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talesofely · 4 months

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Save My Tears (2)

A Sequel (Part 2) to The (Wo)Man Who Can't Be Moved. (Part 1)

Pairings : Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary : Natasha's your ex-girlfriend, she broke up with you without giving you a solid reason as to why. Obviously, you want her back. One problem, she's unofficially dating Bucky Barnes. So you decided to solve it with a little performance.

Warnings : Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending (or is it?😏), swearing, one line used 'her' as reader's pronouns, pls tell me if u see anything else

Word Count : 2.1k

Note : here's pt2 ! pls let my family go now :c

Natasha.

Natasha didn't want to attend tonight's party. 'Cause the last party she went to was with you. The last party she went to, she was clinging onto your arm. The last party she went to, she slept in your arms.

Unlike you, who always asked if you could be her date for the night, Bucky asked her to be his date for tonight. Normally Natasha wouldn't notice those miniscule things, but it was just so different from you.

Unlike you, who always insisted on picking her up from her room, Bucky just waited for her at the elevator.

Bucky brought her a bouquet of roses when they met at the elevator! You never bought her a bouquet of real roses... cause you always gave her paper ones, ones you knew she would appreciate more since they don't wither.

Bucky asked how he looked and said that Natasha looked perfect to be his date. You always told her she looked amazing, and joked about not looking good enough to be her date.

Bucky bought her a drink and a stronger drink for himself, like a gentleman. You always got the lesser alcoholic ones since you wanted to stay sober enough to take care of her in case she gets drunk.

She hated comparing him to you. But she couldn't help it. His arms just don't compare to yours.

She shook her head to clear away any thoughts about you, wanting to focus on her night with Bucky. She subconsciously searched the crowds for you, but she couldn't find that y/h/c hair that she could always find in the midst of the crowds.

Bucky asked her to dance. They stood in the middle of the makeshift dancefloor. Everyone's eyes were on them, she didn't like it. You always knew she felt uncomfortable being the center of attention. Bucky seemed to like it, though.

She saw how Bucky signaled Steve to sing. Mouthing a song title she wasn't able to read. Steve seemed skeptical at first, but the questioning look from Bucky caused him to concede and sing the song.

When 'Wonderful Tonight' started playing, Natasha's eyes winded. It was your song. The song you always sang to her. The song you two danced together. She's dancing it again, just not with you.

She tried her best to smile, and tried her best to not imagine you as she danced with Bucky.

She remembered how you used to sing the song in her ear as you two slowly danced around the kitchen, at 2am, using the refrigerator light as light, whenever she had nightmares.

"Oh, my darling, you were wonderful tonight" You—Bucky—whispered in her ear as the song came to an end. You—Bucky—kissed her forehead as you two pulled away.

She was going to excuse herself to the bathroom to clear out her thoughts when the next singer caught her attention.

It was you.

I saw you dancing in a crowded room

You look so happy when I'm not with you

You looked so breathtaking, she thought. Oh how she would've loved to arrive and leave with her in your arms. But she couldn't. She was in Bucky's arms.

"Hey, everyone. I hope y'all are having an amazing night. I do hope you enjoy these songs I'm about to play." You said as you clicked the instrumental version of the song you chose, on the tablet.

She couldn't deny how much she missed your voice. How much she longs to hear that voice say those 8 letters she used to hear everyday from you.

But then you saw me, caught you by surprise

A single teardrop falling from your eye

When your eyes met, she didn't know what to feel. She didn't know whether to feel happy, to feel sad, to feel hurt, or to feel angry that she let you go.

That bittersweet smile you gave her, hurt her in ways she didn't even know was possible. She got shot before, she got stabbed, she got punched and kicked multiple times before, but this type of pain is something she's never experienced before.

She wanted to run up to the stage and beg for your forgiveness while hugging you tightly when she saw the single tear falling from your eye.

I don't know why I run away

I made you cry when I run away

She left before the song ended. She ran away, again. She ran to the rooftop. The place where you two always ran together to.

She didn't even notice Bucky following her.

Wanda Immediately approached you when you got off stage. She pulled you into a hug before pointing at the stairway up to the rooftop.

"She's up there. Go follow her, please. Bucky followed her, I'm worried it might not end well for Bucky." She said with a wince, remembering the last time someone tried to approach Natasha while she had so many emotions running.

You bit your lower lip, your hesitation was strong. But the worried look from Wanda was enough to make you run up.

"Leave me alone for a minute, Buck." You heard Natasha say, trying to control her emotions. Her hands are gripping the rails so tightly, her knuckles were turning white.

"What's wrong Tash?" The nickname he used wasn't helping. You used to call her that all the time.

"Please, Bucky, just 5 minutes. Please." She pleaded, you noticed her grip was getting tighter.

"Just tell me what's wrong, Natasha!" He raised his voice. Something you never did in all your years you two dated.

"For fuck's sake I still love her! I still fucking love Y/N so much, that it actually hurts! Is that what you wanted to hear?!" Natasha finally screamed back, turning to face Bucky directly. Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

"Я так скучаю по ней, Bucky, which is stupid cause I was the one who broke her heart. So I have no right to act like it hurts me more, but it still hurts so much." She murmured, not even caring that she was crying in front of Bucky. (translation : I miss her so much.)

"What?" Bucky couldn't believe it. He thought they were both in love, he was even going to ask her to be his girlfriend officially tonight. "Leave, please." Natasha forced herself to calm down, glaring at Bucky as he shamefully walked towards the stairwell where you were.

When Bucky saw you, he tried his best to give you a genuine smile. "Her heart's still yours. Don't lose it." He said as he gave your shoulder a pat and walked away.

You took a deep breath before approaching Natasha.

"Tasha." Just one word from you was enough to gain Natasha's attention. She turned around in surprise, wiping her tears hastily.

"Y/N? What're you doing here?" She tried her best to act calm, using all her spy skills to act collected in front of you. But you both know that you could see right through it.

"Was it true, Natasha? You told Bucky you still love me. Were you telling the truth?" You asked carefully, not wanting to overwhelm her. You leaned your back against the railings beside her, she had her arms leaning against it as she looked at the busy streets below.

"What are you going to do if I said yes?" She answered your question with her own question. You just shrugged, staring up into the stars.

You felt her shiver when a particularly strong wind blew past you. Instinctively, you gave her your jacket.

You could've asked me why I broke your heart

You could've told me that you fell apart

"Why aren't you asking me why I left? Why I ran away? Why aren't you screaming at me? Why aren't you mad at me?" She said after you placed your jacket on her shoulders. She was frustrated at herself for ending things with you. She was also frustrated as to why you weren't hating her like she thinks she deserves.

"What's the point of getting mad? Being mad at you won't get you back, it won't help me understand why you left either." She hated how understanding you were. It made her guilt grow bigger with every word you say.

"I really want to ask something though," She looked at you expectantly, thinking of possible questions you could ask. "Why'd you run away?" You felt her breath hitch when you finally let those words leave your tongue. You were also nervous yourself, not knowing what to expect from your ex-girlfriend.

"I was scared." She took a deep breath before continuing, "You're just too perfect. We were so perfect that it terrified me. Nothing stays that good that long. Everything had consequences. Maybe the consequence for me was that you moved on so quickly."

But you walked past me like I wasn't there

And just pretended like you didn't care

Your brows furrowed. 'You moved on too quickly'?

"But I haven't moved on, Nat. What gave you the idea that I already did?"

"You just walk past me everyday at the compound ever since you returned. I thought you didn't care about it anymore." She finally looked at you, both your eyes meeting like they were always destined to meet.

"'Cause I didn't want to hold you back, Natasha. I thought it'd help us both move on if we acted like nothing happened. I guess it didn't, I'm sorry." You were always so nice. Natasha hated it. She hated the fact that she feels like she's abusing your kindness and that she couldn't do anything about it.

Take me back 'cause I wanna stay

Save your tears for another

"Does that mean you still love me?" Natasha hesitantly asked, biting her lower lip.

"Of course, Tash." You said with a small sad smile. A smile immediately made itsm's way to her face. But when she saw your smile, her's faltered and her brows furrowed.

"I'm assuming there's a 'but' to that sentence?"

You nodded slowly, giving her a smile that made her worries grow.

"I never stopped loving you, Tasha, just... not in the same way as before." Natasha felt her heart drop. No matter how much she tried to stop the tears from falling, she couldn't stop them when she heard those words from you.

"What do you mean, Y/N?"

Yeah, I broke your heart like someone did to mine

And now you won't love me for a second time

You bit your lower lip, trying to find the right words to explain it properly to her.

"I still love you, but you hurt me, Tasha. I understand you got scared, but if you really loved me you would've told me. You should've explained your feelings and worries to me. We could've gotten through that together." You hated seeing her cry, more so being the reason she's crying. But you needed to tell her this, you both needed it to move on.

"I'm sorry. Does that mean we— you don't want me back anymore?" She asked in a voice so quiet you could barely hear it.

I realize that I'm much too late

And you deserve someone better

Your smile broke all her hopes. She started sobbing quietly, something she's never done before. She's a silent crier, so hearing her sob hurts you way more than you expected. You immediately pulled her into a hug, confusing her but her mind was too foggy to even question it. Her arms instinctively went around your neck as she buried her face into the crook of your neck.

Save your tears for another day

"Of course I want you back, silly. I'm just saying that we need to work to get back to where we were before. I won't ever let you go again, Natasha, so please don't let go either." You whispered into her ear. Every part of Natasha came back to life the moment those words left your lips.

You felt her hug you tighter. You continued to whisper comforting words to calm her down, as she whispered promises to you as well.

"You are the only sure thing in a world filled with a thousand doubts, Natalia. Please don't walk away again." You murmured, feeling her nodding her head hastily.

"Never again, my love. You're the only thing that keeps me sane. I love you." She pulled away from the hug to cup your cheeks and close the gap between your lips.

That's when you knew, you're never going to see her in the arms of anyone besides yourself, ever again.

Save your tears for another day (ah)

note :

surprise ! the original ending was that bucky and natasha ended up together cause y/n didn't want to take natasha back. buuuut i didn't wanna hurt myself that much while writing it so yeah, u guys get this. enjoyyyy!

taglist (i won't do taglists but i will be doing it for fics w/ diff parts) : @taliiiaasteria @itstashaswife @username23345 @wandanatlov3r @esposadejoyhuerta @marvelwomen-simp @artm99 @d3adp00ls @freewaysigns-underpasses @unique0003 @inlovewithalcinadimitrescu @spid3rfan @ellieromanov @mikookaaaaaao @miky40s @ncsdlr @unknownfanfic @pipsipey17 @tarathia @kyky-maximoff @graceher07 (i didn't know if the people who asked for pt2 wanted to get tagged so if u didn't, i'm so sorrryyyyy)

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanov #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x gender neutral reader #natasha romanoff x female #bucky barnes #gay gay gay #ely !! ★#by ely !! ★#avengers x reader #Spotify

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rabbiteclair · 6 months

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Some differences between modern self-reported supernatural encounters from America vs. Japan, based on my general observations from perusing hundreds of each.

(disclaimer: thanks to the language barrier and all, this is kinda by necessity comparing American stuff from a pretty wide array of sources vs. Japanese stuff that's been put into text on the internet. And then both sets mostly reach me through curators with their own agendas. So don't consider this a 100% representative sample or anything.)

American stuff semi-regularly gets into 'I know it wasn't sleep paralysis and here's why' vs. Japanese stuff seems to have mostly settled on 'sleep paralysis is, itself, a symptom of paranormal things.'

