#Reddit literally is trying to prevent me from leaving
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I am trying to delete my Reddit account but I keep getting an error message instead.
#star speaks#Reddit literally is trying to prevent me from leaving#Like I barely even use the site anymore#If I do use it it's only to lurk while logged out on the TMNT sub
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The batfam on reddit
(this got long so lmk if you want me to do the others)
TIFU by mistaking my brother for hummus by u/dickwings
So I (27M) like to do my work in the kitchen while having a pre-gym snack. Since there wasn't any food in the fridge or anyone around to cook, I decided to keep it simple with some chips and hummus. About ten minutes later, my younger brother, let's call him "Tim" (17M), sat down next to me because he wanted me to check his work too.
I was fully engrossed in my work and my body was on autopilot as I dipped the hummus. Meanwhile, Tim's hand was on the table. Both of them were just outside my peripheral vision.
You can see where this is going.
I wish there was something dramatic like him yelling or me smashing food against his face. Literally ANYTHING would've been better than what actually happened, which was that I softly caressed the back of his hand with a pita chip while he just stared at me without saying a word.
I promptly packed up my stuff and I'm currently hiding in my apartment because we're supposed to have a family dinner but I don't know if I can look him in the eye.
Comments
local-zombie: I'm calling it, this is fake. No one is this dumb.
├— redrobin: idk, sounds pretty convincing to me
├—— local-zombie: What are you, his brother?
thatpurplething: Thank you, I really needed this today after I called the Riddler "Mom"
├— orphanized: well now you gotta tell us, you can't just leave us hanging
├— official-batman: If you think that's bad, try accidentally throwing your wife's elderly cat at the ceiling.
├—— kitty-central: Try thinking you can leave your husband in charge of a living creature for one afternoon
├——— lesbian-premium: Everyone's just fucking up today huh?
├———— notmysecretanimeaccount: Not me, I was born perfect.
pennyworthy: Perhaps a red pepper hummus can prevent this from happening in the future.
├— your-tired-librarian: He should go with spinach just to be safe.
├—— i-am-the-darkness-i-am-the-light: Next post: TIFU by mistaking Killer Croc for hummus
#dick grayson#nightwing#tim drake#red robin#jason todd#damian wayne#duke thomas#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#barbara gordon#kate kane#alfred pennyworth#selina kyle#bruce wayne#batman#batfam#batfamily#batbros#batboys#batgirls#batkids#batsiblings#batman family#batfam social media#dc comics#social media au#tw swearing#tw food mention#ask#anonymous
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Its funny but...
Y'all keep calling us the "Anti-rwde" or whatever, talking about how we "outnumber you?"
Look, fact of the matter is, we just want to enjoy a fun and cool show without somebody pouring over the show looking for a speck of dirt to complain about at every opportunity.
That's not saying anything about the various rwby fans you harass.
Whenever we say "Let us enjoy RWBY!" Your response is basically claiming that you feel that we don't let you rant about how much you hate it.
And no, seriously. I have YET to see a positivity post...unless it was about attacking others for it.
If you don't like RWBY's writing? MOVE ON. Can't you see that your obsession with trying to find something wrong with a show people enjoy is hurting others?
Anon, it's very clear that no, you don't just want to enjoy RWBY because you came here and took the time to write an insulting rant in my inbox. From day one RWDE has been a very small corner of the fandom that can be easily circumvented by using the block tool. You could have the entirety of RWBY criticism off your dash and searches with a couple of clicks. The RWBY reddit succeeded in making a separate forum for anything deemed remotely negative years ago. And though I can't speak for Twitter or Youtube, the same basic premise of cultivating your own social media experience applies.
I don't harass anyone, either fan or creator.
I've never claimed that fans can't enjoy RWBY, or taken steps to try and prevent that. I still enjoy a lot of what RWBY has to offer.
"I have YET to see a positivity post... unless it was about attacking others for it" - really? Than you obviously didn't look very hard considering the fandom is filled with positivity, just like any other.
No, oddly enough me writing personal posts on a personal blog that people only read if they want to isn't hurting anyone. Stop trying to frame a webseries opinion you don't agree with as a dangerous, moral failing. What I choose to write about has no bearing on what you do with your free time. You want to enjoy a cool show? Go do that. Literally no one is stopping you! The obsession here is not a fan discussing the pitfalls and future hopes for a show she's invested in, but those like you who see something you don't like on a public website and, instead of doing the mature thing of passing it by, send anonymous hate that tries to dictate how a total stranger should engage with a show. There are only two options here. Either you're honestly incapable of seeing how fucked up that is, in which case you should not be on a site like tumblr that houses a very wide variety of content and opinions... or you simply enjoy leaving vitriol and feeling superior about it far more than you enjoy engaging with the RWBY content that actually brings you joy.
Based on my 6+ years in the fandom, I'm banking on the latter.
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Eda’s New Powers
Before delving into this theory I’d like to thank zasmit132 (reddit) for helping me with this theory and some of it coming from his own theory as well. (https://www.reddit.com/r/TheOwlHouse/comments/ordb0s/theory_of_the_day_12_edas_new_bard_magic_bile/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Check out his other theories they are great finds!
In “Eda’s Requien” we get to see a new power literally called Eda’s Requiem. When Eda plays the lute, she is using bard magic that has an effect on the surrounding areas. At first it seems like Eda is getting her powers back but then it stops. What was interesting is after playing for a bit, the curse combines with her bard magic and causes erosion on random objects. This new power, which will be called Eda’s Requiem, only activates when she plays the lute and the power activates a little bit after playing. The ability of this new power destroys objects and magic at random. This power is very new and unique to Eda but it will have great importance in the future.
How and Why
The curse affects Eda’s magic and makes her powerless most of the time. She can do a little bit of magic, but it doesn’t work right or at all. However, Eda is able to perform Bard magic when playing her lute. Although it is for a short time, she is able to levitate objects with her Bard magic in the surrounding area.. It seems that Bard magic is the only type of magic not depleted by the curse. At least not to the extent of her other magic. However, her gem starts to glow and her curse starts to combine with her Bard magic. Instead of depleting her magic, it causes certain objects to erode (it is still unknown if it’s depleting magic itself or it’s a special ability that causes decay). If the curse was affecting her Bard magic, it would deplete or cancel Eda’s magic, not the surrounding area affected by her Bard magic. Also the curse does not have this effect on other types of magic she can use, so it seems exclusive to Bard magic. The curse is combining it’s depletion properties with her Bard magic when she plays the lute, but it’s at random and still limited and uncontrollable on her own.
Now the question is why Bard magic? Eda’s curse depleted her magic, which means her Bard magic shouldn’t be possible. Yet she plays the lute and is able to levitate objects for a limited time in conjunction with her curse. The reason Bard magic is able to combine with the curse is because of her connection to Raine and her emotional state. When she plays the lute, it’s a distraction from her current negative emotions (Luz and King leaving and not being needed/important). She has a very strong connection to the lute because it brings her back to Raine, her old friend/crush. The new power does cause more destruction than good but that’s because of the curse. Her strong connection to Raine could be the reason her Bard magic is more powerful than her other magic and the curse is able to combine with it to create a new power. Hence why it’s called Eda’s requiem (the power/song, not the episode).
Importance
This power can cause erosion to anybody, anything, and/or magic. Right now she does not have full control of this power and it randomly selects the target to be destroyed. However, if Eda can control this new power, she could manipulate what the power targets instead of being random. She could even upgrade her Bard magic to extend her range or extent of destruction. However she controls her power, it will be very important further in the series. Especially on “Day of Unity”. There are three ways she could stop “Day of Unity” with her new controlled powers. 1) She could erase the tattoos controlling the Coven witches and sealing magic. By freeing the Coven witches of their mark, she not only stops Belos from controlling them, but the witches gain their abilities back which could either stop Belos’s plan and/or strengthen witches to oppose him. 2) Eda could cure or stop Belos’s curse. How Belos was cursed is a mystery but we can tell it came from wild magic. From what we have witnessed in “Hunting Palisman” it seems to take over his entire body and is reduced to a muddish goop. He fights the curse but it seems painful and harder to control without Palisman. Eda’s new power could destroy Belos’s curse if it has the power to deplete magic and not destroy the object. She could erase the curse using her new powers and rid Belos his pain and suffering. Not sure if it will stop him from performing his plan but it’s a possibility she could rid him of his curse. 3) She could use it to destroy the portal gate (not the door). Belos is building a gate surrounding the portal door. This seems to be very important for “Day of Unity”. It could be a device along with the spell to merge the two realms together. Eda could use her power to destroy the gate instantly which would ruin Belos’s plan However this power is being used, it will be very important and possibly become a great asset to stop Belos’s “Day of Unity”.
Reappearance in “Knock, Knock, Knockin on Hooty’s Door”
Although the synopsis for this episode has been released, this section does contain spoilers related to the leaked(?) picture from the episode guide from Gracenote. If you do not want to be spoiled from the description of that picture please do not read past this as it is not important to the theory and more of a possibility of reappearance in the next episode. You have been warned.
The episode description for “Knock, Knock, Knocking on Hooty’s Door” is Hooty helping out with Luz, Eda, and King’s problems. For Eda, we thought it was related to her curse. It still very much is, but it’s related to her new powers, not just the curse itself. Again, her new powers are a combination of Bard magic and her curse. But it can only be activated when playing her lute, which is locked up in her chest. Eda may be hesitant to try this new power or even play the lute.
After Raine sacrifices themselves to save Eda, Eda is going to be saddened and guilt ridden. Although she was able to stay strong in front of King and Luz, she may act differently when alone. She could also be frustrated when playing the lute (if she does play it) because the new power isn’t working like before. It could be both. This is where Hooty notices this and wants to help Eda with controlling her new powers. Because the new powers are related to her curse, she has to confront the Owl Beast again. In the Gracenotes episode guide, there was an image of Eda and the Owl Beast facing each other. Notice how the background is the same background as the hilltop as Eda’s flashback of her and Raine hanging out together, only it’s darker colors (dark blue, black, red). This flashback was supposed to be a happy memory of her time with Raine, but now will be a reminder of what she thinks will never happen again. The guilt in the beginning prevents her from playing the lute and/or activation of her new power.
However, Eda seems determined to confront the Owl Beast. Although not definitive, it could mean she is ready to take on the Owl Beast as well as her guilt. Eda may be strong, but she does show signs of vulnerability just not in front of others. That guilt either blocks her new powers from activating or prevents herself from playing the lute. Hooty helps Eda with her unresolved guilt of Raine’s sacrifice and Eda is able to face off against the Owl Beast again, determined. Instead of trying to gain control of her Owl Beast form, she will try grasping her new powers. By the end of the episode she won’t fully gain control. Eda’s loss of Raine and other issues (abandonment, familial tension, etc) won’t be resolved that easily. But she can start to move forward and gain an understanding of her new powers and control it someday. We may even find out more about this power beyond erosion/destruction. Again this is just pure conjecture on my part. This may not happen at all. There are two instances where we see the Owl Beast (the Gracenote promo picture and trailer clip) so it is possible it will be in “Knock, Knock, Knocking on Hooty’s Door”. How and why it happens is purely unknown. All we know is it will be related to Eda's recent events and issues and Hooty will be the one to help her out. This is just pure speculation based on images, descriptions and past episodes. What do you guys think? I'd love to hear your ideas on Eda’s new power known as Eda’s requiem.
#the owl house#toh#toh spoilers#toh season 2#eda clawthorne#raine whispers#toh eda#luz noceda#king clawthorne#toh king#toh luz#toh curse#toh bard magic#toh theory#edas requiem#knock knock knockin on hootys door#toh hooty#spoilers under keep reading#toh theories#toh owl beast#toh owl curse
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Bubbline fanfic rec list
I did it. I made a master rec list of good Bubbline fanfics. Will keep updating this until I leave the fandom.
Grouped by setting (eg. Highschool AU, AT universe, Family AU etc.) in alphabetical order. They’re all romantic bubbline unless stated otherwise. This is a living document so I’ll be updating it every now and then with new fics and stuff. For any questions, changes or additions, please feel free to pm me on reddit/tumblr @hillariat
*SMUT = A significant portion of the fic is dedicated to SMUT
*some SMUT= A part of the fic has explicit smut, but it isn't a major part of the story
*UwU=personal faves
calamitous love
Author: lexaproeighty
Setting: Astronaut AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 1,173
Tags: Fluff, emotionally stupid PB.
Summary: Author’s summary: bonnie's in her feelings. oh, and about to go into space.
what was missing
Author: spookyscaryskeletons (Buttons15)
Setting: AT universe
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 8,678
Tags: Fluff, emotionally constipated PB.
Summary: Honestly the most solid, canon compliant take on their relationship. I loved this shit and half my headcanons are from here.
Author’s summary: In which Bonnie has feelings, she does, but feelings are hard and complicated and she rather ignore them until they punch her in the face.
Let you Lead
Author: purplebutterflies
Setting: AT universe
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 1,225
Tags: Fluff, Mild comedy,Marceline being an idiot
Summary: Marceline being a useless gay and Bonnie taking the lead. Writing gets better after the inciting incident, trust me.
After UwU
Author: 61wisampa
Setting: AT universe
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 23,888
Tags: Major character death, Grieving, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Moving On, Friendship
Summary: This shit be an intense feels trip yo. Like an "I stayed up ‘til 6am" kind of intense. I had to reread this fic twice in order to emotionally process everything. It definitely isn't your average bubbline angst.
Author’s summary: It was hard, having someone similar yet different. It kept Marceline stuck walking along the line that prevented her from moving on.
Everybody Knows Your Name
Author: Sunshine18
Setting: AT universe
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 8,671
Tags: Exes, Discussion of past abuse, past Ash being an asshole, pre-bubbline
Summary: Solid exploration of PB and Marcy as exes and how they started becoming "civil" post breakup. References to major events in early AT and how PB and Marcy were affected. Can be read independently of “Contact” even though it is a sequel of that.
Bitter Sugar UwU
Author: QueenOfTheRevue (on both Ao3 and FFN)
Setting: AT universe
Status | Wordcount: Discontinued | 72,000
Tags: Political drama, Arranged marriage, Political Conspiracy, fantasy
Summary:The plot's so intense it deserves to be in a goddamn Kdrama. Literally never read anything else like it in the fandom. A well done, intense drama set in a unique political landscape. Hybrid democratic monarchies, Age old conspiracies, fandom references, Marceline in military uniform, c'mon just read it!.
Musicology series
Author: CountingWithTurkeys
Setting: AT universe
Status | Wordcount: Ongoing | 625,723 (as of 06/02/2021)
Tags: Canon compliant, angst, fluff, mindfuckery, sociopathic people, some SMUT
Summary: Set in a possible but not probable AT universe. Darker and heavier overall tone. It's the kind of fic that will give your brain a workout. Dysfunctional Bubbline that becomes healthier. Solid portrayal of dysfunction with a believable interpretation of PB and Marcy
VR
Author: deltau
Setting: AT universe
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 7,004
Tags: Fluff, SMUT, virtual reality, shapeshifting
Summary: Bonnie gets her VR machine working and the couple delves into the realm of Marcy's mind. Bonnie makes some pleasant discoveries and afterwards they have some fun time.
Our perfect disease
Author: JupiterDelphinus
Setting: AT universe
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 112,000
Tags: Non-chronological, anthology, some SMUT, fluff, hurt/comfort, canon divergent
Summary: Past, present and future scenes from the pair. Tone and ratings (G to EXPLICIT) vary according to the chapter. Each chapter is a self contained narrative that helps build the overarching Bubbline story. Very cute, very uwu feels.
