stopped at the words when she looked up at him with sudden unwelcoming eyes; he mentally sighed at what was to come.
“That last bit could be misleading. What if some knocked up drop out decides they want an abortion last minute because the father packed up?” She spoke with uncaring eyes and Jaehyun tightened his jaw. He wanted to speak, but thought against it, he allowed himself a moment to look past her prejudice, looking away from her. He tried to gauge her, understand where she was coming from in an attempt to turn this around.
The second time he had to turn his attention away from Carol was when he saw her.
(Y/N), sitting at a restaurant table with the Representative of a state as irrelevant as Utah in this debate.
“I rather plan on pushing for stricter abortion laws. It's what my party wants, you know? I hope you understand.” Carol sounded polite in a way that was demanding.
“I hope you'll give me a moment. I just noticed a friend across the room.” Jaehyun stood up as he watched his perplexed lunch companion sit up, eyes impatient.
“I should be on my way–” She wiped her lip. Jaehyun smiled at her gently.
“It’s an old friend,” His voice held an edge. “Just a minute and I'll be back.” He smiled wider and she nodded unwillingly, sitting back as he walked towards a table.
“(Y/N) how lovely to see you here.” He gave her a tight glance that made her noticeably stiffen and Jaehyun turned towards her lunch companion with his greeting smile, “With Bill as well, how have you been?” The balding Representative rose from his chair eagerly and shook his hand.
“I was just inquiring about you from Miss—” He turned to her with an apologetic glance, admitting in the moment to forgetting her name. She scoffed from disbelief.
“I'm just going to steal your lunch date for a moment, if you don't mind.” He asked with a gentle coax.
“Mr McGail was just leaving.” She said pointedly and the man turned once before nodding. Jaehyun gladly took the newly vacant seat.
“Did any part of your unscheduled trip include informing me of your liaisons with my colleagues?” He asked pointedly. She turned to him for a response, with contempt in her eyes— contempt that didn't flow into her words.
“I'm here for a hearing. I don’t see why I’d have to inform you of my schedule Mr. Jung. I’m here to aid the government in public service in my limited capacity.” She spoke with no sense of agitation and he sat back.
“You can't do anything in this city without influence. You don't have any. Go back to your hotel and let me handle this without interfering.” He ordered and her nostrils flared— it was the most visible her anger could be in public and she was outraged.
“I didn't realise I was interfering. I imagined we're on the same side on this matter at the very least if not on the opposite. Or are you maybe switching sides with the conservative Catholic over there?” Her voice was all accusation. He was enraged by the sheer audacity of it, he bit down and decided he didn't want to be hurt by her anymore.
“Go home. You're a child screaming at the capitol for change. Politics isn't about belief, it's about action. All someone like you can do is decide what you want to fight for. It's harder to make someone else believe the same thing. Because everyone wants to decide, otherwise coercion makes one of us the enemy.” He turned away, his eyes not wavering the entire time and he got out of the seat.
“Till the end. I never understood you.” She sighed. He swallowed the sting of the finality and pushed his chair in.
“Utah already has laws more lenient than even Pennsylvania. He just thought he could find a way to get a favour from me if he met you for lunch. You can't act like a child like this because people here know you as a means to me.” His voice was cold, factual. She got up, unable to bear the insult, leaving without another word.
Jaehyun returned to his table with a more resolute mind. When the Representative of North Carolina noticed him she began shuffling to get up.
“I really do have to go.” She said with rushed words.
“Sit Carol. I'll make it short.” His voice was curt, no longer polite. He slid into his seat and she looked up at him unsure of his intentions.
“I have always believed that we as lawmakers should do what we believe in. And that means we pick the side we believe.” He said, smiling at the relief that seemed to spark at the seam of her delipidating eyes.
“Yes that's exactly what I mean—” She began, exasperated.
“But you see Carol. When we take less honourable means, like take money from a large corporation to fund local riots on election day? I imagine even the monsters in your party will find this a tough skeleton to handle.” He stared through her as she sat up, more and more agitated.
“Your grandfather never told me he funded those rallies. You can't just extort me!” She whispered desperately. This time Jaehyun allowed his smile to spread wide.
“The money came from your campaign if the paper trail is correct, you were also in full knowledge of the nature of the riots and you even suggested the polling stations that would vote against you. My grandfather has no say in the money he donates. This isn't extortion Carol, it's an opportunity. I'm giving you the opportunity to do the right thing.” He pointed a finger at her as she huffed in indignation, making him smile wider, “Or go to jail for election fraud. It's quite simple. I don't care how you were elected as long as you make good use of the seat. Lawmakers who play dirty have to pick the side the one who caught them believes in—that's our 9-5. Have a good session.” He greeted before making his way, swallowing the bitter taste in his mouth.
After an entire day going through her written testimony for senate staffers, (Y/N) felt more exhausted than she ever had in her career. She understood now why the best lawyers never went to court, maybe she was a terrible one herself.
She crawled her way to a nearby bar, deciding the noise of living beings was better than the silence of her hotel room. The bar that was empty when she arrived slowly filled in with Capitol Hill employees as the day drew to an end. (Y/N) had to move to the bar at a server’s request— the unfortunate consequence of being alone. Slowly the murmurs turned to a chaotic amalgamation of voices: so loud that one didn’t even hear it— like incessant rain. She sighed and sank into the bar stool, regretting not picking the solitude of her hotel room over this. A drink slid across the marble bar counter gently and stopped when it touched her arm. She looked up at the disruption of her thoughts, vaguely familiar eyes were looking at her.
“I told you, you would be back.” He gave her the smallest smile. Her eyes lit up with recognition and he smiled wider, turning to face her this time, “I was afraid you wouldn’t recognise me. I’m Kim Doyoung, I didn’t have the opportunity to introduce myself last time.” He extended his arm to her.
When (Y/N) sat for a meeting with one of the representatives of Utah, she did so knowing his party allegiances. It was a hunch she had, the Conservative party was reeling from an embarrassment that was almost impossible to recover from. Yet, recovery was what they had to pursue. The future of democracy and the taste it left in people's mouth rested on the ability of the party to reform and show that the myth of government was stronger than a mistake president. It was obvious that more than anything, they needed a change of opinion. There was the re-emerge of bipartisanism in matters of the economy— truly, that was where the difference originally lay. The area of human interest though, was at the moment a grey area and her sitting down with a Republican representative was an attempt at gauging their willingness; the man himself was spinal fluid encased in skin— not an ounce of intelligence to his name and all the baseless ambition of an idiot, but the hive mentality of the party was more than skin-deep. She was waiting for the word to spread and had no doubt that her current audience was on a mission to gauge things himself, her only question was: why Kim Doyoung?
“We’ve met here before.” She said thoughtfully. Kim Doyoung, she knew that name, at this point who didn’t. Kim Doyoung, the infamous Republican Senator of New Hampshire. She realised now why this man looked vaguely familiar last time, given his relevance had risen since then. Kim Doyoung’s elder brother served as one of the most potent influences in government one hardly met— a lobbyist for the Episcopal church, the highest church in the country. It was no secret that the Republican party was reeling from a loss of faith and it was people like Kim Doyoung who were putting all their muscles into mechanising a comeback for the history books: the presidency was a natural assumption to make— at this point she could see it in their eyes.
Why would the irreproachable boy of unwavering faith even be risking this exchange?
She could tell that he was waiting for her to introduce herself, she also knew she wouldn’t need to. Instead, she waited for him to continue. He seemed to catch on after a moment and smiled to himself, his expression more clipped after the passing realisation. She smiled herself, now the playing field was level.
“It’s an admirable effort you are making.” His voice was less friendly this time.
“Excuse me?” She asked. Even for a politician, this man was condescending.
“All causes have a shelf life, more so now than ever before. It’s easy to grab people’s attention these days, not as easy to hold it. There are two things this country cares about right now, and you are on a mission for one of them.” She heard the soft clink of a heavy glass settling on the marble top and the agitation of the ice inside it, whiskey she noted. She thought over what to say, she could see the familiar glint in his eyes: when men in this city wanted something they always tried to make it seem like a favour.
“I don’t see why everyone I meet in this city thinks I’m here to start a revolution. I am a lawyer, I’m here to fight my client’s case, that’s my job.” She stared at the glass in front of her; as the condensation went from being a few beads on the transparent surface of the tumbler to a growing pool on the inky stone below it. A low chuckle radiating from Kim Doyoung’s throat.
“You are here to testify in the Senate, are you not?” He questioned dimly, she nodded at him with affirmation. He smiled to himself and nodded, “After Jung Jaehyun speaks, your testimony will have a significant raise in weight.” His voice sounded impressed, but his eyes held a subversive bitterness she couldn’t place.
“I fail to understand your implications.” She responded curtly, earning a chuckle.
“Forgive me, but we have all heard the same rumour. A bill is going to be introduced on the House floor tomorrow.” He kept his same relaxed smile, “First day, first bill.” He shrugged.
“Forgive me, but I think you are in a position to know better than me that I am no Representative. What is being introduced in the House is beyond my level of clearance.” She scoffed, sitting back on her chair. He smiled again, nodding like he pretended to understand before he picked up his own drink. He took a few sips, stretching the moment taut till it was a contention to see who let’s go first.
