#MY DREAM UNI I CANNOT EVEN IM SO SO HAPPY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

minahoeshi · 3 years

Text

you were loved the most of all.

Ushijima Wakatoshi x reader | break-up angst

summary: You should've known that when Ushijima Wakatoshi found it easy to fall in love with you, it might be even easier for him to fall out of it. But who expects the worst when it comes to loving someone as seemingly perfect as him, anyway?

Chapter 1 of 2

Chapter 2 of 2

He said it was easy to fall in love with you. He said he didn’t know when exactly, at which place, nor for what reason. Simply one day, Ushijima Wakatoshi found himself looking at you with the epiphany that maybe there’s something more meant to happen between you and him. There you stood before him that day, the person he could promise love to. (And there he stood before you that moment, the boy whose promises you found yourself believing in no matter what.)

So maybe that’s why it was even easier for him to fall out of love. When he told you he was no longer in love with you, it didn’t matter to you to ask when exactly, at which place, or for what reason. Even the universe itself is meant to fizzle out one day along with the death of the stars. Just one more person drifting away from you like a lone planet with no real orbit shouldn’t leave you broken. You are used to this. You won’t fall apart.

But you break anyway.

It was snowing outside when he decided to tell you to end things now before it hurts both of you even further. Not that the snow has anything to do with the coldness creeping up your chest threatening to spill out of you in endless sobs. You were glad, though. That at the very least, he remained honest with his feelings. He never left you guessing. Every time, he never forgets to tell you what’s on his mind. His honesty is something he thought was necessary.

“I understand, don’t worry. Thank you for telling me right away. I know you’re also considering me–” you tell him and choke up. There are tears running down your face but you’re not worried about that. Wakatoshi never let you mask your emotions around him. For the longest time, he reminded you to feel free to be completely bare with him. All the good and the bad, he said. Don’t be afraid to show them to me. I will always understand.

He steps closer and puts you between his arms. You feel his chin on top of your head as you lean your face into his chest. You’re sobbing now. “I’ll be fine, Toshi. We’ll be fine.”

He kisses the top of your head and lets you stay in his arms for minutes. “I loved you then, and I love you still. It’s just that they’re no longer the same kind. I will stay if you ask me to, okay? Anything you want.”

This only makes you cry harder. He’s always been too good. And even in breaking your heart, he’s too good. You want him to hold on. You want to ask him to stay with you for years and years. Even with a different kind of love, you’ll let him be as long he’s close by. But someone like him who has dreams beyond yourself shouldn’t ever be with someone like you who still lacks certainty toward anything.

“Just for tonight,” you ask, still crying. “Can I stay?”

“of course,” he replies. Anytime you want. Anything you want. It has always been this way.

Because humans are creatures of routines and familiarity, you spend that night the way you usually do when you’re at his place. You cook dinner with him and eat on the dining table, sharing stories and laughter. You keep adding food to his plate and he smiles as you giggle at everything you find funny.

It’s okay, it’s okay. You’ll be okay. You’ll be fine.

You clean the kitchen and stay in the living room. He leans on the couch as you lay down with your head on his lap. You keep talking and laughing. He goes along, sometimes adding things to make you laugh even more, sometimes simply agreeing, sometimes asking questions. You keep it loud and light, afraid of the silence. Inside you, it’s so heavy, your heart might just fall off. This will be the last, you tell yourself. You want to be happy for now. While he’s still here.

"Do me a favor, okay?" You tell him as you're nearing slumber. "Let me leave first tomorrow. Maybe stay in bed, maybe pretend you're asleep. But tomorrow, don't get out of the room until I've left the house." Your voice shakes, feeling yourself wanting to sob.

"I don't want to wake up to another empty bed but I don't want to see your face when I wake up too," you curl into him even further. "I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry I still don't really know what to do. And I know you wake up pretty early and you know, do stuff, but just for tomorrow, please?"

Wakatoshi didn't really understand why. He originally planned on cooking breakfast for you and taking you to the train station. He would watch you board the train and he'd make sure to smile at you as he waves. You always waved back. That's how it works. Even after fights, and even after especially bad nights, you'd still do the same. Watching you leave with a smile was how you both knew you'd still be fine the days after. That nothing much can affect your relationship. For years, this has been the routine.

But tomorrow, he knows he has to give way. He knows what he said hurt you. It would be wrong of him to do what he wants simply because he's used to.

Tomorrow's the last, he realises. And then if you want, he'd never see you again.

You wake up pretty early. The sky is a calm shade of blue, the world outside still waking up. You check the time on your phone and find it's 6 AM. Last night, you slept with your back on him. The sight before you is the other end of his bedroom and you notice just how much of yourself you've managed to leave around his place. Pieces of just one other person in his life, scattered in places around his world pretending that’s just where they belong. You didn't mind leaving things behind back then. You never really thought of the day that you might’ve to take back all of them. Just how does one pick up parts of themselves when they thought they’ve finally found a place for them to stay?

But as you stand up, you conclude that when things end, traces shouldn’t be left behind. He didn’t decide to break up only to be reminded of you even after you’re no longer close to him. So you go and pick every little thing that's yours. Even your jacket and sweaters and a few pairs pyjamas in his closet. You'll just take his things from your place too and hand it to Tendou's shop. Coming back here won’t do you any good. Him coming to your place instead wouldn’t either.

Collecting all your things, even the ones you can't use anymore, you leave the bedroom and enter the living room. You don't have many belongings here aside from some DVDs and books. You only take the books and leave the rest for him. You've always preferred reading anyway.

Setting your bag and things aside on the sofa, you go ahead and wash yourself in the bathroom and bring your toothbrush and some other products with you when you're done. You then head to the kitchen to cook him something light to eat for breakfast . You knew you didn't have to. He knows how to cook. It has always been him cooking breakfast for you. When you could, you’d rather stay in bed until the very moment you must start preparing to go to uni or work. But you did anyway. He's probably in his bed, awake. He has never been a heavy sleeper. With all the moving you did around his room, he was bound to wake up if he wasn't already.

You make him a simple omelette and write a small message on top of it with ketchup. "Good luck with practice today!"

You've already cleaned everything you used, preferring to wash and set utensils as soon as you're done with them. That way, when you're sitting down to eat, there won't be any cluster around to distract you.

You put the ketchup down and decide that should be enough. You'll stop here. You should go now.

Ushijima is sitting on his bed. He's been awake since 5 AM when he usually goes on his run. It isn't the first time he chose to stay with you instead of going out, but he can't help but feel heavy this time. He stayed in for you. But as the minutes pass by, it seems that he simply cannot find the courage to sit up and face you.

He wants to sink into his bed.

There's knock on the door followed by sentences uttered softly. "Toshi, I'm going now. There's breakfast on the table. Make sure to eat before you go."

There goes the heavy feeling again. Maybe if this keeps up, he might just actually sink and never get back up.

You've done that a few times. Leaving while he's still in the room. You don't even open the door. You simply knock and tell him you're about to go, always reminding him to eat before he goes too.

But this will be the last, he thinks. If you leave now, will he never see you again?

a/n

chapter 2 will be up soon not rly sure when tho. (it's up now the link is at the top)

also, im not entirely sure but i think i didnt use any pronouns or gendered nouns for this except "girl" in the 1st paragraph which i erased just now? if i'm right, then i hope everyone reading this get to feel as though theyre rly the person in the story. unless ofc u dont want that bc this isnt the happiest ushitoshi x reader fic u can find🥲. but thanks for reading!!!! m so sorry for typos nd other errors as well. i kinda cant read my own writings bc sometimes doing so makes me wanna smack myself in the head and never write again nd i hate that so now im leaving my mistakes to the gods nd hope they love me enough or smth. but yes thank u sm again for reading!!!!

#ushijima x reader #ushijima scenarios #ushijima angst #ushijima fanfic #ushijima reader insert #ushijima x y/n #ushijima wakatoshi

176 notes · View notes

hella1975 · 3 years

Text

hey idiots and hellions etc, i’m BACK on my bullshit <3 yes that’s right, this bastard little hiatus - which lasted a tad longer than i expected - is finally the fuck OVER. ‘jesus god please no’ i hear you cry, but i’m not listening because i am rejuvenated and self-cared to the nines and I HAVE FINISHED COLLEGE. LIKE. COMPLETELY FINISHED. i’m still getting my head around it because finishing school during a pandemic is literally just ‘wait did it just end? was that it? oh. sound okay’ and that’s that. a few updates because for some reason a good portion of you are ACTUALLY interested? and have been sending asks to keep up to date with me? and i’m hopelessly in love with you? anyway:

- no more exams!! so many wished me luck and i literally cannot express enough how much that actually made me feel better. i thought it’d be a fickle little thing, but the amount of times i was on The Verge Of An Education Induced Breakdown, remembering how many people were actually rooting for me was so comforting. and hey, i don’t think the exams even went too terribly! (touch wood)

- i now have like four months with zero (0) responsibilities and i fully intend to go off the rails in this time. i think i deserve it. i have a lot of plans with my mates so still should be pretty busy, but i’ll no longer be balancing fic-life with exam-life AND social-life, so it should all be smooth sailing from here <3

- chapter 34 is.... Going. i didn’t actually write nearly as much as i thought i would during this break (usually my body experiences one (1) bout of stress and immediately goes ‘oh? does this mean ‘write thousands of words feverishly without a break as a coping mechanism?’’ and doesn’t wait for a response) but that’s led to what i have so far of this chapter being very thought out and i’m v happy with the quality. but like i said, i’ve prioritised exams and friends and my mental health lately, so i’m still expecting another week or so before the chapter is finished. you’ll be getting the usual bullshit writing updates here though now i’m off hiatus. thank you again for being so patient with me

some smaller things that have happened that i’d usually have bitched about on here the moment they took place:

- everyone is having ‘college is finished’ parties and it’s forced me to actually spend money on clothes??? which is a big treat for me bc i’m so stingy when it comes to spending money on clothes. if ur reading this and you’re holding out on treating yourself because you think you don’t deserve it then this is your sign <3333 anyway the point here is that i look hot

- i also dyed my hair red (even though it sort of went pink? Idk? vibes and that cruise like a four wheel drive and that-)

- I’m currently 4 days into a 6 day bender, pray for my liver ❤️ (which means ironically I’m breaking hiatus at a time I might potentially be busy but it’s fine im here in spirit and physically I am slamming jagerbombs at the local bars)

- i emailed a parlour about getting a tattoo! i’m finally getting organised!

- I applied for my uni accommodation and that was the day, young children, that one hella1975 realised uni is actually very fucking close and not some faraway dream

- i am now self-banned from a bar in my town (self-banned = no one is actually stopping me from going back there except myself. it’s in everyone’s best interest...)

- i’ve started the Big Scary re-write of tales of the mirrored world!!!!!! i am so powerful omg

- anddddddddddddddd i hereby swear that if i have to look at an economic diagram ever again i will go fully sexily completely berserk <3 that’s right mr john maynard keynes and mr william phillips i am wishing violence upon your bloodline <3

i’m back fuckers and i’m in a really happy place atm and I MISSED YOU ALL !! LIKE A LOT ACTUALLY I WAS NOT EXPECTING TO MISS YOU GUYS TO THE EXTENT THAT I DID !! PLEASE SHUT UP ABOUT IT !!

#'i hereby swear that if i have to look at an economic diagram ever again-' ma'am you're doing an economics and english degree #who's gonna tell her....#anyway yes that's right babies and bitches i'm back on my bullshit #tysm for everyone who sent me asks and shit during the time i've been gone #i saw them all and i really appreciated it #ANYWAY LETS FUCKING GO I AM NOW IN MY HOT GIRL SUMMER AND BY THE WAY IT'S ALREADY GOING #I CAN TELL IT'S GONNA BE ONE FOR THE BOOKS FOLKS #in terms of both me ruining my last few months in this disgusting hometown and also in terms of going feral with fic #wait i like that #'feral with fic ft hella1975 🤪🤪'#okay i'll shut up now #ly all and all that bollocks etc etc you know it by now anyway #<333333 #OH also everytime I was tagged in something or referred to in tags etc on a post during this hiatus #I added it to my saved drafts #and that's on top of all the asks i've slowly been getting through and storing in my drafts for when i come back #so what i'm getting at is i'm gonna do a massive spam and i'm not even sorry #but also... jinkies #like there's a lot going on in those drafts of mine #it's a chaotic place #there's 73 drafts....#im SORRY okay just pray for your dash and don't hate me #(im obvs not gonna bulk post all of them okay i do have some sense of sympathy)

101 notes · View notes

koo-zy · 3 years

Note

hello! do you have any fantasy/historical jungkook x reader fic recs ?

hello lovely!! i’m so sorry i missed this yesterday :( i was actually planning on reorganizing my tumblr because i feel like no fics are ever going to be able to be found my blog LOL so hopefully that’ll be done soon!!

as for the fantasy/historical fics.. i’m honestly not too sure what “fantasy” (do demons count..? soulmates..? werewolves????) typically includes so i’m just going to include a bunch of fics that hopefully fit in :”) here are the first ones that i thought of + summaries included in their main posts!

also.. i’m sure i missed a lot of amazing fics (mainly because i’m dumb as hell and don’t really know what can be included in “fantasy”) and would like to apologize in advance!!

@inktae ’s entire masterlist (they have a lot of fantasy fics!)

while this isn’t just jungkook recs, @ficswithluv had a fantasy category a few weeks ago!

@kpopfanfictrash ‘s jungkook masterlist

@fortunexkookie ‘s jungkook masterlist

one shots!

