#Social shaming

[doccywhomst]

#i’ve been thinking abt that cringe post #i think the latent feelings behind ‘cringe’ are shame and sometimes envy/bitterness #same vibes as when six year olds say ‘those toys are for babies’ if they’ve been shamed for their age by older kids #anyway. i think part of the healing process is realizing that shame puts you at war with yourself bc part of yourself is a social being! #and that part of you wants community and acceptance (maybe love). shame is the absence of acceptance #unlearning shame means learning self-love and gaining the confidence to find your people #jerma #cw jerma #(someone asked me to tag lol)

[stil-lindigo]

the machine.

a comic about being a 'creator' online.

creative notes:

#in light of recent online 'success' i feel like this may come off as ungrateful #just wanna say that all the comics i make in this series are written about experiences i felt in 2022 #which was a rough year personally and creatively #and i very luckily don't feel this way anymore #and this also isnt to shame anyone who DOES feel this way #its easy to start to feel like all you are is a vending machine of art #and like thats all you are to people #theres nothing human to you #it can be a bit of a pit #and on some level this damage is self inflicted but social media really doesnt help that feeling #this wont work for everyone but having friends around you who you can talk to about stuff that ISNT art #going outside for dinner #maybe walking around #its good for when you need that feeling to go away even a bit temporarily #youre a human being #not a mindless content creation machine #and i hope anyone who feels like this now can get to a place where they have a healthier relationship with their own work #good luck to all of you #and thank you for reading #comic art #its 10pm #stillindigo art

[vanhelsingapologist]

Publishing has always been a fucking nightmare, but now it’s a layer of hell. It’s not enough that writers be good at what they do. Writers have to maintain an active social media presence and cultivate a following. Be available.

They have to be conventionally attractive enough to look good enough to see on a screen, aesthetically pleasing, kind, funny, up-to-date on trends, socially aware but not so controversial that they turn off a brand from California from slapping their discount code on a video promoting a book.

They have to do all of this with no media training, with little help from the companies that are supposed to be doing this for them.

Of course, a lot of this isn't possible for say, the 40-something mother of two who teaches English at a school and writes on the side. She’s boxed out of an already complex industry that already has enough walls.

On some level, I think authors have always marketed themselves a little, but we’ve reached such a crazy point where we’re demanding the author become the influencer. Accessibility in publishing has narrowed from an inch to a sliver. And that inch was hard enough to get in as is.

#This is about traditional publishing but there’s pretty privilege and ageism in self publishing too #I can’t think of the last time I saw an up and coming author recording videos who was over thirty #And frankly that’s a shame #It could be that I’m not looking hard enough #but it’s more likely that algorithms are trained the way they are #truly I don’t think they should have to do any of that at all #And forgive me but (and I know it’s rich because I’m an artist on a platform) but art shouldn’t be at the mercy of an algorithm #Now there’s also something to be said about self publishing becoming easier and easier to achieve success in #And doors opening because of influencer status is real and makes publishing wider in a way #But that doesn’t mean it’s accessible #I’m not gonna plaster my health issues over the wall but that life is certainly not accessible to me! #are you healthy enough to write and make sure people on social media still want to like your stuff #are you mentally well enough to be your own pr #I’m sure people who have studied this have more to say and have said it better but this is what I’ve observed #writing #publishing #publishing industry

[creature-wizard]

Friendly reminder that shaming is not only ineffective, it tends to backfire in a big way.

#shaming #social skills #politics #shame

[thepeacefulgarden]

Compassion fatigue, activism fatigue, secondary trauma, all of those are very real things. Being burned out doesn't mean you're a bad person, or that you don't care. It means your brain needs a break, because it's meant to deal with stress in short bursts, not a constant, nonstop deluge of stress. (And that's true no matter how privileged you are/aren't. That's just how human brains work.) Don't ever feel guilty for feeling burned out; it does not reflect on you as a person. You have nothing to be guilty about.