“Do you know why I know you would come back?” He asked. She bit her lip, he let go of the tension only slightly, urging her to the edge of caution. Then he spoke again, “You have that idealism in your eyes we all come here with." He gave her a smile like he was in on a secret before relaxing a little more into his seat and turning his amiable smile into a more premeditated wrinkle of his forehead, "A bill needs to pass in both the House and Senate, you’re already on an uphill battle with the House, you won’t make Senate.” His face relaxed but this time she could hear the edge in his voice.
“What do you want? Your threat isn’t going to do much with me. You can't scare me with the wrath of God either, so I suggest you get to the point.” She turned to gesture for the bartender, asking for a glass of water.
“We can sit with this bill, introduce it after some mediation. It will be passed without agitation and you will have your victory. Tell Jung Jaehyun to not force this bill onto the house, we will fight it with all we have if he does.” He finished his drink at that, pushing the glass away as her water arrived. She smiled to herself, now that he had voiced his intention she could finally relax— the next part was easy. She slid back the drink he had passed her way earlier, untouched. She realised distantly that the smirk on her face right now would be much like the one she'd seen on Jaehyun a few times, she wondered if this was in fact the rush he felt every time he had someone trapped between a wall of his words and it's intended meaning, like she was doing right now.
“I have no say over what happens in the house Mr. Kim, as you are making me reiterate. But as a spectator of your parties recent history, I can tell why you would want to pass a bill that can at least be pumped by biased media outlets as a bill in support of a new America. I can also make the assumption that once this cools down, you will be able to tailor the bill to your convenience and no one will care— who reads an entire bill anyway. You also will have the advantage of the issue becoming irrelevant, all issues have a shelf life right?” She paused, like she expected an answer to her hypothetical, “I am not a politician but I would assume that in that situation you would have my cake and eat it too and that is just impolite. Maybe you should negotiate the bill when it’s in the Senate and public outrage is still alive, then you will have a fight to give your all to.” She got up from her seat, picking up her purse, "*God as your witness." She mocked with a small scoff. He followed her movements with his eyes, getting up with her.
“When I entered the bar I didn’t expect a run-through of hypotheticals.” He straightened up, towering over her as he straightened his jacket and looked down at her, the ghost of a smile on his lips that flared annoyance in her for the first time since the exchange began. Something about politicians, with their need to clutch onto their arrogance like it was an extension of their dignity, never sat right with her.
“And when I entered this bar I didn’t expect to be insulted and underestimated. Nor did I expect to be threatened by filibuster tactics. Especially when I've never served a day in public office. I was expecting something more exciting. Is this how you Washington people approach everyone you recognise at a bar?” She all but rolled her eyes at him.
“Only the pretty ones with potential to make my job harder.” There was a sudden playfulness in his voice. Her day had been too long and she wasn’t attuned to flattery from any man anytime soon, nonetheless a politician. Yet her stomach dropped at the words, mostly at the lack of context it had to the conversation thus far. Her calculations so far put his intentions in one box, now she felt the onset of a headache. She gave him a blank, amused look and he let out a small laugh, still unfazed by her lack of enthusiasm for the conversation he so indelicately derailed.
“ Have a good day Mr. Kim, I hope we don’t cross paths again in the future, but I guess that is seemingly unlikely.” She asked for the cheque with a gesture, the way his lips lifted to a pleased smile made her roll her eyes.
“It’s a small town.” He chuckled and she didn’t turned away from him, facing the bartender to give him her credit card.
“We’re on opposite turfs Mr. Kim, and I don’t parley with Conservatives.” She tapped on the counter as she waited for the bartender to return, the Senator seemed to be in no rush to leave himself.
“I thought you weren’t a politician.” To this reply, she turned to him, assessing the glint in his eyes. She gave him one last radiant smile as the bartender approached, a smile she knew he’d remember.
“It’s the 21st Century Senator, everybody has a strong political identity. What a time to change the world is it not? Maybe I'll actually win. But you already know that right? Why else would you be here. Good bye.” She spoke as she cleared her tab and walked away without a glance. When she made her way out and finally looked back, he was seated again, watching her with thin feline eyes. When he noticed her gaze, he gave her one last smile before she walked away, her returned drink in his hand.
She stood at the corner of the street for a while now. The cold was slowly seeping into her bones and her teeth clattered against each other rampantly. She stood and thought carefully, letting the cold clear her head. His threat could be idle but she also didn’t know if it was her call to take that risk. She chewed on her bottom lip till it felt sore and then continued to chew on it anyway as she started pacing under the streetlamp, partially to assuage the cold and partially to aid her thinking. The Senate did have a smaller margin, but it was still very much a Republican majority. He had religion on his side, she realised with a surge of annoyance. Party loyalty would get the bill introduced, but once the church called, she smiled humorlessly at the prospect, she wondered how many would uphold political promises over loss of finances and the right to evoke the name of God in the next campaign cycle..
He also had the fillibuster. Just because he avoided the word so tactfully, didn’t mean that the intended presence of it was not noticed by her. She chewed on her bottom lip till the frozen blue skin broke and her mouth tasted of copper. He licked the inside of her lip to soothe the bleeding while she thought harder. The cold made it impossible to focus but her mind was rushing. Rushing with a mix of anger, frustration, exhaustion and above all indignation.
It shouldn’t have to be this hard. The government was supposed to protect people like Lily, but instead it sat on the threat of the seats of power, extorting and threatening in the name of not getting things done. It was something to brag when the other side curbed whatever the opposition sought to act on. One thing Kim Doyoung struck on was right, everybody in this city had idealism in their eyes— they wanted to change the world, with their names on a big banner: family name, party, beliefs— a labour of labels with which to fill a history book one day in a chapter high school kids skip.
There was a sick need for immortality in humanity that seemed to trickle down into this town, with people falling over each other, and more often than not their constituents, in search for their own glory, and taking away from others as if it added to theirs. She despised the genre that made up career politicians and she hated this town. Deep down she knew how she was acquainted with the type enough to abhor them so.
She hated this town.
“I hate this country.” She murmured to herself as she pulled out her phone. Her fingers were numb as she stared at the blank screen of her phone, there were two possible names to call on in this situation. She bit her lip again, wincing as the cold made the wound worse. Deciding on leaving it up to faith, she messaged both before stepping on the curb to hail a taxi. A reply from either would be surprising, yet the more unexpected one came through. She sighed, waving a cab to stop and gave the driver the address he sent.
She entered the lobby of the Watergate hotel, making her way to her second bar of the night— she noted. She walked over and sat down opposite a familiar face, deciding to ignore the triumph in his eyes.
“(Y/N).” The word felt wrong coming from him, like a foreign word he couldn’t pronounce and had no humility to learn how. “I would say you were the last person I’d expect to meet in the new year, but then that would mean I considered it at all.” He raised his glass to his lips leisurely— whiskey, she realised. He relished his sip before placing the glass down, “How uncourteous of me.” The cerner of her lips lifted dryly at those words, “Would you like a drink?” He asked and she shook her head.
“A glass of water would be nice.” Her voice held not an inkling of emotion, she made sure of it.
“(Y/N).” He said her name the same way again, instead of frowning she sat up.
“Jungkook?” She tilted her head and he smiled a little wider, sitting back. His flushed cheeks gave him away the moment she entered, but his laboured movements confirmed his intoxication. She wondered what she’d have to give to be respected in this town.
“If this is what I think its about, and it is, you’re asking for a lot.” The smile dropped from his lips as he gave her a pointed look, he really never had the ability to masquerade a poker face.
“I haven’t asked for anything yet.” She said simply, Jungkook smiled into his glass.
“Of course, that would be inappropriate.” He paused, when he looked up there was a trace of wistfulness, she pitied him at that moment. “But you are here. And you have an agenda.” He scoffed into his glass. She bit down her indignation in the face of his dismissal and took a long breath.
“The Senate.” To the uninitiated, that would sound odd. Jungkook raised his brow at her, giving her a laugh. “They need to vote for the abortion bill, I don’t need them all, just enough to avoid the three-fifth black hole of the Senate. Too many of them could be on the fence, they need a nudge.” She offered to him what she thought was a reasonable method of execution.
“And that’s where I come in? With my family's money?” He asked sourly.
“With your family’s influence.” She corrected him, “The conservatives will evoke their god, so it’s only fair that you evoke yours. You know you just need to ask, the fundraisers come later. Don’t make it sound like a bigger favour than it is.” To this Jungkook laughed, it was loud and laced with bitterness.
“And what do you expect me to do? Call more than half of the senate and ask them to vote against a bill that is clearly against party policy? For what? The promise of a large donation if any of them runs for president?” His brows furrowed more intensely as he was met with silence on her end, on her part she was taken aback by his stupidity, “What?” He snapped at her incredulous expression.
“Why would you even think I’d ask you to do something crass like that?” She asked with vocal confusion, Jungkook sat back with an uncomfortable readjustment of his posture, “There is one person you can call, who will do the work, and who would realistically have a shot at the presidency.” She explained to him slowly.
“Who?” She sighed at his lack of basic context.
“The Senate Whip,” you moron, she stopped short of adding, “The majority Whip, in case you’re confused.” She chimed in instead, giving him the time as his mind worked in front of her, soon enough he sat back with a grave face.
“How did I not realise how intelligent you are before? You were always so affable.” It didn’t sound like a compliment, as much it did an accusation.
