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#It’s not survivor’s guilt bc it’s not like I had to survive anything like I never had the chance to live in Iraq or anything

randxmthxughts · 1 year

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All For You - Neteyam x Ta'unui ! reader (enemies to lovers) - pt. 1

*Ta'unui is the Eastern Sea water clan that was attacked by Quaritch

masterlist

part 2

summary: When Quaritch attacks the Ta’unui water clan looking for Jake Sully, the clan’s Tsahik forces her younger sister, Y/N, to escape and seek refuge from the Metkayina clan. As Y/N deals with the trauma of losing her home, she discovers that she isn’t the only outlander in the village. She develops conflicted feelings for Neteyam but the tensions grow when Y/N finds out that Neteyam is the son of Jake Sully - the man she hates.

genres/tropes: angst, romance, enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, grumpy x sunshine, slowburn

other pairings: Loak x Tsireya, Kiri x Ao’nung, platonic relationships (Y/N x Kiri x Tsireya, Y/N x Jake, Y/N x Neytiri)

warnings: war, mentions of blood, PTSD, trauma, survivor guilt, character near-death experience, slightly aged up neteyam, dialogues are supposed to be in na'vi, not english, lots of side eyes, braids swaying, and neteyam appearing out of nowhere like the batman lol

word count: 30,2k (ik this is insane)

a/n: i’m so sorry because this is so long but i spent about two weeks working on it night and day, and i have never been so hyper fixated on a character before. i would love for this not to flop bc otherwise i might feel a little dumb, so if you enjoy it, please spread some love :) i always go through the reblogs to see if anyone said anything in the tags, so…

the set up is a little slow but bear with me

____

It all happened in a blur. You always believed that in a time of danger, you would be skilled and strong enough to protect your clan. But as you watched the sky demons, disguised as Na’vi, pointing their weapons at your people and burning your homes, you felt like a useless coward. If it wasn’t for your sister’s, Tsahik’s, quick thinking of causing a distraction and pushing you into the water, you would have been dead by now. She sacrificed herself for you to live.

You can’t make out how much time has passed since you finally made it to the unfamiliar reefs, as you collapsed on the sand, breathless and disoriented. You could only hope that you reached the correct destination: the Awa’atlu village. The distant sounds of horns announced your arrival, and strangers started to surround you in a circle. When the Olo’eyktan approached you, you managed to summon the rest of your strength to stand up and greet him.

You’re weak, and judging by his face, you’re sure that the explanation you give him is too vague. You hope that despite your mumbling, he understands that you were asking for refuge to escape from the sky demons. As the villagers around you start whispering, the only thing that comes to your mind clearly is “Jake Sully.” They killed your people, set your village on fire, shot your ilus... All because of Jake Sully.

“Jake Sully,” you repeat in a low whisper, your eyelids suddenly feeling heavy.

“Where is your ilu, child? Did you swim here by yourself?” Olo'eyktan asks, examining you with a hint of worry.

You wince at the mention of your ilu, the painful memory of its death still too fresh. It seemed unfair that you weren’t fast enough to save both of you. You had underestimated the demons, thinking you were too far away when a bullet suddenly pierced through your companion, acute pain reaching you simultaneously through the bond. You ilu did its best to swim through, bringing you to safety before you felt its body sink underneath you with a final shriek. Yet you couldn’t even mourn.

You were still in the open water, alone, unsure of where to head. You screamed as you pulled yourself together and started to swim, pushing through exhaustion and soreness in your muscles. You couldn’t afford to stop until you reached the unfamiliar land. You owed your sister to survive this.

“They killed my ilu,” a sob escapes your throat, your knees suddenly going weak.

“Easy there,” you hear a low voice beside you, as a pair of warm hands snake around your waist, supporting you to stand on your feet. You glance down at the hands, and realize that they are different. Blue-skinned.

“She needs to rest. She must have been swimming for hours,” Tsahik steps out, “What clan do you belong to, child?”

“Ta'unui.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Your first night in Awa’atlu, you’re too weak to get out of bed. The Tsahik had placed you in a small empty marui, close to hers, so she could easily check on you. In moments of consciousness, you catch glimpses of people and snippets of conversations. When they ask you questions about your arrival, you can only answer by nodding and shaking your head.

Ronal, Tsahik of the Metkayina clan, says that you could have died out in the open water. She thinks it’s a miracle, and whispers prayers to Eywa while massaging your muscles with various balms. You can’t protest really, even when the balms start stinging and making your muscles clench and burn.

Tsireya, the daughter of the Tsahik, always remains by her mother's side, carefully observing her actions, and joining her in prayer. You guess that she is the tsakarem. Watching Tsireya reminds you of the time when your sister was a tsakarem, following your grandmother around to learn from her.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

On the second day, you feel better. You gradually regain consciousness and start to move your limbs. Despite the pain and the slowness of your movements, you feel the life return back to your body. Tsireya stays with you even after her mother leaves.

“Are you feeling better, Y/N?” Tsireya perks up at your movement.

“Yes,” you’re surprised by the hoarseness in your voice.

“Don’t worry, your voice will be back to normal soon,” Tsireya finds your reaction amusing.

You’re not a big talker but Tsireya is a pleasant company. You don’t feel pressured to react or reply, as she talks to you about her village and her clan. You can see how hard she tries to keep you distracted from the pain.

“You'll be just fine here. There is even a family of forest Na’vi who joined our clan a while ago,” she says, “You can imagine how difficult it was for them to learn everything from scratch! Oh, but they were so determined!”

Your ears involuntarily perk up, as you listen to Tsireya’s story. It’s really the first thing she tells you that intrigues you. Encouraged by your interest, Tsireya continues.

“You will recognize them right away. They are blue,” she giggles, covering her mouth, “But they have been accepted and are a part of the Metkayina now. I am very happy they’re here.”

A faint memory of blue-skinned hands supporting you reappears.

“When I arrived… Was it a forester who caught me?” you ask.

“That’s right! Neteyam,” Tsireya nods, “He is the oldest son. You might have hurt yourself if he didn’t catch you in time.”

“Neteyam” you repeat to yourself.

Tsireya tells you just a little more about the foresters, until her brother Ao’nung fetches her back home.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

On your third morning of isolation, Tsireya visits you with a girl, who seems to be around her age. It’s not hard to guess that she is a forest Na’vi, her blue skin and yellow eyes giving it away immediately. But there’s something else you notice about her: she has an extra finger on each of her hands. You think back on the demons that had five fingers, and feel a shiver run down your spine. When she notices you staring at her, she hides her hands behind her back.

“This is Kiri, Kiri this is Y/N,” Tsireya introduces you with a smile, “Kiri is from the forest. Remember I told you about the family?”

Kiri doesn’t seem to be as talkative as Tsireya, perhaps even a bit shy. You greet each other but she keeps her distance, clearly still uncomfortable around you. Despite her similarity with the sky demons, you feel like you can trust her. Kiri is strangely beautiful, not like your sister or Tsireya, but there’s something about her that fascinates you. You’ve never really seen a forester up close before, so…

“Is your voice back?” Tsireya grabs your attention, kneeling next to you.

“I think so,” you breathe out, “It’s getting there.”

“Oh, it has gotten much better! I can’t wait to hear it, once you’re fully well. I bet you have a great singing voice,” she beams, and Kiri lets out a chuckle. You can’t help but smile at that.

It takes some time for Kiri to warm up to you. With the Tsahik’s approval, Tsireya took over today’s checkup on you. She knows the order of the balms by heart and works in confidence, while Kiri watches. From time to time, Kiri gives her a recommendation, and Tsireya gladly engages.

“Were you a tsakarem as well?” you ask Kiri.

“I used to be. My grandmother is the Tsahik of Omatikaya,” Kiri sighs with slight disappointment.

“And since you moved here, you can’t do that anymore?” you continue logically. She nods.

“My grandmother had to find somebody else to replace me, right before we left.”

You notice how Tsireya throws a sad look at her but Kiri only reacts with a forced smile. She doesn’t like to be pitied.

“Actually, Kiri’s doing better than all of us,” Tsireya suddenly adds with a proud smile, “Kiri has a special connection with the Great Mother.”

“It’s not a big deal, really,” Kiri protests but Tsireya shakes her head, disagreeing.

“When we were out swimming the other day, we suddenly lost Kiri. We were looking for her for hours and found her asleep at the very bottom. Even the most skilled Metkayina swimmers can’t stay in the water with no air for so long!” Tsireya articulates with her hands to convince you, “And she was completely fine. Oh! And Kiri can also make fish follow her, it’s so funny!”

Tsireya giggles recalling the memory, and for the first time, Kiri joins her.

“You have to show me, I’ve never seen anything like that,” you smile.

“We’ll go together this evening. I know you’ll be fully recovered by then,” Tsireya excitedly claps her hands. Kiri only nods.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Tsireya was right. By the evening, you have confirmation from Ronal, and you’re free to explore the village with her daughter as your guide. You find that while Awa’atlu is not similar to your village, it’s also not too different. But the water around the island seems calmer than what you are used to. It makes you slightly anxious.

Tsireya tries very hard to make you feel at home. She introduces you to everyone on your way, including her brother’s friends. Among them, you notice another forester who doesn’t stare at you like the locals do. Even when you catch his gaze, he doesn't seem overly curious. Just like Kiri, keeping his distance.

That’s Lo’ak, Tsireya reminds you, the third forest-child. It takes a fool not to catch on the chemistry between her and Lo’ak. The way she talks to him almost makes your teeth hurt, while he gets shy every time he is caught staring at her. But they seem to pretend to be just friends in a social setting.

Now joined by Ao’nung, his friends and Kiri, you all go swimming together. Tsireya and Kiri walk protectively next to you, with the boys ahead.

“Let’s see if you can swim faster than Lo’ak,” Ao'nung teases you, his friends laughing. Lo’ak playfully hits him in the arm.

“She’s from a water clan, you skxawng,” Kiri comes to your defense, and you have to suppress a smile.

“I didn’t mean to anger you, oh daughter of Eywa,” Ao'nung continues to tease, pretending to kneel in front of Kiri, “Please have mercy on me!”

Kiri rolls her eyes, and shoves him, as she walks ahead. You catch Ao'nung watching after her, and exchange a knowing smile with Tsireya.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Swimming helps you regain strength in your body and in your mind. Just the way you noticed, the water here was calmer than back home, relaxing the soreness out of your muscles. This was going to be your new home. Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad.

Surprisingly, the boys’ teasing doesn’t bother you. While Kiri jumps to your defense ever so often, you think it was more of a distraction than anything else to you. As the sun starts setting, you float on your back, watching the sky, the painful memories slipping away. Your moment of peace is interrupted by shouting coming from the shore. Your ears perk up at the sound of your name, and with a hope that it might be someone from your village, coming back for you, you quickly turn to look. But it’s not. Instead, you see a tall blue-skinned Na’vi, waving you over.

“Y/N! Tonowari wants to see you!” he shouts again.

“It’s Neteyam, come on,” Tsireya passes by you, swimming to the shoreline. You follow her.

Once closer, you can see Neteyam more clearly. He greets both of you with a warm smile, his intricately braided hair swaying around, as he moves.

“Father wants to see Y/N?” Tsireya asks, as she gathers her long hair to squeeze out the water.

“I saw him on my way over here,” he says, his soft gaze lingering on you, “He wanted me to get the ‘new girl’ to talk to him.”

Unlike his brother, Neteyam seems to be more intrigued by your presence, his gaze sweeping over your features, one by one, as if trying to memorize them. While it’s not as intrusive as others’ staring, you find his attention to be way too forward. You protectively cross your arms on your chest.

“I’m Neteyam, by the way,” he offers you a formal greeting, that you’re forced to reciprocate.

“Y/N.”

“I guessed so,” he chuckles, like it’s the most obvious thing you could have said, “Everyone knows about you.”

Tsireya interrupts your exchange by gently pulling you by your wrist.

“Come, Y/N, I’ll walk you to our home,” she smiles, then throws a look over her shoulder, “By the way, Lo’ak is currently getting talked to into sneaking out at night to swim with Payakan.”

You see Neteyam’s face change, as his warm smile gives way to anger, and he turns on his heel, heading towards the water.

“Lo’ak!” you hear him shout before diving in. Tsireya giggles beside you.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

When you first sit down in front of Tonowari, you can’t help but feel dwarfed by his intimidating presence. So you’re grateful when Tsireya asks if she can stay in the room with you. Tonowari’s gaze softens, unable to deny his daughter, and Tsireya gives you a reassuring smile before blending into the shadows.

You’re not surprised that he wanted to talk to you. Sure, he was aware of what had happened from your first interaction, and from Ronal, who gathered more information while you were under her care, but he wanted to clarify every detail. You take a deep breath and begin to recount everything.

Tonowari rarely interrupts you to ask questions but for the most part he simply listens with unwavering attention. You see his expression change from understanding to concerned, the more he hears.

“Was there any warning to their attack?” he frowns.

“Nothing,” you shake your head, trying to get rid of the painful memories, “My theory is… whoever they were looking for, our village was the first one to suffer. We heard nothing from the neighboring clans, so I’m guessing it’s only because we are on the very eastern coast.”

“You think they’re moving from east to west?” he asks. You nod.

“It’s why I came here, really. I think your village is quite far from ours.”

Tonowari hums, deep in thought. You sit in silence for a while, another reason nagging at you. You’re not sure if you need to tell him this but you do.

“And because I used to hear about your village. My sister and I lost my mother when we were kids but we knew that she wasn’t a local back home,” you hesitate before continuing, “My sister thinks she would have relatives from here.”

“It’s not impossible,” Tonowari nods his head, “We heard many stories of Na’vi from different clans mating and moving across the islands. We might even find someone from your mother’s family.”

You hear Tsireya’s soft gasp, clearly the thought of it appearing more intriguing to her than to you. You nod to express gratitude but you’re not really sure you want to meet anyone. It’s always been just you and your sister, no one can replace her.

“And you said they were looking for him, huh?”

“Jake Sully? Yes, he’s the reason they attacked us,” you answer, feeling your face flush with anger, “They had weapons, and were shooting anyone who resisted or tried to run. Then they started to burn our homes, repeating his name over and over again. There was also a human kid with them who translated.”

Tonowari’s face falls so suddenly, you would have thought that he has been hiding Jake Sully himself this whole time. You hope that wherever that man is, the sky demons find him before they can reach you. Tears begin to well up in your eyes. Tonowari notices and leans in.

“Don’t worry, child. We do not want war, but if they come here, we will be protecting our land and our Na’vi. Including you,” he hesitates before patting your head, “You’re one of us now.”

You lean into his touch, allowing him to slightly mess up your hair.

“For now, let’s keep this to ourselves, so that there is no panic. I have to think.”

You take that as a signal to stand up, and quickly wipe your eyes before Tsireya can see.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

That night you can’t seem to fall asleep. It feels lonely in your marui, and you start considering asking to be moved to a more crowded location. You turn on your mat a few times before catching a movement of two shadows on the other side of the wall. You sit up alerted, looking out. Eventually voices catch your ear.

“Lo’ak, if you don’t come back right now, I will wake up dad,” somebody whispers.

“He doesn’t care anyway, he’ll only get mad at his favorite,” you hear Lo’ak, and see one of the two shadows disappear.

The other shadow stands still, still in front of your wall. You don’t have to guess that it’s probably his brother Neteyam, whom you met earlier.

“Psst,” you hear his voice, his shadow moving.

And again. He moves closer to the entrance of your marui, as you stare in silence. What does he want?

“Y/N? Are you asleep?” you hear his very apparent accent.

“What?”

Your glance falls to his figure now leaning against the entrance to your room. He gives you a sheepish smile.

“What do you want?” you squint to make out his features. His eyes and freckles glow in the dark and you notice his ears perk up, as if he’s excited.

“It’s Neteyam,” he gestures to himself.

“I know,” you’re annoyed. You know who he is, does he think you can’t see him?

“Oh, right. I just didn’t want to scare you, so I…”

“Starting with ‘psst” certainly didn’t help,” you bite, “Shouldn’t you be checking on your brother anyway?”

“Technically, I can’t do anything except wait. Then, if it gets suspiciously long, I follow him,” he grins like it’s the funniest thing.

You stare at him quietly, wondering what he's doing in your room, in the middle of the night. Neteyam shifts uncomfortably under your gaze.

“Uh, right. Sorry if we woke you up,” he scratches his head, “I was going to check on you anyway, just didn’t mean to at this hour.”

“Why would you check on me?” you frown.

“I thought you might like someone to talk to you, about moving and stuff.”

“I can talk about it to Tsireya, I’m fine.”

“I know, she’s nice,” Neteyam crouches down, to bring himself on your eye level. He looks embarrassed, “But she thought it would be a good idea for me to talk to you.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re both new here. You see, my family and I moved here a few months ago -”

“I know,” you interrupt him.

“And I get what you’re going through.”

This frustrates you. According to Tsireya, Neteyam is the son of the sixth Toruk Makto. She didn’t tell you much but they left their clan on their own, they wanted a fresh start. As far as you can tell, you and him had nothing in common. You were forced out of your home and had to give up on your life without a choice. How can he get what you’re going through? He has a family. You have no one.

“Just because we’re both outlanders doesn’t mean that you have to pretend to relate to me, Neteyam. We’re not the same,” it comes out more aggressive than you intended. You notice his ears lower, along with his gaze, “I don’t need a forest boy teaching me the way of water. You’re not my savior.”

Neteyam’s face falls, like you hit a cord with your words. But he didn’t mean to offend you, he only meant good. From the moment he saw you, he thought he recognized something familiar in your expression: longing for home. So when Tsireya suggested one of the foresters befriending you, he thought that you would easily get along. Right now, though, this seemed like a horrible idea.

“Not trying to be a savior, just a friend,” he mumbles, standing up, “Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You scoff, as Neteyam walks out without a glance back.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

The morning is disturbed by the loud sounds of horns, announcing something important. You quickly walk out of your marui to find groups of Na’vi heading towards the center of the village. Tsireya told you that it’s where her father calls for meetings. When you spot Kiri, moving along, you join her. She’s holding hands with a kid.

“Hey, Y/N, this is Tuktirey,” Kiri gestures.

“Tuk,” the kid corrects with a smile and greets you.

“Nice to meet you,Tuk,” you smile back. Judging by her skin, you guess that Tuk belongs to the family of foresters.

“So, should I be worried?” you ask Kiri, motioning to the Na’vi in front of you. It’s really a little crowded for your liking.

“Not sure,” she admits, “These announcements confuse me, I can’t tell when it’s good or bad thing. Often it’s nothing bad though, don’t worry.”

Despite Kiri’s reassurance, you approach the center with a feeling of worry. The feeling in your gut is confirmed as soon as you catch a glimpse of Tsireya with a troubled look on her face. You notice her holding someone’s hand. Blue, five fingers. You can’t see him but you’re sure it’s Lo’ak. When she meets your eye, you mouth to her.

“Is it bad?”

She shakes her head in disappointment. It’s very bad, you think.

When Tonowari clears his throat and steps into the center, everyone falls silent. He keeps it brief, retelling about the attack of the demons on your village. Tonowari suspects that it’s only a matter of time before the sky demons attack again, so everyone must be prepared. It is now prohibited to be alone in unsafe areas, going out in the open water, or too deep into the trees.

You feel knots forming in your stomach, when panicked questions pour on him.

“The Metkayina needs to be prepared for any outcome, even war,” Tonowari raises his voice again, “Start proofing armors, repair your weapons. Always be on the lookout.”

“This is crazy,” Kiri whispers to you, “I can’t believe that we escaped here to live in fear again.”

It confuses you. You knew that her family moved to live with Metkayina but Tsireya didn’t tell you why. It is bizarre now that you remember that Kiri’s father is Toruk Makto. Why would he leave his home? You make a mental note to question her about it once you’re alone.

“Kiri, are we going to leave again?” Tuk tugs at her sister with a sniff.

“Mawey, Tuk,” a gentle voice replies instead, as a hand slips around Tuk, caressing her cheeks, “Tuk, Tuk, Tuk.”

Your eyes follow. It’s a tall beautiful woman with bright yellow eyes. You can’t shake off the feeling of how familiar she looks.

“My mom,” Kiri says to you, “Neytiri.”

Right. She looks very similar to Neteyam. Neytiri’s eyes flicker to you, and she graces you with a smile. You bow to greet her.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Once dismissed, you and Kiri fall into the same pace. You don’t talk but you instinctively follow her to the beach, where a group was seated, working on their weapons. Tsireya, Lo’ak, Neteyam, Ao'nung, and Ao'nung’s friend Roxto. You and Kiri sit with them, closing the circle. Sensing that the silence is caused by the same reason you’re feeling anxious, you follow their example and take out your knife. You didn’t have a polishing rock like the others, so instead you focus on reattaching the loosened up string to the handle. You feel Neteyam’s watching you but once you catch him, he looks away.

