#I worked so hard on that one edit too and not to mention the zine I made a while back and posted that he never saw

[almalvo]

I think the majority of the tos fandom is neutral on or actively likes the greenish skinned spock?

There have been a number of quintessentially tumblr style posts over the years where someone (who to my knowledge is part of a vocal minority) comes up with some argument or piece of evidence to support the claim that a green skinned spock is perpetuating antisemitism, and then someone immediately provides evidence that counters or discredits the claim, then another rebuttal is presented and so on and so forth. ("Net zero information" as tumblr veterans will say.)

It seems to come up every so often, either side being made up of Both jews and goyim. It seemed to me the overall consensus after a while was it was not really a problem, some people just wanted it to be. Perhaps it is making a resurgence.

Obviously times change and we become aware as a group of different things in different ways (example: the miniskirts of the skant uniforms being shown on TV in the 60s at the time being seen as empowering women due to censorship and the culture then, versus the general consensus now that having women show more skin is not necessarily as empowering as it is objectifying. One doesn't really invalidate the other. What is the most "right" to do going forward today is still different from yesterday, yet those saying the miniskirts were black and white, categorically, never "progressive" are still missing, ignoring, or inventing context.)

I'm sorry if any of the discourse has tired you out, or sapped anything out of your enjoyment with regards to trek and its fandom here. I hope that its clear this is more of a symptom of the modern internet, and how that pronounces and enables the faults of general human interaction and the various hiccoughs endemic to it, than trek precisely.

From the other end, if its any consolation, this is neither the first nor the last of this in trek. Perhaps you might find it oddly nice to be included:

There are stories of discourse handed down from the "beginning times" of this fandom? Tales of brave fic writers and artists meeting up at conventions, passing around the hand bound and hard printed copies of the zines that they worked together to make, through the snail mail before the internet was a twinkle in any of our eyes, and attempting to guard specific editions from individuals who did not agree with the particulars of something found theirin and sought to do away with them through force, espionage, and various other means.

So it may be tiresome but at least its a little bit of a trek tradition? And a human one? Similar things seem to happen throughout history, to philosopher kings as much as fandomites. Hopefully theres humor in it, in the end.

I also think if people are coming for you, perhaps its a matter of becoming more popular and overall exposed to more individuals. On your way to becoming a "big name fan," perhaps? ;). Maybe more of a curse than a blessing, though. Hopefully it pans out right for you.

I think most people recognize that what youre doing and contributing, it is with love. I think the majority see your love, especially for spock, in your work. I think we can also see our own love reflected in it.

You're doing great work, I just hope they're not bothering you too much. You really add something to the fandom, and it really feels like you specifically are contributing something to a tradition of hope and joy and more that dates back to the inception of things. (The inception of both trek, and fandom as we know it and knew it, that is. They are often one and the same.)

Someone mentioned your work reminded them of the old trek art, and you said you werent quite sure what that meant. I don't think I myself could quite do what that meant any justice in explanation, but I do believe it to be true, in both fashion and in spirit.

Aesthetically there is some resemblance, but it also just feels like we should be welcoming you home, should you deign to stay a while.

Like its not quite a stranger being inducted.

Like the bones of the place we've built together recognize a kindred soul, and would be gladdened if that soul were to stay a while and build anew, or upon old foundations, at their leisure. Like theres a history to be shared that that soul can be trusted with, though they are as free to come and go as we all are.

Theres just some nebulous quality that someone else may be able to better pinpoint than I. I think it may be that same quality you mentioned not being able to quite put into words in a previous post. (Assumptions, Assumptions, though. If I am wrong, I apologize, and mean no offense. )

Theres just a recognition of feeling in eachother in this fandom I think; that feeling that drew many of us to it. Like how some sea dog sailor sees anothers yearning for the open ocean, and how one future day some solar sailor may recognize that same yearning, this time for the stars, in some young bucks eyes.

I also apologize if this is too much, or uncomfortable to receive. I'm up a bit too late, and am rambling and most likely incoherent, but it seemed untenable somehow to not make an attempt to offer something, anything, if there was any chance you may feel alone or disillusioned with those around you. It felt important to not sit idly, and silent. I make no excuses for anything less than ideal, but I hope things are worthwhile despite any misgivings you may have.

As well, Please do not feel it necessary to respond to or post this if you'd feel better not doing so. (No offense where none is intended? None will be taken, at least.)

From me, to you: Peace and long life, Sochya eh Dif. 🖖

And if I may speak for trek in general: May we, together, become greater than the sum of (both of) us.

Hello, dear Anon.

I am, regrettably in far fewer words only out of succinct packaging and in no way diminutive insult, so humbled and thankful for your wonderful message - rather missive - to me :')

I assuredly took no offence by those who voiced this unpopular and logically unsubstantiated opinion on Spock being some indecent and politicised caricature of the Jewish existence. I understood it as a largely emotionally driven explication, knowing how emotions shield us from a more objective reality we may not like to acknowledge out of whatever comfort, ease, fear, and even ignorance doing so can grant in those of us who have inherited and live through pain.

Unlike the typical regular, as someone who is fairly extensively well versed in the historical and social contexts of these kinds of matters, psychology and the more scientific disciplines in tandem, it is why I could hold anything at all in credible confidence, as I took these opinionated submissions to be what could be expected and understood when it comes to the human question and the human condition.

I welcome these conversations - there is a particular endearment unique to the bustle and puzzle of buzzing minds. Additionally, functionally, I can already tell numerous individuals have become better learned from my exchanges and gestures so far in their own ways positively and constructively, which I deem a quaint success.

And you would be very correct in your observation of my personal takes on the universe of Star Trek, for indeed, in even the characters I portray, they are, I profess, truthfully, the illustrative letters of my fathomless love.

Ahem - well, in any case, though I am new, I intend to reside for, certainly, a while ;)

And so, I am very grateful for the warm welcome into this - the largest, oldest, and truest fandom family I have ever been privileged to have found and become a part of, and may ever will be.

It is all well worth it, and so,

I am content.

Dif-tor heh smusma ~

#inquiries #ask #asks #thoughts #star trek #spock #discussion #almalvo

[fairy-spring]

Of Wolves, Potions, and Goat Cheese - Chapter IX

Chapter IX: A Potion Girl, Seeking Answers

Word Count: 5,713

Summary: Being enshrouded in a realm of shadows stopped being fun about a week ago. 

Notes: I'm so sorry for taking so long to update! I finally finished the project I was working on for a zine, which means I finally have free time to finish this one! 

Fae’s entire body was in pain.  

She groaned as she slumped against the lone tree on Jovani’s lawn, her eyes squinted shut as the muscles in her legs burned with every action she took. Last night was her first shift at Telma’s bar, full of running around the establishment to serve and cook for every patron who came in. A day later, her body was still reeling from the foreign actions she was making. Fae never thought herself as unfit, given her average figure; then again, she hadn’t done any mandatory physical activity since she was fourteen. At least Telma was kind enough to give her the day off...  

Fae looked over across the yard, a small frown on her face as the mother cat and her kittens tentatively pawed at the bits of salmon on the grass. Ten hours of bar work she went through the night before, and she couldn’t even follow up and bring the cats the cucco bits she promised them. She could have sworn the mother cat eyed her with scorn as she took a bite, but it very well could have been her imagination. Perhaps she was just being too hard on herself.  

Perhaps the cats could feel her negative energy.  

“I’m sorry, guys,” she whispered to all four of them, a sad smile on her face. “The market didn’t have cucco today...”  

The mother let out a soft “mrrow” as she took another bite at the salmon, to which the kittens eventually followed suit. Relieved that the apology gift wouldn’t go to waste, Fae sighed through her nose, and she lugged a large book out of her basket. She looked down at the title with furrowed brows: 

Hyrule at War: A History of Conflicts, Skirmishes, and Invasions in the Land Touched by the Golden Goddesses.    

It was a first edition copy of the book, and it was scarcely held by anyone, only read by those proficient in Old Hylian. It had been sitting on her bookshelf for ages, something her mother had taken from her former home when uprooting to Castle Town. The title spoke for itself, and the mention of “invasion” was what especially caught her interest when she first picked it up. For as much as Hyrule glorified its “unification” of the land during the Era of Time, and as much as her history classes made a big show of dragging out discussions of the King of Evil’s attempted invasion of the land many years ago, the history of the many other times the country was invaded seemed to be a thorn in the side of Hyrule’s pride, a stain to be washed out no matter the cost. 

Luckily, like an old quilt passed down through the ages, a handful of historians made the effort to preserve the history Hyrule attempted to blot out. The tome documented every major event in the kingdom of Hyrule as intimately as possible, from the legend of the Demon King’s demise to the War of Blight that rendered Southern Hyrule uninhabitable. The book was written just after that particular incident, so Fae could only hope that the contents within held more information than the history books from her classes. After all, she wasn’t seeking a recent war, nor a distant legend. Instead, there was one particular invasion she set her sights on: 

The Interloper War.

Full fic on Ao3

#the legend of zelda #twilight princess #zelda au #zelda fanfic #zelda oc #writing #fanfic #of wolves potions and goat cheese

[tiredsadpeach]

Woke up and got immediately sad

#it feels so stupid to be sad about but I’m gonna tell y’all anyway #I sometimes tweet a lot on private and last night I was having a good time and made two edits and everything and shared them on priv and my #monkees twt and kpop twt because one overlapped and one was just classic rock #and like I posted them at 5am so I don’t expect my mutuals on Monkee twt to see that’s fine #but my friend has told me before that he reads every tweet and that sometimes it’s the first thing he does in the morning #and like idc when he does it I just want him to see my tweets because I see every single one of his even if I don’t want to #because idk if anyone else on my priv sees them but if at least one person does then it wasn’t for nothing if that makes sense #like on here I vent in tags and shit and I usually get a like on the post which at least to me means you heard me yknow? #being heard is such a huge thing to me and not being heard on top of my friend basically lying to me hurts so much #I worked so hard on that one edit too and not to mention the zine I made a while back and posted that he never saw #my other friend didn’t see it either but I went over to his house the next day so I just showed him no big deal #I just hate putting effort into something and posting it and waiting for him to wake up only to get no reaction #like I did my entire homescreen and he knew I was doing it that night and I posted the finished product but he only saw it yesterday when we #were on the phone because I was trying to help him with something so I screenrecorded me doing it and he saw part of my homescreen and got #excited and so I sent the photos but I didn’t mentioned I posted them on twt because I didn’t wanna sound petty but I just am #like I’m bad at texting directly so posting on priv is how I relay info most of the time and I know I’ve told him I’m bad at messaging first #idk I just hhh I wanna be heard I don’t wanna say shit and no one listen like I keep talking about being a Monkee historian and shit on priv #and he hasn’t seen any of it not a fucking word and I really think it truly is my dream job this time hhhh #I have like five priv followers and yet I only hold him to that standard but I know why it’s because I see every tweet of his on every acc #of his that I follow #I’ve said before that I see every tweet because I don’t always like every tweet especially if I don’t feel well #I feel stupid and annoying for being upset but also hhhhh I’ve watched him do it before and blow up my notifs it makes me feel so good why #has he just not done that lately why doesn’t he look at them anymore if I post while he’s asleep he just doesn’t see them anymore it hurts #so fucking much especially because my dumbass self keeps seeing all of his I feel stupid hhhh

[jafndaegur]

For some of you, this is goodbye.

For others of you, this is hello.

And others still, this is thank you for staying by my side.

I mentioned at the end of the Jafs Hobbit Like Birthday event that this post was coming. This is kinda gonna be a long one but I figured anyone who reads this genuinely cares about what's inside.

The long story short is, tldr, I'm retiring from fanfic.

See what I did there? Eh? Eh??? Anyways.

Sounds kinda silly doesn't it? But I feel that's a good way to put it. Retiring.

Many of my followers and mutuals know I have been struggling with balancing fanfic and my original writing. For quite some time now I've felt as though I've fallen behind my peers and lost my way as a writer. And while my irl writing friends and fanfic friends too have encouraged me...it's a fight that I was constantly losing.

For as much as I've cut back on releasing fanfics these past few years—I still always come back first to writing the ideas I have as fanfics versus my own stories. And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

But over time I've felt that so much of my training and hard work became wasted.

...which shouldn't be true either.

Because at the end of the day, seeing my readers happy means the world to me. That's the way it should be. But here we are.

So why "retiring"?

Retiring is a lot less strict than quitting (at least in my little brain). I still really love fanfic. And there are still stories that I would like to finish. But this is where I am drawing my line.

I would like to finish these stories. But I will no longer be putting pressure on myself to do so. If I never finish the [blue and grey] series or Shattered Euphonies or Noise of Rain...it's sad...but I also don't owe anyone but myself to finish them. And if I don't finish them because I've outgrown them or moved on so I can do what I want with my storytelling...

Then isn't that me growing as a writer?

So...what will you be doing Jaf if you're not focusing on fanfic?

Well. In addition to posting about producing the Scattered Fragments audio drama...

I will be releasing novels on Tapas—and sharing concept writing, art, and WIPs on this blog along with any fanfic that may trickle through.

It's a bit of a gamble really.

I'm scared that no one will read my original works, I'm scared that leaving the fanfic community for a more passive role will backfire.

But thinking back to that day, that very first day that I posted my first chapter of a How to Train Your Dragon Xover Rise of the Guardians (I was that young 😂)...that was a bit of a gamble then wasn't it?

I've been planning this step for over a year now, and the fact that it's here...it's time—I'm really excited.

Now unlike my past projects, my first story for Tapas will start release in July. The story is already pretty much written, and I start editing the manuscript come mid-January/early February. And Konoponopy (who some of you may recognize from my NSD zine story) will be returning as my cover artist for the project.

I know some people will probably leave this blog now that my fanfics will become even less frequent that what it already is. But I also hope that as I reach out more, as I become more and more confident in myself as a creator, new people will join here too.

I couldn't have made my way all these years without all of my close friends, back when I took that first wobbly step into the Sesskag community here on Tumblr to where I am today. And there's no way that everyone who I know will make it on this list but I just really want to thank my friends, my inspirations, the guys I joke and mess around with on a daily-weekly-monthly- yearly-in general basis.

@chierafied @meldrymoon @mythicamagic @reifromrfa @joeys-piano @mrs-han @anon-drabble @shekilledthenightking @keeperofthefour @stormielikeweather @drosselmeyerwrites @quirky-and-kind @shittylongcat @uri59 and @space-kittie

Thank you all for what you have given me in our friendships and I can only hope that continues now into the future.

Now here's the fun part.

What will that story be, releasing in July?

I am releasing a sci-fi, lgbt romance, slowburn titled:

Stars within the Rose Roots

If you've made it this far, both in this post and alongside me all these years, then truly and sincerely—thank you.