“You were busy sleeping with my best friend,” She ignored the way he clutched his glass, hard enough to almost break it. “Now, will you do it or not?” She knew what the answer was, she just had learned from experience that it was better to let a man believe he had a choice in the matter.
This was her move, one she was saving all this time. Years ago, (Y/N) gave Jungkook’s grandfather some important guidance. One that saved his company from ruin. The company had just started talks to take over a steel company, that was when Jaehyun came to her— with a simple offer to get her a meeting with his grandfather. She offered to do it without the credit, in fact she would have done it just to ruin Sungjae, but in those days she still let her emotions override her decisions. She listened to Jaehyun though, and met with his grandfather. She told him that she’d been in Europe long enough to know names that mattered, Sungjae’s family had sold a part of their steel fortune to a Eastern European oligarch and the other they were planning on endowing onto him. The political climate of the time was enough for the deal to break, and some further investigation led Sungjae’s uncle to serve some time. She knew she would have gained gratitude otherwise, but meeting their grandfather earned her his respect.
“You don’t even pretend with the niceties, where did your infamous manners go?” He sat up, stalling the moment: he also knew she would leave the moment she got what she came for.
“You mistake my decorum for manners. We are not friends. I consider my decorum appropriate for our interaction. You just need to maintain yours and give me a straight answer.” She spoke plainly.
“This hotel has quite a rich history you know?” He spoke, consequently ignoring her.
“I was assuming you’d called me here for some underlying purpose, I didn’t think it was to make petty small talk.” She scoffed gently.
“She still won’t leave New Zealand, you know?” He sighed with a little emotion. She raised her brow, confused at his uncalled for confession, “We’ve been married for four years and between work, I only see her in summer when I visit her and Christmas when we go to our lodge in Aspen.” He looked up at her, a whisper of an urge in his eyes.
“I’m sure the distance at least keeps your heart fond. Or maybe you have the freedom to enjoy your free time indulging in infidelity— it is your favourite hobby.” She looked down her nose at his hunched form. He looked up at her with a frown, offended.
“You told everyone. What you did to her was vile.” His voice sounded tired.
“So was sleeping with your best friend’s boyfriend.” Her own face scrunched up, hating him in the moment to bring up such hateful memories, “And one’s own father.” She held back her grimace, Jungkook didn’t look up.
“It was my fault. You could have punished me. You ruined her life because you were hurt.” He seemed to be letting out a grudge long held. Since he kept his volume, she didn’t interrupt, smiling only after it.
“You were always so foolish. I always attributed it to that silly habit of yours, of seeing the best in things, or maybe it was a habit to underestimate. Hurting you would gain me nothing. You insulted me Jeon Jungkook. When you so tactlessly exposed your affair, people had more to say about me than they would have to say about you. They expect it from you, me they judged for staying with you, while others judged for not being enough for you, why would I not serve justice the way I deem fit? I’m not a despot, but you reap what you sow.” She paused and ironed out her frowned face, tapping her nails on the arm of her chair, “The way I see it her life is fine, she got away from that repulsive father of hers and married into one of the richest families in the western hemisphere. Her father will die soon, and that leaves his only daughter his entire gold fortune, that means you. If you want me to apologise for your rushed marriage without emotional connection, save it. I’m not your therapist. You humiliated me in front of my peers and in turn I gave you your Wedding of the Century magazine cover. If you still want to continue inquiring about who was wronged here we can have a line by line retelling of the past. Or would you rather just give me your answer so I can finally be exempt from this day?” She didn’t know she still held a bit of bitterness on her part, but she felt to have won this round of accusations.
“You made sure to have an audience to display my shame, yet nobody was around when you ended up at Jaehyun’s room that night. Do you really think I’m that foolish? He walks into my room with my peers and ends up with you grieving at his door. What a truly Jaehyun thing to do that was: burn down everything in his path because he wants something he can’t have.” Jungkook looked at her with a glare of accusation. Her throat was dry and she couldn’t risk swallowing in the fear he sensed her bewilderment. The fact that Jaehyun exposed the affair was news, but she wasn’t going to express that to JeonJungkook, “One glance constantly over his shoulder like he needed to keep an eye on you, when you were with me. What a patronising bastard, acting like it was his place.” He fumed visibly this time. She was still a little shaken, a lot of new information sprinkled haphazardly in front of her like a puzzle she needed to piece together. She decided to speak on one part.
“You flatter yourself, I was never yours. Don’t misunderstand my vengeance; I never loved you, nor was I hurt and grieving for you. I exacted justice so you’d finally understand just how you underestimated me. You thought I was some polished trophy you could beat your meat into because the victory of winning over your golden cousin got you off. I gave you the leverage to use me like a shag doll because you were meant to worship me for it. I was the best thing that ever happened to you, even when I left you I gave you a gift of a bigger name.You’re so inadequate, you blame him. Jaehyun never crossed a line, not then and definitely not now. You’re the one who wants to shift your blame, you’ve always been a little boy. You have no place talking about where I went after I found you in bed with my friend because somebody sent me a message to come see what my boyfriend was upto. You are, still after all these years, wasting my time.” She watched as he leaned closer on his seat, thinking.
“You already know you’ll get what you want. You let my grandfather know before me, I’ve been compelled to say yes to anything within our means, quite the impact you seem to leave. So stop insulting me (Y/N), it’s been many years and I don’t underestimate anyone anymore. I made a mistake but you are as deliberate as a sword with your justice. Get out, I don’t want to have to think about you before I go home.” She laughed out loudly at his admission.
When her taxi finally pulled up to the driveway of her hotel, she was so exhausted that she thought that the walk to her room would knock her out cold. It had started snowing and she watched the doorman open an umbrella as her taxi drove in.
“You should go inside.” She spoke up to the man as he rushed up to the open taxi door with the umbrella in his hand. The man gave her a small smile and stood in his place, “Right, it’s your job.” She gave him a smile as she remembered what the doorman had told her previously and got out of the car. She stopped at the reception desk to pick up her key from the man at the desk.
“There’s someone waiting for you at the bar Ma’am.” He informed her as he handed her the key.
“Who is it?” She asked, jarred. She lifted her wrist and checked her watch, it was midnight. When she looked back at the man she seemed reluctant to answer.
“He didn’t give his name Ma’am. But,” His voice trailed off before he looked away, “It’s congressman Jung.” His voice lowered a little.
She stared at the man for a small moment, like the words he said hadn’t translated into information yet. Truly, she was so tired it wouldn’t be uncharacteristic. She blinked twice a little heavily— she had sent him a text, she didn’t have the authority to be displeased.
“Thank you.” She mumbled to the receptionist before turning to the bar, the embrace of a warm bed becoming a distant possibility.
The bar was scarcely full, soft jazz playing with repetitive insistence, when she walked in— eyes wandering around before landing on the figure they seeked.
Jung Jaehyun was the kind of beautiful that was hardly unassuming. Infact, ever since puberty had made its place, it was obvious that Jung Jaehyun was a very attractive person, the kind that made people turn and look: it was something to be appreciated.
She knew for a long time though, that he wasn't meant to be touched. He was always dipped in infamy that way— not a tangible entity but a name bred through word of mouth: a creature of reputation. Men like Jaehyun didn’t really exist because their reputations preceded them so greatly, he was to everyone what they needed him to be and he hid his feet in shoes bigger than his size. It was easy to admire an enigma, but she had also learned how hard it was to love the man under it. It was because she admired the enigma so greatly, with the strength of a small star in her own right. Maybe it was her fault for not accepting his fate while being acquainted to it— you couldn’t separate the man Jaehyun was from the reputation he breeds of himself; and he could never really fully transform into the creature while also being a man she could love— sometime in the last few years, she became acquainted with that tragedy.
She approached where Jaehyun sat, head buried in his phone, his lower lip protruding like it always did at that angle. The enamel of his flag pin shining under the ceiling lights and casting a blinding reflection in her eye.
"Why are you here?" She spoke up when her toes landed on his heel. He looked up, confused at the interrogation.
"You texted me." He said evidently. She clenched her jaw; it shouldn't be so obvious, that he should show up and wait— she didn’t even want to ask how long he was waiting. She watched him a little dumbly, she had sent him a message, yes. But she did not expect him to show up at her lobby, she frowned over how he acted like her expectation of that very thing, was somehow warranted.
"I had then, but you didn't respond, so." She took a step back and sat at the seat opposite his.
"So you met my cousin? I heard. It's positively touching how concerned you are that I keep my job. If only the House cared about American employment as much as you, (Y/N)." His words were harsh, sour and bitter with an entitled betrayal he did not conceal.
"If you drove all the way here to tell me about that, I'll save you time. This isn't about you, not everything is. The bill isn't about you. Even if you convince the House, what happens after that is not in your control. You should have saved yourself the trouble, and used the energy you were going to waste on preaching to me, for the floor tomorrow." She vexed. Instead of replying to her snide remarks, he noted her unease.
“What is it? Why are you agitated?” He asked with concern, she wanted to groan. The real downfall of someone knowing you well was when they thought they knew you too much.
“I’ve been here a day and every person I meet has either patronised me or threatened me. I’m not agitated, I’m angry. Nothing happening is about you, any one of you.” He wanted to ask who she meant, but she continued “It isn’t about me either. This isn't about glory, it's about security. Everyone here treats this like a game. Your job is not a game Jung Jaehyun, why don't you take this seriously? Why don't you understand why I'm taking this so desperately seriously?" She sat back, looking away and taking a large inhale to control herself.