Apples after Midnight series
Author: Xekstrin
Setting: AT universe
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 18,565
Tags: SMUT, feels, fluff
Summary: Starts off smutty but then has a lot of feels. Has a legitimate exes romance plot.
The One Where There's No Gunther
Author: ijemanja (on both Ao3 and FFN)
Setting: Coffee Shop AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 8,899
Tags: Comedy, Fluff
Summary: Has very good AT-esque dialogue.I can actually imagine the characters saying the lines.
Author's summary: All are welcome at the Coffee Kingdom, even pain in the ass vampire queens. (No Ice Kings, though.)
Double Sugar, Extra Whip
Author: amphitrite
Setting: Coffee Shop AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 4,067
Tags: College, Fluff
Summary: Classic coffee shop AU. Think a Vanilla latte. You know what you're getting
Palpitations
Author: ValhallaKoala
Setting: Coffee Shop AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 6,298
Tags: Comedy, College, Adorable af
Summary: Author's summary: Black coffee tastes just as good as a caramel macchiato, right? Right!?
Or
Bonnibel is socially inept and makes some questionable decisions.
Viscosity UwU
Author: The Denominator
Setting: College AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 9,049
Tags: Feels, non-chronological, sexual references
Summary: College AU but definitely not a classic college AU. It's one of a kind, makes you feel
C's get degrees
Author: megapidgeots
Setting: College AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 102,550
Tags: Comedy, fluff, feels, just college roomies getting along
Summary: Classic College AU, you get what you see.
Author's summary: Bonnie has just started her first year of University, and finds she has a mostly neutral-verging-on-hesitantly-positive opinion of her new roommate, Marceline.
Cliché
Author: Abadeerly (on both Ao3 and FFN)
Setting: College AU
Status | Wordcount: Ongoing | 67,493 (06/02/2021)
Tags: Comedy, fluff
Summary:College AU but you try to cram as many tropes in as possible. It's fun
Five.
Author: Abadeerly (on both Ao3 and FFN)
Setting: College AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 7,883
Tags: Fluff
Author’s summary:The other woman hesitated, eyes doing that thing where they narrowed and seemingly judged Bonnibel for existing, and then she sighed. “I don’t hate you,” She murmured and Bonnibel felt a weird feeling of what felt like relief come over her.
Escort
Author: breeeliss
Setting: College AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 21,058
Tags: SMUT, sexual tension, teasing, build up
Summary: Marcy is a tease and Bonnie is a thot.
Show and Tell
Author: Abadeerly (on both Ao3 and FFN)
Setting: College AU
Status | Wordcount: Ongoing | 1,527 (as of 06/02/2021)
Tags: soon to be SMUT, Camgirl, toys, strong sexual references
Summary: Character interactions (so far) are adorable and endearing. Really makes you ship them
Entry 38 UwU
Author: deltau
Setting: College AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 5,969
Tags: SMUT, sad feels, strap-on, car sex
Summary: Smut and sad feels
Happy Birthday, Kitten
Author: Abadeerly (on both Ao3 and FFN)
Setting: College Party AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 3,030
Tags: SMUT, car sex, praise kink, Top! Bonnie
Summary: Cop Bonnie and Party girl Marcy. That is all. Come get your Top! Bonnie smut
Coincidence
Author: mellish
Setting: College AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 5,932
Tags: Fluff, Angst, Break up, Sad ending
Summary: “It’s like holding a test tube and not knowing what’s inside it, not knowing how much damage will be done if it breaks apart.” Traces their relationship from beginning to end. Has my fave ending line of all fics on this list.
Groupies Wanna Get Fucked
Author: Abadeerly (on both Ao3 and FFN)
Setting: Concert, human AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 4,973
Tags: SMUT
Summary: Author's summary: Bonnibel's NOT a groupie. Except, she is because this is smut. Enjoy! :)
Chemistry
Author: laurenjauregui (Ao3) / we4retheincrowd (FFN)
Setting: Concert, human AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 2,784
Tags: First meeting
Summary: Very cute character interaction. Short and sweet.
40 Weeks
Author: Plesiosaur
Setting: Family AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 221,000
Tags: Pregnancy, Cavity inducing fluff, Slice of life, sexual references
Summary: Domestic grown adult bubbline? Check. Hella extra know it all Bonnie? Check. Snarky Marcy? Check. Some deep feels and backstory? Check. Tooth rotting bubbline fluff? Check. Why the hell aren't you reading this?? This story is really good, starts slow but really picks up after like chapter 12
Pray for the Preacher's daughter UwU
Author: reliquiaen (Ao3) / ArcaFeretory (FFN)
Setting: Highschool AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 232,197
Tags: Slow burn
Summary:THE fic for the Bubbline fandom. Its the fic that everyone knows and recommends and for good reason. Strong execution of the Punk x Goody two shoes formula.Just... read it if you’d read HS AUs
Anonymous UwU
Author: laurenjauregui (Ao3) / we4retheincrowd (FFN)
Setting: Highschool AU
Status | Wordcount: Ongoing | 229,681 (as of 27/03/2021)
Tags: Slow burn, fluff, TW for abuse
Summary:The second coming of Pray for the preacher's daughter. JK. Seriously though it's a good slow burn with quality that is as good, if not better than, Pray for the preacher's daughter. The bubbline duo in this fic are just,, pure. So pure I can feel the cavities. Also the author updates every week (as of 6/02/2021)
High School Confidential
Author: gloss
Setting: Highschool AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 1,085
Tags: Fluff, Flirting
Summary: Marceline never gets too attached to one place or person. In fact, it's probably for the best because her family constantly moves from place to place like nomads. She might stick around this time though. Cute interactions and flirting.
Variants
Author: laurenjauregui (Ao3) / we4retheincrowd (FFN)
Setting: Highschool AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 4,918
Tags: Fluff
Author’s summary:Every species has its variants. Bonnie's just trying to figure out which ones are good and which ones are bad.
A love like war
Author: laurenjauregui (Ao3) / we4retheincrowd (FFN)
Setting: Highschool AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 433,715
Tags: Slow burn
Summary: Bonnie moves from New York to some tiny af town in the middle of nowhere. She is not happy.
Different UwU
Author: laurenjauregui (Ao3) / we4retheincrowd (FFN)
Setting: Highschool AU
Status | Wordcount: Discontinued | 25,022
Tags: Cavity inducing sweet Fluff, Autism, discrimination
Summary: Very sweet and fluffy. Like an I will need to go to the dentist level fluff. Characterisation is a bit OOC but it's a very well written piece. I would send this to people who aren't in the fandom and say it's an original piece. It's that good.It ends off in a good place too.
Tourniquet
Author: alizarin_scribbles
Setting: Highschool AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 7,883
Tags: Mutual Pining, Angst, Sad ending
Summary: Star crossed lovers that were so close.
Author’s summary: How they were now was normal enough, not too intimate or indifferent in any respect. Back then, their relations simply didn't have any room for change. Now, Bonnie couldn't help but wonder exactly how such casual acquaintanceship had led to the ghostlike fire currently trickling through her veins.
Glandular Fever
Author: reliquiaen (Ao3) / ArcaFeretory (FFN)
Setting: Highschool AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete |3,740
Tags: Comedy, Fluff
Summary: Author's summary: In which I bundled all the awkward situations I could into a oneshot... and then made them worse.
the secret admirer
Author: laurenjauregui (Ao3) / we4retheincrowd (FFN)
Setting: Highschool AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete |4,724
Tags: Fluff, tooth rotting fluff, Bonnie being a disaster, Marceline being soft
Summary: Author’s summary: #ohsconfession220: To the girl who always hangs out in the library with the red hair and round glasses and freckles i think you’re the cutest person i’ve ever seen pls date me
Bonnie has a secret admirer... and she kind of hates it.
Will You Sign My Cast?
Author: bigpinkbaguette
Setting: Highschool AU
Status | Wordcount: Ongoing |22,122
Tags: Angst, slowburn, childhood friends, enemies to lovers
Summary: The slow burn that hurts so, so much. Otherwise known as Bonnie is too emotionally constipated to deal with the baggage she has with Marceline.
Slacker
Author: CandiedSweets
Setting: Highschool AU
Status | Wordcount: Ongoing |36,806
Tags: Fluff, angst, Bonnie being the most useful gay ever, Useless gay Marceline
Summary: *gasps, a multi-chapter high school AU that isn't a slowburn?! Yep you heard right!
Author’s summary: Marceline’s missed a few days of school and a certain pink haired classmate brings her the work she’s missed, but accidentally finds out something about her in the process.
Bass Guitars and Grandad's Ashes
Author: LastOneFromHometown
Setting: Road trip AU
Status | Wordcount: Ongoing | 41,448 (as of 27/03/2021)
Tags: Comedy, feels, trippy af, slight angst
Summary: Somehow makes even a funeral comedic. Has a very wild and funny charm to it whilst still having moments of feels. Trippy af, really has some AT vibes in it. Fun read.
Hooligans on the Highway
Author: Valverbek
Setting: Road trip AU
Status | Wordcount: Ongoing | 13,123 (as of 27/03/2021)
Tags: Comedy, fluff, established relationship
Summary: A lighthearted and fun read about the gang going on a road trip for Finn’s 21st. Cute & chaotic vibes.
Slaughterhouse UwU
Author: Plesiosaur
Setting: Serial Killer AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 6,846
Tags: Murder, police, gore
Summary: Who'd be the best match for our beloved serial killer? Why, another psycho of course. One of my personal favorites
The Prolific Works of the Arctic Butcher
Author: HaveFunStormingTheCastle
Setting: Working adults AU
Status | Wordcount: Ongoing | 40,627 (as of 27/03/2021)
Tags: angst, feels, exes, murder mystery,serial killer, slow burn, reunions
Summary: Bonnibel is the mayor of Kingdom city. When seemingly unconnected and unsolved murders begin popping up left and right, Bonnie starts doing her own investigations, believing that there may be more than meets the eye. Somehow that brings her on a collision course with Marceline, successful rockstar extraordinaire and her ex. Circumstances force them both to examine their shared past and revisit the destruction they each left in their wake as they investigate a sinister killer with seemingly devious intentions for them both.
There she is (Or what to do when your ex is back in town)
Author: durantesknight
Setting: Working adults AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 11,586
Tags: Exes, feels
Summary: A fascinating translation of the Bubbline relationship into a modern setting. This shit legit got me feeling.
Author's summary: Its been seven years since the last time Bonnie and Marceline saw each other, things weren't okay back then, they're not better now.
40 Weeks prequel series (can be read independently of each other and 40 weeks) :
Author: Plesiosaur
Setting: Working adults AU
1)This Could Be The Start Of Something
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 8,214
Tags: Graduation, first meeting, mild homophobia, anaphylaxis
Summary:Marceline and Jake crash a graduation party for free drinks. An ambulance was called.
2)To Fall, Gently And Otherwise
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 4,628
Tags: Fluff
Author's summary: Set between chapters one and two of This Could Be The Start Of Something. After three years of sharing an apartment Marceline really should know better than to take Jake's date advice.
3)Counterpoint
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 3,065
Tags: Hurt/comfort, intellectual rivalry, differing opinions on alternative medicine, historical character death, feels
Author's summary: Even the most perfect couples can clash when they believe in fundamentally different things. But is Bonnie ready to swallow her pride and apologize even when she thinks she's in the right?
First and Last
Author: Plesiosaur
Setting: Working adults AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 15,351
Tags: hurt/comfort, feels, family, repressed gay
Summary: Just....intense feels
Orion
Author: NightBearrors
Setting: Working adults AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 8,750
Tags: angst, hurt/comfort, feels, exes, ambiguous end
Summary: Their reunion was like a tangent, colliding once only to depart again.
Dough
Author: ArrowOvis
Setting: Working adults AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 1707
Tags: angst, feels, exes, implied rape
Summary: Author summary: Dough can be a lot of things - wet, dry, fluffy, flat, pre-mixed, under-mixed...a lot. But most importantly, it can be shaped into something it wasn't before. Whether that is a good or a bad thing, only time can tell.
Alternatively titled: Bonnibel Buchman got screwed over and doesn't deal with it well.
Stripped
Author: Asharyn
Setting: Working adults AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 14,708
Tags: Fluff, some SMUT
Summary: Where Bonnie be whipped for Marcy. And vice versa. Honestly, just fluff and smut stripper AU.
End Of The World
Author: Plesiosaur
Setting: Zombie Apocalypse AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 3,465
Tags: Death, Gore, feels
Summary: zombie apocalypse AUs are basically non-existent for this ship, so here's a good one.
Experiments
Author: spookyscaryskeletons (Buttons15)
Setting: Zombie Apocalypse AU
Status | Wordcount: Complete | 9,194
Tags: Death, Gore, feels,angst
Summary: If you’ve ever wanted to read a zombie AU written by an actual doctor this is it. It's good. Set in The Last of Us (TLOU) universe though you can go into this without knowing anything about TLOU and still have a good experience.
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Theorizing Amelia and One's backstory based on implicit storytelling
Hmmm infinity train possibly not getting a continuation got me thinking more about Amelia and One-One's implicit story throughout the books. Since the train in Book 4 still works on One's "in a literal sense [the passengers] are numbers to him" and "if they dont sort their problems they'll die here" ideal and not post-Tulip "every passenger's wellbeing and progress is important," the state of the train prior to Ryan and Min is a big mystery, and what specifically happens after to Amelia and One One is another mystery.
I saw @suppuration 's post (which unfortunately can't link since, mobile) about how Book 1 of Infinity Train is about One One experiencing and learning to act as a denizen for Tulip, and while he was mindwiped it must have a big impact to how he does his role as the conductor now and before, when he was just one entity.
Long analysis ahead
One = Simon
Book 4 One reminds me of... Simon. Simon "but you are not a person" Laurent. One is colder and more aloof towards passengers, and seeing them as just "numbers," which is similar to Simon's views at nulls and lack of respect of agency. While he got amnesia and his experience with Tulip made One-One realize his inactiveness has also hindered the purpose of the train as well as a sense of guilt on things that were not his fault (Amelia's cars in the train), he does strive to change, but Amelia still remembers and internalizes what she knows One was in the past, hence she still refers to his old name and had to read his instruction card to remind herself of his new ideals.
Moreover, Book 4 shows Stewards being in charge in train maintenance in the past. Reddit AMA said that in the present the Stewards are almost all destroyed in the coup besides the one Amelia outfitted with weaponry and One One used as transport in Book 2. Book 3 saw One One using humans like Amelia for maintenance, which shows that he is more willing to give agency to the passengers rather than lock them up in place while the Stewards do their jobs. So unlike Simon, there is growth.
Amelia = Hazel, but not really
One conforming to rigid power structure and not really considering anyone's agency like Simon and Pre-Hazel Grace makes Amelia seem like Hazel in this metaphor, which is appropriate that she is her 'clone' or imaginary child. And like Amelia entered One's and life resulting in his mysterious split, Hazel entered Simon and Grace's lives to split them (even if One One dont go separate ways like them, and stayed together) after she experience a personal loss that they caused or 'denied to unreverse' (in Amelia's case). Hazel made them both the chance to question, rethink, and restart their ideals but Simon didn't take it, while Amelia at first tried to give constructive feedback to One before executing the coup and also fell into One's problem of not recognizing others' agencies by 1) throwing away One One and possibly removing his memory 2) forcibly taking away the support system for the passengers to navigate their problems like Ryan and Min-Gi thinking its giving them agency to "individuate" and be on their own, when in the case of Ryan and Min it just reiterated their trauma.
