#Marie-Jo Bonnet

[coochiequeens]

“My bar has always been an inclusive bar,” she said. “Trans people should be respected and have rights, and lesbian women who are born female should also have a space for themselves.” “If the young woman said: I prefer women, then the trans woman was offended and cried transphobia. But this young woman is not transphobic, it’s just a matter of consent, she doesn’t like penises, since she’s a lesbian!”

A lesbian bar that has operated in Rennes, France for nearly a decade has been forced to close its doors following a disturbing swell of vandalism and death threats by trans activists. Orane Guéneau, the owner and manager of lesbian bar La Part des Anges, was publicly denounced as “transphobic” and accused of “misgendering” by critics.

Speaking with Ouest France, Guéneau said she made the decision to shut down the venue to protect her employees in response to increased aggression, both online and at her storefront. On April 14, four unnamed trans activists spray painted the menacing message “Fuck TERFs,” accompanied by a trans symbol, on the front door of the venue during activities that were aimed at opposing national pension reform.

“I have to close after the attack that we experienced,” Guéneau told Ouest France. “The window was tagged and a pane was broken, it was hyperviolent for employees and customers, and the bar was full.”

A few days before the acts of vandalism were committed, Guéneau made a book critical of trans activism available to her patrons. 

Titled When Girls Become Boys and written by Marie-Jo Bonnet, her detractors considered the act to be representative of her “coming out” as transphobic, and condemned her on social media. 

But the backlash was not limited to vandalism and social media condemnation, Guéneau also started to receive threatening messages scrawled on paper slipped under her door last month, some of which read: “Save a trans, commit suicide,” and “One bullet, one TERF.” 

Guéneau faced further harassment throughout the month of May when a local chapter of the French feminist organization Nous Toutes published a statement calling for their supporters to boycott the bar. 

“In Rennes or elsewhere: no feminism without trans people,” reads the call to action from Nous Toutes 35. “For several years, people from the Queer community have been denouncing attacks against them in a bar in Rennes: La Part des Anges. These recurring assaults are all the more problematic since this bar claims an identity as a lesbian and feminist bar.”

The statement continues: “Therefore, it’s important that this bar finally gets massively denounced. We would also like to call on the various political, activist or cultural organizations to stop organizing with this bar… transphobes have no place in our struggles.”

In response to the statement from Nous Toutes 35, Guéneau announced that she had filed a complaint for defamation, harassment and cyber-harassment.

Yet despite the claims of “transphobia,” Guéneau has said that her venue has always been accepting of people who claim to be transgender. 

“My bar has always been an inclusive bar,” she said. “Trans people should be respected and have rights, and lesbian women who are born female should also have a space for themselves.”

However, tensions have escalated over the past five years as Guéneau defended lesbian patrons who were being harassed by men who self-identified as women and attended the venue seeking sex.

On multiple occasions, Guéneau told Charlie Hebdo, trans-identified males came to the lesbian bar to flirt with same-sex attracted women. 

“If the young woman said: I prefer women, then the trans woman was offended and cried transphobia. But this young woman is not transphobic, it’s just a matter of consent, she doesn’t like penises, since she’s a lesbian!”

Women’s rights campaigner and founder of FemellisteMarguerite Stern shared her support for Guéneau, and questioned the accusations of “misgendering” leveled against her. Stern also placed blame for some of the harassment Guéneau endured in part on Nous Toutes for their public condemnation of the venue.

Nous Toutes, the liberal feminist group spearheading the harassment of the lesbian bar, has previously attacked causes they deemed to be “transphobic.”

In 2022, the group announced it would no longer provide data on domestic femicides due to concerns over the sex-based data being used by “transphobes.”

Nous Toutes had originally been founded to provide public insight into violence against women and girls in France, but launched into a social media war with another anti-femicide campaign group over transgenderism. 

After Féminicides Par Compagnons ou Ex accurately reported that no trans-identified males had been murdered by domestic violence in France in 6 years, Nous Toutes responded by suspending their release of any data related to the murder of women and girls in the nation, claiming that the information was “oppressive” and “otherwise illegal.”

Nous Toutes then convened to determine how to make their femicide data reporting more “inclusive,” floating strategies which included counting general transphobia as femicide.

Violence against women critical of gender ideology is a regular occurrence in France, with multiple instances of women being physically attacked for not accepting the concept that trans-identified males were “female” being recorded over the past two years.

Reduxx previously reported on violence breaking out at French pro-woman events deemed “transphobic,” including on International Women’s Day in 2021 and 2022 when a number of women were left with injuries from rampaging trans activists. 

In April of this year, a symposium intended to raise awareness of the plight of Afghan and Iranian women was abruptly postponed after trans activists threatened to violently ambush the event because of the presence of a gender critical speaker.

By Genevieve Gluck

Genevieve is the Co-Founder of Reduxx, and the outlet's Chief Investigative Journalist with a focused interest in pornography, sexual predators, and fetish subcultures. She is the creator of the podcast Women's Voices, which features news commentary and interviews regarding women's rights.

#France #Rennes #La Part des Anges #Ouest France #When Girls Become Boys #Marie-Jo Bonnet #Censorship #death threats against lesbians #Nous Toutes Calls themselves a feminist organization but is ok with harassing lesbians #Lesbians don’t like dick #transbians #Drop the T #transwomen being sex pests #TRAs not happy with allies unless they are absolutely servile #Féminicides Par Compagnons ou Ex told the truth #Telling men NO is not the same as femicide

[oceannacaldin]

C'est quand même terrible de se rendre compte que Marie-Jo Bonnet (ie la pionnière de l'histoire lesbienne en France) vient de publier un livre qui répète tous les arguments TERF actuels.

#Vu ses prises de positions sur le mariage pour tous je ne suis pas forcément surprise #mais c'est quand même un beau gâchis #je suis juste tellement triste qu'on en arrive là #et qu'elle soit publiée par son éditeur habituel #cw:transphobia #queer things #Marie-Jo Bonnet

[the-moon-loves-the-sea]

Hi! For the character bingo you reblogged 3 days ago, if you still want to do it: Jo March from Little Women, Mary Bonnet from Our Flag Means Death

Ooh, thank you! I have precisely the same reactions to them, actually, with the exception of Jo March and Autism(tm)…

For Jo:

Jo should be held, hugged, appreciated and adored. Baby me identified with her hard, but older me saw her played by Winona Ryder and developed a major crush. I can’t claim she did nothing wrong, ever, but I would absolutely go to war for her. (And if she isn’t autistic she’s certainly some kind of neurodivergent. Her brain and mine are sympatico in so many ways.)

For Mary:

Ma’am. You are glorious. You glow. You deserve all the liberty and painting time and space in the bed you desire. You absolutely did a few things wrong, but hey, we’ve all been needlessly snippy and/or murderous with a partner who’s so wrong for us, right?

Ask game here!

#thanks birdy!!! #asks #birdylion #jo march #mary allamby bonnet

[stedefxckingbonnet]

requests info/intro!

hi, everyone!

i thought i'd take a quick second to introduce myself and to also formally open up requests. i'm already working on a few things, but requests really do always help and feel free to submit them at any point--but, we'll get to all of that in a moment!

my name is lavinia, and i am a uni student studying both theatre (dramaturgy specifically) and creative writing! i love to sing, act, write (obviously haha), read (i am a huge fan of classic literature, as well as donna tartt, mona awad, sally rooney, elif bautman, and ottessa moshfegh's works), go to concerts, go to the movies, style/design clothing, paint, collect records/cds, and so much more! this barely scratches the surface really but, if any of you share these interests, always feel free to reach out!

anyhow, as i said, i will officially be opening requests, and at the moment here is the media and the characters i will write for:

Our Flag Means Death

Izzy Hands (my BELOVED)

Ed Teach

Stede Bonnet

Lucius Spriggs

Jim Jimenez

Oluwande

Mary Bonnet

(more available upon request! these were just sort of my first instincts.)

Gilmore Girls

honestly, i'm pretty open to anything unless it's dean. just request and i'll see what i can do!

Gossip Girl

Blair Waldorf

Serena Van der Woodsen

Dan Humphrey

Nate Archibald

Chuck Bass (like sometimes)

Rufus Humphrey

more available upon request.

The Fosters/The Good Trouble

Callie Adams Foster

Mariana Adams Foster

Brandon Foster

Jamie Hunter

Gael Martinez

Dennis Cooper

Malika Williams

more available upon request.

Select Wes Anderson and Tim Burton characters. just ask!

Enola Holmes

Enola Holmes

Tewkesbury

Sherlock Holmes

Little Women (2019)

Jo March

Amy March

Beth March

Meg March

Laurie

Friedrich Bhaer

Star Wars

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Anakin Skywalker

Padmé Amidala

Luke Skywalker

Han Solo

Leia Organa

Kylo Ren

Finn

Poe Dameron

Ahsoka Tano

more available upon request!

Pride & Prejudice (2005)

Basically me just saying I'll write Mr. Darcy. but more characters available upon request, of course.

Community

Abed Nadir

Troy Barnes

Annie Edison

Jeff and Britta I'm a little iffy on but with the right request, maybe. don't hesitate to ask!

The OC

Seth Cohen

Ryan Atwood

Summer Roberts

Marissa Cooper

The Umbrella Academy

Klaus

Viktor

Ben

Five

Diego

Allison

Luther is like, not preferred for me but if you feel strongly about him and have a good request, i’ll consider it but don’t get your hopes up too high!

Once Upon a Time

Emma Swan

Regina Mills

Killian Jones

Neal Cassidy

August Booth

Jefferson (The Mad Hatter)

Mulan

Ruby Lucas (Red Riding Hood)

Belle French

Mary Margaret Blanchard (Snow White)

David Nolan (Prince Charming)

Peter Pan

Robin Hood

Any others, feel free to ask! I know I left Mr. Gold (Rumple) off, but that's only because it depends with each request. Also, please specify if you want it to take place in Storybrooke pre or post curse, or in The Enchanted Forest.

Merlin

Merlin

Arthur

Gwen

Morgana

Nimueh

Lancelot

any others, feel free to ask. i am just starting S2, keep that in mind.

i'll just start there for now, as honestly it's been a bit since i've written an x reader and i don't want to overwhelm myself much! but please, feel free to request at any time! I will update this frequently, as I am always either getting into new things or remembering things I already love. I am mostly dedicated to OFMD right now, but you may also leave requests for other fandoms and I will keep them on file, or who knows, perhaps even get to them sooner than you may imagine! Have a wonderful day (or night!), and don't forget to request!

yours truly,

lavinia

me filing through all of your requests (hopefully!)