A waiter walked by a moment later, asking for an order. Jaehyun turned to his glass, gesturing for a repeat; after which he turned to her. She considered it for a moment, before she gave in. They both ordered a whiskey each.
"Why did you meet him?" He asked about Jungkook without indulging her other words.
"Do you know who Kim Doyoung is?" She asked him, something in his expression shifted and she realised that he had to have known him well.
"What did he want from you?" He asked, sitting up and pushing to the edge of the chair, till his knee touched hers.
"Time." She looked at him, up close Jaehyun's beauty burned in the same way it enamoured— she had to look away, "And the bill. Before you introduce it, I assume." Jaehyun looked at her, there was a state of confusion which wanted to feel betrayed in his eyes, she sighed at his lack of faith, "I didn't give him either. The bill isn't mine to give." She sat back, her knee pushing away from grazing his. Jaehyun's eyes fluttered down at the movement, a second's distraction from the world, starting to shift around him with slow laboured turns.
"And what was his leverage?" He asked like he already knew but was hoping for a different answer. If Kim Doyoung had dirt or bribe, Jaehyun would handle it with finesse, like he handles his other cut throat colleagues on a daily basis. But Kim Doyoung did not play outside court. He was a dirty fighter and one of the more efficient of the Conservative pool, but he never resorted to extortion.
"He's a Senator, Jaehyun." She looked at him knowingly and he sighed, rubbing the palm of his hand on his face vigorously, till it was red and he was more agitated. He hated the ‘F’ word of the Senate with passion.
"Fuck." He snapped into his hand.
"He won't kill the bill." She said with dead certainty. He pushed his hand into his hair, pushing the mop back and around till he let go and his hair fell on his forehead with a soft drop, free from the confines of its previous pushed back style. Like that he looked younger, but it just made him look his real age, she realised. He suddenly didn't seem like a congressman anymore, no more an enigma. At the moment, he was just her Jaehyun.
"That's why you went to him?" Jaehyun asked after a moment, not looking at her.
"Yes." She didn't hesitate.
"Kim Doyoung doesn't work like that. You can't bribe him, he believes in himself." Jaehyun explained to her.
"He doesn't need to. He can be the most honourable man in the Capitol. He still needs fifty nine other people for his threat to have any basis. The faith I have in this city guarantees at least a handful of those will cave into higher authorities." She seethed with an unseen fire under her exterior.
"No." Jaehyun spoke through gritted teeth, she turned to him a little surprised, he looked at her with a lost sense of frustration and continued, "He can have his beliefs, he still works clean. Why should I be any different? This bill isn't about me, I never said otherwise. But where it goes is a matter that I will be associated with and I will not be associated with bribery. I told you to stay out of this." He didn't look at her, like an adult disappointed in a child, his gaze avoided hers. “When Republicans shy away from the abortion debate, anyone would guess some form of suppression is involved. Do you think this is a movie? Where means justify the ends?” He questioned her, clearly too angry for his voice to dare with volume, “Means are what are used to discredit rivals in this city.”
"He came to me!" She countered, the table closest to them turned to her and she sat back, sinking into the cushion of her chair. When she looked at him, he was thinking hard and she somehow felt inclined to regret telling him.
"Your hearing." He looked into his glass, "From the rumours I hear, there will be only two Democrats in the entire panel. They're going to attack you.” His eyes wandered across the room as a realisation seemed to interrupt his thoughts, he then groaned into his hands before pushing it into his hair— it made him look exhausted, “That’s why you were speaking to McGail, he’s a weak link.” He avoided her gaze and she stared at his embarrassment with an apathy she found pleasantly surprising.
"Don't be apologetic, it's not a good look on you." She remarked and the right corner of his lips twitched up.
"I'm not. You still interfered with my ability to do my job." She turned to him, but he continued, "But I understand why you did it." He sat back sighing softly.
"Okay." Was all she could say, sitting up with a deep breath.
"You know they'll ask you about me right? How the timing of the whole thing looks like. The implications of the access." He warned after a moment’s silence, “It’s also an election year.” He groaned into his palm for what felt like the hundredth time in the span of the conversation. She didn’t want to admit that it was unsettling to see Jaehyun that helpless in the face of what was his strength.
“If they ask me I’ll turn it around.” She said earning a confused look from Jaehyun. He looked up and stopped before speaking, sitting back as the waiter arrived with a tray; he placed their ordered drinks and walked away, she continued, "I'll say that when you heard about the case, you asked me to pursue it. You were so moved by the story that you had to do something." She threw down the pine stirrer she was fiddling it like it was a gesture of finality.
"You would lie under oath to the Senate?" He questioned unalarmed, carefully waiting for her answer.
"It's not a lie. You care about this, and it is you I'm fighting for." She sat up, he bit the inside of his cheek visibly.
"How is this for me?" If he was perplexed or indicated, his voice didn't express it, only his eyes.
"I don't join fights I'll lose, Jaehyun." She pushed up on her seat, the distance reducing and her voice dropping with every word, "I'm fighting this one because you're at the other end, and I know you'll meet me halfway." She paused, a stutter in her breath, "Legislative and Judiciary. It's as solid as it can be." He watched her eyes, the familiar glint of an ideal in them. "Without one, the other is nothing." She finished. He waited for a moment as he decided his next words, she waited for him to speak.
"Work for me." He spoke as he looked at her eyes, there was a pause where her breath went in sharply. He had never asked her to work for him before this, it was never a question because they were dating; and when they weren’t anymore they didn’t speak. She knew that working for him would be the final nail in the coffin in their relationship. She knew she would have to keep getting him elected while he went on to Marry his all-American trophy wife.
"This could all be easier, you want to fight? We'll win them together, I'll give you fights worth losing too." He paused, looking at her for signs of relinquishment. "Just come work for the government of the greatest democracy in the world." He spoke with his politician voice.
She sat back with a soft groan, finally picking up her drink to moisten her throat. "That's up for debate in the twenty-first century." She scoffed, shaking her head like she was shaking off the idea.
"It still is. We still are. It's what we fight for in public service, we protect the idea of this nation." He reprimanded.
"And what about the nation meanwhile?" She raised a brow.
"That's what staffers do. Whether you like it or not. Politicians care about the numbers because we work for the people, that means we can only do two things. We either do what the people want," he paused and she tapped her nail on her chair impatiently at his dramatics, rolling her eyes and emptying her drink. "Or we get them to care about what we want enough." He sighed like the thought was exhausting, she had to agree.
"And Staffers?" She filled the silence out of impulse, her voice hoarse from the whiskey slipping down so urgently.
"But staffers work for us. Their job is to find how to make people care, government staff are the most important people in this country." He almost flattered.
"Yet nobody is electing them in the world’s greatest democracy?" Her voice was a mix of skepticism and curiosity.
"They elect us to do that part." He smiled, a short laugh escaping from his chest.
"Remind me next time to file a writ to change the name to the United Republic of America. Has the right ring to it." She chuckled humorlessly. (Y/N) got out of her chair a moment later, her drink weighing her movements down and making her regret her decision to order it, "I have to go now. I'll have to meet someone from the Senate staff tomorrow.
"You didn't answer me." He questioned and she sighed a little louder, "Listen to me. You could have a future here." He proposed
"No." She halted him, "I don't. The people here are condescending and suspicious by nature. They're bad and shrewd and just plain mean. I don't like it." As she walked away from him in an attempt to end the conversation, he followed.
His voice, laced with vivid confusion, followed as he matched her fast strides, "It's not about whether you like it or not." He stepped back with a halt, realising she came to a stop by the elevator. "I'm telling you that you have a talent. Now that talent could either give you a nice comfortable job getting rich off the worst people." He sighed, looking at her a little earnestly when she turned to him, like he hoped. "Or you could use it to do something about the world we live in, to have it mean something. Come on, I know you see it, what I see." He touched her cheek so tenderly, she froze. "Living could mean something if we leave a mark. We can." He urged.
"I can't work for you Jaehyun." Her voice came out a small whisper as she stepped back, "it's not about any of this. I just can't work for you."
"I won't cross a line if you decide to. We'll keep a professional distance." He surrendered. She turned to him with confusion and contempt.
"I'm not you. I can't just turn it off, I love you too much." She paused as the words slipped out of her mouth, closing her eyes as she accepted the moment, coming to terms with her uncalled for confession, her eyes remained closed, "I love you too much and I can't just come work for you like that doesn't exist." She stepped back from him.
"Don't say that like it would be easy for me. I'm just trying to get what I can (Y/N) god damn it." He stepped back himself, groaning with frustration as he angrily ran his fingers through his hair, "Why do you make it so hard? You say it like I have to pick between loving you and giving you the job you deserve to have.” He groaned harder, pacing around a little like he was trying to walk off his emotions.
“Because that’s the reality Jaehyun. You’re in a relationship with a girl, now you want me to work as Capitol staff. I’ll be paid by taxpayers if I do, do you really think it would sit well if they found out about us? All of sudden people are going to wonder if you hired me for my talents in politics or in bed and whatever credibility I build by desperately working on this writ and talking to stubborn politicians, will disappear faster than you can say ‘conflict of interest’. This country has a vile history with political scandals Jaehyun, I do not want my head on a spike to set an example. It’s not like you’ll be able to do anything then, if even you wanted.” She stopped, letting go a deep breath like it was symbolic of the burden on her chest.