Also her contradictory way of thinking is why in the end Amelia's belief of the other passenger's agency ends up being fallible and destroyed as she becomes more violating and just altogether doesn't want passengers to leave their cars. And I'm highkey convinced that the reason the Ghoms exist (but not in Book 4) is that she created them to prevent people from moving around freely, as there is no therapeutic reason for them to exist (that said the hand monster exists, but it is only in 1 car while Ghoms are numerous and everywhere in the wasteland, so this monster may explain One's aloofness to their wellbeing even further). She does have Ghom orb and used it in Atticus, so its really reasonable to think so. Plus it would be a logical thing that would add up to her numbers a lot and make Samantha the Cat dread her, yet still not make her numbers reach the top like Simon after directly trying to murder his friend.
Amelia's Loss
Though we're not sure because of how little screentime we have of them in Book 4, I do think Ryan and Min-Gi's attempt of staying together is a big foil too for Amelia's experience of abandonment, loss, yearning for the past, and loneliness. Therefore the Steward's first appearance was to reonnect the boys to their past by giving back their stuff, despite Amelia saying that she did that to "individuate" them (this may be directed for all the passengers but in this book's context it is about Min and Ryan's commitment to each other), and the second appearance Amelia specifically says "[they] are on their own." By the lens of Ryan and Min, Amelia is portrayed as a force that desires to separate them, not in a malicious nor personal manner, but maybe a projection of her own trauma of codependency with Alrick and not wanting the same to befall to Ryan and Min (it may also be jealousy but she hasn't shown any displeasure of that sort so it seems more like bad faith analysis) and the pther passengers. And in the end she releases everyone in the train from their 'dependency' by decomissioning the Stewards. Her actions, especially the former does have understandable motives and she isn't intending to harm anyone, but it happens anyway because in the end she disrespects their agency and pulled the whole train from under the rug.
Amelia = Lake & others
And the story of agency is central in Book 2, and how Lake fights for their recognition as a person and getting off from the train, to the point they have to confront One-One about it. It was the first time One One's imperfection is shown and how even now his standards for denizens has gotten better but not the best. Though he does end up respecting their agency and puts thought to it too. And a minor detail is that he mentions Atticus too in Book 2, meaning that he remembers him personally due to his experience as a denizen instead of just an instrument like in Book 4 (eg: Denizens like Kez being frozen kept of the blue during Steward visits), and he appreciates Alan Dracula too. So he did grow, even if its not perfect and his cold tendency and lesser view on denizens is still there. Yet One and Amelia's ideals of hierarchal superiority and the concept that denizens are worth nothing bleeds down to the Apex, who follows Amelia's footsteps after she has decided to refuse her former ideal to "individuate" passengers (as she has already used her outfit when finding Grace and if we think Amelia made the Ghoms then yeah it tracks), as well as Grace and Simon's own coping mechanisms of dealing with traumatic abandonment and loneliness being parallels to Amelia, through manipulating others and intruding on people's agencies respectively.
However, what I find interesting is that, like Lake, Amelia also got to the engine room and got to ask for favors from him. While the context is not clear as well as her lack of companions, if we parallel it to Lake's story and also considering Amelia's fallible interest to humanize the passengers to One, something similar might've happened.
Her story parallels with Ryan too, that wants to subvert expectations within his life even recklessly so at times that ends up hurting people (just like how she took over the train and hurt One and the other passengers), yet he deals with life better even after abandonment by Min. She also parallels heavily with Morgan, who was dependent on Jeremy and tried to isolate herself from her friend, Kez. And the big thing that Amelia lacks in this scenario, unlike Lake and Ryan, is that as said before, the distinct lack of companions she has. No one like Jesse or Min-Gi to ground and provide her company besides her desire for Alrick to come back, and doesn't show interest in forging new relationships and instead focused on her own stuff, just like Morgan grieved when Jeremy was gone. Amelia was both isolated and isolated herself further when she couped the train, and in the end like Morgan she turns from a caring person to someone that revokes agency. Though Morgan, in the end does decide to grieve herself and opens a window for her to reconnect with Kez, unlike Amelia who lost that opportunity and fell further to the dark due to cruel circumstance and her own actions.
And as for the reason why One One was split is mysterious and currently unexplained, Idk if this is an appropriate idea to connect to, but I feel like there's a possibility that he could've split himself or gave himself amnesia, as a way for him to deal with self isolation and or trauma from betrayal. Maybe he was even inspired by seeing Ryan and Min's commitment to each other? But again it is farfetched to judge as something tracks as of now.
Soo... tl;dr what i think happened.
During this era One only interacts with the passengers by maintaining the trains through the Stewards, without consideration of their well being or agency, hence the hand monster/Docent exists
Amelia enters the train and fights her way into the engine room to meet One, possibly asking her stuff back too
One decides to receive input from Amelia, who intends to humanize the passengers to him by giving them back their stuff, while akso taking interest to cultivate independence on the other passengers to avoid codependency like her
Amelia falls back to her dependency and asks One to bring Alrick back, he refuses, and she hijacks the train
As a way to give them freedom, Amelia releases all the passengers the rules the train binds them to and destroys all the Stewards that acted as maintenance before
One is sent to the snow car for 33 years. He is either split or mindwiped by Amelia or he performs this action himself
Amelia's idealism wavers over time and she gets obsessed in find orbs to create Alrick. Becomes more militaristic and creates her Conductor persona, outfitted the last Steward with guns, and created the Ghoms with her cannon
In order to make sure no passengers try any funny stuff and let her focus on her quest, she uses the Ghoms to make sure they are within order, and prefers passengers to no longer leave their cars. She ultimately has no control over that though therefore she can only minimize the problem
Book 1 happens, Amelia is ousted and decides to work under One One as a human steward and to fix her mistakes to repent
Feel free to add on or critique things because I might've missed/misintrepreted a lot
#infinity train#infinity train spoilers#it spoilers#amelia hughes#one one#one one infinity train#infinity train book 4#hazel infinity train#simon laurent#grace monroe#tulip olsen#lake infinity train#jesse cosay#ryan akagi#min gi park#min-gi park#kez infinity train#atticus infinity train#steward infinity train#alan dracula infinity train#alrick timmens#samantha the cat
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Read through light novel vol. 7. Random thoughts.
I swear Goblin Slayer looks like he's blushing through his armor on that cover. I don't blame him, given it's Cow Girl, but that's what it looks like.
I always get a laugh out of Goblin Slayer's completely unwillingness or inability to remember any type of monster outside of goblins. I think he only knows what vampires and dragon are because they're the most popular monster adventurers want to beat and thus the ones he'd hear about the most. He repeatedly can't remember what an ogre is despite dropping an ocean on one, nor the dark elf or troll, and I think last volume he needed a long minute to remember what giant rats are. No surprise he can't remember what the Loch Ness Monster's name was in this book, or what an elephant is. Mokele Mubenbe. It's hard for me to even pronounce that.
Lizard Priest was in the process of bringing each of the nuns upstairs into the chapel from the basement storehouse.
“Stay strong, now. When dawn breaks, we can take you somewhere less upsetting.”
“Thank you... Truly...”
“Think nothing of it. We may revere different deities, but monkeys came from lizards, in the end. That makes us cousins.”
“Heh-heh... You lizardmen...say the strangest...things...”
I don't say this often enough but Lizard Priest is just kind of the best, you know? He's like a big, scaly, green teddy bear. He's a very comforting presence and such an easy person for everyone, including those of different faiths like Priestess and the elves, to be friends with.
At first I was disappointed Priestess didn't get a cure poison miracle, given how often goblins come at the party using poisoned weapons, but her Purify miracle has certainly proved its usefulness, both for cleaning water and air as well as helping psychologically by cleaning up the victims of the goblins. Doesn't restore their stolen virginity but at least leaves less marks and filth for them to be constantly reminded what the goblins did to them. Plus, Goblin Slayer is no stranger to using smoke or poison gas, so Purify is probably good to have on hand to keep such methods from harming the party themselves.
In the middle of this flood of stories, Goblin Slayer said, “So this is your home.”
“That’s right.”
“That’s good.”
“Well—” High Elf Archer’s eyes narrowed like a smiling cat’s. “It’s where my heart is.”
Goblin Slayer nodded. Cow Girl blinked at him for a moment.
Then he said, “And there are goblins near it.”
The note of anger in his voice was unmistakable.
I love all the members of the party, so naturally I'm enjoying all the bonding moments between Goblin Slayer and High Elf Archer in this book, as well as the parallels he keeps drawing between them, especially in regards to their sisters. Their interactions are fun because their personalities contrast so much but in a different way than his and Priestess' or her and Dwarf Shaman's.
Then she went on, “Actually, even a lot of elvish adventurers act like that, especially if they’ve just left the forest.” It’s not that they have no sense of danger, just a poor grasp of scale.
That last bit is a good way of describing a lot of this series. There are people ignorant of how truly dangerous the goblins can be but outside of porcelain ranks it's usually not deliberately so. They just live in a world of other insanely large threats that don't like being ignored, with the elves in particular having members of their species whom lived through the old battles of the gods. Goblins are basically pests and goblin slaying pest control. They're a problem but barely a blip on the radar when you're comparing them to freaking Sauron, whom it feels like you just recently finally got rid of.
There is something absolutely hilarious to me that this man in dirty leather and steel armor, coated in faded red stains, who refuses to ever take his helmet off, barely talks, frequently walks in a manner that's described as violent, and who's sole obsession it is to wipe out every last goblin in existence, is known as The Kindest Man on the Frontier. But I still love it because it makes sense. Most villages on the frontier can't get help with their goblin problems because there's not a lot of fame or money in killing goblins and bigger threats are given more the priority, so they're just left on their own. But then Goblin Slayer comes in, doing the job without any thought to reward or praise. He's saved god knows how many kidnapped women prevented the destruction of countless villages. From the outside, yeah, it looks like just simple kindness. Get to know him a little better and you see that it's obsession. And when you get as close as Priestess and Cow Girl, you agree that it's kindness.
It's so cool that the elf adventurer the party saved on their first quest together made a reappearance, even if it's a small one. Like with Wizard's little brother wanting to avenge her, it's good to show that the people brutalized by the goblins aren't just props to show how serious the situation is. They're real (albeit fictional) people, who had their own lives and people who loved them, so having them still matter later in the story and them trying to get at least some closure is good writing.
I was talking with someone before in my vol. 6 post that something I really like about Goblin Slayer's character is his immaturity. Not that he's whiny and bratty like a kid but rather his trauma stunted him in a few ways. He likely had nothing to do with his village being attacked by goblins but to this day he blames himself for what happened to his sister, from him hiding and doing nothing to save her to in this volume believing she would have long moved on from their village if she didn't have to take care of him. Taking on all that blame and guilt, it's such a childish way of thinking and his trauma (and Burgler's training) meant he never was able to grow out of it. I can just see that little boy under the floorboards, thinking everything that's happening around him is some divine punishment from the gods for something bad he did, like not listening to his sister or getting mad at Cow Girl or literally anything else a kid would normally do.
This world has freaking elevators?! What?! When they first mentioned it I thought it was going to be something involving water or magic or gears, but no! Control panels, keypad, entering a code. It even goes bong when it arrives at its destination. I mean, they say it's not clear whether it operates magically or mechanically but this still feels like a big jump in this world's technology level, considering the most high tech thing I remember prior was ice cream making, and that was a chemical process. I just love the image of Goblin Slayer's party patiently waiting in the elevator as it's going up and soft muzak is playing.
By the time he noticed the change, it was too late. The goblin shaman’s blood had been turned to pure water.
WHOA! Priestess! What the f**k?! Was this her version of strangling the goblin champion with a bundle of hair?! That was awesome!
Also not good for her, given her beliefs. It's a good little conflict for her character and sets up some worry about what'll happen if she does something like this again. The Earth Mother spoke directly to her to warn this was a one-time deal. Would Priestess lose the ability to use Miracles or would the goddess outright smite her for such gross abuse of the powers she gave her? There's also the added conflict that Goblin Slayer praised her for what she did. He's not as important as the Earth Mother but he's still someone Priestess respects and is attached to more than anyone else, so she's going to be conflicted if his life is on the line again.
I've never played DOOM. Still love the reference with Hero.
...Is that why there was an elevator? Is this world some odd combination of DnD, Lord of the Rings, and DOOM?
Even though they showed his image, with everyone else all dressed up for the wedding I'm enjoying imagining Goblin Slayer in his normal armor, just with the addition of a bow tie.
Damn that bouquet tease. Who caught it?! Priestess?! Cow Girl?! Sword Maiden leaping in through the window?!
Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/GoblinSlayer/comments/fzwykz/read_through_light_novel_vol_7_random_thoughts/
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OCD Subtypes for the RPC
Part 1 is here
Well well well, we are back for Part 2 of the Roleplayer’s Guide to OCD.
Fellow Ocd Folks, I see you in those tags and I'm going to do my best to ensure those obsessions are represented here- BUT understand that physically it is not going to be possible to list every single one because I am one person. Regardless its incredibly brave of you all to rb and add things in the tags, I know its hard to talk about this shit and I see you. I see you.
Resultantly I typed this out and posted it in formatting to assist with accessibility in mind; if you cannot read it still ( I tried Im sorry!) i recommend the copy and paste method or getting the chrome extension bee-line reader.
There will be grammatical and spelling mistakes. Im sure spacing is odd some places, but you have to understand doing this is extremely anxiety provoking for me so Im just getting it done when I can.
Remember to use your critical thinking; not everyone has the same symptoms/compulsions/triggers and all that.
OCD is fluid. Its like liquid mercury. One day its a handful of subtypes another day its another different serving.
If you are in general squicked about certain topics even by mention read ahead with your own judgement. Remember us folks that have OCD have many disturbing and distressing experiences so if you are writing a character who has OCD and you can’t read about it just don’t give them that obsessive thought/ compulsion. Make sure writing is still a safe and enjoyable hobby for yourself first and foremost.
But ethically and morally I cannot and will not leave out the more disturbing bits. You have the ability to scroll by, I and many others do not get the chance to escape triggering content that our own mind creates.
So read ahead with your best judgement or at least skip around the squicky parts and educate yourself on what OCD is so people quite using it as a Obsessive Christmas/Corgi/Cat Disorder thing. Alright? Cool beans.
Okay so you made it passed post 1 and got under the read more. Give yourself a gold star for diving into this monster of a document.
Below is a crash course it is not meant to replace actual psychoeducation, personal research, or google. Honestly most of us do our research extensively but because OCD is treated so horribly by social media, media, and society in general.
I wasn’t sure where to throw these together because the education tools to learn fully about OCD are very specialized and thus very restricted. I found that many people DO have these experiences with OCD though so I will represent them throughout. I’ll also sprinkle some of my own experiences so you can get a good reference of a person who has the disorder and not just a randomly generated person.
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So OCD is made up of Obsessions, Trigger, Intrusive thought, Misinterpretation/feared consequence,Somatic and Psychological Anxiety, and Compulsions/Rituals.
Your character may not be able to list all of these. In fact if they aren't in ERP therapy they may not be able to puzzle these things out. But YOU as the writer should know them. Your character won’t be walking around talking to just ANYONE that they have OCD. Remember a huge aspect of OCD is it’s Shame. The disorder makes us feel intense shame regarding our intrusive thoughts, as a result OCD goes undiagnosed for years especially if it has pediatric onset.
We won’t tell anyone what we are experiencing or why we are doing x y or z. We act like nothing is wrong because to emotionally react is to admit to yourself- and therefore the world- that you have had this intrusive thought and are therefore by virtue a horrible person.[For further information I would suggest also researching PANDAS].
It may be noticeable if your character has an intrusive thought. They may wince or grimace or roll their eyes certainly, but they won’t open up to Joe at the cafe about how their brain is constantly torturing them. I apparently have a very noticeable eye twitch.
