#Thats a joke. im not killing anyone. but i will fucking sob about it

[clementine-png]

Our last flight is in less than 2 hours, since our old flight was cancelled due to weather. So close to seeing my bestie i am very excited

#clemmie talks #im very tired #we had complications with checking in. hopefully everything ended up fine #It was so stressful i was legitimately shaking. like i was so nervous i was just. shaking. And my tummys been hurtin #too nervous hard to function #BUT it should be over soon #I hate delta so much they messed up our flight and it took over 3 hours of bs to fix it #I get to spend the holidays with my favorite people :) so epic #granted we get there and the flight isnt still fucked up #If we cant get there and i miss christmas with my moirail im killing the hostages #Thats a joke. im not killing anyone. but i will fucking sob about it #Its been a long 4 days.... i hate traveling #I wouldve cried already but my friend who i am traveling with is very chill and confident about everything #Like he literally is just chilling. its nice having him around to be levelheaded while i shake in my boots literally #I also wouldve gotten lost a million times bc my sense of direction is ass. i just cant make mental maps in my head #this airport is fucking huge #tag rambling #Im excited but also still nervous. once we're on the plane ill be fine #anyways. dont fly delta. they suck. #Shoulda known there'd be issues with the cheapest flight possible smh #The delta help desk literally said they couldnt help us like 3 times. westjet (who they're partnered with) had to help us #like bitch. delta rebooked our flight wrong and they 'couldnt fix it' . suck my Dick #I think our last flight is westjet but its booked by delta or something #anywyas! i got fuit gummies and iced tea. i am content for now #must wait a little longer

[lightbulb-warning]

[MAJORLY uncoherent anecdotal storytine:]

entertainment value: mild

cw: blood exams (not described in detail), vague mentions to struggles that aren't elaborated on, tmi personal rambling written by someone who is loopy from blood loss aka bad grammar/syntax/morphology/yeah also this got long whoops

im feeling mega loopy cuz blood exam (dundnt faint!! how outstanding of me. iamcurrently instanding. batumtssk!!i lie down now.)

but AT the blood exam a newer nurse stopped by and my usual nurse was like "PIVELLA meet [redacted <- (me. im redacted.)] this kid is a STAPLE in this department bla bla" and wow mom look im famius!! it only took me getting my blood displaced and stared at medically and faintinf a lot very often hshahahaah

the usual nurse is so NICE she's been doing my blood check traslocations since ive been like 15 i think maybe earlier?? idk idk i love her she's so nice and a kickass lady and she bullies all her coworkers and also me a lot!!! bully as in teasing she's nice yeah anyway yeah

me having to get my blood checked often is really inconvenient and kinda sucks!!! because i get koed and fuck if i can do anything for the next 24hs blegh but but BUT this lady has seen my grow up and seenbthe fuck up my life became and is seeing me pick up the peices abd whenever she sees me in the waiting room she shouts "its YOU" very dramatically and the staff has inside jokes about me and my dumv unoptimezed blood stats and thats REALLY NICE SOBS

like i dont wanna make a fable moral out of it like live love kaugh kindess uwu because realistacally, when i was fucked up previously (in the way that was bad compared to how i am fucked up now. funny joke. laugh.) i didn't gove two shits about people being nice to me because i was a massive hater and hated myself most (loser behavior!!!! the world hates you already love yourself out of SPITE!!!!!!!!!!) so people going out of their way to make a horrible situation slightly less horrible for me COMPLETELY went over my head "broom broom autopilot kill crush destroy ourselves!!!" (<- that's what my head looked like.ew there's no whimsy and silly in there, gross!! jk baby me gets the reatroactive love myself treatment bc noone els ecan do that for me!! what was i saying) and yeah i wasn't neurobiologically capable of giving two shits about anything, especially some random nurse going out of her way to crack jokes but idk i appreciated now!!! and she realizes i appreciate it now!!! and it's nothing big or grandiose i guess the world is still turning and nothing in the essential state of things changes bc i did a navelgazey testimony of WOW SOMETIMES THINGS CAN BE OKAY OCASSIONALLY HOLY SHIT?? but also!!! if i don't do it!!!!!!! who will!!???????

aesop would prolly write about foxes and grapes and terracotta pottery and crows and things being okay with time, but ME, a certified "just some guy", is gonna ramble about " it's gonna be okay" semantics because its!! been!! bullshit!! BUT THAT'S OKAY!!!!

shit got SO MUCH worse than what i could've imagined in my catastrophation!!!!!! id wasted my life preparing and planning for all the plans Ds and Gs and Js and Zs because my situation was FUCKED and i didn't have power to fix it, and too bad!!! SHIT HAPPENS AND IT SUCKS!!! time isn't gonna fix SHIT!!!!!! time is just a tracker of when!!! time does no good time does no harm!!!! what time did give my stupid fucking idiot idiot lovely self was time to change!!! not in just "omg change your perspective ✨" (which can be really really really important!! but you shouldn't take anyone's shit just because you see their perspective!!!! no you don't deserve to be treated like shit!!!!!! they don't deserve to get away with treating anyone like shit!!!!! what makes you so special that the world's evil needs to converge upon you?? you're just some guy!! they're just some guy!!! you be nice to you!!)

time is just there!! what does get okay with time is being!!! your enemy is no longer gonna cause you stress once you outlive them!!! you can be better than your yesterday self at any time!!! life goes on if you fuck up everything and you CAN do whatever you want with the peices!!! FAIL!!! FEAR!!! if we're scared we do it scared!!! it's not gonna be okay because its gonna be perfect, it's gonna be okay because it CAN be different!!

im still not """""fixed""""" , im still screwing things up and i still don't really understand what exactly is """""wrong""""" with me and that's okay for now, and hey!! i am capable of having a nice interaction with someone!!!! that's progress.

massive tangent lmao

local tumblr user gets some blood consensually stolen, has a positive interaction with someone, goes home and starts preaching at [unidentified recipient] jesus fucking christ maiora go to sleep this isn't the time for monologues

tl;dr: someone was nice to me just to be nice and im happy because i wouldn't have been able to appreciate it previously and it's nice to see people being nice for the sake of it

im nap now buh bye thanks for reading have a night or day!!!! be nice to you i can't do that for you!!! /lh

<3

#incoherent #absolutely incoherent #shut up maiora #shut the FUCK up maiora #affectionate #ramble #anecdote anthology #illbregret posting this but also itd be funny to have my rambles out there and people can read my woozy rambles at my funeral/pos #like if it stays in my brain noone can see it. if i get it out my brain it's a sign i existed in whatever capacity and idk that's fun #not that im dying anytime soon #what's death gonna do?? stop me???? pathetic. #/j #i really need to sleep

[eclysia]

Melia and Ren for that character thing?

YES. i got a shiny wooper seven encounters in which is great but fucking.. i want title + humongo boosts. so im going for another one. my sandwich ran out for the 1/500 odds, ugh

first up is melia

First impression

its been a looong time since ive FIRST played rejuv so inaccuracies either stem from old versions or bad memory.

i was able to tell that melia was a character that would quickly be killed off, but i didnt correctly guess the reason why. i thought it was a cheap shot to gather sympathy. i dont remember whether i was able to predict her coming back, though. hmm

Impression now

well now i really will be upset if something happens to her! genesis syndrome is no joke, considering its labeled with body failure in multiple areas. i do wonder if its her shiny powers that caused this, her stronger abilities, or something else (my theory of her being half of a person comes back to mind...)

Favorite moment

i want her to chew out the space hags more. holy shit, please. also, the rehauled doomed future was so cool for her character... that brief segment in zeight where she met little baby venam was just.. ugh. sweet. and the talk with emma and the first (?) appearance of variya was very cool. a huge favorite

Idea for a story

unsure of what to do with this beyond stating what i would enjoy seeing in canon. and thats! i really want more stormchaser stuff especially with Her. im not sure if she has had the chance to properly confront anyone after learning about project: rapture.

Unpopular opinion

beating a dead horse but i am wholly convinced that anyone who says she is a mary sue did not play the game, holy shit. reading comprehension for a lot of people who play this game is zero.

i suppose on another note.. i really liked the fairy tale field melia fight. yes, it was hard, but i definitely think that was the point. i also enjoy how it may allude to the pangoro and zorua story from the beginning, with it being a fairy tale.

Favorite relationship

she and venam, of course. i hope venam manages to recover and shake off the innate need to try and be overtly mature, because its definitely hurting their relationship a little bit. that being said, that little conversation with the trio in the third layer on the matter was so sweet.

Favorite headcanon

uh im not too familiar with many headcanons, but do you want to know a fact and a theory? in very old versions of rejuv, melia managed to throw a xen grunt who tried to grab her.. very far! i want to believe this is a manifestation of her archetype powers showing up very early. more specifically, i think she was using seismic toss!

these two moves are level 0 for arceus. i might be reading too much into it, but with what i know now, i thought it was foreshadowing.

next up is ren! jesus i type a lot

First impression

i honestly dont remember. i think i thought he was dumb because he had a froakie. i really like greninja now so that proves how long ago i first played lol

Impression now

hes still dumb but i say this in an affectionate way! also i love robots! im really gonna be sad if he ditches that body in the future lol. understandable but sobs

Favorite moment

he has a lot of good lines. but my favorite will always be the cupcake conversation

NASTASIA: Sigh… It would be easier to just redirect your captures to [PN]'s storage line, rather than linking it. But what do I get out of this? REN: How about my undying appreciation and gratitude? REN: Alright fine, you can have my salted caramel cupcake with extra sprinkles. REN: It's on the top row of the fridge, behind the eggs. NASTASIA: This is acceptable. I'll get right on it. REN: Thanks 'Stasiaaaaa.

Idea for a story

begging on my hands and knees for more of him and nastasia . even if its just a littol bit. they are so nice together...

Unpopular opinion

he is a lot more dorky than he is edgy (especially during/after v11), and i feel like a lot of the fanbase forgets that. i love the edgy art, but i want to see more dorky art too.

Favorite relationship

you already know it, its him and nastasia. most fucked up bring your kid to work day dynamic ever. but he and reina are also extremely funny together. i have comic ideas for them but zzz

Favorite headcanon

i dunno many headcanons, honestly.. uh.. how about that he dons the cape just because it looks cool? as far as i know he doesnt have the need to hide his wings, afaik they just shift into his body/dematerialize/whatever..

#thanks for the ask. but sorry. Long #Very long

[convxction]

CYL Chrom lines!!!!! x & x

After ten years and they still refuse to use the Holy King lmao. At this point it would be weird to suddenly say holy king and not exalt. but anyway www krumb!!! this is most likely a version after the horse knight chrom hmm perhaps. because he does sound ..oldish and calm than ever. maybe.

yes. kill me softly mwahaha.....neesa ;;u;; man stop doubting yourself. had it not been the right path frederick and lissa would have bonked you already.

thats a good line because it shows that what he says about the armor taking effort and time and is the pride of ylisse and how comfortable he is in it. in jp he says he got used to it; it feels comfortable to wear so its just the usual.

覚悟はしている。 is basically chrom. always ready and prepared to accept what is to come. aaaa justice sobs. i think each armor got the iris flower somehow as the design on them if i am not mistaken sdldksgskljg chrom got even the butterfly design on his shoulder guard. not this chrom but the OG. 

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;u;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; time who bitch. that was your daughter bitch stop taking her thing. *sobs* suddenly shinzou sasageyo plays in the background lmao

do we tell him that ... there are not ONE fell dragon but ...*counts* four? ...gulps.

oh god... i think the english is so misleading AF.... why english why???

basically “acting like a king is stifling for me. I rather go on patrols (his nature to that/ feels comfortable). So, let me tag along with you for a while.

BITCH FROM ‘EW BEING KING IS MEH’ to ‘im comfortable being one of the boys’ bitch??????????? dunno if this is me but that vibe i got from the english line man. i thought he was doubt moment but didnt make sense with the next sentence??? it is weird phrasing tbh. let me know if this is just me

change fate baby~ 

god english makes chrom so ....the line literally point out how traumatized chrom seeing people DIE IN FRONT OF HIM! why ...’i will not let anyone else be lost’ wtf is this crap?

n a k a m a ~ his nakahomies are his power ;;u;;

i give you this english. you did good on expanding a little bit of chrom lines. just a little bit. still crying about krumb fayre embrum man was not ready to become a king and he was thrown into this. fate is a cruel baitch. JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSITCE!!!!!!!!! looks at his dad. you missed on this man growing up to be a fine man smh. 

lays on the ground ... so much to say about this but it will be redundant. it was a slow realization moment for chrom what happened and what he is supposed to do. 

break dance and dabs. great lord. master lordo lmao. but yeah seems like this is his ...first time wearing ...it? dunno. unsure about this or he is referring to the ‘u train then u get to wear it’ anyway this is probably throwback to levelling up and getting a master seal mhm

trying to understand what this line do ... mmm ....funny. means summoner is op lmao. 

listen. listen. listen.

i dont blame him for saying this. the lucina they mention is the older one--he barely knows her dudes. she is her own person and he does not want to be imposing on her to ask of every little thing so cant say he noticed a lot of things in common between them on the spot.

it is funny that JP he breaks walls, in ENG he breaks training dummies

me: FUCKING BREAKING EVERYTHING BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! within reason. lol

this is one of the jokes i like but dont test me by overusing it otherwise i will hunt your ass. 

anyway, let chrom say sorry cowards.