And, don't ever feel guilty about taking some time to rest, taking a step back from the news cycle, social media, filtering certain tags, etc. etc. You can always come back to it. You need to give yourself a break, or you'll have some kind of breakdown, be it mental, physical, or both. And there is a difference between staying informed and doomscrolling. There is a difference between "selfishness" or "self-indulgence" and self-care. There is a difference between "not caring" and taking a step back for the sake of your mental health. And yes, there is a difference between "I don't care," and "I just don't have the mental/physical/emotional/etc. bandwidth to deal with this right now." (It should also be noted that just because someone isn't posting about current events or what have you, doesn't mean they don't care about them or aren't doing anything. They could be doing stuff you can't see, or maybe they feel they have nothing to say that hasn't already been said, or maybe blorboposting is what's keeping their mental health okay. You don't know, so just be kind.)

#self care #self compassion #self care is not selfish #self care is not an indulgence #news break #social media break #mental health #burnout #compassion fatigue #activism fatigue #no guilt #no shame #spoons #give yourself permission to rest

[entropyvoid]

Y’know before things went to shit a popular topic amongst jewish users on this site was about cultural Christianity, and a large part of that discussion was pointing out that certain ways of talking/acting/thinking were rooted in Christian culture, and were not culturally neutral, and the expectation of Jews (and people from non-culturally-Christian backgrounds in general) to conform to them was an expectation to assimilate and abandon our own cultural ways of talking/acting/thinking.

And this collective conversation has largely been abandoned as Jews on this platform now have much more loud and blatant forms of antisemitism to worry about

But I can’t really stop thinking about how ostracization, public shaming, guilt, conversational shut-downs, harassment, and throwing ad hominem buzzwords at various people to not have to engage directly with opposing ideas enough to form an actual counterargument have all been a serious issue with how people operate in left-leaning online spaces for a long time now, and how those things are also very common methods of group control in a lot of the more… well, controlling and loudly bigoted sects of American Christianity, with roots in American Puritanism.

And I think a lot of people who want to think of themselves as leftists or even activists should really take a step back and more deeply analyze their methods/praxis of realizing their ideals and how they interact with other people, whether or not they’re actually willing to be constructive about things, etc.

Like is burning bridges, shutting down conversations, refusing to engage intellectually with things you don’t like, callouts, etc… actually helpful and useful? Why is this the method so many default to, and where does it come from?

#ch.txt #jumblr #tagging bc. idk. the conversation started there and also visibility? #i saw a post the other day that linked a study I really want to refind #that was about how callouts and public shame statistically work rEALLY WELL on people already in marginalized positions. like trans women #but are extremely ineffective against people in positions of social power

[skyenish]

*evaporates into thin air to avoid social interactions*

#Idia is surprisingly fun to draw #twisted wonderland #twst #idia shroud #ignihyde #ディズニー ツイステッドワンダーランド #ツイステッドフンダラーンド #イデア・シュラウド #disney twisted wonderland #fanart #art #noahsart #my art #animatic #I think we need to talk more about Idia’s depression and social anxiety #its so realistic for me #but people keep bullying him for it ugh #Leona too but more so with Idia #really makes me sad when people shame him for something that’s just depression because you know he’s gone through horrible trauma #but whatever 🙄 #anyways justice for Idia I love him #(In a normal way I assure you)

[leaderwonim]

꒰ 사랑𝐒𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆: 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐧. 🫀

003: bitch is that yujin from zb1?

synopsis. you’re a newly debuted girl group under belift, and in order for your group to gain more popularity, your ceo offered you the lead role in a new romance kdrama. this all seems great, so what’s the problem? well, for starters, your co star is your senior, park sunghoon from enhypen, and he doesn’t seem too happy about being in a romance drama. especially when your fans have started to ship the two of you!

masterlist | previous | next

taglist ( open ) @rodygr @wonifullove @mrchweeee @nyfwyeonjun @yizhoutv @cupkiki @rikizm @jiaant11 @woninluv @brachioanton @seunnimg @jongseongslvr @luvswonyoung @laylasmother @akuspic @haechansbbg @haerinsii @mnxnii @neocockthotology @erehkinnie30 @defnotfertilizedtoesw @coastinglove @saythenameseventeen178 @girlokarina @myjaeyunn

