(Walks out of a room with a thousand-yard stare shaking like a leaf covered in blood)
I Read Bibliomania.
(It's only 12 chapters, consider giving it a look if you like well-drawn horror manga.)
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i have so much rage in me one day i think i will explode. i dont think i know how to forgive as much as i know how to forget
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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*future percabeth staring at their baby*
percy: sooo… you think he’s got powers?
annabeth: hard to say. he’s young. it’s definitely too early to tell.
percy: *slowly moves crossword puzzle towards baby*
annabeth: percy! our 2 week old is not going to be able to do a crossword!
percy: hey you never know! he has your hair. we could have a little genius!
annabeth: seaweed brain he doesn’t even realize he has hands yet!
*a few minutes later*
annabeth: *looks around to make sure percy isn’t in the room*
annabeth whispering: okay sweetie, you see this cup of water? show mommy if you can make something happen!
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when i joined tumblr in may last year, tumblr having a sacred annual event about smth to do with julius ceaser's assassination wasn't my expectation
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my biggest fear is making a whole rant post about my favorite character or show and then completely fucking it up
like what if what i say about my blorbo isn't right. what if i missed the point. what if i took the symbolism a little too literally or didn't even catch it at all. i'd lose my shit
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This took me 2 hours to make i almost passed outn2 tikmes I’m so tirfed
edit: do not repost my art to a different site/platform/app. if sharing on discord/etc, just directly linkback to the post. thank u! oc redraws are fine, just credit me!! and tag me in those id like to see lol
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Soap refuses to wear condoms, insists he's tracking your cycle and everything will be fine. Except when you text him: "Good news I got my period" and his immediate response is: "How's that good news?" you realize you misunderstood what he was tracking.
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