énouement - @littlemisskookie Mulan!AU

War is Hell, but it’s what you had to do to take your brother’s place. Of course, between the days of Hell are little slices of Heaven you’d call your Captain, Jeon Jungkook.

midas - @gukyi

jeon jungkook was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and the power to turn whatever he wants into pure gold. you were born with healing and invisibility powers but without a cent to your name. so when you’re plucked off of the streets for pickpocketing and assigned to be his minder as punishment, you realize you’re going to have to overcome a lot more than class differences if either of you are going to get what you want.

i will not lose! - @jimlingss Magic!AU

A single bet - use every means to make Jeon Jungkook fall in love with you.

a piece of the moonlight - @/jimlingss Mulan!AU

For your loved ones, the people who are waiting at home, the people who have died - you will fight. And sometimes to fight means to sacrifice: who you really are and the person you really love.

dynasty - @/jimlingss Historical!AU

It’s no secret that the Emperor is infertile. But even so, a girl is selected every three months and brought to become his concubine in hopes of conceiving the next heir. This time, it’s you. And in order to prevent execution, Jeon Jungkook might just aid you in conception.

game of temptation ft. knj, myg, kth - @/jimlingss Succubus!AU

As a succubus, your beauty is unrivaled and shaped to tempt mortals. But it’s still hard to resist Taehyung, and there’s little you can do once you’ve been coerced to do his bidding for him. This time, you find yourself entering the affluent Kim Household as a housemaid. And these poor humans don’t know your intentions are far from being angelic.

knot today - @kinktae

(IDK IF WEREWOLVES COUNT BUT JERHFBDSKNZX THIS IS REALLY GOOD!!)

When your first heat approaches and you are left partnerless, who better to turn to than your alpha roommate that you’ve spent the better half of your life hiding your feelings for?

ego - @luxekook Harry Potter!AU

(..i also don’t know if HP counts LOL)

in which jeongguk is a cocky lil shit and the reader has to take him down a few pegs

stumbling - @hayjeon Prince!AU

an ask in their inbox regarding the prompt: hii! so the royal wedding of prince harry and meghan is today, and since my bias is JK and since i’m such a sucker for royal stuff, can i reuest a fic of bts all being royal of 7 different kingdom, and all of them being invited to jin’s wedding and the girl (oc) is also invited and kookie met her there, and eventually took an interest at her? the girl is also royalty from other kingdom. thanks!

werewolf!jungkook - @/hayjeon

an ask in their inbox regarding the prompt: Werewolf!jk? (im sorry ik it’s overused and unoriginal) where he and his mate have pups to take care of and they’re quite a mischievous bunch!

there for you - @cupofteaguk Hogwarts!AU

Jungkook is always known for doing things unapologetically, and it makes sense given how almost nothing gets under his skin—almost nothing, but maybe there’s an exception that takes a form of a muggleborn with the shy smile and quirky spells.

say you won’t let go - @/cupofteaguk Soulmates!AU

You’ve been eighteen years old for ten years when Jungkook first moves in

new romantics - @/cupofteaguk Hogwarts!AU

Jeon Jungkook will go down in history as one of the best Quidditch players that ever graced the Hogwarts scene. It seems like he always gets what he wants—his life is very predictable in that sense. What he cannot predict, however, is the newest weekend employee wiping down the tables at the Three Broomsticks.

a cinderella story - @suhdays Modern Cinderella!AU

you are forced to work multiple jobs as you live under your stepmothers roof. unable to move out and strive for complete independence, you do what you can in order save enough. turns out, as a college student that is harder than you thought. so, you distract yourself by joining online chat groups in which you meet a boy that goes to your school. that boy? none other than the rugby star himself, jeon jeongguk. it doesn’t prove to be an issue until he asks to meet you at an upcoming halloween party. he’s never noticed you before so why not hide yourself in order to live your dreams, if only for a moment?

explorer - @1kook Alien!AU

Jungkook does not want to impress the frankly tyrannical ways of his planet on you. He just wants to stay here and keep your couch warm for you, hold your hair back when you wash your face in the morning.

rottenfolk - @junqkook Faerie!AU

a look was as hazardous as chemicals, a kiss as perilous as poison; his eyes and lips felt akin to a cure, but he was purely venom.

the young wolf - @/junqkook Game of Thrones!AU

he was promised to another, meant for another to hold and to love and to kiss. but when his hand lingered on yours for a moment too long to be proper, and when his eyes held yours for a beat too long to be a passing glance, you allowed desire to creep into your veins, to take root inside your heart. perhaps before you might have been permitted to love him freely. perhaps he might have even been promised to you instead. but war was no place for the wants and desires of two people, no matter how much they yearned for it to be.

the lighthouse - @rubycoast S2L!AU

(im not too sure if this is considered fantasy but its one of my favs!)

you and jungkook had one thing in common: you were both lost souls stagnant in the search of some fulfillment. the one of many differences was that your story had been written on your sleeves, while jungkook’s was a story needed to be unriddled.

black magic - @hansolmates Magic Uni!AU

a witch with an ambition for learning, you stumble across a crushing spell in the middle of the forbidden section. of course you have to try it out! what happens when the crushing spell not only has jeon jungkook crushing on you, but you crushing on him?

the sea & the storm - @jamaisjoons Fantasy!AU

the sea is a powerful mistress. she is calm and beautiful. she is mysterious and alluring. she is a force to be reckoned with. above all, however, she is lonely. until she meets him. fantasy au.

the lionheart’s oath - @sugaxjpg Knight & Princess!AU

There was no happy ending, no dragon slayer to save the kingdom and get the princess — there was only him: Jungkook. A simple orphan that was lucky enough to be invited into the castle, a former homeless thief that had found shelter in the form of an elysian heir. Now, after twelve years by your side, he was about to lose you to the world you sought to explore.

ghosts just wanna have fun - @/sugaxjpg Psychic & MedSchool!AU

When Jungkook discovered that he could communicate with dead people, the last thing he expected was that they would be there to give him romantic advice.

wartime child - @ktheist Wizard!AU

raising a baby in wartime isn’t easy. but when your baby starts showing signs of magical abilities, you’re forced to ring up the only other person you know he takes after: jeon jungkook.

birth of an empress - @/ktheist Dragon Slayer!AU

partners for three years and friends for longer, jungkook thought you’d remain so until he saw you with the knight at the merchant’s trade.

alternatively, the friendly neighborhood wizard trying to propose to the infamous dragon slayer in the middle of slaying a dragon? now, that’s classic.

series/two shots!

fear in your eyes - @/gukyi Werewolf!AU

(again, idk if werewolves count but hifksdjcx !!!!)

there’s a werewolf in that forest behind your house, they told you, and he’ll eat you before you can even beg for mercy.

the worshiper series - @/jimlingss

Long ago, there were gods who resided in Heaven -- existing to watch over and protect the universe. Each of them had their own flaws, trials and tribulations; some which were more sparing than others, but these are their stories...

a promise of freedom - @/jimlingss Wartime!AU

War is cruel and its inhumanity has not spared you. Captured by the enemy, you were brought to the front lines to heal their wounded. But after one night of saving a particular man’s life, he swears to fulfill any wish of yours.

one year, my love - @/hayjeon Historical!AU

You forge a marriage contract with the strangely speaking man who suddenly stumbled into your town with memory loss, but little do you know that he’s actually the lost Crown Prince, and a lot can happen between a married man and woman in one year.

demigod!au drabbles - @/hayjeon

an ask in their inbox regarding the prompt: i have a supernatural au prompt! how bout daughter of hades/loner!reader and son of zeus/bully! jungkook?

into the woods - @/junqkook Goblin!AU

getting hurt and stumbling upon a goblin in the forest leaves you completely at his mercy, though you aren’t sure if that’s necessarily a bad thing.

lionheart - @/junqkook Magic!AU

as a sorcerer, it is of the utmost importance that you keep your magic a secret from everyone. when you become prince jungkook’s servant, it becomes increasingly difficult to keep your identity hidden; especially when you fall in love with him.

a royal exchange - @/hansolmates

she’s the man!au where the princess impersonates her brother yoongi in order to finish his degree on time while yoongi is thrusted into princely duties. jeongguk is in the mess purely through room arrangement

knight!jungkook x princess!reader - @/ktheist

a series with 27 parts!

that’s all i can think of off the top of my head right now :(( not gonna lie, half of these probably don’t even fit into either of those categories and i know there are so so so many amazing fantasy/historical fics out there!! i wish i knew them all but i hope this helped a little bit! if anyone has any fic they’d like to rec, feel free to send it to meee :)

and finallyyyyy i leave my following page open for viewing as well so you can check out all of the authors i follow!! please show all of these authors (and many more) some love! <3

172 notes · View notes

typicalmidnightsoul · 4 years

Text

Prythian Valley - Chapter 1

Secrets

New person of interest: Helion Daye.

Here’s a question how far would you go to hide a secret, to protect it? How far would Helion go to hide a secret? What if the secret wasn’t a thing but a person and what if he wasn’t protecting something horrific but a…relationship? As Nesta and Audrey are coming out late from cheerleading practice hoping to just relax in Nesta’s hot tub will a chance situation rock her to her core and question her loyalties? Cassian always knew Nesta carried burdens but he was angry at God for giving her burdens to carry which weren’t hers, burdens which made her cry in the dark in school when he was coming back from football practice.

One last question....How young can a criminal be?

Prologue here

A/N : IM BACK GUYS. I WAS IN LONDON FOR EID BUT NOW I’M BACK GET READY FOR AN ONSLAUGHT OF FIC UPDATES. HAPPY BELATED EID I LOVE YOU ALL.

Helion Daye, 9 years older than Nesta and like an older brother to her from the age of 3. They were nerds for life and he was a much respected former student of Velaris High. When Nesta moved from LA to Prythian Valley with her mother it was Helion who got special permission from the principal and showed her around his old school. Helion was now a part time university lecturer, owner of Daye Publishing and part time party boy.

But he had a secret, one that went back to his younger days when he was a sophomore. No one could know, because if they did then it would mean nothing to him, but to the other keeper of the secret…

She would be destroyed.

Her name was Mrs Clarissa Vanserra; she was an English and Art teacher in Velaris High when Helion was in school. She had started teaching when she was so young, only 22, and when Helion stepped in her English class he almost dropped to his knees.

She was so beautiful, but what struck him the most was… she was helping a boy with tissues, a boy who his friends had been bullying outside. She turned to him and he almost crossed the distance and kissed her. He found out she already had children; her eldest was a 3 year old, the same age as his little Nessie. And as one thing led to another they had an illegitimate relationship, an affair.

She was ashamed of it, because she was married and as Helion later found out it was an abusive marriage. He tried to tell her to leave him but she wouldn’t hear of it, she had children with this man.

The affair never truly ended… he had to leave for Uni as his mother in LA had got him into one of the best ones in the country.

But Clarissa was carrying Helion’s child. She knew it was his. And she told him she… she told him she aborted it because it would only stop him from achieving his dreams. After he left Clarissa thought that was the end of her and Helion’s story but she was wrong.

Nesta came out of double geography stretching her limbs Luna next to her, Feyre and Amren were exchanging homework apparently.

Nesta was about to walk up to them when she saw…

“Helion!!” She ran to him and he picked her up spinning her around, he laughed as he set her down,

“Hey Nessie,” he chuckled,

“Hellcat what are you doing here?!” She asked,

“Well I wanted to see my old school, and try outs for the football team and its new captain is being picked, I’m also now an advisor for the school newspaper so you’ll be seeing a lot of me.”

Feyre and Luna gave him a hug and he said, “Where’s Mrs Vanserra’s new class, it’s not the old one. I needed to talk to her about the placement of the newspaper office.”

Nesta was confused but Eris came up behind her saying, “My mom’s old class is now a biology lab, her new one is in the second floor.”

To most people Helion was glad to see Eris but Nesta could see the tightness in his eyes when Eris came up to them. He nodded and headed upstairs.

Nesta gave Feyre a hug and told her to tell mom she’d be home late with Audrey.

Feyre nodded and headed off to her last class.

--------------------------

Audrey and Nesta were packing up their stuff. They had spent more time after practice to choreograph a new routine for the upcoming matches. They headed upstairs to return the locker keys to the janitors office. He had let them stay earlier do long as they lock up and leave the keys in his office. As they were returning they went past the new newspaper office,

“Damn!” Audrey whispered, “Helion’s done a good job.”

Nesta nodded and they went to the back entrance that led to the parking lot. As they went past Mrs Vanserra’s office Nesta froze stopping Audrey.

Before Audrey could gasp, Nesta put a hand over her mouth.

Because there… there was Helion and Clarissa Vanserra standing a breath apart, Helion tracing the skin on her hands whispering something to her.

Nesta made up different circumstances, maybe he was blowing something out of her eye, or she could be hurt, or maybe she had a panic attack and Helion was comforting her.

But as Helion picked up her hand and intertwined their fingers pressing a kiss to the spot below her ears Nesta could no longer kid herself. They had an affair.

Audrey pulled her out and to their car.

As Nesta started it Audrey said, her voice hard, “tomorrow 6am at the office, are we going?”

“You bet your ass we are.”

--------------------

Helion was setting up the new office, when Nesta and Audrey stepped in. Audrey shutting the door and leaning on it to add another layer of soundproof and defence.

“Hey girls, it’s a bit too early but I guess if you missed me-“

“How long?”

He raised a brow, “Pardon?”

“How fucking long Helion have you been sleeping with Clarissa Vanserra?” Nesta ground out.

His face drained of any colour and he swallowed, “How-how-“

“We saw you after school yesterday.”

He let out a strangled breath and dragged a hand through his hair, then turned to Nesta taking her hands in his and sitting her down on a chair,

“Nes, listen it’s not-“ she snatched her hands away, he took them again a pleading look taking over his eyes,

“You want the truth, I’ll tell you all of it,” he took a deep breath, “ I was a sophomore, Feyre’s age and she was a new teacher, we fell in love Nesta, she had a notebook and she wrote stories in them and I fell hopelessly in love with her words with her, it’s like what you and Cassian have”-she growled-“forget I said that, anyway, she loved me back but she had children, and she was married, an abusive marriage albeit but she wouldn’t leave her children. And then I left for uni but every time I visited the valley I’d meet her and we’d…”

He shook his head, “Nesta please don’t tell anyone. No, please don’t”

“Why?!”She was crying now, “Why not?! You have an affair with a married woman with the mother of my best friend, why can’t I?”