So for now:

Please look forward to my next story 💕

#jaf talks #tumbles friends #long post #original works #both goodbye and hello #a new start

[olderthannetfic]

It's really surprising that you're so well versed in older fandoms and yet participate in new popular ones (that cdrama, kpop) is this by design? Im in my twenties and my interest turnover is already way slower than it used to be

You know, that’s a really interesting question. I wouldn’t say it’s by design exactly in that I do tend to just follow what strikes my fancy, and I can’t force myself to want to write fic for just anything. (I find it easier to like reading fic without serious involuntary emotional investment, but writing takes more. Vidding I can do on command most of the time, but I don’t usually bother unless I have a lot of feels or I’m fulfilling someone’s prompt.)

However, me getting into BTS was 100% due to me wanting to understand BTS enough to explain to people who weren’t very interested but wanted to know what was going on in fandom lately. Under normal circumstances, I run the dance party at Escapade, the oldest extant slash con. We borrowed vividcon’s thing of playing fanvids on the wall--all of them set to dance music--as the soundtrack for the dance party. This means I’m creating a 3-hour mixtape of fannishness, which has amazing potential to make people feel in the know about Fandom Today... and equal potential to make them feel alienated if nothing they care about shows up. Only about 100-150 people attend the con, so it really is possible to make a playlist that feels inclusive yet informative--it just takes a huge amount of work.

Every year, I do a lot of research on which fandoms are getting big and look for vids from vidders people won’t have heard of, so there is an element of consciously trying to keep up with things. Generally, I only get into these fandoms myself if I had no idea what they were and then suddenly, oops, they’re my kryptonite, like the buddy cop android plot in Detroit: Become Human, which sucked me in hard for like 6 months on the basis of a vid.

(So if you’re into cross-fandom meta and associated stuff as one of your fannish interests, you tend to have broader knowledge of different fandoms, old and new, than if you’re just looking for the next place you’ll read fic. It’s also easier to love vids for unfamiliar things than fic.)

But though I was only looking for a basic primer on BTS, BTS has 7 members with multiple names and no clear juggernaut pairing, not to mention that AU that runs through the music videos and lots of other context to explain. The barrier to understanding WTF was going on at all was high enough that to know enough to explain, I had to be thoroughly exposed... And once I was over that hurdle, oops, I had a fandom.

--

In terms of old vs. new, here’s the thing: kpop fandoms in English and c-drama fandoms in English right now feel a lot like anime fandom in English did in the early 00s. I had a Buddy Cops of the 70s phase in the middle, but my current fannishness is actually a return to my older fannishness in many ways.

What do I mean about them being similar?

Yes, I know some wanker will show up to say I think China, Korea, and Japan are indistinguishable, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the way that I used to routinely meet Italian and French and German fans, Argentinian and Mexican, Malaysian and Indonesian and Filipino too. English-language fandom of SPN or MCU may have all those fans from all those countries, but it feels very American most of the time. English-language fandom of a non-English-language canon is more overtly about using English as a lingua franca.

It also tends to attract people who as a sideline to their fannishness are getting into language learning and translation, which are my other passion in life after fanworks fandom. (I speak only English and Spanish and a bit of Japanese, but I’ve studied German, French, Russian, Mandarin, Old English, and now Korean.)

Nerds arguing about methods of language learning and which textbooks are good and why is my jam. This is all over the place in English-language fandoms of Chinese, Japanese, and Korean media. Those fandoms also tend to be full of speakers coming from a Germanic or Romance languages background who face similar hurdles in learning these languages. (In other words, if you’re a native Japanese speaker trying to learn Korean, the parts that will be hard for you are different than if you’re an English speaker, but you’re also usually not doing fandom in English.)

There’s also an element of scarcity and difficulty of access and a communal attempt to construct a canon (in the other sense) of stuff from that country that pertains to one’s fannishness. So, for example, a primer explaining the genre of xianxia is highly relevant to being a n00b Untamed fan, but just any old thing about China is not. A c-drama adapted from a danmei webnovel is perhaps part of the new pantheon of Chinese shit we’re all getting into, but just any old drama from decades ago is probably not... unless it’s a genre precursor to something else we care about. Another aspect here is that while Stuff I Can Access As A N00b Who Doesn’t Speak The Language may be relatively scarce, there’s a vast, vast wealth of stuff that exists.

This is what it felt like to be an anime fan in the US in 2000. As translation got more commercial and more crappy series were licensed and dumped onto an already glutted market, the vibe changed. No longer were fans desperately trying to learn enough of the language to translate or spending their time cataloguing what existed or making fanworks about a show they stuck with for a bit: the overall community focus turned to an endless race of consumption to keep up with all of the latest releases. That’s a perfectly valid way of being fannish, but if I wanted that, I’d binge US television 24/7.

Anime fandom got bigger, but what I liked about anime fandom in English died, and I moved on. (Okay, I first moved on to Onmyouji, which is a live action Japanese thing, but still.)

Hardcore weeaboos and now fans of Chinese and Korean stuff don’t stop at language: people get excited about cooking, my other other great passion. Times a thousand if the canon is something like The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty, which is full of loving shots of food preparation. People get excited about history! Mandarin and Japanese may share almost nothing in terms of grammar or phonology, but all of East Asia has influence from specific Chinese power centers historically, and there are commonalities to historical architecture and clothing that I love.

I fell out of love with the popular anime art styles as they changed, and I’m not that into animation in general these days. (I still own a shitton of manga in art styles I like, like Okano Reiko’s Onmyouji series.) I’ve become a filmmaker over the last decade, and I’m very excited about beautiful cinematography and editing. With one thing and another, I’m probably not going to get back into anime fandom, but it’s lovely to revisit the cultural aspects I enjoyed about it via live-action media.

BTS surprised me too, to be honest. I really dislike that early 90s R&B ballad style that infests idol music (not just Korean--believe me, I resisted many rounds of “But Johnny’s Entertainment though!” back in the day). While I like some of the dance pop, I just don’t care. But OH NO, BTS turn out to be massive conscious hip hop fanboys, and their music sounds different. I have some tl;dr about my reactions in the meta I wrote about one of my fanvids, which you can find on Dreamwidth here.

--

But back to your comment about turnover: I know fans from the 70s who’ve had one great fannish love and that’s it and more who were like that but eventually moved on to a second or third. They’re... really fannishly monogamous in a way I find hard to comprehend. It was the norm long ago, but even by the 90s when far more people were getting into fandom, it was seen as a little weird. By now, with exponentially more people in fandom, it’s almost unheard of. I think those fans still exist, even as new people joining, but we don’t notice them. They were always rare, but in the past, only people like that had the stamina to get over the barriers to entry and actually become the people who made zines or were willing to be visibly into fanfic in eras when that was seen as really weird. On top of that, there’s an element of me, us, judging the past by what’s left: only people with an intense and often single passion are visible because other people either drifted away or have seamlessly disappeared into some modern fandom. They don’t say they’re 80 or 60 or 40 instead of 20, so nobody knows.

In general, I’m a small fandoms and rare ships person. My brain will do its best to thwart me by liking whatever has no fic even in a big fic fandom... (Except BTS because there is literally fic for any combination of them, like even more than for the likes of MCU. Wow. Best fandom evar!) So I have an incentive to not get complacent and just stick with one fandom because I would very soon have no ability to be in fandom at all.

My appetite for Consuming All The Things has slowed way down, but it also goes in waves, and a lot of what I’m consuming is what I did back in 2000: journal articles and the limited range of English-language books on the history of m/m sex and romance in East Asia. It’s not so much that I have a million fandoms as that I’m watching a few shows as an expression of my interest in East Asian costume dramas and East Asian history generally.

I do like to sit with one thing and experience it deeply rather than moving on quickly, but the surface expression of this has changed depending on whether I’m more into writing fic or more into doing research or something else.

But yes, I do do a certain amount of trying to stay current, often as a part of research for fandom meta or to help other people know what’s going on. Having a sense of what’s big doesn’t automatically mean getting into all those things, but I think some fans who are older-in-fandom and/or older-in-years stop being open to even hearing what’s new. And if you’ve never heard of it, you’ll never know if you might have liked it.

#fandom meta #fandom history #Anonymous

[hellomynameisbisexual]

I’d go so far as to say that the nomination probably saved the site, in fact. For those who need a little background: despite being a small voluntary project the site was nominated for the 2014 Publication of the Year award by Stonewall, the UK’s largest LGBT charity, just nine months after its inception. This was a landmark step in Stonewall’s positive new direction on bi issues. To the best of my knowledge, this was the first time Stonewall had specifically nominated a specifically bi publication or organisation for an award. At this point my co-founder, who was taking care of the business side of things, had recently jumped ship and I was seriously considering packing the whole thing in. I won’t lie, I was astonished to read the email.

I’d worked on a publication which won the award under my editorship a few years previously. Unlike Biscuit, however, g3 magazine – at the time one of the two leading print mags for lesbian and bi women in the UK – had an estimated readership of 140,000, had been going for eight years and boasted full-time paid office staff and regular paid freelancers. Biscuit, by contrast, was being dragged along by one weary unpaid editor and a bunch of unpaid writers who understandably, for the most part, couldn’t commit to regularly submitting work.

Little Biscuit’s enormous competition for the award consisted of Buzzfeed, Attitude.co.uk, iNewspaper and Property Week. We didn’t win – that accolade went to iNewspaper – but the nomination was nevertheless, as I say, a huge catalyst to continue with the site. I launched a crowdfunder, which finished way off target. I sold one ad space, for two months. Then nothing. I attempted in vain to recruit a sales manager but nobody wanted to work on commission. Some wonderful writers came and went. There were periods of tumbleweed when I frantically had to fill the site with my own writing, thereby completely defeating the object of providing a platform for a wide range of bi voices.

The Stonewall Award nomination persuaded me to keep going with the site

The departure of the webmaster was another blow. Thankfully by this point I had a co-editor on board – the amazing Libby – so I was persuaded to stick with it. And here we are now. I don’t actually know where the next article is coming from. That’s not a good feeling. But, apart from for Biscuit, I try not to write for free anymore myself, so I understand exactly why that is. As a freelance journo trying to make a living I’ve had to be strict with myself about that. I regularly post on the “Stop Working For Free” Facebook group and often feel a pang of misplaced guilt because I ask my writers to write for free, even though I’m working on the site for free myself, and losing valuable time I could be spending on looking for paid work.

Biscuit hasn’t exactly been a stranger to controversy, in addition to its financial and staffing issues. Its original tagline – “for girls who like girls and boys” – was considered cis-centric by some, leading to accusations that the site had some kind of trans/genderqueer*-phobic agenda. Which was amusing, as at the height of this a) we’d just had two articles about non-binary issues published and b) I was actually engaged to a genderqueer partner, a fact they were clearly unaware of. Now the site is under fire from various pansexual activists who object to the term “bisexual”. To clarify – “girl and boys” was supposed to imply a spectrum and, no, we don’t think “bi” applies only to an attraction to binary folk. The site aims the main part of its content at female-spectrum readers attracted to more than one gender because this group does have specific needs. But there is something here for EVERYONE bisexual. Anyway, it’s a shame all of this gossip was relayed secondhand, and the people in question didn’t think to confront me about it (which at least the pan activists have bothered to do). We damage our community immeasurably with these kinds of Chinese whispers.

Biscuit ed Libby, being amazing

Whilst trying to keep the site afloat, I’ve also been building on the work I started right back when I edited g3, and trying to improve bi visibility in other media outlets. I’ve recently had articles published by Cosmopolitan, SheWired, The F-Word, GayStar News and Women Make Waves and I’m constantly emailing other sites which I’ve not yet written for with bi pitches. Unfortunately, although I am over the moon to be writing for mainstream outlets such as Cosmo about bi issues, it’s been an uphill struggle trying to persuade some editors out there that they have more readers to whom bi-interest stories apply than they might think. It’s an incredibly exhausting and frustrating process.

Libby and I are doing our best with Biscuit. I can’t guarantee that I would be doing anything at all with it if Libby hadn’t arrived on the scene, so once again I would like to mention how fabulous she is. But we desperately need more writers. We need some help with site design and tech issues. We need a hand with the business and sales side of things. We can’t do it without you. And if you know any rich bisexual heiresses who read Biscuit, please do send them our way. 😉

Grant Denkinson’s story

denkinsonpanel

Grant speaks on a panel chaired by Biscuit’s Lottie at a Bi Visibility Day event

So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in. 


“I’ve been involved with bisexual community organising for a bit over 20 years. Some has been within community: writing for and editing our national newsletter, organising events for bisexuals and helping others with their events by running workshop sessions or offering services such as 1st aid. I’ve spoken to the media about bisexuality and organised bi contingents at LGBT Pride events (sometimes just me in a bi T-shirt!). I’ve helped organise and participated in bi activist weekends and trainings. I’ve help train professionals about bisexuality. I’ve also piped up about bisexuality a lot when organising within wider LGBT and gender and sexuality and relationship diversity umbrellas. I’ve been a supportive bi person on-line and in person for other bi folks. I’ve been out and visibly bi for some time. I’ve helped fund bi activists to meet, publish and travel. I’ve funded advertising for bi events. I’ve set up companies and charities for or including bi people. I’ve personally supported other bi activists.”


What made you get involved?

“
In some ways I was looking for a way to be outside the norm and to make a difference and coming out as bi gave me something to push against. I’ve been less down on myself when feeling attacked. I’ve also found the bi community very welcoming and where I can be myself and so wanted to organise with friends and to give others a similar experience. There weren’t too many others already doing everything better than I could.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“There have been great changes for same-sex attracted people legally and socially and these have happened quickly. Bi people have been involved with making that happen and benefit from it. We can also be hidden by gay advances or actively erased. We still have bi people not knowing many or any other local bi people, not seeing other bisexuals in the mainstream or LGT worlds and not knowing or being able to access community things with other bis. We are little represented in books or the media and people don’t know about the books and zines and magazines already available. The internet has made it easy to find like-minded people but also limited privacy and I think is really fragmented and siloed. It is hard to find bisexuals who aren’t women actors, harmful or fucked up men or women in pornography designed for straight men. We have persistent and high quality bi events but they are sparse and small.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?

“I’m fed up of bi things just not happening if I don’t do them. Not everything should be in my style and voice and I shouldn’t be doing it all. I and other activists campaign for bi people to be more OK and don’t take care of ourselves enough while doing so. People are so convinced we don’t exist they don’t bother with a simple search that would find us. We have little resources while having some of the worst outcomes of any group. I don’t want to spend my entire life being the one person who reminds people about bisexuals, including our so-called allies. I’m not impressed with the problem resolution skills in our communities and while we talk about being welcoming I’m not sure we’re very effective at it. I’m fed up with mouthing the very basics and never getting into depth about bi lives and being one who supports but who is not supported. I’m all for lowering barriers but at a certain point if people don’t actively want to do bi community volunteering it won’t happen. Some people are great critics but build little.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Why are we doing this personally? I’m not sure we know. How long will we hope rather than do? Honestly, are there so few who care? Alternatively should we stop the trying to do bi stuff and either do some self-analysis, be happy to accept being what we are now as a community, chill out and just let stuff happen or give up and go and do something else instead.”

Patrick Richards-Fink’s story

085d4de So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in.