Kiri meddles with her belt, deep in her thoughts, and you can tell she’s just as anxious as you are.

“Okay, I’m going to say what I think,” Kiri breaks the silence, grabbing everyone’s attention, “This is not good, right? There’s something else they’re not telling us.”

Tsireya’s eyes snap to you but both of you remain quiet.

“No shit, Kiri,” Lo’ak mocks her.

“Shut up, skxawng,” she reaches forward to slap him.

“Hey, you two,” Neteyam gently pushes Kiri away from his brother.

You notice how the younger siblings shoot him an annoyed look but calm down anyway. Last night, Neteyam didn’t seem to hold much power over Lo’ak but right now it appeared that he had some sort of authority. It’s like the possibility of danger made the dynamic between them shift.

“Nothing’s going to happen, they’re probably lying so that the youngsters stop sneaking out to the forest at night,” Roxto breaks the silence with a snort, then looks at you for support, “Come on, if it was that serious we would be probably doing much more right now.”

There’s some truth to his words, you think. Tonowari did not even come close to explaining how dangerous it could get. Taking measures, like staying within the perimeters of the islans, is hardly something that would keep you safe. Deep in your thought, you continue tightening the string. Neteyam shoots you another glance, and when you look back up, he pushes his polishing stone towards you. You nod at him in appreciation, as you take the tool.

“It’s because of your conversation yesterday with my father, right?” Ao'nung suddenly asks, turning to you. Tsireya tsks at her brother but you sense it is too late.

“Y/N? What do you know?” Kiri adds, concerned.

You sigh, feeling their eyes on you, examining your every small movement. You can almost hear Tsireya’s quiet gasp, as you open your mouth to answer.

“Look, I’m not supposed to tell you this, so keep it to yourself… It’s bad. The demons had many powerful weapons, it took them minutes to burn down my whole village. I don’t know how strong the defense can even be to keep them away. It’s going to be an unfair fight.”

“What do they want? The islands?” Ao'nung pushes for more information.

“They’re looking for a man, who they think is hiding in a water clan,” you answer, noticing how everyone’s ears perk up.

“Do you know who he is?” Lo’ak asks.

“Lo’ak, don’t -” Tsireya tries to interrupt him.

“His name is Jake Sully,” your voice turns with anger, “I’m not sure what he did to them but they were set on killing him. And killing anyone who’s protecting him.”

Dead silence hangs over you, and you suspect that there’s something they’re not telling you. The forest-siblings hang their heads, and you notice Tsireya squeezing Lo’ak’s hand.

“Wait, so they’re looking for your dad,” Roxto turns to Kiri, “They’re looking for you.”

“Your dad?” you turn to Kiri, “Is Jake Sully your dad?”

Kiri nods, almost ashamed. You feel your throat hurt, as realization washes over you. You escaped exactly where Jake Sully was. It was his kids now sitting in front of you, in their new home, enjoying their care-free life, while your village was burned down to the ground.

“It’s your dad!” you feel anger escalating. You stand up, “I’ve lost everything because of him! The demons thought we were hiding him but he was here all this time!”

“Y/N, it’s the demons’ fault,” Tsireya stands up too, trying to calm you down, “He only wanted to keep his family safe, he doesn’t want war.”

“We didn’t want war either, but here we are,” you throw your hands in the air, feeling your body shake out of resentment.

“My father has done nothing wrong,” Neteyam stands up as well, his voice low.

“Your father is wrong for hiding here, while the other clans are at risk of being wiped out!” you’re so frustrated, you wish this was a joke they were playing on you.

But why isn’t anyone agreeing with you? You look at their faces for support but no one dares to speak. Lo’ak keeps his head hanging, and Kiri storms off without a word. A chuckle of disbelief escapes from your lips.

“I guess the great Toruk Makto isn’t that great after all,” you throw bitterly. Neteyam clenches his jaw.

“Y/N, don’t say that. He just wants peace,” Tsireya starts again.

“We all want peace!” you protest.

“You think it’s so easy, huh? You think he’s hiding?” Neteyam raises his voice at you, “He’s not to blame for their vengeance!”

You hiss at him, more angered. How dare he protect the man who caused all of the chaos? How can they ignore the fact that soon enough they will be losing their homes just like you did?

“It is easy!” you hiss again, “Let him go out there and face them alone, before they burn down this village too!”

“That’s unfair, I’m not losing my dad,” he growls.

“I lost my home!”

You’re not sure how things escalate this quickly but one second you’re at a distance growling at each other, and in another instance you lunge at him, catching him off guard. Neteyam falls on his back, as you hold him down with your legs but he’s quick enough to catch your arms before you can even touch him. You hear concerned voices in the background but your only focus is punching him.

The two of you snarl, and as you struggle to free your arms from his grip, he flips you over. Your back hits the ground with a sharp pain but it gives you just enough room to kick him in the gut. Neteyam winces in pain, yet quickly regains his composure by pinning you down, this time paying special attention to having your knees locked together.

“Skxawng,” you let out, frustrated.

He doesn’t hit you back but he does just enough to stop you from moving, his skin feeling hot against yours.

“Dude, dude,” Lo’ak runs up to him, putting his arms over his shoulders, “Get off her.”

“Not unless she calms down,” Neteyam hisses, completely unaware of the group of adults headed towards the two of you. You try to move but he pins you down again.

You catch a glimpse of Roxto and Ao'nung chuckling at the fight, while Tsireya covers her mouth in concern. Then, you spot Neytiri.

“Neteyam!” she shouts. Neteyam pauses at the sound of her voice, ears perking up.

“Shit,” Lo’ak whispers, backing away, “Neteyam, get off.”

“That’s right, get off me, you skxawng,” you say, humiliated by the position he put you in.

Defeated and angry, Neteyam shoots you a quick look, before finally releasing you from his grip. You huff out of frustration, as you sit up, trying to recover your breath. By the time Neytiri approaches the scene, Neteyam’s already standing with his head hanging low. Lo’ak stands a little behind, as if to avoid the confusion of who’s at fault.

Neytiri’s eyes run you up and down, then examine her sons, as if trying to piece together what happened. She remains quiet, before kneeling down in front of you, and taking your hand in hers. You’re all surprised by her gentle demeanor.

“Are you hurt?” she asks you, lifting your arm to examine it. Then moves to get a look at your back.

“I’m good,” you shake your head, freeing yourself from her grasp.

“Neteyam,” Neytiri stands up, now turning to her son, anger evident in her voice, “Apologize. Now.”

“Mom, they were just joking,” Lo’ak tries to tone down the situation but she shuts him up by raising her hand.

Without a second of hesitation, Neteyam nods and meets your eyes, before saying loudly for everyone to hear.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” you hiss, annoyed.

“Mother, can we go now?” Lo’ak asks.

Neytiri nods, and three of them walk away. Soon enough, you can hear her scolding her oldest son. Tsireya runs up to you, helping you up to your feet.

“Y/N, are you hurt? You just recovered!” she sounds genuinely upset.

“I’m not hurt, he didn’t do anything.”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about that. I didn’t know,” she lowers her eyes to the ground, “Not until the talk you had with my father.”

“I know, I don’t blame you,” you sigh, “But why would you send him to talk to me?”

“I thought he could help,” she explains, hoping you’d understand, “Lo’ak is not talkative, and Kiri’s hasn’t been taking the change very well. Neteyam’s the only one who likes it here. So I thought he’d be the best to talk to.”

You nod. She makes a good point. But his whole attitude, the pretentious novelty, it pisses you off. Acting tough and proper when his mother is around, but in reality, selfish. He doesn’t care that you’ve lost everything because of his father. He has a new home he likes. And siblings, and parents... You feel jealous.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You are a good hunter. You have a good aim, and you’re fast. You used to think that you would be a good asset in danger but the way you froze, when you were attacked by the demons, makes you hesitant. What if that happens again? What if you come face-to-face with them and freeze?

The air outside of your room is refreshingly cold. You watch the dark sky hang over the sleepy Awa’atlu. In an attempt to clear your head, you start wandering around the village, eventually stopping at the terrace blending into the beach. Your ears perk up at faint voices, and as your eyes follow, you find two Na’vi by the water, oblivious to your presence. It looks like they are pretending to wrestle each other, letting out occasional laughs. You recall your earlier not-so-pretend fight with Neteyam and sigh out of frustration, taking a seat on the grass.

As one throws the other one to the ground, you think you recognize Neteyam. He laughs, swaying his hair, then gives a hand to help out his companion to his feet. The other Na’vi is taller than him, with broader shoulder, longer hair. Your breath catches in your throat, as you guess who that might be.

“Yeah, that’s him,” you hear a confirmation, and almost jump up.

Lo’ak is standing next to you, his gaze forward.

“Jake Sully?”

“My dad,” he confirms again.

You turn your attention back to the two Na’vi wrestling, and you watch them for a moment. Eventually, Lo’ak sits down next to you.

“Neteyam’s his favorite,” he says, “He’s the perfect son. The mighty warrior.”

“The mighty warrior?” you repeat.

“He likes to call himself that,” Lo’ak explains, “To piss me off.”

“Does it work?”

“Yeah,” he chuckles, “It pisses me off.”

“Why aren’t you pissed off at me?” you turn to face to him.

“Why aren’t you?” he asks in return, “You’re angry at Neteyam but not at me.”

You pause. You’re not really sure why Lo’ak joining you didn’t frustrate you, the way Neteyam’s presence would. Maybe it’s because Lo’ak seemed guilty earlier. He didn’t stand up for his dad, so there must be something both of you agree on.

“He pisses me off too,” you answer, turning your gaze back to Neteyam in the distance, “I don’t like when people pretend to care. Because once something threatens their peace, they really show how they don’t give a crap about you.”

“Neteyam doesn’t pretend about caring,” Lo’ak disagrees, “Sure, he pretends all the time but not when it comes to caring. He cares.”

“Not about me anyway,” you scoff.

Lo’ak falls silent. You got him there, you had a point. Thoughts race through your mind, as you try to comprehend what to make of this. Perhaps you judged too quickly, not knowing the whole story. What if it was your sister? Would you be willing to put at risk the peace of your village to protect her? No, that would never happen. She would face the enemy herself, not even letting you have a say in the matter.

“My father is not a bad guy,” Lo’ak interrupts your thoughts, “I’m not saying that he does everything right but… we’re all he got.”

You don’t react. You don’t really want to hear him justify his dad, make him seem vulnerable.

“He turned down his whole life for my mom. Left everything he believed in behind because he wanted to be with her,” Lo’ak continues, “Even became one of us… He is one of us.”

“Is that why…” you instinctively glance at his fingers, and Lo’ak shifts, “Is it true? Tsireya said that Eywa blessed him.”

He nods. You let out a tired sigh. It’s exhausting to think about it. His father was blessed by Eywa, he is the Toruk Makto. Who are you to disagree with the Great Mother?

“I don’t know anymore,” you admit defeated, “I just don’t think it’s fair… that others get punished. More harm can be avoided.”

“I know,” Lo’ak agrees with you, “But the demons are stronger, they never give up. We woke up to war every day back home.”

You listen to him with curiosity. You don’t know much about their past life but you wonder if the war really was a constant in the forest.

“It’s why we moved, you know?” his voice hitches, “My father knew that they were never going to let us live peacefully, so we tried hiding here instead.”

You hum. You’re not sure if it’s the tiredness creeping up on you, or genuine empathy, but you feel sorry for Lo’ak. He seems to feel at fault for the consequences of his father’s choices. It’s almost like he speaks more to himself than to you. Justifies things to ease his heart.

“Seems like they’re done,” Lo’ak gets up, “I’m gonna go before dad catches me sneaking out.”

You force a small smile, as you watch Jake and Neteyam dust the sand off their bodies. It takes you a while to move from your spot, but not quickly enough, as Neteyam spots you from a distance. He keeps his eyes on you, and you can almost feel your blood boil.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

For the next few days, things change rapidly. You notice that everyone is busy with their chores, rushing, and preparing, the feeling of danger weighing down on them. Tonowari orders for the hunters and skilled fighters to divide into pairs, assigning them to guard the island every night. Divers work on protective armors for their ilus. There is a big shift in the air.

Speaking about these measures to Tsireya gives you an unsettling feeling. You don’t talk about the Sully’s to her, even though they’re constantly on your mind. You just can’t believe that Tonowari agrees to protect them.

Tsireya’s still hesitant to bring them up when you question her about her father’s plans, even though you’re well aware that Jake Sully actively participates in the matters of protection. She doesn’t know that it’s been keeping you up every night. To trust this man to protect you, when he is the reason for the attacks. His name alone forces painful visions of your sister and her mate, crouched down on the sand, with a weapon pointed at them.

“Have you talked to Kiri, since the…?” Tsireya starts hesitantly. You haven’t. It upsets you because in a short time, you had begun to see Kiri as a friend.

“Not really,” you hang your head, “I didn’t want to attack her, it’s just…”

“I’m sure she knows,” Tsireya nods, “She protects her father but she feels guilty too. When she heard about your fight with Neteyam, she kind of scolded him.”

Tsireya bites down on her lip, hiding a small smile. You can’t really help a smile stretching your lips too. You would have loved to see Neteyam getting scolded. Just the thought of it makes you feel a little better.

“I feel bad, it’s not her fault,” you admit.

“Maybe you two can talk it out?” Tsireya asks hopefully.

“Maybe.”

“I’ll let her know.”

Unlike the other siblings, you’ve seen plenty of Lo’ak in the past few days. Mostly because you’re only hanging out with Tsireya, and, well, Lo’ak wants to be around her. It’s silly excuses, when they sneak away, leaving you alone. She even got in trouble for wandering with him around the guarded areas.

Lo’ak doesn’t make you feel awkward. The two of you don’t really talk but neither of you feels pressured to. You like to think that you and him reached some sort of understanding the other night. Partially, you feel bad for him for having Jake Sully for his father, and Neteyam, as his older brother. As a younger sister to Tsahik, you can relate to the pressure of always reaching for, yet never getting it all.

But when it comes to seeing Neteyam in the village... The angry looks that you exchange with him when passing each other just make your whole body ache. You barely hold yourself back from hissing at him. It’s bad. You already had not one, but two people you hated.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

That evening, when you return to your marui, you’re surprised to find Kiri waiting for you. She stands up, as you approach, and the two of you look at each other for a moment before you pull her into a hug.

“I didn’t mean to yell at you, the other day,” you admit, pulling away from her, “It’s not your fault.”

“I get it,” she sighs, “If I were you, I’d be mad. I’m kind of mad now.”

While you dreaded this conversation, it goes quite smoothly with Kiri. You don’t feel judgment on her side for disagreeing with her father. You think it’s unfair that the only person who makes you feel less of an outsider has to be the daughter of Jake Sully.

“I feel angry because I can’t get used to the thought of just sitting here and waiting?” you finish on a higher note, hoping that she can relate, “Because while we’re here, the demons are killing innocent Na’vi. Village by village. It’s terrifying. I just wish I could do something to protect them.”

Kiri nods and stares off into the distance, deep in her thoughts. You can feel the guilt she beares on her shoulders but she fights it to protect her family. Suddenly, she turns her head, yellow eyes glistening, like she has the brightest solution.

“Y/N, how well do you know the islands?” she asks.

“Um, there are about hundreds of them but I know roughly where the settlements."

“So if we wanted to warn them about the intruders, do you think you would be able to map them out and guide us there?”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Now that you think about it, you feel like a fool for not figuring it out earlier. Why didn’t anyone?

Sure, news would travel between neighboring villages but you were forgetting that the Awa’atlu was on the very far ends of the islands. And, by the time the others were warned about the possible attacks, there would be nothing left.

When you and Kiri propose the idea of swimming to the islands, and first-hand warning their Olo’eyktans, Tonowari hesitates. Not many in his clan are familiar with the other settlements, especially within the Eastern reefs, and underestimating the time frames could cost him lives.

“We don’t have to warn everyone, just as many as we can,” you plead, “And what if we the close-located clans fight back in unions. Surely, they would respect your advice as the Olo'eyktan.”

“It worked when Toruk Makto did it,” Tonowari hums in agreement, “It would be difficult to unionize all of the islands but there is a better chance of surviving for smaller unions.”

“They at least deserve to know what’s coming, please,” you push further, and eventually gain an approving nod from him.

Quickly, small groups of the best Metkayina swimmers are formed to be assigned for the realization of the plan. While most of them are familiar with the neighboring islands, you’re the one mapping out the Eastern Sea settlements for them. And although Tonowari immediately turns down your offer of joining them, you feel slightly better for at least contributing.

You go over your roughly drawn map on the sand one more time with the final group of three Metkayina swimmers, your goal to ensure that they are aware of the safest paths to approach the villages. The group is gathered around you, listening carefully, and as you talk, you feel someone watching you from afar. It’s Neteyam. You take a moment to refocus before finding the track of your words again.

“Thank you, Y/N, we got it from here,” Sokxot, one of the swimmer says, when you finish up.

You stay to watch as they swim away on their ilus, in your mind, praying to Eywa to guide them safely to their destination. When you think you’re left alone, you’re surprised to find Neteyam here. You frown at him. What does he want? Intimidate you with his staring? You’re taken aback when he decides to approach you.

“Y/N,” his greets you with a calm voice, then points to the map you drew, “This was your idea?”

“Kiri’s,” you correct him.

“Still, you helped a lot,” Neteyam stares at the map, as if trying to memorize it. You roll your eyes at him.

“Guess I don’t like sitting and waiting for danger,”

“I really hope this makes a difference,” he says, sounding almost sincere.

You watch after him as he walks away, and let out a sigh. The two of you were too grown to act like kids.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

On the third day since their departure, two groups of Metkayina swimmers return with updates. Tonowari immediately calls for a meeting, and it's revealed that a significant number of villages have already been warned of the impending danger. The warned clans also started sending out their own swimmers, forming a whole network between the hundreds of villages.

But more importantly, you had the first case of a union between three smaller clans on the Eastern islands that managed to prepare just in time for the attack. Taken aback by the preparedness of Na’vi, the sky demons suffered greatly in numbers. Of course, the clans had casualties, but they managed to force the enemy to back away, and keep their homes safe.

It's the first good news that the Metkayina have heard in weeks, and you can see the happiness on their faces. You feel a sense of satisfaction with what you've achieved, and even Tonowari can't help but sneak a smile as he urges everyone to remain careful and calm.

To celebrate your little victory, Tsireya invites you to swim with her and the rest of her friends somewhere special. You didn’t mind that the Sully’s, especially Neteyam, were joining. You thought you would ignore him and allow yourself to enjoy being a little carefree.

Tsireya takes you to a sacred place - the Cove of Ancestors, where you could express your gratitude to Eywa by the Spirit Tree. Mesmerized by the beauty of it all, you can’t stop looking around. And judging by the reaction of the Sully kids, it’s probably their first time here too. Tsireya excitedly watches your faces, when showing you the Spirit Tree from afar. Underneath the surface of water, its roots glow with unique undertones, breathing in and out.

“Tsireya, this is incredible,” you awe, as she gives you a giddy smile.

“Come,” she waves you over, disappearing under the water.

With Tsireya, Kiri, Lo’ak, and Ao’nung disappear too. Distracted by the sight around you, you fall a little behind, and find yourself not too far from Neteyam. He is not a bad swimmer but he is definitely slow compared to you.

You’re not really thinking about it, when you stay back to watch him. It’s almost entertaining how greedily his eyes take in the surroundings, seeming almost golden in this light. A smile tugs at your lips.

Your skin shivers, as a cool wind wraps around your body. Then you notice it. A single woodsprite appears in the air, flying around you and grazing your skin. You feel blessed to witness a sign of the Great Mother, but as you reach out to gently touch it, it moves away. Your smile fades, when the seed starts floating around Neteyam’s head. Is Eywa trying to tell you something? Maybe you were being too harsh with him.

With another blow of the wind, the woodsprite disappears, leaving Neteyam completely oblivious to what just happened. When he turns around and meets your gaze, your throat tightens. His expression is unreadable. What is he thinking?

“I should probably catch up with the rest,” you clear your throat.

Neteyam only nods, and as you swim past him, it almost seems like you catch a hint of disappointment on his face. You can’t be distracted by the sign right now.

When you reach the Tree and submerge, you find Tsireya, Lo’ak, and Ao'nung already linking their queues to the roots. Trying not to disturb them, you quietly swim to the opposite side, bringing out your queue. From the corner of your eye, you spot Neteyam but you decide to ignore him.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Words cannot describe how healed you feel, when you open your eyes. As if your inner and outer worlds have finally merged again, making you whole. With a smile, you swim up to the surface to reunite with the rest of the group, ready to share your happiness, when you notice troubled expressions on their faces.

“Did anyone see Kiri before we came here?” Lo’ak asks, and everyone shakes their heads, “Shit, Neteyam.”