“Because I was there!” He shouted,

Nesta looked at Audrey and back at him, “Where?”

“When Amarantha died, the day she died, the night she died, I was there, we heard someone laughing and talking and… i was there with Clarissa.”

Nesta exchanged a look with Audrey who was suddenly furious,

“No! Nesta had to protect Feyre and now you!”

Helion looked startled, “Why? What happened with-“

“Not now,” Nesta said, “We will keep your secret Helion. But you know we have to tell Luna, she won’t tell anyone either. But why can’t we at least tell Eris or-or”

Helion stood up gathering Nesta’s hands in his, tears slipping down his face,

“We had underage sex Nesta, and I got her pregnant. She had an abortion later but… the cracks are still in our relationship from it. Do you understand the gravity of this situation? I, a 15 year old got a 22 year old teacher pregnant. She could lose her job, I could go to jail, and she could too. Please.”

Nesta stumbled back as Audrey slid down the door hands in her hair.

“A child?” she whispered and Helion nodded.

Nesta nodded, “You have our word Helion, we’ll keep your secret.”

Audrey opened the door as Helion thanked them,

They left telling Luna to meet them at Pop’s.

-------------

Luna slurped her milkshake in shock.

“I cannot believe it. And we are not allowed to tell Eris?”

Nesta shook her head.

Audrey leaned back into the booth and groaned.

“What if Eris hates us?”

Audrey and Nesta hadn’t ordered anything. They’d just came in and started rambling. Pop Tate came over,

“What can I get you girls?”

“Turkey club burger, chilli fries and my large regular milkshake for me Pop,” Nesta answered.

“Chicken club, curly fries and my regular milkshake,” Audrey said as Pop smiled at them and hurried off.

“Stress eating?” Luna asked.

Nesta waved her off.

The TV blared quietly in the background as Nesta turned her head.

“A washed up truck was found late yesterday night-“

“Pop can you turn it up please?” Nesta asked as Pop did so.

“By the sheriff’s office. If this red truck belongs to anyone then it can be claimed from the sheriff’s office. Now moving onto todays main headlines…”

Nesta’s face was etched with horror, as was Luna’s and Audrey’s. Nesta put on a fake smile and turned to Pop,

“Hey Pop, could you pack ours up and also pack in Feyre, Elain and Jonah’s regulars and Mom’s double chocolate milkshake please?”

Pop nodded and gestured to Demi who was preparing the orders.

Nesta let out the staggering breathe as Audrey dialled up one of their friends.

“Leo? We need you to take Jonah to Chicago tomorrow.”

Audrey looked at Nesta. Nesta nodded.

“They found the truck.”

-----------

Nesta rushed in as Elain seemed to be making coffee. Feyre and Jonah were at the table. Jonah was Nesta’s half-brother, the loving result of her mother’s affair. Jonah wasn’t that fond of Feyre or even Elain for that matter but he loved Nesta, a love that went really deep. He was in middle school and his best friend was Cassian’s sister, the youngest Narenz: Nyx Narenz.

She slammed down their takeaway and said, “Go eat in your rooms. Don’t come out and Mom will never know you had takeaway for breakfast.”

They all exchanged looks. Then they all ran to their rooms, grabbing the paper packages.

Nesta strutted into her mother’s study.

But her mother was already staring at the TV screen. Hand over her mouth in horror. She walked up to her mother wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“Don’t worry Mom, we’ll sort it out.”

Her mother started shaking her head, “No, no I have already got you involved way too much. I will not allow you to-“

Nesta shook her slightly, “Hey mom, I’m doing it either way. Plus I’ve got everything planned out.”

“I can’t put this on you. I need to protect my baby boy, need to protect you.”

“You’re handling things on the inside. Let me handle this. Besides he’s my brother too you know.”

Before she could answer, the doorbell rang. Nesta took the remote and turned off the TV telling her mother to stay here.

She walked down the hallway to the main door and flung it open.

Her eyes narrowed,

“What do you want?” she snarled.

--------

Cassian swallowed and asked himself if there was a time of day where Nesta did not look fucking gorgeous.

Her hair was pulled into a long sleek ponytail, and she wore a tight long sleeved sheer meshed crop top with a red dragon print. It showed a black bra underneath and was paired with a black mini skirt and black gladiator heels.

He put on a cocky grin and said,

“Your sister said she needed a ride because Rhys’ car is in servicing.”

She snorted, leaving the door open, “Feyre! Your chauffeurs here!”

She turned back to him, “I’m picking up Nyx at 7:30 for the slumber party, all right with you?”

He nodded, “Who else will be there? Nyx hates all of us and hasn’t really told either of us three who’s coming?”

“Nyx doesn’t hate you, the three of you are just annoying, and I don’t disagree with her. And to answer your question, Roxy and Alec are coming.”

Cassian chuckled, “Ouch, no wonder you’re her favourite.”

She rolled her eyes and made her way back to the study. But Cassian knew Nesta and he could see her shoulders sagging from the burdens she carried. He could see a scared little girl behind those stormy eyes today and that terrified him. But before he could dwell on that matter Feyre bounded in and dragged him to his car.

-----------

Cassian bumped fists with his crew and went to take a long shower. As he came out he saw Nesta in her cheerleading outfit, rummaging around in her locker. He stalked over to her leaning against the adjacent locker.

“Well, well, if it isn’t Nesta Archeron. What’s the residential ice queen doing so late at school,” the next part wasn’t intended to be cruel but the jealousy Cassian harboured at the fact that Nesta wasn’t his leaked through him as he whispered, “Or shall we say who’s heart is she breaking?”

She slammed her locker shut and as she looked up at him he faltered. How did he not notice? Shit.

Her eyes were red, and her voice sounded slightly broken.

“Are you done Cassian?”

She swallowed and out a hand to her mouth running past him to the toilet.

All Nesta could see was…memories of the blood on her hand. Of the bleach as she used it. As she burned her mother’s old rug because of the red stains on it. She remembered the gore and as much as she tried to push it away it just kept coming back.

She puked her lunch into the toilet and then felt strong warm hands hold her hair back. Long soothing strokes were made on her back and she managed to say,

“Cassian you can’t be in the girl’s toilet.”

“I think I can handle detention for being in here for you puking.”

A few minutes later she was washing her face in the sink. She steadied herself as she gripped the sides. Cassian put a hand on her lower back and guided her outside.

“You need some fresh air.”

She sat on back step that led to the parking lot.

Cassian kneeled in front of her, her eyes were still red.

“Nesta please tell me, what happened?”

No answer, just silent sobbing.

“Nes please. Or I’ll tell Feyre and Elain and let them handle it. You need to tell someone or you’ll break down again.”

Nesta shook her head profusely, “No, no, please it’s just… I can’t handle these secrets, Helion having an affair with Eris’ mom for so fucking long, he-he had a baby with her, he-he had sex with her when he was 15. And got her pregnant. Even though the baby was aborted I and he was at the river when Amarantha- and then there’s Jonah-“ she broke down sobbing.

Cassian waited a few seconds letting it set in. Helion the school’s former golden boy had an… affair? With a married woman?

He pulled Nesta into his arms.

They stayed like that for a long time before Cassian asked,

“What about Jonah?”

She opened her mouth to answer before her phone buzzed.

“I need to go. Mom’s worried.” She picked up her stuff, and as she walked away from him he said,

“I’ll give you a ride-“

“No, it-its fine.” And as she walked away he could’ve sworn he heard,

“Thank you Cassian.”

Coming up Next:

Nesta crossed her arms at her mother,

“Jonah is going to Chicago with Leo and that’s final. Leo will take care of him, she would never allow anything bad to happen to him.”

Her mother opened her mouth but the study door burst open,

“You can’t take Jonah away from me!” Nyx pleaded at Nesta.

But Jonah held up a hand and stepped toward his older sister.

There was fear, Nesta realized in her 14 year old brother’s silver eyes as he looked up at her and asked,

“Is it because I killed Tomas Mandray?”

----------------

Tags:: @skychild29 @aesthetics-11 @perseusannabeth @awesomelena555

#nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #nessian fanfic #acotar #acomaf #acowar

15 notes · View notes

flakandforay · 4 years

Text

MMA and MAMA 2019 Theory

welcome back loves to another theory with me!!! so it really has been a while since I have done any theory, mainly because homegirl is stuck in uni and is dying in it with useless group mates but anyway, i finally got back to doing another ever since I watched the MMA and MAMA 2019 ones and wow, there is so much to unpack.

also, a huge congratulations to our 4-Daesang winners aka BTS who not only swept all of the Daesangs in MAMA but MMA in 2019. honestly, still shocking considering how we all know how the industry is like lmao. but anyway, let’s begin.

if you want to support my ko-fi, feel free to do so

⇝ theory masterlist

theory: if I were to compare their MMA and MAMA VCRs, I believe there’s more to analyse for the MAMA ones because of the length and also because MMA’s one, I believe the hints are more centred around the individual performances and set ups.

So starting off with MMA, looking at the VCR. I am putting it out there is literally I Need U all over again. The camera pans out to Namjoon, Seokjin, Jimin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Taehyung and lastly Jungkook. For some reason, this has me thinking of the HYYH the Notes pairings that I keep mentioning throughout the theories about them. (read here) These were similar to that of Wings, but I guess Namjoon and Seokjin’s pairing was the one of the BST JP and instead of Taehyung being that Omelas boy, though some may say it’s Jungkook (because of how he is the youngest and he is affected by all and in this theory, Taehyung is the trigger), maybe could explain why the camera pans out to Jungkook last.

do you not think that the setting reminds me of of HYYH? the whole light, couches thing etc

But moving on, if you see at 0:49, you see the shadows of the boys walking behind them at the back but somehow settling behind each respective member which I find extremely creepy and somehow reinforces that the next instalment is Shadow but at 1:05 it shows the lighter.

One could recall it being one of Yoongi’s key charcateristics as he smokes and across the HYYH the Reel, or in the I Need U MV, but at the same time, common with Jungkook’s Little Matchstick Girl story and of course not to forget, just like here In the VCR, how Namjoon worked at the gas station and somehow dropped the lollipop on a cash but it caught fire etc which somehow related to his death in one of the theories.

We had Namjoon’s strong Persona intro and you could see at the back, the words ‘shadow’, ‘ego’, ‘what am I to you’ etc, scribbled behind though repeatedly. The words ‘shadow’ and ‘ego’ should be signifying the next two releases for bangtan’s map of the soul trilogy series based on jung’s map of the soul book which focused heavily on persona, shadow and ego along with many other theorists who believed that the other two instalments of the series to be called ‘shadow’ and ‘ego’. Other identified scribbles include ‘Im Not What’ ‘Happen to Me’, ‘No More Dream’, ‘Who are you, Who Am I’, ‘Dream, Love, Happiness’ etc. But anyway, after the Persona stage, the intro of ‘What am I to you’ is played and I swear it was Dark and Wild all over again before it went on to ‘Boy in Luv’ and parallelly, they moved on to ‘Boy With Luv’ such a stark contrast but shows their diversity. Afterwards, a short VCR with the truth untold instrumentals playing in the background before somehow they decided to crush my heart and played mikrokosmos and hearing Namjoon’s words is making me feel things.

Anyway, moving on, after that stage ended, the VCR played again with how Jungkook woke up and this idea of trying to figure out who he is, as he watches various screens of himself across the years with eg Save Me, No More Dream , fake love playing, danger, the lines ‘I’m still looking for who I used to be, who I am now., before Namjoon hugs him (note the Wings pairing) before the rest comes together in this formation. Yoongi, Jimin, Namjoon, Jungkook, Jin, Hoseok and Taehyung; Taehyung was the last one.

similar to this

this reminds me of this open room in fake love as well for Seokjin.

Then somehow in the midst of this, they show how the boys ‘appearing’, Jungkook forming from the clouds, Namjoon from the leaves, Jimin from smoke, Hoseok from the ‘fake love coloured setup’, Taehyung from ‘the spray can’ (he even had the sound effect of the spray can, Yoongi from fire and Jin from what seems to be in a room full of mirrors..? it seems oddly familiar but I can’t pinpoint as to where this is from. And yet after all this, as they all gaze into the screens, somehow only Taehyung is the one looking unsettled, at most a really really small smile, not sure if it was on purpose or just coincidental,

Jungkook’s ment cntinues ‘who I will be in the future’. At 18L47, it focused on Jungkok’s eyes to expand and show the milky way galaxy. Then it moved on to the start of the Dionysus stage but somehow we are surprised to find 7 individual stages.

But moving on, apart form bangtan’s group stages, there is a need to pay close attention to the individual stages of each member. i bet bangtan’s main goal for these year end shows is to somehow showcase their humble beginnings with their underrated songs hence why they performed n.o., we are bulletproof pt.2 and boy in luv at both year end shows across, asides from promoting their later songs such as mikrokosmos, or boy with luv.

Notice the transitions among each individual stages. It’s literally their whole discography, more focus was on here rather than showing a vcr ,though the vcr they played was of the I need u feels and you cannot tell me otherwise once I placed the references here. One for their similar outfits and the I need u sofa cut scene in the MV with this MMA VCR. Not to mention it kind of reminds me of the HYH Epilogue VCR when they were taking a family portrait.

Anyway, the individual stages started off with Taehyung, with no more dream but the level of sophistication and performance was amazing but also quite heavy considering the no. of back dancers yet somehow they’re in this gladiator outfit/warrior outfits with the skirts. Also, the 4 people hanging from the hoops at the top, it casually reminded of te Olympics but that’s just my opinion and in no relation to this. Do take note of how altered the sound is to sound more like it’s fit for a battle scene, those loud hits of the drums etc and the resounding ‘la la la’ a sa battle cry or possibly an anthem. Note the scenes at the back to be mostly of the Greek/Roman kind of architecture.