Japanese has the very handy concept of reikan, whereas the idea that only some people can see most ghosts exists in the American side, but is far less prevalent.

The American side absolutely loves UFOs and cryptids, whereas Japan barely touches the former and goes pretty light on the latter.

Meanwhile, ghosts from self-reported American stuff rarely get scarier than 'yeah it moved some stuff around and I saw a bloody guy in the mirror' whereas Japan will readily go into 'here is a list of my friends who got murdered by this ghost, and I'm next.'

The type of people who write American ones seem to be much more willing to talk about, or simply more involved with, alt spirituality stuff, so you're way more likely to get 'and the ghost didn't go away even after I did a cleansing ceremony with my crystals' or whatever.

Similarly, American ones are much more likely to end with roughly 'and it's bullshit that the government/religion/skeptics/whatever are hiding this from us.'

On the other hand, going to monks/priests is practically a staple on the Japanese side, but surprisingly few (modern) American stories seem to involve pulling in a priest at any point.

The Shinto influence on the Japanese side manifests in lots of stories involving 'let me tell you about the weird kami that was enshrined in my hometown' vs. that basically not being a thing on the American side.

'Rural villages are creepy' is basically a whole subgenre in Japan, really, and I can't really name any setting for the American stuff that's quite as prominent.

It might just be up to the fact that the American side uses more of the other categories to begin with, but I feel like there's a lot more 'maybe cryptids are actually aliens and ghosts are just psychic phenomena that manifest around aliens' kinda syncretism there.

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ao3commentoftheday · 2 years

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If you're reading posts about people who are being "treated unfairly" by AO3, I would like you to keep in mind that AO3 will never tell you the other side of the story. That means that you're only getting one perspective and you have nothing to compare it to.

All reports that AO3 receives are kept confidential. The person who was reported never finds out who sent in the report. The person who sent in the report never finds out details beyond whether AO3 agreed with them or not. The other volunteers within AO3 never find out, either. Just the ones on the Policy & Abuse team.

I'm saying this because I've been tagged in several different posts in recent weeks dealing with different cases and I'm not going to cast aspersions or anything. I don't know the details (see above). But I will say that I tend to be skeptical.

A few things to note: If AO3 ever receives a report about you and decides that you have broken the TOS, they will email you. Check your email. Make sure the email address associated with your account is up to date and one that you check regularly. In that email, they will tell you:

What part of the TOS you broke.

Why what you did was not allowed.

Where you did it (a link to a work or to a comment or to your profile page etc)

How you can fix it.

How much time you have to fix it (if you are suspended, the timeline will be longer than however long your suspension is)

That you can reply to their email if you have questions, if you want to disagree, or if you need to ask for more time.

You should also keep in mind that AO3 cannot delete accounts. Only the account owner can do that. And please remember that you are dealing with human volunteers.

AO3 doesn't pre-screen content, so it doesn't matter if the violation happened a long time ago. If it's being reported now, then they're dealing with it now. Also, other people doing the same thing doesn't mean you didn't break the rules. It just means those people haven't been reported yet.

If you want to learn more about how AO3 Policy & Abuse reports work, take a look at the pac takeover tag on this blog. One of the PAC volunteers answered questions a few months ago that might shed more light.

#ao3

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beatrixstonehill2 · 8 days

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"I don't know why I was so worried when my doctor put me on fertility drugs. I feel so stupid! I hear these drugs make you dumber, but I think that's an urban legend, just another ridiculous thing the old me worried about! I was a stuck-up attorney who never dated, who woke up at 4 every morning, went jogging, and ate grapefruit for breakfast with black coffee. I was mean, and rolled my eyes whenever men flirted with me. I was literally the worst! But ever since my doctor gave me these new prescriptions, my life has gotten a bajillion times better.

First of all, my appetite and libido came back. I told him I barely ate, didn't even masturbate, I was too focused on work. He seemed to know exactly what my body needed..... I was obviously skeptical about taking this stuff but look at me now! This is my second pregnancy, last one was quadruplets, I think this might be at least sextuplets? Holy fuck, I'm gonna get SO big, isn't that hot as hell? I won't fit into anything! I hope my boss is OK with my huge baby-filled belly sticking out. I'll look so ripe and ready to fuck all the time! After all, what better signal can a woman give to men that she's free to fuck, but a belly full of kids?

Oh yeah, did I mention? I'm not an attorney anymore. My libido got way too distracting to worry about all that dumb work I was so concerned about for, like, no reason! So I'm a secretary now for this lawyer I used to butt heads with all the time. He used to love harassing me and flirting aggressively with me, even smacking my ass. I used to get so angry with him; now, when he spanks me or grabs my breasts I just giggle and get turned on. I love working for him, and when I do extra well he rewards me by letting me suck his cock, or if he's in the mood he'll fuck me when he's in a meeting in front of all my old colleagues. The looks on their faces watching me full of kids, with a massive pair of udders, getting railed by HIM is just priceless!

On the subject of my breasts, I hope everyone here on my OnlyFans likes them. I've gone up six cup sizes since starting these pills! Isn't that crazy? I bet they're small compared to how gigantic they'll get a few pregnancies from now. I'm soooo excited to see how big they're gonna get, or if they're even gonna stop growing. Men absolutely drool over them, and when they see these huge boobs paired with a belly brimming with more kids than I can count, they know it's a free invitation to fuck me. Whether we're on the subway, the bus, or I'm at the bank, depositing my boss's checks..... Guys will take me by the hips and pump me so full of cum it'll be drooling down my legs all day--as all women should be, far as I'm concerned. Full to the point of bursting with cum. I used to be so grossed out when I saw college girls in sundresses, super pregnant, their big breasts falling out, cum hanging from their asses and pussies, drooling down their legs, just gushing with it, cum of their faces or tits as they happily talk on their phones or with their equally pregnant friends. Now I see they were the lucky ones.... And I definitely wasted my time in college not being like them, but it's never too late to be a good girl and show men I know what my true purpose really is. ❤️"

#pregnant kink #breeding k1nk #preggophilia #be #breast expansion #dumbification #free use kink

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roosterforme · 1 year

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The Younger Kind Part 1 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: As a single dad trying to start dating again, Bradley feels like he's constantly running in circles. Hiring a twenty-four year old student to babysit should have made things easier, but no matter how hard he fights it, you're too irresistible to stay away from.

Warnings: Angst, swearing, fluff, and age gap (eventually 18+)

Length: 3300 words

Pairing: Single dad!Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x babysitter!female reader

Check out my masterlist for more!

Bradley cradled his forehead in his hands as he leaned against the bar. He hated being interrogated like this. He knew it was coming eventually, but he really wasn't expecting it today.

"You need a babysitter?" Nat asked with vivid interest. "Who are you going on a date with?"

He groaned. "What makes you think I need a babysitter so I can go on a date? Maybe I just need a couple hours to myself."

Nat rolled her eyes. "Because when you need an hour or two to yourself, you always ask me if I can come over and stay with Noah. And I always oblige, because I am the best person you know. So this must be something else. Who is it?"

"Rebel asked me out," Bradley murmured, looking at his friend out of the corner of his eye.

"Rebel! She's only been at Top Gun for a week!" Nat said, eyes wide as she examined his face. "She literally arrived from Lemoore seven days ago, and she already made a move on you? Damn, some of these pilots are quick."

"She just asked me out for coffee. I only said yes, because you keep telling me I should start dating again!"

"Well, you should start dating again. But I figured you'd download an app, find some cute women and get your rocks off. Not go on a date with a coworker!" Nat said, exasperated.

Bradley just gaped at her as Penny dropped off two more beers. "I haven't done this in a while. Forgive me for not knowing precisely what you intended for me to do here, Nat," he said with a massive eye roll.

She turned her nose up at him. "You're forgiven. But you need to give me your phone," she said, holding out her hand.

"For what?" he asked skeptically.

"Just gimme."

Bradley handed it to her and she entered his passcode from memory. "Just don't order anything on my Amazon account, okay? I like my Hawaiian shirts just fine, and I donated all the shit you charged to my credit card last time."

"I'm not ordering you new clothes," she scoffed, tapping away on his screen. "I'm solving all your problems. Now look at me and smile."

Bradley glared at her instead as she snapped a few photos. "These look terrible," she mumbled under her breath as she switched to her own phone. "I have one where you look halfway decent... oh, here it is."

Then she was back on his phone again, and he just gave up trying to understand half of what she did when she wasn't in the air with him.

"Nat, I just don't know that I'll ever get serious with anyone again. Meredith kind of ruined that for me."

Nat was scrolling along on his phone as she said, "Meredith was a flaming asshat. I never liked her. The best thing she ever did was get pregnant with Noah and then dump you."

Bradley was back to cradling his head in his hand. He did not like thinking about the fact that his ex bailed on him and their son when he was just a few months old. It made him feel sick. And now he was partening alone, which was harder than anything he had ever done.

"Shit," Bradley said, checking his watch. "I need to pick Noah up from daycare. Give me my phone," he said before finishing the last sip of his beer.

"I'm not done yet," Nat mumbled, a frightening grin creeping across her face. "Just one more minute."

Bradley thought about texting Rebel and canceling their tentative coffee date. Nat was probably right about dating another aviator. He didn't even know her actual first name, and she only ever called Bradley Rooster. What the hell kind of weird date would that be like? Talking Super Hornet specs? Comparing tales of punching out and parachute deployments?

He listened to a rapid string of alerts from his phone. "Is someone texting me?" he asked, reaching for his phone. "That's a lot of alerts. Is it Noah's daycare?"

But Nat was holding his phone tight and grinning. "Not texts. Women. Women who think you are cute and like your dating profile."

His eyes went wide. "What the fuck did you do?" he asked, his voice deadly calm.

"Got you about ten dates if you want them. You're welcome," she said, handing his phone back to him.

He scrolled through all of the profiles on his screen. "What am I looking at exactly?"

"Well, here's your profile. I used the only decent photos of you in existence. And that's your bio."

Bradley squinted at the screen. "All it says is that I'm 36, a naval aviator, and I like working out. And I have golden retriever energy? What the hell does that mean?"

"It means you're energetic. They'll take that to mean in the bedroom."

"Jesus, Nat. Shouldn't I disclose important things? Like the fact that I'm a dad?"

She shook her head. "Not yet. That's second date material. They are going to want to size you up and see if you're a daddy before they need to know that you're a dad."

He shoved his phone in his pocket as he stood. "I don't have time for this," he grunted, pulling out his wallet and waving at Penny. "If I don't find a babysitter, none of this is going to make any difference anyway."

Penny took his credit card and then paused. "You need a babysitter for Noah? Mav and I can watch him if you need a break, you know that, right?"

Bradley sighed. "Thanks Pen. Yeah, I know that. I'm just looking for something a little more regular. Gonna try dating again," he said, glaring at Nat out of the corner of his eye.

"I might know someone who would be interested," Penny said, handing the card back to Bradley. "She's a student in her early twenties, I guess. Really smart and seems sweet. Noah would probably like her. She's in classes during the day, but she was looking to babysit at night."

"How do you know her?" Bradley asked, already hesitant to leave his kid alone with a stranger.

"She's renting a house on my street. I ran into her a few times, and we got to talking. She fed Luna, watered my plants, and got the mail when I took Amelia sailing."

Nat placed her hand on his arm. "I know this is a big step, but you could meet her first before you offer her the job."