“Mostly internet – I am a Label Warrior, a theorist and educator. Here’s how I described it on my blog: “One of the reasons that I am a bisexual activist rather than a more general queer activist is because I see every day people just like me being told they don’t belong. It doesn’t mean I don’t work on the basic issues that we all struggle against — homophobia, heterosexism, classism, out-of-control oligarchy, racism, misogyny, this list in in no particular order and is by no means comprehensive. But I have found that I can be most effective if I focus, work towards understanding the deep issues that drive the problems that affect people who identify the same way that I have ever since I started to understand who I am. I find that I’m not a community organizer type of activist or a storm the capitol with a petition in one hand and a bullhorn in the other activist — I’m much better at poring over studies and writing long wall-o’-text articles and occasionally presenting what I’ve gleaned to groups of students until my voice is so hoarse that I can barely do more than croak.” So internet, and when I was still in school, a lot of on-campus stuff. Now I’m moving into a new phase where my activism is more subtle – I’m working as a therapist, and so my social justice lens informs my treatment, especially of bi and trans people.”

What made you get involved?

“I can’t not be.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“I feel like we made a couple strides, and every time that happens the attacks renewed. I hionestly think the constant attempts to divide the bisexual community into ‘good pansexuals’ and ‘bad bisexuals’ and ‘holy no-labels’ is the thing that’s most likely to screw us.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?



“It is literally everywhere I turn – colleges redefining bisexuality on their LGBT Center pages, news articles quoting how ‘Bi=2 and pan=all therefore pan=better’, everybloodywhere I turn I see it every day. The word bi is being taken out of the names of organisations now, by the next group of up-and-comers who haven’t bothered to learn their history and understand that if you erase our past, you take away our present. Celebrities come out as No Label, wtf is that. Don’t they make kids read 1984 anymore? It’s gotten to the point now that even seeing the word pansexual in print triggers me. I’m reaching the point now that if someone really wants to be offended when all I am trying to do is welcome them on board, then I don’t have time for it.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Stay strong, and don’t give them a goddamned inch. I honestly think that the bi organizations – even, truth be told, the one I am with – are enabling this level of bullshit by attempting to be conciliatory, saying things that end up reinforcing the idea that bi and pan are separate communities. We try to be too careful not to offend anyone. Like the thing about Freddie Mercury. Gay people say ‘He was gay.’ Bi people say ‘Um, begging your pardon, good sirs and madams and gentlefolk of other genders, but Freddie was bi.’ And they respond ‘DON’T GIVE HIM A LABEL HE DIDN’T CLAIM WAAHHH WAAHHH!’ And yet… Freddie Mercury never used the label ‘gay’, but it’s OK when they do it. And he WAS bisexual by any measure you want to use. But we back down. And 2.5% of the bisexual population decides pansexual is a better word, and instead of educating them, we add ‘pan’ to our organisation names and descriptions. Now, this is clearly a dissenting view – I will always be part of a united front where my organization is concerned. But everyone knows how I feel, and I think it’s totally valid to be loyal and in dissent at the same time. Not exactly a typically American viewpoint, but everyone says I’d be a lot more at home in Britain than I am here anyway.”

#bisexual activism #bisexual activist #bi tumblr #bisexual tumblr #bisexuality #bi #support bisexuality #bisexuality is valid #bi pride #pride #lgbtq pride #lgbtq #lgbtq community #bisexual education #bisexual nation #bisexual rights #support bisexual #bisexual people #support bisexual people #respect bisexual people #bisexual injustice #bisexual justice #bisexual youth #bisexual women #bisexual men #bisexual representation #bisexual #bisexual community #bisexual facts #bisexual info

[riskeith]

happy weekend dearest!

other than the snow angels, i haven’t done much.,, just been cozying it up with coffee and blankets at home hehe. 30 degrees... amazing. ideal feeling like a rotisserie chicken weather. 😌 bc of global warming we’ve been having some great summers these past few years. it even gets to 30 degrees as well which was unheard of tbh.

you’re so cute for caring ilysm <3 and aaa! a walk! do you have any perticular place you enjoy walking to or does the winds guide you, hehe? EDITING A FIC... 👀 i’m looking respectfully...... 👀 wait did the event open up for you already? i tried to play it earlier today but it wasn’t there yet... the lost riches one right?

bennett is best boy i still can’t believe it either!!! he’s seriously the cutest he just makes me so happy. when i need to explore and run around i always run with him bc i love his lines so much. what a bebie. you should go for it there are still some days left! + he’s a four star so he’s easier to get. GUOBA IS SO FUNNY he’s just.... a little fucking bear i can’t stop laughing... tbh the little creatures like amber’s bunny too just 😭 have you seen those yt clips of them dancing? obsession..

i need to ask you this bc when i found out i lost my mind: did you know that the japanese va for razor is also the va for tsukishima (haikyuu) and shigaraki (bnha)???? insane!!! it made me consider switch to japanese dub tbh.. which dub do you use?

maybe i’ll send you a little part and you can read or something shdkdhskdjdjf help 😳 it’s not edited or anything so it might take a while plus i’m super into writing bnha these days so.... but hey if You have any prompts you want to read maybe i’ll write a drabble for you. i don’t mind at all! <33333 ask for anything!!

(FIC-COLLAB!!:!/$:)!:&//&/!$:’sidnd HELP.... omg what kind of fic would we write....?)

exactly! i think when you realize that there’s nothing keeping you there anymore that brings you joy, that’s when you need to step back. social media is a bit fucked up that way imo. like you want to be there to be informed and to have fun but it takes so much.. hm. also you always tell me this but i wanna tell you to that YOU are the reason i enjoy social media these days so.. thank you <3

you relate to bakugou and lance? that’s super hot of you.. 🥵 my wifey is a self assured, super intense and talented person.. couldn’t ask for better tbh. i think out of them both i’m pretty much like todoroki.. we’re super similar in so many ways now that i think about it shsjdhdhdj.. how about we just stay c.r and m.a our dynamic is perfect as is LMAO

DOUBLE VENTI! I’D LOOOOVE THAT FOR US. bow users are difficult indeed but venti is one of the easier bow users it feels like... idk watching others game play he doesn’t have as much pushback as say amber for example. 12K PRIMOGEMS..... babe you’re getting your xiao!!!!!! how long have you been saving? also i seriously don’t mind if it comes down to it hakshddkhd i can be your genshin sugar mommy... ;) imagine a c6 venti though that seems insane. literal insanity.

SPEAKING OF SHIPPING.... THE POST YOU POSTED... THEY STOLE OUR IDEA AND IT LOOKS SO CUTE AND ITS CHONGYUN AND XINGYUN WHICH IS EVEN BETTER... THEY LOOK SOOOOO CUTE TOGETHER I’M OBSESSEDDDDD!!!! <3333 dude idk how but we are doing that co-op date somehow i’m super inspired i want that for us so badly... (also i need to say smth... my love language is when people say ‘i thought of you when i...’ and the fact that you said that just hsjdfhjdjdksk shit)

actually you’re right.. the only way we’d get a sequel is if they did something with the mfe fighters.. like kinkade james veronica nadia and ina. idk how attractive that would be tho...

i’m a lady, my dearest *dips* no but my pronouns are she/her!! sorry i didn’t mention it before i thought i made it clear shsjsjdkdj. ty for asking tho ♥️ super sweet!

AAA!!!!!!!!!! EEE!! i’m super super excited. if it’s like,, too public and you don’t just wanna post it i might think about exposing myself or smth... if that would make you more comfy. no matter what you do i’m just gonna be here buzzing, *hinata voice* one more one more one more.

oh!! i listen to everything but kpop sjdjdkdhdk i did have a semi-phase around like 2014-19 ish but dropped it pretty hard . now i have no clue what goes on there anymore i mostly enjoy rnb indie n rap/hip.. my gay ass was considering making a little playlist or smth for u but i want to make it with songs You’d like so i might pull up my old kpop faves hehe..

guess chilling is out of the question then, heh. hope you slept well!! i’m gonna try to wake up earlier so we’ll have a chance to send more messages during the weekend perhaps... mwah!!

YOURS, m.a. <3

happy weekend!!!! hope you can ease up a bit since there’s no school hehe

“feeling like a rotisserie chicken weather” FHSKFHKSDF yes!! but it honestly sucks when it gets any hotter bc we don’t have central cooling in our house so rip... and my laptop fan goes crazy ahaha. 30 degrees being unheard of.. can’t relate! fsdfjs. have you guys had to adjust to those changing temperatures? rip climate change tho :’(

<333 i do!! i usually walk to the local park and then the streets around that.. omg speaking of... do you play pokemon go? DHAFKHSDKFHSKDFHKSDH i got back into it again recently ahaha. it’s for a free bakudeku zine!! hehehe it’s out at the end of jan so 👀

i just checked and the event is open !!!!!!!!! good luck hehe !

yup lost riches!! and the event opens at 4am server time, so since i’m in asia i get it earlier hehe which colour seelie are you gonna go for tho omg i was debating it with my friend last night.. i’m gonna pick gold!!

baby bennett!! that’s true but i can’t risk getting a 5 star otherwise my pity will reset for xiao fhdskfhskjfhkjshkfj next time :(((( but albedo /is/ super pretty and i see a lot of people saying they like him... NO !!! xiao only >:( no omg i don’t think i’ve seen those clips ? is it mmd where they like dance to other songs and stuff ahah

yes i did!!!! and the VA for diluc is giorno from jjba and kuroko from knb!! omg wait and venti’s VA is hinata did you know that? fun fact i guessed it was him when i first heard his voice LOL that’s my secret talent 😩 and i use japanese dub!! i’ve considered using chinese too bc i can understand it but i just like the japanese voice actors tbh and also i can excuse it as “listening practice” AHAH

yes pls!! sending something bnha is fine too, or legit anything else lmao i’m open arms over here~~ 🤗👐 and ooft... it’s hard thinking of prompts that’s why i always ask others HSDKFJHSDKFHSD but i’ll let you know if i think of something!!!

(no clue!!!! but we could each write from a character’s POV so hopefully it’s more consistent 🤪🤪 idk i have no clue how fic collabs work AHAHA)

yeahhh one of my mutuals said “social media is a curse” and honestly hard agree.. we’re all kinda trapped in a way LMAO. and no pls don’t thank me.. you’re the one who found me first 😩💘 ily..

FSDHKJFS pls you’re making me blush come on 😳😳 but yes i love that for us... m.a. x c.r. the only valid ship 😩

woooo!!!! yeah you’re probably right, like given the fact he’s a 5 star his mechanics are probably different.. i know that diluc’s charged attack is different to the other claymore users so! IM GETTING MY XIAO!!!! and hm i’ve been saving since the middle of zhongli banner! so december 10 ish around then? dragonspine was a blessing tbh i reckon i got sooo many primogems from that. FGJKSHFKJSDHFKSDHSHKJFH my genshin sugar mummy 🥵🥵 c6 venti unstoppable..

AHAHAHA YEAH THEY LOOK /SO/ CUTE TOGETHER!!! i wonder how they got so many of the images tho like they must’ve been so in sync?!?!? ugh that could be us but no cross-server co-op be playin’.. (fhdskjfhdskjfhs um!! noted for future reference 🤪)

omg them.. i always forget about them LMAOOOOOOOOO ugh. actually i wouldn’t be mad if we got a prequel of like when keith was in the garrison... or even when shiro was with adam... ugh so much they could’ve given us and they chose not to

*waggles eyebrows* well hello there, m’lady ;) and it’s fine fhdskjf i had some inklings but didn’t wanna assume ya know? ahah :p

no!! it’s all g, i’ve thought about posting it before anyway. like, just releasing all of my WIPs and letting people do what they want with them HAAHA. (i could also just put the link under a read more and less people would see it, so it’s no biggie!) fkdshfkjs the hinata impression omg precious <33

FJHFDSKJ awks ahah which groups were you into tho! if it’s not like scarring for you to think back to LOL. and oooo i like indie too! i think.. or is it alt? honestly i don’t even know, tbh my music taste is pretty diverse and a mess, i can usually listen to a lot of things. except slow songs i don’t really like those hfdskj. and i don’t like rap too much either FHSDKJS whenever my friend gives me a rec i’m just like “oh i liked the singing parts in that” FDSKJF. a playlist tho huh 😳🥺

and pls!! if the weekend is your only chance to sleep in then do it.. for me 😩 i’ve been legit waking up at 12pm these past few days FKJHSKDF idek why like i’m sleeping 10 hours?? yikes. but as always i shall be waiting for your response <3 💌

#marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

[zerounitrgb]

Fic Author Tag Game

Thank you @moonwolfhowl for tagging me!

AO3 Name: ZeroUnitRGB

Fandoms: Boku no Hero Academia, Fullmetal Alchemist, Naruto (I only wrote 1 fic for it though), Digimon (all fics on ff.net), Lion King (also all fics on ff.net)

Note: I’m going to focus solely on the fics I have on Ao3 but I wanted to at least acknowledge the old fandoms I used to be so passionate for. They were rather dark times but times I spent my time on nonetheless. Also, all mentioned fics will be linked if you want to check them out!

Number of Fics: 55 on Ao3, 1 WIP that just needs editing before it get posted, 2 completed zine pieces that I won’t or have not posted

Tagging: @cloversdreams​ and any other fic writer that follows me and wants to do this

1) Fic you spent the most time on: It’s a Digimon fic that I spent several years on though it’s not complete. For a completed fic that I spent the most time on, it would have to be What Hides Inside. The most words (50k), the most chapters (12), and the most time it took to write (five months). For those unaware, it’s an exploration into falling in love at the wrong time and dealing with mental illness from Tokoyami’s perspective. I’m sure y’all can guess who the ship is.

2) Fic you spent the least time on: That would be Best Hugger in Class A for BNHA. I think it happened after a conversation in the Shoutoko Discord server about Shouji being a cuddly drunk and also how wonderful it would be to get a hug from all six of his arms. Or more. Basically, it was just a quick, short story about Shouji getting drunk and all of class A wanting him to hug them.

3) Longest fic: Again, that would be a Digimon fic that has literally hundreds of thousands of words. For Ao3 fics, I already mentioned it, it’s What Hides Inside. Honestly, I wrote it because I wanted another multi-chap Shoutoko story.

4) Shortest fic: That’s a tie between Best Hugger in Class A and Where Is It?  both at 1250 words exactly. I already talked about the first one, the second was just a quick story about Midoriya using One for All to casually search the dorm for something he lost.

5) Most hits: Midnight Sex Therapy which is currently at 25,350. That is over 19k more hits than the fic with the second most hits. You people love smut and this fic is all about it with six different ships. I’ve recently been thinking about a sequel but instead of clients from class A, it’s all pro heroes. 

6) Most kudos: Again, Midnight Sex Therapy which is currently at 1118 kudos, more than twice that of second place. 

7) Most comment threads: A tie between One Week in Kyushu and Midnight Sex Therapy! Both of them at 57 comment threads! OWiK was one of my fave fics and the one I credit for bringing me into Shoutoko stardom. I don’t feel like explaining what it’s about, just know it’s one of my earliest Shoutoko fics.

