#So it's OK for trans identified females to have their own teams?

[coochiequeens]

If the choice is giving him the record for being the first openly trans whatever or calling his achievements a woman's achievements I'm OK with the first one.

ByReduxx Team July 1, 2023

A trans-identified male is being honored with a Guinness World Record for being the first “openly transgender football referee.” Lucy Clark referees matches in the Women’s National League and at men’s grassroots level. On June 30, Guinness World Records (GWR) posted a short clip to Twitter naming a male who identifies as transgender as the “first openly transgender football referee.”

In addition to a short video profiling Lucy Clark, GWR posted an accompanying article featuring an interview with him and his wife.In the article, Clark says that football “saved” his life. The article reads: “When she considered taking her own life, glancing at a football stadium in the distance gave her strength. It felt like a sign. ‘It allowed me to come down in an elevator rather than in other ways,’ she says.”

After suffering a heart attack at the end of 2017, Clark decided to come out as transgender, though was initially hesitant to tell the Football Association out of concerns he would not be accepted. At the beginning of the 2019 season, he came out publicly as a “transgender woman” with the Football Association’s support.Clark has since launched Trans Radio UK (TRUK), a radio station focusing on creating a “safe space” for transgender people. TRUK also has its own dedicated football club, which appears to have “female trans” and “trans masc” teams for males who identify as women and females who identify as men. The club also seems to allow for an open category in which the team configuration can comprise of anyone.

The all “trans masc” team for females who identify as men made headlines earlier this year after competing against a non-transgender male team and taking a devastating loss of 8-to-1. Clark’s wife, a female named Avril, recently won a “Trans Ally of the Year” award. “You have to be an ally. You have to stand up, because the hate against trans people now is virulent,” Avril is quoted by Guinness World Records as saying. On Twitter, Guinness World Records was ruthlessly mocked by netizens for referring to Clark as a “woman” using “she/her” pronouns.“What record did he set? The first ref who thinks he’s a lass AND said so in public,” user @Adhib asked.

“Another bloke who escalated in his fetish and now demands women to participate,” another user wrote in reply.

As of the writing of this article, the Guinness World Records tweet has over 1,200 overwhelmingly negative replies compared to just 900 ‘likes.’

On his Instagram, Clark recently posted a photo with former Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, praising her for her work on behalf of the transgender community

Sturgeon resigned from her post earlier this year after becoming the target of widespread backlash for her attempts to push through devastating gender self-identification legislation in Scotland. Just prior to her resignation, Surgeon’s government attempted pass controversial amendments to the Gender Recognition Act which would streamline the process of altering sex markers on legal documents. Notably, an amendment to the bill which would have prohibited anyone convicted of a sexual offense from changing their legal sex was rejected.

But Scotland would become the target of international criticism in January after a number of highly dangerous male inmates expressed an interest to be moved to the female estate, with some being green-lit to do so. The debate flared up after it was learned a male double-rapist had been placed in a women’s prison ahead of his sentencing. News of the placement resulted in global outcry, and the rapist was removed from the female estate after Sturgeon agreed that he should not be held in the female estate. Sturgeon resigned amidst the controversy. On Twitter, Clark expressed repeated support for Dr. Michael “Helen” Webberley, a transgender doctor who runs the much-decried GenderGP — an online clinic providing “gender affirming” care.

Webberley was found guilty of recklessly prescribing puberty blockers and cross sex hormones to patients as young as 9, and only recently won an appeal on the suspension of his medical license.

#guinness world records #So it's OK for trans identified females to have their own teams? #And it's OK to have an open league when it's trans people running it?

[qqueenofhades]

Once you get offline, Biden’s doing ok with everyone but Republicans and racists. Unfortunately, that’s a pretty big voting bloc, but it should be manageable. More unfortunately, Harris is. Not popular. With anyone. Like, we’re talking Dan “To not have a mind is being very wasteful” Quayle levels of dissing. You can blame some of it on sexism and racism, but enough women and people of color have jumped on the “Kamala’s letting The Team down” bandwagon that there’s got to be more to it than this. Any thoughts?

Yeah, uh, I don't think that's fair OR accurate, and deserves quite a bit more reflection and pushback than is implied here (since your question frames it as thinking there MUST be something wrong with her and invites me to expand on it). First off, I am not comfortable comparing the first female vice president (AND female VP of color) to empty suit Dan Quayle, and especially when there's such a disparity in their background, social perception, and accomplishments, not to mention their role in the administration. So:

"You can blame some of it on sexism and racism, but -- " Okay, but how much? Are we actually assigning a weight to that and taking it into consideration, or hand-waving it aside in search of the "real" cause? Online Leftists are already disposed to irrationally dislike Kamala because of the "she's a cop!!!" business that went around during the primaries, which was likewise inaccurate and misleading, but showed how women, especially women of color, are often treated in white leftist spaces (including by leftist-identifying women). That very much WAS down to sexism, racism, and perceiving her as "shrill" or "there's just something I don't like about her." Okay, what is that? WHAT is the thing you don't like about her? Would you notice it in a male politician? Would you critique it in a male politician? If the answer is any part unclear, this needs more work and is in fact reflective of that dynamic, whether or not anyone is aware of it or thinks that's the reason why.

No, seriously. If someone professes that they "just don't like" Kamala or "there's something about her that rubs me the wrong way" or whatever else, my immediate next question would be "Why? What don't you like about her?" And keep drilling down through whatever excuses about "unlikeability" or "personality" or whatever else is offered. If this can be persuasively articulated in a way that a) exposes a substantive policy reason, b) can be differentiated from what any male vice president or other person in her position would do or what should be expected of them, and c) isn't just about "offputting vibes," then sure, we can have a discussion about that. Otherwise, yeah. That's not convincing me that it's anything other than the constant, long-running, ever-present discomfort with seeing a powerful and accomplished woman of color, who started her career prosecuting sex criminals, was the first Black woman in the Senate, and is now the first female vice president, actually state her issues and own her role.

"Enough women and people of color have jumped on the 'Kamala Is Letting the Team Down' bandwagon that there must be -- " Really? Must there? First of all, it's damn near impossible to find any Online Leftist who's willing to give Biden accurate credit for his accomplishments -- see the "Biden is bad and uninspiring and anti-trans but we should I guess vote for him anyway" rhetoric which is the closest they can possibly get to acknowledging it. (None of which is actually true!) When that's the case with the top of the ticket, it's orders of magnitude easier to project that irrational dislike and distortion onto "shrill" or "dislikable" Kamala. So who are these "women and people of color" who don't like Kamala? Are they in the room with us right now? Do they actually care about/vote for the Democrats, support their policy accomplishments, and realistically understand the progress that's been made and what remains to be done, or do they want to use Kamala as yet another convenient stick to beat the Democrats (since they won't give them accurate credit to start with?)

Even if this was true, sexism and racism somehow magically wasn't a factor (which uh, it is not) and Kamala had some terrible personality defect that was unique to her and her alone and not any of the far worse vice presidents there have been in the last 20 years alone: what is this kind of question intended to accomplish? Are we supposed to fear that by voting for Biden, we might vote for Kamala as well? Well, she was on the ticket last time too, and they won the election. Don't know what else to tell you.

#anonymous #ask #politics for ts

[corvus--rex]

Another one that's soundly asleep and not abandoned. Non-canon compliant, and all 7 of them are lgbt+ (I also may, possibly, be projecting onto Keith - just a little). And Lance is a they/them enby.

~*~*~*~

Liberating the planet Artrax was the easy part. Eliminating the Galra presence was simple. Voltron’s Paladins had done their job in securing the planet’s freedom. No different from any other occupied planet they’d been to. The Artraxians were holding a celebratory festival both in honor of the Paladins and in anticipation of joining the Voltron Coalition. Not complicated. It wasn’t something they hadn’t done many times before. And while every planet’s traditions and customs were different, they more or less knew what to expect. At least, they thought they knew what to expect. They were apparently wrong about that.

Allura dropped into her usual seat at the head of the dining table with a heavy sigh, the tablet in her hand clattering to the table’s surface. A lack of her usual composure was evident in the way her shoulders slumped, the annoyance and displeasure clear on her face. She sighed again before facing the Paladins.

“I’ve just spoken with Artrax’s leaders. They are going forward with the celebration in our honor and over joining the Coalition,” she said, heavy with exhaustion.

“I’m sensing a ‘but’,” Lance said cautiously.

“The Artraxians have a very rigid society when it comes to gender roles and sexuality. They are also insisting that, as distinguished guests, we are to dress according to their standards. At the very least I got them to agree to modify their fashions to our anatomy. But they will not back down from their views on gender. Not even for us. Alteans may not believe in those strict lines, but they do.”

“And combined with their enhanced sense of smell, especially when it comes to hormones and pheromones, there’s no way we can get around it,” Pidge noted disappointedly.

“Unfortunately. Please know that I would never ask any of you to do something that makes you uncomfortable in that way. But they would consider it a personal insult not to attend, or abide by their customs. And their trade routes are invaluable to the Coalition. I am so sorry.” Allura slumped back into her seat, gaze dropping to the table.

The room was silent for a long minute as they all considered their options and what the Artraxian societal standards meant for them. Three fifths of the Paladins didn’t identify with their assigned genders and none of them, Allura and Coran included, were straight. Hiding their sexual orientations was manageable, their gender identities far less so. Neither Lance nor Pidge in any way liked the idea of being forced into presenting as their assigned genders. After expanding their wardrobes beyond what they had worn into space, there was no telling what Lance would appear in on any given day, while Pidge’s remained as non-gendered as physically possible.

It had only been a few months since Pidge had come out to the team as agender, aromantic, and asexual. “Triple-A Queer” they had called it. They had known for some time before, but their disguise to get into the Galaxy Garrison was important to their self-imposed mission to find Sam and Matt, and so allowed everyone to believe that they were male. Lance, on the other hand, had never made their semi-fluid nonbinary identity a secret. Being bisexual and nonbinary at the Garrison had been an unpleasant experience at times, until the day when Tommy Bailey was harassing them for it again and Hunk simply appeared behind Lance without a sound, glaring. Tommy was too afraid of Hunk after that to try anything again.

While Lance and Pidge – as much as they hated it – could power through the discomfort of dressing to their physical sex, it was a little harder for Keith. He had kept it a secret at the Garrison, Griffin’s homophobia and “teasing” about Keith’s parents was bad enough. The only ones who had known were Shiro, Adam, and Garrison medical staff. He figured his life was hard enough being the gay, orphaned, golden boy without adding his trans status on top of it. His recovery time after top surgery was dismissed (by him) as having been sick, and hormone shots as being for specific, undisclosed allergies. (“Yeah, I’m allergic to being female,” he’d told Shiro with a laugh when they decided that was going to be the “official” story.)

He’d been off hormones since not long after leaving the Garrison, and told the team shortly after settling into the castle. He wanted to, but even if he hadn’t, it was going to show itself sooner or later. He’d rather they were prepared for bitchy, PMS-ing Keith, followed by angry, period Keith. It was not a side of himself he liked anyone seeing, but without access to his hormones, they were going to whether he liked it or not. He had the grace of the gods in that respect. Shiro handled it the same way he always had – from a distance and with care. Pidge was right there with him, commiserating over a bodily function neither of them wanted. Hunk had two moms and a younger sister, so he understood, even if it was from the outside. It was the same for Lance, with both of their sisters, one of whom was their twin, so they’d seen what she went through a little more closely than they’d wanted. Allura and Coran didn’t understand human reproductive cycles, but understood that it was an uncomfortable process, and did what they could.

But all that meant that he was going to be the one out of all of them in the most discomfort. It had been years since he’d had to pretend like he wasn’t in the wrong body, and now he was having to face that all over again. He knew that if they’d had any kind of leeway, Lance and Allura would be there to help him to be as comfortable as possible while stuck in a dress. But they didn’t. They were going to be in a modified version of the planet’s inhabitants’ traditional costume. None of the paladins knew what it looked like, but from how upset Allura was, it couldn’t be good.

Keith decided to rip off the band-aid. “So, what do these outfits look like?” he asked.

Allura played with the tablet she’d brought with her for a moment before turning it on. The images projected over the table were of the Artraxian people modeling their traditional clothing. Their race was in an eternal transitional period between reptilian and avian. Mostly scaled, and more closely resembling their reptile ancestors, they also had patches of brightly colored feathers and slightly wing-like arms with retractable membranes. The feathers that grew along their shoulders, forearms, and thighs were short, and nearly mistakeable for scales if it weren’t for their texture. They also had feathers that grew in a swath from forehead to neck, but these were longer, some trailing down their backs. Artraxian scale colors ranged from pale, leaf green to deep forest, those colors determined by regional origin. Unlike what the paladins would have expected of either reptiles or birds, Artraxians were a live-birth species, and so had some features more like Earth mammals, most notably two close-set rows of three breasts. Six-titted aliens was not what they were expecting. But combined with their long, thick, tapering tails and wing-arms, the paladins could see why their clothes would have to be adapted for human and Altean anatomy.

The clothing itself was as brightly colored as their feathers. It appeared light, soft, and silky, but was wrapped around their bodies like bandages, ultimately not leaving much to the imagination. Some of the wrappings were sheer, showing off the scales beneath. The females wore a two-paneled, A-line skirt over their leg wraps that ran to mid-calf, completely sheer and split at the sides to the waist. Males wore something similar, but slightly shorter and opaque. Both sexes went barefoot, no doubt a necessity due to their sharp claws. All five paladins looked over the projection with varying degrees of curiosity, anxiety, and fear.

“We’ll be providing the Artraxians with our physical measurements from here, and they will send us our…outfits,” Allura said, eyeing the female Artraxian with trepidation.

Keith was sorry he’d asked; he felt sick.

Lance was sitting directly across from him and was the first to notice it. Leaning over the table slightly, they nudged his foot. “You ok?” they asked quietly.

“No.” It was all he could get out before bolting from the room.

Shiro started to get up, but Lance stopped him. “I’ll go. No offense, but I don’t think a cis guy is what he needs right now.”

“Want me to come too?” Pidge asked.

“Maybe in a little bit. I think too many people will be too much for him.”

Pidge nodded at the same time Shiro spoke. “I’m not offended, Lance. You’re the best suited out of all of us to talk to him right now.”

“Thanks, man. I’ll call if I need anyone.”

Lance paused in the hallway, considering the possibilities of where Keith was most likely to be. Training deck? Always a possibility, but it didn’t seem as probable at that moment. He’d been genuinely upset, not just aggravated or frustrated. So not there. Holed up in his bedroom? Maybe, but it felt a little too obvious. The shock of seeing what he was expected to wear had made him bolt, and Lance knew he’d gone to ground. Ok, so not his bedroom either. The castle was not a small place, but there were only a handful of places Keith would go. If not the training deck or his bedroom, he had most probably run for his favorite of the observation decks, and that was where Lance set off for.

Walking the halls of the castle, Lance enjoyed the feeling of the soft fabric of their long skirt and fluffy cropped sweater. They liked the way the silky material flowed around their legs, and how their sweater floated and felt like it was made of clouds. It also made them think about their own coming out process. How their twin sister Rachel was the first person they’d told at age 12. Barely a month before their thirteenth birthday, Lance had taken Rachel on the short walk to the beach, to the spot away from where even the locals stayed. Their favorite place where they went swimming all summer long. Where their older siblings taught them to surf, and where their mother had shown them the constellations and sparked a love of space in Lance.

That’s where they’d gone with Rachel on a hot day in June. Lance remembered standing ankle-deep in the warm, clear water. They couldn’t look at her, too nervous about what she’d say. But looking out over the Atlantic, they’d found the courage they needed, and told Rachel everything. About how they’d been thinking about how they noticed they liked girls ok, but also boys and nonbinary people too, and considered themselves bi. It led them into talking about their own gender. That they didn’t feel much like a boy, but that they felt kinda like a boy sometimes, kinda like a girl sometimes, but mostly felt nonbinary. Lance told her that they felt like gender didn’t matter as much to them, and that while they didn’t feel the need to change their name, their preferred pronouns going forward were they and them.

Rachel had sat on the beach and listened. She thought it over while Lance was talking, and when they were done, she got up without a word, left her flip flops on the sand, and joined her sibling in the water. She crushed them in the tightest hug of their life and told Lance that they were her twin, nothing in the known universe could stop that, and that the absolute most important thing was that they were comfortable in their own skin. If there were a few tears before they left for home, no one needed to know. With Rachel firmly beside them, they told the rest of the immediate family that night, getting almost the same reaction from them as they had from their twin. Their father Diego was only a little more reserved, admitting that he didn’t understand the nonbinary part, but as long as Lance was safe and happy, that was all he cared about. By the time Lance had left Earth, Diego had come to understand what being nonbinary meant and that those five years of expressing themselves freely had been the happiest of Lance’s life.