Bradley stroked his mustache. "Any chance she would come over and meet me and Noah? So I can make sure she's not creepy?" he asked Penny.

Penny just laughed. "She's not creepy. How about I give her your number if she says she's interested in watching Noah."

"Sounds good," Bradley replied quickly, barely listening to Penny now. "I need to go pick him up. Bye, Nat."

"Don't forget to swipe through all your matches!" she called after him.

He just waved and made his way to his Bronco. Bradley always felt like he was running all over the place. As much as it bothered him to take Noah to daycare on a Saturday, he felt like he was losing his grip on his life. His friends rarely ever remembered to invite him to the Hard Deck, correctly assuming he wouldn't be able to go. But it would still be nice to be invited.

Everything felt impossible on his own. He wasn't getting enough sleep. As soon as Noah went to bed, it was a race to try to get every chore finished. Then he had to wake up an hour earlier to insure he had time to get Noah ready and dropped off at daycare on time. Every day was a damn marathon, and he really wished he could get some help.

He would never ever admit it to Nat, but he was lonely. Just the idea of getting to spend an evening eating dinner with a woman practically had him popping a boner. Having the chance to get to know someone again, get to have sex again? He couldn't think about it too long. He'd been spending so much time with his right hand and his imagination.

As he pulled into the daycare parking lot, he sighed. This was the reason he had forfeited dating. His son. His adorable, perfect son.

"Ready to go?" he asked, and Noach climbed up into his arms.

"Yep, daddy," he said, and Bradley carried him out after thanking the daycare staff.

"Let's get home and eat dinner," Bradley said, pushing Noah's dark curls away from his forehead and kissing him.

And this was the reason Bradley would only ever consider dating someone who liked kids and didn't mind dating a single dad. In spite of the daycare schedule, and the exhaustion and loneliness, Noah was his top priority.

-------------------------

You were just getting back from class and unloading your books from your car when you saw Penny waving to you from her mailbox. As soon as you waved awkwardly with your arms full, she was heading your way.

"Hey, Penny," you said as she walked up your driveway.

"I wanted to chat for a minute. Is it a bad time?" she asked, eyeing up everything in your arms.

You nodded toward the house. "Come inside so I can set everything down."

She followed you in, already going on about someone named Bradley. "He's sweet, and he has an adorable three year old son named Noah. They are looking for a reliable sitter, and I know you mentioned an interest."

"Oh," you replied, dumping everything onto your couch. "This Bradley guy? He's not creepy or anything, right?"

Penny laughed. "He asked the same about you. He's very hesitant to let a stranger watch Noah, but I told him I'd give you his number if you wanted to contact him. Maybe you could just go meet them one day. He's not creepy. He works with Pete. And I swear Noah is irresistable."

You sighed. You really needed some extra income. And you loved kids. And you'd probably be able to study after Noah went to bed for the night. As long as this Bradley wasn't giving off weird vibes, you'd probably want the job.

"Okay, I'll take his number," you said, and soon you were adding Bradley Bradshaw to your contacts. "Thanks, Penny. Hopefully this will work out."

You got lost in your research for the rest of the day on Saturday, and purposely avoided returning texts from Greyson. He only wanted to see you when you were too busy, and he never wanted to see you when you had time for him.

"He's being a douchebag," you whispered as you scrolled through the idiotic things he was sending you.

Then you opened a new conversation and typed out a draft to this Bradley guy.

Hi, I got your number from Penny Benjamin. She told me you're looking for a reliable babysitter. Any chance you have some free time so I can meet you and your son?

It was late, so you decided to let it sit in your drafts until the following morning. But apparently it wasn't too late for Greyson, who was now asking if you wanted him to send you a dick pic.

You switched your phone to do not disturb mode after telling him that you would really appreciate it if he didn't send you one. Then you went to bed and dozed off fantasizing about dating a guy who acted like an adult.

It was so late when you woke up, you decided to skip breakfast and just make yourself lunch. When you switched your phone back to receive messages, you were flooded with a bunch, mostly from Greyson. Luckily there was no dick pic to speak of, but he'd sent you a bunch of nonsense while he was probably drunk or high.

Then you noticed the draft to Bradley Bradshaw, so you hit send on that one. You had a reply from him before you were even done making a sandwich.

Bradley Bradshaw: Yes, I am looking for a sitter for my son Noah. Penny highly recommended you. I can make time to meet you whenever you are free. Just to be clear, I want to make sure Noah and I are both comfortable around you before proceeding.

You rolled your eyes. A grown adult man should not be as concerned about you as you should be about him. But, you could see where he was coming from about the prospect of letting a stranger stay with his son. So you replied and started eating your sandwich.

I could stop by this evening to meet you both if you're free.

He wrote back quickly again.

Bradley Bradshaw: That would be great. Anytime after 4. I'll attach my address.

If this guy was creepy or if his son was weird, Penny was going to be hearing about it for the rest of the year.

---------------------------

Bradley was just cooking dinner while Noah sat in his high chair coloring, when he heard his doorbell ring. "That might be your potential babysitter, bub," Bradley told him, kissing the top of his head as he grabbed a dish towel and headed for the front door while drying his hands.

But Bradley almost dropped the towel when he opened the door and got a look at you. As your wide eyes drifted up his body and landed on his face, you smiled up at him.

"Mr. Bradshaw?"

You were stunning. Beautiful, and so fucking young. He swallowed against the saliva pooling in his mouth. Oh shit.

"Uh, yeah. Hi," he managed, moving out of the doorway so you could step past him and into the living room. "Thanks for coming."

"No problem," you said with a shrug. "I'm looking forward to meeting Noah." You brushed past Bradley, and he closed his eyes. Your lip gloss was distractingly shiny. You smelled like beach grass or wildflowers. You looked like you were barely old enough to drink.

"He's in the kitchen," Bradley rasped, trying to pull himself together. "Back this way."

You followed Bradley through the house, and as soon as you saw his son sitting in the high chair, you went right to him.

"Hey, Noah! What are you coloring?"

"Dinosaurs," Noah told you, holding out a pink crayon.

"Cool. I love pink dinosaurs," you replied, starting to color a pterodactyl on the page next to the one he was working on.

"Me too. I like pink and blue dinosaurs the best," he replied.

Bradley watched you interacting with Noah. You seemed sweet, coloring each dinosaur the color he requested. When Noah mispronounced your name, you just laughed and told him he could call you that.

When you bent down to retrieve a yellow crayon as it rolled across the floor, Bradley got an excellent view of the backs of your bare thighs as your sundress rode up. He dropped the spatula into the pan, nearly burning himself. He was also nearly burning his dinner.

"Shit," he mumbled as you turned to smile at him before handing the crayon back to Noah.

"What else do you like to do? Besides color?" you asked.

Noah started telling you all about drawing with chalk and playing with bubbles outside. "I like snacks and movies. And hiking."

Bradley laughed. "By hiking he means walking around the block if I make it home from work before it's dark out."

"Oh," you said. "I can take you on a hike one day, Noah. I like hiking around the block, too. Maybe we can collect some things like rocks and leaves."

Bradley listened to Noah tell you about some particularly good rocks he had found last week, and you somehow responded in just the right way.

"You're in the navy?" you eventually asked Bradley, shrugging out of your denim jacket in the hot kitchen, giving Bradley a view of even more of your flawless skin. "Like Pete?"

He cleared his throat, mixing everything in the pan on the stove. "Yeah, I work with him. I'm an aviator."

"Do you want me to call you by your rank? Instead of Mr. Bradshaw?"

Bradley had to press his lips together, a little scared to know what hearing you call him Lieutenant Bradshaw would do to him. "You can just call me Bradley."

"Okay, Bradley," you said, and unfortunately that did something to him too. "You've got a cute kid. I think Noah and I could have a lot of fun together."

"How old are you?" The words were out of Bradley's mouth before he could rethink them. He almost sounded accusatory, but really he needed to know how bad it was that he couldn't stop looking at your legs.

"Twenty-four," you replied casually.

Jesus. He was twelve years older than you. But you looked even younger than that. Sweet. Too innocent.

"I'm in grad school for nursing," you continued. "I'm certified in CPR, and I can treat injuries. I know how to swim. I'm free every day starting at 4. You can run a background check on me if you want to."

Noah looked up at you and asked if you wanted to build blocks with him, and Bradley knew he already felt comfortable enough to leave his son with you while he went on a date with Rebel.

He could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket. He hadn't taken the time to figure out how to use the dating app that Nat installed, and he was being inundated with matches and messages. He also hadn't given Rebel, whose first name was Grace, a solid answer about when he could get coffee with her.

But for some reason, in spite of the laundry list of women from the app who were interested in going on a date with him, he couldn't take his eyes off of you.

"Do you want to stay for dinner?" Bradley asked as you built a block tower with Noah on the high chair tray.

"Oh, no. That's nice of you to ask, but I don't want to crash your meal," you told him over your shoulder. "Here, put this little block on the top. Let's see if we can make it stay," you told Noah, keeping your hands around the sides of the tower until he successfully set down the last piece. Then you tossed your hands into the air and cheered.

Noah turned and looked at you in surprise and you just laughed. "You're good at coloring and blocks?" He just giggled, and soon you were both knocking down the tower and starting over.

As Bradley scraped his half burned dinner onto a plate, he felt a little disappointed that you were grabbing your jacket and getting ready to leave. Noah looked a little sad, too.

"Well," Bradley told you, watching you gracefully shrug into your jacket, "you're hired if you think you can put up with the two of us."

You laughed and took a step closer to him. "Noah? He seems like an angel. You on the other hand?"

Bradley's eyes went wide, and you just laughed harder.

"Only kidding! I'm sure I'll be able to put up with both of you if you think you can put up with me."

You were young and beautiful, and for some reason Bradley wanted to feed you dinner, even though the food he made looked barely edible.

"I don't think that will be a problem."

---------------------------

I hope you enjoy your Daddy Rooster and babysitter fic @beyondthesefourwalls !!

PART 2

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#bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #rooster x you #rooster fanfic #rooster x female reader #rooster x reader #bradley bradshaw fanfiction #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley bradshaw fic #bradley bradshaw x female reader #rooster bradshaw x female reader #top gun fanfiction #top gun maverick fanfiction #bradley rooster x reader

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xiayannie · 4 months

Text

𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 23𝐑𝐃 — 𝘶𝘨𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘤𝘰𝘢

↳ scaramouche & xiao (separate) × gn! reader

content: fluff, crack ? | 𝐗𝐎𝐗𝐌𝐀𝐒 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭

small christmas scenarios with the two

↟ 𝙎𝘾𝘼𝙍𝘼𝙈𝙊𝙐𝘾𝙃𝙀

hates the idea, but goes along with your shenanigans because it's "christmas" and it makes you happy

he secretly enjoys it

"can't believe I'm wearing this hideous thing." SCARAMOUCHE scowled, staring down at the ugly sweater in disdain.

you merely rolled your eyes, dragging him by the arm to the kitchen. a cup was thrusted into his face, which he took skeptically.

"what? you've never had hot cocoa?"

"I've never been a fan of anything sweet." he retorted, staring at the assortment of sweet add-ons from the so-called 'hot cocoa bar'.

a small realization flashed on your face before you went to rustle in the cabinets, pulling out a newer container.

"I got some dark cocoa the other day, maybe you'll like this better." you hummed, handing him the instant cocoa powder.

SCARAMOUCHE hesitated a bit, but he scooped some of the powder into his cup of hot milk before stirring. your expectant eyes made him feel a bit pressured as he took a sip, expecting the worst.

to his dismay, it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.