Depending on the nature of the intrusive thought it will get more or less of a reaction out of me. Its usually dependent on how distressing the intrusive thought is and/or if its a new one.
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You see OCD doesn’t sit still. It never looks the same. You’ll have your long haul intrusive thoughts that are with you for years but then you’ll have weird ass ones that just appear and demand their voice be heard yelling about cars hitting people or squirrels getting eaten.
Some people have similar ones! So while everyone is different there will always be someone out there with an intrusive thought similar to yours.
For instance; I bonded emotionally with a lady on reddit because we both have intrusive thoughts during storms that animals and the homeless are dying. We were both horribly relieved to find another person and also distressed that every snow or rain storm brings horrible images and whispers to your mind that while you are warm and snug in bed someone is freezing to death. And its all your fault.
Some days are better than others. As with all mental illnesses it isn’t CONSTANT ALARM BELLS. Some days it will be all alarms and other days it will be like a gentle whisper on the breeze. You can almost not notice it. Almost.
Obsessive thoughts run the gauntlet from ‘i will/could have/may/may accidentally harm etc’ something that you hold of value. This is any obsessive thought that you have: you think about repeatedly and not by choice, it is very anxiety provoking, it is unwanted, and unwelcome.
Mine run the scale from ‘squirrel will be murdered’ to ‘being responsible for harm’.
Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. In short, compulsions and rituals are not fun. they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder.
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To emphasize from post 1: magical thinking and the faulty link between thoughts and actions are hallmarks of OCD. Magical thinking can be anything from contamination to if I turn around three times or stare really hard at something the bad thing wont happen. Sounds weird and is weird and we know it is thats why its a disorder and not a delusion.
The faulty belief that thought=action is the biggest hurdle it is incredibly difficult to grasp, at least for me maybe some of you that have done further ERP can attest, that the mere concept of a thought not being the same as an action is completely and totally mind blowing.
Free will? Yeah thats terrifying. IDK about anyone else but free will is absolutely terrifying; what do you mean i could do anything i wanted?
Thats how you face OCD(WITH A TRAINED THERAPIST). You give in to ambiguity and the unknown. Its breaking that link between thought and action. Its incredibly difficult and draining. A five minute exposure leaves me in shatters for a week and two five minute ones had me ripping my nails past the nail beds with anxiety.
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Just a reminder: Do not have your character expose themself or expose folks with OCD to a trigger to “ help us get over with”. That is literally forcing someone with a mental illness into a break down and is not helpful. In fact its worse because a person knows about this intrusive thought and they tried to make it real. More shame and some trauma.
If you have OCD, more likely than not a family member or significant other has tried this with the purest of intentions. But it never works like that. Theres a reason that therapists get special training for this. If people want a post on ERP I can make one at some point.
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Actually let’s drag me with the squirrel thing as the example- fellow OCD Folks get out a pen and paper and try breaking down one of yours;
Obsession:Squirrel will be murdered
Trigger: seeing a squirrel
Intrusive thought: Graphic images of a squirrel being murdered by a hawk/ impaling depending on the day
Misinterpretation/feared consequence: Squirrel will be killed and its all my fault
Somatic and Psychological Anxiety:intense anxiety, palms sweating, heart racing,
Compulsions/Rituals: Must stare at the squirrel to prevent bad things from happening,
Now imagine if that is every time you see a fucking squirrel. You have somehow become completely and totally transfixed on a squirrel and nothing is going to pull your attention away or the squirrel dies- which your mind is giving you lovely images of btw.
Cute right?
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Below are the subtypes with general information/example thoughts/ and how some of these have impacted me socially because apparently some people dont understand that mental illnesses impact their social lives?? yall...
Social: This can range from ‘ i am constantly thinking i did something wrong so i have to ask for reassurance that we are still friends’ to completely unrealistic worries. Maybe its an intrusive thought that ‘ your voice is annoying them’ . There’s reassurance seeking, internal and external checking.
It makes friendships extremely difficult and exhausting. You’re not trying to get to know someone with an annoying frat boy egging on anxiety in your brain. This can also manifest as having strict rules for yourself and ethical codes.
My therapist likes to say she could give us (folks with OCD) a pile of hundred dollar bills and come back and they’d all be returned. Because OCD makes you so strict and morally confined. Which ISNT fun. Like I dont get pleasure over having to memorize the entire Code of Conduct!
Social Media: Its the bane of human existence some days and a lifeline the next. But what if everytime your follower count was an odd/even number it sent you into a panic attack. What if you spent all your time with intrusive thoughts that somehow someone misinterpreted a post or that someone is going to be harmed by a post you made about tapirs.
You may be forced to block people to get your number down or keep pornbots on your blog to keep your number what you like (see there is a use for them! We sacrifice those before actual users!) You may be refreshing your page every second because ‘what if you miss a message’. It's going to look a lot like ‘check check check check reassure yourself double check your posts check check check reassure check check FALSE MEMORY check your post etc’
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Clothing/Body Image: When its not Body Dysmorphia it can be OCD. Sometimes this looks like I obsess about a body part and therefore I choose my clothes/hairstyles to hide those. Some personal examples: as a kid I was sure that mind readers exist ( THIS IS AN OCD THING TOO I was so relieved to find that out) and that if i didnt wear a particular hat they would see all these horrible thoughts and it would be revealed what an awful person I was. So I wore the same dumb ass bucket hat for a year (or more I cannot remember but it was a long ass time).
I was once so fixated on being given a compliment on my eye color that I wore sunglasses (even at night) to a summer camp. And if any of those teen girls in that cabin that stood up and mocked me in a crowded lunch hall by singing ‘i wear my sunglasses at night’ you all owe me 40$.
Even younger still I had intrusive thoughts. Like say, if anyone noticed I was female that i would be kidnapped so I chopped my hair very short. I altered my appearance to be very androgynous and even switched to walking more masculine. Because omg if your hips move someones going to kill you thats just how it works. ( It doesnt help I later figured out I was a lesbian)
Your wardrobe may be impacted by OCD and yes so can your body image.
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Also yes the fear of mind readers is also a thing; i always thought I was somehow faking OCD because yes that is also a…..
Faking: Do you value telling the truth? Do you detest lying ? Boy Howdy do I have some news for you. OCD is going to try and convince you that YOU LIED. Whether it was on a chastity pledge to get a free sandwich or in a conversation you just HAD. This links a lot with false memory OCD.
Another aspect is OCD makes us doubt we have OCD and tries to convince us we have any other diagnosis under the sun and we are obviously faking our OCD.
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Sexual Orientation OCD; It is as it is called. Sexual Orientation OCD is what happens when your brain goes ‘hold on what if you’re not this orientation what if you are THAT’. It doesn’t matter where on the LGBT umbrella you fall you will have OCD trying to convince you otherwise. From compulsive staring at members of the same/opposite gender to compulsively reassuring or checking with yourself to ensure that ‘ no no you are in fact THIS orientation.’
This can range in behavior from binge watching porn, staring compulsively to check that there is OR is NOT attraction,self checking past experiences and memories, analyzing your clothing and your lifestyle in painful and intricate methods.
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False Memory OCD; False memory OCD is basically your brain sitting you in a noir interrogation room, handcuffing you to a chair grilling you. It demands that you did *insert bad thing here*. This can range from anything from something Harm based to pretty much *anything* from other OCD subtypes. Which is quite delightful really.
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Sensorimotor OCD; Sensorimotor OCD is obsessive body responses. These can be ‘ I have to cough really hard and really feel it right in my chest and if I can’t get it right I have to cough until I do’. This can be counting your heartbeats. Trying to check yourself that you in fact have a heart and checking and reassuring that it is still beating. It can be hyper-awareness of swallowing or even swallowing repeatedly. It is anything with selective attention; ie its an automated process but your OCD is forcing you to be aware of it.
Your OCD makes you aware of the sensation of, say, breathing, and then it convinces you that if you stop paying attention to it you will stop breathing. So now you’re horribly aware and focused solely on breathing and breathing alone. It keeps me up most nights with the pounding anxiety fueled by the pressure of ‘if you stop focusing on breathing you will stop breathing completely’ or waiting to feel that last heartbeat in your chest.
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Existential OCD; You ever feel existential ? Existential OCD is like having a very aggressive existential crisis that turns you into NEEDING answers IMMEDIATELY. This can look anything from hours panic scrolling the net to panic inducing anxiety because you don't know what happens after death. The thoughts are like foghorns on a misty sea.
This sounds basic and the only example i can give is as a teeny tiny 7 year old I had a panic attack in bed screaming that ‘ what if im a dinosaur and im asleep and i wake up and my whole family is GONE’.
To be fair I did like dinosaurs a lot.
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Harm OCD; This is pretty self explanatory but I will give more details. Harm OCD is OCD demanding that you will/could/can/may have/might harmed yourself/others/any living creature and that you alone are responsible.
This means anything from getting anxious driving over crosswalks because ‘what if you dont see one and hit someone and its all your fault and you hit someone go back and make sure you havent hit anyone’ to ‘im holding a knife so im going to accidentally stab someone’ to ‘ i didnt see my cat this morning and now im at work and think she must be dead and i am responsible for her demise.’
It can be as simple as ‘if i use a pencil i will stab myself in the eye’ or as complex as ‘ i may accidentally say a slur’/ ‘ i am going to say this horrible thing out loud if i cannot control myself.’ It can also be images of terror or racist/sexist/ableist jokes in your mind that repeat like a broken record.
(Please note from section 1 that this is extremely anxiety provoking and not something you would do. OCD preys on what we respect the most.)
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pOCD; Tumblr listen the fuck up because I am tired of seeing people get called shit on this website for having this mental illness. People who experience pOCD are not pedophiles, they do not get any pleasure or benefit. The thoughts and images are meant to induce harm to the person experiencing them. Children are normally the trigger for this and the resulting images can be very graphic. Again you aren’t attracted to children- thoughts of them getting harmed hurt you so your OCD makes you see them.
Know this so you can advocate for folks with pOCD in real life. Remember we are here. We are suffering and we are terrified of your children.
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Poisoning others/or in your food; Life isn’t medieval anymore but sometimes OCD demands we have a food taster or that we obsessively worry that we may kill someone with our cooking. Personally I struggle with colorblindness so I am constantly fretful over cooking any sort of meat so it’s difficult for me to cook it.
However this also comes as; obsessive horrible thoughts of your cooking kill someone or that you have somehow/accidentally poisoned someone’s food (even if you haven’t touched it or been within a foot of it ) or that someone has poisoned YOUR food even if no one has touched it except you. You’re going to be picking apart your food or unable to eat out at all.
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Emotional Contamination: It’s similar to magical thinking and this terrifying prospect of mind readers. Emotional contamination can manifest as anything from intense worry over somehow gaining someone else’s negative personality traits.
Or that somehow by interacting with any role of someone horrible will make YOU somehow also responsible for the horribleness. There is usually a person or a type of person that is a trigger, but it can also be location based.
This is one subtype where magical thinking and superstition are apparent.
For instance; as a teen if a male was in my space or had physical contact;like shaking hands,giving a high five, being in my room etc. I would have to go around and physically touch all the objects that I perceive they may have also touched as a way to cancel out their presence.
This includes wiping off myself to negate even the touch of family members. It really hurts peoples feelings, my father was especially hurt by this.
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Physical Contamination: This goes beyond physical dirt and grime. Most of us dont have spotless homes because if you’re having a fist fight with your brain everyday cleaning falls by the wayside just like it would for anyone else. Physical contamination holds 2 things: physical contamination obsessions AND compulsive cleaning behaviors/rituals. We believe that a small amount of a contaminate can cover large surfaces.
Oh, and did I mention its not JUST dirt/germs/viruses. The list is expansive but heres a mixed bag of what they can be: sticky substances,dead animals,glitter (FUCKING GLITTER),negative words or language,colors, numbers, surfaces in general, food, people, and activities. There is also a hyper responsibility to protect yourself and others from ‘contamination’.
Strangely there is a magical separation between the contaminated world and the ‘clean’ one. Spaces designated as clean would be a bedroom/bathroom/workspace where you are most active. That space is where the compulsions and intrusive thoughts occur. Its not I MUST CLEAN EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. Otherwise I would be working cleaning houses because why the hell not amiright?
A real world example from a colleague would be a young man with physical contamination OCD is struck with such intrusive thoughts about cleaning that they refuse to allow anyone in their room or any animals in their home. But they are not able to even flush the toilet, take out the trash, wash dishes, or do garbage because of their intrusive thoughts.
The most famous would be compulsive hand washing but I feel it is important to also note OTHER aspects of physical contamination because everyone sees the hand scrubbing stereotype.
Other compulsions include intricate rituals, not touching the floor (i played X-treme the floor is lava during college. I couldnt let my feet touch the floor because it was ‘dirty’),excessive showering (2-8+ hour showers guys, 8 hour showers. Thats what we’re talking about.)
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Relationship OCD: This comes as no surprise that yes you will have intrusive thoughts that you are somehow harming/ will harm/ may accidentally harm your significant other. Whether that be by physical or emotional means. It can look like ‘ I may have lied to her about how much I love her’, ‘ i may not actually love her and I may be leading her on’, and ‘ I must be corrupting her’. These can extend to certain physical activities with false memory OCD as a cherry on top. A great finishing garnish to leave you feeling absolutely dismayed and unable to trust your own perception.
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Scrupulosity: Religion! Whatever that may be! Its a thing with OCD. With Scrupulosity obsessive thoughts run all over the board from; you committed a sin and forgot about it you monster to having to pray continuously/ a certain time/ until its right. What is right?Ask OCD that’s the only person who knows.
We are fairly certain my grandfather had OCD because he went to church for every single Catholic Mass. Every single day. Every. Single. Day. That’s not a healthy amount of attendance(I'm calling you out posthumously because I care Robert!). This can also look like: praying a certain amount of times. Praying until you do it ‘right’. Confessing every single potential sin. Cataloguing and dwelling over ‘sinful’ things.
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Symmetry or Just Right OCD: Symmetry OCD is the runner up for ‘most likely recognized on tv shows’ award.
Symmetry OCD convinces you that if *insert thing here* isnt symmetrical or ‘just right’ (a magical position or number of objects that makes 0 logical sense) that something bad will happen.
This can range from the known; rearranging things. But it also looks like buying more objects until you reach the right amount and even throwing out objects if theres ‘too many’.
It can range from ‘the walls are percievably not straight so now i avoid that room at all costs otherwise i will be trapped traveling the edges of the wall with my eyes otherwise it will fall in and murder us ALL.’ to ‘ this historical bust is one inch off to the left and now all i see is visions of it breaking against the ground.’
So that is what I have time for. 9 pages on subtypes and basic information. If you find yourself wanting me information all of this is easily accessible online. So go, be free and dont ever compare people to Monk again. Write Batman and Scott Summers with OCD. Give us ACTUAL representation and not throw away joke lines. We are here. Our suffering isnt funny. We deserve representation too.
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Mr. Queen Analysis
My take on the rather heartbreaking and vague ending of the KDrama, Mr. Queen.
Okay, I’ve been thinking long and hard on this subject (way too much) and have come to the following consensus:
Bong-Hwan and So Yong are both versions of the same soul. What got me thinking about this was that scene in episode 5 where SoBong talks about original and past lives but then mentions parallel time-streams. To illustrate, she draws two lines running side by side and explains how a past life can be in one and the original/current being in the other. This had me stumped a bit, and I thought it a bit random that they put that in there, but then I looked up “reincarnation and parallel lives” and there’s a surprising number of articles on it - though obviously not conclusive or scientific as it involves spirituality.