“You still don’t trust me.” Jaehyun shook his head, smiling sadly to himself.
“The last time I trusted you, you left me for your Father’s approval.” She stopped speaking, running her own hands through her hair. She regretted speaking immediately, it was unnecessary to bring up the past and she knew it— especially standing next to a Hotel elevator. But it were moments of outbursts like this that seemed to bring out the depth of affection from both sides, the polarity was currently giving her a headache.
“I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair.” (Y/N) spoke after a silence, “I’m tired, I have had a dissapointing day, but that’s no excuse. I shouldn’t have said that, it doesn’t matter.” She sighed again; her voice was small now, and it kept sinking in on itself. She finally turned to call the elevator.
“You didn’t answer me.” His voice reflected hers, she only stared at the elevator door in reply.
When the elevator opened he felt a sense of urgency that increased only when she got on. He ignored it and turned away. But as he walked away and heard the elevator door start to whir to close behind him, he found himself turning around and placing his hand on the door. She looked at his hand, then his face— shocked by the sudden outburst.
"For what it's worth." He paused, biting the inside of his cheek for a moment's hesitation before speaking on, "I have never given you a reason not to trust me." He stepped inside, letting the elevator door close behind him. They stood at a distance, watching each other. She waited for him to continue. He exhaled sharply, "You know that. Of course you do." He exasperated, "We don’t have the smoothest path or the sweetest story, but our problems are always situations, it was never each other." He took a step closer, she took a step back. But his resolute eyes had her attention, "You can say that you hate me, that my actions caused all if this and I’ll agree. But how can you think that?" He asked her.
"Think what?" Her voice came out recoiled and sharp, he let it graze past.
"That I would not do everything in my power to fix it." He demanded. “I need to know that you knew that all this time, all these years."
"You couldn't even admit that to the next person we encounter." She scoffed, looking up and blinking her blurred sight away as she kept her forgiving eyes in check. "So please don't do all this again. I have things to do that are more important.” She turned away from him, the sound of the elevator proceeding to be the only noise between them.
When her floor arrived she stepped out silently, turning back only at the sound of his footsteps.
"Don't get off. I mean it." Her voice was without edge but solid in its conviction. Jaehyun's steps faltered as he looked up confused, "Just go home. I have a meeting at 8 am." She sighed as he took a step on the elevator, halting it.
"The Senate," Jaehyun began like he was trying to explain.
"I don't have any political points to lose Jaehyun. All they can do is shake me up." She looked down at her shoes and smiled to herself, looking up at him, "I'm not scared; I believe in what I'm fighting for, they can't hurt me." She tried to hide a laugh, Jaehyun just watched in silent splendor. "They have politics points to lose, and I'll hit them like the cold January air." She let herself laugh. There was a pause where he just watched her a little.
"After the hearing every person, down to the interns, will know who you are. That is the day you start counting your political points. I want you to remember, when people at the hill start offering you things, remember everything you said just now." His face was numb the way it was when he was talking about politics. Her reply was confusion. "Choose the fight you believe in. Good night (Y/N)." He turned around and went into the beeping elevator. She watched as the door closed on her face. She walked away, towards her room, feeling heavy under the weight of the Capital.
#jaehyun scenarios#jaehyun imagines#jaehyun smut#nct scenarios#nct imagines#yuta#doyoung#political!au#ambition series
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1000 Followers + Mutual Appreciation Post!!
IT’S HERE MY DUDES I HAVE ACTUALLY REACHED 1000 FOLLOWERS
To my lovely and amazing followers: Thank you so much for always being so supportive and looking out for posts and imagines whenever they come out!! thank you for actually following me and putting up with my weirdass self. But I’m so grateful for each and every one of you, and I hope you’ll all stick around with me as long as I’m here!
And shout out to my 1000th follower: @thelifeofamultistan!!
And finally, to my amazing and talented and beautiful and just absolutely spectacular mutuals!!!!:
@lovingyun: G A B B Y I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SM GABBY I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR BEING MY BEST FRIEND EVER I’M SO GRATEFUL FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND ALL OF THE MEMES YOU HAVE SENT ME ALWAYS BRIGHTEN MY DAY AND I PROMISE YOU I’M TRYING TO GET A GOLF CART SO WE CAN YEET ACROSS THE COUNTRY ON ROLLER COASTERS AND I JUST APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH GABBY I LITERALLY LOVE YOU THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK AND STREAM UNDER THE ROSE
My bouquet for you: Geraniums and Hydrangeas!
Geraniums: True Friendship
Hydrangeas: Gratitude for Being Understood, Heartfelt Emotion
This bouquet from me to you shows my gratitude for everything you’ve done for me. You’re always there for me when I need it and understand me even when I can’t understand myself.
@choi-yeonjunz: Eunhee thank you for being amazing and kind in literally every way, shape, and form, you’re literally the sweetest person I know!!! I’m so flattered that you’re always so excited about everything I post and how you compliment and support me on everything it makes me UWU!! Your writing has come really far recently, and I’m so proud!!
My bouquet for you: Narcissus and Smilax!
Narcissus: Stay as Sweet as you are
Smilax: Loveliness
This bouquet from me to you shows my desire for us to keep being friends! And for you to keep the positive attitude and sweet personality you have for as long as you’re here.
@multi-yang: Eunji you are the absolute best! Thank you for being so supportive when some people decide to try and mess with me. We both know that somehow most of the kids I find myself around are always trying to test me, and I always appreciate your witty and understanding remarks! Your writings are always amazing, I love when they pop up into my feed!!
My bouquet for you: Alstroemeria and Yarrow!
Alstroemeria: Friendship
Yarrow: Everlasting Love
This bouquet from me to you shows my gratefulness for your supportive friendship. I hope we can be friends forever!
@seunguwusss: MJ you are just a spectacular hooman being!! Thank you for always being supportive and willing to fight Andrew cause he can’t get things through his thick head apparently. But I love all of our interactions because it makes me uwu bc you’re so sweet owo… and your writings maKE ME OWO
My bouquet for you: Stock and Amaryllis!
Stock: You’ll Always be Beautiful to me
Amaryllis: Worth Beyond Beauty
This bouquet from me to you shows my admiration for your constant kindness and beauty. Your friendship to me means a lot and I hope you know that you are beautiful!
@pettyminhee: I always enjoy the little conversations we have!! I hope we can continue to talk more! Your writings and stories are top tier as well!
My bouquet for you: Yellow Roses and Lemon Balm!
Yellow Roses: Friendship
Lemon Balm: Sympathy
This bouquet from me to you shows that I wish to become better friends! And that I have shared sympathy for our pimple struggles cnonwocnown
@naomisimagines: You are literally the cutest Naomi! I’m glad I found a fellow passionate kpop and Pokemon fan!! I love talking to you about Pokemon and our favorite boys. And your writing is spectacular!! I hope we can keep talking more!!
My bouquet for you: Sunflowers and Yellow Tulips!
Sunflowers: Adoration
Yellow Tulips: Sunshine in your Smile
This bouquet from me to you shows my adoration for you kind nature, which leads me to believe you probably have the cutest smile ever!!
@chajvnhos: I’m so glad we became friends! I know we haven’t talked much recently, but I hope you are doing well! Not only are you an amazing writer, you’re also really talented at drawing! I hope we can talk more soon!!
My bouquet for you: Coreopsis and Gerbera Daisies!
Coreopsis: Always Cheerful
Gerbera Daisies: Cheerfulness
This bouquet from me to you shows how I see your bright personality!! I appreciate all of the compliments you’ve given me and it’s always nice to hear from you again!
@minheefreckles: I know we only recently started to get to know each other, but I’ve loved getting to know you! We should definitely continue getting to know each other!! Your writings always blow me away and I’m glad we’re friends.
My bouquet for you: Azaleas and Freesias!
Azaleas: Take Care
Freesias: Thoughtfulness
This bouquet from me to you shows how I hope you are taking care of yourself and are doing well, even when we don’t talk. Keep up the great work!
@junhosworld: Thanks for reaching out to me (and for that anon pointing out your story)! You are so talented and kind and I love talking to you about all the rude people at our schools, we should certainly talk more once I’m officially on break!! Your writings… beyond amazing!! 112/10
My bouquet for you: Lavender Heather and Wallflowers!
Lavender Heather: Admiration
Wallflower: Faithfulness in Adversity
This bouquet from me to you shows how I wish for the two of us to continue being friends, even when times become difficult and we can’t talk much. And to stay strong when the people around us are bein wack.
@junholy: Eliza we haven’t talked in forever, but I appreciate you!! I’m sorry I’ve been so busy, but thank you for being a great and supportive friend! I look forward to hearing how you’re doing! And your writings are absolutely spectacular, I’m sad I didn’t discover you sooner!
My bouquet for you: Ivy and Myrtle!
Ivy: Friendship
Myrtle: Good Luck
This bouquet from me to you shows how I wish I had more time to talk to you to upkeep our friendship, but that I am also wishing you well in the times when we can’t talk much.
