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#Sometimes it helps if I do it out of spite
strangersmunsons · 2 days
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read 'em and weep #5
you're acting weird. Eddie decides to do something about it.
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Chapter 5 Eddie x Bookworm!Reader Series Read Ch. 4 -> Here!
Contains: Eddie x Reader, fem!bookworm!reader, mix of fluff & angst, romantic gestures, idiots in love, communication breakthrough, shy babies working out some kinks. No mention of reader's appearance, no use of y/n. Warnings: Discussion of Eddie's past, mentions of poverty, drug use, allusion to violence. Mentions of food & eating. Word Count: 4.5k sometimes I think I make him too soft in this series, but I can't help myself. are you guys tired of lovesick!eddie yet???
Eddie wakes up late on Sunday — it’s well after noon when he rises from bed with a sticky yawn in his throat and sleep in his eyes. In his rumpled t-shirt and boxers, hair a tangled mess, he pads down the hallway and into the kitchen, where Wayne is dropping scoops of pancake batter into a sizzling pan on the stove.
“Mornin’, Ed.”
“G’morning,” Eddie grunts back. He plops into one of the seats at the tiny table, rubbing his eyes.
“Sleep okay?”
“Like a rock.”
Wayne nods approvingly. “Figured as much. I could hear ya from the living room.”
Eddie scrunches his face in annoyance. “You could not.”
His uncle smiles, mirth buried in his whiskers.
“Well, you deserve a good night’s sleep. You’re always out and about these days.”
Wayne flips the last pancake, lets it cook, then adds it to the stack he’s already piled up. He sets the plate of cakes and two cups of coffee onto the table, and takes a seat across from his nephew.
They begin to eat in silence. That’s not unusual, as Eddie has a tendency to inhale his food — the boy’s got a garbage disposal for a stomach — but he’s not scarfing it down the way he normally does. Instead, he pushes his breakfast around his plate in between taking small bites, looking moody.
Wayne pauses in between sips of coffee, #1 Uncle mug hovering halfway to his lips. 
“Everything okay?”
“Uh…I think so. Yeah.”
Wayne raises an eyebrow skeptically at him. “You sound like you’re not sure.”
Eddie shifts uncomfortably in his seat, frowning at his pancakes.
He doesn’t want to push, lest Eddie shut him down completely, but Wayne’s curious. Sue him.
“Somethin’ happen with your girl last night?”
Eddie blushes and sits back in his seat, voice pained. “Wayne —”
“We don’t have to get all touchy-feely. It’s just a question,” he tells him sternly. “And believe it or not, kiddo, I have known a woman or two in my lifetime. I can give you advice if you need it, y’know. I’m not a eunuch.”
Eddie wrinkles his nose. “Gross, man.”
Wayne laughs, a gruff chuckle that reverberates around the small kitchen. Eddie smiles in spite of himself.
“So what’s the problem?”
Eddie drums a nervous rhythm against the table with his fingers, naked without their bulky rings. “I don’t know, really. She was just kinda weird yesterday.” He pauses for a moment, searching for the right word. “Distant.”
Wayne listens intently, fist tucked under his chin. “Distant how?”
Eddie fills his cheeks with air, and lets it out in a long, slow exhale. “Well, she was fine in the morning, but last night she was really quiet. Especially when we were alone, which I don’t understand.” If you’d been nervous to spend time with his friends, then he’d get it, but you seemed fine at Benny’s. It was before and after, when you were by yourselves, which strikes him as odd.
He gestures helplessly with his hands, words flowing faster now, confusion leaking into every syllable. “She’s usually really excited when she sees me. All happy and stuff, y’know? And we always talk a lot, but she hardly said a word to me. And at first I thought she just had a tough day at work, but then —” Eddie stops abruptly, clamping his mouth shut. I didn’t get hardly any kisses, he finishes miserably in his head.
Rather than verbalize the thought for Wayne, he just throws his arms up, letting his flailing limbs speak for themselves.
Wayne gives him a solemn nod, determined to keep his expression neutral. If he reacts too strongly either way, then Eddie might not feel so inclined to discuss his love life with him again. Ever the sensible one, he asks, “Did she have a tough day at work?”
Eddie looks sheepish. “That’s what she said,” he admits reluctantly. 
“But you don’t believe her?”
Eddie’s bottom lip juts out petulantly. “It just didn’t feel like she wanted to be around me.” His face falls, and his voice becomes softer, the hurt more pronounced. “Like she couldn’t wait to get away.”
Wayne heaves a sigh, and thinks it over. “Personally, I think you’re readin’ too much into it,” he finally responds. “If she tells you she had a hard day, then she probably did.” He rubs his stubbly chin thoughtfully. “Although, you might be onto something there….”
Eddie’s face crinkles in despair, mouth falling open.
“Now, hang on,” Wayne adds hastily, seeing his kicked-puppy look. “I just mean to say, that you’ve been spendin’ an awful lot of time together, right? And you haven’t really known each other that long, but you’ve hardly gone a day this summer without seeing her. Maybe she’s runnin’ out of things to say to you,” he jokes.
Eddie clicks his tongue in distaste. “C’mon,” he complains.
“She might just need a little space, is all I’m sayin’.” The older man shrugs. “Doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you, or that she doesn’t wanna be around you. Just give her some breathing room. And then, in a few days, if you still feel like things are off, talk to her about it.”
Eddie squints at him. “Can I just do that?”
Wayne shakes his head in disbelief. “Boy, I swear,” he mumbles.
After breakfast, Eddie mulls over what his uncle told him. Now, he’s the first to admit that he doesn’t really know how to be a boyfriend, but goddamn it, he’s trying.
Is that his problem? Is he trying too hard?
Okay, fine, he’s a bit of a smother. But it’s difficult for him not to be; he’s spent far too long navigating life in this thankless town alone. Now that he’s finally found you, he can scarcely bring himself to let go, even for a second.
“Breathing room,” he mutters to himself. Fine. No biggie. He can deal with that.
For the next few days, Eddie resists the temptation to call you first, or visit you unannounced at work, which is a task that would be much easier to accomplish if you were giving him literally anything in return.
But you haven’t called. Not for an evening chat, which was customary on days he didn’t stop by the library. Not to check up on him, not to find out where he’s been, or why he hasn’t visited…it’s like nothing is out of the ordinary. 
Evidently, you’re not missing him at all.
The phone has only rung twice so far this week. Once it was Henderson, and the other one was a telemarketer that he promptly hung up on. His ego took a huge hit every time he came home and asked, “Any calls for me?” and had to see Wayne shake his head no.
Disappointed, and overwhelmed by a creeping sense of dread, Eddie concludes that your radio silence could mean one of two things: either you just don’t feel the need to be around him as much as he does you, or he did something to upset you. 
He can’t figure out which is worse. The internal debate plagues him morning and night as the days keep rolling by.
Up until now, you haven’t seemed to mind his clinginess. If anything you were nearly always overjoyed to see him — so much so that it startled him, and he often found himself looking back over his shoulder, to see if there was someone else standing behind him that you were smiling at instead. Has the novelty of Eddie Munson worn off so quickly? It didn’t seem like you, so kind and attentive towards him, but who was he to expect you to want to be with him twenty-four/seven?
Unless it was something else entirely, something he had done that didn’t sit right with you, that was causing this. He tries to think of what he could possibly said or did that may have offended you, but he keeps coming up empty. 
And then, in the midst of his warring thoughts, inspiration strikes.
“Uhhh…hey, Wayne?” 
Wayne calls back from his spot on the couch, where he’s immersed in the latest episode of The Joy of Painting. “Yeah?”
Eddie shuffles into the living room, lips pursed. He tries to keep his voice as nonchalant as possible. “Would it be…ill-advised…to show up unannounced at her house with a grand romantic gesture?”
Wayne stares at him. “You know I said space, right?”
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Eddie starts packing up a brown paper grocery bag with everything he thinks he’ll need, while Wayne hovers in the kitchen, watching him with his arms crossed. He’s simultaneously disapproving and amused.
“So you’re just gonna ignore my advice, huh?”
“Wayne,” Eddie sighs, “I appreciate your sage words of wisdom, I really do. But unfortunately, I am not a patient man. I need resolution now, or else I’ll die.” He pulls out another snack from a cupboard and stows it away in the bag, alongside the sandwiches he made and some other morsels scrounged up from the kitchen. He’ll get your favorite drink, too, when he stops for flowers at the gas station —
“You? Impatient? Naw.”