Next, it transitioned to Seokjin whose song was Danger and interestingly, this kind of Greek/Roman concept continued on, as now they leveraged more on Seokjin’s looks for this stage with lesser dancing in comparison and made him stand on top of this makeshift Trojan horse. Take note of how the music for Danger instead of the hard hitting kind of song, it becomes a little bit more majestic, royal even but with power. Though Seokjin relatively dances way lesser, his stage presence and looks was enough to dominate the stage, like my god, just look at him??? Also, the back up dancers outfits seem to continue on with this. And when he really took the reins and let it whip to have this yellow horse run as though he whipped it, it ran across the screens (satisfying really), it changed to something more melodic.

Here, you hear the acoustic version of I Need U which was actually played before unlike the other 2 versions of the songs (and actually the rest of the members’ as well), it was played at one of the year end show sin 2015 in which Yoongi actually played the piano and Jungkook was dancing, they were promoting Run at that time. But oh how this is so befitting for Jimin and his contemporary movies, it’s really so graceful, ethereal and wow. But they made this I Need U version more melodramatic with the use of strings such as violins and cello, listen to that rendition and melodies as well as the triangle I think (I literally forgot the name of that instrument) but then it moved on to Fire with Yoongi.

Honestly, I don’t think anyone knew it was Fire until it started because of the really really hard hitting bass that really became outright rock and loud cries of ‘La, La, La’ and what sounded like ‘Jin’ although I am pretty sure it’s not but you get my point here. Honestly, thought the fire in the screens looked like a dead giveaway but with how hard the beat is hitting that became rock, it almost sounded like a mantra not to mention how loud and how great the drums sound here. Also note how Yoongi isn’t doing much, just minimal dance moves like a body roll.

I must say the transition from Yoongi to Jungkook is quite abrupt because of the sharp contrast in the transition between their stages; from rock to something more pop? It’s a bit hard to adjust to, also the version for Save Me is so so different but yet so nice, it’s much more synthesized here and the choreography is centred to how the beats are in the music. To think this was done by Jungkook as well.

At 25:54, we are seeing 7 lights to represent 7 stars, which apparently, this constellation represents Corona Borealis. It represents the crown the Princess wore on her wedding day when she married Dionysus. (see where we are going with this). You could see that throughout all of the stages, an additional light to represent a star was added after each performance and at the end with Namjoon, the Corona Borealis was completed.

Now, going back to Hoseok’s part with Fake Love but a much more EDM version to showcase his popping and then finally, we have this version of Dionysus, but look at that intro with the chorus singing and it showcases Namjoon. Although he is walking, it reminds me when he changed his jacket in 2017 for another year-end performance as he walked across the stage but now it’s for the staff. Literally, Namjoon is not doing anything but walking, but look at his stage presence?????

And this was how Dionysus began but again with the 7 constellations, they really brought the 2 tiger balloons that they used at the concerts with them here at the MMA, with the foreign women throwing flowers which coincidentally was a Greek tradition.

Yet again, before they start their performance, we have the same guy sounding the horn. But now we have guys in fedora hats which I am still confused as to why they are there. Well I did some research and turns out the use of fedora hats originated from a popular Russian play but the word originated from the Greeks themselves.

The name Fedora is derived from the Greek word theodoros, which literally means "gift of God." -History of Fedora

I will like to sidetrack now to talk about the guy in the veil. so someone speculated on Twitter about the use of the veil in Greek culture and so this is how i went down to do my research etc and reading a paper on it. I have highlighted the necessary parts.

after reading this, one could say that the veil is a form of expression for anger. but mainly anger, then emotional pain and lastly grief. it can also be seen as ‘a form of retaliation, the victim’s way of punishing the offender’s breach of the rules of interaction’. you may consider seeing it as being petty, in a way of giving the silent treatment or just not giving one’s full attention but again, this goes deeper than on surface value. kinda interested to see how this would pan out in the future.

However, enough of the hat and veil talk and its history, now going back to the performance. They even brought out the horses so honestly tell me what is going on. So doing more research, I dug out some. The reason why I am focused on the symbolism of these things inn Greece is due to the consistent Greek culture that is being cultivated, perhaps prior to the Dionysus one but it seems to be well incorporated in the various stages as well such as the Trojan horse in Jin’s stage which was used to invade and win the war in Troy. But going back to the history of the horses, they symbolize wealth and status. The horse was often affiliated with heroes and Gods hence seeming to be far ‘important’ to the native Greeks. Not to mention the gladiators as well. Though gladiators were common with the Romans, the Greeks had them too but not as prevalent as the Romans. Interestingly, the Greeks refer them as ‘barbarians’.

For the Greeks, the gladiators were more of sacrifices to the Gods and those who emerged victorious during the Olympic games were blessed by Zeus and offered Zeus praise. In a way, if I were to put it in a different context, Zeus could be seen as a power play figure in terms of Big Brother (read 1984 theory here). Not entirely the same, but similarities are present.

What is the link of Dionysus in all of this? Well apart from the song of Dionysus by the boys, as well as inclusion of the iconic grapes for wine-making and thyrsus, I found something interesting that could explain the use of Dionysus in all of this.

As we all know, Dionysus was the god of wine, grape harvest and in some others fertility as well. He was known later on to be ‘androgynous youth’; not exactly a man but a ‘man-womanish’. With his long history, ‘Dionysus had crossed boundary between life and death, and he was often portrayed as the god who crossed the boundary between the civilized and uncivilized and the known and the unknown.’. Somehow this makes me think that perhaps Seokjin is Dionysus, the idea that he is the one conscious enough throughout the HYYH universe that time is rewinding itself back to the fateful day where one by one, the boys kill themselves and he is the one trying to save them all. Not to mention, I still think the theory still holds that somehow Seokjin could also be seen in purgatory where he tries to give them back their innocence through using the lilies (read I Need U JP theory here).

Interesting fact was that Dionysus was ‘born of fire and nursed by rain’. Opposites that link Yoongi and Jimin as well.

Based on here, apart from the fact that Dionysus was actually half mortal, he had the power to raise people from the dead, which was how he raised his mortal mother, Semele, from the dead.

Some others speculated about the whole Gods concept in which they claim BTS to represent of the 12 and basing it on their performance. This is what they came up with.

RM – Dionysus Jin – Athena Yoongi – Hephaestus Jimin – Artemis Taehyung – Apollo Hoseok – Zeus Jungkook – Poisedon

If we based it on this now, this could explain the certain dance breaks together here. Hoseok and Jungkook, Namjoon and Jin, Jimin and Taehyung then lastly Yoongi by himself. Yoongi is the only one being independent in a way. I guess also why they did the N.O. break was because they did not perform anything from that era (that + YNWA, BST, DNA and Answer) but then again, we are blessed by their whole discography.

so first of all, their VCR especially for MAMA was heavily reliant on time periods.

Basically, what was relayed in the video is as such. The calling; future.

It started with the damn hourglass again, when will it stop??

They showed in the VCR these 7 white-veiled guys who I assumed would be them and is them but is also a carry over from the MMA scene in which during Tae’s stage and before Jin’s one, you see the white veiled guy next to the horses.

The VCR had very interesting transitions which reminded me of the Wings short stories with the various symbols, not to mention the fact it was heavily focused on Hoseok’s eyes which was similar to his short film of MAMA. The transition in and out of it. Past meets future. I will bet that this was Hoseok’s eye just by seeing the shape and also here’s a reference from MAMA.

The VCR had very interesting transitions and glitches, literally throwback to the 2017 MAMA VCR. That barren one person scene reminded me of DNA.

DNA

MAMA VCR Screenshots

The last picture reminds me a bit of BST, like the part where Yoongi plays the organ. Here’s a reference photo.

More VCR screenshots just giving me the vibes of BST.

MAMA VCR Screenshots

BST MV screenshots

Then the VCR stopped and BTS performed N.O. a really throwback song followed by We are Bulletproof Pt. 2. Notice how the VCR changed to intro them performing N.O. the whole scratches reminds me of MAMA for some reason, MAMA being Hoseok’s short film. Honestly, I thought it was great because they showed everyone that this was their origins to their success and they never forgot about it despite being how big they are and how they got their popularity through other genres and not the original Hip-Hop kind that they were promoting back then. They had the iconic hands again.

After this, VCR continued to show the past meets the present. They showed the boys during backstage of the concert, during it and think about it as the way it was edited to be like Burn the Stage and Bring the Soul movies. Those kinds. They showed the Mnet debut showcase. ‘We doubted ourselves all the time, we tried to overcome the fear we encountered. They showed their first win on the music show with ‘I Need U’. ‘Dreams are our realities from now on.’ This was said by Namjoon. Now showing all of the Daesangs that they achieved throughout the years starting with 2016 and how Yoongi cried. ‘We are no longer sad or pain’.

Past meets present: World.

The Vcr showed the 7-veiled guys and this was their arrangement, Tae, Suga, Jin, Jungkook, Namjoon, Jimin and Hoseok.

Do you not think this positioning of the veiled guys remind you of the fake love cloak stands. So from a clothes stand to a veiled person.

They then performed Boy with Luv and Mikrokosmos. During Mikrokosmos, they had stairs shown behind them before they pan out to the VCR again that started off with an hourglass. For some reason those veiled guys appear again and to be exact there are 7 of them. Not to mention the hourglass glitching giving me the BST JP. Vibes. When the phrase ‘all our time’ came out, they really had some collisions much like DNA.

cue the fake love MV with the smeraldo flower.

Look at the stairs behind them. I went to check and do some research etc. Based on this, the ladder is most commonly known to be the connection between heaven and earth. Notice how it’s heaven and not hell. There is no mention of the underworld or hell. But if we were to look at this, I did some more research about the symbolism of stairs in Greek mythology.

A lot of the references is that the ladders/stairs are to be the connector between heaven and earth; there was no mention again of the underworld. But another closer research showed this.

In the temples that have them, it seems likely that one stair was intended for ascending, the other for descending.

Here it talks about well, it’s a one-way kind of stairs, it’s not one where you can use the stairs for both up and down but rather a separate one. Also, these stairs were commonly found in temples of Zeus, Apollo, Aphrodite, Athena, Hera etc which if referred on top, are some of the Gods that the boys were speculating to be.

Yet, looking inside the article, they talked about ‘epiphany windows’ and my brain suddenly malfunctioned because epiphany windows????? E P I P H A N Y???

Epiphany provided an inherent sacredness and enhanced the-role of the temple in expressing sanctity.36 Even without actual "windows" forrestaging or framing events, epiphanies could be expected in and around temples.

An epiphany (from the ancient Greek ἐπιφάνεια, epiphanea, "manifestation, striking appearance") is an experience of a sudden and striking realization.

Reference

so again i did more research, epiphany in Greece is like the ‘festival of light’.

On Epiphany, the Greek Orthodox Church performs   the ‘Great Blessing of the Waters’.  This ceremony is usually performed twice, once on the eve of Epiphany which is performed in the church, and then again on the actual day outdoors with priests blessing large bodies of water, sea, rivers, lakes etc.

This reminded me of Jungkook with his performance with the water. But anywa, about epiphanies, I might just do another theory for that sometime later.

Now moving on,

Future meets present: Calling

Past meets present: World

They reiterated these two concepts back again at the end of the VCR.

Present meets future: Eternal Journey

Eventually they were all of the veiled guys but particularly Jimin was the first one.

All our time.

The VCR then showed the boys with props/items.

Hoseok -> Frame Yoongi -> Hourglass Jimin -> Polaroid Camera (Retro) Namjoon -> Mic Jungkook -> Recording Camera (Retro) Taehyung -> Violin Jin -> Opera spectacles

Interestingly, these items as seen from this Twitter are considered to be retro, they still remain relevant despite them looking old. However, if you were to think of it in relation to the HYYH universe, Hoseok’s frame that he held reminds me of the MAMA portrait that was shown in the short film of his called MAMA but at the same time it reminds me the link between Hoseok and Jimin as they both stare at the same picture

Yoongi’s hourglass does not hit much of resemblance upfront but if you were to consider the meaning of the hourglass which is to tell time, specifically how much time left. You would think of the pairing between Yoongi and Jungkook; in a way Jungkook was running out of time to save Yoongi. In some alternate universe, Jungkook failed to save Yoongi hence the I Need MV, and if you read based on the notes, the incidents between Yoongi and Jungkook do not happen all on the same day, but relatively near to each other. However in the Euphoria MV, it could be seen that Jungkook managed to save Yoongi, even in the webtoon series, Jin managed to save Yoongi as he found out what time was he going to die and which motel, but though Yoongi did not want to be alive.

Jimin’s retro polaroid camera, similar to Jungkook’s retro recording camera, they do not have much resemblance to the HYYH universe but rather their true personalities in which both Jimin and Jungkook engage in these kind of hobbies. Rather these things, coincidentally are more prominently found with Jin throughout the HYYH universe. In the HYYH Prologue and later on, Jin was the one known to have both a polaroid camera and a recording camera that he uses to capture the moments with the boys hence the idea of whether or not Seokjin was reliving the moments or not. (read Prologue theory here).

Before their last stage of Dionysus, the camera panned out and you see various animals as constellations eg goat, dolphin, lion, cheetah, goblet etc. Interestingly, if you look at here and here, it seemed as though Dionysus had the power to also transform into a lion or a bull and the latter shows that his symbols were leopard skin, panther and cheetah.

But the main one was the snake eg anaconda but the backup dancers were the ones in fedoras just like in MMA. thought that was an interesting edition.

anyway, throughout these 2 award shows, one could say they are riding on the whole Greek theology and concepts without ever culture appropriating it. i am sure they have been doing their own research and I can’t wait to see what else is in store for them.