8) Fave fic you wrote: This used to be OWiK but that’s recently changed. I’ve reread it not too long ago and maybe it’s because I held it to an impossibly high standard but it doesn’t hold up to my memory. I still think it’s great. But my new pride is 30 Things I Didn’t Know. It’s romantic, it’s sweet, it’s got gay rights, and pervert Shouji was peak horny energy for me apparently. OWiK can be a really close second just because it does include my idea of Shouji’s “tragic backstory” that I want to be canon but 30 Things is special to me.

9) Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: This is a hard one. I don’t usually like to hit publish unless I think the work is perfect or complete in order to avoid repeats of the dark ages so most I’m pretty happy with. If there was a fic I’d like to fix up, then it might be Unplanned Love? It’s my first ship fic for Gang Orca and Selkie and it’s smutty but plotty. The thing is, I had originally intended there to be an epilogue in which the sexy hero calendar arrived and I wrote a more proper sex scene but it never came to fruition. Maybe I’ll come back to it one day but it is sort of okay as it is so who knows.

10) Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning: Uh, I have one WIP. It’s done, just needs to be edited. Not sure about sharing any bit of it because it is extremely smutty. Like almost filthy. Like, I don’t think I go more than two sentences before something very explicit comes up. 

Anyway, I will tell you some bits about it. It’s Shoutoko (of course it is) and they switch. I came to the realization recently that I only ever write Toko as a bottom so that needed to be rectified. That’s pretty much all I’m going to say about it so thank you for coming to my TEDTalk.

#Tag Game #About Me #Long Post #The WIP will probably be fully edited and posted on the 25th #So for the followers waiting for Shoutoko content from me it's coming

[tothelasthoursofmylife]

“Malady 1″ Notes and This Shit is HOW Long???

*chugs a mug of milk*

Welcome. It’s time for a new update - pretty much exactly eight months after the last proper chapter (and about six months since the last upload in general).

I really did try to get this chapter finished before the end of 2019, but, well, things seldom work out the way you want them to which meant that the final chapter of 2019 was the Zucchini one and I’m so sorry.

Anyway.

I outlined like a third of Arc 4 all the way back in July 2018. Back then, all that mattered for me was to keep the arc as short as possible with as few chapters as possible. But then I started actually writing it and uhm, uh...

Well. The chapter-length exploded. “Travelling” was 18k, “Mystery” 19k + extra.

12k into “Malady” and only like 4-5 bullet points into my outline, I thought about either splitting the chapter into two separate proper chapters (Like I did before; the “Malady” content was actually supposed to be in “Mystery” too, July 2018!Me was super optimistic.) or just doing a Part 1 and Part 2. I chose the latter because I am too lazy to find a new chapter title I think they just belong very closely together.

Apart from not finding time to write, I actually had a bit of a hard time writing when I did find some. Trying to test my luck and just wanting to write something else for a change of pace so that I wouldn’t get sick of “Watchdog,” I applied for a zine last July. I actually got picked for it, and I wrote my piece in November. The word limit was 1,500 (!!!). My initial draft for it was more than twice as long and, of course, I had to cut it. It was super traumatic in a way (but also an interesting challenge) to trim it down through rounds and rounds and rounds of editing. Anyway, I’m sure something inside me short-circuited while editing my zine piece, and I just went crazy finishing “Malady.”

“Mystery” is 19,330 words long and the bonus file has a length of 1,511 (total: 20841).

And “Malady”? “Malady” ended up at a whopping 21,440 words. Less than 3k more and it would have been half a novel!

While editing it and seeing the word count hit 21k (the 21,000th word was “murderer” btw), my soul left my body for a second and I asked some other fanfiction writers about their average word lengths per chapter which ranged from 800-4,000 with 7,000 being a super long chapter. And I could have cut “Malady” not only once in half but many times more. I only didn’t because a) it has been months since my last update and I wanted to give you something longer as compensation and b) I wanted to trick myself because “relatively few chapters = short fanfiction! and I want to keep it short!” (We are only 23 proper chapters in and the entire thing has over 200,000 words yikes.)

Anyway, TL;DR: This chapter is 21k. It’s ridiculously long. I will try my very best to cut the chapters into more reasonable lengths starting with the next proper chapter (not “Malady - Part 2″, but the one after that which may or may not be named “Clockmaker,” let’s see).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Other Notes

The explanation for “Jeanne/Jean Gauthier” and “Alexandre Vidocq”: It’s John Watson and Sherlock Holmes :) Sorta.

Jean is a French John, Jeanne is a French female John. Watson derives from “Walter” and Gauthier is a French Walter.

“Sherlock Holmes” is just a super weird name. So I couldn’t do it the same way. Instead, I googled “real-life French Sherlock Holmes” or something like that.  Alexandre Lacassagne and Eugène-François Vidocq popped up, and I just combined their names.

The “anniversary” mentioned in “Malady 1″ is January 19, the day the events of the first three chapters happened.

Finding French food they could eat was a bit annoying. Because I would find sites saying that “Tarte Tatin is something eaten at French afternoon teas!” but Tarte Tatin was created in the 1880s. Anyway, now I know at least about the “Club des grands estomacs.”

Lastly, Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure ends tomorrow. It saddens me beyond imagination, but it was a wonderful run and I am very grateful for it. The series and its songs influenced a lot of “Watchdog” and I feel quite bad not being able to talk about it because we are not far enough into the story. :( Still, I wanted to mention it here briefly because it’s ending and it means so much to me (and “Watchdog”). I will really miss getting new content.

(There’s a small song reference in “Malady 1″ which I added during the final read-through because I saw the opportunity and just had to change the wording to make it a little reference.)

#ugh if only i had been faster T.T #:( #chapter notes

[thisweekingundamwing]

This Week in Gundam Wing 20-26 October 2019

Here’s this week’s roundup!

Remember to give your content creators some love! And join in on the events at the bottom!

(Sorry it’s a bit late, I was busy finishing a fic yesterday and totally forgot about it. V_V)

~Mod Hel

Fanfiction/Snippets/AU Ideas:

@bobo-is-tha-bomb​

Desolate Melody (Ch. 2) https://archiveofourown.org/works/20923046/chapters/50319779

Chang Wufei/Reader, WuFei Chang/Sally Po

Drama, Romance, Trauma, Mentionings of rape, Torture, Angst, Sexual Content, Violence, Lemon, Lime

You have been broken. And even he can't fix you. So what are you to do

The beautiful Dead https://archiveofourown.org/works/21180326

Heero Yuy/Reader

Lemon, PWPish, Sexual Content, Halloween

His face was a hard one to forget.

@duointherain​

Beneath Gravitation (Ch. 1) https://duointherain.tumblr.com/post/188548090714/beneath-gravitation-1

Notes: Vice-Minister Darlian’s name was not found.. so I made one up.

Maureen Darlian stood outside her daughter’s room. Head tilted back, she took a long slow breath. Relena had always been such a quiet and dignified child. Perfect grades and not a single detention had preceded Duo. Duo Maxwell Darlian had come with several detentions and two D’s, but Relena was much happier.

@janaverse​

Stickies from Heero (Ch. 22) https://archiveofourown.org/works/19796581/chapters/50459294#workskin

Heero Yuy & Duo Maxwell, Duo Maxwell/Heero Yuy

Get Together, Friendship, Eventual Sap, Eventual Implied Sexual Content, Mentions of Trowa ⋆ Quatre ⋆ Wufei ⋆ Relena ⋆ Sally - for now

Cosplay:

@bobo-is-tha-bomb​

https://bobo-is-tha-bomb.tumblr.com/post/188495508416/wig-try-out-for-lady-une-pretty-excited-to-try

Lady Une hair!

Photosets/Gifsets/Screenshots/Manga Pages:

@disturbed02girl​

https://disturbed02girl.tumblr.com/post/188480124760/lil-milliardo-and-chubby-relena

Milliardo and Relena Peacecraft, Glory of the Losers

@janaverse​

https://janaverse.tumblr.com/post/188561573243/quatre-is-thoroughly-enjoying-whatever-it-is-he

Quatre Raberba Winner, screencap

https://janaverse.tumblr.com/post/188562472198/slowly-slowly-too-nice-a-job-to-rush-from

WuFei Chang, Endless Waltz Portrait Collection

https://janaverse.tumblr.com/post/188562448933/smile-for-the-camera-q-from-the-gundamwing

Quatre Raberba Winner, Endless Waltz Portrait Collection

https://janaverse.tumblr.com/post/188562432548/i-am-digging-the-piercing-tro-from-the

Trowa Barton, Endless Waltz Portrait Collection

https://janaverse.tumblr.com/post/188541389853/typically-casual-duo-from-the-gundamwing-endless

Duo Maxwell, Endless Waltz Portrait Collection

https://janaverse.tumblr.com/post/188541312503/a-little-shy-there-yuy-from-the-gundamwing

Heero Yuy, Endless Waltz Portrait Collection

Head Canons:

@incorrectgundamwingquotes​

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/188598748554/character-ask-our-girl-catherine

Catherine Bloom

GW OC-October:

@skullqueensart​

https://skullqueensart.tumblr.com/post/188512051002/gwoc-october-week-3-day-1

About OCs - Day 13

https://skullqueensart.tumblr.com/post/188507513467/gwoc-october-week-1-day-5

About OCs - Day 5

https://skullqueensart.tumblr.com/post/188507222977/gwoc-october-week-1-day-4

About OCs - Day 4

https://skullqueensart.tumblr.com/post/188512018272/gwoc-october-week-2-days-1-7

About OCs - Days 6-12

https://skullqueensart.tumblr.com/post/188507038252/gwoc-october-week-1-day-3b

About OCs - Day 3 (b)

@graydama​

https://graydama.tumblr.com/post/188439557420/gw-oc-october-2019-day-18

Vivette - Day 18

Quotes:

@incorrectgundamwingquotes​

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/188472701280/duo-on-the-phone-hey-tro-my-hands-are-stuck-in

Duo

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/188518739314/duo-have-you-ever-just-wanted-to-do-normal

Duo & Heero

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/188541708332/quatre-if-you-were-a-fruit-what-would-you-be

Quatre & WuFei

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/188543787844

Tag Yourself GW Edition

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/188446328967/une-stop-getting-involved-in-other-peoples

Une & Noin

Calendar Events:

@gundamzine​

Rhythm Generation: Shooting Stars, Celebrating 25 Years of Gundam Wing

Meet the Mods https://gundamzine.tumblr.com/post/186886285283/head-mod-lifeaftermeteor-brittany-has-been-a

Zine Content https://gundamzine.tumblr.com/post/186791784139/rhythm-generation-shooting-stars-is-an-unofficial

Zine Pre-orders Opening Soon! https://gundamzine.tumblr.com/post/188493882928/pre-orders-for-the-rhythm-generation-gundam-wing

@gundam-wing-bingo​

Gundam Wing Bingo is here!

Come and sign up for a card here: https://gundam-wing-bingo.tumblr.com/post/185466400076/gundam-wing-bingo

@gwcocktailfriday​

Cocktail Fridays!

Post responses on Friday, during Happy Hour between 3 & 5 pm in your own timezone.

Here’s the prompt for Friday, November 1st! https://gwcocktailfriday.tumblr.com/post/188605561646/cocktail-friday-post-responses-on-friday-november

For those going to Pillowfort, find us here.

If anyone has ideas for prompts, PLEASE send them in! Our ask box is always open.

In need of Winter prompts!

@gwoc-october​

GW OC October 2019!

Full daily prompt list: https://gwoc-october.tumblr.com/post/188075419625/gw-oc-october-2019

Come have fun and tell us about your Gundam Wing OCs!

@seasons-of-gundamwing

Events Calendar! https://seasons-of-gundamwing.tumblr.com/post/188285778326/seasons-of-gundam-wing-events-calendar

Here’s the Pillowfort discussion.

@thisweekingundamevents

Gundam Wing Holiday Gift Exchange 2019/2020

https://thisweekingundamevents.tumblr.com/post/188113410410/holiday-gift-exchange

Sign-ups Close on November 1st!

Schedule: 20 October: Sign-ups Open! - 3 November: Sign-ups Closed! - 10 November: Assignments sent out! - 5-11 January: Post your Gifts!

Go here to sign up! https://thisweekingundamevents.tumblr.com/post/188469748044/gundam-wing-holiday-gift-exchange-20192020

Gundam Wing Unorthodox Undercover Work Mini Bang

Mini Bang Timeline: https://thisweekingundamevents.tumblr.com/post/186718109915/unorthodox-undercover-mini-bang

Upcoming deadlines! https://thisweekingundamevents.tumblr.com/post/187624128440/gundam-wing-unorthodox-undercover-work-mini-bang

Mini Bang Writers! Today is the last day I’ll be accepting them, please get them in! https://thisweekingundamevents.tumblr.com/post/188546804705/mini-bang-writers

#Gundam Wing #This Week in Gundam Wing #Weekly Roundup #20-26 October 2019

[twiststreet]

Decade Review

Can’t sleep...

Work:  

However we track our numbers internally, that’s not something I want to know or that’s shared with me.  I could try to count the number of cases, I guess, but that’d take forever .   

Had legal work I’d been a part of and/or done the writing for mentioned by TMZ, the AV Club, and Grantland.  (Well, the AV Club mentioned it this year, but it was pre-2010 work-- however you count that).  I was happiest about Grantland, of those three, maybe obviously (especially cause it was in a Molly Lambert article, and I like her writing a bunch), but.  Meaningless, but I enjoy that kinda thing.

I only had one case where a murder happened this decade, i.e. where I was working on a normal lawsuit-type case and someone involved in some way with the case murdered someone and/or was murdered by someone.  I had two of those in the previous decade, so I guess one is better than two...?  I guess. But the previous decade was generally crazier for various reasons... 

Creative Projects:

that Jimmy Olsen comic I wrote came out in 2011. The part that lingered there was just having someone believe you can do it, you know.  If you were to ask me then or now, I’d be like, Nah, I couldn’t do that job.  So I have no clue why Wil thought otherwise, even just for a 10-pager, but I guess as time goes on, everything else besides that (and besides the logo Sal did cause !!!, exclamation marks forever), everything else fades away and that’s the part that means something for me.

Insensitive Veterinarians was in 2013.  (Line-O-Rama here). That was a 208-ish page graphic novel that I gave away for free as a webcomic.  It had issues, a couple jokes have not aged well, but there are things about it I like, too, so.  I’m all over the map on that one.

I also wrote (wild guess) 20-40 guest columns for the Comics of the Weak column over at the Comics Journal, plus a lengthy 5 part Year in Review wrap-up (they agreed to call that the Spectacufuck, which is still my favorite thing about it).   I legit had to apologize Dayton one time-- just the city of Dayton??  The year-in-review series sort of culminated in my kind of contemplating the extreme ways the internet talks about things, and that all just got worse after that, in every possible direction.  I was writing that one in 2015... That was just as we were at the top of the roller coaster and could only start to see the drop coming!  And then the roller coaster blew the fuck up.