"...it's okay." SCARAMOUCHE murmured out quietly, watching as you beamed at him.

"that's good!"

"how about we go put on a movie?"

SCARAMOUCHE throughout the movie kept refilling his cup of hot cocoa, which you noticed, but didn't say anything about until the both of you got drowsy on the couch after the movie.

"...how many cups of cocoa did you have, scara?"

to which he would remain silent for a bit, his cheeks flushing the slightest bit of red as he avoided replying, trying to come up with any excuse he could.

"I was a bit thirsty."

"yeah, sure. and you must be a bit cold." you snickered at him, eyeing up his decked out christmas attire; reindeer socks, plaid pants, and ugly cat sweater.

needless to say, SCARAMOUCHE was not going to live it down. especially since he got caught humming along to mariah carey's "all I want for christmas" despite talking shit about christmas music earlier.

↟ 𝙓𝙄𝘼𝙊

doesn't get the whole point of making gingerbread houses (to not really eat them) but he tries it for the sake of seeing you smile

doesn't like Christmas much, but he enjoys spending time with you

the two of you spent the afternoon making gingerbread houses, and the difference between the two were as clear as day and night.

XIAO's gingerbread house was collapsing in as you stared and compared it to your averagely decent looking one. his face was calm as he continued to frost his roof, but the weight of the sweet frosting was contributing more to the downfall of his house.

"xiao..." you tried to stifle a laugh, aware of how seriously he took the activity, as well as how hard he worked on it. "...good job, my love."

"thank you." XIAO replied, putting down the icing bag to dust off his fingers. his expression was stoic as usual, but his eyebrows gave you the impression that he was proud of his work.

you put a gumdrop up to his mouth, to which he obediently opened his mouth and ate. XIAO's face scrunched up a bit, but he swallowed it silently. you pulled him in for a sweet hug, melting into his side as you laughed.

"...these sweets aren't to my liking." he murmured, staring at the abomination of sugar before him.

"well, good thing we won't be eating them." XIAO's brow furrowed in confusion at what you said.

"what's the point of making it, then?"

"they're just for decoration usually."

XIAO was dumbfounded, but he nodded and decided to brush it off, instead focusing on helping you clean up.

the night ended off with cuddling, sweet whispers and quiet giggles exchanged between the two of you.

"did you enjoy building gingerbread houses together, xiao?"

he nodded, bringing his hand up to lightly stroke your cheek.

"I do not get the whole point of making them, only to use them as decoration, but...I'd enjoy anything as long as I'm doing it with you."

slap!

you giggled like a school girl, lightly hitting him on the shoulder. "such a smooth talker, who taught you to say such sweet and cheesy lines?"

"... it doesn't even compare to that gumdrop you fed me earlier." he scoffed, but a small smile graced his lips as he stared at you.

"but I'd eat as many gumdrops that you'd feed me if that means I get to see you beam at me in return."

XIAO didn't care for christmas. but he now does, because it means that he gets to spend more time with you, no matter how dumb or stupid he thinks the activity is.

#xiayannie's rambles #genshin fic #genshin impact fluff #genshin fluff #xiayannie xoxmas 2023 #xiao x reader #xiao fluff #scaramouche x you #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche fluff #༉‧₊˚.scaramouche #༉‧₊˚.xiao

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unclewaynemunson · 9 months

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More often than not, it doesn't work out.

Robin first learned that lesson with Vickie, when she thought she found the love of her life but ended up breaking things off because the way in which Vickie mirrored her anxiety back to her enhanced it tenfold and it turned out to be completely exhausting to keep up with that after the first wave of butterflies had died down.

After Vickie, there was Laura. Laura, with whom it seemed to work out until she told Robin that she couldn't bear keeping up with her weird, unsettling and way too vivid nightmares about Russian spies and monsters from fantasy stories every other night.

After Laura, there was Julia. Julia, who was amazing for four whole months until she told Robin with tears in her eyes that she couldn't tolerate the cheating anymore. It didn't matter how often Robin told her that sleeping with someone didn't necessarily mean sleeping with someone, that Steve was like a brother to her – and that the whole thing was utterly ridiculous in the first place because Robin was very much a lesbian. Needless to say, it didn't work out.

Then, there was Amy. Amy, who, like a cruel twist of fate, actually cheated on Robin. It was only a one-time thing, a drunken kiss during some stupid party, but it was enough to damage Robin's trust in her irreparably. So it didn't work out.

Up until then, she had chalked it up to a string of bad luck or maybe bad taste. But after Louise (who brought up the nightmares again), Valerie (who wanted some adventure in the bedroom and had to guide Robin through a panic attack filled with inexplicable flashbacks when she tried tying her to the bedframe), and Mathilde (who made a problem of Robin's regular 3am calls with Steve when neither of them could sleep), she starts to wonder if it wouldn't be more probable that it is herself who is the problem instead of this whole list of girls.

“Don't you dare say that about yourself,” says Nancy with fire in her voice when Robin finally dares to voice that thought out loud.

They're both lying down on Nancy's brand new couch, a pair of legs dangling over each side and their heads right next to each other in the middle. Except for that couch, the living room is still empty. Boxes are piled up everywhere, still waiting to be unpacked, but they can wait a little longer.

Robin is happy to have Nancy at her side again. It's been a while: college and differing career paths kept them separated through the majority of their friendship. But now Nancy has found her way back to Indiana, only half an hour away from where Robin has been living with Steve and Eddie ever since Mathilde broke up with her a few months ago.

She hasn't really been dating anyone since, and now that Nancy is also living in Indianapolis, she wonders if she'll ever feel the need to. No girl would ever be able to compare to Nancy Wheeler, after all; Robin knew that much as soon as she saw Nancy stepping out of the U-Haul wearing pastel-pink dungarees, with all grown-out curls cascading over her back and a thick layer of eyeliner around her beautiful doe eyes.

“Well, it could be true,” Robin presses on.

“No it can't!” Nancy says it in such an indignant tone that it makes Robin snort skeptically.

“I'm serious, Rob.” It sounds stern. “I know you and I know it's not true. It's not your fault.”

“You're seriously telling me I've been dating seven girls over the past seven years, and none of it worked out, and it's all because of them? All those relationships were wildly different; I'm the one consistent factor in all of them, Nance.”

“Yeah, but that doesn't mean you're the problem.” Nancy says it like it's obvious. “Maybe the problem is that you've been picking girls who all have one single thing in common, and that is that they never wanted to make the effort to really listen to you.”

"Huh." Robin closes her eyes for a second, taking her time to let those words sink in. She never thought about it that way. “You think so?”

“Yeah. Mathilde was a bitch anyway,” Nancy says matter-of-factly. “I mean, did she ever ask you to explain why you've been feeling the need to call Steve in the middle of the night lately?”

Robin shrugs. “That's a bit difficult to explain, isn't it?” she points out.

“That's what I'm saying,” says Nancy. “It's exactly why you keep picking out those kind of girls. Because if you're with someone who will actually listen to your story, you're gonna have a problem. Right?”

And, well, shit. It's not like Robin asked for a free therapy session here, but... Nancy is right. Of course she is. She always is.

Robin turns her head to the side, exchanging her view on the white ceiling for a much better one: Nancy's face, so close to her own that she can take in every little detail. The elegant slope of her nose, the wing of her eyeliner, the freckles on her cheeks, her perfect lips... Her face in this en-profile position is mesmerizing. It's not the first time that the thought comes to Robin's mind that Nancy looks like someone who should be in old paintings.

“Do you think you'll ever try to find someone who listens to you?” Nancy asks.

Robin tries to imagine that scenario; it's difficult. Not just because she doesn't really know how that would work in the first place, but mostly because she doesn't actually want to.

“Nah,” she says, trying to make it sound casual instead of really fucking sad.

“Why not?”

Because nobody can ever compare to you anyway, she thinks. But she bites her tongue and shrugs, turning her head back to the ceiling.

“That would be way too complicated, wouldn't it?”

Nancy shuffles and sighs; Robin feels her breath tickle against her cheek.

“I guess,” she mumbles.

“How did you do it?” Robin asks.

Nancy's dating history is not as tumultuous as Robin's. After things ended between her and Jonathan, she had been solo for a while. Then, there had been Ben, and then Kurt, and then it had again been just Nancy for a long time.

“Did what?”

“Did you ever find a way to tell Kurt about all the shit?”

“Nope.” It doesn't exactly sound like she tried very hard.

“Why not?”

“Because I did the same thing you did,” Nancy says. “Chose the wrong people to do that with. So I didn't have to think about it.”

That doesn't feel completely fair to Robin; Nancy had been with her boyfriends longer than Robin had been able to keep even one of her girlfriends around.

“I liked Kurt, he was nice,” she remarks in an attempt to point out the difference without being too blunt about it.

Nancy sighs. “Yeah, he was nice, but he wasn't... Right. I knew that from the beginning. Same with Ben. Even with Jonathan, in a way. Or Steve, even though I was too young to realize it.”

“What do you mean, not right?”

“Boys.”

“Wha-” Robin turns her head sideways so fast that she's lucky she doesn't pull a muscle.

She sees how Nancy's eyes drop from the ceiling and slowly find their way to Robin's face.

“Took me a while to figure that one out,” she says quietly. “But yeah.”

Robin wishes they were lying in a different position; one that would have made it possible for her to take Nancy's hand and squeeze it gently, or to wrap an arm around her, or to pull her in for a hug.

“Thank you for telling me.”

A soft smile is tugging at Nancy's lips. She looks at Robin like she wants to say something, then looks back up to the ceiling again, and Robin copies her movement, biting her own tongue again in order to give Nancy the time and space she clearly needs right now.

Usually, Robin struggles with silences; she'll feel words pile up inside of her until her need to fill the empty space will take over and she'll inevitably start rambling. But this one actually feels comfortable. She wishes that they could keep lying side-by-side on this couch for the rest of the day.

Unfortunately, they can't, though. There's still way too much work to be done. So Nancy hauls her to her feet and soon, the couch gets company of a coffee table, a couple of cozy armchairs, a bookcase, a TV... There are boxes filled with books, kitchen appliances, picture frames, video tapes, clothes; there are closets that need to get assembled and a heavy bedframe that they can barely get to where they need it.

It feels like it will never end, but after two long days of hauling furniture around, the apartment starts to look like a home. A home for which Robin gets a spare key. It rests cold and shiny against the palm of her hand, where Nancy has dropped it, and it makes her realize how real it is that Nancy is finally living close to her again.

Nancy's couch becomes just as much of a home for Robin as her own living room. It's where the two of them share stories, tell secrets, laugh loudly, cry ugly... It's where they watch movies until deep in the night, snuggled up to each other under a soft blanket. It's where they read books side-by-side on lazy Sunday afternoons. It's where they listen to music together and where they listen to what the other has to tell about their day or about anything that's on their minds. It's where Robin finally gets the courage to tell Nancy that nobody has ever listened to her the way Nancy does. It's where Nancy scoots closer towards her to press a kiss against her cheek, right before she finds Robin's lips and they share their first kiss, warm and homely and perfect.

More often than not, it doesn't work out. But once in a lifetime, it does. And once is exactly enough.

#don't mind me rambling about stranger things #ronance #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #stranger things #fruity ficlet

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tai-janai · 2 months

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ok so apparently all the voices have a little ability ? of some sort that comes from different forms of trauma responses and the sake of safety so im going to list what i think they are. im open to discussion

tldr: they all are their own form of trauma response

with the obvious:

The Voice of the Paranoid with reign over the system. It goes with the fact that someone with anxiety has more stress responses than the average person, he knows how to keep the heart from exploding. His response is pretty clear, the nightmare is very clearly traumatizing. His focus works on survival from the inside.

