jiilys

[jiilys]

hi! this is so strange to like Announce Formally, but I’m going leave this blog. sorry for making it sound all serious i just didn’t want to just ghost out on you all!

It has meant a lot to be to be here for so long, I learnt how to write here with all of you. I hope you all know how much I appreciate the time, grace, and support you’ve all given me over almost ten years (!) (what the fresh fuck!!! its actually been ages) 

also not abandoning fic! Just this blog, I’ll still be on ao3 over at flagpoles, so if you want to keep reading my stuff that is the place to find me, so really this isn’t too dramatic. I’ll be hanging around this blog for about a week just to finish off replying to some messages, so if you have anything you want to talk about I’m here for a few more days! if you ever said anything about my work, I am terrible with messages both here and in real life, but know I read it all. to think that stuff i’ve written means a lot to people is very surreal, because fic means a lot to me. Thank you a million and forever

i’ve got one more thing to post, a follow-up to good crimes which felt like a good thing to go out on here. sorry its taken fuckin forever. also, fuck transphobia and don’t spend money on hp shit it feeds her bullshit. 

thanks for letting me write the stuff I loved. i got so lucky being here with all of you. 

caro xx

#just tidying things up - okay im really done now. bye everyone i love you!! james/lily forever!!

[jiilys]

deleted scenes deleted scenes

going to shamelessly use this to talk about worthy punishments behind the scenes

at the top of the document i have 'troubles always gunna find you baby / but so am i' from western nights by ethel cain because literally. thats them

heres a bunch of random sentences that got cut because i never built the scenes to go around them:

Sirius, in charge of paying literally one bill, realised he forgot when the kitchen light went out. Lily told him not to open the fridge and they ate bread for dinner, sat on the kitchen floor with candles on. She would have taken a picture, only her phone had run out of battery three hours ago and she couldn’t open her laptop without seeing the thesis document and feeling sick. 

"James sent you a pie but I ate it" Sirius said, holding the pie box and not even looking guilty. 

The masters she was meant to do in two years she was now going to do in three, sat on the phone with uni administrators trying to explain how her brain felt laden with cement, unusable actually, and she needed the time to figure out how to be a person again. Sirius, mysteriously, would always appear with a biscuit packet at the end of these conversations, and, after a particularly horrible one, a bottle of tequila he’d had delivered, and she chewed him out for spying but not really. 

They pulled the tattoo gun out out over the next few months, mostly keeping to his back and arms, easily coverable. His visa case number. A crudely drawn square. ‘Jimmy’ in a heart with a cross through it. They got really drunk once and Lily almost wrote ‘sense and senseabitch’ but they couldn’t figure out how to spell it (senseabitch or senseabitchity).  

Something James had said to him once, after doing something insane to impress lily in school: I heard her voice, what was I supposed to do? 

Sirius has spent his life being distracting. It is, in fact, maybe the only thing he is good at. 

heres sirius getting a haircut. i have no idea why i didnt put this in i think i forgot:

“It needs more off the top.” 

“You just said that.” 

“It still needs it.” 

“How can you even see the top?” Sirius accused.

“It looks weird–“ 

“It’s gunna– Lily!–“

Lily had taken a large chunk of his hair and was carefully cutting against the comb, “he’s right, there’s too much at the top.” 

“Oh my god–“ 

“It was making you look like a poodle.” James added.

“You’re mixing your metaphors.” Sirius said, shortly, “Before you said I looked like I’d been lost at sea for ten years.” 

“Okay Lily, you looked like both.”

“I looked like a poodle at sea?”

“He’s mixing his similes, not metaphors.” Lily corrected, absently.

“Are you done?” Sirius asked. 

“No.” 

“Remus said you were looking slightly caveman the other day.” James added. 

“You’re loving this, aren’t you?” 

“Honestly,” James grinned, “Massively so, yeah.”

Lily stepped back, squinting. “Okay, I think the left side is quite a lot shorter than the right.” 

“Brilliant, cheers Evans.” 

“Let me see” James said, craning his neck on facetime, “I need screenshots for the group chat.” 

“Christ.” 

here's a scene i wrote ages ago and cut because i couldnt think of a better joke for the last bit, even though parts of it are okay:

Sirius was having a cigarette for breakfast when Lily walked in and sat at his desk and said “I think we need to spice things up” 

“In what sense?” 