I posted about 49 essays, capsule review collection, roundtables, interviews or performance type write-em-ups onto the now defunct Savage Critic site.  Lucky #50 was on here.

Wrote an essay for the Photographic Journal, took a shot (and missed!) at a comedy piece for a Bad Movie zine, and wrote for a Richard Thompson charity zine;

I wanted to learn how to edit so I made two edit-y mockumentaries for Youtube (I took the first one to private since that one’s just really dirty and I didn’t want nephews or people’s kids get screwed up by it, so).

I’d always wanted to make a limited animation cartoon so I made two of those episode 1 and episode 2 of American Century.  Just the joy of getting to have people’s voices in it-- if the only pleasure I ever got out of doing those videos was to just get to have Jeff from the Wait What podcast do voices for my Youtube videos, I’d have done them in a heartbeat.  Just such a joy all of those people being willing to be involved. (Those are pretty dirty too and cartoons so they’d probably screw kids up worse, but... There’s an inconsistency there...)

I’d always wanted to try to do an EPK for a comic so I talked a superfamous comics writer (who just had a new book announced from Aftershock or somebody) into that.  And then just the entire first minute has nothing to do with him or his comic, just pure self-indulgence, I’m not good at doing things at all...  

I made 11 Youtube videos that were just edits of Podcasts-- the most popular video I ever did was an edit of Jeff Garlin laughing on his (missed!) podcast, which I think Garlin tweeted about approvingly.  

I also made 11 videos that were just sort of semi-incoherent “fan-edits”.  The second most popular video I ever did was a 12 minute fan-edit of the movie Need for Speed...?  My favorite was an edit for Gun Fox 3 where I re-dubbed a Chinese movie and made my own 15 minute movie out of the footage. 

I learned a lot about 3d modelling and stuff like that, which was fun even though none of that’s culminated in anything complete yet and I never got to a point I considered functional enough, but.

I did a bunch of stuff I’m not going to talk about yet.

This site went operational on January 1, 2011.  I don’t want to even say how much I’ve posted on here as it’s embarrassing.  Well, it’s 782 pages of posts at the moment, so... That’s just troubling.  This blog only got widely denounced and angrily attacked online on ... three separate occasions?  Four?  I can remember three (one where I was like nah but what is this even, one where I was like fair fair a little unfair but mostly fair, and one where I was like nah but knew it was coming)... but I feel like I’m forgetting a fourth. 

I did a family home video but fell down hard on making time to make a second one.  My family never really did that kinda thing, which I like!, but it’s nice to have at least one.  The second really got away from me there...   

Misc. Life Stuff:

Moved to a new place / neighborhood.

Bought a car in 2010.  Still driving that, still got it running pretty good.

I’d joined a gym and gotten a trainer and that was going great until the gym turned out to be like a fundraising operation for the Republicans. But the good news there being I kinda have an understanding of things I can do when I’m at a gym now that I lacked before.  I kinda have a “workout” in my head whereas before I’d flail around confused if I went into a gym.

I got a little better at cooking but I’ve fallen off since the move... I’m surrounded by Asian restaurants now so it’s hard to want to eat home-cooked food when that’s the case.  I took a cooking class though-- I did all that stuff I charted my progress about.  

Oh yeah, I had at least three or four years of personal tracking-- the last year or two I fell off of it because they were either chaos or just private stuff was going on that I didn’t want to talk about.  Mostly it was the chaos.

My personal life or whatever....  Uchhhh.  Uhm.  I don’t know-- mistakes have been made!  A couple mistakes there. But I did do a better job this decade with my relationships with some of my friends, at least, and being a tiny bit more present for that, which was really important for me.

I can’t travel a lot because of work, but went to New Orleans, Sandpoint, Portland, and Napa Valley.  (And I guess Leavenworth if you count that).  Plus work in Vegas.  (I may have gone to some bachelor parties in Vegas?  I don’t remember when those happened).   

I make my bed more.  My health could have been better.  I gave a lot of money to dentists.  I drink more water.

There was that part where Pusha T goes “You are hiding a child.”  I didn’t have anything to do with that but I’m counting it.  Why else remember a decade if not to include that lyric???

#insomniyeah! #year in review

[izanyas]

Earlier Than Never

Written for skk zine, posted as part of the Soukoku Trope Bingo 2018 (prompt: School).

Rating: G Words: 5,200 No warnings.

Earlier Than Never

Chuuya's second year of high school should have been exactly like the first.

He did well in most of his classes. He had good friends. He was part of the soccer team, which had won every game he had played, much to their coach's delight. He wasn't involved in any of the occasional sordid stories and rumors that were part of all school experiences; he stood up against bullies, was appreciated by his teachers and classmates, and was occasionally confessed to by girls he had to turn down in spite of his embarrassment—and without quite revealing why he turned them down.

He should've walked his way toward the end of the year tranquilly, and Dazai should've kept ignoring him.

"You know," said the voice of the boy in question, much deeper now than it had been before Dazai had disappeared from his life, "I really wouldn't have pegged you for the top-of-the-year kind. Aren't sports kids supposed to get abysmal grades?"

He was leaning over Chuuya's shoulder, peering down at the physics homework spread over Chuuya's desk, and his words came with soft exhales around the bare skin of Chuuya's neck. Chuuya clenched his teeth reflexively. He also clenched his hand, crumpling the page of his textbook and making his scars redden.

Don't answer him, he told himself.

"But there you are, beating me in science. You used to be terrible at math, Chuuya; what on earth happened?"

"This is self-study," came Yosano's drawling voice from the row behind them. "Not study-your-neighbor, Dazai."

Chuuya's jaw only relaxed when he felt Dazai move away to look at her. He didn't have to turn around to know the face he would be making now; slightly bemused, slightly condescending, as if to ask her, Why would I need to study?

"I don't have anything to work on right now," Dazai replied, oddly polite.

"Nakahara does."

"Surely our resident genius can handle a few questions."

"I'm not your resident genius," Chuuya said between his teeth. He regretted it immediately, for Dazai seemed to take his spite as invitation and leaned over his desk again, sideways this time, so that Chuuya couldn't avoid having him within his sight. Furious with himself, he shot Dazai a glare. "I just work hard."

Dazai gave him a slow smile. With his head tilted, with how close they were to the windows, his hair lightened to brown. Strands of it brushed softly over his forehead.

Chuuya held his breath and looked away.

"You really like physics." Chuuya didn't make a move to stop Dazai as he slid the notebook out of his loose-fingered hold, and even without direct contact, Chuuya felt his fingertips tingle. "Your handwriting's still terrible, but these are some well-kept notes. I know our teacher wants you to study it in college, too."

Had the compliment come from anyone else, Chuuya would've thanked them. He would have felt flustered, a little flattered, proud of himself. As it came from Dazai, he only spat, "What is it to you anyway?"

There was a brief silence. "It's just interesting," Dazai replied evenly. "You've changed."

If Dazai wanted to get to know Chuuya again, he could've done so any time in the last year. Chuuya ripped his notebook out of the other's hold and started shoving his things back in his bag.

"Yosano," he called, ignoring Dazai's presence entirely and looking over his shoulder. Yosano sat a desk over, looking at them with boredom. "Wanna go get lunch?"

"I suppose it's close enough to the end of the period," she answered, eyes flicking toward the wall clock. "Though, we'll get chewed if we get caught."

"We won't. Come on."

He waited just long enough for her to have bagged her own books before rising from his chair. He pushed Dazai out of his way, and Dazai moved without complaint, following the press of Chuuya's hand like water swept by the tide.

Chuuya barely listened to what Yosano was saying while they crossed the corridor leading to Higuchi's classroom. He leaned by the wall next to the door as she stuck her head inside to invite her to join them.

It was a warm spring day, blooming pink and yellow over the wide school grounds. Chuuya let the sun wash over his face and felt only shivers.

"Welcome home."

Arthur's voice must be coming from within the kitchen. Chuuya eased his shoes off one-handed and tried not to stumble in the process. His backpack was only slung over one shoulder, pulling him toward the ground. He managed not to fall by awkwardly shoving himself onto the wall; behind him, the front door closed with a click.

Arthur's head peeked out of the open entrance of the kitchen. "You alive in there?"

"Yeah," Chuuya replied, smiling despite himself. "Sorry. Just tired from practice."

"You're running late. Your coach isn't working you too hard, is he?"

"S'fine. The season starts next week."

Arthur gave a sympathetic noise and went back to what smelled like dinner. Chuuya exhaled slowly, thoroughly, until at last some of the tension in his back filtered out. His calves and thighs still ached fiercely, but that was nothing a good night's sleep wouldn't fix.

"What's for dinner?" he asked once he had put on his slippers and made his way to the kitchen itself. He let his bags fall by his chair and took a seat, glad to see that the table had already been set.

"Pasta," Arthur announced proudly. "I think I managed to cook them al dente."

"Did you tell Paul already?"

"Who do you take me for? I sent him a snap the moment I took them out of the water."

Chuuya laughed. "How unfair is it," he declared, "that the best dad and the best sibling are both on the other side of the world. I haven't seen a vegetable that wasn't sadly boiled in a month."

"You can cook," Arthur replied, falsely accusing, even as he dumped a spoonful of spaghetti into Chuuya's plate. "You're just never around to do it."

"We can't all work from home, old man."

Dinner was a pleasant affair. It always was. Even with Paul and Kouyou gone to France—one to spoon-feed Arthur's new book to its intended public, the other for college—Chuuya didn't feel off in the least. Arthur was good company, with cutting humor and kind eyes. That had been what had driven Chuuya to him in the first place, eight-year-old that he had been, feral and rude and achingly lonely.

If he had been told then that he would one day have a place to call home and people to call family, he would've laughed until he cried.

Chuuya took care of the dishes despite his aching legs and Arthur's offer to do it himself. The activity soothed his mind of the day's thoughts, too many of which had been occupied by Dazai's weird behavior of late, and the scarring on his hands was old enough now that dish soap and water didn't irritate it too much. He barely spared it a glance as he set the plates up to dry on their own.

"I've got some homework left," he called from the kitchen, wiping his hands with a clean rag. "So I'm gonna head up now."

He could see the back of Arthur's head above the armchair he was sat in, no doubt putting endless edits onto an already-perfect draft. Arthur lifted a hand in his direction and said, "Good night, kid."

Paul always had an easier time calling Chuuya son than Arthur did, but even so, Chuuya heard the word for what it was. It kept him warm through the chest during all of his Japanese lit reading.

His phone rang sometime before ten, right as he was deliberating getting started on chemistry ahead of time. He took the call, as happy with the excuse not to as he was with its sender.

"Hi." He grinned as soon as Kouyou's face sharpened over the screen.

"Hello," she replied, smiling as well. "Hard at work?"

"Procrastinating. Where's Paul?"

"At some fancy editorial luncheon, I believe, singing Arthur's praise." It was afternoon still in France, and Chuuya could see sunlight around the shape of his sister, a stone wall at the back of her head and foliage from some tree brushing in and out of the frame. "How are you?"

Generally speaking they reserved calls for weekends, because of the awkward time difference and because it was easier for all of them to be present at once, so Kouyou and he had talked only days ago. Chuuya knew he had been withdrawn, though, and so he had an idea of the reason she had chosen a time when she knew he would be alone.

He picked idly at the numb burn scars marring the back of his wrists and hands. They weren't so very swollen now and thankfully not nearly as sensitive as they had been for months after the accident, but he still only had to focus for a second to feel the echo of that ache.

"I'm fine," he replied at last.

He knew he couldn't fool her.

"Chuuya," Kouyou said, predictably, in a less agreeable tone than she had used so far. "Something's bothering you."

"It's nothing important."

"But it's something."

Sometimes, Chuuya really wished that she weren't so perceptive.

"It's nothing," he repeated, but the words came with far less ease the second time around. "It's just—you know. Dazai."

Kouyou kept silent for a moment. When she asked, "Has he done anything to you?" her voice was cold.

"No," Chuuya replied too quickly. "No, he's just decided to stop ignoring me is all."

"What do you mean?"

He hadn't realized just how tightly he had withheld his thoughts, crushed them inside his chest like paper in a closed fist, until the words came flowing out of him at the sight of Kouyou's face, the sound of her static-filled voice. Each time he said Dazai's name came a little more easily. It was a year now since the boy had reappeared into his life; yet aside from mentioning his return once on the day he had turned fifteen, Chuuya had not said any more.

Fatigue threatened to pull his eyelids down by the time he was done. He had moved from desk to bed sometime during his messy rant, and was in the middle of changing into sleepwear with his phone screen turned away.

"I don't know what to tell you," she said to him, her head now resting fully against the wall of what must be her university building. Chuuya slid into bed. "I can't fix this for you."

"I know," Chuuya mumbled sleepily.

"But…"

She paused. The mic of her own phone was not powerful enough to pick up the wind he could see swaying in her hair, but Chuuya heard it all the same. For a moment, he pictured himself sitting next to her, breathing in smells different from those of Yokohama, lacking the salt that sea brought but perhaps a bit sweeter.

"I don't think he'd be speaking to you for no reason. Maybe he wants to apologize."

"I don't want his apology."

At least not for what Dazai probably thought he should be apologizing for. Chuuya stared at the back of his hands, where his skin was pink and white and melted-looking.

"Then maybe he just misses you, Chuuya," Kouyou said softly.

Darkness was tugging at the corners of Chuuya's sight. The exertion of the day caught up with him at last and made his body languid, his mind weak against the pull of sleep.

He had almost entirely given to it when Kouyou added, "You're very easy to miss."

The first game of the season came the next Wednesday. Chuuya spent most of that week allowing himself lenience on school work to focus on training instead, spending each evening in the company of his team, carving strategy into his head as deep as he did the physical drills. He didn't see much of his father outside of breakfast because, more often than not, he and Tachihara ended up getting dinner together after practice, too tired to do much more than moan about their fate.

Coach Oda had high hopes for them this year. The winning nationals sort of hope. Just because he was nice about it didn't mean that he was letting any of them, especially Chuuya, slack off any.

Chuuya spent the night before the game catching up on what little homework he could and then forcing himself into bed at ten o'clock sharp. Until midnight he stared at the ceiling of his room and listened to the comings and goings of Arthur downstairs. Arthur always wrote the most at night.

Somehow, he ended up falling asleep; and somehow, he woke up feeling refreshed, free of the almost-constant nausea that stress had knotted into his stomach all week. He ate with relief, showered, picked up his bag and made for his school.

Luckily, the game was to be held there. He didn't think he would be quite so calm if he had to step onto foreign grounds, no matter that the team they were playing studied only a handful of streets away.

"You ready for this?" Tachihara asked when he entered the locker room.

"We'll see," Chuuya replied, grabbing his offered arm firmly.

He turned his focus to the game after that. Changing into his team colors, warming up, all of it in a blur; soon enough he was on the field, surrounded by a surprising amount of people. It seemed most of their school had turned up, as well as a good chunk of their opposing team's. A cry of his name quickly brought his attention to where Higuchi sat, next to a smirking Yosano.