@leeeunsangs: Vyvi you are the absolute cutest!!!! uwu the svt world tour is coming up soon and I can’t wait to meet you there! You are a dancing queen! Thank you for being so kind to me when I first came here to tumblr. I hope you are doing well and I cannot wait for your next writing/dance cover so I can tell you how absolutely amazing it is!!
My bouquet for you: Coral Roses and Coriander!
Coral Roses: Friendship
Coriander: Hidden Worth
This bouquet from me to you shows how much I treasure our friendship! You are worth so much more than you know, not just to me, but to others as well.
@seungwoowonit: Thank you for being so, so, so supportive!! It means the world that you give me your support! I promise I’ll talk to you again soon, as soon as I am on break!
My bouquet for you: Pink Carnations and Leaf Roses!
Pink Carnations: I’ll Never Forget you
Leaf Roses: Hope
This bouquet from me to you shows that I’ll never forget your everlasting support and hopeful attitude when it comes to everything. And that I hope we will become better friends as time goes on!
#thank you everyone#the fact that it hasn't been even a half a year and I already am at 1000 is insane#I hope everyone likes their bouquets!#I thought long and hard about how I would arrange them too#so sad that I can't actually give them to y'all#but take my everlasting love and appreciation!!#everyone who supports me in any way has my whole heart#happy holidays everyone! this is my gift from me to you.#<3
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Why Wisdom?
Psalm 90:12, 14
So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Satisfy us in the morning with your loving kindness, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
How often do you think about death? Ever had some kind of near death experience that gives you a quick rush of reality? Maybe you were scared of a diagnoses from the doctor at some point in life? If any of the above ever applied to you, in those moments you probably felt a little different.
Sadly, I’ve seen a lot of people on their death beds. But oddly enough, those become times of reflection, and where you hear some of the most amazing transformations and turnarounds in spirit that you may ever hear of on earth. It’s almost like everything else gets so small and purposeless, and love takes center stage. Theses moments have lead to friendships being rekindled, true emotions being shown, and often times that person gets to realize who they always wanted to be, but couldn’t find time to be because they sought the world and became untangled in the ways of every day life. They got busy, and forgot how to love.
Well lucky for you brother, that doesn’t have to be the case! If you have breathe in your lungs, you have the opportunity to learn the lesson to apply this to your life for the rest of your days! God himself teaches us to number our days so that we can have a heart of wisdom. Anyone lacking wisdom, should ask God, and he will supply them abundantly. So if wisdom is what we need, where do we find it at?
Scripture says the beginning of wisdom is the fear of The Lord. The Lord himself says, “Learn to number your days, to gain wisdom.” Wisdom herself has a lot to say about how you can walk in relation with her, in the book of Proverbs. Also, some Christians refer to other books in the Bible as wisdom literature, and those books are: Proverbs, Psalms, Job, Song of Songs, and Ecclesiastes. So there’s a bunch of places to go seek here out, but for now, let’s just focus on the verse for today.
We see in the very next line, what seems to be a request to The Lord, “Satisfy us in the morning with your loving kindness, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.” It’s pretty obvious why you would want to start your day off like this, who doesn’t want to be glad for all of their days. But how often is that the case? Well how often are you applying wisdom as the foundation of how you start your day?
All too often we get swept up by responsibilities, and forget who we are, what we do, and why we have come to do it. Some neglect people who need them the most for worldly priorities that they have taken on, and this causes them to fall short in the relationships that they also need the most. Often times we find ourselves doing less for those who need us the most, but cover it with an excuse to justify our reasons of why we continuously come up short.
But if God himself is in ultimate control, imagine what life would be like taking time in the morning to put him first. The Lord might just show you what’s important vs what is a distraction. He might just remind you of what he has put in your life to nurture, and what you should get rid of. So, what do you do to create the change? Remeber who is in control and give it to him. To answer with scripture it says, “The way you get wisdom is fear of The Lord.” Fear of The Lord, comes from faith, and faith comes from hearing the word of God. So we now have a connection as to how we can find joy, and dorioritize our lives in accordance to his will! Is it satartinf to make sense? Let’s continue to read some more about wisdom!
Scripture says in James 3:17 “Wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” Isn’t that how you would want people to treat you? Is this not a great reminder to start your day with so you know how to be able to treat others in your walk with Christ? Every day we are faced with opposition on all sides. Instead of succumbing to it, we can oppose it. We can literally deal a fatal blow to hate, with a response of loving calmness that comes only from Christ spirit living within us.
My encouragement for you today is to walk into every interaction you have with others, with love and compassion that supersedes anger, frustration, lack of understanding, or fear. We shine brightest when we go through trails and tribulations just like other people, but we have a conditioned response of love when faced with adversity. People see our peace in the presence of turmoil, and can’t understand how we are so calm, and able to address and assess the situation with love, care, and compassion. That is what makes them attracted to our testimony. When you react like everyone else, you loose it because you are now responding no different than the world.
We all make mistakes, but it’s the training we go through that helps us become better at representing Christ. One of the wildest verses I’ve ever seen in scripture is, “Even though Jesus was God’s Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered.” Christ himself learned obedience, that obedience was wisdom working itself out through love, action, and truth! So don’t ask for life to be easier, ask for the wisdom to represent Gods love in the face of adversity daily. This will attract many souls to the kingdom of heaven, making you productive, efficient, and effective for Gods kingdom. 8
In closing I just want to leave you with one last verse that I think may bless you in your walk. Proverbs 3:13-18 “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding, for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold. She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.”
Be blessed my brothers!
From the front lines- ES
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[SIZE=1]
[b]Name:[/b] Jess.
[b]Age:[/b] 21.
[b]How did you find us?:[/b] I blame Danni AND Joe.
[b]Name:[/b] Victoria Eden Moreau.
[b]Nicknames & Aliases:[/b][LIST]Eden Morrison; Fake ID, obviously.
Tori Babe.
Vicky.
Toria.
Psychotic Hell-Bitch.
[/LIST][b]Age:[/b] 35
[b]Date of Birth:[/b] August 7th, 1977.
[b]Gender:[/b] Female.
[b]Sexual Orientation:[/b] Heterosexual.
[b]Occupation:[/b] High school PE teacher, former supernatural and occult hunter.
[b]Species:[/b] Lion.
[b]Description:[/b]
[IMG]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ERJonp0xx1s/Tnqd6kffXjI/AAAAAAAAArE/NWtjP-3SVXo/s640/002-LIONESS-RESTING%2540body.jpg[/IMG][LIST]If it looks like a lion, smells like a lion and growls like a lion, it’s obviously a domestic house cat ready to bite your face off. Victoria’s animal form is pretty average, there’s nothing remotely distinctive about her. She may look a bit ragged at time, but the large tawny gold cat is hardly going to blend in with the UK scenery no matter what. In her feline form, she weighs in at 400lbs of muscle and tamed aggression and stands at 3’6 at the shoulders. From her nose to the tip of her tail, Vic’s a pretty average 8’3.
[/LIST][b]Do you have a hybrid/alpha form?:[/b] [URL=http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2010/136/b/b/__Lioness_Line_art___by_sirius_spirit.jpg]Indeed she does.[/URL][LIST]Her hybrid form is more for show than anything else, just something to give her a little extra kick when her full feline form doesn’t provide her with it. She doesn’t turn into some raging half beast, half woman form either. Standing a little taller than her human form at 5’11, and weighing in at 280lbs, she’s covered from head to toe in golden fur and looks like the perfect mix of feline and human. She has claws in this form, never forget that, and fangs, and oh! She can talk even though it’s a lot more growly than her human voice is.
[/LIST][b]Rank:[/b] Adwar.
[b]How long has your character been a lycanthrope?:[/b] 24 years (infected at age 9).
[b]Mind-Set:[/b] Dominant.
[b]Power level:[/b] Alpha.
[b]Abilities:[/b] [LIST]
[*] [b]Speed:[/b] Like all lycanthropes, she’s fast on her feet and can move faster than the human eye can see if she uses her alpha speed.
[*] [b]Strength:[/b] She’s stronger than your normal human. She’s not the strongest lycanthrope out there due to her size, but she can go head to head with a vampire and with a bit of luck, over power them.
[*] [b]Durability:[/b] Victoria can heal almost any wound like most shifters can, bar decapitation and wounds caused by fire and silver. Wounds caused by more dominant lycanthropes and vampires heal slower. Almost human slow.
[*] [b]Senses:[/b] Vic has extremely acute senses like most shifters. She can sometimes tell when someone’s lying to her face by the change in the other persons scent.
[*] [b]Partial Shifting:[/b] She can shift hands and teeth into those of her animal or focus on shifting into a full blown hybrid form instead of a full shift from human to lion.
[*] [b]Block A Vampires Call:[/b] It takes a bit of energy on her side but she can block out the call of a vampire up to 900 years old and extend that shielding to weaker werelions. Anything over 900 hurts her too much to block.
[*] [b]Shield her Beast:[/b] She can lock her animal aura away and pull off the human vibe to most lycanthropes except from stronger alphas, and in some cases, stronger Master vampires since from her experience, they can force her lion to show itself. She does this on a day to day basis when it comes to her job.
[/LIST][b]Face Claim:[/b] Charlize Theron.