“She said she’d swim a bit more before joining us by the Tree,” Tsireya replies.

“Alright, everyone, let’s divide and start looking for her,” Neteyam orders, calling out to his ilu.

It doesn’t take much convincing, as quickly, one by one, all of you get on your ilus and disperse.

Tsireya’s story about Kiri falling asleep in the water resurfaces in your mind. It happened before, right? Kiri is probably fine, you try to convince yourself, but you can’t help the nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach.

As you swim up for a breath, you take a deep dive again, determined to search for Kiri in the depths of the water. Silent prayers to Eywa express your gratitude, when your gaze is drawn to a small figure hidden between tall leaves. Your heart skips a beat as you realize what you are seeing: Kiri's whole body is glowing with an otherworldly light. In all your years, you have never seen anything quite like it.

Noticing that she has begun to violently shake, you quickly swim to Kiri, and gently pull her queue away, forcing her body to go limp. Desperately, you try to get her out of the leaves, but it seems that the harder you try, the tighter they grip her limbs.

Your mind starts racing, and panic begins to set in, when you suddenly see a pair of hands cutting down the leaves around Kiri's body with a small knife. Right, a knife! You take out yours and start helping. With the last of the leaves cut, Kiri's body begins to float upwards. Neteyam quickly wraps his arm around her middle, and signals for you to follow, as he places her on his ilu and swims to the surface.

You race after him, your heart pounding in your chest. As you break the surface, Neteyam’s already positioning Kiri’s body on a flat rock, gently shaking her. You join him, noting how calm and collected he seems.

“Neteyam, there’s something wrong. She was still linked and shaking, when I found her,” your voice breaks.

“Shit,” he curses, and checks for Kiri’s breath.

You watch as he starts performing something strange: Neteyam breathes air into Kiri’s mouth, then starts counting as he presses down on her chest in an unfamiliar rhythm. A wave of fear washes over you, when you notice his hands start shaking.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Neteyam curses again, “Help me, please.”

“I don’t know what to do, Neteyam,” you panic, “She’s not breathing!”

“When I stop pressing, just try to breathe out as much air as you can into her mouth,” he orders, and continues counting.

“Alright, alright,” you try to calm yourself down.

You do your best following his instructions, and it seems to put him back on track too. But as time drags on, and Kiri still doesn't respond, both of you begin to feel a sense of despair.

Just as you're about to give up hope, Kiri moves weakly beneath you, and finally takes a breath on her own. You let out a sigh of relief, tears streaming down your face.

“It worked,” Neteyam’s eyes glisten, as he checks for her breathing.

"We need to take her to Tsahik, right now," you breathe out, and he nods.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Everything afterwards happens in a blur of confusion. Your heart races, as you nervously pace around Tsahik’s marui, where Kiri is getting examined by a group of strangers: a Na’vi wearing human clothes, and two sky people who arrived on a flying ship. Jake and Neteyam are with them in the room, talking and talking, but you can’t quite understand.

There is a tension in the air when Neytiri returns with Ronal. She raises her voice at them, and before you can even begin to wonder what's going on, the men exit the marui, leaving the women alone. You catch a glimpse of Jake as he passes by you, and for a moment, you feel struck by his presence.

He looks tired and scared, like he has been suffering for a long time now. You recall your conversation with Lo’ak. While in your mind you are convinced that he is the bad guy, seeing him in this state makes you feel a twinge of sympathy for him.

“You don’t have to wait,” Neteyam pulls you out of your thoughts. His words are not necessarily ill-intended, but you still feel out of place.

“I want to make sure she’s alright,” you explain. Neteyam only nods, “What are they saying?”

He falls silent, as if contemplating whether he needs to reveal to you whatever he knows.

“She’s going to be better, right?” your voice hitches.

“Hey, hey,” he crouches down next to you, “Of course, she will. Kiri is very strong.”

It’s only a second of vulnerability showing on his side, before the usual mask slips back onto his face, and you can’t tell what he’s thinking. At all. Both of your attentions are quickly drawn back to the marui, when Ronal steps out. Jake rushes to her side, with Neteyam and you close on his heels.

“She is weak but the Great Mother granted her another chance,” Ronal answers, “Now, she needs her rest.”

“Thank you,” Jake expresses with sincerity in his voice, before disappearing into the marui. From the inside, you hear soft sobs. Neteyam hesitates to take a step, glancing back at you.

“Go in, see for yourself,” you encourage him, and he complies.

At the risk of interrupting their family moment, you sit down slightly far from the marui, waiting. You’re not sure how much time passes, when Jake walks out. You shift uncomfortably when he approaches you.

“Thank you, Y/N,” he clears his throat, as he crouches in front of you, “You saved my daughter.”

“I only found her,” you admit, “If it wasn’t for Neteyam…”

“You did well, you got to her just in time,” Jake interrupts, “Neteyam said that you even helped him with chest compressions.”

“I don’t know what that even was,” you genuinely chuckle. You only guessed it was something borrowed from the sky people.

“Yet you saved her, thank you,” he insists with a small smile.

You look at him, trying to read his face. There’s something in his eyes that suggests he’s being genuine. He breaks the silence again, this time his tone more careful.

“I know about your fight with Neteyam. He didn’t want to tell me the reason but I guessed it was something serious. There’s really not many things to get him to act like that.”

“I can’t possibly agree or understand your decisions,” you remain calm, despite the rushing heat to your face, “I think it’s unfair.”

“I know, I’m not always making the best decisions,” he shakes his head, “And I get why you don’t like me much but I can’t risk losing my family.”

“You don’t have to,” you interrupt, “If you just go out there alone, they’ll stop hurting everybody else.”

“I wish it had been that easy. I don’t even care about my own death anymore, but I just know it won’t be enough,” he seems defeated, “They will come for my family next. Everything that I care for, and more. They did once already.”

“But aren’t you the one they’re looking for?”

“It’s grown beyond vengeance at this point,” Jake shakes his head, “They caught Lo’ak and Kiri once, and Tuk… they had Tuk. If anything happened to them, I don’t know what I would have done. We barely got them out, it was…”

“Must have been terrifying,” you finish for him. You think back to your sister getting caught, held at a gunpoint, and your chest hurts with sudden empathy for him.

As a father, it must be times more terrifying for him to see his kids in the hands of an enemy. It makes sense now: the great Toruk Makto had a weak spot.

“I think I get it,” you nod in understanding, “When they captured my sister... I have never been more scared in my life. It still keeps me up every night.”

“I’m sorry,” Jake sighs, “Do you know if she’s…?”

“Alive? I don’t know. She promised to come looking for me, once it’s safe but it’s been weeks now,” your voice hitches, “When they were about to capture me, she pushed me out of the way, which really pissed them off. Especially their chief.”

“I hope you get to see her again,” Jake reaches out, to pat you on your shoulder. You let him, “It is honorable to sacrifice yourself for the other to live. Eywa will bless her for keeping you alive.”

“I feel like I failed her, hiding here,” you look away in an attempt to hide the tears filling up your eyes, “I should have stayed there.”

“It’s not your fault, kid, you did your best,” Jake gently touches your chin to turn your face back to him. When he notices your tears, his eyebrows knit together in worry, “She would be proud of you.”

A small sob escapes your lips, and you feel ashamed to break down in front of him. You’re caught off guard, when Jake pulls you into a hug. It’s strangely comforting how tight it feels in your throat, as you bury your face in his chest, letting yourself silently cry. You feel him pat you on the back, until you can finally slowly recover your breath.

“Dad?” Neteyam’s voice grabs both of your attention. He leans against the entrance of the marui, looking confused between the two of you.

You instantly pull away from Jake, hanging your head in a mix of strange emotions. It’s not every day that you receive comfort from the very person you thought was your enemy.

“I’ll be right there,” Jake says, standing up, “Do you want to see her, Y/N?”

You nod in gratitude, wiping away your tears before following Jake. As you enter, Neteyam gives you a puzzled look, like he’s trying to figure out what the hell you and his father were talking about. Your eyes land on Neytiri, sat by Kiri’s side, holding her hand in hers.

“How is she?” Jake asks, sitting down next to his mate and pulling her into his side.

“She is going to be better, once she rests,” Neytiri answers quietly, returning her eyes to Kiri, and stroking her cheek, “My child.”

You feel out of place in the presence of the Sully family. Just a few days ago, you thought you hated Jake, and now you find yourself caring for his family.

You suddenly realize that if he knows about your fight with Neteyam, then Neytiri surely knows too. You can't help but wonder if she hates you. Standing there, you feel like an intruder, interrupting their vulnerable moment.

“Y/N,” Neytiri's voice pulls you out of your thoughts, “Thank you for saving my child.”

“You did good, kid,” Jake adds, then turns his gaze to Neteyam, “Both of you.”

As you open your mouth to protest, Neytiri cuts you off with a firm tone.

“Get some rest. You too, Neteyam.”

As much as you want to say something, anything, there's a strange authority in Neytiri's voice that makes it impossible to disobey. It's strange because she reminds you of your mother - strong, stubborn, yet caring. You were never able to disobey your mother.

“It’s okay, kid, you can check on Kiri later,” Jake encourages.

With a grateful nod, you leave the marui. Neteyam silently follows you out.

“Um, I should probably go tell the others now,” he grabs your attention.

“Yes, Lo’ak must be worried,” you agree with him.

Lo’ak wasn’t allowed to be with you in the marui. He was staying with Tuk, until further instructions, whereas Tsireya and Ao'nung got scolded by their mother for not keeping an eye on Kiri, and were sent home right away. Neteyam and you were the only ones who were overlooked in the matter.

“Thank you for helping me back there,” he scratches his head, “If it wasn’t for you, I could’ve lost her.”

“I don’t think I deserve the credit here, ‘Teyam,” you pause.

Did you just call him by his nickname? ‘Teyam? Do you think you’re friends? Shit.

His eyes widen and you catch just a tiniest hint of a small smile before he bites down on his lip to hide it.

“Neteyam,” you correct yourself, “I froze when I couldn’t get her out of those leaves. I can’t believe I forgot about my knife.”

“Hey, and I panicked. But in the end, we kind of made a good team,” he snorts.

“Right,” you chuckle at the irony.

Because you’re both headed in the same direction, Neteyam and you walk together in silence. After a while, he catches your attention again.

“I saw you talking to my father,” he hesitates before meeting your eyes, “Can I ask you about it?”

“You can ask him if you want.”

“So it went badly?” Neteyam guesses.

“No, not half as bad as I expected,” you stop in your tracks, before admitting, “Actually, I think I kind of get it.”

Neteyam only nods but you’re not sure if he really understands the value behind your words. He hopes that it means a change of your perception but deep down, he still feels a little scared. You don’t talk for the rest of the way but you don’t seem bothered by his presence, your thoughts now occupied with the woodsprite you saw earlier. Maybe Eywa was right and the two of you can mend this after all.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“Y/N,” Tsireya’s soft voice wakes you up. She has a bright smile on her face, “Kiri’s awake! I thought you’d like to see her.”

Together, you make your way towards Tsahik’s marui, already noticing the Sully’s and friends coming and going. Tsireya pulls you along with her, but miscalculates her grip, causing you to bump into someone. It’s Neteyam. You can feel your cheeks flush with embarrassment.

“Mawey, Y/N,” he grins, as he steadies you by your shoulders. You can hear Ao’nungs low chuckle but ignore him.

“Sorry, Y/N,” Tsireya whispers to you.

“I’m fine,” you smile at her, then turn back to Neteyam. He still keeps his hands on you, “Neteyam.”

“Good morning to you too,” he says, finally lowering his hands. Still, you’re too close to each other.

Before things get more awkward, Kiri’s voice breaks the tension. She calls out your name, and you rush to join her by the mat, taking her hands in yours with worry. Kiri weakly smiles in response.

“I promise, I am doing better,” she reassures you, “And for that I have to thank my saviors! You hear that?” she loudly asks.

“I was worried sick for you, and you’re joking,” you roll your eyes at her, but can’t help a giddy smile. You’re glad she’s back to her normal self. You stay with her for some time, questioning her about her health, as she tries to swat you away.

“Out, out, Kiri has to eat!” Neytiri’s voice interrupts your small exchange, “And rest!”

She walks in with a bowl of cut up fruits in her hands, on her way managing to usher out some of the visitors.

“Mom,” Kiri whines annoyedly.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

That night you’re haunted by a nightmare. You’re swimming in the crystal-clear water, the warm sun rays piercing your eyes with a satisfying itch. From afar, you make out the beach which you would recognize anywhere: you’re back home, in your village. As you dive into the depths, you suddenly feel a hand clasping yours but the feeling is familiar. It’s your sister, swimming alongside you.

You smile. It reminds you of the old times, when you were little, spending your time swimming and holding hands with your sister, so none of you gets lost. Suddenly, the darkness engulfs you, making it hard to see. You look up to find a massive cloud forming in the sky, and you try to pull your sister with you to the surface. But she doesn’t budge, instead letting go of your hand with a small smile. Gasping for air, you break the surface, before diving back in for her, but this time she’s even farther away from you. You try to reach her again again and again, but each time the air in your lungs gets thinner, as she slips further away, eventually hitting the bottom.

You wake up, with your sister’s name lingering on your lips. It’s still dark outside, and too early for the morning. To clear your head, you head towards the trees, deeper on the island.

As you push through the dense bushes, you finally reach a small clearing nestled between tall trees. Then bang! All of a sudden someone throws you off your feet, hitting your back against the ground, and you see a familiar face hover above you. He’s so close, you can feel his braids grazing your skin. Neteyam. You growl.

“What the hell?” you slap his chest angrily, but he doesn’t budge, his arms firmly planted by the sides of your face. His knee rests between your thighs, restricting your movement.

“This is a familiar pose,” he smirks, and you roll your eyes at him, “Why aren’t you asleep?”

You notice a headpiece he’s wearing that you’ve never seen on him before. It looks like the ones that guardians assigned by Tonowari wear during their shifts.

“I was trying to clear my head. Why aren’t you?”

“I’m guarding,” he smiles, “This very same area, by the way.”

“You’re a guardian?” you snort.

Neteyam shakes his head amused, swaying his braids over your skin. Almost mocking you.

“Get off me,” you lightly slap his chest again, but he has something else on his mind. To tease you further, he pins your arms, and pushes his knee against you, right between your thighs.

You know that it’s innocent on his side, but your body reacts differently, separate from your mind. You feel blood rush to your face, as your ears, like a pair of wings, suddenly flutter in pleasure. Of course this doesn’t escape his eyes. You can see his pupils dilate, and an unreadable expression covering his face. You want to hide and scream out of embarrassment.

“Please,” you plead, and he pulls away from you so fast, it’s almost like he takes a leap.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to,” he apologizes, keeping a small distance between you.

He’s embarrassed too, you think. He doesn’t meet your eyes, but you can almost see how hundreds of thoughts are rushing through his brain in an attempt to change the subject. You sit up, dusting off your skin in uncomfortable silence, until he finally dares to speak up.

“Do you want me to walk you back?” he scratches his head, “You’re not supposed to be here.”

“No,” your voice is so low. Shit, “I need to clear my head.”

“Did you have a nightmare?” he asks gently.

You stand up, to dust the remains off your back and knees. You feel Neteyam’s eyes roaming over your body.

“I saw my sister in my dream,” you finally answer, “It just confused me more.”

“Confused you about what?”

“The signs. I can’t figure out what Eywa is trying to tell me.”

“Tell me,” Neteyam offers, it’s not an order.

You hesitate. Opening up to him out of all Na’vi? To be fair, you’d rather tell someone who doesn’t care about you, who would just listen for the sake of curiosity, not pity or empathy. But also he looks so sincere and trustworthy. Is the tiredness suddenly affecting your perception of him?

“Well,” you sigh, “Ever since my parents died, I could feel their presence whenever I talked to Eywa. And the other day, by the Spirit Tree, I thought that if my sister were dead, then I’d feel her too. But I couldn’t.”

“And the nightmare makes you think otherwise?”

“Yes. In the nightmare, we were swimming but every time I tried pulling her with me to the surface, to get her out, she wouldn’t budge. It’s like she didn’t want to be saved.”

“A nightmare can be just a nightmare, Y/N,” Neteyam pats your shoulder to comfort you.

“This was different,” you shake your head in disagreement, “I can feel it. I just wish I didn’t get my hopes up.”

Faint voices catch your attention. Neteyam’s ears perk up, as he focuses on the sounds in the distance, suddenly very aware of his surroundings.

"What do you hear?" you ask but he brings his thumb to your lips, shushing you.

“If the other guards hear you, they’ll take me off the duty.”

It feels like an eternity as he keeps his thumb over your lips. He stares off into darkness but all you can do is look at him. You admire how the moonlight highlights his features, his freckles and eyes glowing in the dark. His breathing is slow, strangely calming. You can’t help but think that the headpiece suits him even though it doesn’t prevent some of his braids escaping and framing his face. It’s almost funny how they seem to have a life on their own, swaying from left to right with every small movement he makes.

There is a flutter in your chest, as you realize how handsome he is. Shit. Maybe you’re just tired.

You wrap your fingers around his wrist, lowering his hand from your face, and it finally seems to catch his attention. You let your fingers linger on his skin for a little longer before letting go.

“Your purpose is to get me in trouble, isn’t it?” Neteyam smiles.

“What?” you frown at him.

“First, it was the fighting, now you happen to sneak away to the area I guard, so I get busted?”

“I didn’t intentionally -” you start justifying yourself but he’s quick to interrupt.

“I know, I’m kidding.”

Kidding. You admit that, given your history, it is a little funny. You can’t help but smile back.

The exhaustion seems to creep up on you, as you let out a yawn.

“I am probably going to regret this,” Neteyam mumbles, as if more to himself, than to you, “You know how Kiri sometimes falls asleep in random places?”

“Yeah?”

“Since you don’t want to go back to your bed, you can crash here,” he scratches his forehead, slightly embarrassed, as he points to the patch of grass in front of you.

“You want me to sleep here?” you snort.

“I’m just saying, give it a try. I promise I will be on the lookout.”

You consider it for a second. It sounds ridiculous but the lush grass does seem inviting, softer than your bed. Another yawn creeps up on you. Is it bad that you want to stay here for a while?

“I-I’m not sure I can sleep here,” you admit. Not under his gaze anyway.

“Oh, come on, it’s easy,” he suddenly warms up.

Neteyam stretches out on the grass and waves you over with the biggest grin.

“This is what Kiri does. She just lies down, relaxes, and just like that, she’s off to her dream world,” Neteyam imitates his sister, “Come on.”

“Alright,” you give up, as you walk over to him.

You know it’s innocent but you still feel nervous. Neteyam pats the grass next to him, encouraging you to lay down. You comply, and he watches you relax, as he tousles some of the grass beneath your head. This was a bad idea.

“Feels good, right?” he asks, propping himself up on one elbow so he can look at you.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath. It does.

“I’m starting to understand why Kiri falls asleep so easily,” you say, and hear him chuckle.

“Right? Sleeping outside is way more fun. There is just something about the open sky,” he sighs, “It reminds me of home.”

You keep your eyes closed but you can sense Neteyam’s still watching you.

“What is it?” you ask.

“Oh, nothing,” he sounds flustered, like he got caught, “I just thought you had fallen asleep already.”

“Neteyam?”

“Hm?”

You turn your head to look at him, meeting his curious golden eyes.

“Can you tell me something? I’m not too sleepy yet,” you admit.

“What would you like to hear?” his voice is soft. So soft, you have to tense your ears to hear him.

And he talks. It was easy to guess that Neteyam would speak about the things he values the most, about his family. You’re conflicted between hearing him out and discovering this new world you never knew existed, or leaving him here alone to avoid the guilt weighing down on you.

He tells you about his mother with pride, about her accomplishments and how she stood up for the things she believed in. He mentions that her clan was closely acquainted with the ‘good’ sky people who lived near the rainforest where he was born. These were the ones that tried helping Kiri yesterday. He also tells you about his father, who came from a star, and how he was almost killed by his mother before being saved by Eywa. He speaks fondly of his grandfather, whom he was told to look like, and who was a skilled warrior and protector of his clan, despite never having known him personally. And he tells you about his grandmother, who was strict but deeply loving. He missed her everyday since moving.

As Neteyam talks about the rainforest, his eyes light up with excitement. His descriptions are so vivid and detailed that you can almost see the towering trees, the creatures, and the weapons used by the Omatikaya. At times, he has to articulate with his hands and body to explain it. You feel your tiredness slip away. The more he talks, the more intrigued you get by his life, his stories.

At some point, you overtake the conversation, telling him about your home. You’re rushing through your words because there is so much you want to share. As if its pure existence depends on how much you can recall. At first, Neteyam has a guilty expression that eventually turns into a curious one. Sure, he’s been living with a water clan for months now but the way he reacted to your stories could make you think that he had never even seen water up close.