“Ha, ha,” Eddie replies sarcastically.
Wayne shakes his head. “I sure hope this works out for you.”
Eddie hesitates. “I mean….” Suddenly insecure, he looks over at Wayne, anguished expression on his face. “Is it a completely horrible idea?”
Wayne softens immediately, and silently curses himself for discouraging him. “No. No, I don’t mean that. I’m actually…well, I’m mighty proud to see you treatin’ a lady so well.” Eddie turns scarlet, grimacing at the praise, and Wayne continues. “I’m just worried you might overwhelm her, with…how well you’re treatin’ her.”
Eddie rakes a hand through his hair. “I just…don’t like the way things feel right now. And I don’t wanna make the mistake of ignoring it, hoping it’ll go away, and have things get worse.”
There’s a pang in Wayne’s heart. He really is a good kid, isn’t he? “Aw, hell, Ed. If this feels like it’s the right thing for you to do, then I say do it.”
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When Eddie finally arrives at your house, the nerves have really kicked in. He understands that this is kind of a gamble, but subtlety has never been his forte. Slinging his acoustic guitar over his back, clutching the grocery bag in one fist and a small bouquet of dyed carnations in the other, he manages to rap lightly on the front door without dropping anything.
Eddie holds his breath as the seconds tick by, heart thumping in his chest.
Finally, the door swings open slowly, revealing your figure and Eddie immediately feels warm, in spite of the cool air that seeps out from the house. You look startled to see him, even more so when your eyes drop down to the flowers in his hand, mouth popping open in surprise.
“Hi,” he greets you nervously. “Uh, I hope it’s okay that I’m here, I-I know I didn’t call you or anything first. But, um, it’s a nice day out, so I thought we could have a picnic?” It comes out like a question. He jostles the grocery bag, and you can hear the contents shift around inside. “If you’re not busy or anything. And these, um, are for you.” He thrusts the flowers forward, palm sweating against their plastic wrapping.
You stand there in silence, not saying or taking anything, just gaping at him. Eddie’s stomach drops. And he’s totally unprepared for what happens next.
Your face crumples, and you burst into tears.
“Oh, Jesus.” Eddie sets everything down onto the ground and lurches forward, arms outstretched to touch you, but he hesitates before making contact, his hands fluttering around your figure uncertainly. “I — sweetheart — what?” he stutters, entirely out of his element. 
“Sorry!” you sob, clapping your hands over your mouth. “I’m sorry!”
“Don’t apologize,” he says automatically, completely bewildered. His hands finally come down to rest on your shoulders, and he leans closer to you, like maybe proximity will cure whatever this is. “Is something wrong?” He winces, and shakes his head. “Sorry, that’s stupid — what’s wrong?”
You sniffle in response, fat tears dripping from the corners of your eyes.
Watching you tremble with emotion breaks his heart, and it’s stronger than his panic at being unexpectedly confronted by a crying woman. “Oh, baby,” he says tenderly, wrapping his arms around you fully and pulling you in close. “Whatever it is, it’s okay.”
“Sorry,” you repeat in a watery voice, slightly muffled by you pressing your face into his shirt. “You’re just…you’re so sweet, Eddie. That’s all.”
“You don’t have to say sorry for crying,” he says, chuckling breathlessly. “Although I was kind of aiming for a smile with all this, not tears.” He pats your back gently, and moves his lips to your ear. “It’s been a while. I was missing you.”
You shudder. “I missed you, too.” You let out a choked laugh, and pull back a little, dabbing at your eyes. You audibly try and swallow the lump in your throat. “This isn’t how I usually greet company, I promise.”
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In the small, sunny backyard, Eddie lays out a faded gingham tablecloth onto the grass. It’s tattered at the edges and bears quite a number of stubborn stains, maybe not great for their tiny kitchen anymore, but perfect for an outdoor blanket. While he sets up his little surprise date, doling out food and plates and napkins, he steals glances at you, visible through the kitchen window, where you’re arranging your new flowers in a vase. When you come back outside to join him, he doesn’t miss the way you swipe at your eye one last time, trying to rid yourself of the final remnants of your outburst.
He offers you a soft smile, and pats the spot on the ground next to him.
You sink onto the blanket with a sigh, looking tired but pleased to see him nonetheless. And there’s a trace of something else in your eyes, some unknown emotion that he can’t quite put his finger on. You reach gingerly for the sandwich he packed for you — your favorite, you note right away — but Eddie simply watches, wondering if he has to ask or if he should wait for you to explain.
“So, how’re things?” you ask innocently, and take a small bite.
Eddie raises his eyebrows, but he keeps his tone light. “Well, I’m a little concerned, naturally. We gonna talk about what just happened back there?” 
You chew slowly, stalling. He waits patiently.
“I wasn’t expecting all this,” you finally say, gesturing around at the spread before you. “It’s…it’s really, really nice of you,” your voice breaks again on the last word, but if you’re threatened by another wave of tears, you don’t succumb.
Eddie shrugs modestly, but remains curious. “It’s no big thing. Just wanted to surprise you,” he says, and hesitates before continuing. “I, uh, haven’t heard from you in a while, so I wasn’t sure if…maybe you were upset with me, or something, I dunno. Like, if I did something wrong.”
Abruptly, you fix your gaze on your lap, but not before Eddie sees them widen in alarm.
He peers closer at you. “Were you upset with me?”
Your blanche. “God, I’m such an asshole,” you mumble, throat tightening again.
Eddie’s thoroughly confused now, and he chuckles uncertainly. “Sorry, sweetheart, but I’m a little lost here. Why are you calling yourself an asshole?” The idea is absurd; it’s hard for him to even fathom.
You wring your hands nervously, unable to make yourself look at him. “Eddie, I — I’m sorry. That I haven’t been reaching out to you lately.” You struggle with what to say, feeling ashamed, but you force yourself to continue. “But…Marissa — from work, y’know? — she…she told me some stuff about you.”
Eddie’s insides turn to ice.
“Stupid, gossipy stuff,” the words come out in a rush now, like you’re desperate to get the truth out and over with, “most of which I didn’t even really believe, anyway, but I guess I couldn’t help feeling…anxious, after it happened? And I didn’t know how to talk to you about it, so I just…didn’t. I’m so sorry.” You take a deep breath and shake your head, frustrated at your own actions. “And then you come here today with an entire picnic, and flowers, and your guitar, and I feel like the biggest jerk on the planet. I can’t believe myself.”
Eddie falls silent for a moment, his dark eyes big and sad. It’s not what he was expecting, though he supposes he should have been anticipating something like this happening eventually. Gossip about him had improved — or affected him less, at least — when he finished school, but there were still whispers about him amongst the townies, he knew.
“What did she tell you?” he asks dully. “That I’m the spawn of Satan?”
A knot twists in your stomach. “Something like that. Of course I know that’s bullshit.”
Eddie bites the inside of his cheek. “Oh, yeah? What did she tell you that was so impressive, then?” When you flinch at his words, he cringes inwardly at his own snarkiness, and reminds himself who he’s talking to.
You scratch at a dark spot on the blanket, fidgeting under his stare. “She — she said that you were involved with someone named Chrissy, and the way she mentioned it really freaked me out.”
Upon hearing her name, Eddie’s eyes bulge with panic. Oh shit, oh shit. Low blow from Marissa. Because unlike the far-fetched devil worship accusations, there’s some substance to that rumor, no matter how convoluted the truth became. He starts to mentally scramble for a way to explain, but you continue on before he can speak.
“I guess I just couldn’t stand the thought of you having another girlfriend,” you admit guiltily. “I didn’t wanna find out, because I didn’t think I could take it, if I knew you were seeing someone else.”
That catches him off guard. “Oh, you —” Eddie fumbles with his words, “you thought that I was…dating her?”
You frown. “Well, yeah. When someone tells you ‘ask him about so-and-so’ in that kind of tone, that’s generally what comes to mind.”
Eddie blinks, then groans, and flings himself back on the blanket. He drapes one arm over his eyes, hiding the world from view. He heaves a great sigh. “Nothing like that ever happened between Chrissy and I,” he says quietly. “Never dated, never hooked up. Never even so much as kissed.”