The memory of that summer day made them smile to themselves as they walked, but also made them miss home and family all over again. With a sharp shake of their head, they remembered what they were coming up to the observation deck for. They knew Keith understood how important this party was, but being forced into that was more than enough to cause that kind of reaction. Ironically, Lance thought, the Artraxian male fashion sense was actually feminine-leaning, non-gendered by human standards and didn’t bother them as much as they thought it would, although it still did upset them. But that was them, not Keith. Especially with what Artraxian women wore, they knew how much it upset Keith. And that was why they were there. Not to try to convince him to wear it, but to be supportive. Let him know that both they and the team had his back with this. That Lance would be there for him however he needed.

Lance knocked on the door, walking in when they didn’t get an answer anyway. Keith was sitting on the floor with his arms wrapped around his knees as he watched the stars. Lance curled up beside him without looking over.

“Hey. It’ll be ok. I know it really, really, sucks, and I wish we didn’t have to do it, but we do. We’re all here for you, you know that right?”

Keith sighed, rolling his head from where it rested on his knees to look over at Lance. “I know you are. Doesn’t make it any easier. I thought I was past all that. Having to pretend to be something I'm not. It’s been hard enough being out here without even the possibility of access to my T shots. And now this. I think I would have been more ok with it if it didn’t look like that.”

“Yeah, I get that. Kinda exposes almost everything. None of us like it, even if I know Allura and Shiro are gonna look amazing in it, but Pidge and Hunk will be really uncomfortable. Hunk doesn’t like going to the beach without a shirt on unless he’s really comfortable with the people around him. And I don’t think I can even imagine Pidge in anything girly, let alone that. And even I’m not really comfortable with it. Way too much skin on display, y’know? I mean, I say this while wearing a crop top, but…” they trailed off with a soft laugh and turned to face Keith. “Really what I’m saying is that we’re all uncomfortable. I know it’s not exactly the same, but you’re not alone. If you need to stay close to one of us for the party to feel safe, it’s ok. No one will mind.”

Lance thought that the soft huffing sound that came from Keith might have been a laugh until they heard the sniffle and realized that he was wiping away tears.

“Thanks, Lance,” Keith said softly.

“Anytime, Samurai.”

It was barely a day after transmitting the team’s measurements to the planet’s surface before an unmanned shuttle landed onboard the castle. They realized that color preferences hadn’t been asked of them, and that their “outfits” were all individually wrapped in black tissue and labelled with their names. Coran busied himself with handing out the packages and sent Allura and the paladins off to change.

“Hey, Lance?” Keith called quietly.

They turned to him and immediately saw the discomfort and anxiety all over his face. “Hey, it’s ok. What do you need?”

“I think I need to call in that favor.”

“Ok. Would having Allura there help?”

Keith thought for a few seconds. “…Yeah, I think so.”

Lance turned to where the princess was making her way across the pod bay floor. “Allura, I have a question for you.”

She stopped and waited for both of them to catch up with her. “Yes? What is it?”

Lance looked to Keith first for his silent confirmation before continuing. “Keith’s gonna need some help with this. I figured you being the only girl here would help with making him as comfortable as we can.”

“Oh, yes, of course. Allow me to change and then we can meet.”

“My room?” Lance suggested.

~*~*~*~

Links to the rest of the series:

1 | 2 | 3* | 4 | 5* | 6* | 7 | 8 | 9* | 10 | 11 | 12* | 13 | 14 | 15* | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19*

#my writing #abandoned wips #klance #keith x lance #keith kogane #lance mcclain #vld #voltron #voltron legendary defender

[valkyrieofsmut]

Hello everyone reading this! I hope you're having a wonderful day!

Look, I don't usually post about anything political, I'm not affiliated with any party, because there are dumb ideas on all sides... But, there's a bill going to the legislature where I live that is absolute bullshit.

They're trying to keep transgender girls out of girls k-12 sports.

This pisses me off so much.

No, I am not trans, no, I don't have any close friends that are trans (mostly because I don't have many close friends, anyway), no, none of my family is trans (that has come out, anyway). No, I don't have any kids, which means that they wouldn't be on a team with trans girls, maybe. So I seemingly don't have a reason to support either side of this.

Except that it's fucking stupid!

Trans girls are just girls who's bodies are different than girls who's gender match their bodies like us lucky ones have! They, as every other FEMALE should, have the right to use the girls bathroom, be on girls sports teams if that's what they're into, oh, and be treated like the lovely ladies they are, judged by their personalities instead of what their bodies look like!

Fucking hell- why don't you get your head out of other people's underwear, you exclusionist assholes! If, as they claim, having trans girls on a team make it unfair- get some on your team! Be competitive! Make it safe for them to be themselves so the ones interested in sports will join your team and give your kid an (imaginary) advantage! If you are worried about one on one challenge, remember that all humans have different ability levels, and training makes them better, and how many cis female athletes can kick the asses of male athletes! And athletes of every gender! Also, trans guys kick cis male’s asses, too- “even if” they’re (AFAB)!

And maybe think of every trans girl that's afraid to come out, who would be tormented and beat up, by males and females, who may not have any teachers or parents to turn to for help because they believe the same thing you're saying (or thinking), things many people in that generation believe, things that you're teaching your kids. 

All the (trans) girls who just want somewhere to belong and feel safe, somewhere they can have fun and make friends, somewhere they can have a sense of community, somewhere they can be with other girls who share interests and learn about hard work, fair play, and dependability, somewhere they can go when things aren't going well in other aspects of their life and the trouble of growing up, the chance to get support of others their age who all feel insecure about their bodies because of puberty and society's standards, who worry that their busts aren't the right size, the trouble of starting to either shave their legs and learning how or deciding not to, but either way, dealing with others making fun of them for it. Somewhere that feels like family. Somewhere... like a team.

All the girls who don't want to be singled out and made to feel different, especially for things that are beyond their control, like how their body is developing, who just want to have a good, fun, enjoyable, safe, happy childhood and make happy childhood memories.

Additionally, if you want to normalize that girls' bodies are all different no matter the size or shape and stop body shaming that leads to eating disorders and other emotional and mental health issues- stop body shaming girls who's bodies are different than yours... It causes lots of emotional and mental health issues.

To anyone who is trans and reading this; Please remember that blood doesn't make family, and that when you set out on your own, you have more say over who you let into your life. Please remember that there are others that support you, even if they aren't the ones closest to you right now. Please remember that you are amazing. Please remember that you are loved. 

My voice may be small, and posting here isn't going to change anything, but I thought someone might have needed to hear something today.

(Note that I am not discounting them being trans- they have more background based obstacles because of it, only pointing out that trans girls should be treated as girls, since that's how they identify.) 

Ok, my rant is over. I’ve been pissed about this all day, and trying to write this to post, but things kept happening that prevented me from finishing it (such is the way of work lol).

If anyone doesn't like what I have to say, I politely ask you to continue past.

#let trans girls play sports if they want to! #Pissed off about this #trans support #fuck those fucking fuckers #rant...

[talvin-muircastle]

Am I Queer? It’s Controversial.

This is going to be long, and it’s going to cover a lot of ground, so please bear with me.  

Recently, this article came to my attention:

https://www.healthline.com/health/gender-nonconforming

I have spent a fair amount of time questioning my own sexuality/identity, and having it questioned by others.  Now approaching five full decades of life, I feel comfortable saying:

I identify as Male, and Straight.

I am Gender Non-Conforming by the standards of the culture I come from.

But I am not comfortable saying this qualifies me as “Queer” or otherwise under LGBTQIA+.   

That article (which is by no means the Last Word on the subject) identifies several areas where I do not conform to my AMAB status as culturally defined:

I have long hair.  But I also have a thick beard and moustache, and I like that combination.  Still, I grew up in a place where long hair on a guy meant you were A) Queer or B) into Heavy Metal.   Even though my teen years saw me sporting a military-style buzzcut more often than not, I tended to hang out with the Metalheads.  My long hair continues to be a point of contention with my conservative relatives and in-laws.   Some of them think I am a Hippie, which is funny because I am allergic to Cannabis.  Wanna watch me fight for breath and puke?  Blow weed smoke in my face.  

I am a Stay-At-Home Dad and Homemaker.  I have been the breadwinner for this family, but that is not part of my identity.  I am quite content to let my wife handle that part of things, and so is she.  I have been a Dad longer than I have been a father, in fact:  for most of my life I have been mentoring teenagers that find their way to me seeking advice, comfort, acceptance, and guidance.    I spent a lot of time worrying about what career should I follow, and it took me far too long to understand and accept that Dad was what I was after.  A woman seeking motherhood as a career is validated, a man seeking fatherhood in the same context is not conforming.  

When I was younger, I got hit with one hell of a double-standard: while wanting to be a Dad as a goal is not acceptable, I was supposed to go out there and sow my wild oats.  OK, I wasn’t really supposed to get girls pregnant, but I was supposed to try.  Wait, what? Try that again?  OK, if you were a teenaged boy in the 80s and 90s and I am pretty sure before that (not sure after, AIDS changed a lot of thinking all around), you were not supposed to get a girl pregnant, but you were supposed to make an attempt as often as possible, in fact you were supposed to score but fail.  If you are confused, don’t feel bad: I was living steeped in this paradox 24/7/365 and came out of it real confused.

Meanwhile, I was looking for a long-term, meaningful relationship with a woman who could be a partner in my life, and avoiding the one-night stands I was supposed to be after according to the standards of my culture, and so many of the people around me—parents, teachers, peers—decided that I must be Queer.  And that was Not A Good Classification To Find Yourself In in Rural Tennessee of the 80’s and 90’s.   Lacking real support, I entered adulthood like a trainwreck still skidding down the tracks, confused as hell and desperately trying to please people whose opinions mattered to me far more than they should.  I did finally find that relationship, and we celebrate 21 years of marriage this month.  Meanwhile I can’t keep track of who has gotten divorced and remarried from that crowd anymore.   

I am not a fan of American Football.  (I am not a fan of soccer, which is football to the rest of the world, but that’s not going to get you labeled Queer in the USA as yet.)   Even so, I got recruited to be the Football Manager for my high school football team, and then I spent several years studying to be an Athletic Trainer in college as an add-on to my English and Education degree.  The fact that I spent 7 years of my life on the sidelines of football games (and basketball, and baseball) and still do not really understand the rules of those sports should have been a clear sign to me that I was trying to conform and failing badly.  An American Male of my generation is supposed to like these things, he is supposed to scream at the television or scream from the stands when watching a game, he is supposed to have a Favorite Team and Wear Their Stuff.

Yeah, that’s not me.  I don’t like combative sports.  I like things that involve grace, beauty, and art.   Figure skating (either gender, singles, but especially pairs) is fun to watch.  The more artistic of gymnastics events are nice (uneven bars and vault are kinda boring, but I love watching floor exercise.)  Watching someone do tricks on a skateboard is more interesting to me than an MMA bout.  I enjoy the art of it.   I used to watch WWF Wrestling as a kid, but I found I enjoyed the “story” more than the violence.  Martial arts practice that is done like a dance is more interesting than watching two people try to kick each other in the face for real.   

I’m told I am supposed to like these things.  I am told that not liking them makes me less masculine.  

This extends into online gaming as well.  Oh, I like some combat games.  We aren’t going to talk about how many hours I have played the XCOM series.  But…I don’t like PVP or multiplayer. I like the story arc, and accomplishing things.  Minecraft?  I like building, and killing mobs is very secondary to that.  In single-player I usually just go peaceful mode and explore the world, build grand railways and tunnels, create comfortable houses or make a home under a lake with a glass roof under the water.  In World of Warcraft I spent more time exploring the world and getting cool screenshots than worrying about getting Phat Loot and XP.  I would take a whole afternoon just to escort a couple of new players through dangerous territory so they could find their friends.  

I have gotten a lot of grief over that.  I am supposed to go out and kill kill kill stab stab stab get the loot!  

And I am supposed to get more than the other person.  It’s competition.  Men are supposed to compete.  And if you can’t get more than the other guy you go dump buckets of lava on his house and laugh at the noob.  

I hate that.  

By the standards I was raised with, I am gender nonconforming.  I most definitely do not conform to the expectations that were laid upon me from my youth.

Does that make me Queer?   I am not comfortable claiming that.

The standards I was held to can also be considered Toxic Masculinity.  They hold that Queer==Less Of A Man.  “Queer” is not “Less.”  I was raised to think it is, but I have learned, and grown, and I know that it is not.  I also do not accept that I, myself, am Less.  The very premise of me being labeled Queer by those people is wrong on all counts.   I am different. I have always known that.  I believe that “Man” and “Male” can encompass more than violence, bullying, and competition.  I also know full well that many who identify as “Woman” and “Female” embrace those as ideals as well.  

I am no stranger to violence.  My life has often been violent.  I have fought off muggers who were armed with knives, I have stared down the barrel of a gun, I have been beaten because someone else wanted to establish himself as the dominant male in our school just after he moved there.  I am not a pacifist: the only reason I have not killed another human being in self-defense is because I was outnumbered.   I just don’t feel that defines my gender, and I have been told it should.  I fight to survive and to protect others, not to prove that I can.  

Others who look like me are guarding statues of Columbus with their Assault Rifles because they feel their masculinity is threatened.  This is another area where I do not conform to my expected gender roles.   Not only do I not feel my masculinity is threatened by BLM, or Pride, or the existence of Trans folks, I no longer feel my masculinity can be threatened.  I spent so many years under attack from “my” side, and gotten so much support from “their” side, that I now understand that my gender is not about what THEY think.  It is MY identity. I OWN it.  I am who I am regardless of their perception of me. Nothing someone else does can take that from me. 

And if anything about me is Queer, it is that: the understanding that my identity belongs to me and not to those who seek to mislabel me.  

I have been told by some in the Queer community that I am welcome among them, and I am grateful for that.  So, so many of my stories can be prefaced with, “There I was, the only Straight Guy in the room, when:”  I am proud to be an Ally.  

But calling myself Queer?  I’m not comfortable doing that.  I could, and I know some who would accept it.  But I feel it is more important to me to break the toxic definition of Masculinity and show that things like nurturing, caring, creating, dancing, loving, uplifting, and oh yes parenting, these ARE Male Qualities, always have been, and should always be.   No criticism of GNC folks who take the Queer label intended or implied: they are not Less, they own their own identity, they are valid.   They are themselves, and have a right to be. 

I am me.

I am a Man.

I will never be the Man they wanted me to be, and I am PROUD of that. 

Happy Pride Month.  

Don’t let the bastards get you down.

#lgbt #lgbtq #pride month

[thisiskatsblog]

Soup, Sex and Sun Salutations

Fixed it!

[Note: all it took was some copypasting - just the italics are mine]

“We had the chance to sit down over some miso soup with Harry Styles. We didn’t talk about his new album at all but were charmed by the way he challenges gender norms and by what he had to say about sexuality, his female fans, feminism, while male privilege, toxic masculinity, his publicity relationship stunts, and how meditation and yoga have helped him deal with it all. ”

Challenging gender norms

He’s got a white floppy hat that Diana Ross might have won from Elton in a poker game at Cher’s mansion circa 1974.

His nail polish is pink and mint green.

He’s also carrying his purse — no other word for it.

He hosted the Met Gala with Lady Gaga, Serena Williams, Alessandro Michele, and Anna Wintour serving an eyebrow-raising black lace red-carpet look.

He is the official face of a designer genderless fragrance, Gucci’s Mémoire d’une Odeur.

Harry said in his speech (note: for Stevie Nicks). “She knows what you need: advice, a little wisdom, a blouse, a shawl.” He added, “She’s responsible for more running mascara — including my own — than all the bad dates in history.”

Refusing to put a label on his sexuality

Harry likes to cultivate an aura of sexual ambiguity, as overt as the pink polish on his nails. 

He’s asking questions about culture, gender, identity, new ideas about masculinity and sexuality.

He’s dated women throughout his life as a public figure, yet he has consistently refused to put any kind of label on his sexuality

On his first solo tour, he frequently waved the pride, bi, and trans flags, along with the Black Lives Matter flag. In Philly, he waved a rainbow flag he borrowed from a fan up front: “Make America Gay Again.” One of the live fan favorites: “Medicine,” a guitar jam that sounds a bit like the Grateful Dead circa Europe ’72, but with a flamboyantly pansexual hook: “The boys and girls are in/I mess around with them/And I’m OK with it.