Hours pass, as your voices get smaller, and drowsiness completely takes over the two of you.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

When you wake up, you feel slightly restrained around your middle. You’re holding onto Neteyam’s arm, wrapped around your middle, and your legs intertwined. Shit.

“Neteyam,” you turn around, slightly shoving him, “”Teyam.”

He slowly opens his eyes, blinking the sleep away. It takes a moment for him to focus on you. So close, you think. Too close.

“Do you mind?” you gesture at his arm.

Neteyam’s a little slow in the morning, you notice. His eyes lazily follow your movement, roam over your body, as if trying to understand what happened, until he finally realizes. You swear, for a second you hear a faint flutter of his ears.

Your eyes snap back at him, and he sheepishly smiles, pulling away.

“Finally,” you mumble, as you get off the grass, “I should…I should go, I promised Tsireya that we’ll do this thing, um, in the morning.” Why can’t you lie?

“Right, and my shift’s over, so my mom will be looking for me,” Neteyam nods his head.

“Uh, well, I’ll see you around then?” you hesitate.

“Sure.”

Is he brushing you off? Slightly embarrassed, you turn around and walk ahead. When you hear his voice call out to you, your heart skips a beat.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Friends?”

You pause for a second, then nod with a smile. His face lightens up. Let’s try.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Trying is definitely a good word to describe this new friendship you’re developing with Neteyam. Within a group, you still keep your distance. So much, that it almost seems like your friendship is supposed to be a secret. You’re scared of being called a hypocrite if you get too close. But you were on good terms with Lo’ak, and basically best friends with Kiri, so there’s really no reason for anyone to call you that. Ugh, but it’s different. Neteyam is different.

When you’re hanging out with the group, you’re always distracted, keeping an eye on him. He doesn't seem as interested in you though. On the contrary, his attention is divided between disciplining his siblings and breaking apart Ao’nung and Kiri from biting off each other’s heads.

Very rarely, in those quiet moments when you go to swim by yourself, you can catch him watching you from a distance. You find it hard to read his expressions, Neteyam is too good at hiding whatever he’s feeling. You, not so much.

Ever since your talk with Jake, and the night you spent with Neteyam, you have conflicted feelings. You’re not sure where you stand anymore. Having voiced your opinions loudly on your first days, you almost expect to pick another fight with him. But you also kind of dread it.

And the tension between you is not anger anymore. He’s still annoying at times but you learned to find it amusing, rather than frustrating. Sometimes, when he looks at you, your heart jumps. And well, it’s not looking good for you.

In those rare moments when you two are left alone, you bicker. It’s strange because you’re almost convinced that he enjoys provoking you on purpose. Neteyam thinks that his responsibility as a guard gives him some sort of control over you. He likes to play the savior.

“Hey, I’m neither Lo’ak, or Kiri, you can’t boss me around!” you frown, after he suggests you don’t go for a swim past the curfew.

“As a guardian, I make sure that everyone’s staying safe,” he raises his eyebrows, like he already won the argument.

“Isn’t your job looking out for the outsiders? Like humans? With weapons, you know? Not terrorizing me for wanting to swim!”

“I sometimes really think you’re doing this on purpose just to see how far you can push me.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Time really seems to stretch out when you don’t get news from the other islands for a few days. Tonowari doubles the guardians around the village, and sends out a small group of swimmers for updates. It must be bad.

“Do you know anything?” you ask Tsireya.

Tsireya tries to be the best daughter to her parents but hanging out around you, the Sully’s, and her brother even, really challenges her sometimes. She knows she’s not supposed to tell you anything but when you all look at her in anticipation, she gives up eventually. To be a good brother, Ao'nung beats her to it from time to time.

“Tsireya?” Lo’ak pushes, knowing just the tone to use on her.

“You can’t tell anyone, I mean,” she looks at Kiri, “The last time the demons attacked one of the villages was a few days ago. The reason we didn’t get any news was because they wiped it out. Completely.”

You see her eyes glisten with tears, and hang your head in defeat. There really isn’t anything you can do, huh? No matter how hard you try. Nothing at all.

“Tsireya, what else?” Kiri wraps her arm around her shoulders.

“And… our attempts to save these clans are turning out to be more damaging,” she sniffles, “Now that the sky demons know that Na’vi are armed, they have doubled their forces. And they are more brutal. Some of the clans think of running from the islands before they get caught.”

“Shit,” Lo’ak curses, “But your dad must have a plan, right? My parents were with him the whole day yesterday. I can tell they’re hiding something.”

“Lo’ak, I can’t tell you,” Tsireya pleads with him.

“They want to take out their chief,” Ao’nung suddenly speaks, “They suggested luring him out and killing him.”

“But your father said he won’t be attacking first,” Lo’ak frowns.

“That’s right, my father won’t. But your father considers it.”

Ao’nung words send the group into a panic, as everyone starts talking, asking for more information. You gulp down, trying to ignore this anxious feeling in your chest. Once again, painful images of your burning home appear in front of you.

Knowing that your plan has caused the destruction of another village makes you feel like shit. This can’t be happening. You can feel yourself losing your grip on your breathing as your body begins to shake. The others continue to talk, but their words become muffled and indistinct, drowned out by the noise in your ears.

“Mawey,” Neteyam whispers to you, taking your hand in his, “Just breathe, Y/N.”

You nod but your body won’t comply. The longer you can’t seem to breathe, the shakier you get. Neteyam squeezes your hand, and starts loudly breathing in and out of his mouth.

“Just follow my lead, alright? Breathe in,” he waits for you to repeat after him, “And out. Right, just like that.”

After many attempts of repeating after him, you finally seem to calm down your breathing, and your heartbeat slows into its natural rhythm.

“Good girl,” he gives your hand another squeeze, “Are you alright?”

“I need to get out of here,” you whisper to him.

“Then let’s go,” he says, pulling you to your feet. You don’t protest.

When both of you walk away, still holding hands, you feel everyone’s eyes turn to you. Ugh. You’re definitely going to be questioned to death for this by Kiri and Tsireya, though right now you don’t care. You just want to be somewhere else.

Neteyam leads you towards the trees. When you reach a small stream, he comes to a stop.

“Hey, you feeling better?” he asks softly, still holding your hand. You nod, looking down at his fingers tightly wrapped around your palm.

“I feel so guilty, for causing more pain,” your eyes start filling up with tears, as you rush through your words, “ I’m scared that we won’t be able to stop them. And I do this thing where I freeze in the most dangerous situations, it’s like my mind takes me to a bad place.”

“Y/N,” Neteyam’s voice is concerned, “I promise, nothing will happen to you.”

“But it’s nightmares every night. I swear, I sometimes can’t tell them apart from the reality,” you admit, looking back at him.

“Mawey, you’ll get through this,” Neteyam comforts you, “I trust you because I know you have a strong heart. But Y/N… what’s happening to you is very familiar.”

“In what way?” Neteyam sighs before opening his mouth.

“My father has this same response sometimes, like panicking and losing your breath. The nightmares. He says that it can happen when one suffers through something very bad, like war, or losing someone close.”

“Well, how did he stop it?” you frown at him.

“He didn’t. You can’t really stop it,” he shakes his head, with a pained expression on his face, “But my mother helps him.”

“How?”

“She talks to distract him. Reminds him that it’s in the past.,” Neteyam answers, then gestures at your hands still interlocked, “She holds him.”

You nod, and squeeze his hand in appreciation. A few tears escape from your eyes, as you look away. Neteyam brings his hand to your face, wiping them away.

“Don’t cry.”

“Am not,” you sniffle.

“Seriously, don’t,” Neteyam grazes your cheek with his thumb, “It upsets me.”

“Why would you care?” you snort.

“Oh, because it’s creepy!” he teases, making you smile, “Seeing you cry is probably going to send the rest of our friends to Eywa.”

“Shut it,” you smack him, but he only laughs.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Tsireya suggests adding beads into your hair, as she works on your braids. Usually, you would have your hair in small braids, but she convinced you to try out a hairstyle similar to hers: braids at the roots, to prevent hair from falling into your eyes, and letting the rest flow in its natural way. You roll your eyes at the way Tsireya beams at you but you’re secretly happy to be distracted.

The two of you sit on the grass terrace, with two Elderly Na’vi not too far. They seem to enjoy watching Tsireya’s wonders on your hair, and you feel infinitely thankful to them, when Kiri plops down in front of you. She can’t grill you with her questions in their presence.

“Kiri, are you next?” Tsireya asks her, a hint of hope in her tone.

“No, my hair’s too short for all of that,” Kiri gestures at Tsireya’s long curls.

“Nonsense, I think it would look very pretty on you.”

Tsireya continues convincing Kiri, while she works on your braids, when suddenly you sense a movement. The Elderly Na’vi, now seemingly disinterested, walk away, leaving the three of you to yourselves. Oh, sweet Eywa, please don’t.

“So…Y/N,” Kiri beats you to your silent prayer, “You and Neteyam.”

“What about me and Neteyam?” you quirk your eyebrow at her. You’re going to play dumb.

“What’s happening between you?” she squints at you, “And please don’t tell me that you’re in love with him.”

“Oh but I think they would look great together,” Tsireya adds in her dreamy voice. Shit.

“What are you two talking about?” you roll your eyes, heat rushing to your cheeks, “He’s annoying.”

“But like in a cute way?” Kiri tries to crack you.

“In a way that makes your heart flutter?” Tsireya adds.

“Are you thinking about Lo’ak right now?” you turn to look at Tsireya with a sly smile. If you just get to switch the topic, you will give yourself a small window to flee. She looks taken aback.

“Hey, don’t distract us!” Kiri interrupts, waving at you, “It’s alright, Tsireya, we all know he likes you back.”

Tsireya gulps down in embarrassment but doesn’t say anything. Kiri stares at you expectantly.

“What?”

“You were holding hands,” she states.

“I hold hands with Tsireya all the time too,” you’re definitely overplaying, “Neteyam and I are just trying to be more…civil.”

“Yet when you were panicking, it was Neteyam, and not Tsireya, holding your hand and taking you to the trees,” Kiri notes.

Is she playing a smartass? Caught off guard, your eyes widen.

“Why did you go into the trees, Y/N? Were you doing something you didn’t want us to see?” Kiri pushes, trying to crack you.

“Stop it,” you hiss at her.

“I just find it disgusting that he would go for my friend, right after Lo’ak already stole Tsireya from me,” Kiri crosses her arms in front of her chest, “All of you are inconsiderate.”

“A brother for a brother,” Tsireya whispers, and you can’t help but laugh.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Kiri raises her voice.

“Come on, Kiri. Ao'nung is always flirting with you,” you explain, then wince in pain, as Tsireya pulls on your hair.

“Sorry!” she apologizes immediately, “I was just agreeing with you, didn’t mean to pull your hair.”

“You two are unbelievable. Ao’nung is terrible. No offense, Tsireya,” Kiri denies, “And don’t switch topics here, Y/N! You and Neteyam were jumping at each other’s throats since you met, now suddenly you consider him a friend? What happened?”

“Well, there was this time when we had to team up to save your ass,” you tease, enjoying Kiri’s escalating anger, “No, but really. I think we were just really scared for you.”

“Ooh,” the two of them awe in unison, “So that’s it?”

“And Eywa,” you mumble under your breath.

“Eywa?” Kiri’s ears perk up, as she leans in. Right away, Tsireya drops your hair, as she quickly positions herself next to Kiri, her attention now fully on you.

“Well… back when we went to the Spirit Tree, he and I fell a little behind. Then I saw a woodsprite floating around us. Neteyam had his back turned, so he didn’t even notice.”

“Do you think Eywa wants you two -” Kiri doesn’t finish.

“No, it was more of a sign for me to stop resenting him,” you shake your head in embarrassment, “So now I’m trying to listen and be nice to him.”

“That makes sense. Eywa wouldn’t bless you as a couple anyway, it’s too soon,” Kiri says.

“No, it’s not,” Tsireya disagrees, “They’re both capable of choosing mates before Eywa.”

Kiri opens her mouth to protest but then decides against it.

“Doesn’t matter. It’s not the time,” you shake your head, and the girls seem to agree with you, “And Neteyam is not the one. He is my friend. So please stop teasing me for giving him a chance.”

Content with your answer, Kiri drops it. You suspect that Tsireya hasn’t been fully convinced by your words but she is too kind to keep pushing you. You give her a grateful smile for understanding. If anything, she can relate in some way.

Speak of the devil… When you see Neteyam approaching you, you can feel the girls’ eyes on you, looking for a reaction. Neteyam throws a quick look at you, slightly surprised by your hair, but says nothing. He doesn’t like it? You feel a little insecure.

“Hey,” he bows quickly, “Kiri, mother wants you back at home for dinner.”

Kiri rolls her eyes but gets up from the grass. Tsireya follows.

“My family is probably waiting for me too.”

“You’re lucky you have no one telling you what to do, Y/N,” Kiri blurts out, then covers her mouth.

“Kiri!” Tsireya tsks at her, but it’s a little too late.

When it came to dinners, you were mostly having them alone, or sometimes skipping them at all. For your first two weeks, Tsireya would drag you to her house for every single meal but eventually you restarted hunting and actually enjoyed preparing your own meals.

“Y/N, you coming to our place tonight?” Tsireya encourages.

You prepare yourself to politely decline her invitation but Neteyam beats you to it.

“Actually, what do you think about joining us instead?” he asks softly.

Both Tsireya, Kiri and you look at him in surprise. He had never invited you directly in front of others. Not even Kiri has. And the idea of you spending the evening with his father. Yikes. Sure, you somewhat felt more comfortable seeing Jake in the village but sitting in front of him for dinner is totally different.

“Um, I don’t think it’s a good idea,” you mumble.

“Nonsense, Y/N, now that I think about it, I should have invited you a long time ago,” Kiri suddenly jumps in, “And after you saved my ass. Mom and dad would love to thank you.”

“Especially my mom,” Neteyam adds.

If they think they’re making a good point, they must be completely unaware of how uncomfortable you feel around Neytiri. She is intimidating, you think. You can never even talk to her.

“Well?” Neteyam nudges you with a warm smile.

You bite your lip, trying to think of an excuse. Any excuse. But your head is empty, as the three of them look at you expectantly. Tsireya nods her head at you with an encouraging smile.

“If you’re sure,” you admit your defeat.

Happily, Kiri swings her arm around you, leading you towards their marui.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Sully's marui is bigger than yours, it’s not surprising. They are a family of six after all, you are a single child. Still, you think that you could never live with so many people: losing your parents at a young age made you well acquainted with sharing a room with only one person at a time. Now you share it with no one.

When you shyly walk in, you think your heart is going to jump out of your chest. Kiri pulls you by your hand.

“Mom, dad,” Neteyam grabs their attention, “We invited Y/N to share today’s meal with us.”

“Hey, Y/N,” Jake’s ears perk up, as he stands up with a small smile. You bow. Little Tuk copies her father as she runs up to you, curiously examining you.

“I hope it’s okay,” you smile sheepishly.

“It’s good that you came. You need to eat well,” Neytiri walks up to you with a bowl of food in her hands.

“Mom,” Kiri rolls her eyes, “Y/N eats fine, stop.”

“Not fine enough for a hunter,” Neytiri turns to you, “A good hunter must look after themselves. So eat.”

You nod your head with a small chuckle escaping your lips, as you take the bowl from her. Neteyam gives you a proud smile.

When all of you are seated to eat, Lo’ak rushes into the marui, barely catching his breath.

“Sorry I’m late,” he throws, quickly sitting down next to you, “Oh, hi, Y/N.”

You greet him back, then notice a non-verbal exchange between the siblings. They seem to be doing this way too often. Lo’ak shoots a questioning look at Neteyam, but Neteyam just rolls his eyes at him, and returns to his food. Lo’ak tries again with Kiri. Kiri shrugs her shoulders, then smiles pointing at Neteyam with her eyes. Lo’ak snorts.

“Lo’ak,” Jake grumbles.

“Sorry,” Lo’ak gets back to his bowl without being able to retrieve his smile.

At first, you feel awkward. While they exchange some news with each other, you don’t participate, simply observing them from underneath your lashes. Tuk excitedly tells about her new friendship with a young ilu. Lo’ak shares that he was swimming with Payakan. Jake gives him a displeased look but doesn’t say anything. You think that the food is very good. It’s a shame that you can’t enjoy it because you feel uncomfortable. Why did you have to agree?

“Y/N,” Neytiri turns to you, “I’ve seen you hunt near the trees. Do you prefer it to the water?”

“It depends,” you feel like she is testing you but you don’t want to lie, “I feel most comfortable in the water. But sometimes it gets boring, so I look for the prey in the green. It’s more challenging.”

Neytiri nods, and you notice Jake’s and Neteyam’s approving smiles on you, which makes you feel like you passed the test. Whatever the test was.

“Mom is an excellent hunter,” Kiri adds, “You should join her sometime.”

“I will only be a distraction,” you try to disagree, as you hear Lo’ak chuckle next to you. Is he enjoying how much more uncomfortable his family can make you?

“Lo’ak,” Neytiri slaps the back of his head, “Have you tried hunting on an ikran, Y/N?”

“No, I’ve never even flown,” you give her a sheepish smile, as her eyes widen in surprise. You suppose it’s pretty common, since you grew up around the water.

“You’ve never flown!” Tuk exclaims, as if you are missing out.

“Then it’s decided,” Jake announces, exchanging a knowing look with Neytiri. Oh no.

“Next time I go flying, I will take you with me. You will enjoy it more than swimming,” she smiles.

You and Neytiri. Going to fly. You can’t even speak looking into her eyes, are you sure you will be able to fly with her in the air? At a height? While she hunts?

“Don’t worry, Y/N, you have nothing to be scared of,” Neteyam encourages you with a smile, “I’m sure you will love flying.”

Tuk nods in agreement, clapping her hands together. Neteyam finds his sister’s reaction amusing and lovingly pats her on the head. You enjoy this side of him a little too much, as you watch the interaction with a small smile.

“Like what you see?” Lo’ak whispers to you with a grin.

“What?” it’s hard for you to play cool when he just caught you.

“Nothing,” Lo’ak acts disinterested, biting down on the piece of fish, “Just warning that you’re being too obvious.”

“Just like you’re obvious with the chief’s daughter,” you whisper back, and watch as Lo’ak chokes on his food.

“Eat slower, Lo’ak,” Neytiri scolds him.

As the evening goes on, you feel slightly more at ease. Although the thought of you dying while flying with Neytiri nags at you, you try to push it to the back of your mind for the time being. You and Kiri eventually find a thread of your own conversation, and you occasionally catch Neteyam’s gracing you with his proud smiles.

When you’re finished with thanking them for having you over, Kiri stands up instinctively to walk you out. You’re both confused when Neteyam jumps to his feet, gently pushing his sister out of his way.

“It’s too late for you to be out, Kiri,” he says, his accent thick, “I will walk Y/N home.”

“Since when am I not to be out at this hour?” Kiri is baffled, as she turns to Jake with an expectant look, “Dad?”

“Since you started falling asleep underwater, Kiri,” Jake throws her a knowing look.

When you exit the marui with Neteyam close on your heels, you’re caught by surprise, feeling his arm snake around your shoulder. As you’re about to react, you almost stumble in the dark, and Neteyam helps you keep your balance.

“It’s a bit uneven here, especially in the dark, many stumble,” he explains, as he lets go of you.

“Thanks,” you mumble, looking at him, “Why did you have to invite me?”

“Did you have other plans?” Neteyam quirks at you. You shake your head.

“Still, after everything I said and did, I feel like you all must hate me.”

“You gave me a second chance, right?” Neteyam smiles, “Why wouldn’t I give one to you?”

You shrug your shoulders.

“And just so you know, no one hated you.”

“Not even you?” you tease.

“Especially not me,” Neteyam’s voice is serious. You shy away from his gaze.

As if being unseen in the darkness is equivalent to being unheard, the two of you walk slowly, quietly. You notice how the last bit of sun sets down behind the horizon, and watch in admiration.

“I love it here,” Neteyam admits, following your gaze, “I miss home, and the sky in the forest. But there’s something about the water…”

“What is it that you like about the water?” you ask him curiously.

“I don’t know, it just makes my heart race,” he whispers, looking back at you.

“I would love to see the forest. But I think I like it already,” you whisper back, meeting his golden eyes.

There’s a moment when you think something is going to happen. You’re both terrified and impatient for him to do anything. When did he become so different? Were you just blind before?

Neteyam’s eyes jump all over your face and your hair, like he’s trying to take it in. You hope that you’re not giving away how much you think you’re growing to like him at this moment.

“Your hair looks pretty like this,” he says, reaching for one of the locks draping over your shoulders.

Your heart skips a beat when he twirls a strand of your hair, watching it curl around his long fingers.

“Very pretty,” he smiles, looking back at you.

“Tsireya talked me into it,” you smile sheepishly, as you gently pull your hair back from his grasp.