“Oh.” You process this, wondering at her significance. “Who is she, then?”
“Just a girl in town,” he mutters. “We went to high school together.” He sighs resignedly again, and pulls his arm up, just enough so he can peek at you. “Listen, Wayne and I, we don’t have a whole lot to our names. In case that wasn’t obvious.” He snorts humorlessly. “I…used to deal, for a bit of extra cash. Help out with the rent and stuff. Did Marissa tell you that, too?”
“She did,” you affirm. “But Eddie, I don’t care about that either, I swear.”
He moves on without acknowledging your remark. “Chrissy was a cheerleader. Queen of Hawkins High, basically. And she was looking to buy one day, so we met up after school. I was just gonna sell her some pot, but she asked me if I had anything, ah, stronger.” He wets his lips with his tongue. “I didn’t usually sell harder shit to other students, but I had some Special K laying around, for my own…personal use.” He doesn’t dare look up again to see your reaction to this tidbit. “And I sold it to her…and then she disappeared.”
You stare at him. “She…disappeared?”
Eddie sits back up and nods, face hardening. “For a few days, anyway. Ran away. Her family’s got a good name, and a lot of money, but that doesn’t always make for a good home life, y’know? I don’t know what was going on with her, exactly, but she wasn’t okay. And when she skipped town, everyone pointed their fingers at me.”
He doesn’t need to elaborate; the implication is clear. Still, you ask, “What, they thought that you…did something to her?”
“Yeah,” he deadpans, staring off into the distance. “All but brought out the pitchforks and torches.”
Indignance on his behalf hits you like a truck. “Teenagers run away all the time!”
Eddie rubs his face in distress. “Yeah, they do, but when Hawkins’ golden girl is last seen entering the town freak’s trailer to buy ketamine, people tend to jump to conclusions.”
A wave of sadness washes over you, as you try to picture it in your head: they truly believed that sweet, doting Eddie was capable of hurting a young girl like that? 
Eddie, who played fantasy games with kids six years his junior simply because they asked him to, and fed the strays in the trailer park, and spent many a Sunday making banana bread with his uncle? Who he chose to live with instead of moving out, because he loved him and wanted to be close in case he needed him? Was it even possible, for people to be so blind?
The very thought of it makes you sick. “That’s horrible….”
“S’okay,” he mumbles. “She came back home eventually. A little worse for wear, I heard, but she was fine. Told everyone that I had nothing to do with her leaving, or whatever happened while she was gone. But,” he shrugs, “people will believe what they wanna believe. The Munson reputation precedes me.”
You reach for his warm hand, and clasp it in yours, savoring the feel of his calloused palm against your own.
He casts you a desperate glance. “I swear I never did anything to her,” he whispers. 
Your chest aches for him, and you squeeze his hand. “Of course you didn’t.”
His breathing hitches. “I guess it’s obvious,” he says, voice trembling slightly, “that there’s a lot of stuff I haven’t, um, told you about yet. And to be honest, I don’t think I’m ready to tell you all of it right now, either. But I will, someday.”
There it is. The notion that Eddie wants to be in your life long-term, and that he wants you to be in his, finally spoken.
“You don’t have to tell me anything you’re not ready to,” you reassure him quietly. “It won’t change how I feel about you, anyway. I think you’re really wonderful. I-I like you so much, Eddie.”
A silence falls over the two of you. Eddie watches the bumblebees fly lazily over the white clover dotting the lawn. You try to think of something else to say, something you can tell him that’ll make the pain go away, erase the hurt that this town has caused him. You suspect that this incident with Chrissy is just the tip of the iceberg that is Eddie’s trauma — for how long was he treated like this by those around him, and how harshly?
Before you can come up with the right words to soothe him, Eddie speaks again, his voice a little stronger. “So you, uh…heard that I was a drug-dealing cult leader, but got upset because you thought I was seeing someone else?”
At last, some brevity. You make eye contact across the blanket, and you’re relieved to see the corners of his lips have turned up into a tiny smile.
Heat blooms in your cheeks as you nod. “I did, yeah.”
He attempts husky laugh, though he still looks weary. “Damn. You got it bad, huh?”
You shrug. “What can I say? You’re a catch, Munson. I don’t think I feel like sharing.”
He hums softly, and he relaxes a little, body sagging as he finally releases some of the tension he’s been holding onto all this time. “Sorry for snapping at you,” he offers needlessly, biting at his thumbnail.
You dismiss it immediately. “Don’t apologize —”
“Nah, I get it. Hell, I wouldn’t blame you if the cult rumors or the dealing really did bother you, even. I mean, that’s some pretty jarring intel to hear from your boss about the guy you’re dating. They’re not really things people tend to look for in a partner.”
You shake your head. “I should’ve talked to you about it as soon as it happened. But it just felt so…crass to come right out and start interrogating you.” You scoot closer to him on the blanket. “You have to believe me, Eddie, I don’t care about what anyone else has to say. I feel like I know you,” you pause, and reach out with your free hand to cup his cheek, “even if I’m a little fuzzy on the details right now.”
He sucks in a quick breath, closing his eyes, and rests his face against your palm. “I have to warn you,” he says, “that if we’re together, and people know about it, then this might not be the last time someone tries to talk to you about me. And I’m asking you to — to trust that I’m not what they say I am.”
“I do,” you promise. “I trust you.”
You lean in and press a soft, quick kiss to his lips. He rests his forehead against yours, and chuckles weakly. Although the reassurance was needed, he’s feeling all too vulnerable for his liking, so he changes the subject. “You know, while we’re hashing things out here, can I ask you an unrelated question?”
You smile indulgently. “Shoot.”
“So, I guess we know now that this wasn’t really why, but Wayne told me that the reason you weren’t talking to me is because I’m up your ass all the time, and that I need to give you more space. That’s why I didn’t come sooner. I know I kind of smother you, and I was worried that maybe, maybe you needed a break from me, or something?”
Rubbing your thumb against his cheekbone, you whisper, “Oh, gosh no. You’re like…my favorite person, Eddie.” You nod shyly, as though affirming it to yourself for the first time. “Yeah. You’re the person I want to be around the most, um, at any given moment.”
Eddie blushes, and something inside of him shifts at those words, making him feel impossibly soft. “Me too,” he returns.
Your turn. “And I have a question for you, too.”
“Shoot,” he echoes.
“Were you gonna play me something on that?” You gesture to his guitar, forgotten on the grass behind him. 
Eddie lets out another laugh, the most carefree one he’s uttered today. “I was. Sorry, I forgot.”
“It’s hard for me to imagine you playing acoustic music. I’m intrigued.”
Eddie grasps the neck of the guitar with one hand, and drags the instrument into his lap, situating himself into a playing position. “You’d be shocked, sweetheart. I can make just about anything sound metal.”
Your eyes sparkle wickedly. “Are you gonna play me some Joni Mitchell?”
Eddie purses his lips. “No, I was thinking KISS. It, uh, translates pretty well, actually.”
You cross your legs on the blanket, rest your elbow on your knee and tuck your hand under your chin — giving him your full attention.
“I’ll be the judge of that. Let’s hear it!”
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thank you for reading!! <3
taglist: @eddiesgirlforever @eds6ngel @sheisahauntedhouse @lokis-tardis-companion19 @teary-eyed-egg @whenshelanded @nanaminswhore @witchwolflea @destinationwanderlust @kores-mun-son-n-more @clairesjointshurt @fishwithtitz @wickedscorpio22 @sheneedsrocknroll92 @lexr86 @cultish-corner
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just-observing-here · 9 months
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I try to autism my way into self care and stuff but I can't because all my favorite characters are robots who would be disgusted with organic practices in hygiene. I would be like, "I need to brush my teeth..." And my brain would be like, "Metal Sonic from the game franchise Sonic the Hedgehog wouldn't like that." And I suffer.
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people talking about edgeworth helping phoenix during his seven year stint and supporting him through his depression as if we all don't know that the only person from that family who'd be able to get phoenix to do shit is franziska. smh.