He’s always had a flair for flourishes like this, since the 1D days. An iconic clip from November 2014: Harry and Liam are on a U.K. chat show. The host asks the oldest boy-band fan-bait question in the book: What do they look for in a date? “Female,” Liam quips. “That’s a good trait.” Harry shrugs. “Not that important.” Liam is taken aback. The host is in shock. On tour in the U.S. that year, he wore a Michael Sam football jersey, in support of the first openly gay player drafted by an NFL team. He’s blown up previously unknown queer artists like King Princess and Muna

His worst fears

“While I was in the band,” he says, I felt so much weight in terms of not getting things wrong. I remember when I signed my record deal and I asked my manager, ‘What happens if I get arrested? Does it mean the contract is null and void?’ ”

About Rainbow Direction 

“Now, I feel like the fans have given me an environment to be myself and grow up and create this safe space to learn and make mistakes”

“It’s a room full of accepting people.… If you’re someone who feels like an outsider, you’re not always in a big crowd like that,” he says. 

At one of his earliest solo shows, in Stockholm, he announced, “If you are black, if you are white, if you are gay, if you are straight, if you are transgender — whoever you are, whoever you want to be, I support you. I love every single one of you.

What do those flags onstage mean to him? “I want to make people feel comfortable being whatever they want to be,” he says. “Maybe at a show you can have a moment of knowing that you’re not alone.”

“To me, the greatest thing about the tour was that the room became the show,” he says. “It’s not just me.” 

About vulnerability, toxic masculinity, and meditation

“I’m discovering how much better it makes me feel to be open with friends. Feeling that vulnerability, rather than holding everything in”

“I feel pretty lucky to have a group of friends who are guys who would talk about their emotions and be really open,” he says. “My friend’s dad said to me, ‘You guys are so much better at it than we are. I never had friends I could really talk to. It’s good that you guys have each other because you talk about real shit. We just didn’t.’”

“I was such a skeptic going in,” he says. “But I think meditation has helped with worrying about the future less, and the past less. I feel like I take a lot more in—things that used to pass by me because I was always rushing around. It’s part of being more open and talking with friends. It’s not always the easiest to go in a room and say, ‘I made a mistake and it made me feel like this, and then I cried a bunch.’ But that moment where you really let yourself be in that zone of being vulnerable, you reach this feeling of openness. That’s when you feel like, ‘Oh, I’m fucking living, man.’”

Doesn’t this ambiguous sexuality clash with his public image?

He’s dated [a string of high-profile] women throughout his life as a public figure, yet he has consistently refused to put any kind of label on his sexuality - [and] he never gets caught uttering any of their names in public.

We’re off to the pub,” he tells his mom. “We’re going to talk some shop.” She smiles sweetly. “Talk some shit, probably,” says Anne.

“It’s not like I’ve ever sat and done an interview and said, ‘So I was in a relationship, and this is what happened,’” he says. “Because, for me, music is where I let that cross over. It’s the only place, strangely, where it feels right to let that cross over.”

So how does he feel about the industry?

“Only a city as narcissistic as L.A. would have a street called Los Angeles Street,” he says.

About his female fans, and about feminism

He’s always had a fervent female fandom, and, admirably, he’s never felt a need to pretend he doesn’t love it that way. “They’re the most honest — especially if you’re talking about teenage girls, but older as well,” he says. “They have that bullshit detector. You want honest people as your audience. We’re so past that dumb outdated narrative of ‘Oh, these people are girls, so they don’t know what they’re talking about.’ They’re the ones who know what they’re talking about. They’re the people who listen obsessively. They fucking own this shit. They’re running it.”

“To me, the greatest thing about the tour was that the room became the show,” he says. “It’s not just me.” He sips his tea. “I’m just a boy, standing in front of a room, asking them to bear with him.”

He doesn’t have the uptightness some people have about sexual politics, or about identifying as a feminist. “I think ultimately feminism is thinking that men and women should be equal, right? People think that if you say ‘I’m a feminist,’ it means you think men should burn in hell and women should trample on their necks. No, you think women should be equal. That doesn’t feel like a crazy thing to me. I grew up with my mum and my sister — when you grow up around women, your female influence is just bigger. Of course men and women should be equal. I don’t want a lot of credit for being a feminist. It’s pretty simple. I think the ideals of feminism are pretty straightforward.”

About white male privilege

“It’s not about, ‘Oh, I get what it’s like,’ because I don’t. For example, I go walking at night before bed most of the time. I was talking about that with a female friend and she said, ‘Do you feel safe doing that?’ And I do. But when I walk, I’m more aware that I feel OK to walk at night, and some of my friends wouldn’t. I’m not saying I know what it feels like to go through that. It’s just being aware.”   

I’m aware that as a white male, I don’t go through the same things as a lot of the people that come to the shows. I can’t claim that I know what it’s like, because I don’t. So I’m not trying to say, ‘I understand what it’s like.’ I’m just trying to make people feel included and seen.”

On tour, he had an End Gun Violence sticker on his guitar; he added a Black Lives Matter sticker, as well as the flag. “It’s not about me trying to champion the cause, because I’m not the person to do that,” he says. “It’s just about not ignoring it, I guess. I was a little nervous to do that because the last thing I wanted was for it to feel like I was saying, ‘Look at me! I’m the good guy!’ I didn’t want anyone who was really involved in the movement to think, ‘What the fuck do you know?’ But then when I did it, I realized people got it. Everyone in that room is on the same page and everyone knows what I stand for. I’m not saying I understand how it feels. I’m just trying to say, ‘I see you.’”

Heartbreak and loss

As Stevie starts to sing “Landslide” — “I’ve been afraid of changing, because I built my life around youuuu” — Anne walks over to where Harry sits. She crouches down behind him, reaches her arms around him tightly. Neither of them says a word. They listen together and hold each other close to the very end of the song. Everybody in Wembley is singing along with Stevie, but these two are in a world of their own.

[Note: I doubted a bit whether to include that last part, but then I did, because this HS2 is apparently an album about sadness, and the description of that moment reminded me painfully of the real heartbreak and sadness Harry and Anne have had to deal with in recent years. So here’s a little shoutout to Anne who lost Robin, so recently still. Wishing her all the courage to continue building her life without him at the center of it. We love you.]

#harry styles #rolling stone #soup sex and sun salutations #press #stunts #rainbow direction #feminism #gender #privilege #toxic masculinity #gender norms #gender identity #sexuality #closet #shady shit #fuck modest #fuck syco #relevant #also #what if i get arrested #oh baby #please let me hug you #contracts #gun violence #black lives matter #so glad he addressed why it took him a bit more time to take that on #bullshit #thanks for that gem of a reference #and for the little shoutout to #older fans

[lastsonlost]

Aziz? redemption ?

AZIZ DIDN’T FUCKING DO ANY GOD DAMN THING WRONG!!!!!!

God, I love being white,” said Louis C.K.

“Here’s how great it is to be white,” the comedian went on: “I could get in a time machine, and go to any time, and it would be fucking awesome when I get there. That is exclusively a white privilege.”

The bit, part of his 2008 special Chewed Up, was emblematic of C.K.’s approach: poking fun at the inequalities of American society, while simultaneously acknowledging the ways they benefited him.

Contrast that with a set he performed in December 2018, a little over a year after he admitted to masturbating in front of women without their consent. During the December appearance, apparently at a comedy club on Long Island, C.K. joked that Asian men are “all women” and poked fun at school shooting survivors and gender-nonconforming teenagers, according to BuzzFeed News.

“They tell you what to call them,” he complained of teens who use the pronouns they/them. “Oh, OK. You should address me as ‘there’ because I identify as a location. And the location is your mother’s cunt.”

Imagine thinking the best way to resurrect your career after admitting to sexual misconduct is to mock trans people and Parkland gun violence survivors.

2018, during which his standup special and the wide release of his film I Love You, Daddy were canceled, seems to have wrought a change in C.K. Where once his comedy offered a fresh look at established power structures, he now seems set on ranting about kids today and their pronoun choices.

Fellow comedian Aziz Ansari has followed a similar trajectory. He once decried sexual harassment in his act — and addressed the issue in a nuanced way on his show Master of None. But in 2017, a woman told the website Babe.net that he had pressured her for sex — Ansari said he had believed everything that happened between them was “completely consensual,” and that he was “surprised and concerned” by her account. 

After the incident, his comedy took on a different tone: In a fall 2018 appearance, he made fun of online debates about cultural appropriation and complained that nowadays, “everyone weighs in on everything,” according to the New Yorker.

The bigotry in C.K.’s set is disturbing, especially coming from someone who seemed at one time to have a relatively clear understanding of how power works in America. But what is also striking about C.K. and Ansari’s post-#MeToo material is its banality. Before they were publicly accused, these men wrestled with thorny questions of identity and power in ways that, while not always satisfying, were usually thought-provoking. After the allegations, they began parroting tired complaints about political correctness.

Of the many people accused of sexual misconduct as part of the #MeToo movement, C.K. and Ansari seemed like they might be uniquely equipped to reckon with the allegations against them, perhaps even adding something to the public conversation around #MeToo. Instead, they have retreated into boring and offensive stereotypes, perhaps playing to those who never thought they did anything wrong.

We’re all worse off for their decision, missing out on the art C.K. and Ansari might have created if they’d been willing to really face their accusations, and robbed of the opportunity to see two intelligent and thoughtful men really wrestle with the implications of #MeToo. In a time when more and more of the accused mull their comebacks, it’s natural to wonder what real redemption — complete with an acknowledgment of harm and a commitment to atonement — might look like. Apparently, Louis C.K. and Aziz Ansari will not be the ones to show us.

Louis C.K. used to talk about violence against women. Now he makes fun of genderqueer teens.

Before #MeToo, Louis C.K. was beloved by many for his often self-lacerating comedy. In his standup and on the autobiographical FX show Louie, he portrayed himself as a sad-sack weirdo disturbed by his own sexual urges — he once called himself a “prisoner” of “sexual perversion.”

C.K.’s work could be offensive, as when he complained that he missed being able to use a homophobic slur (and claimed, unconvincingly, that the way he used it had nothing to do with homophobia). But some hailed his comedy as feminist, and he showed a remarkable ability to mine humor from the dangers and biases women face — a difficult feat for a male comic.

“How do women still go out with guys when you consider that there is no greater threat to women than men?” he asked in a 2013 special. “We’re the number one threat to women! Globally and historically, we’re the number one cause of injury and mayhem to women.”

But C.K. was also the subject of long-simmering sexual misconduct rumors — and in November 2017, four women told the New York Times that he had masturbated in front of them or asked them to watch him masturbate (a fifth said that he masturbated while on a phone call with her).

In a move that remains unusual among men accused as part of #MeToo, C.K. admitted to the allegations against him. “These stories are true,” he said in a statement to the New York Times.

“I have spent my long and lucky career talking and saying anything I want,” he added. “I will now step back and take a long time to listen.”

But as many have pointed out, the listening didn’t last very long. C.K. was back onstage in September 2018, less than a year after his pledge to step back. In an October appearance at the West Side Comedy Club in New York, he addressed the fallout from his sexual misconduct revelations, saying he’d been to “hell and back” and that he’d “lost $35 million in an hour.”

While many were critical of C.K.’s comeback attempt, West Side Comedy Club host AMarie Castillo told the comedy website LaughSpin that the comic “was so genuine and reflected on how weird his year was” in his October appearance. “Sounds to me he is owning up, acknowledging, and trying to figure it out,” she said.

But in a December set, he didn’t sound much like someone trying to figure anything out. In audio posted on YouTube, apparently from an appearance at the Governor’s Comedy Club on Long Island on December 16, C.K. poked fun at gender-nonconforming youth, Parkland school shooting survivors, and Asian men, among other groups. (The club was unable to confirm to BuzzFeed that C.K. was there that night, though multiple people posted on Instagram that they had seen him perform there.)

“You know why Asian guys have small dicks,” he said at one point, according to Patrick Smith and Amber Jamieson of BuzzFeed. “’Cause they’re women. They’re not dudes. They’re all women. All Asians are women.”

C.K. also said he thought it was ridiculous that the term “retarded” was now viewed as inappropriate, Smith and Jamieson reported. When some listeners appeared shocked, he responded, “Fuck it, what are you going to take away, my birthday? My life is over, I don’t give a shit.”

C.K. has not responded to a request for comment from Vox.

Aziz Ansari once included a sexual harassment storyline on his show. Now he’s complaining about Twitter outrage.

Ansari’s comedy has always been more lighthearted than C.K.’s, but he hasn’t shied away from difficult topics. In a 2015 Netflix special filmed at New York’s Madison Square Garden, he asked women in the audience to raise their hands if they’d ever been followed by a “creepy dude,” according to Eren Orbey at the New Yorker.

“Yeah, that’s way too many people,” he said when hands went up. “That should not be happening.”

The second season of his Netflix show, Master of None, also included a storyline about sexual misconduct. Ansari’s character, Dev, teams up with celebrity chef Jeff Pastore (Bobby Cannavale) for a show called Best Food Friends. But Dev is forced to make a choice when a female crew member reveals that Chef Jeff repeatedly harassed her. The episode, which aired before #MeToo gained steam in fall 2017, felt true to life, as Isha Aran pointed out at Splinter, “from the fears victims face in going public to the misogynist skepticism they’re met with when they share their stories.”

But in January 2018, a woman going by the name Grace told the website Babe.net that Ansari had repeatedly pressured her for sex while the two were on a date. She called it “by far the worst experience with a man I’ve ever had.”

“We went out to dinner, and afterwards we ended up engaging in sexual activity, which by all indications was completely consensual,” Ansari said in a statement on the allegations last January. “The next day, I got a text from her saying that although ‘it may have seemed okay,’ upon further reflection, she felt uncomfortable. It was true that everything did seem okay to me, so when I heard that it was not the case for her, I was surprised and concerned.”

“I continue to support the movement that is happening in our culture,” Ansari concluded, presumably referring to #MeToo. “It is necessary and long overdue.”

By fall 2018, however, his tone sounded different. In a Connecticut stop on his “Working Out New Material” comeback tour, he complained about Twitter users debating whether a teenager’s prom dress constituted cultural appropriation, according to Orbey.

“Everyone weighs in on everything,” he said. “They don’t know anything. People don’t wanna just say, ‘I don’t know.’”

He also decried “the destructive performativity of Internet activism and the fickle, ever-changing standards of political correctness,” according to Orbey. He compared left-wing Twitter users to Trump supporters (“at least with the Trump people,” he said, “I kinda know where they stand”) and accused them of competing with one another in a game of “Progressive Candy Crush.”

“One might have hoped that, nearly a year later, [Ansari] could find a way to reckon with one of the movement’s messiest lessons: that even men who wish to serve as allies of women can, intentionally or not, hurt them in private,” Orbey wrote. “Instead, like other men who have reëmerged in recent months, he seems to have channelled his experience into a diffuse bitterness.”

Ansari has not responded to Vox’s request for comment.

If C.K. and Ansari can’t reckon with the allegations against them, can anyone?

Allegations of sexual misconduct against C.K. and Ansari hit fans hard in part because of the thoughtful nature of their comedy — these were supposed to be the good guys.

The accusations prompted fans and critics to reevaluate both men’s work. At Splinter, Aran notes that despite its sexual harassment storyline, Master of None’s second season displays some underlying misogyny. Dev’s relationship with love interest Francesca, in particular, sends the message “that a woman’s initial reluctance can be chipped away at, that indifference is a wall to be torn down.”

C.K., meanwhile, had been telling masturbation jokes for years. As Melena Ryzik, Cara Buckley, and Jodi Kantor reported at the New York Times, “he rose to fame in part by appearing to be candid about his flaws and sexual hang-ups, discussing and miming masturbation extensively in his act — an exaggerated riff that some of the women feel may have served as a cover for real misconduct.” His film I Love You, Daddy, which was initially scheduled for release in November 2017, dealt with a relationship between a famous filmmaker and a 17-year-old girl.

And C.K.’s December set does recall some of his earlier work — the man who complained about teens today and their pronouns is clearly the same one, for instance, who expressed nostalgia for a time when he could use homophobic slurs without being criticized.

Still, C.K. and Ansari were somewhat unusual as male entertainers willing to delve into issues of power and privilege and talk about the ways men hurt women.