Episode 5 also explains why time in the present is flowing at the same rate as the past, which we discovered when BH’s consciousness briefly reentered his body and explain why they chose to reveal that fact. Time isn’t linear here but more fluid with both versions existing simultaneously - harkening back to the two lines Mr. Queen drew to illustrate.
The reincarnation theory would explain many of the elements of the story that I found hard to accept. For example:
If So Yong’s separate soul was in there with Bong Hwan’s soul then why did he never feel her? In fact, the show repeatedly makes reference to the idea that Bong Hwan does not feel another soul and attributes characteristics of SY to the body (telling her after the kiss that the soul is in control of the body so she ought to behave and in another scene he tries to get her soul to return by addressing the lake - where he believes she is hiding). The only time he accuses her of being a separate entity inside of him is when he wants an excuse for his feelings and reactions to CJ. The “it must have been her that took control. If I knew it was CJ I would have....still enjoyed it?!? What’s wrong with me?” moments. LOL What if the reason he couldn’t feel another presence was because there wasn’t another? He merely had his consciousness wake up in the body of his past life but didn’t realize it.
It would explain the gradual integration of both personalities. For example, when CJ returns the book to Mr. Queen, she never thinks of herself as NOT being the girl from the well as she did when he first confesses his love for her at the lake. As BH spends more time in her previous body, the lines become more blurred not just in memory but also in identity because he IS her. If they were two separate souls, I don’t think she would have that same reaction nor do I see anything to indicate that So Yong “took over” in that moment or any other. Memories were accessed, personality traits were mingling, but we saw SY come out in episode 20...that personality was immediately recognizable. Fantastic acting by SHS - especially as she had me loving the one and hating the other, despite being both.
It would explain why Mr. Queen falls for CJ so hard, despite his initial protests. I never liked the idea of his feelings being manipulated, but I can get on board with the idea that he accepts his feelings for CJ because this is a man that some part of him has always loved - and falls in love with “again” through their shared experiences and journey.
It would also explain the question of why Bong Hwan. What was the connection between this man and So Yong? They are reincarnations of each other. When So Yong was feeling hopeless and needed strength, she pulled upon her stronger version of herself to help her - made possible in that moment when she desperately wanted to give up on life and he desperately wanted to live. She came to him in that pool and appeared to the queen again when she was looking for answers in the lake. This does not give the impression of a soul cruelly imprisoned in her own body against her will.
It would also explain why, when Bong Hwan briefly went back to his body, So Yong did not reappear. She wasn’t being suppressed. She purposefully had her reincarnated self come to give her strength and was not ready at that time to assume her life again. I found her choice of words at Byeong-In’s grave to to be telling. She said he always knew where to find her whenever she was hiding. It’s also why I believe BI didn’t realize Mr. Queen wasn’t SY - for the same reason CJ doesn’t at the end of the drama. These two men, both of whom deeply love her, could sense it was her, just in reverse order. CJ-SB-SY and BI-SY-SB.
It would also solve the pesky issue of why BH is an overall better person - not just at the moment of his return but before. Someone on Reddit mentioned the implausibility of CJ’s political accomplishments causing a ripple effect to change BH, and I agree. However, if we look at BH as SY’s reincarnation, then the positive attributes he now displays in the altered timeline can be accounted for because he prevented his previous incarnation from killing herself, therefore in his next lifetime his soul didn’t carry those grudges. This fits with the idea of reincarnation as a person’s life experiences and emotions/grudges/regrets/mindset at death will determine the psychological and even physical manifestation of their next life.
SY was told by evil Kim that she had no power b/c she was a woman - next life is a man.
SY had her love cruelly rejected - next life is a playboy who doesn’t seem to believe in love.
SY felt that she was living a lie - next life is a man who doesn’t care who he offends with his opinion and does what he wants when he wants - to the point of selfishness - though this changes when he prevents many of these resentments by his actions in the past.
Finally, it would explain why CJ is so “oblivious” at end of the show. He promised when he returned the book to SB that he would never fail to recognize her, and he doesn’t. While her personality has changed, it’s intrinsically also the same person, though this is the area I felt the writers dropped the ball in execution, but I get that they were pressed for time. The implications of this aspect also seem to be what KJH meant in his comment to a fan’s question of whether the king knew that BH had left.That it didn’t matter: SY or BH didn’t matter, only how CJ saw her.
So why send BH back? I believe they did it because it wouldn't make sense for him to live a life he essentially already lived as SY. Reincarnation is meant to be for a soul to grow and spiritually evolve, which it could not do by simply repeating what it had already done. Also, for some reason (I suspect so as not to offend Koreans by skipping over one of the most prominent historical figures in their culture - Queen Min), they still have CJ dying at age 32. This can be seen in the book BH is looking at when he's seeing his portrait, and is mentioned as early as episode 1. This was never going to be a happy ending for CJ/BH in the sense that many viewers wanted. Rather, he was going to facilitate the relationship of SY/CJ so that his previous life could run its course...ugh, I feel sick typing that out...with the hope that they meet again in another lifetime. Our SB is many things but trapped in Joseon without modern medicine, a miracle worker she is not. CJ dies without any heirs; his baby with the queen dies at just six months. If the BH decided to stay for love and then lost the baby and CJ, that would be just as heartbreaking for me as the ending I received.
Wiki and other sources speculate the CJ was poisoned by the Andong Kims, but many historians (including Bong Hwan’s mother, it seems) dispute that fact as it would serve no purpose since he was a puppet king and since his death then allowed the Jo family to briefly take control until King Gojong’s father pretty much crushed both the Kims and the Jos. In reality, he probably died of unhealthy habits and a life of excess. In the show’s world, who knows...cancer or any number of possible illnesses that could not be treated at that time. During the banquet planning, we see CJ suffer a nosebleed. In the spinoff, Mr. Queen mentions how CJ is trying hard not to collapse from the strain of his burdens. These could be hints left by writers to indicate that CJ’s health has been compromised by the grueling struggles and stress he’s had to endure, not to mention allowing himself to get blown up.
They writers did give us the hope for another reunion - perhaps in BH’s lifetime or perhaps another one. It’s why I think they tried to imply a SY/CJ connection in the Bamboo Forest prequel (the only prequel in the spinoff) as well as end Bamboo Forest with a reincarnation wish. The setup seemed quite intentional and in specific order. The prequel created a sense of destiny. The next segment was about Mr. Queen confirming if it was just his body or his soul that was attracted to CJ...literally the words out of the character’s mouth...and they gave an answer to that with the last shot. The final segment introduced the wish for CJ to meet his queen again, and he is clearly thinking of Mr. Queen - so why the prequel, which would seem to introduce a separate love interest, unless it’s actually not because they’re one and the same with the middle segment emphasizing the genuine attraction and love for each other.
This might not be everyone’s cup of tea; it certainly wasn’t mine, and I think the writers should have handled the leaving better instead of going for an quasi mind-wipe of all the characters’ remembrances of Mr. Queen. I mean, CJ went from being horrified at Mr. Queen acting like a perfect little queen for a few seconds a mere handful of episodes ago to just asking "why the formality" at a more permanent display of temperament and seemed practically oblivious otherwise. Then Choi and Yeon were "shocked" when So Yong didn't revert to her witch of the palace act and chastise the maids that were laughing by the pond - as if Mr. Queen didn't already change that way of thinking months ago. Not to mention that they were also nonplussed by the fact that their relationship to the queen had gone from being regarded as family back to a servant/master status quo. Even with the soulmate angle, there was to much deus ex machina thrown in. The idea of soul mates is a romantic one, but the execution of it fell through.
They should have never gone with the reincarnation route, especially if they were never intending to let SY have a true voice in the drama, even if it’s just a final conversation between herself and BH before he leaves, made possible in that split second before true separation. Viewers never got to bond with her, and in those moments we did see her, she was either a watered down version of the personality we were emotionally invested in or emphasized the opposite characteristics (demure, feminine, etc...) that we loved Mr. Queen for rejecting. Also, this angle gives us no true feeling of completeness and satisfaction. SY is with CJ in the past - we won't see them develop their feelings for each other and grow to like them as a couple. BH is in the present but who knows if he'll find CJ's reborn soul and happiness with whoever it is. Promises without fulfillment demand too much from the audience to fill in the blanks. If that's the case, next time just give us a tag line and tell the audience to imagine the rest.
Even if they share the same soul, we are given two distinct personalities and not enough connection between them in terms of their recognizing each other, acknowledging their feelings for CJ to each other in some sort of passing the flame moment that would make it feel more homogeneous and prevent feelings of resentment at what we perceive as an injustice to a personality we adore.
Instead of creating an emotional divide between the two, they should have just have SY die before BH's soul enters, and develop the romance between CJ and HB's as the novel and even that cheap and campy Chinese version did. Having SY there just muddied the waters, and became a distraction and an excuse for every emotional milestone Mr. Queen experienced, negating that character's development and laying it at SY's feet or claims of deliberate interference.
They should have chosen a fictional king and not boxed themselves into a limited outcome. Granted, it gave them a valid reason for booting BH back to present times, but look at the result: limited number of years with someone the audience isn't really familiar with for our beloved ML (plus their baby dies) and a huge question mark for our F-turned back into ML in the present with the hope that maybe the reincarnation thing works in his favor but who knows because they couldn't even toss us that small crumb which would have alleviated some of our heartache for BH as well as give more credence to the fact that SY/BH are the same and thereby lessened the feelings of resentment to the SY character as well. Or they could have gone with a multiverse theory and left it wide open as to what sweeping changes would occur. BH being initially thrown back to the Joseon era as a result of his dying would have achieved that because then the audience would have no reason to revisit the present nor see that the worlds were linked via changes upon his return and stuck with the poisoning threat averted. Blow recorded history to smithereens and leave that to our imagination instead.
Yes, the fish-out-of-water hijinks were great fun, but the completion of the character arcs/relationship/etc...shouldn’t be an afterthought.
The other element I would have liked to have seen that was in neither of the televised versions (though the Chinese one came very, very close) but was in the web novel is the king fully accepting that his wife is not the woman she was, believing that her previous body was a man, falling in love regardless and she with him. However, I think we all knew that wasn’t going to happen in a kdrama.
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I wrote a super detailed post on gyno appointments for a trans guy on reddit so here's that
I care a lot about the health of trans folks, and as a trans anxious person myself I know how daunting these appointments can be. So I wrote a super detailed post on what an annual visit to the gyno is like, maybe it will help some of y’all if you’ve never been.
The "when you have to start" depends on who you ask. It used to be 18, or 20, or even 25. It used to be a year after you became sexually active. I believe the current recommendation is to have your first pap done by 21, regardless of sexually activity. That being said, anyone can and see a gyno at any age regarding their sexual health. I started at 17 for birth control and testing, and continue to go annually.
There is something called an annual visit, and it is a yearly exam you're kinda expected to do. They are about the same every year (until you also need to start getting mammograms, but you start that at a much older age and isn't necessary if you have had top surgery). You should go to these annual appointments regardless if you are on birth control, sexually active or not, on hormones, or even had a hysterectomy (unless your doctor has told you you're clear). In fact, it is believed that because trans men are less likely to go to these appointments, they don't receive the preventative healthcare they need and are more susceptible to illness and cancer. So please find a doctor you're comfy with and make sure you can see a doctor if you're able.
Here is how an annual visit might go. I'll also mention that I've seen a handful of doctors for pelvic exams now. All have treated me with respect, most I have been out to. They understand that they do a vulnerable and intrusive thing and really try to be patient. They tend to walk me through each step and keep me informed, and you can ask for the same.
First I always give a urine sample, for a pregnancy test among other things (insurance will literally not run anything without this test, even if it is impossible for you to get pregnant like myself). Typically they tell me to head to the bathroom and there will be instructions (write your name on the cup, wipe with this, pee a little then in the cup, seal and put in this box).
Then I might have a blood test, since I am typically there for STD testing as well. I sit down, they take a few vials of blood. I sign a lot of paperwork about what happens if I am positive for certain things.
Then I am taken to an exam room. A nurse typically asks me if there is anything I want to talk to the doctor about that day, and takes my vitals (temp, B/P, HR, etc). Then they will leave while I change. I typically get full undressed and change into a gown. The gown normally has buttons at the top and may have ties in the back, I'm also normally given a blanket. At this point I sit on the exam bed and wait for the doctor.
When (I'll say she because I always seem women doctors, but this is standard stuff) she arrives for the exam she'll have me lay down, there are two big things from here, other than just talking. The breast exam and pelvic exam. She also normally has a nurse or assistant with her for the exams, and I have always been able to have someone with me if I wanted.
The breast exam is really fast and painless, but awkward. I have always been laying down for this, but you could be stood up. My doctors tend to talk to me during it to kinda ease tension. She will undo the buttons on the top of the gown, to a quick visual inspection for anything out of the ordinary, and then lay the gown back down. Then she does a phsyical exam by pressing with her palm or fingers around my nipple and circularly out, checking for bumps and issues. It takes under a minute for both sides typically. Awkward, but painless, and everyone who ever gave me one was very polite about it.
Then the pelvic exam. You'll be laying in an exam bed. You'll be instructed to put your ankles in some stirrups and move your butt all the way to the edge of the bed. The blanket they gave you goes over your knees so you're totally covered for all this. The doctor will take a seat at the end of the table, and might have an assistant nearby to hand her things. Obviously, this is vulnerable and no fun for anyone, but your doctor knows this and wants to be polite and get through it too. She will lift the blanket so that she can see, but anyone else in the room couldn't. Another quick visual inspection of your nethers, and then usually they put the blanket back down unless they need to see something. There is a digital (that means finger) exam. She'll put on gloves and lube and put 1-2 fingers inside your vagina and feel your cervix. My doctor also normally does this and stands up and presses on my uterus and ovaries to feel for something. Obviously how penetration feels depends on the person, but for me this is uncomfortable but not painful. After that is the speculum (i think is what its called) part. This is a tool used to open your vagina a little so that the cervix is easily seen and found. My doctor has a warming bed for hers so the tools she uses are not ice cold and then going in my body, which is nice. The speculum doesn't rock, it can hurt a bit especially if penetration isn't typical for you, but isn't terrible. She will also try and get this part over with safely and quickly. Using a lamp she will take another quick visual inspection of your cervix. If you are getting a pap smear, this is when that happens. She'll take a swab, kinda like a mascara wand, and rub it against your cervix for about a second. The swab she gets is then sent to a lab for tests. The prick of the pap smear is considered the worst part of the whole exam. It is not awesome but over quickly. Then everything can come out and you're pretty much done.
I have also had a vaginal ultrasound before (one where I did not need a full bladder though) and that was also pretty simple. They have a small wand that honestly looks like a thin gspot vibrator, they put a condom on it and lube it up. No need to look at my anatomy as they put it inside and then just twist it to get the visuals (in this case my ovaries and uterus when i got my IUD placed). Wasn't painful at all, but penetration doesn't bother me typically.
If you want to talk about anything you'll get a chance for that before or after the exam. I also promise your doctor doesn't care about hair, piercings, or tattoos. They use plenty of lube to make it as easy as possible. Warming stuff up, nice blankets and socks, and plenty of other things to make the experience as best it can be. Finding a trans informed doctor is of course a good idea too if you can, and in my experience they have been very respectful of my trans identity and anatomy. I hope this helps! Your sexual health is important, so try and get these exams if you're able !
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Hi all, following on from my update post last week, today I want to share some more thoughts and apologise for something that I feel particularly bad about.
In 2016 screenshots emerged on tumblr of Sjin chatting flirtatiously with fans online. During a livestream and reddit post I angrily defended him and insulted those who were sharing the screenshots - something I deeply regret doing and am very sorry for.