References

JOURNAL ARTICLEINTERIOR STAIRCASES IN WESTERN GREEK TEMPLESMargaret M. MilesMemoirs of the American Academy in RomeVol. 43/44 (1998/1999), pp. 1-26Published by: University of Michigan Press for the American Academy in RomeDOI: 10.2307/4238755https://www.jstor.org/stable/4238755Page Count: 26 JOURNAL ARTICLEAnger and the Veil in Ancient Greek CultureD. L. CairnsGreece & RomeVol. 48, No. 1 (Apr., 2001), pp. 18-32Published by: Cambridge University Press on behalf of The Classical Associationhttps://www.jstor.org/stable/826867Page Count: 15

[Photo Source] Bighit Entertainment Credits: maxine ☕️ DO NOT REPOST ©

7 notes · View notes

pescado-diabolico · 4 years

Text

Tagged by @akuhimitsu for this meme! Thank you for the tag, it was pleasantly unexpect but i always appreciate + enjoy interacting with my mutuals :3

1. Nickname: maddy

2. Zodiac: virgo ascendant, capricorn sun, gemini moon

3. Height: 4′11.25″ (and yes that extra quarter of an inch matters)

4. Hogwarts House: ravenclaw

5. Last thing I Googled: ‘how to accept friend requests on starlight stage’ (i CANNOT read japanese)

6. Do you get asks? not generally, esp bc i haven’t done fic requests in a while

7. Amount of Sleep: 6-7, usually, i’ve been trying to have a better sleep schedule this semester

8. Lucky Number: 14/24

9. What I’m wearing: my jojo t-shirt (which has quickly become one of my favorite things to wear c’:), maroon track pants, a grey knit cardigan, and grey socks. gotta be comfy on a friday night!

10. Dream Trip: i’d like to go to japan and not just for weeb reasons lol. I’d also like to visit Rome and the ancient sites in campania (which? might happen this summer? if everything goes okay and i get accepted for a field school?). i also wouldn’t mind going back to venice/northern italy bc it was very lovely but it went by so quickly

11. Instruments: played cello for 8 years but haven’t touched it since i started uni, I miss it sometimes

12. Languages: fluent in english, passable reading comprehension in ancient greek and latin

13. Favorite Songs: just a few but uuuuhhhhh

these utapri songs: ai wo sasgeyo, egoistic, setsugetsuka

other anime songs: stella (hypmic), dear... (im@s: million live), radio happy + crazy crazy (im@s: cinderella girls)

The Cult of Dionysus - The Orion Experience

Television Romance - Pale Waves

Heretic Pride - The Mountain Goats

Which Witch - Florence + The Machine

Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

14. Random Fact: i messed up my knee going down an even flight of stairs in florence and it still aches if i have to sit in a cramped place for a long period of time another random fact just for fun: i ordered a margarita on the train a couple weeks ago and i think the cashier was so surprised that he forgot to ring me up for the candy bar i also got

I tag: @masatos-wig @pastpassages @draconicdemon @v-v-e-g-a and anyone else who wants to do this

#ask meme

3 notes · View notes

iskastudiies · 4 years

Text

seeing that it’s almost the new year, i kinda felt like doing this. here are some things that i am thankful for this year.

1. getting into my dream university i still cannot fully digest the fact that i am now studying in my dream uni. remembering all of those sleepless night, mental breakdowns, and countless doubts i had when i was preparing for my CETS makes me even more thankful for where i am now. now that i’m here tho, i can attest that getting in is a lot easier than surviving and getting out ahhdjahaah (but that’s another conversation).

2. senior high school

ok so basically, i used to study in a science high school during junior high. academically, i was doing well. however, it came at the cost of everything else. i just wasn’t happy, and i wasn’t growing in that environment. so, i decided to switch schools for my last two years, and switch tracks from STEM to ABM (business). and wow, it was one of the best decisions i’ve made. i made so many good memories and good friends. i was truly enjoying and growing. there was still pressure and stress, but it wasn’t the kind that suffocated me. i was happy, and i will always be grateful for those two years there. big bonus is that i graduated with the highest honors despite my tardiness many absences (dont judge me ok hahdjsha i became lazy at the end of the yr)

3. college friends guys :—-( i have friends!! in college!! idk for someone who struggles with socializing, it’s a big achievement for me. before entering college, i thought i would be spending the year alone and sad. and tbh i’ve got a lot more to work on. there are still times when i feel like retreating back to my shell. however, i’m thankful for the people i’ve met and the people i will be meeting in the future (yes im claiming it!! here’s to a better social life, 2020!!)

4. academics despite my acads life in high school, i knew college would be different! i entered it with 0% confidence. i was already intimidated by the subjects that i thought would be impossible to conquer and the many people that i could not measure up to. so, i didn’t really exert that much effort from the start because i thought whatever i did wouldn’t make a difference. i didn’t want to try, only to be disappointed in the end. yes kids, this is a very toxic way of thinking, but i just wanna be honest and say that i struggled so much with this — aaaa the perfectionist in me :——( but somehow, i pulled through! it took a long time istg, maybe it was halfway through the sem when i woke up and realized i’ve got to move and try harder!! i’ve got to condition my mindset!! it was hard tryna catch up, but ya gurl is running for dean’s list, my gpa made it!!!! (im sorry im not bragging ok im just so proud of myself)

5. discovered more about myself for those who don’t know, i live in a dorm with my best friend. it’s my first time living away from my family, and let me tell you ok, it’s hard! however, it made me discover myself more since i had no one to rely on but myself. meeting a diverse group of people in college also made me think more about my identity and such. with the challenges thrown at me, i got to know myself more and i got to explore my potential more. acceptance played a big part of that. i’ve grown to accept myself as an introvert, a perfectionist, and most importantly — a work in progress.

6. studyblr ok so i have been wanting to make an account for the longest time! i just hesitated because i was shy and conscious hajdksjaja. but can i just say that it really helped a lot!!! it gave me inspiration on the days i really needed it. seeing all these posts pushed me to be more productive and to be a better me! more than the pretty notes and cute stationery, i began to realize the value of studyblr more. when i’m super unmotivated or dead tired, i just look back at my previous posts and it makes me feel better. i hope i become better at tumblr next yr tho bc im such a bad studyblr ajmdkaj,,, ya gurl doesn’t know how to tumblr lmao.

with that, i just wanna wish everyone a happy new year! thank you for being part of my 2019 :—( here’s to more growth and better health for 2020 ♡

#new year #studyblr #end of the year post

3 notes · View notes

warmau · 6 years

Text

{Special} College!AU Hongseok

this was commissioned! | check out my other college!aus here

major: double major in acting & directing

minor: n/a

sports: men’s swim team

clubs: part of theater club, teacher’s assistant for intro acting classes, volunteers for the student government as a translator for foreign exchange students

hongseok ,,,,, has a personality that changes on the toss of a coin

hui says that there’s actor!hongseok and then there’s regular!hongseok

actor hongseok,,,,is who hongseok is when he’s in class. when he’s taking everything seriously. when he’s putting in every ounce of effort he has to grow as an actor - to prove his worth

when he looks serious, his profile handsome and stern

and then there’s regular hongseok,,,,,,who makes ugly faces and dances wildly even if the whole room is looking

the hongseok whose good at playing pranks, whose good at making you laugh no matter how down you are

and hongseok is silly - he has a natural talent to be a little weird, in a charming and almost infectious way

and his close friends all know this, they’re honestly baffled when people who’ve had one or two classes with him are like

“hongseok is so mature!!!! he knows so much about acting!!!!!”

and yuto is like “what hongseok are you talking about? it’s definitely not our yang hongseok” LOL

and for as open and corny as he can be - hongseok still somehow manages to have a super strict schedule

he doesn’t miss class, he goes to all swim practices, he works out afterword, and he keeps his side of the dorm squeaky clean

no one understands how the same boy who rolls across the floor of study hall, humming the james bond theme

messy hair and pointing his finger gun at hui with dead seriousness

is the same, studious person who gets up every morning at 7 am to go for a jog

“there’s nothing wrong with being funny and being fit - it’s not illegal”

“no hongseok, it’s just weird.”

“nothing wrong with being weird, have you looked in the mirror recently hui?”

“wHAT iS ThAT suppOSED to mEAN?”

but no seriously, when it comes down to acting - there’s a passion in hongseok that just cannot be matched

he’s dreamed about his debut for,,,,,for so long

he talks to himself - monologues he’s memorized in his head

he watches videos of other actors, reads about how they train - how they warm up

he jokes around a lot - but he’s not joking around when it comes to his major. not at all.

so as much as his friends think he can be a dork, they know with acting - there’s talent there

and when hongseok finally lands his first role in a weekday drama - he’s blown away

and that drama is actually how you meet him

and no it’s not ~super romantic~ like you’re a fellow actor and you see each other and fall in love

actually, you’re not even part of the set crew

you actually see the promotional photos for the drama when a friend shows them to you, excited that someone from your university is going to be on TV

they point out hongseok, he’s not the main character so he’s kind of in the background

he’s got this kind of nerdy look going on, simple khaki pants - button down shirt - big square framed glasses

but even all that can’t hide the natural beauty he has about him

but you just shrug, dramas aren’t really your thing. but it’s cool - you wish this dude luck

a couple of weeks it might be,the first episode comes out and everyone on campus is buzzing about it

you see hongseok around, being crowded around like a celebrity even though he has maybe ten minutes of screen time apparently

and then,,,,,two nights later you’re at a karaoke party celebrating the end of midterms

your friends are all tipsy, falling against each other and being messy and when you step out to go order some waters from the front you pass by another room

the lights are dim, there’s a sad song coming from within and you can’t help but peek through the hole

you nearly skid over your own feet when you see who it is,,,,,,

“isn’t that,,,,what’s his name,,,hongseok?”

you whisper and although you feel like a top tier creep looking through the small window you’re also,,,,,,concerned

he’s in there - completely alone

he’s still got his jacket on too

you blush when one of the workers brushes past you and gives you a look, you stop staring at hongseok and make way to get the waters - which you return to your own room

but then you take an extra one and turn back to go into the hallway

you don’t know what compels you to knock on the door

you don’t know this person, you just know that he’s kind of an actor now - but that’s not why you want to talk to him

you’ve seen things like this before, people - alone in public places. hurting so obviously yet - no one there to even bat an eyelash

you’ve done this before, not in a karaoke place, but you’ve had to force back tears on the train or at the store

when hasn’t someone had to do that?

so when hongseok opens the door, his dark eyes looking dull and something like pure sadness in his scrunched up stature

you think,,,,,if anything,,,,,this is the right thing to do

“hey, i don’t mean to be rude but are you ok? i just saw you and you looked really sad -”

hongseok brushes his sleeve across his face

“yeah, im - you know me because of the drama right? is that what you want to know about?”

you shake your head slowly

“i mean i know you are in a drama, but im not here for that. i got you some water, you just looked like you might,,,,,,,might not want to be alone?”

he takes the bottle you’re offering and a tiny smile pulls at his lips

“thanks, i guess i can trust strangers if they look the same age as me. do you go to the same uni?”

you nod, watching him sit on the couch and turn the karaoke box off

for a moment you stand there, quiet and awkward

why did you do this again?

“so,,,,,,how did you know i didnt want to be alone? im an actor, i thought i was putting on a good show.”

you bite back your bottom lip, unsure of what to say

“i mean, people don’t go to karaoke alone. unless they’re piss drunk.”

hongseok waves a finger to motion he agrees with you

“caught me there,,,,,,,,,”

he then goes quiet, playing with the cap on the bottle

“do you want to talk about it?”

you think the look on hongseok’s face reads that oh, no one has ever asked me that before - just for a split second

he shifts a bit, and you assume it’s to make space for you on the couch

you sit down and hongseok lets out a sigh

“debuting as an actor has always been my dream. i should be happy, over the moon. but my,,,,,,but my parents - they still,,,,,they’re still not sold on it you know?”

he winces, as if he’s thinking of something painful

“they don’t think i can make it a career that’ll last,,,,,and this drama isn’t anything special, so it’s not like they’re wrong when they say im going to be a D-list forever,,,,,,ill only get jobs like this - but i ,,,,, i just,,,,,they’re my parents - it hurts.”

you’re taken aback, since that wasn’t at all what you were expecting

here you were thinking he’d broken up with someone or he’d failed prerequisite calculus

but this,,,,,,this was emotional - and you’d just really met fifteen minutes ago

“but i mean, this is what you want right? all actors have to start somewhere, this is just,,,,,” you try to find the word and hongseok’s gaze lifts to meet yours

“this is just your beginning. with passion, you’ll only climb up.”

hongseok hangs his head and you feel your stomach tighten, did you say something wrong?

but then you realize he’s chuckling to himself

“see, i tell myself that all the time - but hearing it from someone else,,,,,,it makes it ten times more valid. thanks,,,,stranger.”

you mumble out your name,and hongseok catches it - repeating it with a bit of a smile

you smile back,,,,,and you and hongseok - you click,,,,,,,that moment it’s like it bonds you together

because he picks up the karaoke remote and points it to the box “wanna do a duet?”

and for the next hour you find yourself jamming out to early 2000s hits - hongseok’s voice almost cracking as he screams out the lyrics to avril’s sk8r boi

the sight almost makes you lose your own voice laughing

and you realize,,,,,,,that when hongseok is paying for the room - that you abandoned that party you were at

but you check your phone,,,,there’s a bunch of text about how they’ve all ubered home and it’s fine

hongseok nudges you and goes “you up for some 4 am snacks?”

after that,,,,hongseok slowly becomes a friend

you two live very different lives - hongseok is either filming, swimming, or doing something for his acting major and you’re indulged in your own thing

but sometimes, every now and then you two find the time to head to karaoke again - or to the arcade

hongseok once asks if you want to hang with him at the gym,,,,,you realize that he literally meant hang when you find him upside down on one of the bars

hongseok,,,,,is regular!hongseok around you - he’s freaking funny and unique

you can guarantee for it to be positive, even though your initial meeting had been so,,,,,,,,,,so sad

you never see hongseok on set, or in his classes, so you don’t meet actor!hongseok

though you do point out you can’t believe he’s the type to be a stickler for neatness and daily healthy foods

hongseok voice: yogurt is good for you!

you, eating a cookie: yeah

but,,,,,,,as time passes you finally do get to meet actor!hongseok and god- you really wish you hadn’t

it happens when hongseok texts you, asking where you are

you had headed to the city after you classes to shop around for a new phone case and hongseok is like ‘coo! im about to wrap up stuff for the last episode so im in the city too, wanna go back to uni together?’

it’s causal, normal - something between friends

but when you get to where he tells you to go, you notice the set - the cameras - the people running around

and in the middle, on the crub ofthe street is hongseok

he’s wearing another nerdy getup, it makes you giggle in your palm but then ,,,,,, he’s reaching out - holding onto the hand of who you assume is the main girl

“you’re always on my mind, you’re the most beautiful person ive ever met and i want to give you the earth - the moon - the sun, anything! how could you choose him over me?”

hongseok’s voice trembles, but his delivery is clear - raw with emotion

it catches you off guard for a moment as you stand there, mesmerized

the girl shakes him off, says some generic line and then hongseok is left alone on the set

he takes the glasses off, eyes falling to the floor as they swell up with tears

under the lighting of the cameras,,,they look almost amhitest

“why,,,,,why am i always left to be broken?”

he clenches his jaw and something inside you starts to stirr

this is supposed to be another corny, predictable daytime drama - but hongseok’s acting is levels beyond that

you don’t know anything about the plot, the story, his character and yet- just his lines make you want to fall to your knees and cry too

the director yells cut, over for the day and hongseok notices you

within the span of a second his hurt, miserable acting face drops into his glowing smile

he jogs over and leans out to ruffle your hair as you duck away from his hand

“did you see my scene?!”