#sunghoon has no SHAME. that man. #sarang 🫀 psh! #enhypen x reader #enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen fic #enhypen fluff #enhypen texts #enhypen x female reader #enhypen x y/n #enhypen x you #enhypen smau #enhypen socmed au #enhypen social au #enhypen scenarios #enhypen social media au #sunghoon imagines #sunghoon x y/n #sunghoon x you #sunghoon fluff #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon angst #sunghoon fanfic #sunghoon #sunghoon fake texts #sunghoon texts #sunghoon smau #enhypen sunghoon

[hyperlexichypatia]

One time I asked my mom (in her 70s) whether she, personally, knew any people in so-called "traditional marriages." I defined a "traditional marriage" as follows:

A man and a woman, married to each other

They are both each other's first and only spouse, neither has been married before

Neither of them has any children with any other partner

Any children they have were born after the couple was married.

After thinking about it, my mom was able to come up with a few examples of such couples. But only a few. And she had to think about it.

Yet we still live in a society where this type of family is considered "the norm" and the much more common types (blended families, single parents, divorced people) are considered "exceptions."

And this is not the only thing like this! There are many experiences/lifestyles/family types that are treated as The Default or The Norm that, in fact, may not apply to a majority at all!

Even in discussions like "We should remember that not everyone has [normative experience]," it's still framed as though the normative experience is, of course, still the statistical norm. It might not be at all! Or maybe it is the statistical norm worldwide, or nationwide, but not in your particular community, or your social circle.

Sometimes it's necessary to look at global or national statistics to correct your bias of extrapolating from your social circle. Social bubbles are a real problem. But. But. Other times. It's useful to just look at your social circle and ask yourself "Do these population-wide statistics really apply here? Should I be looking at them to determine what's 'normal' instead of just looking around me?"

So here are some things that are culturally assumed in the U.S. to be "the norm", that you might want to ask yourself: How many people do I know personally that this is actually true of? (Other countries have their own maybe-not-that-normal norms that I'm not as familiar with, but feel free to weigh in on).

How many people do you know personally who:

Have a "traditional marriage" as described above?

Have a work schedule of Monday through Friday, ending at 5:00 p.m.? i.e. for whom Saturdays, Sundays, and evenings after 5:00 are "not at work" time?

Attended residential college from ages 18 to 22, and graduated with a bachelor's degree by age 23?

Had most or all of their college tuition and living expenses paid for by their parents?

Have, as an adult, the same surname as both of their parents, who were and still are, married to each other? Which was their father's surname which their mother took at marriage? i.e. whose parents could accurately be referred to as "Mr. and Mrs. [that persons' same surname]"?

Don't take any regular daily medicine?

Depending on your social circle, you might know very few people in these categories! But you probably still hear people say unquestioned, taken-for-granted things like "We should have the meeting at 6:00, so people can come after work," or "Of course parents of college students should have a say, since they're paying for it."

In many demographics, these things aren't just "not always true"; they're hardly if ever true. I wrote here about the false assumption that college students are uniformly single, childless young adults. Are you scheduling your events on the assumption that evenings and weekends are free time? For that matter, how many child care providers serve families during the hours that most parents actually work? Are we ready to admit that these things aren't the norm yet?

#normative social assumptions #family structure #family structure shaming #shift work #addressing parents as “mr. & mrs. [child's last name]” when you have no idea whether that's accurate

[mueritos]

i hope we continue to see more protests within the US military. i see a lot of leftists and folks who are anti-military who have such an open disdain for the people who are in the military, yet neglect to considering the conditions this country makes to produce ideology, poverty, and the illusion of choice to make all kinds of people choose to enlist in the military. You ever see those videos of ROTC kids recording each other asking why they joined the military and everyone's like, "healthcare", "it helped me go to college", "I was bored" or "free ptsd lol". I hate to remind everyone but folks who are in the military are people, too, and they are the same victims and perpetrators of violence as the rest of you, we have all been shallowly conditioned to view each other as enemies just because one person is wearing army greens and the other is not.

some of the biggest anti-war advocates are those who engaged in war. Veterans who genuinely believed they were protecting the US against "terrorism" come back with blood on their hands, and they choose to realize that it was US imperialism that forced them to carry out violence, instead of doubling down and shielding themselves from the fact that they too are capable of atrocities... This is a class of people who are intentionally conditioned to be as poor and as ideologically aligned to US imperialism so that the military has a never-ending pool to send their youth to destroy other country's youth. The only people I have ever heard say "do not join the military" are those who ARE military.