[b]Description:[/b]
[IMG]http://www.topnews.in/light/files/Charlize-Theron5.jpg[/IMG][LIST]Victoria isn’t that outstanding to tell you the truth. She’s almost you’re typical blonde – though she’s got a thing for dying her hair other colours at times. She’s got the curves and the legs but the eyes, they’re not human. As a result of staying in her animal form when she as younger for longer than she should, her eyes are those of her lion’s. Of course, she hides them behind hazel green contacts that she never takes out unless she has to do so, she knows better. She’s pretty slim; and only 5’9, and a half inches tall, weighing in at 140lbs of toned muscle, that it’s pretty easy to work out that she’s fond of working out and keeping fit.
She’s not one for style; Vic just doesn’t understand the appeal of having the latest fashion accessories. Of course that doesn’t mean she doesn’t splash out on things like makeup now and then, but that’s purely for work interviews, she finds it works a hell of a lot better being ‘appealing’ then being herself. Whatever works huh? She’s more comfortable in reliable jeans and t-shirts; a nice pair of boots doesn’t go amiss or a leather jacket. Since she’s hung up her hunting gear though, there are fewer holsters for weapons. When she’s at work, its sports gear. Tracksuits for when it’s cold out, shorts and polo-shirts when it’s warmer.
Identifying marks are a little easier to describe. She has her fair share of scars, though most are long since faded. The most notable ones are what look to be claw marks curving down over her right hip. They’re just three jagged lines really, and she doesn’t talk about them ever. Her second most notable scar was given to her by a hunter that thought he was being clever and had all the time in the world, he put a silver hunting knife through her shoulder and left it there so it burnt her after he’d incapacitated her. Now, she’s not a fan of big tattoos but she does have two small ones of her own. A koi fish above her right ankle, and a small flower on the top of her right foot. The flower was gotten on a whim, but the koi is supposed to represent strength, determination, and persistence in the face of adversity. The only other thing that comes to mind is that her ears are pierced twice on both sides.
[/LIST][b]Weapons of Choice:[/b][LIST]
[*] Fangs, claws, full blown lion form. It’s fun to get messy!
[*] She rarely hunts these days, so she’s hung up her holsters.
[*] She does have a butterfly knife she carries regularly.
[*] Has a necklace with a small vial of holy water attached. Just in case.
[*] A white gold charm bracelet with holy items from different faiths.
[/LIST][b]Special Skills:[/b][LIST]
[*] She used to – and still does if a hunt crops up that tickles her fancy – ingests holy water to stop vampires from taking a bite out of her. Since she hasn’t hunted anything since late 2008, it’s not going to bother any vampires unless she starts up again.
[*] She knows how to fight, mostly brawling and that’s what she relies on. However she’s dabbled in Krav Maga (grade: G1), and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (grade: Purple belt) over the last 10 years. It always surprises people when they learn this.
[*] She can speak French and Italian, not fluently but enough to get by, she’s also learning German and in the future, hopefully Spanish unless she forgets.
[*] Gets and knows the basics when using guns. She’s more a blade kind of girl anyway.
[*] Not a half bad thief, - when she needs the money - if she does say so herself.
[*] Did a three year “general” sports course followed by her PGCE and QTS. She’s pretty proud of that, so don’t knock it!
[/LIST][b]Personality:[/b] [LIST]Victoria isn’t actually that loud of a person in most respects, she’s the type of person that would rather sit and wait and have something to say rather than open her mouth and spew a bunch of pointless words just to hear the sound of her own voice. Then again, she was an ‘attack dog’ for a long time, and when you’re beat as a kid to learn how to hold your tongue, things sort of stick to you. When she speaks, she doesn’t raise her voice in anger unless it’s to get a point across – and when she does need to get a point across it’s normally accompanied by a blunt object of some sort if need be -, but she does get listened to. It just another part of whom she is, people just think she doesn’t have something to say when in actual fact; she’s just watching and waiting for a chance to pounce. She knows that she’s not the most relaxed of people, that’s for sure. However when you get past the creepy silence, she does brighten up a bit. She’s a loyal lass and keeps her word, even though she has her trust issues, but she doesn’t always think things through fully. She’s used to bulldozing her way through issues in her life, and then dealing with the fallout afterwards. Protective of what’s hers. Practical and strong willed she’s not likely to be cowed by someone playing mind games; in fact the last time someone tried that, she broke their arm without blinking.
She even smiles, though it’ll often be accompanied with a wiseass remark or comment. It is almost like she’s care free and forgets about all the crap she’s gone through to get where she is today. She’s loving and caring, hell she even cares though it doesn’t normally come off as most would expect it from a she-cat that could snap at a moment’s notice and become a big cat. While it may look like she has no control over her animal side, she’s got it, people have assumed that she has next to none and that has been their downfall. Oh yeah, she’s more than a little mental! If you push her, she’ll push back, only most people seem to forget she’s more on the animal side then most shapeshifters are and she loves that. She’s not afraid of her animal instincts and embraces them to the point that sometimes she doesn’t want to be human anymore but then she sees what she has and pushes to be normal.
Her views on vampires are slightly [i]skewed[/i] however. Having been used by a lion calling master for years, she has a distaste for anything over a hundred years old, sure she can curb her tongue and be civil to the creatures but present her with a lion caller – even Mikhail got snapped at – and she’ll do everything in her power to make it clear that she won’t become another and she won’t allow anyone in the Pride to be one either. This can be displayed in sarcasticness, threats and violence and promises of death. She just doesn’t like the creatures that can bend her like a crazy straw if it suited them. It’s driven by fear, something she’s not exactly sure how to react to and falls back on her more comforting animal nature to deal with it. As far as the rest of the supernatural world, well, as long as they don’t try and harass the Pride or start something they can’t finish with the people she cares about then she won’t bother them.
[/LIST][b]Likes:[/b][LIST]
[*] Swimming.
[*] A good strong drink after a hunt.
[*] Taking to the country roads on her bike and just driving until she can't.
[*] Making known bullies fear her. Doesn't matter if they're kids or adults or anything else.
[*] Spending time in her lion form, she doesn't do it as much as she used to do so.
[*] When she can surprise someone by doing something.
[*] Reading when she can get five minutes peace, normally during first break at work.
[*] Not being dragged into supernatural turf wars, she joined the pride to stop that.
[*] Protecting the Jackford pride. Bradon Mackenzie gave her a home.
[*] Chinese food. Don’t ask her why, she just does.
[/LIST][b]Dislikes:[/b][LIST]
[*] Getting a ticket because she’s left her bike in the wrong place.
[*] People that don't pull their own weight. You either sink or swim.
[*] Being touched in lion form by people she doesn't know. She tends to bite
[*] Having to clean her apartment. If it doesn't bother her, she doesn't bother it!
[*] Parent/Teacher night. She'd take a feral shifter over that.
[*] Doctors and medical types. Being poked and prodded? No thanks.
[*] Being cornered. Have you ever seen an angry lion cornered? It's not nice.
[*] Vampires that force themselves on others. It's not so bad when it’s voluntary.
[*] Poor weapons maintenance. What is wrong with some people?
[*] Being told she's over emotional just because she's female.
[/LIST]
[b]Strengths:[/b] [LIST]
[*] Very familiar with her feline form, she shifts quicker because of this.
[*] Doesn’t care if she gets hurt. In fact, she’d put herself in the firing line to save people she cares for.
[*] Good tracking skills, urban or otherwise.
[*] Isn’t easily backed down with threats and tends to laugh when they’re given.
[*] Trusts her gut instinct rather than follow others unless she trusts them.
[*] Loyal to people she trusts. Sometimes, even to those that just put up enough money.
[*] She can hold her tongue and temper in check if she wants.
[*] Knows a bit about witchcraft and the herbs used in most healing balms.
[*] Very fast and agile, good for when she’s working with heights in the gym.
[*] Still has a fair few contacts from her days as a hunter that she calls up when needed.
[/LIST][b]Weaknesses:[/b] [LIST]
[*] She has a bit of a one track mind at times.
[*] Doesn’t always notice when she’s treading on thin ice.
[*] Silver. She may’ve been a lion for a long time, but that stuff still hurts.
[*] Comes off antisocial at times.
[*] Her anger issues tend to put a crimp in certain things.
[*] She doesn't have a good grasp on that 'relationship' thing. It's been
[*] Practical in a way, she won’t blink twice at putting someone down if it means protecting others. Even if she's seen as a monster afterwards.
[*] Doesn't trust many people at her back. There’s like four people out of billions.
[*] Tends to spend a lot of time in her lion form, pushing the limits.
[*] Can rarely tame that persistent stubborn streak.
[/LIST][b]History:[/b] [LIST]Thomas and Natalie Moreau never took another hunt once they found out that they were due to have a baby together. They were hunters by blood, marriage and by trade; they did everything to stop the supernatural from infecting their ‘world’ and to keep people safe, but they would not endanger their soon to be daughter and in the august of 1977, their baby girl Victoria was brought into the world kicking and screaming like any normal babe and her parents officially hung up their weapons holsters and retired as hunters. Thomas took on a new job as a property developer that worked in and around Lancaster where they lived, and Natalie worked full time as a house wife. Together they doted on their child as Victoria grew up, giving her anything and everything that she wanted. Like any princess, she even had a pony at one point.