“In our relationship.” 

Sirius, overwhelmed with joke opportunities, genuinely couldn’t pick one and missed the window. “Okay,” Lily got up, clearly reading his expression, “I want to start this again.” 

“No, wait–“ 

“No, I’m not giving you a chance–“ she said, leaving. She then immediately walked back in. “I think we should–“ 

“Spice things up in what sense?” 

“We started this conversation again.” 

“I didn’t,” Sirius said, “Are you finally propositioning me? Because I’m afraid you couldn’t afford me.” 

“I was literally just going to suggest we go a day without talking so we would actually have stuff to catch up on the next day, but now I don’t think one day not speaking is enough.” 

“Oh,” Sirius feigned disappointment, “My ideas were way kinkier than that.”. 

“You just said I couldn’t afford you.” 

“I’ll give you a discount.” 

“Hard pass.”

“Snob.”

Lily stood up, “This entire conversation has been pointless, I’ll see you at dinner.” 

“I can’t believe you just came into my room to tell me you didn’t want to speak to me anymore.” 

“AndI turned down your prostitution offer.” 

“You are a shit mate. James would’ve taken me up on it.” 

“Yeah, well, he’s still got some start-up money.” Lily called, rounding the door.

also this:

They have a huge fight about whose turn it is to vacuum, full yelling, Sirius banging kitchen cabinets, Lily’s voice going hoarse. She goes in her room and tries to call James but the line is busy, which probably means Sirius is talking to him. This is so annoying that Lily goes and bangs on his door and tells him to hang up, Sirius yells back that he’s not even on the phone with him, which Lily immediately outs as a lie when she barges in the room. Sirius continues to lie loudly that it isn’t him and James puts on a high voice for ten minutes, fabricating an elaborate backstory until it’s just all of them –Lily standing, Sirius spread on his bed, James’ voice –talking shit for an hour until Remus comes looking, and then he joins in. That’s the day. 

heres this random exchange:

"I wouldn’t mind going to jail"

"What if Remus wasn’t around to bail you out" Lily countered

"That would never happen." Sirius said, eating a donut for some reason.

they were going to have a big fight. it was actually one of the first things i wrote for it, and its not bad, but i couldnt have remus appendix/lilys thesis crisis/sirius depression stuff AND this. too angsty. anyway here it is:

Lily let him ring three times, before picking up on the fourth. 

“You are fucking shite–“ 

“It’s your turn for coffee–“ 

“It’s nine am! You have never been awake at nine am! Fuck off!” She hung up. 

The phone rang twice. She picked up fourth ring, third call. 

“I said-“ 

“First of all, nine am is not an unreasonable time to call someone, secondly, when you were banging pots at all hours last week not sleeping and making some typically heinous bullshit I did all the dishes and said nothing because that’s my end of the deal, and for the record not all of us have the luxury of operating on English time one-hundred-fucking-percent of their blessed life, some of us are having to conduct company bullshit in a time-zone for a country they can’t even enter, and have been awake for four hours, and had to get out bed today. Grow up Evans.”

The dial tone was a knife. 

Lily made the coffee, and walked into Sirius on mute on zoom, glaring furiously at a notepad. He looked up when she walked in, looking a little guilty and mostly defensive. 

“I thought about spitting in this.” She held out the coffee. 

His shoulders relaxed a little. If she’d been another person, any other person, she wouldn’t have noticed, “Only thought about?” 

“Yeah. Sorry for last week.” 

“Sorry for about five minutes ago.” 

She shrugged, “Nine a.m. isn’t an unreasonable time.” 

“Your cooking isn’t that heinous.” 

“Liar.” Lily gave him the coffee, “How is the meeting?” 

“Vitally important, so I’ve had them on mute for ten minutes.” 

She smiled and hit the unmute button on his laptop. Voices burst in, Remus, half-arguing about system design, two unknown voices trying to shout him down

‘no murders’ she mouthed at him, backing out of the room. 