That’s what makes their current material so surprising. Ansari and C.K. aren’t just avoiding the subject of #MeToo — they’re going in the opposite direction, complaining about political correctness and outrage culture when their comedy once sent the message that women were absolutely right to be outraged.

Their new work is reactionary — crude jokes about Asian men wouldn’t be out of place at a Trump rally — and it’s dated. C.K.’s complaints about they/them pronouns aren’t just offensive; they’re also tired, well-worn platitudes parroted by everyone from psychologist Jordan Peterson to TV host Piers Morgan. C.K. may think his new material is edgy, but his rant about young people today sounds like it could come from Grandpa Simpson.

Some have speculated that C.K. is consciously courting a more right-leaning audience with his new material after losing the trust of his previous fans, and it’s certainly possible that he and Ansari are pivoting to please the people who were eager to explain away the allegations against them — those who think sexual misconduct only matters if it rises to the level of the allegations against Harvey Weinstein, or who believe that men who are accused deserve swift and unconditional forgiveness.

Whatever the case, the trajectories of C.K. and Ansari are doubly disappointing — first, because men whose work had a feminist bent were accused of hurting women, and second, because they let those accusations destroy the nuanced social awareness their earlier work displayed. Apparently, C.K. and Ansari were only interested in challenging the status quo when they remained unchallenged — once women spoke out against them, they performed the comedic equivalent of packing up their toys and going home.

That’s sad for all of us. We don’t get to see the comedy these men could have created if they’d wanted to face, rather than flee from, our current moment in history. And we don’t get to see two thoughtful entertainers bring their talents to bear on a project that matters to all of us — figuring out what it should look like for men accused as part of #MeToo to apologize, atone, and move forward.

Ever since the #MeToo movement gained mainstream attention in 2017, there’s been a lot of talk about what accused men can do to redeem themselves. Now, more than a year in, it’s certainly possible to imagine some of the accused truly reckoning with their pasts — Dan Harmon’s apology for sexually harassing a writer on his show offers a view of what that might look like. But it’s hard to hold out much hope for such a reckoning on a large scale when two men who seemed like they, of all people, might be able to look deeply at their own behavior have instead chosen to pander to those who would excuse them.

______________________

AZIZ DIDN’T FUCKING DO ANY GOD DAMN THING WRONG!!!!!!

[lyricdissonance]

odds please! for ask thing

1. How do you define your sexuality?i’m bisexual, i also identify as queer3. At what age did you first suspect that you are sexually attracted to other girls?first started realizing i “like like” girls instead of just “like” at 15 I believe?5. Did you have an “aha I like girls” moment or was it more of a gradual realization?gradual realization, i had a whole lot of female actresses and musicians i really admired and then realized i was also attracted to them. then i kinda brushed that aside for a while, thinking that my celeb crushes didn’t count as real crushes, before i also got crushes on girls i knew irl which made me realize i definitely wasn’t straight7. How did you become comfortable with your sexuality?reading posts by bi bloggers on here helped a whole lot, they made me realize that i didn’t have to fit a narrow definition to be “allowed” to call myself bisexual. and as someone who grew up in a conservative environment, i probably wouldn’t have discovered my sexuality when i did without tumblr since i’d never been told before that it was ok to not be straight, and i thank the internet for showing me there are other ways to live life

9. Who was the first person you came out to? How did they take it?it was by text message to a male friend who was the only other bi person i really knew at the time. he was super supportive and we haven’t talked in a while but i’d love to catch up with him someday11. How out are you?out to friends and two family members, but closeted to most of my family. which means i can be gay on tumblr and twitter but not instagram and facebook. funny how that happens13. Was anyone surprised when you came out or did people seem to already know?a few people have been surprised, but these days when i meet someone new i prefer to casually mention my sexuality rather than do a real “coming out” and i don’t normally get any reaction from that15. How soon after meeting someone do you usually tell them about your sexuality?like the last answer, if i feel like i can trust them i’ll just try to slip it into conversation. i don’t have a timeline for when i do it though, it’s just whenever i feel ok doing it17. Have you ever wished you were completely straight?not so much that as just wishing my sexuality could be not a big deal. i’d love to be out to everyone but i know it would cause problems in a lot of my family relationships19. If you are not a lesbian, about what percentage of the time do you find yourself attracted to other girls?i gave up using percentages a while ago but i’m attracted to men and women about the same amount overall21. How often do you find yourself trying to sneak a peek or stare at a cute girl?only all the time because girls are Too Cute to not do that

23. What is your current relationship status?

single af

25. Do you remember anything about the first time you kissed another girl?i’ve kissed one person and she was nonbinary, we were hanging out in her dorm common room when she went for a kiss on the cheek and i was like “well we might as well do one on the lips too”27. What is your ideal first date?wherever we go i want us to be having fun! i love going out for food or drinks but if we don’t have a connection then it’s just us staring at our plates so there’s always that risk of it being too awkward. i’d love for us to try something new where we can talk and laugh while getting to know each other29. How flirty are you?i’m the certified worst at flirting. i’m trying to be more confident but my idea of flirting right now is staring across the room31 Do you want have children someday?no but i want to volunteer with children someday and do something to help make their lives better33. How often are you asked if you have a boyfriend?not often, i think my family is used to me saying no by now lmao35. Have you ever been on your period the same time as a girlfriend?nope (see above, single af)37. Have you ever been in a long distance relationship?nope39. Has a girl ever dumped you for a guy? Have you?nope and nope41. Have you ever had a crush on a straight girl?oh yes43. Would you ever date a trans woman?absolutely45. Where do you think is the best place to meet a potential lover?

a wendy’s parking lot in upstate new york 

somewhere where you can meet people who have a common interest, like a bookstore or a dance class or an lgbt event. but the romantic in me wants to believe that the love of my life could be found anywhere

47. Have you ever cut your hair super short? If not, would you ever want to?have not but would love to! even if i don’t like it i want to be able to say i tried it49. What is your opinion on septum/bull nose piercings?don’t want one for myself, but i think they’re cute51. How muscular are you?not very53. Have you ever been told that you don’t look gay, or that you’re too pretty to be gay?

hasn’t happened to me

55. Do you wear skirts and dresses? If so, how often?i may not consider myself very feminine but i do love how skirts and dresses look on me. so like once or twice a week on average?57. How much jewelry do you typically wear?i go without it a lot but i like wearing a piece of statement jewelry when i think an outfit needs it59. How often do you wear a bra?almost always when i go out, but home is a No Bra Zone61. Have you ever worn a suit?nope but i’d try it!63. Do you carry a purse?yep, i find it convenient to have all my stuff with me65. Have you ever worn any men’s clothing?because of my body shape finding men’s clothes that fit well is Hard but i’ve worn men’s shirts on occasion67. Have you ever shared clothes with a girlfriend?

no but i like this idea so cute girls who are my size please hmu

69. Who is your favorite LGBT celebrity?my faves include freddie mercury, janelle monae, st. vincent, and lady gaga71. Have you ever watched Will & Grace?nope73. How well do you feel LGBT women are portrayed on television?i’d like for us to survive to the end of the show for one thing. and not be overly sexualized. i’m glad that we’re seeing more positive and happy depictions like on b99 but we could always use more75. Do you watch any LGBT YouTubers?tbh i don’t really follow any youtubers77. Do you have a favorite LGBT themed blog or website?i follow a lot of gay blogs on here, too many to choose a favorite. and i really like autostraddle.com79. Have you read any LGBT themed literature? If so, do you have any recommendations?

i really need to start reading more lgbt lit, but shoutout to the misfits by james howe which was the first time i ever encountered gay characters in literature. i think it’s important that that book showed a gay boy who was unashamed about liking feminine things and had friends who supported him. i know my young mind was opened a little after i read it. and now that i’m looking it up again it turns out the author is gay which makes it even better!

81. Boobs or butts?Certified Boob Lover (tm)83. Ellen or Portia?

probs ellen

85. Have you ever been to a gay bar or a gay club?no but there’s a gay club that’s popular w people at my school that is on my list! 87. Do you have any LGBT relatives?my sister, no others that i know of89. How outdoorsy are you?i’m definitely more outdoorsy than i used to be! i’ve learned to enjoy a bit of hiking, kayaking, and exploring but i still don’t do well with heat and bugs lol91. How many rainbow items do you own?one rainbow rubber bracelet, and a couple of bi pride items93. Have you ever participated in the National Day of Silence?no, as far as i know it was never a big thing at my school? i knew one or two people who did it95. Have you ever attended a PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) meeting?no, i’m kinda curious about what a meeting would be like tho97. Have you ever been part of a softball team?nope99. Do you play any video games?

well i used to be a hardcore nintendogs player back in the day

101. (on a scale of 1-10, how attractive are...) Women who wear glasses?glasses on girls are GR8 - 10/10103. Women who are covered with piercings?kinda neutral on this, i support women getting the piercings they want but "covered with piercings” isn’t really something i look for in a person - 6/10105. Women with short hair?if you have short hair i am guaranteed gay for you - 10/10107. Tall women (i.e. around 1.83 meters/6 feet or taller)?

*wearing a shirt that says I

109. What does equality mean to you?to me it means i’m treated the same as anyone else and i have all the same opportunites111. Do you eat meat at all?yes113. How do you feel about the terms “woman crush” and “girl crush”?i find them harmful to girls trying to figure out their sexuality bc the implication of a “girl crush” is that all women have crushes on women and that it shouldn’t be taken as serious attraction. that being said i think a not-insignificant amount of women who say stuff like that just haven’t realized yet that they are attracted to women (i was one of them whoops) and i hope we can find ways to talk about the “girl crush” problem that leave room for questioning people to talk about their feelings115. How do you feel when people use the word gay to mean things such as stupid, dumb, boring, or idiotic?i hardly ever hear it anymore but i don’t like it117. What are your views on gender identity and bathroom use?everyone should be able to use the bathroom that they feel safest and most comfortable in, gender neutral bathrooms need to be everywhere, and any lawmakers who want to get in the way of that can fuck outta here119. Have you ever been called a gay slur?nope121. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your sexuality or gender identity? If so, please explain.not like, personally, but the number of people who have said in my presence that they “don’t believe” in bisexuality is Too High123. Americans: How did you feel on June 26, 2015?it was really incredible, i’d been watching as state by state (including my own) had legalized same-sex marriage and suddenly it was all across america. seeing all the love and happiness being poured out on that day was amazing125. Have you ever tried to “pray the gay away”?luckily i’ve never been there, but it breaks my heart to think about people going through that127. What LGBT stereotype do you most disagree with?"bi women are just doing it for male attention” excuse you i’m clearly doing it in the hopes that jenna coleman will fly to the states and elope with me get your facts right129. What advice would you give to a girl who is struggling to figure out her sexuality?

take your time! you don’t have to 100% understand your feelings but please let yourself feel what you feel and remember you are not alone. and i want to be here for questioning girls the same way that other people were there for me when i was questioning so if you need someone to talk to i am always here.

#thanks anon!!! <3 #wlwask #Anonymous #ask

[parkerbutch]

Carol and Laura

What I love about them: That they’re both such individual people in their own right is really appealing. When saving the day Carol is focused, but she still keeps her sense of humor throughout and I love that. Laura is more serious but not necessarily stern; she’s more of the calm focused type but she’ll surprise you with a wise crack when she can. There’s probably a better answer to be said here but I just like both of their personalities even though comparatively they’re pretty different. What I hate about them: Carol always seems to find herself on the wrong side for no reason like girl, what you doing?? Is it you or your writers; y’all need some communication. For Laura it’s not a hate thing, I just don’t get her thing with Warren? Like they never see each other and have zero chemistry; she literally just uses him as a taxi service lol what is this. Favorite Moment/Quote: First Carol thing is gonna sound bizarre ok but it’s when she found out her alien cat is, surprise! A female. And this female alien cat lays eggs; hundreds of them. I fucking died laughing how do you even get yourself in that situation?! lmao

My fckn god ok so that whole arc of Laura overcoming the trigger scent and tracking down Kimura was thrilling, but the conclusion cut down so damn deep as a long time fan of hers. It’s the moment when she’s got Kimura pinned in the water, her arch rival telling her she’s an “it” and nothing but an animal and Laura shouts back (not verbatim probably) “I’m Laura Kinney. Daughter of Sarah Kinney. Daughter of Logan. I am not a animal, I am not a thing. My name is Laura. I AM WOLVERINE!” = HOLYSHITMYDUDEOMFG it still gives me chills, it was SO DAMN REFRESHING I JUST, I JUST CAN’T. What I would like to see more focus on: Still waiting for more Carol and her bezzie Jess to hang out, and to see how she puts a diaper on a kid who can crawl walls lol. For Laura I’d love to see more how she fits in a team dynamic, or leading her little family team with Gabby, Daken, and of course Jonathan. If we got to see a glimpse of her in her everyday life without the threat of superhero nonsense, that would be pretty cute too. What I would like to see less focus on: Whatever numskull decisions in the past should be in the past for Carol. She shouldn’t be so upset over what happened to Bean but I get her regret. I hope to see her push through that.  

And Laura right now I’m happy with the arc that’s going on right now and with the writing. Sorry to cop out on this answer my dude.Favorite pairing with: Carol and me, in a romantic lesbian gay way. Laura with Jean Grey via X men red is gonna be my thing I already feel it one issue in, we’ll see how that goes over time.Favorite friendship: Carol and Jess a million times. Dorks. 

Laura and Gambit is so sweet. They’re so different but they’ve known each other for a while and Gambit has seen how Laura has grown and has helped her anyway that he can while respecting her enough to know when she can handle herself, and I feel that Laura can appreciate someone giving her that sort of trust and how much that means to her. NOTP: Carol and fucked up moral decisions. Laura and Warren (it just doesn’t feel genuine imo). Favorite headcanon: We all know Carol is a butch lesbian and we’re dating, duh. 

That Laura, amongst other wolverines, is probably trans. The parallels make sense and I support any diversity that helps people identify and relate more to a character in a positive way. 

#bobydrake

[stars--n--stripes-blog]

“Increasingly, girly boys and tomboys are being told that gender trumps sex, and if a boy is effeminate or bookish or freaked out by team sports, he may actually be a girl, and if a girl is rough and tumble, sporty, and plays with boys, she may actually be a boy,” Sullivan wrote September 20 for New York Magazine.

The cost of that pro-transgender propaganda may be huge, Sullivan wrote:

I don’t have children, but I sure worry about gay kids in this context. I remember being taunted by some other kids when I was young — they suggested that because I was mildly gender-nonconforming, I must be a girl. If my teachers and parents and doctors had adopted this new ideology, I might never have found the happiness of being gay and comfort in being male. How many gay kids, I wonder, are now being led into permanent physical damage or surgery that may be life-saving for many, but catastrophic for others, who come to realize they made a mistake. And what are gay adults doing to protect them? Nothing. Only a few ornery feminists, God bless them, are querying this.

In some ways, the extremism of the new transgender ideology also risks becoming homophobic. Instead of seeing effeminate men as one kind of masculinity, as legitimate as any other, transgenderism insists that girliness requires being a biological girl. Similarly, a tomboy is not allowed to expand the bandwidth of what being female can mean, but must be put into the category of male. In my view, this is not progressive; it’s deeply regressive. There’s a reason why Iran is a world leader in sex-reassignment surgery, and why the mullahs pay for it. Homosexuality in Iran is so anathema that gay boys must be turned into girls, and lesbian girls into boys, to conform to heterosexual norms. Sound a little too familiar?

Sullivan backs up his concerns by noting that the teenage sex-change treatment seems to be very hazardous to the physical health of the children:

In the case of merely confused or less informed kids, the consequences of [sex-change] treatment can be permanent. Many of these prepubescent trans-identifying children are put on puberty blockers, drugs that suppress a child’s normal hormonal development, and were originally designed for prostate cancer and premature puberty. The use of these drugs for gender dysphoria is off-label, unapproved by the FDA; there have been no long-term trials to gauge the safety or effectiveness of them for gender dysphoria, and the evidence we have of the side effects of these drugs in FDA-approved treatment is horrifying. Among adults, the FDA has received 24,000 reports of adverse reactions, over half of which it deemed serious. Parents are pressured into giving these drugs to their kids on the grounds that the alternative could be their child’s suicide. Imagine the toll of making a decision about your child like that?

Sullivan’s concern was echoed in an article describing how an Australian teenage girl broke away from her transgender clique by gathering the courage to declare herself a lesbian. The September 21 article in the Australian said:

Seemingly conservative, her parents couldn’t see the liberating appeal of trans. “They said, ‘Why would you say you’re not a woman? Wouldn’t it be better to defy all the expectations that are put on women, accept you’re a woman and be a good role model?’