This is in no way to ever excuse or explain away any of the atrocious war crimes and violence this industry and its people have committed against others. What I am saying is that we absolutely cannot cast aside the individuals who have been victimized within US imperialism, even if they are wearing army greens. I was speaking with my Palestinian classmate last week and another classmate--a member of the US air force-- walked up to me and struck up a conversation. My military classmate showed me her new bird, bid both of us goodbye, and left. My Palestinian classmate asked me if I was close with her, and I said we talked quite often, and she said, "I never met a person who's in the military. I still hate the military, but I never knew that they did, too. I didn't realize that they were also victims."

If my Palestinian classmate--one who is actively watching her own community die--can understand that it is not individuals who are the problem but it is in fact systems, US imperialism, white supremacy, capitalism...why can't we all? And she has EVERY reason to hate any individual military member. A lot of online activism just creates more barriers. if your optics look bad, complicated, or contradictory, you are cast aside. Everyone has got the be the perfect activist, you can never make a mistake or share a half-baked thought, you should always believe every word from a marginalized persons mouth (because being marginalized doesn't mean you're not entrenched in white supremacy too!) and you should never question what you see...Do you know what you sound like? The very imperialists who are convincing poor whites to vote against themselves. Perfectionism is white supremacy. Black & white thinking is white supremacy.

I'd rather have a military member who genuinely believed in the US imperialism machine but was disillusioned after being deployed as my comrade than some leftist who cherishes the performance of "being a good person". I don't want "good people" in our movements. I want humans who care. I want humans who make mistakes and who learn from them. I want humans who accept the messiness of a person. I want humans who hold others accountable and allow themselves to take responsibility for their actions. I want people who change for themselves and others.

fight systems, not individual people. we can change each other, but if we're too preoccupied looking like the World's Perfect Activists, we will only consume each other alive. Connect to your fellow humans, forever and always.

#muertotalks #a mind dump after seeing so much come out after the self immolation of the us air force member #i know hes not the first one to self immolate for palestine #and he might not be the last #i hate the military #i really fucking do #but i choose to see the people within them as victims within the overall system just like the rest of us #i will never go through what they did to make them choose to enlist #i never struggled with poverty homelessness healthcare or social acceptance #i wont shame them #shame is not productive #i want them to know there are civilians who support their protests #i want them to know that we their allies too #a note on my palestinian classmate #if youre arab or also a colonized person impacted by the us military feel free to hate every member of the military #i dont intend to police yall in how you choose to feel your anger #im angry with you #the point i mean to make is about understanding and compassion #someone who has every right to hate these people still chose to see them as the people they are #yes i even want the best for the “bad” people in the military too #i dont want these people to continue the ideology but we cant stop that without dismantling these systems #and we cant do that without creating spaces for healing and reform and growth #so many thoughts so many thoughts #none of this is easy #i fight daily against impulsively hating the world #everyday is a fight to choose compassion and understanding #but being a leftist and doing leftism is not fucking easy #if you genuinely think it is it isnt #and you may be missing the point of what leftism is #anyway

[doccywhomst]

btw killing the cop inside your head also means not policing the thoughts of others. i promise, your personal categories of right and wrong are made by experience and context, just like public law. what you believe isn’t universally correct. what others believe is none of your business. if you find yourself worrying that your friends don’t think exactly like you…. you’re right. they don’t.

i’m not talking about believing in fundamental human rights or not, but there are many ethical choices that people can and will make differently. for example, if you are vegan or vegetarian, PLEASE don’t comment on other people’s diets. that choice doesn’t and shouldn’t involve you.