*wearing my clown outfit* i commented that in english he didnt say emmeryn but it was there...they just didnt put it. wth intelsys? do you have this hidden agenda against best fire emblem girl? i will fight you. come at me. I THROW MY GUANTLET AT YOU. FIGHT ME COWARDS. FIGHT ME! I REQUEST A DEATH BATTLE! 

sigh. neesa... i know it is a culture thing but i always find it sweeter when chrom calls her neesa /big sis rather than just her name. anyway. sad feels.

work this lad to death. he would not mind. just dangle the word bond in front of him and watch him go.

im not gonna critique these because ...no i am going--i will always prefer sugita take on chrom being serious and not just ‘ehe coming thru~’ and ‘believe in me~’ OOOOOOOO i love mar merc dont get me wrong but ...they cheery tune he adds kind of...does not match with a man running with a sword and literally fighting for his life. like if it was inigo yeah i get it or owain or anyone else but not chrom. he is in battle mode and just wants this to be over with. uuughhh.... like. you can feel that there is an action being done in jp and eng he is just saying the words..u know..im sorry. i love eng at times but... u can never beat sugita-han. 

anyway. my ted talk is over. thanks for good food. i will look at these again and see what i can use for my krumb.

#⚔headcanon.⚔ (building up) #⚔ooc.⚔ (faty speaks) #[sugita han thank you

[cynettic]

Stay with Me pt.3

Summary - You manage to escape from Scaramouche, if only for a moment before you realize there’s no escape. It only takes until you’re sitting back in your regular spot that you know what you need to do.

Pairings - Kitsune!Reader x Yan!Scaramouche

Warnings - Suggestive content, mentions of death, swearing, slight gore / blood 

A/N - Its really hard to make this depressing while I’m vibing to Rasputin. Like no joke- I have it on one of the 1 hour playlists :D

Here you’ll find -  pt.1 and pt.2

He’d left a key.

Scaramouche didnt make mistakes, not while he had you captive in the vicinity of his bedroom. He didnt have room for mistakes, not when you were watching his every movement while he was in your line of sight. 

Sure, he mightve killed a person or two in front of you, but those were necessary mistakes. There was a sign on the door, it specified not to enter. You’d understand that, right?

Thats what he thought at least, lulling himself into belief after belief that you’d be there waiting for him every time. That you’d welcome him with open arms, even if there were chains ensnaring your wrists. That you’d accept your fate at his hands and submit yourself to him.

The Balladeer was a fool.

He’d kept you there for too long, and while you searched for an easy way to escape, time sent your head spinning. Into a spiral that begged only for the wind against your face, back laying on dirt with the familiar chirping up birds waking you up in the morning.

You wanted to go outside.

And when push comes to shove, you had to risk a little more to make it happen. Lure him into bed with kisses while your hands unbuttoned his vest. But what he believed to be alluring contacts was just your way of finding the keys hidden in the back pocket of his shorts.

It wasnt hard to find the one to your cuffs while he was asleep, cuddled in your chest with both arms around your waist as if to get you to stay put. You took the key, hiding them back in his clothing and hoping he didnt notice.

He didnt say anything the next day.

You werent going to wait any longer.

“Oh for fucks sake, why won't the goddamn door open?”

The room was left in tatters behind you, a little gift for Scaramouche once he got back. Turns out a pair of chains can smash up a lot of things, and rage can be used as a great source of strength when contained for such a long time.

But you’d done more than throw the blankets around, cut up the drawers and smash open the windows. Because your fists had bled red when you punched through the glass, puncturing your skin. Your knuckles were an ugly red, bruising already.

Ah, Scaramouche deserved a much better gift.

Gruesome as it was, you rubbed your knuckles against the pale walls. Till the blood stopped coming, till there was a nice little message for the boy which you held so dearly to your heart.

‘Balladeer.’

The first time you’d found out about him being a harbinger he’d told you not to call him by that name. You weren’t someone he associated with by work, you were a treasure to him. That’s why you continued to call him as he pleased, although the temptation always arose.

You were no longer his.

Shoving the door with your hand again, palm fiddling with the handle and groaning when it hardly budged. “Stupid,” you grumbled when the knob began to loosen. Backing up, you charged with your shoulder to the door, full force as the momentum broke the hinges. The door fell down with you along with it.

It was expected, you’d been stuck in the room for a long time, and thats considering you’d sat on the ground for decades. Your body was slight numb, muscles sore and unused for so long. 

“You a-arent supposed to leave your room!”

A young man stood in the hallway along with a woman who looked relatively the same age. The two were wearing uniforms, flinching when you stood up from the debris and off the door. “Excuse me?” You asked, voice unnecessarily icy and stern. But you couldnt care less, you were going to get out of this house, damn anyone who stood in your way.

They both continued to shake when you walked towards them, staggering from side to side. The woman stepped up in front of the man, presenting a brave face. “If you leave the mansion, the harbinger will kill us all!”

“Well then I expect you should be on your way then. Actually…” you gestured to the maze of hallways. “You can lead the way.”

“What…?”

Your hand went limp to your side, an exasperated looking momentarily crossing your face before you sighed. “Im not staying trapped in that room, I’m sorry if that ruins your life, but frankly you're not the one stuck in there are you?” You took an extra step just to intimidate them, eyes wide to make the appearance of crazy. “It would be a great help if you showed me where he hid my vision too.”

“We can show you to the door…” The man began, “But the whereabouts of your vision are unknown, he wouldnt tell us something like that.”

A gift bestowed from the gods, a piece to help me thrive with my ambitions and pursue my goals.

Gone.

You really wished you’d taken to clawing out Scaramouche’s face instead, but you’d take what you got. Right now your main priority was getting out of this place, even if it meant leaving a piece of you behind.

“Door.” Your voice was raspy and there was a terrible feeling that crawled up to your throat, but you didnt have time to be emotional. “Show me where the door is… please.”

The conflict in their eyes dissipates by the time they lead you along, mumbling words between themselves. You didnt bother to try eavesdropping, you were so, so tired. You wanted to go home.

Anywhere. Anywhere but here.

It took a few minutes until you were standing in front of a grand door, almost twice the size of you and just as wide. You then began to notice the decorational plants and furniture that filled the empty space, there wasn't an inch of dust. Even though you could tell none of it was used.

“Hurry,” the man warned when you paused. “I dont know when our master is coming back, but if its soon, we’ll all be screwed.”

You couldnt feel your head as you numbly nodded, hand clenching the knob and flinging the set of doors open. “Thank you,” you merely mumbled, taking your first step out of the house in what felt like forever.

The days after that were a blur, the area around Scaramouche’s house were nothing but void. Empty and filled with forests and vast plains. You knew he didnt like people or socializing in general, but to this extent?

Your only option was to run.

Let your feet take you somewhere, anywhere. It was a constant pattern of running and taking breaks, leaning on a tree and gasping in a few breaths before you were again scurrying through the forest. 

And yet you felt better than you’d felt in past months that you’d been stuck with Scaramouche.

Food became any boar you came across, the claws you’d spent so long hiding with Scaramouche coming to unleash a wrath beyond your comprehension. Till the animal was cut to shreds and no meat was left even to eat. You’d slaughtered it, without intention to eat or benefit for it, you’d killed it just to kill.

“I’m sorry,” you’d sobbed into the ground where you’d buried the harmless animal. Forehead pressed into the dirt as you pleaded for forgiveness to whatever archons would accept it. You couldn't even remember what archons you were supposed to pray to. “Forgive me- forgive me…”

But eventually you found your way around to somewhere you knew. Territory of Inazuma where you could find your way back, back home.

Where was home?

You’d been on the run from the vision hunt decree, abandoning your post for the Kitsune Saiguu for such a thing. Even now that you could return without a vision and as no threat under the decree…

You’d sacrificed everything for your vision.

Where were you to go now…?

Rain patted down, the trees providing only a slight cover as stray drops fell into your matted dirty hair. You didnt mind, it hid the tears that slid down your lifeless face, feet taking you into the far meadows of your hometown. Till you plopped down underneath a tree, knees curled to your chest and arms hugging them close. You were crying.

You were home.

____________________

“Awh,” a ginger haired murmured, elbow resting on the cool wood of the tabletop. “Is little Mouchie sad? I heard your kitty cat escaped~”

A death wish, even fatui that idly minded themselves around the bar knew it. Sipping cold drinks and swirling their cups, the soft chatter was nothing but a distraction from the main course of events. That being the smaller Harbinger who sat sulking in his seat, hunched over with a drink in hand. He’d drank far more than what was on the counter, but everytime he finished a glass, he’d smash it on the ground, watching the fragile glass shatter into pieces.

“I dont have a cat,'' was his only response, tone daring Childe to pursue further. To give him a reason to start throwing the glass in his face instead.

And Childe was an idiot when it came to challenging someone.

“No cat?” The rest of the drink in the taller harbinger’s glass was gone when he threw his head back. “Hmmm, I cant think of what else could’ve had you so enraptured in returning home then~!”

Scaramouche didnt respond, uneven bangs shadowing the bags under his eyes. “Stronger,” he said instead, elbow on the counter and hand outstretched for something. When there was no movement from the man managing the wine, the harbinger looked up. “I need something stronger to drink,” he repeated, voice seething.

“Of c-course!”

The glass was nestled in Scaramouche’s palm in no time, fingers curling around the circular form to down it in seconds. The drink merely slid down his throat in one movement, alcohol burning his senses. It didn’t matter, he was numbed by the growing rage inside of him.

Finally, he turned to the ginger haired boy, eyes hazily dancing along the counter till it reached his fingertips. Up his hand and along his arm, till Scaramouche was staring right into Childe’s eyes. “They escaped,” he admitted softly. “But it’s alright, because I sent something that’ll bring them back.”

Childe paused, raising his drink up away from his lips to pose a question. Hesitation danced along his features before he brought the glass back, he’d rather not provoke the shorter male any further. Wasn’t like he could interfere anyway.

____________________

“That… that…” 

It was preposterous, having returned to that same spot for a day or two and heading back to the hometown you’d once lived in. The one Scaramouche had lived in. There shouldn’t have been an issue, you were solely gathering supplies for the sake of it, ambition driving you to travel far far away.

Out of Inazuma.

It was your new beginning, convincing yourself that you didn't need a vision. Finding some sort of purpose before Scaramouche shattered the vision and your life along with it. You’d seen how people had reacted when it had been ingrained in the statue, neutralized and broken. They lost hope, purpose and aspirations for anything new.

It’s not like the Raiden Shogun took my vision.

But you’d taken that fact for granted, expecting some sort of new start without Scaramouche. A victory, getting away from him just for a split second and getting out of Inazuma altogether, you’d never see him again.

Until you got his message.

“How the hell…” You crushed the note until it was just crumbled paper in your hand, slowly leaning on the stone wall. “Piece of shit… what kind of person even…” 

Not only did he manage to find you, but without making his presence known, he’d tugged at your one weakness with an ease that had you down on your knees.

You threw the paper to the ground, deliberate as you stared past the alleyway. Pensive as you considered your options. Damn, what options did you even have? You’d been an idiot to underestimate Scaramouche, he wasn’t a child, you knew that… but archons he seemed like one when he was with you. Shown you a vulnerability he wanted only you to see. But maybe that had been part of his plan all along, until all you believed was his soft demeanor.

He may act like a child, but he’s a harbinger.

You stared down at the crumbled piece of paper in disgust.

Not only that, but he has no regard for human life.

Either way, you’d lived decades more than him. You could face him, you would present yourself to him just as he expected you to. Even when everything in you rejected the idea, sobbed at the thought of returning to that house, those chains. Being locked up and confined only for the purpose of coddling a small boy, a selfish boy, a cruel boy. 

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

You’d figure out a way, and this time you wouldn’t rule out the option of his death.

———————

Oh darling Y/n, how have you been?

I hope this letter reaches you rather soon, we both have much to discuss, no? About me, about you, and much more. You see, I’ve taken up quite a distaste to your little friends. Stone statues in Inazuma as small as Kitsunes truly hold no purpose, what will they do, come back to life? Haha, I should think not. I’ve already arranged to have them demolished, who knows what kind of material they might possess. Ah, and of course I’d show you the finishing product, unless you’re willing to come and have a chat with me once more? Under the Sakura tree like we used to, you’ve waited years, I believe you can wait for me?

I hope this letter reaches you in best interests. I’m always looking out for you after all.

Sincerely, your Balladeer

——————

It was raining.

Beautiful weather as you lay sitting there, feet crossed and tucked in the same you’d often do. After all, there was no need to fear the vision hunt decree or the Raiden Shogun. Let them come, let them take care of you before Scaramouche did.

You werent cold, not when the cold drops dampened your clothing, slipping down the length of your spine and drenching your face. Despite having lived in a luxury residency for such a long time, this was where you were most comfortable, enduring whatever the weather had for you, taking it with a smile. Because you were waiting…

The Kitsune Saiguu was a distant memory.