“I remember going back to the queer group and saying, ‘Can you believe they said something so transphobic to me?’ ”

But she began flirting with her own thought crime. She took a risk, in private with a fellow queer group member she judged a friend. “I said, ‘I think it’s OK for women to be only into other women’, which you’d think in a tolerant inclusive community would be an OK thing to say.”

…

Questions and doubts came in a tumble. “It was very rapid, which was kind of scary because I felt like everything unravelled really quickly, and I think that’s somewhat common. I became really aware that I was going to lose all my friends, lose my whole [transgender] community as soon as I said I was not trans. I moved cities before I told anyone.”

The growing concerns about the radical ideology are forcing some governments to curb the use of drugs and surgery to impose “gender confirmation” on children who are too young to vote:

The Swedish Government announced today that they are putting the brakes on proposed laws reducing the minimum age for gender reassignment surgeries from 18 to 15.@Transgendertrd @cwknews  https://t.co/COaxlW6b21

— Marcus Birch (@MarcusBirch5) September 19, 2019

In the United States, President Donald Trump is changing rules and regulations to restore the clear legal and civic distinctions between the two equal, different, and complementary sexes of male and female. This policy has outraged progressive leaders and the transgender groups, and both are asking the Supreme Court to legally abolish the two sexes by declaring that people’s internal feelings of “gender” be declared as always more important than their female-or-male biological sex.

Breitbart News has extensively covered the ideological motives which explain why progressives are so eager to exploit the adults and children who say they want to change their sex, despite much evidence of the medical dangers and loneliness suffered people who try to change their sex:

The progressive authors do not urge the small number of transgender people to seek other options, for example, waiting to see if their feelings change, or perhaps accepting a gay or lesbian identity. Instead, the authors use the plight of transgender Americans to push for a government-engineered transformation of sex and human relations throughout the United States.

Progressives believe this sexual revolution is possible because they believe sexual preferences are merely a “social construct,” which can be demolished and rebuilt by government. “Sexual classification is neither natural nor universal, but rather historically and culturally specific …. [and] sexual orientation is more accurately described as fluid …  or in a constant state of (re)negotiation,” say the authors, Karen L. Blair, and Rhea Ashley Hoskin.

…

To change the public’s view that heterosexuality is the normal and best path, the pro-transgender progressives have adopted a strategy of using their allies in universities, media, and marketing to first downplay the linguistic, legal and civic distinctions between the two sexes.

For example, progressives are using the vague idea of  “gender” to bury the obvious notion of “male or female.” This rhetorical carpet-bombing has also encouraged the claim that men who live as women possess a “female penis.”

Also, progressives use outliers —  such as gay people, transgender people, or “intersex” people who have some biological attributes of the other sex, or the fact that women produce small levels of the male hormone, testosterone  — to deny the overwhelming popularity of two-sex heterosexual normality.

…

This progressives’ strategy also requires their coalition to hide or downplay facts which spotlight the importance of biological sexual differences. For example, progressives ignore the many young women and men who “detransition” by quitting their damaging efforts to become transgender, and they denounce evidence that young people who would become gays or lesbians are being “transed.”

Progressives use the near-universal sexual rejection of transgender people to justify their demand that government sneak another sexual revolution into Americans' lives & communities. The goal is ending "compulsory heterosexuality" & the "gender binary." https://t.co/En8OHnfmXA

— Neil Munro (@NeilMunroDC) September 6, 2019

Transgender Facts

In general, the transgender ideology says a person’s legal and civic recognition as a man or a woman must be determined by their “gender identity,” not by their biology.

The ideology also insists that men and women are more or less interchangeable, and it objects to the public’s view of the two sexes as simultaneously different, complementary, and equal.

The transgender advocates want to impose their ideology on Americans by establishing “transgender rights” laws, which would require the Department of Justice to penalize individuals and groups who insist that biology determines male-or-female status — and also shapes peoples’ likely political, civic, and personal priorities.

Polls show the transgender ideology is deeply unpopular, especially among women and parents. In 2017, former President Barack Obama told NPR that his promotion of the transgender ideology made it easier for Donald Trump to win the presidency.

Multiple polls show that most Americans reasonably wish to help and comfort people who think they are a member of the opposite sex, even as they also reject the transgender ideology’s claim that people’s legal sex is determined by their feeling of “gender identity,” not by biology. A U.K. survey shows a similar mix of sympathy for people who say they are transgender alongside lopsided opposition to the ideology.

The transgender movement is diverse, so its different factions have competing goals and priorities. It includes sexual liberationists, progressives, feminists who wish to blur distinctions between the two sexes, and people who glamorize the differences between the two sexes. It includes high-profile children, people who are trying to live as members of the opposite sex, troubled teenage girls trying to flee womanhood, and people trying to “detransition” back to their sex.

It also includes men who demand sex from lesbians, masculine autogynephiles who say they are entitled to women’s rights, alpha males who insist they are the natural leaders of women, parents eager to support their children’s’ transgender claims, wealthy donors, politicians, political professionals, revenue-seeking drug companies, surgeons, and medical service providers.

Transgender advocates claim that two million Americans say they are transgender to a greater or lesser extent. But very few people who describe themselves as transgender undergo cosmetic surgery of the genitals. Only about 4,118 Americans surgically altered their bodies in hospitals from 2000 to 2014 to appear like members of the opposite sex, according to a pro-transgender medical study. A Pentagon report commissioned by former Defense Secretary James Mattis said that “rates for genital surgery are exceedingly low- 2% of transgender men and 10% of transgender women.”

The progressive push to bend Americans’ attitudes and their male-and-female civic society around the idea of “gender identity” has already attacked and cracked many popular social rules. Those rules help Americans manage cooperation and competition among and between complementary, different, and equal men and women.

These pro-gender claims have an impact on different-sex bathrooms, shelters for battered women, sports leagues for girls, hiking groups for boys, K-12 curricula, university speech codes, religious freedoms, free speech, the social status of women, parents’ rights in childrearing, children’s safety, practices to help teenagers, health outcomes, women’s ideals of beauty, culture and civil society, scientific research, prison safety, civic ceremonies, school rules, men’s sense of masculinity, law enforcement, military culture, and children’s sexual privacy.

"Better to understand your sex is immutable, that you don’t need some off-the-shelf gender ID because instead you have a complex, unique personality. 'I’m not male or female,' says Sam Smith. 'I think I flow somewhere in between.' Darling, don’t we all."https://t.co/ZBaDZDyrZ3

— 4thWaveNow (@4th_WaveNow) September 22, 2019

By Neil Munro

#transgender ideology #transgender children #transmen #transwomen #mental health #*

[coochiequeens]

There are so few colleges and universities just for women and now one of them is under pressure to change its historical goal to accommodate women who want to identify out of womanhood.

Toward the end of Kendall Sanders' first year at Hollins University, a historically women's college in Roanoke, Va., the sociology major had a realization.

"My journey has been, 'Girlhood does not define me,' " Sanders says. "My womanness, my femininity does not define me."

Sanders, a senior now, is nonbinary and uses the pronouns they/them.

"I was like, I don't think I care about being a girl," they say. For someone who grew up in the Bible Belt region of Little Rock, Ark., that realization was a pretty big deal.

"I really just want to escape the binary in general, to do away with it," Sanders says. "I don't want to spend my life trying to prove that I am one gender. I want to wake up, put on some clothes, go out into my day. If you perceive me as one gender, that's OK, too. But for me, it just is what it is."

At a time when more young people, like Sanders, identify as nonbinary or transgender, admissions policies at historically women's colleges have loosened to reflect that shift.

Hollins is among the latest schools to revise its policies, explaining that the 2019 change came "in recognition of our changing world and evolving understanding of gender identity."

Yet, the school's new policy still specifically excludes nonbinary applicants.

"That's crazy," Sanders says, a view echoed by many NPR spoke with on the southwest Virginia campus.

"Consistently live and identify as women"

Under Hollins' previous policy, dating from 2007 and revised in 2013 and 2016, if a student assigned female at birth began transitioning to male while enrolled, they were required to transfer out.

Now, according to the new rules set by the board of trustees, that trans male student can remain and graduate from Hollins.

Hollins' guiding principle on admissions is that it will consider applications from those who "consistently live and identify as women." (Other historically women's colleges use virtually identical language, including Barnard, the College of St. Benedict, and Spelman.) That includes transgender women.

But the specific exclusion of nonbinary applicants seems for some to be an anachronism.

"My students at these colleges, they laugh at that, and they're like, 'What does [consistently living and identifying as women] even mean?' " says Megan Nanney, who studies gender policies at historically women's colleges, and who taught at Hollins from 2020-21. "And I'm like, 'Well, that is the question that gender studies scholars have always asked, right?' "

A proud history educating women in Virginia

Hollins is a small, tight-knit community — just about 700 undergraduates — with a campus set against the backdrop of Virginia's Blue Ridge Mountains. The school has a proud history educating women, going back to 1842, and its reputation as a finishing school for southern debutantes is long gone.

According to a promotional school slogan, "Women who are going places start at Hollins." Among the college's illustrious graduates: writers Annie Dillard and Natasha Trethewey, and photographer Sally Mann.

The school is well-known for its equestrian team, and some students bring their own horses with them to board at the campus stable.

The equine program was a big draw for first-year student Diana Combs of Bethesda, Md., who considers it a plus that Hollins is a historically women's college.

"I just feel safer overall," she says. "Especially [since] we have no frats here, which is a lot better. So, yeah, horses and all women - yeah!"

"A refuge from patriarchal structures"

For sophomore Willow Seymour, from Las Vegas, Hollins' admissions policy doesn't make sense.

"Personally, I think it's pretty offensive to exclude nonbinary people," Seymour says. "I know that historically it's a women's college, but a lot of people see it as, like, a refuge from patriarchal structures, and nonbinary people deserve to be as much part of that as anyone else."

Seymour began identifying as genderqueer this semester. If that was who they knew themself to be in high school, Seymour says, they would have had to conceal that on the Hollins application.

"I think that's a really messed up thing, having to hide a part of yourself just to go somewhere," Seymour says.

As for the school slogan, "Women who are going places start at Hollins?"

"I think that's something that should be phased out," says Jaiya McMillan, a Hollins junior from Las Vegas, "because there are so many people here who are going places who are not just women, you know?"

McMillan is vice president of the student government and is the daughter of a Hollins alumna. Her mother graduated in the class of 1995.

"I know that she talks about it as a women's college," McMillan says, "and there are still professors here who only use she/her pronouns when talking about the student body, which obviously I don't think really fits what Hollins looks like anymore." McMillan, who is cisgender, says Hollins should be a place that welcomes all nonbinary and transgender students, too.

"Absolutely. Absolutely! I think maybe a school with everything under the sun... except for [cisgender] men," she says.

A more gender-fluid student body

If it were up to Hollins professor LeeRay Costa, the college would change its admissions policy to include nonbinary students — anyone, she says, whose gender makes them marginalized in society.

Costa, who has taught at Hollins for 20 years, has seen the name of her department change from Women's Studies to Gender and Women's Studies. She's also seen the number of nonbinary students grow, especially within the last five years or so.

"We see a lot more fluidity," Costa says, "so people moving along a spectrum, and not feeling like they have to be fixed in one place, and exploring."

As to the fear that something will get lost, or diluted, if the door to women's colleges is opened too wide?

"That question is to me, it's rooted in this either/or binary of like, it's either for women or it's not for them. And I reject that binary," Costa says. "I don't think it needs to be an either/or kind of question."

Feeling a disconnect with school policy

Em Miller, a nonbinary senior from Amelia, Va., often serves as a sounding board for younger students who want to try out new pronouns or a new name.

"There's kind of this like wading pool area where you kind of just dip your toes in, and you see how you feel about it, and then you go further," Miller explains, during a conversation outside the Hollins library.

Miller was a sophomore when the Hollins Board of Trustees updated its policy in 2019, loosening its rules on trans male students but adding the new language that specifically excludes nonbinary applicants.

Miller says once you're on campus, Hollins feels inclusive: Students and faculty embrace gender diversity. But there's a disconnect with the school's admissions policy, Miller says, and that doesn't sit well.

"It makes me feel ignored. And it almost feels like I'm battling against what Hollins' board of trustees has kind of placed as this looming cloud over students at Hollins," Miller says.

In an interview with NPR, the chair of Hollins' board, Alexandra Trower responded: "I have a lot of compassion and empathy for those feelings. But we are a women's institution."

Not just a historically women's college, Trower emphasized, but a present women's college — which is important, she said, at a time when women have still not achieved equity.

"I very much appreciate that students may have a different definition or desire to have us be in a different place," Trower said, "but we're very clear and open about what our mission is. And people have a choice about where they go to university."

Trower concedes that it's possible the Board's thinking on this will evolve. That's the message, too, from Hollins' president, Mary Dana Hinton, who took office in 2020, after the revised admissions policy was already in place.

"My heart aches at the thought of someone feeling unseen, unaffirmed, uncared-for," Hinton says. "And I don't think it's unexpected that we will continue to listen and learn and reassess the policy as needed."

Overshadowing this discussion is the fact that a dozen historically women's colleges have either closed or gone coed in the past seven years — faced with declining enrollment, or financial trouble.

Each school, trying to figure out how to adapt in a more gender-fluid world.

#Holland University #Roanoke #Virginia #women’s colleges #If someone doesn’t identify as a woman why the hell are they going to a women’s college in the first place? #Students that develop a gender identity can just transfer out

[mikequake]

Voltron RANT beware!!