Dazai was behind them. Their eyes met for a second—just long enough for Dazai's lips to flutter into a smile.

Chuuya felt the cooling heat in his face awaken once more and turned away harshly.

It was a good game. Chuuya had not expected that they would lose, though their opponents had a new and better coach this year than the last time they had played each other. A coach was only as good as their team, however, and although the woman sitting next to Oda by the field's flank looked severe and involved, Chuuya's team was still a level above what she could handle.

Their win was expected, but it didn't stop the stadium from exploding in cheers once the final whistle was blown, nor Oda from congratulating them all warmly. Sakaguchi, Chuuya's literature teacher and the person responsible for the club, smiled awkwardly by his side.

"You're a force of nature, Nakahara," said one of Chuuya's teammates once they were back in the locker room and queueing for the showers. Shirase—that was his name—wiped uselessly at the sweat running down his face. "How the hell did you score that last one?"

"Luck," Chuuya replied honestly.

"Bullshit."

"Chuuya's just that good," Tachihara interrupted, happily throwing one arm over Chuuya's shoulder, laughing at Chuuya's grunt of displeasure. "Are you jealous you could only land one?"

"Shut up, Tachihara, you didn't score anything."

"I'm in defense, shithead."

"Are you on something?" Shirase sneered, turning to Chuuya once more. "There's no way you're just doing all that fair and square."

His eyes roamed up and down Chuuya's body. He was the tallest member of the team, long-legged and very fast for it. Chuuya had no love for him, and Shirase didn't like him either, but they rarely confronted each other directly. Chuuya thought himself more mature than to let rivalry put the team at risk.

"I guess being a teacher's pet helps," Shirase continued. "Or… you've never had a girlfriend, right? Maybe you've picked up on your daddies' tastes. Do you offer special favors—"

Chuuya punched him.

It wasn't a hard punch, but Shirase still bent in two over the zone of the impact, choking on a swear and turning red in the face. Chuuya's ears were ringing, his body tensing anew. His left knee bent in preparation for a kick.

"You fucking—"

"Nakahara," came Oda's voice.

Everyone seemed to freeze in their spot. Shirase straightened up painfully. The others, who had peeked over the shower booths or around the lockers to watch the commotion, quickly went back to their business.

"Yes," Chuuya said, feeling very far from his own body.

Oda nodded to the side of the door by which he was standing. "Someone wants to talk to you, if you've got a minute."

It took a while for Chuuya to make sense of his coach's words. Probably no more than a few seconds, but to him, they felt like hours.

"Sure," he replied slowly. He clenched his teeth. Released them. Stepped away from his friend and added, "I'll be right back, Tachihara."

"Uh, all right."

He made his way to the entrance of the room and past his coach, who gave him a glance that said I know what you just did and don't think I'll let it slide more sharply than words could. Chuuya's only comfort was that Oda stared at Shirase next with even more disappointment.

How Oda managed to convey so much while looking perpetually bored was anyone's guess.

The air outside came too crisply to his damp skin, chilling it almost instantly. Spring hadn't settled enough to make the wind was bearable. Chuuya found that it did little to help soothe the anger clawing up his insides; but then he saw Dazai standing a little way from the door, shoes stained by the damp grass and lips stretched into a thin smile.

Chuuya turned around and tried to make for the lockers again.

"Wait," Dazai called, hurrying after him and grabbing him around the elbow. "I just need to ask you something."

"I've got nothing to say to you," Chuuya gritted out, pouring as much loathing as he could into the word.

Dazai hesitated. His grip on Chuuya's arm relaxed, and Chuuya could have easily freed himself, with how slick he felt all over and with Dazai's apparent reluctance to hold onto him too tightly.

The observation only made him angrier.

For a moment they stood as they were: Chuuya half-turned away and Dazai looking almost lost. Chuuya still felt as though the blood in his veins was simmering. He would hear Shirase's hateful words echo through him if only he bothered to listen.

"Well?" Chuuya snapped, once the silence became too hard to bear. It didn't matter that chatter filtered out of the locker room as an easy distraction. "Ask your question."

Dazai's shoulders relaxed visibly. He let go of Chuuya's arm. "You were great today," he said evenly. "Though that's less surprising than the grades."

"You had all of last year to tell me that if you wanted to."

Chuuya wanted to do more; he wanted to add, asshole, to the end of his sentence, or yell it out instead. But Dazai looked away then as if shamed by his words—as if he could ever feel shame—and his throat shivered visibly.

"Are you doing anything tomorrow evening?" he asked then.

Surprise made Chuuya tell the truth without thinking. "No."

"Great," and now Dazai was smiling again, as devastatingly handsome now as he had been when they were thirteen and thought their world would never change. "Can you meet me at nine?"

"What for?" Chuuya asked defensively, instead of doing the smart thing and refusing outright.

Dazai shook his head. His smile turned a little more bitter. "Just trust me," he said. And then, probably realizing how that sounded: "If you want to."

Chuuya should say no.

It wasn't even because the last time he had met with Dazai on his own had turned out the way it did. That was very far from his mind. He should say no because he didn't owe Dazai anything, not anymore, not after two years of silence and a year of being made to feel as if he hadn't meant anything to Dazai at all.

"Maybe he wants to apologize," Kouyou had said, but Chuuya wanted no apology.

"Maybe he misses you."

Chuuya couldn't pretend that he hadn't missed Dazai either.

"Fine," he said.

Dazai's face lit up with his grin. It always did.

The thing was, it hadn't been Dazai's fault.

He hadn't been the one to make Chuuya fall. He hadn't placed the until then-unseen puddle of car oil where it was, ready to ignite at the touch of Chuuya's lit cigarette. They had hung around the disused garage countless times before, a secret lair for two children as so many other places of the kind must be for so many others.

The thing was that Chuuya and Dazai had once been friends. Chuuya had been adopted in France, where his Japanese mother had given birth to him before leaving him behind, where Arthur and Paul had married and lived their whole lives until choosing to adopt two kids no one wanted: an eight-year-old boy who had caused nothing but trouble for every foster home he had lived in, and a twelve-year-old girl who had done much of the same. They had moved to Japan after that because Arthur and Paul wanted Chuuya and Kouyou to live in their country of origin.

Chuuya had met Dazai almost immediately. It had taken no more than a day for the both of them to get into a fight at Chuuya's brand new school—a school he could go to without the shame of having to say that he had no home, no parents to come home to, for the very first time. And Chuuya couldn't remember why he had fought with Dazai that day, or why he had allowed the other boy to follow him around after that, bruised and angry even as they sat together on a bench and contemplated the wide world around them.

He couldn't explain why Dazai followed him, and why he let Dazai follow, and why he felt as happy with the thought of a friend as he was with that of a family. Back then the two hadn't been different to him; back then everyone in his life that he cared about was as good as kin.

So Chuuya and Dazai grew, picking fights with each other as often as they did not, lying side by side on the floor of each other's bedroom, sneaking around Yokohama for every dirty corner they could find and call theirs.

Chuuya didn't remember much of the incident after he had fallen. The doctors had told him that it was for the best because he had been in so much pain; Chuuya thought it was for the worst because he couldn't know if the anguished cry of his name he had heard when his arms took fire had been real or a nightmare.

For a very long time that was the last thing he heard from Dazai at all. Chuuya, bellowed from the lungs of a gangly kid, breaking over the vowels because his voice hadn't set yet.

All he knew was that Dazai had escaped unharmed. He let the thought float through his drug-hazed mind in the weeks he spent watching the burned skin of his hands and forearms heal. He hung onto it day after day, waiting for Dazai to visit him, to text him, to do anything to prove he hadn't been a figment of Chuuya's imagination all this time.

Dazai had long been gone by the time Chuuya was released from the hospital. He stayed gone for two years. Some of their mutual friends said he had moved overseas. Others said that he had died.

When he came back at the beginning of Chuuya's first year of high school, Chuuya thought for days that he was seeing a ghost roaming the corridors.

"Oh, hello, Chuuya," Dazai said the one time they bumped into each other with no one else around.

He never said anything else.

Chuuya arrived late to his rendezvous with Dazai because Dazai himself always arrived late, and he didn't want to look like a fool waiting for someone to show up. Not when he didn't know if Dazai would even bother showing up.

Dazai was already there.

"Hi," he told Chuuya, smiling.

Chuuya didn't know how to answer. He felt like smiling back, or turning away and going home. Most of all he felt like hiding his face into the shadows, away from the glare of streetlight, so that Dazai could not read from him what he did not want to be read.

They were at the entrance of Mitsuike Park. The sun had slipped behind the mountains, and the sky was a dark blue, yet people were milling about, families and couples walking in and out of the open gates with a soft murmur of voices.

"I didn't think parks stayed open at night," Chuuya said. He had to say something.

Dazai turned his back to him and replied, "Follow me."

The walkers around them became sparser the deeper they went. Dazai soon took Chuuya away from the paths and between trees and flowering bushes, always looking over his shoulder to make sure Chuuya followed, holding branches out of his way when one was too high to step over.

"I remember you said you'd never done this before," Dazai said at one point, chasing off the quiet.

Chuuya wasn't sure where they were anymore. The canopy overhead kept them from moonlight, making Dazai's trail difficult to follow. He guided himself mostly with the sound of the other's footsteps, almost too sharp against the thick silence and occasional watery sounds. At least the lake must not be far; Chuuya would be able to navigate his way back by following the shore if Dazai tried to lose him.

"Done what?" he asked.

"Hanami. Your dads are always too busy at this time of the year, and you never got around to doing it with someone else, right?"

Don't talk about my dads, Chuuya wanted to say. Shirase's insults were too close still to the surface of his mind, only a shiver away from breaking through and awakening his rage. But Dazai's tone wasn't mocking. Dazai has never said anything uncouth toward Arthur or Paul or Chuuya himself. Not about this.

"I've seen the trees plenty of times," he replied.

"Not properly."

Dazai stumbled on a root. Chuuya grabbed the back of his jacket to keep him from falling forward. It was a thoughtless act, not something he wanted to spend time analyzing; but before he could take his hand back he found it clutched in Dazai's own.

Dazai's hand was surprisingly cold. Soft and barely even damp. When his thumb brushed over Chuuya's scar, Chuuya stopped thinking entirely.

He was pulled forward and out of the thick greenery.

There was a little wooden balcony there that Chuuya had never seen before. It looked dusty, unused, perhaps forgotten by all. The lantern sat upon its bannister looked older than any Chuuya had seen before.

Yet it wasn't the sudden light that Chuuya was staring at.

Pink petals hung from the cherry trees and swayed into the breeze. No stars could be seen now against the glow of that lantern, but it didn't matter at all; not when every flower looked like cut paper on a canvas, drawn by hand onto the black sky, falling onto the quiet lake like snow.

"Come on," Dazai murmured.

Chuuya let himself be dragged towards the steps in front of them. He climbed onto the promontory with Dazai's hand still holding his. He couldn't look anywhere but above, at the streaks of black night running ink-like between glowing flowers. The surface of the lake was dot work, pink and white strewn overwater like little drops of paint.

"It's nice, isn't it?"

Chuuya couldn't have told how long it took him to look back at Dazai. He felt for once undisturbed by the smile on his lips.

He swallowed. "It's nice," he replied. "It's… it's beautiful."

Dazai had once accused him of always being swayed by pretty things. Chuuya had not told him how much of that applied to how Dazai swayed him.

"I'm glad," Dazai said. "I wanted to give you a nice birthday gift."

Chuuya frowned. "My birthday is next week."

"Ah, but they won't be blooming anymore by then. They're already late as it is."

Chuuya tried in vain to make sense of it. Rather than ask Dazai directly, he looked at the flowers again. Dazai's fingers in his hair almost startled his heart to a stop.

He allowed the other to pull whatever it was he caught out of Chuuya's hair—a petal, it turned out, and a leaf that must have been there since they worked their way through the trees.

"Chuuya," Dazai said then. "I'm sorry."

It felt like a dream, because Chuuya had dreamed of this many more time than he could count. Dazai appearing at the door of his hospital room. Dazai walking into class one day and grinning at him foolishly. Dazai sparing more than absent glances toward him as they crossed paths in hallways.

Dazai holding his hand under a roof of luminous flowers.

"It doesn't change anything," Chuuya said lowly.

"I know."

"You fucking disappeared. For two years. And then you acted like I didn't even exist."

"I'm sorry." Dazai seemed to brace himself. "I'm so sorry. I had my reasons, but I know they're not going to just erase everything—that is, if you're willing to hear me out." There was fear on his face, for a second, that Chuuya would not be. "But not now," he finished. "Now I just want to apologize."

And Chuuya had said time and time again, to himself and his family, that he had no need for Dazai's apology; but his heart felt swollen now, pushing up his throat and making his eyes burn.

"I hate you," he let out. He wound his free arm around Dazai's shoulders and said again, "I hate you so much," before embracing him.

Dazai laughed against the top of his head. His fingers twined with Chuuya's, pressing them together to gap the spaces in which they shook, taking in the warmth cradled in Chuuya's palm as if he had only ever been cold. Chuuya shoved his face into his shoulder and willed himself not to cry.

Dazai was the one who pulled away first. Chuuya felt the absence of his hand sharply, at least until it came to rest along his arm instead, thumb stroking over Chuuya's jacket. With a settling inhale, he leaned back as well.

"Your story better be damn good," he said shakily, once he had retrieved enough of himself to be able to speak.

Dazai smiled tiredly. He didn't make a move to avoid Chuuya's hand brushing the side of his face, though his cheeks colored at the contact, echoing Chuuya's own blush.

"I don't know if it's good," he replied, "but it's interesting."

Already, Chuuya felt something heal in him that he hadn't known was still bleeding. Already he knew that whatever Dazai's story was, he would forgive him for it.

He couldn't find it in himself to regret it at all.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #soukoku #dazai osamu #nakahara chuuya #soukoku trope bingo 2018 #fic: earlier than never #finally i never have to look at this again #featured

[kusunokihimea]

                                                  [ Art || Background ]

     [ Hey y’all! So uh...while this iteration of my dinky blog isn’t three years old, I have been lurking around this site in total (for RP) for three years now, as of...technically yesterday, eh heh. And good golly there has been a LOTTA growth since then. My muses and I have come a looong way, in regards to writing, editing, and getting to know so many people over the course of three years. Some have come and gone, and some have stayed...though few since those beginning days when Sylvie had NO idea what they were doing, ha!