stop trying to shame people into thinking like you

#uuuughhhh. shame is such a coward’s weapon #i’m just so so so done with how social media has convinced people that THEIR kind of shaming is okay because it’s for THEIR good reasons #literally shut the fuck up and mind your own business #rant

[justalittlesolarpunk]

Was reading a book about how pagans can envision and create a sustainable future and one of the chapters was taking about shame, and how shame around sexuality leads to shame around everything else that ties you to the earth, and so you try to disconnect yourself from nature and that leads to anti-ecological behaviour. Honestly a fascinating perspective - very liberating for a queer environmentalist!

#solarpunk #hopepunk #environmentalism #cottagepunk #social justice #community #optimism #bright future #climate justice #tidalpunk #paganism #shame #queer ecology

[furiousgoldfish]

I'm curious, did anyone else have this experience as a kid, of waiting to find the person who wouldn't hate you? Like yeah, your parents acted like you're a waste of space, but you were sure that deep inside there was something more to you, and one day someone would realize that and care for who you really are. And you kept trying to reach out, outside of the home, to find someone who would get you.

And then eventually you found someone you connected to on a deep level and who you felt intensely bonded with, who seemed to accept you and want you for something at last. And when this person suddenly changed their mind and also decided that you were not worth a second glance, it broke something inside of you?

Like you were able to keep resilient against all the abuse if there was one person who was on your side and saw something good in you, but if even that one special person decided you were worthless, then your resilience broke and you couldn't find it in yourself to doubt what everyone around you thought of you, that you were nothing, bad, poisonous, evil.

I keep carrying this shame in me and still trying to prove to myself and to the world that it is not true, but I've never gotten over that intense rejection and reactions of disgust on me being vulnerable, hurt, or wanting to be close. Even if I don't feel it when I'm alone, next to other people I only wait for the moment they'll decide that I'm not worth a second of their time, and that I'm in fact, repulsive in every possible way. Did anyone recover from this?

#toxic shame #toxic guilt #trying to get over emotional abuse #child abuse #abusive parents #overwhelming shame #anxiety around people #social anxiety caused by intense rejection of the entire environment as a kid

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

"distant relative" i assume you are referring to my father?

#happy father's day everyone! #mine was fucking terrible he received a C- rating at best #and that is me being fucking GENEROUS with the grading rubric yeah #anyway i love and respect anyone who feels the need to quietly publicly shame their negligent father figure on anonymous social media #there should be a RateMyProfessor website but it's RateMyParents #it would serve no possible practical purpose but it would be as potentially psychologically scalding as a ghost pepper and/or supernova so. #do it #.......that could actually be so interesting #comparing and contrasting the reviews of siblings and half-siblings and step-siblings #the differences in parental perception between the Black Sheep/Scapegoat and the Golden Child and the Middle Child and So On #(on that note why are the two main idioms for being blacklisted in your own family both *livestock* related who laid that groundwork) #ANYway. back to RateMyFather #this one dad gets nine 5-star reviews and one absolutely SCATHING no-stars review #which mathematically leaves him with a 4.5 rating BUT #the main thing you are left wondering is how did one dad end up with TEN reviews that is in itself an Indictment

[thepeacefulgarden]

#self compassion #no guilt #no shame #give yourself permission #self care #mental health #news break #social media break #coping #difficult times #happiness #joy #gratitude

[egberts]

what do fatphobes think they're doing though like why are they mad that we are fat and they are not? just get fat if you want special airplane seats so bad and leave us alone, damn. wait, what? can't get fat? it's too hard to gain weight with your metabolism? huh. sounds like a familiar problem, maybe you're just genetically predisposed to being both skinny AND an asshole. damn.

#genuinely wish being so vehemently hateful to fat people wasnt as socially acceptable as it is #people are BOLD bold when talking to and about fat people because theres no shame behind it yet #genuinely from the bottom of my heart if youre skinny then callout fatphobia when you see it or this will just get worse