He grinned, winked at her. Turning back to the screen: “Oi, let Lupin finish what he was saying–“ 

i rewrote that sirius depression scene a hundred times, i can't even tell you. a million versions of it exist and still i dont know if its right

lily was going to say this: “No I don’t” Lily took the bottle out of his hands, “You are not wrong, you’re brilliant. There is no charity, nothing works without you”

or this would happen:

No, no” Lily said, easing the bottle out of his hand,

“I’m weight. You can’t keep trying to bail me out. You can’t fix it”

“Whose trying to fix it? That’s impossible. But you can tell me.” 

“Doesn’t do anything.” 

“Yes it does,” Lily, stubborn, always, to the blood, “You know it does. Its the only thing that really does work, it’s just hard to remember. You’re not charity, or weight, no one’s bailing you out. We love you. I love you. And if that’s bailing you out then fine, that’s for free forever.” 

alternately this would happen:  Sirius wasn’t there for any reason other than he was bored at the bar and James was in the business of throwing lifeboats to people he loved. And Sirius always needed the lifeboat, the saving, the pulling back. Lily dragged him to every meeting, made sandwiches, wakes him up.  Remus bullied him onto every call. Their club was the only one he ever wanted to be in, but that could not be enough forever. Without them he falls into Regulus’ crowd, dead in a tunnel somewhere, speed-racing. Remus hated that. James too. Sirius loved going fast

anyway there were so many. lily was also going to say this at one point but i never built a scene around it:

"Theres nothing more stupid than marrying your high school boyfriend but im going to do that"

all of the lily and sirius stuff at the end is inspired by this one line in my notes: it's weird. i don't remember the bad stuff. you were there.

also lowkey very proud of this title like when i thought of it i was like oh my god

anyway i have to run, talk more soon abt this stupidly large thing!!

#retirement lmao #worthy punishments

[jiilys]

I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I read Tender Objects for the first time and everytime I reread, I go back to feeling like my old self again. Your writing is so beautiful , I'll always be obsessed ❤️ Thank you sm for sharing your work with us :)))) happy retirement 💖

thank you so much, i have so much love for tender objects, truly a fic i will think of fondly forever and not just because the title is actually semi decent. ghost lily till we die!

#retirement lmao

[jiilys]

hi idk if you’ll see this or if you’re now gone for good but good crimes part two was phenomenal just like everything you’ve written and not to repeat all that everyone has told u but I’ve also obsessively read everything you’ve written for years and years and there are things that u have written that are burnt into my brain forever and ever probably. u are exceptional and lovely!

thank you so much, this is so nice i dont know what to do. love u!!

#'burnt into my brain forever' bursting into tears crying sobbing over this!!! #retirement lmao #ok im about to go but let me do deleted scenes and then this one another thing and then im gone truly this is gods longest retirement #im like tom brady honestly when will i go!

[jiilys]

worthy punishments

aka good crimes part two: plague edition 

//

“Coffee?” Sirius to Lily, who looked barely human on the living room floor.

“Absolutely.”

“Decaf?”

“Shit-head.”

“How was the break through?” Sirius, putting the jug on, leaning against the kitchen cabinets.

“It wasn’t one. I just had to write a thousand words to figure that out.”

“Grim.” Sirius said, half listening.

“Undeniably. Good sleep?”

“Spent most of the night trying to find a weed dealer who delivers.”

“On Incognito I hope?”

“Obviously. MI-6 isn’t catching me.”

“Find anyone?”

“A few. Also an acid guy.”

“No acid.”

“Well, we’ll obviously do coffee first–“

“We are not dropping acid locked inside during a pandemic. We’ll kill each other.”

“I’m telling you,” Sirius, pulling out two cups, half clean, “maybe acid will give you the thesis break through–“

“Christ–“

“For your studies, Evans–“

“Stop trying to pitch me on acid before coffee.”

“After coffee?”

Lily groaned. Sirius stirred the coffees with a fork, looking at her expectantly.

She considered. “How good is the pitch?”

“There’s a Powerpoint.”

She sat up, “Really?”

“Okay, no, but listen,” Sirius, walking over with the overfull coffees, liquid slopping out, “Just drink this first.”