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jimmymcchill · 2 years
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okay but you don't get it. i love jimmy too much to let him go — which means: watch him turn into saul completely. and the nuns in cicero would send me to hell for saying it, but i'd rather see jimmy dead than see him wear a mask all the time, becoming that mask, zeroing himself. he fought so hard to be himself, to play by his rules, be his own man, and what for? just to become a shadow of himself? just to be alone in a big shitty house that becomes a mausoleum of the love of his life and their time together?
i can't, for real. he means too much to me.
and you may say 'but jimmy's still in there somewhere'. yeah. that's the real fucking tragedy: he's in there, but he has no agency, no love, no support nor appreciation anymore. he's in there, but he's trapped.
i guess chuck may win in the end.
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caffeinatedopossum · 1 year
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Idk why I still hate myself
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erraticroses · 10 months
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.
#i believe#I have a lot of hate in my heart and that makes me feel wrong#because i want to have like this big heart but in the end sometimes i feel like a performer#like im sacrificing more and more of myself for the sake of other ppl mostly out of habit than real genuine kindness.#ppl ask me why do i believe im a bad person and when i name my reason they say what else bc for them it's not bad. it's human to feel#but sometimes i don't feel human i think? it's such a weird thing. I'm not religious but i want to feel holy.#i don't believe in heaven even. i just want to make everyone around me smile and help heal the ppl that need that help but sometimes i just#feel so angry. so blinded by rage. and so scared. but so spiteful.#and i feel so alone? sometimes. i know I'm not. i know ppl card about me#but then i ask why why why why#but I can't voice the full question because maybe someone will read and it will strain their recovery and healing#and at the end kinda makes me feel more resentful? like. im trying to be perfect and kind and to portray this image of a person#that even tho aloof wants to help for the sake of helping and doesn't deal with all the shit and complex feelings of doing so.#but then the ugly feelings build up and i don't feel like i can voice them because what if they read and i make things worse#and i feel so trapped. and so angry. and so monstrous.#i care if im a good person i care if im kind i care if im friendly#i don't feel like any of that. fuck. fuuuuuck.#i feel like a paradox more than a person
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musashi · 8 months
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if i still hung around the whump community i'd make long, beautiful, prose-filled prompts every single day and use she/her pronouns all the way through just to piss the misogynists off
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icharchivist · 2 years
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a bit of thinking out loud on my part but i’ve been thinking for a while know about constantly slamming stuff for “bad writing”, more in the sense of “no one talks like that” or “this sentence was so badly worded” more than “it didn’t make sense in the end” as if it’s a deal breaker makes me think that we really moved too far away from suspension of disbelief and not wanting to just, fill in the steps kind of?
Like, i’m thinking about how ff7cc has some of the cringiest dialogues i could think of and some characterizations suffer a lot from that. When i don’t play the game for a long time, i’m always coming back to it and laugh at how they overuse “protect your honor”, or everything about Loveless, and stuff like that.  but when i want to seriously play the game too, i want to give the game a benefit of a doubt. Of, okay, i find it ridiculous but you’re taking it seriously, so i’m going to try to take it as seriously as possible. What are you doing to do with that. And thanks to that i think i can properly experience some of the more visceral elements of the game, despite how much of its emotional core resting on this specific idea that i find cringe. 
And it’s just like, idk, i think constantly wanting something to be really well written and getting rid of the cringe completely is kind of trapping yourself into an echo chamber where you’ll only get to hear the same old things. Eventually to experience new things it’s good to go into horizons that you’d consider cringe and try to see if there’s something you can get out of it, if you take it as seriously as ever. And sometimes cringe is unfiltered sincerity, which has its place especially in emotional story telling.
I kinda feel like there’s an overuse of “wanting realism” in stories (again “real people don’t talk like that”), that it’s easy to just close yourself from anything slightly challenging what you’re willing to accept as realistic.  in a way i’m just refusing to think “realism” is the same thing as “immersive” and if something is unrealistic to me, i don’t think it specifically breaks immersion and i care much more about immersion than realism. But even so, Immersion often comes with just, accepting what the story wants you to accept as normal. you have to do some work as the person receiving the story for it to work.
Feels stilted and boring and it’s kinda sad how often i see it brought up that “bad writing” in term of, clumsy sentence structure and stuff, can take someone out of something this badly. 
I guess it’s just to each their sensibilities but, how dull....
#i've been seeing it a lot over different fandom i've been into#and often it's like 'i couldn't get into it because people don't talk like that' and stuff or 'they talk about their feelings too much'#and it's just. boring.#I think that there's an aspect of interreacting with fictions that isn't just about making stuff up to fill gap out of spite#but also just - as an audience - to be willing to say okay it's not working for me but let's see where you're bringing me with it#idk if it makes sense but this is like the 4th take i'm seeing on something like that this week#not even always on things i actually /like/ but generally it takes me out as in '/this/ was your deal breaker with this thing?'#like 'how could people be fan of that when the writing was this bad'#and like my dude the cringe writing is not the biggest problem here what#feels... snobbish but for the wrong reasons lmao#but oh well i also do tend to like things a little cringier than the norm anyway#and besides i never consume stuff in my native language so everything is a bit filtered in that sense#i do remember watching a game playthrough in english and everyone was talking about how 'no one talks like that it's so cringe'#and i was just yeah no whatever it's a bit ridiculous but it's nothing immersion breaking to me even if it's not realistic#but then i watched the same game in french and it was translated flawlessly#and i was just 'oh okay no this is cringe as hell help'#i still had a lot of fun though but i did have to pause sometimes because they really made me listen to the wildest string of words#but yeah idk where i'm going with it but yeah#(taking ff7cc as an example bc it's probably the least risky thing for me to dunk on)#(and besides the Old Ones here know that i used to have 'living legacy' in my @ in here)#(so me making fun of 'protect your honor' while it's full punch is in the same speech as the living legacy thing...)#(ya know how I Feel.)#ichasalty#kinda?#ichatalks
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piplupod · 1 year
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today is absolute garbage but i am going to try to do some painting on my project nonetheless, doing my best to attempt to claw my way out of the suicidality goop
#funny how ppl are like ''stay alive for xyz things!'' and that doesnt work for me#like sorry but that is not making up for all the dogshit I've got going on dbdjdl it doesnt come anywhere close to balancing out the scales#if i am staying alive it is entirely my choice made out of stubbornness and occasionally spite#only reason i havent offed myself yet is bc i dont want to hurt people (even that doesnt convince me sometimes) and-#-i can always do it tomorrow. like why not just stick around until things get truly too fucked up to keep going#I'll make art while im around and hopefully leave behind some kind of positive mark on the world fjfkdl#also fucking... jack stauber's ''dinner is not over''#like yeah dinner isnt over yet. and it wont be until i cant stand another bite. and then i can have dessert. gotta wait til dinner is done!#like do i see there being any way for me to exist in the world? no djdksl not at all#i cant work and disability is not livable and theres no disability housing available rn so fbfjdl its not realistic#but im going to stick around until i get to the point where it isnt feasible to be around anymore dhfksl#and if the situation changes for the better then great I'll keep trucking along#but i genuinely dont think im making it to like... 30. 25 is iffy. 23 is fuzzy. its just not realistic with how society is set up currently#but! doesnt matter! just working with what i have in the present and I'll just keep trucking until i cant anymore dbfjdl#suicide tw#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#sorry this is wildly mentally ill but i am just kind of ... hoping maybe it'll help someone else#all i see for suicide prevention is ''you have so much to live for!'' and that doesnt rly help ppl in my situation#i KNOW I've got a lot to live for but it's simply not realistic nor does it make up for the fact that life is utter dogshit dhdjdl#so i just try to approach it from an angle of almost like... not caring#like I'll keep doing what i can until things get too hard and then I'll take my leave 🤷 sticking around until then!