“y-yeah it was good!!”

he grins, shrugging and then tells you he has to return the costume and he’ll meet you in a couple of minutes

as he leaves you tell your heart to stop hammering against your chest - what you’re feeling is emotions from his scene

not,,,,,,,,a reaction to hongseok

handsome, talented hongseok

the hongseok who’d spilled his heart out to you, who’d showed you he could be vulnerable - who’d made your days brighter since you got to know him

no,,,,he was just a friend and you -

hearing him call your name, you turned and like a stop frame in a movie hongseok looked absolutely perfect

waving his hand to you, casual black jeans and beige sweater

and you,,,,,,,,,,,,oh god you had a crush

of course, there was no telling hongseok this. so many people had crushes on him you’d be number 205, you were sure

and hongseok had chosen you as a friend - just that. you weren’t going to ruin that

but were you going to wallow in your pity? yes,,,,,completely

so,,,,,a couple of days after you did what hongseok had done when he was sad

you went to karaoke. alone.

at first it was weird, but after putting on some random song, you watched the video and just thought about it - about hongseok - about liking hongseok

when did it start? when you first saw him you thought he was cute, but you weren’t like in love or whatever

maybe it was that time at the gym, when he was hanging upside down like spiderman - you’d thought briefly of kissing him then

or was it when you guys were walking to the pool and hongseok jokingly asked you to feel him flex his muscles and you were shocked at how strong he really was

you didn’t know,,,,,,,,and when you wanted to reach over - switch the song you heard a knock

confused, you opened it assuming it was a worker but then - it was hongseok

with flowers

“thought i would find you here.”

“w-what is this?”

he walked by you, throwing himself on the couch and holding the flowers out to you

“sad people always go to karaoke alone to be sad - so here i am, to cheer you up like you cheered me up.”

you reach to take the flowers, but hesitate

he’s just here to ‘cheer his friend up’ isn’t he

but then hongseok takes a hold of your outstretched wrist, he pulls you forward right into his lap

the flowers falling to the floor beside the couch

you swallow “hongseo-”

“i don’t think im going to need a lot of words for this, so just let me-”

he hovers his mouth over yours, his breath smells a bit like mint and when he kisses you it’s deliberately slow

he’s waiting on you to react

and when you do, hands traveling up to grip at the front of his jacket and kiss him back like you really mean it

you swear you feel him smile

pulling back you both stare at each other, red faced and suddenly shy about it all

you slip from hongseok’s lap and he picks up the flowers, clearing his throat

but it’s only awkward for another moment till you’re kissing each other again

safe to say, the worker scolds you two when he accidentally walks in on whats happening

hongseok,,,,,doesn’t just tell his friends he’s dating you - he makes it his own damn monologue

“after meeting, like star-crossed souls searching on a long path for one and other i am now dating the most beautiful, angelic, sweet-”

wooseok: just tell us their name please god

and tbh when hongseok says it’s you they’re all surprised,,,,but then hui snaps his fingers and goes

“you’re the one who hongseok cried to about his life in the kara-’

hongseok covers his mouth and just grins but you’re like yes,,,im thAT person LOL

there’s no actor or regular hongseok when it’s you and him it’s just cute, sweet boyfriend hongseok

who loves having your attention, who plays with your hair absentmindedly

who notices tiny changes and compliments them

who switches out your sweets for fruits when you’re not looking LOL

who quotes his favorite lines from romance movies to you when he’s run out of corny pick up lines of his own

and because he wakes up so early to work out you always get good morning texts

sometimes accompanied by a cute selfie of him before his run - or a ,,,,,hotter selfie of him after his run

unapologetically tells everyone about how great you are, but also tells e’dawn that if he tries to flirt - hongseok still has that blackmail from three years ago and he will not hesitate to email e’dawns mother gufsijg

“but you’re the mom of the group hongseok”

“oh no e’dawn, i mean your real mother. don’t test me. she likes me and you know it.”

calls you petnames that he makes up on the spot - sometimes they can get a lil long and weird

people tell him that as an aspiring actor, maybe he should stay single to help his career but hongseok is like no im an affection monster - i need someone to focus all my love on and it’s them

(the them is you - hongseok is pointing at you)

tries to get you to do scenes with him, but when he’s serious it makes you laugh

because you’re used to him doing funny faces, sticking his tongue out at you, dancing all weird across the room

you just burst into giggles and he’s like yOU gOTTA kiss me ten times now for breaking my concENTration

speaks a whole sentence in one language then switches to another and you’re like why and he’s like doesn’t it make me look cool and you

pinch his cheeks and he’s like oW wHY

and you’re like you look cooler not saying anything at all jokes jokes

i feel like your relationship with him has to thrive on these back and forth jokes

but also,,,,,,,under it all you’re two people who have seen each other at super low points and you know were your insecurities lie

but despite that you keep each other positive and happy

and hongseok is doing better with his parent’s support, but whenever he needs to know he’s appreciated

you’re there by his side

you go to one of his swim meets with a little banner and hongseok nearly melts - the coach has to catch him from stumbling over LOL

tires to clean up your dorm for you when he’s over and you have to swat at his hands like no no just come over and cuddle no that clock isn’t crooked hongSEOK

you guys totally marathon movies together in bed,,,,,but the next day hongseok is like in the gym for five hours to makeup for the ice-cream you ate

“no way you can do a handstand with one ha- oh mY GOD my bOYFriEND is IRON mAN??!?!?”

hongseok: ; )

seeing how hongseok is with his friends, how silly but also how caring he is just makes you so proud of him

and when he tells you there’s this freshman following him around always asking him for acting pointers you’re like AWWW how cute

and hongseok is like is it???

and you’re like you’re gonna be a great dad someday and hongseok is like gkehsfgdskg oh m ,,,, y god

nothing funnier than witnessing hongseok singing into a toothbrush with his bed hair sticking up

did i mention, hongseok has this habit of sneezing SO loud and one time he sneezed and it made you drop your food and he teased you about it for ages after

kissing hongseok is like,,,,,an experience - he could either make it slow and passionate and full of his tenderness

or he can go full 100 and have you so close to him you feel like you’re molding together, hand clutching at your body with eagerness

it’s a toss up, but you don’t mind either way

and i bet hongseok is a talker,,,,,like he whispers things against your ear,,,,ok aNYWAY

jinho is always like “hongseok~ you love me too right’ and hongseok is like of course and you’re like oh my,,,,and hongseok is like

i love you jinho but do know i would sell you out ina minute for my s/o

jinho: wow

hui: DISSED , DRAGGED THROUGH THE MUD

hongseok lifting his shirt to try and distract you from studying LOL

but also you get to see hongseok act in other projects and it’s so mesmerizing to see him on and off screen

and the amount of people who are like you’re so lucky to be with him he’s going to be famous

and you’re like i know im lucky,,,,,,,,i love him a lot

but it’s not the fame or whatever - it’s the fact that hongseok and you are ,,,, it’s like fate brought you together

even if you’re too shy to admit it

(hongseok isn’t he’s like babe,,,,,,,,not to be dramatic but we’re soulmates. ive seen a bunch of soulmate dramas and we are actual soulmates)

#pentagon scenarios #pentagon imagines #pentagon au #hongseok scenarios #hongseok imagines #hongseok au #yang hongseok #pentagon #hongseok #sfw #College!AU #writing commissions

494 notes · View notes

riskeith · 3 years

Note

hii!

oh right! i forgot that you can see the ask while responding hehe. i wish that was the case for moi as well because i have all our convos screenshotted because of this.

(actually not really? like my appearance is super girly and i like ~girly~ things but i also love the dudebro culture.. it do be like that. wbu?) WHY DID THE TSUKISHIMA IS NOT A TR*MP SUPPORTER SEND ME.... now who the hell would even say that and be serious... some people man i’m telling you.

diluc 🤝 razor 🤝 fischl animals over their heads.

oo.. you sparked my attention.. will def check it out. i was too busy playing last night to read anything but Today I Will.

OH YEAH I’VE SEEN THOSE cyberpunk is such a messy game sndhdkdhfjsk. HOLY SHIT THAT TRAILER MADE ME SO EXCITED! sjshdkdjfjdk god this game is so amazing yet fucking huge... how the hell will it fit any phone if it keeps getting bigger and bigger..?

nooo don’t worry i’m having fun tbh. and i’m super motivated too so that might be the case. also i switched the dub to japanese just before venti’s story mission and i’m loving it so much. thankfully there isn’t too much battle yet to distract me but god i love all their voices so far. venti... hinata finally started to actual fly. i like diluc’s voice too! love his actually, super fitting for his character. 🥺

WOULD KEITH LOOK LIKE THIS IRL... he probably would 😭 greasy boy lived in the desert his hair is probably so bad 😭 what kind of mullet would you want though? like s1 keith or s7 keith? or do you have a specific kpop artist’s hair you wanna replicate? OOO.... rock star? 😳💢 what’s your clothing style if you had to describe it? also what are your thoughts about tattoos and piercings? since we’re on the topic of punk rock hdjdsksj.

idk why i find your beef with slow songs so funny aksjdhdjdhdjsk like i can just imagine you groaning bc a song doesn’t pick up the pace lol (omo...... where would we go? 😳)

treasure hoarders are fun to fight bc they just cuss you the fuck out sjdkdkshd. i like when they yell at you yet they’re so weak like fuck off dude. THE HILICHURLS ARE KIND OF CUTE YOU’RE RIGHT especially the ones that dance or sleep and you interrupt them... 🥺 personally i like fighting the slimes i think they’re adorable. they just bounce and their music isn’t too loud or annoying. you know what i fucking hate? goddamn ruin guards i can’t stand them and their aggressive music dhdjdkshs. their drop rates are shit but hilichurls are also the most common enemy, right?

after dinner? aww. same! it’s such a nice way to wind down; a cup of tea and some candle lights.. i love all of those flavors Except matcha, it just doesn’t work for me kdhddk i feel like green tea tastes like grass.. sometimes i drink it bc it’s healthy but i’m Not happy. otherwise i’m like you i drink practically everything. mostly black tea though because that’s what most common in my culture i suppose. djdkdj i used to be so good at drinking water but since i’ve been at home a lot it’s been getting worse... i do have a water bottle by my side always bc as much as i drink other things clean water is important too! are you good at drinking water?

do you know about the euphoria make up style though? it’s super colorful and lots of glitter and abstract shapes it’s so amazing and it would fit xiao so well. like imagine him in bold aqua and purple make up with lots of shimmer... 🥴

hehe, can’t wait to hear from you! <3 (and yeah! no i figure i’ll just keep it so you’ll at least know my name.. we’ve been talking since oct it’s only fair.. right?)

heya!!

ghdgkjdfg i do be taking up your photo gallery tho <33

(:o! i reckon i’m pretty much of a tomboy, tho i’m definitely stereotypically girly too.. but sometimes i have a hard time relating to other girls so hsfjdhfksd) FHSKFSD yeah ikr like.... sometimes it really aint that deep there are no other sides to it LOL

i hope you enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!!!! i sure did i reread it as well a few days ago ahaha

IKRRR I REWATCH THE TRAILER AGAIN EVERY NOW AND THEN JUST BC LIKE,,,, THE HYPE. that’s actually a good point tho lmao like??????? buys a phone/device JUST for genshin fhsdkjfhskdfs

nice!!! hope you enjoy the japanese dub hehehe. and omg that’s so cute 😭😭😭 he’s tobe flying now... and yasss diluc’s VA is really popular too his voice is 👌 sehr gut

FHDFKJSDHK EWWW. yikes i don’t remember his hair but i think s1?? it was shorter then right... “tidier” lol i feel like at s7 it was kinda outta control fhskfjds. and yeah!! https://twitter.com/worldsbestmulet/status/1186534890415644673 < he was my insp for a bit bc we’re both chinese so i think realistically i could look somewhat close if i tried fhskjfhds but also https://i.pinimg.com/originals/de/7b/fc/de7bfc8c52603abd7c69dc558c9c8bfe.jpg is what i showed my hairdresser when i wanted an undercut hfksdjfds. my clothing style is legit just: whatever’s comfortable. it’s pretty much all sports branded clothes fhskfjsd and i live in my hoodie + trackies lollllll. but last year w uni i wanted to step up my fashion game (rip) and i wanna buy more street style clothes!! they’re just... quite expensive lmaooo. what’s yours like?

and i like them!! when i was 14 i wanted to get a tongue piercing FKHDSHFKSDHFKSD but i never did lol. but i did get a double helix piercing in dec finally!!!!!!! i think i’m done now tbh (aside from that i only have my lobes pierced) but yeah it’s not a big desire of mine. i had a dream once tho where i was decked out in piercings and thought it was very Cool. as for tattoos, i’ve always wanted to get one! and last year i was lowkey toying around with the idea of getting a sleeve but realistically i cannot bc well. med. (if anyone reading this has a good stable well paying job for me that’ll allow me to quit uni... hmu FHSFHDSFKJSD) you??