//

They both set lockdown goals. Lily wanted to write ten thousand words before it was over. Sirius wanted to learn to light a cigarette off their electric stove. When asked to pick another goal, Sirius said his second goal was to complete his first goal.

read the rest on ao3 

#hp fic #lily evans #sirius black #jily fanfiction #james potter #carolineswritingtag #i need someone to ask me abt the the deleted scenes from this so i can free myself from these bastards #its been forever! anyway i love u all and goodbye. thanks for everything #i'll fix any mistakes tmrw im going to bed let me know abt all the inevitable typos!!

[jiilys]

I just wanted to say that I’ve checked your tumblr at least once every fortnight for years. I don’t go on tumblr very often anymore, and basically don’t interact with hp stuff at all, but I’ve kept coming back to your work. You know the phrase “shrimp colours”? Your writing makes me feel the emotions version of that, shrimp feelings, if you will. It just touches me in a specific way that means I usually end up crying even if it’s happy because it feels real to me. I’m sitting here waiting for good crimes II with a slight ache in my chest because I know it’ll be the last thing posted here and I can’t wait to read it. I’m sad to see you go but so thankful for all you’ve given over the years. To echo the previous ask, there are so many specific scenes from things you’ve written that are just lodged in my brain and I think about them constantly. Lilly sitting with her boots in the sink is one of them for some reason. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say other than that you’re enormously talented and that your work has meant so much to me. Happy retirement!!

god, this message, i could fucking cry. i could stand on my porch and wail forever. i cannot tell you how grateful i am and how nice this was to read. writing is so lonely except it isnt because of stuff like this, and also because james and lily and sirius are just behind the door, always waiting around, joking about something stupid. all i did was write it down. i'm so glad it was real for you, it felt like that for me. we're in this together. i hope good crimes 2 is everything you want, i hope you think it's good. this is going to sound crazed but i remember writing lily with her boots in the sink, years and years ago. i am so glad that stuck with someone else like it stuck with me. both of us tied together by one image from years ago. thank you forever

#retirement lmao #screaming crying throwing myself to the ground. thank u love u

[jiilys]

Sending you alllll the love Caro 💌💌💌💌

I've always wondered but never asked what flagpole means.

Also Neck of the woods did THINGS to me and I'm never not going to be thinking about it. No words can describe the love I have for it (& u!!)

Have a nice life xxxxx

love to you always!! not to expose my life or anything but flagpole was an old nickname i had, years ago, that i thought sounded decent enough to use because i used to change the name of this blog a lot and wanted something consistent (officialhoneydukes shoutout!! who remembers her!!!)

thank you of loving neck of the woods, i wrote all that stuff late at night and deranged, kind of like now!!

have a good one xxx

#retirement lmao

[jiilys]

Spinoff question of 5 - "What do you wish someone would ask you about [insert fic]?" - what fic do you wish someone would ask you about?

going to shamelessly use this to tell everyone the playlist/songs i wrote good crimes part 2 on, even though no one will even be able to read it until i finish manually fixing all the italics on ao3:

strong enough by boygenius - im not strong enough to be your man i lied i am is so siruslily coded its insane. it gos both ways!!

hard times by ethel cain - sirius black himself wrote this!! i cannot express how important this song was!!

state lines by novo amor - i've been awake in every state line trying to make it last us a lifetime find me a way i'll be yours in a landslide. (james screaming from across the ocean)

a million times by emmeline gracie

repeat until death by novo amor again - don't go you're part of me now (lilys internal monologe during the visa battle)

august by flipturn - vibes baby!!

dionne by the japanese house ft justin vernon - I KNOW ITS NOT VERY SEXY WHEN SOMEONE LOVES YOU THIS MUCH AND KNOWS YOU THIS WELL

between me and you by brandon flowers: lily and james forever and lily wrote this anyway

hey there delilah by plain white t's: becomes obvious ones you read honestly. its lily and james song to be quite embarassingly honest!!

sun bleached flies by ethel cain again because i love pain.

also their entire dynamic is epitomised by this gifset of a show i have never seen

anyway it'll be up very soon. sorry i didnt make a playlist but imagine this on 8tracks with a sick cover

#good crimes #ethel cain got me through my masters degree singlehandidly. it was all her!! #retirement lmao

[jiilys]

that sequence where they’re robbers & lily is interviewing and halfway through takes off her wig to demonstrate her wig wearing skills…. it takes up so much space in my brain i want to be that funny

this is so nice i went back to find and read that fic because forgot i wrote that!! i love it when people say specific stuff they loved like this because then i get to go back and relive it, espically stuff from this long ago!! wow that robbers au was forever ago. i know that you too can be this funny, even the way you phrased this made me laugh. jokes baby!!