#our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd s2 #gossip girl #gilmore girls #izzy hands #the fosters #the oc #pride and prejudice #little women 2019 #enola holmes #wes anderson #tim burton #community tv show #star wars #obi wan kenobi #x reader #requests open #the umbrella academy #five hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #viktor hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #ben hargreeves #stede bonnet #ed teach #once upon a time #requests are open #please request

[traitor-for-hire]

Les Quatre Filles March, Chapitre 44

Milord et Milady

« S’il vous plaît, Madame Mère, pourriez-vous me prêter ma femme pour une demi-heure ? Les bagages sont arrivés, et je suis en train de ruiner les babioles parisiennes d’Amy en cherchant quelques choses dont j’ai besoin », dit Laurie, venu le lendemain pour trouver Mrs. Laurence assise sur les genoux de sa mère, comme si elle était redevenue « le bébé » de la famille.

« Certainement. Va, trésor, j’oubliais que tu avais une autre maison que celle-ci », et Mrs. March pressa la main blanche qui portait l’alliance, comme pour s’excuser de son égoïsme maternel.

« Je ne serais pas venu si ce n’était nécessaire, mais sans ma petite femme, je ne suis bon à rien, comme —

— Une girouette sans vent », suggéra Jo, tandis qu’il cherchait une comparaison. Jo avait retrouvé de son impertinence depuis que Teddy était rentré.

« Exactement, car Amy me maintient pointé vers l’ouest la plupart du temps, avec parfois seulement un souffle du sud, et je n’ai pas connu le vent d’est depuis que je me suis marié. Je ne connais rien du nord, mais profite d’un air sain et tempéré, n’est-ce pas milady ?

— Le temps est très agréable, jusque-là. Je ne sais pas combien de temps cela durera, mais je ne crains pas les tempêtes, car j’apprends à manœuvrer mon navire. Viens à la maison, très cher, et je trouverai ton tire-botte. Je suppose que c’est ce pour quoi tu fouilles dans mes affaires. Les hommes sont vraiment empotés, Mère », dit Amy avec un air de matrone qui ravit son époux.

« Qu’allez-vous faire pour vous occuper, une fois que vous serez installés ? » demanda Jo, en boutonnant la cape d’Amy comme elle lui boutonnait autrefois ses tabliers.

« Nous avons des plans. Nous ne voulons pas trop en dire pour l’instant, parce que nous sommes tout juste mariés, mais nous n’avons pas l’intention de rester inactifs. Je vais me lancer dans les affaires avec un zèle qui fera la joie de Grand-père, et lui prouver que je ne suis pas gâté. J’ai besoin de quelque chose de la sorte pour me garder à flot. Je suis fatigué de me prélasser, et j’entends travailler comme un homme.

— Et Amy, que fera-t-elle ? » demanda Mrs. March, satisfaite de la décision de Laurie et de l’énergie avec laquelle il parlait.

« Après avoir rendu visite à tout le monde, et aéré notre plus beau bonnet, nous allons vous étonner par l’hospitalité élégante de notre demeure, la brillante société que nous attirerons autour de nous, et l’influence bénéfique que nous exercerons sur le monde. C’est à peu près ça, n’est-ce pas, Madame Récamier ? » demanda Laurie avec un regard interrogateur vers Amy.

« Le temps le dira. Viens, Impertinence, et ne choque pas ma famille en te moquant de moi devant eux », répondit Amy, résolue à être une bonne épouse dans son foyer avant de tenir salon comme une reine de la société.

« Comme ces enfants sont heureux ensemble ! » remarqua Mr. March, qui trouvait difficile de se replonger dans Aristote une fois le jeune couple parti.

« Oui, et je pense que ça durera », ajouta Mrs. March, avec l’expression sereine d’un pilote qui a mené son navire en sûreté dans le port.

« J’en suis certaine. Heureuse Amy ! » et Jo soupira, puis sourit largement car le Professeur Bhaer ouvrait le portail d’un geste impatient.

Plus tard dans l’après-midi, une fois que le sujet du tire-botte ne le tracassa plus, Laurie dit soudain à sa femme :

« Mrs. Laurence.

— Milord !

— Cet homme a l’intention d’épouser notre Jo.

— Je l’espère. Pas toi, très cher ?

— Eh bien, mon amour, je le considère comme un phénix, dans tout ce que cette expression imagée a de plus flatteur, mais j’aurais bien aimé qu’il soit un peu plus jeune et beaucoup plus riche.

— Allons, Laurie, ne sois pas si délicat et mondain. S’ils s’aiment, peu importe leur âge ou leur pauvreté. Les femmes ne devraient jamais se marier pour de l’argent— » Amy buta sur les mots à l’instant où ils lui échappaient, et regarda son mari, qui répondit, avec une gravité malicieuse,

« Certainement, même si, parfois, vous entendez de charmantes jeunes filles dire qu’elles en ont l’intention. Si mes souvenirs sont exacts, tu croyais qu’il était de ton devoir d’épouser quelqu’un de riche. Cela explique, peut-être, que tu aies épousé un bon à rien comme moi.

— Oh, mon chéri, non, ne dis pas ça ! J’avais oublié que tu étais riche quand j’ai dit “Oui”. Je t’aurais épousé si tu étais sans le sou, et parfois je souhaiterais que tu sois pauvre pour pouvoir te montrer combien je t’aime. » Et Amy, qui était très digne en public et très affectueuse en privé, offrit des preuves très convaincantes de la véracité de ses mots.

« Tu ne penses pas vraiment que je suis une créature aussi vénale que j’ai essayé de l’être autrefois, n’est-ce pas ? Cela me briserait le cœur si tu ne croyais pas que je ramerais avec joie dans le même canot que toi, même si tu devais gagner notre vie en ramant sur le lac.

— Suis-je un idiot et une brute ? Comment pourrais-je le penser, quand tu as éconduit un homme plus riche pour moi, et ne me laisse pas t’offrir la moitié de ce que je voudrais, quand j’en ai le droit ? Cela arrive tous les jours à bien des filles, les pauvres, à qui on a enseigné d’y voir leur unique salut, mais tu as eu de meilleures leçons, et même si j’ai tremblé pour toi, pendant un temps, je n’ai pas été déçu, car la fille a été fidèle à l’enseignement de sa mère. Je l’ai dit hier à Mamma, et elle a eu l’air aussi heureuse et reconnaissante que si je lui avais donné un chèque d’un million à dépenser dans des œuvres de charité. Vous n'écoutez pas mes observations morales, Mrs. Laurence.

— Si, j’écoute, et j’admire le grain de beauté sur ton menton en même temps. Je ne souhaite pas te rendre vain, mais je dois confesser que je suis plus fière de mon beau mari que de tout son argent. Ne ris pas, mais ton nez est un tel réconfort pour moi », et Amy caressa le nez bien dessiné avec une satisfaction artistique.

Laurie avait reçu bien des compliments dans sa vie, mais aucun qui lui fasse plus plaisir, comme il le montra clairement même s’il rit effectivement des goûts étranges de sa femme, tandis qu’elle dit lentement,

« Puis-je te poser une question, mon chéri ?

— Bien sûr que tu peux.

— Est-ce que cela te dérange, si Jo épouse Mr. Bhaer ?

— Oh, c’est là le problème, n’est-ce pas ? Je me disais qu’il y avait quelque chose dans ma fossette qui ne te convenait pas tout à fait. Sans aucune mesquinerie, mais en étant l’homme le plus heureux au monde, je t’assure que je pourrai danser au mariage de Jo, le cœur aussi léger que les pieds. En doutes-tu, mon amour ? »

Amy leva les yeux vers lui, et fut satisfaite. Sa petite peur jalouse s’évanouit pour toujours, et elle le remercia, pleine d’amour et de confiance.

« J’aimerais que nous puissions faire quelque chose pour cet épatant vieux Professeur. Ne pourrions-nous pas inventer un riche parent, qui mourrait bien commodément en Allemagne, et lui laisserait une jolie petite fortune ? » dit Laurie, quand ils commencèrent à arpenter le petit salon de long en large, bras dessus bras dessous, comme ils aimaient à le faire en souvenir des jardins du château.

« Jo nous percerait à jour, et gâcherait tout. Elle est très fière de lui tel qu’il est, et a dit hier qu’elle pensait que la pauvreté était une très belle chose.

— Béni soit son bon cœur ! Elle n’en pensera pas autant quand elle aura un mari littéraire, et une dizaine de petits professeurs et professeures à élever. Nous n’allons pas interférer maintenant, mais attendre notre chance, et les aider malgré eux. Je suis redevable à Jo d’une partie de mon éducation, et elle est d’avis que l’on se doit de payer ses dettes honnêtement, donc je l’amadouerai de cette façon.

— Comme c’est agréable d’être capable d’aider les autres, n’est-ce pas ? Ça a toujours été un de mes rêves, avoir le pouvoir de donner librement, et grâce à toi, le rêve est devenu réalité.

— Ah, nous allons faire quantité de bonnes actions, n’est-ce pas ? Il y a une sorte de pauvreté que j’aimerais particulièrement aider. Les mendiants purs et durs trouvent de l’aide, mais les pauvres de bonne famille s’en sortent moins bien, parce qu’ils ne demandent rien, et on n’ose pas leur offrir la charité. Il y a pourtant mille façons de les aider, si l’on sait comme s’y prendre avec suffisamment de délicatesse pour ne pas les offenser. Je dois l’admettre, je préfère aider un gentleman déchu qu’un miséreux beau parleur. Je suppose que c’est mal, mais c’est ce que je pense, même si c’est plus difficile.

— C’est parce qu’il incombe à un gentleman de le faire », ajouta l’autre membre de la société d’admiration domestique.

« Merci, j’ai peur de ne pas mériter ce joli compliment. Mais ce que j’allais dire, c’est que pendant que je traînassais en Europe, j’ai vu bien des jeunes gens talentueux faire toutes sortes de sacrifices, et endurer de vraies épreuves, pour espérer réaliser leurs rêves. Des gars épatants, pour certains, qui travaillent comme des héros, pauvres et sans amis, mais si pleins de courage, de patience et d’ambition que j’avais honte de moi-même, et me languissais de leur donner un coup de main. Il y a des personnes qu’on éprouve de la satisfaction à aider, car s’ils ont du génie, c’est un honneur que d’avoir le privilège de les servir, et ne pas le laisser perdre ou être retardé par manque de bois pour faire bouillir la marmite. S’ils n’en ont pas, c’est un plaisir de réconforter les pauvres âmes, et de les empêcher de sombrer dans le désespoir quand ils s’en rendent compte.