He turns his head to the side, braids swaying with him. You have to force yourself not to reach your hand to tug them.

“Well, we’re here.” It takes you a second to realize that you’re in front of your marui.

“Right,” you gulp down, “Thanks again for inviting me, it was surprisingly delightful.”

“Wait till you fly with my mother,” Neteyam chuckles, noticing your terrified face.

“Oh, sweet Eywa,” you bite your lip.

“Don’t worry, she won’t let you get hurt,” Neteyam backs away, ready to leave, “I can be there to look after you.”

“I’ll take you up on that offer.”

“Sweet dreams, Y/N.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

In a long time, since you had arrived, this is the first time you see Metkayina so overjoyed. From afar, you were all watching as their soul-sisters and soul-brothers, the Tulkuns, were returning home. The Sully’s were looking at the water mesmerized. Being foresters, they probably never even seen Tulkuns before.

You think back to your soul-sister whom you had seen many years ago. You were still a little girl back then but the memories you had with her kept your heart warm all this time. Sadness graces your face when you imagine her returning home and finding your village destroyed, with you nowhere to be found.

And although your soul-sister wasn’t among the Tulkuns, you still enjoy watching their interactions with the Metkayina clan. You swim in between them with a giddy smile, catching glimpses of silent conversations and excited exchanges, especially between the younger Na’vi. Not too far, Neteyam catches your eye. He is unlinked from his ilu, which swims around him with a delighted noise.

“Y/N, this is incredible!” he gestures.

“It is,” you agree, returning his smile.

You spend more time swimming and taking in the scenes unraveling in front of you. What’s even more entertaining is watching Neteyam and Kiri admiring the Tulkuns, and trying their best to understand what they’re saying. Of course, for foresters who had never seen Tulkuns, it was difficult to differentiate the subtle changes of tones and sounds they made. Lo’ak seems more comfortable, and you guess that it’s due to his bond with Payakan.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

That evening, the Metkayina celebrate. While there were no new attacks from the sky people in the past week, you can’t help but feel uneasy, suspecting that something worse is going to happen soon. Like this short moment of happiness is just the calm before the storm begins.

The celebration of the return of Tulkuns is similar to the one you used to have back home. The clan gathers at the beach in big and small circles, around fire. They cook and share food and drinks together, while singing and dancing to the songs of Eywa. Many wear festive patterns on their faces and bodies. It didn’t take Tsireya long to convince both Kiri and you to get your faces and arms painted with beautiful shapes and colors.

As the evening goes on, Kiri tells you that back home their celebrations were almost the same. You sense that she’s truly enjoying it, feeling the familiarity. When she is pulled into a dance, you watch her with a big smile, clapping your hands. The rest of her family looks just as happy, especially Neytiri. Almost relaxed. You feel a little jealous that you had no one to share this moment with.

With everyone distracted, you slip away to the far end of the beach to be by yourself. Feeling the warmth of the sand, you enjoy the waves washing over your feet in a calming rhythm. You watch the horizon, and spot some movement from the Tulkuns performing their own celebratory dance, as they swim around each other. Occasionally, their tails resurface and disappear under the water with big splashes.

“Why aren’t you dancing with the rest?” you hear Neteyam’s voice, as he sits down next to you.

“Why aren’t you?”

“Let’s just say that dancing is not my strongest suit,” Neteyam smiles.

“Is the mighty warrior finally admitting to being bad at something?” you tease him, “Lo’ak would be delighted when I tell him.”

“Lo’ak is a worse dancer than I am,” Neteyam laughs, pointing at his younger brother in the distance.

You look over to find Lo’ak awkwardly circling around Tsireya. It seems like he is going to fall into the fire any second now. They’re holding hands, as she tries to guide him to move his feet like her but Lo’ak seems so out of place, it makes you laugh too. It’s kind of cute, you think. He tries for Tsireya because there is no way he would ever do this in front of so many Na’vi.

“He’s a lost cause,” you shake your head at the sight.

“Anything for love,” Neteyam turns his gaze back to you with a small smile.

You almost get a deja vu of how similar this moment is to the one you shared among the trees. There is something unspoken between Neteyam and you. He holds your gaze, slowly moving closer. You gulp down nervously, when he raises his hand to your cheek. Neteyam pauses for your approval before making contact. His fingers trace a pattern of paint on your face, before he cups your cheek.

“Neteyam,” you whisper, “If anyone sees…”

If anyone sees, you will definitely gain at least several suspicious questions tomorrow morning. You can only imagine how this looks from afar, and you wonder if he wants it to look that way. Is it bad that you hope he does?

“I don’t care,” Neteyam whispers back, his face now closer to yours, “Can I ask you something, Y/N?”

You feel too nervous to talk. Instinctively you raise your fingers, wrapping them around his wrist, then nod your head. Neteyam takes a deep breath.

“Are you promised to someone?” his eyes jump all over your face, trying to read your thoughts.

“No,” your voice hitches, as you hold his gaze, “Are you?”

Neteyam softly shakes his head, one of his braids falling on his face. You find that makes him look more handsome.

“Y/N,” his voice is hypnotic, pulling you closer to him, “I know we didn’t see eye to eye when we met but now I think it’s because both of us felt something. Y/N, I -”

“Neteyam,” you interrupt him with a firm tone, “Don’t say anything.”

You avoid his gaze, lowering his hand from your face. You still keep your fingers around his wrist but you don’t dare to look at him.

“Why?” Neteyam sounds so confused, you feel an ache in your stomach, “Am I wrong? Don’t you feel it too?”

“Neteyam, this is not the time,” you sigh, avoiding his question, “I can’t. Please.”

He pulls his hand from yours, instantly putting a small distance between you. You feel like you’re going to scream. He doesn’t deserve this.

“I don’t understand,” he whispers, shaking his head.

“I can’t promise you anything, Neteyam. I don’t even know if my sister is alive. What if I go back home? What if the demons attack us tomorrow, and I die?” you start rushing through the hundreds of reasons, “I can’t risk this. Having a friend like you is more than I deserve already, ‘Teyam. I don’t want you to get stuck with me. I am not reliable like you. I will mess it up.”

“Y/N -” he looks so confused, trying to follow the line of your words, “I disagree -”

Your intimate moment is disrupted with loud noises of Roxto and Ao’nung running past you into the water. The rest of the group, with Lo’ak and Tsireya, are close on their heels with accompanying shouts. You guess they’re headed to swim with the Tulkuns before Tonowari declares an end to the celebration.

“Neteyam, come join us!” Lo’ak shouts, interrupting his brother.

“Please, let’s just pretend that everything’s back to normal. Whatever ‘normal’ means anyway,” you sigh, standing up. Neteyam’s pained eyes follow your movement, as you leave him there, sitting alone.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

part 2

tumblr won't let me post the rest of the fic in the same post, so go to part 2. if you have any thoughts or comments and you haven't finished reading yet, i would still appreciate you sharing them with me. i'm so impatient for feedback, although i know it will take a lot of time to read this whole thing, anyways

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

taglist (also tagging some blogs that i think might enjoy it, and some of the authors, whose works i’ve been reading non-stop to keep myself motivated): @fucksnow ; @heaven1oo4 ; @fanboyluvr ; @ngayawneluoer ; @aquila-de-l-ocean ; @aoteyam ; @moonpetrichors-blog ; @vinnieswife ; @eywascall ; @lxvvvllyy ; @iloveavatar ; @neteyamdarling ; @gloryy-vs ; @girasollake ; @mayhemories ; @suuuupernovaaa ; @love-chx ; @the-demon-soul ; @cosmictheo ; @victoirey ; @your-averagewriter ; @starkeysmoon ; @openpandorabox ; @urlocalfeiner ; @neteyams-tsahik ; @angelltheninth ; @sweetsbfreex ; @forever--darling ; @arachine ; @nyctophicbtch ; @jeojake ; @isabellapaul37 ; @melbee ; @loaksky ; @luvsellie ; @loakism ; @lizziesfirstwife ; @jakesullysbabygirl ; @theseuscmander ; @love13tter

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ambrosiagourmet · 2 months

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Gimme a Kabru for the ask meme

Ahhhh hi I'm still doing this I will finish them let's go

Kabru!!

First impression

Once again gonna go for a pre-reading impression, bc honestly I really think the fandom osmosis impression I got was so off imho. So, Kabru first impression:

what if there was a hater. in the dungeon. :0

Impression now

I LOVE HIM... He's constantly agonizing over everything he does and the impact it could have and the big picture and its gonna burn him out completely someday if he doesn't slow down and realize he's allowed to live for himself sometimes. In a story chock full of survivor's guilt he is Mister Survivor's Guilt. He feels like he needs to do something to earn his existence, and that's such a heavy burden he has put on himself. Ough.

Favorite moment

There are a ton of little parts from the story that I love, but I actually want to highlight this bit from one of the Adventurer's Bible comics that lives with me:

I don't know, there's just something... something about it. Allowing Mithrun the privacy of his own story is such a strange kindness. Who else but Kabru could have thought to provide it?

Kabru, who wears Utaya across his shoulders everywhere he goes, but also never shares much about his mom, his food, the things he misses from Utaya. Or the superstitions about his eye color, and the ways that even the place he misses most wasn't always a kind home to him. Kabru, who has learned exactly how to cut up the piece of his own story in order to be able to hold the weight of them all and do the things he needs to do.

Kabru looks at Mithrun, someone who doesn't have the ability to care for himself, and provides this service to him. Offers him privacy. Privacy. The people around Mithrun have cared for him for years, but who has given him this?? Food, sleep, water, basic hygiene... but Mithrun deserves dignities beyond that too, even if he isn't able to ask for them.

And Kabru takes his eye for creating palatable stories, which he has often used to make himself fit in or force himself through unpleasant things, and uses it to help Mithrun in a way that no one else had.

Idea for a story

I don't have anything super specific here, just a GREAT DESIRE for post-canon Kabru stuff. I want to see him and Marcille become friends. I want to see him struggle to figure himself out now that his driving motive has been resolved. I want to see him forced to consider that he can't always do things for the Bigger Picture. I want to see how his relationships with his party members change. I want to see the adventures of the Laios - Marcille - Kabru trio. Pleaaaaaaase

Unpopular opinion

He's not just a hater in a dungeon.......

Like for sure his feelings about Laios are complicated and boy can they include Haterism, but also he is like the only person who vouches for Laios at certain points. Kabru intentionally chooses to have faith in him at several key moments, and the ending of the story hinges upon that faith.

I think he's got a very black and white way of looking at things sometimes, and he likes to be in control. This is where the haterism can come in.

BUT there's so much more than just that to him. Kabru is an extremely caring person in general. He notices details about people and often uses those observations to care for them - Mithrun in the example above, for instance, or the way that he thinks about how hard it would be for Rin to go back to the elves when considering whether to hand the dungeon over to them. He has a strong sense of justice. He is loyal to his promises.

I just wish those elements of his personality were given more significance in the fandom :/

Favorite relationship

Gotta go with him and Mithrun here. They bring out such interesting sides to each other. Some of my favorite moments are them surviving in the dungeon together, and of course that comic is one of my fave moments. The way Kabru understands him and continually chooses to use that understanding to provide kindness and support to Mithrun... it's good.

But also I think that Mithrun gets to a core part of Kabru that Kabru usually tries to keep hidden. Some part of the survivor's guilt, I think... the way Kabru is driven by a sense of obligation to a thing he Cannot Ever Bring Back.

They both pull something out of the other that no one else does, at least over the course of the story.

Favorite headcanon

Hmmmmm... does "he and Marcille will be besties someday" count? I think it counts. I love the idea of them being gossip-heads.

#ask #ask meme #I've got... two more of these left to do now. I will finish them. I WILL

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shriekshrike · 2 years

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y’know what’s really interesting about last night’s episode is that it really revealed the BIGGEST flaw that bells hells has as a party:

they don’t fucking trust each other enough. or rather, they don’t trust themselves.

sure, they have the “you can have my back, you can save my life, you can heal me and switch places with me in a fight, you can head into danger and come out just fine” trust because if they didnt, they wouldn’t have made it this far. literally.

but they’re all so fucking careful when it comes to their suspicions! chet never says anything to anyone about dusk, orym doesn’t say shit about reading chet’s and dusk’s lips, imogen doesn’t say boo about not being able to read dusk’s mind. it’s not that they don’t think the others aren’t capable, but more like “if i don’t get all my ducks in a row no one will believe me” which!! is so much. to think about.

because when it’s said like that it’s not like they don’t trust one another, it’s more like they DON’T TRUST THEMSELVES individually! which makes so much sense! ashton got betrayed by ppl they thought they knew better than anyone else in the world, FCG finds out someone they thought was dead is actually alive and never bothered to get them back and they’re also fucking glitching more and more often and he finds out not only did dancer not make them but also they are MUCH MUCH older than anything or anyone else they’ve ever met (pre divergence BABY aeor is for LOVERS nd robits), imogen was a hermit in her own fucking home bc no one wanted to be around the girl who could get into your head (not like she had a choice sometimes) and she doesn’t trust herself not to somehow cross lines with people whether that be on accident or on purpose, laudna licherally spent 30 years post-death being ousted from town to town because people found her a freak and a witch and has a DEAD NECROMANCER WHO KILLED HER IN HER HEAD, fearne is slowly coming to realization that her parents maybe weren’t sending her post cards all those years and that her life really wasn’t all it was cracked up to be and her memory is a little fucky (that feywild shit, huh), orym still probably feels residual survivor’s guilt in being unable to protect the one person who really truly mattered to him and sees it as a failing in himself rather than just something that happened, chet is a werewolf who literally gets run out of towns because of what he is and he could literally lose control if he’s too hurt or out of it and hurt someone else (as seen w orym)

like they’re so...aware of the trust they have for one another, but because they don’t trust themselves, they never SAY SHIT bc they’re always second guessing their suspicions which is so fascinating to watch; they don’t trust themselves enough to follow their instincts to trust one another even moreso. they’ve all got like folie a deaux but it’s mass imposter syndrome instead.

and it’s not like dusk knew that abt the bells, but it worked so well in dusk’s favor bc even if it was an 11th hour realization and discovery for the pc’s who did start to get suspicious, it would have been enough time to maybe do something. but they DIDN’T and it kinda doomed them!

after this i hope they get more...confident in their own capabilities. or at least learn to trust their own guts without needing confirmation or waiting for all the chips to land. sometimes, you just gotta listen to the sirens in ur head because that’s the part of u that wants u to survive no matter what.

dusk says a lot of shit and idk how much was truth laced with the sweetness of lies you wanna hear, but they got one thing fucking right. bells hells are special. and they gotta realize it before it really lands them in hotter fucking water.

#cr spoilers #critical role #bells hells #i wuv them and i think about them a lot ok #they really gotta trust themselves #as much as they trust one another.

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nightly-ruse · 11 months

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While thinking about anthro and deep southern Mothwing I had the idea of a anthro timeline like warrior cats so here it is lol

Sasha is new in town and raised highly Christian (in the serve your husband and don’t speak out kind of way it really fucked her up) so when she meets a seemingly kind man who goes by the name of Tiger she kinda immediately falls in love. She grew up on those fantasy fall in love at first sight and always wanting that. And now getting the littlest kindness from a stranger, it was like it was meant to be in her mind.

She follows him everywhere slowly becoming more trapped in his life. Even willing to join his own group. But just as she’s about to pledge her faith to them she learns of his true nature and what their cult really is. With the help of Ray (Russetfur) she escapes. But she’s already been pregnant and now just a few months off giving birth. She ends up having Sienna (Moth), Sycamore (Hawk) and Simon (Tadpole) by herself and barley survives being unable to do anything for a long time. While very young her kits try to help her out by getting some food by themselves, attempting to hook something off that old bridge nearby. But while trying to throw the first line Simon slipped and fell in, Sycamore dived in after and Sienna swam in just behind him. All three had to be saved by a person nearby who noticed the frantic splashing but sadly Simon had swallowed too much water and drowned.

Both Sienna and Sycamore were very sick but even more so depressed. Sienna plagued by survivors guilt and Sycamore by misdirected anger at how hard their life was. Not being able to deal with it Sasha gave them up to lady who saved them, a strong woman named Lakelyn (Leopardstar) or Lake as the kids called her.

They grew up in that same cult their mother had run from. Sycamore falling into the same violent side as their father had and Sienna begging to escape the cycle. She made friends with many. Especially kind Lily (Leafpool) and her sister Sally (Squilf). Until that day at the lake. Just like before she was too late, as she walked along the once beautiful beach she saw her final brother there dead, a spike through his throat. Dying as he drowned on his own blood. She had so much she was supposed to be more powerful and yet everyone still died. Over and over again.

While clerics weren’t usually allowed to wear any weapons or shield their head she did both. Keeping her brother’s knife at her hip and their bandannas over her head. If the stars above wanted so badly to drown her like they did everyone else then she wasn’t going to make it easy. She wasn’t going to blindly follow their word or even let them see her. She was done with them.

Besides the actual story of it in this the different clans are different small towns separated by their natural terrain. Riverclan is based on more marshy wetlands and called River Roots, Thunderclan is a sunny forest called Thunder Oaks, Shadowclan is a dark pine forest called Shaded Pines, and Windclan is a big open field called Windy Grasses.

Clerics are more so priests who dedicate their whole life to caring and understanding the stars. Or kinda like nuns. They aren’t to fight or draw blood so keeping a knife let alone Sycamores knife is a huge deal. Even more so that she shields her head from the stars. She also knows he was murdered obviously and HATES Bruce (Bramble) bc she knows he killed her brother.

Her and Lily are secret lesbians I decree it. Only visiting on new moons so to be out of the stars gaze. Sienna also helps Lily not only hide her pregnancy but also give birth taking the spot of Yellowfang in Leafpool’s Wish. The three would be named Raury (Lionblaze), Jay, and Brandy (Hollyleaf). Brandy and Bailey (Breezepelt) are also much closer in this I just think they should be.

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nteabodies · 1 year

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The Saga Begins, and how it seamlessly fits into the Pop star wars AU

youtube

I feel like the Saga Begins is the perfect song to represent @nevertheless-moving's Pop Star Wars AU, bc… it's sung by obi wan! From his pov! During the exact time period he travelled to! Makes references to the future obi wan shouldn't know yet! Is somewhat upbeat with an undercurrent of sadness which is the epitome of Obi-Wan – but more than that, I can envision this weird Al youtube video organically existing within the Pop Star Wars universe!

Peek under the break for my crazed ramblings ig

So, the temple knows the Obi Wan had a huge, life changing vision that changed his behaviour and personality somewhat, but they don't realise he also has an Anakin shaped glob of unresolved trauma with a helpful side of survivors guilt and depression that he is very good at hiding from everyone.

And he is somewhat successful at Naboo. Like, he was 100% expecting Maul (and it was a little pathetic how easily he defeated him this time) so he was able to dissassocate from the situation and miraculously not have a flashback of Qui Gon's death mid-lightsaber swing.

So other than being eerily skilled at Soresu, no one notices him or his trauma, just how he likes it.

But on the trip back to Coruscant, someone manages to stab Qui Gon (who was mildly concussed from the fight with Maul so he's just like "oh my it appears i have been stabbed").

And Obi-Wan had only just begun to start relaxing a little bit now that Qui Gon was safe, so he was taking a nap when the stabbing happened. (he hadn't slept for the entire week long mission, or he would not be taking this nap)

So Obi-Wan wakes up relaxed, does a few stretches and contentedly strolls out of his room then freezes.

He can't sense Qui Gon (because Qui Gon is unconscous). He strains to find him and when he does, he can only sense a weak force presence, and when he sprints to the presence he finds the floor covered in blood (mainly the attackers blood bc a concussed qui gon accidentally stabbed the attacker back while peacefully arresting her) Qui Gon lying down on the floor with a stab wound on his stomach and medic tending to him.

Obi-Wan loses it. He screams a guttural "NOOOO!" that's 10 times more grief stricken than the one in his original life. Qui gon couldn't die! Not again! NOT AGAIN! He was sent back to fix this, wasn't he? Why did everything he tried to fix break? Was everything going to be the same this time? Even with him trying his hardest to stop it?

At this point he's cradling Qui Gon's head against his chest like he's already dead and having a full blown panic attack in front of the shocked pikachu face medic and shock pikachu face qui gon who got shocked awake by the scream (the stabbed attacker gets woken up by the third gutteral scream and resolves to rethink her life if she survived this oredeal)

When Obi Wan comes to he sees his dead master and does the whole you're not dead Master!!! Routine

Long story short, an extremely concerned Qui-Gon sends Obi-Wan to the mind healers at the Jedi temple.