#truly complement of the highest order to be called funny. all i ever wanted my writing to be! that and good!! #also good crimes part two dropping in like 20 minutes stay tuned. also say smth if ur around im just formatting and drinking cider lmao!! #retirement lmao

[jiilys]

hiiiii I'm not into hp anymore for obv reasons but i always loved your writing and it truly brought me so much joy!!! all your text fics were so funny to this day when i hear gasolina i think if sirius. i wish you all the best and happiness and thank you for your writing and getting such a delightful presence on the dash!! ❤️

thank you so much!! wishing you all the best. i recently saw that ‘Gasolina’ became the first reggaeton hit to be put in National Recording Registry and also thought of that dear boy. also thought of @kwonhozhi who came up with that bit in the first place. so much love in one stupid song!!!

#retirement lmao #still truly so iconic. bonnie's power everyone!!

[jiilys]

i don’t know how to describe the slight ache i felt in my chest reading your leaving post - i’m also not as active but this feels like end of something. i’ve been following your work for a very veryyyyy long time, you’ve made me laugh and cry and just been such a huge part of why i loved HP and those characters that will always stay with me. you are truly incredibly talented and one of my favourite writers. thank you and take care! <3

now MY chest hurts, what a thing. thank you forever

#retirement lmao #i cannot believe how lucky i am rip i know i say that all the time but it's always true

[jiilys]

Hi!! Happy happy retirement you will be missed ❤️ I just wanted to say that I’ve loved your writing for a really long time and went through a phase of regularly checking your blog for any little fics back when I was really quite distant from everything fic/tumblr – yours was one I kept coming back to. Thanks for giving us so many beautiful stories, your characters will always be much much loved by me (and clearly by many)!!

what an honour, my god i am so lucky. thank you for your time!! also this message. i love it when i hear people have escape this wretched website but still have to circle back to some stuff. same!!

#the idea that i am that to some people........ boggles the mind truly #retirement lmao #also yes i know i left for five days very flop of me i will now be leaving this blog on sunday rip my time management

[jiilys]

i just wanted to let you know how much i love your writing. you are so talented and write characters so beautifully. will your work still be able to read or will the whole blog be deleted?

this is so kind, thank you so much. also dont worry jiilys will still be around!! i coud never delete this blog it has too much of me in it

#delete this blog??? 14 year old me would rise from within and kill me #retirement lmao

[jiilys]

hi caro! saw that you were leaving and i couldn’t let you go without saying that ur literally the reason i made a blog on tumblr dot com and the reason i had the courage to post my writings so thank you for everything u unintentionally did for a small little child back in 2020 :)))

you have no idea how happy this makes me, thank you forever

#like oh my god! #retirement lmao

[jiilys]

some lily and sirius headcanons?

check back here either tomorrow or the day after for good crimes part 2 currently clocking in at over 10,000 words good god

#ok I know I said today but consider that I went away for Easter and forgot my laptop…… #would it really be me if it wasn’t very very late! truly I live to accidentally lie. anyway it’ll be up on Monday #which is Sunday for like everywhere else in the world except here. non stop flopping!

[jiilys]

this is jayne and i come back on here just to stalk u occasionally kjxzdnfjksfh i miss your writing wtf im so happy the latest is just DAYS AGO. never stop!!

oh my god jayne i love you so much. SO MUCH. literally i was thinking of your superhero au the OTHER DAY. im drinking a glass of wine and am FULL OF LOVE AT THIS MESSAGE. i will write forever purely because you told me too!!!!!

#truly if i could tell myself from five years ago that apalapucian thinks i can write she would DIE she would be simply DEAD #jayne i love u so much when the rising sun breathes is still so good. like its SO good #retirement lmao

[jiilys]

holy shit i will miss you so dearly. happy retirement!

i'll miss you too, thank you for giving me your time for this long!!

#retirement lmao #insane that its been a decade. true blue lunacy!