You were waiting for Scaramouche, the young boy that often bound into the field in lengthy strides, childlike wonder in his eyes. The one who’d cried when the other kids pushed him away, the one that just wanted to be praised. You’d held him in your arms, and now, even knowing the results, you wouldnt have done differently.

He was just a boy.

Just a boy when he joined the fatui, looking for praise that he was given. He created chaos and bellowed orders with a cruelty that was highly looked upon. Told that he was doing well, so he continued to do so.

He’s just a boy.

You wished you’d held him in your arms, if not only for a tad longer. Shield him away from the wrongness of the world, if only for one last time.

Banishing away your hatred for him was hard.

But you found it under the tree, rain soon dimming down to a clouded cold breeze that swept through the meadow. You’d hated him while stuck in the mansion, but you could now see it from a larger point of view. What he did was wrong of course, but you could remember him so vividly now. His small form giggling, tiny arms around your neck. 

“Play with me!”

Was it your fault?

For not holding him tighter? For trying to rectify his bad doings and teach him what was wrong and right? Maybe if your grip was firmer, if you’d spoken to him about the warmth he’d given you that day when playing cards...

“Lazy ass.”

Burying down that pile of worry and insecurities, you took a deep breath in to relax. The edge of your lip perked up, only slightly. “Still terrible with your social skills arent you?”

Slowly securing a dry space under the three with you, Scaramouche sat down. His features were the same ones you’d grown accustomed to at his mansion. Rich clothes, sharp eyes, and the baby face that refused to go away. His movements were soft as he pulled out a deck of cards. The two of you didnt speak as he distributed them between you both. It was tense… no, it felt too much like the warmth form long ago to be tense. You only wished the situation to be different.

“I love you.”

But you could only offer a bitter smile to his words. “I love my vision,” you replied. “I love the Kitsune Saiguu, and I love my friends.”

His touch was gentle when his fingers came to gently cradle your cheek. Holding your face dearly as he peered into your eyes, his were soft. Different from the cruelty he held within, the hatred that burned and destruction that seeked to explode.

You saw a little boy.

Your hand came to press his hand further against your cheek, till you slid his palm to your lips. He appeared so calm when you pressed the first kiss, lips tracing the lines along his palm with all the care in the world.

But you needed to change your view, see him as the man he now was. As the man he had become.

“I love you,” he repeated, and you let go of his hand. It fell limp by his side, cards all but forgotten. There was a much more pressing matter at hand, because you truly needed to see him as he was.

It was necessary if you planned to kill him.

#genshin impact #genshin impact hc #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact oneshots #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #kitsune reader #yandere scaramouche #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #reader x scaramouche #scaramouche angst #writing #angst

[haysgrove]

i need.

i need more info on this au.

patton bouta commit crimes.

virgils dead.

i need more

ok so im gonna put what i have abt the au under the cut

trigger warning about death, murder, and suicide mention

ok so the little bit i have of story is that Remus goes ghost hunting for fun until one day he finds a jacket and he thought it was cool so he just took it. But unbeknownst to him, that jacket works as a vessel of sorts for Virgil's soul, who has died 6 months ago.

Long story short Remus and Virgil kind of become friends and Rem is now always holding onto that jacket to talk to Virge

One day Remus sees a missing poster of Virgil, so hes kind of trying to see who is putting thrm up. He doesnt dare to call the number because what is he gonna say? ''oh yea hes dead lmao''? no thanks

Some time passes and Rem is walking down the street until someone straight up punches him in the face and demands to know where the fuck he got the jacket that he was wearing. And thats how he meets the person who was putting up the posters; Patton

After talking things through, Rem and Pat manage to become friends, mostly because Patton didnt have anyone to vent about Virgil going missing for 6 months because no one seemed to care about him other than Pat. But Remus was more than happy to listen.

Remus is willing to make himself look like hes insane and feels very tempted to tell Patton that he can see ghosts, Virgil's ghost. He tells Virge about this but Virge is quick to shut him down, once Rem asks him why, he says something among the lines of ''Remus. Im DEAD. Hes gonna be devastated'' But Rem manages to convince him ''Look if MY best friend went missing for 6 months id rather know that he, in fact, died, rather than just not knowing what the fuck happened to him for the rest of my life''

So, Rem tells Patton. And he actually seems to believe him, much to Remus' surprise. He leaves the jacket in Patton's bed and lo and behold, Pat manages to see Virgil again

Patton just glares at him. There no emotion in his face and Virgil is fucking terrified of it. Until he just. starts sobbing. He hides his face and just stands there. The fact that his best friend is dead just dawning on him. Virgil tried to kind of cheer him up by singing a song both of them used to love, but Patton just moves away. So Virgil throws a couple of jokes about what happened and Patton gets MAD

And Virgil just stand there, in silence, listening to everything Patton has to say. And once hes done, Virgil shoots him with the ''Well IM the one who got killed so how do you think i feel?'' And Pat goes ''What the fuck are you talking about? you killed yourself!''

And Virgil is fucking LIVID and asks Patton why the fuck would he think that he would ever kill himself. And Pat, also being absolutely livid, takes out a pendrive and shoves it on Virgil's face, telling him that theres pictures of them over the years, a playlist of all of Virgil's favorite songs, and a suicide letter in there

And after seeing Virgil and Remus' shocked faces, and hearing Virgil tell him that he did NOT make that pendive with a trembling voice, it dawns on Patton that his best friend was fucking murdered

#ask #ghost virgil au

[xsarcasticwriterx]

Wonderwall-part 3

Summary: While all of the avengers facility may be aware of your pregnancy there's someone else who also needs to know.

Pairing: Tony stark x reader x Bucky barnes

Warnings: swearing, Pregnancy shit, angst, 

Wonderwall masterlist

It had been 2 weeks sense everyone found out you were pregnant including yourself. things were back to semi normal. Everyone was treating you like you'd break if things happened to fast and bucky and tony hadn't said a word to each other. Not that they ever actually did speak to each other but now its less than usual. Bruce banned you from going on missions which everyone agreed to. It was the only time tony and bucky had agreed on something so you grumbled and accepted it.

You were currently sat in the main lounge watching tv with your feet up on the table. You had to admit a 9 month break was awesome. you heard the door open and close. “Y/n?”  you heard tony call for you. “over here” you yell back. you see tony round the corner. “hey how are you feeling?” he asks sitting next to you.  “mmmmmm” you grumble closing your eyes. your head falls onto his shoulder. he laughs and you move your head to his lap putting your legs on the side of the couch. “hey so uh I was thinking.” he starts. you tilt your head looking up at him “wow that's a first you say.” you say laughing. 

Tony rolls his eyes. “sorry sorry go ahead what is it?” you ask. “Well sense things have calmed down here for the most part I was thinking of telling pepper. your going to be showing here soon and I just figured ya know” he says. you sit up “uh yea i mean obviously you'd have to tell her and sooner than later makes sense.” you said. “How and when you gonna tell her?” you ask. “Not quite sure. was thinking of taking her out ya know have her mood up before...” he trails off. 

“before shattering yalls whole world?” you say blatantly. Tony makes a face of nervousness. “sorry...just...honest when nervous.” you said messing with your fingers. “I’m sure it'll be fine...right?” you asked. tony shrugged. to be honest he wasn't sure of anything. He hoped she understood this was never intended and that the cause of it only happened because they felt so alone and hopeless.

You already felt sick but the nervousness of how pepper would react made it worse. You launched up running to the restroom hunching over and puking your breakfast out. you groaned and tony came over. he rubbed your back calmly “shh shh its ok” he said softly. you sat back looking at him “ugh i know im gonna love this little one when their born but my god does this suck” you grumbled. tony laughed and pulled you towards him. you laid your head on his shoulder. 

“hey i have an ultrasound next week they'll tell me how far along i am and we’ll see if the baby is healthy.” you said smiling. “that's amazing i'll definitely be there. Is bucky coming?” tony asked. you nodded “yea he's been really supportive actually i'm so happy he's been so ok with it” you say with a smile. “I hope pepper reacts similarly. you got lucky ya know with buck and all.” he says looking down. your smile fades “i know...really fucked this up...Bucky still loves me and I still love him its just....different, hes different.” it was true ever sense you told bucky he had been off. He cared for you and still held you close and kissed you but everytime he left he used to kiss you but this time he just says bye. Its usually in a neutral tone and anytime Tony comes around you can see him become pissed off. 

He cares for you and helps you with the side effects. Helps you with the morning sickness and cravings, dosent get angry when your mood changes every 2 seconds or when you watch sad movies and immediately fall apart. But hes still just...off. You knew he would stay and help but you wondered if things would be good again or if it'll only get worse when the baby is here.

“ok now” you start sitting up and walking to the bedroom, you sat on the bed and tony followed after. “tell me about the missions you know i gotta live through you now that i'm on house arrest” you say as tony sits next to you. “your pregnant not on house arrest last thing we needed was some dude giving you a sob story and you falling apart.” he said with a laugh. you hit his chest “uh huh sure that was why” you said. you moved and layed on the bed, tony laying next to you. “ok ok, the most recent a group tried to pull a major hack into a major bank” he said as you curled into his side. He spoke of how amazing it was to take them down. How steve and hom fought for control as usual. you laughed and smiled but over all you missed your team.

You missed being on missions, missed feeling included and missed the jokes and laughter and overall just missed being with them. you slowly fell asleep during his story. It was just so peaceful and nice you couldn't help it he was so warm and he was rubbing your back. Tony looked down at you and smiled, you looked so beautiful and at peace. Most days you held your guard up though it was falling more and more from your pregnancy. Moments like this you looked so vulnerable and at peace, he loved to just see you so...calm.

 Tony looked up as the door opened and bucky came in. Bucky saw you curled into tony's side and straightened up. He closed the door and looked back at you two. “hey” bucky whispered “hey” tony said back.

“I guess i should go” tony said ready to leave this awkward situation. “no no stay she hasn't gotten much sleep recently with worrying and ya know puking” bucky said walking to the couch and sitting. “im sorry” tony said “Really i am” tony wasn't sure on what to say but he knew he needed to say something, anything to fix this.

“I’m going to tell pepper tomorrow” tony said trying to make conversation. “Y/n tell you she has an ultrasound next week?” bucky asked. tony nodded “I wanted to come if thats ok” tony basically asked for permission. This was new for him he never asked to do anything but he felt like he was overstepping. “their your child of course its ok” bucky said. And with that it was back to silence

“Tony I’m going to ask you this once and i need you to be honest. Do you have feelings for her?” he asked. Tony was taken back by this. Did he have feelings for you? “no no of course not shes your girl.” tony said. bucky shook his head “not what i asked” bucky said. “No i dont i promise” tony said. bucky nodded with a small smile “ok, now on with that, how do you feel?” bucky asked. He felt relieved that tony didn't have feelings for her and it made it much easier to be around him knowing this.

“how do I feel? uh strange i guess. It's strange to look at her and know there's a human growing in there.” tony said. It was strange because she was starting to show slightly and knowing it was the start to a human a child that was his was strange to him. “yea i get what you mean its like you know there was going to be a child there but to see it happening is just something else.” bucky said. 

“yea...i also feel nervous you know, nervous of being a good father. My dad” tony started before looking up at bucky who had straightened up. They never talked of tony's father after word came out of bucky killing his parents. Not that tony talked of them much but it became nothing after the incident. tony looked at tony before looking back down at the bed. “anyways i guess over all else i'm happier than ever. I know i'll love this kid more than life itself so im just...happy.” tony said.

“how about you how do you feel?” tony asked. “happy i guess we talked of having a family before” he said. “what stopped you two?” tony asked hoping he wasn't pushing it. “Well being in the avengers and nearly dying on every mission mostly. then just us not sure on parenting not exactly like she had the best father and I was born in 1917 then when we finally decided to just do it....she went to space” he said looking up at tony. tony avoided his gaze looking anywhere but at bucky. he felt you turn in his arms and looked down seeing your eyes flutter open.

You looked up at tony and gave a soft smile before sitting up and seeing bucky. You looked between the two contemplating how no one got killed in the time you were asleep. “I should go now um guess i'll talk to you after i tell pepper” tony said to you. you nodded and smiled “sure don't get killed” you said before tony gave a small laugh and left. you looked at bucky “no one died” you said with a small smile. he laughed and nodded “nope no one died.” he said. “so does that mean things are ok again?” you ask. bucky nods “things are ok again” he said. you smiled “good” you wanted things to be the way they were where everyone could at least stand one another. where it felt like a family for those without one.

--

Later that night you sat on your bed watching tv while bucky and a few of the others were on a small mission. Anyone who wasn't on the mission was crashing from the last mission. You knew tony was going to tell pepper today which made you keep your phone on hand just in case. your phone dinged and you looked seeing a text from tony. “hide” was all it said. you of course not one to not listen when something says hide, hid in the secret spots you each had that no one other than you knew. It was originally in case bucky went all winter solider again but after that got fixed it simply became a spot incase some people attacked.

yours was a spot in the bathroom, figured it was least obvious, behind the toilet there's a small hole leading to a whole other room prepared with food and water and a bed that could last up to a month. you climb through still with your phone you text back “got it” and sat on the bed. Guess pepper didn't take it well.