— Oui, tout à fait, et il y a une autre classe qui ne peut réclamer, et souffre en silence. J’en sais quelque chose, car j’en faisais partie avant que tu ne fasses de moi une princesse, comme le roi le fait de la mendiante dans l’ancien conte. Les filles ambitieuses ont la vie dure, Laurie, et doivent souvent voir leur jeunesse, leur santé et de précieuses opportunités leur passer sous le nez, par manque d’une aide opportune. On a été très bon avec moi, et quand je vois des filles en difficulté, comme nous l’étions, j’ai envie de leur tendre la main et de les aider, comme j’ai été aidée.

— Et tu le feras, ange que tu es ! » s’écria Laurie, résolu, dans un éclair de zèle philanthropique, à fonder et financer une institution au bénéfice des jeunes femmes aux visées artistiques. « Les gens riches n’ont pas le droit de rester assis à profiter, ou à laisser leur argent s’accumuler pour que d’autres le dépensent. Il n'est pas moitié si raisonnable de laisser un héritage à sa mort qu’il ne l’est de dépenser cet argent avec sagesse de son vivant, et se réjouir de rendre nos camarades créatures heureux avec. Nous allons bien nous amuser, et pimenter notre propre plaisir en en offrant de généreuses portions à d’autres. Voudras-tu bien être une petite Dorcas, qui va en vidant son grand panier plein de douceurs, et le remplit de bonnes actions ?

— De tout mon cœur, si tu joues le brave Saint Martin, en chevauchant galamment à travers le monde et en t’arrêtant pour partager ton manteau avec le mendiant.

— Marché conclu, et nous aurons la meilleure part ! »

Et le jeune couple échangea une poignée de mains, et reprit gaiement sa marche, avec la sensation que leur plaisante demeure était d’autant plus accueillante parce qu’ils espéraient illuminer d’autres foyers, avec la croyance que leurs pas seraient d’autant plus aisés sur l’allée fleurie au-devant d’eux parce qu’ils comptaient aplanir les chemins difficiles pour d’autres pieds, et avec le sentiment que leurs cœurs étaient plus sûrement enchevêtrés par un amour qui pouvait se rappeler avec tendresse ceux qui n’étaient pas aussi bien lotis qu’eux.

#les quatre filles du docteur march #little women #amy march #theodore laurence #french translation #mes trads

[birbliothecaire]

France Culture avait un débat sur le lesbianisme politique et Marie-Jo Bonnet s'est lancée sur une critique de l'idée du lesbianisme comme avant-garde du féminisme, sur la base que c'est d'abord une relation intime, et maintenant je repense à cette phrase absolument infernale d'une désolation nommée paix

[blog59-world]

https://www.marianne.net/agora/entretiens-et-debats/marie-jo-bonnet-ingrates-nos-filles-neofeministes-nous-interdisent-elles-de-parler-apres-la-menopause?utm_source=nl_quotidienne&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20221004&xtor=EPR-1&_ope=eyJndWlkIjoiY2ZmYWUxNTUzODljYmZjMWI3OGRjZGFiN2ExODIzZDUifQ%3D%3D

[hiddenwashington]

the following characters did not send in their accounts within the allotted time and have been reopened :

mia thermopolis ( applicant : linny )

the following blogs did not post within the allotted time, please unfollow:

@waxsealmuses ( shiva ) ** do not unfollow , mumu acct !

the following blogs have been inactive for seven days and their roles have been reopened. please unfollow :

@tragcdysewn​ ( anastasia romanova ) ** do not unfollow , mumu acct !

@skyfcll​ ( anna marie/rogue , hayley marshall , helena ravenclaw , dimitry , jane foster )  ** do not unfollow , mumu acct !  

@grcycosmcs​ ( chadder )  ** do not unfollow , mumu acct !

@hiddenpxpercuts​ ( aqua walker ) ** do not unfollow , mumu acct !

@svfetch ( all characters )

@nightlccks ( gale hawthorne , stede bonnet ) ** do not unfollow , mumu acct !

@papcrrings ( frank longbottom ) ** do not unfollow , mumu acct !

@summerskissed 

@fragmentedglamour

@delictehearts ( paige matthews ) ** do not unfollow , mumu acct !

@rainbowmuses ( magnus bane ) ** do not unfollow , mumu acct !

the following blogs have been inactive for six days, and now have 24 hours to make an in character post :

@grcycosmcs​ ( edward cullen )

@youllalwaysbemyporcelain​ ( b.e.n., stitch, sisu, sam maek jong, princess bubblegum,  louie duck, jo taeseong, hikaru hitachiin , esme cullen, diana greenfield, dobby, eurydice )

@chainedup ( viktor hargreeves, kang tae moo )

@i-trust-in-love 

@ofxscavengcrs ( queenie goldstein )

@mgrhee ( lydia )

@strangewcrlds 

@delictehearts ( rebekah mikaelson, chrissy cunningham )

@waxsealmuses​ ( alana bloom , izzy hands, luther hargreeves )

the following players are currently on hiatus and are excused from activity :

elle, amber, sunny, sakura, vee, amber, clara, annie

the following players are returning from hiatus and now have 24 hours to post in character, or risk being reopened :

alex ( @mischiefmuses​ )

#hw: activity #hw: unfollow #as always pls let us know if there's any mistakes!

[leblogdebrillante]

“La pénétration entre femmes, ça c’est subversif !”

Entretien avec Marie-Jo Bonnet dans Charlie Hebdo, 11 avril 2018. Propos recueillis par Laure Daussy. (Photo de la page)

Marie-Jo Bonnet fait partie de ces féministes dites “historiques” qui ont marqué le Mouvement de libération des femmes dans les années 1970. Historienne, elle livre dans Mon MLF (Albin Michel) un récit passionnant de son parcours personnel au sein d’un grand mouvement collectif.

Le livre de Marie-Jo Bonnet nous plonge dans ce bouillonnement subversif, parfois brouillon, toujours audacieux, qui voulait mettre à bas le patriarcat. Marie-Jo Bonnet a été contestée ces dernières années en raison de ses prises de position, en tant que lesbienne, contre le mariage pour tous et contre la PMA, mais elle reste une des figures incontournables du MLF.

CHARLIE HEBDO : On associe souvent immédiatement Mai 68 et le féminisme. En réalité, c’est plus compliqué : cela a été un véritable combat, ce MLF... > Marie-Jo Bonnet : Je dirais que le MLF, c’est le refoulé de Mai 68. On croyait avoir tout dit en Mai 68, et on s’est aperçu qu’on avait oublié la moitié de la population. Mai 68, c’est une porte qui s’ouvre et nous allons nous y engouffrer. Les militantes de Mai 68 ont été reléguées au deuxième plan. Les femmes, c’était les petites amies des chefs, celles qui tapaient les tracts, qui servaient le café. C’était toujours les hommes qui prenaient la parole dans les AG, et ils n’écoutaient pas les femmes. Il n’y avait aucune femme parmi les porte-parole de Mai 68. C’est de cette expérience d’effacement qu’est devenue évidente l’idée de faire un mouvement non-mixte.

Les militants de 68 n’avaient pas déconstruit la domination masculine. Attention, le mot “déconstruction” est un concept actuel. Notre mot-clé, c’était la libération des femmes. La libération, c’est un processus qui se déploie dans le temps, dans un mouvement collectif et individuel. Le MLF n’est pas une organisation politique, c’est une expérience commune, une envie d’agir, de se voir tous les jours. Il y avait un plaisir à être ensemble. C’est ça, la clé, l’énergie du MLF. On voulait mettre à bas la “société mâle”. Les analyses, le programme, tout ça est venu petit à petit. On a réussi à faire un mouvement efficace sans structure ni hiérarchie, parce qu’on a libéré le pouvoir d’initiative des femmes.

Vous dites dans le livre que vous n’interprétez pas de la même manière la notion de libération sexuelle. Vous ne revendiquez pas le slogan “jouir sans entraves”. Pourquoi ? On n’avait pas le même rapport à la sexualité. Les revendications des garçons, gays ou hétéros, c’était de “plus jouir”. Les gays se libéraient de la répression sexuelle, avec le FHAR, le Front Homosexuel d’Action Révolutionnaire, qui ressemblait beaucoup au MLF. Pour nous les femmes, lesbiennes et hétéros, il s’agissait de réaliser notre totalité d’être humain. On voulait avoir des relations amoureuses égalitaires, retrouver l’amour de soi et l’amour des autres femmes. C’est la première fois qu’on se positionnait en tant que femmes, qu’on s’alliait entre hétéros et lesbiennes. C’est dans cette alliance que nous avons trouvé le courage et l’énergie de contester la “société mâle”.

Être lesbienne, c’était d’une certaine manière encore plus subversif dans le MLF ? On n’avait rien à perdre, on était le fer de lance du féminisme. Ça suscitait une grande peur, car des hétéros sont tombées amoureuses de femmes, mais ne se considéraient pas lesbiennes pour autant. Alors il y avait les “lesbiennes de toujours” et celles qui le devenaient “par choix politique”, ou par levée de censure sur leurs désirs. Le plus difficile étant de s’accepter comme on est dans une société qui nous rejette. J’avais besoin de dire que j’étais lesbienne, j’avais trop souffert du silence. J’ai vécu un moment extraordinaire à la Mutualité, au Tribunal de dénonciation des crimes contre les femmes, quand j’ai pu dire pour la première fois devant 3000 femmes que j’étais lesbienne. Ça s’est passé sans préméditation, dans la joie collective.

Dès le départ, le MLF est multiple, avec plusieurs groupes différents. Vous-même, vous étiez dans plusieurs de ces groupes ? Absolument, on se cherchait, on n’avait pas de programme politique. Il y a eu le Fhar, mais il y avait des gays misogynes, alors on a créé les Gouines rouges, mais ça ne nous empêchait pas d’aller aux manifs avec le Fhar ! Il y a eu les Féministes révolutionnaires. Il y a eu la Spirale, un groupe de méditations, puis, en 1975, le Groupe d’études féministes de Paris 7. Je suis même allée voir un avortement chez Delphine Seyrig, car nous étions solidaires avec les hétéros. C’était une vie interne. Tous les soirs, ou presque, on avait une réunion. Tout m’intéressait. Il y avait différents niveaux de subversion au MLF. Du rejet de la société mâle à la dissolution des anciennes identités sexuelles, chacune allant ensuite vers sa propre quête. On ne se prenait pas au sérieux. On avait des slogans drôles. Aujourd’hui, je trouve que les féministes manquent d’humour.