Ok so several things as I peruse through the Voltron and other tags in that fandom that came to my mind. I shall get some hate but I needed to say my thoughts. First is the fact that these characters are in a scenario way beyond their individual comfort levels. All of them. For the most part they are not going to be hung up on ideas of love and such. I believe Lance uses flirting as a coping mechanism since it allows a sense of familiarity with home. Second is the fact that many of these characters are young. Several with major issues that would prevent them from understanding their sexual preferences and what they are. So all this fighting about shipping is moot. However, the bonds and closeness of each character to the others COULD form something more once the main issues each face are overcome. Now I will go into my personal ideas on each character. This is NOT an attack on anyone and is just my two cents about these characters. Lance: Like I said earlier I believe Lance to use flirting and also his animosity towards Keith as coping mechanisms. He is Cuban and family is HUGE for that culture. He has lost connection with his family and I bet he is acutely aware of each day that passes on Earth and what he is missing with his family. His rivalry with Keith allows him a grounding in a familiar territory as he must have had it going for a long time at the Garrison. Giving him something to keep his thoughts away from family. Basically any odd spike in flirting with others or animosity towards Keith could be seen as an attempt to bury sadness about missing another birthday or other significant family function. On top of him trying to find something that makes him useful. Remember he is constantly reminded how he wasn't supposed to be a fighter-class pilot by superiors. He has only received recognition from Shiro once or twice and generally seems think he is tacked on or dragged along. But when his skills come in handy they shine. The problem is he is unsure if they are needed. He is unsure what he can do. Of all the Paladins besides Pidge, I believe he knows who he is but has no clue what he is capable of. Leaving himself self aware and with feelings of uselessness. As for pairings Pidge would feel like a sibling to him, the younger dynamic and the light teasing seen between them is very reminiscent of that dynamic. Allura would be a crush and possibly someone he uses aspects from when finding partners since she has many personality aspects he seems to value. I do believe Keith to be at least bisexual if not pansexual. But he is definitely in favor of feminine features and physicality. He is open and inviting to Pidge on first meeting "him" while having a modicum of caution in his approach. The reason you don't see him flirting with males is the hostile and violent negative reaction many would give from being hit on by a fellow male. Meaning he would wait to see if flirting could be seen as playful and such before doing it with males. Keith: This poor child. He has no clue who or what he is. He is a lost little boy using anger and impulsiveness as shields of his self doubt. Shiro gives him a sense of grounding and stability. Next season will be interesting to see how Shiro's absence effects him. That said this poor boy is so lost I don't think anyone can correctly guess what his sexuality is. He also won't have any clue how to handle attractions or feelings of desire. Quite frankly he is a poster child of repressed sexual exploration and it's probably one of many reasons for his behavioural issues. That said I don't think any direct family are Galra. While an interesting idea and good story device it would be more feasible to make a very distant ancestor was Galra. The knife being passed down through the generations. Mainly for several plot hole issues. The blue lion had to be on Earth for 3000-10000 years. When they were scattered Allura was awake. The cave markings were in the style of before common era and the year of the story is definitely a few centuries near our own. None of the technology shown from Earth seemed so far advanced to say the story is more than 150-300 years from now. So the Galra in Keith's history could be the Pilot of the blue lion if it was an ancient ancestor. Otherwise there would need to be a very convoluted story of a Galra being several light years from the empire or Blade of Marmorra alone and crashing on Earth without anyone coming to get them for more than a few years and having no knowledge of the blue lion being on Earth. Relationship wise he probably sees all the Paladins and such as an extended family and will be fiercely protective of them all while also being a bit standoffish and aggressive about any feelings he doesn't know how to deal with. Hunk: This huge cinamon bun child. Sweet, innocent, and caring. He misses food. Samoans culture has a huge culinary side. Not just for culture specific, they love to try new things. In my experience Samoans have some of the most varied tastes of anyone. Many learn to cook from a young age as the culture prizes independence and community usefulness. Cooking is seen as something everyone must do and celebrate. Out in Glara space we see little fanfare about food and it seems to focus on just the nutritional aspects and not the flavor or feeling it can bring. Meaning a huge part of what Hunk sees as himself is missing in this new environment making him want to bring it out and make it popular. Seen in his cooking in the first few episodes and the mall episode. On top of that this lovable giant has adopted all of the people he connects with as family. Samoans are big on family but also tend to be more functional when separated for long time frames. They know their family is there when they get back. But they also tend to form family with those they form bonds with and not just share blood. Shay helping him and showing how truly little she has seen of the universe made him want to help her and his continued interest in her is adorable and shows Hunk as probably the most well adjusted of the Paladins. Honestly while he freaks out over many smaller things Hunk seems to have a handle on the bigger aspects such as being so far from home and the need of their mission. Hunk is also the one I would identify as the most sure of himself. He knows who he is, what he can do, and how he works. He is the rock of the team. Shiro: My god this poor man. He probably felt completely sure of who he was and his role before Zarkon. After a year as a prisoner and gladiator I am surprised he is able to still be so together. His identity of himself was shattered a bit from his imprisonment. He is afraid of himself to a degree. The new aspects being drawn out from being the leader of Voltron also shake his perception of himself. I don't think he ever actually saw himself as a leader. Or that he even does now. I think he sees himself more like the older brother to them all and he needs to do what he can to help and protect them. That said I feel like his inner turmoil and trauma prevent a lot of the closer bonding that he needs. One thing I would have liked to have seen was more one on one interaction with him and Allura as we haven't really been able to tell how he handles females closer to his age in a familiar manner. Basically I have nothing to base his sexuality or prefences off of. He could swing in any direction honestly. Otherwise I can't say much about him. Most of his time was spent about his trauma, new leader role, or comforting/helping the others come to terms with themselves. We were not given a chance to really explore his character beyond those aspects. Pidge: This driven, passionate, and hell-bent girl is amazing. I saved her for last cause she is by far my favorite character. Millions of light-years from Earth? No problem! New and strange technology, culture, and bizarness? Pfft whatevs! Nothing is gonna get in her way of finding her family. At 15 she is the youngest, all others estimated at late teens. But this means she started this mission of hers at 11-13, depending on how you interpret the story. She was just starting to realize her sexuality and the like when she became laser focused on her family. I doubt she evens sees herself as a sexual being. I do believe she sees herself as feminine rather than masculine but honestly gender is a moot thing as your sex does not determine your ability or worth. Biologically she is female in the sphere of the show. But otherwise she should just be labeled Pidge. Trans-Pidge theory is interesting but also a bit large to tackle in a children's cartoon. It definitely makes for some interesting fanfics! (I mean born male and wanting to be seen as female, then taking on male to disguise herself to get more info on family) She is definitely not born female wanting to be male otherwise she would have not bothered saying she was female to the other Paladins. Also she may not be sexually attracted to people. I kinda want to see her get involved with a gender neutral Android! Her love of technology is absolutely adorable. Can't​ you see her stuttering as she tried to talk to a humanoid and advanced AI Android? Adorbs! One small personal note her character has allowed some self-realization for myself. Before she was revealed to be a she I felt kinship with her tech savvy ways and thought of how I would love to get to know this smol child. After the reveal I gained a desire to see her protected, chauvinistic I know, but it's instinctual to a degree with males. But it highlighted to me how I can shift my perception of somebody once I know their designation. Also if she was several years older I would claim her as waifu cause damn she is impressive and stunning at times. On pairings I think she won't even begin to think about relationships before he brother and father are found and safe. Otherwise she will just ignore her feelings until that goal is achieved. Allura and Coran: Honestly they are aliens. Trying to assign the same human ideals as we do to ourselves is folly. For God's sakes we don't even know which sex carries the young! We don't see any scenes of pregnant Alteans! For all we know they lay eggs! How their minds work with relationships also is not very clearly defined by the show. They have familial bonds but marital and the like aren't reflected on. So how they are processing everything is anyone's guess! Pairing thoughts: Shiro is someone I can see paired with anyone except Pidge. The other teens I see as 17-18, and Shiro I see more like 23-25. But Pidge is 14-15 and I don't think has any actual time coming into being a sexual being. While I don't ship him with any of the Paladins him and Pidge make me uncomfortable to be seen paired together. Not to attack those that do, this is just my take on it. KeithxLance - I love love/hate dynamics but honestly I don't see it here. Though they would make very close and supportive/competitive almost brothers. AlluraxShiro - Probably the ship I agree with the most. Allura would make a great guide for him to get over his trauma and Shiro would offer her a source of calm stability with how out in the open she must feel losing basically all her support structures. Though I doubt it will happen soon. HunkxShay - I love this ship but I also see it as tragic since Shay wouldn't really leave the Balmera for very long and Hunk would not really fit into the culture there easily or ever. Not to say he would not be welcome but his inability to communicate with the Balmera would lead to a lot of exclusion and issues. PidgexTechnology - Pretty sure I made myself clear earlier! ****Rant over****

#pidge #vld #pidge voltron #voltron legendary defender #voltron #shiro #lance #keith #keith kogane #lance mcclain #pidge gunderson #katie holt #hunk #hunk garrett #takashi shirogane #lance voltron #keith voltron #hunk voltron #shiro voltron #allura #princess allura #coran #voltron coran #allura voltron #rant #voltron rant #voltron pairings #sexuality #psychology

[iswearimtoooldforthis]

I’m way beyond feeling like I’m a broken record...

Where to start... First things first. Back at the end of March I had to walk away from coaching and managing the new women’s football team here in Sacramento due to poor ownership. It was extremely hard for me to do because I felt like I was letting down my players but it was just an unhealthy situation and my gut told me it was the right thing to do. Turns out my gut was right because the team folded after only 2 games. I still keep in touch with most of my players which brings me to part of why I am starting to feel like a broken record... 

I know I am different. I’m not a “typical” female by any means. It has also taken me almost all of my life to finally be like “Fuck It” I don’t care what others think, I’m going to be true to myself and who I know I am as a person. With that being said, I’ve recently needed to explain my sexual orientation and how I identify repeatedly over the last few months. I’ve even been given a new term of endearment which is “Gaydar Killer” and I honestly find it quite a bit confusing as I do funny because after 26 years, I thought I had heard them all (oh, and there is a list). As always, I make no apologies for who I am or the things I have done in my life. I own every decision/choice I’ve made, good, bad, or indifferent. Most of my close friends are very aware of this and know that I have no reason to lie about anything but most of all, which sexual orientation I identify with. Trust me I completely get where the confusion comes from. I’m not an idiot. I know that the way that I look, dress and present myself falls into a typical stereotype. I’ve said it before in earlier posts. It doesn’t offend me. I’m flattered when a woman hits on me. Unfortunately, I have honestly never felt real sexual attraction toward any female in my life (except for a few times when I thought they were guys but we will get to that later). I think women are beautiful, gorgeous even, and I’ve been jealous of some of their bodies but I’ve never felt that sudden flush, butterflies in the tummy, or the ache to be with a woman. Please, don’t say “You won’t know unless you try” because I have and all the times I tried, I just felt like I was going through the motions or better yet, like I was acting in some sort of play or movie disguised as my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done the same with guys more times than I would like to admit but with women it just never developed or manifested into the feelings I get when I’m with guys. In all honestly, being true to who I am, it puts me at a disadvantage because guys tend to not want women that look and act like I do but I’m aldo at the point in my life where I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not in order for someone to want to be with me. But I digress, back to being with women. In the end I just felt bad and like I was using these women for my own personal experiment and by no fault of their own, I just felt nothing toward them in a romantic or sexual way. Ok, to be super honest... I felt like a complete asshole because if a guy did to me (they have) what I felt like I had done to them (they did), I would be pissed (I was). It was not my proudest period in my life and I didn’t set off to do it intentionally but a lot of alcohol was involved so my inhibitions were just about non-existent and I didn’t even know that a few of them were women until clothes started coming off. Not that I’m saying that my misconception about their gender was an excuse for my behavior, because it wasn’t, and I still went through with everything after the fact (which in my personal opinion made me a huge dick). It was a total dick move on my part and I own up to it. I’ve been on the receiving end of that dick move a few times myself (my marriage being one of them) and it is just not a cool thing to do to someone. I felt dishonest. Part of me at the time even hoped that doing it would trigger something inside me, flip a switch so to say, that would awaken the part of me that wanted to be with women because at least then other aspects of my life and personality would start to make better sense. It sucked feeling the need to explain this part of my past to my players that were CONVINCED I was a lesbian but like I said, I own up to the things I’ve done. So again, with that being said, the question I was asked today shocked me because it was from someone that I’ve had in depth conversations with (recently even) only this time it wasn’t my sexuality that was being questioned but my identity. Today was the first time I was asked if I was transitioning... and the shocking part was not that I was asked but how much the being asked stung me. Just to be crystal clear... I was not offended by the question but the reason it stung was because this person honestly thought that I hated the gender that I was born. I have trans friends that I love dearly. Some I knew before and after they transitioned and others I only got to know after they transitioned but from them I know how very personal their transitions were. I love being female. I don’t love my menstrual cycle or being told I can’t do something because I’m female but I don’t feel that I was born in the wrong body (even if one of my cousins swears that I am a gay man trapped in a woman’s body). I can’t even begin to imagine what it would feel like to look at oneself in the mirror and see anatomy that contradicts what you feel it should be. One of the most depressing moments of my life was being told by my doctors that I would more than likely never have biological children of my own (that needs to be covered in a separate post) because the one thing I’ve always wanted to be, my entire life, was a mother. So, I had this very in depth conversation with this friend today and she explained why she asked. Why I’ve always “confused” her. Why am I like the way that I am. Most of which we had talked about before in one form or another and like usual I didn’t have a cookie cutter response to give her for the “why I am the way that I am.” I don’t know why. I’ve never been able to give any answer except I am the way that feels true to me. I feel that I don’t fall in the typical “straight” category because I am not feminine at all and never really felt comfortable pretending to be but I don’t fall within the LGBTQ category either because I don’t feel I am the wrong gender and so far I’ve only been sexually attracted to the opposite sex. I’ve always felt that I was in this grey area or where the two circles overlap. I feel more comfortable around my LGBTQ friends because my outward appearance, personality and traits mesh better with them than with my “straight” friends but my sexual orientation still keeps me on the outside to a certain extent with them also. It does hurt me to an extent because I never really feel like I fit in with either side completely but if I change any part of myself just to fit in one way or another, that would be false and to me living that lie would be worst. It doesn’t mean that I don’t understand where they are coming from. I do. If the terms I use in this next bit are not politically correct, I apologize in advance but I’m going to do my best in order to explain why I understand where my LGBTQ friends are coming from. The best way I can put it is like this. Just because I have black friends, and I dress like them, talk like them, hang out with them, that doesn’t mean that I know what its like to be a black person in America. I don’t know what it is like to be LGBTQ in America. I’ve caught passing glimpses because people assume that I am LGBTQ when they look at me (especially when I worked concert security) and have been called things and even escaped a few attempted “gay” bashings (I have this problem with not backing down and tend to fight back) but at the end of the day, I always identified as heterosexual. I never had to live in fear that I could be fired for falling in love. I never had any doubt that I would be able to marry the person I fell in love with. Or if the time came when I need to adopt in order to have a family, I wouldn’t be discriminated against because of the person I loved and chosen to have the family with. But some of my friends did have to worry about those things and that wasn’t okay to me. I didn’t care if it alienated me from my entire biological family or my new adopted family I married into, when it came to supporting and fighting for my friends and family to obtain the same rights as I had, I did it loud and proud. 

Dude, she and I went DEEP during this conversation and it was emotionally draining. This is finally how I put it and I think she understands for the most part (wait until you read her response at the end to see if you agree)... At the end of the day, I believe with my entire being that love is love (among consenting adults). You fall in love with the person you fall in love with and when you truly fall in love with someone, they become your every sexual desire. At least that is how it is for me. When I fell in love with my husband, he wasn’t my typical “type” by any means but when I fell for him, I fell hard and completely. In my life so far, I have only felt that way toward men. Does that mean that I won’t one day meet someone that is a woman, trans, or however they identify, that will make me feel the same way... I honestly don’t know. Because of what I believe love to be, I can’t definitively say that it won’t happen nor can I say that it will. All I can say that as of right now, it hasn’t. One of my favorite scenes from a movie is when Holden asks Alyssa in Chasing Amy “why him and why now” and she replies “... The way the world is--how seldom you meet that one person who gets you--it’s so rare. My parents didn’t really have it. There was no example set for me in the world of male/female relationships. And to cut oneself off from finding that person--to immediately half your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender... that just seemed stupid. So I didn’t. But then you came along. You--the one least likely; I mean, you were a guy... And as I was falling for you. I put a ceiling on that, because you were a guy. Until I remember why I opened the door to women in the first place--not to limit the likelihood of finding that one person who’d complement me so completely. And so here we are. I was thorough when I looked for you, and I feel justified lying in your arms--because I got here on my own terms, and have no question that there was someplace I didn’t look. And that makes all the difference.” And after hearing all this, my friend said... “Ok, based off what you just said about how you feel about love and just how you are, I’m just gonna say that you are queer and leave it at that because you said there still maybe a possibility.” FACE-PALM... I was like fine, if that’s what it takes to end this conversation so be it.

In all honesty, I’m so sick of having this conversation over and over again (sometimes with the same people) because I really don’t care at this point in my life. I’ve been through so much and have battled against what my family tried to turn me into for so long, in all reality I hate labels in general (except “tomboy” because I always felt it adequately described me) . A girl is suppose to dress a certain way, do certain things, only have certain interests, and is to be defined by the man she is with... BULLSHIT! A girl/woman can dress anyway she wants, do anything she wants, have what ever interest she wants... and she can love who she wants. The most important part is the “she wants” part and that is how I choose to live my life as long as it doesn’t intentionally hurt anyone else. 

It is way past my bedtime and I swear that I should be TOO OLD for this...

#sexuality #identity #lables #love

[kidsviral-blog]

8 Transgender Athletes Explain What Fitness Means To Them

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/8-transgender-athletes-explain-what-fitness-means-to-them/

8 Transgender Athletes Explain What Fitness Means To Them

Transgender people face a particular set of challenges when it comes to spaces where people exercise and compete. Here, eight athletes tell BuzzFeed Life about their experiences with fitness, movement, and competition.

1. The yogi

View this image ›

Danh Duong Photography / Via 500px.com

“Every time I practice yoga I am choosing to be happy and healthy.” —Sparkle Thornton

Sparkle Thornton, 33, is a yoga instructor and massage therapist who lives in the Bay Area. Originally from Asheville, North Carolina, she started practicing yoga when she was 19 and became an instructor at age 25. This March she’s leading Yogay, a yoga retreat in California for queer and transgender people. Thornton shares how her yoga practice helped her realize that she wanted to transition, and how, almost 15 years since she started, yoga continues to be her source of emotional well-being and self-care.

When I started practicing yoga it started to really come up that I wanted to transition. Of course it was in there all along, the desire was there. I didn’t have the words for it but I knew that I wanted to grow up and be female when I was 5 years old. Yoga has this way of stirring things up, like whatever has been buried and whatever the things are that we are trying to ignore. For me that was that I was trans. It helped me to feel comfortable in my body. I really think yoga is why I’m still alive and why I’m happy and thriving now.

For me [practicing yoga] has always been mental health. I feel so much more able to face the world when I’ve practiced yoga. I don’t really trust myself to make good decisions until after I’ve done yoga. If I’m really worried about something or feeling impatient it’s probably because I haven’t practiced. It keeps my state of mind open and aware of what might be unfolding that I don’t have control over. So for me it feels like necessity. If I don’t do it, I suffer.