FHSKDFHDS yeahhh it’s so awkward when people are recommending me songs and it’s slow bc im just like “mm yeah it’s nice.” and if it does actually pick up the pace then i’m like “i liked the fast parts” FHSDKFSD. (wherever you want to go baby 😉 wait omg..... read running on air that just have me.. roa vibes HFKJDSHFKSHFKSD)

yes!! i love those hilichurls sm... AHAHAHH i used to hate ruin guards too but now they’re actually one of my faves dhfdskj. you know what’s so annoying tho. dendro slimes when i don’t have any pyro users on me. or when i can’t find them and the music has just started up out of noweher hfdskjf. yeahhh i think they are but :(( you can’t tell me “dropped by lvl 60+ hilichurls” and not have them drop it for me..

ahaha that’s fair!! i adamantly did not try anything matcha until like 2018/19 and then wow. a whole new world opened up to me and now i only get matcha whenever i go places fhdskj. ooft... yeah i’m really good at drinkng water it’s the only thing i drink lol... and i’m always just drinking and refilling my cup and giving myself an excuse to leave my room fhskjds.

yeah i think i have an idea! mostly just zendaya in the song thumbnails fhskdfjs but i am picturing a lot of glitter!! that image wow...... his colour palette is so 🤩🤩

(omg since oct... has it been that long already 😳 but okay if that’s what you’re happy with!! i promise i won’t accidentally out you here ahaha. also! when you reach co-op send me your UID in a separate ask!! i’ll delete it after i add you im just paranoid about you sharing your uid anywhere public hfskdjfhsd)

babe.. this thread https://twitter.com/seungjinphobia/status/1349001013978533890?s=21 no thoughts head empty.

omg 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i cannot... their dynamic is literally xiao: someone’s gonna die >:( venti: of fun! :D JHFSKFHDSKJFSK i can’t take it someone stop them!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhdkjfhaofisdhliajdfhdsjkfhgsliudfhasdkjhdasjgadsj

hope your day has been wonderful so farrrrr OH ALSO I FINALLY MADE MY GENSHIN TWITTER FOR CHONGYUN... will share over co-op maybe.. i haven’t really set it up yet hfskdjds

#marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

0 notes

jiilys · 7 years

Text

im already there (by habit)

A/N: happy birthday my love @alrightpotter. ellie i love u more than u love ham.

Lily blasts music in her room and lies on her bed, avoiding her maths homework and thinking about him and what to get her mother for Christmas. Primarily him.

“What you doing today?” she’s called him. She meant to be cooler about it but couldn’t help herself.

“Whatever you’re about to suggest.”

“God, I’m hanging up, that was unbelievably lame.”

“You must be the only person in the world still saying ‘lame’”

“’lame’ is trendy.”

“You know what’s not trendy? Saying the word trendy.”

“I’m hanging up” she lies. “I have no idea why I called you.”

“I’m halfway to your house, I expect gas money.”

“I’m not giving you fucking-” she starts, and he hangs up.

Here is the thing: she absolutely does not like him.

(Here is the other thing: she is absolutely lying.)

She goes to his party, despite telling him she wouldn’t, and puts lipstick on. She rubs it off in the car. There is no universe where he should think she tries for him.

James struts over like a dick and hands her a beer. “You’re crashing.”

“Actually I was invited.”

“And then disinvited.”

“You can’t disinvite someone from a party just because their favourite Spice Girl wasn’t Posh.”

“Sure I can” he shrugged, and then smirked, “’knew you’d come anyway.”

“It’s because of the booze.”

“It’s actually because you wanted to see me.”

“We saw each other in chemistry.” She says, even though he wasn’t in chemistry.

“I wasn’t in chemistry.”

“Really? Damn. I didn’t notice.” He smiles, rolling his eyes. She grins into the lip of her beer.

“Lupin said you asked where I was.” Fucking Remus. Traitor.

“Merely hoping you were at the bottom of River Hayes somewhere.”

His eyebrows shoot up. “River Hayes? Rather specific location.”

“That’s where I’d dump a body.”

“Ah.” He takes another swig of his beer, “See I’d go for Sirius’ backyard.”

She dreams about him again.

They’re twelve, standing on a tennis court and holding racquets. It’s an argument. Sunburn blistering on the back of her neck and shoes to small because they were Petunia’s, and she’d forgotten about this. How she used to hate him for real.

“-fucking stole my fucking bike you shit” she was yelling, and he was smirking, throwing a ball in the air and catching it calmly, over and over, like she wasn’t screaming. She throws her racquet at him. It hits James on the nose.

She wakes up when she sees the blood

She used to hate him, until- well, she never really figured that bit out. They just didn’t like each other until suddenly she was in his car on Friday nights, driving around and demanding he pull over so she could get out, and him doing it, and then being parked for a while talking about school or arguing about the merits of the post and then suddenly they’re driving again, and Lily is threatening to climb out the window because he’s just said he uses Lynx body spray.

There was no specific point that she can remember that made them this. It was just them at thirteen, standing in the principal’s office because she’d thrown an apple at his head and given him a concussion, and then it was them again- only different. In the queue at Burger King, bickering about how he said he didn’t want anything when they both knew he would just eat all her fries.

They’re in his car again. She ends up in his car a lot more than is probably wise. Marlene is waiting for her in Bio. Going to Bio is probably wise.

“Piss off. I can absolutely touch every lamppost on this street faster than you.” He says.

“Please.” She scoffs, but he’s already running, the shit. She really should be in Bio right now only she isn’t, instead she’s streaking down Church Street and swearing at him, thwacking lampposts.

She leaves the restaurant right after it happens, dripping in wine and not crying but wanting to very badly. Petunia does not call after her. Somehow this makes everything worse.

She’s dialling his number before she’s consciously aware of deciding to do so. He answers on the third ring. “Listen Evans using me to do the chem homework is ethically wrong-“

“James.” She says, except her voice sounds terrible, gasping and raspy and wrong. She feels boneless. He doesn’t hear her.

“-not going to let you use me for my brain, even if it is brilliant, as we’ve alrea-“

“James please come get me.” She tries again, and oh god, she has started crying. How horrifically fucking embarrassing. Her head hurts. When she was four years old she used to practise writing Petunia’s name, the curve of the ‘a’, the cross on the ‘t’. How important it had seemed then, to never get it wrong.

“You alright?” he asks, sharply. She can hear his jangling keys in the background. The sound of an opening door. She knew he would come. She knew he would come for her if she asked.

“Lupin, wanna flat with me at uni?.” Sirius asks in English.

“Absolutely not.” Remus says.

Sirius swung around to Lily, “Evans, wanna flat with me at un-“

Lily is too busy watching James’ mouth fall open to respond. “Sirius I’m your best mate-“

“Would you hold on Prongs? Evans hasn’t given me her answer yet.”

Dreams, again, of him. They’re in his car, eating chips and waiting for a pedestrian to go over the cross walk when she turns to him and abruptly confesses, “I like you.”

He whips his head around to look at her, and suddenly they’re not in his car at all, but standing in the back of the hall where they had their school ball a year ago, leaning against the wall, elbows touching. He stares at her.

How dare you look at me like that, she thinks, how am I supposed to kiss you in front of all these people? How am I supposed to not?

It’s Mary’s birthday and Lily hates the fucking beer here. She hates all beer, actually. Tastes like ass. Sirius is in the corner sculling wine in a misguided attempt to impress Ellie Cook, who is pretending to not see him.

“You look lonely.” James says, meanly, slouching against the wall. He’s been in a shit mood since Avery and his mates tried to crash an hour ago.

“You’d know what that looks like.” Lily says.

He says nothing, sips his drink and stares out at the party. “I fucking-“ he starts, then stops. He seems like he wants to tell her something but cannot get the words out. “I hate everybody here.”

“Sirius is over there.” She points out, because he is, and because James is holding his beer so tightly his knuckles have started bleeding again. Something had happened outside with Avery while she was holding Marlene’s hair over the loo, by the time she’d gotten out there Ellie Cook was already dragging Sirius back and James was reeling, blood on his hands, lip swelling, roaring something terrible.

“Except Sirius, obviously.” He retorts sharply. “Sirius and you.”

She feels lightheaded. He pushes off the wall to get another drink.

She goes to chemistry and he isn’t there, and she doesn’t have the energy to pretend like this does not bother her.

Lily Evans to Shit Face: where are u

Shit Face: burning in hell

Lily Evans: wheres my invite

Shit Face: if it makes u feel any better i wish like fuck you were here

Shit Face: minnies lecturing us on how they wont ‘tolerate taking every whiteboard marker in the school and putting them in the girls loos’ at uni

Lily Evans: higher education rlly has gone to the dogs

Shit Face: my thoughts exactly

She walks into her room and he’s lying flat on her floor.

“Fucking!-“ she jumps back, heart racing.

“It’s only me.” He says, ridiculously, and she stares at him.

“How did you get in here?”

“Window. I’ve brought you this,” He holds a Twix in the air and she puts her bag down, “as an apology for breaking and entering.”

“I should think doing time would be apology enough.”

He sits up on his elbows. “So you don’t want the Twix then?”

In this dream she’s leaning against the bike sheds out the back of the school with him next to her. They are not touching. In front of them her twelve-year-old self is shoving twelve-year-old him into the concrete and calling him an arse.

“You could’ve concussed me.” Eighteen-year-old James points out.

“I was hoping to.” She admits, as twelve-year-old James gives her former self the finger. Eighteen-year-old Lily meanwhile, is stuck with an inexplicable urge to hold his hand.

Petunia does not come to graduation. Sirius hugs McGonagall when he gets his diploma and she hugs him back while James wolf whistles. Later, after photographs and food and her mother crying she calls him.

“Today was a good day.” She says without saying hello.

“It was.” he agrees. Her brain feels impossibly far away from her head. The night presses around her windows like cupped hands and she stretches out her own fingers, the knuckles she was born with- bigger now- stark in the lamplight. “It’s all going to be different.”

“Not all.” he says, and she feels almost drunk. Please God be talking about us, she thinks, do not let this ever be any different. Let me have one constant. Let it be us.

“I hope you know that just because we’re going to the same uni it doesn’t mean I’m not going to ask you for gas money when you want to go joy riding.” He tells her after a minute. Her heart grows through her ribs like a weed, hooking through every bone. How good he is, how right.

“I would hardly call any ride with you joyful.” She says.

University is lonelier than she’d thought it would be. Marlene in Australia and Mary in Nottingham and her mother back in Liverpool. It drizzles in London, rain like an afterthought, and she finds herself looking at old photographs at lot more than is healthy.

“I can’t stand this.” James says over coffee, “I’m going to drop out.”

“It’s only been a month. You’ve barely dropped in.” Lily takes a bite of his muffin and refuses to acknowledge the look he’s giving her for it.

“Thief.” He accuses, swiping it back. “This cost me six pounds.”

“That’s practically extortion. You should call the council.” She says, and he smiles. While he’s distracted she takes the muffin back.

Another dream, late night, heart racing. When she wakes up she can only remember bits. The kitchen countertop with paper all over it, her washing dishes, him drying. Outside in the garden, the sun on her neck, him kissing her forehead, skin warm all over. Forcibly changing the radio station while he drives, him laughing that she has no right, grabbing his hand over the gear shift, him saying something about being in a Nicholas Sparks movie, her turning up the volume.

It was sun, and laughing, and a house. It was not love, she would not let it be. But it was close. Right to the bone.

“What happened?” she says in rush, surging forward, heart banging something terrible. James does not look at her. His eye is purpling, soon to be swollen shut, and there is a cut on his cheekbone. She cannot calm down.

“He was defending my honour.” Sirius cuts in, looking rather horrific himself. Remus purses his lips. Peter has another crisp. James still won’t look at her.

She drives him back to the dorms because his hand is broken and he can’t grip the wheel. It was Sirius fault, as always, because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut and there was no way to stop them all going ridiculously to bat for each other every time, so what was there to say. In all my worst nightmares you get hurt and I am not there to get you, does not seem like enough.

Standing at his door she reaches up, brushing the hair out of his face for a minute. It’s like something out of a movie, only in a movie you wouldn’t be able to see the stiches in his eyebrow and they wouldn’t have sat in silence the whole way here.

“Remember when you hated me?” he tries to joke, half smiling.

“No.” she says, truthfully. Who can remember that long ago. Who can remember a time before they were this, where he fought for his friends and she drove him home.

They’re in his dorm, standing over his illegal toaster that has fried the plug, and she says “you’re a fucking moron” and he kisses her without warning.

And for a minute she cannot think at all, because this is James, and he is kissing her, and she is kissing him back, and it is good. Then all at once it is not, because this is James and he is kissing her and she is kissing him back.