The Voice of the Hunted has his animalistic instinct and heightened senses. I stand by the fact that he could hold his own better than any other voice in a battle to the death. Though he may not outsmart an enemy, his focus works to keep the system safe.

The Voice of the Hero is, in a way, inconsistent. I think his ability has to do with adaptability. I also have this minor headcanon that he isn't quite the same as the other voices, since he's always kind of there. He can reach the Quiet even when others cannot. His interactions with and reactions to the princess depend on the player more than any other thing. His focus is less of a Hero, and more of an ally.

The Voice of the Broken is fear in a way Paranoid is not. His fear makes him small, but more powerful. In the instance of "Fight or Flight," his response is "Fawn," as in he will use his power to give in to the fear. His will and fear are very powerful compared to the others, being able to control the Quiet's actions without much effort. In a way, his focus is making himself powerless.

The Voice of the Cold is pretty infamous for being as unfeeling as possible. I believe this is not just his little emo persona, I think his focus has shifted in a way that he has become unfeeling (usually as a result of turning off after being stuck in Nothing for "eternity"). His focus is a straightforward lack of empathy as a response to the trauma of nothingness and murder.

The Voice of the Opportunist is like the Hero with adaptability, but that is not his focus. He works with self-interest in mind. He is focused on self-improvement, with the self becoming the best and most powerful. When others backstab, and when you, yourself are a backstabber, it is often that one learns from this to get a vantage point. He is very clever to the best situation and outcome, not caring how he gets there. His focus is the self's best interest.

The Voice of the Stubborn is a very angry little guy. Fight or Flight, his choice is pretty obvious. In the route of the Adversary, of which he is the foil, his response is to become the enemy. He has to fight her, until it becomes a game where "nobody can get hurt." He, like Paranoid, can keep the body from stopping. Remind you of anyone named Frisk Undertale? His focus comes down to denial and determination. He won't let himself be the victim.

The Voice of the Skeptic is, of course, constantly questioning. Once bitten, twice shy, as we all know. The lies , this time from the Narrator, are definitely stress-inducing, and coming from someone that preaches trust, it is not so easy to replenish the guy's trust in anything. His views can venture beyond what is available; he is the first to think outside of the box. It comes down to the focus of self-preservation, the opposition to the Opportunist's focus of self-interest.

The Voice of the Contrarian is similar, but it can be argued that he isn't exactly a trauma response. He is just a reaction to the self. There is a disorder (i cant remember the name) where its just constant denial and contradiction, and that feels more like him than anything. But we all know Conty. It's very clear his focus is Brewing Chaos. His affect can literally alter reality as the reality is being perceived.

The Voice of the Smitten is ... a little bit sad. I'm sure we all know about stockholm syndrome, but in a lot of instances, Smitten will trauma bond with the princess. It's as if she can do no wrong, right? even when she kills you? Multiple times? And will again? ? ? The sheer denial and willingness to be hurt is, yes, another trauma response, wanting the person you love to be perfect, and hoping that they are. His focus is effort; trying his best to love and be loved. Often in vain. It is arguable that his affect effects reality more than any other Voice.

Last but not least, The Voice of the Cheated. Thought of as weak, but could have been more if he was "treated fairly." Anyone who feels as though they have been treated unfairly in the past knows the desire to have things be fair. In the route of the Razor, he also has an incredible resolve and determination. His stubbornness comes from a need to "settle the score." He can unify, and eventually "empty the cup," as in letting go of his vengeance. All of the voices do not bother him. If anything, he is glad that everyone can have their effect, and he hopes his efforts will be enough. His focus is equality, and unity.

#stp #slay the princess #character study #?????#thats a lot of words #pick your favorite #the voices #stp voices #the long quiet #i have a lot of feelings #traumatized birds #all of them but the contrarian #i think hes just a freak

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bgomtori · 6 months

Text

☆ seasons - c.bg

synopsis - he was her muse, she was his solace, however what if his emotions got to him for the worst to happen?

-> inspired by the webtoon seasons of blossom, hamin's flower, a bit of dongchae's flower too if you squint :)

-> muse! beomgyu x artist! reader

-> right person not enough time, highschool au, strangers to lovers, fluff, angst with happy ending, secret relationship

-> note! rlly important,, attempted suicide, abusive parents and sh mentions so pls scroll away if youre uncomfortable. slightly ooc beomgyu. i cried at hamin's flower, i love this webtoon sm. also this is going to be more lengthier compared to my other oneshots so enjoy!!

he was rather popular among the cohort, everyone liked him. he was attractive, smart, and had an overall fun personality. everyone knew who beomgyu was, girls swooning over him, confessing their love for him. guys always hanging around him, wanting to have a chat with him every now and then. the whole school knew how cool he was, how high his reputation was, everyone liked him, there was nothing to dislike about beomgyu. that's how you know him even if you guys weren't from the same class.

you, on the other hand, were quiet, barely interacted with the people around you. you'd always stay out of drama in order to protect yourself. during breaks and lunch, you always saw yourself finding solace in the art room, chewing down on your premade lunch while painting whatever was on your mind.

first encounter ༘⋆✿

this day in particular, was one where it basically changed your life. as you mixed the paints on your palette to get a shade of your liking, the door suddenly opened. numerous thoughts rushed through your mind, did someone finally find out your hiding spot? is a teacher going to scold you for using the art room? you bit your lip, thinking of the multiple possibilities that may occur. the sound of the sliding door closing made you peek your eyes out to assess the situation, only to realise that beomgyu, the one everyone liked, was in the same room as you.

"finally, some peace, these people can't seem to stop following me around jeez." beomgyu scoffed in annoyance, grabbing the seat closest to him, plopping down on it exhaustedly. you peered at beomgyu with confusion, he doesn't seem to notice your presence just yet. you continued to hide yourself, watching him warily while he continued to grumble to himself.

just to your luck, your leg accidentally kicked the easle, causing it to drop. you mentally cursed to yourself trying to prevent the canvas from falling on the ground. beomgyu heard the chaos happening on your end, and immediately turned his head over to find the source of loud sound, only the find you panicking over the fact that you got found out.

"how long have you been in here?" beomgyu interrogated you as if you were a wanted criminal. nothing could come out of your mouth, you looked like a deer caught in headlights. beomgyu chuckled to himself, moving towards you, taking a seat beside you.

"i'm beomgyu, you?" he placed a hand out infront of you, wanting to shake your hand. you glanced at his hand, then his face, still skeptical, what if he is luring you into a trap to get caught by the teachers. unbelievable!

"i'm yn.." you mumbled, loud enough to be heard by beomgyu, taking him hand in yours, giving it a nice, and firm shake. the awkward tension filled up the atmosphere, beomgyu scratched his cheek, slightly nervous about the silence between the two of you. you sat there, eating onigiri as if he wasn't there, continuing to paint your artwork. beomgyu stared at the way you carried the brush, with each stroke, a mesmerising work of art unfolded infront of beomgyu.

"you stay here during your spare time?" beomgyu asked, sipping on the extra pack of milk he was carrying in his bag earlier. you hummed in response, "yea, this is my place to enjoy the peace and quiet." a bit of sarcasm directed towards beomgyu for interrupting your tranquility. beomgyu remained silent for a while, finishing his milk packet, placing it on one of the tables around the both of you.

"the teachers allow you in here?" beomgyu continued questioning you, he found you quite interesting for not fawning over him, and asking him stupid questions like what everyone else does. he felt safe around you despite knowing you for just a few minutes. "only my art teacher, he knows how much i enjoy drawing, so he gave me the keys to this room. only if i promised not to get caught by any teacher or student. but, you suddenly came in here, man i should have locked the door." you grumbled the last part out, in slight bitterness. however you didn't really ming beomgyu's presence as long as he doesn't go snitching on you, you were fine with it.

"then you, why did you suddenly barge in here without a warning?" it was your turn to interrogate him, usually no one found interest in the art room, so you found it suspicious. beomgyu looked nervous, was he really about to tell a girl he just got to know his secret. he pressed his lips together, forming something similar to a straight line, still hesitant. you noticed his silence, and was about to reassure him that you weren't forcing him to tell you.

"it's just that my supposed friends are practically assholes who just want popularity. i just want to get away from them." beomgyu sighed, his eyes flickering to whatever's interesting outside the window. "promise me that you tell anyone about my secret or i'll complain to the school about your special treatment in the art room." beomgyu warned, turning to face you to show how serious he was with this.

"ok, ok promise." you giggled, finding his serious look funny. beomgyu's eyebrows furrowed, "why are you laughing." you covered your mouth, preventing yourself from giggling any further.

"nothing, just found it funny." you replied, your focus going back to your uncompleted canvas. beomgyu pouted, resting cheek on the table infront of him as he continued to watch you paint the background of your artwork. "oh! right, can you model for me? i really need a reference for this piece.. i need to work on my realism, please." you pleaded beomgyu. beomgyu's eyes narrowed, reluctant to do your request, however he found himself shifting his seat to face your direction. strange. whenever his friends asked him to do something, he'd normally refuse, however he was comfortable with your requests. how odd.

"is this ok?" he asked, he rested his cheek on the palm of his hand, looking at you like a puppy wandering on the streets. you gave him a thumbs up before turning your attention back to your canvas, picking up the pencil from the table beside you. your head would occassionally pop up from the side of your canvas, peering at beomgyu's facial features, taking them in while your hands does the wonders of sketching out his pretty features. beomgyu's facial structure was perfect, paired with his soft fluffy brown hair resting neatly above his eyes. you could tell that he was growing out his hair especially with the ends of his hair touching the back of the collar of his uniform.

beomgyu watched you squint your eyes with pure concentration whenever you'd look at his features and back at your canvas to make sure they matched. he noticed the way your tongue protruding from your lips slightly, your eyes basically fired up with determination to get the details correct. he felt himself smile to himself, watching your every move.

"tell me about yourself, beomgyu. i don't want to sketch in plain silence." you suddenly requested, beomgyu was taken aback, this was the first time someone actually wanted to understand and know him as a person, and not just for his looks and academics. beomgyu licked his dry lips before opening his mouth, maybe he could trust you with this information, "hmm, you know, even if this is the first time i've ever met you. i feel like i can just be myself around you. for the first time, i don't need to have a fake persona to make a person understand me."

you felt your mouth go dry, he left you tongue tied, you didn't expect him to say something like that, you felt your heart rate accelerating– he made you feel special, important. "wow.. i didn't take you as a two-faced person." you joked with him, beomgyu sneered at your remark, feeling the tips of his ears turn red, well you weren't particularly wrong..

"how long do we have left." you asked, rushing your final detail of the sketch. beomgyu switched on his phone, flipping the screen around to show you. 5 minutes left, wow that was quick. you turned the easle towards beomgyu, showing your masterpiece.

"how is it?" you inquired proudly, you were nervous about the sudden silence coming from beomgyu's end. you slowly opened your eyes to see him taking a picture of your artwork, your eyes widened, "hey, it's not even done. don't take a picture just yet." however, beomgyu smirked at you, showing signs of not wanting to delete the picture. he slowly backed up towards the door, pausing as you looked at him in confusion.