2. The running CrossFitter

View this image ›

Ben Pender-Cudlip

“I am actively in search of my body’s limits and I don’t think I’ve found them yet.” —Niki Brown

Originally from Iowa, Niki Brown, 30, is a web developer who lives in Cambridge, Massachusetts. He grew up running track and cross country and playing soccer. He’s still a runner — a half-marathoner and, since last year, a marathoner. He also competes in local fitness competitions. He tells BuzzFeed Life about how his transition impacted his mental toughness and his connection to his body.

I definitely think transitioning has made me stronger mentally. Some of the stuff I’ve had to deal with — people not handling it well, family members not talking to me — I have to get past it, deal with it, get stronger. I think that translates to the mental toughness of [running a marathon]: “OK, I have to be running for four hours and when your knee hurts saying nope, turn it off. Keep going.”

My whole life I felt disconnected from my body, so working out helps with that. I don’t even know if I have the words to accurately describe it. … It’s difficult to put into words. I am still getting used to being connected to my body in that way.

3. The MMA fighter

View this image ›

Rhys Harper / Via Facebook: transcendinggenderproject

“My strengths right now are my determination and my will.” —Fallon Fox

Fallon Fox, 39, is the first professional mixed martial arts (MMA) fighter to come out as transgender. Initially interested in learning martial arts for self-protection, she started training Brazilian jiujitsu in late 2007, picked up Muy Thai a couple years later, and less than a year after that started training in MMA, in which opponents fight using a variety of styles from Brazilian jiujitsu and Muy Thai to wrestling, judo, and kickboxing. She will be featured in Game Face, a documentary about LGBTQ athletes, set to be released this year. She talks about getting inspired to learn MMA by watching other women fighters, what happened when UFC host Joe Rogan made public comments about her gender identity, and how professional competition can be more inclusive of transgender fighters.

The thing that inspired me the most was other female fighters, these older style fighters before women’s MMA became popular. I was blown away because women were actually fighting. They were letting women fight. I’d never seen that intensity, that assertiveness, that skill. … I felt I needed that for my own assertiveness. I felt I was lacking that for my own self-protection.

[It would help trans people if] promotions [the organizations that produce MMA matches] hire trans fighters. Or they can punish their employees and fighters who say transphobic comments and slurs. That would help us out the most, promoting the perception of reality that we are who we say we are. I suppose it should be looked at like this. [When MMA celebrities] say transphobic comments, they kind of set the pace for the kind of negativity that fans might have. They stir it up. They light the fire under it. When [UFC host] Joe Rogan said those comments, the fans would come to me online or while I’m fighting and say they heard it from Joe Rogan. That affected me in the beginning. It affected me a lot. I wasn’t used to that. I had to get used to having names yelled at me while I was trying to do my job.

4. The track star turned weightlifter

instagram.com / Via Instagram: @jord23nbre

“I was a strong female, but not where I wanted to be, where I imagined myself being.” —Jordan Davis

Jordan Davis, 24, is a nursing student from Oklahoma City. He started taking testosterone in August 2014, but even before starting his medical transition, Davis says he always identified with guys and was almost always assumed by strangers to be a boy. In high school he was a state champion sprinter, but nowadays he’s more of a bodybuilder. He starts every morning with about a 20-minute high-intensity interval circuit of pull-up variations and pushups, and then, five days per week, spends about two hours lifting in the gym. He speaks here about how his transition has helped him feel more comfortable while working out, as well as how it’s impacted the way he thinks and feels about his body.

When you run track [on the girls’ team] the uniforms you have to wear are just totally not me. I was real uncomfortable; it felt like something I was forced to do. As soon as the race was over I would go put my clothes back on. I never really liked my body even though I was pretty cut up. Now my fat has redistributed, so it’s like my upper body is really big and I’m a lot more solid up top than I used to be, so it’s a lot more comfortable for me now that I am on T [testosterone].

I used to feel real self-conscious. I kind of still do because I’m still not as big as I want to be. I’m getting there…I have to kind of remind myself that most of the guys at the gym are cis male, so I’m like a 16-year old compared to them. I have to remind myself of that and look at where I came from. I keep my headphones in and focus on myself instead of looking around. It’s easier if you do it like that. [It’s better to] think about the goals that you’re trying to reach and not worry about people around you.

5. The CrossFit coach and competitor

instagram.com / Via Instagram: @instagram.com/chlojonsson/?modal=true

“I embrace every change that happens to my body…I love how my body feels.” —Chloie Jonsson

Chloie Jonsson, 35, is an Olympic lifter and CrossFit athlete and coach in Morgan Hill, California. She started CrossFit in 2010, and told BuzzFeed Life (and her lawsuit complaint notes) that in spring 2013 she was told by CrossFit Games general manager Justin Bergh that competitors must register under their original gender. CrossFit’s general counsel later confirmed that she would “need to compete in the Men’s Division.” Jonsson, who medically transitioned almost 20 years ago at the age of 16, is suing CrossFit for discrimination, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and unfair competition. She talks here about loving her body and using it to move heavy weight, and how CrossFit HQ’s competition ban has affected her.

I love the feeling of working out and using my body. Like during Olympic lifting, to move the amount of weight that I can, it’s a super empowering feeling knowing that this little tiny frame can make something so heavy move. I’ve never had that [self-consciousness when working out]. I feel my best when I am working out. I work out in barely any clothing. I don’t prefer clothing; if the world could be naked that would be amazing. I’m pretty comfortable with my body.

It was pretty heart-wrenching when [the CrossFit ban] first happened because I was not an out individual. I identified as trans, but was stealth; I came out publicly this past year. The reason was because CrossFit said “no,” so I found a lawyer. They told me if you want to move forward, your entire life is going to change. It took me 60 days to really get comfortable with the fact that my entire community would know about me being transgender. It was a pretty big step. I knew I had to do it because what they were doing to me was wrong, and if they were going to do it to me they were going to do it to other people.

6. The martial artist and bodybuilding enthusiast

instagram.com / Via Instagram: @ftmfitnessworld

“I am definitely more aware of and in love with my body.” —Neo L. Sandja Neo L. Sandja, 30, is from the Democratic Republic of the Congo and lives in Atlanta. He’s the president and founder of FTM Fitness World, the first-ever bodybuilding competition for trans men. He trains Korean Taekwondo and has studied karate and Brazilian jiujitsu. He dances zouk, salsa, kizomba, and other Latin dances, and does bodyweight workouts at home: pull-ups, pushups, squats, etc. He speaks about gaining strength from vulnerability and the confinements of the gender binary.

Every time I’ve been vulnerable and accepted it without trying to control it, I’ve come out stronger. I don’t think the issue is in being vulnerable, but in allowing ourselves to experience vulnerability so that we can learn to be strong. The more vulnerable you become, the stronger you can get. I’ve certainly experienced dysphoria in many situations, especially in the gym’s locker rooms; I realized that every time I make the step to get out of my comfort zone, life becomes easier and I become happier.

I think the barriers come when you don’t fit in a particular box when people expect you to. We still very much live in a dual world and we have a long ways to go before we can understand and accept gender fluidity. People still expect men to be and act a certain way and women to be and act another way. But I think that’s the beauty of being trans. We can see it as a chance to redefine what being a man or a woman is, not for the world, but for ourselves.

7. The fitness coach

instagram.com / Via Instagram: @alegutier

“I’m going to be me.” —Alex Gutierrez

Alex Gutierrez, 27, is a Florida-based fitness coach who plans to one day soon quit her day job to be a full-time personal trainer. She’s experienced numerous transformations over the last few years, from her 85-pound weight loss, to falling in love with exercise and deciding to make it her career, to starting hormone replacement therapy and undergoing her medical transition. She talks about how working out made her a stronger person mentally, and how it gave her the courage to transition.

Insanity [the 60-day, high-intensity workout program] built mental toughness that gave me determination. Once you go through the entire program you embrace the whole idea that small things repeated can lead to huge results at the end. The consistency, the discipline of doing simple little tasks can add up to a future. That can give you confidence that if you truly put your head to it and make a plan, you can achieve whatever the hell you want.

Because of working out … I went on hormones. It gave me courage. If it wasn’t for fitness, I don’t really think I ever would have transitioned. Insanity saved my life. It gave me the confidence I needed to make a final step to start hormones.

8. The triathlete and trans activist

instagram.com / Via Instagram: @instagram.com/thechrismosier/?modal=true

“There is a confidence that has come for me in being authentically myself.” —Chris Mosier

Chris Mosier is an NYC-based triathlete and coach. He founded transathlete.com, a resource for information about trans inclusion in athletics, and started GO! Athletes, a support network of current and former LGBTQ collegiate and high school athletes. Last year he won the Staten Island Flat as a Pancake Duathlon, his first overall win in the male category. He discusses how his love of competition impacted his decision about when to transition, and why he’s committed to being an openly trans athlete.

Being an athlete has always been a primary part of my identity. I delayed my transition for over a year because I wasn’t sure how it would impact my ability to compete and participate in the sports I loved, and that was something I wasn’t willing to let go of easily. I was uncomfortable — triathlon is a very body-conscious sport, with skin-tight kits, and navigating the swimming pool was a challenge. I thought that I would eventually become more comfortable after transition, but I was concerned about my ability to be competitive. At that time I was doing well in my races in the female category. … I felt so uncomfortable with the classification of the female category that I wouldn’t want to share my results with anyone.

Figuring out my own identity was a lonely journey; I did not see myself reflected in any example I saw in the media or in sports. As an athlete, I did not know of any other trans male athletes who transitioned and were competing at a high level, and that is what I wanted for myself. I don’t want any other person — particularly a young person — to be able to say that. That’s why I am committed to be an openly trans athlete, and to my work with GO! Athletes. The media has a tendency to elevate certain voices and ignore important intersections of identity. I am committed to making sure not only trans voices are included in athletics, but that the voices of women, people of color, bisexual athletes, and other identities are all at the table when discussing policy, inclusion, and equity in sports. Sport is for everyone.

Interviews have been edited for space.

correction

Niki Brown competes in local fitness competitions. The original post mistakenly said he competes in local CrossFit competitions. BF_STATIC.timequeue.push(function () document.getElementById(“update_article_correction_time_4890379”).innerHTML = UI.dateFormat.get_formatted_date(‘2015-02-06 17:39:24 -0500’, ‘update’); );

correction

The events described related to Chloie Jonsson all took place in 2013; rather than having qualified for the 2013 CrossFit Games, Jonsson was, she says, invited by a team to join them as an alternate. And, according to her lawsuit complaint, it was actually in spring 2013 that she was told by CrossFit Games general manager Justin Bergh that competitors must register under their original gender. CrossFit’s general counsel later confirmed that she would “need to compete in the Men’s Division.” An earlier version of the post mistakenly said it was the 2014 CrossFit Games Regionals, that Jonsson qualified for a highly competitive spot as a team alternate, and that it was at that time that CrossFit HQ told her she’d have to compete in the men’s division. BF_STATIC.timequeue.push(function () document.getElementById(“update_article_correction_time_5083706”).innerHTML = UI.dateFormat.get_formatted_date(‘2015-02-25 10:03:43 -0500’, ‘update’); );

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/sallytamarkin/transgender-athletes

#crossfit #mma #running #transgender #weightlifting

[gossipnetwork-blog]

Meet Trans Comedian Making Fart Jokes an Act of Resistance

New Post has been published on http://gossip.network/meet-trans-comedian-making-fart-jokes-an-act-of-resistance/

Meet Trans Comedian Making Fart Jokes an Act of Resistance

“I love to create very dumb and stupid shit,” says comedian Patti Harrison. Jessica Lehrman for RollingStone.com

Patti Harrison is seated onstage at an ACLU fundraiser in the dimly lit backroom of a Brooklyn bar. It’s a comedy show, but the room is somber – it’s been mere days since Donald Trump was elected president. Despite the upsetting turn of events, Harrison appears overwhelmingly put together. She has the alert, composed posture of an honor student on the first day of school. When she speaks, her tone is measured and polite, as if she is selecting each word carefully from a basket of perfectly ripened apples.

She tells the audience how deeply upsetting the election has been for her, a trans woman of color. She has also just landed her dream job as a comedy writer, and she is rattled by feeling so high and so low so swiftly. She proceeds to quietly read the pitches she had to bring into work the day following the election and the room fills with ripples of laughter that escalate into shrieks and roars. One is a show called “Son Boss” – a father promotes his son too many times until he realizes his son is now the boss. Harrison punctuates the premise with a deadpan, “Uh oh, Son Boss.” The audience wails.

Eight months later, Harrison found herself in front of an audience of millions. President Trump had tweeted that he would ban transgender people from the military and The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon invited the 26-year-old Ohio native to share her thoughts on the proposed ban. Harrison was polished and charming as ever as she chided the president, saying, “Donald, you are so stupid, you are sooo stupid. You’re lucky you’re so hot.” The appearance was a hit – earning nearly 400,000 views on YouTube, thousands of retweets on Twitter and a headline in The New York Times. It was a surreal moment for Harrison who, in the face of the current political climate, speaks with as much reverence for the power of fart jokes as she does the importance of trans rights.

“I love to create very dumb and stupid shit,” says Harrison, “And that’s the funny thing – when people seek me out as this like political comedian, I literally just want to joke about IBS and farting.”

Harrison still performs in the basements and backrooms that make up New York City’s alt-comedy scene, but she is poised to become the most visible working trans comedian in America. You may recognize her from her comedic videos about queer and trans identities. Or perhaps you’ve seen “Patti Reviews Animals,” where she serenaded a squirrel monkey, delivered heartbreaking news about Steve Irwin to an alligator and confused a Patagonian cavy, a South American rodent, with Sofia Vergara. If you haven’t seen Harrison yet, chances are you will soon. With a recurring role on season two of TBS’s Search Party, a guest role in the current season of Broad City and a small part in Paul Feig’s upcoming film, A Simple Favor, Harrison is suddenly everywhere. But perhaps the biggest role Harrison has been asked to play is that of mouthpiece for the trans community. Harrison’s identity as a trans woman of color, paired with her general charm and poise, make her a perfect go-to for witty commentary on trans rights – even if her humor is rarely overtly political.

Jo Firestone, who writes for The Tonight Show and has produced many live shows featuring Harrison, adores her absurdist, gross-out wit. She recalls a card Harrison made for her. “[It] had a goofy cartoon character on the front … a cute little poodle – and then on the inside, the doodle-poodle had developed breasts and a penis and balls and was bleeding from the mouth and screaming out, ‘My body is a cage!'”

Harrison is like this on stage, too. Her tone is polite, composed and inviting. When paired with her pointedly stupid jokes or characters – which alternate between sweetly wholesome and ultra vulgar – the effect is disarming. It’s like watching a cashmere sweater unravel and reveal hundreds of blood-thirsty baby spiders – horrific and captivating.

“She has a warmth about her that is very exciting,” says Firestone. “She just has ideas that nobody else has and her overall demeanor is so interesting. She’s so calm on stage and so in control but also so strange.”

Although Harrison’s live act isn’t improv, it retains the off-the-cuff energy of her improvisational roots. She often dips into characters who are both endearing and repulsive. She loves, for example, to play old people who are horny. And she adores the opportunity to sing a silly song doing an impeccable Stevie Nicks impression. In a recent “bats and rats”-themed comedy show in New York City, Harrison asserted that she definitely knew what bats and rats were before she crooned, “I’ve seen the love on a child’s face know, yeah I know that love always wins. But I never learned this one thing.” She pauses dramatically before bursting into the chorus: “I don’t know what a bat is / I don’t know what a rat is, too / I don’t know what those things are / Is it like a shoe?”

Harrison says much of her humor is inspired by growing up in Orient, Ohio, a rural town where she was often the only person of color in an almost exclusively white community. The daughter of a Vietnamese immigrant mother and a father with roots in Detroit and Tennessee, Harrison quickly learned that, in order to survive, she had to sympathize with those who openly mocked her. “I think a lot of me trying to blend in was me co-opting the racism that was used against me in a way – being OK with it. Like, ‘Yeah they’re calling me chink but they mean it in a nice way. They’re not racist, they hang out with me every day! Sure, they make jokes about me eating rice all the time, but they invite me to the movies sometimes!'”