Ah ! les féministes manquent d’humour, c’est souvent le discours sexiste qui dit ça... Que voulez-vous dire exactement ? À part le collectif la Barbe, les actions des féministes furent trop sérieuses. Même la campagne Osez le clito ! était sérieuse. Chaque génération redécouvre le clito. Parler de pénétration entre femmes, ça c’est subversif. Pas besoin de pénis ! Ça c’est subversif !

Aujourd’hui, on assiste à un mouvement sans précédent de la libération de la parole des femmes avec MeToo. Quel est votre regard sur ce mouvement ? J’ai participé à MeToo sur les réseaux sociaux, et ça m’a fait du bien. Pour moi, ce mouvement est de même nature que le Manifeste des 343 femmes qui ont déclaré avoir avorté illégalement. Même les femmes puissantes, connues, admirées sont harcelées et parfois violées par leur employeur. Comme pour les 343, quand des femmes connues et des anonymes ont signé, ça a libéré la parole et l’énergie des femmes. On subit encore la loi masculine, le corps des femmes est à leur disposition dans une espace public insécure pour les femmes. Nous avons encore besoin de développer la confiance en soi et la capacité de dire non. Le collectif doit pouvoir aider, protéger, donner le courage de se défendre et de porter plainte.

Vous avez écrit un chapitre sur le soutien du philosophe Michel Foucault à la révolution iranienne. Pourquoi était-ce important pour vous de l’évoquer dans un livre sur le MLF ? Foucault n’a pas vu le danger d’une révolution islamique. Ce danger était pourtant évident : à partir du moment où le pouvoir religieux oblige les femmes à porter le voile, ce n’est plus émancipateur. De même, il n’a pas vu les manifestations de femmes, tête nue, à Téhéran. Il a été victime du syndrome du tchador, qui efface les femmes de la révolution.

#Marie Jo Bonnet

[from-books-with-love]

Il faut se rendre à l'évidence : l'amour entre femmes sent le soufre.

Marie-Jo Bonnet, Les Relations amoureuses entre les femmes du XVIe siècle au XXe siècle.

#marie jo bonnet #les relations amoureuses entre les femmes du xvie siècle au xxe siècle #literature #french quote #humanities #gender studies #lesbians #lesbianism #wlw #from books with love

[sif-the-tsunami]

When you fall apart

But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart. 

Warnings: Yes, all of them. No smut all angst. and no promise of a happy ending. gallows humor, pregnancy loss, infidelity, self medication, spicy language. 

Summary: Sy is a cheating bastard and his wife has had enough. 

Pairing: Syverson, now a Colonel and his long suffering wife Josephine. (marriage is great guys, I promise.)

Just over 3,300 words.

This might not have been what you were expecting @oddsnendsfanfics​

My mother was a genuine Southern debutante, I grew up with pictures of her on the walls with her gorgeous smile and pretty pearl necklaces. Blonde hair and green eyed, she was the most beautiful little slice of American apple pie. Her daddy was the ‘Old Money’ type, and she was his finest accomplishment, she looked, behaved, spoke perfectly. Never once have I heard that woman raise her voice to a man. Hell, I never heard her pass gas in front of anyone for that matter. She is the picture of privilege, she went from her daddy’s house to her sorority house to her husband’s house. Some how, even though she smokes a pack a day, she still looks like she could pass for being forty instead of almost sixty. The last time we saw each other, my friends told me they didn’t know I had an older sister.

Mama married a gentleman who had the good sense to enlist in the military to help support the lifestyle she demanded he provide for her. He was never around much but he gave her a nice house with a lovely front yard, and two little perfect children. He was another one of the old Southern types, I don’t think he ever outright said “I love you, Josephine,” or “I’m proud of you, girl.” Looking back, I don’t think anyone ever did that for him either, so he probably didn’t know how to tell that to me or my brother Theodore. I’m almost sure that he and Mama loved each other once upon a time. Daddy worked hard, he broke his body serving his country, and when he couldn’t do that anymore he broke his own heart trying to please Mama. She must have been disappointed in how her life turned out. She might have had dreams once, when she was younger. I’m pretty sure the last of them were crushed when Daddy died balls deep in the woman who used to perm my Mama’s hair.

Mama played the grieving widow perfectly, not a single person knew that they had been miserable for years. She has worn black out in public ever since. I think the only thing that has really changed is that she has started day drinking now because she’s lonely. I don’t blame her really. She pushed us really hard to be as perfect outwardly as she is, so it is safe to say that she is really disappointed in your truly.

You might be wondering why this all matters, dear reader. However, I find that it is important for you to know this when I tell you I’m remembering this sitting here in the county sheriff’s office, waiting on my Mama to come pick me up because my probably soon to be ex-husband and I got into screaming match, and I may have drunkenly thrown my bottle of tequila at my probably soon to be ex-husband’s head. The details are a little fuzzy at the moment.

“Josephine Syverson, your mother is here to pick you up.” The Sheriff’s deputy starts in his slow drawl, “Now don’t you go pickin’ no fights with your husband. You’re lucky he ain’t pressing charges. Go sleep it off now, Ma’am. I’m sure you two kids will work it out.”

I wait until he can’t see my face to roll my eyes. And low and behold, there she is, my Mama drove four hours to come and pick me up. She’s in a black vintage driving coat, and her hair is covered by a dark gray satin bonnet. It doesn’t matter that it is half past midnight, she is still the beauty queen she has always been. I drank enough Jose Cuervo tonight that my head is still swimming, but I walk with the grace and dignity she taught me.

“Oh my Lord, Josie, what have you done to yourself?” She asks. “Thank you, officers, I’ll get her back on track.”

We make our way out to the car and Mama unlocks the door for me. I slide in and as soon as my butt hits the leather of her seats, I start crying all over again. She gives me the packet of tissues she keeps in her purse then hands a little make-up bag.

“So, what was is this time, Josie, I swear to Lord Jesus that if he laid a hand on you, your brother and I will bury him in the back yard.” She says turning on her Cadillac. “Get cleaned up, you are coming home with me. Maybe James will be smart enough to figure out where you went.”

“Mama?” Who was this woman? She never talks like this.

“Come on, your mama isn’t as dumb as she looks. Although he evidently is.” She lights up a cigarette and offers me one.

“I quit when we started trying… Even after… well… everything, I didn’t start back up.”

She pats my leg. I unzip the bag to find makeup wipes, mascara, face powder and some brick red lipstick. We might not get along all the time but she is a damn life saver. I have black rivers of my own eyeliner and mascara from earlier today streaking my face. I clean myself up as much as I can and then reapply some make-up. “There, now that you are looking better, tell me what happened...”

“Where do you want me to start? I swear this started after his first deployment.”

“Okay, Josie, start there.”

James Syverson is an Army Ranger, I met him after he finished officers school. Because of the nature of military special forces, they deploy more often than most jobs in the military. I understand that they are under a lot of pressure during these deployments and because he is in a position in leadership I opted to give him as much room as he needed. The other officer’s wives informed me that I needed to recalibrate my expectations of what could happen. They warned me that what happens on deployment shouldn’t be held against him when he gets home. And I didn’t, until a girl barely old enough to visit a bar came up to my door asking for my husband with a hand on her belly. She was just as surprised to see me as I was to see her.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am. I just looked up Syverson in the phone book, and I didn’t know he was married.”

“Is it his?”

“Ma’am?”

“I can see that you are pregnant. Is. It. His?”

“I… I don’t know…” She said quietly.

“He is still over there. Do not come here again unless you are requesting a paternity test.” And I slammed the door shut. She did come back for the test results when he came home. Turned out that the baby wasn’t his. Small favors, right?

I never faulted the women who fell in love with him. I knew how special he could make them feel, its how I fell in love with him in the first place. After everything he’s put me through it almost doesn’t matter when it is just the two of us. All I have ever wanted was for it to be just the two of us again, but I don’t know think I can wait for him to retire.

“How many times do you think he’s done it?”

“At least once a deployment. The most recent one saw us at the movies last night. He was holding my hand like nothing had ever happened. When he was coming back from the concession stand, a little redhead stopped him and asked who he was here with. When she saw me, she looked like she saw a ghost. He came back up, handed me my pop, kissed my cheek and wrapped his arm around me. He said ‘I promise you, it is not what it looks like.’ but the bitch and her friend kept looking over their shoulders to peek at us. I saw her texting someone and then his phone vibrated, but he didn’t look at his phone until I wasn’t with him.”

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph.” She lit up again. “And you’ve just been sitting on this, the entire time?”

“Yeah, I learned from the best, Mama. I didn’t want to let you down. You taught me to never let them see me cry.”

“Oh, my baby girl...”

The rest of the night at the movies, I kept it to myself, I’ve had enough. The boiling, seething hatred I was feeling for both of them. I hate that they are always younger than me. I hate that it always makes me like I’m not enough. When I woke up this morning had a beer in the shower. I always save the last one for him, so taking the last one was a big “fuck you” to him. He tried to climb in with me until he saw me drinking in the shower.

“Woman, what are you doing?” He asked. Like he wasn’t the one who introduced me to the idea of a shower beer.

“I’m going to keep drinking ‘til my heart stops hurting, Sy. I don’t know what else to do. But whatever it is that we keep doing, I can’t keep it up anymore. Get out.” I have never denied him, no matter what he wanted. And up until this morning, I had been an amazing wife to him. In the fifteen years of marriage, he has only had to do his own laundry when he was away from home. And even then, he probable conned someone into doing it for him. I have lost almost every friend I have made from relocating so often. I have started and stopped working on my Master’s degree more times than I can count. And now here I am, mid-thirties with none of my own goals accomplished to show for all of the work I have done over the years. If I had opened my mouth, even once, about his indiscretions, he never would have made it to Colonel. Not once have I complained.

After I dried my body off, I walked into the kitchen, naked as the day I was born and grabbed my trusty kitchen sheers. I needed a change. He paused the game he was playing long enough to watch me walk past him with my scissors and the bottle of margaritas.

“Jo, it’s nine in the morning. Being a little dramatic, aren’t we? We going to church today?”