You heard the front door slam and yelling. there was the sound of things being tossed around and door opening and closing, probably those who were sleeping and going to find out what the fuck was going on. You sat on the bed waiting and listening to the voices though it sounded like charlie brown teachers you could kind of tell by tone what was going on. Then you got a text from tony saying “come on out, don't worry steve and vision are down here so she won't kill you...or if she does you got back up” you sighed standing up and walking out.

You walked to the living room and saw pepper,tony,steve,vision all standing there pepper looked and stared you down. you slowly walked in “you” pepper said starting towards you. Steve moves in front lighting pushing her back. you hid behind steve “your ok” he whispered to you. “you absolute whore!” pepper yelled at you throwing glass at you. you screamed hiding behind steve fully. “we didn't know we'd be back!” tony yelled. “Pepper-” you wanted to apologize fix everything “No you shut the fuck up!” she yelled. you jumped back and steve put a protective arm around you.

“I don't want to hear it! Were done” pepper said “pep” tony said and pepper turned around slapping him. you moved from your spot by steve to tony. Pepper took the chance and slapped you. you stumbled back and tony grabbed your arm. “done” pepper said walking out slamming the door. steve moved to you “you ok?” steve asked. you felt tears brewing in your eyes. “guess its over” tony said. you pulled away and walked to your room curling up. A few minutes later there was a knock. “mmm” you grumbled. the door slightly opened.

steve came in and sat next to you “you ok?” he asked. you looked up at him and put your head in his lap “I just want to sleep” you grumbled. steve nodded and stroked through your hair. You fell asleep quickly and soon bucky came in. His face was washed in panic. “you heard?” steve asked. bucky nodded “is she ok?” he asked. steve shrugged “said she just wanted to sleep” he said. bucky nodded and sat next to you. “pepper broke up with tony” steve said. “figured” bucky said rubbing your arm. you curl up between bucky and steve. bucky's head rested back against the headboard and slowly fell asleep. steve wasn't sure on what to do so he just stayed stroking your hair as you fell asleep and looking at how at peace his best friend seemed for the first time in his life.

Tig tag list: @vicmc624​

#bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fluff #tony stark #tony stark x reader #tony stark fanfiction #sebastian stan #robert downey jr #rdj #the winter solider x reader #the winter solider fanfiction #the winter solider #iron man #iron man x reader #mcu #mcu x reader #mcu fanfiction #marvel cinematic universe #marvel

[cottoncandyjester]

my guy, my dude...what would happen if the yandere oc's got rejected by their darling...would shit go down?? How'd they react??

It's funny cause I think some peeps forget that these ocs would absolutely hurt you to get what they want lol they are such lovable yanderes

Warning this story contains: murder, yandere behavior, kidnapping, self harm, torture, blood

Theodore

"w-what do you mean no... you can't say no my sweet angel" he said softly now staring at you as you stared at him with eyes full of hate. He had you backed into an alleyway, your rejection caused him to lose it a bit so he ended up cornering you whole you two were out on a 'date'

"get away from me you freak!" You shouted trying to push him away, he doesn't understand he confessed that he loved you and you lashed out, why was this happening? He loved you so why weren't you obedient to him..you were supposed to be his submissive little spouse.

"stop it, please..angel I don't like this stop saying such hurtful things" he said softly as he covered your mouth with his hand while the other reached into his pocket. "Stop. Please stop struggling, You're behaving irrationally. You aren't mentally well you need me to take care of you" he whispered as he felt you try to kick him in the groin but he moved his hand from your mouth catching it only to hear you scream.

"SOMEONE H-" theo stabbed your side with a needle watching you wince from it before everything started spin as you started to become limp in his arms. "That's right angel, trust me. I know best"

Hikaru

"the fuck did you say bitch? Did your ugly ass say no?!" He snapped at you. He invited you to his house hoping you would accept his invite to stay the night and drink expensive wine clearly wanting to bring you to bed. He even went to touch you but you pushed his hand from your thigh.

You rejected him and he doesn't do rejection, you were his from the moment he saw you. Hikaru pushed you down on the couch his eyes spiraling with hate as he climbed ontop of you now choking you.

"you should be begging to be mine! Ugly bitches like you don't really have a reason to say no. I'm perfect so you must clearly be touched in the head or some shit, that's fine cause no matter what you're mine" he hissed out with a low snarl as he watched your face grow paler and paler as you clawed his arms trying to stop him but your vision got spotty

"that's right pig, just sleep."

Axis

Tears poured down axis' cheeks as he watched you kindly reject his confession that he poured his heart out just so you know how he feels. He painted you something that he had spent an entire month on and you just said no. Axis dropped the painting feeling his mental state just plummet as you walked towards the door to leave.

"please, don't leave... don't leave me alone.." he whispered out as he felt his entire body shake as his only thoughts were about staying with you. Axis completely broke down, pulling out a knife from his pocket and slitting his own stomach open causing you to turn around and rush to him.

"w-we need to get you to a hospital! You're bleeding so badly! Axis!" Your frantic screaming made him so happy as he leaned against you as blood poured from the fresh wound and he smiled as you huffed him close while calling for help, you're so warm and sweet to him

"if you leave, I'll kill myself y/n and it'll be all your fault" he whispered in your ear now clinging to you getting blood all over you as well as a weak soft laugh escaped him as you felt your blood run Cold.

Salem

You couldn't even reject him, the moment he saw you he had stolen you away. You woke up only to be tied up to a bed as salem watched you sleep. He grinned once you woke and licked his lips

"w-where am I? Please let me go!" You snapped and he tilted his head to the side like a confused child. "Go? Hmm go go go...nope!" He said happily before moving ontop of you and started to undress you but your thrashing around caused him to get annoyed

"don't make me eat you~" he sang out as he leaned down licking your neck, in his eyes you either become his lover or his next meal either way was good in his eyes. "Flesh Soo soft, yummy" he hissed out before biting your shoulder feeling you wince under him before he pulled back licking the fresh blood with a soft giggle.

"all mineeee~"

Prince

"you're kidding right..?"

His tone came off incredibly empty, he invited you on a date and you said no. He's been trying to get with you for months, doing it the right way but you still said no. Prince chuckled as he ran his fingers through his hair, this wasn't right..no no no he could get anyone he wanted so why were you so difficult to obtain.

"yeah, no I can't let ya just leave. So sorry" he said with a sweet smile as he walked towards you while you backed away. His eyes spiralled with insanity it was hard to see this was the same person as before laughing and joking with you

"sorry babe, but this is really gonna hurt but i promise I'll make it better" you felt your back hit a wall before prince punched you in the face making you feel pain before your vision got spotty.

"damn, did I hit you too hard? That's gonna leave a Mark" he mumbled as he shook his hand as you passed out.

Yuki

"oh, yuki. Why are you here?"

"date."

Yuki stood infront of your house eyeing you seeing that you were in pajamas which confused him since he swore you two had a date today. "Yuki, don't you remember..I said we should stay friends. You're great bu-" yuki shuddered at your words. No, that wasn't right you two were already dating and he wad supposed to take you on a date.

at least thats how he remembered it. You were his lover from the moment he saw you, you two started dating as soon as he met you. "No." He said softly as he stared at you blankly watching your face twist with confusion. "What do you mean no?" You stated only for him to step closer to you his hand pressed against the door preventing you from closing the door

"we have a date"he said softly in a tone of frustration as he calmly took off his scarf only to see your eyes panic. "Yuki, I said no" you stated firmly but when he reached for you, you of course tried to turn to run but he wrapped the scarf around your throat pulling both ends to choke you

"shh, just rest..kay?" He whispers out though as he loosened his grip he could only feel annoyance, why does this keep happening? Why can't you ever remember your dates with him? Oh well. He'll just have to use that drug to block your memories and try again..this time you'll say yes.

Rocket

"you're a great guys, but do you understand now...I see you as a friend" you said and rocket forced a grin before pulling you into a hug. You were so glad he understood and hugged him back only to feel him start to squeeze you, his large arms locked around you as you wheezed tapping his shoulder telling him to stop.

"y'know, snapping someone's spine is really easy I heard! I haven't tried but it must be easy yeah? So..how about that date?" He spoke in your ear with a cheerful tone.

"o...kay... please. " You wheezed out and he let go now scooping you up into his arms before he took off his bandana off using it to gag you.

"awesome!"

Scarlett

"I'm glad you understand so well scarlett, we are much better as friends" you said as the girl placed tea infront of you with a smile. She invited you to her place for tea after you rejected her confession. "Of course dear, some people aren't suited for each other" she said softly as she slipped her tea watching you do the same.

"and some people make mistakes, as humans we can get so confused we aren't sure what we desire" she stated calmly as she watched the homemade drugs she put in the tea work, you were sweating bullets and panting softly.

"oh sweetie, you dont look too well." She said with a smile as you laid back on the couch closing your eyes feeling everything spinning.

"I'll nurse you back to health my darling"

Yuuta & yuuji

Yuuta hummed as he buckled the gag around your mouth before pressing a button in the center of the ball gag hearing it beep. "Careful, if you try to release your teeth from that Ball it could explode would hate for you to lose your jaw" the older twin said before he kissing your temple as yuuji ran his fingers through your hair hugging you from behind.

"it's just until we can trust you my sweetheart. I mean you said no to our date, how cruel. So we just had to swipe you away and take you home"

You struggled lightly against the ropes as you sat in the chair but it was impossible. The two moved infront of you both of them holding hands as they stared at you.

"be our pet.." yuuji started with a smile

"...or die painfully" yuuta ended with an annoyed huff.

Rin

"I don't understand why you're crying, clowns are supposed to be funny." The male said as he placed the crown he made on your head, the intestines dripping blood on your face as you stared at your family that laid on the ground cut open.

Rin hummed softly unsure what it will take to make you smile until he took out a real heart before squeezing it so hard it squirted blood everywhere. "Y/n you make my heart burst with love!" He cheers out before hearing only your crying and screams which caused him to pout.

"yeah that was a bad joke, it's not even my heart. Hmm let's see, oh! I know!" He cheers now reaching into the body and grunting at he took out the stomach and showed it to you "I can't stomach being without you!" He cheers out laughing at his own joke.

Your screaming and sobbing was getting old now, the male sighs as he crawled towards you nuzzling his face against your stomach. "baby, im trying my best here. You have to work with me I mean you don't seem to be enjoying my show...tell me y/n what do you wish for me to do to make it better?"

"l-let me-"

Rin covered your mouth with his hand, the blood smell was making you dizzy and you started to cry more. "I can't do that my little star. You know I can't so stop asking" he hissed out before he pulled back and gasped with joy

"oh I know!" He said as he rushed off rolling a large ball covered in human skin before he hopped on balancing on one foot holding his arms out as the ball rolled. "Huh? Impressive right?" He cheers out only to sigh

"you're not being any fun y/n, you need to stop sobbing. It really was cute the first time but now it's annoying."

#yandere imagines #yandere #yandere ocs

[xeo-kunsatan]

MonsterOlympics One Shot +13 (Part 2)

This One shot is divided in parts because is long as hell XD, as well this contains many racy jokes, black humor and swearing, if youre sensitive with this humor i recommend you to not read this shit, as well this One shot is just for fun. (Sorry this time i have no illustrations, im Lazy, use your imagination XD)

Nobody have expected it, Farley and Toralei run quickly to hug eachother, they

were really happy to see eachother again.

The Students from Monster High were surprised because their most problematic and devilish Classmate was acting completely lovely with surprisely a Dog, something unusual in her especially for her pals Purrsephone and Meowlody who didn't understand their friend's behavior.

Cleo The Nile

Daughter of the Momy

Age: 5843 (or more)

Gender: Female

Species: Momy

Cleo: I cant Believe what my Beautiful eyes are watching...

Pinky: Me too Sis... Me too..

Farid: here we go again...

Claw: Mew?

P&M: Meww~

The Twin Cats went close to Them catching their attention.

Purrsephone and Meowlody

Daughters of Werecats.

Age: 16

Gender: Females

Species: Werecats

Purrsephone: You most be her Frrriend's brotherrrs~?

Farren: didn't you know that she was a friend of a Dog?

Meowlody: she told us something similarrr before, but we thought it was a joke knowing her.

Farid: well for more surprising it seems, it's true.

Purrsephone: do you know since when they meet eachother?

Farren: since we used to be pups living in the streets, one day we found her escaping from a store-man, prepare yourself because this part will make this part long.

Flashback.

The street of Monsteropolis was chill, a group of 3 Poodle puppies where looking for something to eat.

Farren: Agh I'm Hungry, and you?

Farid: *sob* i think i have a hole inside my stomach...

Farley: Calm down brothers, maybe we can go to Madame Ghoulasha's shop to ask for food. you know the trick, We Knock the door, we will use the puppy eyes effect against her and she will give us food.

Farren: i still don't understand why that trick works that well.

Farid: isn't obvious? We are pretty adorable but More me~.

Farren: *chuckles* aren't supposed to have a "hole inside your stomach?".

Farid: Hey! I'm Hungry but I'm still fabulous.

Farley: Guys look!

Suddenly the puppers found a shop man ogre chasing a kitten with a bottle.

Mr Ogre: Come back here you stupid mutt!!

Toralei: as you wish!

Mr Ogre followed the kitten to a dark alley

Farley: we can't leave them like that

Farren: Are you Serious!? It's a Cat!!