     And though I’ve only recently gone through my second revamp, there’s still a gaggle a’y’all that have stuck around. Some even from those very beginning days. So, I’d like to take a minute to just...gush about some of ya, cuz you’ve made being in this community fun, welcoming, and honestly like a second family to us. While I don’t have time to ramble about EVERYONE, I’m gonna do my darnedest to do as much as I can, and just...say thank you for making me able to stay this long, and have as much fun as I’ve had. It means the world to me <3

     Now, on to the ramblin’! Under a cut, cuz...it’s probably gonna get long xD Still, I’ll try to be brief so it doesn’t get too out of control, lmao ]

     [ The Fam Jam ]

     So these are the peeps that have stuck by me through thick, thin, and many blog changes xD Those who have consistently interacted with us, and have developed amazing bonds between muns and muses alike. <3

@13lilypetals - Little sib Ghost. Fellow SH trash. Also a multimuse juggler. You’ve been someone who’s become a close friend, wonderful RP partner, and a great member of the community as a whole. Keep up the awesome work!

@ascxndinggg Matt, my son, darling baby boy =P With such a creative, intelligent mind, wonderful diverse muses, and one of the few things keeping me sane both on this hellsite, and in life in general. Love you bud.

@duckbuttavenger / @cutelittlemuffins / @straycatanbu Sanjiii, such a sweetheart. I love your beans, and I love you! You’re always a blast to write with, even if we know some muses better than others. They’re all 11/10!

@despairinghxpe / @masterofwar Phoenix, omg I’m so glad you’re back. I’ve had some of my most in-depth threads with you and your boyos. I always look forward to your replies. And you’re such a darling - always a joy to talk to ooc about our beans!

@gentlegraceful-and-fatal Dani, I know you’re not on much anymore, and I hope life’s not kickin’ your butt too hard. You put so much love into your muses, and I love when they interact with mine. Here’s hoping you can creep around more soon enough x3

@frogprinceus / @redlineoffate / @red-winged-hero-hawks Omg Mitsuki where do I even start with you xD You have such a wonderful cast of muses, so many of which have bonded so wonderfully with mine. I always enjoy our interactions, no matter what combo of beans!

@flakclad I know you’re not on too much anymore Rhi, but I still love your boys (tho I think this is the only one I’m currently following after remaking, whoops). You give them such wonderful personalities, and I love writing with them any day of the week.

@yukaikokoro Another OC bean! Star oh my goodness, you’re such a great friend and writing partner - you let me drown you in all my OG verse shenanigans, and I love it xD

@twojackalsandahedgie Apricot! I’ve stalked you around through a few blogs now, haha! You’re such a sweetheart, and your muses are great. I can’t wait to see how your blog takes shape once it’s even MORE of a multimuse!

@hotmessofmuses I’ve loved all our threads, Bailey - you write all your muses so well, and I’ve been so psyched to get to interact with them, especially in the famjam verses. It’s so much fun. And good luck with all you’re doing irl!

@roaringxflames Lief dear, I know you’re not active much anymore, but I just want you to know I’ve enjoyed all of our interactions, here and on other bloggus. I hope life is treating you well, and you find greener pastures in new fandoms :3

@cinderspewed / @bitebxck Oh goodness Verona, you’re just! Such a cool person, and your muse is so dynamic and intriguing and drives my marshmallow nuts xD I hope school isn’t crushing your soul too badly, haha! Good fortune, friend!

@kyuuzuchiha / @thebubbledome / @xkaekox BOOOOO I LOVE YOUR BEANS. I know that feel about having trouble writing/catching up lately, but! No matter your pace, we love writing with you, and I hope you find your groove soon!

@quiet-kunoichi Ahaha, Jack, another fellow OC bean. I love your muse. I think you know that but just to be sure, lemme say it again. And you’re great. You’re both great. I love ya. And I hope you’re well!

@abyssaldespair Meeeg...your boyo has stolen my gorl xD We’ve had so many shenanigans since we met I can’t count them, but gosh you’re so fun to write with, and even tho you’ve abandoned me (jk, jk), I still love writing our babbs in drabbles. I will sink with this ship xD

@wanderingmelodies MEEEY I know you’re super swamped but I hope you know I love ya and your beans and I hope you get your zine work done! Good luck and stuff, and hopefully life lets up for you soon, dear!

@multicanon-rp Bruh, I love your Itachi (and I’ve seen snippets of your other beans, they’re great!). It’s been so much fun to see him and Ryū get to know each other from that initial drama. I love writing with ya!

@hushedsunflower *squints at* Who even is this nerd? Oh right, you’re the one responsible for me even being here! Not to mention one of my oldest friends, nbd =P I love your Hina, and I’m glad you’ve gotten back into RP, my friend~

     [ The Inspirations ]

     These are the ones I’ve maybe not RPed with as much as I’d like, but who inspire me to be better in my writing, my lore creation, and characterization! <3

@hyugainterior / @clanburden Your storytelling skill just...blows my mind, holy smokes. Though I miss bits and pieces, your narrative on HI has been enrapturing, and I always try to catch all the drabbles. I never know what’s gonna happen next, but I can’t look away - it’s like a beautiful, horrible car crash! With Hinata in the driver’s seat!

@sennenryuu / @raikirisms N, your OC is just...so amazingly in-depth. As someone who adores making lore and characters, yours has been one I’ve looked up to since being introduced to your blog. And don’t even get me started on your Kakashi, or how beautiful your art is, my goodness. I love it all!

@houndnin / @mactabilis A blast from the past! I know you’re uber busy so you prolly won’t see this, but omg your muses are the bee’s knees. Another well-crafted OC, and an awesome take on Kakashi. Definitely a blog that inspires me to keep improving!

@masshirohebi Oh goodness, this blog is one I’ve looked up to for a long time. You write Orochimaru so beautifully. They’re so intricate and full of life and detail. Your replies are so well put-together, it always blows me away. I know our interactions have been brief, but I’ve enjoyed them so much!

     [ The Neat Beans ]

     Those on the ‘outer fringe’ - maybe we’ve poked at each other’s muses once or twice, but we’re still workin’ on getting muses to know each other - here’s to more! <3

     ~*~ @silverfaxg ~*~ @ketsuekki ~*~ @i-minato-chan ~*~ @kotoanatsukami ~*~ @crackuzu ~*~ @the-younger-umino ~*~ @origami-goddess ~*~ @inumbratte / @willsoffire / @leafstruck ~*~

     [ The Lurkers ]

     And last (but certainly not least), the beans I’ve not really talked to, but appreciate for bein’ around nonetheless! Never be afraid to say hi <3

     ~*~ @betterhealing ~*~ @tennome ~*~ @hiramekxrei ~*~ @tentaiiled / @sandsharrk ~*~ @dirt-ninja ~*~ @strengthwilled ~*~ @silentyoru ~*~ @blossomfury ~*~ @inotheflower ~*~ @cxmpetitivecaptain ~*~ @malacusleana ~*~ @granddiviner ~*~ @avengeriiism ~*~ @xchidoriisms ~*~

     All right, I really hope that’s everyone - my following list is still rather short after the move, so I wanted to at least give everyone a mention and a lil thank you. Here’s to another three years, fates allowing! Thank you all again for your support - it means the world <3

#sylvie speaketh [ ooc ] #three year tumblr anniversary #follow forever #long post #veeery long post lmao #i'm pretty sure that's EVERYONE i'm following (that's an RP blog) #if i forgot you i'm so so so sorry #i got like four hours of sleep so i'm v tired #just poke me and i'll add you! #but i went through my following list so #hopefully everyone is there #and hopefully i got everyone with the same mun laid out right xD #sometimes i forget if muns have more than one bloggu ahaha

[eyeodyssey]

Film Production Log #3

A frame from “The Death Of A Home″. What year is this? It’s been a long time coming that I finally got around to writing another one of these things. It’s three months into 2019 already and I hardly even noticed, made a rude awakening when I looked to the calendar to see that it went from 28 back to 1. With all that, it hit me that I hardly wrote about the progression of any of my current film projects in that period of time. I thought I had a rough idea of how the passage of time worked, as it turns out I know as little about a concept as abstract as time as I do about every other thing in life that defies explanation. There’s a reason why I simultaneously dread everything and nothing after all. I’ve written through many variants of this first paragraph beforehand, each draft starting off with the same “long time coming” comment, which gained further relevancy with each rewrite. Let’s go and cut this ongoing habit before it goes beyond simple procrastination into flat out absurdity.

A frame from “The Death Of A Home″. Like mentioned with the second production log, we spent most of the December of 2018 haphazardly preparing a forced move that we had to undergo with the sudden gentrification of our apartment at the time. This wasn’t the first time I faced the systematic Kafkaesque horror of gentrification. I was pissed, to say the least, and I did the only thing I could do, I documented it. With The Death Of A Home as it is currently, all the footage from the move itself has been compiled and made into a rough cut, adding up to my first proper feature length film at an hour and 12 minutes. The film is comprised of long shots, with scenes ranging from a crew of biohazard workers cleaning the basement of a black mold infestation that was never reported to the tenants to a sequence where long kept hand-painted furniture is forcibly discarded (tossed down a staircase into the back lot to lead to a rain of multicolored paint shards). The whole film will also be accompanied by a harsh noise soundtrack, I mostly have Merzbow stuff playing throughout as a placeholder. I’ll be shooting on the side some abstract visual sequences for the documentary, communicating certain details of our story that weren’t captured on film. I have a lot of ideas brewing for the mixed media techniques I could use for creating these images in a live action format, specifically ones that return to the sort of trash bag special effects that I used in my prior film concerning the subject of gentrification, Weightless Bird In A Falling Cage. Setting foot in the new apartment, the first thing we came to notice was the absolutely vacant house next to us. The building was completely abandoned with electricity still hooked up, looked like no one set foot there in years. Having it face the bedroom every day, with our constant visual subjection and time to contemplate we came to the conclusion that something was gonna happen to the building at some point. It was clearly the middle child to an estate that left it to rot. Just in time for when we wrapped up unboxing everything, the building caught fire. At first I didn’t pay much mind to the sound of sirens driving through (it’s an Atlanta custom). It eventually hit me that something wasn’t quite right when I looked to one of the windows to see bright red, Suspiria technicolor light shining through.

A frame from “Burning Fragments: Mode 3 - Winter 2019″. Did I go out to have a look? Of course, so did the rest of the neighborhood. Made an interesting meet your neighbor type of gathering, to say the least. I also brought my camera with me, and I came back with a metaphorical stack of raw footage along with a slow-cooked pair of lungs, the film is more important though. From that raw footage, I got the visual edit for the short Burning Fragments, a part of my seasonal “Mode” series that was first kicked off by Hard Drive and continued by my currently unreleased Factory Dreams. Burning Fragments is a montage of morbidly humbling sequences, from a roof visibly caving in through the smoking windows to medical staff cautiously carting out a stretcher, prepared for the worst case scenario. No one came out injured luckily, though I don’t mention that in the film (to keep up the haunting atmosphere). Power was cut to the building, the fire was put out and the street stunk of smoke for the next month. I thought it smelt like a smoked rib, one neighbor of ours said it smelt exactly like pot smoke.

A frame from “Factory Dreams: Mode 2 - Fall 2018″. Right around there was where we thought the story would end, but several days later the building went back up again. This time around I went to one of the firefighters to ask what started the fire in the first place. As it turned out this second eruption was from the ongoing work of someone who had a great disdain to a singular sofa in the abandoned building. The first fire was started off by the arsonist setting this certain sofa aflame, and the guy returned to the scene of the crime to incinerate it for good. Our friendly neighborhood sofa arsonist is still on the run to this day. Going into rapid-fire mode, some other noteworthy moments of the year so far include: OS updating, film editor street fighting, more OS updating, cool experimental film screenings (as seen in my documentary Moonlight Tunnel), one last OS update for good measure and discovering the new OS is as thought out as a tumble down a staircase.

Kafka’s Supermarket sorta ended up bunched between everything, seeing one quick, sporadic development at a time. The issue with actors still stands, gotta track down some people for the film to act in those pesky performed segments. It all goes smoothly until you’ve gotta spend the time and physical resources of other living, fleshy beings into your freaky unscripted cinematic daydreams. Around the end of February, I collaborated with local collage artists Steven and Cassi Cline to write the dialogue for the film, collage literature style. We took several different approaches when it came to fully fleshing things out, some were done as experimental writing games while others were the more familiar cut n paste technique. The script took a wide variety of resources, including the FBI documents printed from the internet archive, the prologue of a Georges Bataille philosophical text and a book on nuclear weapons. I was largely the supplier when it came to the process, while I do visual collage stuff often I’m less of a writer (both letter by letter and cut up source by cut up source). Readings of the literary collages will be interspersed throughout the film with an announcer who seems completely detached from the surreal nature of the scenes he describes. Burroughs’ approach for writing Naked Lunch aside, the primary source of inspiration for this detail comes from my memories of a radio clock that we had during my childhood. I would tune through channels with it searching for classical music, but most often I’d find news stations. Not knowing anything about politics at the time (being 5 to 6 years old and all), the nature of what was being discussed was completely alien to me. With how Kafka’s Supermarket is focused on the nightmarish distortion of everyday life in capitalist America, I felt it was necessary to recreate the atmosphere of those broadcasts that confused me all those many years ago. One detail that left the production hung for a significant amount of time, as minuscule as it may seem, was the masks the actors would be wearing. The visual style of Kafka’s Supermarket was adapted from my 2017 zine What Brought Me To This Point, an experiment in nihilistic writing that focuses on the mental state of a man with prosopagnosia and a non-specified mental illness. My general understanding of prosopagnosia at the time was admittedly limited, I had just heard of a condition where someone couldn’t recognize faces and something about the idea creatively resonated. From this, all the characters were designed with the same basic facial template, prioritizing the bare essentials of the human face with an emphasis on the uncanny. Kafka’s Supermarket further branches out this aesthetic in using it as a wider embodiment of the lack of individual personality in a capitalist state, where everything is selling to a set of categorized markets that represent the general populace.

A frame from “Kafka’s Supermarket”. The thing is, human heads aren’t structured like these figures I was drawing. I spent an absurdly long time contemplating how exactly I could recreate the look of these characters not only with a budget but with a budget without having it look too “store-bought” in a way. The main catch was I was going by realism and not surrealism. At that point, I briefly lost sight of what exactly I was doing. We all make mistakes. I brooded on how I could convincingly recreate an abstract illustration. It took until I started reading the screenplays of Kōbō Abe that sense hit me again when I questioned how it would be done in a theater production. That was when I remember that I’m making a non-narrative experimental film, not something like a superhero fan film where a certain level of suspension of disbelief is expected. Since then I plotted out an alternative that’s simultaneously more affordable than anything I was theorizing beforehand while also being more surreal and true to the theories and atmosphere behind Kafka’s Supermarket (and even it’s predecessor, What Brought Me To This Point). Since then I’ve found myself further experimenting with the fusion of film and theater, specifically the use of minimal props and images to convey a greater concept. I’ll be reposting cast calls for actors through the next several days, hoping for the best while I also simultaneously pester a nearby grocery store for permission to shoot a short sequence on their property. Productions like this are the ones that leave me realizing the oxymoronic nature in pursuing capitalist chains about the production of strictly anti-capitalist cinematic rhetoric.