She pushes him hard in the chest and he stumbles back. “What the fuck?” she accuses, and he is staring at her, wide eyed, perilously close to the fraying toaster wire.

He mouths wordlessly, and she feels violently sick. The room is rife with silence, and he continues to say nothing, and she wants the last two minutes back. She wants the time back within her instead of here, out, where he can look at her like that. Where she can leave and have him not call her name.

She stays wake all night, unable to sleep, lying on her bed in the dark. Ironically enough, the only person she wants to talk to about her feelings for James is James. You’re over thinking it, he would say, eating more of his fair share of the food they’d paid for together, it’s not as bad as all that. Relax.

How to tell him, this fake James she has conjured in place of the real one, how scared she is of this. Getting the wind knocked out of her. How awful love is. Needing someone like that. Wanting something that badly. If it went wrong she would have no James at all.

She dreams about him again.

Except, not really, because it’s actually just her sitting at a dining table. But isn’t every dream, really, about him? Haven’t they always been? Her mind is her own dirty secret, because she can think of him as much as she wants and no one will ever know

“What if we’re only good like this?” she asks into the silence, voice cracking. There it is. The terrible truth. The worst secret. What if the only way they work is when they’re trapped in limbo, pretending to hate each other.

She wakes up.

Two days later she calls Marlene. She answers on the second ring. “I heard. You’re a fucking idiot.”

She sounds like being late to bio, and wearing pyjamas under their uniform skirts, and eating chocolate in their frees. “It’s all gone to shit.” Lily says, missing her like hell.

“You’re acting like a tit. Go apologise.”

“I don’t-“ she starts, and feels like a fucking child. She is so tired of being afraid. “How?” she asks, exhausted.

Marlene is indignant. “What do you mean ‘how’? I don’t fucking know, do I? It’s James. He’s yours. Do whatever you need to.”

She knocks at his dorm only to have Sirius open the door a crack and stare at her for a minute. “Evans is here.” He says without looking away from her. A beat, and then the door abruptly opens wide to reveal James. Sirius backs to the side, looking between them, and Lily can hardly believe how uncomfortable the whole thing is.

“I was- I’ve been an idiot.” Her tongue feels entirely too big for her mouth. “For some reason I was entirely terrified to love you.” His eyes widen on the word ‘love’, and she forces herself on, “but it’s too late for that anyway.”

She stops herself from rambling just to fill the silence, because admittedly this could all go terribly but it is hard to feel that way when he is looking at her like that. He still isn’t saying anything. They are never this quiet. Maybe she wasn’t clear.

“Just to clarify- I do love you.” She says, and then immediately wants to be eaten by the carpet.

“I sort of got that from the first bit.” He says, stilted. Good God, this is awkward, she cannot believe Sirius is here for this. And then- “Now that we’re officially in love I guess I can’t ask you for gas money anymore.”

She smiles. “Well I’d hope so.”

“Tough shit. You still owe me twenty pounds from two weeks ago.” He tells her, leaning against the still open door.

“I am never in my life going to give you that twenty pounds.” She says, truthfully, and he grins. How ridiculous she has been, thinking that this would change anything. This is how she loves him, in the doorway of his dorm and in every dream she has ever had and in the way that he knows exactly what to say to make her laugh.

#I HAVE LOOKED AT THIS TO LONG AND I HATE IT NOW BUT ELLIE. GOD. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING.#jily #james potter #lily evans #sirius black #alrightpotter #(((((ellie cook is u btw i wasnt sure if u wanted me to use ur real last name so i used cook inctead I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT U WROTE TODAY)#carolineswritingtag #title from that annie eve song we love but not as much as we lOVE EACH OTHER BC WE ARE GAY #forgive me for the ham bit also i tried to make this good but i cant look at it anymore im going to lie down #anyone i love you more than anything and sirius needs to fuck u asap how rude of him 2 die can u believe #ellie

727 notes · View notes

stuclyblrs · 7 years

Photo

hi everyone !!!! i’m a rising freshman at college/uni and thinking back on the college apps process i realized that i learned a lot that i would like to share !! i was successful with my college apps so im hoping i can give good advice✨

want to see more of this series? click here for the rest of the posts !!

organizing ur schools

alright so now u know what you want in a school and have some schools on ur list time to organize them !

the super prepared way this was uhh not at all me but if you are some one who likes to be organized here are some things you can do !

spreadsheets - this is the most common way i’ve seen! using excel or google docs allows you to have all ur schools in one place and it allows you to compare the different factors that youve identified as most or least important. additionally, it is useful to easily see which schools are closer to you stat-wise through the various methods of color coding that excel has

@appsademia has an excel sheet here that you can use

@thestudyaesthetic has another spreadsheet idea here

@science-is-golden has a college application checklist that’s super clean and organized - a good resource for organizing the important info for your applications (such as deadlines, acceptance rate, and other requirements) (original post)

good ol’ notebooks - super easy way to store key info about colleges and that way u can basically pick any kind of layout that fits your needs. get a new notebook and make a section for each school you’ve considered with all the key factors (dont forget to include deadlines !) also a good resource to make more of a timeline rather than just info

printables - similar to using a notebook, but layouts are already designed for you

organizer from us news - also includes other sheets for campus tours and a general checklist

plain and simple printable from popdox on esty - includes information that might be overlooked (like what ap credits schools with accept)

less detailed organizer from seekingthesouth blog so it’s good if u just want to get to the point

@studenting has printables that include a sheet for organizing info, checklists, and writing supplements

the lazy student way if ur like me and didnt care enough to make fancy spreadsheets like the rest of your friends have no fear you can still be on top of everything! the number one thing to do is enter every college ur considering into ur common app (even if youre still not sure about a school and might delete it later). the common app dashboard will easily display the application deadlines, if supplements are required, how many letters of rec, etc. for all the schools. additionally, you can save schools on collegeboard which will allow for easy access of a school’s statistics. this is p much all i did and i didnt have problems keeping deadlines or other requirements straight

ranking your schools

now that you have your schools and you’ve gathered all the information about them, it’s time to make a list ranking your schools. this where you decide what schools could be right for you and what schools you should take off your list. while i didnt do this, i have seen many people rank the various factors for each school on a scale of one to ten and add up the points (make sure to include costs in this !!) you’ll want to view your schools critically and determine if you really want to attend a school or if you’re just applying due to external pressures (such as prestige or because your parents want you to). another factor that can help determine if you should apply to a school is a campus tour. on paper, a school might sound like it could be your dream school however you might completely hate it once you visit. the vibe a school gives off can be something that’s hard to describe but it is an important influence in deciding what is right for you - i will cover campus tours more in-depth in my next post

determining safety/match/reach schools

a super important step in ur college application journey !!! you need to make sure that you have a balance of schools (or hope that u dont fall in love with any reach schools lol) to ensure that you’ll end up at a school that you will be happy and successful in

safety - these are schools that you have confidence in and are almost certain that you will get into. your safety schools should have acceptance rates >60% and generally your stats (gpa/test scores) should be better than than the average stats of accepted students. your safety school should also include price !! if you cant afford it then its not a safety school since u might get into a reach school and then realize you cant attend to due cost. this is also super important but make sure you actually like your safety school. i cannot stress this enough too many times have i seen people apply to schools that they dont care about just so they have a safety school. while it doesnt need to be your number one choice, you never know what will happen in the admissions process and it /could/ end up as your only choice so make it a good one !!

match - these are schools that fall right in the middle. match schools have acceptance rates between 40%-60% and your stats should fall in line with the average stats, but they still could be slightly less.

reach - these are the schools w/ crapshoot admissions. doesn’t matter what your stats are, it’s always going to be up in the air if you have a chance a getting in or not. these schools have acceptance rates >40% and they could have stats where u match with the average stats or the average stats could be higher than yours. this category also includes schools that are out of your price range

lots of people wonder what the right number of schools to have is and tbh there is no real answer to this? you should definitely have at least one safety though !! and in general, you really shouldn’t have 10+ schools. i know i cant stop you or tell you what to do but if you have that many, then you probably haven’t put a lot of research into your schools and have found the ones that will be the best fit for you (i personally applied to 5 schools). additionally, application costs can be $70 and several schools have extra essays so that’s a lot of extra effort and money that you do not need to spend.

that about covers everything for creating the perfect college list ! if you still have questions please send me an ask !!!! i already mentioned this, but my next post will cover campus tours (my personal fave tbh) so please check back soon for that post!

#appblr #college applications #appblr18 #appblr 2018 #studyblr #college #appse #mine #and sorry to the ppl that i tagged in this b/c i linked a resource u can just ignore this post :^)

45 notes · View notes

hermemo-blog · 5 years

Text

S H I F T

Is this evolutionary for me?

It’s a question I have recently realised I have been asking myself for a long time. Where will this next shift take me? How am I meant to trust that I am making the right decision? Does it feel right? Do you trust that feeling in the pit of your stomach? If the answer is yes, just leap darling.

The past two years have been an absolute whirlwind. As a result this may be a long one, (it’s really just for me to get it all out). Let’s begin with a little background. December 2015, I was 20, and it was the first time I had felt an internal pull or what I now recognise as a direct message from my soul. Oh, and It wasn’t just a small message. I was screaming internally. I wasn’t happy, in fact I was miserable, my anxiety was winning and I was stuck in a repetitive pattern of self doubt and self hate. Growth wasn’t even an option, something had to change.

I now know that the universe was well aware of how i was feeling, I was asking for a sign, for change. Then one of my biggest dreams came true. Triggering a shift in me that I wouldn’t come to fully recognise until almost two years later. What I did see was a level of happiness and freedom that I hadn’t encountered before, and once I had tasted it, I knew that’s the feeling I needed to live in everyday. So, subconsciously, I set out to create it.

I found the courage to end my, (toxic) five year high school relationship and within a few months, I had landed a new job. In a new city, whilst still completing my degree, with a brand new relationship. I was very suddenly watching the town I grew up in disappear in the rear view window of my also newly purchased car. To say I was leaping was an understatement, it scared the life out of me.

My new job, I thought it was my dream job. Which, looking back now, for that period in my life, it was. I stepped into a BIG company, that I knew would set me up for success in my career. Being the stubborn person I am, I couldn’t wait until I had a degree, I had to work straight away. Boy, I was thrown into the deep end. This little creative Libra was suddenly running marketing campaigns with targets that had a few too many zeros on the end. I discovered what it was like to drink three coffee’s a day, with minimal to no food, (because you don’t have time to eat). I became a yes woman, and as a result ended up doing two roles instead of one, (go figure!..). I had to drop out of multiple uni subjects (hello extra debt), and i was gaining weight quickly due to stress. Everyone close to me didn’t quite get it, and it’s impossible to explain. The pace, expectations and level that you have to operate in, is not sustainable. I slowly began to watch people I had grown to love at work move on to other opportunities. Something in me knew that it wasn’t really making sense, BUT I had to make the most of my opportunity and get as much experience as I could. I had made the big move, I couldn’t just quit. I constantly told myself that this crazy culture was benefiting me somehow...

LESSON ONE

The right people will come into your life exactly when you need them to, trust the universe.

Just over a year in, I was still working two roles, our team was dwindling and I was in the midst of deciding if I should stick it out to two years, or quit right then and there. I was fighting to be paid fairly and i was wearing thin. When hired a new team member. Things didn’t stop, if anything they got more intense and more stressful, but I had a partner in crime. A #WORKWIFE and she taught me so much about trusting yourself, your gut and your intuition. To stand your ground, and to stick up for yourself. She’s a no bull shit kind of girl that’s not afraid to speak her mind, and little did she know, it was all this Libra needed. (Not to mention she is also a Swiftie and we struggle to find an interest we don’t have in common). Honestly, I would not have gotten through that second year without her by my side.

LESSON TWO

It’s okay to step away, to find yourself.

You will be happy to know that I am writing this from my house surrounded by boxes, yep I’m moving back home. I have a new shift, a new role and it couldn’t feel more right. When I first moved I was running away from a toxic relationship which haunted every place i visited. I knew i needed to re-group, focus on me, build a life for me, so that I could come back stronger than before. It’s okay to say no, for you. It’s okay to decline an invitation, for you. It’s okay to disappear for a while, for you.

LESSON THREE

Never give your entire self over to a business/brand that isn’t yours

As said by the incredible Alison Rice, no matter how beautiful, how much love or how much respect you have for a brand/business. You cannot in any circumstance give your entire self to them. What would happen if you placed your wellbeing at the same level as your career? Balance is key.

LESSON FOUR

#BIGREPUTATION

I was always the lovely, ever smiling, bubbly, humble, yes woman. Darling, some people are just not.good.people. They will manipulate, they will use and they will take advantage of you, over and over again. It’s hard to recognise these kinds of people at first, (It’s okay, I didn't). They hide behind a facade of compliments and lies that they use to build you up and trust them. They will act like they know everything about you and how you operate, and they aren’t scared to tell you this until you believe that they know you better than you know yourself. They will act as a guardian, a mother bird, who will always protect you. They won't. They spend their days playing their little game, perched upon their tilted stage. They will burn you at any chance they have, if it will benefit them. Do not trust these people.

But guess what? It’s okay to underline their name, you don’t have to play their game. Because you are smarter than they are. They can’t handle honesty, it’s a foreign concept to them. So darling, go around them. Strike them from behind, when they are least expecting it. You’re a snake darling, you only strike when you (or people you care about) get stepped on. It’s terrifying, but you will have the last say.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still that girl. Im still the romantic, humble and positive human that I was. I’ve just added back in my layer of self respect, self worth and trust in myself.

LESSON FIVE

Don’t regret it, every event is a lesson if you will let it be.

I have learnt so much about myself over the past two years. I trust myself and my intuition more than ever. My anxiety does not rule me or my decisions anymore. I’ve embarked upon the journey towards sitting in my true self and I can’t wait to see where this next shift takes me.

Love, Memo

#self reflection #inspiration #hermemo

0 notes