So the mindhealers engage in the usual forms of therapy, but Obi-Wan has had time to collect himself and gain his composure (using the tried and true gaslight gatekeep girboss away your trauma method pioneered by Ben Kenobi)

So realising they're not doing anything other than making Obi wan more closed off and in denial, the mind healers decide to try art therapy which kind of works! he paints his feelings and his visions (and in this AU he's not the best painter so he draws things like 2 stick figures fighting with lightsabers with a lot of fire surrounding them and when the mind healer asks him to describe it his eyes fill with tears/he disassociates and gives classic Old Ben cryptic platitudes.)

Obi-Wan doesn't realise he's acting like Qui-Gon when he retreats into his Old Ben persona, but the healers do. And they think he's emulating his master to escape his visions. What they do know of his 'vision' is:

1) Qui Gon Jinn dies somehow

2) something bad happens to little anakin skywalker

Anyway so that's the reason Anakin and Qui-Gon are roped into his therapy sessions. When they're in the room they can reassure him that nothing has happened to them, that recalling a vision of a future that hasn't happened isn't going affect them in the present.

By this point Obi-Wan is not in denial about his trauma anymore (well not as much as before) and he's willing to try new things. But he draws the line at sharing all the details of his 'vision' with anyone. So he goes "can't we go back to the painting? I liked doing the artistic stuff, it helped me process a little bit without hurting too much" even though it was more of him painting and crying and going in circles with the mind healers

And Qui Gon has this epiphany. He has spent 10 years listening to Obi-Wan singing pretentious indie rock in the shower, humming old jedi lullabies while he watered the plants, crooning a soothing tune to their latest pathetic lifeforms, caterwauling emo metal while blackout drunk and giving Qui Gon a migraine–

The point is that Obi-Wan obviously enjoys singing.

"If you can't say it, why don't you sing it?"

And so Obi Wan finds himself writing a song for the first time. Maybe space Don McLean has already released Space American Pie by this point, so he makes a parody of the lyrics. Should he write about everything? Nah, that's too dangerous. Maybe he should write about the events of the past few weeks, but from the old timeline. Just to process everything that happened so far.

Smol baby Anakin is with him while he's drafting the song and he can't help but compare this rosy cheeked Anakin to Vader. And that's when he finally gets the chorus perfected

Oh my, my this here Anakin guy

Maybe Vader someday later, now he's just a small fry

He left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye

Sayin', "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi

And smol anakin pretends to be angy that Obi wan called him a small fry but secretly is delighted that the entire chorus is about him.

Obi-wan performs the song for Qui Gon and Anakin one night. Anakin is in bed and begs Obi Wan to sing "that cool song you were writing about just now!"

Cue some Master Padawan angst after Anakin falls asleep and Qui Gon realises he was supposed to die during the mission to Naboo.

Fast Forward a few weeks and it's Anakin's favourite lullaby because its about him! And it has his name! And obi wan looks so fond when he sings the chorus to him! (Qui Gon secretly records it and uploads it to his space youtube channel that no one watches)

And it's on one of these nights when Obi Wan has an epiphany. Bc... didn't space Don McLean make like a billion credits from this song alone? And what about that other annoyingly catchy song that hasn't been released yet?? Etc, leading to the Pop Star Wars AU premise

Ok now, fast forward to the war and General Kenobi has a lot of… dedicated fans. And a very small niche of these fans found the old spaceyoutube video and are like, omg the general is smol, the general can sing! Which leads to the conspiracy theory that general kenobi and the elusive BK are the same person. But it's a fringe theory, unknown even within the fandom and you'd have to dig pretty deep into the cross section of the Kenobi and BK fandom iceberg to find this theory.

Among the hardcore fans who know of it, it's considered a hilarious crack theory that makes a little too much sense (like the Sith Lord Jar Jar Binks theory)

Fast forward again! Another 30 ish years! Big identity reveal! Omg Kenobi and BK are the SAME PERSON! The video blows up. It becomes a meme.

And now, Space Weird Al who specialises in parodies makes an official music video of the song!

He's done extensive research into how everyone from the time period would look like and even managed to source authentic vintage jedi robes for it.

And that's how Obi Wan Kenobi gets shown this video by a gleeful Anakin while Qui Gon sips tea in the background like it's not his fault all of this happened.

And they all lived happily ever after, except obi wan who jumped out the window in mortification.

#star wars #pop star wars au #obi wan kenobi #qui gon jinn #anakin skywalker #fanart #I have so much work to do #But I chose pop star wars au #Bc I'm worth it #Youtube #“Who is vader” - everyone in this AU

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marshmallowprotection · 1 year

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ray being self-conscious about his scars makes me wonder... how would he react if I wanted to show him mine? (thinking mostly about VAE Ray, ray during his route, and GE saeran bc I'm always thinking about ge saeran) Part of it is, I'm very open about all mine and will jump at the opportunity to tell the stories behind them, but I also want to reassure him about his own. He doesn't really want to talk about or show off his--okay, that's cool, everyone has their own feelings. But I don't want him to be afraid of how I might react to his. I have plenty of my own; most of them from injuries or medical stuff, ranging from almost invisible to the big pink one running halfway down my arm, and they're scattered all over.

I dunno, I feel like there'd be a sense of intimacy in, if he'd be comfortable with it, taking him through every mark on my canvas one by one, and maybe some sense of reassurance (even if it's a small one) about his own. scars aren't ugly, they're just proof that you've lived, and i want him to know that

VAE Ray is insecure. I think it largely depends on what kind of MC you are. Did you know him before or after the explosion? That might make a huge difference in the name of what he went through. That's the difference between something being easier or harder for him. For example, if you knew him before, he would want to hide his scars as much as possible.

Largely it has to do with the fact that he subjected you to listening to his miserable sobbing just as the bomb came to a head.

He thinks that it was traumatizing for you to have witnessed that. To him, it seems like his scars might be a reminder you weren't capable of saving him. There is a part of him that feels like you might feel a sense of survivor's guilt for not being able to save him. Even if there hadn't been any time for you to save him or to understand what he was feeling at that moment. He would feel at fault. Seeing his scars must be hard for you, he thinks.

However, on the flip side of that, if you didn't know him before that happened, it would be a different circumstance. You don't know the depth of what he went through so seeing his scars wouldn't be that strange for you. You only know him as a person that went through something traumatic. You don't know the details of what happened. It doesn't take away the fact that he's insecure about what happened to him but it does change some of the dialogue around it.

The scars are a reminder that he failed to get rid of himself at the lowest moment of his life. They are a reminder that he hit rock bottom and he had nowhere to turn but the most drastic option. Every day of his life is now filled with extra steps to cope with his survival.

Sometimes it's hard to get up in the morning because his body will be unable to regulate his temperature and he'll be too overwhelmed to get up. His scars might be healed but the phantom pain is there. He can't go out in the cold. He can't go out in the heat. When he goes out, it has to be done with precaution and care because his body is sensitive to all the elements now. His scars are a part of him that he can't avoid. He can't run away from them.

He doesn't want to talk about it. He is in therapy now and he has a safe place to talk about all of his feelings whenever they come up, but that doesn't mean he wants to casually discuss the details of what happened. No matter what he chose to do at that moment, it was a traumatic situation and there are things about it to this day that he'd rather avoid. It's obvious that he would rather dance around the subject than confront his scars.

He wouldn't be upset with you for having questions but he would gently tell you that if he does want to talk about it… It'll take some time.

Perhaps the easiest way for you to have this discussion with him would come by talking about yourself. Don't make it a big deal or anything, just casually mention to him the story of one of the scars if he happens to stare at one for too long.

Even if he apologizes profusely and says that you don't need to talk about it, gently take his hand, and tell him that it's okay. You're not ashamed of your scars. You don't think they're ugly things. The scars you have are a reminder of things you went through, good and bad, and they make you who you are. You wouldn't be yourself if you didn't have scars.

After the accident, he became far quieter than he was before. You might not be able to know what he's thinking, but do understand that he's listening to every word that comes out of your mouth like it's a lifeline. It will put a spark in his head that says: Maybe his scars aren't so bad, after all. They come with a lot of terror and dread, but maybe one day he'll be able to look at himself the way you look at yourself.

Or maybe even the way that you look at him.

You might not know what he's thinking for quite some time, but what you will know is the feeling of his hand pressed against yours. You don't care how worn and frayed they feel. You just want him to know that he is worth loving no matter how many scars he has. Just don't feel too tongue-tied if he whispers "you're more beautiful than I'll ever be... and I'm okay with that. As long as I'm beautiful to you... maybe that's enough for me to feel better."

#ask #anon #mod kait #mystic messenger #mm #mysme #mysticmessenger #saeran #saeran choi #choi saeran #vae ray #ray choi #choi ray #ray mm #ray mysme #mysme ray #mm ray #ray mystic messenger #mystic mesenger ray

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commonwealthoccurences · 2 years

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One Day At A Time

Ao3 Link

Request: can i get something with cait triggering a female sole survivor's later in life gay awakening and both of them being awkward about it? like i feel like cait is used to being more blunt and forward, but with the ss, it's more uncertain bc of the whole dead husband & missing child thing and doesn't want to scare off her one real friend; with a repressed f!ss, i feel like there would be a lot of fear and feeling "am i allowed to feel like this and also do i even care". i just think this pairing is underrated and has a lot of potential owo

Word Count: 2,742

Contains: Female, sapphic SoSu, internalized homophobia and misogyny. Pre-War times viewed through the lens of it being closer to the 1950s in vibes. Less escapism and more realism in this one. Internal conflict with a happy ending. Cait has trauma (obviously). Canon typical violence. Mutual pining.

It wasn’t right.

At least that’s what Sole told herself, before she buried every thought related to it.

All of her life, her identity had been defined by everyone else. Before the War, she was Nate’s Wife. Her official title, like it was branded on her forehead and the only thing people saw, before they even saw her as a person. Then, she was the mother of Nate’s child. Shawn’s mother. Nate’s wife and Shawn’s mother. Never Sole.

Not even a nuclear war changed that.

She was the widow, the woman with a missing son, a heartbreaking story that spread though Diamond City, then the Commonwealth as a whole, as her reputation grew. Did you hear how she lost her husband? Did you hear that her son was kidnapped? Sole was offered condolences before she was asked about herself, given pity before congratulations at how she stepped up to take charge of and rebuild the Minutemen. A widow before a leader. A mother before a person.

Sometimes, the anger was so overwhelming Sole had to grit her teeth to keep from punching something. It was astonishing, the way bombs had dropped and her entire world had ended, and yet she couldn’t escape the way she was never her own person. Always what she could give, never what she could accomplish.

Sometimes, the guilt ate her alive. and she wished she had never survived the war.

What kind of mother, what kind of person was irritated that she was defined by her son and a dead husband who had supposedly loved her? What kind of mother was so selfish as to want to be anything but? Of course, she would give anything to get Shawn back, even to just get closure and find out what had happened to him. That was a given. But every interaction was a reminder of what she had no longer had, and the way she would never be the same.

It seemed that the only recognizable thing about her, to strangers amongst the Commonwealth, was her grief. Her loss.

Until she met Cait.

Until there was a turning point in their friendship.

That fight at the Combat Zone had left them both panting and bruised, spitting blood onto the dirty floor, which had already been riddled with stains of the countless fights beforehand. Sole had never felt more alive, being reduced to the bare bones of her identity as someone who could fight. Who survived. Not nurturing, but destructive.

There was relief in the stinging pain of her split lip.

And there was panic in the way she felt her heart stutter when Cait stood first, swaying on her feet, and reached out a hand to help Sole up. She was backlit by the overhead lights and there was respect in her eyes, a glimmer of a challenge as the blood from her knuckles dripped down onto the ground beside Sole.

Sole took her hand and nearly stumbled into Cait when she hauled her to her feet, but she couldn’t be sure if it was due to her injuries or something else. With a smirk and a nod, Cait clapped her on the shoulder and left to go treat her own wounds. That was the routine. Sole never followed her, never helped. They stuck to the routine until they didn’t.

Sole watched Cait’s contract become more and more ridiculous, the fights becoming higher and higher stakes, and she knew it would end fatally one day if things kept escalating. The rage came bubbling back up, for a different reason this time. Cait had no way to get out on her own– she knew that if she took off she would be found, and she’d die anyway.

So maybe Sole wasn’t the greatest decision maker and had some impulse issues. They could argue about that another time. Even if Cait hated her for intervening, holding strong to her conviction of being entirely independent no matter the cost, Sole couldn’t stand idly by. Maybe there was still some of that protective nature left in her, or maybe she was just that quick to fly off the handle.

Regardless, Sole hadn’t hesitated to kick down the door to the Combat Zone and start firing. The audience was full of raiders, only interested in watching Cait get the shit kicked out of her in creative ways, and so she felt no guilt. And she still felt no guilt when she held the barrel of her gun underneath the chin of Cait’s contract-holder and calmly asked for her release.

Scum to the end, said holder offered her the transfer of the contract for a small sum of caps. A generous offer, really, he insisted. Cait was a fighter– a weapon. Sole still didn’t feel guilt when she pulled the trigger and felt his blood splatter her face.

Cait had stared at her with a weight in her gaze, though Sole couldn’t figure out what it was. Years later, Cait would recall that it was the first time she could remember someone ever protecting her. At that time, however, she had simply walked away to clean her wounds. Sole, fatefully, followed her.

Her little refuge from the rest of the Combat Zone turned out to be a dark room, hardly lit by a flickering light over a sink. Cait’s cot was in one corner on the floor, riddled with tears in the fabric and bloodstains from the nights she didn’t have the energy to patch herself up. There was a sink and a toilet that Sole was surprised were even provided, and a little stack of non-perishable food in the corner.

All of the times Sole had bit back an offer to let Cait come to Sanctuary rang back to her in her head. She knew it wouldn’t have ended well. Any time Cait got an inkling that something offered could turn into a debt, she lashed out and ran. Sole didn’t blame her, exactly, especially considering she had enough on her plate when it came to owing people, but Sole’s chest ached for a reason she refused to place.

“Sit.” Cait pointed at the sink.

Was it even steady enough? Sole could tell there was no room to argue, however, at the venom in Cait’s tone. She braced her hands on the cold ceramic and hopped up, wincing as she exasperated a slash in her thigh– a raider had snuck up on her at one point and though she acted quickly, they managed to get a quick jab at her with a knife as they went down. The adrenaline was wearing off and it was making itself known; with every beat of her heart, it throbbed.

Cait wasn’t gentle, though Sole never expected her to be. One hand gripped Sole’s jaw, her fingernails close to digging into her skin, and the other dragged a damp rag across Sole’s face. It came away bloody every time and this seemed to frustrate Cait more as she continued swiping. The abrasive cloth stung, but Sole found herself struggling more with fighting the idea of leaning into Cait’s grip. It was distracting.

Eventually, after she deemed Sole’s skin clean enough with little sign of what had transpired left, she moved onto the slash in her thigh. This time, she was gentle. She was careful not to irritate the wound as much as she could, dabbing with soft motions instead of swiping. The bleeding had slowed to a queasy sort of dribbling, and Cait mumbled a quiet, “This is gonna hurt.” before she placed the rag overtop and pressed down with both hands, determined to get the bleeding to stop.

Sole’s head collided with the wall as she recoiled from the pain, cheeks stinging with the force with which she bit down on them. Blood was flooding her mouth now, too. Her knuckles turned white from the force with which she was gripping the edge of the sink, her vision hazy as she became lightheaded from the pain. Muffled grunts choked themselves out of her mouth, try as she might to hold them back, as Cait stabbed a stimpack into her thigh without warning.

Minutes later, Cait pulled the rag away and though Sole was still trying to blink away the gray that had clouded her vision, she could tell Cait was satisfied with the result. A rough bandage was thrown over top, adhered, and then her thigh was being wrapped with gauze. She stepped back and put her hands on her hips. “Y’ could’ve gotten yerself killed, you idiot.”

“I’m not gonna argue with you about this, Cait.”

The brick was cold against the back of Sole’s head, soothing the wound she’d inflicted on herself by slamming it against the same wall earlier, or maybe it was the raider hitting her with the butt of his gun that hurt so bad. Adrenaline and satisfaction had worn off and left behind weariness. Sole could hear the exhaustion in her own voice, the defeat that came from wiping out a good chunk of the nearby raider population and still being chastised. A familiar feeling of it not being enough, never being enough. She couldn’t look the Irishwoman in the eyes.

“Not gonna argue? Y’ just slaughtered my entire line of work!”

There was no way Cait was going to take up Sole’s offer of coming back to Sanctuary, not if she was already this riled up. Sole was begging the hollow feeling to leave her chest– it didn’t make sense they were friends, Cait was allowed to do whatever she wanted. She didn’t worry about Hancock this way, didn’t fuss this much over MacCready even though they were in similar situations. She had to let it go.

Pushing herself off the sink proved more difficult than Sole assumed it would’ve been. The pain that resulted clouded her mind enough that she missed the way Cait reflexively reached out for her, a hand hovering to make sure she didn’t collapse onto the cold floor. Before she could notice, Cait had forced herself to back up, hands gripping her own arms. She took a single step, limping, before she turned and looked back at the redhead. “Sorry if I caused you any trouble. If–” was she swaying? “If you need me you know where to find me.” Her smile was forced and crooked.

Another step. The room was spinning. Had that stimpack not worked? Had she lost more blood than either of them had noticed? Cait’s hands caught her this time. Oh. Her hands were warm. That’s all Sole could focus on, through the haze of her pain-addled mind. They were warm and calloused and firm against her back and Sole didn’t want to leave. “Yer not goin’ anywhere. Just rest a minute.”

There was no arguing as Sole was eased to sit on Cait’s mattress, her head hanging between her knees as she willed the dark spots to leave her vision. Cait’s hand didn’t leave her back, rubbing soothing circles into her skin as she watched Sole try to collect herself. “Don’t throw up.” She muttered, shoving aside concern with a snide remark.

Cait had watched Sole fight against the current of the Commonwealth for nearly a year. When they’d first met, Cait didn’t trust Sole at all and never planned to. It was easy to strike up a deal with her, to spar together– they both needed the practice, with Sole running the Minutemen and Cait fighting to survive. It wasn’t quite as easy to keep from wishing she’d stay after all of their spars.

The disgust with herself had set in as easy as breathing. When Cait was clutching bruised ribs and soothing sprained limbs, it was a fight in itself to keep from calling out to Sole, to see if she’d join her in the back room, just to keep her company. Who was Cait to need her?

Sole was the hero of the Commonwealth, the general of the Minutemen and God knows what else. It seemed every time she stepped out of the Combat Zone she was off to save the world. Not to mention, the dead husband and missing child that threw a wrench in any feelings Cait was vehemently denying she had in the first place. Sole had a family, a place in a world that wasn’t fond of such things. Cait simply didn’t– she’d accepted that a long time ago.

But it felt right, her hand on Sole’s back, even though it seemed they were fighting to keep conscious. The idea of being able to patch her up after all of the fights she got into out in the Commonwealth had occupied her time more often than not. The need to soothe, to hold, wasn’t a need that came easily to Cait. It didn’t suit her, in her eyes, but she was willing to make an exception for Sole. If only Sole wasn’t so far out of reach, even right beside her.

Despite herself, Sole leaned into her, exhausted by the fight her body was putting up– with the assistance of a stimpack– to heal her wound. Cait said nothing as she placed her head on her shoulder. “Tired.” Sole sighed.

“I know.”

“Can I stay?”

Cait’s heart was in her throat. She wanted to shout yes from the rooftops, but her unwillingness to be caught up in her adoration fought back. “Suppose I owe ya for breaking the contract. Even if I do have to go find another way t’ earn caps now.”

“Then I would owe you.”

She wanted to protest– actually, that would mean they were even, and neither of them owed each other anything. There would be no reason for them to continue that way, though, and so Cait said nothing at all. “If I owe you… that means I’d have to offer up somewhere to stay. Since I took your line of work and home, after all.”

Cait shifted back, leaving Sole to support herself and look at her in confusion. They were searching each other for something, anything, that would reassure them that their feelings were mutual. “Are y’ hitting on me?” Cait couldn’t stop herself from confronting her.

Sole stiffened. “I don’t know.” She looked lost. “I think so.”

Cait could feel the confliction coming off of Sole in waves. She wanted to be snippy, to bite back that if Sole was going to mess with her feelings, she’d better be damn sure of how she felt, herself. Cait couldn’t bear to. Sole looked vulnerable, something she’d rarely seen before, confused and distressed. “Y’re worried y’re betrayin’ Nate.” It wasn’t a question. It was a fact.

Sole buried her face in her hands, her fingernails digging into her scalp. God, she was confused about everything. The only thing that seemed sure was the fact that ever since Cait had pulled away from her, she wanted nothing more than to collapse back into her side. If she buried her face in Cait’s shoulder and never pulled away, maybe the world would fix itself. Maybe she wouldn’t be so confused, and there would be more to her than a life that had died long ago. “I’m not sure I loved him at all. Does that make me a terrible person?”