“Why, James? You’ve been yelling ‘Oh my god,’ between some whore’s legs fairly regularly, I’m sure he knows you are a big fan.” I walked away before he could reply, locking the door behind me to our bedroom. He pounded on the door a few times but got the hint that I was not in the mood to be talked to when I turned up Chris LeDoux as loud as I could play it. Then I went to go give myself bangs.

When the music fades, the house is silent. No video games, no football, nothing. I continue to drink from my bottle and the world becomes a little more tolerable. Now, I am not a heavy drinker. Sy teases me all the time about how cheap of a date I am.

“Josephine!” He snaps at me in his soldier voice and I drop the margaritas.

“Jesus fuck, Sy, why you gotta scare me like that.”

“Oh, you are the one getting scared, woman, I have never seen you act like this before.”

“That’s because you ain’t here every time one of your indiscretions comes knocking on the door of my house. Never once have I expected sainthood from you, James, I learned better after your first deployment,” he won’t look me in the eye, either he’s ashamed of what he’s been doing or he is going to punch a whole in the wall tonight. “You would have seen this if you had been around after my daddy died. This is your wife, Syverson, she goes a little crazy from time to time.

“You know how hard I tried to come home for that, that is not fair Josephine.”

“I’m sure you did try. I wish you would try a little harder when it comes to picking out these dumb sluts who think that you are just going to run away from home as soon as you come back from the sandbox. I have received notes on my car windshield telling me that you were going to leave me for them. How you loved them and you were just suffering with me. That I’m hateful, and spiteful, and they could treat you so much better then I ever could. What have you been telling these girls, James, for them to think I am some kind of monster? Haven’t I been a good wife to you? What did I do to you to make you hate me this much?”

“I had no idea that they were doing that. I don’t hate you, baby. You have been a better wife than I probably could have ever deserved. Is that what you want to hear? I know I’m a rotten bastard. How long have you been holding this in, Josie?” His face darkens, I can see all the rage boiling up in him too.

“Don’t you call me that name, you son of a bitch.” I spit at him.

“How long?”

“Since Cassandra came up holding her belly, waiting to tell you that she made you a daddy. Too bad it wasn’t the first time, or I actually might have been worried that you’d leave. I hadn’t even stopped bleeding yet before she tried to take you.” I snarled back at him. And he face drops. Twelve years ago, we tried. I was seven months pregnant when I lost our son. Sy’s squad was wiped out after a night of heavy combat. He barely made it out alive himself. I got a phone call about his injuries and I must have made a deal with the devil himself. I would put up with the womanizing, the long distance, the heartache, just please have him come up to me. I would give anything to save him, I had thought. An hour after I got the call that he had woken up and was safely on a ship in the Mediterranean sea, I started to go into early labor.

“Oh, fuck me. That long?” He whispers. He rubs his face, the stubble was getting long, unless he was out in the field, he kept himself within regulations. He reached out to hold me but I shrug off his touch. He walked away from me, thinking that maybe he might let me calm down and we would go back to being a picture perfect couple again. He could just do whatever he wanted and I will grin and bare it.

I cleaned up the mess I made then went back to the bedroom to put on something on me other than shame. We gave each other space until the evening came around. He came in to ask if I had any plans for dinner. Wrong question, buddy. I walked to the kitchen in my tight black yoga pants and a tank top, went to the liquor cabinet, grabbed my favorite bottle of tequila and took three long gulps.

“That’s my plan, worry about yourself.”

“You haven’t had any real food today, you need to eat something.”

“Eat my ass, Colonel.” With that he pins me to the wall, the room spins around me and I start thrashing against him. He’s got probably 100lbs on me and more combative training than I can remember, so as you can well imagine this is going super great for me. I stop long enough to see the tears forming in his eyes. “Was there ever anything special between us, did you keep any part of yourself just for me?”

“Josephine, you are the only woman I have ever loved. I never even implied that I had any feelings towards them. They knew from the beginning it was simply recreational. Jo, you know you are my best friend.”

“Then why do you keep hurting me? Why am I not enough, Sy? Why do they keep getting you at your best, and I have to put all of your broken pieces back together again when you finally do come home.” Remember every time he woke up screaming the names of his fallen friends. When we have to leave BBQ’s early on the 4th of July because the fireworks remind him of mortar shells.

“You are enough. You are more than enough. I couldn’t have made it this far without you. It has never been anything other than stress relief with them.” The first tear rolls down his cheek. “I love you, Pussycat, now please lets get some food in you. Are you going to be good?”

“Haven’t I always been good. Been good, but not good enough.” I whine and slide down the wall once his hands are off of me. Good lord, where the hell is my dignity. 

He lets me go gently and leaves to make me a peanut butter sandwich. While his back is turned, I grab the bottle one more time and take another long swig. This is where the rest of my night is very fuzzy until I came to in the back of the squad car.

He evidently tried to take the bottle from me, I threw it at him, it went wide and smashed against the wall. He took me to the ground, just tried to keep me from hurting either of us and I screamed at him every vile thing I could think of until the sheriff showed up. They tried to take him in, seeing that I was a sobbing mess on the floor. I told them I tried to hurt him, so they handcuffed me and took me in. Before they drove off, James brought a sweater and my purse out for me. I watched a couple of nosy housewives standing at the end of their drive ways. I’m pretty sure I flipped them the bird and they looked at me with disgust.

Now I’m sitting here, in Mama’s Cadillac, licking my wounds.

“Why in the name of God have you not told me about any of this?” Mama asks, this is now her sixth cigarette. I think she’s trying not to turn the car around.

“I thought you would have told me to get over myself and save face.” I say as we pull to her house.

“No, baby girl, I wouldn’t have. No one, especially not my daughter, deserves to be treated like that. Ooo I never liked the boy. Your daddy used to say that cowboy was all hat and no cattle. Let’s get some sleep, Princess. We will go get your stuff in the morning.”

I make my way to my childhood bedroom and collapse down on the bed. Before I close my eyes for the night, I finally check my phone. He had been blowing up my text messages.

I realize that I have never apologized to you about my short comings. But I swear to you, I will get out of the army if you want me to. We can move anywhere you want to, we can start over, just the two of us. I’m so sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry that you kept this all from me. I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t love you. These where from six hours ago.

I don’t know when you will get your phone back, I love you. This was from before my mom collected me.

They told me you have been released from custody but didn’t say to who. Who ever picked you up asked them not to tell me. Are you safe?

I love you. Please. Let me know where you are, I’ll come get you. I hope that you are just ignoring me because you are asleep.

I reply to him with a simple Mama picked me up. Get some sleep. We will talk in the morning.

No ‘I love you’ from me tonight although it killed me not to tell him. Tomorrow, I will figure out if what we have can be saved. But that is tomorrow Josie’s problem.

#captain syverson #henry cavill fanfic #my apologies to henry cavill #henry cavill

[outlander-babes]

A Breath Of Snow And Ashes Thoughts

Those poor people

I don’t trust MacDonald

THE LASSIE REFERENCE OH MY GOD

Lmao I had to ask my dad when Lassie came out

I love fat raccoons but not when they’re eating stuff they’re not supposed to

I can’t fucking believe Bree hit Roger with a potato

They’re so cute lmao

Ian and Rollo are babies

IANS NAMED AFTER MURTAGH IM GONNA CRY

The Beardsley’s I love my boys so much

The McGillverays are as always iconic

Baby Jemmy is drunk lmao

Hmm Bobby Higgin’s backstory is making my American education act up lmao

This just in: I’m in love with Bobby Higgins

Oh noo Lizzie!!

THE BEARDSLEYS ARE SO CUTE THEY LOVE LIZZIE SO MUCH OH MY GOOOOOD

Bree’s gonna blow shit up and I love that for her

Jemmy and Roger have my whole heart

Jamie and Ian are SO FUNNY

HAVE I MENTIONED HOW MUCH I LOVE DUNCAN INNES

Phaedre is a QUEEN and I think if she didn’t have to protect Jemmy she would’ve decked Steven Bonnet

ROGER IS SUCH A GOOD DAD

Jamie’s fixation with Claire’s ass always makes me giggle

Malva’s so cute

Tom makes me laugh

Brianna is so cute and I’m so proud of her matches

That poor little baby she was so small

Why do we keep fucking traumatizing roger Jesus Christ

Marsali and her baby better be ok or so help me god

Listen I get it he didn’t really help her and Jamie made a good call but Tebbe should have been allowed to escape

Donner and Lionel Brown can choke

GOD DIANA GABALDONS PROSE IS SO GOOD

The way I literally got my favorite teacher to agree to read Outlander based off the back of this book and a snippet of prose

Roger is baby

I’m glad Claire finds Jamie’s naked women situation as funny as I do

MRS BUG IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

FUCK LIONEL BROWN UGH

Mrs Bug is a bad bitch and I love her

ITS WHAT HE DESERVES

THE BUGS ARE SO CUTE AHHHH

Fergus get your shit together

YAY THE BABY AND MARSALI ARE OK

I would DIE for Henri-Christian

Ian is baby I feel so bad

Roger is becoming the unofficial minister that’s so cute!!!

I love Mrs MacCallum

Mrs Wilson is HYSTERICAL

Bobby and Lizzie are so cute omg

YAY I LOVE THE TUSCARORA!!

Jamie baby it’s gonna be ok I believe in you

The old lady seems very nice

Jenny is into bdsm and I’m very proud of her

I love Malva she’s baby

MANFRED OWN UP TO YOUR SHIT

Lizzie sweetie I love you so much

NOOO DONT BE MEAN TO JOSEPH ITS NOT HIS FAULT YOUR SON FELL IN LOVE WITH A PROSTITUTE

Poor baby Aiden

Allen Christie can suck a dick

ROGER IS BABY SWEET BOY

I love Jamie he’s such a good dad

Jamie having a little crushey crush on Flora MacDonald is so cute!!

Yay Roger go be a minister!!

WINDY GOAT DONNER SUCK A WHOLE PENIS CHALLENGE

I would THROW DOWN for Dr Fentiman

I hope Mrs Slyvie is a reoccurring character I like her

Yay Roger’s a minister!!

Smh teenage boys out to ruin everything

Bobby’s so cute!!!

Nooo the poor baby and her mom 😭😭

Claire is such a good doctor

The fact that Claire was straight up on the verge of death, saw one (1) girl flirting with Jamie and went “HELL NO” is sO FUNNY

Roger blessing Henri-Christian was so sweet omg

NOOOO FERGUS MY SWEET BOY

Jamie only being worried about Claire’s ass is so on brand lord help me

“You look like a convict” MR CHRISTIE YOU CANT SAY THINGS LIKE THAT

Claire playing detective lmao

Jemmy and Germaine’s friendship is so wholesome

Mrs Bug carrying an entire spinning wheel on her back…strong queen

Ian and Bree are cousin goals

Poor Ian he just wanted to be happy

Listen I would DIE for Duncan and Phaedre

THEY DESERVE TO BE HAPPY

LIZZIE IS MY QUEEN!!!