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samwisefamgee · 1 year
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Every day I grow closer to throwing my phone into the river and when I do I won’t fucking regret it
#i have been. dodging scams all morning#i don’t have any fucking money please just leave me alone#my friendships have been rotten to the fucking core#my mind poisoned#what the fuck is the point in having a smartphone when a fliphone still lets people contact me but doesn’t fucking make my life worse#not that I could afford a flip phone anyway. or service. why would someone want to scam me specifically when I posted my account overdrafted#you can SEE I don’t have money why do you BOTHER#SCAM SOMEONE RICH YOU FUCKIN MORON#alas that the desperate make for such easy targets for the heartless#it’s been so hard to keep going and every day for two months something has happened to convince me it isnt fuckin worth it like its ONLY bad#but god or fate keeps dangling juuuust enough hope in front of me that I keep going. it’s been like that for eight years#and I’ve fallen apart in that time completely. my hair is gone and my teeth will be gone soon too#my bones and joints will follow suit they’re already deformed and weak#the ringing in my ears only gets louder. i haven’t known the familiar peace of silence in years and it’ll only ever get further#and I’ll never afford the medical or psychological care to actually help those things#why bother??? I’ll keep bothering out of spite and stupid foolish hope but I still don’t fucking know why I bother when it never gets better#and it might not! hope is called hope for a reason sometimes shit just doesn’t work out#i could suffer on for abother year or five just to have it all fall apart even more. no payout#hell does exist on earth for some people. if I die and there wasn’t ever joy enough to outweigh everything then my hell was real all along#and I will have been fuckall stupid enough to suffer it for years instead of dying in high school like I planned. or college. or after.#so many times life pushed me to the edge and I crawled back just for things to get worse. every time#and still I hold onto my hope like it’s all that ever mattered. and if life turns out that way maybe it’ll be all that ever did#false ​hopes and a terribly misplaced heart#fate willing we all find peace
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goredinner · 4 days
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Seems like I'm always fighting some kind of battle that I can't honestly tell anyone about
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apocalyptic-dancehall · 10 months
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kinda sucks when you feel like shit and wanna talk excitedly but you also feel desperate and in turn it just makes you think that nobody wants anything to do with you so you just sound off in the hopes that someone might listen
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qqueenofhades · 2 months
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https://www.tumblr.com/qqueenofhades/743255237060689920/the-thing-that-confuses-me-about-the-dont-vote
The “don’t vote” left’s point is basically that, if Biden gets a second term, it’ll basically signal that “They’ll vote for us as long as we’re not Republicans, why don’t we do some REAL fucked up shit, if we can get away with it?” It takes the power out of the people’s hands and places it firmly in the party’s.
I can’t completely disagree with that, my caveat is that there’s no real alternative system or party in place, because top-down change is ineffective; a third party president has to contend with a two party congress.
Except no. This whole "Biden just wants to do as much fucked up shit as possible while not being a Republican, and if you give him a second term he'll do more fucked up shit deliberately to spite you" mindset is only possible as an interpretation if you a) deliberately and comprehensively ignore everything he has done to date, and b) you approach the situation with the maximum bad faith possible. Not to mention, the ultimate outcome of this Big Important Teaching Biden A Lesson is that Trump gets back into power and makes everything orders of magnitude worse, because he does in fact want to deliberately do evil shit to everyone and says so at every opportunity. There is not some magical happy alternative that springs into existence by not voting. If you choose this as a year to Teach Biden A Lesson, you are enabling Trump. Trump will be much, much worse. If you don't care about that, I still do not care what your Great Ideology is. You are not helping anyone and you are directly and irreversibly hurting everyone.
I made a post a few days ago wherein I mentioned that I want to assess Biden fairly, taking into account both strengths and weaknesses, but the rampant bad-faith, lying, misreading, misrepresentation, and open sabotage of him (especially by the online left; the GOP sometimes only wishes they were as good at turning Biden's voter pool against him) makes it really difficult to do that. My frustration with those people makes me just want to go "BIDEN IS GREAT THE END." I know he is a flawed old man (though by literally every account of a career spent in public service, he really does care about making the world a better place and any remotely good faith reading of his accomplishments thus far can see that). It is also very likely that he goes MORE left in a second term because he won't have to face the electorate again, he has always gone more left when pushed before, and he's not actually the scheming genocidal mastermind that leftist social media paints him as. Shocking, I know.
I know there are things in the world we don't like and don't want and want to stop, and therefore we blame our own president for not making it stop. But I have zero, no, none, absolutely none whatsoever sympathy for this pseudo-populist "WE NEED TO TEACH BIDEN A LESSON BY ELECTING TRUMP AGAIN, I AM VERY MORAL MUCH ACTIVIST" mindset. There's this funny thing about America wherein it is still (for now) a democracy. If Biden wins a second term, he can't run again. I would take literally anything these people said more seriously if they focused on developing their dream progressive successor for 2028 (and also figured out how to get that person elected and in a place to make real change) rather than cynically sabotaging Biden in the most consequential election year, again, of our lifetimes. If you don't like him now, find a way to make his successor a better option. Throwing a toddler tantrum and handing the country back to a senile, deranged, fascist, revenge-riddled, theocratic Trump HELPS. NOBODY. I still don't know how many times I'm going to have to say that, but yeah.
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chrollohearttags · 6 months
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FIRE HYDRANT • portgas d. ace
ace loves his little squirter, perhaps a bit too much.
content + themes: firefighter!ace, firefighter!reader, choking, hate fucking, heavy squirting, he’s such a mean dom in this, mentions of oral sex, daddy is used, finger sucking, slapping, pet names are used (my love, babygirl, sweetheart), calls reader slut, missionary/mating press
📝: just a lil something to help me get my steam back. If it’s bad, you never saw it.
───✱*.。:。✱*.:。✧*.。✰───────✱*.。:。✱*.:。✧*.。✰────
“Okay, okayyyy…take some outtt..fuck!”
“Don’t be stupid, now move your hand before I do it for you.”
he was relentless and had been for the past couple hours or so..it seemed like he had no intention of doing so anytime soon either. Perhaps this time around..your big ass mouth had bit off far more than you could ever chew. Hence why at the moment..he was fish hooking his fingers in the sides of your jaws. Prompting you to suck on them as a means to shut you up. Feeding you a light tap to the cheek to ensure so as well.
“Rookie..how many times do I have to say it, huh? You don’t run a damn thing. It’s been what..four? Five? Hell, I’ve lost count how many times you’ve come on this dick. It’s like you can’t get enough of me, my love. I already knew that much though.”
the words tearing through you like a serrated dagger, slowly but surely cutting you up. A reminder of your weak resolve. You hated it, you hated it so fucking much that the one man you despised got you wetter than any boyfriend or partner you’d ever encountered. That this bastard knew your body far better than you did sometimes. He could do things that you’d never even imagined..taking you to heights unknown and yet, all you could do was stare at him in disgust as his cock plunged within your center repeatedly. Slamming balls deep as they smacked against your puckering asshole; drenched in your sticky mixture from drumming it out of you. It was just as he said, you had come for him for about the seventh time now. Running on fumes and pure spite to keep going. Maybe you wanted to prove him wrong that you could take whatever he threw your way, including the dick.
“Haaaah!—shit! Not right there..I’m gonna—“
“I know, babygirl. I know you are so why fight it? Squirt on daddy’s dick. Feels much better than arguing with me, doesn’t it?”
or..you loved the way he fucked you and your pride wouldn’t allow you to admit it! It would explain the large puddle formed underneath the towels on his couch and the splashes surrounding his foot; the other planted next to you so that he could truly get in it the way he wanted. And here you were..in the last position you wanted to be! Folded like a goddamn pretzel with your toes wiggling behind your head and this asshole hovering over you with that same stupid grin on his face, those deep set eyes and his necklace dangling in front of your nose. He was enjoying this. Enjoying turning his stubborn little rookie into his personal fire hydrant. The tight, juicy grip of that cunt embracing him like a warm hug..tinting his tan hued shaft with a sheet of white essence before exploding into the sweet, delicious rain as he made you squirt yet again. He’d never had pussy like it and it was for that reason alone, he put up with your bad attitude or rather, calmed it down.
“Nnggghhh!..I can’t..” your words were barely even making it above a decibel. A lot more quiet than the shouting you did at him when you first arrived. Pissed off about your inspection results earlier in the day. Granted, that was before he hissed at you to sit down, shut the fuck up and be a good slut for him..before he snatched your sundress down to reveal those plump tits and sucked on those gorgeous brown nipples that go so erect for him as he fingered you. And well before pinned your legs back and damn near sucked the flavor from your pussy! Using those nimble fingers to get you to climax..it was then that he discovered your little secret:
“Ahhh..so you’re a squirter, rookie? Well that’s good to know.”
and hadn’t stopped exploring it since. So for the duration of your stay, he’d been stretching that pussy out and using you to his heart's desire. Pulling on your hair, smacking on that fat ass as he gave you vicious backshots. Even tossing the pillow out of your way so you had zero comfort. His punishment for waking him up. Using your mouth as his personal cock sleeve, making you eat him up until you made a mess, calling him daddy after rewarding you with a warm nut to the back of your throat and after that, the fun really began. He’d kept you like this..drawing out orgasm after orgasm; streams of clear juices reaching as far up to his chest. Pulling out, tapping that mushroom tip against your slit to coax out another right after. He was having too much fun!