“Nah, love. I think you were survivin’, even back then. ‘t doesn’t make you a terrible person.”

“Yeah?” Her voice cracked.

When Sole turned back to Cait, finally coming out from hiding behind her hands, Cait’s heart shattered. Her cheeks were damp with tears. There was a desperation for reassurance, a far cry from the strong Commonwealth General she was so used to seeing. “Yeah.”

She gave her a wobbly smile, swiping at her tears like pests and sighing, her shoulders hunched up to her ears. Cait reached out and pulled her closer by the shoulders, tucking the woman into her side with a reassuring squeeze. Sole’s head returned to her shoulder and it never felt more right, despite the tears. “One day at’ta time. We can talk about’it later, after y’get some rest.”

“Okay.”

It was as easy as breathing to lean them both back, Sole determined to stick to Cait’s side like glue. The mattress was hardly anything, practically a scrap of cloth between them and the ground, but Sole didn’t care. Her breathing evened out, one hand gripping the cloth of Cait’s shirt like a lifeline. They’d figure it out. One day at a time.

#Fallout 4 #Fo4 #Cait #Oneshot #f!solexCait #Hurt comfort #mutual pining #friends to lovers #angst with a happy ending #fluff

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hometownrockstar · 2 years

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one time i got this youtube vid recommended to me that was titled smth like "How to write a good twist" and it compared the story twists in Invincible and Squid Games (spoilers for just Squid Games in this post, in case you havent seen it for some reason) and i was like yeah i'll bite bc i like both those shows. so i watched it and boiling down the difference between these twists is: rewatching while knowing Invincible's twist recontextualizes many off-hand moments and lines in a satisfying way, while knowing Squid Game's twist makes those moments worse on a rewatch. and watching this i agreed with the way he explained it, i think he made good points as to why squid game's twist is bad in a typical storywriting way especially compared to invincible which does those typical ways well, but i ended the video disagreeing based on my own experience when i first watched squid game.

I dont think the twist in Squid Game is genius or anything, but the reaction other people had to it caught me off-guard, as they seemed to think it was for shock, or just dumb, or like how that video guy said, ruined the "touching" moments with Oh Il-nam in hindsight. but for me, while watching the scene in the room with the clock, i tried to think abt how it fits into the anticapitalist metaphor the entire show is based and themed around. Contrasting Gi-hun's refusal to use his newly gained wealth to better himself or anything around him with Il-nam's selfish desires to simply have fun in spite of how many die because of it and how he knows his money cushions him from responsibility or any risk in the games unlike the other contestants. and Gi-hun realizing that he isnt like Il-nam, and that he has to move past his survivor's guilt to help others with what he has, the same way he helped Il-nam during the games despite it being a much greater risk to him with no reward.

Taking these thoughts and keeping them in mind during a rewatch, i dont believe it ruins any of those moments for me. it doesnt make them happier or more optimistic, but it recontextualizes this character and his actions and roles into a new metaphor for people under capitalism (as i believe every character represents a different facet of how people navigate through it, whether it be through force, deception, or kindness and community). Before the twist, Il-nam is an elderly man with no family, healthcare or social programs to properly take care of him. he is also seen as a burden on others by those also in the games, refusing to compromise themselves to help him. thus, Gi-hun's actions have always felt like the centerpiece of this relationship to me, showing that you need to stand by one another and protect the most vulnerable, and how this isnt naiveté but bravery. its also strategic, as his kindness and ideas had helped him and others many times throughout the games. brute force and deception arent the only ways to make it.

but when the twist is realized, it shows that Il-nam was never at risk. his money and power as well as his knowledge of the games beforehand always protected him from facing consequences and gave him an undue advantage, one that is overlooked by the floormaster despite stating previously that the fairness in the game is the most important element. Gi-hun going out of his way to help him and this directly leading him surviving several of the games and finally winning, only to find out the seemingly pathetic old man everybody avoided had played a hand in his victory in the end, this sounds like a happy ending to a fable about teaching kindness. but it obviously isnt, as its supposed to be a souring twist, one meant to make you feel like Gi-hun: cheated and just as guilty as Il-nam is. but Gi-hun is able to refuse to go along with his selfish games or concede that it was all worth it in the end, and return to his kind ways he had lost after the game.

this is why i dont think its a bad twist solely based on whether it makes the touching moments between Il-nam and Gi-hun feel bad in hindsight. rather, it emphasizes Gi-hun's uncompromising morals and reasserts them in the end when he confronts Il-nam. and i think a twist isnt bad or good based on whether those moments feel "ruined" again, but instead if they recontextualize it and fit the broader themes of the story in a satisfying way. but i dont like saying this or that trope or rule of writing is THE way to write things, thats the whole reason i wrote this post actually, to show why i disagree with that single view of how a twist "should" be written.

#read my squid game analysis post NOW.

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grandekofi · 1 year

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okay i have some overall finishing thoughts. i think i would have liked the ending better if it felt like borderland impacted their real life injuries rather than the other way around.

if we’re lead to believe some people like aguni and ann we’re going to survive no matter what injuries they sustained it means that none of the ethical or skill based challenges amounted to a whole lot of anything. so it was long game suspense for no satisfying ending.

it also means the moral questions posed to arisu didn’t matter and that he shouldn’t have survivors guilt bc his friends were gonna die anyway.

i think it would have been more satisfying if our survivors had pains and such from the games but had no obvious injuries in real life. they had more than just déjà vu memories of each other. so those connections and collective trauma amounted to something.

idk it can’t help but reflectively feel low stakes bc we didn’t actually lose anyone we had massive investment in

#sarri watches things #alice in borderland #personal

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kinnoth · 2 years

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The list of names that forms part of Thor's back tattoos contains Loki's name followed by a question mark. Which makes me think (besides the terrifying possibility of Marvel putting Thor together with TV!Loki) that Thor has never gotten over the death of his brother. Still waiting for the possibility of meeting him even if he faked his death again just makes me think that Loki could do the worst and Thor would still wait for him with open arms (I know the tattoo is used as a joke but I dream)

man, so i know thor would immediately forgive and forget if loki revealed himself to have survived bc thor is sad and desperate and would literally do anything for and accept anything from loki at this point, but i, as king chief thor apologist, would be kind of bummed if he did

like, i would need there to be a very serious apology from loki or a very good story about why he could not intervene when thor had a very real death wish, survivor's guilt, and then spent the 5 years in between IW and EG self-harming over loki's death. like simply "i didn't know" would not fucking cut it. i'd want a serious rejection from thor ("no. no i am not doing this again. you can stay dead. i'm finished with this. you can stay dead.") until loki sufficiently fucking explained why he couldn't let thor know he was ok.

like i don't even know what loki would have to say, tbh. unless he was physically detained some way, that's a level of callousness that should not be forgiven.

i hope tv!loki falls off a cliff though. i hope he never shows his face.

#internal thor tag

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loregoddess · 2 months

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ayyy there was something tricky about Ochette's final boss, and it was that the final boss has a ton of health and an attack that reduces one party member to 1 hp (which the boss uses to power up and will use multiple times throughout the battle), so having healers is very helpful, bc despite Ochette being lv. 70 I was not able to "deal massive amounts of damage to get through the fight in like, 4-5 turns" my way through her final boss, although I had significantly less trouble this time than I did on my first playthrough when this was the first final boss I took on.

Anywho, thoughts on Temenos and Ochette's final chapters below...

I can add "timeline for when the Kal got wiped out" to the list of things that I just legit forgot from my first playthrough, like I simply did not remember seeing "Thirty years earlier...." at the start of Temenos's Ch4, which is such a weird timeframe (are you telling me Reiza was 7? and she has major guilt from a genocide she participated in when she was SEVEN??), but at least the "Temenos might have been a survivor of the Kal" theory makes so much more sense to me, bc I just thought we got a vague "decades ago" timeframe, not an actual set of years, bc in my head I was like "Well, Reiza's 37, so if this happened decades ago maybe it was two decades and she was 17 bc that would make sense for all the guilt she's carrying" no, no we actually got a timeline and she was apparently a whole whopping seven years old. Anyhow I'm gonna have to unshelve the Kal Temenos theory in my head and turn it over a bit more.

That all said the writing for Temenos's final chapter is...fine. So it's really not that his storyline bugs me so much as his Stormhail chapter specifically bugs the hell out of me (and also I don't like the "genocide survivor joins those who killed her people to seek revenge on them...somehow" as a plot point, like don't get me wrong I love the concept of Kaldena and think she should be in the story, but not as the main antagonist, but that's an entirely different rant).

I still wish we got some sort of timeline for when D'arqest came and turned whichever group of people living on Toto'haha into the beastlings. Like this guy apparently did something on every major landmass, and we don't know when or in which order. (whose name I hate typing by the way, why did the localization team decide to have it spelled like that?)

Also for as...clumsy as the whole "D'arqest turned people into beastlings by taking the evil from their hearts to call up the Shadow, so they can't be corrupted by the Shadow or at least are very resistant to it" is a worldbuilding point (believe me, I understand why this is criticized by fans), I don't think it's as simple as I've seen some analyses write it off as? Like, the Nameless Village is very much Right There, and there is very much something...deeply weird and concerning going on with the "heirs" in the village. Like, I dunno, I wish there was more about exactly what is going on with the "heir" situation in the Nameless Village, bc like what does it mean that the heir is a "vessel"? why does the heir, if they survive, end up with scars across their backs? who do people living there act as guides to outsiders even though those outsiders might end up summoning the Shadow (like what Kaldena was trying to do)? Ochette, Juvah, any of the members of Beasting Village, and also any of the members of Cohazeh's village never bring up the beastlings in the Nameless Village, and even Temenos doesn't have much to say about anything in the Nameless Village itself since he's so laser-focused on Kaldena. I just...have a lot of questions about the Nameless Village.

Ochette's final chapter still gets me like, that is one hell of a tragic battle, and even though I knew what was going to happen I still teared up a bit. (story-wise, not combat-wise, the battle itself was fine mechanically, but the story bits afterwards just get me).

From the perspective of trying to figure out how Vide's influence works and stuff though, it is interesting that one of Ochette's potential companions is able to be influence and corrupted by the Shadow (since we see the purple-y shadow stuff around the companion not chosen back when Ochette was 10, well before Petrichor and Harvey turned the creature into the Darkling), since mostly we only see Vide's influence in humans and monsters.

Juvah also calls Toto'haha's flame the "First Flame" which is a really interesting bit of lore, since we have the Kal who worship the "Azure Flame" and the Order of the Sacred Flame who worship the "Sacred Flame". Can't remember where it was in who's story, but I remember it being said that after their battle with Vide the gods were said to fall into a slumber (potentially literally becoming the various Flames), so it's interesting that we have a religion that seems to have been carried over from Orsterra, a new religion formed by the Kal people, and indications that the ancient beastlings or warden beasts also had some sort of understanding of their island's flame that is separate from the Order's interpretation of the Sacred Flame. I'll have to keep an eye out during Hikari and Agnea's crossed paths Ch2 to see if anything interesting is said in the cave of that region's flame.

ALSO THOUGH because the Scarlet Moon only happens every 400 years, this might actually help me if I ever sit down and sort through the in-game lore to set up a potential timeline bc like, the Scarlet Moon is basically an astrological occurrence (lunar eclipse? that makes it possible for Vide's power to seep through from "another world"); the fact that Toto'haha is a weak point that connects to Vide's "world" isn't really that surprising when we consider that the island is located sorta halfway between where Vide is fought in the endgame, and the isle containing the Gate of Finis. We also know the legendary creatures prevented the calamity of the last Scarlet Moon before dispersing over the world, and Tera shows up in the Kal's mural.

So it's possible the Scarlet Moon occurred, the legendary creatures dispersed, D'arqest began his conquest of the world fighting against Kal and Tera, fighting against the first leader of Ku and possibly the Lumine clan on the western continent, fighting...someone on the eastern continent (the kingdom of Fjall? someone else?) and causing the Pit to open up in the wall, and attempted to summon Vide or obtain Vide's power on Toto'haha, resulting in the beastlings (he might have done this before fighting Kal, since D'arqest had the power of the Shadow when he fought Kal, and actually might have been at Toto'haha first? maybe Kal and Kal's people managed to kill D'arqest and that's why he's buried in Gravell so close to where the Kal people lived). We know he also had to obtain Vide's power or blood somehow to make Claude into a vessel for Vide, so Toto'haha might play into that as well (maybe the beastlings found a way to seal the power of the Shadow that seeps through the Rifted Rock, and that has something to do with the "heir" tradition that I have so many questions about).

I'm pretty sure D'arqest had to happen after the first Scarlet Moon though, just bc of Tera being in the Kal mural, which would place D'arqest's activities sometime in the last 399 years before the game, which wouldn't be that far stretched (Lyblac was only active for like, less than 200 years in Orsterra which is hardly any time). It also makes me wonder if the gods' original battle with Vide didn't occur 400 years before D'arqest, since Vide has to be sealed in another world in order to try breaking through when the planetary alignment is just right during the Scarlet Moon, and a lunar eclipse would have been the height of Vide's potential power (the night side of the planet is in shadow and the moon is in the shadow of the planet, unable to reflect as much light) which might explain how 7 of the 8 gods ended up dead or as close to dead as a god can get. It would then place the timeframe for Vide getting sealed at roughly 800 years before the events of the game's story, which follows the 8 theme pretty nicely.

Which is all wild speculation on my part, but I can't see D'arqest being active more than 400 years before the story events. Also the legendary creatures disperse from Toto'haha, whose flame is protected by the warden beasts and the beastlings (who are, if not immune to the Shadow, at least very resistant to it and therefore ideal protectors), and one creature ends up in the area of each of the other three flames, as if they're protecting those flames as well--and there seems to be a group of people who come to worship/protect each of the three flames as well: the Order of the Sacred Flame, the Kal, and the Lumine clan (potentially, since the current Alpates says she has to "return to her people" and then she's found dead in Conning Creek, which is very near Hinoeuma's flame; one of Ori's journals mentions that Alpates and Rita both come from the Lumine clan, and it's possible Kura was related to that bloodline as well). This might explain why Arcanette has Petrichor hunt the three legendary beasts, to weaken the defenses around each flame? (it would make sense for Crackridge at least, since Tera seems to be connected to the Kal people, and Arcanette could have had Petrichor try to kill Tera before ordering the slaughter of the Kal people, since Tera would have been unable to defend them).

Anyhow this is all just unorganized rambling now, and I may be going absolutely nowhere with all this, but I wanted to get my thoughts written down bc I dunno if we'll ever get an official timeline to clear up at least a few things about Solistia's history.

#this definitely turned into stream of conscious speculation midway through #but I have a lot of unorganized speculation about things #oracle of lore

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matan4il · 2 years

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Hi I dont know what to do with this info so sorry to dump this on you, but. Anita Mills “shot herself last August” at the same time that the Taliban took over much of Afghanistan in 2021, including Bagram which is where Eddie served at least part of one of his tours.

And maybe it’s just bc I’ve worked with so many 20somthing yo disillusioned army vets but I’m having so many thoughts re: Eddie’s breakdown triggering specifically from reaching out to his old unit, because he spent years in the desert with these people and probably transported injured personnel in and out of the Valley of Death for years and he saw so much as a medic and they all were shot down in the Valley of Death and even though he saved them, they’re all dead now and his “Do you ever think maybe it’s not worth it” as a firefighter yeah, but also as a former soldier seeing the pointlessness of so much suffering, is just punching me rights in the feels and I don’t know if this is coherent at all but I’ve certainly thought about Eddie Breakdown for like 36hrs straight at this point sooo

This is a wonderful submission by @hearteyesdiaz! Thank you so much for sending this in, my darling. It hits especially close to home because I too served (as I mentioned, service is mandatory here) and I don’t even wanna talk about how much survivor’s guilt is a real thing. So before anything else, I just wanna take a second and thank you for your work and what you do for veterans. You’re a real hero too, I hope you know that! *HUGS*

And yes, it’s clear Eddie went into firefighting as a continuation of his mission to save lives even after returning to civilian life, so whatever influences his perception of one thing, impacts the other as well. I said in my meta posts for 513 and 514 that I believe saving lives matters even if people then pass away after a shorter period of time than we would have hoped for. In fact, even if you keep them alive for just 5 minutes more, I think it matters. For families to know that someone did everything in their power to save their loved one, even if those attempts were ultimately unsuccessful, I’ve seen how it makes a difference. But survivor’s guilt isn’t about those things, is it? It’s not about anything logical, and Frank kind of scraped the surface on that one when he managed to show Eddie that he was doing his job, saving Greggs, when they were ambushed. Survivor’s guilt isn’t about what you reasonably could or could not do, it’s about the knowledge that you knew such incredibly good people, and they’re gone and you’re not, and it just doesn’t make sense either.

I could also talk about my Holocaust survivor grandparents and their survivor’s guilt. They were so young and defenseless when the Nazis and their collaborators came for their families and communities, there really was nothing they could have done. And I’m sure my grandma, for example, could have spoken to her brother who was murdered, he would have told her he’s so happy she survived, that anyone from their family did, ‘coz so many families, entire Jewish communities, were wiped out in the Holocaust. But I don’t think that mattered. On some level, she just loved him so much and he was the best person she knew, she looked up to him, and she was simply never over his murder or could process how the world could go on after that as if nothing had fundamentally broken in the universe. I’ll never forget the moments I would see her crying at a family birthday or wedding for our family members who should have been there to celebrate with us and didn’t get to, or the nights when I stumbled across her sitting silent in our darkened living room, staring at nothing, quietly dwelling amongst her ghosts.

We can’t change that, but we can try and bring good out of that. My great uncle might have been murdered, but I tell my family’s story as a part of my job at our museum, meant to help educate people against hatred, violence and intolerance towards people just because they’re different. And one group that happened to come and hear me? It resulted in his name being read at a ceremony in our parliament on that year’s Holocaust Memorial Day. IDK, it’s not a universal answer to survivor’s guilt, but it’s mine.

Thank you for sharing and for allowing me to babble on! I’m glad that if we can’t stop thinking about this, we can at least do it together. Lots of love to you, hon! xoxox

(I got an influx of asks, I WILL answer all of them, but it might take a sec. If anyone wants to check whether I've already answered theirs or to read my replies, here's my ask tag. Thank you! xoxox)

#submission #buddie #911meta #buddie meta #911 meta #9-1-1 #evan buck buckley #evan buckley #eddie diaz #edmundo diaz #ask #hearteyesdiaz #personal #holocaust #911onabc #911 on abc #911abc #911 abc

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mallowstep · 3 years

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📖 (foxstride)

ask thingy

@foxstride

okay i mentioned this to you on discord but i didn't go into it but. okay. okay. the au where mistyfoot is hawk, moth, and tadpole's mother. this has been just. it's been chewing on my brain and i don't know when i'm going to write it so since u gave me a blank canvas, i'm going to ramble about it for as long as i can.

cw: implied/referenced sexual assault; brief suicidal ideation; standard tigerclan content (abuse, child abuse, starvation, dehumanization, etc.); referenced force feeding

okay oh my gosh okay. this has. so obviously i've been thinking about riverclan lately. a lot. it's rcam. anyway. i don't want. i'm trying to get to the point and not loop around aimlessly for two hundred words but okay but okay. anyway.

i've been thinking of all the different ways i can deeply traumatize misty, storm, and feather. and maybe stone. maybe i'll let stone live at some point. that'd be fun.

right so i've been thinking of that and my ideas are all over the place. i'm going to let primrosepaw live at some point. at one point i'm going to have stormpaw, and maybe primrosepaw or reedpaw (and...what's the other one? is it perchpaw or pikepaw? whatever) the point is i'll have some collection of stormpaw and some or all of mistyfoot's kits escape but not misty and feather so we can do survivor's guilt and.

anyway so i was writing the excerpt for the primrosepaw is definitely there au (it's kind of not Tethered because most of these aren't mutually incompatible like that au could be any of the others), and tigerstar has that dialogue about kits yeah?

so when i was writing it, i was thinking about just. he's trying to dehumanize all of them, right? that's his goal with that line. he's separating mistyfoot from her kits, trying to erase the meaning of their relationships. that's like. that's what i was considering when i was writing it.

buuuuuuut. y'know. my brain is chewing on it. and it just. hm. Hm. what if. what If tadpole, moth, and hawk were misty and tiger kits. hm. hmm. hm.

and so i am just instantly. very on board with this. there's so much potential.

so i Think the point of canon divergence is the rescue attempt. i haven't decided if stormpaw is successfully rescued or not. featherpaw doesn't for reasons i'm circling around to, but stormpaw may or may not. it certainly Matters in a broad sense but i haven't made up my mind, and i doubt i'm going to write Multiple aus about this. i mean i might u never know but it'd b like writing an alternate stolag: i mean i suppose i Could but it would feel weird.

okay almost burnt my dinner i said i'm very this has just been slowly rotting my brain out. i like Angst and it's been a while since i've written any.

okay there was fmtws but really that got me started. i'm not a fluff person. and y'all know that by now.

so Back On Topic. so Anyway after the rescue attempt fails/partially fails, tigerstar takes his anger out at the apprentices being Alive on featherpaw and she gets to. uh. help tigerclan practice fighting.