"remember our promise ok?" beomgyu reminded, sticking out his pinky, you looked up at him, cocking your eyebrow at him, before intertwining your pinkies to lock the promise. beomgyu smiled at your gesture, "i'll see you soon." waving at you one last time before heading out of the art room. you stared at the shut door, still puzzled from what just occurred. you hurriedly packed your things before leaving the art room to go for your next class.

subsequent meetings ༘⋆✿

the door slid open again, you looked up in curiousity, only to be puzzled to see beomgyu standing there, quietly shutting the door. "you're here again?" you sighed, once again your peace was disrupted. beomgyu laughed, "can't i come here to enjoy the peace as well?" you grimaced at him, turning your head back to the canvas that was on the table, struggling to place it properly on the easle. beomgyu quickly stood behind you, leaning down to help you fix it. you felt your breath hitch, you could feel how close he was to you as he positioned the canvas perfectly for you. beomgyu took a seat beside you, his head on the table, turned towards your direction, watching you squeeze each of your desired coloured paints onto the palette.

"do you not have any other friends?, do you, well.. get outcasted or something? should i help you?" beomgyu randomly muttered out, you felt yourself pause, your head turning to face him, "what do you mean?" completely confused about what he's saying, the back of your neck feeling warm. is he assuming that you have no friends since you always hang around the art room.. beomgyu shrugged his shoulder, staring off into the distance. to beomgyu, he envied you, you get to enjoy your own solitude in the art room, away from the loud chaos happening in the main areas of the school. he's always surrounded by people, constantly blabbering in his ears about different topics that he isn't interested in, he often had to tune them out, or even cut them off to have some silence. even at home, he can't have a place where he could be alone and happy. his parents are constantly shouting, yelling at him to do better. pressurising him to constantly get good grades for every single test, even one mistake makes them go ballistic.

"i did have a friend, but she moved away 2 weeks later. i don't really socialise with the people in my class, so.." you hesitated to continue, not knowing how to complete your sentence. beomgyu smiled at you with adoration, maybe, just maybe he can find some solace within you. whenever you were painting, or just doing anything related to art, you'd look serene. beomgyu found you calming, only you could calm his nerves down that easily.

"cute." beomgyu uttered out, it slipped out of his mouth. you were stunned, a soft 'huh' left your mouth. confused, yet flustered at the same time, your cheeks warmed up at the sudden compliment. beomgyu gave you a boyish grin, straightening his back, stretching his tense muscles at the same time.

"hm, how about this, we make this our meeting place, but outside of here, pretend like we don't know each other. i don't want you to get unnecessary attention from my 'friends'." beomgyu offered, his request was odd. however, you still accepted it, you somehow enjoyed his presence around you. you've only known him for a while, but how does one already break down your walls that easily?

"that's a deal then." beomgyu smirked at you, his pinky intertwining with yours again, making another promise with you. "i'll see you around yn!" waving goodbye to you with a big smile on his face, heading out of the art room. you were slightly touched with how much he tried to create a bond with you, it was cute of him, maybe you'd actually look forward to lunch time now.

everyday, without a fail, beomgyu would enter the art room, closing the door immediately to not attract any suspicion. everyday, he entered the room, the relationship between both of you blossomed. you found yourself growly more fond of him. he felt the same way, he was drawn to you in some way or another, you weren't like the other people in school who would always stick their noses into other people's business. he knew that he could allow you into his heart. he knew that maybe it's possible to try something new with you. you had mini art lessons for beomgyu, you noticed his special talent for art, not only did was he a model student, he could draw well too, that pulled your heart strings.

in the art room, from teaching him how to paint a scenary, to conversations about each other's personal life. leaning on the edge of a table, beomgyu would subconsciously lace his fingers with yours, his head laying on your shoulder, telling you about how tiring it was to deal with his fake friends. you could only try your best to comfort him, since you didn't know exactly how he felt. his thumb would occassionally rub your knuckles, making your heart race.

despite all these secret interactions you two have, you would walk past beomgyu, not initiating any conversation with him, only glancing up at him, he would do the same, locking eyes with you, his hands intentionally rubbing past yours before walking away with his group of friends. thus, you decided to tone down your overwhelming feelings for beomgyu in order not to get too affected by it. therefore, when you saw beomgyu sitting in the art room, a tear dripping down his face, you were concerned, worried, you didn't really know what to do. so the best thing you did was pretend like you didn't notice beomgyu crying.

beomgyu noticed how flustered you were, a light-hearted giggle came out of his mouth, "i'm fine, so don't go anywhere. just stay here." upon his request, you sat infront of him, your eyes filled with concern. "why were you crying?" you asked, beomgyu looked out of the window, the afternoon glow luminating his face, his tear stained cheeks now more obvious, his damp eyelashes fluttering prettily. he was heaven-sent.

"summer break's coming, that means i'll have to attend summer school, and not be allowed to use the art room.." trailing off his words, "i also like watching you draw, so i guess that contributes to the factor." beomgyu confessed. your hands were clammy, did you hear that correctly? you felt yourself blush, cheeks warming up.

"how about during summer break you come with me to the art academy i attended for a tour?" you invited. beomgyu immediately turned to face you, the tip of his ears turning red, you practically asked him out. "sure.." he agreed, his hands quickly grabbing his phone from his pocket, typing in something quickly. he showed you his screen, contactlist. oh, he wanted your number. you took his phone from his, placing it on your lap before passing your own device to him, wanting him to give you his contact as well. both of you typed in your numbers in each other's phone before returning it back.

"i'll text you the date?" you say, tilting your head slightly. beomgyu uttered a quick, 'ok', coming down from the shelf he was conveniently sitting on. he bidded you goodbye, heading for his next, leaving you alone with your own thoughts. you turned on your phone, seeing the contact name, 'beomgyu :D' appearing on the notification board. 'i'll see you on the tour day itself :)' without knowing, you smiled to yourself, replying to his message while walking towards your classroom.

rain ༘⋆✿

maybe it was fate, maybe an invisible string was attached to the both of you to find each other. it has been a while since the day you two went out for the tour around your art academy, you've introduced him to the art studio you always go to after school. you and beomgyu made it your second hangout spot, away from everyone, only you, him, and your art director, but that didn't really matter. you two were closer than ever, telling each other about your secrets, ranting to each other about everything, basically attached by the hip.

school started again after the long summer break, the both of you went back to pretending like you didn't know about each other's existence. you ended classes earlier than him, since you were in the art stream. beomgyu on the other hand, he had lessons all the way till 4, as he was in the top class, which has more subjects compared to a normal senior year class, even if he wanted to skip lessons to spend more time with you, he can't, his parents were another issue. if his parents found out that he pulled out of his cram school, and went to your art studio with the funded money, who knows what would happen to him.

you stood near the entrance of the school's main doors, waiting for him to go to the art studio together, noticing that the sky was overcast, yet there was no wind whatsoever. the humidity and heat was getting to you, tying your hair in hopes of cooling yourself down. suddenly you felt something cold being placed at the back of your neck, you shrieked in fear, only to realise that beomgyu was standing behind you with a chilled can of pocari, placing it on the top of your head, giving it to you.

"sorry to keep you waiting." beomgyu apologised, peeping his head out of the sheltered doorway to check the weather, it was going to rain. he turned to you as you chugged down the can of pocari as if it was your last drink.

"oh? you tied your hair, huh? didn't you let it loose just now?" his eyes squinting at you, you felt flustered under his gaze, "i was waiting for you, and it was really humid, so i tied my hair!" you retorted, your lips forming into a pout. "hmm, for sure. you look cuter with your hair tied up anyways." beomgyu teased, his smirk rubbing you off. you smacked his shoulder, while he laughed at you.

just a few moments after, the sky was completely dark, droplets of rain pouring down from the sky immediately. you looked out at the sky, slightly happy about the sudden downpour, you loved the rain, it was relaxing. just listening to the sounds of rain droplets falling and hitting the concrete floor was soothing to you.

"the rain makes the summer air so much more suffocating." beomgyu grumbled beside you, about to grab his umbrella, however you stopped him. "let's go! this is the best way to feel freedom." you giggled, holding beomgyu's hand to pull him out into the rain. your bright, radiant smile made beomgyu flush, he usually hated the rain, let alone play in it, but it was different when it was with you.

"if you're going to grab onto my hand, at least do it properly." beomgyu mumbled, his fingers making it's way to intertwine with yours. "even so, this is more fun than i thought." beomgyu admitted, you beamed even more after hearing that, you hands squeezing his as you jumped into puddles, running around in the rain with him. after that fun, eventful journey, you two finally arrived at the art studio, greeting your art director with both your hairs' dripping, clothes stuck to your skin.

"oh dear! come, take some of my clothes, i'll go wash and dry these for you." the art director sighed, tossing her clothes onto the couch for you and beomgyu to change into. you burst out in laughter when you saw beomgyu, sitting on the couch, waiting for you, the clothes were too small for him. he glared at you, "shut up, sit here with me." beomgyu grumbled, patting the seat next to him, you obediently went beside him. the both of you shared the blanket, warming yourselves up.

"hmm, you know, whenever i'm with you, i get more talkative. usually i'm uncomfortable with such things, but why is it ok when i'm with you?" beomgyu said, leaning his head to his hand, looking straight into your eyes.

"oh, i hear a lot from my friends that i seem harmless." you joked, laughing to yourself, beomgyu smiled along with you, his eyes softened as he admired your pretty smile, and rosy cheeks.

"i think i know what they mean. but it's more like..." beomgyu trailed, trying to find a word to describe it.

"what? you're gonna tease me again, aren't you?" you scoffed, knowing that he loves joking around with you, he enjoyed looking at your angry look, it was cute.

"you're lovable?" your eyes widened in confusion, your cheeks flushing to a light hue a red, nothing came out of your mouth, you were speechless. beomgyu noticed your reaction, pink dusting his cheeks, the tip of his ears turning red. you laughed at him, pointing out how flustered he was.

"you make me like this yn." beomgyu pulled on his ears, in attempt to hide them, finally lifting his head up from the palm of his hand to look at your better. he inched closer to you, faces just centimeters away from one another, his mind clouded with thoughts of you, your lips, everything about you, "tell me if you hate it ok?" asking for consent.

"i don't.. hate it." you reassured him. beomgyu's lips tugged upwards before closing the gap between the two of you. you tasted like vanilla, probably from the lipbalm you were before school, he wanted more but was afriad that you would feel uncomfortable, pulling away after awhile. the kiss was short but pure. a small, 'ah' coming out of your mouth, feeling slightly disappointed that it ended.

beomgyu leaned towards you, whispering into your ear, "by the way, that was my first kiss." hearing that shocked you, he has never kissed anyone before? you were his first. "me too.." you trailed off, nervously glancing around the art studio. "it was pretty obvious." beomgyu chuckled as you turned your head towards him, your cheeks burning further, "huh how!? what do you m-"

"i'm back kids!" the art director interrupted your sentence, holding onto a basket with your uniforms. you and beomgyu turned towards her with red faces, she looked shocked and apologised, leaving your uniforms on the counter before continuing to mind her own business. the two of you turned back to each other and giggled. maybe beomgyu would start liking the rain that he had always hated.

radiant ༘⋆✿

"is everyone clear on this? this is how your art projects will be evaluated this semester." everybody groaned, the grading system was even more strict than usual. "oh right, i heard that your class chose face painting for this year's school festival. yn you're good at drawing, so you can help the others.." everyone turned to you while you blinked open your eyes, you were dead asleep. you didn't hear anything you teacher just said. your classmates laughed as your tablemate filled you in on what was happening, you came to your senses and just nodded in agreement to what your teacher said.