Farid: Eww yeah, what if they has fleas?

Farley: We have fleas too..*shows them a flea walking through his paw furr* and she needs our help, remember Stray animals always can help other stray animals.

Farren: but what if they doesn't thanks us?

Farley: We can throw them to the sewers

:3.

Farren: okay let's go.

The 3 puppies followed the Ogre to the Alley.

Mr Ogre: *manages to catch her*

Gotcha!

Toralei: No!!

Mr Ogre: Hah did you thought that you would escape from me?.

Toralei: Hssss!!! Let me go you bastard!!

Mr Ogre:*takes a razor* or what?

Toralei:..*gulp*...

Mr Ogre: heh your journey ends here kitty- agh!?

The Ogre was about to end with the kitten life but he suddenly was stopped by the tackle of the triplet Poodles, making him faint and drop the kitten.

Toralei: Mew!!

Farley:*catches her* Gotcha! Are you okay?

Toralei: T-thanks, *sniffs him* wait.. are you a Dog!? *Jumps off*

Farid: "your welcome" hmp!

Farley: Yes we are dogs, but i didn't wanted to leave you alone and less with that man about to make Cat-Hash with you.

Toralei: Well.. i usually can escape by myself but.. still, thank you.

Farley: at your service miss.. uhh

Toralei: Toralei Stripe, and you arrre?

Farley: My name is Farley, and this are my brothers, The sour one is Farren.

Farren: Hey!

Farley: and the Narcissist pup who is looking his reflection with the Ogre's razor is Farid.

Farid: who is a pretty puppy? I am! ÙwÚ.

Farley: and i am Farley, together we are the Fluffy Gang.

Toralei: Wow you are all a team, nice to meet ya, I wish I could have my own mates, my older siblings were all adopted except me...

Farley: don't worry, you can come with us and be part of the Gang!

Toralei: Yay! :D

Farid/Farren: What!? D:<

Farley: you can come with us the Time you want until you found out your own mates.

Toralei: Oki Doki! :D

Farren: Farley what the fluff!?

Farid: Whyyyy?~...

Farley: Aww c'mon guys it would be fun.

Farren: i don't think she would like to come with us.."we have fleas"

Toralei: I have Fleas too :D.

Farren: Ok Fair enough.

Farley: Well lets go >:3!

Suddenly the Ogre started to wake up

Mr Ogre: You Little-..

The Cubs: No D:<! *pulls out his cords*

Mr Ogre: What the-!!!... AAAARGHH!!

The Ogre fell from the stairs of another Alley, by then break his neck in the last step, dying in that moment. The Fluffy gang and Toralei didnt believed that they really killed someone.

Farid: *Panic Attack* Oh no! Oh no! we killed him! What we will do!? im too younger and beautiful to go to Jail!! D,:>!!

Toralei: Me Too! D,:<

Farren: *Slaps Farid* Farid Calm Down! this is not the moment for your whines!

Toralei: What we will do Farley?...

Farley:...Uhhhh... look! there is a tip to the sewers, we can throw the body there :D!.

Toralei: Good Idea >:D!.

Farren: Are we Literally ignore that we killed a man?..

Farid: *Sighs* at least we will not go to Jail ;w;

Farren: Ok lets do this!..

Then The Fluffy gang and Toralei with effort, they managed to threw the body of the Ogre to the sewers so anyone will not notice their crime.

Farren: Well, the Job is finished... what now?

Farid: Oww im Still hungry ....

Toralei: Guys, that man had a shop with full of food, thats where i taked the Bottle with milk wich is not in the ground...

Farley: Ok lets go for some snacks! :D

The Fluffly Gang and Toralei: Yay :D

Flashback Ends.

Farren: And thats How we meet Toralei

Farid: Cute isn't?

Meowlody: a little...

Purrsephone: we literrrally thought it was a joke.

Meowlody: And i cant believe that you killed a man..

Farid: We were just babies, we didnt know what we are doing heheh~

Claw: hm?

Meowlody: and this little one?

Farren: Its Claw, His Dying mother gave him to us to save him from the hunters, so he lives with us as a younger sibling, The Principal Stratos usually overprotects him.

P&M: Thats so cute from you part mew~

Claw: *sniffs them* mew

P&M: *sniff him* ...

Claw: *purrrs*

P&M: Awww

Farley: I cant believe we are finally together

Toralei: Me too! ;w; *Purring* I missed you so much!

Farley: *Waving tail* I missed you too!

Frankie: Its so Cute to see this...

Meanwhile..

Manny Taur

A Fucking Minotaur Bully

Age: 17

Species: Minotaur

Gender: Male

Manny: Aww look at this, what are you supossed to be Rabbit?

Bradley: a Vampire/Jackalope Hybrid

Manny: Hah! Vampire!? but youre so tiny

Bradley: well at least the size your dick compensates the size of your brain and intelligence..

Manny: *blushes* How dare you!?

Bradley: well.. its part of your biology..

Manny: Thats it you are Death!

Frankie: Manny No!

Manny was about to Hit Bradley (wich didnt seem scared) but suddenly he was attacked by Skeebo before he would hurt his beloved bunny.

Skeebo: Dont you dare to hurt my boyfriend!

Manny: Your Boyfriend? *chuckles* dont play dumb, you are a fox and Foxes eats rabbits like him!

Skeebo: *Whispers* Shh shh please dont expose what i do with him everynight~

Bradley: im an Arctic Hare not a rabbit...wait*blushes* Skeebo!

Skeebo: Sorry Dear~

Manny: you guys are gross...

Frankie: Thats Enough Manny, do you want me to tell Minnie about your Behavior?

Manny: Oh no! Please dont tell my sister!...

Skeebo: Heh... he is afraid of his sister~

Manny: At least i have a sister

Skeebo: !!!......

Bradley: You son of a Bitch! how dare you!? just because you heard the most of us are orphans doesnt give you the rights of making fun of Us!

Frankie: Wait.. are you Orphans?..

Skeebo: Thats it!...

A Fight Started between Manny and Skeebo, but it was stopped by Miss Bloodgood and Stratos.

Bloodgood: You 2 Stop!

Stratos: You both will go to detention!..

Manny: Thats why Maze High is a bad copy of Monster High, the Students here are all Awfull!!

All: *Gasps*

Claw: *Cries*

Farley/Toralei: What did you said!?

Farren/Farid: You will pay for this!

Betrayus: calm down.. not here!

Skeebo: You said that because at least all of you have their own families...

Bloodgood: Manny Taur...you will be grounded by the rest of the event, the meeting is over..

Stratos: Mistress Bloodgood...I am so sorry for this..

Bloodgood: No no... its not your fault, *sighs* i will correct my student.. Good luck in the event..

Stratos: Good luck for you too...

Manny: *gulp*...

Stratos: Me too...

Frankie: Oh gosh.. i am so sorry..

Skeebo: Its Okay.. we are all used to be seeing like this..*Leaves* Bradley: Skeebs...*sighs*.... its true... While me as some less of my classmates.. mostly of them are all orphan.. for it they basically live here..

Frankie: Ou... i have no idea..

Bradley: Its okay.. as my boyfriend said.. we are used to be judged by other schools... and... Mostly of that students from other schools have their own families...*follows Skeebo*...

Frankie: *Sighs*

The meeting ended and the Monster High Students returned to their homes, while the students from Maze high returned to their dorms, an exception to Farley and Toralei wich where in the school garden trying to calm down Claw.

Farley: Awww Claw dont cry, he will not hurt you.

Toralei: when i see him, i will scratch his ugly bull face so nobody will recognize him not even with the passaport.

Claw: *sob* *sob*

Toralei: Dont Cry little Fella, that awfull bull will not hurt you anymore *pets Claw*

Claw: *Purrs*

Farley: Thank you Toralei, maybe im tired of the boring boomer of Stratos but he still needs a rest.

Toralei: You dont have to thank me, this fella needed it.

Farley: thats right...*Blushes* Its so nice to have you here..

Toralei: *Blushes* Ahh.. yeah i feel the same, heh

Farley: You want me to accompany to your home?

Toralei: Nah, i can go by myself, cats loves nocturnal walks.

Farley: W-w-well see you tomorrow..

Toralei: S-see you T-tomorrow...

Toralei left the gardens to return to her home, while Farley was watching her leave still blushed.

Farley: *sighs*

Claw:*giggles*

Farley: what?..

To be Continued..

#monster maze high #monstermaze high #pmatga au #pmatga #pacman and the ghostly adventures

[ajokeformur-ray]

I watched Joker tonight and typed out my thoughts as they occurred to me. Unedited; typos are guaranteed. I did this a few months ago and really enjoyed looking back at my thought process and I wanted to do it again so that I can look back and know that what I feel is real and true in my darkest times.

You're welcome to skip this; it's under a cut for ease of doing so. Warnings for occasional sexual comment lmao. There’s no self shipping in this, I don’t think.

word count: 2, 575.

I’M SOBBING and I’ve only just pressed play.

Heart squeeze Chest much ow

THERE HE IS

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nooooo baby omg don’t pretend - let yourself hurt if it hurts. Don’t pretend. 

Carnival Carnival Carnivalllllllll 😍😍😍😍😍

I am a Simp for one clown and his name is Carnival

Someone help him, I????

That sign hit Arthur as hard as my love for him did ksksksk

MY EYES BE LEAKIN💔💔💔💔💔

bb nooooo

Oh honey let me kiss those bruises and replace the marks of violence with love, hm? You’re safe with me.

Breathe, my love. Don’t fight the laughter. Let it out, let yourself go. 

Screams into a pillow because????? much sad must kiss

“have you been keeping up with your journal?” LIKE HE HAS TIME

oHHHHH boi’s close to losing his shit

Do it, Artie. Give ‘em hell.

“I think I did” YOU TELL HER!!💖💖💖

I want to be his cigarette. Where’s Satan??? I got a new deal for my blackened soul which he took at half price😂😂😂😂

I’d have my hand between the door and his head so fuckin fast I swear

“I just don’t wanna feel so bad anymore” yep SAME

ohhhh peekaboo🥺🥺🥺

this makes me giggle ksksksk i watch this scene when i feel sad bc it always makes me happy for the time it’s on

he’s so good with kids; he doesn’t have to try and think about what’s funny, he just does it, he’s himself and it works

FUCK OFF LADY CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S STRUGGLING????

give

him

back

his

card

casually wrinkling my nose against tears lmao

ohhh the way he looks up at those stairs from the bottom

i can feel his exhaustion

me too, my love

step step step step

god i wanna get him the fuck outta gotham

and into my arms and a soft, warm blanket

“eat. you need to eat” LITERALLY WHAT I TELL MYSELF EVERY DAY IN HIS VOICE BC OTHERWISE I JUST WOULDNT EAT???? I’m losing so much weight asdfghjk its not enough tho

SUPAH RATS

Did Arthur come up w that joke or was it actually a Murray joke????

HIS VOICE IS SO SOFT IM CRY??🥺🥺🥺🥺

“I WAS PUT HERE TO SPREAD JOY AND LAUGHTER”

YOU DO BABY, YOU DO!!!! EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!

go deepthroat a cactus randall - youre already a bit of a prick so🙃🙃🙃

“THE GUYS THINNK YOU’RE A FREAK BUT I LIKE YOU”

HOYT. YOU CAN GO SIT ON A CACTUS TOO

FUCK OFF

😡😡😡😡

“WHY WOULD ANYONE STEAL A SIGN”//”WHY DOES ANYONE DO ANYTIHNG?” HOYT YOU’RE SO FUCKING ILLOGICAL HERE IM????? ERIKA DOES NOT (ALSO WILL NOT LMAO IM A STUBBORN BIITCH) COMPUTE

Can arthur fuck me like he pounds the trash/????🥵🥵👀

those dark curls.... that crooked tooth... must kiss.🥺🥺🥺

pennys casual cruelty makes me so fucking angry

foreshadowingggggg ~  *JAZZ HANDS*

ugh the way he dances with that gun im👀🥵🥵🥵

he enjoys the power of it and his breathing gets deeper asdfghjk

clumsy baby omggggg i just COOED 🥺🥺🥺🥺

okay maybe im stupid but i genuinely dont understand this “senior who needs to graduate” skit i’m??? how is being an intro to western civ student funny im???? someone explain???

but also dont bc fuck that guy lmao arthur’s hilarious

true millenial humour (and brit humour lmao we’re dark asf)

THE WAY ARTIE TWIRLS HIS FINGERS AROUND HIS HAIR AND DANCES IN HIS SEAT IM???🥺🥺🥺

wanna curl up on his lap at night when hes writing and go to sleep with a 

blanket around our bodies🥺🥺🥺🥺

when arthur wears a shirt at home you KNOW it’s a daydream

THAT CROOKED TOOTH IM WANT KISS.

WAIT IS IT CALLED STAND UP COMEDY BC YOU STAND UP... AND ITS COMEDY???