“You talk a lot of shit for someone who can’t even keep her eyes open. Too bad for you..”
suddenly, you’d feel the hard clutch of his digits around your throat which prompted you to gasp for air whilst clawing at his forearm. Zeroing in on your face, he’d hiss through gritted teeth and smile before slamming your head back down: “we’re not done, so wake that ass up. ‘M gonna beat that little pussy of yours so sore, you’ll be lucky if you can crawl out of here when I’m done. Gonna fuck you until you’re empty, baby..”
and something told you, that wouldn’t be anytime soon!
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hxney-lemcn · 8 days
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I Love You~ — NRC Students x gn! reader
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summary: How Twisted Wonderland boys react to you saying "I love you."
tw: stalking (Rook), slight angst for some, mainly fluff.
a/n: this is the most I've written for for so many characters. I hope I did them well, I even wrote for characters I'm not confident in. Also, I swear they don't all just say I love you too back, Heartslabyul boys are just too sweet not not (for the most part).
wc: 4.5k (~200 each character)
Master List
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Your feelings had been building up over time. It got to the point that it felt like all your feelings were bubbling over. It was only sooner or later that the depth of your love was going to spill. You only hoped that it wouldn’t scare him away.
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Riddle Rosehearts
It wasn’t the first time you said those damn words that sent his heart into cardiac arrest. ‘Love you,’ You would chime playfully as he seemed near to scolding you for something or another. He hated to admit how effective those words were on him, it didn’t help how you said it so casually. Yet this time was different, your tone being nothing but soft, your eyes nothing but warm…he wasn’t prepared for this. Avoiding your loving gaze, Riddle could feel his brain melt, his tongue felt like lead, and his heart was beating erratically. When your gaze turned worried, shying away the longer he stayed silent, he somehow gathered the courage to respond.
“I-I love you too.”
Trey Clover
It was no secret how much you both cared for each other. You both seemed like a married couple to the other students. You never really needed to say anything out loud because your love was shown through actions, the way you both smiled at each other, and how the other was always on the mind. Yet hearing you say those words out loud shocked him. What shocked him even more was how much he longed to hear you say it again, and again, and again. It didn’t take long for him to regain his composure, smile brightening as he didn’t even hesitate to respond.
“I love you too~”
Cater Diamond
He always hid behind a smile and a flash of his camera. People would say his care for you only ran skin deep, but you knew otherwise. You had managed to wiggle your way through Cater’s walls and that scared him, but it also brought a sense of relief. His compliments towards you were genuine, showing you just how much his fans loved you (an extension of his own love). He’d always say he loved you playfully, sending a wink your way making you nearly combust…and you’d respond in kind (unknowingly doing the same to him). So when you said those three simple words, your tired eyes fluttering shut as you snuggled into his blankets, he felt like he was going to puke. He felt like a complete coward that he could only reply back after you had fallen asleep, vowing to show you just how much he cared the next day.
“I love you more than you know.”
Deuce Spades
We all know that Deuce isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, yet you found that endearing. The way he showed his care for you was so obvious it was hard to ignore. How he clearly favored you over Ace, sending threatening glares to any student who dares to look at you the wrong way. You had never felt safer than when you were with Deuce, so you’d try to reciprocate…yet he always seemed to outshine you in your made up care competition. Yet you quickly found his weakness after he shied away after you hugged him once. So when he did something so endearingly silly, it was only natural for those three words to slip…rip Deuce. He stammered, face blazing red as he tried to wrap around what you said, trying to untangle any hidden meanings. Bashfully, he couldn’t meet your eyes as he responded.
“I…love you too.”
Ace Trappola
This menace. He flexes all the time, claiming how you must love him with the way you follow him like a puppy. Yeah…he makes it hard sometimes. So out of spite you’d go to Deuce, causing Ace to sulk. It was in those moments that you realized he was lowkey (highkey) projecting his feelings onto you. It helped you deal with his unabashed praise for himself. You found yourself teasing Ace back, poking him and irritating him (he did find it annoying but he’d rather your attention be on him then anyone else). He’d show off during his games, always looking towards you and making him a clumsy mess on the court. When you finally muttered how you felt (somewhat bitterly) Ace felt his brain shut down for a second before quickly rebooting, a shaky smirk on his face with bright red cheeks as he replied. 
“Of course you do! Who wouldn’t- OW! Okay, okay, I l-like you too I guess.”
(bro couldn’t even say love you back 💀)
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Leona Kingscholar
To anyone who didn’t know him, they’d think he was indifferent to you, if not annoyed by you. Yet to your and Ruggie’s keen eyes it was easy to see his affection for you crack through his impervious exterior. How he’d drag you with him for his constant naps, how he’d let you play with his hair, and how he’d glare at anyone who seemed to get a little too friendly with you. Leona didn’t like being vulnerable, after all, showing your belly meant submission and death. So when you said those three words he’d dreamt of you saying, how lovingly you were staring at him as you fiddled with one of his braids, he felt his scowl worsen at the fluttery feeling in his chest. His green eyes glanced away, his face softening back into a neutral expression.
“I better be the only one you say that to, herbivore.”
Ruggie Bucchi
He’s another one that people can’t tell if he likes you or is using you. Whenever you were seen with him you were helping him with chores (in reality you only helped him so you both could relax together afterwards). It was clear how much you cared for him, bringing him snacks, helping him with chores, offering to pay for his meals (rip your already bare wallet). In return, he’d share with you. A feat that no one had ever seen him do before. Ruggie never felt guilty for taking/getting food…that was until you never seemed annoyed by how much he took from you. So he felt it was only fair if you had some too…you did pay for it after all. He found his tail wagging when you smiled at him, hugging him, or even when you ruffled his hair. So when you said that! Those words he never expected to be uttered from your lips, let alone aimed at him, his tail just couldn’t stop moving! No matter how composed he seemed, it was like his brain was on fire (insert that spongebob clip).
“Shishishi, I suppose I might feel the same…the price for that information is the other half of your donut. Shishi.”
Jack Howl
This guy. Definition of tsundere. Acts like he wants nothing to do with you while sticking by your side for as long as he can. The nice thing is that he helps you become more healthy. He never forces you, but you feel more inclined to join him in his ‘morning’ jogs (his morning jog is way too early for you so it's technically his second jog of the day and he calls it his wind down jog). Everyone can tell how he feels for you, it's clear in the way his eyes are always searching for your comfort, how he steps in when someone gets too pushy, or when his tail sways when all your attention is on him. Another guy you feel super safe with. The two of you were studying when you said it, atmosphere warm. Jack’s ear twitched, unsure if he heard you correctly, eyes searching yours for confirmation. When you gave no indication that you were joking or being silly, it felt like his heart flipped.
“I…care about you…as well.”
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Azul Ashengrotto
He is sneakily unseaky about his feelings. One moment he’s treating you like an actual valued guest with no hidden intentions (😒) and the next he’s lowkey (highkey) flexing on you. Mixed signals because you aren’t sure if he’s trying to make you feel bad about yourself or if he’s trying to make himself look better to you. “Oh don’t worry, this won’t put a dent in my pockets,” He’d say with a smug smirk (you’re lowkey side-eyeing him). One time you poked him to see how’d he react and it was super amusing. Ran away with the brightest blush you’d ever seen claiming he had work to do…yeah…right. When you realized he is in fact trying to impress you (and realized it was really fun to tease him with affection), you became more comfortable around him, looking forward to the next time you could visit the Mostro Lounge. It got to the point that Jade would just bring you to the VIP room (if Azul wasn’t busy swindling a poor soul). When you spoke those words it came out of seemingly nowhere, Azul spilling ink all over a contract he just finished writing. He was so close to darting out of the room, face ablaze, hands trembling. Do you know just how powerful those words are? 