At the time I thought a few overly-sensitive individuals were blowing things out of proportion and getting angry on behalf of others. I hadn’t received any complaints and to me it appeared that no one was hurt. I reminded Sjin that chatting with fans in this way was not okay and if it were to happen again he would be removed from the Yogscast. Sjin was a close friend and I stupidly believed him when he said nothing inappropriate had happened (emphasis added).
Last year, a number of women shared their stories with me and I finally realized that he had, in fact, caused a great deal of hurt.
I understand now that his position of power allowed him to emotionally manipulate and sexually harass members of our community.
I don’t think he really understood that his actions were not okay - or the impact of them - but that is no excuse, people were hurt and they continue to come forward.
Over the last week I’ve seen many courageous women and men share their stories only to be insulted, shamed or threatened with lawsuits or violence and I have been very upset by this. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last year, it’s that accusations against influencers deserve to be taken seriously and those speaking up should be met with compassion, respect and support.
Yes, there will be a rare bad apple with a false claim. But if multiple victims have come forward then no doubt there are more who can't speak out in public. This could be because they’re protecting their family, reputation, mental health or career. And they should not feel guilty for waiting until they are ready to come forward.
It's a privilege to be a professional YouTuber or streamer - not a right. I applaud Twitch for taking action to remove poisonous individuals from the platform and I hope other big platforms do the same. But we need to do more: we need to educate influencers that fans are real people with real feelings - something that can be hard to see through the veil of anonymity on the internet.
We have a HR rep at the Yogscast and are implementing a sensitivity training course that all current and future creators will be expected to complete. Perhaps something like this should be built into requirements to join “partner programs” on Twitch and YouTube, just as you’re required to complete a short online training course to get certified for Google Adsense.
I encourage everyone to stand up when they see or hear something wrong and call it out. My [e-mail](mailto:[email protected]) is always open to anybody who has concerns about how we do things.
To conclude, it’s become apparent to me that my past inaction and ignorance contributed to the hurt caused by Sjin and others and I feel deeply ashamed about this. I want to say sorry to everyone who has been affected.
There’s been a lot to think about and consider so I’ve decided to take a few weeks away from everything and I’ll be back in due course.
Be good to one another,
Lewis
I felt like taking ages to get around to responding to this - that’s why it took me a while. When I see a long letter and I agree with every point I don’t feel like throwing myself at it. I’m not chasing it down like I’m trying to hunt the post and kill it.
In case you were missing the context, Lewis is referring to what we’ve been calling the “Fuck You Stream,” a Deck Rippers stream from April 2016 in which Lewis screamed “fuck you” at least five times to people who had brought accusations against Sjin. The Yogscast appear to have delisted the video, so I’m having trouble giving you the context you deserve here. This post contains a large transcript of the things that were said, and I might have archived it somewhere, but if it’s already up somewhere, let me know.
How fucking long ago was “Yogscast needs HR” a slogan? All it took was one errant flail in their everyday uncontrolled brawl to punch a hole in Yogcon, and suddenly focusing on sensitivity and tackling the harmful repercussions of their behavior began to make financial sense. One year later and the Rooster Teeth partnership as well as pressure from Twitch finally forced the Yogs to get HR.
It’s easy but often toothless to say “They should do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do.” Which is why my main point was always, “the right thing to do will make financial sense in the end.” The fact that Sjin was leaving dozens of victims in his wake doesn’t seem to have immediate financial repercussions, but £100,000 and a crater in their reputation later... An ounce of prevention, £100,000 of cure. You could attribute MadCat leaving to his shitty behavior and insubordination, or, as Madcat says they described it, you could call him a “brand risk.” You get to the same place in the end.
There’s one thing Lewis does state clearly but is easy to miss, and probably wasn’t something he wanted to emphasize.
In 2016 screenshots emerged on tumblr of Sjin chatting flirtatiously with fans online.... At the time I thought a few overly-sensitive individuals were blowing things out of proportion and getting angry on behalf of others. I hadn’t received any complaints and to me it appeared that no one was hurt... Last year, a number of women shared their stories with me and I finally realized that he had, in fact, caused a great deal of hurt. I understand now that his position of power allowed him to emotionally manipulate and sexually harass members of our community.
The only difference between 2016 and 2019 was... empathy. Really. I don’t see Lewis stating that he discovered any missing information. I see a man in 2016 who saw these women complaining and couldn’t take them at their word until it came explicitly paired with an explanation of the harm.
I don’t find that so surprising, considering he initiated the Fuck You Stream four years ago by dragging Minty, calling her a jealous and unsatisfying ex of Sjin’s. You have to really forge a person to change them from that kind of beast into someone who actually empathizes with other people, who actually wants to ask and to learn who has been harmed rather than read and pass instant judgement.
We need to educate influencers that fans are real people with real feelings - something that can be hard to see through the veil of anonymity on the internet.
Because Lewis didn’t always know that.
So while I’m being slow and ponderous instead of a screaming eagle for once, I have an actual mellow suggestion for Lewis. If he thinks there should be sensitivity training, really dig into the experience of changing your mind and share that. Why you thought they weren’t real people, what you heard that changed you the most. Bring it to the Yogscast’s audience, and to leadership at Twitch. You’re among the vaccinated now, go share the vaccine.
It’s been interesting to me, watching those final hardcore dregs of Sjin’s fanbase try to smell out some weakness in this. Lewis says “Sjin was a close friend,” and they go, “hmm, does not compute, they are clearly still friends,” or possibly more desperately, “maybe there’s a chance they’ll be friends again!”
They put it down to pressure the way Lewis did in 2016, and say it’s not Lewis’ fault, it’s those guys on Reddit running the whole conspiracy who are to blame. Much like how Reddit used to blame the accusations against Sjin on Tumblr. Because clearly the only valid source of information is the social media platform you yourself are using.
Some of the real Einsteins say, “well none of the damage would have happened if they’d just kept this private matter private.”
Sjin would never be stopped if it was kept private.
Sjin behaving this way was never a private matter, it was an abuse of his professional position.
He would not have been enabled to cause this damage without combining his private and professional life.
Sjin literally harassed his professional contacts within the Yogscast. It’s literal workplace sexual harassment.
At any rate. There’s always going to be doubters. It’s just good to know we’re not watching the Yogscast management pander to them anymore.
There’s been doubt about it but again, this blog’s going to continue to exist. It started because people were being censored on Reddit, and they still are, and because Lewis and others were muffling complaints sent in through their emails which may or may not have come to an end. Lewis watched while Turps and Sjin helped reinforce systemic issues in the Yogs, and we’ll see whether Lewis is serious about dismantling what he did.
Starting with earnestly tackling that subreddit that Bouphe doesn’t like, maybe?
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Found a Reddit comment that explains everything for me so I don’t have to:
“You are a child, but no one loves you. Your mother has mental issues and is in the hospital, and when she's not she doesn't stand up to your father who is narcissistic and his love very conditional. The unconditional love that every child should get to develop healthily, you don't. You feel alone, a type of loneliness that is multitudes worse than actually being alone. Many of us might have experienced what that feels like when we were with our exwBPD and they were ignoring us or treating us like we were invisible. Yes that crushing desperate loneliness. For a defenseless child that's even worse and instead of just a few years like us in romantic relationships they grow up in it. This need of unconditional love, to be seen, heard, to feel like you have a safe harbor you can come back to, will not go away. It feels so stressful that it is not humanely possible to feel it to its full constantly. So the body numbs it down and from now on you'll feel it as some sort of ever present "emptiness". The reason you describe it as emptiness is because you have the feeling that something very important is lacking. Something that should be there, isn't. It's empty.
As far as our lizard brain and our body knows, we live in tribes, use fire to cook, and are probably nomads. If we are not loved that means we're doomed to death because surviving alone is as good as a death sentence.
Now in modern life you don't die, oh but it feels like it's just around the corner. That unmet need of love never gets solved. You get stuck in the age of 2-6. Unmet needs in an area prevent us to grow emotionally in that area. So as you grow physically, emotionally you don't grow so much. Emotionally a child, in an adults body with adult intellect and vocabulary. You keep wanting to meet that need, desperately, and when you don't, it feels like death. A desperate pain that scratches your stomach that you can't explain to others.
But when you find someone that seems to love you... Oh you attach like a limpet to a rock, and you feel like finally your savior from your life limbo has arrived. You're so desperate that you almost don't see them for who they are but even just project the qualities on them you'd wish. You're so desperate that you even try to make them like you even more by being whoever they seem to want. But you need unconditional love, and here's the problem. No one else is going to give that now. It's too late. As adults we love others under conditions. We can't accept cheating, or someone beating us, throwing tantrums or throwing stuff at us. So when you do that... You're left. And you feel crushed. But you're so desperate that you find someone else soon. But for the same reason they leave.
And this keeps happening. At some point you start testing your newly love to see if they really love you or if its just like all the others. You really want to be damn sure, and just words don't cut it. Their tears of love, seeing them beg or getting destroyed actually feels more like a proof that they're not gonna leave. But they do. So you already start knowing its gonna happen even as you're attaching. So you becoming cynical. More testing, more manipulation to try to control them into not leaving by making them feel worthless and so on. And you know the pain of being left is so great (death) that you even start leaving first as soon as things turn sour. At least then you're the one abandoning.You even get multiple people simultaneously so that when one fails you have backup. Even when you do find someone that might not leave you... Your body knows better. And it sabotages the relationship by urges to act in the same ways, even when your intellect says stop, this guy is the real deal he's good. Doesn't matter. It's too ingrained in your core. And so it ends. Either he does end up getting enough of the self sabotaging behaviors or you can't stand it anymore how you're treating him, or you leave first because if this person were to leave (your brain tells you he isn't cause if you check the facts he's always been there for you but your emotions still don't believe it) you'd feel even more crushed....What's the solution for this? It would be that you would finally get unconditional love, a secure attachment for once, that would unstuck that inner child that is crying on the inside and allow it to grow into a mature adult. But it will not happen because you're an actual adult. So you're stuck in perpetual deathless pain.”
Source/link.
I’ve never seen a comment describe my feelings for me so well. I never had the ability TO describe them... (and no I do not have diagnosed BPD)
Also that part about the unconditional love and how it’s impossible to receive it anymore..I did receive it. From another world and I had literally no way to explain or understand why ONLY from another world.
....then I realize it’s because that other world has been my “mother” even BEFORE I was actually able to fully contact it.
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As some of you guys may have noticed on Twitter this past week or so, there were a couple different hashtags trending for short bursts of time like SaveSmash, FreeMelee, among others. I'd like to take the time to help give those out of the loop some context because there has been lots of misinformation going around.
First, if I get any facts mistaken let me know and I’ll be happy to correct it.
On 19 November 2020, Smash Bros tournament series, The Big House announced on Twitter that they have received a cease and desist from Nintendo of America (NOA) “primarily due to the usage of Slippi” and will cancel both the Super Smash Bros Melee and Super Smash Bros Ultimate online events. The Big House series has been hosting Smash tournaments for almost 10 years, and the more recent installments were even partnered with Nintendo.
Earlier this year, 22 June 2020, Project Slippi releases a version of Dolphin (a Nintendo Gamecube emulator) that includes features new to Melee like rollback netcode, integrated matchmaking, replay files, complex game statistics, and more. Rollback netcode is easily the most important addition, giving players an online experience that’s significantly better than what most modern fighting games provide. It’s especially valuable in a time where the world is fighting an ongoing pandemic and gathering dozens of players to compete in-person poses a major health risk. I could gush over how incredible Fizzi36 and the rest of the Project Slippi developers are for being able to incorporate rollback netcode into Melee, but that’s not the point of this post. Just need to know that the game’s ISO file and its contents do not need to be modified in any way in order for Slippi to do what it does.
Now, despite their claims, NOA is lying. As the copyright holder, Nintendo indeed has the legal right to shut down events, streams, and media that include any of their intellectual property. Most game companies don’t assert this right because, unlike Nintendo, they know it’s not a very good idea. However, based on The Big House’s initial statement and NOA’s follow up statement to Polygon on the C&D, the tournament was shut down for other reasons: game emulation/modification and piracy. First let me say that I’m not a lawyer and would rather have someone better suited explain; but from my understanding, Slippi would not be considered illegal modification of Melee, the game, since everything is done with Dolphin, the emulator, instead. And while it is possible that numerous Melee players may be competing on illegally obtained copies of the game and don’t own their own physical copy, the responsibility falls on Nintendo to prove it.
Some suggest The Big House takes this to court, but with how big Nintendo is, many agree that the amount of time and money needed to settle the case would be too high of a price for anybody in the community to pay. So is fighting for The Big House’s online tournament a lost cause? For this event in particular, most likely yes. It’s been over a week since the C&D was issued and despite the public backlash, NOA has yet to retract its decision. However, the Melee community is already making moves in response, and for the average person, all we can do is spread awareness and see what happens next.
News of The Big House shutting down had spread far and wide, trending on Twitter for some time, reaching influencers like moistcr1tikal, LudwigAhgren, and Mutahar(SomeOrdinaryGamers), several news outlets like Kotaku have covered the story, and gained support from various other competitive gaming communities including ones that play the games that Nintendo actually supports like Splatoon and ARMS.
Few days later on 23 November 2020, an anonymous Twitter account posts a Twitlonger that contains a list of claims exposing how Nintendo has actively gone out of its way to prevent the growth of the competitive Smash scene for many years as far back as 2006. Nintendo’s actions have not only have been a detriment toward the Melee community, but all the newer Smash games and beloved fan-game Project M, as well. Many figures in the Smash community agree that most or even all the statements made in that document are legit, and I highly recommend reading it for yourself and forming your own opinion.
I won’t go over everything covered in the Twitlonger, but in the past Nintendo famously tried to shut down the Melee tournament back at EVO 2013. Melee earned its spot at the event after raising almost $100,000 for breast cancer research. After a day of constant public backlack after the story reached the top of Reddit, Nintendo stepped down from their decision, and after that came one of the most memorable and impactful Smash events in history.
The information brought public by that first Twitlonger caused others came forward with their own claims against Nintendo, exposing their actions against these communities happening behind the scenes. These statements come from members of the ARMS, Project M, and Splatoon communities. (If I come across more, I’ll try to add them here.)
These developments, soon after The Big House’s C&D, made a lot of people upset towards Nintendo. While there are several ways to go about informing others and expressing your frustration with the situation, demanding fans of Nintendo to boycott their products will not help. Doing so would probably just make less informed people not want to support the Smash scene at all.
All this noise has made many people question what the Melee scene was after. Would a rerelease on modern hardware be the solution? No, if anything, it can give Nintendo more leverage to continue this abusive relationship with the competitive community. The Melee rerelease would also likely be the PAL (European/Australian) version of the game, but the community as a whole has already abandoned it in favor of NTSC (Japanese/American). Do Melee players want Nintendo to put up their own money and sponsor competitive events? In the past, yes, but after many, many years of no shown support thus far that is no longer the case. With how malicious Nintendo has been towards the Smash community over the years, many just want the company to turn a blind eye and leave Melee alone at this point.
Mentioned earlier, the Melee community has already taken action in response to the C&D. The general plan as of now is to respectfully spread awareness and continue announcing online tournaments. In December, Ludwig is hosting a big online Melee tournament using Slippi where the winner decides which charity organization will receive the prize money of tens of thousands of dollars. Fizzi released an updated version of Slippi with a spectator mode that enables smaller, independent tournament organizers to run online competitions without needing to rely on streaming, Discord’s screen share feature, or other methods of broadcasting gameplay. Many content creators and players are also taking the time to express how much Melee means to them and how the competitive Smash scene has positively influenced their lives.