"perfect, class is dismissed now." you heaved a sigh of relief, saying a quick goodbye to your classmates, making your way to the art room. while walking up the flight of stairs, you overheard a group of people talking bad about beomgyu, they obviously couldn't tell that their volume was loud enough for people to eavesdrop on them. you felt a familiar presence creeping up behind you, you turned around, looking at beomgyu with concern, is this what he goes through all the time? beomgyu placed a finger on his lips, brushing past you as he made his way towards the group.

your eyes lingered on beomgyu's silhouette, worry crashes over. is he really ok with his friends talking shit about him behind his back.. your eyebrows knitted together, pulling your phone out of your skirt pocket as soon as you entered the art room.

yn★: are you ok?

beom:> : yea don't worry about me.

im almost there, wait for me yeah? read

upon hearing the door shut behind you, your head snapped towards the direction. beomgyu gave you the same old carefree smile he'd always wear on his face as if nothing happened. you walked towards him, tugging him into a hug. beomgyu was stiff but slowly melted under your touch, using his height to his advantage, he placed his chin atop of your head, his hands rubbing your back, consolling you.

"yn, you don't need to worry about me too much 'kay?" his gentle voice reassured you. maybe he was too used to it. "but if it bothers you too much, you can tell me." your head tilted up, doe eyes looking up at him. beomgyu nodded to your request, patting your head as he pulled away, how could he say no?

"right, my class is doing face painting for this years festival, and i kinda got forced into it.. so if you can, please visit us." you exclaimed, an excited smile appearing on your face. beomgyu's eyes softened, perhaps it was finally time for you to be under the limelight.

weeks flew by quickly, the school's festival was finally here. your class was bustling, each and every one of you scrambled around your class, setting up the props, and rearranging the tables. you on the other hand, was dragging a heavy bag of washable facepaints and brushes up to your class, your teacher must really enjoywatching you suffer. you were that your legs were going to fumble when you entered the class, beads of sweat trickling dowm your forehead as if you ran a marathon.

"wow, she really gave us a lot of materials, thanks for bringing them up yn!" your classmate patted your back, rummaging through the variety of brushes and paints, picking each different one up. you smiled at them, giving them a quick thumbs up, can they not tell that you basically went through hell bringing these up the stairs, this was even worse than deadlifting at a gym.

"yn! come here, help us paint our faces first before everyone else comes! we wanna be the first ones to experience your facepainting." your friend shouted for you, you went to where they were, sitting down on where you were supposedly stationed at. you carefully painted each of their requests right on their cheekbone, under their eyes. all of your classmates were amazed at your skill, you were able to draw from scratch, something they can't do.

"now do yours!" your classmate exclaimed, her phone camera placed infront of your, as if it was a mirror. you gave it some thought, finally deciding to draw a bear on your cheek, beomgyu's favourite animal, it even looks like him. you smiled to yourself, proud of your final work. you turned your cheek towards your classmates, showing it off, everyone gaped in astonishment, some giving you a thumbs up.

"ok guys, sorry to ruin your fun, but people are about to start coming here, so please get ready." your teacher coughed out to gain your attention, everyone quickly went to their station, a few grabbing the predecorated board to walk around the school to promote your class's activity. you rest your head on the palm of your hand, waiting for the students to arrive at at your classroom. multiple students came rushing in, they were excited to have their faces painted, especially by one of the best artists in the school. multiple requests were shouted at you as you tried calming them down, "one by one please.." you felt small, but you were happy that people were finally recognising your work and appreciating you as a person.

"you seriously want to do face painting?" a voice echoed through the hallways, only to be shushed by his group of friends. you recognised the brown messy hair, along with his converse shoes almost immediately. beomgyu came to see you, you smiled to yourself, your eyes darted back to the student you were still working on as he made his way towards you, his friends following behind him like minions.

"it's so cute, thank you so much yn!" the girl quickly thanked, her eyes sparkling with pure joy, admiring the art you drew on her cheek. your lips curved upwards, proud of yourself. without even realising, beomgyu had already sat infront of you, waiting for you to speak. you cleared your throat, out of pure anxiousness. "what design would you like to have?" he pondered to himself, humming while tapping his chin, "a hamster." your heart skipped a beat, it was one of your favourite pets, he even told you that you looked like a hamster before. he definitely got the inspiration from the bear on your cheek.

you dipped your paintbrush into the white paint before carefully drawing out the hamster you envisioned in your mind. beomgyu's eyes were closed, however he could feel how close your faces were, his ears turned to a slight pink shade, feeling rather flustered. "done." your soft, tender voice spoke, beomgyu's eyes opened up, staring into the mirror next to him, admiring your work of art. not long after, he got up, bidding you goodbye before leaving with his friends. you called out for the next student, giggling with them, not knowing that beomgyu's gaze was still on you, admiring the way your smile brightened up the entire room, everyone around you laughing away, having a fun time. everyone seemed to enjoy your presence, finally noticing how radiant you can be.

days after the festival, you hung out with a few new friends you made during the festival, gossiping, chatting about boys, the usual teenage stuff. of course you'd go back to the art room to meet beomgyu, however it felt different, you noticed that his usually welcoming, fun aura was replaced with a gloomy one. he tried his best to hide it from you, his signature smile appearing on his face whenever you guys talked, hugged or shared a quick kiss.

one particular evening, you were texting beomgyu like any other regular day, chatting about your day as per usual, a giddy smile stayed on your face.

yn★ : RIGHT IT WAS SO STUPID

beom:> : oh right, i have a request.

yn★ : hold on! my mum is calling for me

beom:> : if i look tired one day, can you drag me out to jump in the rain again? [deleted]

yn★ : im back

what was it that you deleted?

gyu?

hello????

you furrowed your eyebrows, beomgyu wasn't the type to leave you on delivered, this was new. you didn't know how to feel, your fingers moved faster than your mind, you closed the app, turning off your phone. you stared at the ceiling, tears pricking your eyes, is it true, is the '3 month rule' thing your friends talk about true? you sighed, wiping away the fallen teardrops before closing your eyes. maybe sleeping will remove all your problems.

it has been a long time since that happened, you felt like your relationship with beomgyu was going to fall apart, you didn't want that to happen at all, you were worried, he left you on delivered more often, even if he replied you, it was dry. you felt like a wreck. on the other hand, beomgyu felt like he was going back into the slump he was once in before he found you, this time it was worse. the unbelievably high standards his parents were setting for him, along with the physical abuse he had to endure was getting unbearable. in addition to that, beomgyu's parents limited the hours beomgyu could spend on his phone, also banning him from going out after they found out about him sneaking out to the art studio instead of cram school. they were furious, slapping him hard, ripping the drawings beomgyu drew during his freetime, shouting at him. beomgyu was tired, extremely exhausted of everything.

"gyu?" your voice suddenly sounded, the door behind him opened, beomgyu jumped in shock, he didn't expect you to be here so early. you closed the door behind you, maybe it was finally time you talked to him about this. "did you change your number?"

"no."

"was your service cut or something?"

"no."

"then what is it? at first i thought you were just busy but weeks and days turned into months, it is hard to see you in school, let alone contact you! but you said you were afraid of losing me." your words struck beomgyu like an arrow piercing through his heart, the way your voice cracked each time you uttered a word broke him, yet he didn't budge, he deserved it, that's what he felt.

"do you not feel it as well? ever since the festival, we've distanced so much, it's as if we're back to square one, like we don't know each other anymore." your tears were threatening to spill out, hitting beomgyu's chest. you were mad, but you were more upset than angry at beomgyu, what was he hiding from you.

"as we should." beomgyu mutterred out, bringing his hand to cover his face.

"what?" your mouth slightly ajar, you didn't hear that incorrectly right?

"yn, i think it's better if we just stop seeing each other, or maybe just forget about each other." beomgyu admitted, he didn't want this to end, he really didn't but he didn't want you to go through his sufferring, he wants you to have your own life without constantly worrying about him. you moved beomgyu's hand away from his face, only to realise that he was crying too. you were about to say something but the bell rung, signalling that lunch ended.

"let's go to somewhere before people see us here." you said with a hushed tone, leaving the art room, towards the stairwell nearby. beomgyu followed you closely, his lips pressed together, forming a straight line. his mind was in utter chaos right now, he just wanted to make the pain go away. the both of you sat beside each other on the staircase, waiting for everyone to go back to their classes.

"we're going to be late anyways, you can just tell your teacher you were feeling slightly unwell." you advised, beomgyu nodded his head, tilting his head down, his bangs falling over his eyes.

"im quitting the art studio to join the art academy for my entrance exam–" you took a deep breath in, noticing beomgyu's slighty shocked expression before turning away to look out the window, "so, if you want, you can join me too, then we can go to art school together." you tried staying positive, maybe after this, you and beomgyu still had a chance to see each other outside school and maybe even post highschool.

"i'm quitting art. it is just a hobby to me, i dont see any interest in taking art for college. and i.. can't rlly see you making it far with art too.." beomgyu confessed, maybe it was better for you to start hating him, rather than making you dwell over him and his well-being everytime. you looked at beomgyu with pure bitterness, you were speechless, did he really say that to you? you stood up, making beomgyu look up at you with tired eyes.

"at least i don't bottle up my feelings while making it obvious that i'm doing something i hate. you can spend your life giving up on things you like. like art and me. you coward." you grumbled, walking away from beomgyu, leaving him by the stairs. you were pissed, you quickened your pace towards the girls' bathroom, locking yourself up in the cubicle, letting out your pent up feelings. you hated this feeling, it was eating you up, maybe beomgyu had his reasons to push you away like that, but he could have just told you, why was he doing this.

beomgyu stared blankly at where you stood, he ruffled his hair in frustration, he looked down at the ground, "ah.. i really fucked up." he stared at his wrists, the past healed scars fading away, maybe if he started again, would he feel any better? beomgyu smacked his head, trying to wake himself up as he got up to return back to class.

his flower ༘⋆✿

"i think you should take up this challenge, especially since you want to enter one of the top art colleges." you teacher recommended, you took the pamphlet, scanning through the requirements. you gave it some thought, i mean of course you'd join, it'll look good on your portfolio, but whether you should take one for him.

"can i have one more?" you asked, your teacher smiled at you, handing you another piece. you thanked her and left the staff room, slowly walking back to class. you got to your seat, quickly scribbling something down on the post it you had conveniently laying around, before pasting it on the pamphlet, folding it nicely. you rushed out of your class, looking around for something or someone. luckily, you saw one of beomgyu's friend's, soobin, you knew that they were childhood friends so you could trust him with this.

"hey.. uhm, soobin, can you pass this on to beomgyu, don't tell him who it's from though." you whispered loudly, quickly handing him the folded pamphlet. soobin gave you a thumbs up, waving you a quick goodbye as he entered his classroom.

"beomgyu! something for you." soobin called out, to get beomgyu's attention. beomgyu turned to him with curiousity, taking the piece of paper from soobin's grasp. soobin dragged a chair next to him, waiting for beomgyu to read the contents. beomgyu's eyes straight away landed on the post it note that was loosely hanging on the phamplet.

'us going through this challenging period, is proof that we're trying our best to bloom, right?' it read, beomgyu took the paper, writing something down on the post it before sticking it on his journal. soobin looked at him like a meerkat, wondering what beomgyu was doing.