“P-perhaps…d-do you…I-I think…” (You broke him, don’t worry he just needs time to collect himself. He loves you too 💖)
Jade Leech
Rip. It kinda takes a lot to catch his eye (do you even want that?). He found it amusing how kind you were, you wouldn’t make it for a second in the deep (k…). Yet what really caught his eye was that you were a green thumb. How you recognized one of his mushrooms and the gleam in your eyes as you stated all you knew about it (not much, but more than anyone else he’s met). Now you have a scary eel that pops up every now and then. Jade only cared about mushrooms, but now on his hikes he’d spot a plant you liked (every now and then bringing it back for you). Downside, you now had Floyd’s attention as well. I mean c’mon, his brother finding interest in someone? He just had to check the guppy out…thankfully Jade stopped him from squeezing you (a true testament of his care for you). The words spilled out of you when Jade had offered to…’help’...with a certain…’problem’ of yours (an annoying student who wouldn’t leave you alone). A look of pure shock washed over his face before it quickly turned into a cunning grin, something that sent the hairs on your arms to raise. 
“My my, what a bold statement. Please, treat me gently would you?~” (He did not forget about your ‘problem’)
Floyd Leech
Rip #2. You know he cares (sometimes) when he stops calling you guppy (sometimes he does it just to annoy someone cough Riddle cough). Your case was a mix of both. One time when Floyd wouldn’t stop poking your cheeks you poked his nose with a ‘boop’, and he had deemed you boops. Also wouldn’t stop booping you back after that. He is not ashamed at all. He’d squeeze you, drape over you, pick you up, poke you, nearly kill you. The usual. You always would pretend to be annoyed (although sometimes that annoyance was very real) and Floyd always found your reactions hilarious. Although he had his bad moods, 6/10 times he’d feel better when you booped him. Jade would tease him, Azul would ask you over to the Mostro Lounge more often, even Riddle would avoid you (because where you were Floyd had to be nearby). When he was in a bad mood and you booped him while saying “I love you~”, Floyd froze. Sharp eyes watching your every move like the predator he is, a wide grin revealing his sharp teeth. 
“Awwww, I love ya too Boops! Now lemme squeeze ya!” 
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Kalim Al-Asim
Where do I even start? He’s loving on you the moment he sees you. Hugs, cheek kisses, hand holding, it's all normal to him. He cares about you so why wouldn’t he show you? Poor Jamil, he was really stressed at first, unsure what your intentions were. So to start, you had to prove yourself to Jamil, Kalim had accepted you the moment his eyes landed on you. The more you hung out, the clearer your affection for Kalim shined, and you two were basically a married couple at this point. It was easy to care for him, reciprocating his affection without hesitation. Idk there's not much to say about him, he’s just a loving and carefree guy. It was when you both were winding down, hanging out with just the other, doing some homework (one of the ways you proved yourself to Jamil). Your dreary eyes watched as Kalim swayed in place, his eyes soon meeting yours. His beaming smile had all your defenses down, words falling out without you realizing it. It wasn’t until Kalim jumped at you, squeezing you tightly, face nuzzling into your neck.
“I love you too! We should get married!”
(😅)
Jamil Viper
It’s admirable that you managed to break down Jamil’s walls. He was even more surprised at how your attention would always seem to land on him instead of his insufferable prince. No matter how much Kalim basically begged for your attention, your eyes would always drift to Jamil, a warm smile on your lips when your eyes met. He showed his affection for you in how he looked after you. He had grown up taking care of someone, and although he found himself hating Kalim for his position, for Jamil’s spot in the world, he found himself enjoying caring for you. He loved how your eyes lit up when he offered you lunch, he had made too much anyways (riggggghhhht…), he felt his heart flip when you offered to help clean up or when you offered to help braid his hair. It was still hard for him to wrap his head around the fact that you truly cared for him and had no ulterior motives. His heart beat erratically when you said those words, when you looked only at him so lovingly, how your hand caressed his cheek so tenderly. It was all so overwhelming and he pulled away, pulling his hood up to hide his blush. His tongue felt heavy and he wasn’t sure if he had the heart to let himself be so vulnerable.
“Let’s continue this later…but rest assured I feel a similar way.”
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Vil Schoenheit
Ohhh boy. Vil, as much as I love him, might be a bit overbearing at first. If anything, you’d feel ashamed about yourself at first. You never seemed to be good enough as Vil would always find something to pick apart about you. You’d eat too many carbs, your uniform was wrinkly, your eyebags seemed to be more pronounced. When you snapped, crying and pleading for him to just stop, that you knew you weren’t beautiful or perfect like him and you didn’t want to hear it anymore, Vil had to rethink how he showed his care. He didn’t say those things because he thought you were ugly or terrible, he only wanted you to better yourself. To become more healthy and to take better care of yourself. Reflecting, he realized just how mean he seemed…enter the spoiling. Instead of nit picking you, he would give you stuff without a word. You found yourself with skin care products made by him (he didn’t want to taint your skin with bad ingredients), he would bring you a balanced lunch (perhaps breakfast and dinner too, if you’d be kind enough to join him), and he’d gift you outfits that complemented your figure perfectly (sometimes he’d have to get them costume made). It was a bit of a shock at the drastic change, but you found yourself doting on him more as well. You both were having dinner together, Vil complaining about his coworkers and you talking about whatever you were into at the moment. When he mentioned something he’d think you’d like you found yourself sweetly telling him you loved him. He was astounded, eyes locked on yours. As much as he tried to be composed, he couldn’t deny the fluttering of his heart or the heat on his cheeks. 
“I love you as well, my sweet potato.”
Rook Hunt
This man 💀. At first you were terrified. Man was literally stalking you. You even went to the professors for help because excuse me? Stalking bad. And as much as Rook took amusement in your actions, he decided to finally get to know you…face to face (he already knew a ton about you). You gave him bombastic side eye when he first was trying to talk to you. He’d pop out of bushes (strangely no leaves stuck in his hair), he’d appear right behind you…one time he seemed to appear from literally nowhere. Against your own will, you warmed up to the freak. When he wasn’t continuously complimenting you, you found him to be funny. Rook is also unashamed about his love for you, he’d shout it from the roof tops if you asked. He also took the fact that you were warm to him as a sign of affection. You didn’t nearly deck him for popping out of the bushes this time? Oh mon chéri, his heart melts that you felt his presence to be so comforting. It felt weird, Rook had complimented you many times, spouting about how much his heart yearns for you. You almost didn’t want to tell him that you loved him, a bit spiteful since you knew how smug he’d look afterwards (you’d never live it down either). Yet when Rook handed you a rose, spieling about how it could never compare to you, you found yourself crumbling. Instead of that smug look you expected, he looked genuinely happy. Green eyes bright and shining, smile so wide you thought it split. Yet that gleam soon looked like that of a predator who finally caught his prey. 
“Mon chéri, my heart weeps with joy, I cannot imagine a world without your brilliance shining. Avoir son cœur est la plus grande récompense.”
Epel Felmier
Epel is a tough nut even if he looks cute. He’d tease you mercilessly (Ace moment) on some days, while most he found himself complaining to you. Vil would work him tirelessly, and he can handle tough work! You’d sneak him candy or some jerky (that was more manly than candy). He found himself always trying to impress you, whether it be carrying something heavy or showing you his grades (he improved from last time okay). He loved how you complimented his strength or his intelligence, but deep down he was scared you saw him as a cute prim boy that Vil was trying to turn him into. If anyone tried anything with you he’s the one you’d go to, making his chest puff in confidence. Of course he’s trying to not fight so Vil won’t punish him, but a stern talking too wasn’t out of the picture. You both were relaxing under a tree. You mindlessly watched Epel as he carved an apple, handing you pieces when they were cut perfectly. Another one who can’t handle it when you say it. Eyes wide, shoulders hunched, face matching the apple he was holding. 
“Ya c-can’t jus’ s-say that! Y-you tryna k-kill me? ‘Tch, you’re lucky I like ya too.”
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Idia Shroud
He’s such a simp. Some days he can barely squeak out a word to you, hiding himself in the comfort of his hoodie, others he’s flexing on you about just how much more he knows about a game than you. When he’s feeling extra generous (trying to get y’alls intimacy meter up to max) he’ll buy you the fancy currency in your favorite gacha game, go on, do as many ten pulls as it takes to get your favorite character up to max level. His favorite moments are when you both are watching an anime together, in the same bed…it makes his heart explode just thinking about it (dudes on the opposite side of the bed 💀). What makes him care for you even more is how you interact with Ortho. You two are his favorite people and seeing how well you both get along just further warms his heart. When you muttered those words to him, he literally screamed. Hoodie up, hiding under his blankets, his hair the brightest pink it’s ever been. He felt light headed and he was sure if he opened his eyes his vision would be spotty.