Somehow, despite everything exposed up until now, people still actively defend Nintendo as if they did nothing wrong at all and tend to base their arguments on flawed logic and/or incorrect information (you’ll see a lot of it on the Nintendo subreddit). For the remainder of this post, I’ll try to break down a few common misconceptions and explain why Nintendo should not be defended by anyone that isn’t getting paid by them.
Thank you for reading.
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“The competitive Melee scene hurts Nintendo’s bottom line.”
Super Smash Bros Melee has been out of production for many years now, and Nintendo has yet to release it on modern consoles.
The competitive Smash community has historically been supportive of Nintendo’s current products at the time.
Assumes the existence of competitive Melee takes opportunities away from other Nintendo games’ existing communities, when in reality it was Nintendo’s own poor community management.
Assumes that competitive scenes negatively affects Nintendo’s brand and is unwelcoming to casual players and newcomers when companies like Blizzard and Valve pump millions into their competitive scenes knowing how profitable they are.
“Nintendo doesn’t want to support events for a scene full of abusive community members.”
Claims like these are ESPECIALLY BAD because it disrespects those who have been victimized by members of their community.
Implies that exposing and ejecting abusive people from the community, and attempting to create a safer environment is bad for the scene.
Assumes people in other communities aren’t capable of doing the same horrible things.
Long before all the allegations came out, Nintendo had already invited several of these community figures to events in order to promote their games.
“Just play the new game lmao Melee players don’t know how to move on”
Has been said for ages, and clearly those saying so don’t get it.
This is literally what Nintendo wants.
“Melee players have always been after the money.”
THERE’S HARDLY ANY MONEY TO BE WON IN THE FIRST PLACE. NO THANKS TO NINTENDO.
If playing video games for money was all Melee players want, they would not be competing in a game this difficult to be good at where tournament winnings can’t reliably pay the bills.
The majority of competitive Melee players are only in it for the passion, and being able to make a living through competing in a game they love is the dream.
“Competitive players take the fun out of games! Why should I support them?”
Unless you can’t read, or are some corporate bootlicker with no sense of empathy, I see no reason not to be supportive.
This whole situation is about a dedicated community that has existed for almost 20 years trying to play their favorite game with each other online in the midst of a pandemic, and for no good reason a big company will not let them.
“Supporting Melee and/or boycotting Nintendo means I have to give up my favorite games!”
No, buy and play what you want, how you want.
Do know that Nintendo is a big company with no intent on being your friend. Stop putting them up on a pedestal.
Boycotting Nintendo won’t do anything anyway; they’re too big, and the FreeMelee movement isn’t far-reaching enough to cause any significant harm to Nintendo’s profits.
"ACTUALLY, Nintendo is within their right to shut down events. They are allowed to kill Melee if they want.”
Yes, and Nintendo is within their right to suck my nuts.
Just because it’s legal doesn’t necessarily make it the right thing to do.
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Why Lila could have been one of the best characters in Miraculous
Yeah what I'm about to write will be controversial to everyone who hates Lila Rossi - That is to say, anyone. But I’ve been working on it for a while, so at least have a small read of it first.
If you’re one of those people that will send me angry comments about why I'm wrong and why I should leave this website, then you should probably skip over this.
Lila Rossi Is one of those characters that are really hated by the Miraculous Fandom at large. After appearing in one episode in season 1, she was generally ignored until season 2 when they realized she existed in the finale, then quickly became the official most hated character after booting Chloe off the pedestal (who was already shaky on it due to the Queen Bee Trilogy making her a hero and the season 2 finale). People have written blog posts about why they hate her, writing threads on Reddit about why they hate Lila and have written so many fix-it fics on ao3 to ‘fix’ the horror that was Chameleon (which doesn't actually fix any part of the story whatsoever and instead unceremoniously gun her down along with the class in some of the fics). The fandom hates her. You hate her. Period.
So why am I writing a post on why I think Lila could have been one of the best characters ever written and is generally opposing the entire fandoms viewpoint?
It’s simple really. I’m not
Just like everyone else here I hate the canon version of Lila Rossi. I hate how in season 3 she just lies so blatantly and stupidly as well, not because she is a liar per se, but because of the fact that when she is present the characters in the story become so moronic to make the story work. I hate the fact that she is evil for literally no reason other than just because, much like how I hated Chloe in season 1. I hated the fact that they were building her up all season and with such bad writing only for her to be tossed aside just so that Astruc could make sure that Chloe was unredeemable in the finale! I hate it and I hated her. I wanted her gone.
But regardless, I still think she had the potential to become one of the best-written characters in the show. ‘Could have’ being the keyword in this regard.
So I'm asking you all to take a trip back in time to before the nightmare that was season 3 and the boring monotony that was season 2 for the most part. Let's go back to the last episode of the season (officially): Volpina
When Volpina actually came out, I actually liked the episode. It was the first time that a character that was introduced that wasn’t a goody-two-shoes like the others (Chloe not counting of course) and seemed to have her own goals and motives. Yeah she was still a liar back then and yeah characters in the show were written as idiots for it to work, but it seemed at the time it more that she was a new girl trying to impress the class, sure in an underhanded way, but still, something that felt normal in a school life. To me, it felt like just a regular cartoon involving a school life, and I was fine with that.
Marinette as well was a blast in the first half, but not because she was being heroic, but because of how obvious it was that she was jealous as hell of Lila being with Adrien. Yeah, Ass-truc says on his twitter its because Marinette hates Liars and she's totally being heroic by ‘heroically’ stalking Adrien and Lila’s Library session, but considering she herself Lies in order to maintain her secret identity, Ass-truc is spitting some bs right there.
Also, that scene where Ladybug ousts Lila as a Liar was in no way heroic at all and could have easily been done in a more quiet and not-as-embarrassing manner. In fact, if you ignore Ass-trucs ridiculous claims that Marinette ONLY went after Lila because she hates Liars, then you have a story about a girl being jealous of another girl for going after the same boy, and then using an underhanded trick (being an freaking superhero!) to essentially prevent the rival from getting close to the boy, all the while justifying it under some ridiculous claim that it was because “she was evil!”. Marinette was an actual prick in this episode and in no way heroic in the first half. She was despicable, and I loved every bit of it.
And that bit where Lila pretty much says ‘fuck you’ to Ladybug was perfect. Yeah, after being made a fool in public than being given an apology for the BS Ladybug caused, even I would act in that way. It didn’t matter that Lila was Lying, she acted like a real person and I loved it.
Yeah, the episode overall wasn’t perfect. The superhero bits were rushed like hell and should have been a two-parter, and the bits about Lila lying were a bit too outlandish for me to take seriously, but I loved the episode overall.
So why did I basically do a recap of an episode?
Because of the contrast in comparison to season 3.
Season 1 Lila was a new girl who Lied just to impress the class and impress a cute supermodel boy, while Lila in season 3 lies for the sake of being manipulative and getting in the way of people’s lives.
But enough about Canon Lila, let's talk about what she could have been...
Assuming Lila would remain through the entirety of season 2, her entire character, instead of simply being focused in writing as just ‘a liar who lies’ as Ass-truc has so ‘generously’ written her she could have instead been written as a foil for Marinette, but also someone who is a darker mirror of her as well. Because to be fair, it would be a much more interesting story compared to the season 3 we have now, and when you think about it they have a lot of similarities when you take all the bias out:
-Marinette and Lila regularly have lied to people for the sake of their goals
-Both Marinette and Lila at their worst have been somewhat creepy. Marinette had a planner to constantly follow Adrien around and sniffed him thinking he was a statue. Lila has also been rather intrusive on Adrien's personal space. Yeah it isn't a 1:1 comparison but the point still stands
-Both have carried unusually petty grudges against people. Marinette hates Lila because she lies (even though the latter had no impact on her as a whole and didn't do anything to her) while Lila hates Marinette because the former called her out once. Both have gone out of their way to get rid of the other simply because both are so petty. Marinette even more so if you believe she goes after Lila because of Adrien.
-Both have had superpowers (at one point or another)
-Both have a dislike for Chloe (Kinda simple I know)
Now that I have shown how similar the two are, lets set up the story for the two.
For Lila, to give her some depth, could have a reason given for her lying beyond the plain and boring idea of being popular. For example:
‘Being the daughter of a mom constantly moving countries for the sake of her job, Lila never stays too long at a school for her to become familiar with people and make new friends. As she observes people, she feels most of them are fake, only putting on masks of kindness, and that no one in the world truly cares about others, least of all her. So to make herself feel better, she creates stories about herself to amaze her classmates. She learns their likes and dislikes and appeals to their desires to that people will like her. To Lila, it doesn't matter, because its all that she knows, and if it makes them happy, who cares if she is lying. And once she goes, she disappears. And no one will remember her...’
It doesn't make her immediately sympathetic, but it doesn’t make her a one-dimensional villain like in canon. To put it simply, in this new canon Lila lies not out of pure villainy, but because it's for her own sake, for her to make friends and feel wanted. Lila in this version is rather nice provided you don't snoop around her secrets and try to out her, she just acts normal. I do imagine her having a hidden personality behind that mask of kindness, but nothing actually rude or villainous behind it.
Also for this revised version, I don’t actually think she would love Adrien (at least at first). I would imagine her trying to woo him simply because it would make her fit in more with everyone else
To Lila, protecting her secret is most important to her, so of course, she would get defensive and protective of it when she encounters...
Marinette, also known as the hero Ladybug
I know that a lot of people on this website find Marinette so precious, but I legitimately cannot stand her. In canon, she has stalked a boy, making a planner to track him down at all times and has abused her powers to interfere with his love life, regardless of what he thinks. She constantly does things without caring for others such as ruining Max’s attempts to get into a gaming tournament just so she can spend time with Adrien, and rather than having to face the consequences of her actions, she fixes the stuff as a hero, apologizes and is immediately rewarded for her piss poor actions. Not to mention the Malediktator episodes where she insults Chloe in the first half, only to have her be nice to Chloe just so she can have backup for the Akuma fight. I hate it.
So how would I fix it? By making Marinette almost as bad as she is. Not so much by being a villain, but by having Marinette be as hypocritical as Lila when it comes to her behavior.
For example, in the Volpina episode, have Marinette be jealous of Lila for being close to Adrien, and then when Lila does the thing regarding the fake Miraculous, Marinette would transform into Ladybug and use her secret identity to humiliate Lila in front of Adrien and keep her away from him. Only for Master Fu and Tikki to IMMEDIATELY CALL HER OUT ON IT!
And this is what the relationship between the two would focus on: Lila and Marinette’s pointless battle for dominance, and as a bonus have a story focus on Marinette’s hypocrisy and her coming to terms with it and overcoming it. Have a moment where Marinette calls her a liar, only for Lila to call her out on it, saying she lies to get away from her friends for whatever reasons shes got (ofc Lila doesn't know Mari is Ladybug). These example moments could be used to develop Marinette as an actual person, without having to pretend she is this innocent person who does nothing wrong and everything right (as Ass-truc so smugly claims). It doesn't mean she can’t hate Liars, but it would make her as human as anyone else in the show.
To make it clear, this wouldn’t make Lila the innocent one in this story. In order to balance the story, Lila would resort to some of her own underhand tactics to either scare Marinette away or force her to back off, such as threatening the friendship between Alya and Marinette or sabotaging peoples trust in Mari.
Basically it would make the rivalry between the two to come off as pointless, which makes sense given their characters at the time and would help with the conclusion of the arc.
If you wanted to add even more drama to it, have Adrien attempt to help Lila to become a better person and not be a compulsive Liar. That way Lila actually realizes that people can actually be kind (instead of being fake like she imagines everyone) and ends up falling in love (for real) with the lovable dork being so kind to her, making the story into an actual love triangle and making the conflict with Marinette and Lila even tenser.
So the question is: how would you end this tale?
With Marinette now being shown to be somewhat hypocritical in her actions and in many ways similar to Lila, the fight between her and Lila is showed to be pointless, there are two ways the tale could end:
-If we wanted to have a tale where both characters are redeemed, the story could be that Marinette and Lila both realize the error of their ways and bury the hatchet after their conflict affects not only themselves but the people around them, including Adrien. For the sake of others and themselves, they stop and eventually forgive each other for their actions.
-Alternatively, if you wanted to have Lila be a villain, the story could be written to involve both of them escalating their actions, but only at the point of no return does Marinette realize what she has become. She renounces her bad actions and promises to be a better person, not only for herself but for the people around her, such as Tikki, her family, and friends. Lila in contrast, cannot turn back due to being alone, and everything falls around her. She ruins herself and ends up moving to a new school.
That would be a good way to end the conflict. Not only would it give Marinette some good character development, but it also helps turn Lila from a generic villain into a moral adversary for the former that challenges Marinette to learn what it means to actually be a nice person and not just nice when preferred.
It is through this type of writing that Lila could have been a better character than the canonical version that we have gotten, whether as a villain or as a complex neutral character.
The Lila Rossi that was given to us in the actual show was nothing short of a disappointment in season 3, and the character was barely utilized to her full potential back in season 1. But I still think that through a bit of good writing, she could have become a character that people would love to hate or hate to love through writing that both develops the show and its main cast. It pains me to see a show with so much potential being squandered for the sake of generic mustache-twirling villainy and one-dimensional character, but at least I can try to show what a show with better writing could possibly do.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk. Feel free to take a bag of salt on the way out.
#Miraculous Ladybug#Lila Rossi#Sorta AU but not really#ml salt#ML Season 3#ML Spoilers#Kinda#Redesign of a bad character#Screw stanning Marinette#Give us some actual well written characters and story!
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lord asriel’s quick analysis
Or why redemption isn’t always necessary.
Given that some people asked me to finish it and that I want to finish it, here’s my stroke over Lord Asriel’s arc. This is based on a post someone made it on reddit about the lack of redeeming traits on his part and this is my personal take on Asriel, so ok, here we go:
Let me get this out of the way: the thing about Lord Asriel is that he is not a redeemable character; that is not his purpose nor his story. He never seeks redemption, nor he sees his actions as a product of villainy or evil; in fact, Asriel believes he is quite righteous and he is willing to do whatever the fuck it takes to achieve his goals.
We never get a direct understanding of his motives: he does say he fights for freedom, he states his disgust with the Magisterium and the Kingdom of Heaven, and those who surround him believe in his cause and say, constantly, that his side is the right side, and that he fights for freedom and against the tyranny of the Church.
What is contantly overlooked is the fact Lord Asriel doesn’t require a redemption, this isn’t some sort of requirement a character needs every time they screw up. This, well, aversion to Asriel and the need to have him either punished or redeemed is solely based on the fact he killed Roger in cold blood, sort of, to wage his war for freedom. Was that fucked up? Absolutely! Does this means he requires redemption over that? No, and Philip Pullman himself explains why when Mary Malone says:
“I stopped believing there was a power of good and a power of evil that were outside us. And I came to believe that good and evil are names for what people do, not for what they are.” (The Amber Spyglass)
This has a lot to do with the recurring themes of the books, about morals, ethics and the poor use of free will by some, and it personifies almost every character in the books, from Lyra to Iorek. Everyone has committed some sort of bad deed at some point, but that does not label them as evil, and the same rules apply to Asriel. This is a man who’s crossed the very limits of the multiverse to achieve his goals, by being good in looking after the destruction of the Kingdom, and by being bad while killing Roger (plus being a bad father, a bad uncle, a bad lover, but let us remain philosophical for now).
Asriel is relentless, ruthless and sometimes, even cruel, to Lyra, to Marisa, to anyone really. At Jordan, he walks in, puts the fear of God (unironically lol) into almost everyone, including Lyra and the Master, he takes control of the enviroment and sets on to do what he went to Jordan for: to get money for his plot, so he can tear the sky apart and defy the Kingdom of Heaven. Lyra fears him (righteously) and admires his fierceness, she respects strength and brute force, it is the reason why she is so drawn to violent figures or rude characters, being herself quite rude and arrogant because she mirrors her uncle/dad.