23 FUCKING YEARS, PEOPLE... TO REALISE THAT🙄

WHEN CARNIVAL CAME ON SCREEN I NTHE HOSPITAL I MADE A PORNOGRAPHIC NOISE LMAO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, SHOOT MURRAY

WOOPS WRONG LYRICS

😂

“doctor of laughter”🥺🥺🥺🥺

doctor i have a case of the Big Sad can you... do an exam? 😉😏

NO BB DONT BEAT YOUR HEAD UP THERES PRECIOUS CARGO IN THERE

in what world does chucking cold greasy chips in a girls hair being “nice”???

lmao fuck these guys

ohhh honey breathe. dont fight it, my love, just breathe.

my heart’s breaking for you, you sweet thing🥺🥺🥺

i love you so so so so so so so much ugh you’re an actual fucking angel

just breathe darling

i need to get you a cup of tea with honey in it, your throat must be so sore

ohhhh baby im so sorry

i’d take every single punch if i could

i’d die for you

i wish i could protect you

i wish i could look after you

and take all those hits

and kill those guys for you

im so sorry

sobbingggg

YES GOOD MAN THANK YOUUU

KILL THOSE ASSHOLES LMAO DESERVED IT

yeah i have a grey morality... im similar to deadpool in that way tbh

carnival comin’ to kill your insecurities

8 bullets in a 6 chamber???? mm-hm

DONT FORGET YOUR BAG THATS EVIDENCE

AND THE WIG

RUN BABY RUNNNNNNN

GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLSEYE

THE SOUND OF HIS FEET SLAPPING THE PAVEMENT IM👀

OOOOOH JOKER’S WAKIN’ UUUUUUP

fuck he’s so hypnotic

the way he runs his hand down his lower stomach asdfghj🥵

must kiss the inner tendons on his wrists and lick the blood off his face 

must kiss

he moves like water

fuck hes so fluid

bathroom scene = the scene in which my heart and vagina clench at the same time

im WANT

T POSEEEEEEEE

“i still owe you for that, dont i?”

PUNCH OUT IS MY FAVOURITE THING E  V  E  R

D O N T S M I LE

UGH I FUCKING HATE being told to smile if i don’t fucking want to so BIG mood

PLEASE SHUSH ME THE WAY YOU JUST SHUSHED PENNY IM???

but also dont lmao bc i’ll think you’re mad at me and i’ll hide in the bedroom for the rest of the day lmao i’m sensitive✨✨✨

i wanna sit on his lap and still his bouncing knees

“thats not funny”

fuck off penny yes it is

I JUST CHOKED ON MY COFFEE IM???

“but i do” god the  P O W E R

ugh that fucking sexist piece of shit comedian can choke “women look at sex like buying a car” 🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮

chauvinistic pigs can die thanks

his lil trip upstage im cry🥺🥺🥺

ohhh baby. just breathe, darling. it’s okay to be scared. dont fight it. just breathe. 

he and i both cover our mouths when we laugh/smile in the exact same way and it makes me feel closer to him

how can they think hes laughing at himself when hes literally gagging????

people only see what they wanna

the Penny imitation is👌👌👌

s m i l e

i remember when i came home from seeing this for the first time, i got home and dropped to my knees to cry in the bathroom. it was such an emotional release and so much love and i played smile to try to make myself smile but i only made myself cry harder lmaooooo ~ 

smile and thats life are my go-to songs if i gotta cheer tf up

danger sign = neither works

he looks so soft after his “date”🥺🥺🥺

“thats life” yeah but murray you dont even leave the studio so how do you know????

ngl arthur’s anger scares me.

anyone so much as raise their voice at me and i’ll cry really bad and i will shut myself away for the rest of the day and quiet anger terrifies me so his banging abt in the kitchen would freak me tf out😲

angry bb😭

he controls his anger so fast though omgggg ~ 

that soft please sends me

idk where it sends me lmao

down below probably

BARE FACED CARNIVAL OMG THIS SCENE IS SO CUTE

I LOVE THE MATCHING COLOURS ON ARTHUR AND BRUCE TOO ???

okay but the implication that arthur always carries a clown nose on him is🥺🥺🥺

hes such a good clown im?????

lmao im enjoying the show more than bruce is skskskk

arthur’s lil chuckle makes me🥺

his HUMMING im??? soft?????

his brows are so strong and dark omggg ~ he’s so beautiful

OKAY i’ll be honest i’ve seen this alfred/bruce scene and the thomas bathroom scene later on and the penny flashback scene a 100 times and i still dont fucking understand what did or didnt happen regarding arthur’s parentage im????

 ive seen interpretations to say he is thomas’ son and some to say he isnt and i still cant decide so? im stupid i guess 🙃

“a clown thing?” the  s a s s

“it’s exit only” yeah so’s my ass🙃

if i was there in the hospital room i woulda turned that tv off as soon as i realised what clip was gonna play

murray’s cruelty is d i s g u s t i n g

lmao hes an asshole

arthurs lil clap from joyyyyy ~ 🥺🥺🥺

did i say murray???

i meant  m u r r a t

🙃🙃🙃

sneaky baby

wayne hall either has super bad security or arthurs v quick on his feet

🤔🤔🤔🤔

he looks so good in red omggg ~ 

f o r e s h a d o w i n g

arthurs smile when hes watching chaplin is how he smiles when we all gush to each other abt him and ourselves!!!

hes so cuuuuuute🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

“told me what” 

ohhhh honey🥺🥺 im so sorry. “crazy” is a trigger word for arthur; it made him start laughing in the bathroom with thomas

“touch my son again ill fucking kill you” yeah?? touch my arthur again and i’ll fucking kill you🙃🙃🙃🙃

^^^ that ones a joke do not come at me

the clerk in arkham was nice to arthur - he, gary and sophie are the good gothamites.

none of it was enough to stop his descent into joker, though, and i’d even say it was too late right at the beginning of the film, too... 

his sock puppet thingy “they cut all those” is such a Joker thing to doooo ~ 

the way arthur’s laughing in the hall at arkham turns into sobbing is gut-wrenching omg the poor thing😭

i wanna hug him and protect him and help him to process this in a healthy way

sweetheart, if i could take all of your pain and put it onto me... i so would. i’d do it in a heartbeat.

i wanna get you into a hot shower, make you some food and sit and listen to you. we can either sit in silence or you can talk to me, my love, and you will be heard and understood and loved.

“i had a bad day”

IT’S OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY OMG YOU POOR SWEET INNOCENT THING IM LOVE YOU🥺💔

THAT ENTIRE LATE NIGHT SCENE LAUGH/SOBBING GOT ME -

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i just wanna hold you and protect you and help you and love you

I’m so fucking sorry, darling. i wish i could take it all away from you

“i havent been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”

NO ONE SHOULD LOOK THAT ANGELIC AFTER COMMITING MATRICIDE IM????

get

that

fucking

gun

away

from

your

face

boi dont test me ill fucking go feral or - no, tell you what, i’ll point the gun at me and see how you like it

im looking respectfully at the green speckled undies scene....👀👀👀

“coming” 😏😏😏

“my mum died im celebrating” and “i stopped taking my medication” and you STILL stayed in the apartment with Arthur????? dudes those are 🚨🚨🚨 signs

woe betide anyone who underestimates arthur fleck lmaoooo

randalls death scene makes me laugh every time omg i feel so vindictive

get WRECKED

i wanna lick the blood off his face. i really want to

ngl i think i have a blood kink... 

“dont look just go” ME WITH MY ACNE WHEN I SEE IT IN THE MIRROR 😂😂😂😂

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER 

ASDFGHJKL

J

O

K

E

R

ERIKA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERRRRRR

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍��😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 MY BABY MY MAN OMG THERE HE IS IM CRY???????😭🥺😭🥺😭🥺

my mind is literally blank rn im just staring and crying and smiling so hard my face hurts????? im love him so so so so much

sweet thing’s so used to pain he gets HIT BY A CAR AND KEEPS GOING????

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

hghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

euirrrrrrgkjbgkfbirsghigrbugr

*incoherent keyboardsmash to portray utter love*

ohhh baby no dont cry. oh honey😭 i wanna sit on your lap and kiss your tears away

“i love dr sally”

you have a WIFE at home

“DO YOU REMEMBER?” THAT WAS YOUR CUE TO APOLOGISE LMAO GET FUCKED MURRAT

he’s so CUTE

omgggg ~ 

my hearts gonna give out its SQUEEZING SO HARD IT HURTS

YOU MOCK THEM, BABY!!! THEY GOT IT COMING

“i wanna get it right” hes so passionate

my comments have deceased in number bc im just too starstruck and in love to even think clearly lmao

jokers all i know rn and this is the most peaceful ive felt in WEEKS

im sobbing

ugh fuck this hurts so BAD

youre speaking the truth, darling. im so so proud of you and i love you so much

“THEY COULDNT CARRY A TUNE TO SAVE THEIR LIVES” LMAO INSIDE JOKESSS

literally sobbing right now ugh what the fuck youre in so much pain and in the middle of a breakdown and no one saw you

ugh baby im so sorry, you deserve so much better

you tried so hard and you were gonna fall no matter what

IN THE WHITE ROOM

“hi” baby they cant hear you but im COOING 🥺🥺🥺🥺

you’re so fucking cute

say the word and ill burn gotham to the fucking ground for you

i wanna sit atop that car and cradle your head in my lap and wipe the blood off your face and help you stand up and be there for you and and and😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love you so so so much. 

i’d be so much worse off without you in my life. you brought a splash of colour which has never dimmed or faded. it never will. 

b l o o d    s m i l e

=

im wearing my inside on the outside now and it still hurts

angel💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i see you and your pain. i love you.

i see you, angel. 

his genuine laughter is🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

that cute lil “ksksks” he does im🥺🥺🥺

i always laugh with him omg the two of us are laughing together ugh its the closest i will ever get to sharing in his joy

 t h a t ‘s    l i f e

i love the hallway daaaaaaaaaaaaaance ~ 

them hips dont lie😉😉😉

i love you i love you i love you i love you omg the sun’s like a halo ugh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you im singing along to thats life while i type out how much i love you at 220am lmaooooo ~ 

i   l o v e    y o u

#erileck #<- ref tag #arthur fleck #joker 2019 #erika talks

[slasherkisses]

Can I get something with Billy and Stu (poly or not) with an S/O that’s been abused? Thank you!

so this is my first actual request and im sorry its taken me so long to get to it anon, life fucked me. im also really sorry if its not exactly what you wanted, i pulled a lot from personal experience and just kinda went from there. also sorry, im on mobile so theres no read more break :(

poly ghostface + an s/o thats been abused

You awoke screaming, scrambling until you felt your back hit the headboard of your bed. You could hear voices around you but you couldn’t place them, hands reached from somewhere to rest on your lower back, you screamed and ducked away. Tears blurred your vision, all you could see were shapes coming closer to you and pausing, as if rethinking their movements. The shapes backed away. Good. Your head rest against your knees that were pulled against your chest, you were trying to get your breathing under control when you felt something soft wrap around your shoulders. You tensed up before realizing it was a blanket, pulling it over your head you folded further into yourself letting your tears fall.

Stu’s heart ached seeing you like this. He vaguely knew about your past, the abuse you suffered. When you first hinted at it he was filled with rage, how could anyone treat someone like that?! Especially you! When you told him not to do anything to the person who did it he wanted to argue, but something in your eyes told him to drop it. The nights were the worst, during the day he could distract you and make any bad things disappear for a while. Tell a stupid joke, pull a dumb prank, hold you and tell you how much he loved you. It was so easy during the day. At night... well there wasn’t much he could do. You needed your space, as much as he wanted to wrap you in his arms to make it all go away, he knew that would just make it worse. “I want to kill them Billy. I want to make them suffer for making Y/N suffer.” Billy grabbed Stu’s hand and gave it a squeeze, letting him know he felt the same way. Stu climbed back onto the bed slowly, he wanted to hug you. Looking into your eyes, he paused. The amount of panic, the amount of pain... he backed away. Holding back tears, hands clenched by his sides he made a promise to himself, no one will ever make you feel that way ever again. He would make sure of it.

Billy gently placed a blanket over your shoulders, he wanted to do more but knew he’d just make everything worse. He stood next to a pacing Stu watching you with a blank face. When the sobs started taking over your body he turned and left the room, making his way to the kitchen. Watching you cry tore him apart so whenever you got to this stage he had to leave the room. He pulled out a mug and started making you a hot chocolate, you never really drank it but it made him feel like he was being useful somehow. Stu’s words echoed in his ears, he wanted to make them suffer too. He’d been thinking about it for a long time now. The torture him and Stu would put them through for causing you this much pain. Glass shattered and pain ran through his hand. He’d broken another mug in his rage. Stu came out of the room gently carrying you in his arms. “Is Y/N doing better?” Stu looked down at you and nodded. You looked so fragile in Stu’s arms, like you would break at any moment. Billy walked over and kissed you on the forehead, then kissed Stu on the cheek. This was his family now, he’d do anything to protect you and Stu. Anyone who made you feel like this was going to pay the price.

ye so i hope this was okay, i tried to avoid anything that would trigger anyone but if you need this tagged as something please tell me!