"Let me see her," Mudfur hissed. "No," Tigerstar said. "I've told you." Mudfur growled. Featherpaw dragged herself to her feet, and Mistyfoot glanced back at her. They would leave they would leave they would leave and then she could lie down again and try not to think. "You're not my leader," Mudfur said, and Featherpaw winced. Mistyfoot could see what was going on, but she was sitting still as a stone. Mudfur pressed into their — Mudfur pressed in, laying a wrapped bundle at Mistyfoot's feet. "Let me—" "No," Mistyfoot said. "Just go." Mudfur dipped his head. Tigerstar's steps moved away from them, but the shouts and arguments surrounding Mudfur were just buzzing noise in Featherpaw's head. She made out, "She's going to die," and she thought, that wouldn't be the worst thing.

thank You featherpaw. you will suffer for the au as a whole. anyway this takes place...i'm not Quite sure but mistyfoot does have a reason for not letting mudfur in. and that reason is she is in Denial about being pregnant.

if mudfur comes in he'll know (i have not forgotten that cats can smell unlike the erins), and mistyfoot is acting in denial. altho she rationalizes it to herself as being for mudfur's protection: runningnose is a medicine cat too, and so tigerstar could off mudfur without much effort.

(also i tend to mix up mudfur and mudclaw sometimes understand i am talking about the riverclan medicine cat, not the windclan deputy. i just mistype them sometimes.)

anyway so she has a legitimate reason (mudfur's continual survival, which is better for her and featherpaw longterm), and she does not want mudfur to know.

yeah.

all in all, this happens before the great battle. mistyfoot fights in it (again, denial), featherpaw and stormpaw are reunited (yes i think i made up my mind), (wait maybe stonefur lives too, and then both pairs of siblings reconnect, and stonefur is like "oh Shit" and. okay yes. maybe. i don't know.)

(there's a Lot. ohh maybe. wait best of both worlds okay. mistyfoot Thinks stonefur is dead. but stonefur doesn't get a proper burial but at the same time riverclan is Not going to go for their deputy on bonepile and even if they do go for it, they're not going to stripe his bones nor are they going to let a Physical Cat Corpse rot in camp. so when firestar and greystripe rescue stormpaw, stormpaw Insists they go back for his body, and then they realize he's Alive but obviously mistyfoot doesn't know.)

(there then i get the Best of both worlds. and stonefur and feathertail are in the Chronic Pain club.)

(also the thing w/ fighting is also what happens in "someday when the world is much brighter". not that Particular scene or in that Particular way, but it does happen. i mean almost exactly in that particular way. but that scene is from a different fic.)

anyway okay moving on i did add too much chili powder to my dinner but that's fine i'm still not over when someone refused to give me more harissa because "it's spicy" like yes i know i guarantee my mom makes it spicier.

back on topic sorry. i've been writing this as i do other things bc i have so much to say about this and i don't want to wait for tomorrow to share this because it's been just Rotting away my brain.

anyway so siblings reunite. it's...terse. it's complicated.

there's some parallels going on right? like because both featherpaw and stormpaw are basically in the mindset of looking after their mentors (which mistyfoot and stonefur feel Terrible about), everyone has survivor's guilt (i don't know what to call like, survivor's guilt when it's not actually survivor's guilt so if someone has a correct word please let me know) except for Maybe featherpaw.

featherpaw might be the Only one here who doesn't have survivor's guilt. i don't really want to explore the one way she could end up with it. that's past my comfort level at the moment.

but stormpaw and mistyfoot are the most physically healthy, and stormpaw and stonefur escaped.

stormpaw: i have not been hurt by this in any way

everyone around stormpaw: you have definitely been hurt by this

stormpaw: i have not been hurt by this in any way

stormpaw and featherpaw become warriors, leopardstar makes mistyfoot deputy (because stonefur is still recovering and also no longer wants the position. mistyfoot doesn't either but she's in denial and she doesn't want anyone else to have it. mistyfoot is visibly pregnant and still kind of in denial at this point. like it's been at least a moon and she is refusing to talk about it.)

right so i think stormpaw's name is going to be stormheart because i don't know it was always weird to me that stormfur and stonefur have the same suffix. like given Everything that's going on it feels weird to me. ig it'd actually be less weird in this, given that stonefur is still alive, but do you know How Close stonefur and stormfur are. they're one consonant cluster off. they're One consonant cluster off.

so leopardstar names him stormheart. feathertail can keep her name because it's pretty.

mistyfoot is a moon away from kitting. she refuses to talk about it. to anyone. whatsoever.

feathertail and stonefur decide to stage an intervention.

(they leave stormheart out not because he's not part of the found family, but because mistyfoot literally will not tolerate a single word about this. like a single word. like she will growl at you if you look at her stomach for too long.

so given the fairly high odds that mistyfoot gets violent, they keep stormheart out of it. she's the least likely to attack stonefur and feathertail.

stormheart finds out about this later and is like "do you guys realize if this went south you had absolutely 0 control over the situation. like what are you guys going to do. you incapable of doing anything to stop her if something goes wrong."

feathertail is like "yes. that's the point."

feathertail is both kind of right and also very internally messed up from being used for "training" when she wasn't allowed to fight back. feathertail also hates if you call her by just her prefix. she does not tell anyone this. misty is aware of this, and she tells stone and storm, and riverclan does eventually figure it out. plus it's not like feathertail is close enough to anyone else for them to call her "feather".

okay i'm getting off topic sorry i've been working on a tpb thing for swtwimb, and the one scene i have is cats making fun of her for not fighting back (again she is not allowed to they might kill her if she does), so they call her "featherkit" and that eventually gets brought down to feather and i'm rambling anyway On topic again.)

so stonefur and feathertail are like. "mistyfoot you are like. a half moon away from kitting. it is impairing your ability to do warrior duties. you need to like. acknowledge this."

anyway after a very terse conversation. after a veeery terse conversation, where mistyfoot is like. very close to just absolutely abandoning riverclan. they get her to admit that yes she is pregnant and yes she needs to stop doing warrior duties for the moment.

she wasn't exactly Healthy when she was pregnant because even tho tigerstar made a Point of making her like. eat enough to be healthy and also not violently attacking her. she had still been starved for...idk long enough for her ribs to show. i'm not sure what the exact timeline on this is yet.

also then After Tigerclan she did not eat as much as she should have because (a) denial and (b) she had been forcefed and so now she's. not doing that.

oh wow i've written long enough for my grammar checker to turn off again. that hasn't happened in ages.

all bets are off from here on out re grammar and spelling.

okay so mistyfoot isn't going to move into the nursery. i believe mosspelt has had a litter of 3 kits, or will have one as we see in asir, but mistyfoot isn't. she's not moving into it. stone, misty, storm, and feathertail share a den. no one else is allowed into it for Any Reason.

so anyway, they expand the den. riverclan as a whole might? i'm not sure who's good at weaving bc i don't have headcanons for this time period. probably not feathertail, but possibly stonefur. hm. anyway, they expand the den, mistyfoot will raise the kits in this den, everyone is on board with this.

mostly because it's this or mistyfoot like. runs away. which obviously no one wants. riverclan is on the side of...the four? riverclan is on the side of the four. even if they're not like, even though the four don't trust them, feathertail and misty especially (stone and storm tolerate it much better). but even tho things are complicated, riverclan is certainly going to do actions. they're certainly going to try to demonstrate their support.

okay so mistyfoot gives birth to her kits, and she is. not feeling good. about it. she's feeling terrible about it actually. she's feeling terrible about things. she doesn't want to name them.

usuuually in this situation, after the queens (collective) decided its in the best interest of the kits to be raised by someone other than their birth mother, the kits would be given to another queen.

but see. feathertail, stonefur, and stormheart are All attatched to these kits. deeply attatched to them. and mistyfoot is not willing to give them up either.

so mistyfoot isn't willing to give them up to another riverclan queen, and feathertail, stone, and storm all Want to raise them, and also don't want to give them to another queen.

the queens confer with mudfur that it is absolutely the worst possible thing they could do to forcibly remove the kits from mistyfoot. like that is the Worst option. they'd be lucky to get the kits alive, feathertail and mistyfoot are likely to abandon riverclan, and if misty and feathertail abandon riverclan, stone and storm will follow.

they're stuck in a standstill for a while. the four eventually do name them hawkkit, mothkit, and tadpolekit. the kits are about a moon old and ready to be weaned. mistyfoot is still extremely tense about the affair, but she's willing to part with them. she's able to recognize that's in the best interest of the kits, mosspelt's litter is about the same age, moving them into the nursery is going to give them a more normal upbringing, everyone is on the same page.

feathertail, who's having a lot of self worth issues, decides that moving into the nursery is her best bet for clan usefulness (which (a) feathertail you cannot keep up with kits and (b) the whole Place she's in is bad to begin with), moves in with them.

the kits decide feathertail is their mother now (they're old enough to understand that she didn't give birth to them, altho i haven't decided if they remember misty as their mother and if they're told any information re their birth parents depends exactly What kind of angst i want to write), and feathertail is. okay with this.

unlike asir, she's not blindsided with the tigerstar-is-their-father reveal, so she does have some issues with hawkkit reminding her of tigerstar, he's not really her Big Bad Trauma Nightmares. she has way more issues with the riverclan warriors directly involved in her abuse.

anyway, i don't know what happens tnp era stuff. i haven't gotten that far yet. maybe this will be another au where hawk and/or moth is a prophecy cat. i'm not sure. i haven't gotten farther than this.

but here you go i started writing this like an hour and a half ago and while i did stop to eat, i also just finally put everything i have for this au on one page and i hope and pray that will stave off the brainrot until i have a chance to actually write it.

#long #like 2.5k words of me just Talking #but this has just been consuming my brain holy shit #thanks for giving me unrestrained access to just talk about it #also like for anyone interested in this ask game #i'm not going to give you something this dark #unless you ask off anon and i know you're okay with that #i already mentioned this to fox #usually i don't talk about anything above pg-13 on tumblr but this has been literally rotting my brain away #i have never meant brain rot so literally #ask #ask game #mine #txt

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floorbe · 3 years

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INSPIRATION HAS STRUCK. ok id like to order a gundham x reader where (SPOILERS FOR SDR2 CHAPTER 4, 5, and 6) reader is the killer of chapter 4 instead of gundham (bc HE SHOULD HAVE SURVIVED) and when reader wakes up from her ✨c o m a✨ (because like you know she was executed) gundhams just there, waiting and comforting her as the memories (killing, being executed, gundhams heartbreak as she said goodbye, etc) come back✌️🥺 and so shes just apologizing but gundhams like its ok!! ty in advance🥺💕

yeah!!! spoilers under the cut// tw death// tw descriptions of execution

God, why does everything hurt so much? It feels like you’ve been dragged to Hell and back with the amount of burning coursing through your body right now. Stabbing pains hit you everywhere they can reach, and you let out a whimper as it hits you full force as you come back into consciousness. You barely notice the blinding light that unwelcomingly greets you as you try to open your eyes, too overwhelmed by the rest of your (Broken? It sure feels like it) body.

The stark white ceiling above you doesn’t help your eyes get used to the new light, and you end up groaning quietly instead as you try to make out your surroundings. What had you done to make you end up here? Your mind is foggy, and the last the thing you remember is-

“Y-Y/N!” a familiar voice startles you from your attempted memory, and you snap your head to the door, instantly hissing as the motion causes more pain to shoot through you. You feel your hand being taken into someone else's, shakily interlacing your fingers together as the newcomer sighs softly. You struggle to make out their features, your eyes are still adjusting, but you could never forget how his hand felt in yours.

“G-Gundham,” you rasp out, blinking blearily as you feel his head clench around yours, “Wh-what...?” Your voice breaks off, and you realize just how dry your throat is. Gundham seems to realize your plight, for he releases your hand for a moment and you hear his footsteps receding. Your eyes are finally able to recognize your surroundings as Gundham enters the room again, holding a small paper cup and sitting in a chair beside your bed.

You take the cup with shaky hands, pausing to frown at how disheveled Gundham looks. While he’s always had dark circles under his eyes, they’d now become much more significant. Coupled with his messy hair (he’d always made sure to keep it pristinely in shape... what happened to you?), it’s obvious that something had been keeping him stressed.

You take a sip of the cool water, licking your lips as you feel it run down your coarse throat. You greedily gulp down more as it brings relief, only briefly trying to hold yourself back from drinking too much at once. It felt too good to wait, and suddenly you felt parched. How long had you been out? Another question to the ever growing pile.

As you hand the cup back to Gundham to set down on the desk beside you, you feebly try to remember anything from what happened before you were knocked out. What had you been doing? You remember... being hungry. You wince at that intense memory. At least you don’t seem to be too hungry anymore, you try to reason; or maybe you just don’t feel it yet.

You’re interrupted yet again by Gundham; this time he grasps your hand within both of his own, and when you look up to meet his gaze you hold back a gasp at the unshed tears in his eyes. “M-my dear,” he starts, and you can hear his voice crack as a tear rolls down his face, “I-... I thought you...” He intakes sharply, averting his eyes as another tear streams down his cheek.

You reach your free hand up to cup his face, bringing him back to look at you. “Gundham...” you start, “What... what happened?” There’s a moment of silence, confusion warping his face as his eyes flick around yours. He swallows thickly as a look of realization crosses over, and he bites his lip harshly, seemingly to keep more tears from falling. It doesn’t work.

“Y-you- you don’t recall,” it’s a statement more than a question, but you nod anyway. He squeezes his eyes shut, his hands tightening their grip on your hand as he lowers his head. “Oh, my love...” he murmurs, and you can see his shoulders jerk as he silently sobs.

You feel dread fill the pit of your stomach as you tug him closer to you, sitting up more in order to take as much of him into your arms as you can in this position.

Hungry. You were hungry. Why were you hungry? Why didn’t you eat?

Right, you realize as images of strawberry and grape house flash in your mind, it was a motive. What else?

“Y-you...” Gundham suddenly speaks up, head raising to look at you with a pained expression, “You k-killed Nekomaru, Y/N.”

...What?

A sudden image of robot Nekomaru flashes in your head, and you gasp as you watch your hand reach out to hit the button on the back of his head. You barely register the tears filling your eyes as the lump in your throat rises, making your breath hitch as the memories flood through you.

“Oh, God,” you sob, “Oh, God, Gundham I-I did kill him...”

Then, as suddenly as your memories of Nekomaru came, come the memories of you being executed. You remember Gundham’s confused and hurt expression as you’d said goodbye to him, and a panic starts to rise in your throat. The tears overflowing from both of your eyes as he sobbed, asking you why. Why didn’t you tell him? Why did you take that risk for us? Why not him instead?

You vividly remember the metal claw tightening around your throat. You were yanked backwards, the choking sensation overriding any fear you felt as you watched the other survivors hold Gundham back as he immediately tried to sprint after you.

“Do not take them!” he had screamed out, sobbing as you watched him fade from view, “Not them! I volunteer, take me inst-!”

You remember the excruciating pain from your punishment. The mashing of your body as you felt it break, as you felt the life in your form slowly drain. You vaguely remember hearing screams, sobs... whether they were yours or your classmates, you can’t tell. And then nothing. Dull, numb, soothing nothing. The strong ache in your bones suddenly makes sense, and so do the many wrappings around the visible parts of your body.

You’re brought back to the present as you feel Gundham’s lips press against the back of your hand. Refusing to meet his gaze, you hunch over into yourself, violently shaking as guilt sends sparks of emotion through your body. You sob out apologies to him, your shoulders jerking as he quickly takes you into his arms, holding you tightly to him. “I-it’s okay, my dear,” he shakily reassures you, his breathing staggered as he tries to calm himself, "It- it’s going to be alright, now.”

It shouldn’t be alright. You killed Nekomaru. Even if you did it to save everyone, you still killed him. You’re about to go on about how he shouldn’t be holding you, shouldn’t be crying for a murderer like you when the door slams open. You both flinch, heads snapping to the door, now hanging off of its hinges. Dread seeps into you as you watch Monokuma’s short body enter the room; you’re painfully aware of the maliciously humorous glint in his eyes, and if he could smile, you’re sure he would be.

“Well, well, well,” he starts, and it sounds like he’s holding back a laugh as Gundham’s hold tightens, “Look who’s finally up! I gotta say, I really didn’t expect you to live through that one! Everyone out there is so-o tense wondering whether if you’re going to wake up or not... talk about a tease!” He raises a paw to scratch the back of his head innocently, “Guess I’ll have’ta try harder this time!”

You and Gundham share a panicked glance before Gundham speaks, an edge to his voice, “Listen to me, bear-”

“Well,” Monokuma cuts him off immediately, sharp teeth gleaming as he advances towards you, leaving you clutching Gundham’s coat as he futilely moves in front of you to shield you from him, “It’s time for the thrilling sequel to our cliffhanger! For the hopefully last time, because who likes trilogies, right?” He cackles as he reaches behind him to reveal a button. The button. “Let’s give it everything we’ve got... again! It’s punishment time!”

#tw death #tw execution #GUNDHAM TANAKA x reader #danganronpa imagine #danganronpa scenario #GUNDHAM TANAKA #danganronpa #dr2 #gleamingstars

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angeltrapz · 2 years

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Idk if you’ve done this already but have you done a fic about David l? He’s too underrated and it would be cool to know what you think after his game :)

I haven't written anything yet but I have considered it!! I rlly would like to write smth for him eventually, because despite the fact that I don't talk abt him often, he's a character I'm Super fond of. I'm super happy that he's like, a prominent character still despite only being in the short film,, he deserves better & yeah he's definitely underrated!!

As for what I think after his game: I know we see him being interrogated, but I feel like the legal outcome would be the same as in Amanda's case - no arrest being made because of the circumstances. He did what he had to to survive and obviously it wasn't ideal whatsoever, but it's not as though he had a choice.

I've always thought that he'd really struggle with the fact that he'd had to kill someone, let alone the whole fucking experience of being in the Reverse Bear Trap. My interpretation of David is that he's very relaxed, very chill - maybe more than he should be sometimes - but ultimately he's a good dude with a good heart who doesn't want to cause anyone pain (unless he's defending himself). I think that it would weigh heavily on him, because even though he Literally didn't have a choice, it's still terrible to cope with. There's no easy way to deal with the fact that you killed someone. I definitely think it'd be like... almost survivor's guilt, because it was either him or the paralyzed man. That's just. A lot.

He probably quits working as an orderly, given that that's where he was ambushed,, he has a hard time using elevators. He never feels comfortable when he's on his own. He's always looking over his shoulder when he walks anywhere because what if what if what if. He has difficulty with being outside, which is just great given that he still needs a job if he wants to make rent (I HC that he's,, also in a poor financial/living situation, like Adam). He has to deal with a lot of people asking him questions they have zero business asking, has to deal with constant and debilitating invasions of what little privacy he has left after his name becomes common knowledge following his test.

I like to think that after Amanda's test (bc if we're including David in canon, I believe he'd be the first one to experience the RBT), in a non-disciple AU, the two of them kinda like. Meet at a bar or some such place, both recognizing each other from having their names and faces blasted all over the news, and it's like... this twisted kinship, you know? They've both been through the exact same form of hell, right down to what they'd had to do to get that key. I think for them it's a very like... intimate understanding? That no one else really has of them? And I think both of them struggle pretty fucking hard after what they've been through, so finding someone who understands so perfectly what it was like is almost reassuring. Just like "hey, there's someone out there who Does understand," y'know?? They both deserved better so my city now!!! I just really think it'd be good for them both. There's something about this stranger knowing you far better than anyone else ever has that has them thinking, and that's how they end up becoming friends.

Overall I think it would definitely take quite a bit of time for David to fully process + begin coping with his experience, and none of that journey is easy or pleasant whatsoever, but he'd get there eventually. I like to think maybe he volunteers at an animal shelter or maybe even goes to college for recreational therapy (art) to help kids work through their trauma/cope with things healthily. I love him and he deserves to be happy, so I like to think he eventually finds that happiness <3

#asks #david #I love him so much!!! what the hell!!!#in a non-disciple au (he would Not be cool with it otherwise) I like to think of he and amanda as besties tbh #like yeah they have their tests in common but also I just think they'd be good friends #also in an adam lives au they're always brothers so it wld be hilarious that she's besties with both adam and his brother #and ALL THREE OF THEM have dealt with jigsaw (as well as lawrence and logan)#my bestie adam and I have talked abt this extensively but I love the idea that jigsaw survivors kind of create this huge found family <33 #anyway. thank you anon david deserves the world

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