He is considered to be a passionate man by almost everyone, and he causes a great impression in everyone he meets, including the reader. He was written as a likable character at first, made from scratch to fit in the role of the aloof, sometimes austere but caring uncle, or the traveler who serves as the inspiration for the hero (Bilbo Baggins, for quite the literal example, or Professor Kirke in Narnia). Sir Philip describes him, in Northern Lights:
“Then Lord Asriel stood up and turned away from the fire. She saw him fully, and marveled at the contrast he made with the plump Butler, the stooped and languid Scholars. Lord Asriel was a tall man with powerful shoulders, a fierce dark face, and eyes that seemed to flash and glitter with savage laughter. It was a face to be dominated by, or to fight: never a face to patronize or pity. All his movements were large and perfectly balanced, like those of a wild animal, and when he appeared in a room like this, he seemed a wild animal held in a cage too small for it. At the moment his expression was distant and preoccupied.” (page 13, Knopf edition).
He is, at first, compared to other men in Lyra’s life (the scholars, mostly) only to be extravangantly praised for being nothing like those men. Stelmaria, quiet and reserved, beautiful and pacifying, is the ultimate contrast for Asriel; together, they are one, and he is an aristocrat with wild temper, and she is a snow leopard, a predator, but beautiful and wise. These are the representation of Satan, as in Paradise Lost: forsaken and forgotten by history for fighting the Authority, Asriel and Stelmaria are the embodiment of disobedience and they are bound to rebel again because that is their nature. All that’s left to them is a reason and the Magisterium, oh boy, they’ve given them plenty.
Now, think about a man who’s had everything, then this rising power that was the Magisterium, comes and takes everything from him, from his money to his daughter over something, not trivial, but certainly something that didn’t require such harsh method of punishment; considering a lot of his wealth was confiscated and assuming he had to pay a lot of fees and taxes because of the Court Trial, he was very much not the man he was before Mrs. Coulter’s affair with him. He obeys the rules and stays away from Lyra, only to discover her mother is with the Church and that they intend to harm Lyra, even after he played nice. His friends in Oakley Street are trying to protect Lyra, but against the Magisterium, after witnessing how powerful they are, how far gone they are willing to go, things aren’t looking very bright for Asriel. He even says, in Northern Lights:
“They’re stronger than anyone, Asriel! You don’t know-”
“I don’t know? I? No one in the world knows better than I how strong the Church is! But it isn’t strong enough for this. The Dust will change everything, anyway. There’s no stopping it now.” (page 394, Knopf edition).
The Asriel we meet in La Belle Sauvage is younger and a man who’s just been massacred by the Church, as he reminds us of in Northern Lights; he is wounded after all that has happened, almost in a tender way, as if he had been softened by it. But he still is himself; proud, arrogant and scholarly, he risks Lyra’s safety and his own to indulge himself and be with her for a while, to spite the Magisterium and its distasteful influence. Under the moonlight, he loves her so immensely, in such a raw and fiery way, that for a moment Malcolm even thinks Asriel might leave with her, and so did I.
Everything Asriel does, everything that leads to his war in the name of the Republic of Heaven, has to do with Lyra’s birth and how he lost everything because of the injustice the Magisterium imposed on the world; how he had an affair with a woman he loved and how she could easily have gotten a divorce to prevent all of that; how they took his fortune and prestige because he was defiant. The murders, the oppression, his career as a scholar, his life as a whole, and then after the affair, his daughter’s, all was threatened by the Magisterium. It’s hard to say when he decided to fuck up the sky, but I like to think by the time he left Lyra at Jordan, he was already working on his revenge, because when he lost everything, that was his turning point. He doesn’t do any of this because he is a caring, loving person; he does out of hatred and indignation, two powerful tools that fuel his existence for the next twelve years, perhaps even before then, in small dosages.
There’s constant evidence of his hatred for the Church and their dogmas, especially on chapter 21 in Northern Lights, when he monologues to Lyra about Dust and how the Church allowed such things as Bolvangar to happen, implying that as many others, including scholars, he knew about what was happening. There could be a number of reasons as to why he didn’t interfer, and the most obvious one is that he was in prison, so there wasn’t much he could in his position. A second, deeper reason, is Mrs. Coulter’s involvement with Bolvangar, and by involvement I mean leadership, basically. He was fully aware she was the one responsible for Bolvangar, even enlightening us:
“That’s why they had to hide away in the far North, in darkness and obscurity. And why the Church was glad to have someone like your mother in charge, Who could doubt someone so charming, so well-connected, so sweet and reasonable?” (page 374/375, Knopf edition).
He speaks of her work with contempt and distaste, but also in a tone as someone who once fell for her masquerade before fully understanding who she was and her ultimate goal. Being his former lover, he sees the fact she works with the very Church who ruined him because of her, as disgusting despite their weird relationship dynamic, (which I could write a whole essay on but I’m not, because I already did it in college and that essay took me to a very dark place lol) and he despises her relation to the Church far more than he despises the nature of her work. And, as we see in the Amber Spyglass, despite inviting her to come with him, he is not eager to be in her company because he simply doesn’t trust himself when it comes to her and neither does anyone who knows both of them.
But the main reason he didn’t interfere, it’s because Bolvangar’s action, however crude and in favour of his enemies, was something he could take advantage of and their cruelty simply didn’t concern his own work, even if it was a discovery of his own that allowed such a thing. While they were doing something awful, they were too busy to notice his domination over his own house arrest or his plans in general, giving him the time and space he needed to finish his work.
Cruel and straightforward, Asriel is too practical and indecent to say he cared about the children: he hated what they were doing because the Church was tied to it; La Belle Sauvage!Asriel might have interfered and cared about it (he saved gyptian children from a flood, restored Malcolm’s boat, was gentle and wise in a rough way), but Northern Lights!Asriel was simply far too blindsided by his wrath against the Authority and the Church to give a damn. The only moment we see him hesitate is when he sees Lyra in the North, and for a moment he is taken by the shock of thinking he might have to sacrifice Lyra to kill God and destroy the Church, who was trying to, you know, kill Lyra. An ironic and cruel position to put him in, and he would’ve killed her, make no mistake; he keeps away from her because he simply knows he would’ve sacrificed her, or anyone else, including himself, to destroy God and the Magisterium.
Understanding this wild, carefree and inconsequential man is a crude task. The thing is, redemption is an overused trope and not everyone that does something bad needs it (or wants it for the matter), Asriel being the person who least requires it, because:
He is not a villain. I have seen this a lot and it honestly confuses me. Asriel, if anything, plays the part of the antihero, and even then he does so very loosely. We are constantly reassured by him and by basically every third party in the book (Ruta Skadi and her infatuation, John Parry and his wise comprehension, Baruch and Balthamos and their first-hand experience of the Kingdom’s brutality, amongst others) that Asriel is the “hero” of the war, that he is righteous and the one with the right views. He is not your conventional saviour, in fact, he is human and flawed, self-centered and ambitious, but charismatic and knowledgeable; that blur our senses and the lines and we’re stuck thinking he is either a hero or a villain when Asriel is, in fact, neither.
His ultimate goal is clear, albeit readable only between the lines sometimes. He is a liar, arrogant and wrathful, but once we get to the Subtle Knife, his goal is more clear, at least from Thorold and John Parry’s points of view (Ruta Skadi too, but she is far too unreliable for being too infatuated with Asriel): he wants to kill God and take down the Kingdom of Heaven. He says it’s for freedom and blah-blah-blah, and although I believe he seeks that outcome in the end, the reason he is doing this is much more self-serving and closer to revenge rather than doing what is right. He is a spiteful man, whom has been robbed of his wealth and his life by a religious institution who serves God and does anything in the name of God. Asriel wants to take them down because it satiates his need for vengeance, alongside his scholarly nature, by being a pioneer and an explorer of multiple worlds. It’s an ego booster, something to pat yourself on the back for.
He is unapologetic. He never apologises, or seems regretful over his actions. He isn’t apathetic, but he clearly does not resent his own choices. Killing Roger was a tough decision, but one he was intent on making because it was what he needed to do to achieve his purpose (hence his hesitation towards Lyra; he would’ve killed her if Roger wasn’t there). That was by far the most beautiful and sensible death ever written by Pullman: he doesn’t extend it or makes it purposefully dramatic and that’s because Roger’s death was merely a switch for everything else: Lyra and Asriel’s journey. Sir Philip makes us believe that Lyra’s ultimate goal is to stop her warmongering father, then he dismantles Asriel’s portrayal as the endgame bad guy for things of higher nature and Lyra simply stop blaming him, instead blaming herself, and everything she does from them on, is to spite Asriel by always staying away from him and his Republic.
These three aspects of Lord Asriel’s character core are relevant because they exempt him of a redemption arc. He doesn’t need to be redeemed, he asks for no forgiveness and he knew, from the start, where things were going. Perhaps not on Lyra’s account, but the overall outcome of his war. He never backs down, nor hesitates and Ogunwe claims:
“We’re not going to invade the Kingdom,” he said, “but if the Kingdom invades us, they had better be ready for war, because we are prepared.” (page 210, The Amber Spyglass, Knopf edition).
Despite the Republic’s claims of being builders, not conquerors, Asriel was the commander of a massive force and he was, fully aware, that the Kingdom would not leave them be to mind their business. They wanted that war, he wanted that war, and everything he did was because of it. That is why he only is granted peace, in a sense, in death as they plunge down into the abyss; it was a price worth paying for wrecking Heaven. He never truly dies, but instead is forged into oblivion.
A villain can be redeemed, and so can a purposeless character, but Asriel is neither of these things. He has a clear purpose, and he has done good and bad things in his life, he never apologises for what he’s done and he doesn’t intend to. He mimics great rebels of epic stories, and he embodies all that is truthful and essential to human nature: knowledge, passion, rebellious mind, the apex of free will and the wrath against those who do us wrong. He is neither a saint, nor sinner: he is both, as are every person in those books, and he embraces fully his nature. Once again, as Mary said: he’s done bad things, but he isn’t evil himself. No one truly is.
And this is it, sorry for the essay, I have thing for academic men in linen shirts who want to tear Heaven apart lol @laciefuyu this is for you hahah
#his dark materials#lord asriel#hdm#long post#hdm meta#this is like me scratching the surface of my previous thesis lmao#but this will have to do#do i have a lot to say on asriel? yes#i love him so much omfg#sometimes i need to remind myself he isnt real and that hurts#pls authority give me a raging academic as a bf/gf#oh its ok im the raging academic i know#lord asriel: a me: you can fight my freedom anyday hun#hdm spoilers#meta by effie
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I’m Back!
Yeah, that’s right. I live! Happy New Year!
It seems that Tumblr’s guidelines update a couple years ago annexed all the pornbots, so to my followers that are still here, I have missed you all and will be making some changes for the better that I'll get into later.
Firstly, the reason for my hiatus:
From what feels like since I started using Tumblr, I had tried to check it every night at 11 PM before bed alongside the first two pages each of a couple subreddits I follow. Eventually, I had followed too many blogs to the point that I took a break around July 2018, and slowly tried to recuperate where I left off, going into the 500+ range of Dashboard pages. Eventually, I tried skipping a few hundred pages to try and get closer to the end, but that wasn’t enough. I started setting aside the Reddit pages to get to later so I could put more time into this, and that lead into the series of events that unfolded in this Reddit post I made back in October.
So with that being said, a lot has happened since I made my leave. In particular:
Literally all of Deltarune is amazing. Especially best boy Rouxls Kaard.
Upon release, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate took up a good portion of my time as it would anyone; I main most of the newcomers. Love it to bits, especially playing Terry as of late. I got Piranha Plant later than I would’ve liked; February 3rd. I also beat the World of Light story mode on Hard from start to finish February 20th at 2:19 AM.
I watched Cowboy Bebop from March 9th to June 13th, 6:55 PM. Bit of a bittersweet ending, but it certainly went out with a bang.
I made a Twitch channel on March 31st. Don’t expect streams anytime soon.
I watched JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Golden Wind over the course of its run, as did my parents following the previous parts in 2018. They love everything there is to do with JoJo and I couldn’t be happier.
Come June 11th, I got Final Fantasy VII on Switch on sale and completely get now why it’s heralded in such high regard by the gaming community. I’m certainly anticipating the Remake.
Not long after that, my brother picked me up Axiom Verge as part of a BOGOF deal. One of the best games I’ve ever played.
While I wasn’t really interested from the first episode alone and put it off, I picked Code Geass back up and binged it over the course of October to November 4th. Not the best ending, but given all that happened prior, it was for the best. Still gotta see Akito the Exiled, though.
From November 22nd to now, I’ve been really enjoying Re:Zero as well.
In anticipation of Persona 5: Royal’s release, from November 30th to now I’ve been playing Persona 3 FES and loving it. I plan on playing Persona 4 afterward.
This past month or so, I’ve been watching a fair amount of My Hero Academia. Pretty cool. I’m on the second season thus far.
As I never got to truly post about it, back in late May 2018 I broke 100 Subscribers on my YouTube channel, but didn’t wind up finishing work on the special for it until September. That video can be found here:
youtube
Heck, just recently I broke 300 Subs, but my next special’s at 500.
But back to the subject of Tumblr:
Despite how many (admittedly unnecessary) r/DDLC and spicy anime art link posts I’ve made in the past, the Tumblr NSFW ban barely affected me, thank goodness. I only got 3 posts taken down under the new guidelines, them being this, this, and this. The first one, not too explicit, the third one, completely understandable. But the second one? It’s a completely clean DDLC comic about Sayori comforting a sad Yuri. It blows my mind that that of all things would get detected and taken down. But I digress since I was able to appeal them all and get them back up safe and sound.
Additionally, I was quite upset when I reblogged all those posts from the @memories April Fool’s account due to my lack of getting caught up with Tumblr prior. But I was worried I wouldn’t get the chance to participate come April 2nd, so I had to bite the bullet and reblogged ‘em anyway.
Even now, I couldn’t get caught up if I wanted to since Tumblr’s Dashboard is completely broken. If I click the “Next” button to Page 2 of the Dashboard, it’ll display the second page, but when I go to Page 3 or further, and then click the “Previous” button to go back to Page 2, despite the URL, it takes me to Page 1. Absurd.
And now, what changes I’ll be making:
For my sake, I’m gonna limit how much Reddit and Tumblr I intake so as to prevent another downward spiral. Henceforth, I’m only going to check the first page of each subreddit alone rather than the first two of each, and only the first two pages of my Dashboard when I do my daily check-in before bed.
I’m gonna be removing the “Original Content” tag to my non-reblog posts, and instead, add a “Reblog” tag to my reblogs. This way it’ll be much easier to manage, and it’ll be a much more accurate tag than “Original Content”. Those who don’t want to see my reblogs can filter the tag.
From here on, I may limit how many tags I use on posts, in particular, only putting the franchise/series name(s) only instead of listing every character featured.
I’ll also try to put a heavier focus on my videos, ergo discussing behind-the-scenes things about my videos as mentioned in the update video I made back in November. 2019 was a very slow year for me in terms of channel content, so I’m gonna try and fix that going into 2020.
And that should be everything.
If you have any questions regarding the things mentioned, I may be able to answer them via the askbox. You can even choose to stay anonymous should you so choose.
In closing, I’m sorry if it seems like I left you all in the dark for too long, I hope you understand my reasoning for my absence, and I hope to do better.
Thanks for reading.
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