#this hit very close to home for me #so its kinda self serving #i hope its okay :( #requests #stu macher x reader #billy loomis x reader #stu macher #billy loomis #poly ghostface #my writing

[convxction]

[ [ yells across dumblr

i owe my life to oscar for promoting the translation of the new cd dramas that were out a while ago. i was in pain since i didnt understand much of what was going on but hnnng it is time! check here for the reddit post, check here for youtube list videos for the cd drama!

now that finished. let me rant about what i finally, understood ehehe. down below to not bore you.

information number one: gerome is savage confirmed yet again.

my face when chrom was talking about ‘sensing’ avatar is acting strange

and it circles back to the first drama cd nicely. niiice.

me: i mean. you have two hands krumb. 

uh. the person renting free in avatar’s body. gtfo. i mean you, you know who you are....gwima!

also gerome strikes again

he is talking about chrom being overprotective of avatar and it seems lucina concern about this. . . . jelly are we now lucina? haha. jokes aside, i understand why she would be concerned. but wont go in details here i will leave lucina’s parts for my multmuses where i write her there. 

and we have some freaky incident. cool. the mask but you sleep.

again, lucina talk skip. but i will take it to canon of my blog that chrom is now aware of what fucked up mentality his future daughter has. not nice.

what else depressing than hearing this line?

then avatar being the good bean he is  . . . . sobs. the nice words that resonated with chrom. exucse me, tissue. he said nice things when chrom was down.

then lucina trying to be serious about the situation. guys we will forget what we just realized now.

chrom be like LOL dats funny.

and he says something so ...powerful. i hate you man.

sniffles. 

n-next.

cue gerome being tsun.

okay, thats about it.

but yes. chrom and avatar may not remember what happened but it is the words impact would remain engraved in their souls, you know? like the whole thing with avatar slowly turning and admitting that they were not alright for a long time, may be replayed again but this time i think it is...controllable you know? i think this fit quite well with what happened in the game. it fit that in the end, avatar did NOT kill chrom because this whole thing was not just ‘hey chrom im being controlled. i will kill. so trust me i wont this time.’ they went through something together which made it when it actually happened a whole a lot easier to fix. nice nice.

honestly, i am just happy to see a translation for this so dont take this as just the only time i will rant about this. i will try to link the game, the previous drama cd and this one in a future post. someday. lmao. like how chrom circled back to wanting avatar to have a family. avatar slowly falling into darkness, touch on lucina a little bit, the ruined future, the WORDS and how impactful they were on both of them. 

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this is so good . . . i love this.

just chrom: lmao i will knock sense in you if i had to do it million times, bich. you are my homie, my other part bich. 

haha. aw krumb you dumb. i love you. 

now i go ...idk. do something else and not think about this. im just....feels. that i cant do anything about. sobs. anyone wanna buy feels off me? thanks.

#⚔ooc.⚔ (faty speaks) #⚔headcanon.⚔ (building up) #[[sobs. i really need to revisit this soon. #[[very thankful to the translator. you are awesome i hope you have the best things in the world. #[[you save one dumb girl.

[otterplusharchive]

ep 33 thoughts im in pain

- the very beginning shot thats like people spinning around wwx echoing them saying all these horrible things to him about how hes terrible as he is just reeling from the death of his sister. its a very powerful shot you really do get the feeling of him literally spinning out of control

-"wwx is injured!! quickly capture the tiger seal for me!!" yeah we all see what this is all REALLY about. they find any reason they can to attack and accuse wwx of things despite them mercilessly killing the wen civilians entirely because theyre power hungry. the fight scene once wwx drops it just proves that all their ohh were together as clans fighting against wwxs evil was just bullshit and all they really want is the power and theyre willing to kill anyone to get ut

- wwx crying sobbing while laughing hurts me so much

- wwx smiling so sadly when he 1. sees lwj grab him 2. sees jc some to the cliffside. he really is ready to die by the hands of his loved ones and also is ready to die bc he thinks its better for them im so sad. also jc is holding back tears and is clearly emotional as hes pulling back to strike and he fucking hits the god damn rock instead of actually hitting his brother. wwx is the one to let go

- the absolute horror on lwjs face as he watches wwx fall and cries out wei ying, and then the horror on jcs face as he sees his brother falling to his death who he has just tried to push off the cliff. the peaceful look on wwxs face as he closes his eyes and falls.

- tbh i did not expect the flashback to wrap up within like the first 10 minutes of this episode i thought that this whole ep was gonna be more fighting and stuff leading up to the cliff and when it was like 16 years later i had to be like OK HOLD ON I NEED TO THINK ABOUT WHERE THE FUCK WE EVEN LEFT OFF BEFORE im glad they spliced in those little flashes of scenes from the first few eps to be like yea we know its been 30 episodes heres a refresher

- lwj playing for wwx as he sleeps and when wwx wakes up he just has the most tender loving smile looking over at lwj. i cant believe they invented romance

- lwj having to wait 3 years to check the valley bc he cant bring himself to look for wwxs body im so sad. also "would you believe me?" "i believe you"

- wwx walking out into the cloud recesses and seeing his younger self and his siblings made me SO upset. the contrast between him now and his young self hurts so much the way he watches himself and his siblings joke around with this look of both love and aching loss is so sad

- THE BUNNIES!!!

- lwjs scars im so sad

- i saw lan sizhui and audiably went ITS BABY!!! i love him sm the juniors are so good

- A DUET BABEEEEYYY YEEHAW

- lwjs uncle waking up and seeing wwxs blurred outline and immediately going STOP FUCKING PLAYING THE FLUTE WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU right after wwx went aw gee i cant let my old teacher know its me was SO funny

- screaming sword two electric boogaloo

- wwx talking with his son.. even if he doesnt realize its his son he still is just inclined to ask whats wrong and listen to this kids worries hes so good

- "naturally i trust you"

- i know that them both going XUE YANG at the same time is like a moment of oh fucking shit realization but i laughed bc it felt like the equivilant of them going FUCK at the same time i love them

- "it seems too coincidental" almost as if its been carefully plotted and planned for years hmm

- JIN LING FUCKING COMING IN WITH A KICK GOING FUCK YOU DONT EVEN SAY WWX AROUND ME hes so wild. and then wwx going oh good fucking god you learned all of jiang chengs bad traits i have to swoop in and have an uncle teaching moment with you is also so good

- PUPPY!! but also being scared of puppy :^(

#untamed lb

[heathenarmyimagines]

Title: A Different Time

Summary: After a bit more chaos the day finally chills out.

Pairing: Ivar x Reader

Taglist: @ubbesgirl, @shewolf2000, @tis-itheapplepie, @atequila, @demoncrypt1066, @greennightspider, @badbitsh13, @fireismysaftey, @minarawr, @laketaj24, @hvitserksgirl, @blahblahcookiesdoma, @fabulous-peasent, @sforsammmmmi, @minmiin1d, @courtrae89, @letsloveimagines, @tomarisela, @titty-teetee, @beyond-the-ashes@elenawrit, @mblaqgi, @whenimaunicorn, @chuflisworld, @mystruggledlife, @moose-squirrel-asstiel, @syreni-dea, @trashqueenbitch, @alykatv, @mbaku-babygirl, @perfectus-in-morte, @beyond-the-ashes, @neeadinghugs, @readsalot73, @triumphantreturnofpies, @anarchy-is-coming, @tephi101, @alicedopey, @ivarslittlebadgirl, @jtrstp, @nejijjeoroo, @charlylama, @ivartheblessed, @captstefanbrandt, @fabulouschrissi, @ivarsrideordie, @3x5gurl, @the-writer-appreciation-blog, @lolabee9, @captainfoxy22, @young-ugly-god, @im5ftbutmythroat66, @bribyyy, @irishhiggins, @cadetomlinson, @keclleon101, @slutforragnarssons, @ltkeke, @meeeeeeeeeps, @lille-kanin, @opalscarab, @ssraven7, @ivarandersen, @concretewaywardangel, @funmadnessandbadassvikings, @sharon-is-tired, @cadetomlinson, @mystruggledlife, @chuflisworld, @justmarissa97, @lol-haha-joke, @weirdly-randomly-awesome, @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanim, @idonthavehusbandsihavelovers, @alexa040004, @buckythetinman , @burntmythroatskullingmytea,@jorunnravenslayer, @two-unbeatable-beaters, @buffy-the-vampire-blogger, @arses21434, @ltkeke, @captainfoxy22, @chinduda

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven, Part Twelve, Part Thirteen, Part Fourteen 

You were unsure what to do, who to comfort first.

Ubbe and Hvitserk had each other, and Lagertha was taming Bjorn. So Ivar it was.

You went around to your room and walked through the connecting bathroom.

‘Ivar?’ you called softly as you entered the room, trying to prepare whatever disaster you might walk in on.

What you saw when you walked in proved you were right to be tense, Ivar was on the ground as if he had fallen from his chair and he was convulsing.

You rushed to his side and take him into arms, at first you thought you he was having a seizure, but you looked at his face and saw that his, while wide with fear, they were focused.

A panic attack.

‘Its OK Ivar, I’m right here, I’m with you.’ you said.

Still he couldn’t get in good breath.

‘OK, listen to me Ivar, we are going to take a deep breath. Breath in for four seconds.’ you said before taking a breath, making sure to watch Ivar do the same.

‘Good, good; now lets just hold it in for five seconds. One, two, three, four, five; now let it all out.’ you instructed,

Ivar let out a long sigh and seemed to calm down a bit, you and he did the exercise a few times until he was calm enough to speak.

‘There you go.’ you sighed in relief.

‘Sigurd will never forgive me no matter what I sacrifice...I will never forgive me.’ Ivar sobbed.

‘We will never return to Kattegat and it will be my fault because I killed him...my own brother.’ he cried.

You held him close.

‘Don’t you lose hope Ivar, things will get better, we’ll figure something out. For right now why don’t you get in bed and I’ll tuck you in and you can sleep until you feel better.’ you offered.

He wiped his eyes before he nodded and pull himself up onto the bed.

You pulled the covers over him and rubbed his hair gently ran a hand through his hair before you kissed his forehead.

‘Sweet dreams Ivar.’ you whispered.

Ivar didn’t say anything back, he just turned over and pulled the covers over his head, the way a child would after a bad day at school. 

You sighed sadly before you turned and left the room.

Once you were back in the  hall you were about to go and check on  Ubbe and Hvitserk when you heard a knock on the door.

You waled over to the door and looked through the peephole.

Alvin.

You rolled your eyes as you open the door.

‘You really couldn’t have chosen a worse time to show up unannounced.’ you said as you stepped outside closing the door behind you.

‘If I had called you wouldn’t have answered.’

‘No I’d answer...and tell you I don’t want you near my damn house.’ you sassed as you folded your arms.

‘Please (Y/N) let’s just talk, just the two of us. There isn’t a girl in my car and I even deleted every girl I had in my phone. I just...I want you back.’ he said reaching out to grab you by the waist.

You backed away from him.

‘What you do now doesn’t change what you did, or all the girls you did it with Alvin. So try peddling that “baby I want you back” shtick for the next girl, maybe she’ll fall for it.’ you said.

‘I’m not peddling anything, I miss you. I know I was wrong going out looking for sex behind your back. You weren’t ready, I respected that and didn’t want to force you, but I wasn’t patient enough to wait for you to be ready and found someone else.’

‘A lot of someones.’ you said.

‘Yes a lot...and each time it was wrong. The other girls they were just...sex and nudes, you were everything that mattered. A person to talk to, a friend I could trust and a good girl to bring home and settle down with.’

‘I was good to you Alvin, better than you deserved. I don’t like making the same mistake twice. We were a mistake; I’m not ready for sex, you aren’t ready wait for sex.’ you reasoned.

‘I’m ready to wait for you now.’

‘It’s too late Alvin.’ you said.

Just when Alvin was going to speak the door opened and there stood Bjorn, Ubbe, Hvitserk and Lagertha.

‘Who the hell is these people?’ he asked as he tensed up his body language.

‘We heard the door open and thought maybe it was Sigurd again.’ Hvitserk said as he looked at Alvin.

‘Is this Alvin?’ Lagertha asked.

‘Yes, he was just leaving.’ you said as you tried to herd them back into the house.

‘The one who made you cry? This is that Alvin?’ Ubbe asked as his looked your ex up and down, sizing him up.

‘Yes, everyone jus-

‘Good, just what I needed after the day I’ve had.’ Bjorn said as he stepped past you and got in Alvin’s face.

‘You got a problem old head?’ Alvin asked defensively getting in a fighting stance.

Bjorn didn’t seem to notice the change in position at all, he just grabbed Alvin by his shoulders and lifted him off the ground.

‘What the fuck?! Let go of me old man!’ 

‘Bjorn put him down! No fighting! I told you no fighting!’ you yelled as you  tried to make the beast of a man put down your poor ex.

With a heavy sigh and the roll of his eyes he dropped Alvin like a sack of potatoes.

‘All of you inside, we’ll talk later.’ you said as you went to help Alvin stand back up.

They all spared Alvin one last look before they went back inside.

‘Nah, what the hell was that shit who the hell were they and why they in yo house?!’ Alvin yelled angrily. 

‘Foreigners! I rented out some of the rooms for extra pocket money, they stay here until their visas expire. They were who I bought the clothes for at Walmart, I was going to tell you but you looked busy.’ you lied.

‘That big ass old motherfucker...tell his ass to get back out here!’ Alvin said angrily.