Like yes girl get those identical husbands!!

ROGER IS JEMMY’S BIO DAD YAY!!!

Him shaving his head so they match is sO SOFT 🥺🥺

Lizzie and the Beardsley’s are so cute they love their baby so much

THE WAR HAS BEGUN!!!

The Christie’s can kick rocks

Stan Mary MacNab

Claire and Jamie are and have always been the power couple

Roger’s trying to be a good person

Oh sweet baby Ian don’t worry you’ll be happy one day

Yes!! Get that independence!!

“My malva” the way Claire has me in tEARS over this little girl

LET JOSEPH BE HAPPY

Stan Tom Christie

I would die for Sadie Ferguson

Mrs Martin is a vibe

STAN TOM CHRISTIE

Manfred and Eppie are so cute!!

Do I feel bad for Bonnet…HELL FUCKING NO JESUS CHRIST

YAY ITS PHADRE!!!

Brianna’s a bamf but we knew that

NOOOO JOSH!!!

I FUCKING HATE BONNET DROWN HIS ASS ITS WHAT HE DESERVES

Stan the Lindsey brothers

Ok ok ok they keep fucking up Lillywhite’s name and it’s sO FUNNY

Murtagh 🥺🥺

John babe wtf

Listen I love John I do but he fuckin pisses me off ok

MOTHERFUCKER GAVE AWAY HECTOR’S RING EVEN THOUGH HE HAD A DIFFERENT STONE

Hector I’m so sorry a bitch would do that

Brianna should have fucking told Willie the truth idgaf

Lowkey wishing Brianna let bonnet drown

Ian did the right thing

WINDY GOAT’S DEAD HALLELUJAH

Stan the Bugs

Listen I want to know the logistics of this 200 y/o chest

The way all the facts of that paper are false lmao

#Vic reads outlander #Vic rambles about outlander #claire fraser #diana gabaldon #jamie fraser #outlander #outlander starz #brianna x roger #claire x jamie #brianna mackenzie #roger mackenzie #ABOSAA

[qqueenofhades]

Thanks for writing DVLA, it was wonderful. I haven’t gotten that absorbed in something in a while, and I read it twice while on a camping trip this weekend. And then spent a lot of time just staring out the window being sad about the Crusades and just these two beautiful queer disasters in general. (A HUNDRED YEARS OF PINING. I LOVED IT). (1/6)

It was everything I wanted, so satisfying, and the thread of Crusades and faith conflicts and the stupid complicated ways humans find to hurt each other was really masterfully woven through. I learned so much; I had a basic idea of the Crusades but you filled everything in and made it come alive. And you got across so well that people across history are just people. (2/6) 

Maryam was my favourite, I would read anything with more of her in it as well. The Constantinople section and the way it ended just ripped my heart out. (PHIL.) I was so glad Hippolyta and Rebecca got out safe. But the end to such a lovely sunlit chapter of life was heartwrenching. (3/6) 

It means a lot to me, as someone trying to confront her own faith’s and her ancestors’awful actions in the past, to have someone present religious conflict the way you do. Part motivations like conquest and glory and riches, part motivated by faith, and very much something that I or anyone else could fall into just as easily as people in the past did. (4/6) 

I graduated three years ago with a minor in history and have done absolutely nothing with it - I was burned out for ages on even reading anything, and I haven’t read anything academically rigorous in so long. This felt like a perfect reintroduction to history, and it made me want to do research and read history again, for the first time in years. (5/6) 

I’m noting the resources you’ve recommended to some other folks about medieval queerness and the Crusades, but I was wondering if you also had any recommendations for reading about Julian of Norwich specifically, or queerness in female medieval religious spaces in general? Thank you so much, I’ve followed your blog for a long time and always love reading your posts. (6/6) 

Ahh, thanks so much. Once again, I must bow to someone’s superlative tumblr ninjitsu skills both in knowing the number of asks it will take ahead of time and preventing the blue hellsite from eating any of them.

I’ve had so many people say these absolutely lovely things to me about DVLA -- about the history, the religion, the journey, the story, the reactions they had to these themes, how they felt inspired by it -- and I really am truly humbled by it. I think it speaks to the way all of us felt some kind of ownership or reflection or empowerment in Joe and Nicky’s story and the way it unfolds both on screen in the TOG film and our own conceptions and reactions and engagement with it. It’s just one of the best ships I can think of in terms of that, and I’m worried that anything I say will end up sounding trite, but I really do mean that.

As a historian, I am obviously delighted to hear that it made you want to return to or re-engage with the subject in some way, as well as to use it to help think through the religious themes for yourself. Because as I said in my answer to how to deal with the history in a hypothetical Joe/Nicky prequel movie, we can’t just have the easy luxury of being like “oh all the crusaders were clearly religious zealots and we would never be like that and never do anything like that.” Because a) we already do that, and b) it prevents us from assessing ourselves and our own behaviour and our own troubling patterns and habits if we just arrogantly assume that all the people in the past were stupider and/or less enlightened than we were and clearly We Won’t Make Those Mistakes. So we have to see ourselves in them in some way, and to understand they still did those things, they still destroyed a lot of beautiful things in their world for ultimately no good reason at all. We’re doing the same thing, we justify it to ourselves in different ways, and the goals and the stakes are a lot larger in a globalized world, and anything that sets up medieval people (or really any people in the past, but the medieval era is the stick that gets used the most often) as so unlike us and so inferior to us is just genuinely dangerous. So yes. I’m sure you know my feelings on that topic.

Maryam, Rebecca, and Hippolyta have all gotten a lot of love, which I think is great, and it seems to be the consensus that chapter 4 ruined everyone’s lives. This is understandable, since I’ve mentioned the fact that despite the pain, I think it’s possibly my favourite, and I am glad that everyone had the totally normal emotions over the sack of Constantinople that I also had while writing it. Because yes! It is a tragedy the likes of which was still a Thing in the year 2004, the 800th anniversary, when the pope felt moved to apologize for it! The scale of what it destroyed and took away and the way it influenced history afterward (as Joe is thinking at the start of chapter 6) is just MASSIVE, and... yes.

As for reading recs (and again, it delights me that you want to dip your toe back into reading academic history), I don’t have anything about Julian of Norwich specifically (though there’s a LOT about her out there, especially right now, so I’m sure you can nose about and see what turns up). But as for queerness in female medieval religious spaces (with some bonus medieval queer ladies in general):

Sahar Amer, Crossing Borders: Love between Women in Medieval French and Arabic Literatures (Philadelphia: University of Pennsylvania Press, 2008)

Judith Bennett, ‘ “Lesbian-Like” and the Social History of Lesbianisms,’ Journal of the History of Sexuality, 9 (2000), 9–22.

Marie-Jo Bonnet, ‘Sappho: Or the Importance of Culture in the Language of Love: Tribade, Lesbienne, Homosexuelle’, in Queerly Phrased: Language, Gender, and Sexuality, ed. by Anna Livia and Kira Hall (New York: Oxford University Press, 1997), 147–66.

Bernadette Brooten, Love Between Women: Early Christian Responses to Female Homoeroticism (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1996)

Mary Anne Campbell, ‘Redefining Holy Maidenhood: Virginity and Lesbianism in Late Medieval England’, Medieval Feminist Forum, 13 (1992) 14-15.

Carol Lansing, ‘Donna con donna? A 1295 Inquest into Female Sodomy’, Studies in Medieval and Renaissance History, 3 (2005) 109-122.

Kathy Lavezzo, ‘Sobs and Sighs Between Women: The Homoerotics of Compassion in The Book of Margery Kempe.’, in Premodern Sexualities, ed. by Louise Fradenburg and Carla Freccero (New York: Routledge, 1996), pp. 175-198.

E. Ann Matter, ‘My Sister, My Spouse: Woman-Identified Women in Medieval Christianity’, in Weaving the Visions, ed. by Judith Plaskow and Carol P. Christ (San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1989), pp. 51–62.

Jacqueline Murray, ‘Twice Marginal and Twice Invisible: Lesbians in the Middle Ages’, in Handbook of Medieval Sexuality, ed. by Vern L. Bullough and James A. Brundage (New York: Garland, 1996), pp. 191–222.

Nancy Sorkin Rabinowitz, Among Women: From the Homosocial to the Homoerotic in the Ancient World. Austin: University of Texas Press, 2002

Susan Schibanoff, ‘Hildegard of Bingen and Richardis of Stade: The Discourse of Desire’, in Same Sex: Love and Desire Among Women in the Middle Ages, ed. by Francesca Canadé Sautman and Pamela Sheingorn (New York: Palgrave, 2001), pp. 49-83.

Have fun!!

#history #medieval history #queer history #greenestcoat #ask #dvla asks

[maddie-grove]

The Top Twenty Books I Read in 2019

My main takeaways from the past year’s reading:

Sometimes you think something is happening because of magic, but then it turns out to have a non-magical explanation so weird that you find yourself saying, “You know what? I wish faeries or God were responsible for this. I’d honestly feel less disturbed.”

Stop bathing and changing your clothes and shaving for three years, three months, and three days. You’ll find out who your real friends are. I promise you that.

I want more books about bisexual ladies!!! Give them to me!!!

Anyway...

20. The Prodigal Duke by Theresa Romain (2017)

Childhood sweethearts Poppy Hayworth and Leo Billingsley were separated when his older brother, a duke, sent him away to make his fortune. Years later, the duke is dead, a financially successful Leo has come back to England to take his place, and Poppy has become a rope dancer at Vauxhall Gardens after a life-shattering event. New sparks are flying between them, but is love possible when so much else has changed? Leo and Poppy are believable and charming as old friends, Romain makes great use of obscure historical details from the oft-depicted Regency period, and I loved Leo’s difficult but caring elderly uncle.

19. Simple Jess by Pamela Morsi (1996)

Althea Winsloe, a young widow in 1900s Arkansas, has no interest in remarrying, but almost everyone in her small Ozarks community is pressuring her to remarry, and she still needs someone to help farm her land. Enter Jesse Best, a strong young man with cognitive disabilities who’s happy to take on the work. As he makes improvements to her farm and bonds with her three-year-old son, Althea gets to know him better and starts to see him in a new light. This earthy romance could’ve been a disaster, but instead it illustrates how people with disabilities are often...uh...simplified and de-sexualized in a way that denies them autonomy. Morsi has a similarly nuanced take on Althea and Jesse’s community, which is claustrophobic and supportive all at once.

18. Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli (2018)

Outspoken and insecure, bisexual high school senior Leah Burke is having a tough year. Her friend group is in turmoil, her single mom is seriously dating someone, and she’s caught between a sweet boy she’s not sure about and a pretty, perfect straight girl who couldn’t possibly be into her...right??? The sequel to the very cute Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, Leah on the Offbeat pulls a The Godfather: Part II with its messy protagonist, sweetly surprising romance, and masterful comic set piece involving the Atlanta American Girl Doll restaurant.

17. Copper Sun by Sharon M. Draper (2006)

Kidnapped from her home in eighteenth-century Ghana, fifteen-year-old Amari is sold into slavery and winds up on a South Carolina plantation, where she faces terrible cruelty but finds friends in an enslaved cook, her little son, and eventually a sulky white indentured servant around her age. When their master escalates his already-atrocious behavior, the three young people flee south to the Spanish Fort Mose in search of freedom. Draper’s complicated characters, vivid descriptions, and deft handling of heavy subjects makes for top-notch historical YA fiction.

16. A Prince on Paper by Alyssa Cole (2019)

After her controlling politician father was jailed for poisoning a bunch of people in their small, prosperous African country, Nya Jerami gained unprecedented freedom but also became the subject of vicious gossip. Johan von Braustein, the hard-partying stepson of a European monarch, wants to help her, partly because he sympathizes and partly because he has a crush, but she thinks he’s too frivolous and horny (if wildly attractive). After an embarrassing misunderstanding compels them to enter a fake engagement, though, she begins to wonder if there’s more to him. I’m not a huge fan of contemporary romance, but this novel has the perfect combination of heartfelt emotion, delicious melodrama, and adorable fluff. 

15. One Perfect Rose by Mary Jo Putney (1997)

Stephen, the Duke of Ashburton, has always done the proper and responsible thing, but that all changes when he learns that he’s terminally ill. Wandering the countryside in the guise of an ordinary gentleman, he ends up joining an acting troupe and falling in love with Rosalind, the sensible adopted daughter of the two lead actors. Like another Regency romance on this list, this novel celebrates love in many forms: there’s the love story between Stephen and Rosalind, yes, but there’s also Rosalind’s loving relationship with her adopted family, the new bonds she forms with her long-lost blood relatives, the way her two families embrace the increasingly frightened Stephen, and the healing rifts between Stephen and his well-meaning but distant siblings. Stephen’s reconciliation with his mortality is also moving.

14. My One and Only Duke by Grace Burrowes (2018)

Facing a death sentence in Newgate, footman-turned-prosperous banker Quinton Wentworth decides to do one last good thing: marry Jane McGowan, a poor pregnant widow, so she and the baby will be financially set. Then he receives a pardon and a dukedom at the literal last minute, meaning that he and Jane have a more permanent arrangement than either intended. I fell in love with the kind-but-difficult protagonists almost at once, and with Burrowes’s gorgeous prose even faster. 

13. Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell (2013)

It’s 1986, and comics-loving, post-punk-listening, half-Korean Park and bright, weird, constantly bullied Eleanor are just trying to get through high school in their rough Omaha neighborhood. He’s only grudgingly willing to let her share his bus seat at first, but this barely civil acquaintance slowly thaws into friendship and blossoms into love. Far from being the whimsical eighties-nostalgia-fest I expected, this is a bittersweet love story about two isolated young people who find love, belonging, and a chance for self-expression with each other in an often-hostile environment (a small miracle pre-Internet).

12. Shrill by Lindy West (2016)

In this memoir, Lindy West talks about the difficulties of being a fat woman, the thankless task of being vocally less-than-enthused about rape jokes, the joys of moving past self-doubt, and the very real possibility that Little John from Disney’s Robin Hood was played by “bear actor” Baloo, among other subjects. I was having a hard time during my last semester of law school this past spring, and this book’s giddy humor and inspiring messages really helped me in my hour of need.

11. Seduction: Sex, Lies, and Stardom in Howard Hughes's Hollywood by Karina Longworth (2018)

In 1925, very young businessman Howard Hughes breezed into Hollywood with nothing but tons of family wealth, a soon-to-be-divorced wife, and a simple dream: make movies about fast planes and big bosoms. He got increasingly weird and reactionary over the next thirty years, then retired from public life. More a history of 1920s-1950s Hollywood than a biography, this book has the same sharp writing and in-depth film analysis that makes me love Longworth’s podcast You Must Remember This.

10. The Beguiled by Thomas Cullinan (1966)

In Civil-War-era Virginia, iron-willed Martha Farnsworth and her nervous younger sister try to run their nearly empty girls’ boarding school within earshot of a battlefield. When one girl finds Union soldier John McBurney injured in the woods, she brings him back to the house, where he exploits every conflict and secret among the eight girls and women (five students, two sisters, and one enslaved cook). Charming and manipulative, he nevertheless finds himself in over his head. Cullinan makes great use of the eight POVs and the deliciously claustrophobic setting; it’s fascinating to watch the power dynamics and allegiances shift from scene to scene.

9. A Gentleman Never Keeps Score by Cat Sebastian (2018)

Reserved tavern keeper Sam Fox wants to help out his brother’s sweetheart by finding and destroying a nude portrait she once sat for; disgraced gentleman Hartley Sedgwick isn’t sure what he wants after having his life ruined twice over, but he happened to inherit his house from the man who commissioned the painting...plus he’s not exactly reluctant to assist kind, handsome Sam in his quest. I wrote about this heart-melting romance two times last year; suffice it to say that it’s not only one of the best Regencies I’ve ever read, but also possibly the best romance I’ve ever read about the creation of a found family.

8. Frog Music by Emma Donoghue (2014)

Blanche Beunon, a French-born burlesque dancer in 1876 San Francisco, has a lot going on: her mooching boyfriend has turned on her, her sick baby is missing, and her cross-dressing, frog-hunting friend Jenny Bonnet was just shot dead right next to her. In the middle of a heat wave, a smallpox epidemic, and a little bit of mob violence, she must locate her son and solve Jenny’s murder. This is a glorious work of historical fiction; you can see, hear, smell, and feel the chaotic world of 1870s San Francisco, plus Blanche’s character arc is amazing.

7. The Patrick Melrose novels (Never Mind, Bad News, Some Hope, Mother’s Milk, and At Last) by Edward St. Aubyn (1992, 1992, 1994, 2005, and 2012, respectively)

Born to an embittered English aristocrat and an idealistic American heiress, Patrick Melrose lives through his father’s sadistic abuse and his mother’s willful blindness (Never Mind),  does a truly staggering amount of drugs in early adulthood (Bad News), and makes a good-faith effort at leading a normal life (Some Hope). Years later, the life he’s built with his wife and two sons is threatened by his alcoholism and reemerging resentment of his mother (Mother’s Milk), but there may be a chance to salvage something (At Last). Despite the suffering and cruelty on display, these novels were the farthest thing from a dismaying experience, thanks to the sharp characterization, grim humor, and great sense of setting. Also, I love little Robert Melrose, an anxious eldest child after my own heart. 

6. The Perilous Gard by Elizabeth Marie Pope (1974)

In 1550s England, no-nonsense Kate Sutton is exiled to the Perilous Gard, a remote castle occupied by suspicious characters, including the lord’s guilt-ridden younger brother Christopher. Troubled by the holes she sees in the story of the tragedy that haunts him, she does some problem-solving and ends up in a world of weird shit. Cleverly plotted, deliciously spooky, and featuring an all-time-great heroine, this book was an absolute treat. The beautiful Richard Cuffari illustrations in my edition didn’t hurt, either.

5. An Unconditional Freedom by Alyssa Cole (2019)

Daniel Cumberland, a free black man from New England traumatized from being sold into slavery, and Janeta Sanchez, a mixed-race Cuban-Floridian lady from a white Confederate family, have been sent on a mission to the Deep South by the Loyal League, a pro-Union spy organization. Initially hostile to everyone (but particularly to somewhat naive Janeta), Daniel warms to his colleague, but will her secrets, his shattered faith in justice, and the various dangers they face prevent them from falling in love? Nah. Alyssa Cole’s historical romances deliver both on the history and the romance, and this is one of her strongest entries.

4. The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics by Olivia Waite (2019)

Heartbroken by the death of her father and the marriage of her ex-girlfriend, Lucy Muchelney decides she needs a change of scenery and takes a live-in position translating a French astronomy text for Catherine St. Day, the recently widowed Countess of Moth. Catherine, used to putting her interests on hold for an uncaring spouse, is intrigued by this awkward, independent lady. I’ve read f/f romances before, but this sparkling Regency was the first to really blow me away with its fun banter, neat historical details, and perfect sexual tension.

3. The Wager by Donna Jo Napoli (2010)

After losing his entire fortune to a tidal wave, Sicilian nineteen-year-old Don Giovanni de la Fortuna sinks into poverty and near-starvation. Then Devil makes him an offer: all the money he wants for as long as he lives if he doesn’t bathe, cut his hair, shave, or change his clothes for three years, three months, and three days. This fairy-tale retelling is an extraordinarily moving fable about someone who learns to acknowledge his own suffering, recognize it in others, and extend compassion to all. 

2. Vampires in the Lemon Grove by Karen Russell (2013)

In this collection, Russell weaves strange tales of silkworm-women hybrids in Japan, seagulls who collect objects from the past and future, and, yes, vampires in the lemon grove. She also posits the very important question: “What if most (but not all) U.S. presidents were reincarnated as horses in the same stable and had a lot of drama going on?” My favorite stories were “Proving Up” (about a nineteenth-century Nebraska boy who encounters death and horror on the prairie), “The Graveless Doll of Eric Mutis” (about a disadvantaged high school student who discovers an effigy of the even more hapless boy he tormented), and “The Barn at the End of the Term” (the horse-president story). 