"oh, right, i might bring over some dinner for you later, i'll text you if i can't." soobin reminded, patting beomgyu's shoulder before leaving the classroom. beomgyu sighed, he really didn't want soobin to come over, he stared at his bandaged up wrist, as he layed his head on the table, closing his eyes for a quick nap.

beomgyu was done with everything, he was exhausted physically and mentally, if he couldn't distract himself, his mind would go haywire. this was especially hard since his screentime was only limited to an hour. the previous night, his dad finally came home after a long day of work, the smell of alcohol on his office dress shirt was loud, beomgyu was scared. his dad's footsteps came closer to his door, much to his disappointment, the door flung open.

"i heard you got back your physics paper, show it to me." beomgyu shivered at how menancing his dad sounded, he obeyed and quickly scrambled for his paper. he looked at his score, just an 80%, not perfect enough for his parents. beomgyu passed the papers to his dad, ready for the scolding of his life.

"fucking disappointment, this is what happened when you go to a bloody art studio instead of the cram school i painstakingly pay for." beomgyu's dad shouted, rage boiling throughout his veins, beomgyu's dad inched closer to beomgyu. slap, a loud, quick smack went across beomgyu's face, it was hard, beomgyu's fists trembled in fear, trying to endure the burning pain on his cheek. his dad grabbed a handful of beomgyu's hair, yanking him closer to him. beomgyu whinced in pain, tears threatening to spill out.

"if you don't stop acting like a useless piece of shit, i'll personally send you abroad." beomgyu's dad spat, tossing beomgyu onto the ground before leaving the room, slamming it shut. beomgyu leaned against his bed, staring up at the ceiling, feeling like nothing. how he wished he could text you right now, but either way, he didn't want to distrupt your sleep. beomgyu slowly got up, walking towards his study table, eyeing the sharpener blade he used to use before he was clean. like a paintbrush on a canvas, each stroke was clean, leaving behind a deep red colour each time, it was like his own artwork.

"ah.." beomgyu sighed, a tear falling out of his eye, looking at his wrist. you'd be so disappointed in him if you ever found out. he quickly took the bandage wraps that were in his drawer, wrapping it around his fresh wounds. beomgyu rubbed his eyes, plopping onto his bed, staring at his wallpaper, a picture your took of a cat on his phone, how he wished things would go back to how it used to be.

back to the present, school ended, students rushed out of their classroom, either wanting to hang out with their friends or to go home to rest. beomgyu knew that his father was home, he knew that he'd be back for another beating, he really didn't want to go home. he slowly packed his things, throwing his bag over his shoulder, proceeding towards his lockers. looking up, he saw you, smiling with your new friends, laughing at one another's jokes. as much as he wanted to run towards you, and bring back past memories, he couldn't he can't hurt you anymore.

beomgyu quickly walked past you, making his way back home. you noticed his familiar scent, you turned around to his direction, your smile faltering, you missed him so much, yet you couldn't bring yourself to text him. "yn? are you going to come?" your friend shook you out of your trance. you jolted at the sudden touch, "yea."

"i'm home." beomgyu announced, closing the front door, removing his shoes. he heard the television playing, dim lights, along with the strong smell of cigerattes and alcohol. not again.. beomgyu's eyebrows furrowed, he didn't want to deal with this again.

"choi beomgyu." beomgyu groaned internally at his name being called, his father looked mad, filled with rage, beomgyu knew he was fucked. "what's with your attitude in school now? the teacher called in saying that you've been sleeping in class more recently, is this how you fucking repay me? is this why you wanted to go to this neighbourhood school? to rebel against your parents?" beomgyu's dad continued rambling, moving closer towards beomgyu, his presence was horrifying, beomgyu felt his blood run cold. it all happened in the matter of seconds, beomgyu's face was now burning, he hissed in pain, holding onto his cheek, looking up at his dad who was staring down at him like he was an abandoned dog.

"pathetic. fucking pathetic. i wished i never had a son like you." beomgyu's dad spat, storming out of the house, probably out to go to the neighbourhood bar to party with his middle aged friends. beomgyu flinched when the door slammed shut, he sat on the ground, wiping off the blood on the side of his mouth. the taste of iron disgusted him, he got up onto his feet, walking into his room. he took out the journal he hid from his parents, the journal that he used to write about things he want to say to you. beomgyu flipped to the paragraph he wrote, rereading it, making sure that there were no flaws.

beomgyu laughed to himself, tears spilling out of his eyes, if his dad didn't even want him around, he might as well make that dream a reality. beomgyu wrote out one last line, before running out of the house, towards the apartment buildings nearby the school. the sky was overcast, dark grey clouds covering the sunrays, a few drops of raindrops fell on beomgyu as he brisk walked towards his desired location.

he trudged past the art studio, his eyes flickering into the studio, hoping that you were there, but who was he kidding, you left the studio to go to the art academy. however, the art director noticed him, shouting for him to get inside or he'll get rained on. beomgyu turned around, his look shocked the art director, he looked helpless, beomgyu bowed to the art director, before going off on his own.

"beomgyu! i have my mum's food here for dinner." soobin shouted, leaving the food on the kitchen counter. realising that there was no response, soobin was confused, maybe beomgyu was taking a nap. he entered beomgyu's room quietly, his eyes widening when he realised beomgyu wasn't anywhere to be found. his phone left on the table, the only thing that caught soobin's attention was the open journal left on beomgyu's desk, a long paragraph written on it. soobin read the content within that paragraph, panicking, soobin's mind was racing, 'fuck' repeating in his mind.

the letter read, 'i felt like i dreamt a very sweet, and awfully bitter dream, because the first moment i saw you combined with all the fleeting moments we spent together were too dazzling for me. you were always radiant. i hoped that only i would be the one to see your light. but others soon caught sight of it. and that's around when i realized something, i hadn't known when i'd been in the dark, the existence of my ugly shadow. the closer it got to the light, the thicker it became and the more it clung to me. so, i couldn't help but hide in the darkness again. i knew you would be hurt, but as you said i was a coward. i knew that you'd always stay with me through thick and thin, and that scared me, my problems would ultimately hurt you in the end either way. i knew how it would feel all too well. i was so used to giving up the things i liked that i thought i'd be okay again soon, just like always. i thought that all i had to do was to return to the way things were before i'd met you. that's what i thought, endless waves of self-hatred, a sense of helplessness, emptiness, loss, and absence. longing for the light, i'd already become accustomed to your warmth. but that short time with you had been the only moment I could be completely myself. thank you for being with me during my most radiant moment yn :)'

soobin unlocked beomgyu's phone, luckily he knew his phone password, he found your number, typing it down onto his own phone, dialing the number. soobin grabbed the journal, along with beomgyu's phone, running out of the house. on your end, you were suspicious on why the same number kept calling you, you were annoyed, the weather was perfect for a nap but it was distrupted by an endless string of phonecalls. you picked up your phone, immediately you heard a sigh of relief, along with a shaky panicky voice.

"you're yn right? please can you meet me at the convenience store nearby please, it's really urgent." soobin pleaded, his voice sounded like he was going to breakdown anytime soon. you were worried, what was exactly going on, why was beomgyu's childhood friend calling you?

"i'll come down soon, what is this about may i ask?" you questioned, grabbing your keys and wallet. "please hurry, run, i don't care, beomgyu's life is on the line. please yn.." soobin answered, shouting into his phone, he didn't want to waste anymore time, he started asking near passerbys about the whereabouts about beomgyu. your eyes widened, beomgyu? you dashed out of you house, yelling a quick goodbye to your mother.

"yn? it's raining take an umbrella-" the door was slammed shut, you tried calling beomgyu's phone, no response. the rain came pouring down, you were soaked in the salty rain. you ran towards the convenience store near your school, only to see soobin conversing with your art director.

"soobin!" you shouted, eyes filled with panic. soobin thanked your art director, you were confused, what were they talking about? "let's go, the apartments, your art director assumed that he might be there since she saw him headed towards that direction." soobin ordered, running. you ran along with him, taking notice of the plastic bag he was holding. it felt like forever, you were panting, gasping for air. the atmosphere was thick, both you and soobin were drenched.

"you take the elevator, i'll take the stairs." soobin said with a stern look, sprinting up the stairs. you pressed on the elevator button that closes the door multiple times, in hopes that it'll be faster. as soon as you reached the rooftop, you bolted out of the elevator, towards the two dark figures you saw in the distance. you begged your legs to hurry up when you saw beomgyu stick his leg out, risking it all. soobin's eyes widened, his hands reaching out for beomgyu, however..

"beomgyu!" you sped past soobin, reaching out to beomgyu first. half of your body was over the ledge, soobin grabbed onto the lowerhalf of your body, making sure that you wouldn't accidentally fall over. beomgyu looked up to see your desperate look, tears falling out of your eyes.

"do you really want to die that badly gyu? there's many other ways you can do this you know." you choked out, sobbing harder. beomgyu felt guilty, he looked down, realising how high it was.

"i don't want to die, but.. i'm more afraid of living under these circumstances." beomgyu managed to utter out, his voice muffled by the sound of rain hitting the surface below you.

"you know how proud i am for you that you're able to make it this far? i know how tough your situation is at home, but if you leave like this, you'll leave behind those who actually care for you. if you don't know how to love yourself, i'll teach you how. if you only know how to hurt yourself, i'll care for you! no matter how much life sucks, you need to stay alive, do the things you love, and come back to me. please beomgyu, give me another chance to care for you again!" you shouted, tears spewing out of your eyes, dripping on beomgyu's wet face, beomgyu felt himself whince, seeing you in such a state pained him.

beomgyu's hand reached out for yours, you turned around, giving soobin the signal to pull you two up. all three of you fell on the ground, you and soobin panting hard for oxygen. beomgyu stared at the sky, the salty raindrops falling on his face, his eyes red from all the crying. he then felt himself getting picked up from the ground, only to be embraced by your warmth.

"you fucking idiot, don't scare us again." soobin cursed out, his nose red from crying earlier, sniffling loudly. beomgyu chuckled at soobin's reaction, wrapping his arms around your waist, hugging you tightly. he missed this comforting, warm embrace of yours. constant apologies came out of beomgyu's mouth, trying to calm you down from this whole incident.

"please, never do that again." your puffy eyes and runny nose made beomgyu laugh, his hands wiping the tear rolling down your cheek. "oh right soobin, what's that in the plastic bag." beomgyu asked, pointing towards the wet bag. "oh it's the notebook i found on your desk, and your phone. also is this notebook some love confession book for yn or something." soobin blabbered, his lips curling up to a smirk. your head turned towards soobin quickly, accidentally knocking into beomgyu's chin.

"shut up, i use that book to write down stuff i want to tell yn." beomgyu admitted, averting your eyes, "guess i'll give it to your as an apology.." beomgyu pouted. you smiled at him, teasing him slightly.

"beomgyu, if you need a place to stay for awhile, you should stay at mine, my parents won't snitch. in the meantime, we can file a lawsuit against your parents." soobin advised, beomgyu gulped at his words, suing his own parents? he didn't want to since well they're his parents afterall, but after all he has been through, he nodded his head, standing up from the wet slippery ground.

"let's go back to the art studio to dry up first, just like the first time." you grinned at beomgyu, dragging him along with you. soobin grumbled behind you two about how he has to thirdwheel you two now. the three of you laughed, making your way to the art studio, the sun now out, shining brightly around your surroundings, glowly radiantly in the sky. this may be the most eventful summer you've ever experienced.

end ༘⋆✿

author's note: sorry if this is super long, and for the bad english. but i hope you enjoyed!!

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