“She just has ideas that nobody else has and her overall demeanor is so interesting. She’s so calm on stage and so in control but also so strange,” Jo Firestone says of Patti Harrison. Jessica Lehrman for RollingStone.com

Harrison, the youngest of four sisters, credits her siblings for helping her to see that she didn’t have to accept other people’s biased behavior. “My sisters were really smart,” she says. “And they sort of planted that seed in me that I actually don’t have to put up with this if I don’t want to.”

Growing up, Harrison also loved MadTV, especially its female performers and their unabashed wildness. “People like to shit on MadTV,” she says. “But it was this hub of female excellence and female character comedians like Debra Wilson, Nicole Sullivan, Mo Collins, Stephanie Weir – all of these people that are just like powerhouse performers.” 

But it wasn’t until college, when a friend invited her to an improv show, that it occurred to her to perform on stage. She was immediately smitten with the form and auditioned for the improv team at Ohio University. She was elated when she got in. “That was the defining moment in my college career. I felt like, ‘Wow, I’ve accomplished something.” 

When Harrison finished her fourth year of college, she came out as trans. Her family was supportive but coming out wasn’t without its uncomfortable conversations. Having switched majors, she still had credits to complete for her degree, but she ultimately decided not to return to school. Instead, she moved to New York to earn her living as a famous improvisor. “I thought that was a thing you could do,” she laughs.

Performing after she came out as trans was markedly different from her college stage experience. “My command changed,” she says. “Before I transitioned, I felt like I could walk on stage and just, like, say anything and people would just laugh. And that’s kind of a privilege that I just lost through the layers of social context and me being visibly a political object in a lot of people’s brains.”

Like all comedians, Harrison must face the challenges of connecting with an audience, but being trans often adds an additional layer of division between herself and the people from whom she’s hoping to elicit laughs. “It’s like, ‘Oh that’s a trans person.’ And that’s the conversation they’re having in their head throughout my set,” she explains.

Harrison still vividly remembers the cutting feeling of her first brush with transphobia as a performer. “One of the first shows I did in New York, I got on stage and this person in the front at normal speaking level was just like, ‘Oh that’s a guy. That’s a dude,'” she says. “And I had to keep going. And I bombed. Because I felt so disarmed in a bad way. It immediately got me in my own head.”

Harrison says she now feels mostly at home in the spaces where she performs, especially in Brooklyn where she knows she has allies. “I perform in spaces that are very inclusive and protective,” she says. “I feel more comfortable knowing that there are people around [who are] progressively minded who will have my back.” But there are still moments that give her pause, particularly when friends introduce her to people who turn out to be transphobic. “People are like, ‘Oh this is bla bla bla, he’s so nice, he’s great!'” she says. “And then it’s like, oh I have to stand with this guy who won’t look at me.” Harrison also has had the feeling she’s been booked for shows by men who are eager to identify as allies, but who are clearly uncomfortable interacting with her. “It’s like, ‘I’ll put you on the show, but oh do I have to touch you? Do I have to hand you the drink ticket?'”

Following her appearance on Fallon, Harrison was briefly flooded with requests for interviews. While it was an opportunity both for visibility as a performer, and visibility for the trans community, Harrison noticed an upsetting pattern in the questions she was sometimes asked by her interviewers. “I think it’s important for people to know [that I’m trans],” she says. “For the most part, there’s not a ton of out and working trans comedians, or people who are visible. [But] sometimes those questions [about being trans] have been a gateway to more invasive questions.”

Those questions are invariably about the intimate details of Harrison’s transition. She’s been asked various times whether she’s had surgery. “It’s always about sexualizing you,” she says. “It’s always about ‘Can I fuck you?’ and ‘How can I fuck you?'” 

Dylan Marron, a writer and performer who got to know Harrison while working with her at comedy site Seriously.tv says he was instantly impressed with Harrison’s writing and her sensibilities as a performer. “I think what makes Patti so brilliant – in terms of needing more representation in media – is that Patti is just so fully herself,” he says.

Marron recalls a video Harrison made in 2016 after Brooklyn Magazine released their 50 Funniest People in Brooklyn list. The video was captioned, “To congratulate everyone whose name made it on.” In the video, Harrison gazes forlornly offscreen, scanning for her own name. She realizes she hasn’t been included, turns to the camera and asks theatrically, her voice strained, “Where’s my name?” She sobs, rises and exits dramatically, on rollerblades.

“Queer art is all about subverting further levels than you ever thought possible,” he says. “I think that’s what Patti does so beautifully.”

The daughter of a Vietnamese immigrant mother, Patti Harrison says much of her humor is inspired by growing up in Orient, Ohio, a rural town where she was often the only person of color in an almost exclusively white community. Jessica Lehrman for RollingStone.com

While she recognizes the value of representation, Harrison also says there’s something affirming about getting cast in parts on Broad City and Search Party, neither of which were written with a focus on the characters being trans. “It’s a good sign when we can have a marginalized person on screen – any person of color or LGBTQIA person – and there’s no shoehorn explanation as to why they are there,” she says. “They can just be on screen and their character motivations are what they are and they’re not like ‘Oh this is my maid. She’s trans, but she’s also a flute player.'”

“I think in some places it’s like, yeah someone in the midwest needs to see that I’m a trans character and I’m a person,” she says. “But for me it is very rewarding to get to just act and not have to think about my otherness for a few hours.”

In the same regard, Harrison often feels that speaking about the silly and mundane sometimes feels like its own political statement. “I’m learning now that just being a visibly marginalized person and not addressing it in an artistic space is almost more political than for me to be on stage talking about it,” she says. “It’s fully a privilege to be an artist and not have to talk about your oppression in your art. If you don’t have that challenge – you get to make art about a hoverboard!”

As for the dismal political landscape, Harrison says it’s only driven her to keep creating the stupidest jokes possible. “I think in the way that a lot of people’s bodies release tears when they’re stressed or sad, my body releases horrible, horrible jokes about bird assholes and the dumbest things I can think of, because – even if it’s just for a second – it [provides] relief. I guess the equivalent of taking a deep calming breath for me is like farting in a beautiful musical tone,” she says, adding, “Or farting with a dear friend! If you’re doing it with a friend you can harmonize a chord.”

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[reallygroovyninja]

This took me forever to fill out and my answers are boring

Random Questions for LGBT Ladies #LGBTask

Random Questions for LGBT Ladies #LGBTask

Below are some questions pertaining to LGBT+ women, conveniently categorized. Have others send you random numbers (there’s 130 of them), or simply answer them yourself. Please reblog!

 SEXUALITY & COMING OUT:

1. How do you define your sexuality? Lesbian

2. What pronouns do you use to identify yourself? Me, Myself and I – I am not into the whole pronoun thing

3. At what age did you first suspect that you are sexually attracted to other girls? 11 or 12

4. At what age did you come to terms with your sexuality? 17

5. Did you have an “aha I like girls” moment or was it more of a gradual realization? It was a more gradual realization

6. How did your sexuality make you feel before you came out? Confused af

7. How did you become comfortable with your sexuality? Talking to someone who made me realize my feelings were ok to have.

8. At what age did you first come out? 18

9. Who was the first person you came out to? How did they take it? A friend and she stated ”About damn time”  

10. Do your parents know about your sexuality? My dad had already passed away so I don’t know if he ever suspected. I am betting he did and yes, my mom knows.

11. How out are you? Very. I don’t hide the fact

12. Do you now identify as something different than when you first came out? I do. I kinda waffled with bi for a year or so.

13. Was anyone surprised when you came out or did people seem to already know? I think most people suspected my attraction to females

14. Has coming out lost you any friends? Not that I was aware of. Coming out when I did at 18 and then moving out of state for college I lost contact with people.

15. How soon after meeting someone do you usually tell them about your sexuality? I judge the situation. It does come out eventually but I am not going to advertise it in work situations etc.

16. How difficult do you find it to sympathize with straight women? I have no problem with it

17. Have you ever wished you were completely straight? No

18. Agree or disagree: Everyone is at least a little bit gay. – Anyone could be a little bit gay in the right situation

19. If you are not a lesbian, about what percentage of the time you find yourself attracted to other girls? n/a

20. Do you think it is possible to be a true 50/50 bisexual, or is the percentage always skewed towards one gender? Most bisexuals I have met have said I am bisexual but lean towards whatever. I guess it’s possible to be attracted to either sex equally

21. How often do you find yourself trying to sneak a peek or staring at a cute girl? When I was single I would do it all the time

22. How accurate is your gaydar? I think when they were passing out gaydar I got in the line for male gaydar. I can pick a gay man out of a crowded room but be totally oblivious to women.

 RELATIONSHIPS & DATING:

23. What is your current relationship status? Married

24. What is the longest relationship you’ve been in? Are you still with that person? 8 years and yes

25. Do you remember anything about the first time you kissed another girl? I was nervous and I remember thinking fuck I am actually kissing a girl.

26. Are you a virgin? If not, what gender did you lose your virginity to? Sorry not a gold star lesbian

27. What is your ideal first date? Something simple like a walk in the park just getting to talk with each other

28. What personality trait are you most attracted to? It’s a toss-up between sense of humor and intelligence

29. How flirty are you? Not very flirty at all.

30. Would you ever want to get married, if not already? I am married

31 Do you want have children someday? Yes

32. Would you ever want to give birth? We decided as a couple if we had children I would try to conceive

33. How often are you asked if you have a boyfriend? Not as much now as when I was single

34. Have you ever liked or dated a girl with the same name as you? No

35. Have you ever been on your period the same time as a girlfriend? Unfortunately, yes

36. Have you and a girlfriend ever been mistaken for sisters? No

37. Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? Yes

38. Have you ever dated a guy? Yes

39. Has a girl ever dumped you for a guy? Have you? Not that I am aware of and no

40. Has another girl ever hit on you? Yes

41. Have you ever had a crush on a straight girl? Of course, what lesbian hasn’t

42. Have you ever had a crush on a woman who’s significantly older than you? Yes, to a college professor

43. Would you ever date a trans woman? Hmm, I guess if I was attracted to them I could give it a shot

44. Have you ever had a profile on a LGBT dating website or app? yes

45. Where do you think is the best place to meet a potential lover? I don’t think there is a best place because I know people who have met their s/o in all kinds of different places.

46. Do you consider yourself a hopeless romantic? I am not a hopeless romantic but I can be very romantic when I want to be.

 PHYSICAL APPEARANCE:

47. Have you ever cut your hair super short? If not, would you ever want to? No and I think I would look weird with super short hair.

48. Is your nose pierced? No

49. What is your opinion on septum/bull nose piercings? Not my thing but I’m not going to judge you if you do.

50. Do you have any tattoos? If so, of what and where? No

51. How muscular are you? I will go with I am toned but far from muscular

52. Are you or have you ever been a tomboy? I was when I was little but grew out of it

53. Have you ever been told that you’re too pretty to be gay? Yes

54. Have you ever been mistaken as a dude? No

 FASHION STYLE:

55. Do you wear skirts and dresses? If so, how often? I do but not very often these days. The joys of being a work at home employee

56. Do you wear high heels? If so, how often? I can wear high heels but don’t do it very often

57. How much jewelry do you typically wear? I am not a big jewelry person so necklace, watch and normally my wedding band but it needs to be resized. My fingers are thinner now

58. How much makeup do you typically wear? I’m a minimalist unless the occasion calls for more

59. How often do you wear a bra? Every day

60. How often do you wear flannel? Only in the winter and on occasion.

61. Have you ever worn a suit? Not a men’s suit

62. Do you wear any shoes such as combat boots, Doc Martins or Timberlands? I live in the Northeast so everyone owns Tims for the winter

63. Do you carry a purse? Sometimes

64. Do you wear any hats such as snapbacks or beanies? Not very often but I do own a few

65. Have you ever worn any men’s clothing? I love men’s basketball shorts. So damn comfy and perfect for lounging around in  

66. Have you ever dressed in complete drag? No

67. Have you ever shared clothes with a girlfriend? Yes

68. If you want to get married, do you think you will wear a dress? I think if we renewed our vows I would

 ENTERTAINMENT:

69. Who is your favorite LGBT celebrity? I don’t think I have one

70. Have you ever watched The L Word? Some of the seasons

71. Have you ever watched Will & Grace? I have seen a few episodes

72. Have you ever watched RuPaul’s Drag Race? I have but I get annoyed with the bickering

73. How well do you feel LGBT women are portrayed on television? Stop killing off the gays and we would be in better shape

74. Do you listen to any LGBT musicians (i.e. Tegan & Sara, Melissa Etheridge, Chely Wright, Elton John, Sam smith, George Michael, Adam Lambert)? I don’t go out of my way to listen to them

75. Do you watch any LGBT YouTubers? Yes

76. Do you have a favorite LGBT themed movie? Not really

77. Do you have a favorite LGBT themed blog or website? I guess After Ellen

78. Do you read any LGBT magazines? No

79. Have you read any LGBT themed literature? If so, do you have any recommendations? I have but nothing I can think of to recommend at the moment

80. Is there such a thing as “good” lesbian porn? Considering most lesbian porn is for men to get off on it would seem there isn’t but some does exist.

 THIS OR THAT:

81. Boobs or butts? I do love both but its butts for me

82. Beer or wine? I don’t drink either. I am a hard liquor kind of girl

83. Ellen or Portia? I guess Portia. I am totally not into Ellen at all.

 BEING (SOMEWHAT) RANDOM:

84. How much do you like cats? I own one

85. Have you ever been to a gay bar or a gay club? Yes

86. How many LGBT friends do you have? A few

87. Do you have any LGBT relatives? I’m not that close to many of my relatives but I am sure there are a couple in there

88. Have you ever used any words (or variations of) such as lesbian, queer, gay, or homosexual as a password? Thanks for the suggestion I have never used any of those

89. How outdoorsy are you? I don’t consider myself outdoorsy

90. Have you ever driven an SUV, Jeep, or pickup truck? I do own an SUV

91. How many rainbow items do you own? I have a couple gay pride shirts

92. Have you ever celebrated National Coming Out Day (Oct. 11)? No

93. Have you ever participated in the National Day of Silence? Never heard of it

94. Have you ever attended a GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) type of club? Not even in college

95. Have you ever attended a PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) meeting? No

96. Have you ever attended a gay or lesbian wedding? Yes

97. Have you ever been part of a softball team? In high school I was on the team

98. Do you skateboard or longboard at all? Not in a while. I would probably bust my ass skateboarding

99. Do you play any video games? That is my stress reliever at times

 FROM 1-10, HOW ATTRACTIVE ARE:

100. Muscular women? 4

101. Women who wear glasses? 10 – Glasses are fucking sexy

102. Women who are covered with tattoos? 4

103. Women who are covered with piercings? 1

104. Curvy/plus-sized women? 7 – I don’t mind curves at all

105. Women with short hair? 5

106. Highly intelligent women? 8

107. Tall women (i.e. around 1.83 meters/6 feet or taller)? 5

108. Masculine/butch women? 5

 GETTING SERIOUS:

109. What does equality mean to you? Just like the definition - the state of being equal, especially in status, rights, and opportunities.

110. Do you consider yourself a feminist? I do

111. Do you eat meat at all? I love a good steak

112. Are you religious at all? I’m not into organized religion but I have my beliefs

113. Did you vote for Hillary Clinton? Yes

114. How do you feel when platonic female friends refer to each other as girlfriends? Doesn’t bother me

115. How do you feel when people use the word gay to mean things such as stupid, dumb, boring, or idiotic? I dislike it

116. Are you comfortable with terms such as lezzie, lesbo, dyke, homo, or tranny? I don’t say them

117. What are your views on gender identity and bathroom use? Unisex bathrooms so we can end this debate

118. Do you have any opinions on LGBT people in the military? I have no problem with it at all.

119. Have you ever been called a gay slur? Yes

120. Have you ever been queer bashed? No

121. Have you ever been discriminated against because or your sexuality or gender identity? If so, please explain. No

122. Does it really get better? As I get older I find it does get better.

123. How did you feel on June 26, 2015? My marriage was finally legal

124. How accepting of LGBT people is the city/community you live in? I’ve never encountered an issue

125. Have you ever tried to “pray the gay away”? No

126. How annoyed are you with how heteronormative society is? Doesn’t bother me

127. What LGBT stereotype do you most disagree with?  gay men are feminine and less of a man because they are gay.

128. Is there anything about the LGBT community that you wish you knew before coming out? How judgmental some people are within the LGBT community  

129. What advice would you give to a girl who is struggling to figure out her sexuality? You don’t have to put a label on your sexuality. Sometimes it just takes time to figure things out.

130. What advice would you give to a girl who is struggling to come out? Don’t let people pressure you to come out. Do it on your own terms.

#all about me #and my sexuality