“G-gah! Your charm is maxed out! It’s n-not fair that you had the special dialogue to insta kill me.”
Ortho Shroud (platonic only obvs)
He is just a little ray of sunshine. He’s the reason why you got so close to Idia in the first place. He’s always on the hunt for any potential friends for him and his brother. You were always sweet to him, doting on him and calling him cute. Ortho honestly thought of you as another sibling (might as well be with how much you hype him up). Ortho would always try to accompany you if he had time, always ‘hinting’ at you to visit his brother (bro is not hinting, straight up just asking). He felt his cpu warm as he processed his happy feelings at watching you and his brother get along, as well as when you always brought Ortho over to join you both. It didn’t take long for you to tell Ortho you loved him, I mean he was just so adorable!
“I’m so happy! I love you too!”
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Malleus Draconia
I hope you're ready to become a royal beside him. He shows he cares with grand gestures (which Lila helps make them smaller gestures). Malleus is used to people fearing him, and the fact that you didn’t? Man was gobsmacked. He shared his interests with you, and you shared yours with him. He would research anything you said that he didn’t understand (it was even better if you were the one teaching him). If you thought your affection was spilling over, Malleus’ was flooding. It turned into him giving you fine jewelry, clothing, flowers, food, you want it, it's yours. He cared for you greatly, and he was unsure how else to show his affection. You gave him a hug? He’d hug you now as a greeting. One time you booped his nose and he went cross eyed following your finger. You’d almost spilled your guts then (I’m surprised you didn’t cus that shit’s adorable). You always confused him with your cute forms of affection, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. It seemed impossible for you to keep in your love any longer on a bright, moonlit night. As you stared into the night sky, you spilled those three little words that unknowingly sealed your fate. Malleus felt his heart be set aflame, eyes taking you in. It was then that he finally thought of a perfect ring for you. 
“I love you as well, child of man. More than you could ever imagine.”
Lilia Vanrouge
As silly and carefree as he was, Lilia wasn’t ready to love again. He had his family, and that was all he cared for. So when he found himself messing with you more, missing when you weren’t around, wanting to cook for you (rip #3), he felt scared. Love never went well for him, it was almost like he was cursed, and those he cared for were ripped away from him. Yet you were so sweet, trying his food and trying to give him pointers on how he could improve. The cute scared face you made when he popped out of nowhere. Gosh you made it so easy to love, it was honestly unfair. He was supposed to be the cute one! You can’t go stealing his title! You also found it a struggle to love Lilia. You knew he was older than time itself (💀), and honestly you felt a bit weird for falling for him. I mean, you were so much younger, and he was a fae. It just seemed like a lot, so you kept your feelings to yourself. That was until one night, Lilia was tucking you in since you fell asleep on him, and you muttered those cursed words as you drifted off. He actually avoided you for a few weeks after that, and you felt embarrassed that you slipped. It wasn’t until he could no longer avoid you, missing you too much and having thought it through enough.
“I hope you understand the weight of your words, after all, us fae stay with our partner for life.”
Silver Vanrouge
He is so easy to get along with. He’s always looking out for you, offering you snacks when you're hungry and handing you water when you haven’t drank any yet. While he does find himself dozing off a lot, he appreciates when you try to poke him awake or go over the material he slept through. No one even questions your status, they just assume you're together with how lovey dovey you both act. He’s fallen asleep on your shoulder more times than he can count, his soft hair tickling your neck. He’d apologize when waking up, but you were too entranced by not only his beauty but the cute animals that now surrounded you both. Not to mention the way your heart would pitter patter as he would promise to defend you, his shining eyes showing complete seriousness. You had whispered your love for him when he was sleeping, gently playing with his hair. You thought he wouldn’t hear, but boy were you wrong. His soft eyes blinked open sleepily, a small smile tugging at his lips.
“Am I dreaming? I hope I’m not, because I love you too.”
Sebek Zigvolt
Another tsundere ass. He gets overwhelmed by his feelings for you so often I’m surprised your eardrums aren’t permanently damaged from his constant yelling. It was confusing for him because the only other person he felt a somewhat similar feeling towards was Malleus Draconia, and you were nowhere near the level of the future king of Briar Valley. He’d take his strange feelings out on you, inadvertently pushing you away. Thank the sevens for Lilia (or not) because the bat fae would always have something to say about Sebek when he’d see you. “Have you heard of how brave Sebek was?” “Have you seen how cute he is when his face turns red?” Thankfully, Sebek got used to the pitter patter he felt when you smiled at him, no longer scolding you for…smiling? Another one that you learn tends to project. He’s degrading you for being human? Well he’s half human too, so he probably feels the same about himself more than you. Which causes you to try and compliment him more…which leads to him shouting, cycle repeats. I hope you brought ear plugs, cus the moment you spilled your guts, the soft atmosphere turned harsh. His face lit up red as his shoulders rose to his ears, be prepared for a flustered, shouting croc.
“C-cease your tempting words human! I-I only have eyes for Waka-sama! I have no time for foolish endeavors that will ruin my position! W-wait, don’t l-leave! I n-never said I didn’t f-feel the s-same!”
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motelofmermaids · 4 months
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i just know that finnick is sometimes too in love with you. you could be yelling at him for doing something stupid in the arena that could have killed you both and the only thing he could think about doing is kissing you.
you are so right, anon! ♥︎
katniss and johanna wheezed, coughing up any water that they might have inhaled. peeta and beetee lay on the beach, chests heaving as the harsh sun beamed down on the group. you were sat on your knees, wiping blood off your forehead that had trickled down from your scalp. it was overwhelming to process what had led to this point. you knew it, but the adrenaline crash following the monkey mutt attack prevented coherent thought. “are you okay?” johanna kneeled down beside you, moving some of your stray hairs away from the clotting blood. “uh,” you look at her, almost dazed, “um, yeah… yeah.”
“where’s finnick?” peeta suddenly erupted, immediately storming off toward the tree lines. “peeta! peeta, stop!” katniss chased after him. despite peeta’s rage, no one dared to cross the line between the beach and jungle. “he fucked with us! i know you know that what he did was on purpose!” you could tell peeta placed partial blame on you. you weren’t aware that finnick was going to use the mutts to his advantage; you had no knowledge of his plan to kill two birds with one stone.
finnick odair was a smart man. he understood the risks associated with his plan, yet he did it anyway—without informing anyone, including you. when the mutts attacked, you and the others held on fairly well, managing to kill more despite being significantly outnumbered. what failed you and the rest of the group was when finnick spotted the careers and started guiding them closer while directing the mutts.
from there, blood adorned the brutal scene. finnick had been separated from the group, and you screamed for him. turning to run after him, johanna had a hand tightly cupped at the back of your neck, forcing you to the beach with the rest of the group. stray mutts diverted from the careers and finnick, quickly following suit. the rest became a hazy afterthought. you heard two cannons boom, followed with rustling behind the trees. you immediately stood up, peeta and katniss backing away from where they were originally situated.
out of breath and holding onto his bloody arm, finnick emerged onto the beach, desperately seeking you out. despite your obvious relief, instead of hugging him, you were pushing him away instead. brows furrowed in frustration, you yell, “are you fucking kidding?” johanna raised her hands and stepped away, giving finnick a small smirk. “finnick! were you trying to get us killed? what the hell is wrong with you?”
finnick couldn’t help the smile that adorned on his face. you were alive and healthy, that’s all that mattered. you were all that mattered. in those moments when you yelled at him, shoved him, and started tearing up, an overwhelming desire to kiss away your frustration and pain consumed him. “i love you,” in spite of the cheeky grin that has been on his face since finding you, he winced a little from the split in his lip.
you stood there dumbly, looking over to katniss as if she would ever have the answer to finnick’s unabashed endearment. his baffling, unexpected sentiment as you were screaming at him. “be serious, finnick.” he reached for your chin, his thumb gently swiping away some sand. “i’m sorry, honey. i know what i did was... really reckless,” he lowered his voice, only for you to hear, “but right now i really want to kiss you.”
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