1. The Wonder by Emma Donoghue (2016)

Lib Wright, an Englishwoman who has floundered since her days working for Florence Nightingale during the Crimean War, is hired to observe Anna O’Donnell, an eleven-year-old Irish girl famous for not eating for four straight months. With a jaundiced attitude towards the Irish and Catholicism, Lib is confident that she’ll quickly expose Anna as a fraud, but she finds herself liking the girl and getting increasingly drawn into the disturbing mystery of her fast. Like The Perilous Gard, this novel masterfully plays with the possibility of the supernatural, then introduces a technically mundane explanation that’s somehow much more eerie. Donoghue balances the horror and waste that surrounds Anna, though, with the clear, bright prose and the moving relationship that develops between her and Lib, who grows beyond her narrow-mindedness and emotional numbness. I stayed up half the night to finish this novel, which cemented Emma Donoghue’s status as my new favorite author.

#books #reading #top twenty

[naura-speaks]

I love making names necessarily and incorrectly long

For example:

Derek/Dericho

Julie/Juliana

Emma/Emmeline

Bob/Bobert

Katie/Katarina

Mary/Maryanne

Lily/Lilliputian

Rose/Rosanne

Really if you just add anne

Ally/Alleluia

Luke/Lucas/Luka/take your pick

(male) Alex/Alexa

Allen/Alaina

Really any hilariously gender swapped name

Marco/Marcus

Dmitri/Dmitrovsky

Joel/Joseph

Bonnie/Bonnet

Peter/Spiderman

Jenelle aka Jo/Josephine

Anna/Anastasia

Jeff/Jeffanie

Barry/Barold

Alice/Alicia

Feel free to add more~

[atomic--peach]

Southern Saying

 Because it’s not just Australia that has weird saying.

Cadiwampus: slightly crooked or messed up

“Does this picture frame look cadiwampus?”

Cadycorner: not quite next to, kind of diagonal to something.

“They live cadycorner to me”

Way out yonder: Someplace far off, usually at least 20-45 minutes outside of town

“Wow, you live way out yonder”

Dagnabit: A more polite version of God Dammit. (Also see Dagumit)

“Dagnabit! I burnt the cookies”

Goober: an unpleasant or annoying person or another word for a penis. sometimes used playfully for a child

“What a goober!”

Fixin’ to: Going to or getting ready to do something or go somewhere.

“I’m fixin’ to fry up some eggs, do you want some?”

Ugly as homemade sin: used to describe something particularly ugly, like your great aunt’s couch or your sister’s wedding dress

“That paint in her parlor is ugly as homemade sin”

Jerk a knot in your tail: Scold someone, something your mama threatens to do to you if you don’t stop acting a fool

“I’m fixin’ to jerk a knot in your tail if you don’t straighten up”

As all get out: Completely or ridiculously

“He’s rich as all get out”

Can you carry me to___?: Can you take me to this location?

“Can you carry me to the hair salon?”

Gussied up: Dressed up, looking your best.

“What are you all gussied up for?”

Just fell off the turnip truck: Stupid or gullible.

“Does he think I just fell off the turnip truck or something?”

A month of sundays: A long time; how long it’s been since you called your aunt.

“I haven’t seen you in a month of sundays”

Mosey: To go or get along.

“I’ll just mosey on over to the bar while i wait for you.”

What on God’s Green Earth?: What in the world?

“What on God’s Green Earth are you talking about?”

Fifty-leven: The under of times your mama told you something

“I done told you fifty-leven times you needed to get your oil changed”

You can’t ride two horses with one ass: You can’t do two things at once.

“I know you wanted to run track and play football, but you can’t ride two horses with only one ass”

Up one side and down the other: Completely like something, very similar.

“She’s her mama up one side and down the other”

All-yins: Similar to Ya’ll or all ya’ll.

“Get out of my house and go play somewhere, all-yins!”

Like you own cotton in Augusta: being lazy or unproductive.

“Don’t just sit around like you own cotton in Augusta, get a job!”

The Sun don’t shine on the same dog’s tail all the time: You won’t always have good luck.

“You’re smiling now, but remember; the sun don’t shine on the same dog’s tail all the time”

Shake the dew off your lily: Hurry up, a polite version of “shake the piss off your dick”

“Shake the dew off your lily and get out here to see your grandma!”

Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs: Very anxious or skittish.

“Waiting for my test score, I’m nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs”

Sweating like a whore in church: Sweating a lot, either from the heat or from nerves.

“It’s so hot, I swear I’m sweating like a whore in church!”

Don’t act ugly: Don’t be unpleasant.

“I don’t care if she’s sleeping with a married man, don’t act ugly”

Bless her cotton socks: A version of Bless her heart, usually used in pity/ amusment.

“Her brothers took her on a snipe hunt, bless her cotton socks”

That dog won’t hunt: That thing won’t do what you want it to, and you can’t make it.”

“I tried to get my TV working, but that dog won’t hunt”

Eat the south end of a north bound goat: Something gross or disgusting but you’re too hungry too care.

“My son used to be so picky, but now he’d eat the south end of a north bound goat.”

Seven ways to Sunday: Completely, all around.

“I know I’m supposed to go to the PTA meeting, but that yoga class wore me out seven ways to Sunday.”

Slap you to sleep, then slap you for sleepin’: Unreasonable, extremely annoyed or angry.

“You can’t please my manager, she’ll slap you to sleep and then slap you for sleepin’“

Kick your butt to Christmas and dare you to walk back: Beat you up and dare you to mess up again.

“If you throw that football in my house again I’ll kick your butt to Christmas and dare you to walk back!”

Useless as a screen door in a submarine: Something worse then useless.

“Johnny want to go hunting with his daddy, but as loud as he is he’d be as useless as a screen door in a submarine”

Anybody’s dog that’ll hunt her: A promiscuous person, or a person with low standards

“She can says she’s picky, but she’s anybody’s dog that’ll hunt her”

Faster than a knife fight in a phone booth: Moving fast or quickly.

“He’s on a diet, but when the pie was served he was on it faster than a knife fight in a phone booth” (Also see “a one legged man at a butt kicking contest”)

Shit’n’get: Got fast, do something with haste.

“You took twenty minutes to do your hair, so we’ve gotta shit’n’git if we’re going to get there on time”

Messed in your Easter bonnet: Done something embarrassing in public”

“I told you not to talk to his new wife at the church barbecue, but now you done messed in your Easter bonnet”

Couldn’t pay respect: Being broke, out of money.

“I know I just got paid, but now I’m so broke I couldn’t pay respects”

Depress the devil: something an extremely negative person could do.

“I hope Karen won’t be there, bless her heart but she’s so negative she could depress the Devil”

Hunt Geese with a rake: something really tall people are said to do.

“That girl on Kate’s basketball team is so tall, she could hunt geese with a rake”

____ The fool out of___: To do something really effectively.

“Shit! I just cut the fool out of my finger!”

The Hell you say!: A saying of disbelief.

“Jessica found her boyfriend doing what?! The Hell you say!”

More than a hat rack/ More than a coat rack: Use your head or your brain, or put some elbow grease into something.

“It’s a push door bot a pull, try using your head for more than a hat rack”

“It’s not that heavy, use your body for more than a coat rack!”

You know not: You don’t know the half of it, usually used during gossip sessions.

“I heard Mary is sending her daughter to charm school” “Oh you know not”

Snockerpussed: Drunk

“Slow down! The last thing you need is to get snockerpussed”

Rub some whiskey on it from the inside: Drink and you’ll feel better

“You’ve got a back ache? Try rubbing some whiskey on it from the inside.”

Beats all I ever did see: Seeing something strange or ridiculous.

“Did you see what happened to Mary Jo’s roof? Beats all I ever did see”

Shootfire!: An expression of frustration

“Shootfire! My car’s got a flat tire!”

Hitch in your giddy up: Walking strange for one reason or another.

“I spent all day in the garden yesterday, and now I’ve got a hitch in my giddyup.

Tore up from the floor up: an absolute mess.

“Did you see her after the block party last night? The girl was tore up from the floor up.”

Too busy to cuss the cat: too busy to be bothered by something small.

“Bake sale? Girl, with football season and graduation coming up, I’m too busy to cuss the cat!”

Like a chicken with it’s head cut off: Running around frantically or hysterically.

“She found out there’s a project due tomorrow and now she’s running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off”

You can’t swallow a quarter and crap a dollar: You can’t take poor quality and make it better.

“I know you said you can change him, but you can’t swallow a quarter and crap a dollar Darlin’”

That’s their tale, I sit on mine: Just because they’re gossiping, doesn’t mean I will.

“Is that what she said? Well, that’s her tale, I sit on mine thank you very much”

Too big for your britches: Acting more important that you are.

“Since you got that promotion, you’ve been acting too big for your britches”

Scare the beard off Jesus: Something particularly startling or disturbing.

“Did you see what color her daughter died her hair? Why it would scare the beard off Jesus!”

Act like you got some raisin’: Act like you had good parents. Don’t act wild.

“What are you doing with your shoes on my couch?! Act like you got some raisin!”

Useless as tits on a bull: Not only is it useless, it doesn’t make an sense.

“I love these new jeans, but these tiny little pockets are as useless as tits on a bull”

Been done gone: have been gone for a while now.

“John? He moved out of town a year ago, he been done gone.”

Within a gnat’s ass: way too close. usually used in dangerous situations.

“I came withing a gnat’s ass of cussin’ her out.”

Does a cat have climbing gear?: A obvious question with an obvious answer (Also see “Is a frog’s ass watertight” and “Does a one legged duck swim in a circle”_

“Do I want to go to the football game? Does a cat have climbing gear?”

A Job that don’t pay: a waste of time.

“Girl don’t even think about it, that man’s just another job that don’t pay”

Could kill knee high cotton: Something that smells really bad.

“She’s a pretty girl, but her breath could kill knee high cotton!”

Only got one oar in the water: Not all there, a little crazy.

“She’s only got one oar in the water, bless her heart”

Plumb: Extremely, completely and totally.

“You don’t need to be out there acting plumb crazy”

Like a cat’s been sucking on it: stringy, thin, unhealthy or ugly looking.

“Ew, my hair looks like a cat’s been sucking on it”

Tuck your tongue behind your teeth, you’re crazy’s showin’: Stop talking, you’e starting to sound insane.

“Tuck your tongue behind your teeth, your crazy’s showin’. I think you’ve had enough to drink”

My stars in heaven: Oh my God

“Oh my stars in heaven, have you seem these china patterns?”

Like a bag of cat’s fighting: what you look like in unflattering clothes.

“Darlin’ I love you, but your butt looks like a bag of cat fighting to get out in those jeans”

Backsass: Back talk, something that will get you whooped.

“Don’t you back sass me, I’ll whoop your ass”

Even Jesus can’t save you: you’re in big trouble, not even the the Lord can save you. 

“Your mama found out what you did last night, not even Jesus can save you now”

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