‘No! That man is veteran a damn good one from the stories he’s told he could kill you! Alvin just go, we are over and that old man is just having a bad day and so are you. Please please please just walk away, don’t tell anyone don’t call the cops or they could get in serious trouble. Alvin please do this one thing for me if you ever cared at all, just walk away and forget this.’ you begged.

He was still angry, you could see that, but he looked at you and sighed before he nodded.

‘I don’t snitch...not even on big ass old heads.’ he said.

You sighed with relief.

‘Thank you.’ 

‘Don’t sweat it...and (Y/N), I am sorry for what I did. If by some miracle you ever decided to give me a second chance I’d take it, and I would be better.’ he said before he turned and left.

You watched him get in his truck and drive off.

Now that he was gone you had a whole other monster to deal with inside.

You went inside and there they were on the couch with faces ready for a scolding.

‘I’m not mad or disappointed so I’m not going to yell, none of us need that right now. Today has been...today fucking sucked.’ you said bluntly.

‘I had to work, I got sexually harassed and you all have had a visit from your brother, my ex popped up and you nearly got into a second fight after we had avoided the first.’ you summarized.

‘Yes today...fucking sucked.’ Lagertha agreed.

‘I say we spend the rest of this long ass day watching TV, and eating our feelings. That’s how most people handle a bad day.’ you said as you set the TV up and pushed play on the show.

You head back into the kitchen to get a few bags of chips and Little Debbie snack cakes from the pantry, using your shoe to prop the door open just in case.

You came back into the living living room and put all the goods on the table and opened a few, showing them how to eat the snacks before you sat down on the love seat and opened a bag of Cheetos while the show played.

You all fall into a comfortable silence while watching Merlin, the vikings didn’t ask questions they just sat on the couch and ate.

Finally, things were chilled...for now at least.

#ivar lothbrok #ivar the boneless #ubbe lothbrok #hvitserk #bjorn ironside #lagertha #ivar x reader #a different time series

[jhonny]

thank you @hydrangeapng for tagging me!! you KNOW i love talking about jojo what the FUCK let’s GO

Favorite JoJo: oh you know how i feel about jotaro. that’s my boy that’s my BOY. i will never stop loving this man he just keeps getting better i’m gonna cry over him right now. he’s a dad now. he’s a father. he makes dad jokes and wears snakeskin pants. i’m sobbing. but honestly jolyne is another HUGE fave it is Real Daughter Hours like whenever i see her my protective father instincts just fucking activate like if you lay a finger on her i will kill you.

Favorite JoBro: considering how much kakposting i do and the fact that i run a daily kak sideblog the answer should be clear but technically he should not be counted bc i’m kinnie (slaps my own filthy pizza hands) sO it’s either .... polnareff, foo fighters or yasuho. should be obvious why i love pol but honestly ??? i just think yasuho is neat also fucking SUPERB you funky little lesbians

Favorite Part: stardust crusaders is the one i’m attached to for sure.. i just keep revisiting it like man i can’t move on you know i can’t. but right after that i think it’d be part 4! out of all of them i feel like it’s the most well made for sure and i Always have fun rereading or watching it. morioh is just .. really good

Favorite Major Villain: dio. definitely dio. love that gay bastard like EVERYTHING he does is just classic gay manoeuvres like moving polnareff down the stairs in stopped time just to intimidate him ???? the fucking gay drama of it all????

Favorite Minor Villain: hmmm tricky.. i still gotta reread some parts but off the top of my head, mannish boy and the jailhouse rock lady fuckin OWNED. also ndoul because of course. it’s ndoul

Death You’ll Never Be Over: jotaro is not dead you fucking assholes part 6 did NOT end like that i will murder anyone who implies otherwise they’re all FINE and eating at a cafe somewhere catching up

Which Yoshikage Kira is best: i STILL need to get more into jojolion but i really like new kira’s general vibes .. he seems a lot softer and also he’s gay now like .. wig

Is Killer Queen a Requiem Stand: absolutely. bites the dust fits the bill exactly, it gave him a new op ability that suited exactly what he needed at the time he was stabbed

Does Bruno wear lace or have a tattoo: it’s lace guys.. like tattoos are cool and all but it’s lace he’s gay

What’s Weather Report hiding under his hat: snail

Does Gyro have a grill or are those his teeth: JUST GOT IN A HEATED DISCUSSION W SAGE OVER THIS QUESTION. I THINK THEYRE HIS REAL TEETH CAUSE HES A FUCKIN GREASY BASTARD MAN BUT SAGE THINKS HES A RACIST MAN AND ITS A GRILL AND WE CANNOT AGREE

Does Johnny actually like Gyro’s “Pizza Mozarella” song: oh he loves it. we all saw how long he took to absorb it and think carefully before saying what he liked about it also THATS HIS BOYFRIEND ...

tagging time!! honestly whoever wants to do it can but i’m specifically gonna tag @jablinskigames @heavenascensiiondio KASS IM SO SORRY I FORGOT UR NEW BLOG CAN ONE OF YALL @ THEM ILY

#jjba #rowan.txt #tagged in #about #this belongs in my about tag dont @ me. #also THIS WAS A LOT OF FUN THANK U #I LOVE YELLIN ABT JOJO

[candyclan]

Coming out letter to my mom. (FTM) At the start of my transition, I wanted to go by a name that started with an “A”because my birthname did. All the rest of it is basically the same.

THE TRUTH:

I didn’t scream “I am a boy” at my parents. Honestly, my mother (specifically) controlled a lot of what I did, who I hung out with, and what I wore as a child. I believe she has/had an idea about what she wanted out of a daughter since I was born, and really just lived through me. I think she eventually had to give me room to make my own decisions, later in life. I didn’t come out until I was 16, although I had spent 6 months prior to even coming out thinking about my gender identity. I was extremely sheltered. I want you guys to know that I didn’t know what being transgender was until I was a freshman in high school and met my best friend (who is STILL MY BEST FRIEND TODAY) who identified as Non-binary gender fluid. I had never really met someone AFAB that lived to be anything other than female. With that came the knowledge that sometimes, men don’t necessarily have to have penises and I can wear whatever I’m comfortable with. I used to be religious in middle school (raised Christian) but I never found god. It never made sense to me how so many people can put their faith in other people’s ideas of what god is (the Bible) but not listen when their real CHILD comes to them and tells them that they feel uncomfortable in their gender identity. I also came out as bisexual in middle school, after meeting a girl I had a fancy for. To which my mother sobbed and cried and asked how she had failed as a parent. I remember loving pink, it was my favorite color. Pink, purple, blue. My top 3. Now it’s blue, pink, purple but basically the same. I had a pink room, loved hello kitty, let my mom curl my hair with little curlers at night so I could wake up and be somebody different the next day. My brother played with carebears and my Barbie dolls more than I did as a child. I remember a toy gun and handcuffs. I was fairly experimental as a child, I did: Girl Scouts, swimming, piano, soccer, ballet, cheerleading, and more honestly. I always got “boy” toys at McDonald’s (I mean cmon they’re cooler) I just was kinda everywhere. I feel like that’s easier for someone AFAB to be. My brother was harassed by my family for liking girly things but I was never shown that I couldn’t like stereotypical “boy things” by extended family. My mother however in the line at McDonalds I could never forget, turned and looked at me (baseball cap backwards tank top and shorts)and said “So, what?” “Are you batting for the other team” implying that because of the clothes I liked to wear I would be a lesbian. My mother (like I said, kinda controlling and extremely narcissistic) when I was allowed to cut my hair super short for the first time I was 16. Afterwards she has said things like: “but you’re so pretty how could you have cut your hair” “you looked so nice with long hair” I never felt akin to femininity. I was actually VERY uncomfortable with it. I hated being the “weaker” gender. I never wanted my nails painted. It was torture. I acted like makeup and and nail polish was torture, the hairbrush was my enemy. I used to just put my hair up in a low ponytail every day as I got older. I knew she’d never let me cut it all off. Basically, other than wanting to grow up strong and tough and not liking to be treated like a female, I was female. There were parts of being female I didn’t really have a problem with, and honestly that’s why I didn’t come out for so long. I wasn’t in a house or raised by people I knew would accept anything other than me being their “little girl” I was a daddies girl. So between my lack of understanding of where my feelings towards my gender roles were coming from, being encouraged by my family to be girly, not being exposed to gender diversity (or anything queer), and my controlling mother, I remained in the dark about who I was.

TRIGGER WARNING:::(abuse)::::: I was never close with my mother, and actually hated her growing up. To this day she is the most judge mental, self-centered woman I know. My father was funny, charismatic, and lost his shit sometimes. I like to say, 90% of the time he was amazing. We made jokes and could literally finish each other’s sentences. But honestly my father, 10% of the time was abusive. Most of my abuse in my life was covert (narcissistic abuse from my mother) and verbal/emotional/barely physical abuse from my father. He’s 6”3’ 350 lbs and very loud and scary, especially to a young child. He punched a hole in my wall, he threw a remote at a wall and shattered it to pieces, he threatened to kill my dog with a baseball bat in front of me. Which I swear to god he would have done if I wasn’t holding my dog, protecting him. These moments were few and far between, but they were riddled with insults and almost always left me with less than I started with. My father did spank my brother and I, and one time he clapped my brother so well that he left a purple hand mark on his butt. My mother told my father she’d take us away if that happened again. My father never left marks. He never had to, he was so big and would just get up in my face and scream at me. He made me feel helpless. Because he was invading my space I felt physically threatened, and he never actually had to touch me and leave bruises because that threat was already implied by invading my space. I was so young, but I always knew my family wasn’t right. Finally at 16, I stood up to my father for the first time. I didn’t care if he was bigger than me, I didn’t care if I would lose, I was willing to fight for me. Anyway, long story short the police were called because we were screaming at each other in front of his apartment building. I’m not going to say I didn’t fuck up as a teenager, but I never deserved the pressure and the abuse he was dishing out and had dished out my whole life. I knew that. I cut him out of my life just after turning 16, by then I had been questioning my identity. It became easier after leaving my father to fall into who I was. My father is FAIRLY religious and my mother claims to be but she never talks about god, she never prays, and now that my father and her are divorced I don’t think she’s been inside a church since. Losing my father was a lot, despite his abuse he and I were really close and had really similar personalities. The reality of abuse isn’t “well, now I see them as an abuser so now none of that good stuff is left it’s all tainted” I had to struggle with losing someone very important in my life at a young age, for myself.

Arguments against me being trans:

My family has been a bit divided in responding to me coming out. By now, it’s been about 4 years.

My mother and her side of the family are in denial. They don’t understand how I can’t be a “lesbian that just likes boy things”. They don’t use my name or pronouns.

My father, what little communication I have with him now, is bewildered. He and I had a discussion this past Christmas where I brought up what his abuse did to me mentally and he apologized but then tried to say “well what about your part in all of this” and said that I was hanging out with crazy depressed people, cutting myself, doing drugs, (I was smoking weed and I’ve tried acid like once piss off) and was sneaking out. Yeah. I did do all of that BUT GUESS WHAT. IM 20. I go where I wanna go. I fuck who I wanna fuck. I smoke what I want and guess what? It’s not any different from when I was 16 except now I don’t have parents up my ass telling me what to do. His argument basically was that I need to own up to what I did too and that fucking angered me. You don’t apologize and then go “well what about you” that’s not an apology. That’s deflection and honestly I don’t think I need to apologize because my parents were super controlling. I was just trying to do what I wanted and they didn’t like it. He and I have talked about me being trans and he pretty much thinks I’m certifiable. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

My brother: Ethan, my brother and I have always been close. He’s 17 now, and he had a different reaction to me being trans. Of all of my family he was the most receptive to my pleas of gender dysphoria and he suffers with anxiety so he gets stuff. But alas, after asking him if he’d call me by my name and pronouns (after 4 years of being out) he thinks that I am the one that has an issue with society. I told him I was starting T soon and he said: “Hrt won’t lessen all the things that come with being transgender. If you feel like doing hormones is the best for you then do it, but from a logical standpoint I think there just needs to be more thickening of skin” he claimes that if I try hard enough I could be fine living as female. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

None of my family supports me. None of my family understands. And none of them ever will. I have been out for four fucking years. I can’t tell you how frustrating family rejection can be. I have cried so much at the idea of not having a supportive family. I feel like I was ripped away from a beautiful life somewhere and thrust into this mess.

Honestly though, it doesn’t matter, the world keeps spinning and I keep finding people who love and accept me for who I truly am. I have made peace with my family’s lack of acceptance. It’s made me stronger and more compassionate towards others. Made me want to be better than them. I am actually going to start hormones soon, and on top of other fears I have, will be cutting my family out of my life. I can’t be 25 with a full beard and getting misgendered by my family. I can’t do it. They may feel like I’m going too far, that I don’t have to do this, but I do. I’m not doing this because I didn’t get too much attention as a kid or my mom favored my brother over me, I’m not doing this because it’s cool, I’m not doing this because I’m bored, I’m not doing this because I hate myself or anyone else. This is AFFIRMATION. Sometimes, cutting people who can’t see you for who your really are out of your life is affirming too.

Guys, girls, people, keep your head up. Things get better, I know. I thought life was never going to get better so I know that’s what it can feel like. But it does. Never ever let someone control your life or who you are. You’re beautiful/handsome/amazing! You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to love who you are. I am getting there, we all are.

Love,

Tanner M.