A frame from “Empire Of Madness: A Wilderness Within Hell 2″. While juggling well more than a handful of personal projects (all the films mentioned earlier, a second chapter of Iron Logs and a harsh noise album experiment), I also convinced myself that I can get back into animation again. I was publicly tiptoeing around the idea of a second Wilderness Within Hell film for a while, and now it seems that it will likely be a thing with Empire Of Madness. It’s not really a direct sequel as much as it is a continuation of the style that was first started with Madhouse Mitchel. Set in the same age of industrial totalitarian inferno as Madhouse Mitchel, Empire Of Madness follows the life of Prometheus after his divine punishment for giving mankind knowledge. Having finally passed physical torture in the complete separation of his physical body, Prometheus wanders the Earth as an anomalous figure that assembles itself in a seemingly manufactured, mechanical nature. With pieces of his blood and flesh inherited by every man and woman with his given wisdom, he is inconsequently responsible for a curse put on all of humanity that destines man to collapse in paranoia and violence. Prometheus is shunned by everyone who crosses his path, seeing him as a sickly demon. Prometheus comes to realize that aside from his physical torture, the true act of divine punishment enacted on him will be the experience of having his own creation slowly destroy itself while it collectively tries to kill him.

A frame from “Empire Of Madness: A Wilderness Within Hell 2″. I’m simultaneously writing the film’s screenplay while I draw certain visual intensive scenes. Like I mentioned I’m still a bit rough around the edges with writing, so for this phase of production, I’ll actively study Kōbō Abe’s scripts and also the screenplays to an Akira Kurosawa film and Battleship Potemkin. I’ll still in a way aim more to minimalism with how certain things play out, with this series’ influences in Japanese guro art it’s more inclined to create a certain nightmarish atmosphere above all else. While Madhouse was largely anti-systemic rage, this film leans more to bleak existentialism. Bits of the soundtrack are already recorded, the main theme can currently be heard here. That’s about all I have to write for now. Now to wait another four months until I post anything text based on here again.

[millimim]

Hello! As most of you know, recently there have been posts regarding a translator profiting off eastern artists’ works through patreon and ko-fi. Although she was never attacked, harassed, or explicitly mentioned by the original post, user @seairu-kun (tumblr) / @seairu_ (twitter) spoke up and admitted that it was her doing. Her most recent posts showed that instead of a proper apology to the artists, she responded with a post that named several translators who were completely unrelated to the incident, for actions she believes justify her own but are not the same.

This is a direct response to @seairu-kun for her allegations against the named individuals translating Katsudeku fanart from eastern artists and to explain why her methods are harmful towards these artists. 

Before I respond to Seairu’s post, people will say “you should’ve messaged her personally” and I did (screenshots of this convo below).

the original ask message to Seairu: "Posting your translations privately is a good way to respect the artists' work, but posting them so only that people who pay you can read it is the opposite of respecting it... please create a private blog or something instead of using kofi and patreon to release privately, the artists get no revenue from what you're doing and exposure isn't a payment. having a kofi for tips or donations is perfectly fine, but translating a work doesn't make it yours, this money shouldn't be going to you."

1) “I didn’t realize providing my translations in private was a bad thing”

It isn’t, if it was a 1 unique translation to 1 unique commissioner for personal uses type of situation. She has been repeatedly charging people $3 on ko-fi for the same translated page. This means that she’s profited off the same translated page multiple times, which is different than charging 1 unique commissioner for 1 unique translation. In addition, Seairu asks for “donations” through ko-fi, but they are only donations in name. By withholding a product before a sum of money is given and charging “donors” (clients) for a “donation” (purchase), it becomes a TRANSACTION.

Translators such as shousanki, whom Seairu pointed out, minimize the damage done to artists by charging a unique commissioner once to cover the hours spent translating one unique doujinshi/comic and can scarcely be classified as a profit. This is more ethical than what Seairu has been doing, which is profiting off the same artist over the same artwork multiple times.

2) “...maybe have a talk with the other popular bakudeku translators in this fandom who post doujinshi on public sites like myreadingmanga while promoting their kofi links and zines?”

Shiku/shousanki (tumblr): “I don't know how Patreon works exactly, nor can I speak for other translators who use it, so I will only be clarifying how my own process goes. Generally when I take commissions it's for full-length doujinshi and inclusive of typesetting, cleaning, and editing services. Additionally, a large number of my commissions are private in that one client pays money for the completed product, along with exclusive rights to it, which means I won't redistribute it to anyone else. More commissions tend to be for original manga rather than doujinshi as well. In the case of public doujinshi translation, again, only one client-to-translator transaction occurs. I'd consider donations and commissions to be in entirely different leagues, too. Even if nobody donates money to my ko-fi, or nobody donates requesting a particular translation, whatever translations I have planned to post for free ends up posted eventually.”

Kat and Vivie/Revenge of the Dicku (MRM): “Hello, we’re very confused as to why we were brought up in the first place. We’ve never really interacted with seairu before; we’re not sure why she specifically named us when her argument seems to be pointing at any and all translators and we’re pretty new in the field. Not to mention, our situation is clearly very different because we give out all translations for free and never profit off of the original artist. As for our ko-fi, like most translators, we put up our link at the end of each doujin as a suggestion; it is meant to be on a purely donation-basis, aka we will NEVER withhold translations until someone gives us money. We produce translations, and if people wanna donate, it’s their choice. Moreover, these donations have and will be solely channelled to the production costs of the zine that we’re helming, so we essentially take no money out of this at all. Also, we’re not sure why our zine (AKOGARE) is implicated in this at all either. Either way, we do this so we can share with our friends so if people do not like what we do, then we will simply take everything down, it’s no loss for us. Thanks for listening.”

3) “I don’t understand how the fandom normalizes this and goes on reading scanlations of the BNHA manga every week, but turns around acting holier-than-thou while trying to ruin someone’s life in the process”

Scanlators (namely Fallen Angels and Mangastream) for BNHA offer their translations for free (you can choose to donate if you want), and do not charge readers $3 per translated page. The issue isn’t about reading things for free - the issue is about making (a lot of) money off somebody else’s hard work.

Asking for donations is completely fine as long as it’s optional. It is not okay to demand that people pay you for something that doesn’t belong to you. Yes, translation work is hard, and it is a service (many translators agree), but in the end, it is not the translator’s content. The hours they spend translating someone else’s words into another language are dwarfed in comparison to the hours of work the artist spends coming up with a plot, composing dialogue, lining, drawing and shading for a doujin; therefore, translators do not have the right to demand money from others for something that is not theirs. Translators may be approached for a commission and offered a one-time payment to compensate them for their time, but this situation is different since Seairu has been reselling the same set of translations to make a lot of money.

Below are pictures of Seairu’s ko-fi, Patreon, and posts about how she is offering to translate doujins and comics only if people become her patron or donate a ko-fi .

Note that it says “donate to [Seairu’s] patreon” but again, it CANNOT be called a donation because the doujins and comics are behind a paywall and money is demanded first. Most doujin artists charge 400-1200 YEN ($4-12) per doujin to primarily cover production costs IN ADDITION TO little comics they post for FREE on twitter and pixiv. Seairu has been charging people much more than the ORIGINAL CONTENT CREATORS and profiting off of that.

(In case people are unaware, Patreon works like a subscription sort of platform - you pledge a certain amount of money that corresponds to a tier, and you get content according to the tier you paid for. Effectively, you get multiple people paying for the same translation done by Seairu.)

4) “... but I’ve already taken down everything I could at the moment, and I sincerely apologize for my ignorance”

Ignorance seems unlikely since people have reached out to Seairu regarding this problem. They reached out to her in DMs to ask her politely to take them down, and she refused to acknowledge her wrongdoings, instead choosing to point fingers at other unrelated translators.

If this still doesn’t seem like a problem, below are screenshots of artists that Seairu’s profited off saying they’re not okay with their works being used for profit:

Hibarihiro: Original and Translated Conversation

Evidence of Seairu reselling the same translation multiple times through her ko-fi account.

Seairu has since deleted her translation posts for these artists’ works, but -

Shibaya:

Silverstar and Yutah:

Unfortunately, there hasn’t been a response from silverstar, but their bio says no reposts are allowed, and it’s even in English.

Yutah believed that people were just giving gifticons to Seairu as thanks for her translations; Yutah did not know that Seairu actually opened a Patreon to profit off of her works.

5) “... to support my translation work since [it’s] a hard job that takes up many hours of my day…”

Yes, translation does take a long time, so it really doesn’t make sense to implicate other translators who are doing this for fun or to get by. As stated in Seairu’s patreon, she hoped to make this a “full time job,” profiting off of the works of artists who are unhappy with her doing so.

Many of these artists are against reposting at all, and some allow it with permission but ONLY IF the reposters do not profit from them. Artists who don’t want people to repost their art, much less demand money for it, WILL NOT HESITATE to lock or delete their accounts, their art, and start mass blocking English speaking fans. It’s happened before. Some artists have already done this and will continue to do so. They will NOT hesitate to stop sharing their beautiful art and ideas with us because some people just can’t respect their wishes. There’s a reason why the western fandom has such a bad reputation amongst eastern artists and what Seairu is doing is just aggravating the situation. Not only that, but upon being faced with upset artists and facts, she decided to point fingers at unrelated translators, people who do such for a one time commission and later make it available for free, as well as translators who do it for free and have ko-fis as SUGGESTIONS only. Her “donations” are TRANSACTIONS for something that is not hers, and this is illegal.

Below is a link that talks deeper about translated commissions versus a paywall: http://dmmegsie.tumblr.com/post/171857295019/clarifying-commissionspaywalls-versus-donations

Overall commissioned translation for one person privately is fine. But when you create a paywall for multiple people to pay that's when damage is being done.

If possible, Seairu should refund the money or share profits with the artists. She has responded to messages on tumblr saying that she has apologized to the artists in question and it would be well received for her to post screenshots of these conversations.

None of the original posters used Seairu’s name, but many knew of these illegal actions. This is not a “witch hunt”, but note that no other translators were mentioned until Seairu herself brought them up with her own post (which is titled as an apology, but does not feel like one since she doesn’t post her apology to the artists). She continued to reblog posts mentioning the other translators while none of them have reblogged the post that contains Seairu’s name.

Please do not support these kinds of actions, whether that be illegally mass profiting off of other’s work or attempting to shift the blame onto others.

#katsudeku #seairu #translations

[inky-thoughts]

How to Organise a Zine 101 #5

This one is rather short but if you lack a bit of inspiration of what you want to sell with your zine, I’ll have you covered!

ALL the Merch

While zines are all nice and dandy, some customers actually get lured in by the merch because - while you can look through a zine every now and then and it might even look good on the book shelf - merch is something you can have around you, can use, decorate your walls, clothes or other items with.

Prints. Simple, relatively cheap, and come in various sizes for you to choose from. Can be one print or a set going with the zine.

Postcards. Basically like small prints, most people pin them to their walls instead of sending them. Usually A6-sized so relatively small and handy items. Usually get sold in small sets along the zine.

Colour-in prints. Secretly, we’re all five-year-olds and love to colour in drawings. Come in various sizes and are quite cheap to produce since you only need one colour for the lineart. You just need to make sure the paper is thick enough that pens don’t bleed through, and that you can easily draw on it with colour pencils and various pens. Can be one print or as a set.

Bookmarks. Also relatively cheap, can be one- or double-sided and can be a nice change from random recipes in your books to remember where you left off. Usually one bookmark per zine.

Note pads. Come in various sizes but with zines are usually on ethe smaller side (A6 or smaller) and can be difficult to find a service for. Can be relatively expensive. Usually only one pad per zine.

Stickers. Can be cheap but also can get really fancy. Prices depend on whether or not you want to cut them yourself or let the printing company do that. Even though we’re not five anymore, who doesn’t love stickers? Usually come in sets with the zine.

Sticker sheets. Can be cheap but also really fancy. Bonus point for fancy background designs compared to custom cut stickers. Depending on the size it’s just one sticker sheet or a small set.

Buttons. Small, easy to design, and cheap to produce if you happen to have a button machine or know someone who does and would have no issues to lend it to you. Can be one or a set of buttons per zine.

Charms. Come in various materials, forms and sizes. Can be one- or double-sided. Printing services are a bit harder to find and tend to be a tad more expensive than the afore mentioned items. Often need to be assembled which is time-consuming and not easy on your hands. Usually only one charm per zine.

Enamel pins. Probably the most expensive item as order numbers are ususally very high and with most restrictions coming with colour limitations. You can choose between hard and soft enamel pins as well as differently coloured metal that makes the lineart. Designing needs skill. Need to find a quality service that produces them. Would only use if you know you’re going to sell well but definitely look good. Usually only one pin but there are also some who have a small set/different zine editions with multiple pins.

Wooden pins. Definitely cheaper than enamel pins but you need a good printing service that they don’t look cheap. Come in different sizes. Can be only one pin or a small set.

Patches. The more colours you use, the more expensive they get. Ususally, they also have rather huge minimum orders as there are not so many companies who produce them. They come in various shapes and sizes, and definitely look cool on your jacket. Usually only one per zine though small sets are not unheard of.

Standees. They’re on the expensive side of merch and come in various sizes. Not exactly very common items for zines but not unheard of either. Usually only one standee per zine.

This is all I currently could remember but if you have found any items that are not listed above but make sense with a zine, please tell me so I can add them! Also, I don’t have experience with printing every item from above but I’ve read about each one from other artists who produced the mentioned items.

@cloven supplied a list of some rather well-known printing services that you might want to check out here if you absolutely don’t know where to start. I personally can back up what is said about Zap! Creatives. For our zine and postcards, I used Frick Kreativbüro which is based in Germany and I’ve had very good experiences with (plus they offer free shipping on a national level.)

A note on sets: Usually, an uneven number for a set (3; 5) sounds and looks nicer than an even number. However, if an even set makes sense in the context of your zine (e.g. four seasons), then go for that! Also make sure you can actually handle the workload that is merch in addition to financials. Especially if it’s your first zine, I would start small with the more affordable items.

If you decide to have merch with your zine, it is common to have 3-4 different items (e.g. prints, stickers, bookmark) in your zine bundle.

However, there are a few zines who offer different kinds of zine bundles. Usually there’s one on the cheaper side with the less expensive items, then the more expensive bundle with more items and the more special ones, and sometimes a third where you get the truly expensive gear. This also works if you have, let’s say two prints, six stickers, a bookmark, and one enamel pin. First bundle would be one print and 3 random stickers, second bundle could be one print, all 6 stickers, and the bookmark, and the third bundle has all two prints, all 6 stickers, the bookmark, and the enamel pin.

Make sure that

you somehow also compensate the merch artists

the merch artists don’t have to design more than two items each (e.g. max. two sticker designs) if they didn’t suggest otherwise themselves

you have backup merch artists, too

you maybe still sell the zine and merch seperately despite having bundles because you’d be surprised how many people want only this and not that

make sure that you price each item reasonably like any artist would selling just this item

you price bundles lower than the items would cost on their own to make bundles more appealing for the customer

the bundles still cover your production costs per piece completely and allow a profit marge

Thank you for reading!

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