The happy little family however was torn apart just before Victoria’s ninth birthday, as the small farm house that the family owned was torn apart by rogue werelions and wolves, headed by a particularly vicious vampire who seemed to know all about her parents who were shocked by his apparent survival. The scariest thing of all for Victoria wasn’t that lions were everywhere or big werewolves; it was the Asian vampire Khan. The right side of his face was thick with holy water scars, the eye socket a gaping hole and mouth a jagged gash. Khan was one of the very few vampires that had ever escaped her parents, and he delighted on tearing through her mother’s mind and body as a werelion held her father back. When Khan was done with Natalie, he turned his attention to Victoria and forced a rather nasty looking lionman to tear into her young body before simply snapping her father’s neck. She should’ve died, would’ve died except werewolf alpha Jacques Rousseau had other ideas.
The wolf didn't take pity on her, far from it. When Victoria regained full consciousness now and again, she was told that she was Khan's new 'pet'. What better way to scare off hunters than by using the spawn of two fairly vicious hunters against them, it was put to her, before she was told that she had only survived because she'd contracted lycanthropy. Being a young lass, she didn't believe it. She screamed and raged and howled for her parents thinking it was a bad dream. It was only really brought home when Jacques, sick of the whelps screaming brought in a lion to teach her a lesson. Miranda was only slightly less cold than the werewolf, but under orders, she tore the beast from Victoria's body. Over and over, and over. Eventually, Victoria started to submit and forget about being who she really was and it was exactly what Khan wanted. Oh he had his pride and pack of bumbling misfits that had been thrown from their various clans for treasonous acts or for having broken the law, be he didn't have one animal at his command that would do simply as he asked, no if's buts or maybes.
By age 14, Victoria was a feral but suitably tamed little lion. She would sit pretty for Khan when he wanted to make a point in a business deal and she’d attack when given the order. Her first real kill wasn’t a goat or even a chicken; it was a frail old woman that owed Khan housing rent for staying in a housing complex he owned. Victoria snapped her neck and left her body where it dropped much to Khan’s displeasure and as a punishment she was put in the fight rings that one of his acquaintances ran. She tried her best, she really did. She’d gone from a pampered princess as a human, to a killer. Her fall from grace was bloody and violent and was brought to a sudden stop when she was put face to face with a full grown adult and alpha lion in the ring. She survived, but was sold on for being a failure to Master Khan and everything that she had been trained to hold dear.
After being past from vampire to vampire, and even the occasional knowledgeable human that knew of the supernatural and dabbled, Victoria ended up on a black market of sorts, nothing but a lost cause. She was stuck in a small cage for days, surrounded by other troubled souls such as herself, left to starve and in filth. Supernatural species of all shapes and sizes came and went sold off to the highest bidder as slaves that worked, fucked and various other things or prey for something else altogether. She even had a plan; she was going to attack the first handler she could get her hands on and hopefully have one of them kill her. Except, instead of a handler that came through the backstage area, it was something else entirely. He was young enough if a little older than herself, he was scared going by his scent, and he was…attractive for a human stumbling around in the dark. He changed her life the moment she had his scent. He left her alone in a loading bay however, such a hero for being forced into a nightmare of a fairy tale.
Free of the life she knew, Victoria did something that went against everything that had been beaten into her. She ran. For over two years she lived wild and on the move, most of her time in lion form and when she had to return to human form, she stole what she needed to survive on her own. Clothes from washing lines, food from market stalls if a hunt failed and the like, she even went as far for a while as to steal and fence property for money even though she never really needed it. However it worked out for her, though when she noticed that her eyes had stuck as those of her lions, she made it a personal mission to stay in human form more and more to get used to that form again. She even tried to talk to people; mostly farmers or hikers that crossed into her ‘territory’ at the time.
Once she was happy that she could return to being around people, Victoria ended up in Cardiff where she befriended a young couple that had lost their children to supposed gang violence and were so down on their luck that she couldn’t not help them even though she was barely considered an adult herself at the time. What the couple didn’t know was that it was supernaturally related violence that lost them their kids, so Victoria being the stereotypical cat riddled with curiosity looked into for them while she helped fight off bailiffs and other idiots that wanted to break her friends down more. She followed her gut instincts and tracked down the people that had been known as suspects in the community. It was teens mostly, desperate to rebel against the rules that their parents had set down but then she hit a lucky break, a werefox informant came forward to talk to her. Well, it was more warn her away from snooping because things would get ‘unpleasant’. She threw that fox out of a second story window… and then went back to searching.
It took her a year and she was roughly eighteen when she found the person that had ordered her ‘friends’ children be removed – her cat had claimed them as Pride even though she hadn’t known them long at all – and was marginally surprised to find out that it was a werelion male. The dominance battle was brutal; she was only a young woman and not used to the fighting the male easily won and inserted his dominance over her, claimed her as his ‘mate’ even though she’d clawed on of his eyes out with her own fingers. It was a huge leap and all that was really expected of her was to open her legs, be a submissive little waif of a woman that cowered behind the big bad lion. Well, she did as what was expected of her and after he was finished removed his head from his shoulders using the element of surprise. She disbanded the males operation – yes, in some cases she used violence – and the money that had been going towards other things, she sent to her friends before vanishing.
Bouncing around the UK for the next four years, Victoria picked up odd hunts here and there. A fey running a coven of witches and assuming Godhood over a town was dealt with, a Naga in Devon was told to move on because he’d started a turf war with the local snake clan. It was silly stuff really but the payment was ok. She managed to grab a job on an international freighter headed for America, and by the time she was 22 she landed her rear in Flordia. No papers, no money that she could spend easily, she was effectively back to when she was released from that cage by the scardy cat of a boy. It didn’t last long, America was so different and there was a lot of supernatural activity as well as human crime. She made her way as a supernatural bounty hunter of sorts, and not the legal kind most of the time. She was a monster hunting monsters, ironic huh?
Twenty three years old, she was still roaming the USA like she had done in the UK. Only this time she was more well off; and while she wanted to settle down somewhere she couldn’t unless she contacted the Pride that controlled that area. From what she’d seen since she’d actually come to the States, was that most of the USA Lions were a mite traditional, meaning that it was the woman’s job to do all the work. Since she had no interest of being a Pride gofer, she just spent her time on the road, staying in motels for a week or so or squatting in old properties. That’s when she got an interesting hunt, and came across someone she’d never thought to see again. Jothial Chapman. The little boy that had freed her had filled out, he was a man now and if she hadn’t got up close and personal to catch his scent, she wouldn’t have really known that it was him.
Stubborn male pressed her buttons though, and rather than outright kill him, she threw him through a wall and opened herself up to attack from the beast that she was hunting. She almost lost her life that night, and would’ve done so if her lycanthropic healing hadn’t worked its wonders on her battered body. She watched as Jo blasted the creature to nothing but ash and cinders before she even hinted that she knew him. Of course, it came out that she was a werelion and a hunter, and he was a bit iffy about the fact in her mind. Victoria expected him to kill her for being evil, instead they teamed up together and took on the evil that thought it could get past the Witch and the Lion.
They were together a year, hunting monsters that broke the laws of various things, putting themselves in the line of danger. What she failed to act on was the feelings that had stirred in her by being in close quarters to Jo. She never acted on them because she didn’t know how even though they were pretty intimate. She gave him and his creepy familiar the space and time they needed and Jo gave her the same thing. Honestly, Victoria would’ve said something sooner if she hadn’t made herself visible to a vampire that could control lions in the area. The last time she saw Jo was he was drooling into his motel pillow and that marked the end of that. She vanished without a trace using every means necessary to avoid detection. She hadn’t left him out of anger or anything; she’d left him because she was scared that the vampire would use her against him.
She ran from one vampire and lions and into another vampire, and ironically it was another lion caller a year or so later. This one was different though, he was older than anything she’d come across and Mikhail seemed just as surprised that she was a lion working as a bounty hunter. Victoria found herself drawn to this one, he didn’t abuse his people and he claimed New York as his city. Rather than run off again or try and kill him, Victoria struck up a bargain with the vampire master. She’d work for him as security and a hunter if she was needed as long as he didn’t try to call her and bend her to his will. Mikhail agreed and they went their separate ways for awhile. While in New York City, Victoria settled down in her first real apartment. She didn’t want to run anymore, but she had no idea what to do. Making that apartment as her base of operations, she spent the next few years learning how to be normal. She got a job, went to night school, made a few friends that weren’t anything that she was used to. They were simply normal. She did get called in to do some hunts for Mikhail every now and then, but they were neither here nor there.
Then in 2005, she returned to the UK after saying goodbye to Mikhail and the lions that she’d grown used to more confident in herself and happy enough. There was an ulterior motive for her return though; Mikhail wanted her to pass through a place called Jackford every now and again to make sure one of his fledglings in the local Kiss was doing ok and rather than argue or brush him off with a smile and a nod, Victoria agreed on the understanding that she wouldn’t tie herself to one place for so long unless he helped her out finding a reason to stay. By the end of July ’05 she was studying to become a Physical Education teacher after a brief course as a teaching assistant at primary school in York - which wasn't that far from Jackford so it suited her - but maybe she should’ve been clearer in what she wanted huh? She didn't stay there for long and by the end of 2010 she was a full-fledged teacher working at Jackford’s comprehensive high school teaching children about sports and how to stay healthy three days a week and spending the rest of the week bouncing between Pride duty and her own time, which she used as time to search for the odd hunt to keep her claws sharp and she's stayed there ever since ducking and dodging the crazy that was worse than her.
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